KILL TONY - KILL TONY #378

Episode Date: July 18, 2019

Ian Edwards, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 07/15/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv, for every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And also, if you click on Tour Dates, you can come see us live. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, but we're always on the road. We're going to be July 25th at the Fillmore in Philadelphia. July 26th, we'll be at the Pittsburgh Improv. August 3rd, we're going to be at the Let's Fest in Indiana doing two shows.

We're also going to be at Hyenas in Dallas, Texas, October 3rd. And the Road to Kill Tony, it's going to be at the Punchline August 16th. And then August 18th will be the Kill Tony Mania 2 at Cobbs in San Francisco.

Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates for all the latest updates. Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There he has his own dates doing stand-up. He has some merch there. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every single episode. Go to ryanjebelt.com for posters and merch.

And last but not least, shopsquad.tv. There you have the Kill Tony shirt and Death Squad merchandise. We got hats and mugs. Go to shopsquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Van coming to you live from the road famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hitchcliffe. Wow, come on, people. It's Monday night.

You're at the world-famous Comedy Store. It's the number one live podcast in the world. Brian Redband is here, everybody. What is up, guys? We are in the stable again. Very exciting times. I'm pumped about this episode. We had a lot of fun in Texas.

One of our best episodes ever, probably. Crazy times in Plano and Dallas. Big crazy sold out Kill Tonys and stand-up shows. So much fun. Ryan J. E. Belt's still there. He had so much fun. He's not here tonight. And we go on the road again in just a week and a half.

Beautiful. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Our biggest event ever. Live from the Fillmore Theater. Very exciting stuff. T biggest event ever. Live from the Fillmore Theater. Very exciting stuff. Tickets still available. And then we do the entire weekend in Pittsburgh. We do a Kill Tony there on the Friday night, then a stand-up show, and then two stand-up shows on Saturday. Then we're back again. Then we go to Fort Wayne, Indiana. That's crazy. Again, two years in a row at Let's Fest, Comedy

Festival, August 2nd and 3rd. And then I do the Miami Improv. I do stand-up comedy there in Miami for shows. And then in September, West Palm Beach. And, of course, Kill Tony Mania coming up in October, San Francisco and Sacramento. Brian Redband is headlining San Diego. Is that August? 17th, American Comedy Company with George Perez and Aiko Tanaka. I love that. A beautiful Saturday night in San Diego. Is that August? 17th, American Comedy Company with George Perez and Aiko Tanaka. I love that. A beautiful Saturday night in San Diego.

One night only, Brian Redband. Also, Reagan and Watkins is performing in Phoenix with Joel Jimenez this Thursday. And then Saturday, they're in Huntington Beach. You could see them all do stand-up comedy, plus featuring William Montgomery. And then Reagan and Watkins closes out that this Saturday

in Huntington Beach. How exciting. So let's just jump right into tonight's show, shall we? Let's not hesitate at all. We have a very special guest. He has the brand spanking newest special on Comedy Central right now. This is a true comedy store comic. He's done this show a few times before.

Truly one of the funniest human beings on the planet. One of the best comedy writers anywhere in the world. I present to you the return of the great Ian Edwards, everybody. Wow. Here he is. Done this show many times before, and he's fresh off Comedy Central. Ian Tuck, everybody is talking about it.

A truly great special you made. It's on Comedy Central. Go to ComedyCentral.com and watch it. Welcome back, Ian. My pleasure, fam. How you doing? Heck yeah. Excited.

We're going to talk to some people. We're going to meet some new comedians with you. It's always fun to get your take and perspective. All right. Cool. It's good to be here. Let's do this. Fuck yeah. Ian also has a podcast, The Soccer Comic Rant.

He's a fan of soccer and he's doing the Toledo Funny Bone this weekend and Comics at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut next weekend. So get tickets for that if you're in Ohio or Connecticut. Ian Talk, ComedyCentral.com. Ian, you know that we have a band on this show. Yeah.

They're wacky. I know some of the members of the band. You know they're wacky, they're wild. Every single episode they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to do. Last week they were fucking...

George W. Bush in Texas. That's fucking... George W. Bush in Texas. That's right. George W. Bush was unbelievable. I just feel like band is a strong word. Yeah. But I mean, you know, fine, fine. They are the best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen.

They are the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Chroma Chris, and Joel Jimenez. Let's see what they are. Oh! Wow, this is a first. We've never... Look at that ass.

We've never had these characters on this show before I know what they are these are cavemen it appears that there's also a cave lady as the leader of the band tonight how are you cavewoman look at this beautiful blouse she's wearing it's Tom Cruise from that Island movie

my goodness we got the bearded lady and some cavemen backing her up. I gotta be honest, that's the best I've ever seen Jeremiah look. Wow. Hello, caveman. This is your first time on the show. I'm excited to hear what you sound like.

Here we go. He's gonna sound like how he sounded last week. Oh Oh wait a second Hello there Wait what? Hello Tony It's a twist My name is

It's a caveman with a British accent I can finally see My name is Booga Booga? Booga? Booga. Okay. What's up with you? Why do you talk like that?

I'm the smartest caveman. Oh, okay. You know that doesn't take much to be the smartest caveman. I don't know. My goodness. Next to you we have Chroma Chris, who looks fantastic as his rendition of Jesus Christ. After I put this on, I realized I look like I just escaped from Jumanji.

And then here he is, back here. We have a real caveman, a Mexican caveman. How's it going, Joel Berg? How are you? It's going well. I just got out of those ice cages recently. I couldn't shave or anything. I smell bad. My goodness. What's your name? Busybone. Busybone. All right.

Sounds familiar. And then what's your name over there, Chroma Chris? Gary. Gary. Wow. So scary. Gary. All right.

Well, we have cavemen. I'm excited. Gary rapes the most in our village. Wow. Is that true? My goodness. Tony, this goes without saying, but these outfits are brought to you by Caveman Coffee.

Wow, I like that. Caveman Coffee is delicious. Doing a special Amazon promotion right now. I'm drinking. Happy Prime Day. Drinking my second Nitro of the day. That's where my life's at right now. Working hard, having fun.

We got Ian, we got Caveman, we got everything. You guys ready to start this thing? This is a goddamn bucket of destiny. It's filled with people's names tonight. There's a lot of destiny pouring out of this bucket. If I pull your name out, you get 60 seconds

uninterrupted on this stage, and then we interview you afterwards and find out more about you and your life and what makes you interesting. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Again,

Monday night, I need to see how loud this room can get. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show? Here we go. I can't tell what you remind me of with those glasses and that look. It's like one of those video games you download to your phone. Download now. Cavemen of the Crusaders. You're totally right. Jewel games with cavemen.

Yeah. All right. Pulled a name out of the bucket. Your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight goes by the name of James Demon. Wow.

James Demon. Sounds like a band member name. Here we go. Here he comes. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Here he comes. One more time for James Demon, everybody. Good evening. I'm James Demon. I'm on a mission from Lucifer

to torture the people of every room I enter with bad jokes, horrible wordplay, terrible puns. Yes. Yes. Excuse me. What is the opposite of a peacock? A poo vagina. Yes, yes.

The worst jokes you'll ever hear, yes. I got in my cars and I went to drive away. A little light came on and an alarm went off that said, parking brake engaged. I said, congratulations. Yes. Hell yeah.

B-b-b-b-bad. Bad. B-b-b-b-b-bad. I don't know how you guys knew That's a perfect song for this guy James Demon My goodness I like a man that lives up to what he said he was going to do

When he walked on stage Yes, yes Heck yeah, you gave a lot of presentation You warned us about what you were going to try to do. And then you almost did it. Jokes. So it's like, James, how long have you been on stand-up? Four years.

Four years. For those of you listening, it's got what? What do we call those? Silver contacts? White? What is that? They are white. They're white.

So you just have tiny little black holes in the middle of your eye. There's actually an X on the stage. If you can stand back so we can see you. Sure, sure. There you go. All right. Oh, great. Put him next to me.

Heck yeah. Yeah. Real comfortable. You guys, next to each other, you guys look like a before and after for blackface. The same facial hair, shaved head. You got to be careful making those jokes around someone who looks like this. James, what is wrong with you? Why did you choose this character?

It is a lot of fun. What happened? Not for us. Yes, I'm torturing you. How long have you been doing this character for? Since March. Since March. I wish I'd have met you in January.

How's it been going, man? It's been going great. I love it. Whoa. I just saw his eyes. Oh. You scared the world's smartest caveman. Come back here, James.

So you did a character switch. Originally you went by another stage name? No, I was just myself. My name is really James. I went by Jimmy. Oh, you went by Jimmy Demon. No, no, Jimmy Russo. Jimmy Russo. Yes.

But lately, starting in March, you went with this demon character, and that's what the contacts are for? Yep. And black nail polish, you're wearing all black, there's a star, an upside down It's a pentagram. Okay, sure, asshole. Anyway. It's a pentagram.

Why are you the most proper sounding demon I've ever heard in my life? Thank you. You actually sound like Jeremiah's caveman character. So, James, what does a guy like you, what does a demon like you do for a day job? I got to know. I have a lot of money saved up from something I really can't talk about right now. Wow, you can't talk about it? Are you sure?

Can you give us a hint? Was it like a lawsuit or something like that? It was a lawsuit. Who was it against? I cannot talk about that. Do not want to. No, it's okay. All right, well that's cool. What did R. Kelly do to you?

Red man. I mean, we know what he did He put me in the closet I don't know about that I think this is one of those mesothelioma cases We got up here Wow So you just want a lot of money

You're just spending it No I'm just living off of it It wasn't like I'm a millionaire now I have a limited amount that I can live on And I will look for a job again when it runs out. But for right now, I'm going to dedicate 100% of my time to pursuing stand-up. And by pursuing stand-up, you mean this James Demon character? Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh my god.

