KILL TONY - KILL TONY #373

Episode Date: June 29, 2019

Sal Vulcano, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 06/24/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, this is Red Band, and you are listening to Kill Tony. Go to our website, DeathSquad.TV, for every episode we've ever done of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. If you click on Tour Dates, you can come see us live. In July, we're going to be in Plano, Texas. Then we're going to be in Fort Worth, Texas, followed by a huge show in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. followed by a huge show in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. Also in August, I will be in San Diego with George Perez and Aiko Tanaka at the American Comedy Company, August 17th.

That's a Saturday. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything Golden Pony. Ryan J. Ebelt. He's the house artist. He draws all the posters. He did the Kill Tony book.

Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There's the official merchandise of Kill Tony and Death Squad, including hats, shirts, and mugs. Go to ShopSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Reverend coming to you live from the real famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up and Tony Hatchcock.

Hell yeah! famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of kill tony get up and turn the hands hell yeah brian red band it's us you're a kill tony ladies and gentlemen live from the comedy store you got to make some fucking noise people we're alive we're used to being on the road where people are excited to see us they don't take for granted. So we need a little more love than usual. We're back. We just finished the fucking summer tour, ladies and gentlemen. We did it. We flew in from New York City this morning after a bunch of wildly successful shows. Two sold-out shows at the Gramercy Theater with Mark Norman as a secret guest and Gilbert Godfried as a secret guest. What? What?

What? You get to listen to an episode of Kill Tony with the legend killer, Gilbert Godfried himself? Yeah. One of our top ranked? Yes. Great impression, Brian. Yeah.

So things are exciting. We had a Legion of Skanks episode at Skank Fest with the Legion of Skanks, and we did another episode with Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Voss, and Ari Shafir. I'm so pumped to be home though. We're very excited to be back and we have a very special show for you here tonight. You guys excited about this? It's the number one live podcast in the world.

And it goes on and on. We can't understand how we last so long and it continues. July 10th we just added a date for the first time ever in Plano, Texas. July 10th. That's really exciting. Right before we do Fort Worth. July 10th, we just added a date for the first time ever in Plano, Texas. July 10th, that's really exciting. Right before we do Fort Worth on July 11th, which was already planned, and that's already sold out.

Three stand-up shows in Fort Worth following that, so we get to do some stand-up comedy again like the good old days. Yeah, the good old days. I remember doing that. So much fun. July 25th, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the Fillmore Theater, our largest ever Kill Tony in our history. And some fun facts, I do stand-up in Florida this August and September.

I'm in Miami August 8th to the 10th at the Miami Improv and then West Palm Beach Improv September 5th through the 7th. And then I also have Tempe coming up, Tempe, Arizona. I'm making my return, just stand-up comedy. But Kill Tony's in October in Sacramento and San Francisco. And when I tell you we have a big Kill Tony touring announcement, another global announcement, I mean it. Stay tuned

to an upcoming episode for that. Yes. Bicycle horn for that one. For an exciting announcement. And, you know, we've been doing the road, and it is exhausting, and it really lets you know where you are in life. And, you know, you do all this stuff,

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That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash kill. Forhims.com slash kill. so you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what we are live it is happening from the comedy store where it all started up in the belly room with six people in the room we've now traveled the entire globe and we fill up the main room every fucking Monday. Are you guys excited about this? Every single episode, we have one of the funniest comedians in the world on as our guest. This week, of course, is no different.

One of our favorite human beings. You know him from so many great comedy appearances on so many things Comedy Central. And of course, one of our favorite shows in the world, The Impractical Jokers. Ladies and gentlemen, Sal Volcano, everyone! He's back!

Yeah! We love Sal! We love Sal! We love Sal! There you go. You guys caught on really quick. They got it. One guy definitely loves me up front. Yeah, for sure. I see you.

Heck yeah. I love it. What's up, everybody? Yeah. Pumped to have you back. Very excited. Oh, yeah. Ryan J. E. Belt is also here, ladies and gentlemen, drawing every episode. He made great prints for the New York run and all the other lakes of the tour.

Oh, the Texas poster. He just showed us the Texas poster. That's fucking awesome. So cool. Wild West homage-style poster that we're going to be lugging out to Plano and Fort Worth with us. And I'm so glad that you're back with us, Sal. We've had so much fun together on this show, on the Impractical Jokers cruise, so many fun things that we've done. How's life?

Life is good. Life is good. Getting busy, working. That's right. And I'm just all about this right now. Yep. You're one of our favorite people to watch brand new or sometimes returning comedians. Sometimes it's a comedy vet trying to get some exposure.

You never know who's going to get pulled out of this bucket. But you know sal this show also has a band everybody you guys like bands at all the band it is the band it's the best damn band in the land and every single episode they commit to being different characters i never know what they're going to be they have a separate green room on the other side of our green room. And they've been getting into character. Jeremiah Watkins is still in New York City. He will not be with us tonight. Piece of shit. Yeah, exactly.

What a goddamn traitor. He got hit by a beer bottle last night. It was a half-filled water bottle, Brian. But way to really twist some trauma. I tried to up the story a little for Jeremiah. Yeah, no. he took a half a bottle of water to the face, but he nurtured it like it was a glass bottle, that's for sure. The ice pack.

That's a lot of property right there. He looked like he got bit by a mosquito. I was there the night someone on Mushrooms, the comic on Mushrooms, tried to attack him. Yeah. I was there for that. That's right. I don't know about that. Epic night. We have the rest of the band for you.

They're the best damn band in the land. Maybe it's the return of one of their famous characters. Maybe it's a brand-new character. We don't know what's going to happen, but tonight's an exciting night because Chroma Chris is going to have to step it up. Make some noise for the Keltoni band. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris.

Here we go. Oh. Wow. Wow. This is very exciting. This appears to be some type of beach bums of some kind. They appear to be beach goers or something like that. This is very exciting.

My God. Wow. This is incredible. Wow. So we have Chroma Chris, who clearly tonight is a beachgoer of some kind. Right on, Tony. My name's Dax. Hey, Dax. Fuck yeah.

And then back here we have what appears to be Mexican Nicki Minaj. Hello. My name's Janessa. Janessa. Wow. These are brand new characters, guys. This is exciting. I'm from Venice Beach.

You're from Venice Beach, huh? You heard that right. Wow. Look at those fucking little ta-tas you got in there. Wow. All right. Heck yeah. I'm a slut.

Are you a slut? I love it. Janessa the slut. Wow. All right. Heck yeah. I'm a slut. Are you a slut? I love it. Janessa the slut. We got Dax with us. You got to nair a little underneath your belly button.

I love it. Fun fact, Sal, one of the things that you missed at Skank Fest, which you were very, very missed, was the naked roast. And at the last minute they had one of the judges pull out and for those of you that don't know naked roast is uh is when people roast battle each other completely butt naked uh it's a very top secret exclusive show to where absolutely no phones or cameras are allowed out so it's pretty much kept secret but it packs out it's insanity and all the judges are naked too too, and they had a last-minute fallout for a judge. And they asked Joel, who at the time was sort of, you know, only famous to the Kill Tony fans at the festival, guest judge.

And he came out. And now I call Joel Mr. Potato Head because it turns out Joel has a fucking sausage festival in his pants. Three potatoes high. It is incredible. He became instantly famous at the festival. He has a gigantic cock, ladies and gentlemen. So we found this out. He literally became one of the stars of the festival from the very beginning.

It is, I literally, and I talked about this on the bonfire the next day with Dan Soder and Big J. I literally, Sal, I almost passed out from laughing so hard. Everybody was looking, he came out and the entire audience started looking at me because they wanted to see my reaction to his giant dick. It was one of the funniest things ever. The fact that he's kept that secret from us and tucked into those fucking underwear somehow. It's so painful. He's the guy whose dick

I feel like I've almost seen the most. And now that I've seen it, I don't know how I haven't seen it. I caught Tony the next morning just drawing on a napkin his dick many times. It was fucking weird. There you go. Yes, I was drawing his napkin many, many times on a napkin.

His dick on a napkin. It's true. His giant dick, actual size on a napkin. Anyway, so we have the band. We have Sal. We have Red Band. There you go. Yes.

Ryan J. And this, my friends, the bucket of destiny will decide our fate for the evening anything can happen anybody can sign up it's literally a chaotic show we met a bunch of crazy people this past week in new york city and over this entire tour and anything can happen here tonight maybe it's the return of somebody that we've seen many times. Maybe it's a brand-new comedian for their first time that traveled to get here. Anything can happen. Anyone can sign up before the show. And if I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted to do stand-up at that microphone.

Then we interview you afterwards and talk with you about what else maybe is interesting about you and what else you could talk about. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. You guys ready to start this shit or what? We are live from the comedy store. Guys.

Guys, you're going to need to do fucking better than that. Are you guys ready to start the show tonight or what? Here we go. And your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight and then talking with us afterwards goes by the name of

Hayley Hackett, ladies and gentlemen. I think we've seen Hayley before. Here she comes. Getting us started. Haley Hackett. One more time for Haley, everybody. Hey.

So I had a stark realization the other day. I was trying to log into Hulu, right, to watch some cartoons because I was super high. And here's the thing, like, I can't watch live action when I'm high. You know, like, I see the acting. Like, you see Owen Wilson. I see Owen Wilson staring in the mirror, practicing his lines, and pretending to be Owen Wilson. Like, it's rough. But I was trying to log into Hulu, and it asked me the question, like, are you a robot, right? I'm like, I don't think they're trying to figure out if I'm a robot.

I think they're trying to figure out if I'm too high, because I could not pass that test. Like, I was sitting there like, whoa. What is a storefront anyways? Like, this could be a pop-up shop in the next few months, you know? I'm not trying to limit this bridge's potential. I refreshed it thinking that my answers were too smart, you know? I was like, it's just a little abstract.

