KILL TONY - KILL TONY #294 (GRAND RAPIDS)

Episode Date: September 27, 2018

Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Malcolm Hatchett - Date: 09/21/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly hey this is red band and you're listening to kill tony check out our website death squad dot tv there you have all the past episodes of kill tony and if you click on tour dates you can come see us live not only do we do the comedy store every monday eight o'clock but we are going on the road. We're going to be in San Francisco for Kill Tony Mania. That's October 12th. It's two

shows. It's going to be two separate shows, and it's going to be our 300th episode. So check out Kill Tony Mania at Cobb's Comedy Company. Also, we're going to be in Swansea, Massachusetts, San Antonio, Texas, Austin, Texas, Houston, Texas, Fort Worth, Texas. And a bunch of new dates are always being added.

So go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. Also, check out RyanJEbelt.com. That's the house artist. He draws every episode. RyanJEbelt.com. Tony has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Go to Tony's website for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Go to Tony's website for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. That's where you can get

the official Kill Tony shirt. We also have some new Death Squad shirts and a new Death Squad hat. Go to ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Pyramid Scheme in Grand Rapids, Michigan for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcliff. Of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcliffe. Grand Rapids, make some fucking noise. Yeah.

Holy shit. You are here. Live at the number one live podcast in the world, ladies and gentlemen. Brian Redband is here. What is up? I have a pitcher filled with hopeful comedians' names. A clear beer pitcher. This is the best we could do here.

If you're wondering what city to city the bottom of the barrel is, it's a regular old fucking beer pitcher. Yes. That's as low as we're willing to go. Fuck yeah. You guys excited or what? we are here this is our first ever Kill Tony in Grand Rapids

our second ever in Michigan we were in Lansing last night and they were a lot of fun you guys think you're a more fun crowd than Lansing? alright I guess we're just gonna have to wait and find out, huh? So far, so good.

Yeah. Red Band, we've been having fun. We're coming off a fun stand-up comedy show. Yeah, that was great. Anyone from the first show here? Yeah. Amazing. You people are fucking monsters.

Sounds like this crowd knows what they're in for here tonight. And way better weed than I thought. You guys have great weed. It's alright weed. It's alright weed. Everything gets us high, right? It's pretty good. Whoa, Jesus. How dare you, sir?

I don't know if you know this, but during this show when people go at Red Band, I defend him. Yes. Piece of shit. Yeah. You think I don't see you? You little fucking Macaulay Culkin with leukemia. Piece of shit. Yeah. You think I don't see you? You little fucking Macaulay Culkin with leukemia? Huh? Piece of shit. I got the fucking eagle eyes, dude. Don't fuck with me, homie.

There is no heckling in this show. This is a live podcast. I had to steal a girl's soul in the stand-up show right where you were sitting. It's the Tourette's seat. An hour ago. You don't want You don't want it to happen. It's the Tourette's seat. An hour ago. You don't want you don't want it to happen. That's the spectrum seat.

It's in the spectrum, right? It's like the pyramid scheme point. Anyway, so I'm excited to be here in Grand Rapids. Welcome to Kill Tony. You know what goes on here. You know, this picture of comedians' names.

And we interview people as it goes. And we're going to have a lot of fun. We're doing Kill Tony Mania for the first time ever in San Francisco. It's October 12th, and we're doing Swan Sea, Massachusetts. Huge Kill Tony there at the Venus de Milo

November 8th or 9th or something like that. The Friday night. That's a massive show. Is that true? Who said that? That's the other... Man, there's some real fucking... There's like some internet trolls out there tonight. I like this. Some fucking YouTube commenters made it to the show.

Huh? Let's fucking see if we can throw off some shit with our super negative energy. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I know I've gotten good, man. I've been YouTubing, commenting so hard, dude. I'm ready for the live show. So let's fucking do it. That is indeed November 9th.

All right, now I'm getting heckled by Red Band sound effects. Perfect. This is great, man. I was trying to fit in. Okay. And that's November 9th. So if you're listening to this podcast in the history, as though it already happened, not for you people.

That's what we're not plugging it for you assholes. It's for the podcast listeners. So we're going to get this thing started right now. This is Kill Tony Live in Grand Rapids. This is it. Every single week, every single episode of this show, we have a band.

Every episode, the band commits. They become different characters. I never know what they're gonna do. Last night, for example, they went deep into a second green room 40 minutes before the show started to get ready for their characters. They came out, and they were billionaires.

They had mustaches and monocles. It was hilarious. They've never been billionaires before and they were billionaires the whole goddamn time. I never know what they're gonna be. This week's no different. Make some noise for the best damn band in the land. The Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins. Joel Jimenez.

The Kill Tony Band. Oh. Whoa! We have seen these guys before. Two of perhaps the most famous characters in the band's history. Ladies and gentlemen, the Cat Burglars are here! I have not seen you two in months and months.

Cat Burglar. Yes, Cat Burglar 1 and Cat Burglar Mexican back here. The one and Cat Burglar Mexican back here. The one and the only Joel Berg is here, ladies and gentlemen. And how about some noise for the band leader, Jeremiah Watkins, Cat Burglars tonight. Let's fucking do it. How did you, what are you guys, what are you guys doing in Grand Rapids?

Trying to steal some hearts tonight, Tony. And hopefully more laughs. Of all the places where we go to steal hearts, I don't know why you're picking Grand Rapids, Michigan. It is hard to see in this mask. A lot of cardiovascular disease out there. I can feel it. It's just in the air.

You know what I mean? Even the healthy ones have it here, I feel like. Are you guys the one that gets rained on by flint water that evaporates into the air? Is that you? Is this where it lands? I'm just curious. I don't know. Yeah, that's right.

I could be a bad guy. If you don't want to go crazy tonight, I turn heel real fucking quick. Giggity, g's right. I could be a bad guy. If you don't want to go crazy tonight, I turn heel real fucking quick. Giggity-giggity. Giggity-giggity. Giggity-giggity. So the band is in place. Everything is here. You guys ready to start this thing?

Let's go to the pitcher for the first time tonight. Bunch of people signed up. Maybe it's local comedians. I feel like I don't have enough volume. Do I sound extremely loud out there to you guys? Turn it up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Is it you that has it? We need to go up then. We need to go up in the house.

This is too low. Too low for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it sound really loud out there? It sounds better now, right? Maybe? Okay, let's just try to keep it there. Anyway, if I pull your name out, you get 60 seconds. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten.

Wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. You never know what's going to happen. Last night in Lansing, we had some people that it was their first time. Very promising. We had some people that were some of the worst human beings we've ever met. I mean, scum of the earth. Let me ask you this. How many of you want to see comedians get pulled out of here and do good?

How many of you want to see a name get pulled out and that person do bad? Wow. A lot more hate. These are my people. These are my people. I love it. Grand Rapids is one of the most Sith American cities on the planet.

In comparison last night, it was like very 50-50. That was extreme hate from you guys. I love it. I love it. This is my kind of crowd. You guys ready to hate on some motherfuckers? All right.

But who knows? Maybe we'll all learn a good, compelling story, find out more about them. Anything can happen. All right? You guys ready to start this? I pulled the name out of the bucket. Your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight

goes by the name of Ed DeVugde. The stairs are right down the middle. We got stairway right here. Here we go. Here he comes, everybody. Put your motherfucking hands together for Ed DeVoe. A little bit about myself. When I was born, the doctors told my parents I would be a vegetable for my entire life.

To be fair to the doctors, in 1988, To be fair to the doctors, in 1988, vegetable was the proper medical terminology for, what the fuck? Everything is dislocated. Having been told how many surgeries I had as an infant, I have the impression that I came out as just a sack of skin with bones inside of it. And I had to be put back together again like an erector set. Anyway, I'm not a vegetable.

I think the moral of the story here is don't believe your doctor. Ever. Oh, it says here you have cancer. No, I don't. Yes, you do. Are you going to keep talking? Can I smoke in here or what? Thank you.

Hey, look at that. Ed DeVoe. Am I saying that right? Ed DeVoe? You know, yeah, pretty close. Ed DeVogue. Am I saying that right? Ed DeVogue? Yeah, pretty close. Ed DeVogue? DeVogue, yeah. Yeah, DeVogue.

Wow, that's fucking awesome, man. Thank you. Yeah, one more time for Ed. Come on, guys. Hey, here. Hey, here. Wow. All right. You've been doing stand-up a while?

Almost four years. Four years? Yeah. Hell yeah. You from here? Yes. Born and raised? Yes Almost four years. Four years? Yeah. Hell yeah. You from here? Yes. Born and raised? Yes.

Well, sort of raised. Yeah. Raised to half-mast, one could say, right? Oh, boy. Never forget. Ed, I have to say, you are, out of all the comics we've had on this show, definitely one of the top 300 comics. And by that, I mean comics that remind me of people from the movie 300.

Fuck yeah. You're amazing, dude. What do they call your, what is that condition? Fiber type disproportion. Wow. What does that basically mean? That you get all the pussy?

The complete opposite. If I was in a wheelchair, people would like me more. If I was dumber, people would like me more. Right. Instead, I'm just an unattractive asshole. This guy can just not get a break. Wow. So, Ed, do you mind me asking how old you are?

29. 29 years old. What do you do for work? You have a job? Yes. Hold on. What was that, Cat Burglar Jeremiah? For work, he rings bells in clock towers.

It is a full-time job. It looks like he rings the bell at a digital clock tower What is the answer? What do you do for work? Hide under people's beds? Yes Get them over their fears of everything? I love it, yeah Are you afraid of ghosts, pedophiles, monsters, and rapists?

