KILL TONY - KILL TONY #393 - LA JOLLA #2

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

William Montgomery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 09/22/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode. But if you click on Tour Dates, you can see where we're at next. October 3rd, we're inallas texas but it's sold out so we added a new show october 5th we are in now dallas texas also october 16th and 17th we're in sacramento california and then we have kill tony mania october 18th and 19th in san francisco california october 25th we're in australia brisbane october 26th we're in Australia, Brisbane. October 26th, we're in Melbourne, Australia.

October 27th, Sydney, Australia. And then November 7th, we are in Washington, D.C. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There he has his tour dates for his stand-up comedy and a bunch of other stuff. So check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. And Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. His book is now available for pre-order.

It has every single episode he's ever drawn in one huge book. Check out RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.TV. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. Get some Death Squad hats, mugs, shirts, and even some Kill Tony stuff. Go to shopsquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode

of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the H Jolla Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for Tony Hatchclap. La Jolla, come on. Let these listeners know what the fuck is going on here.

Sweet, sweet Southern California. The great Brian Red Band's here, everybody. It's Kill Tony Late Night. La Jolla. The Late Show. How exciting is this? Fuck yes. We just had an absolute blast in that first show.

These shows on the road are so much fun. How many of you guys were at the first show? Unbelievable. These other people aren't Unbelievable. Other fans can't even get tickets. These loyal fans sold these tickets so quickly on this last minute announced fucking

show here in La Jolla. Hey, look at that. It's Ryan J. E. Belt, everybody. Yeah. He draws every single episode of the show. All of his prints are available at ryanjebelt.com, including the brand new Kill Tony the book featuring every drawing of every episode of the show, including all the road posters. And he brought a lot of the amazing posters with him here tonight, and those are available

to be for sale after the show. We'll sign them. We'll take a picture with you with them if you get one, whatever. All that fun stuff afterwards. There's also Kill Tony pins, Tony Hinchcliffe pins, and other fun stuff. A lot of Jeremiah stuff as well. Shout out to Don Carlos,

the best goddamn burrito. I mean, serious. You guys are very lucky. A fun thing I didn't know when I moved here from Ohio over 12, 13 years ago was that there's a thing called the California Burrito. And it is a god damn

anomaly. Coming from the middle of the country not knowing about this, you know, I just didn't think it was real. And that first bite, there's french fries in a fucking steak burrito. It's literally everything you would ever need for the rest of your

life. They should put some mayonnaise in that shit, right? Red band, already? Really? Trash can. What? Who puts mayonnaise in things like that?

You're out of control. Come on. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, who puts mayonnaise in things like that? You're out of control. Come on, it's California. This is just the tip of the iceberg. We're at the beginning of the episode. You're already in full red band. Who puts mayonnaise in a California burrito? So un-American.

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This is the first place we ever went on the road, I do believe. Fun fact about the first show we ever did on the road, I do believe. Fun fact about the first show we ever did on the road, I believe it was here, and I believe one of the guys on the panel went by the name of Jeremiah Watkins. Yeah, he wasn't even in the band. How cool is that? He was a little baby boy back then. And now he's the leader of a band, ladies

and gentlemen. How many of you are fans of this show? How many of you are fans of the band on this show. How many of you are fans of the band on this show? And you guys know every single episode they commit to being different characters. If you weren't at the first show, they were high school coaches. I've seen those characters before. They're legends. We never know what they're going to be. They were getting ready in the manager's office. We have this room over here. So we're all going to find out what they are together.

I present to you one of my favorite things in all of comedy, the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Chroma Chris, and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Let's see what they are tonight. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

They are Rastafarians. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. How exciting is this? Yeah, we got some stoner Rastafarians here. Aren't you just Osiris from the show? I'm Skeeter from the island.

Oh, wow. One of the legendary. Catalina Island. Brr, brr. Rope on a snake. Wow, Skeeter. Oh, my goodness. You have a whole different drum back here.

Let's check in with what's next to you, Skeeter. What do we got over here? Is this... My goodness. This is what would have happened if Ted Danson made a baby with Whoopi Goldberg when they hooked up. This is what it would have looked like.

The name's Rock-O-Mon. All right, Rock-O-Man. Little known fact, that's verbatim what you said about him last time he came out. Did I really? Verbatim, word for word, look it up for you Kiotoni fans out there. That's a funny one because I was really proud of myself for thinking of that just then.

I really said that? Verbatim, brah brah. That's so funny. Wow. We literally just heard it in the backstage area right now. That's great. And clearly back here we have Troy Polamalu's little sister. Yo, that is a new one and I like it. Brah, brah.

Yeah, what's your story? You have very movable hair. I noticed that when you tug on one strand... You know, Bruce Lee said to be like water. You got to keep it moving. My name's actually Ethan. I live on the Tijuana-San Diego border. Welcome, Ethan.

I have a VW van. Ethan, Rocco, and Skeeter, no better place. Where do you guys stay? In Pacific Beach? Blah, blah. I love it. So we got the band. We have Red Band and Sound Effects. And look at this, everybody. It's a real

life La Jolla Bucket of Destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, the real deal. Bunch of people signed up for this show. You know how it works. If I pull your name out, you get 60 seconds. You know your time is up. I literally just found a pen in my dreadlocks. Unplanned.

If you get pulled out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry Hillcrest Bear. There you go. And then we interview you, talk with you a bit, find out more about you. You guys ready to start this thing or what? It's Kill Tony live from La Jolla.

Show number two. The Late Show. Anything can happen, and I promise you, anything can happen. Put your hands together for your first comedian, Remy Perez. Stairs are all this way. Here we go.

One more time for Remy Perez, everyone. What up, everyone? Hello. Let's just start off with the obvious. No, my voice does not match my body. That's fucking up a lot of black guy algorithm right now. Man, I dated a chick who, she confessed to me that she thought not only did my voice sound cartoony,

but she had a fear that that was going to translate into the bedroom. Like, I was going to have sex like a cartoon. Like, I was going to be there going, ha ha ha ha ha ha! I wish I had, like, a deep and raspy voice. You know? You hear a voice like that

and you go, man, that dude is so manly. I bet you he only pees standing up. You hear my voice and you go, this, that dude is so manly. I bet you he only pees standing up. You hear my voice and you go, this dude pees laying down. And that's all I got. There you go. Remy Perez, everybody. There it is. Welcome, Remy. How are you? I'm great. I'm great. Finally got up. I've been out here since 5. Oh, you were here since 5 p.m.? Yeah, I was the first person you guys passed by. Oh, that was you.

I thought you were just some straggler. I didn't realize you were here for the show. You didn't go to the first show? I was here. Oh, okay. But you got pulled out of the bucket. Yes, now. Have you tried on other Kill Tonys?

How long have you been doing stand-up? This is going to be year four coming up. Year four? Year four. Heck yeah. There you go. All here in San Diego? A little bit up in Washington,

about nine months up in Washington, but not seriously, like once a week kind of a thing. Yeah. Skeeter, what are your thoughts on this guy? Yeah, upon first look, I thought he was modeling

in a commercial for FUBU. But then he opened his mouth. I was like, oh, Old Navy. That's good. So tell us more about you, Remy. Like, what have you been doing? What do you do? I'm an electrician by day.

Past experience. Shocking. I've used that joke on past shows. It always works. Prior Navy. Homeschooled for about six years. Wow. Who homeschooled you?

My mom. Wow. Did shechooled you? My mom. Wow. Did she focus on any specific studies or anything like that? No, she was doing home daycare at the time, so it was just like a lot of neglect and me cheating out of the answer keys. Wow. That's incredible. That's awesome.

It's tough there on the streets, you know what I'm saying? You gotta survive. Right. You close with your dad? Yes. Yeah? What's his story? What does he do? Like I said, Old Navy. Brr-brr! He works security, but he's prior Navy as well.

Right. Right. Yeah. That's fun. Are you guys in the same type of like... What part of the Navy were you? Like, what'd you do? He was in Aviation Ordinance. He was in the Old Navy. How, what part of the Navy were you? Like, what'd you do? He was in aviation ordinance. He was in the old Navy. How many times do I have to tell you? Yeah. I got that part, but like, what specifically were you guys doing in the Navy?

He was in aviation and you? Electrician. Oh, that's what you did there too. Oh, okay. I get it. What's your love life like, Remy? You seem like the type of guy that would fucking... Single on purpose.

Oh. Trying to do the comedy more, you know, spending less cash on the ladies. That's what it takes, huh? Cash? How much do you typically spend taking a girl out? I mean, the least amount I spent is 20. The most was like 100 plus. Wow.

Oh, hey, what's that? What did you spend 100 on? What was that for? She told me she could eat eight sushi rolls. Oh, you fell for that trick? That's so funny. She's depending on you for two days of food. That's what we call a slut bear.

Or homeless. They go, they slut around, they get their big meal in. Oh yeah, well I'll bet you I could fucking eat eight sushi rolls right now. They don't tell you that that's what they do. That's their specialty, dude. That's what Kobayashi does before a big hot dog eating contest.

Has other men pay for his sushi rolls. Did she eat the eight sushi rolls? No. They started bringing the rolls out, and she's like, oh, I thought these were two pieces a roll. And just instantly turned off. She's so poor. She's used to peasant shit. Two rolls. That's not a fucking roll. That's so poor. She's used to peasant shit. Two rolls.

That's not a fucking roll. That's a serving. So let me ask you this. You said that there was a bet about this. What was the bet? What were you going to get, or what did she get? Oh, I didn't say the bet. I think somebody else did.

Oh, I thought you said. I bet you can't. I thought you said she said. No, she said I can eat eight sushi rolls. Oh, okay. I was like a sushi roll. Oh, okay. I was like, well, that's your style. That's cool. So what is your ethnicity?

I'm Puerto Rican and Haitian. Anybody? A lot of white out here. Yeah, those people are lying. What are you clapping for? What are you? What are you? This is my whole thing.

