KILL TONY - KILL TONY #365 - MADISON

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 06/15/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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it's never ordinary. At Bet365. Must be 19 or older. Ontario only. Please pay responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit's never ordinary. At Bet365. Must be 19 or older. Ontario only. Please pay responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv.

There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions to the shows. And if you click on Tour Dates, you can come see us live. Not only are we at the world famous comedy store every Monday, but we are on the road. July 10th, we'll be in Plano, Texas at the Hyenas. July 11th, Fort Worth, Texas. July 25th, we'll be in Philadelphia at the Fillmore Theater. And July 26th,th will be in Pittsburgh.

Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Check out that for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, the house artist. He draws every episode. He makes posters. He made the book. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not every episode. He makes posters. He made the book. Go to ryanjebelt.com.

And last but not least, shopsquad.tv, the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe and Kill Tony. Check out Kill Tony t-shirts, Death Squad hats, and mugs. Go to shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Madison, we fucking made it. Let these listeners know what's up. Owie, owie. Brian Redband's here, everybody. What's up, guys?

We are live. Madison, Wisconsin. You guys ready for this shit? Kill Tony is here. This is exciting stuff. Our first ever time in Madison, Wisconsin. It's exciting. We ended up selling it out just like a lot of the other places this week.

It's very exciting to be here at the beautiful, majestic theater. I love this place. Look how beautiful this is. Can we turn those lights on around the stage again? I love this place. Look how beautiful this is. Can we turn those lights on around the stage again? I love those. I don't know why they're over off.

Look at that. Keep those on. I don't know if you guys know that here at the Majestic, but that's one of the things that makes it special, so I like those on. Minneapolis tomorrow night, then we go home to Los Angeles for our six-year anniversary with Brian Holtzman,

and then back on the road again to New York, New York and New York, and Poughkeepsie next week. Two shows at the Gramercy Theater, and we added a show to that sold-out show at the Gramercy Theater. I don't know if you guys know this, New York, but that's a really big deal to sell at the Gramercy Theater on a Thursday,

especially twice, which is what we're going to do after you buy tickets from listening to that mention of it. Don't forget, we're at Skankfest and Kill Tony Mania is coming up fast in October. Really exciting stuff. And Philadelphia, July 25th, our largest ever venue for a Kill Tony. 2,000 plus people all at once at the Fillmore Theater. So buy tickets right now and then buy them again next week

and then buy them again after that. Just keep buying tickets. Even if you're not going to come. Even if you don't have any friends. Buy tickets. I just realized I forgot to throw a friend on the guest list for tonight. If a guy named Michael comes in and says that he's my friend. Did he make it?

Michael? You made it? Michael Bria? Fuck yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Sorry about that, pal. It sucks when you realize a few minutes into the show, if any guy named Michael comes up, just let him in. This is very exciting to be here. Of course, Ryan J. Ebalt couldn't make it to tonight's show. However, he did send along with us a bunch of really awesome Kill Tony prints. I don't know if you guys saw those on your way in, but we're going to be selling those after the show

and signing them and taking pictures with you if you choose to wait in a straight line for a little bit. And we also have some cool pins. There's a Tony Hinchcliffe pin, the brand spanking new Kill Tony pin, and a Death Squad pin. And they glow in the dark. Really exciting stuff.

And, of course maybe the band might be selling something because there is a band on this show, everybody. Live from Madison, Wisconsin. We could spare no expense when we found out we were coming

back to the beautiful, majestic theater. So let's do it. Every single episode, they commit to staying in different characters. We never know what they're gonna be. The same goes for this week. Maybe it's a brand new character that we've never seen before. Maybe it's the

return of some of their famous characters that we love. You never know what's gonna happen. But here they are. They're the best damn band in the land. Make some noise for them. It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg. Joel Jimenez. Let's see what they are. They're the best damn band in the land. Make some noise for them. It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Let's see what they are tonight. Whoa! What?

Wow! This is crazy. They look like animal safari people or crocodile hunters. Some type of zookeeper, I guess would be the word. Is that right? Are you zookeepers? We're wildlife experts, Tony. What was that again?

We're wildlife experts. Wildlife experts. Wildlife experts. This is the first time we've ever had wildlife experts before. All the way to Madison. Wildlife experts. Don't make too much noise. He will strike at any moment. He seems pretty tired right now.

He must be exhausted from being in your bag all week on the road this week. I don't know. It's called temporary sleep paralysis. Uh-huh. He can strike at any moment. Be careful. Okay. Well, I'm glad that you're on this show,

Wildlife Expert. Look at those big, long fucking legs you have. Wow. Whoa. I can't tell where the legs end and the khaki fabric begins there. You're just dressed all one color here. People have described my skin color

as khaki before, so. What's your name? My name's James Nolan, but you can call me Tibby. Alright, Jimmy Nolan. Very good. Tibby. And back here we have a blonde Mexican. So this is exciting.

If you've ever wondered what that looks like, here you are. What's your name? My name is Peter Gazelle, Tony. Peter Gazelle. And is that supposed to be a very small lion? And we're supposed to act like that's a real lion? He's got a tiny lion. Little known fact, lions come in different

shapes and sizes. Also, he can hear you. You don't want to insult a lion. Now, I noticed that you don't have any accent whatsoever. No, I'm American, Tony. Oh, yeah? What zoo do you work at? San Diego.

Very good. I moved to Australia to work with one of the best. He's actually been under my wing for a while now. Yeah. Ah. Yeah. And you would know a thing or two about that, wouldn't you? Yeah.

Because you work with wings. Yeah. Because you're a wildlife expert. Yeah. All right. Well, speaking of animals, there's a bunch of them that signed up for the opportunity to come up on this stage tonight. How exciting is that? A great turnout on the sign-up sheet.

Madison's ready to express itself. And you guys know how it works. You have a chance to do stand-up comedy on this stage and then get interviewed. And we find out a little bit more about you. Maybe stuff that you could talk about. Maybe stuff that you should talk about. maybe stuff that you should talk about, and we get through it all together. If I pull your name out of the bucket,

that means you get 60 uninterrupted seconds on this stage. You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. Aw, isn't that adorable? That means wrap it up then, Earl. She's going to bring out the angry Madison Wolf's bear. There's a bear on the loose. Wow. Yes, it is. Half wolf,

half bear, and clearly part dolphin for some reason. Whatsoever. And by the way, to get on stage, you're going to go right over there. You'll see a lady sitting by the wall, and there's a little doorway over there. So that's how you get on stage. They're going to have a flashlight, so you just go that way, and they're going to guide

you up. Take your time. Don't fall down. You guys ready to start this fucking show or what? We are live from Madison, Wisconsin. One of the last stops on the 2019 Kill Tony Summer Tour. How exciting. All right. I pulled a name out.

Put your hands together for your first comedian of the night, and remember, there's no heckling during their 60 seconds. If you signed up, if you had the balls to sign up, then you fucking keep your mouth shut because you don't want somebody doing it to you. And if you didn't sign up, then shut the fuck up, you ball-less fucking pussy. All right, I pulled a name out.

Your first comedian going up tonight goes by the name of Cody Dean. Here we go, Cody Dean. Wow pulled a name out. Your first comedian going up tonight goes by the name of Cody Dean. Here we go. Cody Dean. Wow, there he is. He's coming right from the second row. The mighty jungle, the lions lead tonight. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions lead tonight.

Wee! One more time for Cody Dean, everybody. Alliance leads tonight. Weep. One more time for Cody Dean, everybody. I knew I was going to get fucking picked. Okay. I knew I was going to be super nervous and scared doing this the whole time. All week I've been practicing the whole bit. I've been getting it down.

And I even got here early. I got here about 20, 30 minutes early before the show even started. I was outside, maybe fifth or sixth in line. And as I walked up, the first thing I saw was a homeless dude. And he was standing with a billboard, a clipboard, a little piece of paper, and he was asking people for money. He asked $2 to save 1,600 homeless people in the Madison area. And I, including myself, everybody was rejecting him. And they didn't say anything to him as he walked by.

And like I said, I was confident walking into this, but I sat there for 28 minutes before the show started seeing this guy get rejected over and over and over again. And with every time he got rejected, I slowly felt worse and worse and worse. So as you can see, I'm bombing right now and it's not going well. I guess what I really wanted to say was my dad, my grandpa, my whole family line I've been in a line of people that okay, yeah, so

I've been in a family line that has had man boobs and I've been constantly spending my life trying to get away from that I've been working hard every day lifting weights and doing all the things to stay away from man boobs but every day my lifting weights and doing all the things to stay away from man boobs. But every day.

All right. My God, Cody. Wow. That's something else. You had to squeeze that story in from earlier, huh? Where you met the guy up front. My God. What was that about?

Like, there was. I just. Good question. What was that about? Like I said, I've never been on a stage before, so I was just thinking of something out there as I was coming in. Fuck yeah. Well, I got good news for you. You still haven't done stand-up comedy. You signed up to do it tonight.

You had the chance to do it, and you chose not to. You came out like an even more tired version of Pete Davidson. You're dressed like you are breast cancer. Like you actually are the human form of breast cancer, except you've never seen a pair of real tits before in your life. Except for maybe yours in the mirror, by according to what you were trying to get out of your last joke. So, Cody,

take a couple steps back here so the audience can see your... No, grab the microphone too. Bring that with you. There you go. Take a couple steps back. Yeah. Now this is a very primitive creature we have right here. As you noticed during his set,

he made a last ditch effort to say that he was bombing on stage right before he died a brutal death. Heck yeah, there was definitely some struggling going on. It's the first time ever on a stage, you've never done anything before? No music, no nothing. I've been with my friend a few times, and I've been thinking of jokes in my head. Yeah, I've been staying up late. The predator examines his prey.

Yeah. So how old are you? I'm 23. 23 years old. That's adorable. Look at you, you little baby. This animal does not stand a chance. Born and raised here in Madison?

Middleton, which is about 20 minutes away. Middleton. Heck yeah. What's Middleton, which is about 20 minutes away Middleton, heck yeah What's Middleton known for? Being nice, it's one of the nicest cities in America Really? Yeah, got voted out a couple years back Sounds like a fucking fag town to me

Can I say fag town? Heck yeah Now what's very odd about this male is he actually has female reproductigons. Is that true, Cody? Do you have female reproductigons? I mean, not that I know of, but I guess I don't really study too much about it. He is dressed like a female animal. Not to be trusted at any moment.

What is the deal with the pink? Is that like your trademark? It's the new Madison pro soccer team. Go ahead. Tell me again. It's the Madison pro soccer team that just started about four or five months ago. Wow. Is it a women's soccer team?

It's not. It's not. You're talking about the forward Madison football team? You've been looking into it. I like it. Yeah. I know all about that. You're dressed like Lady Forward right now.

That's very exciting. We've got to put you on top of the fucking State Capitol and try to encourage you to jump off. I think I look better up there. You're up there. So, Cody, you're 23 years old. What do you do for work? Solder wires and circuit boards.

Not really anything entertaining. Solderizing circuit boards. Sodomizing? Solder wires. Solderize circuit boards. Sodomizing? Solderize? Basically the same thing. Yeah, that's what I said the first time, but okay. I don't know if that's the right word. I'm just trying to get what you're saying.

Do you fucking know what you do for work? I've never heard the word solderize, but it's actually soldering. For sure. That's what I would refer to it as. Oh, then why the fuck do you say you solderize things? I said I solder wires to it as Then why the fuck do you say you solderize things I said I solder wires to circuit boards I'm not good at talking in the mic yet

I'll get there Maybe you shouldn't get there Maybe you should just Keep regular talking So wow You're 23 years old You're soldering Soldering wires

To circuit boards. So what does a 23-year-old like you do for fun? Seems like you're a gigantic fan of this football team that hasn't even come here yet. That's hilarious. You really don't know what's funny and what's not. The young male tries to relate to his prey before he gets eaten.

So tell us more about you, Cody. What do you do? Hang out with my dog and listen to music, I guess, and normal shit. What kind of dog do you have? He's a puggle. His name's Carl. Very nice. Beautiful animal.

Beautiful. Good guy. He's a good guy. So you hang out with your dog. What do you do with your dog? Yeah, I guess go on walks, play a little tug-of-war eventually. Oh, a little tug-of-war? A tug-of-war, yeah.

Wow, look at you, you fucking athlete, you. With a what kind of dog was it? A Puggle. He's about 40 pounds, so he gets pretty into it. Really? Yeah. Isn't that a pug and a poodle mixed? It's a pug with a beagle. So it's a little stronger. Wow, ferocious. It's a little's, it's, I mean. Isn't that a pug and a poodle mixed? It's a pug with a beagle.

So it's a little stronger. Wow, ferocious. A little stronger. Ah. Ah. Interesting. Wow. So you hang out with your dog.

