KILL TONY - KILL TONY #366 - MINNEAPOLIS

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 06/16/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions to the shows. And if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Not only are we at the world famous comedy store every Monday, but we are on the road. July 10th will be in Plano, Texas at the Hyenas. July 11th, Fort Worth, Texas.

July 25th will be in Philadelphia at the Fillmore Theater. And July 26th will be in Pittsburgh. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Check out that for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, the house artist, he draws every episode, he makes posters, he made the book. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, shopsquad.tv, the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe and Kill Tony. Check out Kill Tony t-shirts, Death Squad hats, and mugs.

Go to shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony Hey this is Redman coming to you live from Minneapolis, Minnesota For a brand new episode of Kill Tony Give it up for Tony Hitchclap Minneapolis make some fucking noise. Yowie wowie, ladies and gentlemen. Brian Redband's here, everybody. Hey, what's up, guys? Kill Tony is in Minneapolis for the first time ever.

How fucking exciting is this? This beautiful Minneapolis. The final stop on leg number three of our crazy summer tour. We flew through it this week. It's unbelievable. We're excited to go back home tomorrow to beautiful Los Angeles, California for a couple days and fucking catch our

breath. We're all on our deathbeds, but we gathered up enough of enough alpha brain and coffee to get back up to 100% for you guys here tonight. But the travels have been rough and we're happy to be here. Back to LA tomorrow with Brian Holtzman and then Wednesday we're off to New York.

We're going to Poughkeepsie on the 19th which is I believe sold out and second show added in New York, New York at the Gramercy Theater. That's a big deal. We're going to sell out two shows in one night in New York City at a big, giant, famous theater. And then we hang out at Skank Fest. Big deal.

July 25th, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Our largest ever Kill Tony ever. Over 2,000 people. We're at the Fillmore Theater there. It's a big, huge Live Nation event. We're very excited about it. Get tickets at DeathSquad.TV or TonyHinchcliffe.com. Really, anywhere you want. Just fucking Google tickets.

We don't even care if you get them through a dirty scalper as long as you're there. Exciting stuff. And that brings us to here. We're here right now. And that's exciting. Ryan J. Ebelt, of course, could not make it. However, he did make amazing posters that we will be

signing and selling for you people of course, could not make it. However, he did make amazing posters that we will be signing and selling for you people if you'd like some after the show, which is very exciting stuff. There's also pins. There's Tony Hinchcliffe pins, Kill Tony pins, and Death Squad pins.

And you'll draw the mustache on the pin if you want Tony with a little mustache. You could have it with or without facial hair. I take a black Sharpie and I make a little mustache. I leave a little space in the middle, just like my actual mustache. So if you're wondering, it's a legit Tony Hinchcliffe mustache. So Ryan J. couldn't make it.

However, ladies and gentlemen, there is a band on this show. And it appears as though there is a legit drum set here. Our friend's over at Clash Drums. Our pal Jeremy. Is that the right name? Clash Drums. Heck yeah. Supplied us with some drums for tonight.

If you ever need drums here in Minneapolis, you ever think that you want to perhaps get good at it, maybe go for a Mexican drum off sometime? Go to Clash Drums and get your drums there. They are the best damn band in the land. Every single episode they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're gonna

be. They were in a separate dressing room. Sometimes it's a brand new character. Last night they were animal, yes, wildlife experts. Thank you, sir. Thank God you're there. And sometimes it's the return of some of our favorite characters.

We never know what they're going to be. Let's all find out together. You guys ready for this shit? It is the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, ladies and gentlemen. Let's see what they are tonight. What? Wait a second. What?

You guys are painters? This is incredible. Wow. Oh, my goodness. How exciting. They are goodness. How exciting. They are clearly painters everybody. This is a brand new character.

This is very exciting to find out that this is what happened to Mario and Luigi after their after their flying days were up. Hello Mr. Painter. How are you? Welcome to the show. You guys are just in socks. I love it.

We don't want to scratch up the floor, you know. Wow. Look at you. Welcome to Kill Tony, sir. What's your name? My name's Toby. Toby. All right. I like that. Welcome to you from here in Minneapolis, or what's your story?

Yeah. Hell yeah. Born and raised here. Born in Minneapolis. Oh, beautiful. You got a local legend here for you. I definitely don't have a weathered past. All right.

I love it, man. Well, we're excited that you're here. And then clearly over here we have what appears to be a young Jesse the Body Ventura. Oh, yeah. Is that a cardboard mustache you have? What is that? I thought I had a bad mustache. Look at that fucking thing.

I mean, they're both true. The name's Ronnie Pintura, Tony. Ronnie Pintura. I'm just going to call you Ronnie. Did I say my name was Tobias Daryl? Oh, Daryl. Okay. A little name change there.

Daryl and Ronnie. Heck yeah. Everything okay with that? I definitely don't have a weathered past. I've never seen an albino Mexican man before, but Joel is like, I can't stop staring directly at it. I was just saying earlier, because last night when he was a wildlife expert,

he wore a blonde wig, and I started laughing out of nowhere in the car today. And Jeremiah goes, what are you laughing about? I go, i'm just picturing joel in that blonde wig there's something about a mexican in a blonde wig that cracks me up and here today he one-upped himself he's uh got a blonde mustache too yeah he's a little whitewashed wow i'm excited to see uh i'm excited to hang out with you painters throughout this episode. We have the painters, we have Red Band, which brings me to this bad motherfucker right here.

It is the Kill Tony Bucket of Destiny Summer Tour Edition. It's filled with names of local Minnesotans. Very exciting stuff. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you know how it works. You get 60 seconds on this stage uninterrupted. You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry Loring Park Bear. Wow.

Sounds furious tonight. There's stairways on both sides. If you get called, just, you know, muster your way over to either that side of the stage or this side. Don't run over anything. Don't jump up on anything. Don't hurt yourselves. You guys ready to start this fucking show or what? Minneapolis, Minnesota.

This is very exciting. I can tell there's some real characters in this audience tonight. I'm looking out there. This is a very hip. One could say Minneapolis is a hip town, right? Okie dokie. That's how you know they're hip. Hip could say Minneapolis is a hip town, right? Okie dokie. That's how you know they're hip. Hipsters never admit to

being hip. Alright, let's get this party started with the stylings of Faith Biktanga. Faith Biktanga. Right over here. Perfect. Here we go. Hell yeah. Come on, people. Make some noise for Faith Bichanga.

Hello, hello, and it's Bichanga. We'll try again next time. Thank you, Minneapolis. Hi, Tony. Hi, Daryl. Maybe Toby. I'm here today to tell you about my first time to Africa. Yes, I've been to Africa at least once in my life, twice, possibly three times. Don't remember the last trip. When I was there, went on a safari and, you know, just strolling along, minding my own business. Suddenly a gang of baboons

walks up. A gang of baboons. If you've ever seen a baboon, they're not as pretty and fluffy as like the Minnesota Zoo. I'm just saying. Vast is red. Very red. Have you ever seen a monkey's asshole? Don't look too close. They have fangs, you guys. Fangs. Me and my family minding my own business.

We're just walking along, enjoying our time. All of a sudden, the biggest monkey, biggest, reddest asshole I've ever seen in my life starts charging at us. And they are fast fuckers, you guys. Fast. biggest monkey, biggest reddest asshole I've ever seen in my life, starts charging at us. And they are fast fuckers, you guys. Fast. All of a sudden, I take off. My younger siblings, dropped. Nowhere to be found. We made it home safely.

You know I'm here to tell the story to the state. Thank you again, Minneapolis. Have a good night. Hell yeah, there you go. Bitchanga? Bitch. You can emphasize There you go. Bichanga? Bitch. You can emphasize the bitch part. I am kind of a bitch. But yes, Bichanga.

Bichanga. Yeah. Wow. That's a cool name. It is. Bichanga. It is. It's pretty interesting.

What's Bichanga? Is that... Kenyan. I'm Kenyan. Oh, very cool. Did you go and visit Kenya on your trip to Africa? I did. I did. I did.

Where else did you go? Africa and Kenya and Kenya again. Third time I also went to Kenya. I have family there. Once you go black, you always go back. Always. Always. Every time, Tony.

I'm glad you know that. I love it. Heck yeah. Let me start off by saying you're one of my favorite members of Run the Jewels. So I'm excited. What can I say? I'm excited that you're here. So, wow. When you were on the safari,

were the baboons, it seemed like they were threatening you? They were threatened by us. Therefore, the pack leader had to do what he had to do. And what did he do? He flashed that asshole at me. Wow. And those fangs, they're sharp.

What kind of red are we talking here? Are we talking a magenta? Are we talking a light red? I just need to know for the color palette. Yeah, it was more like fire truck red. Fire truck red. Okay. That's angry.

That's angry. So you're saying that the asshole actually had like fangs in it? the mouth had fangs but yeah the asshole probably had fangs too I didn't stay too long what else did you do for fun when you were in Africa? I shit in a hole because they don't have

indoor plumbing what else did I do? I had to walk three miles to get water to take a bath to wipe my own asshole after I took a shit in the hole. Wow. Hung out with grandma and grandpa. Yep. Say that again.

Hung out with my grandma and grandpa. They live in Africa? They do. They do. What are their names? Not their, like, I'm not asking for, like, their, like, do they have cool African names? No. Esther, Johnston.

Esther? What the names? No. Esther Johnston. Esther? What the fuck? They're old and I don't know. Oh, my goodness. They have dreams of coming to America. So are they more of like a light black or is it a... A little bit burnt. Africa gets a lot of sun.

I don't know if you knew that being from Minnesota. Faith, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is my first time. First time ever. How cool. Congratulations. I had no plans of ever doing this. My boyfriend's a huge fan of yours, so I got there to sign up, and here I am.

Wow. Well, that's cool. At least you just went through it like you had done it before. You didn't talk about not doing it before and how your boyfriend wanted you to sign up. No, no.

I was excited. He's really nervous. He also signed up. So if he gets called, I'm going to laugh so hard. What's your boyfriend like? What's he like? He's Asian.

Is he really? He is. He is Asian. Shut the fuck up. You know that Black and Yellow song by Wiz Khalifa? Yeah, he wrote it about us.

Really? From the Wu-Tang to the Poon-Tang. Heck yeah. That is incredible. Asian boyfriend. How long have you been with him? Does he love you long time? He better.

