KILL TONY - KILL TONY #286 (NASHVILLE)

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban, Jeremiah Watkins - Date: 08/12/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have all the past episodes. We also have tour dates. Click on tour dates and not only can you see us live every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, but we are going on the road. We are in Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan. And then we're going to be in Toronto for Just for Laughs. And then we're going to Texas.

We're going to be in San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth. All these tickets can be found at DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. That's Tony's website for everything Golden Pony. That's TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode. He drew the book and the posters.

Go to RyanJEbelt.com. If you want the Kill Tony t-shirt, go to ShopSquad.tv. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. We have the Kill Tony shirt. We have Death Squad shirts, Death Squad hats, mugs. ShopSquad.TV. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Rebent coming to you live from Zany's Comedy Club in Nashville, Tennessee

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Hello, Nashville, Tennessee. Make some fucking noise. We are here. We are here. We are live. This is Kill Tony live from fucking Nashville, Tennessee. I'm so

pumped about this. Brian Redband is here, everybody. We're excited to be back here. We did a Kill Tony here once before with nashville zone the late great ralphie may and uh i'm sure he's with us uh in spirit tonight we love him and uh it was a crazy loss and fun time so the last time yes. The last time I was at this club was a little less than a year ago. I had one night here during

that Monster Energy Tour and Ralphie May actually opened up for me. And he proceeded to do it by killing as hard as he could possibly ever kill, trying to bury me before my set. And he did 20 killer minutes

on how he shouldn't be opening for me. And it was some of the funniest shit I've ever heard in my entire life. And we had the most amazing night, and it was a fucking honor. But we're back, and we're going to go guestless tonight in honor of Ralphie May

and in honor of the fact that our budget doesn't permit us to fly guests to secret locations around the country, but in lieu of that, we have a special treat for you guys. Do you guys like special treats? Well,

you guys know Kill Tony has a band, and every week they commit to different characters, and I never know what they're going to do or who they're going to be and what's going to happen. And this week is no different. It's the Kill Tony band. It's the great and powerful,

the one man band, Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen, the band leader of the best damn band in the land. I have no idea where he is or what's going to happen. By the way, this is also his fun fact. It's his first time. Whoa!

Whoa! Hey, it's an emo character. Oh, we know this guy. Aw, what's wrong? You look a little pouty. It's the emo character, everybody. Jeremiah Watkins. How you doing tonight, buddy?

My name's Darwin. Aw. All right, Darwin. Well, welcome to Nashville. Someone told me earlier that it's your first time ever at Zany's in Nashville. You guys excited to meet Darwin tonight? These people all seem happy to meet you, and they want to include you in a fun thing.

It's a trap. All right, the emo character. An interesting choice for Nashville, I'd say, but perhaps he's going to introduce to these people what an emo character is. I don't think they really have those kinds of people around here, so it's probably going to be very educational for them. Yeah, I got bullied a lot by these kind of people.

Oh, well, I'm so excited that this emo is going to be joining us throughout the entire show. We're all going to have a lot of fun. I have a bucket filled with people's names, some of them from here in Nashville, some of them I know for a fact are from places like Cincinnati and Fort Wayne because we've seen them around lately because they're drivable distances. How many of you drove quite a ways to get here tonight? See that?

See you people get it. That's cool cool you know what the fuck's up uh and you probably know how this show works if i pull someone's name out of the bucket they get 60 seconds uninterrupted on this stage try to make us laugh hopefully you know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten that means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There you go. So are you guys excited about this shit or what? It's about to happen right now. Nashville.

All right. Well, let's just get it started. We have a bunch of names to try to get through, so let's fucking do it. Your first comedian going up tonight, doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds, goes by the name of Robbie Bravenor.

Yeah, there's the stairs over there. Take note, people that signed up. Robbie Bravenor, everybody. Alright, that's what I'm talking about, dude. It's been a long day here. I drove eight hours to get here. Spent all day around Nashville getting high. That's a rough one. Some shady parts of town, two blocks down and my car is parked. It's no good. I'll be sleeping there if anyone wants to help me out. I'm probably going to get pretty black out here and then go

sleep in the car over there, so a little backup would be nice. The other night, this girl said to me in bed during pillow talk, which should be the most intimate time between a partner. She started the conversation with, I'm not antisemitic, but... And I was like, ooh, that's not going anywhere good. That was two weeks ago. We're going steady now. So wish me luck on that.

I think I found the right one for me, but we'll move on. She also smoked cigarettes, which is really hot, because I figure a girl who smokes cigarettes is willing to roll the die with cancer a couple times a day, so she'll roll the die with me at least once or twice, so might be able to nail that. And that's a minute right there. Two seconds, all right.

Well, it happens, it happens. It happens to you, obviously. That's the funny thing. You probably know better. You seem like a guy that's listened to the show before, right? In every fucking episode, there's always people that think they know the exact minute. No, I ran out of shit. So I was like, if I could bank that, that would have been nice.

Don't you know you could just basically just pretend like you're going to do something and then not do something, and it's better than doing that? That's the whole thing I got going on for me, man. I mean, geez, sometimes I just have to really spell it out. Did you have fun up there, Robbie? Up here? No, no. Where else would you think we were talking about?

A lot of places, man. I don't know. I almost threw up there for a second, to be dead honest. But I'm riding it out, and now I feel pretty good. Hell, man. I don't know. I almost threw up there for a second, to be dead honest, but I'm riding it out, and now I feel pretty good. Hell yeah, there's the answer. Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year ago, I did it like 20 times, and then I moved, and I've done it

once in the past year, so not much. About a year ago, you did it 20 times and once in the past year. Yeah. Was the 20 times all in a row, was it 20 minutes? It was 20 times in one night. No, it was like over the course of a month or so. Are we talking about stand-up or

slitting my wrists? I feel you. I feel you right now. What made you start to stop doing it? I just moved to a place that doesn't have any open mics. Where'd you move to? Boone, North Carolina. Tiny little town.

Yeah, dude! Somebody knows. Relax, Robbie. How can you be such a proud citizen of a place you moved to in the past year? No, it's off and on. Who moves like that for a place called Boone? What's your favorite thing about Boone, North Carolina? Oh, dude.

Come on, you just went butt-fucking crazy when some guy whistled in the back. Sorry, dude. Honestly, probably just the roads and such. The roads and such. No, dude, what I'm saying is if you drive a motorcycle anywhere in the Appalachia, you're fucking good to go.

You drive a motorcycle? Yeah the Appalachia, you're fucking good to go. You drive a motorcycle? Yeah, every day, unfortunately. On occasion, every day, every day, unfortunately. On occasion, on occasion, every day, every day, unfortunately. Is this an Erykah Badu song? I think I might be too young for that reference i love that you actually tried to answer that question is it an erica badu song i don't understand do you eat crayons or anything like that or good question no good question it wasn't that's i agree it wasn't a

good question sometimes i wonder uh robbie what uh what do you do for a living? I'm a printing press operator at a candy factory. I make the wrappers to candies. The candy factory? Yes, sir. What time period are you from? I work at the printing press in the candy factory

right next to the locomotive station. Used to deliver the newspapers. Then I said, why am I delivering these newspapers when I could be printing them myself? So I got a printing press. Next thing you know, Willy Wonka walks out. Want a job, kid?

I do. I'm not asking you if you want a job. That was Willy Wonka at the end of that. Anybody just see me have to turn this guy down for a job that I didn't even fucking offer him? Holy shit. Can you refer me to a barber

for a good bloodletting? The emo kid wants to go back in time, too. Are you single? Yes. Yes. Is there a reason why you're asking right now at this very moment? I would love to know what his girlfriend would be like. Do you date a lot of girls?

Have you dated recently? Yeah, no, I've been in some long-term relationships. I'm pretty young, but I've been in a couple long-term relationships. How long have you been in a dark place? Like, probably since, like, junior year of high school. Yeah, me too. Robbie, what do you do for fun when you're not working at the printing press? I go to a lot of live music, a lot of metal shows, a lot of like EDM type shows I do recreational drugs in a safe habitual manner

I do professional drugs That's where you're going to run into danger dude Don't respond to him. Don't judge me. Sorry. Sorry. Fuck this guy. I ride my motorcycle a good bit.

That's pretty much it, man. I travel. I travel a lot. I travel. I travel. Yeah, do that. Why'd you freak out there and have to talk over me? What's happening here tonight?

Is everything just a little bit weird? I'm going in waves, man. Fuck yeah. What recreational drugs did you take before this show? Okay. There's a Burger King right next door. I grabbed an Oreo shake from there and I poured a bunch of banana butter in there.

I'm on like 8 to 10 spliffs. 8 to 10 spliffs? Quite a few of those. What the hell did you say about Oreo butter? Oh, no, dude. I did an Oreo shake from next door, and then I poured my own banana butter that my brother made me.

I put that in there, and that was solid. And then just a tiny bit of Adderall to level me out. And I've landed here. And to be honest, in a pretty good place. Yeah, no, I'm not. Wow, Robbie. Well, when's the last time you did stand-up before this? Probably six to seven months ago.

Six to seven months ago. How did that go? I mean, it went okay. I try to write as much as I can, but it's hard to write. You know where this whole thing is going, so. Right. It's hard to write when you can't get up. Well, it's also easier to write when you can't get up,

because then you have more time to write. So I guess it depends on if you look at the glass half full or half empty of Oreo shake with butter in it or whatever the fuck. Okay. MJ, of Oreo shake with butter in it or whatever the fuck. Because, I mean, you can't write on stage, right? Dude, I can barely even get on stage. All right, we're going to move on. There he goes, your first comedian tonight. Boone, North Carolina's own Robbie Bravener.

Very interesting show so far. That was In the End by Linkin Park. Yeah, I learned a new song for this, Tony. And in the end, it doesn't even matter. Yeah, it doesn't! I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Jimmy Tabor. All right, I have to do this really fast.

I love my mother more than anything in the world. And I was born in 1976, and when I was two years old, her father was being awarded some medals in the war. was being awarded some medals in the war. And there was a KKK rally in Jackson, Mississippi, and I was in the back seat of the car. If you don't tell by looking at me, I don't really look like a white person.

So we are driving into the city, and there's a KKK rally, huge KKK rally. This is not a joke. I'm being very serious with you right now. I almost remember it. So I'm two years old. I'm in the backseat of my mother's Monte Carlo. And we're driving into the city and there's this sheriff and he's like, ma'am, where are you going with this kid? And my mother is very, very, very Southern.