Absolutely. Can you at least tell us a ballpark about the amount of money that you won from this lawsuit? I'm sure you could do that. Enough to last for two years. So what is that to you? I'm just going to say enough to live off for two years.

Like a one-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood or a dungeon underneath a porn star's... It's $666. After the two years, do you plan on evolving? Oh, you just got dissed by the world's smartest caveman. Man. That's a good question, though.

What is your living situation, James Demon? I live with my best friend. You live with your best friend. How long have you been best friends with him? It's a her, right? No, no, no. It's a guy. It's a guy?

Yeah. We've been best friends, I would say, for eight years. Eight years. Wow. Where'd you meet him? Doing comedy. Yeah? Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Is he doing better'd you meet him? Doing comedy. Yeah? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Is he doing better than you in comedy? I'd say we're doing the same. Really? The same? Did he switch characters a few months ago, too? No, no. Just me.

It was an independent choice. And he told you that it's a good idea? Yeah, he likes it. I like it. I seem to be getting recognized in public. James, this guy is not your friend. What's that? You live with an enemy.

No, no. If he told you that he thinks it's a good idea. This is a great idea. Everyone here will remember me. I guarantee it. No, I don't think so. I get recognized in the street as James Demons. Whoa, who is this guy?

He's been up here for a few minutes, Gary. I'm not going to say it's a bad idea. I guess let's see what happens to it in two years. Have some fun with it and fuck it. You got nothing to lose except all your money. Have fun with that shit, man. Oh, my God. Wow.

Well, James, it was nice to meet you, man. I want an update. I definitely need you to sign up for the show again. Definitely. We want to see how this goes, because it seemed like you set up a lot of your character and you waited a while to get into jokes. So maybe there's more to it.

Oh, there's definitely a lot more to it. And I like the fact that he sacrificed an entire set to set up the character. Ooh, James Demon with puns. It sounds like I'm shitting on him, but actually, that's actually good. At least we know where you're coming from.

That's important. Heck yeah. All right. That's important. Hell yeah. Heck yeah. All right. Smartest caveman? Yes, I just wanted to say that set was a larger dump than a T-Rex dropping. Wow, there you go. All right. One more time for James Demon, everybody.

There he goes. Getting us started. That's an interesting one. The old character switch. Not a lot of... James, you should watch some of the Road episodes on YouTube. We have an actual demon that signs up for

the show sometimes named Dexter St. Jacques. He wears all black, like fancier clothes. It's a bigger production. He has completely black eyeballs. He tattooed his eyeballs black. And ask him how the demon thing is going for him. Yeah. Check out Fort Worth episode.

You got a lot of work to do, bro. Yeah, you're not even a real demon, dude. Yeah, you're not even a real demon, dude I pulled another name out of the bucket Put your hands together for Milan Patel Milan Patel Come on, one more time for Milan, everybody. Thanks, man. All right, I have a question.

So who do you guys think hates condoms more, straight men or straight women? Who do you guys think? All right, thanks. I think it's women. At least, like, every woman that I've met recently is like, can we just not use the condom? And I'm like, I don't even know you, but yes. But it makes sense. Like we just have to wear it on

the outside of our dick. If you have to have a condom inside of you, that's a worse sensation. Like if you've never had a condom inside of you, I feel like it's like when you go to the dentist and they put their finger in your mouth with a rubber glove on and you're like, all right, this feels intrusive, you know? But my thing is, like, I would never go up to my dentist and be like, hey, man, could you just take the glove off? It would just feel so much better with the glove off, you know?

My dentist is like, yeah, I can, but, like, you could get an infection from my finger. I'm like, I don't care. What are you, a pussy? Just take it off. It's my mouth. My rules. My dentist is like, yeah, but... There you go. Milan Patel, everybody. Hell yeah. Welcome back,

Milan. Hey, thanks, man. Fun times. Have girls really been asking you to go no condom with them? Ha ha ha. When I said all of the girls, I meant two in the last three and a half years. So many. That is an exact number.

You look like you have a trustworthy dick. What's that? It's true. Wait, trustworthy? Yeah, your dick. What's that? It's true. Wait, trustworthy? Yeah, your dick looks trustworthy. I think it's trustworthy. They're like, this guy's not fucking the whole town. He's clean.

So I think that's why you're getting away with it. Yeah, probably. Thanks for representing us the first funny non-demon this evening. Oh, thanks, man. I think I took my act, so I didn't have to make something else up. Pull out your contacts real quick and come up here.

When I was a kid, I had, like, blue accu-V, like, blue colored contacts. It was pretty... Looked pretty cool, actually. Heck yeah. People thought it looked cool. People thought they were real. Like, I had blue eyes. Like, I was an Indian guy with blue eyes. You just got really Indian there for a second.

That happened. Yeah. Little Kumail Nanjiani, super Indian. You really know how to dial it in. You pluck your eyebrows? You take care of those eyebrows? Is that strategic? Yeah, I do.

Like, when I was a kid, like, people, like, made fun of my, like, because I was, like, really hairy. And now, like, I don't give a fuck that much anymore. Like, and I'm, like, into hair and, like, girls, too. Like, I like i was like really hairy and now like i don't like i don't give a fuck that much anymore like and i'm like into hair and like girls too like i like i like like really hairy can you say you're into hair on girls like can you give us an example like arm arm hair is like is that how hairy you like a girl right there yes that's fucking nothing dude that's uh anymore man i'm telling you it's funny you mention that about hairy girls because this weekend

in Texas I was on the road, I had my iPad I went down this weird porn rabbit hole I'm not gonna lie is it a wearehairy.com no no no I don't have a membership like you dude I don't have a membership I just click on the five pictures that each girl has.

I've gone down rabbit holes, goat holes, frog holes, fish holes. What happened? But I really did. I watched this one. You know, you click on the videos underneath of a thing, and it starts to take you to more videos like the one you saw before. So I had this one that I was into and then another, but it wasn't really the one. You know, it wasn't

good enough to, like, finish to. You know what I mean? You gotta have something special to finish. Those other girls are just to get you warmed up. You know what I mean? So anyway, but one of them has a... I go down this rabbit hole and all of a sudden this hot chick has a gigantic bush. I mean, massive bush.

Great. She was hot, but not the one to finish to. So I click on another one. But now I'm down the bush rabbit hole. I didn't realize that I went from, like, you know, fucking, you know, amateur slut to amateur slut with bush. And then so this next chick is super hairy. I mean, just hair from the waist down, like thigh hair. I can't believe it.

Tony, you're really turning them on right now. It's about to cream in his heart. This is a lot for me, honestly. Anyway, I come everywhere. And then I look up and it turns out it was just a commercial for Gorilla Glue the whole time. Oh, God.

Worth it. Worth it. Worth it. They sneak those commercials in the pornos now. Milan. Yeah. So, how long have you been doing stand-up? A few years now. A few years now. What do you do for work? I'm a tutor.

Me too. What do you tutor? Yeah, what do you tutor, Booga? Thoughts. Wow. All right. All right. Even Milan gave you an all right. Oh, look at the wheel.

If you knew what a wheel was, it'd be turning in your head right now, Booga. Tony, he tutors at the School of Rock. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Very good. Booga does. I like that one, actually. Heck yeah.

He might tutor at the School of I-Rock. I-Rock? Oh, yeah. It's because of my skin color. It's because you're brown. It's because you're brown. It's because you're brown. Professional badass. Milan, what do you do for fun?

You seem like a young, hip dude. Yeah, I like fun stuff. Like I said, I have sex. It's pretty fun. You have a girlfriend now? No, I don't. Thanks. Would you like to go out sometime? Heck yeah. I don't. Thanks. Would you like to go out sometime?

I don't know if you can handle Aphrodite, home slice. That's the fucking real deal. I don't know. Don't they worship cows where you're from? No, I'm kidding. Afro. Afro. I love you, Aphrodite. One of the only people

one of the Aphrodite, fun fact, is one of the only people one of the Aphrodite fun fact is one of the four people in the world that I feel bad after I make fun of them. That is clearly not a cow. That is a bison. Oh, you son of a bitch. He's got the spotlight

and he jumped out of his seat. There you go. All right. There's no bones about it. That was a good one. Wow. Milan, is there some interesting fun fact about you that you think we would find interesting or compelling?

Anything that happened when you were being raised or in your life, your childhood, maybe now? Yeah, yeah. Like, my parents had, like, motels growing up. That was pretty cool. Oh, wow. Like, they ran a motel. Wow.

How many do they own? Wait. You took over that, right? If I remember, like, they moved or something happened with the hotel and then you're trying to keep it alive or something. Was that you? No. No, never mind. Wow.

I don't even know you, dude. How do you know my life story? I thought you were on the show before. You weren't on the show before. I was on the show, but I didn't talk about you. You didn't talk about hotels. You're confusing me with another Indian guy that also had a motel. It's easy to do.

It's actually pretty common. It's pretty common, so it's not weird that you would assume that, actually. Yeah, so my parents had motels growing up, and I would help them run it and stuff. Let me ask you a question. Why do a lot of Indian people own motels? Yeah, it's pretty common because there's a whole history, but I don't think it's going to be interesting or funny. All right, let's try it. We'll stop here if it's not.

What's the shortest version of the long history? Let's see if you know how to answer. It's just a lot of people from India moved here, and they couldn't get, what do you call it, labor jobs. So they started investing in small businesses, and just people started investing in motels, and then they knew how to run them, so more people came over, and it just became a business model that people understood,

and just it grew. Does that make sense? Yeah, that's quick. That's pretty simple. Yeah. It's not funny, but it's correct. Sometimes I just ask questions for knowledge. No, that is a good thing.

I like that we got that out of you. Yeah. That's fun. Was that here in L.A. you were born and raised? No, I was in Portland area. Oh, okay. How long have you lived in L.A.? Pretty recent.

