KILL TONY - KILL TONY #369 - NEW YORK #1

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

Mark Normand, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 06/20/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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connectsontario.ca Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website deathsquad.tv There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions to the shows, and if you click

on tour dates, you can come see us live. Not only are we at the world famous comedy store every Monday, but we are on the road. July 10th will be in Plano, Texas at the Hyenas. July 11th, Fort Worth, Texas. July 25th will be in Philadelphia at the Fillmore Theater. And July 26th will be in Pittsburgh. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Check out that for everything Golden Pony, TonyHinchcliffe.com.

Ryan J. Ebelt, the house artist, he draws every episode, he makes posters, he made the book. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, shop squad.tv. The official merchandise of the Death Squad universe and Kill Tony. Check out Kill Tony t-shirts, Death Squad hats and mugs. Go to shop squad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Gramercy Theater

in New York City for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchclap! New York City, make some fucking noise. We're here. Hey, it's Brian Redman, everybody. Hey, what's up, guys? Wow, how exciting is this?

The first ever non-Skankfest standalone Kill Tony in New York City. How about that? What a place to be at, huh? It's crazy. I have the fucking New York urn of destiny here. Wow. Still waiting on those names to be cut up. Fucking a little bit of chaos.

You guys excited about this shit or what? Live from the Gramercy Theater. Boy, oh boy, we've come a long way, Brian. No doubt, no doubt. How exciting is this? I fucking love it. It's so good to be here. You know, it's all happening.

Ryan J. Ebeld couldn't make it tonight. However, we do have some amazing New York, very special prints made for you guys that are available after the show. We'll sign them and take pics with you real quickly because we've got to get ready for another show tonight at 10 p.m. Tickets still available, by the way. A few tickets if anybody gets antsy and wants to live their dreams here tonight. And we've got a huge surprise on the second show also.

Yeah, a really, really big surprise, which is very exciting because, you know, it's a crazy weekend. How many of you are going to Skankfest this weekend, huh? Oh, boy. Redband with a hard double-armed lean. Look at that. A real reminder that you can get Wendy's on Postmates anytime or place.

Use the promo code KILLTONY and you can get fucking Postmates. How exciting is that? Just a collapsing table. Very cool. The lovely Gramercy Theater. We made it. This is so good. You make it all the way to the top. This is what

it's going to be like one day when we're in Madison Square Garden. We're going to be here. We're going to be like, so great to be here. This is exciting. This is what it's like in the big leagues. You just gotta deal with shit and roll with it. So fun. What else?

I need to cover anything else? Let's just get into it, right? Normally we go guest list on these road shows, which is an exciting, exciting thing. But you know what? Since we're in New York City, I figured why not do something special and have a guest. So we're going to have a guest tonight.

I'm really, really excited about this. This guy, this is his first time guesting on Kill Tony. He is another one of the top young rising comedians in the world. This is a guy that I absolutely love. I adore. I consider him my West Coast brother. He's fucking hilarious. And I think you're going to be really excited when I tell you that tonight's guest is New York's very own Mark Norman, everybody. What? That's crazy. It's Mark Norman. Hey. Oh, look at that! How exciting! Sit right here, Mark. Right there, buddy. Welcome, welcome!

You brought out a fucking... Look at that shit right there. That's destiny happening. I'm excited about this. Fucking welcome to the show, Mark. Hey, hey. Good to be here. Thanks for having me. Mark sounds like that all the time. I always forget. We might be the two worst voices in comedy. It's absolutely true. I get told that all the time.

Although we should add Michelle Wolf. Oh, yeah. Horrible voice. Yeah. Great vagina. Very rough. Very rough. But I'm excited that you're here.

This is a lot of fun. You're a true new yorker sure and uh fuck yeah thanks thanks for having me sorry about a ari bill that i wasn't gonna tell them that he was a secret guest sorry sorry he sucks wow anyway still a secret guest on the 10 p.m show uh for those of you uh there's still a secret guest on the 10 p.m. show. For those of you, there's still a secret. No, I didn't say Ari's the secret guest. I said there's a secret guest. Oh, good, good.

But it's a secret. No telling any more secrets. Sorry, sorry. We all hate Ari. Boo Ari. I'm sorry Ari Shafir bailed of Netflix fame 45 minutes before the show. You know him, you love him. It would have been more fun, but here we are.

No, I'm kidding. We're going to have fun tonight. I love it when it's people's first time seeing that being this close to the chaos that is Kill Tony, the machine. And one of my favorite things, not one of my favorite, truly my favorite thing about this show is the fact that we have a band.

Ooh! They're one of my favorite things in all of comedy, period. They truly fucking crack me up. Every single episode, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be or what they're going to do. Lately, it's been a lot of new characters.

They were bison yesterday in Poughkeepsie. They looked a lot like cows, but they said they were bisons. Last week on Monday at the Comedy Store with Brian Holtzman, they were jocks. They all had the same letterman jacket,

and sometimes it's the return of some of their famous characters. We never know what they're going to be beforehand. They had a separate dressing room. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, we're all going to find out at the same time what we're going to be beforehand. They had a separate dressing room. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, we're all going to find out at the same time what we're dealing with tonight. Make some noise for the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band.

Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. What's it going to be tonight? What's it going to be tonight? Oh! Wow! Holy shit, it's Jolina and Salvador! Wow, it's been a long time. Two of the most famous characters in Kill Tony history,

that is Salvador, the Mariachi, everybody. And holy moly, I believe I have not seen you since Dublin, Ireland, young lady. It is Jolina. Hey, what's up, Nueva York? Salvador, how's it going up there, buddy? Been a long time.

Salvador, I always love to party. Salvador, I haven't seen you, right, since Dublin, Ireland? Do you have trouble with immigration? Always. My goodness. And Jolina, how about you? It was fine, man. I met a little leprechaun who stimulated my clitoris.

Stuck it in your clitoris. I think we have a baby coming on the way, you know? Wow, this is crazy. Mark, these are some extremely famous characters from the show. Salvador is a mariachi. And Jolina is a bad bitch, eh? Say it, fool. She does a lot of things to men.

Oh, got it. She's been in prison a lot. She's a tough... You're Puerto Rican, right? I'm Mexican, fool, and I might be going back to jail tonight if you keep it up, eh? Salvador, keep your bitches in control over there,

will you? I do not own her. All right. I'm excited about this. We have a couple of my favorite characters. Mark Norman, Brian Redband is here, which brings me to this. The great fucking New York Paul Bear's Urn of Destiny tonight. This is a fucking champagne bucket built for a goddamn fucking obese king.

A bunch of people signed up on their way in. You know how it works. If your name gets pulled out of that bucket, you're going to end up coming right this way. This young man's going to direct you up here with a little flashlight through the back way. Just take your time. Don't trip over anything. Don't hurt yourself. And then you come up here and you get 60 seconds uninterrupted to do

stand-up comedy of some kind. Maybe it's your first time. Maybe it's a comedy vet. You never know what's going to happen. Then we interview you. You know your 60 seconds of stand-up is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry Chelsea Bear. This is it. We're fucking live. you guys ready to do this shit

New York City you're gonna have to do a little bit better than that the camera's all the way in the back of the theater here we fucking go that's right I don't want any of that fucking LA energy we took a long flight to so you guys aren't all fucking mellow and indica'd up. Is this a sativa audience tonight? Hell yeah. Which reminds me, Infinite CBD is... Alright, let's get into it. I pulled the name

out of the bucket. Your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds and then he has to deal with the force of everything up here. Put your hands together for J.M. DeVero. J.M. DeVero. J.M. DeVero. Let's see what happens here. There's a guy walking towards the stage.

This might be J.M. I believe it is. Here we go. Hell yeah. Here he goes. One more time for J.M. DeVero. Happy belated Father's Day. Until recently, I was actually a single dad, but not anymore. I met a beautiful woman, and we decided to kill my son.

Glad you could all make it out in the rain tonight. When I was younger, I had this weird thing where I would get a tickle in my back every time it was about to start raining. It was just my uncle's way of letting me know we could stay in bed all day. Not to get political here, guys, listen, say what you will about Trump. He's done one good thing, which is create Space Force, a sixth branch of the armed forces in space. Come on. I got so excited about Space Force, I wrote

the perfect slogan for Trump's Space Force. Black matter lives. You can already imagine all the flat earthers coming out of the woodworks. Technically, all matter lives. Thanks a lot. That's my time.

Wow. Look at that. What a great way to kick off the show. A guy doing smart, well-written fucking material. Nice to meet you, JM. Thank you. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy for? First time.

First time? What? Whoa. What the fuck? you, JM. Thank you. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy for? First time. First time? What? Whoa! We're getting the fucking party started here tonight. Holy shit. Hopefully we're going to be able to ride this wave. Look at you. I was not expecting that. Thank you. First time.

How long have you been preparing for this? A couple months. A couple months. Hell yeah. It's been a long time for you to come to New York. I love it. I love it. Salvador. My first time was with a tuba player named Maria. I don't think he's talking about that kind of first time, Salvador.