Keep going forever and ever. Are you sure? All right. And she, like I said, my mother is very Southern. I'm going to my dad's uniform. Excuse me, ma'am, what did. I'm going to my dad's uniform. Excuse me, ma'am, what did you say? Going to my dad's uniform. All right, well, there's a rally up here about two blocks away, and that little boy is not white,

and there's a lot of white sheets running up and down the streets up there. So if you could please take him another route, or do you know where you are? I'm confused. Okay, I'm going to jump in. Very good. Now, who's the boy? Aren't you the boy?

I am the boy. Don't argue with me. I'm on your side, buddy. I'm trying to find out what the fuck you're talking about right now. Exactly. Yes, emo boy. I'm the baby boy. I'm the little dark, complex boy in the backseat.

A white woman with blue eyes and blonde hair. Start breathing and less talking. Ready? Emo. Can I just say that was the weirdest one woman play I've ever seen? Yes, you can. So do you want me to carry on or just get off the stage?

Why wouldn't you just wait for me to tell you what the fuck I want you to do? Let's just wait a second. Okay, so we're still in the story. Why wouldn't you just wait for me to tell you what the fuck I want you to do? Let's just wait a second. Okay, so we're still in the story. You're the little boy, or are we not supposed to know that yet? Am I messing up your ending? I'm the little boy. Okay. Wait, what?

Do you also see dead people? There's so many twists here. So, Jimmy, you're the little boy. You're in the back seat. You're in your mom's Monte Carlo, but your dad's driving? My father was dead at this point. Oh, okay. So your mom's driving the Monte Carlo. I can relate.

Your mom's driving the Monte Carlo into the Klan rally? Exactly. And the police officer is like, listen, don't take that child through here. She got pulled over or she got stopped? We got stopped on the way into the right. Right.

But your mom was taking you there so that you could what? Protest? No. Black people or whatever? No. Isn't that what Klan people do? My mother's father, my grandfather, was getting awarded that day. He was captain of the Navy for 24 years.

Oh. We happened to be going to that ceremony on that road. Oh. And my little dark-complected ass was in the back seat, and the cop said, you can't take this child through here. You think you're dark-complected? I guess you are.

I guess, according to the rest of this audience, you're basically a black guy. I'm dark on the inside. I told you we shouldn't have done this, Bubba. What was that thing you just said? Nothing. I said nothing. No, it definitely wasn't nothing. I mean, we could play it back for you.

What were you going to say? Huh? No, I was sighing out loud. I'm sorry. Why did you tell us this story at a one- minute joke show? Because that's where I was going with it. I was going to try to do it really fast. But what was the final?

What was going to be the big thing at the end? The big like ta-da. The twist. Here was the twist of the story. When my mother gets upset and pissed off. Wait, wait, wait. Emo boy. The twist is he's still racist.

The twist is when my mother gets upset, she gets very southern. And she was late for the ceremony. Right, and she was mad. And then when she gets upset, this is what she said. Listen, I gotta get my ass to this goddamn ceremony right now. I don't know what the fuck you want me to do.

You say it's two miles out the way. That's fine. I don't give a shit. And the police officer is like, Jesus, this woman has blonde hair and blue eyes. And she's talking to me like she's about to beat my ass. I'll put the little son of a bitch in the trunk if that's what you want me to do. I need to go. My daddy's about to get his ceremony, and I need to go.

Are you just telling more of the story until you hit a funny part? Or I'm telling you the truth. It was a truthful story. That's what I planned on doing, and I'm sorry that it wasn't funny to you. No, Jimmy, relax. Jesus, you're such a little pussy. You've yelled the bear at me like four times already. I would like to apologize to all the angels in the sky

For what happened here I thought it was funny And good lord was I wrong I swear on my mammy's grand mammy That I would just try my best My mom would beat the shit out of this guy right now She would fuck him up She would fuck you up right now

Oh your mammy's grand mammy Whatever dude This trunk baby needs to chill out. And by the way, I would beat your mammy's grandmammy's fucking ass, just to let you know. Yeah! I don't know if you saw what my body

looks like, but check out the Weight Game Challenge 2017. Check my bod out on those weigh-ins, dude. Jimmy, have you ever done stand-up comedy before? No, sir. And you still haven't. Very good.

Thank you. What do you do for work? By the way, she put me in the trunk, and he agreed, and we went on through. I called it! Trunk baby! Jimmy, stick with me. Trunk baby, not trunk baby.

Jimmy, stick with me. Stop pretending like you're not trunk baby. Jimmy, Jimmy, stick with me. Stop pretending like you're about to just walk off whenever the fuck you want. Listen to me. Oh, Jesus, this guy's a badass. You can still leave it in the mic stand. Like, it doesn't go better. No, I like to hold it like Scott Whelan. I like to do kind of that emo thing that he does back there.

He makes Robert Smith. You're nothing like me. He makes Robert Smith look like Brian Gumbel. Jimmy, you are bombing so hard right now. Stick with me. That's what I'm trying to do. Don't bring me into your bomb, dude. Jimmy, so what do you do for a living?

Nothing. What did you used to do? I used to be a musician. Oh yeah, really? Is that really true? For a living? Yes, you're exactly right. I used to be a professional musician. You were in a band? Several.

What was the name of the last band you were in? Let's see. Several. For God knows. I can't place that right now. Any band? Any band you've ever been in? No. I used to open up for Stevie Ray Vaughan back when I was about 17.

That got a woo. Thank you. I appreciate that. Jimmy, I'm going to move on from you. I'm going to keep the show moving along. There he goes, Jimmy Tabor. Just some guy, doesn't really remember much of his past. First time ever on stage. I guess that's an interesting story. Could use some editing.

Lots and lots of editing, perhaps. So like a four-minute long story with no... That's one of those ones where you pull out a handkerchief and dot your forehead and go, Lord have mercy. You know, that's... But there you go. I mean, he gave it a shot. I don't know.

You listen to the fan? Or you listen to the show? You a fan of the show? Let me put it all together that way. Not anymore. Fuck yeah, I like that. Thank you, Jimmy. He actually said something funny.

Not anymore. Maybe that's the secret to your success, Jimmy. Maybe you're a sit-down comedian. Maybe you're best from the audience. You just bombed up here for six minutes, then you get down to your seat, you say one funny thing. All right, you know what? You're bombing again. There he goes. All right, I pulled another name out of the bucket.

You guys ready to keep this thing moving? All right, put your hands together for Matt Taylor. Anything can happen as you've seen so far tonight. This is a truly random bucket of names. Could be you. Y'all ever been so broke even homeless people

try to avoid you? Yeah. I was sitting in traffic on the way down here, and as soon as I made eye contact with one, he just looked away, rolled up his window, and locked his door. Yeah. The weird part was, though, he didn't even have a car. Yeah. He just had a random car door.

But either way, I get it, buddy. The thing is, like, I don't even want to be super rich. I don't. I just want to be wealthy enough that when I finish pumping gas, I don't feel the need to shake it all out at the end, you know? Every drop counts. Yeah, I don't know. I don't want to be that rich.

You know, like, rich people don't know I don't want to be that rich You know like rich people don't do that They just fill up all the way Then drive off into the sunset Meanwhile I'm at the counter like Let me get a 38 cents On pump 12 Alright Matt Taylor

So far tonight I'm pumped. 12. All right. Hell yeah. Matt Taylor. So far tonight, a lot of a new kind of comedy I haven't seen much of called sad comedy. This is a new alt movement clearly starting here in Nashville where it mostly just sort of makes you sad afterwards. A lot of comedy that we've seen in the past makes you happy, makes you laugh. Well, this is a new form. We're cutting edge right here live in Nashville. Anyway, I love that you're dressed like an 80s fanny pack. It's adorable.

Really incredible. I mean, you are ready to go to, like, some weird beach or maybe a river or something like that and really Miami Vice it up. I bought it because it looks like the carpet at a skate center. There you go. There's always something to woo about. Emo?

He looks like one of the people that got bullied on Saved by the Bell. Really is. I think I've seen that pattern on your shirt before. I think on the lady that used to cut my mom's hair's barber apron. Is that a fucking term? That's like barber apron print.

That's old jams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up, Matt? About six months. Six months. You get to go up a lot? You live here in Nashville? I live about 30 minutes south, so I come up here about once a week, one about once a week. That's how often you do stand up once a week here. You ever do it down

there where you live? Uh, they don't have many mics there, but when they do, yeah, it's about once a month. So what do you do for a living? Social work, social work, 30 minutes South of here or up here? In Murfreesboro, yeah. Say that again? In Murfreesboro, it's 30 minutes south. Murfreesboro. Fuck, yeah. So what type of social work do you do?

Like you help people or? I just do like behavioral health case management. So. Did you go to college for that? Mm-hmm. Where'd you go to school? MTSU. MTSU. MTSU.

What does MTSU stand for? Middle Tennessee State University. Wow, fuck yeah. Somebody got a scholarship back there. What's your guys' mascot? It's the Blue Raider. The Blue Raider. Yes, that's the sound of a Blue Raider right there. What the fuck's the Blue Raider. The Blue Raider. Yes, that's the sound

of a Blue Raider right there. What the fuck's a Blue Raider? You didn't even hesitate with that button like as if it said Blue Raider. You're just like, finally. The thing is like we're the Blue Raiders, but for some reason our mascot's a Pegasus, so.

A Pegasus is like a unicorn with wings or something, right? Yeah. My high school mascot was the Fighting Depressions. Yeah. Wow. Matt, how old are you? 30.

Hell yeah. Is this where you were born and raised? Pretty much. I moved here when I was eight. So yeah. What do your parents do? My mom's a psychologist and my dad is a analytical metallurgical sales engineer. What does that mean? I have no fucking clue.

You have no idea what your dad does? Yeah. He might be a contract killer at this point. I have no idea. So you close with your parents? Yeah. Pretty close. Hell yeah. You ever with your parents? Yeah, pretty close. Hell yeah.

You ever think about fucking them? No, not really. What? I mean, it's like a stereotype in the comedy world. Sometimes I've heard that people, they say out in the country, 30 minutes south of southern cities. Yeah. Well, I'm originally from Alabama,

so it's more of like our cousins than our parents. Thank you. Right, yeah, you wouldn't fuck your parents. You were close. Have you ever done anything with your cousin?

Um, no. Whoa! There was a hesitation there. You smelled the toilet seat after she went to the bathroom or something. Yeah. Something, right?

Yeah, maybe. You rub her underwear on your dick? Only twice. Maybe sniff the old pool noodle? Yeah, maybe. You rubber underwear on your dick? Only twice. Maybe sniff the old pool noodle? Once or twice. All right. What is the, have you ever looked at, you have female cousins?

Yeah. Around your age? Yeah. And you grew up with them? Yeah. And you were tempted a couple times, though, right? I think we all have those types of memories, right? No.

