KILL TONY - KILL TONY #383 - FT WAYNE #2

Episode Date: August 8, 2019

Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 08/03/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.TV. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And if you click on Tour Dates, you can come see us live. Not only are we at the Comedy Store every Monday, but we are on the road. October 3rd, we're in Dallas, Texas. October 16th and 17th, we are in Sacramento. Dallas, Texas, October 16th and 17th.

We are in Sacramento, October 18th and 19th. We are in San Francisco for Kill Tony Mania. And November 17th, we're in Washington, D.C. We have a bunch of new dates about to be added, so go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates for the latest information. Also, Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website. He's got some dates up there. He's got some merch. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything.

Golden Pony. And Ryan J. Ebelt has his own website. He draws every episode. Ryan J. Ebelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you got the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Ray Bank coming to you live from Lutz Fest in Fort Wayne, Indiana for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hickscliff. Fort Wayne, Indiana. Come on, people are listening to this all around the world. Make some fucking noise. Yippee-doo-dah fucking day. Hey, look, it's Brian Redman again.

Again and again and again and again. How exciting is this? Our second show here In Fort Wayne, Indiana Listen to the electricity Yeah Our first one was at like 1.30 in the afternoon That's our first time we ever had such an early

We had the great Todd Berry here How many of you were here for that show? Once you go Tony You need that sweet, sweet bony, and you're back for more. So fun that you're back. We do these shows on the road all the time. It's crazy.

And we're also full-time stand-up comedians. Like, I'm headlining the Miami Improv all week next week and the first weekend of September. And Red Band headlines the San Diego American Comedy Company August 17th. And I do the Hollywood Improv August 23rd.

And then we do a Kill Tony in Dallas October 3rd through the 5th with a weekend of stand-up after that. Me headlining and some guests and friends of Kill Tony. We have a lot of friends in Dallas. And the Road to Kill Tony Mania starts October 16th through the 17th in

Sacramento, California. And then the next two nights, that's it. San Francisco Kill Tony Mania, our biggest annual event. Four Kill Tonys in two days, featuring many, many, many special appearances by all your favorite Kill Tony characters, past, present, future. Then

11-7 DC and 11-8-9 stand-up in Washington DC. Goes on and on. So that's exciting stuff. We have the new Reagan and Watkins album available for sale after the show

for you Reagan and Watkins fans. And we also have the new official Kill Tony pins and also Tony Hinchcliffe pins. You guys like pins? Liars. That was a test to see how honest you were. Nobody goes that crazy for pins. See? Sometimes I gotta check ya.

We're going guest list on this one, as we do with all of our road shows. You know, just plow right through the machine. Get to the real fuckin' grits. Have a real dirty late night raw episode of Kill Tony here in fucking Fort Wayne. So let's do it. However, we do have a band, ladies and gentlemen. They are the best damn band in the land.

It's my favorite thing in all of comedy. We have the band leader here tonight. Every single episode, if you don't know, he commits to being a different character. Sometimes it's a brand new character we've never seen before. Sometimes it's the return of one of his famous characters that we've grown to love. His last episode, he was a Native American mailman. Very Native American, slightly mailman. And he's back again.

Let's see what he is. Right now, I present to you the leader of the Kill Tony band, Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. What is this gonna be? What? Is that who I think it is? Oh my God. No fucking way. Whoa!

My God. No fucking way. Whoa! Holy shit. It's Kid Rock for the first time ever. Oh, my God. This is going to be fun. My name is Kid! Kid Rock!

Wow. This is incredible. I know for a fact we've never had Kid Rock on the show. I can just tell this is going to be a blast. What an honor it is to have you, Kid Rock. Do you know what show you're at? Yeah, one of my biggest fan bases, Fort Wayne, Indiana. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow, this is exciting. For those of you listening, it looks exactly like Kid Rock. Or Courtney loved being Kid Rock on Halloween or something like that. But no, he looks exactly like Kid Rock or Ichabod, one of our favorite characters. But I love it. I'm excited that you're here, kid. You came down from Detroit for this?

You know! Wow. I'm so excited. This is going to be so much fun meeting and seeing comedians with one of the great legends of, what would we call that? Rock rap? Rock? Yeah, rock, rap, country, all the genres.

Hell yeah. Just fucking dirt ball rock and roll i guess we would call it fucking some real fucking you're like the elvis presley of fort wayne basically yeah it's called white trash key cheesecake hell yeah well we have kid rock we got red band which brings me to this hey look it's the bucket of fort Wayne destiny, which means if I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds on this stage. A bunch of people signed up earlier. Who knows? Maybe it's one of the local comedians trying to make a great escape out of Fort Wayne. Maybe it's a fan of the show who's trying comedy for the first time that once tried to stab somebody.

Anything can happen. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds. Uninterrupted, you know your time is up near the sound of a kitten. Aw, you can barely hear that little kitten. There you go. It's a different cat altogether, but that's not the one you're going to hear when you hit your time, so remember to listen for that one.

And then wrap it up then. Earl, you're going to bring out the angry West Central Bear. See that? that one didn't work that time. Earl, she's going to bring out the angry Babylon Bear. That sort of worked. I don't think there's

enough gay people in this city. Yeah, I guess not. We sent all the gay people to Indianapolis, you know what I'm saying? Go live in the big city You want to do that gay shit I don't need that being airborne Around me and my family

Here in Fort Wayne Yeah, that's how you get it From the air? Yeah This guy gets it, man Fort Wayne resident, born and raised. All right, so you get it. Let's do it, shall we?

It's Kill Tony live, Fort Wayne, Indiana. This is an exciting show because this is our last show ever in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Are you excited to be here or what? Horse of Truth is already out. All right. I pulled a name out of the bucket. Are you guys excited about this?

All right. Make some noise for your first comedian tonight. He goes by the name of James Alt, everyone. James Alt. Here he is. Alright, what's up, everybody? See, alright, I'm from here, but the last two and a half years,

I've been in a way going to school, and when when you're doing what I'm doing, you meet a a lot of different people and everybody asks where you're from sorry man and when I answer Indiana I get one of a couple different looks and well a lot of the time the look is basically oh and basically they're looking at me and thinking I'm a hick from some small town in Indiana and I always make a point to and thinking I'm a hick from some small town in Indiana. And I always make a point to say that I'm from Fort Wayne and not some tiny town in Indiana.

But I actually am. I'm from a town about 30 minutes north of here that's a small town in Indiana, but it's not a tiny town. There's tiny towns in Indiana that are almost like the small towns, and basically that's where you're going to find the Jerry Springer superstars, you know, like the racist KKK. Wow. Incredible.

You brought out the bear. You brought out the bear. Brought out the bear. You were so hilarious that, you were so hilarious that Red Band started choking on water halfway through your set. It was incredible. Went down the wrong pipe, huh? Yeah.

That's where your jokes should have gone. Down a wrong pipe. How you doing, James? Yeah. That's where your jokes should have gone. Down a wrong pipe. How you doing, James? I'm doing all right. You seem slightly autistic, so I'm going to take it easy on you tonight. All right. I'm just... I'm cool.

I'm cool. We're good. You think you might be a little bit autistic? Nope. Not at all, huh? Not at all. Just right now, in this very moment. I guess so.

I'm shaking a little bit. How long have you been doing stand-up? First time. First time ever. How about that? Come on. That's exciting. That's good. Thank goodness for that. Had you said that you've been a local comedian for seven years,

I would have started to release the latch that makes all the stuff that's on the carpet go straight down into the depths of hell right now. Can I say one thing? Sure, go ahead. Say whatever you want. You had 70 seconds before. You have great timing, too. Your timing is as great as your writing.

Natural podcast skills you have. I mean, it's incredible. I didn't get into the KKK member that's affected my life. Yeah, you're not autistic at all. You're right. Oh, God. I didn't nail that in the first fucking second. No, I'm kidding.

You're completely, completely undiagnosed. It's okay. Kid Rock, what do you think about James Alt? I have no idea what the fuck he was trying to say the entire time. I don't know. My cousin has it, and he may have the tism too, man. It seems like a nice guy. He was trying to say something about the KKK at the end of your set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking about a KKK person that got their nose broken on Jerry Springer, and I didn't get to it. I got all nervous, and I fucked it up. Jerry Springer? Yeah, yeah. I've met two Jerry Springer and I didn't get to I got all nervous and I fucked Jerry Springer yeah yeah I've met two Jerry Springer you know celebrities I guess you've met two Jerry Springer celebrities yeah yeah yeah what like what do you mean oh people that have been on Jerry Springer right right yeah the one that got her nose broken hey man it's a celebrity

me number three right here how you doing kid rocks brother? Kid Rock's been there. All right. So where do you meet these Jerry Springer people at, James? One of the small, tiny towns north of here. Tiny town? The other one, a Walmart here in Fort Wayne. A Walmart? That's where I met one of your just basic guys cheating on her. He wants her fighting over the money. Just this.

Holy shit, James. Where do you live? I live in Fort Wayne. You didn't hear all that talk about the towns, man? Come on. No, I couldn't keep up. It was so... It was an inception of town talk, man.

So what do you do for work? I'm a certified legal intern in Ohio, basically a public defender's office. Basic public defender's office. Public defender's office. So you help the people that can't afford their own... Do not get arrested out here, guys. Take an Uber tonight. Your Honor, if I may.

Obity, obity, obity, obity, obity, obity. Wow. My goodness. I like your style. Kid Rock, you've been in trouble before. What do you think about this guy as your public defender? I trust him, man. Hey, man, you've got to gravitate towards the good people.

Kid Rock! Hey, this is just for the venue. I've done music all over the world, and this is the worst smelling microphone I've ever smelled. Is there a backup microphone? I really don't want to have to smell this the next 90 minutes. This is not even a joke. It smells like ass.

Wow. It smells horrible. I don't know what happened in the six hours between the first show that we did. Some guy is sitting up there just laughing. He's pretending like he's not even on duty. He's just sitting there enjoying the show. All right. So I guess we're going to look into another microphone for you, Kid Rock.

That's a ballsy move. I don't mean to look into another microphone for you, Kid Rock. That's a ball's a move. I don't mean to come off like a celebrity or nothing, but. Right. And it must really be bothering you because I've seen pictures of you before, and your nose is clearly swelling to a great size that it's never reached. Man, I got stung. It's just hanging over that microphone. Hey, man, I got stung by an Indiana bumblebee earlier today, man.

