KILL TONY - KILL TONY #237

Episode Date: November 4, 2017

Doug Benson, Ali Macofsky, Pat Regan, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 10/30/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winningning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca

Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv. There we have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes. You can also click on tour dates and get your tickets to see Kill Tony every Monday at the Road Famous Comedy Store. We're also going on the road this week.

Death Squad's going to the Midwest. Me and Kate Quigley and some special guests are going to be in Indiana, Indianapolis at Morty's Comedy Joint November 8th. November 9th, which is Thursday, I'll be at the Columbus Funny Bone, my home club in Columbus, Ohio. And November 10th, we'll be

in Pittsburgh at the Arcade Comedy Theater. Go to deskwad.tv and click on tour dates. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's tour dates, you can go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. He's going to be in La Jolla Comedy Store on November 10th and 11th. And then he's going to Australia November 22nd through the 28th. That's TonyHinchcliffe.com.

Ryan J. Ebelt, that's the house artist. He draws every episode. He's drawing the poster. You can get copies of all this by going to his website ryanjebelt.com and last but not least shop squad.tv that's the official merchandise of the death squad store and uh universe and they have the kill tony t-shirt right now there's only a few left so if you haven't got the first kill tony shirt now's your chance because when it's gone, it's gone forever. So get your Kill Tony shirt at shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is an adorable small mouse.

This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony from the real famous comedy store. Here's Tony Hitchcliff. Fuck yeah. Hello, everyone, and welcome. Make some noise for the great Brian Redband. Hey, what's up, guys? Dressed like a mouse today. It's the day before Halloween.

Ryan J.E. Belt is here drawing tonight's episode. Make some noise for Ryan. He's sitting there with a blank sheet of paper in front of him. He's going to draw tonight's episode. All those prints are available at ryanjebelt.com, including the official Kill Tony poster. You guys ready for a fun fucking show tonight or what? I know I'm excited.

I'm pumped. Very bright in here today. Do we have, like, extra lights on? Is this normal? It's like melting lights. Nothing. I think it's very normal, Brian. Really? I think you're just waking here today. Do we have like extra lights on? Is this normal? It's like melting lights. Nothing. I think it's very normal, Brian. Really? I think you're just waking

up today. That must be the speed weed that I just smoked. Yeah, maybe it's the weed that you just smoked. That we smoke every single Monday before every single show. Fuck yeah. Life is good. I'm going to Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, and Brisbane in a few

weeks, Brian. Fuck yeah. Tickets are at TonyHinchcliffe.com. And La Jolla, California, November 10th and 11th. I'm going to be in Indianapolis, Columbus, and Pittsburgh November 7th, 8th, and 9th. Or 8th, 9th, and 10th. And you know what else? I want to give a special shout out to a young lady who's been a guest on our show numerous times, someone who you and I personally have toured all of Texas with, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, a grinder.

She's been a guest on this show numerous times, and she was even the Iron Patriot one show way back years ago when some of our funniest friends would fill in and be a permanent co-host for an episode. And I'm excited to announce, I want to make sure, I want to make sure that I get this date right. Oh, you do? Yeah. Well, then I can say without a doubt that on November 11th, November 11th, Tiffany Haddish

is hosting Saturday Night Live, ladies and gentlemen. What the fuck? One of our very own peers and friends and extreme friends of this show is hosting Saturday Night Live. Fuck getting a role on SNL. She went straight to hosting. Queefing to SNL. There you go. SNL made a good choice hiring her for that role.

I love her. But what if hiring could be easier, more streamlined, and less time-consuming? So even when you're busy, you could still be smart about the way you hire. With ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards with just one click. So you can rest easy knowing your job is being seen by the right candidates. Then ZipRecruiter puts its smart matching technology to work to actively notify qualified candidates about your job within minutes of posting so you will receive the best possible matches. That's why ZipRecruiter is different. Unlike other hiring sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't

depend on the right candidates finding you. It finds them. You can even get a head start on the interviewing process by adding screening questions to your job post to help identify the most qualified candidates. So you don't have to waste your time sorting through stacks of resumes to find the perfect fit. No wonder 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site in just one day. And the easy to use ZipRecruiter dashboard lets you manage your hiring process from start to finish all in one place. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by growing businesses of all sizes and industries to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results.

And right now, the listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash kill Tony. That's ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KillTony. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash KillTony. One more time to try it for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash KillTony.

You guys ready to start tonight's episode? Nobody has cooler ad reads than we do. I'll say that first of all. I remember listening to Stern as a kid, and I think I like our way more. Very organic and natural. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week we have one of the funniest comedians

in the world on this show. This week's no different. Put your hands together for one of our favorite guests, the great and powerful, you know him from everything, getting Doug with high. Doug loves movies. The High Court on Comedy Central. Chronic Con.

Put your hands together for our friend, the great Doug Benson, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Come on, make some noise. It's motherfucking Doug Benson. Yeah. Yeah., make some noise. It's motherfucking Doug Benson. Yeah. The great and powerful. Doug, welcome back to the show.

You've been a guest on the show, I think, about ten times. Sounds about right. I like it. Four years, five months, ten times. How do you get free ZipRecruiter? What do you have to do? One more time to try it for free. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash KillTony.

I love it. Have you been doing any hiring? No, and I was kind of behind the curtain there looking at all these folks going, who's hiring anybody? I thought of a cool nickname for you earlier. I almost put it in the Instagram post, but I decided not. I want to see if you've heard it before, because I feel like you've heard every great pot smoking nickname. Maybe.

I don't know. Has anyone ever called you Vlad the Inhaler? Oh, I do like that. I thought it was cool myself. That's a good one. Obviously, our crowd's a big fan of Smoking Pot tonight. Wow. The comedians. Let's just jump into it. You know how

fun the band is now? They commit to characters every single week and we never have any idea what they're going to do. This is Halloween times even. I know. This is going to be pretty extreme. But I don't want to raise the bar too high for them. They're my favorite band in the world. You know them. You love them. The one missing piece of this stage

before we get this whole thing off is the Kill Tony band, the best damn band in the land. Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. Wow, what is... Oh, they're dads. Wow. What is... Oh, they're dads. Wow. Oh.

Thank you. All right. So... Okay. No, you can go over there. There's scissors in that apple. All right. So we got some trick-or-treaters here. And it appears as though Pat and Jeremiah are young fathers with babies in, what do they call that?

We're single dads. And we got our plates pretty full. And there's not even enough stools up here for us. Life's tough out there for a single father. Wait a second. This isn't my baby. Oh, wow. Just drop the baby off. Drop the mic.

Wow. What the fuck? Hey, Jeremiah just left the stage. Hey, Chris, what's up with that? Hey, hey, hey, Dad? Dad, look what Doug Benson gave me. An eight-year-old trick-or-treater. It's an apple with scissors in it.

Wow. I sort of gave that away when you showed it to me. Tony mentioned it already. I sort of blew that one for you. I didn't realize you had a produced sketch coming up. What I love about Doug, can I just... I found my baby. Oh, there it is.

Wow, look at that. Is that the new tenor sax? Yes, it is. Whoa, this is the debut of a brand new saxophone Jeremiah just bought himself. I'm excited. You know what that means. All right.

Pretty good. Who knows it? Working out the kinks. Took a little warming up there, huh? It's much bigger than the old one. It's a lot bigger, more breathy. Wow. Man. Can I just say to your other single father over there,

I really respect the fact that he has an open can of Modelo in his back pocket. Oh, thank you, Tony. You're welcome, single dad. You guys ready to start this fucking show or what? The band is here. The bucket is filled with names. If you don't know, human beings sign up for the chance to perform 60 seconds

on this stage. This bucket is filled with random fucking names. Anything can happen. Sometimes it's a great up-and-coming comedian. Sometimes it's just a horrible, sad thing. Sometimes the show can get sad. And you're watching a person

who will never have a chance in show business that's trying, that thinks, and sometimes, I don't know. I just want to let you know that. That sometimes, while sometimes it can be so much fun, shit might get sad at some points tonight. You're going to know when it happens. You're going to be like, oh, Tony's sad. You guys get 60 seconds if you get pulled, Tony's sad. You guys get 60 seconds if you get pulled out of the bucket. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty.

Isn't that adorable? Wrap it up then or I'm sure going to bring out the Angry West Hollywood Bear. Wow, it gets dumber every week. There you go. You guys ready to start this fucking show or what? It's Kill Tony. Live.

Main room. Comedy store. I'm excited about this. Can we get another Tito's and soda for Doug in advance? Oh, thank you. You see, you normally put a razor inside of an apple, but I'm so high I put scissors in the apple. Cuts to the core.

But it helps for carrying it. That's for damn sure. The apple. It's got a handle on it now. Alright. How does that work? Wow, okay. This is interesting. It's a one word name. I love those. I can't remember if this person's ever been pulled out of the bucket before or not.

So let's see what happens. Your first comedian or human performing 60 seconds for you tonight goes by the name of Fanto. Thank you, guys. So I recently found out I'm getting older because Facebook's stressing me out. Like, I got a brother in prison for life, my grandma's dying, and I think my nephew's a faggot. But Facebook's stressing me out. I remember when Facebook was, like, for college students where you could use it as a website to talk to the cute girl in communications class. Now it's a competition between friends and family

over who can post the most awful shit before lunch. My aunt posted the most awful shit. She posted a video of that Asian lady who gets mauled by a tiger in China. Have you seen it? She gets out of the car. She sees a tiger. Tigers Asian lady who gets mauled by a tiger in China. Have you seen it? She gets out of the car. She sees a tiger. Tiger's like, you better get in. She stays out, and the tiger eats her.

I was shocked. I was like, I can't believe even tigers hate Asian female drivers. Yeah, they never turn on their blinkers, and they drive with large visors on, but she didn't deserve to get mauled by a tiger. At least not to death. That's it. Thank you. Oh, boy.

Fanto. Fucked up. When I said it was going to get sad, I didn't think it was going to happen that quickly. Go ahead and give him the apple. I'll eat it I'll eat that fucking baby apple Alright, Fanta, let's talk about it What did we find out last time you were on the show?