No? No. Are you sure? Yeah, pretty positive. God, your mom was a psychologist. You've been trained well. Yeah. I just tried to do Jedi mind trickery on you, and it didn't work.

I'm like, we all fuck our cousins, am I right? That's good. Well, that's fun, Matt. What think is the uh most like southern thing about you because it's not you know you sound like a country man but you sort of look like you know you sort of look like yeah you look like a school student and your mom's a psychologist your dad's an analytical uh engineer or whatever the fuck yeah so like So what do you think is the most hillbilly thing about you? If we could put it in that type of term.

Roll Tide. Oh my god. What the fuck just happened? For those of you listening to the podcast, the people in this room just pushed over a Civil War statue. This place is chaos right now

They all just ripped off their jackets And they're all wearing confederate flags What's going on What is Roll Tide I've never heard of that before That's the Alabama football program Basically It's a very

Roll Tide is whenever I eat a ton of Tide Pods And then pass out my room. That's what Roll Tide means to me. Wow. Matt, what's something that scares you? Surprisingly, probably stand-up. Other than stand-up. Like something more interesting than that.

Like fog on a mirror or... Human interaction. Like dolls? But you have to come up with your own answer. To be real. What'd you say? I only like clowns. Wow. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Has that been since you were a child?

Yeah, it's been for a while. Probably the movie It, I guess. Seen it a little too young. Man, you're boring as fuck. Sorry. No, I'm kidding, Matt. You're not that bad. You have it all together, though. I'm trying to figure out, like, what's something crazy about you that you wouldn't want these people to know,

but that's honestly something weird about you? Something weird about me? Yeah. Like you chew your toenails or something like that? No, I mean, I masturbate with the lights on all the time.

Wait, what? Yeah. With the lights on? You like to look at it? Yeah, I like to see what's going on down there. First of all, let me tell you something.

The next time you do stand-up, that's your new opening line. Hello, I'm Matt Taylor, and i masturbate with the lights on and you look right out there and you fucking let them know and just have people go like what yeah the fuck does he mean by that because then people want to know what are you looking at like when you say you masturbate with the lights on are you looking at uh like a magazine a mirror perhaps masturbate with the lights on, are you looking at a magazine, a mirror, perhaps? The lights being on would really... Like some American psycho shit? Anyway, what are you looking at physically when you're masturbating?

Like a laptop or an iPad or a phone or your imagination? Yeah, probably just pouring into Spank Bank. Wait, what? Spank bank. Well, I mean, that's two different... So what's the answer? You go to your imagination? Yeah, sometimes.

Really? Yeah, play the highlight reel. Damn, that's so hard to fucking do. Like your cousin on top of you just riding your face. Yeah, yeah. What was the last category of porn that you watched? What was it? Probably like some, I don't know, I feel like it's all taboo now.

It's kind of weird. So probably some stepsister shit. Ah, we're getting closer. Yeah. But surprisingly not cousin shit. Let me ask you something, though, because I'm sort of intrigued by you. Because we always have people on that look at porn, obviously. But you said that sometimes you use your imagination.

I don't know if I've ever really talked with anyone up here about ever using their imagination during masturbating. Is that something that... You don't do that? Well, I mean, who the fuck does? I have like a good ten different memories that you go, oh, that's easy to come to. What are you, an episode of Black Mirror? Only ten? No, I mean like ten

go-to spank bank, Matt. When I plug in my drive, I get to jerk off to one of ten of these stories. All right. Well, I mean, obviously I was trying to get it more out of him.

Yeah, I know. It was more an interview thing than my own things about it. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Somebody's ragging. Yeah, it's you. You're than my own things about it. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Somebody's ragging. Yeah, it's you. You're like freaking out over little shit.

This guy masturbates with the lights on. That's fascinating. Exactly. For me, I can't do it during the day. If the moon's not glowing, the blood's not flowing. All right. We've spent too much time with you, Matt. There you go, Matt Taylor.

Thanks, bud. He's on Twitter. It's short for Matthew. That was Kiss from a Rose by Seal. All right. Pull another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Graham. Graham.

One word. Could be fun. All right. So I've never considered myself a gambling man, but I have had a girlfriend. And let me tell you, that's one slot machine I'm never getting my money back from. Kind of a funny story how we broke up. She broke up with me because I'm a serial narcissist.

I took her on a date to a circus, and I had a massive relapse in the House of Mirrors. It's kind of weird. I know me being a narcissist, like real skinny. I kind of look like if Jack Skellington fucked a toothpick. It's also ironic that I'm skinny because I love pizza. I eat a lot of pizza. My favorite pizza right now is probably the Michael Richards special from Papa John's.

It's an all-white pizza, Alfredo base, mozzarella and provolone on top, and black olives on the side. And by on the side, I mean in the fucking trash can where they belong, upside down with a fork up their ass. And don't even get me started on the Louis C.K. special. It's basically the same thing, but without the black olives. All right. There you go, Graham. Fuck yeah, have a seat if you'd like. Here, slide.

First of all, stand your ass up. Put that stool back there. All right, stay there just like that. If you want, you know what, if you want, in fact I want you to sit down. Take the stool, push it closer to the curtain. No, that way. That way. All the way. As far as you can go. Yeah, just like that. Sit there just like that.

Alright. First of all, Graham, you look like a really nice guy that's actually a really bad guy. But you're putting on like a disguise nice guy that's actually a really bad guy. But you're putting on a disguise to be likable and sweet tonight, and you're not fooling me. Per usual, you're not far off. Is that true? You're a douchebag? I've been told that, yeah.

Fuck yeah. What's one of the douchiest things you've done lately? Called a girl a slot machine. Emo kid's not wrong. Yeah, I would say that's probably it. Don't really have any bad blood with my last relationship, but I would say, you know. But what's something you've done that's just like,

you know, sort of cold-blooded to anyone lately? I wouldn't really say it's cold-blooded, but about a month ago I took my friends to a bar, and he made out with this really gross chick, took a video of it, and I've been showing everybody, and he hates it. That's perfect. How bad was it?

It's gross. I can show you after the show if you really want to see it. I'd love to see that. It's honestly so gross, it's probably something you'd be into, right, man? How long have you been doing stand-up? What's Band. How long have you been doing stand-up? What's that? How long have you been doing stand-up?

This is my first time. Wow, very good. Funniest of the night so far. Fucking first time for Graham. I even have a good note for you. In your Papa John's bit, you make it about Michael Richards for no reason when you could make it about the actual Papa John's bit, you make it about Michael Richards for no reason when you could make it about the actual Papa John's guy.

The Papa John's guy recently just got fired for supposedly saying, you know. Exactly, and Michael Richards obviously did what he did, so it's sort of merging the two, something current. I don't think you need it. I think it undates it. Instead of it being this joke from when Michael Richards was racist like a decade ago or something crazy, all of a sudden it's an amazing joke that looks like you've written it in the past week by making it about the Papa John's guy. Well, that's why I said Papa John's.

If I would have said Domino's or something like that, then maybe it would have been outdated. But since I said Papa John's. No, you just don't need the Michael Richards part. My girlfriend was 12 when that happened. She's not going to know that. That's it would be outdated. But since I said Papa John's. You just don't need the Michael Richards part. My girlfriend was 12 when that happened. She's not going to know that. That's what I'm saying. And that happens sometimes when you're writing a bit. You write it one way about one thing,

and then you realize, oh shit, this thing's right in front of me, and it's a whole different bit now. And that's what it should be. It should just be a fucking Papa John's bit about an all-white pizza. When you said the thing about the olives, it seemed like there was a lot of hate in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whenever Michael Richards did that, it starts out, he's like, 50 years ago, I would have had you hung upside down with a fork up your ass. You don't need that. You don't need any of that. You don't need the black olives part. But you had me at all-white pizza for a second, if that makes any sense. It seemed to make some sense. My mom used to order an all white pizza.

That was her move. All white pizza with green and red peppers. I never was into it. Doesn't give you stomach acid like some people who are sensitive to tomatoes. It's true. Are you sensitive to tomatoes? Are you sensitive to tomatoes? I fucking hate tomatoes, man.

What? You hate tomatoes? Wow. See, interesting that I asked. Who fucking hates tomatoes? What else do you hate? America? I mean.

Do you hate America, Graham? What? Yeah, Tony. I hate America. I mean, at times, yeah. What do you do for work? You look like you wear an apron. I work at a distributor for fishing rods and some...

Do you wear an apron? No, I don't. Oh, fuck. So fishing rods? Yeah, just different fishing. Reels, lures, things like that, yeah. Do you know a lot about fishing rods? Yeah, I've been fishing since I could walk, basically, yeah.

Wow. What were you doing before you could walk? Crazy thing about fishing is it seems like walking isn't really a part of it at all. Seems like it's one of the only things you could probably give baby a credit for doing. Is that why you're so athletic from all the fishing? Yeah, actually, yeah. I'm athletic actually because I avoid sugar. That's for no reason for my

health. It's just I listened to the Joe Rogan experience once. I'm on keto. Wow. Why do you look like a model for a young dad gap catalog? Good one. Normally when you say good one, it would mean that it wasn't good,

but that actually was a good one. And I didn't like your tone that you just had with my emo friend over there. I was trying to match his mood. All right, well, don't. Graham, you good with the ladies? You seem like a pretty suave. You seem like Nashville suave to me. Exactly.

Like you'd be like, hey, what's up, babe? Dropping shit in drinks, right? Yeah, and then some. No, I wouldn't say so. You seem like you would hit on some girl that you know has a boyfriend. Am I right? No. How old are you?

21. Oh, are you? 21. Oh, you're just 21. Yeah, exactly. In six, seven years, all the things I've been saying about you are going to be true. When you're as old as I thought you were this whole time, you're going to be trying to bang tough dudes' girlfriends. You're going to be getting beat up in bars. You're going to be wearing an

apron at your job. Graham, what's an interesting fun fact about you that we would find interesting? I mean, a lot of you guys probably can't see it, but if you look at my right leg, we've got a scar right here. This time last year, I couldn't walk without crutches. I broke my leg playing soccer.

I mean, we actually talked before the Fort Wayne show. You probably don't remember, but I was sort of listening to your show. It was something that kind of got me through whenever I was by myself. Oh, that's fucking awesome. Well, look at that. That's really cool. Boo-hoo, I've got lots of scars.

I love it. Some people were booing the fact that he listens to my show and it helped him recover. I love the bullies in the corner over there. That's so fun. You guys must be such happy people deep down inside. For your first time, that was amazing. It was the best one tonight so far. It was pretty ridiculous.

There he goes everybody. Graham. His first time ever on stage. He did it right in front of you live here in Nashville. It's a pretty fucking mellow crowd. You guys having fun out there? How many of you like it when the comedians do good up here? How many of you like to see people bomb?

