KILL TONY - KILL TONY #287

Episode Date: August 20, 2018

Brendan Schaub, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Malcolm Hatchett, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 08/13/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have all the past episodes. We also have tour dates. Click on tour dates and not only can you see us live every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, but we are going on the road. We are in Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan. And then we're going to be in Toronto for Just for Laughs. And then we're going to Texas.

We're going to be in San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth. All these tickets can be found at DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. That's Tony's website for everything Golden Pony. That's TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode. He drew the book and posters.

Go to RyanJEbelt.com. If you want the Kill Tony t-shirt, go to ShopSquad.tv. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. We have the Kill Tony shirt. We have Death Squad shirts, Death Squad hats, mugs. ShopSquad.TV. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitzcliff. Hey, everybody. Fuck yeah. Brian Red Band's here. You guys excited? You're at the number one live podcast in the world.

This is Kill Tony. Drawn every week by the great Ryan J. Ebeld, who's already knocking it out. We are streaming live on YouTube. Our friends over at YouTube. Yeah, youtube.com slash kill Tony. It's that easy. YouTube.com slash kill Tony. We just got back from doing a bunch of fun shows on the road.

A lot of fun in Nashville, Tennessee. We just got back from doing a bunch of fun shows on the road. A lot of fun in Nashville, Tennessee. We did a Kill Tony there. We did some stand-up out in Lexington. And that was a fun experience. And we're doing a lot more coming up. September 20th we're in Lansing, Michigan. The next night,

Grand Rapids. September 22nd, Detroit with our guest Danny Brown. I believe that's just to kill tony for that one maybe i'm wrong i don't know uh september 28th uh it's kill tony toronto canada that's a big one yeah it's just for laughs yep i'm gonna be doing some stand-up that week as well and also uh this is a huge one november 9th we're in the boston providence right smack dab in the middle so people can drive from all different angles. We are crushing the East Coast again.

Last time we were in Boston, it was goddamn chaos. It oversold hundreds and hundreds of tickets and just basically filled a fucking gymnasium. So it'll be fun to see what we do this time. November 13th, San Antonio. November 14th, Austin, Texas. The 15th, Houston. November 16th and 17th, Fort Worth, Texas. I'm not sure which dates the Kill Tony.

I believe it's the 17th and stand-up all around that, including that night. I'm doing stand-up all by myself, October 3rd through 6th in Chicago at Zaney's. And yes. All right. Cool. We might have an announcement soon. Huge announcement. Huge announcement.

I can almost guarantee that it will be next week. It is so hard for me not to announce it, but I will say this. This is what I will say. October 12th, you might want to mark it off. October 12th. A little

insider information. And it's not here in Los Angeles either, But you're still going to want to mark it off your calendar. Because you might want to make the trip to find out next week. So here we are.

I'm excited about life. Let's just jump right into it, shall we? You guys ready for this? It's Kill Tony live from the Comedy Store. The world famous. Every single week I have one of my funniest friends on the show. This week is no different. I fucking love this guy. He's one of our favorite guests. He's been on a couple times.

You know him from The Fighter and The Kid. So many great things below the belt. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best, the great and powerful Brendan Schaub, everybody. Come on. Hell yeah. What's up, Brendan? What's up? Hell yeah.

I'm excited to have you. One of my favorite top young Rising comedians in the world. Thanks, man. And also a former UFC fighter. Correct. You're so silly that sometimes I forget that you're like a fucking monster. CT's a motherfucker. It's fun.

It's a lot of crazy shit happening in that fight world. You have the podcast Fighter and the Kid. What's going on with the Witcher pick for McGregor Khabib? We're just going to break it down. Let's do this. I'm a Conor Dick Rider. You guys know this. If you ever see me, I'm a Conor Dick Rider.

I think he gets it done, man. I do. It's going to be interesting to see. Have you heard about that YouTube star that wants to fight Conor? I forget his name. What the fuck is his name? Logan, right? Logan Paul or something like that?

It doesn't matter what his name is. Remember when The Rock used to do that? I feel you. He's smart. He's brilliant. He's doing it just to gain traction for his fight. You know that motherfucker? They had more views on their press conference

than Mayweather and McGregor did. These two YouTube stars. They're smart little bastards. He used to be a wrestler, though, so he might have some legitimacy to it, I guess. I guess, man. They had more views than Mayweather and McGregor. Two YouTubers doing the damn thing.

I'm literally going to kill myself. I know, I thought about it, too. That is incredible. I thought about it, too. That is incredible. I thought about it. But let's have a show instead. Every week, we have a band on this show. You never know what they're going to do. I never know what they're going to do.

Every week, they do different characters, and they commit to the characters. It's always a surprise what they're going to be. So let's all check it out together, shall we? They're the best damn band in the land. They're the Kill Tony band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. Here we go.

What? What? Whoa! I know what's going on here. Wow. Hell yeah. All right. Clearly this week, the band is Atlantis Morissette.

And for some reason Joel Berg looks like a caramel macchiato. Is that what you guys are? Am I correct? With the red hot chili peppers, baby. I had a feeling. They are the red hot chili peppers. Now this is interesting. This is a very specific... It's a very tough one. I had a feeling. They are the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is interesting.

This is a very specific... That was a tough one to guess, I feel like. It's a very tough one to ever guess. If you guessed Red Hot Chili Peppers, you just won $11 million. Congratulations. I mean, this is incredible. After they win that money, do they have to give it away,

give it away, give it away now? Wow! Give it away, give it away, give it away now? Now! Give it away, give it away, give it away now! Alright, maybe I was wrong. Maybe the Red Hot Chili Peppers is a good choice. Suck my kiss! Fuck

yes. Well, let's have some fucking fun with the Chili Peppers. Brendan Schaub, i have a bucket full of comedians names they all signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds on this stage and then we interview them about anything in the world you know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten that means wrap it up then or i'm sure gonna bring out the angry west hollywood bear it's furious tonight. Yeah, exactly. That thing will fucking get you.

Even Brendan looks a little scared of that bear. Yes, there's the sheep of truth. Alright. Let's just do it, shall we? It's Kill Tony live. Everything's about to happen right now. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Damn, are there a lot

of names in this bucket. Okay. Heavy stack of names. Alright. Put your hands together for your first comedian tonight. Paige Rios. Everyone. An uninterrupted 60 seconds

from the farthest possible area. You can set it to a clock. If I was a person that signed up for this show, I would always sign up and I would always sit all the way over there because those are the people that always get pulled out. Put your hands together one more time for Paige Rios. What's up, guys?

Some guy was flirting with me the other day. He was, like, complimenting me, telling me, like, oh, you're so beautiful. And, like, then he was just like, yeah, like, I love how your body is, like, so bolted. I was like, I don't know what the fuck bolted means, but I was assuming it was a compliment. I don't know. I've never been, like, compared to a garden shed at Lowe's before, But thank you, I guess. I'm going through a breakup right now, you guys. Thank you so much. Very brave for talking about it up here. Yeah, but like the weirdest shit, it's weird. Like the weirdest shit gets me sad. I was at a comedy show the other day and some comedian was talking about giving blowjobs and I just started to tear up a little bit. I was like, fuck, man. I'm a sucking dick.

Oh my God, it's so hard. I don't like sucking strangers' dicks. All right, guys, that's all I have for you. I thought that would be a minute. Thank you. There you go. Nailed it. Hey.

There you go, right up to. Hey. There you go. Right up to that thing. Hi, Paige. Hi. This is your first time on the show, right? This is my first time. Heck yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up?

About eight months now. Eight months. Is that true? Did you recently go through a breakup? Not so recently. It's been like a year, but I like that joke. Is it true to you? Do you really miss sucking dicks?

I miss sucking his dick, but you know. Oh, his dick. Interesting. That's sad. On to bigger and better dicks, I guess. I'm not mad at the outfit. I like the outfit. It is a cool outfit.

Yeah, I dig it. Thank you. Yeah. So you've been single for a year? Yes, I have been. Interesting. Have you been trying to go on year? Yes, I have been. Interesting. Have you been trying to go on dates? No, not really.

Not trying to date anybody. Are you on any apps like Tinder, Grindr? I was for like a couple seconds, but those are bullshit. I hate those things. They're like weird. I don't know. Why? What's so weird about them?

I don't know. Just like strangers on the internet. That's fucking weird. Have you slid into anyone's DMs? Oh, yeah. I try to slide into a lot of dms but uh yeah hell yeah how do you pick whose dms you're gonna slide into uh well i mean just what are some qualities that you look for in a guy i mean you have to obviously i have to be attractive to you or attracted to you. And, like, obviously, like, I'm trying to do comedy. So, like, trying to find maybe some comedians.

So just, like, you know. Oh, you got it all backwards, Paige. You got it all backwards. I'm glad I asked you this. See, I'm going to help you right now. Got it super backwards. Educator. Yeah.

Educator. Yeah. What you don't want to do, it's a lose-lose situation with a comedian. Either you're funnier than him or he's funnier than you. And let me tell you something, he's probably going to be funnier than you. And it's really going to bother you. You're not going to like it. And all of a sudden, next thing you know, you know, he'll be feeling nice one day and he'll be like, you know, babe, you could tag your tag your thing with that and then all of a sudden you go out that night and it's going to be the biggest laugh you get

was the little thing that he gave you and then all of a sudden you're going to be like hey you think maybe you could help me with this thing maybe and then all of a sudden he's going to be like this shit's over and then you're going to miss sucking his dick and the circle continues I say it shouldn't be a comedian

it's a vicious cycle. Your last boyfriend, what did he do? He worked at a bank. Oh, fuck, yeah. Meanwhile, you took his deposits. You know what I'm saying, Paige? Come on. He's talking about hot loads.

