KILL TONY - KILL TONY #224

Episode Date: August 4, 2017

Benji Aflalo, Jak Knight, Ali Macofsky, Pat Regan, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 07/31/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Go to deathsqu squad.tv for everything kill tony not only do you have all the past episodes you have video portions of the show but you could also go and click on tour dates and you can see kill tony live we do kill tony every monday at the world famous comedy store but we're also going on the road all the time so go to death squad.tv and click on tour dates tony hinchcliffe is about to go on the road. He's on the road right now, actually with Jeremiah Watkins. They're doing this monster energy tour thing. If you

go to Tony Hinchcliffe.com, you can see all the dates. Like he's about to go to Minneapolis, Nashville, Huntsville, Louisville, Indianapolis, Cleveland He's going to all this crazy shit So go to TonyHinchcliffe.com To find out where he's going to be in town next Close to you I mean he's going to like 100 dates So go to TonyHinchcliffe.com If you go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates

You will also see that me and Kate Quigley Are about to go on the road We're going to Edmonton, Canada you will also see that me and Kate Quigley are about to go on the road. We're going to Edmonton, Canada, and we're going to Minnesota, the Mall of America. We're doing both of those in August. If you go to deathsquad.tv and click on tour dates, you can see where we're at. We also have a show every first and third Friday at the Ice House in Pasadena. We also have a show once or twice a month at the Comedy Store.

All these dates can be found at DeathSquad.tv. Also, check out RyanJEBelt.com. He's the house artist. He did the Death Squad poster. He also does every show. He draws the show. He sells prints of all the shows. You can find him at ryanjebelt.com

And last but not least, shopsquad.tv. I have the Kill Tony shirt. Have you not seen the Kill Tony shirt? There's not many left in stock. So if you want the first Kill Tony shirt, go to shopsquad.tv and click on Kill Tony. Or you have Death Squad

fidget spinners. You have Death Squad, the new Death Squad shirt. Just go to shopsquad.tv for everything. Alright guys, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the road-famous Comedy Store Main Room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe.

Hi, everybody. Hello. Welcome. Make some fucking noise. You, flower shirt, make noise with your hands. There you go, like a fucking grown-up. Comedians, how are you? Welcome to Kill Tony. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, ladies and gentlemen. You guys ready for a crazy fucking night or what? Fuck yeah.

This is my last show here before I go on the biggest tour of my life, everybody. It's Jeremiah Watkins featuring for me. This Wednesday, I go to St. Louis. And then Madison, Wisconsin. Ferndale, Michigan. Minneapolis. Nashville. Huntsville. Louisville. Indianapolis.

Cleveland. Columbia. Decatur, which is Atlanta. Charlotte. Asbury Park. Oakmont, PA, which is really Pittsburgh. Baltimore. New York City.

The night of the Mayweather-McGregor fight. I give the Grammar Seat Theater to Phil. Fill up the Grammar Seat. 2,000 seats in New York City. Have fun with that, Tony. We'll get behind you. We'll promote it. I give the Grammar Seat Theater to Phil. Fill up the Grammar Seat. 2,000 seats in New York City. Have fun with that, Tony. We'll get behind you. We'll promote it.

Cambridge, Massachusetts, San Francisco, Portland, Los Angeles, Tacoma, Denver. And then I do a bunch of other fun stuff. But that's all part of the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour, which I'm doing for the next month and a half. I'm really excited about it. That's awesome. Now I had to say the cities specifically, which I wish I'd been doing this entire time because it helps really promote the show. A lot of people aren't on Twitter and

Instagram, and sometimes they just listen to the podcast. When I went to Alaska, no one used Twitter at all. No one. Exactly. And I'm like, how did you find out about this show? They're like, I just listened to Kill Tony. Ham radio. So for those of you that didn't want to look at the website, and you've heard me talking about this Monster Energy drink tour, now you know exactly where I'm going, I just listened to Killtone. Ham radio. So for those of you that didn't want to look at the website and you've heard me talking about this Monster Energy drink tour, now

you know exactly where I'm going, which it's going to be very close to you. You know what happened this week, which was fucking awesome? The Verzi triplets this past week were on the Gong Show with Mike Myers on, I believe it's ABC. That's fucking crazy. It's not Mike Myers' web, by the way.

What was that? That's the whole thing. It's not supposed to be Mike Myers the way. What was that? That's the whole thing. It's not supposed to be Mike Myers. Have you seen it yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's in disguise. He's like halfway to Fat Bastard or something like that. Yeah, it's weird. But also there was America's Got Talent.

Yeah, Preacher Lawson. Preacher Lawson. Killing it on that. My point is, is this show is by far on the forefront of finding always the, you know, new and sometimes most compelling characters in the comedy business. And I don't think we really talk about that enough. And I just want to say that I'm proud of those guys and I'm very excited about it. And, you know, if you're looking for talent and if you're hiring, do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? With ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to 100 plus job sites with just one click. Then, their powerful technology efficiently matches the right people to your job

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That's ZipRecruiter.com slash KillTony. One more time to try it for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash killtony One more time to try it for free Go to ziprecruiter.com slash killtony Are you guys ready to start the show? Ryan J. Ebelt is here Ryan J. Ebelt is here drawing tonight's episode

Check out that Kill Tony poster right there He drew that He draws a fresh print of every single show All of those pieces of amazing art. And I'm telling you, he's been on fire lately. If you've ever enjoyed a drawing of anything, he's the fucking man. RyanJEBelt.com for everything.

Josh Martin is here running around. You know him, that wacky character. Tonight is the first ever time. There's a lot of people watching this fucking little tube right here. We are the first ever podcast to go in VR 360. That's right. And you are here for that.

Virtual reality. Some people are looking at you right now for some reason. Alexa. Alexa. Never mind. Anyway, I'm excited about tonight's show. I'm really pumped. Every single week I have two of my funniest comedian friends in the world on this show.

This week, as usual, no different. Put your hands together for the great Jack Knight and Benji Aflalo. Jack Knight, in September, his brand new show Big Mouth will be streaming on Netflix. In January, on Freeform, Benji's brand new show that he created and stars in Alone Together comes out. You're looking at, literally, I say this about myself a lot, but you are literally looking at two of the top young rising comedians in the world right now. Three of them. And Brian Redband. Jack Knight and Benji Flaherty. What's up, dudes?

Welcome. Jack, this is your first time on the show. Yeah, I've been watching and hearing about this show since I started comedy, and I used to be really scared because Tony used to come in the patio, and he'd be like, yo, come do my show. If you suck, I'm going to tell you. And I was like, I suck, so I'm not going to go. You didn't. I've never seen you in here. I never came here,

and now I'm here judging. This is your first time as a guest and your first time as an audience member, so welcome to the show. I'm excited. Benji, one of the most ruthless minds I know, one of the great creators. I'm telling you right now, you're looking at the next Larry David. It's fucking Benji. We wrote

The Burn together on Comedy Central. He segued that straight into a full-time Comedy Central roast writer's position, which is a very hard job to get. And then you helped out Andy Samberg, and now he's the EP of your brand new show. You wrote for Andy Samberg,

I remember, during the roast of Justin Bieber. Everybody helps out. Oh, Mr. Humble. That's going to play well on this show. All right. Well, should we hit the gasoline and meet my favorite part of this show, the Kill Tony Band? How many of you guys in the audience have ever heard of this show before

or seen it before at all? By making noise, not by raising your fucking hands. Alright. I'll allow it. I hope you guys get a little bit more energy as it goes because this band is not going to deal with your quiet bullshit. You guys better get some tequila in you right now.

You guys have drinks? No? Tony, I'm wearing the new Kill Tony shirt right now. Oh oh there's a new kill tony shirt look at that just when we couldn't plug anything fucking else in the world we have a brand new we finally after four years of being a show uh came out with a t-shirt this week finally started getting delivered i love it i love mine anyway let's do this shit every single week they commit to a brand new set of characters. It's one of the greatest things happening in all of the improvisational world.

Put your hands together for the Kill Tony Band. It's Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, and Joel Berg. Joel Jimenez. You got to make more noise than that, people. I'm fucking warning you. Your drinks are coming, I promise. Oh, back to the future. Oh, shit.

Wow. It's that Rick and Morty guy. We are going back to the future today. This is incredible. Okay, there they are. Jeremiah Watkins, Pat Reagan, and Joel Jimenez. Guys, come on. You can keep clapping. I know.

I know. Great Scott Tony. Wow. Doc. That's great. Doc. Fully committed. Where are you coming from? Where did you come from here today? The future.

Who's the guy next to you? Oh, hi. Oh, hi. I'm Crispin Glover. Oh, hi, Biff. Hey, Biff. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I met Mrs. McFly? What's up, boy? Oh, that's Piff.

All right. And that's Michael J. Michael J. Chupacabra or something like that. Martine McFly. Martine. Joelberg. So you guys know how the show works. All the pieces are in

place. I have Ichabod's Demonic Bucket of Destiny right here. I have Ichabod's demonic bucket of destiny right here. We have over a ton of comedians' names. Guys, there's comedians over there. There's 12 empty seats over here. If you guys want to move over here, it would be more efficient for the show. I'm going to pull names out of the bucket, and then they're going to walk on stage, and that's how the show works. They do 60 seconds of stage time. Comedians know their 60 seconds is up when they hear the sound of a kitty. That means wrap it up then,

or else they're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And you don't want that to happen. You guys ready to start the show? I am. Ladies and gentlemen, our audience, are you guys ready to start the show? I am. Ladies and gentlemen, our audience, are you guys ready to start the show? I'm excited. 60 seconds uninterrupted goes to Cal Hamilton. What's up, Comedy Store?