I moved here in October. Wow. Yeah, very recent. Fun times. Things have been going good for you? Yeah, doing all October. Very recent. Fun times. Things have been going good for you? Yeah, doing alright. I love it. Is it true you're going to play Milhouse in the Simpsons reboot? Oh, homie!

At least you said Milhouse. Oh, the other guy. Alright, back to you, Tony. Let's get out of here. Alright. Well, Milan, fun times. This was a fun segment of the show

cool and thank you for signing up funny shit man Milan underscore Patel heck yeah there you go it's a very diverse show so far.

We just had a little brown boy and a white demon on beforehand. People of all shapes and sizes. This looks like a fun name. Put your hands together for Mitchell Lamar. Mitchell. Wow, big pop from the comedians. That usually means this is someone coming up on the scene that people like. It's hard to get comedians to like you.

One more time for Mitchell Lamar. I'm feeling good. I took ecstasy this morning. Because you know today's my cheat day, you know, so. I used to serve in the United States military. I deserve more than that. The military is nonsense. Let me show you how we were trained to protect your freedom, okay? We would stand, right? We'd stand.

We'd put our hand upon our hip and then we'd dip, I'd dip, you'd dip. I do miss the joking around in the military, miss the nonsense. I remember I had a female veteran that told me that I had better legs than she did. I was like, girl, you can't say that. Both of your legs are blown off. Wow. Mitchell Lamar. Wow.

Mitchell Lamar. I'll tell you this. That last joke got a groan, but I loved it. I loved it, too. I loved it. Only you can get away with that. You have to literally have served in the military to be able to make jokes about soldiers' legs being blown off. It's great.

I love the privilege. Wow. It's great. I love the privilege. Wow. It's incredible. I love that. That is something that we preach a lot on this show is talk about stuff that specifically you can talk about. How long have you been doing stand-up? About four and a half years.

Four and a half years. What branch of the military was it? I was in the Air Force. The Air Force. Hell yeah, I bet you were. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Is this how you normally are

or are you still high? He's been on this show once before. I think this is about how you normally are. Very likable. This is me. You really did ecstasy today? I can't remember. Oh, shit.

Mitchell, since you were in the Air Force, are you more of a bottom or a top gun? Ha ha ha ha. Hey! Top. Oh, shit. Wow. You're not going to try to get in my cave later, are you?

I actually like guys that are from a cave, so... Oh, shit. Damn. So you spend a lot of time in Afghanistan. Wow. It's getting crazy over here. Is that true, Mitchell? Did you serve overseas at all? I was in Turkey, Japan, the mental health

clinic. Wow. What did you do in Turkey? I was an IT technician. Worked on computers and men. Wow. Now let me ask you about this, because that does

seem interesting. Are there a lot of dudes that are willing to sort of just hang out when they're over there, and it's fucking a lot of straight dudes, you'd think, are sort of gay when they're in the Middle East? Like, I mean, when you're over there, and it's just dudes everywhere, is it sort of like a prison mentality?

Or do you find the gay dudes? But, like, how does that work? Tony's looking to sign up soon. I am. Otto, you don't realize that when I said I wanted to be a pilot, that I was talking about joining the Air Force, everybody. Is it a secret-to- secret to the grave kind of thing?

Or like what are the standards over there? Tony did sound like he was asking for a friend. Yeah. So anyway, Mitchell, give us the details. The people want to know. They do. No, it was a mix of everything, you know. But they all found me.

Wow. How did they find you? Because you're all like, hey. That's it. He was shooting missiles out of his asshole. Heck yeah. I wonder where the gay guy is. My goodness.

If you had to guess, if you just had to shoot plus or minus five, if you had to guess how many times you had sex, how many different guys you had sex with in the military? What would that ballpark of a number be? Gosh. Just in Turkey?

Yeah. Yes, and then in Bologna, then in bologna, then in half. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So give us a little ballpark number. Oh, you still want a number? Yeah. Really, it doesn't matter. Sort of just the military overall.

My question is basically, how many different Air Force dudes did you fuck in your time? They weren't really fans of me because of the marching. Okay, so here's the thing. Whenever, I was into other branches because here's the thing, in the military,

it was a lot of marching, but everyone hated marching with me because I made it look so good. Wow. Did you ever hook up with any Marines? Yes, a lot. The few, the proud. I love that. You keep talking about your marching. Could we possibly see some footwork from you?

Hey, you know what? I like that idea, caveman. You really are the world's smartest caveman. idea, caveman. You really are the world's smartest caveman. Oh, shit. Ready? Hop! Hop! Two, three, four. Oh, shit. Two, three, four. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Very impressive. Oh, gosh. Hell, yeah. I guess we know how they found him. That's it. My goodness. So Mitchell, you've been doing stand-up four and a half years.

How long have you lived in Los Angeles? Three and a half. Right after I separated, I moved down here. Right after you what? Separated. From? Oh, the military. That's what you say when you're like, bye.

I'm seeing other branches, bitch. Do you still call your butthole an aircraft carrier? Wow. Yes. So three and a half years, what do you do for work here? I just got a job as a server. Oh, a server. Yeah.

You just can't stop serving your country. Now, usually servers, as I've studied, have a personality to be very expedient with the way they process the tables and stuff, but you speak very slowly. What is an order like whenever somebody orders from you? My goodness, Kate, I'm really directing

traffic here tonight. Like when I give an order to somebody? When you take an order. Oh, boy. I know you usually give the order, but when you take an order. Oh, boy. Oh. I know you usually give the order, but when you take the order. Hi. My name is Mitchell. Welcome.

Is this at Hamburger Mary's? No. No. All right, Mitchell. I'm going to save you, buddy. Fun set tonight. Thank you. Fun times.

Unbelievable interview. Such an entertaining guy. Mitchell Lamar, everybody. Heck yeah. You're amazing. Mitchell Lamar. I see why the comedians popped big when I said his name. You gotta look out for that.

When the comedians get excited when I pull someone's name, it's always a good sign because that means that they see them a lot in open mics. It means that they're usually funny. I'd like to see his whole set. Wow, that was weird. You had nine minutes to think about that joke.

And you decided to do it then. Alright, pulled another name. You guys having fun out there, huh? As you've seen, anything can happen. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Tema Saul, everyone. Tema

Saul. Ah, here she comes. Here she comes. Hey, what up, fam? I'm a Los Angeles native. Thank you. Thank you so much. I grew up in Toluca Lake.

I moved to Toluca Lake at the age of five to start pursuing white privilege. Yep, yep, yep. And now I live in Santa Monica with an air one on my street so life's a beach bitch it's pretty sweet yeah i uh i actually grew up in the 90s and i grew up very passionate about art and i also was raised jewish so my nickname was lisa and frank thank you i'm gonna stick that one back in the attic. That's fine. Cool. I think I need to break down Judaism just a penny pinch more.

If I could rap about my roots, I would say, my parents are Jewish, so my blood is real. I don't like a filter fish, but I eat full off felt. My bubby spoke Yiddish. My zady loved her knishes. And every Friday night, Shabbat dinner, my dad would say Kiddush. Yeah. Brr, brr.

Baruch atah Adonai. Thank you. Thank you. Tema Saul. Very exciting, Tema. Fun times. You've been on this show before? Once before.

Glad that you're back. Clearly you came straight from set playing the new female version of Mario. Thank you so much. Very exciting. You treat the women just like men here. This is interesting. Hi, Tema. It's really good to be here.

I really feel very much at home. It's good. Yeah, of course. As home as you should feel, Tema. Okay. How's life going? Life is good. How long have you been doing stand-up?

Started March 2009. Wow. I started pursuing it professionally in 2016. Okay. 20 BC. Beat that. I did it for about two and a half years

when I started and then I kind of put it aside. What made you put it aside? I got really involved working in production. I got into a relationship my priorities shifted and then I kind of fell out of it and then I was just like no I actually really love stand up

so I got back into it how long were you in that relationship for? four and a half years and how did it end? well I fell out of love yeah that's one way to put it yeah sure yep it wasn't meant to be right Well, I fell out of love. Yeah, that's one way to put it. Yeah, sure.

Yep, wasn't meant to be. Right, right. Did he recover well, you think? Sure. I mean, it was amicable. I don't talk to him anymore. Wow. Yeah.

You dating anybody now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long have you been with him? Well, it's new, fresh. Is it a comic? No, thank God. No yeah, yeah. How long have you been with him? Well, it's new, fresh. Is it a comic? No, thank God. No offense, sorry. For real.

Yeah. What does he do? Oh, I'm not going to get into this right now. What do you do? I do a lot of different things. Yeah. I work on set as an actor, principal, background stand-in. I also drive for Lyft and Uber. I also deliver donuts.

I babysit. Wow. I'm hustling. I'm hustling. Wow. Yeah. You said you're really from Toluca Lake? I'm sorry?

Are you really from Toluca Lake? Yeah. So you have really rich parents. I grew up in Toluca Lake. Well, don't give away my punchlines or anything. But yes, yes. So your parents are very rich? My parents do

well. They work hard for them. What do they do? My mom is a realtor, and my dad sells life insurance. Whoa. Yeah. Hell yeah. Neither one of them work in the industry. They're homemade, man. Have you acted in

anything that we might recognize or anything like that? I was on Life in Pieces for three seasons. I was a stand-in, a regular stand-in, and then they upgraded me every season. That's cool. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right.

Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. What's an interesting fun fact that we would find compelling about you? I sucked my thumb until I was 15 years old. Whoa, 15. Thank you so much. Yes. My goodness.

We know where to get the blowjobs around here. The answer is Mitchell Lamar, the last comedian on stage. Yeah, we hang out a lot. I tricked you right then. We kick it. You're friends with Mitchell? Yes, absolutely. Heck yeah.

What do you guys do? Go shopping together and shit? Obviously. We suck dick together too. Wow. That's good to know. We have a good time. What made you stop sucking your thumb finally at 15?

