KILL TONY - KILL TONY #274

Episode Date: June 29, 2018

Tom Segura, Pat Regan, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Malcolm Hatchett, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 06/25/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right. Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans?

Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, TheSquad.tv. There you have all the past episodes of Kill Tony, both in video and audio.

We also have tour dates. If you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Not only do we record Kill Tony every Monday at the Road Famous Comedy Store, but we have a bunch of tour dates that are just being announced every day.

We're going to be in Detroit. We're going to be in Indiana. We're going to be in New York. And we just announced that we're going to be at Just for Laughs this year, both in Montreal and Toronto, and those tickets will go fast. So go to deathsquad.tv and click on tour dates. If you want to go get some merch, we got the new Kill Tony shirt that was just released, and you can go to shopsquad.tv. Not only do we have the kill Tony shirt, but we have a bunch of bunch of death squad merchandise, including hats and shirts and mugs. So check out shop squad dot TV. Ryan J. Ebelt. He's the house artist. He draws every episode

and he just released a new five year poster. So check out Ryan J. Ejebelt.com and of course tony hinchcliffe has his website so everything golden pony go to tonyhinchcliffe.com and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony hey this is weapon coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store Man Room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Henscliff. Hello! Hi, everybody. You guys excited?

You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Fuck yeah. No one has more fun on Mondays than me. My good friend Brian Red Band is here. The great Ryan J.E. Belt is here drawing tonight's episode. It's a real live show. I'm excited about this.

We're taking the show on the road. July 25th, we are going to be in Montreal at the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. Hey, look everybody, it's Josh Martin right there. Look at him. Live in the flesh. Kill Tony, Montreal. I'm doing some other shows there throughout that week. It's the flesh. Kill Tony, Montreal. I'm doing some other shows there throughout that week.

It's going to be a big, crazy comedy festival because it's the biggest comedy festival in the world. Then we do Kill Tony in Cleveland on August 1st. Stand-up shows August 2nd in Cleveland. Kill Tony, Fort Wayne, Indiana on August 4th. Lexington, stand-up comedy the 9th, 10th, and 11th of August with a Kill Tony in Nashville, Tennessee on August 12th. September 20th, a Kill Tony and a stand-up show in

Lansing, Michigan. 21st, Grand Rapids. And 22nd, we have Kill Tony Detroit, Michigan with our guest Danny Brown. Fuck yeah, this is gonna be awesome. And then we stay up there basically because the 25th through the 29th, Kill Tony and Tony Hinchcliffe and company

are all going to be in toronto canada with a kill tony on september 28th that's a big deal that's the toronto jfl that's a fun one october 3rd and 6th i do stand up in chicago uh our texas dates that we had to reschedule due to uh just for laughs comedy festival Festival are already being rescheduled for mid-November. Tickets on sale soon. We'll be making that announcement real soon to get us back to Texas for like the fourth or fifth time in two years. We love Texas and Texas loves us.

But we are here live in Los Angeles tonight and I am so excited about tonight's show. Should we just jump right into it? Let's bring out tonight's guest. He is a return guest, one of our favorites here on Kill Tony. He's great.

Put your hands together for one of the best comedians in the world, Tom Segura, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Fuck yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy. It's a warm reception. It's a very nice crowd.

Three bottles of water in front of you already. I'll fucking crush these dudes. Welcome back. I'm so excited that you're here. I'm excited to be here. You were featured last week on our big five-year... How many of you were at the five-year, how many of you were at the five-year anniversary? How many of you saw the show already?

It's up right now at deathsquad.tv, a big 4K version right now, so you can watch it right now. It's all downhill from that show. Well, I'm excited about it. Tom has his fall tour coming up, tomsegura.com,

the Great Your Mom's House podcast. My mom was in town last week. She was on Kill Tony. She closed the show and she originally gained popularity. A lot of people don't know this on your show. She has one of the all-time greatest appearances ever in the history of podcasting

telling us about her days as a fucking bookie. Yep. Your sweet 72-year-old mother was once being like, give me the fucking money or I'll crack your leg. It's true.

It's true. The more you find out, the scarier it gets with my mom. Yeah. You know, I remember that I was telling her, I was like, when do people pay? She goes,

they always pay Tuesday because you want them to bet on Monday Night Football. Yeah. And I go, what happens if they call you and they're like, hey, you know, I just,

I can't pay. And then she got silent. Yeah. Like, this is on me role playing with her. Yeah. My mom was on the phone

calling into the podcast and there's was this moment of a few seconds of powerful silence. It scared me. I was like, I got the money, I got the money, I got the money, I'm sorry. And then I go, what if I'll pay you tomorrow? I'll pay you on Wednesday. She goes, there's no such thing as Wednesday. I was like,

she is a legend. I'll be by later with the money. She's just as scary as she is funny. And so is this show sometimes because we have a big crazy band. They commit to different characters every week. You never know what they're going to be. I literally never know what they're going to do.

I get to find out alongside with you. Put your hands together for them. It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez on the drums, and Chroma Chris on the bass guitar. This is... Wow! Alright. That's a hilarious segue.

Talking about my mobster mother. What are the odds? Wow. Anyway, talking about my mobster mother, what are the odds? Wow. Here they are, the Kill Tony band, ladies and gentlemen. Clearly Italian, am I right? Mobsters?

Hey. Wow. I got a point from who appears to be the head mobster here. My goodness. Hello. How you doing, sir? How you doing, sir? How you doing, Tony? Tony? You're quite the jittery one, huh?

All right. Fuck yeah. So we have Jeremiah, who is clearly a mobster with full-blown Parkinson's. We have Chroma Chris over there. There's Joey No Shoes. Because he ain't got no shoes. Dude. Fucking. Aren't you embarrassed?

And then back here we have some type of Mexican Indiana Jones just waiting to. Hey, maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I don't know. All right. They are fully committed to being Italian gangsters for the night, it seems. Man of Scalco is my mother's maiden name. I have an entire...

I'm excited to meet new comedians with mobsters on the other side of them. I have a bucket filled with comedians' names. If I pull your name out of the bucket, they all signed up for the show. If I pull your name out, you get 60 seconds on stage. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. That means wrap up yourself or else you're going to bring up the angry West Hollywood

bear. And then after your 60 seconds is up, we interview you. Maybe find out more about you and some back story on your life. Maybe your mom more about you and some backstory on your life. Maybe your mom was a bookie at one point as well. So let's get this thing started. You ready for this?

It's Kill Tony. Five years, one week. Hell yeah. Got a name out. And your first comedian performing in uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight goes by the name of Sam J. Sam J. S-A-M-J-A-E.

Sam J., everybody. Come on. Hello, hello. It's great to be here. Hi. 60 seconds. I would have worn my nice gray shirt. Okay. How y'all doing? I don't understand the female orgasm. You're like, oh, I'm so shocked. Like, to me, the female orgasm is going to Ikea, and you pick out the most complicated thing,

bring it home and then you just don't look at the instructions you know you just start putting you're like why are there pieces left and why is she crying thank you that's all I got whoa getting out early sam jay hitting the old bailout switch uh hitting it a little bit early it's your first time on the show huh yeah it is talking to the mic sam okay it's my first time okay uh how's it going that's 60 seconds right there That's crazy right I found out like a bunch about you and shit already How crazy is that It's unbelievable

Format of this show Is this your first time here No I've been to the show before But first time getting up How many times do you think you've been here Probably four times Fuck yeah This is your first time getting on

How did it feel up there You know 60 seconds is longer than you think You know That's That's how I think No no no 60 seconds is longer than you think Okay alright I think

40 seconds is longer than you think, too. I think 10 seconds is longer than you think. Oh! Hey! Okay, so it was maybe 20. Give it 17 seconds. It was like 28 seconds. What did, you've done getting up though outside of here or no?

Yeah, yeah. What, open mics and stuff? Yeah, just open mics. And did you just panic? Did I just panic? When you stopped, were you like, I got, I mean, why didn't you just keep going? Maybe, maybe panic or. Keep going. Maybe panic. Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time.

I think I'm just wanting to write more of the bit. That's the part I'd like. I feel like you were being honest up there. I do feel like you don't know anything about the female orgasm. So there's truth in comedy, but not enough truth at the moment. Wow. Alright.

Sam, what do you do for work when you're not plumbing with your brother Luigi? Hey, you keep the Mario brothers out of your mouth. Thank you. They're good friends of mine. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, baby. Sam, what do you do? Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you. Sam, what do you do? Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you. All right. What do you do for work? For work, I work for Tai Lopez.

I do his videos. Tai Lopez? Yeah. Who's that? It's like the internet social media guy. Reads a book a day. What? Yeah.

How many of those noises You got in that sound machine over there, huh? It's a lot of noise, I like it So it turns out you're not a plumber But you are down in the dumps, it seems Sam Jay You manage his stuff? Yeah, I do like his podcasts and videos

And commercials and stuff Alright, okay Mustache, removable? I don't, it's there his podcasts and videos and commercials and stuff. Mustache. Removable? It's there. It's more of me than I am, I think, at this point. That's a thing of beauty.

How long have you been working with this Lopez character? Two years, almost. Hey, you don't have to answer that. Oh, fuck, man. Thank you. What'd you do before working with him? I worked at a camera rental company for five years.

Oh. Here in LA? Yeah, here in LA. This is where you're from? Yeah, I'm from Long Beach, California What do your parents do? My mom's retired She worked at Boeing for 28 years In ethics

Like HR type stuff Boeing And your dad was Bob's big boy? My dad's dead but I'm sorry I'm sorry he was Bob's big boy fuck yeah Sam any fun facts about you anything cool

like if there was like a chapter in the book of Sam Jay like what would be a cool fun fact about you? You good at making paper airplanes or something? I skateboard every day almost. You wouldn't think this size of a person skateboards a lot. There you go. I'm pretty good.