It's a fun show. Alright, I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Sam C. Sam C. What's going on, guys? I'm 6'9", 330 pounds. So I've never seen an old person my size. So let's get this out of the way, because I could die at any moment.

But anyhow, it's kind of fucked up, dehumanizing, be a human rhinoceros. I could have a heart attack on stage, and by about noon tomorrow, my mom would say, well, he was a big boy. And no one would really be surprised. But, hey, you know, fuck. I'm up here aging like a Great Dane. Shit, once I stop being useful, y'all going to take me out back and shoot me between the eyes like Seabiscuit

That's alright though, I kind of expect it It's not the worst thing being 6'9", I'm uncomfortable now so I'm gonna move this stool But it's not the worst thing being 6'9", you know I only get freaky girls, I haven't seen an unpierced nipple since I was in the 10th grade But, you know, I think that Fuck yeah but uh you know I think that fuck yeah Sam C. ladies and gentlemen holy shit

that was ups and downs emo why do I feel like his last words are gonna be hold the door hold the door that was incredible

you know Tony Jeremiah's character The emo character Is actually making A lot of sense tonight Everyone's fucking Sad as fuck out here Like what the hell happened

I like this guy I've never gotten to see Like you're very like Pro wrestler Pro wrestler-esque This is incredible I got confused for one At Smackdown

What? I got confused for one At Smackdown I bet You're like Bomb Strowman That's for That's for three nerd What? I got confused for one at SmackDown. I bet. You're like Bob Strowman. That's for three nerds in the crowd. That's one of them right there.

Look how happy that guy is right there. Fuck yeah, you got that one. Still real to me, damn it. Sam, what the fuck are you? I do a lot. I do artist development. What? It's Nashville, so it's a real thing.

But artist development, so i do like uh you know pictures video help brands run a couple social media accounts for people he asked what you were yeah no that makes sense too i'll take anything any of your answers uh you you you an athlete of any kind oh i used to play rugby but nah i'm not used to play rugby yeah holy fucking shit how bad would that suck to be on that other team, right? Like, oh, coach, I'm not feeling so good. What the fuck? Yeah.

How old are you? 27. 20 fucking 7. You ever thought about being like a pro wrestler or anything fucking awesome? Yeah. Most people aren't just 6'9", fucking whatever the fuck you just said. I do cool shit, though, so

I always kind of use that as a motivation. I'm shitty at basketball. I would be a waste of a 6'9 person if I wasn't something else cool besides an athlete or a pro wrestler. How easily could you lift me? I don't know.

Are you super... Are we doing it? Here we go. Wow. Watch out. There's a speaker up there. Fuck yeah. He lifted Jeremiah up with great ease.

And for those of you listening to the podcast, Jeremiah is a fat fuck. It's incredible. He's like 400 pounds. Yeah. That's the highest I've ever felt. I like you a lot, Sam. If I didn't like you, I would have you try to lift up Red Band.

Like you just looked at Jeremiah. Now let me try to lift you. Well, I've got i gotta be real now i've got a buddy that would stab me in my sleep if i didn't try to convince y'all to have him up here he put me on this podcast like two weeks ago told me to listen to it you're gonna get stabbed in your sleep anyway uh worth a shot fuck yeah thank god so uh you have a girlfriend no you seem like you'd be into like shorter chicks, right? Yeah.

Guys like you are always like it's always like some like four foot five little fucking. My brother's 6'7". His wife's 4'11". Wow. Whoa. He's into lift and carry. Jesus. Your brother's 6'7"?

You guys have any sisters? No. Just three, two, three. That'd be hilarious if you had a sister That was like 7'2 Fuck What does your brother do? He's uh Works for Deloitte He's smart and rich

Works for what? Deloitte He's an investment consultant Damn Yeah One's a federal lawyer One's an investment consultant And I just like

Bombed a good 45 seconds To stand up And then had a good joke At the end No you didn't That was great Is the other one Is the other one Giant too?

No, he's 6'3". Wow. He's only 6'3". Is he the oldest one? He's the oldest one. He's the oldest one. Oldest and the smallest. God, I didn't really fuck with him.

He's tiny. He's a tiny man. Emo Jeremiah. What does your mom's vagina look like? Jesus. I got limits, man. You mean all gravel lips? I bet your mom's vagina

looks like an Outback Steakhouse Bloomin' Onion. Oh. You ever see one of those? Just fucking. Have you ever seen your mom's vagina?

I'm, I'm, uh. Oh, that sounds like a yes to me. I mean, I was born. Um, um, um, um, um, um, was born i didn't ask if you ate your mom's vagina jesus my god sam uh how the fuck do you maintain that type of size like how much what's a fucking meal look like for a guy like you just don't stop you just kind of eat all day it's like grazing kind of you know and it's an excuse to eat all the time because like

yeah you get big uh you know and you do like the uh well i don't know in the south you got like potlucks at church they'll throw the big man portions on there just for being big you stack your plate it's a nice thing take that eating discipline to pussy and then you'll have a girlfriend there you go so you're single yeah. You been going on dates at all? Eh. I was a tour manager for a good while, so just got off the road doing that. Hell yeah. That was probably fun, right?

Do I know? Whose tour were you managing? A band called Muskin on Bloodline. Oh, okay. They're like a modern day blues traveler, they say, right? Do I know? Nothing. So there was a lot of ladies out there on the road.

You took some of them back to your hotel room or something like that. Treated them like fleshlights. Jesus. What the fuck? He's here for it, man. He's here for it. Did you do it with the lights on? Jesus.

Have you ever crushed a girl on top of her? I think crushers when it's a skinny dude and a fat girl, right? Sorry, you know, a large woman. I don't know. I mean, anyway, you ever crush a girl before? Uh-uh. You got to be careful. I've had phobia of it, you know?

You know what I'm saying? I mean, hey, sorry. But when you're a big dude, you got to be, you hurt people on accident, scare people. If I bought you a midget prostitute, would you fuck her? She's not. You guys want to close the show later in a crazy way? No. Does anybody know any midget hookers out here in Nashville? This will be a kill Tony first.

Tinkle lives out here, right? Tinkle? I don't know what you're talking about. My roommate's actually a midget hooker. It's kind of weird. What? He said, no, I'm just kidding. You went for that, though.

Hell yeah. It's a dream. So you like doing this artist management thing? It's fun. Yeah, I love it. Really? Yeah. I like the creative stuff.

I like to write. Do that whole thing. And you get to work with a company? We've got one. It's an independent thing. They're not signed yet, so... We do. I, like, help out with videos.

It's weird that I get paid for it. But, yeah. Help out with music videos, write treatments, all that whole thing. Wow. That is really interesting. Man, that's fun. What else about you, Sam? What are you afraid of?

You seem like you could... If crabs could fly. Like, beach crabs. if they could fly. Crowds? Beep, beep. Is that specific? Well, you asked him, so I thought about it, and that's always been something for me.

I used to live at the beach, and small things that can still fuck up your day scare me. Horses, I don't like horses. When I see people that are bigger than me, it fucks up my day because I don't normally. Wow. I can relate. My greatest fear is if bats could walk.

It's the same thing. All right, Sam. Well, it was nice to meet you, dude. There you go. Sam C., everybody. We're moving along. It's a lot of names in this bucket. One more time for Sam C., everyone.

Man. My friend would stab me in my sleep. He's afraid of his friend. Put your hands together for Nick Bush. Here we go. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Nick Bush. All right, keep it going for me. Keep it going for me.

I'm a college professor. I am. That's the right amount of applause because it's just community college. It's just community college. I teach English, so basically reading, writing, and plagiarism studies. That's basically what I focus on there. Had a student come to class late one time, hair messed up, makeup messed up. She's like, I don't have my paper. I was sick all weekend.

I was like, you were sick? What's with that X on your hand with the marker if you were so sick? She's like, X on your hand with the marker if you were so sick? She's like, oh, this is where the doctor gave me a shot because I went to the hospital. It's creative writing class, so I gave her an A. What can I do? And it's community college. She gets a B for showing up. That's just the rule.

That's just. I'm on summer break. I'm enjoying it. I'm getting a check from my job not to come to work. That's right, I'm getting a check. I'm like a cop in trouble for racism. That's basically what's going on right now. Can we stop acting like suspended with pay is a punishment?

It's just a vacation where you got to pretend to be sad. And you can't post pics online. All right. Did you have a... Fuck, yeah. You could do it all. You won the light heavyweight and the heavyweight UFC championship. And now here you are doing stand-up comedy. The scrubbiest version of Daniel Cormier I've ever seen in my life.

This is very exciting. Nick Bush, welcome to the show. This is your first time on here, right? Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? About 18 months. 18 months. You knew exactly the goddamn start date,

and I like that. What do you do for work? College professor. Teaching? You're a real college professor? Yep. Wow, what college? This place called Motlow State.

Motlow State. We got a couple? All right, all right. There's one bad student back there. college uh this place called motlow state we got a couple all right all right there's there's a there's one uh bad student back there so that's like uh that's like a community college yeah and what uh what do you teach there english english wow yeah man is that tough no it's pretty easy just grading just that's the only thing that sucks. Everything else is fine. You have to read a lot of papers. Yeah, a lot of shitty papers.

I always sort of wonder that about fucking teachers. Like, that seems like absolute hell. It is. How do you get through that? Are there certain things that you do that, you know... A lot of drinking. No, you just read them as fast as you can. Just read them as fast as you can. There's no...

Right. Yeah. And then how long have you been doing that for? Jeez. You just read them as fast as you can. Just read them as fast as you can. There's no. Right. Yeah. And then how long have you been doing that for? Jeez. About eight years. Eight years. How old are you?

32. 32. So you started that when you were 24. Yeah. You ever try to bang any of the students? No, no. I knew you were going to ask me that. No.

No. My first year, one of my friends got in trouble for that, that pretty much, yeah. One of your friends, the student or the teacher? There's definitely a couple that you're like, you masturbate too with the lights on. I was going to say, only with the lights on though, only with the lights. For sure. What craziest thing that's ever happened in your classroom um it's not a lot of crazy shit I mean these two girls got in a fight

because like she was making fun of the other girls tan and so they started yelling at each other and they got in an argument over tan when you say that they were making fun of the other girls tan by the way does it sound good out there to

you or does it seem like I could be louder? Louder, louder, louder. Is the sound guy here? Lucy, are you here? We need to choose like all the way, like fucking just blast that shit. It's just unbearably low and I feel like it keeps getting quieter as the episode goes on.