Have you done any kind of other professional speaking or do you have a job? Because you seem so comfortable on stage. I've given one wedding speech and that's about it. One wedding speech. My goodness. Gay wedding? No. Brother's wedding. One wedding speech? My goodness. Gay wedding? Oh. Brother's wedding. Oh, so it was gay.

Great, great job. Also, you have an older brother on a sitcom hair, which I appreciate. You do have an interesting look. JM looks like he owns a lot of, like if you walked into his apartment they'd have a lot of easels. I've never said that about anyone before, but you draw, you paint?

No, no, no artistic capabilities. No artistic capabilities. Not in the painting department. Interesting. What do you do for fun? For fun? You know, just try to be a good husband and hang out. Gentrify neighborhoods? Wow. What do you do for a living, JM?

I'm a creative director at an agency. Wow. Look at you. My goodness. That's a good paying job, huh? It's okay. You have one of those apartments in New York that looks like Tom Hanks' apartment in Big? No, I wish.

That's what I've always wanted in my life. Since I was a little kid, I'm like, one day I'm going to have a fucking trampoline. Let's do this. You'd think you would just buy a house, but no, you can't do that here. You got to live in some creepy big apartment. You have a creepy big apartment? No, it sits. Just a seven bedroom at the top of the.

What does your wife do? You said you're a husband. I am. She does better than i do wow come on we gotta know i'll leave it at that come on jay this is what happens when you let us use your imagination that's fair fair enough i'll leave it at that you can't even give us a hint at what she does like i mean like how much better than you does she do? Ten times better?

Significantly better. Is she like one of the most successful people in New York or something? Like, can you? Is she a better comic? I wish we'd find out. I tried to get her to sign up. Yeah. Oh.

Wow. Maybe show two. Oh, interesting. But you can't tell me what she does for a living. This fucking shocks me. Honestly, I just want to get off this stage so fast. What? I really just want to get off this stage.

No, that's not how it works. That's not how it works. You want her to do good with your set? You want her to fucking have a good 60 seconds? Well, then I have to find out more fucking shit about you. You didn't give us enough to make fun of you with, so now you have to fucking tell us about your personal life.

If you spill the beans, I will eat them. Ah! Oh my god. JM, you gotta let go of that mic stand, baby. This is the only thing keeping me standing right now holding on that's his rich wife trying to leave him right now

I'll never let you go he's always choking her my goodness so how long have you been with this super super such a successful woman that you can't even tell us what she does over six years total with a break in between super, super, such a successful woman that you can't even tell us what she does? Over six years total with a break in between. Oh.

Way back, way back, way back. We dated a long time ago. Yeah, why was there a break in between? She met a man named Salvador. Was this Maria? Is her name Maria? No, no. I put my fist in her tuba. Was this Maria? Is her name Maria? No, no. We met very young. I put my fist in her tuba.

Uh-huh. Go ahead, JM. No, he did not like that one. Go ahead, JM. Keep answering the question. We met barely out of school. Uh-huh. Had a great summer romance,

and then went our separate ways for five years. What was she doing for work back then? The same thing. Really? What is it? Does she come from a rich family? No, no, no. She's earned it all herself.

Is she here with you? She is here with me. Let me ask you this. Would you be willing to do me a favor? Can you say, sweetheart, is it okay if I tell these guys what you do? Because I think at this point, with the entire audience wanting to know, I have a feeling she might. She works at a tech company in New York City.

She gave you permission? I think I saw either a thumbs up or a middle finger. I'm not sure which one it was. Why wouldn't you be able to tell us that she works at a tech company? I just didn't know how specific. Now we've got to know what the tech company is. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, that's what we... It's AshleyMadison.com. Is it really? Oh, you son of a bitch. You fucking dirty liar. To think of how much I liked you only five minutes ago. How far we've come. Wow.

Uber. Sorry? Uber. Vimeo. You're just going to keep... Yeah. I'm just looking at your eyes. Is it okay if he tells us?

Yeah. There you go. You fucking pushover. We see who wears the goddamn pants in this relationship. Definitely. And the thicker wallet. Go ahead. Now you're fucking stuck.

She works at Google. Wow. That's so cool. I can't believe it took you six minutes to tell us that. I don't know how to say it to that. Who knows? Have you ever Google searched, hey, where'd my nuts go? Have you, Jolina?

Have you Google searched that? I know where my nuts went. Wow. JM, any other fun facts about you we should know about? One time I asked... I'm really excited. I can't believe...

Whoa, go ahead. I said, one time I asked Jeeves if I had chlamydia, and he never got back to me. Wow. There you go. All right. We squoze that one in there. Well, you know, it was a timing thing, and then it passed, and then I said it anyway.

I know. That's my point. I know. I know. I saw you think about it, and that's why. Well, as soon as he said, here, you go ahead, I go, oh, no, this is not going to work. No, I know. I saw you think about it, and that's why. Well, as soon as he said, here, you go ahead, I go, oh, no, this is not going to work. No, I know. I saw the whole thing.

I know exactly what happened. I watched every millisecond of it, and then I watched it go, it's probably not going to work, but I'm going to go for it. And then I watched it. I think he set me up because he's still upset. I said I fisted his wife's tuba. Hell, yeah. I missed it the first time, but I got it that time. Well, JM, I mean, you had an

unbelievable set tonight. For a first time, I mean, just great. So great. There he goes, JM DeVero, guys. There he goes. Hopefully he does it again, man. Well, yeah. If that was his first time. A guy like that has

to do it again, right? He's got the fucking money-making wife at home, just raking in the fucking Google dollars. And look how protective of her he is, huh? He was acting like she worked for Bing or something. If they ever break up, let me know. I swing both ways. My goodness.

You guys having fun yet? All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Drew Williamson, everybody. Drew Williamson. Here we go. Let's see what happens here. Here he comes.

He's got a steady pace. Hey, how about I in for the band? Playing new music all night? So talented, these guys. Hey, one more time for Drew, everybody. I like to keep my shoelaces loose just in case I have to kick it. I like to keep my shoelaces loose just in case I have to kick it.

You don't need GPS to track me through the city. You can follow me with coffee stains and cigarette butts. Alright, here we go. My wife is from Korea, and I've been trying to learn Korean. So this hat says, I have no fucking idea. I have no fucking idea what that hat says. I've come up with a new invention called the sling dick. You can put a condom on with a slingshot. I'm still going.

I'm still going. Come on, people! Listen, I don't do anything wrong or the dishes. I don't do anything wrong or the dishes. There's the bear. Drew Williamson, everyone. I'm going to go first here.

I'm going to tell you something, all right? I know that you... I'm going to tell you something right now. I don't know how long you've been doing this or what the deal is, but I'm just going to tell you right now, you are my new favorite comedian of all time. Not the funniest, but there's something... I could watch

you bomb up there for hours. Literally, I could just lay down with a sleeping bag, eating popcorn. I mean, there's just something about watching you struggle that's amazing. Oh, yeah. It's a struggle. It's a thing that it's been how good you're doing since you let everything go haywire in Chernobyl.

And here you are now just fucking up here smashing. I can't remember which young television star you remind me of, but like all grown up version of some kind of like fucking like, I don't know, like some howdy doody shit or something like that. Tony, this food looks like the dead Beastie Boy. That's good. That's actually good. Not doing bad there. Rest in peace, MCA. You look like if Waldo moved to the Burbs.

Oh, my God. What the fuck do you look like? There's something. It's definitely a little bit of the Beastie Boy, but there's something else. It's almost like Ferris Bueller's buddy that, like, stays in bed that he tries to hang out with and steal his dad's car a little bit. You look like the face on a candy wrapper. Thank you. I've had worse.

One of the Pep Boys. Yeah, that's a very good one. Yeah. Thank you. I've had worse. One of the pep boys. That's a very good one. Hell yeah. He looks like that one guy from Revenge of the Nerds all grown up. Oh yeah. With the cunnilingus rape. It's true. But you are. You are a powerful fucking confident nerd.

You really are. True. How long have you been doing stand-up for? This is my first time Hell yeah That makes That makes sense That's the only answer You could have given

To get that kind of applause Congratulations And what school Do you teach at Professor of Nothing What No

What do you do for work? I teach nothing. I work backstage at a Broadway show. Really? Wow. Wow. That's interesting.

I don't have an immediate response for that. Really not used to that answer. That's a fucking New York answer right there if you're wondering. I'm just an L.A. guy. Like, what? Broadway? What? By the look of you, I'm just an L.A. guy. Like, what? Broadway? What?

By the look of it, I'm guessing it's not Hamilton. No, not Hamilton. And by the look of it, I'm guessing it is Book of Mormon. Wow. Well done. Really?

Wow. Look at that. That's incredible. Norman with a setup. I'll probably be losing my job after today. No, no you won't. If there's anyone that knows about giving away a Tony or two, it's me. You know what I'm saying? Tony, you have a fun fact about that play, don't you?

