KILL TONY - KILL TONY #43

Episode Date: March 28, 2014

Nick Rutherford, Willie Hunter, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron Jesus/Kevin Lee Light, Brian Redban – Date: 03/17/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. If you want to check us out live, you can check out Kill Tony every Monday at the Comedy Store. Just go there by 8 p.m. or go to the Comedy Store's website and click on Kill Tony. And if you want to see me, Tony, and Tiffany Haddish on the road, we have the Death Squad Northwest Tour. We're going to be in Portland, Oregon April 18th, Seattle, Washington April 19th, and April 20th we'll be in Vancouver for the 420 show. Tickets are available at DeathSquad.TV. The sound quality on this episode is not the best. I apologize. The Comedy Store's sound issue, I guess, is not getting fixed.

They said that they were going to fix their sound, but I guess they can't afford it. So, whatever. So, this episode, the actual soundboard quality had so many high-pitched squeaks in it, and it just sounded way worse than actually the microphone that was recording on the camcorder. So I'm sorry about this episode. I've checked the following episode. The following episode is a lot better, so it will sound better next episode. But so it's not as bad as I'm probably making it out to be, but I apologize. Anyways, thank you for listening. and here's a new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world-famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe! Wow! Wow! Holy moly! Wow, how exciting. Josh, what episode is this?

43. 43, everybody! Episode 43 of No Time! There's only one episode 43, and you guys will always be able to say that you were here for that episode 43. One day people are going to be like, dude, I remember episode 43.

Those people had no idea what they were in for that night. It was the day we almost died from that horrible earthquake of 4.4. I can't believe it. This is the best place to be during an earthquake. They always say, if there's an earthquake in LA, go to the belly room of the comedy store. This way... This is the most

dangerous place in LA, I think. There's been a few times where I've been in certain areas of this comedy club, and I think too hard about what happens if there's an earthquake right now. Oh yeah, this is one of the only places that was here during the 30s and really hasn't changed much.

If anything happens, they just put another layer of black electrical tape over it. The comedy store is basically made of black lacquer fucking shiny wallpaper shit. And it's just to catch the asbestos and the lead so that it isn't like

snowing asbestos in here. This is a fucking old cancerous building. But that's the type of venue that you want to perform comedy in, right? For some reason. Right. We all have thyroid disease now, but who cares? Right. People are like why do comedians only live to be 35 years old? It's because they're fucking hanging out in asbestos land.

Yeah. Did you feel it this morning? Did you wake up? Absolutely. So much fun. I love earthquakes. It's the most exciting thing. Like, the morning, you know, I obviously, a lot of them have been at 6 or 7 in the morning lately,

and that I could sort of do away with. My favorite thing is when they happen during the day after I smoke some pot because then when it happens I just start cracking up it's the ultimate just like whoa you see the ground sort of just fucking do that thing

and yeah I love that I can't believe I felt it because I have a really cushioned bed and that's how hard it was rocking you know Tiffany felt it but Stacey a really cushioned bed. That's how hard it was rocking. Tiffany felt it, but Stacey and Katie didn't feel it. Right, exactly. Stacey, Tiffany, wake up. There was an earthquake.

No, but my dog didn't give a shit. Twixie didn't either. It's so funny. She lifted her head up and she gave this look of like, should I bark at that? What the fuck was that? It didn't really creep her out too much though. Yeah, my cat had a meltdown now. It just started running full speed into a wall. They had no idea what was going on.

Earthquakes are totally, they are the most awesome natural disaster of them all. There's no doubt about that. It's fun, but then also afterwards, right after you have that, almost like you almost got in a fight, that adrenaline, that feeling. Oh, totally. I was just like, huh, I couldn't do that.

There is nothing that makes my heart beat like that, because you are like, there is still 2% of you that knows that it could totally be the apocalypse. Right. Just 2%. And then it's gone a few seconds later. It's really great watching all the news reactions, too. I don't know if you saw the KTLA news reactions. And if we could get Kimberly Condon on stage right now to do her impersonation

of the KTLA. Come on, Kim. Do you have a good impression of him? Come on, Kim! Did you make a vine about this? He's fucking with me. He thinks I look like the guy news anchor. The black guy that... Because he had big eyes for you. No, because he went like this. What did he do?

Okay, so the earthquake came in. Come in, Kimberly. Lose it. It's the same face. That was pretty good. You look just like that black news anchor. Kimberly, calm down. You're going to steal a little bit from her later.

Joey Diaz was the best. Joey Diaz was actually podcasting was the best. Joe Ideas was actually podcasting at the time. If you listen to his podcast, Church of What's Happening Now, it's pretty funny, his reaction. I can't believe that guy wakes up at 6 in the morning. To do a podcast. Unbelievable.

Does not seem like a good idea. Not at all. Fuck yeah. So thank you guys so much for coming out. I'm excited to be idea. Not at all. Fuck yeah. So thank you guys so much for coming out. I'm excited to be here. Another fun episode. What else is going on? Anything else to talk about before we bring up our head of security? Went to Dallas. Got to see the UFC.

Got to drink at the bar that we went to in Dallas that we've talked about where so much craziness has happened. Yep, same thing happened to me. All four nights I was there, I went there, and all four nights I don't remember one thing. That place is insane.

Yeah, concrete jungle in Dallas if you ever go to it. It's a good place to black out, so bring a local one somewhere. Heck yeah. I spent the whole weekend here doing spots. Yeah. That was it. Just a very routine. It's nice to have a routine home weekend here doing spots. Yeah. That was it. Just a very routine.

It's nice to have a routine home weekend once in a great while. And I got to knock that out. Found out I'm opening up for Dave Attell at the end of April. Thank you very much. No big deal. No big deal. Just one of the top five comedians in the world right now. Anyway.

That's what you mean. Anyway. Has he seen you do comedy before? No. That's not what I meant. No, yeah? I mean, like, how did that come about? That's not what I meant. Why would you...

That's a friend of mine. Why would it mean anything? Why is everybody laughing? Wait a second. It just hit me. Um, yeah. No, yeah, we worked together on The Burn, and, uh, he's just an awesome guy. Wait a second. It just hit me. Yeah. No, yeah, we worked together on The Burn, and he's just an awesome guy. He's good friends with Jeff Ross,

so we hung out a lot, and we're in the same city and this and that. So I got a little family, you know. Dave's a great guy. I'm really excited to work with him. I'm sure those crowds are going to be awesome. Yeah. Fuck yes. For those of you that watch this show, those crowds are going to be awesome. Yeah. Um, fuck

yes. For those of you that watch this show, you know that we have a head of security here to keep us safe at all times. And it used to be a guy who dressed up like the Iron Patriot, who's a version of the Iron Man, a red, white, and blue

Iron Man guy. And he quit the show. He said Man guy. He quit the show. He said he got too big for the show. He got up to, I think, 2,700 Twitter followers. And he said, goodbye, guys. That's what I needed. At 2,700, I'm throwing it in. Now I'm going to use that 2,700 to launch into my new thing of obviously

doing absolutely nothing. No, he just retweets old tweets from a long time ago. Very bizarre. But ever since he quit the show to show him how replaceable he is, we've had a different version of the Patriot. We've had the Black Patriot.

We had Patriotica, the Black female Patriot. We had, oh, Patriotico, our Mexican Patriot. We had the sexy Patriot. We've had so many different Patriots. Iron Josh. Iron PBC. That was a good one. Iron Josh was fun in La Jolla with his speech impediment.

I just watched Rewatch Kill Tony 41, and I forgot that I had an A-P-I-R-N-Q-E-E-F in that episode. Oh yeah, you did. That was a great one. Yeah. And this week's no different. You know, I really dug deep.

I'm like, how can I top myself this time? What kind of head of security is someone that people can believe in? Somebody would truly want to follow. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, Iron Jesus Christ. Hail him from the great land of Iron Jerusalem. Perhaps you've read his Iron Commandments. The creator of the heavens and the earth.

The Iron Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen. Good that we can get you on a Monday. We... Glad that you're available. I see that We'll get you on a Monday. We... What? Glad that you're available. I see that the wounds on your hands have healed well since the crucifixion.

I've had a little trouble with it, actually. Fuck yeah. How's everything going, Iron Jesus? How's your day going today? Well, I hung out at the Ace Hotel. Uh-huh. To a journalist from London that works for the Independent. We talked about L.A.