So what the fuck? Okay, now it's too loud. Now it's too loud. To go halfway between where you were and now, of course, I fucked it up. For those of you that listen to the episodes and go, why is the sound so fucked up? This is why, because the sound's

fucked up live, and then we adjust it, and then it's fucked up. That's cool. You're a college professor. I went to college. MBD. LMU. My dad didn't love me university. Oh shit. Come to my low. So when

you say the two girls were fighting over a tan, was it because the tan was what? Well this was before Trump but she called her orange. She's like, you look like an orange bitch right now. Whoa.

No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah. So I had to break up the fight. I had to be an adult, you know? Yeah, did you accidentally grab boobs and stuff breaking it up? Like, oh, no. I love when a tit comes out.

Yeah, I did. I accidentally, no. But did she look like an orange bitch? No comment. No comment on that. So, Nick, that's interesting. Do any of the students ever try to, like, talk shit to you or, like, get one over on you or anything like that ever?

Because I'd imagine you get sort of, like, some, you bad students right yeah yeah it's usually a dude in the class trying to impress a girl and i shut that shit down within the first two weeks yeah but anyone ever get an attitude with you yeah yeah can you you know what i'm gonna be the student in the classroom let's just say you just walked in all right and it's my first day, and you're introducing me. So start your lesson. I'm going to call and roll. All right. Yeah, start your lesson.

All right. In Hamlet. Hey, hey, Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush. Hey, fuck you. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute. That is not... You didn't do the reading, did you?

That's what you did. That is I didn't do the reading response, isn't it? God damn it, you got me, Mr. Bush. You know what? I'm going to put myself in detention. Go sit next to the orange bitch in the back of the classroom. Oh, shit. Emo Jeremiah?

Hey, Mr. Bush, I'm going to kill myself. What are you going to do about it? I'll give you enough space to do so. I mean, I don't want to get in your way or anything. I mean, I'm here to I'm here to help you be successful regardless of what that is. Here's the gun. Help me do it.

Help me do it. No, no, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I love you too much, emo boy. My name's Darwin. I want to see you become emo man.

I do. That's Alright. Good job. That's. All right. Good job, Nick Bush. You fucking did it. So you've been doing stand up for 18 months all here in Nashville. Yeah.

Well, I've done a show in Birmingham and a couple in Kentucky. You were born and raised here. Yeah. Yeah. What's your favorite thing about Nashville? The weather. Oh. What the fuck are you talking about it's humid as fuck out there

listen to that angry meteorologist over there what about the weather do you like I like that I get four seasons and that it gets hot but not too like deadly humidity and like it's horrible to live in that's recent though that's cause of global warming though

that's not anything it's always been like oh shit don't you dare say I don't know if you've looked I'm losing the crowd I know I know you just said global warming exists in front of these people I apologize as if they didn't have enough reasons to hate you already Nick

global warming and roll tide they don't go together. That's... Wow. There we go. Okay, well, fun times up here, Nick. It was fun talking to you. A real grown college professor and a comedian

coming up right here in Nashville. Nick Bush, everybody. That was the Jurassic Park theme. Wow. How fun. Shut the fuck up. You ladies need to shut up. I'm so sick of hearing this little fucking gaggle of geese over here.

You guys aren't cute. You're not chimey. I get it. You're Nashville hot cute. You're not chimey. I get it. You're Nashville hot, but you're nothing to me. Shut up. Be quiet. It's very important. My dad told me that every day growing up.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Tim Shawley. Shawley? Shavley? Tim Shawley? Shanty? Shavley? Could be anything. I know it's on this fucking guy again. Sit down. Oh, that's weird.

Blacklisted. Somebody just got fucking Nashville blacklisted. How does that even happen? Someone chickened out. That's what. Blacklisted. Somebody just got fucking Nashville blacklisted. How does that even happen? Someone chickened out. That's what happened there. Someone right now's balls are sweating. All right. This should be interesting.

Just one word. Put your hands together for Jimmy. It's Jimmy. Jimmy underscore Hatcha on Twitter. Here comes Jimmy. I believe this is Jimmy. Jimmy underscore Hatcha on Twitter. Here comes Jimmy. I believe this is Jimmy. The slowest walker in the world. Jimmy, everybody.

Had a long day today. Went to a funeral earlier. My friend died. He owed me $45. I'm not going to get that back. Shout out to all the women that like to lick booty. I like that. I had a girl lick my ass once,

and she done something I wasn't prepared for. She blew in my ass. And I farted. There you go. Jimmy, everybody. Fucking got it. That was awesome. Thanks, Joey. Nice to meet you, Jimmy.

Nice to meet you. How long have you been doing stand-up? First time. Are you serious? Get the fuck out of here. No way. Oh, shit. You're going to be a monster, dude.

How old are you? 30. What? 30. 30, and you're just starting now. Yes. That's incredible. Yeah.

Wow. What made you want to start now? I don't know. I listen to podcasts every week. I just wanted to try it. God damn, that is so fucking cool. Appreciate it. You listen to this podcast every week, and you've always wanted to try it.

Yes. That is amazing. You got Chappelle down, like down exactly like the vibe of Chappelle just sitting down there. It's pretty amazing that's your first time. You seem very comfortable on stage. I'm not. I love that.

I love that. Nobody really is, by the way. When people look comfortable, that's something that's learned. You got to remember that even if it was Chappelle, even Chappelle every night has to go up with his reputation on the line, with that having to follow all the work that he's done, with people's expectations being like the second season of his sketch show,

which is so hard to beat. So that never ends from your first time all the way through. It's just appearing comfortable, and you already have that down, I think is what Brian was saying. Jimmy, that's fucking very impressive.

You live here in Nashville, born and raised? Born and raised, East Nashville. East Nashville. Hell yeah, look at this crowd. Now they think you're one of the good ones. Man. So what do you do for work? I'm a mailman.

You're a mailman? Holy shit. That's fucking awesome. Wow. How long have you been doing that for? About five years. Five years. Damn, that's cool. Did you been doing that for? About five years Five years?

Damn that's cool Did you get any good shit? You ever have like turf wars with the Amazon guy or anything like that? Nah just UPS and FedEx Fuck those guys right? You're a goddamn American hero. You ever have dogs chase you? No, I feed the dogs, so they like me. You have, like, little biscuits on you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. You have any on you right now? Okay. Hell yeah. People always nice to you? No. Really?

No. What's, like, something mean that's happened to you when you're out there on your route? I've had mail thrown back at me. What? Who the fuck throws their mail back at you? That's crazy. Old people. Old people. They don't like getting bills.

Yeah, I know. It gets scary. They ever throw the mail at you and at the same time yell, get out? And you realize that you're basically in a movie? Not yet. Not yet. Anyway. Old people, be crazy. Jimmy, what do you do for fun?

What do you do when you're not delivering mail? You just started stand-up. You're 30 years old. What you been doing with yourself? I got kids, I raised. Oh, cool. How old are your kids? I have a four-year-old and an eight-year-up. You're 30 years old. What you been doing with yourself? I got kids. How old are your kids? I have a 4-year-old and an 8-year-old. Two girls. Hell yeah. Look at that. 4 and 8. I fucking love it.

That's interesting. Do you think you're going to do comedy again? Is this something that you just wanted to do once or are you going to try it again? I wanted to do it once but I'd give it a go. I'd give it another shot. I think you certainly should. That's incredible, Jimmy. Four and eight.

You still with your baby mama? No. No? What happened there? Just everything sort of flickered out? Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Let me say that.

Let me say that. Hell yeah. You back on the dating scene? You been having fun? I talked to someone. Yeah, I of. Let me say that. Mm-hmm. Let me say that. Hell yeah. You back on the dating scene? You been having fun? I talk to someone. Yeah, I bet you do. When the husband goes to work, the mailman will deliver, right? Put a little something in her fucking postage box, right?

Last time you came here, you met her. You tried to holler at her last time. What? What the hell are you talking about? Shut the fuck up. I did not try to holler at your girl. There's no fucking way.

There's no way. That's impossible. That's absolutely impossible. This is awesome. Tony just got called out for being a douche. What was the... Did she have a beard on or anything? Was it worth it?

One person. Go ahead. What did happen there? Last time you done stand up here. Here in Nashville. Yeah, yeah. You were with her? Yeah.

You were standing next to her? Yeah. And what made you think that I tried to pick her up? What did I say? You grabbed her hand. Let me ask you something, Jimmy. When I grabbed her hand, did I grab it like this?

Nice to meet you. Because I'm telling you, that is the only fucking way I grabbed your girl's hand here. Whatever else you saw was an accident. Maybe I thought it was Red Band or something like that.

Sometimes we have codes that we do via Morris Code here. What the fuck do you mean? When he grabbed her hand, what did he do? Did he kiss her or smell her? How he held it was like, hold on. Like, what's going on? Get the fuck out of here. That move has never been in my repertoire my entire life, sir.

I've never been a hand holder and I refuse. Objection. There's no way this could have been me. This had to have been. Now, did you see it or did she tell you? Because that's the huge difference. I was right. There is no fucking way.

Let's go to the tape. What are you talking about? You're saying I was walking out of here. You were standing there signing posters. I was signing posters and you two were walking out and you saw me hold her hand. No, she spoke to you and

she was trying to walk away. You still had a little firm grip on it. You are hilarious. There's no fucking way. I believe him. Why would he make this shit up? Because I wouldn't just, oh, you're not going anywhere. Was he drunk?

Was it like a two-show night? Oh, you're not going anywhere. Was he drunk? Was it like a two-show night? He was talking about the warm pussy. And she had the... Listen, let me tell you. If I held her hand for longer, it's because,

it's specifically because I was finishing talking about something or something like that. I have to agree with Tony on this one. The darker the girl, the better the world. What? All right. And I mean that physically, literally, and mentally.

All right. Well, I mean, this was an unbelievable first time on stage. One of my favorite interviews ever. I love it. There he goes. Jimmy, everybody. Fuck yeah. Jimmy. I love it. There he goes. Jimmy, everybody. Fuck yeah. Jimmy. Jimmy.

That might have been one of the most funniest things I've heard in a long time. Yes, one of the most funniest things. Do you think that really happened? For real? What do you think you were doing? I 100% just said live in between during the interview that if anything, if there was anything extra at all in which I was literally like,

that means I'm finishing saying something to someone. I'm aware if I was just signing posters. Did I take a picture with her or you guys were just in line saying hi? Did you get a poster? You were just on your way walking out. Did Are you

So stay woke. Let me get this right. Let me get this right. You're telling me that you're just on there taking pictures with people over there signing posters, right? This is your story. And then you, Jeremiah, fucking relax for a second.

I'm already trying to yell across the goddamn room to the guy. And your story. My peanut butter chocolate cake with Kool-Aid. Idiots, I tell you. fucking idiots everywhere tonight it's just like they just check out once in a while so very good yes yes continue the sabotage jeremiah very good so you're saying that as you left with the rest of the audience also leaving in a venue like this. And at the end of the show, I appear over there. I'm signing posters. And you don't say anything?