Does anybody see you walking down the street and they go, Kung Pao Chicken? Maybe. Maybe in their heads at least. I've never seen such a thing. I've never seen an Asian man with a black woman before. That never happens. First time for everything.

Welcome to Minnesota. Is there, like, I mean, I think we're all built sort of, we're all built differently, right? I mean, there's many stereotypes. Black guys have big penises. Asian guys have small penises. Is there a large amount of your vagina that goes unused during sexual intercourse? We make do. We make do.

You make do? Do you have like a screened in porch area in your vagina that's never used? Or like a sunroom? Maybe. Very possible. I might need a new used? Or like a sunroom? Maybe. Very possible. I might need a new paint job. You got any recommendations? Yeah.

Yeah. So you guys figure it out. Sex is good. It's good. He makes it work with his little chopstick. Little chopstick. Yeah. Nickname is Kim Chi.

Kim Chi? Kim Chi. That's my mom. What's your Asian boyfriend's name? Charlie Johnson. Charlie Johnson. And he signed up tonight? He is on the list.

I don't know about you guys, but I want to see this fucking guy. What do you say we go straight to it? Why don't you stand back there over in that corner? Because maybe I'll talk to both of you in a bit. And let's just fucking do this. I've never seen an Asian man with a black woman especially a badass cool black woman how about one more time for Faith Bachanga

let's see what the fuck kind of what kind of Bruce Bruce Lee shit is going on in here make some noise for Charlie Johnson wow sure fuck yeah are you sure this is him you're fucking with me You too fuck

Alright one more time for Charlie Johnson everybody Hello white people So shittiest day ever guys It was just a normal day I was gonna go to jujitsu Stopped into work to grab a coffee you know Said hi to my boss Said hi to a few coworkers.

That's it, I left. Got the coffee, got back in my car. Just checked my phone. Took a sip. And I fucking sharted. First time in 29 years. I fucking panicked. I looked around, grabbed that coffee receipt

so I could check the damage. Sure enough, it was not a coffee stain on the paper. So I got out of that car, you know, I did what I had to do, and I duck-walked back into work, tried not to run into my boss again. He was like, weren't you in here just a minute ago? I shat myself. Yeah, and then I told all my coworkers about it,

and an older guy I work with named Craig He's like, man, I shit myself every week Wow, Charlie Johnson Very exciting Look at you Hell yeah, Charlie You fucking did it, dude That was a fun time

Did you start shitting yourself so much that you decided to just wear brown all the time? Is that what's going on here? Is that why you're dressed like a UPS logistics advisor? Tony, I'm going to go ahead and guess you ordered that coffee black. Oh, yeah, there he is. Wow, it has begun.

Schoelberg. I've never seen this color combination before, but it's nice. It's nice. It is, it is. They complement each other. What can brown do for you? Turns out a whole lot when you met Faith Bichanga, huh?

So let's talk about it, Charlie. Where did you meet Faith at? How did this happen? I met her at work. Yeah? Where do you guys work? We both work at a grocery store. Ooh, a grocery store.

Clean up on aisle one. Bag it up. Yeah. Paper or plastic? What kind of condom did you use? That's exciting. So what did you do at the grocery store? I work in the produce area.

Ooh, produce. Fuck yeah, you got some fresh eggplant ready to rock, huh? I like your style. Ready to deliver that cantilope. You look a little bit like Asian Clark Kent. Have you ever Superman that hoe? You! That should be his last name.

So you worked in produce. What section was she in? Cashier? She was in the customer service. Customer service. Hell yeah. And then you were like, I want some service for myself over here. Darryl?

Yeah, can I ask you a question real quick? Yeah. Faith, step on back up here. Yeah, yeah. Well, give it up for this beautiful couple, Lacey. It's amazing. If this isn't some goddamn Minneapolis shit, what a way to start a Minneapolis

show. This is the most interestingly diverse couple I've ever seen in my life. Heck yeah. What was your question, Daryl? Are you one of them sassy customer service employees? Do you really give it to people or are youl? Yeah, are you one of them chassis? Customer service employees like do you really give it to people or are you like nice? Oh, I give it to people

Yeah, could you give it to people you give it to him? Could you was one of my first customers? Whoa? Yeah Could I sign up for that rewards car? That is incredible. Could maybe he come to you at the counter as somebody complaining, and then you give him a piece of your mind, huh? Oh, yeah, and a gift card. Okay. I'll do it.

How about I do it? How about I do it? Excuse me, miss. You know, I have a real problem here. I fucking I can't I talked to one of your associates earlier I was trying to find something and they were no help at all

what's up with that it sounds like that sounds like a you problem oh Jesus wow I mean you're right that does sound like I didn't have enough I didn't have enough time to really... I didn't have enough time to really think of a...

Let me tell you something, lady. What's your name? Oh, I see your tag. It says Faith. My name tag says Miss Faith. Oh. Yes. Jesus.

My God. Do you read fortunes for people, too? No, but I'm the queen. I'm the boss. Damn. That's how it is. You're just going to have to deal with it. We are out of organic celery, if you were going to ask. fortunes for people too? No, but I'm the queen. I'm the boss. Damn. We are out of organic celery, if you were going to ask. Oh, shit.

That's exactly what I was going to ask. Perhaps you know a produce guy that could get us a fresh batch in soon. No. I don't. So you guys met at work and then what? Did you hook up in the break room or something for the first time? Pretty close. On his birthday birthday which was our first date wow we're and then so what do you guys go out somewhere no you were at his house ah at his birthday what year was that it was a trap and

i didn't realize it now let me faith have you ever been with an asian man before no never really even like glanced at them but he he stalked me. He made me basically come to his house. Well, that's because he works at a grocery store. They love stalking things. Hell yeah. Now, hand it to Charlie for just a second here. Now, Charlie, here's the million dollar question.

Have you ever been with a black woman before with Faith? No, I have not. Wow. And what was it about Faith? You just saw her one day? Oh, it's a booty. Booty. Damn, Mr. Miyagi paints that fence, huh? Hell yeah.

My goodness. Now, are you intimidated by the fact that you have an Asian penis and she has a black vagina, Like I said earlier, I mean, I just have this theory that perhaps some of it goes unused. What do you think about my theory? At first, I was a little bit. At first, you were afraid you were petrified? Yeah, I was petrified. But then you entered the 36 chambers. Hell yeah.

Daryl? Yeah, why does this look like if the movie Predator was set in Vietnam? Hell yeah, it does. This is incredible. This is how the magic happens here. Charlie, do you still work at the grocery store? Yes, I do. Hell yeah.

Both of you do? Yep. I love it. I love it. Do your bosses know that you the grocery store? Yes, I do. Hell yeah. Both of you do? Yep. I love it. I love it. Do your bosses know that you two are together? Yes, they do. I'm not allowed to check out at her line. Whoa.

Is that true? It's true. Oh, that is so funny. My God. Sweetheart rule. Like you would possibly do anything to break the rules. Yeah. I don't break rules.

Look at you. Charlie, I got good news for you, pal. You did a great job tonight. I loved your hello white people at the top. And this was your first time doing... First time. Wow, so cool. That's how you do it.

You told a real story. It's the type of story people begin with, sharting themselves. That's a good first set. Knocked it out. The thing that I always look for in those sets is pacing and delivery because your first set,

it's hard to know what to write about exactly. And on those fronts, you did a great job the whole way through. You got the crowd immediately with your hello white people. Congratulations, man. Did you have fun tonight? Yeah, I did. And how cool that you got to share it with your lovely congratulations, man. Did you have fun tonight? Yeah, I did. And how cool that you got to share it with your lovely girlfriend, Faith.

There you go. How about that? Charlie Johnson and Faith Pachanga starting off the show, ladies and gentlemen. How fucking cool. Hell yeah. Look at that. They double high-fived like they're on Double Dare or something like that. What a cute couple. Yeah.

Hey, that's a little fucking prince right there, huh? Live from Minneapolis. Daryl knows what the hell is going on. All right, pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Ben Roth, everybody. It's Ben Roth. Here he comes. Taking the long

rainbow way up my knee. Here he comes. Here comes Ben. This place is packed tight, isn't it?

Hell yeah. Why, oh why can't I? One more time for Ben. You know you're fat when you need a plan of attack to wipe your ass. Like, I can do it, but I'm going to have to think this one through. That's actually old. I recently lost over 100 pounds.

I can now... Don't clap! Do not clap! It was not that hard. When you start at four bills, it's pretty goddamn easy. So now I'm just typical Midwestern fat instead of learning channel fat. So now I'm just typical Midwestern fat instead of learning channel fat.

It's depressing when you tell your doctor that you lost 100 pounds, and then your doctor tells you to lose 100 pounds. For the podcast listeners, my look can best be described as, I guess if Ed Norton in American History X decided to morph into his fat fuck buddy and then just gave up halfway through. Visual joke for an audio medium is usually a good choice. Heck yeah. There you go. Ben Rock.

Absolutely. That was fun. Ben Roth. Absolutely. That was fun. I think there's room for an American History XXXL. That was mine, yep. Something like that.

You lost 100 pounds and you're still fat. Yeah. Heck yeah. Impressive, huh? This is exciting. This is amazing. I've always wondered what it would be like if Stone Cold was the size of Yokozuna. If Stone Cold was Cold Stone.

Yeah. There he is. What did you change to lose the weight? I went keto. Oh, wow. Yeah, about a year and a half now. Wow, that's so cool. What did you eat today?

Scrambled eggs with cheese and sausage. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Delicious. That's a good color palette right there. What were you eating before to be so absolutely morbidly obese? Pizza, fast food. Hell yeah.

Pretty much that. Everything we've been eating on this team. Yeah. We had both of those things today. Yeah. It's true. We had to stop off at Hardee's Was what we stopped off at today So watch for us to be all dead soon

Yep Wow Ben I crapped blood earlier Ben Ben What do you do for work? I just became a partner in a CPA firm

Wow Partner at a CPA I'm a tax accountant Wow I thought you worked at a radioactive plant in Springfield Wow, that is exciting So you're a CPA Calzones, pizza, and artichokes

I don't know, artichokes Why would I pick artichokes for my A? I could have said anything, It was artichokes. I still have produce on my mind from that guy. Wow, that's exciting that you... Who are you CPAing for? Big banks? Mostly small businesses and individuals.

