KILL TONY - KILL TONY #440

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

Donnell Rawlings, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, David Deery, Brandon Thompson, Joel Jimenez, Jessie Johnson, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 03/02/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The seven greatest words. Do you want to get another McRib? Making the eight greatest words. The legend returns. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. For a limited time at participating restaurants in Canada. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.TV for everything Kill Tony, including past episodes of the show, video portions, and if you click on tour dates,

you can come see us live. Not only do we record every Monday at the world-famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, but we are on the road all the time. So if you click on tour dates, you can see that we're in Vancouver, Swansea, La Jolla, Ventura, Washington, Boston, Austin, a bunch of dates.

Click on tour dates at DeathSquad.TV. Also, check out Tony's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his stand-up dates. So go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. And Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every single episode of Kill Tony. You can check out his website, ryanjebelt.com. He has posters, prints.

He even has the Kill Tony book there. So check out ryanjebelt.com. And last but not least, shopsquad.tv. There you have the official Kill Tony T-shirt, including Death Squad hats and shirts and mugs. Go to shopsquad.tv, the official merchandise of Kill Tony. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the road-famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Get up on Tony! Hedgeclap! Wow, how exciting is this? Live, the number one podcast in the world. Live podcast in the world. The great Brian Red Band's here, everybody. Fuck yeah. And look at that, it's the great house artist Ryan J. Ebelt right there. Wow. Live in the flesh. Look at that. His markers on the video screen and everything. How exciting.

What a production. How about a hand for Danny Lucas on the brand new lighting system here at the Comedy Store? It's debut. The first time there's been new lights here in about 80 years. So that's very exciting. We just had an unbelievable show in Swansea, Massachusetts. Over 1,000 people came out to see us. Right between Providence and Boston. We're going back to Boston April 9th. Stand-up shows for me April 10th and 11th. And we're going to La Jolla this weekend.

I do believe there's still some tickets. See me do stand-up March 5th through 6th. That's four shows of stand-up comedy where I headline. The great David Lucas will be opening for me all weekend there in La Jolla with Punky Johnson featuring. And, yeah, two Kiltonis on March 8th. Then we go to Ventura. We go to Ventura, California, March 12th.

Tacoma Kiltoni, March 21st with standup on the 20th and 21st as well. Skankfest South, March 27th to the 28th. That's a really big deal. And Miami gets their first ever Kiltoni, April 3rd with me doing a standup show back at the Miami Improv April 4th. There you go.

Sure, absolutely. And we're at Moon Tower, April 22nd and 23rd. with me doing a stand-up show back at the Miami Improv April 4th. There you go. Sure. Absolutely. And we're at Moon Tower April 22nd and 23rd. And there's no show here on April 20th. A fun fact. 4-20, there will be no Kill Tony here. I will be in Vancouver opening an arena. Maybe we should do a comedy show. The Great Joe Rogan.

Yeah, maybe. Kill Tony comedy show. No, it's not going to be a killed Tony comedy show. All right, a secret show. Because I'm Tony. It's a secret show. Yeah, you can call it whatever you would do. Wacky doodle show.

There you go, sure. There you go. This is great. We're continuing the sweet momentum of the start of the show here. And fun stuff. Shout out to Caveman Coffee giving us perhaps too much energy here tonight. Delicious Vito's Pizza on La Cienega, keeping us fed. And go to ryanjebelt.com to get your most recent Kill Tony prints of all your

favorite episodes and of the road shows. Very exciting stuff. What a team we have surrounding us. It's not easy to find a team like that. Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy, and you only have to go to one place to get it done, and that's ZipRecruiter.com slash Kill Tony. Right, Brian? Yeah, ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job sites, but they don't just stop there. With their powerful matching technology, ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes

to find what the right one is, what the best experience you can have, and invites them to apply to your job. Yeah, what else? You can also add screening questions to your job listings so you can filter candidates and focus on the best ones. Yeah, you can find someone that knows how to read. Yes.

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To start your free deliveries, download the app and use Kill Tony. first seven days. To start your free deliveries, download the app and use Kill Tony. That's code Kill Tony, all one word, for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app. Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmate it. Download Postmates and save with the code Kill Tony. Yeah. You guys ready to start tonight's episode, huh? Comedy store. This is an exciting one. We always have one of the funniest comedians in the world on this show. This week is no different.

In fact, this might be absolutely one of my favorites on the planet. It's his first time as a guest on Kill Tony, so let's see how loud this place can get. You know him from Chappelle's show, so many other great things. Ladies and gentlemen, the great Donnell Rawlings. Wow.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. I don't know. Ah, my mind's telling me no. My body. Oh shit, that's how he finds out how many black people are in the room when it's this dark out there.

Black people love R. Kelly, nigga. Fuck them rapes. I love it, Donnell. Welcome to the show. Bacon soda. I got bacon soda. Donnell said, bray us. Nigga, I'm getting rid of ash, nigga.

Absolutely. I'm in love with the lotion it's absolutely true he actually has a new candle the black ash candle son why you blowing my shit up son you let me smell it before the show but you told me

we weren't going to talk about it and you told me we weren't going to talk about it because you didn't pay for that spot. I know. I didn't say that. That's not true. This is what you told me. You said, Donnell, we make a lot of money.

We're not going to promote your black-ass ashy candle. And I committed to coming to your show. I committed to coming to your show. Okay, first off, this is a good friend of mine. I didn't know until last week that a lot of people think he's an asshole. Who told you that? I'm not going to tell you to say that. But they say that you own your asshole-ism, and they respect you for it.

They love you. And we would talk about coming on the show. He was like, yo, do my shit. And I'm like, I'm gonna do your shit. Right. Right. Yeah. I kept asking you over and over and over again. And then I said, nigga, I'm gonna do it. Yeah. Eventually I said that. But there was also a part where you said that I didn't text you. Meanwhile, you have your red receipts on your cell phone and I can see exactly when you started ignoring me. You know this to be true. I didn't know I was ignoring you.

I thought it was somebody else. And then when I finally came on the show and I'm excited to be here, this is what I didn't know, and we're being friends, that you have so many fucking rules. The only thing I really said was that you're not allowed to interrupt the comedian 60 seconds,

and then you started saying, what's up with all these rules? You added a plural to one request. I said, Donnell, you have a reputation for interrupting people on shows. I said, but that's the old Donnell, nigga. I said, I'm not, old Donnell, nigga. I said, I'm not. And you looked me in my face and you said, you're known to be

the interrupter. And I'm like, so you're telling me I can't interrupt. So, I won't interrupt. No. I might look like I want to interrupt. But I won't interrupt. You can interrupt anything you want as long as it's not the comedian. And you gave me specific.

You said. I still don't think you understand the one rule. No, I'm just saying. How are you going to invite an interrupted motherfucker to your shit? And you told me this. This is what you said. There's going to be a time, Donnell. And he looked me right in my eyes and he said, look at me.

I'm going to go in the bucket. I'm going to pull a name and this is the only time you can't interrupt. That's true. And I didn't want to do it. And also the three regulars. They don't get pulled out of the bucket. You can't interrupt them either.

Yep. And you also, the other rule you told me is that you can't make fun of any of the band. No, I didn't say that you can't make fun of the band. I said it's probably best to not make fun of the band because they're so beloved. Which brings me to the band, ladies and gentlemen. Every single week they commit to being different characters. I have no idea what they could possibly be tonight getting ready in their separate dressing room. Let's all find out together.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best damn band in the land, the Kill Tony band, Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Chroma Chris, and Jesse Johnson. Whoa. I knew it. Wow. Oh, we know these people.

White trash for sure. Wow, that's a... Look how legit this is. Very good. There we go. We get it. That's a lot of stuff there. Make some noise for the band. They're white trash tonight for sure. I know where their vote is going.

I could just see it. Incredible. Remind me of your name again, lead band member there. Hell yeah. What's up? Dave Gunther, everybody. How y'all doing?

God bless America. Dave Gunther. Hell yeah. And who's that sweet little lady next to you there? Oh, this is my cousin and my baby mama, Darlene. You don't talk about my fucking sister like that.

She's my cousin. She's my sister. She's my baby mama. You shut the fuck up. I'll whoop you all upside the head. All right. Who's that young buck next to her? Her name is Jesse.

Jesse Smollett. Wow. Wow. Wow. All right, Jesse. Welcome to the show. And then clearly back here we have the corpse of John Benet Ramsey, it seems. What's your name? Thank you for thinking I looked that young, first of all.

Go ahead. Second of all, name's Travis Plow, Tony. Travis Plow. All right. They locked me out of the motorhome. I got a little bit of a tan. I'm sorry. I apologize. The white trash people have made an appearance

on the show before. This is the first time we've seen Darlene tonight as a full-time band member now. And this is very exciting. We have them. We have Donnell. We have Red Band. Can I talk right now? You can talk, absolutely. You guys rock. Yeah. Good shit.

Absolutely. Which brings me... Oh, no, nigga! They're white trash. Yo. They're real white trash, Donna. Oh, shit! That's real white trash.

I knew it, motherfucker! I knew it! Son, I said I knew where the fucking vote was going to go. Thank you, Tony. And this is a week after Black History Month. You know how to do a show. Man, last week was the longest week of my life. You know what I'm saying?