She came up to me. What do you mean she didn't come up? Then how would I be talking to her? Why did we let him go? We still need more of this interview, right? Stop. Stop. Stop. Jeremiah, what the fuck?

I'm talking to the guy from across the room. What are you doing? I was playing really low. Nobody can even hear that. I can fucking hear it. Dude, literally nobody could hear it. I was playing to myself, and I was learning the song Jungle Fever, okay?

All right, fuck it. We'll get back to the normal format of the show. Let's just keep the fun train moving along. Your story doesn't make any fucking sense. And I liked you, Jimmy. I fucking liked you right up to the very end. Telling me that I'm shouting out at some guy's girlfriend. Get the fuck out of here. There's no goddamn way.

Jeremiah. I pulled another name out of the bucket put your hands together for Matt Koss here he comes one of these guys is Matt Koss so I turned 35 this year, and I think I may be experiencing a midlife crisis. I lay awake at night pondering the value of my own existence, and all I want to do is buy a Jeep Wrangler. Jeeps are amazing because they're like hormone replacement therapy

on wheels. Like you get in, take it for a spin, start out bald and fat. When you get out, you got a ponytail and an erection that may last more than four hours. But I feel like a midlife crisis is kind of a white guy thing, you know? Women, black guys, Latinos, you have a decent job, good friends, good family. What more could you need? Like, you never hear about an Asian guy leaving his engineering job to go try to eat a hot dog at every Major League Baseball stadium in America so that he can blog about it. But if your white friend tells you that's what he's going to do,

it's like, yes, bro, what have you been waiting for? Fuck yeah, Matt Koss. This is your first time on stage? No, two weeks ago was my first time. Two weeks ago. Fuck yeah. You're still all wound up around the mic stand there. You're on the old short leash.

That's how I like to do it. That's how I knew. It's a dead giveaway. Anyway, Matt, that's awesome. So you started two weeks ago? Yeah. Were you prepping for this? Did you know that we were coming here?

No. You did an open mic or you just randomly started? No, I just randomly started. I did an open mic two weeks ago. And then I saw your show name on the marquee of zany's and then i was like i think i know what i've heard of that so then i hear you then i hear you on the fighter and the kid and i was like that's the show that's coming to zany so i just binge listen to your podcast listen to like eight hours in the last three days. Is your girlfriend here?

Tony's hungry. Yes, I'm hungry. Yes, I'm hungry, everyone. Is your girlfriend here? No, I'm married. My brother's here. You married your brother? What the fuck?

There's two different sentences. Yeah, I the fuck? Hell yeah. Two different sentences. Yeah, no, I know. Two weeks. That's fun. You've been wearing the same shirt for those two weeks, right? Does it look wrinkled? You can't really. I guess it's more my seat. You could tell how wrinkled it is. It looks like you

had it in a condom before the show or something. It was at the bottom of the clean clothes pile. Hell yeah. How old are you? 35. 35. How long have you been married for? 12 years. Damn. 12 years. Do you have kids? Four kids.

Four kids. Oh my god. Have you heard of pulling out? That's some real fucking... I only got four. You're like a real southern, like a Christian guy, right? You guys go to church on Sundays? No, not anymore.

Used to be that guy, yeah. Hell Satan. What happened? Why'd you stop going to church? How much time you got? Why'd you stop going to church? How much time you got? Why'd you stop going to church? You know, you just start to question things, and you don't have all the answers, so...

By the way, if you're wondering who started that applause break, it's the guy bombed going up first. So really following in the foot... Where there was one set of footprints, By the way, if you're wondering who started that applause break, it's the guy bombed going up first. So really following in the foot. Where there was one set of footprints, it's because there is no God. I lead the Church of Baby Wolves. Would you like to join our congregation? Sounds cool.

Tight. You have two boys, two girls? That's it. How'd you guess? It was just a random guess. It's like you would. Yeah. It seems like you would, like, dress them the same and shit, and, like, they're all, like, you guys are, like, all, like, weird,

blonde hair, blue eyed, like. Yeah, the boys have blonde hair, blue eyes. The girls have dark eyes, dark hair. Wow. You guys are like the white trash Lannisters. Matt, what do you do for work? Marketing. What?

Marketing. What are you marketing for? We do... I don't want to get you in trouble. So it's a big company or something like that. No, it's, we do. I don't want to get you in trouble, so. If it's a big company or something like that. No, it's a small company. We do audio video production stuff.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, that's fun. What do you like to do for fun when you leave the kids at home and the wife and, you know, the everything that you have, your favorite little grill and lawnmower and your perfect, your perfect little life with your two-car garage and the little fucking flower pot thing that you keep your front door key underneath, right? It's a turtle with the shell comes off.

Ah, you son of a bitch. Hey, lady, do I need to remind you to shut the fuck up? Your opinion means less than nothing. You're annoying. It's all about me. So annoying. And your boo during the other guys With the other comedians set up was horrible

All girls with extended labias act like that Yeah exactly Exactly No it's true No don't try to over exaggerate it We know it's just true Big Lips Johnson over here Yep

She puts lotion on them every day Because they get dry Matt you ever been with a girl with giant labias like that girl sitting right there on the edge? Negative ghostwriter. Negative? Even after your wife had four kids, everything stayed in like that, huh? Didn't all come untucked?

Yeah. Alright. Matt, what's the how do you keep things fun in the bedroom with you and the lady after 12 years of marriage? What's your secret? D'Angelo. Michael.

Wow. Didn't see that one coming. Really? What? Like the music? The music. Yeah, you put that on and she's ready to go, huh? D'Angelo?

Wow, that's interesting. That's my shit. Are you into cuck holding? No. Alright, well. Do you ever use the blood of the innocent as lube? The what? Do you ever use the blood of the innocent

as lube? No. Well, maybe you should think about it. I will. I'll write that down. All right, Matt. Well, you seem interesting. But I'm right.

You have, like, that perfect little setup. What do you have? Like, a bedroom each for the girls and a bedroom for the boys? That's it. And you and your wife and another one. Yeah. And you have like a little, you don't have your own tool shed,

but you have a little area in the garage with like your stuff, like dad's stuff. I have like a shelf. Yeah. Yeah. With a toolbox on it. Yeah. What else?

What else do you have? You have like one of those green egg grills or something like that. I was just about to say that. Yeah. That's what I, yeah. Is that true? Are you fucking serious?

Are you fucking with me? You've been reading my mail for the last 15 minutes. Well, I'm friends with the mailman here. He just threw that shit at you. Alright, Matt. We're just going to keep it moving along. That was a lot of fun. You just started two weeks ago.

You're in it, dude. You're in the game. Matt Cox. Let's keep flying through. We have so many people. You guys having fun out there? I swear to God. Let's have some fun here. You guys watching up there on that stairway? Now watch.

Let's play a game. Let's play a fun game called This is a Real Fucking Live Show. That's the game. We've never seen this one before in podcast history. If one of these chicks says one more fucking word, take that entire table out. All right? Their party. I don't think the people,

I don't think the people behind them, I don't think the people behind them are with them. Right. This guy's got fucking handcuffs, lady. You're fucked. Not one word. Not a fucking word. Don't even respond to this. Fuck yeah. Whoa. There it is! How dare you? Let's give him one more chance, because I truly think she's just that fucking stupid. She might be in the spectrum. And if the guys that are with her want to give it a fucking shot to shut her up,

that might help, but I guess I see who controls the fucking sex in this relationship. I guess she's the boss. I don't think fucking little Luigi over here is gonna really stop her. Alright,

but you keep an eye on it, alright? You see her yell one more fucking thing, I want you to grab her like this is live PD. Yeah! Let's do this shit. Back to the bucket we go. With no interruptions.

Put your hands together. This looks interesting for Clay Crump. Clay Crump. It's this guy. Clay Crump, everybody. Man, I got fleas at my house. And they're everywhere.

They're in the living room, they're in the kitchen, they're in the bedroom. And it pisses me off. Because they've been fucking. They've been getting drunk on mine and my pussycat's blood and they've been fucking everywhere in the kitchen in the living room in the bedroom i haven't even had sex in this place

yet i just moved in like three years ago and they're fucking in my bed. It's more like in the carpet on the floor next to the bed, but hundreds of tiny flea orgasms going on daily. I'm glad I can't hear them. I'd hate to have to jerk off at night after listening to fleas fucking all day. And they say to get rid of fleas, you've got to be aware of the flea reproductive cycle. Oh, I'm aware.

They've been fucking. Fuck yeah. Blake Crump. Testing his, clearly running his BET comic, if you set for us. That one's called Fleas Be Fucking. Do you really have fleas at your place? Because I live in an equestrian district, like a bunch of horses, and I have fleas all over the fucking place. They're starting to get bad.

Yeah. Wow. They're starting to get bad. Yeah. Wow. You guys are both disgusting. Yes. It's fucking incredible.

Clay, we met you on, what was that, last week? We were in Cincinnati. Yeah. So you drove all the way here from Cincinnati. I am a diehard, diehard kill Tony face. Fuck yeah. Look at that. See that?

For all you haters out there, look at our fans. Leonard Skinner dropout. Look like you survived the plane crash. Fuck yeah. So, Clay, we met you in Cincinnati. That was a good set there, if I remember correctly. Fuck yeah. Thank you very much, Joe.

All the way through. Remind us, what do you do for a living? I'm an electrical contractor. I remember now. You fucked a Navy SEAL's wife. Well, yeah. That was me. Yes, Tony.

Wow, look at that. I think some people have already listened to that episode. This is the guy, by the way, if you're wondering what the opposite of an American hero looks like. Watch out. This is the guy that fucked a Navy SEAL. Any Navy SEALs out there?

Any former? No, I don't think that's what the Navy SEALs do, Brian. Wah! Charlie. I don't think they do bad Al Pacino impressions. Wah! Wah! Well, how's life been since last week? I don't think they do bad Al Pacino impressions. All right. All right. Well, how's life been since last week?

No, we saw him last night. Life has been great. This past week has been phenomenal. There you go. You guys missed a hell of a set of shows in Lexington with these three. Yeah, he was also in Lexington last night. And you were also in. He was watching us. He was also, I believe last night, and you're also in. He was watching us.

He was also, I believe. Through our windows. Yes, exactly. It's better than bars, which is where they usually keep me in the ankle bracelet. Anyway. Do you have a bracelet on? Did you drive here today from Lexington? All right, I don't exist, I guess.

Wait, what? I didn't realize that was a real question. No, it's fine! Can I give you a hug? No. No. Did you drive here from Lexington today? I did. It was really hard.