We have just the man to scare you. He's a stunt double for like in movies when people get hung on hooks. Wow, Jesus. Oh, my God. Red band. Why would you do that? Red band. Wow.

Is that true, though? Are you the guy that they put on the hooks? Duh. Yes, yes. So what is it? My job? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I am a head cashier at a local market. Ah, the head cashier. And by that you mean the cashier who you can only see his head. Yes. From the other side of the short. Yeah. There's the head cashier. And by that you mean the cashier who you can only see his head. Yes. From the other side of the short register and everything there. Just like, what do you want? Yep. Yes.

Hell yeah, man. You been cashiering a long time? Unfortunately, yes. You deal with a lot of the new cashiers. What types of people? Who's working the cash registers around Grand Rapids? A lot of college kids and older women with nothing else to do. Wow. You are full of hate.

I love it. You are like a guy that turns into a villain by the end of the movie. You know what I mean? Like you're the guy, everybody was against you. And, uh, then all of a sudden you have some kind of fucking superpower. If you had a superpower,

what do you think your superpower would be? The power of normalcy. Yes, pretty much. Yeah. You just turn into a normal, you just turn into, you just turn into fucking like,

uh, you know, uh, fucking Bradley Cooper. Yeah. That'd be great. Like 20 minutes at a time. And you're like, I'm Bradley Cooper. Yeah, that'd be great. Like 20 minutes at a time, and you're like, I'm going back. Oh! Oh!

Oh, fuck! Like that. Anyway. I mean, you got to admit, it would hurt if he went from, all right. Now, I do have a worry. I'm not going to be able to get down from this stage. Am I able to go back that way? No, it's okay.

We've already planned to toss you like that. Okay. All right. Do you like piggyback rides? I do. I will... The cat back level will give you a piggyback ride. There we go.

All right. But I'm not done with you yet. Or as I call it, a kitty bag ride. It's not going to be that easy. Your story is so interesting. So what made you four years ago start stand-up comedy? Like, was there a moment in your life? I always wanted to do it.

And then somebody... Oh, good. Somebody else I knew did it first and that pissed me the fuck off and so I that's a real fucking story who's the guy that started before you

it was actually my friend is his name Dane Cook too that's what got me started it was my friend Lauren she did it first and she and Cashier too cook too? That's what got me started. It was my friend Lauren. She did it first. She and Cashier too? No. How do you know Lauren? Smoking weed at the park. As teenagers.

Smoking weed in the park? Hell yeah. I'm going to go to Cat Burglar Jeremiah. Has anyone ever told you you sound like Ray Romano getting hit by a bus? Would you please say Debra for us? Has anyone ever told you you sound like Ray Romano getting hit by a bus? Oh, wow. Would you please say Debra for us? Debra.

Hey, wait a second. He does. I actually used to do a bit where I called myself Kermit the Frog doing an impression of Ray Romano. Wow. That really is. Man, you are something fucking else, dude. I like your style, man. You ever perform, you know, what's like the biggest gig you've done in four years?

Other than obviously being on, killing on the number one live podcast in the world. I did a kid's party as a teenage mutant ninja turtle. He already has the half shell. He already has the half shell. Zero in the half shell. And he does have turtle power. He has the power of a turtle.

Fuck you. I never get to make that joke. I was going to say he looks like Gilbert Gottfleiss. Gilbert Gottfreiss? Gottfleiss. I'll die on this stage. Yeah, let me update you guys. That's Koldberg, by the way.

It was a fun fact. For all the chance and the fun that happens, we announced last night in Lansing that if Joel Berg ever makes 10 bad jokes in a row that don't... 10 jokes in a row on a streak that don't elicit the Joel Berg chant, if they're not that good,

ever 10 in a row, and we're at one right now, then he has to get a tattoo on the show live. So keep an eye out for that. Did we figure out what the tattoo is going to be? Oh, you don't get to pick that part. Yeah, no, it's the Kill Tony logo. That's what he's going to get, right?

Yes, because I want the name Tony on my body. Oh, God. No, you're right, you're right. You don't want my name on your body. Oh, God. No. You're right. You're right. You don't want my name on your body. He needs to get a tattoo right above his crotch that says, one of the top young rising penises in the world. That would be good. That would be good.

Ed, what do you like to do for fun when you're not smoking weed in the park? I haven't smoked weed in the park in a long time. Yeah. Mostly I just start drinking and do open mics around here. Now I have a hunch you drink 40s. We'll be hunchback after these messages. How dare you?

All right, we're at two, by the way. It's iceberg back there right now. So, Ed, wow. I mean, so fucking cool, dude. I wish I could spend a ton of time with you, but we're going to keep moving along. But, my God, what a great performance. Such an interesting fucking cool character, man. long, but my God, what a great performance.

Such an interesting fucking cool character, man. You've been given what you've been dealt in life and without a doubt, you're talking about it, you're acknowledging the real shit and you're using that energy to elicit a positive, huge reaction from a crowd that I literally

found out 10 seconds before bringing you up wanted to hate somebody. And you came out here and you made everybody love you just by being yourself. Good luck getting off the stage. Thank you. There he goes. Ed DeVoe. Hell yeah. He did it. Chaos! Jeremiah Watkins executing a perfect piggyback ride.

He stole that little man. Wow. That was so fucking cool. How about one more time for Ed DeVogt, Wow. That was so fucking cool. How about one more time for Ed DeVogue, everybody? That was great. Grand Rapids, very young.

Wow. What a way to get the fucking party started. The fucking, look at that, a fucking young fucking, you know. Such a boner on Jeremiah also right now for some reason. Hey, Tony, that guy reminded me of a Picasso I stole one time. Oh, damn, the streak just ended.

Yeah, there it is. That is a joke. There you go. Kat Berger's in the house. All right. I pulled another name burgers in the house. All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys ready to try to watch somebody follow that? Here we go.

It is 60 seconds uninterrupted. Remember, no heckling out there. You guys didn't sign up, so you don't get to fucking heckle. And even, obviously, people that did sign up, you don't get to heckle these people either. 60 seconds uninterrupted goes to Junior Benvenides. Here we go. Here he comes. Right up the middle.

Hey, everybody. How y'all doing? Anybody here live with their significant other? I don't know if it's just me, but every time I get into a heated argument, I just, I gotta clean. I don't know what it is, I just feel like, I just turn into a competition sometimes. Like, it doesn't matter who's right, who's wrong. It's like how fucking clean I get that damn table, you know what I mean? And so like sometimes, I feel like I get that from my mom, because I came from not a broken home, it was intact.

But sometimes it felt broken. But there'd be times where, like, I'd be holding my sister's ears, you know, because there'd be screaming and stuff in the other room, and I'm like, why, why me? But then once the dust settled, I'd go outside and be like, man, that carpet's pretty clean. Them dishes are good.

My clothes are folded. And the kitchen smells like pine salt. And that's the power of pine salt, baby. That's all I got. Alright, well. 49 seconds. Junior Benavides coming up a little short.

Yeah, there it is. That's 60 right there. Came up a little short, sort of like Ed DeVoe. He was great. Alright, fuck it. Came up a little short, sort of like Ed DeVoe. He was great. Came up a little... All right, fuck it. So, Junior, let me get this right. You love cleaning shit, and your last name is Benevenides.

Do you think the two things correlate at all? It's Benevides. I mean Benavides You can white people get that messed up all the time So it's all good She knows I don't know if it's that What dying animal is that

It's an alien Wow lady You gotta put like a little dog muzzle On you or something It's an alien. Wow, lady. You gotta put a little dog muzzle on you or something. That laugh is... When you feel joy, others feel pain. All right. Well, here we are with you, Junior. Is that your real name, Junior?

Felipe. My father's a name, Junior? Felipe. My father's a senior, so I'm a junior. It means lover of horses. I've never ridden a horse. What? Mr. Hands over here. Okay. R.I.P. Alright. So, Junior,

what made you take the name Junior? Is that because... I mean, it was given to me, so I mean, it was given to me. So, I mean, I didn't call myself that. You did not name yourself when you were one day old like we all did? Oh, so it is your real name. Felipe? Right. My dad doesn't even go by his real name.

He goes by Phil. He goes by Phil? Yeah, but he's sellout. Yeah, yeah. That's what most Mexican guys do. They try to white up their name. You know what I mean? Yeah, if. That's what most Mexican guys do. They try to white up their name, you know what I mean? Yeah, if I ever... I'm Phil.

Don't ask for my papers. I'm Joel. Totally just a Phil, not a Felipe at all. He's really cool with the cops, too, which is weird. No, I bet. So let's talk about it. How long have you been doing stand-up? First time?

First time. There you go. First time. First time. Hell yeah. He's wanted to do this since he was a 12-year-old boy back when he bought that

shirt. He's been waiting for the day in which he can squeeze into it. He lost 40 pounds to get into that thing. You could tell he just barely made weight today to squeeze into it. He was cutting weight like a guy getting ready for a fight on weigh-in day.

He had trash bags. No water. Look at that fucking thing. I mean, that is like, that shirt reminds me of you. It's weird. It's like, you know, sort of Latin. It's very clean. A lot of wrinkles in the set.

You know what I mean? Anyway, what do you do for work, Junior? I'm an SMT operator, which pretty much just means I work with electronics. SMT? What is that? Salad, mozzarella, and tomatoes? SMT. What is it?

