KILL TONY - KILL TONY #290

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

Rick Ingrham, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Malcolm Hatchett, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 09/03/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website deathsquad.tv for all the Kill Tony episodes you've ever wanted to see. Past episodes,

new episodes. Also, you can check out tour dates. If you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the real famous comedy store, but we go on the road all the time. We're about to go on a tour. We're going to Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Detroit, Toronto. We're also going to San Francisco for Kill Tony Mania, which is two shows in one day. And a bunch of different dates. Go to DeathSquad.TV and click on tour dates.

Also, Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode. He drew the Kill Tony poster and the Kill Tony book. You can check out his website, RyanJEbelt.com. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Go there for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Go there for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe.

You can also get the Kill Tony shirt there. Go to ShopSquad.tv. All right, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Van coming to you live from the real famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hanchcliffe. Hello, everybody. Make some noise. Here we are.

It has begun. You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony. Make some noise for Brian Redman. Brian J. Ebel, the house artist, is here with a blank sheet of paper. He's already begun drawing tonight's episode. While you all sit there, he draws the show. There's a print of every show that's ever been done available at RyanJBelt.com

and they just sold out of the poster we just found out. The five year anniversary poster sold out. We have a lot of dates coming up and I've been doing a lot of stuff lately and with that

said yes, breaking news this weekend for you youtube fans and people listening to the podcast around the world this weekend coming up i'm doing la jolla comedy store all weekend four shows announced out of nowhere why not I'll take somebody else's sloppy seconds, go down to La Jolla, just pack it out. And I'm just doing stand-up there. I'm bringing Josh Martin with me, so that's going to be a lot of fun.

And the great Malcolm Hatchett will be opening those shows, so cool for him. But we are all going together. We have some fun road trips coming up where we do Kill Tony and stand-up comedy shows. We're going to Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan.

There's Kill Tonys and stand-up shows on each of those. September 20th, 21st, and 22nd. Toronto, September 28th, midnight show. We just announced last week that Joe Rogan was going to be joining us on that and it's sold out. So that's currently sold out. I wonder why. Now the midnight theater Kill Tony

in Toronto has already sold out. But I'm doing one hour stand up sets there throughout the week. They have me doing solo shows where because it's all French and Canadian you can't even have openers or anything like that. Why yeah I don't know. It's some like weird performance thing

Chicago I'm in Or October I'm in Chicago, and then we do kill Tony mania. That is that's craziness kill Tony to kill Tony's in one night in San Francisco I do stand up in Connecticut after that then we do Kill Tony in Swansea, Michigan, Boston, Providence, November 9th, Chaos. And then we go to San Antonio, Austin, Houston, Fort Worth, and... Jesus, that's a lot.

And then also, how about one more announcement? I don't think I got this out last week. There's not going to be a Kill Tony on New Year's Eve here. Yeah, it's a whole thing. The Comedy Store does their own New Year's shows. That makes sense, right? It's a New Year's Eve. And so they're going to be a Kill Tony on New Year's Eve here. Yeah, it's a whole thing. The Comedy Store does their own New Year's shows. That makes sense, right? It's a New Year's Eve. So they're going to be doing their own shows.

And I'm going to be performing in Dallas, a solo headlining stand-up show. Just me. So if you live near Dallas, you guys rented me for New Year's Eve. So you might as well come see a fucking show. Shout out to Blue Apron, ZipRecruiter for Hymns.com. Let's do this shit, shall we? Let's just get into it. It's Kill Tony. We have a guest. Every single

week, I have one of the funniest comedians in the world on this show, and truly, this is a very special one. He was the guest on the first ever episode of Kill Tony. Hinchcliffe Notes. Yeah, it was called Hinchcliffe's Notes. We changed it.

Oh, man. Soon after. And I had him on that show because I know he's absolutely hilarious. He's truly, truly, truly, I mean, people say this in intros, one of the best, one of the funniest comedians.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the great Rick Ingram, everyone. Come on. Let's do it. I'm excited about this. We're back in the saddle again. Host of the Comedy Store

podcast with our other good friend Eleanor Kerrigan. Rick Ingram is back. Does this remind you of episode one? This is a little different. It feels a little different. The room is a lot larger. Yeah. The people,

way more attractive. Yeah. But I have a feeling that comedy is gonna be just as awful. Yeah. It's true. Do you remember

doing that first episode? I do. I remember it very well. I was like, this is genius. As well as like Hinchcliffe notes. I'm not sure that's... I'm not sure that's a winning recipe.

But you add murder to the title, people get interested. I never listen or really watch this show but I did get a chance to glance back because Brenton, the social media manager here at the Comedy Store asked me earlier

in the week if I had any pictures of that episode or on that show. So I just brought up the video and took a screen grab of us sitting there. When I was fast-forwarding, I heard myself say, you know, nine people signed up tonight for the chance to do...

It's so crazy. There was nine people that signed up, and I think four other audience members. Two of them were Laney and Jerry, the older couple that are here every week. They're in like Panama or something this week. Is that right? Yeah.

They're fucking so gross right now. Oh, yeah. They're just fucking sloppy. Sloppy. Margaritaville. Everywhere. Jerry's hitting every hole. Well, Rick, I'll tell you this.

When we were doing that episode one, we did not have a head of security. We did not have a band. But now we fucking do. Did they have the Patriot back then? No. I don't even think he was there. We met the Iron Patriot after that show that we did.

Afterwards, he came up to me. He's like, anything that I can do for you, I will do. I'm like, alright. You're going to stand next to the stage. Anyway. But now it's a band. We have an amazing band. The best damn band in the land. Every week they commit to different characters. I never know what they're going to do. I have no idea

ever. And so let's see what happens. Ladies and gentlemen, it is the Kill Tony band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. All right. Whoa! Oh, we've seen these guys before. Wow.

We've seen these guys before. I do believe this is white trash. Jeans, a tank top. Hell yeah, we are. Wow. Hey, one man's white trash is another man's white treasure. That's the strangest white trash man I've ever seen. I haven't been able to get Theo Vaughn on in the last few months

But I guess I'll settle for what we got here Wow, we got Jeremiah That mullet is fucking Going back to his Kansas roots Hell yeah, man How you feeling tonight? Hell yeah, last time you saw us in San Francisco We were there, but we didn't realize a lot of gay people live there

So that's why we came back to LA. That's right. Your last appearance was in San Fran. You spent a lot of time there, though. Yeah, a lot of creepers out there, man. We're going to be back there, all of us, for two shows on October 12th, Kill Tony Mania in

San Francisco. Anything crazy happen to you up there? Shit my pants. And then we have, look at this little adorable princess. No matter what he does lately, the last couple months, no matter what character Joel tries to be, it's definitely always a female, I feel like. Like, you look like a weird hot chick or something.

You're weird, like if Ariana Grande wore a blonde wig or something like that. Yeah, I think that's more on you. You got a weird taste in women, dude. More attractive than Hannah Gatsby, I'll give them that. Nanette. So everybody's with us. We have the band. We have Rick.

Everything's exciting. You guys know how it works. I think about 60 or 70 comedians, or maybe it's just someone who hasn't done it before. They all signed up earlier, long before the show, on the patio to get a chance on this stage. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. Aw, you can barely hear it. Let it out of the cage. There it is.

Wrap it up then or else you're gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Wow. Furious tonight. You guys ready to start this shit? It's Kill Tony live. Can you blast off the, uh, you can turn off the side neons. Fuck yeah.

Let's do this shit. All right. You guys excited for this? All right. We know this young lady. She's been on the show a few times. She's actually pretty funny. Put your hands together for Jessie Johnson, everyone.

Jessie Johnson. All right. We have begun. Listen to that white trash guy play that fucking saxophone. Come on. Jesse Johnson, everyone. All right. So, you guys like comedy, huh?

Have you ever heard of famous comedian Eddie Murphy? He's so funny. If you haven't heard of him, get a radio. No, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. He's the brother of famous comedian Charlie Murphy. Rest in peace. Anyway, I just found out Eddie Murphy's expecting another kid. That means he's going to have ten kids. Yeah, ten kids. I bet his dick's so stretched out. Ten kids? Are you kidding me? Dude, I bet his stretched out dick looks like a gauged earlobe. Dude, I bet Eddie Murphy's dick's more stretched out than my mom's second divorce proceeding.

Dude, stretch bet Eddie Murphy's dicks more stretched out than my mom's second divorce proceeding. Dude, stretch marks, dude. I bet his dicks more stretched out than the war on terror. That went on so long. Is it still going on? I bet it's not. Oh, can I finish it? Oh, there's more. Go ahead, yes.

I bet it's not as stretched out, though, as his ex-wife's pussy. Am I right? Oh, there's more. Go ahead, yes. I bet it's not as stretched out, though, as is XY's pussy, am I right? Oh, too far? Not as far as Eddie Murphy's stretched out dick. All right, that's it. Wow. You know what? Sometimes destiny happens for a reason. I think that capped me out at exactly 60 seconds

to let you know that that's where the bit should end. Right, right. It was very possible. Incredible. It was definitely two beats too long. I timed it out. I was like, well, that's the minute, but I really want to get that tag in there.

Hell yeah. It was the death of a lot of comedians, that last tag in there. Yeah, exactly. And then it doesn't work, and then you feel like you have to do something else to close it afterwards. Just one more? Dude, I played a game of tag with my dad.

He never came back, man. I'm so happy to be on the white trash episode. So, Jessie, that was a really fun set. How's life been? You've always had fun, goofy sets on this show. Thank you. I'm glad to be back. Everything's been going great.

