KILL TONY - KILL TONY #375

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Dane Cook, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 07/08/2019 THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: FORHIMS.COM/TONYSC – $20 OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind.

Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Go to our website DeathSquad.tv for every episode we've ever done of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. If you click on tour dates

you can come see us live. In July, we're going to be in Plano, Texas. Then we're going to be in Fort Worth, Texas, followed by a huge show in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. Go to DeathSquad.TV and click on tour dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything Golden Pony.liff.com for everything golden pony ryan j ebelt he's the house artist he draws all the posters he did the kill tony book go to ryanjebelt.com and last but

not least shopsquad.tv there's the official merchandise of kill tony and death squad including hats shirts and mugs go to shopsquad. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band Company live from the famous Comedy Store Main Room for our brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchcliff! My goodness, listen to that. You guys excited to be here at the number one live podcast in the world?

Oh, my goodness. This is a hot Monday night. Brian Redband's here, everybody. Hey, guys, what's up? How exciting. This is a fucking hot crowd right from the get. This is exciting. This is so much fun.

The great Ryan J. Ebelts here. He's going to be drawing this episode tonight. Freshly shaved. Like he does every episode. Those prints are all available. Ryanjebelt.com. He even makes prints for us when we go on the road. He just gave me a stack of Texas posters because we do our first ever Kill Tony in Plano, Texas Wednesday night and then Fort Worth

on Thursday. And then I do an entire weekend of stand-up comedy at the Fort Worth Hyenas, a club which has become one of our favorites. I go back there too often. In fact, I'm going to be doing a lot of crowd work this weekend in order to not repeat jokes from the last time I headlined there four months ago. And then Philly, don't forget, the biggest Kill Tony in our history takes place July 25th in Philadelphia, and then we do one the 26th in Pittsburgh, followed by another weekend of stand-up comedy. How exciting is that? We are just on the road again, like the great Willie Nelson once said, on the road again. And then August 2ndelson once said on the road again and then august second and third we're in fort wayne doing a couple kill tony's some stand-up shows everything there at let's fest i do stand-up comedy by myself in miami florida august 8th through the 10th and west palm

beach florida september 5th through the 7th and red band is headlining san diego august 17th at american comedy company one night only b Brian Red Band in San Diego. And also the Ice House show every first and third Friday at the Ice House. A lot of cool people from this show actually do spots there all the time. That's right. And Kill Tony Mania coming to Sacramento and San Francisco in October. That is our big annual event that features also a bunch of special guests and fun characters from the show. And, you know, it's a lot of fun.

This road's scary, though. You know what I mean? It takes a lot out of you. It gets exhausting. I just turned 35 years old. That's right. 35 years old. I did it on the road.

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And for HIMSS... That's a lot of boner pills I ate. Like 30 a day. Gravy. All right. You could try HIMS for a month today for just $5. We'll get you started for just $5 while supplies last. Prescription products are subject to doctor approval

and require an online consultation with a physician who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. See website for full details and safety information. This could cost hundreds if you went to a person at the doctor's office or the pharmacy. Instead, go to forhims.com slash kill. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash kill. Forhims.com slash kill. All right. You guys ready to start this show or what? We are live at the Comedy Store, the greatest comedy club in the world. I'm one of the top Young Rising comedians in the world. This is the Podfather.

Everything's happening. It's so exciting. And tonight's guest, as always, one of the funniest humans in the world. This is his return. We had so much goddamn fun with him last time he was on the show. We've all been waiting for this night.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the greats, Dane Cook. Wow. Here we go. He's back. Hey, it's the real Dane Cook. It's the real guy. My goodness, he is back.

He's going to Honolulu, Hawaii on the 20th of this month, and he's doing Radio City motherfucking music hall September 14th. That's right. See, dreams come true. So if you get up here tonight, you've got to fucking make it matter, and maybe someday you'll get to Radio City, or maybe you'll work at a gas station. We don't know.

Either or. That's right. I mean, just imagine the possibilities. You heard it here. There is a slight chance that someone pulled out of this bucket might get a chance to open up for dane cook at radio city music hall that's what he said and those are the type of stakes that are on the line tonight his uh his amazing sellout uh tour tell it like it is tickets available dane cook.com for radio City Music Hall. And beautiful Honolulu, Hawaii. What a fucking

life. You're going to Honolulu. I'm stuck in fucking Plano, Texas Wednesday and you're going to goddamn Honolulu, Hawaii. That's a great city if you're a bullet. Dane, I think that a lot of the Kill Tony audience was

Was very pleased with your last Performance we had an absolute blast The way you played along and played With the band was so epic my favorite Moment was that fucking Spit take that you and Jeremiah Had together and I Love that you love the band

Because we love the band it is the best Damn band in the land. Every single episode they commit to getting into different characters, and they stay in those characters. At least they try their hardest every single episode of this show. And I'm going to tell you a little inside scoop. I tried to use the restroom about ten minutes ago back there, and they wouldn't let me,

which usually means they are already getting into character, which is a very good sign that these might be some interesting ones tonight. So let's see what they are tonight. They are the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Chroma Chris, and Joel Berg. Joel Jimenez.

Here we go. Let's see what it is tonight. Whoa! Whoa! Wow! We've seen these guys before. It is the Red Hot Chili Peppers! Wow.

I thought it was my act from the early 2000s. My goodness. This has been a long time since we've seen the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Welcome back. The great Anthony Kiedis is here, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, Anthony. Red Hot!

Wow. Nothing has changed. Over there, we have what appears to be Flea. Is that correct? Hi, Tony. How you doing? Wow. I didn't realize appears to be Flea. Is that correct? Hi, Tony. How you doing? Wow.

I didn't realize that's how Flea talked. Do you have a gap in your teeth? You don't got to bring it up, Tony. Wow. He's a shy little Flea. That's why we don't let him talk too much, man. Wow. And then back here, we clearly have what appears to be Will Ferrell From Eastbound and Down

Hilarious The Univision Univision version Last time you said I was A caramel macchiato It's funny because I almost called you that again I didn't know whether The name's Chad Tony

Chad Smith You are the drummer for... Wow. Three Stooges Larry a little. My goodness, this is incredible. You look like the new Chucky doll from the new Child's Play movie.

But I'm excited that you're here tonight. Chad is the drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. So we have Chad, Flea, Anthony, we have Dane, we have Red Band, me, which leads me to just one thing. It's this, the Bucket of Destiny, ladies and gentlemen.

The thing that makes the whole thing go around. For this amazing sold-out show, we have pre-selected 30 of the luckiest motherfuckers out there, and they are already waiting in the helms for their opportunity. So if I pull their name

out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds to do stand-up comedy uninterrupted. They know their time is up when they hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Seems furious tonight. You guys ready to start the show?

Here we go. It's Kill Tony. Wow. The band sounds good. Excited. What are you playing tonight, Anthony? Ha ha, lead vocals. Wow.

Heck yeah. I bet you have a great voice. Because you look like both Anthony Kiedis and Alanis Morissette right now. Dude, your eyebrows are scaring the shit out of me. There's a lot of space between those things. It's like your mustache, Tony. Yeah, it is. It is. There's space.

All right, this looks like a fun name to get the show started. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Clifford Nagorski. Clifford Nagorski. Here he comes. Here we go. The show has begun. You guys excited to be here tonight?

Can't stop addicted to the shindig. Hey, guys. How you doing? Jesus Christ. Ooh, woos. I love woos. I was on the bus. I'm trying to get sober, guys, and it's not working too well. I gotta tell you. I was on the bus trying to get here, and there was a guy who sat across from me, and he had like no facial expression. Like he must have had a stroke, and had a stroke, but he was a big laugher, so everything was hilarious to him, and he was just...

Jesus Christ! It was horrifying, so I started drinking again as soon as I got off the bus. Have you ever tried to get sober? It's horrifying. I have a friend who's like all into partying sober. And to me that doesn't exist. Who the fuck is sober and just That's insanity. By the time you

have to quit drinking and get sober, you should be fucking broken. There's nothing in life that's fun at that point. It's just, ah, yay. No, nobody's doing that. If you're doing that and you're sober, you're a fucking asshole. And I don't want to be with you.

I'm going to drink and kill myself. Wow. What? There you go. It's worth it. There he goes. Clifford Nick Gorski. This is your first time on the show, right?

Yes. I'd remember you if I saw you. You're right. Yes, you have a very... A drunken, cowardly lion just... Looked like homeless Jason Momoa. Exactly, yes, exactly. Jason Mimosa.

I've been told I have resting... You look like if Aquaman drowned. Exactly. Wow, Joelberg is hot already. Joelberg is Joelberg'd up from the get tonight. Oh, my God. Face the audience so they can see exactly what we're making fun of here. It looks like that man bun is made out of honey buns.

Hey, Anthony Kiedis, landing him big here. I don't know. I think he's a good-looking guy. He looks like a very masculine Mama June. Yeah, yeah. You look like if the Wizard of Oz sold heroin. He does look like that. Your references are spot on.

This is what I expected, by the way. You can't walk around in public looking like this and expect... Especially when you're making fun of guys on the bus' faces. I'm the guy on the bus. And you look like that. You look like the son of a sad undertaker. Are you a janitor when you're not doing stand-up? Yeah, there was...