Every day? Almost every day, yeah. I get winded very quickly, but I'm pretty good. Every day? Almost every day, yeah. I get winded very quickly, but I'm not there. Can you do skateboard tricks, like on the half pint? I can drop in and do that. I mean, I'm not going to get air. More of a grinder. More of a grinder, you know, a lot of pumping.

Sandwich. Fuck, yeah. All right, well, Sam. Skateboarding, is that it? A lot of pumping. Sandwich. Fuck yeah. Cool. All right. Well, Sam. Skateboarding, is that it? Yeah, pretty much. When's the last time you've been with a woman?

You said you don't understand the female whatever. I believed you. You know, I got out of kind of a complicated relationship. Oh, yeah? Maybe two years ago. How'd that go? What was so complicated about it? She wanted to move back home to Maryland.

Oh. She didn't want me going with her. Wow. Jesus. I love the reveal. This is like Maury Povich or something like that. I don't know how to tell you this, but these people already know, but I'm going to go back to West Virginia

and I don't want you to come with me. You stay. Wow. Damn. We had a dog together. Oh, wow. Did she take the dog or leave it? She did. She really did, yeah. It was a little dog. What was the dog's name? The dog's name was

Roo. Roo? Yeah, Roo. Like French for street? Like R-O-O? I don't know. You would sometimes call him Roo-Roo? Yeah, Roo-Roo. Yeah, you're damn right you did. Yeah, fuck yeah.

What's the thing you miss most? The dog or the Small dog? It was a small dog I miss the dog more I'm going to be honest with you guys She loved me I love that dog How long were you with that dog?

It was two long years What's that in dog years? What is it, 14? That's 14. That's a long time. You said two long years. Was it a wiener dog? We actually have a wiener dog sound effect.

Oh, all right. What kind of dog was it? It was half Basenji, half Chihuahua. And Basenjis don't bark. They're, like, quiet. Basenjis aren't welcome in my neighborhood. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Well. Jesus. Sam, you on any dating sites or anything like that? If you can give me some dating advice, I would love that. Yeah, okay. Normally people don't ask for honest dating advice from me, but all right. I'll give you some. I would say change your complete life.

I would just do everything that you've been doing differently. I'd go no carbs, no bread for at least, at the looks of it, maybe four or five months. I would drink a lot of water, jog every day. I'd follow Cam Hayes on Instagram.

You know, get inspired. Shave the mustache. Really? Yes, for sure, for sure, for sure. 100%. Yes, 100%. This is like... Everybody that ever told you they like it lied to you.

They lied to your face, dude. Those people aren't your friends. She's fucking nodding. She's like, that's terrible. Did your ex-girlfriend like the mustache? I don't know. Oh, that's what it is. That's why she left you, dude.

It's your Batman mask. You got the mustache after she broke your heart. I feel like I've had it for so long out here, no one would really recognize me. Oh, no, they'd know you. Yeah, they'd know. You could also just grow the rest of it out. That's what I did.

Wait a second, wait a second. Did you have a mustache? No, this is just a mustache with other stuff. You know? Okay. That's what a beard is. So no carbs and shave the stache. I'm trying to make this. This is a podcast.

You'll be able to listen back to everything. Okay, thank you. I appreciate it. No, you seem like a nice guy. It seems like girls would like you. You have a good personality, it seems like. I think they want a bad boy. Brian Redman, you gay or something?

What's going on? Thank you for that gay-like cue, Danny Lucas. Oh my God. I just love it. I love that you said that You didn't want to shave the mustache Because you think people would not recognize you As the guy that you are right now Like it seems like you should be rushing to

What happened to your hand? Why is your hand stuck like that? Just holding it You were just resting it on your belly You didn't notice that? No You were using it as a complete armrest there That's another thing

These are changes I could be your life coach, dude I would maybe also put some band-aid on your nipples I knew it I knew they're a little hard That's just what happens Once again, Red Band noticing the guy's nipples What's going on here?

I gotta go Fuck yeah. There he goes, Sam Che, everybody. And we're off and running. He's on Twitter. It's Sam Che Comedy. Man, this... I love this carnival cruise line

Italian guy. You got... Oh, shit. line Italian guy you got. Oh, shit. Let's keep this fun train moving along. Oh, wow. I remember this young lady. I think she's only been on once before. She was great. Put your hands together for Alice Rose, ladies and gentlemen.

So when you're black, dogs just bark at you. And then white people try to blame you for their dog barking at you. They're just like, oh my god, it's so weird that Muffins would bark at you because she's like a great judge of character. Yeah, it's not because I'm your only black friend and Muffins is fucking racist. It's because I have terrible character. Yeah, Muffins knows that I don't give change to homeless people and she's like bark bark you asshole and i'm so sorry how do you know this information you some type of fucking dog psychic because

pardon me i didn't realize i was speaking to the shittiest member of the x-men you should go have a slumber party with aquaman and Hawkeye because that is a fucking useless superpower. Fucking white people and your dogs. You're just like, it's my baby. I'm like, you should have got an abortion. Thank you. Oh my God. You guys, you're the best.

There you go. A minute from Alice Rose. Boom. Fuck yeah. Am I right? This is your, what, second time on the show? Yep, second. Hell yeah, and the first time you crushed so hard that I remember you. Welcome back.

Thank you. Hell yeah. How's life been? Since I was on Kill Tony, fucking awesome. Like, a bunch of people hit up my Instagram and my Twitter and told me they thought I was on Kill Tony Fucking awesome Like a bunch of people Hit up my Instagram And like my Twitter And told me they thought I was funny I didn't even plug either one So I don't know how they found me

They was just on some Scooby Doo shit Stalkers Yeah No people started booking me For like shows I gotta do like 20 minutes Out in fucking

The Coachella Valley That's great I was on a show With a partner A little while ago It's been going awesome That ass Congrats

That's great Fuck yeah with a parna nonchalant a little while ago. It's been going awesome. That ass. Congrats. That's great. Fuck yeah. Do you really not like dogs? Dogs don't like me. Or any of my black friends. You can train them to do that. You know that, right?

I think that's what's going on. No, I'm scared of dogs. I don't hate dogs. I'm just... A fucking dog tried to bite me on Saturday. Like, the lady was, like, holding the leash back, and I had to legit jump into some bushes. Poor Sam Jay is back there trying to forget about his dog, and it just keeps...

The storyline just keeps continuing about these dogs. The last guy's girlfriend left him with the dog. I was sitting right there. Oh, okay. I heard it. It's a podcast. You can listen to it later, Hinchcliffe. Alice, what do you do for a living?

I'm a nanny. Ah. Yeah. How long have you been doing that? For, like, ever. How long have you been doing that? For like ever My mom opened a daycare center in my house When I was 7 years old So I've been like nannying and babysitting ever since then

How long have you been doing stand up? For about a year Well that's fun And you stay busy, you do it a lot? Yeah, almost every night if I can That's great Hell yeah Fuck yeah, some lady with a work ethic over there almost every night if I can. A lot of, a lot of, that's great. Hell yeah.

Fuck yeah. Some lady with a work ethic over there. It's one of my whores in the back. Shut up. What else do you do? What do you do for like fun to take your mind off the comedy and stuff like that? Pretty much all I do is stand up,

jogging and writing. Wow. Jeez. You must do a lot of jogging. Sam J., you could take a lesson from Alice Rose, too. There you go. Let's keep the life coaching going. Well, when I'm not writing or performing, I'm jogging. All right. Where'd you grow up? Portland, Oregon. Ah, okay. Hell yeah. How long have you been in LA? Like two years-ish, yeah. What do you miss about Portland that you can't find here in Los Angeles?

I mean, like, the traffic is better. That's about it. I don't, I fucking hate Portland. It's cold. It's fucking full of racist-ass white folks. I don't care for it. Hell fucking hate Portland. It's cold. It's fucking full of racist ass white folks. I don't care for it. Hell yeah. I liked your

said. It really hit close to home to me because I just got a dog. My wife and I got a dog. She basically really fucking wanted a dog. Wait a minute. We got one. You're married? Wait a second, what? You don't know about

any of this? No. Alright, we'll catch up after the show. The fuck? But we got a dog. When did you get married? We got a dog. It's been... Stop with the fucking dog. When did you get married? It's been eight months. We've been married for eight months.

Yeah. Thanks for being such a good friend Tom thanks for the text about it I got married it was quick you come to me on the date of my pony's wedding so anyway I got a dog a few weeks ago we're a few weeks into having this dog

and at first I'm like fuck, there's a fucking dog at my place. And the next thing you know, it's like, sort of like I feel like having a kid a little bit. I started falling in love with it. But you gotta get them both to attack black people. The kid and the dog. I was just gonna say

I'm pretty sure that my dog would be a little freaked out by you, Alice Rose. I can admit that that is So now you're going to have a baby? What? You're going to have a kid now? Jesus Christ. No, no, no, no.

This is the part where all my comedian friends with kids try to talk me into having a kid. Do it. No way. I can't do it. The car is perfect for it. Do it. Babysit in the trunk. All right. Alice, anything else crazy about you or fun about you?

Last time we talked about my racist parents. Wait. Racist against which race? All of them except for white. Wow. Wait, your parents are super racist? My mom's white and my dad's black and they both just super racist

I guess everything can you remind me can you tell me what I must have asked you this last time you were on but what's the most racist thing against black people you've ever heard your black dad say oh yeah what was it oh okay Yeah, what was it? Oh, okay.

