KILL TONY - KILL TONY #347

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 02/21/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Monday at the Road Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, but we are on the road all the time. So if you click on tour dates, you can see that we're in Vancouver, Swansea, La Jolla, Ventura, Washington, Boston, Austin, a bunch of dates. Click on tour dates at DeathSquad.tv.

Also, check out Tony's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his stand-up dates. So go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. And Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every single episode of Kill Tony. You can check out his website, RyanJEbelt.com. He has posters, prints, he even has the Kill Tony book there. So check out ryanjebelt.com. And last but not least, shopsquad.tv. There you have the official Kill Tony t-shirt, including Death Squad hats and shirts and mugs. Go to shopsquad.tv, the official

merchandise of Kill Tony. And now here's a brand new episode of kill Tony. Hey, this is red bank. Coming to you live from the Vogue Theater here at Just for a Last Vancouver here for a brand new episode of Kill Tony Hitch, Tony Hitchcock! Vancouver, Canada! Make some fucking noise! Yowie wowie, how exciting is this? Look everybody, it's Brian Red Band!

Hey everybody! Oh, my goodness. Look at this, ladies and gentlemen. Just to let you know, people are still coming in. The place sold out. I want to let you know this is the largest ever Kill Tony in its history. Ever. 1,300 Canadians

and even a couple Americans made the trip here tonight. We were covered on Howard Stern this week. Howard and Robin learned of us. We solved a murder down in the States and things just keep moving along.

There you go. Very good. There's one trashy fucking Canadian that made it out already. Made the fucking long drive from downtown Eastside to be here. Anyway, the road continues. Venus de Milo in Swansea, La Jolla, Tacoma, Skankfest South, Boston, Austin, and other fun things coming up. Got my caveman coffee. Life is good. This is it. We are here. And we've been telling you guys about Canadian baked delicacies that we love. Canadian baked CBD. Hey, we've been telling you about Infinite CBD for a while. They've got the best CBD products on the market, high-end pure CBD isolate.

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Use the code killtony. Link in description so that they know that we sent you. That's it. You guys ready to start this puppy pie or what? We are live in Vancouver, Canada. BC. Beautiful. Now, as with all of our road episodes, as always, we didn't book a guest on this.

The great Tim Dillon is 45 minutes away in some other part of Vancouver. We tried to get him, but he's got two shows tonight, two shows tomorrow, and he's got to do Kill Tony on Monday. However, we do have a band, ladies and gentlemen. Every single episode of this show, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. Beautiful green room set up here at the beautiful Vogue Theater in Vancouver. And so I haven't seen these guys in like 45 minutes. So let's see what they came up with tonight. Maybe it's brand new characters. Maybe it's the return of characters we've seen before. Let's all find out together

when I present to you the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band, Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Whoa. I'm not exactly... I'm not exactly... I'm not exactly 100% sure of what this is. I am Greta Thunberg. Oh! Oh!

Greta Thunberg, wow! This is super exciting. My goodness, how'd you end up here? What are you doing here? I am letting people know about climate change. And this is my brother, Hansel. Hansel? Hansel Thunberg, welcome. That is right, Tony.

Wow, I didn't realize Greta's brother was a caveman, a Mexican caveman. This is exciting. It's funny you say that because the caveman actually had clean water, Tony. The rivers are polluted now. You seem to have a little bit more reggae than Nordic in you. Yeah, man. They had the clean water, man. All right. Very good. Well, we have a couple to clean water, man. Alright, very good.

Well, we have a couple environmentalists. Look how sad Greta Thunberg looks, as always. What a pouty head. You're gonna be really pissed when Trump wins again. Uh, this is very exciting, though. It's good to be... You ever visit Canada, Greta? Is this new for you?

The mountains of Vancouver are lovely. Ah, I love it. There you go. Heck yeah. They also have free health care here. That's a big deal, right? You guys fucking love waiting for months, waiting for months and months and months. If you get anything serious, that's great. What you guys have going on up here and your dollars doing tremendously well. Congratulations to you guys. I actually wrote a joke about it. What do you call a Canadian that finds out they have cancer? An American tourist. Okie dokie.

It's because we have superior medicine down there, even though it's expensive, but you have to make money, you know what I mean? Exciting stuff. And look at this. Someone named Jesse out there made us the Vancouver Bucket of destiny, everybody. It's rave ready for this capacity show as people are still storming in.

I think we're going to get another delivery of names as they continue to seat the room. We have to start on time because we have a hard out today in an hour and a half. So we're going to slam right through it. And it's exciting. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you jump right up this stairway right up the middle here and you begin. 60 seconds of uninterrupted stand-up comedy. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitten.

That means wrap it up then or else you're gonna bring out the angry Davy Street Bear. There you go. That's your very own gay bear, ladies and gentlemen. That is as gay as it gets. Good old Davy Street. We all know that one. Abso-fucking-lutely.

That's where pipelines... All right, forget it. That's where you can really use your infinite CBD lube. Gay people are actually environmentally friendly because they are not overpopulating the world

and drinking all of the clean water. Hansel, I've never even heard of you, and you are adorable. I love you too, Tony. Clearly you left your wig in a... Was that in your carry-on, or did you check that today? Well, the winds have been stronger since global warming has happened. You guys ready to start this fucking show or what? The first ever time we've had Greta Thunberg and her brother

Hansel. Guys, this is the biggest Kill Tony ever for the number one live podcast in the world. It happened here in Vancouver, Canada of all places. I cannot explain it, but you people love fucking blood and guts, clearly. Yeah, I said it. The stairway is right down the middle. There's no other way on this stage. And with that, the show will begin. You're a little bit too close.

You got to disappear, dude. Yeah, what the hell? You got the world's most obvious cameraman here. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. I feel like it's that murderer guy. My God. Maybe you can disappear like the polar ice caps are. Just keep going.

Fade into the darkness. Fade away. These just fade away. All right. This is a pretty simple name. How about Chris B? Let's get it started with Chris B. Chris B.

Here he comes. Right there. Right down the middle. Ladies and gentlemen, your first comedian on our biggest Kill Tony ever. It's Chris B. Thank you. Thank you very much. First joke.

Oh, fuck. This is way more hard than it looks. Oh, I walked in on my son. He's four years old. I walked in on him playing with his nipples the other day. So I guess I'm going to be knocking when I come into his room from now on because

I think by the time he's six he'll probably have his finger up his ass and uh possibly by the time he's 12 well i don't really want to know what the fuck he's going to be getting into by then um what else oh yeah i'm taking that little guy to jujitsu these days um like i said he's only four and a half, but I got to give him an outlet because he loves to wrestle and he needs something other than punching me in the dick would be good. Meow, hopefully. Anybody? Anybody got a meow for me, please? Oh, yeah. How come they don't sell any walls at Walmart? I was at Walmart and they didn't have any walls. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Fuck yeah. There you go. That would be where the stinger would end. It would be on that first pop of that song, Greta. So, Chris B., let's talk about it. First time doing stand-up comedy? Talk into the microphone. There you go. There's talk about it. First time doing standup comedy, talking to the microphone.

Yes. There you go. There's the goat of the first time. And, uh, let's just say it right now. Hopefully last time doing standup comedy. Fuck yeah, man. Wow. What made you want to do this here today?

I love your show. And, um, I never have done anything like this in my whole life. So why the fuck not? Yeah. You love it so much that you decided to, uh. And I expected not to get picked, mostly. I expected not to get picked Mostly I expected not to get picked Right

I don't ever understand that really Like if you The people that don't sign up I would understand if you said I expected not to get picked Like that would make Just so much sense Like wow I had no idea this would happen

I didn't realize that's how it worked That they were marking IDs on the way in And just writing If you do the math You know it's not that good of a chance If you do the math You fucking whack job What are you talking about If you do the math, you know, it's not that good of a chance. If you do the math, you fucking whack job. What are you talking about?

If I do the math. You're wasted. What do you do with oil for a living? What do you do for work? I'm a roofer. A roofer? Oh my God, a Canadian roofer. Jesus Christ.