Indiana bumblebee. Speaking of a little Indiana bumblebee, let's get back to you, James. I want to see something here. You have a lot going on, but I was wondering if maybe we could get an act out of what you would be like

defending Kid Rock. So let's say his tour bus got pulled over for marijuana here in the state of Indiana. He was going to do a show at the Indianapolis Speedway like he probably does seven times a year. I may or may not have a slightly underage girl in my tour bus. Yeah. So he got accused for hanging out with a drunk underage girl and he had some marijuana. You're in front of the Fort Wayne

judge. That's me. go right ahead. Hey, did you have any opening statements? Kid Rock's attorney. Here we are, yes. Are you defending this man over here? Yes, Your Honor.

However, I actually work in Ohio courts, and marijuana is decriminalized in Ohio. So I just go to the prosecutor and he tells me we don't really care about marijuana here. I don't care about Ohio, boy, didn't you hear? This is the state of Indiana. You work in Fort Wayne in this. So what's your argument? Well, I'm going to argue that this is just a minor misdemeanor or whatever it is in Indiana.

Well, there's definitely minors involved, too. I read the report here. Nobody got hurt. I'm going to want to ask for discovery so I can see why the hell he got pulled over in the first place and they had any reason to pull him over. And I'm not going to give you any legal advice though because I'm not a lawyer. It said here that they were playing ball with the ball at a loud volume on the highway. A subtle rock and roll hand logo from Kid Rock on that one.

That is what he does. It's like he barely tries. You're right. That's a great... I've just spent so many years rocking, I'm getting tired, man. Am I ever going to become adult rock? Like, seriously, man.

How do you explain the minor That was in his tour bus As far as you said they've just been hanging out It's not legal to hang out with a minor Oh yeah you seem You seem like you would think that way Young Harvey Weinstein As you heard my defendant He's asking for a misdemeanor

So what can we work out man I'd instruct you probably just to zip it. No one tells Kid Rock to shut it! Okay, okay. Alright. Well, James, I find you.

I am an American badass! Hell yeah. Not guilty. Not guilty. James, very fun. You're a bubbly personality. We got off on a the set was horrible.

But you're a likable guy. Rough first minute. You did it for your first time. That's how it goes for a lot of people. It fucking is rough and they forget what they're going to do. At one point you shrugged off a joke, but we plow through it. I had fun with you. Did you have fun?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. You sure? Yeah, yeah. I just wish I would have done better, but I'm good. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Kid Rock! If that's the only question, yeah, I had a good time. Hell, yeah.

Well, there he goes. There he is. James Alt, everybody. Thank you. I had a good time. Hell yeah. Well, there he goes. There he is. James Alt, everybody. Public defender of the court. And, wow. Also a defender of food courts as well, clearly. He's a big boy.

Whoopsie. All right. You guys having fun out there yet? Look at this. We pulled a, we got a lady already. We didn't have one the last show, so this is very exciting. Put your hands together for Stacey Stark. Here we go.

Stacey Stark. Come on, make some noise for Stacey Stark. Come on, make some noise for Stacey, everybody. Hi. I masturbated in the shower today. Thank you. I know that it's not the optimal way of doing it, but it's definitely the cleanest way. Especially for me, you know, because I have two cats. So like if I want to masturbate in my bedroom without my cats bothering me, I have to close my door all the way.

But then that just means that later I'll have to get back up and open my door and I'll have my vagina all over my hands. I don't really want to get my vagina all over my doorknob. I'm done. Hell yeah. Stacey Stark. Stacey, welcome to the show. It's good to be here.

Hell yeah, it is. How long have you been doing comedy? Three years. I was going to be here. Hell yeah, it is. How long have you been doing comedy? Three years. I was going to guess that. Go ahead, Kid Rock. Hey, man, this is the weirdest little boy I've ever seen, man. Wow. Straight to it. How dare you?

You should respect this person. No, that's fair. Comedy genius John Oliver is here, alive, in the flesh. You're adorable. She's not laughing. She's too hip to laugh. Is that like a joke because I look like some guy named John Oliver? Do you know who John Oliver is?

You don't have HBO? Good. He's not an American. Emmy award winning comedian? No? What's that? Emmy award winning comedian, John Oliver? I mean, I've heard his name, but I don't really follow comics. You should watch him on HBO or in a mirror. He played Zazu in The Lion King.

Check it out. He looks like you. It's cool. You look cool, too. You look like you could be an Emmy award winning comedian. That's my point. Anyway. All right. Let's not talk about this winning comedian. That's my point. Anyway. All right.

Let's not talk about this week tonight. Let's talk about tonight tonight. So you've been doing comedy a few years all here in Fort Wayne. Where are you from? I started out doing comedy in Omaha, Nebraska. I moved there from Sioux City, Iowa to do comedy. Sioux City, Iowa. That's where you're from?

Sioux City? I'm from Storm Lake, Iowa, but then I moved to Sioux City, Iowa. How many people are in that city that you are from? That I was born in and raised in? I think 10,000. Wow. What was that like? I knew most of them. How about your parents?

What type of lives do they live? Are they still out there? Yeah, my mom lives in a mental institution because she slit my throat with a box cutter when I was a baby. Wait, what about the box? I just heard box cutter. She slit my throat with a box cutter.

Did she really? She really did. Oh, my God. And she's been in a mental institute... A mental institute... Man, this even fucked me up. Your childhood fucked my life up. Wow, that's incredible.

She's been in a mental institution since that? Or did she get off with that? Is she a public defender now? Is that why she's in the mental institution? Yeah, that's why she's there. And she's been there the whole time? Yeah, for 25 years. Oh, my God.

How old were you when this happened? I was 11 months old. I'm 26 now. Wow. Have you talked to her at all? Man, you must have been a real 11 month old bitch. Kid Rock. That's Kid Rock. We're not responsible for anything he says. He's Kid Rock.

He's a little wild. No, it's fair. Babies suck, right? I guess so. You do talk to her? You say you do talk to her? What? You still talk to her?

No, no, no. I did up until I was like 17, and then I went to visit her, and then no more. She sliced your neck again? Okay, red band. No. Come on. No, she insinuated that she might want to. Protect your neck!

Shit, kid rock. What were you saying? No, the reason I stopped talking to her after I met her is because she insinuated that she might still feel that way. Really? Yeah. Wow. Would you be willing to share what made you feel that?

Was it something she said? Yeah, well, she was just like, oh, you know, I can't wait for us all to die. Wow. Yikes. So even in a mental institution, she's pretty out of touch, huh? How about your dad? Do you have any relationship?

Man, that's rock and roll right there. No, my dad is great. I didn't live with him. I lived with my grandparents growing up, but he lived in the same town as me, and he's always been a major part of my life. He's kind of like the, you know, like the cool guy that I go to and like share my deepest, most intimate, like, you know, life issues with. That's awesome. So how'd you end up here in Fort Wayne? My girlfriend.

Cool. How'd you guys meet? In high school. High school here? No, in Storm Lake Iowa Where I grew up And she came here And like I was in love with her in high school But she was like oh I'm afraid to come out of the closet

And then ten years later You know after she like got married And like had a I was talking But yeah she like got married It's funny for both the lesbian thing I was talking. But yeah, she got married and had a kid. It's funny for both the lesbian thing and the two cats, if you think about it. Sarah McLachlan with a little...

Fast forward to ten years later, you're living in paradise, Fort Wayne, Indiana. That's right. You made it. I made it. I'm here. I'm fucking here. Normally people come here and then they slit their throats.

You got it all figured out. I like it. Wow. So that's cool. Do you have a job out here? I do. Yeah, yeah. What do you do?

I work at a place called Exelon Technologies. And I work at inspection. But the company builds like cords and cables and wire kits for the military. That's awesome. Hell yeah. That is so fucking cool. What do you do for fun? What do I do for fun?

Oh, geez. I watch a lot of TV. Yeah. And I clean. What do you watch? A lot of Lena? You watch a lot of like Lena Dunham? I love Lena Dunham.

Oh, my God. I can't believe you said that. Oh, my God. I can't believe you said that. Oh my god. What? I just always wondered where you people were this entire time. I've always been like who watches this shit? And then here you are.

I finally met you. I had to come all the way here and you had to come all the way from Sioux City or whatever the hell. That is so interesting. It's people like you. It was a long journey for the two of us. It is. And here we are, meeting in the middle.

Are you guys about to scissor what's happening? Scissoring is not a real thing thank you man I fucking you son of a bitch you got me there kid you got me there no we're not gonna scissor

we might suck each other's dicks but we're not gonna scississor. We might suck each other's dicks, but we're not going to scissor. Wow. So that's fun, Stacey. Let me ask you something. Do you talk about that traumatic experience from your childhood in your act at all, three years in? Sometimes I'll just drop the line, my mom slipped my throat with a box cutter when I was a baby, and then I'll move on to something else.

Yeah. slip my throat with a box cutter when I was a baby and then I'll move on to something else. Everything about developing that out a bit because it's such a compelling thing that only you I think in comedy history can probably talk about getting your throat slipped by your mother

at 11 months. That's a good point. I really should. You could be the next fucking Nanette. You could just talk about that for an entire hour. I'm sure, I'm positive you know what the fuck I'm talking next fucking Nanette. You could just talk about that for an entire hour. I'm sure, I'm positive you know what the fuck I'm talking about with Nanette. You could pretend like you don't know John Oliver, but you will never convince me you don't know what the fuck Nanette is.

No, she's that lesbian who always tells sob stories, right? Nailed it. Guess who she looks like? John Oliver. The John Oliver thing bothers you and it shouldn't. He's a good looking guy and a good looking girl at the same time. I don't feel like I look like her

but I don't remember what she looks like either. No, you're right. You look more like John Oliver. Alright, thank you. I really liked your minute. It was ridiculous. Was look more like John Oliver. All right. Thank you. I really liked your minute. Like, it was ridiculous. Like, was there more to that? Or could you just kind of... There was, like, a tiny other second ending part to it,

but I don't necessarily need it. So I didn't do it because I didn't want to go over my time. All right. You are very distinct, I'm sure, especially around here in the fucking middle of the Midwest. I'm surprised that you seem like the type of person that would be on a regular episode in Los Angeles on a Monday at the Comedy Store. So, you know, good for you for that. That's fucking awesome.