And then I rode a dirty bus back to LA. Ah, that's how Jesus travels with the people that need the help the most. And the last two blocks, I walked like a madman just to get here to be with you. I'd love to help you. When there was only one set of footprints, that was you coming here for this show. Now, Iron Jesus, you actually know the Iron Patriot, the original Iron Patriot. You see him around. Have you seen him since he left us?

I haven't. Now he talked about knowing me, but I didn't know what he was talking about. He would say, I know you, I know you, and I'm like, okay. But I really didn't know him. He was just associating, you know, he's saying, hey. He's just name dropping Jesus everywhere around Hollywood. He was name-dropping. He used to come up and sing to me crazy songs. Now, Jesus, I have a question for you. A lot of people are wondering what happened to this Malaysian

flight, uh, what's the number? 370. 370. A lot of people are asking, where is this flight? I know there's lots of different lords and gods and all this, but I'm wondering if you have any idea of what happened. What would be your guess? There you go.

There's a cat box in the room. There's your leader. That's where he stands on the whole thing. Just a straight-up shoulder shrug. That's where he stands on the whole thing. Just a straight up shoulder shrug. I think they dissolved it, like nuked it. They turned it into dust over the ocean.

Nothing more fun than conspiracy Jesus over here. We have those things now. I know as much of a conspiracy as any other guess what I want to know is I've been wondering about I almost wanted to tweet about this I guess I'm just going to create an open forum for a second here because I guess I can talk about it here

did you notice that there were two Iranians with stolen passports I don't mean to get political I don't mean to get political or racist but I'm about to get both just for a second. There were two Iranians with stolen passports. We remember this from a couple days after the thing, right? Am I the only one that saw all that news? You guys just staring at me? No, you're right.

And then all of a sudden, a week's gone by and they're like, there's a chance that it was hijacked. But definitely wasn't the two Iranians with stolen passports. And then all of a sudden, a week's gone by and they're like, there's a chance that it was hijacked. But it definitely wasn't the two Iranians who stole the passports. Is it not the craziest fucking thing you've ever seen? Does it make any sense whatsoever? I think they're covering up a lot of shit. I think so. I think that's an understatement because...

Because the Mayonnaise or Malaysian or whatever they're called. The government. The Maynesians. The May-naysians. Remember when they said that the flight, like, U.S. was saying, like, no, the airplane probably flew for an extra seven hours. And then, like, the next day, mayonnaise said, no, that's not true. But then, like, a day after, they said, oh, yeah, that's true. It's so weird. First day, they had it.

They're like, two stolen passports were on. They didn't know. The second day, they found out the two guys were Iranian. Hey. I don't want to be Mr. White American like, hey, those people. But seriously, guys, they're fucking Iranians. Okay. I guess I'm being political. Yeah, even if they're not Iranians, they're the only two known thieves on the plane.

We know that from the stolen passports. All right, this is a different podcast. This is a totally different podcast. I want to talk with somebody, with a good conspiracy theorist about this shit, because I think there's one being written right in front of us anyway way to make it nice and dark Tony good job I like others like a little knob though that the pilot can

turn off like all the things I think like why would you even have that knob like hey just in case if you want to turn off all things to our radars here just turn this little knob right here. It's insane. It just, why are we even talking about this? Exactly. This topic of the seven, this Flight 370 topic is really

Boeing. Jesus, you son of a bitch! Twelve years of Catholic school and you throw me under the bus like that? Let's get this show started. As always, I have two of my funniest friends to be guests on the show. This week is no different. It's the return of Willie Hunter and the debut on the show of Nick Ruffin, everybody! different it's the return of willie hunter and the debut on the show of nick repinford everybody

welcome gentlemen it's good to be here. Hell yeah. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Yeah, happy St. Patrick's Day. Are you Irish? I'm part Irish. Jesus, what nationality are you? I am the nationality of the world. I'm supposed to say I'm from Jerusalem.

Don't worry, you are not committed to this. I wanted to say like San Francisco. And really any answer is funny. I'm a native of LA and I'm half German and half Jewish and half Scotch-Irish Catholic. Just saying, Rachel Kukamanga. I'm white. White as fuck.

German Jew is one side, huh? Yes. That's an interesting one. What? My dad's mom divorced him in World War two because of the true stuff. That's true. That's true stuff. It's amazing. That's sort of what I was fishing for when they said German Schubert. I don't want to guess your age or anything but I was just thinking you're not in your 20s. That's a real divorce right there. That's true. That's a real divorce right there. Oh, Jerry. That's true. That's a hardcore divorce.

It was. It was. You know, that's... They never said it, but you just knew. You know, it took place in like, 1941. Wow. Yeah, exactly. Some people go to divorce court, your parents went to the Nuremberg trials.

Okay. Where are you guys on the Boeing show? Kind of a... Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. child. Where were you guys on the Boeing joke, huh? Want to join me now? Alright. Well, we had fun with comedy on this show. A bunch of comedians signed up for the chance to do a minute.

Oh yeah, as always, the Iron Head of Security always asks our guests a question. Do you have a question for our guests tonight, Iron Jesus Christ? Heaven or hell? For me? Good question. For me?

For most of you, actually. Heaven or hell? You know, I've thought about this. And I feel like hell will be a lot of fun, but I would sleep better in heaven. And I'm all about sleep, so heaven. Good answer. You can choose in heaven. If there is a heaven and a hell, Jesus, no offense,

my heaven would have like a little cool freight elevator down to hell, so I could go up and sleep with Willie in heaven. In the same bed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We might have to do that in hell. So heaven and hell is a bunk bed? Like a big one.

Eh, give me another one. I have another question. Ooh. Water or wine? Wine. Oh, wine. Wine, yeah. Wine. It or wine? Wine. Oh, wine. Wine, yeah. I'm an alcoholic.

Yeah, wine. That's a big problem for me, actually. So wine. All right. Can you turn this water into wine? No. But Josh can. But Josh can.

Josh, two wines, please. Two wines. Joshy Christ back there. Fuck, yeah. great questions, Jesus. I like that. I read a great quote the other day. I can't remember. It's slipping my mind who it was,

but it was something about, you know, heaven seems like fun and all, but all the good companies would be in hell. It's like Sinatra or something. Yeah, it's like that quote, I don't want to be a part of a club that doesn't take me. Not like that quote at all. I just want to show everybody that I also know some quotes.

Once everyone's dead, who would you rather hang out with? Hitler or Gandhi? Honestly? Yeah. Hang out with Hitler, man. Gandhi's just going to put me to sleep. Hitler's got some stories. Yeah, he does. He's a good put me to sleep. The younger's got some stories.

He does. He's a good painter, at least. That's what I'm gonna tell him. Good painter. And I actually agree with a lot of the things that he said. Happy St. Patrick's Day. You guys take that way too seriously. No, but Gandhi's a fag.

I love it. Well, you guys know what we do here. A bunch of comedians sign up for the opportunity to get one minute of stage time, and then we try to help them out with comedy in any way, shape, or form. Not like we're know-it-alls, but we just give them our feedback and maybe try to punch something out, make it bigger, help them out, talk about their lives, maybe figure

out something else that we'd like to hear them talk about on stage since they're comedians. They get to do one minute of stand-up and then they know the third minute is over when they hear the sound of a kitty. Aww, how cute. They have to wrap it up after that because if they

keep going, they're going to bring out the Angry West Hollywood Bears. There you go. You don't want to hear that noise again, do you? He's a fan of Major League Soccer. I know I didn't murder someone with the horn, so I got to go back to my corner. Forget it. There you go. So let's get it started.

Put your hands together for Josh Martin. Hey guys. What do you want? I'd like a beer. There you go, a beer. Any beer. What's the most Irish beer you can get? Killarney's! I'll take a Killarney's. I made that up. What you want is a MacDuffin.

You actually live with Josh Martin, he lives with your roommate. Yeah, Josh Martin lives in our living room. And, uh... Have you ever kind of met the babe? Did you... Thank God I haven't. Did you feel the earthquake? Yep.

You got up, didn't you? I got up and went outside. I thought you did. I thought... I felt someone getting up. I woke up in my bed and I'm like, it feels like an earthquake. And I went back to sleep. I never felt an earthquake before, so. Oh, it was Josh's first earthquake.

And he had to go outside. He had to go outside. I've done that before though. Really? Yeah, it was like the big jolt ones. Like this one wasn't really a jolt, this was more like a rocky one. The jolt ones freaked me out though, where it just feels like something just. You guys felt the earthquake, right?

