KILL TONY - KILL TONY #333

Episode Date: March 29, 2019

Tim Dillon, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 03/25/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv. There you can find every episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. You can click on tour dates. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the world famous comedy store, but we're all over the place. This Thursday, March 28th, we'll be in Ventura, California. And we're also coming up on St. Louis, West Nyack, New York, La Jolla, California, New York, Fort Worth, Texas, Sacramento, and San Francisco. All these dates are almost sold out.

We're adding new dates all the time. All these dates are almost sold out. We're adding new dates all the time. So your best bet is to go to DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates and get your tickets before they're gone. Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything you want, Golden Pony, including his own tour dates. So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he draws every single episode, and you can check out all

his cool artwork and his books. He has the Kill Tony book and posters. It's great. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you have the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe, and you have the

Kill Tony shirt. There's a few of them left. And hats and a bunch of stuff we got death squad mugs check it out shop squad dot tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony hey this is red band coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow, how exciting.

Make some noise, everyone. You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Monday night. You could do better than that. Make some fucking noise we're here it's happening Brian Red Band is here it's another manic Monday

the great Ryan J.E. Belt is right over there drawing tonight's episode he has the official Kill Tony poster available at RyanJEBelt.com and we just got back selling his amazing posters in beautiful Philadelphia Pennsylvania three sold out Kill Ton people got sold out.

Kill Tony's was so great for sold out stand up shows. The place was crazy. We had a custom made bucket of destiny. The friends over at Ludwig sent over another drum set for Joel Jimenez. And Jeremiah got judo throw to somebody. Yeah. Yeah. We saw the the woodland creatures, high school basketball coaches, and 80s comedians.

Oh, the 80s comedians. Oh, my God. Those characters are out of control. And we go back on the road this Thursday all the way to Ventura, California, to a place called the Hong Kong Inn. Wow. For those of you that like short drives and interesting situations, come on out to the Hong Kong Inn in Ventura. When you hear the sound of a kitty, that means your food is ready.

Screaming its last breath. No Sleep Till Brooklyn, 4-4. We're doing a Kill Tony, the first ever one in St. Louis. The Thursday after that, West Nyack, New York, there's stand-up shows connected with all of those shows and the La Jolla Comedy Store, I do stand-up for shows April 26th

and the 27th and then the 28th the whole crew comes in guns a-blazing for one Kill Tony that's already sold out and we just added a second show last week and then I do stand up in Seattle at the end of May, beginning of June. And then June 20th, we are at the Gramercy Theater in New York City. That's a big one. That is a huge, huge show going right into Skank Fest. And then

Kill Tony Mania, still scheduled. It's happening again. The return to San Francisco, October 18th and 19th. We do eight Kill Tonys in eight days that week, including two in Sacramento on the road to Kill Tony Mania, October 16th and 17th. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. So many dates.

So much stuff happening. The new Feminist Stacy t-shirt is available at JeremiahWatkins.com. It's out. It has been released. And next week's guests will be Dan Soder from the Bonfire podcast and the great, the return of Louis J. Gomez, whose special comes out that day, April 1st. Yeah, his new special. Louis J. Gomez presents Louis J. Gomez. I believe a gas digital production.

And, you know, it's not easy getting these guests always on this show, you know, at great times. Hiring is challenging. But there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That place is ZipRecruiter.com slash Kill Tony. ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards. But they don't stop there, Tony. With their powerful matching technology, ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply for your job.

As applicants come in, ZipRecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates so you never miss a great match. You know what's crazy is that ZipRecruiter is so effective that 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. Wow. Think about that. 80% of employers. Wow. So if you're looking for a good candidate for a job, don't hire your brother-in-law. He's a loser. You have something against your brother-in-law, don't you? Do you have a brother-in-law. He's a loser. You have something against your

brother-in-law, don't you? Do you have a brother-in-law? No, no, no. And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address. ZipRecruiter.com slash Kiltoni. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash K-I-L-L-T-O-N-Y. ZipRecruiter.com slash Kiltoni.

ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. Heck yeah. Tesla. I love it. I love that sound. And you know what? When you make money, it's important to invest. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos all commission-free.

While other brokerages charge up to $10 for every trade, Robinhood doesn't charge any commission fees, so you can trade stocks and keep all of your profits. Yeah, and there's no account minimum, which a lot of other places have. You don't have to put a deposit down. You needed to get started. You can start investing at any level. The simple design of Robinhood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike. View easy-to-understand charts and market data and place a trade in just four taps. In four taps, you can buy a stock from like Apple or something. Thank you. your favorite companies and get custom notifications for price movements so you never miss the right moment to invest. And Robinhood is giving listeners of Kill Tony a free stock like Apple, Ford, or

Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Sign up at ktshow.robinhood.com Free Apple stock, man. It's amazing. Get in while the getting is good. Apple TV. So you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? That's proof right there that we are a live podcast. Streaming live to our happy, happy, happy fans over at YouTube.

And fans of this show know that one of the cool things is sometimes we have, you know, the biggest celebrities with movies coming out that week. Blah, blah, blah. And sometimes we have, you know, legends of the game things is sometimes we have you know the biggest celebrities with movies coming out that week blah blah blah and sometimes we have you know legends of the game right and it's fun because we fucking love legendary comedians that are hilarious and then sometimes we have these comedians that are on the cusp of becoming world famous names right your tiffany haddish's i mean we've seen it a million times. Literally monsters. This is the return of one of those guys that I truly believe is and is always going to continue to be one of the biggest

comedians in the world. I think he's absolutely hilarious. Make some noise for the return of the great and powerful Tim Dillon, everybody. Hell yeah. Tim Dillon is going to hell. Available on Gas Digital and YouTube, DC Improv, April 4th to 6th, and Laugh Boston, May 16th to 18th.

And you are back on Kill Tony. Yeah, thank you so much. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, yeah. If I was Ron Wyden, it would be on. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, now. There you go. All right, very good.

Thank you for getting the expectations nice and low. You're like, sometimes you guys are really, as an audience, lucky to be in the room. But tonight, it's about right. Welcome back to the show. Thank you. I'm excited about this. Life is good right now.

And I just want to jump right back into back into the show you want to get the band up here let's get them up every single week the band commits to being characters we never know what they're going to be they have their own separate farther back dressing room and so let's see what they are tonight they stay in

character throughout the show and here we go it's the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. Here we go. Here we go. Oh!

Oh! Oh! What's happening here? Wow. They're the kids from Finding Neverland. Awesome. What a good theme. Who's Michael?

Are you guys kids? Is that what it is? My mom and dad said if we eat too many sweets, we'll end up looking like that guy. Hey, hey. Hey, no one fucked me as a kid. Or as an adult. All right. You guys are mean.

These are some mean kids coming in hot tonight. What? We're from every Disney sitcom. Oh, boy. Oh, I remember you guys. The Disney sitcom kids. The child stars. Yeah, I'm Skyler. Skyler,

you've been on this show before, and who do we have over there? What's this young cancer victim? Hey, Tony, I'm Tyler. I think this isn't Sprite. I think it isn't Sprite, I think it isn't Sprite. And who do we have back here? This Mexican problem child.

I'm Oscar, the non-threatening brown one. Let's say he just got transferred in from another district. And it has begun. So we're going to be meeting new comedians, or maybe it's someone's first time, or maybe it's a comedy vet just coming up here to flex for a minute. I have a bucket filled with comedians' names. And we're going to do it with the Disney stars,

Tim Dillon, the whole crew. If I pull your name out of the bucket, that means you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up, or we're sure going to bring out the angry Neverland bear. Wow. There you go. So the party shall begin right now.

This is Kill Tony live, the return of Tim Dillon and the return of the Disney stars. Excited about this. Ooh, yeah. Everybody's plugging in. All right. You guys ready to start this party or what? Anything can happen. Who knows what's going to happen tonight.

Let's start it off with the comedy stylings of Patrice DeVoe. DeVoe? DeVal? Patrice DeVoe. DeVoe? DeVal? Patrice DeVoe. Here comes Patrice. Here we go. Hey! That's how we gonna start it? One more time for Patrice, everyone. I don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to be quick, and we're going to be family while I'm up here. For those of you who don't know and can't tell, I am a trans woman. Okay, I lost some of y'all already. Let me be more specific.

I'm trans wealthy. Some of y'all still confused. It's okay. That means I identify as someone with a coin, money in the bank. I like really nice shit, sis. But I'm in the body of a broke bitch and I feel like if you believe God can screw up on gender assignment, fucking up my FICO score as well with their reason. God can screw up on gender assignment fucking up my FICO score as well with their

reason. I know I'm supposed to be a 777. A good friend of mine gonna say, Patrice, we not broke, we just in between blessings. I say, shit, that sound a lot like some shit that broke people say. I ain't heard Jeff

Bezos say he was in between blessings. He about to lose half of his net worth and he still ain't in between blessings. That's my time. I'm Patrice DeVoe. DeVoe. Patrice, where are you going? What are you doing?

My goodness, I've never had a drive-by on Kill Tony before. Tony, did I kill? Did I kill Tony? The old hit and run. The Disney kid has his hand up like he's in class. Go ahead. Yeah, did I kill? Did I kill Tony? The old hit and run. The Disney kid has his hand up like he's in class. Go ahead. Yeah, I still am unsure. Is it a boy or is it a girl?

Did you only listen to the first 10 seconds? Yeah. It's okay. Wow. Yeah, I liked it. I stopped listening after the word trans, but... No, I thought it was very funny. Good, I liked it. I did. I stopped listening after the word trans, but... No, I thought it was very funny. Good.

I love it. Yeah, it's fun. Very fun. So this is your first time on the show? Yes, at the Comedy Store altogether. Wow. This is my first time at the store, yes. How long have you been doing stand-up?