Very fun minute. You have a very hip style. I don't know what coffee shop around here you could develop that at. I've never seen an alt comic built at a Starbucks and a shopping mall before, but you must have found the right brew. You're a hip little lady. I started

out in a bar in Omaha. There you go. From box cutter to box muncher, man. How did I not get that? That's incredible. I'm jealous of that joke. For the first time in our history of the show,

I'm literally like, how the fuck? Kid Rock, you are a goddamn guru over here. Hinge, rock! All right. Stacey, fun times. Nice to meet you. Stacey Stark, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

Follower on social media. Steak bully. All one word. Hell yeah. Come on, guys. Make some fucking noise for Stacey Stark. It's a fucking compelling ass story right there. All of that is crazy.

Whoever the brat brat person is, you are on death watch if you're wondering. I already have people just waiting to murder you, so don't do that anymore. That's the worst thing ever. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Tony Watson. Wow, Tony Watson.

Tony Watson. Wow. Tony Watson. Tony Watson. I saw this thing on the news recently about this high school teacher who got caught fucking her students. I don't know what you guys think when you hear about this stuff, but I always have the same thought, which is where were these students when I was a teacher? It's not fair. But then again, I taught sixth grade, so... I know they say age is just a number,

but sixth grade is just a little too old for me. It's just a joke. I don't fuck kids. Not since I got fired. Booyah. Tony, welcome. How's it going, man? Hell yeah.

How long have you been doing comedy for? Ten months. Ten months. All here in Fort Wayne? I'm from Ohio. What part of Ohio? Finley, Ohio. Oh, okay.

Yep. And that's Northwest? I believe so, yeah. Hell yeah. Okay, that's fun. What do you do for work? I was a pro wrestler for a little while. Really?

How long were you a pro wrestler for? Five years. Get the fuck out of here. Man, we've met some cool pro wrestlers lately. You guys had Jon Moxley. We did. The guy that trained him is the guy that trained me. Oh my goodness.

From Ohio Valley Wrestling, right? Or Florida. Heartland Wrestling Association. What was your gimmick or character? I was Tricky Mickey Mavis. Tricky Mickey Mavis. So you were a bad guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I left as a bad guy. You left as a bad guy. I started out as a good guy yeah you left as a bad guy i started out as a good guy so why would they call you tricky mickey i called myself that but why would you call i know that i know that you decided but why what would like what was what were parts of your character uh what made you tricky i was trying to do like a hip-hop, like a 90s, 80s type hip-hop. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did battle rap stuff. Yeah, it didn't work.

So you were like a chubby John Cena sort of. Kind of, yeah. He was like a never runs DMC, man. I guess so. My goodness. So can you give us a little example of what a promo from Tricky Mickey Mavis would be like? I think you people would like to see that, right? It's a real fucking wrestling promo coming at you. He's putting his cup of water down.

Hell yeah. There's a big difference. No. Here he is, Tricky Mickey Mavis. All right. here he goes. I need context. Like, so let's say that, let's say that, oh, okay, hey, I like your fucking style actually let's say you're going up against Kid Rock in a

wrestling match and he just called you a pussy or something like that go ahead there you go run with it Tricky Mickey Mavis he just challenged you to Wrestlemania or some shit fucking anything

Mickey Mavis just god damn fucking really just anything some shit. Fucking anything, Mickey Mays. Just goddamn, fucking really just anything will do. It looks like Kid Rock's about to cut a goddamn promo on you, dude, if you don't get it together. You are nothing! You are complete crap! You are a terrorist, un-American

piece of garbage! And guess what? Tonight, I'm going to pin you like I did every other summer here at SummerSlam 2018, 2017, 2016. Because I'm Kid Rock! He really is. If you wrestle anything like you sing, then I ain't fucking scared of you. Whoa. Oh, shit. Are we about to kiss right now?

Kiss him! Kiss him! For those of you listening, they were totally about to kiss for a second. This is the weirdest wrestling match I've ever seen in my life. This is where the tricky part comes in. Wow. All right, Tricky Mickey. So, Tony Watson, you used to be a pro wrestler. What made you stop?

Comedy. Right. I'll just go with that. Comedy. So now how do you survive? I work at a car factory. Car factory go with that. Comedy. So now how do you survive? I work at a car factory. Car factory? Yeah.

Heck yeah. You're making fucking Silverados, right? Right. The amazing Chevrolet Silverado made here in Fort Wayne. Is that correct? You making trucks? No. I just sort transmission parts all day.

Yeah. Well, in that case, let's change gears. Let's talk about your love life for a second. What's that looking like? I got a girlfriend. Yeah? How long have you been with her? Two and a half years.

Awesome. Did you meet her at the car factory? No, she got me the job at the car factory. Oh, hell yeah. I met her at a Goodwill, actually. Oh, my goodness. Hell yeah. She's always still with me

because you can't return shit there. And she's gently used and then passed around by other guys. Hell yeah. You met at a Goodwill. How that go down so you're just like over smelling women's underwear at a Goodwill I was like

I was going through a lot of shit and I made a Facebook status and she just messaged me and she came to my work which was a Goodwill at the time wow that's a beautiful romance story you can call that a Goodwill at the time. Oh, wow. That's a beautiful romance story. You can call that movie Goodwill Hunting. Damn.

Kid Rock is on fire tonight. I fucking knew you were going to be good. I knew you were going to be good. It's crazy how much cooler you are than the Native American postman I had to deal with earlier. Who just denied being Native American the whole time. It was so bizarre. You're so American, and I love American stuff. I was rooting for Colby Covington today when he beat up...

Anyway, forget it. So back to you, Tricky Mickey. So you went on your first date with this chick. Where did you take her? Where does a couple that meets at a Goodwill go from there? Did you guys go dumpster diving? No. She took me to a Jimmy John's.

Wow. My goodness. This is incredible. This is like the new... This is like the new, this is like the 2019 version of the Roseanne bar show. It's just real fucking low class people hanging out, just fucking surviving. Hey,

I got some, I got some ribs in my fridge from a few days ago. What do you say? All right. Well, Tony, cool fucking stuff, man.

You're doing it. You're in the game. Ten months as a stand-up comedian, and you just seemed comfortable up there. You seemed in the pocket, so thanks for coming on. Thank you, man. There he goes, Tony Watson. There he goes. He's taking his little cup of water.

Hell yeah. Tricky Mickey Mavis over here. I love, you can really get a taste of the city from some of these shows. You can literally taste it in the air. It's like Marlboro Reds and burnt rubber. Chevrolet Silverados. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Aaron Phillips. Aaron Phillips.

Wow, here he comes. He's coming in fast. Here we go. Aaron Phillips, everybody. First off, you might have seen me on drugs. You might have seen me on drugs. Let's get this out of the way. God's fake.

God's fake. God's fake. God's fake. God's fake. Yeah, he's nice to your face. He talks shit about you behind your back. Duplicitous, I guess I could have said. Fronting.

God be fronting. I got an impression for you. This is a Juggalo's doctor. Come on in, fam. Test results are in, my ninja. Now, I know my upbeat clown makeup, but I have some bad news.

I'm afraid you've got whoop-whooping cough. I'm describing 10cc's Faygo Moon Mist. Of course, we tried to run a MRI but those involve magnets And how the fuck do they work right God willing you'll be up and running At the next gathering I'll praise be the hatchet man

And that's everything I know about ICP there's some sort of musical Group apparently I don't know My name's Aaron that's several minutes of your life, apparently. I don't know. My name's Aaron. That's several minutes of your life you'll never get back, no matter how hard you try.

Thank you. Hell yeah. Aaron Phillips. I like your style, man. You got fucking energy. You have the energy of a guy that, you have like overdose energies. That's what I'm getting from you. You seem like you have a fun time all the time.

The guy in the back in blue in the Cubs hat told me, nobody wants to hear your comments on this show earlier, and that's fuck you! I'm kidding. I love you, buddy. I love you. I should have shut up. You were right. But all I could think of was wanting to prove that guy wrong. John Morris is here. Hashtag Blue Chinchilla Instagram. Check him out. Settle down over here.

Settle down down you fucking out of shape geico caveman this fucking guy you relax how how many couches did you reupholster to get that wardrobe floral on floral i know it is incredible clearly it's comfortable it's hell as it's almost no i bet that's always what guys shaped like you comfortable, it's pale. I bet. That's always what guys shaped like you shoot for. In the winter, it's a big sweater. It's always comfort because when you can't look good, you might as well

also be comfortable. Yeah, exactly. That's actually the state slogan of Indiana. Dude, come on. Hit me with something harder. That's absolutely true, I believe in that My goodness, I like your style You look like you go to a lot of music festivals Yeah

I've literally never seen a Hawaiian shirt With stretch marks before I have an even bigger one It's like sea themed Anyways It's incredible. You look like you're dressed for the pool. Do you go swimming ever?

Yeah. Yeah. In what creek? Community pools and it's always awkward. How long have you been doing comedy? About five years. Five years. Where at?

Dayton, Ohio. Dayton, Ohio. Crucible of everything. Center of the world. Absolutely. What do you do for work there? My family has an antique store. Oh, look at that.

Yeah, that's why most of my time the wardrobe is provided by Vintage. Yeah, the antique store. I like your shirt, too, by the way. Your Hawaiian game is strong, sir. Clearly, you guys are twin brothers. Yeah. I'll buy you a drink later, man. Come on.

You look good. You look like fun. You look like a fun time. All right. Oh, yeah. These guys are going to have a blast. What the fuck? Platonically?

God damn. I mean, maybe not. Whatever. We'll see where the evening takes us. Can't wait to see what kind of drinks with umbrellas in them you guys have together later. Their shirts are from the Lane Bryant Red Band Collection. Yeah. I don't know.

You're like a... Oh, no. Oh, wow. Uh-oh. What's happening here? This guy's going full. Wow. I don't give a shit.

This is like watching the end of the Burt Kreischer documentary. This is the sad last few years. Yeah, the downfall. Downward spiral. Perpetual downward spiral. But what was the final cog that went missing in the machine? That's it. My goodness. I could see the whole time. went missing in the machine. That's it. My goodness.

I could see you the whole time. Wow, look at you. That's what you look like. Oh, hell yeah. The party machine guy, you have sad eyes. I like it more with the sunglasses. You were much more likable until we saw those sad, sad puppy eyes. Hey, look who it is.

It's old fun man Aaron Phillips. No, Aaron, I'm not done yet. Go ahead. Kid Rock. Can I just ask you, after you did heroin, did you eat the spoon as well? You have done heroin? No, no, not yet. Why, you got some?