That's right. And it's Women's Month now, and we love Trump. That's right. Dave Gunther is wearing Trump socks because he's playing a white trash character. I'm wearing them because I'm a Republican. No, I'm kidding. I'm a Republican. All right.

And Darlene is playing a trumpet. Okie dokie. That's like a little Trump. There you go. All right. There you go. Like a small Trump. Okay.

Which brings me to this, everybody. The bucket of destiny, everyone. This is what I can't talk. Before the show, about a hundred people signed up for the chance to get pulled out of this bucket. You know how it works. If I pull your name out, you get to do a set, and then I interview you, find out more about you,

and we talk with you. Me and Donnell and this crazy group here. This is a time I can't talk. No, you can talk right now. Well, no, after I pull the name out. God damn, nigga, too many rules, man. Whoa, that's a real sword. No, why did y'all look like that was black violence right now? They looked at me like, hands up, shoot him, nigga. Accident, yo, that was too much, son.

No, it's all good, it's all good. It was an accident. I like your energy. No, it's all good it was an accident I like your energy no it looked like whoa like if I pull your name out of the buggy you get 60 seconds

you know your stand up set that doesn't get interrupted is up when you hear the sound of a kitten that means wrap it up then or else you're gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear that's it

you guys ready to start this show or what? Comedy store, this is it. You're at the best place to be on a Monday night. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show? Yeah! Here we go. And your first comedian getting an onion.

I always wanted to say that. Oh, when it too... When did you start? When does it start? You really don't listen to anybody. When does it start? No, I just was so amped because I was like, fucking yeah! Tony, what is this, a movie theater?

I liked it. Yo, y'all are jumping me, man! Fuck that! Black lives matter! Black lives matter. Black lives matter. All right. All right. All right.

I'll shut the fuck up, son. Just for the next maybe 60 seconds. Well, 60 seconds after the person gets up here. Damn. Make some noise for your first comedian of the night with an exclamation point. His name is Corduroy or her name. Let's see what happens here. Corduroy.

Here comes Corduroy. Make some noise for Corduroy. Make some noise ladies andorduroy, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, oh. Deep cleansing breath. Have you ever eaten something because your mouth was closer than the trash can? Okay. from the trash can.

Okay. Hobbies, everybody's got them. Mike's girlfriend had them. She really enjoyed trains. That didn't work out so well. For me, I mean, to clarify, she's doing great.

Choo-choo. Trying to operate a flat-screen TV without the remote is a lot like a prepubescent kid fondling somebody for the very first time. Awkward. Awkward. fondling somebody for the very first time awkward uncomfortable I'm not judging I was raised in the 80s with high waisted jeans so I'm pretty sure

there you go that's beyond your time way beyond the time Corduroy C beyond the time, Corduroy. Corduroy, over here. Corduroy, don't you do it, you son of a bitch. Don't you continue a joke that is over. See, this is why you need to change the fucking rules, bro. Exception to the rule, nigga.

That was painful as a motherfucker, son. But I was waiting. You said I couldn't talk for a minute. I was like this. You're so good. I was like, oh. I looked at him. I said, what time is it, nigga?

What time is it? I just had to show him the clock. He was at 51 seconds. It wasn't. And I understand. Your rule is perfect. It makes sense. I'm just saying.

Welcome to the show, Corduroy. I agree with everything Donnell just said, but it's a tough spot. He's the first comedian of the night, second murderer ever in the history of the show. But let me tell you something. Now, I will say this. The motherfucker had the presence.

He had the swag. He wasn't afraid of anything. He knew only he had fucking probably two punchlines. Maybe. And he didn't rush it, and he stayed true to it. But He wasn't afraid of anything. He knew only he had fucking probably two punchlines. Maybe. And he didn't, maybe. I don't think we ever saw those. And he didn't rush it and he stayed true to it.

But it's a minute. And in a minute you gotta do a lot of shit in a minute. You know, I just feel like this. Like as long as it took people to get to know you, they'll say, oh shit, this motherfucker cool. He come to joke. Eh, might be a joke, won't be a joke. But then it was time to get off stage. It was a minute.

So the only thing I'm saying, do we get advice on this show? If you want to, if you're in the mood to. But you don't have to. The thing is, the place that you got in that minute, like at the end, especially you're going to get opportunities like this where it's short time. That place you got to at the end, if you bring it up closer and get people to

know you quicker, Punch Time will come and you should have popped. But I was making fun because it took a long time. Yeah. There's a lot of heavy breathing in the beginning of that set. How long have you been doing stand-up, Corduroy? That was my first time. Wow.

His first time ever doing stand-up, everybody. How exciting. You ever perform anything on stage before? I tried once in Portland. Stand up. Comedy Funhouse. But I mean anything else. Have you ever performed anything? Do you have any special art skills or talents or anything like that? I've spent multiple

years DJing. DJing? Oh wow. He got gold fronts. He fuck black bitches. He does. He does. Not only does he have a grill, he clearly also uses one very regularly. He's a big guy with a grill. Anyway, so let's talk about why do you have a grill? How'd that happen? Face the audience.

This is not a part. God damn, that police light came on, sir. Corduroy, I asked you a question. How long have you had the grill for? I've had it for about four years. Four years. What made you want to do that? With gray hair instead.

Corduroy, it's a pretty simple question. I don't think you need to adjust the microphone for that. No, no, my back is so uncomfortable. No. Take the mic out of the microphone for that. No, no. My back is so uncomfortable. No. Take the mic out of the mic stand, then. It's removable. It's a special new microphone we have. Okay.

Go again. What? What? What do you do for work, Corduroy? How do you make a living? Such a great question. I haven't found anything for a while. I moved here, and...

All this story's long as shit, son. Yeah, I know. It's so simple. You could literally just answer the questions we're asking you, Corduroy. Come on, wrap it up. He's probably got the nerves. You a little bit nervous right now, Corduroy?

Everything happening in slow motion. He's taking a deep breath with every thought. Yeah. Let me adjust this mic stand while I think about how long I've been doing stand-up comedy. The answer is my first time, Tony. Ding. All right.

What's something crazy about your life that we would find interesting? Any fun facts about corduroy? I moved down here. I'm super excited. I'm a bisexual gargoyle. Yes. Go for it. I spent the last 10 years at the world's first vegan strip club in Casa de Ajo.

A vegan strip club? Vegan strip club, Portland, Oregon, the last 12 years. What are they eating in a strip club that you have to have different dietary fucking... You said a vegan strip club. What is a strip club? World's first vegan strip club. Who goes into a strip club and complains about the roast beef? That's ridiculous.

Come on. What do you mean vegan? They really serve vegan food or are the strippers just vegan? All the pussy was plant based. It was all plant based. It was beyond pussy. It was beyond pussy. Was it beyond pussy? Because I never had

no beyond pussy. It's like Is it vegan food or are the strippers pussy? Was it beyond pussy? Because I never had no beyond pussy, son. Is it vegan food or the strippers vegan? A bunch of pale, sad strippers? It was a full round. We had all vegan food, ethical. You couldn't wear fucking leather or fucking

feathers. Oh my god. Did anybody give a fuck? It was Portland, so eventually, yeah. Really? Caught on. Real uppity people that are so uppity they won't be around meats or leather,

but they're going to a strip club. Well, it was two-way contact and it was pretty fucking amazing. What? It was like on the outskirts of town. Yes. Wait. I don't know that type of yes, nigga. Let's talk about it. No, he brought the yesskirts of town. Yes. Wait. I don't know that type of yes, nigga. Let's talk about it. No, he brought the yes into me.

He said yes. Two-way contact. I don't know what that is, nigga. What does that mean? So you're getting the lap dance, right? Okay. So it's how many ways to contact. If we're not touching each other at all, there's zero contact.

Right. But I come up there, lay the fuck back. Lay it back. Wait, what's going on? Step away from the town. I'm the one giving the contact. But if there's two-way contact, that means I'm giving the contact

and... What's up, daddy? Nah, that's too much contact. I would have never been in that club. Two-way contact. Never trust a guy named Corduroy wearing dicks, brother. I need a different voice with two-way contact. Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, yeah, put this on your microphone because you do the thing that black people do where they slam it on the table. So we need an extra thing. We need to do the extra thing. Andrew Schultz is known for it. Okay, very good, Corduroy. Thank you for contributing less than nothing.

Shit. So, I guess... Oh. Oh, shit, it works. Hey, that is pretty good. All right, Corduroy. So, Vegan, it works. Hey, that is pretty good. All right, Corduroy. So, Vegan Strip Club. I guess we'll talk more about it maybe next time.

Are you planning on doing more stand-up comedy? Nope. That's it. The decision has been made by Don L. Rawlings. Ladies and gentlemen, there he goes, Corduroy, everybody. He's on Twitter at Corduroy Xavier. X-A-V-I-E-R. Hey.

Fuck yeah. The band sounds great tonight. How about a hand for the band, everybody? Corduroy. Give it up for Corduroy, yeah. I didn't even understand it. So I guess the stripper's giving a dance and he just jerks dudes off or something like that? Like, I didn't get it.

You want some contact? Two-way! One-way is illegal. Want to travel the world? International Experience Canada provides opportunities for young Canadians to get a work permit in over 35 countries and territories. Visit Canada.ca slash IEC. A message from the Government of Canada. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport.

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all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for your next comedian. His name is Anthony Cardoza.