What are you? What are you? Puerto Rican. Oh. And who was the other person that clapped over there? What are you? Who was the other person that clapped over there? What are you? Puerto Rican. Prove it. Let me see your knives.

Is that a rattlesnake? Our friend Louis J. Gomez, they call him the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. When we hear Puerto Rican, we think snake. Only because of Louis, though, not because you guys are... Anyway,

Remy, is there anything else crazy we should know about you? I feel like you're holding on to secrets, like you have special talents, like you seem like you're one of those guys that can keep a ball up, but not move it too much, like one of those guys. Kinetic juggling.

Spinning type of thing. Talents? Not not move it too much, like one of those guys. Kinetic juggling. Spinning type of thing. Talents? Not talent. I sweat a lot. Is that a talent? A lot. He is black. Sweating doesn't really translate on podcasts that well.

I change Old Navy to Gatorade commercial. Do you take medicine for your sweating? Do you have that kind of shit? I kind of freak out with that kind of stuff because it's like, if I stop sweating here, where else is it going to come out of? What the fuck? You usually pee it out, like most people.

You're really sticking that out as a special thing about you? Do you sweat a lot? I have the sickle cell trait, so I drink a lot of water. So it's just water going in, water going out. Maybe you've got some cotton in your dick hole or something. How do you have the sickle cell? Is that from the Haitian side?

Wow, that's incredible. Malaria-free. My goodness. That's just one of those things a guy like me never has to even think about. Well, Remy, did you have fun up here? I had fun. I love it. You got the show started for us.

You're a sweet man. I'm going to let you go get some fresh air. This guy's soaking wet. He's covered in sweat. He looks like he just did Kill Tony in the water park. You go swimming a lot, skater? You a fan of the water?

Love the water. Yeah, what do you like to do out there? Swim laps. You do laps? Yeah, butterfly stroke, breast stroke, back stroke. Brrrah! Wow.

What's going on back here? It's hot back here. Wow. It's a hot room tonight. Beautiful Southern California. I had a lovely drive down here. It's always a pleasure to be here with you guys. Love it.

Something only people that have made that drive from L.A. to here could even understand guys. Love it. Something only people that have made that drive from LA to here could even understand or fathom. Right now there's someone in Buffalo like, yeah, I bet it's real awesome, you libtards. But no, it really is. Every time I see those nuclear tits, like the nuclear reactors,

I fucking love that shit. It's never going to get old. I don't know have any car accidents that are right around that. Alright. Pull the name out of the bucket. He's got the name of a relief pitcher. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Tim Hill.

Tim Hill. Nuclear tits when Red Band sees him He's driving ghost to shit Yeah, come on. Give him a hand for Tim Hill, everybody. Hey, everybody. So this is me. I'm Tim.

This is what I look like. I look like I skateboard. I don't skateboard. People ask me if I skateboard all the time. When I tell them I don't skateboard, they me if I skateboard all the time When I tell them I don't skateboard They get like pretty mad It's weird like I'm stealing valor or something Like they're like hey man do you skate I'm like no

They're like Thought you skated bro Like what was gonna happen if I skated? Were we gonna exchange numbers and break our ankles later? What was gonna happen? But, like, I know it's, like, because of what I look like. I put off that vibe that I'm okay with, like, most general illegal activity, and that's fine. I'm okay with that.

I just feel like cops should try a little harder to look more like me. Because right now, cops try so hard to look like cops. Meanwhile, crime walks up to me while I'm minding my own business. Wow. There you go. Are we good, Tim? Boom.

Hello, Tim. How are you, man? Good, how are you? Good. You've been on this show before, right? Yeah, last one. You can stand right in front of that mic. Wonderful.

Face them out there. We all want to see you. That was awesome, man. Yeah, you had a great set last time you were on the show, right? Yeah, it was good. Very fun. How long have you been on stand-up again? Close to four years, yeah. Four years. Very good. You ever come to L.A.? Yeah.

I go there sometimes. I don't usually, I've never gotten up at the store. Tried a couple times. Usually just mics up there. I don't usually go up there unless I have a show. Has anyone ever told you you look like hungover Ann Coulter? Like going to like, she had to like get something from the store around the corner or something

just hoping that there's no cameras out. Put on her big glasses, threw on a backwards cap, tried to go low-key, get some milk. Isn't Supreme, isn't that a skateboard company? I think, probably, yeah. I'm just fashionable. I wouldn't say that. Oh. It looks like you do IT for skateboarding.

There you go. There it is. You have the probability of breaking your arm one to one thousand percent. Yeah. It's interesting. You look like all the characters in Breaking Bad mushed together in one.

It's like party on the outside, Walter White right in the middle. You look like Jay and Silent Bob. That's a real one right there. He looks like Harry Potter dropped out of Hogwarts. He looks like the world's youngest cat lady. Would you say you are more dazed or confused? He looks like

Charles Manson with less initiative. This fucking guy. Oh my god, Tim. So, tell us about you. Who is the real Tim Hill? Oh. a loser. You look like a scarecrow that skateboarders build. You look like one of the Olsen twins' eating disorders.

That's incredible. You look like Jared Leto if he was made of Legos You guys are hilarious So uh What's it been like being Jeffrey Dahmer's sister This entire time I don't understand Like when he ate all those people Was it something that What's it been like being Jeffrey Dahmer's sister this entire time? I don't understand.

Like, when he ate all those people, was it something that, especially since you two look so much alike, like, I mean. So, Tim, what are other stereotypes about a guy that looks like you that are actually true? You eat a lot of, like, now and laters and shit like that or something weird. I feel like he's addicted to a weird hip candy. Am I correct? What is it? Reeses and Monster for most of the

day. Weed. Weed throughout all of it. That's it. Reeses, Monster Energy. Yeah, that's about the diet. That's how you keep this physique. Really? Yeah. Also, that's about the diet. That's how you keep this physique. Really? Yeah.

Also, I shit a lot. How often do you shit? A couple times a day. Really? How many times do you eat? A lot. No, it's the thyroid thing. We talked about that.

You're not going to remember. I have a hyperactive thyroid. I metabolize food incredibly fast and shit it immediately. I don't gain nutrients. Okay, all right. Get that out of immediately. I don't gain nutrients. Okay. All right. Get that out of here.

We don't need that. That's done for the rest of the thing. Because I want to talk with him about this, but not if we're going to have the fart board out. And I'm watching you two. Don't get sly with it over here. All right. So how did you find this out? Like, how do you know that?

How did you know? How fast does it take? If you ate a hot hamburger right now, what are we talking about? A couple hours. Is it like a pasta machine? It goes in one way and straight out the other? Do you shit when you eat pussy?

Or ass? Doesn't really seem like the pussy eating type to me. You ever do it? Oh, I eat pussy. I'm totally fine with eating pussy. Really? Yes. Yes, sir.

He puts his hair in a ponytail and goes down. I can just picture those thick lenses fogging up like a fucking windshield in the wintertime. You have to use a scraper to get the fog off. Well, Tim, how old are you? 22. 22. Wow. Such a young, funny guy. That's so fucking cool. And you've been doing it for four years already.

Yeah. That's incredible. Are your parents supportive of you? Yeah. I mean, I know they support you, but are they supportive of you? Yeah. My dad doesn't understand it, really. He's like, as long as you stay.

He's fine with it. I work in the weed industry, so he's like, stay with weed. Keep growing weed. You seem to be fine at that. What does your dad do? He's like, he buys cars on Craigslist and turns them over. Wow. Jesus, what is he, the pimp my ride guy? How do you turn and burn cars on Craigslist and turns them over. Wow. Jesus, what is he, the pimp my ride guy? How do you turn and burn cars on Craigslist?

He finds cars that have easy-to-fix problems that people like me wouldn't be able to fix, and they just sell their fucking car for the lows, and he buys it, fixes the problem, and doubles money. He's a lemon maker. Yes. Wow. Look at that. How about your mom? What does she do? Mom retired from Chrysler a while ago. Chry. Wow. Look at that. How about your mom? What does she do?

Mom retired from Chrysler a while ago. Chrysler? Yeah. What cars were they making at the time over at Chrysler at her plant? She worked with shipping. I don't really... White privilege is you don't know what your parents do for a job. Is there anything extra 22-year-old about you? Like have you caught all the

Pokemon or something like that? No. Love gambling. Pretty addicted to gambling. Ooh, what kind of gambling? I like roulette. I go to casinos pretty recklessly. That's so interesting.

And throw money away. What's your betting pattern? Numbers? Numbers. 1, 3, 7, 9, 13. Whatever I'm feeling, I'll spread it around a little bit. Really? Yeah.

You don't ever have certain numbers that you think will come up? I like 23, and I play my birthday at the third. Yeah. Yeah. Those are good numbers, 23. Roulette's an interesting game. I tend to have a lot of fun and get lucky playing roulette. What's your pattern?

Do you do numbers or colors? A little bit, yeah. Mostly I stay red. 1, 3, 7, 9, 13. My numbers are 420. Well, Tim, so much fun, man. I mean, you're an absolute killer. Thanks, man.

You're a hilarious dude. You got to come up visit us sometime in L.A., will you? Yeah, absolutely. All right, come up there. Have a good one. Bye-bye. Heck yeah. Tim Hill, everybody.

Some funny-looking young men out here. You know, for 22, I hope he took all those jokes well. You know, like he's not just going to come back here with a gun and shoot us all or something. I know. I was going to say he looks like the victims and the shooters in Columbine. Yeah. Yes, he looks like a homeschool shooter. Yeah. Jesus Christ. This guy's even here.

He's still getting it. He's back there. All right. Pull the name out. Make some noise for Katie Orchard, everyone. 60 seconds uninterrupted from Katie Orchard. Her name is Katie Orchard. Here she comes, a steady pace.

She's got that apple name, got that apple name, Katie Orchard. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What is up? So I was into choking. Not recreationally, like during sex like a normal person. And then I dated this guy with anger problems. Retro. He's like, I thought you liked this.