Well, because 15 is a very unreasonable time to be sucking your thumb. And I wanted to start sucking other things. My goodness. It was time. You know, puberty. Man, just hit. Timing was right. Wow. Is that when you put a penis in your mouth for the first time? 15? It actually is.

Wow, that's incredible. See that? Tony, we're really breaking barriers today. It's true. Sometimes it just turns into a psychotherapy session. You know what I mean? It's actually like when somebody quits smoking cigarettes, they usually have to put a toothpick in their mouth. When you stop sucking a thumb, you have to put a dick in there.

That's true. That's true. Basic math, pretty much. Basically, yes. I made up a rumor, actually, in seventh grade that I gave head to a guy in a treehouse. You made it up? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I was in a new school at that time. So you're like, hey. Trying to get popular. Right. Weird way to get popular, right? Heck yeah. But then what happens?

Then like a guy is like, hey, you want to come to my treehouse? What about the poor guy? I mean the. Who didn't get the blowjob. Yeah. Yeah. I earned the nickname Treehouse Queen. Wow.

Thank you. Gave head in a treehouse. I'm pretty sure that was the end of the movie Hereditary. It's for the 16 people that saw the end of that movie. Yeah. Wow. Tema, that's so interesting. That's for the 16 people that saw the end of that movie. Wow. Tema, that's so interesting. What ended up happening when you said that you gave another seventh grader a blowjob in the treehouse?

Nothing. Did it help you get more popular? Made things a little awkward, and I got teased a lot. All the boys in her class started planting trees everywhere. Hey, Tamups, up here. Yeah, exactly. Wow. I mean, whatever. I was

young. This new boyfriend, he's very successful, very set. That's why you don't want to talk about it. He's not a boyfriend. We just started hanging out. It's very fresh, very new. Oh, shit. You sucking his thumb? All right, come on. But he's a successful guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Famous actor? Mm-mm. No, doesn't work in the industry. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Really stretching out of bounds right now. Does he sell life insurance?

Is it your father you've been hooking up with? Not dating my dad, no. No, all right. That's weird. Yeah. Tema, what else do you like to do for fun? Any hobbies or anything like that? Yeah, I play the ukulele. I love

spending time with my friends and my family. I go hiking. I bowl. You bowl? I like to bowl. On a high level, you good at it? Yeah, I'm decent. What's your average? 130. 130?

Yikes. My goodness. That's not that good. You're right. I know. Gotta be honest with you. It's atrocious. I didn't say I was good at it. You just said you liked to bowl.

Bumper bowling? I think you just like putting your thumb in the hole. Yeah. Reminds me of my childhood. Unnaturally. Yeah. Well, Tema, it was fun. Thank you.

Very interesting stuff. You're talking about stuff that you can talk about being an L.A. native. The Lisa Ann Frank joke. Now, that's a combo joke, right? Is that being an LA native. The Lisa Ann Frank joke. Now that was about, that's a combo joke, right? Is that because you said the valley? Lisa Ann? So that's a reference to? I said passionate about art and grew up Jewish. So

Lisa Frank for the fans. I thought it was a reference. A lot of girls know the reference. Alright, need to stretch that one out to the men too. Alright. Or not. This has been real, man. Is that the monkey sticker? Reference. All right. Need to stretch that one out to the men too. All right. Or not. All right. This has been real, man. Is that the monkey sticker

woman? Yeah. Yeah, with the colors. With the colors. No, the monkey's a different one. There's a famous porn star named Lisa Ann that I once roasted on a roast. Really? Yeah, the roast of Ron Jeremy I did in

Toronto, Canada and Lisa Ann was on it. And when you said Lisa Ann Frank, I'm like that's an interesting risk. But now that I know that you're talking about Lisa Frank I think it's, I definitely didn't know who that was. I don't even think Lisa

does she even still make those monkey things? I don't even think she works anymore. Yeah, actually she does. She's still selling her was. I don't even think Lisa, does she even still make those monkey things? I don't even think she works anymore. Yeah, actually she does. She's still selling her stuff. I actually, yeah, a writer that I worked with is cousins with her and then sent us

a bunch of her free stuff. Are some of the stickers still scratch and sniff? No. All right. The monkey's actually made by Paul Frank. That's true. That's true. Well, who the hell's Lisa Frank by Paul Frank That's true

Who the hell's Lisa Frank? Lisa Frank has the dolphins and the lions And the rainbow All that Air Force stuff Exactly So it's not even Paul Frank No one's going to get that Busy Bone, do you have a phone?

What the hell Busy Bone? Researching during the show? How dare you? All right, Tema Saul. Thank you so much. Here she goes. Tema Saul, everybody. She's on social media.

Tema Louise. I'm Mitchell Lamar. At Milan underscore Patel. Instagram James Demon 333. Got everybody up here. This is a fun time tonight. You guys having fun? I think I already asked that.

Goodness. You are shaped so weird. I like how he commits to the caveman walk. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Alicia Falcone. Alicia Falcon. Alicia.

Falcone. Is that Alicia? Oh, wow. Here she comes. That's all common. That's extra damn. Oh, she does not know how to get on stage. Here she comes, That's all common. That's extra damn. Oh, she does not know how to get on stage. Here she comes, Alicia Falcone. Hi.

Hello. Okay, wait. When does my time start? Right now. Right now. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, I think since the dawn of time.

You guys know about the dawn of time, right? Women have been nervous about men sticking their dick where it doesn't belong, right? It's called rape. I think you guys like making those jokes, right? Because it's funny. Well, you know, I'm nervous. I'm a woman and I'm nervous about men sticking their dick where it doesn't belong. And I think that, you think that to help the cause, we should solve it. And I think I have a way. So somewhere between 1978 when Debbie did Dallas in 2019, someone somewhere said, you know, hairs out.

We were talking about this earlier, you know, Bush. But I think in order to evade those rapists, you just turn that landing strip into the full airport. And if a man sees you in a dark alley and he pushes you down, flips up that skirt and gets a load of that raging bush, he's going to help you back up, apologize to you, and call you an Uber home. Yeah? Anyone?

All right. All right. Alicia Falcone. Am I saying that right? Alicia Falcone. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Can I just say, if you had a big bush, I would still rape you. He's a caveman. He's a caveman,

so I don't want you to get scared at a rape joke. You made a point to acknowledge how unfunny rape jokes are to you. Rape is hello where I'm from. Hello. Hello. Stand between Ian and the caveman. If you don't mind, there's a little X over here. Just stand right there.

Grab the microphone. I'll take the mic with you. Heck yeah. Have you not been watching the show at all? I just don't normally take the mic with me. She doesn't know how the show works. I like to have it go a little longer. All I have to say is thanks for proving that rape jokes aren't funny.

Yeah, that's right. Thank you so much. Wait a second. Are you about to rape me? Why are you behind me? Would you? You never know. You never know. Alicia, up here. How are rape me? Why are you behind me? Would you? You never know. You never know.

Alicia, up here. How are you doing? How are you doing? Doing well, thank you. You took a lot of improv courses before coming here? No. No. I like it. You're going above and beyond.

How long have you been doing stand-up? Since February. February you started. Yeah, baby. Yeah, you're brand new. You're brand new. Yeah, little baby. What made you want to start stand-up comedy?

Well, you know, not according to you. I'm actually very funny, so I like being funny. Right. That's fine. I'm sure you are. Yeah, yeah. Just not here. Just not here, not now.

I got it. Relax, Alicia. Boy, oh boy, oh boy. You have quite the energy about you, huh? I got a lot of energy, yeah. Yeah. Like who told about you, huh? I got a lot of energy. Yeah. Like, who told you you were funny? It's not an insult.

Like, somebody told me I was funny. That's why I started doing comedy. Right. People are assholes, man. What was it? Some ass. And I do appreciate People are assholes, man. What is it? Some ass. And I do appreciate you being assholes, but.

Oh, are you bringing that so I don't have to hold it? You are a gentleman. She's got ADD. Oh my God, at least, yeah. Thank you. So, uh. Do you remember the question?

I do. So who told me I was funny from a very young age? Everyone told me. Oh, yeah. Everyone told me I was funny from a very young age? Everyone told me. Oh, yeah. Everyone told me I was funny. Here, I'll sit down. Being a caveman.

Everyone told me I was funny. Yeah, my mom. My mom told me. I'm sorry. She thinks. Wow. Yeah. I like your style Alicia

Yeah So how's it been going for you since February? Pretty good So I'm from Phoenix So I came in from Phoenix Oh that's where you live Yes that's where I live You drove?

I drove here Oh you're not fucking around alright Yeah You came here to sign up for this show In the open mic next door? Yeah the potluck I did that Did you get up tonight in there? I didn't go up, no.

No, but you got up here. He's getting up. Uh-oh. Look out, Alicia. Look at that. You sure you didn't take an improv course? I never took that, no. All right.

Wow. Are you an actress or something, too? No, I'm not, no. Just straight comedy? Yeah. What's your job job? So during the day, I'm a content writer and a commercial producer for a natural organic grocer. My goodness, you seem like you have your whole life together. Why stand-up comedy?

I love this. This is nice. I like hearing people laugh. But they're laughing at me and Ian and Jeremiah and Red Van and Joel. You could just go to a comedy show. Chroma Chris. I had to ask him if I was hurting him. That's why I wear a big shirt so you don't have to see my flat

ass. Here, get off. Stand normal, at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's married. Yeah. Did you know that about him? Yeah. Oh, he's got a wedding going on. Yeah. How did that get there? I don't know how this got on my finger tonight.

Sometimes you run out in a scary to the stage. Wow. So, Alicia, is it true that you don't think rape jokes are funny? No, I do. I do think they're funny. Okay, good. What's the craziest, most compelling subject matter that you talk about joke-wise? I heard them.

