KILL TONY - KILL TONY #389

Episode Date: September 6, 2019

Ms. Pat, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 09/02/2019     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes of Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.TV. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes of Kill Tony and tour dates. If you click on tour dates,

you'll see that we're going to be in La Jolla, California, September 22nd. October 3rd, we're going to be in Dallas, Texas. October 16th through 17th, we're going to be in Sacramento, California. October 18th and 19th is Kill Tony Mania. There's still some tickets left. That's going to be in San Francisco, California. Then October 25th, we're going to be in Australia, Brisbane. October 26th, we're going to be in Melbourne, Australia. October 27th, we're going to be in Sydney, Australia. And then November 7th, we're going to be in Washington, D.C. Go to DeathSquad.TV and click on tour dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website,

TonyHinchcliffe.com. There he has his own tour dates. He's got some merch. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, the house artist, he draws every episode. Check out RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, shopsquad.tv. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. You also got some Kill Tony shirts left and a bunch of new stuff coming soon. So check out shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchclack.

Wow. Hello, Comedy Store. Come on, we're here at Kill Tony. Make some fucking noise. Brian Redband is here. Yeah, Brian J. Ebeld already drawing tonight's episode. It has begun. So much fun stuff happening. And yeah, I'm excited to be here.

The beautiful Comedy Store is a good looking audience. We have some fucking Keltoni legends out here, I see. And another looking audience we have. Some fucking Kill Tony legends out here I see. And another day at the office. I find out whether I go to West Palm Beach tomorrow. Oh yeah. If it's still there. Yeah exactly. I've been plugging this date for a while and now there's a hurricane there so I don't know if I'm

going to be there or not this weekend but if you live in West Palm Beach good luck and if I'm there then I'm there this weekend. And then Kill Tony's on the road. We have a lot of fun stuff coming up. We're going to Washington, D.C., Dallas, Texas, San Francisco, Sacramento, and Australia, Melbourne, Brisbane, and Sydney.

And, yeah, so get tickets for that. That's all coming up. A lot of fun stuff. And a lot of fun guests coming up. I'm excited about them. Mark Normand at the end of September. That is so funny. We just got Louis J. Gomez with

Michael Bisping for the first week in October. Exciting stuff. You know, booking the show is not easy. Hiring is challenging. But there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That place is ZipRecruiter.com slash Kill Tony.

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You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Every single week on this show, we have one of the funniest comedians in the world. Sometimes two, but sometimes one. When I have a guest on that I'm excited about and I like to let it breathe and get to have as much fun as we possibly can have with that guest,

this is one of those episodes. This is her first time on the show. She's an unbelievable, one of the greatest comedians in the world. I had to go up after her the other night. I went up before her the other night too. I mean, it's just crazy. She's absolutely hilarious. You know her from her great appearances on the Joe Rogan Experience, and so many other great things,

the star of the hit podcast, The Pat Down, with Miss Pat, I present to you the great Miss Pat, everybody! Wow. Holy shit. The great and powerful Miss Pat. We've waited a long time for this. I told her before the show, I said, Miss Pat, I have had every single other great comedian on this show.

I've been waiting a long time for this, and I'm excited. How are you, Miss Pat? Oh, thank you for having me. I haven't been here because I don't fucking live here. You send me a ticket and I'll be at your bedroom, Tony. Oh, shit. Wow, look at that. I do white babies now. I do white babies. Oh, shit. Wow, look at that. I do white babies now.

I do white babies. Oh, my. Damn, what airline do you fly? Jet Black? It ain't no Southwest. I love it. Well, we're going to have fun. I'm so excited for you to feel the crazy experience that is Kill Tony.

I'm especially excited for you to see our band. We have a band on this show. You guys, any Kill Tony fans out there in the audience tonight? Then you know what I'm talking about. They're some of my funniest pals. They are absolutely hilarious professional comedians, and they are the best damn band in the land. Every single

episode, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They're in a separate green room before the show, and maybe it's police officers. Maybe it's milkmen. Maybe it's famous people. You never know. So let's all find out together what they're going to be all night tonight. Make some noise for the Kill Tony band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joelbert Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. Whoa, what is this? Wow, this is interesting.

Wow, I believe it's... My goodness. Wow. Clearly this is the first time these characters have been on this show. I do believe... Are these gay stepdads? You're so funny, Tony. We're dads at a barbecue, Tony. You are dads at a barbecue.

Yeah, that's exactly what we are. Wow, all right. I've never even really met dads at a barbecue. I never got to barbecue with my dad. Sorry to rub it in. So you got some ketchup and some Pellegrino. This our white man barbecue? You get your ass beat in the hood.

Who want to eat barbecue with your ass hanging out? Jesus. I love it. We get some new band members tonight. How do black people barbecue? I've never been to one before. With joints and fucking hats turned backwards.

Dressed up. Okay. Uh-oh. Sounds like someone called the police already. Sorry. How is you? That shit scared me. I thought they was coming to get me. I love it.

Got my dash cam right here. Well, don't beat a bitch. Always ready over there. What's your name, lead? Dwayne Wilcox. Dwayne Wilcox? Dwayne Wilcox. Dwayne Wilcox?

Dwayne. Dwayne Wilcox. Got it. Dwayne, like a black person. Yeah. And then over there, clearly, we have Jeffrey Epstein's bloated corpse, it appears. Hey, Tony, name's Larry. Larry.

One word name. I like it. And clearly back here, we have Joel's grandfather. Just a straight up Mexican guy. Name's Phil Dempsey, Tony. Phil Dempsey. I wore my airplane shirt for you. Oh, wow. Thank you, Phil. And also, my

baby mama is African American. You telling a goddamn lie. Ain't nobody black fucking you. I know what black people fucking is not dead. I'm going to go to more black barbecues now. Phil Dempsey, is this true? Yeah. Yeah, my baby mama is African American.

Yeah? Yeah. Where'd you meet her? At a barbecue. Okay. So we have the band, we have Miss Pat, it's Dad's at a barbecue tonight. We have the soundboard,

which brings me to this, everybody. It's the Bucket of Destiny. A bunch of people signed up for the show. If I pull your name out, you get to come on stage, do 60 seconds of uninterrupted stand-up comedy, and then we interview you, find out more about your life and what makes you interesting.

You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're gonna bring out the one and only Angry West Hollywood Bear. Alright, that's it. You guys ready to start the show? Monday night. I just need a little bit more.

You guys ready to start this fucking episode? There we go. There we go. There you go. Yes. Yes. And your first comedian, getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight

and then talking with all of us afterwards, goes by the name of Joel Malams. Or Malams. Joel Malams. Or Malams. Joel Malams. Here he comes. Your first comedian of the night, Joel Malams, everybody. Hola.

I don't always drink, but when I do I get hammered. The other evening I was playing the drinking game King's Cup with a friend, a couple friends. Out of the rule, you have to zomboney the drink

off the table if you spill it. The next thing I know I'm looking down at a puddle of beer with some cat hair in it, and I take one for the team. It's the first thing that can happen. It's amazing how you can... Some of my friends didn't want to play at all. Ten minutes later, hammered and doing some sort of accent, this one chick

starts talking as Dobby from Harry Potter. Dobby! Dobby cannot deal with the financial burdens of 2019 anymore. Dobby! Dobby needs a sock.

Fuck yeah, Joel Malins. Hell yeah. What about this guy? You think this guy's ever had sex with a black woman before, Miss Pat? Fuck no. My goodness, Joel. I don't know what you remind me of exactly, but... My God.

What the fuck was he talking about? This looks like all the cast members of Forrest Gump mushed together. Joel, you did a great job with drying my pussy out. That is incredible. Look at you. You just look like a spilled pile of Q-tips. Well, Tony, on a positive note, you can join us at a barbecue in a few years.

My goodness. Here comes David. I hope your parents is rich. Is that true? Do you have rich parents? I'm guessing. I get that vibe from you. My dad was a nurse. My mom

she's a swim teacher. Dad's a nurse. What is a mom? A CEO? Your mama teach swim lessons? Yeah. They don't have no money. My goodness. Where would she teach swim lessons at? Where'd you come from? Not at a black barbecue.

Dwayne Wilcox. Where are you from? Montana originally. Whitefish is the name of the town. I knew this was Montana bullshit. Even the fish are white. Is that the sequel to Blackfish? Anyway.

Okay. Back to you, Tony. So, Joel, how long were you in Whitefish, Montana? About 19 years. Would you learn how to do that? What was some of the things you did for fun i grew up skiing there and mountain biking i love to do artwork it's whiter and whiter keep going

and don't forget drinking cat hair yeah what does that mean you said you zombo knee things did you notice that what did what Zom-boney mean to you? That's what he calls it, is to Zom-boney the drink. Why Zom-boney? Like an ice rink Zom-boney. You think that's a Zom-boney? Is that what they use at an ice rink, a Zom-boney? You hearing me right?

What are you laughing about? I don't even know if you're on this. We're talking about the same thing right now. I believe so. You think it's a Zom-boney? Yeah, you're on the number one're talking about the same thing right now. I believe so. You think it's a Zamboni? Yeah, you're on the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony. Zamboni?

