KILL TONY - KILL TONY #231

Episode Date: September 27, 2017

Eddie Brill, Matt Braunger, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 09/22/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis?

My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me.

Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. This is a special episode. This was recorded in Boston at the Boston Comedy Festival. Usually when we're at a different club, I don't have my mixing board on stage and stuff like that. So I rely on the people that are working at the clubs. Now, unfortunately, sometimes that's not great, as in this episode. This episode, the first 30 minutes of this episode was almost unlistenable.

I had to mix my backup camera audio to this. I had a VR cam that I was messing around with. I took the audio from that. I had a backup MP3 recorder that was recording on the stage. What I'm trying to say is I took four different audio tracks just to try to fix the first 30 minutes of this. And I think it's listenable now. At first, I didn't think I was going to be able to release this episode. So please bear through the first 20, 30 minutes, this episode so please bear through the first 20 30 minutes less less than that even uh the first five minutes uh i can't believe you can even hear anything so uh just get through the first little

bit uh and it should sound better i apologize i did not uh mix this i fixed it so anyways uh if you want to watch kill tony live we're always on the road. We're always doing shit. We do the Comedy Store every Monday in the main room, and it's at 8 o'clock. And we're on the road all the time. You can go to DeathSquad.tv, click on Tour Dates, and you can see all the places we're at, including Death Squad is coming to Indianapolis at Morty's. Me and Kate are going to be there. I have some surprise guests.

That's November 8th. And then Columbus Funnybone, November 9th, my home club in Columbus, Ohio. That's November 9th. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates for all the information. Also, Tony Hinchcliffe has his website,

TonyHinchcliffe.com. He's going to be in Austin, Texas. He's going to be at Sunnyvale at Rooster Teeth Feathers. He's going to be at La Jolla Comedy Store. So check it out. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. Alright guys, here's a very special episode of Kill Tony.

Hopefully it doesn't sound too bad. Hey, this is Ripley. I come to you live from the Boston Comedy Festival. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hello! Hello Boston! Hello! Hello! Hello! Does that seem quiet to you?

Does that seem quiet to you guys? Yeah! What? Boston, make some fucking noise. We are here. Live! We are here to take the Grand Hump of Bryan Redfish. Bryan, can you go maybe

draw him some home or something? In retrospect, hello, louder? Not loud enough for me. Louder, all the way up. Nothing can stop him. All the way up. Nothing can stop him. He's all the way up. The sound guy is every level up.

Just fucking do it, dude. Let's bring this shit tonight. These speakers are way too big for what's coming out of them. Oh, yeah! Power! Here we go. Brian, I'm excited about this. We have a very fun show planned for you guys.

We have a hard out, so let's just jump right the fuck into it. What do you guys say, huh? Every single week, I have two of the funniest guests on the show. You know, these festivals are a little bit crazy, because sometimes you're left with limited options, but I was just telling these guys backstage this is exactly like an LA book show, and you guys are lucky as fuck

because it's a perfect fucking match, and I couldn't be more excited. Make some noise for your guests tonight, the great and hilarious Eddie Brill and Matt Bronger! They've been on this show before And they are back Here we are Back

You know what's up everybody How many of you guys listened to episodes of Kill Tony on the internet? Wow Then you should be pleased to know that these are two returning guests, and I couldn't be more excited that you guys are here. Are you ready for this shit or what? I'm ready. Yeah, I think so.

Bronger, I just watched you destroy in this room right before we were on. I did all right. And for those of you that don't know, not only is Eddie a great, great comedian, but he also booked Letterman for a very long time. In fact, you even gave Matt his first Letterman appearance. That worked out pretty nice. This was the guy. What was the show you had on Saturday nights?

Mad TV? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you remember that? That little show I had? Yeah. Well, we were booking you on the Friday so that we could say he's making his debut on the fucking Mad TV. And then you got bumped. And then Mad TV was first, so we were open. can you on the friday so that we could say he's making his debut on yes fucking mad tv and then you got bumped yeah mad tv was first so we were open but then you had uh you had tracy morgan it

was it was tracy morgan and me like you just have two guests every time and tracy was losing his shit and you came backstage you're like i think david's gonna have you over the couch you have a story you can tell and i was like oh what and i and i'm like i told you i told your story you're like that's a good one. Anything else? I'm like, no. I'm losing my mind right now, man. You had the owl bit that Letterman fucking loved.

Yeah. That was great. Remember the owl bit? Huh? You guys remember that owl bit? Huh? Come on. In 2009?

No one? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Boston bucket of baked beans. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Boston Bucket of Baked Beans. Somehow, someway, we had a shit ton of a lot of sign-ups today. Maybe this bucket's better on the ground. Yeah, maybe just pick one out. I'll just reach around and pull names out of it as the show goes on. And I'm fucking excited about this, though.

A lot of people signed up. How many people signed up in this room that have never done stand-up comedy before? Clap your hands. Wow, that's a lot of people, including Pink Shirt. Look at this guy ready to go. Are you guys ready? Should we start this shit? It's motherfucking Kill Tony, live from Boston. Live, live, live.

You know how it works. If I pull your name out of the bucket, that means you get 60 seconds of stage time. Sometimes it's a great local comedian. Sometimes it is an insane person. You never know what's going to happen, but they get 60 seconds. You know your 60 seconds is up

when you hear the sound of a kitten. Aww. Isn't that adorable? That means wrap it up then. Earl, you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Oh, come on. I think that bear ate a bird before. That was a mouse and then a bear and then a motorcycle.

How did the bear get a chainsaw here from Los Angeles? You guys ready for this shit or what? Yeah, come on. Drop bucket. Your first comedian going up. When we go on the road, we don't ever take our actual bucket, so we get a bucket when we go there. I want to let you guys know that out of all the live Keltonis we've done,

around not only America, but also in Canada, you have the largest fucking bucket ever. Boston, Massachusetts. Okay. Well, if you ever listened to the show, then you happen to know that I absolutely love it when I think it's a crazy name. Oh God. Oh Jesus. I get the feelings. This one's going to be perhaps interesting. Put your hands together for Bob-san. Bob-san. Bob-san? Whoa!

Right from the front. There he is, folks. What's up? Oh, God. Good so far. All right. Hold on. You get 60 uninterrupted seconds.

Put your hands together for Bobson, everybody. Right into the microphone, Bob. All right. I listen to this podcast a lot. That's it. Oh, my God. Fucking love it, Tony. Move closer.

Oh, shit. This is fucking weird, people. This is like the weirdest thing I've ever done in my whole entire life. I can't believe I'm doing it. I'm just gonna keep talking till the 60 seconds is up. God, when is that gonna happen? This is not funny. This is... Woo! I'm visibly shaking. Shit. This is gonna... Millions of people are gonna see this, right? 100,000?

60 seconds? Holy fuck, dude! Oh, God. Any requests? Oh, God. I got nothing. Chainsaw. Straight to chainsaw.

Wow. Bobson, that was the worst thing that's ever happened on this show. That is so bad. I kind of liked it. Oh, man. I enjoyed that. No, you stay up here. Get your ass back up here.