I've been doing stand-up for four years, full-time. Four years. Where at? East Coast, Virginia. I drove from Virginia to L.A. in two and a half days by myself on expired tags. So can't nobody in here steal my joint. Wow. On expired tags.

That's incredible. That's crazy. Expired tags. I'm telling. Not surprising. Anything crazy happen on your two and a half day drive? No, nothing crazy. I made it here in one piece.

Wow. I didn't book on my hashtag. Did you get hemorrhoids? I already had those. I won't blame it on the trip. I won't blame it on the trip. Did you get pulled over at all? No, not at all.

So the cops aren't racist. Did you just drive up and around Arizona and Texas? No, I came straight through like Tennessee, Arkansas, Memphis. I was watching Live PD. I didn't see it one time. That's how I move on

real stuff like that. Heck yeah. So you've been doing stand-up for years? For years, yeah. And you live in Virginia. I'm bi-coastal now, so I do a cycle of like three to six months out here. The term is trans-coastal. I'm trans. Thank you. Be respectful.

Be respectful. Yes, I'm trans-coastal. So yeah, I do three to six months out here and three to six months out there. Awesome. What do you do for a living in Virginia? Stand-up comedy. You just do stand-up completely? I just do stand-up. Wow, you do for a living in Virginia? Stand-up comedy. You just do stand-up completely? I just do stand-up. Wow, you really are broke. That's incredible.

To survive off of stand-up wages in Virginia. What part of Virginia are you in? Richmond, Rich City, 804. Right outside of D.C. Represent. Yeah, that's the DMV. Huh. So you just do stand-up. What was the last job you had?

I was a massage therapist for about 13 years. That's right. And as you can see, I don't have nails, so I was like a real massage therapist, not one of those massage therapists. Right. You don't have a tie to Mexicans? Well, she said those.

I didn't. All right. You don't have nails. Enough. You don't have nails, but you do have a New England Patriots Super Bowl ring for some reason. All right, forget it. That was a massage therapist joke.

The window closed. I tried to force it in. No good. No good. Flag on the play. Heck yeah. Patrice, tell us more about you. Any other fun facts about Patrice that we'd be interested to know

you like Rollerblade Uphill or something like that I don't know definitely don't do that I do have a comedy mixtape out called No Laugh Tracks Volume 1 that is available for sale on CD Baby or you can download it on Tidal and all the streaming services

a black comic with a mixtape I don't believe selling them right out the trunk I got a couple and all the streaming services. Wow, a black comic with a mixtape? I don't believe it. Selling them right out the trunk. I got a couple of the download cards right here on my... Yeah. I love it. I'm going to give you one. I'm going to give you one. Giving out downloads.

That's the type of hustle I respect. I respect that. Master P with the bullshit. I like that. Heck yeah. It says ZipRecruiter.com slash kill 10. Incredible. Hey, mind the business that pays you.

That's right. Patrice, I love it. A four-year comedy vet, your first time up at the comedy store, your first time on Kill Tony, and the first person to get the party started tonight. Thanks for doing it, Patrice. Thank you so much. Great job.

I appreciate you. Here we go. All the... Is that the wrong song? Yeah, it's the wrong song, dummy. What song was that? It's called Damn It. Whoops.

All right, pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Andy Van, everyone. Andy Van. Andy Van. Here he comes. One more time for Andy Van, everybody. Hey, how you guys doing? I used to teach sex ed in high school.

This was before the Me Too movement, so rape wasn't a big deal yet. I'm just kidding. I split the room there. It's still not a big deal. Some of you guys are looking at me, oh my God, is this Asian dude going to rape us? I'm not. I would never Harvey Weinstein a girl. I don't have that kind of money. The kind of money I have is when a girl sees my bank account and she goes, oh, it turns out I'm not into Asians after all.

No, I did teach sex ed. They teach something now in sex ed called, well, they say consent is always sexy, right? Have you guys heard this? Consent is always sexy. I disagree. It's always necessary. One time, this girl whispered in my ear, Andy, you have my consent.

She could have whispered anything else and it would have been sex. She could have whispered, I voted for Trump, and that would have been sexier. At least that's a little naughty. I've never fucked a Republican before. I'm Andy Van, guys. Yeah. Andy Van, guys. Yeah. Andy Van. All right.

Aren't you adorable? Look at you. Yeah. I liked it because it was progressive. That's what I liked about it. I felt, you know, we're evolving as a people, and when I heard your jokes, I'm like, that's fucking awesome. You know what I mean? I started with a rape joke.

You started, middled, and finished with all rape. There was nothing in the set that even looked like it wasn't going to be about rape. I was like, maybe by accident he'll do a non-rape. Nope, okay. You just kept going. It was amazing. You could tell the audience was sort of like, no, stop with the rape jokes.

No, take it, you fucking stupid bitch. No means no. You raped us with rape jokes. Here's a kid that should be raped. I hate the Disney kid. I hate them. So I'm confused. Is rape good or is it bad? It depends.

Can you sing? Can you dance? That's right. That's right. Culture. Andy Van, you closed your set by saying that you've never fucked a Republican before. Have you ever fucked a Democrat or an Independent or a Green Party?

Yourself. Exclusively Green Party. Exclusively Green Party. No, I've fucked mostly Democrats. How often do you... I always ask. You always have to ask beforehand. Is that true? Why would I do that? Why would I ask someone their political leanings?

I'm trying to get laid. I'm with you. I appreciate it. I like the shirt. I appreciate it. Yeah. I mean, I'm not... I like the shirt that you're a thin guy wearing a fat guy shirt. I... Wow.

You've appropriated my culture, sir. I've lost a lot of weight. I've lost a lot of weight. You know he's big when he thinks that guy's a thin guy. Yeah. he's big when he thinks that guy's a thin guy. Little optical illusion going on.

Oh my god, I'm going to rape this kid. I wish someone raped you. Oh, Andy. Man, what's going on over here? No, in a good way. Andy, what's going on over here? No, in a good way. Andy, what's going on? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You've been on this show before, right? I have once, yeah, once before.

Yeah. And did you like it more this time or last time? I probably did not think about my set as much this time. I didn't work on it as much. How old are you, Andy? I don't really know. You look like if Bobby Lee actually aged. Yeah.

You look like what Bobby Lee should look like. But Bobby looks like how he looked 20 years ago when he started. I'm 29. Wow! Oh, shit! That's old! You look like Fabi Lee.

Fresh off the boat? Never mind. Bye. Fresh off the boat? Fabi Lee? Wow. That's not my friend. Where do you perform comedy most?

You ever been to the Hong Kong Inn in Ventura? Because we are this Thursday. I hear their cat is good. Yeah. I've never been there. I'm doing a woman's shelter next week. Can I bring you to open?

You have to do the same minute you did tonight. I can write up front. I will do any set anywhere. I'm just starting out, so I'll take any spot. How long have you been doing it for? About seven, eight months now. I appreciate that.

You're like, I'll do pro-rape material anywhere. I don't care. I don't give a shit. I'm that kind of guy. What were you doing with your time seven, eight months ago before you started stand-up? I had moved to L.A. a year ago, and I was just trying to figure out.

I write. Yeah, you're just raping. Yeah. It is an interesting thing because most of the people that I've seen do rape jokes, they usually don't look like a rapist. And you look like, you sort of have like a, I don't know. Like if Bobby Lee was an old rapist. No, no, Bobby Lee's out of it at this point.

No, you just look like a rapist rapist. You think he looks like a rapist? You don't think he looks sort of rapy? No, he. Bobby Lee's out of it at this point. No, you just look like a rapist rapist. You think he looks like a rapist? You don't think he looks sort of rapey? No, he looks adorable. Rapists aren't adorable. No, I got him. I watch a lot of Forensic Files, and I think the shirt's rapey. It's like one of those, like, hey, look over here.

Let's lay off the fuck. It's a nice shirt. You like this shirt. I like this shirt, yeah. It's fun. Do you remember where you got this shirt? I do, yeah. I like this shirt. It's fun. Do you remember where you got this shirt? I do. I get a lot of shit for it.

I got it at Marshalls. Great fucking store. You like Marshalls? I enjoy Marshalls. A person like me goes into Marshalls, I'm treated with respect. I walk down Rodeo Drive, I'm tased. Okay? There's a difference.

That shirt is like what the employees wear at In-N-Out on an Indian reservation. There he is. There's a little boy back there. There he goes. You would know, you brown guy. Andy, what do you do for fun?

What's a hobby of yours? Rape. When you're not looking through binoculars and curtains, what... I watch a lot of movies and TV. I watch a lot of stand-up. I'm in this mode right now, so I'm trying to do a lot of stand-up. How about before, in your entire life? Did you ever have any cool hobbies?

Do you ever get really good at anything? Specializing in something? Starcraft? No, no Starcraft. Have you ever been to jail? I've been arrested once. For what? I was 14.

This is fucking terrible. No, it's great. All right, all right. What was your name? So far, what you thought would be This is fucking terrible. No, it's great. What was your name? So far what you thought would be great has been terrible. So I'm excited to see what you think is going to be terrible. This is going to be really good. I was 14 and I hacked onto this computer at an internet cafe. Oh, hell yes.

14 or 15? It was my birthday. I was turning 15. Wow, 15 at an internet cafe. That's Asian. Yeah. Yeah. I was with, it was me and my white friend.

We were both doing this. And then the cops, the manager came out. And in my town, the police department was being renovated. So the cops were stationed at the mall where the cafe was. And so the actual cops came up. And then they kind of like zip tied us and then took us to the thing and then they just talked to us and called our parents what did you rape i mean what did you hack sorry jesus what did you hack i don't remember it's probably like a shooting game oh you you hacked a video game it was like we we found we found a way to log on and play games for free.

Essentially, that's what it was. Without paying. That was it? That was it. That's what you got what you call arrested for? The bad boy. You were right. This was anticlimactic.