He did help me, you know, with my credit and everything. I bet he did. I bet he did. What do you do for work? I work at two restaurants currently. Dream of Californication. Are you from L.A., Paige? Technically, yes. Covina.

L.A. County. It's like 40 minutes from here. Hell yeah. Your parents are both Mexican? Yes. A Mexican-American. Good call. I was going to ask. I kind of tightened up when you said that. A lot of people.

Fuck, yeah. You got a standing ovation from Carrot Tapas back here. Oh my God. That might be the silliest look I've ever seen on you. I'm Chad Smith. Hell yeah. Paige, any fun facts about you? What do you think is some special skill or talent or anything you do?

What would we be interested, like a book of fun facts about Paige Rios came out. What would be the one? Sucking dick. I'm really good. Yeah, I'm really good at sucking dick. Is that true? You said oh no afterwards. You're like I'm really good at sucking dick.

Oh no. I think I'm good, but I think like how can you do it badly? Oh, you can't. I feel like any I'm really good at sucking dick. Uh, no. I think I'm good, but I think, like, how can you do it badly? Oh, you can't. I feel like any, like, have you ever gotten a bad blowjob? I don't know. 75% of blowjobs are horrible. Really? Ew, Jesus.

No, you have a problem, Brian. Something's wrong with you, dude. Where are you hanging out? It's called a thick dick, then. 75%? Yeah, dragon teeth. Teeth draggers, man. 75% of blowjobs

are bad. And those are all the ones from Brian Redman. Damn. I'd like to reference an old joke. Can I tell you about the worst blowjob I ever had? It was awesome. Fucking love Joel Berg.

It's not my joke, but it's a good one. Classic, though. Alright, Paige. Well, other than sucking dick, any other things that you like to do for fun when you're not working at two restaurants or doing stand-up? I like to go to concerts.

I really love music. What kind of music do you like? I like a lot of different types of music. I mostly like hip-hop. I like jazz. I like a lot of different shit. Oh, cool. Skibidibaboodididaboodidibadoom

Chantano Jazz Baby, baby Boom, cha-cha-no. Jazz, baby, baby. Oh, my God. Oh, yes. Holy shit.

The show is red hot indeed. All right, Paige. Well, that's fun. You do a lot of spots. You've been working at stand-up a lot. It's hard working at two restaurants. I know that. You work a lot of night shifts or mostly lunches? Well, I just started my second job,

so I'm not going to have a lot of time left, and I'm still in school. You're not going to have a lot of time left. You have cancer. Yeah. I've been, you know. You do? I don't know.

I thought that was a joke, so I laughed. I didn't really get it. But then you said yeah afterwards. It's like you actually had cancer. I'd feel really bad if... No, I don't know. I thought that was a joke, so I laughed. I didn't really get it. But then you said yeah afterwards. It's like you actually had cancer. I'd feel really bad if... No, I don't. I don't have cancer. I don't have cancer.

Well, there you go. She doesn't have cancer. It's her first time on the show. Pastryo. There she goes. She doesn't have cancer. Make some noise. Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah. Welcome to another episode of She Doesn't Have Cancer Cancer free That might be a question I just start asking people randomly When we need to lighten up the mood Are you cancer free? Yes? Fuck yeah She's friendly though you know

Yeah for sure Little sensitive papaya Papaya? Is that racist? Yeah, it really is Is it really? Are papayas even Mexican? No, they're not

Let's go to our senior Mexican correspondent Fucking Rhea Perlman with Sunburn. Is the papaya a lovely? Moving on. Back to you in the studio, Tony. All right, I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Robin Blake. Robin Blake.

I believe. Robin Blake coming to the stage right now. Robin Blake coming to the stage now. Oh, yes, we met Robin last week for the first time. Another girl-heavy episode. Robin Blake, everyone. I know what you guys are thinking.

I don't know what bathroom I'm supposed to be in either. Yeah, my name's Robin. A lot of people try to call me Robert. I really don't want to choose a gender, you know what I mean? I don't really want to... Okay, if the gender spectrum were a university, then my major would be undeclared, you know what I mean? I used to be bisexual,

and it was really confusing. It's like half of me was gay, half of me was straight, and when I'd see a beautiful woman, I would... Like, the straight side of me... The gay side of... Oh, sorry. I'll finish this up. The gay side of me would be like, I want to fuck her. But the straight side of me would be like, I want to fuck her. But the straight side of me would be like, fuck her.

Fuck yeah, there you go. I don't know. I don't really, really, really, I don't know. I feel like it was an inside joke the whole time between these two. There's definitely some serious chemistry going on between Cassandra Cass. There's definitely some serious chemistry going on between Cassandra Cass.

There's some big dick energy going on right now. Definitely, and I'm not sure who has the dick and who doesn't. I don't either! Cassandra doesn't have a dick. We know that. She once did. I guess I can say that. Are we allowed to speak of this past dick? I don't know how it works

anymore. I feel like this is why I'm never going to have a big corporate job is because I ask questions like that every Monday. Can I speak of the dick you used to have? Tony Hinchcliffe fired from new NBC job immediately. Fired

after he was hired. It was only two hours. Curious about dick size. Can we talk about the dick? No. And Robin, you don't have a dick. Am I correct? Never had a dick. I've never had a dick. There you go. Never had a dick. So there you go.

But you, let me get this right. We met you last week. Born a female, but got into the bodybuilding business. Took some testosterone. Jacked up to crush your opponents, right? Pulled a little... Go crush the weights, right?

Yeah, you also crush the weights. Yeah, you just don't take steroids and get big. I see what you're trying to say, Brendan. Clearly, you've been accused of being on steroids as well. I mean, Tony, the steroids don't do everything now. Come on. Give her some credit. No, I'm saying.

Good Lord. Hopefully. He's a bodybuilder. He's crushing weights. I feel like USADA is going to come in right now and test you for no reason. I fucking wish. Fuck, yeah. Robin, how long has it been since you took some steroids?

About a year. About a year. About a year. You have any questions for her steroid use? See, if you were doing steroids, you'd store it in that fanny pack. That's usually where they do it. Yeah, no, that's true. That's an old pro wrestling thing. Yeah, yeah.

Is that leather? Yeah. I knew it, yeah. Yeah. Did you used to keep your steroids in there when you would carry them around, a fanny pack? No, my ex-boyfriend used to, like, just shoot me in the butt. Damn, was your ex-boyfriend a bodybuilder, too? He was a, no, he was a trainer.

Oh, wow, and he was your trainer. Wait, he used to shoot you in the butt, but where did he put the steroids? Wow. Like, okay. Never mind. You go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. You go ahead.

I got the floor. Man, I've been wanting to see. Okay. This is the good shit. Yeah, so. This is why I came. Go ahead. this is why i came this is why you came yeah no so i did like i did do you know about bikini do you know about npc ifbb a little bit unfortunately i do did you ever bodybuild never no never my uncle did though see like i i realized that i like the performance of bodybuilding but i don't't like the vanity, and it's really boring. Like, I think everybody's been telling me I should go into lady wrestling.

And I'm thinking about being the androgynous monster. Whoa! I fucking love that. The androgynous monster. Yes. That's the start of your theme song, I do believe, when you hit the pro wrestling circuit. By God, it's the androgynous monster.

Fresh out of one of the locker rooms. You could basically wrestle anybody, Robin. I got news for you. One week you're in there against Charlotte Flair, the next you're in there against Daniel Bryan. I got news for you. One week you're in there against Charlotte Flair. The next you're in there against Daniel Bryan. I can just see it. Yeah. Robin,

what do you do for work? Okay. Wow. It took way too long to answer this. I'm unemployed, but I have gigs. I do webcam. You're a hustler., but I have gigs. I do webcam. You're a hustler. I'm a hustler. I do webcam. Hold on. Anthony Kiedis.

Yeah, I got a question for Robin. When you were a kid, were you a part of the It Scouts? Let it settle. Let it settle. Let it settle. The It Scouts, ladies and gentlemen. How dare you.

So Robin, let me ask you a question. If we tuned into one of your webcam shows, can you give us a little example of what that would look like? You sure? Yes, I'm sure. Are you beating babies during them? I don't understand. What am I allowed to do? Well, we serve food here, so...

What do you mean? What do you mean, what are you allowed to do? Are you about to put on a webcam show right now for us? Are you going to squirt? Squirt. Squirt. No. Wait, what is us? Squirt. Squirt. No. Wait, what is

happening? Alright, if it gets too crazy, I'll just stop it like a boxing referee. The fanny pack is off. The fanny pack is the first thing to go. For those of you listening to the podcast, it looks like this looks like a beautiful version of

a fucking There's too many of you version of of fucking Before you go any farther we gotta get Tony some lotion. Holy shit. To bring some loving here today Father, father We don't need to

I mean, I don't even know what to really... I mean, this is just incredible. In shape. Look at that. This is like... This is like... I almost said that takes some balls to do that. It almost does.

She has an incredible body. She's in shape. For all you podcast listeners out there who are not watching this video, Tony just raised the table with his boner. Yes.