Wow, very cool. So you're good with money. I guess, I don't know. Hell yeah. All right, what a ringing endorsement from yourself. Goodness. What do you havement from yourself. Goodness. What do you have brothers and sisters? One brother, one sister.

The brother's in the crowd right there. Oh, yeah. Is he fat, too? Where's he? No, he's he's he's shaped like a normal person. I'm really. Wow. Look at that.

That's your normal brother. Look at that guy. Fuck. Yeah. Hey, represent. And what does your brother do? He's like a lawyer or something for a medical company. Did you just meet him tonight?

I don't know what he does. I love it. He does legal shit. I love it. What's your love life like? He doesn't know what his brother does. That'd be gay. Come on.

What's your love life like, Ben? Well, 400 pounds is not a good look. Right. Yeah, so it's pretty nil. You're not 400 pounds now. No, no. I started there. Right.

Now you're at what? 316? Stone cold? I'm like 280-ish. 280. Hell yeah. So have you been trying to go out on dates? Have you been on...

Not yet. I haven't worked up the... Have you been on plentyofwhales.com or anything like that? Been on... That's good. That joke hit Minnesota pretty hard. No dating at all? No.

I'm... No. All right. Is it something you'd be interested in doing? Yeah, eventually. When's the last date you went on? Yeah, when's the last time you got a PJ? A paint job? You know what I'm talking about? Um, I don't know. Like five years.

Five years? How long's it been since you kissed a girl? Five years. Five years? Oh my goodness. That's girl? Five years. Five years? Oh, my goodness. That's crazy. Five years. Wow. That seems like it's been a wait.

Don't do that. Wait a second. Some lady just say, me too? No, a lady said somebody kiss him. I think that lady has to kiss him. Yeah, come on up here. Give him a kiss. Get her ass up here.

Come on, lady. You got to do it. You yelled out. You yelled out. Not her, lady. You got to do it. You yelled out. You yelled out. You got to do it. You yelled out. Lady.

Lady. Lady. Lady. Here we go. Kill Tony making magic happen every single day. Wow. Wow. Wow. Hell yeah.

He's going to murder her later tonight. So exciting. That's lovely. Wow. Now follow her to the bathroom and fuck her. Yeah. There you go. Hell yeah.

Look at your blushing, you big fucking tough blushing big boy, you. Aw. My goodness. You're going to have to stir. She said he smells good. Ooh, shit. What does he smell like? Damn.

Keto? I don't know. Ask her. Heck yeah. He smells like scrambled eggs. She's just starving. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, God.

Why would you do that? From the paint to the taint. He smells like hotties. Well, Ben, very exciting. You've done stand-up before? First time ever. First time ever. Wow.

Very impressive, dude. Very amazing job. Congratulations. Is this something you're going to do more of, you think? Honestly, probably not. You should, man. I mean, that one joke, the Learning Channel joke or whatever, was great about losing the weight.

You have a real knack for it. How long did you spend preparing for this set? I don't know. Something I've been kind of because I've been a fan of the show for a while. And somehow I just kind of thought about, like, what would I say if I ever got up here? You did everything right. You talked about stuff that only you could talk about. You talked about losing 100 pounds the whole time.

It's all about you. You're a big guy. And that's what people want to hear. They want to hear you talk about you, and you fucking did it, dude. You did it good. Thank you. There he goes. Ben Roth, ladies and gentlemen.

We're having fun here already. Hell yeah. The rainbow. Way up high. Judy Garland is from Minneapolis, Minnesota. A little fun fact. That's somewhere over the rainbow. Oh, okay. Who gives a fuck?

Jesus Christ, lady. You must be a lot of fun to hang out with, huh? Trying to make Minneapolis sound cooler than it is. Why don't you just go with the flow, all right? Grand Rapids. She Alright. Grand Rapids. She's from Grand Rapids. Who would have thought we would have had a Judy Garland fact checker here tonight?

Did you say fat checker or fact checker? Fat checker. Alright. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Kyle Hines. Kyle Hines, H-E-I-N something, maybe a G or an O. There he is. There he is.

Here's Kyle, ladies and gentlemen. Come on, one more time good and loud for Kyle, everybody. It's Haino. I wrote it like a three-year-old. I apologize. I'd just like to start off by saying that I haven't had a blowjob in five years no?

nobody? that's alright the savage side penis will cleanse itself tonight with these things anyways yeah never really gotten up on stage I am am a drummer, so I couldn't help but admire those. They're pretty cute. They're pretty cute. So is that drummer, too. Yeah, I didn't really have anything planned.

I'd just kind of been smoking weed and drinking beer all day. So, I don't know. I'm pretty fucking high. I see that guy as too. Yeah, I'm just going to chug the rest of this 300 here. No, it's okay. You don't have to do that. Kyle, ladies and gentlemen.

Hell yeah. So Kyle, you gave it a shot. I mean, I thought you were about to murder the entire time. The way that you started, you came in with pure momentum, having had a blowjob in five years, rolling right off of the last guy's heat. That was great. And then it just fucking all went downhill after that.

Pretty much. Pretty much. Yeah. One thing that really stands out to me is that incredibly tiny fanny pack that you have. I don't think I've ever seen a fanny pack. I got it to cover this incredibly average-sized penis. Wow.

Yeah, it's cute. Yeah. I mean, it's... What are you... Man, I'm sensing some real friction up here between you two. I don't know what's happening. Oh, shit. What did I get myself into?

I think you know exactly what you got yourself into, Kyle. You asked for it, you son of a bitch. Joelberg is fired up. Kyle, do you really play drums? I do, yes. You really do? How long have you played for? Like 15 years.

15 years? I mean, god damn it, we have to do it. It's going to be a Mexican drum off, everybody. Oh, shit. Tony, he can't be that good if he hasn't had a blowjob in five years. Oh, come on. I got one last week, dude.

That's only because I've been on tour, dude. My God, that's incredible. That's fair enough. Some chick put her face that close to your creepy blonde pubes that you have. That's right. So, Joel, why don't you make some room for this guy? Thanks.

My pleasure. Kyle called Joel Bird cute. He said the drum- My pleasure. Kyle called Jule Bird cute. He said the drum set from Clash Drums, Minneapolis' own, was cute. He's played drums for 15 years. Now, here's how it works, Kyle. You can do whatever you want. It's about entertaining the audience and having a great drum solo. It's about playing drums well, but also perhaps being funny and getting the crowd riled up a little bit.

If you win, you become the new drummer for Kill Tony. You fly to Los Angeles, California with us tomorrow. And you'll get a blowjob from Joel's girl. Yeah, you're part of the band. And yeah, you're going to be internet famous if you win this drum off because you're going to be the newest cast member of Kill Tony. However, I must warn you,

Joel Berg is all-time undefeated in Mexican drum-offs, and the crowd decides afterwards. Sound good, everybody? This is a goddamn real deal Mexican drum-off. Kyle's been playing for 15 years, and Joel Berg's going to have to defend his throne. Kyle, are you ready? Let's do it.

Make some noise for Kyle Haino, everyone. Here we go. Wow. This guy's good. Yeah. Wow, he's looking at me. Oh, God. Uh-oh.

He's taking off his shirt. He knows what to do. Whoa! Kyle has seen the show before. Oh! That is not Burt Kreischer. Wow. My goodness.

Oh, wow. Oh, he drops the sticks. Kyle Haino. Oh my God. And he holds up his fanny pack like it's a championship belt. That thing is so tiny. For those of you listening to the

podcast only, it looks like a watch. Yeah. It is such a tiny fanny pack. All right. Well, Kyle, that was a hell of a job. Kyle took off his shirt halfway through. And let's see how Joel Berg can, I don't know. I mean, he's undefeated all time. Let's see how he does it tonight.

Make some noise for the defending undefeated drummer of Kill Tony, the one and only Joel Bird. Joel, hey man. These fucking buffoons. He's got a trophy and measuring cups. He came out with a trophy.

He's on the chair. He's got a lot of stuff in his underwear. I can't do it because of YouTube, but I got a sock on under here. He has an XXXL sock stuffed in his underwear, which are tucked deeply into his asshole and rolled up for some reason at the top. He has underwear that don't fit him, and he is mad. I don't know if I've ever seen him this mad before.

He cannot wait for this. Are you excited, Joel Berg? Yeah, I love killing a man. Here we go. Here is something you can't understand. Here to defend the throne, ladies and gentlemen, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez! Thank you. Oh, no. Wow! He worked the entire stage.

Wow! Wow! Woo! stage. Wow. Look at this crowd on their feet. The place is going absolutely crazy right now. Come on, ladies and gentlemen. How about a hand for Joel Burt Joel Jimenez? And for Joel Burke, Joel Jimenez. Complete chaos. All right. Let's see what happens here. How many of you have Kyle winning that drum off? Wow.

Boo this man. How many of you have Joel Burke, Joel Jimenez winning this thing? Huh? How many of you have Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez winning this thing, huh? All right. Well, that pretty much makes it official. Wow. Still undefeated all time. My girl would never suck your weak ass dick.

Fuck yeah. You're lucky you're still on the stage, brother. I'll get rid of him for you. There he goes, Kyle Hano, everyone. Woo! Damn, this party is bumping here tonight. That was beautiful. Fucking dweebs. Oh my God, I love it.

Oh man, there's something about how you played the air for a second when you got up. There's something so funny about that. You'll CGI that shit later. We don't even need to get drums for you. You can just do that. I'm telling you, relax and take notes. I love it. Oh, there you go. Back with your hair on your ass.

Sorry, I got a job later. Oh, one more time for Joel Berg, huh? Wow. Incredible. Place went absolutely nuts. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Chris K. Chris K.

Chris K. C-H-R-I-S-K. Oh, here we go. Here he is. This is Chris K. right here. One more time for Chris K., everybody. How do you guys feel about cyclists? Perfect, perfect, because I can't fucking stand them.

So I was reading a local newspaper, and I saw one article that said some guy instigating shit outside Rick's Cabaret. He pulls up behind cars, calls 911, reports them. He got beat up by the bouncers, got his bike thrown over a bridge. Saw another story, a guy, bus picking up kids, red lights on. He gets mad, they're parked in the bike lane, so picking up kids, red lights on. He gets mad. They're parked in the bike lane. So he breaks the windows on the bus. So it got me to realize something.