Anthony Cardoza, everybody. Here he comes. Live on Kill Tony from the Comedy Store. Hey, how's it going, guys? A little bit about me. I have been to rehab twice. When I was in rehab, thank you. When I was in rehab, there was this girl there.

She used to always talk to me about the dangers of eating meat and how it reduces the longevity of life. I would just be like, bitch, aren't you in here for heroin? Here's something I think we'd all relate to you ever uh you know get a new outfit maybe some new cologne and you go out for the night you're looking good you're feeling good maybe you're on a date and you sit down at the table and right when you sit down at the table you get that warm feeling oh you get that warm feeling deep down so you get up and you run to the bathroom you kick open the stall door. And there's just no clean place for you to masturbate.

Oh, story of my life. When I heard vegan strip club, I just pictured some emaciated girl. Like, I couldn't get that thought out of my head right now. There you go. Anthony Cardoza, everybody. Thank you, guys. Fuck yeah. Welcome to the show, Anthony.

Hey, how's it going, guys? How's it going? How are you? You been on the show before? Yeah, yeah. How long you been doing stand-up comedy? Eight months, about. Six to eight months.

Eight months. You're a fighter? Yeah. I love your set. It was great so good how long you been fighting for uh about 13 years wow you do that professionally uh i fought pro in thailand a couple times but yeah just out here i'm a nobody heck yeah like i said so funny you ever break that nose ears? That thing looks fucking beat up, man.

Last time, that was the first thing you said to me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's very standout-ish. I got a big ass nose, so combat sports wasn't the right choice. So it's been broken a lot. A lot. This is why Jeremiah would never make a good fighter.

He would just go straight for that fucking... I feel you. Don't worry. Okay, Hinchcliffe. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm sorry. Don't worry. Okay, Hinchcliffe. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm sorry. Jeremiah the Target Watkins. Yeah, that's my lover slash cousin you're making fun of.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Darlene. Okay, so Anthony, what do you do for work now? How do you survive? Well, I do. I teach Muay Thai, but I just started at Airbnb. I had my first guest yesterday. Oh, wow. Airbnb. How's that? Where's your place? Is it a one bedroom apartment? What are we talking about? Studio?

They sleep in the top bunk. No, we have a little back house that we converted. Yeah. Back house. Yeah. That sounds shady. Hinchcliffe knows a lot about back house. You know what I'm saying? That's right. There you houses. There you go. You coming with the no stuff? I'm going to go with you. You got me good there, Dave. I know a lot about the back houses.

Donnell knows a lot about the black houses. Oh, shit, Dave. That's right, motherfucker. Yo, I got a walkie-talkie from in the back. Donnell has a real walkie-talkie right now. What is this? Who am I talking to?

The club? That's David Deary and Brandon. Unit one and unit two. There you go. Red Band also has his on. He's decided to turn this into a bit. Oh, okay. How's it going down there?

They were looking at me. That's why Deary was like, yo, what the fuck are you doing with the walkie-talkie? Donnell, what did you think about Anthony Cardoza? I thought he was funny. I'm a huge fan, man. Thank you. Oh, thank you, man. I thought you was funny.

I thought you was funny. I mean, what do y'all want? Nigga, the nigga was funny. How long have you lived in Los Angeles? All my life. All your life. Orange County? No, no, no.

Lincoln Heights. Lincoln Heights. Yeah, and then, but all together. Yo, you said you could fight, but you didn't tell us your record, nigga. Hey, that's a good question.

I like that. We thought you could fight. That nigga's like, I was 382, nigga. That ain't good. Man. All politics, all politics. No, what was your record?

11 and 5. 11 and 5. And you only got to the amateur race. You do golden gloves or anything like that? I did one boxing fight and

I got my ass whipped pretty bad. The whole process for you, you never probably thought you were going to be like champion of the world. No. You did it for discipline.

I think most people that do it, they think they're going to be the greatest fighter in the world. I just fucking did it. You just did it knowing that one day you'd be the Airbnb lightweight champion. Exactly. That's what I was going for.

Well, we have the back house right back here. We made it. Has anyone ever told you you look like one of Casper's brothers? Casper the ghost? Yeah, you ever seen the movie? He looks like Stretch. Wow. Go home, Google it, tell me I'm a genius.

Goodbye. Wow. Travis Plow making references from, I believe, 1996's Casper. What are you talking about? That movie just came out, man. What are you talking about? You guys just got that? Yeah, we just got that in the RV.

Y'all nose look like twins right now. That's what I'm saying. That's what's up. I looked right here and all the light, just the shadow was fucking done. They nosed up in this bitch. The shadows look like two people are flying kites in front of the main stage right now. Fuck yeah.

Weird fist bump. You guys should Eskimo kiss over there. No, but for me, it was nothing that was unlikable about you. Thank you. You know what I'm saying? Right. And I just think, you want to really do it? You really want to do it? Yeah, I've been, my first time, I fucked up and I came on Kill Tony my first time.

I got a lot of good advice from everybody. Have you performed since then? Yeah, every week I've been going at least three or four open mics. It's just going to be a matter of time. You ever get in any normal street fights? Anybody ever accidentally start you? He was 11 and 5, nigga. That nigga on Fortnite now. You don't want to hear his street record.

No, you don't want to hear that. When I learned how to fight, I actually never got in a street fight again. Right, right. Because you just tell people, look, I'm a fighter. I'll beat the shit out of you. Look at my hoodie. That's fun. 11 and 5, what's the worst beating you ever took

what do you remember hurting the most or something I have a big nose so one time I came out of the ring and my nose was like on the side

of my face oh yeah and all my friends were like oh because usually I get so high man if I lose

wow do you have a picture of that somewhere can you tag the Tony show on Instagram and then we'll repost it on the stories

or something like that. Yummy. Yes, yummy. The nose on the side is yummy to Red Band. Anthony, anything else crazy we should know about you before we let you go?

About your life or anything like that? You have like three grandmas or something like that? I don't know. Yeah, actually, I think we talked about it last time but most of my family

that I grew up with is dead. But I just had my uncle. Here we go with the sad shit. I didn't even expect that, man. Casper. I loved it. I just heard the little cover bounce off the table. I know.

I'm trying to tone it down. But I was going to say, my uncle, I didn't know I had, or I knew he was there. And he showed up, and he had cancer. And he's like, can you take care of me? So I took him in. It was like the worst fucking mistake of my life because he was an ex-drug addict so I just had this junkie destroying my house for like two months oh wow did he even have cancer yeah he's dead now so it ends happily damn he said it's so easy he's dead R.I.P. bitch R.I.P. you got him buried out there next to the back house that you're renting out right now?

New training partner. Uncle Jose's back there. I did an interview with Trump's former bodyguard this weekend. You did an interview? I did a podcast. Everyone's got a fucking podcast. But I have a podcast, and I did an interview with his former bodyguard. Would you find that interesting? Anything cool? Yeah, well, he's a big Trump guy, obviously. Yeah.

He was just talking about his days of, you know, he's a former pro boxer too. Right. So he was just talking about how boxers used to get all coked up before they fought. Right. Yeah, which is – Nothing interesting about Trump? Oh, yeah. He just said that.

That would be what I'm asking. I'm not asking about the highlight of your podcast. No, no, no. I'm asking about the interesting part of the guest that you had. No, he just said he was a great guy and he would always have supermodels over and stuff like that and he would let their families hang out with him and shit.

I agree. That's everything I've heard about the guy as well. Thank you, Tony. You're welcome, Mr. Trump. Mr. President, I'm sorry. Mr. President, how dare I? I said it wrong. I'm sorry about that.

Is that okay that I did that? Yeah. Okay, how dare I? I said it wrong. I'm sorry about that. Is that okay that I did that? Yeah. Okay, thank you. Anthony Cardoza, fun times tonight. Congratulations. There he goes, Anthony Cardoza. And before we go back to the bucket, we're going to get our first regular up here,

ladies and gentlemen. This guy, one of the longest standing regulars in the show's history. Loved by many, hated by few. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the one and the only Big Red Machine, William Montgomery, everybody. Here he comes. Here he comes. Come on, guys. Make some noise for William, everybody.

Here he is. Let me hear y'all make some noise if you're from Saipan, Indiana. I actually have a Bluetooth now. I was punched in the face last night. My parents said my first words were mom and papa and my last words to them were the bungee cord feels a little loose. Yes, I'd like to order a t-shirt cannon, please.

That's an impression of me at the gun store. Pro tip, after the teller wipes away the tears and slowly hands you the money as you have the gun in her face, don't ask for the deposit slip. How many bank robbers we got in the crowd today? Fuck yes. William Montgomery coming in

showing how it's done. Rapid fire setups and punch lines like a goddamn professional. Donnell, I have to say I loved you in the movie Ghost. I'm not fucking with you because everything you said when I saw you with Crocs, I believed everything. I'm like, if you can rock Crocs, you can assemble a fucking AK-47. That's true. Like, I believe you.

You got manuals and shit, bro. I do have manuals and shit. William, you are really starting to fill out that T-shirt you're wearing. I've actually lost 20 pounds. How'd you lose 20 pounds? What did you do? What tumor did you have removed from your belly

where you lost 20 pounds? A tumor in my ear. It was something that was affecting my hearing. No, I'm kidding. I've just been working out real hard. What have you been doing to work out? Doritos and donuts. Competitive hot dog eating competition? What'd you just fucking say?