Let's try again, you know? And it was like, oh, identify the signs. I was like, whoa. Who am I to identify signs? I am not qualified. Like, I'm not God. All right, thank you. There you go.

Hayley Hackett getting it started. Little Hulu joke. Hell yeah. Hayley, how long have you been doing stand-up? Now it's like seven months. Seven months. Yeah, you saw me during my first time. That was your first time on this show.

Heck yeah, that's awesome. And there you are. It took a little while to get there, but once you started hitting it through combinations, you have your towel wrapped around your neck. Did you just come from the beach? No, I'm ready to shower. What's a shower?

Janessa, you dirty, dirty girl back there. Look at that. That's right. I love that little slut bounce you do back and forth. Look at that. Look at those titties. She's got such a huge cock. Yeah.

For a girl, she's got a huge cock for a girl. Huge. She really does. It's 2019. That shit's just fully acceptable. She's a good girl. So, Haley, how's it going? It's going well.

Seven months you've been doing this. We've been doing this seven months. All in Los Angeles. All in Los Angeles. What's your day job? My day, I'm a receptionist now. Heck yeah. Now, what were you doing before?

Oh shit. Yep. I mean. Exactly. I've done so many things. I was like a Lyft driver. I worked at the escape room. I did pokey for a while.

I was an associate producer for a hot second. What? Now I'm a receptionist You've gone full circle The Hollywood conundrum I might not know What does I did pokey for a while mean? I was a pokey artist It means I made pokey bowls

You don't even have to cook fish And you throw it in with some lettuce Yeah exactly My boss yelled at me all the time. He didn't like my art. That's called pokey? Or poke-ay. I don't know if he was incorrect or

everyone coming in was incorrect. I thought it was fucking poke. I'm from the East Coast. I'll take one of those fucking poke bowls. Do you say gyro too? You guys got poke bowls. Do you say gyro too? You guys got poke? You guys got poke here?

Do you say gyro too? Gyro. Yeah, I say gyro. What is the real term for it? Euro. Yeah, West Coast people always say euro. What? Exactly.

See, East Coast people are like gyro. Euro? You call it a gyro. You're wrong. You're wrong. It's gyro. What do you call the candy with peanut butter inside? This is not about me right now.

This is interesting. Wow. I'm very passionate about this. I already feel stupid about the gyro and the poke. Actually, both of those things sound nothing like food. I love pho. Pho? Yeah.

Yeah, how do you call pho? I say pho, although I know it's pho, right? Wow, we're all dumb and uncultured. Janessa, what's your favorite food? Penis. I think you mean penis, so it's penis. So Haley,

you've been doing a lot of open mics over the past seven months. You get a lot of, have you hooked up with a comedian yet? Yeah. Yeah, that open mic scene. You guys don't know because you're fucking normal people. But the open mic scene, you end up only being able to really relate to other people, sort of also doing what you're doing. And you see them night after night. And sometimes you get bored.

You have a couple drinks. Okay. I swore off them. Absolutely not. When I first started, I was like, oh, wow, he's funny. Now I'm like, no, never again. They're all unstable. No offense.

You all are crazy. I'm sorry. No, it's true. I'm sorry. So did you guys poke? Yeah, we poked. You let them poke your bowl? We poked at the pokey shop like shit, you know?

For the show. Heck yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. And so now you're single? Yeah. That's fun. And you're working're single? Yeah. That's fun. And you're working as a receptionist.

What's your living situation? You live with other comedians? No, I live with screenwriters. Oh, they're never going to make it. You mean baristas. You live with baristas. My wife and I work at the AT&T store. Yeah.

Yeah. So what's that like? You have your own bedroom or something like that? No. I sleep with two other people. Not in the same bed. Yeah. Not in the same bed.

Right. Not in the same bed. Different beds, but the same room. Very much the same room. How many rooms are in the place? Two. So there's three in one room. How many in the other? There's

two. No, it's a couple in the other. They're all cute and shit. So there's five people. Yeah. Total in the apartment. How many bathrooms? There's two. Wow, that's good. So the three people do the like one bathroom and then if someone's trying to get laid, we just pull one of the mattresses out into the living room. Ah. We're very considerate. What the fuck is going on

in this apartment? Yeah, this is how it works. You're dragging mattresses out, all helping each other fuck and very considerate. What the fuck is going on in the support? You're dragging mattresses out, all helping each other fuck? The couple too? No, the couple fucks in their room. How old are you? I'm 22. That makes a lot more sense now. How old did you think I was? I don't know, but you live in a fuck house. I don't see this kind of thing.

You're eating poke. You're fucking people. It's true. You're eating poke. You're fucking people. It's true. It's true. I'm 43. You're successful now. You're successful, Sal. So you don't have to deal with this stuff.

But a lot of the open mic lifestyle is a lot like parts of the Impractical Jokers show. All right, here's the deal. You have to try to have sex with her, but you're going to have to convince her to do it in the living room. Impractical pokers. Yeah. That's where you guys chant Joelberg. I don't know where these tourists came from tonight, but obviously it's a lot of people's first time at this show.

How many webcams does your apartment have? How many computers do we have? About four. In the bathroom. How many are in the bedrooms? Okay, Brian. No one knows where you're trying to red band. Wow.

So that Red Bull kicks in hard at the top of the show. I'm drinking Caveman Coffee Nitro Cold Brew. Oh, wow. Hell yeah. Don't forget, use the promo code KILTONI. Save 15% on all orders of delicious nitro cold brew coffee, which we really, really swear by and love. Does that keep you up at night?

What? Does that keep you up at night? Caffeine does, yes. Yeah? Are you planning to go to sleep? Yeah. Okay. What time do you go to bed, lady?

What the fuck's up with your questions? Who the hell? Are you, like, living your dreams right now? No. I'm just curious. Haley, tell us something that we'd be surprised to know about you. Anything interesting happen recently or in your life? Recently or in my life? Like I just thought of a

random thing but like I've tattooed someone before. I've done like a lot of weird things to people. Yeah, so you've tattooed someone before. Tattooed someone before. I used to... An ex of mine used to be on testosterone. I used to put it in his butt for him. Used to

shoot the shot in his butt. Yeah. Wow. It is weird. Did you tell him you're gonna feel a slight poke? I poked him. I'm just thinking of random shit. You will never hear more poke jokes than tonight. I promise you him. I'm just thinking of random shit. You will never hear more poke jokes than tonight.

I promise you that. There's a lot of poke jokes. Live from the Comedy Store. It's the Poke Bowl. I thought you were going to do an Owen Wilson impression. That's where I thought you were headed with that. Really? No, of course.

That's what I said. If we go back to the set, because I want to also give you like, you know, is that all right? Okay. Yeah, I mean, I was relatable when you had to prove yourself you weren't a robot,

because that happens to me all the time. And I swear that I click the street signs or the front door signs, the front store signs all the time, and it still fucking doesn't verify me. So I had a real nice laugh internally at that part. Prior, prior, I didn't really know where you were going because you brought Owen Wilson up,

but then we didn't really get anywhere with Owen Wilson. So I would just get to that other stuff, unless you have something you want to explore. I agree. Listen to that set again and cut out all the information that you don't have a direct punchline for. If there's not a reason for Owen Wilson, you don't need to paint that picture for the people because the stuff that's funny

isn't the Owen Wilson stuff. There you go. And that's your first comedian of the night, Hayley Hackett, ladies and gentlemen, and we have begun. She's on Twitter, at Hayley Hackett, all one word. H-A-C-K-E-T-T.

You guys having fun already? Huh? You get it? This is interesting. It seems like an industry heavy room tonight. I feel like there's a lot of people. Sometimes I forget how like mellow Hollywood is. It's weird seeing real people and then going back. That's the catch with doing the road is you realize like, oh, great audiences are great audiences

and then you come back home and everybody's like, oh, we're here to critique your show. Number one podcast in the world of live podcasts will be the decider of that. Okay. Put your hands together for your next comedian. How about this?

Salvatore Fratelloni. This is a real Sal coming up here. Wow, that back corner again. Salvatore Fratelloni. Here he comes. Salvatore Fratelloni. Oh, yeah. It looks like a real

Salvatore. Of course he has it. One more time for Salvatore, everybody. How's it going? I'm aware I look like a mob boss's douchebag son. I look like I'm in charge of pasta night at my fraternity, guys. I know. For some reason, I'm dressed like a background actor on Saved by the Bell 2.

I don't know why I dress like this every day. I had sex with a girl recently. Yeah. And I came on her chest. Yeah. Right after I came on her chest, she goes, this is true,

did you really have to toast or strudel me? What? Also, I didn't know it was possible to fuck a girl that's a bigger douchebag than I am. I don't think it should work out that way. All right, I'm going to duck out early. Thanks, guys.

Heck yeah, 52 seconds of Salvatore Fratelloni. Came out guns a-blazin'. I love it. Making fun of yourself about the way you look, and it's all absolutely spot on. Fratelloni came out guns a blazing. I love it. Making fun of yourself about the way you look, and it's all absolutely spot on. Everything you said was definitely true. You have the real fucking, and you noticed it as he came up,

you have the real Italian fucking, what is that? The ghost pepper? The horn? Yeah, yeah. Yep. Salvatore Fratelloni. So where are you from, Salvatore? All right, this isn't on brand, but I'm from Minnesota.

Wow, Minnesota. That explains the Saved by the Bell look. I love that it's permeated culture so much that you came up with a one-minute spot at this, and you're like, it's not on my brand. But you can think about the joke source think about the brand later you know for sure heck yeah how long you been doing stand-up so about two years fucking around these last three months been going up every night trying to what changed three

months ago that you started taking it more seriously i uh stopped smoking weed that was it i swear to god was there a reason specifically why you stopped smoking weed or it just happened? I would go home after work at around 7. I bar back during the day. And bareback at night. You and I both have dirty minds tonight, huh? Look at that slut. So you bar back during the day?