Stay up here. Get up here, goddammit. Who the fuck signed this guy up tonight? Who forcefully signed him up? He's clearly never seen the show or any show at all. He had no idea about the talking into the microphone part. To be fair, sometimes you get so high you become another dude. And that guy signed him up.

His stone self signed him up. It's not his fault. Bobson, what made you sign up tonight? Oh, my brother. He dared me to. He said he wouldn't let me live it down if I didn't. What's in your front pocket? What's in your front pocket?

All the baked beans? Good question. Ooh, just that sweet, sweet, empty wallet. You guys see me when I came in here. What? Bobson, you have to talk. When I go in here. Bob, listen.

Is it Bob Son or Bobson, you have to talk... When I go here... First, Bob, listen. Is it Bob-son or Bobson? Yeah, Bob-son. Is that your dad's name? It's like Zach Jackson, but Bob-son. So it's like a name, but a name. He had a sketch, and he didn't do it during his 60 seconds. That was the funniest thing you've ever said. What was that?

That's cool. Just a random other name. He's shit on stage, but at home, he fucking kills. I've never killed nothing. Bob. I mean, he is doing that. I'm killing it right now. Look at these people. Biggest fan.

Dude. Bob, you are something else. Get me out of here, Tony. What are you doing? Come on, dude. Biggest fan. Dude. Bob, you are something else. Get me out of here, Tony. What do you do? Come on, dude. Get me out of here. No. Let me go.

No, we have an hour left. I'm going to spend it all with you. You see me sign up? You see me sign Bob, son? You're like, this kid's getting up here. Bob, what do you do for work? I mean... I grow marijuana.

This is great. You do? Yeah. Wow. Must be good as fuck. Huh? Yeah. Wow.

You have any dreams and aspirations or anything? Get enough money to live outside of, like, paying money all the time? Live outside of paying money all the time? Yes, sir. That's the dream. You have to have the money to get rid of the money. That's how that works. Everybody knows that once you make that one certain amount of money,

you no longer have to pay for anything else. That shit is free. Just to have steady income. I worded it wrong. My bad. I got you. Fuck. Are you going to play the sad Hulk song now, Brian?

No, that's happy. No, he didn't even hit a button. This just happens when moments like this happen. That's the song you play when you've made so much money that you don't need money anymore. You'll hear that in your heart when the day comes. Wow. It sounds like solid advice. Can I say, first of all,

like, amazing balls for getting up here and for standing up here, because it's tough. It's tough. Give him a hand. For real. And also, like, there's something to be said for someone that can just get up and have a presence that's hilarious. Like, you making that face and you going, I got nothing, I found it hilarious. And I'm not dumping on you, man.

Like, you weren't deer in the headlights. You were just like, oh, where did I wake up? He was more headlights. He was just headlights. I'll give him that, man. That was great. Bob, before I let you go, do you have any special skills or talents or anything? Like yo-yo mastering, skydiving without a parachute, anything like that?

Nah, I don't. You don't have any hobbies? I see I'm not a... Shut up. Shut up permanently. Fucking idiot. I get blackout drunk and fight sometimes. That's pretty...

That's a special trick. You do? That's good for Boston. Yeah. You get blackout drunk and fight sometimes. That's a special trick. You do? You get blackout drunk? When's the last time you got into a fight? It sounds like you didn't win that fight. Whenever it was. My birthday. My birthday.

Last year. We all know when Bobson's birthday is, right? You know. July 19th. When's your birthday? July 19th. Where was the fight at outside of a Dunkin' Donuts? Every fight

in Boston is in some way outside of a Dunkin' Donuts. You guys have more fucking Dunkin' Donuts. I love it. I love Dunkin Donuts I'm allowed to say that now that the Monster Energy outbreak tour is over

what's your favorite Boston Cream see he knew that right away he didn't hesitate Boston Cream very good it was a hotel room

like a like a mile away from Foxwoods I'm done with you now Bobson everybody there he goes thanks Bob the end of Bobson

it was a hotel room? Jesus Christ. We're going to fight room 255 at the Ramada off Highway 9. What? Where would that be? Why not here outside the bar? I like fighting in hotel rooms. You should see Bobson's reaction right now.

All the color just went out of his face. He looks like he's about to throw up. It's awesome. Deep breaths, man. Good job. Good job. I go back to the bucket of Boston. Bucket.

Bucket. All right. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Live goes to Grant Miller. Here he comes. All righty. I mainly came out tonight to avoid listening to my roommate try and learn Blackbird on the guitar for an hour and a half. But at least it wasn't

a Green Day song, you know? You guys remember Green Day from middle school? Isn't it weird that Green Day's been around long enough to be everyone's middle school band? I'd like to get a Green Day tattoo, though, huh? Like that heart grenade, you know? I'd like to get a Green Day tattoo so I don't have to regret it when I'm older. I can just regret it right away. My current girlfriend is very upset with me right now because I've been referring to her as my current girlfriend. I think if you're a white parent and you name your daughter Asia, you're a fucking asshole.

I think the rule should be if you name your daughter Asia, you have to name asshole. I think the rule should be if you name your daughter Asia, you have to name your next born South America. Alright, that's gonna be it. Alright, 53 seconds for Grant Miller. Fuck yeah. You are by far,

by far, the funniest H&M mannequin I've ever had on stage before. Very funny, Grant. You've been doing stand-up a couple years here in Boston? A little over a year. A little over a year. Look at that. Your cheek just shook a little bit.

You're a little bit nervous right now, huh? A little bit. Ask Bobson what it's like afterwards. He'll tell you. Bobson was composed because he didn't know where he was. Grant, I love it. What's your story, man? You're from Boston.

You live here. You got beat up a lot from guys like Bobson. You and me both, Tony, would get beat up by Bobson. You and me both, Tony, would get beat up by Bobson. For those of you not seeing this cheek shake on Grant Miller right now, I mean, it is unbelievable. We've got to get you over this extreme... It's like Elvis Presley, but up higher. Now, do you always do that?

No, I'm very nervous. Oh, my God. My hinge clip isn't usually at the open mics. Wait, what? You're not usually at the open mics, I do. Oh, you are correct. Yeah. I didn't realize that I had this effect on people.

Man, so I love it, though. I mean, you're extremely talented. You're clearly, you know, like the next Michael J. Fox or something. Oh, yeah. Power of love. Don't need money. You saw that coming. You're like a psychic DJ.

Grant, what do you do for work? I'm a student. What are you studying? Advertising. How old are you? I'm 21. 21? Yeah. Wow, look do you do for work? I'm a student. What are you studying? Advertising. How old are you? I'm 21. 21? Yeah.

Wow, look at you. Where do you go to school? Boston University. Very cool. Yeah, you know, the one thing I can tell you for your set, I liked all the jokes. They were good. But you started out with a really long joke to start, and the other ones were shorter. It's better to kick off with a shorter joke, get the big laugh in the first 10, 15 seconds,

and then do that longer one a little bit later. But it was very good, I thought. Yeah, everything was really well written. I mean, one thing was off. Green Day was the band we knew in college, right? Yeah. But, I mean, come on. Well, for me, Green Day was my son's college.