Yeah! I'm having a good time out here. I'm having a good time out here. I'm having a good time. I just became a father, so I'm chilling. Thank you. The little nigga turn 10 next month, right? I'm a second half daddy right now. He came into my life at the same time.

We're bonding. I love my son. I love my son. I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio. Yeah, who love my son. I love my son. I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio Yeah, whoo Okay Every time I fly I think it's just black people We just like get scared of flying when we on a fucking plane. We can't do shit about it

Like I started thinking about the dumb shit about aircraft You know what I mean? Like you guys do all to get naked to get on a plane, you know But I started thinking about the little rules like a seatbelt Can anybody tell me what, like a seatbelt. Can anybody tell me what the fuck a seatbelt's on an airplane for? No? I don't know either.

Like, have you ever watched CNN and saw a plane crash and somebody walk out and be like, yo, this fucking seatbelt, my dog? This shit work. That shit don't happen. Yeah, that shit, this don't happen. Well, that is it. There he is, Cal Hamilton. Coming in.

Where are you going, Cal? Get back behind that microphone. You're not getting off that easy. I never did the show, Tony. Thank you. Thank you for having me, Tony. You're welcome. You got pulled out of a bucket.

It's not like I picked it. Well, that's true. It's one of the only shows where I really have no control over who comes up here. You're right. You're right. You're right. How many times have you been on an airplane? Quite a few, you know.

I'm still. Ballpark? About 50, 60. 50, 60 times. None of those times you've ever. You really don't know why there's a seatbelt? Because it went a little quiet here at that part because everybody knows why there's a seatbelt on the airport. Yeah, but you never saw nobody walk out from,

you know, like at 20,000 feet if something happened. But we just did, you know? That's not necessarily true. The seatbelts identify you. I think there's things that can happen in which the seatbelt can help you that isn't just immediately dying. Turbulence.

Turbulence. Have you heard of turbulence? 50, 60 times you've never felt a little shake? Where are you flying to? San Diego? San Francisco. Two hours. You sound like open mic riding a plane.

I love your style. Thank you, man. Do you ever just use the TV tray as some type of banister to hold you in like a roller coaster? No, that's like my sleeping headrest. Like school, you know. Right. That's it.

You ever seen Back to the Future? Yeah, I've seen it. You saw the BET version, Black to the Future. That's so true. It's about a guy that goes back in time in an El Camino. A Chevy Caprice would be better. Cal, how long have you been doing stand-up? Eight years.

Started in Cincinnati, Ohio. Been out in L.A. two years. You know what that sound means. It's the Ohio State Marching Band. The best damn band in the land is their nickname, but I saved that for a Phil Tony band. So, Cincinnati, how long did you do it in Cincy? Six years. It's a horrible place, right? Horrible. No, it's. So, Cincinnati, how long did you do it in Cincy? Six years. It's a horrible place, right?

Horrible. No, it's my hometown, so, you know. You're from Ohio, though. Yeah, I know, and I agree that it's a horrible place, which makes for, you know, a strong personality. That's it. What did you do in Cincinnati for work? You know, sold little nickel bags here and there.

Nickel bags? Little nickel bags. All right. Nickel bags? Little nickel bags. All right. What do you do for work now? Still sell little nickel bags. Nobody laughs harder at you than you do, Cal. You know. Who buys a nickel bag?

It's 2017. They don't even have it. My nickel bag customers. Wow. How many nickel bags do you sell on average per day? About three, so $15. You know, I'm moving up. It started at one.

Really? Are you being serious? It started at one. Are you making jokes? Are you being serious? Is that how you make your living? Selling pot at $5 a pop? You know.

No, I don't know, Cal. I've never really had a serious conversation with you before. That's the black people who are like, we'll talk later. Jack, is this true? Not at all. How many nickel bags did you sell today, Jack? 15 before I came on stage. Yeah, Jack.

Cal, I wish you were the laugh track at all of these shows. I would, man. You have quite the cackle. I wish he talked more about his kids. You have kids? I got a son, man. He said at the beginning of the set. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I got a son. He just turned 13 July 5th, so whoo-hoo. Oh, wow. Cal, do you ever sell any pumpernickel bags? What'd you say? Do you ever sell any pumpernickel bags? Find them at Whole Foods. I can get my hands on that.

That's the word of the day. Pumpernickel, everybody. Look for it to make a return at some point later on in the show. I like pumpernickel. Do you know where your father's at? We must find your father. Yeah, I do. You know.

Yeah, I know where he's at. You know. He's on TNT. He's at Charles Barkley's, my father. I know where he's at, you know. He's on TNT. He said Charles Barkley's my father. Your son live with you? That's funny. I wish I would have thought of that. Does your son live with you?

No, he lives in Cincinnati, so I fly back and forth. You fly back and forth a lot without a seatbelt on, like a great father does. Dog life, baby, you know. You thought he could support a seatbelt on, like a great father does. Dog life, baby. You thought you could support a son with three nickel bags a day? Rearage. Benji, what are your thoughts about Cal? What do you think when you see a specimen like this, Benji?

Yeah, you brought up some information you didn't explore because at first you were like, it's tough being black and flying on planes. And I'm like, all right, where's he going with this? And then you didn't bring up race again. It was just something you said. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was almost like if the seatbelt only held you back if you were white.

That's what I was thinking. I learned something new. Oh, it was? I was waiting for that to... I didn't know the time, you know. I understand. I like that. Is there a finish to it? I don't know. I mean... Because I'm not black. I don't know what it's like to be black on an airplane.

And if it's different, I'd like to know. It's a little different. It's a little different. Jack, thoughts about this? You're a black guy. You were just in Montreal. It can't be different. Is it different? Is it different? It can't be. I'm going to say it's different because there's a lot of white faces looking at me. There we go, Jack. But it looking at me. There we go.

But it's not different. There we go, Zach. Yeah, it's different. There we go, Zach. I feel like in the sky we're all the same. We're all the same. There it is. There it is.

I love it when you're trying to... Alright. Well, Cal, it was nice to meet you. You've been doing stand-up how long now? Eight years now. Have you thought about TSA pre-check at all?

Pre-check? Don't that cost extra? It's so worth it. How often do you fly back? You obviously don't visit your son a lot. He's like, nah, it's not a problem. You know. I go like every other year.

Every other year. What's your favorite airline? Frontier. Spirit. I get like two for 40 or something. Frontier? No, Frontier's Delta used to be. American.

I like American. I wish I was on United. I want to be the guy that gets drugged out. You know what I mean? No. I don't know. I want to be the guy that gets drugged out. You know what I mean? No. I don't know. I want to be that guy. I want to be in that situation where it's like,

you get $60 million and I walk in here with a $60 million chain. Oh, I made it. That's what a $60 million chain is. Hashtag squad goals. You know, we've all flown United. That's not how United works. Oh, wow. I don't believe you've flown on a plane I just don't believe it

I just really don't And I'm trying to be on his side On some nigga shit I'm like yeah he flew a bunch of planes But he's just like Sometimes on planes you get pop tarts It's like they don't That's not what happens

I'm gonna ride with you Must be nice flying United Riding all those horses in the plane That's not what happens. I'm going to ride with you. Must be nice flying United riding all those horses in the plane. I love that equestrian United life. You ever been on the aquarium on a plane? Like, what are you talking about? He thinks United is lavish. Cal, go figure it out.

Go figure out what makes flying black different, if that's the joke you want to make. They make you sit in the back of the plane. Oh, Joel Berg. He's a Mexican. He can make those jokes. There it is. There he goes. Cal Hamilton, everybody. You met him here on Kill Tony. He's on Twitter at KHamilton.

KHamilton. A-L? What is that? KHamilton underscore one. Wow. His screen name is also his password, everybody. Unbelievable. Make it a little more confusing.

Uh-oh. Joel, are you ready for this? With an accent mark over the eye, put your hands together for Michael Pena. The actor? Oh, we got a runner. Oh, my God. Hello, everybody.

I didn't expect to get called, but I did. So, I have a joke here for you. And I want to play a game called Boom! Mind Blowing. Basically, it goes like this. The technology we hold in our hand, that which was to make us smarter, has to make us dumber. Mind blowing. Mind blowing. Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. The lesbian who has the dildo in her hand

truly has it bigger than God ever meant it to be. Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. I'm almost out of time, but it's still mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. The doctor who said who was not. Mind-blowing.

That definitely blew all right. Yeah, yeah. Michael Pena. Wow. Sorry. I thought for sure maybe a magic trick was coming or some type of overall lesson or perhaps a pamphlet you were going to give out about something.

A comedy school. Tony, I need to get to my DeLorean immediately to make sure I go back in time to prevent this set from ever happening. That's why he's Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. A true doctor of comedy. Tony, I gotta be clear. You said, are you ready,

because it was a Latino last name, not because I know this guy. I do not know this guy. No. Well, it is Latino. Michael, have you ever done stand-up before? Nope. This was your first time.

Congratulations. There you go. He still hasn't done it. You're so damn good. We are going to make you retire right now. Okay, thank you. On top of it all. You know, it's clothes strong, clothes undefeated,

pool of Mayweather, you know. Okay, that's fair. 1-0, yes. There's the boxing music I was hoping for. Michael, what do you do for work? I'm a software engineer. A software engineer. What kind of software?

The kind you write. The kind that you write? Yes. Mind-blowing software. Sometimes it is. Oh, I write software for the internet. Like what? Well, it's a streaming platform.

