KILL TONY - KILL TONY #234

Episode Date: October 13, 2017

Tom Segura, Ali Macofsky, Pat Regan, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 10/09/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to a new episode of Kill Tony. Go to deathSquad.tv. That's the home base for everything Death Squad, including past episodes of Kill Tony and tour dates. If you click on tour dates, you'll see that we are all over the place. Death Squad is going to be at the Hollywood Improv October 15th with Joe Rogan. And then we're going to be having a Halloween show at the Comedy Store October 29th.

Then November 8th, Death Squad's going to Indiana at Morty's Comedy Joint with Kate Quigley and me and maybe a secret guest. November 9th, we're going to Columbus, Ohio, my hometown, at the Funny Bone. And then, just announced, November 10th, we'll be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the Arcade Comedy Theater. They have a new theater, a huge, big, nice theater. That ticket just went on sale today for that. So Pittsburgh, Columbus, and Indianapolis is coming up. If you want to see Tony Hinchcliffe's tour dates, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. He's all over the place. He's going to be at La Jolla Comedy Store and he has this big Australian comedy tour coming up November 22nd through the 28th. So check that out.

Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. Also, Ryan J. Ebeld draws every episode. You can go to his website, RyanJEbeld.com. He has posters for sale. He also has the past episodes that he has drawn. So go to RyanJEbeld.com. And last but not least, shopsquad.tv. That's the official

merchandise of the Death Squad universe, including the new Kill Tony t-shirt, which is almost sold out, so if you haven't got it, now's your chance. shopsquad.tv. Alright, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live

from the world famous Comedy Store Main Room. Give it up for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Here's Tony Hinchcliffe. Hi, everybody. How are you? Make some noise.

That's the Kill Tony band going and getting in character. Look, it's the great Josh Martin The newest paid regular of the Comedy Store Producer and sound extraordinaire Brian Redband's here everybody Put your fucking hands together

What is up guys Ryan J. Ebel the house artist Is in Texas And we are streaming on Ustream right now Yep And recording around the world, which is fun because I have a lot of fun tour dates coming up that I want to talk about

real quickly for our listeners in Australia. Lynx just went live today for the last week in November. I'm going to be spending Thanksgiving with you, Australia, in a country that has no idea what Thanksgiving is. November 22nd, Melbourne. November 24th and 25th in Sydney.

26th, Brisbane. And 28th in Adelaide. It's my second year in a row going there. I'm making my return to San Diego November 10th and 11th. Fuck yeah. Anything else crazy going on? I'll be in Indianapolis at Morty's with Kate Quigley on November 8th, and Columbus, Ohio, November 9th at the Funny Bone.

You know who else is doing a lot of touring? Our guests tonight. Every single week, I always have two of the funniest comedians in the world on this show, whoever's available that week, that is at the top of the game. And this week, we're going to do something a little bit special. We're going to leave one seat empty in honor of one of our favorite guests ever, the great and powerful Ralphie May. Yep. You can check him out on episodes 189, 116 and 196 of Kill Tony

116, 189 and 196 189 157 yeah 157 as well he did four of them 157 was live in Nashville Kill Tony live so our other guest is alive

we have a live guest as well everybody he's one of our favorite human beings. He's making his return to kill Tony. He's the king of the hats, the defending water champion, your mom's house's own, Netflix's own, our friend, the great Tom Segura, ladies and gentlemen. Come on. Yeah, baby. Come on. We'll leave Ralphie a lot of room. We should have left Ralphie two empty seats. Yeah, yeah.

That's not enough seat for Ralphie, but rest in peace, big man. Definitely. But I'll tell you who's not dying soon. You. I hope not. Thank you. Healthy Tom Segura. Yep. I might not. Congratulations. Thank you. Healthy Tom Segura. Yep.

I might live through the year. A lot of you may know you and Bert Kreischer and Joe Rogan and Ari Shaffir have all gone sober for the month of October. It's not hard. Yeah, I'm not a piece of shit. It's not hard. You don't really drink that much or do anything, right? No.

I'm not a fucking junkie loser. But the yoga's got to be hard. It's not hard. You don't really drink that much or do anything, right? No. I'm not a fucking junkie loser. But the yoga's got to be hard. You're doing awesome. The yoga is a struggle. Not drinking for a month. Wow. What a fucking challenge. How does the yoga make you feel? Yeah. It's 104 degrees. There were 60 minute options and our friend Joe insisted that we do 90-minute classes. Oh, my God. So he was like, it's 90-minute.

No, fuck it. You're not going to count. You guys said that you each have to do 15 90-minute sessions in the month of October. Yeah. And it's like, you know what it really is? It's a huge inconvenience is what it is. It is because here's the thing. In the classes, they're like, you should get here 15 minutes early.

And you're like, all right. So now your 90-minute session is – You have to drive to the yoga. You have to drive there. And then, by the way, when you finish 90 minutes of 104-degree yoga, you're not like, well, that was fun. And then you get like – they just lay here because you probably feel like you're going to die. And you're like, I do feel like I'm going to die. And they're like, just try to regroup, get your heart rate back down.

And so you lay there another 10 minutes. And then you kind of get your shit. So, like, the whole idea, the process of going to it, it's like a three-hour plus. You know what I mean? It's just a big part of your day. I don't know how Bert is holding up. But I'll tell you this. I'm excited because November 1 through 5, I'm going to be with Bert on the Impractical Jokers cruise to Mexico from New Orleans to Mexico.

And I cannot wait to see him put all the toxins directly back into his body. He will definitely be the next comic to go. So let's just jump right into it. We have a band here, Tom. We have a band? Yeah, we have a band. And every single week they commit to different characters. Maybe it's something from the news.

Maybe it's something goofy, an occupation. You never know what it's going to be. I don't know what it's going to be, at least. You don't even know, because you were backstage when I was up here. I don't know. But here they are, ladies and gentlemen, the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony band. Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, and Joel Jimenez.

Come on, make some fucking noise. Wow. Wow. That was really something. I can't believe that you guys are three magician transsexuals for this episode. Clearly you're going to be working in jokes throughout the show from a magician transvestite point of view. Are we boys or are we not?

Which is true. Wow. Very interesting. You got the blonde magician, the one with the hat, and we have clearly an Oompa Loompa magician on the drums. It's Chris Angel, please.

Oh, because he's Mexican. Chris Angel. Yeah, I thought that was going to do better. Magician jokes. Well, you guys know how it works. I have a bucket full of it works wait do they stay? oh they stay the whole time or do we disappear

wow that was good he turned into a lamp so before the show like I don't know 70 some comedians signed up for the opportunity to get 60 seconds on this stage this bucket here this creepy jack-o-lantern that was given to us from famous guest Ichabod,

who, for those of you that don't know, is a real-life ghost. Ichabod is my birth father. All right. So if I pull your name out, sometimes it's a completely, you know, amazingly talented young comedian that I pull out of the bucket. Sometimes it's an insane person. Sometimes it's someone's first time. Sometimes they've been doing it 30 years and they suck.

You never know what's going to happen. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. So annoying. Okay. That's good. He's so loud on the podcast.

That's what people just turn on. Totally just put on another show right at that part. Got to level eight your drops, bro. Actually, Tom, that whole track is not even recorded in the podcast. Oh, really? People complaining about that don't listen to the podcast. Yeah, that's track is not even recorded in the podcast. Oh, really? So people complaining about that don't listen to the podcast. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, snap. They don't listen to the podcast. This is a tech argument. They're just completely guessing that he's loud with the sound effects at the beginning during the whole part. He's way loud for the audience. All right. You guys ready to start the fucking show or what? Wow. Wow. I can't believe Jeremiah is this in character right now. He's so good.

I feel like I'm transitioning as I watch him. It's fantastic. Wow. Look at that. I didn't realize that. Oh, my God. Wow. He takes it well.

Wow. You're going through all your tricks all at once, huh? That is the exact circumference of my dick, too, so God. Wow. He takes it well. Wow, you're going through all your tricks all at once, huh? That is the exact circumference of my dick, too, so that's perfect. I'll tell you this. I pulled a name out of the bucket, and I'm pretty fucking goddamn excited about this, Tom. I really am. Wait, why are you excited? Well, there's a few reasons.

I always tend to say that anybody who has a one name is always an interesting character. Yeah, yeah. This one happens to have two exclamation points at the end of this name. I don't think this person's ever been on this stage before. I'm just gonna say it. It's Bunny! Alright.

That way, that way, that way. Alright. It's Magic! Bunny's here. Yes. I am Bunny. All right. It's magic. Bunny's here. Yes. I am Bunny. I just hopped here from Vegas. And this is a rap I wrote about my time there.

Everyone knows I got a heart of gold. The prettiest thing I am is dumb, but I'm a funny girl. In a city where you need to prove your worth before you get in, I'm tipping with Subway coupons instead of Benjamins. Chicks out here flashing titties, I'm flashing double chins because I ain't no model, I'm a comedian. I can't be taken seriously whether I'm onstage or off. Even while I'm trying to suck the chain smoker's cock, I'm a whiskey girl.

But I'd rather be putting down mushrooms. I chew them up with no chase of breath like a truck stop restroom. fuck dudes who look like trophies i never talk to them again they become my instagram groupies because the only man i ever actually loved his name is ronald mcdonald and he's been hooking me up with breakfast anytime i wanted cheeseburgers and fries resulting in these all-american cottage cheese thighs my best friend's a stripper who just lost her job. Now she's twisting pretzels at the fashion show mall. My next my next door neighbor is Is that it?