Greta Thunberg. The real question is, what are you doing with that can after you're done with it? Recycling it for sure. No problem. My goodness. How long have you been roofing for? Too long, like 12 years. And how long have you been roofing for?

Oh, Greta knows what roofing is. Yeah, you got a lot of hair on the back of your neck. What's your love life like? You have a girlfriend? I am married. Yeah, you're goddamn right. How long?

Too long. 12 years. I don't know. Actually, I can't remember. I've been with her for 20 years. I don't remember how long we've been married. How much have you been drinking today? I don't drink, so too much. Wow. Wow, everything is just too much of everything today. This was your day to just go off the rails. Do you live here in Vancouver? West End, Davie, yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense. That's exactly what that's what I heard about your types of people. You could barely stand up right now or stand up. Look at you wobbling. I'm nervous as fuck. And if Red Band's making fun of your physical posture, you got big problems, right? This is not good, yes. You got big fucking problems. So what do you like to do for fun?

Anything interesting that we should know about you? Man, I'm so Vancouver. Like yoga, working out, and smoking dibs. That's what I do. Working out and smoking dibs? Oh my god. Come on, man. What the fuck? What type of working out do you do?

You go to Wreck Beach and let everybody see that fucking wrecked body? Fucking A. I used to. I love Wreck Beach. It's beautiful, man. I bet. I bet. I bet you fucking do. You have pubes all over your body.

What type of working out do you do? What's your specialty? Boring shit. You know, hitting the weights. There you go. The regular shit. Okay. Most interesting thing about your entire life that you've ever done that we would need to

know about? Holy fuck. Nothing good. Traveling. And that's about it. There you go. There he goes, Chris B., everybody. Literally the most boring person of all time. No better way to start an episode.

No better way to start an episode. That means that the episode can only get better, ladies and gentlemen. That's what's exciting about that. Nowhere better than the Vogue Theater, 1,300 people, than to literally find the most boring man in the history of the show.

Great, great stuff, Chris B. Boy, I wish everybody that was just a fan of the show without an ounce of talent would sign up for it. I can't implore you enough. This is a full name. I believe this person will do better. Make some noise for Trevor Robertson, everyone. Let's get those house lights up.

Whoa! Right from the front row. Wow. One more time, good and loud. No heckling during the 60 seconds for Trevor Robertson, everybody. So my friend

signed me up for this. Just give me one moment here. How to do stand-up comedy as according to wikiHow. Start strong and do not be afraid to write down your set in advance. I clearly fucked that one up already. Okay.

Second one, do not be afraid to take a pause after all your jokes to give the audience time to laugh. Good job, everybody. Okay, third, uh, third joke here. Uh, make sure to return to previous jokes on the set. Repetition is funny. Thank you, everybody.

Um. My name is everything. Yeah! thank you everybody alright well we've come to the point where I ran out of ideas thank you sir I'm glad that you like me less than the guy fuck yeah Trevor Robertson everybody very exciting my goodness this is very exciting everybody Trevor Robertson, everybody. Very exciting. My goodness. This is very exciting, everybody.

Tony, I thought you said it couldn't get worse. Let it all happen here. This is exciting. We had a Windy City Heat crossover. It's exciting that the guy from Barstool Sports was able to make it here. Very exciting, dude. Are you all right? Are you just Canadian?

What's the problem here? What's going on? What's your story, Trevor? Your friend signed you up for this? When did he tell you that he signed you up? You know what? He actually didn't tell me that he signed me up. So you're telling me that he didn't tell you that he signed you up and you had a thing written down on your phone in which you just, in case of an absolute emergency. I actually just looked at my lock screen and made that up.

You were looking at your lock screen when you got up. And so you improvised all of that. Absolutely. So at no point did you know that your friend signed you up. Did your friend sign up? I fucking hope so. Did you walk in with him? Yeah, but he got me in my seat and then went off to grab beers.

Oh, I see. And were you suspicious of him signing you up when he went and did that? Oh, I knew for a fucking fact he did it. All right. Well, let's see if your interview part can at least be better than Crispy, who supposedly is a huge fan of the show. So, Trevor, is there anything interesting about you or your life whatsoever other than the fact that you look like someone took an episode of Succession

and dipped it in fucking acid? I think you hit the nail on the head. That's pretty much the best part. Really? Nothing about you or your life or anything ever that you could possibly ever explain or imagine? Any fun facts about you, skills, talents, whatsoever, anything?

Uh, I mean, I, talents, whatsoever, anything? I mean, I know how to breakdance. You know how to what? Breakdance? What is that? That's breakdance music? Really? Do you know about this?

Every time Brian dances, he breaks his back. All right, you got to do it, dude. Let's do it. Doing some breakdancing. Canadian breakdancing, everybody. This is very exciting. Whoa. Nice save! This is the stupidest show ever. I don't understand why you people come to this.

That's all it takes from everybody hating you to loving you. Was spinning around a bunch of times like an absolute moron. At least he didn't have to drink piss. Okay. Wow. Un-fucking-believable I couldn't picture any way That you would have more trouble getting laid And then I saw the way that you just broke dance

You ever do that to impress a girl? I am very impressed If you had a shot with Greta What would be your first move on her? What would you do to a girl like that if you got her into the bedroom? Statutory rape. I'm 17. Oh.

Oh. Okay. In Canada, they just call that a wholesome relationship. You know what I mean? Their, what's that word? Conversion rate's a little bit different here. All right, Trevor. Well, I mean, you know, it just doesn't get any worse than someone whose friend signs them up.

But then you came up here and you completely redeemed yourself with ridiculous break dancing. What can I say? You know, when times are tough, always go into that. There he goes. Trevor Robertson, everyone. That's one way of doing it. Oh, yeah. That's one way of doing it. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport.

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You've got this. Okay, we're having fun. Let's keep it moving. Make some noise for your next comedian. He goes by the name of Rob Biglin. Rob Biglin. Oh, we got a big pop from that side of the room. Here we go.

Could this be Rob? Look at all the flannel shirts having to get up at once. Jesus Christ. There are a lot of ugly people in this audience tonight. It is incredible. How's the balcony doing up there, huh? Fuck yeah. One more time for Rob Biglin, everybody.

Hey, guys. Whoa. I'm pretty fucking nervous right now man trying to picture all you guys naked but a lot of you guys have way bigger dicks than me is making me even more nervous right now oh well at least at least i've never failed an std test. I got 8 out of 10 on my last one. I'm pretty proud of that. Thank you. Thank you.

Sorry. Sorry, I lost my pace. Thank you, thank you, sorry Sorry, I lost my pace You got it, baby Thank you, thank you Fuck, fuck I'm gonna stop you for a second, Rob It's okay, it's okay

No, shut the fuck up and keep thinking Of the last joke that you can't remember right now While I remind the audience That this is critical, it's only 60 seconds, you fucking buffoons. So the important thing is if you have so much hate or somewhat of an idea for somebody, then you can yell it as soon as he's done, as soon as you hear that fucking bear. But during the 60 seconds, don't try to get your laugh in if you signed up and you're lucky enough to get pulled out of the bucket then you have a chance up here you don't get to interrupt people 60 seconds is that okay you guys understand that it's the

it's literally the format of the show that you bought tickets for is that cool with everybody are we all on the same page how about the super drunk goblin bitch on this side? Do you understand it? Whoever that is, if there's a lady in the audience that wants to just open hand slap her next time she yells, just feel free. It's one of the cool things about Kill Tony. You're allowed to slap someone if you hear them interrupting

somebody's 60 seconds. Do you remember the joke that you forgot? You got it? Let's do it. Now we go back to Rob Biglin, everybody. Alright, I'm going for ramen after this. You forgot? You got it? Let's do it. Now we go back to Rob Biglin, everybody. All right. I'm going for ramen after this. And I'm going with a bunch of my homies. And one of them's been to jail a bunch of times.