We should have went with you. They zip-tied us, and they took us to their station. You mean zip like in the – you don't mean like – A zip line? Yeah, a zip line. I'm like, they took you to a zip. You mean zip, like, you don't mean like... A zip line? Yeah, a zip line. I'm like, they took you to a zip line? That's amazing. You're going to a police station.

Fucking privileged piece of shit. Hold on tight. They didn't have, like, handcuffs? These were, like, mall cops you got arrested by, right? They were actual, like, city police department cops, but they didn't treat us like, I mean, real criminals or anything. But they did zip tie us,

so I think that counts as an arrest. You didn't go to jail. I wasn't booked or mug shotted or anything. This is the saddest. This is the least aggressive I got arrested story I've ever heard in my entire life. What do you want me to say? I actually raped someone?

You did admit it about rape. We thought you had something good. Jokes. You're hacking into shooting games. Come on. Yeah, yeah. I went too strong on the rape jokes. I went too heavy on the rape jokes. It's alright, buddy. It's alright. We enjoyed them. I love them. You're great. Congratulations to you for getting

back on the show again and we'll see you again next time. Andy Vann. God bless. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thanks, everybody. Adorable. It is hard to follow rape jokes with a... I hacked a video game at an internet cafe. I think that was mall cops. He didn't even get arrested.

The guy's living. Thug life. Zip ties. Thug life. Zip tied at 14. Renegade. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Julio Huerta.

Julio Huerta. There he is. Wow, look at that. Wow, right next to that. There he is. Yeah. Testing. One time, my mom called the cops on me.

She thought I killed my little brother. Turns out he was just at his friend's house. Anyone here into sports? I'm a total baseball guy. I played 10 years, two years in high school. My team sucked so bad. I just got into drugs pretty much. I was good. So long to good grades and hello to girls and marijuana. The joke there is I didn't lose my virginity three years later. Have you guys noticed that most African American people are just brown and like 10 of them are black actually? One time I helped create a cult in high school, but it was nothing compared to my brother's group of friends. They were known as the Beaner Mafia. But it was nothing compared to my brother's group of friends. They were known as the Beaner Mafia.

What were they? What were your brother's group of friends? My brother's group of friends were nothing compared to my fake cult. They were called TBM, the Beaner Mafia. Okay. This has suffered from an interesting problem. You needed more rape jokes. I was like, he's going to have at least one, right?

And nothing. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Second time ever. Second time ever. That is the perfect response. That is the perfect response to that particular question. First time would have been the best response. That transition from your first joke to your second joke about your brother was just at your friend's house, and then you went right into that second joke.

Was that on purpose? Did you know that that would be funny? I thought it would be funnier if I didn't talk about going to not jail for my dumb brother. Oh, that was a continuation of that. No, I thought it would be more funny for you guys. Like, oh, that's funny. He skipped that and made it awkward for everyone.

It was naturally beautiful. It was something that on your second time doing it, I'll bet you what's funny about that is there's a weird thing. It's just a weird is there's a weird thing. It's just a weird fucking art form where if you tried that, you know, once a week for the next few years, you almost get worse at it than you were there. Like that was hard to do.

Don't ever practice. That's our advice. Just never practice. 15 seconds into your set. I was literally thinking, holy shit, this guy might be a genius that's been doing this a few years. And just this is his first time on Kill Tony. And then like 30 seconds into your set, I'm like, oh, fuck, no, no, no, no, no, no. This might be his.

But 15 seconds in, you fucking had me, dude. And that's a big deal. I thought you were doing like a thing for about 20 seconds. I was this is gonna be amazing i was hoping that that was his thing i was hoping at that point i'm like oh my god please tell me that this guy's like a timing specialist like a surgeon i was hoping i'm like i hope it leads to a thing where he says there's only 10 black people i was praying for that i'm like does this lead to that? And it did. Yeah, can you mention, can you tell us that one one more time? Yeah.

Because I want to break that down a little bit. It's my favorite one. I'm not quite sure if I totally, what we would call it, got that one. Yeah. I noticed that most black people are light skin colored. I'm like, wait, I never got that. Wait a minute, most black people are what?

Are brown. You mean light skinned. Thank you. You don't see a lot of black people. My mom's Puerto Rican. I don't really... You count Puerto Rican as black? Fuck that bitch, right?

You do. He's like, my mother's Puerto Rican. I hate that bitch, you know. Yeah, Mom, I'm with Tim Dillon. All right, thank you, miss. You need to watch a channel called National Geographic. It'll blow your mind. Why would he watch National?

Oh. Are you saying black people are on National Geographic? Yeah. Oh. Come on. You might want Disney to find this clip of you out on a podcast saying things like that. Disney sitcom stuff. No, like in different countries.

There's Africa. There's Europe. There's a lot of different people of different shades in different countries. Don't try to turn this around on me and be racist. You're the racist ones. I didn't say animal planet. I said National Geographic. Oh, no.

Oh, you really got me into a purse. Snuck them this time. And it's awesome seeing you guys again. Thank you. Being back. Julio, do you have a problem with your Puerto Rican mom? You guys get along? What happened there?

No, she's cool. She's cool? Did she raise you? Yeah. How old are you? 24 now. I was 23 last November when I came. Oh, you were here. You were on the show. Oh, yeah. I remember, fool. Yeah. How old are you? 24 now. I was 23 last November when I came. Oh, you were here. You were on the show. Oh, yeah. I remember,

fool. Yeah, I'm the Mexican dancing dude. The nervous Mexican dude. Wait, you were a year younger last year? November. What kind of witchcraft kind of santeria are you doing? You were on the show a year ago in November.

So when you say second time, you mean second time ever doing stand-up? Yep. Or second time on the show? I've only done two stand-up twice and two Kill Tonys. Wow. So you decided, hold on. Exclusive. You guys are super awesome.

You started in November, and then, let's face it, you retired. And this is your return. By the way. Kill Tony in the motherfucking house. By the way. Comedy star. He's done two sets, two main rooms, probably both sold out. By the way.

That's true. He's doing it. That's what he tells his friends. Yeah. When you describe your stand-up career, you sound like a gardener giving an estimate. I'm a gardener. Wow, the timing of that was incredible. That was weird.

Did you see what happened when you threw that punch? Can you do that again? Gardener jokes. You got to do more of that in the act. Get down there, punch. Come on, try it again. Try it again. Punch.

That's right. That's incredible. How do you do that? Do one more level. Do you practice on mom at home? Do another one across your... All right, well, there you go. I think we beat that dead horse pretty quickly.

All it takes is one off time boing. Wow. All right. All right, Julio. Well, what do you do for work? How do you survive? I'm a gardener, remember? Are you really?

Are you really a gardener? I totally get it. You guys see so many comedians. Yeah. Six days a week. Did you think I was offended for a second like that or that

you know that I thought that you'd be offended. Tony you're the fucking man bro. Thank you. My name's not Kill Tony but I'll take it.

He thinks your name is Kill Tony. Hey that fool Kill Tony's funny dog. That voto over there. Hey. What's up Kill Tony. Hey, that fool Kill Tony's funny, dog. Hey. What's up, Kill Tony? Come into the stage, Kill Tony.

You like this fool, eh? Last time you asked me how many siblings I had, I said four. But what I should have said was my dad has 14. Build the wall. What does your dad do for work? What does your dad do for a living with 14 kids? No, he has four siblings. You're a gardener.

He just goes around planting seeds, huh? There you go. What does your dad do? Gardener? He owns the company. Wow. Look at that. Working your way up. You want to own the company one day? I have an older brother.

Hopefully this gig works out. I can do both. That's right. It probably won't be lawn. Yeah. Won't be lawn at all. I think you'll have the landscaping business in no time. You know, a few years from now, it could be that soon. You got it. You get the business under control. You can come back

for your third time on Kill Tony. How about that, buddy? How about one more? Give us a punch. No, it's okay. All right, give us one more punch before you go, because we're amazed that you can make noises happen. Just go ahead, swing it.

All right, very good. There goes Julio Huerta, everybody. Come on. Heck yeah. Hey. Fun show. I like it because the comics, sometimes I'm afraid for my physical safety

Up here I don't know who's gonna It's one of the fun parts of this show There'd be less mass shootings If they had more of this show Just let people get that minute out of their system We need to kill Tony New Zealand That's what I'm saying

Shut up Shut the fuck up We need to kill Tony New Zealand. That's what I'm saying. I think we've seen it. Oh, shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You don't know anyone in New Zealand. You didn't even know it was a place. I didn't. I thought it was a fake place, and I still do. All right.

Make some noise for your next... Yep. Never mind. Make some noise for Jason Eckstein, everyone. Jason Eckstein. everyone. Jason Eckstein. Here he comes. What's up? So I'm a disabled veteran, a homeless veteran,

but it's so much easier to get out of the house when you don't have a house. I'm also colorblind. That's something I never appreciated as a kid. When you're a kid and some asshole peels all the paper off a crayon, you can always ask one of you normies what color it is. But as an adult, this came back to bite me.

Do you guys know how hard it is to tell if you're shit and blood when you can't tell the difference in the colors? I had to send photos to bite me. Do you guys know how hard it is to tell if you're shit and blood when you can't tell the difference in the colors? I had to send photos to my mother. That's it. I'm done. Thanks, guys. You're only halfway through. You don't have anything else?

20 seconds. No thoughts? No half thoughts? You still have 17 seconds. It was good. I can only do the shit I did last time. It's in my head right now. You can. Do it.

I don't want to tell jokes again. Fuck. You only told one joke. It's only been 30 seconds. It's been no... We haven't seen you since November. It was January, but yeah. No, I'm kidding.

I don't really know. He said it was January. Talking about the last guy. It doesn't matter, Jason. Good. There you go. Thank you for your service. Yeah. Well, There you go. Thank you for your service. Yeah.

Well, there you go. What war were you in? I was in the Coast Guard. I was in Katrina. You were in Hurricane Katrina? Wow. I was like, what war were you in? And he's like, you know, a natural disaster.