Like what? My free cams? No, it's actually a new streaming platform that we're launching real soon. Can you describe it a little bit? Sure. It allows creatives to create their own content and upload it, so that way they can make the most money from Google. Like YouTube?

Actually, no, because YouTube is actually sponsoring it. YouTube is sponsoring your platform. Have you ever wanted to have 360 kill Tony on that platform? Well, if you wanted to come on board, we're launching next month. Oh, well, there you go. It's real. It's real.

It's called Columnspace. Columnspace? Columnspace.com. Sounds like a successful company. Well, not yet. Did you create it yourself? Yeah, we wrote it, me and another developer

out of Arizona. What made you want to do stand-up comedy here tonight? I thought it'd just be kind of fun to get and have a chat. Is this something that you've thought about for a while, or did you decide this today? No, I decided that, you know, I just

decided I wanted to try it. When? I need to know when. I want to know what just happened. Michael, just you don't need to try to be funny. This is a part of the show where I try to get maybe a compelling interview out of the guests. What drew this out of you? Answer honestly. Well, I used to work in

corporate America and talking to a lot of corporate types it was kind of fun because I used to look at them as being little kids. I used to coach for 20 years. So it was just kind of fun to talk to them as adults but never let them know that they were talking to me as adults. What did you coach? Gymnastics. Okay.

You got mad weekend dad energy. Like, I don't know. You remind me of this teacher I once had whose family left him, and he came in, and he just kept trying to be funny to get over the fact that some tragic shit just happened. And then your voice cracks. I was like, this nigga about to cry, and I don't want to deal with a grown man crying

because my life is going good, and I don't want my shit reflected on your shit you ever been married Michael no no no no no wow you said no eight times to that uh in less than a second no no no no no no no no no like what exactly has happened to you Michael I'm gay so I can't oh perfect so you haven't been gay married either no not either yeah you currently in a relationship You haven't been gay married either? No, not either. Are you currently in a relationship? I haven't had a date in five years. Somebody's going to want to fuck that tight asshole tonight. See, in the gay world, I bet that's a cool thing.

I haven't fucked in five years. People are like, such a tight butthole, man. I'm going to go pop that guy's fucking five-year cherry. You can't pop a cherry in the gay world. What do they call that? Pop a chocolate sundae or something like that? Well, they're called manginas, first of all.

Wow. Good lord. Open up a Tootsie Roll. Oy vey, smear. Question. Why don't you, if you want to attract gay men, why don't why don't you if you want to attract gay men why don't you dress better oh because i don't really want to attract gay men you want to what do you what are you trying to try just having fun he wants to turn a straight guy into a gay man yeah we gotta get you in some

gay clothes we gotta get you in like tight varvatos we dad bod you up and there's there's a there's a market for your gayness. Oh, wait. What's the sound coming out of your butt, Michael? Oh, God. Live audio. Is that a gerbil? Jesus.

Michael, I have a serious question. It sounds like you're semi-successful as a businessman. So then how come your stand-up was so balls-fucking-crazy? Well, I had some good jokes in my head. I just got on the stage and just kind of forgot them. Wait, wait, wait. Can you tell one of the ones you had that you didn't get to say? I blanked out my first time on stage, too.

Yeah. Have you thought about not writing your jokes in binary code? It's only one digit at a time. Hey, what's going on? Thanks, Brian. So, Michael, tell me something else. What are you going to do this again? Did you say you forgot some of the things you wanted to talk about?

Oh, I had a lot of things I was going to say, but that's okay. It's fun. Now, don't worry, Michael. I want to know one of the other things that you were going to say. Oh, one of the other jokes I was going to say? Yeah. You have a little list there? I have a list.

On a business card? Yep. Shit's getting serious. In other words, everything on his list is just synonyms for mind-blowing. What was that? Heads blitting. Please don't tell that next joke or I'll fade out of existence. Go ahead, Michael.

That's okay. I'll pass on that. Okay. Thank you. Cool. I mean, really? Did you really have something written down? Yeah, I had a bunch of them.

I want to hear one. Come on. You want to hear one. Come on. You want to hear one? Don't be shy, Michael. It can't, listen, they want you. They want to see what you're, this is your first time. I'd like, ten years and fucking three months ago in that room next door, I signed up for my first open mic. I prepped for months for three minutes.

I'm not, this is not a fake story. There's witnesses to this. I prepped for months for three fucking minutes This is not a fake story. There's witnesses to this. I prepped for months for three fucking minutes. Signed up for the open mic, got lucky enough to be number 14 out of 15 that night. He said my name and I blanked out completely. And look, now I'm one of the top Young Rising comedians in the world.

Oh. My point is, is there's nothing wrong with you being nervous and blanking out and everything. These people all want you to do good, so read another joke. It doesn't even have to be a good one. There's no pressure. Well, I'm a Mexican, and I grew up in a Mexican family.

When I came out gay, I tried to kill myself. When I did so, my mom came up to me, and she says, mijo, ¿por qué dice eso? And I said, mom, I don't know. She goes, well, if you're going to do it next time, don't drink my menopause pills. First of all, there you go.

See? That felt good, right? That laugh? Is that true? Did you really try to kill yourself at some point? Yeah, 35 years ago. 35 years ago. That was hard for you to come out to your family?

To the world, everybody. Yeah. I was an athlete. I was a coach. It was a different time back then. You were a gymnastics coach. And that's how you told them that you were gay. Ironically, there's not very many gay gymnasts

that are men. There's not? No, there's not. The ones on the rings? No, they're definitely not gay. They're not gay? Oh, no. Really? I've never seen them jump off and fuck a chick right out of one of those things. Yeah, they do. Alright, Michael. We're going to let you go. There he goes, Michael Pena.

Off the hook. His first time ever on stage, people. Come on! Come on! If you guys need to chug your drinks a little bit to get a little more energy, whatever it takes right now. You guys are a little bit chill. Josh?

Martin? Josh Martin, are you in the room? Should I do an intro right now? Ladies and gentlemen, joining the guest panel, put your hands together for Ron White! Woo! That's a standing ovation! If you're watching on 360, check that out. You can turn around in VR and see a standing ovation for the great Ron White.

Coming in fully loaded for you podcast listeners, a bottle of his company, number one tequila, which, I'm not kidding, is the fucking best tequila I've ever had in my life. And he's coming in with seven empty giant rocks glasses. Are you guys ready to get this fucking party started? Level two, upgrade. Kill Tony 224. We're alive in virtual reality right now, Ron, for this podcast. Yeah, that tube right there makes it so that people can, with a helmet on or just their phone, they can see you and they can see the audience.

You're making my ears hot. I'm excited. I'm going to pull another name out of the bucket while you pour us all some drinks. That sound cool? We'll watch a guy do 60 seconds uninterrupted. You guys ready to continue the show with the great Ron White? Speedweed. Oh yeah, LA Speedweed.

Hooking it up today as well. Alright, Joel, I think you're going to like this. Put your hands together for Amy Gonzalez. Yeah, from right there. So far, I like it. Hello, everyone. My name is Amy. My real name is Amy Peterson Gonzalez.

I wonder why I'm talking like this. My dad is white from Minnesota, and my mom is from Venezuela. She's Latina. I call that cafe con leche. Well, my generation will be tres leche. So all the time people ask me, like, where are you from? No, like, okay, where's that accent from?

I say, well, you know, your sound's from Minnesota. No, you sound like, no, with this accent you think I'm sound from Minnesota, and then you think I'm a stupid, you know? So, no, it is. So, even, what's your name? Tim. If you call your girlfriend on the phone last night, if the man answer the, you know, the cell phone, do you think it's your girlfriend?

No? Yeah? So it's like, you know, so I'm not the one with the problem, you know? So it's like you know so i'm not one with the problem you know so it's like accent you know um amy gonzalez i miss it i was on words amy gonzalez yeah i okay i talk like a doctor amy amy, Amy, Amy. That part's over, Amy. Over here.

Amy, Amy. You got to listen up now. Hi, Amy. It's over here now. Amy. Damn. The first joke that you did was so obvious, I didn't see it coming. I did.

I'm like, surely that's not it. I looked for the next angle on this particular piece of comedy. I think you're adorable, and I think you just get a little smoother at it, a little calmer, and then, you know, next thing you know, you'll be an open mic. You will. You will.

That's what you're looking for, right? That's the greatest thing that's ever been said on this show. 224 episodes. Oh, get back, Amy. We're just getting started. This is one of your first times on stage. Am I correct in assuming that? Can you grab the microphone and put it in front of your face?

Thank you. It's one of the clues. First time? Second time. Second time. Where was your first time at? Up in Bali, North Hollywood. Wow, you really are that Latina, huh? I feel like

this whole Minneapolis, Iowa thing is all a story, and like, you walked across the border earlier today. Hello, I've been on stage, but not without a donkey. You walked across the border earlier today. Hello, I am Amy Gontara. I've been on stage, but not without a donkey. Jolbert. Listen to the crowd.

Everybody loves Jolbert. You just got taken out by your own kind, Amy. What do you do for work? I'm in the development of products. The development of products? Yes. I am in the development of products. I do the fittings and patterns for the designer.

What is it? It's when you do assistant of the tailor. When the UFC sets off the tailor? Assistant of the tailoring. You look like you take care of birds. That's my father, Patty Reagan, right there. You're in the development of what kind of products? Clothing.

Clothing. Yes. All right. Is this some of your work that you're wearing? No. Style, where we're going, we don't need style. The donkey, the metal queens, yes. Is this like a fancy way to say you work in a sweatshop?