Is that what you think it is? That's what he called it, yes. That's what he called it. And what is it? That's what cleans the ice. It's not really. I mean, that's not really what. First of all, it's a motherfucking zamboni. I mean, holy shit, dude.

And second of all, it's not an ice cleaner. It's an even it out, clean the ice. What do you think, the ice is getting dirty? You talking about an ice game, Maurice? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've lost y'all white people confusing the fuck out of me. Samboni, what the fuck? We roller skate, but okay.

Jesus Christ. Is that true? Black people don't go on the ice? I guess I don't really see that. Not unless it's black ice. Fuck you. Frozen water is less scary. I think we mostly roller skate.

It's too cold. We don't like cold shit. So, Joel, we found out that you're one of the whitest humans that's ever been on this show. You're up here with a powerful black woman. What would be your first move if you were going to... Fuck me. Yeah. Thank you. You made that very easy for me, if you, fuck me. Yeah. Thank you.

You made that very easy for me and I appreciate that. I think he's scared. How would you pick up me? Say you guys are at a bar. You're the only two people there. This song comes on. He probably never heard this shit. Hey baby. You got it. Come on. Oh shit. comes on. He probably never heard this shit. Hey, baby.

Oh, shit. Come on. Come on. We're going back to the group. Oh, shit. It's fucking going down. He done pissed on himself. Oh, my God.

We're going back to the group. She's about to use you as a fucking dildo, bro. Yeah. More like a tampon. Put a little fucking string at the end of his shoe. That's the first time you heard the black person. My goodness. What would your parents say if you took a... Let's say you went back to visit your parents

in Whitefish, Montana, and you brought Miss Pat back with you over Thanksgiving. What do you think they would say? There would be a little surprise factor to that. I would love to. Perfect answer. It couldn't have been any better. There'd be a little surprise factor.

This is my girlfriend, Miss Piat. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Joel, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Second time. Second time ever on stage, really? Your first time was here?

Yes, first time a few weeks back. Yeah, yeah. Wow. So how come you don't go up other places? No, I live in San Clemente, and there's not much of a scene there, so I try to drive up here every Monday. What's in San Clemente? Gossip surfers and drinking.

Wow. You drink a lot, huh? No, I really try not to drink. I work at Fred's Market Liquor, though, there. And I'm still living out of my vehicle. Oh, yeah. You look like you're living out of your vehicle. Yeah.

What kind of vehicle is it? It's a VW Golf. Oh, fuck. I put my life savings into it. I wish I would have got a van. You put your life savings into a small person's car. He's so white, even his car plays golf. That's why the VW

stands for very white. Why do you live there? If you live in your car, you can move anywhere you want. I've been thinking about that a lot. Hopefully I'll be able to get back up here, get a job up here. You live in Calabasas, dude.

You answer these questions so beautifully honest. I wish other people would take notes. So where do you shower? I go to 24 Hour Fitness Oh wow So you steal it It's my other humble abode Wow so you literally go in there

Clearly have never picked up a weight At the 24 Hour Fitness You just walk by all those fucking things With a beach towel and a change of clothes Just to wash your ass Bless your heart. Do you ever grab anything? You ever pick up a kettle bell or anything like that?

That would kill him. Lifting alcoholic beverages more lately. Wow. Alcohol seems to be a real running thing for you. So how much are we talking about? What level of alcoholism or drinking are we talking about? What level of alcoholism or drinking are we talking about?

He's homeless a lot. Yeah. Once a week or so, but it just turns into one of those five, like just staying up all night. What do you mean staying up all night? That's a different thing. Sorry, say that again?

Are you doing drugs? I do like mushrooms. Well, my parents, if they listen to this, are going to be quite surprised. They know. Take my word. My goodness. Wow.

I try to be responsible about it, though. Is this something that you were doing in Montana as well, or did it just sort of, you found the wrong crew in San Clemente, started riding around late at night on Zombonis and whatnot? Yeah, I'll ask you this way. How much does it snow in Montana? It snows a bunch. Wow.

Even your favorite drugs are white as fuck. It's incredible. Sometimes. So you're really having this party time out there in San Clemente, sleeping in your car, working at a liquor store, doing it again. I got a DUI when I was 21, so that ruins...

That's why you don't take your work home with you. You got a DUI when you were 21. How old are you now? 27 now. Do you have a girlfriend? No you were 21. How old are you now? 27 now. 27 now. Do you have a girlfriend? No girl right now. Huh. Boy?

Is there anything that inspires you? Yes. I love art, and I love listening to this show, and I love comedy. And I just love sports generally and hanging out with people. How are you watching sports when you're homeless? I just like playing sports. Yeah, what kind of sports do you play? I actually do play golf.

That was one of my main ones. Oh, my God. I mean, this is a goddamn anomaly. I used to be a club professional, actually. Wow. Wow. Yeah. What do you think the whitest thing about you is? Is there more that you're not telling us?

Because every question I ask, it's incredible. Go ahead. Do you know how to cook? I do. I love to cook. I love to bake. What the fuck do you cook? Nothing. He lives in his car. Why do fuck do you cook? Nothing.

He live in his car. Why you keep asking him shit he does in a real house? He can't cook in his car. A cigarette lighter is not going to fry chicken and shit. Might have some Quaker oats or something in there. If you had a kitchen, what's the first thing that you would make? If you had a kitchen. Lately I've been into salads and salmon or steak.

Every answer is whiter than the one before. I like my Pop-Tarts, too. You know how to cook. Salads. Straight to salads. He shocked me with that answer. Salmon came in the number two spot. My goodness.

What's your wallpaper on your phone? It is planet Earth. Jesus fucking Christ, man. This is unbelievable. My God. Do you have any tattoos? No tattoos, but thinking about getting one soon, honestly.

Which one? What are you going to get? I'm thinking a wolf. You son of a bitch. Wow. This is incredible. Have you had any diversity in your life? Fuck Do you just eat mayonnaise out of a jar? What do you think

What do you think is the most Cultured thing about you Wow, thank you, Dwayne I was never gonna to get there. Just traveling out here has taught me so much. Look, hold on. Stop. Stop.

First of all, first of all, stop. Hold on a second. You're telling me you got your culture, the most cultured thing about you is that you drove from Montana to here? To San Clemente, not even here. San Clemente's whiter than here.

There's barely, very few black people in Montana. No shit. And it's cold. That's a big reason I came out here. And it's nothing to fucking do. And that. So what do you think? What do you think? Yeah, big reason I came out here. And it's nothing to fucking do. And that. So what do you think?

What do you think? What do you think is the most diverse thing about you? The most thing that you're into that would surprise us the most? Something not white. You like black porn? Guilty. Guilty. He said guilty. Wait, black what?

Black porn, pornography. Oh, guilty, huh? So you watch it on your phoneilty, huh? What is that? So you watch it on your phone in your car? Yeah. Really? Wow. iPhone triple X.

Goodness, that is incredible. So have you ever been with a black woman before? No. Wow. Have you ever kissed a black woman before? I have not. Is that something you'd be interested in doing? Not tonight. Not tonight.

Not tonight, motherfucker. What if I had a stand-in for you, Miss Pat? Get the stand-in. All right. Red bean kissing. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the one and the only, the great, the powerful. You know her. You love her.

Everybody. Aphrodite. Oh, Jesus Christ. The fuck? Here she is. The one and the only. Sideways, guys. Sideways.

No, you got to kiss her. Oh, no, no, no. That's what we called your ass up here. Aphrodite. You got to stand there. No, you got to kiss her. Go help that white boy out. Go kiss him.

Aphrodite, show this guy how it's done. Wow. Yeah. And there you have it. How about one more time, good enough, for the great Aphrodite? How about one more time for Joel Malams, everybody? Now he pronounces it Zom-boner. Joel, how do you feel right now?

You are as bright as a fucking red pepper. In Montana, they call that a Hershey's kiss. What? You've never kissed a white man before? Wow, look at that. And you still haven't kissed a white man. That's a white boy. A white boy?

Joel, how did it feel? How did it feel? I'm super happy. I'm amazed. Was the lip soft? Yeah. feel? How did it feel? I'm super happy. I'm amazed. Wait, wait. Was the lip soft? Yeah. Do you feel a little something in your underwear right now?

You feel a little... Hold on, hold on. Some amazing energies already. I don't know. Did your peckle get hard? Yeah. Tony, I would have loved it if when he said how did it feel, he goes, gooder than a motherfucker. Joel, how do you feel? I feel amazing One last question, Joel

What do you think your parents are going to say when they find this episode on the internet? I have no idea, I'm hoping they don't find it There he goes, Joel Malams, everybody, and the great Aphrodite. What a way to get the show started. Might be the record for our longest interview. Sorry, everybody.

It's just destiny. Come on. One more time for Joel, everybody. He just had his first kiss with a black woman. It's incredible. And Aphrodite made up for lying about being able to drum from a few weeks ago all at one time. You fucking.

All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys having fun yet, huh? All right. Make some noise for your next comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds. His name is Stephen Belkowski. Stephen Belkowski. This is fun.

I already like this episode a thousand times more than last week's. This is exciting. One more time for Stephen, everyone. Alright, so last week I saw a sign that said, Call your mother. And I was like, you know what, I do need to call my mom.