And I'm like, I also like yoga. So I was engaged to a struggling musician. Because I like to pay for dinner every time. But we've since broken up, and he texted me 23 times over the last couple days to no response. I could block him. I just know there's a joke in there if we get to 69

and I still haven't came, you know? You guys ever been going down on someone and been so uninterested that you start seeing faces in their pubes? Like, oh, get out there, Grandma. Dude, my ex is going to see me one day. He's not thrilled he's in my set, but he's going to be like,

I was in one of Katie Orchard's jokes. Just watch. I was in one of Katie Orchard's jokes. And his friends are going to be like, who's Katie Orchard? And he's going to be like, you know. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Like the puke joke. I like the puke joke. Hi, Katie. We're going to get to it in a second. Hi, Katie. How are you? Hi, I'm going to keep out. How's going to get to it in a second. Hi, Katie. How are you? Hi. I'm good. How's it going? How are you? Good. I just ran from all the way over there.

No, I know. That was your choice. I had a feeling. Every time I see that on this show, anytime you see somebody just sprinting, the entire rest of everything is always about how they ran there for some reason. It's also not that far. Yeah, we don't recommend running in the room. The thing is, if you run the short distance to the stage, the natural there for some reason. It's also not that far. Yeah, we don't recommend running in the room. So the thing is, if you run the short distance to the stage,

the natural on-stage nervousness and tension that you feel in your chest leaves it so that you can't catch the breath that you normally would easily catch if you've made that short jog anywhere else. It's hard. So then once you're up here, you're literally just trying to talk normally

the entire time without your voice cracking because you're out of breath. Even though you seem like the type to be in the military or something like that. You seem like you're sort of like a butched out hipster. Oh my god, thank you. What is that? Oh, okay. GI plane. Basic training.

Nice. So tell us more about you, Katie. Is that true? Musician? Yeah, he's a musician. But let's not focus on him. It's about me. That's fun.

You like to support musicians? Is your name Katie Orchard because you're the apple of my eye Gonna have sex with her later tonight Oh yeah yeah Oh oh yeah yeah Not pulling out Have to get the plan B tomorrow

Oh no no no no No no no Alright alright alright What kind of musician is he? He's a singer and a guitarist No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right, all right, all right. What kind of musician is he? He's a singer and a guitarist. A singer and a guitarist. My friend Rocco is going to get a chance tonight. He doesn't talk too much, but he pulls out every time.

Isn't that right, Rocco? Oh! So stupid. Hold on, hold on. All right. So how long have you been with this guy? Is he here tonight, the musician? Oh, my God.

We broke up. Oh. Oh, I missed that part. Yeah, that's all right. I can retell it to you. No, it's okay. You play music yourself? I'm a drummer. Yeah, it's all right. I can retell it to you. No, it's okay. You play music yourself? I'm a drummer.

Really? You're a drummer? Wow, that's very interesting. I mean, wow. I'm going to tell you right now, I mean, I'm pretty sure out of all the history of the show, I am positive. I'm pretty sure out of all the history of the show. I am positive.

We have never had a female do the Mexican drama. Now, hold on. Just wait a second. Wait a second, Katie. Let me just tell you guys, because I don't know. Maybe some of you brought a friend from work, or maybe you brought your girlfriend or something like that, and they don't know, maybe some of you brought a friend from work or maybe you brought your girlfriend or something like that and they don't know the show. And you told them you're going to have a blast, don't worry about it, shut your fucking mouth and sit down. So let me explain to you few people who might be out there. competition that has happened many times on this show in which if

this person, the visiting team, Katie Orchard, has a better drum solo, which is an overall performance. It's about the drums. It's about comedy. It's about an overall putting on a show for the people. If she wins, she becomes the new

drummer for the Kill Tony band. That means she performs every Monday at the Comedy Store live, streaming to out around the world. That means she goes on the road with us. We have three massive dates coming up in Australia in October, Sacramento, San Francisco, D.C., New York, all of these dates coming up. She would be the full-time drummer for that.

However, I must warn you, Katie, no one has ever beaten Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez at a Mexican drum-off. But there's something magical in the air tonight. Remember, it's also, have you ever seen Joel do this before? It's also about, you know, being funny, having fun with it. You know, it's a whole thing. You know. Alright. Skeeter. Can I just say I hope

you win because I'm tired of having sex with the other guy. I accidentally All right. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Mexican drama and I present to you for the first time ever a female going for the throne. La Jolla, are you from San Diego? I'm from New York.

Oh, from New York. You're just visiting. All right, well, you almost had your very own. I feel like that didn't help at all. Didn't you learn anything from Hillary Clinton? Just lie through your teeth about everything. All right, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, going for the throne, Didn't you learn anything from Hillary Clinton? Just lie through your teeth about everything. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, going for the throne, Katie Orchard. Katie Orchard. I'm going to say that I'm a lot cuter than that. I'm learning. Oh, my God.

Katie Orchard. Wow. She gave it a shot, people. I don't know. I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. I a shot, people. I don't know. I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't even think... I don't even... That was so sad. That was just... I mean, it's just

unbelievable. It's like when... It's just not a good thing for women. I almost wish there was an actual female drummer somewhere in this room. Do we have a female drummer in this room? Is there any chance any woman here actually knows how to play the drums? You didn't qualify.

I wish you had to be good. By the way, can we just, for the record, there's been two women that have tried to do this Mexican drum off. They have both done the same exact thing. Aphrodite and Al. Because they're used to faking it in the bedroom. Yeah. All right.

You know what, Katie? Stand right behind me. And just because we love La Jolla, just because this is the sister club to the comedy store in Hollywood where we love and we hang out when we're up at home, our favorite club on the planet, since we love you guys and this city and you fans, we're going to have Joel Berg come out

and still defend his throne. How about that? Ladies and gentlemen, undefeated at all times, I present to you the one and only Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Oh my goodness, what is happening? Wow! Wow!

Get that... Go, go, go. You fucking idiot. So dumb. He has blood coming out of his mouth and now it's all over me. So dumb. He has blood coming out of his mouth and now it's all over me. So stupid. The one place.

Ladies and gentlemen, defending his throne. Are you guys excited about this? This is the real deal. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. You guys ready to see a woman get beat on stage? Wow! Wow! Oh my God.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Never in Mexican drum-off history have I had blood all over me. He ruined your bugle boys. It's going to be so much fun driving home tonight, getting pulled over for speeding. The officer sees I have blood

all over my body. Joel Berg leaned over with blood in his mouth. Fake blood. How many of you have Katie Orchard winning that thing, huh? Oh my goodness. What is this, the 2016 election? How many of you have Joel Bergel Jimenez

winning this Mexican festival? He gets very offended if people try to take this job from him. Are you single? Uh-oh. What are you offering him? Drum lessons. Whoa.

So awkward. You just got fucking taxed, lady. Go home. Ladies and gentlemen, there goes Katie Orchard, everybody. I was really expecting her to be able to play the drums Yeah, she even spinned the drumstick Tony, right after I put

the blood in my mouth, I read the package it said, do not put in mouth Really? Yeah Are you serious? Yeah, I didn't swallow any Yeah, you might want to go wash your mouth off I said I'm ready to die for this

Why don't you go rinse your mouth off? It goes into your blood. Okay, and I'm sorry about your pants. Yeah, go put on pants. How about another hand for Joel Berg, everybody? I hope this is translating to the podcast. Crazy. Put your hands together for your next comedian.

Sean McCaw. Sean McCaw. Oh, I know Sean. Here he goes. One more time for Sean McCaw, everybody. So I was eating my girlfriend's pussy this morning, and I forgot I had this on.

And just to fuck with her, she asked me, she goes, do I have a big pussy? I'm a comedian. And I went, no, no, I went no no no no and when she went to slap me this shit stuck to her whisker

on her biscuit and it fucking ripped it I think it's going to leave a scar kind of like the scar my mom had when my dad hit her in the pussy with the coat hanger. Want to see it? Thank you very much.

My name's been Sean McCaw. Hell yeah. Oh, okay. It's okay. Is that a wet one? I'll keep working it out. Sean McCaw, how are you, my man? I'm fucking high as fuck.

Wow, look at this. It's Get Your Grandfather High Day here in San Diego. No, I'm kidding, Sean. How are you? Sean, can I tell you something? You seem like the good guy in a Hell's Angels and the bad guy in a Charlie's Angels. Does that make sense at all?

That's what I wrote down when I was watching you perform. You seem like the nicest guy in the Hell's Angels, and you seem like the bad guy in a Charlie's Angels movie. How about I put your balls where your eyes used to be? Whoa, Jesus Christ. I've never... I've literally... There's only one other time I've ever been less afraid of another human.

Hey, look at that. No, I love you. I love you. I really do. No, I know. I know. Sean's a cool guy. I've met him numerous times.

We've hung out. You always come and you see me live. And what's that? What are you saying, Sean? He smoked weed with me. That's right. I smoke... I'd prefer it if you didn't tell people that I'm available to be

smoking weed with, but... Literally, anybody can do it. After the show, ladies and gentlemen. He smoked weed with a guy who said, whiskers and biscuits. You never heard that? No, I'm not from 1902.

It's called... It's called a whisker biscuit. Really? Is that a real thing? You never heard that? No, I'm not from 1902. It's called a whisker biscuit. Really? Is that a real thing? It's a pussy. It's a pussy. It's a whisker biscuit. Whoa, Jesus. Oh, my God. I don't know what Hills Have Eyes terminology you're using. So tell us about you, Sean. How'd you get the brace on your hand?

I broke my thumb in a motorcycle accident. Wow, you broke your thumb. How'd that happen? That's an interesting thing to break. It was in a motorcycle accident. You were fingering the guy in your sidecar? Uh-oh. Look who's back.

So what was it? Did somebody run a light? Were you not paying attention? What happened? How'd you get into an accident? Somebody was being an idiot, right? I think I could fuck him. Wow, look at that. You thought right. My goodness.

