KILL TONY - KILL TONY #357

Episode Date: June 7, 2019

Pat Regan, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 06/03/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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There you have every past episode, including video portions to the show. If you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. We're at the Comedy Store every Monday in the main room at the World Famous Comedy Store. And we're on the road. We're about to finish our summer tour. We have a bunch of dates still left. And we're going to be starting on June 7th in Lawrence, Kansas. Then we're in Omaha, Des Moines, Appleton, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis, Poughkeepsie, New York

and we finish in Brooklyn at the Skank Fest. If you want tickets go to DeathSquad.TV and click on tour dates Also, Ryan J. Ebelt the house artist, he has a website, he draws all the posters, go to RyanJEbelt.com Tony Hinchcliffe has

his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com there you can follow everything Golden Pony. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you have a couple of the Kill Tony t-shirts left, a bunch of Death Squad hats and shirts and mugs. Go to ShopSquad.tv. And now here's

a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the road. Famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow, it feels good every time. Make some noise. We're here at the Comedy Store. Brian Redband's here. Hey.

The great Ryan J. E. Belt drawing tonight's episode. Already hard at work. This is a very, very, very exciting time for the State of Kill Tony. And how'd you guys like that video, huh? Little Reagan and Watkins video. The big album comes out Friday. We're very excited. And we go on the road Friday.

Jeremiah's not even going to have any time to soak it in because we're going to his hometown of Lawrence, Kansas on Friday. And then the next night in Omaha, Nebraska, Des Moines, Iowa on Sunday. We come back just for Monday's episode with Jeffrey Ross and special surprises. And then we go back the next day, Appleton, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis. And then we come back for another whole three days until we go back to New York, New York, Poughkeepsie, New York, and then two shows at the Gramercy Theater. Tickets still available for that second show.

It's very important that people in New York buy those tickets to the second show at the Gramercy Theater. That's going to be a lot of fun. But I think it will sell out anyway because I think people from the first show will just stay over for the second show, not even realizing that there's a second show. So it will work out. Anyway, drink your Caveman coffee. Go to cavemancoffeeco.com. Use the promo code KILLTONY. Save

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We'll have a bunch more, a couple more new announcements next week that we're excited about. It's going to be a lot of fun. And so let's get into tonight's show, shall we? Here we are. We're live. Hello to the hundreds, perhaps thousands, watching on YouTube live right now. This is a big episode for us. We've gone through a lot of

evolution on this show. You know, it started with a robot named the Iron Patriot. He was the head of security for the first, you know, 70 episodes or something like that, maybe less than that. I don't know. And then we switched over to having a band and it started with just Pat Reagan and then Pat Reagan brought in a young buck named Jeremiah Watkins, and they started a band together, and it's just amazing. Their album comes out Friday, self-titled album, and they're here tonight as guests on the panel on this show. I give to you the only two band leaders in this show's history. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Reagan and Watkins here they are it's a real family vibe we love them

there he is Pat Reagan is back Jeremiah Watkins in the flesh no characters necessary no Mr. Fumnar no Shanks no none of it yes and I'm very excited that you guys

are here and I'm excited about the album coming out on Friday. You can pre-order it right now at Reagan and Watkins dot com. How you guys feel? Good? I feel great. How's everybody doing out there? This is exciting. There's a party going on June 6th. The album release party live here

in the main room of the Comedy Store. Yeah, we're going to be doing some music and there's going to be some stand-up sets from Red Band, Tony, Joel Jimenez, our buddy Josh Wolfe, and some surprise guests. And as a special treat for the Kill Tony listeners, the diehards that came out tonight, if you grab one of these from us after the show,

we will give you free entry on Thursday to the show. So it's a way to thank everybody for supporting us over the years. Look at that. So if you're in town on Thursday, grab one of these after the show, and now you have something to do on Thursday. Get to hang out at the comedy store and fucking rock and roll. Watch some stand-up comedy. And if you signed up for Speedweed's thing out in the lobby,

he's giving away $500 worth of marijuana and a $500 gift card to anyone that signed up. One lucky person. If you walked by that iPad in the lobby, you fucked up because you could have been in the running for about $1,000 worth of free marijuana. And these are worth $20. So there you go, guys. Wow, we're just giving away a bunch of free stuff. Should have started with the Speedweed and then worked our way back.

Now, I'm glad you guys are here because you guys both definitely know that there's a band on this show because you two happen to be the only two band leaders that there's ever been. Pat Reagan's here, everybody, the original. I missed you, Pat. It's good seeing you, buddy. Last time I listened to a Pat Reagan album, I fell in love with him and gave him full creative control on the other side of the stage to start a band and he brought in Jeremiah

and Joel. A lot of people may not realize that was all Pat Reagan's design. How you doing, Pat? Did you prepare something for tonight? You have something written there? You ever go to the gas station and the attendant's on fucking acid? It's like, see you

in heaven, dude. Hell yeah, dude. As smooth as it gets, and it has begun. So you guys know that there's a band because you started it, and they're here tonight, and I believe that we have a full

band tonight. Perhaps the band that helped you guys out on the new Reagan and Watkins album. Maybe some surprise members. I love it. Ladies and gentlemen, every single week, and they're characters, of course, right? Yeah, they're committing tonight. I love it. So in character, every single

episode, the band stays in character. At least they try their hardest. You never know what they're going to be or what they're going to do. Tonight, it's Joel Berg leading the band. So let's see what happens. Ladies and gentlemen, it is the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Chroma Chris, Nick.

Liberatore and Joel Rakowski. Joel Rakowski, yes. Here we go. Whoa. Mechanics. Very clearly. Oh, my God. That is frightening.

Hey, look at these guys. Wow. The crowd loses their minds at the sight of these mechanics. How are you? I didn't realize Mario was a mechanic. This is incredible. Hey, Tony. My name is Jim.

Very lackluster reaction from the crowd. We're going to fix that. Yeah. I like that. You said Chip. Jim. Jim. Jim.

Jim. Thank you, Jeremiah. There you go. Jim. And next to you, clearly, we have Courtney Love is a mechanic. Hello, Tony. My name is Liam Nissan. Liam Nissan?

I have a very particular set of skills. Wow. I can already tell. This is my favorite Chroma Chris character instantly. I love it. That's what JonBenet looked like after that rough morning. And then back here we have clearly some guys that look like actual mechanics back here. Just real mechanics.

Hey, I'm Ricky Trans back here. Ricky Trans. All right. And what's your name, young buck? Hey, I'm Tamika Sanchez Littlefeather. Oh, okay. You got it. Tamika Sanchez.

I love how this episode's starting out. All right. Well, Jeremiah loves it. Tamika Sanchez. I love how this episode's starting out. All right. Well, Jeremiah loves it. So that's like a super delegate or something like that. It counts for more votes. Did it start off bad? We can replace it. It's going to cost you.

No, I love it. We got the mechanics. We have Reagan and Watkins. Everything is in position. I have this bucket of destiny right here, and that means that we are seconds away from starting. A bunch of people signed up for the show before the show for the opportunity to get 60 uninterrupted seconds on this stage

and then get interviewed by this whole panel of wacky, wacky characters up here. If you know your time's up and you hear the sound of a kitten, that means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There you go.

That's it. You guys ready to start this thing or what? It's live. Kill Tony, the comedy store, on a Monday. No one has more fun on a Monday than us. That's the only rule. You guys excited? You ready to get this thing fucking started?

Alright. Here we go. Your first comedian going up tonight, getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds, goes by the name of Jared Long. Here we go. Jared Long. From the audience. Here we go. Jared Long. From the audience. Here we go. Wow.

Band upgrade. It's exciting. It's no surprise to me. I am my own worst enemy. Cause every now and then I kick the lip and shit out of me. One more time for Jared Long everybody. Hi guys. You may have noticed I have a cold sore. One more time for Jared Long, everybody. Okay.

Hi, guys. You may have noticed I have a cold sore. It's really gross. So the thing that really sucks about these is that everyone that looks at you immediately thinks of the thousand dicks you just finished sucking. So it's not fun. Including my girlfriend, actually, funny enough, who's sitting over there if you want to show it there.

So when you try and explain it, it literally gets worse because then, you know, I'm saying this. I'm like, oh, yeah, I've had them since I was a baby. No, wait, hold on. No, no, no, my dad gave them to me. Oh, shit, hold on. That's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is there's other ways to get herpes

besides sucking dick, all right? Yeah. Thanks. So, is it just me or is Trump about to go for a twofer? Like, he's really going to get two? He came out of nowhere. And now he's going to be out here for eight fucking years. So, I feel like as a community, we forgot to go home after work. Fuck yeah, Jared Long.

Heck yeah. Where's this cold sore at? Let's talk about it. Oh, yeah, right there. Look at you, you dirty bitch. You want my guys to take a look at it? Wow, yeah, look under the hood there. Dave Deary, can we get a wet rag and some soap to the stage, please?

Yes, we say wet rag and soap will cleanse the stage of your cold sore. Actually, lemon zing that you need. What's that? Lemon zing. Lemon. Okay. Gotcha. Very good.

All right. He looks like if Jared Leto had herpes. It's true. It's true. It's true. You have everything else going for you except for that big fucking cold sore right in the corner of your mouth. And that ponytail.

I don't think anybody thinks you sucked a thousand dicks to get your cold sore. I think your set sucked a thousand dicks. Maybe a thousand and one. First time doing stand-up? Wow, look at that. I don't know if you know this, Jared, but this is a crazy place to start

stand-up comedy. That set's gonna live on the internet forever. It's never gonna go away, just like your herpes. I've been watching since the Patriot was here. Very good. I love it that you talk over my punchlines too. Not only do you not have them, but you cancel out other people's punchlines at the same time. You're like, if I'm not funny, nobody's going to be funny.