In here? Everyone in here? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think the jolt ones, like this one wasn't really a jolt, this was more like a rocky one. The jolt ones freaked me out though, where it just feels like something just, you guys felt the earthquake, right? In here, everyone in here? Yeah. Yeah. Does it make you feel like they woke up

before the earthquake happened, like a dog, and you were like, something's wrong. And then the earthquake hit. That's what happened to me, I was like, I have to protect this universe. And then the earthquake hit and I just laid in bed and I was terrified. Jesus, did you feel it? I know who caused it.

What was it? It shook me out, almost out of bed. I hopped up and ran to the door and got outside and started crying. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Did gay marriage cause it? Oh no, oh no, oh no. Did gay marriage cause it? I think that's one of those bear noises. There you go. Well, let's get this thing started. You guys ready for this? It's episode 43 of Couch Toon. Comedians, we're going to be one minute on stage.

And your first comedian testing it out tonight, popping the cherry on 43, will be... Mugzilla! Wooo! We're the craziest guys, we're the most entertaining guys that come to the Comedy Store. Always fun and different, very positive attitude this guy has. Mugzilla, everyone. to see this guy has. Mugzilla, everyone.

I like the current trend in nice, full beards in both men and women. Yeah, I like the trend towards women going back towards a nice bush, hair pie, beaver.

And one of the best things in my case, because I had a dream the other day, I was eating some pussy, and it was hairy. It was hairy. I couldn't see cast it, so I know what my subconscious likes. And I like it because the next day I might be at the water cooler bragging about my sex the night before

and everybody's like, yeah, sure, until they see the pussy in her and say no to you if it was a drink no well I'm bragging about pussy and he's going yeah sure so he just I'm bragging about having sex the next day because I like to eat pussy so I usually if I eat a hairy snatch I have the badge

of honor I guess you would call it. Just real quick, Mugzilla, are you single? Just for the land of the Mugzilla. I'm a follower. Is that hair attached to the hat? Or is that... Put the hat back on. What is that hat doing? Green.

Oh, this is Murph. Murph the Surf. Murph the Surf. Murph the Surf. To paint a picture for the audience listening in the car, Mozilla looks like the killer from Twin Peaks. Who's let himself go a little bit. And if you're not an old fan of Twin Peaks, I just started watching it.

I'm sorry. Perhaps the killer, the more modern of you, the killer from True Detective, if he really let himself go. Okay, sure, sure. He already let himself go. I'm saying if he let himself go even more.

I would have been Twin Peaks killer and the True Detective killer had a baby. Yeah. In the... Alright. Mugzilla. I like

that crass humor. I think it always gets a shock reaction. The crowd was into it for a minute. Yeah, I love your timing. I love the part where you said I had a dream that I was eating some pussy. Now you're pretty much saying anything. For a second there, it seemed like you were sort of hesitant to say it,

and that natural timing that happened was pretty funny. I don't know if that was on purpose. Well, first time for the joke here tonight for Kill Tony. Fresh humor. All right. We need the fresh. We need the fresh. We need the fresh.

I'm joking. It's like you're a chef that just made a terrible lunch and it doesn't taste good at all. You're like, hey, it's fresh. I don't know if you've noticed this. I mean, the cap came off the garlic powder when I was making it, and it fell into everything, but it's not moldy. Well, Tony, I don't know if you've noticed it, but girls are going back to bushes again.

It's becoming very popular. Are you talking about the bushes that you rape girls in? Yeah. Yeah. No means no, Mugzilla. Well, I'll say this. I've known, when I host a show a lot, Mugzilla goes up, and he's gotten so much better. Oh, totally. He had his old phase where he dropped Mugzilla and went by Mike Sober for a little bit.

Yeah, he's like, I gotta rebuild, you know? He had different personalities. He was almost like he pulled a Mankind on the open mic. Well, that was definitely Nick Foley! Nick Foley, next is Mankind, the little dude love coming up. Jack is Jack. This is a guy that knows how to reinvent himself. Remember one time he came out wearing a mask. Remember that?

Oh, my God. What was that about? I enjoyed it. I really did. It was his rape mask. My God. For me, the moment I checked out was when you said,

the next day when you're talking about it at the water cooler. Oh. No sex, no water cooler. Okay, that's what I figured. It didn't fly, huh? No day job with the water cooler. No day job. No, no, no.

Okay, yeah. So I think maybe at the water fountain, you know, something like that. You want it to ring true, you know. It's got to be from the heart, I think. Yeah, I agree with you a lot. Yeah, what would you tell you, what would you talk about pussy with your friends? What's the location? The location?

Yeah. Back of my rape van. Oh, I see what you're doing. Now you're trying to go along with that thing. I'm sorry. Oh, I see what you're doing. I'm trying to go along with that thing. When you asked him about the location,

I thought he was just going to say, oh, between the woman's legs. It almost seemed like he was confused, but now that I acknowledged it too late, it doesn't make sense. Mozilla. Oh, yes, Jesus. I am Jesus Christ.

I have similar dreams. I ate a burning bush. Oh! Oh! Mozilla, this was fun. It was fun chatting with you. Alright. Thanks for the fresh material. It's Mike Sofra at Mozilla 007.

What? Not your email. That's a unique Twitter that you have a name for. Where's your cell phone? No, no, no, no, no, no. Thank you, Mochila. Alright, thank you very much. Oh yeah, there he goes. Alright.

It's almost demanding an encore, you staying on stage so long. A question that I always like to ask my guests is, do you remember a joke that you did when you first started stand-up comedy that you're embarrassed about that you can't believe you ever said on stage? I try to make a joke about, my friend said, I said, I'm going to order a pizza. I think I'm going to get a medium. It's just only us two. He's like, no, man, order large. It's more slices.

I was like, what are you talking about? You can make as many slices as you want. And that's the response I got. That was my first joke that bombed. That's brilliant! You guys don't know! And no, it was terrible. I was, this is very embarrassing that's great

wildly influenced by dane cook when i started wow so me too but to not do whatever that guy was doing it was yeah so when my i saw my friends laughing at vicious circle in in Youngstown, Ohio and I'm like, I have to move to LA and start doing stand-up because it needs me I swear to God that's a true story I have more respect for Dane Cook now than I did then

but I'm just saying getting flippity-flopping around the stage is exactly what I sort of hate about comedy sometimes I hear that I guess the stage is exactly what I sort of hate about comedy sometimes. Yeah, no, I hear that. But so I guess the first joke I think I ever did was about how I wanted to go in a police ride-along. And it was a lot of flippity-flopping around the stage. Like a lot of sound effects. But I will say this, I was proud about this.

It was a lot of like, I would like, the cop would ask me to come on, he'd be like, we gotta bust this meth lab. There's no backup, here's a gun, come in. And there was a lot of like, act out with that. Yeah, nice, see that real life sound effect? That's part of the joke. Yeah, that's part of it. You got a cop friend.

And then it was like, kicking down the door like, pfft. Like, I did a lot of that, and like, girls like, running by like, ah, like screaming out of the door. And then when the meth guy like, showed I was like shoot at him but I'd go I can't do gun sound effects yeah well it went on. How long did it go on for? 45 minutes. Well that would truly be something to be embarrassed about. It's always a fun question because either the bit's really funny and it gets a laugh and I'm like, I can't believe you don't still do it, or it's that bad and it's like, well I see why you don't do that anymore. So either way it always works out.

So I know that, oh wait what was that? No, go ahead. I know your next comedian, This guy is a very interesting, funny, new comedian. He works, he's like a future brain surgeon over at USC. He's getting his master's in being a doctor. It's the one and only Ori Amiri. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Let's go, let's go. I'm not gay, I'm just a foreigner. So are you guys into bondage? Me too, me too. Just because I'm from the Middle East doesn't mean I don't like to be hung upside down and have dildos shoved into my ass like everybody else in California. Right? But there's a time and a place, man. I was at Six Flags the other day

and they were doing bondage in front of children so I went to talk to the manager and he told me no no no I don't understand

so we restrain you to the roller coaster so that you don't fall off it's for your safety so I was like safety huh well there are

other dangers in the park you know some people they scream so loud it can cause ear damage they should be gagged and put some clamps on the nipples the park, you know. Some people, they scream so loud it can cause ear damage. They should

be gagged. And put some clamps on the nipples for good measure. Mazel tov. What nationality are you exactly? Israeli. Israeli. Interesting. I've been to Germany for four months. Say that again? I've been to Germany for only four months, and half of my Hebrew accents get genocided somehow.

