KILL TONY - KILL TONY #411

Episode Date: November 7, 2019

Moshe Kasher, Bonnie McFarlane, David Lucas, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 11/04/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and you are listening to Kill Tony. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions to the show. And if you click on tour dates,

you can come see us live. November 7th, we're going to be in Washington, D.C. The first show sold out, so we added a second show, and it's almost sold out. November 10th, we'll be at the Gramercy Theater in New York. December 12th, we'll be in Columbus, Ohio at the Newport Music Hall. December 14th, we'll be in Pittsburgh at the Rex Theater. December 15th, we'll be in Cleveland at the House of Blues.

Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. at the Rex Theater. December 15th, we'll be in Cleveland at the House of Blues. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates. ShopSquad.tv, that's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. There you have the new Kill Tony shirt. You also have some hats, some Death Squad shirts, and a bunch of stuff. That's ShopSquad.tv. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website,

TonyHinchcliffe.com. There, Tony Hinchcliffe dot com. There you have his own stand up comedy tour dates, some merchandise. Go to Tony Hinchcliffe dot com. And last but not least, Ryan J. Ebelt, the house artist. He has a new Kill Tony book. It's on Amazon or Ryan J. Ebelt dot com.

And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the real famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hatchclap. Fuck yeah. Monday night live from the Comedy Store. You guys ready to do this shit? Yowie wowie. The great Brian Redband's here everybody. Yowie wowie. Hell yeah. We're doing it again.

Look at this. It's Ryan J. Ebelt over there with his prints. Ryan throw me one of those books. Where'd the books go? We're supposed to have a book up here. The new book, Kill Tony Volumes 1 and 2, the second and third Kill Tony books that have ever been made, are for sale now.

You can get them on Amazon. Go to ryanjebelt.com. Every single episode he's drawn is in that right there. Every single episode, every single tour poster, every single everything. If you're a real fan of Kill Tony, no better Christmas gift or Thanksgiving gift or birthday gift than Kill Tony the book. It's a picture book. A lot of our fan base doesn't know how to read, so we made it easy for you.

We're back on the road again. This week, it never ends. We're back on the road again. This week, it never ends. We're going to D.C., two sold-out Kill Tonys and four stand-up comedy shows that I'll be headlining with guest spots with all your favorite cast members of the show. And then we're straight into New York again. I just left New York yesterday, and now I'm going back there on Sunday because we are doing the Gramercy Theater for the third time this year.

That's a big deal. That's a big deal. And then Columbus, Ohio at the Newport Music Hall, December 12th. Pittsburgh at the Rex Theater, December 14th. And Cleveland, the 15th of December at the House of Blues. Ryan J. Ebel is the book. And Jeremiah is headlining too. The little baby boy is all grown up. He's going to Huntington Beach, St. Louis, Kansas City, Chicago, and San Diego. Go to jeremiahwalkins.com for tickets. He's in New York tonight.

So that's fun stuff. He will be missed deeply on this amazing episode of this show. However, let's go onward and upward. Shout out to our friends at Nitro Cold Brew Coffee, Caveman Coffee. My favorite drink. I literally drink it. Watch. Look at him drink. Oh, I drink it all day

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of fun stuff's happening. We have an amazing team of people that we work with here. You know, the whole thing it's all a big deal. We have an unbelievable team. Six and we work with here. You know, the whole thing, it's all a big deal. We have an unbelievable team, six and a half years in the game. We are at over 400 episodes of the show. We are approaching episode 420 very quickly, which I'll tell you right now, keep an eye on when episode 420 is and being here because I might have a little something up my sleeve for that one.

Doug Benson? No, not Doug Benson. I don't know why you would say that, because now I just shot down Doug Benson. Now it looks like I don't like Doug Benson, so that's a weird thing. You know, picking people to be guests on this show isn't easy. I do it myself.

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You guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? This is very exciting. As always, two of the best comedians in the world are going to sit up here all night with us and be amazing guests on this show. They always are. They've both been on before. I present to you two of my favorite comedians on the planet,

the great Moshe Kesher and Bonnie McFarlane. Just the two of us, the two of us Yeah Welcome to the show The Endless Honeymoon Podcast He's at Portland Helium the weekend before Christmas It's Moshe Kesher everybody Hi

Natasha Leggero's going to be with him because they are husband and wife That's true How's life going Moshe? It's with him because they are husband and wife. That's true. How's life going, Moshe? It's good. Actually, speaking of husband and wife, when you posted this thing that it was going to be with Bonnie, one of the comments was like, is he wife swapping now? I'm like, what a troglodyte fucking idiot. She's a wife.

That's a wife. He must be fucking that. I think he must be tapping that. I cannot picture Rich and Natasha together for five seconds. I thought about it today because I thought it would be a funny wife swap. But then you and Rich are both like sober Jews. It wouldn't be that different for us. You don't think I'm very different than Rich Voss?

I knew you were going to be offended by that. No, I'm not offended. I'm just vibe-wise. You have five less rings than he does. You were going to be offended by that. No, I'm not offended. I'm just vibe-wise. You have five less rings than he does. The great Bonnie McFarlane is taping her new album,

Three and a Half Stars, November 9th at The Stand. So if you're in New York, November 9th, that's the night before we're at the Gramercy Theater. Why not kill two birds with one stone that weekend? Have a fun comedy weekend. Check her out on November 9th at The Stand, and then we'll see you at the Gramercy the next night. My wife hates me with Rich Voss

is the podcast and you killed it at the Voss roast. I always say that's my favorite roast that I had nothing to do with that's ever happened. Vossroast.com to check that out. Bunch of the best New York comedians going at it. Actually writing and preparing jokes on like a lot of these LA fucking

dweebs. You know what I mean? Some real New Yorkers just busting each other's balls. I love it. So you guys are both here. We're going to have a lot of fun. I don't know if you guys know this, but there's a band on the show. How many of you know about the band? Some of you. Some of you know about the band.

How about that guy in the back with the bright red hair? You know about the band, sir? You do. Thank you. They are the best damn band in the land. Every single episode, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They got ready tonight in a separate dressing room. Maybe it's the return of some of our favorite characters. Maybe it's brand new characters we've never seen before.

Let's all find out together what we're dealing with tonight. I present to you the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Chroma Chris, and Jetski Johnson. Whoa. Look at this. They're blind. Oh, my goodness.

Wow. How exciting is this? All right. All right. Hell is this? All right. All right. Hell yeah. All right. Let's get direct these people to their seats, David. This is a debacle. The physical gag only lasts about two seconds with this one. There you go. We get it. They're blind. Hell yeah. Absolutely. I love this. Heck yeah. This is very exciting. This is the first time I believe we've ever had blind people on this show. Clearly the band leader tonight is a blind what appears to be Hillary Clinton. Who said that?

Hey. I am Phyllis Watkins, Jeremiah's sister. That's right. Phyllis Watkins is here. If Jeremiah is out. I went right. Phyllis Watkins is here. If Jeremiah's out, the... I went blind from masturbating too much. I love it. And next to you, we have

the great Chroma Chris, looking better than ever here tonight. Chroma, what's going on? My name is John. John Cena. John Cena. Oh, John Cena. That's funny because you're blind.

I got that one. And then, wow, all right. Clearly back here we have what appears to be a guy that will do anything to not get deported. I didn't realize I crossed the border, officer. How you doing, pal? I'm doing well. Tony, the politically correct term is visually impaired. I love it.

Is there anybody in this room right now? I can't... Yeah, they're here. If you did a joke or something, you'd probably be able to hear them. This is very good. Did someone tell you guys that blind people all dress like they're from the 40s or something like that? Honestly, I don't know what I'm wearing right now.

I just want to say if you're listening to the podcast, so am I. Hey, I love this. Phyllis Watkins crushing the game. So here we go. This is the first time we've had blind people as the band. Am I correct? That would be correct, Tony. Wow, that's very cool.

I always love new characters. So we have the blind people. We have Moshe, Bonnie, Brian Soundboard, which brings me to this, everybody. Look at this. It's the Bucket of Destiny. Yeah, we acknowledge you already. Bunch of comedians signed up for the chance to do 60 seconds on this stage and then get interviewed by me and this illustrious panel of amazing comics and blind band members.

You know how it works. If you pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted, live on the Comedy Store main stage, streaming to thousands watching around the world. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the one and only angry West Hollywood bear. There you go. Absolutely. Very good.

You guys ready to start the show? This is it. Kill Tony live. The Comedy Store. The ads have been read. Now it's time for it to be set. And the first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds here tonight

goes by the name of Ahmed Mamau. Here we go. Ahmed Mamau. Here he go. Ahmed Mamau. Here he is. One more time for Ahmed, everybody. Yeah, I'm here from Norway, everybody. Fun to be here in L.A. It is true.

A weird thing happened in LA. It is true. A weird thing happened in Norway. I was invited, a friend of mine, who was a lesbian, not to brag, but she likes vaginas. I do as well. So she invited me to a place where it was a gay club, and I'd never been to a gay club.

So right before I went in, the bouncer was really mean to me. I was going in, he was like, no, you're going in there? I was like, yeah, yeah. He was like, what kind of place is this? And I was like, ah, I know what it is. He was like, what kind of place? And I freaked out, so I didn't know what to say.

I don't want to say gay club, but it's like, is that politically incorrect, right? So he was like, what kind of place is this? I was like, yeah, I know. What kind of place is this? Hey, we call it one of those homosexual houses, I don't know. And he was like, what are you going to do in there? And I wanted to be funny.

So I said, I'm going to go in there and convert everybody to Islam. And he didn't like that. And so the last thing, he said, you know what goes on in there? And I was like, no, I don't. He was like, you should figure it out. And I don't have more time. But it was fun being here. Hell yeah.

You're absolutely right. Ahmed Namal. I don't think I've ever seen someone so eloquently cut off the West Hollywood bear. You were literally milliseconds away. That was very smooth. Thanks, bro. Now, I actually know you, correct? We met in London, England?

Yeah, we did, yeah. When I was doing stand-up, or you were on Kill Tony? I was on Kill Tony, yes. That's right, absolutely. Live from the Bloomsbury Theater. Welcome to LA. Wait, do you travel around the world

trying to get on Kill Tony? Yeah, probably, yeah. No, I just accidentally walked in here, and I was like, no, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I do that. Yeah, mocha. You sound rich. You rich? Yeah, yeah.

Right, yeah. The blind guy knows. Yeah, he can smell the money from my pockets. Tony, I don't know what happened, but this darkness came over the stage right now. Wow. My goodness. I'll tell you, when I heard the name Ahmed Mamau, I was like, he must be Norwegian. That's what I thought.