You have a girlfriend? I do. You do? She even let you wear her clothes out tonight. That's exciting. That's hilarious. How long have you been with her for? About six months now.

Six months. Six months. What do you guys like to do for fun? Go on walks? Play a little tug-of-war? Something like that, yeah. Yeah? Where'd you meet her at?

At a party through a friend. She actually lives in Michigan, so I only see her about once a month. Yeah, you only see her once a month. My goodness. And that's been going on for six months. Around there, yeah. So you've seen her about six times. About six times, yeah.

We're almost serious. Have you guys hooked up? Have you gone all the way yet? Gone all the way. Third base and everything. Third base? You went down on her and she went down on you? Of course. Of course, yeah, sure. Like the pussy king of Middleton over here. Yeah, of course.

You gotta be nice, of course. Of course, you know, I just fucking eat that pussy. You know what I mean? Tony! Come on, Tony! What? Not a bad one? Yeah.

Hell yeah. My goodness. So, like, you guys, when you guys hang out, where do you hang out at when you guys meet up for your one day a month? In your car or something? Like, what do you do? You guys meet at a halfway point? Some fucking portillo's

on the outskirts of a... I usually pick her up at an airport or like... Pick her up at an airport? She flies in. Yeah, flies in. So she's got the money out of the two of you, huh? We split it, I guess. It's 2019 again. We gotta be nice.

What do you mean be nice? Half and half. You got to be one of those, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. What does she do for work? She goes to school mostly, and she works at a little cafe. A little cafe. Heck yeah.

So when you guys meet up after you pick her up from the airport, you bring her back to your place? Usually bring her back to my place, yes. And you live by yourself? I do with my dog. Just you and your dog? Just me and my dog. You have a little one-bedroom apartment in Middleton? It's a studio in Madison, actually, about a whole block from here, yeah.

Oh, that's cool. How long have you lived in Madison? About five years now. Five years. Yeah, for sure. So you left the family in Middleton? Yep. Are they supportive of you trying stand-up comedy?

Do they know about you doing this? No, not at all. Are you close with your parents? I'm very close with my parents, yes. Yeah? How close? You still sleep in bed with them sometimes? I smoke weed with both my parents since I was about, like, 9 or 10.

Really? You started smoking weed with your parents at about the age of 9? Well, I didn't start smoking weed with them, but eventually we talked about it and they slowly came around. Yeah. Wow. Interesting. That's very fun. Is there something that we need to know about you, Cody? A fun fact about you that we would be surprised to know you want to save somebody's life or anything like that? No, man. No, nothing like that. No, no. You just walk around in a nice city. Yep. Just a nice guy in a nice city. He's a murderer. Heck yeah.

Look at you. Look at that shit-eating grin you have on your face. You're way too happy for what happened here tonight, Cody. But you got the show started for us. It was your first time ever doing anything, and we appreciate that. Cody Dean, everybody. Let's keep it going. Come on.

First time ever doing anything, and we appreciate that. Cody Dean, everybody. Let's keep it going. The mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. Hey, hey, hey. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. Can you imagine being that nice every day? No.

No. I would shoot myself. Yeah. One more time would shoot myself. Yeah. One more time for Cody Dean, everybody. Got the show started for us. Let's keep it moving along. Put your hands together for your next comedian. He goes by the name of Jim Sharkey.

Everybody. Jim Sharkey. Jim Sharky Jim Sharky Oh here he comes Goodness Jim Sharky taking a while here Here he comes he's making his way up here I think he was on the very top floor. Coming in on a horse with no name.

Jim Sharkey, ladies and gentlemen. So as a retired chef, I want you guys to know that in a pinch you can safely use olive oil for lubricant. But, if you're gonna do anal, turn the lights off because you'll never, never, ever eat balsamic vinaigrette again. It's true.

I have kind of a love-hate relationship with living a healthy lifestyle in case you were wondering if this physique was one sculpted of discipline and good choices. You're incorrect. I don't know why all my punchlines are for him. There's 600 fucking people here. My wife was a personal trainer before we met,

so she works out a lot. When I say before we met, I think that's unrelated. They say living heart healthy is the way to be because you're going to live longer if you do a bunch of cardio and keep your heart strong. I'm going to tell you something. Cardio makes me want to blow my fucking brains out.

So it's not actually going to make me live longer, is it? Heck yeah, Jim Sharkey. Of course, but no name. Hell yeah. Hi, Jim no name. Hell yeah. Hi, Jim. Welcome.

First time on the show, right? First time. Look at you. That's very exciting. First time doing stand-up? I've done it a couple times. A couple times. Hell yeah.

Some of you may recognize Jim as a guy that not only has seen all the Star Wars movies, but he also wrote and directed most of them. not only has seen all the Star Wars movies, but he also wrote and directed most of them. You are a big looking... I'm a big motherfucker. Like a big nerd. It's scary, yet completely not scary at the same time. You're like if us.

You want to fight? Honestly, sort of. Not right now, but I sort of do want to fight. I think I'd beat your ass, Jim. I'm pretty sure. Star Wars or... Honestly, sort of. Not right now, but I sort of do want to fight it. I think I'd beat your ass, Jim. I'm pretty sure. Star Wars or Star Trek? Okay, so I actually don't like either too much, but I like Star Trek more because it seems more realistic.

They tried harder with the science part. Okay, that's enough. Huge nerd. Thanks a lot for taking the Fortnite off to be here. Now, these are two endangered species trying to communicate. I cannot understand what they're saying at all. You look like Benjamin Franklin and Steven Seagal had a baby. Wow.

Yeah. What did Ben Franklin do to you? Listen to those chants. You're going to ride that Appleton joke for a while, aren't you? Dude, suck my dick, dude. Exactly. Wow. Exactly.

Jim Sharkey. This creature is completely unaware that he will die alone. Motherfucker. Wow, it's a Jim. Oh, Jim Sharkey's marriage shows off the ring What appears to be a wife in the animal kingdom The wife will devour his soul Jim, how long you been married for?

Three years Three years How long you been with her? Six total Six total years What does she do? Currently a baker She's a baker

Ah, seems like a good gig for you, huh? You have no idea You're a pretty heavy Ah, it seems like a good gig for you, huh? You have no idea. You're a pretty heavy dude. You said you're a retired chef? Correct. Why'd you retire? The industry got really toxic. What do you mean?

And I got sick of it, let's be honest. You got sick? 18 years. I did it for 18 years. Oh, you got sick of it. Correct. Gotcha. So now what do you do?

Uh, I cut meat at a grocery store, so I'm a butcher. Meat cutter. Ah, meat cutter. You look more like it. Correct. Gotcha. So now what do you do? I cut meat at a grocery store, so I'm a butcher. Meat cutter. Ah, meat cutter. You look more like you cut cheese. My goodness. You ever cut yourself doing that job? Plenty, yeah. Plenty of times.

Huh. What's your least favorite type of meat to cut? Dark meat. Why would it be dark meat? I don't know. I just thought it would work, and it did. So it's just all the meats are the same to you. You put them in that fucking thing.

You do this all day long, right? Just fucking. It depends on the style. It's a lot of work on the saw. Sometimes it's knife work. I just, I enjoy doing it, so it's all the same to me. Heck yeah. And how old are you? 34. 34. I just, I enjoy doing it, so it's all the same to me. Heck yeah. And how old are you?

34. 34. Very exciting, Jim. What do you like to do for fun when you're not cutting meat and fucking your wife? A lot of fucking, yeah. A lot of fucking? I try, yeah. Do you guys have any special moves that you do or anything like that?

Do you have like a trick that you do that you could maybe teach me? Special? Yeah. Come on. There must be something. You know, you're cutting that fucking meat all day, dude. Fucking lay down a log of fucking provolone. Oh, that's cheese. Come on, man. All the meats. I could have named any meat. Wait a second.

I named it cheese. Everybody's different. I don't want to have you fucking your wife like I fuck mine. I know, but for the sake of this being a live comedy show, I figured you could answer with something at all. All right, here's my suggestion. If you're going to spit on your thumb and circle the anus, go counterclockwise.

Counterclockwise. That's an interesting thought. I see some ladies out there. Now in Australia, we would do it clockwise. Right, yes. Goes the other way. Hell yeah. Drag your fingernail a little is my little tip.

You got to keep them trimmed. Plus, if I'm cutting meat all day, I don't want to have long fingernails, man. Yeah. Hell yeah, Jim. So you have a lot of sex. Anything else? What other hobbies do you do? I mean, you look like you.

We got a couple of kids, so I like to go hiking on my days off with the kids, get my two days off. Wonderful. We spend time outdoors during the, what, four months of sun we get here. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. How many kids do you have? Just two. Two?

And clearly another on the way? I got a food baby. The tacos in this state are pretty fucking good. How old are your kids? I got a three-year-old daughter and a six-month-old son. Wow. So cool. Have you ever thought about buying either of your kids? I got a three-year-old daughter and a six-month-old son. Wow. That's so cool. Have you ever thought about buying either of your kids a Ludwig drum kit?

I really want my daughter to be a drummer because she likes banging on stuff. Do it. Just like a mother. The fuck would love banging? That's a shameless plug for Ludwig. If anybody needs a kit, go to Ludwig.com. That's the best place to get kids or anything or a kit. Yeah.

So is there anything else that we should know about you, Jim? I feel like there's some dark secrets. Your dad was a Vietnam vet, correct? He was in the Navy in the 80s, so not a veteran of anything special. Right, but he was like a real tough guy, right? I wouldn't know that much. He said the Navy. Uh-huh.

Pryin. My dad, okay, so he told me a story that I found out later I think is untrue, and it might be a comedy bit from somebody about how he was on acid when I was born. He had just gotten off the Navy ship and got a flat tire and had taken some acid that his buddy sent him. And so like when he gets to the when he gets to our house, he has messages from the family, realizes my

mom is at the hospital and he goes there and he sees me being born tripping on acid. And that's why he passed out. I think it was really long, elaborate lie for passing out during birth. Oh, I think somebody told me that they heard that somewhere. Wow, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Jim,

but my guess is that your dad was probably on drugs when you were conceived as well. It seems you're absolutely right. Yeah. Well, that's fun. You're close with your mom? Yeah, pretty close. She's still alive? Correct.

How's she doing? What does she do? She's doing great. She works in restaurants. Yeah, cool. She's a waitress? Restaurant manager. But yeah? What does she do? She's doing great. She works in restaurants. Yeah, cool. She's a waitress? Restaurant manager. But yeah, glorified waitress, if we're being honest.

I noticed that everybody in your family or anybody close to you works with food. Correct. And is that by design? Do you do that? Do you're like, mom, you should probably work in a restaurant, you know, make some tips or whatever? Well, I mean, like I said, this is not a body sculpted of good choices and discipline.

I said that. You son of a bitch. I said that. I know. What's the unhealthiest thing that you like to eat? The male is very comfortable in his own skin.

Amphetamines. What is it? Amphetamines. Really? Is that true? Yeah, the unhealthiest thing that I put in my body is amphetamines.

How often do you do that? When it's available. Really? How long have you been doing that for? Off and on for three years. Three years. Adderall or? Yeah, just the simple stuff. Amphetamines are drugs that you can take on land

or water. Yeah. My goodness. So what's the most intense one that you've done? Have you done speed or anything like that? Are you talking like cocaine? Sure. I mean, if that's the one, then sure.

I've done it all. Okay. You've done it all. I've tried everything. What's your favorite? If you could just disappear and your kids are gone, you know what I mean? Your wife drowns them in the tub

while you're doing stand-up comedy one night. And then you could do any drug you want to the max. Which one would that be? Which one would you pick? I would probably just smoke a bunch of weed. Oh, well, there you go. I can't complain about that. I can't imagine. I'm going to do Addy because I call it Dat about that. I can't imagine.

I only do Addy because I call it Dad-a-roll. Wow, Addy. You cut it with cake mix? No need. Well, there you go. This is a man that does... A man that likes cutting meat and fucking doing amphetamines. That's exciting stuff.

Do you dip the Adderall in gravy before you take it? It is a speed. What's going on there? Why do you keep adding what's going on there to everything that you say? Brian, I'm about your build. You can't really lay it to me that hard. Yeah, but I don't do Adderall.

Yeah, and he can suck his own dick, you son of a bitch. This is a very unique situation These two have challenged each other to a fight One will walk out the survivor Let's see what happens Okay Alright, Jim Well, thanks for coming on stage tonight

You fucking got it Got it, dude. Jim Sharky did some time. We found out some stuff about Jim. Well, you guys get the show, right? You understand what's happening here? People sign up. Anything can happen.

It's like it's a real date night out here. A lot of people. There's a lot of couples out there. It's like couples night here in beautiful Madison. A lot of people. There's a lot of couples out there. It's like couples night here in beautiful Madison. A couple of somethings. Yeah. Put your hands together for your next comedian. He goes by the name of Seth Rabin.