I was going to say, you do come across as very German. Yeah. That is interesting. You know, no one ever talks about the Jew Nazis, you know? Like the people that were Jewish is like, hey, man, I'm not Jewish, I'm like one of you guys, let me join you in killing these Jews. But they're Jewish. It's true.

Would you do that? This is not about me. I agree with that. They're all of you. They're like, you can't be like, hey, are you a Jew? And you're like, no. I think that's one of those, like, you had to be there answers. Hey, would you, uh, would you kill Jews if you were a Jew?

Like, whoa. That's a good one. I think that's one of those, like, you had to be there answers. Hey, would you, uh, would you kill Jews if you were a Jew? Like, whoa. That had to be there. Hey, would you kill Jews if you were a Jew? Like, whoa. This is the easiest way to end everybody's careers. Basically just means that you want to kill Jews.

This is really bingo heavy, I think. It is. It's a very... What does he do again? I mean, what do you do? Well, let's just hope that none of us get any sort of brain injuries. You're trained to be a brain surgeon? No, no.

You wouldn't trust me cutting your brain. I'm just... No, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, no. I'm just doing research, so I'm, like, scanning brains. Oh, interesting. Making theories and stuff.

You get to make up theories? Yeah. I didn't know that's what being a scientist was like. You're going to make up a theory right now. Does it work with the ladies, saying you're a scientist? No. It's better to say you're a comedian. I'm going to lie about this.

I see what you're saying, though, about the loud noises and stuff. I actually had an idea a long time ago I never did anything with about how ambulances go by trying to protect somebody, but yet you can get ear damage from them. They're fucking loud as fuck, and they're just trying to help people out, but yet they're pretty much destroying people's hearing. But there's nothing there. I never really found the joke there, but... While you were trying to pick up that guy, pick me up, because I got ear damage.

Yeah, exactly. I really liked what you were talking about. The way that you got into it is a little bit interesting, because A, I didn't really pick up on exactly why people from the Middle East would be hung upside... I mean... No, it's like, despite... I mean, just because I'm from the Middle East doesn't mean I don't like... like everybody else in California... I would go with the fact... I keep it honest and real. And what do I know? This is just something that I noticed about it.

Is that if you went to Germany for four months of your life, I would say that is the front end of that, and I picked up on bondage things there would be your way in on it, in my opinion. Because the whole Middle East thing, and then you immediately make it not real by having dildos

shoved in their ass, and then when you say and like all you people all you people in California that want dildos shoved in your ass and then when you say and like all you people all you people in California that want dildos shoved in your ass and I mean you lost 95% of everybody in the room. I'm pretty sure I'm still the only one

I did like the first joke just because I'm from Europe I guess would be Middle East didn't ring true because of your accent but maybe say a little more so then we all go check out this faggot and then say just because you know I don't know just the first thing I was like I haven't made a judgement yet so then all of a sudden I know that you're terrified of being gay. And it was a lot of butt stuff, so now I'm confused. Are you gay?

No. My god. But you've thought about it, haven't you? Sure. One with the control of your options, you know. Yeah, I think the way around that is that, because the Middle East thing, again, there's a different stereotype about the Middle East than there is about Europe. I think that your way in on that, since we found out that you did live in Germany for four months, is, I'm not gay, I just lived in Europe for a few months.

That's great. Is already a stronger and just as quick of an opener for that. As you can tell by that guy's burp in the middle of the room. That's how you know when something's really funny. It's not always laughs that you need. Sometimes it's just any natural bodily reaction. The burp, the yawn, the sneeze, all those things are good. I am Tony.

Yes, I am Jesus Christ. All those things are good. I am Tony. Yes, I am Jesus Christ. Just... Somebody removed the dildo from the audience. Yes, Jesus. Just coincidentally, two of my favorite topics, Jews and bondage. Yeah, nobody loves bondage more than the guy that got nailed to a cross.

That's some extreme shit. Fuck yeah, and that crown of thorns had to be a real doozy too, huh? Yikes. Did we just jinx on yikes? Yeah, we jinxed. Wow. We jinxed. That crown of thorns was supposed to be a blindfold, but they just made it too small.

Wait, what did? What? Yeah, I thought it was real. The crown of thorns is supposed to be a blindfold. It's more bondage stuff. Yeah. But it was too tight. Right.

Anyway, everything... So Ori, how much longer until you graduate? About a year. About a year. You're going to have a degree in what from USC? Cognitive neuroscience. Cognitive neuroscience. Yeah.

And you're going to be a professor of science. Yeah. And you're going to be a professor of science. Yeah. And you're going to be a professor of science. Yeah. So Ori, how much longer until you graduate? About a year. You're going to have a degree in what from USC? Cognitive neuroscience. Oh my god. You can't even say it. Yeah, cognitive neuroscience, right? Yeah. Cognitive neuroscience.

Hey, don't require me to pronounce my own degree. Yes, it does! If you can't say what you do, then why the fuck would I come to you? I'm trying, everyone. Yeah, I win the college. Before they hand it to you, you have to say it once. So you have to start practicing. You're gonna have a time that's gonna be wasted, man.

Yeah, you can do it. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out how to say that. Anyway... Ori, very funny. I like your style, buddy. Keep rocking. Ori Amir, he's on Twitter. Ori Amir.

That's Ori Amir. Right there on top of Ori Amir. Let's keep this fun train bumping along. Your next comedian goes by the name of, ooh, Skyler. Woo! My name is Skyler. Taking a very stereotypically slow black man walk to the stage. Totally a stereotype, you can tell by the 30 seconds in between.

Fuck yeah. Oh wow. I wasn't expecting to get up tonight. All right. Well, Tony, you were talking about the Malaysian airliner that, like, disappeared. Yes, this is your segue into a joke. That's true. Now, it's been really freaking me out lately. You know, there's, like, a group of magical terrorists out there. I mean, Al-Qaeda's, like, training a group of magical terrorists out there. I mean, Al-Qaeda's like training a group of people. No, that's not how you pull money out of hat.

No, how are you going to make World Trade Center disappear again? I haven't really fleshed this out yet. flesh and salt yet. I know I was going to go with sawing a hundred virgins in hand. That's where this joke was going to go. Alright, thank you very much.

Wow, okay. At one point in the middle of that joke you bailed out and started doing what we're supposed to be doing right now. That's trying to figure out what you could have done better. My mother was a virgin. What was that, Jesus? My mother was a virgin.

A virgin. That's what they say. Why? You double lost me. I mean, you so lost me that I didn't even know what you were doing. I feel like you were overcome because you said it again. I didn't expect to get up here. And this is your first time. Why? You double lost me. I mean, you so lost me there. I didn't even know what you were doing. I feel like you were overcome because you said it again. I didn't expect to get up here, and this is your first time. And I know, but why?

Did somebody else sign your name up and put your name in it? Oh, no, no, no. It's just, I've had... It's overwhelming. I've had it crappy. Overwhelming. The odds are like one out of 30, one out of 25 or so, probably. It's not like it's going on.

It's not the Powerball over here. No. Wow. like it's going on it's not the power ball over here you came up like you just won the Oscar Award for best picture just like I was not expecting I'd like to thank Jesus because every time a black person wins an award the first person they think is God white people don't think of that Matthew McConaughey thanked himself

Matthew McConaughey thanked himself in the past I love that you know what was my inspiration? myself 10 years ahead of me I love that thank God I can't believe this he was like the original Kanye with that shit Matthew McConaughey years ahead of me. I love that. Thank God, I can't believe this. That was insane. Yeah, he was like the original Kanye with that shit.

Matthew McConaughey is great right now. Him and I are on a mission to bring skinny back, so. Matthew McConaughey. Should I get out of here? Oh, I feel very good. Do you think I'm going to take off or what? How long did I actually listen to all of that? Matthew and Kanye.

I wanted to ask you a question. Every race has got one. How long have you been doing comedy? About a year now. Seriously for a year or just off and on? No, no, seriously for a year. I've had a shitty like open mic week all last week. I hit like four or five open mics and nothing. What's going on in your life? So that's why you haven't shitty open mics. Maybe you should talk about your

life. Oh, no, no, I'm not talking about your life. No, I haven't been able to get on. That's been my I feel like you don't want to talk about that. You want to talk about your life a little bit, right? Well, yeah, I could. You know, what criminal did you just let off the hook in court today? Like, what is your day life? You're dressed in a very nice suit. You're very interesting, and I want to know you,

and you're talking about something that you don't even want to talk about. Oh, I'm a bouncer in a script book. Oh, my God. We talked about this last time. Wait, does it say it on the vest? Is that right? That's how bouncers dress. Danger, boo. There you go.