You did some kind of crime or something, right? What did we find out? I allegedly stabbed someone in college But it was allegedly I thought he was going to say his set Fanta, what do you do? I'm a Ly driving substitute teacher. Allegedly.

What subjects do you substitute teach? Whatever, like math, history. Like, I don't teach it. I just... Whatever was my favorite class. I just stick around if the teacher's not there. I don't care about the kids. I just... I think this is

what happened last time. You said too much about this and you got upset about it. Nah, last time I was high as shit. Now I'm sober and I bomb because I don't care. Let me ask you something. How long have you been sober for? For four hours.

What'd you do four hours ago a lot of weed that's it yeah but then you cleaned yourself up yeah got your life down here tried to do a sober set and you're mad at yourself for it very mad did you write it when you were high i did i did and then you tried to perform it sober it doesn't work work. It's like tests. If you study high, you gotta take the tests high. I get nervous fucking sober. I get nervous. You get sober when you're fucking finding parking in this fucking bitch. Hey, watch your language around my kid.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Well, you don't got earmuffs? Just earmuff that. There you go. Oh, don't smother it to death. Fanta, what ages do you substitute teach for with a potty mouth like that? I don't cuss at the kids.

It's the start of a monologue right now? I just, high school, middle school, L.A., Unified School District, Burbank, Hollywood. How often do you do that? Couple times, maybe a month. Wow. Here we go. Wow. How are you guys?

What's the lesson plan usually? Just shut the fuck up and sit there? Yeah. So crazy thing about high school kids is like if they're fighting, you can't touch them. Like you have to scream or or somehow get in between them. You're legally not allowed. What's your method? I just kick them.

Wow. Nothing you think is funny. Not in my house. It's funny. Whatever you think, when you're improvising, here's some good advice that I don't think I've ever given anybody before. Sometimes four years and five months of the show hosting it, you can find something new to tell somebody. And here it is. Every time that you think about doing something or like committing

to something, do the opposite. Like that kick thing. I don't know. Maybe something opposite of that. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry, I mean George, learned that if he did the opposite, he'd succeed if he ignored his own instincts.

I'll do that. I'm not going to. I'll try to do that, but I'm not fucking. The opposite of what you wanted to say? Let's try it again. So let's see if my theory even works. We saw you go, I fucking kick him like that, which isn't. That wasn't funny because it's A a it seemed like you were being serious.

Like we all pictured you actually kicking high school kids. And to like the way you did it, it felt like you were trying to be funny. So let's try it again. Let's do the same question. OK, do the opposite of the kick. I can tell you're already setting up to do the fucking kick. I'm not going to do it. You're not listening to anything I'm saying right now.

You're moving the mic wire. You're like, okay, let's do it. Take it from the tongue. Double kick. Double down, man. Double down. Pro wrestling drop kick. I'm going to fucking show Tony how the kick works.

No, no. All right. So let's say those high school kids are fighting, Fanta. What do you do to break them up? I just walk away. Again? Again? All right, let's try it one more time. All right, let's do it one more.

All right, so let's say the kids, and by the way, I'll give you a hint here, Fanto. Okay. The honest answer is always the funniest. Yeah. So let's try it again. That's the honest answer. Let's try it again. Fanto.

Okay. Let's say high school kids started just now fighting right in front of you. How would you break it up? Hey, stop fighting, faggots. That's... So bad. No, that was funny. That was funny.

No, it was Red Band's sound effects that got the laugh. Not you. Red Band was on it. That was... I mean... That's what it sounds like, though, when you get laughs, the ones that Red Band just got. If you're wondering what it sounds like though when you get laughs, the ones the red band just got. If you're wondering what it sounds like, it feels like that. I mean, that's what I want to do because I don't care

about them. I don't care about it. What's the deal with that? It's a show about nothing. Hey. I got nothing. What's up? Anybody ever do anything like this before? I give your act three yadas.

Fanto, did friends and family or somebody, how long have you been doing stand-up? Seven years. Seven years. Oh, man. Oh, boy. That's usually funny because I lost my breath and I didn't know I was going to get picked first and blah, blah, blah, but that's usually funny. How would you know you were going to get picked first? Is there normally some demon witch that comes up to you before the show?

You will be pulled seventh out of the randomized bucket. I didn't know I was going to fucking get picked first. Fucking kick. All right, Fanto. It was nice to see you again. Thank you, thank you. It was really awful. Anything else for Fanto, Doug?

I don't know, maybe less kicking Less kicking Thank you guys There you go He's a good guy, though Oh yeah, don't say faggot Yeah It's 2017, you know

Yeah Oh, daddy There aren't that many rules in comedy But that's a pretty strong one right now 17, you know. Yeah. Oh, daddy. There aren't that many rules of comedy, but that's a pretty strong one right now. Hey, Tony. It shuts down a room pretty fast. I just want to say, as a father,

I think Fanto's a funny guy, and I think that he should keep going, and my only note as a father would be to adjust your attitude. Is that guy a father? That's my boy Daddy Reagan right there. All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Steve Turner.

Steve Turner. Steve Turner. Steve Turmer? Oh, no. I don't see any movement. Steve Turner. Blacklisted. Oh, poor Steve. How about Aria Wings? Aria Wings? Hold on, hold on.

Aria R-Y- on, hold on. Aria R-A-Y-I Blacklisted. Why do people... They get scared. People get scared... Hold on a second. Final boarding.

People get scared when the first person sucks. Because then they're like, what if that happens to me? You're probably not as bad as Fanto. Don't be scared. Oh, we know this guy's here and ready. One of our favorites on this show. He's known for his enormously, hilariously douchey Instagram. He's with you here right now. Put your hands together for the great Kevin Mac, everybody. Here he comes. One of our favorites. Kill Tony legend, Kevin Mack.

Ha, ha, ha. Come on, put your hands together for Kevin Mack, everybody. Bought my plane ticket home to Detroit yesterday. Really excited to go home. It's going to be fun. Got me thinking about my childhood growing up. It was tough being the only white guy in a black neighborhood. But what most people didn't know is that I'm actually half Native American.

My mother grew up on a reservation in Missouri. And then about this time every year I would tell my black friends that I'd be leaving for a couple weeks, that I was going to the reservation. And all my black friends would be like, white people always got reservations for shit. I'm like, no, that's not what I meant.

But it was cool you know I was the only white kid in school but being the only white kid in a black school is like being the only retarded kid in a school they would give me props for shit that normal people just do fuck yeah Kevin Mac Is that true?

Where did you grow up? Detroit Detroit Yeah In an all black neighborhood All black neighborhood The only way You're not from the suburbs

No, I grew up in the projects Really? Yeah Cass Corridor What? I don't know what that is Look it up He seemed honest

He seemed like like all honest stuff he was talking about. And I liked it. Very serious. And it's good. And it was pure stand-up. And I think we can now immediately start talking about your Instagram account. This is the mean insult I thought of after Zach.

Don't quit your Instagram. Definitely don't quit your Instagram. Never, never. Because I've heard that's amazing. It's unbelievable, Doug. Have you been on with him on this show before? I'll explain it to you. Have we been on together before?

No, no. Okay, good, good. Pleasure. Mine's not too bad. So excited. And this will be fun for the few of you maybe that don't know or haven't seen the show before. But we found out once that Kevin Mac, how would we describe this? You're an Instagram sort of like model, inspirer type of person or something like that?

Maybe you could call him a Mac Daddy. Okay. I'm a solid Insta douche. I own it. I'll take it. Get a real job! Get a real job! Get a real job! Is this a promo for Daddy's Home 2?

They call it social media personality. Now, one of the things that we learned, we looked it up one day on the show, and we ended up finding out that one of the things that you utilize on your Instagram posts on top of, you know, very douchey pictures and tone and

lighting and really tint and brightness in every single way you are truly the king of the douchebags. Thank you. But what we found out was that your hashtags are, I get them almost every day. People will do a funny thing where they'll comment in something like

hashtag blessed, hashtag man love, and all the shit that you do. Because he hashtags everything in order to get more followers. Yeah, it works. This one is so gross. Wow, look at this one. That's a new one from, what is it, September 25th.

When's the last time you were on the show before that, right? So this is a new post. Clearly you're not learning your lessons. It's September 25th. When's the last time you were on the show before that, right? So this is a new post. Yeah, that's new. Clearly you're not learning your lessons. That's... All right. Now, who's the guy on the other side? Like, you cut out.

You cropped out. No, that's a couch. That's a couch that looks like a man. All right. So I'm going to read the... I'm going to read you what it says. You see the picture, and what he wrote there was, I think shirtless. I think wrote there was I think shirtless.

I think shirtless. That's how he thinks. That's where you have your best thoughts, huh? Apparently, yeah. Apparently on September 25th he thought this, Kevin Mack. Apparently I don't think things through when I'm shirtless. That's the issue.

My goodness. And look at you. Truly, I mean, you are clearly a good looking guy. How old are you, Kevin? 38. What is right? Who said that? That is right. What? Yeah. Alright.

So this is the part where we read you the hashtags. Now, I already told you that the original Kevin Mack said, I think shirtless. Now, you might think there's a few hashtags after that, right? Maybe a couple. I'm not exaggerating. This isn't some pre-written, pre-produced thing like the old scissors and the apple with Chroma Chris earlier.

So here's what it says. Hashtag man. That's the first one. That's man. I am a man. Hashtag model. Hashtag male model. That's a different hashtag so that you didn't get him confused with other models.

Hashtag sexy. Yeah. He had to get it. For those of you looking for something sexy. Hashtag fitness model. That's true. Fitness model? Yeah.

Hashtag fit fam. Yeah. We know you're a big part of that. Hashtag fit fam. Yeah, we know you're a big part of that. Hashtag get fit. Hashtag fitspo. What's fitspo? I thought it was fit poop. Fitspiration. Oh, my.

Brian, Brian. Let's do it. Hashtag fit. Hashtag fitness. Hashtag hot boy. What? This is a new one. Hot boy.