If these people weren't such eco-friendly idiots, they'd be on 94 taking shots at my grandma for cutting them off in traffic. Hell, yeah. There you go. 53 seconds of Chris K, who used the microphone as a baton at one point during that set. Yeah, you gotta

eat that mic, man. Yeah, I don't think he's ever gonna do this again, Red Band. I think that's your only time. Well, for the rest of this interview. Yeah, I don't think he's gonna be up here very long. No, I'm kidding. Chris, how are you? Sorry, you're like the other dude who went through an extreme weight cut. Yeah, I don't think he's going to be up here very long. No, I'm kidding. Chris, how are you? Sorry, you're like the other dude who went through an extreme weight cut. Yeah.

My brother. Hell yeah. How you doing, Chris? Was that your first time doing stand-up? Hell yeah. How old are you? 33. What do you do for work? I climb poles. You climb poles? Yes. Hell yeah. Stripper.

What do you do when you get to the top of the pole? I fight squirrels. Really? Yeah. That's what you do for a living? You're like in a UFC for squirrels? No. You're the human?

I install internet. Oh, cool. Heck yeah. You ever fall off one of the poles? No. No. You go safe. You have like a rope around your waist, right, that you like use?

No, no. No, nothing. I mean, I'm supposed to, but... But you don't do it? No. Whoa, tough guy. Yeah. My goodness.

How long have you been doing that for? Ah, shit. Four years. Four years. Very cool. And this is your first time doing stand-up. What do you like to do for fun? You from here in Minneapolis?

Yeah, I've lived here my whole life. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Lived here your whole life. So what do you like to do around here? What are some things that you love to do in Minneapolis? Oh, shit. I don't know.

Play video games. You can do that anywhere, really. Yeah, play video games. Sure. What else? Biking. Biking. Starting to get into biking.

Mountain biking. I don't bike on the streets. Oh. Where do you find mountains? Are there a lot of mountains around here? Depends what you call a mountain. There's Minnesota mountains, but... Okie dokie.

What do you mean, depends on what you call a mountain? What do you mean depends on what you call a mountain? I think we all have the shame of understanding what a mountain is. I mean, didn't you say that you hate cyclists at the top of your set? And the second thing that you admit to doing behind video games is cycling? Correct. I thought that this was going to be the case the whole time. The way he was talking about it, it was like he was talking about himself at his own funeral. He's like, what do you guys think?

I don't like them. Do you? Because they could not be that bad. Or maybe they're horrible. I don't know. What's something that we'd be surprised to know about you? Any accomplishments in your life or

anything cool? You have anything weird about your family or you ever win a trophy for anything? I broke my fear of heights by skydiving. Oh, interesting. How long ago was that? Eight years ago. Eight years ago.

I had a job starting at DirecTV the next day, so I figured I needed to break my fear of heights. If I had to start a job at DirecTV tomorrow, I just wouldn't have pulled my parachute. Straight into the ground. I would have had that skydive be one last

hurrah. Looking back, that probably would have been the better choice. Heck yeah. You got the left hand in the pocket, Midwest style-y. That's very exciting. You got your notes there? He took notes on that? No. What's your love

life like, Chris? Kind of involved right now. For some reason, I'm getting the vibe that you are a... Is it a girl, boy? Girl. Girl, how long have you been with her?

A little over a year. Yeah, I get the feeling that you have a lot of like masks in the bedroom or something like that, like leather masks or ball gags and things like that. Does that sound familiar? I have a leather hat. You have a hat? What kind of hat do you have? It's a cyberpunk hat. A cyberpunk hat?

Wow, are you into cyberpunk? No, I bought it at Rensfest last year. What is cyberpunk? I don't know. That's like mixing old school with technology, kind of like... Steampunk. Yeah, steampunk types.

Sorry, steampunk. Oh, I don't really... I still don't really know. You look scary, but you talk like a nerd. It's cool. I like it. You're more correct than you know. Thank you.

Heck yeah. What's the nerdiest thing about you, Chris? What do you think it would be? I went right past playing Dungeons & Dragons and play Pathfinder. Pathfinder? Yes. What the hell is Pathfinder? It's a nerdier version of Dungeons & Dragons.

Wow. How is it nerdier? How can Dungeons & Dragons be nerdier? What do you do? Do you play after locking yourself in a locker? It's the same way that beer can be nerdier than Bud Light. It's the hipster version of Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, my God.

How do you even find people to play that game with? Why did that get boozed, by the way? Like, what is happening right now? I don't know what happened. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is what this man likes, okay? Yeah, he considers mountains different from you and I, all right? But it's not something you should attack him for, all right?

Daryl for president, 2020. Wow, Daryl just announced he's running for President. That's very exciting. Is it online or is it like a card game that you play just like normal? Just like Dungeons and Dragons. Wow. Pen and paper. My goodness. What a dork.

What's the benefit of playing that instead of Dungeons and Dragons? I did it because I had a couple friends who asked and I had time to kill them. So friends like that. Time to kill or people to kill. Friends that play Pathfinder. You've been friends with these guys a while? Yeah.

And what else do you do that's nerdy? Or what do they do that's nerdy? Or you ever see your friends and you're like, God, you're really nerdy. And I play Pathfinder. They're all married and have kids. Oh, that's what really nerdy. And I play Pathfinder. They're all married and have kids. Oh, that's what's nerdy to you, huh? Yep.

And that's something you don't ever want to do? Not kids, no. Why is that? Why don't you want kids? Are you afraid that they're going to? Are they going to be playing the video games that you want to play? No, I like having money.

You like having money? Yeah, I like having money. Fuck yeah. That's an interesting way to think about it. I mean, I like having money. You like having money? Yeah, I like having money. Fuck yeah. That's an interesting way to think about it. I mean, I guess so. Hey, look who's back. The couple that does everything together. There they go.

They are. I'm going to get blonde highlights. Me too, babe. I'll just do it too, babe. Do it too. You want to get a drink? Let's get a drink. You want to go to the bathroom?

Let's go to the bathroom, babe. Let's double stack it. Let's fucking do it, babe. It's fucking Minnesota. I don't want to leave you and you don't want to leave me, babe. Let's fucking do this. I'll go with you, dude. We'll make a real spectacle out of it.

Fuck yeah. I like that. My goodness Chris Wow So what's your girlfriend do, the girl you've been with for a year She's a receptionist Uh-huh, wear out anywhere fancy

No, they do like employment benefit stuff She takes about five phone calls a day Wow Do you do anything nerdy in the bedroom ever? Anything nerdy like Any dirty talk or anything like that? Like, man, I'm going to find the path to your vagina. Watch Lion King and go to sleep.

What? That's your move? You watch Lion King and go to sleep? It's not my move. Wow, that's her move? Does she play Lion King a lot? Every night? Is that like a nightly thing?

That or The Hangover. What? That or The Hangover. Oh my god, this chick has bad taste. What the fuck? The Lion King or The Hangover. Is that the only two VHS tapes that you have? I don't own any VHS. Those are hers.

And yes, they are VHS. Are they? What? A guy that installs internet watches VHS tapes. It's very exciting. Well, I'm glad that you're at least helping out the rest of us. Daryl? Yeah, I got some questions.

What kind of tattoos you got on your arm? Because, yeah, what is that? Is it the man in the iron mask? What is it? It's a Viking, actually, for the Minnesota Vikings. Oh, you're a Viking fan, huh? Heck yeah. I like that.

I actually got to blow that horn a couple years ago, that big creepy horn that hangs from the ceiling. You guys have a frightening giant ago. That big creepy horn that hangs from the ceiling. You guys have a frightening giant horn. Did it. Yes. Yes.

I blew the horn and it was raining men because it was a giant dick. The horn was a gigantic cop. And our most famous sock shop does have a giant dick. You still are doing it. Do you know that you're doing that? And then you do that. And then a ba-da-da. Are you paying attention?

Do you know that it's a sound thing? You have to keep it right there. I've never been on stage before. No, I know, and you never will be again. But you have used a phone before, right? You don't go like, hey, how's it going? Let me call you right back. I climb telephone poles.

I use a Bluetooth. I have to have my hands free. Hell yeah. You're a little smartass, you know that? But I like your style, dude. Congratulations on getting pulled out of the bucket. There he goes, Chris K. Representing the AEW tonight. the bucket. There he goes. Chris K. Representing the AEW tonight.

Hell yeah. There he goes. I wish that you would step back from that ledge. My friend. My friend. Step back from that ledge. My friend. My friend. Step back from that ledge. My friend. My friend.

My friend. Okay, I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Maddie Kringers or Krings. Maddie, M-A-D-I. Oh, shit. Here we go. Hey, come on everyone Make some noise for Maddie

Hi guys, I'm Maddie I'm a recovering bulimic and alcoholic So just the type of gal Every guy wants to bring home to mom and dad My favorite part about having an eating disorder Is telling people about it and watching their reactions my dad was really logical

we had this serious talk, I told him what was going on he goes, you know that's just like shitting out of your mouth, right? but my favorite was I had to take some time off work, go to treatment and I tell my boss and he sits back and he looks at me and he goes, so

if you have an eating disorder why aren't you skinnier? That's all I got, guys. Thank you. Wow. Look at that. Maddie, very interesting. First time ever doing stand-up? Yeah.

Congratulations. How about a hand for Maddie? Maddie Krangs. Well, that's interesting. How long have hand for Maddie? Maddie Krangs. Well, that's interesting. How long have you been in recovery? I've been sober like four and a half years. Uh-huh. And that's also when you stopped being bulimic?

I go back and forth. Ah, you still dabble a little bit, huh? Dabbler. Dabble. The good thing is she didn't actually eat it on stage tonight, so that's good. Yeah. That's good. That's true.

That's true. Have you ever tried any other ways to, you know, just like cocaine or working out or something? Yes. Wow, that is fat person logic right there. Yeah, it really is. I mean, it's incredible. All right, first step, cocaine. Yeah.