I think I was back in February. It was the last time I was here. Good. The worst month of the year. Why's that? Pretty racist. Oh, fairly racist. Oh, wow.

I agree. Hold on. Wait a second. I want this to be cleared up. I want to Hold on. Wait a second. I want this to be cleared up. I want to give him a chance. Why is February? Because Valentine's Day. Nailed it.

Nailed it. Got to buy stuff for your significant. All right. So, Jesse, what's been happening? It's been, what, like six, eight months since the last time we saw you or something, right? It feels like longer. What was the first joke you did that just made the comedians laugh? What was that one?

So, you guys like comedy, huh? No, you don't have to do it like how you did it. You just give me, like, the subjects that I could. I talked about Eddie Murphy. The radio. Oh, have you ever heard of Eddie Murphy? Oh, yeah. Oh, I got you.

The whole thing was an Eddie Murphy bit, wasn't it? It was. Oh, have you ever heard of Eddie Murphy? Oh, yeah. Oh, I got you. The whole thing was an Eddie Murphy bit, wasn't it? It was. Oh, there you go. So about your life in the last few months, anything crazy happen or anything like that? How's comedy been treating you? Clearly you've been on the circuit, right? Yeah. I've been getting booked on shows.

I feel like I'm really out there and doing great shows. You're out there all right. I work on a show in Phoenix, too. We got that coming up in October. I've been doing a lot of clubs, and it feels good. Very cool. Why do you have the glasses of a conspiracy theorist? The shirt of a grandmother.

I'm going to make a cool grandma. I love these glasses. What the hell? My timing's so off right now, but it's working. The confidence is there. Do you have a day job? Yeah, I'm working four jobs. Well, I'm a PA, a production assistant on three jobs.

And then I babysit. Nanny, if you want to sound elite, but it's babysitting. Tell us about that family. They're really nice. They live in a great house. I watch this five-year-old and we go swimming and we play games and we

and everyone's like, oh, this is... They pay you to sit on their baby? No. They do not like when I do that, Joel. I would love to see her in nanny care. What do you do when you babysit? Are you internet, porn?

Like, what do you do? Nope, none of those. A lot of Wii, a lot of swimming. A lot of wee. Has the five-year-old heard the Eddie Murphy bit? No. I'm waiting until his birthday. We have the audio of a five-year-old.

What's that, Jerry Sandusky's basement? What's going on there? Too soon? The old Sandusky's basement? What's going on there? Too soon? The old Sandusky whip. Jesse, anything else crazy in life? You have any hobbies or fun talents or anything like that? I play the trumpet. I've been playing a lot more lately.

Eventually. Thanks, guys. The world needs more trumpet. I've been playing a lot more lately. Eventually. Thanks. Thanks, guys. The world needs more trumpet. I think so. I played a careless whisper. I tweeted at Jeremiah, coming for your spot. Whoa.

Look out. Unfazed. Unfazed. Seems like the audience really wants that, too. I know. I want to play it on stage, but I don't want to gimmick. You don't have it with you, do you? No.

That would be epic. Trump versus Saks. I know it. You'll have to bring it next time. I never just carry it around. Yeah, where would she have it right now? I mean, I could guess a few places, but... Like what, Joel? Your vagina, I was thinking.

Nice. I was wondering. That Joel's a straight shooter, man. That's what my ex-wife always said. Well, Jessie, it was fun times. Thanks for having me back. Of course. Yeah, very fun set. Very silly, goofy, it was fun times. Thanks for having me back. Of course. Yeah, very fun set.

Very silly, goofy, lighthearted. Got political. She's right. Her timing is off, but she's funny. Jessie Johnson, everybody. She's on Twitter at Jetski Johnson. It's interesting. She's always been awkward.

She's always had an awkward style and delivery thing. I felt that. She's definitely getting better at it. She's getting better at being awkward. Well, because it's either when you see a lot of different comedians all the time, and when you see an awkward one, if that makes sense, early on, it's always one of two things. Either that's what they think is the funny version of them

and they're going to over time get funnier at it, which so rarely happens. The other option is they're awkward because they're legitimately fucking crazy. Psychopaths, yeah. And they always stay awkward because they're just awkward. It's good to see that she's expanded beyond school shooter awkwardness.

She was actually working on the craft the whole time. Tony, you know what we do with the awkward kids in my family? What? Just beat them. It's pretty simple. I thought it was going to be something crazier. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Brandon Bryan.

Yeah. Solid. Oh, from the farthest corner, the lucky corner. It's a weekly tradition that if you want to ever get up on the show, just sit at that table because it takes the longest to come from there. And walk the slowest possible. Yes, for sure. Look down at the ground.

Good cardio. Act like you're texting on a crosswalk when somebody's trying to turn around. One more time for Brandon Bryan. What's up, Comedy Store? Oh, shit. I just started comedy a couple months ago, and comedy actually taught me that

white privilege truly exists. I'm two for two on this show, 100%. Every mic I go to that's a lottery mic, I don't even put my name in. They just, they're like, oh shit, Brandon? All right, you're up there. A couple of my other friends, they're not white and they're always with me and they're waiting like two, three hours to get up and they never get up. So I guess it pays to be white. All right.

There you go. Wow. Dude, this guy was hilarious. He was smart. He knew. He said, I'm going to leave that last 15 seconds open because I already closed strong. That was smart. He knew. He said, I'm going to leave that last 15 seconds open because I already closed strong. That was incredible.

I mean, what can I say? Was that going to be your set regardless of who the guests were and who the band was tonight? Like, were you going to do that set two weeks ago when Too Short was here? That would have been awesome. I actually had a whole different thing planned, but my friend actually told me to go with that one.

I like that. He said, I got a minute. I should probably improv the beginning of this. No, we were going over jokes. I was telling him jokes like an hour back on the patio. I was like, I'm going to do this. He's like, no, you should go with that one. What's the ethnicity of your friend?

He's right there. He's black. Well, we can't see him. Hell yeah. Whoa. Wow. Oh, hey, hey, wow. I'm behind the curtain.

He's the one who told me to go with it. First of all, I'm surprised that you have a black friend. Yeah. Very bizarre. Second of all, you're wearing a Lil Uzi Vert T-shirt, and it doesn't match your everything else. Yeah. Wait.

I've been on before. Do you remember? You called me your favorite lesbian comedian. That makes sense. Two months ago. And look at you. Since I saw you, your special Nanette came out and everything's going good for you. He retired from comedy.

She retired from comedy. He's just out there political speaking now. I like your... I mean, you do have a good look, Brandon. You seem like... Hell yeah, he does. You seem like a fuck-up and like you sort of have it together

at the same time. It seems like you would do something crazy but then defend yourself in court and win. Yeah, like you would do something crazy, but then defend yourself in court and win. Yeah, like your shirt says Lil Uzi Vert, but your face says Lil Uzi Downs. You know what I'm saying? What?

What is that? I was like, what? I think he's saying I have Down syndrome. That was the joke. Yeah, we call this guy a Nastard, where I'm from. Dude, you gotta get some not-queer pants, though, bro. What's going on with those pants, man? What is your thing, man?

Where are you from? Huntington Beach. Huntington Beach. Orange County. There it is. Yep. And you still live there, right? Yeah. How old are you? Got them OC pre-torns on. He's coming off as a real hunting and screech, you know what I'm saying? What did the pants pre-torn cost you? What did they cost?

Yeah. I think like 30 bucks. You bought them already torn, right? Yeah. I can't imagine a scenario where they would naturally tear that way. Yeah. Nothing that he does. I mean, aside from like an Yeah. Nothing that he does.

I mean, aside from like an aggressive blowjob that he didn't want. A Me Too movement. Trying to write out math problems on his thigh. To answer your question, I'm 21. Whoa. He said how old are you? When people say they're 21, I tend to believe that they're not yet 21.

Should have said 22. When I started comedy, I wanted to drink at the comedy club in Kansas City, and I wasn't old enough, so I just did bits about being 21. That's fucking brilliant, dude. That is so brilliant. I just turned 21 two months ago,

and then some really lame joke and then I would just buy beers. Did you ever get caught? No, I never got caught. They figured it out on my actual 21st birthday. Wow. But they're a problem. So Brandon, you're from Huntington Beach.

You got holes in your pants. You do your taxes ahead of time face. Explain it. Like, what are you into? What do you... Do you have a job? Yeah, yeah. What do you do? I work at a restaurant. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's not like... What restaurant? Hooters?

No. What came first? The Lil Uzi shirt or the Black Friends? It's a chicken and the egg scenario. I understand that. It's more like a chicken and the waffle scenario, really. So which one was it? The shirt or the Black Friend? You go ahead whenever you're ready.

You have up until the end of the Jeopardy theme. The shirt. The shirt? There we go. That's what we thought. All right. So, Brandon, you're 21. What's your big plan?

You really been doing this for a couple months? Yeah, I started in June. You started in June. All right. What do you think a vagina's going to look like when you finally see one? If you had to ballpark what your mind thinks it would

look like, you'll figure it out. That's true. That's a good route to go on. Brandon, what's your sex life like? You ever hook up with chicks? You ever scissor with them or something like that? You ever just take your big fat fucking pussy and just slam it right up against theirs and just fucking

make the humidity go up in the fucking room, you know what I'm saying? You scissor bro or what? No, the last time I was here we had the same exact conversation. Really? We have to go back. Wow, I can't believe it worked two times.

I mean, look at his fucking head. Look at them for a second so they can really see. I mean, very rarely do I see somebody and just like the roasting part of me is like...

