KILL TONY - KILL TONY #223

Episode Date: July 28, 2017

Brody Stevens, Stephen Glickman, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 07/24/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv, for everything you want for Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions of the show. Also, you can click on tour dates. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, but we have a bunch of different shows. Comedy Store, but we have a bunch of different shows.

Death Squad's going on the road to Toronto with Sam Tripoli and Dean Del Rey and myself July 27th through 29th. August 9th through the 13th, Edmonton with Kate Quigley. And August 16th through the 20th, Minnesota at the House of Comedy with Kate Quigley. TonyHinchcliffe.com has all your Tony Hinchcliffe tour dates. He's about to go on this big Monster Energy tour. It's going to be crazy. It's going to be in like a thousand cities. And Tony has it all at TonyHinchcliffe.com.

His next couple ones, he's going to be in Fort Worth, Texas at Hyena's. He's going to St. Louis, Madison, Wisconsin and a bunch of other dates. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com I'm proud to announce that the new Kill Tony t-shirt, the first t-shirt is finally available for pre-order.

If you go to ShopSquad.tv and click on Kill Tony to pre-order it, it's going to ship out in a couple weeks and we're going to have a bunch of new shirts for Kill Tony to pre-order it. It's going to ship out in a couple weeks. We're going to have a bunch of new shirts for Kill Tony in the upcoming months. So check out ShopSquad.TV. They also have Death Squad shirts and hats. ShopSquad.TV.

Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every single episode. You can always go to his website to buy the new poster or past episode prints. That's ryanjebelt.com. And last but not least, don't forget to subscribe to Kill Tony. Just search the iTunes store for Kill Tony and hit subscribe. And now here's a new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Royal Famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Hi, everybody. How are you? Good evening. Welcome. Make some fucking noise. It's Monday night. And you're at the number one comedy club in the world. You guys excited? I know I am. Brian Redband is here to my left, everybody. What's up, guys?

That's the guy that talked first. He's on sound effects all night. We have the house artist, Ryan J. Ebelt, is in the motherfucking building. He's the artist that draws all the Kill Tony posters, all the prints. Those are all available at ryanjebelt.com. He's drawing tonight's

episode while you all sit there enjoying yourselves, drinking, having fun. He's literally working the entire time, making a fresh new print. All of the episodes that he's drawn for are available at ryanjebelt.com. He's actually wearing his new shirt he drew. If you see him tonight. For you podcast listeners, he's wearing a shirt that he drew.

And for those of you in-house that are sitting behind him in a place where you definitely can't see his shirt. But if you check him out later. If you look at the artist perhaps out on the street. Maybe on his walk to his car or something like that, and you see his shirt, you'll know that it's the shirt that Red Band talked about. Speaking of shirts, if you want the Kill Tony shirt, you go to shopsquad.tv. The preorder just ended, so there's a limited amount left. So go there right now.

There's Josh Martin, everybody. You know him. You love him. He wears his keys on his hip. One of my biggest pet peeves in the world. People that wear their keys on their hip. And I've been complaining to him about it for years and it never changes.

And every fucking step he takes drives me crazy. Janitors molest a lot of people, too. So if you're a kid... Sure, yeah, they do do that. But he's like some like, bells or something. It's unbearable. Stepdad Pete just walked into the room. A lot of stars in the audience.

Brian, I'm going to mention something to you. Did you know that Kill Tony is supported by Casper? Oh, what's Casper? It's a mattress that offers an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price. But you know what Casper is, right? I actually do because I got one the other day. I ordered it and a couple days later there was a box on my front door. It wasn't that heavy. I got the biggest one. I think it was 90 pounds and my girlfriend easily moved it into the bedroom for me. And I opened it up and it just unfolded and like just expanded into this crazy

mattress. California King, right? Three minutes. Over 20,000 reviews on Casper, Amazon, and Google with an average of 4.8 stars. It's quickly becoming the internet's favorite mattress. Casper mattresses feature supportive memory phone for an award-winning sleep surface that's got just the right sink and just the right bounce. Free shipping and returns to the U.S. and Canada. You can try sleeping on a Casper for 100 nights risk-free. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up and refund everything. It's a win-win situation. Mattresses are designed, developed, and assembled, anyone want to guess? USA. USA. Except the brown part around the butt. Special offer to listeners of Kill Tony.

Special Kill Tony listeners get $50 towards any mattress purchase by visiting www.casper.com slash Kill Tony and using the promo code Kill Tony. All one word, kill Tony. Terms and conditions apply. Who's ready to get a Casper mattress in this room tonight, huh? I think a lot of people are. You know what I love about this show is the band.

We have a band every single week. They always do something different. They commit to a character throughout the episode. This week's no different. Make some noise. Guess first? Yeah. I just heard Josh yell.

Oh, okay. Well, then we'll do guest first. Who loves comedy? I know I do. Every week I have two of the funniest comedians in the world on this show. This week's no different. Make some noise for Brody Stevens and Stephen Kramer Glickman. Stephen Brody Stevens and Stephen Kramer Glickman. Movie stars, comedians, comedians and movie stars, television stars.

Glickman from The Big Rush, Brody from Chelsea Lately. Glickman from The Storks. Brody from The Hangover. Movie star, comedian, friends of mine. Likeable characters. Welcome back, guys. You've both done the show. Yep. You've both done the show a few times. Brody, how you feeling?

I feel great. I took a sliver of Klonopin. I had two steak tacos at Carney's. And I'm ready to bring some positive energy, have fun. I know there's a lot of great comedians and awesome audience members. I love it when there's nothing I love more than when my guests tell me that they took a sliver of their bipolar medication. That would be the Lamictal. Oh. You know.

That's just more for the anxiety? Klonopin is anxiety and Lamech doll is mania. Oh, come on guys. Lighten up. Who's ready for Kill Tony Mania tonight? Let's ride the wave of mania tonight.

Throughout the Lamech doll, got high backstage, I brought out magnets. Let's go. You do have magnets yeah we have a you play drums sometimes uh brody right yeah i'm the house drummer at the guitar center yeah i love it well we have a band too make some noise ladies and gentlemen for the kill tony band it is pat reagan joel jimenez and the player, whose name I always forget, like a real dickhead. So much talent. So much talent.

Hey, we're greasers. I'm a greaser. That's Tommy, and that's Bobby. We're greasers. Get it? Hey, it's a bunch of greasers. They're going to have to commit to that for the next hour and a half. Hey.

Wow. Welcome, welcome, guys. Hey, Tony. Yeah. You know, I don't know much about the internet, seeing as I'm a greaser from the 50s. However, I got something to plug. I did a me and this guy, Johnny Watkins. You mean Jeremiah. Yeah, and then my, Johnny Watkins. You mean Jeremiah.

Yeah, and then my boy Bobby Jimenez. Joe Jimenez. Yeah, we did a video with me and my mom. Yeah, I saw it today. I retweeted it. Babalu Reagan. Yeah. Yeah.

It's called – It's called You're Not Going to Like This. Yeah. And you can find it online, so check it out. It's a fun video. There's lots of surprises. Again, I'm from the 50s. Lovers Lane.

I don't know what the internet is. And it's true what he's saying. His mom is in it, and that is his real mom. The woman playing Pat Reagan's mom is his real mom. I feel like it makes it a lot funnier when you know that. That's amazing. I'm sure it will get tens of views. She kills it.

I like the look. I've seen that somewhere before. Mel's Diner. The poster. God. These are laughs. Don't make me be positive. It's okay.

I should be getting a chuckle based off Cadence alone. Let's go. You heard that over there? Comedians respect it. Let's go. You heard that over there? Comedians respect it. Here we go. We are in it to win it. Also, before we start, I forgot to mention, I'm on tour the entire month of August,

all the way to the middle of September, the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour. It's going to be crazy. Jeremiah's coming with me. He's featuring for me at all these crazy rock venues and theaters all around the United States of America. I mean everywhere around America. So please, if you live anywhere out there, you podcast listeners,

look it up at TonyHinchcliffe.com, get tickets, and come out. You know what I found out? The night that I'm at the Gramercy Theater in New York City, Chappelle is performing around the corner at Radio City Music Hall. Floyd Mayweather is fighting Conor McGregor on the same Saturday night that I had to fill.

My agents are like, hey, good luck, buddy. It's a big one. You got the Gramercy Theater, New York City, August 26th. And then Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor as if they needed. Are you doing like a tour bus from city to city or are you flying all the way? We're flying.

We're flying. Yeah. And driving where it's close. You should stop at the milkshake place. Make it a whole thing. I was wondering how many jokes a greaser could have. I feel like that's a big one that you just sacrificed right there. Okay, let's fucking do this.

You guys ready to start the show or what? I have a bucket. We have Ichabod's Bucket of Destiny. With a bunch of names. Over 50 people signed up before the show for the opportunity to get pulled out of this bucket. If I pulled one of those people's names, a lot of those comedians over there, they come over here, they perform 60 seconds on the stage. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten.

That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. That's how it works. You guys ready to start this show or what? You never know what can happen. First name I pull out, it could be a crazy person, it could be the newest, best fucking comedian in the world, or it could be somewhere in between. 60 seconds uninterrupted goes to Arthur Hamilton.

What up, y'all? I bet you guys weren't expecting a black dude, huh? I was like, Arthur Hamilton? We won't expect a dude with a suit on. Probably does banking and shit. I actually did, though, y'all. The name, it kind of benefited me, though. Because on my job applications, I always put that I was white on there

so it got me in real easy and shit and then it also made it easier too when I had to report my debit card transactions as fraud because I was broke they're like this dude is doing this shit for real but it was always for transactions that I actually did and shit you know if they knew I was black, they were like, oh, this nigga did it.

Ribshack? $20 a ribshack? You're not getting that $20 back, though. You ain't getting that shit back at all. Hollywood got me real judgmental. Like, I stopped talking to this girl based on how her feet looked. Yeah, her pinky toe barely had

a nail on the shit, and I was like, oh, no. She put polish on her, too. I was like, oh, bitch, you might as well cut the toe off. Thank you, guys. There you go. All right there, Hamilton. Is there really a place called the Rib Shack? Yeah.