But I was on my way to work, so I was like, I'm going to call her tomorrow. And I called her the next day. And my dad was there, and he was like, Hey, so we were at your aunt's last night, and she wanted to see some of your stand-up. So we tried to show her that link that you sent us, and it had expired. So we Googled your name, and what happens when you Google my name is my Facebook comes up, and then my Instagram comes up, and then about seven different web links to the Rojan Kim cast entitled Virginia is for Druggies with Stephen Balkowski comes up.

And my dad was like, yeah, after like the third fuck, we decided to pause it. We figured it wasn't appropriate for the kids. And I was like, I've probably never said anything into a microphone in my life that was appropriate for kids. Sorry for not telling jokes. Fuck yeah, Stephen Balkowski. My goodness. Yeah, it was like right after you said all that shit about like, what do you think your parents are going to say when they find this podcast? I was like, now I can't

not open with that. I don't know. I should have done jokes. My bad. Wow, Steven, you're still talking. It's pretty incredible. Welcome to the show. You've been on before, right? You were the last comedian?

What? Nothing. He's a stoned white guy, surfer type of just doofiness. But I like your style. You're from California, I'm guessing. Virginia. Virginia. Oh, the complete opposite. Welcome, welcome.

You've been on this show before? Yeah, a couple times, but not in a while. Yeah. What's been going on? Well, actually, the last time I'd just gotten hired at this dispensary, I got on the day that actually, the last time I'd just gotten hired at this dispensary, I got on the day that I got the interview,

and then I got on two weeks later, right after I started. And then I've been scheduled every Monday since, so this was the first Monday that they scheduled me in the morning shift, so I'm off at 5.30, and I was like, it's perfect. Keep going. Make it longer. Yeah.

What were the other days that they had you work during the week and shifts? off at 5.30 and I was like, it's perfect. Keep going. Make it longer. Tell us what were the other days that they had you work during the week and shifts? I worked some Tuesdays a lot of the time. Roughly the same shift, but it kind of sometimes fluctuates. Sometimes I work 5 until 10. Wow. Sometimes 2 until

10 even. That's fucking incredible. What's after Tuesday? After Tuesday? Yeah, do you work Wednesdays? No. So, Stephen, what else has been going on in life? I've been working some Thursdays as well. And then a couple

of my co-workers, I'm not scheduled for the weekends, but they'll let me pick up some shifts here and there. How about when you're not? Yeah? Why does he look like the villain in a D.A.R.E. ad campaign? I came straight from work. I sell drugs.

You're totally in your work clothes. Those are Spencer-y clothes. When he was walking up here, I thought he was a white cheek. Thank you. I think that's why I got hired. We talked about that in one of my earlier episodes from the back I have a lot of appeal

and then from the front it's still kind of there if I shave hell yeah listen I'm a hit with the customers trust me nothing better than going into a dispensary and seeing something that looks like you.

I haven't had anybody question any advice that I've given them. Really? Nobody's ever offered a second thought or we heard somewhere else. It's just as soon as I say something, they're like, oh, wow, I didn't know that. I don't know. I feel like a genius. That's because you've given them a 20-minute answer and they just want it to be open. No more questions. That's because you've given them like a 20 minute answer and they just want it to be open. No more questions.

That's incredible. It's usually the case. So I can see the look in people's faces sometimes when I'm like, I need to go smoke. They look as shit the fuck up. I know. Yeah. What do you do for fun when you're not working? I smoke.

Yeah. What else? Just smoking and stand-up. Smoking and stand-up. You do a lot of spots? It's been cut since I've been working. Have you tried Wednesdays? I've been looking

at it, but... Sundays? Again, I pick up shifts on Sundays sometimes. Man, that's incredible. Yeah. What's the story? What's the big goal for you? It seems like you are getting stoned a lot.

All right. So basically, in September, the new iPhone is coming out, right? I'm going to get the new iPhone, and then every morning when I wake up, I'm going to take a picture of the weed that I'm going to get the new iPhone And then every morning When I wake up I'm going to take a picture of the weed that I'm smoking And then I'm going to smoke the weed And Then a bunch of kids in states like Arkansas and Virginia

Where it's not legal Are going to be hitting their shitty weed And dabs and stuff And they're going to be like fuck this Let me look up kids that can smoke good weed and then they'll see me. Wow. Can you do anything interesting?

Like, let me give you some ideas like rob a bank. Do you know how to take a dab? Do I know how to do what? Take a dab. What the fuck is a dab? I would say that's kind of interesting then if you don't know. It's when a guy like this has a blow

torch within a few feet of you. Or an e-nail. It's a fire hazard. Crackhead. I go to bass actor shows sometimes too. You go to what? Bass actor shows. Oh, okay. Bass actor. That's fun. I think he was more boring than

the last white dude. Yeah. It's incredible. We're going. It's a good time. I think he was more boring than the last white dude. Yeah. It's incredible. We're going the wrong direction here. Yeah. Totally different Forrest Gump character, too. It's his Vietnam vet, Lieutenant Dan. I didn't smoke first thing in the morning, and so it's like I'm higher than I usually am

because I had that four-hour tolerance break before my lunch break. Oh, my God. Your life is my lunch break. Oh my God. Your life is in shambles, my friend. Let's check in with Dwayne Wilcox. Yeah. When was the last time your father said, I love you? So that was the thing.

So after I told him about like, or after he told me that they failed the podcast, he was like, we'd ask, you know, figured we should ask your permission to watch it. And I was like, yeah, you know, go for it. I'm just going to let you know what you're going to see and hear. And so I told him, I was like, you know, basically, yeah, I do drugs.

Yeah, no, you would think. You would think. Wait, what son? I had no idea. No, like a year before I moved out here, my parents were coming to see me. Can I just say this is the worst audio book I've ever listened to? It happens. Jesus Christ.

This is High Times, the podcast. Would you like to sell your hair? Potentially. How many pounds are you looking at? Oh, my God. You say you do drugs. I mean, not weed. What else do you do?

Everything. I like to trip, mainly. Pretty much, I just do psychedelics. I decided after my parents found out I do drugs, I should stop doing coke and molly, which I don't really do Molly anymore. Wait, you said that, hold on, stop for a second. You said that after your parents found out

that you did drugs, you started doing... I decided I should no longer do those. Oh, okay. Yeah. I already don't really do them like that. Hold on, wait a second. Phil, you called him a nerd. Phil, what kind of drugs do you do?

All of them. Really? Yeah. You're a dad at a nerd. Phil, what kind of drugs do you do? All of them. Really? Yeah. You're a dad at a barbecue. What's the most recent drug that you did? Cocaine, Tony. Somebody's got to man the grill. My goodness.

All right, Steven. Drop top. Stop top. Cooking up. Stop top. Whoa, are you doing Migos? I told you, my baby mama's African American. Oh!

That's incredible. Well, Steven, while you're doing drugs, may I recommend maybe next time some Adderall before... I used to do Adderall. Ugh! I was prescribed it, but then one time I went in, and I never used to go in to get it refilled high, but the one time that I did, they were like, hey, we need to drug test you now.

Is it just me, or have we dismissed him four times already? Yeah. Anything else? Is there anything you don't do? Yeah, Coke, Molly, and Adderall. What did he say? Coke, Molly, and Adderall. That's what he doesn't do.

I thought he said he did all of those I used to do it Well what the fuck are you on tonight? Honestly an orange creamsicle It's a sativa dominant hybrid By Fadeco It's got the terpene profile of a green crack It's pretty fucking damn

I hate white keys drugs We're gonna keep it moving along There goes Stephen Belkowski everybody I hate white kids' drugs. We're going to keep it moving along. There goes Stephen Belkowski, everybody. It's been a very diverse show. You want to pull one? Yeah, let's do it. Miss Pat goes to the bucket.

Okay, we got the great Evan Vess. Yeah. I pull Evan Vess. Evan Vess. Here he I pour Evan Vess. Come on, baby. Evan Vess. Here he comes. Oh, shit. So I like to smoke weed at 420.

I'm a super cheesy stoner like that. Just real stereotypical. I just think it's cool that there's a drug with a time frame attached to it. It would be weird if blow had a time. You know what I mean? Be like, we smoke weed at 4.20, and we do blow at 11, and then 11.15, and 11.30, and 11.45, and 11.50, and then midnight, and then 1.15, 11.30, 11.45, 11.50, and then midnight, and then 1.15, 1.30, and by 2 a.m. you're just arguing with your friend about who's had the worst life, you know? I'm just saying, bro, all my cousins killed themselves. All of them have had it worse. It's weird.

I like to do a character, if that's cool. Character. Sure, cool, man. This is an awful mime. Remember that dead performance art mime? This is an awful mime. Alright, here we go. I'm trapped in a box. Trapped in a box and I can't get out.

Now I'm doing the rope thing. Thanks, everybody. I'm Evan. Evan Vest. Wow. There you go. How are you, Evan? Good, man. Really good. How's it going? I was a little bit misled. Evan, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like a school shooter. Thank you.

Yeah. I'm blown away. I've never seen Silent Bob without a hat. Thank you. This is incredible This is incredible Step over there Evan Don't step too close He looks spooky as a motherfucker It is true For those of you just listening to the podcast

Evan looks like he's transitioning Into a warthog It's quite incredible Animorph style baby I love it what's your story Evan It's your incredible. Animorph style, baby. I love it. What's your story? If it wasn't your first time on the show, I'd remember that face. That's for sure. Who Jackie you stole? I'm from Humboldt County, California.