Yeah. Amy, how long have you wanted to do stand-up comedy? Well, I want to try because I want to make people happy with my accent. But, you know, it is really getting on the stage is a lot of years, but I will work it out. But you don't even let me continue with my sentence. You only do one minute. That's the whole show.

There's a format here. There's a reason. There's a time limit on this kind of a... We need to go back to the border. Let's go to Tijuana then. I can walk the border. I can go to Tijuana then. I can walk the border. I go to Tijuana anytime. Amy, what are some interesting qualities about you

so that maybe we can figure out some stuff that you could talk about that might be, you know, interesting? So, like, what are some things about your life, like, you know, about... Do you have any fun hobbies or anything you like to do? Yes, when I lived in New York for 15 years, you know, I called my lawyer. I said, I want to see the junkies. I said, well, you can see junkies all over in the corner.

I'm going to stop you. I'm positive nobody has any idea what you're saying right now. I can't believe it. The donkeys? No, she was saying that she did donkey shows. The junkies? Junkies. Yeah, junkies in the corner.

No, when I see the junkies, it was the junkies. So when the junkies, my lawyers, they send me the wrong tickets. And they're going to see the junkies at the Met. I'd like to introduce you to Amy Gonzalez's new translator, Joel, Joel Berg-Gimenez, ladies and gentlemen. Hola, bueno. Amy.

Muy contento de estar aquí contigo con todos. I'll be translating for her. Go ahead, Amy. What was the answer? You better speak Spanish, honey. What were you saying about junkies? Donkeys? The donkey, the New York Mets and Queens.

He sent me the wrong tickets, you know? I'm trying to tell you something about my life, you know? But whatever it is, So even in New York... Anyway, so... Even in New York, I worked as a stand-in for even the actress Eva Mendes, and the lady for Jennifer Lopez.

She fired me after two hours. She cannot handle my beauty. You got to work with Yennefer Lopez? Yenny. Yes, I didn't stand for her. Yenny on the block? Yes. Anyways, and also, you know, people tell me I sound like Sofia Vergara.

I don't want to sound like I have a dick in my mouth, you know. Oh, you already definitely sound sound like I have a dick in my mouth, you know? Oh. You already definitely sound like you already have a dick in your mouth, Amy. Nobody has any idea what you're saying. Wow. How long have you been trying to speak English for? That's a really good question if you think about it.

Since I'm born, I guess. Where were you born? Venezuela. You were born in Minnesota. Where were you born? Venezuela. You were born in Minnesota in your accent. No, Venezuela. Your accent is thicker than Aphrodite's ass, my friend. I mean, that is a thick Minnesota accent. Wow.

I'm from the deep south of Venezuela. She's from the deep south of Venezuela. Yes. And when did you come here? When did you come here? When did you come here? 20 years ago. 20 years ago. Oh, so you can speak way better English right now. So this whole Mona Venezuela thing was all bullshit.

No, I just don't want to talk like this. I just want to talk like this. Oh, okay. You choose to. You think talking like that makes it funnier? I'm just asking. I don't know why you think that. Because I will give you a golden note right now. It's only hot

in a massage parlor. Brian, we have sponsors now. Oh. And by the way, if you're a masseuse looking for a job, go on ZipRecruiter. No! No! Cheer for that.

Cheer for that. Now you all owe us $3,000 that we just lost, you fucking idiots. I mean a legit masseuse. Oh, my God. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. He has a lot of accents. Red band!

Woo! Red band! All! Red Band. Ba-na-na-na-na. All right, Amy. Red Band. What'd I do this time? Amy, you don't need to go with a thicker accent. You need to think of, you know.

Lighten it up so people can understand what you're saying. Yes, it's very important. It's perhaps the most important thing is people hearing you and knowing what you're trying to say. Okay. Thank you so much. She had a good opening move. She grabbed a water and drank it. knowing what you're trying to say. Okay. Thank you so much. She had a good opening move. She grabbed a water and drank it. I think you're sassy.

I think you've got great stage presence. I think a little bit of confidence and the next thing you know will be the next thing you know. Yeah. There you go. The Kill Tony debut of Amy Gonzalez. That's a storyline that should be interesting to watch develop.

Gonzalez. That's a storyline that should be interesting to watch develop. There she goes, Amy Gonzalez. Hey, listen, you think this is easy? You come up here with a really shitty plan and see if it works. I've never seen a room become a rally so quickly.

Wow, this is a fun show. You guys having fun out there? Put your hands together for your next comedian. In uninterrupted 60 seconds goes to Brandon Daly. I don't see Brandon moving. I don't see movement. I don't see Brandon moving. I don't see movement. I don't see movement. No movement.

Put your hands together for Florentina Tanase. Thank you. I recently became vegetarian because I've always wanted to be better than other people and it's working. It's amazing. I love it. But now that I'm vegetarian, I'm really tired a lot of being right all the time, okay? I ran here. Fuck you guys. Thank you. I have a mom. When I told her that I wanted to do comedy, she was like, that's a cute hobby.

You'll never make it. Don't make fun of God. I respect my mom. And I told her, I won't make fun of God, mom. I'll just make fun of real things. And then... Thank you.

She had a heart attack and died. Don't laugh at that. She had a heart attack and died. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She doesn't have a heart, guys. Keep up. Okay.

Thank you. I'm Florentina. Thank you. I'm kidding. She doesn't have a heart, guys. Keep up. Okay. Thank you. I'm Florentina. Thank you. With exactly one minute, Florentina Tanase coming in,

laying down exactly how it goes when it all goes right. We just watched a couple first-timers basically back-to-back. How long have you been doing stand-up? That was clearly very well executed. A year and a half. A year and a half. Where at? San Francisco. Did you just move here? No, I'm just visiting. You live in San Fran full-time.

What does that mean? San Francisco. Oh, okay. That's our mascot, yeah. Totally got it. A year and a half in San Fran. What do you do for a living? I'm an x-ray tech.

Wow. I like that. Are you Latino? No. I thought we had some redemption final. Romanian is Latin based I guess Do you work in a lab?

I work in the hospital It's not a lab You got the doc all excited No bones about that That was both a doctor and an x-ray joke And a boner joke It was actually all three Do you x-ray joke. And a boner joke. It was actually all three. Do you x-ray things all the time just for fun because you can?

No. No? How do you think x-rays work? What do you think is inside of stuff? I would look at my dick. I'd put pencils on my dick and see how far I could go in there. I don't have to find... How would you look at your dick?

Would you get one of those things that they use at the dentist's office to put alongside of it and really have to aim your dick? Put your dick into one of those little tubes. I do that all day. You caught me. You have a dick? Yeah, totally. What's the weirdest thing you've seen in someone's body?

Come on, there's no doctor or patient. You guys are weird. I'm just saying. As patients, I've seen a guy try to put a hook in his penis. Is this Michael Pena? I don't know. That was good. People do weird shit

and then they blame their wives. I don't know how that got there. What kind of hook? I don't know. What do you guys use? I don't know. What kind of hook do we use? I don't know.

It looked like a hook and he put it in the tip of his teeth. And then I guess he gets off from that. I don't know. And then he lost the hook inside him? He couldn't. It got stuck. That's what hooks do. So Michael Hudgens was lucky.

He died of beating off an NXS band. Oh, I didn't know that. It was the biggest bass that I caught He was dead Which would be slightly better Than being alive with a hook in your dick In all fairness He could have been a gay pirate It could have been a trouser trout

Hopefully his dick was straight Not crooked Because then he'd have a hook on top of a hook It could have been a trouser trout. Hopefully his dick was straight, not crooked, because then he'd have a hook on top of a hook. Florentina, is that a wedding ring? Yeah. How long have you been married? A year. What does your husband do?

Damn, I was going to invite her to the Enchantment of the Sea Dance. He works in IT. I don't know. It's internet stuff. Does don't know. Internet stuff. Does that turn you on? No. That's not why I married him. Wait, are you sure this isn't Michael Pena?

I've got to go back to the future to prevent their marriage. What brought you to L.A.? Why are you here? I did a show yesterday, and then I'm doing one tonight. Or no, on Saturday, yeah. You're staying all week for a show on Saturday? I'm doing one tonight. Or no, on Saturday. You're staying all week for a show on Saturday? I leave tomorrow. I just

came out here to do shows and do open mics. Oh, you were on a show on Saturday. Any highlights of your trip to LA? Do anything fun? See anything cool? I stayed up till 4, which is really exciting for me. Wow, that's exhilarating.

I didn't do anything, but I just wanted to relax, and that's it. Actually, this is really exciting because I listen to you guys' podcasts. You do? Yeah. Were you at the one in San Francisco that we did with Moshe Kesher and Natasha Leggero? No, I was here. Oh, well. I got a question.

You ever beat a man within an inch of his life? Well, have you? Have you, Florentina? Have you? Answer him! Who told you? That's my McFly, Patty Ray. Your comedy's great.

Well executed. You have that good timing and beats thing where you measure it out and you know how to flip it around and let us know that the joke's over. It's really cool. What is something about you that is a hobby or interesting?

You seem like such a good person. You seem like a young substitute teacher. I want to know what the craziest thing about you is or the wildest thing truly that you've ever done. Staying up until four, we get it. That was this week. I mean, right, guys? Come on. Nope. Go ahead. Answer the question.

No, I mean, I'm not that... Wildest thing. Then you would name the wildest thing about you. If there isn't one, you don't need to say that. You would just name the wildest thing about you. Let's say you had a chance to become a 60-year-old man's fourth wife. And I'm telling you right

now, you've got one. You've got a chance to become it. And I promise not to take care of myself either. I'm going to smoke and drink. I guess that the craziest thing would be asking him out on a date. Just kidding. Wait, what?