Seth Rabin. R-A-B-I-N. Here he is. Seth Rab Raven, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit. I think the most important lesson in life is to cherish the time that we have left. Because life is short, time is precious, and we should cherish it,

because sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone. Believe me, I would know, okay? I'm Jewish. I only had eight days with my foreskin. Ladies and gentlemen of Majestic, I have come up with a brand-new game for this summer that you can do indoors. It's fun, it's fast, it gets your adrenaline pumping. I call it the Porn Olympics. And here's what you do. You go on the internet, you look at videos from all over the world, and you see which country makes you cum the quickest. I did it as a

prototype and it was a blast. The bronze medal went to Sweden, the silver medal went to the The bronze medal went to Sweden, the silver medal went to the United States, and the gold was a tie between seven Asian countries. There you go. Seth Rabin. I believe you. Heck yeah.

Look at this. What's going on? How are you? Another guy that looks like he's made entirely out of cheese curds. This is exciting. This is awesome. Welcome to the show, Seth. Thank you for having me. Is that your first time doing stand-up?

No, I've been doing it for two years with some stints in high school and college. Oh, very cool. Awesome. Well, that was a good set tonight. Probably the best so far. I believe you. I believe everything you talked about. The Porn Olympics would be the only

Olympics that you could ever be a contender in. And you definitely do seem, you definitely seem Jewish to me. Yes. Heck yeah. I noticed that you made a joke about foreskin. Is that something that, do you think that if you had a choice looking back on it

that you would keep your foreskin? Do you think that all non-Jewish people do have foreskin? I want to know what you think the situation is. Honestly, I would have been distracted throughout my childhood. Why? Why do you think you would have been distracted? Because there would be a little bit

of extra skin there? Yeah. What do you think would happen? Why would that distract you? Too much skin. I can't focus on anything. It would start to smell. It would always smell. You'd have to know. Whatever.

Stinky. I sweat anyway, so I mean, I don't know. I never really thought about it that way, but now I'm going to be spending the rest of the week thinking about that. So I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah, the rest of the week. I love that you gave that such

a definite timeline there, Seth. So you've been doing stand-up off and on for a couple years, right? And what do you do for a living? I work as a production assistant for one of the television stations on the west side of town. On the west side of town. Is that a good side of town?

It is. It really is. Nice people. It's where West Town Mall is. They got great gas stations. Great gas stations? What makes a great gas station to you? What makes a gas station great? I work a weird schedule. I work from like 3 a.m. to noon on the weekdays, and I work on weekends.

In fact, I got work tomorrow in the morning, and I need something. There's an explanation for this build. I eat whatever I can to stay awake. Because I don't drink coffee, and I usually just go with croissant sandwiches or sausage sandwiches. Like, the good stuff. Are you a little bit autistic, you think, maybe?

Has anyone ever told you that before? Actually, hold on. Actually, there's a good story behind that. He may be if he thinks sausage sandwiches keep him awake. I forgot to mention, Australia came in fourth place for the Olympics. Over here, back here, Seth. Don't touch anybody.

No, not that close. Get right in the middle there, right where you fucking were. Seth starts getting ideas about being physical up here. You were mentioning about autistic, and when I was little, I was actually put at the bottom of the autism spectrum, like, because I didn't

talk a whole lot when I was a baby, and I didn't make good eye contact. Doctors were basically saying, yeah, you are autistic, but not enough where you can go around bragging about it. Right. So now what did they say? When's the last time you followed up on that? How old are you?

I am 28. I have my half birthday next Wednesday. You're autistic. You're autistic. You're autistic. Well, this male is undiagnosed

autistic, which puts him at the top of the endangered species list. What's something that you would tell us about you to prove that you're not autistic? Like, if you were going to say, I'm not autistic, I blank and blank. What would that be? How much time do we have?

Just name one thing that would prove that you're not autistic. How much time do we have? Just name one thing that would prove that you're not autistic. How much time do we have? Fucking twerp. But start with the phrase, I'm not autistic. I mean, I... I'm not autistic because... I'm not autistic because I have, like, the... I don't know if this is a good excuse,

but I have the same love for things like other people do. I'm not that different from everybody. Like what? You sound like a guy that is autistic trying to not sound autistic. I just love things that everybody does. I'm just like everybody. That's why I'm not autistic. I love sports.

Uh-huh. What do you love about sports? Statistics. Statistics. Hey, we jinxed on that one, assholes. If you're going to chant Jolbert, you've got to chant Tony, too, on that one. Pilot Tony. Whoa, okay, don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay, so you like sports. Give us another reason. I'm not autistic because... I'm not autistic because... Every second that goes by, you go from...

I really don't have an excuse. I'm technically autistic. Hey, here we go. Kill Tony, changing lives. Bringing people to come out of the autistic closet, or in this case, the refrigerator. Look at you.

Making gas stations great again. So that's your only diet for the most part? Is just shit you get at a gas station? Well, no. I mean, I also go to Taco Bell. Oh, God. Wow. Heck yeah.

I'm trying to eat healthier, though. I am trying to eat healthier. That is literally everything on the autism food pyramid. Gas station food all the way up to Taco Bell. Okay, if you had to pick one food, like if you're on a desert island for the rest of your life, what would it be? A desert island, yes.

If you were on an island that was a desert. Yes. It's a deserted island. It's a desert island. No, it's not. No, this island is. It's just a desert in the middle of the water. Okay, Brian.

Now, Brian Redband really sounds like a world traveler here. If you were on an island made of dessert, what food would you... You had to choose one food, though, every day. Every day? You have to pick it in the next three seconds or else you just die from hunger,

which would probably take about an hour and a half. I would go with Taco Bell. I'm a big Taco Bell fan. Oh, my God. I love Mexican food. You are so autistic. Do you know Josh Meyerowitz? You should look him up.

It's pretty crazy. This guy loves Mexican food. What do you think about it? You asked me what food I like. Relax, relax. What do you think about this guy's love for Mexican food? Our Mexican zookeeper, Jimmy

Nolan. What do you think about this guy? No comment. I don't know. Okay, what's your favorite movie of all time? Favorite movie of all time? I'd probably go with... Taco Bell. What the fuck? I don't give a shit. Every commercial they've done, I love it because I love that place.

I'd probably go with Airplane. 1980. I also love South Park, Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Just like your penis. Or no. And mine. This is going to be weird, but I really like Little Nicky,

the Adam Sandler movie. I'm a big metal head. I love the metal music there. Did Joel just admit that he has an uncircumcised penis on the show right now? Yes, he did. He said that a few times. My counterpart, Mr. Gazelle, is actually uncut. Nobody but other dudes give a fuck about it, by the way.

Jesus, relax, Mr. Sensitive. I realize you have extra skin. Yeah, sensitive, exactly. You can feel everything. Yeah, it's more sensitive. Oh my god. Alright, nobody's gonna back me up. Okay, can I just... So emotional about this subject. Yeah. Do any... Okay, the ladies that don't give a

fuck, make some noise. Wow, look at that fucking slut right there. Holy shit. She will put anything in her mouth. Now the ladies that do give a fuck, make some noise. Wow, it's about exactly the same. Losers.

I don't want you anyway. Wow, that's exciting. Seth, you ever had sex with a woman? That's funny. That's funny. No. You haven't. What's the farthest you ever had sex with a woman? That's funny. That's funny. No. You haven't.

What's the farthest that you've gotten with a woman? I spooned. You spooned? Have you ever kissed a girl before? Of course. Oh, well, of course. I love how everybody says of course after they're like, I've never had sex before. Yes, I have.

Yes, I have kissed a woman. Have you ever put a finger inside of a vagina before? Close. Close? How close? Her butthole? Belly button? Like on the pant.

I don't know what it's called. Like on the front part. Uh-huh. The hood. That's called a jean pocket. The front part, like her pubic bone, basically. Basically, yeah. Where the pubes are.

There we go. There you go. Did you feel pubes or was it over the pants? I felt pubes. You felt poobs? I felt poobs felt pubes. You felt poobs? I felt poobs. Poobs? P-O-O-B-S?

I touched her poobs. I never fingered a girl, but I thought the poobs won. I'm not autistic at all. That's adorable. You are very adorable. Watch now as the host completely flexes his dominance over the crowd. Oh, come on. That's not true. Stop it. That's not true.

In fact, I'm gonna get him out of here. Is there anything else you want to tell us about you, Seth? It's a lot of fun. You're an interesting guy. I'm glad that we were able to finally diagnose you properly. What's your favorite category of porn? I'm very interested.

Category of porn? When I was in high school, I really liked girl-on-girl stuff. But now? But you grew? Yeah. It's tough to say. POV, because I feel like I'm there. Wow, you do.

You ever talk back to them? Like, oh, let me touch your poobs. You do. You ever talk back to him? Like, oh, let me touch your poobs. Do you ever line up a Call of Duty game in one where it's point of view and then also porn in the other left window where it's point of view

and then you're actually killing the girl while you're having sex with her at the same time? Uh, no. All right. But it'll give me something to think about. Thank you. Fascinating. There he goes.

Seth Rabin, everybody. I'm going to take a bow. From that ledge, my friend. I wish you would step back. From that ledge, my friend. See, if I was gay, he would be my kind of guy, if I was a gay man. If you were gay, that would be your kind of guy.

Yeah, that's just to me adorable. He's an adorable man right there. Wow. There you go. I don't want no buff guy. Wow. Red Band is now telling us the kind of guy he would fuck if he was gay. Why it's illegal to mix Red Bull and vodka? I have no idea. The Red Bull gives him energy to say

things, and the vodka clouds his judgment at the same time. What kind of guy would you get? Great combination. What kind of guy would I get if I was gay? One that looks like a girl. How about that for an answer? Oh, God. Pulled a name out of the bucket. Let's keep it moving along. Put your hands together for Bennett Brown,

everybody. Bennett! You a date a pansy guy? Where's Bennett Brown at? Oh, he's coming from up top, so he's got to come all the way down. Oh, there he comes. Oh, here he comes. They were hungry like a wolf. Bennett Brown.

Hey, guys. I grew up Catholic. Any Catholics? Former Catholics, guys. I grew up Catholic. Any Catholics? Former Catholics, cool. I grew up Catholic, you know, altar boy, twice a weekend. I did every camp. And growing up, this nun had this metaphor that stuck with me forever. She would say, to dissuade us from having premarital sex,

she'd be like, if you have sex before marriage, it's like popping open an Oreo, you lick the cream frosting, hand it to the next person, they lick the cream frosting, next person, cream frosting, hand it to the next person, they marry that Oreo and they have to eat all of it.

Yeah. It's disgusting. But that was my sex education for like eight years. And then I got a little older. Now I got a couple problems with that. Like, first of all, it's a non-issue because most girls that I know wash their Oreo. So it's like... Hell yeah.

And like the... Can I do one more tag? Sure, go ahead. And the other thing is like, you know, this metaphorical Oreo, we're not in it for the taste, you know? If an Oreo had like piss and bodily fluids coming out of it,

I really wouldn't give a shit if some guy named Gary licked it before me, you know? There you go. Bennett Brown finishing off his Oreo joke. This guy brought his beer on stage with him. He refuses to let it go. Bennett Brown finishing off his Oreo joke. This guy brought his beer on stage with him. He refuses to let it go. You are

adorable. Look at you, you fucking Hannah Gadsby looking motherfucker. This is incredible. You young Michael Moore bitch. I've never seen anybody look like a stepson and a stepdad at the same time. It's quite incredible.

And it looks like you never take the steps anywhere. There's a lot of escalators and elevators for you. You are built like everybody else that's been on this show so far tonight. Not a single fit person here in Madison, Wisconsin. Everybody pulled out of the bucket is shaped like the bucket. Jonah Hilly. Yes. So, Bennett, you've been doing stand-up for a little bit?

Yeah, like three years and some change. Three years and some change. What do you do for work? I work for a software company. Uh-huh. Obviously. Man, you're making me go soft just thinking about it. Does that make sense? Like I was hard before?

Come on, Tony, what the fuck are we talking about? Anyway, and how old are you? By the way, before you answer this, I want to let you know That any answer I find acceptable Anywhere between 13 and about 57, I'd say What would you say, Tony? I have gray hair that you can't see, too.

Really? I'm 25. You have gray poobs? Not yet. 25 years old. Wow. Look at you. You work with software. You've been doing stand-up for a little bit. You seem like a guy with some hobbies. You seem like the kind of guy

that likes flying drones. Am I correct? Do you have a drone? I don't really have any good hobbies. Well, what are some bad hobbies? I don't know. I probably watch movies too much. I guess I golf sometimes. You golf? Sometimes, yeah.