Gotta be. Yeah, you are not a typical Norwegian. Am I correct? What's the percentage of, what would we call that? Are you considered, I guess you're not African-American. You know what I mean? What do they call you? African-Norwegian?

They call you African-Norwegian? No, just call me. Hey, you guys. The black. What is this? Is it sloth from the Goonies? Hey, you guys. Hey, but there's not enough people in Norway.

So it's just, hey, you guys. Yeah, that was supposed to be the joke. But yeah. Oh, wow. Way to take shots at someone getting laughs on stage. Maybe in Norway they don't get laughs at the end of the jokes. I don't know how it works. They applaud, right?

More applause there. I've performed in Sweden before, which is like Norway's gay cousin, right? Something like that, yeah. I performed in Norway once. I performed in Sweden before, which is like Norway's gay cousin, right? Something like that, yeah. I performed in Norway once. I performed in Bergen. And when they found out I was Jewish, all the local comedians got super excited. And they were like, oh, awesome, you're a Jew? Come downstairs.

Come downstairs. And downstairs in the basement of the venue, they were like, this basement? They used to torture the Jews in here during the war. I was like, cool, tourists. I was like, what the fuck? And then they pointed across the street, and there were swastikas on the latticework. Did you put those up, Mahmoud? Sorry for that.

I didn't know you were going to be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. So you are rich. You're from Norway. How old are you? I can't tell. You seem like you could be 21.

You're the most confusing person I've ever seen in my life. It is incredible. Nothing makes sense about it. You seem like you could be 21. You're the most confusing person I've ever seen in my life. It is incredible. Nothing makes sense about it. The other thing that was confusing was that the guy at the gay bar was like, this guy's too straight looking. I better make sure he knows. He's in baby blue.

He's got his pants all pegged. Very gentle. But maybe in Norway, this is the most masculine person there. You never know. Yeah, I'm actually... Now listen, lumberjack, you sure you know what you're getting into? I also like the fact that the kitten meowed and you're like,

oh, just a little bit, I just have to finish this one off. And you kept going and then were like, actually, I'm out. I'm not going to... I was like, you should have just stopped. You had a big pop. You had it. Yeah, I'm out. I'm not going to. I was like, you should have just stopped.

You had a big pop. You had it. Yeah, I had it, but now I lost it. So now you'll have to go to another country and find Tony. Yeah, that's right. See if he'll fuck you in the green room. New York, maybe. Who knows?

I'm touring with you, Tony. I'm touring. Are you going to be in New York? Nah. What are you doing in L.A.? Are you allowed in New York? What I'm doing, I'm trying to be in New York? Nah. What are you doing in L.A.? Are you allowed in New York? What I'm doing, I'm trying to do open mics and stuff, and I'm trying to get that sweet, sweet fame and stuff.

Fame. Fame, that's what you're doing it for. Yeah, she gets it. She knows fame. How long have you been in L.A.? Four days. Four days. Yeah.

How long are you going to stay here? Till Sunday. Till Sunday. And then where do you go? What. And then where do you go? What? And then where do you go? Back to Africa. No, back to Norway.

What are they telling the comedians in Norway? Like, go to L.A. for a week. You will get famous. It'll happen. Yeah, something like that. Is stand-up comedy popular there? They have like Norway's Got Talent or something like that? Yeah, they have Norway's Got Talent.

Have you ever been on it? No, I don't want to do that. Has anyone ever told you that there is Norway, you're going to make it? No. Wow. I can't believe that works every time this guy's on the show, Joel. So that's fun. How old are you again? I didn't get an answer. You look like you could be anywhere between 23 and Johnny Cochran.

I'm 28. 28 years old. Hell yeah. How about a girlfriend, anything like that? No, nothing? How about your last date? What was that like? You on any of the dating apps or anything like that? No, a chick slid into

my DMs and I slid into her vagina. Whoa, Jesus Christ. Oh my God. You made it sound like rape. Yeah. He went to grab the mic stand and missed. That was beautiful.

Who's blind? So a chick slid into your DMs. You hook up with mostly white girls in Norway? Yeah. But mostly there are more white girls than white girls. Oh, we know there's more white girls in Norway. Yes, absolutely. Wow.

You have a special kind of... Are they all blonde? They tend to be blonde there, right? There's other colors. There's other colors. I like that. What do you do for work? I work with IT.

What do you do for IT? Support. But I speak Norwegian. And your parents are rich. No, I'm just rich. But it's like more because the society is more like everybody gets paid more. So he's like,

I'm not rich, bitch. I'm Norwegian. That's pretty normal there. That's pretty normal. Yeah. You guys kind of are rich there though, right?

You have oil. Everybody there has a lot of money and they're all happy, right? Yeah, that's how it works. You have more money, you have more happier. Well, don't condescend to me, motherfucker. Tell me how life works. That's actually how life works. I'm a Jew.

We invented that whole system. Have you ever experienced any racism in Norway, being probably one of the only black guys there? Good question. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like what happened? Last time was a car drove by and called me the N-word. Norway!

Well, Ahmed, you did it, dude. You made it to the Mecca. This is it. The Comedy Store Main Room. Congratulations. Ahmed Mamau, everybody. He's on social media at Ahmed.MJAU. Ahmed.MJAU? What's that handle, Ahmed?

What? Ahmed.MJAU? Okay, no, that's not what it says. That's not what you wrote. Yeah, give it up. Just don't even bother doing this. What is that in Braille? Really good at promotions.

Okay, pulling another name out of the bucket. You guys having fun yet? You get the show? That guy's from Norway. Anything can happen. That's the whole point. The best adventures are the ones we share. So explore together with the 2023 Defender 130,

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Contact your Land Rover authorized dealer for details. Want to travel the world? International Experience Canada provides opportunities for young Canadians to get a work permit in over 35 countries and territories. Visit Canada.ca slash IEC. A message from the Government of Canada. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Robert Scott. Robert Scott. Do you see what I see?

It's blind people music. We're having fun on a Monday. Here comes Robert Scott. So good. One more time for Robert Scott. Hi. I'm the guy you swipe left on. Growing up in the

Midwest, I feel like I've been country blind to the LA lifestyle. It's frustrating. It took me two years to find out Tahos weren't sold at Mexican restaurants on Tuesdays. My hilly-billy dyslexia es no bueno But it's a good dumb though, not a dumb dumb Those suckers are awful

It's the kind of dumb country blindness that dropped me into a situation where I found out Tranny is not the name of a hot rod Although some go by that name She went by cocktail The blindness got me again. I thought it was past this. It's the kind of dumb contrabundance that oh, damn it, damn it, damn it.

Sorry. I did not. Thank you, thank you. There you go. There's a minute. Robert Scott. Do you hear the laughter? Robert Scott, I loved it. You know why? Because I love shit that sucks.

I mean, I just embrace it on this show after a world traveler like Ahmed comes up here and works jokes out, you come up and you just took chances. You know what I mean? That's all you did. Living life on the edge. Thank you. It's my best one. I mean, that Tahoe joke, if we could make a compilation of some of the worst jokes ever told on this show, I guarantee you that would be all time blooper real. I wrote it backwards. I should have done the blooper reel. I wrote it backwards.

I should have done the first one first. You did it backwards. All right. Do it again. How many of you want to hear it the right way, huh? Do you hear what I hear? I thought it was past this. Robert Scott.

I thought it was past this. My parents came to visit. I wanted to be a good son, take him to a show. We get there and I realize RuPaul's Drag Race is not a motorsport. I can't win. My parents have been avoiding me like the next election. I'm still going to the bathroom. Oh, my goodness.

I wish I was deaf instead. I think you're right, though. I think joke order was the problem with that set. Absolutely. No, I did actually. There was one admirable thing about your set, which was, I mean, the whole thing was admirable. It takes courage to do stand-up comedy always, especially when you can't do it.

Absolutely. I was impressed that you went from such an innocent joke, like, dumb, dumb, I hate those suckers, to just a hardcore transgender joke. I just thought, I didn't see that coming at all. I was like, this guy's doing lollipop humor.

He's just like, who's this tranny? That was one thing I thought was cool. Moshe, you didn't see that coming. How do I was like, this guy's doing lollipop humor. He's just like, who's this tranny? That was one thing I thought was cool. Moshe, you didn't see that coming. How do you think I feel? Thank you. Yeah, that's a funny one. This ain't the kind of drag race I thought I was going to. I love it.

What part of the Midwest are you from? Indiana. Indiana. All right. That explains a lot. One of the worst places ever. He did not like Fort Wayne. Literally, it's funny you mention that. Literally told my manager today. I never have these douchey LA talks where I'm like, hey, I talked to my manager. I literally told my manager today, put Fort Wayne on the list with Rochester and Albany. I'm never going there again.

The third city has been added. Fort Wayne, you are permanently blacklisted from me ever performing there or Kill Tony in any capacity. And it's because of people like you. Thank you. There's a Rochester, Indiana, actually. Huh? There's a Rochester, Indiana. Yeah, I'll never be there either.

Upstate New York is hot death, but Buffalo isn't the absolute worst. They do have a helium there, and I love helium. I love the owner of helium. He books me at great heliums, like the Portland helium where Moshe Kesher's going to be the weekend before Christmas with Moshe Kesher. And if you like food-based puns or anti-trans

puns, you'll love my opener that weekend. Where can I find one of those delicious tacos? Did I miss it? I don't get it. Taco. It's taco. I'm from the Midwest. I'm a big dummy. I didn't realize that

a Tahoe wasn't a tortilla-based food or whatever. You ever been to Lake Taco? It was so bad my memory won't even let me remember the joke. I have it all out of order, which probably ruins everything. How did it go again?

Tell us the Tahoe joke one more time. It's my absolute... How many of you want to hear the Tahoe joke one more time? Oh, my God. How many of you out there love watching people bomb on this show? This is like every comedian's... Maybe not you. Every comedian's nightmare. not you every comedian's

nightmare that to like get up and bomb hard and then have some the host just go like repeat that repeat that one that failed before i thought we were gonna get it the first time then he switched directions did that drag race joke tried to save himself but i want the tahoe joke let's do it one more time last tuesday sorry i you. You definitely don't need this part either. I love the header on it. Just like, last Tuesday. That'll come back later. Well, Tuesday's part of the joke. Oh, it is!

Tahoe Tuesday. I still don't understand the Tahoe part. It's even worse than I thought it was. Okay, go ahead. Let's hear it one more time So last Tuesday Last Tuesday let's see here Come on try to rewrite it

Make it better I don't think you want to start with last Tuesday Because you got to say At first I thought you just Fucked up the word taco And I felt bad for you But now that I know it was prepared Go fuck yourself.

