KILL TONY - KILL TONY #424

Episode Date: December 26, 2019

Kevin Smith, Ron White, Jeff Ross, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jesse Johnson, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 12/23/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo! Conditions apply. Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.TV. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions to all the shows. And if you click on Tour Dates, you can come see us live. We're at the Comedy Store every Monday at 8 o'clock, but we're always on the road.

So click on Tour Dates to see where we're at next. Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There he has his own tour dates, like his comedy shows. He also has some merch up there, so check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. And Ryan J. Ebelt, that's the house artist. He drew the Kill Tony book. He has a bunch of stuff for sale. Check out RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. that's the official merchandise of the death squad universe we got some kill tony shirts over there we got some death squad hats and mugs check out shop squad.tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony Hey, this is Santa coming to you live from the road-famous Comedy Store Main Room

for a brand-new episode of Kill Cody! Get up and tell your history! Wow, listen to that ovation. Look at Santa Claus, everybody. Hey! The Brian Red Band. How exciting is this? Guys, you're here.

We're live. It's episode 420 of Kill Tony, everybody. Come on. Who's got it better than us? Nobody. This is as exciting as it gets on a Monday night right before the holidays before you have to deal with family and chilling out. That is nice, man.

Thank you. You look the same. Yeah. So good to be here. It's a special 420 show. We have joints to give away to the people that get pulled out of the bucket tonight. A little extra bonus. I'm all hyped up on Nitro Caveman Coffee.

Ryan J. E. Belt's out with family. Jeremiah Watkins is back home with family. And this... Oh, God, Jesus, guys. All right, show's canceled. Didn't realize you were here for Jeremiah. But we have the whole regime is here to fill in for these people. Ryan J. Ebeld has Kill Tony, the book.

It's your last chance to get it for the new year. Go to Amazon.com. Type in Kill Tony. You'll see the three books that are available. All drawn house shows by Ryan J. Ebeld and all the tour posters. And we're going on tour again. It never ends, guys. I'm doing stand-up in Plano, Texas on New Year's Eve.

And then we go to San Antonio the 9th of January to do Kill Tony and a stand-up show straight to Houston after that. Kill Tony's in stand-ups the 10th and 11th of January. January 23rd, Kill Tony Calgary for the first time ever with four stand-up shows that I'm headlining on the 24th and 25th with your favorite Kill Tony cast

members. I'm doing stand-up on my own February 6th to the 8th at the Tempe Improv, one of the greatest clubs in the country. Then we do Kill Tony Vancouver, February 21st. Kill Tony East, the return. Tickets aren't even on sale yet because they haven't given us a link. February 29th, Kill Tony East, La Jolla, March 5th, Ventura,

California, March 12th. Kill Tony Boston, April 9th. Wow. April 10th and 11th stand-up shows. And we're making our return to the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas, April 25th. Wow. Wow. April 10th and 11th stand-up shows. And we're making our return to the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas, April 25th. Man. My goodness. Football

playoffs are happening. I came in second place in my fantasy football league as of yesterday. Second place. Does that mean anything? Nothing. Nothing at all. I had hundreds more points than everybody else in the league. And you know what ruined it for me?

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That's it. We're in it now. This is very, very exciting for me, guys. This is episode 420 of this Kill Tony, which has always been a pot-friendly show, and I can't think of two guests cooler to have here at the Comedy

Store on episode 420 of Kill Tony for his first time ever in the return of one of our favorites. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Kevin Smith and the Roastmaster General, Jeffrey Ross. Wow. What?

Wow. Wow. How exciting is this, ladies and gentlemen? A 420. With some of my favorite stone people of all time. Heck yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the first time ever on Kill Tony. It's Kevin Smith, everybody.

He's here. How honored we are. How exciting this is. Of course, he does the Hollywood Babylon podcast there at the Improv New Year's Eve, but I'm really excited myself as a longtime fan for this Jay and Silent Bob Reboot Roadshow Tour. Yeah, we've been touring it. Having a good time touring it. We stopped in Los Angeles like two weeks ago.

We had done 37 cities, 60 shows. After Christmas, 25 more cities to go. So like a total of 62, man. It's been fun. And it's a rigged audience. It's like every night I watch the movie with like 1,000 to 1,500 people who know every movie I've ever made, man. So it's not like playing a movie for real.

It's like going to church every night where I'm both the priest and Jesus at the same time. Wow. I like that. It's pretty fucking cool, yeah. That is so cool. Speaking of the priest and Jesus, how about the Roastmaster General, Jeffrey Ross here, episode 420.

Good morning, everybody. Happy holidays. This is so great. This lineup looks like if Kevin Smith directed the Joker. You guys really look very festive. It would have made $990 million less, man. Brian, I like your outfit. What is that?

What do you call that style? Blow Rogan? Every time you say ho, ho, ho, I think you're referring to your dating life. Oh. I do like fat girls. Oh. Oh. Oh. Brian. I do like fat girls. Oh, my God. Santa Claus is real.

Santa Claus killed Jeffrey Epstein. Great to be here, you guys. I love this. I don't know how I got out of the house during the holidays. It's so nice. I promised myself I was going to take a break from the fucking comedy store. But when Tony calls and he goes, we got a hot show, I just wanted to come out. And thank you for inviting me.

Here we are, episode 420, ladies and gentlemen. 420 episodes. That's got to be six years. Yep, six and a half years. Congratulations, guys. That is fucking amazing. Thank you very much. I remember when it was just a little podcast in the comedy store,

and now it's a big podcast at the comedy store. Yeah, it's crazy. This is our fourth sold-out Monday here in a row. It's supposed to be the hard time to sell out comedy shows, but we've been doing it here. Stuff's crazy. We have Big Jay and Luis J. Gomez on next week, all the way from New York, an extra, I'm sure, filthy episode of Kill Tony. Stuff's crazy. We have Big Jay and Luis J. Gomez on next week, all the way from New York,

an extra, I'm sure, filthy episode of Kill Tony. It's going to be great. But, you know, one of the things that I love about this show is the band, everybody. Am I right? Oh, are they in town? Every single episode, they do different characters. We never know what they're going to be.

They were getting ready in another room. Maybe it's the return of some of our favorite characters that we've seen. Maybe it's brand new characters that we've never seen before. Let's all find out together, shall we? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best damn band in the land, the Kill Tony Band. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Chroma Chris,

and Jeremiah's sister, Jessie Johnson. Here we go. Oh, wow. Look at this. Wow. Oh, my goodness. This is as exciting as it gets. This is, I believe, the first...

Merry Christmas. This is the first time we've seen these guys, huh? Better believe it, Tony. Wow. These real Mormons? That's right. Wow. Look at you. Wow, these real Mormons? That's right. Wow, look at you. Hey, how's it going?

I'm Elder Thornberry. Wow. It used to be Ramirez. They made me change it, though. Just happy to be part of the winning team, Tony. That's all. My goodness. I love you.

You think you look like a Mormon. I think you look like the manager of every Popeye's chicken I've ever been in my life. That's right, Tony. I have a mirror. And then clearly the return of Jeremiah's sister, the one and only. Actually, I'm Phil Watkins, Jeremiah's brother, a devout Mormon. Glad to finally speak some truth to his followers.

There you go. Phil Watkins. What's in the backpacks, I'm curious. That's a good question. A lot of faith, Jeff. And then, Cromo, what are we dealing with over there? How are you doing tonight, pal? Hey, I'm great to be here, Tony. You're what?

What's the first thing? The name is Elder Fudd. You're what? What's the first thing? The name is Elder Fudd. It's what? Elder Fudd. Don't you know that's another character from a totally different thing? It's Elder. Elder Fudd. Oh, Elder Fudd. Elder Fudd. Alright. I'm just happy to be here on 420.

I'm getting high off of the love of Jesus Christ. And then remind me, I don't think I got to ask your name. Elder Thornberry. Elder Thornberry. Yes, I did find out that name. Maybe open up your mind, your memory to Jesus.

It's going to be okay. We're going to have a fun night tonight. We got Mormons. We got Jeff Ross, Kevin Smith, Red Band and his soundboard, which brings me to this, everybody, the bucket of destiny, the one and the only, the lifeblood of this show. You guys know how it works. A bunch of people sign up for the show.

Maybe it's their first time ever signing up. Maybe they've been trying for months and they just can't get the luck of the bucket of destiny. If I pull your name, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. So wrap it up then. You guys get it? You out the angry West Hollywood bear. So wrap it up then. You guys get it? You ready to start the show?

This is it. It's about to begin. This is when the bucket of destiny takes over. This is very exciting. I can't believe it. These look like real Mormons over here. I mean, how legit is that? What do you mean real Mormons?

Of course we are. We love God. All right. I pulled a name out. Your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight and then talking with us afterwards in an interview-style portion of the show where you want to answer the questions honestly, give us something to work with about your life.

Put your hands together for Michael King, everyone. Here we go. Michael King. The bucket has spoken. We're looking for movement coming out of that lobby. Michael. Where the fuck is Michael King? What a bad boy.

Are there people in the lobby, Matt? There's two. David, how did you do this tonight? But where are the comedians? Over there? You guys over there? Let's try this again then. How about Saul Trujillo?

Saul? Is Saul here? Here we go. It has begun. The first spot's not an easy one. Fuck Michael King! Fuck Michael King! Fuck Saul! Episode 420 of Kill Tony

starts now, everybody. How about one more time for Saul Trujillo? Hey! Hey, everyone. I feel like I live a tough life. I do. I feel like I live a tough life because every day of my life,

I have to prove to strangers like yourself that I'm not the lady who killed Selena, okay? Some of you. Some of you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. You're like, I was born in 94. I don't listen to that music. All right. That's fine.