That's above Eagle Scout, right? Yeah. I handed someone a croissant at a FEMA tent in New Orleans. I'm a homeless veteran. You should be fucking homeless for describing yourself as a veteran. Jesus Christ. Eating beignets on a raft. You fucking... Alright.

Anyway. God bless you. Thanks for doing the work. It must not have been that bad being in Hurricane Katrina while you're colorblind, right? I mean, did all the black people look white? Okie dokie. On to the next one.

He started to help them until he got the color blindness fix He's like oh we can just leave this place That was a joke about cultural something I was just gonna say As you look you probably shouldn't do a joke about colors Oh boy That really bit the dust on that one. Oh, wow.

So, Jason, you're a homeless disabled veteran. So, basically, what does a day look like in the life of Jason Eckstein? Well, this month I've just been doing comedy just to grind it out. I only started in October. So, six months of trying my hand at it. And I wreck started in October. So six months of trying my hand at it and I wrecked my car and so I came back with a rucksack because you can't wreck that shit. Remember that?

And yeah. So I paid out for a hostel this month so I could do a bunch of mics and just get my courage up so I don't fall apart like I still do. But you know, lots of work to do. I'm gonna go forage mushrooms next month.

Mr. Hinchcliffe, I don't think my mom would like this show very much. Why? A couple of meanies over there. Alright. I'll say what Michael Jackson said to your mother. Shut up and enjoy the fucking guest room.

A he-he. Joke about the rape of children. Thank you. So, Jason, where do you sleep? This month in the hostel. I've roughed it some nights. It just depends. When you say you roughed it, what does that mean? I've roughed it some nights it just depends when you say you roughed it what does that mean

I've slept on the beach I've slept in a box once you put like a blanket down or something I like you said you slept in a box to experience that exactly I like the way you said that you were like I wanted to have an experience so I said let's sleep in a box

do you ever while you were sleeping by the ocean at all Do you ever have any Katrina flashbacks Should I have said I guarded Guantanamo Bay too You were guarding Guantanamo Bay Oh so you also tortured brown people Yeah come on That's not what I did

The Coast Guard guarded the Navy It's Myrtle Beach. Because the Navy sucks at security. Okay, well, I thought you were doing the right thing, but apparently you were a cuck in that situation, too. You're fucking hanging out with seals. I've done that. Not Navy SEAL, I meant...

Anyway, we're on course. You look like every supervillain in every kung fu movie. Do you know any kung fu? No. What's your disabled? Mentally? It'll be so sad. I'm hoping that you screw off your leg right now.

I originally bulged a couple discs and had sciatica issues after a boating accident. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Brian. Now is not the time for the Star Spangled Banner. You had a boating accident? When I was in.

Yeah. What kind of boating accident? Canoe? No. It was just normal mission. I was in an anti-terrorism unit out in New Orleans. So we did a lot of security. Are there a lot of terrorists in New Orleans? No, it was all

fucking high-speed bullshit after 9-11 that's fucking gone now and defunct. What do you mean? What's one of the missions that you did? Give us an example. We guarded Dana Beach, Florida with a bunch of them. Thank God. For the Organization of American States to come in.

Thank God nobody got in there and killed those fucking very valuable human beings. Yeah, it's bullshit. How would we have made it? Yeah. You ever come face to face with a... Terrorist? With a crocodile? Down there in...

Why did you leave the military? Because I fucked my backup and I couldn't do my mechanic work anymore. And they were like, you can sit behind a desk all day and do nothing or you can get out. So you chose box. No. As opposed to sitting at a desk all day.

No. I was a mechanic. I did IT work. I built hovercraft. I run sand sea machines. I've done a bunch of shit. You founded the Church of Satan. Fuck yeah.

What are some hobbies of yours to pass the time? What's like, what are some things to get you through? Some of the positive things in life. Well, like as I changed my diet to get off the meds and shit over the last seven years,

I started foraging mushrooms and getting out hiking. Everybody thinks psychedelics when I say that. No, edible and medicinal mushrooms as well. Like I'm certified back in the Midwest. Oh, the boring kind. Yeah, exactly. When you say medicinal mushrooms, aren't

those the mushrooms mushrooms? Well, they're not legally that yet. It's only in phase three clinical trial. I feel like I'm on your mushrooms right now. Probably. I just caught a dose of it. I'm tired as fuck. I thought the jokes were funny.

I thought they were good, man. I just wanted a few more of them, but I thought they were good. You're talking about real shit. You got real shit to talk about. Yeah, you only did 35 seconds. We call that a dishonorable discharge here. Yeah. I have more. It's just, yeah, trying to

grab, because my other bit's like two and a half minutes long or whatever normally, so I don't want to do that. And I've been, I challenged myself this month to do 100 mics. The last two weeks, I've done 30 mics each week. You couldn't do 60 seconds? You gotta do something called the apartment challenge.

And it's called the rent-a-room challenge where you get a room, no, this is good, and you live in that room and then you do like less open mics but you have a ceiling. You don't like that. Yeah, that's too mainstream. Fair enough.

You can spend a night in my treehouse, but no girls allowed. There you go. There's some options for you, and there you go. 35 seconds from Jason Eckstein, everybody. There he goes. He's on Twitter at Jason Eckstein. Julio is at Almighty Truth.

Andy Van is on Instagram at Andy Van, Andy Van. Hell yeah. Keeping this fun train moving along. You guys having fun out there? Wow. Do you guys ever think about joining the Coast Guard back in the day? I was like, I might do it.

And then 9-11 happened. I'm like, I'm so glad I didn't do this. But that used to be a thing back then. Instead of going to college, do the Coast Guard. No, for a little while in high school, I wanted to be a state trooper for a hot second. Because in Ohio, they give you like this, they give you like four options of what you could do for a living. And that's like one of them.

They don't tell you that you could fucking get the fuck out of it. I just love that I felt so bad for him when he was like, I'm a homeless and a veteran, and then he's like, I just want to do 100 open mics, and I'm like, oh, fuck these people. Yeah. Like they should get no budget. The military budget should be completely taken away. Oh, you did 100.

All right, well, now I think your life plan makes sense. Get down and give me 100 more. Is that how they yell at the National Guard? I feel like the National Guard is like, if you want to, do 100 push-ups. Do it. Do it if you can. Yeah.

You guys are in the mood. If not, just do what you fucking do. Wait around like firemen. We'll be over here capturing turtles for fun. All right. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Rafiq Barakat. Rafiq Barakat.

Come on. Where's Rafiq? Wow. Alright. Alright. No Rafiq Barakat. Blacklisted Wow, blacklisted

Where's David Deary at? Blacklist him David, are you within earshot? I'm fucking believable Unreal I said to him right before the show Now that everything is set up and perfect There's no way you won't be within earshot if I call for you.

He's like, yeah, no, I'll be all right. Dude, I'm ready, dude. I'm right here. There you go. Okay. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Damn Aid, everyone. Damn Aid.

Damn Aid. There you go. All right, all right, all right, all right. Blacklist. Jeremiah, Jeremiah. Okay. Mix and Waste for Bernie Mann, everyone. Here he comes.

Yeah. Single people, make some noise. Anybody? Yeah. California has the lowest birth rate in over 100 years. Yeah. We did it. I'm doing my part. I'm single. I think it's because I love the Lord of the Rings like too much. Like I went all the way to New Zealand just to visit the set of the Lord of the Rings. Hobbiton.

It's interesting to note that if you look through the window of Bilbo's Hobbit hole, you can see exactly what it looks like to never have a girlfriend. Just infinite loneliness as far as the eye can see. I do love the Lord of the Rings. I was seeing this lady who was taller than me, and she said, look, it's either me or the Lord of the Rings. And I said, look, you shall not pass. I told those jokes to my dad. He said, good job.

You sound like Gandalf the gay. All right, that's it. Thanks. There you go. Bernie Mann, perhaps one of the funniest proud boys we've ever had on this show. Appreciate that. It's history.

That's great. Yeah. I don't know that reference. I'm not on social. I know. If you did, you wouldn't look like that. You look like your – let me put it to you this way. You look like your parents paid a lot of money to get you through USC.

Oh, Proud Boys. Oh, the – It's okay. Yes, I do know the Proud Boys. Yes. You look like you're both there to watch and coach an old-timey college football game. Yes. Yeah, I look like every college basketball coach.

You look like a shuffleboard coach. Yeah. Bernie, have you been on this show before? Yes, I did this show. I have to apologize for that. That was like the first week I did comedy. I accept your apology. When was that?

That was in December of 2017. Weird, is that we've had November, December, and January? Yeah, but very grateful to be back here. Were you two years younger back then? Yeah, what's happening right now? It was. Something very Forrest Gump-y going on about you. I can't figure out what it is.

Dang. Why are you dressed like that? Yeah, is this your job? I just like to dress up for open mics It's kind of like my thing Why the hat? What's up with the hat? It doesn't go with it

I'm representing Santa Monica From the neck up, you're Dave Attell From the neck down, you're his agent Yeah Doesn't make sense Have you ever thought about going to 4hims.com? Please tell me you also live in a box. No, I don't live in a box,

but I would like to experience that one day. Yeah, you will. Thank you, sir. Don't worry about it, buddy. I do sleep in one. You keep doing what you're doing. Appreciate it. Well, all right, that got mean.

I guess this is Kill Tony. That's kind of the thing. I thought the jokes were funny. Thank you. I appreciate that. Are you related to Matt Dillon? Yeah, Matt Dillon is my father. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Bernie, do you have any more fucking questions for the guests? Anyway, Bernie, so remind us, what do you do for work? There's something very Better Call Saul about you. I don't know. I'm interested to find out. I don't really work right now. I'm studying for the CPA exam. I'm taking time off as an accountant. You're taking time off, but

you don't work. No, no, no. I'm taking time off. I'm studying for the CPA exam. It's a certified public accounting exam. I know what it is. I don't know if you've heard of this elite thing called CPA, which literally people get when they get in prison. I didn't mean to sound elitist. I just don't like to say it.