So on Easter one time, we were all just, like, having a good time. And then my dad, like, out of nowhere, just goes, like, you know, by, like, 2049, most of this country is going to be brown. And I looked at him, and I was I was like dad what's wrong with that and then I saw him remember that he was black and he said nothing wow what about wait what about your mom does your mom say oh all the fucking time she's like Native Americans are gambling alcoholics and I'm like you're that's kind of accurate but what about by the way so it's like the 2049 thing you said earlier,

I'm really looking for... Is she ever off about anything? I tried to tell her, I'm like, you're a Native American, why aren't you a gambling alcoholic? She was like, well, I'm Jewish, so I'm also good with money. That's not how any of this works.

She told me when I was a kid that she thinks that big lips are slutty, which is fucked up. Hey, help. I mean, again, Alice, I mean, I might get along better with your parents than I get along

with you, it seems, because I'm pretty much agreeing with everything that they're saying. Hey, Alice, anybody ever told you you look like one of the Unsullied from Game of Thrones? What, am I the only Game of Thrones fan in here? What's going on? There's nothing funnier

than when a character has a joke that doesn't make... I can't believe that an Italian mobster like you is that much into Game of Thrones, Jeremiah. Wow. I want to hear so much more about your parents, and I hope you talk about them on stage eventually. I try to.

It tends to make white people sad, but I'm working at it. Yeah, but just keep doing it. Yeah, I got laughs one time, but... Well, I have full full black cousins and like one of them came to visit and my mom like hid my United State quarter collector's board because she thought my black cousin would like steal the 1250 out of the

Oh, wow. Yeah. Which she didn't, but like my white cousin stole fucking all of my quarters. Yeah. Ah. Yeah, but that was the Jewish one, right? Yeah, I remember was the Jewish one, right? Yeah, I remember. You talked about Jews earlier. I'm marking and taking notes over here.

You got to keep an eye who's moving into the neighborhoods these days. All right, Alice, we're going to keep it moving along. That's Alice Rose, everybody. She's on Twitter at JustAliceRose. Fuck yeah. It's a giant in a Hawaiian shirt. Fuck yeah.

It's a real live show. Put your hands together for Aaron McCann. Aaron McCann, sprinting from the farthest corner. Watch out for the camera, Aaron. I'll address the accent off top. I'm from Ireland. Ireland's a weird place to come from to move to America because there's so many surveys about us.

Where I'm from, we got voted as having the happiest people in the world. Same year, highest suicide rates in Europe. You ever get so happy you just want to fucking kill yourself? That's the Irish way right there. I moved here in January this year,

second week in LA. I was a victim of racism in a Wendy's, which is where I assume all fucking racism takes place. Guy comes up to me and he's like, hey bro, I'll give you 20 bucks if you just say they're magically delicious. Here's the thing though, this cunt was an albino. First rule of racism, don't be fucking albino. Got this fucking racist ghost wandering around Wendy's giving me shit fuck yes boom Aaron McCann

coming all the way from Ireland on a goddamn mission yeah it's your first time on the show right? second I'm the guy that lives with 30 people. I'm still fucking there. You live with 30 people?

Yeah. Is that like your family? No. I am Catholic, but no. He ain't Mexican, though. It's a house in Echo Park And yeah there's like 30 people Living in the house Well why don't you do

Like what we were telling you Just grab a couple friends And rent a place together Instead of 30 You can have four Or something I just I don't know

I'm too fucking lazy At the minute And I kind of like Having it to talk about As well And it's fun You know it's different 30 30 30 How long has it been Since you were on this show Last ballpark I kind of like having it to talk about as well. And it's fun. You know, it's different.

30. 30. 30. How long has it been since you were on this show last, Ballpark? Say like a month and a half, two months ago. Oh, okay. And what do you do for work? I work at the Echo Park Swan Boat Rantles. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think about jumping in that fucking lake Every other day But yeah it's a job And it pays decent so I'm there for a night What do you do again? I mean what do you do at the lake again?

You rinse out those swans You're able to stay afloat with the job I got Yeah I'm on I'm on the deck I put people under the swan boats and then fuck them off How does that pay well? How does swan rental pay well?

What are you talking about? Like six bucks an hour or something? It's 15 That's pretty decent actually for swan rentals How long have you been in the states? I moved here the first week of January so not long Oh my god do moved here the first week of January. So not long.

Oh my god. I love the way you say January. Say it again just like that. January. Oh, January. It was a long, long, long trip. I remember. It started in January. I love the way you say that.

Say it again. Say it again. January. Wow. I can't understand a damn word this guy's saying. He's an Irish-Italian guy. Yeah, he lives with 30 people. I think he's living with a mob more than roommates.

Got my eye on you, you Irish bastard. What do you think about this? Living with 30 people? I think it's absolutely fucking terrifying. I mean, you even know... How many people's names do you know at the house? Oh, you'll get to know them all. Trust me.

You know all 29 other people? How many bathrooms are there? There's four bathrooms. Oh, you'll get to know them all. You know all 29 other people? How many bathrooms are there? There's four bathrooms. Oh, shit. How many do you take up? I think last time you said there was one slutty girl that everyone fucked. Yeah, she's gone now.

She's gone. What's the split? What's the man-to-woman split there? It's about, at the minute, it's like three quarters male, I'd say. So, yeah. Long as silent. What's the 25% of women like? What do you think their median number is?

What do you mean? Medium number? Well, I mean, what do you think it averages out to? The hotness of the chick. Oh, I wouldn't... How many hot chicks are there out of the 25%? Dude, we sleep in fucking pods. I'm not fucking anybody in one of those things. What do you mean?

I need to find someone who's outside of that, you know? How many people are in a room? So there's, like, 10 people per room. And it's, like, bunk beds. But, like, think, like, Japanese businessman pods. Like, that's where we sleep in. All right, I don't want to inform this to you right now, but you're in a concentration

camp. Yeah, it's pretty true. You called it a pod! What you're describing is horrifying. What do you eat? You just go fast food? Everybody just goes out?

I try and fucking eat well, but the kitchen is just always so fucking crowded that you're like, fuck this, I'm just going to go to work. It's basically that. They take your children away at the door when you get there? Damn. It was a January night I started to cry as I looked at my pod but then I

realized Greta no pants was just down the hall. There was no running water, but Greta was always running. Wow. Damn. Aaron McCann. What else, Aaron? Aaron? Anything else crazy happen at the house since the last time we saw you?

Or anything in life? Not like before I came to America, I nearly fucking got the zone because I got drunk and woke up in a forest back home. Real fucking story. That's the most Irish stupid shit I've ever heard in my life.

That's true, yeah. You know, that's when you need to turn your life around. When you get drunk and wake up in the forest. Oh, January. Oh, the middle of January. Oh, January. Say it again, say it again. January.

Oh, my God. You know what? Say it again January Oh my god You know what The swan company is paying you $15 an hour I'm going to pay you $17 an hour to hang out at my place And say January over and over again Let's do this Hey I know a guy who can do it for $13 Alright

Aaron anything else? Anything else you want to say to the great Tom Seger? Tom, anything you want to say to him? Tom's actually one of my favorite comics, so this is a fucking huge honor for me. Oh, thanks, man. Thank you so much. Well, on that note, I really enjoyed your set.

Thank you so much. No, I really did. You were very funny. Thank you so much. Very, very charismatic. Keep doing it, man. That's amazing. Thank you so much. No, I really did. You were very funny. Thank you so much. Very, very charismatic. Keep doing it, man. That's amazing. Thank you so fucking much.

There he goes. From one pod to another, Aaron McCann. Sleeps in a pod. Yeah. Hey, I got to ask you something. Yeah. What's your wife's name? Jeff.

Yeah? 30 people sleeping in pods One could almost call that a podcast Right? Yes It's unbelievable Wait What's the rent there? Did he tell you that before?

It was more expensive than it should be How much is your monthly rent again, Aaron? 700. 700. Dude! Go to Koreatown. You could get that for 600 for your own place, man. This is not...

Let me talk to you about U.S. dollars after the show. Because that shit is not right. What the fuck? It's unbelievable. They must be getting fed something in the water to stay there and shit like that. Who owns that building? God damn it.

A genius. The Weinstein Company. How do you think I paid for this suit? Is that true? You're renting out pods to people? Yeah. Suck my dick. Fuck yes.

Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen, is in the house tonight. I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys having fun out there, huh? We're about to meet another human being. Put your hands together for Simon Fraser. Here we go. Simon Fraser. No Simon Fraser.

We're going to move on. Blacklisted. Interesting. Put your hands together for William Chang. William Chang. William Chang. Nope. Brock Ricken. William Chang sleeps with the fishes.

Put your hands together for Catherine Faith. There we go. Movement. Here she comes. Catherine Faith is coming. Hi, everybody. I want to talk about the poop bucket. This is how I was raised.

My parents had a Volkswagen van, and my dad was a very busy man. And there wasn't time for things like pulling over to go to the bathroom. And we were, there was always police chases. And it's really hard to balance over a tiny little popcorn bucket in the back of a very old van while your mother is very Catholic and your dad is very drunk, there's usually whiskey involved. And there's many absorbent rugs just covering the entire back. And I got very good at squatting, let me tell you. And at night, I like to hear those whooshing watery sounds on YouTube because it reminds me of the soft

whooshing of the urine and other items in the back of the van. That's the poop bucket and I just wanted to share that with you guys tonight. Fuck yeah. You nailed the timing part. Wow, look. You just stand straight up

after that. I know. You get right out of that that witch's brew posture that you had before. Tony, be careful, man. By judging from the bottom of her pants, you wouldn't like her when she's angry. I don't really... It kind of looks like the Hulk,

but it's the style in Silver Lake. Thank you for explaining that brilliant joke. Hell yeah. Touche. Catherine, how long have you been doing stand-up? Two months. Two months. Yes.