Yeah, and then I would go home at like 7, go home, take a dab, and just be scared in my room all night. Oh, so you were taking dabs. Yeah, that was different. Well, I would, like, smoke, like, five backwards with my buddies after that. That's also different than taking one hit of a joint. You know that, right? I know. I'm just, like, a, like, yeah.

Hey. Who the fuck is this guy? Salvatore. You smoked five what? Backwoods. It's a blunt wrap that's real tobacco leaf. You have to put a lot of weed in there to roll them well. You get real fucked up.

It's delicious. They're really good. I'm learning some shit this week. There you go. So you don't smoke any more pot, but clearly your barber does. Is that your real laugh? Yeah. Holy shit.

It sounds like you slipped on a meatball and you're trying to keep the tray in your hand Wow So you still bar back during the day And now you're just Staying sober at night You're done with the dabs What else do you do for fun? Okay

Once again not on brand I'm an expert at an ancient And what else? What else do you do for fun? Okay. This, once again, not on brand. I'm an expert at an ancient Japanese skill toy game called Kendama. I think you know about it. Oh, we know Kendama. Absolutely. Our friend Adam22 actually gave me one. I have one sitting around. It frustrates the shit out of me.

Every time I've tried it, I'm not good at it. That's a lot of words to just say you're a loser You're talking about him? Yeah You better be careful back there, you crazy You're one of the top Young Rising comedians This guy, hipster Fred Flintstone over here Do you have one of these on you

That you could show us how your master I should have brought it Yeah, you should have Can I say, I know your name is Salvador Farlone And you lean into that Show us how your master. I should have brought it. Yeah, you should have. Can I say, I know your name is Salvatore Farlone and you lean into that. But the things that you're saying that describe you in your real life were funny. We laughed at that part. We laughed at the fact that you stopped smoking because you were afraid in your home and everything.

So it seems like you're worried about making a brand. But I would just focus on being, you know, and maybe you are like this. Have you dressed like that for real? I do, yeah. Okay, so you're aware. No, no, I'm not even saying like you have a and maybe you are like this. Like, have you dressed like that for real? I do, yeah. Okay, so you're aware. No, no, I'm not even saying, like, you have a certain fashion sense to you, actually. You're kind of fashionable. Thanks, bro.

Yeah, no, but what I'm saying is, like, you're ripping on yourself. It doesn't go. Well, you're like, I don't know why I look like this. I don't know if I would say I don't know why I look like this because you're cultivating a look, right? Yeah. So if you're going to lean into it, you know, lean into it.

But I wouldn't shy away from the things that you're telling us that go against what we see because that makes you more interesting. Because we're judging you by your look right away. Then if you come up and you kind of are different than what we expected, that's a good thing. Yeah. 100% agree with him. This thing you keep saying about being on brand is that you have not found your brand yet. You know what I mean? You don't want to just be the mafia-looking sun guy, right?

Like, there's so much more to you, and we need to know about that. The fact that you used to smoke a lot of pot isn't on brand, right? The fact that you're good at the old Japanese art of fucking getting a ball on a stick is not on brand. But the point is, is, like, you have no brand. Yeah, I mean, Toaster Strudel

isn't on brand. Have you always worn, like your whole life, worn that necklace, like the sperm on your chest thing? You got that from your dad, right? Oh yeah, my grandpa has the same name as me. Salvage Fratelloni. My dad's name is actually Doug.

I would joke about it in my act, but yeah, I knew I wouldn't have time. Yeah, that is not on brand at all. You came out guns blazing, I like that you got a joke, your first line was a joke, it was about you,

you dug in, you were self-deprecating like you said, you took me by surprise when you went from like, I know I'm wearing a sweatshirt to I fucking come all over this girl now, you know,

that was a real fucking, you really changed lanes there. That's when I started listening. Salvatore, one more question. You said that you got the Italian horn from your grandfather. Fun fact, I have actually been given one of those Italian horn necklaces when I was a little boy by my father. It's an Italian thing, so that won't

work there. Now I'm interested to know how Italian your grandfather is. What's his name? His name is the same as mine, Salvatore Fratelloni. Oh, wow. It's the same. We passed down the name. My dad's brother was named Salvatore. How about other Italian? I always love old

school Italian names. Do you have any cool fucking Giuseppe? No, but I had a cousin named Joe Baby that was a street fighter. Wow. Never met him. Just heard stories about him. Joe Baby Fratelloni. Joe Baby.

I don't fucking. Oh, my God. That is the most Italian shit. Joe Baby. His name's Joe, and you called him Joey Baby. His name's not Joe Baby. I don't know. I just, when I hear stories about him, my dad's like, oh, yeah, your cousin Joe Baby.

He was a street fighter. Everybody calls him Joe Baby. It doesn't seem Italian. It sounds more like a black name to me. You know what I mean? Like Doug. Hey, get away. This ain't Joe Baby.

Oh, we lost them on that one. Oh, we're good? We're good? This ain't Joe Baby. It's a cumulative. It ain't Joe Baby. It's your baby. It's a cumulant. It ain't your baby. It's my baby. Now, can you guys trade your little necklaces and wear each other's necklaces?

Would that be cool? We don't really do that. You don't do that? No, it's a thing. It's a classy fucking thing. We pass them down. I have to have a kid named Salvatore Fratelloni someday, and I give it to him when he's 18. Yeah, it's a whole thing.

Wow. It goes down from generation to generation. It's the type of shit that guys like me and these Sal's here, this is what we talk about with Sebastian Maniscalco. You know what I mean? When you're out drinking Miller Lite or whatever you fucking are doing. But that's so awesome, Salvatore.

You're taking it seriously now and I really respect that. I've been talking with Joel about this a lot lately. Talking about trying to measure out the balance between having fun and being a serious comedian. It's very easy to blur that line,

and it's extremely easy to go on stage, have a pretty good to mediocre set while you're stoned or a little bit tipsy and just rationalize that it was okay and then it doesn't hurt as bad afterwards but now that you're sober, you're clearly

seeing like, ah, that fucking stings and I want to do better. Yep. And you have to live with that for the rest of the night and I think that's good to alternate with that. I'm saying it's a great thing that you found yourself by getting sober. So congratulations. There he goes.

Appreciate you guys. Seriously. Salvatore Fratelloni. Fuck yeah. We're having fun up here. I like this episode already. Yes. Having some good, productive, fun fucking times up here.

Tony, I want to name my son Pepperoni Salami Capicola marinara pizza pie. Wow. Yeah. Look at that. Very good. Very good. I forgot your name. I'll give you a necklace

on your chest. Did you say Janessa? Yes. Janessa and I forgot who I was for a second. What did you want to name them? What did you want to name them?

Salami, pepperoni, mortadella, capicola, mozzarella, pizza, marinara, meatball sauce. We show us the nipple? If you did that, that would be ridiculous. If the next person's funny, I'll show them my tits. Yes.

That's not a real name. Don't fuck this up. You better be funny. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Ashley Kelly, ladies and gentlemen. That's not a real name. Don't fuck this up. That's just a Twitter handle. You better be funny. You better be funny. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Ashley Kelly, ladies and gentlemen. Ashley Kelly. Wow, look at this.

Coming over the barrier. I love it. I love this. She came from the farthest part, but she just jumped the fucking couch. She jumped the table. I love it. One more time, good and loud for Ashley Kelly, everybody. Hi.

How you guys doing? Yeah, fuck yeah. All right. Hey, what's up? All right. I feel like, you know, everyone thinks their parents aren't proud of them. Yeah, like people's parents brag about them constantly. But Yeah, like, people's parents brag about them constantly. But I feel like it's because parents brag about the weirdest shit.

Sorry, I'm out of breath. Okay. Ooh. I don't know. I feel like, you know, I want my dad to be telling people that I'm, like, witty and funny and smart. But instead, he's, like, telling everyone, like, that I have a low center of gravity. Like, my dad's like, yeah, that Ashley dude, she's super athletic. I'm like, I don't even play sports, man.

For some reason, he's still telling people I made honor band in middle school. Like, I did grow up with a dad in a wheelchair though. And like, looking back on it, thank you. It wasn't that bad because like you know a lot of people were super afraid of their dads ah but like not me like i'd get in trouble my dad he'd be like come here and i'd be like no and just go up a few stairs it's fine wow wow show your t. Show your tits. Show your tits. Show your tits.

Look at that nipples. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What? Uh-oh. He's bought dollar store lotion. It got too hard. Thank you.

All right. No, just kidding. That was fucking awesome. Ashley Kelly, this is your first time on the show, correct? Hell yeah. I'm shaking. I was like, every time you guys go to the bucket, I pretend like I'm going to get up. I'm like, that's going to be me.

I love it. It just happened. I was like, that's me. Oh, God. Clearly, you were prepared. An awesome fucking minute. This is incredible. I love.

Thank you. We love finding new little killers here on this show. There's always room. One flies the coop, another one comes. So here we are with Ashley Kelly. Still got the braces on and everything. Still got the braces on. How long have you been doing stand-up?

I've had braces for... No, sorry. I've been doing it like a year and a half. How long have you had braces? A year. One year. Heck yeah. Trying to fucking put the finishing touches on those teeth.

Yeah. Trying to get, you know, TV ready. TV ready. Oh, wow. Fucking high hopes. Wow. I love it. I love it.

You use that nervous energy in your favor. And I don't know if you realize how much it worked for you. And I also don't know if you realize how funny you are. Oh, thank you. You know what you are. You are unapologetically yourself. Everything you said was honest, so it didn't even matter. It didn't even matter when there wasn't a punchline

because I was invested in the genuineness of who you actually are. Really. Yeah, all my jokes are just like brutal honesty, I think. It really is, and that's the fucking trick, man. I mean, that low center of gravity thing isn't something that's like some amazingly hard to write thing, but it made me and Sal both have a hard laugh and make eye contact, one of the good ones.