Surface mount technician. Pretty much just electronics. Is he part of shaking my tits? Surface mount technician. Pretty much just like, is he shaking my tits? Hey, whoa, he's on a hot streak. Streaks start at two. All right.

It goes the other way too, right? Yeah. What happens if you get 10 in a row? Oh, we've already talked about it. All right. Wow. So, one more time, SMT. It means?

Surface Mount Technician. Just like circuit boards, they put parts on. A lot of motive. What kind of circuit boards are you... Where are you working circuit boards at? Like Circuit City? Are you the mayor of Circuit City? Do you have a full circuit nickname like that? Like them going bankrupt.

It's me, King Circuit City. I am a CMTD. Alright, I'm an idiot. Go ahead. It's really boring. It's just like automotive parts. Like if you see the back of a car, LEDs and stuff like that.

Shout out. Shout out to LEDs. Yeah, sure. All right, Junior. Well, how old are you? 28. 28 years old. Wow. And so, what's your love life like? You single? I have a wife. Oh, yeah. You're married.

How long have you been married for? Seven years. Wow. How many kids do you have? Two. And you call yourself a real Mexican. I don't get it. I started at 28. I still got time. Did your parents have a lot of kids? Do you have a lot of brothers and sisters? I have two younger sisters.

He calls himself Phil. You have a boy and a girl? Two girls. Oh, me? I have two sons. Wow, I can't believe they're going to listen back to this and they're going to hear you call them two girls for a second. No! You did, just for a second.

You're like, I have two girls. Wait, me? Two boys. Also, if you were a planet, you would have two sons. That's true. Shout out to Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tatooine? Are we talking Star Wars Tatooine here? That's not even worth a chance.

What do you do for fun? What's like your, you know? I'm in a band. Really? You're in a band? What instrument do you play? I play What's like your, you know? I'm in a band. Really? You're in a band? What instrument do you play? I play guitar and sing. Oh, really?

Like every, probably half the people here. What kind of band is it? Rhythm and Blues Rock. Blues Rock? Yeah, Rhythm and Blues Rock. What's the name of your band? Haggard and Blue. Haggard and what?

Blue. Haggard and Blue? Yeah. Are you blue? I am, actually. Are you Haggard? Which one? It's pretty much a two-man band.

We don't go by pseudonyms or anything. I'm Haggard and I'm Blue. And we've got a song for you. Is that one of your songs? Yeah, I can do that. All right. Do me a favor. Give us a little...

Is there anything of yours out there on the internet, by the way? Spotify. Yeah, we're do that. Do me a favor. Give us a little Is there anything of yours out there on the internet, by the way? Spotify. Yeah, we're on Spotify. What would it be called? Haggard and Blue? Ampersand Blue. H-A-G-G-A-R-D That's how you spell Haggard. A-N-D-B-L-U-E

That's it. Like Eric Strickland and No, not like Merle Haggard Okay I'm spelling it out again Asshole listen closely H-A-G-G-A-R-D Yep Ampersand

The and sign Alright very good That's really bad No one will ever find you with an ampersand No one does that. You're probably like when you guys got stoned and thought of it, you're like, no one uses a fucking ampersand, dude. Everybody spells out

and we could be the fucking ampersand band. And literally, ampersand band would have been a better name than having an ampersand in the band name. The ampersand band's fucking catchy. In fact, you know what? I'm trademarking it right now. You just heard it live.

I am the lead singer of the Ampersand Band. Who knows who's in it? TBD with SMT or whatever the fuck. No, we got it. Haggard and what? Blue. P-L-U-E, right? Yeah, like the color.

It's not popping up, dude. Wait a second. It's really... Oh oh we got it yeah what do you think's the best song uh do you want something smooth or something a little uh do uh when i'm with you when i'm with you when i'm with you am i right oh rock and roll do shelter shelter shelter yes all right here's a little you're gonna sing along with it yeah i'll do it you better put your fucking heart into it, you fucking knockoff. Let's get it.

This is like if the Walmart kid locked himself in a grocery store for three months. All I do is eat. All right. Here you go. The lead singer of both Haggard and Blue. Performing his hit hit song Shelter. It's a long intro. Not that long.

It's not that long. It's like right after this. It's already too long. The wind is howling. Profanities. Saying I'm not worth it. And I'll never be. Who sings with their hand in their never be And the sky is crying

I got a guitar in my hand usually With a thunderous laugh Cause it looks down on me It gets darker as the clouds form I gotta find a place to take shelter from this storm Yeah, there you go. Alright. I usually have a guitar in my hand.

Yes. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna check in with Cat Burglar Jeremiah on this one. My cat pussy is soaked. Man. How often does that band play and how often do you get live suicides in the audience?

Not too often. How many times? I feel like that would be your guys' trademark. Like, you know, we've only got a couple songs left. I've noticed nobody's killed themselves yet. So we'd like to do a little song we call Shelter. Here we go. The night is perfect.

Everybody, how you doing? The night is perfect Everybody How you going? Why is your singing voice so much higher? It's like Hey everybody Why do you sing like a baby goat? Because I am the goat Wow, no you're not

Greatest of all toes I have fucked up toes. I don't know about it. Oh, God. Jesus. Why? What's wrong with your toes? No, adults don't even get into this. You should rename your band Cake Boss. Because you look like a cake boss.

All right. Junior, I'm going to be honest with you. First time, not the worst thing. You might want to talk about something that's more, like, personal to you. You know what I mean? It's hard to just believe that somebody loves cleaning that much. You know, it's not one of the hot button issues out there. You know what I mean?

If you're going to go into how much you love cleaning, you've got to get crazy with it. You know, you've got to really go for it. You don't want to try to make these people laugh. You just either will or you won't. Does that make sense? Dick and a Dyson or something. Yeah, put the old Dick and a Dyson. That's what the great George Carlin and Richard Pryor

and that's what they always said. Dick and a Dyson. But I'll tell you this. It takes a lot of balls to fucking try. And I'm going to check in one last time with Jeremiah Cowbergler. Am I the only one that is still curious about this man's weird toes? I am.

Alright. What is the deal with your toes? Is there something crazy about it? We're not going to see them. No. I mean... They fat? They short and fat? They just itch sometimes. You got toe herpes? There you go. Exactly. That is what I don't know. They fat? They shorten fat? They just itch sometimes. Ew. Okay, there you go. You got toe herpes? That's it.

There you go. Exactly. That is what I wanted to hear. There you go. I hope your curiosity is satisfied. Curiosity. There he goes, everybody. Junior Benavides, everyone.

All right. Let's keep this fun train moving along quickly. Here you go. What? Is your toe, your little toe, normal? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's, yes, everything is normal on me. Yes, absolutely.

Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Devin Watson, everyone. Devin Watson. Here we go. Here he comes. Come on, make some noise for Devin, everybody. Yeah, yeah. I'm high.

I mean, hi, I'm Devin. I'm new to comedy, so I figured I'd talk about pain and embarrassment because I got a lot of that going on right now. Nothing says pain and embarrassment like being the only nigga you know with a small dick. Seriously, I'm hung like a field mouse. In high school, I had a couple nicknames. They called me the one-inch warrior, the tiny titan, my favorite, Asian.

I feel you, dog. I feel you, dog. It was bad. I thought having a big dick was like the consolation prize to not having a dad growing up. Guess not. I'm lucky. The other day I went to the drive-thru to get some food. This nice lady took my order.

So I pulled up to the drive-thru. And this lady was so cross-eyed that I rolled down the wrong window. You know what I'm saying? I felt terrible. I felt even worse when I found out she was autistic. Shit. Thanks. I'm Devin. Appreciate you. Hell yeah.

Devin Watson. Hey. Alright, Devin. Grab that microphone. I'm going to talk to you some more. How's it going? What are you? What are you? What are you?

What ethnicity are you? You're a black guy, right? Yeah, I'm black. But I'm half Jamaican. I mean, I guess. Okay. If that matters. All right.

And you're born and raised here in Grand Rapids? I was born in Florida. But Florida sucks, so I don't rep that. Florida's terrible. But I was raised in Holland. Holland, sucks, so I don't rep that. Florida's terrible. But I was raised in Holland, which is like 20 – Holland, Michigan. There's this town, Holland. Everyone's like, oh, you're from the Netherlands. Clearly not.

There's some real Holland fans out there. Hey, anybody from Ann Arbor here? Perfect. Keep those Wolverines fans away from us winner Buckeyes. You know what I mean? We don't like to. You can't do that here. You can't do that here.

That's right, you motherfucker. You can't do that here. You can't do that here. He's new. Yeah, suck it, you fucking loser You can't That's right I've been biting my tongue all fucking night Don't

Don't do it Make some noise for all of us For getting to make jokes about the greatest rivalry In all of sports True Jeremiah Catburglar I am a big fan of Michigan sports. Wow.

Yes. Yes. Tonight I am. Really? Are you trying to steal the crowd from me, Cat Burglar? Perhaps. Hey, can I have a Scotts around or anybody? Can I have a Crown Royal and Coke?

And a Jack and Diet, please. Hell yeah. Jack and Diet and a Crown and Coke. Cat Burglar, you want anything to drink? Maybe a Roy Rogers? Could I get a red cat, please? A red cat? Wait, what is that? A red bull. What?

A bull's a cat? How about cat burglar Joelberg? You want anything? I would like a vodka soda, please. A vodka soda. Any kind of vodka for him. He's Mexican. Well, vodka is just fine. If you have any old stuff that pours out over shots onto

the bar, you could just spit into a cup. I'll drink it. Welcome back from our commercial break. Yes, for our own drinks. That was brought to you by the Pyramid Scheme. So, Devin, how long have you been doing stand-up?