How's that going for you? I love it. I really enjoy embarrassing my family and bringing shame to my name. Yes. Why do you want to embarrass your family? I don't want to. I love them. My mother's dead

so we'll be respectful. It's very therapeutic to just kind of... So you hate your dad? I love my father. Dad, I love you so much. It was Father's Day recently. Do you have a big inheritance coming or something like that?

What does that mean? My dad's a recently. Do you have like a big inheritance coming or something like that? What does that mean? My dad's a surgeon. Retired. Wait, your dad for real? Did you guys really shit in the car? Yeah. The surgeon? He'll never talk to me again. And he drank a lot? This surgeon?

Oh God, don't give my name. What kind of surgeon was he? It's like the Denzel Washington movie. Oh, God. This is going down. What? The Equalizer? When he's flying the planes.

Like, he's perfect. He's amazing at what he does. Training day? Yeah. Oh, God. You like to get wet? I have no family anymore now. Wait a minute.

So he was a great surgeon. He's an amazing surgeon. Remember the Titans? He was a... What would happen if... Why are you so scared that people would find out that your dad's a surgeon? Not that he's a surgeon, that he may be drinking and driving. He's retired, so it's all good.

But he's like, why was he like shit in a bucket? Like why? I don't know. That's what I'm trying to piece together. How big was the family? How many brothers and sisters? I have one sister. And your dad made you both poop in buckets?

She was out of the house. We just found out about a crime here live on Kill Tony for the first time ever. How old were you when you were doing this? Too old probably. But, how old were you? Stop with that. That's so gross. Please stop. How old were you when you were doing this? Too old, probably. But like how old? I don't know. It's all a blur. I'm just slow.

You know, I don't know. Because it was all to avoid pulling over? He was a busy man. Wait a minute. Did he piss in the car? Like if he's driving? No, I think everybody was trained to hold it, but I think there was just a lot of fear so it made me have to go to the bottom of the car. Sound healthy? Yeah, it was great. It was good.

Wait, there was a... Brian, come on. He's silent which is really scaring me. I mean... There's no words. Catherine, if I may, you're the one that wanted to come up here and talk about the poop bucket. I know. We're just trying to really figure out what you were talking about. And why were you standing so awkwardly at the beginning like you were shitting yourself? Didn't we already ask that question? I don't know. How many times did you poop in the bucket?

Wow, still no answer. Okay. How often was it? Oh, all the time. All the time. And then... It was mainly a pee situation, but there was occasional times where it was more.

Where you had to poop in it. Yeah. It was a shameful process. And then how long would the bucket stay in the car? However long the trip was. So sometimes a few hours, though? Oh, yes. Definitely.

You know this is crazier than fucking anything I've ever heard in my life, right? Are you just trying to be silly? Like, are you trying to be funny? I'm being serious, and I honestly didn't realize how crazy it was until two months ago when I started sharing this stuff. Privately, at open mics that no one was at.

That's why you're not supposed to tell anybody nothing. Now, as an adult, have you gone to the bathroom in the car because you kind of are used to it? Do you shit in a Mountain Dew can or something like that? I think I do. It's kind of triggering, do you like shit in like a Mountain Dew can or something I think I do it's kind of triggering though yeah do you poop through a Mountain Dew can the little thing right there do you stick a little thing up to your butthole and you squeeze through the soda and you get it all

the way in the can do you do that I do I do do that we call it a mountain doo-doo? You have a number two, the doo? Anyway. Yes. What do you do for work, Catherine? Oh, that's a good question. Oh. Yeah, I do stuff. My background, I was a state worker in Illinois.

I did graphic design shit. I went to art school. So it's all pieced together. You said you did graphic design shit. Did you do graphic design shit in a bucket? Yeah. Yeah, actually. You said you did graphic design shit. Did you do graphic design shit in a bucket? Yeah. Actually. You're fucking...

Brian. Come on. It's so gross. You are fucking weird. I've heard that once before. Listen, I love it. Thank you. You just need to embrace it

and keep sharing the stuff that you feel like you shouldn't share. I'm serious. There's a lot. No, I know. But it's just, believe me, there's more there. But you can't be afraid. You can't, you know, you can't have this fear.

You can't talk about crazy shit and then not explain it so that people understand it. You got to go into all the details. Keep talking about it. You're doing stand-up comedy now. What else in life? What else is on your bucket list? Bucket list. Hey, I didn't see that.

You tricked me. I missed it. She stepped right in it. Ah, damn it. Brian. God. Jesus. What else in life?

What else do you do for fun? You seem like you'd hang out at, I don't know, outside of tattoo parlors or something like that. I love that. Please think that. Coffee shop. Do you do that weird stance all the time too? I do do a lot of deep lunging.

Yeah, that's good. But now I'm going to realize why. No, I just recently learned that if I eat one pint of ice cream, it makes a great ice cream cozy for another pint. And then if you put in another pint into that, it's so insulated. So I've gotten up to four now. It's like a telescoping ice cream pint. What the fuck question did I ask her to get that answer? I don't know.

You asked about my social life, so I thought and you said to be honest. Wow. Well, you really gave me the scoop on your ice cream. I was expecting something a little more broad than And the tattoo parlor. You know, I'm out there. Where'd you grow up again? Illinois.

I'm from the corn. Yeah. Two hours south of Chicago. I want to say Chicago, but I did not grow up in Chicago. How much of that corn ended up in the bucket? Brian, you've been saving the grossest fart? Ooh, listen to the Joel Berg chants beginning. All right.

All right. I want to hate Brian Redman for keeping that fart sound effect. That's the funniest thing he's done in a while. Come on. No. All right. I mean, I don't think I'm up with this stuff. Okay.

He's a prodigy. Well, Catherine, you're two months in and you've already shown you have guts, you know, talking about a crazy subject matter for 60 seconds. You just gotta,

you know, you know, let the, you know, explain it better so that I understand. Yes, exactly. You know,

just fucking lay it all down. Hey, I'm gonna hide this for a second, by the way. Yes, exactly. You know, just fucking. I'm going to hide this for a second, by the way. It was very similar to that, actually. Really? Yes. It was like a jack-o'-lantern? It was a popcorn thing. Tell me this.

What's really, up to what age were you doing it? Just be honest. It all started in China. I was this height at 11. And I was probably the captain 11 so and I was probably the captain of the basketball team what no I can't play basketball at all

but I was maybe up to 11 I don't know we're unlocking those memories right now with help alright well there you go guess so let's leave it on a high note I guess so I mean where do we go from here?

It gets better, guys. High note, brown note, whatever. All right, Catherine. Well, keep rocking and rolling. We'll see you again soon. There she goes, Catherine. Thank you. Enjoy the weekend.

Oh, come on, Brian. Yeah, something. One more time for Catherine Faith, something. One more time for Catherine Faith, everybody. Come on. We're having fun. Oh, shit! I'm so fucking excited about this. It's been so long since this guy's been on this show.

One of my favorite people that has ever gotten pulled out of the bucket in the history of this show. Put your hands together for him. Make some noise for the great Steve Lee, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, there he is. I just talked to him a few weeks ago for the first time in a while. Oh.

Fuck yeah. How many of you are Kill Tony fans out there, huh? You've seen this guy probably five, six, seven times on the show. Here he is again. It's Steve Lee, everybody. All right, give me ten more minutes to roll this back guys Why are your equipment so heavy man? Alright So

My family told me I should quit Hollywood because there were only three Asian male lead in all the Hollywood movies. The first guy was Bruce Lee. It was so racist, he had no romantic lead. That's how bad. And then the second guy was Jackie Chan. And Hollywood was less racist,

so they gave him a black guy. Like, what? And then it was Jet Li. You remember Romeo Must Die? They gave him a black lady. Aaliyah, though. She's hot as fuck, but she's dead now. And if you can just take a look,

three of those Asian male leads, they all know martial arts. Look at me. I'm fucked, man. Wow. Thank you. Motherfucking Steve Lee, everybody. First person pulled out of the bucket tonight for you podcast listeners. He is handicapped.

He is indeed Asian. You are. Steve, that was a fucking awesome performance, dude. Thank you, man. You crushed. Oh, the band is literally eating spaghetti, everybody. Joel's eating spaghetti. He still has the cigarette in his mouth for you podcast listeners.

Jeremiah, of course the fat ass he is, not just acting like Joel. He's literally eating the spaghetti. The weight gain challenge champion. Steve, how's it going? Welcome back. It's been a long time. Yeah, man. It's been a long time. Yeah, man. It's funny.

Your mouth doesn't move when you laugh. Did you see that? You're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It doesn't move at all. That was great. All right. You freaked me out a little bit.

What was the last time you did the show? Great. All right. It freaked me out a little bit. You had me. When was the last time you did the show? I think last year, August. Why? Have you been signing up, or did you take a break? Oh, man, I've been, like, really depressed. I know. Well, I mean, I've been doing this for eight years.

Yeah. And, you know, it goes ups and downs, right? Yeah, that's just when you fall. Last year, I had a big... Come on, Steve. Steve's laughing. He can handle these. You groaner. I can handle this.