So, Jared, tell us about you. Where are you from? Riverside. You look like you're from Riverside, so that's perfect. You look like you live by an actual riverside. And this is your first time doing stand-up. How old are you? 25. 25. So how did you actually get the herpes? Let's talk about it. Tell the truth. And it's your first time doing stand-up How old are you? 25 So how did you actually get the herpes? Let's talk about it, tell the truth

How old is the herpes? I sincerely hope my parents are telling the truth And that they're 25 years old And that I've had them since I was born So your parents told you that you've had herpes your whole life? Yes Sometimes when your mom has herpes and she gives birth The herpes from her

vagina gets on your face. I heard that's why it's literally my dad. So Dr. Red Band is in the house tonight. All right. OK, well, Red Band, I don't know what that was an attempt at that weird noise. But so your parents told you that you've had cold sores your whole life. Yes. And so my biological dad had them and my stepdad also has them. My mom somehow still doesn't.

I got bad news for you, buddy. I think that you are in denial and your mom has full-blown fucking herpes. In fact, I'm positive of it. You think those guys are using condoms

on your mom? No, they got these ones and I don't think they're the same thing. This is a family with matching cold sores. I love it. Stop touching it. I'm out. This guy looks like the guy in the herpes commercial that's climbing a rock, and he looks over and he's like,

do you suffer from genital herpes? Because I sure as hell do. So does your girlfriend have them? No. You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth? Not for the last three days. So when you have an outbreak, you guys just go cold turkey.

On the cheek. Thank goodness you can't get cold sores on your cheek. Your girlfriend's got cheek herpes. The butt cheek. Jared, what do you do for work? I work at a staffing agency. A staff agency.

Staffing. You have all kinds of infections, huh? My God. Who are you staffing? The dumbest people in Ontario. Really? Yes, sir. Like what types of jobs?

Warehouses. Toys R Us used to be one. You ever see a job come in and you're like, wow, this job's better than my job. Maybe I should just take this job. Many times, yeah. No, my girlfriend almost stopped working there for another client.

She was like, fuck this, I'm out. I'm gonna go work for one of the people that work for us. Wait, you work with your girlfriend? That's where we met. Is that where you guys met there? So did this start as a romantic office relationship? I would look at her ass at work and she finally caught me. guys met there? So did this start as a romantic office relationship? I would look at her ass at work

and she finally caught me. Dude, and that's when I knew. It's been three years, so it worked out well. I mean... You're just a creepy guy with herpes looking at my ass. He works at a herpes warehouse. You're not going to like the way you look. So how long...

How did you end up hanging out? Did you guys go after work for drinks or what happened? I actually invited her to a Bill Burr show. Oh, well, that's a way to get all the pussies wet. Listen to Bill Burr talk about how fucking women suck, you fucking idiots.

All they do is fucking nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. That's a way to fucking get them all worked up So what happened? You went, you saw Bill Burr And then what happened? So we went to a bar afterwards And we got drunk I told her to come dance with me

And she kissed me instead Because she didn't want to leave the bar Right, little did she know That was the most dangerous move she could have made She wanted to embarrass herself Just keep kissing those fucking leaky lips of yours. I was I didn't ask her out when I had a cold sore. No, I know. I know you don't fucking do that. Nobody does that right. Nobody has nobody has asked a girl out with cold sore confidence.

Hey, you want to go out of me or what? You got to just leave with a certain side of the face, and they'll never notice. Jared, tell us something interesting about you. Any fun hobbies, anything like that? You good at anything? Paintball. Paintball?

Really? Yeah. That's actually a thing that you really do? I've gone to more than one tournament. I've suggested that perhaps as many people's hobbies, but nobody's ever admitted that that's the thing. I got really excited when Be Real on Joe's podcast, if anybody. He plays professional paintball.

Wow. You ever get a cold sore and shoot yourself in the face with a paintball gun? I get them from playing paintball. You legitimately will Lachelle fuck up your lip, and then you'll get a cold sore later. How big's your hopper, bro? I got the biggest hopper, bro? Yeah. I got the biggest hopper, bro.

It's automatic, too. Wow. So you heard you listen to podcasts, and then you're like, I'm going to come and do stand-up for the first time on Kill Tony. Can you explain your thought process? I really wanted to embarrass myself, and I knew I wouldn't be the least funny and most crazy. How long have you wanted to do stand-up? Probably five, six years.

Since I figured out I wouldn't be able to do a regular job. And I like to think I'm funny. Well, one thing about your set that I found interesting. He wasn't funny, right? He took notes during this. You said that when you try to explain it It literally gets worse And then you did try to explain it And it did get worse

I was right then Alright well Jared You know there's been There's been a lot of demand In the comedy world It's been a lot of demand in the comedy world. Look at Teddy Rager right there. There's been a lot of demand in the comedy world for a medium Jay Oakerson, and I think you fit the profile perfectly.

And you got the show started tonight, so we appreciate you. There he goes, Jared Long, everybody. Hey! It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy Cause every now and then I beat the living shit out of me Fuck yeah.

Nailed the timing there. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for your next comedian. Mark Henderson, everyone. Mark Henderson. Here he comes. Here we go. One more time for Mark Henderson.

What's up, tall people? So my very first helicopter ride, and it was real cool, because my helicopter pilot was black. That made me proud, because you don't see that all the time. Only thing was, like 15 minutes into our flight, a police helicopter pulled us over. I guess two black people in a helicopter look suspicious.

So I had to call Uber helicopter to get home. So I had to call Uber helicopter to get home. Worry about me, man, I got trust issues. I don't trust anybody. Like, I don't even trust funeral homes. One tried to rip me off a little while back. Tried to charge me full price for a cremation, and the person that died, died in the fire. Like, how you gonna charge me full of pricing y'all just reheating him?

I ain't gonna have enough time for another one, so. There you go. 58 seconds from Mark Henderson. Hell yeah, Mark. Welcome back. You've been on this show before? Yes, sir. What do we find out about you with the other back. You've been on this show before? Yes, sir. What do we find out about you with the other times you've been on?

What has been most of our topic of conversation? I came to L.A. and it's hard to get on stage. Oh, I remember now. That's right. You're just sort of like mad and shit. How does it feel to have herpes now? There you go. You've got herpes now.

I said, watch me be the next person. I know I'm going to be the next person. That's right. His girlfriend didn't get it, so I'm sure I'm good. All right. Well, there you go. Go to forhims.com. Clear it up right away.

So, Mark, how long you been doing stand-up? A little bit over 15 years. 15 years. Wow. That is incredible. And remind us of where you have been doing it. A little bit over 15 years. 15 years. Wow. That is incredible. And remind us of where you have been doing it. From Chicago, but I was on tour with, like, Lil Rel, Deon Cole, Adele Givens, Rodman.

So I toured with a lot of cats. A lot of cats, but not Cat Williams. Not Cat Williams. Almost. I'm sure almost. You ever meet Cat Williams? Haven't met him yet. Yeah. He's an interesting character. Sort of I'm sure almost. You ever meet Cat Williams? Haven't met him yet. He's an interesting character.

Sort of like a tough guy. He's a real little fucking alpha. Anyway. Did you and Cat Williams butt heads? Actually, it's funny you put it that way. We actually bumped shoulders once. He made a weird line right at me once when I

was a door guy here and gave me the old fucking like hard shoulder. I was like, all right. I mean, excuse me, Bobo. Yeah, exactly. If that's what, I mean, that's just how he, you know, he was trying to get in my head. You know, I was just a peasant door guy at the time, but he knew, he knew that eventually I'd be one of the top young rising comedians in the world. And he was threatened by my, you know, just my confidence and composure as a door guy. I was a happy guy back then. Confident.

You think that Cat Williams was thinking all this when he accidentally bumped you in the shoulder? No, no, I don't. I was just being silly for comedic effect. So, Mark, welcome back. I'm excited that you're here. How do you make money while supplementing your income

not getting on stage? I go on the road a lot. I got a couple of tracks on Sirius XM radio. Cool. You go on the road. You book yourself. How does that work? I'm touring with different comics.

I'm on the road with Dion or Robin. So they still take you out a lot. Not a lot, but here and there. I wish it was more. What are some of your favorite cities, favorite things to do? What part of the country do you like? I love Chicago, born and raised. I love it.

The Apollo 13 is big fans of Chicago. Love Atlanta as well. Used to live in Atlanta for a while. Atlanta, Chicago. These are all my favorite cities for first 48. Atlanta, Chicago. Where else?

I don't really mess with St. Louis. Oh, shit. Don't start a gang war here. It says here that your entire family was in the Holocaust on the side of the Nazis. Do you have any comments on that?

He's got notes. I don't even know how to respond to that. Is there truth to this? I think I'm Jewish. No, the Jewish was the other side in the Holocaust. It often gets confused. Which team was which in the

big battle of the Holocaust? People always feel so bad for the Germans after that. Yeah, the Jews were the bad guys in the Holocaust. I noticed you had a rag in your back pocket. Do you have any mechanic skills? Or are you just stealing props from the band?

Inspiring mechanic. Do you know how to fix a car? Absolutely not. He hit it right now. Is that just because you're sweaty? Yeah, that's like a sweat towel. So if I'm sweaty, I wipe off sweat. I would be using it as a herpes towel tonight.

I think a sweat towel is not really necessary during a 60-second set. That'd be pretty impressive. I expect that from a fat person, but not you, Mark Henderson. What do you use that towel for? Is it like just wiping your head off? Weird. Never have done that. Never had a towel.