I heard them out there. I think that... Let's see. I do a lot of stuff about science. That's compelling. What about science? What do you talk about? Have you guys ever heard of the trapdoor spider? Well, of course. My man. My man.

My man. What about the trapdoor spider? So this spider lives in the outbacks. It's a spider that rapes you with a trapdoor. Okay, all right. Tell me about the trapdoor spider, Alicia. Yeah, so this spider in the outbacks of Australia actually builds trapdoors, but it's like a h the trapdoor spider, Alicia. Yeah, so this spider in the outbacks of Australia actually builds trapdoors,

but it's like a hinging trapdoor. And the more I start learning about it, I think I need to start dating outside of my genome because he has like a lot of amiable qualities. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got a... Wow, that was the smartest joke I'd ever heard. Yeah, there you go.

Wow. Alicia, what do you do in your personal time when you're not doing stand-up or making commercials? When I'm not doing that, I like to knit. Ah. Yeah. I like to cook. Ah.

I read. Really? I love plants. Plants. She's my... I don't know. Oh, sorry. I strip, apparently.

Wow. Plants, huh? What's the most exciting thing about you, if you had to guess? Is there something you do sometimes for a rush? My mom's in the audience, so I'll leave that. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

She came with you from Phoenix? Say that. What's your nationality? What? Say that one. Your nationality. Oh, my ethnicity. Ethnicity, yeah.

So. Wow. I guess it's bitch. Joelberg. That's right. So it's that and Puerto Rican and Spanish. Oh, Puerto Rican and Spanish. That makes sense. You got Puerto Rican and Spanish.

You got all the switchblades. Heck yeah. No chance your mom signed up tonight. She's not interested in doing comedy, is she? She is a funny woman. I don't know that she has her material ready. I'm sure she doesn't have a minute prepared, right? Did you want to bring her up? She said yeah.

Probably not. No, of course I don't. I don't want. Probably not. No, I don't want to embarrass her. No, I won't do that to your innocent mom. I don't want to do that. Don't do that to my mom. You said don't embarrass you, don't bring her up? Yeah, yeah. Does she have any special skills or talents or anything? Oh, she has many. She's an angel

from heaven. Like what? Is she like you? Like plants and reading books? She plays the harp because she's a fucking angel from heaven. I just said that. She really plays the harp? Yeah. Oh, okay.

I don't believe anything you say. Does she play harp to get? Say that one more time. Nothing. Wow. Well, Alicia, you know, fucking I'm excited that you love stand up comedy oh I love it so much and you're gonna learn a lot

as it goes on February is not long at all it's not long at all that's about just about as new as it gets that's right and I can tell that

you love the spotlight which helps yeah you know so you'll you'll keep going you'll be fine alright thank you and you know

you said you said some funny things during this interview part. Yeah, thank you. There's something there. There's something there. You have to make sure that you hit them with the joke fast and from the start of your set. Jokes were missing. Apparently. I thought I was doing that, right? Yeah. Jokes were missing. But, I thought I was doing that, right?

Yeah. Jokes were missing. But, you know, there's something there for real. Right. And also, like,

I think a good piece of advice is, like, saying anything isn't funny, even if you're just kidding about it. Like,

when you said, like, rape jokes aren't funny, then people are gonna be like, well, what the fuck's funny about you? You know what I mean?

So you sort of buried yourself at the top there because it's like there's nothing funny about rape but you guys like you were sort of like you guys like those kinds of jokes like you made it seem like we're assholes but I'm the asshole right it came out like you were complaining you were saying it Tony you looked at me with your eyes

and you said it you were looking and saying that I was the asshole just now. Oh, no, the Puerto Rican's coming out. All right, there she goes. Her first time on Kill Tony, Alicia Falcone. She's on Instagram at JokesInMotion87. Alicia Falcone. Something there, man. Something there.

Heck yeah. How many of you like it when comedians do good with their 60 seconds on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Wow. Oh, my God, sir. That dude in the middle.

So deeply, you just stared into my soul. This person still hasn't been on before, right? This is a very interesting thing. A little fun fact is one of the things that uh sometimes happens uh before the show is when the names are being cut up uh the uh producer of the show the great david deary there he is right there will do this thing and because sometimes people will sign up multiple times and try to cheat the system and use a fake name. So one of the things that happens is, through a setup system of six years of doing this show,

is he'll check the social media sometimes of the people that sign up if it's a new name. And ruckus began in the green room a few weeks ago when we heard this name for the first time and it was confirmed that it was a real person. We've been excited to pull this name out of the bucket for weeks now. Put your hands together for the very first time,

no doubt about it, for Tokyo Cunt Punch. Tokyo Cunt Punch. Can this be true? Wow. Look at this. This is not what I was expecting at all. It's way better than I thought. Wow. She's way better than I thought. Wow.

She's got a catchy name. This is her Kill Tony debut. One more time for Tokyo Cunt Punch. So, I'm a hooker. Thank you. That means I sell pussy. Um, also sell hooker jokes. Sometimes I sell hooker jokes while I sell pussy.

Sometimes I sell pussy while I fuck jokes. You know, it just depends. Um, I'm sure you have the same question for me that everyone has when they actually meet a hooker. What's it like in the white house uh it's actually been tough because uh recently i had to move back in with my parents and uh hooking from home is a whole new thing because the shame is super intense uh but you know some guys like that.

Some guys will pay extra for shame. You guys know how hard it is living at home with your parents. You have to like how hard it is to sneak in in the middle of the night with five guys. Thank you. Wow.

I mean, Tokyo Cunt Punch. Words cannot describe how excited I am in this moment. I know. Can we just make our set keep going so we can learn more about her? I literally only have 3,000 questions to ask you right now. You know, it's one of those amazing things. In over six years of doing this show, we've had all different types of people and it's always exciting when we had our first transgender

comedian on. You have your first person in a wheelchair and all these things, but our first hooker is very, very exciting. I feel like this story is going to have a very happy ending. And not just your first hooker to have a very happy ending.

And not just your first hooker, but a funny hooker. Yeah. Heck yeah. This is very interesting. Especially, I never would have guessed a hooker for you. I thought you sold art out of your yoga studio or something like that by your appearance. So, Tokyo, this is so interesting. How long have you been a hooker? I would say about five years.

Five years. How long have you been doing stand-up? One. One year. Heck yeah. So, what were you doing before you were a hooker? I just like that comedy is a step up for you. I just like that comedy is a step up for you.

Like, your parents can't be like, stop doing comedy. Go back to hooking. They can't say that. Like, go do comedy. Do comedy. Just stop fucking people in my house. Just do comedy. I love it.

Well, like, I still do it. Like, when I'm not sucking cocks for money I'm a musician oh my god this is so interesting yeah but it is like yeah this girl like caught me outside the club the other night and she was like you have such a good voice she caught you outside was it the catch me outside girl

now go ahead no she was like you have such a good voice, you should really pursue that. But I was like, but I'm such a good hooker. I feel like that would be a waste of my talent. I am so amazed. This is one of those moments where everything that I've ever talked about in comedy makes sense.

I can't imagine how many female comedians have been on this show that have never admitted. Because you know what? You have had hookers on this show before. No doubt. We probably had two on already on tonight's episode. I laughed at my own joke on that one. We definitely had a couple.

So how much, like 15 minutes, like roses, how much do you charge? Jesus Christ, Brian. I laughed at my own joke on that one. We definitely had a couple. So how much, like, 15 minutes, like, roses, how much do you charge? Wow, Jesus Christ, Brian. You're going to the best question right away? I want to know what kind of hooker we're talking about. This is a hooker. You have to warm up before you get to the big questions. You don't just shoot your load on her face right when she walks in the door. It was a trick question.

I said 15 minutes. How many? How much per 15 minutes? Yeah. I mean, we could How many? How much per 15 minutes? Yeah. I mean, we could work out an exchange for stage time. All right. You ever been to the Ice House? Oh, my God.

I like that. Is your hooker name Emo Phillips? All right. Or Didi Ramon? Hey, man, watch your mouth. It's a hooker you're talking to. I'm sorry wow that is so interesting I like the name Sky for like hooker shit it just feels limitless

oh hell yeah can we hear you sing you said the girl said your voice was dope no but like the thing is like sucking cock for money like keeps my voice on point because I'm always coating my throat with, like, various proteins and vitamins

from different sources. Oh, my God. So it, like, we kind of work together. Can you give us a little example? Can you sing a little acapella or something like that? This is, like, this is, like,

this is, this is, this is Tokyo. This is the first time we've had a hooker sing. You know what? I can't. I don't know. I think she's nervous for the first time. Come on.

By hook or by cook. All right. Okay. You jack off nine times every day. I think you're bleeding like me. Just because I don't follow doesn't mean I think I got the lead. Wow. There you go.

Tokyo Cunt Punch vocals. Give it up for Sarah McCaughlin. I should have done a comedy song. You know what? You got an okay voice for a hooker. I'll tell you that. You're a lot like Sia. Sia on Craigslist or something like that.

Do you fuck with Craigslist? Is that how you heard it? Is that how Brian should contact you? What did you say? Sorry. What did you say? He wants to know if you're on. He can find you on Craigslist.

He's going to find you just fine. Just like hookers.com. Right. I have some questions. Is that straightforward? I have some questions for you, Tokyo. I think we're warmed up enough to get to them. No charge for that.

I love it. Well, that's actually going to be one of my questions is can you give us a ballpark of what's on the menu? Like, is that OK? Like, is that a cool thing? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where the line is with hookers. I don't know.

I'm just going to keep asking questions until you tell me to go fuck myself. If you're looking to spice up your marriage, I will tell you, nothing in the ass but a finger or a tongue. Now is it all you can eat? What are we talking about? Hold on one second.

Hold on one second. Let me try to... Can you repeat that one more time about finger or tongue? I missed something there. Nothing in the ass but a finger or a tongue. Wow, that's adorable. Okay. It helps you clean.