I don't want to get you in trouble. Oh, I see what you did now. You threw the blazer over that to try to look all dapper. There we go, yeah. This is the classy blazer right here. Same question, just take off the blazer, right? Or the vest. You're trying to hide the fact that you work at Deja Vu, or are you not? No, not really. I just put on a blazer because it's cold outside. Okay.

I love your demeanor. I want to see this in your act. Your demeanor is very low-key. It's almost like Hannibal Buress. And you live with your grandma, right? Oh, man! Is that true? Yeah. You live with your grandma and you work at a strip club. Next time you come on the show, expect to get pulled out of the bucket and talk about one of those two things.

Absolutely. Yeah, that's so interesting. That's amazing. Skyler. Thank you,, that's so interesting. That's amazing. Skylar. Thank you, Skylar. It's been a really good interview. It's been a really good one. So we'll be along.

We kind of need a joke to actually work out. Yeah, you know, it's like a, it's adorable though. We're gonna find out one day that his grandmother works at the strip club. It's a family business. You balance ice cream I so do this

You better never take that off Recent Kill Tony favorite everybody Put your hands together for the very funny Brett Banta hi my name is Brett Banta I've never tried to make a deal with God like God if you can just get me through this DUI checkpoint, you could take an inch off my dick. That's why I had to stop drinking. I couldn't afford any more checkpoints. You know you're ugly when you catch a hot chick

picking her nose. She looks at you and keeps on picking. Have you ever been picking your nose on the freeway and the car catches up to you so you speed up so you can finish picking your nose? Then he speeds up, then you speed up, then he speeds up, then you speed up, then he turns on a siren. I'm a bad father.

I know because when I was driving my pregnant wife to the hospital, she screamed at me to run a red light. She's like, run it, run it, run it. I was like, no, it's illegal and dangerous. Then I realized, when I have to take a shit, or when every red light there is to get home, a human baby really has worth less than a good shit. That was fantastic. That was fantastic. You just completely made up for everything that Skyler didn't do up here. Who's Skyler? I don't know.

Skyler. On that note, that burger joke was awesome. That was great, man. I think you guys are going to give it for was awesome. That was great, man. I think I was going to give it for him again. That was fantastic. I've never seen anybody say a joke on this show and watch all four of the people here immediately go into applause. That's just a great, great, great, great, great joke. Thank you. What do you know about it? This is my first time ever meeting you.

Very funny. It's been on a few times, and each time it's been a different minute, and each time it's... How long has he been going out? Where is he from and all that stuff? Hey, really, he's great. Oh.

Oh, you're talking to the black guy a lot, but it seems the white guy jokes a lot. Treat him like an object. What am I, an Dallas, Texas. How long have you been out here? I've been out here 18 years. I came here for college and then stayed. How long have you been doing comedy? Stand-up.

I stand up a year and a half of going to open events. Dude, man, you've got to go a lot. Everywhere and everywhere. I would vouch for you at places. Yeah, you've got a great eye for jokes. Yeah. And I keep writing, and this is very exciting for me to see stuff like this. You tell a good joke.

On something like this, a lot of people think we can do shit on it. But when something's good, it's undeniable yeah and you're good there's a great show that kind of I mean it's awesome show no but I did get pulled over in Irvine with my wife and and the cops saw I was a tweaker, and it was early in the morning. I mean, I'm definitely nervous being up here. Sure, sure. I don't think tweakers are like,

Coke at it. Yeah. The nose thing. Oh, yeah. That's why I chose the nose. Okay. I understand it's the worst. Well, it's the greatest show to do.

Johnny Carson had a nose thing, because he did Coke. Yeah. Don't say anything. No, no, no. I understand the nerves thing. In a year and a half, then you've got show to do. Johnny Carson had a nose thing, and because he did code. No one said anything. No, no, no. I understand the nerves thing. In a year and a half, then you've got to expect that. Yeah.

But also, you are married, so that was true. Yeah. You don't have a ring? Yeah, I don't wear a ring. I'm going through stuff right now. Oh, it's all right. Oh, she's here. She's right there.

I'm divorcing her right there. She's that guy in the green shirt. That's who the green shirt. That's who we pointed at. She got me out of a POW camp. No, I'm kidding. That was an earlier callback. But that makes more sense to me. Well, so I'm sorry about the marriage trap. No, no, it's okay. That's how it is. This is your guy here. I mean, I think you build, this is a Tony, Kill Tony, you know, superstar here.

Absolutely. No doubt about it. I mean, this show definitely helps in the format of people that tell short jokes with a couple tags. And he's right there. I mean, I don't even know how to tag some of that stuff. The last thing, I'll be honest, I started daydreaming at the end. Me too. What was that exactly? Can you just repeat it so I can get it again? Yeah, I was trying to do a callback to the nose picking. You know, you speed up. In the DUI, right?

Yeah, and then I was like, I was trying to do the, I'm a bad father. I know because when I was driving my pregnant wife to the hospital, she screamed at me to run a red light. She was like, run it, run it, run it. And I was like, no, that's illegal and dangerous. But then I realized when I have to take a shit, I'll run every red light there is to get home. So a human baby really is worth less than a good shit.

I ran out of time to keep it. So the next time you see a high-speed police chase, those aren't criminals. Those are people who are just picking their noses on their way home to take a shit. The kitty guy. I want to respect the kitty. Last time I met him.

I actually gave you an extra nine seconds. Thank you. I appreciate it. You didn't hear the rest of it. If somebody gave you a topic on something like news headlines and you were told to write for somebody else, would you be able to do that off of topics or do you find it easier to write for yourself

or do you have the kind of brain that can just write all the time? I write every day just about going to Subway in my life, but I do try and think about topics like the flight. That would be a good exercise to do, though. That's a very good thing. And Twitter has actually helped me. You guys really helped me on after being here. I got like 50 followers instantly from something that Brian did, so I appreciate it.

I'm trying to work on Twitter and start. I feel like you probably have a good ad for Twitter. I feel like you could have a good... Absolutely. Absolutely. But, yeah. Anyway, what's your Twitter? Brett J. Banta.

Brett J. Banta. With one T. B-R-E-T-J-B-A-N-T-A. You're a monster, Brett. I don't know if I've really seen anybody that's that good at writing for themselves a year and a half into the game. And you've done it a few times,

and it's just extremely impressive. Keep coming back, and stay awesome. Thank you very much. Some people are so good, but it's like, I don't even want to tag their stuff because it's like you don't want to step on his personal style

but also like I also don't know how to make it funnier it seems like he's got so much control in the joke it seems so great that I don't know if adding or taking away anything helps because it's so funny you just need to work on the stage.

Yeah, I guess you want to be a writer. Here's one of his tweets from six days ago. Everything's still up in the air with that missing plane. Follow this man. He only has 64 followers. Only 64? He doesn't have the ground floor. Yeah. Oh my god.

This is the fucking future. Brett, you're a monster. Please keep coming back. Take care of those kids. Work it out with the missus. Yeah. Stay away from the liquor. Sure.

So he doesn't drink anymore. Start smoking more weed. Yes. Red band. Ultimate inspiration. It means... Stay away from the liquor. Start shooting heroin.

It means I'm clean and I'm burning rather big. Good luck following this whoever's next. Raúl Santos. Those guys are so sick. Ooh, furative action worked. Yeah, so it's a big year for me. I'm turning 30, so I'm getting old. All my friends are getting married

and moving into their parents' house. I'm actually glad to be here. I live in a bad neighborhood. The other day I actually got stabbed trying to rob somebody. I can't afford a security system, so all I do is just put police tape around my apartment. And my alarm clock is a rooster, but he's actually blind, so I'm always late everywhere. I went to public school, so I had to tutor my teachers and for a field trip we actually went to the field. Luckily everybody was Latino so we got the work done pretty quick.

Parents didn't have to leave their job to pick up their own kids. Yeah I went to a very non-athletic high school. None of us got recruited for any basketball or sports. Everybody just got recruited for the Army or adult school. Yeah, thanks. Very good. The mic stand, you need to move that the other way.