And then I got this mullet because I thought it'd make things better. It is not. It that music. All right. That's fine. And then I got this mullet because I thought it'd make things better. It is not. It's not by a lot. By a lot. Now, I got a mirror. Yes, I know. I'm not from the South. I'm from Stockton, California. So this is a cherry-picking mullet. This is an agricultural mullet, all right? And mullets are pretty straightforward, you know? Business in the front, party in the back. But when you have this face, it's very much missing child's poster in the front and the guy who kidnapped that kid in the back. I just want to see my kids, Maria.

Please. I'll get it. Wow, look at that. What a way to start the show. Saul Trujillo. Giving us some of that Stockton slap tonight, huh? My goodness, look at you.

One of the most beautiful lesbians I've ever seen in my entire life. You have a hot look. Thank you very much. Welcome, welcome. Is this your first time on this show? Yeah, it's my first time on this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, heck yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up?

Nine years. Nine years? How long have you been doing stand-up? Nine years. How long have you been in Los Angeles? Six months. Just moved out of my car. Just got into a hostel. You outgrew that car? Outgrew the car, man. I have to confess, I've seen Saul

in the belly room doing roast battles before and he's been killing it. This is the first time I saw you do any kind of stand up and you know it definitely was awesome. Thank you man. I appreciate it. I've seen a lot of people fucking eat shit and kill Tony. Absolutely.

It's not easy going into the cold room of you bastards and fucking killing it like Saul just did right. You know what Saul? I got a little mushroom lollipop for you. Hey, look at that. Heck yeah. I'd say I'm not going to eat it,

but you know I'm going to eat it. I want you to have it. Enjoy. I'm going to have one too. We'll have it after the show. Thank you. All right. Wow.

Very impressive, Saul. So tell us more about you. How do you survive? How do you pay for your hostel? I work at a coffee shop at the moment. Yeah, I got a job. A comic hooked it up with a job. And even when living in my car, comics have been pretty cool.

Let me stay at their places. Like Crash, when I'm going on the road. So a lot of comedy store regulars. Yeah, he broke my fucking couch. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just looking at it. He was just looking at it.

Yeah. I love it. I love it. So the coffee shop what else in your life what do you like to do for fun to take your mind

off everything smoke a lot of weed that's why the 420 show yeah oh yeah I've done a lot of dispensary gigs a lot of cannabis events

yeah yeah you're getting a joint out of this from the fine people over at Speedweed Speedweed oh that's fantastic their slogan is

Speedweed for a slow man so you are perfect for that. No, I love it. What do you like to do after smoking pot? What are some of your favorite things to do? I have a guess.

Yeah? Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually went to culinary school, too. Yeah, so I genuinely like to cook. Wow. That's like a meth head learning how to make meth. My goodness gracious.

Yeah. Saul, what do you think makes you that big? Like is there some like secret thing that you eat that you like found out in culinary school? Like what is it? You just chug raw eggs or something? I used to be like literally like 450 pounds. So like down like 100 pounds. Oh, hell yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, pounds. Absolutely. What's your secret? Weight watchers, or did you do any kind of diet? It was keto. 30 keto, though, not like real keto, just eating a lot of cheese. Works. And dressing like Al Sharpton for inspiration.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved your set, but you look like Sonics the Hedgehog. Not worth it. At least God loves me. Jesus Christ. Kevin, what do you think of this young buck out here doing it from the stocking? He reminds me of being happier times. A couple years ago, I weighed a bit more, and then I went vegan.

Used to be happy, now I'm fucking vegan. And so it reminds me of a time when I was much happier with myself than I am right now. That was some funny bits. I'm legit going to go home and steal that joke, tell my wife the Selena bit. She'll be like, why are you doing random Selena jokes?

I was like, I don't know, anniversary. Now, are you still on KetoSeto Sol or did that break at some point? I moved to L.A. and that broke by a lot. Do you remember the moment that you knew that you were about to break being Keto? Jeff Ross just handed him a slice of pizza. That's it. I'm okay. Way to stand by it, man.

That's cold. Is there anything else crazy? That's a Hollywood metaphor right there. Cold pizza? Here, eat this, kid. It's cold. Welcome to Hollywood. Only Tom Cruise gets hot pizza.

Is there anything else crazy about your life that we should know about, Saul? I would have moved to L. to LA a long time ago, but I have a horrible gambling addiction. I have a really bad blackjack. What do you like to gamble on? Wow. I was going to say your life. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, yes. He deserves it on that one. They chant Joel Berg when he makes a big joke. It's a legend. So Blackjack, when did this start? When I was 18. And what happened there?

I would just be addicted to spending my checks on... I just had an addictive personality. That's why I kind of cut back alcohol with cannabis because I was also on alcohol. I have a lot of shit going on. Right. You addicted to coffee yet now that you're at the coffee shop? Yeah.

You doing a lot of espresso shots? A lot of cold brews. Oh. Which coffee shop? Because I'm thinking of going into that business. Alfred's Coffee in Beverly Hills. Yeah. The worst.

Diarrhea Coffee. I love it. I'm just kidding. I've never been there. I don't want to get you in trouble with your boss. I don't give a shit. Anyway. Just out of curiosity.

I feel like you're going to play Kevin Smith in a movie one day. I love it. When's the last time that you played blackjack is this an ongoing probably probably six months ago like when I first

like the first month of coming to LA I broke yeah because I told myself I wouldn't for a while and then how much what's the most

you ever lost playing blackjack 5600 wow what do you think has affected your life more negatively blackjack

or applejacks? Hungry jacks. Applejacks, obviously. Saul, you absolutely killed tonight. No cooler way to start episode 420 than with a guy like you. Unbelievable. The bucket of destiny is spoken.

Saul Trujillo. I dropped his name, but go to Saul Comedy. All one word. S-A-U-L Comedy. That's his social media. Hell yeah. How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when

comedians do bad on this show? Ladies and gentlemen, I just pulled a piece of paper out of the bucket of destiny, and it is coming out in thick black Sharpie, everybody. And that only means one thing. I present to you Kill Tony Legend, a lady who started here and gets so lucky out of this bucket almost every other week. Make some noise for the one and only Aphrodite, everybody. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Come on, people. It's still happening. I don't know why the music would go down before she's at the mic. Hi. Say hello to my big friends.

Custom-made titties for your lips and your tongue. You know, this is a very interesting place. You go to the bathroom, the ladies' bathroom's right next to the men's bathroom back here, and I just stood there and watched the men hold their dicks.

It was very interesting. I just stood there and watched the men hold their dicks. It was very interesting. They just stood there, dick all in their hand, and they're just pissing and pissing. And I almost pissed on myself watching them. You don't get to see people like that, you know, in the bathroom with the dick out like that? And ladies, I gotta tell y'all something. Stop trying to tell dick what to do. Just stop it. A dick ain't gonna listen to you ain't you figured that shit out by now? Dick got one purpose. One wet pussy or dick asshole.

That's it. Woo! All right, Aphrodite Taking some creative risks tonight Alright Hell yeah Afro, I love your style This is episode 420 Because everybody that's been on stage at one point

Has weighed 420 Yes, that's my ass Hell yeah one point is weighed 420. Yes! That's my ass. Hell yeah. You are an absolute killer, as always. I always compliment your, what would we call that? Not, what is it? Bodacious? Yeah, my boom-bada-boom-bada-bam, god damn!

Yep, that's exactly, you know what? That's the word I was looking for. Aphrodite, did you write that joke in the back before the show? Yeah, I did. Were you actually watching guys hold their penises? Yeah word I was looking for. Aphrodite, did you write that joke in the back before the show? Yeah, I did. Were you actually watching guys hold their penises? What? Seriously.

You can see them holding their dicks right back there. My goodness. You don't cost nothing. Oh, my God. Look at you. I love it. You are one horny little bag of fun. Yeah, my titty almost fell out while I was watching them.

What? My titties almost fell out. They had control. Were you pushing them out? Yeah. How diditty almost fell out while I was watching them. What? My titties almost fell out. They had control. Were you pushing them out? Yeah, how did they almost fall out? They got a mind of their own. They're illegal. They're just trying to jump off the roof?

Yeah. If your titty didn't fall out, it would take a lot longer than 60 seconds. You know, in Africa, it's sexy if your titties hit the ground. Okay, Brian. I'm glad to know that. I'm glad to know that because they already hit my knees. Aphrodite, you have such an incredible charisma. Remind us all, how long have you been doing stand-up?

When did you start? I started here August 22, 2016. I got on the first time I came. That's right. You had good luck even back then. Yeah. Have you gotten up anywhere since then? What?

Where else do you perform since other than Kill Tony? Oh, I've done different shows. I have my own podcast show now. I'm on the move, you know. I'm about to stare at you, John, about the fact it's that. You know what I'm saying? All right. Heck yeah.

She has that I started late fighting edge that I see a lot. I'm here to start trouble. Yeah? It's never too late to start, but I still don't think

you should do comedy. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what you think, man. I'm just kidding, Aphrodite. I'm just kidding. I've seen you here many times. I was sitting on your lap. You got to, Aphrodite. I'm just kidding. I've seen you here many times.

I was sitting on your lap. You got to spend more time. Can I sit? Oh, my God. I can hear you better when I feel you. We need a medic. We need a medic. Jeffrey Ross's knee is broken.

This is some kind of. This is emergency dick test. Oh, shit. This is the greatest moment of my life. Well, I won't ruin it by getting up for a minute. No, don't get up, Aphrodite. His dick might jump out. I told you motherfuckers are out of control.

Dicks cannot mind business. They can't do it. Wow. Tony, is it possible to get subtitles for this lady? I'm a subtitle. She's been on here 20 times. I've understood maybe four words ever. You hear that suction sound?

This is true. Be careful, Aphrodite. There's a lot of steps back there. I don't want you taking a little. You don't take so much shit at 64. I don't want you taking a little tumble. You're 64 years old? I'm 64.