Dorito, donuts. You guys literally have the same build. Darlene's pregnant. Look at this. Belly to belly. Like a suplex. Oh. Look at this magical

moment. Hey, that's my girl. Watch this, man. That's my fucking sister. You better watch your fucking ginger ass. Who the fuck said that? Me. I said that. That was me. That was Travis Plow. Travis, nice to see you. You guys seem like you're all related up here.

You know these white trash people? It's like Hatfield and McCoy's or whatever up there. Man, I usually get Xanax from this guy at a La Quinta Inn in Arizona, man. I do. If y'all are ever in Scottsdale, I work at a room 217 at the La Quinta. I'm selling Xanax bars I'm selling certs I'm selling Butterfingers William you got your plane tickets to Houston Texas

I did How else is life going Your parents went back home to Tennessee How do you feel now that they're gone I don't know I feel a little lost Tell us about it I don't know the night before they left lost. Yeah? Tell us about it. I don't know. The night before they left, I was laying in bed with my mother.

She was reading me... So casual! What'd you just say? So casual. Yeah, I mean, it was casual. We were hanging out... And that's what's casual about me saying it's so casual. It was casual.

Just Frances and I laying in the bed. She was reading me some Shel Silverstein lines. I don't know if y'all read Shel Silverstein. But yeah, I mean, now that they're gone, Tony, quite frankly, I've been a little down. Yeah, tell me about it. Why? Why are you sad all of a sudden? Red Band, that was funny.

Why have you been sad lately, William? Why have you been sad lately? I'm still getting over the young lady issue. Oh, but you've been holding strong? You haven't been communicating with her? I haven't. We fucked last night. Oh.

Oh, God. Communicating with her? I haven't. We fucked last night. Oh. Other than that, we haven't really been talking. But yeah, last night I ejaculated inside of her pussy. No, you didn't.

No, you didn't. I was hitting it raw. I currently have hepatitis C and B. Wow. You ejaculated in her pussy and somehow you ended up pregnant. That's incredible. All right, William. Another fun new minute. Anything else for William, anybody?

There he goes, the great William Montgomery, everyone. Going to keep it moving along. On to the next one. On to the next one. I'm doing a wonderful job of not interrupting, son. That was great. No, you're doing good. Donnell Rawlings.

During the 60 seconds. And another one's about to begin right now. I like your voice on this show. Oh, thank you. Most people hate my voice. No, I said I like your voice on this show. Oh, okay. There you go, yeah.

I feel like I talk differently during a live show than in a studio. All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Brandon McGee. Brandon McGee. Let's see what happens here. This looks like a new name. Here he comes.

Live on Kill Tony. Brandon McGee, everybody. One more time for Brandon. How's everybody doing tonight? I like to make women uncomfortable. Not the way you guys think. I don't grab them by the pussy or anything like that. I actually go the other way around with it. If anyone sits next to me, I just get up and go away. And they're pretty self-centered. They totally

internalize it. It's perfect. If you look back, they think they smell. They start smelling their armpits and everything. It's amazing. And then, it's pretty funny, I love doing it You guys should try it, I honestly I encourage it, anytime you guys get a chance Anytime a chick talks to you, just lick away I love this Me Too movement Guys, you gotta start I love everything, but you gotta flip it the other way

You gotta start respecting the power of your dick. I went out with this chick, and she totally thought she was gonna get laid, but I was like, you didn't put in the work for that. So I got her an Uber, and I jerked off. And I felt better about it, honestly. I treated myself right. I lit some candles.

Made myself a molten lava cake. It was a nice night. Alright, Brandon McGee. Donnell is now writing things down. For me to see to make me laugh because he wants to interrupt so bad. I just wrote down

I can't interrupt so I'm just writing shit. I was watching your shit. I just wrote, what the fuck? Exclamation point. Just WTF because you're writing shit. Nigga,TF. I was watching your shit. I just wrote, what the fuck? Exclamation point. Just WTF. Because you're writing shit. Nigga, I want to write too. I didn't really. I just wrote his name down. I didn't know if you do like this, you could be like, just like this. It's not

interrupted. But I was like, oh my God, get the fuck off the fucking stage. Tony, this guy looks like... It's like you lost a bet or some shit. It was like, yeah, do it, man. This is interesting shit It was like yeah do it man This is interesting It was harder to watch than Dale Earnhardt crash and burn man

Oh that was a sad time Jesse Too soon This guy looks like Dark Kent man Dark Kent? It's like Clark Kent but dark What's dark about him? His skin color man Okay There you go Is that a boat? Kent? It's like Clark Kent, but dark. What's dark about him? His skin color, man. Okay.

There you go. Is that a boat? Fuck all those skin color jokes. You said that you walk away when a woman talks to you? Well, what's up, pussy? I will. I'll take it. I'll take it. That's my girl right there. Darlene, my sister.

I think you have a good look to you, Brandon. I can't tell whether you look like a pedophile, a rapist, or a murderer. I can't tell whether you look like the assailant or the victim. I like to go in between all three. I bet. How old are you? 23. I just turned on February.

23. Just turned it in February. Okay. Thank you. He pointed. He's stupid as shit. February is right over here. January was over here.

But yeah, it was February right here. My birthday is in January. That's amazing. In March right now. He pointed like it was on February on sunset. I was in February on sunset. Really looking forward to June coming up here right over the mountains.

Very good. Very good, Brandon. You're 23 years old. You live here in LA. Are you born and raised here? Yeah. What do you do for work? What movie theater do you tear tickets at? I wish. I'm leaving for the Air Force on April 7th.

I was in the Air Force, man. Really? You didn't know that? Air Force Ones don't count, Donnell. Oh, dang it. All right. I get it, motherfucker. I get it. There it is.

That was a good one. That was an excellent one right in the middle of me. I was being patriotic. You motherfuckers ain't give a fuck. I was ready to be like, off we go. Yeah, I was in the Air Force. You're going to Lackland Air Force Base, right? Yeah.

Yeah, Lackland Air Force Base. What's your AFSC? I haven't got it yet. I'm going for a PJ, so I got my third pack. Going for pajamas? He's going for the pajamas? No, it's Special Forces Paratrooper. Oh.

Well, it's PJ for Parajumper, but it's the same thing. I got a paratrooper's right here in my pants, man. What? Absolutely. I respect that. I was in the Air Force for four years. I didn't get kicked out. I got out, and I pursued comedy.

But one thing about the military, if you talk to somebody that said he was in the Air Force for four years. I didn't get kicked out. I got out. And I pursued comedy. But one thing about the military, if you talk to somebody that said he was in the military, going to the military, it's an automatic connection. So I respect you. And before you even serve, thank you for serving before you even serve. I'm sorry. I can't. I don't want to break up such a serious moment. You are the most non-patriotic motherfucker in here.

Listen, man. You kneel with Ka-patriotic motherfucker in here. Listen, man. You kneel with Kaepernick, motherfucker. The lights are going crazy. I'm about to have a seizure right now, man. We're having our first... I know somebody's about to have a seizure. We're having our first LED backfire right now. What's happening to Joel?

This is a brand new lighting system. This is our first episode. That's what they always tell black people. This is the first time this has ever happened. Our production is normally on it, but you came and spooked the whole place out. Oh, there they go. You did it. Are we stuck with just that light for the rest of the episode?

Wow. David Lucas must have stepped on a scale. Oh, shit. So, Brandon, explain to me what you're doing. Are you going to be jumping out of airplanes? The PJs, if anyone, Navy SEALs, anyone gets in trouble, they're the ones that get sent in to save them. Wow.

So that's going to be. The credo is so that others may live, and then that's it. Oh, so you're going to be... The motto, the credo is like, so that others may live, and then that's it. Oh, so you're going to die. Pretty much. Wow, they're sending you in for that one, huh? Do you have any idea what you're going to be doing exactly or where you're going to be going? No, right?

No, not yet. No, right. Yeah, this seems like this is a one-mission job. Yeah, exactly. It's the first ever American kamikaze in the Air Force. You have to do the PASS test. It's like the physical ability stamina test. There's got to be another psychological test for you to select that job.

They have to get into your psyche a little bit more. Is it like Fortnite or what's it like? Is it like Fortnite? Literally, it's if anyone gets in trouble or if they can't get out, then they're the ones that get sent in to save them

Nigga you said that already I don't know what else To say for that Man this guy says the N word More than I do man Oh that's all you're getting From me nigga What's your last name again?

My aunt's in the Air Force So she's the one That talked me into it She said that they get Treated the best But then What question are you Answering right now? No one asked you that My aunt's in the Air Force, so she's the one that talked me into it. She said that they get treated the best. What question are you answering right now?

No one asked you that. What was your last name again? What's your last name? McGee. What kind of brown is that? My mom's Mexican. Oh, Mexican mom. What does she do for work? I don't know.

She's told me about it. Steal jobs of American people. That's what she does for work? I don't know. She's told me about it. Steal jobs of American people. That's what she does for work. You don't know she didn't tell you? She does like clerical work. I don't know specifically what she does. How about your dad? What does your white dad do? He does construction. Uh-huh. That's interesting.