Yeah, a fun fact about Book of Mormon is that I at one point was almost on Broadway as the lead role in Book of Mormon. I was almost the nerdy ch lead role in Book of Mormon. I was almost the nerdy chubby guy with the glasses. They were going to puff me up and throw glasses on me, and I almost had it. I was going to be the first replacement for who's the successful guy now? Josh? Josh?

Joshua Gad. Wow. Gad, that's right. Yeah, I was going to be his first replacement. I just barely got beat out. I had planned on it and everything. And I never saw it because I was going to be his first replacement. I just barely got beat out. I had planned on it and everything. And I never saw it because I was going to wait for him to be the role, so I fucked up.

For free tickets, I understand. It's the only musical that I ever have seen live, and I never got to see it until I was in the running to be it. So I got to go. It was in L.A. when they were recasting the Broadway one, and I had to go see it because I was already auditioning for it. So that's a surreal thing. Well, this took a gay turn.

Yeah, it did. It really did. It really did. I've never done a musical before. You should work backstage. Very surreal thing. Whoa. Are you gay, Drew?

No. Really? No, my wife is right here. Oh, Asian wife. That's right. How long Are you gay, Drew? No. Really? No, my wife is right here. Oh, Asian wife. That's right. How long you been with her? 18 years. 18 years.

18 years. Love you a long time. Hell yeah. I love it. 18 years. Where'd you meet her at? Was she in one of the boxes being shipped for Broadway? Yes.

How did you know that? We met in Kansas City in graduate school. Wow. They have Asians in Kansas City? Kansas City. I know. It's an anomaly. That's weird.

What were you studying there? That's her name. My name is Anomaly. Bobby Lee's sister. We both have master's degrees in set design. Oh, she is a master. Oh, a master. I have a master in the kung fu.

Yeah. I love you. Wow, look at that. It's more racist when you do it. It was one of the jokes, actually. Do you ever get bow jobs from her? Oh, Salvador, you got a dirty mind over there. I love it.

I love it. I love it. And you guys fell in love. You do anything? I cannot picture you having sex. Is there anything special that you do in the bedroom? You have any special moves? You're a tall guy. I imagine she, of course, is one of those short Korean girls, right? No chance you got the fucking Yao Ming of Asian women.

Foreplay in my house is me coming up to her and interrupting her studying and saying, okay, honey, it's time. First of all, first of all, first of all, you just wrote yourself a brand new opening joke. Well, hello, honey. It's time.

That's what you say before you murder people, dude. That's true. That's true. Interrupting her study. I mean, that is Asian foreplay. That really is. That's incredible. I interrupt her study, and I tell her it's time.

Wow, I'm going to see that in my nightmares tonight. Have you ever traveled to Korea? We've been to Korea twice, actually. Uh-huh. You ever think about moving there or anything like that? We were discussing retirement plans, but we discovered, she told me recently that all porn is illegal in Korea. Uh-oh.

So that cuts that plan out completely. Wow. What's? Oh, look at that. The first Strollberg chant of the night started on a rim shot. I at that. The first Strollberg Chan of the night started on a rim shot. I like that. I like that. You guys, I think you guys are a good team.

Maybe can you do another like little, any type of one-liner about your Korean wife? It doesn't even have to be funny. Don't trust me. Trust me. You know, just a set-up set of my Korean wife and then blah, blah, blah. Go ahead. My wife really stinks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not fucking wife. You have set up set up. My Korean wife and then blah, blah, blah. Go ahead. My wife really stinks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We have created a monster. Come on, one more.

I need one more good Korean wife one-liner from you. I know you don't have one. Trust me. Trust me. The less that you think about this, the funnier it's going to be. I'm telling you, the less sense it makes, the better it is. Just don't even think about it. Don't use your fucking super brain right now, all right? I want you to just completely improvise.

Look out in those lights and fucking trust yourself. My Korean wife, go. When my Korean wife goes down the slide, it makes a noise like this. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ah! That's gold, baby, gold! I said it once, I'll say it again. You're my favorite comedian in the world right Gold, baby, gold.

I said it once, I'll say it again. You're my favorite comedian in the world right now. Drew Williamson. I know she brought the divorce papers. No, you're right. You guys look like two separate Fred Armisen characters. That's what it is. That's what it is that's what it is you motherfucker drew i mean you are just unbelievable i can't believe i made it up here not only did you make it up here but you did exactly what i think a lot of people want to do which is fucking have a good set and most importantly a great interview you know the interview on this show is an underrated

part of you know being honest and giving us something to work with and it lasts four five six seven times longer than the 60 second set does so that's one of my favorite interviews of all time you're such an interesting character from your looks through your words Drew Williamson everybody

damn I don't know about you guys but this is Drew Williamson everybody damn I don't know about you guys but this is a fucking really fun start to this episode of this show huh we're in it I promise you this this is about as fun as it gets on a show in which anything can happen

how about one more time for my man Drew Williamson his first time ever on stage. Alright. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Rishi. R-I-S-H-I. Here we go.

Come this way, Rishi. Okay. Alright. Go that way. Is there any walkway there? There is, right? There's a little bit of room to walk there? A little bit? Yeah.

That's what we'll do from now on. Here he comes. Come on up here. Here we go. On that ledge, my friend. Step back. Hey. One more time for Rishi, everybody.

All right. My girlfriend took me to my first yoga class this year. I figured I'm Indian, the Hindu variety. I play Street Fighter exclusively with dollism. So fuck it, let's do this. It kicked my ass. They had us awkwardly twist our bodies into something called the pigeon pose. They had us awkwardly twist our bodies into something called the pigeon pose.

Apparently in the yoga community, the pigeon is not a fat, lazy bird, but rather a graceful, flexible creature. When the yoga master yelled out, pigeon pose, I thought a depressed accountant was going to come out and start throwing us leftovers from a park bench. That pose is very inappropriately named. They need to pick a better animal. Some more about me. I was born in Kenya and Africa. I was born in Kenya and Africa. Both my parents were born there as well. I'm also a U.S. citizen, so technically I'm African American, which probably explains why I don't know how to swim. Also, I don't mind when the guy next door calls me the word with the N, G, and R in it.

You know, neighborly. Thank you. Hey. Wow. Rishi, everybody. I like a guy with funny jokes, but there's something about a guy with funny segues that I love even more. I mean, I could tell you literally wrote out on the paper,

some more about me. It was the most pronounced and confident part of your entire set. Very fun. First time doing stand-up? First time. Hell yeah. Rishi, everybody. I love it.

My goodness. And what do you do for work, Rishi? I'm a project manager at IBM. Wow. Look at that. I saw the company. That's someone not afraid to drop a name real quick. Rishi, stand right on that yellow X

so that the audience can see what you look like exactly. Tony. I set you up for a joke that I'm going to do in just seconds. But for right now, I'll say, how long have you been working at IBM? 18 years. Wow, 18 years. That's been the answer for so many questions so far.

18 years, 18 years. That means you can fuck it. Yep. That's been the answer for so many questions so far. 18 years. 18 years. That means you can fuck it. Yep. That's true. Tony, I'm just glad to see this fool alive. I was sad when the dragon burned you up on Game of Thrones. Just happy to have you here, man.

Fuck. Yeah. That was not a good way to go out. have you here man fuck yeah that was not a good way to go out it's he has had a he has had a really uh hard life getting stepped on by the mario brothers um having green shells shot out of him uh he called you a koopa what's funny is like i couldn't think of the of the thing, so I literally had to spell it out. I'm like, hope this works. Can't think of it.

I'm going to call him a Toompa or something like that, but I knew it wasn't Toompa. So Rishi, fucking fun. Interesting stuff. You're an interesting looking guy, but you know that, right? I'm well aware of it. You look like you're either broke or a Saudi prince of some kind. I can't really tell.

Mark, what did you think of seeing Rishi for his first time up here tonight? What do you think of this guy? For the first time, that was solid and, yeah, very impressive. I was surprised to hear you're African. I thought of you more as like an Osama bin Diesel. Yes. I was waiting for Red Band to drop the Lion King for me. To drop the Lion King?

Well, what part of Africa did you say you were born in again? I was born in Kenya. Kenya? We were going to get there, Rishi. We were going to get there. Don't rush us, you son of a bitch. We've been watching too much goddamn Kill Tony. Wow.

That's so fun. And how old were you when you moved here? Six. Six. And what are your parents, what color are they? We are all of the brown persuasion. Are there a lot of brown people in Kenya? Yes.

A lot of Indian people in Kenya. Yes, a lot of Indian people in Kenya. I mean like light brown people? Do you have AIDS? That's what we're getting to. I love it. Rishi, what do you do for fun, man? Besides dress up like a genie? I think i have to be blue for that not brown no you can you pull it off just fine um no i just like a lot of comedy i'm huge tuesdays with stories fan mark norman i love it i love it tony fan um just watch a lot of comedy i

like to travel i've been to i think 20 national parks in the last four years. Wow. What are some of your favorite parks? Definitely Grand Tetons. Where is that? Like the Wisconsin area. Wyoming area, sorry. Oh, Wyoming, where there are bison.