And I hope he's prepared to pay 25 bucks and not 25 cents. All right. We should have ended it when everybody started heckling you. No, I'm kidding. That was great, Rob. The first comedy set of your life, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And let me tell you something, dude. I absolutely loved your fucking opener, which is one of the hardest things to do in stand-up, is to get a laugh right from the get. You fucking did it. That picture people naked and they have bigger dicks than you thing is hilarious. Thank you. It was one of those things where we all thought that you didn't have a joke

and then you snuck it right in there. Everything else, garbage. Took a huge, huge fall after that. But, you know, getting one big laugh during your set is the first big laugh that happened here tonight from anybody doing stand-up comedy. Hell yeah. Thank you.

And for it being your first time, that's a really big fucking deal. What do you do for work, Rob? I'm a glassblower. A glassblower? Wow. A meth head. Yeah. No, well... How long have you been blowing

glass for, and what part of town does he live in? Is that on Davies Street? Bob Glass. No, I've been five, six years now. part of town does he live in? Is that on Davies Street? Bob Glass. Todd Glass. Five, six years now. Finally, we found the guy that's been blowing Todd Glass. Five years now?

Yeah, about five, six years now. What made you want to get into that business? What is the amount of marijuana you have to smoke before you're like, I'm going to start just making bongs myself, man.'s quite a bit yeah one day i couldn't find my pipe and i was like i'll just make one dude exactly right held a lighter up to a window and 30 minutes later dude my goodness uh blowing glass what do you like to do for fun? Any hobbies or anything like that? Skateboarding, skiing a little bit. Food. Hell yeah.

You have a girlfriend? No, I'm single. How long have you been single for? Six months or so. What happened six months ago? Why did you break up six months ago? A long distance relationship. Where was she at? She was in Alberta. Canmore. Oh, oh wow out there in the

fucking oil fields of alberta yeah yeah a little dirty oil yeah where'd you meet her at uh i met her at a bar in town in vancouver yeah she was uh visiting a friend and yeah and you just what do you say with them when you saw her at the bar You went up to her and you're like, oh yeah, I like you. Like that. Yeah, I guess the job's done here. You were like, I do two things. I blow glass and I crush ass. Which one am I doing tonight?

Yeah. Fuck yeah. So what happened that night? First of all, what'd you actually say to her? Tell the truth. That night, we just kind of talked all night about... What a pussy. Yeah. Talked all night.

My God, you're supposed to take a walk on her... I didn't really say anything specific, but enough to keep in contact with her. Yeah, we hooked up. Yeah. Canadian girl. Yeah. Fucking took her a little visit to the seawall, huh?

You know what I'm saying? Abso-fucking-lutely. She gave you that moose knuckle, dude. Yeah, definitely. Abso-fucking-lutely. Anything else crazy about you, Rob? What else is going on with you? You seem like the kind of guy that fucking likes to fucking flip coins best out of 11 or something like that, right?

Figure out which one's which, how your day's gonna go. I got a little fucking Two-Face vibe coming from you. You have a coin on you right now? I have... No. Let me remind you that loonies and toonies are considered coins to Americans. I hear a little jingle in your pocket, but that's

all good. What part of town do you live in? East, South Van, near Duffin's Donuts. Anyone go there? Yeah, Duffin's Donuts. Duffin's Donuts? Yeah, you should check it out. They got fried chicken. They're open 24 hours.

Oh, wow. You have fried chicken up here? Wow, that's incredible. I've never heard of such a thing. Man, we got to visit here more often. That's incredible. Fried chicken. Oh, my goodness. I'm going to try pizza sometime. It's not a selling point of the city, but. Man, we gotta visit here more often. That's incredible. Fried chicken. Oh my goodness. I'm gonna try pizza

sometime. It's not a selling point of the city, but... Oh my goodness. Gracious. Oh, wow. Well, Rob, that's fun. How old are you? I'm 29. Oh my god. That is hilarious. Canadians age at an unbelievable rate. It is

just incredible. How old do I look? 49. Okay. Yeah. You're like the... Well, it's all that glass blowing, right? You're like that little nine-year-old kid that everybody just raised money for and now they're realizing that he's 19 years old.

That's the thing. You can't raise money for a little midget because they could be any age. Those midgets will fool you people. A dwarf. Yeah, no. It's a fucking... Oh, now you're politically correct, really? Before you talk about pooping in a

pee hole or something stupid. That's completely allowed. You're allowed to do that. Thank you for your brave contributions, Brian Redbottom. You're welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, his first time ever on stage. It was here in front of 1,300 people at the Vogue Theater. Rob Bigel and everybody.

There you go. Absolutely. Look at that old man. Have we been keeping track how many flannels have been on stage so far? All flannels. Yeah. It's all flannels. Flannels and beards, right?

Wasn't that Canada last time? Swansea, Massachusetts. We'll be there next week. All flannels. It's all flannels. Flannels and beards, right? Wasn't that Canada last time? Swansea, Massachusetts. We'll be there next week. It's close enough. Swansea is the home of flannels. We ended up taking a picture on stage with everybody that had a flannel that night. There was like a hundred people. It was insane. It was embarrassing.

Okay. This looks like a funny name. Let's see if he's as funny as his name is. Make some noise for Ryan Zoys. Ryan Zoys. The Vancouver Bucket of Destiny featuring an LED light is called your name. Is he coming from the balcony? He's coming? Yeah, he's coming.

Yep. All right. I think now is a good time to bring up that right after the show, we're going to be doing a very, very fast meet and greet where we will be slinging posters made by the great Ryan J. Ebel specifically for this event as fast as we can. There's a high turnover right here. One more time for Ryan Joyce, everybody.

Here he is. He made it. All right. So I don't know if it's just the times we're living in or the rise of social media or if it's always been this way, but man, do we lie a lot these days. Everyone lies. Man, do we lie a lot these days. Everyone lies. We lie to each other. We lie to our friends and family. We lie to our work.

Mostly we lie to ourselves, though. And I get it. I get why we do it to feel good. Everyone does it. Celebrities even do it. I mean, hell, Lizzo has herself convinced that she's sexy and that men respect her. I do it to myself.

I tell myself that I'm going to be rich when I grow up, or chicks dig dudes with shaved heads, or that I still have hair. But I do it on purpose sometimes, too, just to make myself feel good. The other day I was doing my laundry and putting my towels in the dryer, so I just took a fat stack of dryer sheets and started peeling them bitches off one at a time like I was at the strip club throwing hundreds, and I got it like that. My towels are all kinds of fresh.

Fuck yeah, Ryan Soys. I'm going to go up on a limb here, Ryan. You can hold on to that microphone, Ryan. I'm going to guess that another first time? Indeed. Hell yeah. Well, congratulations, Ryan. Absolutely.

I could tell by your 45-second long setup about how people lie a lot. I'm going to be honest with you. By that period, I was hoping you didn't have a joke. And then you went into the Lizzo thing. I'm like, like fuck all of that for that i was just hoping you were going to do this form of comedy which is the opposite of comedy which is just setups i was going to really compliment it like it's like wow that could really be a thing and then maybe like maybe like there's like a puzzle where you send a video to the

audience afterwards and it's like boom this punch line that makes their heads explode or something like that but i thought you were just going to talk about people lying a lot just a pretty sad negative subject and then nothing was going to come out of it have you ever thought about just saying people lie a lot like lizzo wants you to think and going straight into it did that ever cross your mind are you like i really need to let these fucking people know that people lie a lot. Yeah, pretty much. Right into the tip of there. Pretty much.

That's not an answer to anything I asked you. Pretty much. Did you ever consider shortening the front end of that and just getting to the Lizzo part? I did, but I didn't prepare a ton of material. Right. No, you prepared a minute. Also, his front end has already been shortened enough by God. It's a small dick joke.

Fuck. Why did you make a small dick joke there? Look at him. You're just assuming this guy has a small dick? Yeah. Oh, okay. Jesus. Wow.

All right, Joel. Is it? Not really. No? Not really. No, this guy's working with a fucking man stick, dude. Guys with short dicks have to have special tricks like break dancing and shit to be able to overcompensate. You can tell just by Ryan's natural fucking uninhibited confidence by even having a setup that long in a 60 second set.