Ten miles north. I've been doing comedy there for five years. Haven't been to SoCal in ten years. Got here and said, I'm doing the store. I fucking got to. I love it. You did it. Here you are. Thanks, guys. Very cool. Fuck yeah. Very cool.

Fun jokes. I loved it so far. Let's find out more about you. What you've been doing up there in Humboldt County? I've been working with this magazine. We have a magazine out there. It's a comedy magazine called Savage Honey Magazine. Don't worry. I haven't heard of it either, but it's really cool. We have comics that just write for it from

all over. We go out and distribute it where we can. It's mainly West Coast right now, but it's Humboldt County originated. It's been cool. I see you have some elements of the last comedian with your answers. Hopefully not as embarrassing, but you know. Now, of course, you live in Humboldt County

and also under people's beds as a child? Yeah. Yeah. Finding mattresses under bridges, you know. I love it. Make it shake and bake. What do you do for fun, Evan?

I like to go to shows. I do drugs as well, too. Wow. Mainly all of them. So the drugs I don't do are meth. I've only done meth three times, which is glad I have a number. So, like, you can't. what happened the third time that made you Stopped I had to travel from like the Oregon border back over the California border

Which takes about three hours and the driver had meth He's like I'm gonna do it and I said I don't do that But I'm gonna do that too because we're probably gonna die if I'm gonna, but I'm going to do that, too, because we're probably going to die. And if I'm going to die, I'm going to be high on meth. Why would you die? Because he's on meth and driving. Because he's on meth and driving. And it's like fat. They're like narrow.

It's just like trees. You can't drive on meth? I mean, you can. Anybody can. Well, that's, I mean, it depends on the person. Seems like that'd be tough. Seems like that'd be the real life version of Breaking Bad. Yeah.

Smarter than it is funny, but it's a driving on meth joke. Breaking Bad. So what's the deal with the jacket? The jacket? I wear the jacket because it's just ridiculous for me to wear it. But, you know, I'm on the Sunset

Strip, so I decided to get all gussied up. You know what I mean? Oh. That ain't gussied up. I got to look cool. That's definitely castig ready. Yeah. Yeah, you look like a women's studies professor

at a community college. Thank you. I would be awful at that. Yeah. All right. Well, what else, Evan? What do you do for fun fun? I try to go to music shows as much as I can.

I'm really into music, all of it. A lot of out in Humboldt, you have a lot of reggae shows. We have a pretty big reggae festival out there. I'll go out there and do ass music. You also perform music, too too sometimes, don't you? Me? No. I'm not a musician in any. You're not.

You sure? I look like some shitty or something. That's not you? No. Objects in the rear view mirror? No. Meatloaf. Now we're getting this barbecue cooking. Hey.

Evan, what's your love life like? What's that? I'm really weird. Yeah, we know. It's real obvious. Ain't nobody fucking here. I can't really flirt traditionally. What are you doing?

I have bad anxiety. So you would shake a bitch to death. Yeah. No girl wants the guy that's like, please stop moving. Who does he look like? Lena Dunham. Nailed it. Nailed it.

He looks like Kid Rock Bottom. Hey. Hey. Dwayne Wilcox. Will Smith movie. The alien movie when the man landed. Oh, Independence Day. No, he had on an overall.

Oh, Men in Black. Oh, the guy that won sugar. Sugar. I need sugar. He just called you the sugar one. He looked like the dude that wants sugar. Sugar. I need sugar. He just called you the sugar water. He look like the dude who needed sugar. It's true. And it's funny because I do.

I do need that. He looks like where the wild things are at a job interview. When the last time you got laid that you didn't take it? Somebody voluntarily. He look like he take it. Somebody voluntarily. He looked like he'd take it. It's been like about a few months. It's been a few months.

You said that you're bad at flirting. Can you give us an example? Perhaps you just walked up to a bar and beautiful Miss Pat's sitting there sipping a drink. Are you trying to get him fucked up? I just want to see what type of game he has. You can use this napkin as chloroform or whatever you want.

No touching, by the way, Evan Vess. How you doing, Miss Pat? Oh my god. Alright, get back to the microphone. I totally regret. He's like, usually the girls I hit on are in a casket. His last Tinder match was at a mortuary.

What's the craziest thing you've ever done or had done to you sexually? Sexually? Yeah. Fuck the dead person. Oh, no. Man, asking that question just has, like, I don't know. I'm pretty vanilla. Like, I haven't had anything put in my butt before.

I like try it out. And actually, that's been like a source it out. That's been a source of frustration. I've had girls break up with me for being too vanilla. Really? Too vanilla? Yeah, for sure. Growing up as a weird ugly kid in school, you don't get

you know what I mean? You mature and when it finally starts happening it's like doing You just want to tap bitches up yeah straight like for a while it was just like straight missionary real boring straight missionary huh straight missionary the only good position

you never tried anything else um nothing like crazy radical I got um I got jacked off doing Spongebob 3D once in a movie theater. Hey, me too. Oh, my God. And then your voice stayed like Spongebob's?

Yeah, it was real weird. Bah! See, how did you get jerked off watching Spongebob? How does that happen? Wait a second. My friend were in the theater watching the movie, and she was horny. So she started jacking me off. Alright, yep.

Yeah, that's the noise I made. So she got horny so she started jacking you off. Yeah, I'm right there with you, man. I don't know if you've seen Spongebob 3D or not. It gets bitches wet. It really does. Dripping. I think that was an imaginary friend, Jackie.

Yeah. That was you jacking your damn self up. Absolutely. Put those 3D goggles on and just stare straight up at the sky, my friend. My baby mama likes it when I give her that long stroke from the back. Wait, is that true? Yes. You know he ain't got no long stroke from no back.

Oh, Miss Pat, I do. Really? Yes. That cucumber from the refrigerator. So I got one more question. You ever been with a man? No. I mean.

one more question. You ever been with a man? No. I mean... I've been flirting with before my men. I've had things happen. I just politely decline it. I'm straight. What did the guy that flirted with you, what did he say? He just walked

up to you and he's like, I'll literally fuck anything. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah, exactly. Alright, Evan. Well, it was nice to meet you. Had a great set. Fun interview. Thanks for coming on. There he goes, Evan Vest. He's on social media at Evan Vest is real.

So that's fun. Joel Malams is Joel Malams. Hey. How about a hand for the band killing it tonight? He had nice shoulder pads. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's see if maybe this will be a little bit different. How about some Andrew Papa?

Papa. Andrew Papa. Or Pooh. Papa. Andrew Papa. Here he comes. Here we go. Come on. One more time. Make some noise for Andrew, everybody. Thank you. I think that all service dogs are depressed because they're the best

boys and no one's petting them. It's kind of a rule. And we all know that, but they don't. So they're walking around. They've been trained for years to do just good boy stuff. And then they go to malls, airports, where there are thousands of people and no one touches them ever. What I'm saying is there's at least like

10 golden retrievers out there that like with these blind guys and they're at the crosswalk and they're like, if nobody pets me soon, it's over. I'm just going to walk. Like at this point, they got to be like, I think somebody wants this blind guy to die. No one's petting me.

If no one pets you, are you even a pet? You know, Feels uncomfortable. Yeah. Let's get one. I almost died recently. I'll do this quick. I almost died recently. I ran into a bear because that's what I do. And I wasn't afraid I was going to die. The only thing I didn't know is i don't know if medical examiners can tell if you shit yourself before and after you know like are they like dexter blood spatter analysts thank you all right thank you that's the bear here he is andrew papa am i saying that right pupa pupa yeah hell yeah I didn't want to say it like that.

That would be insulting. For my entire life it's Pupa so it doesn't matter as long as I get up here. It's cool. There you go. You did it. How's it going? Good. Yeah, it's good. Can't complain. This is nice. It's great. Fuck yeah. What ethnicity are you? I'm Italian and Irish.

I'm from Boston so it's just the hodgepodge. The usual. How long have you been doing stand-up? About five years. All of it here in LA? I'm Italian and Irish. I'm from Boston, so it's just the hodgepodge, the usual. Oh, okay. How long have you been doing stand-up? About five years. Five years. Yeah. All of it here in L.A.? I started out in OC because I moved out there from Boston,

and I'm not going to tell you the whole story because that's boring. But, yeah, five years and then been up here a little bit. What's the whole story? Just that I've been coming up here recently, like in the last couple years. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. So what do you do for work?

I work for a medical corporation. I do like quality control basically to make sure patients get good care. So that's my job. Well, that's good. I'm glad that you're doing that and not the other people that were pulled out of the bucket earlier. It's very safe and healthy. It seems like a good job. How old are you?

31. 31. What else about you? What do you do for fun? I actually run like ultra marathons. So I do that when I'm not doing this. I actually ran Mount Baldy this morning before I came here. Wow. That's exciting. Yeah, yeah.

That's a – Shit, I don't want to do – Yeah, I have a race up there in a couple weeks. It's 100-miler over the mountain. 100-mile long race. Yeah, yeah. That is incredible. Yeah. How long have you been running for? Since I was 21.