Not eating healthy, first step, cocaine. Yeah. Not eating healthy, not exercise, cocaine. What's the easiest, laziest approach to losing weight that we could do? So, Maddie, for example, explain to us, like, when's the last time you threw up and why? Like, what goes on? Is it because it's like a big gross meal and you're like i don't want this to how long have you been bulimic for since i was 19 and i'm 27 i was a late starter uh-huh uh-huh heck yeah is it true that the last time you threw up was when that guy tried to drum battle me and lost yes Unbattle Me Unlost? Yes. Wow.

So, like, the most recent one, like, what's that like? If you could just give us an example of a day in the life of a bulimic person. Well, I, like, really commit, you know? It's not just, like, I have dinner and I throw up. I think there's bulimics like that. But I'll, like, eat a cake. Right. Like a whole cake.

Oh, it's fucking crazy. Hell yeah. bulimics like that, but I'll eat a cake. A whole cake. It's fucking crazy. Hell yeah. My cousin was a bulimic and she went to the hospital and almost died and everything. It was really serious. You don't feel the seriousness of it or you just can't control yourself? It used to be serious. In what way?

When you say it used to be serious. I would binge and purge for like an entire day. Wow. That's wild. Heck yeah. What helped you get over it? What helped you curb that? I went to treatment. Right. And they teach you a bunch of stuff there. Therapy. Ah, heck yeah. Did you get to the root of why you became like that? Would you be willing to share with us? I don't think there's a root. I think I just like to eat and not feel my feelings. Ah.

Did you have a rough childhood? No. Really? No, I don't know. It's confusing. Parents still together? Yeah, since they're like 16. Oh, my God.

All right, don't brag about it. We don't have that here. It's incredible. Parents still together. What do you do for work? I quit my job on Friday. Whoa, you quit your job? Oh, my goodness.

You're quitting everything. Alcohol, bulimia, your job. Pooping. What? Anyway, what was the job that you quit? I did event coordinating and marketing for a home improvement company. Home improvement? Oh, I know those guys.

They were on the show a month ago. Do you need any new paint or anything like that? No. Okay. This isn't my passion. So what are you going to end up doing for money? So I saved up some money and I'm moving to South America for a while.

Wow, South America. That's exciting. Why South America of all places? I got a volunteer position teaching at a college in Bolivia. Wow, Bolivia. That almost sounds like bulimia. That works out perfectly for you.

It's going to be a little reminder of how far you've come. Bolivia. Have you been there before? Yes. So you're going to teach English? Yeah, that's the only thing I can teach. Right.

But how are you going to know what the fuck they're saying? She's not going to teach kids how to throw up over there. No, they're like starving. Oh, so that would really be rubbing it in their face. You're like, I've got all this food, little kids. You can't have any. It's all ruined with acidic stomach acid, you idiots. I know you guys are all starving, but I'm going to eat this entire cake right now in front of you.

Guess what? I ate money earlier. I'm going to throw that up, right now in front of you. Guess what? I ate money earlier. I'm going to throw that up, too, show you how rich I am. Wow. So when are you going to go to Bolivia? I leave on the 7th. Wow. That's very soon.

You're going by yourself? Yeah. What's your living situation going to be like? This, like, house on campus with, like, a 57-year-old Australian guy and a 22-year-old Bible Belt guy. 22 what? Like, from the Bible Belt, like, Tennessee. Oh, hell yeah.

He's going to fuck you. Yeah, he is. Yeah, you're going to have to get used to swallowing. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to puke all over your chest. Oh, my God. Brian.

That one didn't even make sense. Everybody else does jokes. Brian does puke and poop poop. Bodily fluid. My God. That is incredible, Maddie. So you don't even know these guys, so you're just going to be thrown right into it.

Yeah. Straight into a Bolivian house. They have some serious diseases down there? I have no idea. Yeah, I think you should look into that. Yeah. I just put some good shots and shit before you go? Yeah, I got some shots last time I went.

Heck yeah. Yeah, who gives a fuck, right? Okay. I mean, a mosquito can kill you there, but just shrug your shoulders and fuck it, right? Drink some water and die easily. Hell yeah. Well, Maddie, fun times up here.

You know, you didn't fill the entire minute, but it's very intriguing. You're the first ever person that's talked about being bulimic on this show before, so that's fun. We're always covering new grounds here, and that takes, it's cool. It takes a lot of courage to talk about recovering from alcohol and bulimia,

and congratulations. And what a cool fucking thing that you're doing, going to experience worldly travels, and you seem vibrant and happy and cool, so congratulations to you. Thank you. Hell yeah. Maddie Kringers, everybody.

It's fun. What a fun episode so far. You guys having fun out there? Hell yeah. What song is that? Fireflies by El Shitty. Supposedly they're from here I guess. Oh wow. One of the most annoying here, I guess. Oh, wow.

One of the most annoying songs ever. Oh, there you go. Pulled a name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Ryan Middendorf. Ryan Middendorf. Oh, wow. Look at that. That's crazy. I believe he was coming back to his seat from outside, and now

he's stuck. He had to come back around. Now he's behind somebody with beer. That slow walking beer guy. Here he is, Ryan Middendorf. Hello. First off, shout out to Mountain Dew for making my headaches go away. First off, shout out to Mountain Dew for making my headaches go away. And for taking the numb, tingling sensations out of my hands and feet.

Which raises the question, am I diabetic? Not yet. I only have one diabetes. I need all the diabetes. I recently had to quit smoking weed, not because I wanted to, but because my psychiatrist told me to. But when I used to smoke and drive, I'd play this game called Everybody's a Cop. The name of the game is pretty self-explanatory. What you do is you stay in your lane and drive the goddamn speed limit

because you're too hot at driving. Everybody's a cop. I recently recovered from a psychotic break. Ayo! Holy shit. Ryan Middendorf coming in hot. Killing on kill. Tony, beat for beat, punch for punch.

You had me at Mountain Dew. Gets rid of my headaches. That was hilarious. Thanks. You're great, man. You've been doing this a few years? I've been doing it for like two years. Hell yeah, dude.

You are rock solid. That is incredible. All here in Minneapolis? St. Cloud. Where the fuck is that? St. Cloud. It's like a half hour north of here. It's like 65,000 people.

What the fuck are you doing there? Why are you there? You moved there or you're from there? Actually, I moved from Long Prairie. That's an hour north of there. Oh, my God. You're basically a fucking Canadian, dude. What's happening here?

I grew up on a dairy farm out there, and I drove an hour and a half. I drove an hour to St. Claude every week to do an open mic down there. And then I'd go like two hours to Minneapolis to do the mics down here. God damn, that is so fucking cool. And you do this regularly. That is awesome. And you said you grew up on a dairy farm. That's what your dad does?

Yep. He's a dairy farmer. He has cows? How many? 70. 70 cows. My goodness. Does he have any bison? Nope. My goodness. Does he have any bison? Nope. My brother goes to NDSU.

I don't even know what that means, but he got a laugh and I like him. Wow. What do you do for work, Ryan? I work at Taco Bell at the moment. Get the fuck out of here. No way. No way. Oh my God. No way. No way. Oh my God.

Authentic Mexican food. What do you think about that? What do you think about that, Ronnie? This guy works at Taco Bell. I prefer Taco John's. Since you drive so much for stand-up and you work at Taco Bell, have you ever thought maybe just going to a city that has more stand-up And you work at Taco Bell Have you ever thought Maybe just going to like a city

That has more stand-up in it You know And more Taco Bells You know I've entertained the thought Yeah Really You never thought

Outside the bun before I actually put together My own show On Long Prairie Once a month For my people Back there Your people

What do you mean What do you mean Clan rally What people? What do you mean? Clan rally? What do you mean your people? What is this? You guys trying to make America great again up there? What's happening? How many people show up to your comedy show at Long Prairie?

Like 50 or 100. It seems like that would be like a lot of like hillbillies, right? You're like, I have diabetes. And they're like, me too! Why are you talking in the mic? Why don't you sing a song or something? Do they have any idea

what the fuck you're doing? Stand up. I don't get it. There's some guy talking in this bar. He won't shut the fuck you're doing. Stand up. I don't get it. There's some guy talking in this bar. He won't shut the fuck up. He's got a microphone, speakers. He's annoying. I love it. But they get it, you say, huh?

They have fun? Oh, yeah. You have a wacky name for your comedy show? It's just called Comedy at the 12 Mile. Comedy at the 12 Mile. Heck, yeah. It's like if Eminem was a nerdy diabetic dude. I love it.

How long have you worked at Taco Bell? It's been about a couple weeks. A couple weeks? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. How old are you? 23.

I'm turning 24 next week. 23. You're very funny for 23, dude. What did you do before Taco Bell? I was working construction. Wow. And then you realized you'd rather do anything other than that? Money doesn't matter to you?

It's just you don't want to be in physical break backing work, especially since you have headaches that only Mountain Dew can cure? Wow. It's for the Mountain Dew, isn't it? I got a limited Baja blasts Oh my god Wow This is incredible

This is incredible The instructions suck, dude Those guys are all dicks When you said unlimited Baja blasts Brian came in his pants That's fucking hilarious Speaking of that, when was the last time you Baja blast, Brian came in his pants. That's fucking hilarious. Heck yeah. Speaking of that, when was the last time you Baja finger blasted a girl?

Oh, shit. Last night. Last night? Wow. You have a girlfriend. Uh-huh. How long you been with her? I love the way you answer questions, by the way.

I know. You're so happy. You're so excited. Look how happy this fucking guy is. He laughs after every single thing he says. Yeah. I've been dating her for like four months. What fucking cartoon

character do you remind me of? What's that? Is it a Dexter? It's not Dexter. What's it called? It's like a comic. No, he reminds me of one of those like comic like not cartoons. No, it's not Doug. Delbert, that's like a comic. No, he reminds me of one of those comic like not cartoons. No, it's not Doug. Delbert, that's the fucking one. I'll say that. Dilbert?

Delbert? It's Dilbert. Dilbert, yeah. Has anybody ever told you you look like fucking Dilbert? There it is. It took me a little while to figure it out. And by me figuring it out, I mean four people in the audience. What's your girlfriend do?

Shut up, lady. Fucking women are chiming. Ever since Hillary lost, it's like... It was me that thought of that. She's from Grand Rapids. Guys aren't right about everything. There's a fucking lot of men on this show. I have blue hair. It was me a fucking lot of men on this show. I have blue hair.