Wow, Sean, you are... Oh, fuck, I'm having fun, dude. I love it, man. This is exciting. I was fucking dying for a shot up here, man. How'd you get in the accident? Was it your fault or did somebody run over you? No, some fucking jack-off fucking cut me off

because he needed to get to the exit and just kept fucking going. Wow. So, Sean, tell us about your entire life. Also, if you use that tone in the court of law, no one believes you. Actually, I'm a grad... Fucking exit!

Like, that's not the word to even accentuate. I'm actually a grad student, and my degree's gonna be in criminal justice. So you're just a prison guard? No, I hate... You're right, Sean. You are so high right now. That's incredible. No, really, that's...

I'm a grad student, and I'm studying criminal justice. I love it. What's been going on the rest of your life? What you been doing? Lots of comedy. You seem like you have a lot of wisdom. You seem like a wise man that's seen a lot.

Maybe you've... I've seen some shit, but... Yeah, like what? What are we talking about? I lived with five women and it was... I don't remember you on the Golden Girls. It was like a bloodbath, dude.

It was like a bloodbath. They'd sink up and fuck me up. Really? They were all having sex with you, the five women? No, no. Those were my sisters. Alright, well. What were my sisters. Alright. What else, Sean? I have a lot of respect for women.

Really, I do. Because when you fuckers bleed, you fucking get aggressive as fuck, man. Wow. Look at that. You seem like the type of women you'd have sex with can't have their periods yet. This is surprising

to me that you're so passionate about it. Yeah, it's just crayons. Old enough to spawn, old enough for Sean. So you have a motorcycle. Oh, fuck you! That's fuck you! Were you ever in any motorcycle gangs or anything like that?

Yeah, suck his dick! I like this guy now. Don't pay attention to that guy. You ever in any motorcycle gangs or anything? No. No. Friends with. What's the longest you've traveled on a motorcycle? I went 11,477 miles in 56 days through 26 states.

Wow. From the tip of my dick to the base of my belly button. You look like a... Wow, people love... I love the dudes that start chanting when he just brags about having a giant... It's always dudes. It's always dudes.

Yeah, totally. You look like if the Monopoly guy went to jail and did not pass go and did not collect $200. Wow. What a monster. I really am an ex-convict. Yeah? Okay, tell us all about it.

Convicted felon. Robbed a fucking gas station. You robbed a gas station? What gas station was it? Oh, it wasn't a gas station. Actually, it was a major fucking interstate truck stop. Wow. Did you get caught immediately? I was drunk as fuck with two other guys.

God bless you guys. They're dead. They're dead? Yeah. How did they die one died from a heroin overdose and one died because uh he got hit by a drunk driver wow what was that what was that what's that act out you just did there was he was somebody's out there drinking and driving it wasn wasn't you. I know all you cocksuckers didn't Uber it here, so

anyway. No, he got hit by a drunk driver. You hate drunk drivers. You're very passionate about that. I fucking hate fucking drunk drivers. Did this guy get hit on Baltic Avenue? Or Mediterranean? Or the boardwalk? And if you text, if I see you

texting on your phone, you get a free Rockstar. Comes right through your windshield. Wow, you have serious anger issues, and I like it. Let's talk more about it. Let's be honest here. I don't like people in four wheels. Sean, Sean, stick with me over here.

So clearly you have serious... I don't do that. Sean, you son of a bitch. Shut the fuck up, kid. All right, Sean, you're so weird. I've got a knife. Oh, my God, all right of a bitch. Shut the fuck up, kid. All right, Sean. I've got a knife. Oh, my God. All right.

Kidding. So clearly you have extreme anger issues, and I want to talk more about this. A lot of people at this point would move on. They'd get you off stage, but I don't want to. I only get angry when people do stupid shit on our show. The catch with all of this is that you need to listen to me and the questions that I ask you.

It's very important. Oh, that's my saxophone. Sean. Sean. All right. It felt kind of good. I think we're losing him, folks. Sean, listen to Tony. Everything going to be all right.

Calm down. Sean, you have serious anger issues. What's realistically the craziest road rage situation that you've had or been part of or started? The craziest?

Yeah. If you have to think about it too hard, then it's not worth it. No, I've ripped somebody's side view mirror off. Well, that's it.

Am I right? Yeah, because they fucking almost killed me and they were talking on the phone as I'm going, hang up the phone. And they just kept talking. So I just ripped his fucking mirror off. And he goes, okay, I'm hanging up.

And he hung up. After that, he hung up. Yeah. Did you do this while driving the motorcycle? No, I had to park it and put the kickstand down right in front of him. Happened on the way here last week. Okie dokie.

All right, now we're part of a... Sorry, it's legal for me to do what I do on a motorcycle, and I'm sorry if you're on the phone and you almost kill me, you got something coming. Was that the motorcycle accident that broke your thumb, man? Oh, good question. No, it wasn't road rage.

Oh. I thought it was him. It was road rage. It wasn't road rage. No, the guy just fucking cut me off. The car was a Tesla the whole time. It was driving itself. All right, Sean.

Well, how long ago did you start stand-up comedy? How long have you been doing it? A little over two years. A little over two years. A little over two years. And how old are you? 59. All right. I guess so.

Well, I love your style. It's always cool when people start different times, different paths. I wouldn't miss seeing you when you come to San Diego. I've been here every time. I love you. Thank you, Sean McCall. Thank you. You're a sweet man.

Thank you. Nice guy, murderer vibes. Interesting interview. Oh, yeah. Nice guy with murderer vibes. That could have gone so much different.

So many missed moments there. That's a fucking real crazy old man right there. Like they don't just, those aren't just a dime a dozen. That's like a legitimate, real American old man. Like that's like a crazy man right there. I think I'm high from swallowing fake blood, man. That's just poison. I washed out as much as I could.

Do you feel something? Powerful. All right. All right, put your hands together for your next comedian, Alex Peregrina. Seems familiar. Alex Peregrina. Seems familiar. Alex Peregrina. Here we go. You guys having fun out there?

Here's Alex Peregrina. Hello, everybody. So my sister just told me she's non-binary, which means I can't call her her or my sister. I have to refer to her as they. You know how awkward that is, introducing her? I'm like, well, this is it?

I'm like, yeah, that's it right there. And she's like, oh, you're such an asshole. You don't even use my pronouns. I'm like, I don't even know what a fucking pronoun is. And the thing is, I did research. Like, I went on YouTube. Apparently, there's like like, 300 genders. One of them is called gender fluid,

so sometimes you feel more like a man. Then sometimes you feel more like a woman. And then sometimes you're just in the middle going back and forth. I'm like, that just sounds like emotions. You know? Like, I feel like a woman sometimes. I'm at work.

I'm like, my fucking feet hurt. I want to go home. And then other times I feel like a man. I'm like, dude, let's show someone her penis and then deny it when they bring it up. All right, I'm Alex. Thank you very much. Fuck yeah. Alex Peregrina. Hello.

Hello. How are you? I'm good This is cool How long have you been on comedy for? I started when I was in high school I was like 16 Last year?

What the fuck are we talking about? Last week I really went all in when I was like 19 Sold all my shit Sold all your shit? What are we talking about? Fucking Buzz Lightyear dolls and shit? Who sells all my shit, and then, yeah, here we are. You sold all your shit? What are we talking about, like fucking Buzz Lightyear dolls and shit? What are we talking about?

Who sells all their shit? I sold everything that I had at 19, started a new life for myself. Sold my PlayStation. That's what I did. My five-star Trapper Keeper, five bucks from Todd. All right. What are we talking about? What did you sell? five bucks from Todd. Alright. What are we talking about? What did you sell?

It was like my PlayStation. My PlayStation 1. It was a humble beginning, alright? It was like, yeah, I don't need that. So how old are you?

25. 25. Wow, look at you. What do you do for work? I bar back. Bar back? Yeah. You seem like

a barback type. I'm good at washing dishes. I think you meant wetback. I can fucking say it! He can say it. And you can laugh. That was our Mexican cast member of the show. Alright. So Alex, how long have you been barbacking for? is our Mexican cast member of the show. All right.

So, Alex, how long have you been barbacking for? About three years. Three years. You haven't moved up to a server yet? No. Honestly, it's good money, and I don't have to talk to people. You just go in the back, fix shit up,

make sure everyone's got all their kegs and shit ready to go. So it's true your sister is now non-binary? Yeah, dude, that was like... So what exactly, help explain that to me. She just doesn't identify as a woman, which is weird. What does she identify as?

It? I don't know, man. It really is? Have you asked her what the proper pronoun is? So when I talk about her, I have to say, my sibling went over here, or they will be right back. Does she look more like a female, act like more of a female? Oh, dude, she's a female. Oh, so she's just being.

It's this whole new fad with all these weird fucking causes and shit. I still love her. It's fucking annoying. You love they. Yes. They. Wow. How do your parents handle that?

Pronouns. Brr, brr. How long has she been like this for? About two years. Two years. I hope she gets better. How do your parents handle it? My mom's pretty cool about it.

She's in the Colorado. She's like, yeah, it's all cool. And then my dad, he's real old school. He's like, I don't cool about it. She's in the Colorado. She's like, yeah, it's all cool. And then my dad, he's real old school. He's like, I don't fucking get it. I think it's a joke. Is she dating guys or girls, or is she just really, really big and gross? Oh, come on. No, and that's the thing.

She's not like an ugly person. I don't know, man. I think she's just like, I don't know. It's a whole weird thing. I try not to get into it. She doesn't even talk to me, so, I mean. Wow, she won't even talk to you? No, don't, oh, goddammit.

That's why I turned it into a joke, so I could deal with it. Aw. Maybe she doesn't talk to you because you call her she. That's very true. And you look like young Dracula. Wow. So, what about you? Do you always feel

like a man? Do you think it's something in your guys' genes, perhaps? Genetics? I don't know. I just got sober, so I've been trying to be a better person. So I do try to accommodate. No, I'm asking you, do you always

feel like a man? Do you don't relate to that at all? There's nothing, like, feminine about you? Eh, I don't know. I mean, I like to watch fucking movies a lot. What kind of? Like the rom-coms. Ah, this guy's a true bitch.