Where's that at? In Pacoima. Oh. Yeah. Is it good? It's really good. It's delicious. Oh, Pacoima. Oh. Yeah. Is it good? It's really good. It's delicious. Oh, you know about this?

Of course. You don't get to look like this eating salad. Yeah. You know where rib shacks are, rib mansions, rib houses. You got it all. Listen to that fat laugh he has, everybody. I love you, Bush. It butch. It's true. Arthur, you're from LA?

Yeah, from Poima. How long have you been doing stand-up? Three years. Three years. How old are you? 27. Okay. Did she really have a fucked up toe? Because I admit it. I have a fucked up toe. I have this little baby nail. It falls off.

Just keep your socks on, fam. That's what I do. That's what you do? If I have sex with a girl, I'm keeping my socks on the whole time. Duh. I don't care if it's Halle Berry, dog. I'll be butt naked walking to the fridge with socks on. I like the walk. I like the act out.

Yeah. You got a good vibe. You got a good vibe. You got a good vibe on stage. Thanks, fam. You too, man. Let's eat some ribs together. I love that idea. I make the best ribs.

Do you like basketball? You damn right I do. That's racist. You mentioned socks, and you like basketball. Check these out. Uh-oh. Whoa. That's Rodman's socks.

Hey. Wow. So that means you kind of crazy. You kind of crazy. But that's cool, though. You get rebounds. So if we play pickup, you're going to be on my team. Okay, Arthur.

What do you do for a living? I work at a fucking RV dealership as a service rider. As a what? As a service rider. So we sell RVs, and we also repair them. I'm the dude you come in and talk to. You say, yo, this is what the fuck is going on. How long have you been working in the RV business? Since November.

The homeboy got me the job so that's why I needed the job. I'll tell you what, the worst jobs, I'm not saying that's a bad job, but it's a bad job. It is. The worst jobs that you have in your life, those are the jobs that fuel all the comedy and creativity.

Yes, you damn right. So talk about that shit as much as you can on stage because you will find... I mean, so much of my stand-up was based on the fact that I got fired from The Sharper, you know, and from Blockbuster. You know, like there's so much there, and you can play with that stuff on stage. But you can be positive about it. I worked at Red Robin.

I sold T-shirts for the Seattle Supersonics. You take a job where you get to talk. I was a tour guide at Radio City Music Hall. I was a barker for the Comedy Cellar. Never got passed. I was intimidated by Mitzi. Not Mitzi. Esty. Whatever. But the deal is for the comedy seller. Never got passed. I was intimidated by Mitzi. Not Mitzi.

Esty. Whatever. But the deal is, public speaking matters. You know, it's like, and having a job. You know, everyone says they want to complain. I say have a cool job and you can talk. But you can be negative too. But it's funny to be positive.

That's what I do. I'm different. But that's a way to look at it. I'm from the Valley. Did you go to San Fernando High School? No. I went to Kennedy. Kennedy?

Yeah, Kennedy. Kennedy Cougars? Yeah. Wow. Wow. I mean, Brody, I know it's one of your skill sets, but it blows my mind every single time. So crazy. I can't believe you know every Los Angeles mascot. High school mascots.

That is like... There's a lot. I'm not saying that you are, but I'm saying I would expect that from some of the top pedophiles in the world. Like knowing every high school's mascot. You know what I mean? You know what's scary?

Hey, little girl. Oh, you're the Pacoima ponies, huh? How did the Mustangs do this week? That's high school, bud. Gotta go. I also know middle schools. I know Montessori schools. Hey, Tony.

Hey, Tony. I went to a high school with Riverwalk High. Yeah, and we had a mascot. It was the dead pigeon. Terrific. Just great. All right. She just got weird.

Oh, my God. I love it. All right. Arthur, do you currently have a girlfriend? No, I do not. I'm dodging that. Single as fuck. Have you ever taken a chick in one of the RVs?

No. Well, where my job is at, it's on Sepulveda, so there's a lot of prostitutes. So, you know, if I take any girl in there, I paid for it. But I ain't got that kind of money. I don't have that kind of money. You got to save up. I'm good. I'm good on that, fam.

What's the best RV out there right now? I say the fucking Holiday Rambler Vacationer. How many, if I were to get one of those, how many Casper mattresses could I fit in it? Oh. Tag. As many as you want, fam. Is that true? No, probably one.

If they were in the box, you could probably do like 10 or 15. Yeah, yeah. How many people does it sleep would be the question that I just asked you. Probably about eight, six. Six? Depends. Might have some bunk beds in there. The lift bed in the front. I hate that I know this shit, six. Depends. Might have some bunk beds in there. The lift bed in the front.

I hate that I know this shit. You work in an RV place? Yeah, I'm a service rider. I saw an RV across America. You could rent them? No, we don't deal in that bullshit. Arthur, I have a question. Would there be any chance that I could take

one of these RVs and try it for a hundred nights risk-free? And if I don't love it, you'll pick it up and refund everything? Fuck no. They don't give a fuck about the customers in the RV industry. They don't give a damn. Can a small Asian girl pick up the RV? Okay.

In the RV business, do you guys sucker a lot of people? I mean, is it normally a thing in which, for example, like people come and they want to take a family excursion, but they don't realize that it's a lot of work, changing the stuff and everything? Like, do you get a lot of people complaining after a while? Yes. What does that normally sound like and feel like to you? I've spent $30,000 on this fucking RV. Harvey Fierstein? Right.

They're like, why the fuck is this shit wrong? And I just tell the customers, hey, Fleetwood don't give a fuck about y'all. That's what you tell them? I keep it real because honestly, they don't expect to see a fucking black dude working at a fucking RV place. They're like, oh, hell no. You got the hustler lifestyle.

I guess so, man. I be getting tips, though, from the rich white people and shit. I get it. Yelp, one star. He told us Fleetwood doesn't give a fuck about us. No fucks. I like the red shoes. Are those gang affiliated? You know what? Hey, you know what?

So fucking ironic. I had my first audition today, and it was for a black gang member, and he's a blood. So I was like, okay, my neighborhood's blood, and I got some red shoes. I'm going to go ahead. Wow. So ironic, man. So I hope I get the role, man. You know what I'm saying?

Positive push. Yeah. Hope I get the role, fam. Wish me luck. Best of luck. What was it for? Short film. It's called Michael Virgin.

So what it is. I can tell you I don't give a fuck. I might not get it. My homeboy's a virgin. And he's in the set with me. Gang members. And I'm trying to get him some pussy. Oh, no, no.

Not ass. Not booty hole. Pussy. Okay? It's raining pussy. Okay? Not ass. Not one of those in the closet gang members.

But yeah. So so that's you know I'm just doing whatever it takes to get him some pussy and make sure he's down with the set cause you can't get respect in the streets as a virgin do you have any special hobbies or anything fun that you do for fun I roll weed up a lot I like to go to the beach

what do you do at the beach I chill roll up a lot of, more weed. On like what, like a towel or something? No, no, no, no, no, fam. What do you do? You like sit on a bench? I got something. On a bitch's booty most of the time.

Hey, hey, is it just me or is there a lot of sand on the beach? I don't know if this is crack. Is this a crack of weed, man? Wow. Grease bombing over there. Oh, no, they didn't have crack back then. Arthur, what would you – There's like millions of crystals.

There's more like grease, too, over there. There's like millions of sand. I'm not crazy. There's like millions of sand. Somebody go to the beach, tweet at me. I've never heard of Twitter, but – There you go. All right. Arthur, what do you literally do when you go to the beach. Tweet at me. I'd never heard of Twitter, but... There you go. All right.

Arthur, what do you literally do when you go to the beach? I'm curious. I've done that a couple times. Everything but go in the water. Yeah. That was the joke, folks. We were all waiting for that, and the drummer nailed it. Nailed it.

So we were all locked and loaded, let's be honest. I pinky nailed it. I'm going to keep it real. I don't go into the water because I don't like to be fucking ashy, okay? You can see the ash on black people, all right? I go to the beach. I chill. I invite some shawties.

I might hit up the drum circle. Wait, you have some what? Some shawties, some girls. Some shawties? Shawties. Shawties? I think you mean shawty. Shawty.

Shawty. Shawty. No. Shaw. Shaw. Shaw. Ow. Shawty. Shawty. Shaw. Open your mouth, Tony. Shawies. Shouties. Shout. Ow. Shouties.

Shouties. Shout. Open your mouth, Tony. Shouties. Shouties. Bring your lips together. Open your mouth and then bring your lips together. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. They're always shouting. They're like, shout. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties.

Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. Shouties. that later. Shouties. Shouties. This is some of the worst podcasting in the history of shows. Arthur, this was your first time on the show? My first time, man. Well, we hope to see you again.

There he goes, everybody. Arthur Hamilton. He's on Twitter at Comedian Arthur. Good job, buddy. I got a bad hand. I got a bad hand. Good job. Brody only has a bad hand when the comedians are black, by the way.

We don't know why that is. Yes! Good job. Going up first is tough. It's true. Not easy to do. Thank you for being nice. It looks like we found a winner.

Bagel dealer, am I right? Put your hands together for Ianan ian amayo ian amayo in amayo there's two people coming is that arthur again amayo oh there he is oh my bad make some noise for i Amayo, everybody. Come on, we're just getting started. Ian Amayo. Hi, everyone. I'm Nigerian.

I'm Nigerian. I'm sorry for the emails. I'm sorry for the emails. But that's how I make a living. The only thing I find more frustrating than being called a nigger for no reason is losing a fist fight to the person who called me a nigger. So I'm fighting this white guy. I'm fighting this white guy.

Now, I thought I'd win the fight because I felt Malcolm X's hand on my shoulder. I felt Malcolm X give me that civil rights strength. Now, at this time, UFC wasn't as popular as it is now, so I didn't know you could use your legs in a fistfight. Unluckily, I got a knee in the eye. Now, I thought I was going to teach this white guy a lesson. Unfortunately, the lesson I taught him was that he can call people niggers as long as he's able to beat them up.