It was great. Well-written stuff, but also stuff that connected on a real personal level with everybody. It was great. Well-written stuff, but also stuff that connected on a real personal level with everybody. I mean, like the current girl. I was like, that's one of those jokes. I'm like, how is that? I've never heard that before. That was like one of those jokes.

I love when a young comic writes a joke that's been in front of all of us all this time. That was solid. That was solid. And I love it when the guy from Boy Meets World looks like he's been through a microwave. I love your stage presence. Grant, you have a girlfriend? No, that's a joke, actually. Wow, so you really don't have a current girlfriend.

No. That's so funny. When's the last time you had one? Oh, it's since high school. Since high school? Brian Redman is in the motherfucking house. You guys used to dance to Green Day back in high school. I love that. When you're around girls, does your cheek start shaking like that?

Or is that just a stage thing no this is just a stage thing yeah when you're with the ladies you're super confident right it's straight faced maybe you should switch it maybe when you're on stage you should be calm and when you're with the ladies do your human vibrator thing that you're doing in certain situations yeah right not like eating thai food or anything like I don't know. Grant, you're fucking awesome. Other than being on stage and being sort of like in a situation that you're a little bit intimidated by, what else in life scares you? Pretty much everything.

Really? Like what? Can you give us an example? I'll give you an example of mine. Okay. I often fall asleep. I always keep my hallway light on, but I close my bedroom door, but that little crack underneath my bedroom door where there's a little bit of light,

like I always like fall asleep, like staring at it because I always am expecting to see like two feet standing outside of it. And I don't know what I'm going to do after that, even if there was two feet, but I always sort of like fall asleep, scared scared just staring at it. I think it's from being raised in a tough neighborhood as a kid. Alright, your turn. See, that's actually scary. To me, it would be like ordering at a coffee shop is scary enough.

Why? What's so scary about it? Are you afraid you're going to burn your face with the coffee? Oh no, this coffee! My face is shaking. I can't drink it Another thing you should do is that Jack Benny thing you're doing with your arm You shouldn't cover your body like that

You're saying I'm not really comfortable Just let it happen Let that blood flow so it's not all caught up in your cheeks It reaches your face Was it not clear I was uncomfortable on stage? Right. If the arm gave it away? Yeah.

Wow. Do you drink? Do you drink at all? Yeah, both cheeks are going now that the arm's down. This is the part. This is the part. It really is. It's getting extreme.

Maybe, oh, I don't know. Is there anyone that comes to the show that isn't at this moment, you're like, please, please, just let me on stage, please. It's funny. Or someone who's just like, I love it. This is the best. Normally the people that sign up for the show are happy when they get on stage. This has been like a torture test so far.

There should be like a swinging light bulb above his head. Welcome to the Guantanamo Bay chuckle hut, everybody. All right, Grant. I'll tell you this, man. It was fucking awesome. Really cool job. Great job, everybody. Alright, Grant. I'll tell you this, man. It was fucking awesome. Great job, man. I get the feeling one day you're probably going to laugh about this clip, and

other people will, too, because you're a great joke writer. Keep doing it. 21 years old. Boston's own Grant Miller, ladies and gentlemen. Come on. Kind of like a Melissa Esslinger, really. Oh, shit, the motherfucking

bucket is back. Who knows what can happen. Maybe we'll get somebody that wants to come on stage. Boston, you guys having fun? I pulled another name out of the bucket and that name

is Brianna Santos. Brianna Santos. Oh. The guy at the door made me put my name in there. He was like, you need to sign up. I had no idea. I'm really short. I'm like 5'2".

What a God. That really happened. It's a real thing. Oh, my God. So, I'm here, and I listen to you guys, and I'll tell you guys a great book. That's all we keep talking about. So, is my cheek shaking? I feel like it is.

It could be my butt cheek. Something's shaking. I had something to say because she was like, what if your name is something? And I was like, no. But then you know you start brainstorming shit. You're like, what if it is? And then you start thinking about things to say and I had like a bunch of shit to say. And I can't. Oh, conformist.

Oh. Oh. Right? Right? And that is exactly what I hate conformists oh that's it that's the whole thing that's all I want to say is I fucking hate conformists no one here is a conformist

Brianna I don't know what the fuck is going on right now Vinny did you force people to sign up for the show did anybody to sign up for the show? Did anybody here sign up without their own endorsement? Yeah, if you don't really want to do

stand-up, maybe just tell us before you go on stage. Signing up wasn't mandatory. Brianna, get in front of the microphone. None of you people even know what you're doing. I feel good about it. Boston, you guys are your own special episode. I want to let you know that. Oversized bucket with minimal results.

Clearly the smaller the bucket on this show, we should switch it. Can we get a small cup or something like that? Vinny, can you get us one of those cups next to the water? Yeah, that's exactly what we need. The next comedian up is what the fuck, why not? What the fuck, why not? Brianna, what's your story?

You ever think about doing stand-up comedy before? Constantly. And at the last second, you sort of decided. You thought you were going to give it a shot, huh? I did not. No, I didn't. No. I have no idea.

Oh, my God. What is this lady talking? Is this your girlfriend, Brianna? Yeah. Brianna? I'm a construction worker. Oh, okay. I guess that's a yes.

You're buried in the lead. I guess then, yes, this is your girlfriend. How's it feel to be in front of a lot of people like this? I feel like I'm in my Bristol Community College public speaking class. How did that go? Terrible. I talked a lot about the environment. Brianna, do you ever wear a hard hat?

I do. Twice a day. Twice a day? At work and at home. Is that code for like a strap-on dildo or something like that? Yeah. I'm a hard worker. Very nice.

All the best stuff after That's the wrong one That's the wrong one Brianna, you reminded me of a young Edward James almost funny I don't know what to say I really thought you were going to say somebody.

I was like, really? I remind you of someone? Yeah, like a Mexican Roseanne. Yes! Bro, can I say Roseanne is the only woman in history that was divorced by her husband. If I could be related to that, it's awesome.

Oh, you hate men. She had to pay him money. She had to pay him money. She had to pay him money. Usually women get money. Bill Barr hates that. He doesn't like that at all. She had to pay him money. That's amazing.

Yeah, because it turns out she didn't reach the amount of money needed to stop paying for it. She's badass. Roseanne's badass. Everybody loves Roseanne. Hey, Tony, I fixed the song for her. You want to hear it? Roseanne's badass Everybody loves Roseanne Hey Tony I fixed the song for her You wanna hear it? Yeah

I don't think It's Raining Men Was the right song for her What do you got? Go listen closely It's raining What is this? This is so

You're so stupid Six minutes of his time Went into making that moment You're so stupid. Six minutes of his time went into making that moment. Good job. Took a lot of work. Brianna, you're from the Boston area, right? What's your favorite thing about Boston? I'm from New Bedford. If anybody knows, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to move out of there. But I'm from New Bedford. If anybody knows, I'm sorry. I'm trying to move out of there. But I'm still alive. So that's it. That's good. Do you have any special hobbies or fun things that you like to do when you're not doing construction? My girlfriend's hairdresser calls me Joe Rogan's best friend. Why? Why does she call you Joe Rogan's best friend? My girlfriend texted me at work the other day,

and she said that my best friends are my TV shows. She was like, I think your shows are your best friends. TV shows? Like, I work so much, and I don't like people. Conformist, you know? Are you still watching Fear Factor? Yeah, he hasn't had a TV show for a while. I love Joe Rogan.