Never had a handkerchief. Do you use it to sneeze or no? Just to wipe off sweat. Yeah, you wouldn't use your head wiping towel as a sneeze towel as well. Are you a sweaty guy? You just sweat a lot? No, just when it's hot, I'll sweat. All right.

I like that. I mean, a sweat towel with a hoodie, sort of contradictory, right? Maybe not wear the hoodie. He's like wearing a parka. Instead of taking the hoodie off, just fucking rock the sweat towel. Do you ever say anything when you're wiping your head off? Like, Lord have mercy or something like that?

Oh my God. Red band. Red band. Red band. Red band. Two of the Apollo 13 members just walked out right then, Red Band. Two of them died from laughter. All right.

Well, what else, Mark? You do anything for fun? What's your version of paintball? What's your, what do you do to take your mind off of? I'm from Chicago. Used to love Game of Thrones, but the last episode was terrible. Really? You really think that?

Yeah, it was absolutely terrible. Do you really think the last episode... Now tell me why you think that. This is interesting, because we've never gotten to talk about this show on this show. We should ask the audience and have them... I haven't seen it yet. Be careful what you say. Yeah. Spoiler alert.

Idiots, it was four weeks ago. It was the most watched show of all time. I'm a mechanic. I got a humble income. I just got HBO Now. Free trial. What was it that you hated the most? Was there a part that stood out to you that you disliked? Just curious as to what

your answer is. I didn't like that a lot of people didn't die in the last episode. Why? They gotta be White Walkers? Okay. Troll. Jim. Come on. Why they gotta be White Walkers? So you wanted more people to die in the last

episode. The grand finale. That's what this show does. It kills people. But they killed so many people throughout the entire season. But the way that the two... The main character that everybody thought was supposed to sit on the throne in the end dies in that episode. That meant

nothing to you? Like the person that was truly supposed to, that everything looked like it was going to go their way gets killed, not only by anyone but by the one that she was supposed to fucking be with and the last one you thought would betray her.

Yeah, the two most annoying characters on the show. All right, all right. We're not going to get into our opinions about the characters on the show. You know what they did when they burned down the throne of the show? Yeah. They symbolically burned down the show.

They were symbolically destroying the show, what they created. The first half of the episode was Tyrion walking. I know. We went off on a tangent here. Can we just admit that because there's been so much Game of Thrones talk, there is a sleeping train conductor in the front row. Yes, that's what put him to sleep.

He literally nodded off and was like, oh. I think he's just tired, this guy. I don't think it has anything to do with the Game of Thrones talk. He was all aboard. Oh, wow. They're just giving it away tonight. Look at that. It's going to cost you extra. All right, Mark. Good job, wow. They're just giving it away tonight. Look at that. It's going to cost you extra.

All right, Mark. Well, yeah, 15 years in the game. I love that you sign up for this show. It's always fun chatting with you. It's always fun to see. We had one guy who was there first time, and he got you doing it 15 years. That's the wide range that we're in for tonight. How about another hand for Mark Henderson, everyone?

Step back from that ledge, my friend, we could cut ties with all the lives that you've been living in. I just don't like it when people say that they didn't like Game of Thrones. It's a bunch of idiots. It's a bunch of idiots that have never written anything in their entire lives. You liked it? You liked the finale?

Oh, absolutely. I loved the entire show. Who liked the finale of Game of Thrones? Who didn't like it? You liked the finale? Oh, absolutely. Who liked the finale of Game of Thrones? Who didn't like it? There you go. About 50-50. A bunch of people that have been fed shit over the internet that think their opinion matters. Tony, real quick. That last guy, his airplane joke was great.

Okay. Perfect time to say that right now. Nailed it. If you have any other notes for any of the other people that have been up, now's the time. I know the Game of Thrones thing really threw you if you didn't notice that the band just played Jumper by Third Eye Blind. Well, all right, let's just keep the show moving along

and let's keep moving forward instead of backwards. It's like Brennan Stark was a jumper. All right. And again, we're keeping the show moving forward. I have a band idea. All right. Okay, here we go. It's Brian Redband and Tony Hinchcliffe, and it's called Redband and Hinchcliffe.

Oops, I farted. Fuck, yeah. Make sure you buy that fucking album right now, guys. Reagan and Watkins. ReaganandWatkins.com. Pulled another name out of the bucket, and put your hands together for your next comedian. It's Julian Aguilar, everybody.

So what you want, what you want. A mythical creature. What you want, what you want. One of the luckiest people in Kill Tony history. Wow. Here he is, Julian Aguilar, everyone. What's up, fuckers? How y'all doing? I'm broke as fuck, and I'm the type of guy that when I get an order of french fries, I'll break them in half just so I can have more.

I went to get a facial the other day and some guy came on my face. Not the facial I wanted. My grandma is blind. My grandma is blind. Which means my grandpa gets his dick sucked by a blind chick. Which means you guys are basic. Before I get out of here, I just want to say, fuck you, Kanye West.

You look like what comes out of my cat's ass when she takes a shit. Wait a second. Wait a second. Hold on a second here. Oh, God. You don't know what you just did. Oh, my God. What's happening here?

People are attacking Trump, Kanye, Game of Thrones All my favorite things are being burned down Get your leg off the table The fuck are you doing Julian Aguilar Jesus Christ I thought he was a mechanic For those of you that are fans of the show You may recognize Julian He's one of the luckiest people to ever be inside of the bucket

He gets pulled Way more than The odds are in his favor somehow. And he always starts every set sort of good, and then in the end always says something extremely racist for no reason. And tonight you did not disappoint. You basically said, Kanye looks like shit. Pretty much that's the shortened version. We got rid of all the extra words. You said he looks like shit. Pretty much that's the shortened version. We got rid of all the extra words.

You said he looks like poop. Can you explain yourself a little bit? You're not a fan of hip-hop? No, I just don't like Kanye. So you like hip-hop. I like hip-hop. You listen to it. He's like, I like the music, just not the skin color.

I don't know. Yeah, so you're saying you just don't like Kanye's music? Yeah, I've just never been a fan of him. There's something about him. How'd you feel about the last episode of Game of Thrones? Yeah, let's ask the audience. So, Julian, let's talk about it. It's been a while since you've been on.

Is your grandma really blind? She is blind. She lost her vision from diabetes. Oh, fuck yeah. But she can still suck that grandpa's dick. What up? Hey! She might have diabetes,

but she can't get enough of that sweet, sweet grandpa dick. Y'all basic. So you're saying she's never had to actually see one of your sets? That's Chroma Chris. Liam Neeson over there with a three-point shot. He's got a very particular set of skills killing. All right. So Julian, how long have you been doing stand-up?

It's an year and what? June now, six months. Very good and June now okay good never do the facial thing again you don't have to do that I wanted to get a facial so a dude came on my face like it's like that was I literally said you had me when you said I wanted to get a facial I verbally caught

myself saying oh no and then you went exactly where the oh, no. Like, you followed right through. So a dude came on my face, and then you're like, on to the next one. Yeah. Like, it was way too casual. A facial is a facial.

Like, that's the first thing anybody thinks of. You got to do something else. Like, I wanted to get a facial the other day, but, you know, fucking. Did you learn that on the playground? Like, where did you hear it? Like, that seems like a kid's joke, you know. No. I hang out at the playground, but, you know, fucking... Did you learn that on the playground? Like, where did you hear it? That seems like a kid's joke, you know. I hang out at the playground, but...

Yeah, I bet you do, getting that tight post. Anyway, I've never seen anybody actually use the last two dots on a hat before. No, yo. That's a fucking Jolbert joke right there. That hat is wrapped around your skull. I didn't even notice that. Look at that.

What do you got, a little fucking extender on that? Do you have a little combination lock in the back so that it stays there? No, no. Look at you, you tiny-headed fuck. There's comedians that have been here tonight that have cold sores bigger than your head. It's incredible. What's it like to have herpes now? Okay, Red Bandit, really, like, I mean, I don't know how many times you think that's gonna work, but

it wasn't even once. So, Julian, how old are you? 22. 22. Look at you, you little fucking baby bird. He looks like a Boy Scout that got community service in Compton. I'm one of you,

I promise. So, 22 years old, what are we talking about? What are you doing? You live with your grandparents, right? No, my uncle. Oh, you live with your uncle. Yeah, no, I just, my grandma's just blind. Yeah, your grandma's blind. You can't live with her. Your uncle's like,

hey, who keeps changing the size of my hat? What does your uncle do? He's, uh, He works on doors. He's a welder. He's a welder. Yeah. Hell yeah.

And so what do you do? Me? How do you contribute? I was working at a donut shop, but I got fired. Yeah? What'd you get fired for? I don't know. Well, I think...

Fucking the holes. That's my boy Patty Ringer right there. Oh my. So what'd you get fired for? No, no, no. It turns out you can't sample while you work. It's crazy.

They just laid me off. They didn't need me no more. They It turns out you can't sample while you work. It's crazy. I don't know. They just laid me off. They didn't need me no more. They didn't need you anymore. What the fuck are we talking about here? Were you good at the job? Was it a famous donut place or was it like a personal, privately owned family?

It was like a family owned. Yeah. And how long did you work there for three or four months what's your favorite donut we knew it so you worked at a donut place for a few months how long has it been since you lost that job February so what do you do for like extra money when you want to go out and fucking... I skateboard, so I'll film skaters for two bucks

for a little clip or something. Really? Two bucks. Two bucks. You do two dollars and you film a clip? You need a clip, fool? Two bucks, eh? I'll hook it up, eh? Jesus, two bucks? Sitting in the sun for four hours, getting one clip. I don't care.