A little fun fact for you. I don't know if you know that. I know. I've educated myself on everywhere that bison exists due to being in an argument with the rest of the cast of the show about it. That was great on the road trip when you guys were debating. Thank you. But when you were in your time in Wyoming, did you happen to see a bison? We did.

Oh, who would have fucking guessed? We saw quite a few bison. Who would have fucking guessed? You think I trust this fool right here? Because I know, I happen to know for a fact, it's one of only two or three states where you can even fucking see a bison. Although I am more of a dollism fan over a bison. A what? I am more of a dollism

fan instead of bison. He made a street fighter joke. Oh, there you go. There you go. I'm just glad to hear you're allowed back in parks. Heck yeah. For those of you listening to the podcast, Rishi is masturbating right now As we speak He's got the Midwest left hand in the pocket

Anytime I can get this close to Mark Norman I love it Anything else we need to know about you Rishi? You're such an interesting character But I feel like there's something you're holding back You ever been arrested before? No, not arrested What do you call it?

Detained for a few years? Just shoved into a lamp. No, but I do get pulled out in TSA a lot. Yeah? What's the worst thing you ever had happen to you? Did they ever check your butt or anything like that? Um, no, but I do, I do get pulled out in TSA a lot. Ah. Yeah? Ah. Uh-huh. What's the worst thing you ever had happen to you? Did they ever check your butt or anything like that?

No, no, unfortunately, no. No. I love it. Rishi, very fun. Did it go how you thought it was going to go tonight? Like, how do you feel about this? How do you feel up here? I mean, it was my, the first time I ever did it, but I mean, for my first

time, I thought it was okay. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So do we. Definitely. I'm just asking you, I'm not asking you what you thought of your set. I'm asking you if you had fun. Like, how do you feel? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a blast. I mean, your show is like one of the things that got me to do this. Can you just

repeat that nine more times, please? Alright, Rishi. Well, I'm kidding. All right, Rishi. Well, I mean, amazing stuff, dude. Congratulations. We're popping a lot of cherries here. All right, thank you. We love it. I love it.

All right, Rishi. Rishi, everybody. Hey. Here he goes. Rishi. Move, bitch. Get out the way. Get out the way, bitch. Get out the way. Get out the way, bitch.

Get out the way. Hey. How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when people pulled out of the bucket do bad on this show? Wow. Listen to that. It's an angry New York show.

I like it. Let's keep it moving along. This is exciting. This looks like someone maybe Jolina met in her past life. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Gio Perez, everyone. Oh, wow, look at this. Wow. Come on, put your hands together for Gio Perez.

All right, all right. Where my weed smokers at? Where you at? Make some noise. Cool, cool. You ever get so high you can sit and watch anything, like anything just starts becoming interesting? Yeah, like me right now?

Last week, I got so high, I sat and watched my brother's entire graduation ceremony. Yeah, that's not even the worst part, man. I didn't find out I was in the wrong school till the end. Embarrassing, man. So my grandparents, they were married for 65 years. Yeah, and that's the appropriate response for a theater full of millennials.

You guys are not impressed, but I had to ask them. I was like, hey, man, what's your secret? So he sat me down. He's like, listen, in the 65 years I was with your grandmother, not once while we were making love did I let her see my face while I was busting a nut. See, I didn't think it was that funny

because I couldn't wrap my eight-year-old brain around that shit. It's terrible. So I tried Molly over New Year's in Alabama, and after being awake for five days, I found out I was actually trying crystal meth for the first time. All right, thank you.

That's my time. Fuck yeah, man. Wow, I love it. So many jokes. Well executed. Heck yeah. I love it. First time doing stand-up?

No way, right? You've been doing it a couple years. Year and a half. Under a year and a half. Year and a half. All here in New York. No, Alabama. Alabama? Huntsville, Alabama. Alabama?

Huntsville, Alabama. Are you up here for Skank Fest? No, no. I just moved back about three weeks ago. Oh, you just moved back. Yeah. So you're originally from here. Yeah.

And then you moved to Alabama for how long? Three years. Let me ask you something, and I think you might know what this question's going to be. What the fuck and how the fuck does a guy that looks like you move to Alabama? For those of you listening to the podcast and not watching, this guy looks like Little Al Yankovic.

I mean, he looks like if Darlene from Roseanne was just an all-out lesbian machine. He looks like Drake and Sideshow Bob at a baby. Pablo Shore. When you went down to Alabama, they legalized abortion.

Yeah. Nice. That's the reason I left. I didn't like old white men telling me what to do with my uterus. My body, my choice. Am I right, ladies? Hell yeah. This was pandering, eh?

So why did you move to Alabama? Oh, man, I just, I was fucking up in life and I had family down there, so they just like, you know, come move down there and that's why I found comedy down there. That's so cool, so interesting. When you say you were fucking up in life, can you explain? Can you elaborate?

I got a couple drug sales. Yeah? Yeah. I was in and out of jail, 20s and teens, so I just had to try something different. Your butthole must look like this bucket right here. I never made it to prison. I was just in jail. Oh, right.

I didn't get that far. What did they do? Just stick a finger in your butt or something? Yeah, we never made it past second base. I love it. I love it. Hell yeah. You just had to make out with a lot of dudes.

Wow. Scariest thing that ever happened to you during that time or in jail or with drugs or anything? Any time you were really frightened? There were so many. I got fucking PTSD from that shit. Yeah? Yeah. I haven't sold drugs since like 2013.

Statue of limitations almost up, people. Yeah. There you go. Heck yeah. So you're a quitter. Yeah. Yeah, man. I love that you're so damaged that you think there's some undercover cop in here waiting.

Maybe he's selling drugs right now. Enough with this super likable comedy show. I'm here for work. He's just going to tackle you when you're done. Abracadabra. I love it. What was your favorite? I missed that.

What was your favorite drug to sell? Excuse me? What was that? What was your favorite drug to sell? My favorite drug to sell? Heroin. That was the fastest money I've ever seen. Did you get on that yourself?

Yeah, I kind of fucked up a little bit. Started taking pills and then started sniffing. I never shot it, by the way. This is going to be on YouTube. My boss is going to be watching this. It's always a funny thing that only former heroin addicts do, where they're like, I only swallowed it. I never put it directly in my bloodstream. For those of you that can relate to that,

it's like either they do or they don't. It's not really a difference maker to us normies. Whoa, he didn't shoot it. I'm going to swap spit with this guy right after! He didn't shoot it. I'm going to swap spit with this guy right after the show. I love it. I only swallowed heroin. I didn't shoot it.

Am I right, ladies? So, Gio, what do you do for work now? How do you make a living? Are you a SoundCloud rapper or something like that? No, no. That failed, so I tried comedy. That wasn't working. You reek of bodega.

Yeah. Good call. I'm Dominican. Good call. Good call. Hey, nailed it. You can tell you've been in New York for a while. He's a real New York guy.

Big easy. You got a sleepy cat around you at work. Yeah, yeah. Is that true? Do you really have a sleepy cat around you? No, no. What do you do for work? I work at a retail store.

Retail store. Stocking shelves. Stocking shelves. Hell yeah. You work regular hours or are you the night crew? Four to one. Four in the morning. Four a.m. to one p.m.

Interesting. So then you sort of sleep until like six or seven, then you do stand up. No, I drive straight out to the city and try to do some mics. Right. Oh, at one p.m.? No, at one p.m. seven then you do stand up no i drive straight out to the city and try to do some mics right oh at 1 p.m no no wait at 1 p.m this mic's out here two three o'clock in the afternoon i'm so confused now i have no idea what the fuck time we're talking about now i don't know what time zone i think you tried to adjust for our la time zone in one of your answers and we lost each other and i don't think we'll ever find out exactly when you work shifts at your job.

I'll never say if this is going to be on YouTube. Oh. That's the only job the highest sellers. You think someone's going to check every retail store in New York? All right. Fuck it. Paranoia. Yeah, it really is.

You seem like a defensive guy. Heroin. Sorry the interview sucked. You have a girlfriend, Gio? Nah, nah. I'm single right now. Heck yeah. You been on a date recently? Nah, man. I just been doing this and working and taking care of my daughter and stuff. Oh, you have a daughter, Gio? Nah, I'm single right now. You've been on a date recently?

Nah, man. I've just been doing this and working. Taking care of my daughter and stuff. Oh, you have a daughter? How old is your daughter? Seven. Perfect. You can wear her t-shirts, clearly. I love it. Does she look like her dad used to do heroin? Nah, I'll wait until she's like 16 to tell her.

Right. But you'll tell her, like, look, look, look, I never shot it. I never shot it. I ate it, I shoved it up my ass a few times, but I never fucking went the needle to fucking shmeagle. What feels better? A hug from your daughter or heroin? Heroin.

heroin. You can all say you were there when Tony Hinchcliffe doubly fell in love with Mark Norman. That is my favorite question of all time ever asked on this show. And let me remind you, Gio, you have to answer honestly. I see hugging my daughter

on heroin. Hey! I see hugging my daughter on heroin. Hey! The old hug the daughter heroin double up. I love it, Gio. You hit us with the fucking one, two. Gio, I fucking loved it, man.