Yes, everybody knows this is exactly what I'm into. It's your style? Is fucking, you know, serial killer faces with hot female built bodies. I love a chick that looks like she eats people's corpses. That's what I'm into. You know? I'm into people that look like they're part of bombing plots. Tony, I just

built a body in my pants. Tony, did you read the live stream? No. On stream? No. On YouTube? No. No. Almost like every other comment was like,

Tonya Hinchcliffe. Yeah. Is that Tonya's dad? No, yeah. I don't know if you know anything about YouTube commenters, but they are less than nothing to everybody. They are anybody who has that kind of time and hateful energy. I think they're great.

Yeah. Like you could ever win them back. All right. What are we doing here? Robin, we have spent a lot of time with you. You are one entertaining... Yeah! Yeah! Hell yeah! Yeah Hell yeah

No seriously come on make some noise For this amazing young lady Robin Blake there she goes everybody She's doing stand up Robin The androgynous monster Is she a girl or a boy Is she a ninja Fuck boy? It's in a ninja.

Fuck yeah. What the fuck is happening? Red Robin Young. Chaos, ladies and gentlemen. Chaos. Oh, man. This is Kill Tony. All right.

Pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Daniel Valdez. Danny Valdez coming to the stage. Yeah, yeah. And he's running, he's running to the microphone. Hi, everyone. How are you? First things first.

Before comedy, I was a regular sized magician. But then I did the trick where I cut myself in half and never found the bottom half. You may recognize me for my prolific work as the Indian in the cupboard. Recognize me for my prolific work as the Indian in the cupboard. It's hard. It's hard when you're this small to really live a fulfilled life or reach the top shelf. You have about three choices. You can do comedy.

You can be R2-D2. Or you can kill yourself. I did try that third one. I tried to hang myself, not to kill myself, but to make myself taller. Elongate the spine. It didn't work out.

But, you know, thank you guys. There you go, Daniel Valdez. Look at that. Little, little man. Big things come in small packages. And I'm just still talking about Robin Blake. Alright.

Daniel, that was fucking awesome. Very funny. This is your first time on the show? Second. Second? Really? How do I not remember you? Do you have like Benjamin Buttons disease or something like that? And you were much older last time? Last time I was on here, I was remember you? Do you have like Benjamin Buttons disease or something like that? And you were much older last time? Last time I was on here, I was 70. No, you bench pressed me, yeah.

Oh! You fucking bench pressed me. No, this is your first time on Kill Tony. You were on Kill Jeremiah. Wow, yes. The dark ages of Kill Tony. The number one live podcast in the world. Hell yeah, I bench pressed you.

You had a fun set that night too, if I remember correctly, right? It didn't go as well. Right. It was just like the energy of the crowd. Right. What do you do for work? The crowd spot. I'm an usher.

I'm an usher at the Pantages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? I could see why that would be a good job for you. You don't block many people's views while seating people. I've got many people running around there. Hell yeah. You ever play usher when you're making love to a woman?

Oh, yeah. Which way should I insert it, madam? Do you have a ticket? This guy's a little fucking joke goblin. Yeah. Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, I do. You do?

She's shorter than you are? A little bit. She's short, too? Yeah. She's 10, but she's... Oh, God, you son of a bitch. Shut up. Shut up. Let's kill it. Oh! but she's... Oh, come on, you son of a bitch. Shut up. Let's kill it. There he is. Hell yeah, dude.

So is she a comedian too? No, no. She's funny. She could be. What does she do? She's an usher with me, but she likes to act. We both like to act.

Was it love at first sight? Like you just saw each other and you're both short it love at first sight? Like you just saw each other and you're both short and like, fuck. Yeah. You just saw each other. I was like, there's not many options out here.

He's like, you're the first person I've made eye contact with in a while. I'm done. I'm done. How long you been with her, Daniel? It's been like two and a half years. Longest relationship I've had.

Wow. Wow. Hell yeah. You're not even going years. Longest relationship I've had. Wow. Wow. Hell yeah. You're not even going to have to get down on one knee. She's how tall? She's four foot eleven, I think. So she's considered a small person, correct, or no? I guess. I don't know. For giants like yourself,

yes. And you guys sleep together in the same race car bed? Yeah. Yeah. So Tom is the train one for your information. It's a matchbox. Matchbox romance you guys have a studio

mansion together yeah we live with my aunts oh fuck man god damn it how do you reach shit like what what's it like when you're refilling the ice tray for the freezer

just like whoa fuck I'm fucking What's it like when you're refilling the ice tray For the freezer Just like Fuck I'm fucking soaking wet now It's a struggle every time God damn You ever play basketball Against kids and shit You ever just go shave the beard And like oh we all have an equal chance out here

I'm a fucking Sixth grader too pal sorry Yeah. You ever just go shave the beard and like, oh, we all have an equal chance out here. I'm a fucking sixth grader too, pal. Sorry. I know I just crossed you over like I'm 40 fucking years old, but... Gets him every time. He looks like Freddy Krueger Jr. He looks like what hides under Freddy Krueger's bed. Wow. Daniel, that is so fun. How long have you been doing stand-up? I mean, when

I was on Kill Jeremiah, that was my first time in L.A. since I was 10. Since you were 10, which was a couple weeks ago. And how long ago was that? That was like 12 years ago. How much do you weigh? I don't know. Last I checked, I was like 95, but I'm starting to try and gain weight. You are a little mouse, aren't you? A little fucking cutie. I have a little mouse. A't you? Little fucking cutie.

I have a little mouse. A little hamster. Do you really? Inside of you right now? How'd you find a saddle that small? He rides the mouse. All right, bye. Fuck yeah, Daniel.

You are clearly the Demetrius Johnson of the open mic scene right now. Just the fucking featherweight champ of this shit. By the way, you literally pound for pound could be one of the funniest people in the world. You could technically say that.

That's true. The next heaviest person... Wait, no. I'm just kidding. I'm like 130 pounds. I'm the... Anyway. Have you ever dreamed of being tall?

Good question. Have you ever dreamed of being taller or are you pretty secure? No, I think I wouldn't know. And by secure, I mean in the child seat that you have to sit in on the car rides here. Oh! No. Yeah. Wait a second. here.

Wait a second. Anthony Kiedis for some reason has hunched over. Keep the microphone in your hand, Daniel. You're going to be the first person ever interviewed on another man's shoulders on this show. Oh my God! For those of you listening to the podcast, we're on the main stage of the Comedy Store.

The lights are going crazy. Anthony Kiedis has Daniel... Yes. And here we are, the start of the White Trash Derby. Can we get Robin Blake back up here to lift them both? Oh, my God. Can we get Robin Blake back up here to lift them both? Jeremiah, what's this little dick feel like on your neck? Yeah.

What does it feel like? He's packing up, packing up, packing that heat. Yeah, I'm wondering that, dude, because big things come in small packages, right? Are you packing heat? If you could give us a... Describe your penis. Oh, this is actually a segment that we had for the first time ever last night in Nashville.

This is called Cock Talk. Welcome to another episode of Cock Talk, where I ask a comedian what their penis is like. It just began last night in Nashville. You're only the second person to ever get asked this question. Describe that dick. I bet it's girthy. If my cock could talk, it wouldn't even know the words mama.

What? Well, luckily we didn't ask if your cock could talk, Daniel. What's your dick like? Is it like a Crayola crayon, a number two pencil? Is it like a Bic lighter? It's like a... Red Bull can.

You know when you accidentally break the Crayola crayon? It's like a quarter of a quarter of the broken piece. Oh, wow. Well, this got sad fast. Yeah, it really did. It turns out Rob... I was having a good time. I tried to help you out earlier with that,

pecking that, pecking that, pecking that heat. I do a funny thing with all the girls I've been with. Before I slept with them, I told them I had a micro-penis. Just so when they saw it, it was better than they expected. Because I don't have a micro-penis. What? Man, I wish your sentences were as short as you are. Is it circumcised?

I mean, did you get cut or paper cut or whatever it's called? Yeah. They cut it with safety scissors. Little mushroom head, huh? Who do you think has a bigger dick? You or Robin Blake? It's a joke. Robin Blake doesn't have a dick, Daniel. It's a trick question. You don't have to think of an

answer. You know. What are you? 4'11"? No, 5 feet. 5 feet. 6'9 now. I've reached new heights tonight. Well, I'll tell you this, Daniel.

It seems to me like you really get it. It seems like you're very aware, present, that you write jokes about yourself that, you know, only you can do. And I think you fucking killed it here tonight, and I loved this interview portion with you. Thank you. Hell yeah.

Thank you. There he goes. Anthony Kiedis bends down. Daniel gets off. Had a little, little penis on my shoulder. Yeah. Make some noise for

Jeremiah fucking Watkins in the house. Anthony Kiedis. This is what it's all about, people. His little neck probably smells like applesauce. Yep. His neck probably smells like applesauce, indeed. Quite the interesting combo so far, huh, guys? Yeah.

I mean, anything can happen. That's the fun. Try your giant Amazon woman. Let's do it. Let's do it. Put your hands together for Cole Alexander. 60 uninterrupted seconds. I heard a big pop from the crowd.

Hey, Cole. Hey, Cole. And he's coming to. Yeah. Here he comes. Cole. Here's the row. One more time for Cole Alexander.

All right. I just want to be good at something. Lou Gehrig was so good at baseball, they named a disease after him. I don't know if you guys know this, but in his day, if you got a disease named after you, it was the highest honor in baseball.