Hey, dude. I got a soda for a dollar. Hey, do a kickflip, fool. I'm going to capture that shit, eh? We got it, fool. Send it to my grandma, fool. She likes it, eh? Look at my hat.

It's tiny. You skateboard a lot? You ever jump over your blind grandma before? No, no, no. That'd be a cool trick, dude. It's never been done before. She, no, no. That'd be a cool trick, dude. It's never been done before. She's like, it's windy today.

Hey, yo, shut up, grandma. Just lay there. What's going on? What would your grandma say if she was in the room and she heard those jokes about her? She don't understand English that well. Really? Man. Well, you don't speak it that well, so that's all right. She's got all the disabilities. She's blind.

She can't speak English. She's brown. Maybe we should call your grandma right now and have Joelberg translate it. All right. You guys want to? You have her number? Yeah, I'll call her. Let's call your blind grandma right now. You're going to admit to her

that you did jokes about her tonight. Oh, wait. He're going to admit to her that you did jokes about her tonight. Oh, wait. He's going to translate, right? Yeah. Joel, how do you say that she sucks dick in Spanish? She sucks the grandpa's dick. Chupa verga.

Wow, look at that. You make it sound amazing. Not chupacabra. Chupaaverga. That's explaining it to Croma. Liam Neeson finding out for the next time he travels abroad. This is very exciting. I see. He's finding his grandmother's phone number.

Are you going to put it on speaker? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, shh. All right. So it's ringing. There you go. With different rings. How does she know if she right. So it's ringing. There you go. With different rings. How does she know if she's sleeping?

She's blind. It's on the dream. Is anything happening? I don't know. You don't know? Man, you need to get a job. Pay your phone bill, dude. His phone's just off.

Try to FaceTime her. Oh, wait. Sorry. Wait, wait, wait. Is she picking up? Is it on speaker? No, it's not. Put it on speaker phone. It is on speaker.

She's like, come on. Turn it up. Hola, mijo. Hello? Hola. I thought it was really her. He really thought for a second. I really did. What the hell's wrong with you?

Where's your volume at? She's like, I'm sleeping, I think. I can't tell, but I think I'm sleeping. All right. It doesn't matter. She hung up on you. It's too confusing for her. She's clear.

I don't want to. I mean, maybe I should have thought about this better because she doesn't know. She doesn't know where the fuck her phone is right now. Your grandma just answered the iron trying to get to a phone call. Did somebody say FaceTimer as if it mattered? All right, last thing we need to do is be looking down at her kitchen floor while talking to her. All right, Julian, man, you are lucky as hell. And I'm going to tell you something.

A lot of people, I can tell, a lot of people don't like you, right? I can tell that, and I get that. can tell a lot of people don't like you, right? I can tell that and I get that. But one thing that you are doing that I love is you are definitely not only walking up to the line, you're clearly going over it at times. The only thing I would say is lose the easy jokes. If you're going to, you know, talk about shit like that, and I loved the blind grandma sucking dick joke. The way you did it, the way you delivered it, it was fun and adorable. And I even, you know, I don't even mind

the racial stuff because eventually you're going to dial that in to where it actually gets laughs instead of like shrieks and groans. And you're working at it. You're 22 and you're going to be just fine, dude. Tony. Yeah, Patty Reagan. Can I give you some advice?

Yeah, what's up? Because you're funny and you're ballsy and you're confident. Yeah, what's up? If you want to really be funny, work harder. All right. That's true. That's good advice. There he goes.

Julian Aguilar, everybody. Gives a little peace sign at the end of his set. Guy's got swagger. Jeez. Hell yeah. How about a hand for this band tonight, huh? Yeah. Feels good in here.

Sounds amazing. Some real fucking rock and roll shit going on in here tonight. Full Reagan and Watkins band in the house. Heck yeah. All right. This looks like a new name. Put your hands together for Johnny Lee, everyone. Heck yeah. All right. This looks like a new name. Put your hands together for Johnny Lee, everyone. Johnny Lee.

Here we go. No. Oh, wow. Look at that. Oh, wow. No Johnny Lee. It's okay. We're going to keep it moving along. Blacklisted. Look at that. Oh, wow. No Johnny Lee. It's okay. We're going to keep it moving along.

Another name in the bucket. There you go. Sure. Yep. All right. How about a hand for Anthony Cardoza, everyone? Anthony. Has he lost his mind?

Can he see? Or is he blind? Running as fast as they can. Iron Man wins again. I'm here in Cardoza, everyone. Holy shit. How's it going, guys? Thanks for, or it's an honor to be here.

I'm a little frazzled. I actually just came from a funeral. It was really weird. It was open casket, which is like a real, you know, kind of mind fuck. So I walked up and up I looked down there's like a wig and Rouge and lipstick and a dress and high heels I mean I don't know about you guys but I don't want to remember my father that way my girlfriend she said she was constipated I said what no shit little constipation humor for you guys right there. I'm a lover, not a fighter,

which is fine unless you go to prison. I caught my roommates beating cheeks. Gets annoying. You gotta listen to it. So to get back at them, I videotaped them and masturbated to it, that'll show them. So I got thanks a lot, guys. My name is Anthony Cardoza. Hell yeah. Anthony Cardoza. Fuck yeah. How are you, man? Exciting time. This is your first time on the show, correct? Yes. Heck yeah. And you are a what?

A former amateur boxer? Yes. I can tell by the nose. Yes, sir. Is that true? Yes. Wow. Look at that.

God, am I good sometimes. Yes, I can tell by your blatantly broken nose. Artie Lang style. I got a big nose and my parents were like, yeah, let's put him in combat sports. So it didn't work out too well. Fuck yeah. How long has it been since your last boxing match? A year.

Wow. A little less than a year. Are you out of the game now? You know what? I had a big problem with alcohol and drugs. So I kind of took some time to get my shit straight and I want to go out the way I want to go out. So I want to do a couple more. I love it. So now you're sober. Yeah. Wow. Congratulations.

How long has that been for? I mean, I'll want to do a couple more. I love it. So now you're sober. Yeah. Wow. Congratulations. How long has that been for? I mean, I'll have little hiccups. I'll try a beer, but I haven't done drugs in a couple years, and I haven't drank what kind of drugs? Yeah, I did a little bit of blow, and then I like to pop pills. Did you ever fight high on stuff?

Well, no. I was always really disciplined, and then when I would actually after the fight, then we'd get all fucked up. Yeah. And then it turned to where I just wasn't fighting anymore. That's what Mike Tyson said, too. Yeah. He used to party after the fights.

Yep. After the blows, you need some blow. Exactly. Thank you. I love you. Kill the rest of the brain cells. So is stand-up something you've always wanted to do? Yeah.

I mean, I went to a bunch of, well – I wanted my first time to be on Kill Tony. Right. So, yeah, I've been thinking about it since like eighth grade. Wow. 32. They're thinking about Kill Tony since eighth grade? No, just like, dude, stand up. So that means Kill Tony is how old, Jeremy?

Yeah, it's 34 years old. Wow. Was it everything you hoped it would be? Yeah, this is awesome. I geek out. I come to the – you know, I'll see you guys, and I'm like, oh, hey, what's up, guys? You know, I saw you driving. to the the you know i'll see you guys and i'm like oh hey what's up guys or you know i saw you driving that's the that's the blow i'll tell you this i had uh i really love the way that uh your brain works i liked the uh constipation joke and the lover not a fighter joke and even the uh the funeral open casket joke a little bit of a you

know silly misdirect but did you use your dad really dead yeah yeah but he wasn't really buried like that right no no no how long ago did your dad die a few years ago yeah how'd that happen well man I like it's been kind of a crazy ride I love it let's talk about it all right well basically for my immediate family it's me and my brother that are still alive Wow yeah we lost our parents grandparents raised us they adopted us we lost a sister so it's me and my brother that are still alive. Wow. Yeah, we lost our parents. Grandparents raised us. They adopted us. We lost a sister. So it's been like a lot of crazy shit, a lot of drugs, a lot of... Jesus, how

does everybody die? What do you have, Julian Aguilar's grandma driving them around or something? She's blind. No, just like some cancer, some fucked up shit like that. My sister's not dead. They just lost her. Yeah. Wow. My goodness lost her. Yeah.

Wow. My goodness. And Mike, wow. So what do you do for work? Actually, I just quit my job a couple weeks ago. But I was coaching at Boxing Works. Woo, shout out. Uh-huh.

You quit that job? Yeah, I quit that job. My coach is really great. He supported me a lot. We're going through all the shit that I went through and stuff like that. But it just stressed me the fuck out all the time. Right. Where are you from? I actually through and stuff like that. But it just stressed me the fuck out all the time. Right. Where are you from? I actually live in Altadena.

Altadena. So what are you going to do now that you quit your job? What's the plan? I just kind of want to focus on trying to do stand-up and kind of just get back into fighting and training rather than just putting my energy into other people and stuff like that a little bit, I guess. Interesting. Interesting. And what's your record?

I have 16 fights. A criminal record. A criminal record. I got misdemeanors, a couple charges. I'm 11 and 5. Wow, that's pretty good. Would you mind showing us perhaps a little bit of your shadowboxing

skills? Would you be willing to put the mic in a mic stand and show us a little bit? Here your shadow boxing skills. Would you be willing to put the mic in a mic stand, show us a little bit? Here he is. Anthony Cardoza here to show off a little bit of a... Wow, look at this. Oh, shit. Wow.

There you go, Anthony Cardoza. Wow. So you... My goodness. You did Muay Thai, not just boxing. I specialized in Muay Thai. I fought MMA, boxing, but I specialized in Muay Thai. Are you single?