It is a new one, yeah. I got it off of Bieber's page. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Thank you, Brian. So you would think that's all the hashtags. We're not halfway through.

Suburbicon. Hashtag motivation. Hashtag hard work. Hashtag work hard. See, there's a difference there. I switched them. Hashtag tattoo. Hashtag tattoos.

Hashtag guys with tattoos. Not in my house. Oh, my. Hashtag. Hashtag ink. Hashtag inked. Really? The past of inked?

Yeah. Of ink? The more ink you put in there, the more people who have ink follow you. Hashtag base is covered. No, not yet. You're not going to believe this. It always tends to get a little more desperate towards the end.

This is another new one. I'm excited to say this. You're with me on this, right? You see this one that we're about to say? I know, it's my favorite one. Okay, hashtag man candy. Hashtag fashion. Hashtag boys. Hashtag guys. hashtag fashion hashtag boys hashtag guys

hashtag you're welcome what hashtag love hashtag lover hashtag lover hashtag pretty that's it that's your post from September 25th 2201 likes

thank you if you're not following original Kevin Mac on Instagram you are fucking up man especially if you're gay that's like 70% of my following. I was just going to say, I was going to ask you. Is that true? Yeah.

Really? Are you exaggerating a little bit? No, no. I'm dead serious. 70% are gay dudes? Yeah. All right, let me ask you this. I get stopped in West Hollywood daily when I'm there.

Fuck yeah. It's insane. I've heard of sliding into the DMs, but I bet they just physically slide into you. Look at this one. Too bad the hashtags aren't as good, but I bet they just physically slide into you. Look at this one. Too bad the hashtags aren't as good, but that's really gross. September 15th, you gotta check it out. Look for the hashtags.

Fucking hammock. I look good there, man. It's all about... Wait, what's that one? Nobody likes anybody in a hammock. Wait, no, that one. Wait, wait, wait, no, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God. How many fucking beanies do you own, wait, wait. No, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How many fucking beanies do you own, dude? Jesus.

Kevin, you are like one of my favorite guests to possibly have on this show. Can we just read the last hashtag from that one that we were just on a second ago? Blood and stool. That one right there. The last hashtag is... Wait. Hold on. Wait, no. Look at the one before

that. Hashtag king of the hashtags? You believe that? We need to get you a fucking crown. Wait, he didn't do hashtag hashtag king? No. That's a good one. That was right after hashtag Irish.

Oh my God. I got to make a note. The last hashtag on that, by the way, is I will not lose. Wow. My T-cell counts. Hashtag, hashtag. All right. Kevin, what else is going on in your real life? Anything fun happen to you from Instagram recently?

Any fun things happen? Like, what happens to you? People just like, I want to suck your hashtag dick. How many dicks have you jerked off? I went, I shot a movie up north in San Francisco over the past three weeks.

Oh, a dick jerking movie? I jerked so many dicks. What was the movie? It was a Lifetime movie. I played the lead character in a Lifetime movie. Oh, you did? Wow. Mother, may I sleep with danger again? No, I got killed at the end.

I played... Spoiler! Yeah. Yeah, I know, right? No need to watch it now, fuckers. How do you get killed on Lifetime? You're the bad guy. You did something bad.

I played a guy who got released from a mental hospital, then killed his mother, then found a girl online, and stalked her, and then killed all of her friends to get closer to her. Hashtag sad. Hashtag mental sexy. There was a sex scene, which was, you know, there was a sex scene. But I went hunting right afterwards. I posted a picture. Hunting for

pussy? Am I right? Am I right? No. I posted a picture hunting. What do you hashtag sex monkeys? And my gay following did not like the fact that I was shooting deer at all. So I had to take it down. You had to.

They were like, oh my god, you shoot animals? Hashtag deer followers. That's fucked up. You do a great gay voice. Thanks, man. All right. Yeah. Well, I'm a dad.

And? And hashtag, hashtag Kevin. and hashtag Kevin Mac is he running out of battery or something Kevin in your real life have you gotten

like laid lately you go on any fun dates how easy is that for you yeah I've gotten laid. I got laid yesterday. Really? Who'd you get laid by? You don't have to say their name, but what was it? Natalie.

You better have wrapped it up, son. In fact, the name doesn't even really help us at all. How do you know her? I met her on Tinder. Ooh. Yeah. Did you find her that day on Tinder? No, I had talked to her for a little bit, maybe two weeks.

Two weeks, just on Tinder. Yeah, but I was out of town, so when I got back into town. Yeah. Yeah, you were like, want to fuck during game five? Post game five. Oh! Yeah. So what happened?

So you hit her. So you get back in town. Do you go to her place or she come to you? I went to her place. Yeah. That was a gay thing. It was a girl. And then what happened?

So you walk in. You're like, yep, I look like my pictures. I know. I was texting her through the Dodger game, and then by the end of the Dodger game, it had gotten so late that I was like, yeah, if I come over now, it probably looks bad. And she was like, that's cool. She's like, that's cool, come over.

She's like, that's cool, come over. See, that's smart. Who can go to sleep after that game? That's smart, the way that you word that. You word it like a good douchebag would. Like, it's like, I don't want to seem like a bad guy coming over now. And then you put them in control like, no, it's okay. Like you give them a little bit of power.

It's actually funny that you use that wording because my first words to her on Tinder were, I don't want to seem like that guy. Wow. And it works every time because the second a girl hears you don't want to be that guy, they're like, oh my God, he's not that guy wow that and it works every time because the second a girl hears you don't want to be that guy they're like oh my god he's not that guy that's what i'm saying is like and i'm totally that guy works in conjunction with looking like no that guy though if i ever say to you i don't mean to be that guy can do that i don't want to be that guy line yeah if i ever say to you i don't want to be that guy i'm totally fucking being that guy. Everyone hide your

daughters. So like what happens? You walk in there and then what? I walked in. Give us the Lifetime movie version of it. Did you jam your slimy string bean into her coin purse? Keep going, Kevin. Yes, I did.

We talked about the game and then we sat on the couch we watched a half episode of Stranger Things and then then what happened during Stranger Things little alien invasion nothing like a bunch of teenage children to really get a sexy situation going

he showed her his 11. Oh, that fat sheriff's really got me fucking hot. He turned her upside down. Yeah, that was good. I gave her 11. How long do you think you were there total time at her place? Because I feel like she wasn't really talking with you about the Dodgers. That seems like the shortest conversation.

No, it was just like, wow, that game was crazy. Yeah, that game was crazy. We should watch Netflix. Yeah, I can't believe Quig with the RBIs and all that. You know what I mean? It was an exciting finish. It really got everybody. Wait, you were there when he fucked her?

Yeah, it was exciting when he finished. You call it the fucking seven-minute stretch. You know what I mean? Doug just hung out in the corner and smoked weed. He's like, oh, oh, hashtag sexy necklace. I was dying laughing at oh, oh. You had me at oh, oh. I feel honored to make that noise on the stage where Andrew Dice Clay honed his craft.

to make that noise on the stage where Andrew Dice Clay honed his craft. I just love that image in my head of Kevin Mac, this smooth operator, puts in two weeks on Tinder, gets laid, and he's just about to come, and he's like, oh, oh! Turns into a little bitch. Did you instigate it?

Or were you the one that started just putting your finger on her or something? The weirdest way of asking questions. Is that how you do it? Is this okay? Is this okay? Is this okay? How much more would you like?

Yeah, I definitely instigated. And did you do a little on the couch first? She kind of leaned over. We were sitting next to each other and then she leaned her head on me and then I put my arm around her and my arm just kind of rested on the boob your pants and took out your dick and then i just kind of acted like i was just like trying to get comfortable but brushing the nipple as i was doing it you know you seem kevin you seem like the kind of guy that would make a girl suck your dick like from behind like tucking your dick backward?

Right? There's a reason why you're laughing and it's because it's true. It's true. I like her nose in my butt. Have you ever done that before? Have you ever had your dick sucked by a girl that way? From behind? Yes. No, but I'm going to try it now.

I'm going to go for it. Well, Kevin, you are fucking bundles of fun. You're a long, long interview Yes. No, but I'm going to try it now. I'm going to go for it. Well, Kevin, you are fucking bundles of fun. You're a long, long interview on this show because you just are the gift that keeps on hashtag giving. We love you very much, Kevin. Thanks for being awesome. It was a great minute, too. Thanks, guys.

Follow him at Original Kevin Mack. Fucking guy's doing it. He's figuring out how to execute jokes while being funny on social medias. You believe that guy? Lucky. Lucky. I don't know about that.

Oh, whatever. I don't think that's luck at all. I think that's, oh my fucking God. What's happening? This chick is the best fucking most unbelievable luck. She's the greatest. I mean, she's probably the only person that could fucking follow a Kevin Mac.

You know her, you love her. Probably our favorite person on the show right now in the bucket. When you see that thick black sharpie, you know it has to be the great and powerful Aphrodite! Aphrodite! Aphrodite. Here she is.

All hail the queen, Aphrodite. 62. Hey. How y'all doing? How y'all doing? I said how y'all doing? Shoot, okay. I don't care.

I don't care how y'all doing. Shoot, I don't care. I got problems. how y'all doing. I got problems. Oh, thank you. I got problems. My own titties tried to kill me last night. I'm serious. I woke up and they was choking me. I was sweating and coughing.

It's really sad. I had to call the police on my own titties. See, ladies, y'all need to understand as you get older your titties go crazy see how they popping all out right now I can't control them it's just like my ass I can't control that either I'm serious my titties get out and they run all around the bed and shit jump all back on the bed and shit you know guys y'all don't have to worry about that. See, your dick ain't gonna never fall in your face while you're sleeping, right? See, if you're a man and you fall asleep and the dick

is in your face when you wake up, that means your ass is gay, okay? Just in case you don't know. It's alright. The great and powerful Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. You were on this show, what, last week or the week before?