Unfortunately for him, though, he died in an off-roading accident. On his Facebook wall, I saw these RIP posts, so I posted my own. I wrote, even though this guy called me a nigga for no reason, rest in peace. Alright,

that's my time. Wow. That was awesome. How long have you been on stand-up, Ian? Two years. How old are you? 24. Wow. Is that true? What happened? Did that happen?

Or sort of just a joke? It doesn't really matter. He didn't die, but his best friend died. And I didn't have a happy ending to that, so I was like, oh, I'm just going to make him die. I like that. His best friend did die. I love that. Okay.

Would you say he died in an offering accident? Yeah, he died in an offering accident. His, he died in an off-roading accident. His best friend died in an off-roading accident. Off-road. But I made it so that he died. Right. One little – I would definitely just change it to car or whatever because it doesn't have to do with it. And I don't think – maybe it's just me, but I didn't get off-road accident.

I didn't hear that. I was taking a second trying to think of what an offering accident is. It could just be a car. Yeah, car. He was in a car accident. Traffic, I don't know. Or if you're going to go with off-roading, you've got to make the punchline

because then it makes him kind of like a shitty hillbilly fucking guy. So if he was, then you gotta make the punchline more about that. Maybe something about how he was always on the right track or something like that.

I don't know. Something stupid. You have to figure it out. It's your shitty joke. I know. It's great. But somebody actually did call you the N-word. Oh, multiple times. Where was that at? Oh, this was in Bakersfield, California. Yeah, there you go.

Was it a band horn? Was it a lead singer? It might have been. That's the home of the Bakersfield Pumpkin Pioneers, right? Aaron Judge on the Yankee? No, he's from Fresno. My bad. By the way,

for those of you who just noticed, my improvising of a high school mascot was the pumpkin pioneers. Really didn't quite connect there. I like how you made a hate crime into a joke. What was the situation in Bakersfield?

Where exactly was it at? Oh, this was in a high school. Oh, it was in a high school. It's like a very conservative town. What was the high school? Ridgeview High School. Ridgeview. I stick in the valley.

Conservative towns are usually the most racist. What was that? I said conservative towns are usually the most racist. What's that? I said conservative towns are usually the most racist. Ridgeview is the Warriors, right? Yeah. Is it really? No, it's the Wolfpack. Whoa, that's pretty cool, the Wolfpack.

Like the Hangover, the Wolfpack. There's a connection. There you go. I come from my high school as a Wolfpack, and my favorite movie is The Hangover. Connection. I'll take that. I'll take high school as a wolf pack, and my favorite movie is The Hangover. Connection. I'll take that. I'll take that.

What do you do for work, Ian? Oh, I work at the post office. Really? Like the post office? Yeah, the post office. The United States post office? The United Post Office. What do you do for them?

I work as a clerk. I work in the back of the office. I get sassy with people. I work in the back of the office, though. There's a ton of material on the post office. Ton of material. Do you write jokes about your post office experiences? Not yet.

I would. That's a lot of stuff there. You got a stamp of approval. That's true. And you should definitely do it because you already have really, really good delivery. Yeah. You can say you don't want me to go postal. You better laugh or I'll go postal.

I'd do it lickety split. Wait, that didn't have anything to do with the post office. Lick. Did they have the post office? Wait, all right. When you were growing up, did you grow up in Bakersfield? Oh, I'm from Nigeria and then I moved to Bakersfield when I was five. Wow.

Yeah. You're from Nigeria? Yeah, I'm from Nigeria, and then I moved to Bakersfield when I was five. Wow. Yeah. You're from Nigeria? Yeah, I'm from Nigeria. Was your dad... Wow. Was your dad... Did he play basketball for the Rockets like Kim Olajuwon? No, he didn't.

No, he didn't. Worth a shot. Are you talking about Nigeria in your act? Sometimes. I mean, at the beginning you did, and it was very funny. Has anybody ever called you a Nigerian? Oh. They usually go, oh, Ian, you're Nigerian?

What am I saying? Did you know what they were saying when they did that? I did. I did. I did. Ian, you got good style, how you hold the mic, left-handed. It's good. You got good confidence up there.

I think the post office, that's a whole lot of material. Obviously, Nigerian, maybe growing up in Bakersfield, that's funny, too. So you got a lot of things. All right. So we poured the football. A little, for those of you that just joined the show, that was a recap of everything that we've talked about so far. He's from Bakersfield.

He works at the post office. Was Nigeria always your favorite place as a kid on the globe? Wait, what the fuck is going on up here? Hey, I got a question. Ian, what did your house look like? What was the hospital you were born in look like? What was the scenario? Pay me a picture.

How long were you in Nigeria for? Were there mosquito tents? I was in Nigeria for five years. In school, when it would rain, the school would flood. So we'd go to school while there was a fucking flood up to our waist. Oh, yeah. That must have been when the lady with the wet pussy was there. What is happening right now?

I think he's got a point. There was probably rice. What was it like when Rafiki held you up as a baby in the Animal Kingdom meals? I got a good view of everything. I got a good view of everything. What's the Nigerian mascot? Is that really the first note of that song? That's the first note? It starts right there.

Wait, hold on. That's really where Circle of Life starts? That guy sounds crazy. That's the beginning? That thing gets going right away. You want to hear it faster? Yeah. Please.

Wow. What if you did it as slow as possible? Wrong. Wow. What if you did it as slow as possible? All right. This is crazy. In Bakersfield when you were growing up, how many other black guys did you know? Three. Okay. I think you've got to talk about that because I've been to Bakersfield.

It's a shit show. Sorry, Bakersfield. It's a shit show. Sorry, Bakersfield. Yeah. Ian, where do you live now? I live in Chatsworth. Wow. Oh, I just booked a movie out there. You did?

Yeah, it's an adult video. Oh, yeah? I did a solo scene on a yoga mat. There you go. Got to do a hack joke to get you guys back. Hack to get back. They're already there, Brody. They're doing good.

Are you guys having fun out there? Yes, they are. Look at these guys. Positive pushing. Yes. Couples, disposable income. You got it. Ian, what's your love life like?

I'm single. How long has that been for? Like four years. Wow. Do you go out much? I just go. How long has that been for? Like four years. Wow. Do you go out much? I just go to open mics sometimes. Are you on any of the dating apps or anything like that? I try to OKCupid. How'd that work out for you? It didn't work.

So what kind of white chicks are you into? I don't like white chicks. You're not into white chicks? I'm into them, but in terms of like... It doesn't sound like you're into much, okay. You're not into white chicks? Well, I mean, I'm into them, but like in terms of like. It doesn't sound like you're into much, man. You've been single for four years. Well, I like. What's your favorite type of chick?

Latino. Oh, wait a second. We have a call coming in, everybody. The great Jeremiah Watkins is calling in from Montreal, everybody. Make some noise for Jeremiah. Here he is. What's up, buddy? Hello. Hey, yes, we can hear you. Hi, Jeremiah. Au revoir. How are you, Tony?

Yes. Hello. Is this Tony Hinchcliffe? Yes, it is. Hi, this is me. I am French-Canadian, Jeremiah Watkins. Hello? Oh, wow. You've only been in Canada for one day, and you've changed so much. I have adopted the culture pretty quickly.

That's great. It sounds like you're in the middle of another show right now. I am. As a matter of fact, I just want to call you and tell you you have reached your Lion King reference for the show. The Lion King reference for the sound effects police for how you say Lion King yes

yes Lion King alright can you hear me barely Tony Hinchcliffe and Redman. Is my bigot Patty Reagan there? Right here. Yes, he's here.

Hello. Hello. Is Stephen Kramer Glickman there yes I am hello Jeremiah hello I am a big time fan rush of you that one didn't work as well as the

Lion King joke that is ok as you as Bertie Stephen says positive push and believe in the next joke. Hello. Yeah, we're doing it. Pushing. Pushing through.

I love Montreal. I can barely hear any of what is happening right now, so I bid you a good show, and I hope to see you soon. There you go. I'm flying out to you tonight at 1.10am in Montreal to do your show tomorrow night live in Montreal to stand up on the spot that's where he is

Montreal Jeremiah Watkins love you Jeremiah love you buddy he's got two shows for those of you listening live in Montreal get tickets right now to stand up on the spot. It's Jeremiah's show. You know who Jeremiah is?

Oh, yeah. I like that guy. Oh, yeah. What have you been listening to? I noticed that your earbuds are hanging out of your shirt. Oh, I was listening to 80s music like The Promise, Right on Track, S.O.S. by Go West, 80s music. I've never heard of any of those. It's hot in Nigeria.

Oh, yeah, it's very humid. This is interesting that you haven't been on a date in four years. Why do you think it is? Do you even care? Oh, no, I've been on dates. I haven't been in a relationship in four years. What most recent date you went on? What was that like?

That was early June. Yeah? What did you do? We went to go see Wonder Woman. You took her to a movie on the first date? No, not on the first date, but like second or third. Oh. Didn't work out? No, it didn't work out. Did you hold her hand or anything during the movie?

No. Stick a finger in her? No. How about the first? Did you kiss her at all or anything? Yeah, I mean we kissed, but it wasn't like... Where? This is...

We went to the Korea Theater, CGV. CGV? CGV Theater? You gotta go to a drive-in, man. Yeah. Then you do that move, you put your arm around her and feel her boob. You take her to a movie, you get a large popcorn with a small hole in it. You do that, Brody?

Yeah. In the balcony at Santa Rana, but don't. Ian, when's the last time you had sex with a girl? Let's see. Oh, no. It's okay. Don't worry about it. Maybe like three or four months ago.

Three or four months ago. Okay. Yeah. How did that go down? Where'd you meet her at? Well, we met on OkCupid. Uh-huh. Yeah.

And then what happened? She was like in her early 30s. So she had like a... Experience. Jungle fever, that type of thing. Wait, she was a white girl. No, she wasn't a white girl. She was Honduran.

Oh, not Honduran. El Salvador. Really? Same thing, I guess. Are you hung? You should have taken her to Honduras. I mean, Nigerians usually have huge monster cots, right? Are you hung? You should have taken her to Honduras. I mean, Nigerians usually have huge monster cots, right? She's from El Salvador?