You look terrible. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You look great. Aphro, come on. Don't do that to him. You're going to make him cum, Aphro. Don't do that to him. You're going to make him cum, Afro. Don't do that.

No, don't do that because I'll charge his ass. Don't be cumming free shit. Don't be doing that shit. I would love to see your guys' baby, Jufro Dighty. But speaking of cumming. I just got me double-deed. Yeah. Speaking of cumming, I was doing a lot of that yesterday.

Whoa, you hooking up with the guy yesterday? It's calm on my curtains. That boy is bad. It's calm on my curtains. No, stop it. You'd wash those curtains if there was calm on them. Oh, no, I ain't never washing them. I don't see that calm until I'm 95.

God, sometimes you are just absolutely disgusting. Well, sex is ain't good if it's not disgusting, Tony. Shit. I agree with that. I like that gross stuff. The more disgusting, the better. Right, boys and girls? As long as you're married.

What did you say, my friend? I like you. Aphrodite, have you ever had a lesbian experience? Hell no. I don't have no pussy on me. Shit. One pussy is enough. Someday I'll know what she said. Hell no. I don't have no pussy on me. Shit. One pussy is enough. Someday I'll know what she said.

Hell no. I'm strictly dick up in this motherfucking planetation fucking, okay? Amen. You know? The great Kevin Smith. It just reminds me I have to call my mom tonight. You know, for Christmas. Oh my God.

I was vibing you, Tony. I'm like, I'm getting one of them motherfucking joints tonight. I'll put a hex on that motherfucking bowl, okay? I don't give a fuck. You need to worry about your old ass joints. What'd you say? What'd you say? What'd you say? I need some infinite CBD.

I'm going to sit on your face after this show. Hey, don't threaten me with a godly time. I love it. You're going to have a flat face, a flat motherfucking face, okay? Believe me. Tony, I think the crowd's really enjoying this Eddie Murphy character that got cut. That got cut from SNL. Live from New York, it's Saturday night.

Yeah, yeah. New York, motherfuckers. Heck yeah. Aphrodite here, I got a little marshmallow lollipop. Merry Christmas. I'm going to give it a coochie rub. All right, Aphrodite here, I got a little marshmallow lollipop. Merry Christmas. I'm going to give it a coochie rub. All right, Aphrodite. It's not a tampon, it's a lollipop.

I hate Santa Claus. I hate him. I got to tell you the truth. Why? I don't know. Jingle bells, all that shit make me feel violent. Is there any Christmas song? Can you give us a line of one Christmas song maybe?

Since you have such an incredible musical talent, I want these guys, I want everybody to enjoy themselves. You have one good verse off one Christmas song maybe? Since you have such an incredible musical talent, I want these guys, I want everybody to enjoy themselves. You have one good verse off a Christmas song that you can belt out for us? You have a single song up there? Hang on the mistletoes I'm gonna make you see it brighter

This Christmas The fireside's burning bright I said we're caroling through the night And this Christmas Said it's gonna be A funky, funky low-down Christmas A sexy baby for me gonna be a funky, funky lowdown Christmas. A sexy baby for me.

Ah! Wow. Aphrodite. Wow. Wow. Aphrodite. Take a bow. You told me, take a bow. You told me to take a bow so you can look at my ass. That's wrong.

That is fucking wrong. I'm going to charge you, motherfuckers. I'm telling you. Yeah, but go in the bathroom, ladies, and play like you're going in the bathroom and watch them rolling them dicks back there. Afro, no one has these pedophile powers like you do. No one else is interested in it. Oh, they're 21. These motherfuckers in here are over 21. You can watch them hold their dick. I know, but somehow you make it sort of pedophile powers like you do. No one else is interested in it. Oh, they're 21. These motherfuckers in here are over 21. You can watch them whole day. I know, but somehow you make

it sort of pedophile-y. I know everybody's 21, but the way you're just staring at dicks while people are peeing. How long were you standing there for? I just stood there until the secretions of my vagina settled. Oh my god. Alright, there she goes. Aphrodite, everybody. Come on, it's Eddie Murphy, episode

420 of Kill Tony. Oh, here's your joint. Wow, she's definitely cashing in on my goodness, the great Aphrodite, everybody. Where's my joint? This lady takes no prisoners.

She grabbed the pizza, a joint. She grabbed everything out of here. Took a soundboard. All right, let's keep this fun train moving along. Make some noise for Jimmy Rogers, everyone. Jimmy. Jimmy? Jimmy.

I don't see any movement. Jimmy? Jimmy? I don't see any movement. Jimmy? No? All right. This is interesting. I think a lot of people just left. Make some noise for Garrett Ulrich. Garrett?

Here we go. Here comes Garrett. Lucky corner. Here we go. 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man. One more time for Garrett Ulrich, everyone. God, I'm supposed to follow that? Jesus Christ.

Guys, my job has a lot of good benefits. We celebrate Edible Fridays at my job. Yeah, right? I just take an edible and I don't tell anybody on Fridays. That's what we do. The problem is I'm a scientist, which is like, I shouldn't be doing that. Not a lot of people believe me when I tell them I'm a scientist, right? But everybody believes me when I tell them that I went to four community colleges.

Which is great, because I went to six community colleges. which is great because I went to six community colleges. So I also have a five-year-old. Not a lot of people believe me when I tell them that, but everyone believes me when I say I only have halftime custody of my five-year-old. Yeah, right? She's learning to swim right now. She likes to dive down to the bottom to get the rings, but she's too weak to dive down, so I have to give her a boost, which means I, right, which means I have to grab my five-year-old and throw her under the water. Like, I grab her and I'm like, ah! And it's crazy how good it feels. It's like, this is for every time you made me late. Ah! Guys, you know number one dad mugs? I hate number one dad mugs, right? I don't need one.

I just need one that says I'm better than your mom. That's all. Hell yeah. Wow. Garrett Ulrich. Welcome, Garrett. Am I saying that right? Ulrich or Ulrich? Ulrich, yeah, Ulrich. Heck yeah. Welcome, welcome. Great set, man. Thank you, thank you. All about you, right on

normal things that are part of your life, your job, your five-year-old, the whole thing. That's all I got. Of course, yeah. That's great. How long have you been doing stand-up? Four years. Four years. All of it here in Los Angeles? No, I live in Huntington Beach. Mostly Orange County, yeah. It's a trek for me to get up here, so I don't make it too often.

Right. Is there a reason why you live by the beach? You like beach things? No, it's because that's where my baby mama lives and grandma lives, and life's expensive. I've never heard a white guy say baby mama. I think Aphrodite left some of her charisma on that microphone. I think she left a little more than that. I don't know.

How do you look like Jay and Silent Bob at the same time? Hey, there it is. Joel Berg is reaching max power back there. We've seen this before. It's the power of the Lord. So, Garrett, welcome, welcome. You're a real scientist? I am, yeah.

What kind of scientist are you? I'm a chemist. We make medical devices. We treat brain aneurysms. Yeah. Saving lives, yeah. What kind of scientist are you? I'm a chemist. We make medical devices. We treat brain aneurysms. Yeah. Saving lives, yeah. My goodness. Thank you.

What's the deal? What do you think the deal is with scientists needing to have, like, crazy hair? Oh, I'm the... Like, long hair. It's always... I'm the only one. I don't fit into my company at all. Everyone has, like, clean cut.

I have a tie-dye lab coat. It's like, I don't fit in at company at all. Everyone has like clean clut. I have a tie-dye lab coat. It's like I don't fit in at all. What do they do? They just test things on you to see if it would work on you? This guy always seems like he just had a brain aneurysm. Let's test it on him. I wish. Yeah, I know.

I don't know. I love it. So you met your baby mama there in Huntington Beach? I did, yeah, at a sweaty bar when I already had a girlfriend. It was, yeah, it was not a good... Oh, my goodness. It wasn't great. How many times did you guys hook up before she got pregnant?

One. No, a lot, a lot. A bunch. Just so much unprotected sex in my life, yeah. Wow. I just had my... I just had a... Yeah, a lot.

I bet. I bet that's what happens when you look like Matthew McConaughey's Passion of the Christ over here. You know what I mean? I just had another abortion recently. Oh, geez, Louise. What the fuck? My goodness, the Mormons. I just saw.

All right. I like to explain what abortion is to the. Oh, we know. I like to explain what abortion is to the... Oh, we know. I didn't believe you were a scientist because I don't believe in science. Hey-oh. Wow.

Phil Watkins laying the smackdown tonight over there. My goodness, Garrett. I mean, now I have to ask, even though I really don't want to, but now I have to because you said another abortion so casually. Can you give us a plus or minus five on this?

Just a two. Were they twins? What are we talking about? No one ever aborts twins, right? You can't do that. I would. I would. I think that's even more reason. No, one was when I was 17, and then one was, like, whatever, in June or something. How old are you now? 33.

33? Yeah, so I've learned nothing. All your best abortions are still ahead of you. Yeah. Oh, my goodness gracious. What do you and the five-year-old do together? You guys have any special bonds? Yeah, we hang out.

We play a lot of video games. Listen to Frozen all the time. You know, the typical dad shit. Tell her how she fucking dodged a bullet and shit. dodged a bullet and shit? You know, you got a couple ghost siblings, man, who didn't fucking make it. No, there was no chance because I knew

she didn't want to have an abortion because her mom, my baby mama's mom, told her, she said, what if you get rid of this baby and you're never able to have a baby again? How bad will you feel? And I was like, oh, yikes. This shit got deep quick, man.

Yeah. If it's any consolation, I would never abort your kid, because I would love a kid that looks like Ashton Kutcher. That'd be amazing. I love it, man. Did Brian play that song because he thinks scientist

is spelled S-E-I-N? Tony, I'm just excited to be this close to Alanis Morissette. I know. He's got one in his pocket. So, Garrett, is there anything else crazy

we should know about you? Oh, I was thinking about that. The reason I broke up originally with the mother of my child was because I was fucking a secretary at work. Wait, you were fucking her secretary? No, I just... Your secretary. Not mine. I'm not big enough to have a secretary.