That's how good he was. Even Magic Johnson wasn't good enough to get a disease named after him. We all still call it AIDS. Even Magic calls it AIDS. He knows he didn't earn a name change. I mean, I guess Magic

would have been a horrible name for AIDS. Can't prevent that disease in high school, sex said. Hey kids, new STD out there. You got to wear condoms now. Sex is going to be worse. It's called magic. Fuck. Finish it, yeah.

You know, the thing none of you believe is real. Thank you. Fuck yeah. Cole Alexander. White dude, white dude killed it. This white dude killed it. Yep. Coming in hot.

Coming in super hot. We went from a little baby midget to this little Brock Lesnar looking dude. I mean, this is incredible. This is a special UFC episode with Brendan Schaub. I love this. This is below the Kill Tony or something like that.

I love it. Cool. I'm going to guess you've been doing this two or three years? Five months. Five months! God damn, there's some fucking freaks coming up through the ranks nowadays. These guys are getting it. How often are you getting up?

15, 20 sets a week. God damn, son. Wow. That's what's real. You moved here from somewhere? Arkansas? Texas? I grew up in Orange County. Went to school for a year in Tennessee. That's where the accent comes from.

Yeah, I drank a lot there and it just stuck. No, I was talking about this the other day when we were in Lexington. I go, I feel like I'm starting to fucking catch a country accent. It was very bizarre. You get it. It happens quick out there because it's just like babity bop. It's laziness. It's easier to talk like that. When everybody talks

like that, all of a sudden you're just talking like that and you don't really pay attention or give a fuck. It's natural. It's easier. It's kind of nice. People love it. People eat that shit up. Just a fucking little easy breezy fucking little accent. Uh oh. Here we go. You know what I mean. Easy to giggle at.

Anyway, Cole, so what made you want to start stand-up? Ah, fuck. I don't know. I just, I like the lifestyle of it. Fuck yeah. Clearly, five months in, you're already out there on the road, doing theaters, booking shows, writing things, working on your own directing debut. Shouldn't have said that.

No, it's all good. I can't get a vibe how old you are. You're either 40 or you're 20. 22. Wow. Oh, shit. You're going to be like a boss one day. That would be cool. I, shit. You're going to be like a boss one day. That would be cool. I think so. So, Cole, how do you make a living? How were you able to do 15, 20 spots a week?

Well, I just got fired last night. Last night? Well, they kept offering me promotions, and I was turning them down. So they said, we don't want you here. We want someone else to drive. Where was this at? It was a temp job I was a temp drop. I was like a receptionist

at a company in Long Beach and it was super easy but the next level up was like way more work and way more stressful. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to do that.

You don't want to work. Yeah. And they didn't want some overqualified receptionist. Exactly, yeah. Damn, what a crazy standoff that is. Man, so here you are doing 15, 20 spots.

How do you get around? I have a car. What kind of car? Hyundai Elantra. Ooh, the Hyundai Elantra. You have a girlfriend? I do not. Doing it right, man.

Doing it right. Why do you think that is? Just too busy. That part of it, also, don't want one, also kind of a pussy. When you say you're kind of a pussy, what exactly do you mean? You don't talk to girls. No, I do, but just... DM.

You talk to them, but it doesn't go well. You get nervous. We're friends now all of a sudden. They put you in the friend zone. You look friendly. You have a friendly face. I'm a big fan of the friend zone. They don't want to fuck you. We're friends now all of a sudden. They put you in the friend zone. You look friendly. You have a friendly face. I'm a big fan of the friend zone. They don't want to fuck you.

They don't want to be your friend. You want to know some advice? Can I give you some advice? If you're getting in the friend zone, next time you think that there's even a chance, the slightest chance... Pull out your dick. Yep.

Pull out your dick. Jerk off in front of them? Don't do that. Spit in their mouth, and you't do that. Hey, bro. Spit in their mouth, and you choke them a little bit, and put them up against the wall like that, and you go, are you fucking down, or are you down? Don't do that. Don't do that. Smack the bitch up.

Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, me too. Me too moment, yeah. No, I'm serious. That's how you do it. Just keep choking. Just pull your dick out, bro. Yeah. Do your dick out. And then the spit in the mouth thing and the choke thing. Yeah, yeah'm serious. That's how you do it. Just keep joking. Just pull your dick out, bro. And then the spit in the mouth thing and the choke thing.

They love it. You won't get in any trouble. I don't need another funny white 22-year-old coming up the ranks behind me. All I have is fucking competition. I'm waiting for fucking Tosh and Jezelnik to die off. And people coming from

behind me as well. Anyway. So Cole, what else in your life? You have any fun things that you like to do? I like gambling and golfing. Wow. Gambling and golfing. You ever gamble

on your golf? You ever place bets? I did back when I played a lot, but I don't really play that much anymore. You bet on sports. I do some. My friends are like way addicted to it, so I kind of try to stay away from it. I'm more of a card guy.

Like poker, blackjack, craps. That's not cards, but... Just all the table games, really. You're alone a lot, I take it. Yeah. You ever play Uno? Most you ever lost in a poker game? I lost all my savings one night.

Oh, shit. Take us through it. How does that start? So, first of all, you know, don't be shy. How much did you have saved? Well, it was like, I had three grand saved up when I turned 21. Yeah. And then started going to Vegas a lot.

And then one night I lost a grand playing poker. Is this the plot of Rounders? I wish because I'd win in the end. But no, yeah. So it was late. I was supposed to go to a party. And then my friends bailed on me so i went to a casino and i just kept going back to the atm oh no you went back two thousand

dollars worth so you lost a thousand i lost two thousand going into it over like a few months span and then a grand that night oh grand in one night yeah i popped my tire showing up too. Say that. Oh, shit. That's how it happens. Were you ever able to pull out of it? No. No. Man. Do you remember what you ate that night?

No, thank God I don't because I want to eat it again. Wow. It got even sadder than sad. At one point it was comedically sad. Then it got super sad. Hey man, have you tried heroin? You know who he looks like? It hit me. He looked like Drew Carey.

Yep. Drew Carey without the glasses. And a fun fact, by the way, that I learned. Do you know this? Drew Carey doesn't need his glasses. Yep. It's all an act. Yep. It's always been an act. And Steve Martin that I learned. Do you know this? Drew Carey doesn't need his glasses. Yep, it's all an act. Yep, it's always been an act. And Steve Martin has a wig. What else you got? Is that true?

That's true. He did it when he was young and did it silver. Wow. Any other brain busters you two? I mean, I've never heard that before in my life. I know. What a jerk. You look like Drew Carey, though.

It's a good thing. I've never gotten that before, but thank you. Yeah, it's a good thing. I mean, he's not slanging, though. It's a good thing. I've never gotten that before, but thank you. Yeah, it's a good thing. I mean, he's not slanging tick, but it's a good thing. You look like a human Bob's Burgers character. Well, Cole, I'll tell you this. You had a great fucking set tonight. And for five months, I'm very impressed.

I mean, incredible stuff. There he goes. Cole Alexander. He's the Cole underscore Alexander. Cole Alexander is stuck in the friend zone. The rabble rant is Robin Blake. She's the rabble rant on Twitter. And underscore

peed it for Paige Rios. Drew Carey coming in hot. He's like Drew Carey if instead of giving away money, he lost money at the casino. Fast sums of it. Put your hands together for Rachel D

from SF. Little D. Rachel D from SF. In parentheses. Rachel D running to the stage right now. Coming in hot in the city right now. Hey, coming to the mic right now. Rachel D., everybody.

Damn, D. All right. I have a 14-year-old. I should have copyrighted 16 and Pregnant when I had a chance. Right? No, my 14-year-old is 6'2", right? I don't even know how I made that uh it took all 14 years to put all the pieces back together whoo being a being a parent is a lot like being on parole

you know you got to find your escape no so I mean I'm a good mom you know I make sure that uh you know he brushes his teeth I put him to. I don't leave until the Ambien has taken effect. Because I can't put him in the dryer anymore. The dryer's a good place. It's got a door, you know? It's warm. It comes with a ride, right? No, I'm not a monster.

I had a softener sheet, you know? No, but now that he's 14, right, he's a bit ungrateful. He's a teenager, right? So I have, but now that he's 14, right, he's a bit ungrateful. He's a teenager, right? So I have to remind him that he's lucky. You know, he's lucky that three was just

one too many abortions. Fuck yeah, Rachel D. Too, too, too, too many abortions. Look at this. This is a MILF if I've ever seen one before, right? Right. A mom I'd like to forget. Look at this. This is a MILF if I've ever seen one before, right? Right? A mom I'd like to forget.

Rachel, how's it going? Good, good. It's your first time on the show, right? Yeah, yeah. It says in parentheses, from SF next to your name. You're from San Francisco? Yep, down for the weekend. Hell yeah.

What are you doing down here? This. Oh, awesome. You came just for this? Mics, mics, mics. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah. You do stand-up in San Fran?

Yeah, yeah. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. Who are these mics you're doing? What's their last name? I wish there were some Michaels, but they're just MICs. Goddamn, you have a 14-year-old. I do, I do, I do.

Look at you, you fucking hot little mama you. Thank you. I thought that she was hot until she said she had a kid. What? Holy shit. Jeremiah is on fire. On fire. This is incredible.

Rip hot. Holy shit. Holy shit. I'm also 40. What? God damn. Wait, what? Say that again.

I'm 40. Okay. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's incredible. So you'm 40. Okay. I'm 40. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's incredible. So you're 40 years old. How long have you been on stand-up? Six months.