There you go. Breaking format of the show, Brian, so far today. Wow. Alright, Bunny. That was about as horrible as it gets. Tony. I'm not that upset. I'm not that upset that you I'm not that upset. I'm not that upset

that you... I'm not that upset that you wrote those lyrics. I'm upset that you memorized them. I mean, a first draft of a rap about a bunch of different stuff, that'd be okay. Is there any rhythm to that?

Do you hear a song in your head when you're doing that? Well, not when it's acoustic. Wait, what's going on? That's a good question. I like that question. off that'd be okay is there any rhythm to that do you hear a song in your head well not wait what's going on that's a good question i like that question no no no but like wait wait so when you said because you said in your raps that you said you're a comedian so do you like do you do sets regularly you do do you always do you ever just stand-up, or do you always rap? I do do stand-up, but I thought that this would be a fun, different thing to do on stage here. I was hoping maybe the band would come in with a little beat, but it's okay.

That is one bunny I would never work with. All right. I was going to say, yeah, Jeremiah, you need to shove her back into your hat. How long have you been doing stand-up, honey? Yeah, how long? I've been doing it for five years. Wow. Yeah, I started in Nashville.

You quit stripping five years ago. Wait. Oh, really? Nashville to Vegas? Yes. And then are you visiting here Or do you live here now? I live here now

Okay Yes And wait So I'm so So How often do you Do you rap

In your sets though? So my main thing is I'm a musical I do musical comedy Okay So you're a musical So I usually have tracks Okay

There's usually a beat behind it. Who makes the beats? But I thought that was good. Like, I'm sorry. You did? You thought it was? Yeah. You thought it was?

I think that there was a lot of funny in there. No. No. Really? None of you thought that was funny? Here's the thing. None of you. You have performance.

Like, you have confidence as a performer. I think you own that you know how to... It was obvious it wasn't your first time standing on stage. The song was all over the place, which is fine. I'm trying, yeah. You were crying and cramping in the 60 seconds, and I didn't know what was happening. I thought...

How many different rap songs do you have? I have probably like five. I have one about my gap tooth, my gap rap. I have one about my tiny hands. Oh wow, even the title itself is a rap. I got tiny hands. Yeah. I got one about

loving T-Rex. What was that one called? The one you just did. Oh, Live in La Vida Vegas, Live in La Vida Vegas. Live in La Vida Vegas. No, no. Those references don't work anymore. Parentheses.

That's okay. The bomb. I'm just pumped I got to come up here. Of course. I've always wanted to be made fun of by you guys. We're pumped that you're up here too. Bunny. I wish you'd been at that country festival

last week. No, I wouldn't have stayed for Jason Aldean. I would not have stayed for that guy. That guy's terrible. Hey, I thought you were supposed to bust balls here. I don't know what the fuck I've been doing. I was just joking around. I wasn't serious. Fuck yeah.

Bunny, what do you do for a living? What are we doing? I currently work at a warehouse Folding clothes Wait You work at a warehouse What kind of warehouse Seven jeans Yeah I work for seven jeans

I fold a thousand seven jeans a day Seven thousand You fold jeans All day. 7,000 of them. You fold jeans? All day. Wow. All morning. For like no money.

It's terrible. Do you ever rap about having the jobs of mentally handicapped people? That'll be next time. That'll be next time on Kill Tony. Bunny raps about... Why bunny? Is it always been for fun? Actually, yeah. People used to make fun of me because I had gap tooth. Bunny raps about. Why bunny? Why is that like, has it always been for fun? Actually, yeah.

Like people used to make fun of me because I had gap tooth. Like. You got to rap about it. Used to. My tooth front. Yeah. My two front teeth grew in

like way earlier than the rest of my baby teeth. And then my baby teeth all fell out all at once. All right. I got it. So. How long have you lived in Los Angeles?

Two weeks Oh you just got here Thank you for making such a great Making such a warm place Bunny So you got here two weeks ago What's your living situation like? What does a jeans folder that wraps uh um i live in east east uh la you do in property still and there's a lot you live east of

downtown yeah yeah i'm in the barbie bangers i started my own gang how do you like it? We just like rip off heads off of Barbies Hablas espanol? Si, si Say nada Can you rap in Spanish like Cardi B does? Don't suggest that Okay Bunny do you have any other like special skills or talents?

I can do the splits Is that true?? I can do the splits. Is that true? We all can do that. And I can do half of the alphabet backwards. Oh, wow. Just enough for the cop to be like, okay. I was sort of shocked when you said

the word backwards at the end. I thought probably your special skill was that you knew half the alphabet. You had me at alphabet. All right. Jesus. Bunny, you are adorable. I know.

Thank you. And we're going to see how far just being adorable is going to get you in Los Angeles. But it was nice to meet you. It was nice to meet you guys, too. Big fans. It was nice to meet you. It was nice to meet you guys too, big fans. It was nice to meet you. There she goes, the great Bunny. Give it up for Bunny.

Bunny with two exclamation points. She's on Instagram at Bunny Made a Funny. Bunny Made a Funny. Many funnies. Bunny Made a Funny on Instagram. That's her actual Instagram handle is Bunny Made a Funny. It takes balls to get up here. It also takes balls to make your

Instagram handle bunnymadeafunny when you didn't. Oh! I love this oh crowd we have tonight. It's been a while since we've had a very Jerry Springer-like crowd in here. Normally people just laugh. Oh shit!

Yeah, I know. Oh! Alright, back to the bucket we go. Can we talk, Bonnie? I have so much anxiety right now. What is the next? Alright, here we go. Quentin Thomas.

Here he comes. Quentin Thomas. Here he comes. Quentin Thomas. I am friends with a lot of girls. And I like being friends with girls because I don't think a lot of guys realize this. Being friends with girls is a very powerful thing. Because once that girl gets a boyfriend,

you learn a whole lot about that dude's dick. And then the first time you meet him, you have all the power in the situation. It's always like, hey, what's up? Nice to finally meet you, average size, but comes too quick. I'm originally from Huntington Beach, California, and the way I describe Huntington Beach to people

is like, you know how a lot of cities have problems with gangs, like Bloods vs. Crips? Huntington Beach has the same problem, except with Christian youth groups. Like growing up, once I got pushed and the dude almost ripped my Jesus is a Homeboy t-shirt, it's rough out on those streets. I'm a tall person, I'm 6'7". And people stare at me in public and it's really humiliating, so I'm trying to think of ways

to get back at people. So I think I'm just going to start dunking on them. My name's Quintin Thomas. Thank you. There you go. Exactly a minute. Quintin Thomas.

Quintin, why do I feel like Bunny is your mother? I wish. I don't know. What the fuck? Bunny! Bunny, you want to feed baby from milk bottle?

That dubstep shit kills me Bunny, you want to feed baby for milk bottle? Oh. That dubstep shit kills me right at my core for some reason. Okay. Please don't say you wish I was in a mass shooting. That would hurt my feelings a lot. No. Awesome. No, I don't wish you were in a mass shooting.

I wish you'd drown in Huntington Beach at an early age. How long have you been doing stand-up? You've been doing stand-up, right? For like three and a half years. Okay. All right. Yeah, I can tell. Quentin, so is that true?

Do you really make friends with the girls that you end up hooking up with? I don't hook up with them. Fuck yes. There you go. Are you a virgin? No How old are you? 23 Or is he? How many women have you had sex with? You really laughed at Tom when he asked you if you're a virgin

Even though you have the most virgin virgin head I've ever seen before. I mean, the last time I saw you was when you switched characters with Tom Hanks in the movie Big. Oh, hey! That was a great reference, people. Those of you just listening to the show, I just did what we call

nailed it. You do look fucking wholesome. Thank you. I have had sex with four women How many glasses of milk do you drink a day? Three One before bed Really? Is that true? Do you abstain from alcohol?

No Do you smoke marijuana? Yes You do? Yes What else do you do? Anything else fun? Do I do anything else?

I have a girlfriend. I hang out with her a lot. How long have you been dating her? Like two months. Pretty new. Do you find that the board game life is realistic? Do you? No, I do not.

You are so wholesome. Other than smoking pot and drinking, what else is something impure about you? You seem like a child. I don't really know. What's something extreme about you? What's the most extreme thing about you? Let me put it that way. What's the most extreme thing about me?

Go ahead. Good luck. Yeah, that's a tough one. Do you have a job? I do have a job, yeah. What do you do? I'm an Uber driver. You're an Uber driver.

You don't have a fucking job. That's very true, yeah. By the sounds of things, you have a very old Uber. What kind of car are you driving? Nissan Rogue. Shout out to Nissan. Big Rogue fan here.

Shout out to Nissan. One very happy Asian woman in the corner Man, anything crazy ever happen in your Uber? What's your rating? Like a solid 4.8 That's pretty high It's not bad I don't go below 4.8 I had a guy try to

Ooh la la, wow You're so picky with your Uber X's Brian Wait tell us what happened I had a guy try to fight me once Really? Yeah yeah In an Uber?

Yeah yeah What was he going to do hit you in the back of the head like McGregor Mayweather style That was apparently a strategy What prompted it? This was like a while back Well, it prompted it. Well, it was like, this was like a while back before they made you put the destination.

Ah, okay. Well, he put in the wrong destination. Ah. And then it turned into final destination. Yeah. Sound effects are really

killing me tonight, Brian. All right. Well, Quentin. Yeah. So then what happened? He tried to fight you in what way? Like, what was he like? He was, like, hitting the inside of my car and shit.

Hitting the inside of your car? Yeah. Like, what part of the inside? Like, you wholesome motherfucker. Like, that shit? He was hitting, like, the back of the passenger seat in my windows. With his fist? Yeah, with his fist, and then he head-butted the back of my seat.