He's not on TV anymore. What's the theme from Newsweek? Game of Thrones and Joe Rogan. That's not on TV anymore. What's the theme from Newsweek? Game of Thrones and Joe Rogan. That's all I do. She's a hardball fan. I listen to Joe Rogan. I watch Game of Thrones. I love that.

That's my life. I'm with you on that. Yeah. All right, Brianna. That's my comedy career. I think it's over now. I mean, is it something that you ever wanted to do, Brianna? Is it something that you ever really wanted to do,

or you just sort of gave it a shot? I don't know, you know. I always felt like I was a special kind of person, but I haven't found that special purpose yet. Well, if you just keep signing up outside of random things, then I think one day you're going to... Next time you're here. I'm going to work on it. You'll be here next year? That could be your day you're going to I'm going to work on it

you'll be here next year that could be your thing signing up my whole life I sign up I will tell you this is that you handled bombing better than than Bobson did and you handled it better than Grant Miller did good and you handled this

better than his shaky ass so in the end, you can take something from it. Brianna Santos. Next time it'll be on purpose. What'd you say? You're giving out free flannels after the show? What is it with

lesbians and flannels? Why are you asking me? I don't know. How would I know? You had a choice. I am one of, not a lot of people know this, but I am one of the top young lesbian comedians in the world. Man, we knew. All right.

Your next comedian, uninterrupted 60 seconds, goes to Cody Griffin. Sometimes you just feel tired. You feel weak. You feel weak. comedian, uninterrupted 60 seconds, goes to Cody Griffin. So, a lot of times when I meet someone for the first time, they're like, Cody, that's my dog's name. Great. But, you know, he's usually a hairy asshole that lives at home with his parents. I do think that all dogs should be named after people.

You ever see an overweight little pug waddling down the street? Like, yeah, that dog's name's Steve. Or there's some Great Dane peering through your neighbor's curtains, creeping on you. There's Larry again. Some animals, you know, they actually change colors because of their diet. Turtles are green because of the grass they eat. Flamingos are pink because of the shrimp they eat. If that were true with humans, why aren't I like the color of OG Kush?

Or Sour Diesel? Or Blue Dream or whatever the fuck they call weed these days. Or more likely the six barley colored cans of PBR I've already had tonight. Thank you. Cody Griffin. There you go.

One thing that we're learning immediately is that sometimes it's more fun to watch somebody that didn't know they were going to get selected or try at all. I sort of miss the people that were like, oh, sorry to disappoint. Wow, I didn't even want to do this. I learned that this girl knows her weed because she was like, yeah, yeah. Real one, real one, fake one, real one. Did they just get marijuana here or something the other day?

I'm not even from here where you from i'm from key west key west key west florida and there is where you are making a living being the top half of a centaur if only you saw the bottom it would have been a waste if he was the bottom i was i was born with this sweater, yeah. Key West, Florida. So how long have you been up here? Only since I was forced to evacuate about two weeks ago.

Wow. You were forced to evacuate, and then it turned out to be a tropical two. How does that make you feel? Yeah. Anybody that's intimidated by what's going on on the shore right now, like, you haven't seen anything. Wait, what? I experienced the zombie apocalypse in Florida trying to get away from that storm.

Oh, yeah. How long were you in your car for? Three days. Three days? Did you have a problem finding gas? Because that's what I read the biggest problem. Yeah, that was the hardest part. People were getting in knife fights for it down in southern Florida.

Crazy. Really? Was Bobson down there? Could have used a straw. It would have been a lot more enjoyable if I had more weed in southern Florida. Crazy. Was Bobson down there? Could have used a straw. It would have been a lot more enjoyable if I had more weed in the car, honestly. So you decided, they're like evacuating, you're like, I'm going to Boston, this is it.

Yeah, well, my girlfriend lives here, so I had something to come to. Oh, look at you. Is she your current girlfriend? Yeah. Future ex-wife. Wow, you're getting married? Yeah, well well there goes current

are you marrying her are you engaged no no you just call her your future ex-wife because you hope that she's gonna say yes that's a stolen joke and I hope it doesn't get back to the person that wrote it I don't know what that means well by explaining it I think it's gonna get back to the person

here may I just jump in like I mean all of your jokes are kind of just like jokes that you probably I think it's going to get back to me. Here, if I may? Yeah. Just jump in. I mean, all of your jokes are kind of just like jokes that you probably don't even think are all that funny. They're okay, you know what I mean? But, I mean, then we started asking about why you're here and all that stuff. Like, I want to hear those stories. I want to hear about the knife fight for a life raft and a thing, little Debbie snack cakes or whatever you're going into. Had you come out right from the beginning and literally said, what's up? I'm not even from Boston.

I'm from Florida, but I got evacuated and I figured I'd come up here. Like, it's like all of a sudden we know what sets you apart. We know what, it's a better backstory than what did you start with? People call me a dog and I'm a hairy asshole. A lot of pet humor in my routine for sure right but the dog's name's a dog's name and the punchline was hairy asshole and you jumped right over it once you realized nobody laughed at it right you pretended like it wasn't even a punchline which is a minute a minute is tough what a minute is tough but it it can happen if you see listen to the

podcast you know that it can't. So what you need to do. No offense to the panel. I listened to the podcast for the first time today. When he did Letterman, it was four and a half minutes, and that sucks. But you just have to do it in that time frame. So instead of beating your head about it, just say, come out with something. But the essence of what you're doing, it's so much better to hear about your life and the deeper stuff than the surfacy dog asshole bit that, you know, nothing wrong with it, but it's much

more interesting. Yeah, I'll give you the best example I've ever known in my life. When I was in Chicago starting out, there's a guy on stage and he was talking about how Gatorade had a new flavor called Fierce Lime. And his whole joke was, what the fuck's so fierce about a lime? And this guy next to me who was older than me, who I really respected respected just under his breath went, yeah, that makes you mad, dude. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, you're right.

No one gives a fuck about a Gatorade flavor. Like, I don't think, like, you know, like when you're talking about, you know, what the colors have changed and you eat the different wheat, which is confusing. Because do you eat kush? I mean, unless you bake it in a brownie. You know, I make it into a fine syrup and put it on my pancakes. But, you know, like, I just, I don't, it's like, I don't think you care as much as having to evacuate. Like, that's, I want to see through into that window. What kind of car did you evacuate with?

What kind of car do you have? A piece of shit Nissan Altima. See, next time, instead of calling it a piece of shit, just answer the question first. And then you'll get a bigger one. It wasn't even mine, though. It was a friend's car that he wanted to get off the island. Still, you're not listening. And it was a chariot because it saved you.

You should just be like, oh, a Nissan Altima. That's what. On a donut. An Altima. An Altima. Is that a four-door? Yeah. We had a three-legged dog in the back seat, too. You had a what? On a donut In Ultima Is that a four door? Yeah We had a three legged dog in the back seat too

You had a what? A three legged dog? Whose name is Fenway coincidentally? Three legged hog Three legged hog we got a sitcom We actually have the dog on the podcast right now That's so stupid Ladies Ladies When I'm with you I'm smiling right now. That's so stupid. Ladies. Ladies.