Six months. What do you do for a living? I teach high school. What? God damn. Are you fucking kidding me? What class do you teach? God damn. Are you fucking kidding me? What class do you teach?

I teach history and English. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Wow. That is the hottest fucking shit ever. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I got asked to prom by a couple of my students. So, you know, I was worried I was going to lose my job. Yeah, it's frowned upon.

You got asked out by a couple of your students? Yeah, to prom. And you didn't go because they were black? Yeah. Oh. Wow. What made you want to get into stand-up? You know, I got into it for the D.

Is that true? No. I was going to say, how's that going for you? I mean, it must be going great. Comedians must fucking love you, right? You get asked out a lot. You go out with comedians quite a bit. No, no.

Really? No, I don't go out with family. Interesting. Have you ever toured with a band? You give off that vibe a little bit. No, I've not toured with any bands. You got a band? You want to tour?

Yeah, I got a band! Oh, now I'm attractive? Hell yeah! Oh, shit. You look like if Katie Holmes stayed in Scientology. Rachel, I like your tattoo. That's interesting. So clearly keeping the 14-year-old

wasn't the only bad decision that you've made. No. I want to give it, give it, give it to the teacher. It is hilarious to me that you've had a couple students you said ask you to prom. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's just incredible. No, like at a pep rally with a poster and shit. Wow.

Yeah. No way. Because they wanted me to get fired. But, yeah. Oh, that was their plan. Are you a tough teacher? Yeah. Really? Have you ever been tempted? No. Oh my god, there was a pause there. Did you see that? Oh, fuck yeah.

There was a pause there. That means yes. There was definitely a pause. That's a fucking little... I'm creaming and I'm creaming and I'm creaming my jeans. Damn. So was it the quarterback? I'm creaming and I'm creaming and I'm creaming my jeans. So was it the quarterback, the linebacker? Who was it? You know what?

Let's change the subject here a little bit. You said that you're a tough teacher, right? You're tough on the students. So every once in a while when we have a teacher on, I like to do a thing. Because I used to go really hard on teachers, especially substitute teachers, especially teachers that were tough on students. I used to try to break them mentally. So let's do a thing. So you're the teacher.

You're the teacher. You pretend like you're going to start a lesson and it's my first day in your classroom. Go ahead. Rachel D. It's Mrs. D, everybody. Mrs. D. Miss. Sure, Miss D. Right, of course. That's way hotter. All right. So you just walked in.

The bell just rang in the classroom, and it's all about to start. Go ahead. I honestly have to stop you right there because I'm on disability leave right now because this all gives me anxiety. Like, I don't work anymore. Way to break the improv scene. All right, sorry, sorry. Clearly you're a UCB black belt. No, class started, so school started today, right?

You guys have... Rachel, you're overthinking this. You pretend like you're a fucking teacher. Here you go. All right, I'll pretend I'm a teacher. Here we go. All right, here we go. Hey, Miss D, fuck you.

All right. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Miss D, fuck you. No, I've had sixth graders say that shit. So what would you say to me if I was a student? I was like, hey, fuck you. I was like, uh-huh, yeah, and? You wouldn't send them to the principal? No, no, no. You can't send kids to the principal.

Why? Because you can't win them to the principal. Why? Because you can't win them over if you're sending them away. That's why you're a teacher. No, you can't. Send them away. What is Dangerous Minds your favorite movie? I have one more question for you, Rachel. Will you go to prom with me?

How many naked photos of yourself do you have on your phone right now? Oh, Rachel. Will you go to prom with me? How many naked photos of yourself do you have on your phone right now? Oh, yes. Great question. Did you just back it up today or what? Fuck yeah. Alright, Rachel. Well, it was so nice to meet you.

Congratulations. You drove all the way from San Francisco and you got on. Kill Tony. Rachel D. Fun times. Hot for teacher every day. Yeah, definitely. Hot for teacher every single way. Rachel.

I had no hot teachers growing up. Mine were fucking warlock. Oh, absolutely. All of them. Really? Oh, yeah. One of my teachers fucked two of my friends. God damn, was she hot?

She was, and she never got caught. God, it never happens to the good guys, you know? She's actually here tonight. No one hit on me ever, ever. I mean, you think you had it rough. Brian hasn't liked 75% of the blowjobs that he's had. 75%. That's had. 75%. That's unbelievable.

75. That means he has a.250 batting average for good blowjobs. I date girls with very small mouths. Oh. Hey-o, listen what I spray-o. You guys having fun out there? Back to the bucket. This looks like a newer name. Put your hands together

for Alex Garcia. Here he comes. Hey, hey, hey, okay, Alex, Alex, yeah. Alrighty, so the other day I found out that the underground rap Christian community has their own subcultures. I'm sure everybody's familiar with the dab. When they're on the dance floor, they just hit the...

Straight up, yeah. So I'm fat and I shit myself all the time, so I guess you could say I have a self-defecating sense of humor. The other day I was at the bar with my friend and we were an hour into the conversation. It was pretty serious. And he goes, hey, dude, can I be honest with you for a second? I was like, yeah, what the fuck? We've been talking for an hour. Have you been full of shit for the past 50 minutes?

After this second, are you just going to go right back to your bullshit? Or like when people say, oh, can I talk to you as a friend? Yeah, what the fuck? Would you usually talk to me as my fucking enemy? So I was dating this girl and she tells me, you have to promise not to be mad at me. You can go ahead. Finish it.

It's kind of long. Okay, forget it then. Alex Garcia. Like the first joke, didn't like the others. Like the first joke, didn't like the others. Well, I thought the rest of it would be a minute, so then I just went into one of my two-minute bits. That makes sense.

Yeah, totally. Well, I have observational humor. Not really much of it is just really quick punches. You're a storyteller. Yeah, exactly. Something like that. Or just, like, I'd say things that, like, you know, I recognize in day-to-day stuff that I just notice.

Relax, relax, Alex. No one even asked you what type of comedian you think you are. You're answering questions that you want us to ask that we ain't asking, brother. What's your dick look like? No, I'm kidding. So, you're fairly new at this, one'm kidding. I'm kidding. So, you're fairly new at this, one could say. I'm hoping, for the love of God.

I've been doing it for a little bit, like around a year. How often do you get up? I get up like once a week, but just recently I actually opened for Phil Medina at the Ontario Improv. Phil Medina? Yeah, with Monski. Who the fuck is Phil Medina at the Ontario Improv. Phil Medina? Yeah, with Monsky. Who the fuck is Phil Medina?

I've been doing stand-up every night for 11 years. I've never heard of Phil Medina. Sorry, Phil Medina. I'm sure I'm going to have some... Clearly, Phil Medina controls the power to my microphone. It was sold out. It was sold out.

I'm actually giving him a shout out right now to Comic Phil Medina. Thank you for having me over. Shut the fuck up. You want to give Phil Medina shout outs, you do it on your own fucking podcast. He has some balls, though. You think I built this goddamn empire

to help Phil Medina? And thank you for putting my name in the bucket earlier. That meant a lot to me. Thank you. You're thanking me for putting your name in the bucket earlier. Yeah, because I was late. Thank you, Alex. Welcome back. Thank Tony.

Thank you. And I'm a big fan of Fighter and the Kid. Shut the fuck up! You speak when you're spoken to, you motherfucker. How long have you been an off-duty referee? Around his neck, he has a key. What does that key go to, Alex? Not to success. This is the greatest show in the world.

It really is. I got it at my friend's wedding. It's a bottle opener. It's a bottle opener. You drink a lot? Yeah, kind of. Where do you live? You told me earlier when you were rambling to me that you live far away. Yeah, I live in Glendora Hills. Glendora Hills. How far away is that?

It's like probably 45 miles away. 45 miles away. You hold the mic like a rapper. What's going on there? Yeah. You do. You hold your mic like Fred Durst or something like that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, no, no. Don't try to be funny. Alex, you are deep level bombing right now.

I just want to let you know. This is what the worst people do. They answer questions that weren't asked. They plug shit that doesn't need to be plugged. I just wish he wasn't so nice. He's a nice guy. He is. He really is a nice guy. I'm like, what's your key?

He's like, it's a bottle opener. Alex, what do you do for a living? I'm a manager of a Marriott. Manager at a Marriott. And by Marriott he means footlocker. How long have you been working at a Marriott? Five months. It's a relatively new position.

What did you do before that? I was a restaurant consultant. A restaurant consultant before, like a bar rescue guy? No, someone hired me because I was a manager of Benihana's in the city of industry. Oh, I love Benihana's. Yeah, for a couple of years I did that. I was at Ontario, Benihana. Benihana seems like it'd be a tough place to manage because it's pretty much just like badass samurai dudes. Yeah, you'd think that, but the training program to become one of those Teppan chefs

is really not that hard. It takes a month or two. I knew it. You think that's easy? You should try opening for Phil Medina. I love it. You put down the fucking chefs. How dare you, Alex?

You have a girlfriend? I don't. I don't. Single. Everyone's single. When's the last time you had a girlfriend? Two and a half years ago. How long, how long has it been since you got it in?

That's a long-ass time. What's the reason for the length? Work. Mostly work, but I got cheated on three times in a row. I was just like, I'm going to stay single for a minute. Let's talk about this. Finally, we found something fucking interesting about you.

Hell yeah. Absolutely, they do. Three times. Three different girls cheated on you? Because I let them move in, you know? People say it's my fault because I like... Let them move in? Yeah.