You gonna do it for us one more time? Yeah, but I can't say Tuesday, right? Yeah, so you can say Tuesday. I just, I was just writing the joke for you, even though I have no idea what the joke is. Do it your way. Do it the way you did it the first time. That's the version we want. We don't want a better version.

People are animals out here. Look at this. They want blood. It took me two years. You know what? At the end of it, when you do it the first time. That's the version we want. We don't want a better version. These people are animals out here. Look at this. They want blood. It took me two years. You know what? At the end of it, when you do it this time, can you slit your throat with the sword afterwards at the end? Not your wrist. That'll take too long. You need a good beheading. The sounds are better. The wrist, it's just like, ah, fuck.

I have minutes left to live. A good throat slicing is like... You ever hear someone after getting their throat I have minutes left to live. A good throat slicing. You ever hear someone after getting their throat slit? No, not yet. Yeah, this whole thing just opens up. It's a Tahoe instead of taco. I was working with this Hispanic guy at a factory, and that's kind of how I got that joke.

I thought you were doing the joke. You keep teasing me. No, I love the back story. No, yeah, right. Inside thought you were doing the joke. You keep teasing me. I love the backstory. Inside the actor's studio for us. The Easter egg. What a tease. Just because he was Hispanic, you thought he said taco?

Wait, hold on. Let him do it. Here we go. Here he is. With everyone's favorite joke of the night, Robert Scott. It took me two years to find out Tahoe's weren't sold at, oh, sorry. It's okay. Let's take it from the top again. And action.

It took me two years to find out Tahoe's weren't sold at Mexican restaurants on Tuesdays. Oh. weren't sold at Mexican restaurants on Tuesdays. The crowd goes wild, ladies and gentlemen. Now I still don't get it. Wow. So, Robert, you've been on this show before, right? Once.

What did we find out about you? Anything interesting during the interview part? Not a lot of good things. Oh, hey, look who it is. You say Tahoe three times, Mexican Beetlejuice shows up here. How about a hand for Comedy Store legend El Tocho, ladies and gentlemen? Very rarely do you get to see him on this show. Meow.

La Presidente de la Cucina. So what did we find out about you in the interview part? Any highlights? I didn't really have a good dating life, I guess. Oh, yeah? What did we find out about you in the interview part? Any highlights? I didn't really have a good dating life, I guess. Oh, yeah? What did we find out? The last girlfriend I had walked into urgent care with a sore throat and came out with a miscarriage.

Oh, my God. That's right. Now that's the kind of funny stuff you need to bring to the stage. Absolutely. That's it. You've got to write a joke about that. There's a dick-sucking joke in there somewhere, but I just haven't figured it out

yeah I haven't found the right pun to ruin it alright well Robert we had fun with you you know that's one of the fun things about this show a guy like you comes on and you know you struggle but you come back next time and we're all gonna laugh about how you had one of the worst jokes in the history of the show and look at you now

you fixed it and it's all better now but that'll be next time hopefully if you come back sign up and get pulled out of the bucket again Robert Scott everybody he's on social media at white space all one word w h i t e space how about a big hand for the band

sounding unbelievable tonight? Brian and I had a little giggle over here talking about how we need to teach Jeremiah how to play the trumpet. Yeah, isn't it? Because it is such a superior sounding instrument. So much nicer on the ears. To the ragged saxophone that he plays. It's unbelievable. Cut that out.

Crikey. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys having fun out there? Let's do it. Let's keep it moving along. Nancy Raven, everybody. Nancy.

Nancy Raven. Wow, that's a great name. One more time for Nancy Raven. Thanks, guys. Yeah, my name's Nancy. My dad was going to name me Natalie, but when it came out of the womb, he was like, God damn, that baby looks old so called me nancy instead

it was my dad's birthday the other day and i took a selfie with him and he wasn't smiling and i was like dad why aren't you smiling and he goes because i'm sick of the bullshit i was just like oh happy birthday love you he is getting old though he just had a heart transplant uh he almost died it was really scary because uh I didn't know who was gonna change the oil in my car you know so thank god he survived he was talking to me and he was like nanny it's really crazy to think that I have a stranger's body part inside of me and I I was just like, I know what that feels like. Who knew we had so much in common? I don't know why, but every guy I'm attracted to

looks like he's about to ask me for $5. That's it, guys. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Nancy Raven. Wrapped up like another runner in the night. Nancy Raven. Wrapped up like another runner in the night. Nancy Raven, welcome to the show. This is your first time on the show, correct?

This is my first time, yes. Heck yeah, awesome. How long have you been doing stand-up? Like a year and a half. Year and a half, all of it here in Los Angeles? L.A., O.C. I live in Long Beach, so. Okay.

Long Beach. Okay, there you go. Represent. Snoop Dogg. Yeah yeah we know we know sonya wet just performed at my high school wow yeah oh there you go there you go good claim to fame good old sunday services right goodness yeah literally did you go to it no i found out after the fact but i still thought it was cool Heck yeah. And what do you do for work? I do social media marketing, video editing. It's a small company, so a lot of hats. A lot of hats.

Okay. Very cool. And, well, that's fun. Your dad had a heart transplant. When did that happen? Yeah, he did. Like three, four years ago. Yeah.

Yeah, he's still here. Still here. My car is still doing well. What do you think made his heart give out? A lot of disappointment from you? Yes. Definitely. He got a new heart and he still loves you? Yeah.

That's exactly what plummeted his heart into. Yeah. Mom's still around? No, she. Yeah. Mom's still around? No, she's not. She's not. I have a short life ahead of me is what we're saying. What happened to your mom? This is getting so depressing.

No, no, no. We're into this. Go ahead. We love it. Oh, God. She had a brain hemorrhage when I was eight. So, yeah. Wow. There's a lot of. Oh, my goodness. Oh, God. She had a brain hemorrhage when I was eight, so, yeah. Wow. There's a lot of...

Oh, my goodness. Oh, God. Help. Wow, when you were eight, that must have been hard. It's fine. You've turned out terrific. I've turned out great, you guys. You did it.

You're doing it. Life's good. Life's good. Dad's healthy. Life's good. Life's good, yeah. I love it. Life is good.

When you do stand-up comedy, do a lot of guys hit on you? It's a very incestual business. I mean, sometimes, but I would say not an overwhelming amount. Yeah. You single? Yes. Yes. Wow.

Look at that. Amen. You seem like the kind of lady that would hook up with Norwegian-looking guys. Where is he? Yeah, or a guy who would take you to make taco? There he is! He actually is about to ask you for $5. How'd you see him in the audience?

I'll give you $10 if you take me up. Hell yeah. I like that. What type of guys are you into? When you say that they look like they're about to ask you for $5. I think just grungy. I like grungy guys. Not pretty boys. I don just like grungy. I like grungy guys. Not pretty boys. Right. I don't like the chiseled

dad bods. I see what you're saying there. I see what you're getting. I see exactly what you're insinuating. Pretty boys, chiseled, wearing a black hoodie, hosting the show. You know what I mean? I get it. I understand what you're saying. You're not her type. I prefer the dad bods.

Wow. Uh-oh. Look at this. Uh-oh. You ever been to the ice house before? You ever? I'm like a man that's working the controls, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. You're into that, huh? You like having sex with a hot dumpster fire?

She's like, I guess if I were to say my perfect type, it's a guy who plays an air horn when I mention my deepest trauma. I love it. Wow, Nancy. How often do you come up to Los Angeles to perform? I've been to Kill Tony like four or five times, but I come up to L.A. like semi-frequently. I'm more in Orange County, but I still come up here. I love it.

What do you do for fun when you're not doing stand-up comedy? You seem like you have fun hobbies. Axe throwing, anything like that? Axe throwing? No, not axe throwing. But I don't know. I like to go to music festivals. I like to travel. I like to cook. I ran a half marathon. Alright, slow it down. Slow it down here.

Where do you travel to? I went to Europe last year. Oh, so hashtag basic. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. I can't see her. I don't know. It's just from what I heard.

I lived in Colombia for six months. Oh, shit. You and every white woman. Is that less basic? Hashtag woke. Awesome. Woke and basic. You like cocaine, huh?

No comment. Yeah. Oh, you're a coke head. Oh, shit. Wait a minute. This interview just took a cokehead. Oh shit, wait a minute. This interview just took a great turn. No! Wait, hold on. You lived in Colombia for six months.

I taught English there. You lived in Colombia for six months. You like going to music festivals. Your mom's dead. You're addicted to cocaine. There's no question. Absolutely. But you taught a language you barely speak? You taught English? You don't know me. That's what you did there?

Yes. You taught English for cocaine? Yeah, that's how they paid me. That's so fun. You ever almost overdosed or anything like that? No. No. I haven't.

Isn't there enough trauma in our family? Jesus Christ. No, I've never overdosed or come close. I think you look great for a girl who lives out of her car. Thank you. Thanks. Do you really think you have a short life expectancy? I wouldn't.

I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. Longer or shorter than your dress? Hopefully slightly longer. That is a short dress. Hopefully slightly longer. That is a short dress. Well, Nancy... No, you look good. Don't. Wait, it's crazy that there's

a cocaine addict named Nancy Raven. First of all... You should have just said no, Nancy. You should have said no. I said no. I was... I said no. So you like avocados so much

you got a tattoo on your arm, I noticed. Yeah, I did. A lot of Latino guys, huh? I do, I eat one every day A Latino guy? A Latino guy What kind of toast do you put it on? Sourdough

With like a soft-boiled egg So good Okie dokie How about one more time for Nancy Raven, everybody? She did it. Killed Tony. She's on social media at Nancy underscore Raven. I got to know if that's her real last name, though.

That seems like it's a name. Well, I'm sure you'll ask her after the show. Meet in the bathroom. Hey, is that your real last name, though. That seems like it's a name. Well, I'm sure you'll ask her after the show. Meet in the bathroom. Hey, is that your real last name? Conversation style. Oppity, oppity, oppity, oppity. Hear that? That's the sound of waves crashing on a beach.

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a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Kenneth Burnett. Kenneth Burnett. One more time for Kenneth Burnett.

Make some noise, make some noise, make some noise. Kill Tony. I went to McDonald's the other day. Seen this girl, hadn't seen her in a long time. She worked there. She all excited to see me. She like, hey, Keneath, how you doing? What you doing with your life these days?

I'm like, you know, I'm just doing my little comedy thing. I'm a comedian. She like, you a comedian? I don't see you on TV I'm like bitch I don't see you on no McDonald's commercials but your ass still working here don't you go get my damn fries stop playing with me I'm in the back of McDonald's petty as hell coming up with new jingles like bada bada bada bitch go get my fries

stop playing with me. And the bad thing about it she worked at a McDonald's inside of a Walmart like get your life together don't play me. Play yourself god damn it. Heck yeah.