He's got a big hog. It's the opposite. He's got fucking, he's got Joel Berg problems. He's got fucking. All right, I take it back. First time ever. But also you look like a Jew and a Nazi hybrid. Oh my God.

Oh my God. That is, that's true. You just got World War Me Too'd right then. So Ryan, tell us about your life. What are you into? You seem like the kind of guy that's into saving the environment in some way, right?

I make hash for a living. You make ash for a living? Ash? Hash. Oh, I thought you just killed people and burned them. That's cool. You ever meet a guy that blows glass?

You guys could get in a business together, sell everything all packaged together in one unit. You ever think about this? I actually have a lot of friends that blow glass. Oh, I bet you do. Wow. There you go. There's some good old glass blowing music for you right there. Wow.

So you make hash, and how long have you been doing that for? Well, actually, I moved to Washington. I'm from Seattle, and I was a grower before I started making hash. I've been making hash about two years now. About two years. You grower, not a shower, I told you. Oh, look at that. That still doesn't have anything to do with the wrong size.

That doesn't make sense. It means he has a big dick. Oh, my goodness. The world is dying, and you guys are fighting with me? So, Ryan, what's your favorite thing to do after smoking hash? What's your go-to? You ever go to a Pink Floyd laser light show or something like that, perhaps? No, I'm a huge fan of comedy and pretty much entertainment in general,

movies, TV shows, that kind of stuff. Yeah, very cool. Do you have a girlfriend? Not at the moment, actually. We recently broke up. Why did you break up? Mother Nature is my girlfriend. It's actually super boring.

Go ahead and answer the question that I asked you. It's nothing exciting, really. We actually just have grown apart. You dated for a few years and got sick of each other? Actually, about 10. 10 years. Oh, my goodness. So how do you fill the time now that you're... What do you do to fill in for not having a girlfriend?

Is there something that's stepped up in the recent weeks? No, actually, we still live together. Ah. Do you ever masturbate in front of her? Actually, I have not done that yet. Have you ever thought about it? No, not really. Do it. I think you should

do it, dude. You have like a projector in your living room or anything like that? Like a big TV? Let me rephrase. I mean, I've done it in front of her, but it was like when we were having, you know, like when we were in the moment. Wait, you fuck like a porn star? At the end, you start just jerking yourself off until you come? I've always wondered if people actually do that.

I bet he does it this way, too. No, but more like, you know, like... Yeah, the gorilla jerk. Yeah, we know about this. You know, like, this is what's coming you know right oh here it goes you just lay there i'm gonna do what i could have done without you here like that right not to completion oh no you put it back in you rub some infinite cbd lube on that fucking thing and shove it back in there very good what's the craziest thing you've ever done

sexually wild whether it be happening to you or you did it to somebody else. You know. Don't lie here. I know that you know. Tell the truth. I had sex in the United Center in Chicago. Whoa. What were you doing there?

What did you fuck? One of the Chicago Bears? That's not even where they play. It doesn't make sense. It's the home of the Chicago Bulls, not the the bears it was a blackhawks game actually oh fuck yeah so you finally had a black cock for the first time in your life where in the where in the arena did you have sex stairwell in the stairwell like a fire exit stairwell? How did this end up happening? Classy lady, by the way.

We were there with friends of hers and friends of her sister. We had a box and... I bet you did. And yeah, it was just during one of the periods, so I figured it'd be slow. Oh, wow. It was one of those bloody hockey games, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Indeed. Wow. I just got my first period. Oh my goodness. Greta, what kind of tampon are you going to use for that? Eco-friendly. Wow. Ryan, how long do you think you lasted in that

stairway that day having sex at the United Center? I mean, I wasn't trying to make it a marathon, so probably about five minutes. Five minutes. Very good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. All up in that penalty box during a Blackhawks game. That's exciting.

Wow. Ryan, anything else we need to know about you before we let you go? Nope. Big fans. Love the show. There he goes. Ryan Joyce, everybody. He's on social media.

Dr. underscore Gupta. Fuck yeah. You guys having fun out there? Make some noise for your next comedian, John Platt. Ladies and gentlemen, John Platt. Ladies and gentlemen, John Platt. Here we go.

Look at the flannels coming in. Flannels and ball caps everywhere. John Platt, is he coming from the balcony? Anybody see movement up there? John Platt. Maybe I see something. I don't know if I'm seeing anything here. Is that John Platt coming down the middle? John Platt? Maybe I see something. I don't know if I'm seeing anything here. Is that John Platt coming down the middle?

John Platt? No, no. Is that you? No. It's a guy saying cheers. Oh, this is John Platt. Look at this fucking guy right here. Here he comes, everybody.

No doubt about it. Let's go, everybody. Thank you. Must be awkward when a school shooter kills your bully. It's like... It's like on one hand, it's horrific. Children were slaughtered. And on the other hand, guess who's got lunch money again, bitch? Timmy.

Must be even more weird though when a school shooter kills your teacher, you know? It's like, Jesus fucking Christ. I guess that science project was for nothing. I'm pro-abortion. To a degree, though, I think you should be able to get like three abortions, no question. But if you want to get a fourth abortion, I think you should have to save someone's life.

Wow! There you go. There you go. There you go. That's how it's done. Canada, come on. This is one of your own people. So, John, welcome. You've been on this show before. I was on last time.

Right. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe my good friend Joel Berg here just reminded me, were you the guy that got your first through seventh kisses? That's fucking right, baby. Wow. Damn, you're so likable. And I noticed that this set, clearly, I mean

1,300 people, this went better for you here than even the last set did at the Commodore Ballroom, correct? That last set was horrific. Meanwhile, after all those kisses, look what it's done to your confidence and swagger and style. Thanks a lot. An unbelievable set. Thanks.

Hard-hitting punchlines throughout. Compelling material. You had us all on the edge of our seats, getting laughs right at the 59th second. So let's talk about it, dude. How's your life changed since your last appearance on Kill Tony? I lost the virginity.

Whoa! Whoa! This is what we do. This is what we do. He is what we do. He was a virgin. And then we changed his fucking life.

Look at you now. Was it one of the girls from that night? It wasn't. No, but that's not what matters. It gave you some confidence. You went out there with a skip in your step. You guys did a hell of a lot for me that night, honestly. That was amazing.

Absolutely. Very good. So this chick that fucked you, where'd you meet her at? I signed up for some dating apps right after the show, and it was plenty of fish. Plenty of fish. Absolutely. Hell yeah. And then what?

Where'd you meet her at? You went out on a date? I went straight to her house. We talked about watching some fucking Mindhunter, like true crime and shit like that. Square up to the audience a little bit. Face these beautiful people out here. Yeah. So you went to her house watching some what?

Murder documentaries? Yeah, we were talking about like serial killers and shit. That's great. That's how it starts. We talked about Netflix and then I got there and there's no fucking Netflix inside. No, she didn't even have a fucking... Then you gave her a stabbing.

Okay. There you go. We got it, Joel. Thank you. So, how long after you got there did you start piping up? Well, we walked in. I thought there was going to be some Netflix, and then we went into her room. She was sitting on the bed. I was just standing there.

Why have Netflix when she'll show you her fucking Amazon? You know what I'm talking about? Hello. Come on. Did you wear a condom with her? I wear, of course. What were you about to say there? I wear a condom every time, Tony.

Every time. You only had sex once. Greta. How did you dispose of the condom? That's a good question. She has a garbage can next to the bed. Was it filled to the rim? Oh my God.

I didn't look in it. I just tossed it in. I don't know. Do not flush it. Otherwise, you can get fish pregnant in the ocean. Oh, Greta, I don't think that's true at all. I think that's another one of your conspiracies. No, it's true.

Where do you think mermaids come from? Oh, wow. Thank you, brother. The Thunbergs are fucking educating these people out here today. I'm going to ask the Thunbergs real quick. What do you guys think about this pipeline they're building from northern Vancouver all the way down through First Nations and indigenous people's lands? What do you guys think about this? I am appalled.