When I'm with you, I'm smiling. You're all I wish I could want. Cody, so you've been banging your girlfriend a lot now that you've had to evacuate? You made it up here? Yes. Is that her blowing her nose right now?

Is that back creeping? That was just a sick person farting. Is that her blowing her nose right now? Is that back creeping? When people talk about her. That was just a sick person farting. Man. So you guys have been having fun? Absolutely. And does she live alone? Well, until now.

Right. But she lives alone and you're staying with her. She kicked the black guy out, right? Yeah. She kicked Bobson out. There you go. You got a laugh from Bobson's brother on that one. Bobson's actual brother.

All right, Cody. Well, you do stand-up? Yeah, we have a club. Well, I don't, obviously, but I help run the comedy club in Key West called Comedy Key West. And I help run the business club in Key West called Comedy Key West. I help run the business. Is it still there?

You help run the comedy club? Yeah. I do all the social media, all the photography, all that good stuff. Did you put plywood up on the comedy club before you left? Absolutely. Is it still there?

It's still there. But you know, even during the hurricane, at least three open micers showed up. Like, what happened? This isn't happening tonight? Your house got flattened, Randy. What are you doing here? You've got to do time.

If you're ever down there, come check us out. There's a lot of people a lot funnier than I am. Oh, we know. Has anyone ever told you they remind you of Conor McGregor if someone siphoned all the confidence out of him? No, I usually get the guy from Dexter. There you go. Oh, I see that.

There you go. Well, you didn't kill anything here tonight, Cody. There he goes, Cody Griffin. He's on Twitter at Comedy Key West. Wow, he really is. He's the guy that runs Comedy Key West. His Twitter handle at Comedy Key West. Wow, he really is. He's the guy that runs comedy in Key West. His Twitter handle is Comedy Key West. Underscore Grant, underscore Miller for Grant Miller.

And Bobson just wrote Bobson. He left. He's going to punch somebody. He's coming back. You did my joke. Okay, I'm really excited about this. This is another interesting name. Let's see what happens.

Put your hands together for Boston Big Charlie. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. How you doing, folks? I'm a time-traveling comedian from the 1980s. I would explain everything, but I don't got the time. It's great to be here in the greater Boston area. I went to my old bar.

Sadly, they changed the name. Right now, they call it Cheers. I was just glad, though, that after all these years, when I stepped in, everybody knew my name. You know, when you go to a bar, you can meet some interesting people. Like this one lady, she had a tattoo right below her belly button, but right above her vagina. And it read, VIP. And I was like, duh, it's members only.

You know, I wish all the bad places changed, you know. Back then, when you wore like a blue hat, you better had like a red jacket on. Because, but, if you try to put on all the gang colors of the rainbow, oh man, someone's going to be knocking boots with you. Man, you're not going to have any blood. All right, man? You know what I'm saying?

Oh man, you're going to feel more like a crip. Let me tell you something. I'm glad that the weed laws have generally changed. I remember if you're looking for your stash, man, all right. Wow. You want to finish it? Finish it, Boston Bake Charlie. Finish that joke.

When you look at that stash, what? Is that what you said? Let me just tell you, Tony Hinchcliffe. You know you're a pothead when it takes you longer to look for your stash than smoke your stash. You know what I mean? You're looking around. You're like, man, where is it? Wait, did I already smoke it?

Did you understand a word that he was saying? No. I could not hear it. All right, Boston Bake Charlie. For those of you listening to the podcast and not watching it, Boston Bake Charlie decided to do something a little bit different than the other people. He's still bombed, but he came in a disguise.

This way, if things went as bad as he thought they were going to go, he could just start again. And if things went well, I bet you would have ripped that beard off in a heartbeat. I'm like, oh, this shit's easy. My real name's Charlie Weingarten. But instead, you're Boston Big Charlie.

I don't know if this is an episode of Kill Tony or some type of Boston marathon of bombing or something like that. Yeah. Well, I... I think I am killing.

What's great about America is that we can laugh at a joke like that. Fuck those, what were they, Syrians? Yeah, I had to look across the crowd and be like, are they going to rush the stage? No? Okay, good. The only guy that looks Syrian is Boston Big Charlie, so we got him right where we want him. Charlie, are you going to stay in character? Can we talk to the real Charlie?

Take off the muzzle that kept us from understanding you. I am Charlie. Are you hiding something underneath there? Lipstick. Just my smile. Charlie, it's tough to understand you through the beard. Can you pull it down? A little bit. Wow, it's tough to understand you through the beard. Can you pull it down? A little bit.

Wow, you are hell-bent on maintaining the beard. Why are you in disguise? What do you mean, disguise? Oh, no. Looks like he's not going to break character today. You know what disguise means? You know, like, if I were to use it in a sentence, I'd be like, this guy's bombing horribly right now.

I'm excited about that one. Disguise. Alright, Charlie. Since I don't really want to talk to a character, I guess that's probably about it. There he goes. Boston Big Charlie, everybody. May all your dreams come true, Boston.

There you go. Whatever that was. Boston Big Charlie, everybody. May all your dreams come true, Boston. There you go, whatever that was. Boston Big Charlie, everybody. Don't be afraid to move the mic stand away from you and not hide behind it the whole time, Asa. And if it doesn't sound like you're being clear when you hear yourself, then nobody else can understand you either. Just a little something from a person with common sense. I will say Triple B really hit it with

six people in the audience who were like, yeah. Did you notice that? We were like, mm-hmm. I know what he's talking about. That was amazing to me. I speak beard. I love that you just called Boston Baked Charlie Triple B. Oh, Double B.C. I thought his name was Barley.

He's... His name wasn was Barley. His name wasn't Barley? No, it was Charlie. Because the beard, you heard Barley. Yeah. One more time for Boston Big Barley, everyone. Give it up for Barley. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for

Luis Diaz. Here he comes. He can't believe it. I think it's Luis. Luis Diaz. Here he comes. He can't believe it. I think it's Luis. Luis Diaz. Yes. All right, guys. I got a big ass head.

Most people are scared of the dentist. I'm scared of the barbershop. Sometimes I feel like a hot chick with huge tits. The reason is because I get a lot of unwanted attention, and I have to ignore it, because things usually go bad. I'll be walking down the street, and a group of people will be like,

damn, that dude's got the biggest head I've ever seen. And I have to be all classy about it. Like, I know they ain't talking about me. I just keep walking. And also, I mean, there's nothing I can do about it. I can't wear a hat. I can't wear a hood. I can't really hide it. So, and it's not like I turn around to the group of people

and be like, all right, guys, my eyes are up here. and be like, all right, guys, my eyes are up here. I've always wanted to be popular. I've always wanted people to know my name. It kind of sucks to be referred as the guy with the big head. Luis Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's jump right into it. Luis, when you wrote all of these jokes about having a big head, were you much, much, much skinnier or something?