I like that there's a line. So what else is there? It's pretty much just fair game other than that. Don't put any bookmarks in your ass or anything like that. I don't like those little cheap toys. No chess pieces or anything like that. How much to never talk?

Joelberg, come on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How much to never talk again? No, Joel, stop it. I prefer that. I prefer sorry. How much to never talk again? No, Joel, stop it. I prefer that. But unfortunately, they all want to be like, oh, I love you.

I love you. You know what I'm saying? I got you. I got you. So, Tokyo, let's get back to my original question. We're talking about the menu here. So is it like all-inclusive? Is it just for a time slot?

Or do you do like certain things? It's a time slot. I think I'm pretty generous with my time slot. I have a suggestion. Yes, go ahead. Pretty generous with your time slot. All right. I have a suggestion for a menu item.

I think that you should label a five-minute area pricing, like Fast and Furious, Tokyo Fist. All right. Okay. So back to it. It's five minutes. It's a fist. All right. Okay. So back to it. It's five minutes. It's a fist. Got it.

It writes itself. Yes. Clearly it does. So Tokyo. Her name's Tokyo. It's a great. 15, 30. Like what are the time?

What are the option limits? Like how does that work? I feel like a lot of bitches, single bitches be giving it up for free in L.A. and driving down the cost of pussy, making my life hard. Right. So, no, because people are very rude to hookers. Do you do that on stage?

Is that one of the jokes that you do? Not exactly the way I just said it. If you talk about being a hooker on stage, you should be coding it with truths like that that seem like they're not even jokes, and then when you hit jokes, you're just killing already. And their names and where to find them on the internet.

Okay, Red Band. Very good. Red Band is so excited. This is the most he's talked in weeks. I have more questions. She hasn't answered my questions yet. A couple hours. I'm going to go through my list of questions.

Stop fighting over the hooker. Jesus Christ. I'm going to find out this exact... I'm going to get an answer. Is that me? There's enough to go around for everybody. Stop fighting. Jesus.

So time slots. Let's talk about it. Bitches be driving down. We got that. They driving down the market. But what's yours? I'll do a couple of hours. I don't do shit for less than

like four you know 400 but my actually my monthly has gone like way up like so i don't know do you do couples huh do you do couples don't i don't prefer it it's just like twice the risk of stds yeah but what if she's an asian girl huh nothing i mean all right red band give that microphone a little breath for a second here you You're out of control right now. I feel like if Red Band was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, this would be his phone a friend. That is a good phone a friend, especially since she was the host of The Weakest Link at one point. It's an old reference. Goodbye.

My mom is also in the audience. Mom mom I just want to thank you so much get the fuck out of here shut up you're so funny you are one funny little hooker you know that she always did tell me don't be afraid of hard work and I kind of have to thank her in my own way I love that

wow how long of sets do you usually do what's the longest set? Go ahead, Red Band. It's the question everybody wants to know the answer to. What's the longest you've ever been on stage? I really care about your career. I was going to ask you to go to the ice house.

I bet you are. Okay, get it out of the way. I still have one more question after he's done flirting with you. I think I've got about 20 minutes, but usually I don't go over like 8. Well, this Friday, if you want to do a spot at the Ice House at 8 o'clock, show. 8.30 show. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Red Band, put your dick away, Red Band. Oh, my God. I'm going to suck your dick so good. Okay, hold on, hold on. No, no, no. I don't want to hear that.

Hold on. Everybody relax. This is a legit spot. Relax. Tip, safe word, safe word, safe word. There is no safe word. Take that, burgeoning comedians. A hooker just got booked over here.

I just got booked over here. The ones laughing and clapping have a chance in this business. The one stone face over there. I guess it just means honesty pays off. That's all. That's exactly what this is. Okay, last question. We've already spent more time with you than anybody else here tonight,

but I have a very important question that I've been dying to ask since you said you were a hooker. What is the most business you've had in one day? I think like five dudes. And two of them weren't even Johns. I just needed to spice it up. Because some of them are so gross you have to balance it out with a hot model. Whoa. And then I remember one night I got home to my place and some like stockbroker from downtown was just like waiting for me and i was like this is cool like i'll just make another couple hundred like um so yeah i was five guys in

a day that's why i'm always like i'm always like laugh when guys are like sometimes i need to fuck two girls in a day and i'm just like that's cute. Is there ever a... You got a built in comedy. It's just true though. Do you have a code word for the gross dudes? Like I got this model then another red band. Wow. My goodness.

So do you ever have like a regular steady boyfriend or anything like this since you started doing this five years ago? No. I have like a regular dude that thinks that I love him. Ah. And I have a gorgeous little chocolate baby that doesn't know my comedy and will not learn about my comedy

because he like is so nice you have a son yeah he's like basically like my child oh not really wait what the fuck is happening oh wait no he's just an innocent, you know, guy.

Like, you know, I caught him, like, singing some Pharrell one night, and, like, he just doesn't know, like, what my comedy's about. So he knows you're a hooker, but he doesn't know that you do comedy? No, he doesn't even know. He doesn't know anything. No, he thinks I'm a PA. Really? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Pussy and ass? Poor guy. Yeah. I just don't want to fuck it up with him. He's so cute. Wow. You are a velocirapt him. He's so cute. Wow. You are a velociraptor.

Let's hope he doesn't watch Kill Tony. Yeah. Very interesting, Tokyo Cun Punch. I mean, I just don't know what else to say. Thank you. You do it right. You came up and you talked about something that only you can talk about

that's super fucking compelling and interesting. And yeah. I didn't want to... I didn't think... I said, she has to follow this name. Right? And she more than followed her fucking name. So I'll give you props for that.

Very cool. Tokyo Cunt Punch. She's on Instagram. At Tokyo Cunt Punch with a K. Very cool. Tokyo Cunt Punch. She's on Instagram at Tokyo Cunt Punch with a K. Very funny. All right. Before we go back to the bucket, let's have some fun here. We have a regular on this show. He writes and performs a brand new minute every single week.

But before we go to him, let's talk about who brought you tonight's episode. Can I just say it was just fun talking to a hooker without being on the clock. It's true. That's all free time. Hopefully she doesn't send a bill to everybody in the room. A little bit more from our sponsor. Just a little reminder, guys, that Infinite CBD offers the cleanest, healthiest

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They have a wide variety of products combining CBD with plant terpenes and other nutrients to help you live a better life. So go to InfiniteCBD.com, use the promo code KILLTONY, and save some money. That's InfiniteCBD.com, use the promo code KILLTONY, and save on your next purchase. And we're back. Hey, that was great. Back to the show, and our regular is ready to go. He writes and performs a brand new minute every single week,

has an unbelievable delivery style, an unbelievable comedic style. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of my favorite Top Young Rising comedians, the great William Montgomery, everybody. Here he comes. I'm crazy for the love. Very funny. So crazy. Here he is in the flesh.

Come on, guys. William Montgomery. So I just got accepted into DeVry's psychic program. I knew I would. I'm a fucking psychic. Just not that good at it. So I've been calling a bunch of classified ads recently, not really to buy anything, just to talk.

And after about five minutes, they're always like, hold on, is this William? And I'm like, yeah, it is. You know I'm lonely. You know I used to live with my half-aunt in Washington in the early 1980s. You know she died when Mount St. Helens

erupted. I think you'll like this next one. Uh. Um. I think you'll like this next one. So yeah, this is called Baseball. Oh yeah. Thousand Yard Stare from William Montgomery to close this set. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I am horribly on edge. I am little starstruck. Love you in Kangaroo Jack. Wait a second. I don't know what that means, William. Are you taking a shot? I don't know what Kangaroo Jack is. I'm kidding.

It's my favorite film. I'm good with it. I don't know. Okay. How about one more time For William Montgomery So let's talk about it William DeVry psychic is this true It is yeah I spent

$20,000 on one of the opening Tests I was pretty sure I was going to pass Luckily I did Why don't you do a reading on one of the opening tests. I was pretty sure I was going to pass. Luckily, I did. Why don't you do a reading on one of these audience members? Why don't you pick your favorite? Hey, Anthony. Your name's Anthony, right?

Yeah. Your name's Anthony, right? How's your leg doing? By the way, fun fact, the guy he's talking to in the front row just looked back at him and said, we met two weeks ago. Clearly, William remembers his name is Anthony.

Is there someone else that you could do a reading? Hey, Spencer, how's your arm doing? It looks like your fingers are limp. Is it better? Oh, my God. This is a psychic that only asks people how his body parts are doing. Hello, Tyler.

How is your ear feeling? Hey, Ralph. I see you crossing your ankles. What happened last night? Did you break it? Ankles? His legs crossed. What? Shouldn't you know what happened last night?

Yeah. Aren't you the psychic? Are you giving these people a checkup? Hey, Samantha, do your neck back a little bit? Are your lymph nodes still swollen? And Samantha is actually my cousin. Let's give it up. Wow. That actually is Samantha is actually my cousin. Let's give it up. Wow, that actually is Samantha.

I know Samantha. She reads Braille, which means she can't see. Oh my goodness, William. Very smart. Can you do a reading for me? Tell me something that the people don't know about me. Perhaps expose something wild right now on the show.

Go ahead. Tony, what scares me, I think you're in a similar boat as me. I eat a bunch of mac and cheese, a bunch of Wendy's, Dave's Doubles. I got the app. I'm worried about your heart health. I mean, it appears you're healthy. It appears I'm healthy. Y'all might not believe that with this

gut situation. I've lost 50 pounds. Wow. Thank y'all so much. Nordic track. Nordic? Do you use it? It's a ski machine. You might be the most Nordic looking guy that's ever been on a Nordic track. A ski machine? Ski machine.

So Ian, William lies about everything. Much like, this is why I love him, he's an anomaly. Much like the opposite of the honest hooker, William just lies about everything, and somehow it's still, he finds a way to make it work. Yeah, that works. A good liar or an honest person.