Kenith Burnett. Am I saying that right? What's going on, Tony? How you doing, man? Good. How are you, pal? I'm good, man. I'm so happy to be up here right now.

Heck yeah. We're happy to have you. Thank you. Thank you so much. You seem like a fun, positive guy. You should see me on Thursdays. Wow. What does that mean?

What happens on Thursdays? You should just see me on Thursdays. Wow. Jesus. Can we do a Kill Tony on a Thursday this week? Let's do it. Cosby night. We're going to be in D.C. Two shows in D.C. this Thursday.

They're already sold out. Sold out. Anyway, I'm saying that right. Kenneth. Kenneth. Kenneth. It's like Kenneth with an E. Yep.

Yep. Another E. Yeah, another E. Two E's. It's not a stage name. It's a real name, y'all. It's a real name. Did you get that name at Walmart?

Oh, you just got motherfucking roasted. And it's funny because my middle name is Cole, so it's like Keneath Cole. It's like knockoff brand. Hell yeah, it is. Now, you did a joke. You went to a McDonald's. Real shit. Inside of a Walmart.

Real shit. Did you and the girl end up hanging out at all? No, she works at McDonald's. She's not in my social circle. You do know that you're dressed like you work at McDonald's. It's all I can think of. Target.

It's incredible. You're like, this bitch. Meanwhile, you look like you just clocked out. That sounds so accurate. I'm a shift supervisor. You're a shift. Okay. What do you really do for work? I am an event coordinator at an escape room.

Yeah, man. I saw your hat. You work at 60 Out? Yeah, I do, actually. That's the best escape room company in Los Angeles. Really? Yeah, I know it is. Can I get a Out? Yeah, I do, actually. That's the best escape room company in Los Angeles. Really? Yeah, I know it is. It's like, can I get a discount?

Can you just hook me up? 40%, goddammit. Friends and family. Can you do me two favors? Hook me up with some discounts at 60 Out and also step back like four feet? I know. I'd like to escape this. It's okay.

Stand right in between and face that right now. Right in front of her. It doesn't really matter. No, just face the audience, Keneath. It's okay. Stand next between motions. This is because I'm big and black, god damn it. No, it's because you're literally swaying toward my face.

You don't think I've had a big black man's crotch swaying towards my face at some point in my life? Hey, you said it. I love it. So, Kenith, welcome, welcome to the show. How long have you been doing stand-up? A while, don't lie. I could tell by that bike technique. I've been doing this shit for off and on like nine years.

Wow, nine years. Nine years, everybody. I could tell. Off and on, off and on, off and on, off and on. Why so off and on? What's going on in your life? Well, shit, I just moved here from San Diego. I was living there for like five years, not doing shit,

just growing an afro, smoking weed, fucking bitches, working minimum wage jobs. Did you say fucking bitches or benches? Both. A little bit of both. Whatever's available. I remember when I first met you, you were like, where you from, where you from, Portland, Portland, Seattle, Portland?

And just like, I've been giving off Portland vibes ever since then. Uh-huh. When I met you, I was guessing where you're from. You probably don't remember me because I had a big-ass afro. Uh-huh. Okay. And I looked like I worked at Burger King at the time. That's why.

Look, I was working at Wendy's when we first met, okay? Oh. That's why I don't remember you. I stepped my shit up. Uh-huh. How long ago was this that we met? In San Diego. I was doing a show. No, no, no. I met you here. I snapped my shit up How long ago was this that we met? In San Diego I was doing a show

No, no, no, no I met you here I met you here like five weeks ago You were super nice to me I was telling people Hey, Tony, talk to me Tony, talk to me I was so happy and shit

Wow, look at that Was it a Thursday? It was a Monday It was a Monday That's almost like a reverse blindside The white person Anyway, alright You gonna toss it back to me? That's almost like a reverse blindside. The white person. Anyway, all right.

You going to toss it back to me, or are you just going to pretend like nothing happened? Oh, there you go. All right. Very good. There he goes. He's really struggling. I didn't see that one coming.

I love it. So, Keneath, tell us more about you. What do you do for fun? What are your habits and hobbies? Well, you know, I just kind of just committed to doing stand-up full fucking time. Other than that. Six months ago, I was rapping in San Diego for like five years. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?

I was rapping. Top 10 can. That's my shit. Look me up on Instagram. If Joel laid a little beat down, can you do a little rap for us right now? Coordinate with Joel. Fuck it, let's do it. Coordinate with Joel.

Can you give me the lights and everything? What's up? Can you, you want that beat faster or slower? It don't even fucking matter. All right. Caneath Burnett, ladies and gentlemen. I'm egotistical, yelling at you like mystical. I ain't playing no games, I ain't taking no physical.

It's top ten shit. Hotter than your stove, bitch, when you left that shit on and went on a road trip. Ooh, higher than that bill, too. I be smoking that reefer, my nigga, that can heal you. My nigga's dying in the east, so I sent that seal through. But this is a gas company, I sent a bill, too. Hand on my focus with a handful of Ritalin. One pump, four fingers tucked to the middleman.

I'm paralyzed to you, Paragaz. I ain't feeling them. Your girlfriend and I sharing eyes. Yeah, she feeling them. Wow. That was good. Wow. I actually like that.

I do this. All right. All right. That was my rap. Keneath, you go now. That's for the podcast listeners, not the viewers. I'm on musical probation so I can take comedy more serious right now. Oh, my goodness.

Self-appointed. That was really good, though. I think everybody in this comedy room agrees that you should take music more seriously. Y'all liked me. I was all right. You were great. Look at that me i was i was i was all right no you had a good time you were great look at that work at mcdonald's i was all right yeah like every great rapper you go i was all right yeah that's so it's so interesting to see someone go from doing an unbelievable freestyle rap to like come on you guys liked me right you like me that was good that was okay

right i care about when i did the jokes That was acceptable in some form, correct? I'm too respectful and I care about women too much, and that doesn't correlate to a good rap career. Do you have any good raps about how much you respect women? I do, actually. Really? I do. Can you give us a line from that?

I've never met a black white knight before. Let's do it with no beats or anything. I said I don't rap about hitting women. My pimp hand ain't strong. Honestly, I care about these hoes. I'll be like, text me when you get home. I get a text 20 minutes later like, hey, I made it. I'm like, are you physically in the house?

She's like, yes, O.L., Daddy, I made it. Wow. Wow. You know what, dude? I think I'm not Captain Save-A-Ho to these ladies, but I'm not Ali. Damn it, I'm not the greatest. Wow. You just made all the McDonald's

employees' pussies so wet. It's incredible. I just started my period. She's like, is the ho he's talking about me? This man respects me. Heck yeah. I have to remember this face Phyllis Watkins

Destroying That was beautiful I feel like Lionel Richie Heck yeah I think your rap name should be like MC Griddle Or something like that MC Delights. It's McGriddle.

It's a McDonald's. It's a McDonald's callback. I love it. Ryan Scott, that's how you do a pun-based joke with food in it. Yeah. Take notes. Go eat your fucking Tahos, bitch. He's a nice guy.

You're such a nice guy, Kenith. It just keeps showing right through. You know what? A lot of blessings in my life come from me just being kind. Oh, my goodness. This is incredible. You know, I have pretty good luck, too, and I'm a complete asshole. I mean, it's incredible.

Kenith, one time I flipped off an old lady. Wow, that is kind. I felt so bad about it because she was just trying to be nice to me because I left my coffee on top of my car and I was like pulling out and she's like, young man, young man. And I thought she was like trying to be a bitch. And I was like, fuck you, bitch. Whoa.

And then all of a sudden you saw coffee spill off your car. And I was doing a postmanmates order, so I just... I just said, fuck it, I'm horrible. And then you were like, I'm not the greatest. Wow. People saw me flick that old lady off. My goodness. That's incredible.

You're like Post Malone if you did Postmates. Can I give you some real advice? Thank you, sir. I just think you're a really talented rapper. You were funny. You had a good set. Why don't you... There's so many people trying to do stand-up that are clogging up the works at these open mics, I would imagine. Why don't you write

funny 30-second raps and do those on stage? I bet you get attention a lot quicker. You're talented. You're funny. You should do that. You can do it all. Combine your powers, Keneath. I would not not do that. I would consider doing that.

I'd write you some raps, you know what I'm saying? If you want me to rap for you before your shows, you know what I'm saying? No, no, no, no. I'm not offering you employment. I'm offering you advice. Oh. I thought you guys were using the app they were plugging. Hell yeah. No, I, no, no. I'm not offering you employment. I'm offering you advice. Oh. I thought you guys, I thought you were using the app they were plugging. Hell yeah.

No, I love it. But no, yeah, I mean. I like your idea. Rapping is fun. Rapping is fun. But my true calling is stand-up comedy. Like, I was shying away from that for years. Well, your passion is stand-up comedy.

My calling. Your calling is rap music. There's a difference between the two. You want to do stand-up comedy, and calling is rap music. There's a difference between the two. You want to do stand-up comedy and you're much, much clearly... I did open up for Bone Thirst and Harmony. You did? Oh my god.

But also, it's an illusion and I'll see you at the crossroads, but it's an illusion that rap and stand-up comedy have to be two different things. That's not true. They can be the same thing. Did you see My Name is Dolomite on Netflix? I had not seen it yet. He was a stand-up and he basically invented rap.

Rudy Ray Moore. I don't see what the difference is. I'm going to do it. Fuck it. You think I should do it? Yeah. 30 second raps. How long ago did you work with Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? I opened up for them at the Bone Thugs house. At the House of Blues in San Diego.

Oh, wow. Very cool. That was cool. That was cool. I performed for like 1,300 people. They didn't boo me. They did boo people before me. But was Bone Thugs-N-Harmony nice to you?

I mean, I didn't meet them niggas. Oh, wow. It was like two bones missing. It was barely a skeleton in there. Jesus. Seems like your funny bone was missing. It was a good time. Okay.

One more time for Keneath Burnett, everybody. There he goes. He's on Instagram at Top10Ken. All one word. Top10Ken. It's his first time on10Ken. All one word. Top10Ken. It's his first time on Kill Tony. I like him. I hope he comes back with a rap.

I hope that happens. There you go. Comes back with a funny rap. There you go. All right. Pulled another name out. Make some noise for your next comedian, Devin Clark. Devin Clark is next.

On Kill Tony. Back, back, back, back. Here we go. Where's Devin? Oh, there we go. From deep in the corner. Nice. Three blind mics. This is so good.

You would step back from that little ledge, my friend. Step back from. One more time for Devin Clark, everybody. What's up, y'all? Let's see. When somebody told me that Chick-fil-A was anti-gay, I was confused. I had something that tasted so delicious be filled with so much hate. But if somebody told me that Arby's was anti-gay, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds like Arby's.