Nobody will hire me. When he did an act out, for those of you just listening to the podcast, there was a lot of keys jingling. Nobody will hire me. When he did an act out, for those of you just listening to the podcast, there was a lot of keys that jingled. A lot of keys. Yeah, and I don't own anything either. I don't have a house, a car, or anything in the world. But somehow I have a million keys.

What do those keys go to? I think they're all of my past life. They're almost like memorabilia at this point. Oh, you're one of those guys. I used to have a car. I used to have a bike lock. I used to have a house key. So let's talk about it, Clifford.

How long? But not anymore. Whose house did you have a key to? It was my ex-wife's. You have an ex-wife? Well, yeah, obviously. Okay, we have a lot to talk about here. Yeah, we do.

Let's get it going. Let's get right into it. So how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? And heroin. Stop it, girl. Mama, I've been only like eight months. Eight months. Very good.

Hey, I like to call people mama. Yeah. It's okay. Let's not pay that mama too much attention. The singer of Stain doesn't like mama. Your mama didn't pay you much attention. Let's not pay that. Exactly.

Oh, that's the sad part. No, no, but it's true. What is it? Mother's Day or something? It was highly accurate. That was highly accurate. Okay, let's talk about it, Clifford no, but it's true. What is it, Mother's Day or something? It was highly accurate. That was highly accurate. Okay, let's talk about it, Clifford. So eight months, how old are you?

I'm 37. 37, wow. Oh, wow, you look like a dead body I found under the bridge. Is that Anthony Kiedis or John Travolta? All right, all right. You let us do the jokes, Clifford. But you asked me here to do jokes. All right, no, no, jokes part's over. But you asked me here to do jokes. All right.

Now I'm told not to do jokes. Jokes part's over. Now I just need the truth. Okay. So how do you survive? How long have you been in Los Angeles? My whole life. I grew weed for a long time.

No shit. Yeah, exactly. I'm a bum. As far as the state of California is concerned, I've been a bum for eight years. Right. Okay. And it's no different now. So how do you make a living? I used to grow weed for a while. Yeah, got that. Yeah. Well,

basically that's it. And then I do some construction stuff. Paper? Yeah, just handyman shit. What kind of construction stuff? Paper? I can do... I can do, like... Construction paper? I'm not good at it.

You know what sucks is people ask me. My friends try to help me, and I don't know how to do anything good enough to actually do the job they're trying to help me do. They're like, oh, I need a guy to do some drywall. Right. And I don't know how to, but... Okay, okay.

Slow it down a little bit, Clifford. Slow it down. So what's the last thing you got paid to do, for example? and I don't know how to. Okay, okay. Slow it down a little bit, Clifford. Slow it down. So what's the last thing you got paid to do, for example? Today. Uh-huh. Today I helped a friend move an icebox into their house. Oh.

You mean a refrigerator. Well, no, it's called an icebox. I was realizing that, too, but it's an old-timey icebox. It's a box. So, no, I don't mean refrigerator. Where they put bodies. Yeah, exactly. Like Ted Bundy. Uh-huh.

So how much did she pay you for that? $25. $25? Wow, she threw a $5 bill on top of that $20. Look at that. That's almost not even worth the hassle. I'm just giving you a $20 and said, go fuck yourself. Right?

So you do little side jobs like that. Are you like a task rabbit or? No, they won't have me. No one will have me. Why? DUIs? Too many DUIs. How many DUIs do you have?

Two. Uh-huh. Dude, one was on a moped. Uh-huh. Coming down the driveway of my own home. They got you on a moped coming down your own driveway? Yeah, it wasn't even working. My goodness, how's that possible?

They were just waiting for you. I think it was the last day. I just completed a DUI class, my first DUI. And my girlfriend bought me a moped so I can get around town. Yeah. And I was trying to make the thing work. It's stupid. How can I make drunk driving unsafer?

Exactly. Uh-huh. So then they got you at the end of your driveway. They're just like, wow, look at this idiot coming. Yeah, they just got my... And they put it on the tow truck, and they bent the muffler. It was sad. Wow.

Best in peace. So, Clifford, what else about you? What do you do for fun? I'm a musician. You're a musician. What instrument do you play? I sing, I play guitar, I play drums. You play drums?

Really? Is that true? I don't know if we want to. I know that he's an incredible drummer. I know that I can beat him in a battle. If you don't think you can beat him, then we shouldn't even try. Way to take the air out of it,

Clifford. My God. Clearly you play drums as well as you tell jokes. You gotta be humble. Is that what you're saying? Are you being humble? We don't like humble here on Kill Tony We want somebody to say Let's do it You would have been better off saying

I want to take that Mexican's job No, I wouldn't dream of it I don't know Do you guys want to see a Mexican drum off? You do? Yeah I mean, this is a show of the people For the people

I think we should give Clifford a shot This is a Mexican drum off. Let's do it. Now, for those of you that might not know how this works, he actually has a chance to become the new full-time drummer on Kill Tony. This would mean that he would take Joel's job and Joel would take his, which means Joel would basically have to do nothing forever and barely get paid for it. So with that said, here's a drum solo.

Remember, Clifford, any part of the performance helps. It's not just about drums. It's about likability and overall showmanship. But here he is with his first ever drum solo. This is a Mexican drum off. It's Clifford and McGorski. Wow. I like pretty good. Very jazzy. Very solid. Wow.

This guy's good. Hear that? That's the sound of waves crashing on a beach. And that? That's the sound of ice clinking in your favorite drink. The secret to making your retirement dreams come true is simple. Lower your investment fees. If your retirement savings are in high-fee mutual funds, you could be losing a lot of your money to those fees.

With Quest Wealth Portfolios, your investments are managed for you at a fraction of the cost. So you can earn more and make your retirement dreams come true. Get started today at Questrade.com. Oh, the old head scratcher. My goodness, Clifford, I think you surprised everybody. He played it humble, then he did a drum solo. So, Clifford, I mean, you know how this works.

You gave a good drum solo. He kept all of his clothes on. He scratched his head towards the end. He probably maybe lost some points for that. Yeah, that was a craps. It sort of didn't really pop at the end. And so I present to you, here to defend his throne, he's all-time undefeated in Mexican drum-offs.

He's never lost. He's known for doing anything possible to make the crowd go crazy. I present to you the one and only Joel Berg! He's got the dildo! He's got the dildo! He's wearing... I told these fucking losers I keep that thing on me. You better watch your ass. Oh, my God. He's wearing some type of women's sexual outfit.

I don't know. Yeah, it looks like Paula Abdul shit or something. Yes, he's wearing Paula Abdul shit or something. Yes, he's wearing Paula Abdul shit, a massive purple dildo. We've seen this dildo before. It has won him battles at the Gramercy Theater and all over the world. Ladies and gentlemen,

I present to you the defending champion Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Oh, my God. By God, he hit the cymbal with a dildo. Wow. He jumped over it. He's slithering across the floor. Oh. He's squirting everywhere.

Butthole in the air. Oh, we've seen this move before. He's circling the drum. The 360 flip-off. He's shaking his dildo. Oh, my God. He made him shake his dildo. He made him shake his dildo. Oh, my God. He made him shake his dildo. He made him shake the dildo.

The symbol lick. He's coming back out again. He's coming out again. I don't think he's done. A cartwheel. A full-blown cartwheel. His hat falls off. He's beating it with his hands.

All right. All right. Bring it to a close, Joel. There it is. Oh, my God. That was insane. For those of you just listening to the podcast, for those of you that for some reason still don't know to watch,

at one point his opponent reached out as an offering of peace for a handshake, and Joel forced him to shake his purple dildo. Unbelievable. You just can't beat that. How many of you have Clifford Nagorski winning that Mexican drum off? How many of you have Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez winning that thing? Wow. That's...

Wow. Go fuck yourself! That is how you get a sponsorship by Ludwig Drums. How about one more hand for Clifford Nagorski, everyone? There he goes. He's on social media at

Robbie Clifford with a K. That was beautiful. Clifford's a K. My God. That was beautiful. Clifford's going to be on the bus tomorrow like, what the fuck happened to me last night? Why does my hand have crabs? Yeah, he is, I mean, wow.

That was incredible. He was humble, but he just got humbled. My goodness. So here we go. Let's keep this fun train moving along. You guys having fun out there yet? That was a real Mexican drum off. You just can't beat that. Sometimes you get them, sometimes

you don't. We're starting off the show with one tonight. Put your hands together for your next comedian. Getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds, she goes by the name of Karen Bricey, or Bricey perhaps. Karen Bricey. Briceky perhaps. Karen Briceky. Briceky.

I hear you. If you want these kind of dreams, it's Californication. How about one more time for Karen Briceky, everyone. Hi, Comedy Store. You guys are awesome. I appreciate being here. Recently I got a dog, and he's really fucking cute.

And I am so happy that he wants to be wherever I am at all times. Even when I'm fucking my girlfriend. even when I'm fucking my girlfriend, he just sits right beside us, panting, which is weird, so I stop fucking my girlfriend, and I move him because staring into the eyes of a dog while you're banging your girlfriend is not, like, that awesome. But then he's, like, tenacious,acious and he comes back and he's like, I just want to be wherever you guys are. So he plops his butt right back on top of us again,

which is like, okay, we could not be paying attention, but it's like the weasel under the the table and my time's running out but basically I moved him I moved him he came back and then he walked all up my back while I was banging her and I was like fuck hell yeah Karen Briski Briski or Briski

lesbian masturbation welcome to the show lesbian masturbation masturbation Welcome to the show, Karen. Lesbian masturbation Karen. Lesbian masturbation Lesbian masturbation I cannot believe the Red Hot Chili Peppers are here tonight.