But it was the secretary at your workplace. One of them in the car outside, yeah. Oh. I'm a bad guy. What's the deal with infidelity? How did that go down? It's such a touchy environment. How did you

hook up a co-worker in the car? You know, I find a way. It was pretty hot, actually. It was one of the best days of work ever. We're talking about backseat. You guys both went in the backseat? Yeah, in find a way. It was pretty hot, actually. It was one of the best days of work ever. We talking about backseat? You guys both went in the backseat? Yeah, in the backseat. We drove down the road a little bit

and just pulled over. We had to stop because people were walking by a couple times. It was not co-workers, but it was pretty hot. Was your pillow talk like, I'm going to give you a big fat abortion, baby? Oh, yeah, that's what I lead with, yeah. Wow. Let me guess, I lead with, yeah. Wow.

Let me guess, you drink coffee too. Mormons don't drink coffee? No, we don't, Jeff. I'm glad you asked, actually. That's so interesting. Yes, it's very interesting. There's a lot of interesting things about Mormonism. Like what? What's another one? I didn't

know about the coffee thing either. No coffee, magical underwear. Am I leaving anything out? I was going to say, it's actually just no hot drinks, but for some reason we still can't have cold brew. I don't get it. Free the Mormons. I built this with water to

fit in. I love that. We're also getting our own planet when we die. No more polygamy, though. That sucks. And black people are okay now Oh wow, what a special treat Bacon soda!

But no gays Aww, still no gays? What's up with that? How do you explain that? I just follow the rules We don't explain anything It's because it's Adam and Steve Nothing Yep It's because it's Adam and Steve.

Yep. Those of you that don't know, Chroma Chris is the only person on stage that isn't a comedian, so when he does shit like that, it's 30 times funnier than if any of us do it. Well, let's just say I wear a helmet for a reason, Tony. Wow. I feel bad for Gary, because this is the most laughs he's ever going to hear on stage. Yeah, it's true. It's true.

I'm teasing, Gary. You did great. Thank you. Yeah, but I mean, I I agree it was a great set in fact your set is the only thing about you that isn't a massive abortion so thanks for signing up hopefully you'll come back we'll see you in another minute

there he goes Garrett Ulrich everybody we're doing it we're having fun here it's episode 420 great Kevin Smith the roast master general some Mormons. It's exciting stuff. You guys having fun out there?

Cool. It's Kevin. Tony, it's Kevin's first time here, right? What do you think of the show so far? I'm having a fucking blast. I was sitting there going, oh shit, what a great use of the medium. Every podcast I've ever done has something to do with fucking me. This focuses on other people.

And you are a whip-smart fucking quick interviewer, man. Thank you. In terms of... And this isn't just kiss and ask because I'm on the show, but this is what a late-night show should be, how you could get through so many questions and dig out interesting shit.

We literally met a mass murderer a couple minutes ago, and you drew that out of him, man. Thank you. Hey. That means a lot coming from you, Kevin. Thank you for being here. As a vegan, abortion's not murder. Only meat is murder.

I'm excited about this. I don't think it's been a long time since we've had a No, it's not how it works, pal. I'm sorry. We're on to the next one. You must be... You're Jimmy Rogers, right? He was in the bathroom.

You were in the bathroom? Yeah. All right. Let's let the audience decide. I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry, Jimmy. It's a weird show. It's a weird show. It's hard to explain, Jimmy. It's a minute. It's a weird show. It's a weird show.

It's hard to explain, Jimmy. It's a minute. It's a minute. Give the guy a break. It's a minute. Oh, I mean. It's fucking Christmas, Tony. It's Christmas.

I mean. It is Hanukkah. How about the comedians waiting in the lobby? Do you think we should let them up? Oh, they actually, one guy said yes. All right, it seems like everybody's split. This is like an impeachment hearing, live on Kill Tony right now.

All right, let's do it. Let's get a minute from Jimmy Rogers, everybody. Here we go. The bathroom boy. Hi, I am so sorry. I had Taco Bell. it doesn't matter who cares um i'm 27 i'm 20 i'm 30 um i'm 31 fuck hook i'm lying uh people think i'm a homosexual just because i suck dick from time to time which is super confusing like i'm not a what the hook is

a shit i'm gay it would fucking sue me who cares i don't give a shit oh I'm gay. Fucking sue me. Who cares? I don't give a shit. Oh, I will suck your dick right now, sir. I'm sorry. Yes, you, I will. 60 seconds. Fuck. Jesus Christ. Why are you doing her? What are you doing? Her boobs are very confusing to me.

I'm just like, what the fuck? I might motorboat you. Who knows? God, I was in the bathroom. Thank you for letting me go on. Jeff, I'm sorry. There you go. Jeff, you're the one that convinced me to do this and you're meowing him 40 seconds in. Thank you so much. I was rooting for you, Jimmy. I really was.

I was rooting for myself and I'm like, holy shit, they're like, get off the stage. Get that faggot off. Jimmy, relax. Relax. Take a breath. At least you got a slur in at the end. Jimmy, what were you doing in the bathroom? I know he wasn't writing jokes. Who goes to the bathroom, comes on, and then takes a shit on stage?

Like you should have just... You could have done all this in there. You could have done that in there. It would have been fine. 40 seconds. Wash your hands when you're done. All right, Brian. You know, Tony, you got to get the come out somehow.

Look at that. I'm happy I came on. I bet you are. Came on who? The bathroom attendant? I love it, Jimmy. I've always wanted to have the guy on this show that is the guy from Beetlejuice that was remodeling

the house for the entire time. Where the fuck did you pull that from? I don't remember the movie. I think we're going to make this one Mob. I haven't remember the movie. I think we're going to make this one Mob. I haven't seen the movie. It's you, bro. It's you.

It's you. Get ahead of this. You find out who's remaking that movie eventually and you call them. You say, I'm the fucking guy. It's me. Look at my fanny pack. Please help me. It's Beetlejuice, bro. I'm good with anal beads. Oh my God.

I was really rooting for this guy and then all that gay stuff. Well, Jesse, it's Adam and Steve, remember? I'm Phil, for the record. Phil, I'm sorry, shit. I don't know what's going on. If I'm gonna say all this anti-gay stuff, I'm Phil. I'm pretty sure he's Phil'd too.

Not anymore. He went to the bathroom, Tony. I love it. I love being shit on. I do. Jimmy, you are a weird character. I feel like you'd be a regular on Chelsea Lately if that show still existed. I feel like you'd be on every episode. Iately if that show still existed. I feel like you'd be on every episode.

I'll take it. You'd be the new Chewy. Please, Chelsea, watching this, please. I'm desperate. I love your style, though. Thanks, Jeff. I love the suede jacket and the fanny pack. It's working for you.

Thank you. The safari shirt underneath. I love it. You're like a doctor's wife. I'll take that too. God. Oh, shit. Jimmy, what's the gayest thing you've ever done?

I'm asking the tough questions here tonight. I'm going full Barbara. The gayest thing I've ever done. She's like, what the fuck is going on right now? You're not wrong. The gayest thing I've ever done, I was a figure skater. Whoa. Is that true? It's very wrong. The gayest thing I've ever done, I was a figure skater. Whoa. Is that true?

It's very true. Tonya Hardy has nothing on me. Wow. I had the triple axel at 11 years old. Are you serious? Swear to God, I'm a whole lot. Can you still, like, jump and twirl around? Did you say the triple axel?

I can touch my toes. From triple axel to triple XL. From a... From triple axel to triple XO. From, uh... I was gonna say from triple axel to triple asshole. Triple axel to dripping asshole. Wow, the band is out of control right now. They are passing and shooting and making and rebounding and dunking. My goodness. How many of you think we should never have Jeremiah on another episode again?

That's it. I should have went home. What was I doing? What do you mean? I don't know. This is fun. I'm having so much fun. Merry Christmas. What would you be doing if you were at home?? What do you mean? I don't know. This is fun. I'm having so much fun. Merry Christmas.

What would you be doing if you were at home? Watching Pornhub. I don't know. Wow. Probably still shitting. Do I look fat, though? I look that fat? No, you look great.

You look great. I'm like, Jesus, I lost one pound. Give me that, Jeff. What, in the bathroom? I love it, Jimmy. Well, you the bathroom? I love it, Jimmy. Well, you ended up having the best of both worlds. You're the rare comedian that got to use the bathroom and get called up on stage.

You can thank Jeff Ross and the Christmas spirits and all that for that. Congratulations, Jimmy. Happy Hanukkah. Come back again soon, Jimmy. I will come back. There he goes everybody Jimmy Rogers everyone

I pulled a name out Before letting him do that And it's an interesting name Very rarely do we have a Karen on this show I'm excited to see what happens here Make some noise for Karen Briski everyone Karen Briski Briski, everyone. Karen Briski.

Briski. That's right. Check out Thick Skin at Jeffrey Ross' podcast. He's got a bunch of tour dates at RoastmasterGeneral.com. Thanks, Tony. All around, bumping mics. Is Karen coming? Oh, here she is. Okay, Jesus.

I'm sorry. Who's next on The Price is Right? Come on, everyone. One more time for Karen Briskey. 60 seconds uninterrupted starts now. Hi, I was Facebook stalking my ex-girlfriends. I do that from time to time.

I realize they all have a strong resemblance to my father. Even the same mustache. I normally just date girls, but I have dated a dude or two in my life. And I dated this black dude. I didn't really date him. I was, like, hooking up with a black guy. And my dad was kind of nervous about with a black guy, and my dad

was kind of nervous about it, because of racism, stuff like that, and he kept trying, he kept trying to say, like, don't do anything you don't want to do, but he didn't want to come out and directly say that, but I was like, dad, why are you so nervous? Only white guys rate me. I'm happy to be here. So close to the holiday. I've been watching that Jeffrey Dahmer. Fuck, I keep confusing Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy. But I'll save my Ted Bundy stuff for another time. All right, there you go.