That sounds like the Arby's I know. Arby's is terrible. Arby's tastes like they're anti-food. And for some reason, I ride the bus a lot, and for some reason, the number one thing I see people eat on the bus is Arby's. People eat that shit on the bus like it's the official bus food. And another thing I noticed is that bus drivers

are way too damn nice. They will let anybody on that damn bus. I was on a bus one time, the driver actually stopped and picked up a clown full suit and makeup at night. I'm like, driver, you picking up night clowns, man? Wow. Holy shit.

Unbelievable. 60 seconds from Devin Clark. First time on Kill Tony. He did it. That's what it looks like, pal. Heck yeah. What's up? I love it. Great performance, man. like, pal. Heck yeah. What's up? I love it. Great performance, man.

Thank you. How long you been doing stand-up? Seven years. Seven years. Absolutely. Where you from? Bay Area. Fairfield, California.

Oh, shit. Pepper Bellies. Pepper Bellies? Hell yeah. That's one of the only comedy clubs in America that got shut down because a murder happened in the club. Oh, damn. Sounds fun. You're funny. Oh, damn. Sounds fun.

You're funny. I told myself if I got pulled out of the bucket, I would do something special for the show. Oh, yeah? I wanted to reveal the dark secret on this podcast. Let's go. Hit it. I never told anybody else. When I was 21 years old,

I lost my virginity to a red-headed prostitute in Carson City. Wow. Red-headed prostitute in Carson City. What is this, a Johnny Cash song? Wow. So how old were you when this happened? 21.

21. My goodness, you were a virgin for a while. Yeah, yeah. Well, I didn't have a lot of game with the ladies. I kind of still don't. Why is that? Why didn't you have game with the ladies? Sometimes, you know, you just don't naturally have game.

It's better to have money sometimes, you know? How much did it cost? Do you remember how much it cost? I think it was $300 at the time. Wow, you got a good one. That's a lot for a redhead. Have you ever... Is this brothel inside of a Walmart?

This is incredible. Have you ever thought of moving to Norway? It was at the Mustang Ranch at the time. Because this was like 20 years ago. Because I'm 40. It was a while ago. You're 40? Get the fuck out of here.

And I was living with my parents at the time. And I had to use, it was before smartphones. I had to use the computer. So I had to do research on where the brothel was, directions to it. And when I printed it out, I actually left it in the printer. And my mom found it. You left your MapQuest directions in the printer to a brothel? Yes.

Destination and all? Yeah, it was all in there. Lefts, rights, all that shit. Oh, my goodness. And she asked me about it, of course, and I was in college, community college, and I said I was doing an essay on brothels. Wait, it was MapQuest directions? At the bottom, did it say brothel like

it wasn't it wasn't map quest i think it was google or maybe uh america online direction something old anyway uh it also had the profiles of brothels i was going to hit up and uh she asked me about it and i didn't and i told her it was for an essay and she didn't respond she just kind of looked at me and left so So I guess she bought it, but she didn't follow. No follow-up questions. Wow. Yeah, what's she going to ask you? Was that pussy good or like what?

Yeah. Yeah. That is incredible. So how's your love life now? Single. Single. Yes. But you're into chicks and everything.

Right. You just choose to you go on dates and stuff. You on any of the apps. Are you still on MapQuest? I haven't been on any dates in a while. Just kind of be focused on career and whatnot. I love it. How's that going? What you've been working on? I got I work I work in post-production. I do. I make digital cinema packages for mostly films for festivals and whatnot. And so that's fun. I watch a lot of movies. I'm a big movie junkie.

Heck yeah. And comedy, you know. I love that. I love that. What was that? Somebody screamed recommend a movie. I don't know. Raging Bull?

Star Wars? My goodness. So, I mean, I absolutely loved your joke. Yeah, I take, while audiences love jokes about Arby's, I take a little bit of offense. I am a diehard Arby's loyalist. I'm sorry. I'm from Youngstown, Ohio.

I know a lot of people are against this, but, you know, if I'm gonna eat fast food and I'm committed to feeling like shit for a few hours, I choose Arby's over almost all of them. There's something about a delicious beef and cheddar with the onion bun. Special sauce on there.

Of course, Brian is a fan of every fast food place. Except Burger King. Fuck Burger King. And every special sauce as well, right? Absolutely. But the jokes were just incredible, man. I mean, mind-boggling. You live in L.A. now?

Yes. How long have you been in L.A.? I moved back here September 3rd from Texas. I was in Texas for a while. Why'd you go to Texas? My family is out there. I'm an only child, and they needed my help, health reasons, so I came out there to help. You're like a good guy.

You got your shit together, and you're funny. What's wrong with you? Oh, he can't get laid. That's his issue. My dick don't work. I liked your turns of phrase, too. I liked the official bus food and night clown. I thought those were really... It was really good stuff.

I gotta remember this face. Oh, hell yeah. Look at that. That's the first time since he was 21 that a white girl's touched him. I went pee during his set, but I've never heard a pop like that from the other room, so it must have been great. Yeah, no, that's the type of stuff that happens when you leave the room, Joel.

It's exciting stuff. Devin, unbelievable performance. Actually, Tony, you know, I'm not in town Friday, but I do have a show. I would love to have you at the Ice House Friday. Whoa. Thank you. Thank you. Wow.

You are watching history. It's the first time in years that Brian has given a spot to someone he doesn't want to fuck. What are you talking about? I'm kidding. He seems very clean. He's on social media, all one word, Devin Clark Comedy. So you just found him here on Kill Tony. Performing this Friday at the Ice House, Devin Clark and Dead Mom Girl.

That's how they'll be remembered. I went too hard for Kill Tony. Okay, I believe I know this young lady. She's been on this show a few times. It's been a long time. Put your hands together for Dicey. Is Dicey here? It's been a long time.

We know Dicey. Love me some Dicey. Hey. Haven't heard it long ago. I know. I've been loving long ago. I know. I've been loving long ago. Dicey, everybody. Dicey.

So, white people think racism in America is over because we had a black president and a black bachelorette and little white kids be dabbing on Instagram and shit. because we had a black president and a black bachelorette and little white kids be dabbing on Instagram and shit. White people, you want to prove you're not racist with this little game of would you rather?

White people, which would you rather? Would you rather have a gay son or a daughter that only sucked black dick? Which would you rather? It wasn't rhetorical, but I mean if it helps out

any, the gay son only sucks black dick too. That's it. Hell yeah, 53 seconds. Dicey. that's it that's it hell yeah 53 seconds Dicey we love you Dicey hey Tony

you've been on this show a few times before correct yes I have it's been a long time though yes it's been a long time it's great that comedy veterans like you still sign up

and come back and keep us updated on everything everything Everything's going good? I mean, you know, it's okay. Oh, shit. What's going on? What happened? Tiffany Haddish took all your work? What's going on here? What are we talking about?

No. I went to nail school recently. I do nails. Oh, shit. For white bitches in Beverly Hills. Oh, yeah. That's good. That's good stuff. How long you been doing that for? A couple months. Okay. What have you noticed hanging out

with a bunch of rich white women in Beverly Hills? They have really big rings. And they're rude. I try to scrub off their spray tans though when they're rude. When I give them pedicures. Okay, white bitch. Can I just say, as a white woman, I don't see color.

Phyllis Watkins, here to take her brother's job away. My goodness. So, Dicey, that's what you do for work. How long have you been doing stand-up? Eight years. I just had a special come out. Oh, yeah, you did?

What did it come out on? It's on Revolt TV. It's on what? Revolt. That's Puffy's channel. Revolt? If you can find it, watch it. It's hard to find his channel, some nigger shit.

I love it. Wait, do I type that into Google? Is there an audio version? Yeah, right. It's on demand, too, so. Heck, yeah. Yeah. It's on demand. I don't know if it's in, right. It's on demand, too. Heck yeah. It's on demand. I don't know if it's in demand, but it's on demand.

So, Dicey, what you been doing for fun? Well, for fun, let's see. I've been splitting up assets with my husband. Oh, what happened? It just didn't work out, you know? Did he get the top half of the sweatshirt? Yes. It's very funny, but it is a cool look.

You're obviously awesome looking, but the joke was there and it had to be grabbed. I am attracted to you, and if I wasn't married, I'd be making a move right now. Hey, look at that. I love that. Honesty from Moshe Keshe. How long was the marriage? You guys have been married for a while, right? Well, no, we've been married for four years.

But we've been together 11 years. Can I ask what happened? I mean, I'm in a bad marriage. So I'm wondering. He's got stinky ears. I don't get when people say they're getting divorced. I'm like, how bad could ears I don't I don't get when people say they're getting divorced

I'm like how bad could it possibly get you know what I mean I'm still doing it we just didn't build anything together you know like the only thing

like an Ikea sort of thing yeah I know right one of those benches that that dude fucks all the time was there like a moment was there a part

where you realize that things aren't just slowly fade away? Or is there something that he did that you got sick of or anything like that? Well, he kept a big secret for me for a while. Don't tell us. It's all good. Thank you so much for coming up.

What? I wouldn't tell you. Oh, come on. Come on. You got to give us something here, Dicey. I can't tell you. Oh, come on. Aw, damn. Come on. You gotta give us something here, Daisy. I can't. He's not gay, and it wasn't a kid. But he had another, he had something on the side?

No. He had a little Arby's sauce. He was from Norway. Was he working at a McDonald's? No. He had a little? No. A little herpy?

No, no. We could talk about something else. Yeah, this conversation got a little dicey. Yeah. That's my name. That's my name. Don't wear it out. I love it.

I would like to, but I'm married. Have you ever been with a white guy before? Me? I have never been with a white man. Wait a minute, you're the racist one. No. I mean, I've been broke since I haven't been with a white man. Would you like to do the Ice House Friday? Oh my God.

Jesus Christ. It's only because you do nails and he knows you know a bunch of Asian women. No, seriously, I'd like to have you on the ice last Friday also. You were really great, Dicey. Heck yeah. This Friday is going to be like the movie Friday by how it's being booked so far. It's a black cast, the movie Friday.

The black people laughed at that and the white people are staring at me. Well, Dicey, another very fun, amazing performance. Thank you. I wish I knew more about the situation with the husband. I guarantee you that would have taken this whole interview to another level, but I'm going to ask you, I guess. We'll talk later.

All right. All right, I love you. I'm sorry. Good job. There you go, Dicey, everybody. From the Dice House to the Ice House. Dicey is on social media at Dicey Approved. All one word.