What the hell? Try it. Anything once. Now, you said you do a lot of drugs. What's your favorite of them all? Whoa. Wow. Ecstasy.

That's pretty fun. What? Ecstasy. Oh, interesting. Hell yeah. What do you like to do after dropping ecstasy? Tell everybody that I'm on ecstasy. I'm even more of a pain in the ass on that

than I am normally. Can you give us an example of something that you've done while on ecstasy that makes you a pain in the ass? Just went up to every single human being at a party. I was painfully... As painfully awkward I am not on it, I was painfully sociable on it. I was like, ah!

I had to interact with every person at a party. It was annoying. Woo! That's pretty good, too. Alright. Oh, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Anything else interesting we should know about you? You seem like you have some type of, like, fun fact about you, some type of life accomplishment. You're the world's fastest, uh...

Oh, here we go. He has a tattoo. Space ghost on my arm. That's pretty cool. Is it? Yeah, I was thinking about quitting comedy before you called my name, so that's pretty cool. Maybe I'll stick around. I don't know.

Why were you going to quit? Tell us about it. I drove two and a half hours to come here, and I got lost and missed my chance to do a 90 seconds on our earlier show, and if I'd known it was only 90 seconds, I don't know if I would have even left the house, but I'm glad I came. This is cool as fuck. Are you talking about this show? No, no, another show earlier. There's another known it was only 90 seconds, I don't know if I would have even left the house. But I'm glad I came. This is cool. Are you talking about this show? No, no. Another show earlier.

There's another show where people do 90 seconds? Yeah. And then they just go up one after the other? You're totally stealing your gig, man. I don't know. You don't even know what was going on on the show? I got completely lost. I didn't make it. I missed the entire thing. I don't even know how it was. How did you get lost? But I'm here for a time.

Parking. I couldn't find parking. I circled the block for like 10 minutes. Did you try the parking lot right next door? No, not here. It was farther downtown and it was another place. Oh, gotcha. Kid Rock. Yeah, you opened your set by saying God is fake.

Why? Kid Rock is a big time Christian. Yeah, man. You've given me a lot to think about Maybe I was wrong about that Maybe I was wrong about everything Thanks kid Like that's a strong thing to say

Richie, your name's Richie right? I can call you Richie Yeah it's Richie At the top of the set Did religion do something wrong to you or what? I actually went to like Christian school for a couple years Alright let's talk about it You look like you've only been surviving off of bread and wine your whole life.

I know, roughing it, right? Yeah, it's been tough. Heck yeah. You look like Joaquin Phoenix when he went on the Letterman show that one time. Oh, yeah. Lost his mind. That is fair as hell.

You cut to my core, Tony. Thank you. You look like if a Blues brother shopped at Brooks Brothers. Like Jack Crack. He looked like he was lost in the desert for 40 years after a rave. Yeah. He looks like he is and sleeps on a flower bed.

He looked like he was born on a Spirit Airline flight. He looks like the lead singer of The Grateful Bread. It's cut to my core and they give me a lot to think about. That would take a lot of digging to get to that core. I'm a larger man if you haven't noticed.

I don't know. What did you just say? I said, if you haven't noticed, I'm a larger man. if you haven't noticed. I don't know. What did you just say? I said, if you haven't noticed, I'm a larger man. They've made a lot of points about that. If you opened an ice cream store, it would be called Game of Cones. I don't have to take this. Wow. Yeah. You're very mobile. I noticed you Wow. Yeah. You're very mobile.

I noticed you skipped up here. You're very energetic. My goodness. Has the doctor ever told you you have runner's blood pressure before? Dangerously high blood pressure. You think you're a healthy guy? No, no. I know I'm not.

Really? When's the last time you saw a doctor? I think three months ago. Has anyone ever told you you look like the biggest Lebowski? Somebody said thick Lebowski earlier. That's true. That was completely true. I punched it up. That's the best version of it.

That's the version that would go into the script if we were writing a show. And I know, because I'm in the Writers Guild. Put your hands together for Aaron Phillips, everybody. There he goes. Aaron Phillips. Aaron, don't quit. I like your style.

Comedy needs people like you. Funny people with good energies. We can't all be sad fucks walking around here. One more time for Aaron Phillips I cannot tell you how much I love having Kid Rock on this episode this really this really has me excited

I mean this is an instant because this is your first time on this show this isn't something I forgot about three years ago no man it's the first time on the show, right? This isn't something I forgot about three years ago, right? No, man. It's the first time on Kill Tony. Fort Wayne. And let me just tell you, you can remember forever because this is what we would call an instant classic. So congratulations to you guys.

When you see Kid Rock on Kill Tony down the road, you'll know that started right here. Kill Tony, episode two. Oh, this is interesting. I believe this person got up earlier. Put your hands together for Joey Squid, here doing a new minute. I believe he got up on the first show.

Here we go. Joey Squid doing a brand new minute that he didn't do earlier today. Yes, it is. It's the return of Joey Squid. Oh, yeah. Let's try that again.

So I've been told that I am a hot lesbian with a beard. I like to think that I am more of Johnny Depp's comrade grown-up. I probably look like I should be talking about vegan toast and avocado bread. I would rather talk about more Indiana things that are close to all of us. The Dodge Ram pickup. It's the heartland of the douchiest fucking vehicle that's ever been produced. Every time you see a guy in a Dodge Ram, you know that he is going to suck his boyfriend's dick. My dad told me I was a function

Jesus Joey Oh my god What the fuck was that I'm gonna stop you I'm stopping you How dare you sign up for this show Twice With that

Yes What was that? The fuck is your problem with the Dodge Ram dude? Yeah man That's what I'm pissed about The Dodge Ram's an American vehicle Made for American people That's true What kind of car do you have?

A Prius A Volvo Oh my god Man that's part of a lady's vagina dude You're an idiot true. What kind of car do you have? A Prius. A Volvo. Oh, my God. Man, that's part of a lady's vagina, dude. You're an idiot. What kind of Volvo? That's a brand. A 96 station wagon. 96 station wagon. Look at you.

How fucking cute is that? And you're out here making fun of a goddamn man truck. Why? Do you have trouble moving lately and nobody would help you? Dude, I'm going to teabag you with my truck nuts later. Kid, rock! Oh, my

God. Tell us about, because you know, I think that, I think you're looking for that material to work, but we have to figure out, because I think, and I mean, I was trying to figure out, because maybe you know something I don't know about Indiana and the Dodge Ram's history, but almost everywhere else, that's considered a pretty tough truck. I mean, are you saying that because the Silverado is made here that, which, by the way, I know it's Silverado. It's been a running joke since we got here yesterday. If you don't know, it's a whole thing.

Only the people that have been to all four shows know. Did two stand-up shows yesterday. So explain to us what the fuck you were talking about, Joey. The Dodge Ram is made in Kokomo. It's made in Kokomo. Wait, what? And is that in competition with? The Silverado. The Silverado?

The Silverado? Yes. It is? Yes. You're telling me I've been duped by an Asian person this whole time? No, there's a Kokomo here in Indiana. Oh. Wow.

So, Joey, is there anything we didn't find out about you that's interesting, uh, that we didn't find out about you in the first episode? Tonight, when you got on earlier, you're a very lucky human. You got pulled out of the bucket twice one day. I did. Yeah. Um. This is another episode, so is there anything interesting about you that we need to know

about that we didn't find out in the first episode? Is there something that you're kicking yourself on the way, like in between the shows? You're like, I should have brought up this. Yeah. Obviously not. You didn't say shit on stage right now. Stop laughing. This is very serious.

Joey Squid. No. Yes. Hello. Are you okay? Yes, Tony. I'm good. I can't believe you're on more fucking drugs than Aaron Phillips.

This is incredible. I am. Okie dokie. I'm good, sorry. Is there anything else about your life that we didn't cover earlier that you think might be interesting to talk about? I got deported from Canada. Why'd you get deported from Canada?

Because I tried going across the border with two BB guns in my car. Wow. Yep, there's nothing else interesting about you. There he goes, Joey Squid, everybody. My goodness. Deported from Canada. On to the next

one we go. Good God. Jesus. Yikes. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Alyssa Henderson. Here we go. Alyssa Henderson. It's happening. Here she comes.

All right. Here she comes. Come on, people. Make some noise for Alyssa Henderson. So I signed up for this because my boyfriend said, don't sign up for this. Don't do it drunk. So I'm doing both. My boyfriend has a jewelry phobia.

So, you know, sometimes when I get mad at him and I don't want to tell him I'm mad, I just hide jewelry around the house so he finds it, and then he gets really freaked out and he hides it from me. So it's kind of a back-and-forth issue. I'm a little nervous right now, but I'm still very drunk. And, Kid Rock, how rude of you to not give me your seat. I'm a little nervous right now, but I'm still very drunk. Kid Rock, how rude of you to not give me your seat. Oh, boy. Yikums.

I think someone roofied everybody in the room at some point here. Yo, are we about to kiss right now? Are we at the sea or not? Alyssa, what's going on over here? Are you okay? Did someone put something in your drink or your bloodstream? My first time being in front of a crowd and doing stand-up. Was it your choice to come here tonight?

Did someone take you hostage and sign you up for this? Actually, I wanted to bring up the secret hand in the back. When I was signing up for this, he asked if I was also giving out blowjobs. So, where'd that guy go? What secret? What are you talking about? I have no idea. You got fingered in the back? Yo,

breaking news, that wasn't a part of this show. Yeah. Secret hand? Were you at a glory hole or something? I'm so confused I don't know what happened on this episode About eight minutes ago Shit just fucking got disconnected completely

Ghastly So Okay This is your first time doing comedy Is that something you've always wanted to do? I've really had no passion and interest in what to do with my life, so no. Okay. How old are you? I'm 22.

How drunk are you? I'm about three Long Islands deep in a glass of Riesling. What are you doing here? I don't know. Are you a fan of this show? Do you know what you're doing here? Yeah, yeah. I am a fan of this show. Oh, so you came here for this? Yes, I did. So you had three Long Islands. I signed up because I was like,

oh, this is dope. I don't think I'll be picked. Like, no way. And then you called my name. Have you ever listened to an episode of this show before? I have, yes. I have. Have you ever heard us say that we hate people like you? Yeah. Happens like once every two or three road episodes. You're taking time away from hardworking comedians who drove from all over who this is their passion and this is their goal.