Karen Briski. Welcome, Karen. You've been on this show before, correct? Yeah. Heck yeah, talking to that microphone there. What happened last time you were on? What did we end up talking about the most, do you think? My newsletter.

Your what? Dane Cook said I looked like all the Peanuts characters rolled into one. You said... You said that... I said? You said that I got my fashion sense from Roseanne Barr. That's true. I stand by that. This is a different outfit, right?

I mean, that looks straight out of her closet. Yeah. What else was said? Well, I tried to get Dan Cook to subscribe to my newsletter, but he wouldn't. He wouldn't. Your what?

Your newsletter? Yeah. I send out... Who the fuck writes a newsletter? What's your newsletter about? Oh, well, it changes. Lately, it's been about comedy. Yeah?

Yeah. What's the breaking news this week? Breaking news this week, I guess I could talk about the... I haven't written a newsletter in a few months. In a few months? I used to write them every month to my friends and family in Chicago. But I wanted to stay in touch and I wanted them to feel like it was personal. So I just send out like a mass email.

Made in MailChimp with pictures and whatnot. Made in what? MailChimp. MailChimp? It's a service that does mailing lists that I thought went out of business 20 years ago. That's not true. No, I know. It's an email marketing system.

I did think that, yes. What? Nothing. Wow. Are you kidding? I did think they went out of business. What are you talking about? Never mind.

What? MailChimp? There you go. We're talking about, we're having a tech talk over here all of a sudden. Email marketing service. Wow. It's current. My goodness.

I thought MailChimp was the guy that fucks Aphrodite. I'm way off. I don't know what we're talking about anymore. But can I not make that joke and be on SNL? I guess not. Probably not. There it is. There goes my lifelong dream of. All right. So, Karen, tell us something about you that we didn't talk about last time, because the newsletter, frankly, I could see why you stopped writing it a few months ago. I could see people weren't really responding well to it. I'm taking a bartending class. Uh-huh. Bartending?

Yeah. Is that what you want to do, bartend? The personality like yours? You ever thought of taking a chicken-tending class? Hey, welcome to my bar. Would you like a drink or something? You can chase it with this newsletter that I wrote. What are you going to do with a bartending class?

Hopefully meet people who can tell me stuff about comedy. Your clients are going to drink themselves to death. They're going to never leave that bar. You're going to have to sweep them up like it's Showtime at the Apollo at the end of the night. It'll be called the Roseanne Bar. Hey! Somebody get a fire extinguisher. Chroma Chris is burning hot tonight. Wow.

Look at this. This is what happens when Jeremiah's away. This is like the Lakers stepping it up with a ninja LeBron James. Winning playoff games over here. Well, you know, when you got the power of God. It works every time. Did you just give Jesus the peace sign, Phil? I gave him a big fat kiss.

That's the only guy I love. The only guy I'm allowed to love. Now, I didn't hear a lot of gay stuff in your set, too, and I just want anybody to know, I had a lot of gay feelings myself. I've shoved all of those down, and I'm so happy with the Lord, and you guys could be too.

You could keep all your gay feelings in the backpack. Yeah, and surprisingly enough, we also have newsletters. Holy shit. Wow. You only like Jesus because he has long hair, right? You can pretend he's a girl. Yeah, I mean, he's really muscular and strong, and I like what he says,

and just sometimes I imagine him next to me in bed just whispering into my ear the word of God. Wow, Jesus. Phil, my God. You're like Aphrodite in the men's room. You're getting all hot and heavy over there. I understand how hard that was to watch those men in those dicks, but... My goodness.

Wow. So, Karen, what do you do, like, socially? You ever go hang out with friends? What do you do, like, in real life when you're not writing newsletters or taking a bartending class? Like, you ever hang out with other people in normal life? Yeah. Like what? I go to the dog park with my dog.

Uh-huh. And I have some other friends who have dogs. We congregate there. What kind of dog? Oh, I have a dog that's real cute, but I don't know what he is. He's a mixture. He's a rescue. Kind of like you.

Perfect. I am a rescue, Kind of like you. Perfect. I am a rescue, actually. Foster kid. Oh, really? Yeah, I have a lot in common with my dog. They went to the pound. Picked me up. You have a kid?

Is that what you said? You adopted a kid? I was a rescue myself. Oh, you really were? You were a foster child. Yeah. Do you mind if I ask where? Chicago. Chicago. Wow. Do you mind if I ask where? Chicago.

It was alright. That sounds intense. It was intense. Do you have jokes about it? Actually, it was in a house, hence foster home. Wow. Is that what gave you a sense of humor to be a comedian, you think? Yeah, definitely. Because I feel like you take no

shit. What? I feel like if people Yeah. You seem like the type of person with your boots like, you know, like when we were when Tony was like making fun of you you were just like fucking Wonder Woman with your hands on your hips.

And you were like, alright, I don't care, whatever it is. Oh my goodness. Wow. Kevin Smith, what do you think about Karen Brisky? I thought her set was funny in a Stephen Wright kind of way. But what I've noticed is your center of gravity keeps pulling you back and back and back. You're going to be in the drum set very soon. What's back there? What do you know

that we don't, man? You know the place is on fire and you're trying to get to the exit before us. Come up here. Join us. Last time I was here, you had a dildo on. Oh, that's it. So that's why you were pulling back? That's why I feel called to him. Maybe it's Jesus.

Oh, there he goes. You just tempted him to the dark side, I do believe. My goodness gracious, Karen. Well, any big plans for the holidays? We're right here. We're in the Christmas week coming up here in Los Angeles. What are you going to be doing? I'm going to my... I'm Jewish.

Wow, look at that. There it is. The famous purple dildo. Whoa. Oh, my God. Karen almost pretended like she knew where that goes. I guess you're not going to need that marshmallow lollipop I got you. Oh, Karen, I gave those up years ago. I'm doing a Hanukkah thing, Christmas thing with my friends on Wednesday, which is Christmas. I'm going to bring my dog.

She just got a new dog. I got them some stuff. I don't like, this is not as, this is hollow. I feel like you'd only know what to do with that if we put it in a bun. Now give it back. Anything else for Karen, guys? It was a fun performance. You did it.

Karen Briski, everyone. I like your vibe. Yeah. I like your vibe, Tony. She is. She's rock solid. Great delivery. Great stuff.

Karen Briski, everybody. She's Karen's stand-up, all one word, on social media. Forever. Whoa! What? Wow! Ladies and gentlemen. What? Ron White on episode 420

of Kill Tony with a lit joint as only he can do. But I do not smoke weed. And if you do, I'm against you. I am against you and I'm going to hold it against you. Wow, this is so exciting.

Legend. It's the great Kevin Smith. You guys ever meet before? Kevin Smith, Ron White. How about this? Two just fucking superhuman beings meeting each other. Going to watch some stand-up comedy together. You going to stick around, hang out with us? Yeah, for a little bit.

I'm doing a set in about an hour and a half in this room. So I got a little time to kill because I got here early. I love it. I love it. David, grab a third chair for us wherever you are. He's already on it. You guys ready for this? Get back to the bucket.

Ron White, Kevin Smith, Jeff Ross. Who knows what else can happen tonight? You know this is episode 420, Ron. Thank you very much. I can't wait. Of course. I'm going to be surprised if this person's here. This seems like a simple name. It seems like

this person might not be here. That's what my gut tells me. Put your hands together for Lil In. Lil In. Lilin. L-I-L-I-N. Probably not a white guy. Is this a real person? Here we go. Here comes Lilin.

Here we go. Here comes Lillen. Here we go. Lillen. Coming from the lobby area. Listen to that trumpet, Tony. Yeah. Come on, guys. One more time for Lillen, everybody. We're live at the Comedy Store.

60 seconds uninterrupted starts now. One more time for Lillen, everyone. It's Lillen, actually, but it's okay. White people can't pronounce my name. So I'm the evil bitch of Orange County. What's up? So clap if you guys believe that opposites attract. All right, that's like quarter of the room.

I think I'm going to be okay. I'm single because I know I'm going to find a nice guy because I'm an evil bitch, right? That's how it works. So I'm divorced, been divorced for one year now. Give it up for my divorce-a-versary. Woo! So a Mexican man married a Chinese woman

to get an American green card. This is 2019, folks. This is 2019. But we had fun. He's Latino, and I'm Chinese. If we had a daughter, she'd be called a cantina. I don't really like that. I don't think it's a good start in life.

But he taught me some Spanish. Any Spanish speakers in the house? All right., you guys ready to learn a very useful face? Alright, that's my time. Thank you. Leland. Leland. On the show.

Give it up for Ali Rong. Heck yeah. See that right there? Look at that. Great minds. I was going to say Bobby Shee, actually, but I love that. So welcome to the show, Leland. You're newer to stand-up comedy.

We've never seen you before. How long have you been doing it? 60 days. 60 days. Oh, my goodness. What is this, a juice cleanse or something? Is this a 90-day fiancé sort of thing? Who counts the days like this? What happened 60 days ago?

What made you start? Tell us about it, Leland. So I got tired of dating these losers on dating apps, and my friends got tired of complaining. So I decided, let's do an open mic. I've reached that point in my life. And have you been going with this evil bitch thing? Is that like your backbone?

That's your perspective? Yeah, I have Genghis Khan DNA. So I have rapists and pillagers in my blood. Oh my goodness. I picked two fights with two comics outside. Wait, say that again? Picked two fights with two mediocre male comedians outside the store. Yes.