Seems like your dad might be Mexican too. I'd look into that. I would build a great, great wall. Wow, the president again, jumping into tonight's episode. Always a pleasure to have you here, President Donald Trump. What did you write? Brandon McGee, 23. That's all I got on this guy. I tried to memorize.

23 was it? That's it. Are you a virgin still? What? Mexican? He's a virgin still? Are you fucking? Good question. What? Mexican? He's a granddad now, nigga.

Yeah, but he's half white. You said no. Is that true? You're a virgin? No, I'm not a virgin. How old were you when you lost your virginity? I don't know, like 16, 17? Was it just the last month? Oh, he is Mexican.

All right. 16? How about the last time you got laid? When was that? We used to go in there, and they'd tell us to go in there and when I was a virgin you had to be the first one to go in there and then the ones that didn't want to go in there

we went in after them. When was the last time you got laid? A couple months ago probably. Who was that? What happened there? Were you on a dating app or what? No, it was just a girl I met at college. Who's Quinceanera was? He's just being interrogated,

man. He answers every question like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe. What? You don't want to give too much information. That's what I'm saying, motherfucker. Interrogation. I love it, Brandon. Well, thanks for signing up. How long have you been on stand-up? This is my second time on stand-up. Second time ever on stage.

Wow. Brandon McGee, everybody. There he goes. Good luck with the Air Force, brother. Brandon McGee, everybody. There he goes. 23 years old. Good luck with the Air Force, brother. Brandon McGee, everybody. He's powerful Brandon Lee on Instagram. Let's go back to this bucket. You're scribbling a lot of stuff over there. Hangman. All right.

Pulled another name out of the bucket. Your next comedian goes by the name of Adam M. Adam M. Adam M. Period. Adam M. Oh, wow. From the normal audience part, it appears.

Wow, this is going to be exciting. Right from one of the long tables of the audience, here comes Adam M. One more time for Adam M., everybody. How's it going? Oh, this is awful. So I did not plan on this. Aphrodite hugged me and told me I was going to be on,

which is super weird. Black magic. Uh, so I like to watch, uh, what is it, YouTube, like, freak out videos. Uh, reminds me a lot of home. I was in foster care, obviously. But, uh, I know I look like a, uh, a gay Pidgeotto. You know what that means.

The hair. Uh... 30 seconds that's help me do you have anything you wanted to say? what else I recently became a stepdad so that's

all the responsibility none of the pleasure. What else? I appreciate it. Adam, what the fuck happened here tonight? What are you doing? That's good. Short stinger for that one, guys. Thank you.

I would... Donnell, go ahead. I was just hoping he didn't start counting backwards. What happened here, Adam? Explain yourself. I just did one of your 10, 9, 8. So. You came up, said this was awkward,

called yourself sort of gay or something, made fun of your hair or something, and then at 30 seconds you said, help me. What the fuck, Adam? What made you sign up for the show tonight? Because I usually listen to you on the way home. It's about an hour drive. Yeah.

Enjoy the show. And you thought you could do this? Yeah, a little bit. But it's a lot more daunting. Did you not memorize what you wanted to talk about? Did you blank out? Or did you literally just think that people were going to laugh for 30 seconds after that? He just wanted to be called.

Yeah, exactly. But I'm just like, I'm knowing the format of the show. And that's so dope. I mean, you know, that's so dope. Like, half these niggas don't even know what they up to for. Because they call my name. We do.

Sounds like the LA courthouse if you ask me. That makes sense. That's dope. There was like five pages of names and I was like, I'm not going to get called. And lo and behold. There you go. That's how life works out. Tell us something interesting about your life. You listen to the show every episode, long hour, long drive, so you know how at least maybe this part works, the interview part.

Maybe we could get through this. I hope so. So tell me something about your life that the people might find interesting that makes you different than all the other people that have been pulled out of the bucket before. Well, I feel like I have, like, a regular job. Uh-huh. What's that?

I work in HR. Uh-huh. So why don't you tell us something about your life that might be different than anybody else that's been pulled out of here. No, I mentioned it. I was in foster care. You don't have to keep fucking with the mic stand. Okay, okay, okay.

I heard him say... So, Tony, I heard this guy say he was in foster care, and then he talked about a bunch of other dumb bullshit. I feel like the foster care thing is what you need to lead with, because it's Australian for beer. Okay. So, foster care, let's start there. Okay.

Yeah. You're bilingual? Your parents gave you up for adoption right away. What did you do? What did you do, run your minute by them? You did it. minute by them? So how old were you when you got adopted? How long were you in foster care for? So I didn't get adopted.

I aged out of foster care. Dude, you're unfuckable. I got tired of you? The state got tired of me. You stayed in the system? You just fucking loved the porridge? What was it? Cream of wheat.

Huh? Cream of wheat. Uh-huh. Yeah. Very good. So did you really? You aged out? What's the age?

18? Yes. Jesus Christ. But he's been looking at 18 since he was 12. He had a beard when he was nine. How old were you when you went into foster care? 11. So what happened there?

What were the first 10 years? Talk about a late-term abortion, you know what I'm saying? What were the first 10 years of your life like? Tell us about them, Adam. They were okay. Lots of church, I don't know. Wow. Seems like a horrible family.

Yeah. So about maybe the part where. Seems like a horrible family. Yeah. So about the, maybe the part where they had to give you up for adoption. Maybe that would be the part that I'm asking about. Oh, okay, that part. Yeah, the interesting part, you fucking asshole. Jesus Christ. I'm trying to make this part interesting. You're the worst type of human that

signs up for the show and you have not an ounce of talent in your fucking brain or mind or anything. It's incredible. Just because you're a fan of the show and you have not an ounce of talent in your fucking brain or mind or anything. It's incredible. Just because you're a fan of the show. That's literally like calling into your favorite radio show to literally just go blah blah blah blah blah.

So tell us, why did your parents put you into foster care? Yo, he's a foster kid. He'll snap on you any minute now. I don't care. I don't care. I'm undefeated all time against foster children in fights. I will not lose here. Not on my show. I will send you back to foster care tonight.

He will age you in, motherfucker. I will age you in. I will Benjamin Buttons you straight back into foster care. All right, forget it. Adam, you seem stuck. In what? What's your ethnicity? Mexican. Foster care. All right, forget it. Adam, you seem stuck. In what? What's your ethnicity?

Mexican. What do I look like? Mexican, bud. You look ISIS-y to me. Don't ask me that. I'll keep it real, nigga. You look ISIS-y as shit. All right, I can get behind that, man.

I can get behind that, man. 10-9-8-7-6 in the name of Allah! Gay ISIS, man. Gay ISIS. Man, I like this the name of Allah. Gay ISIS, man. Gay ISIS. Man, I like this black guy now. This is cool, man. My mind's telling me no. We can all get along, motherfucker. But Mohammed's telling me yes.

I don't want to hurt no cracker. Oh, he threw out the C word. There goes the sponsors. I love it, Adam. Well, you gave it a shot, I guess, sort of. You're the reason. There you go. Even the microphone just killed itself.

The cable just disengaged. You the bomb, dog. Literally. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, Adam M., everybody. There he goes. Yeah. All right.

Can I pull a name out of the bucket and give it to you and not say anything? Absolutely. How the fuck do you know the rules? But before we do that, we actually have another regular, and then I'll let you pull the name out of the bucket. We've got to knock another one out. This guy notorious for his great joke writing and incredibly ridiculous roasting off the top of his head abilities.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you David Lucas, everybody. Come on. Here we go. David Lucas, everybody. Come on, make some noise for David, everyone. Yeah, what's up, man? Yeah, what's up, man? My cousin just died after we raised $250,000

to get this nigga a new heart. Like, nigga, can you not be weak enough to die before we raise the money? Burying this nigga was like burying a treasure, you know what I'm saying? Ain't none of us seen no money like that before. You know what kind of funeral we could have had for you? We could have had a Ferris wheel at your shit. A hundred thousand more dollars, I would've hired one of them puppeteers

to string your body up and make you dance in front of the whole audience. You could've had a platinum casket, nigga, with a diamond chain, would you? Everybody, oh, okay. David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen, doing it again. Hey, this nigga right here is hard. What up, Darnell?

Nothing, nigga. I'm just drawing pictures of you before you start fucking with me, son. I knew your fat ass was coming, nigga. This is you, nigga. This is our next step. This is our next step. David fucking Lucas. I've been waiting. I know you've been waiting. This is our next stamp. David fucking Lucas. I've been waiting. I know you've been waiting, nigga.

You did a good job. But you should get somebody to pick out your bra before you come on stage, bro. You just exposed all of Victoria's Secret, nigga. We know. It's a 44 double D. You look like a squirrel on chemo, nigga. If you don't shut your goddamn master splinter looking ass up. You look like you shop at the San Diego Zoo, nigga.

Let me get one bare skin rub, one elephant, and one nigga possumus. You the only... Your black ass, nigga. A nigga possumus. Let the joke live. No, nigga. Fuck. How the fuck you look like you, nigga?

That's the worst shit ever. You're guilty of looking like you. So, Yon, what do you look like me, nigga? Lock me up. My mind telling me no. How do you look like a fat Larez Tate, nigga? You look like a fat everything that got fired from BET, nigga. Get the fuck out of here, nigga.