No, I don't know. Have you ever peed in a beaker before? I mean, I work at a hospital. I can't be that ridiculous. All right. What's your favorite category of porn? Oh, stop that. I'm going to stick it on my question.

I want to know what the craziest thing about you is. I want you to think for a second and answer it honestly. You don't have to be funny. What is something like... And you don't have to have ever told anybody ever. Yeah. It could be your biggest secret if you want. I'll just tell my closest friends here.

That's great. I don't know. I honestly don't. I guess I'm boring. That's awesome. One time I came in a 10-year-old science experiment. Wow. See, Doc gave you one.

Come on. What's something that you've done before, even as a child perhaps? You could play it safe and go all the way that far back. What? Well, okay. You have something. Not as a child. Go ahead.

I was dating this guy, and he wanted to have sex in the car, and we went. A DeLorean? A DeLorean? Did he try to put it in your Flux Crepacitor? Crepacitor? Crepacitor? It's a butt joke. And it was behind this business And after we were done

I guess they had closed They had locked us in So we couldn't get out of the parking lot Ah that's okay See that's a good answer What was the business? I have no idea Planned Parenthood

It was perfect We just stayed there until morning Took care of the duties Dumped it right in the dumpster But you did have sex with right in the dumpster. But you did have sex with him in the car. Do you remember what kind of car it was? It was a white Volvo.

Volvo. Jigga what? That car saved my life, I will say. I fell asleep driving. You have great parents. Thank you. How great are her parents? Really great. You're lying. She had car. How great are her parents? Really great. You're lying. She had car sex

once and it was in the safest car possible. And you're so normal. She used her seatbelt during it too. Thank you. Your husband's got a good job. I think you're great. I want to be more like you. Oh wait, you're the guy who helped me with my water thing over there.

Oh yeah, I helped you earlier get water. Yeah, no problem. Oh, that was good for the live show. There she goes, everybody. Florentina Tanase. I'm going to be in San Francisco at the end of August at Cop's Comedy Club with Jeremiah Watkins. I love San Francisco. I helped her get water. Look how nice she is. You're not. I helped her get water.

Look how nice she is. You're not going to help her get water? It's time to go back to the bucket. Back to the bucket we go. This looks like an extremely, extremely perfect handwriting. The name of a perfectly white, white man. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Gary M. Anderson.

Gary M. Anderson? I'm excited to hear with this. He has such an interesting name. Oh. Is that Gary running away? Gary, get over here! Get over here, Gary! Get over here, Gary!

Put your hands together for Nicole Buchanan. Bop from deep. Bop. There she comes. Boy, were you wrong. Nicole Buchanan, everybody. Hey, guys. I recently lost my virginity and then got dumped by the guy who took my virginity.

So I decided I need, like, a rebound dick. And I didn't imagine that I'd be so emotional about that, about sleeping with the first guy after I... So I cried after sex. I cried. And instead of being concerned, the guy looked me in the eye and goes, Oh, it's okay. It's normal to cry after you orgasm that many times. How are you that confident?

Only a guy could look at a grown woman crying and be like, Awesome, must be my dick. It must be so good. I would never look at a grown man crying after sex and be like, awesome, must be my dick. It must be so good. I would never look at a grown man crying after sex and be like, yeah, it must be his cherry pie. Tastes so good and make a grown man cry. You know what I'm saying? I want that level of confidence.

It's normal to cry after you orgasm that many times. Yeah, I do feel like crying after I orgasm zero times. Fuck you. Nicole Buchanan. How about this? The lady's coming in. Back to back. Showing how it's done.

When you said you were looking for some rebound, Dick, I thought you were going to say that you fucked Dennis Rodman. That was my hope. Oh, Jesus. And I don't know how many people caught that warrant joke. Yeah. Who, by round of applause, who did caught the warrant joke? Cherry pie.

Yeah, that might be a little obscure for your beginning of comedy. I mean, not that this link was fun. I'm just giving you a piece of advice because I know almost every fucking thing there is to know. Cool. Thank you. I'll take advice from you any day, Ron. Thank you, sweetie. Yeah.

Nicole, you're a little killer. You've been on the show a few times. Always fun. Guys, any first impressions down there? Jack, Benji, any thoughts about Nicole? I thought you were super funny. I feel really bad. Was this recently that you cried?

Maybe like eight or nine months ago. Oh. I'm sorry. Well, the baby should be coming out any day now. Oh, I think I hear it now. Comedy's born from tragedy, so it was lucky in a way. You bounced back strong, though, right?

You moving on? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, tons of dicks and sins. Wow, is that true? She actually, a couple weeks ago, she screamed out how much she loved anal sex. I did, okay, no.

No, no, this really happened. Look, look, she has a story about this. Is, no. No, this really happened. Look. She has a story about this. Is this true? No, it's not. Pat and Jeremiah do their anal thing or whatever. Let me put it in your butt song. And I was enjoying the song. Really taking the art out of it.

And then now Brian won't stop calling me. Well, you screamed out, yeah. Because, I don't know know I was enjoying the song Very good Nicole how do you survive How do I survive How do you make money

I work at Starbucks You do How long have you been doing that for Since like December How do you feel about being a 60 year old man's fourth wife It sucks. How long have you been doing that for? Since, like, December. Huh. How do you feel about being a 60-year-old man's fourth wife? How do you feel about it, Nicole?

I mean, if I don't have to work at Starbucks anymore, sure. Oh, no, you don't have to work at Starbucks. What's your least favorite part about working at Starbucks? Am I going to get fired? You feel like you're going to get fired? Do you know how easy it is to work at Starbucks? You're fine. Because it's in fucking Beverly Hills and the people come in are fucking assholes.

Really? This guy came out of the bathroom and was like, you're out of toilet paper and flicked water on me. Wait a minute. Are you fucking serious? Have you talked about this on stage before? That is perfectly fucking normal, woman. That's how you tell somebody there's no goddamn toilet paper.

You're lucky it wasn't piss. I don't know. Yeah, you don't know. You don't know what it was. I wiped my dick with my hand. Here you go. That sounded like a christening. You got not baptized, but you got frappized.

Yeah, it was fucking. It's a Starbucks reference. No? You don't have to accept that shit if you don't want it. What was your reaction when that happened? Did you say anything? Because you're a comedian. I would have said shit even if I was a Starbucks employee.

I mean, in all fairness, her face is already wet from all the tears that she's been... Yeah, that's true. People say shit to me all the time, and I can't say anything because I need a job. Yes, you can say something. I'm so... I feel... This all sounds really rough. Oppressed. But it's okay. Beaten by the corporate fucking hammer.

They do Starbucks. You know, you can only get about seven of those jobs a day. Yeah. You know how long it'd take me to get fired at fucking Starbucks? Yeah, why don't you go find a nice, quiet place to fuck yourself? All right, I'm leaving. Is it true that you've been hooking up with a lot of guys lately? I don't know.

I guess it would depend on what you mean by a lot. Would you say you've been hooking up with a venti amount of guys lately? I mean, more than I did. Oh, fuck. More than I did because it took me like 22 years to lose my virginity, so I'm just like making up for lost time, I guess. So like how many are you averaging, say, like per month? Per day. Per day, per day.

I don't know. I can tell you it's been a year since I lost my virginity. I've slept with five people. Whoa, you've reached your Fox capacitor. All normal, like what's your type? White guys, tall? Tall white guys? You just described what you know my ex-boyfriend looks like.

What? Yeah, I guess. Don't want no short dick, man. Do you want to be a 23-year-old black comedian's first wife? No, that's my... Jack and I. Have you ever thought about having sex with a black man? I have.

Have you done it? How'd it go? It was great. It was the best. It was the best one, for sure. Wow. Is that... Now, wait a minute. We're going to have a fuck-off right here.

Ron White versus Ron Black. I'll fuck you until you can't make a fist. I'll fuck you until you're laying there going, I can't even pick up a pen to write down my fucking phone number. That's a lot of talk without Viagra. Oh, shit.

Nobody said anything about no Viagra. Old white guys versus young black guys. One way to settle this. Double penetration fuck war. Fuck war! Old white guys versus young black guys. Fuck war! One way to settle this. Double penetration fuck war. Jacket's the pussy.

Ron in the butthole. Okay. Welcome to Merry Fuck Kill Tony. Nicole, are you going to keep your clothes on for this? No, I'm kidding. Alright, Nicole. Well, that's fucking awesome.

Every time you come on the show, it's always a funny new minute. It's good to see you again. Yeah, thank you. Nicole Buchanan, everybody. Thank you. Every single week, we have an amazing fucking comedian. She's one of all of our favorite people. She is a regular, the only

sole regular on the show. She writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. She's the baby Frankenstein of Kill Tony. Put your hands together for the great Allie Makovsky. In the flesh. I'm going to New York in September. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm going to New York in September. I'm pretty excited about it.

I'm flying out September 11th. People are like, you're going on September 11th? I'm like, baby, lightning doesn't strike twice. I mean, I'm so against terrorism, but you can't say it's all bad. My flight was so cheap. Wow. Suicide bombers, like, you know,

they kill for 72 virgins, and I just want to get 72 virgin American flights for cheap. My dad just watched the NWA movie. He's a little late. But he was like, Allie, this movie's so good. When they say the N-word it sounds so cool could I finish he's like when they say the n-word

it sounds so cool when I say it it doesn't sound the same and then he proceeded to say the n-word and I was like dad it's not supposed to sound cool when you say it that's like if you're at work and one of your co-workers calls you, it's not supposed to sound cool when you say it. That's like if you're at work and one of your coworkers calls you Dad. It's not the same.