Bra, bra. I love it, Alex. What's your love life like? It's good, man. I mean, with my girlfriend. We've been together three years. Yeah. She's super supportive.

Just, you know. Where'd you meet her at? I actually met her at the job I work at. Yeah, she's a bartender. Oh. You're going bar back and bare back, huh? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Damn.

That's why you're a bar back still. Yeah. Jesus. Oops, looks like I dropped some ice. I's why you're a barback still. Oops, looks like I dropped some ice. I have to sniff your fucking butt. Hello. I know how that works. It's true. The barbacks are always fucking the bartenders.

It's a real thing. Absolutely. A lot of female bartenders' boyfriends in the audience right now are just like, fuck, man. Fuck, I fucking knew it, man. Tony Hinchcliffe, I have to ask, have you ever knelt down and smelled a girl's butt?

Like in a 9 to 5 scenario? Well, I mean, not a lot of bars are 9 to 5. 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. That's not really how it works. The bars I go to, Catalina. No, I don't think I personally have ever done that. I did some bar backing back in my day, and there were definitely some hot bartenders.

But no, I've never sniffed one of their butts. Good question, though, Skeeter. I have... Fuck yeah. Alright. So, Alex, that's exciting. Are you Mexican? Yeah, Mexican and Italian.

Mexican and Italian. Alright, take it easy. What is she? What is her ethnicity? I know she's mixed with like a... Everybody always gets extra Italian after they tell you they're Italian. No, I'm trying to think.

And he did. He switched halfway through too. He's like, I'm Mexican. She's a salami. He's like, I'm Mexican and I'm Italian. What the fuck does she even do what is her fucking ethnicity again I don't even fucking remember old fucking Billy Two Bats from down the street

once hit me in the head my memory's a little fucked up I mean a minute ago I was fucking Mexican American now I'm fucking completely Italian. My name's Alex Peregrina. Maybe it's Mexican. Maybe it's Italian. Forget about it. Anyway, keep going.

What's the ethnicity of this girl that you're dating? I don't know. She's white. She's white She's white She's just a little mom Are you booing white girls? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, man

You misunderstood that I'm high on fake blood Anything else crazy we should know about you, Alex Peregrina? Any fun facts about you that we'd be shocked and appalled to know about? You have any records or anything? No, I really had a thing for cocaine. Oh, you do? Is that true?

Wow, look at this fucking old marine sitting here. I have the scars to prove it. I cut my hand open last year. I thought my girlfriend was fucking someone and I hit some glass. Yeah, it was horrible. She probably is fucking somebody. Probably. It's incredible. You're like a scar face, one and I hit some glass and then yeah it was horrible she probably is fucking somebody probably

it's incredible you're like a scar face but your hands yeah wow it's a weird coke injury to have so how much cocaine are we talking about I don't really know anything about that drug so I can't really yeah how much well how much a night how much did you spend a night or how much I actually didn't spend a lot like I'm working in industry, you just meet a lot of fucking dealers, and I made friends with a bunch of them, and they would always come out to a show. That is the thing. I don't know how many people know about the bartending

and barback fucking crazy-ass industry that it is, but there's something with serving people and all that that it really has a crazy psychological effect, and then you have to overcompensate and get wasted and fucked up yourselves. It's true. We forget that in a weird way. We don't ever talk about it because it seems worse than it is. But a server is short for servant.

It's like a servant person. I did it for years. Busboy, bagboy, waiter, all this shit. Food runner. I've done it all. Bartender, bag boy, waiter, all this shit. Food runner. I've done it all. Bartender. And it's a fucking tough industry. And people just all get together after that at 2, 3, 4 a.m.

And get fucking fucked up. And spend all the money. You get off at like 3 in the morning and then you don't go to bed until like 9. What's some other crazy shit that you've seen at your late night restaurateur parties? Other than you hitting. What the fuck did you hit, by the way? I don't even remember. I just... I remember I hit a bunch of glass and...

Oh, God. That's so stupid. Really bad scar. I mean, if you're gonna punch something... It's pretty fucked up. Any other crazy party moments from you? Yeah, you ever sniff a butt before, man? Yes, man. Have you done cocaine out of a butthole? Yeah, you ever sniff a butt before, man? Yes, man. Have you done cocaine out of a butthole?

No, I never got to. What's the weirdest thing you've done cocaine off of? You seem like you've done it off of a churro or something like that. No, I used to use pen caps because they're like... It's called a cannoli, man. So you use fucking pin caps

Yeah, you just scoop a little bit out of the bag And go back to work Wow, you have a serious problem If we ever get Dr. Phil On the show or something like that He'll be legal soon He's fine Red band

Politicking for legal cocaine Live, La Jolla, California they use it in hospitals already alright well Alex fun times man good to meet you there he goes

Alex Paragrina half Mexican half Italian full cocaine yeah yeah yeah yeah oh heck yeah how about one more time for Alex Paragrina everybody Heck yeah.

How about one more time for Alex Peregrina, everybody? And before we get to our next comedian, here's a little bit more from the awesome sponsor of this show. Hey, guys. Is there something interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals? I know I've had some rough times lately. You know, we lost one of our best friends, Brody Stevens,

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special offer for kill tony listeners 10 off if you go to betterhelp.com slash killtony. That's 10% off your first month. Betterhelp.com slash killtony. And we're back live in La Jolla. It's so exciting to be here. So much fun. And as you guys know on this show we have a regular

and he writes and performs a new 60 seconds every week of course his name is the great William Montgomery however he couldn't make it here tonight yeah it's crazy he could only make it to the first show he had to leave because he works early at the

self storage unit so in his place, though, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the one, the only, William Montgomery. There he is. He's on an electric wheelchair again. That is him on a real electric wheelchair. Using a man in an electric wheelchair for a ride. One of the more expensive types of Uber that there is

is a ride on the back of a man's electric wheelchair. There you go. William Montgomery is here ladies and gentlemen. He's getting off his throne. William Montgomery, everybody. Here he is, live in the flesh. First and foremost, let's give it up for

Ja Rule. That was the man in the wheelchair. He was in Steamboat Spring. Steamboat Springs, Colorado four years ago. He got drunk. He hit a backflip he couldn't finish. Ended up at the hospital in Memphis, the med. Trying to remember how to read, not knowing how he got there.

trying to remember how to read, not knowing how we got... Not a lot of people know this about me, but my uncle is Richard Dracula. He is a part of the Monopoly sort of ring of games. I don't know if y'all are familiar with Vintner Avenue, but can I get a little love? Let's give it up for Swamp Thing.

My uncle, Richard Swamp Thing, he lives up in Idaho. He doesn't know how to read. Tony, I didn't want to bring it up. Can I finish just sort of that statement? Yes, sure. Ladies and gentlemen, finishing up. Can I finish just sort of that statement? Yes, sure.

Ladies and gentlemen, finishing up, uninterrupted by the bear. He was a man who showed us how to shoot guns down in Mississippi. He sort of showed us the ropes. There was one evening he touched my brother Vance in his aqua socks. Those are shoes that you can wear in a river. Essentially, I'm a little red-headed boy. I don't understand what is going on. Earlier that evening, I'm playing fucking Monopoly.

I have two hotels on st. James place I have a house on boardwalk do the math on that one I don't give a shit I'm from the Philippines I can read Spanish I can go out in a storm and sort of predict where lightning's gonna strike and just get underneath sort of the security of a house. I swear to God, not a lot of people can do that. I was

a little... I thought you were gonna... We all thought you were going to... We all thought you were going to get to something big. There was some ribbon you were going to put on this whole thing. Please, y'all do not repeat this. I have a distant relative who invented Brick Breaker. There was a lot of money involved. We ended up getting bit by mosquitoes,

getting Lyme's disease. Alright. What do you have written down there? What's on this piece of paper? I've never been this close to you on this show. It's very... Can I tell one of my best jokes? Okay. Sure will, yeah.

Y'all are in for a treat. I currently work for TNT Network, Rescue 911. Pretty big deal. I used to live in the sewers. Yeah, something was wrong with my knee. Okay, here's the joke. So I have a whistling album coming out in a couple weeks.

It's about what it sounds like, just my brother and me whistling songs like Jingle Bells. The night before Christmas. Where'd the cookies go? Smells like dad's been down here. Who put so many logs on the fire? Why does he have to drink so much? Get behind the sofa, he'll see you. Who's he yelling

at? Oh my god, what has happened? Stop saying that and get behind the sofa. He's staring right at you. How doesn't he see you? With classics like Get Under the Porch, I Hear His Truck Coming Up the Driveway.

Please Eat It. He'll just get more mad if you don't. And it's not a ghost in the closet. It's just dad. Wow. That's the... You've done that joke three times on this show. You know that, William?

You've done that exact same joke three... Hey, Redman, you want to fucking stop? No, I'm just saying, you know... Whoa, whoa. Maybe not repeat jokes. I can't feel my knee. He's not repeating a joke. That's not in the 60 seconds.

He asked if he could do one of his best jokes. It's okay. Hey, Tony. I like it. William has a lot of things in his pockets. Can we look what's inside his pockets? Yeah, let's find it. How many of you want to know what's inside?

But before we do that, can I just say, William is such a polarizing figure. Are the police here? William, relax. Is that Michael? Yes, it's Michael. Y'all, that's a joke I've been working on. Hold on, is that Michael?

William, breathe for a second. Meditate for a second. When William was doing his joke, when I say it's either love him or hate him, it was incredible. I was looking out. 95% of the audience just cackling, staring at him, clapping, completely engaged. And then certain guys, this guy,

that guy, literally looks of fury looking at me like it's my fault. Like, why are you doing this to us? While everybody else is having a great time. Why'd you show up here? You've given me the creeps. I was a Navy SEAL. Are you an ex-military guy?