October 9th, the day before my birthday. Yeah, and how old did you turn? 62! That's right, 62. That's what I thought. Wow. Look at you. 62 years old and your own titties are trying to kill you. Yeah. Look at this. I mean, you are unbelievable, Aphrodite.

You are the sweetest little thing. Oh, thank you. Great set. That was a good set. Oh, thank you, Redman. Yeah, it was. How true. How true.

Did you call the cops on your titties? Yeah, I reported the motherfuckers. I'm tired of people and titties and everything abusing me. What kind of cops arrived? Were they white cops? Yeah. Did they try to shoot your unarmed titties? They grabbed one titty because the other one was still choking me.

A booby trap. Ah. They weighed 30 pounds apiece. 30 pounds apiece. Instead of just the facts, ma'am, did they say just the ma'am facts? Ma'am. Okay. Now, that does make me wonder because you have, we've talked about it every time you've been on the show, Aphrodite.

You have the most unbelievable ass in the entire game of comedy. It literally looks like your diaper is wearing a diaper. My ass was just clapping just now. Wait, you really can do that at 62? Yeah. You can like fucking. It's just muscle isolation. Can I say that at 62? It's just muscle isolation. Can I say that really nice?

Wow, muscle isolation. Yeah, ain't no black people can talk like that. Immacination of the approximation. Yes, yes. So your joke actually made me wonder, how do you sleep at night? Do you suck on your own titty at night? No, that's not what I was asking at all. We could save some of those

quick tag questions. To answer your question, for me, it's like sleeping... There's a guy who's sleeping right over there. Wow, look at that guy. Don't wake him up. Oh, man, why'd you wake him up? Wake your ass up, boy!

Don't fucking wake him up. That's my boy Caleb over there. Wake your ass up, boy. Don't fucking wake him up. God damn it. That's my boy Caleb over there. Wake your ass up. You sleeping, bro? Should we wake this guy up? No, let his ass sleep. Aphrodite, should we bring a chair up here and you give him a quick lap dance? No, no, no.

No? Show him a little clap ass. Give him a little clap ass. Hey, I'm out. I told you I charge for shit. I don't do shit for you. That's a good point. Is that true?

Yeah. I got bills to pay. All right, I'm not going to pay you to give a guy a laugh. You're making shit weird. I'm sure we could get a dollar or two. Anybody want to give us a few dollars? No, it's got to be one of them. But you asked me how I sleep.

I sleep like I'm Mount Everest. Really? Because people die when they try to climb on top of you? Bunch of heads around your... I got a few bodies in my closet, but don't y'all tell nobody. No, because see, my ass is like a mountain. So, I

have to figure out how to sleep. Usually sleeping on my side is the best way because I don't have to sleep with... Like you're housed up on top of a mountain and you're trying to lean backwards to sleep and shit. That's kind of like what it's like for me. Wow. Hey, Tony. I've what it's like for me. Wow. Hey, Tony.

I've got a Halloween joke for Aphrodite. Yeah, go ahead, Dad. Go ahead, single Dad. What did the ghost say to Aphrodite? Nice boo. Oh, God. And that's a dad joke for you. That's fucked up.

You got to go to your room for saying that shit. Aphrodite, are you doing anything special for Halloween? No, because people are already too fucking scary. Do you give away candy on Halloween? I don't give away shit. I stay in the house. Do you eat candy on Halloween? No, no, I don't eat candy.

I eat candy every fucking day, not just Halloween. What's your favorite kind of candy to eat? I like those little candy corns. What about white chocolate? And I like chocolate. I like white chocolate and chocolate chocolate, okay? I like

seeds candy in case anybody got my address. Send me some motherfucking candy, okay? What about payday? Oh, no, no. I like weed candy. What about... Yeah. Yeah.

Weed, weed. Edibles. Aphrodite. Yes, sir. Do you like nerds? No, no. You motherfuckers too weird. Y'all look like serial killers and shit.

I don't fuck with... Aphrodite. I don't fuck with that shit. He meant the candy. He meant the candy. I've been watching TV lately. Them motherfucking serial killers are always white. What the fuck is wrong with that?

I'm going to have to kill you. See, black people, we just shoot each other. We don't fuck around shooting the whole motherfucking country and shit, traveling all over the country and shit. Anything else happen in your real normal life since we saw you on October 9th? I'm gearing up for New Year's already with a band called Slang. Oh, yeah? What are you going to do?

Are you going to sing a verse? I'm going to be singing. I'm the only girl singer in like different bands and Jungle Fire is in Madrid and Barcelona. Do you know what you're going to sing? Not everything but I'm going to be doing some possibly some originals and

some cover tunes. So Aphrodite when they drop you at midnight What was that last thing you said? I said I'm going to do possibly some cover tunes. Oh, okay. And we're going to get a couple of originals in the show as well. What's a cover that you know?

Anything that we know? Or is it all just like the soundtrack? Yeah. A little Stevie Wonder. I don't know that shit. Stevie Wonder, Isn't She Lovely? Oh, yeah. Which one?

Isn't she lovely? Hey, isn't she wonderful? Isn't she precious? Hey, less than one minute. Oh, I can't believe what God has done to us. He's given life to... Ah!

Fuck yeah. The great and powerful Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes. Thank you. We'll see her soon. There she goes. Amazing.

Total pro. One more time for the great Aphrodite. See her soon. There she goes. Amazing. Total pro. One more time for the great Aphrodite. She killed it. Love you, Aphrodite. Isn't she lovely? Only a minute old. I pulled another name out of the bucket. This looks interesting

How about Drake Nelson Yeah Hi everybody My name is Drake Nelson I'm a good man. I'm in a good mood, man. Happy to be here. Was walking around sunset today. This homeless guy asked me for some money. I didn't give him any, but I was like, hey man, thanks for assuming I got some. Must be looking good today, right? I got a niece. She's 12 years old. She likes animals and shit. Take her to the zoo. Ticket lady says, how many today? I say, one adult and one maniac, right? Ticket lady looks at my niece and she says,

does he always call you a maniac, honey? My niece looks at her and she goes, I don't know this motherfucker! No cowboys in here. I don't party with cowboys no more. You fuckers are crazy. I got... All right, Wayne, right there.

Thanks, guys. Fuck yeah. Drake Nelson. Fuck yeah. What's that? Shut up. Who was that? What do you mean, let him finish?

Oh, the rest of that joke? Was that the sleeping guy chanting just then? What is happening right now? Are we being heckled? Drake, you remind me of Doug Benson. If only his cholesterol got high. See what I did there? Yeah, I get it.

It's like a super unhealthy version of you. I lived that joke, by the way. Who said you can't have your Drake and eat it, too? I believed a lot of that said. The one thing I found unbelievable about your set, Drake, is when you said that today you were walking down Sunset Boulevard. That's a really old joke,set Boulevard. That's a really old joke, by the way. That's when I

used to walk. I remember. Drake, so what's happening? How long have you been on stand-up? Five years. Five years. Where are you from? Reno, Nevada. You look like you would be from Reno, Nevada. What do you do for a living? Truck driver? No, but I do

drive. I drive for Lyft during the day. You drive for what kind of Lyft? Forklift? That's the biggest little city is what they call it. You should call yourself the biggest little comedian. Little marketing tip. Put that on shirts and shit.

Tony, when he said he drives, Chris said Diners drive-ins and dives. All right, it was funny to me. Fuck it. You drive for Lyft and what else? And I just do comedy. Oh, that's it? Yeah. How long have you been driving?

What did you do before you drove for Lyft? I have a little degree in video production. Did you say a little degree? Little degree. You have a smaller, normal. It's regular size, but in his hands. You got one of the biggest little degrees? Yeah.

It's not like a four-year degree. I just had a little certificate with my name on it. Are you talking about a degree? Yeah, a little degree. Why do you keep calling it a little degree? I went to school every year. It's not like a serious bachelor's degree in video production. I just went to college.

What is it? You talk about it like you made it yourself on the back of Monopoly money. I got this little degree. I ordered it on eBay. He can only do VCR repair commercials. I have a little certificate of achievement in video production. Oh, a little one. A certificate of achievement. It fits in Oh, a little one. A certificate of achievement.

It fits in your wallet? Yeah, pretty much. Wow. Did your substitute teacher, Fanto, give you your certificate of achievement? Hey, I'm going to fucking kick you over. All right. He taught me how to kick. Oh, no.

All right. Actually, Redman actually knows this. I used to do video production for the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. Oh, yeah. I know that place. Yeah. Red Band has an account there. Yeah, I do.

Because there's so much. I know. You used to do comedy there also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did the podcast and all that there. Interesting job. Bunny Ranch sounds like something you put on your salad. I can see that. Tuna salad, maybe. All right. Interesting job. Bunny ranch sounds like something you put on your salad.

I can see that. Tuna salad, maybe. All right. It was a fun job. Drake, why do I feel like you're the only Lyft driver that I know that charges himself when you throw up in your car? That's funny to me. Fuck it. Aphrodite got that one.

Because it's like he eats a lot. All right. More like can't lift, driver. Drake, what's your favorite food? What's that? What's your favorite food? What do you think caused this whole thing you got going on? Oh, man.

Are you headlining this weekend at the Funny Ranch? I'm a big fan of taco trucks right now. That's not that bad. Thank you. Are you eating the whole truck or just half of it? He's a big fan of stopping them. He runs out of them like it's an ice cream truck. That's how I get my cardio.

I got to run after them. So how long have you lived in L.A.? About a year. About a year. And you like it? You know, it's like cartoon town out here. It's like not real life. It's the littlest

big city in the world. I don't really miss that place either. When you say it's like a cartoon, what do you mean? What do you see out there? One minute you're looking at mansions and then five minutes later you're looking at homeless people blowing other homeless people. You know what I mean?

There's no way you were looking at that. Yeah. Homeless people don't really blow other homeless people. If they do, I'd come by and check it out. Instead, they're just sleeping. Vermont. You see it on Vermont all the time. Have you seen homeless people blowing a homeless people?

Oh, yeah. Where? I saw a guy... Where's the cross streets of that? I have no idea. I saw a guy take a shit in a bucket. Santa Monica and what? And Vermont. Did you really see somebody blowing somebody? I saw a guy take a shit in a bucket. In a bucket. Okay.