Did you pull over? Yeah, I dropped him off. I completed the trip. I still won the money. What the fuck? Wow. Don't you feel like you could just implicitly trust him, though? Yeah, totally. A lot of people tell me their secrets.

I feel like if I rode in an Uber, I'd try to beat them up too. You seem like a really nice guy. Thanks, man. You've been dating this girl for two months. What's the craziest thing you've done to her sexually? Jesus Christ. First of all, let me say, good question, Tony. Yeah, go ahead.

That is a good question, Tony. I think she'd be cool. We had sex in my car. Did you charge her? That's how it makes it legal. That's how we met. You're going to think about Bunny when you fuck her next time? No, I will not.

No. How do you have sex in a room? You could totally get away with it. You could be like, bunny. And she'd be like, what? You'd be like, I fucking love bunnies. Like that. And she'd be like.

I think that would bring up a lot of questions, but not that one. Well, I don't know. When you had sex in the car, Quentin, where was the car parked? In a Ralph's parking lot. What? Oh, you nasty. No, it's just a guy named Ralph. He's nasty, too. And then I went in and got parking validated thereafter. They didn just a guy named Ralph. He's nasty too.

And then I went in and got parking validated thereafter. They didn't even know. That's kind of extreme. A Ralph's. Yeah, that is pretty extreme. Did you wear a condom? Yes. Was it a Ralph's bag? It was a Kroger brand condom.

Wait till you raw dog in a fresh and easy. When does the... Jeremiah Watkins. Yeah. When does the rubber come off? Like, in... Because you're a young guy. Like, at what point in the relationship?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had, like, unprotected sex. Oh, yeah. I love that that's what you call it. We've been calling it raw dog seven times.

You're like, I have had unprotected sex. I love that that's what you call it. We've been calling it raw dog seven times. I have had unprotected sex. So what's that like when you have that sweet feeling? What's unprotected sex like? Yeah, when you have that, what's it like for you? It's great. Mostly, Quentin. What's it like for you?

Like, what is, what's the, I know it's great. Wow. Good times. You're really doing what we call guesting it up right now. Great. Next. When you threw the condom out the window, did you say this is where the rubber meets the road?

Oh, look at the chancer starting for Joelberg. Why a Vance parking lot? Were you like... John, there are routes. It was a route. Did you get horny on the way to routes? Just couldn't wait ten minutes? Well, at the time I was in between apartments and she lives with

a bunch of people so we didn't have anywhere else to go. Damn, you know it's bad when Aphrodite is laughing at you like that. Alright, Quentin. Well, fuck yeah, man. Here we go. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. Alright, cool. Thanks. There he goes. Quentin. Well, fuck yeah, man. Here we go. Is that it? Yeah, that's it.

All right, cool. Thanks. There he goes, Quentin Thomas. Keep doing it. He's on Twitter at Quentin... Quentin Pikes? What does that say, Quentin? Quentin Jokes.

Quentin Jokes. Fuck yeah. Bad handwriting on that giant sixth grader. Quentin. Back to the bucket we go. How you doing over there, magicians? Good. Follow him on Instagram as well. Okay.

There you go. Alright. Oh, we know this young lady. She's been on the show before. Put your hands together for Jesse Johnson. Thank you. Think about me. I smoke cigarettes, but I hate the habit. I really want to quit, so a while back I switched to nicotine lozenges, which suck. Like, literally, you have to suck on them for 30 minutes until they fully dissolve.

And I'll tell you one thing. If I liked sucking on something that long, maybe I'd get an acting job over here in Tinseltown. Harvey Weinstein knows what I'm talking about. Topical! Okay. Lozenges. Even the name sucks. What am I supposed to say after I have some slam dunk sex oh wow i need a lozenge gross that's why i've been only having mediocre sex just skip the craving

which is weird because the only person i'm having sex with right now is myself keeping a real average maybe when I'm 30, I'll bust out those special moves and really lock this girl down. Does anybody hear smoke? Can I bum the smoke from someone? That'll make anybody happy. There she goes, Jessie Johnson with a new minute

Thank you Does he actually play? Good question from Tom Zagarra Does Jeremiah Watkins actually play saxophone? Oh, shit Whoa Wow. Unbelievable.

Jeremiah Watkins. Unreal. It never gets old, does it? Every single week. Wow. Unreal. Amazing. Beautiful, Jeremiah.

Last time I saw something blow that hard on stage, her name was Bunny. Oh, man. Cue special ed dubstep. All right, Jessie Johnson, step back up there. What are you doing? I'm going to be in the arc. There you go. So, Jessie, how long have you been on stand-up?

Five years. All right. Where are you from? Phoenix, Arizona. And how long have you been in L.A.? Since May. What do you do for work? I'm a personal assistant.

I work from home. Random jobs. Mostly bill pay. And I edit. That was a pretty good answer. Yeah. It's like you might hire her. That's a lot of stuff she does.

Yeah? Yeah. She has a long resume. Yeah. If her, yeah. Do you need your bills paid? Do you have a business card? No.

Is this your card? Wow. The first time I was on this show was, I was, I mean, magician. The first time I was on this show was... I was a magician. The first time I was on this show, I dressed up as Magic Johnson, and it was a Halloween episode. Is that true?

It is very true. I remember that. And it's October now. Boogity, boogity, boogity, spooky. Wow, look at that. For those of you playing Kill Tony Bingo, listen to what Jesse Johnson just said and match up your card.

So, Jesse, is it true that you're single? Yes. Have you had a boyfriend since being here? No. God, I haven't had a boyfriend in a while. How long? Maybe like two years. Why do you think that is?

Yeah. It's probably everyone else. I'm sure. I think I know a lot of guys that would like to get their bills paid. Yeah. Well. Yeah. I do too.

Not the first thing I look for in a man is being broke. Oh, you don't want broke? Okay. Have you been on any dates lately? No, I'm trying to make friends. Okay. Do you guys want to be friends? Do you go to shows?

Like, do you hang out at shows? Yeah, I go to shows almost every night. Magic shows? No. Not yet, but... mostly stand-up. And then I went to the Dresden last week. Uh-huh. That was the first bar I'd been to since I moved here.

First place I went out. Yeah. You had drinks? A drink. Oh, God. They were on a date. I was, like, the third wheel on a date. I was like the third wheel on a date. I don't know why I brought that up.

That's not really going out at all. The more we're finding out about this big night out, it's pretty depressing. So you're the third wheel. How long were you at the bar with them, if you had to guess? Ballpark. An hour. An hour? You had one drink?

Do you get drunk fast? Such a red band question. I thought the empty seat was for Ralphie, not Bill Cosby. What the fuck are you doing? Get over here. I mean, I didn't know. Is this like a cuck holding thing that you're on? Do you get drunk fast?

Rule day. Perhaps one of the grossest questions ever. So simple yet so fucking disgusting. She's so small, you know? Oh my God. All right. Now we're all fucking. Not getting better.

We're all going to have to go to the courthouse for this one. Hey, so the smoking thing, you know, you could you have something there. You just got to dive deeper into it. You know, I mean, like, like I was actually expecting when you said, what am I supposed to say? Like, what do you want a lozenge or whatever it was that you would have a second half to that. Right. So it's like the premise is worth exploring. Right.

But you just have to you have to go deeper on it. It was, you know, yeah, I guess it's a it's a funny premise. You just have to go deeper on it. I appreciate that. It's a funny premise. You just have to explore it more. Because a lozenge simply isn't as cool as a cigarette. Yeah. So then expand on that. Break down how lame that is. Jessie, can I bum a lozenge?

I stopped them. I stopped taking them. I'm smoking again. You stopped taking lozenges? Yes. Let me go back to this date. So they were at the Dresden for an hour. You're with them.

You each have one drink, or were they drinking a little bit faster than you? We each had one drink, and I was watching the levels of the drink. I wasn't sure if I was trying to be like a wingman, but I also wasn't sure if I should like excuse myself. So what ended up happening? How does it all end? Where did they go? Where do you go after the drag? Well, we were hanging out smoking and I said, well, you guys walking back.

Are you taking a lift? And they're like, we're going to take a lift. And it's like, all right, see ya. And I went the wrong way. Oh, I got it. Did you go back to have another drink? No, that would have been what do you weigh about? I just went home wrong way. Oh, I got it. Did you go back to have another drink? No, that would have been... What do you weigh about 110, 112? You were walking? Yeah.

And then you just walked home after having one drink? Yeah. Wow. You're about as extreme as fucking Quentin Thomas. Well, I used to party a lot in Phoenix. It's just I do shows every night. I don't... So when you had that one drink, were you kind of stumbling down the sidewalk? No.

I'm just new here. All right. Stick with the sound effects. So, Jessie, I'm going to ask you the Quentin Thomas question, though. What is, like, the most extreme thing about you? Be honest. Because you're, like, a giggly little, you're just like a little chuckler over there, a little ha ha ha ha.

Yeah. Tell us some wild shit. I used to be a, I used to be a truther, like a 9-11 truther. No fucking way, really? Yeah. Is that true?

Like I would, we used to meet up every Tuesday at the Phoenix Public Library. Oh my god, that's awesome. Wow. If you don't come back and do a fucking set about that, you're really missing out on something.

Yeah, because I've never talked about that. Really? What do you think happened to Tower 7? Well, we don't really know. Or do we? Wow, you still believe it, although. What was your angle on 9-11? Like, I mean, what do you think?