I think we should be friends. We would hang out, man. We look like we would hang out in an off-track bedding together. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We'd be cool. We look like wherever would hang out in an off-track bedding together. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. We'd be cool. We look like wherever we would go, the business wouldn't want us to be representative of their clientele. Well, you know. Even a Panera, they'd be like, let's move it along, guys.

You've had your sandwich. Now it's time to go. We look like we fight about politics. That's true. That's what we look like. We fight about politics. And you probably win every argument. Well, I just start biting you. That's true. That's what we look like. We fight about politics. And you probably win every argument. Well, I just start biting you.

That's why I win. Can I just make an observation? Bernie, no you can't. You've already asked the question. You were supposed to make those observations during your session. Yes, yes. Yeah. So, Bernie, you're studying to be a student.

How old are you? I just turned 36. You've got so much time. Last week. Heck yeah. You look so much better time. Last week. Heck, yeah. You look so much better than the 29-year-old Asian guy that was up here earlier. It's incredible. So there's something positive to take with you.

Oh, thank you. I didn't see him, so I don't know if that's a joke or not. So what have you been doing your entire life? Well, I recently, well, over the past five years, I lost 150 pounds. Good for you. Whoa. Look at that. So I was just pounds. Good for you. Whoa. Good for you. So I was just eating fat and alone with a really great group of friends.

Yeah, it just helped. That's heavy. Wow. A band of friends. Was it a lap band of friends? No, no, no. It was all natural. Yeah.

I got the loose skin and everything. Oh, you do? Will you show it to us? Let's see it. Yeah. Can we see some of your loose skin? Would you mind showing it to us Sure yeah

Hey look at this Hey we got loose skin Danny you got something for us Wait what are you doing Oh you're going to play fat music This is going to be something Wow Yeah

Who's excited to see his extra skin? This is incredible. This is the first time. Wow. Wow. Holy fucking shit. For those of you listening to the podcast, it looks like he's wearing a body prosthetic.

Wow. It looks like E.T. Yeah. I think you should do like Bert Kreischer and never perform with his shirt on. Ever. You should always come out and take it off. I'm willing to do that. If I get a book spot, I would do that.

That is fucking incredible. So that's where you keep all your extra material. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Look at this. That's what it looks like. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Look at this. That's what it looks like. Can you see? Wow.

Look at that. That is incredible. All right. I mean, truly, that's like, wow. It makes it awkward. Oh, my gosh. If you're fat, stay that way. Yeah, that's what we've all learned here tonight.

Let's be honest. Pretty much. It is what it is. Just stay fat and die. So what's the plan? Does that eventually go down or something? No, it's been like two and a half years. Are you going to get surgery?

I don't think so. Can you sell that to other people? I've never seen anybody who needs to get his body circumcised before. Can you use that to masturbate somehow? I don't know. Let's check in with the sitcom star over here. Yeah, if I touch the inside of his belly button, does that mean I get to first base?

Oh, no. I'm the only guy with a six-pack and a keg. Oh, you son of a bitch. Don't ever say that out loud again. Can I say something? Yeah. I just think it's cool that you went with the game and you fucking went for it.

I appreciate it. For all you people that... Listen to this emotional teenager back there. I mean, for everybody that does bad on the show, it's like, learn from this. You gotta just go with the interview. You gotta do your thing. So when you were bigger,

were you eating bad? Do you exercise still to this day? Are you on a diet now? No, I just eat tofu all day. So you have a loose diet. Six pounds of tofu, yeah. Really? Is that true?

Yeah. You eat six pounds of tofu a day? Every day, yeah. So that's all. If you want to have a body like that, that goes to show you just eat six pounds of tofu every day. I feel like if a skinny, muscular person to eat six pounds of tofu every day. I feel like if a skinny, muscular person started eating six pounds of tofu every day, they'd look like that in three years.

Pretty much. I would like to gain some weight now and get stronger. Don't do that anymore. Do that again. Do that again. Oh my god. I can't tell whether it's hilarious or the grossest thing.

It's awesome that he lost the weight, but I think he really should get some surgery now. I think instead of wearing a suit and tie, I think you should, like how they do that body paint, just paint a suit and tie over that. Yeah. And just have people get really close, and they realize, holy fucking shit.

Yeah. All right. Well, good for you, man. You lost some weight. Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank shit. Yeah. Well, good for you, man. You lost some weight. Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. You could do it too, anybody. You could do it too, but you shouldn't. Talk to me after the show.

Talk to me at the end of the show. Call him. That's a good idea. Skyler. Yeah. Have you ever seen the movie Ghost? Yeah. I want to ask him if he's ever had a woman stand behind him with his belly button, extra skin, and shape

it. Has anyone ever put you on a spinny pottery thing before? Can you look forward and I'll show you? Yeah, look forward. What are you going to do here? I don't know about this. This feels right.

This feels right. This feels right. Shaping the extra material. Jeremiah Watkins. That feels right. Talk about rolling with it. Jeremiah is showing us exactly how kids get work

in Hollywood today. Yes. That's the audition process. You gotta want it. Well, beautiful. Bernie, I mean,

you know. I appreciate it. It doesn't seem like if he was to, like, jog or run, it would make a fart sound or something like that, like a skin?

It makes dating really tough. Why? It just does. Why? Having sex, this is what it looks like. You can tuck it into her like a magician's handkerchief. I think you should just be on bottom. Somebody just went, ugh.

I think you should just be on bottom. I don't think you should hover over anyone like that. I do look normal if I do this. Like if I do this. Dude, you're a fetish. Look at that. You're a normal guy. Yeah, look at that.

You should always just do that. Always fuck like that. Always fuck like that. You could go to the beach like that. People would be like, damn, that guy's ripped. That guy's fucking hot. Who's that hot dude walking with his arms up? And then it's just, oh, darn.

Every hot picture of him is him on a roller coaster. He's like, yeah. The person behind him is knocked out. You should go stand in front of used car lots and just. That's what I should do. All right. There he goes, everybody's what I should do. All right. There he goes, everybody. Bernie man, everyone.

God bless. It's Dave Deary in the room. There he is. There he is. What do you want? I want a drink. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, I guess there you go. You want a drink? Nope.

Alright. There you go, David. Red Band wants a drink. On to the next one. You guys ready for this? I told you anything could happen. We just had a guy have his stomach shaped into pottery. That was amazing. Make some noise for your next comedian.

He goes by the name of Gene Harding. Gene Harding. Lucky back corner. Here we go. Here comes Gene Harding. I'm very happy to be here doing comedy right now. I had other things I wanted to do before comedy. I wanted to be the first black man to win a NASCAR race.

Then I thought about it. I'll probably be the first driver ever to get pulled over during a race. Can you imagine that shit, though? Can you imagine? Like, yo, I'm about to make history. The announcer's excited. He's like, ladies and gentlemen, the first African-American gene. Bloop, bloop.

Wait, what the fuck just happened? And I'm sitting in the car, right, with my helmet on. Cop comes over like, do you know how fast you were going, sir? Yeah, the fucking fastest. You fucked that up. I wanted to be an athlete too as a kid, but I realized athletes always got smacked on the ass. I was nine years old playing Little League baseball. I hit my first home run. I started rounding my bases. First base coach slapped me on my ass, said, good job, Gene. I started crying. Because I thought if they slapping asses at first bass,

what the fuck they gonna do to me at third bass? That's my time. Hell yeah. Gene Harding. Yo, this shit is nerve-wracking. Fucking awesome. This shit is nerve-wracking.

Awesome. You did it. Thanks. You killed it. How long have you been doing stand-up? A couple of years. No, about four or five years. Okay. Paid.

Paid? Yeah, I've been doing it for a while, but I don't count those first few years. Oh, okay. Sure. Fuck yeah. All right. There you go. Virginia?

No, no, no. Not all black people are from Virginia. Fuck yeah. All right. There you go. Virginia? No, no, no. Not all black people are from Virginia. North Carolina. Oh, North Carolina? No, I'm from New York City, but I live in Fort Lauderdale. Oh, Florida. Yeah. How long have you been in Fort Lauderdale?

About 10 years. How did you end up going from New York City to Fort Lauderdale? It was a comedy. That's where the tits are. That's where one tit was. Oh. Cancer girl? I meant one pit.

Nah, she wasn't sick. My ex. Oh, your ex had to move there for work? Huh? I'm still trying to figure out how you get white. You fell in love with a woman with one breast. Yeah, she had breast cancer. Well, she only let me touch one breast.

She had two. But, no, I got married and she. Well, she only let me touch one breast. She had two. But, no, I got married, and she lived in Florida. She let you touch one? Wow. Yeah, that's why we got divorced. Yo, listen, when you guys get up here, it's way different than watching it out there. God damn. Yeah, it's different.

One second you're watching a show, the next you have a mic in your hand, and you're performing in a room. And I'm watching Flab. I'm watching all kinds of shit. It's crazy up here. Tell us more about you, Gene. What's a fun fact about you? The last guy had a human body attached to his... Do you also have a skin pocket?

Mine is different. pocket? Mine is different. Okay. I got a what's something different about me or strange about me? I think I am the last straight flight attendant left. You're a flight attendant?

I just asked you. Really? You're a real flight attendant? I am. Get the fuck out of here. If you started giving the announcements, I would be like, this guy is hijacking the plane. That is not a flight attendant. What airline? Jet Black?

Nah, I'm not. Nice. Tony. Tony, my mind's. Just let these fucking racist jokes keep coming, huh? My mind's blown. I didn't know. Which one?

Spirit? Nah, I'm not telling. Spirit? I still work there. Shit. It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. We don't want to get you injured.