I've had people tell me my punchlines are kind of weird because it's like my punchline's like, and then he said that. It feels natural. They're very soft. It's a soft. Very cool. How old are you?

23. 23 years old. Great. What a great start you have on all this. This is incredible. Thank you. Thank you. And where are you from?

Vegas, I guess. Why don't you tell us for sure? Vegas, you guess. That sounds like prim to me. That joke kills in Vegas. The desperado? Have you been on that roller coaster? Yeah.

All right, never mind. It's always broken. It's the desperado, man. It's a huge drop. It's dangerous. That's why it's broken. So when you say Vegas, you guess. What do you mean?

I was born in Phoenix. I lived in Vegas mainly, like kindergarten to ninth grade. Then I moved to Dana Point and lived in California. I went to like six different elementary schools. I lived in Hawaii, Oregon. Why is that? Military family? Lucky.

Nah, you know. What's the deal with your parents? Tell us about it. Break it down for us a little bit because you're so funny. You're so funny for the age of 23 that we know. It's emotional trauma. Yeah, I know. Yes, exactly.

We know that there's some shit must have went down. Tell us about this desert style Roseanne Barr lifestyle that you've had growing up. I don't even. There's so many. At one point, my dad owned a farm just as a cover for the mafia. So that's like. Wow. Cover blown.

You hear that fucking Salvatore. Cover blown. You hear that fucking Salvatore Fratelloni? You hear that shit? Take notes, bitch. My father ran a farm for a guy named Joe Baby. No, but... I don't know.

My parents were divorced and they kept getting back together and then my mom would run away and take us with her and then they'd get back together. But now we live in San Diego. And then it was like, well, let's just go to Hawaii. Maybe things will be good there, you know?

Right. And she's like, your dad can't move around on the sand. No, no. That's, hey, that's before his accident. Oh, he had an accident to get in the wheelchair your father did? What kind of accident are we talking about? Are you the accident that he had? No, I'm the youngest, so I'm not the accident.

I love it. So what happened to him? He's in a wheelchair forever now? I mean, it was an accident. Let's be honest. I mean, he made millions of dollars. His tire came apart and his car flipped a ton of times. His tire came apart,

you say? Yeah. Right, it was an accident. That's what I'm saying. Man, that must not have been a good year. Oh. Oh.

Tire jokes, ladies and gentlemen. How does he do it? How does he do it? No, the tread came off the tire. Yeah. No, it didn't does he do it? No, the tread came off the tire. No, it didn't. No, it did.

It did. Your father was, you know, someone tried to kill your father. Oh, maybe. I'm so sorry if we're just hashing this out now for the first time in front of everyone. That's fine. I'm open to that answer, too. I mean, my family is just all up in the air. I don't know who to believe.

Is it true that in the tire they found one of those Italian horns had punctured it? It's fucking Joe, baby. Wow. What else, Ashley? You're 23. What does a girl like you do for fun? When you're not doing stand-up. I do a lot of stand-up. I have two

jobs, so it's not a lot of fun. I just started watching Game of Thrones. I don't know. Wow, still catching up on Game of Thrones. Just started, yeah. What are the two jobs that you have? Waitress and bartender. Hell yeah.

Actually, I've seen you before at Umami Burger. I work there. The one at the farmer's market? No, in Irvine. What? No, you asshole. The one in Irvine. It's connected to the- I'm so sorry about him. I'm so sorry. Thank you, one in Irvine. It's connected to the-

I'm so sorry about him. I'm so sorry. Thank you, thank you, yeah. It's connected to the- Fucking farmer's market. What a fucking asshole. Irvine Improv. Yeah.

And that night, Tony's tires came apart. What the fuck are you talking about? I forgot that. Fucking Irvine. Pull your head out of your fucking ass. The Umami Burger is connected to the Irvine Improv there. Yes. Yes.

Well, then what the fuck is your problem now? You know what he was fucking saying. No, I'm kidding. What? Farmer's Market. Where is that involved? I'm pretty sure there's one right there at the Farmer's Market. What?

There's the Farmer's Market at Fairfax and 3rd. There's a famous Farmer's Market called the Farmer's market. There's the farmer's market at Fairfax and 3rd. There's a famous farmer's market called the farmer's market. Don't worry, your family will be moving there next week. What does that have to do with umami though? You said that you fucking saw me at a fucking umami burger. You fucking son of a bitch.

It just so happens that I live next to a fucking umami burger. Next to an umami burger. So I assume that you work at the fucking umami burger that I live next to a fucking umami burger. Next to an umami burger. So I assume that you work at the fucking umami burger that I live next to. Alright. But instead, you work at the motherfucking...

I pull out my... What? I pull out my necklace for the first time ever. I assume that you fucking wanted to at the fucker. I've been to that fucking Umami Burger one, maybe two fucking times. All right? Hey, somebody go get more Tadela salami pepperoni fucking pizzazz.

Do yourself a favor. Check the tread on your ties when you leave here tonight. End up like your father. You don't fuck around. Me, Sal, and my boy fucking Joe, baby. We do not... Don't question my fucking umami. I'm sorry.

I got fucking umami issues. I go to all the umami... I'm a huge umami fan. I'm an umami's boy. Ashley, you are an absolute murder. I'm telling you right now. On a... Okay. Ashley you are an absolute murder I'm telling you right now on a on a show like this

you know I'm looking out there right now at a young lady the great Allie Makovsky over there working the door tonight Kill Tony legend was a regular on this show for a couple years she now opens up for Joe Rogan she does comedy festivals.

She travels the fucking world doing stand-up. She's an in-demand comedian. And she worked it out and learned a lot on a show like this. And she started young. And in a crazy way, you remind me a lot of her. And it's always fun to find someone new and exciting on this show. It's one of the coolest parts of it. and you just made that happen for us tonight. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, the introduction of Ashley Kelly on Kill Tony. Thank you. She's on Instagram, at Ashley Kelly, all one word, Ashley Kelly. Wow. 23 with the braces. Move over, Amy Schumer. Ashley Kelly has arrived. Move over more, Amy Schumer. No, move over a little more. Keep over, Amy Schumer. Ashley Kelly has arrived. Move over more, Amy Schumer.

No, move over a little more. Keep moving, Amy Schumer. A little bit more, Amy Schumer. Heck yeah. And just like some of the greats like Amy Schumer and Ali Wong, I feel like Ashley's going to be pregnant in no time.

This is a fun episode. I fucking feel it. Let's keep the momentum going. Make some noise for your next comedian. He goes by the name of Brandon Thompson, everyone. Brandon Thompson. Oh, right there. First guy.

Here we go. Uh-oh. Hell yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. You can't describe your favorite episode of Law & Order SVU without sounding like a creep. Like, I like the one where the priest fucks the baby. Speaking of pedophiles, my uncle.

My uncle had this hit song in the 70s and he turned it into a Vegas career. He used to open for Bill Cosby on the road and he used to, it's a true story. I was so jealous of my cousins growing up. But, you know, now I'm just pretty stoked, you know, that I didn't get raped. And it's not like they ever told me that they were raped. It's just like they carry a certain sadness. You can see it. My mom came out as a lesbian in her late 60s.

And, yeah, awesome for her. But it kind of puts me in a weird philosophical bind, right? Because if you do the math, like, I owe my entire existence to homophobia. Which, like, honestly, it's a hard cross to bear, but, you know. There you go. Brandon Thompson. Getting us going here. Hell yeah, dude.

I like your style, man. Thanks. You're a lot funnier than you look like you were gonna be. Yeah! That's a great thing. That's a really great thing. That's a lot funnier than you look like you were going to be. Yeah. That's a great thing. That's awesome. That's a really great thing. That's a compliment I don't think I've ever given out on this show. Fuck yes.

Most guys that come up here with a big bag and shit and a ball cap sideways, they usually suck, but you were full of surprises. Numerous punchlines. Fuck yeah. I thought you were doing Postmates. Fuck yeah. I thought you were doing Postmates. Fun fact, you can use the promo code KILTONI, get $100 for a week free on Postmates.

Wait, wait. So can I tell you about what's in the bag? As long as it's not a gun. Let's get to that in a second. Let's take our time. What's in the bag? Okay. Okay.

Let's all breathe here. I'm sorry. Brandon. Yes, indeed. Welcome. My bad. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is time number six. This is your sixth time ever?

Yeah, sixth time ever. Wow, so solid for six times on stage. How long ago did you start? Like, I've just done it a few times. I moved to L.A. like three months ago. From where? From last I lived in, sunny Denny Coco, Denver, Colorado. Very nice.

Heck yeah. You left when they legalized mushrooms because your mission had been accomplished there? Fuck yeah. I grew a bunch of weed when I lived there. Awesome. I set up a huge grow room. It was cool. You?

I don't believe it. Man, I didn't hear Joel Berg, but you're hot as fuck, girl. Heck yeah. So you just moved here three months ago. What's your living situation? I live in Koreatown with this like semi-racist Bulgarian man. Uh-huh. What's so racist about him?

What's his least favorite race? Oh. Koreans? He's like old. No, he's married to an Asian woman, but he's like real like old school European racist. Like we were talking about the neighbor one day and he's just like, oh, they called the building inspector on me because they're Jews. And I'm like, whoa. Yikes, yikes, yikes.

Yikes. Yeah, that is racist. You have a resting smirk face that I enjoy. No, I enjoy it. You know what I like, too? You look like you're having fun. Oh, awesome. That's contagious.