This is as wild as it gets. Karen, welcome to the show. This is your first time on the show. Yeah, it's my first time. You have an awesome delivery. I love your style. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? A year.

One year. Heck yeah. You have an adorable little voice. Meanwhile, you are clearly the alpha lesbian. It's so... You sound like you'd be the beta lesbian, but your look says you're fucking, you're probably the second comedian on this stage tonight

that's had a purple dildo in your hand today. That's my guess. Is that true? I feel like your fanny pack doubles as a strap-on. Yeah. Hello. your fanny pack doubles as a strap-on. Yeah. Hello.

I mean, it's just a normal looking white variety dildo. Oh, normal white dildo? It's like a flesh white? Is it like bright white or like flesh, like the color of white people? Flesh colored. Yeah. How about the tip? Is the tip the same color

as the base? No. It's red hot. Yeah. How about the tip? Is the tip the same color as the base? It's red hot. Yeah. No. So one year doing stand-up.

Have you lived in L.A. the whole time? No. Where'd you start? Chicago. Is that where you're from? Yeah, I'm from Chicago. Heck yeah, you're from Chicago. Very good.

And how long did you do it there for? Just a few months. And so you've lived there for? Just a few months. And so you've lived here for? Like nine months. That's so fun. What's your living situation? You live with your girlfriend? Yeah.

And she came out here with you from Chicago? She moved out here first. Nice. What'd she do? Fashion designer. Wow, clearly you don't get high on her supply. I mean, you just straight up, you just stay you.

You just do you. You do not let that girl influence you whatsoever. Unless, of course, she designed that from the Roseanne Barr line of... Karen looks like all the Peanuts characters drawn into one. On the red carpet, they're like, who are you wearing? You're like Meg Griffin.

Damn. Joelberg. That joke was brought to you by Caveman Coffee. Wow. Joelberg is relentless tonight. I love it. So, Karen, you look like a Karen, and you act like a Karen. Let me just tell you that.

So tell us more about you. How do you make a living? Personal assisting. Personal assistant. Really? What kind of assisting do you do? Minnie Mouse. What?

I'm Minnie Mouse's person? I'm Minnie Mouse's personal... I am Mickey Mouse. Minnie Mouse's personal assistant. No, I worked for this woman, Rhonda, and... Oh. Oh, I know Rhonda. Yeah. Rousey?

Jewish woman. Last name Rousey, perhaps? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Do you really work with Rhonda Rousey? Oh, no, no, no. Oh.

I thought you meant... Because I would believe that she would have like a little tough yet sensitive lesbian assistant. Like a hand puppet. I feel that. That's very Ronda Rousey. Head movement. Now, Karen, a very adorable set.

You have an amazing delivery. You got right into fucking your girlfriend. Is that all true, that you have a dog? Yeah. How old's your dog? He's two. Two years old. Did he come from Chicago, too?

No, Arizona. You got him in Arizona? Yeah. You just got him on the way here? No. We went to visit my girlfriend's parents, and we were getting sad, so we got a dog. Your girlfriend's parents cool? No.

No? Do they not like you? They're awesome. They just work out a lot, and I don't, and it makes me feel body shame when I'm there. Aw, is that true? They don't do it to me. I'm just like, fuck, like, all those cheeseburgers I've been eating in L.A.

Can't stop addicted to the Fun Dip. That was good. That was on point. That was exactly. So the parents body, they unconsciously body shame you. They're out there cutting weight while you're scissoring their daughter.

Yeah. My goodness. They're out there cutting weight while you're scissoring their daughter. Yeah. My goodness. They're out there eating healthy while you're eating her out. All right. You've been a lesbian your whole life? No. You've been with a man before? Yeah.

How long, how long did you side To take it from the other side Wow. I don't I don't believe your game You're sucking their cock like every single day Now don't, don't believe you're gay That is incredible.

Anthony Kiedis, for some reason, does not believe that you're gay. He's from a different time. This is not the thoughts of the Kill Tony show it's Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers the actual guy wow so I mean it is a good question Anthony brings up how long have you

been gay how long how long have you been gay please tell me this today How long, how long have you been gay? All right, all right. Please tell me this today. All right, all right, Anthony. All right, all right.

Two years. Did a guy force you? Did they kind of push you to be gay? You had a really bad relationship, so you were like, fuck that. Were you with a douchebag, the last guy that you were with? No. She saw Red Band at a bus stop. She's like, yep, I'm gay.

with? Something like that. She saw Red Band at a bus stop. She's like very belittling to me. No, I think you're funny. You're very funny. Wow. Oh, man, that was not from the heart at all. No, this is my tone. I'm monotone.

I like your style, Karen. That is so fun. So do you and your girl, you guys like L.A. compared to Chicago, or you sort of miss it because it's like cold and shitty there and there's a lot of time to just stay in and like fuck and stuff? Totally. Totally. I miss Chicago, but I don't miss the weather. Right. Right.

I miss the way you can walk around without walking in pee in Chicago. You're saying there's more pee in Chicago? No, more pee in LA. More pee in Chicago. You're saying there's more pee in Chicago? No, more pee in L.A. More pee in L.A.? That's interesting. So you live between like Vine and uh... In Lilith Fair.

Somewhere between Vine and Lilith Fair. So you live east of Vine, right? I live east L.A. East L. LA, yeah. That would definitely qualify as pee-covered Los Angeles. There's pee everywhere, huh? You ever just pee

just to fucking, you're like, there's already pee, I gotta pee, fuck this. Just in the shower. Oh, wow. When my girlfriend's already peeing,

I'm like, all right. When your girlfriend starts peeing, you pee too. You guys are like little dogs at the dog park. You're peeing, I'm like, all right. When your girlfriend starts peeing, you pee too. You guys are like little dogs at the dog park. You're peeing, I'm peeing, buddy. Let's do this together. My dog park people are laughing hard at that one.

Wow. Any fun hobbies or anything that we should know about you? Any special skills or talents? I send out a newsletter. And if you'd like to get it, I'd love to send it to you. Wow. How do people, what's your newsletter about? Anything I want.

It's me things. I write about Janelle Monae. I write about how Janelle Monae preached to not bang dudes. She's like, we should have a sex strike. And I wrote about how she said this but then in Liberia the women of Liberia had a sex strike in 2003. Through their movement

they created peace in their country. It led the way to like a female president. I don't like anything that you're talking about right now. None of it. None of it's making me happy. I don't like the sex strike.

I don't like the female president. And why a newsletter? I know you like it when a woman has her finger on the button, but... We got a boring lesbian on stage. She's got a newsletter. She's going to send it to you today. I don't know. Hey, I got a question.

Do you always put on work boots before you eat pussy? You're so fun. I love... Eating pussy work boots. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. You have a great sense of humor, Karen. You're fun. I think you're absolutely built for this.

How much time do you think you have, if you had to guess? Like, minutes altogether. You've only been doing this a year. You're from Chicago. What's the longest set you've ever done stand-up comedy-wise? Five minutes. Five minutes.

Hell yeah. Well, fucking keep killing it. You have a great sense of humor. You know? You're talking about the real stuff. Is there anything fun in your... I get in trouble now if I don't ask this because we used

to have a segment on this show called What's in That Fanny Pack. Is there anything fun in your fanny pack that you'd be able to pull out and share with us right now? Maybe a newsletter? Oh no. I mean it's on my phone. If I had your email I could email it to you. Oh heck yeah. For real.

It's anonymous at yahoo.com. That's not true. I'm poop at AOL. That's not true, but I did find you on Instagram. Oh, you did? Yes. Wow. How did you figure that out? You didn't say you were a detective. Let's be a detective. Don't know what it is.

Looking at it now, let's be a detective. Where's the pussy? Yeah. All right. Red hot chili. I think we're stretching it out a little bit over there. Well, you know, Karen, I like your style. Please sign up again and come back and do a different minute.

Anything else for Karen, guys? Anything? I don't know. I don't know. and do a different minute. Anything else for Karen, guys? Any, anything? I don't know. I don't know. It's that thing where it's like somebody gets up there and you just feel like you're rooting for them

and even though like, you know, structurally you got a lot to work on, like, I like you. I want to see you do well. Yep. You have a priceless likability and delivery.

You just got to keep writing and taking chances. Sign up. Do another minute sometime. Karen Bryski, everybody! Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew! Oh, we're having fun tonight.

Lesbian masturbation! Yeah! This is a fun show. We're having fucking fun in here. She kind of had a little Esther vibe or medium Esther or something like that. Yeah, something like that. I pulled another name. You have a mo-Lester vibe.

This band is out of control. How about a hand for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, guys? These guys, I don't even know what Red Band and I showed up for tonight. You guys are fucking stealing it. I love it. Let's keep it going. Put your hands together for 60 seconds uninterrupted for Joel Malams, everyone. Joel Malams.