Well, yeah, that's the same thing. Good call. Terrible. Very good, Brian. Well, yeah, that's the same thing. Good call. That's terrible. Very good, Brian. Oh, my God. Are you going to give him a cookie? What's the cartooniest thing you've seen, though? Shit in a bucket.

I mean, I'm not impressed, dude. I'm not impressed. You're right. You'll see that in any city. It's amazing that the person even used a bucket. That mean, I'm not impressed, dude. I'm not impressed. You're right. You'll see that in any city. It's amazing that the person even used a bucket. That's true. Sometimes they just do the wall lean and they let it drop. Another shit related thing I saw, I saw a homeless guy do it in mid

walk. He just walked, dropped trowel, bam. This was like downtown, 3pm. Right. That was the sound of somebody running on tippy toes. Shit. You have a family or anything? Parents up in Northern California.

Yeah? You get to visit them a lot? Yeah. What are they like? They're retired. Now they grow a bunch of weed up there. Oh, cool. You smoke pot?

Yeah, I do. Is that obvious? Yeah. What do you do for fun? What are your hobbies and stuff? He haunts bowling alleys. I play video games. Yeah?

Gamer. What kind of video games are you into? Online shit. I like to kill children, like online. They're really good. So when you kill a child in a video game, it's very rewarding. They get really racist, too. They get very racist.

What do they call you? They call me old man because I have an old man voice when I play. That is racist. Thank you for answering my question. because I have an old man voice when I play. That is racist. Thank you for answering my question. When you're beating little kids in video games, do you ever notice that Kevin Spacey's

in the same chat room as you? I don't. He played video games in House of Cards. That's right. All right, Drake. Your shoes say Goodyear, but I have a feeling that's not how it's been for you. All right, I took a chance.

Moving on. Jake, do you have any special skills or talents, anything that you're really good at? Just dick jokes. Really? Yeah. It's a shame you didn't do any of those, Tony. Yeah. Huh.

When you do karaoke, what do you sing? I came here like a wrecking ball Yeah, I don't do the karaoke, I really don't Funny Bones landed one He's one for ten. He's pretty good. Well, Drake, I think you are on the path of many a great comedians like Ralphie May and John Pennett. Anyway, there he goes. Can I plug some dates real quick, Tony? What's that?

Can I plug some dates? No, they're going to follow you on Twitter and they're going to check out your dates there. That's a cannibal Drake on Twitter. That's all one word, cannibal Drake, right? Yes, they're going to follow you on Twitter, and they're going to check out your dates there. That's at Cannibal Drake on Twitter. That's all one word, Cannibal Drake, right? Yes, sir. There he goes, Cannibal Drake, everybody. Yay. He's got tour dates.

Check him out at Cannibal Drake. If we let him plug him, then everybody would ask that from now on. Hey, Tony. Hey, sorry, I had to go change my baby. Swapped it out for an Asian one. Tony, hey, sorry, I had to go change my baby. Swapped it out for an Asian one. Hmm.

I've got no response to that. Put your hands together for Elliot Havens. Perhaps some of the best handwriting I've ever seen on a sheet on this. That usually means they're crazy. This is unbelievable handwriting. I'm excited to see this. Put your hands together for Elliot Havens, everybody. Alright.

I saw a homeless person wearing skinny jeans and I think that's how you know a trend is over, when the homeless start wearing it. I heard that dentists can tell whether or not you've had semen on your teeth before. You guys know that? I also heard that dentists with teenage daughters hate their lives. I also heard that dentists with teenage daughters hate their lives. I saw a bumper sticker the other day.

I hate bumper stickers. I don't need to know your opinion, you know what I mean? I've never felt the need for bumper stickers. I've never been driving and been like, oh, I wonder if that Subaru voted for Obama. Oh, I wonder if that Subaru voted for Obama. Oh, I wonder if that Ford voted for Trump. Oh, I wonder if that low-ride Chevy is a fan of immigration. All right, thank you, guys. Fuck yeah, Elliot Havens. By far one of the funniest Harry Potter characters we've ever had on the show before.

First of all. I like that the weather turned today and you've already got your nice fall look on. Yeah. All the charisma and sweaters of a young Bill Cosby. Also wore with you on the Kevin Spacey allegations. He looks kind of like that guy, Anthony Rapp. Wait, what'd you say?

The guy that said Spacey jumped on him when he was 14. Kind of looks like, he looks like him. Did you say a name after that? Did you say the victim's name? Yeah, Adam Rapp. What is is it Adam what rap rap rap rap rap have you ever been molested before I really tried to tap my no I have not because the reason why if you're wondering I'll just say it the reason why, if you're wondering, I'll just say it. The reason why I asked about the name, because I thought you called him a rat.

I'm like, for telling on Kevin Spacey? You rat. You should not. Why'd you rat out Kevin Spacey? I love House of Cards. You're going to get it, you rat. You fucking rat bastard. See?

I honestly, Elliot, halfway through your set set I just started daydreaming at how hilarious it is I can't imagine what kind of day this guy over here had I'll say this about your set he stayed awake through all of it he was awake for the whole minute so that was an achievement

sir I want to do something special with you can we sit you just in your chair in the back of the stage so that people can watch you fall asleep? Come on up here. Come on. Come on. Come on up. Please.

Please. I'm begging you. Just bring your chair up here. Friends, if you want to help, now you can help. Get your ass up here. Bring him up. There we go. We got him up here.

Skeleton's going to do it. Get his chair. Good job. Yeah, Joel do it. Get his chair. Good job. Yeah, Joel gets it. Yeah, there's no percussion during this point because he's a team player. Fuck yeah. What's your name, buddy? Yeah, just sit right there.

What's your name? Do we need to get him a mic? No. Caleb. Caleb. It's Sleepy Caleb, everybody. The newest cast member of Kill Tony. All right, sleepy Caleb.

Now, I know he's awake right now, but wait until you see what I've been watching this whole episode. Just do your thing. Just relax. Just keep watching the show as you would. You don't have to try to stay awake. You just do you, Caleb. I feel I worry over there he had people he could lean on. I worry that he's just going to fall over.

And they kept doing a thing where they'd bump him awake, too, with both elbows on each side of him. So I'm excited to see what happens here. All right. I hope you pick somebody really mellow so we can watch him just completely doze off. I know. Perhaps even Elliot Havens if we get a chance to get him up here. Oh, yeah. You still got to talk to him.

Yeah. So, Elliot, let's talk about it. How long have you been doing stand-up? About two years. Where are you from? Seattle. Seattle. Okay.

Washington. How long have you been doing it there? How long have you been doing it here? About two years in Seattle. I just moved here beginning of October. Beginning of October. So this is the end of your first month in town. How's it been going for you?

Pretty good. How's the futon? What's your living situation? Yeah, what are you sleeping on? I have a couple roommates in an apartment. I don't know. Pretty normal. I thought you were going to say a chair at the Comedy Store.

in an apartment. I don't know. Pretty normal. I thought you were going to say a chair at the comedy store. Come on! Funny bones, everybody! That's Joel Berg. What do you do for work? I work for a sock company. Sock company? Yeah. Sock company? Yeah.

Wait, socks? Like sock? Do you ever masturbate in your product? Sock company? Yeah. Wow. Sock company? Yeah. Wait, socks? Like, socks. Do you ever masturbate in your product? Nailed it. I don't get high on my own supply. My wife is a sock, all right? What kind of socks? What are so special about your socks?

Honestly, I don't know. My wife. My wife. They're pretty normal socks. Well, I see you don't work in the sales department. No, I don't work in the sales department. You know, for a sock guy, you're really shy in the ankle department. We can't even see your fucking socks.

Let's take a look. Oh, boy. Whoa. Oh! Fucking Jason mask on your sock? Nice! So how long have you been working in the sock industry? About a little less than a year.

A little less than a year. How'd you get that job started off? Just for my buddy in Seattle. I went to college with him. Jeremiah Watkins? Yeah. How long is that in feet? Are you having a great Socktober?

Yeah. Trying to, you know, I help people with their marketing. Elliot, where'd you get that sweater from? Seattle? Brought it down with you? That made the trip with you? Yeah, I can't remember where. Oh, he got it from Charlie Brown's house of brown shit.

Yep, that's where I got it. I've known Charlie since he was about knee high. It's a sock joke, you fucking idiots. Wow. Good lord. Bye. What do you do for the sock company? I do accounts receivable work,

which is basically just like invoicing, boring stuff. For a sock company. Yeah. Jesus, man. Hi. Do you go to work each day to sad jazz music? No, I work from home. Wow.

Walk around like you're going to work. Yeah, with your head down, Charlie Brown style. Another day at Accounts Receivable. Here at the old sock company. Step by and wave to the girl in HR. Not the most exciting job in the world. Not a job that'll knock your you-know-what's off, if you will. Exactly.

Elliot, I've always noticed that people named Elliot have, you know, like smarty-pants parents. Do you have smarty-pants parents? Like, oh, that's Elliot. You know, like that? At the very least, they have an alien friend. like, oh, that's Elliot. At the very least, they have an alien friend. Elliot, make sure you take that one sweater with you when you get down to Los Angeles.

When October comes around, it's going to get quite chilly. Elliot, you never pack properly, Elliot. That sweater goes a long line way back in our family, Elliot. Your uncle, who was a great molester, had that sweater. And his uncle, who touched him, had that sweater. Elliot. Make sure you take that sweater, Elliot.

Is that close? Is that what your mom sounds like? No, that's not what my mom sounds like. Send me more socks, Elliot. Do you like Reese's Pieces? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Is that what you call them?

Reese's Pieces? Is that what you call them? I think I usually just call them Reese's. Whoa. I mean, you would end up getting peanut butter cups if you ordered Reese's. You could get any number of things when you just say Reese's. You got to be more specific. Suck it to me.