Yeah. So you were dating a daughter of an MS-13 member. That's gutsy. Probably. I respect that. Yeah. So she wanted to hook up with you. She knew you were black. And she's like, I want to hook up with a black guy.

Are you down? Yeah. And you're like, am I down? I'm Nigerian. Let's do this shit. She comes over to your place? No, I go over to her place. What was that like?

Was it clean? Not really. It was in a... El Salvadoran lady and her place is dirty? That's nuts. It smelled like fabuloso. I don't get it, but it worked. It was clean or no?

No. What was dirty about it? You remember anything specific? Condoms laying around everywhere? I mean, my version of clean isn't like squeaky clean, so I don't really care. Okay. Well, how'd that go down? All of a sudden you you're there, and

what, she just starts intensely kissing you? Well, first we watched a couple, like some, what do you call it, Spanish TV? I don't know what the fuck they were saying. What do you call it? Spanish TV? Was there TV in Spanish? Telemundo.

Telemundo, Univision, anything with Eva Longoria. Is it tricky when you send a girl an email and then it just goes right to her spam folder? Yeah, it does. Yeah, sometimes. Because he's Nigerian. No, I get it. It just goes back and forth. Sorry.

You got a good attitude. So you just sat there watching Spanish TV just waiting to make a move? Yeah, what happened then? Give us more. Keep going. Yeah, then she made a move. What was the move? What was the move?

Yeah, she just stood. What do you mean she made a move? What did she do to you? Let me try to remember. Well, she started grabbing my hand. Yeah, I love how the music went out as his imagination stopped making the images that he was coming up with in the moment. At the time, my hair was curly. She was like, oh, your hair is so curly. I like that.

At the time? At the time. Because I got a hair cut. It's curly now. Ian, are you, you like sports at all? I'm sticking on, we're trying to get something out of him. Yeah, we're trying to get a date out of him. Oh, okay.

I'll give you my J-date password. Meet my sister at Topanga Mall. She likes Panda Express. So she talks about your curly hair. You watch Spanish television. Then what happens? Then we just take off our clothes and fuck. All at once.

Yeah, you got it. Everything comes off at once. Now, do you guys like talk about it? I kept my socks on. You kept your socks on. Duh. What is with that? It's that little nail.

All of a sudden you're both naked, then what do you do? Your first move is now what? Caress her breasts. Caress her breasts? And then what? Then she reciprocates. Patty Reagan with the timing. Shit.

Damn. Fucking nailed it. Okay. shit damn fucking nailed it okay so you you are caressing her breasts with your hands yeah and what else then what do you do kiss her neck uh huh

tell her she's beautiful yeah oh I like that and then what what's that oh yeah Tell her she's beautiful. Yeah. Oh, I like that. And then what? What's that? Oh, yeah. What's that? And then what'd you do?

By the way, every time you're wondering what my next question is, it's going to be, and then what? So you can just keep going or you can make me say it. Okay. I mean, I just put my dick in her. Oh, my God. Perfect. There he goes, everybody. Ian Amayo.

I put my dick in her. I caressed her breasts. I kissed her neck. I told her she was beautiful. And then I put my dick in her. I had curly pubes at that time. That's a good move. This is interesting.

Put your hands together for Tierney Michon. Not cool enough. Tierney Michon. Not cool enough. Michon. Bringing the motherfucking heat. Tierney Michon. Tierney Michon. It's a long run.

She must be winded. Perrion's going for Tierney one more time. Hi. When I was 15 years old, I cut and colored my hair to look exactly like my mom's. She had this bob, red hair. But it was short-lived because I got really sick of my dad coming up behind me and asking me if I wanted to fuck.

Woo! We're really close now. It took about ten years. He kissed me. He kissed me on the lips the day he got married twice, because clearly he and my mom got divorced. And I had to just play it cool. When, you know, he was getting married and he's like,

I'm the groom, so I can do whatever I want to you. He kisses me on the lips and I'm like, there's a picture being taken right now. But until that time, he had not hugged me. but until that time, he had not hugged me. Wow, this is about to get interesting as fuck. I have so many questions. Okay.

Man, you make those other guys seem boring as fuck. Well. I'm so excited. Look at you, you crazy little one. Well. So this was your dad we were talking about the whole time? Yeah, his name is Tom. Your dad's name is Tom?

From Facebook? Oh my god, and he's so wonderful. I call him the wizard. Why? Why do you call him the wizard? Because he casts a spell on my pussy. Ah! I like how you turned a sex crime into a joke.

Here's the problem. Whenever I have sex with somebody who's a little overweight, I think about my dad right before I cum. Oh, my God. It's really fucked up. Hi. Nice to meet you. A pleasure.

Really great. You're great. Wow. Went for it Really great. Wow. Went for it. Glickman, I've never seen you stand up before. That was incredible. Oh my god, I hate it so much. Wow, you are crazy as fuck.

I know. I love it. I'm so sorry. Where are you from? Minnesota. Is that Minnesota music or something? Is this your real father? Not a stepfather?

What is that? Why does she dance every time you play it? It's Minnesota. It's Minnesota. What? Mall of America. I'll be there next month. I can't help it.

Oh, my God. Tierney. Oh, no, I can't help it. You can't help what? I wish you could. How long have you lived in Los Angeles? Four years. For four years.

What do you do? Well. What is it, Tierney? What do you do? I'm a server at two restaurants. Wow. I'm an actor, so I'm a server. You are a server at two restaurants?

Are they, let me ask you this, are they two private establishments or are they two chains? Jesus Christ. You guys, you know what? You wouldn't know, you fucking plebs, if the future came in. That was a great joke, Tony. It's good.

You wouldn't know it if the future head-butted you right between your fucking eyes. Hey, you're really talented. Keep it cool, Tony. I really like your Wu-Tang shirt. I don't know what you're saying, Tierney. Hey, you're really talented. Keep it cool. I really like your Wu-Tang shirt. I don't know what you're saying, Tierney. It's nothing to fuck with. It's nothing to fuck with. So, what are the two restaurants that you work at?

One of them, I'm suing. Golden Road. Golden Road Brewery. Wow. Oh. Is that on the way to the... i don't think i'm allowed to say that i think my lawyer right now would be like what the fuck did you do i'm like i got drunk and told everybody that i'm suing golden road because sexual harassment we're we're gonna call

your lawyer we're gonna go my fucking lawyer was like, what did you do? What you do on stage does not affect the rest of your life. Sure. It's a fact. Cool, cool, cool, cool. It's a fact. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Just ask Kramer from Seinfeld.

You work at Golden... Yes. Why are you suing me? You got it. Why are you suing that place? I got raped in a bathroom Holy shit Oh my god We're the worst people In America It's fine It's cool It's fine We're the worst people in America.

It's fine. It's cool. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Was it your dad? You know, in a way,

it kind of felt like my dad because he was older. But honestly, the guy who raped me sounds like Mickey Mouse. In a way, it kind of felt like my dad because he was older. But honestly, the guy who raped me sounds like Mickey Mouse. Oh, no, stop. Is that true? How you doing? Every time I hear that kind of cadence, like, oh, how you doing?

It ain't the happiest place on earth. Wow. So, I mean, it seems like you're pretty comfortable talking about it, huh? I am, yeah. Huh. You sort of stalled there for a second. Oh, wait, I don't want to say stall around you. I don't want to bring back a... Oh, Jesus.

It's a trigger. I feel like... Triggering. Have you considered Lamictol? What's that? It sounds like a drug, and I'm always interested in drugs. Is that true? Do you do a lot of drugs? Oh.

What are some of your favorites? I like acid a lot. Yeah. Sure. Sure. I like acid a lot. Yeah? How often do you do it? I've done it five times.

Today? The last time was with my friend Angela, and we got the acid from a man who had a ponytail down to his butt. And he said, if you want to have pure acid... Meet me in the bathroom. Meet me at my house. You know, he told me to come to his house.

And so he gave me the address and we went. His girlfriend wasn't happy, but we got free acid and it was really lovely, actually. His girlfriend wasn't happy because she was dating someone that had a ponytail. I think it was because

she had just gotten out of the shower. So, Tierney, are you suing the restaurant that you worked at because it happened when you were working there? Yes. And it was from someone else that worked there? Yeah, both. Huh. Had you guys been drinking or something like that? Yeah.

Yeah. It was after closing hours? Yes. Alright, well, I find in favor of the defendant for, uh, It was after closing hours? Yes. Alright. I find in favor of the defendant for... That was great. Thanks, Brody. You should be my lawyer. No, no.

Your lawyer is much more qualified and on the side of many more city buses than I could ever... I don't know. You're like... city buses than I could ever. Machino and Barnes. I don't know. You're like. Injury insurance. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Machino and Barnes. Tyranny. What's the craziest thing you've ever done? You seem nuts. So I want to know like what you think is crazy. The craziest thing I've ever done is. Don't overthink it.

If you want to name a few on your way to number one, you could go right ahead. If you want to rattle off some things that you might not necessarily... I shit my pants at the top of a mountain. That Ari Shaffir, that happened to him. I didn't mean to. At the top of a mountain. Magic mountain? At the top of a mountain. It was in Montana.

It wasn't magic. Are you shitting your pants again right now? You just got down in the squatty part. Look! Are you Eliza Schlesinger? She does. No, but can I be pleased? God, please.

You got a great body. Do you talk about it on your show? Whoa. That's like, okay. No, I be a Brody. No, a great body. Do you talk about it on your show? Whoa. No, it's not. Brody was in The Hangover 1 and 2. He once made it to the mountaintop as well. And he also shit his pants when he was there.

I shit my pants in first grade at the private school. More than I want to talk about. I shit my pants recently and made eye contact with people. I was in my car and I was shitting my pants because I was sick. And my road was closed off. I remember when. No, seriously.

I remember when. My road was closed. I remember when I shit my pants. My road was closed and I couldn't get home. And so I had to pull up into this. You should have been wearing pull-ups. Joel Berg is in the fucking house. So you pulled up to a what?

So I was just making eye contact with people as they were passing my car. Yeah. And shit was like crawling up my back. Why was it crawling up? Were you hanging upside down? What are you, a fucking bat? Sure, it wasn't spiders. Were you on the moon?