I was, actually. Was this before the head reduction surgery? Everyone in your film probably has tiny, shrunken heads, and you think you're a big head. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I was a lot skinnier. And I'm from Jersey. I kind of thought of everything on the ride over here. So I had five hours, and I had to kind of focus and think of things on the way here.

So you wrote that on the way here? No, I just thought of it on the way here. Ten minutes into the drive, you went, big head, done. Yeah, that's all I got. That's all I got. Oh, yeah. But when you were writing the joke in your car on the way here, didn't you notice underneath the mirror that made you realize that you had a big head that it says objects in mirror are larger than they actually are?

No, I didn't notice that actually. Your head's not big at all. Not at all. It's actually really small. In fact, you probably have the smallest head on this stage right now. All of mine, for sure. If any of you can make fun of how round it is, perhaps, I would say that you could be Ernie from Bert and Ernie or something like that.

Like a little Mexican Ernie. I actually think I'm the only Hispanic person here. Anybody else? What the fuck? There you go, right? Wow, you just said the magic words to make that song happen. Yeah, nice. Yeah, I'm super nervous, but I'm nowhere near as high as Bobson was, so.

All right. Good attempt at a callback failed. That's all I got. Everything else, Bob. Anytime someone has one physical characteristic that they kind of harp on, more often than not, you'll notice that, like, this is a really good example because you don't have that big of a head, but like more often than not, it'll be something that people

don't really think about. I think my advice to you would be, like, find something about your personality or something that you really hate or whatever, and like work on, you know, do something about that, and just start telling a story. A lot of comedians do that, whether they're losing their hair or they're, you know, they're going to do a bit about balding, and really everyone can see that. That's on the surface,

and that's not the great comedy. Great comedy is what's inside. We all can see who you are, but what kind of person are you? And we don't know that. We know you're nervous because, like Cody, you have your hand in your pocket the whole time. Super nervous, yeah. And you have to move the mic stand. You've got to move it out of your way.

You're behind it. Immediately, it's a psychological weird thing where people are like, you're going to strip? What's going on? You have to get it out of the way. You know what's funny? No, we don't know what's funny. Please tell us. We have no idea.

I watched your show enough not to set you up. I mean, I had some other bits, but I literally get shit for it all the time. Who gives you shit for this? Just people. I think you have one tiny head uncle that's a real piece of shit. If JFK had your size head, he'd still be

president. No, he wouldn't be alive. Come on. Wow. Damn, I wasn't expecting to get picked for this. I know everybody says that too but I never got what they meant until being here in this moment right now.

And why'd you come up from Jersey? Do you go to school here? Why'd you come up from Jersey? I just really liked the show. I wanted to go to the New York one, but Skankfest was sold out before I found out about it, and I just said, fuck it, I'll just drive up, leave work early. Five-hour drive?

Yeah. Anything interesting happen on the way? No, my girlfriend fell asleep, and I just said, fuck it, I'll just drive up, leave work early and come in. Five hour drive? Yeah. Anything interesting happen on the way? No, my girlfriend fell asleep and I just... Were you running your jokes by her? Oh! Not at all. Not at all. Not at all.

Babe, I think I'm going to do this big head thing. Stop talking about your head. She was totally behind it. She said, give me head and you thought you didn't understand what she meant, ladies and gentlemen of the court. Your head is fine. Thank you. Can I get out of here?

You just asked to leave? I was just about to let you go, but now I mean... Everyone else just started walking off, so I figured I'd ask before... What's your favorite category of porn? Shit. Big head?

No. Oh, shit. No, it's... I like more amateur stuff, stuff that looks like it was just shot in somebody's bedroom. Really? Yeah. Wow. You have some fans of people that like amateur comedy, so...

Wow. What goes around comes around. Literally. All right, Luis, how old are you? 27. so what goes around comes around. Literally. All right, Luis, how old are you? 27. 27? Yeah.

And what do you do for a living in Jersey? I'm an EKG technician. EKG? Yeah, it's heart monitors. Yeah, heart monitor. Huh, that's interesting. You're just a technician? No, not necessarily.

It's just the simplest way to explain it. I do quality assurance, so I've been there like five years. I just basically check everyone else's work. Wow, look at you. Don't have to have such a big head about it. Luis Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. No Twitter, just Luis Diaz. It's all happening.

We're plowing through it. Fuck yeah. I can't believe how packed this is. You guys make us feel like so at home. Thank you so much, all of you, for coming out. We're having a blast. Fuck yeah. That guy drives from Jersey.

It's pretty good. Yeah. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Eric Monroe. Wow, you got a big pop. What's up, guys? There's no real leader to the Black Lives Matter movement. And there's a reason for that.

There's no real true leader. It's because nobody wants to get assassinated that's the actual reason but I need a leader to my modern day 2017 black guy problems like I need a Martin Luther King Jr. for today's

problems, my issues one day a black man can use his real picture to get an Airbnb. We have to use like a waterfall and shit. We should like, no matter what side of the issue you're on, we have to come together as America. As America, we have to come together and we have to decide, we have to make a decision. Are we swiping our debit cards or are we inserting them, right? Let have to make a decision are we swiping our debit cards or are we inserting them, right?

let's fucking make a decision here I treat it like sex here's what I do, I kind of swipe and then insert you know the move you know what I'm talking about but it's like it's like a skinny little white girl though because you can only fit like

just the chip. Just the chip was the last line there from Eric Monroe. There you go, Boston. How about that? Eric Monroe. Finally. Just like, by the way, let me say this so that he doesn't have to. He also had no idea that he was going to get picked out of the bucket for this.

Nobody knows. But there you go. You absolutely executed from beginning to end. Great premises. Thanks, man. Never heard anything about there not being a Black Lives Matter leader. It's a very funny, compelling thing that I haven't heard really spoken about loud, and I love where you went with that.

And the chip slide card thing. Fuck those chips, right? Shit that we hear about, shit that's part of our lives every day that quite often isn't exactly spoken of, and I think that's the type of thing that we all look for. How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half. A year and a half.

Really? That's it? Yeah. Wow. All here in Boston? Rhode Island. Yes. Rhode Island? Rhode Island.

Providence? Comedy Connection? Comedy Connection? Comedy Connection, yeah. I've seen you there. I've hung out with you after that. We did? We hung out before? We hung out after. Oh, wow. Sorry about that. Oh, boy.

Dude, we hung out for three days. You don't remember? Yeah, I mean, you've got a lot of confidence and a lot of presence. And that's what everybody looks for in a comedian, is someone that can just talk about whatever they want and you're going to want to come with them. You know what I mean? Like you didn't show any kind of like worry about switching from Black Lives Matter to ATM cards.

You know, like we're going there now. All right. Well, what about that? You know, it was great. It was great. You just changed gears, right? Like the material was great. The material was great and really smart.

The only thing is the nonverbal stuff, which a year and a half in, you know, you kept, you wanted to grab the microphone. You kept wanting to grab it. And that threw me off. I knew what you were doing. You need security there. Big fan. You brought a drink up on stage, you know, just come up with you and be able to, like on television, a lot of times the comedian will just wear a lavalier so they can do this.