Spiritual. Have you ever been on a flight where something happened, like something serious? Yeah, yeah. I was in the back of the plane, and this passenger came up to me. He was frantic because this lady next to him was pissing in the seat. So spirit. You just outed yourself. She was peeing her pants, or she pulled down her pants and was peeing directly on the seat? No, no, no. So spirit. You just outed yourself.

She was peeing her pants or she pulled down her pants and was peeing directly on the seat? No, no, no. So she was sitting. What happened when he came to tell me that, you know, I was the only straight guy on the flight. I was the only one that was eager to see this shit. So I went and I went to go watch. Right. And the lady was sitting there fucked up and she just pulled her panties to the side

and was pissing in the bath bag. And I just stayed and I let her finish. Are you telling me that somebody went up to the gay flight attendants and was like, someone's pissing in the seat

and they were like, whatever. Well, the thing was the guy that told was probably gay too. That's why he was uninterested. I never would have left. Wow.

Wait. I was just, I was happy. You never see that. Like, when are you going to see that? Did you tell her to stop, or did you just kind of say world star? No, no, no. Let's see. Nah.

Did you just, how did you, what's the protocol on your hairline for that type of? I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what to tell her, but I was a gentleman. I let her finish. Now, you said you were sitting in the back of the plane. Do they make you sit there? That's good. That's good.

Wow, you're in big trouble, mister. Wow. I'm glad y'all can't see me blushing. How long have you been a flight attendant for? About 18 years. Wow. That's incredible. That's great, man.

You know, Tony wants to be a pilot, and he's going to learn how to fly a plane. And he's really interested in anything about airplanes. Wow. Thanks, Red Band. No, it's cool. You are, though. I mean, how to fly a plane, and he's really interested in anything about airplanes. Wow, thanks, Red Band. No, it's cool. You are, though. I mean, you can land a plane. Ha-ha, nerd. It's unbelievable.

Are you serious, though? Out of nowhere. You really do? What? You really want to be a pilot? I don't know why he would say that. I don't want to be. Not like professionally.

You don't want to do that. Yeah, definitely not professionally. I'm one of the top young rising stand-up comedians in the world. That's why saying that Tony wants to be a pilot, especially on a live podcast. Sorry for outing you. What's the most fucked up thing you've seen a pilot do? Most fucked up thing you've seen a pilot do. Most fucked up thing I've seen a pilot do.

A lady got on a plane one day, joking around. She was just having fun. She was like, I hope you're not drunk. And the pilot said, oh, you think this is a game? And went and called for somebody to come drug test him and delayed the flight for like five hours.

What kind of fucking loser? That's what I'm saying. And that's what he wants to be. But let me ask you this. No, I don't want to be that by the way it's just unbelievable I don't want to be a professional pilot again it wouldn't make any fucking sense I have a whole tour schedule

I don't want to be a professional pilot what I want to do is eventually have an airplane and fucking fly it my own little airplane like a fucking baller I don't want to do is eventually have an airplane and fucking fly it. Right. My own little airplane. Like a fucking baller. I don't want to be a professional pilot. So stop saying that I want to do that. And you never say it again, you fucking morons.

It's a whole different thing. I said pilot. I said pilot. No, you said Tony wants to. No. I did. We're not going to argue about it now. Now we're going deeper.

I didn't even know there was a difference. I would like to piss in an airport in a C2. Yeah, I would like to piss on a plane. I could never get away with that shit. No, I wouldn't either, but I'll do it. I can't wait. So, Gene, what's it like being a broke-ass Wayne Brady? Changing the subject from piloting a plane.

Really, I didn't want to do that to you. So, Gene, when did you find out that Tony wanted to become a pilot? There you go. There it is. There it is. You did it again. Jeremiah, you wacky motherfucker.

Oh man, you let a little insight into what gets under your skin and that makes me feel good. Yeah, that's great. I love it. It's hilarious. Every time. It's great. I love it. I love it.

Really doesn't make any sense. It's the show. Not really my skin. It's not about that. The more we talk about it, the deeper it gets. I love it. It's off the subject of the guest. which seems to be a regular misunderstanding with you. The only disclaimer, like I said, I am the last straight one. Well, not when I become a pilot, my friend.

Exactly. That's what I'm trying to get at. There you go. I have to knock down the stupid improv ball. There you go. Gene Harding, everybody. Thank you, man. I appreciate you guys. There you go. Great Harding, everybody. Thank you, man. I appreciate you guys.

Thanks, guys. Out of control. This fucking guy. How many of you think I want to be a professional pilot? Thank you. I would like to announce my retirement from comedy today. There will be no episode of Kill Tony next week. I'll be training at a fucking pilot company.

These guys make like $40,000 a year. That's it. I said pilot, man. I'm hanging up the bucket. Okay. You said it to a guy that works in the airline business. What? Doesn't matter.

Put your hands together for Carolyn Portner, everyone. Carolyn fucking Portner. We're talking about working. Carolyn Portner. Oh, wow. Here she comes. Here we go. Come on, guys. Good and comes. Here we go. Come on, guys.

Good and loud for Carolyn Portner. Hey, guys. How's it going? All right. A little about me. I grew up with a bone disorder where I had tumors all over my body. I was adorable, you guys. I was adorable.

If you couldn't think of the song by Fergie, My Humps, you know? My humps, my humps, my lovely benign tumor bumps. That was me. One of the perks of my bone disorder is I have two titanium hips, just kind of keeping shit in lock, you know? I'm a cyborg, you know? And one of the perks is that, like, I'll get a little tickling feeling when the weather is changing. I just wish it was something a little more valuable to me, though, you know?

I want it to be something where if my hips tickle, it's anticipating stocks changing, you know? Get a little hip tickle and be like, ooh, the Dow is up, you know? I'd have all these investment bankers coming at me. It'd be my goddamn dream, you know? And that, you know, my hips are is up, you know? I'd have all these investment bankers coming at me and be my goddamn dream, you know? And then, you know, my hips are never wrong, you know? So they'd be like, damn, girl, your hips don't lie. Thanks, guys. Hell yeah. Carolyn Portner.

Awesome. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Eight months. Eight months. Yeah, I'm pretty new. That's cool. Yeah. Welcome pretty new. That's cool. Yeah. Welcome, welcome.

That's fun. And you're talking about something that's affected you your whole life. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. How many, like, you've had to have a lot of operations? Yeah, I've had three operations, yeah. Interesting.

Was it painful? Oh, yeah. It was pretty it painful? Oh, yeah. It was pretty painful. When was the most recent operation? The most recent one was when I was 18, and it was when I got my two titanium hips. Wow. Those are better than regular hips, right?

So much better. No, they are. When you go through an airport, do they just shoot you? How does it, like, do they even let you go through security or do they just maul you? I actually know a lot about getting through airports because I want to be a professional pilot. I forgot.

You get a special pass. You get to walk around the machine. But I've built so much muscle that it just doesn't... Then again, you're so tiny, they could probably put you in one of the plastic bins and just roll you right through. Keep your shoes on. I like that you're talking about real shit yeah that's my goal i'm gonna try and break through it a little bit more yeah what else uh in your act do you talk about like what type of subjects or is that pretty much

or no i am oh are there any is there any deformed bones deformed bones okay no bones No I talk a lot I defaulted on my student loans So I talk a lot about the bullshit I'm dealing with With that What do you mean the bullshit Well I had to move out of my apartment Like last minute I owe the people like 120 grand

Like you know I'm a comic What the fuck You just described a felony She's like you know I stabbed a bitch in her, I'm a comic. What the fuck? Yeah. Well, you just described a felony. She's like, you know, I stabbed a bitch in her throat. I'm a comic. You know, I'm fucking funny. I just I have tumors.

I don't have to pay anyone money. I got I got bumps on my body. Why do I have to? I'm kidding. Listen, I owe I owe shit, too. I owe fucking Wells Fargo 800 grand. Who gives a fuck? I don't care. Fuck it. I probably have tumors. I owe fucking Wells Fargo 800 grand. Who gives a fuck? Bitch, I don't care.

Fuck it. I probably have tumors. I don't know. I can't afford to check. Who knows? Who cares? You know? Wow. That's amazing. Were you born that way? Born that way. It was sort of just like was it like

noticeable? Yeah, it was pretty noticeable They were like the size of tennis balls Or the size of a ping pong ball Did your parents ever think about killing you when you were young? Oh fuck off You would have killed her If you had her Little bumpy baby come out

You wouldn't have fucking threw it away Nine months And you get a garbage falcon? I'm kidding. You look great. Thanks for coming. Not that it matters. God bless you.

You have a boyfriend? No, I'm super single. When you say super single, does that mean, like, what are we talking about? Titanium hip single. Titanium hip single. I was a little delayed in the dating area, so I actually didn't lose my virginity until I was 26. Hey, neither did Red.

And it was to a doctor performing an operation. That makes no sense in my timeline. It makes no sense, yeah. Does your MacBook Pro charger always stick to your leg? No, that would help me out. No, it does not. I wish, yeah. Wow.

That's incredible. What do you do for work? I'm a writer's assistant on a TV show, so I just work in TVs as an assistant. That's hip. Oh, cool. Cool, which show? Which show? Which show?

What show? Bones? Hmm? Bones? Oh, God. Fucking dream. No, I'm on The Conners. Oh, that fucking thing with A.

Oh, wow. Look at you. They got a fucking... Are you related to Roseanne? Good God, probably. Yeah, The Conners suck, and they should have brought Roseanne? Good God, probably. The Connors suck, and they should have brought Roseanne back. It's not your fault. Roseanne should not have lost her job.

You did work when it was Roseanne? That's right. Oh, it was my first day and my last day. Wow, is that true? You should have quit in protest. When they kicked Roseanne out, you should have left with her. Did you get to meet her?, you should have left with her. Did you get to meet her? You'd still be living with her.

She'd be petting your tumors and smoking Marlboro Reds. I'm talking about 9-11. You'd have a much better life. That would be a better life. It really would. Yeah, you're right. My life sucks. Well, that's cool.