This is my first time. First time. How about that? Thank you. Fucking amazing. Thank you. Hell yeah. How old are you?

27. 27. And what do you do for work? I work for a printing company here in Grand Rapids. Printing company. Fuck yeah. Yeah. What are you printing?

We do like signs and like posters for just like local companies around Grand Rapids. Oh, cool. Did you help make a Kill Tony poster for tonight's event? Maybe. I didn't personally. I had the week off, you know. I think we were asking. I was resting.

Were you taking a cat nap? Cat nap. What do you do for fun, Devin? You smoke pot? Oh, a lot of pot, yeah. What else? I sing. I make music on the side. You sing?

Yeah, I performed here a couple times. Shout out Pyramus King. Wow. What type of music do you sing? Like hip-hop, R&B. He's the other half of Haggard and Blues. R&B? I fucking love R&B. You have anything on Spotify?

I do. You do? What's that called? Solidify. Solidify. Like with a T? Like solidify? Oh, no, no. Here we go again. I try to keep it modern. That is another bad marketing idea. I, no. Here we go again. I try to keep it modern. That is another bad marketing idea.

I said no. Again, solidify with a T is something nobody would ever find. Yeah, I know. It was a side project. It was for fun. Did you say R&B or RIP? Yeah. I don't think solidify with a T is ever going to work. All you're really going to get

are people that misspell Spotify. Is this you? Yeah. This is you? Mm-hmm. You want to give us a little line? Can you sing this? Yeah, I can sing it.

Does it start soon? Ooh, top night all week. Stay high through sleep. My car drives loosely. My hoopty, My mind flies freely. My who sleep. I've seen things and made moves like Bruce Lee. I could drive eight hours and not pee.

New York to St. Louis in 30. Stop at Waffle House if I'm thirsty. Top down, blunts up, bad bitch. Stalled up, how we be when you cruising? Good vibes, long hours, bonfires all night. Feels good. Feels good. Wow.

Look at that. Thank you. You guys are so nice. Thank you. I wanted to listen to the whole thing. Yeah, that was good It's only 15 minutes you can get Wow man I can hear the sound of Haggard and Blues

Dropping the ampersand right now No ampersand What God did not give you in dick size He gave you in musical talent Is that true you really got a small dick Oh field mouse, bro. Field mouse? That's so tiny.

A field mouse is tiny. I mean, no, you're right. I mean... A field mouse is tiny in itself. I can't imagine how tiny a field mouse's dick must be. I just never count the first time. Like, I'm always going for the second time. Do you have a lot of field mice running through your apartment?

No. No. Only house mice. No. All right. Well, like, what? Just be honest with us, Devin. We're not trying to suck it or anything.

Like, how small are we talking here? Are we talking like... Are we talking like... We're talking soft. Are you talking like a can... You know, like one of those mini cans of soda? Are you talking about like the con... Yeah, it's like a five-hour energy drink.

But if I get a boner, though, it's like a mic. You know drink. But if I get a boner, though, it's like a mic. You know what I'm saying? So, like, I guess it's like it doubles. I mean, that's about normal, I'd say. Seven inches? It does. It does.

But I figure, like, being black. He's like, I have the smallest black dick in the world. Right, right. Exactly. It's so tiny. But when I get a boner, it's like a Louisville slugger. Oh, my God. Tiniest black cock.

It works. I mean, it works for me. I like him. Does it? Yeah, he's nice. I regret to inform you, you do not actually have a small cock if you are just a grower, my friend. The men with small dicks

in the audience right now are furious with you. Come on, where are they at? Small dick guys, make some noise out there. Come on. A couple of poor guys too drunk to realize what's happening. There's a lot of drunk people here. It's Beer City. A couple of hideous

Michigan women raised their hands. Devin, you have a girlfriend? No. I'd imagine you get laid a lot after concerts. Am I right? I do alright. Yeah, of course you do. But it's little so it's a quick thing.

It's a quick thing. Wait, the size does not have anything to do with how long you last That's true Is that how you think it works Devin? The smaller the dick like you're just done in 20 seconds You're like whoops sorry lady Oh it's quick It's quick

Gotta go by the way my phone's off Sorry good night Yeah I mean It's 50-50 for me. 50-50? Are we talking about your dick in centimeters right now? That would be a great comparison. But, like, 50% of the time, I'm Thraxin for, like, you know.

Thraxin? Thraxin, that's my word. Thraxin, like pounding, crushing. Like, you know. You know what it is, Gwiblin. Did you just hear that white girl fucking loser virginity back there wow that's incredible you like what's your preference uh white girls or black girls devon tell the truth white girls wow why do you think that is why is that your your preference um i went to yeah they're filthy they're filthy you're filthy there's a bunch of

them in here um no i uh i went to performing arts college in california and all the girls they were like pretty ballerina girls and most of them were white say that again there was a lot of ballerinas and and i you're singing like skinny white girls? You're lying to us, man. No. Yeah, they're dancers. They were dancers in California. And it was awesome. I became accustomed.

But I like all women. Just to be clear. Just to be clear. You got into the ballerina scene? Is that what you're saying? I just like dancers. And so I just like dancers. Race doesn't matter. but I like dancers.

All right. Well, Devin, I'll tell you this. Congrats on your first time doing stand-up. You have a hell of a cool energy and song and singing capability, and it's cool that you took a chance, signed up, and got to have some fun tonight. Thank you. There you go, Devin Watson.

Thank you. Thank you, everybody. He's on Twitter at high underscore Devin. Check out his music. He is solidify with one T in the middle. Junior Benvenides is JU underscore blues. Ed DeVogue doesn't even have a Twitter,

that son of a bitch. How dare you, Ed? How do people find you, Ed? Do you have a website or something? What did he say? Nobody asked me? You're the best. So then what?

Is anybody here? Can someone translate? Ray Romano seems pissed. Guys, be quiet for a second. What's your website, Ed? Okay, what is it? I'm pissed. Guys, be quiet for a second. What's your website, Ed? No, I have a Twitter. Okay, what is it? At Edgman88.

At Edgman88. Wait, how do you spell that? Is this like Spotify and ampersand and shit? Solidify? It's terrible. E-D-J-A-M-I-N. Yeah, no one's going to follow you. 88.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Your next comedian goes by the name of Carl Sobel. Here we go. How's it going? Carl Sobel, everyone. Howdy, guys. So, I recently became single, and I'm kind of all right with it, you know, because for me, relationships are like amusement parks.

You're in the parking lot, and you're like, sweet, we're at Six Flags. And you look inside, you're like, they have ring toss, they have roller coasters, Ferris wheel. You get inside and you realize all six of those flags are red flags. Like that Ferris wheel is leaning really hard to the left. I'm pretty sure that ring toss operates on meth. And why the fuck am I all of a sudden too short for all these rides? and why the fuck am I all of a sudden too short for all these rides isn't it weird how

easy it is for adults to lie to children to make them feel comfortable it's like in elementary school they'd be like checking you for gray hairs when really they're checking you for lice or at camp they'd say they're checking you for tics when really you're getting molested

thanks oh yeah they'd say they're checking for tics when really you're getting molested. Thanks. Oh, yeah. There you go. Carl Sobel. They always were quite clear that they were checking for lice at the school that I went to. Yeah, you had to sign a paper saying

Is that what they told you? That they were checking for gray hairs? Yeah. They didn't want to scare you? They didn't. How long have you been doing stand-up? Two months. Two months. All here checking for gray hairs? Yeah. They didn't want to scare you? They didn't. How long have you been doing stand-up? Two months. Two months, all here in Grand Rapids?

Yeah. Yeah, I heard there's a pretty big open mic scene here, huh? Yeah. How many spots would you say you've done since you started a couple months ago? At least once a week. Once a week. What do you do for work? I work at an aeronautic company.

Aeronautics? Yeah. What do you do? I'm quality control, so I measure everything before it ships out. Wow, that's a pretty big deal. Lots of responsibility there, huh? Yeah. Anyone ever die on your watch?

Not that I know of, no. I mean, we do more than aeronautics. We do a lot of stuff for Shure microphones. I mean, just tons of different companies. Oh, wow, there's a big drop-off there. You go from aeronautics to fucking microphones. Shure microphones is pretty good. This is a Shure microphone.

Yeah, Shure's one of the hugest companies ever. Can you give me free microphones? Yeah. I could try, but probably not. Never mind. Jeremiah, how are you doing this ventriloquist thing?

So, Carl, how old are you? 29. 29? Yeah. Hell yeah. For 29, I'd are you? 29 Hell yeah For 29 I'd say you look a little Worn out You seem like you're going to puke You look both haggard and blue

Do you test out the puke bags in airplanes? No, I've just been awake since 4.30 Awake since 4.30. Awake since 4.30am? That's the name of my band. Hell yeah. There's a wooer out there. There's a Jocko fan. People that just go crazy for waking up early. Fuck yeah. Woo! Yeah!

Go to bed at 7pm. Wake up at 4am. So cool. So, Carl, tell me, what do you do for fun? Why do you think it is that you really seem so haggard? Because you look like what I feel like Matt Lauer looks like right now.