Wow, what are you guys fighting about? This is exciting. I like this. Because they told me I should quit comedy because I'm a little girl who just started. They said that? Yeah. I never see these people say these things. I hear about this secondhand.

Check my social media. Wait, what? Check my social media. We're beefing. Oh. Well, now that you've told us to check your social media, I agree with them. I think you should quit comedy. I was on your side there for a second.

No, I'm kidding, Leland. I'm just joking. I'm just kidding. I think you mean you're broccoli beefing. Oh. Leland, how do you know these guys? How did that argument even start? You met them tonight?

Because I posted that smart women marry rich and this guy's like, well, if you don't like broke people you shouldn't do comedy and I'm like, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? And then he's like, you're not in it for the art. You don't care about the craft. You only care about being rich and famous on Netflix and Comedy Central.

Wow. That's what they told me. My goodness. He still thinks you can get rich and famous on Comedy Central? That's incredible. I think that I can tell that deep down inside, you're kind of a bitch, right? I see it. I see it.

It is genuineness. It is. It's refreshing how open you are with how big a bitch you are. I want to hear some of the highlights. I want to know your highlight reel. What are some of the bitchiest things you've done? What are some of your

what's your bitch mount bitch more? What are your four bitchiest moments? You seem like the kind of chick that would light an ex's car on fire or something like that. Am I right? I don't give back at people. I just live my best life. That means guilty as charged.

That means the car is burning out front right now. It's okay. You say that you're an evil bitch. What are some of the most evil things you've done? I don't think I do much. I just say a lot of stuff.

Like what? You guys think gold diggers are evil? I need to know. Yeah? Okay. I'd have to see you naked. You're going to have... My deposit is a five-carat canary diamond ring with an asher cut setting.

So if you can't afford that, no sex. You're out of work. Yeah. Yeah, diamond is forever, but a woman's beauty. I mean, it's like 28 years, right? I mean, come on. Let's be realistic. Just kidding, everyone.

These are all great fortune cookie things, you know? Is that true? Are you a gold digger? Are you a self-admitted gold digger? Yes, I'm a diamond digger. Is that true? Yes. How many diamonds do you have? You're not even wearing anything. I don't have any. That's why I need a gift. My goodness. Gracious. So

has this ever worked for you, gold digging? I'm trying my best right now. Don't you like to gold dig have to be hot? No. Oh, shit. What is that? What is that?

What is he lighting on fire? This is not going to work. I'll tell you what it is. It's broken. Incense. Nice. Is that incense? Yeah, sure. It is now.

All right. Whoa. All right. Definitely going to be a fire alarm going off. Happy Chinese New Year, you idiots. Put it out, Joel. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it out. Put it off. Happy Chinese New Year, you idiots. You guys wouldn't know this, but rich men prefer personality, okay? I love it. Wait, what'd you say?

You guys wouldn't know this, but rich men prefer women with personality. Is that true? Yes. And what a bubbly personality you've got. Yeah. Wow. That is resting bitch face. If you ever wonder

what resting bitch face is, there it is. Throttle down and you're just running on idle, right? And that's the mouth you make right there. Yeah.

Small, glum. I think it's called Peking duck lips. I loved it's called Peking Duck Lips I loved it Come sit on Tony Do not repeat that It's in the spirit of

Kill Tony I love it of course I actually Don't think you're there yet It's only been two months None of that matters But I love your Fucking spunk

Like you're fearless Like punk rock. Like, I got no act. I'm just going to see what happens. I'm going to. Absolutely. No, like, I like that. After 60 days, I'm okay with that.

As long as you, like, follow the rules and don't disrespect the other comedians. I fucking like a little punk rock out there. Absolutely. If you want to steal your ex-boyfriend's mother's coat and wear it on stage, you fucking do it. I love it. I agree. I mean, you seem like if you've been

doing this years and that was your act and this was your attitude, I would be like, oh, this is a tough situation. But 60 days in, it seems like you're having fun. It seems like this is something exciting. It doesn't seem like she's having fun. I don't know. She broke there.

Look at that. The emoji totally changed right there. It went from the straight line to the tears out of the sides real quick. I love it. And also, I would say that, I mean, for real, you just need to be sure and enunciate. Be sure they understand what you're saying and don't mumble through any of it because the content will come around. But you first have to learn that communication skill of making sure they understand and don't be timid at any point and you're not timid overall. So anyway, congratulations.

A hundred percent. How about Kevin Smith? Do you have anything for this young whippersnapper 60 days into show business? Kevin, you've seen it all. What's your happiest memory? I don't have one. He just told you to fucking speak up, man.

Speak up. English is not my first language. Not bad. You know what? I've been corrected. Sorry. What is your first language? Chinese.

Oh, wow. Boy, the protests are happening. I don't know. There you go. Well, Leland, 60 days in, you're fearless. You're signing up for a show like this. You just got, I don't know, maybe a combined total of a century's worth of wisdom

from these three guys, right? Of experience and information. So you've got yourself in a position 60 days in to be doing something. Leland, everybody. Chinese. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Have a joint, Leland.

Hey, do you want a joint? Hey, somebody throw this, somebody throw her this joint. Come sit on Santa's lap. Where'd she go? Here you go. It's coming at you right this way. You got that? Oh, there's Brandon.

There you go. Just a quick question. In the obvious Leland biopic they'll eventually make, Yeah. who plays all of us? That's a good question. Because this was a make or break moment

in her career. It feels like it broke well. Like, could have went shitty, but she's got some good advice and stuff. It's 20 minutes into the biopic. This is before she falls in. I think The Rock plays me. I think George Clooney. I think, who do you want to play you?

The first guy who came up was pretty good. Bring him back. He can play me. And Tony and Brian should play themselves. That means I'll probably lose that role to someone that can play me better.

A professional actor. A Tony Hinchcliffe type. Yeah, exactly. I want Lou Diamond Phillips to play me. Oh. Lou Diamond Phillips is the only diamond

that Leland might ever be able to score from a guy. Poor Jeremiah is not going to be in that movie either. Yeah, that's true. He's going to be pissed. He's out. Well, we have a couple regulars on this show, ladies and gentlemen. This is an exciting thing.

One of our regulars, the very silly and goofy William Montgomery is back in Tennessee what a nightmare yeah he's probably pounding down antacid and eating bear pills or something like that but our other regular is here ladies and gentlemen he's an unbelievable writer these guys write and perform a brand new minute every single week. They don't come out of the bucket. It's a hard position to do, and somehow they come through every week with a brand new minute in front of this live audience and the internet.

One of my favorite comedians, a regular on Kill Tony. Make some noise for him. It's David Lucas, everybody. Here we go. Monster. David Lucas. Yeah. Yeah.

I believe if white people could give birth to dogs, y'all would. For real. White people are fascinated with dogs. Y'all so fascinated with dogs, y'all get excited when y'all pick up their shit. Y'all don't invent a dog pickup shit bag. It's funny though because in a white household, a dog can fuck around

And be left a million dollars You know what I'm saying The only thing a black dog Is gonna inherit Is the dog house that the dog before him had And if he's lucky He might get a new hubcap to eat out of You know what I'm saying

Black dogs Black dogs. Black dogs. I remember once... No problem. Hell yeah, dogs. I love it. A new minute from David Lucas. David, always smashing. Notorious

for roasting the panel. Take it easy on these guys. I want these guys to come back. Yeah, I wore a... You look like a Christmas wrap dildo. All right. All right. How dare you? You look like what Santa puts in the stockings

of the bad kids. You look like you host a game show called Coming Out of the Closet. All right. All right. All right. You look like you host a game show called Meal or No Meal. What are you staring at me for?

What are we doing? We're done here. We're done here. You look like you put a dildo in the chimney for Santa to land on. Why would I do that? Why would I? Santa's wearing pants. He's not coming down butt first.

He's coming feet first. When referring to Tony, when they talk about Santa coming out of a chimney, they talk about a different chimney. All right. Coming from a guy that looks like he's been stuck in a chimney for three months. Just making his own snow cones halfway through the middle of it. You look like you're going to have to arm wrestle Drew Carey for the Price is Right job. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Tater Salad Ron, one of my favorite comedians, bro. Hell, yeah. Ron White. You're meeting Ron White. Kevin Smith. Y'all don't call him Tater Salad? Black people call him Tater Salad.

He know where that egg come from. What about the great Kevin Smith? You love clerks at every fast food restaurant you go to throughout the day. You motherfucker. I fuck with Jay and Silent Bob, but that jacket look like it belong on me. That motherfucker,

he look like he got, he drunk some Dr. Doolittle, I mean, some Nutty Professor juice. Still got the fat nigga clothes on. David, you're fucking crushing this Kill Tony show, bro. Yeah, he is. I love it, man. You look like

Paula Deen's son. Paula Deen's son? Does that mean I have to call you the N-word? Wow. Only during sex, motherfucker. Wow. Incredible, David Lucas. Yeah.

My goodness, an unstoppable force. So how's life been going? We miss anything crazy in your life this past week? A lot of things coming up in 2020, bro. Eric Griffin taking me to the punchline with him in Atlanta. So I'm doing that shit. January 23rd through the 25th. I just did a weekend with fucking the end.

What's that white boy name? He was up here and I said he looked sleepy. Adam Ray? Adam Ray, yeah. Oh, nice. You did a weekend with him? You don't remember his name? Jesus Christ, dude.

That's a way to get people to take you on the road with him. Fuck, man. I'm fucking up, man. Shit. Heck yeah. Are you working at the comedy store tonight? I see you got your shirt on. Yeah, I'm in the belly room on some bullshit. Heck yeah. Speaking of belly room, man. Shit. Heck yeah. Are you working at the comedy store tonight? I see you got your shirt on. Yeah, I'm in the belly room on some bullshit.

Heck yeah. Speaking of belly room, there you are. You're perfect. That's you. Built like the original room, though. You look like you got a Christmas cactus, nigga. All right. Well, I actually do.