Yeah? Sure. I feel like you're lying, but... I went once this year. I used to do it a lot but... I mean, I went once this year. I used to do it a lot more. I mean, I just... I wish I had better hobbies, for sure. But I drink a lot. Yeah, we do, too.

You know? Did you say you jerk off a lot? No, I drink a lot, but, you know, a fair amount, too, also. Yeah. You drink a lot. What's your drink of choice? Bud Light? No, actually, rum and Diet Coke. What's your drink of choice? Bud Light? No, actually, Rum and Diet Coke.

That's my... Ah, Rum and Diet Coke. Doesn't seem like it, but... Crowd favorite, yeah. Interesting. Do you have a girlfriend? No. When's the last time you had one? About a year ago. About a year ago.

Didn't you used to date the evil genius, what was her name again, on Netflix? The lady that put the bomb around the guy's neck? Oh. Am I the only one that saw that fucking documentary? That's what you look like. You look like that guy, the mastermind sort of of it all. Did you ever see that?

You said you watch a lot of movies. I did watch that. Yeah, yeah. Did you see that guy and think that you look like that guy? No, I didn't. No, I get the Fyre Festival guy sometimes, but like What? The Fyre Festival guy?

Not the main guy. The guy that like helped out with the Fyre Festival, right? The guy that was like, we need to do this and we gotta book this and we gotta get Ja Rule in here. That guy. No, Ja Rule. Oh, yes. Ja Rule, definitely. Fuck yeah. I love it, Bennett. So, when's the last time

you went on a date with a girl? Or a boy? I don't know. I think, oh, yeah. If you listen very closely, you can hear the male's heartbeat start to accelerate at this question. Thanks, Pitty. December, I guess, I went on a date.

Got, like, tacos or something. Oh, yeah, you got tacos, Taco Bell? No. Yo, I'm so glad Seth went on, by the way. Like, it's like I made my night. Seth, if you're still here. Yeah, he's there. He's right there.

Of course he has to respond when you say his name during a live show because he's autistic as fuck. I'm right here. I'm right here. Majestic Theater, row two, seat six. He waved, by the way. Second row. You say you're a software engineer. What kind of software do you write? No, I'm not

an engineer. I work for a software company. What do you do for them? Mop the floors? No, I do like customer support, but it's not a software company. What do you do for them? No, I do like customer support, but it's not a call center. It's so fucking boring. I wish you just asked a different question. Wow. Jesus. Why don't you just

get another job, you piece of shit? It's a question we ask everybody. How you make money is an important deal here in the greatest country on the planet, the United States of America. I just want to make sure that you're contributing to our booming economy right now that we have. For sure. Yes.

Let's check in with the zookeeper over there, wildlife expert Jimmy Nolan. Tibby, yeah. First off, loved your set, mate. Can we give a round of applause to his set? Thank you. Great comedy. first off, loved your set, mate. Can we give a round of applause to his set? Thanks, man. Great comedy. I want to know a little bit more about the Catholic stuff.

I found that fascinating. Let's talk about it. How Catholic were you? Really Catholic? I don't know. I taught Sunday school for, like, a year in high school. That's pretty Catholic. Wow don't know. I taught Sunday school for a year in high school. That's pretty Catholic. Wow. In high school? Yeah, I taught four and five year olds.

How to make Sundays? Literally. We had a whole year and we only had to teach them the Lord's Prayer, which isn't that long, and how to do the sign of the cross correctly. Yeah. Man, you must have gotten all the boy pussy. Hell yeah. It's great.

Wow. My goodness. Anything else we should know about you, Bennett? Any fun facts about Bennett Brown that we'd be interested to know about? Any big accomplishments? Do you have any trophies for anything? Science fair, perhaps? Hot dog eating contest, perhaps? accomplishments? Do you have any trophies for anything? A trophy? A science fair perhaps of some kind? A hot dog eating contest perhaps? I could do wings, but one time when I was in fourth grade

I got like a short story published. Uh-huh. It's like a trophy. Yeah, what was your short story about? It was kind of like a... Oh, yeah, I'm half-circumcised, I guess. Is that your friend up there?

Yeah, yeah. What does that mean? That wasn't his friend. That was God. God wanted us to know he's half-circumcised. He literally parted the clouds and heaven's like, you idiot, you're half-circumcised. Talk about that.

What does that mean, you're half-circumcised? It's like, well, you know, I got a bit about it, so I won't go into that. Why don't you just tell us? If it's funny, please go into it. Or you could just answer the question. What do you mean, you're half-circumcised? It's like they fucked it up.

They went to cut and then maybe he got a knee jerk. I don't know what happened, but he just didn't get all of it and they just didn't go back and do any follow up. So you've got like a half of a turtleneck on the front? Yeah. It's like a hoodie.

He's got like a hoodie. It's just half of it. It's like a polo shirt with a pop collar on top. It looks like one of these. You know you can get that fixed. It's only half. I love it.

Why didn't they fix it at the time though? I don't know. I think that my parents were always in a hurry and shit. Jesus Christ. Wow. I don't know. Look, I got some bad news and shit. Jesus Christ. Wow. Look, I got some bad news, Mr. and Mrs. Brown. We did your son's circumcision,

but we only did half. You've heard of foreskin. This is two-skin. That's right. Well, that is an interesting thing that you're half circumcised. I'd like to give a shout-out to God himself for giving us that information. Can I just try something real quick?

Yeah. So I've noticed, what I've come to learn is that when you're a stand-up comic, it's not really good to ask the audience questions. When you started, you go, I was raised Catholic. Anybody else here raised Catholic? But what I want you to do is do it again. I want the whole audience to say no. Yeah. And then I want to see where you go from there.

Yeah, do it. Just do it. What the fuck are you waiting for? Anyone raised Catholic? Yeah, fuck Jesus, dude. That's a way to get a reaction. You did it. Rolled with it.

And that is an animal adapting to his environment. Yeah, absolutely. There he goes environment. Oh, yeah, absolutely. There he goes, Bennett Brown, ladies and gentlemen. He's on Twitter at Jewel4Kids, J-U-U-L for kids. That was good. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Your next comedian goes by the name of Trevor Cook.

Make some noise for Trevor, ladies and gentlemen. Wow, he's high-fiving his friends Price is Right style as he comes up. Did we have a lot of sign-ups today? Was there a lot of sign-ups today? Yes. One more time for Trevor Cook. What is up, Madison, Wisconsin? How you doing?

I gotta be honest with you guys. March was the worst month of my life. The girl of my dreams left... You fucking said you added it? The girl of my dreams left me. My best friend kicked me out of the house I was living in, and I

lost part of my thumb. And it's all because I didn't share one of those bad luck Facebook posts to five of my friends. It's ridiculous. I look like a cross between Bobby Hill and a grown-up version of Tommy Pickles. I recently found out my ex-wife is pregnant. I messaged her I was like, Destiny, I heard you're pregnant. She's like, lol, yeah. I was like, what happened? Did your fiance say he was leaving you? I often get told that I look like a school shooter.

Meow, meow, meow, meow! That's my impression of a cat that I gave acid to. That's all. Wow. Hell yeah. There you go. Here he is, Trevor Cook. Or as I call him, Brock Lesnar with leukemia. Welcome to the show, Trevor.

First time doing stand-up? 14th. 14th time ever. I love it. That is so fucking cool. Did you just start in March when the whole crazy month happened? April, yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

You're wearing an Army hat. Were you in the Army? Yeah, I've been in five years. Oh, awesome. Hell yeah, an Army hat. Were you in the Army? Yeah, I've been in five years. Oh, awesome. Hell yeah. An American hero. And the first fit person to be on the stage tonight. The first person who's not borderline morbidly obese. So congratulations to you on that, Trevor.

I have the Army to thank for that, I guess. Yeah, no, that's true. Have you served overseas at all? Yeah, I deployed in 2016 to Kuwait and Iraq. Wow. Can you share with us anything that you saw over there that we might find interesting or that's different? I saw another soldier die. Yeah, what happened there? It was actually, it wasn't what you were expecting. It was a simple car accident. Just a regular old car accident? They had a flat tire

and they ended up rolling over three times and there was a lieutenant in the car that smashed his head up against the side frame. I was taking EMT classes at the time because they have college programs and I actually tried assisting

and respirating him and he was far gone wow yes Call of Duty style wow that's incredible Red Bond my goodness so wow that's crazy and you perform mouth-to-mouth on him no I couldn't there was just too much blood Imouth on him? No, I couldn't. There was just too much blood, I guess. There was too much blood? I couldn't even open his airway. His tongue was swollen and shit. How did you try to open his airway? They teach you this thing in the EMT class called the head-tilt-chin maneuver. I just tried it, and he just... I think he was brain-dead by the time I got to him.

Yeah, probably. Wow. So, probably. Wow, so Trevor. Wow, any more stories of soldiers dying that you can tell? Gosh. What happened to your accent there? What happened? I thought you were Australian.

I'm Australian. What are you talking about? Okay, just making sure. Seems like to acknowledge a low part of the show, seems like you went a little bit American there for a second. No, I don't know what you're talking about, mate. All right, very good. So March was a bad month for you.

Yes. Tell us more about the month of March. So I had a girlfriend at the time. How long were you with her for? About seven months. Seven months. Seven. And then what happened? She broke up with me the

same day that my best friend was kicking me out of my house. Wait, what? She broke up with me the same day my best friend was gonna kick me out of my house. Why? She was fucking the best friend? No. No, no, no. She was. I'm letting you know right now. I wasn't asking

you. I'm telling you. My best friend doesn't like heavyset women, and I do. Whoa. How heavy is this chick? Was she the car that killed your buddy overseas? Heck yeah. An army of one over there, huh? You fucking hook up with your own tank? Tried to. No No she wasn't that heavy Maybe 200 Hell yeah look at you

You like them fucking My ex-wife I can't say the same thing Yeah what about your ex-wife? She's like probably 300 Probably what? Probably 300 It is very common in a lot of species For the males to be much smaller than the females.

Is there a reason, do you think? Is your mom a bigger lady? Because, I don't know, maybe I creep people out. My mom is. Your mom is a bigger lady. But also, they can make it through the winters out here. Yeah, exactly. I'm just trying to survive.

Guys like ladies that remind them of their moms. Are you aware of this? It's true. I heard about it. If you had to guess how much your mom weighs, what would you guess? If you were working at a circus and your mom walked up and you're like, I will guess

your weight, what would you say? 250? Yeah, you're damn right. So there you go. You had one that was 300, one that was 200. You see what's happening here? You're splitting the difference. You're like a half-circumcised penis. I just, I don't know. I just never had a chance with a skinny

woman. It's like that scene in Star Wars, you know? When there's that creature in the middle of the winter that he has to cover up with, and they use a lightsaber to get inside of. That's exactly what it's like. Wow. Was there any time that being with the bigger lady, your ex-wife in particular,

is there any time that you noticed something about her weight? Did she have food in her teeth or poop in her butt? Oh, no. Was there ever anything a little extra sloppy or anything like that that you could tell us about? Or did she have a fat girl's name like Lucille or something like that? Oh, Lucille's not a fat girl's name.

Fat girls are Kathy, Catherine, Kat, Lily is a good fat girl name. Parmesan? Parmesan. Did she have a fat girl name? Was she Katie?

No, her name was Destiny. Destiny. Oh, shit. Oh, God. Wow. Destiny to the stage. Hell yeah. Do you ever come and then you realize later you weren't even fucking a vagina?

Because I went with a fat girl once and I was just fucking the wrong part. Heck yeah. A man who claims to have an eight inch dick put it in the wrong hole. Sure. It wasn't a hole. I was seriously fucking her stomach or something. Eight inches into her stomach. Belly button.

Sorry, Red Band. I don't have a problem hitting the correct spot. Yeah. Well. Hold on. Let's just let him answer this question that I asked him a minute ago. Hey, can you suck your own dick? Okay, okay.

I've tried it once. What was your approach? Did you go feet over the head or did you take the Red Band approach? No, I was on the toilet. Wow. Look at you. Trying to multitask. Yeah, that's the Red Band approach.

Yeah, respect the troops. Isn't it strange I made that Star Wars analogy and then he said that his girlfriend's name was Destiny? Why? Because, Luke, it is your destiny. Okie dokie. So, Trevor, I asked you earlier if there was ever a time in which things got a little bit crazy because it was a big girl. Did you ever notice anything odd about it?

Anything odd about having sex with a big woman? Yeah. Like, was there ever a time in which you were like, Jesus, this is too much fucking work or something like that? Like, did you ever, like... Typically, they have bigger asses, and I like that, but it's so hard when there's just so much. But it's attached to the rest of the fat around it. Yes.