Yeah, no. It's been a long week. I'm on overtime, and then this week I've gotten three sets, so it's like getting home at 11.30, getting up at 4.30. You look like the Wahlberg brother that was just let out of the basement. See, I was told I look like

the fourth Franco brother. This is also true. No, you don't look like one of the Franco brothers. I'm sorry, Carl. Whoever told you that was drunk and wrong. She was. Franken-brothers. Al Franken Brothers.

The Stinkle Brothers. Yeah. Yeah, Carl, you look like you've been up for days just fucking getting rid of stocks. You look like a guy that owns half of Tesla

right after Elon goes on Joe Rogan. Just like, what the fuck? Yeah. You look like the only guy who's ever lived from the Saw movies. Carl, tell us some things about you. What do you do for fun? I like to rock climb.

I'm really big into rock climbing. Really? Yeah. Well, it just so happens we brought a rock climbing wall with us, ladies and gentlemen. Let's get it out here. What else do you do? Honestly, I'm really boring. I just rock climb and I try to do as many open mics as I can.

Ah, one a week. So you're always between a rock and a hard place. I'm always rock climbing, working, and yeah. Yes, thank you. Yeah. Wow. Have you ever accomplished anything in the rock climbing community?

Kind of. I've done a couple competitions. There was a 24-hour competition I've done. A 24-hour rock climbing? Yeah. You climb for 24 hours straight, and you try to do as many as you can. I didn't come anywhere close to winning, but I finished. At the end of the

24 hours, what do you do? Kill yourself? You want to, but you just drink a lot. I'm actually, next Wednesday I leave. I'm going to do it again next weekend. Where do they do this at? Where's the 24 hour rock climbing? It's in Arkansas. That is so cool. Yeah, I'm super stoked.

I'm going to climb 12 hours They're doing janky ass free tattoos afterwards So I'm going to get one of those You're going to get a free tattoo What's your tattoo going to say? If they'll do it If someone does that I will be so happy Alright settle down people

This is one wild crowd tonight We'll kill you What kind of car do you think he drives? Should we all try to guess? Yeah. It says a Subaru. I say Subaru. No.

Okay. There's no doubt about it. This isn't the Price is Right. Shut up. There's no doubt about it. This guy drives and owns a Toyota Prius. I will say a Honda Accord. Jeremiah?

Chrysler. I say Subaru. Okay. Subaru. All right. Carl, what is it? Jeep Wrangler. Whoa.

Wow. Man, that is so disappointing. Yeah, I'm sorry. What do you do? You have to like jump up into it like a dog? Yeah. Like two feet have to be off the ground at once? I installed a step.

Well, Carl, I mean, is stand-up something that you intend to do seriously? Or you sort of look at it as like a release? What are you trying to do? Be funnier around the office or something? Oh, not at all. I mean, it'd be something I'd like to keep doing. I'm only two months in, but I'd like to just see how it goes and keep trying. Yeah, you look like if somebody

drowned Andy Samberg. You actually look like a Carl. Thanks. Yeah. Well, Carl, keep up the good work. Hey, thanks. There you go. Just keep fucking doing it. thanks yeah well Carl keep up the good work hey thanks there you go

just keep fucking doing it if you want to do it then do it there he goes Carlos Sobel thanks for being on the show man couple months in yeah alright you guys having fun out there? Yeah! Ha ha.

Alright. You guys having fun out there? Okay. Let's make some noise for Morgan Sterling. Here we go. I sometimes masturbate with a condom on. I once had a roommate who told me he squirts the shampoo straight into his hair. And I'm not a psychologist or anything, but that's definitely a sign that you're going to go to prison soon.

That is all I got. I don't got one more. 69, what? No, we're good. Something. All right. Well, there you go. Morgan's giving up early here.

Morgan, come on. There's nothing else you have? What did you do? You forgot something? That's all I wrote. You just prepared 20 seconds? Fuck yeah. You are adorable.

This is one of the first times we've ever had somebody on the show who snuck away from his parents' house to be on the show. For those of you listening, it appears as though the yodel boy from Walmart has made it on the show. For those of you listening, it appears as though the Yodel Boy from Walmart has made it on Yodel Sunday. No, he's a celebrity. He's that fake kid that you know in all the school shooter videos. Oh. What is it?

Priceless actor, yes. That's who it is. That's true. That was the first one he joked about. Yo, y'all remember Slim Jesus? Wow. All right, Morgan, so let's talk about it. What's the deal? How old are you?

I'm 18. 18 years old. Have you done stand-up comedy before? First time ever. First time ever. And you prepared. You said that you jerk off with a condom on. Is that true?

Absolutely not. Right. So why would you say that? That was like three quarters of your set. You just made up a lie. You're like, I'm going to do stand-up comedy. Well, sort of. I'm going to go tell a lie and then forget the rest.

Yeah. It's just a dumb thought that I had one day. I was like, who would try this and why? I have actually done that before. Yes. Yes, Jeremiah. I have actually done that before. Yes, yes, Jeremiah. I have also done that. Why? It is cleaner.

You don't have to do laundry after. Whenever you do not have the touch of a woman, you like to practice. Wow. So, Morgan, let's get into it. Do you try a lot of things spur of the moment like that? No, not really. Was there anything else?

Did you forget some things that you wanted to talk about? Did you sort of get nervous and blank out when you got up here? A little bit, yeah. Has anything come back to you since you've been up here for a little bit? There is a little bit more to the con. Yeah, sure. Yeah, let's hear it. Everybody's rooting for you, dude.

I'll tell you this. And Morgan, let me tell you something. Put that microphone, when you talk into it again, put it so that it's right fucking right up against your lip. And then project 10%, 20% more than you have been. Get that shit out of there. Crisp and clear, a little bit of space between the words. There you go.

Do it again. Morgan Sterling. a space between the words. There you go. Do it again. Morgan Sterling. I sometimes jack off with a condom on. I know what everybody's thinking, but you should really try it before you knock it, you know?

It's faster, and there's better time that you clean up, you know? You don't have to sit there for 30 minutes, bro. Yeah, he knows what's up. There you go. All right. You don't have to clean up. You know, may I recommend that if it takes you 30 minutes to clean up

your cum, I know a guy named Junior Benvenides who is obsessed with everything being clean. What's your phone number, dude? I didn't understand what you just said there. What's his phone number? Oh, what's his phone number? They don't write that down on the sheets. So you're 18 years old.

Wow. You graduate from high school? Yeah, I did in, I think, March. In March. And now what? What are you doing now? I am working at a liquor store stocking the cooler. Stocking the cooler? It is a small cooler then, right?

Absolutely not. Oh no, it's a big cooler. It's pretty damn big. Oh, continue being not funny. All right. What was the last porn you watched? What category of porn was it? Oh, Jesus.

I want to know. Yes, me too. Brian, you say only weird shit, man. You like big butts. You like big butts. I know you. Yes, he knows. All right.

So, Morgan, you just graduated from high school. What part of... Have you had sex with a girl before? No. No. Have you ever gotten a blowjob before? Yes. This is really awkward because my uncle and aunt are in the audience,

and I did not... Wait, who's... Wow. Well, the weirdest part is that one of them, it seems, may have been the ones that sucked your dick before. I mean, who knows? We're going to do some research after this. Find out which uncle touched you exactly.

Describe the blowjob, though. Oh, God. Anyway. I'm not doing that. Brian thinks 75% of blowjobs are bad. Oh, yeah. What do you want to be when you grow up, Morgan? Has this been a dream of yours for a long time? Do you have other skills and talents and hobbies and things like that?

Not really developed skills or anything. Yeah. What you been working on? I do a little bit of music. Oh, yeah? Do you have anything on Spotify? I do not. I saw you diss Eminem this week.

You are 99 Cents Kelly, right? Are you a gamer? I do play a lot of games. When you say you play music, what do you mean? What do you do musically? What instrument? MIDI keyboard. The what?

MIDI keyboard. That is the whitest answer I have ever heard. We know what that is. It's like video game music. It's like video game music, right? Brian loves that shit. Can't get enough of it. We're probably going to hear 40 seconds longer of it than we need to right now because you brought it up. So what else, Morgan?

What's it like being an 18-year-old? Tell these grown-ass fucking angry adults out there why they should like your generation. We hate millennials. That's why. What are you? Oh, my God. There's something new besides millennials? I don't why. What are you? Oh my god, there's something new besides millennials? I don't know. What are you?

I guess it's called Gen Z. What's it called, Jay-Z? Gen Z. I can't really hear because idiots keep fucking yelling shit continuously. Shut up, assholes. You don't have a microphone on you. It's pointless. Anyway.

Morgan, I know your uncle's watching you. Not only is he watching you, but he's trying to be subtle while totally not being subtle right here recording you straight in. That could perhaps be a... a live stream. I don't know why your uncle looks like your grandpa,

but I'm just going to keep moving on anyway. What does your uncle do other than touch you? Actually, Benavidez just came because he looks so much like Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean. I can't wait for his uncle to edit this video and take out all those parts

and they're like all in the family room together. It's just gonna cut from one part to the next. It's gonna swoop. Just come back on the word clean. Everybody's laughing.

Clean! What does your uncle do? What does he do? He is a psychologist, actually. Oh, wow. Perfect. And how does that make you feel? Has he ever made you lie down on the couch

with your eyes closed and open your mouth? And tell you that he's just dipping a little chicken wing in your mouth for a little... Now, listen. Listen, Morgan. he's just dipping a little chicken wing in your mouth for a little... Now listen, Morgan. Do not bite down on the chicken wing, all right? Nephew, I'm going to put this chicken wing in your mouth. Please do not bite down. This is all part of the therapy.