You came out guns a blazing. A lot of people that have been doing this many years end up feeling the pressure of the show when they get up here and they fucking stumble and they get in their heads or sometimes they overthink it, pick the wrong set list. You did absolutely everything right. You came in guns of fucking Blazin' for one of the best sets of the night, if not the best so

far. So thank you so much. I just gotta say, I felt no pressure because I'm used to being judged standing in front of white men. So it was like going to court without the suit, you know? There you go. You had to get that one last fucking jab in there, didn't you? All right, one more time for Gio Perez, everybody.

Follow him on social media, GioPerez86. And Drew Williamson's on Instagram at willy.drew. How about that? The quality of people coming up is so much better here than most places. Yeah, it's incredible. It's crazy. It's fucking mind-blowing. That happened.

We found that out at Skank Fest last year, too. How many of you were at Skank Fest Kill Tonys last year? All right. Geez. I guess a lot of you didn't want to see us last year. My God. How many of you are new fans that have just found out about the show in the past year?

Wow. Jesus. All right. My goodness. Happy to be here. Pulling another name out, make some noise for Michael Joseph, everybody. Michael Joseph.

Wow. Loud yes. He's right here. He's got a whole crew that's excited for him. Wow. People are fist bumping each other over here. This is so exciting. One more time for Michael Joseph.

This is fucking terrifying. I made the joke that I wouldn't get called up here if it was for a million dollars. I'd still be sitting in my seat. But the chance to embarrass myself on YouTube live And faint ass is the call So here I am So the other day I'm sorry

Oh is that it? Okay You used to hold like a dick in my hand so Closer to the mouth the better You know what we're gonna restart it Because no one knows what the fuck you said the first time Just don't say it again But get the

Don't hold that mic You gotta You got a little bit of space. You see what I'm doing? You see how that works? Don't fucking... You're not a fucking... I'm not an up-and-coming rising comedian. I got it. Save it. Save all that fucking thunder. We're going to reset it

one more time for Michael Joseph, everybody. Here we go. So what I was saying was that I would probably be still sitting in my seat right now if this was for a million dollars, but since it's the chance to embarrass yourself on live YouTube, here I am standing. Fade in, this is the call. This is fucking humiliating. So recently, the Wu-Tang Clan got a street named after themselves in Shaolin, or Staten Island.

And I think for the first time in 60 years, that Martin King Boulevard is gonna have some competition for most violent street in America Is that is that too much for 2019? Too much, so let's see what else we got here I was on my way walking here And I'm a big people watcher people listener and I heard two people over talking talking about someone had been diagnosed And I didn't really hear much of the conversation, so I'm trying to think, what did they get diagnosed with? I didn't hear anything, but it couldn't

have been anything positive. Nobody's ever said to you, you've been diagnosed as a millionaire. Getting worse. All right. So let's make fun of myself, right? So recently I got cheated on. Woo! So I've been single for a year by choice because I don't want to be humiliated again. But here I am being humiliated again. There you go. Michael Johnson, everybody. Didn't hear the meow.

Got the Chelsea bear. Sorry. Hell yeah. Stick with me, Michael. Hell yes. Michael, first time ever doing stand-up? Fourth. Fourth?

First time in two years. First time in two years. Hell yeah. That's exciting, Michael. First time ever doing stand-up? Fourth. Fourth? First time in two years. First time in two years. Hell yeah, that's exciting, man. Why have you only done it four times? Just something you like to... The last time I did it was in Suffolk County, Long Island, and I did it to the back of people watching the Ranger game. And I was kind of discouraged by that,

and I just figured I'd write jokes on my iPhone and then delete them. This is fucking... I'm having flashbacks to Soprano episodes. I don't know whether to make fun of you or just put myself in the trunk of your car. Salvador. Yes. Why do you have a clown tattoo on your calf? It's scary.

He has a clown tattoo on his calf. I'm a nervous guy. Yes, Mark. I just want to say, first off, Sal Vulcano looks terrible. Yeah, they put you in a really bad prank on this one. Rub sweat all over yourself and go up and bomb on a Kill Tony show. No, no, no, no, no. On this first one, we want you to just put the microphone right up against your mouth

and just start saying words. It starts 10 seconds. That's not practical. This is terrible. I love it. No, you're doing fine. I hate it. No, you're doing just okay.

Relax. Are you sure? Yeah. Can you tell I'm nervous? Relax. Yes, you're shaking. You're pacing around. You kept doing this thing where you would go back and forth over the mic stand, which I love.

You just kept trying to, for a guy bombing, you were trying to be like Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy so badly. Just like, hey, just walking the stage, just eating it. You're also holding the microphone like a baseball. Like, you know that you're talking into that, right? Yeah, you're sweating like we know you beat your wife. I'm somewhere between chubby and obese, so I sweat just naturally. I can't really help that.

Really? You're chubby, slightly obese? We had no idea. Michael, you really found out that your wife cheated on you? Yeah, I did about a year ago. My goodness. People feel bad until I tell them that she was a flight attendant, and then they don't feel bad anymore. Oh, she was a flight attendant.

Hell yeah. How long did you have her smuggling cocaine into the country for you? Alright. What airline was she a flight attendant for? No longer Virgin Airlines. Oh yeah. I love it. Have you hooked up with a chick since being cheated on?

No, I've actually been celibate for the last 13 months. 13 months? Excuse me, old lefty. Wow. I don't know if you're with a stranger. You're a fucking switch hitter? Who jerks off with their left hand? Yeah, I'm ambidextrous.

Really? Not ambisextrous. Wow, don't ever do that again. Can't do anything for anybody? Does that fix my sweatiness and my bombing? I'm glad that you got to see in front of a huge audience exactly how funny that joke is. That I feel like you tell all your buddies

in the fucking... They're right there. They filmed this whole thing. You guys all work on the same dump truck? What do you do for work? What's that? What do you do for work? Software support. Really?

Yeah. My goodness. For the last 13 years. 13 years? Wow.? Software support. Really? Yeah. My goodness. For the last 13 years. 13 years. Wow. I'm 36. Very deceiving. All right.

Wow. A lot of numbers. I look like a sweaty 25-year-old, but I'm a sweaty 36-year-old. Are you talking about a 25-year-old corpse? What are you talking about? I look like a sweaty 25-year-old. I don't look so good. I know.

I want to dab you like a greasy piece of pizza. Yeah. I mean, it really is. You literally have a skull shaped like a gigantic Philly cheesesteak. It's just dripping. You go to a lot of Yankees games? I'm a Met fan. What?

Met fan. Met fan. Wow. Look at that. You look like a guy that hasn't eaten a big apple in your life. That thing comes up out of left field. You must be like like what is that thing they still have that when they hit home runs at

Mets Stadium okay cool I don't fucking know I don't give a fuck about the Mets the Mets you gotta be fucking kidding me I bet the Mets are a big fan of you too your comedy is like their baseball it's a sure thing. They're going to blow it.

The goddamn Cleveland Indian over here, people. And a Dodger fan at times. We were even a White Sox fan for one night last week. So, Michael, anything else interesting about you that you think we should know about? Unfortunately, no. Really? Not that you ever save anybody's life or almost die? I wouldn't want to anyway if there was somebody to save.

Oh, my goodness. I need subtitles for this fool, man. I know. It's crazy. Wow. What's your favorite thing? You're a New Yorker? Yes, I am.

What's your favorite thing about being a New Yorker? Get some type of redeeming quality out there for these people. Salvador? I'm about to leave in six months. Oh, yeah? Get the fuck out of here. Wow, that's incredible. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Wow, that's incredible. Come on.

Oh, they want you out of here, it seems. They want you to go. You only have six months to live? If I was only that fortunate, I'm moving out of the state. Where are you going to go? You going to go to bison country? Down south, yeah.

Really? Where? South Carolina. South Carolina. Why South Carolina? for a guy that sweats profusely all the time you wouldn't want to live in South Carolina you're going to literally fucking melt slower I don't know I'm just old

and I don't want to be around this I thought you were 25 you're old you said you were what 38 36 you're 36 you're 36 you're 36 you're 36 36 he's talking about his waist It really is a 36 waist Wow Mark Norman's hitting with a stretchy waist

Stretchy waist. I used to work at menswear. 38 stuffed into a 36. My goodness. 36 years old. My God. When you found out your wife cheated on you, that deeply affected you. A girlfriend, but yeah. What?

I mean, it was annoying, sure. Wait, what'd you say? It was a girlfriend, but it was annoying. Oh, it was a girlfriend. It didn't deeply affect me, no. Right, right, right. You pick up the pieces, you move on. But why celibate since then?