How you a gangster with pink lips? Your lips are pink. You a thug with pink lips, nigga. You ain't never smoked a newborn a day in your fucking life. Fake ass, soft, punchy ass, thug ass, nigga. You ain't never smoked a newborn a day in your fucking life. Fake ass soft punchy ass thug ass nigga. Get the fuck out of here. The nigga got fly away jeans. Look at his nigga

jeans. Look at his nigga jeans. His jeans is wrong. My God say his jeans is a wrong. I'm allergic to you, nigga. What do you mean my rabbit destroy you for 10 minutes, nigga? 10 fucking minutes.

They told me don't interrupt. I'm like, I'm interrupting this nigga right now. I'm like, this fat pretty ass nigga getting interrupted. You ready, nigga? Stop it. Ready. It's over, nigga. It's over.

My mind is telling me no. All right, bro. You got it. You got it. You owe it to me. Fuck it. But your stomach. Damn.

Man. Your stomach. Your stomach. Your stomach. Your stomach. It's telling me, yeah. But my body David Lucas is literally tapping out right now I've never seen anything like this before I can't say shit He just said we get it

Donnell Rawlings is here ladies and gentlemen No, nigga. Donnell Rawlings is here, ladies and gentlemen. This is a mid-show standing ovation for those of you listening to the podcast. For those of you that think live audiences don't love roasting and jokes. No, nigga. It's over, nigga! Fuck, let me go. That's some respect for somebody who fucked your mother in 97, nigga. It's over, nigga! Fuck, let me go. That's some respect for somebody who fucked your mother in 97, nigga. My mama wouldn't have fucked with Starvin' Marvin, nigga.

It's over. See, this is what you do. This is what you do. Let me explain some real shit. And the reason I respect you is because other motherfuckers respect you. I didn't even know you, nigga. I was at the door. You a motherfucker from New York? You doing your shit? I'm not from New York. Okay, whatever, nigga.

That's what they told me, nigga. That's what the fuck they told me. But anyway, you doing it. They said he loves pork. He loves pork. Not New York. Told him. They said you're doing it. Tony let me talk. This nigga won't. It's too late, bro. I'm trying to give you a lesson right now.

Let's go, let me hear it. And what I'm saying is, you like it when you do your shit, and I keep hearing your name buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. They like, yo, this Lucas nigga. I'm like, fuck that fat nigga. And then you hit me in the hallway one day. You fucked with me. You was getting it.

Then I caught you with one. The old head nigga caught you with an uppercut like the Cleveland bus driver uppercut, the wind-up. And they always talking about you. And this motherfucker, everybody's like, okay, I'm telling you. They tried to warn me about you.

I felt that very interesting we gotta give it up for Dynab listen listen the reason why I started my career see white people stole a roasting from black people the same way they did rock and roll

that's what you call it capping and joning white people's like we like it but we gotta recreate the name. We're gonna call it Roastin' and everybody roast. I'm not a roaster, I started as a roaster, but I respect you. Yeah, I appreciate it, bro. I respect you, I knew you were a roaster,

but even with your set, your shit was funny. You pulled the trigger on these niggas quick, pop, pop, pop, pop. And then you turned around and I hit you with fire! Fire! Fire! He was like, oh, this old nigga got a gun. He got a gun. This nigga got a gun.

I respect you. You're a young gun, bro. That is a beautiful thing we just witnessed here. Yeah, appreciate it, Dynadam. We just witnessed here. You still look like a senior Ninja Turtle. Too late! Fuck that shit, nigga.

Let it go! He's not going to let you. Let it go! All right, let's do the interview talk. Let's do, nigga. Let it go. He's not going to let you. Let it go. All right, let's do the interview talk. Let's do the interview. Fuck, nigga. He's not going to let you. This is actually Larry, nigga.

No, no. The reason why I would. This was the interview. I will let it go. No, because I really like this young kid, man. He's funny. And the reason why I say funny is because he's fearless. He don't give a fuck.

Yep. Even though motherfuckers was telling me, this is the realest shit I can say. If you want any other real conversation, make sure you subscribe to my channel. That's right. The Donnell Rawlings show available everywhere. No, but what I respect about him, he's a go-hard motherfucker. He don't give a fuck. I saw him rip motherfuckers.

I'm like, how y'all let this nigga rip y'all? But he fucking confident. You're funny. You're going to be successful. People like you. You're on a good funny. You're going to be successful. People like you. You're on a good team. You're going to win. But you can't fuck with me.

I don't give a fuck, nigga. I don't give a fuck. All right, Tony got to do my interview. I'm not going to interview you. David Gunther, you've been sitting there patiently watching these two guys talk. Can I just say I loved every moment of that because I love it when they go against their own kind. You know what I'm saying? Got to let you know.

Got to let you know we can fight. You got to let you know we can fight. I love it. I want to write on some more papers, son. Me and Tony had a comedy store in La Jolla this weekend. That's right. David Lucas opening all weekend. We're going to have fun Thursday, Friday, Saturday. You're going to stick around

for the two Keltonis on Sunday. We're going to be at the ocean. We do it at bit. Catch it. I'm going to the San Diego with a beach whale. Who would have guessed? It's beautiful, David. I'm excited. You stole your jacket from Goldust. This actually is a Goldust jacket. I knew it.

That doesn't make any sense. You stole your shirt from Black Dust. I love it. Darnell took me out. I just called dust. David doesn't have any confidence right now. Took my soul with all that loud ass. All that loud.

Nigga, I felt like I was gonna go. Take the lesson, bro. I felt like my granddaddy was reincarnated. That's the type of shit he did. The only way you get better is going against some bad motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Me and Darnell have most of it. The only reason I'm not leaving is because Larry Holmes was his sparring partner.

You fucking fight with the best or you're going to get scammed. Yeah, hell yeah. That's right. And don't try to do another joke, nigga. It's over. I don't want you to yell for five more minutes, nigga. I got another five in me, nigga. No, nigga.

We don't need that. Forget about Larry Holmes. Tonight you went up against Filibuster Douglas over here. Couldn't even get a word in. Not one word, nigga. I love it, but that's what's great. Some weeks are different than other weeks. Last week.

No more black guests, nigga. I know I wanted some. All last month. Every episode last month. You made whole black because you ate Eric Griffin up on this podcast. All black. No more Dunder and Riles. He literally ate Eric Griffin up

last time. Tony, can we get subtitles for this whole conversation? I am lost back here. The ones that know, know. These niggas don't even know what we're saying. They don't even know what a nigga's saying. I'm whipping lotion.

All right, David Lucas, you came up here, a different one tonight. David Lucas, everybody. We're going to be in La Jolla all weekend together, eating burritos. Life is good. Back to the bucket we go. You want to pull one? Ha! Dig in there.

Good. All jokes aside, man, I swear all day I was thinking about that nigga. I was like, this little nigga in my hand. I'm like, I know he's going to come like this. He's going to come like this. He's going to come like this. I'm like, I know he's going to fucking come for me. Did you practice in front of a mirror? No, no. I didn't practice in front of a mirror. This is, I know he's going to fucking come for me. Did you practice in front of a mirror?

No, no. I didn't practice in front of a mirror. This is what I know. Like they're saying, don't come for me if I didn't send for you. If I didn't ask for it, don't bring it to me. But I also know how I started. And like, you know, we can get comfortable. This is some real shit.

We can get comfortable doing our jokes or whatever, and you forget how it is really in the streets. And that's what the youngins do. But then I had to ask myself, I was like, Lucas Smookus. I was like, I started the same way, fucking with people.

And I'm like, I've been doing it for a while, but at the same time, don't fuck with me. Absolutely. I agree 100%. Oh, you gonna get it. Bam! Bam! I agree 100% into the bucket and I'm really having a good time on the show I didn't know what to expect

fuck yeah make some noise for Don L Rawlings everybody pull the name out of the bucket and your next comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds goes by the name of Mary Lalu Mary Lalu Mary Lalu oh here Lalu. Mary Lalu.

Right here. Here we go. Here comes Mary. Here comes... One more time for Mary Lalu, everyone. Hi. Hi. It's like following puppies and babies. I don't know how I can do it, but I'm going to do my best.

Jesus, please help me. Oh, wait, I'm not a Jew. Oh, yes, I am a Jew. Whatever. I was a wife in the past life of our president, Donald Trump. And I don't hate me because I still love him. I can't help it. We were from Meepzorp.

Meepzorps never stop loving each other. And he and I basically destroyed Meepzorp. And because of that, we were stuck in this green house together for so many millennia, millennia. I think there's a word for it but it's not english and and that's why he has to have beautiful people around him and and he said i'm gonna have to look at something good because next lifetime what if i'm stuck with her again and i'm apologizing for my looks i know i have a i have a nose there's

a pimple on it that makes it look like I'm a witch. But I'm not a witch. I'm just a medium. I'm not large. Mary Leloo, everybody. Yo, you can't do that, bro. You can't. Wait, we're married. He can't do that. You know what? You can't do that, Tony. It's so weird. You're absolutely

right, Donnell. That's not fair. You're absolutely right. You cannot do that to somebody that could be an R.I.PIP pitcher in any day. Wait, what did you say to me? What did you say to me? I interrupted. I interrupted the end of your speech. You tell me. But this is what I want to say. Yeah. You didn't have to...