It's crazy that you run so much and you're the only one up tonight that doesn't look like something from Forrest Gump. Yeah, I try to stay away from that. Wow. It's uncomfortable. I was thinking the same thing, too. Finally a cute white boy. Thank you, Miss Pat. I appreciate that. Your mother, motherfucker, was spooky as fuck. Oh, man. I, a cute white boy. Thank you, Miss Pat. I appreciate that. Your mother motherfuckers were spooky as fuck.

Oh, man. I got a pocket knife up under this table. Her mother looked like they kidnapped bitches and eat them. Yeah. When did you start running like that? Basically, right before I turned 30. I just decided I was going to run 100 miler before I turned 30. Was there something that happened?

Was there a breakup or something that made you want to start running? When I was 21, yeah. I broke up with a girlfriend. I realized I couldn't run a 5K. And I was like, oh, I'm like a skater out of shape, skinny, you know? And I started running. And then I just ran my first marathon in a year. And that was it.

Wow. So it really was. It was a breakup. Yeah, yeah. You just started running. I broke up with somebody, and I went to Chick-fil-A. Well, I'm a vegetarian, so that wasn't an option. I don't give a fuck.

I ain't going to run. You're a vegetarian. Yeah. How long has that been? Off and on for like nine years. Wow, so right around the breakup. Yeah, yeah. Just kind of everything changed.

She broke up with you? Yeah, yeah. Why was that? We were dating for years. When she came back from college, we thought we were going to get married, and then we didn't. She started fucking someone else. Yeah, for sure. That's what happened.

That's the answer. That happened a lot. We were going to get married, and we didn't means she was fucking someone else. Do you know who it was? Was he a runner? Yeah, actually, we knew each other. We used to be in a punk band together because I am everything you think I am. Wow. Yeah who it was? Was he a runner? Yeah, actually, we knew each other. We used to be in a punk band together because I am everything you think I am.

Wow. Yeah. What was the name of the band? The Tearing Method. It was bad. It was real bad. Wow, that's what he did to your ex-girlfriend's pussy. Thank you.

Thank you. Yes, that is appropriate, yeah. I knew it was a friend. I knew it. Yeah, yeah. And he was a runner? No, no, he was not. He's fat and overweight, and he's blind in one eye, so I think I'm doing friend. I knew it. Yeah, yeah. And he was a runner? No, no, he was not. He's fat and overweight, and he's blind in one eye,

so I think I'm doing okay. Wow. Wow. That's really strong. And he still took your chick? Yeah, I know, right? Take that, ex-handicapped friend. There we go, you know?

No, he was a runner. He was running off in her pussy while he was... That is true, Mr. He fucked her so hard that he lost an eye? Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. I've never even...

I got lucky. I wasn't that good, you know? Kept both, so... Right, right. So, wow. You let a fat boy take your bitch? He's fat now. At the time, he, I guess, was presentable,

but he's got, like, the skinny guy gut now. How do you know this? Do you follow up on them? Not anymore. Not since I moved from Massachusetts. I haven't seen him. I don't know what he looks like. I assume he's not alive.

How long ago was that move? Seven years ago now. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. And how about her? What's she up to now? Not sure. Not sure.

You sure you're not sure? I started dating another guy, like a decent guy, after I left, but that's all I know. I don't have any recent updates for all of you. How about your love life after that? Did it ever get back on? I'm with my girlfriend now. We've been together for over seven years now. Wow, seven years.

Yeah. You fucking lock it down when you get it, huh? Yeah, yeah. It's good, yeah. What does she do? She's a corporate recruiter for a bank. Whoa. So she does okay.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. You guys live together? Yep. You have any pets? Whoa. So she does okay. Fuck yeah. Yeah. You guys live together? Yep. You have any pets? Yeah. What do you have? Two dogs.

Two dogs. Yeah. No cats. No cats. I hate white people with cats. Yeah. Yeah. No, don't like cats.

I don't dislike cats, but I'm not a cat person. You would hate my household. How many cats do you have, Dwayne Wilcox? Oh, three. Three cats. What are their names? Dagwood, Blondie, and Bisbee. Oh my household. How many cats do you have, Dwayne Wilcox? Oh, three. Three cats? What are their names? Dagwood, Blondie, and Bisbee. Oh my goodness. That's incredible.

Anything else we'd be surprised to know about you or your life story or anything, Andrew? No, that's pretty much it, you know. Your girlfriend here? No, she's not here right now, no. Where's she at? She's at home. But the fat guy with one blind eye is here. Stand up.

That would be incredible. I'd actually be pumped. Heck yeah. Well, Andrew, fun times. Congrats on being out here and being in love. There he goes, Andrew Pupai, everybody. He's on Instagram at TheRunningJoke.

One word. Oh, Miss Pat's going back to the bucket. Oh, yeah, before that, you know what? Here's a little bit more from who sponsored tonight's episode. Hey, I want to tell you about Monday.com, a team management tool that will improve your office workflow. Monday.com makes it easy to track projects and stay productive. Instead of emails, spreadsheets, random files, whiteboards, to-do lists,

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there will be additional savings if you choose to sign up. That's Monday.com slash Kill Tony. And we're back. And Miss Pat has pulled another name out of the bucket, and it is? Councilman Bucky. Ooh, Councilman. That sounds familiar. Maybe Bucci, Councilman Bucky. Ooh, Councilman... That sounds familiar. Maybe Bucci?

Councilman Bucci. Bucci, Gucci. Here he comes. He's coming all the way around. You're going to have to make a right turn there. No, no, no, no, no. Stop. Go that way.

Go that way. There you go. This guy actually is... Didn't he just fly out here today? I think I read on Twitter. Something like that. He is coming from the audience side, so he's one of you. I'll bet you make some noise. First time ever

on this show for sure. It's Councilman Bucci. Bucci. Alright, yes. So my name is Mike Bucci and as Tony mentioned, I am the elected council member from the best kept secret in the Bay Area, Newark, California. Newark's a lot

like the lost city of Atlantis. Nobody knows where the fuck it is. So I was elected in 2014, reelected in 2018, and now it's 2019, and I'm up here doing stand-up comedy. So I think it's fair to say that my political career is just really taking off right now. It shouldn't take you long to figure out I'm not like most politicians are used to seeing, except of course for being an underqualified middle-aged white man. And then I got those skills locked down, put that shit on my resume. It's literally how I got every job I ever fucking got. So I mentioned I was re-elected in 2018. It was the easiest campaign I ever ran.

Right? I won that shit in a landslide. Because nobody ran against me. Right? Yeah. Apparently my biggest competition was just voter apathy. Yes. That's it.

Councilman Bucci. Am I saying that right? Yes. All right. Well, welcome, welcome. It's like Gucci, but with a B. We're the broke Gucci's. We don I saying that right? Yes. All right. Well, welcome, welcome. It's like Gucci, but with a B. We're the broke Gucci's. We don't got that good Gucci money.

Oh, my God. Stop trying to make jokes. So, Councilman, welcome, welcome. You're in the big leagues now. And Red Band was correct. Earlier, you tweeted that you had the day off and you flew here for this show. Is that correct? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. That's amazing that you got pulled day off and you flew here for this show. Is that correct?

Fuck yeah. And yeah, that's amazing that you got pulled out of the bucket. That's so fucking cool. Did we end up paying for that somehow? Like taxpayer money style? Not you, just the good folks in Newark, California. Heck yeah. There you go.

Well, welcome, welcome. Thank you. Congratulations on getting pulled out. This is exciting. Fuck yeah. It is. Hell yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is my, welcome, welcome. Thank you. Congratulations on your school day. This is exciting. Fuck yeah. It is. Hell yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

This is my, about three weeks. This is my third time up. Wow. Started three weeks ago. I, it just through happenstance, I ended up, my first show was at the Punchline in San Francisco and I had to close for 15 minutes. And holy shit, like it wasn't terrible. So here I am. Your first time you did 15 minutes? At the shit, it wasn't terrible, so here I am.

Your first time you did 15 minutes? At the punchline, yes. Why would they let you do that? How did that happen? They thought they were going to close and then they stayed open. Nobody showed up. I'm a councilman, so that's why I have it. That's pulled rank, right?

I ain't going to keep bumping this. Step away from the talent. With a hard, cold shoulder on that. Step away from the talents. With a hard, cold shoulder on that fist bump from the councilman. I know. So tell us, how long have you been on the council of Newark, California? Yeah, five years. I just got reelected, yeah.

Yeah, five years. Tell us about some of your policies or what you've been doing for the city. You know what? Not to bore everybody, but we got the best parks we've ever done. We're kicking ass on our unfunded pension liabilities, so I'm happy to report that all the employees of Newark will have a pension when they retire. Wow. So, yes, I'm happy.

Fuck yeah, on Labor Day, I'm proud to kind of announce that. Thank goodness. We're about to open a skate park this week. You know he ain't doing shit when he's giving up for the parks we created. Just parks, that's it. Skate park. You know what?

We just programmed on a new police station, library, and city hall. We're almost finished with our new skate park. Did you just build this on the Sims? Where is this city? Where is this fucking city?

We're kicking ass right now. We're kicking ass right now. Tell us about your personal life. You married? I am married. She's watching live right now too. She's upset she couldn't make it tonight, but she's here. Yes. She's watching from Newark, California. She is, yes. My goodness.