Wow, Kid Rock getting deep. They have an American dream. And you're coming up here looking like some wasted, trendy librarian. Get out of here. Wow some wasted, trendy librarian. Get out of here! Wow. Okay, Kid Rock. That was like a joke. It wasn't like actually get out of here.

I know, but you always got to keep an eye on everything or else you lose things. So, Alyssa, where – what's happening? Take the damn stool, lady. What's going on? Kid Rock, what's happening over there? I gave her my stool and then she shoved it back. But why did you give her a stool? She's been complaining that I haven't given her a seat the whole time

because I'm supposed to be some gentleman. I'm a rock star, lady! I didn't even notice that. I don't know what's going on over here. Okay, I'm getting you off stage. There goes Alyssa Henderson. There you go. I don't get it. Too drunk. Too bad. I don't know what's

happening anymore. It's not fun having people that are that drunk on the show because it's just like taking advantage of... I mean, not only is she drunk, she's also dumb, so it's like really bad. And when you're dumb and drunk, that's just no fun at all. She just doesn't know she's supposed to be a stripper.

Wow. Red band making it weird. Wow, and that's harsh coming from her dad. Red band. Alright, how about Zane Scott or Rain Scott or something like that? Here we go. Zane.

Come on, guys. Make some fucking noise. Get out of this tailspin. What the fuck's going on, Fort Wayne? I was expecting this venue to be a little bit bigger when I got here. It's kind of small. Not the first time I've heard that, though. Every time I take a girl to bed, she tells me that.

Also, every girl that I've been with has converted to the Islam of sexuality, which is lesbian, because the only thing they're shoving in their face anymore is roast beef. Pork has been completely cut out. You guys heard about the most recent mass shooting in Ohio, though, right? Yeah, 13 people dead. They found the weapon of choice was actually a spoon and a syringe. It's a Midwestern tragedy. Heroin. It'll fucking get you. You ever had sex with a pregnant chick who's like eight months deep? Yeah, it's a great

fucking time. You ain't got to worry about her getting pregnant because she's already pregnant, but the only thing you got to worry about is that little fetus growing up like 30 years later and joining the Me Too movement on you. She's going to go to the police and say, he aggressively hit me on the soft spot of my head

for 20 minutes and then tried to drown me in his semen. Hell yeah. Zane Scott. Welcome, welcome. How are you, Zane? I fucking love this show. Thank you, Zane. Hell yeah. How long have you been on comedy? First fucking time. First time. How about a hand for Zane? Fort yeah. How long have you been on comedy? First fucking time. First time. How about a hand

for Zane? Fort Wayne. First time. He's in it. You're in the game. How many cans of Monster Energy drink do you have a day? None. I had a NOS on the way here. You had a NOS? Hell yeah. That's the powerful shit. That's like grapefruit flavor, right?

Regular, actually. I used to drink that when I just got out of high school in Youngstown, Ohio, when I was just a little white trash boy like you. Well, I'm from Sandusky, Ohio, so I'm maybe white trash than you. Did you say Sandusky? Cedar Point. Wow, you motherfucker.

How often do you go there? Not often anymore. I live in North Carolina now. Oh, now you live in North Carolina. How long, now you live in North Carolina. How long ago did you move there? Three and a half years ago. You love it? I love being in North Carolina, yeah, yeah.

What was the hesitation there? North Carolina is really cool, but what I do there is really shitty. Yeah, what do you do? Are you in charge of putting out fires in Charlottesville? No, I'm in the military. That's Virginia. I'm stationed the military. That's Virginia. I'm stationed down there. Is that Virginia or North Carolina? Virginia.

Virginia, yeah. It's all the same place. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Charlotte, North Carolina. I'm so stupid sometimes. I smoke a lot of pot. What do you do for work? I'm in the military.

Yeah? What do you do? Just like admin stuff. Paperwork. Oh, hell yeah. Pushing papers. Making sure everyone gets paid. That's it.

Wow. Interesting. That's an important part. Does anybody ever call you like an American hero or anything like that? No, no, no, no. What's up? I try to keep that secret. Hell yeah.

Wow. So that's fun. What branch of the military? The Marines. Wow. The Marines's fun. What branch of the military? The Marines. Wow, the Marines. My goodness. You never had to do anything? You ever have to go overseas or anything like that?

I just got back a month ago. From where? The Middle East. I was on a ship. They make you go all the way to the Middle East just to do administration shit? Yeah, that's a thing. Fuck that. Don't they have any fucking tough guys that can do the paperwork?

Yeah, they're all bigger than me. They make you do push-ups and shit still? No, no. That's not in our routine. You need to work out your brain, boy. I don't need real muscles on you. Sit there, be smart. You need to be quick.

Basically, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's so cool. How old are you? 22. 22 years old. Wow, that's so cool. How old are you? 22. 22 years old. Just a little fucking baby gorilla. A lot of greats start at 22.

Anyway. You have a girlfriend? I do not. No. No. So what exactly, why'd you move to North Carolina again? Military. No, they moved you there, so you move to North Carolina again? Military. They moved you there, so you're based out of there.

Yeah. Gotcha. Yep. Have you actually had sex with a pregnant woman before? I have. Whoa. Was she pregnant with you? No, no.

It wasn't my kid, which is why it's even better. Right. No, I know it wasn't your kid. I was saying you're a baby. I was saying you're a baby. I was saying you're a big baby. Where did you meet this pregnant chick at? You were just hanging around? I dated her for two years in high school.

Wow. She was already pregnant in high school? No. So I left and she cheated on me and then I came back and got my revenge. Hold on. Let's slow it down. Slow, slow, slow it down. Slow it down. Slow, slow, slow it down. Slow it down.

Strap in! Slow it down and repeat yourself. So, I dated her in high school. For two years? For a year in high school. Okay. And then I moved away. To North Carolina?

Texas. I was in Texas at the time. I was in school. Okay. She cheated on me while I was there. Uh-huh. So then I went home on leave, and then I had sex with her. While she was pregnant with someone else's kid, the guy that she cheated on me with. So I got my revenge in a way. Does the guy know?

Oh, yeah. He knows. How does he know? I pretty much told him. How did you pretty much tell him? Like, it was made pretty obvious. I pretty much told him. How'd you pretty much tell him? Like, it was made pretty obvious. Like, I said something on social media.

Yeah? Congrats on being a father. Yeah, I get that joke a lot. What did you say on social media? This is getting interesting. I can't remember. So, the only thing at the time was Pokemon Go was really big. And that was the excuse on why we were alone as we were playing Pokemon Go. Oh, God.

So, a lot of people found out about it and they talked about Pokemon Go got bitches being wild these days. You cream-pied in a pregnant woman and blamed it on Pokemon Go? Yeah. Peek-a. And then you're like, gotta catch them all. Yeah, yeah. How pregnant was she? She wasn't that deep.

She wasn't like eight months. I think a month and a half, if I remember too well. So she just had some cum in her. Revenge-a-choo. I choose you. Welcome to another episode of How Babies Are Made with Brian Redband

A month and a half That could fall out in a toilet easily Still just a pile of cum at that point According to Dr. Brian Redband The cum sits there for three months And then it starts to turn into the shape of a human body That's how it works It's mostly mold

It's just there at the base of the vagina Just waiting to slide out, nothing around it. And then after the cum is deep fried out of Wendy's, you got yourself a baby. Yeah. A babynator. My goodness. My biggest fear when I did it,

red rock! Uh-oh. So did you just fuck her? Did you do anything else with her? Did you go down on her And like talk shit to the baby? Just eat her pussy Like hey your dad's a faggot

No I didn't do that No I did go down But I didn't say any of that You didn't say anything? No I wish I would've though Not a little

I'm not your dad I'm not your dad Have you hooked up with her again Since she had a baby? little, I'm not your dad. I'm not your dad. Have you hooked up with her again since she had a baby? Yeah. Wow. Look at you, you little fucking. I've got the trifecta going on before, during, and after.

Wow, all three trimesters. That's incredible. Did it feel different? Does the pussy feel a little different now? Yeah, does it feel different post-baby? Does it feel like somebody sucked all the air out of the Ziploc bag or something like that? You know what I mean? Yeah, what was it like having your first threesome?

No, it didn't feel any different. What do you do? So you sneak over there when he's at work or something? No, they're like apart now. Oh, hell yeah. I kind of probably played apart. So how old's the kid now? I have no idea.

Two years? Two years, something like that. Dude, I don't know. I just cum in this chick, all right? My goodness. That's incredible. Out of habit, have you ever been fucking the chick and just go and shoot the load on the two-year-old?

I mean, that's how it all started. No, no, I've never scooped that level. According to how Redman's babies are made, you already came on the baby a few times when it was in the womb, when it was just a pile of cum. No. No. Wow.

Anything else interesting about you, Zane? What else do you do for fun or work or whatever other than military paperwork? Is there something else that when you're not hooking up with your Pokemon ho that you're into?

No, not really. Just play games and drink alone. You drink a lot? No, not a lot. Why do I feel like, even though you live by yourself, that you sleep in a bunk bed? Getting bunk bed vibes from you. Like you sleep on the top bunk. It's just a habit.

No, I don't. I don't sleep in the bunk bed. There's one in my room, but I don't sleep in it. There's one in your room? Yeah. Wait a second. So the rooms are built for three people, so I sleep in the one single. Hold on a second.

You mean to tell me that I said I'm getting bunk bed vibes from you, and you're telling me that you don't sleep in a bunk bed, but in the room that you sleep, the very same room, out of all the people in this room, out of 380-some episodes that I've never said the words bunk bed vibes on this show, you're telling me that you sleep in a room

with bunk beds in the room with you that sit there empty staring at you? No, it's in the other room. Are you being honest right now? Yes, I'm being 100%. This is it. That's it. Show's over.

This is the last episode of Kill Tony of all time. This is it. I waited for this moment. Damn, I didn't want to end something else. What? I didn't want to end the show like I ended that relationship. Whoa, Jesus, what are you going to come inside of me? All right, there you go.

Zane Scott, everyone. Fun times. I love that. Thank you, Zane. You are a great guest up here. Zane Scott. Let me tell you something. That's how you fucking do it, right?

If you're going to do comedy for the first time, you fucking plow through it, do your jokes, stay in the pocket, and tell us some goddamn interesting shit like you used to fill up a pregnant lady with fucking boy jizz. You ruined a family. Just fucking unbelievable. Perfect. How about another hand for Zane, everyone? Surprised Indiana doesn't go a little bit crazier for homewreckers. You know what I mean?