How dare you? You have to be guilty for your actions. We are disgusted with this pipeline, and it is good that our friend here did not flush his condom, otherwise the pipeline would not even be flowing. I think that's two different pipelines we're talking about here, Greta. Wow. So, John, what else is going on with your

life ever since losing your virginity being on kill tony what else is going on what do you do for work again i'm a painter house painter yeah your dad's business right that's right wow jesus my god you thunbergs are fucking pretty smart ever since you put on that Einstein wig, you got a lot smarter. Fucking brilliant. So you're a house painter? Yeah. Your father's business. Yeah. Uh-huh.

What do you like to do for fun now that you're fucking? You know what I'm saying, dude? I don't know what you're saying. Yeah, bro. Did you like it, by the way? I loved it. Was it everything you thought it was going to be?

It was amazing. No, it was really disappointing. Everything against what was building up to be. How long did you last? Did you come right away? I actually lasted okay. I was kind of surprised. I don't know.

How do you know what lasting okay is? What do you consider okay? The paint hadn't even dried on the walls yet. That's good. That's smart. I did get anal on the second try. Wow! Look at that.

I can't believe you let her fuck you like that. That is incredible, John. So ballsy. Did you wear a condom on the anal too? I went raw dog the first time. Whoa! Damn. Raw dog, or as they call it here in

Vancouver, Jappa dog. We've been laughing about Jappa Dog all day today. It sounds like a racial slur. I don't like it. I don't want any of these Jappa Dogs in my country. All these goddamn Jappa Dogs keep moving over here. Wow. There's one in the audience here.

Okay, stop it Alright that's enough Alright so John Anal on the second try Was that the same night No that was the second time Hell yeah you had to reload

And you just shoved it in her butthole Did you use any lube or anything like that Did you use some Canadian lube Or as you guys call it gravy No she had some lube or anything like that? Do you use some Canadian lube or as you guys call it, gravy? Syrup. No, she had some lube. Maple syrup? Yeah, that's what we do here, baby.

So she had lube and you put it in her butt. Did you notice anything different than having vaginal sex? What was the main thing that stood out to you? I don't know, it just felt a little better. Felt a little better? Oh, look at that. John Platt dropping truth bombs out here today.

Okay, Red Band. Red Band, get rid of that thing. Wow. I would never let any man inside my back door. You have to go green before you go brown. Oh, my goodness. Greta Thunberg. I don't think you're allowed to be making jokes like that.

You are too young. I'm about to graduate. All right. Well, John, I mean, what an unbelievable tale. Here you are on your second time ever on Kill Day. You've been maintaining doing stand-up other places, right? No. No, really?

This is your second time ever on stage? I went to a couple open mics, but I got kind of scared and I just kind of backed out. Wow, you just backed out and left? Yeah. Wow, dude, I'm telling you right now, you have to embrace it, dude.

You got to get out there. Clearly, there's no point in you saving all this energy for 1,300 people. There's a lot of comedians here tonight. You should try to find some, make friends with them after the show, ask them questions, let all this fear go,

because I guarantee you, you've already performed in front of more people than 90% of those open micers. Never have a chance at 1,300 people in a beautiful venue like this. That means a lot, man. Ladies and gentlemen, there he goes,

Vancouver's own John Platt. Yeah, we'll do it. So there you go. John Platt, a legend on the history of the show. For those of you that are diehard fans, sometimes we give a person their first ever kiss in some way. And in my mind, he had the most epic one of those ever as a virgin at the Commodore ballroom,

about seven or eight hot chicks is how I remember it. One dude tried to come up and I kicked him off the stage, but, uh, came up and they didn't just like fucking half kiss them. All these chicks shoved their goddamn tongue down his throat. And there he is killing. And while we have one Canadian legend up here, why don't we bring out a special treat, huh?

This guy was recently on an episode in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He's a Canadian comedian, and he did so good on this show that I had him open up shows for me that weekend in Calgary and he did an amazing job and incredible style, incredible delivery. I think this guy's gonna fucking blow up. I love everything about him. Make

some noise for him. The one and only Sam Walker, everybody. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I'm just a regular guy. Just trying to make it in this world same as everybody else except I recently realized that almost everything I've ever been told and everything I ever read is a lie

I was always told to treat people the way you like to be treated and apparently not everybody likes to get choked out until they crap themselves. Here's another cold, hard truth for everybody in the room tonight. There are only two types of people walking this earth. People with two holes and people with three holes. But that don't matter because get a load of this. I only fuck ass. Sam Walker.

Wow. Doing it again. Absolutely incredible. That's what I'm talking about. Unbelievable delivery. Smashing punchlines. The two biggest jokes of the night, undoubtedly. Just incredible.

Sam, I love this. I love everything about you. You come up here looking like Bane's grandmother. Very exciting stuff. You also, like another comedian, look like you could be both 29, 49, or 69. But incredible. You are just an incredible charismatic character. Congratulations, Sam.

Guys, anything for Sam Walker? Gotta love that coat though, right? It's like Indiana Jones from the North Pole or something. Yeah, absolutely. Where'd you get a coat like that? Where do you get your fashion style from, Sam? I took it off a fucking dead airman. At least you're recycling.

Fuck yeah. I am, Greta. I wore it for you. This is two sheets worth. I'll show you later what I did with the lower intestine. Whoa. I'm excited to actually find out myself on that one. So, Sam, you absolutely destroyed here tonight and also killed Tony Calgary and during the two stand-up shows that you did opening up for me.

You worked with me and the great Jeremiah Watkins. And Jeremiah and I were by far the two people in the audience laughing the hardest during your opening sets. We were cracking up. Sometimes people, if they don't have a little bit of a warning, it turns out they were a little bit of a warning, it turns out they don't. They were a little bit scared of Sam Walker. Well, he's built for the Kill Tony audience, a train comedy fandom that studies comedians watching comedians doing comedy.

Some people that night, it was their first ever comedy show. And some of them called 911 or 844 or whatever you call for an emergency here in Canada. I love shows like that. Looking at the audience's face, you know, gasping. Do you have that happen a lot, like in your shows, like people that aren't ready for it?

Yeah, goddamn right. Two weeks ago I was up in Edmonton and got booed off the stage, both shows. Fuck yeah. Here you are. And look at this. Here you are in front of 13. Oh, look at the YouTube commenters booing you from the audience.

They can't hide their jealousy, Sam. So how else is life going? Other than getting booed off a couple shows in Edmonton, what else is going on in your life getting booed off a couple shows in Edmonton, what else is going on in your life? Anything else interesting? Fuck, man. I am fighting for my goddamn life financially right now,

I'll tell you what. Yeah? What's going on? Wait, you? What do you mean, Sam? Tell us about it. I can't get a goddamn day job to save my life these days. You can't even afford a second glove. Why don't you fart and I'll show you where the other one is.

Okay, Brian. Very good. That's why there's only one of those a show, Brian. Very good. I have to put some banged up literally rules on you. Eco-friendly tampon. That's what I call my tongue. Oh. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Fucking shit. That is a man's man if I've ever seen one before. Well, Sam, we absolutely love you. He made the trip here all the way from Calgary for this. Greta Thunberg. Now, Tony, I don't know if you recall Sam's

song about Canada, but he might do well here. It could be fun to do that. I just don't understand you at all. I mean, like, fucking hell. But sure,

since we have to now that you do things like that, sure, let's see how it does. Go ahead, Sam, sing your Canadian song. Oh, Canada, our stolen native land. True patriot's blood is on all our hands with broken hearts we fall apart

the true north small and weak we spread them wide oh Canada we'll get down on our knees. Frauds keep our land notorious for greed.

Oh Canada, we'll get down on our knees. Oh, Canada will spread our cheeks for free. There you go. Sam Walker, ladies and gentlemen. There you go. And there he goes, Sam Walker, everybody. One more time for Sam, everyone. Fuck yeah, dude.