That's the only problem. You can't copy and paste the fat buttocks into a smaller being. I don't have much issues. I just let them get on top because I like suffocating. Oh, you do? Hold on. You like them on top because I like suffocating. Oh, you do? Hold on. You like them on top? You like suffocating?

Yeah. Wow. You fucking love punishment. Do you choke yourself sometimes? Not myself. Do you have girls choke you? Yeah. I have done it before.

Did you just answer the question for him after you asked it? I think you did. No. Yeah, you did. You just said, do you ever have girls choke you? Yeah. You nodded. You did. I love it. Trevor Cook.

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and holy shit, it's really spicy. If you like spicy food, I recommend this jerky. It was also extremely delicious. And beef jerky is great for staying healthy. It's a high-energy snack loaded with protein. So go to peopleschoicebeefjerky.com. They have a diverse line of products and flavors. And if you use the promo code TONYHOT,

you're going to get 20% off your order of the Nashville Hot Beef Jerky. So once more, that's peopleschoicebeefjerky.com and use the promo code TONYHOT for 20% off your order with the Nashville Hot Beef Jerky. Heck yeah. I guess I'll have to go buy some to get up to par with some of these other comedians. You should probably buy a couple bags for your lady.

Yeah. And now that you got kicked out of your place in March, what's your living situation now? I unfortunately live... I had to move back in with my parents. Oh, you moved back in with your parents, so now you have your mom to hang out with, huh?

You just jerk off listening to her pee in the morning? I get the basement. I'm one of those. Moving back in with your parents is only typical in homo sapien form. You will never see a lion leave his pride and then move back

in with his parents years later. I love it. Well, Trevor, I'll tell you this, man. You were a lot of fun up here. You fucking get it. You answered all the questions honestly, and I had a blast with you, dude. Fun fucking time. How about a hand for this goddamn American hero

serving us across the world in Kuwait and Iraq? It's Trevor Cook. Hell yeah, buddy. There he goes. Interesting that Trevor looks like the only guy that doesn't live in his parents' basement,

but he is the only guy up here tonight that does live in his parents' basement. Let's see what happens next. To make some noise for your next comedian, Brad Kamichak, or Kamichie, K-M-I-E-C-I-A-Y. However the fuck you'd ever say that in a million years. Kimchi? Yeah, I guess.

Kimichiak. Kimichiak. There he is. Here he comes. There he is. You got women, you got women on your mind. In the summertime, you can make it a good, really fine. One more time for Brad, everybody.

How's it going, Madison? This isn't a popular opinion, but some races are not as good as other races. I was watching the Kentucky Derby the other day. That's a big build-up for a shit race. That's a big build-up for a shit race. I was helping my transgender friend move a couch. And I was like, all right, you ready?

She goes, I was born ready. If you say so Absolutely Wow, that went fast A minute from Brad How do you say your last name? Kamichak Kamichak Yeah, I know, it's, yeah Fuck yeah, and how long your last name? Kamichak. Kamichak. Yeah, I know.

It's, yeah. Fuck yeah. And how long have you been... Nice Kamichak. Oh, wow. There you go. There we go. Right.

Perfect timing with that one. Just came in swinging. Tony Hot One is the promo code. That's right. Well, it's actually not. It's just Tony Hot. I want to make sure that people don't get confused. Tony Hot, which is also the. It's just Tony Hot. I want to make sure that people don't get confused. Tony Hot.

Which is also the password to his laptop. Yes. That's Hot Tony. Tony Hot. I love that you couldn't wait to use that joke. Waiting for me to poke you when you interrupt me on my opening line. That's not his wife's. You used it there. Hey, you're the one

whose voice cracked earlier, you big fat fucking pussy. Shut the fuck up. Look at Jackie Derry. How long have you been running the Vice Network for? Remind us. Exactly. You're a big boy, huh? What are you, about 5'4", 5'5"?

5'6". Sure you are. You look like Santa Claus the reboot. Okay, so Brad, you've been doing stand-up comedy a little while, right? First time. First time. That's really good for the first time. I liked your I was born ready joke.

Really good, man. Really good. Is this something you've always wanted to do? Yeah, I guess so. How old are you? 31. 31 years old. What have you been doing with your life up until this point?

I've been a machinist for a long time. What kind of machines? Ice cream? Nope. Just making shit out of metal. Making shit out of metal. Hell yeah. Fucking man stuff. Yeah. What else? Machinist.

That's it? You got good at machining and that's all you do? I've been doing it for 15 years. Heck yeah. You in some type of union or something like that? Nope. Nope. Never got into a union.

And it never had to. Hell yeah. Why are you shaped like that? Wisconsin. What's your excuse? A lot of beer curls. Uh-huh. Yes.

Now, are you wearing camouflage shoes so other people can relate to you not being able to see your feet either? That's great. That's a great fucking joke. No one needs to see what's going on down there. Well, soon after the diabetes hits, you won't have to worry about that at all.

So, Brad, what do you do when you're not machining? When you're not being a machinist? The guy shaped like the machine, Bert Kreischer. Thank God you keep your shirt on. We wish he would take a hint sometime. He stole my act. What?

I don't even know what you said. Don't worry about it. I won't worry about it. I was just about to start worrying. So what do you do when you're not machining? I like bow hunting. Bow hunting? Yeah.

Wow. Do you hunt? Yeah. And do you eat what you kill? Yes, I do. Do you ever dry it out and eat it like beef jerky? Because I want to tell you about People's Choice Beef Jerky. LA's original small batch beef jerky.

Nashville hot. Use the promo code TONYHOT. Get 20% off your order. What do you like to hunt? You ever hunt any bison? No. You never went bison hunting? You never went up to Idaho on your way from Salt Lake City to Boise

and you saw a bison on the side of the road and you're like, I'm going to fucking kill this bison and eat it. And then you kill it, and it's just a gray cow? Yeah. No, I've never bison hunted. That's never been my thing. White-tailed deer? What happened?

Just deer? White-tailed deer, yeah. White-tailed deer. White, beautiful creatures, beautiful. Do you ever feel bad? Or no, you don't give a shit? Like, do you ever... No, I mean, it's not like a...

Just a, you know, an easy thing. It's not something you just... There you go, deer. Yeah, no, it's... Get in the back of my truck. You respect the animal if you're really into it. Heck yeah. You've even made love to one of them, correct?

Now, let's check in with Jimmy Nolan over there. Now, do you typically have a ceremony or anything after you've killed your prey? Do you go over there and you kneel down and take a moment or anything like that? Because I've seen people do that sometimes. Do you ever do that? Do you ever take a selfie? Not a moment. No, no. Do you ever do that? Just selfie? Not a moment.

No, no. But you just said a moment ago that it was so hard for you sometimes to kill the creature. But as soon as you kill it, you're like, I'm ready to eat. Papa's ready. Despite the way I look, no, I actually drag it out of the woods. I gut it. Sometimes I butcher it. Sometimes I take it in to get it butchered.

Something like that. Do you ever feel bad? No. Maybe you should. Wow. Alright. Remind me, how long have you been one of the Pawn Stars from the hit show Pawn Stars?

What else do you do for fun when you're not hunting? What's the sitch? You have a girlfriend? Yeah, I do. How long have you been with her? Nine months. A couple years. A couple years. And how long did you have to hunt her before she agreed? Where'd you meet her at?

We met through friends. First time you hung out, what'd you do? We hooked up. Yeah? You just went straight to the hookup? Wow. Yes.

Just like, hey, wow, looks like we just catfished each other. Let's do this anyway. Just straight to the hookup? We did actually, like, match on Tinder ahead of time. Wow. Before I met her through the friends, but yeah. Do you have a special kind of Tinder for people that look like lumberjacks?

Like Timber or something like that? I fucking wish. Is it just regular human Tinder? I think it's called Binder. It's called JuggalosDate.com What was the mating ritual like? What was your first hookup like?

Did anything stand out to you? Did you last long? Did you come pretty quickly? You seem like the guy that would come pretty quickly and be like, oh, it never happens, blah, blah, blah. No, it happens a lot. Yeah, but you would lie about it. I know it happens a lot, but you would lie about it.

No, no, no. The first time, though, I always do a good job, yeah. Really? Yeah. Take your time. The first time, though, I always do a good job. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. The first job is you got to nail it. Yeah. The first time, it's always like.

That's how you get the call back. 40 minutes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I like your style, man. Do you keep your shirt on when you have sex? First time? No, no, no.

Now, how about when you go swimming? Do you keep your shirt on when you go swimming? You seem like you would keep your shirt on when you go swimming. No, I don't give a shit. Really? Fuck them. My goodness. I like your style.

Do you have any tattoos or anything like that? Oh, shitty ones, yeah. Really? What's the shittiest tattoo that you have? Wow. Let me see it. Look at that. That's incredible.

Wait, let me see that one. I didn't get to see that one over there. I saw that one, but not that one. Oh, it's just two chicks. I like that. That's incredible. Wait, let me see that one. I didn't get to see that one over there. I saw that one, but not that one. Oh, it's just two chicks. I like that. That's not shitty. Oh my God. Look at that. That's incredible. You look like the back door to a strip club. Yeah, the back of a truck.

Yeah, for you podcast listeners, it's the silhouette of two chicks on mud flaps on semi-trucks. Yeah. That's where the two tattoos above his teats are. Dude, it could be a lot worse, man. It's the silhouette of two chicks on mud flaps on semi-trucks. That's where the two tattoos above his teats are. Dude, it could be a lot worse, man. You could have the counting crows on there or something like that. You could have one of Red Band's tattoos.

I get the feeling that none of the women you've hooked up with are shaped like the women on your chest, though. Am I right? A little bit bigger? Incorrect. Really? You like them skinnier, so it's like a reverse of the last comedian. It's just all over. Whatever. Oh, just all over. Heck yeah. Like an autistic guy's order at Taco Bell. I like that. It's all over

the place. We got a thumbs up there. You could say the whole spectrum. Well, Brad, I mean, you did it. What did we talk? Did we get an answer out of you? You've done this a few times? Never.

Never before. First time ever. And you did it here on Killed Sony in Madison, Wisconsin. You're born and raised here? No, I'm actually from Milwaukee. From Milwaukee. Oh, wow. Look at that.

A little fun fact about you We don't like Milwaukee Yeah no shit We were there a few days ago we didn't like it We didn't like the episode we didn't like the hotel We didn't like the people out of the bucket So you're just gonna have to face the facts Milwaukee that you might like us

But we don't have to like you Can I just say Go ahead yes I can tell something's brewing over here I went to that you. Can I just say? Go ahead, yes. I can tell something's brewing over here. No, I went to that show, and I was like, fuck it, I'm buying a ticket to Madison. Hopefully I get up to semi-redeem what the fuck happened there. You didn't like it either, right?

Well, I mean, there were some good people that caught up, but a lot of wet blankets. Yes, we were all literally depressed after that show. And if you're wondering how often that happens in the history of this show, never. Never not once have we been depressed. I guess Manchester, England, but we all had full-blown food poisoning that we had to go to the hospital. We should have gone to a hospital for it. But think about that. Milwaukee was worse than that to us. After the show, Tony turns to us and goes,

hey, do you guys maybe just want to go back and go to bed or something? You say it like I invited us all to sleep in the same bed together. Hey, you guys want to maybe just all go take a nap or something, all of us? That night, we used each other's body warmth for heat. We survived the depression that was Milwaukee,

and we strived again and came to Madison later that week. Heck yeah. body warmth. We survived the depression. It was Milwaukee. We strived again and came to Madison later that week. I love it. Brad Kamiciak. There he goes. His first time ever on Kill Tony. His first time ever on stage. He went to Milwaukee.

He saw what happened. He made the trip and he fucking did it. Come on. Make some noise for Brad. How about a hand for this band killing it tonight? New songs between every comedian. They learn these songs every day. Every day.

Like a half hour before the show, Jeremiah learns his songs. They look up bands from the city. They think about the part of the tour. I think obviously they apply other characters to it. Fun fact about Madison, Garbage is from Madison. That's the only

famous band from Madison. Every other band from Madison is literally garbage. Do the math on that one. Let's see what your next comedian is shaped like. Put your hands together for Andy Weigman, everyone.

The Bucket of Destiny has spoken, and it has called Andy Weigman. There it comes. Shut up and touch the sky when the weather it comes. You can sit right up and touch the sky when the weather is hot. You got women, you got women.

Here comes Andy Weigman. Here he is. Andy Weigman, live from Madison, Wisconsin. Woo! I just say woo a lot sometimes. Woo? Woo woo?

Woo! Woo! Actually, today is a special day today. It's Premature Ejaculation Day. Woo! It actually came early this year. I've got a nephew, a newborn nephew.

It's not really an accomplishment for me, but I have it. I'm not going to wipe it or change a diaper at all because I don't like wiping my own ass. It's gross, dude. Poop is gross, right? Red band. Red band. Oh, fuck. Try harder. I hear that a lot.