So when you came up, you're just kind of like bouncing around. Yeah, I'm like nervous and just like. Yeah, but it still looks like you're having fun with it, which is good. That's really important, especially in the beginning. People forget to have fun because it's so nerve wracking. And you came up and it looked like you were already having fun. So immediately I was was smiling at you. Sick, thanks.

It's funny, when you held up the thing, I was like, oh, I hope they don't call me. The only time. It's funny. Thanks. It seems like you have a real grip for stand-up comedy. Have you listened to this show for a while? Dude, I have been listening to this show on repeat like a crazy person lately. Because I work in like, I do like AV stuff for bands and DJs and stuff.

And I've toured a lot and done that kind of thing. But I make like video shows. And so what I've made is something for Brian, basically. Are you going to pull that out of the bag? I would love to. All right, let's find out what's in the bag. Welcome to another episode of What's in That Bag? Okay, there we go.

There we go. Okay. Oh, boy. He's pulled out a laptop computer. Okay. Are you about to play a video or something? What's happening here? Oh, my God.

He has a soundboard, ladies and gentlemen. He has the exact same setup as Red Band. Are you about to try to take Red Band's job from him? No, I'm trying to give him stuff to play with. Step away from the talent. Holy shit, look at that. Look at that. They do have a bunch of cool comics.

That's badass. Oh, my goodness. For those of you listening, there is an awesome graphic with the Kill Tony logo and cats going around. This is amazing. Yeah, that's beautiful. That's underage, no? Okay. Yeah.

Wait a second. That was badass. Whoa. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh, my God. Uh-huh. Oh, my God.

That is badass. Okay.huh. Oh, my God. That is badass. Okay. Hey, welcome to Kill Tony. Hey, lady, how about a hand for our new intern, Brandon Thompson, everybody? It's that easy. Show up every Monday and help us out. All right.

Okay? Be positive. Be positive. Help us. Will you be here on Mondays? Be here on Mondays. Welcome, Brandon Thompson and the Kill Tony family. That's badass.

How cool was that? It's that easy. It's that easy, people. You want to be part of the fucking family? How about you contribute a little bit? Use your goddamn imagination. That is sweet. Jesus Christ. The guy's got punchlines, and he comes up with fucking gifts for sweet. Jesus Christ.

The guy's got punchlines and he comes up with fucking gifts for us. It's going so well. I feel like someone's going to do terrible. Who's going to be that person? If you're out there, don't get too comfortable. I'll tell you, you're going to suck.

You are so spot on right now. You are so spot on right now. You are so spot on right now. There's definitely about to be a breach in the momentum. There you go, lady. Can you smile a little bit more like that, please? Your resting bitch face is shocking. Yeah. Yes, it's you.

Yes, it's you. Don't choke yourself. The one that was like this a second ago. You're okay. There you go. Just smile a little bit. Keep doing it. Somebody tickle this woman. My God.

It's just one angry lady out there. I think you look like you're having a blast. Look, now she's really angry. Now that I called her out on it. She's yelping now. Okay. You guys ready to keep this fun train moving along? Make some noise for your next comedian. Alex Holiday.

Here we go. Here he comes. Hey, I like that spotlight. Alex Holiday, here he comes. Wow, it's exciting. One more time for Alex, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, thank you. So just looking at me, I'm sure a lot of you assume I don't know what it's like to be discriminated against.

And that's fair. I get it. I get it. But it's not true. I have an Android phone. Yeah. That means I'm judged by the color of my text bubble and not the content of my messages. Something a little more personal about me. I've never had anal sex before. Yeah. Surprising, right?

I look like the kind of guy to be really pushy about it. You know. I don't know. I've just never been having sex and thought, this would be way better if there was a chance I get pooped on. I don't know. That's what I got for now, guys. Wow.

There he is. Alex Holliday. First time on the show. I would remember you. Very exciting. Has anyone ever told you you have a very distinct voice before? Yes, of many people. Ray Romano.

Yeah, I've heard Ray Romano in slow motion. We actually have a little bit of you Singing Oh god Alright You definitely rock that shit at karaoke right If you know If I had that kind of confidence yes You could be getting slain so much

If you just Kermit in karaoke Heck yeah You've really never had anal before, huh? Never. I was going to say, would you like to? I'm from Venice. Meet me by the pier. It's on the table. Janessa, what would you do

with this guy if you had him alone? I'd fucking slurp him up from his fucking shoes to his fucking twos. Hell yeah. By twos, I mean his nuts. Take them out for a single scoop, if you know what I mean. Joelberg, you are...

I'm going to need hairball medication after this one. You said no to that. What does that mean? Are you clean shaven, Alex? I take care of things. Listen to his voice. Oh my God. I'll talk to that. What does that mean? Are you clean shaven, Alex? I take care of things. Listen to his voice. Oh, my God.

I'll talk to her. Before the night ends, could you leave my outgoing machine message? Thank you so much. Hi, you're very slow to call. Hey, Ma. Did you say, hey, Ma? Say what? Hey, Ma.

Hey, Ma. Hell, yeah. You're like you say hey you guys yeah yeah just fucking do it and commit hey you guys wow you are incredible thank you my goodness this is like i feel like this is a hiring session for kill tony i feel so. I feel like you could be the guy that introduces Red Band who introduces me. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Brian Red Band. Here we go. The number one live comedy podcast. Oh, wow. Look at you.

How old are you? I'm 23. 23, and you are clearly going through super puberty. Yeah, I know. I have been. My voice keeps getting lower. When did that start, the voice like that? Was it your whole life?

Oh, no. It was immediate. It was like seventh grade, spring break. I left sounding like a small little kid and came back sounding like this. Oh, my God. Did you? Yeah. One at a time.

Kermit Criss. Yes. Looks like you found a machine and wish to be big. Oh, man. So you're 23 years old. 23. How do you make money? I actually work for my dad.

Oh, yeah. What does he sound like? Does he sound like you, too? No, he sounds younger. Well, less. He sounds disappointed? He's very proud of me. What does your dad do for work?

He owns a home theater and alarm company. I'm like his lead man in the field. Home theater alarm company. Jeff Henson. It's an alarm for the home theater? Both. Basically anything in your house that needs an alarm. Oh my god. I would buy the shit out of you trying to sell me that. Both. No, like, basically anything in your house that, like...

Needs an alarm. Like security systems. Oh, my God. I would buy the shit out of you trying to sell me that. Yeah. With that fucking voice being like, imagine if an intruder came in and was like, let me into this house. Let me into this house.

I'd be like, give me the premier package. Yeah. Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Yeah. Have you ever thought about recording your own voice

for the alarm? Oh, get out of here. Oh, no. Get out of here, Miss Piggy. Wow. I haven't. I haven't. Alex, you came out

and had actual, you were the first person that had actually crafted written jokes and punchlines right out of the gate. I really like that. Thank you.

It's incredible. How long have you been doing stand-up? Two months. Wow. Two months. Incredible. Thank you. It's incredible. How long have you been doing stand-up? Two months. Wow, two months. Incredible. Thank you. And you're born and raised here in Los Angeles?

Yeah, Venice. Incredible. You were raised on Venice Beach? Turn that security system off tonight. I'm coming home. Hey! Hell yeah. Do you have a security system?

You still live with your parents? No, I don't. Oh, you have your own place. Yeah, well, I live with two roommates, but we each have our own bedrooms. You pull mattresses out for each other when you're trying to fuck? No, we close doors. You got to go to Haley's place. Yeah, that's true.

So you're 23 years old. What do you like to do for fun? You look like you've collected all the Pokemon Go. Pokeballs. I've done that joke a couple times. Pokemon. I did a little bit in my day. Oh, you did?

Yeah, I mean. Hell yeah. But I basically work, go to the gym, hang out with friends. Yeah, what do you work out at the gym? Your voice box? This guy's trachea does bigger squats than he can. Go be a walk on it.

Put a kettle... You sound like you attach kettle bells to your throat. Just... They named the dog Indiana. Yeah, is your father Bane from Batman? Son. Son, you were born in the dark.

Son, you're the man now, dog. I've constructed the ultimate security system. We've found the cure now we've lost it. Good luck cracking the code. I hit women.

I don't. Oh my goodness. What's something else about you, Alex, that we'd be surprised to know about you? I make kombucha. You make kombucha. Oh my goodness. What's something else about you, Alex, that we'd be surprised to know about you? I make kombucha. You make kombucha. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It might not be that surprising. Actually, actually, not surprised. It's thin. Wow. How long have you been doing that for? A few months, not too long. A few months making kombucha. What's that process like?

You just make tea and leave it in a jar. It's nothing. It sounds way more impressive than it actually is. I've been paying $6 a bottle for what? Yeah. There's something in the water tonight at this show because you also are so young, so new. I don't think you know how funny you are.

Your voice is one of your strengths. You're immediately different from people. You're ahead of the game right away, man, I tell you. I was told by somebody. It's true. This is a crazy episode. 23, 23, 24. And then there was Sal Fratelloni

who's probably fucking like, I don't know, 32 or something like that. I could have said any number. It would have been funny right then. I don't know why. or something like that. I could have said any number. It would have been funny right then. I don't know why. Sal could be any age. He's either 13 or 56. I'm not sure.

He's like a fucking, he's somewhere. He's like Boss Baby. He's like Jojo Baby. Hey, Boss Baby. But you did it here tonight, Alex. So much fun. This is your first time on the show, right? Come back. Do it again.

We want to know more about him. Alex Holiday, everybody. Alex Holiday is on social media, Mr. Holiday. And Brandon Thompson, our newest intern, is on Instagram at SauceMonsterTheMovie. Don't say anything. Don't have somebody steal our new intern.

Oh, yeah. Nobody's going to steal our intern. There's Brian with his natural fear and paranoia shining through. His bad karma shining. Oh, somebody will steal it if you say his name. Hey, this is the studio audience. You know what I'm talking about.