My shorts were tight. And I was sick. And so the poop went up? It did. God, you are. I was reaching to the back to try to get my yoga towel so that I could put it under me to make, you know, the shit go onto the yoga towel. You do yoga a lot. I do a lot of yoga.

You do a lot of yoga and you're still this crazy. Yeah. Wow. Anyway. When's the last time you had a boyfriend that had to deal with this oh my god I actually this is I'm a serial monogamist I've been

me too last it was cinnamon toast crunch before that it was 10 years actually fruit loops for 4 months I've been single but even then like I can't keep people away from me.

I'm addicted to relationships. People fall in love with me. No kids. One abortion. You did, and you still... Wow. I'll tell you this. Wow, I had a joke planned that I was so certain I was going to get a no that I almost started doing it.

But you cut me off there with a good old one abortion, super honest truth bomb, we would call that. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't said anything that would stop any of these guys from dating you, though. So don't worry about it. I know. Like, I might have herpes. I'm not sure.

And there it is. I wonder how you got it. Who was your last boyfriend? His name is Campion. Campion? Wait, what? What happened to the H? Tony, what's happening right now?

He is a champion. That's what he says. It's champion without the H. You have eight cigarettes in your mouth. Oh, tyranny, tyranny, tyranny. Yeah, oh my God, I didn't expect to get out. Did you take the bus here? I did. There you go.

Wow! Wait, wait, wait, hang on. Did you drive the bus here? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Did you drive the bus here? Wait, wait, wait. What? Was that a short one? What's the bus that you took to get here? The short one.

Uber. Oh, it was an Uber? Chris Dillon wrote that joke, baby. I didn't take a bus. I've never actually been in a bus other than the yellow school bus. Oh, wow. I'm white. Bang bus?

Oh, my god. Wait, what the fuck? We need like six horses of truth here. So you don't seem to know what makes you sound racist and what doesn't. So let me ask you a question. I only knew one black kid growing up and she was from Haiti.

And she was adopted by a white family so she was basically just a French kid. I didn't know. That sounds like every racist excuse. I don't know! I don't know what it is. I've never met an Hispanic person until I moved here. Did your father work for the Minnesota Police Department? No.

A lot of problems. Joel's introducing himself to Tierney right now, ladies and gentlemen. That's my life 51. Nice to meet you. Gato, gato, gato, gato. That's the only word I know. Okie dokie, Tierney. Gato, that's a cat.

Are you doing the ding dong show after this? Loco, that's you. How long have you been doing stand-up? Since June 3rd. There you go. Well, you're very new, and you're very honest and open, and I'm excited to see you again soon. There she goes. Completely

insane. Tierney Michon. Don't kiss the mic. She kissed the mic. The mic now has herpes. Ladies and gentlemen, Maria Bamford's daughter. There she goes, everyone. Tierney Michon. Okay, okay. What's that?

I teach a comedy course. There she goes. To my apartment. Tierney, everybody. Back to the rocking chair in your nightmares, she goes. If you know somebody that has mental health problems, you should contact somebody, though. Seriously.

There was something from Redman. Glad to be the first Hispanic she ever met. Don't talk to actresses, either. Man, I love that wacky Seinfeld thing. I'd watch episodes of that. Okay, I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Brianna Upton. Brianna! Brianna Upton. Brianna.

Brianna Upton. Yeah. Why are people, why would people get up now? Brianna. Oh, okay. There we go. Very good. Keep it going.

Hi, guys. Okay. So I just downloaded this app that tells you who unfollows you on Instagram. It's called Hurt My Goddamn Feelings. And my ex-boyfriend, he's on the list of people who unfollowed me. He's actually the only person on the list, which I would have been okay with if he didn't also block me because I feel

like that's basically saying, Brianna, I know everything about you, I know you to your core, and I don't want anything to do with that shit. But yeah, it sucks because dating's really hard for me. I see people all the time, they go from one relationship to the next with absolutely no lag time in between, and I'm like, how are you guys doing that? You know, call me old-fashioned, but it takes a long time for me to trick a guy into liking me. Guys come for the pretty face and leave immediately because of my shitty personality.

I need the lag time. Okay, I'm shaking now, so I'm going to stop. There you go, Brianna Upton. 55 seconds of Brianna Upton. That seems very realistic and true. 55 seconds of Brianna Upton. That seems very realistic and true.

You women do do that to a lot of men. You trick us. Yes. What's one of the things that you don't want guys to know about until they're a while into a relationship with you? The voices. That I wear Birkenstocks.

Well, I kind of have a foot fetish, which I don't know a lot of. I feel like guys have that fetish. You like crazy fucked up little feet with no nails? Like the little toes? Yeah, of course. I like no socks on.

That's the way I like it. For your feet or for the guy's feet? Well, I don't know if you know this, but... There's a lot of stretching going on. Brody, put your... It's very close to me. Well, I mean, I don't see why a foot fetish would scare a lot of guys away.

What else is there? I don't know. Some guys get a kick out of a foot fetish. What are some of the things about your personality that you don't like about yourself? I feel like I'm really needy. I like a lot of attention. So, yeah. Sometimes

when I'm in a relationship, guys say that I ask for too much. Like, for example, what? The last relationship you were in? Last relationship, the guy said he couldn't give me what I wanted, but I just wanted him to spend time with me. Right, yeah. Be around me, hug me.

So you got a good childhood growing up. Definitely. And he was busy doing what, working? No, he didn't have a job. He didn't have a job and he wasn't spending time with you? He got kicked out of the Navy. Whoa. Why'd he get kicked out?

I don't know. He wasn't blowing enough dudes? It's a Navy joke. That's a Navy joke. Other armed forces would laugh at that. Yes, there's a pig noise for some reason. Was he on a boat?

He was on a ship. He built bombs, I think. For what country? Such a great... How long have you been doing stand-up? For about six months. You born and raised here in L.A.? I'm born and raised in North Carolina. How long have you been here?

For about nine years. Nine years. What have you been doing for the nine years? Going to school, working. Where's school? Cal State Long Beach. The 49ers. Is that true?

Are they the 49ers? Definitely 49ers. Wow. That's too easy, though. So then what did you study when you were there? Well, I'm still in school. Still? Nine years?

Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm only 23. I moved when I was, I think I was 13. That must be why they call it the 49ers, because that's when you're expected to graduate. I like it. I like your attitude on stage. It's fun.

You're like a little Aubrey Plaza style, kind of. You know, a little dry, but I like it. Not to be confused with Glickman, who's more of like an Aubrey shopping mall. Not to be confused with Clickman, who's more of like an Aubrey shopping mall. No, you definitely got a good style. It's different. You're tall.

Can I ask what your background is? Is it Polynesian? Yes. Thank you. My mom is Hawaiian and Samoan. Really? Polynesian? He just guessed that? He got it right.

You are Tallinesian. She's tall. There's a joke. Come on, guys. Brody is on fire right now. You got a Red Bull kick in. Did you ever think of dropping the... Brody's the only person that drinks a sugar-free Red Bull and gets psychic powers.

Yes, it's kicking in now. You're a Polynesian. You are telling us you're going to school to be a really a stripper. What? It's all true. No, Brianna, what are you studying there? Creative writing. Creative writing. And a lot of jobs in that field. Creative writing,

aka graffiti. That's good. And what are you doing for work to support yourself? I just quit my job. I worked at a movie theater, and then the next day I got hired at the improv. This improv here on Melrose? Irvine.

Irvine. Applause redacted. All right. Oh, it's Irvine. Just kidding. Oh, the one right an hour and a half east. Okay.

No, that's cool. Well, that'll be a fun drive. Yeah, it's worth it. No, I'm kidding. It'll be good. And is that near where you go to school? No, not really. It's like an hour away. Yeah, you take where you go to school? No, not really. It's like an hour away. You take the 405, right?

And then you can take a toll road, 73. Were you working at that movie theater there before at the Improv Spectrum Center? No, I was working at the Marine Corps. Is that right, Brody? That's called the Improv Spectrum Center? It's called Irvine Spectrum. They have the Ferris wheel.

Taco Bell headquarters across the street. Oh, sure. That's correct. You seem very nervous on stage, I think, once you get through that. Yeah, because you can tell. The audience can tell that. I'm shaking. I know.

I mean, I can't help it. Do a couple shots. No, that's not how it works. Don't do that. Get drunk. That's not how it works. Don't do that. That's not how it works. I like your material and I like what you're bringing to the table. I think it's great.

You're doing a great job. Instagram stuff's good. That's young. Are you verified on Instagram? Why would she be verified? I like what you're bringing to the table too. Just keep those freaking feet off it. You said foot fetish. You like men's feet?

All right. That's disgusting. Is there something? Do you think stand-up is exactly what you want to do? What's your main goal and dream? I want to be a comedy writer. A comedy writer. So right for Comedy Central.

Did you say Comedy Central? Comedy Television. Comedy Television. Like what? Like sort of like jokes? Like Game of Thrones or something? No, that's... Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen?

Or more like a sitcom or something like that? Yeah. You don't really know exactly? No, not really. Have you written any scripts? I have. A few spec scripts. That's a good start. There you go. Have you written any scripts? I have. A few spec scripts. That's a good start.

There you go. There you go. So, okay. Did you go to Coachella this year? No. Have you been? No. What is the most fun thing that you've done this year?

Most fun thing you've done? Most fun thing I've done this year? Other than steal Freddy Krueger's sweater. I had sex in a truck, and I've never done that before. Hey, there we go. Nice. Can you repeat that one more time? I had sex in a truck, and I've never done that before. Hey, there we go. Can you repeat that one more time? You had sex in a what? In a truck.

In a truck? A pickup truck. Sure it wasn't an RV? Where was the pickup truck parked? It was at a motel. Dead Man's Curve. It was at a hotel? It was in a motel parking lot on PCH.

A pickup truck? I knew the guy. Why didn't you just go into the motel? A pickup truck? That's actually good in hindsight. He lived in a pickup truck on the beach? Was it Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon? Yeah.