I was in Vietnam. I was in the Congo. I've killed people. Show us what's in those pockets. Okay, yeah, let's see what's in the pockets. Thanks, Skeeter. You're keeping us on track here. Let's find out. While I do it, y'all are in for a treat. I'm gonna give y'all one of my best jokes.

I, uh... I like it when my mom goes out of town because I get to sleep on her side of the bed. All right, we know these jokes, William. Pull what's in your pocket. Pull shit out of your pocket. Stop doing old jokes. You gotta save those. I work at a CVS.

They give us Pilot Razor Point pins. What is that? Give it up for Richard Pilot Point, just a distant relative. Oh, that's a hairy pen. What's in the other pocket? William, what's in your other pocket? A cough medicine called Coracetin, I'm addicted to the

pills Let's see it, pull it out Pull it out before I do Here we go We're invading William's pockets This is the first time we've done this in the history of the show William, is there anything you want to say to your haters here? This guy here in the front row hates you.

That guy right there. Hey, Mike Richardson, I get it. We went to high school together. Is that true? Did you go to high school with William? We went to high school together. He told me not to watch Scorning. He told me not to go outside.

Okay, hold on. William, William, William. Skeeter, let's ask this guy. I want to ask this guy a question. And don't interrupt, William. I noticed that you, William. Skeeter, let's ask this guy. I want to ask this guy a question, and don't interrupt William. I noticed that you hated William. What is it that you dislike about William so much? Oh, my God.

I've just seen your performances a lot. Yeah, he keeps on doing the same stuff over and over again. Exactly, yes. He literally doesn't do the same stuff over and over. He's done that joke three times on stage. I know, but he said he's going to do one of his best jokes. Of course he's done it. On a podcast?

We could just listen to that episode again. That's so weird. Or he could just do a joke, which he did, and it killed. Except what's funny about it is that there was three angry people. One, two, three, right here. So it was a perfect straight consolation. In my fantasy world, what I picture is just us five, Navy SEALs, 1996, Atlanta Olympics, putting the pipe bombs underneath the bleachers. Y'all looking back at me.

Look how mad this guy is. He's literally doing talking hands like that. Is there anything you'd like to say to that guy over there, that guy with talky hands? You're still looking at the first guy, William. If you were to come and hang out with me down in Scottsdale, I work at the Lakeemton. Is that true? Yeah, I'm a general manager there.

I sell Xanax bars out of room 217. All right. I almost drowned in the fucking pool. And what kills me is I'm looking at your face. You're sort of scowling at me. And I can't help but think you sort of find me for help. Maybe in Scottsdale. Maybe in Arkansas somewhere.

Maybe by the diamond fields. And you're like, William, maybe in Arkansas somewhere. Maybe by the diamond fields. And you're like, William, I need your help. And I'm like, hey, I... You wouldn't fucking say that? Alright. Alright, William. I have given it my all

to be in this fucking situation right now. I work for Rescue 911. Have y'all ever heard of baseball? I'm a pitcher. William. Y'all ever heard of the XFL? William, how's the girl? I play football.

You do? You play for the XFL now? It is a team in Memphis called the Memphis Maniacs. They learned shortly sort of me joining the team that I don't know how to read. I'm actually from the Philippines. They didn't get it. All right, there he goes. William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, let's get back to this bucket. I'm starting to think little William Montgomery might have a little drinking problem. Anybody else getting drinking problem energies from William? Wow, look at that. Look at the Asian guy. The newest member of SNL is here, ladies and gentlemen. There he is.

He's here live. All right, put your hands together for your next comedian, Colton Harpy, everyone. Colton Harpy. Oh, here he is. It's the door guy. Hey. So I used to work at an elementary school,

and one day at recess, these two little girls run up to me, and they're like, hey, Mr. Harpy, are you cool or are you other? And I don't know what the hell either of those terms mean in third grade language, so I'm like, I'm cool. And they started giggling and laughing at me, and they're like, do you know what that means? I'm like, no. And they're like, go ask Danelle. So I walk over like, no. And they're like, go ask Danelle.

So I walk over to Danelle, and I'm like, hey, Danelle, the fuck does cool mean? And in front of all the other kids at recess, he goes, cool means that you're a constipated, overrated, overhated loser. Just got schooled by a nine-year-old at recess. So like any responsible adult, I bent down, I leveled and I said hey Danelle, come here I just wanted to tell you at conferences I'm going to fuck your mother and make your bedtime a couple hours earlier and he never said that to me again

ever but it's weird, they like to make fun of me like one time I walked into a room, this kid goes you look so weird, disappear you look so weird, disappear and I'm like, motherfucker, you're cross-eyed. Everything in this whole building looks weird to you. All right, thank you very much, guys.

Burn. Colton Harpy. Fuck yeah. Telling off kids. Heck yeah. So what was the backbone of that? You're a teacher? I used to work at an elementary school in the special ed department.

Wow. Is that how you got such incredible muscles? I didn't want to be beat up by them or made fun of them, so I was like, I got to stand up for myself, you know? Hell yeah. I got to be the coolest kid in that school. Wow. I guess there's second chances for everyone.

You were talking down to handicapped kids? Well, you know. at school. Wow. I guess there's second chances for everyone. You were talking down to handicapped kids? Well, you know. Was there one guy that was very close to like, oh man, he almost got me? Yeah, a couple instances on the playground got pretty... Like what?

No, I'm just... Like what happened though? I'm just gone with it. What? I'm just going with it. Did any of the kids ever swallow blood that said, if ingested, seek medical attention? No, I have a story, though, where there's...

Wow, when you put your glasses up like that, you're so douchey. It's incredible. It's so weird. For those of you listening to the show, he's like a buff nerd type and he's wearing a La Jolla Comedy Store extra small for some reason. You're squozing into that shirt

tonight, buddy. I don't have to work out so much. I've been shrinking all my clothing lately. It's really working out for me. Why did you take your glasses off just then? Because I'm sweating profusely. It's hot as shit up here.

You know how your eyeballs sweat? Imagine having dreadlocks. It's getting hot in here. Any other crazy moments with special ed kids? One time I was in a classroom and this kid... You guys ever bond about both having retard

strength? Yeah, actually. Right before recess we were. So this kid was like running around and he took down his pants one time and I'm like taking notes on the iPad. He's like, I hate my mom, I hate my mom and I look up and he's just spreading his asshole

like in my face and I was like, eh, I think it's time to get rid of this job at this point. And that is the origin story of Brian Red Bond. Oh, shit. Succulent. Do you still do that or not anymore? No, no, no. That was an old job.

Now you just do this? You work here? Yeah, I do this. And on the side, I do some web design and stuff. Web design? Yeah. Wow. You don't look like a spider.

Hey, can we get that apple orchard girl back up here? Wow. What's your love life like? You hooking up with fucking chicks? Yeah, I got a girl that's been going steady for about two and a half years. Did you meet her at the gym? No, I met her on... Did you meet her at Makeout Point where you say going steady?

I think we met on Bumble. There's not much of a story for that. Are there any saxophone players in the crowd? I haven't heard anybody say going steady since the 40s. Oh my god. Colton, tell us about your life, man. What's interesting about you? Let's fucking get the dirt on this situation.

This is my second time up here. You have like an aunt that only has like half her body or something like that? I got a dad with an anger problem. He likes to make up swears. He gets so mad. Yeah? Does he ride a motorcycle and have a cast on his arm? No. He doesn't.

I got the thumbs up. Make sure he's not getting his gun or anything like that. My aunt is... What kind of anger issues are we talking about with your dad? Everything bothers him. Everything. He likes to swear at the TV. Has he ever called you a disappointment? Probably, yeah.

I didn't think you'd remember that. What's the angriest you've ever seen him? Let's talk about it. He'll call to check his banking account, and the automated thing really sets him off. He's yelling at it. He's like, yes, yes, god damn it. Like there's a person. How old is he?

Oh, he's old. He's 79. Wow. He's got a strong heart on that guy for that type of stress. Normally people that get those angry explosions, they don't last that long. Yeah. Do you have any of those traits? Are you an angry person?

Yeah, I have it come out with my girlfriend. Oh yeah, tell us about it. Guys shaped like you almost never have anger issues with women. We have some issues back and forth. Nothing to do with steroids or nothing. Are you the kind of guy

who when you call the cable company and you hear an automated message, you just start yelling, operator, operator, speak to an operator. Is that you? That's my dad. Cool. All right. Wow. There you go. Yeah.

So what in your history with your girlfriend has made you very angry? Give us a real example. Just be honest. She has a kid. The kid's not mine. She's Latino? Yeah, she's Mexican. Very good.

Which, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Which means I'm a stepfather now. How old's the kid? Kid is five. Five years old. Yeah. And he's just walking around, you're not my dad, fuck you.

Yeah, yeah, pretty much, yeah. Well, it's like, it's like I have no say in anything. It's very frustrating. Like, give us an example of that. Like, what are your things? Uh, like he'll be throwing a tantrum and then he'll just pretty much look at me and then look at her and like she's not doing anything. So I just, I can't, I can't do anything.

Yeah, you're not his dad. Sit there and take it. Wow. What do you like so much about the girl that you're dating that has the kid? What's so special about her? We know it's not her extra tight pussy. No.

It's got nothing to do with her fat ass or her fake tits. It's just strictly her sweet personality. I've really fallen's just strictly her sweet personality. I've really fallen in love with her sweet personality. Jeez, are you sure you're not into dudes, bro? What the fuck are we talking about? Her sweet personality.

Oh, you know, I just love sucking on that sweet, sweet personality of hers. You know what I mean? That's just the shit that gets my... When that personality comes all over your face, it's like... Choking on that personality. I over your face, it's like, oh, choking on that personality. I love it when the personality rides it reverse cow-co. Ah.

Yeah, you ever make your personality squirt all over the fucking room? You ever just work that fucking, work that sense of humor until... Personality's so good it hurts my ass. I'm high on fake blood right now. Alright, Colton. Well, fun times, man. You were on this show last time, right? Yeah, I was. Which time went

better, this time or last time? What do you think? This guy says last time. He was here. Definitely last time. I'll your own people, too. I'll take his word for it. Actually, I believe that's the five-year-old's father that you're raising. Oh, yeah, that is the father over there. Okay, well, it's all coming together.