These are all managers and shit. You can tell. There's not been one Joel Berg chant the whole night. You guys are shills. You don't just start it out of nowhere, you fucking drunk idiot. My God, this guy over here visiting from Indiana.

Clearly. Wow, there's a mentally retarded man in the audience, everybody. Alex, you're done. Alex. Alex, there's no more from you, Alex. I'm kidding. That's an old friend, Cody. Cody, chill out over there.

You relax. You relax until your goddamn name gets pulled out of the fucking bucket. Cody's voice has retard strength, everyone. Be careful. I might fuck that guy later. He's my friend. I can talk about him like that. You fucking liberal pussies in this room tonight.

Fucking shills. Just all these women looking at each other like, oh my God, you need to fucking say that? God, yes. I can say retard. All right? I'm allowed. I have a retarded nephew, and he laughs every time I call him retarded. Anyway.

My mom's stupid retarded. There you go. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Jason King, everyone. Here we go. This is a crazy show. Everyone's been fun. A lot of young, up-and-coming comedians.

And here we go. Here comes Jason King, everybody. Man, it sucks when you know you're going to want to eat shit, right? All right. Hey, guys. I was recently told by a lady I have the body of a young Santa Claus, which is the most backhanded compliment you can get from a woman, right? On one hand, it's like, hey, you love kids.

You love the season. On the other hand, it's like, oh, you're one candy cane away from a diabetic coma. Oh, you fat piece of shit. I think I have two types of body in one. Bear with me. I think the lower half, I think I have the lower half of a young, spry George Lucas. Like Star Wars George Lucas, you know, with the little shorts. I think I have the upper body, though, of like a modern-day George Lucas. Like I have like rich, sad, white guy body, like she's yelling about people cleaning my lake. Like, ooh, lady, sad, white guy body. Like she's yelling about people like cleaning my lake. Like, ooh, lady, ooh, lady, clean my lake.

All right, guys, that's it for me. Hell yeah, Jason King. Hell yeah. Good save. I love it. Thank you, thank you. Jason King. This is your first time on the show, right?

It is. It was. I was just getting up to put money in my meter. It's a funny story. Is that what you call masturbating in a bathroom stall? The money in your meter? Did you see that?

Is that what you saw? Hell yeah. It's a pleasure to have you on this show Jason King. Thank you. Or as I call you Drew Scary. Three, four! Nice. Hell yeah. If I only had that kind of money,

I would love that. Yes, indeed. Maybe a skinnier body too. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? A couple of years. Yeah, two years. All here in LA? Here in LA, Long Beach,

in Orange County, when I was in Long Beach. But yeah, two years. Lived in K-Town, now I'm in downtown LA. What do you do for work? What kind of videos do you edit for a living? Yeah.

Oh, no. Yeah, no, I am a freelance video production editor. Nailed it. Fuck yeah! Nailed it. Fuck! I mean, yeah. Jesus Christ. Sal, that's how you be on brand, Sal. That's it right there.

Hell yeah. So how long you been How long you been Editing for? You know A couple of years Started out doing Homemade stuff And then now Funniest home videos

Funniest home videos Yeah Masturbation Funniest masturbation Home videos Okay There we go Yeah

I'm big on Pornhub Yeah Okay What do you What else are you into? What do you do for fun? I just started a wiffle ball league in downtown.

That actually sounds pretty fucking cool. Yeah, if you guys want to get wasted and play wiffle ball in downtown, we do it every Saturday. I love that. Wiffle ball seems like one of those things that I would normally suggest. Sometimes I do that. I'm like, oh, you seem like a fun guy. What do you do for fun? Fucking wiffle ball.

I wish I would have thought of that because that would have been crazy if I thought of that this week. If I had a wiffle ball in my head and then you're like, actually, I'm in a wiffle ball league. I'd have you pull out paperwork to confirm it. It's crazy because wiffle ball is the only sport I believe you played. He plays croquet.

Croquet. I like wiffle ball. I played racquetball in college. Wow, look at you. Wow, I like wiffle ball. I played racquetball in college. Wow, look at you. Wow, I'm wet. Party machine. My goodness gracious. So wiffle ball, what else?

Wiffle ball. You have a girlfriend? Yeah, I live with my girlfriend in downtown. How long have you been with her? Two years. Why do I get the feeling that she looks exactly like you? She could, I don't know. It's okay, two years. Why do I get the feeling that she looks exactly like you? She could. I don't know.

It's okay. Two years. Now I got to think about it. Shit. Correct me if I'm wrong, and I don't mean any disrespect, but you seem like a guy who likes to have fun. Love to party. Yeah. Love to have a good time.

Love to go out. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy staying out late, staying up late. Yeah. You look like you drink Pabst Blue Ribbon tall cans in your pinball machines a lot. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, I enjoy pinball.

Yeah, I'm in a pinball league. Is that true? No, I'm not. That would have been pretty tight, though. Wow. So what does your girlfriend do? She works at a big company. It's like a car marketing company.

Okay. Good enough for me. Where'd you meet her at? I met her off Tinder. Whoa. Heck yeah. So it's going to last. I'm excited.

This is the one. Heck yeah. So you went out on that first date. What'd you guys do? We went to a bar that's no longer open. Uh-huh. Yeah. Typical LA. It was called Now Boarding. I don't what'd you guys do? We went to a bar that's no longer open. Yeah, typical LA. It was called Now Boarding. I don't know if you guys ever went. It was like a

60s airplane theme. That sounds cool. Yeah, it was like Pan Am, but in a bar. Wait, airplane themed? I would love to go there. I'm obsessed with airplanes, everybody. I want to be a commercial airline pilot, everyone. That does sound pretty fucking awesome.

I'm not surprised it closed down because if you took a girl there, she was probably underage. Yeah. Most likely, yeah. Tony's really on brand with me. I like him young. Is your girlfriend young? Younger than you? She's younger than me, yeah.

Definitely. How much younger? Ballpark it. Enough. Yeah. Younger than... Wow. Yeah. Does it rhyme with... Wow, yeah, definitely. How much younger? Ballpark it. Enough. Yeah. Younger than... Wow. Does it rhyme with... Wow, Sal got upset. She's like two years younger. Relax. Come down.

Well, you're the one who said it all fucking ominously. I know, right? You're playing me. You're like, enough. I'm like, whoa, and you're like, calm down. It's 24 months. Yeah, she's only two years younger than you, so she's like 47. Perfect. She's 44. Yeah, that's right. Oh, wow. Okay. She's only two years younger than you, so she's like 47. Perfect. She's 44. Yeah, that's right. Oh, wow.

Okay. So close. Are you 46? I'm 46 years old. Oh, wow. That is so... Really? Are you?

No, I'm 24 years old, guys. Wow. I'm keeping it young. I'm 24. That's a joke. That's a joke. It's unbelievable. He guessed your exact age as a joke. And it was your age. It's unbelievable. He guessed your exact age

as a joke. It's sad that he thinks that's my age. I love that. Oh, it's not your age. No, bro. Keep up with the joke. Wait, how old are you? Why don't you just tell the truth, you fucking idiot? Oh, he was doing the joke. I was doing a bit on a bit. What do you mean doing a joke? You don't need to do the jokes. Tell the truth. We interview you, you fucking moron.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. By the way, I've never met a guy that looks both like Drew Carey and Mimi from the Drew Carey show before. That's how you pull off both. It's good. I've never gotten to make that joke before. Hey, when you go out and pay that meter, check the

tread, all right? Check the tread on the tires as well. All right. As I leave, I feel like, all right. How old are you? 33. Oh. 33. All right. Very good. It should concern you that we all thought you were 46. I believed it.

No, I get it. You might want to start maybe some extra water intake. Definitely. Yeah. Or water. Face lotion. Face lotion. These are all good tips.

Can I just talk about your set for one sec? Please, go right ahead. I would try, next time you go up, right, try to deliver the exact same material, just as close to your own regular talking voice and your own personality as possible. I thought it was a little performancy, and it felt a little bit inauthentic to me. Because you were almost kind of trying a little too hard with the way you delivered it. I thought that I would have enjoyed it more because after I see you talk as yourself, I think that's

good enough. I like a little bit more energy because I feel like I'm a little too meme-y sometimes. A little down. No, the energy was great. You could still have energy but be more in your own authentic voice. Okay. That's a good tip. Okay. Because you have natural energy, so let the natural energy

shine. Right? Does that make sense to you? I like that. Jason King, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Jason King. All of them. So, on this show, Sal, you know that we have a regular every single week.

And I'm not sure. Have you been here since William Montgomery became the regular? Oh, I don't know if I remember that name. Oh, yeah. No. Malcolm has moved on. He's in the new Justin Roiland video game. Things are going good for our old friend Malcolm.

And since then, we have acquired who seems to be one of the most popular regulars of all time. He's been doing it 12 years. He has a very distinct style of improvisational joke. I don't know how to describe it. He's a very powerful beast of a comedian. He's one of my favorite things in all of comedy. And he is performing a brand new minute for you right now. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the great William Montgomery, everybody.

Here we go. Here he comes. Wow. Yeah. I'm excited about this. Come on, guys. Make some fucking noise for William Montgomery. I've been going to the airport a lot lately, not flying on planes, but stealing people's shit.

You're going to Jacksonville. Your bag's not. You're flying in Russia. I've heard bad things about the airspace. Your bag's not following you. about the airspace, your back's not following you. Man, get off my cape. That is the black Dracula.