Absolutely. You guys having fun out there? How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Well, there's another chance for that coming up right now, because I just pulled

another name out of the bucket, and the name is Edem Gana, everybody. Edem Gana. Edem. Gana. Edem Gana. E-D-E-M-G-A-N-A. Edam.

I don't see any movement at all. Is somebody coming from the balcony, you think? They're coming, I guess. They're coming? Are you sure? I shouldn't pick another name out? There he comes. Okay, here we go.

Keep coming, Edam. You got this. All the way to the middle there. We got it. This is Kill Tony live in Vancouver, Canada. And this is your next comedian, Edam Gana. Hey, Vancouver. All right.

So I was falling asleep the other day, and the thought occurred to me that great religious leaders are just probably high-functioning schizophrenics, you know? They just like convince people that to have an imaginary friend and you know believe in all the kinds of crazy shit. But anyways, As a young child, I decided to masturbate ambidextrously. Because I don't want to have that whacker's curve, you know? When it's time for action, I want my dick to be paying attention. Fuck yeah, Edam Gana, everybody. Edam, grab that microphone. I'm going to talk with you for a bit here.

Hell yes. Welcome, welcome, Edem. Am I saying that right? Edem Ghana? Edem, but... Edem Ghana. No, it's fine. Is it Ghana? Yep.

Edem Ghana. Hell yeah, absolutely. Greta Thunberg. I always wondered what it would look like if Bill Cosby and Urkel had a child. Yeah, that's true. That is true. Another episode of Family Doesn't Matters. Hell yeah.

You ever rape anyone before? It's a Bill Cosby question. And then after you go, did I do that? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha! And then after you go, did I do that? There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever built a transformation machine to make yourself a cooler version of yourself? That's a good question.

So, Adam, welcome to the show. Is that your first time doing stand-up comedy? Yep. Oh, awesome, man. I love it. I love it. How long have you wanted to do it for? Since you were a kid and you bought those pants?

You always promised yourself that when you finally did it, you were going to wear the pants that... You have the pants of the child that the guy in that sweater would molest. It's incredible. Adam, is this something you've wanted to do for a long time? I enjoy the show. I love it.

And I'm funny sometimes. Hell yeah, you are. Absolutely. How old are you? I'm 37. 37. Fuck yeah. Another example of how he could easily be 20 years older than that.

I said it earlier. I'll say it again. But no, you're a good looking young man. 37, Adam. What do you do for work? I do restoration. Respiration. You help all the people breathe that do all the glass blowing blowing hash smoking and roofing all the restoration oh

restoration i thought you said respiration i thought you were helping people breathe better there's no monitor sound here so sometimes i have to guess what people say uh restoration of old buildings uh just like uh damaged, water or fire. Absolutely. A hundred percent. How long have you been doing that for? A long time? I've been doing that for four years.

But before that, I used to manage a restaurant called Chronic Tacos. Oh, shit. We know about Chronic Tacos. And then I managed a dispensary for a bit. Wow. Look at that. Absolutely. What a life.

You've lived a full life. You from here in Vancouver? Nope. My family is from Ghana with an H originally. Oh. And moved to Saskatoon and then I moved out here like, I don't know, 15 years ago. Yeah. Fuck yeah. What's Ghana known for?

What are they famous for? Well, they're famous. Black people. Yeah. We know that. Yeah, black people. That's some low-hanging fruit right there. Or as we call it, a Ghana banana.

Yeah. Go ahead. Tell us what your motherland is famous for. They're famous for exporting lots of cocoa beans for making chocolate and gold and such. Chocolate and gold. Chocolate and gold. Yeah. Chocolate and gold from the hit movie Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Wow. So how about your parents? What do they do? What's that story sort of like? Are they there? They used to live here, but they recently moved back to Ghana. Why'd they move back? Better medical plans there?

It's so funny that it's hard for you guys to laugh at how bad your free medical shit is. Look at that. It's not bad. You can't even laugh about not laughing about it. It's so funny that it's hard for you guys to laugh at how bad your free medical shit is. Look at that. It's not bad. You can't even laugh about not laughing about it. It's so funny. It's going to inevitably kill you. Doesn't that suck?

At the last minute, you're going to be like, fuck, I wish I could just pay. Okay. Can you say chocolate rain for me real quick? Chocolate rain. Wow. I have no idea what's going on here, but I'll take it. My goodness.

And you said you're not moving back to Ghana, right? Yeah, I mean, I was a young adult at the time, so... Heck yeah. You're staying in Vancouver, whether hell or high waters. Exactly. I'm ready. Do you ever go wading

near the seawall or anything like that? Water's cold. How much white pussy have you crushed in Vancouver? Let's talk about it. That's the question everybody wants to know. Enough. Heck yeah.

You shoved it in a lot of chronic tacos. You know what I'm saying? Fuck yeah. Anything, any special skills or talents or anything like that? Any magic tricks? You seem like you have a voodoo doll on you or something like that that perhaps you could... Nothing on me. Nothing on me. Really? Nothing? You sing, play on you or something like that that perhaps you could... Nothing on me. Nothing on me.

Really? Nothing? You sing, play an instrument, anything like that? You ever sing before? Not really, no. Not really? What do you mean not really? I feel like you have a powerful voice on you. No, I don't know. Stop it.

What is that? What are you doing to this poor guy? Chocolate Rain. Chocolate Rain. Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday. Came out in the early YouTube era. Chocolate Rain. Okay.

All right. That's good. There you go. I had a feeling. There you go. Well, that's great, Adam. Thanks so much for coming on this show what did you

even talk about did you get a laugh during your set I don't even remember you were serious at first talking about presidents and sir oh yeah I liked it I like it when someone starts serious and then goes silly Adam thank you so much how about a big hand for Adam Ghana everybody

fuck yeah silly. Adam, thank you so much. How about a big hand for Adam Ganna, everybody? Fuck yeah. Anyway, so before we go back to the bucket, would you guys like another special treat? Okay. Well, it just so happens to be that one of the six or seven ever in this show's history golden ticket winners made this trip to vancouver here today for this show for you to be here with this massive audience it's one of our favorites of all time. We found this guy in Seattle. He immediately won a golden ticket. He's cashed in in Los Angeles. He's cashed in at Kill Tony Mania. He sat on the

panel at Kill Tony Mania. He has put Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez through a table. He has wrestled Jeremiah Watkins. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you golden ticket winner here at the biggest Kill Tony ever. Make some noise for Todd Royce, everyone. Here we go. Todd Royce. What's up, Vancouver? My name is Todd Royce. My preferred pronouns are he, him. My preferred adjectives are robust and massive. I am married. Sorry, ladies.

Y'all can look, but you can't't touch a friend of mine said it's too bad that I am married because now women are all into the dad bod I was like dude I don't have a dad bod I have a stay at home mom bod that's why I have to tell people my pronouns because if I shaved my beard I would look like if Rebel Wilson let herself go.

Or if Amy Schumer dropped a few pounds. If you ever wondered what it would look like if Lizzo was white, and I don't need a DNA test to tell you I'm 400 pounds that bitch. Wow. Todd Royce. Coming in on his fourth or fifth appearance on this show's history and clearly showing the difference between a normal comedian, a new comedian, a good comedian, and a golden fucking ticket winner like yourself. This has been everything for me, man.

This literally, like here at the biggest Kill Tony, I have to say, in all honesty, this changed my life. The show. Being here. Absolutely. 100%. Yeah. here at the biggest kill tony i have to say in all honesty this changed my life the show being here absolutely 100 i love that man i absolutely love that giving opportunities to people uh letting them live their dreams and also crushing them one episode at a time it's the yin and yang of a fucking real raw live comedy so todd, Todd, what's been happening lately? What's going on in your normal life since the last time we saw you in October in San Francisco? October in San Francisco, Kill Tony Mania.

I have been growing my hair out a lot. And part of the reason is that last summer I decided that I was going to grow my hair until I lost 100 pounds because I got to lose some weight. Right. I don't know. I think this is pulling it off here. It's making me look a little slim, because I got to lose some weight. Right. I don't know. I think this is pulling it off here that's making me look a little slim, but I got to lose some weight. And since then, I've gained 12 pounds. Right.