I don't know how you want to be perceived or whatever, but for me... I don't know if you're going for... I don't know what you're going for. I'm going for real. But listen, the fact that you came up here, and I know this may sound so crazy, because comedy is usually, you think more of a young man sport or whatever.

You call me old? Yes, bitch, in a good way. Yes, I'm trying to call you old, bitch, but I like old bitches. I like old bitches. I'm good with old bitches. My mind telling me no. I fuck 30-year-olds.

Not no, but no. I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say is they're going to all call us old bitch. Chill. I'm chilling when I'm dead. No, what I'm saying is the fact that you still, whatever, have passion and want to come up here and perform, and you feel like you want to do it. It didn't matter what you said.

I was like, yo, she's winning because she's fucking doing it. That's what I was trying to say. I wasn't being misguided. Absolutely. I have an 86-year-old husband that almost died. And you still old, bitch. You still old. Honey, I have an 86-year-old husband. I died. And you're still old, bitch. You're still old. Honey, I have an 86-year-old husband.

I don't have any boyfriends, okay? Okay, all right. I have no black boyfriends. Don't start it now. Oh, shit. Oh, look at the smile on Mary's face. Oh, my God. She's saying,

Michael Murray, Michael Murray. It doesn't go bad, okay? It gets better. They think the piss is cum. They don't know the difference. Oh, my God. Mary, how old are you, Mary? Yo, yo.

Mary, how old are you? Man, I'm rock hard right now. Okay. You have an interesting look. It's either like Kurt Cobain or Courtney Love. Like one of the two. That's true. If either one of them

lived to be your age, you could be either one. And they'd be lucky enough to do it. I am so pissed at you that all you can think of is my age. Fuck you both. All three of you. How about this? I hate your jacket. Your jacket fucking sucks. Yeah. See, I didn't say

shit about your age. No, I hate your titties right now. They're not real. They're not real? How do you got new old titties? They're made out of foam rubber. Foam rubber? I got them at Frederick's. You got them at what?

Frederick's of Hollywood. Is that true? Actually, no. Truth is, I found them in the garbage can. You found your boobs in the garbage can? No, my bra. I'm too cheap to buy a real bra, but they were thrown away at the Union Rescue Mission. I'm living at the Union Rescue Mission. I call it the Ritz. Sometimes it's Motel 666, depending on who you're with.

Jesus, Mary, what street did you walk in here from? This is out of control. I've never had trouble. Mary, Mary, why are you bugging? I've never had trouble... Don't back that ass up, Mary. We're going back here. I became a Jew so that Bernie Sanders would win. I joined the Chabad.

Okay, Mary, how old are you? Answer my question. 70. 70. You have an 86-year-old husband? Is that what you said? Yes, and he's almost dead. Wow.

So you thought I was talking shit about you. Listen, when you first... I'm just waiting. Listen, shut up! Mary, Mary, stop talking. How the fuck you interrupted me? This is what you thought I was trying to be mad at you

or whatever when you first... Can I touch your mad at you or whatever. Touch your face. Oh, my God. But listen. Mary, stop. Mary, don't touch the boy from the talent. Don't touch the guy. Calm down. I don't want that old ass pussy.

Mary, stop it. Mary. I don't want that pussy. I'm good. This is when you first went out there. You're too white. Can you focus? What?

She just looked at me and she said, you're too white. How dare you? All right. All right, Mary. Unless it was me. said, you're too what? How dare you? I don't like white men. All right, Mary. Unless they're listening to me. Mary, Mary, fucking relax for a second, all right? Just breathe.

Mary, when you first went out there earlier, and I had an empty paper, because fucking Lucas ripped up the evidence down there. Right. And when you first walked out there, I did like this. I gave you a 10, so you walked out there. You know, when I was on the gong show, they gonged me eight times. The fact that I know somebody was on the gong show. No, I had a regular career. I was literally paid.

You got gonged eight times? That's a record. Shut up. What were you doing? You looked at me like I have a gong. No, I sang. You sang? Oh, you kids.

How could you so embarrass me? No, you got to, I sang. You sang? Oh, you kids, how could you so embarrass me? No, you got to do a gong reboot. A reboot. Dave Gunther. Yeah, why does this look like one of my bad characters that hasn't fully formed yet? She's still in the game. She's still in the game. She's still trying.

I respect and love that. Mary, what's something else about your life that we'd be surprised to know about you? I'm a medium. I mean, dead people talk to me. Really? She said, I'm a medium? You look like an exhale, man. Kobe told me.

Let me tell you about Kobe. Let me tell you about Kobe. She's a medium. I'm like, I'm a large bitch. I don't buy extra size. Let me tell you what Colby said. You want to hear? Wait, Colby Bryant? Yes.

Talk to you? Yes. I'd be very careful right now. I don't know if you know what it's like. We should turn the lights down. Let's do a seance. Do you want to hear from the dad or not? We want to hear.

I want to hear from the dad. But no dead person I know. He says, what the fuck? What is that bitch smiling at my funeral for? That fucking bitch. He's talking about his wife. She was smiling at his funeral.

Who does that? Mary, that was really bad. But it's the truth. Mary, that was really bad. You shouldn't have done that. She wasn't black.

All right. Well, Mary, indeed. Okay, forget about Kobe. How you gonna just say forget about Kobe? Well, Mary, indeed. Okay, forget about Kobe. How are you going to just say forget about Kobe? Well, I mean, I'm bitching about his wife, not him. He was wonderful, but his wife wasn't.

Okay. God. Let's go. Can we go in the bucket? Should we go in the bucket? Yeah, let's do it. There goes Mary Lou Lou, everybody. Oh, don't boo this lady.

There she goes. Mary Lou Lou, everyone. There she goes. Mary Lou Lou, everyone. There she goes. Mary Lou Lou. It's about as wild as it gets right there. 70-year-old lady completely off her meds.

Oh, she's still in the game, though. She's still in the game. It. She's still in the game. It's so hard for people to stay in the fucking game. Damn, she got you nervous as shit, son. I know. I'm trying to dig deeper in that bucket. I feel like you pulled that one right up the top or something like that.

I don't know what exactly. And that was the first one I chose, right? Yeah. I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. All right. You trusted I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. All right. You trusted me too much, bro. You don't got to trust me over the normal amount of trust you give black people.

Just keep it basic, trust. I love it. No, yeah, absolutely. I pulled another name out of the bucket. It's another young lady up here. Make some noise for Lorraine Lopez, everyone. Lorraine Lopez. Let's see what happens. David Deary, Donnell is ordering

a Tito's and Tonic. David Deary, Donnell is ordering a Tito's and Tonic with two limes. David Deary. He's got him. David Deary. David Deary wants a Tito's and Tonic with two limes. He's got him. David Deary. David Deary won a Cheetos and Tartar with two limes.

That's right, David Deary. Here she is one more time for Lorraine Lopez, everyone. Yes, and the winner for the night is... So I just found out that my mom and dad are getting divorced

in six months. Really wish that they would have told me because I had to find out from my psychic. I ended up telling my dad and he was really upset and I was like dad look on the bright side okay at least the psychic said that you're the one leaving mom it's all right he didn't like that either all right I am I love messed up men like my rebound Eric. His wife has a restraining order on him. And he has two kids, which is fine with me because I want to be a stepmom.

But he doesn't have a job. And he's not looking for a job. And his apartment's as big as my closet. And I weigh 35 pounds more than he does. And he has three diseases. Two are terminal. One is mental. He told me he wants to keep his options open.

Right? Welcome to Hollywood. Or even the homeless people swipe no on you on Tinder. Right? I just can't keep... Lorraine Lopez, everybody. Lorraine Lopez. Lorraine, stay up here. Stay up here, Lorraine.

Why couldn't we stretch? You wanted to see more of her stand-up? Yeah. Why? Everybody wanted to see more of her stand-up. You deserve another minute. I know I can't make the rules. No.

One more minute. No. One more minute. One more minute. One more minute One more minute One more No, no One more minute No, we're gonna talk with you, Lorraine One more minute, son

He's going to the pool Shut the fuck up Is that speech impediment man over there? God damn it That Superman is super old over there. Welcome to the show, Lorraine. Thank you. This is your first time here, right?

No, I've been on like six months ago. Oh, okay. How'd that go for you? It was good. Yeah. Was this one better? Yes. You've been doing stand-up longer?

Yes. Who gives a fuck about stand-up? What do you want to talk with her about? Oh, yeah, yeah. Stand-up, stand-up. Sorry, go. Forget what this show is about. How long have you been doing a total stand-up comedy? Two years.

Two years. And what do you do for work? Okay, I guess there's that. Very good. I work at a bar. You work at a bar? What do you do there? Cocktail server.

Oh, nice. How long have you been doing that for? Way to, like, 12 years. Is it a normal bar, strip club? It's a hotel bar. Hotel bar, 12 years Is it a normal bar? Strip club? It's a hotel bar Hotel bar, 12 years Hotel bar 12 years, that's all here in LA

This is where you're from Where exactly is this bar? Asking for a friend It has nothing to do with me What kind of white Honda Civic do you drive? Is he right? Do you have a white. It has nothing to do with me. What kind of white Honda Civic do you drive? Is he right? Do you have a white Honda Civic? Yeah, I do.

You really do? Wow. Wow. Joel Jimenez. That's perception right there. Found Lorraine Lopez. There you go. Absolutely.