Not by his choice. Yeah, I know. But by the way, it must be hard to be a celibate rapist. You know what I mean? The way I see the sweat dripping off. You think I have enough charm to be a rapist, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Did you know you could just walk up to girls and go, it's time. We're going to get them up and out of here. Fourth time ever on stage. First time on Kill Tony for Michael Joseph, everybody. Hell yeah. This is fun. That guy literally just lost four pounds on this stage.

Just dripping. He came up completely dry and left soaking wet. It's like a before and after after an hour of hot yoga. He was up here for six fucking minutes. It's incredible. You're welcome, buddy. It wasn't really the biggest compliment I've ever given, but you're welcome. I bet you will.

Hell yeah. I'm going to have to cheat on you now. I'm going to move on to the next comedian. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Sean McGuire, everybody. Look at Salvador moving those hips up here for you tonight. I think we know this guy. Oh, yeah?

Is it the right song? No. One more time for Sean McGuire, everybody. What's up, y'all? Good to be here in New York. All right. So I'm thinking, now that we're finally there in technology, a couple sex robots are gonna do.

But not for right now. Definitely when I'm an older man, you know. Right now I gotta focus on what I got, go the organic route, you know, stick to my own kind. But that way I'm gonna reserve some fun, you know, for the older times. I definitely want one girl. The darkest possible option. I feel like I got some unfinished business.

And one Asian girl. And then I definitely want a dude who just sits on the couch and just watches. That way, you know, I just look at him every once in a while and feel a little good about myself, you know. Also, as an old fellow, I'll need to be taking some medications. I'll just keep those in the ass crack of one of them. Yeah. All right. Sean McGuire.

Wow. My goodness. Another guy who seems American, but I don't know what the fuck you really said up here. A lot of it. I don't know if you did either. That set was like CBD. Nothing happened.

Yes, correct. That was incredible. Sean, I think you've been on this show before, right? You look familiar to us. Either that or you are a few times? He's been on a few times. All here in New York? Third time.

No, one in Philly, another in New York. One in Philly, another here. And what did we find out about you there? That you are the top half of a centaur? Yes. Is it? yes is it did I ever tell you Sean

that you look like the scary guy from the movie Ghost remember that the long face alright that is the smallest man bun I've ever seen it's more like a man biscuit it's not even a bun.

What is that, a fucking man cupcake? What is that? What are you trying to do back there, huh? Okay, next question. So, Sean, what are some interesting things that we found out about you that we talked about the times that you've been on before? Remind us about you, Sean. Yes.

So I fry donuts and I fry chicken. That's my job. Oh, that's right. about the times that you've been on before remind us about you Sean yes so I fry donuts and I fry chicken that's my job oh that's right you are also a barista but I got fired from that job since last time oh yeah why'd you get fired so I had scheduled off to go up to kill Tony and Nyack and that did not really make it into the books there at work. Oh, so yeah. I noticed that the week the schedule was published. So I said, these fucking idiots forgot. I'm just going to call out.

I go to New York and my friend Nikki is receiving me, but my boss's name is Nick. So my boss texts me and I think it's my friend and I'm like yeah man I'm up I'm on the way and then my friend actually texts me an hour later and I'm confused and out of job

I would have fired you just for how long that story was that was mind boggling that was just unbelievable. You are set for a life of frying donuts and chicken. Very, very fun. Have you been doing stand-up in between the times that we've

seen you? Yep. That's fun. So how long have you been doing it now? In total, about ten months. Did you start on Kill Tony or you started before? I started six months before. Very, very, very cool. Okay, so you did Nyack Philly in here. Philly Nyack here.

Very cool. Yeah, Jolina. How long have you been pretending to teach Bikram yoga? I am an actual certified yoga teacher. I was just going to ask that. I was going to follow up. I did yoga on one episode, if you remember. Heck yeah.

Is there maybe a special yoga pose that you can do that's really impressive that you could do? I think these people would be interested to... I've got one in mind. Perhaps, see? He already showed us the downward bomb. Heck yeah, here he goes. For those of you just listening,

he's emptying his pockets. Brian is playing a violin on GarageBand right now. That's what yoga music sounds like. Wow. Look at this. My goodness. That was incredible.

He did a headstand. I'm pretty sure Salvador can do a headstand. Right, Salvador? Salvador? I think you've got to keep the hat on for all this, too, by the way, if you're wondering. How many of you want to see Salvador do a headstand here tonight? How many of you fucking love Jeremiah Watkins?

How many of you have already listened to or are going to order the new Reagan and Watkins album off of reaganandwatkins.com? Well, then I present to you from Salvador, a headstand everybody. Jolina, get your ass over here because he's going to fall. Here he goes. He's about to lift himself up. Wow.

Jolina is sucking his dick. Jolina Is sucking his dick Jolina Is there anything else you want to do to him When he's in that precarious position Now that's how you get across the border Wow I did not sign up for that

It was time How about a hand for the band guys Sign up for that. It was time. How about a hand for the band, guys? Sean McGuire, you've been on the show a few times lately. And do we have anything else for Sean before I let him go, guys? Anything else? He looks like a shitty Jesus. Yeah, he does. He looks like the kind of Jesus we wouldn't want to come back after three days.

He looks like the kind of Jesus that's like, do you believe in me? And then he takes a pause and he goes, me neither. There he goes. We're going to keep him moving along. One more time for Sean McGuire, everybody. Hell, yeah. It's all happening. Can I get a beer?

Oh, yeah, definitely. Can we get a Bud Light or any type of light beer for Mark Norman up here? Thank you. How about a hand for the amazing staff here at the Gramercy Theater? Doing it, getting it done. We got a long night ahead of us. We got a whole other show after this, and we're already in the heat of things right now. You guys are having fun here, right?

It's fucking a humid, rainy fucking thundery day in beautiful New York City and we're so happy to be here with you. We're used to, you know, very dry sunshine, palm trees, cleanliness, you know, not

fucking garbage on the streets and that's just the people, but really, like, I mean, your humidity here, it's just the people but but really like I mean your humidity here it's just amazing but we love you and we're excited to be here it's one of the greatest cities in the world and we fucking love it

it's our time of the year to be here in New York City so we're very excited hell yeah how about a hand one more time for the staff here at the Gramercy awesome place alright pulled another name out of the bucket put your hands together How about a hand one more time for the staff here at the Grammar Suite? Awesome place. All right, pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for your next comedian. He goes by the name of Nick Radogna.

Nick Radogna. Here we go. Hey. Hey. Ha-ha. Hey. Hey. One more time for Nick, everybody. Hey, how you doing? All right. What's up?

You might be wondering why I'm dressed like an Australian snowboarder. I actually wear this hat every day of my life. I have terrible anxiety, which is interesting for me to be up here with that. It makes me feel safe because my parents did not. I moved to New York as quick as I could. I came here about seven years ago.

I've dated a lot of weird people since I've been here. I went out with a girl who is obsessed with Disney movies. She also happened to be a gutter punk. And one night we were in an alley behind an Italian restaurant, and she insisted we eat spaghetti

like they did in Lady and the Tramp. Uh, out of a dog's mouth. Thank you. Nick Redogna, everybody. Hell yeah. Fun times, Nick. Hell yeah. Fun times, Nick. How are you?

Good. How you doing? How long you been doing stand-up for? I've only done it a handful of times since I've lived here. A handful. Hell yeah. How long have you been delivering coffee by bicycle? You hipster fuck, eh? Why only a handful of times Nick? The anxiety It's terrifying

Wow And do you take medicine for it? I do yeah Do you do things that cause anxiety too? Do you smoke? Not tobacco Weed which sometimes Will make me Yeah no shit nothing gets my anxiety going more than

than weed I've never no matter how high my tolerance ever got there was never a time where just for a second I thought I was gonna fucking die every single time a little fun fact for you Salvador yeah how long have you been the second stage on the evolutionary chart of Marc Maron? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Does anybody have a stool that I can sit on? Picture it, listeners. That's exactly what he looks like. My goodness.

Hey! Wow, he makes a face. You see that, Salvador? You know how to make a Marc Maron face. That's incredible. I didn't even know there was one of those. Dude, what, Salvador? You know how to make a Marc Maron face. That's incredible. I didn't even know there was one of those. Dude, what the fuck? All right, now be bitter.

My goodness. Wow. So, Nick, how about coffee? You drink a lot of coffee? No, not really. No. What do you do to counteract your anxiety? Do you have full-blown panic attacks ever?

Panic attacks are rare. Mostly I just need to think my way out of, I need to logically think my way out of any weird. Like what? Is there something, a big opportunity or something like that that you've ever where it's really hit you hard and you're like, fuck, I'm just about to, I could do this amazing thing.

No, like I'm aware that it's like a chemical thing. Like I can wake up after having a really good night, and immediately the moment I open my eyes, I feel terrible, and I just realize that it's just in my head. Yeah. I don't know. You're bumming me out.