Nope? Alright. Okay. How about Travis Charles, ladies and gentlemen? Travis Charles. Here we go. He's coming to the stage. You guys having fun out there? Travis Charles.

One of the most embarrassing things happened to me from being a big guy. I got out of the shower one evening, and when I bent over to dry off my feet like we all do, as I stood back up, my ass cracked with the shower curtain off the wall. I don't know if you guys know this, but when you bend over, your ass opens. It's like, hey! And if you don't close your curtains, it makes those ripples and bunches up on itself.

Well, I bent over too close to my curtain. Let me tell you something. If you bend over and something goes in your ass that you didn't put there on purpose, it's terrifying. I got scared. Ass grabbed the curtain. I was like, oh no, he's trying to finger terrifying. I got scared, ass grabbed the curtain. I was like, oh no, he's trying to fangir me. I'm going to jump forward, pull the whole pole curtain and everything down on the floor. I'm like, oh my God, this is not a good look for me. My girlfriend's banging like, oh my God, are you okay?

Go away, you don't want to see this. We do not fuck enough now as it is. That's it, that's good. Travis Charles. 52 seconds. In and out. Hell yeah, man. How long you been doing comedy? 13 years.

13 years. Hell yeah. Too long. Well, I mean, that is a long time. Where you been doing it at? Started in Richmond, Virginia. Now I'm from Dayton, Ohio. What made you move from Richmond to Dayton? The Midwest has way more comedy than Richmond, Virginia. Now I'm from Dayton, Ohio. What made you move from Richmond to Dayton? The Midwest has way more comedy than Richmond, Virginia does. Huh.

Interesting. So Dayton's the home base, huh? Yep. What do you do for work? I am on workers' comp. Whoa. What did you get hurt doing? I fell through a woman's basement stairs.

Just like the last comedian. It's basically the story of his life. You fell through a woman's basement. What was the last word? Stairs. Stairs. Oh, shit. Or one single step.

I fell through it. I mean, like, isn't it? I mean, were you that big then? Yeah, 300 pounds. I was like 295 then. Welcome to another episode. This is a special Red Band Relatives episode of Kill Tony. So many people shaped like Red Band here.

It's all right. That's fun. So you weighed that much when you went through the stair, and you still get paid for that even though you're big? Yeah, because workers' comp, it doesn't matter if i jump through the stairs on purpose as long as i was working i get workers comp so what'd you you broke a leg no i sprained my knee and i uh pulled my lower lumbar and i twisted a vertebrae jesus wow my goodness what's what stair was it the third one down oh i was more embarrassed that the stair broke because the woman was following me so I was like ha ha ha

it just kept going down the stairs was it a rotten stair? it was probably a 100 year old house but it was a 2 inch plank that I just kind of blew through like it wasn't even there and she had just came upstairs from cutting a light on for me so I felt more like shit because I broke it

did you hook up with her? no you know what they say, one in the plank. That's right. Two in the plank. Heck yeah. Travis, you have a girlfriend, you said, right? No, I have two years going through my second divorce.

Second divorce? Yes. Heck yeah. So you're breaking up more than just stairs. I threw your picture away. I sat down and cried that day. You guys sing serious songs too, folks. Yes, you do.

You are badass. Why did you choose Dayton, not Columbus or something? Because Columbus is way too big, and it's too many comics that are just... Open mics have 45 comics in them. Dayton's kind of centralized. Cincinnati, Columbus, an hour away.

Chicago is like four and a half. So you'd rather be the big whale in the small pond? Always been the... Yeah. Hell yeah. That's absolutely... That's me. Heck yeah.

So how's the... You're going through a second divorce, so how's the Dayton and Dayton doing? What are we talking about here? You on fucking? I am way too confident for the way that I left fuck a lot. It's sad. I'm not proud of all of them.

Of the chicks that you've been with? Oh, yeah. Because you're with bigger ladies. No, not all the time. Yeah? I fell in a 120-pound girl a few weeks ago. Really? Yeah.

Wow. What stairway did that happen at? My goodness. Where'd you meet a 120 pound girl? What crack house was that? Tinder, 3 in the morning. Tinder, 3 in the morning. Fuck. Was it the drunk girl that got called up earlier?

Just kidding. She's not 120 pounds. I didn't see your face. People love fat jokes. I'm going to write that down. You love fat jokes. People love fat jokes. I live off of fat jokes. Yes, I live and survive solely off of fat jokes. Pretty much.

It is my specialty. In the roast writer's room, I'm known as the fat joke specialist. It does bring me so much joy making fun of fat people. I don't know why. But we've all heard it our whole lives. It really don't really bother us. We would just laugh. No, of course. You have no choice.

What the fuck else are you going to do? What are you going to do? Just cry about it? We know losing water weight is not that easy for you guys. I have high blood pressure, so I'll retain water. Hell yeah. No, of course. I like your style.

So what do you do for fun? Comedy and buffets. Wow, really? You're just fully committed. Can I just say that was the most honest answer we've had on this show in years? That is comedy and buffets. Aaron Phillips and I go to buffets together. Is that true?

Yes. You guys are friends? Yeah. That's right. He's from Dayton, too? I'm friends with that disaster. That's what I'm friends with. Oh, my God.

You guys must have so much fun together. Yes. Wow. Never boring. What's the weirdest hookup you've had in a while, man? Me? Yeah. Oh, fuck.

I met a fat girl with plenty of fish, and I came in her ass when I was done. Wow. Look at that. I'm a gentleman. Like, it's like. My goodness. So I've always wondered this. How fat was she? Like, it's like. My goodness. So, I've always wondered this. How fat was she?

Like, really, really, really fat? Like, the face you make, it makes me think, what, three, four, five? Let's just say she was a carb on plenty of fish. I'm 300. She was probably about 350. Bigger than you. Now, see, here's my question. You putting it in.

She's bent over in this, right? Or are we talking missionary position or something like that? No, belly to belly is not too good. You float, like you plank. You float like a... So what did you guys do? You were doing what, piggy style? Yeah. I'm an asshole.

I just get them to blow me for a minute, then I want to do it, I bend over. Wait, you bend over? Yeah, I bend over. Wait, what does that mean? I just have them bend over. Oh, you have them bend over. I do my best to get do it. I bend over. And I try to like, whatever. You bend over? Yeah, I bend over. Wait, what does that mean? I just have them bend over. Oh, you have them bend over. And I do my best to get as much as I can in. Do you have to lift up that thing, that belly?

No, it lifts itself. That stays? If you raise your hands, the belly comes up. You just got to fuck like. Wow, that's all you have to do. It's incredible. So it's like you're just always in some type of like Eternal devil's triangle You're just always like ready to high five

Your friend that's not on the other side Yep And when things get real sweaty sometimes my belly button Makes a suction cup to her back Oh fuck dude You got problems if you're queefing Out of your belly button bro That is

When you hear it's like it's time to go I Okay button bro that is when you hear it's like it's time to go okay you're good i cannot get past the visual right now of you planking with another fat woman it's so disgusting like your penis not even touching her private just looking down at her being like, well, I guess this is hot. I'm pretty sure I've actually just fucked skin before. That's actually what I was getting at. I was wondering when you say you came in her ass, was it her asshole or her ass

crack? Let's face it, she's bigger than you. I'm an asshole because when a fat girl bends over, their ass does spread open. You can get to it. It looks like you can't when they're standing up. You keep calling yourself an asshole. Do you ever come inside of yourself? No.

I am not that gifted. You just come in other people's assholes? I came in on belly button a few times. Belly button? Yeah. Was she so big that you could cream pie her belly button? Yeah. You ever just stick it in there and fucking?

Safe sex. I guess so. The safest possible sex. Until you get a fucking chewed up Dorito in your dick tip. You got to look out for those big girls, man. There is shrapnel down there. Yeah. Fuck a big girl like that,

you end up making a kid a Sour Patch Kid. Yeah. Oh, you found that? Is that the green one? There you go. But it makes me enjoy the thinner women way much. Yeah, that's what fat chicks are for. Fat chicks are out there so that you can enjoy the thinner women. Yeah. That's what it's

like. It's like being rich after being broke. It's like, oh, this is great. I don't have to eat McDonald's anymore. You find out what you're into with the fat chick, and then you get the skinny girl to do what she did, and it's more attractive. Heck yeah. Hey, can you spread out your belly button, bitch?

All right. Well, I mean, dude, you're so fucking much fun. You have such a great energy. It's a shame you're going to die from a heart attack soon. It's all right. I was having so much fun with you, like so many of the greats. You're fucking, you're just awesome. Appreciate it.

13 years and it shows through your set, through the interview, the whole thing. That's what it's about. Thank you. Definitely the set of the night. Thanks for signing up. Awesome. Thank you very much. Travis Charles.

Thank you very much. From that ledge, my friend. I wish you would step back from that ditch, my friend. How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Wow. Jeez, looks like

you've gotten a lot of what you like here on this episode. Okay, pull another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Brandon Kreinhop. Brandon Kreinhop. Brandon Kreinhop. Here he comes.

One more time for Brandon Kreinhop. For years I had underestimated how awesome blowjobs were Because I was getting them from someone who wasn't good at it The first time a girl ever went down on me Was kind of a disappointment, right? But my mother taught me that you get what you get And you don't throw a fit But at the same time I couldn't help but thinking Is this it?

You know, it's like a hot new restaurant coming to your town And you finally go and the food's just okay It's not bad, it just didn't live up to the hype It's kind of what this blowjob was like So years later, another girl was nice enough to blow me And this changed everything Because it was like going back to that same restaurant years later And you had no idea that they hired a new chef

You just casually order the usual Eh, I guess I'll have the blowjob Yeah, I want you to cut my balls. It's the only reason worth coming for. Wait, you mean you don't upcharge for that anymore? Well, shit, give me a blowjob then. Then a steaming hot blowjob comes sizzling around the corner and you try it and you're like, holy shit, this is amazing.

Is this a new recipe? That's my time. Thank you, guys. Hell yeah, Brandon Kreinhop. So let's talk about the details, man. The only thing you're missing there is everything. It's, like, let's talk about, if you're going to talk about getting a bad blowjob, like, what made it a bad blowjob?