Like I could do this for hours with you. I could just sit in a room with you and be like, what was that, bitch? It's not really roasting, but you get my point. He looks like the nerdy kid from

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids all grown up. It's a good look. It is incredible. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and not shrunk his shirt. That thing looks like have those black people been spinning you around by your t-shirt or something? Do they bully you? Blink twice if they

bully you. I know where they're at. He's actually the kid from Christmas Story growing up. Yeah. You're doing the white privilege joke tonight, motherfucker. I don't know any of these references. He's 21.

The only Christmas Story you know is fucking L4. Got him, man. That's before his time, too. So what do you do? What's a 21-year-old do nowadays? What do you do for fun? I go to a lot of rap shows.

Really? Yeah. The same conversation we had last time. Sure. Who gives a fuck? I'm trying to find out what's goddamn interesting about you, so it's gonna probably be the same conversation, because I don't fucking remember.

He's positive. The audience is like, they already know this. They remember from last time. Heard it. I was here in June. I got a question for him. How do you like your pussy? I like mine smothered and covered What?

I don't even know what he said Have you ever been to a waffle house before? Have you ever been to a Danny's before? Yes Alright, there's an option on the menu To get your breakfast smothered and covered Okay, okay God dang, man Do I gotta explain everything to this guy? All right. There's an option on the menu to get your breakfast smothered and covered. God dang, man.

Do I got to explain everything to this guy? He's got black friends, Jeremiah, so it's a different thing, man. You never answered my question, and before I let you go, I want to find out. You must get tons of pussy, right? Last time you got laid, what was that like? Never. Never? You're a virgin? Did we talk about this last time?

Fuck, I knew it! You're a real virgin? Is Jen Murphy here? Wow. I would ask if there's any ladies in this room that want to fuck this guy, but I already know the answer is absolutely not. Maybe take him up to Kill Tony Mania in San Fran and toss him to the lions.

Oh, yeah. Any of your black friends ever rape you? Okay, what the hell is going on, Tony? What the hell, man? Did I put a finger in you? I'm sorry, Jeremiah. I'm sorry for that, man. Cruising down the street with one pinky in.

Have you ever done that with your black friends? No. Well, Brandon, I'm going to be honest with you. Your stand-up's dog shit shit but here's the good news you're an interesting guy I think you should probably fucking talk about really your life

I was going to but I was just gonna let it you were ordered by black people to do something different and your white guilt led to this absolutely amazing white privilege set different. And your white guilt led to this absolutely amazing white privilege set. He opened with my favorite line,

oh, shit. Every good comedy set starts that way. Well, Brandon, you're interesting as fuck. I spent way too much time with you. There he goes. Brandon Bryan, everybody. That's a fun guy. Yeah.

I feel like we were just as mean to him last time, too. Poor guy. If we bully him enough, he'll have a Netflix special by next week. Victimhood is hot. It really is. Pulled another name out Kim McVicker Alright Kim McVicker

Is that a real human being? Alright there she comes Watch out Here she comes Kim McVicker everyone One more time for Kim Hey I have a transgender cat.

Thank you. I'm really progressive. Yeah, no, I do. Mr. Kitty Kitty, he's now the cat formerly known as Mr. What happened was he couldn't pee, and the only way to save my cat's life was to cut off his dick and turn him into a woman. That is a real thing that my West Hollywood vet did to my cat.

He cut off his dick and turned him into a woman. I now have my very own Catlin Jenner. I do. I will say that having a transgender cat is a lot like being raised by a gay older brother, and that it's disappointing. Not because I don't support trans cats. I do.

I kept her. But it's because you can't tell that this cat is trans. Like, you can't tell. Like, she didn't come in in a little lady dress like my brother did at my eighth grade graduation. All right. I'm going to end on that. There you go. That meow got me. Alright.

How much of that's true? 100%. Mr. Kitty Kitty is now a she. Was that really his name, Mr. Kitty Kitty? It still is. I didn't change his name. Then that is an abomination to God, and you should kill that thing. Yeah. Immediately.

Jeremiah's face. I was concerned throughout that entire set, man. You could tell he was on the verge of throwing up. Let me ask you this, Kim. So they cut off the cat's dick. Did they also cut off the cat's balls? I did that already to him when I got him. That ain't right.

That's the first thing. That ain't right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. He did it in two stages. Wow. Yeah.

How old is the cat? He was like a year old. Oh, I would have put it down. You had the choice of putting him down. He was a baby. A year's a good life. Yeah. I mean, put it down. You had the choice of putting him down. He was a baby. A year is a good life. For a cat, come on. How long do they live?

Honestly, would you guys want your kids to go to the bathroom with a cat that's transgender? I have a daughter. Has your cat started to act different? I honestly was concerned about that. He's tapped in the butt more or something?

He still tries to have sex with the girl cat all the time. After the surgery, did you get him a glitter box instead of a litter box? So the cat is a boy, but he doesn't have a dick and balls. He's basically the last comedian on stage. It's pretty incredible. a dick and balls he's basically the last comedian on stage pretty incredible so Kim I have a feeling by by both your material and the way you look that mr.

kitty isn't the only cat that you have no of course not multiple yeah all right how many cats do you have? Two. I feel like you're lying. No, that's it. That's it, two. I would have more if I would, yeah, but I only have two. She cut herself off.

I would. I would have more, but you know it's an addiction. How many ferrets do you have? None. All right. You don't have any other animals? Only as a child. No, just two cats.

How many Dalmatians have you scanned for a jacket? What year is your Subaru? What year is your Subaru? What year is my Subaru? What year is it? I don't have a Subaru. What do you have? I don't know. I have a car.

What? It's a CRV, I think. I don't know. I bought it. It's a 2018. It works. You don't know. I have a car. What? It's a CRV, I think. I don't know. I bought it. It's a 2018. It works. You don't know the name? One of those Honda CRVs? Yeah, it's a car that I... Why'd you get so nervous? Are we about to figure out a Grand Theft Auto right now?

Live on Killtone? How do you not know the brand of your car? It's a car is the weirdest answer I've ever heard. It's like forest green? No, it's a black car. Oh, jeez. Wow. I don't know.

It's a Honda. I don't know more about it. I don't know about cars. I just bought it because it works. Okay, okay. So weird. Relax, relax. That's one of the oddest reactions

to any question I've ever had in the history of this show. Did you fuck that car? You ever take the cats in the car with you? The driver? You ever take the cats in the car in the silver spoon? Little boy. All right. What do you do for work?

I am a dance choreographer. Whoa, is that true? Really? You're like a professional dance choreographer? Yeah. My goodness. So you know how to dance? Yeah.

Who are you choreographing dances for? The last thing I guess would be Game of Thrones in Australia. They have a musical, so I flew out and did that. You're an expert in Game of Thrones dancing. Game of Thrones has a musical, guys. What kind of dancing do you teach girls? That one's weird. No, I like that.

No, no, no. There's a lot of fucking on that show. There is. Yeah, that choreography was interesting. But, yeah. The musical. Game of Thrones, the musical. It's a comedy.

Yeah, man. That Kalisco's hot, man. You ever work with anybody famous? Yeah. I used to dance for Puff Daddy. What? MC Hammer. Whoa.

Paula. Stop. Yeah. Those are the two biggest names in music. How about you? You ever do any work with Lil Uzi Vert? I do not. No, no, no. Too legit tour?

Be honest with us. Adam's Family Groove? Where were you on that? Not in the scene yet. How old were you when you were dancing for them? Ooh, 20s? Puff Daddy? Okay.

Yeah. All right. Did you sleep with Puff Daddy? Whoa. Did I? I accidentally, I do a joke about it. I touched his thing by mistake once. You puffed his daddy.

I touched Diddy's Diddy, yes. I thought I told you that we won't stop. I thought I told you that we won't stop. I thought I told you that we won't stop. How the hell you know that song? I got black friends, dude. How long you been doing stand-up comedy? Like three years maybe. Three years? Yeah.

Hell yeah. You have fun with it? You do it a lot? I do. I like it a lot. I do both. Either dance or this. It's different, but it's fun. I don't know what is happening back here. Choose a line. There or there. Well, I'm trying to see all parties.

That's all. Good lord. Kim, what's your love life like? I'm married. How long have you been married for? Five years. What does he do? He's a producer.

Whoa. Has he produced anything that we would recognize? Anything from MC Hammer? Game of Thrones, a musical, actually. No, he works for Facebook. He does the producing for the videos on it. He's like a great guy. Okay, I'm sorry. You're married to a Russian? Facebook. He does the producing for the videos on it. He's like a great guy. Okay, I'm sorry, guys.

You're married to a Russian? Yeah, I wish. Man, this interview tastes as good as tap water. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to be honest with you, Kim. From this angle point with the band behind you, this looks like one of my favorite episodes of Dog the Bounty Hunter right now.

Hell yeah, that's a real American right there, man. We're going to keep it moving along. There she goes. Kim McVicker, everyone. Yeah. You never know. We're always one question away from those interviews sometimes, finding out something amazing.

It happens once in a while. Something happened in that car. What does your husband do? She's very nervous with the questioning. Yeah, the car thing was shocking. Clearly a criminal. I mean, something's up with that car. She maybe hit somebody one night,

like a hit and run or something like that. She has no insurance or something, maybe. Murdered children is what I'm thinking. This looks like an interesting name. Put your hands together for Claude Claude. Am I saying that right? Claude Claude? Any

version of that name, it's you. Claude Claude. Looks like a blacklisted. Is that the person there? Claude? Yeah, I think that's him.

Is that you? That's the moment from Fast Time. Oh, here he is. Wow, he's just walking slow. Awesome. Claude Claudio from all the way in the back. Yep. All right.