That's right. He's a great liar. Is that Spencer Stevens right there? That's an answer. How's your eardrum doing? We were messing around with the Q-tips last night, and you shoved that motherfucker so deep in your ear. We were both laughing. William, what else has been going on this week?

Anything else crazy? Not a lot. I have an RC car now. I got it off Amazon. I have an Amazon Prime account. It's a 1 20th scale of an actual Porsche. It goes super fast. Scale miles per hour, it's going 200.

My goodness. Yesterday. It's going 200. My goodness. Yesterday. Michael Jefferson? Whoa. Does he have an alien? How are your ribs doing? We really tumbled down the stairs last night. Are you doing better?

Cool. Wow. This is very impressive what you're doing. My mind is blown. How about Ian? Do you have a reading for ian ian it just it's it's more of a memory of i'm really worried now just you and i in nebraska we i used to open for ian i'm hoping after this you're really going to consider it again you know i'm living in literally the sewers. I need a gig.

I'm hurt. I'm lonely. Are you asking him for work? Just consider yourself booked all year now. Don't worry. I got you. Thank you so much. Basically, we were in Lincoln, Nebraska, going in Bank of America's,

just holding them up at knife point. I had a couple knives at the time. Ian was, you were throwing those suckers around. Where'd you learn how to do that? Hey, man. When you grew up in Nebraska, you know how it is. My goodness. So, William, I'm going to break the wall.

I'm going to break all the walls down here for a second. I'm going to share something with this audience. Last night I had a spot here at the Comedy Store. You just so happened to be hanging out and I chatted with you for a bit. And you mentioned to me that you've been

seeing a girl lately for the first time. This crowd seems very intrigued now, and it seemed like you were being honest at the time, which surprised me. I was. She is actually here tonight. The plan is afterwards.

She has some really good liquid acid. We're going to go back to Reseda. Maybe I'll take two squirts tonight. Wow. And just watch Tool music videos and have to pee real bad but refuse to go out of her bedroom. Literally

two hours in, yeah, out of an eight hour ordeal. Is this girl's name Tokyo Cunt Punch by any chance? Are you the guy that she thinks loves her? No, you're the big baby, brown baby. Yeah, I mean, I literally, I think, I've been very alone for 10 years.

I think something that really sort of changed my mindset, if y'all see this gut I'm working with, I literally have Lyme's disease. I brought it up before. Lyme's? Plural? Yeah, Lyme's disease. I brought it up before. Lyme's? Plural? Yeah, Lyme's disease. I was bit by multiple ticks.

How'd you get bit by ticks? I was out in the woods. I was with Ian in Nebraska. I'm no fool, man. I bring someone who's more biteable than me. You know what I'm no fool, man. I bring someone who's more biteable than me. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, it turned into a horrible ordeal. This was like six months ago.

It was really cold. It was freezing cold. I had fun, too. I mean, it was a hell of a time. We were out in the woods. Two person... Well, William, you're so much fun, dude. I can't tell you how much I love having you on this show

every single week. A new minute every week. Thank you so much. There he goes, William Montgomery. Thank you so much. You know what? Before we go back to that bucket one more time, what do you say we do something fun, huh? Because William's a regular on this show. We have an amazing track record of picking regulars

and helping their careers blossom and flourish. So why don't we bring up one of our favorite regulars of all time in the history of the show that hasn't been here for quite a while to perform a new minute. Ladies and gentlemen, from the new Rick and Morty video game with his new comedy album, ladies and gentlemen, the return of Malcolm Hatchet. Wow. What a special episode of Kill Tony Hell yeah, what's happening? I work at a chicken job

Duh, you know It's in the valley I work at a chicken job It's called Cooking Chicken And it's nice It's owned by Armenians Armenians are cool They look like Grand Theft Auto characters, you know

Every time I go to work I feel like I'm going on a mission And it's nice. It's owned by Armenians. Armenians are cool. They look like Grand Theft Auto characters, you know? Every time I go to work, it feel like I'm going on a mission. Just like the game. And it's nice. It's Nashville-style chicken, so it's Southern, you know? It ain't got nothing to do with the West Coast, so it's country food. So it's really good. And the white folks, I'm the only black dude working. You know, it's Mexicans and Armenians in the grill.

So the white folks just think I got something to do with the flavor. For real, they come there, they say, ooh, this is you! What did you do? I came here ten minutes late and served your ass, old lady. Now get them crumbs off your face, bitch, you look disgusting. And everything on the menu was the same. They just worded different. It was like a chicken sandwich

and chicken sandwich with a paper plate. Chicken sandwich with a napkin. It was a lot of chicken shit. That's it. Thank you. Wow. Malcolm Hatchett. Heck yeah, man. Welcome back. Good to see you, pal. Very exciting. As always,

not surprised. Another brand new hilarious minute from you This is very exciting To find out that You're working a job at a chicken place Oh yeah, I don't know if you remember It used to be the pizza place And then they started selling pizza and chicken

They was being greedy so they had to pick one So they picked chicken The Armenians I love how you say Armenian by the way You call them Armenians Armenian men, they be getting that pain. I love how you say Armenian, by the way. You call them Armenians. Shit, Armenian, they are something. You know how they look. Armenian.

I love it, man. Them angry people, Tony. Heck yeah. They look like this. They ever yell at you? Yeah, yeah. They cool, because if I quit there, they'll allow me to come back. I quit a few times

throughout the week, but they schedule me late. Heck yeah. A few times throughout the week? It's hilarious. I take somebody else's. I love it. It's perfect. You just quit and come back. They're just like, we'll leave the door open for you.

I love that. Interesting. What else is going on in life? You're working a lot? You have a new comedy album out? Oh yeah, Wired Talk. Go grab that. Wired Talk. Available everywhere. Oh, I got this shirt from my friend's

evidence. I had to shout him out. They brought it to the chicken job last night. I gave him some free food, so they gave me some outfits. Wow. Well, they already had it for me. They were just giving it to me. Look at that. Chicken for clothes trade-off. Very exciting. How about in life? You still living in the car? No, it's towed. It's in the tow yard now. My car is living elsewhere now.

Because I got to pay. Yo, you know, they say, they normally say in three months, if you don't get your car, they get rid of it. But they say it so many times, they say in one month, they're just going to get rid of it. So it's like, no, I just Uber around now. I be Ubering, talking to the people. Where do you sleep? In the Uber? No, no, no. I sleep in my girl's house in the valley.

Nice. It's like five minutes from there. Yes. All right. Heck, yeah. It's near the chicken job. That's fun. So you're in a new video game, and you're a pretty Yes, all right. Heck, yeah. It's near the chicken job. That's fun. So you're in a new video game, and you're a pretty big character in there.

Oh, yeah. Trover Saves the Universe. It's Justin Roland's new game from Rick and Morty. Yeah. Awesome video game. You got to go to E3 this year. How does it feel, man? It's nice.

It's nice. Justin, man, he found me from the show, and he really humble. He really humble. It's like when I'm hanging with him, I feel like I'm the star. It's like, no, no, Justin, I'm with you, chilling. So it's like hanging with a friend. It's nice. It's awesome, man.

Justin's a big fan of Kill Tony. Yeah, he loves it. He loves it. I think he's just nervous about coming up. He's really nervous. Yeah. He nervous. He should be.

He don't think he's funny. He was like, I'm scared. They might roast me. I was like, well, fuck it. Roast him back. Maybe we could have you and him on the show together. Oh, hell yeah. And I bring some chicken for all of us.

Some chicken. Heck yeah, man. That is so fun. We got Aphrodite chiming in over there. She be playing her music. Every time I see her, she play her music. She sound good. She play good music I love it This girl you're living with Is she fun?

Oh yeah she fun Yeah she fun You know she stressful You know how I be talking She stressful That's why I started boxing I had to hit something Oh you're boxing now?

Is that true? Yeah oh yeah I be boxing I like it It's tough man Cause I still be eating The cakes and shit Yeah It is tough It's really hard to, because I still be eating the cakes and shit. Yeah.

It is tough. It's really hard to eat shitty. What is she stressing you about? Shit, just like, man, because you know me, man. I like to have the shirt up, butt, and I like the girls complimenting me. You know, ah, ah. No, I'm not gay. I'm going to accept it. Hey, boo, how you doing?

And she don't like that. She don't like that. She nice, though. She nice. She real. She a real one. She going to beat me when she see this. And I'm going to let her, yeah. Oh, though. She nice. She real. She real. She going to beat me when she see this. And I'm going to let her, yeah.

Oh, shit. My goodness. I miss this. This is nice. I started a podcast from then. Yeah, what's the podcast? It's called Wherever I'm At with Malcolm because I'm all over the place. No location.

Oh, that's great. Wow. You do it on Instagram, right? Hmm? You do it on Instagram? No, I literally do it off my phone and I send it to my friend Jesse Hayes out in Florida. He found me from the show and he like edits it up and drops it every week. That's great.

That's so cool. I just be talking. Hey, what's up? I'm at the park eating an apple. It's the podcast. The park eating an apple. Go get it. Every Tuesday and Friday. Very interesting. My goodness. Family's good? You go back to North Carolina recently?

I'm going back on the 25th. My niece, she finna turn one. You're going back for a niece's one-year-old birthday? My birthday. Yeah, well, you know, it's like, shit, you gotta help raise me. Plus, I didn't see her be born. Plus, I'm really close to my brother, so it's like, shit, he created it. I wanna hold it, too, you know?

Oh, that's cool. That's great, man. Wow, you're such a good person with such a good soul. Yeah, I can tell jokes back home. I go home and perform but i want to see the family i remember when my uncle held me at one years old said nobody ever in history i love it man you're such a good guy malcolm we're so fucking proud of your growth and success. And there you have it. Another brand new minute. Come back anytime, pal.