You gotta be more pacifistic. Elliot. Is there a funny person at your work? Like, who's the funniest guy at your work? Why is he funny? Is he like, I'll cut the ends off of socks and make leggings? Yeah, there's some funny salesmen, I guess. Because they'll just, like just act all friendly on the phone

and as soon as they hang up... Salesmen. As soon as they hang up, they'd be like, fucking cunt! You guys ever make any YouTube videos or YouAnkle videos or YouCrew videos? No.

Just sock jokes. Do you ever hang any stockings by the chimney with care? No. Anybody ever call you a little ginger bitch? Yeah. Little ginger bitch. Does your family still have that leg lamp? Christmas story Do you identify as bisexual?

Do you like philosophy like Socrates? Elliot Yeah, yes Do you like philosophy like Socrates? Elliot. Yeah, yes. What's exciting in your life? What have you been enjoying about your year in Los Angeles that's different than Seattle? Why do I feel like you miss the rain? I don't miss the rain. I haven't been here for a year, though.

I've only been here for like three weeks. Oh, three weeks. Oh, that's right. The beginning of October, not the beginning of the year. So haven't been here for a year, though. I've only been here for like three weeks. Oh, three weeks. Oh, that's right. The beginning of October, not the beginning of the year. So, what's different? What do you like about LA? There's more places to do comedy, and it's

sunnier. Sunlight. It's weird. There's somebody over there like, we went to Venice Beach, and we didn't... Yeah, she has like a full's somebody over there like We went to Venice Beach And we didn't Yeah she has like a full Why can I hear your conversation While we're trying to talk To the star of Rent

Somebody's Shared this Elliot do you have any Special skills or talents You some type of Like I feel like you're Really good at something That you're not telling us about

Soccer Soccer? No. Quidditch? You good at Quidditch? This guy's more mechanical than a rock'em sock'em robot. Wow, you got an audible laugh from Sleepy Caleb on that one, Jeremiah.

You're waking the dead over here, dude. I'm so sleepy. Fuck, yeah. Sleepy Caleb. I'm so sleepy. Look at him. He's waking up. Aye, aye, aye.

I'm so sleepy. I think any time somebody in the audience is starting to doze off, making them sit on stage is going to be a real... Yeah. No, I love it. real waker-upper. Caleb looks like he's from the show Narcos if the Narcos was part of the word narcolepsy.

Holy moly, that's hilarious. Caleb looks like his wardrobe is from Jose Crew. Wait, what is that thing you keep doing after jokes now? Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi- now? I don't know what you're talking about. Where did we get to on special skills and talents with you? I don't have any. Come on. I think I'm an okay writer.

I don't know. Come on. You could do better than that. Other than writing and stand-up, what's something that you're really... He's like, no, I'm an okay writer. I don't know. Come on. You could do better than that. Other than writing and stand-up, what's something that you're really... He's like, no, I'm a sky writer. Jesus. Answer the question. I can't think of anything.

You can't think of anything that you're good at? I can draw a little. Smile at strangers. Okay, what? What do you like to do for fun other than stand-up comedy? Sock puppets. I smoke weed.

Smoke weed! Come on. Sorry, sorry. That's why it still works at a sock store. And then do what? But then what do you do? Yeah, and then what? You just smoke pot and sit there like...

I hate that. It's the weirdest answer to me. Smoke pot or don't smoke pot, but that's not one of the things that you excel at in life. Speak for yourself. I was just about to say. I think he took it to the next level. And you can't because you are...

I smoke pot. He is very good because you are he is very good at it he's very good at it I smoke pot continuously all the time he's very good at it so he can speak for himself I guess you're right moment saved you have a good point

but Ben what do you do after you smoke pot what are some things you like to do other than write or draw or stand up because those are the three most horrible answers you could give. Can I get a bottle of breast milk to the stage? These guys. I don't think that's how it works. I don't think there's any available.

I don't know. That's pretty much all I do. I hang out with friends. Maybe they have some at Pink Dot. How often do you cry at coffee shops? out with friends. Maybe they have some at Pink Dot. How often do you cry at coffee shops? You want to play this game where you just

smoke pot and write, I'll play the fucking game. How many times do you bring your laptop and don't even plug it in? How many times do you ask somebody if they have to watch your laptop while you go to the restroom? I've done that before. I bet you fucking have. Hey, do you have 20 minutes? I gotta drop a serious diss.

Screenplay. Alright. Elliot Havens, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes, his first time on Kill Tony. Woo-wee! Elliot motherfucking Havens. He took the hits.

He did. He was good about taking hits. He took the hits. He did. He's good about taking hits. He's going to write about this tomorrow. Tony, that guy's sweater smelled like teen spirit. Alright. Alright. This is the part of the show where we're going to bring up our regular. We have a young lady on this show, as I'm sure you all know, that writes

and performs a brand new 60 Seconds every single week, and one of the most difficult and interesting roles in all of comedy is the sole regular here on Kill Tony put your hands together for her she doesn't get pulled out of the bucket she just fucking does it every single week it's the great

and powerful Allie Makovsky everyone hi hi i am i uh am being harassed by spiders in my house it's terrible i'm too afraid to kill spiders but i am a big advocate of killing them i had to have my roommate come in and kill the spider. And then I noticed I've been watching a lot of Netflix documentaries about murderers and their lives. And they always interview the family of the murderer. And someone in the family is always like, oh, Bob couldn't kill a fly. Bob would never hurt a fly. Bob wouldn't kill a spider.

It blew my mind. And I'm like, that is crazy. You're just chill with bugs if I if I have a boyfriend I'm like hey can you kill that spider and he's like no I'm like oh are you saving your energy to kill me I feel like I have postpartum depression but I've never had a baby I'm getting excited by the news that That's how depressed I am. I heard North Korea finally made a bomb that could travel all the way to the U.S. successfully.

And I was like, finally. Allie Makovsky. Missile. Missile, my bad. You have a lot of spiders in your apartment? It's not an apartment, it's a house. You live in a house? Yeah, I do. You have a lot of spiders in your apartment? It's not an apartment. It's a house. You live in a house?

Yeah, I do. I got a good deal on it. How big is the house? It's like a normal-sized house. I have three roommates and me. How many bedrooms? Four bedrooms. You have a bedroom?

Yeah. That's great. How long have you lived there? Since I've lived in L.A. Oh, I guess we've never talked about that before. No. No need. Can I come over?

No. Hey, I guess we've never talked about that before. No. No need. Can I come over? No. Hey, Tony. I love your fall coat. Thank you. I borrowed it from my twin brother, Elliot. That's not real. I've got a joke for Allie, Tony. Oh, a dad joke from our single dad, Jeremiah Watkins, for Allie.

Yeah, what is the most unfaithful animal in the animal kingdom? A cheetah! That was adorable. He didn't give us a chance to answer, though. He read that on a go-gurt. A go-gurt. I love Caleb's laugh, man. He's really waking up back there.

Caleb loves go-gurt. One time I gave Caleb a laugh, man. He's really waking up back there. Caleb loves Go-Gurt. One time I gave Caleb a fake Molly. Wait, what? So Caleb comes to the show quite often. Really? Yeah, he's here all the time. Is he having Molly right now?

He needs somewhere to sleep. No, no, no. This was like a couple months ago when we were at the bar and I had probiotics. Like these probiotic pills that kind of look like Molly, ecstasy. And I was like, hey, do you want to do a Molly with me? And he was fucked up at this point. He was already drunk as shit. And so he takes the Molly and he puts it in his pocket. And I'm like, no, you can't just save it for later.

I'm giving you a Molly. We have to take it together. Yeah. So we both take this probiotic that he thinks is molly like 30 minutes later all of his friends come up to me and they're like what the fuck did you do he's already fucked up he got kicked out of the store like he's a mess he's like throwing up and they were like why did you know it's true you were fucked up anyway there the night you you did that i was there I remember you saying it.

So wait, keep going with your story. So then his friends are like pissed at me, and I was like, no, no, no, you can't tell him, but it was just a probiotic. He's healthier than he's ever been. Is that my new minute? Is that my new minute? Yeah, that was.

That was great. In his case, the witness really does rest. My goodness. Caleb, does that sound about right to you? Is that how you remember that night going? Was that probiotic the thing that put you over the edge? No, she definitely gave me drugs. That's for sure. What Caleb...

Drugs. Drugs. What animal does Caleb relate most to in the animal kingdom? A lion. I don't know why you go down on some lady at the end of each joke. Hey, Allie. Hi. You look like Cruella DeVille's niece who's staying with her for the summer.

Do you have any animals? Hey, Cruella, teach me about puppy murder. No, I don't have any animals, just the spiders in my room. The spiders are good because they keep other bugs away. Yeah, but I still don't want them. I just don't want any bugs, you know? Allie, is that what you blame the cobwebs

on your pussy for? Wow, there it is. You hear that roar. That is an official Joel Bergman. Is that a call back to something she actually says? No. No. This is out of nowhere.

Are you saying cobwebs on your question? No, she just never has sex. She always talks about it. No, that's not what I said. She has sex, but she doesn't cum. Okay, okay. You want to know the gayest bug of all? A maggot.

Wait, wait, why? So those cobwebs would be penetrated by men who can't make her come. Right, right. Yeah, so there's no cobwebs. If they could get through the lip, yes. Why would the gayest bug of all be a maggot? Oh, think about it. He was trying to think about it.

That's why he asked you. Oh, okay, I got it. Wow. Because it rhymes with a dirty word? That's so stupid. 2017, Jeremy. I was really trying to figure it out. Those dad jokes and all that stuff.

All right. That bit's definitely ending up in Tonto's act. Is it Tonto? Tonto. Fanto. Caleb, what drug do you think she gave you that night? What did it feel like? Do you think she tried to fucking, do you think she tried you that night? What did it feel like? Do you think she tried to fucking,

do you think she tried to Cosby you? That was a placebo for sure. It was for sure. Placebo? How often do you come to this show, Caleb? Every single week for the past like year, two years. And how often do you fall asleep? Honestly, I'm pretty tired.