Should have left on the suicide note. You live and you learn, kiddo. But that is by far one of my favorite jokes that I've heard in a long time from anyone. That was very funny. That's great. Thank you. Is that true? September 11th? Is that the actual date? Yeah, yeah, funny. That's great. Is that true? September 11th?

Is that the actual date? Yeah, I'm taking a red eye on September 11th. Wow. That was a great, great joke. I rarely get a reaction of just balls out laughter. I thought that was fucking amazing. You know what? I also think it's... You have no idea

what kind of creative balls it takes to come up on stage and just do one new minute a week. It's just something that you have to be able to pull it off. It's impressive. You're a great comedian. I really wish you the best. Thank you. Absolutely.

Totally. A hundred percent. Ron, could I be your fifth wife? You've got to let your hair grow back. Yeah, you've got to grow your hair. It'll grow back in that amount of time. Man, so you're flying on 9-11. That's going to be...

I forgot. I wanted to add... I had more tags about, like, I wish that they would do it in nicer destinations, like, so that way I could fly to Tahiti for cheap or I wish that they would have more terrorist attacks around Christmas. That makes sense.

Hawaii. I like it a lot. That's funny. How cheap were flights in Hawaii when they got bombed? Pearl Harbor. I got tickets to Hawaii for Pearl Harbor. I'm going to visit the Alamo.

That's really, really fucking funny. Especially, it's a smart, cool 9-11 joke. Joel, they're all vacations you'll never forget. I wish I would have sat down. Marty, we must go back in time immediately. Now that you know you saved money on 9-11, it makes sense that the Jews

planned it. Yes, it does. Yeah. Anything in your normal life been interesting this past week? We always like to get a life update from you since you're the only person that's on the show every week in that position. Yeah, I don't know. I've been very, very broke lately, so I have peanut butter stashed in my car that I just eat with.

I eat peanut butter five times. I just use one finger each time so I don't double dip fingers. That's been really fun and exciting. Great source of protein. Solve all your hunger problems in a jiff. It's not a good source of protein. That's not a complete protein.

You can't just eat peanut butter and think you're okay protein-wise. Who's the scientist here, damn it? Cock blocker. There's something called a complete protein, and you don't get it just with peanut butter. Wait a minute. Benji let the dogs out here. Benji barking.

So you've been eating peanut butter out of a jar. Crunchy? Creamy? Creamy. That makes me sort of sick to my stomach. Well, I mean it's perfect because I'm like, I want to get it like worked out perfectly. I got really broke at the same time. I want to get really skinny. So it's like

merging both. It's interesting to me because most you know like I was a very, very, very, very, very struggling comedian. I used to, you know, there was a period of time where I was, you know, crashing in my car. You? And this and that. Right. Way, way, way back when I worked here and stuff.

And what the fuck was my point? It was. Peanut butter? I'll tell you what your point was. I don't fucking get your poor fucking shit, okay? I live in Beverly Hills. We live like fucking pigs, don't we? We don't get this fucking, I can't

eat fucking peanut butter. Fucking eat it. Who gives a shit? I remember... I think that's what he's getting at. I remember what it was, is that I'm originally from Ohio. A lot of the struggling comedians that, you know, are really, really, really struggling like you from Ohio. A lot of the struggling comedians that are really, really, really struggling like you are

are from another part of the country. But your family, you're from Long Beach. Yeah, I just saw my dad the other day. What are you rubbing in that she's poor? No, she's not poor. She's not poor. She's from a poor family.

She's cute Hollywood poor. It seems like you're doing it on purpose Because you just what refuse to go home And eat a meal with your family I went home to see I was doing a show On Long Beach last night And I called my dad before And I was like hey

Do you have food at the house And he said no so I was like okay Taco Bell again So basically You're okay I wouldn't, okay, Taco Bell again. So basically... You're okay. I wouldn't say okay, but I'll be fine. So basically, after you decided to do stand-up comedy, you started vanishing out of your family's photo albums. That was a good one.

It was a long way. Allie? But I did it anyway. Not only one of my favorite jokes of the night, but one of my favorite jokes probably the past few weeks Congratulations 9-11 cheap flights Sometimes it's that simple

Just a fucking honest real thing And you can't even write that joke Unless you even think about buying a flight on 9-11 That's a weird funny thing That's really a great joke What do you, tell Haley hello. Oh, Jesus.

You guys want to go to the bucket one more time, huh? What do you say? You guys have it in you? Audience, I said, do you want to go to the fucking bucket one more time? Do you want to go to the fucking bucket one more time?

Chris isn't clapping. George isn't clapping. Everybody takes it for granted. Everybody just takes it for granted now. Put your hands together for Sebastian Corley. Deep in the back. Make some noise for Sebastian Corley, everybody.

Or not. I know what you're thinking. Sebastian's way too sexy of a name for a guy that looks like this. I don't look like a Sebastian. I look like Chris Pratt fucked John Goodman. That's too real. Yeah, my buddy doesn't like that joke. He's like, man, looks don't matter. You've heard that, right? Looks don't matter, which is weird because they kind of fucking do. I know for a fact if I lost weight, I'd be having more sex. I mean, it worked for Jared from Subway, right? You don't have to like that joke, but let's be honest.

No one was hopping on Uncle Jared's van in the before picture. That shit did not happen. Now, I'm really over women, especially like hot women my age. I'm 23 years old, and I look at hot women my age the same way a 75-year-old man must look at hot women my age. I'm 23 years old, and I look at hot women my age the same way a 75-year-old man must look at hot women my age. It's a nice fantasy, but unless I'm rich, I will never get away with killing one. Sebastian

Corley. Hello. How's it going? This is your first time on the show, right? Yes, sir. How long have you been on stand-up? About a year and a half. Where are you from? This is your first time on the show, right? Yes, sir. How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half.

Where are you from? Orange County, originally. Originally. Yeah, Huntington Beach. Now you live closer to here? Burbank, yeah. Oh, okay. How long ago did you move to Burbank? Like three years ago, but it's been a while since Huntington.

I kind of moved around and then wound up in Burbank three years ago. What do you do for work? I work at a prop house. A prop house. Warehouse where you rent out props to film and TV productions. How long have you been doing that? It'll be a year in September. What was your job before that?

I was working security at a private school down on Sunset. Security at a private school? That's creepy. Is that when you wrote that Jared joke? Yeah. Yeah. That's back when you were still allowed within 500 feet of a school.

What's your love life like, Sebastian? Not doing really great, but... You on any dating apps or anything? I just deleted all of them for the second time this year, so... Oh, wow. You're like, fuck giving this a chance. I'm just going to clean off

all these apps so that I get faster masturbation speed. Was there a reason? Did you have a bad date? I had a couple bad dates and on those apps you're just dodging hookers constantly. So what's wrong with that? Not me! Open micers don't have

hooker money. Dear God, let her be a hooker. Plead Lord. Oh, plead Lord. So, like, one of these bad dates, can you give us an example of sort of what made it bad to you? Not catfished, but like...

Wait, you got catfished? You're not the catfisher? How is that possible? You got blue-whaled, bro. She didn't have a vagina? They've all been fucking weird. You have got to give us an example. Was it like you were kissing your sister?

No This girl invited me to go to it first It was supposed to be just a hook up thing She's like meet me at this bar Go down, pay for parking Go in, buy a drink That's all customary up to that point You thought she was going to give you a parking permit

Or something like that? Excuse me, I'm outside. Can you run the permit out, please? I walk in and it's like a work party of hers. A what? A work party at this bar that she invited me to. So I go hang out and it was super weird. She was like introducing me to

everybody like we knew each other. Oh. Yeah. What was that work party? Jiffy Lube? What was that? like, oh. Yeah. What was that work? Jiffy lube? What was that? Jesus, Brian. You know what? I'll tell you what the whole problem is.

Women don't know how good fat guys fuck. They don't. And what happens is I'm fucking you, but my stomach is rubbing your clit. It's the fucking amazing sensation, and chicks don't know that. But you look at him different now, right? You'd rub the fuck out of a clit with that gut.

I mean, I'm telling you, the secret to fucking a fat man, and I know this for a reason, is leave the engine on the ground. for a reason, is leave the engine on the ground. Don't hoist the 280 pound guy

up in the air and expect him to fuck very long. You gotta leave that guy on the ground. Figure out a way to move on in there. Fuck you. Ride it. Leave the engine on the ground. Leave the engine on the ground or it ain't gonna last long.

Do you think I'm fucking on a trampoline? How do you think we're all grounded in some capacity? No, some guys are up there. They're able to fucking Joe Rogan you

or whatever the fuck he does. That's what girls do. They come home like, I got Joe Rogan like crazy. I fucked this Cirque du Soleil guy. It was just nuts. Getting Joe Rogan, I'm pretty sure this Cirque du Soleil guy. It was just nuts. Getting Joe Rogan, I'm pretty sure, is, yeah. I think I totally understand

what you're saying. That's what it makes complete sense. Rogan would fuck you until you couldn't make a fist. Right. I think you're picky. You're not good with work parties. You're not good with hookers. I mean, there's not much else. I attract women that are the same exact size as me.

Right. And the mechanics are way off. The mechanics of two big people don't work. Is that true? Why do you just poke at each other with sticks? It's like two people... Just go Asian. It's like two people with hats trying to kiss.