I love how proud you are of your 1987 reference right there Brody Stevens classic film was it the back of the pickup truck like the open area he had a shell thing over it a camper what's the rate on that

I thought it was fun that was like the funnest thing yeah that is fun did you guys only have sex once that night? Yes. Did you use a condom? Yes. Was he like a rock? Like a rock. Did you put the condom on using your mouth? Oh, Jesus. Brian, you're

so fucking gross. Did you? Did you? Put your hands together for Brianna Upton, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes, her first time on the show. Brand new to comedy, started in June, July. Yeah, this is... That's one month in the game right there.

Follow her on Twitter at Hawaiian Garbage. That's Brianna Upton. Literally, that's her Twitter handle. And then there's Tierney Michon on Instagram, Tiana Mayo, Arthur Hamilton. It's all happening. It's all happening.

I'm going to go back to the bucket again. Or should we do our regular, you think? Should we get Allie up here and then go back to the bucket? Alright, great. You know her. You love her. We're going to go to her and then we're going to go back to the bucket maybe once or twice after this. She is the regular on this show. This is the only person

that doesn't get pulled out of the bucket. Instead, she writes and performs a brand new 60 seconds every single week in an effort to have her growth and everything documented on a live show. Here she is, the Frankenstein of Kiltony,

Allie Makovsky, everybody. Last time I was here, I talked about how I get uncomfortable getting dick pics. I don't know what to say. So actually, right before the show, someone Instagrammed me a dick picture. I don't know what to say. So actually right before the show, someone Instagrammed me a dick picture. I didn't know it was that easy. I just had to talk about something on stage and I get it.

So next week will be all about money and how I need more of it. If anyone wants to Venmo me, I will follow back. I noticed that all older black women sound like Aretha Franklin. Every older black woman can hit this note. They're just like, They might not even be good at singing. They can just hit that note. I grew up with my friend, and we would always go to a black church,

and they just hit it. It's in them. It's the spirit. I just wish that they would use it outside of church. I want to hear a woman at Chipotle being like, extra guac! Maybe they work for Comcast, and they're on the phone. I'm like, hey, when's the guy coming over? She's like, hey, Seuss, we'll be there between 12 to 3.

Can I just do one last? Yes. I would love to see a doctor who does that. Just like, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you got diabetes. Ali Makovsky. There you go. That was funny. That was funny. It sort of has shades of

reminds me of one of the stars of Kill Tony, the great Aphrodite. Yeah. Is she out there? Nice. There she is. In the darkest corner I've ever seen of the comedy store. She's wearing a pink glittery shirt just to let you know that she's actually physically there. Aphrodite, you are really something. Can somebody take a picture of this?

Look how funny she looks. She just blends it. Something, something, titties too big. That's definitely Aphrodite, I can confirm. She was the inspiration for that joke. Aphrodite, can you hit that note that she's talking about?

Wow. She did it and then some. Oh, shit. Listen to that evil cackle. Back to her haunted castle she goes. Wow. Wow. Whoa.

She's turned into Mrs. T over there. You better watch yourself, fool. Mrs. T-cell. Hey, Allie. Black tea? I thought mine was better. How'd you have that? That's crazy.

Allie, when you put your outfit on today, did you look in the mirror and say, there's no doubt this is the outfit I'm going with? No, Pat. Yeah. Allie, I like the Jackie. You look like a member of the Jewicide Squad. It is pretty impressive.

It looks like you were perhaps sleeping in bed, and you got attacked by a leopard while still in bed. But instead of losing, you won and then decided to wear its skin straight out of bed as some form of achievement and championship. Am I right close to that?

I think it looks like I went golfing in the jungle. It looks like you were checking the mail. You look like the white amber rose. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

Ivory rose. It's a good look. Thank you. Yeah, it is interesting. Are you comfortable? You look like Boone Chakalaka's daughter. Oh. Am I comfortable?

Yeah. Just like in life or in this outfit? In the outfit. Oh, I'm very comfortable. How about in life? In life, very. Well, a little bit uncomfortable, but in a good way. What's going on this week?

Any advances on a new job, perhaps? We found out you got fired from the restaurant last week. No new job yet. Still kind of looking. Have you been going on interviews? Interviews? No. Have you been going out at all, dressed like that at all in public?

I did dress like this in public, but I didn't have the cheetah coat on, which could have really taken me to the next level. Right now the guy from Nigeria is like, that's my type of girl. She's fast. And those are pajama pants. How long have you had those for?

No, they aren't. They aren't. Everyone keeps saying that. They're not pajama pants. Oh, you just make them look like pajama pants. She just sleeps in them. Yeah, I did sleep in them last night. I make some pajama pants, like I said.

I mean, but I sleep in regular pants too. Anything's pajamas if you just fall asleep in it. It's a very interesting look. It's very rock star. Yeah, it is. It's also very confusing on the eyes. A lot of patterns. Yeah, it's more like crack rock star now that I think about it.

It's very T.J. Miller. It's very Courtney Love. It's very Courtney Love. It's very me. I like it. I haven't seen you before. I like the look. I get it. You have seen me before. You definitely have. She got a haircut.

What high school did you go to? I went to Los Alamitos High School. Oh, I should know that. Home of the Griffins. No. I wouldn't have gotten Oh, I should know that. Come on. Home of the Griffins. No. I wouldn't have gotten it, but I know there's Los Alamitos racetrack, harness racing. My dad used to work down there. There's a Wendy's.

There is a Wendy's. Thank you. Yeah. Not every city has a Wendy's. Well, I haven't seen you before. By the way, Glickman also knew there was a Wendy's in Los Alamitos. I know where all the Wendy's are. I keep track.

You're very funny. You did a good job. Thanks. You did great. Thank you. Why do you keep doing that to people? Why do you keep saying, you're funny. I'm going to let you keep living.

It's like this really weird thing you keep doing. No, I just like it. I like comedians. You make a face like you're not unsure of it. You're like, I think you're good, but I could be wrong. I don't know what face I'm doing. I like that. You're doing a great job.

The one where it looks like you're trying to squeeze poop out of your belly button. Tony, she's doing a great job. I really, no, it was great. Any other crazy developments this week in your real life, Allie? Very complimentary. Too complimentary. It's okay. Sorry.

How long have you been doing comedy for? I just hit three years. Oh, really? Wow. I think you got great confidence up there. You got something. Yep, you're doing great stuff. Thank you.

And what kind of job did you? Oh, I was going to say. Yeah. Okay, speaking of jobs, Wee Man was here the other week. He's here tonight. I love him. Chronic Tacos.

You got it. There's a Chronic Tacos right by where I grew up in Long Beach. And when I was in high school, I went in because it was just opening. So I went in to apply for a job. And so I started training and then they never called me back

or paid me for it. But I still love you. Thank you. I would love to work at Chronic Tacos. Wee Man, there's a Chronic Tacos at Angel Stadium. I went to the game. That was awesome. Burbank just opened one.

We love it. We love Wee Man. Make some noise for Wee Man in the house, ladies and gentlemen. I love it. We love Wee Man. Make some noise for Wee Man in the house, ladies and gentlemen. I have experience. I worked at Red Robin. Yeah. Are you dating now? Am I dating? No.

I was abstinent for a hot second. Then I decided to hook up with this guy on No. I was like abstinent for a hot second. And then I decided to hook up with this guy on Tinder. And he was super weird. And after we had sex, he came out of my bathroom and said, I smelled your deodorant. And then he was like, I didn't expect you to be a powder fresh type of girl. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah.

But he was so hot. But isn't he just trying to make small talk or something? Like, be funny? Aren't these, like, guys that aren't comedians? Aren't they like, I did something weird. Yeah, I think that might have been it. Right? Now that I think about it.

What did he do for work? What is he doing? What is he? Oh, he works at a StubHub Center. Oh. Yeah. That's his dick. He showed me all. StubHub? Is that, like, an amputee place? No, StubHub Center. Oh. Yeah. And then he like, he showed me all.

StubHub? Is that like an amputee place? No, StubHub Center. Where they do like games and stuff. Like, you know, soccer. They can't play soccer. They're amputees. They don't use their hands in soccer.

No, they don't. Oh, good point, Tony. Guys, if you're trying to date a female comedian, don't try to make her laugh. Just shut up. Yeah, just shut up and fuck me. And take her for dinner. Give me that dick.

I'm very passionate. I have a Brazzers account. The great Allie Makowski, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes. Another brand new killer minute. And make sure you check out Chronix Tacos. Her new movie,

I Can't Coming to America. I didn't get that one. What does that mean? Because James Earl Jones wears the lion coat in that. And Allie notoriously can't come. So coming. So not.

Okay, here we go. Not coming to America. Oh, man. They love you. Listen to the fans of the show roaring in the crowd. The real fans. I love you guys. I pulled another name out of the bucket.

You guys ready for this? Put your hands together for Serafina Rodriguez. I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys ready for this? Put your hands together for Serafina Rodriguez. I love this song. Push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push. Hey, how's it going? My boyfriend and I just broke up. Don't feel too bad.

That guy was a total face fucker. You know what a face fucker is? That guy laughed. He knows what a face fucker is. You know, when you're going down to the guy and he just starts fucking your face. Don't do that.

We don't like it. Unless you meet some girl that's all, oh yeah, yeah. Fuck my face. Fuck it. Don't do it. We don't like it. You know, if you care about me like you say you do, try not to look so happy when I'm choking on your dick.

Try to look concerned. It's polite. I think it's time to go back over to the ladies. Anybody here like the ladies? Not even the dudes, that's sad. I like to say that I'm half gay. I don't like the word lesbian. It's kind of gross, Like the word moist or marriage.

I like to say that I'm half gay and half Mexican because that is accurate. Coming out to my family was really interesting. Can I finish this? Everybody had a different reaction. My brother was like, yes. My sister was like, I know. My mom was like, no. My dad was like, me too. And I was like, no! My dad was like, me too.

And I was like, god damn! Thank you, that's my time. Serafina Rodriguez. Thank you. Great job. In the San Fernando Valley, we call it skull fucking. I've got more face than skull.