Yeah. Wow. I didn't know hair was that heavy. Yeah. It is incredible. It is incredible. It is incredible. It is. He's like if all the Hanson brothers morphed into one fucking...

This is the... There you go. So you've been doing any pro wrestling lately? He's a part-time pro wrestler. You know what's crazy? Actually, the last match that I had was in September. And it was a cool experience because of who I was teaming up with, who I was wrestling against,

and the fact that 24 hours later I was on a plane going to the comedy store. I just thought, man, I want to put my focus into stand-up. If that's how I end my wrestling, because I'm definitely not ending it in the WWE, but if that's how I end it, then I'm perfectly cool with it.

You might get into Weight Watchers Entertainment. WWE. Is that a thing? No, it's not. Damn it. Might get into the whale watching empire, perhaps. And how long have you been married for?

I've been married for 13 years. 13 years. Wow. Thank you. Thanks. And remind me, what does your wife do for work when she's not making inevitable funeral plans? When she's putting lotion on all her bruises.

Yeah. No, seriously. What does she do when she's not tearing cologne samples out of magazines and rubbing them on you? Oh, thank you. Thank you for the mid-joke rim shot, Joel. The setup was pretty funny. I thought it was the joke. Thank you.

No. What does your wife do when she's not extreme couponing to save money on the grocery store trip? That was true. No, but seriously, what does she do? When she's not shopping for... When she's not shopping for ambulance prices. When you take a shit, does it go to the rim?

There you go. On good nights, yes. But seriously though, what does your wife do for work when when she's not ironing your shirt with a when she's not ironing your shirt with a tractor what what what does she do for work when she's not wondering which one of the two of you has prettier hair? What does she do for work when she is avoiding global warming by cowering in your giant shadow?

How dare you? How dare you? Sorry, you're right. That's true. That's a good point. Your wife is the only woman who has a sunrise and a sunset in her bedroom. Seriously, what does your wife do for work

when she's not mopping up the water that spilled out of the shower that you took? I love how he takes these jokes. By the way, you see what he's doing? This is how you get made fun of, people. Everyone else wants to fucking let their eyes water and shit. This guy refuses to lose any water weight whatsoever. He will never shed a tear.

This is how you get roasted. What does your wife do for work when she's not vacuuming the crumbs in your skin folds? Seriously, though, Todd. All jokes aside. All jokes. Seriously. Everything's aside.

No more jokes. Let's just get to the point here. You're going to make me piss. What does your wife do for work when she's not fearing the girl from the ring crawling out of your belly button? Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, what does your wife do for work?

I mean it this time. What does she do? I can't, my brain is, it's not going to get funnier than the girl from the ring crawling out of your belly button. That's a well that she crawls out of, if you're wondering. I picture it being so deep. That's an image that will keep me up late at night. Yeah. Well, no, it's your

heartbeat that's going to keep you up late at night. It's called sleep apnea, my friend. They make a mask for that. They do make a mask for that. That'd be good for maybe a wrestling character sometimes. Sleep apnea, man. Yeah.

I've been dreaming about this moment. What do you do for work? I don't even care what your wife does. I didn't even ask you. How do you make money? I'm a professional nutritionalist. If you guys want any advice. For what?

SeaWorld? Wow. This guy does to JappaDogs what Michael Vick did to actual dogs. He... What have you eaten? For example, what did you eat today? dogs what Michael Vick did to actual dogs. What have you eaten? For example, what did you eat today? Just be honest with us. What did you have?

How many boxes of cereal do you have? I bought two boxes of cereal today because I wanted to mix them together. Are you fucking serious right now? 100% I swear to Christ. And there's only about half of each of them left. Do you hate Captain Crunch because it's named after a workout? I never figured out. I didn't put it together, but now I get it, yeah.

What two cereals? First of all, I cannot fucking believe. I've never in the show's history asked anyone how many boxes of cereal they bought. You're telling me that you actually bought two today? This morning. What two types of cereal did you buy? Well, I'm a middle-aged guy, so shredded wheat and fruity pebbles. Wow. What?

That is such a fucking, well, I'm gonna be healthy and also a pig at the same time. I can eat the fruity pebbles if I put some shredded wheat in there. It's healthy. The size of your carbon footprint disgusts me. Interesting stuff.

Wow. You are so fucking so amazing. Your style, I mean, you come up here and you absolutely flexed on this room tonight. So fucking entertaining from the beginning, from the start of your set all the way through. You can roll. Unbelievable set. You can roll with the punches. Your sense of humor is

fucking priceless and we absolutely love you. Do you guys love this motherfucker or what, huh? Thank you guys so much. Come on, guys. Make some fucking noise. It's golden ticket winner Todd Royce. Fuck yeah. There will be no bargain, young Jedi.

That guy came all the way up to Canada for you guys. He pulled a passport out of his assport. That was like... You guys think we should go to this bucket one more time, huh? Alright, this is it. We gotta keep this episode fucking high and tight.

Like mommy jeans. Hey, look at that. There's a little pop there. Fun fact, I just did my first episode of that show in a couple years. Comes out next week. There you go. Fun times. Okay, your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Bradley Sikorsky.

Bradley Sikorsky. Here he comes. Bradley Sikorsky. One more time for your final comedian. This is it. Vancouver. Kill Tony. This is Bradley Sikorsky. I really hate my name, guys.

I feel like being named Brad, I get a free pass to be a douchebag, though. The Brad is the kind of guy that brings vodka and Red Bull to his sister's baby shower. You guys did that too? Yeah, I did that. My mom looked at me so disappointed, but I point at her at the corner, I'm like, Mom! You named me Brad, you asked for this. So as a douchebag, I've been bugging my girlfriend

for Roadhead. You know, the other day she surprised me and she surprised everyone else on the 99B line Still counts if it's on the bus, right? Yeah, I've been playing this game with my girlfriend now actually called Winnie the Pooing It's where I walk around the house wearing nothing but a t-shirt and I call her Piglet. Fuck yeah.

Absolutely. Great. Bradley Sikoski. Not easy at all to come up here and follow Todd Royce. That was a great performance, man. How long have you been on stand-up? I took about a year off. I did it for about six months. Six months.

Why'd you take a year off? I kind of lost confidence in it. Why? What happened? I just felt like I was running through the same jokes over and over again. I was in a writer's block, I guess. I guess so.

Yeah, I don't know. Gotta keep trying. I guess so. I always say there's no such thing as writer's block, even though I suffered from it tremendously at the end of last year, going through some crazy stuff in life.

But you plow through it, man. Writer's block is all psychological. So is that all new stuff, or is that the old stuff? A little bit of old stuff. Tweaked a little bit. I've been still writing, but I just haven't been up in a year. You've been what, but you haven't been up. I've been still writing, but I just haven't been up in like a year. You've been what, but you haven't been up in a year?

I still write, but I haven't been up in a year. You haven't been on stage in a year? Yeah. Wow. That's a great performance for not being on stage in a year. It's really good stuff, Bradley. You live here in Vancouver? Yeah, in the West End, Davey.

The West End. Heck yeah. That is, what's the West End known for? Bears. Bears? Bears. Bears? Wow. Look at that. Have you ever seen a bear?

I've encountered many a bear on Davy Street. What's the closest a bear's ever come to you? Is that a Davy Street joke? Is that what I just heard there? Oh, very good. There you go. A couple have tried to take me home. There you go.

Absolutely. Absolutely doodly. There you go. A couple have tried to take me home. There you go. Absolutely. Absolutely doodly. You have a girlfriend, boyfriend? Yeah, I got a girlfriend. Girlfriend. How long you been with her? About two and a half years. What does she do for work?

She works at Purdy's. What's Purdy's? It's a chocolate shop. It's a coffee shop? Chocolate. Chocolate shop. Man, a lot of chocolate this episode. This is incredible.