Come on. So, okay. So, last year, I got a big gig. It was like a corporate gig. They paid me like four figures. Damn. Yeah. No, okay. Hold on, hold on,

hold on. So it was like a medical company trying to sell medical supply to doctors. So they hired an Asian disabled guy. Hell yeah. You're damn right. You're a genius, right, the boss? So they had everything

arranged. They could fly me there. They could do like, you know, I was like the closing of the whole show. They were going to have 15 speakers at the conference, right? Yeah. And it turned out the show was in Florida. And it was during the hurricane. Ah, well, you already have two canes right there.

Why not add a third? Right. So. So, yeah. Because his lips don't move when he laughs. Please, it's amazing. I've never seen anything that cool. I'm going to cancel my whole show. Really?

Because of the hurricane? Yeah. How long ago was that? Last year's summer. And that really bummed you out? I mean, there were so many things. I have anxiety when I talk to people. So in comedy, you've got to talk to all the comics and talk to all the bookers.

No, you don't. Fuck them. I don't talk to them. Man. So where was it scheduled to be, this show? Last summer. What do you mean? Oh, yeah.

Last summer. They didn't reschedule it? No. Probably they lost money. Yeah, they said they lost a lot of money How often are you getting up? You've been doing this? I do shows, like smaller shows Once or twice a week

You've been doing it eight years? Yeah Well, you fucking destroyed here tonight That was awesome, man You killed it I say if you're depressed You should be doing this more but here's the thing

what makes me come back was two three months ago I did a a film competition for people with disability and you beat those fucking oh yeah the special olympics I've heard of it

so yeah so I is that flappers Special Olympics, I've heard of it. So, yeah. So, I... Is that flappers? The Special Olympics comedy competition. So, I was really bummed out, and I was like, oh, okay, maybe there's a cool thing to do, right? So, I produced the thing, I wrote the whole script, and I had a director work with me, and I had a lot of SAG actors and actresses, like really talented actors and actresses. And we only have two days to complete the thing, so I didn't sleep, the director didn't

sleep, so we were working on this thing, and finally, like one hour before the submission, the computer froze. And I was like, fuck! Wait, wait, wait. What were you like again? Do it again. Fuck! And when was this?

It was like April. So did the show not happen? And I had to call the people who run the competition. It's like, hey bro, we were frozen and all that. And it's like, all right, we'll give you one more hour. So we finally rendered the whole thing and submitted it. Wow. Yeah. And it turned out we didn't get into the final.

But what I learned is, like, this is a learning process. What the fuck is he doing? Jeremiah is going out into the crowd giving people pasta. It's my grandmother's secret recipe. Good? Good? Steve. Okay, so it turns out I learned a lot from the process and I'm loving the whole thing

process. So I'm taking acting classes, I'm taking writing classes, and I'm learning singing too. Get the fuck out of here. What have you been saying? Come on. Hit us with it.

Come on. So I'm learning this song called Superstar from the Carpenters. Oh. Can you... I'm not very good at it. No, no, no, no, no. Yes, you are. Come on. Give them a fucking round of applause

Alright Don't you remember You told me you loved me baby That's it man Don't you remember you told me you love me, baby. That's it, man. That's it? Holy shit. Fuck yeah, Steve Lee. He said you'd be coming back again, baby.

Open your mouth. Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby. Jeremiah lip syncing? I can't believe that. You got the wrong Asian. I didn't know Mob can sing. That's the second Asian person. Yeah, he just does that with the Asians.

Jeremiah has talked for it. Shout out to Tab Fam. Is there any chance Jeremiah might secretly have something against Asian people? No, I just got a knack for communicating with them. Steve, I would love to have you back on the Ice House next week if possible. Hey, look at that.

Look at that. Thank you. I would love to. From the Rice House to the Ice House. It's so stupid. Here today, gong tomorrow. Steve, what else have you been doing for fun? Anything else cool? Any new hobbies or anything?

Doing my nerd thing of playing video games. What's so funny about that? I love how he laughs after everything. I don't know, maybe too old for that shit. I don't know. How old are you? 40, 41. Don't tell them anything else

or I'll have to break your legs again. You know, Steve, it's important to note, I think, that when I talked to you a few weeks ago and told you to make sure to keep coming back here and this and that, you told me then you were depressed. You mentioned it here tonight. And I think it's important for people to hear it. For a few months, this guy who was in L.A. doing stand-up for eight years got so depressed that he stopped doing everything and chilled out for a few months. And now, you know, with all the things

that he has to go through in life already, is taking acting classes and writing classes, even fucking singing The Carpenters. So there you go. An inspiration, Steve Lee. Anything else you want to say before taking off, Steve? Can we get a group picture? Right now?

God, that is the most Asian shit I've ever seen in my life. Asking for a picture. Right fucking now? It's a live podcast. Just take a screenshot of the video when it comes out next week. All right, really quick. Come on. Steve, you're in.

I'll do a picture as well. Can someone hold a camera for me? Oh, okay. Come on. It says, make a wish. Can you... Steve, can't you use one of your canes as a selfie stick? I do not want to spend 15 minutes watching you put this back.

I got it. Steve Lee, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Fuck yeah. Great Lee, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Fuck yeah. Great stuff, buddy. Hell yeah. Catch him next Friday at the Ice House

in Pasadena. Fun place. Those pictures are going to cost you 50 bucks a pop. Oh my God, he even got a standing O. Oh, that's just him

still going back to his seat. It's Steve Lee. Oh, shit. Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a while. When you see that black Sharpie, you know your ass belongs to Kill Tony legend Aphrodite! Here she is! The great and powerful. How y'all doing?

I got a jealousy issue. Those new women, you know those new women they talking about, them trans-legender women? You know them transformer women transmission transcendental meditation women I'm jealous of them they don't bleed

I don't think it's fair that they don't bleed they don't know what is the hot flashes, none of that shit. They come in the bathroom with them big old shoes on. I like what they do under there. You know, if they have a fight with their boyfriend, it's a fair fight. That's wrong. They need to bleed. They need to carry a sack of blood get blood all on their clothes

and shit like real women wow look at that Aphrodite coming in with multiple laughs per minute hell yeah look at you thank you Tony every time I see you just like Chris Rock per minute. Hell yeah. Look at you. Thank you, Tom.

Every time I see you, just like Chris Rock. By that I mean bigger and blacker. Tom, is this your first time seeing Aphrodite? Absolutely not. No. You were on the last show. When I was here last, you were on the show. Yeah, I thought so. That's right.

It was about Dick at that time. Oh yeah, I still like Dick. I knew it was your birthday, by the way. It's right. That's right. It was about Dick at that time. Oh, yeah. I still like Dick. Oh, yeah. I knew it was your birthday, by the way. It was your birthday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was your birthday. Thank you.

I'm on the way to 63. Jesus Christ. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. No, you crushed again. That was excellent. Thank you.

So fun. Transmissions, everything. Exciting to have you back on. Yes, trans lassie and the good women. Last time you were on Kill Tony, other than an appearance at the end of the episode last week for the big picture at the end, you were in San Francisco.

Yeah, I love you, San Francisco. Hell yeah. Place went fucking ballistic. You sang I Left My Heart in San Francisco. And here you are, absolutely crushing. Probably one of your best sets. What else is going on in life, Aphrodite? I'm doing a show tomorrow night with Top Shelf Brass Band.

Ah, we love them. We've seen them multiple times. They're on social media at Top Shelf Brass Band. What are you going to be doing with them? I'm singing with them. They're going to start at 9 p.m. at the Apotheke. And I'm coming on at 10 to do some stuff with them. Now, you know, an interesting thing happened this week.

Oh, God. I lost my mind. Oh, you got it already pulled up. Aphrodite, you posted something really interesting on Instagram. Now, the whole little Kill Tony family, we all follow each other and we sort of see what's going on. You are, I don't follow many

people at all, but you are one of my favorite people to follow because when I see something, I know it's coming from the heart. And I saw something this week. Is it okay if I read it? Yeah. Okay, okay. Here we go. This is from Aphrodite6325. This was just a few days ago. Here we go. This is from Aphrodite6325. This was just a few days ago. Here we go.

I'm guilty. My heart is full right now because I love you so much, Malcolm. At Malcolm H12, my baby. Mm-mm-mm. I don't want to be playing, saying auntie anymore. I just want to love you. Man to woman, you love me too. It's all on our faces. I love your hilarious heart and spirit. I surrender. Here I am. Destiny ain't no joke, baby. All capital letters. Feelings so strong. Can't be wrong magical

wrote you a song Wednesday night singing from my heart had you dancing hilarious I don't know what's happening or how it happened but I want to keep loving you Malcolm wow

straight from my heart to yours really feeling you at your request I'm completely single and live alone. You got my number and my address. Did you think this was a direct message? I don't have a roommate. It's on. The hottest male comedian and hottest female comedian on the Kill Tony show. I'm not joking. Just my heart beating so fast right now. It's probably from the greasy food that you

eat. And every time I see you, I had to tell you what you already know, baby. Wow. All capital letters. I can breathe now. Hashtag live. Hashtag love. Hashtag make love. Hashtag Malcolm

Aphrodite. Fuck yeah. Wow. You didn't see that? I'm telling you. I've been telling everyone. You've got to follow Aphrodite on Instagram. It's one of the glorious things in this universe. Were you sober when you wrote that?

I'm totally for real. I'm just tired of being alone. The brother's handsome. What can I say? Damn, and you're shooting for young Buck Malcolm. Hell yeah. Why not? You motherfuckers do it all the time. I love your style. What is this double standard bullshit?