Why? Why are you so tired? Why are you so tired why are you so tired did somebody roofie you with Valium earlier when you asked for a Tylenol did you accidentally crank up your sleep number why do you think you're so tired Caleb I can't explain it what do you do for a living

can't explain I work two jobs what. What do you do for a living? What do you mean you can't explain it? Can't explain! I work two jobs. What two jobs do you do? Two restaurants. Two restaurants? Wow. What restaurants? Horrible rapper name.

What restaurants? What are they? Bed and breakfast? Just beds. That's... I actually work at a BJ's. Ooh. Oh, shit.

Joel's ready for one right now. BJ's and what else? Is that the place with the pizza cookie? Yeah, it is. Pazookie. Pazookie. Fucking pazookie. God damn it. A good one company. Oh. Pazookie. Fucking pazookie. God damn it.

A brewing company in L.A. Carl Strauss. What? I like Carl Strauss. They got the red Charlie. Carl Strauss brewery and restaurant? Oh. Just a brewing company.

Brewing company. So would you ever want to do one minute here on Kill Tony? Right now? Have you ever done stand-up comedy before? No. Never once? You want to try it? I'm a fan of the show. You want to try it right now? Will you try it? You want to try it?

There she goes. Allie Makovsky, everybody. You want to stay up? Here, switch. Switch seats. Caleb, what's your last name? Caleb, what's your last name? Caleb, what's your last name? Put your hands together for Caleb Walton, everybody. What's up, guys?

All right, so I've just been peer pressured into doing stand-up comedy, just so you know. Alright. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. Neither do you. We're on the same page. But, uh... So...

I recently used Tinder. I don't know if I I don't know how many I don't know how many of me are on the same page maybe you're on the same page I don't know but like they have they have like this

this super like button that I'm not a fan of I don't like that in my opinion I wish there was a super dislike button because in opinion, I wish all these girls knew how much I hate them. No, I hate them. I hate all of them. I hate them. Like none of them. there's no super like no super dislike 100 i wish they all knew that i hate them that's it i i just want you to know that's it oh my god oh my god Kale-berg, Kale-berg, Kale-berg.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Wow. Caleb motherfucking Walton. How do you feel right now? He's like, I was following my dreams, my literal dreams. Definitely. Someone told me you fall asleep in the crowd People might notice

This is true People might be like This guy's different he's sleeping No one else is sleeping I suggest you fall asleep in the crowd It works You still seem a little asleep I'm asleep

He's not even gonna know He's sleepwalking right now Sleepwalking Fuck yeah. You still seem a little asleep. I'm asleep. He's not even going to know. He's sleepwalking right now. It's the sleepwalking. He's sponsored by Ambien. I'm so hot. Hey, Tony. Yes.

What's the Titanic's least favorite lettuce iceberg? He doesn't give you a chance to answer ever, and then he just goes down on a lady. There's all of this stuff going on that he could have made a joke about and instead right then in that moment he decided to write a brand spanking new Titanic joke. My dad's an animal. That he could have said at any point.

Brought to you by Gokert. It's about iceberg lettuce. Alright. Really breaking up the momentum of Caleb's thing. Caleb, let me ask you something. How long have you wanted to do stand-up comedy? I mean, my whole life. I've loved stand-up comedy, but I never thought I could do it.

How old are you? 23. You're 23 years old. I've been coming to the show for like two years now. Wow. But I've been listening to it for like three, 23 years old. I've been coming to this show for like two years now. But like I've been listening to it for like three, four years now. Is your mind blown that you just walked up here and had a good set?

No. No. It's that easy. You just gotta fucking do it. For the past 20 minutes I was trying not to fall asleep in that chair. I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. Just like, I can do this. I can do this.

I can do this. For the last 20 minutes, we were hoping that you were gonna fall asleep in that chair. Yeah, I know. And then when it didn't happen, I decided to just try to fucking, you know, make something. This whole time I was like, I know you guys are trying to like humiliate me 100%, but I was like, I got this.

We weren't trying to humiliate you. Like, needing to sleep. He was. He for sure was. He's a human. He for sure was trying to humiliate you. Where's the bully, son? Tell me where the bully's at.

He's right there. Right there? Right there, son? Blue shirt. You see that? Blue vest. All right. So, Caleb, let's get into it a little bit here.

Are you going to beat him with your saxophone or the baby? I don't know. He knows. He was trying to humiliate the fuck out of me right now. You're talking about me? You're talking to me? You point him out to me right now. Blue vest.

Blue vest. Caleb, let me ask you something. Are you really? It's a vest. He's got a blue vest on. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yes, I like the shirt. I like it. It's not a shirt either. It's a vest. He's got a blue vest on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes. I like the shirt.

I like it. It's not a shirt either. It's a nice shirt. You are asleep. I would wear that for sure. Caleb, so let's talk about it. You're really on Tinder? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm on Tinder. Why do you hate everybody on Tinder so much? No, because, okay. Because, like, they give you the option to super like someone. I know. Wait, are you going to do it again? You said it twice in your one minute. No, that was forced on me.

That was a forced minute. Either way. You did great. You did great. Stop digging. So they give you a super like, but you get that 24 hours. That's it. And I'm like, all right, I don, but you get that 24 hours. That's it.

And I'm like, all right, I don't want to give that to anybody. But a super dislike, oh, I would give that to everybody. No, fuck all these fucking thoughts. After all that, he really just did the joke again. No, no, that's not even a joke. Super dislike. Super dislike. Super. Tony, can I give a note on the delivery of.

Sure, yes, father. Go ahead. All right. Now, I want you to say the joke that you just did, okay, the super like, super dislike. But instead, this time, whenever you say super dislike, go. Motion with your hands. Yeah, do it. Okay, so do the whole thing again with that motion, okay?

Towards the audience. Towards the audience. It's going to crush. Same thing. Do it again. Listen to your dad. Do it again. Do the fucking joke again. Do it again. So I fucking hate Tinder, right? I fucking hate it.

From the top. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck Tinder. Keep going, Caleb.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So I hate Tinder. I hate it. So like the truth is like I hate it. So like the truth is like I hate Tinder. Honestly I forgot the joke.

I forgot it. He's rubbing me too hard. I don't even know what I was going to say. I just know fuck Tinder. I don't know what he was going to say. Dad's in the crowd. I'm hard. Dad's will ruin every possible thing.

I love that sax though. I think you should pitch this idea to Tinder. Honestly, I agree. Honestly, in reality, the people who are on Tinder, super dislike. Super dislike. Have you ever gone on a date from Tinder? Never. Never? Never. No, all the girls on there

are whores. You know what I think we need to do? I think we need to introduce you to our friend Kevin Mack. Yes! Oh! I love Kevin Mack. Kevin Mack's my idol. You're a big... He's your idol? Oh, Kevin Mack? Wow. Hashtag king? Oh.

Hashtag swipe right? Caleb. The swipe right is just so a guy has a free hand to jack off. I swear to God. Caleb, how many girls have you met on Slumber? This is true. This is true. I am never awake.

What kind of bed do you sleep on? Do you have a bed? I do have a bed. It's a normal bed that I sleep on regularly for many hours. Jesus, man. This is weird. Oh, is that Kevin Mack? That was a passionate man.

Kevin, come up here real quick. I want to ask you a question. Come back up here. This is a fun, wacky show. Let's just keep it loose. I want to see if Kevin can help you. Kevin, he's having trouble with his Tinder. What kind of advice would you give Caleb to?

He's never gotten a date on Twitter, Kevin. I need help. Go ahead. Tell us what you would do with Caleb. If you've never gotten a date on Twitter, Kevin. I need help. Go ahead. Tell us what you would do with Caleb. If you've never gotten a date on Tinder, then you just swipe right on everything. Swipe right on everything. On everything. Caleb, have you tried this before?

Treat it like a game. Every time you match with somebody, you get a win. Swipe right on everyone? On everyone. Everyone? You get the super like button once a day. Like every single fat girl? You want to swipe right by?

Caleb, I don't think you're a narcoleptic you're a narcoleptic like Waldo. You should appreciate some big pillows to sleep on. Slumbers can't be choosers. It's more cushion for the push. You're funny and I'm going to fucking murder you. Man, have you ever picked up any chicks on Napster?

But Kevin, you don't swipe right on everything. He should try slumble. No? No. Can I get it? No. Kevin, you don't swipe right on everything. He should try slumble. No. Kevin, you don't swipe right on everybody, do you? Definitely not a fan. You swipe left for almost everyone. Nines are better. Is this blackjack?

I swipe for nines. I hold on nines. Super dislike. There goes an eight. All right. Super dislike. Okay. There goes Kevin Mack one more time. Kevin is a professional. He knows. You have a story about Caleb?

Oh. Okay. There goes Caleb Walton, everybody. Caleb, great job, man. Come back up, Allie. Let's finish our talk with you real quick. Something happened this week? Yeah, I went to a music festival last night,

and it was just really cool. I wanted to share this story before I left. I was walking through this quiet, small area, and I hear my name. Someone said, Allie. And I looked, and this guy comes up to me, and he's like, I'm a huge fan of comedy. And then he said that he listened to Kill Tony,

and we took a picture, and I just wanted to say that it's really cool that I get to do this every week, and that was it. Shout out to Aldo. Thank you. That's beautiful. There you go.

I like that. Nice. I like that. Nice girl, Allie Makovsky. Follow her on at not Allie Mac. Elliot Havens from earlier is on Twitter at Elliot Haven. Caleb, what's Caleb's Twitter handle? Well, all right.

Hashtag don't sleep on Caleb. Yeah, exactly. What is it? Caleb's right there. What is it? Belak? It's Caleb backwards. Caleb backwards.

So B-E-L-A-K? That's it? With a K. I super dislike that name. Yeah. I don't know. 953. What do you guys think? Should we go to the bucket one more time?

Oh! Okay.53. What do you guys think? Should we go to the bucket one more time? Oh! Okay. Okay. It's been a fun episode so far. You guys having fun out there? All right. I feel like we've seen this person before. Put your hands together for Nick Caradoyanis.