You're from L.A.? No, I'm from Chicago, actually. Oh. Yeah, oh, there you go. Born and raised in Chicago? No, I moved from Chicago, actually. Oh. Yeah, oh, there you go. Born and raised in Chicago? No, I moved around a lot. Like, I lived in, my dad worked for the DEA, so we traveled around a lot. Your dad's a narc?

My dad's a narc, yeah. Nobody knows about people taking little bumps more than him. Woo! Wow. So you were born in the land of Oz, moved to Chicago. How long have you been in L.A.? Like four and a half years. Wow. Very cool.

Yeah. That's fucking incredible. And you're all healthy now? You're fine? Everything's good? Yeah, I got like a couple left and I'll always have like some things I'll deal with. But for now, I'm doing all right, yeah. Awesome. Do they have any – you said that you're super single. Do they have any special dating apps for like people that used to have a lot of tumors or anything like that?

They definitely should. Yeah. But then again, then it would be a bunch more bumpy babies. Do we really need that? No, we don't. Is it genetic? Does it carry on? Is there a chance you may one day have bumpy babies. Do we really need that? No, we don't. Is it genetic? Does it carry on? Is there a chance you may one day have bumpy babies? There is a big

50% chance I'll have bumpy babies. Have you ever thought of pitching a reality show called Bumpy Bitch or something? Where you just go, shut the fuck up. I'm telling her how to make it and live in this business. It's a tough business.

I was going to flabby guy, same advice. You ever thought of that? Yeah, in other ways, but yeah, definitely. God bless. Yeah. Bumpy Bitch is like a rap name. You're like Bumpy Bitch, Bad Baby, and Cardi B. I really want to be a rapper.

Bumpy Bitch and Bad Baby. Yeah, being a rapper would be great. I'd like to be a little dicky of Bumpy Bitch, Bad Baby, and Cardi B. I really want to be a rapper. Bumpy Bitch and Bad Baby. Yeah, being a rapper would be great. I'd like to be a little Dicky of Bumpy Bones. Heck yeah. Dicky. That'd be great. Lil Tumor. Lil Tumor.

Lil Tumor. Shit. I knew a cholo named Lil Tumor, and I don't appreciate that. Yeah. I'm Lil Tumor, fool. All right, well, there you go. Yeah. We did it again. That's your first time on the show, right. Well, there you go. Yeah. We did it again.

That's your first time on the show, right? Yeah. First time here. Yeah. Yep. There you go. She's been at Mike's. There she goes.

Thanks so much. You met her here. Carolyn Kortner, her first time on Kill Tony. I hope she fucks the guy with the loose skin. That would be a match made in heaven. Oh, that would be perfect. Film it and send it in. Two people that used to be filled with extra mass find each other.

Just bumping and grinding and bumping more. It's called Extra Skin. Starring Carolyn Portner and Bernie Mann. That's right. Bernie's phone is still up here, by the way. Is that true? Yep. Wow, it's probably going to explode any second.

I love that he just doesn't miss it. Is that his phone? Is that really his phone? Wow, did he pull it out of his belly button? Oh, there it is. Oh, Bernie. Bernie's getting his phone. All right.

There you go, buddy. One more time for Bernie Mann. Give it up for Bernie, everybody. There you go, buddy. One more time for Bernie. Give it up for Bernie, everybody. You know, on this show, we actually have a regular who writes and performs a brand new minute

every single week. He's unbelievable. We love him. And enjoy the comedy stylings of the great and powerful William Montgomery, everybody. Here we go. I'm crazy for you. Here we go. I'm crazy for you.

Here he comes. Y'all didn't hate me last week when I was at the zoo. So the rumors are true. I was the actor in the movie Problem Child of the early 90s. I've also been killing people down in Mexico. I prefer a chainsaw. Just a very intimate way to just chop someone's arm off.

Let's give it up for Speedo Goggles, y'all. So this is the movie critic who compares every movie he sees to the movie Edward Scissorhands when he's watching the movie Jaws for the first time. hands when he's watching the movie Jaws for the first time. Hold on. Who the fuck has the scissor hands? All I see is a shark. William Montgomery.

I don't know how you manage every week to look like both a child and a stepdad at the same time, but somehow you pull it off. You're just a bundle of likability. Is this your first time seeing William Montgomery, Tim Dillon? No, I saw him last time. He was great. I'm a big fan. I love it. I love...

Was it last time when you did the World War II analogy with the squirrel album? The squirrel World War II. That's probably my best joke. Can you remind us? You never get to repeat jokes on this show, so can you remind us of what that joke is? So I have

a screenplay for a movie I've been working on called World War II, A Survivor's Tale, but it's spelled T-A-I-L, and it's about a family of squirrels living in a tree in the middle of Berlin during World War II. It's based off the movie by Shel Silverstein. Basically, Larry, the father of the squirrel family, begins getting suspicious when Hitler starts rounding up all the Jews. Squirrel family begins getting suspicious when Hitler starts rounding up all the Jews. Patricia, the mother of the squirrel family, knows something's wrong, but Germany's been in such a bad situation since the end of World War I,

and it seems like Hitler's got some pretty good plans for Germany, so she's on board. Basically, it's the struggle of Larry and Patricia's marriage while also witnessing the transformation of Berlin during World War II from the perspective of a squirrel family up in a tree. Jonathan Taylor Thomas makes his theatrical return as Oscar. The drug-addicted oldest brother of the squirrel family. Critics are hailing it as a sublime combination of Fievel Goes West meets Schindler's List. A must-see.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas is clearly out of his comfort zone, playing Oscar, the oldest brother of the Squirrel family, who quite frankly doesn't care if he's tearing his parents' marriage apart or if Hitler really is rounding up all the Jews. Wow. I love that. I love it, man. I would, if I had the money, I would try to make that a reality. I think that could be, I don't know, what do you picture?

I've thought about it. Would it be actors or a cartoon? I picture losing a lot of money. That's the first thing I picture. And from there, I don't know. But I want, I kind of want real actors with masks. Swamp Thing plays Jonathan Taylor Thomas. You're like, real creepy.

Do you all not remember Swamp Thing? They don't. One guy, one person, one creature in the back. William, another fun fact. Has anything happened in your life this past week

since the last time we saw you? Anything in your normal life? It has. Honestly, today I get off my job at the self-storage unit place. I end up making it back to my place probably 520 I have to just take a horrible shit

my roommate's sister's in town along with her friend I get in there somebody's in the shower I end up just becoming completely naked in my room I end up sitting down at one point just thinking oh my god is this going to help it made it far worse and I ended up I was looking for bags I I bought this shirt on eBay for $300. It's a collector's edition.

And the guy did it in a Ziploc bag. I was thinking I was going to shit in the bag. But then I heard somebody get out of the shower, and I turned this shower back on because I don't want to hear them. They don't want to hear me taking a shit. There you go. So you turned the shower on and then you did the poopy. I did.

There you go. There's the two. Do you work at a self-storage place? I do. I leased out two units today. If anybody's looking for a 5x5, 5x10, you've got pretty good deals going right now. William, we've heard a lot about you

working at this self-storage unit. Can you give us a little pitch of what it's like to hear it? Like what you actually would say if I was just walking into your storage unit place, right, middle of the day and I'm just like, hey man, I'm looking to maybe, I don't know, you guys have storage units available? Hey, what's your name? Oh, geez.

My name is Kill Tony. Kill Tony, very nice to meet you. How much stuff do you have? Well, I just bought a commercial airliner, and I'm looking to store it somewhere because I'm going to be a professional pilot. That is a 10 by 50 space. We have them.

Are you comfortable with paying $2,000? No. Okay, no. Let's say it wasn't an airplane, William. Let's say, oh, I have this. A model airplane. I have a case of. Wine.

Yeah, I have a case of wine. I need a storage unit. I would recommend a unit in the L building. It has a lot of insulation in there. Perfect for wine storage. I'd like to get you in the 5x5 premium, which means it's one of the first four buildings on the lot. But if not, I can offer you...

When you say the... Excuse me to cut you off. When you say the first four buildings on the lot, do you mean the first four buildings that were built or the first four closest to the parking spots? What do you mean exactly? Closest to the entrance. It's about a mile long.

So that's premium. It's premium. There's a lot of homeless people who are in premium positions. It's close to the front. Is it climate controlled? It's not. What? It's a metal box. And that's what I tell people. Like if we ended up

going to a unit, I'd be like, Tony, here it is. It's a metal box. So I hope you're cool with $75 a month. Well, William, I absolutely love what you do every week and every time I see you.

I love you. It's nice to say I love you too. William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. Woo! What do you guys think? What do you guys think? Back to the bucket one more time, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Tony, can I plug a show real quick? Yeah. I'm on a show with William and Mikey McKernan tomorrow. Amazing Comedy Theater, 945 Huntington Beach. Wow, look at that. It's a Kill Tony power fest this week. We have shows on

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. When's your next stand up on the spot, Jeremiah? Tomorrow night. Wow. Oh, look at that. It's incredible. Going head to head against your own drummer, huh? I guess so. It's here at the Comedy Store, though.

Oh, cool. Well, there you go. I'm on that. Red Band's on it. I'm on that. And it's Stand Up on the Spot in the Belly Room. Yeah. 8.30. Brendan Shaw, Ron Funches, Pete Holmes, Red Band, Jesse May Peluso.

It's going to be a great time. There you go. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Zach Powers, everyone. Probably your... Here we go. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Zach Powers, everyone. Probably your... Here we go. Come on, everybody. It's your last comic of the night, Zach Powers.