My wife told... Thank God. Andy Weigman. You got through a little bit of that. Heck yeah. Andy Weigman, for those of you listening to the podcast, looks like Tom Segura's attorney. Andy, first time ever on stage, correct? Yes. Hell yeah.

There you go. The goat of the first time. Congratulations. Heck yeah. Welcome to the show, Andy. Thank you. I thought more people would sign up so I wouldn't have to come up here. Oh, look at you, making excuses already. I bet that's worked for you

up until this point in your life, but it's not going to save you here. Welcome, Andy. How old are you? I am 36. 36 years old, and you just had your first time ever on stage. You have a kid? No kids.

What babies' ass were you talking about wiping? I've got a nephew. Oh, a nephew. Yeah. There you go. Okay, that makes sense. Is that the uncle's job to wipe the nephew's ass? In white culture, yes, Joel, yes.

The nephew is the person responsible. The uncle is responsible for wiping the nephew's ass. They wipe around the circumcised penis, too, and they just keep wiping, wiping, wiping away. By the way, you looked at Redman when he said poop is gross. He's never going to agree with you.

Yeah. Why is it gross? You used to love it when you ate it. What happens in six hours? Yeah, what's the deal with that? Andy, what do you do for work? I'm a dental technician. Hey, you're a dental assistant.

Technician. No, you're an assistant. You're an assistant. You know what it is. You said it's the same thing. You see that? I used the fucking Jedi Force on him right then. It's the same thing.

Yes, it is the same thing. Another Star Wars reference. Crazy. Jedi Force on him right then. It's the same thing. Yes, it is the same thing. Another Star Wars reference. Crazy. Do you know your father, Andy? Yes, I do. Yeah, what does he do? He's a police officer. No. No? What's he? He works at a hardware store.

He works at a hardware store. That's interesting. Ace True Value. Wow. It's the friendly hardware place. Yep, yep. You know, if you go to Ace Hardware Store and you use the code TONYHOT, you get a free Allen wrench. In your butt.

Yeah, in your butt. Make it about the butthole. It's got to be about the butthole. Can I just say, too, in the middle of your set, you got the saddest thing to ever happen. Someone goes, just keep trying. Yeah, it really was. A too, in the middle of your set, you got the saddest thing to ever happen. Someone goes, just keep trying. Yeah, it really was.

A young lady in the audience thought that you were going to kill yourself halfway through your set. Wow. Andy, you're a dental technician. How long have you been doing that for? Eight years. Eight years. The dentist that you work with, is he a nice guy?

Yeah, my dentist is pretty nice. Yep. You're a dentist? I don't work with a dentist, but I work for a dentist. Oh, so what do you do exactly? I make implants, crowns, dentures. We just had someone on last night's show in Chicago that did that. It may have even been Milwaukee.

But anyway, a lot of people in these parts lose their teeth a lot. So that's something to think about. Do you have implants? Are these fake teeth that I'm looking at right now? I've got one fake one. Yeah, what happened to yours? It was an old injury. Mine too. I once

when I was a little kid, we had this street right next to where I lived called Thornton Avenue, which was a very steep hill. And me and my friends thought that we were being smart because in Little Rascals or one of those movies, they build their own go-karts. So we're like, yeah, we're going to build our own fucking go-kart and take it down this hill.

But all we were really able to do was we took one piece of plywood and we put it on the floor of one of those scooters, right? Yeah. Right? So I basically sat down on this scooter and the handlebars are up here and I went down a hill. I don't know what the fuck I thought was going to happen,

but once it really picked up speed, and it was in a street too, so I tried to go off the curb. I tried to get off the street to slow down because I was eventually going to die uh and when I did though this things went like that and pow it hit my front tooth and uh split it in half yeah same here yeah two front teeth are fake wow two front teeth wow I thought you only had breast implants right man I didn't realize that was a breast reduction, Tony. I realized you also had dental implants.

I was waiting, and I still loved it. Andy, what did you do to break your tooth? I jumped off an inner tube. Ah, in the snow? No, it wasn't snow. It was just in the yard during the summer. Now, this is a species of American we call white trash.

Yeah, there was just an inner tube in the front yard, like on the grass. On the grass. And you're on the inner tube and you jump. Like the inside? Yeah, the inner tube. You blow them up. The inside of a tire, were you going to say? We know what the fucking inner tube is.

Thanks, Jobar. You jumped off and you jumped on the grass and you hit your mouth on what? The grass? The ground, yeah. Knocked the tooth out. The front yard? Yeah, the baby's inner yard. Wow, that's interesting. I was expecting maybe a rock to perhaps be in the yard or something

like that, but no. I don't really remember. Oh, you probably got concussed too. Look at that. So you're 36 years old. You're a dental technician. What else? Tell us more about you, Andy. I DJ wedding reception sometimes. Get the fuck out of here.

Really? Can you give us a little example of what you would sound like in between songs? Like, what would you say? Put your hands together for the bride and groom. That's it? And then you say? Put your hands together for the bride and groom. That's it? And then they say their names. Wow. Put your

hands together for the bride and groom. What risks you take artistically at your job, Andy. That is incredible. Do you ever mix up your jobs and you start announcing things while you're taking out people's teeth and stuff like that? Could you give us an example of that?

I'm trying to help you out here, mate. Open up your mouth real wide. We're coming in hot. Wow. Hell yeah. Sounds like the kind of guy that's about to jump off an inner tube in his front yard.

Wow. Andy, who are some of your comedic favorites? Who are some of your favorite comedians? I listen to Your Mom's House a lot, Tom Segura. Yeah. I mean, has anyone ever told you you literally have a face like him? Like, if you shaved your head down to a three, you would basically be you would at least be like the Tom

Segura that is like the Instagram filter over Garth Brooks, basically. You'd at least pass for that. It is incredible. You have a very Segura-like face. What's the best toothpaste? Which one would you recommend? Well, I go with

Oral-B. Why? Because you love oral. Hell yeah. Does it have something in it that all the other ones don't have? I don't know. They get two packs. I could answer these questions for you, Brian. What do you use?

What do you like? Honestly, I go back and forth. Right now I'm experimenting with one of those charcoal toothpaste. But I've decided on this tour specifically that I hate it because it just fucking gets everywhere. I have an electric toothbrush, so if I put it on there and just start doing it, the entire bathroom turns black eventually. It looks like every hotel bathroom I've been in is doing blackface

by the time I'm done with it. But no, one thing that I've noticed is just the fucking normal old fucking cheap travel goddamn regular fucking whitening everything. All the chemicals, you know? Just an honest toothpaste.

Good old honest toothpaste. I use Gorilla Piss as mouthwash. It works great. Yeah. I love all toothpaste. I use Gorilla Piss as mouthwash. It works great. Yeah. Yeah. I love all toothpaste because, you know, it's a big deal. And tooth because of tooth. You know what I mean?

It's something that everybody sees is your teeth. And, yes, preach indeed. There's a guy with no teeth talking about it from the back. Three out of four dentists recommend Chris and the fourth one in Australia recommends chameleon jism. Yeah. Four because of four.

Tooth because of tooth. Andy, it was a pleasure to have you up here tonight. Congratulations on getting pulled. There he goes, Andy Weigman. We're having a lot of fun. Hire him for your wedding. Andy Weigman, if you like super basic white dudes

DJing your wedding, put your hands together for the bride and the groom. Whoa! How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? Madison, how many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? Madison, how many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Wow. Even the guy that did bad earlier likes the people that do bad.

You must be proud of yourself. All right. Put your hands together for Craig Smith, everyone. Craig Smith is your next comedian. Kill Tony live, Madison, Wisconsin. I believe he's coming from the second level. Jesus, why is everyone upstairs? This is very exciting.

For those of you listening, it's a very intimate yet large venue in which it's extremely high up in the air and not that deep. Really cool. We like it. You guys having fun? All right. I guess I believe you. Here he is, Craig Smith, everybody!

Oh, man, what's up, what's up? As y'all can see, I'm the first black dude to come up here. Appreciate it. Sometimes it's hard to find stuff to do out here in Madison. One thing I like to do is I like to go to Tannins and Lonsdags for refunds. Just one of the only few things you could do in Madison if you got some melanin. One of my friends, like, one thing I had to to realize, like I had, I need to get my hair cut now, but I used to have an afro, right? And one of my friends had like long, luxurious

hair and then he cut it, showed up bald. I'm like, damn, how did you, why did you do that? He was like, well, I donated my hair to cancer. I'm like, well, damn, I want to do something like that, get some good karma on my side, you know? So I cut my hair and I bag it up, take it down to the place. Turns out they don't take afro hair at these places. You hand a cancer patient a bag of afro hair, they just think you're giving them a bag of pubes. Nobody really

wants that. Now I got a bunch of angry cancer patients looking at me all mad in the face, where at least what I can only assume was anger. They didn't have hair on their eyebrows, couldn't really read their facial expressions, you know? Fuck yeah. Craig Smith coming in hot.

Killing. Very fun set. Craig, you been doing stand-up a little while? I rap for way longer, but I've been doing stand-up for two years now. Two years? God damn, you have the set of the night so far tonight. Oh shit, appreciate it, man. Thank you. So exciting. Representing the Legion of Skanks so far tonight. Oh, shit. Appreciate it, man. Thank you.

So exciting. Representing the Legion of Skanks on the shirt. We are so excited. We're rolling into Skank Fest Hot next week, New York City, with a second show at the Gramercy Theater. Tickets still available? I wish. I submitted, but they didn't take me, so.

Hell yeah. Well, I mean, this is exactly how you get into things like that. You fucking grind it out, make an imprint here, and we'll put in a word for you with Lewis. Next time he sees the name Craig Smith, fucking take it from Wisconsin. We'll literally tell him. We'll go, this guy's the only black guy in Wisconsin.

Help him, please. Help him. I need the help, man. Appreciate it. Is that true about the hair? I never even thought about that. Like black hair? help, man. Appreciate it. Is that true about the hair? I never even thought about that. But like black hair? Yeah, sure.

I never really tried, but I would assume so. You ever seen Afro hair bagged up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. I saw some on the ground the other day in Milwaukee. Yeah, it looked like pubes, don't it? No. The only Afro hair I've ever seen bagged up was in a body bag after the Wisconsin police had to have a talk with someone.

Yeah, that sounds about right. So, Craig, tell us what it's like being you. Are you born and raised in Madison? No, I'm from Chicago. I moved up here when I was 20. You moved up here. Why did you move from Chicago. I moved up here when I was 20. You moved up here. Why'd you move from Chicago to here? Well,

I don't know if you heard, but it's a lot of bad stuff happening in Chicago to people like me. I'm from the south side, so my uncle moved up. I was going to say it's like a buffet out here for thick white women, that's why. That's another plus, but get them cheese curds.

We were just having... We were literally having a blast on the south side of Chicago last night. We went to the White Sox game where they beat the Yankees 10-2. We represented the White Sox. We got hats right before the game and fucking rolled in there wearing all black like thugs.

We just mixed in with everybody. I even did blackface for the occasion. It was very exciting I'm sure nobody noticed it was perfect so now what now that you moved up here when you were 20 now what do you do up here

now I work out in Deerfield putting AEDs together automatic external defibrillator somebody have a heart attack they hit the emergency thing I put put it on, call the ambulance. Wow, look at you. And you rap, and you build AEDs. You're like Silk the Shocker.

Yeah, something like that. I actually rapped on this stage a lot of times over the years. Really? Well, why don't we do it again right now? Oh, shit. How many of you want to hear Craig Smith rap right now? We got a lot of country music fans in this audience, but let's hear it, Craig. Let it rip. Don't even know where to start

and my flow is lethargic. The flow is the hardest. More weight than a car. You knew that regardless, so let me restart it. My flow is the illest. Feel all competition. You want me to... Keep the beat going. I freestyle. Fucking don't kill Tony at the Majestic. And you already know it since in life you guessed it. I really didn't want to

rap. He manifested. I'm coming off the top. I'm not anorexic. As you can see, I you guessed it. I really didn't want to rap. He manifested. I'm coming off the top. I'm not anorexic. As you can see, I'm getting fat. I ain't got a six pack. Shout out to Tupac. Some people say he Tupac. Whatever I can say.

I really wish I was funny. This is not the day for me to be rapping. Throw up a hand. Shout out to Henry Tubes and Samara. They more than a fan. They fucking comedians. Who else didn't go up? Brooke Whitehead and Rory. Gotta give it up. Alright, I'll

suck now. I ain't really finna keep going. That was great. That was fantastic, Craig. I love it. You got this place in a frenzy. You know how to work a room. Do you have a rap name that you go by when you're normally rapping?