And then they fuck other dudes? Yeah. Wow. In your bed? Or did they go to somewhere else to fuck them? Well, one time I found like... You seem like the kind of guy whose girl would cheat on him in like a stairway or some shit like that.

And he would see it and apologize. Yeah. I'm sorry, my bad. Sorry. Exactly. Can I open your bottle for you? I'm going to let you go ahead and finish that up, partner. But when you wrap it up, I'd like to maybe have a word with you.

No, I'm not a cuck. I didn't see it. I'd have beat his ass. Were they cheating on the same type of person? Was there just one guy that's like, does Alex Garcia have another girlfriend yet? I'm ready to fuck. He ain't gonna do shit.

He's such a fucking pussy with his fucking keys shit. I cannot wait to fuck another girlfriend. God damn, it's been two and a half years. I'm pretty sure I broke this bitch. Wow. God, that is so funny to think there's just some guy up there waiting for you. Just some dime piece sticking your girl down. It's like a movie character that hasn't been written or something.

Just some dude that fucking plows. He just waits for it in the dark and then you give him a discount at Benihana's. Yeah, next girlfriend, he gets him a fucker at his own Marriott. God damn it, you're a nice guy. You really are. Alex, what's the nicest thing about you? What's the nicest thing you've ever done?

You ever like stop the car and help ducks cross the road or something like that? I saw that on Live PD the other day. That's what inspired that. It's so funny. It's a fucking all out chase. You just asked me a question. I'm just kidding. Whoa.

What the fuck just happened here? Bad joke. It wasn't even a joke, sir. That was a goddamn assassination attempt. You have brothers and sisters? I have one brother. You're older or younger?

He's older. Has he ever fucked any of your girlfriends? Not that I know of. Yeah, he probably has. Fuck, man. Man, three times. Do you have a lot of sex with the girls when you get them? I mean, what's the deal? I mean, probably not, Alex.

You're saying, yeah. Like, how many times a week would you fuck your girlfriends that have cheated on you? Like, four rounds a night. I mean, it's just... That's a lie, sir. Yeah. No, yeah, you're lying. He called it rounds.

That is... All right, never. Four rounds a night, yes. Four rounds, yeah. It's a boxing ring. Ding, ding. Four rounds. So that means that you would come four different times.

I have before. Is that what a round means to you? Like you would come and then recharge a little bit? And then the girls couldn't get enough. They went somewhere else. Yeah, exactly. Well, also, when you let a girl live with you and she doesn't have a job, she's home all day just doing nothing

while you're at a 12-hour shift. It's worse than that, dude. It's worse than that. If you're fucking a girl four times a day and she's still cheating on you, she's a whore. That means the guy that was on Jeremiah's shoulders earlier probably has a bigger dick than you. That's what it probably has a bigger dick than you.

That's what it really means. I agree with you. All right, we got to move on. We spent too much time with you, Alex, and I don't even like you. There he goes, Alex Garcia, everybody. Give me that, dude. You asked me a question. God.

I can't believe Brendan just shook your hand. Get off the stage. You just gave him his greatest life accomplishment right there. He bragged about Phil Medina. You know how many people he's going to tell about shaking your hand? Everyone. That's going on his Wikipedia tonight. Alex Garcia, known as the guy that shook Brendan Schaub's hand one night. everyone. Oh my God. That's going on his fucking, it's going on his Wikipedia tonight. Oh yeah.

Alex Garcia, known as the guy that shit Brendan Schaub's hand one night. I'll tell you, I've seen a lot of fun names on this fucking show. Will you take a peek at this right here? How excited am I right now? There's some big dick energy. Here we fucking go.

Something's about to happen here, because I don't think I've ever seen a name quite like this. I'm excited for this This is definitely his first time on the show Put your hands together For The Ryan Yes! The Ryan is here

Ladies and gentlemen The Ryan? You gotta be fucking kidding me The Ryan Neeson? Blacklisted Are you fucking kidding me? Is he a comedian? Blacklisted. Are you fucking kidding me? Is that you? Why are you standing up, you fucking weirdo?

Jesus. Just some dude named Ryan. Like, I think I'm the Ryan. I did not sign up tonight, but perhaps God signed me up. The Ryan got scared, huh? Hell yeah, he did. He's out there somewhere regretting it. Who would guess that a guy that calls himself the Ryan would have security issues?

Insecurity issues. Fuck. Security issues. What, would someone steal his identity? Oh, Jesus. Alright. We've actually had this guy on the show quite a few times. You know him had this guy on the show quite a few times. You know him as the guy that quite often tweets directly to some girl in the middle of the country.

He flirts with her aggressively, yet also pretty much gives himself no fucking shot with her at the same time. It's really incredible. He does stand-up comedy. His name is Manuel Herrera, ladies and gentlemen. He's back. It's been a while. M His name is Manuel Herrera, ladies and gentlemen. He's back. It's been a while. Manuel Herrera. How's it going, everybody? Good, all right?

You guys are not going to believe this. A couple months ago, I actually hooked up with a girl, and I used no condom for the first time ever. Fucking crazy, dude. Dude, I got home. I was fucking shocked. I peed and it was tingly. Fuck, dude.

It was sweet, you know? I thought she gave me diabetes. But no, man. I came back for seconds somehow twice yeah dude I added her on Snapchat she stopped replying and today I opened up a Snapchat

and she took a selfie with a guy that looks like me it was a sad day I opened up a Snapchat and she took a selfie with a guy that looks like me. It was a sad day. Fuck yeah, Manuel Herrera. Not really a minute of comedy. Sort of like a minute of sad bragging, I guess. It's really like I fucked a girl but then it all went to shit. Yeah, dude. True story, man.

Thank you for sharing that. That was good, man. I believe that it all went to shit. Yeah, dude. True story, man. Thank you for sharing that. That was good, man. I believe that it is a true story. Yeah, dude. Let's just get right into it. Where'd you meet this girl? Tinder. You on Tinder a lot?

All of them. Tinder, bagel coffees. Bagel coffees? Yeah, that sounds gross. What the fuck is that? Bagel and coffee? That's when you throw bagels at a woman, offer her coffee, and say, will you date me? Yeah, dude. Anthony Kiedis knew what it was.

Rumble, all of them, dude. Rumble? Is that what you... Hey, fool, are you on Rumble, fool? Smack the bitch. Damn, I met some fine chicks on Rumble, fool. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude.

Hell yeah, dog. They put you on a chokehold and everything, dude. What about farmers only? No. No. No. My dad's a farmer, fool. So let's talk about the no condom girl.

You met her on Tinder. What did that conversation go like? Do you have it on your phone still? No. Oh, yeah. You got a picture of her? Yeah, you do. Grab your phone. Pull up your Tinder app. I'm going to read it for you. We're going to find out how this thing went down.

He's going to have an embarrassing part. Welcome to a new segment called Raw Dog. Yes. Raw Dog. I don't know why I'm going along with you but fuck it come here bring it over here Manuel no fucking deleting shit

get your ass over here now he's deleting shit like I'm you said a dick pic get over here his hands shaking ladies and gentlemen give me this

stop what are you doing let me see I'm so into this which one is it H or F or D B oh shit you say b oh oh shit god damn oh shit this is great oh all right so you matched on yeah okay welcome to uh

raw dog in it fucking tinder god damn dude am I doing? A lot of emojis. So here we go. It starts there with you. You matched on B on April 3rd, the 18th. You said, hey there, B. And then you sent a GIF of a doll saying, hey thar. It's Ken from Toy Story. Yeah.

And it worked. She responded with, hey there. And then you said,.29 a.m. A little early, brother. Hey, dude. A little early, dude. You woke up rock hard in the morning. Oh, yeah, dude.

We've all been there, bro. But even this is a little aggressive. This is super aggressive. Right. We've all been there where you wake up fucking horny as fuck. That's like 10.30, 11. Well, you could be like, that's when you That's like 10, 30, 11, 12. That's when you could send like, are you doing anything today?

Are you going to be around the neighborhood? You know, something like that. You don't go, good morning. How was your Easter April Fool's Day? Yeah, what the fuck? Dude, I don't remember the convo. It was good. Hung out with the fam, threw eggs at each other.

She put the whole shebang. How was yours? You put hung out with the fam but the nephews were the ones egg hunting girl i just helped make them you know what i'm saying wow and then she said ah sounds like y'all had fun how's your morning treating you i'm just happy work isn't too busy yeah how's yours girl, mine's good. Mine is all right. Just getting it started, actually. LOL. I work from home today, so no need for me to get all purdy.

LOL. This bitch laughs at herself a lot. He says, ooh, how comfy, girl. Sweats all day? Damn, that's the life. Oh, no, hunty. I don't own a pair of sweats. Booty hugging leggings with long shirts to hide the goods.

It's where it's at, LOL. Fuck you. Then he puts. This is a good. Here we go. Here we go. It's fucking on after this. He puts.

It's fucking about to go down. Yeah, here we go. I'm rock hard. All right. He puts. Damn, it's fucking about to go down. Yeah, here we go. I'm rock hard. All right. He puts, damn, that's sexy. I'm sure you look great. Minus the messy hair and no makeup. Ain't too shabby.

LOL. So what do you... Oh, God, here we go. Break the tank! Here we go. This is yeah. Break the tank. Here we go. This is true, by the way. So what do you do for works? I drive a forklift at a warehouse and some stand-up comedy on the side.