When we're not talking about golden tickets, we're talking about chocolate. Chocolate shop. A lot of chocolate this episode. This is incredible. When we're not talking about golden tickets, we're talking about chocolate. This place has gone fucking Wonka-ville here today. Wow. You ever eat any of her chocolate? You know what I'm talking about? Hello?

Is she a big fat girl? Once or twice? No, she looks pretty good. You guys all want to do it together? One, two, three, trash can. What'd I do this time? Why did you sound like the sugar water guy from Men in Black when you asked him that question?

It's science of the lambs. Anyway, there you go. So Bradley, any special skills or talents or hobbies or anything like that? I race skateboards. You race skateboards? Down like mountains. Wow. My goodness. You ever injure yourself on a skateboard?

Yeah, I have like a crack in my shoulder that won't go away. Jeremiah once broke his entire arm on the first time he ever went down a real ramp. I saw that. Keep at it, just like me in stand-up. All pads, baby. All pads, indeed.

My goodness. So, Bradley, anything crazy about your life that we should know about? I sell bongs for a living. You sell bongs? No, you're literally like the sixth guy up here tonight that sells bongs. True, true, true. Does this whole city run on marijuana You're literally the sixth guy up here tonight that sells bongs. True, true, true.

Does this whole city run on marijuana in munchies? Yes. This is where Brian learns what BC is, everybody. He finally makes the connection after smoking pot for 50 years. Fun times. Well, that's good stuff Bradley fun times tonight congratulations thanks so much for coming on this show you guys want to squeeze one more

yeah let's do a girl thank you we haven't had a girl up tonight so should we get a female up here to bring it home tonight let's see what happens here Cal's a guy.

Mike, okay. How about one name? Begins with an E. You know who it is if you signed up. It's Erica, everybody. At Live It Life. Erica. Here she comes. From right down the middle. This is it.

Your final comedian of the night. Your first female of the night. Come on, Vancouver. Make final comedian of the night. Your first female of the night. Come on, Vancouver. Make some fucking noise for Erica. So if Instagram ceased to exist tomorrow, do you think we'd see a bunch of attention-thirsty people standing on street corners with Polaroids of themselves? They'd sidle up next to you and say something inspirational like, you only miss the shots you don't take or

hashtag live your best life. We'd start to think that the homeless population had increased because we'd see all these people laying on mattresses, but it's really out of work Instagram models trying to sell us a Casper. And then, how's a dude going to slide into my DMs? Are they going to carry around dick pics and then just put it into my pocket?

Whisper in my ear, DTF. That's all I got. That's great. 48 seconds. Setups and punchlines. You did it, Erica. Thanks. That's as good as it could have gone. That's great 48 seconds setups and punchlines you did it Erica that's as good as it could have gone that's great

you've done stand up before right wow look at that wow first time ever doing stand up and she's already the 19th funniest woman in the world everybody so brave incredible She's already the 19th funniest woman in the world, everybody. So brave.

Incredible. Thanks. Congratulations. Not quite Greta, but, you know, you're so brave, Greta. Greta, what do you think about this young lady destroying for her first time ever on stage for 48 seconds? It is good to let the other men in the room know that women can do just as well as him. Wow. So, Erica, is this something you've wanted to do for a while?

Maybe, yeah. Weird answer there. Why? I started listening to Kill Tony back in October. My boyfriend's a huge fan, and then I started to get really interested, and I've always loved comedy. So, yeah, kind of. I love that. I love that. I love that.

Your boyfriend's a big fan. What does he do? Uh, he works for the city. Uh-huh. What do you do? Uh, I am a personal trainer and I also paint houses. Wow. Another house painter up here.

My goodness. Look at that. Very, very interesting. A personal trainer. It looks like you definitely keep up on your squats. You know what I'm talking about? Look at that fucking... Look at that fucking

can-couver you got, huh? You got a little fucking... Thanks. You got a little canuck in the trunk. You know what I'm talking about? You got a little fucking... You got a little Rogers center there there you go thank you brian yes make duck noises with your fucking mouth absolutely very very good what do you like to do for fun any hobbies or special fun facts about you uh i competed

professionally in crossfit for many years that's why I've got this thing. Oh my goodness. CrossFit, that's just like, what is that to you? Professional exercising. Right. Is that with weights? Yeah, sometimes with weights, gymnastics, kettlebells. What kind of gymnastics can you do? Can you show us anything here tonight to bring the whole thing home?

One gymnastics trick? Maybe? Maybe just one little something without fucking hurting yourself I'll try just to let you know JFL Kill Tony and the Vogue Theater is completely unresponsible for anything that could happen at this point of the show

however we are willing to give you a lifetime supply of infinite CBD to heal any wounds that happen to you oh my god to heal any wounds that happen to you. Oh, my God. Wow. Holy shit. That is very impressive.

That is so cool. Erica, you did it all. 1,300 people. You killed. You walked on your hands. You fucking did it. Is there anything else crazy we need to know about you? Sure.

Okay. I once dissected a full human body that is now placinated in a museum. Wow. The human body exhibit? I studied anatomy in Australia and my project was to do a food dissection. You Canadians all have those don't fuck with cats energies about you. I love it, man.

I have a cat. You do? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I also just saw your pussy when you were walking on your hands. That's so stupid. You're welcome.

Hell yeah. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Hell yeah. Thank you so much. How about we make some noise for Erica, everybody? That's Kill Tony. All I know is that that boyfriend of hers that's a Kill Tony fan is going to extra fuck the shit out of her tonight. Is there anything hotter than your girl killing for 48 seconds, dude? Fuck yeah. Guys, we did it. That's tonight's episode of Kill Tony. Unbelievable. We flew here today

for this, for you, for the biggest Kill Tony ever. Did you guys have fun? Look at that. Look at that. Hello. We love you guys so much. We cannot tell you how special this is for us to come up here and have our biggest one of these. We did over 800 tickets at the Commodore Ballroom only like six months ago. 1,300, a record-selling Kill Tony here tonight. So,

from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you, Vancouver, for some crazy reason when the smoke cleared, you became the epicenter of the Kill Tony universe. So, fucking awesome. You guys have absolutely wild

senses of humors and you like your comedy live raw and fucking risky so congratulations and thank you to you thank you to JFL for having us make sure you go to Ridge Wallet use the promo code KILLTONY make sure you go to Infinite CBD use TONY15

so they know that we sent you keep us all happy and being able to do gigs and fucking travel around. How about a hand for the great Greta Thunberg, everyone? She's here saving the world one step at a time. Greta, anything you want to say to these people? Follow me on social media at at JeremiahStandUp, and we have the tour posters that we're doing right now, and I've got some Milkman shirts that I brought with me

that we're going to do right here on stage if you guys are interested. We've got to do it quick, too. Guys, how loud can this place get for the great Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, huh? Huh? An official Ludwig artist, guys. He is mostly sorry on social media. Joel? I love you guys.

Thanks for coming, man. There you go. What is this, your second time in Canada? Third, second time in Vancouver. Thanks for coming out. You've changed my life. Thank you. Second time in Vancouver.

Well, there you go. We did it again. Brian and I have been doing shows here for about eight years. We started headlining me, him, and Tiffany Haddish. Were any of you ever at any of those shows? Just out of curiosity. I know that fucking animal right there was. This guy made me a fucking haunted Native American box earlier.

It's in the green room right now. I opened that thing and a fucking ghost fell out. It's one of those indigenous fucking Kill Tony fans right there. Are you even allowed to listen to the internet? Anyway, I'm gonna be back here again on 420

at the Rogers Center with Joe Rogan and Andrew Santino. Pretend like you enjoy yourself while you see me do stand-up comedy in the middle of a fucking arena on 420. Don't get too stoned, people. Everybody fucks up.

They get too stoned and they eat too many edibles before comedy shows. Don't be those people. Stay alert and aware so that you can actually watch the show. We love you guys so much. Red Band?

Love you guys. Good night, everybody. you guys so much. Red Band? Love you guys. Good night, everybody. Thank you.