Because when you start, you just kind of take it off and you know you had it in front of you. Or you can just leave it, the mic stand you need to move that the other way Because when you start you just kind of take it off and you know you had it in front of you Or you could just leave it in the mic stand and stand there and not even have to deal with it Yeah What is that? Where's that coming from? Hey dude, why don't you go laugh outside? I'm sick of hearing your voice Oh, St. Patrick's Day, I thought that was funny It's not It's not, why don't you leave it?

Yeah, get out Josh, get out. Josh, get out. Josh, get us. Yeah, leave. Is that a guy? Yeah. I thought it was a cat. Goodbye. No, not over. You're always that.

I don't know. I'm too small. I'm so small. Is that like, I'm on a podcast recording, I'm going to do a fake laugh the whole time? I'm going to be like, hey, that's my laugh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's unbearable.

I thought it was somebody that's my laugh. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. It's unbearable. I thought it was something that, as a sucker, I thought it was like, God, that guy's memory is so good. The first couple of those laughs,

I was like, yeah, but that last one, I was like, come on, man. I know, it's dumb. No, it's just some tweaker that hangs out here. He's Boone's boyfriend, right? Yeah, it's Boone's boyfriend.

If you guys know who Boone is, it's Boone's boyfriend. Yeah, well, all right. So, anyway, sorry for that to stand by. That's holiday for you, buddy. If you guys know who Boone is, it's Boone's boyfriend. Yeah, well, all right. So anyway, sorry for that to stand by. That's how I live for you, buddy. But you did a very good job. That field joke was hilarious.

How long have you been doing comedy? For probably like a year and a half. Like a year and a half, maybe two. You live in L.A.? Yeah. You're from L.A.? Yeah, from the south. From the south? South Central L. out there recently yeah

George H Bush is from Crenshaw it's not even a George H Bush by the way there you go yeah that's not a human being there might actually be a George H.W. Bush. There you go. I got one letter? Yeah, that's not a human being. There might actually be a George H. Bush from Crenshaw. George H.W. is definitely from Texas. There was, and we just kicked him out. For all we know, right? Yeah.

What is your day-to-day life like? Because sometimes I feel like people have these very self-deprecating jokes on them and I always wonder like, eh, how close to the truth are we? And obviously they're jokes.

I just wonder. I don't want you to depress the audience, you know. You know, my thing is just the stage presence. You know,

you seem very uncomfortable the whole time. But you've only been there for a year and a half, so you know, you try to get comfortable on it. And I don't know if you want to decide to leave time, but you've only been doing it for a year and a half, so, you know, you're trying to get comfortable on it. And I don't know if you want to decide to leave the mic in the stage or hold the mic.

You haven't even decided that part yet. I think you should leave it in. Because you're not moving anywhere. You're not going anywhere. What's it like? Do you still live in South Central? Yeah. What's it like?

What do you like about it? Nothing, really. No, it's the place that you really. You should talk about it. I have a friend that lives there. Two people just got shot down the street from her house the other day. For her, as a little girl that lives there, it's very scary for her.

Wait, you're friends with a little girl? She's 20 years old. But you're friends with a little girl? No, she's 20. But, you know, talking about that, because, you know, not too many people know that road, and I barely know it, and just going there briefly, I was just amazed at the fact that she lived there, at least where she lives, and to be able

to find maybe some funny shit out of that might be interesting. But, I mean, you did so well already. I really like your jokes, but it'd be just kind of cool to hear more about like i think what nick was saying you know your life yeah like just to distill a little more truth in it because they seem like such one-liners and they are and it's great but just i don't know just somehow connect it to your reality a little more i don't and, I don't know exactly how to do that. I don't know if I have an answer. But to say I live in South Central,

I don't know. He already has the joke formula. He knows how to write a joke. But unfortunately, the formula is just not I'm not with it yet. He has to put his life within that system. Make it personal. You know how to tell a joke. You did that.

And you told several of them. But I didn't care about them. You didn't like the field joke? I thought that was pretty funny. That was the only one. Yeah, that was the only one. That was a little personal to him. It taught me a little bit about him.

But the other ones were like fluff. You know, like empty calories. But good, and the fact that you made that up is great. Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is all of us. I guess we can't help you. We're all on mushrooms.

There's definitely a long run to be had about being a Latino growing up and living in South Central. There's a lot of things, a lot of fun combinations that you can make. Like maybe it's hard to do, it's hard to do a drive-in, but it's hard to do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and

you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and you can't do a drive-in and of things, a lot of fun combinations that you can make. Like, maybe it's hard to do, it's hard to do a drive-by

when 15 members of your family are in the car with you. Maybe that's the worst example. Is it my own family? It's a Latino thing. You know the Latino thing? They all, they pack 15 people in their car at a time. You know that universal stereotype?

Yeah. They do pack the cars. You heard about the old joke about how Latinas take a family picture? No. They all sit in the front of the car and run a red light. That's an old street joke. A street joke? Where are you getting up right now?

Are you getting up to any local clubs that you go to for your mics? Yeah, I come here. I usually perform a lot at this Formosa Cafe. I do a lot of shows there. And the Ice House. Ice House, yeah.

I was going to recommend the Ice House because they have a new open mic there. And for the Chino comedy, it's Jesus at the Ice House. That's where I perform a lot, and it's a fun audience, too. And if you succeed, you'll succeed there very easily if you keep it up, keep going there. Yeah. Yeah. Rock and roll, Raul. We hope to see you back again soon. He's on Twitter at Surge Night.

S-U-R-G-E Surge Night. K-N-I-G-H-T Like night in armor type of night. Not the dark time and the daytime. Is that a play on to like should night?

I think so. Surge Night. And if that wasn't enough for you, 29. Surge night, 29. Obviously, surge night, 1 through 28 were taken. When I was in Dallas, I was with a bunch of friends, and my phone died, and I got back to my rental car. I was like, see you later, friends. And I didn't remember the name of the hotel I was staying at, and I didn back to my rental car. I was like, see you later, friends. And I didn't remember

the name of the hotel I was staying at. And I didn't have a phone charger. So I had no idea where I was in Dallas, what my hotel was. I had no way to charge my phone. So I'm like, shit, I'm driving around looking for like a gas station. I couldn't find one. So I'm like, all right, I better get on the highway, find a gas station. So I get on just the first highway, get off the first exit. It was Martin Luther King Boulevard in Dallas. Now you know the old joke is like every time you see a Martin Luther King Boulevard that's usually like the bad neighborhood. I grew up on the Martin Luther King Boulevard. Did you? Well that theory is 100% true.

The second I got off the block gaming community, Tyler Perry was the headmaster. The second I got off the block gaming community, car on fire, two people running out of a gas station. Like, I was going to go to this gas station, two people were running out the front door. It was exactly what you think Martin Luther King Boulevard at 3 in the morning. What was on fire? This car was just on fire on the side of the road. There was just people laying on the sidewalk.

Every business was boarded up. It was just exactly what you think Martin Luther King Boulevard would be. You know what I do like about Martin Luther King Boulevard, be. You know what I do like about Martin Luther King Boulevard though? It's uh... Can't believe it. What do you like?

What? Oh, forget it. No. No, no, you can't say it. You can say it. You can say it. Yeah. Say it to Willie.

Let Willie say it. Except worse. Did you get your phone charged, Red Van? Yeah, I went to another one. No, don't say it. I went to another one. Your next comedian is by the name of Sarah Canney. Yeah, first of all.

I went off of Wood-Harrson Avenue on a great bad station. So I was driving behind this woman who had a baby on board sign in her back window, and then she stopped really suddenly. So I swerved not to hit her, and I accidentally ran over triplets. So that didn't work out all that well. So I've noticed lately that sometimes when I'm thinking things through in my head, I refer to myself as we. And I'm not sure if that makes me crazy or not.

For instance, the other night I was thinking, I was writing this joke, and I thought, yeah, we could tell that on Monday. That would be a good idea. I was walking to this liquor store by my house and there was a guy, this older guy with a guitar, and he was just setting up. He was going to play some music on the street. And the first thing he did when he picked up his guitar was say, alright, one more time. I thought, that's an interesting way to start a set.

What if I began my set with, do you guys get it? Yeah, we're probably not going to tell that one again. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Sarah. Fuck yeah. How do you get the first joke?

Like the triplets. Oh, just like baby on board sort of implies that, you know, there's valuable cargo as though hitting anyone else is any better than not hitting a car with a baby in it. I don't know. I always think it's odd to designate your car as having a baby on board because either way you shouldn't. Yes, but so maybe go with that. And then I'm going to swerve to your car as having a baby on board because either way... Yes, but so maybe go with that.