What's your biggest conspiracy? Because you said I used to be. Does that mean you converted? No, I... It just... You get so tired. You got tired? Yeah, I mean, we're never get so tired. You got tired? Yeah, I mean, we're never going to know. Right.

So, I mean, the group was, like, to get... Architects and engineers for 9-11 Truth, like, what really happened. And I used to be a big conspiracy nut, and it's just, like, you go down the rabbit hole, and you just never... Yeah? There's no answers. I think you mean the bunny hole. Bunny hole, yeah.

Wait, how about moon landing? I would love to believe that was staged. Do you... What about flat earther? No. What's the weirdest thing that you do believe? Well... Have you ever seen a ghost?

No, I used to believe in reptilian shapeshifters. Oh, wow. Fuck yeah. Wow. So how long have you been single for? What, two and a half years, something like that? Two and a half more. You sound like a bit of a mind freak.

Interesting. Man, Jesse, you're sort of crazy, huh? Would you consider yourself crazy? We're all crazy No, I know that, but I mean, I agree I would love to think I'm crazy But I honestly think I'm pretty awkward You're socially awkward is what I'm saying, right? Yeah

Alright, Jessie, well it was fun to have you on awkward. You're socially awkward is what I'm saying, right? Yeah. Alright, Jessie. Well, it was fun to have you on. Jessie. There she goes. Jessie Johnson, everybody. She's on Twitter at Jetski Johnson. Jetski, like the thing that you ride. All one word. Jetski Johnson. That was fantastic, man. That was fun. What a likable little

creature. I love crazy girls. She's adorable. Fun little likable shit. Yeah, Red Band's like, what do you weigh? 110, 112? Spinner. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Charlie Chase, everybody. Charlie Chase? Is that Charlie Chase?

Is that a guy? Wow, okay. Here he comes. The long way. Sorry, guys. It took me a minute. I had to take my jacket off and shit. It's a little hot out there.

Oh, all right. This is not part of my set or fucking anything. This is just a crazy realization that just happened. I want you guys to all witness this. All right, you ready? I'm going to take my hair down, and I'm going to show you how much I look like a creepy magician. You guys ready for this?

You look like my brother right now, man. Oh, I'm just going to get knotted up. Fuck me, right? No, I don't look like a creepy pedophile magician? Oh, all right, fine. I got a whole lot of other problems, too. I got some drug problems. Can't afford them. You know, anybody like cocaine? Yeah, dude, I found a great replacement for you guys, all right? It's called pre-workout. Trust me, trust me. If you guys don't know what it is,

it's like a powdered Red Bull. You're not supposed to snort it, but you're not supposed to pee in the shower either. Oh, shit, look at all these people like to pee in the shower, Tony. There you go, Charlie Chase. Hello, Charlie. Charlie, how are you?

All right. I'm just going to hold on to this. Oh, sorry. All right. Hello, Charlie. Charlie, how are you? All right. Hold on to this. Oh, sorry. All right. A lot of questions. Has anyone ever told you you look like Thor's autistic brother, S'more? I got the Thor, but autistic, no. It's true.

It's true, Charlie. You are one of the funniest amateur professional wrestlers we've ever had on the show before. Charlie, is this your first time here? Yes, sir. How long have you done stand-up comedy? I just started. 60 seconds ago? This is like my third time on stage ever.

Where were the other two? Fixing an amp for what band? Tony, this is my drum tech. I wanted to introduce you to my drum tech. Okay. When were the other two? When were they? Probably like a year ago.

I just wanted to get back into this. This is your coming back. This is your breakout party right now. We'll see what happens. We'll see. So you said you had pedophile hair. I had that realization when you put on that wig. I was like, damn, that kind of looks like me a little bit.

Charlie, let me tell you something. That's not the weirdest thing about you. Charlie, the weirdest thing about you is that your body and arms are three times the size of your head. Yes. You have a tiny head. I do. You're unproportionate. Fuck, now that it's...

You have the type of head of a guy that would never make any impact in show business whatsoever. Yes. Your head is... I've never told anybody this. We've been doing this show, what, four years and five months. I've never told anybody that they have a bad head for show business. Nice. But you have a bad head for show business. Maybe one of

these magicians can make it bigger or something like that. Have you seen the movie Beetlejuice? Charlie, what do you do for work? What strip club do you DJ at? I teach doctors a software program. You what? Yeah.

What? I teach doctors a software program. You teach doctors a software program? Yeah, we didn't have enough time to get into that. Wow. What kind of software do you teach these pot doctors? I put the VHS in for him, dude. The rest just sells itself, bro.

I might have a tiny head, but I got a big brain, dude. It's like a dinosaur, you know what they say. How long have you ran the online fan page for Creed? Wow! Ryan Redman! Holy shit! That was magic! This is the best goddamn show in the world.

It's so ridiculous that only a few hundred thousand people listen to every episode. It's so dumb. This should be a big show. Wait, so where in the south are you from? I'm not from the south. You're not from the south?

You just picked up that awesome accent from somewhere else? Yeah, I mean, I grew up in Atlanta, but I'm from all over the place. That would be the state of Georgia, my man. That's where you're from. You're a big deal where you're from, though, right? Aren't you one of the state of Georgia, my man. That's where you're from. It's pretty south. You're a big deal where you're from, though, right? Aren't you one of the kings of Leon?

That is true. So wait, you came up in Atlanta, but then where? Then moved back to New York. No, no, no, moved back to New York. Oh, wow, what was that? All right, there's a little echo in there, Charlie. A lot of what? A lot of what?

Oh, wow, you just turned into Kermit the Frog. How do you do that, Charlie? How do you what? A lot of what? Oh, wow. You just turned into Kermit the Frog. How do you do that, Charlie? How do you do that thing with your voice? When you're talking magic. What's that wrapped around your finger?

Extra hair tie. Hair tie. Hair tie. Keep the hair. All right. Shit, Jess. How long have you lived in Los Angeles, Charlie?

About a year? About a year Alright, alright, we gotta get back We gotta get back to the show part, guys This is where the misbehaviors have to be calmed down a little bit I'm sorry It was funny until the interview got super annoying So what was that answer? New York?

I thought that was a question before Can you guys do the repeater thing more? I was wrong. Sorry, it seems to have disappeared. Whoa. It was New York, hair ties, and then Atlanta. How long have you been doing the doctor's thing? Like two years.

What does that software teach those chiropractors to do? What does it teach them? I mean, it's like all... Actually, I don't want to say this, but it's all the document information that you've got to put in. So it's everything that you don't want to tell a doctor goes so the insurance can see it pretty much. Fuck, I so regret

asking more details about that. Such a sad answer. Would you play any musical instruments or anything like that? No. That's an assumption, though, from the hair that I get all the time. The saw. What do you do that matches your look? What's something about your life?

Are you a registered sex offender? Because that would... Ah, shit. I'm cutting it tonight. I would believe that. I think I might shave it. I might pull this. He's definitely not registered.

Are you planning on staying... Tonight? In Los Angeles? Oh, I was thinking about it. And doing stand-up? I'd like to, but I apparently have a really small head

and not good for stage time. I'm learning things here tonight. No, yeah. It'd be so funny if that's why he actually quit. It was like, Tony told me my head was too small.

That was it. What he says goes. Your head's unnerving, but you could... But the hair but you could... But the hair... If he does shave his head and shave his beard, he would have such a small head. I mean, that's like...

It's actually bigger than it really is. It's like when you shave your dog. It's an illusion. That's a really good point. Yeah, everybody knows when you shave around your penis, it gets smaller. What? That doesn't make any sense.

Because I have very small hair. What? What? What? Alright. So wait, should he shave or not? No. Charlie, how long have you had that hair for? This is probably three years. Does it get you laid a lot?

No, fuck no, dude. What do you mean? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Maybe you hook up with, you know, maybe you're able to find chicks in, like, you know, a place where they can't hear your voice. Like a loud music venue or something like that. And you're all just like, how are you?

Wearing out with me. And they're like, what? Hey, Tony. What do you? I think it would be a good idea if we did a dirty talk segment with this guy right here. Oh, okay. I like that. Let's do a dirty talk

segment with Charlie Chase. Charlie, give us an example of some of the sweet, sweet things that you would say to a lady. Oh, yeah. What are you going to do to me? There she is. There she is, Charlie. You better tell her. What the what are you going to do to me? Yeah, there she is. There she is, Charlie.

You better tell her. What the fuck are you going to do to her? I've been really trying. I'm playing this game, man. Look at me and say it. Charlie. Yeah. Dirty talk that bitch.

Dirty talk her. All right, baby. With that saxophone, going to get it nice and wet for you. Okay. Wait, wait, baby. With that saxophone. Gonna get it nice and wet for you. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Gotta moisten up that reed, you know what I'm saying? Okay, what else? Well, I came.

I don't know. Are you done? It's good. I don't know what you said, Charlie. It literally sounded like dirty talk through a wall or something like that. Charlie Brown. I'm going to make you so wet. Wait, I sort of like this.

Charlie, let's play it that way. You be the girl and Jeremiah will be Charlie. Come on, say something like a girl, Charlie, you dirty whore. Okay, Jeremiah, I've been waiting for you. No, call him Charlie. Call him Charlie. He's being you. Oh, all right, because I knew that.

All right. Hey, Charlie. Hey, do you care if I, like, finger blast you or something? All right. Do you care about finger blaster or something? Oh, man. That is the best impression of you ever. Yes. Nice job.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. I love Jeremiah Watkins more than anything in the world. That was so great. Wow. I think Jeremiah really likes you. I think you might want a David Coppa feel. You know what I'm saying? All right.