He's from the bad table. This paper boy needs to walk faster. One more time for Claude Claudio, everybody. Here he is. Sure, step right up. Yep. You see me all right, mate? Lovely.

Wow, Scott. Yep. All right. Guys, shit, mate. What time is it? Okay, 56. I haven't done stand-up in a while. I'm actually, he's supporting a mate upstairs, but a mate of mine said, put your name down. So here we are.

You don't understand the accent? That's alright, mate. I grew up in Australia. But, does anybody know where Dacha is? Somebody's educated. Well, basically, the history of Dacha is where it ends, that's where I start. So I'm new to L.A., and I'm here to look at some comedians, and there they are. They're all there, man. Guys, I love you. All right all there, mate. Guys, I love this show. All right, there you go.

Cloud Claudio. Wow. Great set. Thank you. I worked on that music a lot. Really like that one. Thank you. Cloud, where are you visiting from?

I grew up in Sydney. Talk into the microphone. Sorry. Yes, where are you visiting from was the question. No, I live here now for the last couple of years. You've been here for a couple of years? Yeah, two. Wow.

Your accent and your demeanor is so just fucking landed today. Yeah. Thank you. I'm excited, man. You're so overwhelmed today. Yeah. Thank you. I'm excited, man. You're so overwhelmed at all times. Thank you. He sounds like a Russian trying to be Australian. Yeah.

It's very confusing. Were you watching this show? Why were you so confused on how the format of the show was? Well, first time here, like I said. Oh, no. But you've been sitting here during the show that's been happening, right? Oh, no. I went to grab a couple of beers in between, mate.

I'm thirsty. But I see what you guys are doing, and it's awesome. You know what I do? Let me guess. All right, first off, that sounded condescending as hell, what you just said. Second, I hate the way this guy sounds. I don't know what it is about him. I freaking hate it, dude.

Awesome. The way that you said,. I don't know what it is about him. I freaking hate it, dude. Awesome. The way that you said, do you want to know what I do? Is that how it sounded like? It's either you're a fucking magician or you take pictures of ugly chicks naked. Am I right? I photograph the beautiful women. That's what it feels like. Or I deliver the pizza.

Wow. That's awesome, mate. Don't stop. Don't stop. Keep it up. One thing I like with this guy right here, what he's doing, he's killing you with kindness, and I love that, man. Go ahead, mate.

You just keep it up. They're laughing. They're my mates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I do? I will keep it up. What do you do? You keep asking us.

What do you do, man? Just tell us what you do. I promote people like this guy on my left. You do what I do? I will keep it up. What do you do? You keep asking us. What do you do, man? Just tell us what you do. I promote people like this guy on my left. You do what? He promotes people like you. He promotes people like you. In Sydney, in London, in Cardiff, in Bourbon. Those are all cities.

Yeah, I know. They're not in America, man. Don't touch the talent, man. Oh, I'm sorry, man. Thank you. So who wants to come perform? Listen, I think I'm not the only one here who would agree that the best part about your set was when some crazy person got kicked out of the room.

Wow. That was great. He must be the same guy that I help every Monday at Hope of the Valley. You know, I help the homeless get up off their ass and get back in the society. So, yeah, he was one of my mates. Was that right? Is that true? Definitely, sir.

Really? Hope of the Valley. Hell no. That was my cousin Skeeter. He was drinking too much, man. I've seen him there, man. All that shit. Hell no, man.

I saw him, man. What are you guys calling him? Mary Card? Trailer Trash? All your mates are there. What the hell did you just call me? What the hell did you just call me? What the hell did you just call me? Hey, party, what did you say?

This immigrant coming into my country calling me trailer trash. I'll bite your dick off right now. Well done. Well done. Well done. If you don't say you like Trump right now, I'm kicking you in the dick. Well, you know about dick. You know about Trump, you know what the story is

I told my wife. Quit asking me questions like so bridge-throwing. Just tell me what you want, okay? What kind of sphinx is this guy trying to capture me with his eyes and like lead me into some kind of hypnosis? I ain't going for that queer stuff. Hey listen, do you know what Trump just did

last week, right? You know what the law he just passed since you know about your mate? Yeah, what did Trump do last week? Okay, well, didn't he just pass a crazy law that's going to make you guys into poverty within eight years? You know about that? No, I don't know that. All that I know is that Trump is making America

great again, okay? When was that last time it was great? So just hear that, huh? What? Come on, mate. He's mad. He's mad because he's not part of the greatness, that's all.

Yeah. Dude, this guy freaking gets it, man. Well, don't stop, mate. Don't stop what you're doing. This is for Jimmy Pitt is who that is. Listen. It's unbelievable.

You're like a heel version of some type of video. Well, listen, man. Google Dacha and you'll see I'm not joking. Where history ends is where I begin. That's why I'm here. Oh, my God. Wow.

When you came from Australia, did they make you check your douchebag? It is incredible. USA! USA! Keep it up, guys. You're just unbearable at every turn. It's incredible. USA! USA! Keep it up, guys. You're just unbearable at every turn. It's incredible. I almost want to keep the interview going just so that I can find out how horrible a human can be.

Dude, if there's an alligator pit right there, I'd kick your dick right into it, man. An alligator? There's no alligators in Australia, man. We're going to crocodile. You're in America. There's alligators here, bitch. Well, let's get back to what Trump just did. You know that? Okay, what did my

favorite boy toy do? Alright. Well, he just gave, from what I heard, he just gave all the judges a lot of power because they got rid of the bell. You know about that? Yeah, of course. Okay, so what's gonna happen? What's he saying on national TV, mate?

Quit asking me. Like I said, start telling me answers. All right, so I'm telling you. Let me speak to somebody that might know. So what he's actually saying, he's saying... Don't turn your back on me, you freaking son of a bitch. Easy, baby. Coming over here with your freaking gypsy clothes.

Oh, gypsy. And your freaking newsy hat. Oh, gypsy. And your freaking newsy hat. Oh, I'm from Danish land. Okay, yeah, I can mix up. Which trailer were you born in? Detroit? Don't talk about my mama's trailer like that. Was it Detroit or was it Connecticut?

I've been in Hartford. I've seen your kind, mate. So anyway, get him back to Donald Trump. You've seen my kind? That's racist. All right, let's get back to Donald Trump. Donald Trump just passed a crazy law, and the illusion is... Are you trying to start a conspiracy theory up right now?

He just passed it, mate. This happened last week. What happened? Basically, your judges has been given permission by Donald Trump to wave the bells. So what does that mean? He's saying that he's creating a balance between the rich and the poor. But that's not what he's doing, man. Bingo!

I'll tell you this. Our economy is up 4.3%. You son of a bitch. We're the goddamn richest, best, most artistic. We got it all figured out. Welcome to the greatest land on the planet. And that's why you married into it, you little bitch.

Oh, no, no, no. I didn't marry into it. I already did my math. Well, how do you get to stay here if you're a promoter in Australia, in London? Finally, a reasonable question. Oh, fuck you. I take it back. Oh, come on, man. I don't want another answer to that anymore.

Listen, man. I'm an EU citizen, Australian citizen, and I got permanent green card. Yeah, I can do fucking anything, mate. Wow, you're the worst. Anything I can. You can do it. I'm the worst. Wait what we do in eight years, man.

It's all about art, you small-minded children. Dude. It's all about art. What do you do? Wait. What the hell? Hold up. What do you do? Wait. What the hell? What do you do? Hold up.

It's all about art. Unbelievable. Hold on. Hold up right now. It's one thing to go after me because I might be a little bit more small-minded, but you dare not go after Tony Hinchcliffe, you dumb bitch. Tony? Tony who?

Sorry. Tony Hinchcliffe, you dumb bitch. Tony? Tony who? Sorry. Tony Hinchcliffe, the golden pony. Wow. And I swear to God, if you try to tell me that the earth is not flat right now, I'll murder you right here. Oh, my shirt. Yep. Oh, my shirt.

I heard about that. Oh, my God. You know how arrogant it is to say you can do anything when you clearly just could not do stand-up comedy for one minute? Did you hear that? Thank you for that.

Unbelievable. I appreciate you, mate. Thank you. I appreciate you. The last thing in the world I want is to be appreciated by a Russian, Dutch, Australian criminal. I'm not Russian. Clearly, you don't know where Dutch is, but that's okay, man. Look it up. Google that shit.

Oh, man. So, Claude, let me ask you something. You came out here and you said that in eight years, we're going to be burnt to hell because we're going to some dumb war, right? I never said that. But what did you say? What did you say? Something about judges. What's going to some dumb war, right? I never said that. What did you say? What's going to be different in eight years?

If this law stays in place... Talking at the tip of the microphone. You amazing artist promoter. Don't forget it. It's Claudio. So the thing is that honestly... Now this is serious, guys. Just stop and think logically. Finally, something serious.

That's very serious. Well, I'm glad you guys are laughing because you'll be sorry, but that's okay. Let me get my violins out. Dude, this guy smells shittier than my sister's pussy, man. You should know, right? You should know, man. I'm gonna get him out of here. There he goes, Claude Claudio.

Oh my God. How loud can this place get right now for the great Jeremiah Watkins? Yes. God, it smells like quiche up here now. Man, feels good to win another world war, Jeremiah. You did it, brother. You did it.

I love it. Let's keep this fun train moving along. Put your hands together for Mary Ann Parker. Yeah. Mary Ann Parker. I heard a verbal, oh my God, that's usually a good sign. Oh my God.

Seems like a new name. Here she comes. Man. Mary Ann Parker, everyone. Hello. I'm also an EU citizen, but I'm not a cunt. I just finished dating a dandy. For those of you who don't know,

a dandy is a man who looks and dresses like a homosexual, but is actually heterosexual. In America, you call it Ryan Seacrest. He always wanted to date me between the hours of two and 4 p.m. I would call it his heterosexual window. This is how it went down. Between two and three, we'd have tea and cake. Very proper.