Wow. 15 years. Wow. What does she do? Old. She's, no. Joel Berg. She works for the water company, stuff like that.

The water company. Yeah, she's pretty badass. Oh, my goodness. This is starting to sound like a game of Monopoly. You have any kids, Councilman? We have a daughter, Kendra. She's going to be five years old this weekend. Kendra?

Yeah. You gave her a porn star name? Oh, Jesus. My goodness. His favorite one. Tony, you're not going to believe this. This is my baby. That's my baby mama's name.

Oh, Kendra. You've obviously met her mom. Get the mic away from your mouth. You know how dirty that is? I'm like a dick in your mouth, sir. Jesus. Yeah. Pull the mic back from your mouth.

This shit been up comedian asses. Well, I saw some of them up here. I saw Andrew up here. For the fun fact, I got one eye, and I would have banged this old lady. You only have one eye? I do only have one eye. What happened to your eye? Let me see.

Which one don't work? This is my good one. This one, it's there, but I can't see it. Your good one look like your bad one. Right? Yeah. It's true. I thought that was the bad one for sure, too.

That motherfucker glowing and shit. 51 states. Believe it or not, this is my good eye. What happened to your eye? I've had eight eye surgeries in the last eight years. And at one point, I actually went blind for four and a half months. In both eyes? Yeah, I had a double retina detachment.

Oh, my God. How did that happen? You know what? They still don't know. Yeah. Do you have thyroid disease? No, they tested me for that. Did you throw up around that time?

No. No? You ever throw up? No, they tested me for that. Did you throw up around that time? No, no. Because I read a story recently where somebody threw up and detached their retina or heard about it or something. No, normally it's like maybe a boxer or some kind of acute injury or something, a car accident even, but I was just sitting there. So why don't you have on glasses? I mean, how good is your vision? Can you see us? So, I mean, I can see you, yeah, because I got, you know, the one good eye and stuff. But if I close the good eye,

then you're just kind of blurry and, you know, still look good, though. What is it? Hey, look at that. Whoa. For the record, I've slept with a few black women, and it's the best. I don't give a fuck.

When you say it's the best, Councilman, why is sleeping with black women better than white women? It's wet longer. Oh, shit. You know, the blacker the bear, the sweeter the juice. I am. I have my theories about it. What are yours, Councilman? Hers.

I share her theories. Yeah. No, you know what? It's just, you know, I'm like the UN of... councilman. Hers. I share her theories. You know what? I'm like the UN of I don't have any I like it all. UN. Is that what the black women asked you when you put your dick inside them?

That's a good one. You smile. That was a good one. You smile. Oh, that was a good one. I know. What are you going to do? I know. But none of you wanted to go along with me on my fucking Breaking Bad. Driver on meth bad at breaking?

No? Still don't get that one? Oh, shit. Anyway. Councilman, what's something that you would say on this show that could get you fired? Neger. Whoa. For the audio listeners, he did a perfect voice.

Yeah, I can't believe you did that Miss Pat impression like that, Councilman. It was mind-boggling. It sounded just like her. Well, congratulations on everything, Councilman. Can your eye come out? No, he can't pull his eyeball out. My friend's eye comes

out. That's got to be a glass eye. I don't think they pull out their normal eyeball. No, no, no. Right? I was talking about the one that was going out. No, it's, you know what? It's still healthy enough to stay in, but I can't really see it. You know what? It's Miss Pat.

Pull out your fucking eyeball, dude. Councilman, this is, you know, I think that's so fucking awesome. I actually, you know, I saw that tweet earlier. I made it part of my tweet today about the show because I thought it was so fucking cool. And it just goes to show how one of the things that I love about this is it's random fucking it really is a bucket of destiny and you deciding to come

here today jumping on a Southwest flight from Northern California coming here signing up getting up just goes to show how fucking random and crazy this show is so thank you there he is thank you guys thank you. There he is. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Bucci!

So, we're going to do something special here while we're talking about the magic of Kill Tony. One of the crazy things about this show is when we do road episodes every once in a while, I think only maybe five times ever in the history of the show, there has been the winner of something called the golden ticket,

which is when somebody has such a great set and such a great interview, and we find them to be completely undeniably charismatic and interesting, they win a golden ticket. And that means that any time they come to the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, they can get on an actual episode at the actual Comedy Store. And you're about to see one of those people right now. This guy made his first appearance and only appearance on the show in Portland, Oregon at the sold-out Aladdin Theater. We absolutely fell in love with him.

This is his first time at the Comedy Store. I present to you Todd Royce, everybody. Here he is! Come on, make some noise for Todd, everyone. So I am from the Pacific Northwest, which might explain why I kind of look like if Kurt Cobain liked putting

donuts in his mouth instead of bullets. I went to the doctor last week. My doctor told me that I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I'm pre-diabetic. I'm paraphrasing. He actually used the words not surprisingly before each one of those things. He prescribed a bunch of pills that I'm going to have to take from now on. And I never really wanted to take a lot of pills. And I said, is there anything else I can do? And he said, no, you're going to take those for the rest of your life.

And I said, well, what if I lose weight? And he said, oh, yeah, then you can stop taking the pills. My doctor has no faith in my ability to lose weight. Dropping the pounds wasn't even on the table. He just took one look at me and said, nope, pills till death. There is no faith in my ability to lose weight. Dropping the pounds wasn't even on the table. He just took one look at me and said, nope, pills till death. The first time I met Tony, actually,

it's kind of interesting because he, okay. What was that? Todd Royce, everybody. Welcome, man. Golden ticket winner. Absolutely decimated in Portland. Another hilarious set.

A whole different minute. Welcome back. This is your first time at the Comedy Store, correct? First time ever at the Comedy Store. This is amazing. Yeah, welcome, welcome. This is very exciting. You flew today, too, huh?

Yep, flew in this morning. Wow, that's so cool. From Portland? From Seattle. Oh, okay. This is very exciting. You flew today too, huh? Yep, flew in this morning. Wow, that's so cool. From Portland? From Seattle. Oh, okay. Wow. Fuck yeah. How's life been, man?

It's been awesome. We just did a, my wife and I just went on a big trip down to, or over to England. Every trip you take is a big trip. That's true. Wow, you went to England? Wow, all the way to England. All the way to England. That's a long trip. Do you buy the two seats? No, just the way to England. All the way to England. That's a long trip.

Do you buy the two seats? No, just one. God, I feel so bad for the people next to you. Which airline? Alaska. It was his wife. Yeah, it was my wife. So yeah, you should feel sorry for her.

She said to see this naked. Is she a bigger lady too? What's that? She's a big lady too? Not really. No? I mean, not compared to you. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

What's your guy's name? I got a Buick that I don't consider to be big next to me. How long have you been with her? 12 years. 12 years. What's your guys' sleeping situation? It's comfortable for me. I don't know, but she's got to... Dangerous for her.

Every sexual position for her is underneath. I love men like this because they got titties and you can suck them. Hey, hell yeah. And I don't know if you ever sucked a fat man dick, but when you pull his stomach back, it's real hot down there. Oh, shit.

Just don't do it with eyelashes. It'll make your eyelashes fall off. Yeah, oh my god. Sucking his dick is like sucking a blowtorch. Oh, my goodness. I can't even imagine. If I'm ever single again, I'm going to use that as a pickup line. I'm going to suck this.

He got hot dicks, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. And his nuts, they get heated real so bad that they just go up his asshole. So you got to stick your finger up his ass to bring his nuts down. Wow. Is this true? It's 100% true. Oh, my goodness.

That is incredible. This is like I'm learning a lot. She found that out last night. No, the fuck I didn't. You just said you were in Seattle last night. Heck, yeah. I only can do you after October. It's too hot to be fucking out at right now.

After October, what are you trying to get? Is Halloween candy? I love it. So Todd, what else has been happening, man? What's going on in life? I'm still wrestling.

I started. I had a match on Saturday night. That's right. For those of you that maybe didn't listen to the Portland episode, he is a professional wrestler. Ain't no fucking way. Yep. Yes, he is.

I wrestle. Who? Bears? Very unfortunate man. Is you sumo No it's not sumo You're not WWF This is not WWF

No it's not It's definitely not WWF Unless you're talking about the World Wildlife Fund In which case In which case it's definitely the WWF This is a real pro wrestler How long you been doing it for 18 years it's definitely the WWF. This is a real pro wrestler. How long you been doing it for?

18 years. Wow. He's like The Rock if he only had Rocky Road. So, do you wrestle for Cracker Barrel or some shit? I'll wrestle for any food they give me.

Wow. It's the Nacho Man, Randy Savage. Oh, you guys like that. Is your wife here with you? She's not, no. Oh, if anybody want to fuck him tonight, the way you fuck him is you got to kick him in the stomach.

His dick pop out like a cash rush. Ching-ching dust and everything just come out that motherfucker. My goodness. So how did the wrestling match Saturday go for for you did you come out with the w no no they cheated oh they cheated no they didn't actually but i'm gonna say they did when i lose it's it's predetermined when i win it's perfectly on the level right right tony i have a question yeah You ever put someone through a table? Yeah. Do you think you could do that to me tonight?