It's all part of the plan. Heck, yeah. All right. Well, have you ever met him, by the way, the father of the five-year-old? No. Is that an awkward? He FaceTimes once every six months. We don't want to ask more than that.

We feel like that's enough. Oh my god. That's all they give you in prison. Let me talk to my son, fool. And you ain't his dad, homie. Let me ask you this. Is his dad a Raiders fan? Do you know? Duh. Seahawks.

Seahawks. That's a weird team. Yeah. I go against the grain, fool. That's the team most liked by people that abandon their children. They're all big Seahawks fans. All right, there he goes. Colton Harpy, everybody.

What do you guys think? One more time, the bucket? The guy that hates William just walked to the back. We're going to find out more on this situation as the show goes on. I think he's going to the restroom. There's a guy wearing a tank top walking through there. Did you guys have fun here tonight? Alright, let's see what happens here.

Put your hands together for Josh S. Here he comes. He's got a steady pace. He's been paying attention. He knows you don't want to run. If you sit far away, you just take a nice, steady pace. Here he is. Josh S., everybody.

Let me start off by saying I'm from the white trash part of San Diego, a town called Lakeside. But I'm not white trash. I'm not redneck. Actually, my dad's part of the family is white trash rednecks from Arkansas. But I'm still not white trash. I'm still not redneck. Okay? Promise. So I went to the strip club for the first time a week ago with some coworkers, and it was really weird paying to see some girls get naked. Like, why would I pay them when my sister will do it for free? So, I'm uncircumcised, and I have a question for circumcised guys out there. Where do you put your loose change? Like, when I go pay for a soda, you know, there's a dollar eight,

and they're like, okay, here's a dollar, and then I, you know, eight cents, there you go. Anyways, thank you guys. Wow, Josh S. This guy definitely sleeps with his sister, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow,

alright. One of the more disgusting sets We've ever had on this show But yeah, I see what it is You got your own little fucking brand over here I didn't realize, Joel, you had a A lesbian brother That you've never told us about

He's non-binary, he goes as they Oh And he's my sister His blood is gonna kill me You ever play doctor with your sister? You ever fuck around when you were younger with her? No, not at all We're not really that close

I just started talking to her the past two years Your voice just cracked I'm afraid of this dude I'm not making fun of this dude at all for a second Even with the crazy old man earlier and the ripped nerd that was just up here, this dude scares me more than all of them. He's built differently. He's got that...

You see that chest crazy shit going on there? And he's built like a wrestler. You wrestle? No, I did powerlifting in high school. You do what? Powerlifting in high school. Powerlifting. It's called power bottom. Oh, shit. You just got skeetered, dude. Skeeter, bruh, bruh. You. You just got skeetered, dude. Skeeter, bruh, bruh. You just got motherfucking skeetered, bro.

Power lifting. So, like, what's the most you ever lifted? Well, you do competition, so it's bench, squat, and deadlift. What's your bench? The most I did unassisted was 275, and then you put on a shirt, and then I did 325 in competition. A shirt. That's great. What does that mean? It's like a suit.

It's really tight. You basically... Your arms are like this. And when you put the weight on, you actually have to pull the barbell down with your strength and then when you... It's like cheating. It's fucking stupid. They made us do it when we did it. So 275. That's strong. Let's just stick with that, okay?

You ever lift any crazy shit just for your fun in your spare time? They just do it when we do it. That's weird. So 275. Yeah. That's strong. Let's just stick with that, okay? Heck yeah. You ever lift any crazy shit just for your fun in your spare time? Me and my friend were going to football practice, and we were like, fucking, dude, we're 17. We're jacked. Let's do some shit. We saw a small VW Volkswagen bug, and it was parked in a red zone, maybe two inches. We're like, let's move this shit. Let's do some good stuff right now. Jesus Christ.

Powerful. See what I'm, let's move this shit. Let's do some good stuff right now. Jesus Christ. Powerful. See what I'm talking about? We, we got it. We got it up. We got it up and it was like, still like,

scraping against the ground but we were able to move it out and we're like, fuck yeah, we did a good thing today. What's the most you've ever like, clean and jerked

like above your head? I've never done that before. I strictly powerlifting, like, bench squat and deadlift. Alright. What else are you into, Josh? Well, last time I was on here, I didn't really say, like, what I was into.

I just said, like, oh, fishing. But now, like, I got into surfing and drinking with friends. I did snowboarding during the winter. Have you been drinking a lot? You said drinking with friends is a hobby. You're an alcoholic, man. It's a good hobby.

It's a good time. It's pretty much my hobby, too. Yeah. What's your drink of choice? Jager bombs. Oh, God. What the fuck? How old are you?

Okay. Can I just say, with that one response, we know exactly who you are as a person. Oh, hold on. I started off with White Claws, and when I get a little drunk, then I finish it with Jager Bombs. You walk into the bar and the bartender just lines them up immediately. Just Jager Bombs.

I've never been to a bar. How old are you? 21. Okay, that makes sense. Have you tried Goldschlager yet? No. Mix it with Jägermeister and a little bit of Fireball. Trust me. Oh, my God.

So disgusting. Trash can. Disgusting. That's absolutely disgusting. Oh, my God. All right, Josh. So what else, man? You're 21.

What's it like being 21 nowadays, walking around with an uncircumcised cock? A month ago, my girlfriend broke up with me, so I've been on Tinder. Your girlfriend broke up with you? When did this happen? A month and maybe two weeks. A month and two weeks. Oh my god, you're still at that point where you're fucking moving another

ex on a calendar with a broken heart in it. Just fucking... One and a half days, maybe. Is that when you got the nose piercing? Actually, I did that on week three, day five. It was one of the sadder moments because I heard our song come on the

radio. Yeah. And I started thinking about her. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to do something, get her attention. She pierced my heart. I'll pierce my nose. Yeah, dude. What's that? Is that a new tattoo, too?

No, this is old. This is an old one, but he said Pierce My Heart. Oh, there's a heart with a sword in it on his arm. This 21-year-old has had it so hard that he has a sword through his heart. Oh, man, you're going to have a sleeve by the time you're 35, bro. You listen to a lot of songs that sound like that old-timey

white punk-type music, like, she broke my heart and it's Christmas time. Like that? Were you looking for the word emo, Tony? Yeah. I guess. I mean, I don't know. Whatever you fucking kids

call it. That's the music she listens to. I have a pierced heart, so I got the tattoo. What is that? Don't let me fall. Alright, I don't know what that is. I don't know what's going on Alright, Josh Well, I mean, you're 21 This girl broke your heart

Did it really hurt your feelings? Did she start fucking a guy taller than you? Is that what it is? Okay, hold on Tell the truth, because I know that probably would fuck with you Because you're a big guy, but height isn't your fucking thing No, it's not I know We know that probably would fuck with you because you're a big guy, but height isn't your fucking thing. No, it's not.

It's not. I know. Napoleon, I've seen this with a lot of great small people. After we broke up, it was a mutual breakup. And then I made a Tinder. She made a Tinder. And we're both like, what the fuck? And she's like, okay, let's just have fun. And then I didn't see her for three weeks.

And then we were just like, let's hang out. And the first thing we talked about was our experiences. And she's like, yeah, I had like a hookup with like 10 guys. One guy wanted a threesome. This guy was drinking vodka. He was doing lines of coke.

He was on two Viagras. Dick was all small. And I was like, I still love you. Why are you telling me all this shit? Oh my God. What did you do

during the break? Who did you hook up with? Jerkoff City. Stripper. I hooked up with a stripper. Really? Oh my goodness. My? Oh, my goodness. My first mom.

Like, milk. First mom? Yeah. Wow. Tell us about that. How did that go down? That was on Tinder? Yeah.

Yeah, what's it like having sex with your birth mother, your first mom? Where'd you meet the mom at? It was on Tinder. It was all on Tinder. And then what happened? So you matched, right? Or some shit like that. And you're like, hey, you want to meet up somewhere?

And she's like... Well, I added her on Snapchat after I matched. And then she put something on her story like, what's there to do tonight? And I said, it's not shit. It's Wednesday. And she's like, yeah, there's shit to do in your bed. And I was like, ooh. Oh, my God.

She is aggressive. Wow. Just first fucking response the other shit to do in your bed so she came over and yeah like there was no talking like she just like take your pants off and she started giving me head and then escalated how old

how old is her kid do you know I think he was like six six or five she was 30 did she just keep them at home in a box? She put him to bed before she came over. You would think she'd be tired of having a little kid in her pussy, but no, she clearly hadn't had enough. Rip.

Rip. So did you notice anything different about hooking up with a mom that's different than hooking up with a daughter? I mean... It wasn't a good experience. It wasn't? Did you notice it was maybe a little different? She just didn't...

She should have took a shower before she came. Oh. You had a stinky mom? Yeah. Oh, no. From lunchable to not so munchable. Like, what it's...

Was it like the fishy old cum smell or was it like... It smelled like... Listen to these people. I don't even have to say it anymore. You're out of control. Can we get a collective red band?

What'd I do this time? Wow. So what did it smell like? I do want an answer out of this. I'm going to stick with it. Dirty gym socks in my ball sweat. Dirty gym socks. Could I sweat. Oh, dirty gym socks. Oh, my God. Could I get one more red button from the crowd?

I didn't do anything. This is pretty good. That's pretty interesting. You guys are a good studio audience. Who would have guessed? I mean, Tony. Who would have guessed people that probably don't watch TV at all anymore are the best studio audiences? Yeah, Joel Berg.