But you have a mic and a drink and you're trying to grab the mic stand. Too much stuff to do. And it's because you're naturally nervous. When we all start, there's little twitches and stupid things that we do. Tony Henscliffe's usually not at the open mics. Yes, again. I know I'm not at the Boston open mics, you all can save

that from here on out I'm very aware that I'm not at Boston open mics Of all the people so far, you've had the most of my favorite kind of person that just comes on stage that's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you want me to be here calm down, I got something to tell you That's how every comedian

And everybody else should also take note. You got right to the joke. You know what I mean? Nobody really gives a fuck how likable or whatever the fuck you are. Just get into it, and that's the best gateway to convincing people that they're about to hear something funny. What do you do for work, Eric? How do you make a living? I do corporate team-building facilitation.

Corporate what? Team-building. Team-building? Yeah. What does that mean? I play games with adults. Corporate what? Team building. Team building? Yeah. What does that mean? I play games with adults. Do you like improv games? I travel around the country and do game shows

and stuff like that. Maybe they have a boring meeting and then I'll ask them questions about the shit that they're supposed to learn and have fun with them and just talk shit. You're very good. You're going to be a great comic. You already are. Thank you guys. Honestly, thank you. It's true. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Honestly, thank you.

Yeah, it's true. Let's just keep flying through it. That was a great, great performance. Ladies and gentlemen, come on! If you would have said Boston instead of Providence, you would have just gotten the biggest applause of your life. Yeah, well, Providence. And then everybody's like,

ah, the fuck out of here. applause of your life. Yeah, well, Providence. And then everybody's like, ah. Get the fuck out of here. Everybody wants their own Boston Little Killer. Who knows? Could be Vicky Porter. Vicky Porter. This ain't funny, so don't you dare laugh. Just another case about

the wrong path. Straight and narrow your soul is cast. I like her already. Yeah, come on, make some noise for Vicky Porter. Just another case about the wrong path Straight and out of all your soldiers Cast I like her already Make some noise for Vicky Porter everyone Woo Yeah So um I grew up in a city that was

90% white Yeah that's really funny I know But like so I was really funny, I know. But, like, so... I was really surprised when I figured out that I wasn't. You know, you don't know. But, um... Like, it messes up your racial identity

growing up in a place like that. So I'm basically the racial equivalent of a chocolate-covered marshmallow. On the inside, I'm white and gelatinous. Like, there are things that I feel like I can't do that a normal black person would be able to, you know? Like, if I give you a recording of my voice and you heard it say the N-word, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be cool about it.

Boom, Vicki Porter. 60 seconds from Vicki Porter. I just had one more punchline for that one. Go ahead. Do you want to do another one? Go ahead. You can't really have the Walmart skin with the Whole Foods voice backing it up. Wow. Yeah, we needed that second one. Oh, man. Vicki Porter. Remember that name.

Remember that name. That was awesome. Thank you. This is the first Kill Tony Live you've been to, right? Yeah. But I have seen you and hung out with you after shows that I've done in multiple cities. Where was that at? Oh, I've seen you in Boston a couple times, and I've seen you in Providence a couple times.

Right. Yeah. Wilbur Theater, Comedy Connection, all those things. Is this your first time doing stand-up? No, I've been doing it for two months. Two months. Jesus Christ, really? Yeah. That's awesome.

Awesome. That's amazing. But you're wearing the Kill Tony shirt. You listen to every episode? Huh? You listen to the show? Oh, yeah, of course. Right.

And do you think that listening to it a lot sort of helped you? Is it something that you've always wanted to do? You know, I was a musician before this, and I realized that it didn't really fit me, so I had to think about what I really wanted to do, and I realized that I love comedy, and so I decided to do this. And I found your podcast,

and it really just, listening to all the advice that you and Red Band and your guests give, it just really helps me out and give me confidence at least to at least start doing this. Fuck yeah. I love that. All right. So what type of music were you playing before? You sing or play an instrument or what?

Oh, is that you? Brian found one of your albums. I played a lot of jazz, really, like contemporary type stuff. I was a trumpet player. Oh. Yeah, like... I know! Good choice, right?

In 2000, whatever, to do jazz. That's really smart. But you gotta do what you love. Oh yeah, of course. Don't put it down. Yeah, like, no, I realized I was falling out of love. Like, I got accepted to Berkeley up here in Boston. Wow.

Yeah. The applause isn't necessary. I stopped doing that. It's done. You dropped out? I didn't end up going because it was like $60,000 a year. Yeah. Yeah, obviously I can't afford that.

I couldn't either. Yeah, when you put your hand in your face like this, yeah. No one will get you. That's the signal of not having money. But I liked you when you were walking, even just to the stage. You have such a personality, and it really shows. And when you do your stand-up, you love it. And when you love something, it really shows.

And the audience fell in love with you, too. Oh, thank you. You had perspective right away. Perspective is one of the hardest things for any comedian to find, is their voice and their perspective. And you had something that was genuinely your own. And, like, I hate, like, giving someone, like, a tip on how to do their joke. But I love your joke about the marshmallow.

But I think you should just say, let's just do, instead of saying inside I'm white and a pause, just say inside I'm white and gelatinous. As if that's what you meant, you know, not the difference between like, that killed me. And that's like such a wonderfully descriptive word for what you were talking about. I don't think I'm getting my point across, but you know what I'm saying. No, I know what you mean. Move slightly quicker and without the little stuff in the middle. You know, like you said, like, I'm from a neighborhood that's 90% white. You know, you never know.

You know, like you said that before you got into the next thing. And you don't need that connective stuff. And I didn't know if I was. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And you just be economical with your words and your rhythms. The non-verbal is as important as not. If you shake your head no sometimes

instead of saying no, the audience is forced to watch you. And you're so compelling that I think the less verbal you are, the stuff you take out will make it even more compelling. And I'll also say this. This is sort of a little bit like comedy

inside baseball, but from my perspective, like, I think there's a really, I think you have an extremely, especially for only being a couple months in, I think you have a really cool voice, because even though it's going to sound sort of racist, I feel like a lot of

black female comedians sort of have a different tone about them. You're sort of very, very, very likable and sweet and so many of them are powerful, like Leslie Jones and Tiffany Haddish. I mean, they're all so commanding and demanding where you're sort of

just like a little... Yeah, it's like a little... I'm a baby. Yeah, you... Come and get kissy. Yeah, it's like... Well, I mean, and I think that goes across, you know, all genres. Right.

It's obviously be yourself is what he's trying to say, but he's obsessed with race and that's Tony. Exactly. You know, you gotta let it go. It's because I was raised, it's because I was raised

in a neighborhood that's 90% black. Yeah, like we were, we were, you know, I grew up with a lot of Italians and stuff like that, so we really should have been born in the opposite, you know, yeah, I got you. Yeah.

The thing is, one of the hardest things to learn is how to be yourself on stage, and you've already got that two months in. You know, like you're talking to us now, and the way you talk is not that much different than, you're an exaggerated person when you're doing your stand-up, all of us are, but you're obviously the way you talk is not that much different than... You're an exaggerated person when you're doing your stand-up. All of us are.

Yeah. But you're obviously the exaggerated you. You know, certain people got up here tonight, and they're doing something, but they're not doing themselves yet. And it'll take them years to find that. And you're two months in. And you have it. You already have it.