So it's hard doing cocaine with Dracula because whenever we're bent down in front of the mirror, I can't see his fucking reflection. Hey, Dad, just put it in the tarantula bag. I don't know if y'all are familiar. God, how's it? Hell yeah, William. Another new minute. Did you have something there at the end,

or were you just stalling for time with the I don't know if you're familiar with? Did you have something you wanted to do? I'm such a huge fan Saul I just do you mind standing? Sal is my name but I appreciate your fandom I just remember one of my

favorite sketches you did pulling pranks on people you put that tarantula in the sack during Halloween just all the kids getting the candy and you had the tarantula in in the uh in the sack during halloween just all the kids getting the candy and you had the tarantula in the sack and was that was that you sal do you remember doing this no i i i am not sure that's me yeah one of the things william does is sometimes it appears as though he makes stuff up and then we if you but if you roll with it, he just keeps going. Yeah, Sal, I think it was in 96.

Oh, I thought you meant on the show, which started in 2011. In 96, I did that. Yeah, no, 96, we were hanging out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so crazy. Y'all will never believe this. Sal was putting tarantulas in the Halloween bags. God.

You told me you'd never say anything. I knew one day you would. And, you know, now you did. I can't believe this. Sal was 23. I was 16. It's so nice seeing you again. Yeah, you too.

You too. Why didn't you guys ever stay in contact after that? Oh, no, we did. We did. I just haven't seen him this week. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, we did. We did. I just haven't seen him this week. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, we're very good friends. We're both on AOL.

You've got me. He's funmount69 at AOL. Right? And you're pat106, right? Pat106, yeah. Instant message. I love it. That's so fun.

So, William, we missed you in New York. You were not able to get off of the self-storage unit job that you have, that you actually work. That is an actual truth that you work at a self-storage place. It is. I couldn't get off. My boss actually watched. I was talking about getting fired.

I didn't get fired. But my boss saw me calling her a bitch, which was horrible. Your boss really watched last week's episode? She did. Why? Which pissed me off. Again, last Monday, the crazy homeless guy. He told her to.

I always tell him, don't tell your boss to watch because then you can't prohibit yourself. She watched. He tells her to watch. He says, bitch, now he's in trouble at work. Tell him about it. Yeah, tell us more. Yeah, I mean, if she could have only seen Sal, you and I, it was so fun.

Just 96. 96, yeah. Atlanta, Georgia, just thinking about making pipe bombs, just being in that house. I know. Just ending up putting him under the bleachers. Yeah, it was so hot. It was so hot.

It was humid, too, right? It was a nightmare. Mos the bleachers. Yeah, it was so hot. It was so hot. It was humid too, right? It was a nightmare. Mosquitoes everywhere. Yeah. Well, we had the deep woods deets. We had deep wood deets. This episode tonight is dedicated to deep wood deets. Fun fact about William and mosquitoes.

I actually know this. He actually bites mosquitoes. I do. Not a lot of people know this about me. I have really sharp front teeth, so I can... Do you all know what a mosquito sounds like? I can't.

That's a sweet, sweet sound of mosquitoes. Mouskitos. Mouskitos. So, William, did you ever find the person's number that offered you A much better paying job Working your own hours and you'd be able to do comedy

I never did what was her name Let's call her out right now can she give me Her number again I know she's a fan of the show I know that they come here quite often So I figure if we just keep talking about it Eventually maybe they'll track you down Or something like like or maybe not that's what I'm worried about if I'll be quite frank I don't think I've I told this to anybody but when my comedy doesn't work out out here I

picture myself moving back to Memphis becoming an eighth grade English teacher William all black inner city school maybe Fra, maybe Southside. Getting into dog gambling, cross the tracks, West Memphis, Arkansas, just starting to lose. William. Do you have a website? Do you have

a website? I do. What is it? William. What is it? William? It is called AOL.com. Okay, Jesus. Wow. The reason why I ask is because today's episode is brought to you by Wix. Wix is the best and easiest place to create a professional website.

With Wix, you can start from scratch or choose from over 500 stunning templates. They have the world's most innovative drag-and-drop website builder, so you can easily customize your site and add text, images, videos, whatever you want. You can even use Wix ADI, Artificial Design Intelligence, just to answer a few simple questions about

you or your business, and Wix will create a stunning website for you. You know a lot about this, Brian. Yeah, I went to college to make websites, and I thought it was a great thing until everyone wanted me to make them a website. That was one of the most annoying things that I had to deal with like five years ago. This website, you just do a couple things and you have a website. I don't know if you're willing. Hey, shut up. I'm talking.

Oh, my God. That's the worst thing you can do. Go ahead. Keep going, Brian. I am just so passionate about Wix, you know, because it is – anybody can do this. You know, it's just drag and drop. It's amazing. And I don't get those phone calls anymore because everybody can do it. If you could do a couple things with your fingers, you can make an awesome website. And if you go to Wix.com slash Tony, you get 10% off any premium plan.

You can start building your website and publish it for free. So once more, join over 150 million people who have built their website using Wix. Go to Wix.com slash Tony to get 10% off any premium plan. That's 10%. You said 15. Wix.com slash Tony. That's 10%. You said 15. Everybody heard it. Everybody heard it. Son of a bitch. 15%. You have

to honor it. I think this is a good time to plug my website. It's tic-tac-toe-toe. Okay. William, did anything else? It's a very competitive website if you're into internet gambling. Yes.

William. You're unbelievable. Heck yeah. Everything you say is so stupid that it's hysterical. You're really hysterical. Sal, can you get me on the show? Sal, will you get me on the show? William, I'm the only one.

Get me on the show! Get me on the show! Sal, get me on the show! Sal, get me on the show Sal, get me on Sal, please I got a lot riding on this I don't want to move back to Memphis I don't want to work at Fraser

I'll tell you what, buddy I can't teach English William, William Look at me I don't pet on dogs William, William, over here me. I don't pet on dogs. William. William, over here. I never, I never do this, and I've never done this, but absolutely not.

Hey, there you go. However, you can go to Wix.com slash Tony, and you'll get 10% off any premium plan. Yeah, this is way better. How about one more time, good and loud, for the great and powerful William Montgomery, everybody. Hell yeah. There he goes, the great William Montgomery. Heck yeah. What do you guys think? Should we go back to this bucket one more time, huh?

The people on the second level didn't clap at all, so I guess that's it, right? Should we go to the bucket one more time? Alright, fine. Fucking people. Put your hands together for your final comedian of the night,

Austin Garcia, everybody. Austin Garcia. Austin Garcia. Austin Garcia. Austin Garcia. Hi, I'm Austin, you'll have to forgive me, I'm a huge introvert so it physically pains me to hear my own name sometimes. Man, woo, here we are.

The bouncer was ruthless. He was like, all right, everyone get against the wall, tightly packed together. I was like, all right, we're doing slave ship comedy tonight. This Me Too movement is crazy. Funny thing about the Me Too movement, Harvey Weinstein was caught on video extorting women for sex, but the first guy to go to jail was a black guy.

But that's okay, I'm glad Bill Cosby went to prison. He's going to be the only father figure those criminals have ever had. Well, you see, Warden, T-Dog is not a bad guy. He's just a little misguided. Oh, man. Okay. Wow. I finish

my sets just like sex, really fast. Less than a minute, apparently. So that's all I got. One more time for Austin Garcia, guys. That's fun. Hell yeah. Taking a break from training with Rocky Balboa to be here tonight. Yes.

This is very exciting, Austin. Big gloves, tiny t-shirt. I like your style. Thank you. Heck yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? Two and a half years. Two and a half years.

All of it in Los Angeles? Yes. All of it here in LA. Is this where you're from? I'm from Connecticut. Connecticut. Yeah, that's why I sound so square. Yeah, for sure. Wow. so square. Yeah, for sure.

Wow. For sure. Yeah, that is a Connecticut thing. Connecticut has some of the most like really just plain people, right? Yes. Notorious for that. What part of Connecticut? Stratford, small town, southern Connecticut. It's a very nice town though, right? Sort of Greenwich-esque. Very nice, yes. What do your parents do? My dad has worked at a carpet store his entire life, and my mom works at the gas company. Oh, wow. And when did these nice white people adopt you?

There you go. There you go. Have you always worn those gloves? What's the reason for the gloves? Fashion or just because... My hands just don't like to be naked. Really? Yeah.

You're just as introverted as I am. Weird thing with your hands. Absolutely. Can we see your hands and see if they're a little weird? Well, no. We don't need to see his hands, Brian. I don't know how great of podcasting that would be. No, it's okay. We don't need to see his body parts, Brian.

So do you do that all the time or just for stand-up comedy? Just for stand-up. Heck yeah. I like that. When did you realize that you don't like your hands exposed during stand-up comedy? Was it a few months in, something like that? I was working at the office, and I was typing on the computer and I was like, you know what?

Fuck these guys. Cover them up. Heck yeah. A real Connecticut rebel. I love it. The only person I've ever met that cannot do a Bill Cosby impression. It's an easy one. It's an easy one.

Well, you'll see. No, no, no. It's unbelievable. It's great. It was great. I thought it was hysterical, but you couldn't do it. It was believably unbelievable.

You're fascinating. The introvert part about you, your regular personality, your resting person, is so interesting to me. I'm trying to figure you out and in a minute I couldn't. You were all over the place with the comedy because you started with the introvert thing and I was like, oh.

And then you went into like Bill Cosby stuff and I was like, I want to hear more specifically about you and you being an introvert. If that helps you in any way. Okay. Wait, what, right now? You know, in life. Just in comedy. The reason you're here tonight.

I didn't always want to be a comedian. I've been an introvert my entire life. And then one day at 25, I had a panic attack that lasted like a week. And I was like, wow, I'm going to die if I don't start living my life. Right on, man. I love that.

I'm going to die anyway, but might as well live my life. No, it is hard enough to get up here. Yeah. It's so, I don't know if the casual person that comes to the patron realizes how nerve-wracking, scared, you probably think about it all week. When you decide you're going to do it, you put your name in there, you're probably sitting in the back, butterflies, to be an introvert on top of that, I really, really applaud you. I commend you.

Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. No doubt about it. I'll tell you what, we're just going to have a quick one with you and we're going to move on to the next one. Sign up again, will you? There he goes, Austin Garcia. Let's do something fun. Okay. We're going to do something fun right now.

As you know, when we do shows on the road, there is a very rare, very rare thing that happens sometimes where if someone absolutely fucking destroys Sal, and if they destroy the interview, and if we find them to be an amazing character, it's only happened, I believe, four, maybe five times in the history of the show. There is a thing that it can be won called the Golden Ticket, which means that any time

that they ever come to the Comedy Store in LA, they get to do a new minute like a regular at the Comedy Store. This guy got it in Phoenix, Arizona. He's made the long drive today. I happen to know for a fact he sent me a message earlier. He came with his mother. Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together for Phoenix's own, the great Tristan Bowling, everyone. Here we go. How we doing, Kill Tony, huh? Yeah! Fuck yeah! A lot of my friends are scared of having daughters. Listen, a lot of them are scared.

They're like, yo, what if she's a slut? You know? Which is progressive as shit, you know? Dude, I don't fucking care. I don't care if my daughter's a slut. As long as she's fucking winners. That's all I want from her. Dude, all I do...

I want my daughter's pussy to look like a Hall of Fame. Just jerseys, you know? You walk in, there's just, like, handprintsprints on basketballs you can try on rings and shit. It's like an NBA zone, dawg. Get an appetizer. It's sick. Dude, it's fucking trill, dawg. That would be so sick.

Dude, I want to text my daughter in the middle of the night. Just be like, yo, baby, where are you? And she sends me a photo just like a dick in one hand and a trophy in the other. And I'm just like, yo, tell Travis I said hey. You know? Okay, I'm the only progressive parent here? Sick. I get it.

Dude, I want my daughter to be swallowing champions. Swallowing. I'm raising a president. All right? Thanks, my name's Tristan. I mean, wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. My motherfucking boy, Tristan Bowling. Again, you know, just one of the coolest things about this show is that I get to take some type of pride

and, in my own mind, a little bit of ownership over finding some of the fucking coolest young comedians around the goddamn country. Every time you've come on this show, you've destroyed your energy and fucking style. I feel like you are what Pete Davidson

wants to be. I mean, my god, if your dad died in 9-11, you'd be so famous right now. It'd be insane. Oh, dude. I wish. I wish. Tower too soon? Oh, dude. I wish. I wish. Tower too soon? Oh, dude. I'm just waiting for a tragedy, dog. I'm just waiting

for a tragedy to propel me up. I'm telling you. I mean, your style is just incredible. You look like a guy that's going hunting in the ghetto. Ross VIP. You are so cool. My mom tell me I look like a SoundCloud rap group. You know what I mean? It tell me I look like a SoundCloud rap group. You know what I mean?

It's like I'm hunting out in the wilderness trying to find elk. That's me, dog. That's me. My mom's here. Give it up for her. Where's she at? Where's my mama? Where's my mama? Can I actually see what your mom looks like?

I can't find my mama. Oh, she's over there. Hey, mama. What's going on? Is she cool? Yeah, she's all right. Yeah. She let me smoke blunts in the car on the way over there. Hey, mama. What's going on? Is she cool? Yeah, she's all right. Yeah. She let me smoke blunts in the car on the way over here, so that's points.

That's points. Hey, mama. That's points. That's points right there. I ain't putting you in a home just yet, bitch. We rolling. Hey, I love that. We rolling together, ride or die.

Dude, that bitch pushed me out. I'm happy about it. I love your style. I mean, you are just so fucking cool. I'm going to ask Sal, what do you think about, before I check in with you, I'm going to check in with Sal. This is your first time

seeing Tristan bowling. Very nice to meet you, by the way. Nice to meet you. I'm just trying to figure you out, man. I'm just trying to, I'm staring at you. I'm trying to, I'm really sizing you up here, buddy. I dress like this everywhere, man. I'm just trying to... I'm staring at you. I'm trying to... I'm really sizing you up here, buddy. I dress like this everywhere, dog. I got dripping head to toe. You can't fuck with me, man. Remind us again how old you are, Tristan. I'm 21.

I just turned 21 last month. Oh, that's right. Yeah. A fun fact about him is he won the golden ticket at the age of 20, and he literally turned 21 two days later, cashed in, made the drive that Monday, one day after you turned 21 or two days after. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And now he's been cashing in so much that we have to think about the rules of the golden ticket. Yeah, I was actually going to wonder. I'm like, how many times are these guys going to let me up here? What the fuck? But I'm glad. You keep doing what you're doing, dude. I promise you I'm not going to limit you until you start bombing. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm trying so hard not you until you start bombing. Oh, yeah, dude.

I'm trying so hard not to eat shit up here. It's fucking terrifying, man. Tristan, is this a stage persona or is this your fashion in everyday life for real? Oh, fashion in everyday life for real, man. Like, my mom knows. I got an extensive closet at home. It's fucked up. I go to Goodwill way too much. Okay.

Yeah, dude, I go there. They know me by name. There's four in my close 10-mile vicinity. We call it the quad. It's sick. Wow. Dude, it's so fucking sick. That sounds crazy, yeah.

Yeah, dude, you can get so much shit. Dude, people are just dying and giving up gold. It's fucking sick in Phoenix, dog. It's so sick. People walk out smelling like memories, dog. It's sick. I'll tell you what so Tony gave you this introduction and I respect him so much It's all like I can't wait for this cuz that's big words from him, you know

Yeah, you came up and I immediately Hated you. Yeah. Yep Yep immediately Immediately, but then I immediately immediately you're like everyone I went to high school with but then I immediately immediately liked you

so like I judged you for a half a second and then you hooked me about 10 seconds in I immediately was just like okay this is like kind of put on and then after 10 seconds I was like I'm a fan I'm a fan I like you a lot thank you man thank you I like to dress myself well. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I mean, it's true. I remember having the exact same thing, which is, I think that's a sign of a lot of the, a lot of, I feel like that's the thing with a lot of great comedians. Sometimes some people just have a vibe where it's like, who the fuck is this guy thinking? Okay. Yeah. Like, I remember, I literally remember saying to you

in Phoenix when I first saw you, like I said something like, you seem like the kind of guy that hates on me on every post on social media. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then six minutes later, I was giving you the fourth ever golden ticket ever given in this show's history

out of thousands of people that have been on the show. And I didn't even have to suck your dick for it. That's true. The other four people still sucking. You can't see them now. They're under. Tony, I also give out golden tickets. Oh yeah?

I'm ready to start swallowing champions tonight. Yeah. What would you do with this young buck? You know, his mom drove him here tonight. What would you do with this young buck? You know his mom drove him here tonight What would you do with this? You want to drop me home? I want to drop you in my pussy right now Wow, Jesus Christ

I want to rebirth you Tristan, what do you think about Janessa? Is this your type of girl over here? Beautiful Take off the towel, what's under the towel? Oh, what's you think about Janessa? Is this your type of girl over here? Beautiful Take off the towel, what's under the towel? Oh, what's under the towel, baby? Wait, what are you covering up? I had to take the sock off, my balls were hurting

Wait, what? I mean my pussy I had a So The front of these bathing suits Are They're very narrow. And so I had this, but it was squeezing my clit.

Oh, God. Stended labial burn. So I had to take that off, but. What kind of clit do you have where a black sock? I got a hanger. So far, you're selling me. You have a hanger of pussy? Oh, my God.

You got the ex like a box truck. Look at that ass. She really was born and raised in California. You can tell. She's got that trademark California girl ass. You could fucking write football plays on it. It's so beautifully flat. My ex used to

project movies onto it. Wow. I mean, when I say I love this fucking episode of Kill Tony, I mean it from the bottom of my goddamn heart. Tristan Bowling, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Follow me on Instagram.

Tristan is a comedian. Everybody goodnight. I love you. Tristan is a comedian. We love him here on Kill Tony. How loud can this place get for the great and powerful Sal Volcano? Look at this drawing from the great Ryan Shea E-Belt, everybody. He did that throughout the show while you sat around laughing.

He made this drawing. Every print of every episode is available at RyanJEbelt.com, including all the famous Kill Tony travel posters and anniversary posters. Sal, you have any dates or anything else coming up we should be on the lookout for? Yeah, I'll plug two things. We have a cruise in February, and that's on sale. Now you can come on a cruise with us. And the Wilbur, Boston's listening. I'm after Wilbur

for a few nights in December. Boston's always listening. We love Boston. And we also have an announcement coming up for our friends over in Boston and Providence and all around the world. Be on the lookout for next week's big touring announcements. How about Chroma Chris leading the front of the band?

The front man, the front man tonight. Look at this guy. What do you think about tonight's episode, Dax? Oh, yeah. It's surely going to be making some waves, Tony. Guys, come on, really? One last time. How loud can you get for Joel Berg, Joel. Guys, come on, really. One last time. How loud can you get for Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez?

He's on social media, mostly sorry. He absolutely annihilated at Skank Fest in a great many ways. And he just finished his first ever Super World Tour with us. Anything else, Joel? I want to thank everybody at Skank Fest, all the staff, everybody. It was such a great time, one of the best times of my life. Thank you. So do we.

I'm telling you, all you diehard comedy fans listening, I've warned you year after year that Skank Fest is the best comedy festival in the world. Truly, Luis J. Gomez is on another level. Christine, Rebecca, Big J, everybody, thank you so much for being so great for comedy. It's an unbelievable thing that I implore all of you to look into. You know, we were hanging out with Bill Burr talked about me and Red Band today on his podcast. I was having a conversation with Louis C.K. about Kill Tony two days ago. Anything can happen.

Be on the lookout. Have fun with yourselves. We love you for coming out. Thank you guys so much. Thank you, guys. Have a great night. Tony. ច្រូវាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបា�ご視聴ありがとうございました you Thanks for watching!