From the back corner. Here we go. From the luckiest spot. Here he comes. Here he comes. He seems to be walking for his first time. And I try to win my life to just get high on When I'm still alone, I'm gonna get alone But I know myself sometimes Step on the road and I fall to the sky And I do believe that we rely on When I lay down, come and I play it on

Come on guys, put your hands together for Joel Mala Hey yo Aloha I'm here today because I enjoy smoking reefer Aloha. I'm here today because I enjoy smoking reefer and tobacco and doing other substances. And my parents are Roman Catholic. And I was at home. I was trying to save up some money. I got the boot about eight months ago and packed up my things into my VW

Golf, took out the front passenger seat. It's a house hybrid, I like to call it, and boogied on down here to San Clemente. That's where I found myself, and I now work at a liquor store. Shout out to Fred's Market. And gotta be there in the morning. So yeah, I'm the guy that gets to check everybody out and see the 30-year-olds buying booze, and I get to tell them insufficient funds.

Thank you. Have a great night, everyone. Wow. Joel Malams. Hell yeah. I like your fucking style, dude. You're wearing the liquor sweatshirt. You really love your work. You are like... You are like a modern day...

You're like an old stoner in a young stoner's body. You're like the youngest Vietnam vet we a young stoner's body. You're like the youngest Vietnam vet we've ever had on the show. You're like a funny slender man. It's like Stranger Things took place in Silicon Valley. My goodness. Well, welcome

to the show, Joel. That was a really fun set. How long have you been doing stand up first time wow wow wow wow this is where the fucking magic happens dude probably one of the strongest sets

of the night probably the strongest so far and you're a goddamn first timer you had everything that everybody else had. A fun delivery, likable fucking style. Are you on Karen's newsletter? Fucking man, it's like wildfire. Everybody's

fucking... I can't believe she told me I'd like her newsletter. I know I look like Rachel Maddow, but... I didn't even know newsletters were still a thing. You could still do newsletters. I needed a newsletter to let me know that newsletters were still a thing. Seinfeld, newsletter, newsletter.

All right, so let's talk with Joel up here. Clearly a very interesting looking guy. He says that he drinks, smokes, does a lot of other substances. Clearly none of them creatine or steroids. He's very lanky. You look like if Kevin Nealon was an amateur skateboarder. You have

giant arms, giant shoulders, and this tiny head on top of this whole fucking thing. It's like a cherry on top of a sundae. Yeah, it's crazy. You have that fucking... You say sundae. It's crazy. You have that fucking... You said sundae pretty weird, man.

You said sundae, man. My goodness, Joel. Say it again. Say it again. Say it again now. Sundae? Man, you put that weird accent on there. Sundae? You go Sunday? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I say Sunday different than Sunday. I don't do, like, the day of the week. I say Sunday. Like a question. I put a little question mark at the end. Hey, would you like a chocolate sundae? All right. Let's get back to the show.

So, Joel, how old are you? 32. No, stop it. What? There's get back to the show. So Joel, how old are you? 32. No, stop it. What? There's a different Joel up here. This Joel, Joel Mallows. 27. 27 years old.

What size waist do you have? That's a good question. You're so thin and white, if you lay down, someone would snort you. Booyah. It is incredible. You really are like this. You are like what people think that people from California are like.

That's what you look like. California! You're like Joel Polstein. Yeah. Skinny like a pole, looks like Joel Polstein. You have a look on your face like you've survived the last week off of only edibles. So, Joel, where did you come from again? Whitefish, Montana is my hometown.

Whitefish, Montana. Whitefish? The last comedian loves the taste of whitefish. Yes! The last comedian loves the taste of white fish. So, Joel, how long have you lived in San Clemente? About nine months now. About nine months. So you drove down from Whitefish in your VW Golf, and you just fell in love with San Clemente,

and you stayed there, and you started looking for jobs. Am I close to right? Is there a reason why you stuck it out with San Clemente, and you stayed there, and you started looking for jobs. Am I close to right? Is there a reason why you stuck it out in San Clemente? Yeah, I was drawn to San Clemente because it's more of a surfer town. You surf. No, I don't, but it has. I'm learning. I'm learning.

I had a feeling. He has every surfer trait except for the fucking board. Do you skateboard? Except for the calves. You do skateboard? Yes. I grew up skiing. You have your own skateboard?

I do, yes. You brought it with you in the Gulf. Yes, it's in there. So you went to San Clemente because it's got that surfer vibe. It's more of a small town. That's why I was drawn to it. Yeah. You buy your pot from an actual drug dealer.

You get it in, like, baggies and shit. You seem like you're the last guy in California that has a bag of pot. It's like, hey, want to smoke some of this? I'm going to break it up and roll my own joint in. I got fucking stems and shit in this, dude. I got to remove the seeds. I get the fucking, I ask for bad weed because that's just how I fucking like it, dude. You don't ever know if it's going to get you high or not, and that's half the fun.

Have you smoked resin lately? Are you cleaning out your bowl and making a little blob and putting it on a pencil? Have you? Did you do that? No. No. I mean, I like to have nice grayed bud. And it's interesting you mentioned that.

What did you say? Well, I like to smoke good bud. You do like to smoke good bud. Right. Uh-huh. Are you a cop from the 50s? Sure do like to smoke some of that. This guy's wider than snow.

I will give you $1,000 if you can do the entire Napoleon Dynamite dance from the end of the movie. Oh, shit. Because I think you can fucking do it, man. $1,000 on the line. Do you know how to do it? $1,000. I don't know where it is. Oh, he doesn't know it.

I don't know it. I thought he knew it. That's worth $1. So close. That's at least 75 cents worth of that dance. Wow. So, Joel, you're in San Clemente. You're working at Fred's Liquor Store, Fred's Market there in San Clemente.

You ever have any crazy things happen to you at the store? You ever have to, you know, ward somebody off with a broomstick or something like that? Mostly trying to catch IDs of younger kids. Yeah. Why do I feel like Fred's Market doesn't have a produce section? We don't. They don't. You nailed it.

So nothing crazy's ever happened there? We get some crazies in there. Sorry, I'm just trying to think of something. How about in your normal life? You have a girlfriend? No girlfriend right now. No girlfriend right now. You seem sad about that. Got really sad there. You seem sad about that.

Got really sad there. It's been a while. How long has it been? It's been... Red band. That guy looked at me like I sang that. How long has it been, Joel? About three years. Wow, three years.

Have you been on a date or anything like that? Yeah, why didn't LaFonda leave, man? What? Never mind. So why has it been three years? You've been on dates? What's going on? A little bit shy with the ladies?

Nothing's happened, honestly. I'll try Tinder and Bumble once in a while. I did go on a Bumble date on the 4th of July, but it just didn't work out. You went out on the 4th of July on a date? It didn't work out? What a weird day to go on a date. Like, hey, you doing

anything tomorrow? What about July 5th, dude? You have no schedule whatsoever. Did you get drunk at least? Sorry? Did you get drunk at least? Yes.

I mean, well, yeah. How did it not have to do with anything? It went okay. She ended up bringing four other friends with her. Oh. Four. Exactly. Vegas. Vegas. Vegas. Oh, my god.

Alright, alright. She brought four other friends with her? Was that part of the plan? Did you know she was gonna do like, hey, can I bring fucking a basketball team worth of people with me? The starting five? I was thinking, you know, it's the 4th of July. I have four friends.

Why not? Right, I was hoping for one-on-one. Of course you were hoping one-on-one. Instead, you had fucking zero-on-one. Yes. Wow. Where did you guys go? To the fireworks.

We ended up going to the beach, and they also do these races in San Clemente where people make... By races in San Clemente, you mean white people. Yes. I don't know what you would call them exactly, but certain people make things and put wheels on them, and then they all go down the street. Go-karts? Soapbox? Like a derby. Yeah, exactly. Right. You don't look a derby. Like a soapbox derby. Yeah, exactly.

Right. You don't look like you would know what a soapbox is. I just stand on one. Wow. So she brought four friends and then, so how does it end at the end of the night? Does she give you like a kiss on the cheek or something like that? We ended up hugging and she said...

Hugging? Hugging. That's adorable. So adorable. That's fucking cute. To answer us honestly... He gave her... Okay. He got a hug. Okay, thank you.

He got a hug, then he got a boner. He got a hug, then he got a boner. Then he went home and drank it all off. Drank it to the bathroom all night long.

Thinking of the four girls that he didn't get with. Oh my God, I think I shit this. Oh. Oh my God. The crowd loves it. Joel, Joel, over here.

How long, to answer honestly, how long has it been since you kissed a girl on the lips? Three years? No, I, about six months. Oh, okay. I was about to make someone kiss you tonight, and then you fucked it up, and you ruined it for the entire show.

Yo, we got a girl that might not be gay in the house tonight. Who was this girl six months ago? This was actually a Tinder date. Wow, Tinder date. How many of her friends did you have to kill before you got that kiss? Have you thought of anywhere else meeting people besides

Tinder? That's really hard to find anyone left over that gross bucket. Maybe bars or libraries or beaches. Yes. The old library hookup.

Redband is his finger on the pulse of society. Tinder. You could hook up in a library. Tinder, what about library, huh? A lot of cam girls. What about one of those Sodipop stores? You ever think about having sex with a local mailman, huh? All right, Joel. Well, I mean

fucking fun performance, dude. I'm telling you, for a first-timer, probably one of the best first-time sets in the history of the show. Please, please, please come back and sign up again. We need to follow up on you. We want to hear a new minute. Let's do it

again. How do you feel? I would love that. Thank you so much. Heck yeah, you got it. Joel Mallows, ladies and gentlemen. Joel Mallows. J-O-E-L-M-A-L-L-A-M-S. This is his first time on Kill Tony. So cool.