All right. Let's do it. We have regulars on this show, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's do it. We have regulars on this show, ladies and gentlemen. Perhaps this is the peak of our show's history for regulars. These people are absolute murderers. It's really evolved from sort of developing brand-new comics to showcasing absolute monsters

that write and perform a new minute every single week. This guy, very controversial character. Guru improviser. Has his own set style. Very different than most comedians. Most of the fans of this show either absolutely love him or hate him. So let's see what happens here

tonight. Make some noise for one of my favorite top Young Rising comedians in the world. The great William Montgomery. Here he comes. He's got a steady pace coming to this stage. Here he is. Come on, everybody. This is him live in the flesh.

The big red machine, William Montgomery. Rufio! Rufio! On the third one, y'all do it. Rufio! Rufio! On the third one, y'all do it Rufio! Rufio! I'm a big fan of Hook, Moshi It's exciting to meet you right now That messed up my set. Hold on. So I'm really excited to be here this evening.

I tend to do well in front of Japanese people. A little bit about me. I had to Urban Dictionary TTYL last night. So I've recently joined a band, we're called Smog Test. We're a Limp Bizkit cover band. So I've been trying to sleep a bunch recently. I don't really talk to a bunch of girls

when I'm awake, but when I'm asleep, I'm running game. Oh, wow. William Montgomery. Moshi, what a mess that was. Wait, I don't know. I didn't get it. Am I Peter Pan?

Is that the joke? William, explain what you meant. You think you disappeared? You look like the girl that that guy lost his virginity to. I know. That's their son. Catherine Zeta-Jones. William, what did you mean with the Moshe thing?

What were you trying to say? What were you trying to get out? Are you listening to me? Yeah, what I was, I just, I really messed up tonight. I was smoking spice out back. You were right. Wow. Why were you smoking spice?

I don't know if y'all smoke spice. I'm high on spice right now. Oh, my goodness. K2 brand spice. Wow. Horribly on edge. I was vomiting. I've tripped a couple times. You tripped like you fell over or you were tripping? Fell down some stairs.

Oh wow. That's incredible. Fell down a flight of steps. It was like five steps. I'm kicked out of my apartment. I have to move tomorrow if anybody wants to help me move. Wow that's exciting. Come up to me after the show. Wow.

All right. You did get a new place, though, right? Like, you have a new place. I did. I have a new spot. What's the new spot? It's called the Eagle's Nest. It's a...

I don't know if I believe this. I just wanted to say Eagle's Nest. No, it seems like a nice place. It's in Echo Park. We'll see how it goes. You have roommates? I have three roommates. Wow. Yeah.

Have you met them before? I know the one guy. So tomorrow you're going to move into a place and two roommates that are living at a place are going to see you walking in and you're the new roommate. And I'm going to be like, what is this? The Eagle's Nest? Is that what you call this place?

Hey, Red Band, do you mind not doing a fucking eagle noise during that? Why are you so offended by that? William, why does that bother you? Because I'm on edge. I don't know how I'm going to move my clocks, my pictures. You have multiple clocks?

I have two grandfather clocks. What? Six feet tall a piece, probably 200 pounds. How does one collect grandfather clocks? What did you just say? I have two fucking 600-pound grandfather clocks. You have more grandfather clocks than most people have living grandfathers. Yeah.

It's incredible. How did you end up with two of them? One of my grandfathers actually died two years ago in Gainesville, Florida. He had two grandfather clocks. You got them both in the will? Yeah, I got them both. He gave them both to you? Yeah, I got both of them.

Did he not like you? Get my back on this one, Michelle. Oh, yeah, back off, Bonnie. I mean, what's going on, Bonnie? Was I aggressively asking you about your grandfather clocks? Definitely the aggressive energy is coming from you right now. Yeah, what's going on? I just don't understand why people would fucking have two grandfather clocks.

And not one shirt that fit. Oh, sorry. I went on her side. I'm sorry. I bought this from Land's Inn last week. Wow. My goodness, William. Wow. So how do you know the one guy that you're moving in with?

He helped me move right when I moved here from Denver, Colorado. I literally lived down in Compton for five days. It was scary. I drank with a man named Daniel in the garage. He seemed nice. But yeah, Jody really helped me. I'm looking forward. Jody's going to help me tomorrow.

He does mushrooms a bunch. He smokes a bunch. He speaks in rhymes. But I think he's going to be able to help me out tomorrow. That Rufio thing you did at the top of your set, is that a soccer chant or something like that? I don't know what that was. I didn't recognize that.

It was a chant from Memphis University School, the high school I went to. Me and Alex Rayner would go along to all the lunchroom tables and be like, when you hear the shh noise, make the shh noise, and everybody would do it. And then on the third Rufio, everybody would yell out Rufio. I feel like you just lied to me. No.

Is this true about the Limp Bizkit cover band Smog Test? It is. What instrument do you play? I play the bass guitar. You do? Have you ever played bass guitar before joining this band? William? Tony, I am so sorry.

The spice is really hitting me right now. Well, there you go. I'm totally lying. I don't know how to play the bass guitar. I'm on edge right now, to say the least. There you go. From the spice house to the ice house. There you go.

The great William Montgomery, everybody. He did it again. We're flying through it now. See the rain. Hey! Oh, no. Oh. All right.

Well, we have one other regular on this show known for his aggressive roasting style and incredible joke-writing capabilities. Make some noise for him. It's another one of our favorite humans in the world. The great David Lucas, everybody. Here we go. Here we go.

Here he is. David Lucas, everybody. Yeah. I had to go to jail for a few days and shit. And I didn't know you're not supposed to eat the snacks that the inmates leave on your bed. Like a nigga left honey bun, chips, and noodles on my shit. I was like, damn, this is a nice-ass welcome package.

Then two hours later, my bunkie came in. He was like, oh, I see you ate the shit, huh? Now you got to give me some of that man pussy. Man pussy? He was like, yeah, nigga, that booty. I was like, uh, can we titty fuck? Whoever knew titty fucking could be so lucrative in jail, you know what I'm saying? And then I had niggas coming by my cell like, hey, bro, show me your titty.

I was like, nigga, slide them noodles under my cell. All right, man, get the fuck out of here, bro. There you go. Wow. Boom. Another one. Exactly a minute. In fuck out of here, bro. There you go. Wow. Boom. Another one. Exactly a minute. In and out like a goddamn professional.

Hell yeah, Tony. Welcome, welcome. Always a pleasure to see you, man. Hell yeah. We need some black people on this fucking panel. Oh, you don't know my childhood. What's that mean? It's true. Yeah, he had to drink soy milk instead of fucking almond milk. No, that's what I look like now. When I was a young man, I too drank Kool-Aid. Yeah, he had to drink soy milk instead of fucking almond milk. No, that's what I look like now. When I was a young man, I too drank Kool-Aid.

Yeah? Yeah. Ain't you Edward Scissorhands? Keep going. Moshe's actually from Oakland, right? That's true. Oh, shit. You got bullied.

I just look like this. Yeah? No, I did get bullied very much, yes. This is actually a very uncomfortable situation for me right now. I know, bro. And I was a bully and shit. You know what I'm saying? I used to pick on niggas like you and Tony. Is that true? Would you pick on white boys?

Yeah, why not? Easy kill. That's funny because when I was a kid, I used to pick on fat kids like you. Until they sat on you. Wow. They tried, but I'm a wiggly one. You know what I mean? I'm a squirmy little motherfucker. I don't know if that's

a good thing to say about yourself. I'm a wiggly one. Hey, lady. More and more. Squirmy. Come on, man. Stop using all the West Hollywood words. Alright. You're the one that talked about getting titty fucked by

a dude, but I guess so. Have you ever been to jail? You gonna blow my cover? I wanted to know. I actually was curious. Yeah, I've been in jail for six, seven hours and shit.

For what was the... Public fighting. Oh, okay. I sat on a white boy. Wow. Can we see any of the footage on Worldstar or anything like that? No, man. Ain't no shit happen like that.

What type of public fighting happened? Let's talk about that. You know, I used to have a bad temper. So, you know what I'm saying? Like, if anybody said something to me, I was just ready to take flight. Right. Low blood sugar, that's called. What'd you say?

Low blood sugar. Change your diet. Change your life. Here she go. Oh no. Be careful. No. She didn't take a shot at you. You be nice David. You be nice. She wrote Harry Potter. No. You stop it David. No. Don't you start.

Don't you start David. JK Rollins looking ass. Thank't you start, David. J.K. Rowling's looking at us. Thank you. Very wealthy woman. Oh my God. Tony got a billionaire on the panel. No, you stop it. J.K. Rowling.

You stop it. How do you know about books? You can't read. What are you talking about, David? I probably went to a better school than you. Yeah, probably. Yeah, right. I mean, probably not, probably went to a better school than you. Yeah, probably. Yeah, right. I mean, probably not, but probably.

There's a good chance. Shit. Hey, Red Band know my math is better than anybody's up here. Oh, yeah. You got good math? Hell yeah. Throw some numbers at him. He'll get it.

Really? Yeah, it's pretty fucking weird. Time's table. Is that true? Yeah, hit me with something. Let's see. Like what's 21 times 32? Not that hard, nigga.

Hit me with like three digits at the top. Three digits? I've been drinking a little bit, man. 17 times 7. That's 149. Wow. Sounds right. Nobody knows.

It's not. Excuse me. That is 119. Wow. Sounds right. Nobody knows. It's not. Excuse me. That is 119. Sorry. Wow. You are the largest calculator I've ever seen in my life. TIA. That's great, but can you rap? No, I can't rap. Can you call the police? I just did.

I just did We know 9-1-1 is in your favorites What? 9-1-1 is in your favorites Yeah, no, I just called it You probably know the operator name Hey, Stu It's my roommate We got a black man over here barbecuing and shit.

Oh, my goodness. You do look like you call the cops or either you ask for a manager or not. Okay, okay. I mean, just because I'm a white woman, I mean, maybe I have. But I'm saying you got like a soccer mom face. I'm basically a soccer mom. You got some stickers on your window? No, no. Precious cargo and bullshit

like that? No, no. I drive a Kia, though. My child is an auto roll student and shit like that. Oh, shit. Oh, you got one of them signs in your yard that say drive like your kids live here? No.

David Lucas. I'm sorry, y'all. No, you're great, man. You're fucking killing it. I gotta remember this face. Uh-oh. Who is that? Let her feel it. He's huge. Sit your ass down. She left her booty in her seat, shit. He's huge. Sit your ass down. Uh-oh. She left her booty in her seat, nigga.

The way David turns on people in a fucking second is one of my favorite things. Hell yeah. It's unreal. Oh, y'all niggas supposed to be blind. I just got it. I didn't even know what the fuck was going on, man. I thought Tony had gave y'all some bullshit-ass costumes. No, I don't ever tell them what to do.