It was me. Bunch of crazy women here tonight. Shut the fuck up, lady. Oh, look at your tiny little middle finger. It's actually more of a magenta dark purple hair. Hey, I like that. See, we're to talk about... Shut the fuck up, lady.

Oh, my God. What is wrong with you? I won't be silenced. What's your girlfriend do? Well, she did a lot of things. She was a paralegal for a while when we started dating. And then when we were living on the farm together, she was working at a drug and rehab center.

And then we moved back to Monticello. And she's uh currently unemployed wow currently unemployed so you're here you're working at Taco Bell double time over there huh I'm the tortilla winner of this hey fuck yeah look at that my goodness gracious. How exciting. So you've been with her for four months. And where'd you meet her at?

A comedy show. A comedy show. Heck yeah. And then what? You went out that night? Yeah. Had some drinks? Munched on her gordita? Tried to put it in her chalupa, but she wouldn't let you?

She's like, this pussy is fire. Wow, that's exciting. You have any secret maneuvers that you do in the bedroom that you can teach us? Yeah, like a combo that you can teach us. Like the cinnamon twist or something like that? The old fucking... Blast on her ass. Wow. Wow.

Jesus. I got this thing that I call the extreme scissor that I only did like once because it was uncomfortable. What? Hold on. This is great. This is the first time anybody's actually answered this question, by the way. A fun fact. I've been asking it almost once an episode for years.

Is there any special secret maneuvers that you have in the bedroom? Everybody always looks at me like I'm an idiot. And then finally we find out about the what the fuck did you call it? Extreme scissors? It was all worth it. Every time I've asked it was worth it for this moment when we find out in Minneapolis, Minnesota, what the fuck is extreme scissoring?

Because it sounds like your balls must hurt after that. Yeah, they do. It's like when lesbians scissor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rub their vaginas together. It's like that, except my penis is in her vagina. Penis is in the vagina. So you, you, you, you're both laying down

So you sort of have to like get up Are you guys going to reenact this for the audience? Oh yeah Absolutely doodling So he can position us Right, make sure these guys get it right We're going to find out extremely what Jeremiah, you want to be the big scissor or the little scissor?

I don't think you guys have much of a choice here. All right, boys, assume your positions. Wow. This is so. Sometimes. Dilbert, help them out. Show them what to do. Are you the... Wait, what?

Oh my god This show is out of control Oh my god Extreme scissoring Where did you learn that? How about a hand for the band guys? Come on These guys will do anything to make you laugh here tonight.

It's actually a sickness. I felt my balls go inside his balls like this. Oh, no. Odds are that was probably just one large white sock that you felt. So, like, you do that, but you actually cum after that? We didn't make it

that far. My dick bent at a weird angle and we're like, no, fuck this. Actually, I broke my dick and it was, like, funny. Wow, Ryan, you are a monster, dude. That is so fucking exciting. I would love to see him in Los Angeles playing at the comedy store.

Yeah, you'd have to... Yeah. That would be something. Unfortunately, I don't think he's ever going to make it to Los Angeles. He has full-blown diabetes, guys. He lives in fucking... What's it called again? I live in Monticello, St. Cloud, yeah.

That's my scene. Heck yeah. Nobody calls Monticello a scene. I love that. Nobody calls Monticello a scene. I love that. I think you have to, you know, eventually you'll get to Los Angeles, right? Baby steps. You start off in Monticello,

maybe work your way up to like Brooklyn Center or something like that. And then eventually you'll be out there. But I'll tell you what, in lieu of all of this, if you ever do make it out to Los Angeles, California, hit us up and we will throw you up at the Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip.

You're going to have to explain to your dairy farmer family what the fuck you did here tonight. So just let us know if you ever make it out there, huh? And make sure we're in town also. Yeah, definitely. Look at our schedule beforehand. I feel like you're going to smile like that for the rest of your life. Sleep like that.

You wake up like that. I like your fucking style, dude, from beginning to end. Every single answer. Every single joke. Yeah, golden ticket, I guess we could call it, right? That's it. Minneapolis. How about one more time for him? Ryan Middendorf.

Is it Dorf or Dolph? Dorf. Come on. Ryan Middendorf, everybody. That's your fourth or fifth ever golden ticket winner. This episode's had everything so far. A little bit of everything. This is fucking crazy.

We've had a Mexican drum off. We've had a golden ticket winner. We've had extreme scissoring. We've had a bulimic lady. We had a black woman that fucks a little Asian guy. I extreme scissored one of my best friends. We had a guy talk about

how much he hates cyclists only to admit that he's a cyclist. This is crazy. All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Jake Elfman, everyone. Jake Elfman. Here we go. Come on. Jake Elfman. Here we go.

Come on. Jake Elfman. Where is he? Here he comes, everyone. Come on. Make some fucking noise. You guys giving up on me? So I don't think you should be able to call yourself a health coach

if you peer pressure your friends into buying shit from you. If you call yourself a health coach because you sell Herbalife, that's very similar to me saying that I'm a boxer because I got beat up in high school. I think it's time that we bring back the show Cash Cab, but this time we might have to spice it up a little bit and call it Crash Cab. Same concept, except Ben Bailey swerves in the oncoming traffic

if you get the question wrong. My family members eat roadkill. Not just any roadkill. They will only pick roadkill if they know who hit it, or if they hit it. We have standards. I'm from out by

where the last guy was. That's all I got. Heck yeah, there you go. Absolutely. Jake Elfman. Welcome, welcome. Heck yeah. You have a little bit of an interesting look.

You remind me of the kid from the Nightmare on Elm Street one with that creepy kid. Yeah. Has anyone ever told you you look like the creepy kid from Nightmare on Elm Street one with that creepy kid. Has anyone ever told you you look like the creepy kid from Nightmare on Elm Street? I think it's called the Dreamcatcher one or something like that. Right?

Part 3. I haven't thought of this. Dream Warriors. Look at you. Wow. Nightmare on Elm Street. I might have it wrong, but I said it confidently and that's all that matters. I'm actually cast in the remake. What's that? I'm cast in the remake.

Oh, very cool. Heck yeah. I've never gotten that compliment, but I have gotten before that I look sick a lot. Yeah, you look exactly like Pete Davidson, and he looks sick eternally, which is incredible that we even all know who the fuck that guy is.

He gives me hope Yeah exactly So Jake First time doing stand up? It is Congratulations to you My friend Something you've always

Wanted to do? Yeah I've listened To the show a lot And then when I heard You guys were coming to town I just knew I had to sign up Fuck yeah How old are you?

25 25 years old What do you do for work? I'm going to grad school right now. Yeah, what are you studying? Nutrition and exercise science. Nutrition and exercise. Do you ever practice what you preach?

I try to, yeah. You look like you have a lot of vitamin deficiency going on. You ever recommend cocaine to people? Yeah. Like our senior health correspondent here, Dr. Redband. What do you got for me? Cocaine. There you go.

That's his recommendation. You said your family only eats roadkill if they know who hit it. What did you say? So back from where I'm from, very similar to the last guy, kind of redneck, hillbilly style people. We can tell. Yep, and so there are situations where if someone hits an animal, they will take it home and eat it.

If they know who hit the animal or if they see it got hit right in front of them, they'll take it home. Hunting. Hunting with the grill of your car, yeah. What do you like to do for fun? You're 25. You're born and raised here in Minneapolis.

Actually, not too far away from St. Cloud, the last guy. What's the name of your city? Maple Lake, Minnesota. Maple Lake. Fuck yeah. Canadian as fuck. Starting to realize we're in Canada. This is basically just an extent. This is the panhandle of

Canada. We are the Canada of America, yes. Yes, indeed. So what do you like to do for fun? Right now, just going to school takes up a lot of my time. I got engaged, so I spend a lot of time with my fiance. Wow, 25 and engaged. That's incredible. How long you been with her? About two years. Two years, and you met

in college? Yep, during our undergrad, kind of during our final project. Is there a reason why you decided to get married so quick? It's the most cliche shit in the world, but when you meet the person you just know you know. Hey, I agree. I'm absolutely with you. I married my wife after knowing her for only a few months.

A couple people question it, but I just tell them, you must not feel that confident in your relationship. You're damn motherfucking right my little friend. I like your style. Absolutely. Turn it back on and make them feel all weird and shit. Like, oh, oh, oh. Happens a lot.

So that's exciting. What is she studying? She actually was going to school for the same thing. I'm going to school to be a registered dietitian, and then she'll be doing the same thing. Oh, wow. So you're both going to be women after you graduate. That's exciting.

Very exciting. It's going to be a lesbian relationship. May I recommend extreme scissoring In your future It is Daryl approved I mean there must be some things That you do for fun right To take your mind off of the school work I have a motorcycle

Damn look at you Really a full size motorcycle No just a little bitch Honda I don't have a big boy bike yet You seem like you just have a big boy bike yet yeah you seem like you just have a motor on your bicycle annoying fucking things uh wow my goodness you ever take uh your girlfriend for rides on the back of it she's been on it a couple times i'd never told her but she was actually like the first passenger i had on it until after that ride, so I appreciate that. Right. And is it

true that it's easy to have sex with a girl after giving her a ride on the motorcycle? They get a little bit horny from the vibration in between their legs? I don't know if she needs that, but we got that going for me. When you say you don't know if she needs that, you're saying your girl's horny a lot. Depends on the day, but usually. What do you mean

depends on the day? It's called a period. Daily periods? I would say depends on the week, if that's what I was saying. I mean, but that's what you were referencing? Yeah, if you love your woman, you go there any day of the week. Hey, you don't have to tell me, buddy. I'm not questioning it. I was just wondering what you meant.

Like, so she only fucks on Fridays. I prefer it. Listen, I would, but it. I was just wondering what you meant. So she only fucks on Fridays. I prefer it. Listen, I would, but it is literally a work hazard. I'm wearing all white here. I have no problem painting the sheets. Hey, I love it. So that's a lot of fun. That's very exciting.

What was your name again? Jake Elfman. Daryl. Jake Elfman. Heck yeah. Is there anything else we should know about you? Any fun facts? You ever save anybody's life or almost die or anything like that?

If I'm ever asked a fun fact, I just tell people I had heart surgery twice. Once when I was 12 and again when I was 13. Is that true? Boring. Wow. Heart surgery at 12 and 13. What was that for? Super ventricular tachycardia?