I'm just gonna be honest with you. by when you're normally rapping? Yes. I'm just going to be honest with you. Craig Smith doesn't seem that edgy. No, it's not, man. When I was young, I wanted to change my name to like Mustafa or something, you know. Yeah. Something cool. But no, Sincere Life is my rap name, and it's on Spotify albums, all of that stuff.

What is it again? Sincere Life, regular spelling, S-I-N-C-E-R-E-L-I-F-E. Two names. I love it. Sincere Life. That is so fucking cool. Appreciate it, man. It's funny because out here MC means most calories. Mega. And I asked you what you do for a living, right? Yeah, yeah.

Work in Deerfield. AED thing. Work in Deerfield. AED. Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, she here with me tonight. Yeah? Yeah, shout out to Samantha. She here. Samantha, that's a white girl's name. Is she a white girl? Yeah, she a white girl. Wow, look at that.

Hell yeah. Fucking all up in them curds, you know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Where'd you meet her at? We actually used to work together about five, six years ago when I was working at Shopbop. What's that? What's that?

It's a huge website that sells like $600 jeans, $1,000 shirts to rich white girls. Oh, damn. Look at that. You used to do that? I used to work in the librarian part. Mundane stuff. Something missing out of the inventory, I got to work in the librarian part. Mundane stuff. Something missing out of the inventory, I got to go find it. If the models need to put new products on, I got to take it back

that to them. Stuff like that. Heck yeah. You ever have any problems with the cops here in Wisconsin? One thing we've noticed is that in Wisconsin specifically, and you guys might not know this because you live here, but people are definitely afraid of the police much more than much more than anywhere else. Crazy police state here. Yeah. I was telling them today that after being in Milwaukee and where else were we? There was somewhere else, right? Appleton.

Yes. After after hanging out, we're realizing what the police state is like in this state. I have confirmed that I definitely think Stephen Avery did not do it. I have confirmed that I definitely think Stephen Avery did not do it. I really now, after everything, I believe that those fucking guys definitely framed him. Yeah, most of us believe that. It's quite frightening to think. Like, I would truly be afraid if I lived here.

I mean, not me personally. Like, I don't think it would happen to me. But I'd be afraid for, like, my autistic buddy autistic buddy over there. I don't want him to get framed for every murder that happens at a Taco Bell. That guy did it for sure. He probably did do it. I don't know, man. The worst thing, one thing I say about

Madison Police compared to Chicago Police, at least when they pulling up, they say, hey, I'm officer whatever, and this is what I pulled you over for. In Chicago, the first thing they say is do you got dope or guns in the car and they don't want to hear nothing else. They actually mad if you got weed. So that's the

biggest thing. I'm grateful that they asked me for my ID and all of that and just keep it regular. All the extra stuff is what I don't want. I love that. What does your white girlfriend do now? Does she still work at the fancy jeans place?

Nah, nah, she got a way better job Doing stuff for lawyers Stuff for what? Heck yeah How much roses does she make every night? You say what? Nothing, no one knows what you're talking about I love it man I love it dude What poses does she make every night? You say what? Nothing. No one knows what you're talking about.

I love it, man. I love it, dude. Well, Craig, you were amazing tonight. Fucking unbelievable performance on stage. Hey, appreciate that, man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. For real.

And I mean it. I'm going to tell Louis J that next year a guy named Craig Smith applies to really watch your tape. Bruh, thank you, Tony. I appreciate that, man. I swear to God I'm going to do it. Craig Smith, everybody. Appreciate it, y'all. Thank you, majestic. I appreciate that, man. Craig Smith, everybody. Thank you, Majestic. He's on social media at SincereLife7.

Yeah, definitely. We're at an hour 40. You guys think we should go to the bucket one more time, huh? Okay, let's see what happens here Put your hands together for Joe Malloy, everyone Joe Malloy I think he's trying to top again Here we go, Joe Malloy

From the ledge, my friend again. Here we go. Joe Malloy. From that ledge, my friend, cause you gotta step back from that ledge. Hey, I wish that you would step back from that ledge. Hey, how I wish that you would step back from that motherfucking ledge, my friend. Hey!

Joe Malloy is coming, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. Hey! Joe Malloy is coming, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. Hey! Joe Malloy! So I have the head of a much taller, more successful man. Yeah, you guys see that? From the neck up, I'm destined for greatness.

The rest of my body, it's like already retired gymnastics coach. Is that what's... yeah I won my fourth and fifth grade science fair. That is my greatest academic achievement ever. I've been riding that wave of accomplishment for 20 years. Yeah my head looked like young Einstein. The rest of me dropped out of college three times. Yeah, cool. I've been trying to be happier lately, right? So I asked a friend for some advice.

He said, you want to be happy or easy? You just stop watching the news. I was like, I've been not watching the news for years. I don't think that works on me. He's like, no, no, no. He's trying to prove his point. He's like, just look at my baby. Look how happy my baby is.

I don't let it watch the news. He's like, buddy, no, no. He's trying to prove his point. He's like, just look at my baby. Look how happy my baby is. I don't let it watch the news. He's like, buddy, your baby's not happy. Your baby is ignorant. Teach it things. It'll get sad. It's happened to every other baby. Cool. There you go. Joe Malloy, everybody. Wow.

You look like Zach Galifianakis with a cheat code. Your aspect ratio is all off. Big head mode on Grand Theft Auto or something. There you go. I think you look like a creepy French guy. You look like if Richard Branson

was actually still a virgin. You look like if Richard Branson was actually still a virgin. You do have an interesting, interesting look about you. You paint? You seem like you paint. No. No? No. Do you have a giant tricycle that you ride sometimes? You seem like you have a giant tricycle. No room for it.

Unicycle? No. Kayak? No. Do you have a kayak? I do. It's outside. I could see you in a kayak. No. Kayak? No. Do you have a kayak? I do. It's outside. Yeah, I could see that. What? It's outside? I could see you in a kayak. Do you play violin?

No. Weird. Yeah. All right. Okay. That's fair. Joe, tell us about you. What do you do?

Comedy, believe that or not. How long have you been doing stand-up? Like a year and a half. Year and a half. Yep. What do you do for work? I work at a real estate company doing and a half. What do you do for work? I work at a real estate company doing marketing and

business. What do you do? Are you the big head of the company? Kind of. Yeah, that's really... I can't tell what it is. Is it the fact that you're wearing... I think it's because you're wearing a small jacket. Yeah, I think that's what it is. Is that what it is? Unzip your jacket for a second. Can you do me that favor? There you go. That helps a little bit. You know what? Maybe's what it is. Is that what it is? Unzip your jacket for a second. Can you do me that favor?

There you go. That helps a little bit. You know what? Maybe take the jacket off. Can we see? Do you want it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me.

I want to see if... I think it is. It is. You're wearing a tiny flesh-colored jacket. Yeah, that jacket's two sizes too small, my friend. There you go. Okay. That's sort of better.

That's better. You don't really have shoulders. I think that's a big part of the problem. Hey, okay. You don't have... From you? think that's a big part of the problem. Hey, okay. From you? From you? Okay. Yes, I actually have what people consider to be extremely broad shoulders.

Okay. Especially, I mean, compared to yours. Especially broad shoulders? I mean, you have tiny shoulders and a big head. You know this, though, right? I do. I do. Okay, very good.

The first joke about my head. I know I have a big head. Uh-huh. Thanks. Yeah. Okay, Joe.. The first joke about my head. I know I have a big head. Uh-huh. Thanks. Yeah. Okay, Joe. What do you do for fun? Now we're going to need you to take your pants off.

Just strictly for studies only. No, no, don't take your pants off. Has anybody ever told you that you look like you were born between a badger and a flamingo? Interesting. Okay. He would know badger and a flamingo. Interesting. He would know. He's a wildlife expert. So what do you do for fun, Joe? A lot of comedy. Other than comedy.

You got a kayak, so you kayak. That's one thing. You keep naming things. I do some film shit. A lot of related stuff to that. And how old are the children in the films? If you don't ask, you don't have to. What are you afraid of, Joe?

What scares you? Anything ever keep you up at night? You ever stare at your... Just crushing loneliness. That's worthless life. You a pretty lonely guy? Not really. You have a girlfriend?

A couple. Couple girlfriends? Really? What the fuck? Wow. In some species, this is completely normal. Yeah, that's true. Huh.

Yeah. Wow. You have sex with both of them? Do they know about each other? They do. Are they both here right now? You're looking back and forth like they're everywhere.

Well, hey. No, me and two women were ceremoniously married last, like, two weeks ago. Really? Yeah. That is so fucking cool. A little shout out. I wasn't sure if I was going to say that. Did you have a threesome after that? You did. You know, I'm being a gentleman about this.

No, don't be. Yeah, for sure. That is so cool. That's awesome. Can you sort of take us through step by step that threesome? Like what happened? Like did you start slow? What kind of drugs do you use? No drugs.

I know that feels like a go-to. Yeah, just stick with the, I got you. No, no, no, no. Just take us through the thing. I've been like in a, like Craig up there too, we're in an open relationship and we just met another lady. And we both like that lady. So then we all

made it like a person pop. That is so cool. Where'd you meet the third wheel at? Which brings me back to the fact that you look like you'd ride a tricycle. Thank you. Threes. It's good in threes. Where were you? Through improv. There's a couple improv troops. Wow. Hell yeah. One in the pink, troop in the

sting. Anyway. Improv sex. Did you put it in her second shitty? Second shitty? Instead of I do, did they say yes and? Wow. That's cool.

So instead of taking us through that threesome after your ceremonious marriage, can you just tell us like a highlight for you? Was there a time in which you're like, wow, this part's great, like something that happened? Just like with us? Yeah, like a SportsCenter clip. We just want a quick tidbit.

Okay, I went to Las Vegas for a friend's bachelor party. Pretty lame. Flew back to Chicago, and they both picked me up and we all got a little hotel room hot tub. That's fun. Wow. Oh, there you go. Did you want more details on that?

No, that's fine. Did they give you, when they picked you up from the airport, did they give you giant road head? I sat in the back. I sat in the back. You sat in the back I sat in the back you sat in the back hell yeah you're like

big head and no shoulders do they spend a lot of time on each other more than they do on you like is it

cause I've been in like a relationship like that before where it was mostly damn and then once in a while they wanted some dick no I think there's

a good balance yeah there's a balance yeah I think there's a good balance yeah yeah did they look like they love eating out as much as you do? No.

No. Yeah. That is true. We're a fat area. That's true. Yeah, you really are. And you live here now. Yeah.

Uh-huh. And you were born and raised here in Madison? No, no. I was born in Detroit. Born in Detroit. Yeah. And you're like, I'm getting out of this. Them too.

I'm getting out of this shithole Detroit. I'm going to Madison, Wisconsin. Yeah, more or Detroit. Yeah. And you're like, I'm getting out of this. Them too. I'm getting out of this shithole Detroit. I'm going to Madison, Wisconsin. Yeah, more or less. And you're happy with that decision? I love it here. This is great. It's great here. We have a good comedy scene. Heck yeah. I love that. How bad's the winter for real though? It's pretty bad.

It lasts six months. Yeah, but you can handle it, right? You look like Jon Snowcone. I'll take that. I'll take that. That's fine. Yeah. Well, Joe, we're going to keep it moving along.

Congratulations. Thanks. Fun times. There he goes, Joe Malloy. Let's get one more up here. What do you say we... What do you say, since we haven't had a lady up here tonight, what do you say we keep picking until we get a woman, huh?

Equal opportunity. Nope. It's not gonna be Matt. It's not gonna be Dylan. It's not gonna be Dirk. It's not gonna be Tyler Baggins. It's not gonna be Clint. It's not going to be Austin.

It's not... Ooh. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Sweet Betty, my Freddie. Wow. Put your hands together for Nicole Spaghetti, everybody. Here we go.

She's coming up here. My favorite food in the world, spaghetti. Since I was a little boy, I would fall asleep on my plate of spaghetti. Mom's spaghetti every day as a kid. As a kid in high school growing up, I would have my mom make an entire vat of spaghetti sauce so that I could eat

spaghetti throughout the week. I would just make fresh noodles, take the fucking mom's sauce, eat that shit up in the microwave. Does this person exist? Eat radioactive fucking spaghetti. Here she is. She's coming down right now.

So anyway, my point is I love spaghetti so much that I am excited for the arrival of Nicole Spaghetti. She's your final comedian of the night. Believe it or not, we just had a two hour long show here in Madison, Wisconsin from start to now. Here she is. Come on, make some fucking noise. Hello. Hello.

So I just graduated college recently. Definitely experimented with drugs a lot. Yeah, I took acid and I thought I was going to have such a great time. I went to my friend's bathroom, sat down for a little bit, tripping balls, and another couple decided to come into the room and start fighting. Wow. It wasn't like physical fighting. It was like they were yelling at each other. They were upset. It lasted about four hours.