Was that you behind me in the rearview mirror in the Jeepers Creepers van? You don't have to answer that. Fuck yeah. All right, Clay. Wait, go ahead. Do you have a knife in your pocket? I do, but you're safe. No, no, no.

I want to kill myself right now. No, don't give it to him. Clay, take that off him. Clay, he's a cutter. No, you cut it first and I'll cut you. Cut my wrists and black my eyes. Cut my wrists and black my eyes. Do I want father's seat tonight?

Tonight. Because you kill me. You know you do. You kill me well. For those of you listening to the podcast, he was cutting himself while singing. Fuck yeah. And we met you last week, Clay. We know your story.

Go fuck some Navy SEAL's wife, why don't you? I will. We're going to keep flying through the bucket. There he goes. Clay Crump with another funny set. Whole different 60 seconds. That was Celine Dion. That was the theme of Titanic if it was being played while it was sinking.

Look, he's smiling. Got him. All right, pulled another name out. Put your hands together for Corey Parrish. Here we go, people. Anything can happen. Corey Parrish. Y'all are taking my stand-up virginity tonight.

Be gentle. Be gentle. You know, it feels a lot like the first time I had sex. I'm nervous, I'm shaky, I'm really hoping I can make it a whole minute. Yeah, no, I'm yelling though, I'm trying to figure things out. I went out downtown with some friends the other weekend, and I noticed a gay guy wearing the exact same outfit that I had on. And that's when it finally hit me.

I might be stylish. Yeah. Say what you want about the gays. Great fashion. Great fashion. No, I'm kind of messed up. I think it's because I went to Catholic school growing up. And third grade is tough, you know.

You start talking about multiplication tables. Well, the school I went to was also the first year you started to sign up to be an altar boy and signed up to be a boy scout. So all in one year you learned you multiplied your chances of being molested by two. Thank God I transferred to public school. Corey Parrish. First time ever on stage.

Second. Second? Oh, where was the first time at? The Auburn University Starbucks. Starbucks? Well, it's the student center that has a Starbucks and they had an open mic night. Wow, they had an open mic at a Starbucks. Why?

I don't know. Geez. Only white people, huh? Yeah, like five of us. Starbucks open mic. That's weird. Yikes. I don't even like their coffee. Yikes. You did really

good for being so new. You definitely have writing. You're writing jokes, which is great because a lot of these new people don't actually understand joke, you know, how to write a joke, so that's great. Yeah, but you fucking lied to us, dude. You said we were taking your stand of virginity, and it turns out you blew your load all over a Starbucks in Auburn,

you piece of shit. How long has it been since you graduated from the junior police force? May. Is that really true? Just in May, yeah. Wait a second. Not the junior police force. The police force?

No. Oh, fuck. Auburn. Oh, Auburn. What'd you graduate in? Geology. What are you going to do with that? I'm pretty sure.

That's a great question. I'm pretty sure they've already drawn all the maps and shit. You know what I mean? That's shit. You know what I mean? That's geography. You know what I mean, Nashville? That's geography. Fuck you. No, that's the map shit.

That's geography. No, I know. That's why I said yes. I know. Thank you, Corey. You fuck. Jesus. So what are you going to do with that?

I don't know I'm living back home Waiting tables right now while I figure things out I might go to grad school I don't really want to do that Where are you waiting tables at? An Italian restaurant Just right north of Birmingham, Alabama

Called Coleman Don't cheer for that That's a terrible place There's a bunch of liars out there A bunch of fucking dorks That just woo for anything Dead inside Why don't you work at Hard Rock Cafe? There's a bunch of liars out there, a bunch of fucking dorks that just woo for anything. It's dead inside. Why don't you work at Hard Rock Cafe?

Good question. It's a good idea. All right. I'll take it. Corey, why are you... Why are you looking at me like that? How old are you? 23.

23. Is stand-up something you've always wanted to do? Is this a recent thing that all of a sudden last... Well, I was like, oh, I'm graduating, so if I bomb, then I'll never have to see anybody on campus again, so I just said, fuck it, and I did it. Hell yeah. Now you live with your parents.

What do they do? My mom's a retired teacher, and my dad works for AT&T. He works from home. He doesn't really do anything. No teacher, and my dad works for AT&T. He works from home. He doesn't really do anything. No, I know. I once had AT&T. I know those fuckers don't do shit. It sucks.

It sucks. Wow. Man. Good discounts for us, though. You know, free Sunday tickets. You have brothers and sisters? One brother, one sister. Older, younger?

I'm the oldest. There's one, and he'll be a senior in high school, and my little sister will be nine in September. Right. So they all live at home, too. Do what? They all live at home. Yeah, yeah. Right.

It sucks. Damn. Yes, that does suck. It sucks. Fucking horribly. You ever hang out with chicks or anything like that? Go out on dates? Yeah, a couple.

You ever bring anybody back to your parents' house? No. I just actually moved all my stuff out of Auburn a week or two ago, so that was one last two raw because I knew I'd be living at home for a while. Do you have a special room at your parents' place? Like the basement or something cool? Come on, guys. Let me live in the shed

for this summer. It's a small house. There's no privacy. It sucks. Wow. How small is it? Three bedroom, two bath. You share in a bedroom with your brother? Wow. Damn. How small is it? Three bedroom, two bath. You sharing a bedroom with your brother? Wow. Damn. After living in college for three years off at Auburn, we got to share a bedroom.

I'm trying to get out of there. Damn. What are you going to do, dude? I have no idea, honestly. I don't know. I had a buddy who just got back from New Zealand. He was picking kiwis. I might just go fucking do that for a couple months.

Who fucking knows? I don't know. I fucking agree with that 100%. The Kiwi business is big. Yeah, yeah. It's booming. It's booming. It really is. I'm Airbnb-ing the bottom of a well, so hit me up.

I'm gonna move in with him. Yeah, the emo guy. Man, does your brother do anything in that bedroom that creeps you out? You ever catch him jerking off or anything like that? Tell the truth. I walked in one night, and all I saw was legs and a blanket. So, yeah, pretty much. How long did you watch him for I helped him finish

nothing bad you cleaned it up all you saw was legs and a blanket I'm so confused the blanket was cut off right here what does that mean like a mannequin that's half covered he obviously heard me open the door so I think the blanket

when he pulled it over him it only covered up so much that happened to me once my mom once walked in I think the blanket, when he pulled it over him, it only covered up so much. He had a mini skirt on. That happened to me once. My mom once walked in. Did I tell this story on this show the other day, or was I doing stand-up? I can't remember. No, no, no.

I must have been doing stand-up. My mom once walked in on me when I was jerking off, and I made a point because I was always getting in trouble and shit in high school. I was a very rough student, and so she wouldn't let me lock my door if I was like grounded or whatever. And sometimes she would just bust through the fucking door. Like, what are you doing? And one time she,

I remember she had a hamper and she was dropping off laundry and the door swings open and I'm like going at it next to the next to the bedroom closet because there was like a TV there that like sort of blocked it. Like she would have, you have, I would have like a two second warning if she came in but i remember i i just gotten out of the shower so i had the towel like wrapped around me that thing where like give the you know the little towel wrap thing and i'm just fucking going at it and i hear the door open up

and i'm just like no no no like that and uh and uh and she makes it to the middle of the room, and she's like, what the fuck are you doing over there? Because I'm, like, being all shady, just, like, facing the wall in the closet. Like, what's up? Everything's good. I'll take care of it. Just put it anywhere. And she's like, what the fuck are you doing?

Turn around. I'm like, no, no, you don't want me to turn around. She's like, no, turn around. And I turn around, and I think, and I, like, I had it, like, back under the towel, but when I turn around, I still have, like i had it like back under the towel but when i turn around i still have like that like young half boner you know what i mean so the towel's just literally sticking out to like there she knew what was going on needless to say so i have i had a big boner do you have a big boner yeah it got small it got small after a while i'm trying to not seem too unlikable to these people uh but yes i also have a big boner? Yeah. It got small. It got small after a while. I'm trying to not seem too unlikable to these people. But yes, I also have a gigantic dick, everyone.

Fuck yourselves. Corey, do you have a big penis? Let's talk about your cock, Corey. Welcome to a new segment called Let's Talk Cock. No sound effect for that, segment called Let's Talk Cock. No sound effect for that, Jesus. Let's talk cock. Oh, you had it.

Evacuates the one, dude. Corey, if you could describe your penis in one word, what would that word be? Is this a family feud question? Might be. We'll see if it's the number one answer. Polish? Polish.

Survey says... Polish sausage. I have no fucking idea. Wow. Do you like your penis, Corey? I'm satisfied with it, yes. It's probably not like the 6'9 guy, but, you know. Wait, wait.

Say that again. You said size-wise? I'm satisfied with it. Oh, satisfied with it. All right. Well, I guess cock talk never really went anywhere. Some segments never really take off, you know. Who would have thought the Mexican drum off would have happened more than once, you know? But

things fucking happen. Anyway, this was another episode of Cock Talk. Alright, Corey, we're going to keep it moving along. Corey Parrish, everybody. What do you think? What do we got here?

Jesus. Those Backstreet Boys, I want it that way. What do you guys think? Should we go to the bucket one more time? It's going to be a lot of disappointed people here. Put your hands together for Micah Lee. Micah Lee. Here he comes. He's coming, yes.

This is him. Here he comes. He's coming, yes. This is him. Here he comes. One more time for Michael Lee, everybody. Tony, I'm really proud of you. You actually pronounced my name correctly. Is it because of my notes? Okay, you're just going to stare at me. So everyone throughout my whole childhood mispronounced my name.

How to spell my last name is L-E-A. So everyone pronounces it Leah. So when I was a kid, teachers would take a stab at trying to pronounce it. One teacher said, Micaiah Leah. And that's when I knew I was going to drop out of school, which I did. And I'm here to set the record straight. Not everyone who drops out of school is stupid or low IQ, but it does leave you with a lifetime of regret and depression,

which I was so depressed in my life. I've been to a mental institution twice in my life. First time is exactly what you think. It's like one flew over the cuckoo's nest. Go ahead, finish. Oh, the second time, well, it's kind of long. Are you sure? Why did you do it? I'm sorry. I thought it would go ahead yes finish it okay sure so the second time I encountered someone who I referred to as african-american Medusa you wouldn't want to look her in the face not because you turn into stone but because she would start arguing with you and yelling at you and seven other people you couldn't see. Yeah, I think I'm...

All right. Thank you, Brian. Okay, let's just... I can't wait to interview you. Horrible set. Okay, thank you. I mean, just god-awful, but I'm excited to talk with you about your life.

Is this your first time doing stand-up? It is, yeah. Hell yeah. Well, there you go. Put your hands together for that. Michael Lee. Well, let's get into it, though, because you seem like an interesting guy.