No, it was coarctation of the aorta was the name of the disorder. So basically the part that comes off the top of the heart was twisted. Right, right. And why two surgeries? It didn't heal well the first time? The valve had to be repaired on the second surgery. Damn, damn. And how long is the recovery for that?

Three weeks, four weeks, something like that in the hospital? The first surgery I was is the recovery for that three weeks four weeks something like that in the hospital uh the first surgery i was in the hospital for two weeks and the second i was out in like five days oh that's great yeah so it just kind of uh whenever people are like oh you look so sick and skinny i'm just kind of like yeah yeah you have a cool scar from your heart surgery yeah i have one right on my chest and then you on the back. Would you mind showing us? Let's see those fucking man tits, dude. Let's do this shit. What do we got there? Let me see that thing.

Oh, okay, yeah. You can't really see it on the white guy. You're really just missing a little bit of chest hair in the middle. Really, your chest looks like my mustache. That's pretty much what we just learned. Well, that's fun, dude. You had your first time on stage. Very cool stuff.

You're fucking 25 years old. Nutrition and exercise fucking. You're going to be a dietician. That's so fucking cool. Looks like everything's smooth. Congratulations, Joel. Did you go into dietician stuff because it matters with your heart? Like you're trying to stay healthy because of that?

Yeah. After my surgeries, I just lost a bunch of weight. And it was a meeting with the dietician that kind of taught me what I needed to do in my lifestyle habits to make myself healthier. So after that, it just kind of turned into one of those things where if I can explain that to other people, I'll do that for a living. Maybe you can explain that to our little friend Ryan. He may have diabetes.

Maybe you can help him out. I'll find him after the show. His name is Ryan Middendorf, so go track him down. Jake, thank you so much. So nice to meet you, dude. There he goes. Come on. Jake Elfman. Fun show so far.

I'm excited about this. What song is that? Waka Flocka Hardin' the Paint. What? Waka Flocka Hard in the Paint What? Waka Flocka Darryl I'm surprised you know that one Yeah, I'm from Minnesota Wow, I love it

Okay, pulled another name out of the bucket Make some noise for your next comedian Casey Flesh Casey Flesh, everybody There he is Here we go. Here's Casey, everyone. Fuck yeah.

Hey, everybody. Hi. Hi. Thank you for coming to my show. I don't know if you guys can tell. You guys probably can't over there, but you guys might be able to. On Tuesday, I woke up and I had Bell's palsy, right? Like, the left side of my face doesn't work.

Like, I don't know if you guys have ever had one of those days where you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you're like, fuck, I gotta go to the hospital. You probably have, Daryl, but... It sucks to have and have a face, right? Like, the biggest part, like, the biggest problem I have is i can't like i can't like have sex with a lady right because i like to talk when i have sex and like now i can't say the right words right because i'm just like oh yeah that feels so fucking good oh yeah like i love your boobs like it doesn't it doesn't work right like if i go down on her, I gotta do one side at a time. Like...

Yeah, I guess that's it. Thank you. Fucking awesome, dude. Hell yeah. Incredible. KC Fletch. So that really happened to you on Tuesday? Well, actually, it was like a month ago, but... A month ago. It's funnier if it's recent. And they treated it and everything? How soon after it happened did you on Tuesday? Well, actually, it was like a month ago. A month ago. It's funnier if it's recent.

And they treated it and everything? How soon after it happened did you get to the hospital? I know that you only have so much time to treat that or else it gets stuck that way, right? Well, I went like a day and a half. Somebody thought that was a joke. They don't know anything about Bell's Palsy over there. Someone's just cracking up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, I had a cousin who used to cross his eyes a lot as a kid. It stuck. Nah, come on. So, Casey, tell us about it. Tell us about the Bell's Palsy. I'm very intrigued by the subject because as a pro wrestling fan, especially as a kid, there was the main announcer, Jim Ross. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess he's a personal hero of Ross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess he – He's a personal hero of mine. Yeah. No, mine too. I almost got to work with him a couple weeks ago at the Roast of Ric Flair, but it got canceled. It was going to be one of the coolest moments of my life. He had a stroke, didn't he? No, he had to have some – he pulled a – he was like Jake Elfman, had to have a couple quick heart surgeries real quick.

Ric Flair has had some fun in his days. Anyway, one of the Mondays, Monday Night Raw started, and JR, who was always just normal face down south, like, God, this is crazy. One week he just came on. He's like, I'm stricking my balls. And, like, I was a little kid, and I'm like, oh, fuck.

What the fuck? And I've never forgotten about it since. It's pretty common, right? Like, there's a couple people. I guarantee, like, half the people in here have had it or, like, know somebody who's had it. But, like, what it is is, like, the doctors don't really know what causes it. Like, I asked him. I'm like, why did this happen?

And he just goes, I don't know. Like, he's a fucking doctor, right? Let's check in with Daryl real quick. Yeah, I feel like a lot of Minnesota gets Taco Bell's palsy. Yeah. Casey, I'm going to ask you this because it's interesting. We had a guy named Alomine on this show in Des Moines, Iowa. And he did another spot before that, I believe Omaha or Kansas or something.

And he did another spot before that, I believe Omaha or Kansas or something. Anyway, he told us that he got hit with Bell's palsy after he tried to smoke weed out of a Clorox Tide container, like a plastic container. Did you smoke things out of weird things ever? You ever smoke out of a plastic device? No, I use regular stuff. I really don't know what happened. I just woke up and it was just dead like that's wow and immediately did you know what happened from jim ross no i i thought i was having a stroke right but then i i googled the symptoms of stroke and realized the face was the

only thing were you under like a lot of stress or anything like anything else that you can think of that was unnormal well they say? They think it's an infection in the nerves right behind your eye. A week or two before that, I got jabbed in the eye real fucking hard. Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. By who? How did that happen? Myself. I was trying to put on sunglasses.

I'm not good at it. There are some real fucking dorks here in Minneapolis. I'm telling you right now. It got really sunny really fast. Oh, man. I got to get out of here, guys. How long does it last? Oh, God, my face don't work no more.

How long does it usually last? Well, they say like weeks to months, but some people come up and they're like, hey, you know, my cousin had it and it lasted seven years. So, you know, you never know. Hell yeah. I think you're going to have it a little while. Daryl.

Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, I feel like he looks like if Jim Gaffigan played the sugar water guy from Men in Black. Absolutely does. Yeah. And you can have that. I can have that? I'm going to use it. What do you do for work

other than ring bells in a church clock tower? He shows up to work. They're like, you look great. Get up there. Do your job. Actually, He shows up to work. They're like, you look great. Get up there. Do your job.

Actually, I'm pretty much a stand-up comic. That's pretty much what I am. Hell yeah. I love it. And you've been doing this, what, four or five years? Four and a half. Four and a half years. I fucking know it. Because the way that you were able to turn that into a...

When did it happen again? About a month ago. Yeah. Then you're already... I mean, it just feels so natural. I was really writing jokes before I went to the hospital. Of course.

That's what real comedians do. Everything that happens, it's like, fuck, and then immediately you're like, ooh, this could be fucking good. Instantly. That is so fucking cool. Four and a half, five years, all here in Minneapolis. Most of it, yeah.

You get work at clubs. Work the road a lot, but yeah. Yeah? Yeah. That's so great. You get, like, where, have you ever, like, you work with other people? Open for anyone big or anything like that? I opened for Josh Blue four or five times.

Oh, cool. He's a good guy from St. Paul. Heck yeah. You're both handicapped. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. It's a different guy from St. Paul. Heck yeah. You're both handicapped. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. A different kind of palsy, but yeah.

His legs are like your face. Yeah. His whole body, yeah. His left hand is like my left face. I love it, man. Well, what else about you, Casey? What else would we be interested to know about you? Man, I don't know.

That last joke about going down on my girlfriend, I got to do one set at a time, she wrote that. Oh, that's so cool. Really, I can't take the credit for it. No, I love that. Just like painting a fence, you got to do one shot at a time. How long have you been with your girlfriend for? About four months. Four months.

And what does she do? She is a hairdresser and also a comedian. Oh, she also does comedy. She's way better than I am. Really? Is she here tonight? How long has she been doing it for? About two years. Wow, that is so

fucking cool. That is awesome. She's great. Well, I love your style, man. You're absolutely hilarious. Great fucking performance tonight and just great overall stuff. Congratulations to you, Casey. We'll see you again soon. There he goes, Casey Flesch. He's on Twitter, Casey Flesch.

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And you hear all these new companies popping up all the time. The coolest thing about Infinite CBD is that, you know, they test the purity. A third party does do that. And I think that's pretty important because you never know what you're buying at some of the other CBD companies. It's true. I love the CBD pills with caffeine. It's great for when I need to focus, be calm, and get stuff done. It's true. I love the CBD pills with caffeine. It's great for when I need to focus, be calm and get stuff done. It works for me and research has shown it helps

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You guys have fun? Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Tyler Anderson, everybody. Tyler Anderson. Here we go. There he comes. Where is he? Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

Tyler Anderson. This is great. Where is he? Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Tyler Anderson. This is great. This is great. Man, people from Minnesota are so great, right? We have our northern accents. It's fucking awesome, right? Except, of course, a lot of us say we don't have northern accents until you meet someone from Brainerd.

I was at my mom's house the other day, and her friend comes over, Marie. She walks in the door. Well, that's a real nice car you got out there. Yeah. Yeah. You know, my son Ian, he plays the trumpet down at the U. Well, they got free concerts every Thursday. You should take your friends.

Yeah, Marie, that's exactly what I want to fucking do on a Thursday with my homies. So I'm at this fucking concert, right? And I look to my left. Not even shitting you. There is Marie. She looks right back at me. She throws up the rocker symbol. Hell yeah!

That's it. Yay now. Tyler Anderson. Very cool. First time doing stand-up? First time. Heck yeah. And it's so nice of you to take a break from delivering pizzas to swing by here and do that for us.

How'd you know? Do you really deliver pizzas? I deliver pizza. That's what you do for work? I fucking deliver pizza, man. Pizza Luce, Richfield, you know. Are you fucking serious? Swear to God.

So you dress like a pizza delivery guy even when you're not delivering pizzas? Black undershirt, red shirt? I don't just deliver pizza, though. Oh, what else do you do? I also sell vegetables on the side of the road. Really? What kind of vegetables? You don't just deliver pizza, though. Oh, what else do you do? I also sell vegetables on the side of the road. Really? What kind of vegetables?