Yeah, exactly. It's incredible. This is the first ever case. This is like outbreak of airborne depression just rolling through the air. If you can... I know, I'm worried I'm going to get less funny. If you can just think

your way out of it, it's not like a problem. Yeah. I go to the hospital, eh? Yeah, Joel Berg here has such an incredible anxiety that he literally goes to the hospital even though he knows they're just going to tell him it's anxiety. No, but they give

you drugs there. By the way, I'll talk to you later. I have a prescription. I have a new friend. Xanax? Wow. What did they prescribe to you? I'm on Xanax and Prozac. Then the Xanax doesn't work?

The Xanax works, itac. Then the Xanax doesn't work? The Xanax works. It's just I try not to use it because I don't want to get addicted to it, and then it loses potency. You're even anxious about the anxiety medicine that they gave you. You're like, I don't know if I could take this. Doesn't make me feel quite right. This might do something bad to me. So interesting.

So when do you take the Xanax? Do you take it today? No, not today. I've been drinking today. Look at the way you laugh. You're so funny. You're like a prettier version of Janine Garofalo. This is really exciting. Wow.

Yeah, it looks like when you take your hat off, your hair and glasses come with it. My goodness. It's all a costume piece. Did I ask you what you do for work, Nick? I'm a bartender at a burlesque club. Wow, look at that. You ever get a little nervous around the ladies

when they want a drink or something? Like, hey, Nick, can I have a club soda? And you're just like... Yeah, I just like, ugh. Yeah, I just pass out frequently. Is that true? No. No. I have two co-workers here with me tonight. My little brother was on the Wes Nyack Kill Tony.

Oh, really? What did he do on that? He was the drummer. Oh, wow. Interesting. Fuck yeah. How did he do? I don't remember. He did really well, but Joel won, obviously. Wow. That's interesting. That's true. Has he been practicing? Yeah, he might be interested in a rematch if he gets pulled out of the bucket.

Really? You think so? A rematch if he gets pulled out of a bucket. I mean, that sounds like fun and all, but I mean, that's just, I mean, let's face it. We don't have that much longer of this show to go. I don't know what you guys think, but I think perhaps he should try to get redemption here tonight for his brother. Fuck yeah. You guys think so? Fuck yeah.

All right, why don't you bring your brother up here. Introduce him. There we go. The crowd goes wild. I'm pretty sure you bring your brother up here? Introduce him. There we go. The crowd goes wild. I'm pretty sure you guys want it, huh? Is that what you guys want? The Mexican drum off is a crazy thing, Mark. You're going to see it.

I'm excited. Oh, Jesus. This guy is going straight for it. Look at this fucking. Get over here. Before you get back there, come up here. Remind these people, because a lot of them weren't there. What happened in West Nyack?

What did we find out about you? What's your name? Samuel. Samuel? Rad. Samuel Rad. I have the last name, but I... I love it.

Samuel Rad. And what happened when you were in West Nyack? I told a really long, misdirect, unfunny joke with no punchline. I do remember now. I do remember. Runs in the family. Sorry. But tell us about your

experience playing the drums. How long has that been something that you've been doing for? I've been playing for about 10 years. 10 years of drumming. And how did you feel? We've never had someone up here that has ever gone up against in the history of Mexican drum offs. We've never had a return opponent before in this show's history. So can you tell us, is there any type of,

is there anything that you've been doing to just in case you got called up here? Was there something that you've been preparing in case or thought after in retrospect that you're going to do? Is this something that you've pictured in your mind before getting a chance to go against Strollberg again? Yeah, I trimmed my body hair a little bit. Oh, wow.

Okay. All right. I was looking for more of a yes or a no on that than the complete giveaway. Well, with no further ado, I mean, who gives a shit about your 60 seconds? We've seen a lot of amazing sets tonight, but I think you should defend your brother, who's probably extremely anxious about all this right now.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Mexican drum off! -♪ Ha-ha-ha! A true Mexican drum off when Salvador is here. This is very exciting. For those of you that don't know how this works, there is... Hell yeah. Alright. How about anywhere but there, Salvador?

For those of you that don't know, Sam has the... Okay, there you go. Yes, against the grain. It's incredible. Very good. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Okay. Listen to fucking daddy. There you go. Jesus Christ. My God, I don't want to have to talk to you like this. Anyway, for those of you that don't know, Sam now has the chance to

become the new drummer on Kill Tony. That would mean that he's on shows, the second show, Tonight at 10 with a super secret special guest. That would mean Saturday at Skank Fest, Sunday at Skank Fest, and it means that Sam would be flying back to Los Angeles with us on Monday. It means that he'd be at the Fillmore in Philadelphia on July 25th. It means that he would move into Joel Berg's old apartment and start fucking his girlfriend. Everything that Joel had is on the line. If he loses, everything

stays the same. Nobody has ever beaten Joel Berg before, but New York, you're a crazy fucking city. This is the city where if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. You guys excited about this? Now, let me remind you, it's about

drums. It's about performance. It's about comedy. Anything goes. It's about performance. It's about comedy. Anything goes. It's one big drum solo, and you guys decide in the end. Final question, are you ready? Then let it begin. It's a Mexican drum-off, and drumming first tonight goes by the name of Samuel Rad. The first ever rematch.

Bringing in the audience. Thank you.... Wow. Crowd goes wild. That was fucking great. Very good performance. He took off the shirt about 85% of the way through. For those of you just listening to the podcast, definitely a better, more evolved performance than Wes Nyack.

He got the crowd involved early on in it. He moved back later. Okay, guys. I mean, really? Really? I mean, I fucking love it. But do you hear that level of laughter that they're giving you for it? Is it worth it? Fuck yeah. Very good. Yes, you could even go like

that. It's not going to help that much there you go very good so now and in the middle of a segment on top of all that beautiful fucking timing cracks them up very good hell yeah love it very good his opponent has never ever been beaten in this joelberg is undefeated all time in Mexican drum-offs. Now, while that is a more evolved performance than Samuel's performance in West Nyack, I think he might pull out some stops here in beautiful New York City.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the reigning defending drummer of Kill Tony. It's Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Here we go. Whoa, Jolina just took off her wig. How dare you, you fuck these fucking idiots come into my fucking temple.

Don't move my shit. Wow. He's got pizza in a water bottle. Jolina took off her... Jolina is pissed off right now. I've never seen her. When she gets mad, she takes off her wig. Look at her tits.

Exposing that she has full-blown Mexican cancer. Wow, she's wearing barely any underwear. She took another bite of the pizza. She also trimmed her body hair. Yes. And she has a massive purple cock. She just sucked it. Breaking news, she just sucked the cock

for a second. Wow. Are you ready? Okay. You ready? I was fucking born ready, Tony. Here he is. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez in New York City.. He just sucked his own dick for a second. He's beating the drum with the purple dick. He's beating everything.

He's absolutely murdering. Wow. You should bring around the Rosie game. This is the most incredible drum hop I've ever seen in my life. Wow. This is the most incredible drum hop I've ever seen in my life. Wow! Wow! How about that, New York motherfucking city? Woo-wee!

That's a standing ovation for Trollberg. His first time doing comedy in New York City, he's getting a standing ovation for Joel Berg. His first time doing comedy in New York City. He's getting a standing ovation. Loser. Loser. Loser. Wow. How about one more time for Joel Berg, guys?

I swear to God, I almost just fucking passed out during that. Too much blood went to my head. I'm overheating a little bit. You're dismissed. There he goes. Samuel Rad, everybody. He could have had it all. Wow.

He jerked him off. Yeah. He jerked. Wow. That is just incredible I mean, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez Going absolutely all out All the way

Mind-blowing performance Man, that's a heavy dick You mess with a dick, you get fucked Joel Berg takes this very, very seriously And the funny thing, a little fun fact Is that he gets specifically mad when people aren't really there to do the stand-up part. When they try to challenge him for his job without really writing it. I'm ready to die for this shit.

I brought this shit through TSA. You know what that looks like on the x-ray machine? Pretty good. That's hilarious. He brought it. He really did. I was standing next to him. We couldn't get our cameras out in time before we realized what was happening,

but that did go through an x-ray machine in LAX. Salvador. Oh. Oh. I don't know how. I don't know how. I don't know how. He's doing that. Salvador's having some technical issues over there.

I don't know how he got that through TSA. I got randomly selected. Oh, Salvador. And just for future challengers, just so you know, I keep that thing on me. In him. That's just, that thing on me. In him. That's his actual dick, guys. It's just an L.A. Mexican thing, you know what I mean? They have purple nips and purple dicks.

He's beating, for those of you listening, he's literally playing on his erect purple penis right now. He was just hitting it, just playing around a little bit. What do you guys think? Should we go to this bucket one more time, huh? I mean, it's almost impossible to follow a standing ovation Mexican drum off, but if you guys promise you'll enjoy yourselves no matter what, I guess we'll do it, right? Let's do a female.

Should we do a female? Oh, a female. Yeah. Oh, we haven't had a lady up tonight, have we? Yeah, let's do a female. We just had a couple that sort of looked like females. You guys think we should get a lady up here, huh? All right. Sorry

to Matt. Sorry to G Money. Dollar sign. Sorry to another fucking regular old New York Michael. Regular old Matt. Calvin, I apologize. So close yet.