And then I swerved to avoid a car that had a baby on board and then ran over an elderly couple that had been together for 87 years. Or the cure for cancer. Yeah. They were walking with the cure. I got the cure for cancer right here! It's true love! Like more of a contrast.

Yeah. Yeah. That'd be good. Cause I would be more interested in like, who left their triplets on the side of the road? Yeah, I'm confused, man. What was the second joke? Um... Oh, we.

We. Thinking of myself as we. That's just schizophrenia. Yeah, a little bit. Not a little bit, definitely. That's literally the definition of it. Um, maybe, now I'm just, I'm fucking shooting from the hip here, Sarah. Pew!

Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew, pew! Pew pew! That was the sound effect for the joke of the night! I'm just... I talk about myself a week, and I don't know, apparently that's a sign of being crazy, but I don't think I'm crazy. Yes, I do.

You know what I mean? It's a little bit of like Eliza Schlesinger style. Yeah, we could do that. I don't want to do Eliza, but you want to find your own thing. I totally agree with that. If you're going to take that approach and you're going to go hey, I'm a little bit crazy, and then just be done with it after that, if you're going to say I might be crazy, it's like the... If you're gonna take that approach and you're gonna go, Hey, I'm a little bit crazy, and then just be done with it after that,

if you're gonna say, I might be crazy, it's gotta go crazy. Yeah. Why? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it could be a specific detail, like, Well, my last two boyfriends don't think so, and they're in my backyard under age 16. Something like that. Or it could be an act out that's a little crazy

crazy stuff people would do yeah yeah i was like i'm not crazy but i left my tape recorder in the bathroom you know like yeah yeah but i don't know how that's crazy. Just so I can hear what they're talking about. All right. Like, something is centric enough to where I'm like, I believe that you're crazy. You can't just... Everyone's crazy.

You could really let it rip. You could just have a total conversation with yourself. You can say the most dark thing. You can go from one thing to... Yeah, I need to crazy it up more. You can go like, you know, bobbity, bobbity, bobbity, bobbity, bobbity, and then I should probably be...

I should probably take my medicine at the proper times. No, we shouldn't. And then he can go like, you know, bop-dee-bop-dee-bop-dee-bop-dee-bop, and then I should probably take my medicine at the proper times. No, we shouldn't. And then he can go back and forth. Who's got time to medicate? Yeah, no, I think we should. No, stop taking that medicine. I'd like to ask her, I don't know if you feel good with acting that out. Are you an act-out type person?

Do you do improv or acting or anything where you can convey that message? Yeah, I mean, I think I could. I think I could ham it up a little. I've done a little improv. I don't do acting. Ham it up? I think it's more because you're so dry the whole time. She's not dry. She's a very dirty girl. Whoa.

Oh, boy. She's definitely the first female we've had on this show tonight. I mean, it's like... They've been brought home. Science and science. Fucking awesome. But I think like, because the way you said it, am I crazy? And yes I am.

We think we are crazy. Like, maybe just find a funny, like, quirky detail that none of us would recognize and be like, I say we, but I'm not crazy and I know that because I've been institutionalized. It's like, that's the driest, not funny version. Like that's, but what else would it be to get institutionalized? Like, but I know that because, like, I've only stabbed three male men. Or whatever, you know what I mean? These are, again, pew, pew, pew.

And actually, I did kind of forget the ending because I told her once before and I was like, yeah, we could tell that on Monday. But it's just me. And I guess maybe that helps a little. Yeah, I don't get that. I don't either. But I understand.

I kind of see what she was trying to do. All right. But then I would say something like. She said, we can say this on Monday. And it's like, no, it's just kind of me. But the problem is it's only just us. It's just me. You know what I mean?

Start playing with us. See, you're getting too much in your head. That's true. Yeah. If we got to walk down. I need a hardcore's true. If we got to walk down a... I need a hardcore example. Yeah, we got to walk down a little path to get there. No, you can crazy it up.

No, you can crazy it up. Oh, now she's going to check. Yeah, not me. I'm totally crazy. Also, same thing. Mic stand. I know. We should have a mic stand. Get it out of the way. Yeah. I know. It's a mic stand thing.

We should have a mic stand sound. Just one of these. Let's start a new role. If there's a mic stand in front of you, and you don't, if you take the mic out of the stand, we're going to have a sound effect that goes off right during your set.

Do you have a sound effect of an arrow hitting a wooden target? No. Sparrow. of an arrow hitting a wooden target? No. We could... And also, listen to yourself. I mean, there's a PA system in here. You can hear yourself if you're not loud enough. Put the mic closer

to your mouth. It's not... Put the mic closer. So many people talk like this. I can't hear anything. Just move it closer and talk into the microphone. You have a microphone. That's happened twice so far. Phone is closer. You can go the other way. I've gotten... Yeah, that sounds...

That's perfect. Next time I hear that again. So when you hear the angry seal. I scan Sally. That's what we'll call that seal. Sally the... alright. Mike's the... alright.

Fuck yeah. Let's move along. Sarah Kenny, everybody. Thank you. She's S. Kenny Comedy. S. Kenny Comedy. No underscore, just Skinny Comedy. Princess Kenny.

Hey, Josh, you're here? I think he's getting us drinks. They made Kenny a chick lately in South Park. Little Princess Kenny. I know. Played a stick of truth at all? No, the video game I heard was badass. It was so funny.

I just can't get myself to hook up my Xbox again. Oh, here's Josh. There he is. Josh, can we get around? Yeah. Thanks, man. Right. Fucking attitude of that guy.

He's like a ray of sunshine. Water. Water. Jesus. So this is the part of the show where we move along and do the two regular girls on the show that do a brand new minute every week since its inception. So they're little monsters that we're

building here. And it's always fun. It's always a new, different minute. So let's do it again. This week, going first, put your hands together for her. You know her from Kill Tony and the Dysentery Podcast. It's Sarah Weinshank. Trying to be more positive, guys.

People keep telling me I'm always talking about what I don't like. I'm going to talk about what I like. I like playing with fire. Specifically burning bridges. I like taking a full gives other people lemons. I like taking silver linings and painting them black. That's it. Oh yeah. I got it.

I like the grass on the other side. I, yeah. I didn't know what to do with that. I had that, but I didn't get to it. So I didn't know. Even when I said it, maybe it was a mistake. No, I don't think I took that bullet for you.

I think it's, uh, I think the grass is, oh, wait. My grass is greener. Yeah, it would be, the grass is always greener on my side. No, no, that's the opposite. Right? But isn't that the thing? No, the thing is, the grass is always greener on the other side. And I hate green. So a pessimist would be like, I always like the other grass. So the grass is always greener on the other side?

No, my grass is always brown. My neighbor's grass is greener. My neighbor lays soft. Maybe not my neighbor. I mean the neighbor's lawn. I just thought bring the neighbor into it. The astroturf is greener on the other side. We talked about you doing a positive set last week.

It was really interesting to see your take on a positive set. I didn't know that inside. That changes everything. Well, she was talking about how, you know, she always has a, like, kind of negative, like, you know... Outlook on life. Outlook on life. And so I thought it would be interesting

that she did, like, a positive... And you took it to a weird level of positive. I love it. I love the physical. What was the word you used here? Clever. So, like, I'll give you a positive set, but it. I love the physical. What was the word you used here? Clever. I'll give you a positive set,

but it's still negative, which is funny. It's still negative. I love it. I like negative things, which is very cool,

which means I like the grass on the other side. I still stand fucking behind it. Did you realize you were still kind of making it

negative while you're making it positive, or do you think that's positive and you're broken? I don't know. I knew that I was making it negative. Good.

Yeah. So you knew what you were doing? Well, yeah. Yeah. Do you always root for the bad guys in movies? No. I'm just, like, kind of indifferent. Wow.

I think I like Ursula. I like... That's the only movie villain I can think of. You? The bad guy from Twin Peaks? No. Little Mermaid. From Little Mermaid.

Oh. But I think they probably came out in the same year. Twin Peaks and Lauren. I would almost bet. Man, that's a big... I want your line right there. You got a really good... What's... It probably came out in the same year. Twin Peaks and Lauren. I would almost bet. That's a big one in your life right there. That's when I stopped developing. That's such an interesting thing

to play with. That whole positive negative is just so fun. I like the, uh, I like that a lot. I feel like, Tony, I can't believe you're not spouting these out right now. No, I know. It's just a little bit hard for me to think of positive things.