This is all them. What's that white dude's name? Jeremiah Watkins. No, no, no. The white blind pianist. He's like the white Ray Charles. Something about the way you look tonight. The way you look tonight. Steven

Wonder. No, nigga. he ain't blind. He's gay. Middle-aged black man. That must be the first time the N-word has been thrown about in a conversation about Elton John. That feels like the first time. That N-word ain't blind.

Wow. He can be whatever he want to be with all that kind of money. That's true. He could titty fuck you in prison. That's true. And he'd probably really enjoy that. Nah, probably not, man. I ain't with that shit.

No, of course. All right, relax, relax, David. I'm not saying you are. I was just kidding. I was about Elton John, not you. Elton John would like that. Anybody try that shit, gonna lose their life. Elton John's gay.

Oh, he is, ain't he? Yeah. Damn. Why do all gay people be successful? It is an interesting thing. I might be gay for like six months just to get right, you know what I'm saying? Heck yeah. Absolutely.

Get me a nice apartment, you know, get my credit fixed. Yep. And who knows? You might like it. Shit. Might like that money. Shit. That's right.

Wow. Fuck that. God damn it, nigga. Might need to try gay for 90 days. Heck yeah. That might be the move. That's a sitcom right there. Might also be.

Try gay for 90 days. Yeah. Heck yeah. Treat that shit like a diet. Well, we know then you'll really struggle with it. Tony Mack is, I took his idea. What's that? What are you talking about?

Being gay for 90 days. Well, lifetime of gay, excuse me. I consider it more of a cover. I don't know if you took that. I heard you got a job in West Hollywood making the noise for the police cars. That's true. That's what I do. I heard you sit on top of the roof and just be like Whoooo!

Whoooo! That's true. You're absolutely right. That is what I do for a living now. Yeah, that's Can you have the sound any lower For the first time this show While something's happening I love it you're absolutely right

I do make the sounds And you're the type of person That we pull over continuously In West Hollywood I feel like if you get pulled over In West Hollywood They might make you take your pants down. Pull your pants down and bend over. Like, what is this?

It's true. What is that? A snake just fell out of my butt when... A snake in my butt! There you go. Alright, well, another unbelievable performance. We absolutely love you. You're a goddamn murder. The one and only David Lucas, everybody.

Have you ever seen the rain? David and William just started their new podcast together, Brothers in Cursive. You can get it right now online. It's a Death Squad production. Very exciting stuff. Recorded live out of Burbank. What do you guys think?

Bucket one more time? I already pulled a name out. Let's see what happens here. Maybe we could fly through this. Maybe we could, maybe, maybe we can squeeze another one up here depending on how interesting this next person is.

Put your hands together for your next comedian, perhaps the final of the night, Kayla Esmond, everyone. Kayla Esmond. Looks like a new name. But he's watching me. Yeah Esmond, everyone. Kayla Esmond. Looks like a new name. Somebody's watching me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always feel like somebody's watching me. Hey, hey, hey. Come on, make some noise for her. It's Kayla Esmond. There are a lot of upsides to being fat that I feel like we need to talk about. For one, I would be very hard to roofie.

That's right, I'm a fat alcoholic. You'd need three bull-trank lives to take my ass down. But I'm also a fat feminist. So I pay for my own drinks on a date. What I'm saying is I'm a cheap date, but an expensive rape. And that's a good life balance as far as I'm concerned. People like to come up to me after telling these jokes. They're like, oh, no, Kayla.

No, you're still pretty. I'm like, bitch, when I say I was ugly, what? I'm gorgeous, okay? I look like Liv Tyler, ain't John Goodman. I am rocking it up here. Wow. Wow. Incredible. Man, sets tonight have either gone one way or the other.

It's either been killers or just fucking people dying up here. Oh, God, which one am I? Oh, come on. How dare you? That's incredible. What about one more time for Kayla Esmond, everyone? Thank you. One more time for your shirt. That's an awesome shirt. Oh, you? That's incredible. What about one more time for Kayla Esmond, everyone? Thank you. One more time for your shirt.

That's an awesome shirt. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. It's my fanciest cat shirt, so thank God I got up tonight. There you go. Let's start with the cat shirt talk. That's always a great way to start it. Yeah, that's great for those of you listening to the podcast.

She's got fucking tiny cats on her shirt. With tuxedos. Whoa, fancy cats. Fancy. Yeah, that's great for those of you listening to the podcast. She's got fucking tiny cats on her shirt. With tuxedos. Whoa, fancy cats. Fancy cats. Let's talk about it for as long as we fucking can. Okay, there it is. Anyway, Kayla, unbelievable performance. Thank you.

I love how you came out guns ablaze and making fun of yourself. Thank you. And how long have you been doing stand-up? I just passed three years. Three years. Incredible. Wow. My goodness. Three years. Incredible. Wow. My goodness.

And that's true? You drink a lot? Say what? I don't know what. You drink a lot? Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. That's why I didn't hear what you first asked.

Yeah. Wow. When you drink, do you go to regular bars or Roseanne bars? Oh, I... Ryan Scott. Ryan Scott, where you go to regular bars or Roseanne bars? Ryan Scott. Ryan Scott, where you at? Ryan.

That was brilliant. Thank you, Glenn Howerton with AIDS. I really appreciate it. How are you? Thank you. How are you? Wow. Heck, I loved that. It's the female David Lucas up here.

Heck yeah. Just by size. Heck yeah. They both feel the exact same, I bet. So welcome, welcome, Kayla. Three years in the game. Incredible. All of it here in Los Angeles?

No, I actually moved here a year ago from Little Rock, Arkansas. Actually, a year ago yesterday. I live with the Kleitsch brothers. I live with the twins. Oh, that's so cool. We know the Kleitsch brothers. That is with the twins. Oh, that's so cool. We know the Kleitsch brothers. That is so cool. You must be on the bottom bunk.

That's me, yeah. That's so fun. So one year away from Little Rock, and that's where you were born and raised? No, I grew up in Texas. I went to Arkansas. You have like nine different accents. It's amazing.

I do. They come and go. It's anarchy. That's a new one just now. It's amazing. I do. They come and go. It's anarchy. That's a new one just now. It's anarchy. This is wild. I know. I just want to say I'm such a huge fan of your wife.

Thank you. Oh. I like it. I like it. I felt him sink into it. She really did. No, my ego is so big. I was like, well, thank you very... Oh, fuck you.

Why didn't I see this coming? Kayla is a huge fan of everything she's a fan of. So Little Rock, Arkansas. Is that where your family is now? No, my mother lives in Burleson, Arkansas... Burleson, Texas. Jesus Christ. All right, Burleson, Texas. Jesus Christ. All right.

Burleson, Texas. And my father lives in Minnesota somewhere. Wow. Both of them. Different trailers. Different cities. Different trailers. Yes.

My goodness. My mother made good decisions. She was an ex-army captain, a nurse. My father made bad decisions. He made meth. So here we are doing comedy. Heck yeah. Is he still in the game?

Is he up in Minnesota? No, he gave it up. He's just a boring alcoholic now. Oh, shit. That's no good. Wow. What do you do for money? How do you make a living?

I do audio books. I can do any accent. Literally any white trash accent. Any white person that makes less than $19,000 a year, I can do any accent. Literally any white trash accent. Any white person that makes less than $19,000 a year I can do. That's my demographic, thank you. Is that what you do for audiobooks? You read? I read audiobooks mostly under a pseudonym.

I do a lot of erotic audiobooks. Get the fuck out of here. Can you give us a little example of something that you have memorized from your past? Not memorized, but I'll give you a little paraphrase. I don't want to put... Oh, yeah, exactly. Sure, just give us a little... So a lot of what I do is anthropomorphic bullshit. Wait, wait, wait.

Nine people know what that means. Yeah, you have to explain that. You just got gotta go on and fill this big old sloppy pussy with some wet sloppy joe and shaved turkey. Bring back that Arby's, boy. Oh, you come on over here. Some folks

call it a sling blade. I call it these nuts. I did one one time that was squirrel people. I guess it was for furries. Oh, boy. It that was squirrel people. I guess it was for furries. Oh, boy. It was like squirrel people.

And one of the lines that really stayed with me was this very long paragraph about how hairy the squirrel dude's dick was. And that's just right here forever. I don't. So we're not going to. Can you give us an example of what like reading would sound like? Alright, let me try to give this to you. Alright, well, here we go. And as

he came at me with the hairy nuts he'd saved from the summer and his big hairy squirrel cock. I knew this was the squirrel man I was meant to spend my life with, if not at least the night.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Wow. That was incredible. Thank you so much. There was a significant change there between your normal voice and your sexy voice. Thank you. When you want squirrel dick, it's different. It's a whole different world when you're trying to get that squirrel. I'll tell you what. I'm curious. You don't have to be specific, but what kind of money can you make doing erotica for furries? Not a whole lot enough.

I fuck a lawyer if that makes any more sense. Look at that. How long you been fucking a lawyer for? Two and a half years. Wow, two and a half years. He was actually on your Dallas show at Hyena's back in the day. I was part of the little Arkansas crew that came down

to Texas. Oh, I remember that. There was a big six or seven people, right? Yep. Oh my goodness. Wow, that's so cool. Heck yeah. I thought that was the Love That Chicken from Popeye's theme

for a second. You would. You would think that. Wow. So where'd you meet the lawyer at? I met him doing comedy in Little Rock, actually. I aborted his baby on stage. It was a good time.

Wait, what do you mean by that? Fell out your pant leg? Say what? Nothing. He said fucking nothing. What did you say? I accidentally aborted his baby on stage during a comedy show. Wait, so what you're saying is true?

Yes, absolutely. How, how, okay. All right. How do you know that it happened during your set? Because she didn't even know she was pregnant. Yeah, it was a real surprise. It started heckling me from the start. So when you have an abortion, you take a pill and it stops the pregnancy.

And then 24 to 48 hours later, you take another set of pills, it starts the slip and slide portion. Is that what they call it medically? Yes, that's the medical term. I asked my mom, she told me. This is a wonderful TED Talk. Thank you so much. But I hadn't taken the second set of pills yet, I was three minutes into a set and I just started bleeding and fell out your pant leg

fell out my pant leg I'm classy I'm classy I got creative with some paper towels I finished it at home in the bathtub like a classy bitch wait wait wait you didn't bail on your set did you no god no I came back I went

and got some paper towels got creative came back. Heck yeah. I went and got some paper towels, got creative, came back, finished the rest of that set because I'm a fucking professional, you guys. Wow. That is incredible. You are a real professional. Thank you, Comedian Corner. That is mind-boggling. Brought that set to term. My goodness gracious.