Honestly, there's a second half to the bit that goes into the details. Is that the one that has all the punchlines in it? This was admittedly an a bridged version. Okay. How about you just answer my question, then we'll see if we want to hear the bit. The reason the first blowjob was bad is because she was Chinese.

Oh, is this true? Chinese bad blowjobs? I wanted to ask you, Brian, because I'm going to follow you on Instagram. I'm like, hey, he knows what's up. They tend to have smaller mouths because their faces are moon-shaped. I was once had, for years,

I was with a girl that was half Chinese, and the blowjobs were good. Good blowjobs. Yeah, because it was that half American doing the job! She was an ABC, an American-born Chinese. It wasn't, actually. Yes, she was American-born, and the other half was Colombian. That's where the good blowjob part came from, I'm pretty sure.

There's a billion China in people. They don't get that many people because everybody's blowing each other. So she was born in China. Where'd you get this blowjob? What massage parlor? College? Yeah, we met in college. Freshman year.

We dated all throughout. Freshman Chinese-born. Yeah, I snatched her right up first date. Was she super, super Chinese? Oh. You want to go on a date with me? Well, that was me coming after her. I'm quarter Japanese, so there was a little racial tension.

Really? You're quarter Japanese? Hopefully it's not the penis part. It's only the penis part. Oh, really? I'm bad at math, so I usually over tip. Wow. Oh, okay. I'm bad at math, so I usually over-tip. Wow. Oh, okay.

Appropriate. And you were with her just one time, or you were with her for a while? Four years. Four years of bad blowjobs. I opted out of them most of the time. I was like, you don't have to, sweetheart. Were they teethy? Just in comparison to the next girl who did it, was like alright I guess this is just blowjobs

what was she doing? just nothing she was doing nothing so she would just put her mouth on it on the outside or she would just sit there yeah man show Tony real quick what she was doing so it was kind of like if I had to give a demonstration

wait what? nevermind it would just go in and out, and there was no lingual action, you know what I mean? Uh-huh. But I was just grateful that anyone was going to do it. Okay, let me ask it to you this way. What was the good blowjob like?

What was the difference? Oh, dude. So you remember your whole life when you heard the Star-Spangled Banner? You're like, it's kind of cool. I like it. Well, remember the first time you heard the Jimi Hendrix version? Yes.

It was a lot like that, guys. Wow. I thought you were going to drop another bad analogy on us. That's pretty good. By the way. That's pretty good. By the way, that should just be your entire joke that you just did. That's the end of it.

Have you ever thought about that? Trying it a different way? The restaurant analogy, switching it out for the national anthem analogy? Yeah. Yeah, you should do that. Yeah. For sure. 100%. No doubt about it.

And even what the second part is, you could just mix it with that and it'll be better. Unless it's all about restaurant bullshit, in which case it couldn't possibly work anyway. How do you feel if i ended it like this like she was an american too right she made me proud proud to be one too she made me want to wear a mega hat if it stood for make america gag again yeah i'll throw that one out yeah i know i had to know i had to ask hey can you do the jim Jimi Hendrix analogy again? Nah. I'll do it.

Alright, well that's fun. So where was this? Did you date this good blowjob girl for a while? I'm dating her now for the last couple months. Oh, that's cool. What does she do? She's over there. Really? Will you mind coming up and giving this guy a blowjob so we can see? Yeah, we want to see what the good blowjob is. How many of you think this guy should get his dick sucked

on this stage right now? Give the people what they want. All right. She's not coming up here. If you come up here, I'll cover you from the crowd with my fur coat. Wow. Oh, blowjob music.

Hell yeah. Blow the whistle. Wow. So what does she do? She's a bartender. Bartender. Heck yeah. So what do you do?

I'm a salesman. Yeah, what are you selling? We're supposed to sell turbochargers, but we ain't got any. Turbochargers? I work for a trading company. We're going to buy shit. We're going to buy turbochargers from people and sell them to someone else. Turbochargers? I work for a trading company. We're going to buy shit. We're going to buy turbo chargers from people and sell them to someone else. Turbo chargers.

It's the getting them from someone else part that we haven't done yet. Yeah. There's a lot to unpack. I don't know that it's worth it even. I'm a salesman. Man, you've already sold me because I want what I can't get right now. I got plenty of nothing. Loads of it.

Are they turbo chargers for electronics or your car, like a supercharger? Vehicles. Cars. Automobiles. Uh-huh. So how about for fun? What else are you into? Any hobbies or anything like that?

You seem like the kind of guy that sleeps with two body pillows. When I'm not doing that, I play guitar and drums. I've played music my whole life. Oh, wow. You do any singing? No. No? In the car.

Just guitar? Yeah. And drums? Drums. No. That's a shame. Not much of a showman, if you couldn't tell. I'm more of a, you know, I'm in the back.

How long have you been doing comedy? Last couple years. Last couple years. But you just sort of dabble in it. Where are you from again? Shelbyville, Indiana. Half hour south of Indy. Wow. What's that known for? What's around there? The Nestle factory?

A lot of methamphetamine. A lot of meth? Have you ever done meth? You have a lot of friends that have done it? Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. I have friends who have lived around people who have done a lot of meth. That's as close as I've come to it. You've been around them while they did it?

No, I'm pretty sheltered. My parents usually don't let me hang around with meth heads. Your parents still decide who you hang out with? How old are you? 23. 23. You live with your parents? No, I live with my friend.

With your friend? Yes. You guys have bunk parents? No, I live with my friend. With your friend? Yes. You guys have bunk beds? No. We sleep in totally different rooms. Wow. Now I don't believe you, the way you said it like that. Just to clarify, different rooms.

And that's where your girlfriend comes and gives you good blowjobs. Yeah. The first time you got a good blowjob, how long do you think you lasted during that? We didn't go till the end. You didn't wait. You didn't go what till the end? She did not blow me until I ejaculated. Oh, so you were having sex with her?

Yeah. And then you're like, oh my God, I'm going to come, and then she fucking took over? Oh, no. We started. She blew me first. And then we fucked. And then I came. Oh.

I hate to tell you, that's not the best blowjob. Right. Yeah. It's the best I've gotten. It's true. It's for my track, Red. Wait till he finds out how good blowjobs can actually be. Dude, wait till I move out of Indiana.

Who fucking knows? What'd you say? I said, wait till I move out of Indiana. Who knows what I'll do? Are you going to move out of Indiana? I'd like to think so. Well, that is not the spirit of someone that ends up moving out of Indiana. That's the spirit of a man who dies in Indiana.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I think, ah. Indiana forever. It's hard for these people to laugh at it. But everyone around the world is like, laughing at you guys not laughing and not moving out of here. How sad. We used to be like you, though. We used to live in Ohio.

We'd go to the family video, rent a movie. You know what I mean? Yeah, come in a pregnant chick and call it a night, man. That's it. I was thinking this. I like the mustache. You kind of look like Chris Cornell a little bit. I don't know if anyone ever told you. Probably about 450

people have told me that. I'm going to go fuck myself then. Have they ever said you look like if Chris Cornell was a twink, call you Little Spoon Man? Clearly there's a reason why no one they ever said you look like if Chris Cornell was a twink, call you Little Spoon Man? Yeah, I mean. Damn, good thing no one ever said that. Clearly there's a reason why no one's ever said that. Because it's not good.

Yeah. I had to try it. There you go. Brandon Kreinhop, ladies and gentlemen, back to Life Goes Brandon. Very exciting stuff. What do you guys think? Should we go to this bucket one more time, huh? Guaranteed spot.

Hmm? You guys having fun out there? Yeah! Thinking about it, yeah. Back to the bucket we go, go, go. Put your hands together for Jesse McIntyre, everyone. Jesse McIntyre. You guys ever wake up in the morning and think,

oh, fuck, pills didn't take. Guess I'll try again tonight. Maybe I'll use the gun. It's funny because I'm suicidal. My therapist tells me that I use humor to avoid talking about difficult topics. And that really upset me. So I said, you know what?

Chicken butt. And I said, you know why? She said, well, Jesse, your father was emotionally unavailable. You never learned how to process emotions yourself. And I said, no. Chicken thigh. Chicken thigh.

Chicken thigh Chicken thigh So I'm a recovered heroin addict Hold your applause, please I've been off the horse for about a year now But I still do smoke weed and freebase my antidepressants Thank you Alright, Jesse Jesse weed, and freebase my antidepressants. Thank you. All right. Jesse. Jesse.

I've always wondered what it would be like if Aaron Phillips went on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Look at you. Got your life all together here. Welcome to another episode of Comedians Shaped Like Red Band. Ah. It's the theme from MASH. Like mashed potatoes.

I don't get the reference. Is it bedtime? I don't know. Is it? MASH theme was on. All right. Did you have fun, Jesse? Yeah, it was a great time. How long have you been doing comedy? Like nine months now. Nine months. Heck yeah. You're about ready to Like nine months now. Nine months. Heck yeah. You're about ready to

pop any day now. Nine months. There you go. Is that Inside Out? No. It looks like that, but I swear to God it's not. I got it at Walmart. A lot of people mention, is the shirt Inside Out? That's how you know it's a really cool shirt.

When everybody's like, hey, I think your shirt's Inside Out. It's like the whole new trend. It's like the inside out confuser. That's fun. Not a lot of people wear shirts with the design of what the exterior of their heart looks like. That is a scar-tissued organ, it does appear to be. The methadone will do that to you.

It's one of those you've got to picture it if you're listening to the podcast. It looks like a damaged heart. So what's your story, Jesse? Like about a year ago, I stopped doing heroin and started doing comedy to kind of replace that rush. Heck yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That's pretty much rush. Heck yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. That's pretty much it. Very cool.

You used to shoot up or snort it? Just snort it. I'm too big of a pussy to snort or shoot it up. Oh, that's fun, man. I'm not hard. What do you do for work? Nothing. I'm unemployed right now.

Unemployed? Yeah. My goodness. So what do you do for fun? Heroin. Oh. Oh. Yeah. I thought you got off of it.

Well, I mean, I still fantasize about it and stuff. Oh, that's it. I've seen this on a documentary that after you do it, like you just think about it all the time after that. Really? And you have dreams about it? Constantly, all the time. All the time.

Constantly. Almost every time you fall asleep. So not only when you're awake are you thinking about it. When I'm awake and asleep, yeah. And then you fall asleep and you're still thinking about that. I mean, holy fucking shit. I cannot wait to try heroin one day. I mean, I'm just counting down the days until I get that fucking terminal illness diagnosis.