Yeah. And you heard it here first. You're wearing the shirt, and you did it. Yeah, thank you. Kill Tony, Vicky Porter, everybody. She's on Twitter at 4th underscore and 20. 4th and 20.

I think it's because perhaps she likes football and pot. 4th underscore and 20. One more time for the lovely and adorable Vicky Porter everybody. Shit, there's only half a name there. Let's do this one that fell out.

Nick Crowley. Running from all the way in the back like he's on the prices right. That guy got up like he was on springs. He's got a fast jog. He was next door. Out of breath, Nick Crowley. Hey, thanks, guys. So I grew up with an old school dad. You know, like not one of these new age progressive dads Hey, thanks, guys. So I grew up with an old-school dad.

You know, like, not one of these new-age progressive dads that you can, like, talk to and stuff. Like, my dad uses military time. Imagine getting a text, meet me at the car at 0800 hours. Like, are we going to Grandma's house or are we going to go kill Bin Laden? Remind me which mission this is. Plus, my dad was never in the

military just bought a boat and started using military time just a big fan i guess we're part irish and part italian so every year around columbus day my dad will go on this big rant about how columbus wasn't spanish he was really italian don't believe what you read growing up columbus wasn't spanish he was really ital. Don't believe what you read growing up. Columbus wasn't Spanish. He was really Italian. That's how behind the times my dad is. He thinks people are trying to take credit for the shit that Columbus did when he got here.

I had to sit him down. I was like, Dad, that might have been a point of pride when you were growing up, but now he's kind of considered a genocidal maniac, so I don't know, maybe let the Spanish take credit. Thanks, guys. There you go.

Nick Crowley. That was great. Thank you for doing that before jumping into a phone booth and becoming Superman. Hilarious. But kind of an ironic hipster Superman. He's not going to help as much.

He uses his red lasers out of his eyes to read books. It's amazing the knowledge you can consume when you're Superman. Hello, Nick. You've been doing stand-up here in Boston for four years. Am I correct? A little less, but yeah. Well, whatever. Correct, Nick. You've been doing stand-up here in Boston for four years. Am I correct? A little less, but yeah. Well, whatever.

Correct, yeah. Three years and five months. Anyway, it doesn't matter. What do you do for work? I have a regular day job. Yeah, that's what I just asked you about. Finance. What do you do for work?

I have a job. Yeah. I work for a mutual fund company What? Mutual fund company That's what he didn't want to say right away Mutual fund Mutual fund The party started Very exciting

What's the craziest thing that's ever happened around the office At a mutual fun place? I want to know. How long have you worked there? I've been in the industry for like six or seven years. Wow. Craziest thing that's ever happened around the office. Yeah.

Is it like Wolf of Wall Street out there or something? No, it's just like... H&R Block. Yeah. I mean, people fucking each other pretty much is probably the craziest stuff. Wow. They just fuck each other? Are you part of any of these fuckings?

I'm not involved. I like the pause between people and fuck. People fuck each other and stuff. I'm not involved. Do you help them? Do you like, you don't like hook them up? Do you coordinate? I try to play matchmaker a little bit.

You do? So you're not an H&R cock block? I have a girlfriend, so I try to. How long have you had a girlfriend for? Coming up on seven years. Wow. Seven years. What do you think? How do you feel about that, Nick? The pressure's on, buddy. Wow, seven years. What do you think?

How do you feel about that, Nick? The pressure's on, buddy. Pressure's on. Wow. Seven years, there's not a lot of surprises left. So you guys still fucking? How often do you fuck? Once a week?

Dude, usually I send a Google Calendar invite. Bronger, that works, by to... Wronger. That works, by the way. I know you're... That works, because they have to... It's accept, deny, or tentative, so they've got to make a decision either way. That's not a joke.

I actually do send those. Really? But tell it on stage, because it's funny like a joke. That's a good one. It's sad. The stuff about your dad and the, you know, he wasn't even in the military. Yeah. Then there was another, you were setting that up for one more joke at least, and then you left it. So there's another joke, you know, the 800 hours or whatever,

and then, you know, find everything you can, what the military does, and at least write one, if not ten other jokes right after it. Because you did a punch line it was great then you did a setup and there was no punch line it was waiting for that right after there yeah my dad is the gift that keeps on giving so as long as he's alive i'll be good oh you'll have many jokes when he dies and you seem like a guy who lives with military precision more about like you know artisanal uh candles and handcrafted coffees and things but like you know what i mean but you could like you when they called your name like you popped up and you ran yeah i was looking for the quickest route to get to the stage very good you had it planned you know i feel like if zombies attacked you'd know

what window to get out you came here last night and made a little line and then you made it yeah he has weapons just laid just hidden throughout the room. Yeah. No, but I mean, I felt like everything you did was as crisply cut as the part in your hair. Like, you nailed it. And I mean that. Like, you really, like, you strode up confidently, and you got exactly into what makes you you. It was a great, great performance.

We're running out of time, so we're going to fly through you. There he goes, Nick Crowley and Prowse. Nice job. Should we do one more? You guys want to do one more? 30-second one. Should we do a 30-second one? Well, I don't know if they can do it.

We have two minutes. We have literally two minutes and a hard out. They're saying no. They're saying no, don't even do it. 30 seconds. Yeah, we have a 10 and a hard out. They're saying no. They're saying no, don't even do it. 30 seconds. Yeah, we have a 10-30 hard out. 30 seconds from Jack Ryan, ladies and gentlemen. It's not you.

Of course. No way. Of course. No fucking way. Go, go, go. No. Go. I'm up here now laughing at my brother earlier. So I was in the bathtub today, sitting

on my phone, and I was like, hey, maybe I could fuck my elbows. And I thought about that, it was a serious thought. And I was like, what's wrong with me? I probably need some help. Maybe a therapist? There you go. 30 seconds from Jack Ryan. Jack, did you fuck your elbow? Did you try it? I did not try it. I had to get ready and come here.

I had to see you live. By the way, for those of you that haven't been paying attention, that is Boboff's brother. All right. Where can people find you? attention, that is Boboff's brother. All right. Or whatever. Where can people find you? There you go. And he's done.

Jack Ryan, everybody. Thank you very much. We're going to honor our 1030 hard out because the Boston Comedy. Make some noise for the Boston Comedy Festival. Jim McHugh. Over there is the one who was smart enough to book us. Eddie Brill, Matt Bronger, what else is going on? I'm good.

I'm running around. I'm doing stand-up tomorrow night at the Ding Ho Show. The Ding Ho was the first club I got paid. Oh, yeah. I've heard of that place. I watched an old documentary about it. Bronger? Just go to mattbronger.com.

mattbronger.com, eddiebrill.com for tickets for that. tonyhingecliff.com for tickets for me. guestsquad.tv. We love you! Thank you. Real.com for tickets for that. TonyHinchcliffe.com for tickets for me. GuestSquad.tv. We are Boston. We love you. Thank you. Thank you so much, everyone. Go have a great night.

We love you. Kill Tony. Boston. Live. Live. Here, Kitty, will you take a picture of us? Thank you.