Poke at each other with sticks. That was so exactly what it is yeah yeah yeah i get it why don't you hire an assistant like a third party to like make it to officiate the fucking i move all the stuff out of the way it does seem like let me get this right so if you're fucking a fat chick you're hitting it let's say from behind right let's say you're doing it doggy style or in this case piggy style or whatever the fuck you call it right so you're hitting it from behind your belly would be running into her butt wouldn't it like the bottom of your belly would be running into the top of her butt like that low it's not that crazy but you gotta leave the engine on the ground

hey listen here's the deal dude you're a good looking guy You got good hair You got great teeth You got a beard It's true Chicks like that Right You're really funny You know

You know what you need Confidence And some fucking Atkins bars And an Asian Drop a fucking few pounds You can do it And then You'll be getting pussy

Out the fucking ass Look at you You're doing stand up You're fucking He's right Who would fucking Maybe lost 20 pounds Girls Who would would fuck him if he lost 20 pounds? Girls, who would fuck him?

Who would fuck him if he lost 20 pounds? A lot of guys want to fuck you. Okay, let's hear 25 pounds. Then we'll get 30 pounds. Can I get 30 pounds? Can I hear 35 pounds? Oh, we got 40 pounds right over here. You lose 40 pounds,

and this girl's going to fuck you tonight. Or not tonight, but when you lose the 40 pounds. Coolest auction ever. I'm just saying, own it. I'm picturing the people watching for the first time on VR right now with helmets on looking around at who's doing the bidding and who's not. Wait until you guys see how crazy this shit is in VR. Your minds are going to be absolutely blown, by the way. Oh, God.

And, you know, you're a funny guy, so you should be coming around the mountain when she comes, or whatever. Use your swagger. But you totally have the ability to get in better shape and continue to do all the things you do in your life.

And I think you'll be pretty successful at it. You seem smart and all that. Go get them. Thank you. Smart, funny, and like this suicidal guy said in the middle of the room, don't let them change you for some reason. There he is. Sebastian Corley, it was nice to meet you.

Thank you. There he goes. You know what, Brian? I'm feeling like I think I have a little bit more monster energy in me, and I think we should go to the bucket one more time. Wow. Monster energy. Wow. Extended.

I've never had an audience show up at the end of the show before, but that's what it's supposed to sound like. Fuck yeah, the whole time. That was great, guys. Very good. I'm proud of this audience. They pulled another name out of the bucket. Red Ink. Different than everybody else.

Put your hands together for Rich Gibbs. Gibbs? Rich Gibbs. Rich Gibbs. Rich Gibbs. Rich Gibbs How's everybody doing tonight? It's a great crowd, great crowd

I want to talk about before Tinder Remember before Tinder Used to call the chat line Remember the chat line? Single ladies now in your area Call now I love the chat line I Single ladies now in your area. Call now. I love the chat line. I met this woman named Strawberry. I later found out her name was Renee, but for the sake of this story, Strawberry. She was 40 and I was something in high school. I know the truth. I'll let you decide.

16. She used to pick me up in front of high school. She'd buy me cigarettes. I used to pretend she was my mom. I'd cuss her out. It was hilarious. She'd fuck me up. She used to suck the shit out of my dick. I'd come. She'd keep going. It was like a checkpoint for her. She'd hop on top of me and start fucking me. I wouldn't even come

anymore. Nothing would come out. I just twitched a little bit. Now we've been married for 10 years and my stepson is four years older than me it's my time thank you very much Rich Gibbs fuck yeah

where you from Rich? I'm from Indianapolis, Indiana oh very cool I'm going to be there in 2 weeks on the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour how long you been in LA? I moved to LA in March March, wow that's cool what made you move out here? energy outbreak tour. Wow. How long you been in L.A.? I moved to L.A. in March. March.

Wow, that's cool. What made you move out here? I wanted to do, well, actually, I've been in San Diego the last eight years, and then I moved to L.A. to be an actor. Military?

No, no, no. What made you go to San Diego? This girl. I was a hooter cook. That was my first job. Wow. I fucking love hooters, hooters, wings, man.

I fucking love them. I love them. I eat there all the fucking time. I'd say best road food on the fucking road. You know what you're going to get? You're going to get the wing you want. And by the way, I'm smoking pot because he said it was three people. And I have five fucking people. As a Hooter cook,

how many girls did you fuck? At Hooters? Yes. All of them. Two. Because I started when I was 16, so they wouldn't fuck with me because my ID was straight up and down. Right. Now, after you get molested your whole adolescence, do you automatically become a hooter cook, or is there...

No, well, see, like, so you know, like... Is that what they ask you? Like, you were molested as a teenager by an older woman. Actually, my dad got me the job. He was a hooter cook for 15 years. Whoa. Nepotism. Nepotism.

Yeah, look at that. If you don't talk about that on stage, you're barking down the wrong fucking road. Yeah, my goodness. That's fucking brilliant right there. Straight from the dad. The owl doesn't fall far from the tree, it seems. That was a Hooters joke. And also a lot of orchestra music.

An extremely high level of volume that drowns out everything else happening in the show. Hey, when you said that that older woman sucked the shit out of your dick, my question is, why was there poop in your dick? Good question. I was a teenager. You remember being a teenager?

As you do, you have poop in your dick when you're a teenager. All the time. So the girl in San Diego was a Hooters girl? She was, yeah. Did you give her her Red Wings ever or just her barbecue and my old... That's a period joke for all you idiots out there. It was a period and a Hooters joke

Because he's the cook for the Hooters You give her her Red Wings Barbecue Yeah, we get it Jesus Christ, what time do you think we got here? Hooters is a Red Wings Hooters has really good food

I actually like their What? That's true, I think so too I'm telling you, I literally I crave it. Yeah. Do you really think Hooters has good food? Yeah.

Are you serious? That's a real statement from Tony Henscliffe. Yeah, compared to a lot of places. Is this a sponsor that I do not know about? No, don't spill stuff and commit to things that aren't going to work. I love the idea of one time your dad sat you down as you tried to tell him that you wanted to be an actor. And he's like, no, I want you to be a Hooters chef. And you bought it.

You fucking bought it. Hook, line, and fucking sinker. Are you still doing that? No, no, no. I'm a server now. Ooh, at Hooters? You're a Hooters boy? I didn't know that.

I didn't know they had that where you just walks out with a black sock around his cock. Hey, what's up? What can I get for you? Do you have a fish hook in your dick? Hey, can I have some of that ground pepper? That's not ground pepper, baby. Where are you a waiter at? The Yard House at LA Live.

I love Yard House. I fucking ate there just the other day. I played the fucking whatever it is right next to it. The Novo or the Congo Room or the Microsoft Theater. Nah, none of those. Rich, you in a relationship? Yeah, my girlfriend's right there. Oh, really? Where?

Oh, look at her. Oh, wow. White girl. Hot white chick in the back. Wow. If we went back in time to the 1950s, that wouldn't be acceptable. Wow. Where'd you meet her at? San Diego.

San Diego. Where at in San Diego? Pacific Beach? No, no, no. Rancho Penasquitos. Rancho Penasquitos. That all lined up. Yeah, she used to work at this bar that my friend worked at and I would go because

I knew that she would come in right as he got off and so I pretended to be his ride but he lived across the street. You've been with black women before as You've been with black women as as well in your life, right? Yeah, I don't discriminate. Right. Is there something that you prefer about white women over black women that sort of stands out to you?

And if you were going to do a you porn thing, I'm just saying I would watch it. I would watch it. I would watch you fuck that girl. I really would love to. I don't know. I would be honest with you. I don't know if that's in the future. I think I see a fourth wife and a first husband going on right here.

All right. Is there something you prefer about white women that's a little bit different than black women? No. Well, my dad always told me that it's all pink in the middle. Wait, was he talking about the chicken wings at Hooters? Still nothing on that one, huh? Are you and your dad Eskimo brothers? Eskimo father and son

No we're not Man You're so well adjusted Like you seem like a You know Your dad's telling you They're all pink in the middle Well that was

Just the first thing he said He was You cut out the lights Everyone's black And pussy doesn't have a face. What? What the fuck is that? No, it really doesn't.

Does your dad like the trucker Dr. Seuss? He's like. 99. We're all pink on the inside. Plug your nose and deal with it if you meet her at a Flying J. 99. Rich, what's the weirdest thing about you? Something creepy that you do? Like a weird

thing that you do? I take really long shits. Really? Yeah. The duration? The duration or the length of the turn? Right. Are we talking about like first... Like if we measured it from one end to the other

would you get a first down? First down. He doesn't realize he's dying. For those of you not following along, Brian Redband's losing his mind on the soundboard for the last 15 minutes blatantly. Thank you Ron for feeding him tequila after his normal two drinks.

He thinks he's flying a kite. But he's not. All right, Brian. This is a live show, buddy. Jesus is having his own little meltdown over there. I'm eating Hooters every day and being like, I guess I'm just a guy who takes weird shits all the time. That's me.

See no connection with anything else. Now, are you saying that you sit on the toilet and your first turd to your last turd is a long time or is it you sit there for a while and you're not pushing at all? Well no I do. I don't try to strain myself obviously.

In terms of there will be blood. But you never splatter. How long? I mean like the average is about 30 to 45 minutes. What? No, that's not good. You got to get one of those toilet genies or whatever they're called. There you go.

What he said. What are they called? I do. You drink water? Not as much. I always say that there's enough water in my beer. That's my thing. Yeah, you're an alcoholic.