No, no. It was like 15 minutes. I was on acid time. Yeah, so they were deciding. They were fighting over which girl they wanted to pick to have a threesome with at the party. I did not have a good trip. Oh my god.

She was pissed off. Fuck yeah, there you go. Nicole Spaghetti. I feel like that's a true story, right? Yeah, very true. True story. Tripping balls. So adorable.

Look at this girl. Heck yeah, look at her. She's like little Madison Milakunas or something like that. Little fucking cutie pie. Is that your real name, Nicole Spaghetti? My first name, yeah, not the last name. Oh, well, I was, all right. Yeah, sorry.

Why Spaghetti? Are you Italian? Yeah, very Italian. Yeah, why'd you say oh God to that? Because that's just hilarious that she's being like, I'm just going to be the Italian person with the last name Spaghetti. Well, you probably have a hard Italian last name and Spaghetti's easier, right? Yeah.

Yes. There you go. Very good. In that case, that's the correct move. Much better to do that than to be a doofball like fucking Brad Kimichiaki. True. Those fucking idiots up here. Kimichi.

You're an improv group, aren't you? No. Pretty easy. No? No. I've been doing stand-up for one minute. You've been doing what? Stand-up for one minute.

Very cool. Yeah. Did you say one month? One minute. Oh, one minute. That's your first time. So cool. Heck yeah.

That's fun, Nicole. And is it something you've always wanted to do? No. No? Did you even want to do it tonight? Yeah. Well, I mean, I had to put my name in the bucket. I'm here.

Right. Right. Right. Are you a fan of the show, or is it more like your boyfriend or something like that? Yeah, my boyfriend's a huge fan. He's here, too. Your boyfriend's a huge fan? He's up there?

Yeah. What does he do? He's in grad school. He's in grad school. What's he studying? He is studying to get his PharmD, pharmacy. Uh-huh. There you go. Get your pain pill prescription addiction ready. You're an Adderall fanatic.

How about you, Nicole? What do you do? I'm going to be a first-year teacher, second grade. Oh, wow. Second-grade teacher. Wow. Let the boners start rolling. Damn. Mrs. Spaghetti, you make me feel weird in my belly. Oh!

Mrs. Spaghetti, you made my noodle hard. Whoa! Wow, my God. Are you excited about that? you made my noodle hard wow my god are you excited about that you realize that these kids are all gonna have their first boners to you I mean all four of us on this stage have boners right now we're not even in second grade we're just at that

end of a long tour just kidding we wouldn't objectify a woman like that just kidding it's 2019 we can admit it we all have boners right now We're just at the end of a long tour. Just kidding. We wouldn't objectify a woman like that. Just kidding. It's 2019. We can admit it. We all have boners right now. Did you say second grade or seventh? I'm sorry.

All right. Never mind. I was going to say a joke, but never mind about that one. Second grade. Heck yeah. That is awesome. And you're just about to start that? Yeah, in September.

Wow. You a little bit nervous? Not really. Are you going to have a certain name since your last name is hard to pronounce? Are you going to be like Mrs. D or something like that? Yeah, I usually just go by the first letter. What is that? A.

A? Yeah. Mrs. A. It's always so much harder when there's an abbreviation. Yeah. Hey, Mrs. A. Yeah. A.

Heck yeah. I want to put my P in your A, you know what I mean? Wow. Oh, my goodness. Hey, trust me. I don't think they put it in a lot of people's A's here in Madison. Seems to be... They love their one-way streets here in Madison.

And that's definitely one of them. Not going to put it in the old, you don't want to put it in their old fucking, you know, fucking Jamesville tunnel, you know what I'm saying? Let's just say in Australia we got roundabouts, so, you know. Heck yeah.

I love that. So you start that next year. What have you been doing up to this point for money? I work at a daycare. You work at a daycare, so you love kids. I do. Yeah, why is that? Your mom wasn't a good mom when you were growing up?

She wasn't there for you a lot? She ran an in-home daycare. She ran a daycare too? Yeah. Oh my goodness, she was a good mom. Yeah. So you killed her and took her job. Yeah.

That's incredible. Oh, daycare. That's incredible. Daycare. That's interesting. Fuck yeah. So what do you love about living in Madison, Wisconsin? You born and raised here? No. Where are you from? I'm from Phoenix. Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah. Wow. How did you end up here?

Yeah, what the fuck? I moved here for my boyfriend. You moved here from beautiful Phoenix, Arizona. I hate Arizona. With mountains and bright red mountains. The best drugs in the United States of America. Man, you really are bringing up a lot of drugs tonight, Redman. Are you okay?

I guess so, probably. I think he's just trying to sound cooler than he is. No, no. I mean, Phoenix is just hip. You know, they, you know, raves and drugs. They do do a lot of drugs. But I don't think that's a reason

to stay in a city. It's just a hip place. Now, this is a real question. I see you've got a tattoo on your left leg. Do you gotta cover that up whenever you teach your second graders? Is that like a thing? No. It's so new age now. Wow.

It's coloring. It's like drawings. What's the tattoo of? Let me see. It's a mermaid. Oh, wow. Look at that. I used to have teachers who, you know, they'd bend over to like check my tests and stuff

and I'd see like a tit above their tattoo that said like, I hate my dad or something like that. It was crazy. You saw a tit above their tattoo that says that? That's incredible. Their tit would say that. It's crazy. You saw a tit above their tattoo that says that? That's incredible. Their tit would say that. Right to the point. We say everything backwards in Australia.

Hell yeah, dude. That's fucking awesome. So do you think you're going to last out here? I mean, you went from the opposite, like the hottest, like 120 degrees to mostly winter. How long have you been here? I've been here a month. A month, that's it. You're gone, dude. How long have you been here? I've been here a month. A month, that's it.

You're gone, dude. How long have you been with this guy? Three years. Three years. And it was all long-term for all that first time? And you guys would what, see each other like once a month or something like that? Yeah, about once a month. He'd fly in?

Yeah. Very, very interesting. My God, that is incredible. Wow. What's your favorite thing about God, that is incredible. Wow. What's your favorite thing about this guy? He's really funny. Is he funny? Yeah.

Is he really funny? Yeah. Did he sign up tonight too? Yes. Really? He did, yeah. What's his name? Why don't you bring him up to close out the show, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Let's do this. You introduce him. Go ahead. You start walking, sir, and you bring him up. You say, ladies and gentlemen, your final comedian of the night. You say his name that he signed up as.

Go ahead. You guys are in love. You just moved here a month ago. You ready to bring him up at one of the coolest venues in his hometown? There you go. Do it. Ladies and gentlemen, Austin Starkey. Austin Starkey, brought up by his girlfriend,

most likely his future wife. This is going to be good. Who knows? He might even propose after this 60-second set here tonight. Wouldn't that be exciting? Oh, he's shaking his head, I think. Oh, God. You guys are a real fun bunch.

Yeah, right? Here he comes, Austin Starkey. Look at this happy couple. Austin, come up here. Do your 60 seconds. Let's fucking do this shit. Come on, make some noise for Austin, everyone. She's definitely going to do better than me,

but my name's Austin, but for some reason, everybody calls me ma'am. I don't see it, but it happens. Doesn't surprise me that Hulk Hogan got caught hitting the hard R after hearing him say brother all the time. Not a big fan of baseball, but I do like the three-strike rule. For me, it's shower sex. I'm on strike two, so I keep giving it a shot.

Strike one, I actually ended up giving myself a facial. It wasn't very enjoyable. I understand why the ladies don't like it. Strike two, I passed out. Couldn't tell you why. Definitely made her a lot worried than me. I just woke up in the shower still, like always. That's about it.

Fuck yeah, dude. Austin Starkey. I fucking love it, dude. So let's talk about it. First of all, let me tell you right now, that is a badass fanny pack you have. A lot of these people, a lot of these schlubs would attack you for that and would say, look at that stupid fanny pack.

Not me. I'm a believer in the fanny pack, and that, sir, is a fucking real leather. Look at all those pockets. Where'd you find any of them? You have anything cool in your fanny pack? We've had a longstanding game here on Kill Tony. What's in that fanny pack? Is there something you could show us that maybe

will make the crowd go wild? Perhaps some hand sanitizer? Wow, look at that. Fuck yeah. The old lube in the hand sanitizer trick. I know that one. Sunglasses? Not. Wait, put on those sunglasses, Austin. We have to see you

in these things. Oh, he's got the hard case. What a nerd. They're prescription. I gotta keep them you in these things. Oh, he's got the hard case. What a nerd. They're prescription. I gotta keep them safe. Hell yeah. Austin motherfucking Starkey. Can you believe it? Oh my god. Hell yeah. Wow. It's Ellen DeGeneres' wife, ladies and

gentlemen. This is exciting. I always wanted to know what blind Macaulay Culkin looked like. He thinks he's home alone, but there's people in the other room. He's blind. He has no idea. It's like if he was left home alone and only ate junk food and nobody ever realized he was home alone forever. This is incredible.

I fucking love it. This is like if Thor went to a gay bar or something like that. So why did you have the girl move out instead of you move to somewhere better? Why not you move to Phoenix? Let me guess. Because of your complexion? You're afraid of the sun? I do hate the sun.

It's too hot out there for sure. Heck yeah. I've just been going to doctorate school now for three years on my last year. Oh, cool. Oh, heck yeah. And you're going to be a pharmacist. Yes. Is there a specific pharmacy that you're hoping to work at or something like that?

Perhaps a Walgreens? I work at a Walgreens now. Not really looking to stay there. You do work at Walgreens? I do. Wow, interesting. And you're looking to get out of the game. Oh, yeah.

Wow, that's very exciting. My goodness, look at you. You fucking blonde John Wick. It's incredible. You look like a bootleg Hulk Hogan action figure Very very bootleg This is incredible So

Wow You're going to be a pharmacist Do you get to transfer when you become a pharmacist? I don't know how it works And you're a badger? You're going to the University of Wisconsin? No I'm actually going in Milwaukee Oh that's a shady,

shady school. Shady school. What's the name of the mascot at the college that you go to? They're the Falcons. The Falcons. The Dirty Needles. Beautiful creature. Beautiful. Wow. What's something that we would be surprised to know about you, Austin? I have an ass

tattoo. You have a what? An ass tattoo. On your ass? Yes. What's the tattoo of? Uh, caveman Spongebob. Okay, we have to see that. How many of you want to see his ass tattoo? There's only one way to close an episode in Madison, Wisconsin.

Wow! Look at that! Holy shit! That's a real SpongebBob tattoo right on his ass. Were you drunk when you got that? No, actually, I had just flown out to Arizona, and she was getting her first tattoo. Was that the mermaid one?

No, it was not the mermaid one. Whoa. Did you have an ass tattoo, too? No? You don't have Squidworth on your pussy or anything like that? There you go. There's that noise. Wow.

Jimmy Nolan. She's called Patrick on a butthole. Because he's a starfish. And because buttholes look like starfish. There you go. That's a joke.

I love comedy. Fuck yeah. Well, I'll tell you this. Austin and Austin and fucking Nicole Spaghetti. That was incredible. What a way to close the episode. Congratulations. You guys live together now.

Congratulations on working hard for three years in a relationship, being patient. He's about to be a pharmacist. You're about to be a second grade teacher. Fucking awesome. Congratulations to both of you. Kiss! Kiss! Great sets. Kiss! Kiss! Both of you were funny. Great job, Austin.

And how about a hand for that? That was Madison, Wisconsin. Kill Tony live from the Majestic Theater, one of my favorite venues in the world, and we did it, guys. We're going to be slinging posters, pins, albums, everything after the show. How about another hand for the great Jeremiah Watkins, everybody?

Come on. He's amazing. He's on social media, Jeremiah's stand-up, YouTube at Jeremiah Watkins. The new Reagan and Watkins albums available now at ReaganandWatkins.com. And he's got some Reagan and Watkins dates that he's going to tell you about real quick. Yeah, June 28th we'll be in San Diego. And then in July we'll be in Phoenix Stand Up Live.

And then also Huntington Beach will be there in July as well. And keep purchasing the Reagan and Watkins album digitally to help us stay on the charts. And we've got some hard copies here tonight. Madison, make some noise for Instagram. What do you say, huh? Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. How about you make some more noise for Trollberg, Troll Jimenez, huh?

Yeah, we did it again. Trollberg's on social media, mostly sorry. He's sponsored by Ludwig, official artist. Anything else, Joel? First time here. Love you guys. Thanks. First time in Madison, Wisconsin.

Show him some love, guys. Come on. He's a real Mexican from California. So much fun, guys. We're off to go hang out on Badger Road right now. We're going to have a blast. How about a hand for Brian Redman, everybody? Thanks, guys.

See you later. We love you guys so much. Thank you. We'll see you next time. Good night, everybody. Thank you. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Outro Music