Then between three and 3.50 would be all the unbuttoning of his dresses, his buttons, his baubles, his belts, and his cape. And then between 3.50 and 3.53 we would have intercourse. It's very meaningful. And then between 3.54 and 4pm

would be me looking all over the apartment for my dignity. Which was nestled right next to my self-worth. Fuck yeah. I want you to read me the news in the morning. Okay. That seemed like a commentary. That's a cool voice you have.

Thank you. Yeah. It does. It sounds like the directions voice on an app of some sort. Can you say make a left just ahead? Make a left just ahead.

Wow! Oh my god, we got a celebrity in the house! It's Siri! It's the girl from Waze. Can you say, take the next exit for Barham Boulevard? Take the next exit for Barham Boulevard. So good.

That's incredible. So good. You know what's funny? In the UK, the GPS is American. Whoa. Really? Jeremiah? Can you say,

Trump is the best president ever? Trump is the best president ever. Wow. Okay, something's going on. I don't know why you started sounding like me, but that really got me going. Wow. So, Marianne, you're from England?

From London, yeah. How long have you been in L.A.? Nine years. Nine years? These people are just coming over and staying in our country. All right. Build a wall. You have a pretty strong accent still. Yeah.

Can you talk American? Yeah. Like get rid of the accent completely? Get rid of the accent completely? Whoa. Witch! Burn her! Burn her!

Shife shifter. You already have three more talents than Claude that was up here just a minute ago And a bit about Brandon from earlier A dandy, is that what you called him? A dandy What does that mean? It's like a guy that's like

It's a metrosexual It's a metrosexual, but the guy that I dated was a guy called Sebastian Horsley and he had a top hat and tails Sebastian Horsley, and he had a top hat and tails. Sebastian Horsley. He had a top hat. Yes. You were dating the Monopoly man.

Yeah, and he was barred from the United States for moral turpitude. For what? Moral turpitude. What is... Fuck it. Hold on. I'm going to let Jeremiah ask the question, because I don't want to sound dumb asking it.

Okay. Is turpitude when you leave a bad stinker and a Johnny on the spot? No. Okay. What is turpitude? It means that you're kind of morally wrong. Okay, but. And a bit off.

Okay, but how do you go to prison for that? You don't go to prison. He just got turned away and taken back to England because he wrote a book. He wrote a bad book. He wrote a bad book about drugs and prostitutes and stuff like that. What about drugs and prostitutes? So he believes that prostitution

is a viable income. You should have a viable job. So you basically were hooking up with a pimp. Yeah, but I think he also prostituted himself out too. He was a male prostitute. Wow.

How long were you with this guy for? Not very long. So do you have crusty britches now? Oh my God. Brian. Crusty britches? No, don't try to figure it out. It sounded better when she said it.

When you say you weren't with this guy very long, what do you mean? Was this like a one night stand? No, don't try to figure it out. It sounded better when she said it. When you say you weren't with this guy very long, what do you mean? Was this like a one night stand? No, he died. At least we can say his name now without feeling bad. Yeah. Can you say it one more time?

Sebastian Horsley. Wait, hold on. The guy who wrote a book about prostitution, his name was Sebastian Horsley? I know, isn't that? Yeah, you got it. We actually have Sebastian on the line. Stupid. Okay.

How did he die? Heroin. Hilarious. Wow. Love that. Tony, I got a question. Why did a female superhero kill him? How did a female superhero?

Go on. How? He's saying that you look like a female superhero. No, you said heroin killed him. All right, moving on. Oh, wow. Wow. That's smarter than maybe what I look like.

You're dealing in homonyms back there. I guess so. Tell him he should have tried meth instead of heroin. You can stay alive on that a lot longer. Oh, that's bad stuff. He'd be alive and cleaning. Yes. He'd be awake.

So, Marianne, I mean, that's crazy. What do you do for work? Personal training. Personal training. And why were you hanging out? Do you hang out with a lot of crazy guys that are into, like, pimp, pimping, and heroin? I got so excited I stuttered on the word pimp. I said pimp, pimping.

Yeah, I've been known to meet some colorful people. Yeah? Racist. Is this on your way to kill Bill or? Oh, my God. Jesus, two for two. God damn. Joel Berg over here.

You throw them out there sometimes. They don't work. Your reaches tonight are more stretched out than Eddie Murphy's dick. Yeah. Nice. I got a good reach.

Oh my God. Jason Johnson. Marianne, what's another fun fact about you? You seem like a woman of many fantastic things. You hang out with guys named Sebastian Huxley and whatever. I go to Mosaic Church on Hollywood and La Brea.

And I love that church. Oh, you go there? Yeah. Okay. Hell yeah. Scientology or something like that? No. No, man.

It's called Christianity. You heard of it? Yeah. The way. The path. You go to church? Yeah. The way. The path. You go to church? Yeah. Hell yeah.

So I like hang out and do all the kind of moral wrong things. And then I go to church to feel better about myself. Classic Christianity. Country girl, shake it for me now. Shake it for me now. Shake it for me. Whoa, wow. That actually worked.

Yeah. It always works, man. It's called a white trash spell. All right, Marianne. Well, that's fun. You go to Mosaic Church. That's the most fun, interesting thing about you? Anything else crazy?

It's the fun, most interesting thing about me. Do you have any special skills or talents? Look at that front pocket work. Skills? Yeah, right? Yeah, what happened there? It's really shoved in there. It looks like a little cat paw.

It's like a retard pocket is what that is. A retard paw. You couldn't even put anything in that pocket if you wanted to. I probably, no, maybe not. All right, Marianne. Well, other than your tiny pockets, I guess that's pretty much it. Thank you very much. I probably... No, maybe not. All right, Marianne. Well, other than your tiny pockets, I guess that's pretty much it. Thank you very much.

It was nice to meet you. There she goes, Marianne Parker. Yeah. Sebastian. Hopefully. Back to the bucket we go. Sebastian is smiling down on us all right now. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Just needles hanging out of his arm up in heaven. Just fucking shooting up. Can't OD in heaven. That's what I always say. I wonder if that's what heaven's like. I wonder what the limits are on that whole heaven Christianity thing. If they're right and there really is a heaven and everything, what is it? You just shoot up heroin all you want?

My last two jokes would have worked in heaven for sure. If it's my heaven, those jokes are fucking killing, dude. Those were solid gold, man. Those jokes are your heaven, though? That's not on you. That's on the audience. That's right. In heaven, those jokes kill.

Hey, man, I don't think your drummer's as white as you think. The summer's getting hot down here, those jokes count. Hey, man, I don't think your drummer's as white as you think. The summers get hot down here, goddammit. Man, I had a suspicion about that. He kept telling me that he stayed outside the shed too long. Yeah, they locked me out of the motorhome. Sorry. Look, man, all I'm saying is if Trump is right, we got to watch our backs, all right?

All right, I pulled a name out. You guys ready for this? You get it? You having fun here tonight? We gotta watch our backs, alright? Alright, I pulled a name out. You guys ready for this? You get it? You having fun here tonight? What's going on? It's a big live show. This looks like a new name.

Make some noise for Hayley Hackett. Hayley Hackett. Oh wow, there she is. Double H. Finally, somebody close. So, I believed in Santa Claus for a while And eventually I saw my dad putting Christmas presents out by the Christmas tree And I was like, nope, Santa Claus is a lie, I'm done And I told him, aggressively

I was like, Santa Claus, lie, done He loved Santa Claus And he wanted me to believe it so badly, he made me, like, call a hotline. Like, to this day, he still asks me if I want to get my picture with Santa Claus at the malls. He's like, come on, sit on his lap. I'm like, I am 21 years old. This is inappropriate. He doesn't understand that. Anyways, so one day, my, how do I put this? My dad is Puerto Rican, so I guess I'm Puerto Rican too. And in Puerto Rico, I don't look it.

So we put out like grass and water for the reindeer. And we were putting it out and I had told him aggressively, I don't believe in it. I walked out one day and there was grass everywhere, water everywhere, the TV was gone, all the furniture were thrown out and my dad,

without missing a beat, walks out and goes, that is the last time I let Santa Claus bring those damn reindeer into this house. All right. Do you mind if I finish?

Do you mind if I finish? Go ahead, Go ahead. Okay. 20 seconds after the minute. No. So really recently, I was like, hey, Dad, remember that time the reindeer fucked up our house? And he was like, no, Haley, we got robbed. That's what happened.

All right. All right. Thank God we finished. I'm so sorry. Jeremiah Watkins. I think that we can all agree that we stopped liking you when you said you were Puerto Rican. It was incredible.

Did you let me ask you? It's only half. Haley, is this your first time ever doing stand-up? Actually, I did potluck back there, but this is also like first day. It's the first day of comedy. Well, there you go. How'd it go in there?

Same way. Pretty similarly. Let me ask you a question. Were you expecting that much of a laugh on the part where you said, my dad's Puerto Rican, so I guess that makes me Puerto Rican? Were you expecting that to be the highlight of your set, or did you think that last joke that two people giggled at because they didn't want to hurt your feelings?

I feel like honestly that's been the laugh of my life. People used to come up to me on the bus and ask me if he was my dad or if I was adopted. He'd be like, do you know this man? I'd be like, yes. This is my dad. Are you positive he's your dad? Do you have some suspicions about it?