It's called the chicken wing test. Now I'm going to put the chicken wing in, and I'm going to pull it in and out over and over again. Do not bite down on the chicken wing This is a test of your psychology Making sure that you do not bite on my dick I mean the chicken wing First let's say a prayer Jeremiah Kaplan

I can tell he is a good uncle Because he really wants high quality video And he will not rebut What you are saying about him He records everything I can't believe quality video and he will not rebut what you are saying about him. He records everything. I can't believe how much balls it takes to get up here at 18.

That is incredible. The real test is if you continue to do stand-up after being embarrassed in front of everyone. If you do it, then you're in the game. If not, then you're a loser. I was ready to suck.

If you ever do it again, though, 100%, you got to project your voice by 50%. Because I even turned you up like 25%. No, how you did it right then was good. How you did it the second time was like 20%, 30%. It's good. Don't over-project either, though. Don't fucking be that guy. Keep the mic to your mouth you know it's a fine line you nailed

it when when i told you when you did it the second time it was fucking amazing you got laughs off of parts that we had all literally heard like i mean you really had natural timing and beats and for 18 that's fucking dangerous. If this is something you want to do, you already have a huge advantage. You could be great at this by the time, you know, most people are just starting. So congratulations on having the balls to start. Joel Berg's right. There he goes. Morgan Sterling, everybody.

He's on Twitter at SLAV.SGT or SQT. I'm not really sure. Ladies and gentlemen, let's do something fun. We have a regular on this show. And every single episode, he writes and performs a brand new minute. He's here in Grand Rapids tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Malcolm Hatchet. Yeah, what's up?

You ever got a piece so bad, you make up a dance? Man, I seen a girl so pretty, I compliment her like a gay guy. But I asked for her number how a straight guy would. I was like, oh, my God, you are so pretty. That dress with us from Fashion Nova, bitch. Can I get your phone number? No, ain't nobody gay, girl. I'm slagging big dick.

Ain't nobody gay. I was about to have raw sex one time and an AIDS commercial popped up. It said, protect yourself from AIDS. And in the corner, it had Magnum. And me being

the nigga I am, I went in raw. I just had my gun beside me. AIDS better not come in this house. Bow! Then I went to the doctor. He was like, you got herpes. I was like, beautiful. Long as it isn't AIDS. There it is. Another brand new minute

from Malcolm Hatchett. So much fun. Another brand new minute from Malcolm Hatchett. So much fun. Another one. Malcolm was in Lansing with us where he wrote and performed a brand new minute last night as well. And a lady just lost her baby in the corner. Yeah. Another abortion in the audience. So, hell yeah.

How's the road been treating you? You've been on tour with us here at this Michigan run. Yeah, Michigan time, man. Everybody cool. What happened since last night? Do you want to talk about that at all? Since last night? Have you had an outbreak lately?

I've been eating a lot of candy. Yeah, what is that question supposed to be? Because he has herpes. You're a herpes guy. Oh, no, no. That was just a joke. Yeah, what is that question supposed to be? Because he has herpes. You're a herpe guy. Oh, nah, nah. That was just a joke. Yeah, there you go. Nah, but I've been having fun, man. I got good food out here.

Hell yeah. What have you had? Anything? Ham and cheese. Where did we go earlier? Oh, yeah, you're right. Founders Brewing. Shout out to Founders Brewing. Yeah. Our good friend Lance. That shit Our good friend Lance. That shit was good, bro. I'm looking it up right now.

Hell yeah, it was. It definitely was. It's one of the old, what is it? One of the oldest brewers. It's the ninth biggest brewery in the entire country. You should be very proud of this, Grand Rapids. Hell yeah. My friend Luke Sass over at Founders Brewing Company.

We all had lunch over there today. Fuck yeah, there he is. Make some noise for Luke, everybody. Hell yeah! They took care of us. They made us feel so welcome. Thank you guys. Go to Founders and try out all their fresh, delicious, freshest beer

you could possibly have and try that fucking beer cheese. Beer cheese? I ate a fucking pound of beer cheese myself. Is bread too. Oh my god. Beer cheese? I ate a fucking pound of beer cheese myself. Is it like queso? Scooping that shit. Yeah, it is so fucking good. That shit good, I'm telling you.

I had to unbutton my pants. I'm getting fat. I love it. It was good though. So Malcolm, you know, this shit's crazy what you do, you know, writing and performing a brand new minute. He's doing basically, for the first time we've ever had a regular do, five new minutes in eight days basically by this run of three shows. He did a new minute on Monday, doing another one on Monday in L.A.

And then Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Lansing, Grand Rapids, and Detroit tomorrow with Danny Brown. So why don't we do something fun? Why don't you, for the rest of the show, sit up here and join us as the guest for the rest of the show. Malcolm Hatchett joining the panel, ladies and gentlemen. Boom. Back to the bucket we go. What do you guys say, huh? Capregler, ready to play that saxophone.

Look at that. It's like he's on pause right now. Make some motherfucking noise, Grand Rapids, for Aaron Shwetima. One more time for Aaron Shwetima. My dad and I have always gone tit for tat, maybe to a fault. Tit.

At a very young age, my dad made me watch a lot of horror films. Tat. Slept into my parents' bed until I was ten years old. Cock blocked my dad for a decade. Sorry, Frank. Tit. When I was four years old, we were showering, and he spit water in my face. Tat, I waited for him to turn around and wash his back, and I spit in his ass.

It's called an eye for an eye, Frank. We don't play that game anymore. Tit, my dad pressured me to go to college. Tat. I got a degree in communication studies. Damn it, Frank, now we're both in debt. And I appreciate you laughing at that because that joke cost me $40,000. I'm Aaron Skidema. Thank you. Aaron Shwedema. Am I saying that right?'m Aaron Skidema. Thank you. Aaron Schwedema. Am I saying that right? Yeah, Skidema.

Hell yeah. Goofy Dutch name. Aaron, welcome to the show. You remind me of a less weird Al Yankovic. I'll take that. Why do you look like this is the first day that you've ever gone without wearing glasses You look like you have bad eyes

I actually have perfect vision Really? I do, yeah Wow, you smoke a lot of pot? I used to, yeah Why do I feel like you play music for sure, right? I definitely don't play music You definitely don't

Yeah, I get that a lot though People just look at me and they assume, yeah What do you think the What do you think the rock Most rock and roll thing is about you? I broke my leg in front of like 8,000 people. Oh, yeah? How'd you do that? Ninja Warrior?

I actually used to work at the Van Andel Arena, which is the hockey rink here for the Griffins hockey team. I'd skate around the ice with the mascot. I was his homie. You were the guy that made sure the mascot Didn't get fucked with And nobody took off his helmet or beat his ass Yeah basically

And we'd go on the ice in between periods Did you have that hair then? Not at the beginning but I did it for five years So by the end I did Wow and you would go out on ice skates with that hair Just blazing out there It was beautiful Tony People must have thought they were watching the live version of Blades of Glory. I got that actually a lot.

Someone took a picture of me and put it on the Facebook for the team. It was like, Blades of Glory. I would have chose the line, Kenny Genius. Thank you, Joe. So, Aaron, tell us what do you do for work now? I work at a call center for a clothing store. Be back! Be back! Wow.

So what kind of calls are you fielding? Just people crying about pants and shirts, basically. Like, what do they say? Sometimes they'll call and they'll be like, oh my God, why isn't my order here? Why does this always happen to me? I'm like, it's just like a $5 pair of pants. Wow.

Take it easy. Damn, take it easy. Wow, that's what you tell them. You get what you pay for. It's a $5 pair of pants. That's exactly it, yeah. $5 pair of pants? Where the fuck are you working?

Right? Kroger? Yeah. That is impressive. What do you like to do for fun, Aaron? I like to play Dungeons and Dragons. Wow. That's why I think you should be wearing glasses.

Right, yeah. That's what it is. I have heard the Stranger Things. Yeah. What else? Dungeons and Dragons. What else? That's a Koldberg chant by the way

you can't just chant stop chanting pieces of shit some angry fucking Wolverines fans out there that just can't get over what I said earlier huh I fucking love it. You guys don't realize that I'm a pro wrestling fan

that roots for bad guys, so you booing me just gives me power. There's no way to win. Anyway. Go Michigan. There you go. There he is, ladies and gentlemen, the scat burglar. How dare you, you traitor.

Anyway. All right, Aaron, what's the creepiest thing you've ever done? Creepiest thing I've ever done? Hooked up with a girl on Craigslist. Whoa! How much? How much? Damn. One time. Wow. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. $1? How much? Damn.

Wow. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. $1? Okay. Let's get that price out there. So important. Always a funny answer when we're talking numbers.

Jeremiah the Cat Burglar. Tit, she gave him a blowjob. Tat, he got herpes from it. So let's go step by step here. And her name was Frank. Let's go step by step here. And her name was Frank. Let's go step by step here, Aaron. Step by step. I do not know why he touched my knee like that.

That was very weird. Why did you touch his knee? Looks like I'm stealing the wrong hearts tonight. Cut back now. Okay. So, Aaron, what has to happen in life for you to even look up going on a date on Craigslist? Like, what the fuck happens? You get hit by a bus and you're in the hospital bed.

You're like, fuck, I'm so horny. Like, what happened? Well, I lived in the middle of nowhere and I just like went on it just because I thought most of the posters are funny and they're entertaining. But there's one I was like, whatever, I'll throw a line. Yeah. What did it say? Do you remember something that it said that really caught your attention? Like fucking willing to fuck like that?