What is that about? I'm a believer. I'm a believer. I'm a believer. I'm with you, Aphrodite. I mean, I ain't going to stalk. I ain't going to chase. But you put it out there. Hell yeah.

You put it out there publicly. I'm a single woman. Shit. Why did you do it publicly instead of just sending him? That's the way my spirit told me to do it like that. I felt it committed me to it. And you know what? Maybe he won't want to be like, you know, maybe he, I feel like Malcolm's such a good guy.

Maybe he won't want to be like public about it. But I feel like he's such a lovable, likable guy and likes you so much. And he probably wouldn't want to make it a public thing. But I feel like he'd probably like rape you on your way home one night. Just to give you your wish. I'm not going to give you all the details. Let you peek through the ski mask for a second. Like he'll just whisper like, it's me, Malcolm.

Relax. I just got to do this so that people don't find out. I'm not going to make a movie about it. Yeah. Have they hooked up already? No. No, I mean, well. No.

Right. No. I just put it out there. My spirit said do it. I learned to follow it. Even if it embarrassed the fuck out of me sometimes, I just do it. Is there something that happened? Did you guys do something together where

these feelings really started? I can't say that I really know. It's just such a magical feeling. I don't want to give away too much stuff. I don't want to say nothing that could be misconstrued. Sounds like you want to give away something to Malcolm. Yeah, I do. But anyway,

I'm single. I'm starting to feel like a fucking vegetarian and shit. I love it, Aphrodite. I find it very compelling, I'm single. I'm starting to feel like a fucking vegetarian and shit. No, I love it, Aphrodite. I just I find it very compelling. I'm excited to follow along with this storyline and find out more. I'm a single woman. I feel like a what? A vegetarian?

A vegetarian, you know. You know, the people that don't get no meat. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They're translucent, I think. Something like that. Oh, no.

You can go crazy when you don't have no sex for months and months and months. How long has it been months? I just stopped counting. I'm about ready to fuck this church guy up. I have to believe

you don't have a problem getting laid, though. I cannot believe that. I go outside. First thing people do is they go, damn, all that ass, you know, since they see me. Jeremiah? Well, I go home alone because I don't just attract it to everybody, you know. I'm like everybody else.

I don't want to sleep and be with somebody I'm not attracted to. Right, of course. What the fucking point? No, I like your style. And I like that you're putting it out there publicly. I mean, I'm from the show me state. We say what we feel. I'm not going to stalk a man.

The show me state? The show me. Oh, show me. Which state is that? St. Louis, Missouri. Missouri. Yeah, yeah. Like I said, I don't stalk no dudes, you know.

I don't do no crazy shit. I'm not blowing up no phones and no shit like that. But I just had to say it. Yeah, you put it out there. And it felt good after you said it. You let it out there. Have you ever, this is, I'm going to pay some homage to my old friend Howard Stern, or not my old friend, but, you know, one of my old favorites back in the day.

Have you ever pleasured yourself? Oh, my God. Have you ever pleasured yourself to the thought of Malcolm? Can you tell us that? No, not yet, but who knows? Might be tonight. Oh, shit. I'm tired of being alone, motherfuckers!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, all right. Jesus, Aphrodite. Oh, my God. All right, there she goes, Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. Another amazing set. We found out a lot. There she goes. Come on, make some noise.

62-year-old legend, Aphrodite. She started here. She gets better every time she comes on. It's fucking incredible. She's got a trunk that it looks like you could fit a couple of bodies into. You know what I'm talking about. Tom, I saw you looking. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it just so happens that it is truly that part of the show where we do bring up our regular once a week.

He is a goddamn sensation, crushing it everywhere. Just had a gigantic NBC fucking super showcase in Las Vegas. Just headlined his own show in Iowa last week. Put your hands together for the great Malcolm Hatchet, everybody. What up? All right. Y'all are crazy as fuck. Today I told my homeboy to take a picture of me.

He was like, is it cool if I don't get your shoes? Because your shoes can't fit in the picture. I was like, nigga, these Jordans, I got to show these. Hurry up and get it real quick. That's so stupid. Man, I used to hate going to the grocery store with my mom when I was little because I couldn't look at nothing name brand. Because she would hit me upside the head. I mean, one time I looked at some Frosty Flakes and she said, you better look at them flakes. Man, in North Carolina, flakes is a nigga version of Frosty Flakes. Because Frosty Flakes is a tiger with a bowl of cereal with cereal milk in the bowl.

But flakes is a nigga with a bowl of cereal with cereal milk in the bowl, but Flakes is a nigga with tiger paint and an empty bowl of cereal because he ate the cereal during the photo shoot. Fuck yes. Hell yeah. Malcolm Hatchett coming out every week

with a new 60 Seconds. Turn that shit off. I heard y'all motherfuckers. What the fuck, man? I mean, we had to talk about it. Now, I should have mentioned that you, in the comments, handled it very cool.

Publicly, you said something like, ha-ha, love you too. Aphrodite, plug your ears. So, uh... You gonna smash, man? Man, hell no! She cool, man, but she older than my grandma. She looks good.

Yeah, hell yeah, man. I'm into white girls now, man. L.A. don't change a nigga. Hell yeah. All right, now you've crossed the line. I'm looking for a Sarah or some shit. Sarah. Bethany. I'm tired of a Sarah or some shit. Sarah. A Bethany.

I'm tired of Tatianas. Oh, my God. Are you an ass man, though? Do you like big butts? I like backs now. Backs? I like an iron boy booty. Have you been with a white woman recently?

No, not recently, but not recently. You know what I'm saying? Wow. I mean, it's not like I have one waiting under the table or anything like that. And the pussy was pink. I said, girl, that shit look like bubble gum. Let me chew it. Wow.

Blew a bubble. Went right back in and came out of stomach god damn uh jeremiah y'all crazy i'm impressed malcolm uh so life is good you've been doing a lot of shows uh tom this is your first time seeing malcolm yeah yeah, yeah. You were great, man. You know, I love that you actually, you were totally set up to be distracted by the boy, but you stuck to what, always do whatever. Like, if you want to talk about it, do it.

But if you want to do your material, never let somebody dictate it. That I love. I love that you did that. Absolutely. I thought it was perfectly handled. That I loved. I love that you did that. Absolutely. I thought it was perfectly handled. A goddamn perfect example of just if you

have something you want to talk about, the audience will gauge that. They'll go along on the trip with you based on your confidence with that. You certainly didn't want to talk about that to get things started. The chicken was good as hell, though.

Aphrodite made you chicken at her place. Yeah, a lot of us, not just me. Well, Aphrodite is the other dark meat. There was four niggas in the Mexican chick. Now, I noticed that you have a lot of shows coming up in Vegas.

You're opening up for a few people in the Laugh Factory and stuff like that. That's great. Was that your first time in Vegas? No, I went with y'all, remember? They forgot about it. I'm here every Monday. You gonna forget? It's only one night.

Special secret guest. It was hot as hell in Vegas, man. That was so much fun. What else is going on in life? Anything else you want to chat about? I want to say happy birthday to my friend Tommy Guerrero in the back. Tony, my boy.

Alright, well look at that. Little birthday shout out. He cool. He gave me money when I came up here a while ago. And I was like, oh shit, this nigga got money. Wow. Are you staying at a place right now? Because I know it's super hot outside. I have. Last few days. Yesterday I was, but before know it's super hot outside. I have.

Yesterday I was, but before that I was in the car. I like the car, man. You crash in the car a lot? Yeah, I've been in the car since I came out here. How long ago was that? August 30th. A month after I got here, I went home. You're coming up on a year?

August 30th. Dude, you can move into a place with 30 people. Dude, you can move in to a place with 30 people for six potatoes and $700 fucking dollars. Isn't that such a ripple? That's going to be a bad Wi-Fi connection right there. Hey, 20-year-old, get off the cold real quick.

Wow. Got to go to Instagram. That's wild, dude., get off the car real quick. Wow. Gotta go to Instagram. That's wild, dude. You sleep in the car a lot? Yeah. And his car, his original car that he came out in broke a few months ago, a couple months ago. And with money raised by a bunch of Kill Tony fans, was able to exceed his limit on his GoFundMe thing immediately. Wow, that's awesome, man.

Got himself a nice little white Volvo. Very nice. Hell yeah. You'll definitely be able to fuck white girls now that you have a Volvo. You've upgraded. Whoa, Jesus. Holy shit. Hey, whore, what did I say

about earlier, huh? Hell yeah. I got a white girl screaming at me now. Shit. Malcolm, did you get rid of your old car? Man, it was at the gym, and they was finna tow it. And Ceridia got it towed to a place, and then they towed it. So it's sitting at a, yeah, it's, I mean, it's sitting.

Oh. Oh. Wow. So it's I miss it Aww I feel like Aphrodite Is going to buy it and hang it up In little pieces on her walls She's going to be licking the seat She's going to put it on her butt Excited about this Another fun set from you sir

Malcolm Hatchet You did it again absolute killer big announcements coming up I think I think you're gonna see a lot of Malcolm on the road a couple more gigs coming up coming soon from him hey this looks like an interesting name put Put your hands together for Billy Y. Billy Y. Here he comes. From right there. Believe it's his first time on the show.

Anything can happen. Billy Y. Thank you, thank you. What the fuck was that? There's those two words where, like, people... You know what the fuck I'm talking about. What was those two words where, like, people thought you heard one word, but it was a different word?

And Ellen, who said it? So what was it? What did you think it was? The correct answer is female ejaculation, ladies and gentlemen. Female ejaculation. Mr. T, he opened up a Mediterranean cuisine franchise. He called it Jeremiah. Now, Tony, I've never killed a guy in front of this many other people before.