Fuck my fat cheeks. Nostrils, ear. Serafina, when did you get out of prison? Ha! Shit! Actually, I'm like one of the only non-felons in the Rodriguez family, so... Really? Yeah.

It's hard to get in trouble when you spend all your time doing scratch-off lottery tickets, right? The scratchers. Love that shit. What part of the valley are you from? Actually, I live in Koreatown. I've been here for ten years, but I'm originally from Boise, Idaho. Oh, that is deep in the valley. What do you do for work?

I'm a barista in West Hollywood. What place? It's called Cafe Demitasse over on Santa Monica in Westbourne. Oh. I don't go down there. How long is it? Yeah? You ever say,

I'll take my coffee orange because orange is the new black. Patty motherfucking Reagan. You took the words out of my fucking mouth. Crankin' homers. Or you go Caltrans. Use that.

But as a joke, if you wore the pants again, you say, I just got back from my Caltrans gig. There's something there. Oh, God, I just got the whole orange reference thing. Shit. You're wearing Donald Trump pants. I don't know. Something with orange. Look at his face.

There you go. You wrote the bit. Caltransgender. Something with Warren. Look at his face. There you go. You wrote the bit. Kel transgender. Serafina. All right. Are you really bisexual? Yeah. Who do you find it to be like 50-50 or you have a little bit of a preference?

I've added up the numbers. 26 and 26. Is that true? That's absolutely true. That's my numbers right now. Wow. They pile on fast. You ever do both at once? Yeah. What do you prefer

then? Well, you get a little bit of both, so you don't have to choose. I don't know. Serafina, 27 is my favorite number. What's that? 27 is my favorite number. Ooh, yeah. Meet me out in the parking lot.

Also, Brody's always wanted to have sex with someone that looks like Ron Jeremy. So I'm pretty sure... Oh, my God. I'd do a scene with Ron Jeremy. I'd be honored. Brody and the Hedgehog? F yeah. I get Roseanne and John Belushi a lot, actually.

How about The Rock and Moana? How long have you been doing stand-up for? About a couple of years now, solid. Has anyone ever told you? Oh, shit. Here it comes. Forget it, forget it. Fuck, what?

How long have you been barista-ing for? 12 years. Jesus fucking Christ. I know, it's bad. 12 years as barista. You're from Iowa or Ohio? I don't know. Neither.

Now, how many years were you on that Nickelodeon show? She looks like that Nickelodeon kid. I'd play that up, too. Hey, yeah, that's a good one. You look like a Nickelodeon girl. I have no fucking clue what you're talking about. Are you talking about Amanda Bynes? I assume she was fat.

Well, but no, just you look like, just maybe it could work. I do a joke. Like I say, I look like Bull from High Court. You can say the girl from the 80s. Yeah, the one from the one on television, the one her brother's on Modern Family. That kid hurt his sister is a big nickel. But what do I know? Anyone ever? I look, I think the reference that I last get would be like, today's special, or you can't do that on television. I remember the first time I met you, you were playing one of Marge Simpson's sisters in The Simpsons. Anybody ever come into your coffee shop and say, what's Danny DeVito doing working here? What's your love life like?

I get despicable me every once in a while. 26 and 26. You're split dead even. What do you think is next? A cheetah. Whatever comes after me when I rub peanut butter all over. I don't know. What's a good tip for a dog?

Like if I get a large sugar-free vanilla. Don't order that shit. We hate it. Why? Get anything that I can pour art into because it's more about me than you. Wow, that was a bad question. I live in Seattle. I know about velvet foam.

Are you talking about Idaho on stage? What? Are you talking about your childhood on stage? Oh, at the moment? I don't know. I'm confused right now. When's the last relationship you've been in? I just got out of

a relationship a couple months ago. How long were you with him for? On and off for four years. Was it him? It was a boy. For four years? Yeah. Why did it end? He just couldn't make up his mind that he wanted to be with me. I think there was a big age gap.

You think there was? Was he younger or older? He was older. About 26 years. He was 17 years older than me. I don't even have an associate's degree, and he's a doctor. He was 62? Kind of the blue-collar gap, too.

Wait, he's a doctor? He's a psychologist. Oh. Those are the worst at dates. Oh, they're horrible to date. Lesson learned. Don't date comedians. Don't date psychologists.

You ever try Lamictal? CVS later. I'll talk to you. Give me talk therapy. I like them tall. Serafina, what's something weird about you that you normally wouldn't want anybody to know about? Something weird that you do, perhaps a weird habit, something that you do around the house that you're sort of like, man, I can't believe I do that.

I should probably stop doing that. Bite your toenails. Yeah, like, hold on, guys, let her answer. So you pull the wings off butterflies. I don't bite my toenails. I let my dog clean out my nostrils sometimes. Is that what you call your vagina? Oh my god.

Yep. I hope it's a chihuahua. It is a chihuahua, yeah. There you go. I know the dog. Jesus, Brody, your instincts are insane. Love is love. Love is love.

I didn't realize I booked Zoltar on Kill Tony tonight. I didn't realize I booked Zoltar on Kill Tony tonight. Fuck, what the fuck was the last thing we just fucking did? The dog licking her pussy. Yes, that's the fucking thing. Yeah, that's what it was. So explain to us how you do that. Just do it. No, I just, you know, when I come home,

she's excited to see me and i'm like come here and i pick her up and i give you my kiss and then she just like goes right for my nostrils and for some reason i like it then you tell the dog just about three feet lower have you ever let the dog do anything gross to you like that or or if you have an open mind i guess it's not gross uh i don't think it's that gross. I know lots of people that kiss their dogs like that. I don't know. Some of these girls, they put peanut butter down there.

I've heard those stories. Do you ever put velvet foam down there? What? Velvet foam? I lived in Seattle. I learned a drink. I don't know. Foam from the drink.

I lived in Seattle, uptown Espresso, home of the velvet foam. You talked about the art. Sorry that I got, you know, took it to another branch. If you want to get gross, you probably have to go for something that dogs like, like meat juice of some sort. Oh.

Oh, it is. What are you talking about? Like hot dog juice. You just put it on there? Squeeze it in. Wow. Open your legs. I don't know.

Wow. Orange is the new bark. I'll never look at Arby's again. Alright, Serafina. How do you feel? Good. Not as crazy nervous as I thought I was going to be being up here.

First time? First time up here, yeah. Congratulations. Serafina Rodriguez, ladies and gentlemen. Fina Mofo on Twitter. F-I-N-A-M-O-F-O. You guys think we should go to the bucket one more time? Yeah.

Okay. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. Okay. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. Okay, that's what it is. You know what this means, ladies and gentlemen. When you see that thick, black, sharpie magic marker, that can only be one human being. You heard murmurs of her here earlier tonight.

Let's see how crazy this place can get for the great Aphrodite. Aphrodite. Aphrodite. Come on, guys. Make some fucking noise. Make some noise. Come on, guys, make some fucking noise! Well, hello, boys and girls.

How are you? Oh, shit. I want to tell you guys, you know, this is nothing like fucking the church guy. Oh. Oh, you think these guys that don't go to church can fuck. You ain't seen nothing. Oh, my goodness.

Church guys will fuck your brains out. Matter of fact, you won't have any brains because they have to, you know, not do it for like another six months. So they're going to like fuck you like you can't believe. They'll suck your pussy so good until you'll be like saying God to hope. Oh, I'll join church. Just keep sucking my pussy. I will join. I give up to Jesus. If I'm going to get my pussy sucked like this,, I'll join church. Just keep sucking my pussy. I will join.

I give up to Jesus. If I'm going to get my pussy sucked like this, I got to join Jesus. I just got to. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my gracious. Oh, oh. Didn't know church guys could fuck like that.

I tell you, they got the biggest dicks. Oh, my God. Oh, oh. I can repent just looking at a black guy with a big dick that goes to church. Oh, please take me. Take me. And I want to fuck him on a Casper fucking mattress.

Wow. That's my baby girl. Afro motherfucking nightie. I love seeing you every morning on the talk. You're great. The talk too much. I love it.

And I also love seeing you on PBS sometimes after that artist that draws the happy trees draws your hair for every tree. I love hearing you in any movie theater across America. Jeff Ross.

What is that? What's the new movie Tiffany's in? Girl Trip. Give it up for Tiffany. Her hat is blowing the fuck up. She's blowing up. A person that's been a guest on Kill Tony numerous times. That movie made $30 million this weekend.

It's a big fucking movie. In true, true Compton fashion, Tiffany steals the show in that movie. In true, true Compton fashion, Tiffany steals the show. It's called The Black Hangover. That's what they're calling it. Is that true? Are you in it?

The guy took Molly and, no, there's a joke there. There's a joke there. Okay, where'd you go to grow up? Oh, my God. There's a joke there. Okay, okay, there's a joke there. Trust me, but what do I know? I only play this room twice a week.

Where'd you grow up? I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri. Heard of it? Home of the Arch? Fuck yeah. Show me state. You got it. Missouri.

I like to show my ass. I don't want you to show anything else. Aphrodite, you are dressed so fucking adorable tonight. You're wearing this little cute little, what would you even call that? I'm taking ballet classes for big asses. Is that a lampshade that you're wearing around your waist right now? It's a tutu. Nope.

It's a tutu? I got my boo-boo in the tutu. Your butt's so big it looks like you took a number tutu back there. You have so much junk in your fucking trunk. I got it at the Goodwill. Hey. I'd like to stick you on my dashboard. You won't be able to see shit when you're driving.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. My ass will take up the entire window That's okay I got a Toyota Avalon Oh I don't know what the fuck that is It's four doors

It's uh I got it I got it from My mother I drive her car Oh shit Aphrodite got it from her mother too Yeah

Yeah God damn Oh Holy That's my boy. Yes, that's true. Holy, that's my boy, Patty Reagan. Holy shit. The titties are all my mom. And the ass is my grandmother green. Hey, rest in peace, granny.

Whose jacket does that belong to? Is this true that you really, yeah, yeah. Where'd you get the jacket from? Fucking terrifying. My landlord gave me the jacket. Oh, really? Yeah. Was it part of, you came with the apartment?