I mean, it sounded like part of the heavy lifting of the bad smell was your ball sweat. You said it smelled like what? Dirty gym socks and ball sweat. I think you need to grow up, man. Who gives a shit what it smells like? Do you like pussy or not? Yeah, but you don't want to pull out a

band-aid or some bullshit. Whatever. I don't give a fuck. Right when you forget that Joel's Mexican, he says something like that. Pass me the hazmat. Let's fucking get into that. You know what I'm saying? How about we all meet in the middle? How about you ladies wash your fucking

pussies and we'll all go crazy forever. I don't know. Pussy that smells like fish is Joel Berg's favorite dish. All right. Holy moly. It smells like a fish. No. I like it all.

So Josh asks... So I gave it a fist. Is there a reason why you don't go by your last name at all? No, it's Josh Smith. Josh Charles Smith from Lakeside, California. I don't give a fuck. Well, Josh, thanks for coming on this show. Thank you.

Fun times. There you go, Josh Smith. From that ledge, my friend I wish that you would step back From that ledge, my friend What do you guys think? One more? Come on, huh? But this is it No matter what, this is it

Normally we don't do this I could get in my car right now, pop the top off, and fly back to L.A., but we're going to do one more comedian because why fucking not? Only because we love you. And your final comedian tonight

goes by the name of Eli Smith. Eli Smith, everybody. Here we go. This is your absolute final comedian of Eli Smith. Eli Smith, everybody. Here we go. This is your absolute final comedian of the night. He's got a very steady pace. It's Eli Smith. Here he is. Hell yeah.

Come on, one more time for your final comedian of the night, Eli Smith. Ah, fuck. I'm a little nervous. Smoked a lot of weed earlier. We got any fathers out here tonight? Any dads in the crowd? Shit.

Hell yeah, a couple. I wish I had one of those growing up. That'd be sweet. I grew up in foster care. A lot of people ask me, hey, what's it like growing up in foster care? And, you know, it's a lot like growing up. Just imagine that you're in foster care.

That's exactly how it is. Sometimes I can be too competitive. Good example, I went and got sushi with my roommate the other night. Afterwards, I was like, oh, fuck, I'm hungry. My roommate was like, yeah, I'm hungry too. I'm not disputing that, but I think I'm a little bit more hungry than you. Fuck yeah, Eli Smith. Very effective.

Getting laughs. What a great style. I like your style, man. Very distinct, slow-paced, yet silly style. That was the weed, yeah. Hell yeah. I like it. How long have you been doing stand-up? This is my first time. First time ever?

Wow. Really? That's insane, dude. That's awesome. You from around here? I've been down here for like five years, but I'm from Portland originally. What made you come down here? How'd you end up here?

Foster care. I was like... Oh, you got adopted by some rich La Jolla people? No, no, no. I grew up in foster care in Oregon, and I was like, maybe I'll change my life one day. Foster, Australian for orphan.

That's legitimate. I mean, yeah, absolutely. Jesus, that's so silly. Wow, you have so many keys for a foster child. That's incredible. Look at the size of that key ring. What do you do for work? I'm a consulting utility forester.

A what? I... Whoa, you're going to let that fucking lady talk to you like that, dude? What do you want to say to that lady? She just called you that, dude? What do you want to say to that lady? She just called you a janitor. Sorry. What do you want to say to her? She just called you a janitor.

Get her back. Get her back, Eli. Whoa, Jesus. This lady sounds angry. I really have nothing for that. Oh, yeah? I'll get her back for you. Yeah, yeah, I am a janitor,

and I'll clean your dirty pussy, you crazy bitch. janitor, and I'll clean your dirty pussy, you crazy bitch. Oh. Oh my god. Wow. We love you. That's a really small quarters here, Jeremiah. Of all the massive theaters we've

done where you never did a spit take like that. These poor people just took a cold load right to the face. Think of it as Chick-fil-A mister. I love it. Hell yeah. Everybody loves that sweet, sweet Skeeter DNA.

Eli, tell us some crazy shit about what we don't know about being in foster care or anything like that. Give us the scoop. It's not as fun as you might think. No one thinks that's fun. Yeah, I mean, how much porridge did you have to eat and shit like that?

I did eat at the soup kitchen for a while. I was homeless when I was a kid. How old? Six. Six? Until when? Until I got into foster care. Yeah.

I didn't really know. So, like, how long were you homeless for? Jeremiah, please don't spit on these people again. I don't know what's going on over there. Skeeta. It was, like, in and out of, like, living in a van in hotels. And did you have siblings that were with you at this time? Yeah, yeah, I had a couple.

How many? Well, my mom has had seven kids, so... Seven kids? That's a good sign that you probably grew up in foster care. Skeeter, put the water down. This is so stupid. These people are sitting right here. He's spitting on people's faces.

In his defense, it is the cleanest mouth in the band. That is true. It's mostly boogers. Seven kids. I mean, you ever talk with her about this? A little bit. You stay in contact with her? Some of them.

Yeah, just some of them. With some of your siblings? Yeah, a good sum of them. Yeah, just some of them. With some of your siblings? Yeah, a good sum of them. Other ones you get, what happens? You just, they cut you off? No, some are a little bit crazy. Yeah? Like what's something crazy that one of your brothers and sisters have done?

Oh, God. One of my brothers is schizophrenic, so he does a lot of weird shit. Okay. That's a great of weird shit. Okay. That's a great mental health analysis right there. Like, we know what schizophrenic is. Is there any good examples from his case at all? You know, he ever fucking climb a tree and aim a gun at a congressman or anything like that? No, not that.

anything like that? Nah, not that. One time he got arrested and he thought it was like robot cops that took him to a spaceship. But really, he went to jail. Alex Jones fan, huh?

I guess so. That's interesting. What's your life like now, Eli? What do you do now? I'm a consulting utility forester. You live by yourself? No, I have a roommate. He's here tonight somewhere.

Oh, wow. Look at that. It's like the brother that you can still keep in contact with. That's true, yeah. Heck yeah. Oh, stop making that noise. Oh, of course. It's the guys that didn Heck yeah. Stop making that noise. Of course, it's the guys that didn't like William that make that noise.

People with backwards senses of humor is over here. Fuck this guy. I don't fucking get it. So what's your job exactly? What do you do in your job? So technically I do fire mitigation for the power companies, but I just tell people that we're going to trim their trees.

Oh. So you really have climbed a tree. I have, yeah. I'm a certified arborist. Wow. That's a cool fact. My goodness. It's crazy.

Now you're an arborist. It's crazy. Now you're an arborist. Once the almost aborted, now the aborer. Yeah. My mom would never be able to afford an abortion, so I lucked out on that. You just get a stick, and you put it in there and wiggle it around a little.

Oh, my God. Red Band, what is happening? Jesus Christ, red band. To get you some type of outlet or something like that. Somewhere where you can get all this dirty stuff off your chest. The Asian girl up front. Whoa, look at that.

Heck yeah. Can't joke about Asian people anymore. I don't know if you know this. You can't even say that you know an Asian person anymore or else you'll never work again. What's your least favorite race? Dealt with a lot of kids in foster homes. Let's talk about it, Eli.

Eli. Yeah, I don't know. You don't know? Let's say you were a character. Let's say you were a character, right? And the character is a guy who is way too honest.

You're playing that character and action. What's your least favorite race? Um, I don't know that I have a least favorite race. One time I, uh, dated a Mexican chick though, and it didn't go well. Jesus. I call it my, uh, it was all for that, huh? What? We don't, we have no idea what he was saying. Go ahead. You went with the Mexican chicken, what? She was pretty crazy.

I call it my six-night Mexican standoff. Jesus, tell us more, Eli. What the fuck? Yeah, I really like this honest character. How many kids did she have? None, but I knew her for like six days and she wanted to have a kid and I was like, that's too crazy for me. Yeah, so you ran away.

You left her alone like your parents did to you. Yeah. Comedy. That's so funny, Eli. I'm going to tell you this. First time set, one of the best first time sets ever

in the history of this show. And I'll tell you what, we do this, we're doing this quarterly now. The next one that I know of, maybe there'll be one before it, who knows, but the next one is going to be

somewhere in the month of March and I think that you should continue to do stand-up comedy and we'll give you a minute on that show. The first one. We'll get a little update. We're starting them off here.

We're going to get a little update episode in a couple months. Hopefully it sticks with it, but the next show that we do here, you get a guaranteed minute. It's got to be a new minute, and we'll talk about your new comedy career, okay? There goes Eli Smith, everybody! Boom. Look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebel. He did it.

He drew this while you guys were sitting there doing nothing. Look at this. Ryan J. Ebel. He did it. He drew this while you guys were sitting there doing nothing. Look at this. Ryan J. Ebel. Look what he did. Look at that. Get up there. Look at this. Look at it.

Show these people. Ryanjebel.com for prints. He's got a bunch of posters with him. We'll sign them if you get one. We'll be right out there in just a minute signing things, taking pictures, whatever you guys want. A bunch of fun dates coming up. Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Australia, Dallas next

week. I still think there's some tickets available for that, crazy enough. It's like our fifth time in Dallas this year, so who would have guessed we may be hitting a wall on going to Dallas in 2019. That's a crazy fan base, just like lovely La Jolla. Thank you guys so much for coming out here.

A lot of fun stuff coming up. How about a hand for the great and powerful Skeeter, Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. Brrrah, brrrah. Hey, we've got Kill Tony Band calendars, the Skeeter and the crew. Ropesnake is out there on the calendar. And I've got the Bison T-shirts,

Jeremiah Wonder T-shirts is all out there come see us we love you how about a hand for Chroma Chris everyone there he is Chroma what did you think about tonight's episode you make another good one man oh Jesus also shout out to Ernie Ball

Ernie Ball guitar strings the best in the business and how about that we have Ludwig's very own Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everybody. He's on social media, mostly sorry. Joel, anything else? I love you guys. Let's hope this blood thing works

out. I think everything is going to be just fine. La Jolla, we love you guys so much. An unbelievable time. Thanks a lot, guys. One of my new favorite things is coming down here and getting to do these shows with you guys. So thank you. Thank you so much. We love you.

Good night, everybody.リースな気分 追いしめて 輝くヘルム 憧れて 素敵さ その渡れ ご視聴ありがとうございました。 you