Yeah! We've seen this person before. Put your hands together for Nick Caradoyanis. Here he comes. Hey, guys. How we doing? I don't know if you can tell by my pudgy, awkward whiteness, but I'm a fan of professional wrestling. And like any fan of professional wrestling over the age of 14, I am completely stoned out of my mind while I watch sweaty men touch each other. And this combination of legal weed and men touching each other leads to some pretty interesting insights in my mind. And one that I've been mulling over recently is what happens when a pro wrestler goes through a midlife crisis and has to find a new meaning in life.

And this is what I think it would look like. Ooh, yeah. This Sunday, once they beat Hulk Hogan at the super mega slam dance of mega champions, I'm taking this title, and I'm going off to college. That's right. I'm going to study. I'm going to put pen to paper, and I'm going to put pen to paper and I'm going to finish this pen. Oh boy.

Give it up for Nacho Man Randy Savage, everybody. Yeah, so that was for some people in the crowd. Yeah. Like some people enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah. I think I saw Caleb smiling over there. He put Caleb in a sleeper hold.

He's just having a good dream. So Nick, how long have you been doing stand-up? A little over a year. A little over a year. Now we had a human being that had no idea that he was performing for his first time here tonight. Who's never done stand-up once before. And he was on that same stage as you were, ten minutes before you. And he had a better

set than you. How does that make you feel? Oh, I didn't have a good set. You seem like an adorable man. What do you do for work? You seem like a nice guy. You would open the door at the Wizard of Oz or something like that. Oh no, we talked about this. I'm a waiter at the Yard House.

Do you have a Tinder joke? A Tinder joke? No. What else did we find out about you last time you were on the show? I was the dude with the eye patch. Oh yeah. That was pretty epic. Eye patch is now gone. Tony, I got a Tinder joke.

Okay. I want to start a Tinder joke. Okay. I want to start a dating app called Blender. It's like Tinder, but for people who like blended drinks. Now let us hear that joke. Wow. That was a good joke. It's all delivery. Comedy is all delivery.

That's what I hate. It's true. It is. It's true. Super dislike. I love a good blended joke. Can I say removing that eye patch was a really bad career move? It is interesting. You were very, I remember now,

you were this jolly, likable pirate last time. You could basically say anything because you had a real life gauze and bloody eyeball. It was creepy. Yeah. I agree. Hashtag, you're all women. But you still have the pirate shirt on, which is nice.

Sure. A little throwback to those good old days. Impersonations are something that you really have to be awesome at. You did the Muncho Man Randy Savage which is one that everybody can do. Do you have any other impressions?

What's another voice you can do? I don't. Can I teach him one real quick? This is Christopher Walken when he finds out his flight's been canceled. Why? Like, impressions are not that hard, dude. You can hear Doug Benson in a new Batman movie, by the way.

That's right. He's Bane. Lego Batman. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Pew, pew, pew, pew. What was that? You making noises?

They make the gun noises instead of... They make their own gun noises, but Bane doesn't. The other characters do. Oh. Yeah, so it's very insulting to me, Nick. I'm sorry. But if he did make a gun noise, it would be like this. Pew, pew, pew.

Nick, what are the other things that you do when you're not doing stand-up or working at the yard house? What else are you into in life? I do location, audio sound, and audio post-production as well. And I'm a fan of pro wrestling. It takes up a lot of hours of your week. How does it take up a lot of hours of your week? You're watching it on what, the network?

The WWE network? There's so many places to watch wrestling. I'm asking you where you watch wrestling. There's really not that many places to watch wrestling. I'll do the WWE network. I do Flow Slam. I do New Japan Worlds. Oh my god.

Yeah, you're into it, dude. You're deep. I know. Do you listen to the Store Horseman podcast? I'm a We Watch Wrestling guy, Matt McCarthy, you know? Yeah, I know Matt McCarthy. Store Horseman, starring Tony Hinchcliffe. Yeah, me and my friends have a wrestling podcast. Oh, my God.

You just went, you do? Yeah. I mean, a lot of people like wrestling. What I think Tony likes is it's kind of fun. It's funny and stuff like that. But to you, it seems like you take it to a different level of seriousness. What's your favorite thing about the wrestling? By the way, it is concerning that you, who watches it a lot, you seem to really consider it gay.

You really made it seem like, I'm a wrestling fan, so I watch these sweaty guys touch each other. If that's how you look at it, that's crazy. If you're a little bit gay, maybe. If a UFC fan or boxing fan was up here and like, I'm watching these naked dudes touch each other, because it's basically the same amount of touch. UFC is sort of it.

If athletes touching each other is gay, then I guess. Let's get Fanto back up here. Fanto knows all about this. You saw the way that guy kicked earlier. I'm not going to kick. Have you ever been with a man before? No, I have not been. Have you ever thought about it?

When's the last time you were with a woman? Like a month ago. A month ago? Oh yeah. Have you ever hooked up with anyone at a wrestling event? No. That would be nice. Magical.

That would be magical. They'd have shared interests. If you're wondering what the word you were looking for. I have a feeling they'd tap out, but. Yeah. She'd have to be a real stunner, you know. You ever wrestle with depression? It's another great podcast.

God damn it, Dad. Shut up, Dad. It's a great podcast God damn it dad Shut up dad It's a great podcast What else are you into Other than pro wrestling There must be There's gotta be a close Close second there Amateur wrestling

I used to be a touring musician A what? Touring musician Oh yeah what do you play? I play bass Really? Yeah Oh jeez

No White bass off Should we have a I'm as tired as Caleb right now You wanna have a bass off with Chroma Chris? No White bass off White bass off

White bass off Alright here we go I haven't To close out tonight's show We're gonna get to watch this nervous, sour patch kid, Nick Karadoyans, play the bass. He's already almost crying. But we're going to put a little more pressure on him.

He's going to play the bass. I love wrestling so much, Tony. Nick, when's the last time you played the bass? It's been like two years. Two years, all right. Nick, when's the last time you played the bass? It's been... It's been like two years. Two years. Alright, well, this is great. Since he was a touring musician. You're gonna have a solo off with... We're gonna follow you. We're gonna follow you. You start.

Alright, here he is on the bass for the first time in two years, live on the number one live podcast in the world. It's Nick Caradoyanis. Wow. Okay. These guys have the world. It's Nick Caradoyanis. Wow. Okay. These guys have the timing. This isn't working.

This isn't working. Can we turn up his bass or can we turn Joel down? Go on. Come on. You're rocking, Nick. Feels like I'm in a guitar center. Yeah. Yes, it does. Oh, Jeremiah's about to try to do a sax solo Here we go

Talk about improvising Yeah bass is something you can't really have a bass off Unless you're having like Yeah it doesn't really work I don't think it really works with There he is That was a real basic solo. But Nick really can play.

We established that. You know, I always wondered, though, like most songs, you don't even really notice the bass. If I could just be like, boom, boom, boom, in the background, I think bass is just being lazy. You know what a guy, he described, wait, I gotta, a guy described it. Chris, you want to

knock out your solo? You think you can do that? It's just going to be the same. Here he goes. There he goes. Just go ahead, Chris. Alright, alright. That's enough. All right, all right. That's enough. That's enough.

I think we just... That's way better. I think we just found out what the Seinfeld theme sounds like if it was on the Fuse Network. Yeah, it's like South Park mixed with Seinfeld. Anyway, there goes the Nick Caradoy on us. Yes, yes, I like Nick. Yes, I like wrestling every single day.

I've been every way. I've been every way. Wrestling is my life. Wrestling every day What is happening? That's all I watch

Look at the drawing from Ryan J. Okay, now you're right. Look at the drawing from Ryan J. E-Belt, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, very nice. Wrapping up tonight's episode. There we go. Go to ryanjebelt.com. Doug Benson, plug your everything.

Oh, douglovesmovies.com. It's always a blast to come out and play with you guys, so thank you for having me. We love you, Doug. Thank you. Watch everything. Getting Doug with High, Doug Loves Movies, dates everywhere.

It was dougbenson.com, right? Douglovesmovies.com. I'm at tonyhingecliff.com my australian tour la jolla philadelphia a lot of fun things coming up and a lot of fun dates popping up there in the next uh week or so jeremiah watkins you heard him uh do that song there towards the end uh and so many other great things during the episode jeremiah what else is going on? November 7th and 8th, come see me in New York City and also be there through the 15th.

Come hang out with me. Come see Stand Up on the Spot. Also, November 30th, The Wave is headlining La Jolla on November 30th, so come check that out. La Jolla Comedy Store, San Diego, at Jeremiah's Stand Up. Thank you guys so much. Patty motherfucking Reagan.

The band leader. There's over 6 billion people, so if you want to kill yourself, go ahead. Chroma Chris. Just follow me on Instagram. Chroma Chris. Chroma Chris. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, ladies and gentlemen. At Mostly Sorry, book me on your shows, and go Dodgers.

All right. Hey, Tony, I love ZipRecruiter, man. I know, I sure do. And right now, if you do it right now, you can go to Tony. Wait, what? ZipRecruiter.com slash kill Tony. One more time, to try it for free, what? ZipRecruiter.com slash kill Tony. One more time. To try it for free, go to ZipRecruiter.com slash kill Tony.

Live audience, we love you. Thank you for your loyalty. And how about one more time for Caleb Walton, everybody? Come on. See you guys. I smoke. And I ain't tripping. I'm on a fucking mission to get to this kitchen. Don't ask me shit because I've gone fishing. In my brain, most things are gone missing. In my brain, most names are gone missing.

And I'm not stressing. God bless smoke sessions. Fire up the internet. Play a little poker. I can do this shit for hours. I'm a motherfucking smoker. Keep a quarter ounce in my house at all times. Never know when I got to get bombed out my mind

Cell phone ring and I won't pick it up Why? Cause I'm high as fuck Boss left a message and I can't call back Why? I'm too high for all that I'm about to call Pinkie Pie, dude, I got the money She said if they catch me driving, they gon' take my car from me

I'm goofy like a grown kid, everything is funny Don't tell me how the fuck I should spend my money Outro Music