Wait, what? I happen to have a table here. Wait, what? All right. Whoa. I guess this was a... Okay. I guess this was something that the band came up with on the...

Okay. That's not a table. Oh, my God. This is a horrible idea. Yeah, this is not a good idea. Is there a waiver that I can sign before this happens? No, you good. Just kill the ass. I wouldn't really worry about it.

This is beautiful. No, it has to be even, David Deary. David wants Joel to die so that he can play drums next week. I wouldn't really worry about it. This is beautiful. No, it has to be even, David Deary. David wants Joel to die so that he can play drums next week. Okay. So you guys thought of this, and this is how you thought you were going to do it. And, okay, that's. That shit's going to fly and hit the people in the front row, though.

All right. You know it's scary when Red Band's being the voice of reason. Yeah. This is frightening. Wait, what? What do you think's about to happen here, Joel? How did you picture this going? Joel just kissed him and I said, tell my family I love them.

Yeah. Everyone in the front row is holding up chairs to block their faces. I'm sure this will end up okay. Joel, have you thought about landing? Nope. Okay. Here we go. This is...

Hey, what can I say? Yeah! Okay. Fuck yeah! That could have gone one of two ways. I think we all got lucky here. I want you to take off your shirt now. Way better than I thought.

No, you don't. I'll tell you this. How about a hand for Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez? He fucking... No better way to get a crowd hot than by putting a guy through a table. How do you feel right now, Todd? That's the first time I've seen that happen in this historical room. I'm telling you. That's amazing.

Good job, Joel. Hell yeah. That was for all the doubters. Hey, I love it. You can always tell everybody that you got put through a piece of quarter-inch plywood. Okay, before it happened, everyone was worried.

Then after it goes well, it was a quarter-inch plywood. Oh! We were worried. Turn the lights back on, damn it. I love it, man. Is everyone okay? We were worried.

It was more the hitting the head on this stage that I was worried about. Fuck it, dude. I love it. Wow. So, Todd, that was fucking awesome. Fun say. Anything else for Todd, anybody? I was hoping he fell on top of the guy he threw.

Get another table. Oh, look at that. Me too. The only way Todd would have jumped on him is if he was going through a kitchen table. I love it. What's your favorite food, Todd? Everything. Yeah, pretty much.

I'm big into donuts. Really? Is that true? Yeah, that's not a good answer, but yeah. Do you like the Krispy Kreme when the light is on? Yeah. Why were you in town? Did you answer that? I just came for this.

Just came for this. Amazing. So cool. I want to take advantage of the golden ticket. So I'm flying in today. I'm flying out first thing tomorrow morning. And I'm going to try to do that every couple of months. Hey, I fucking love it, and we love you, and maybe next time we'll have a bigger table for you to put someone through.

I like it. Something like that. How about that? Todd Royce, everybody. Thank you, guys. Two for two all-time Kill Tony appearances. If you haven't listened to the Live from Portland episode of Kill Tony, I highly recommend checking that out.

Todd absolutely destroys in front of an incredible, packed Aladdin theater. We had a lot of fun on that episode. One of my favorites ever. Let's just keep this fun train moving along. We have a regular on this show, as a lot of you

may know. He's either love him or hate him type of character. I absolutely love him. I think he's a machine. He rolls with everything. He has a very defined, distinct style of stand-up comedy. I love watching him do a brand new minute every

single week. So let's see what it is this week. I present to you the great William Montgomery. Here he is, live in the flesh, the one, the only, bright red beard. Here he is, William Montgomery. I'd like to give a brief moment of silence to Milli Vanilli's Rob Anderson. He tragically died on this day, Labor Day. It's a dark time for me.

I recently got fired from QVC, something about they were pretty sure I was addicted to heroin and lived in a tree. I'm going to be passing out my DJ cards later. My DJ name is Rob Anderson's Milli Vanilli Experience, colon, featuring William Montgomery, comma, he's not that sick, period. So I've been having a bunch of cat parties recently. I take acid and round up all the neighborhood cats up into my apartment. Just looking at them, wondering who they are. I'd like to give you maybe a little cut scene of that.

Are you going to do the... Is there more to that? Oh, hello, sir. Are you a cat do the... Is there more to that? Oh, hello, sir. Are you a cat? How many years? A day? That's what you're like at the cat party? Cat party.

There he is, the look of approval. He's absorbing Miss Pat's energy, trying to get a read on her. I'm excited to see Miss Pat. We were in Ashley Simpson's first music video. What was that, 20 years ago? Fuck you. Oh my goodness.

I started to believe that motherfucker. I was like, what? It was 20 years ago. We met for the first time. I was like, hey, my name is William. She was like, hey, my name is Miss Pat. She was like, what? It was 20 years ago we met for the first time. I was like, hey, my name is William. She was like, hey, my name is Miss Pat. And she was like, fuck you. Quit. Wow. William

Montgomery, we've seen your Jedi mind tricks work on a great many comedians, but I don't think you got Miss Pat there. No, he don't. I don't even like gingers. They burn too easy. I don't fuck like gingers. They burn too easy. I don't fuck with y'all. Is that true?

Weirdly enough, yeah, two weeks ago I was at a campfire with some buddies, and I got a little too close, and I... I'm talking about the sun. Yeah. Oh, whoa, whoa. Sunburn. You got sunburn from a campfire? I did.

It was really bad. I think I have a carcinoma. Wow. How true is this cat party thing? Everyone knows you're a very honest comedian. How many times have you had a cat party before? It has been literally the past two months. It's been five times.

Normally on Tuesdays, I literally just take some squirts of this acid. I literally go out in the neighborhood, just see the cats, round them up. How do you round up the cats? What do you do? Can you give us an example of what that's like? I have a net. What? Similar to a fishing net.

I just trap them in the net. I'm sweating really bad. You ever bust a net? I'm tripping on the net. I'm sweating really bad. I'm vomiting. I'm tripping on the sidewalk. But I get probably 10 to 15 during the cat parties. That's a lot of cats to catch in a net.

Has anybody ever seen you do it? Yeah, my neighbor, a really nice man, Ralph Martinez. What did Ralph say when he saw you? He was like, William, why do you have all those cats? William, why are your pupils so huge? William, why are you sweating? William, where are your clothes? William, where's your net? Why don't you have

your net? William, what's in that bag? William, what are those cats? William, what's going on? And I'm just like, Ralph, relax. Wow. Come to the party at 8. My goodness. What the fuck are you guys eating, cats? What are we eating? Have you ever heard of easy cheese?

It's the cheese you squirt out of a bottle. We eat that with Ritz crackers. We have Captain's wafers. We have all kinds of crack. You in the crack? You giving the cats crack? That's a black person drug. You giving the cats crack?

How much crack have you been giving the cats, William? Two weeks ago, there was this very sweet cat. Stop telling jokes and talk to us, god damn it. You can't stop. Turn your ass jokes and talk to us, god damn it. You can't stop. Turn your ass around and talk to us, you weird ass ginger. Turn around. I'm just so happy when I was tripping.

Have any of the cats ever misbehaved with you or done anything out of line? Yeah, there's this one uh edward francis he's a really nice guy he's from memphis tennessee we went to high school together wait you went to high school with a cat yes he was really smart he had an eye patch um really sweet guy he was armenian um wait it's an armenian cat a mania. And I'll be honest, keep that song playing, please. Y'all just remember, just when I die, I currently have hypertension. I currently eat Luden's cough drops too much. But I promise y'all this, during my funeral, as this is playing, Cat Stevens, father and son,

I just pray to God that one cat, Edward Francis, just sees me in that coffin and starts crying. Wait a second. Why would the Armenian cat that you went to high school with be at your funeral and start crying? Because we got along a lot. We started playing board games. And how would he see you at your funeral?

You're planning on having an open casket funeral? How would he get there? How would he get there? He would get in his... All right. Anything else exciting happening? Can you do that one more time, Redman? Oh, look at this.

Whoa. oh look at this we've heard rumors of William having sexual relations lately and I think it's really showing look at this wow Gowny Gowny hit another step

what'd you just fucking say wait whoa William what happened I'm having fun Go to hit another step, boy, go. What'd you just fucking say? Wait, whoa. William, what happened? I'm having fun. You better get this crazy ass crackle. William, I've never seen you have any rhythm like that before. Is it only to that song? It is.

Is this like Weekend at Bernie's, only that one song makes you move like that? Wow. Oh my goodness. I feel like with moves like that, you could win a dance competition. Redman, keep playing it! Turn the lights down! William, no.

All right. All right. Wait, what was that? What was that move? Okay, play it some more. What was that? All right, all right, all right. Okay.

I was going to dance with you, but I think you're crazy. Jesus Christ, where you get these people from? I didn't learn how to spell in the third grade so yeah there are certain people that say I'm crazy I end up working at a Kmart for five years I didn't know how to read the

wow William are you married no I'm not no why is that funny is there a licensed gun owner here I can hang out with well William you did it again another fun new minute another fun appearance

thank you so much the great William Montgomery there he goes The great William Montgomery. There he goes. The great William Montgomery. Where'd Jeremiah go? We lost Dwayne Wilcox. He had to go take a pee.

Oh, okay. CP. You guys think we should go to this bucket one more time, huh? All right. Then I guess we will. Your final comedian performing tonight goes by the name of Kelsey Lane. Kelsey Lane. Here we go.