Okay. Rich. Like, alcoholics take 45 minutes to... Answer me! Alcoholics fall in love at Hooters. Like, you're drowning it all in a smile and booze, dude. You gotta figure some stuff out. Jeremiah?

Have you ever hooked your poop up to a clock tower? That is so stupid. That's funny, Jeremiah. So great. Jeremiah fucking Watkins. So, all right. So the length of time is a long time, and you drink a lot. Do you have roommates?

No, it's just me and her. You live with your girlfriend? Yeah, yeah. Is she concerned about your shits? Can we ask her? Are you worried about your... She's worried. Is it the drinking? What is it?

The food? Is it the shit in his dick? See, what's interesting, though, is she gets fucked by a black guy, so the poop just falls immediately out of her butt. She takes the shortest shits in the world. It's broken in, you understand, because of the gigantic black penis. The stereotype. You know Chipper Jones?

That's actually our dog's name. Chipper Jones. Our dog's name is Chipper Jones. Get the fuck out of here. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? She's a huge Atlanta Braves fan. She has the tattoo A on her neck. Shit, and Chipper Jones, of course,

knocked off the Hooters shit. And Chipper Jones is our dog's name. They have Hooters wagers. And this is all coming full circle. It is, yeah. We're starting to learn more about your whole fucking family, dude. I want to watch you fuck. You're from Atlanta? Let's go. I would hang out with you guys. I really would.

She's your only roommate. What does she do for work? She's a spray tanner and she's also a waitress slash bartender Wow because son tanning beds are illegal in Canada did you know that no I didn't they did there because it's so fucking bad for you it's because it's the bad it's the raise you do not want to have hit your fucking skin fry your fucking skin and people are getting cancer like crazy and so it just didn't now they don't give a fuck here. If you can make a nickel out of it, fuck, give them cancer. Right. Spray tan, though.

I don't three tanning head booze in there. No, I don't. But anyway, let's go forward. Do you ever think when you're spray tanning your toilet that your girlfriend's at work doing the exact same thing? Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Not a lot, though.

Hmm. And your stand-up career is going okay you've been doing a lot of spots um no this actually so like a few years ago i did stand up and then i decided i wanted to try to be an actor to get a better stage presence so i did some theater and then i just moved out here and i started the groundlings what kind of theater uh community college theater. I love community college theater. He's like, I started going to movies and talking really loud. I'm just born with that.

Joe Berg. Listen to that. They love him. Oh, my God. Brian. Oh, boy God. Brian. Oh, boy. Rich. So I guess what I'm asking is, like, what are some future goals or something like that?

What's something you want to accomplish in the near future? In the near future? I mean, I just want to stop waiting tables, you know, if I could. Fuck yeah, I'd do anything. Have you thought about not shitting for 40 minutes during your shift? Have you thought about not shitting for 40 minutes during your shift? Well, I don't shit for 40 minutes, but I do like have it worked out if you like shit for 10 minutes. That's 10 minutes you're not a waiter. Oh, a week, you know, at the end of the year, it's like a two week paycheck. Have you ever had diarrhea before?

What the fuck are you? Did that fuck up your day? Have you had diarrhea before? I got food poisoning once How recently was that That was years When like IHOP had the bad eggs That's how you got it

Yeah You got it from IHOP I haven't been back since Wow What do you remember first happening When you realized that Maybe you got food poisoning More shit came out than usual

in a lesser time. Alright, well, there you go. Are we still talking about poop? And were you fucking an IHOP waitress or are they too classy for you? Yeah, they're too classy for me, yeah. Hey, so while they're talking, are you ticklish?

No Nowhere in your body? You can try Jeremiah, we try to tickle him a little You're not ticklish Have you ever been ticklish in your life And it just changed later? My granddad used to tickle me.

Oh, you just laughed a little, though. Well, because he, like, touched my dick. Okay. Allegedly. We're going to let him go. Rich Gibbs, ladies and gentlemen. Rich Gibbs' first time on the show. He's on Twitter at RichieRich619.

As a special gift for you all, now performing five minutes in front of all of us, it's the great Ron White. SheRich619. As a special gift for you all, now performing five minutes in front of all of us, it's the great Ron White. Thank you very much. That's a lot of fun to do this, Tony. Thanks for putting all this together, buddy. It's a lot of work, and I know that it's a blast for everybody to come see. Thanks for doing that.

This entire panel, everybody up here is just fucking hilarious, and the band can be way better. They can be way better. We can get anybody off the fucking street to replace these fucking lame-ass fucks. Dumb!

Don't participate in my fucking show. You sit there not with that goofy fucking blank stare, but like a young comic that has respect for one of his elders. Perfect. I'm 60 years

old and I know two things to be true. One, anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. And you can't unfuck the babysitter. Don't drink and drive. That's what they say. They also say friends don't let friends drive drunk. Well, which one is it? Somebody's got to drive.

I was leaving a party the other day, and this buddy of mine goes, Hey, Ron, can you drive? I was like, I can drive. I can't get pulled over. Now, I won't drive drunk, but I will ride with somebody that can't blow a.08, and I know it. Because.08's not drunk. .08 is a revenue stream for the federal fucking government,

what.808 is. That ain't drunk at all. That ain't kind of drunk. This is drunk. That guy can't drive my fucking car. Now, I'm not saying I've never driven drunk, because I've drank so much in my life. Now, on the back of my driver's license, there's a list of organs I need.

I was in Melbourne, Florida one time. I was driving a rental car, and I'd had two drinks, and I didn't make them. I don't know how strong they were. Tasted strong. Whiskey and ice cubes. And up in front of me, I see a sobriety checkpoint. I'm like, oh, fuck. And I get up there, and the cop goes, Mr. White, I smell alcohol on your breath. I said, that's been there since 77, dude. You pour that much scotch on a tongue, it's going to smell like scotch forever.

There's nothing you can do about it. We've tried everything that there is. He said, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer. And I said, I'm not going to do it. And I'll tell you why. Because if that piece of shit's calibrated wrong, I could be convicted of doing something I didn't do. And he said, did I need you to do a field sobriety test? And I'm like, just tell me what you want me to do.

He goes, I want you to stand on one foot, raise the other foot, bullshit, fuck that. I'm not doing that either. I'm not, and I'll tell you why. That's not a sobriety test. That's an agility test, and I'm not very goddamn agile. I'm not, and it's not fair to me because I'm older. I'm not in that great of shape. I may or may not be a little drunk.

Fuck, I don't know. You know what a fair drunk driving test is? Drunk driving. Get in the car. Let's do a couple blocks. Let me show you some skills. I'm not a 21-year-old puking cheap tequila through his nose. I'm a 60-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker. Or that's what it said in the deposition. Here's another

fair test. Darts. We go back to O'Leary's Pub where this whole fucking thing started. If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail. How about that? Thanks a lot, guys. Run white! Episode 224 of Kill Tony. And you were here for it. The Monster Energy Outbreak Tour starts Wednesday.

St. Louis, everywhere in between with the great Jeremiah Watkins. If you live anywhere in America, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com and get tickets for that. The great Jack Knight, ladies and gentlemen, has a brand new show streaming on Netflix this September. It's called Big Mouth. Anything else, Jack? J-A-K-K-N-I-G-H-T. No.

Hey, Ron, are you looking to be a 60-year-old man's... Okay, I'll give a fuck. I fucked it up. Enjoy your night. Get drunk. Bye-bye-bye. Have a seat. We're going to take a picture in just a second.

Benji Aflalo has a brand new show called Alone Together with our great friend, Little Esther Pivitsky. He wrote it. He created it. He made it. I watched him go for years working on this fucking thing and he made it into a real goddamn TV show. Benji Aflalo. I always look like Steve Bannon in these fucking things. The great Ron White. You know him. You love him.

He's got dates, I'm sure. That's at ronwhite.com somewhere for those of you listening around the country. Jeremiah Watkins is with me on the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour. He's fresh back from Montreal. His stand-up on the Spot Show was a goddamn hit. He did the goddamn comedy jam every single fucking night there. He's a part of the Wave on Roast Battle.

And he's one of my favorite human beings on this show of Kill Tony. Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen. Anything else, Jeremiah? Yeah. Thank you, Tony. At Jeremiah's stand-up on social media, and Pat Reagan and I have a new sketch-up on ReaganOrWatkins.com.

Check it out. Pat Reagan also has an album out called Bad Chad that's available now on iTunes. And Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. He's on Twitter at MostlySorry. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is right here, ladies and gentlemen. While you all sat there doing nothing, Ryan J. E. Belt made an entire piece of art. Shout out to our people on the VR.

Let's make some noise for the Comedy Store door guys and waitresses. I very rarely get to give them enough credit. Chris Dillon on bass. Bass guitar. Chroma Chris. At Chroma Chris. Chroma Chris? Yes. And this tequila. Number one. I'm telling you.

I'm not fucking around. It's truly the best tequila. Zip Recruiter. LA Speedweed. Monster Energy Outbreak Tour. The brand new Phil Tony shirt. Edmonton, Minnesota. I'll be there next month. See ya.

Live audience, we're going to be hanging out on the patio after this. We're going to drink more and hang out all night. If you guys want to high five us and say what's up, you can do it right out there.

Keep drinking on the front patio. Give some money to the comedy store. We love this place. Have a great night, everybody. Thank you. place. Have a great night, everybody. I want you to smile and laugh at me, Sarah. If you feel like leaving, you know

you can go. But why don't you stay until tomorrow? If you want to be free. You know. All you got to do. Is say so. When you feel cold.

I'll warm you. And when you feel you can't go on I'll come and hold you It's you and me forever Thank you.