A lot. He convinces. He's like, you are my daughter. I have this round face. And that's about it. Moon face. Yeah, it's a 360. That's like, you are my daughter. I have this round face. And that's about it. Moon face. Man. Yeah, it's a 360. That's what some guy told me once. He's like, you have a 360 degree face.

I was like, thank you. Wow. Yeah. She reminds me of a lot of girls who were kidnapped and raised by their kidnappers. Yeah. Yeah. This Puerto Rican dad of yours ever. Tell us about the dungeon you grew up in.

Well, my parents were actually divorced, so my mom raised me mostly. My dad walked out. You ever ask your Puerto Rican dad walked out on your white mom? Yeah, a little bit. No, no, there's no way that that could have possibly have ever happened.

Yep. Yeah. It's accurate. What? It's accurate. What? It's accurate. Anyway, yeah, no, it's the truth. I'm just repeating back what you said to me. So the Puerto Rican dad walks out.

How old were you when that happens? Four. Four. Four. Then he came back for a while. He left for a while. Came back for a while. Yeah.

We're good now. What was that last thing you said? We're good now. Right, of course. Yeah, you know. Casey're good now. What was that last thing you said? We're good now. Right, of course. Yeah, you know. Casey listens to this. When you were 15, did you have one of those quesos yerros? Did I have quesos yerros?

No. My grandma, you have to be Catholic for it. Quesos yerros? A queso yerro, you know? No, I know what you said. I'm wondering what she said. Yeah, me too. Quesos yerros.

No. I didn't have one. Yeah. What's your mom's story. I didn't have one. Yeah. What's your mom's story? Quinceañera. What are we ordering? Taco Bell right now? What's going on?

That don't make no sense. It's queso-ero. Queso-ero? That's like cheese. Queso? Dude, she's half Puerto Rican. You can hit her if you want. But I'll fight back.

No, don't do it. Oh, okay. I'm half Puerto Rican. I'll fight back. No, don't do it. Oh, okay. I'm half Puerto Rican. I'll fight back. Just saying. So, Haley, this is your first night ever doing stand-up comedy.

What made you want to start? How old are you? I'm 21. Oh, I do not believe that. That's like a Rick Ingram joke if I ever heard one. What do you mean you don't believe it?

So, do you have a job? I just moved here, so I am currently unemployed. Anyone looking? Where'd you move here from? I moved here from D.C. D.C.? Yeah, District of Columbia. Wow.

Wow. She clarified D.C. for you. Yeah. I thought you were talking about the comic book franchise. No. No. I didn you were talking about the comic book franchise. No. No. I didn't come from a comic book. Wow.

I mean, that's incredible. So how long have you been here from DC? Three weeks. Three weeks, and you're already a member of the Lollipop Guild. Yeah. Yeah. It was a hard introduction, honestly. What?

The introduction to the Lollipop Guild. Oh, okay. Yeah. You introduction to the Bolly Pop Guild. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was... Did you take an improv course somewhere? No. She's good with the tags. It was a good introduction. Hit me with another one, Tony.

I didn't pay $60 to that guy for nothing. Oh, my goodness. Her specialty are the tags, as you can tell by her finishing the joke at the end. I don't even know what tags are. Don't worry about it. Okay. I'll come up with it later. Go to West Hollywood.

First day. I'm here. All right. Yeah. So Haley, what's been the biggest culture shock from you coming from D.C.? Cocaine. Whoa. She just got a lot cooler.

Have you been doing it or hanging out with people that do it? No, I watched someone do it the other day Whoa That was like a highlight Wow I felt like I needed to feel like I was in California You watched? Yeah, I didn't want to do it

It felt like too much commitment So I was like, could I watch you do cocaine? Too much commitment Wow That's the problem with coke Every time you do it Just too much commitment Too much

Like you just snort too hard Thunder bumps till the day I die So you watch the person do it Yeah Wow And this was here in LA Yes That was a few weeks ago

That was like few weeks ago? That was like two days ago. Guy or girl? Boy. She's got 21 for sure. You're hanging out with this guy? Was it during third period? I don't even think she's had her third period yet.

No. No. 21. Who's this guy you're watching do cocaine? Wait a second. Was this Abraham Huxley? What was his fucking name? Arthur. Fuck.

It was her friend, Sandra. She did a line off my penis. Oh. So, wow. And, all right. I'm just spinning truth over leader. What did your friend who did the cocaine, what'd they do after they did the blow? I asked them how they fell, and they're like,

on top of the fucking world, and I was like, nope, I would get addicted so easily not doing it. I can see that. Are you addicted to anything else? Coffee. Yeah. What else? Sex. Really? Is that true? What's your favorite position? Let's get Brandon back up here. No, no, no, not like that.

We're going to change his life forever. Did you see Brandon earlier? If you fuck Brandon, there won't be a school shooting tomorrow. This is the only chance we have. Is Brandon still here? Save the world. Look for the biggest loser hanging out with black guys in the room. chance we have. Is Brandon still here? Save the world.

Look for the biggest loser hanging out with black guys in the room. Brandon, you can say that I took your virginity, but I'm okay. Wow. That's the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. I wish I could replay it in slow motion. She just said, you can say that

I took your virginity, but I'm okay. Wow. She offered up. Not only did she turn him down, she gave him like, here's something you can lie about. Wow. That was a nice touch.

I'm just waiting for my fourth period to be adventurous. You at least got a squat on it. Come on, man. I have to do what? You at least got a squat on his wiener. Squat? You got a squat on it. Come on, man. I have to do what? You at least got a squat on his wiener. Squat? You got a squat on it for it to count. Give it a freaking squatty potty.

Give it the real thing. He doesn't pronounce his T's. Squat. Squat. Gotcha. All right. It's funny that your name's Haley Hackett because you seem like sort of like a weird like Haley Hackett type.

Like that seems that name seems like a double H. That's what Hackett type. That name seems like it fits you. What's weird about it? You changed your name from Annabelle. That's what. You're the funniest woman haunted doll we've ever had on this show. Dude, I saw that movie though. Spot on, man. Oh my god, that terrified me.

Back in the game. You ever do that? You ever fuck with people because you look scary like that? Yes, 100%. You ever just stand over? You just watch people sleep while sitting in a rocking chair or something like that? No, I did get typecasted in every theater play possible as a ghost, though. Right.

Yeah, because of that beautiful white skin you got there. Oh, God. All right, Hayley. We're going to get you out of here. There she goes. skin you got there. Oh, God. Alright, Hayley. We're going to get you out of here. There she goes. Hayley Hackett. Thank you all. Wow. You know, Rick, you've been on this show a couple few times. We've always had a regular

on this show. Usually in the past it was always we had a couple young ladies. Yeah, it was usually chicks that Brian was trying to hook up with. I know. Force of truth. But now we have a guy.

He's unbelievable. He's so funny. He's opening up for me this weekend in La Jolla. I'm so excited for it. And he writes and performs a brand new minute every single week on this show. Everybody loves him. Make some noise, everybody. Here he is with a brand new minute. It's Malcolm Hatchet. What's up, y'all?

I was back there eating chicken wings. You ever get on the bus and you got a bus card, but you don't got no more bus wipes, so you try to get louder than a. I got on the bus earlier, I was like. Bus driver was like, you all right? I said, yeah, I got Tourex. I blame LA traffic for homeless people.

You ever been in traffic so long you get out the car and say, man, the hell with life? I was in traffic the other day. I seen this white dude get out a Mercedes Benz. Seen him at the park two days later. I said, hey, bro, what happened? He was like, the 101 South. He was like, why you here? Shit, the 4-5 fucked me up. Thank you.

There it is. Another brand-new minute. Hell, yeah. Looking good. What's up, man? So that's fun, another brand-new minute. Heck, yeah. Heck, yeah. How's life? So that's fun, another brand new minute. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. How's life?

Chillin', that chicken good. They got some good chicken here, man. Wait, you're eating the Comedy Store's chicken? No, Malcolm, don't do this. Shit, I ain't buy it, my homeboy bought it. No, no, no. What I like is just in physical appearance, he looks like if you took every

in living Color character. That was one of my favorite shows. Mixed them into one. It's a little bit of everybody. I'm excited to find out. We've all seen you before, Malcolm, but I'm excited to see what White Trash Jeremiah thinks about

your undeniable performance here tonight. I mean, you know, he said some relatable things. You've been on a bus before. Maybe. His timing was good. He made me laugh. Listen, I don't like to admit this stuff,

but that guy was good, okay? Whoa, look at that. Why are your fingers crossed? No, I'm kidding. So Malcolm, we're going to La Jolla together this weekend. Heck yeah, it's going to be fun. Yeah, it's going to be fun. You're going to be eating better things than Comedy Store Chicken.

How much of it did you eat? Yeah, you're going to be eating better things than Comedy Store chicken. How much of it did you eat? Yeah, you're gonna be in La Jolla Comedy Store chicken. Yeah, gotta be humble. I ate like two of them. What else is going on in life? What else is happening? Still living in your car? Yeah, I be at my friend's house too. I be walking around naked. Which friend? My friend Jalen. She real nice.

Oh, OK. She funny, too. Does she? Do you walk around naked when she's around? No, I walk around naked because she got a roommate. Oh. So I try to be respectful because I don't want to go back to the car.

Right. That's smart, man. But yeah, I've been chilling. I start another job tomorrow. Oh, you start another job tomorrow? I actually have an interview tomorrow, but a job called me today. It was like, hey, you start another job tomorrow? I actually have an interview tomorrow, but a job called me today. It was like, hey, you want to come tomorrow?