Hello. Good to see you. Thanks for hanging out. Like you said, my name's Zach Powers. Hello. Good to see you. Thanks for hanging out. Like you said, my name's Zach Powers. I'm almost 30 and my car is worth less than like a nice grill. So that's tight. Killing it. I know that because I tried to

sell it at a junkyard because I'm broke as fuck. If you've never been to a junkyard, let me break it down. It's kind of like Pawn Stars meets Mad Max directed by meth that's how some guy'll stab a kid for a bike frame it's fucking tight i knew i'd arrived because uh like the scrapyard leader he kind of looked like joe dirt fucked brett michaels he crawled out of this oil slick and uh he told me my car was worth fifty50. That's a tough moment when you realize that your fucking car has a market value that's less than used Xbox.

So that's tight. You know how it feels in your car to be driving a car that is literally worth less than some tickets you could get while driving it? It's like if you ran a red light a cop pulled you over said get the fuck out we're taking it so that's it for me yeah fuck yeah zach power hello hi zach hey how's it going how's it going on the show before right no first time first time ever wow how long you been on stand-up uh Three years this month. Three years. All of it in Los Angeles? No, I just moved here from Cincinnati like a month and a half ago. Wow.

Look at that. The land of Tom Segura. Fuck yeah. He was as big as you when he moved out too. Yeah. I'm trying. And all you have to do is eat six pounds of tofu every day after that. You're going to be just fine. You're going to have that amazing body. I could look like my grandmother.

So Zach, welcome. Uh, say how long have you been on here? A month and a half. Right. You have a job yet. I just do like freelance video editing,

shit like that. So no, I would have guessed. Cause you look more like a, like a freelance video editor. Yeah. I look like everybody. That's how it goes. Jokes were funny, man freelance video editor. Yeah. I look like everybody. That's how it goes.

Jokes are funny, man. Thanks, man. Yeah. I saw you at Go Bananas last time we were there. Thank you very much. Yeah. That's what I was going to ask you next. You started there?

Yeah. That was like my home base, Go Bananas and Cincy. What part of LA are you living in? West Hollywood over down Santa Monica a little bit. Oh, cool. Yeah. Real trash in Cincinnati. What's that? Real trash in Cincinnati.

Real trash? Yeah. That's a little bit. Yeah, but that's good. It's better than Cleveland. No, it's not. No, it's not at all. You know it's not. In what way is it better than Cleveland? We don't have an NBA team and people still want to go there. No one wants to go there. Someone wants to go there. We don't have an NBA team, and people still want to go there.

No one wants to go there. Someone wants to go there. I've never heard anyone say, you know where I want to go before I die? Cincinnati. No one has ever said that. No one's make a wish is let's go see fucking Cincinnati, Ohio, where they fucking invented black lung or whatever. No, it's not you.

It's a disease. Well, maybe you're a disease. I'm kidding. I love Cleveland. I love Mel too. Did you see a lot of tourists come through the Cincinnati area when you were there? Oh, yeah.

So I know usually people from Kentucky. Well, yeah. No, I'm joking. Because that's right there. Those aren't tourists. Those are people just coming for abortions.

Yeah, they're just... For now. For now. Is that what you did when you were in Cincinnati, video editing? I was a producer at a news station there. Oh, wow. Hard-hitting journalism. Fuck yeah.

Yep. What was the craziest news story or memory that you have from working there? Someone's cat died? Newscaster didn't know that the cameras were rolling? cat died? I was... Newscaster didn't know that the cameras were rolling? Yeah.

I worked the Saturday... I would work Saturday nights and I was there alone one day and then I heard over the police scanners that a child had entered the gorilla enclosure. Oh, this is the one.

And I... So, yeah. Whoa. I was working the day Harambe got fucking murdered. Fuck yeah! Yeah, it was tight. I was working the day Harambe got fucking murdered. Fuck yeah. Yeah, it was tight. Dude.

That's why Cincinnati's better than Cleveland. There you go. There you go. That was tight. Fuck. Yeah. That was in Cincinnati? Yeah.

Yeah. You lived through a meme. I lived through it. Fuck. No one even fucking watched my show because it was the Saturday Night News. Who the fuck watches that? It was a waste of time. Okay. I don't know. I was just bummed because

CNN got the footage of it and then no one watched the look. You know what I mean? Gorilla Diet and all you care about is yourself. Right. How about hobbies, Zach? You seem like you would be the moderator of a subreddit or something like that. Yeah.

I used to fix guitar amps. Yeah. That was cool for a little bit, which is a great way to lose a lot of money. You play any sports? I played baseball until high school. What position? Fucking right field and second base until I gained weight, then back to right field. Then umpire.

What a great career. Yeah, I nailed it. Fun athletic career. Yeah. My goodness. My dad said if I don't get my grades up, I have to quit the team. Yeah. How do you like living in West Hollywood?

Do you have any guys hunt you down, like the bear that you're built like? Yeah. Anything on Santa Monica? It's just old Russians, dude. Old Russians. I can't even talk to them. That's funny. I know probably exactly which part of Santa Monica you live on.

Just east of Fairfax? Yeah. West of La Brea? Like three blocks east of it, dude. Why'd you come to LA instead of New York, just out of curiosity? I had a friend out here, and also, you know, like, you know,

shooting video and editing, you know, it seems a little bit better, and I don't know, I just kind of drove out. Okay. Made it happen. Most fun thing you've done since coming to Los Angeles? Dude, I came to a show here like two days in just by myself and i watched like the 16 headliners and it was uh fucking it was rad dude i think uh you were on it one night rogan was on it it was it was cool to just hang out for a minute watch like a good show oh i saw like a

hell like a chopper almost like some cops almost shot a guy right outside of our apartment. Yeah, that's what we want. Yeah, there you go. We don't want fucking you like comedy. I woke up at 8 a.m. from the sound of a chopper, which was alarming because I was only here for like a week. Right. And they were just screaming, this guy, he was like, put down the gun. And I couldn't see where he was at, but it was right over the apartment.

Was this real or was this a video game that was on in your apartment? It was real. And they kept screaming to put down the gun. I couldn't see him. And I just went back to sleep because I didn't care anymore. And we'll see what happens. Wow. That happens a lot.

Yeah. I figured that out now. It's a normal L.A. thing. Real L.A. story. Cincinnati, they don't really have helicopters and shit. No, just like a tank. It's just like horse cops. There's a lot of horse cops. Alright.

Zach, any other fun facts about you? You seem like the kind of guy that likes to dribble basketballs but never shoot them or something like that. Anything that would surprise us? I'm a power forward. Do you have a lady? Yeah, I had a girlfriend.

She's great. We moved out here together. Vegan woman? Not vegan. Okay. No vegan. She's chill. How long have you two been together?

About coming up on three years, too. Three years. Yeah. You guys live in WeHo. You have a king-sized bed? Queen. Queen. Yeah. It's tight.

It's tight. Yes, queen. What does she do? She's a graphic designer. Yeah, that's right. That's a power couple right there. A video editor and a shit. You guys get to fucking nerd out with your turds out. Yeah.

Nerd out in Adobe. Get to fucking dork out with your fork out. You know what I'm talking about? The fucking lens crafter with your hay batter. I bet she's a great girl because she doesn't care about the physical or what you look like. It's more what's in the soul. She really cares about you.

She's taking one for the team for sure, which is cool. I appreciate that. It's hard to believe that you aren't the one tonight that was the writer's assistant for the Roseanne show. I fucking wish, dog. Yeah, I bet you do. Yeah, I need a job.

Welcome to L.A., man. That was great. Thanks, dude. Congratulations to you. We'll see you again soon. Thank you. There you go. Zach Powers, everybody.

Great job. And that's it. We did it. Another episode of Kill Tony. Make sure you check out Tim Dillon is going to hell. Gas Digital and YouTube DC Improv April 4th through the 6th. And Laugh Boston May 16th through the 18th. How about another hand for the great Tim Dillon, everybody?

Thank you. Look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt. Incredible. Ryan J. Ebelt.com for all the prints. He's going to put it right up to the camera after we wrap up this picture so you people watching on YouTube could get a quick glance at it. How about another hand for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins, everybody.

The new Feminist Stacy t-shirt is out now at JeremiahWatkins.com plus a brand new episode of Jeremiah Wonders with, of all people, Red Band will be the guest on tomorrow's episode, right?

It drops at... It's already out. It's out right now. Make sure you check it out. That's Jeremiah Wonders with guest Red Band. Anything else, Jeremiah? Yeah, just get your Feminist Stacy shirts at jeremiahwatkins.com. I just said that. And then Stand Up On The Spot is every other Tuesday here at the Comedy Store,

so come see it live. There you go. How about another hand for silent but deadly Chroma Chris, everybody. Look at him over there. Chris, what did you think about tonight's episode? You really aced it, Tony. Hey, Tony, can I give a shout-out to my brother

because it's his birthday today? Yeah, sure. Thanks. Happy birthday, Danny, to my brother. Ah, there you go. Yeah, sure. Thanks. Happy birthday, Danny, to my brother. Ah, there you go. That was it. Happy birthday to Chroma Danny. How about another hand for this little Chiquita banana back here,

the one and only Joelbert Joel Jimenez. Did it again. He's on social media, mostly sorry. Anything else, Joel? Oh, I have so many sponsors. Ludwig, Caveman Coffee, Speedweed, Luca Clothing, Addicted to Chaos, social media mostly sorry anything else joel oh i have so many sponsors uh ludwig caveman coffee speed weed luca clothing addicted to chaos all anybody who's ever given me stuff bye it is true he went to jared on the volley make sure you go to caveman coffee co.com enter the code kill tony

and save 15 off any order they really do make unbelievable it's great i really do drink it during the episodes. It's my new favorite thing. I like the nitro cold brew. Get yourself some. And yeah, look out. New York City, Sacramento, San Francisco, La Jolla, West Nyack, St. Louis, and Ventura this Thursday

at the Hong Kong Inn. Thank you, live audience. Thank you, guys. Good night.ねえヨロギロイダイ 襲い出してよね ヨロギロイダイ 負けられないのね ヨロギロイダイ ច្នាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Bye. Thank you.