You, girl. You said stand-up comedy. You liar. Yeah, dude. Oh, awesome. I did see you mention comedy. Lucky for you, I hate laughing. I work as an event coordinator

for a live screen printing company. I also do voiceover on the side. Oh, really? You must have a lovely voice. Wait, you hate laughing, bitch? I threw in the bitch. I just felt like it was right. I felt like it was right.

Oh my God. She says, fuck laughing. Like, what even is that noise? When I find something funny, I just say, L-O-L.

Dude, I don't know what you were thinking. I would have worn two condoms with this bitch. Oh, my God. You got to get it in. You get it in. Man, there's a lot of...

Go to the good part. I'm trying to find a dick pic. Whoa, shit. What the fuck is that? I think I just sent something. Let's just get to the end. They do... Wait.

Yeah, no, this is... She gives him the phone number. Yeah, it gets too serious. You send a dick pic to her? You say, laugh at this, bitch. Yeah, I did. And she was like, yeah, that's a nice two-tone right there.

So let me ask you something. When you went on this date, where'd you go with this girl? Was this just straight-up hook-up? You just guys just... Yeah. She came straight to your place or what? I took a lift to her house and then we went to like an alice in wonderland themed bar oh really that sounds dope that's a good date night where's that hollywood no alhambra

did you do drugs her i don't know no she blazes it hell yeah so let me ask you this you're at the alice in wonderland bar you guys she smoked pot. You guys are having drinks, right? Yeah, yeah. Was there at any point that you felt like you said something funny? And she didn't laugh at all? Did she go, L-O-L? Did she do that in front of you? Did you hear her say it?

No. What kind of terrorist doesn't like to laugh? No, no, no. She was just joking right there. How did it start? Did you put your hand on her knee? Did you start spitting on her leg? Did you just go for it or what?

You look like an aggressive dude. You seem like the kind of guy that would actually do the advice that I jokingly gave the guy earlier. Like, oh, Tony, dude, you got me in trouble. I spit in the girl's mouth and did the choke thing. I got arrested, dude. No, Manuel, I was kidding.

Catch a case, sir. No, I don't, dude. Like, no, Manuel. I was kidding. Catch a case, sir. No, no, no. I don't do that. So, your pee tingled. Oh, right, right. But I think it's because I was so self-conscious about the fact that I

finally did unprotected sex. And I was like, oh, man. First time, huh? Yeah, yeah. Hot dog! Yeah, dude. And that was all after the Alice in Wonderland thing, right?

Yeah. I don't trust this lady. Uh-uh. She's trying to get preggers. Hell yeah. What ethnicity is she? I think Italian. I mean, was her hair on the back?

Italian-German, maybe? I'm not too sure. Yeah. I didn't catch that, Redman. All right, well. Well, good for you, bro. I mean, at least you got laid. The dude before you hasn't gotten laid in two and a half years.

Yeah, can you send her his way? Where's that man at? Yeah. Yeah, send her. Yeah, he's trying to get his dick sucked. He should try rumble, fool. I'll give him some tips, I guess, you know. Yeah, what tips would you give a guy?

Well, when a girl says, I have a boyfriend, just say, oh, that's all right. He can keep you busy when you're not with me. Wow, look at that. Scumbag. You really are. You're a bad person. No, I'm a nice guy. There's a weird energy like you'll hit a bitch, right?

Am I right, guys? Weird? No, I'm just speaking from the There's a weird energy like you'll hit a bitch, right? Am I right, guys? Weird? No, I'm just speaking from the bottom of my heart, dude. Aw. Yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. Well, there he goes, everybody. Manuel Herrera.

Man. Manuel likes to rado, yeah. I am having so much fun during this episode, and, you know, just when I don't think it could get any better, why don't we just bring up our regular, who does a brand new minute every single week, crushes every week. The guy's the goddamn anomaly,

taken the scene over by Storm. He's the regular on Kill Tony. So many other fun things. The guy's a full-blooded career starting right now. Put your hands together for the great Malcolm Hatchett. What's up, y'all? All right, cool. Man, did you notice that white women take pictures in front of anything?

I was at a swamp, and I seen a white girl taking a picture in front of a swamp. A swamp. Swamp water look like dookie. She would have been better off taking a picture in front of a port-a-potty. It was crazy because she was a girl, so you know she took more than one picture. Okay. Man, that alligator came up from behind her, bro. Scooped her up by her front feet.

Looked at me and said, don't forget to tag me, nigga. And jumped in the water. I was like, alligator. Being funny, easy. Writing is the hardest part You ever write a joke and the girl say come get some pussy Man fuck that pen Fuck yeah there you go 57 seconds of Malcolm Hatchett

Lay down Hell yeah that was awesome Welcome back it's been a while right But it's been a week Malcolm Hatchett. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Oh, yeah. You getting up a lot? Yeah. Nice, man. Trying. Hell, yeah. It's been a while. Turn it up! Turn it up! Just waiting for it. So life's good? What's going on?

There must be something going on in the past week. Seven days in L.A. Oh, I heard there's somebody stealing your shirts and selling them online or something like that. Oh, yeah, it's tripping out. I don't know who did it. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's cool cool though. They was thinking about me. Where can people find your shirt? I have a link in my bio.

I'm working on a better website so I'll promote it. What are you selling on your website? T-shirts. Lay down shirts. It's like me in my older car with a notebook. Somebody actually stole one of his shirts recently and started selling it on his own. T-shirts. Lay down shirts. It's like me in my older car with a notebook. It's like lay down. Somebody actually stole one of his shirts recently and started selling it on his own.

Yeah, they had little white babies modeling and shit. I know you made it, man. Yeah, I was like, oh, little cute white baby. That's crazy. I had no idea that someone stole your shirt idea. That's fucking nuts. I met T.I. the other day with y'all. That was cool. Yeah, that's right.

He did get to meet T.I. Was he cool? Yeah, he cool as hell. What did he say to you? Because, like... Oh, he was high. He was like, fuck it, let's work. Let's work.

I said, say it again. And then this camera guy got my number. So, maybe... Was this girl with him, Tiny? Nah, he was with somebody who looked way better than Tiny. She's busted. Oh, shit. Jesus Christ.

She's so busted. Hey, Jill. You know the old sugar daddy. Yeah. She's so busted. Yeah. But the old sugar daddy Yeah She's so busted Yeah But shit He was with her forever

So fuck it I It's a guy that can have Whatever he likes Hey Jill You know the old sugar daddy Wow I bet

I bet Tanya smell good Cause you You that ugly Something good Gotta be going on Yeah I agree There's something Yeah

She might cook Suck a mean dick There's something there Put it to you like peaches Yeah She's definitely in the 25 percentile of women that give good blowjobs.

So Malcolm, that's fun. So you're coming up through here in LA. We've been watching your progression and everything. Have you noticed that is everybody on the comedian side of things? When you're out doing other shows or doing mics or things like that,

do people ever throw any shade your way or jealousy or anything like that? Is everybody pretty much nice? Yeah, we're cool. We be smoking weed and shit. You're cool with everybody. Yeah, they be booking me on shows. We be having family dinners and shit.

Yeah, they cool. Y'all are cool as everybody. Yeah, they be booking me on shows. I love it. Family dinners and shit. Yeah, they cool. Y'all cool as fuck. Hell yeah. Yeah. Y'all ugly, though, but y'all cool. Yeah, they cool. All of them cool, man. Is there ever a day that you're not so happy and nice?

Like, do you ever have a bad day? I've never seen you be a negative. I see it every once in a great while on social media. There'll be like a little thing, like he gets like emotion. He'll be like, you don't know what it's like during the sad moments. And then it's like two hours later, the tweet will be deleted. And he'll be like, what's up? You have little dark windows though.

Yeah, little exactly, like little thunderstorms, scattered storms that come in. Yeah, that's true. Are you emotional? Hell yeah, I be Yeah, a little, exactly. Like little thunderstorms. Scattered storms that come in. Yeah, that's true. Are you emotional? Hell yeah, I be crying like a motherfucker. You get homesick. You are, you're a... Where's home? North Carolina.

Oh, dope. North Carolina. Yeah, North Carolina. Hell yeah. Yeah. Miss your mom? Hell yeah. Her cooking, too.

What's your favorite thing that she cooks? Macaroni and chicken. Oh, cooks? Macaroni and chicken. Oh, shit. Macaroni. But it ain't no average shit, though. It's good, bro. For real. Yeah.

It don't make that noise, either. That is the sound of macaroni. All right. Well, I mean, it's amazing to to me I just love what we're doing here you know all the years that we've had regulars on the show and you know this is a whole different fun type of level and experiment

that we're working with here you coming out just crushing every week and I fucking love it we're all pushing each other to the moon so here we go another week of Malcolm Hatchett everybody he's definitely going to be part of the pushing each other to the moon. So here we go. Another week of Malcolm Hatchett, everybody. He's definitely going to be part of the October 12th super announcement coming next week. I mean, my goodness.

Wait till you fucking people. Wait till you find out what we're doing on October 12th. You guys want to go to the bucket one last time? Huh? This lady doesn't want to at all. Look at this angry lady. There she goes. Hell yeah.

All right. Let's see what happens here. Okay. Put your hands together for Arthur Martin. Wow. He's excited. I heard a loud woo, and then nobody got up. I think he may have heard himself.

Here he is, Arthur Martin. I'm not a tough guy. I'm not tough. My dad's super tough. He's Russian. He was in the Soviet Union military, hardcore. He would tell us when we were kids he would wrestle bears for training.