Oh, here we go. Ah. Ladies and gentlemen, I found a lady. You guys ready to bring this thing to a big fucking close or what? Put your hands together for your final comedian of the night, Colleen Martocchi, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go. There she is. Oh, yeah. She's coming.

Hey. I want you to step back from that ledge. Step back from that ledge, my friend. I want you to step back from that ledge. Step back from that ledge, my friend. Hey, hey hey hey one more time for Colleen Martocchi okay hello okay so I'm a mom of two this is like my big night out right yeah

being a mom is fun but it's also really exhausting, obviously, right? And you know what's really horrible after childbirth? Sex. Sex is horrible after childbirth. It's a lot of my husband like, okay, is it ready yet? Are we ready? Is it time? And me going, maybe another week or so. And then when it does happen, it's like, it's just a lot of like, it's the same, right?

We're good. It's the same. Everything's the same down there. And he's just going, just stop talking to me. He looks great, though, by the way. He just lost, like, 40 pounds. He looks fantastic. He's in, like, the best shape of his life.

I know. Thank you. And I am lucky if I get to leave the house in the morning with less than two bodily fluids anywhere on me. Yeah, it's gross. But it's the reality of the thing. So I've been feeling kind of like down in the dumps lately. Go ahead, finish. That I feel like, but I've been kind of, you know, getting back into it. So nothing really takes the wind out of your sails,

like getting the Amazon shipment notification that your husband has ordered you Kegel Strengthening Exercise Balls. Oh. That son of a bitch. Wow. Heck yeah. Wow.

Colleen, welcome to the show. Thank you. Hell yeah. Have you done stand-up before? No. Wow. Colleen, welcome to the show. Thank you. Have you done stand-up before? No. Congratulations. Welcome, welcome. Heck yeah. Very good.

Sounds like you need that big purple dick down there. It'll fit. It'll fit. No problem. I have two gigantic babies. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

My son was almost 12 pounds. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Who would have guessed that a lady that looks like Nicole Bass would be able to make such a big baby? I'm impressed you got a jean jacket over that couch. The pattern.

The pattern. Oh, jeez. 12-pound baby. My God. Yeah. Mom's a big lady, so, you know. Ah, jeez. 12-pound baby. My God. Mom's a big lady, so, you know. Yeah, yeah. Is the dad big, too? Yeah, he's a big guy, too.

He's a big guy. Wait, are you the dad? I'm confused. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Black guy? Black guy? No.

White guy? White guy, yeah. Really? Can you show us on that? Well, no. How tall Can you show us on that? Well, no. How tall is he? He's a little taller than me.

A little taller than you. Yeah, can you show us on Jolina's purple penis? That's about right. Yeah, that's about right. Really? The whole thing? No. Oh, all right. I guess, what's the answer?

Google? I'm not getting an answer out of you. I'm just guessing. It must be Google. Okay. Have you ever thought about cheating on your husband? You're not having sex. Have you ever thought about cheating?

We're just not having sex because we have kids. Right. So it's like, you know, it's slowed down. Are you into middle-aged guys who do sound effects and are gross? Yeah. Do you like Wendy's? I love it, yes. The Wendy's City?

Would you date a guy shorter? Yeah, I don't love to. Just when you thought you couldn't have another giant baby in your household, you can have a bread band there just farting around, you know, yeah. Just when you thought you couldn't have another giant baby in your household, you can have a red band there just farting around, pooping, laughing about it, farting again, pooping. That's pretty much what her vagina does now, right? After a 12-pound baby.

Oh, red band. So your baby's still big? You have one of those, like, you have one of those, like. Rojo band. How old are your babies now? He, my son is four my daughter's sick uh two two four and two and they're still big kids like you have one of those like babies that like is already like smoking cigarettes and shit just like looking around yeah my son looks like he's like eight he's gonna be like six six oh my god so what are you gonna what are you gonna hope he gets into? You want him to be a professional wrestler?

A figure skater? What are we talking about? Basketball? That's the joke in our house that he'll probably be like a dancer. Yeah. He's like a baby. He's like a cry baby. You're saying your baby's a little bit gay? He's a little bit of a gay baby. A little bit of a gay baby?

Puts popsicles in his butt and whatnot? Whatever he wants, you know. She's saying, that's the last vagina he's going to touch. Yeah, that's it. He's like, ew, this thing's huge and disgusting. Wah, wah. He uses his second binky as a butt plug. It just like sucks on it like that.

Wow, that's incredible. What makes you think you have a gay baby? I don't. No, you said earlier that you think your baby's gay. He's only four, but you guys have feelings that he's gay. He's going to be a dancer. He's gay. He's sensitive.

I think he's going to be artistic. Yeah. Ooh, what a fancy word for a faggot. going to be artistic. Yeah. Ooh, what a fancy word for a faggot. Oh, yeah, those guys use the F word a lot in their personal lives. I was making a joke about a word that you can rarely say anymore,

but you two took it a little too seriously. These two guys right here that look like they voted for Trump six times somehow, just like, hey, I'll vote in Wisconsin if you vote in Tennessee. Do you get insulted or do you like the term MILF? Oh, I like it. No, I like it. Yeah, I'm going to embrace it. I got these kids are not going anywhere. So if I'm going to be a MILF, I'll take it.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Be a MILF. You are a MILF. You are. You are a mammoth. I would like to fuck. She still wants to fuck you though.

That's right. Mark had a good point. I love it. Colleen, what do you do for work? I work with kids who are in foster care. Oh, cool. And I try to get them adopted. Wow, that's awesome. So you're working with a lot of other future comedians. That's really cool. Oh yeah, yeah.

That's so fun. That must be really cool. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's so fun. That must be a rewarding job. It is, yeah. Hard sometimes, too. Is there ever, like, some kids, like, at, like, a dog shelter that, like, nobody wants? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that one's... That's the population I work with, kids who are, like, hard to place.

Right. A.K.A. Dominican. Is there, is business a booming right now? Are there a lot of kids that people don't want? Yeah. In the last couple of years, the state has pushed to not bring kids into foster care. So there's been a lot of preventative measures. What?

What does that mean? Dumpster? Yeah. What's the other option? Well, they do preventative services with families who in previous years they would have just taken the kids away. They try to keep them in the home as long

as they can because for many years kids were entering the system. So since you work at an adoption place, does that mean that you're sort of anti-abortion? Because now your vagina looks like an abortion? Yeah, I know. She's the one that said

she had a big ugly pussy, you crazy fucks. You're turning on me now at the finish line? Really? Ooh, she said it. That was rude. Tony, don't mess this up. Don't throw me under the ugly pussy bus, you fools.

Don't mess this up for me, Tony. I'm supposed to smuggle inside her to Mexico next week. Smuggle? You have to take the hat off first. I love it. All right. Okay, there you go. There's your one.

It's just the hat sticking out of your head. Excuse me, miss. Before we let you to the border, we have to ask you, why is your vagina playing saxophone right now? We keep hearing a careless whisper out of your pussy right now. That vagina could use some walls. Yeah. Mark motherfucking Norman.

I love it. Colleen, you had your first time doing stand-up here. Yeah. Mark motherfucking Norman. I love it. Colleen, you had your first time doing stand-up here. Clearly, you know this show. You rolled with these punches immediately, I mean, and relentlessly, and it was just fucking fantastic. You laughed at everything. You're such a great sport.

Thank you. And congrats on bringing this show. It's not easy to follow a Mexican drum-off. And she brought it all to a great close for us. One more time for Colleen Martocci, everybody. Yeah. How about one more time for the great Mark Norman, everyone? He's got motherfucking Tuesdays with stories, right? Yes.

And that's all. And all of his tour dates are at MarkNormanComedy.com. And he's going all over. He's one of my favorite comedians out there. A guy I don't get to hang out with enough. I'm always in L.A. He's always in New York. Make sure you check him out. How about one more time for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins, everybody.

Make some noise. The new Reagan and Watkins album is at reaganandwatkins.com. He's on YouTube at Jeremiah Watkins. He's on social media at Jeremiah Stand Up. Jeremiah also has dates coming up with Patty Reagan on the road.

Why don't you tell them very quickly about that? Yes, June 28th in San Diego, we'll be headlining and bringing Joel Berg, and then mid-July we'll be in Phoenix Stand-Up Live as well as Huntington Beach, and we're bringing Joel Berg for the first one and William Montgomery and Joel Berg for the second one. I love it.

How about one more time? He went all out for you tonight. His first time doing comedy in New York City. How about Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, huh? On social media, mostly sorry. Anything else you want to tell these people, Joel? I love you guys. I'll see you at Skankfest. And we love you, too. We got to turn it around really quickly for a 10 p.m. show.

So we just want to thank you, and we love you guys for coming out. And I believe there still might be some tickets available love you guys for coming out and I believe there still might be some tickets available if you guys are up for one more crazy dance tonight feel free to grab them and come back on in here thank you guys we love you Red Band see you guys good night

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