No, no. It was originally the curtains and then you made it into a jacket? No, somebody gave her some clothes and I saw this and she told me I could take whatever I wanted off the rack. Aphrodite, is it true that you had sex with a guy at a church or from a church? Oh, man. I used to kiss a guy at church.

He played the organ and he would finish playing and stuff and he would beat me on the dark side of the church. at church He played the organ And he would finish playing and stuff And he would beat me on the dark side of the church And then he played your organ Oh yes But we didn't fuck until we got older Oh she played his organ You played his organ

No we would just kiss and feel on each other We didn't have sex until we got older Until we got a little older And then I found out he could eat pussy Did he That's exactly what Allie was talking about earlier I got a little older. And then I found out he could eat pussy. That's exactly what Allie was talking about earlier. Yeah, he is. I bet he made some pipes. Church boys will fuck the shit out of you.

I'm not kidding. Could they stick their penis in their hair? No, no. It's got to feel interesting. Black guys don't do shit like that. Would you let Brody, if you guys were hanging out, would you let him put his penis in your hair? Oh, no, he ain't my type.

It's three inches and crooked. I went to church in 1982. You got to be black and have a big dick. I'm sorry. That's racist. It is. It is. There you go.

Now, when you have sex with a black guy, this was all when you were a kid. Oh, man, I knew my church guy. When's the last time you hooked sex with a black guy, this was all when you were a kid. No, man. I feel like church guys. When's the last time you hooked up with a church guy? It's been a few months. I'm working on getting him back over my house because he's really good at it. TJ Jakes?

No, no. You know who that is, though? Yeah. Nobody laughed, but you got it. He black, but he ain't my type. But you know what I was saying, right? Yes. They didn't laugh.

Who was the first preacher who was the first preacher you fucked? MLK? That was church guy. Church guy. It wasn't a preacher, but a church guy. You know what I'm saying? Oh, just the guy with pipe. He could lay pipe. Yeah, if they believe in the Lord, they can fuck, okay? You know what I'm saying? An Argon.

Did he do like an exorcism or something? Oh, no, no. They just, you know, they got to let it out every now and then. See, you can't be going through life without fucking unless you fucked up. You know what I'm saying? I think that's a direct quote from Sister Act 2. That's why I'm not worried about going to heaven, because I like fucking and smoking weed.

They don't do that in heaven. They don't? No. What do they do in heaven? They pretend and shit. They pretend what? They pretend they don't want that in heaven. They don't? No. What do they do in heaven? They pretend and shit. They pretend what? They pretend they don't want to fuck. What?

I don't think that that's... Yeah, you confused me. You know what that sound means. You confused Tony. So, Aberdeidy, what do you mean you can't fucking smoke pot in heaven? Explain that to me. What do they tell you on earth that you can't fucking smoke pot in heaven? Explain that to me.

Well, they tell you on earth that you can't do a damn thing and wait for white Jesus to come back, so who the fuck wants to go to heaven? This is so confusing. Where's earth? I think heaven is just fucking and smoking pot. I think... No.

Yeah. Who's with me, audience? It's exactly what it is. And fucking, right? Fucking is heaven. It's with me, audience? It's exactly what it is. And fucking, right? Fucking is heaven. It's also very fictional. I haven't had sex since Denver. Just rusty right now.

Have you been singing lately anywhere, Aphrodite? Yes. I sang this weekend with a group called the Agro-Lights. The Agro-Lights. Agro-Lights. Shout out. Wow. They're a fucking soul.

I like that band. Fucking soul band. I've sat in with them before. They played in the Hermersa Beach at this place called the St. Rose or something. Hermersa Beach? Yeah. Yeah. There's a fan of the Aggro Lights out there?

Yeah. It's Joel. Joel Berg. I guess it makes sense the Aggro Lights have a- Oh, man. They wicked, man. Hermersa Beach? You take Sepulveda?

Are you guys having three different conversations at once? I'm just checking on what you guys are doing over here while there's a live show happening. What are you guys talking about? I just said, could she sing a little bit? Could we hear her sing? You want her to? Yeah, just a little bit. Do you guys want to hear her sing a little bit?

Can I get a beat, Joe? Can you give me something funky on that? Come on, Afro. Experience it for Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. Are you ready for some loving? Hey, hey, hey. Are you ready for what I can give you right now? Kill Tony.

When I step into the bedroom, I'm going to let you rub on me. Kill Tony. And see how it feels to finally be free, baby. Ow! Kill Tony. Ow! Kill Tony. Everything I ever wanted, baby.

You're the one for me. Kill Tony. Yeah. Yeah. I should have done an upskirt video. Wee Man, baby! That was incredible. That's my little bitty boyfriend back there, Wee Man.

A lot of you podcast listeners can't see this, but all the old neon signs just exploded when she hit that last note in the main room of the Comedy Store. Aphrodite, I noticed when you were singing, I think we all did at once, that that little skirt you're wearing is a little bit see-through, isn't it?

You can actually see my ass. Oh my God, I see your butthole. That's the whole reason I wore it. Aphrodite, you are something else. You're a little wild machine. A guy ever get stuck in there ever? Anybody ever been hitting it from behind and all of a sudden you guys just have to fucking...

If he's really good like my sweetie that I'm seeing in the church, man, he can get stuck all he wants. God damn. And you said he... You said he literally sucks on your... Sucks on your... He sucks like inhale... Sucks with his mouth on your... You on your, like, he sucks, like, inhale, like, sucks with his mouth on your.

On my ass? You never suck on a pussy? He sucks everything. He sucks on your asshole, too? Yes, I love it all. Whatever he wants. Well, Aphrodite, you're going to love this. We have a special treat.

Give it up for the church man. Here we go. Bring it on down. Hey, yeah. No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. Bring it down now. Hey, yeah. No, I'm serious. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. You know when you're having good sex and you keep saying God.

If you ain't saying God, you ain't fucking. I'm just going to tell you. Preach. If they don't go down on you, you're not fucking them? No, I said in the process of getting the good fuck, sucking, all that, if you ain't saying God like 500 fucking times, you ain't fucking. You need to say God a bunch. You ain't coming if you ain't saying God.

What the fuck are you doing? If you're not saying God. It shocks me how religious you are. If they're not saying God 100 times, you're not allowing them to come? No. If you're not saying God because hundred times, you're not allowing them to come? No. If you're not saying God because it's good. Seeing God? Seeing God.

Everything. Seeing? Everything. Saying. Saying. Seeing God. Saying God. You should be having a lot of God shit coming out of your mouth.

I don't ever think about him for a second. And I come like three, four times a day. Well, you haven't had your ultimate calm then. You got to get with somebody to bring your ultimate calm out of you. You're saying there's still some left in there? It's a whole lot, baby. It might even kill Tony. Wow.

Make some noise for the great Aphrodite, everybody. She's on Twitter at AphroditeLove. A-F-R-O-D-Y-E-T-E-L-O-V-E. Tierney Michon is T-I-E-R-N-E-Y-M-I-C-H-O-N. Ian Amayo, Hawaiian Garbage is Brianna Upton. Arthur Hamilton is Comedian Arthur. Serafina Rodriguez is Fina Mofo. Hey, look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebeld.

Me at the top, little Brody Stevens, Brian Redband. Wow, Pat, Joel, the bass player, and Glickman. Holy shit. While you all sat there doing nothing, he was able to draw everybody on this stage, and shit, they were doing well. That was all happening. How about some noise for Ryan J. Ebel? You're going to be able

to see that after the show on the front patio where we're all going to be hanging out, giving some high fives before I have to leave in a bit to head to the airport to go to Montreal. And then Dallas, Texas this weekend at Hyena's in Fort Worth all weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, five shows

there. And then I'm back. And by the way, I'm not missing any Keltonis the entire month of August. I'm flying back. Make sure all those comedians know, too, that we're not missing a single episode here because I'm flying back from the East Coast every week to do this show. And then I fly back out again on Tuesdays because I love this show and I love you guys. What do you guys want to plug? Pat Reagan absolutely fucking slaughtered

tonight. He has a new album out called Bad Chat. It's on iTunes. Watch that video with me and Jeremiah. Watch the video with him and Jeremiah. It's called You're Not Gonna Like This. Right? The bass player, what's up? Chris Dillon. Chris Dillon. Follow me on Instagram, Chroma Chris. Follow him on Instagram, it's something Chris. Joelberg

is on everything on social media, mostly. Sorry. He's Joelberg. Can you guys give him a good Joelberg chant one time. Joel Berg. A little bit lighter on the guitar. We're trying to get it down a little bit. Glickman. You can, I'm on Twitter, at Stephen Glickman, S-T-P-H-E-N, Glickman. Check out my podcast, The Nighttime Show. And our nighttime show live is at the Improv on August 26th.

And you can watch me in Storks, currently playing on HBO. Saturday, August 26th, your show's happening? Saturday, August 26th. Wow, so not only am I going up against Chappelle, my night in New York City at the Gramercy Theater, not only am I going up against Mayweather McGregor, but you're telling me you're doing your show?

I'm doing my show at the improv here in Los Angeles. The great Steven Brody Stevens. One of my first mentors. One of my first friends in comedy. One of the first real comedians that was doing movies when I was sitting on a stool working here for minimum wage that took me under his wing. And we've grown together for years since. Thank you, Toby. Make some noise for Brody, everybody.

Brody! You got it. I have email, website, brodystephens.com. I'll be at Bumper Shoot at the end of the year of the summer, and then I'm here most weekends. Thank you very much. Go get yourself a Casper mattress as soon as possible. Remember, $50 towards any mattress by visiting Casper.com slash Kill Tony

and using the promo code Kill Tony. Save yourself $50. You already just listened to this podcast for free, and we're giving you $50 of mattress money. And it's a great mattress, guys. Terms and conditions apply. Yes. Hey, I'll be in Toronto this weekend at the No Refunds Comedy Festival

with Dean Del Rey and Sam Tripoli. Go check it out. ShopSquad.tv. Oh, yeah. And the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour is all at TonyHinchcliffe.com, and everything else. Everything's there. Josh Martin, Allie Makovsky, Ryan J. Live audience, thank you so much.

We'll see you guys soon. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Thank you.