He was like, Dad, you wrestle bears for training? He was like, oh, bear, not scary. It's basically just a giant wolf. What kind of fucked up Russian logic is that? Oh, you're scared of shark. It's basically just a giant crocodile. Don't worry about it. Fuck it.

Yeah, dude, but like trying to get tougher. People tell me to do jujitsu. Jujitsu, that's like the big thing now. I don't know how practical it is, though, because it's all on the ground. Like, when was the last time you were about to get in a fight? Like, hey, yo, come on, you want to fight? Yeah?

Meet me down here, come on. Just follow me, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meet me on the floor, right here, yeah. Almost got in a fight a few weeks ago. I was walking down the street. These two... These two dudes were like, Hey, yo.

Can I finish? Yeah. Hey, yo, tell me why I shouldn't whip your ass right now. Tell me why I shouldn't whip your ass right now. Like, I've been threatened before, but I've never had to audition for my safety. You know what I mean? That's it.

There you go. Arthur Martin. You had all the performance energy of a guy named Arthur Martin. Thank you. So, Arthur, let's just jump right into it. How long have you been in stand-up? Two years. Two years.

All here in Los Angeles? Yeah, I'm from LA. I'm from Burbank. I'm from Burbank, yeah. Wow, born and raised? Yeah. Wow, that's fucking crazy. You were born at that creepy hospital over there and everything? St. Joe's? Yeah. He has a Johnny Manziel vibe, huh? Very much so.

He's like Johnny Manziel if he couldn't throw a football or do comedy. No, I'm kidding. I mean, actually, I'm not kidding. I sort of mean it. So that's fun. Two years, all here in LA, Burbank born and raised. What do you do for work? I go to college. I'm at UCLA. How old are you? 21. Wow. Okay. Now it's starting to make sense. What are you studying at UCLA? Poli-Sci. Poli-Sci, huh. So sometimes you're working...

All right, forget it. Biodome. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to do a bad Polly Shore joke, and I stop myself. Do it. That's a lady from the Carlos Mencia Joe Rogan video. Do it.

He does it better. So, Arthur, wow, you're 21. Yeah. You're pretty built. Thank you. Will you do sports or something like that? Wrestling? Yeah, I used to play water polo and swim.

I'm actually a lifeguard, but not at the beach, just like at pools and stuff. Wow, you're a lifeguard. Yeah. Really? It's raining men. Man, you ever save anybody's life? It's more like preventing stuff. Alright, this is kind of fucked up, but I'll tell you.

Last week, I was lifeguarding this party for special needs kids. Oh, shit. A lot of rescues. A lot of rescues. A lot of rescues. Wait a second. What? What in the world is happening? Red hot!

Why does he have such a big bush? Is that... Wait a second. Okay. Let's just catch up the podcast, listeners. Jeremiah and Joel disappeared for a few minutes, Okay, let's just catch up the podcast listeners. Jeremiah and Joel disappeared for a few minutes, and we were all sort of wondering where they were when Arthur Martin didn't get played up to music,

and they just walked out of the back, and they have socks on their penises, Mexican drum-off style. And for some reason, Jeremiah has the pubes of a 40-year-old woman with Down syndrome. I have no idea what is going on. Zero maintenance.

Zero maintenance. There is a full-blown bush. Rockstar status. Wow. That is a bush. That is distracting. Looks like a crab's breeding ground. God.

That poor stool. That's Jeremiah's butthole in that stool right now. I know for a fact he flew in from Nashville today, so that is a ripe asshole just pressed deep against it. That's a dirty one. Wow, this is really interesting. You don't see this at flappers, kids. The Red Hot Chili Peppers did this for a video or something, right?

Yes, what we're famous for. All right. Man, this... I pictured this a little bit differently. I mean... I mean, hold up, hold up. This was a little anticlimactic. I just feel like a sex offender sitting on a stool right now.

I thought I was gonna be a rock star, sitting on a stool right now. I thought I was gonna be a rock star, gonna be a rock star, but no, no, no. How's that sock staying on? Horrible. Did you staple that sock to your dick or something like that? Just that gooey?

There is something very strange going on over there. Bro, you never even thought about just cutting it down a trim? I know. I mean, it is massive. For those of you listening to the podcast, Jeremiah's pubes look exactly like what his normal haircut actually looks like. It's got full blonde.

It's got 70 pornos. Yeah. You need Dollar Shave Cub. Yeah, Dollar Shave Cub. That's what you need, a baby bear. It's a gay shaving company. All right. Wow.

Well, I guess I'll just go backstage now because this is really freaking weird. I don't know what you thought was going to happen. You thought you were going to come out and the whole place was going to go crazy? That's exactly what I thought was going to happen. I think you're underestimating the amount of pubes that you have. I think you shocked everybody.

You just so casually have a full-blown bush. It's all good. Are you putting four hymns on it? Is that what's going on? It is incredible. It looks exactly like Joel Berg's wig. It does. It's all you see.

I don't even care about this guy on stage anymore. My bad, bro. Look at the sweat cheeks on that stool after he gets up. Every time he sits down, it makes a noise. Jeez, I don't know what's going on. Jeremiah has the same body as the bodybuilding chick from earlier. Let's throw a fanny pack around him and see what happens. Welcome to the roast of

Jeremiah's Buse. Wow. Alright. It's an amazing, amazing thing. I don't even remember what he said anymore. No, it doesn't matter. You're like,

you know, this is like, this reminds me of like Hillary Clinton. Well, no, that's the wrong fucking reference. God damn it, I had such a fucking good one, but I fucking blew it. Anyway. It's okay. No, no, it's not. I fucked it up.

Anyway, Arthur, what's the most interesting thing about you? Try to be more interesting than Jeremiah's pubes right now. I don't know, dude. Ah, shit. You live in the dorms? I live in the dorms. I moved out, dude. That shit was brutal. No, well, actually, see, I'm not like a normal UCLA student, so I transferred in. From where? Yeah, I went to community college in Pasadena. Gotcha. Yeah. I almost said Pubsadena.

Yeah. The Bush is still winning. Yeah. It is. I'm gonna step backstage so the show can continue. No, come on. No, come on. No. All right.

There he goes. Oh, man. Joel has to go, too. Joel has normal trimmed pubes. You know what the bummer is? I feel fine. This is comfortable for me. I'm just going to go.

They both have the flattest asses as they left. They do, man. Just flat ass. You need to work on that. My God. Hit the gym, fellas. Yeah. I don't know what Jeremiah is doing when he's not shaving his pubes, but it's definitely not squats.

You know what I mean? All right, Arthur. Hell yeah. They fucked you, man. Yeah, they did. The pubes fucked you. I'll be back. Fuck yeah. There he goes. Arthur Martin Yeah, they did. The pubes fucked you. I'll be back. Fuck yeah.

There he goes. Arthur Martin, ladies and gentlemen. Artie underscore Mark. And there you go. We did it. How about that? Let's end it like a bunch of gentlemen. That's Kill Tony live at the Comedy Store.

Look at this fucking drawing. This guy's a monster. RyanJBelt.com. Check out these prints. Get the new Kill Tony poster. This guy's a monster. RyanJEBelt.com. Check out these prints. Get the new Kill Tony poster. Get Kill Tony the book. It's unbelievable. Everybody that's gotten a copy loves it.

I was signing some in Nashville yesterday, and everybody's happy with it. RyanJEBelt.com for those. Very, very, very fun episode. Brendan has a lot of fun stuff going on. You're going to Vancouver September 13th and Chicago September 20th to the 22nd. Check out The Fighter and the Kid, of course, and Below the Belt is coming back on Showtime Season 2

next month. Chroma Chris, how about one more time for Brendan Schaub, everybody? Come on. Chroma Chris was here tonight. Chroma, what did you think about tonight's episode? Red hot, Tony. Fuck yeah.

How about, let's see how loud this place can get for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. Come on. Jeremiah stole the show tonight with his pubes in a close second place. Jeremiah has an amazing podcast called Jeremiah Wonders where he does a bunch of hilarious, great characters, interviews a fun person every week, tries to find out a little bit more about their lives and fun stuff. What else is going on, Jeremiah?

Check out Reagan and Watkins. What else is going on, Jeremiah? Check out Reagan and Watkins. We'll be headlining Wednesday, August 16th, with Joel Jimenez and Malcolm Hatchett in Huntington Beach, the rec room. And then August 26th, Sunday, we'll be in Phoenix headlining, bringing Joel Berg as well. Yeah. Fuck yeah. We love Joel Berg.

How about you make some noise for Joel Berg? Huh? There he is. Joel is on all social media platforms and mostly sorry. What else, Joel? I'm working on some shirts with Ryan J. Ebel. I'll be giving some info soon. Joel Berg shirts are coming. I fucking love it.

Guys, we've been doing Kill Tony on the road everywhere and you've got to check it out. See it for yourself. I'm sure it's coming near you because we're going to Lansing, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Toronto, Boston, Providence area, San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth. So be sure to get tickets. You can check out all the past episodes at YouTube.com slash Kill Tony. Yes, we are loyal to the YouTube now. Fuck them.

Yes, sure. Let's burn bridges permanently. Fuck Vimeo. Yes, sure. Let's burn bridges permanently. Why don't we? That's always a good idea in the business of show. I had so much fun with all you guys tonight. Live audience, thank you.

This is one of my favorite episodes. Enjoy yourselves. Have a good night. Outro Music Thank you. I'm out. Thank you.