Yeah, I actually just... I'm asking for a friend. It's me. My girlfriend broke up with me like a week ago. Damn, fool. I'm single too, eh? Did you say your girlfriend broke up with you? Yeah, yeah.

Is that true? Yeah, so I got to fix that joke. Wow, no, that's fine. How long were you with her for? Two years. Two years. 12 rounds. Why did she break up with you?

She went through a lot with me when I was doing drugs and the whole fight game and shit like that. I don't know. I think I just um I had kind of like I would undermine her feelings and emotions a little bit uh-huh she would have a problem maybe I wouldn't address it as much as I should over some shit so like yeah so she would come home from work with something she's like ah you know something's bugging me at work and what would, like, your response be? No, I'm listening to it. So she'd be like,

she'd be like, she would say like, baby, we need to have a talk. Can you turn off the game? And so then you'd go like... You just punch her? No, no, nothing like that. Never. She's like she she's like honey i like i i need to to figure out like uh if i'm gonna be included in your future so like what are we doing

like with you know what are your plans with me personally like right now right here what are you gonna do right now we're happy like why are you tripping you know oh baseball bat so you'd be like you'd be like uh you'd be like my you'd be like my family my whole family just died and uh she'd be like oh i'm so sorry honey i want to console you i'll i'll i'd like to make you something for dinner what what what what can i make you and then what would what would you do yeah uh so like but but in all in all reality in all reality anthony i mean you were with her for two years your whole family did die during that time what the hell did she expect what did she possibly want from you shit i mean relationships are hard man fuck i don't know But yeah, she was a good girl. It's probably me fucked up and shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Craziest night you ever had getting fucked up on drinking and drugs? Is there something that you did that was just epic, stupid? You mentioned some misdemeanors. Yeah, I could fucking sit up here and ramble. But I'll tell you, the one that got me scared was, so we went out to this bar, this club, there was like a band of shit like that we were

jamming out and then uh we went back to the car i was blacked out drunk in the car uh my roommate took his amp put it like on the porch and he turned around and i was gone and i woke up in like three cities like the next day and i had no idea how i got there and they're like you were literally like passed out in the back and somehow somehow I just ended up some other place. So I don't even know. You lost me in that story. So you're saying your whole family is dead. Yeah.

Your girlfriend is missing. Was she taken? Oh, Liam. I can fix that. Liam Neeson. I see what you did there. Wow. I don't.

Taking it to the maxima. I like Liam you did there. Wow. I don't. Taking it to the maxima. I like Liam Neeson. I actually, so going off of what Tony was saying about your jokes, I actually like some of your jokes. Obviously, it's your first time, so you'll figure out the confidence and stuff like that. But even making eye contact with the crowd whenever you land on the punchline helps a lot

because it kind of looked like you were sorry that you were telling the audience the jokes. So you'd be like, and, you know, constipation. But if you're like, bleh, you know? Exactly like that. Bleh.

I don't know. I'm nervous as fuck. No, you're doing great, though. It's your first time. Anthony, you know. I'm nervous as fuck. No, you're doing great, though. It's your first time. Anthony, you know, you lost your girlfriend. You have barely any family left. And I'm telling you, this is good for you. I got to kill Tony, baby.

And this is destiny that got you pulled out of the bucket and put you in the bucket and, you know, with this and fucking fighting and finding other gigs so that you can survive and put food on the table and have fun with your life. You definitely have you definitely have a natural knack for it, man. I'm telling you, some of those things, especially for a first time comedian, were actually really funny. It's all right, guys. Thank you so much. Yes. Pat Reagan. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, guys, guys.

Pat, pick now to to talk about what he wants to talk about. I guess I don't need to, but the no shit joke. So I had that joke. And I don't know if you want to follow my lead, but not only did I throw that joke away, I quit doing stand-up. And that's true. All of that is true. Well, there you go.

Pat, there you go. There's a little advice. He quit doing stand up. There goes Anthony Cardoza. Back to the bucket we go. Everybody's having fun. Look at that. Is that mustache getting thicker as the show goes on?

Yeah, and it's 100% real, Tony. All right. Pulled another name out. Put your hands together for Carolyn Racine, everyone. Carolyn Racine. Yay! From that ledge, my friend. One more time for Carolyn Racine, everyone. Hey, how's it going?

Sorry, a friend of mine just saw me outside. She told me I was looking really good today. And I was like, no, you remember me ugly. So people are here in relationships. That's dope. I'm in a long-distance relationship because I don't want to be alone. I just want to be, like, left alone. Cool.

I would be excited to be here, but I eat a lot of CBD, so I'm just, like, here. This side now is this side for you. CBD comes from weed, but it doesn't get you high. It's just very good for your anxiety. CBD is for those of us that show up to 420 at 415, right? Yeah, I found out recently that I can't have kids, which is, like, really devastating, because now I have to have goals. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's great. Fuck yeah.

Caroline Racine. Welcome, welcome. First time on the show. First time. Fuck yeah. Carolyn Racine. Welcome, welcome. First time on the show. First time. Heck yeah. How's it going? Great. How long you been doing stand-up?

Like seriously, maybe a year. I quit a few times. Why? It was hard. I wrote sketch comedy for a long time, did improv, and stand-up was what I wanted to do, but I was like, it's hard. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. It's definitely hard. But you have comedic background.

You somehow look like both Jay and Silent Bob at the same time. It's very impressive. Not many people can pull that off. That's why I came here. I love it. She looks like the Kathy comic strip went to Hot Topic for a day. Thank you so much.

You're like if Meg Griffin was Janine Garofalo. That's the best one. I like that. It's like if Daria worked at Target. Chroma Chris. Liam Neeson is throwing him out there Target. Chroma Chris. Leah Bison is throwing them out there tonight. Stepping up while the band's at the panel. I love this.

So welcome, welcome. So a year and you've been quitting a lot and then coming back. When you quit, is it like you're just like, I'm done? Like I first did stand-up when I was 23 in Michigan and then I stopped. Oh, cool. How long have you been here in Los Angeles? Three years. Three years. And you've been doing all those things? You've been sketch and stand-up?

Yeah, I wrote sketch in San Francisco for a while and then I moved down here. How do you survive? How do you make money? I'm the assistant manager of a restaurant. Ooh, man. That's not my real job title, but that's what I do. survive? How do you make money? I'm the assistant manager of a restaurant. Ooh. Man. That's not my real job title, but that's what I do.

Wow. What restaurant? I know it's not Hooters. Train for the job you want. Whoa, come on. It could be Hooters, though. Oh, I'm just kidding. I'm joking around. I'm not going to tell you where I work. No, it's okay. What kind of restaurant? Is it Italian, Mexican, American? It's a Mediterranean restaurant.

I've said too much. I've said too much. No, it's okay. I'll tell you what. They don't serve buns there. Wait, why don't they serve buns? I've got a question. Yeah, go ahead.

What happened to your butt? Oh, come on, Joel. Great. That's excellent. Thank you so much. Great show. Come on. You cannot ask. I've heard of dancing your ass off. No, come on.

Joel, come on. My name is Jim, not Joel. Jim's trying to come back from hitting on that dude earlier. He's like, oh, look at that butt. Where'd it go? Thank you so much. Carolyn, tell us more about you. What else are you into? What do you like to do for fun to take your mind off of all the stressful comedy stuff?

I don't know. I cook. I like to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you like to cook? I don't know anything. I don't know. I just like to go to the farmer's market and cook food.

I love that. I hate that I said that. The farmer's market, farmer's market, the actual farmer's market. I'll tell you what you don't cook is rump roast. Oh, guys. Tony. Come on. Tony. Guys, you cannot You cannot roast a woman's ass in 2019, especially one

that looks this much like Hannah Gadsby. Tony. Tony. Tony, I've heard of flatulence, but this is ridiculous. Okay. Guys. You're all great. Thank you all so much. You're all great. Carolyn, they're just picking on you

a little bit for having a flat butt. I love it. It's all good. They make fun of me for not having an ass all the time. Wonderful. You wish. You have a boyfriend, Carolyn? I do. How long have you been with him for?

Three and a half years. Does he wear glasses too? He wears glasses too, right? He does not. I wear glasses in the relationship. Hey, I like that. I like that joke. Sorry to butt in, but...

Yeah, what's up? I like this. What like that joke. Sorry to butt in, but. Yeah, what's up? I like this. What's up, buddy? Can I read it for you? No. No, it's all right. Wow.

Jeez Louise. So, Carolyn, what's your driving record like? Good? My, like a car? Yeah. Or is that a euphemism? I can drive a car. You ever get in trouble?

You ever get pulled over? I got pulled over a few times when I was a teenager, like in a small town. You ever get rear-ended? Wow. Actually, this sucks, but I did once. You did? My car was totaled. I made a bunch of money. Oh, this sucks, but I did once. You did? My car was totaled. I made a bunch of money.

Oh, that's cool. It was dope because I bought the car in Michigan for like three grand, totaled it in California and made five grand somehow. Wow. It was great. Look at that. Yeah. What's up?

Don't worry about him. Don't worry about hecklers, Carolyn. We don't allow them in. I feel like everyone on this stage is a heckler. Oh, come on. Come't worry about hecklers, Carolyn. We don't allow them in. I feel like everyone on the stage is a heckler. Oh, come on. We love you, Carolyn. We're here to help and support. I'm not saying anything bad.

I wasn't on the stage for a little while. Does that include me? Look at that. Carolyn, anything else interesting about you that you think we might find interesting? Any fun facts about you? Your boyfriend ever put on the glasses? Mix things up a little bit? Is there anything interesting about you that you think we might find interesting? Any fun facts about you? I guess not. Your wacky face. Your boyfriend ever put on the glasses?