But if you want to make it happen, I know a guy. Wow. Billy, why? Can I ask you why? 60 seconds feels a lot shorter up here. Oh my god. What happened to you? Not for me.

Billy, what's your story? You look like you were born recently and also 45 at the same time. I can't quite get a read on your exact look. This guy looks like he teaches yoga to Al-Qaeda. All about that downward bomb, you know what I'm saying? He looks like Queer Eye for the construction guy. Yeah, I called you gay. It's coming from the guy smoking cigarettes like...

Oh, don't try, don't try, don't try. Billy... I didn't hear Laurel Olliani. I heard I'm a little bitch boy. Wow. Be careful, Jeremiah. Billy looks exactly like Eddie Bravo if he never heard of jujitsu before.

Yeah, be careful because it's so easy a caveman could do it. Billy, how long have you been doing stand-up? Off and on for about three or four months. How long have you been painting the inside of caves? Since I was yay high. Billy. Billy, where are you from? I'm the laziest Juleberg I've ever heard Originally from Long Island

Originally from Long Island And how long have you been in Los Angeles? I don't live in Los Angeles You're just visiting Yeah How'd you get here? Just my T-Rex. What's that? It was a dinosaur.

Oh, no. They floated a basket down the Nile. Tell the truth. How'd you get here? My buddy. My buddy's a comic. Oh, okay. So you're both comedians. Sir, yes, sir. How long has your buddy been doing it? He's been doing it longer than me.

More consistent than me. How long are you in town for? Just a night. Going back. You go back to Long Island tomorrow? No, no, no. This is home. I've been out here half my life. The accent's just gone. Oh, okay.

So you just lied about that thing. No, I'm a New Yorker. Anyway. So, Billy, what do you do for a living? I'm a farmer. Where do you farm? In the 909 over there, about 50 miles east. Huh.

You live there? Yeah. You grow pot? I grow strawberries the size of your fucking hand. Strawberries? You're the strawberry guy? Among other things. I don't believe anything you're saying anymore. Billy Why, everybody. There he goes.

Billy Why. Every once in a while. Every once in a while. There's a catch with having a completely improvised show. And it's... Yo, I fight saber-toothed tigers. Less is more. That was... That's crazy when a person can't answer simple questions.

Doesn't really take that much talent. Put your hands together for Kiernan Bencoil. My roommates only clean if they think they're going to get laid. This doesn't happen a lot. And I don't have Tom Segura money, and I can't afford a cleaning lady. So I started catfishing my roommates. Yeah. It's just me and my roommates there in one room and I'm in the other. We're having sexy, sexy conversations about stuff I want to do. I'm like, let's

have sex in the shower. In the nice, clean shower. And I know what you guys are thinking. This guy's fucking brilliant. But it's got to end. We've all seen this TV show, right? We've seen Catfish. But here's the thing. If you're a girl on the internet, you just don't text back. That's it. It's par for the course. And you guys,

I fucking love being a girl on the internet. It's great. Thank you. Oh yeah, Kiernan Bencoil. So you're saying that you do that to get good roommates? Yeah, I mean I train them. Is the bit longer than that usually?

Yeah, that's usually how I end it. I have like... I don't even think you need that last part. Just move on after those two fucking bangers. The bangers. Yeah, absolutely. Those are great. So it's rooted in truth, though?

It's rooted in the fact that I only clean if I think I'm getting laid, and that doesn't happen a lot. Sex for me is a lot like going to the movies. Most of the time it's just me. Wow. That was so bad I apologize I was not expecting that

I was expecting like There's butter everywhere Or something like that I don't know Could add that to it Add more to that thing And less from your joke thing But the

The fucking The Like your joke That'll kill everywhere Yeah Everywhere Awesome Thank you.

How long have you been on stand-up? On and off for like six months. Actually, no, six months. Yeah. Only three nights a week. Three nights a week. Why only three nights a week? I don't really have an excuse.

What do you do for work? Advertising. Yeah, so I'm a copywriter for advertising. That's a full-time job. It's a real job, yeah. Yeah. It's hard, but... Where do you usually get up?

I've been going here recently, but I never get up. I go to this place called Brutus in Gardena. You always get eight minutes. It's beautiful. I've been doing some bringer shows. I did the Ice House once, and that felt really good. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah.

Man, for six months, you're killing it, dude. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, this is confidence boost. Like, crazy, guys. That's nice. Yeah. Man, for six months, you're killing it, dude. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, this is confidence boost. Like, crazy, guys. This is great. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 24.

I just turned 24. Yeah. Uh-huh. How much money do you think I have? More than me. Right? More than Billy. I don't know about more than you.

I mean, I put a lot on the credit card. You know what I mean? Wow. Do you do I Don't Have Tom Segura money even when Tom Segura is not right? Yes. Really? That's the one?

Wow, I love that. I mean, he's a well-known comic. Yeah. Pick somebody richer, for sure. Pick somebody richer? Yeah, yeah. I think so. Like Tony Hitchcliffe money?

Yeah, something like that. No, that's not true. That was... Kiernan. Yeah. So what's your love life like? I mean, I'm just doing a lot of dating. I'm on the apps.

Yeah. I use Hinge a lot because I'm... Oh, yeah, you were going to say something. No, no, no, keep going, keep going. Yeah, so I'm a copywriter, so I write for a living. So I use Hinge because it's mainly text-based, lots of questions and answers. What do you have the highest return rate on? What's your batting average?

Hinge. Hinge. I mean, batting average is not good. Really? It's really bad batting average. He gets most of his action off LinkedIn. Why don't you go to like a – use like a – why don't you go to another app then? It's not working out. It's just too much swiping. It's – I don't you go to another app then? It's just too much swiping.

Wow, look at you. I would get all the pussy in the world, but it's all the swiping. Come on. Hinge is pretty legit. What do you think? Hinge is legit. Thank you.

It just teamed up with Bumble or something like that. If it works for Red Band, it must be unbelievable. Fantastic. Where did you get married? He got it off Postmates. The same place that Trump got Melania. That's where he got his wife.

Where winners get wind. Anyway. Kiernan, what else about you? I was born in New Jersey and I grew up in Columbus, Ohio. Hey, I like this guy. Yeah, I wanted to fucking say Columbus. Go Buckeyes. What part of Columbus?

Powell, Ohio. Oh, that's in my hometown. Wow, this lady is clearly. Oh, Dublin. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah, Dublin. The home of Wendy's hamburgers. Yeah, yeah.

It's all right. It's a fun little place to grow up. Brian just came a little bit. Yeah, he is done. Wow, well, that's fun. What do you do? So you said you only do it three nights a week, though. What do you do the other four nights?

Like, what do you really do? Give us an example of Kiernan's routine after working. How old are you again? 24. 24. You got a full-time advertising job. You're not doing stand-up that night. What happens? You make yourself a little TV tray,

microwave dinner. Holy shit. Trader Joe's mac and cheese. The frozen mac and cheese. This is my night. This is my night. I'm sorry. Now Red Band just came in his pants a little. Whatever, man. You're talking about cards.

This guy is fucking Spider-Man right now. I watch the Larry Sanders show. I'm watching that right now. I fucking love it. I love Gary Shandling. And I eat ice cream. And that's what I do. I love how boring my life is.

And it's okay. Look at you. I like this guy. Yeah. Damn. Living the life of a pregnant woman all by yourself. I can be pregnant sometimes.

I'm just pregnant with optimism right now. Well, I give it about nine months. Now I'm sad. Why did you leave Columbus, Ohio? What was the main reason to get out of there? I originally really wanted to be the advertising guy. And so I was like, I gotta leave Ohio. I went to New York. I lived with my brother in Astoria for a little bit.

And then I got this job out in LA because of a weird LinkedIn email I sent about Selena Gomez. Is that true? It's so true. You can look at my website if you want, judgemywork.com. Or not, judgemy.work. I sent this email about how I didn't want this job, and I just want to marry Selena Gomez, and here's my 10-step process.

To marrying her? To marrying her, yeah. Is that your wife? It landed me the job. No, no, it's not. What was that? Nothing. It's okay.

So they love the creativity behind it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, instead of like, hey, can I please have a job? I have all these skills. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'll just be a little weird. And it's a good paying job. You have like a grown up job.

I have a grown up job. And it's scary. But it's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Is your boss nice? Boss is so great. Yeah. Wow. All of them are great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Is your boss nice? Boss is so great. Yeah. Wow. All of them are great. Yeah. Damn. This is, I feel like the conversation is kind of plateauing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Me too. But let me teach you something. Let me teach you something. You can learn a little something right now. Okay. When you're on a live show, you don't have to say it out loud.

They feel it too. I was just about to say Kieran and Ben Coyle, but now it seems like you're hosting the show all of a sudden. So now I have to keep you here longer so I can stay in control. How long have you been Tony's stunt double for? How dare you back there!

Why would you do that to me? Alright, so I'm going to get off now. You can't just say that about every skinny white guy, Joel. Yeah. All right. There he goes. Kiernan Bencoil, ladies and gentlemen. Yep. He's on Twitter at

Bencoil. He's on K-B-E-N-K-O-I-L. K-B-E-N-K-O-I-L. Kbenkoil. Love Ohio people when you meet other Ohio people. I am a little biased towards Ohio people. Everyone else wants to hate, but we just do all the best stuff.

It's crazy. You're a Florida guy, right? Wait, no. You're from Ohio. I'm from Ohio. Wow. Holy fucking shit. That's incredible. I don't care. Right back in your face, Hinchcliffe.