You don't look Mexican. What kind of vegetables do you sell? Sweet corn, tomatoes, onions, whatever grows in Minnesota. Damn. Wow, that is incredible. This is what many Minnesota Mexicans look like. Yeah. White guys.

My goodness. Showing off their ankles. TheTruckFarmMN.com Alright settle down Look at you you're wearing capris You're rocking it a little hip style I've never seen shoes shaped like that before Yeah that's from

You know what that's from That's from the grease in the pizza joints It gets in your the rubber It looks like fat feet to me Gets into the rubber And then it tilts up pizza joints. It gets into your... It looks like fat feet to me. Gets into the rubber and then it tilts up. I know about it. I worked at a pizza place for a while. I made pizzas when I was in high school.

Uptown Pizza, Youngstown, Ohio. Belmont Avenue. I made it. Me too. What did you say back there? I also worked at Starbucks. Are you the same guy from the other night? That is so fucking weird. There was a guy at a show two shows ago

that when I quoted another one of my jobs working at restaurants, the guy goes, Nuh-uh, Starbucks. And I'm like, Well, I also did that when I started stand-up. That's a different time. I've had different jobs.

That guy clearly works at Starbucks as well, and he's proud that you worked at Starbucks at one point. It's true. He's like, don't lie about your past. I love you. Yeah. No, it's true. Definitely true.

You ever deliver a pizza and a lady hit on you? No, not really. People invite you in your house, and I'm never comfortable, so I'm like, eh, I'm okay. You've never gone in? Nothing's been happening? Like the Super Bowl or anything like that? You're like, I'll check the score?

Yeah, not really. I don't have really that many cool pizza stories. Really? How about real life stories when you're not delivering pizza? Anything interesting about you or anything ever happen to you? Well, I'm getting married next year. Oh, really? Wow.

Look at that. My goodness. Sorry, ladies. Wow. Look at that. My goodness. Yeah. Sorry, ladies. Wow. Collective sigh. Yeah. You heard it. You heard it.

How long have you been with her for? Four years. Four years. A little over four years. Heck yeah. What does she look like? Extra large with pineapple? In some areas, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, she's got big boobs. Oh, yeah. That's what you indicated with your hand. Pepperoni nipples areas, yeah. She's got big boobs. That's what you indicated with your hand. Pepperoni nipples. Hell yeah. What was your name again? Tyler. Cool. Tyler, Tyler, Tyler.

What does she do? What does she do? She does a lot of things. She works at Aveda corporate office. The Aveda products, hair products. Oh, wow. We see who wears the capris in this relationship. I get a discount.

And then she also nannies as well. Once a week. You? She nanny you? That's a full-time gig. What color are these kids? They're white, I believe. White. Where is she nanny at? North Loop? No, actually South Minneapolis

I think she could diversify their portfolio They might have some half Asian, half black kids coming up pretty soon Yeah, dude, they're coming Some blackie Chans. Blackie Chans. I love it.

Wow, well, that's interesting, Tyler. Again, do you have any hobbies? Anything fun that you like to do? You ever go mountain biking here in Minnesota? No, no. I do some indoor rock climbing, but I'm not too good. You also sell produce. Do you have a farm or do you just go to the grocery store and buy a lot

of carrots? It's sort of like that. No, I actually source from local farms. I don't grow anything. I grow a little bit. I have a garden, but not much. But I source from a bunch of different farms and I have two roadside stands. I'm adding a third one this year. It's doing pretty well. I love it.

People love sweet Corn here, so. I love it, Ty. And this was your first time on stage? Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. I think I did a play when I was in middle school. Yeah, what did you play in the play? I think it was like a backup part.

Oh, no, no. Actually, I sung a song, I'm pretty sure. Wow. I sung a song. You're pretty sure. You better sing it now. He doesn't even remember if he sang a song. He's not going to remember the goddamn song.

Definitely don't remember the song. He's got one shoddy memory. You have the memory. That one? That song? Is it Beetlejuice? Daylight comes and I want to go home. Don't.

Stop it. Freddie Mercury is rolling in his grave right now Freddie Mercury just got AIDS again alright there he goes Tyler Anderson everybody we got him up and out quick what do you think we should go one more time right

and then get out of here no matter what happens what do you think do you think we should do that really you think so happens? What do you think? You think we should do that? Really? You think so? Really? You think so?

I think, okay, let's do that. We've seen this guy with the ukulele in a few of the cities that we've been to and he hasn't gotten pulled out of the bucket. What do you say we give him a shot, huh? He's been following us around the country. Here he comes. Let pulled out of the bucket. What do you say we give him a shot, huh? He's been following us around the country. Here he comes. Let's see what happens here.

Put your hands together for, what is it? Cousin Vinny. Put your hands together for Cousin Vinny, everybody. He's got a fucking ukulele. Let's go out on a bang. This has been one of our favorite episodes this week. You ready to fucking end it? Cousin Vinny, everybody.

Alright, this song's for a beautiful Latina woman that couldn't make it tonight. Her name was Jolina. Ah, man. Jolina. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Jolina, oh, sorry. Jolina, jacked me off in the back of a bus.

Jolina, you jacked me off, was it love or lust? was it love or lust? You jacked me off on a train jacked me off on a plane jacked me off in the rain jacked me off and now I'm in pain. Jolina, you jacked me off in the back of a truck. You jacked me off in the back of a truck.

Jolina, you jacked me off and we did not fuck. You jacked me off everywhere, jacked me off in your hair, jacked me off on your snare, jacked me off And you don't care Jolina You jacked me off You jacked me off You jacked me off You jacked me off Wow, look at that Cousin Vinny

How fucking awesome That was great Wow, look at that. Cousin Vinny, how fucking awesome. That was great. Wow, paying tribute to the great Joel Vergeul Jimenez's character. Hey, I'm fucking wet right now. Hey, look out. Look out. What was that? That rang a bell.

My goodness, that was awesome. Cousin Vinny? Si. Alright. You ever do comedy? I just got even wetter. Hey. You ever do comedy before? No, sir. And you wrote that just for this? Yes. And where did we see you at before?

Des Moines. Just Des Moines. Heck yeah. And how long did you drive to get here? Three hours. And how long did you drive to get to Des Moines? Three hours. Three hours. Hell yeah. Everything's three hours.

What do you have, a fucking DeLorean? That's interesting. I love it, Casey. I mean, Cousin Vinny. What do you do for work? Well, I quit my last job Thursday. Wow. What was that?

Taco Bell? I was a custodian. Oh, what was that? Taco Bell? I was a custodian. Oh, yeah? At an elementary school. At an elementary school. And you're like, fuck this shit. Yeah.

Did you leave or did they force you to leave? I left. Okay. Heck yeah. It must be hard being a janitor in an elementary school when you look like one of the students. Yep. And it's like, hey, what class do you have next period? I'm the janitor, kid.

Get out of here before I hit you with this mop. Alright, I don't know. So how long were you a janitor in an elementary school? Like four years. Four years. Now what's your next move? What are you going to do? I just got accepted a job at Camp Dodge in Iowa. Oh, that's cool.

As a custodian. Oh, hey, look at that. Moving on up. Yeah. Hell yeah. At a car dealership. A custodian at a car dealership? Is that what you said?

Camp Dodge. It's a military base. Oh, I thought it was a Dodge dealership or something. Never mind. Floors need to be mopped, what the? Simone. I love that. And how long have you been playing the ukulele for?

Like two years. I love it. That is so cool. I'll tell you, man, thank you so much for writing that song. You took us out on a big bang. That was a fucking awesome thing. How about a hand for Cousin Vinny? Thank you.

How about a hand for Daryl for recommending that idea? That's fun. We did it, guys. That's Kill Tony Minneapolis. Did you guys have fun? Action packed two-hour show for you. So much fun. Heck yeah, there he goes. Cousin

Vinny. So much fun tonight. Be sure to get your tickets for Philly, New York City, and all the other fun things coming up. There's a lot of fun things coming up and a couple announcements right around the corner to finish out our touring for the year of 2019. How about a hand good and loud, Minneapolis, for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins. Jeremiah Watkins. Daryl.

Yeah, baby. He did it again. Jeremiah's got the new Reagan and Watkins album. It's at the top of the charts. Be sure to get it, reaganandwatkins.com. Listen to Jeremiah Wonders. A lot of fun episodes out right now. Pete Holmes, more roadcasts coming out soon and other fun things.

And follow him on YouTube at Jeremiah Watkins. Follow him on social media at Jeremiah's Stand-Up. And he's got some dates coming up. Phoenix, San Diego, where else? June 28th, Reagan and Watkins is headlined down in San Diego. And then also coming up July 18th, Reagan and Watkins will be headlining Stand-Up Live in Phoenix. Joel Berg will be opening for us. Regan and Watkins will be headlining stand-up live in Phoenix. Joel Berg will be opening for us, as well as the 21st.

We're down in Huntington Beach with Joel Berg and William Montgomery. Hey, look at that, taking the cast with them. How about a hand for him? How loud can this place get for the great Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, huh? He put it all on the line for you here tonight. That was a true Mexican drum-off. It's his first ever time in Minneapolis, Minnesota. What do you think, Joel? I mean, this is dope.

I'm a huge fan of Atmosphere. It's cool to be in the home of Atmosphere. Hey! Shout-out to Clash Drums for hooking up the sweet Ludwig Vintage snare. Yes. I love you guys. If you guys ever need drums, need to rent drums, need to buy drums, go to Clash Drums. They were very cool.

It was one of those things on this one where I actually took care of it myself. I literally called there. It was a very helpful staff. They put me right through to Jeremy, who was there, and literally we took care of this entire thing in two minutes. He's so cool. I can tell you

that if he's that cool to me, he'll be that cool to you here in Minnesota. So check out Clash Drums. That's Clash with a K. And, yeah, we did it again, Red Band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot, guys. Minnesota, we love you. Thank you so much.

Good night. All right. We are going to be selling posters, pins, and the new Reagan and Watkins album right over there in just a couple minutes. So if you want to make a straight line, we'll take pictures with you. We'll sign your poster if you get one and whatever else you want to tell us about whatever. We love you. Good night.ご視聴ありがとうございました