Charlie, it was nice to meet you, man. Thank you very much. Don't quit. Yeah, keep doing stand-up. Grow a bigger head. Keep doing it. Yeah, get to meet you, man. Thank you very much. Don't quit. Keep doing stand-up. Grow a bigger head. Keep doing it. Get a bigger head, dude. Work out your fucking head muscles, bro.

Thank you, guys. Get that head to the gym, dude. You need some HGH. We didn't even mention the fact that he came up here, first ever person in Kill Tony history, to try to video record his set. While standing in front of two live streaming cameras and a virtual reality 360 camera

right here in front of him. But he wanted to make sure he got it on his phone, guys. Send us your set later, by the way. Don't forget to send us your sets, everybody. You video record them and we'll put them up. You guys having fun out there yeah look at the comedians waiting every time they think it's gonna holy fucking shit when i see

this black thick sharpie marker it always and only means one thing, because this young lady always signs up in black, thick Sharpie marker, because she is the queen. And it says on her Twitter handle, there's no Twitter handle there, it says, my 62nd birthday. Put your hands together for Kill Tony legend Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. One of our favorite comedians on the show. Make some noise for Aphrodite. Hi. It's my birthday and I'm ready to act a motherfucking fool.

Okay. I want to talk about dick tonight. I want to talk about dick tonight. I want to talk about dick. And I want to definitely talk to you crazy ass women in the audience. You cannot, this is a PCA announcement, okay? You cannot control dick, ladies, okay? Am I right, fellas? You cannot control a dick.

A dick doesn't give a fuck about your religion. A dick doesn't give a fuck about your mom and what the fuck she's talking about, okay? A dick doesn't give a fuck about your fucking career, what time you're supposed to be at your fucking job. A dick doesn't give a fuck about any of that, okay? I guarantee you if somebody reach over right now and touch a guy's dick in here, the guy is not going to move, okay? Am I right, guys? The dick rules, okay, ladies? Understand, a man is not going to wait a year for you to plan a motherfucking wedding, and his dick is not going to move.

A dick can't even keep still 20 seconds, ladies. Not even 20 seconds, okay? Remember that. Fuck yeah, Aphrodite. There you go. Wow. Okay. Remember that. Fuck yeah, Aphrodite. There you go. Wow. Aren't you the sweetest fucking thing in the world? Yeah.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. That's fantastic. Happy birthday, Aphrodite. Thank you. It's really your birthday. Yes.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. October 10th. That's why I'm here tonight. I wanted to be here with all of you. I love you. I love you, Tony. I love the band. You guys have really made my you. I love you. I love you, Tony. I love the band.

You guys have really made my life. We love you so much, Alfred. Thank you. Is it really your 62nd? Yes. Is it really? I was born in 10-10-19-fucking-55. Wow.

Before they had lip syncing and shit. You know? That motherfucking lip syncing, they would kill you in the hood. You better not lip sync a motherfucking thing, okay? For real. Black people don't play that shit. You can do that with white people. Don't fuck around with lip sync with black people. They will fuck you up.

For real. For real. I'm serious. Vanilla was black. I believe you. Wait, where did you, where are you from? St. Louis, Missouri. Murder Capital. The shit's from Disney? All right. Black birds get killed every damn second in St. Louis, Missouri. Murder capital. Yeah. Black person get killed every damn second in St. Louis.

Okay. Wow. Okay. Aphrodite. Unless you got a big ass. You know what? A dick doesn't give a fuck who gets killed. A dick will fuck at a funeral.

Okay. Yeah. That's right. A dick will what? A dick will fuck at a funeral. A dick will fuck at a funeral. Yeah. We call that an open casket.

Aphrodite, over here. Listen to me. First of all, I want to ask you a question. What are you going to do for your birthday? Anything special? I'm having a little get-together at my house, and you guys are all invited. Oh, wow. Look at that.

Here we go. You got to bring weed, though. Don't fuck around. Show up without no weed. You motherfuckers that come to parties with no weed. I'm talking to you motherfuckers. All right. I'm pretty sure Aphrodite wants some weed for her birthday.

That's right. Top chef, motherfuckers. Indica, Sativa. These are your friends that are invited to your get-together tomorrow? I'll be choking as soon as I leave out this motherfucker. Wow. How much pot do you smoke a day, Aphrodite? Not a lot until I get rich.

Until you get rich? Yeah, rich all motherfucking day. How much are you smuggling in your ass right now? I got a pile in the grass in my ass. You know what I'm saying? It really is. There's really, I talk about it every goddamn time you're on this stage. But Aphrodite, I'm going to say it again.

There is nothing like your ass. I'm so glad that we are finally streaming in VR 360 because... Get up in that camera. I think now people will finally truly fathom at that angle with that fucking thing. Can they see my whole ass on the shot? Yeah, get up in there. Get up in there. They sure can.

I think they can see your... Because I need two frames. I think they can see your whole ass. It's VR fucking 760 right now. I gotta give thanks to my grandmother. She's gone. My father's mother. She gave me this incredible, everybody

grabbed my ass ass, okay? It's true. And I got my ass. She's passed away. Yeah, my grandmother's gone. She lived to be 96 years old. Wow. 96. Do people grab your ass a lot? All the time.

Ever since I can remember. I think I first got my ass grabbed in the motherfucking Woolworth store in St. Louis when I was about 16, 15, 16 years old. Really? Yeah. How about, when was the last time someone just? Well, I'm serious. I told this on the show already. Tony, this happened since I saw you last time.

I got my titty grabbed by a little boy on the bus. I had to check his ass. Oh! Oh! Oh, shit. What did he just do? That's a...

I've never given a hand to the stick before. Jeremiah with the magic stick. Amazing. That was a dick test. That was a dick test Look at that Wow Jeremiah is getting married next month And I'm pretty sure that's the closest thing to a lap dance Or is he He's exotic

We kissed with donut before You know on the show I remember that He's exotic. We kissed with Donut before, you know, on the show. We kissed with Donut. I remember that. Oh, yeah, that's true. He's exotic. You just called him exotic, huh? Look at him for a second. Aphrodite, and tell me.

What? You need a tan. Real motherfucking tan. Aphrodite, hold on. Just listen, okay? I need you to listen. I want you to look at Jeremiah, and I want you to tell me what you would do to him

if he was handcuffed to your bed. I would take his wallet first. me what you would do to him if he was handcuffed to your bed? I would take his wallet first. Oh, wow. Look at this. It's actually happening. Aphrodite, what else would you do to him? You'd take his wallet and then what?

Picture it. Look at him. I would put some marshmallows inside his dick because it's probably too little. What? That's how you do it? I'm going to still stop using it to that plantation fucking, you know what I'm saying?

Oh yeah. What does shoving marshmallows in dicks have to do with plantations? You shove marshmallows in dicks? Is that how your ass got so big? I got lucky two Mondays ago. The church guy came over and fucked the shit out of me. You got lucky charms. A church guy fucked the shit out of you?

Oh, man. From head to toe. He fucked your toes? Oh, hell yeah. He fucks everything. He fucks the furniture. How bad do they cut up his penis? He fucks the furniture?

Yeah. Is this a dog? He's a bad brother. Where'd you meet this guy? I met him in 2011. I actually didn't have a place at the time, and I was at at this internet place and he walks in. Wait, you were at the internet cafe? Yeah, on Wilshire, man. Okay. I don't know that one

specifically. I was just trying to... Yeah, you know I saw you, man. But anyway, he's a big muscle guy. He looks like fucking Black King Kong. I was like, what the fuck? After a diet, that's his name, right, Mr. Muscles? Yeah. Wait, wait, so you guys started talking at the cafe?

You met a black King Kong at an internet cafe on Wilshire? Yeah. I wouldn't talk to him at first because I knew his dick was bigger than his muscles. I'm like, oh, hell no, hell no. You knew he already had those sweet, sweet marshmallows in that dick. Yeah. I can spot a man with a big dick, okay? You can?

Yeah, I'm like fucking Rado. All right, who do you think? I can spot a man with a big dick. You can? Yeah, I'm like fucking Rado. All right, who do you think, how would you, if you had to rank the dick sizes of everybody on this stage from biggest to smallest. Oh, okay, okay. All right, let's start with the biggest.

Who do you think is the biggest? Joel, sit down. You're not allowed to pull it out. Sit your ass down, boy. Now, I'm going to take a wild guess because nobody would probably believe it, but I'm going to guess Tony has the biggest dick. That's what I'm going to guess. I would definitely believe you. I think you're 100% right. I'm excited to really hear who comes in second and third.

And, well, it seems like you got a little black in him, so I'm going to have to go with Ray-Ban. Yeah. That's number two? Yeah. I'd probably go with that, too. Yeah. And probably this dude here, right here,

he look like he got a little, little something going on. Ooh. Then I saw the rest of y'all, boom, it's over. How about the band? How do you rank the band dick sizes? Oh, shit.

Pat Reagan's got the biggest dick. Yeah. Oh, shit. This guy over here? Yeah, and then Joe, and then, oh God. That's Home alone right there. That's motherfucking home alone right there.

But he probably, the freak is he probably eat pussy better than all of them, I bet. Well, it's probably not the first time you would get your pussy eaten by a guy that broke out of handcuffs. You know, I mean, there you go. See, I would kneel, but, you know, I'll probably never get back up. Wait, can we go back to the internet fucking story? Why would you kneel? You know, you got to kneel. Because you're built like an NFL linebacker?