Anyway. So, David actually do. Anyway. So, David, is this true about white dogs and black dogs? Have you had dogs before in your life? I was going to finish the story. So when I was a kid, man, I had a German Shepherd named Princess. Named what? Princess. She was a girl.

Princess died while we were at school, my great daddy went and bought another dog And named him the same shit And act like we weren't gonna know That was the second part to the story I'm like this is a fucking white dog How old were you? Whatever the fourth grade is I don't know

Y'all do the math That depends how smart you are Fourth grade Whatever the fourth grade is. I don't know. Y'all do the math. Eight? Yep. That depends how smart you are. Yeah. Fourth grade, you were probably 18 or 19 at the time. Tony only went to school to play dodgeball.

He put his ass out. Hit me in the ass. What the fuck are you talking about right now? You like to play dodgeball and get hit in the ass What the fuck are you talking about right now You like to play dodgeball And get hit in the ass Come on You like to play darts with your booty Oh come on Not all of us can be the grand champion

Tug of war winner Heck yeah Alright David well you did it again Another incredible week Another brand new minute Roasting your favorite people. You're an absolute monster. This is a huge star you're watching.

Just doing a brand new minute before going and working the door here at the Comedy Store. You're going to say that you saw him here for the rest of your life. He's a monster. How about one more time for David Lucas? So, William Montgomery's out of town, but I figured why not do something fun and have a guy who has been on this show, I believe, three times total now. Every time, he's absolutely destroyed.

I talked about him on an episode of Rogan a couple weeks ago. He has Lou Gehrig's disease and absolutely steals the show every time he's been on. So we're just going to give him William's spot for the night. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the one and only Michael Lehrer, everyone. Here he is. Yeah. Give me some fucking mic slack. What the fuck?

Hey, if you're not a doctor, no advice. Oh, you should try the paleo diet. Eat like a caveman. No legumes. Yeah, that's the problem. Legumes. If legumes caught this, my neurologist

will blow his fucking brains out. Oh, have you tried CBD? It's like weed, but it won't get you high. Fuck that! Give me some crack cocaine. I want some crocodile. Some heroin.

Spice me up. What's the worst that can happen? I lose the ability to walk and talk? Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, the kill streak continues for Michael Lehrer. An unbelievable story.

An unbelievable comedian. No doubt. You're a fucking rock star, Michael. What is this, your third or fourth time on? Third. Third time, motherfucker. Every time. Absolutely destroying. Third.

You've been in the comedy business for 20 years. 20 years. And you got back into stand-up exactly how long ago? Five months. Five months ago, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, how do you like that, motherfuckers? Yeah. And this is very exciting.

And how long ago did you get diagnosed with ALS? Why you gotta bring up all the depression shit? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Let's talk about drugs and fucking. All right, fine. All right, fine. All right, fine. Whatever you want. Yeah, hell yeah.

I get it from you. I get it from my nurse-like girlfriend. Heck yeah. She's mad because my bucket list has too much butt fucking on it. You know? I think the butt is a really good sequel to the pussy. Like, the pussy is the Terminator. The butt is Terminator 2.

Oh, my God. The pussy is Godfather. The butt is Godfather 2. The pussy is Mountain Dew. The butt is Mountain Dewberry Blast.

This guy is unstoppable. Fuck with me. Fuck with me. Fuck with me. Fuck with me. No one wants to fuck with you, Michael. Everybody loves you here. Everybody loves you.

Guys, this is your first time seeing Michael Lehrer. This is what he does every time he's on this show. No doubt. every time he's on this show. No doubt. I'm the hottest thing in Hollywood right now. You're absolutely right. I'm the next R.J. Mike from Breaking Bad. You know, Walter's son?

Breaking Bad? My ass been broke yeah i can alphabet super holly when motherfuckers want a piece of my broken ass wow i mean what can i say just wow. Dude, I'm probably going to Skank Fest. Wow. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Better invite me.

Yeah, they're coming next week. Those guys are going to be here. I know. I'm going to corner them. Yeah. Hey, Puerto Rican rattlesnake, I'll put a whole maplada on you and jujitsu your bitch ass. Wow. He just called out Luis J. Gomez, who literally fights everyone. He'll probably actually try to fight you, Michael. I don't like this at all.

Well, good news is I only fight you, Michael. I don't like this at all. The good news is I only fight Puerto Ricans. Hey, can I say something? You can say whatever you want at this point, Michael. I'm going to skank fest. Alright? I'm going to

perform. I'm going to do Kill Tony, but I'm only going there for one reason, really. What is it? To murder Jim Florentine. Wow. Why do you want to do that? He broke my heart.

How did he do that? A year and a half ago, I emailed him to make my wish because his crank calls made me laugh and then crank anchors got rebooted and he's been ghosting me for a year and a half you're that you fucking Hollywood

cuck motherfucker what the fuck Tony this is what happens everybody gets a taste of success What the fuck, Tony? This is what happens. Everybody gets a taste of success. They just start torching bridges immediately. I killed three times on Kill Tony.

Fuck you, Jim Florentine. Yo, I'm from Queens, New York. We don't play, all right? Wow. No doubt. This is your guys' first time seeing Michael. Anything that, any initial thoughts? I feel like this is what Kurt Cobain,

if he survived the shooting. He's still breathing! I would say he's like Nirvana, but he seems more like a no-doubt type of guy to me. I'm just a girl. I gotta tell you, I was thoroughly motherfucking entertained by this guy. Yeah! Run, run, y'all.

I wanted to get high with my wife. On some speed weed. That's right. How about Kevin Smith? This is your first time seeing Michael Lehrer, right? Absolutely. First time I thought Michael was absolutely

hysterical. I thought I was a huge fan when Michael came in on the final season of Facts of Life, but I really liked him. I really liked him tonight. That's my cousin! How rude! She got her neck straightened out. Michael, you are unstoppable.

What's up with the Superman outfit tonight? It's a metaphor for what a hero I am. Oh, my God. Wow. Clearly, ALS does not affect one's ego whatsoever. I love it. I love it. It can get everything,

but it cannot take down your fucking unstoppable confidence. Look at you. Look at this fucking guy just mugging the camera, soaking it in, doing his best impression of The Rock over here. Just imagine if he didn't touch the kryptonite. Oh, man. All right. That's the best Mormon joke ever.

Well, Michael, you're an absolute monster. And, you know, it's just incredible. And I love your style. What do you say you come back next week and you can showcase for Louis J. and Big J. right in front of them for Skank Fest? Let's do it. You won't need to corner them. We'll put them on the hot spot.

We'll see if they can turn you down in front of all these people how about one more time for Michael Lehrer everybody huh standing ovation from a guy in the middle he stands because Michael can't there he goes everybody

his wheelchair isn't the only thing electric about him. His personality is as well. Very powerful. I'm pretty sure that was Sasha Baron Cohen. Okay, pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys ready for this? Want to finish the show strong?

One more name, huh? All right. Here we go. Your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Luke Oye. Luke Oye. Oh, here he is, Luke Oy, everybody. Throwing out joints. Come on, one more time for Luke, everyone. What the fuck is going on, Comedy Store?

As you can see, I suffer from depression. And I've been seeing a therapist about it, and it's been going super smooth, but the other day, the therapist accused me of doing coke, and he, like, I can't afford coke, bro. Like, are you listening to my stories? Like, shit. Damn. My life's pretty sad, you know?

Like, nothing's sadder than picturing 22-year-old me laying outside my roommate's bedroom, masturbating to him and his girlfriend having sex, you know? Nothing's sadder. Until you realize I still live at home with my parents. Dad was really laying it down last night. I'll tell you what. There he is, Luke Oye. I love it.

Heck yeah. Absolutely. It's like they cloned Tony, but it's not funny. Oh, this poor kid. You 21, pal? 22. 22, absolute. This is like so fucking surreal.

Yeah. I was listening to this like three years ago just being like, man, I wish. Absolutely. To think just yesterday you just wanted to be a dentist. That's all you ever wanted. End up getting dragged to the North Pole and whatnot. So welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up for Pole and whatnot. So welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up?

I've been doing stand-up for six months now. Six months. Yes. Heck yeah. It's nice to finally see another Mormon comic on stage. Phil Watkins. Just getting the Lord's name out there. Absolutely.

Is that true? You still live with your parents? Unfortunately, yeah. Right. Where at? Huntington Beach. Right. Where at? Huntington Beach. Oh, a lot of Huntington Beach energy coming in here tonight. I hear there's a lot of abortions down there.

Yeah, there is. I was one of the failed ones, so. Yeah. You had to be here earlier, Ron, to get that one. I'm sorry. He's the guy that had a lot. I knew I was missing something. But you know what? I just wanted to say that you did great

considering you went on after an exceptionally very funny show tonight. Is he really last? Is that what you said, Tony? You said he's the last comedian? If this is how we're ending the fucking show, then we need to do something else. We either all need to tell

a Christmas joke, or we need to just fucking beat the shit out of this guy. You have any special skills or talents or anything like that? I don't have a special skill or talent, but I have a pretty good story that might still get me in legal ramifications

if they find out that I told it. Well, then maybe don't tell that one. He doesn't listen to comedy at all, so... Imagine if we all get subpoenaed into some bullshit because... Because fucking... I don't know. Well, let me tell you this. When I was your age,

I also had no skills whatsoever. And nobody can really appreciate how difficult stand-up comedy is until you've tried to do it with that material. But I did not start doing stand-up until I was 29 years old. So you've got me by seven years. And if you learn how to be true to your nature with as good a stage presence you have after only six months,

you know, I think you, you know, fuck, why not you? Heck yeah. You could just be like Ron. That's Ron fucking White. Yeah, and he's telling you that. You could be like Ron Whitest. No, you're not going to be, but I'm saying you could be.