Got the night on Tinder and it doesn't get a blowjob later. He's gotta go. He's gotta go get a blowjob later. He's gotta go. He's gotta go get a blowjob. Wow. Look at that. There's a girl following him out.

Oh, there's two girls. Oh, no. Ooh. Wow. They both disappeared. They just went to the restroom. Yeah, they're taking a shit. Oh, my goodness.

All right. Well, this is a fun time so far. Put your hands together for your next comedian. Goes by the name of Camden Pace. Camden Pace. Here we go. What I got to got to give it to your mama.

What I got to got to give it to your papa. What I got to got to give it to your daughter. You do a little dance and you drink a little water. What I got to got to get it, put it in you. One more time for Camden Pace, everybody. So I'm a simple country boy from Georgia.

I talk a little slow. Doesn't mean I'm stupid. Just means I'm not in a hurry. Now, I've had to leave a few places in a hurry. Had to leave Georgia in a real hurry. Neighbor comes over to my house one night, bam, bam, bam. Hey, man, you need to get that truck out of the front yard. It's been sipping on blocks for a month.

I said, well, it's a project. I get around to it when I feel like it. He said, well, it's an eyesore. And I said, well, hell, so is your wife, Travis. You know better. We're not zoned to free-range cattle, but there she goes, walking down the road again. So sure enough, next day I go to get the mail,

open the mailbox. He got kissed on the knuckles by a rattlesnake. And that is what you call a country love letter. So I had to get the hell out of Georgia and come out over here. But I love you people. Keep to yourself. Mind your own business. It's cool out here.

But you eat really different. See, we deep fry everything in the South. Everything from lobster tails to Little Debbie's. And it's good for you. Makes you feel happy. All right. All right.

All right. Hello. Welcome to the show. Camden Tate's good old down south fucking country cooking. How's it going, my friend? How are you? Good. Good.

Thank you, Tony. Good. Take that mic out of the mic stand so you don't have to lean over like that every time you answer a question. You are absolutely adorable. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is my second time. Second time ever on stage. And he's already got all the style of Jay Leno.

The way two different types of denim. Where in the south are you from? I am actually from Georgia. From Georgia. Heck yeah. Isn't that sweet. And what are you doing in Los Angeles? I came out here as an actor and stunt performer.

Oh, how long ago did you move out here? I've been here four months. Four months. And how's acting and stunt performing going? It's going pretty well. I'm lucky. I've been fortunate. I just have to chalk it up to luck.

But yeah, I got my nose above water so far. I love it. Who are you a stuntman for? Like Jimmy Kimmel's cousin Sal or something like that? Yeah, I was going to say he looks exactly like him. Some type of like Jay Moore perhaps? I usually do stunt driving. I've done fight scenes, but I'm a stunt driver.

One of my favorite movies, Death Proof, is about a stunt driver, Kurt of my favorite movies, Death Proof, is about a stunt driver. Kurt Russell. You know that movie? Not too familiar with it, but yeah. You think that you're in the stunt business and that you're a stunt driver and you've never seen Death Proof? You've got to watch that tonight. It's amazing. I can't

afford cable or TV. Wow. Still, it's on YouTube. Oh my goodness. I like this guy's style. What can you afford? I'm doing really well right now just to get the laundry cleaned in the laundromat. Fuck yeah. But we're having fun. I like the fact that how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

I turned 50 this year. You turned 50. I love it. You look great for 50, man. And you just moved out here. I love that you made the big move to L.A., a real country guy. And so what are some of the most abrupt changes that you noticed? You just avoid Santa Monica Boulevard altogether?

You know, honestly, Atlanta traffic's worse. Really? Than out here. I've told people that. I was talking about you avoiding gay people. No, I can't help it. I attract them. You attract them?

Yeah. Really? I'm a gay magnet. They ever try to hook up with you? Yeah, they've tried. Yeah? How does that work out for them? It doesn't work.

Really? It don't work? No, it doesn't work. Really? Okay, let's try it. I'll pretend to be a gay man. This is what everybody's always wanted. Yo, this is going to be a huge stretch right here, y'all. Let Tony prepare for a minute. Okay, so I'll be a gay man. This is what everybody's always wanted. Yo, this is gonna be a huge stretch right here, y'all. Let Tony prepare

for a minute. Okay, so I'll be a gay guy. I'm gonna hit on you. Ready? Okay. Hey, what's up you little country boy? Golly gee, uh, alright, settle down. This is the thing. Wow, golly gee, man, I've always liked a boy with a country accent. What do you say we go

butt fuck? I'll make you squeal like a pig. Wow. All right. Well, let's fucking do this then. It seems like that would go pretty well if a guy hit on you. Is that what you do to get them back? You threaten to make them squeal like a pig?

Hey, man, you keep that up. I'll make you cum everywhere. Yeah. My goodness. I don't know where that came from. No, I think you know exactly where that came from. That came from that fucking country dick you got there between that leg. Hell yeah, that good old fucking John Deere joystick down there.

That fucking Golly G. Witherspoon. The old fucking flying potato. The fuck? Yeah. My ass is death proof. Wow. So you do some acting. You do some stunt work.

What else? What do you do for fun? What are some hobbies? Any special skills or talents that you do? You seem like the kind of guy that knows how to fucking. I do. I do improv. I'm kind of a little bit of a nerd. I do sketch.

I write sketch comedy and stuff like that. That's something I'm getting into now. I used to do a lot of hunting and fishing, but I haven't really gotten into that out here yet. Right, right. It's called murder out here with the hunt. Yeah. Wow.

Red Hot Chili Pepper Band. Look at that. So, I mean, there must be other things. What's your living situation like? What was your living situation in Georgia? Pretty much like I described. It was out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, you had what?

The house that you were raised in or something? It was just family house, family property out there on the lower 40. A lot of land? Yeah. And now what's your living situation? Living right on Reseda Boulevard in a one-bedroom, and it's really a change. Yeah? What kind of like, do you have like art on your walls?

Do you have like a cowboy hat hanging up up there? What do you got? Give us a description. It's pretty damn Spartan. I mean, I'm a minimalist. Yeah, I don't have much. I don't even know what Spartan means. It's where you get your furniture from Camel Miles, right?

I hardly have any furniture. I am truly... What do you have? So what would we see if we walked into your apartment? If you walk into my apartment, you're going to see an air mattress and a printer. Wow. Damn, Aphrodite's pussy just dried up. That's scary.

Even she groaned at that one. She's like, a printer? Yuck. He is great. I can't even scan. I had to scan stuff today and had to go to FedEx to do that. Wait, what did you have to go to FedEx for? I had to scan documents because my printer

doesn't have a scanner. Don't you have a cell phone? I do. Well, there you go. Hey, Red Band, do you have any fire crackling sound effects, like a fireside? Like a what? I feel like he could say anything, and it would be interesting, just like the way he talks.

Ah, yes. Camp fire sound. This is going to be very interesting. Do some improv. Yeah, do some improv while we bring up the intro. Can I have a word from the audience? Chair! I'm hearing chair.

Oh my goodness. There's a guy that was dying to be asked for a suggestion. He's waiting for this moment. So I went by this flea market and I saw this chair. Decided to throw this chair in the back of my truck and take it home. And it was quite a comfortable chair. It's one of those captain's chairs you see in those seafood restaurants. And I was sitting there watching the Braves play one night.

In my comfortable armed leatherback kid leather chair right there in SunTrust Park on the 4th of July. I was laying three to one odds on my Braves. They came through for me and let me tell you something. I can't begin to tell you how much i loved knocking back that whole 12th pack of beer in my brand new chair i got at the flea market right there in pendergrass georgia where they sell little sugar gliders and everything else from the tropical rainforest and smuggle them into the country through georgia god wow that was incredible. That was very impressive. You need that sound everywhere you go. You need the sound of a campfire playing with you.

Anthony Kiedis. You'll always be able to say Anthony Kiedis. Helped you out. Get a little Bluetooth speaker, put it in your pocket or something. You are a gay magnet. Yeah. That should be your album. Yeah, Gay Magnet. Gay Magnet by Camden Pace. You are a gay magnet. Yeah. That should be your album. Yeah.

Gay magnet. Gay magnet by Camden Pace. I was sitting in a chair. Then a man walked up to me and he said, Hey, what you doing in that chair? And why don't you sit backwards on it instead? And I said, boy, I'm going to make you squeal like a pig. Well, Camden, so much fun to have you on the show.

Welcome. Come back again. Sign up. There he goes. Camden Pace, everybody. He's on Twitter at RealCamdenPace. Heck, yeah. Come on.

Make some noise for this guy. Almost 50 years old. Damn it. Just moved to Los Angeles. Hey, man. See the men in the middle of the way now? Real stunt man right there. Gabe Magnet.

Next time he comes on, I'm going to have him do a stunt for us. We'll have you guys do something crazy. I want to see that guy do a fucking stunt. I'll do some stunt work on him. Yeah. Our good friend, Tate Fletcher, is recovering from doing stunt work. So, shout out to Tate. He work, so shout out to Tate. He got injured.

Shout out to Tate. Caveman Coffee. Yes, one of the proprietors of the delicious Caveman Coffee, which has helped me save a lot of money. I stopped spending silly amounts of money at my local coffee shop because now I go to cavemancoffeecompany.com and use the promo code KILTONY, save 15%. And I use Nitro, cold brew coffee infused with nitrogen.