Them motherfuckers are sexy down there kneeling. Shit. I want to fuck them all. All the football players, them brothers. Oh, God, I know they got tremendous dicks in the football team. Oh, my God. Aphrodite. No. I'm serious, shit. I want to fuck a football player. Wait,

would you prefer a football? Oh, fuck, yeah. They would enjoy it, too. Football or basketball? They know how to handle some big kicks. Which would you prefer, a football or basketball player? I got to go with football because they got them tight asses. Them football players got them tight. Them brothers have the tightest Crunchy-licious asses, okay?

Would you let them put it in your end zone? They can put it anywhere they wanna put it Alright Is there anything Anything else you wanna say or do Before we let you go? Before you get to go enjoy your 62nd birthday? Well, can I sing a line?

You wanna sing a line? What, do you have a new song? Yeah, I got something I wanna Sure, go ahead It's a blues kick. Come on, Joe. Yeah. Let me tell you what I'm feeling.

I got to find me a man, me a man. Give me what I want. Yeah. Give me what I want. Yeah. I got to find me a man who understands how to give me what I want. Oh, give me what I want. You better give me what I want. Give me what I want.

Afro-Dainty. Thank you, Tony. It's my birthday. There she goes. Happy birthday, Afro-Dainty. Thank you Tony It's my birthday There she goes Happy birthday Aphrodite Thank you 62 years old ladies and gentlemen Thank you Happy birthday

I hope I have a spirit like that when I'm 62 I also hope I have an ass like that when I'm 62 Yeah Fuck yeah You're the best. One more time for the great Aphrodite. Oh shit. Have you guys ever measured dicks?

You and Red Band? Have we measured dicks? No. Was Aphrodite right? Was it one, two? She's probably about right. You've seen his dick, right? No, I haven't.

You guys have been hanging out for years. He tries. What kind of friends? He's seen police sketches of it. Do you show your dick to everybody? I haven't seen your dick. I've known you longer. But I mean, you guys are close friends. You don't put it on his shoulder. He's seen my balls the other day,

but that's about it. I didn't even really see them when you did that. I wasn't really looking. I was just hoping that you had your balls out. Brian put his balls on a guy on stage the other night. It was amazing. It was on the Legion of Skanks podcast. You guys should check that out.

They did a live show out of the Comedy Store. Everyone's talking about gun control. After Aphrodite, we need some bun control. Yeah. Back to the fucking bucket we go. All right. How about Chris Hurst? back to the fucking bucket we go alright how about Chris Hurst hell yeah how y'all doing my god

fuck yeah my god this is awesome fucking high right now shit Hell yeah, how y'all doing, by God? Fuck yeah. By God, this is awesome. Fucking high right now. Shit. I like drugs. I can tell most of you motherfuckers like drugs. Seemed like we just had to cast a full house up here a while ago. You see that shit?

Look bad. Y'all look bad. All right. Cocaine's good. Can't afford it. Economy's too bad. Do you know how bad the economy is, sir? Yeah, pretty bad.

I was supposed to say, how bad is it? Really, really, really? I was always supposed to say, how bad is it? How bad is it? The economy's so bad, every time I call my drug dealer, that son of a bitch is at work. You know? I did cocaine for about three days. That was eight months ago. I'm still behind on rent, by God.

You ever do cocaine for about three days, you think everything in your house is white as cocaine? You know, like, Bobby, don't step on that. What is that? What is that? That's just a fuzzy. That's just a fuzzy. All right. Chris Hurst. Chris Hurst. What is that? What is that? That's just a fuzzy. That's just a fuzzy. It's a fuzzy.

All right. Chris Hurst. Chris Hurst. All right. Well, there you have it. Chris Porter really fell off, man. This is... Has anyone ever told you you look like a live action

confederate monument? How Saturday Night Live has the balls to keep making cast members while Jeremiah does this every week? It's unbelievable. It's just a discrepancy in the matrix. That's a good one. That's the first time I've heard that one before.

Of course, yeah. Yeah. Of course. You probably don't hang out with that many top, top, top level comedians, right? I've hung out with a few of them. Or listen. Yeah? Where are you from?

I'm originally from eastern Kentucky. Eastern Kentucky. Yeah. Yeah. Man, that front tooth is gone as fuck, isn't Kentucky. Yeah. Yeah, so. Man, that front tooth is gone as fuck, isn't it? Yeah, it's fucking,

it's out of there, you know. How did it go? I got robbed one night. You got robbed for your tooth? Give me your fucking tooth! No.

I'm gonna wrap this fucking string around this doorknob. You stay right there. I got, like I got hit. Put your fucking wallet awaynob. You stay right there. I got, like, I got hit. Put your fucking wallet away, bitch. I want that, too.

Well, yo, I got knocked out, and then I was going to replace it, but my buddy says I look funnier on stage. Nah, nah. Nah, nah. What? Your friend's a fucking asshole, man. Listen. So I need to get it fixed, right? Yeah.

Was your friend the same guy that took your tooth? No. No, that's the difference. How long ago did it go? How long ago did it get taken? It's been about a year or two, maybe. A year or two? A year or two?

Give or take. A year or two. It's been a year or two. I was four. It was a lady named the Tooth Fairy. She came. Is your birth mother a can of tobacco dip? Oh, shit.

No, no. Yep. Oh, my God. Christ. All right, Chris. What did your parents do? I genuinely do want to know that. What kind of family do you come from?

I noticed that you almost started to smile when I asked you that question. I could tell there's something brewing here. No, my dad, he worked in the coal mines. Then he got hurt, and then he got on the pay. He got a check, and then my mom was a stay-at-home mother. He was on disability? He was on disability. Yeah. Then he got on drugs and stuff.

What's your favorite kind of sandwich? Turkey, ham, or bread? He got us and shit. What? What sandwiches? In bread. In bread would be his favorite type of sandwich. Got the good Kentucky jokes going. I like them.

Yeah, it's not really Kentucky. It's mostly you. Yeah. What about the choo-choo hat? You got your little choo-choo train? Yeah. I lost. Choo-choo.

I like it. I lost. What? Do you like trains? That's a sound effect you have? All aboard. Oh, my God. What? Do you like trains? That's a sound effect you have? All aboard! Oh, my God. What?

Holy shit. Do you like trains, though? No, I don't care much for trains. We had Aphrodite's caboose up here just a second ago. Kind of thinking of Pinky Blinders. You ever watch that show? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Usually I wear like a hippie hat when I wear down.

Okay. But I lost it because I got blackout drunk. I lose them all the time. Was that part of that English? What the fuck did you just say? I get blackout drunk sometimes. Oh, you get blackout drunk. And lose my things.

Yeah. What's your drink of choice? Whiskey? I like vodka. You like vodka? Really? I wouldn't have pegged you for a vodka guy.

Yeah, I like whiskey though and bourbon, but I'm an alcoholic, so any kind of alcohol will do, per se. Good. How old are you? I am 30 years old.

Okay. You don't look a day over 47. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, I've partied a lot, so put a lot of miles on this. Keep going, man.

Yeah. Fuck it, man. You still have a lot of teeth left. The rest of them is going to fucking, I don't care. I like to party. What's like the craziest night that you've had? We were burning crosses and all that. Oh, yeah. What's the craziest night that you've had? We were burning crosses and all that.

Is it true that you're the headliner of all the Charlottesville comedy shows? I think I did do a show in Charlottesville one time. Really? You did do a show? I've been doing comedy about four years. I used to do them on show in Lexington, Kentucky for a couple years. Wait, do you live here now? Yeah, I just moved out here about four months ago.

I used to headline out east, but everybody's like, you need to move out west because I'm a big hippie. You headlined out there? Yeah, I ran... Did you take the Oregon Trail on your way out here? There's always a lot of dolphins on that Oregon Trail. When you move out here, you're like, hey, I used to headline in Lexington, Kentucky.

Fuck you, buddy. We don't care. It's Lexington, Kentucky. That's true. That's true. Fuck that. So I got to just start and then go up. So I'm getting shows.

How long have you been doing it? How long have you done stand-up? Four years. I just auditioned for Showtime at Apollo. What? What? Showtime at what Apollo? The spaceship? The fuck are we talking about? No, I actually do cultural comedy.

Like, if you see my whole set, I don't do redneck comedy. I'm the opposite of Jeff Foxworthy, really. Really? Can we please have one example, Tony? Just one. Yeah, can you? Can you give us an example of your red, what would you say?

Oh, like you want me to do something I say? Whatever Jeremiah wanted. I don't know. I'm sort of not paying attention. Yeah, alright. So like how much time do you want me to do? Oh, do like a tight 30. One quick joke. Like, you know how Jeff Foxworthy does like you might be a redneck of boobity boo and he has like a catchy thing? You can do that.

I love it if he changes voices. I love black women. Hell, yeah. I can tell I love black women from a young age, because every time I went to Dairy Queen, I always got my cone dipped. And I'm like, Daddy got mad. And he was like, that cone's supposed to be white, boy. Around here, we don't dip our cones.

Get your fucking ass in the car. Wow. There you go. That joke just reminded me of one of my favorite nicknames for Aphrodite, Dairy Queen Latifah. I just wrote that right now in front of all of you. Can you imagine her ass and his tooth together? That is a match made in a DMV waiting room, if I've ever seen one before. Do you use that missing tooth for any, do you have any special tricks?

Like when you're going down on a lady or anything, like can you whistle through it? Without facing us while doing it. Can you whistle through it? I can't whistle, but like where I'm missing my tooth now, every now and then when I talk, I get a whistle in. Wait, you just said when you're missing your tooth. You're always missing your tooth. Like, is this a thing where sometimes you're, like, so deep you're, like, remembering it? You know what I mean?