It's okay. I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys want to go to the bucket one more time? Let's do it. Just one last one. Alright. Let's see what happens. Put your hands together for Robert Thompson. Wow. Look who it is.

Hawaiian shirt. Robert Thompson, everybody. How y'all doing? So we all have vices in life, whether it be gambling or miniature golf or drugs, whatever. My father happens to be playing online games and getting his ass handed to him by 15-year-olds in Montana.

And he'll let you know when he's losing, too. It sounds like there's a fucking war going on. Motherfucker! God damn it! I could have chicks over, there could be anyone over, and he just lets it rip, you know? And he gets very creative with his vernacular while playing these games. Like, he's kind of a wordsmith, really. One time I heard him say, Jesus, tap dancing Christ!

And it paints a very nice visual. You can just imagine Jesus tap dancing. That's my tap dancing. But, you know, other than verbal and painful abuse as a child, there's a lot of things I'm going to miss, like that announcer for the Dodgers, Vince Scully. I grew up here in California. That guy is also a wordsmith, and I'm not going to do that impression.

Thank you, guys. No, go ahead. Finish it. Finish it. Stop. Stop. Finish it. So I'm going to miss that guy, you know, and he's a very classy dude,

but I'd love to hear him just completely shit-faced call a game, you know, like, Tommy Lasorda's here today, stuffing his fat pig-like face with Dodger Dogs. If there's one thing Tommy wants, it's another fucking hot attack topped with mustard and ketchup. Thank you. Thank you very much. Fuck yeah. I'll tell you this. That might be, and I'm not kidding, I'm not joking at all, that literally might be one of the best impressions ever done by anybody ever pulled out of the bucket on this show. Jeremiah, would you second that? Right? A good Vin Scully? Seal of approval. Yeah.

You almost never hear it. That's incredible. Who is Laura Palmer? What? Who is Laura Palmer? What? Who is that? I get that everywhere, man. It looks like some shirt that would be in the hood. Oh, you're going off the t-shirt.

First level ADD. Fuck yeah. Robert, so you just did 60 Seconds up here. What made you pick Vin Scully? How did you know that you know how to do a Vin Scully impression? Well, my grandfather would always fall asleep to the games and stuff. And I wasn't really, even though I'm like a big dude, I wasn't very athletic. You know, I watched fucking Kids in the Hall.

I was too busy loving comedy. Which, by the way, is really a shame because if you were athletic at all, you would be the WWF champion right now. I'm just letting you know. I don't know, Mike. The first thing I thought. It's a goddamn shame that you're that gigantic and just a pure fucking schlub.

I get that all the time, man. I mean, you wear the shirt of a schlub. That's a schlub shirt. You have to go to a schlub store to get it. How long have you been doing this? I was doing it two years consistently, and then I stopped doing music. So this is the first time I've actually done stand-up in two years.

You know, you come up, like, you seem so comfortable, like, the way you speak, and you're super, like, just eased with movement and words and everything. It's great. I hate your shirt so much. That's a distraction, yeah. Yeah, it's like a fucking 58 year old guy which is kind of i've expected like he's like i'm trying to find gas i don't

know where the gas station is it looks it's really weird never wear that again oh yeah yeah for sure yeah uh what do you do for a living well uh i like i've been doing music on and off what what do you do for music uh i'm in a band uh it's it's like a comedy punk band dick neptune uh actually uh well okay i i'm from chino hills and uh is that your dad's shirt no no i have a lot of my grandpa's clothes is it his uh no um but my dad doesn't have fashion fashion boy. He's a little bit more laid back. My grandfather, though, he had this shirt that looked like, uh... More laid back than that? Yeah, yeah, very, yeah, a little bit.

What does he wear? A fucking, a fucking, uh, what's the wrong? Oh, I don't even know what that is, but, uh, sounds cool. I didn't think so. So your band's called Dick Neptune and the and the microwave ovens yeah we did a video actually so i'm uh there's a comic john chefsky that i grew up with and uh like 12 years yeah i love john hey that's my buddy right there like 12 years ago i was smart i was supposed to start doing stand-up with him then but i i didn't have the nerve to do it i did ucb and stuff and it was crazy uh but angelo ballard out the late Angelo Ballard, used to encourage me to do it, and I never did it.

Angelo told you to do stand-up, but you still didn't do it. Yeah, I know. I was terrified because I was in a band. I had the comfort of other people. You seem like a natural, for real. You do seem like a natural. Thank you. It feels good.

But to answer your question earlier, I push shopping carts at Sam's Club. Getting up here and doing this feels very good because that's probably the most degrading gig. Sam's Club is still a thing? It's still a thing, dude. Struggling though. How many carts can you push at

once, ballpark? 25, 30? You still might be able to be the WWF champion, dude. I want to see you fucking push carts. We can get you in shape. We'll get you on the same diet as the first guy. It'll be great. What are your stats? How tall are you? 6'6".

Fuck yeah, dude. That's fucking Undertaker. Nose to nose, bro. WrestleMania 36. His wrestling name would be Tommy Bahama. Yes. Actually, we had a song, I Want to Be a Wrestler, Dick Neptune. It got on the Colt Cabana show.

That was an honor. Wow, that is so cool. Do you sing any of the songs? Yeah. Can you give us an example of a line from a Dick Neptune song? I don't know. We do a cover of I Touch Myself. I can do that.

How does that go? Should we play the karaoke version of that or something? Will that help you? Sure. Let's do it. Is that what you want? Let's do that. Let's do it, folks.

Oh, shit. Yeah, YouTube. I mean, not YouTube. Why would I say that? That's so silly. That doesn't make any sense. YouTube now. Why would I say that? That's so silly. That doesn't make any sense. YouTube now. Why would we use that?

Actually, there's some Jamar neighbors in that video, Sandra Colano. And because I haven't. You want to pick up those names yourself? I know. I know. I know, Mr. Joel. Okay. Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. Want you to love me when I feel down. Want you above me. I search myself. Want you to find me. I forgot myself. I want you to remind me. Whoa.

Anybody else? When I think about you, I touch myself. Whoa. I don't. Whoa. All right. All right. Thank you.

Thank you. All right. There it is. Wow. Jeremiah. Jeremiah. Okay. I might have called Red Band gay earlier,

but you, sir, are gay. That's an honor, sir. Thank you. So, Dick Neptune, you've been doing this now how long? Well, years and years, playing different bands and stuff. I used to do public access, actually. And there's another dude from Ohio that I used to do years of videos with. No, no.

I'm out of breath right now, so I lost my train of thought. I'm just shaking my thing right there. I guess it's four or five carts at a time. Max Tony was the answer that I wanted from earlier. Yeah. Truly out of breath, Robert Thompson. Yeah, but it's... Bert.

I just called you Bert. breath, Robert Thompson. Bert. I just called you Bert. It's because I was going to make a Bert joke on him. Tom, what do you think about Robert? Anything else for Robert other than changing

his shirts? I mean, Sam's Club's a good job. Dude, you just got to get up on stage. You'll have to perform. It's obvious you'll have to perform. Yeah, you just gotta get up on stage. You'll have to perform. It's obvious you'll have to perform. Yeah, I got a gig tomorrow in Fresno, motherfuckers. That's right. First set in a long time. So, fucking lose the

shirt, shrink six inches, and fucking have fun, man. What club are you performing at tomorrow? Sam's? Yes. In a club. There he goes, Robert Thompson, everybody.

He's on Twitter, Rob T. Comedy, and that is another episode of Kill Tony. You can catch it live. Montreal, Cleveland, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Nashville, Lansing, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Toronto. Wow, look at that. Look at the drawingansing, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Toronto. Wow, look at that. Look at the drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt, everybody.

Look at you, Tom. He's a freaking nature artist. Ryan J. Ebelt.com. You can buy the print. You can get a print of it. You can get the actual print. You can get the Kill Tony five-year anniversary poster, which is actually, no, those aren't for sale there, right? That was just one night only.

Oh, it's on there. Five-year anniversary. You also have the Kill Tony shirt out there for sale. Yep, the Kill Tony shirt is available right there in the lobby and online at deathsquad.tv. TonyHinchcliffe.com for dates for my stand-up and for any

of those Kill Tonys that you heard. If we're near your city, you might as well come. Tom Segura has his fall tour at tomsegura.com, your mom's house podcast. Legendary, legendary stuff. Now that you heard it, make sure you go back and listen to the two Joy Hinchcliffe episodes. Amazing.

Now that you know her from last week on Kill Tony. And anything else, Tom? No, no. Thank you guys. It was a lot of fun as always. Jeremiah Watkins has a brand new episode. Oh! That just came out today. I know because I did that episode. Yeah, my most recent guest,

Tony Hinchcliffe on Jeremiah Wonders. Follow me on social media at JeremiahStandUp. We did a long fun episode together the other day. Chroma Chris. Just follow me on Instagram. I dropped a new music video from Spider Tear today. Chris, you didn't say

much tonight. How would you think about tonight's episode? Tony, I thought it was untouchable. Oh! Whoa! He never says anything. That was stupid. I'm sorry. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, ladies and gentlemen. Come on. There he is.

He's on Twitter and Instagram and mostly sorry. Anything else, Joel Berg? Yeah, follow me or sleep with the fishes, you fucking idiot. Yeah. So much fun. Thank you, live audience. We did it again. Did you guys have fun tonight? Alright, we'll see you guys again soon.

See ya! Give me that G O-M-O-F-T Give me that T-O-M-O-F-T. Give me a grip. Make me love me. Sucking them down. I'm happy, man. Can feel it inside. Making me smile.