Hey girl, finally! Kelsey Lane. We know her. Yep. Been on the show many times. One more time for Kelsey, everybody. Hey. What's up? So I went to the sex shop this week, you know,

to shop for cock, to adopt a dick, if you will, and the dick that I rescued... Oh, my God, it's so cute. It, uh, suctions onto a wall. Because that's just, like, the first thing I think when I see a wall. I'm like, what is that? What is that?

Concrete? Concrete will make you cum. But brick? Brick will make you cum. But brick? Brick will make love to you. I like to say, like, when you move to a new place, like, oh, you should just, like, fuck in every room. No. I just fuck every room.

Cheating on my bedroom with my bathroom right now. Needless to say, is trump ever builds it kelsey lane everybody been on this show quite a few times been a long time kelsey welcome back that was fun talking about buying a dildo because you are a lesbian. Sure. Close enough. Buy. Yeah. Right. Wait a minute. Yeah.

She's a lesbian, but she's buying dick. Yeah. Yeah, you got to get it. It's always surprising. You get to just pick it out though, right? I feel like if it was an authentic dick experience, it should just be like a plain box, right? Then you take it home and you don't know what you have

until you open it in the bedroom. Could be small, could be big, could be black, could be white. It's like a mood ring. As soon as you put it on, you don't know how big it is. It's just based on how much confidence you have. No, not so much that. No.

Thinking more along the surprise Surprise factor Or something like that Do you really have A suction cup dick Yeah Wow How big is it

I had one of those One time Somebody gave it to me At a sex party That you can stick On the refrigerator And fuck you While you're drinking

Your own juice Oh shit I've got a suction cup Spatula just like it Yeah Wow My goodness So let me ask you something Do you do all types of Oh, shit. I've got a suction cup spatula just like it. Yeah. My goodness. So let me ask you something. Do you do all types of, because my daughter is gay,

and I went over her house one time, and one thing I realized about you lesbians, you bitches are weird. Like, she keep her, my daughter keep her dicks in the dishwasher. Do you do that? Oh, shit. No, that's where I keep dishes. Oh, oh. Looks like that's where I keep dishes.

Looks like we're using paper plates at that barbecue. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, my goodness. So, no dishwasher. How do you clean it? With cleaner? Okay, what kind of cleaner? You buy it.

It's dildo cleaner? That's what the mouth is for, right? No, no, no. That's what your mouth is for. All right. Give me your dildos. Where are they? There it is.

Bring them over. They have a special dildo cleaner? Yeah. You get that at a sex store? Yeah. What's it called? I don't know. Rubbing alcohol?

I don't know. Dick be clean. Dildo cleaner. Dildo cleaner. All right. And I like that question. What's the size and color of the dildo that you settled for? It's like seven,

seven and a half, something like that. Seven and a half inches? Yeah. So it's a little too small for you. Exactly. I have a huge pussy. What color is it? It's brown. Brown? Whoa, look out.

This guy. All right. Do you ever suck it? Do I ever suck it? Yeah, answer the question. Do you suck your dildo dick? No, do you? Bitch, I ain't never used no dildo.

No deal. I've been getting fucked since the sixth grade. This is all dick for me, real dick. No, do you? Bitch, I ain't never used no dildo. No dildo. I've been getting fucked since the sixth grade. This is all dick for me, real dick. If you and I get together, you can suck it. Yes. So let me ask you something. With the dildo, the stick-up dildo, do you fuck yourself from the back? Sure, yeah.

What do you stick it on? You can stick it on anything. Any walls. You say anything like you fucking do it to your plumbing or something like that. Windshield. By the way, this sounds like the infomercial for the product. You can stick

it on anything. Do your dildo have balls? No. What? Just a suction. Why would you... They come with balls. Yeah, because that's what wants to fall all the way in there. You can get it lost in there. Dildos come with balls? Yeah, they come with balls. So when you bounce on them, your ass

don't hit the fucking seat. Oh, now we're talking physics, and I like this. How long have you been in... Gay. Yeah, how long have you been Hooking up with women I mean Technically high school I guess Just a ballpark

Or as you guys call it A softball field Breaking bad No So just a few years or something How many dildos do you have Four So just a few years or something? Yeah. How many dildos do you have?

Four. Wow, what was that noise? How many of them are brown? How many of them are brown? Two. You ever use two at once? Two out of four. No.

What do you mean no? Do you have any white dicks? Yeah. You don't. Do you now? No. No. Do you ever use it in one position too much and you have to roll it over like a hot dog on the grill? Oh, my God.

So there's not burn marks? That's a real dad in a barbecue joke. That's a good one. I'm glad your arms are so long. You really reached for that one. I thought it was pretty good for 90 minutes into a show. Yeah, it was. I agree.

Have you ever broken a dildo? No. My girlfriend broke one. She fell asleep with it on in her vagina. And she woke up. It was fucking broke. Oh, my God. Those things.

How big is your girlfriend's vagina? Where she can put it in an attic like storage and forget about it and be like, oh yeah, okay, here we go. That's another part of the infomercial. Set it and forget it. Fuck it and then fuck it. Take it and then break it.

Stick it and hit it, I guess. All right. So, Kelsey, you currently have a girlfriend, someone that you're going steady with? Yeah, I do. Yeah? What do you guys like to do for fun? Fuck.

Do you ever scissor? Yeah. That's an actual thing. So you each balance it out and you slap your pussies together. Yes. Yeah, you just kind of like mush them around. I'm going to check in with Dwayne Wilcox. Now, I've always been curious about this as a dad.

When two lesbians take their own dildos, do you ever reenact the movie Star Wars and just do lightsabers with your dildos? Okie dokie. You don't have to answer that. Let's check in with Miss Pat. I have a question. So you said you sizzle. That's when two small bitches rub together, right? Hey, hey, hey. They can be big.

So what would you do if your partner was fat like me and you couldn't sizzle the vagina and just rub up against the stomach? Hey, hey. I fucked fat bitches. Come on. Get out. I'm asking you, how do they sizzle? I hey, I fucked bad bitches. Come on. Get out. I'm asking you, how do they scissor? You just do.

I mean, I think it's not as mathematical as you think. It's not really like scissoring. You just kind of like, you get yourself in a good position. Oh, you fold her stomach back. Yeah. Sometimes you share a dildo, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to fold.

Yeah, you do the same thing the real man do. Okay, okay. I thought it was something different. It's tough doing it with a big black womanildo, right? Yeah, you do the same thing the real man do. Okay, okay, I thought it was something different. It's tough doing it with a big black woman, though, right? It's the old, the sizzle with a lizzo. Okie dokie. That was a good one. Sizzle with a lizzo.

What else, Kelsey? What else has changed since the last time we saw you? Anything else fun or interesting in life? Any hobbies that you've been doing? You seem like you'd be more on the alpha lesbian side. You're the girl that you hook up with more, the girly girl. I think we both are pretty balanced.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you're like a butch, but I still think that you'd be more the dominating one, one could say. Who uses the scrap bone? We both do. What? Yeah. Both of y'all got dicks?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean that basically makes you two gay men. When you guys put on your dildos, do you ever pretend like you make more money at your jobs? Let's get out of here. That's Kill Tony with Miss Pat. Kelsey Lane, everybody.

She's on social media at I Am Kelsey Lane. Check out Miss Pat's podcast, The Pat Down with Miss Pat. She has dates coming up in Cincy, Kansas City, Des Moines, Boston, and more. Go to MissPatComedy.com for tickets. She's here taping a pilot. Keep an eye out for her new show on Hulu, The Miss Pat Show. Make some noise for Miss Pat, everybody.

Look at this incredible drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt. This is a fucking work of art. I mean, this guy is out of control. He's on a whole new level. Check out his prints at ryanjebelt.com. Ryan, that is fucking beautiful. Amazing work. How about a hand for the band, everybody?

They have a new calendar coming out. It's a big deal. It's already out, actually. Jeremiah, stand up on social media. Jeremiah Watkins on YouTube. What else, Jeremiah? Yeah, new episode of Jeremiah Wonders out with Mikey McKernan, Boo Ha Ha, Right Now, and

Omar Nava. And then check out, yeah, the Kill Tony Band calendar. And there's Bison t-shirts and Jeremiah Wonders shirts at jeremiahwatkins.com. How about a hand for Larry Chroma Chris on guitar, everyone, huh? Chroma, what'd you think about tonight's episode? It was well done, Tony.

Well done, indeed. And how about one more time for Phil Dempsey, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez? He went through a table for the first time in the show's history. He's at Mostly Sorry on social media. What else, Joel? Shout out to Ludwig. I love you guys. Peace.

That's right. Ludwig's very own Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. We're going to Australia, San Francisco, Sacramento, D.C., La Jolla. We're making our return to so many fun things. If you live in West Palm Beach or whatever, stay tuned tomorrow to see if I'm going to be there this weekend. Shout out to Todd Royce, William Montgomery. So much fun. Live audience, thank you so much for coming out.

We love you guys. Red Band. Thanks, guys. Have a good night, everybody. We're just going to take a picture. The guy who's going to line up behind us. We're going to take a picture right here. It's going to be right there.

All right, we're going to do it right there. The guy on the right.