I mean, this shit will wake the devil himself. It is unbelievable. Put a little sweet cream in there. It's delicious. I like it. I do it without the sweet cream because I like being healthy. But Brian just keeps sweet cream. Sweet cream.

Good old sweet cream on everything. For those of you that don't follow him on Instagram, it appears as though he ate a bowl of boiled hot dogs last night. Yeah, those little teeny weenies. Brian does this very strange thing after a long night of drinking where he thinks all his food looks delicious,

and he posts it on his Instagram stories with his usually not clean apartment in the background. Just mouse traps in the background. Rat traps. They're bigger. Boiled hot dogs. It was different types of cheese, which you woke up complaining about this morning.

Yeah. Worst cheese I've ever had. Raw milk cheese is gross. I mean, really. It is unbelievably disgusting. But all right. Let's keep this fun train moving along. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Gerardo Alarcón.

Wow. Gerardo Alarcón. Here we go. Make room for him. He's coming to the stage. Separate my side. Here he is. Gerardo Alarcón. Separate my side I don't believe it's bad What's up? My name is Gerardo Alarcón.

It's like a magical spell like Mexicans make to make you awkwardly fat. Gerardo Alarcón. You know? I used to work at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Yeah, you guys didn't know you had a celebrity here, you know what I mean? I wasn't a wizard, though.

I was a cook. I was in the back, like, you know, cooking and shit. The most annoying thing about working at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter was the questions, you know what I mean? Like, people ask you, like, what house are you in? House Gryffindor? House Slytherin? I'll be like, nah, fool.

Back of the house. All I do is cook, homie. We don't got wands, fool, but I got a homie Juan, fool. He'll fuck you up. You know what I mean? We don't play Quidditch, fool. We sweep. You know what I'm saying? I used to have to cook and serve a 25-pound plate

of chicken and ribs and shit. Well, not shit, but peas and carrots and stuff. Okay, and that's a hard stop by Heyardo. Heyardo. Heyardo. Gryffindor inside. He looked at us like he was getting into his hour. Yeah, man.

That was incredible. Thought we were going to insist that you keep going on for longer. I could finish the joke. I don't know. I mean, do you want to? Not really. Okay, perfect. I love it.

Welcome, welcome, Hey, Hardo. You are adorable. Look at you, you little fucking chupacabra-looking motherfucker. I love it. Welcome, welcome, Hay Hardo. You are adorable. Look at you, you little fucking chupacabra-looking motherfucker. I love it. You worked at the Harry Potter World, huh? Yeah. Hell yeah. You put the hog in Hogwarts.

Wow. You're like some type of mix between Gryffindor and Hodor, obviously. Wow. How long did you work at Harry Potter World? For a year. When it first opened and then I got kind of, I kind of fire quit. You kind of fire quit?

Yeah. How'd that go down? I stopped showing up and so they had to fire me. But it's technically I quit. Like if you don't show up anymore, you kind of like give your job up kind of thing. So then now what do you do? I work in the movie business.

What do you do in the movie business? I'm a crib. Take tickets. It's so funny. Theater 12. I basically just run it. What do you do? I mean, you do look like a young Harvey Weinstein,

but I don't really think you run the movie business. I don't think you run at all. No, no, no, I don't. I'm a grip. I do grip a lot. Oh, key grip. One of those things that no one knows what they do. What do you do?

Basically rig stuff and set up lighting. Yeah, it's like hands-on electricity work and a lot of lugging shit around. You like it? Oh, I love it, man. That's so cool. I'm working a DJ rap video tomorrow. A DJ rap video.

Is that the... What is it? Is it more... I don't understand. DJ... It's a rap video. I just got a text when I was taking a dump in the restroom. Oh, wow.

There you go. Boy. Too much info. Yeah. What do you expect, you know? So it's a rap video. Yes. DJ rapper. It's the message I got from 10 to 10.

DJ Rapper. Yeah. My favorite artist, DJ Rapper. I like guitar player singer better. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? For four years. Four years? All of it here in L.A.?

Mostly, yeah. You know, Inland Empire, L.A. area. Inland Empire? Yeah. Heck yeah. You know, Inland Empire, L.A. area. Inland Empire? Yeah. Heck yeah. You guys always strike back. I just Googled DJ rapper. There's no DJ rapper, man.

DJ rapper video. Man, it sounds exciting. Tell us more about you. What else would we be surprised to know? What are some fun facts about Gerardo? I love how you say it. I called you Gerardo, like a white guy, and you're like, actually, my name is Heyardo.

Like with H's and shit. These look like G's and D's, but not you. Heyardo. I am Heyardo. I don't know what else to say. I don't want to do a Mexican drum off. The last two times I was here I played the drums Really?

And I've quit since You quit? You quit playing drums Because of that? Joel Berg put you out of the Joel Berg literally made you quit Yeah Ending careers

I didn't realize you'd been on the show twice before Did you wear a luchador mask? No, no, that was another guy That was another guy That was the same night though, Tiffany Haddish Oh, okay That's fun, that's fun so you've lost two mexican drum offs joel has made you traumatized by the sight of even looking at a drum set and uh so now what do you do for fun

what do you feel the time what do you do like hobby wise i i do a lot of stand-up and work that's basically i work long days yeah don't really have anything... I mean, I don't mean to sound boring, but I mean, I could tell you about lights and stuff. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. Don't do that. Yeah. No. How about your love life?

What's that like? Love life? I mean, I'm more of like a, you know... Masturbator? Yeah. There we go. Yeah. I've been living the single life, dude.

I got a relationship in like around November and I still think about it all the time my goodness you think about her all the time I heard girls ah how long were you with this girl for man you just ruined it when you gave that weird look to the audience hey what girls out there just all died

I heard some girls moaning all day hey hardo hey hardo over here I heard some girls moaning all day. Hey, Hardo. Hey, Hardo, over here. Hey, Hardo. But I've been thinking about it for a long time. Oh, did somebody just get wet? Okay. Yeah, boy.

So how long were you with this girl for? It was like two months. Two months? Just getting serious, yeah. Oh, my goodness. Remember me. Is that the longest relationship you've been in? Before you say goodbye, remember

me. I'm going to let it make you cry. That's the longest? Two months? Like, why? And the other one was two weeks. Wow. Wow. Heck yeah. This is exciting. This is like your longest relationship is the same as like

a regimen of antibiotics or something like that. This girl that you were with for two months that ended in November, you said that you still think about her a lot. She broke up with you, obviously? It's a weird thing. I broke up with her and then wanted to get back. Wait, is this like being quit-fired? Come on.

Oh, yeah. You broke up with her. It's a tendency, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. So how did it really end? Tell the truth. It got sober.

I got sober. Uh-huh. And so I just was like up and down kind of thing. And she was hooking up with you. Clearly, she drinks a lot. So you're like, hey, I'm trying to clean up my life a little bit. Right? Yeah.

And so maybe we should take a break. That was your idea? Yes. You didn't try to... No, I mean, it was her idea to take a break. I walked out on her, and she was like, well, let's take a break, and then she never hit me up again.

Oh, yeah, she broke up with you, dude. There we go. So did you ever try to hit her up again? Not since. Not since the... Not since the breakup. Yeah. You never...

Is there anything you want to say to her right now? She might be watching. Go fuck yourself. Wow. Jeez Louise. You're as cold as ice. Hey, could you do it again but with the eyes that you did earlier? Go fuck yourself.

Oh my God. Hey, Hardo. Hey, Hardo. What was that? Some lady just screamed something. It may be her out there. I said call her. Oh.

Oh, call her. It's been a long time since you guys talked. What do you think she would say if you talked to her right now? I think she would walk away. Yeah. Yeah. She would leave her phone. Even on the phone.

Even on the phone, she just wants to get away from this situation. Flea. Flea. I swear to God, Flea only knows three songs on the bass guitar. So you only dated two girls your whole life. You've only dated two girls. I mean, I've been on dates. Come on.

But a girlfriend? Jeez, calm down, dude. Yo, man, people don't like when they get checked by Red Band about their dating game. Come on, two dates. You ever go to the library? Yeah. The fucking, the old Fred's convenience store in San Clemente.

All right. Hey, Hardo. I like your fucking style, man. This has been your third time on the show. Again, this is a very likable episode of Kill Tony. Any other advice or anything, Dane Cook? Yeah, I just felt like you got into a quick routine, and your flow is very natural.

So I wasn't here for the last two, but it seems like you're building upon something, man. So I say keep it up. Hell yeah, keep it up. There he goes. Hey, Harto Alarcon, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Hey, Harto Alarcon, ladies and gentlemen.

No, will I slide? Separate my sight. I haven't been on a date in oh so long. You know, that reminds me. A good way to get someone to go on a date with you is to get them to go to your website. And today's episode is brought to you by Wix. Wix is the best and easiest place to create a professional website. With Wix, you can start from scratch or choose from over 500 stunning templates.

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You guys ready to get back into the show or what? There you go. We got it. Let's go to Wix.com. There you go. Very good. Wasn't worth it.

All right. Not when you interrupted me every time. Right. Yes. Exactly. Right. I's exactly right. I was built into a mother flipping punchline. There we go.