No, I know. It for sure won't work. Does it ever? Fuck no, it never does. I could maybe perform in the same city as you one day or something like that. Yeah, absolutely. You just did. You just fucking did.

Yeah, I did. Yeah. I think you'll be on your own blue-collar tour, because I think you're going to end up being a mailman. Yeah. You're like Larry the can't afford cable guy. I don't have cable at all, too. That's what's funny.

That's cool. You're not missing much these days. Needs cable. You look like you watch everything on TikTok. He looks like he jerks off to Disney Plus. I love it. I agree with Jeff. We're going to get you out of here because we can't end this show like this.

I know you've got to get... Tony, I know he's got to get back online in Star Wars. It's weird. He's the second funniest sitting comedian of the night. I know. If you had ALS, they'd be fucking giving you

a standing ovation right now. It's been ten minutes. Everybody's already trying to steal Michael Lair's act. Alright, there he goes. Luke, away everybody. I don't know. What do you think, Jeff? How do we end a big thing like this?

What's your advice, Jeff? How do we end a big thing like this? What's your advice, Jeff? Episode 420? You think we should just... Oh, here you go. I think this is illegal to give a 22-year-old this, but it says he's 22. What do you think the move is here? One more?

One more? All right, let's see what happens. Kevin Pickett. Alright, let's see what happens. Oh, hey, look. The girl that looks like Melissa Villasenor is here. Stand up and wave to everybody. Look at this. It is the strongest doppelganger in the history of human beings. Again, that is not Melissa Villasenor from Saturday Night

Live. You look exactly like her. It's frightening. Does that look like Melissa? Okay, put your hands together for Tyler G, everyone. Here we go. Tyler G, is that right? Am I saying that right? At Zane Hawkins 11.

Here we go. One more time for your final comedian of the night. It's Tyler G. How you doing? Let me kick a few elephants out of the room real quick. I don't go on marches with a bunch of dudes that look like me. Never owned a torch. Not a cop.

Won too many felonies for that gig. And I know some guys in Idaho right now telling his buddies, look at this faggoty-ass motherfucker. He's probably about to tell us he's one of those homosexuals or something. That's what they do with L.A. shows. And I know I sound like I know I sound like I'm gargling on a

10 pound bag of bison testicles. Oh my god. What happened? Oh, okay. But no, not gay. One more! No, not gay. I'm not fucking up. I'm just a little nervous. My goodness.

Tyler, what a faggot you are. I know. I'm kidding. I'm not a faggot. I know I look gay. I'm just kidding. It was just because of your homophobic material. I figured that would be the coolest thing to call you right then.

I didn't think it was homophobic. It was just a joke because you're talking about L.A. and homos and all that, so I called you a faggot because it seems like you would hate that. No. I'm not gay. I know I look gay, but I simply have Hinchcliffe syndrome. You sound gay. Straight white man that sounds and looks gay.

Amen. Hinchcliffe syndrome. Okay. You got me there. I know. Are you the guy that sends in the crazy drum videos every week? Yeah, that's me. Amen. Hitchcock syndrome. Okay, you got me there. Are you the guy that sends in the crazy drum videos every week? Yep, that's me. Wow, this is it. That's the minute that you prepared? That's it. My goodness.

Hey, Tony. I don't even think we could do this. First time ever doing stand-up. That's your first time ever doing stand-up. Alright. Well, there you go. Very difficult. I mean, I don't know. I just don't feel like we could even.

I didn't think it was homophobic to call myself faggoty ass. Say that again. I really didn't think it was homophobic to call myself faggoty ass. Oh, I didn't notice that part. Oh, okay. It all just seemed hateful and unfunny to me, so I didn't. Definitely not hateful, my friend. No, it's all good. Definitely not hateful, my friend. No, it's all good.

Definitely not hateful. I love the show. I love you. I love everything about it. Well, there you go. I hate your guts. But you do know how to play the drums. Do you guys think we should end this thing with a Mexican drum off just based on principle?

I don't know. It's episode 420. We might as well do it. This guy plays the drums. Put your hands together. This is a Mexican drum off to end the episode 420. We might as well do it. This guy plays the drums. Put your hands together. This is a Mexican drum off to end the episode, everyone. So maybe you guys know, maybe you don't know, but get back there. But he has a chance right now to become the new full-time drummer of the band.

Anybody who can play the drums can challenge Joel for his job, which he's never lost. I believe he's something like 39 and 0 all time in Mexican drum offs in which it's a drum solo competition to where if the person wins, they get Joel's job. I think you guys get it. Is this okay with you that we do this? Would you guys rather say fuck it and go to the bucket one more time with just a new minute? No, we're going to do the Mexican drama. If only comedians want that. You would be the least likable.

You are the least likable challenger in the history of the show, I'll tell you that. It's really going to take a miracle for you to win, but let's see it anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, Tyler G. Thank you. Wow, it's going on for a while. Wow. There it is. Tyler G., they're already chanting Jolberg. This is like nothing we've ever seen before.

These people want the champion. No better way to end an episode than like this. I present to you, undefeated all time, he said that he will kill himself on this stage before ever losing a Mexican drum-off. I present to you, undefeated all time, he said that he will kill himself on this stage before ever losing a Mexican drum op. I present to you the anchor of the band and the leader for the night, the one and only, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everybody. Here

we go. What the fuck is that? It's illegal in fucking 47 states. It barely fits in this thing. What the fuck? What the fuck is happening? Let's just say I'm glad this guy's mom's dead or else I'd have to fuck her in front of him. All right.

Oh, my God. All right. Here he is defending his throne. Undefeated all time. I can't believe we even have to go through the ropes here. But here he is to bring us home. The one and only Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everybody. Here it is. ¶¶ Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. This guy should fucking kill himself right now. What an idiot. These fucking losers. I swear to God, it's the best night of their fucking life because of me. Suck my dick. Go fuck yourself. Get the fuck off my stage.

Wow. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Wow. My goodness. I have to ask, how many of you have Tyler G winning that drum off? How many of you have Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez retaining his title? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. He just did the front handspring ladies and gentlemen how loud can this place get his first time on this show we're so honored to have the great Kevin Smith everybody we did it it's all happening

the Hollywood Babylon happens New Year's Eve at the Improv the Jay and Silent Bob reboot roadshow tour goes all around the country they've already done a lot of dates a lot more go Go find that. The Roastmaster General was here. Jeffrey Ross, ladies and gentlemen. He's on tour as always with Bumping Mics with Dave Attell,

the Thick Skin Podcast. Go to roastmastergeneral.com for tickets. And what a pleasant surprise on 420. We're going to be joined by the great Ron White, everyone. One of the goats. Three of the goats. Three of the greatest all-time comedic entertainers of our fucking

and many other generations. We're so happy that you guys were here for episode 420 of our very pot-friendly podcast. So, an honor. Thank you, guys. How about one more time for Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, the leader of the band, Ludwig's sponsored artist, an official Ludwig artist. Brought it home tonight, mostly, sorry, on social media.

Anything else, Joel? I hope that guy's dead. I love you guys. Peace. I mean, wow. When the brother's away, the sister will play. How about one more time for the great Jesse Johnson? Phil Watkins over there.

Wow. Unbelievable performance tonight. Mind-blowing. You are at Jetski Johnson, all one word, on all social media platforms. Incredible performance tonight. Thank you so much. Anything else you want to say or plug? Vegas, I'll be back January 10th at the Dirty at 1230.

There you go. One more question for Kevin. Yeah. Kevin, could there ever be a movie version of Kill Tony? Yeah, but the live element would be missing from it, so you would have to tour the movie. Like Rocky Horror. Yes.

Absolutely. So there would still be that live element to it, because as fun as it is up here, the audience kind of makes the show. Well Rocky Horror. Yes. Absolutely. So there would still be that live element to it because as fun as it is up here, the audience kind of makes the show. Well done everybody. You guys made the show tonight. I agree. Thank you so much. How about one more hand for the great Chroma Chris over there. Silent but deadly.

Be sure to check out that Baby Boys album on Spotify. That's right. Absolutely. And I want to give a shout out to somebody. I want you guys that you kill Tony listeners to do me a favor. I told a guy that I was going to put him up last week, and I totally forgot about it. It got lost in my notes. But he was coming down from San Francisco.

I told him that next time he comes to the Comedy Store, I'll put him up. He was here. He messaged me. I told him I'd put him up as a special guest treat, and I forgot, so go flood his social media. He's at DaveBComedy, all one word. I told him I'd give him a shout-out because I felt bad. He took a night off

work in San Fran, came down here, paid for a hotel, had to drive six hours back. Yeah, I really fucked up. I fucked up, so make it up for me. I never ask you listeners for anything. Go be a fan of DaveB Comedy, Dave Brasut, some Kill Tony Mania episode. The rare Tony Hinchcliffe mistake.

I know, stare at me, give me the evil looks. Fine, I get it, people. Anyway, go check out all those tour dates, and shout out to Jeremiah, who's also on tour. Go to jeremiahwalkins.com if you live in Chicago or Detroit. And, yeah, we're coming to you. It never ends. So go to DeathSquad.tv or TonyHinchcliffe.com for tickets for any of those stand-up shows.

And don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube page, guys. Subscribe to it. Smash that like button or whatever the fuck they say. All these are on YouTube, and they're all done in 4K. It's awesome. So check it out. There you go. Next week, Big J. Oakerson and Louis J. Gomez live

audience. Thank you guys so much for coming out. Happy episode 420, everybody. Bye. We love you. Thank you.ご視聴ありがとうございました We are the Weeblitters and Vandermeier. All right. Two things real quick, guys. They have to turn and burn this room for another show. So we're going to be on the front patio saying hi to you in just a few minutes if you go out there to where that front bar is.

If you want to say hi or get a picture or anything like that, we'll have been...