Was it a prostitute or just a date? No, no, she wasn't a prostitute She was just a college student Did you get catfished a little bit? She was about 10-20 pounds heavier at least No, she ran track at the school that I went to That's a good way to know That they're not going to catfish you

Unless of course they throw the discus Did you wear a condom? Yes Oh for sure i was already stepping out like i'm definitely going to protect myself to a certain extent right right uh what's the thing we would like to know the least about you like what's the most unlikable thing about you that you wouldn't want these people to know that you just got stuck getting asked that question tonight you answered it honestly and that was the best move. What's the most hateful thing about you? Like, what's the most unlikable quality about you?

You kick puppies? I don't kick puppies, no. Give us an example of something terrible that you've done before in your life. You ever knock an old lady over and laugh in her face? No. One time, my brother made me mad, so I threw an eight ball at the back of his head. Why would you waste all that cocaine?

There you go. There you go. Look at all the dirt balls going crazy at that one. Yeah. Red band. So what happened there? Did he have to get stitches or anything like that? Because you sort of look like you don't have that strong of an arm, to be honest with you.

He was actually at the bottom of the stairs, so the downward momentum kind of made it a little more powerful. Yeah, the gravity played a role. Did it cut him open or anything like that? No, he was actually okay. Yeah. Yeah. He's 6'7". He's a giant. So I think he's got to look a bit thicker of a skull.

6'7". Wow. Yes. I never finished your movie. Did the ring ever get to Mordor? What the fuck? Yeah. Cat Bugler. 6'7". Brother, what the hell does he do for work?

He just works in factories. Wow. What does he do? Put things on the highest shelves. Basically, yeah. All right, Aaron. We're going to keep flying through people here. You've been doing stand-up a while?

I've done it like a dozen times over a few years, but I've been recently trying to get back into it for the most part. Well, there you go. Hell yeah. This is a great place to do that. You did it. Aaron Schwetma, everybody. Malcolm.

I didn't get to ask Malcolm what he thought about this guy. Did you have any thoughts on Aaron? Yeah, I thought he was funny. He got nice hair. I think he'd be funnier if he put his hair in a man bun. There's some good advice from Malcolm. There you go.

All right. Let's meet another person together. It is Jake Szymanski. Wow. There is a wild sound. Here he comes. Here he comes. This guy's getting fist bumps.

He's really taking his time. Really taking his time. I lose volume again? One more time for Jake Szymanski. Right? So, let me restart. All right. If you ever want to humble yourself, just look to your more successful siblings.

And if you don't have any, you got Facebook memories. Eight years ago, I said, a sexy looking tranny is like eating a chocolate chip cookie and you

find out it's raisins. And there's nothing wrong with raisins. People love that shit. Go ahead. We're going to let you go until we get anything out of you. Let me see if I can... Come on. Keep going.

I put the bear in the cage. If somebody would have told me eight years ago that when somebody asked me when I talk to a stranger I was going to have to... If somebody would have told me eight years ago that when somebody asked me, when I talked to a stranger, I was going to have to... All right, Jake, let's talk about this. What happened? What's going on?

Pudweiser happened. Little known fact, he didn't look at jokes. He looked at his suicide note. And he brought up an empty glass. He drank it on his way here. I don't think his problem is that he needs more alcohol. Also, he recently had sex with a transvestite. Is that true?

Wow. So, Jake, what do you think happened here tonight? What went on? What was that? What the fuck just happened? Are you always like this? Did you get a little too excited? Did you get nervous?

Drink too much? Yes. I am fucking terrified. Yeah? Is this the first time you've ever tried stand-up? Absolutely. It's the first time I've ever been in front of more than four people at once. Wow.

There you go. Why have you been in such Closed quarters Are you one of the Are you one of the Cleveland kidnapping Victims that like Got like locked up I would have had a win before them

I would have had a win before them You would have had a win before them Cleveland didn't win the past four years. Oh, my God. No, don't you start trying to make jokes now, you piece of shit. We're way beyond that, dude. We're way beyond that. No, it's too late.

It's too late to apologize. Go ahead. Tell us what went wrong tonight, Jake. I fucking panicked. There's a lot of people out here. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't make it about them. No, no wrong tonight, Jake. I fucking panic. There's a lot of people out here. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't make it about them. No, no, no, no.

Let's talk about what you could have done better. I think had I eaten food after lunch, after work today, and I would have stuck to my script, I would have stuck to my script, I would have done... Jeremiah Kapler. FYOK. I have a question for you. Is your actual set on that piece of paper?

I would like to do your set right now. Oh! Should I bring you out? Should I bring you out? Should I bring you up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it. Now, should I bring up Cat Burglar, Jeremiah Walken, or should I just bring you up as Jake Szymanski,

and you're going to be Jake Szymanski, Jeremiah? You're going to play Jake tonight? Can you make it work? You're going to be the cat burglar? All right. Ladies and gentlemen. No, no, no, no, no. Jake, Jake, Jake, look at me.

Jake, can you hear me? Don't you dare fucking touch or talk into that microphone. Thank you. Yeah. You get to sit there. You don't get to do your fucking nothing burger right now. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to do something special.

Proving that anything is possible with a little knowledge, experience, timing. Performing Jake Szymanski's set tonight, make some noise for his stand-up comedy debut. It is Cat Burglar, Jeremiah Watkins. Yeah! Cat Burglar. If you ever need to humble yourself, there's no better way than to look at your main successful siblings.

Your more successful siblings. Your more successful siblings. If you don't have any, then there's always Facebook memories. On this day, eight years ago, I insightfully said, A sexy tranny is like biting into a chocolate chip cookie and realizing it's raisin. Which is fine. Some people love raisins. It's like having werewolves of London

come on the radio only to realize that it's a kid rock song. that it's a kid rock song. Yeah. I mean, that's really good. You want to keep going, Jeremiah Kapler? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Help me finish it. Help Jeremiah, but just don't talk into that fucking mic. Don't you do it. There you go. It's like playing fetch with a dog. It's like playing fetch with a dog.

But faking the dog out. But faking the dog out. And then realizing that you actually threw the ball. And it hit the dog in the face. But it's not a ball. But it's not a ball. It's a dick. And it's rubbing down your thigh. It's like, more examples, it's like... It's like if somebody would have told me eight years ago

that I would have had to ask a stranger what their preferred pronoun was I'd have been like indignant I'd have been like what the fuck is that

what what the fuck is a what? What the fuck is a pronoun? Is that like a person, place, or thing? How much material did you write for this one minute? It's a lot. You're killing. When you do it, it's three minutes because there's so many laughs.

When Jake did it, it was fucking 40 seconds. Cat burglars, that's my time. Yeah, cat burglar Jeremiah. Jeremiah Watkins proving that he can make anything funny, even what appears to be a manifesto. Hell yeah. Well, Jake, I'll tell you what. You know, you're a nervous guy.

This isn't made for everybody. You seem like the guy that lasts one week on the Alaskan crab fisherman boat. You know what I mean? You come on and they have to send a special second ship to come pick you up on the high seas. You're just like, sorry, I fucking... You just can't handle the fucking pressure,

it seems. This is the Alaskan crab fisherman of stand-up. Yes, Strollberg. I was going to say, give it up for Kirk Cocaine. Malcolm, what do you think about this guy? What do you think about Jake? He's cool.

I actually smoked a joint with him before. We did smoke a joint. Oh, wow. Or was it crack? It might have been. Yeah, he was cool. He was excited before it happened. Well, there you go, Jake.

I'll tell you this. It definitely takes balls, all right? I mean, even to succeed or fail, it takes a great amount of courage, obviously, in your case, liquid courage. Holy fuck. You know, we're just going to keep moving along. Okay, Jake?

There he goes. Jake. What time do we start? 10.30? Okay. What do you guys think? Go back to the bucket one more time. Huh? All right.

We're already running long, but let's fucking do this shit anyway. All right. Make some noise for Nate Malitzer. Here he comes. Coming from right down the middle. Nate Malitzer. Good evening. One more time for Nate Malitzer, everybody. Come on. My name's Nate. I'm pretty excited to beitzer, everybody. Come on. My name's Nate.

I'm pretty excited to be here, actually. It's my first time in a big crowd. If you guys don't have kids, you should be happy. I do have a kid. I actually work with kids all day. I play with them. They're pretty cool. I run a daycare.

In my daycare, I deal with a lot of shit. Literally shit and shitty kids, really. It's okay because one of them is my son. And there's one thing that he likes to do is he likes to swear. And it's not like the swearing you just ask like a little three-year-old to say the F word because you think it's cute to hear, fuck. No, it's like context swearing. So he swears in context. So there's one night where me and my wife, we're arguing a little bit. We're having a married conversation where we yell and swear at each other.

And I'm sitting next to my son, and he's listening to this conversation unfold. And the last thing he hears is, whatever, fucking Nate. That's my name. That's my wife saying it. My son looks at me. Dad.

Fucking mom. Wow. There you go. Nate Malitzer. Fuck yeah. Nate, I'm going to take a guess here. Are you a volunteer fireman? I am not.

You're not. Man, you seem like you would be. What do you do for work? I run a daycare. You run a daycareman? I am not. You seem like you would be. What do you do for work? I run a daycare. Full time? How many kids are normally there during the day? I have six total. How old are they?

Four month old to a four and a half year old. Four toddlers, two infants. Six? That's fucking crazy. It's stupid. Four toddlers, two infants was the. That's fucking crazy. It's stupid. Four toddlers, two infants was the sequel to Two Girls, One Cup. Oh, Jesus. As ice as it gets, dude. Wow. Holy shit.