Okay. Very good. Very good. That's got to be the last verse, right? Okay. How long will this ad read go on? There we go. So a fun fact about this show is we have a regular

on every single episode. He writes and performs a brand new 60 Seconds every week. You've seen this young man before. We're absolutely in love with him. He's an improvisational guru. I'm excited to see what new minute he has this week. He's truly one of my favorite things in all of comedy. It is the one, the only, William Montgomery!

I'm crazy for you. Come on, guys! Make some fucking noise! Yo, what the fuck is going on? My brother's here! So I've been wearing scrubs recently

you know people think you're a doctor I find myself in the CVS bathroom with just Egyptian bitches coming up to me being like hey my arm hurts bitch I can't fix your arm I'm not a doctor so everything's been going pretty good in my life recently, other than my addiction to whippets. I don't know what to do with all the canisters. I don't know what to do.

Antarctica, the poor man's Japan. That's an ESPN shirt. I work for ESPN. If I'm going to be honest, a lot of people say I look like Bonnie Raitt. You want something to talk about? I want something to talk about in the CVS bathrooms. There you go.

Brand new minute from William Montgomery. Did it again. Came out with an interesting look this week this is very exciting I like this new stepfather version of William R. Cummings I ended up becoming a

teacher in Memphis you've been teaching in Memphis this week I have for six months sort of rewind 15 years I had a student named timothy in oklahoma he decided to try to get involved with the special forces he didn't make it he started reading a bunch of books he sort of got disenchanted with the government he got a rider van he filled it with explosives i told him not to wait a second

are you he ended up you're ended up in front of the oklahoma federal building oh my goodness 12 p.m you were his teacher i was his teacher i taught him is he mcveigh I was his teacher. I taught him Spanish. Timothy McVeigh. I'm pretty sure that was in like 91 or 92 or something like that. What worries me is when I was his teacher, he was like, hey, William, I don't know how to conjugate this verb. And I just stared him in his fucking eyes. And I was like, William, you mean Guillermo?

I love it. William, you mean Guillermo? I love it. William, you do this weird thing where sometimes you'll end your jokes staring right into Dane Cook's soul for some reason. Hey, Dane, you know what I'm excited about? I don't know if you heard the news this past week, but the new Disney movie, The Little Mermaid, there's actually going to be a black Little Mermaid. There's actually going to be a black

little mermaid. Y'all give it up. Wow. That is very exciting. Jane, here's my point. First black woman to be able to swim, right? Okay. Come on, guys. It's Monday night. We're not

on that network. Yeah, hey, bitch. You were at CVS last night asking me about Band-Aids. Hold on. We got to check in with Chroma Chris Flea for a second. Flea, I believe you pronounced it wrong. It's going to be called Lil' Mermaid. Chroma Chris, one for one. Nailing it.

I'll be quite frank. During the earthquake this past week, I found myself just buried under rubble, weirdly enough, listening to Brick by... Somebody help me on that. Ben Folds 5. Ben Folds 5. Ben Folds 5, Brick. by somebody help me on that. Ben Folds 5. Ben Folds 5.

Ben Folds 5 brick. And I called up Chris and he was like, hey, William. And I was like, it's Gear. I'm working on callbacks, Dan. Dan, my point is about the Black Little Mermaid. Will you play it? Do you mind? Yeah, go ahead.

For I think my best joke, again when i heard about ariel being maybe a girl from memphis maybe from birmingham maybe from michigan her dad is a professor of engineering up at michigan and just a little cut scene of her down under the water messing around with her things. My point is, I think my joke, one of my best jokes. Wait a second. Hold on a second. Here's my best joke. Here's my best joke.

But does this have to do with what you were just talking about? Oh, totally. Okay, go ahead. Oh, totally. Okay, go ahead. Just looking at the comb thinking, oh my God, it doesn't have enough bristles. And just right then a slow motion cut scene of me hitting some Filipino girl in the CVS bathroom. I'm sick of it. I have fucking Speedo goggles on,

trying to do the fog off with my four fingers. Here's my only point. Y'all are in for a treat. I think my best joke is going to do better once she becomes the Little Mermaid. Here it is. Okay. Here's my impression of the black little mermaid

Oh my god You're gonna do an impression? You wanna think of a bops? I got 20 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on I don't know What the fuck did you just say? I have chlamydia

Wait, is this still the impression or is this you? I have chlamydia. Wait, is this still the impression or is this you? I have chlamydia. You do. Is this the little mermaid? I can't feel my legs. It's the little mermaid. She has chlamydia. Hey, chlamydia.

Fucking flea. She also gets crabs. Wow. Hey, Chr media. Fucking flea. She also gets crabs. Wow. Hey, Chroma Crust, I swear to God, when I was underneath the rubble, trying to touch your fingers, just sort of looking for solace amongst another human, and you did your hand away. Just brick. Just playing.

And I'll be quite frank. If y'all really think about this song, it's about an abortion. It is? Is that true, William? Totally. Have you ever had an abortion? Have you ever been with a girl,

and she had to get an abortion? What scares me is i picture me telling my parents a dress and then right after that saying yeah i had an abortion and just a slow motion cut scene maybe mia paper plane splang and a doctor putting some sort of a tube up my butthole just saying, Doctor, I'm a boy. I can't have a kid. Wait, what? You, you, you, you, wait.

Is this all the Little Mermaid still? Is this still? Flounder is the doctor just putting slowly his gloves on. Sebastian is getting the tube out. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh If you're not, you're nice. Take a look in my book. It's about everything.

Wow. No, but seriously, Timothy McVeigh, when I taught him, I had a bad feeling about him. I'll be quite frank. He killed a bunch of kids. He killed a bunch of families. He killed a bunch of families. He killed police officers. He didn't care. William, William, William, William.

Last week you told us that your aunt got hit by a train and split in two. You said you tried to do mouth-to-mouth to save her, but you did it on the bottom half. It was an amazing moment. She called me the next day and she was like, I don't get who that guy is up there talking. Basically, my point is, I was in...

Your aunt called you the day after you did that? William, I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. We've gone to the next level here. William, how's the job at the self-storage unit been treating you? It's pretty good. I had a couple tin bite. Is that funny? Are we...

I've been having a real good time. I will let y'all in on a little secret. There are coughing pills called Coricidin. I'm on five of them right now. I'm badly addicted. I can't stop. I tried to break into Wendy's last night. You tried to break into a Wendy's, so what happened?

I got the Dave's double. You broke in and you made it yourself? And there was a lady worker in there, and I was like, hey bitch, get to the fucking bathroom. What are you, Filipino?

I don't get it. I don't care. I'm on. And then what'd you do to this Filipino girl? Can you put brick on? No, no, no. There's no more brick. Brick's gone.

Basically, I got her in the bathroom, and the closer I looked in her eyes, the more I thought, oh my god, is that Patricia from Memphis? Y'all, I apologize. I'm working on jokes. I'm working on... Patricia?

William? William, one last thing before I let you go. This has become insane. Is there anything that you'd like, have you gotten any, one of the things we like that you do sometimes on the show is you acknowledge your haters out there and you teach them a little less.

Is there anything you'd like to say to any internet trolls or anything? Yeah, what I would like to say is the bitch ass motherfucker Cracker Barrel Kid 52 the bitch-ass motherfucker, Cracker Barrel Kid 52, just picture a cutscene of you and I on the Titanic. It's slowly sinking,

and you bending over, and me fucking you, and you looking back, being like, William, is it true you have chlamydia? And I whisper into your bitch ass ear, yeah, it is. Do you know how to swim? And I just force your face in the water.

I drowned you. And I go from room to room just knowing I can kill a bunch of fucking people. No one's ever going to know the ship's going down. It's made of steel. It hit an iceberg. It's a nightmare. Just Dane and I going room to room. Dane putting on the handcuffs me fucking him

and Larry my father watches this Larry I apologize I'm kidding that is right daddy he's talking to his father he's letting them know that if he was on the Titanic when it was going down he wouldn't murder a bunch of people wait was I getting fucked on the

Titanic I was getting fucked I the titanic i was getting fucked what scares me i just picture maybe a cut scene maybe the uh brick by that guy playing and me walking into a room just being like dane oh my god you're a formidable person how'd you allow this person to chain you to the fucking bed why is he fucking you? Alright, William. I gotta stop you. I'm gonna stop you. How about a hand? William, I mean, he's just

amazing. That's a real artist right there. He went overtime tonight. I just love it. William just asked if he could open for him and then said he was kidding and then walked away. He's so funny. He's a crazy man, Dane.

He's a whole different type of comedian. It was so linear and understandable. It's amazing. It was clarity. He wasn't wearing flip-flops that time. He hit a Filipino girl in the CVS bathroom. I remember the first few times William was on, people were still a little bit confused here and there.

And then all of a sudden we all realized oh, he's lying all the time. Yeah. About everything. And it became this like whole new art form. It's like reverse stand up comedy. And he does it off stage also. It'll be me and him talking in an alley and then halfway through I'm like, you're lying to me.

Aren't you? Shout out to his parents. What do you guys think think should we go to this bucket one more time huh yeah shout out to larry and francis watching back in beautiful memphis tennessee we love you they've been on this show before they're a lot of fun you'd be surprised they're actually like normal good people and And they made that little devil, that devil child. Okay. Pulled out Devin Perry, everybody. Devin Perry. Devin Perry, all one word.

All right. No Devin Perry. I'm not seeing movement. No. Okay. Let's try it again. Wow, blacklisted. Okay. Put your hands together for your next comedian.