When you're in love. Because you have to think of the positive thing first and then flip it, you know. So I was thinking maybe there's something like, you know, I believe in the power of the secret. That's where you can do the opposite. Right. Stop and smell the secret. That's where you... And do the opposite. Stop and smell the flowers. I like to... Correct me if I'm wrong. It would be I like to run past the smell of the flowers.

Or am I completely wrong here? You're completely wrong on that. Stop and smell the flowers. Can you say it to me? Run and ignore the flowers. I like to burn bridges, is what you said. I like to stop and smell the flowers, but I smell them by picking them out of the ground first so that they could die a slow death in the next few days.

I think I stopped and smelled the flowers in a cemetery. Right. That's pretty good. I like to stop and smell the flowers in other people's graves. That's pretty good. I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell of flowers.

I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell of flowers. Other people's graves. That's a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one.

That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one.

That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. That is a good one. I like finding what the penny is you're just leaving them with. No. No? That's too nice.

Like you're leaving them with somebody else. What are those things called? What are these little sayings called? Uh, they're... Wine chinks? Wine chinks? You don't know wine chinks. It's like the opposite of what Ben Franklin tells us.

You give us your version of it. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. It's very, very funny. I really enjoy it. I don't step on cracks, but you know, you guys know where this is going. I don't even like it. Not great mother's back.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We had our one hit. Yeah, I'm gonna back it up. I'm so happy that I started my period, not because I'm not pregnant, but because I like the smell. Oh! So another... Another great hand minute from Sarah Weinshank.

She's on Twitter as Princess Shank. That's S-H-E-N-K. Princess Shank. Man, I love that. I love that. It's another great hand minute. She's adding on to that. It's another great minute. She's adding on to it. It's so awesome. When we saw them in La Jolla a couple weeks ago doing longer sets, they were killing. And I could totally see how that minute could rotate right into

everything else that she's doing and give it a fresh breath of perspective mixed in with all the other stuff. She's just talking about hating everything, which she's really good at. You seem a little nervous. What? I don't know, you seem like you're really into this girl.

Well, I am, so these are the two regulars on the show. No, I know, it just seemed like you got a little schoolboy-ish. I'm very schoolboy-ish when it comes to these two girls. I am too, yeah. I am very invested in their careers. That's a great assessment, though. If they end up turning into heroin-addicted cookers, I'm very invested in their careers. That's a great assessment. If they end up turning into heroin-addicted cookers, I'm an asshole.

And I'll be happy as fuck! There you go. It's bad cop, worst cop, me and Brian. How are you doing, Jesus? Are you doing good over there? Put your hands together for our final regular,

your final comedian of the night. Regular since the beginning of her comedy career, which started in your uncle Tony. Miss Kimberly Coggan. Thank you. Hi, guys. My name's Kimberly. My friends call me Kim.

My dad calls me, like, twice a year. I'm a comedian. It's kind of hard being a female comedian, you know, because I feel like people don't take me seriously. You know, I'm more than just a pretty face. I've also got a rocking hot body. I'm from Florida. I lived there my whole life. Believe it or not, I've never even killed a black guy. But I have killed a black erection. Yeah, my dad was really mad, and I was like,

listen, I was just standing my ground. And besides, you were a deadbeat like five jokes ago. Well, thank you very much. You've all been decent. That's a very, very, uh, it's a very smart callback that you just did, but it's not that funny. It was like three jokes ago, I think. Very smart, right. No, it was actually really, really smart. The number of jokes has nothing to do with it how I have a head whether it's 34 or 5 but super smart but that's one of the things

which I always have a problem with because I'm a fucking genius sometimes it's smart but it's not funny hey will you want to get out of here but let's talk about that other stuff. That he calls me twice is awesome. That's fantastic. And there's more to be said with that.

You could stay right in the pocket with that stuff. Since you talk about your mom, which we've heard a lot about in the many episodes that you've done, you know, that's really something that we don't hear a lot from, and I'm guessing... But I've heard that joke before, right? You've done this joke. I've done it on my set

Oh, you've seen it on my set too because I did it in Longway But you haven't done it on your full time What is the next step of that? My dad only calls me twice a year Now, I know you're thinking or don't worry he only wants money

I don't know, like something, go into the darkness of that? Yeah. Well, I kind of talk about my dad a little bit, like, beating my mom in some of my sets, I think I said on Kill Tony. So, like, funny stuff. Oh, I had a weird childhood because he wouldn't let me watch rated R movies, but he hit my mom in front of me. Oh, I like that.

They were too violent. The rocking hot bod part, is that something she should do or is that something... Yeah. It's kind of like a... Is it too conceited? Yeah. With the Toy Story show? I mean, don't get me wrong, Sissy, you've got a rocking hot bod.

I know. You definitely didn't commit to it. What made it funny... Yeah, that was what made it funny. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Is that you didn't commit to it. That I knew I didn't.

You sort of broke afterwards and so it made it funny. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Is that you didn't commit to it. You sort of broke afterwards and so it made it alright. But there's two ways of doing that. Either you don't do it at all or you do it and you really fucking have to sell it. Show some bush maybe? No, not at all.

However, I almost think the opposite. You don't do it at all or you have to have the literally the worst body in the world in order to like make that funny joke. Does that make sense? Right. Yeah. It's also gotta be more comic. Right. Yeah. You'd also have to have more of that. Now we're just all checking out your body. Right when he said that I just started looking at your crotch and your tits. Well I I was supposed to go right into my flaws after that, but I forgot. I have some.

I think you do. Tell us about them. No, I'm kidding. I mean... Stinky butt. Stinky butt? Stinky butt. Stinky butt?

Who doesn't have a stinky butt? Yeah, that was the only thing that stuck out for me was the Rockin' Hot Vibe thing. Although, you know what? It was so incredibly charming when you laughed at yourself that I immediately was like, oh, that's interesting. I guess that is your thing, though. So find a moment. Because you can do it exactly the way that you did it this time, but that's really hard

And play off the response. And play off the response, because once you said that, it was such dead air. I don't know if people disagree with you or they just thought, wow, she's really over her head. Ask the audience. They didn't have a response at all. Bullshit. What happened?

What did you expect them to do? I don't know. I'm trying to get a pause break after that one. Really? Let's go both ways. Let's say you are literally Barbie body, just like, just picture-esque body,

like are cartoonishly like what we are told is a hot body. If you said that joke and Jessica Rabbit, everyone would be like, fuck this fucking cunt. Yeah, they'd be more

annoyed. And if you were obese, we'd be like, oh, now she's making fun of herself. So if you're not either of those, you really can't

like say that. Or you could say that you have a hot body because you have a flu and your temperature is like 100 degrees. Or you could twist it at the end. I have a hot body. I'm walking in my body. I'm walking in my body. Because I'm a mule for Harold. Like you can say that.

In one of the bubbles, bro. Kimberly, thank you so much. Another great day. So much fun with everybody we saw tonight. Sarah Kenny, Ross Santos, Greg Banta, Ori and Nier, Skylar, and of course, Mug Silva. Put your hands together for Jesus Christ, everybody.

Follow him on Twitter at Kevin Lee Light. That's the real Hollywood Jesus. We're my old, very good friends for many years here. We used to live across the street from each other. That's Kevin Lee Light, L-I-G-H-T, on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. This is Nick Rutherford. He's on Twitter. He's probably got something coming up.

At Nick Rutherford. Check it out. And also check out Meet Nick and Jane. Oh, yeah. Check out the podcast. Nick Rutherford. Check it out. And also check out me, Nick, and Jane. Oh, yeah. Check out the podcast. On Dunstown. It's podcast, where we just smoke a bunch of weed and do improv shit. Willie Hunter's on Twitter, and he has his own big show coming up.

Tell us about it. At Will Hunter's show. And the Willie Hunter show will be back from a year of hiatus. Next Monday, guest Ian Edwards. Wow. Is your coach still stable? Of course. He was great.

He was the Patriot last week. Earl killed it. Portland, Seattle, Vancouver were coming. The Cat Pack is back. The 18th and 19th on the 20th of April. Yep. And a big 420 show at Vancouver. It's at Casino.

It's going to be big. Go to deathsquad.tv for it. Thank you, live audience, for coming out tonight.tv for it. Thank you live audience for coming out tonight. So much fun, thank you so much. Thank you..