So I'm just... For those of you that don't know, Malcolm is famous for continuously, weekly getting new jobs and then either quitting or immediately getting fired and then quitting after they tell him he's fired. Yeah, his last one lasted two days. I was curious how you start a new job and then have to take off next weekend. Right, this weekend. Oh, they set up. He's either getting fired or quitting before Friday.

No, they're going to let me work early. I already let them know. I put my laws down on them. They was like, just come in earlier. Early on what day? Friday, so I can go to San Diego on time. What time are you working until? Well, Friday I would work from 6 to 2, but normally it's 8 to 4.30.

If I would have did 8 to 4.30, I would have been in traffic, and then I would have went homeless again. White Trash Jeremiah has bad news for you. He's actually taken that drive from L.A. to San Diego a few times. Yeah, bro, you were talking about the 101, the 405. Get ready for Fridays. You got to leave earlier than that, man. Yeah, you might have to leave.

Like noon, latest. Or I might just quit Thursday then. I knew I liked this guy. So perfect. Hired. What is the job? It's a warehouse. It's just boxing shit and taping it up.

It's some simple shit. Oh yeah, you're gonna quit. Hey, you wanna know what's crazy? I had an interview the other day at a warehouse and they shipped out sex toys. A men's warehouse. I tried. They didn't call me back though. Did you handle any dildos or anything? Nah, they didn't even take me back there because I was

too excited about everything. They didn't even call me back. Yeah, you don't want your employees getting that excited about that kind of thing. Malcolm, this girl that you're living with, is that like a friends with benefits type of relationship? Well, we friends. We help each other grind harder. She helped me out with my minute today. Hell yeah.

I like the way that sounds. Against the refrigerator. Well, yeah. What do you mean by that? Like, we just up all day just writing jokes and stuff. It's just real cool. Oh, that's great. Oh, she's a comedian as well.

Yeah, she's real funny. I don't, like, lick her feet or nothing. What is the roommate do? Oh, the roommate, she do, like, she an actor, and she work a job. And she stare at me a lot. Like you. I guess so. Exactly. I caught him.

I mean, I have to look at the people that are on this show, Malcolm. It's not really staring. Nah, they cool. They real cool. Huh. When does she stare at you? Weird times? Like when I'm coming in and I just walk by

because I be staring at her so we just be catching eye contact. Oh. It ain't no freaky shit. I think I just be having no nice outfits and she want to know where I shop at. That's probably it. Y'all look like Theo Bunn. Well, Malcolm, I'm excited about things.

Another fun new, Another brand new minute exactly about LA traffic. We're going to have fun. It's a hot topic. Yeah. You don't hear a lot of traffic jokes in LA. How long have you been doing this show now? Kill Tony?

Since February 18th. I think it was my first time. Dude, it's 11. time. Yeah. So March, April, June, August. Dude, it's 11. Almost seven. Almost seven months. Six months. I love it.

And Malcolm is also going to Lansing, Grand Rapids, and Detroit with us doing all the Kill Tonys. Hell yeah. You're going to write a new minute. New minute. A new minute for each of those cities. It'll probably be my best minute ever. Each episode? Yeah.

I love it. How about that? Another hand for Malcolm Hatchett, everybody. A new minute for each of those cities. Each episode? I love it. How about that? Another hand for Malcolm Hatchett. What do you guys think? Go back to the bucket, huh? Meet another goddamn human being? I think Brian has a chance with him.

What? Red Band? Me? Don't worry about it. What do I... I pulled a name out of the bucket. Let's do it. Ricky Macias?

Is that a name? Ricky Macias? If your name's Ricky and your last name begins with an M, it's you. Here he comes. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Come on, make some noise. It's you. Here he comes. Yes. Come on, make some noise. It's Ricky, everyone. Thank you, thank you. Good to be here. I try to be aware of how I look. I have long hair. I like it. But dudes get weird when they see you from behind.

They do. They really do. They're like, you look like a lady. I'm like, I'm trying to order lunch. Please leave me alone. It's weird, you know? Heavy long hair. One time I was outside of a bar and a dude came up to me, another dude with long hair, and he gave me a side hug. And he said he missed me. Yeah. I didn't know who he was. I did not. And he said he missed me. Yeah. I didn't know who he was.

I am not your ex-girlfriend. Also me three. Also me three. Sometimes women will compliment me. That's the intended purpose of this. You know? But sometimes they'll compliment me in a jealous way. And help me understand female competition.

I was like, what, did your man say something? Or what? I don't know, you know? Thank you. Oh, yeah. Yep. Ricky Macias, everyone. Oh, wow. You look like a chick from the front side, too.

That's incredible. Tony, can we find out what this thing is? Because I am sexually confused right now. I'm pretty sure this was, I'm pretty sure I know you. You were the lead character on Blossom, right? Yeah. Whoa.

You look like Howard Stern's son If you put him in the microwave What are you? I'm Mexican Half Mexican, half Jewish? No What are you? Half Mexican, half?

Just Spanish and indigenous Full Mexican What is indigenous? There's those cowards we stole this land from. Fuck yeah. Wow, that's interesting. How old are you, Ricky? I'm 29. 29 years old.

How long have you been on stand-up? Five and a half years. Five and a half years. Where at? San Gabriel Valley, mostly. Dip into L.A. a little bit. Okay. You play a lot of video games? Yeah. You can totally tell.

Yeah. You have a general demographic for the guys on this show. It's either a lot of video games or will kill somebody at some point in your life. Or shrunken Joey Ramone. I don't know. Nice. It's okay. We're still rocking and rolling, baby.

Wow. So, Ricky, you're 29 years old. What do you do for work? Computer programmer. No, no. Almost. It sounds fancier than it is. Aerospace machining.

Just a lot of metal shit. So what do you do with the metal? Cut it. Burn it. Form it. Just sand it. Bop it. Bop it.

Twist it. Lick it. Whatever, you know. Hell yeah, I played that game so you work with a lot of metal yeah alright what kind of music do you listen to? Skinner

Kid Rock it's easier to listen to artists I don't know how to categorize it. Radiohead, Deftones, the Mars Volta. Stuff to sleep to. Yeah, pretty much. Garth Brooks. I don't know the category.

Kane Chesney. It's funny because you just don't seem Mexican to me. I get that a lot. My Spanish is surprisingly... Your Spanish is surprisingly what still have an accent. Your Spanish is surprisingly what? Jewish? Eastern European Jew. Oy!

No one's ever told you this before? Have you ever seen a Jewish person before? I get that. Even other Jews come up to me. They're like, are you Jewish? No. Keith Urban? Crosby, Stills, and Nash? Wow. Well, Ricky, I mean, that's a good thing. Looking Jewish can help you

in life. I'm pretty sure my high-profile agents think I'm Jewish. Still works. Ricky, what else is going on in life? You seem like you have other fun skills and talents. Anything other than video games?

What's your video game of choice? Oh, God. You can just rattle off the first three that came to mind. Metroid. Excite Bite. Heavy Excite Bite player, top ten. No, God, it's embarrassing. World of Warcraft.

Humiliation. World of Warcraft. You believe me, John? Enter the gun, John. How long have you been playing World of Warcraft? Yes, forever. Since the beginning? Yeah. Wow.

My God. Since the beginning of time. Yeah. So, Ricky, let's talk about it. All the pussy. You getting it? Yeah. How's that work?

You meet girls in like Fortnite or whatever? It's pretty simple. I'm gonna jump over to you! Listen man, when you're a top level wizard, you can fuck anyone you want. What's the deal with that?

Do you have a girlfriend? No, no girlfriend. You a virgin? No. You have a steady income of puss puss? Yeah, for me, I guess. For you? So once every eight years?

Yeah, yeah. Tonight on 2020, do you have a steady income of puss puss? It's been five and a half years I've been doing this show. I have to ask things differently once in a while. I try to keep it fresh. Hey, how's the puss-puss? Do you get your puss-puss from World of Warcraft? No.

Oh, Jesus. So the last girl you hooked up with, what was that like? Where'd you meet her? Was that a Tinder date or something? Some app. Yeah, some app. That you developed up with? What was that like? Where'd you meet? Was that a Tinder date or something? Some app. Yeah, some app. That you developed or what? What's the...

It was like a kink app. Yeah, two in the pink, one in the stink app. What's the hair situation? How long have you been growing it? What does it take to get it like this? Three years and don't put shit in it um i feel like earlier today you had short hair and then you used head and shoulders once and uh just a little bit you know just commercials no yeah uh okay so on this app that

you hooked you met up with this chick from a dating app who catfished who um it was probably one of the middle school students that was up here earlier. And by the way, he's laughing pretty hard at this. It makes me think that it was a little, you know, double catfishing going on. Did you guys both settle for the broiled halibut?

We both reversed catfish. That's what you call when both people catfish each other, it's just halibut This app's called Kink Are you into bondage and stuff? Like dildos in the ass and things like that? I mean, Jesus

You asked the question that you wanted to ask And bondage You had to really spell it out Are you into pegging? No, not personally Damn it But you'll do it if they're into it. I'm not sure yet, but maybe.

Do you have to wear a latex mask in order to maintain an erection? And if so, when you put that leather latex mask on, do you put your glasses on over it? Over the... Slave mask. It's a lot of removing glasses and tying hair up.

That's what... Do you have any special moves sexually in the bedroom? Anything you do? Is there something you do? You ever noodle? He uses another guy's dick to have sex. Man, where did this come from? You look like Milhouse got into metal.

There you go. There it is. There it is. Goddamn. Look who finally found his footing. One hour, 40 minutes into the show. Hey, we're rocking and rolling, baby. Rocking and rolling, man. Rocking and rolling. Sometimes it takes a little while to work.