Sometimes I'm missing my tooth. Huh? Yeah. That's some wild shit. It's offsetting. Yeah. I'm sorry. Like, the whole time I'm up here, I've been up here twice,

and literally the whole 14 minutes I've been up here, it's been about my tooth. Tom, Tom, I know you and Christina tried on those dentures you can get at CVS. Oh, the perfect smile. Yeah, it's only $12.99 or something like that. If you get the perfect smile, it goes over your tooth. Well, my lids are so big, it pushes it out. No one will care. People want to see it over that.

Everyone does. Get it. Or at least anything, like a piece want to see it over that. Everyone does. Get it. Or at least anything, like a piece of tape or something like that. Really, anything would be better than what you have, that black mass. I have some Orbitz gum if you want one. This is really a good confidence booster. You're funny as fuck, man. I love you. You're really a piece of shit with your fucking tooth going.

Do something with your life. No. God damn it. Get a front tooth. Could be worse. You could have a tiny head, too. Yeah. Oh, it could be.

Could be a lot worse. You know, it could look like Danny Tanner with no fucking humor, right? Right. I don't know what that means. Oh, I hope that guy didn't hear me. I think I heard his feelings. Somebody said, oh, this fucking crowd, the old crowd again.

All right, Chris. All right. What's like a, you know, what's your living situation? Right there, I live with a Hispanic family

in East LA. Oh, Joel, that's so nice of you. We're here, clear. I eat beans with every meal,

bro. How many people are living in this house with you? Is it a house, apartment? 13. Apartment? Apartment? I eat beans with every meal, bro. How many people are living in this house with you? Is it a house, apartment? 13. Apartment? It's 13 people. You're not serious.

Apartment, house, bedroom? It's a big house. It's a nice house. Yeah? Tom, what do you think about this? 13 people and him. Well, see, my buddy, he seen me do a show in Lexington. He kept on telling me to move out. I need to move out to L.A.

And, like, he walked into I was working in a shitty, like, restaurant in Lexington. And he's like, dude, you need to move to L.A. Like, you can move to, with my father and, like, in this big house stuff. So finally one day I quit my job. Wow, what is this story? I mean, what happened here? I just said, fuck it

and moved to L.A. to this, you know, house. So you live in East L.A.? You live in East L.A.? I just said, fuck it, move to L.A. So you live in East L.A.? You live in East L.A.? Yeah. You know, Bunny lives in East L.A. We can get together. Do you think those 13 Mexicans moved you into their house just so that they'd have somebody to clean up after? There he goes, Chris Hurst, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, good job, man. He's on Twitter, Chris Hurst, funny. Funny, funny and gentlemen. All right, good job, man. He's on Twitter. Chris Hurst, funny. Funny, funny, funny. We have a regular on this show, Tom. Fuck yeah, man. We have a regular on this show. Did you know that? There's a young lady that is 22 years old.

She just turned 22. She's been a regular on this show for over... 23? Yeah. She's 22. Yeah, there you go. Thanks for the always good correction, Brian. Every single week she does a brand new minute

every single week for the last two years. She's a goddamn phenom. We know her. We love her. It's the best. It's Allie Makovsky, everybody. Thank you. I look like I work at a fucking reptile exhibit right now. Want to know about the snakes? Yeah, I'm a prop comic now.

I wear shirts because I have no jokes. I have a new joke. I don't know how good it is. The joke is... My cousin's on a paleo diet, and he told me what the paleo diet is. You pretty much just eat how cavemen eat, which doesn't make sense to me because cavemen died at 22 of stubbed toes. What is he going to do next?

Start dragging his wife around the house by her hair? I would rather live like my Uncle John. He eats McDonald's every day and will probably die soon. Okay. I just found out today that great white sharks

don't eat for about three months, and I decided that I don't have the end of this joke. Wow, really? Yeah, I mean, I was just going to say, like, well, you're in L.A. I don't know, something hacky and stupid. Anyway, what's up with you guys? A new minute from Allie Makovsky. All right.

What's up with you guys? A new minute from Allie Makovsky. All right. Let's just... Yes, Joel. I was going to say Siegfried. I'm really sorry for what happened to Roy when we got there. Allie, I don't know what happened there. You had everything, and then you shit on your own self by saying,

I don't know, this is a joke. I don't know if anybody could say that before a joke. You really sort of showed weakness there going into the paleo thing and I think we all smelled it out. You know you did that? I mean, in the moment I was like, let's be transparent

up here. And then as soon as I did it, I was like, this is a disaster. No one likes me anymore. But you live and you learn. Yeah, you had them at Reptile Exhibit. You went to Paleo. What did they really eat with Paleo? It's like just meat? Yeah, it's just stuff that you would eat if you're a caveman, like stuff that you can gather,

like natural things. I was on a Paleo diet for like 10 years. I took Flintstones Chewables. Thank you. Well, how's life been going? You perform every single week on this show. I do. That was a new minute.

There's probably some more stuff you could get to. Paleo and this and that. But how's life? What's going on in real life? Life is good. I met a cluster of Englishmen on the street. Englishmen? And they invited me back to their Airbnb.

Whoa. Whoa. So I went. And? More like their Airbnb. Whoa. So I went. And? More like an Airbnb. It's a bunch of English guys? All right, fuck you. Do I need to remind you?

Why don't you just trust me? Yeah, me too. Oh, God. What's up, guys? I'm the new host. Wait, so what happened? This is all going bad. Did you do drugs with these English people?

No. No. It was very nice, though. They did have a line of Coke laid out for me, and I was like, such hospitality. Did you do it? And then they ghosted me and went to San Diego, and I haven't heard from them since. How did they ghost you if you were at their Airbnb? Yeah, so I was at their Airbnb,

and then I was like, you know, I should probably leave. It's four in the morning, so I left. And then they were like, let's hang out tomorrow night. And I was like, hell yeah. I showed up here at the Comedy Store. I was looking hot, waiting for their text. No text. And then they were like, we're in San Diego. Bye.

And I was like, okay. They found out her true identity was Cersei Lannister. Shame. Did they really say that? Were they really like, we're in San Diego, bye? No, I just thought. If you actually heard that, then

they probably weren't in San Diego. It sounds like they were right next to you just lying like, we're in San Diego. Sorry. No, one of the guys added me on. Well, I added him on Facebook. And then I saw that they were in San Diego. Wow. I knew that they were going.

I just thought I would get like a, this is fun. Whatever. What was your favorite part of hanging out with this house full of British guys? Did you have a crush on one of them? All of them. All of them. All of them. Eight of them.

What was this, Led Zeppelin? How do you have a crush on eight English guys at once? I mean, I don't know. Once you hear them talk, you're like, I got to see where this goes. And then one of them. You're like, all aboard. I always change the channel when I hear a British voice. Really?

It's gross to me. Oh, that's what BBC means. I thought it was a... Aphrodite is also a BBC, I do believe. Big black cup. Big beautiful chocolate. All right. Big British cup.

All right, Allie. Anything else in life happening? No, I mean, I started a job. Ooh, what's that? Well, I actually saw Tom there, but I didn't know what he was doing there. I started PA-ing on Jim Jeffries. Oh. I saw you at the building.

Yeah, yeah. And then me and all the PAs were like, what's Tom Segura doing there? He's such a good comic. And I was like, I can't wait to bomb in front of him on Monday. That's so cool that you got a job PA-ing on a real essential show. Yeah, how is it? It's awesome. Last week was my first week there and it was really cool to... Oh, ICP

was there. Oh, wow. Insane clown posse. And they gave you the look of all their fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was excited. Anyway, so that's my job, kind of all their fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was excited. Anyway, so that's my job, kind of, for now. How'd you get that gig? My friend

works there, and he brought me on. I worked with him at a different job as well. That's amazing. Sorry this isn't funny, guys, you know? Wow. You've been like, those British guys fucked up your confidence, huh? They really did. How do you let a bunch of British guys fucked up your confidence, huh? They really did. How do you let a bunch of British guys fuck up your confidence?

You're normally a rock star. I know. So the one that I was like, I gave this one guy a ride home off the street. On the wrong side of the... It was outside of this club, and he was like, how do I get a cab? And I was like, we don't do those over here. Maybe if you just go in the middle of the street and pray, one will come. And then I was like, you know what? I can give you a ride. You're hot and British. And you said that? I mean, no. Okay. With my eyes and my Subaru Outback, we got the job done. I take him to his Airbnb. He's like, do you want to come in? And I was like, um, of course.

So I go in and then he's like, I have a fiance. That's so nice of him to, you know, after you give him a ride in your Subaru, it's so nice of him to offer, you know, you, an innocent lesbian, into his house. Yeah, so then he had a fiance. That's why they're not fucking you. You know that, right? That's not true. If they know that you have a Subaru and that haircut, they think you're a lesbian.

Simple math. I'm sorry. But guys do this thing where they're like, oh, I'll make her not a lesbian. I'm like, surprise, I wasn't the whole time, but I'll still fuck. Wow. Look at that. But you'll only fuck them like scissor style, right? Yeah.

They're like, give me that spotted dick, you know? I have them do this thing from What's That Movie? I don't know what you're talking about. He does the man... Okay, I don't care. I mean, whatever. There you go. Silence of the Lambs. Thank you guys so much. Hey, everybody. Look, that's the regular, Ali Makovsky with another new minute.

An update on her life. She's got a real job now. We went, what, two or three months without a real job, huh? Got fired from a restaurant. She was a horrible waitress, and now she has a new job. That's exciting.

Should we go to the bucket one last time? What do you guys think? Make some noise for the great Tom Segura hanging out with us tonight. Water champion. Bites. All right. This is interesting. Perfect handwriting.