Mix things up a little bit? No, these are kind of new glasses, so I don't know what to do. How long have you been with your boyfriend? You already asked me that question. Okay. Well, you can fucking answer it again, lady. What the hell are we talking about here? I just wanted to know.

Oh, you got me. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah, they were making fun of my butt, but I showed the host at the end who's the boss. I did, though. I told him you already asked me that. Three and a half years.

Are you just trying to see if I answer the same? Maybe, maybe. Why don't you just answer every question with a question? Okay, sure, sure, sure. So where did you guys meet? We met in San Francisco. In San Francisco. In San Francisco. In San Francisco.

You were just walking down the street? What were you doing? We met doing sketch comedy. Oh, so many failed relationships start that way. I know, I know. And, well, that's interesting. What, you were doing sketch comedy, what was the thing that,

like, obviously he's probably a funny guy, if you're doing a sketch together what was that the the main attraction or what was like the the starting point yeah i don't know i just i didn't know him and i wrote a sketch that he was in kind of like to get to know him and then i just asked him out we went saw maria bamford together wow that's the opposite of what we're going to see. Stalking pays off, people. And then we got drunk together, and it was great. And now we're dating. Damn.

Wow. That's what it takes, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People tonight going to see comedians. Bill Burr, Maria Bamford. All the greats. All the greats. Yeah.

Well, Carolyn, it was nice to meet you. Thanks for coming on this show. Thank you so much. We, we, there you go. Anyway, this is a fun one. We have a regular on this show. You guys like regulars, huh? You guys like people that you see every week

that don't have to sign up for the bucket? We're going to go to our regular right now. He writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. Always different, always silly, always funny. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the unorthodox stylings of the great William Montgomery.

I'll be back. That is Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you were an elevator repairman going into a building, seeing the elevator in between floors, just realizing he doesn't have the right equipment. I'm glad I'm not a girl, but I think I'd like something alive inside of me. alive inside of me. I'm not going in the ocean after watching Shark Week. That was my second

best joke of 2008. Weird story is I died six hours ago. Tony, are you cool with... I don't know. Will this reach to the curtains? I don't know. Will this reach to the curtains? I don't know. Will it? Probably not.

Will you all pretend when I go behind you, I might have said that I've never repeated a joke, but I feel like it's in the vein of literally, I have a buddy named Tony Chen, who I was in an underwater cavern with in middle Tennessee. I was high on drugs maybe five weeks ago calling a bunch of people talking to my mother. Here's my best joke. Oh okie dokie all right here he goes he's gonna do it ladies and gentlemen he's stretching the

mic cord back to the definitely doing something here He's behind us. This is an impression of my father during all my third grade soccer games. Oh, I see that. That's good. Y'all, that's how I opened up for Cat Williams two years ago. Is that true? And also Cat Stevens five years ago in the Middle East. I don't know if y'all know father and son.

That is incredible. Wow, so you're just in it. I don't even know when your set started and ended. It's just still happening. I love it. William Montgomery. How about a hand for William, everyone? Coming out tonight clearly

performing in his good boxers tonight. Do you have boxers underneath those boxers? Do I have boxers underneath these boxers? I'm looking at you, sir. You just were holding that bottle by your... Let's give it up for my uncle? William, are you making fun of that guy? I'm kidding.

William, up here, up here, over here. How are you? I'm good. How are you making fun of that guy? I'm kidding. William, up here, up here, over here. How are you? I'm good. How are you all doing? Good. Have you been drunken sailing today? Or, like, what is this look that's happening? I have been down at Jacksonville Beach, Florida on spring break with the Montgomery family.

First night staying at a nice house, just hearing rat tracks above us, just going to an even nicer house. Just later on the next day, going with my brother, Vance, buying whiskey, smoking cigs in the carport, wondering where my parents were. Fast forward three years later, I have some good pictures with my father, Larry, and I when I was real fit running. And also some pictures of the girl I was with at Tennessee Knoxville naked. Very weird pictures. I'd like to see those pictures.

That also reminds me of something that you told me after the show last week in which you were telling me that your family has a full-size actual drawing of you in the living room that hangs up. Like some type of luxurious drawing of you. They do. My mother was a portrait artist representative. She befriended a man named Richard Ballish from Austin, Texas. Very good artist. Ended up being a bad drunk. Austin, Texas. Very good artist. Ended up being a

bad drunk. William, how many leaflets did you have to mail in to get that Time magazine hat? That is a legit time. Jeremiah, do you know where this comes from? And this is a very serious deal.

Which camera do I look into for my haters? The people, I swear to God, Tony, thank you so much for letting me do this. I think tonight is my final night. I'm sick of it with the people talking shit. There's the real shit. Is there anything that you'd like to say to the people? Is there anyone out in particular out on the Internet that you'd like to call out right now that's been annoying you?

There is a guy named Dr. Pepper 22. And between the doctor and the pepper, there are three periods and ellipses. He's been talking about. Literally, you can't just select that as a username, William. You can't use periods and ellipses. You can use underscores. Did you mean underscores? I mean on AOL.com.

He is really messing around. He's Dr. Pepper. And I'll be quite frank. I talked about Cracker Barrel Kid 55. Yeah, it is some guy I used to bully. I was a bad bully. He sort of took offense to it. There was one Christmas he had with his family

where I essentially took his Christmas... William. Yeah. I was asking you if there's anything that you want to say to this person, to Dr. Pepper. Hey, Dr. Pepper! I'm tired of it!

I've seen Zorro! Wait. I've seen Zorro. Wait, you've seen Zorro? He talks about how I don't know. Oh, is that him back there who said that? Wow, it's Dr. Go fuck with me. I have an agent here tonight. I'm trying to get on Rescue 911 on the family channel,

so it really... Oh, man. I thought you were going to say you have an agent here tonight. It's your insurance agent. I have an Asian here tonight. She's from the Philippines. Insurance agent. Oh, I thought you said

Asian. Tony. Tony. So William has like a superpower. Yes. And his superpower is he can talk and no one will interrupt him. No, I know. I love it. It's incredible. He just keeps going.

He's a goddamn improvisational fucking one man wrecking ball. I will. I mean, if people are right, and I'll be quite frank last Monday I was on something okay okay

I'm gonna do I'm gonna do I'm gonna do a line as you okay but it's okay my wife's kids wives are in town I fucking hate child brides. My wife's kids'

childs are in town. Get out of Chili's. My buddy Tony Chin has a peanut allergy. Hold on. Let's talk for another second about Tony Chin.

A lot of people have been wondering, like, are there any real updates about him? Do you ever try to reach out to this guy? I did. He showed up on my Facebook, People You Should Know, and I was sort of horrified and also surprised in a nice way when I saw his face, and I just remembered going to the casinos in Tunica outside of of Memphis just seeing Tony Chin every time my father and I did the MS-150 a big bike race down to uh Tunica and every time his family would be gambling and I'd be like Tony Chin it's all right uh is uh is is tony chin's full name tony chincliffe because all the letters

are still there and i'm starting to think that you were scrambling one night trying to think of a name and you accidentally looked at tony and you had the facial hair yeah tony chin is there any chance that you're just uh that you're just this is sort of like one of those weird movies where the character was in front of us the whole time, like some type of like Kaiser Sose thing to where I might actually be Tony Chin. Those are letters that might. I'll be very,

do you have the ghost music to the movie, The Ghost with Patrick Swayze? Do you mind playing that for a second? I don't think it's called The Ghost, William. I think it's just called Ghost. No, what my point is, I'll be quite frank, it's been so fun doing all this. I'm scheduled to go to the Philippines in two weeks

to teach people how to swim. I don't know if y'all have ever met Asian people. They don't know how to swim. So I'm trying to. We have the music. It's playing right now. Here's my point. Seriously, it's so nice to be standing up here right now.

DrPepper.dot.dot. At AOL.com. Dash 24. Who said that? Are you really quitting the show? Are you done? Is this your last episode? No, he's not really quitting. He does this all the time.

I got fired today. I got fired from my job. Wait, is that true? Did you really get fired from the... Why are we finding out about this nine and a half minutes into this interview? You got fired from the self-storage unit? I didn't, but I called in sick on Saturday. I'm worried one of my bosses watches this,

and he will see that I actually was on ephedrine. It's a hell of a drug you can get at the gas station. One of my uncles was a truck driver. He taught me about ephedrine. William, William, William, how do your sets go in front of audiences that aren't Kill Tony audiences? Good question.

Serious question. William is looking at him. Can I give you one of my best jokes? No, because you've been talking nonstop. If you want to do it, I mean, if you want to do one of your best jokes. Do you want to hear the joke I'm most proud of? There you go. Let's do it.

Do a joke, William. Thank you so much. This is like 10 minutes. I have a whistling album coming out in a couple weeks. It's about what it sounds like, just my brother and me whistling songs like Jingle Bells, The Night Before Christmas, Where'd the Cookies Go? Smells Like Dad's Been Down Here.

Who Put So Many Logs on the Fire? Why Does He Have to Drink So Much? Get Behind the Sofa, He'll See You. Who's He Yelling At? dad's been down here who put so many logs on the fire why does he have to drink so much get behind the sofa he'll see you who's he yelling at oh my god what has happened stop saying that get behind the sofa he's staring right at you how doesn't he see you with classics like get under the porch i hear his truck coming up the driveway please eat it he'll just get more mad if you don't his truck coming up the driveway, please eat it. He'll just get more mad if you don't. And it's not a ghost in the closet. It's just dad.