And I just disappear to Joshua Tree and just bury myself. Did you have overdoses? Like, did you overdose? Is that what made you quit? I mean, a few times, but nothing like, obviously nothing killed me. Yeah, no. Wow. My goodness.

So were you a big guy when you were on heroin too? No, actually. I looked great when I was on heroin. Really? I looked fantastic, yeah. So it started. So you're eating a lot to sort of. Yeah, just Twinkies and just everything.

Really? Actual Twinkies? I love a good Twinkie. How often do you have Twinkies? A couple times a week. Wow, you're like old school fat. Yeah. You're like a fat guy from the late 80s or something like that.

You're a fucking throwback. I'm like a hack fat guy, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That is cool Wow So you have a good support system around you Like how are you staying sober I mean I got my comedy friends

I got my fiance Oh your fiance that's cool We actually sleep in bunk beds Is that true Really That's weird That's a weird thing to lie about Dude you just admitted to doing heroin and dreaming about it.

We're going to believe anything that you say right now. Yeah, for sure. But I believe that you and her slept on bottom bunks, for sure. Where did you meet her at? Work. Just before I got fired. Yeah, what was that job? Starbucks. Starbucks? Starbucks.

Wow, you guys met as baristas, huh? And then what? One lunch break, you guys are sitting around. She's like, I'm in the mood for something a little bit vent-y. More like a tall, but you know.

I had quit, and then we started I had quit and then we started hanging out and then we started making out. Tale as old as time. Damn, I like that. How long have you guys been together now? Coming up on three years. Three years. When are you going to get married? It's tentative. We don't have a...

Jesus Christ. There's some people that... Is she here tonight? No. Oh, good. Oh, that's fun. Well, cool, man. That's very exciting stuff. And you said nine months on stand-up comedy.

You love it? Yeah. You go up a lot? Yeah. Yeah, Kid Rock? I try to. Yeah, I'm just curious. You joked a lot about suicide.

Have you, like, ever tried committing suicide? I mean, what do you think the whole heroin thing was? Well, a lot of times when people shoot up heroin, it's for the joy of heroin. It's not like they're trying to kill themselves with heroin. Really? But you never did enough to actually accomplish it?

Obviously not. Wow. You gotta try harder, man. Do you ever have any flashbacks or you ever like you know you're sitting at a red light and your hand starts melting or anything crazy I mean it's not like acid no you could have been the first ever to have heroin flashbacks that's a if if I do I'll let you know you'll be the first to know. Right. Interesting stuff. All right. Well, Jesse, I'm glad that you found stand-up to replace your bad habits. There he goes, Jesse McIntyre. So before we go, we had a comedian on the first show that was different than everybody else that was on stage during the first show.

And I promised him a spot on this show so here he is. Ladies and gentlemen, Isaiah Gray doing a brand new minute. A minute different than on the first show from Isaiah Gray. Yeah, what's up motherfuckers? Yeah, you know white people be like this

and black people be like that but lizard people be controlling our government. That's some crazy shit. Shit, I forgot the jokes out there. What up, though? I'm bad with my teeth. I had a bridge in my mouth recently, but then I lost that bridge. And now it just gave me a lot of fear lately,

because if I move my tongue around too much, my teeth come out my mouth. So I'm in very terrible conditions for eating pussy at the moment. Because you can't be eating somebody out, and then your teeth fall into them. Because, you know, my teeth, that bridge cost $3,000.

That's the most valuable thing going inside of them during that exchange. My dick is whack. It's probably worth a rebate. You get $4 back and it's all in change. But it's not changed.

Like, none of his quarters. Like, I don't want that call from somebody talking about, like, that they busy got the gum disease known as gingivitis. And then they got to do a Listerine douche. That's some bullshit. I'm sorry about that. All right. Fuck yeah. Isaiah Gray.

Absolutely. That's how it's done. Another new minute from Isaiah Gray. Heck yeah. My goodness. So that's true. How did you lose your bridge? It's dumb shit, man.

Dumb shit? I like candy and I floss bad. That's pretty much it. But you had a $3,000 bridge put in and you lost it or it's broke? Yes. But to both? Yes to both. You broke it and lost it.

Well, I got it somewhere around. Right. You ever think about taking out your teeth and eating pussy? Because it's an interesting excuse to not want to eat pussy is, yo, babe, I would, but my bridge is broken in my mouth. Nah, eating pussy is great if you ain't a coward. I'm good at it. But my question is, you said that it gives you trouble eating pussy.

My question is, do you ever just take out your teeth and then eat the pussy? Yeah. Oh, okay. Hell yeah. Yes, Kid Rock. Yeah, I'd like to point out your teeth and then eat the pussy? Yeah. Oh, okay. Hell yeah. Yes, Kid Rock. Yeah, I'd like to point out the fact that he just called every man who doesn't eat pussy a coward. Yeah. No, it's true.

I heard it. I stand by that. I stand by that. Absolutely. We stand by you, Isaiah Gray. Heck yeah. When's the last time you ate a pussy, Isaiah? A few weeks ago, I guess. A few weeks ago, I guess.

A few weeks ago, you guess. Man, I've been doing a lot of acid lately. The last guy knew when the last time he ate a Twinkie was. You don't know the last time you ate a pussy? Yeah, but he a fat bitch. I mean... Man, you really don't like this. You know how long I've been telling Jesse to just do heroin again?

Oh, my God. Holy shit. I love him. He's one of my best friends. He's one of my best friends. I like your style. Heck, yeah. What's it like being the only black guy in a 10-mile radius right now?

There's, like, four of us here. Really? But, like, sometimes it's empowering. Are they just in white face right now? I don't see them anywhere. They're just laying there trying to blend in. All right, there's one. There's at least three of us here that I know of.

I know there's at least three of us. That's a woman. I haven't seen a black man since I got at the airport in Los Angeles. Other than you, Isaiah. This is it. So what's it like? Is this where you're from? Yeah.

How'd you end up here? I walked. Are you close with your parents? Huh? Yeah. My mom, if she hears this podcast, she's going to be real mad about them teeth because I'm on her dental insurance still.

Damn. Son, quit eating pussy. Keep your teeth in. How many times do I have to tell you? What does your mom do? She does... I think she's a counselor for the VA or something like that. She works for the VA.

I think she's a counselor. All right. You're on my PPO insurance, but I'm not down with you eating OPP. Oh, shit. Wow. How about you? What do you do for work? I told you earlier, I got fired from that restaurant.

Oh, you got fired from the restaurant. Why did you get fired again? I took too long to take a drug test. Oh, that's right. His teeth kept falling in the soup. You took too long to take a drug test. So you basically mean that you refused to take the drug test. No, I took it, but I took it on my own leisure

because they made it sound like I could. And then they were just like, no, you're supposed to go do that drug test when we sent you. What restaurant makes you do a drug test? That's a good question. I've worked at 100 restaurants. Proximo in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's a Latin fine dining restaurant, Proximo. Wow. How long did you ever heard of? Oh, Proximo in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's a Latin fine dining restaurant.

Proximo. Wow. How long did you work there for? Like almost a year. Yeah, that was just their way of firing you. They wanted to fire me. That's it. Yeah, I know. Who does a drug test at a restaurant? Yeah, that's fucking stupid. And especially the black guy. It's like, we know you do drugs,

dude. It's like if you test him, you're going to have to fire him. I was a 28-year-old busser. Of course I was high doing that job. We have all worked at restaurants. Completely fucked up. I think they deserve some bad Yelp reviews, in my opinion. Heck yeah.

Heck yeah. Put my name in all of the reviews. Y'all niggas whack for firing Isaiah. He was the shit. Put in the Yelp review. Are you guys against eating pussy? Yeah. If there's anybody that knows anything about burning bridges, it's you, Isaiah.

Anybody hiring out here, though? Heck yeah. Yeah, you're going gonna get a job tonight After that story That's actually an interesting Is there anybody here that could hire Isaiah for some work? I bet there actually is What do you do for work sir?

You print t-shirts You need a guy around the Warehouse that could help you out You guys could have like a really cool Some type of Fuck Fuck it warehouse that could help you out. You guys could have a really cool some type of some type of fuck. Fuck it. Really? When can he

start? End of August he loses a few people. You want to make t-shirts? I was trying to get that job eating pussy. Isaiah is unemployable it seems. Yeah I'll take that job though. There you go. Isaiah is unemployable, it seems. Yeah, I'll take that job, though.

There you go. You guys are going to exchange information after the show. Kill Tony, changing the economy of Fort Wayne, Indiana. Hell yeah. How about one more time, good and loud for Isaiah Gray, everybody. There he goes. We did it. There you go. Another one down the hatch.

Another episode of Kill Tony. The Fort Wayne episodes. How exciting. What a fun, quick little two-day power weekend we've been through together. I thank you guys. So many people came to all the shows. I mean, you guys are so awesome that

spent the whole weekend with us that's fucking cool we got I joked about it the first show yesterday we got all the people that go out in Fort Wayne out in Fort Wayne this is the entire social scene it seems so thank you guys so much for your loyalty and

I know so many of you drove from different, obviously very far places to be here, so thank you and congratulations to you for being the comedy fans with the best taste in the world. Make some noise for the great and powerful Jeremiah Watkins as Kid Rock. Yep.

He's got the new Reagan and Watkins album available for sale after the show and CDs. You could buy them straight from him. He'll sign them for you if you want a picture. He could do that. He's got new episodes of Jeremiah Wonders and a bunch of other fun things. Anything else, Jeremiah? Yeah, the Danish and O'Neill episode is dropping on Monday, Jeremiah Wonders,

and then there's a roadcast episode with Joel Jimenez and Pat Reagan on our way to Phoenix. There you go. Kill Tony pins and Tony Hinchcliffe pins available for sale after the show. Facial hair optional. And don't forget Miami next weekend, Key West, Red Band in San Diego, me at the Hollywood Improv. We're going to Dallas, Sacramento, San Francisco.

Australia goes on sale in two weeks, November 7th in D.C., and a weekend of stand-up right after that, and perhaps a return to New York that should be announced officially any day now. Almost positive that's happening on that Sunday right after Washington, D.C. So very exciting stuff. Yes, Jeremiah? Yeah, before we go, we missed having our buddy Joel Berg here

tonight. Can we get a Joel Berg chant maybe for him? Wow. Look at that. Wow. Love you, Joel Berg. There you go. Thanks a lot, guys. We love you. you good night you Thank you.