Eli Jari? Eli Gori? Eli Gari? Eli Gary? Did people just leave? Oh. All right. By the way, I tried to say I'd be there.

Double blacklisted. Waiting for the next comedian. Where are they? Sometimes new people leave after William because they think that's the end of the show. Put your hands together for Mina Q, everybody. She's here.

One of the elite members of the Apollo 13. By the way, I try to say I'd be there. One more time for your final comedian of the night, Mina Q. I just want to be very clear that nothing I'm about to say is racist. It will, however, be very accurate, okay? I have a theory that white people, sorry, hold on, I'm sorry, the whites, they

created water bottles after the water fountains were no longer segregated. I'm not saying that's exactly what happened. I'm just saying the timeline is tight. It's just very tight. And I love white people, okay? I appreciate how your pettiness has truly moved this country forward. I just don't like that you named all the water bottles after black women. Dasani, Evian, Aquafina.

So this is what we're doing. This is what it is. Okay. Wow. Look at that. Amazing. Amazing. She doesn't like the whites.

That is so fun. That's one of my favorite parts of this show is sometimes you have someone who it's their first time, sometimes it's a silly character, but my favorite thing is watching people get better, and that is by far your tightest best minute out of all your performances on this show. I just absolutely love it. It's got truth. It's got edge. It's got truth. It's got edge.

It's got danger. It's got everything fucking cool. And it's just awesome. Can I tell you something random? Yes, go right ahead. Every time I've been picked out of this bucket, it's always been the spot after the regular. Every time. Every single time it's always been

you. There were like two people. I was like, it's gonna be me. I know it's gonna be me. Well, we believe in putting black women in the back of the bus. You know what I mean? Black women in the back of the bus. It's a hard one. The bucket is weird like that, man. It's weird. It's so weird.

That's my internal spot, I guess, in my heart here. Thank you. Okay, you're talking a lot right now. I'm trying to see. You got a boyfriend or something? Oh, shit. You're about boyfriend or something? Oh, shit. You're about to get your pussy eaten, lady. Look out.

Is that the Roseanne girl from earlier? How old is that joke? You've been doing that for a while? Because that was a perfect joke. Thank you. That joke's maybe a few, like a couple months. I wrote it at the end of the year, and then I forgot about it, and I just started working it again, like maybe the last couple months.

Fucking awesome. Those are always fun when you forget that you have a joke. I love when a comedian can get up there and within like the first few words you feel like you get them. You feel like a connection and you had that like within four words it was already like okay she's a pro she knows what's up. So I really appreciated

that. Full control. Full control. I would say I would just change one of the words, though. I like Awkwafina as a black girl's name. I like Dasani. I don't know about Evian, though. I could find something blacker.

What else is there? Pellegrino? That could work. What's the other one? How about Thurster? You ever heard of that? Thurster. That might be the move.

Have the third one be a weird one. Yeah, that's true. DJ Arrowhead. What is it? There's Pellegrino. Capri Sun. Panna. Capri Sun. Perrier.

There's Perrier. Capri Sun. She Bubbly. I don't know. Not Capri Sun. He's got black girl names like Awkwafina, Dasani, Capri Sun. That's funny. Even if it doesn't make sense, that's funny as fuck. That's got black girl names like Awkwafina, Dasani, Capri Sun. That's funny. Even if it doesn't make sense, that's funny as fuck.

That's the move, dude, because you're going to get laughs no matter what. You might as well be silly on that third one. Try different ways. Have fun with it. I would just say it's such a perfect joke that the one part was like, I'm like, oh, Evian. I don't know. I don't really picture it. It could be Dasani and Awkwafina.

I like the fun in. That seems like the beginning of a really great chunk like i can see you really building from that point to figure out like i know that there's more there so i'm trying because that tone of you know coming out and really owning it you know and calling them the whites and everything i think you got everybody's attention right from the get it had so much uh so much like, boy, this could go wrong, which is getting people to lean forward

to the edge of their seats is exactly how you can fucking smash them with solid punchlines and a great, great premise like that. Thank you, thank you. So how's your normal life going?

What's going on in it? Normal life is good. I've been getting really into karaoke. I don't know what's happening in my life. What's your karaoke song? Yeah, what's your choice? You know what, my karaoke. Really? What's your karaoke song? What's your choice?

What Destiny's Child song is it? Waterfalls? Are you singing Waterfalls? Yes. Destiny's Child classic, Waterfalls. They're classic. If it's Ben Fold 5 Brick, I'm leaving right fucking now.

You know I have no idea what that is. I don't even know what that is. What is your I Will Survive? It is not. No? I don't know if the whites will know it, but it is. It's Johnny Gill, My, My, My. I love singing that song.

Well, because I don't sing it. I don't know how to sing, but I know how to perform things. What is Johnny Gill? to sing, but I know how to perform things. What is Johnny Gill? Put on your red dress. And step in your high heels. How does that go?

And some of that sweet perfume. Oh, you got lyrics? Is this it? Oh my god. This is the part where I tell you to follow me and do stuff, blah, blah, blah. It's already going. I know. He's just talking. Yeah. Oh, hey sexy ladies out there.

Oh yeah, girl. I see what you're doing over here. Y'all looking real nice, real nice. We gonna get into this song. Make sure you go ahead and follow me on Instagram at IamMinaQ while you at it. Since we talking about it. Let me go ahead and sing to my beautiful little white queen here.

Oh, my God. You're about to. Wow. Put on your red dress. Oh, shit. Put on your high heels. Oh, my God. And some of that sweet perfume.

Wow. It sure smells good on you. Yeah. Slide on your lipstick. And let all your hair down. Because, baby, when you get through, I'm going to show up for you. That's it for you guys. I'm not going to take up the whole night.

That is incredible. That is incredible. That is incredible. I only have one question for you after seeing that. How do I sign up for your newsletter? How about one more time? Anthony Kiedis. I love, by the way, black people do this all the time when they're like, I can't sing, and then they're like,

ah! She is. She is a black hot chili pepper. One more time for Mina Q, everybody. Thank you. Look at that drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt. Look at that. How cool is that?

My God. Ryan J. E. Belt.com for the Prince. How about one more time for the one, the only, Dane motherfucking Cook! We did it again, dude. You're a goddamn good luck charm on this show. We love having you. He's in Hawaii on the 20th, September 14th. Radio City Music Hall.

DaneCook.com, the Tell It Like It Is Tour. Setting records, selling out everywhere. DaneCook.com, the Tell It Like It Is tour. Setting records, selling out everywhere. DaneCook.com. We love you, Dane. It's always such a goddamn honor to have you on this show, brother. Thank you, everybody. It was a lot of fun. So awesome.

Congratulations, everybody. Hell yeah. How about one more time, good and loud, for the leader of the band, Anthony Kiedis. Huh? A lot of fun stuff going out there. The Reagan and Watkins album, Jeremiah Wonders. New episode out with the great Jeff Ross. On YouTube at Jeremiah Watkins.

On social media, Jeremiah's Stand Up. What else? Also, Phoenix, Phoenix, Phoenix. We're taking Reagan and Watkins, the headline at Stand Up Live there. Joel's coming to drum with us. That's on July 18th. And then July 20th, we're doing Reagan & Watkins at Huntington Beach Rec Room. We're bringing Chroma Chris

on bass, Joel Mendes on drums, the Open with Stand Up, and William Montgomery. So come see us. There you go. How about one more time for the amazing bass playing of Chroma Chris, everybody. Huh? You can check me out at the Whiskey on July 14th.

Dragon the Swamp Rats playing. Oh, look at that. July 14th at the Whiskey on July 14th. Dragon the Swamp Rats playing. Oh, look at that. July 14th at the Whiskey. Chroma Chris. I love it. What did you think of tonight's episode, Flea? Dane, Tony sure was cooking. Okay.

There you go. Wow. That was a weird one. That was two puns in one. I love it. I love it. I love it. We'll have to research and watch it in slow motion and figure out. It's like the Zapruder film or something like that.

We've got to do some math on it. How about one more time for the one, the only, still the drummer of the Kill Tony band, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. God damn. What a night tonight. He's on social media mostly. Sorry. Anything else, Joel Berg? Thank Jimenez. God damn. What a night tonight. He's on social media mostly. Sorry. Anything else, Joel Berg?

Thank you to Ludwig Drums, Caveman Coffee, and Speedweed. We love you guys. We had so much fun. Thank you to you, the live audience that comes every fucking Monday and shows up. What we've been doing lately I think is just so goddamn much fun. I think it's so special. I don't think there's anything like it anywhere on the internet. There's a new show on NBC called

Bring the Funny where three people sit at a table and watch stand-up comedians. I was at the taping of that first episode on that to see Jeremiah Watkins and Pat Reagan on it. Wait, that's the show you guys brought? Yes. What? Yeah. Oh, this is all coming fucking... Man, sometimes you guys are on? Yes. What? Yeah.

Oh, this is all coming fucking now. Man, sometimes you got to get the money. Sometimes you got to get the money. Yeah, enjoy that show, guys. Enjoy that. Oh, wow. That's incredible. Well, we love you, live audience.

Thank you for your support. Thank you for coming out, and we'll see you guys again. Make it loud for Tony right here. Hey, thank you, Dan. I love you, buddy.ご視聴ありがとうございました Субтитры подогнал «Симон» Thank you.