So, William, I'm really curious. How does that go? How do your sets go? Like, doing stand-up? I feel I don't like to view myself as a poet, but just in you asking me that,

just in sort of poetic terms, me being with my mother, Frances, at the Kmart off of Summer Avenue in Memphis, and me stealing Legos, and Frances allowing me... I think that William might be too likable to admit that he does good. He does well.

In front of audiences, yeah. I think that's what I'm catching on to here is that he doesn't want to tarnish his likability. Complete opposite of my approach. I would have told you I've been killing everywhere the first time you asked me. I can't see. It's all a big blur.

I'm being quite frank with y'all. Are you Julian's grandmother? In the motherfuckers on YouTube, yeah. Eat that up. Yeah, William can't on YouTube, yeah, eat that up. Yeah, William can't see. Yeah, he can't drive. That's why he crashes all the time. William, you did it again, buddy. We love you. There he is, William Montgomery, everyone.

Yeah! There he goes. The great William Montgomery. That was fun. He's different. Oh, yeah. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Cole Alexander.

Cole Alexander. Cole Alexander. Here he comes. What's up? I hate it when guys say shit just to try to sound progressive. You know, like the other day I heard a guy say that they can't be transphobic because they have sex with trans women. What the fuck are you talking about? That would be like saying, oh, I'm such a feminist because I fuck women.

Dude, you can't penetrate your way out of bigotry. That's not how that shit works. I never heard a guy bragging about having sex with a girl. It'd been like, that guy is progressive. He wrecked that pussy for Hillary. That's not how that shit works. Also, I'm having sex with a trans woman. Has not changed the way I vote.

Not more progressive because of it now, you know? Little post-op trans pussy didn't change my view on the Israeli-Palestine conflict. Fuck yeah, Cole Alexander. Look at that. All right.

Talking about real stuff up here. You really are having sex with a trans woman. Yes, I am. Yes. I might as well mention it, right? She's famous on this show. Yes, she is. The great Cassandra Cass.

Everyone, this is who's been tapping that fucking ass. Yes, I am. That is incredible. Now, we've talked a lot. Back off. Yeah, back off indeed, you fucking haters. Yeah. Back off.

Yeah, back off indeed, you fucking haters. So we've talked a lot about Cassandra's brand spanking new vagina. Oh, yeah. Let's get into it. I think you already have, my friend. Many a time. So how long have you two been together now? The shit started back in like January, didn't it? It didn didn't get popping until a few months ago.

I think you need to change your word choice for this one. Teenage bunny rabbits for the last three months, though. Heck yeah. Teenage bunny. Everything the way you describe everything disgusts me. Just everything. A couple teenage bunny rabbits. It's because they're married.

Let's check in with Chroma. It had nothing to do with it. Chroma Chris? It's Liam Neeson. What? Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. So blowing a tranny is a totally different meaning to you and your circles, right?

Chroma Chris is unbelievable tonight. I love it. Killing over there. I like how bro of an approach he has to dating a trans woman. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I date a trans woman.

So what, dude? Yeah. It's freaking dope. Post-op as fuck, bro. Her vagina doesn't lubricate on its own. So you spit on it and then fuck it, right? Is that the gist of it? Or do you still go for the old

sweet sweet? She's got a drawer full of lube. Oh, okay. She's ready to go. She's got a sex drawer in her words. Yeah. It's a sex drawer. What were you saying, Jim? What did you say, Jim?

Nothing. So she's got a sex drawer. So you lube it up. Man. So you guys go out a lot together? Is it mostly like- Yeah, we go out some. It's a lot of like I go to her place and she's like, let's do this.

And then we just end up fucking. Right. Yeah. She's like, welcome to Jiffy Lube. Yeah, she puts a little... Oh, I get it. She's ashamed of you. It's this thing where she's always like,

we're going to go out, I promise, and then we end up having sex, and then she's like, actually, I think we're done here tonight. When we first started hooking up, she would make me turn the lights off and leave my shirt on because she was ashamed of my body, I guess. I don't know.

Wow, is that true? At first, yeah, but then... Now she sort of thinks, like, what? Have you been getting in shape? She settled for me, I think. It's like she looked at you and she's like, I used to have a bigger dick than this. Have you... Have this. Have you...

Have you... Have you... That's true. Have you been working out? No, but I have a job where I walk a lot. Oh. And so that's helped. I love it.

You work at an Asian restaurant? Jeremiah hit it on the point. She brings up all the time how her dick was bigger than mine is now. Wow. Look at that. That means she has a bigger pussy now, right? I mean, it fits in there

so logically it makes sense. Dude, is her clit bigger than your penis now though? No. How big's your penis, Cole? Let's talk about it. Soft's soft and hard. Yeah. We need both length and girth.

And Tony measures with his mouth, so good. Yeah. Yes, I do. I measure with my mouth. Very good. Shit, it's a real Mexican drama. All right. It's like the hand thing for the length.

What's the... I don't know. You tell me what part of your hand. Where are we starting and ending there? I'm doing the hand thing for the length. What's the... I don't know. You tell me what part of your hand. Where are we starting and ending there? I'm doing the little thing. Is it your hand? I'm going to need the mic stand to do this shit. We measure by feet in America.

Are you about to measure right now? What's going on here? I'd say we'll call it that. Wow. Is that good? Yeah, there you go. That's about average That's yeah

Is that hard Is that hard He's literally making An L sign For loser dude Yeah It's crooked Incredible Cole

Your family Do they know that You're with a transgender woman Have you had any trouble With your family Or friends or anything They They know a little about it

They don't really... I don't really talk to my family about it that much. So what do they... When you say they know a little bit, what are you talking about exactly? Like they've seen pictures on Instagram and shit and they know it's going on, but they don't really address it or anything.

Right. Is that a... Have you guys had dinner with each other's family or anything like that yet? No. Interesting. So they just see pictures of you with this chick that's way out of your league. And they're just like, Cole's doing pretty good for himself out there. With a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman.

They ask me why I take pictures with prostitutes. You're like, that's my wife! My goodness. Jeez Louise. So what do you do for work, Cole? I work at a golf course right now. A golf course? I work at a golf course as though you don't see enough man-made holes already.

Yeah. That's a joke right there. That's not a measure with your mouth type of joke. That's a real thought of it in the moment. So how long have you been doing that? Since like April, like a month, month and a half. Everything you do is like short term. The job, the girl, your dick.

Liam Neeson is going to walk out of this episode with a trophy. We've never told Chroma, but at the end of every episode backstage, we give away a trophy to whoever was the funniest. You don't know about this. We've kept it secret from you because this is the first time that you've done it, but you might win the trophy tonight, Chroma. Congratulations. I love it.

You look like Meg Ryan on Ash Wednesday, but... Yeah, what is that on your... Now, is Cassandra the first... It's not the first transsexual that you've been with. Am I correct? The last time he was on the show, you had an experience with one. Yeah, well, that one was pre-op, and that was a little different. Did she look better or worse than Chroma Chris does right now?

Pre-ops. He's biting his lip. God damn. I'd call it the same As long as you don't have that herpes yet Somebody lock up the lube drawer Cole's getting excited over here I'm taken

Look at that Liam Neeson Did you say taken? It was too easy This episode's out of control, I love it Alright Cole, well I mean that's a lot of fun It was too easy. This episode's out of control. I love it. All right, Cole. That's a lot of fun. I'm excited for you and Cassandra's success.

I'm looking forward to the future for you guys, and I love it. You always have a place to hang out here on Mondays. Cole Alexander, everybody. There he goes. Cole Alexander on Instagram at Cole H underscore Alexander.

Carl's Jr. Comedy is Carolyn Racine. Should we go to the bucket one last time, huh? I don't know. Not everybody applauded at that. Should we go to the bucket one more time? Alright. Alright. I guess so. One day it'd be fun to just do that and go, fuck you.

Thank you. Good night. Maybe next week. All right. Pull the name out. Your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Kate Malone. Kate Malone. Here we go.

No movement. Back to the bucket we go. This is interesting. I think a lot of people have gotten scared here tonight seeing other people's sets and what has happened, and I think a lot of them are leaving as it goes on. Your final comedian of the night actually goes by the name of Greg Scamats.

Scamato. Scamats. Greg Scamato. Here he is. Greg Scamato. Hey, how you doing? My name is Greg. Yeah, right. Oh, shit, man. Hey, I think driving tired is better than driving drunk.

You agree? You ever drive tired? Like, I think it's the law of manifestation, that's why. Because when you drive tired, you're like, oh, I'm tired. But when you drive drunk, you're like, hey, I'm getting home. It's just a whole different type of vibe. Whole different, the manifestation is real. L.A. is a land of opportunity, man, and I might get casted for this new TV show. You guys might have seen it. It's called Unarmed Black Man. It comes on Fox,

CNN, ABC. Actually had a friend that was watching an episode of Unarmed Black Man when they started doing an on-the-spot shooting casting on him on an episode of Unarmed Black Man. It was wild. It was crazy. You guys should see it. Check it out. Thank you, though. My name is Greg.

Is it really, though? Are you really Greg? No, he's not. Okay, Brian. Are you really Greg Scamato? Yeah, my family was on the German side.

That's not even a German name. Scamato would be an Italian name. You even have your white ethnicities fucked up. Skagmato would be an Italian name. Yeah, boo. Okay, so

is that you? Can we see some ID? Is there someone saying that I'm not Greg? Yes. All the comics. Where is he? 23 and me.

So when this happens in the past, we actually ban you from the show. All right, that's great. So get the fuck out of here. Perfect. There you go. Red Band taking over. Greg Zgamato. Thank you. Thank you.

No funnier way we could have handled that. There he goes. Greg Zamato. Thank you. Thank you. No funnier way we could have handled that. There he goes. Greg Scamato. Wait, you've never heard of the German name Scamato before? All right. What do you guys think? Go to the bucket one more time. He's never heard that.