Pink pen. New name, I do believe. Put your hands together for Mina Q. Mina Q. Mina Q, ladies and gentlemen. Come on. So I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by getting my car repossessed. So shit's going good.

It's going good. I know you guys are probably looking at me like, she broke. Okay. And I'm not broke, but I'm close. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not at the point where I'm eating out of trash cans and shit. All right? But I am stopping people on the way to trash cans.

Like, hey, where you going with that? You just throw that away. I just got out of a six-year relationship with this bitch, and I don't know. I'm just at the point where I'm like, I'm thinking about putting my two weeks notice in. I'm just like, fuck this. I can't do it. I don't know who to tell, though. That's like an Ellen thing, but I don't know her like that. The only thing is, I can't really go back to guys guys because I get this really rapey vibe out of a lot of guys. You know what I mean?

Like Mexican guys. Mexican guys don't rape you with their eyes. They're like, ay! Orale, mami, ay. Is that okay? You can finish. Go ahead. And then black guys with mustaches. Black guys will rape you with their words like,

where the fuck you going with that fat ass? Like, oh my God. And then white guys with mustaches just rape you, so it's really shitty all around. Wow, Mina Q, making her Kill Tony debut. Where do you come from? Atlanta, technically. And you've been doing stand-up for how long? Four years, about.

It feels that way. It feels like a solid, good four years in Atlanta. How long have you been in L.A.? 20 years. A long time, like 20 years now. Oh, so you've done your four years here. That actually surprises me because you seem solid and you stayed in the pocket there and just kept delivering jokes.

Thank you. I try. You have great stage presence, very just kept delivering jokes. Thank you. I try. You have great stage presence. Very confident. Good stuff. Very funny. You're like Afro-litey or something like that. Afro-wifey.

Yes, we work on that together. We've got a thing going. Amazing. So, wow. You have such a natural... How often do you go on stage? As much as possible. I try to go out at least three or four nights a week

when I'm not at work. Where do you get up? I'm at the Ha Ha, and then I'll come down here. I do the Crack Them Up show. Just wherever. What do you do for a living? I'm a bartender. Where at?

At a place in Van Nuys called Carlitos Way. What's up with that spot? Shout out to my Latinos. Yeah, it's a lot of Latinos. I love Latinos, just not... Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, go ahead. Are they always spitting that rape eye at you?

Yeah, no, I do get a lot of aggressive. Not you, you're cool. That's all I wanted to know alright it's aggressive not the Mexican Gene Simmons back here

we're selling kiss caskets and kiss gumball machines aggressive looks like aggressive they're just

the guys there are just very like they're gonna let you know what it is type I just don't like the banda music like I can't handle the like music. I can't handle the

you know, I can't take that. I have a very low threshold. The what music? The one that's like that whole I can't. Yeah! They play that? They actually play that song at the bar that you work at? They play a lot of stuff that I don't want to hear.

I gotta be clear about this. That's mariachi. Banda's more like German polka, but Mexican. Okay, whatever it is, it's a fucking problem. Just get it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I can't handle it. You guys are having a real argument about this Mexican music.

I'm gonna build a wall between the two of you or something. No, we're good. Make sure it's clear. Mina, is it true that you just got out of a relationship with a bitch? What does that mean? Is that a woman? It was a woman. Yeah? How long were you with her? We were together for six years. That's a long time. Yeah. How long and how recent

was the breakup? Four and a half months around there. Will you tell us what went wrong or what happened? The truth always kills on this show. Let me just tell you that before you answer. The truth is, she was beautiful. She was young.

She had a right hook like Mayweather. It was a lot to take in. She was very physical. Really? Fisting? No. Oh, Brian. A lot went wrong. It wasn't all her. The thing is like i decided are you talking about in the bedroom or like you guys would have arguments in real life in real life or in elevators yeah i took on the role of like being the man in the relationship so i was like you know right and

that doesn't work getting beat up by a woman yeah. That's like the worst position to be in. So I was like, I could have been with a dude for this. So, yeah. Did she really clock you? She was good at what she did. Did you do things to deserve it, you think? You know, I question that. I think I'm allowed to ask that when it's two women.

I question that. Because there's no rules. There's no gay rules. Everything is like... It'd be funny if that question made it all the way to the Supreme Court is Tony allowed to ask a female lesbian if she deserved to get hit by the other female I couldn't do it if it was a guy no she was great

she's great can you give us an example of something you may have done to deserve getting punched I've always wanted to ask that question I don't know what was it? I've always wanted to ask that question. I don't know. I said breathing wrong. We just were very different.

We just handled things differently. When you said she has a right hook like Mayweather, does that mean you had to swing at her first for her to counter-punch? No. No. Wow, some real boxing fans in the room. Samina, you're an interesting, you're such a likable person, honest with your answers. Gotta be.

Is there anything you miss about your ex-girlfriend? Was the sex fun? Oh, yeah, we had great sex. What kind of sex did you have, like scissoring? Come on, Brian. That's just simple. You're just asking the first thing that comes to the front of your simple brain. Don't get drunk easy.

No, no, no. Don't do it just because. All right. Mina, have you always just been with women? No, for the last 15 years or so. You said I can't go back to men. So you've dated men before? Yeah, I did.

When I was in high school. They fucked that up because they punched dated men before? Yeah, I did. When I was in high school. They fucked that up. Because they punched like Mike Tyson. Yeah, yeah. That's funnier than the fucking other thing I said. What ethnicity was your girlfriend? Good question. Filipino and Spanish.

Oh, Manny Pacquiao. Yeah, exactly. Filipino and Spanish. Oh, Manny Pacquiao. Yeah, exactly. Oh, the Joelberg from the south end. I think that's the first time I've heard a Joelberg from the south end of the main room of the comedy store. I might have said too much here.

I might have said too much here. No, you didn't. She's great. We're just different. Yeah, your young Filipino ex-girlfriend doesn't listen to this podcast. She's going to hear this one, though. I have a feeling she might.

Mina, what else do you like to do for fun when you're not bartending or doing stand-up? What's your daytime activities like? Daytime? I'm like a regular chick. I go to the gym. I go to work. I do stand-up. That's like my rotation. You go to a boxing gym? I don't, but I should be. I should have a regular chick. I go to the gym. I go to work. I do stand up. That's like my rotation. You go to a boxing gym?

I don't, but I should be. I should have did that before. I wasn't thinking. Go ahead. Oh, sorry. Hello. Do you have any pets, such as doves? No, I don't. Would you like some?

Uh-oh. Yes. I'm afraid of what will happen next. She already knows what it sounds like when doves cry. Wow. That was actually a guitar riff from when doves cry. Sometimes I don't know how Brian does that. That's right. Amazing.

He's Red Band. Red Band. Red band. Red band. What did I do this time? Nicely done. All right. Mina, what scares you? What's your biggest fear?

Oh, okay. Your ex. My biggest fear? Oh, God. I don't know. I don't like paranormal stuff. That freaks me out. I can deal with some scary shit,

but I don't want it to be supernatural. Oh, wow. A black person that's not into the paranormal. No. Naughty boy tonight. Do you freak out at magic tricks and shit too? No. Like, oh, shit.

She's like, you devil, you demon motherfucker. Paranormal. Jeremiah, what do you got for her? Oh God. Thought it was going to make it rain or something. She flinched. Could have gone somewhere. There she goes, ladies and gentlemen, Mina Q! The debut of Mina Q!

And that was yet another episode of the number one live podcast in the world. Killed Tony with our guest, Tom Segura, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks, man. That was fun. Tom, what do you got coming up that you want to let people know about, the hundreds of thousands? Let's see. I'll be in Ann Arbor and Northfield, Ohio

and then I'm going to New York Hawaii, they're all at TomSegura.com You should come Fucking TomSegura.com, right? Listen to your mom's house podcast with the great Christina Pazinski who has a brand new Netflix special

coming out tomorrow. Tomorrow! Big part of our big family. Support mommy. Mommy jeans with the Netflix regime. I love it. The great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen. Look at him over there.

The future. The article. The monster himself. Jeremiah, go ahead. Follow me on social media, at JeremiahStandUp. And also, I'll be in New York City for the New York Comedy Festival with Stand Up on the Spot on November 7th. And The Wave from Comedy Central will be headlining the La Jolla Comedy Store on November 30th.

Be there. I love that. That worked out, huh? That makes me very happy. I love that. That worked out, huh? That makes me very happy. Patty Reagan has the only comedy albums that I ever listened to, ever. Those are all available streaming everywhere and on iTunes and everything.

Pat Reagan, what else? Check out the movie Miller's Crossing. There you go. He's plugging Miller's Crossing. Perhaps a new advertising deal he got through the good people at Miller's Crossing. Joel Jimenez. Joelberg. At Mostly Sorry, watch Nathan for you. I worked in the art department for this last season. Check it out.

Make some noise for Joelberg. Slinging heat back there. Patty Reagan. Jeremiah Watkins. I'm going to Australia, La Jolla, and so many other fun places. All those dates just went up today at TonyHinchcliffe.com. Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, and Adelaide. I sold out ten shows

last November, last time I was in Australia. I only have a month to do it. So you fuckers that are listening, you have to go now and buy tickets right now. Don't get stoned and forget. TonyHinchcliffe.com for those tickets. And what else, Brian?

Nothing else. See you guys later. Make some noise for the great Brian Redband. Josh Martin, the 360 team over here. Thank you so much, live audience. Have a great night. Thank you. Good night. How can you just We're going to take a quick break. Bye. I'm not a fool. Thank you.