There he goes, Malcolm Hatchet. Hell yeah. I missed him so much, man. He's great. Legend. Kill Tony, legend. What do you guys think? One last bucket pool?

I don't know. I only heard the... Nobody in the back of the room made any noise. Should we do one more? All right. Fuck it. That trick always works. Okay.

Here we go. Your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Katie Faith. Wow. A lot of females tonight. She said yes. She said yes. Here she comes. A hard sprint.

She's going to probably be out of breath after this. One more time for Katie Faith. Hi. Hello. Hi. Hi. How are you? My name is Katie Faith. it's my real name.

Not to be confused with anyone who is religious, though I did grow up outside of Boston, so there's a good chance my father was touched by priests and my mother was tortured by nuns. I've had a very culturally stimulating month. I'm sorry, quick brag, I'm usually depressed. But I traveled a lot, I went to New York City. I saw a Broadway show, a Mozart opera.

I had sex with my first black guy. Yeah, I know. I feel bougie and bonafide. I really wish I was a tomboy filled with body positivity, but I'm basically a Disney princess filled with toxic shame. Like, if these tits could talk, they'd say, bitch, we have gotten you everywhere, everyone and everything.

Pull your weight. Face, is this what you call personality? We had braces on twice for this. Meow. I'm Katie Faith. Katie Faith. There you go. Wow. My goodness.

Hilarious. Hi. What a little spunky ball of energy you are. Thank you. It was the show. What can I say? Welcome. Welcome.

Something there. Something there. Thanks. My goodness. So you're from Boston. You're usually depressed. You had sex with your first black guy recently. It's true. Yeah, I did.

Wow. How'd that happen? What'd you do? I still haven't done that yet. I don't really know how it happened. It just did. I don't want to go back. I don't want to say the cheap phrase, but I don't want to go back. Is that true? Yeah. My goodness. Just tell me what was so great about it.

Well, my... I want to see if he was following the rules. What are the rules? Is there like a certain... There's a list of things that we're supposed to do. Is there like a certain amount of depth you're allowed to go in on? Let's see what she says. No, I mean, he was very supportive.

My condoms went from looking like squares to rectangles, so I just feel like a winner. I don't... Wait, what condoms? My condoms went from looking like squares to rectangles, so I just feel like a winner. I don't think he delivered. Wait, what condoms? Like, I had to get extra large condoms. How did they look like a square? Because they start like this, and it's like a fun bit candy that you just open up, and the condom gets just huge.

Wow. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. So I think I benefited. You did your thing. How many, how'd you guys meet? How'd you meet this guy? Oh, you know.

He delivered you chicken one night and then. No, but that guy was sweet. He's like, hey, can I crash at your place tonight? You live in the valley. I do have a house. I do have a home. I know. His new podcast goes up. So I just had sex with this white woman.

Yeah. So how did you meet this guy? Oh, he's a comedian. Whoa. Is he directly to your left right now? No, no, no, he's not. So you were doing an open mic something like that yeah and he's like hey you want to grab a drink or something like that yeah i mean i thought he was

cute for a while and finally one day he noticed me and then how did it how did the first interact first sexual like first hint that you knew that you guys were gonna bone like what was that like first hint i was gonna bone i mean i don't i i don't know it doesn't happen often so he seemed interested and i just kind of took advantage of the moment what did he do that made you think that he seemed he asked for a ride home oh and then what happened then he invited you in and then i couldn't find my keys and he took he took it as a moment or something like as a signal and just turned and kissed. Very romantic.

It was nice. I can't. Wait, you couldn't find your keys when? I was at my car, and I couldn't find the keys. He stole your keys? Wow. No. Come on.

No. Where was he? He was on the other side of you? He wasn't on the passenger side? Yeah. Strangely enough, he was on the driver's side. He wasn't standing by the passenger door. I put my bag down.

I was looking for my keys. Rico Suave turned me around and took advantage of the moment. Where was this at? Sometimes I parked down at Santa Monica Boulevard because it was after a night at the Comedy Store because I love the Comedy Store. All right. Relax.

Your energy kicks in at very weird times. love the comedy store. Alright, relax. Relax. Your energy kicks in at very weird times. I am just so delighted to be here, Tony. How are you depressed? I know. It's impossible. It's like on and off. Yeah, that's called bipolar. Oh, okay. And this is a manic episode.

Absolutely. Wow, so that's so interesting. Katie, how long have you lived in L.A.? Five years. Five years. What do you do for work? I'm a bar supervisor, and I also host a porn trivia show dressed up as a nun where I work. Two-Bit Circus.

Wow. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, you got a standing ovation from Red Band. If anyone knows these porn trivia games, it's Red Band. Old Nintendo games. It's fun. VR, story rooms. Oh my goodness. Someone's about to get a spot at the Ice House. Hey, so...

Wow. I'm not a sex worker, though. Interesting. Fuck yeah, Katie. What else do you do for fun? I read tarot cards. That's kind of fun. Oh, yeah? Again, the trivia show, porn, dressing up as a nun.

That's fun. Yeah, you know, work a lot. What does an average morning look like for you? What do you do to start the day? Definitely smoke pot and masturbate. That's right. Wow, is that true? That's exactly what I do

when I wake up. Yeah. You listen to the I'm all about equality. I heard guys do it, so I do it. Let me ask you this. This is a very Howard Stern question,

but when you masturbate, how do you go about it? Not inserting anything into the pousse. Wow. Everything goes into the butthole. Well, I think I could... No, not that either. That is not pleasure town. like if no not that either that is not pleasure town

you're a humper that is not pleasure town only a finger or a tongue is what I heard I'm surprised she's not a little bit looser in those morals on her menu I would think it would all be available there's other very loose things about her you don't need to worry about that yeah well you know how like guys

brag about having big dicks I think girls should brag about having tight, wet pussies. Oh, my God. I don't let anything in there unless it's a dick. Oh, wow. That's very impressive. So, okay. You never like a shampoo bottle? Nothing?

No. I'm not like 12. What is that? What about this? No. Come on. Yeah, you ever go clubbing? That's for Tokyo Cunt Punch because that would be a cunt punch.

For Game of Thrones. That would be a cunt punch. She wanted something like that inside. Geez. There you go. Wow. All right. But I've been doing stand-up for six months, and I've been signing up for six months.

I just realized what Jeremiah looks like, by the way. I just figured it out. It's Walter White at the end of Breaking Bad. Like the very end when he went up in the mountains in Vermont, undercover, and he just let all the cancer just take him over for

a while. That's what he looked like. Season 7, episode 8. Something like that. Maybe episode 4 or 5. Katie, so much fun. You have a great energy about you. Very good jokes. You knew exactly

when your minute was. You meowed yourself off at 58 seconds. Very interesting interview. A lot of very funny ladies on tonight's show. How about one more time for Katie Faith, everybody? Katie Faith Madzar on Instagram. And yeah, that's show. How about one more time for Katie Faith, everybody? Katie Faith Madzar on Instagram. Good energy.

And yeah, that's it. We did it. That's another episode of Kill Tony. Did you guys have fun tonight? Alright. Let's talk about it. Philly, Pittsburgh, Fort Wayne, Miami, West Palm Beach, Kill Tony Mania, Red Band's headlining San Diego,

and this weekend is in Toledo at the Funny Bone. Next weekend, Mohegan Sun at Comics in Connecticut. Ian Edwards with his new special, Ian Talk. Make sure you watch it. It's at ComedyCentral.com. Watch it. Put it up on the big screen. Reagan Watkins going back to Phoenix with Joel Jimenez this Thursday

at Stand Up Live. JeremiahWatkins.com. Kevin Mack on the new episode of Jeremiah Wonders. And this Saturday, the whole crew, the whole band is at Huntington Beach doing stand-up comedy with a special appearance by William Montgomery. And Reagan and Watkins closes

out that show. Jeremiah is on social media. Jeremiah is stand-up and on YouTube at Jeremiah Watkins. Anything else? Thank you for the support. Phoenix, we'll see you this week. Huntington Beach, we'll see you this week with the Whole Kill Tony band and William Montgomery. Thank you.

There you go. Hell yeah. How about one more time good and loud for Jeremiah Watkins, everybody? Come on. All right. How about one more time for Chroma Chris over there, huh? Silent but deadly.

Chroma, what did you think about tonight's episode? Fire! I love it. How about one more time, good and loud, for Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everyone, huh? We love you, Joel. He's on social media, mostly sorry he's one of the official artists of

Ludwig drums anything else Joel yeah thanks to Ludwig also Ian is one of my favorite comedians you guys should check out his special support everything he does Ian is one of all of our favorite comedians anything else you want to promote or say anything Ian you get a chance just go to

Comedy Central website and check out the special. Yep. And some people can't get through, so just register. If you don't have the Comedy Central subscription, just register for a 24-hour pass. Yeah, you get a 24-hour pass. And then you can watch it. There you go. Ian Talk.

Is that all one word? Ian Talk? Ian Talk. Yeah, one word. Beautiful. That's right. We did it again. L.A. or our friends over at Speedweed, did you do a poll tonight?

Who won? Somebody won like a bunch of pot or something like that, huh? Someone that goes by the name of Jenny Walton just won $500 of marijuana product because she signed up. Yeah, if you guys come to the show, always sign up and get some free weed. I think she just won like over $400 worth of weed and some gift certificates. Absolutely. Which reminds me, while we're talking about marijuana, make sure you check out Infinite CBD and go use the promo code KILLTONY.

Save 15% off your next order. Live audience, thank you so much. We love it. Every single Monday you guys show up. It's so great. We love love you we'll see you next week see you guys with the great Greg Fitzsimmons will be joining us again and look out we have two appearances

coming up in August from Big J Oakerson back to back weeks it's going to be Big J Oakerson appreciation week live in the middle of August. Good night, everybody.