Not bad for tan trash. We're here, baby. Not all docs float, man. True. Before I let you go, what is your fetish? What's your thing? Just being dominant, pretty much.

Now we're freaking on his own, dude. Being dominated? Dominant. You're the dominant one. Life's got to balance out somewhere. Wow. So what do you do? Just beat the shit out of them?

Do you choke a bitch? Do you like choking? Yes, you do like choking. He said earlier he's full Mexican. Wow. So Ricky, what's the craziest, now that we've gotten to this full dominating thing, what's the craziest thing you've ever done

to a woman in the bedroom? Final question. If you answer it good, I'll let you go. If you don't answer it good, I'm going to keep you here and ask you about your fucking parents. Well, as far as that stuff goes, I'm actually more vanilla,

but just choking and shit, being rough. Being rough? I mean, yeah, it's pretty... Choking in shit? No, no, not until they ask. You ever give a girl a black eye and be like, where's your half of the rim? There he goes.

Ricky Macias, everybody. Come on. What do you guys think? Just one more time? Do a quick one. Yeah. Real quick, though. Where do you think that guy finds the corpses that he's dominating?

Oh, Jesus. I don't get the choking thing, man. That's fucked up shit. You like the choking? No, I'm not into the choking. Yeah. I like putting a penis into the vagina. Right. That's my thing. choking. I like, you know, putting a penis into the vagina. Right.

That's my thing. Yeah, I like women. Yeah. This looks like the kind of name that would be fun to end the show with. Put your hands together for Dan Donahue. Yeah. Double D. Dan Donahue.

Double Ds. Yeah, look at this motivation. Yeah. There he is. Come on, your final comedian of the night, Dan Donahue. Yeah. What's up, everybody? I was in special ed growing up.

Any other redheads in the building? We got any redheads in the room tonight? Anyone? All right, just me. That's fine. I was in special ed. Special ed was great. The only issue I had with it was it gave me too much confidence.

I now just have too much. You can only be told you're special so many times until it destroys your life. I was even too confident back then. I would walk down the hallway and see cool kids from regular class and just disrespect them because I didn't think they were as cool as the kids in special ed. So I would walk down the hallway, see a cool kid from regular class, and I'd be like, yeah, whatever, dude, sure, you can walk the walk, but can you bite the teacher? Coward.

That's it for me. Thank you, everybody. Yeah. Hell yeah. 56 seconds from Dan Donahue. How's it going? I'm pretty good, man. How are you?

Hell yeah. This is your first time on the show, right? Second time, actually. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't remember this retard from his last set? Hell yeah, dude. Oh, sorry. Tony?'t remember this retard from his last set? Hell yeah, dude. Oh, sorry.

Tony? I never forget a retard. That's my specialty. You look like an oxygen-deprived version of one of the Franco brothers. Tony? Last time, he said I look like Dave Franco got hit in the head with a shovel. Oh, there you go. Pretty good, dude.

You look like if Freddie Mercury was one of the Wahlberg brothers. Hell yeah, dude. I'm from Boston, baby. Boston Strong. Let's do it. Terrible city. Hell yeah, dude. Kind of, yeah.

So you were really in special ed? Oh yeah, whole life. What's the deal, man? Yeah, what did they find out? You don't seem retarded. That's why I asked. No, I understand. You have a learning disability. I'd say he seems a little retarded. A little, man? Yeah, what did they find out? You don't seem retarded. That's why I asked. No, I understand. You have a learning disability.

Sort of. I'd say he seems a little retarded. A little, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was mostly like writing, but they put kids with learning disabilities with like kids with emotional stuff or whatever. So, yeah. You're really emotional. You punched a lot of walls as a kid, didn't you?

Yeah, I do. How about now? What's some of the crazy stuff you do now? Not much, man. I just flew across the country to get a girl I met a couple months ago, Dog, and move her out here. You're a pilot?

What's that? Oh, God. There you go. Back to the beginning. Back to iceberg. There you go. Yes, if you were a... Back to the beginning. Back to iceberg.

Dang, that was cold, man. Wow. There we go, baby. So, Dan, let me ask you a question. Can you do me a favor? Can you say... Oh, here we go. Would you like salads or sandwiches?

Go ahead. Don't overthink it. Would you like salads or sandwiches? All right. You really tried hard on that one. Double D. Training kicked in, baby. Training kicked in.

I guess when you clear your throat beforehand, you can do anything. You summoned your retard strength to be able to say that properly. Hell yeah. All right. So, Dan, how long have you been doing stand-up? About three years now. Do you think doing stand-up helps the voices in your head? A little bit, yeah.

It quells them a little bit. What do you do for work? I work as a physical therapy aide. Who are you helping? Not yourself. Not myself at all, no. Mostly, like, old people. Like, it's a lot of old people.

Wow. Yeah. A lot of people who don't like, yeah, old people mostly. Just let them die, man. Yep. And you graduated with a degree in that? You went from special ed to physical therapist?

No, I actually went to college, weirdly enough. Where'd you go? UMass Amherst. Great school. One of the best retard programs in the country. A hundred percent, no. Yeah. It hundred percent. No. Yeah.

It was great. Yeah. And no, I had a communication degree, but there's like no vetting process for physical therapy aids. Is UMass Amherst anywhere near Swansea, Massachusetts? A little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

We're going to be there on November 9th doing a gigantic venue. Huge venue. I think it's like a 1,000 gigantic suite. So please, if you know anybody that lives anywhere near Providence, Boston, really anywhere near Swansea, Massachusetts,

within perhaps like six hours of Massachusetts, please go to that show. And that's what I call a retard booking right there. Yeah, it's pretty incredible. You know what would be great? Maybe you could get Claude Claudio to promote that shit for you. Good idea.

Just a thousand arrogant foreign motherfuckers. You think I will help you after how you cheated me up there? Do you know what I do? Do you know what I do? Do you know what I do? What do you do? Just tell us what you do. Yeah.

He asks questions. That's his thing. I make the art so that when your country burn... Piece of shit. Yeah, man. Suck our dicks, bro. Yeah.

USA, baby. Why'd you pick Amherst did you not get into worcester community college i was this close man i was this close i saw my handwriting they were like no you mess so you're a physical therapist you work with mostly old people what do you do for fun um i mean other than this i do a lot of lot of yoga, which is pretty similar to special ed. Other than yoga, what do you do? Do you ever get turned up with your friends? Not a ton. No, I don't drink a lot.

I don't know. What's your situation like with the old puss puss? I like this new Tony. What do you mean, new Tony? You ever get your Peter smoked? What do you do over there? What I like about Puss Puss is at first when you say Puss, people are like, what does he mean? Yeah, yeah.

But then you hit him with the second Puss. It's like, oh. I get it, dude. Hell yeah. It's like the lips. Like two lips. It's like Puss Puss. I pick up what you're saying.

Oh, yeah. He's better looking than the other contestants. Yeah, for sure. When it comes to the puss-puss, I think you... Girls definitely prefer a good-looking retard. A hundred percent. Over one of those, the aerospace guy or whoever the fuck that was. I'm sure he does all right, too.

Yeah, you could basically say anything to a chick with your good looks. Yeah, just suck my dick. Wait, I mean, suck my dick. Can I get your number? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mind rubbing peanut butter on your puss puss for me? There it is. You get savage with that retard puss puss.

Now, whenever you go down on a girl, do they like the extra drool down there? Hell yeah. When you go down on a girl, Dan, when you go down on a girl, do you call it giving them special head? There he goes. Dan Donahue, everybody.

And we did it again, and we're doing it everywhere. Lansing, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Toronto, Keltonie Mania, San Francisco, San Antonio, Austin, Houston, Fort Worth. Look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebeld. How about you make some noise for the great Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. RyanJEBeld.com, buy a print of that. Make some noise for the great and powerful Rick Ingram, everyone. RyanJEbelt.com.

Buy a print of that. Make some noise for the great and powerful Rick Ingram, everyone. Come on. Rick Ingram's host of the Comedy Store podcast with our great friend Eleanor Kerrigan. That's available everywhere. Part of the All Things Comedy banner. That's right.

And we love you, Rick. Thank you so much for always being hilarious and awesome. It's grown. The show has you, Rick. Thank you so much for always being hilarious and awesome. It's grown. The show has grown immensely. It's getting bigger. Speaking of getting bigger, the host of one of my favorite podcasts, Jeremiah Wonders, Jeremiah Watkins, is right over there. It was him the whole time under that wig, believe it or not.

Jeremiah, anything else you want to promote? New episode out of Jeremiah Wonders with The Wave. Look how awesome their merch is. The new Wave order. He's part of the Wave from Comedy Central's Roast Battle. Hell yeah. Watch Roast Battle. We just finished that.

And then, yeah, follow me on social media at Jeremiah Stana for all the goodies and good. Chroma Chris, always silent but deadly. Chris, I don't think you said anything tonight. What did you think about tonight's episode? It was as hot as my cousin, Tony. Woo! There you go. How about you make some noise for the one

and the only Joel Berg, everyone. Wow! He's been working out, losing vast amounts of weight and also comedic timing. Joel is mostly sorry on Twitter. He was mostly sorry tonight as well.

You son of a bitch! I thought I had a pretty good show. You guys listen to it later. I think you'll find some gems in there. That's branding. That's called branding. It's incredible. Wow. So much fun. I had a blast here tonight.

Live audience, thank you so much. Again, I'm doing La Jolla this weekend. I didn't get to promote it at all, so tell your friends. See you guys. Bye, everybody. Thank you. And stick around on the live stream for the drawing. We're about to hold Ryan J. Ebel's drawing up to the stream,

and we're going to start ending episodes with that. Thank you. Thanks for watching!