Any other fun facts about you? Any fun hobbies or anything like that? Oh, I have four cats by three different dads. They're awesome. No, I really, I spend a lot of time hanging out with the four cats. There's five comics total living in my house, so we have a great time. Just playing lots of video games, play a lot of Overcooked 2 wow

that's a video game about cooking? yes you've got fancy little characters and you pretend to cook and it's just a great time so even in your fantasy life you can't stop yes

that's my highest aspiration, is being a unicorn cooking burgers. All right. I mean, unbelievable performance. Thank you so much. Very fun interview. Kayla Esmond, everybody. You guys want to do one more quick one?

Are you sure we could end it right now? There goes... There they go. Alright, there they go. All this talk about meth, they have to go do some over here. Look at that. There they go. Jesus Christ.

I can't believe that the chef from the kitchen snuck his way to the front row for that whole part of the show. All right, whatever. You sure about this? One last one? We could end it with Kayla, but all right, here we go. We're going to get through this fast.

Make some noise for Andre Mulligan. Andre Mulligan. Do you hear what I hear? Do you hear what I hear? Do you hear what I hear? Do you hear what I hear? Do you hear what I hear? This is it. Your final comedian of the night, Andre Mulligan.

Make some noise for Andre, everybody. I took my belly ring out last year. I did, man. I used to be a male stripper. Yeah, I did, man. A lot of people always get mad about this, but did y'all know people don't like playing basketball with guys with belly rings? Guys get real mad.

Like, hey! Give me the ball, man. Come on, dog. Give it. Come on, I got you. Throw it over him, boy. Throw it. Oh, man, come on, dog, give it. Come on, I got you. Throw it over him, boy. Throw it. Oh, man, damn.

Hate that, man. Yeah, I used to be a male stripper, man. One of the things about being a male stripper, women think I can fight because I got muscles. Like, these are sexy muscles. These are for the women. First thing they do, they be like, hey, I want you to fight him. No, if I fight you, dog, I'm going to dance with him.

Be like, what? Come on. You want to do this? Come on. Come and get it. Come on. Come and get it. Come on.

You ain't going to do that, man. Plus, I wear a sexy thong. You ain't going to touch that. Can't do nothing with glitter on your chest. You can't go home to your girl and be like, oh, I was just dancing. No, you was at the strip club again. No, I tried to swing on him. He just sexy, though, with baby oil on him.

Thank you, man. I'm Andre. Hell yeah. Andre Mulligan. Absolutely. There you go. Do you see what I see? Andre, welcome to the show.

Heck yeah. Thank you, man. Look at you. Look at that jacket. My goodness. That is incredible. Cleanest drug dealer jacket, man. Is it?

Yeah, man. All right. I'm not a drug dealer, but I know they wear this shit. Oh, okay. How do you know that? I see a lot of niggas get shot in this kind of jacket. Really? Where do you see them get shot at?

All the time, man. Like Elton John concerts, stuff like that. I'm the one who called the cops. LA Fitness, man. A lot of niggas get shot in LA Fitness. LA Fitness. Oh, my goodness. Wow. That's incredible. So is this true that you were a male stripper?

I was a male stripper, man. I was. How long did you do that for? I did a short time, about 13 years. Wow. 13 years. I peed on a few girls, but not like... Because that's an R. Kelly song that you just played.

You know, the rapper, we made him rap and the girl did the just saying we should be fair and let him dance a little I want to see those muscles those sexy muscles I will say this is that very rarely do we go to that

bucket one last time like this and I mean you know it's a very tough episode to close because it's all improvised. We never know who's going to come out of the bucket of this and that. But I will say this is that Andre, this is our first time meeting each other. Let me tell you something. Our relationship from this point, it's let me tell you, the performance was, you know, it was good. It's good. Don't take off your jacket yet. Don't take off your jacket yet.

Don't take off your jacket. Let me just say this. I heard it. Is that if you were able to give, my friend there, to your right, the great Phyllis Watkins is blind. She doesn't get a lot of action. If you were to say give her a lap dance on this show, I think that there could be no better way to end the episode. You'd be a legend in my mind. Okay.

Then I get to go up again next week or something like that. The audience might even throw some ones up here, right? Yeah, I'll bet you they do. We have a very loyal, hardworking fan base. These are all people. You know, we give away the podcast. A Norwegian coin comes flying up. Absolutely.

We give away the podcast for free. I'm sure some of these people will come up and tip you. Okay, hit it, Red Band. Then I get to go up another time, right? Let me you. Okay, hit it, Red Band. Hit it. Let me grab a chair. Grab a chair. Give me a chair. Give me a chair. Oh, shit. Jesus Christ.

So, Phyllis Watkins is going to the chair. This is incredible. We got Danny Lucas up there on lights. Phyllis, you're almost there. You got it. Uh-oh. Don't put no dick on.

Yeah, I don't want no stick. There you go. Yeah, break it down. Oh, man. All right. So this is the moment that we've all been waiting for. Andre Mulligan is a former male stripper. He said he would never get back in the game.

And now here we are to close this episode of Kill Tony where literally anything can happen. We're going to do the R. Kelly one. Is it bump and grind? Yeah, give me some good music. What's a song you used to dance to? What do you want? You tell us. Bump and grind?

What do you like? What's your specialty? Yeah, do the original bump and grind. The original bump and grind. Do the original bump and grind. Bump and grind. R tell us. Bump and Grind? What do you like? What's your specialty? Do the original Bump and Grind. Do the original Bump and Grind. Bump and Grind, R. Kelly. Let's do the radio edit. Look at Aphrodite. She's fingering herself already.

Oh, shit. Aphrodite has got a bus ticket she's about to throw up here. Oh, shit. Take the jacket off. Take the jacket off. Take the jacket off. Is this good? Yeah, that was good. All right, ladies and gentlemen, Andre Mulligan bringing the show to a close. Give him the lights.

There we go. Slow it down. Slow it down. Slow it down. Slow it down. The original. No, we don't want to get thrown off YouTube. We have to be sped up a little.

Let's slow it down. Slow it down. The original. No, we don't want to get thrown off YouTube. We have to be sped up a little. Let's slow it down. Do the slower version. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. She's touching his face. Oh, my God. She's touching his face Oh my god He's giving her a back rub Oh shit

Whoa This is incredible Oh my goodness Oh my goodness. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wait, she can... I can see!

She can see everybody! Oh my god! She once was blind, but now she can see. My goodness. That is incredible. How about one more time? His first ever appearance on Kill Tony for Andre Mulligan. Heck yeah.

This guy's got a walking stick in his pants. Phyllis Watkins can see again. Yeah, I made some money. Andre, how can we find you? What's your social media? All one word, Andre Mulligan. Is that right? Yeah, Andre Mulligan.

Well, welcome to the show, man. Andre. Yeah, we'll definitely figure out a way to get you back up here and in here again. Give me back, man. That way I can really go. I was a little nervous, but I'm ready. It's all good. We'll get you back.

That's just your first time. Andre Mulligan, everybody. Aphrodite wants to put this in your pants. We let her do what she wants. She's 72 years old. Heck yeah. Absolutely. There you go. Alright, Aphro.

Aphro, get out of there. How about one more time for our guests tonight? How loud can this place get for the great Bonnie McFarlane, huh? November 9th at The Stand. She's taping her new album. Listen to My Wife Hates Me with Rich Voss and her. Check out VossRoast.com where she gives an unbelievable performance. How about one more time for the great Moshe Kesher, everyone?

He's got the Endless Honeymoon podcast. He used to own Portland and Helium the weekend before Christmas. Hey, look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebelts, everyone. It's another one that goes with the collection. While you all sat there doing nothing, he drew that entire thing. That's available at RyanJEbelts.com, along with every other episode ever, including the new Kill Tony, the book, part two and part three. Part three includes both one and two all together,

for those of you that bought one when it first came out. Come on, people. The one and the only, the best sister in the world, the great Phyllis Watkins, everybody. Unbelievable performance tonight all the way through. She once was blind, but now she can see. Anything you want to plug or promote other than your social media? I want to say my brother's podcast, Jeremiah Wonders,

actually stands for Jeremiah Wonders What Penises Taste Like. Oh! Shots fired. The Watkins family is at war, it appears. Unbelievable performance. She is Jetski Johnson on social media. All one word, Jetski Johnson. It was great having you.

Yeah, unbelievable. The trumpet is just so great. There he is, the great Chroma Chris, everybody, over there on guitar. Facing the wrong way. Chroma, what do you think about tonight's episode? What do you think about it, Chroma? Who's out of sight, Tony? Whoa.

And how about one more time for the one, the only, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, huh? Heck yeah. He's mostly sorry on social media. He's an official Ludwig artist. Anything else, Joel? Shout out to Caveman Coffee, Speedweed. Watch Women Aren't Funny. Watch the Honeymoon Special.

Support these guys. They're great. Absolutely. Heck yeah. They carried all your weight tonight. That's for sure. Yeah, baby. Storkade's coming.

We're doing a pro wrestling event here November 23rd. That's my wrestling podcast, The Store Horseman. But Kill Tony's back out on the road. Columbus, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Still some tickets left for this weekend's four stand-up shows in Washington, D.C. where some of my new friends, the Trumps, could possibly be in

attendance. So who knows what can happen there. Also shout out to the Secret Service, who I found out the other night that the Secret Service, this is true what I'm about to tell you to the Secret Service, who I found out the other night that the Secret Service. This is true. This is true what I'm about to tell you. The Secret Service of the United States of America are huge Kill Tony fans.

That's true. I thought they were fucking with me, but they simply weren't. It turns out that we are the number one live podcast in the world to the Secret Service. I don't know who the fuck's listening to your podcast. the number one live podcast in the world did the Secret Service. So, you know, I don't know who the fuck's listening to your podcast, but... Hey, you know, we have a new... The Mossad,

all the Israeli intelligence services love my podcast. Hey, we have a new Kill Tony shirt, new Death Squad shirt. We also have the Death Squad Chronicles coming. A new episode just came out. Williams and David Lucas' new podcast is out. And a new Holtzman podcast is coming tomorrow.

Go to DeathSquad.tv for all that. We also have a major announcement coming in next week where our guests will be from New York City, Mike Feeney, and one of our new favorite humans on the planet, Tim Dillon, will be here. Locked it in. A lot of fun things coming up. A lot of fun guests coming up. And don't forget, if you live in Huntington Beach, St. Louis, Kansas City,

Chicago, or San Diego, Jeremiah is going to be headlining your town. So go check out Jeremiah. Support the band and everything there. The Big Gay calendar is still for sale. A lot of people have been buying it. And to the live audience that comes here on Mondays, we love you so much. You make it all possible. Thank you.

Good night. Thanks, guys. Thank you. you