Six kids. I mean, incredible. That place, your house must look like the Penn State locker room. That is, you know. Did you practice that set? Did you practice that set for the kids to put them to sleep? Oh, Brian. Look at Brian.

The Roastmaster. You just got burned. I read him a poem from Mother Goose Club. It's pretty sexy. Really? Is that true? That's kind of weird. What do you tend to do with the kids? What do you do with kids?

I literally just play of play with them all day basically. I get on the floor with them. Wait a second. I put away my white panel van and everything like that so it's okay. Are you ready to ruin your life from this interview? I'm a big Lego fan. You ever do stand-up before?

My goal was once a month all year. This is my 15th set, I guess you could call it. Oh, great. That's awesome. Thanks. Thank you. The first guy that went on, I've seen him perform in Kalamazoo a couple times. He's really funny.

Yeah, I mean, he's definitely amazing. You're talking about, of course, the one and only motherfucking Ed DeVogue. That guy, yeah, yeah. The guy with the hook them. You didn't get to a joke for over one minute, though. That's set up. You have to cut that down to like five seconds. Yeah, thank you.

It works in a set, I guess, but yeah. I try to get there. You always want to trim it down. What do you do for fun, Nate? It seems like you have a bunch of fucking kids in your house all the time. You have a wife that you don't really love. I golf a lot. I work at a golf course on the weekends.

I get free golf, so I do that a lot. You get free golf? How do you get free golf? Because I work at a golf course, and I go to my golf course and just take a cart and go around. Is there any worse waste of space than golf courses? Storage units. Good point.

Well, I'll tell you what, Nate. Normally we would spend more time with you, but we're going to end this quickly because I want to do something actually sort of special here before we go. So I'm going to end it with you. Fun times. Trim your stuff up. Stick with it. Follow your dreams. Appreciate it.

Do whatever you want. There you go. Nate Malitzer. We didn't get a lady up tonight. So what do you say we do? What do you guys say we do one more speed round until I find a... I pull a lady out of the bucket.

Alright. Let's see what happens here. Sorry to you, Brad Ross. Sorry to you, Kyle Phillips. So close, guys. Michael Malone, so close. We met him last night. Ben Glaze, it ain't happening. Michael Behrens, oh, God, so close.

Nate Duckworth, Andrew Scott Smith. I'm sure we have a woman in here somewhere. Sorry, God. So close. Nate Duckworth. Andrew Scott Smith. I'm sure we have a woman in here somewhere. Sorry, Robert. Jordan. Jordan's not a woman, right? Ramirez. That doesn't sound like a girl. Taz Wilde. Is that a girl?

What'd you say? Yeah, you gotta relax. Jesus, Joel. It's unbelievable. It's full drums back there. I have to steal the show. Oh, there's one right there. Put your hands together for your final comedian of the night and representing

females across Grand Rapids. Make some noise for Whitney Lachey! Boom! Make some noise for Whitney Lachey. Boom. That's the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life. I came here with my boyfriend, fiance, lover, baby daddy, who said, I'm gonna get up on there, and I'm gonna

say some funny shit. He listens to Brian Redband a lot. I detest that motherfucker more than you could ever understand. I don't know why you think he's funny. I don't know why. He did a periscope

once. I'm trying to find a rat. It's in my house. There's a rat in my house and I'm going to kill that motherfucker. And that was what we were supposed to listen to. So here's me. I'm Whitney. I used to be from here. I'm not from here anymore. I don't have a clue what to say I did not have any idea that I would be picked to come up here but if I had any time I would tell you about the time when I used to be married

to a straight to the bear whoa controversial does anyone have any Lysol in the audience this shit stinks up here wants Brian Redman to lick her pussy and I don't Does anyone have any Lysol in the audience? This shit stinks up here. Lysol. I think she shit herself. And I don't.

If you want to get Lisa Simpson on me right now, we can talk about it. Whitney, Whitney, stick with me over here. Just relax. I wanted to eat pizza with you. Oh, yeah, I want to eat pizza with you Oh yeah I want to eat pizza with you SpongeBob SquareAss He just called you SpongeBob SquareAss

The thing is that I'm really sweet And I'm very nice I just don't care for Brian Redband I think you and Brian Are going to titty fuck each other after tonight's show. That's what I think is going to happen. My boobs are way bigger than you'd think. She has to shave her tits first, man.

I did that three days ago. Fuck, but not my armpits because fuck you. Wow. Okay, let's slow it down. All right, we get it. You guys hate each other. Very funny. That was a few minutes ago.

All right. Whitney, let's just take a breath. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. We get it. You guys hate each other. Very funny. That was a few minutes. Whitney, let's just take a breath. Breathe in through your nose out through your mouth. Let's relax for a second. Okay. First of all, how long? All right. Is this clearly your first time ever doing this, right?

You came out with your boyfriend who's a fan of the show and he wanted to sign up and get on here and you said, I could probably fucking do it better. I don't think that's what I said. But you did sign up and get on here and you said no i could probably fucking do it better i don't think that's what i said but you did sign up it basically almost compete with him it was kind of a last minute thing and i said if i don't i can't focus because hold on it is such an honor to meet lenny kravitz is it not i bet you i bet you want to get away. You want to fly away.

We're Lenny Kravitz. Whitney, it's incredible how dark and evil your energies are. It's very impressive. You came up and the first thing you said, literally the first words out of your mouth, like you couldn't fucking help yourself. You said, this is the worst thing I've ever done.

Have you ever gone out? Oh, wow. You're getting worse. It's incredible. You already made fun of me earlier for my laugh. You try to say goodbye, but you choke. Try to walk away, but you stumble. A watermelon. It, Watermelon.

Macy Black. Tony Hinchcliffe. If the worst thing I do today is say some silly shit on a microphone at a bar that I love the most, then I guess that's the worst thing I do all day. Whitney, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. She's got marbles in her mouth from playing Hungry Hungry Hippos, right guys? What'd I do this time. Come on, that's some fan of the show's baby mama right there.

Whitney, I've been a big fan of you ever since you and your sister who were both sisters to Marge Simpson became part of my life. But me and Maggie, we can't help that.

No, you're a sweetheart. I feel like you're actually a good person. I feel like you have a good spirit. I do. How many kids do you have? Just the one. Just the one? How old's the one kid? I'm gonna say an old mom, you fuck. Oh, you have a good spirit. I do. How many kids do you have? Just the one. Just the one? How old's the one kid?

I'm a single mom, you fuck. Oh, you're a single mom? I thought you said that you had a boyfriend that brought you here. Baby daddy. She looks like Whitney Houston after she drowned. All his kids aren't my kids. Are they? I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, Whitney.

You're really making no sense. Give it up for Puff Mommy. How old's your kid? How old's the kid, Whitney? She's a year old. She's a year old. What do you do for work? I'm a stay-at-home mom.

Since they canceled Futurama. Don't even fuck with Matt Groening and me. I love that. I have an obsession. I'm guessing by the hat that you're wearing that you're going for Khabib in the big McGregor fight. I can't even be offended. I really can't.

If you're not laughing at that one, I feel bad for you people. I never get to make that joke that she's wearing. It looks like she's wearing the Khabib hat. You know what I'm talking about? You don't even understand. You know the things that Russians put on their heads? Do you ever listen to anything?

This is why you're a single mom. I do. I really do. Yeah. He's right there. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Right there.

Yeah. Yeah. Man. That poor kid's never going to have a dad. Just the one. Just the one. And she's real cute, so fuck you. I know an 18-year-old who needs a foster mom.

Were you talking about ovarian cancer? Ouch. Yikes. Pussy shit hurts, dude. You don't even know. No, no, it's good. Can I stick a claw up your urethra and dig some shit out and tell you what I know about it? Whoa, that's a crazy question.

I'm sorry. I told you. My friend told me the other day. I'm not funny. I just have a lot of weird shit to say. So I sincerely apologize for, you know. This is starting to grow. There you go.

You know what, Whitney? I'll tell you this. You know, best of luck with everything. I think that in our hearts since, you know, I think we can all show a little love to a single stay-at-home mom, huh? Right? Sure. There she goes. Whitney Lachey, ladies and gentlemen.

And that's that. We did it. That's a full, more than an episode, an hour 45 minutes of Kill Tony. Can I get any more volume? It feels so quiet. Bye-bye. I had so much fun with you guys. How about you make some noise for our guest, Malcolm Hatchet, huh?

New minute from him. How loud can this place get for the great and powerful Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez? Hey, thanks to everybody who helped me get a drum set and the founder's brewery. All right, not next to you. Fuck yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, the leader of the best damn band in the land, Cat Burglar, Jeremiah Watkins. Cat Burglar. Fuck yeah. Kill Tony Mania, coming up October 12th, Swansea, Massachusetts in a giant venue November 9th. How about you make some noise for the great and powerful Brian Redband.

Thanks, guys. Fucking cut. Grand Rapids, we had so much fun with you tonight. Thank you so much for being so special. We love you. Good night. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, a quick little word from Jeremiah Watkins, everybody.

I have. Yeah, you want to maybe say it into this one? Yeah, you want to maybe say it into this one? I've got some CDs and stickers and stuff. If anybody's interested, I'll have them at the top of the stage in mere moments. Yeah, if anybody wants to say hi or take a picture, we'll be done in just a second. Hey, everybody say what's up to my...