Yeah, that's another great idea. Oh, we know this guy. This guy's been on the show before. He's had a that Yeah that's another great idea Oh we know this guy This guy's been on the show before He's had a lot of fun Put your hands together for the rooster everybody The rooster Here he comes Once I saw David Boreanaz walking through a farmer's market

David Boreanaz, he was Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer And Angel, he was Zeely Booth on Bones Oh, fuck That was, uh Story goes, yeah, he's walking by me and his phone rings. Flip phone, not an iPhone. Important to the story, because I got to witness TV's David Boreanaz

answer his phone by saying, talk to me. It's a David Boreanaz thing to do. Yeah, I, uh... Once, uh... I, uh uh years after dating this girl yeah yeah we broke up i ran into her at a punk show she was in the arms of her new boyfriend and uh yeah i handled it by getting blackout drunk i remember bits and pieces about my night but don't remember what which order my brain was doing non-linear

cut-toos. You ever drink so much your night turns into the saddest Quentin Tarantino film? Fuck yeah. Look at you. The rooster. The rooster and Russo. Heck yeah. How are you? How do you feel right now?

Exhausted. I just flew in from New York. You did? Yeah, I'm tired. Boy, are your arms tired. Did you really fly in from New York? Yeah. What were you doing in New York?

I'm from New York. I was visiting friends, family, doing mics, whatever. Interesting. Did you fly back in a convertible airplane? That haircut is really something else. You have more oil in that thing than the mechanics have on their rags. It's actually a fiber cream. Is it?

Yeah. Sounds disgusting. My God. Get it at Ralph's. Wow. You must get all the pussy. Is that true? God, I wish.

When's the last time you got laid, rooster? Fuck. Probably like two years ago. Every reaction is like he just landed like he survived a plane crash. Everybody's like, oh, sure. Yeah, the pussy. Yeah, it's out of control. Man.

Two years ago. Where were you at two years ago when you got laid? Living in North Hollywood. Yeah, it's exhausting. Yeah. What, you just found a girl at a bar? A girl that I was dating for a short while. When you say short while,

you mean you were dating for five minutes in a parking garage and then she escaped? Like in that gray area short while? You mean you were dating for five minutes in a parking garage and then she escaped? Isn't that gray area between relationship and not? I bet. No. I have a David

Boreanaz story. I thought he was coming in to Starbucks once when I was working there. Wait, who is this? David who? David Boreanaz from Angel Fame. Get on board, Tony. Yeah, I don't know.

I've never heard of him. Is he in Pitch Perfect 2? Because that's all that I know about. All that I know about. Go ahead. Oh, so I was like, is that David Boreanaz? And then he turned around and he was wearing a hockey jersey. And in all capital letters it said Boreanaz on his shoulders.

And I was like, that's David Boreanaz. That was the whole story. Wow, that's it. I was trying to relate to Ian. No, I love it. Hard to relate to Ian. I feel like we're connecting. Not easy to do. Never say that again.

When's the last time you took a shower? You seem like you don't. Not even this morning, like right after my flight. Not golden. Yeah. What? When's the last time you took a shower that wasn't golden? You look like you get peed on.

I gotcha. We got you, Jimbo. Yo, yo, yo. Ian, my man, rap with me for a second. For sure. Would you kick me in the balls if I put on overalls? Wait, what? Yeah, that's my man, Ian, doing it up.

Fuck yeah. That's it. You're looking like a snack right now. Heck yeah. Do one more, Beth. Do one more. Will you autograph my butt cheeks? These are all actually written down.

They're typed out. They're typed out on real pieces of paper. Penises are gross. Do you mind if we put a little wig and top hat on yours? Do you? I'm actually going to follow up on that question. Do you mind if we did that? Put a wig on my penis?

Yeah. Maybe. Okay. Hey, you think we could bottle up Seth Rogen's laugh and sell it on Pornhub? There you go. Red band's cue to do that one thing. Do it again.

Every time anybody brings up Seth Rogen, he has to do it. It's a Yoda thing, too. It's both the same laugh, the same voice. As stupid as it is. For those of you that want to know how to do it, that's Seth Rogen to do Yoda. Ian, tell us about you. Tell us about you.

Tell us interesting facts about you as fast as you can okay yeah i mentioned i was in yeah mentioned i was in a series of punk and ska bands growing up last time i was here yeah why do you sound like you have braces even though you don't when you talk i was in ska bands and at Skateboard. Yeah, I was a bit of a nerd growing up. Yeah, growing up. Growing up, yeah. Yeah. Okay, tell us more about you. Keep it going. Yeah, yeah.

I want to be a full man. Keep going. Yeah, yeah. Moved here to pursue TV writing. I'm a Jewish New Yorker and it's not happening yet after four years. It's crazy. Moved here to pursue TV writing. I'm a Jewish New Yorker, and it's not happening yet. After four years, it's crazy. You've gone to the meetings and everything? Meetings? No, there's not.

So, Ian, what have you done in order to help your television writing? I shoot a lot of shit with my friends. You shoot shit? Yeah, like short films. Right. What's the name of the last short film? Are You Breaking Up With Me was one that we did maybe a year and a half ago. So what's the writing in that like?

Is it a lot of dialogue? It's a little bit, yeah, dialogue. A little bit too gamey. God, I fucking hate I'm saying this, but in UCB terms, yeah, dialogue. A little bit too gamey. God, I fucking hate I'm saying this, but in UCB terms, yeah, gamey. Ooh, UCB terms. Oh. They've ruined my comedic voice. Fuck them.

I know. How many classes did you do at UCB? Through Advanced. What? Okay. Through Advanced. Wow. Why is that such a bad thing?

Because it waters you down and it makes you all the same thing. Yeah. And it didn't work. And you're a straight white male, so you don't have a snowflake's chance in hell of advancing past any of the things that actually happen to you there because you're competing against a complete lineup of floppy, diverse people that are more castable for absolutely everything right now. And plus, you're not really that talented or anything like that, so that really hurts. Just wait until the price is right opens up. It's a crazy time to invest deeply in UCB classes.

Yeah. Hey, have you ever queefed and a little bit of poop came out of your poopy hole? Have you? I'm going to follow up on that one. Have you ever queefed in a little bit of something came out of your poopy hole? There you go.

There's your one fart for the episode. We're going through all the hits tonight. How do you feel about bison? How do I feel about bison? Yeah. I like bison burgers like bison meat. Okay, moving on. All right.

Very good. Going through all the classics before we put a big ribbon on this thing. Yeah. Yep, there's one guy. Bison. Bison. Okay. Okay, Joel.

So, Ian, anything else interesting about you before we go? Yeah, I do listen to a lot of music. Yeah, you just listen to it? You ever play it? Yeah, punk bands. Yeah? What instrument do you play? Guitar, bass, and yeah, I sing.

Guitar, bass, and you sing. Well, there's no other way I could possibly imagine getting the fuck out of this show than by you singing us a little something here tonight. Would I be able... Is there a guitar? All right, let's do this. Yeah, go right ahead. Any way you want to do it.

Oh, wow, he's got what appears to be a guitar pick. He's got a guitar pick. Wow, he's got a guitar pick. Wow. He's going to play guitar. Wow. He's grabbed a guitarist's guitar. One more time for Ian Russo. I remember walking through the streets of Williamsburg There was just snow everywhere

Friday night I'm barking My wife walks down the avenue Power walk the revenue! Wow Wow. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. That is rock and motherfucking roll. The new Reagan and Watkins album is out Friday. The release party is here Thursday. You got free tickets to that.

If you want them, come say hi to Jeremiah and Pat after the show. How about a hand for this Ryan J. Ebel drawing tonight? How about another hand for your guests, Reagan and Watkins, everybody? The new album is available for pre-sale right now, ReaganandWatkins.com. The party's at 1030 June 6th, this Thursday here at the Comedy Store. Everybody's performing on it. Anything else, Jeremiah? Yeah, come to the front of the stage after the show if you want a free ticket to Thursday night for the album release party.

That's right. Patty Reagan. How about another hand? The return of Patty Reagan, everybody. We got a new music video with Reagan and Watkins. We want to thank Riz Kostic for making our Reagan and Watkins video. Riz Kostic!

And I want to give a special shout out to Chris Dillon and Joel Jimenez. We have a band called The Baby Boys and we're working on new music as well. We love The Baby Boys. How about another hand for Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everybody, huh? Led the band tonight. Great stuff.

He's on social media, mostly sorry. Go to the Ludwig HQ official Instagram. They put me on there tonight. Hey, official Ludwig artist. How about another hand for the trophy winner tonight Chroma Chris everybody Liam Nissan Liam Liam what do you think about tonight's episode? I'm really revved by

engines Tony how about one more time good and loud for Joel and Nick who joined us tonight some of my friends they are also on the new Reagan and Watkins album. You can also check them out with the Goddamn Comedy Jam.

I've rocked out with these guys quite a bit. They've got a great band called Elemental P and Pulp 90s that they do. They're super talented musicians. I've had some of the most fun I've ever had in my life on stage. These two guys have been there with me. Absolutely. I'm glad you guys were here tonight for the first time ever.

And we're going back on the road, so make sure you get tickets for that. You can go to DeathSquad.TV or TonyHinchcliffe.com. Really, anything you want to do. Or don't do it. I don't really give a fuck anymore. And how about one more time for the Reagan and Watkins album, Red Band, and everybody, everything tonight. Thanks a lot, guys.

We love you. Good night. I think we're going to... Thank you. ស្រូវតែរបស់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពី Outro Music Thank you.