You just seem like you don't know how to get it out exactly. Yeah, that's right. But you seem interesting to me. So you've been to a mental institution twice. How old were you during the first trip? 18. 18, just like Michael Myers. Very good.

That was his first time in a mental institution too. This is a very scary interview I'm doing. Second trip to a mental institution? It was this year, actually. Oh, yippee. Yeah. What made you

go this year? Well... What happened? Did you do something wild where you couldn't get out of bed? You were deeply depressed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was deeply depressed. Go ahead.

Yeah, I was deeply depressed. Tell us about it. Tell us the juicy details, Micah. Well, to cut to the chase, I mean I was like suicidal. Yes! Someone I can relate to! like suicidal. And so,

yes, someone I can relate to. Was there anything that specifically triggered the suicidal thoughts or did something happen, a breakup, a job, something or no, it's just sort of always been natural chemical depression with you. I think so.

Yeah. Yeah. How old are you? 33, 33. What do you do for a living? I am a, I work for a Ford dealership technician., yeah. Yeah. How old are you? 33. 33. What do you do for a living? I am a, I work for a Ford dealership, a technician. Hell yeah.

Ford dealership, a technician. Yeah. So when Fords break, you're the guy that fixes them. Yeah, sure. So you have your fucking hands full. You're all synced up. Hell yeah. That's one of the busiest jobs in America right there.

Yeah. Ford technician. Right. All right. Well, that's interesting. Don't you feel like your compadres at Ford really would have missed you if you killed yourself? No.

I love that the only two people that laughed at the end of that joke was me and him. Out of the entire room, we're just both like... Well, it's just another happy interview here in Nashville. What the fuck? Hey, if this is what fucking people are into that are suicidal, then I'm glad I could be of some assistance. I mean, if we're saving lives here at Kill Tony, then gosh darn, so be it.

If you killed yourself, then all your co-workers would be like, well, I guess he wasn't built Ford tough. Yes. Jera fucking Maya fucking Watkins. He just needed to Ford escape.

There you go. Hell yeah. Get some goddamn focus in his life. You know what I mean? What's your sign? You a Taurus? Yeah, he is. Are you really?

You're a Taurus and you work for Ford? What the fuck? My sign is a noose with a razor blade. Wow. Alright. So let me ask you this interesting question, Micah. If you were going to kill yourself, how would you have done it? Oh my god.

Let me guess. You seem like a pill guy to me. No. How do you think you would have done it? I don't think I should. Suicide by cop? Like my whole family is back there. Oh, shit.

All right. Well, we don't want to scare them. Hi, everybody. Everything's good. Hey. Anybody else? Hey, can I just say that I know a guy with a knife? You guys got to be able to maintain a goddamn sense of humor about this.

You know what? They seem like pretty, they seem like stiffs back there, Micah. Give him back the rest of his pants, please. And you know what? And you know what? You're surprised that he's depressed. You're the ones that named him Micah. Made him live in goddamn

Nashville. You think the guys at the Ford company are nice? Hey, Micah, grab the wrench, you bitch. Am I right? Is that what a day at work looks like? Yeah, pretty much. You look like the Mythbuster that killed the other Mythbusters.

You seem like you could replace both of those guys at once. You ever bust any myths, Micah? No. It's funny, your whole family's here. Are your parents here? No, my parents aren't here. Both of my brothers, my wife. Who's the angry one with the glasses and beard that doesn't think they can see his stone face?

That's his wife. Is that your angry brother? Yeah. Yeah. All right. I don't think he's actually angry. I think he's jealous. I think he wishes he would have signed up to be up here tonight.

He did sign up. Oh, he did? Yeah. Oh, wow. Really? That's interesting. Yeah. Has he ever done stand-up before?

I think he has. Yeah. A long time ago. Well, it's been a long time, huh? Man, it would be really depressing if he came up here and he was better than you. What would that be? Just unbelievable.

Unbelievable. I mean, it's unbelievable. It really would be pretty depressing if it was worth it for that joke to reveal what will clearly be closing the show tonight. But you just take the reins anytime you want, Jeremiah. Really foreshadow it all. I thought we were done with him.

I thought it was going to be a momentum thing, but okay, cool. No, I think we absolutely have to do it at this point, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we were going to end it at this point, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we were going to end it with Micah, but what do you guys think? Should we have our first ever Kill Tony brother off? Yeah! Hell yeah. All right, only one rule before we bring him up, okay?

Only one rule. If he does better than you, you're not allowed to kill yourself. It's a deal. All right. Why don't you do me a favor? Why don't you do me a favor? Why don't you, since you're his brother and you know him and everything and we're here in your hometown, one of the most world-famous comedy clubs on the planet,

why don't you bring up your brother? Why don't you give it up for my brother, Talon Snyder! Here he comes he's gonna close the show tonight wait you get back here here he is Talon Snyder everybody

yeah you're a dick so there's that Here he is, Talon Snyder, everybody. Yeah, you're a dick. So, there's that. Fuck Airbnb, man. I got stabbed because of an Airbnb in Atlanta during a music festival. And they had all these crazy rules like, don't walk in the hallway only in your underwear. Don't put your nuts on your neighbor's door handles.

That was an actual rule because they caught somebody doing it. So I let that go, and the next day we go to the festival, and shit's getting wild, and this guy walks up real crazy, and he goes, yo, I got oxy for 30. I was like, shit, tight. You know, I'm looking to get high, but that fits in my budget. So, of course, I follow him to his car and the projects, and as he's reaching in the floorboard for this pill,

I see a knife in his waistband, I'm like oh shit I forgot to grab 30 dollars out of the ATM to pay this dude and so part of me is like you know should I run and the other part's like mama didn't raise no bitch so I did the only thing I could do in that moment I crept up on him real slow and I got to his feet in his car and I put my nuts on his door handle. Wow. Look at that. What's your name?

Talon? Talon. T-A-L-L-O-N. T-A-L-L-O-N. Our parents got fucked up names for us. Logan's back there. Talon. Micah.

Logan. Micah. They pot smokers, your parents? If they are, I know my dad is. Hell yeah. I'm not going to say I smoked with him, but I've seen him do it. Whoa. You're not going to say you've smoked with him.

Uh-oh. I think you're going to make Micah a little depressed over there. It turns out he's never gotten've smoked with him. Uh-oh. I think you're going to make Micah a little depressed over there. It turns out he's never gotten to smoke with Dad. You said that you all have weird names. Micah and Logan are pretty normal. You're named after an eagle's fist. Yeah.

Yeah, you know. Hell yeah. Well, I think you're a pretty talented guy. Yeah, I think that means he can kill himself, right? No, no, no, no, no, Brian. No, that's not what that means. Talent.

So when's the last time you did stand-up? It was probably about nine years ago. I was in the military, and I went to an open mic type thing. Oh, really? What branch of the military? Air Force. Fuck yeah. Goddamn American hero up here

to close this show tonight. Hell yeah. I love that. What do you do in the Air Force? Military intelligence. Damn. Look at you. You ever go overseas?

Jeez, you shrug like you went to... Is that something that I'm... You know you did. Okay, yeah. Fuck up some comments some i don't think i'm supposed to close disclose that so hell yeah um so uh wow you like your brother a lot yeah he's awesome fuck yeah ass dude that is the correct answer in this situation um is your do you think your dads always loved you two equally? If we had the same dad, yeah Oh, you guys have different dads?

Yeah By the way, now that I've seen you both You look more like the Mythbusters than before It's sort of crazy that I already threw in that joke I'm the balding one, so it's cool You guys are two of the ZZ Top Young Rising comedians in the world. Yeah, you know. What does your dad do?

He's a lot manager for like a car dealership. Fuck yeah. Yeah. And what do you do now that you're out of the Air Force? I'm a project manager for Dell. Oh, wow. For Dale? Dale.

Dale. The computers. I thought he said Dale. I work for Dale. He's down the street. Do a bunch of shit. I just bring him containers and briefcases. Whatever he needs.

Are you like a real tough guy? Are you like a real tough guy? Like a Tennessee tough guy? What's the toughest thing about you? I don't know. Come on. There's got to be something. You do like chin-ups every day or something weird? I do kickboxing. Wow, really? I like that.

Yeah. Huh. Alright. You ever walk in on your brother jerking off? Which one? Which one do you like better? Which one jerking off? Oh, okay.

How high can you kick? That's a great question. Yeah, we're not putting two of these together. How high can you kick? Can you give us a little example of how high you can kick? That's a great question. Yeah, we're not putting two of these together. How high can you kick? Can you give us a little example of how high you can kick? I think Darwin here is going to

test his theory. There he goes. Go higher! Higher! Higher, Jeremiah! Higher! Come on, I want to see this fucker. I'm going to bust my ass.

This is it. One last kick. If you hit this, we can end it. Fuck yeah. Here goes Jeremiah. Wait a second. Whoa. What is happening?

Oh, no. He's got a freshly healed arm. That was awesome. I've been training in the darkness for years. Oh, my God. For those of you listening to the podcast, Jeremiah, use this man's kickboxing history for a chance to show off how high he can kick.

Oh, my god. And it might be the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. After this guy you made him kick so high and then he holds him and he puts up the hold on one second finger and makes him hold

out his hand for a minute. Jeremiah can kick very high for you podcast listeners. For those of you that don't watch the podcast, he made a point to show us. Oh, fuck. All right. Micah, why don't you step back up here for a second. Micah, what did you think of your brother's stand-up comedy here tonight? I thought it was really good.

Hell yeah. And what did you think of his kicking power? It was high. Hell yeah. But what did you think of Jeremiah's kicking power? That was impressive. You're damn motherfucking right. Wow. What did you think of Jeremiah's kick? That was impressive. You're damn motherfucking right. Wow, so that's as loud as the sound could have been here tonight.

Micah and Talon take care of each other, love each other. The first ever brother-off in Kill Tony history ends in a double victory. Micah Lee, everything happened here tonight in Nashville. Did you guys have fun? in a double victory. Mike Elite. Everything happened here tonight in Nashville. Did you guys have fun? How about one more time for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. Motherfucking Darwin. Make sure you check out everything he does.

His new podcast, Jeremiah Wonders, is hilarious. He plays different characters in that, and he joins us on every episode of Kill Tony. And Brian motherfucking Red Band, huh? Hey, guys. Good seeing you. So much fun tonight. To all the people that got up, congratulations, and kudos to you. And to those of you that didn't, I apologize.

Did we get a lady up here? We didn't, huh? It's too late for that, right? Yeah. We promise you we will be back in Nashville very soon. We love you. Thank you. Good night.

Take care of each other bye bye Thank you.