Oh, God. The lights are broken. Oh, the lights are freaking out. So, Lorraine, welcome, welcome, welcome back. And tell us what else about you. What do you do when you're not working or doing stand-up comedy? What else? I like to dance, I guess.

Yeah? What kind of dancing do you like to do? What kind of music do you like to dance to What kind of music do you like to dance to? Like salsa? I do like salsa, yes. Would you be willing to do a little example of salsa dancing? I mean, I'm not good at salsa. Oh, come on.

That's what everyone good at salsa says. But you make it all the time, right? You need a partner? Yes. You know how to salsa? There you go. Dave Gunther knows how to salsa. Abso-fucking-lutely.

He's going to salsa her right over the wall. Oh, look at this. Here we go. Dave Gunther knows how to salsa. Abso-fucking-lutely. He's going to salsa her right over the wall. Oh, look at this. Here we go. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God. Oh!

Oh, my God. Be safe, everybody. Whoa, okie dokie. Wow. Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah! Jeremiah Watkins.

David Deary of fucking Tito's and Tonic. Bring it up. Where the fuck is David Deary? It's taking me long as possible now. That was amazing. That dance was amazing, bro. That was incredible. How about a hand for Dave Gunther?

He just got Lorraine Lopez pregnant up here. I think I just got the coronavirus deal. Thank you, David Deary. Topical. Oh, shit! That was some great dancing. That was incredible. There's the candle.

No, I'm just saying, I'm just so excited about this new product. I just am, because my whole fucking career, people have been calling me Ashley forever. Forever.

And I do a podcast called The Don and Rollin Show, and we talked about some fragrances, and I said, I want to sell a candy. I'm like, if Gwyneth Paltrow could sell pussy candles, I could sell ash candles. And this is the first one right here. It's called Black Ash. It's going to be out soon.

It is. But the proof is in the pudding. You got to smell this. Smell the candle. Tell me what you think. Lorraine Lopez is in the pudding you gotta smell this smell the candle tell me what you think Lorraine Lopez is smelling the candle the lid is off and she likes it yeah it's fancy cologne

yeah nigga shit let's check in with Dave Gunther you liked it too man I'm so excited about this and I'm really having a good time with this goddamn show. I love it. Dave Gunther has something to say.

Damn, that shit smells so fucking good. He can actually smell your candle from there with his nose. Go ahead, Dave. Yeah, I would buy it, but I'm poor, bitch. It's a white trash can. I'm here to help you, man. I'm here to help. All right.

Lorraine, anything else crazy about your life that we need to know about you or something like that? Anything else interesting? You single right now? I am in a new relationship. Oh, where'd you meet this guy at? On Hinge. What's Hinge? I've never even heard of it.

It's a dating app. It's like the best one. Why is it the best one? What makes it different? Because they sell black ice. Black ice. It's friend to friend, right? Like you have to have a friend that's, like, in connection or something.

Hinge? I don't know. I just know that they ask you a bunch of questions. You can really see if you really would connect with that person. What was it about this guy that you liked? What made you go out on a date with him? There must have been something on his profile or a question or something like that. Do you remember?

I just thought that he was cute, to be honest. It could have been Tinder. That's why you've been in this goddamn hotel for 12 years. Fuck just being cute. It's true. It's true. My joke is that. How many years have you been saying, oh, he was cute?

It's true. Oh, I thought this was real. Sorry. Well, Lorraine, congratulations on your new relationship. How long has it been? How long have you been with this guy? Six months. Six months. Heck yeah. What does he do for work? He works at a radio station.

Oh, boy. Wow. I hear that economy's booming. Yeah, nothing better than radio. You'd be better dating a dude with a podcast. Yeah. My goodness gracious. Yeah, that's scary. What does he do for a radio station? Do you know?

Yes, he does management for like... He shoots the t-shirt cannon at their events. Latinos will never know what anybody's doing in their fucking family. He works over there. He comes every February. Is it a Latino radio station? No. I love Latino radio.

It's hilarious. It's called radio. Alright. There she goes. Lorraine Lopez, everybody. There she goes. Congratulations. Fun set. She's got some good laughs, especially towards the end there.

Big laughs in the room during that set on the setups and the punchlines. Soy wax, son. Okay. Yo, I know you was asking yourself what type of wax is in this motherfucking candle. Soy. Soy wax. Soy wax. It is made in, what does that say?

Hand-poured. Made in small batches in the USA. Yes. Look at that. It's incredible. Get it all at Donnell in the USA. Yes. Look at that. It's incredible. Get it all at DonnellRawlings.com. We have our third and final regular Donnell. Oh, my good.

Donnell Rawlings Black Ash captures the smells of true ash. Breathe in the memories of cold air hitting your skin on a winter's day. Shades of your skin getting ashier and ashier as the brisk wind hits your arms and anches. Capture the energy of a good lotion without having it. Base note, oak moss, sandalwood, and musk. What? That's good. Real shit.

Soy wax. Glass. Nigga. Oops. Okie dokie. It is time for our third regular. We have another regular on this show, Donnell. Why do you have to say my name like that I haven't been a good guest

No you're doing great absolutely This young man just started stand up Actually only about I think Six or seven months ago Improv training out of Chicago for decades And a couple years ago got diagnosed with ALS Lou Gehrig's disease And he's here for us now

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the great, the powerful, Michael Lehrer, everyone. Here we go. Let's get it, you motherfuckers! Yeah! Roto-Dun-Mut is back, baby! You're done, money's back, baby. Man, I'm super excited about my assistant's suicide. My wish is to be suffocated by the world's fattest pussy.

fat as pussy. I lost dexterity in my hands. I can't put a condom on now. At least that's what I tell guys in the park. Hey, hey, I'm an old-fashioned guy who just wants a partner who I can fuck their tits while sucking on their dick. the ability to talk soon, but I'll be able to speak with a keyboard in my eyes. But I'm worried I'll look at the N-word. Wow. Wow. He did it again.

Ladies and gentlemen. Did he just drop the mic on the N-word? He did it again. Ladies and gentlemen. Did he just drop the mic on the inward? He did. He did. Whoa, he's swinging the bicycle chain. We finally know what that looks like. Look out for that.

Heck yeah. Raw Dog Michael Lair over here. Raw Dog Dynamite. That's the name of my comedy special. I'm trying to get them to release on Pornhub. Fuck yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, fuck Netflix.

Fuck Hulu. I'm putting my shit on Pornhub. So he got his first hour deal. They was like, we usually give hour deals, but give him two hours. That was just the doctor. Man, if black guys weren't hard to understand when they're in front of you, they're impossible to understand when you're standing behind them. He got me, son!

Yo, what the fuck is wrong with this show, man? Yo, I'm not fucking with the nuh-nuh-nuh, nigga. Y'all not gonna make me go after the nuh-nuh, dude. Fuck that Lucas or the Nuff, nigga. Y'all gonna knock him out. Deva Race! Timber Race. Look at me, motherfucker. Let me see your lips move.

I need to see you. I'm about to kick your wheelchair, nigga. Yeah, man. Oh, you're my man. I'll be like, just fuck out of here, yo. Yo. Yo. Not the wheelchair, yo. Yo. Yo. Not the wheelchair, nigga.

Not the day guard. I'm not getting beat by the wheelchair, nigga. I'll just be the big gorilla, nigga. I ain't letting the wheelchair nigga take me out today. Get the fuck out of here. Wrap it up, bro. I'll just be King Kong. I'll take all of you. I'll fucking reese, bro. I just be king. Calm. I'll take all of you.

I'm fucking Reeves, nigga. Man. They're laughing. They brought out Superman to get Reeves on me, nigga. They're laughing because they're scared of you.

Why is everybody fucking with me? What did you tell these motherfuckers, Tony? Nothing, man. You told them something, motherfucker. Be real with me, motherfucker. You gotta tell me shit. I'm dying, bitch. I'm the most dangerous motherfucker you'll ever see.

It's true. He's dying. He has an incurable, untreatable disease. I know, motherfucker. When you introduced him to me, he was like, this guy, he's got... I was like, nigga, he got something. I don't know which one is what, nigga. Yo, first off, yo, ain't no cut card on this show. You say what the fuck you want to say.

He was funny, but I'm not going to let the wheelchair nigga beat me. Fuck that shit, nigga. some curtains they got my bed it's big I'm trying not to interrupt I'm trying not to interrupt I'm trying not to interrupt. I'm trying not to interrupt. I'm trying not to interrupt. I'm trying not to interrupt. I'm trying not to interrupt. Go. Respect. Respect. Yo, we has real niggas today.

Yo, we got some real niggas today. Michael Lair is going to be at Skankfest in Houston, Texas with us. He's got the bicycle chain. I don't think you're going to be allowed to travel with that. I'm not allowed to do a lot of shit I do. Wow. Wow What a fucking absolute legend you are A goddamn icon And I fucking love you Michael Lair Anything else you want to talk about before you go tonight?

Yeah MichaelLairComedy.com And hit up Pornhub And tell them I should be their first comedy special because disability and porno go together like peanut butter and jelly. That's right.

Absolutely. I agree 100%. Michael Lair Comedy on social media. MichaelLairComedy.com That's Michael Lair. Unbelievable. media. MichaelLairComedy.com That's Michael Lair. Unbelievable. Michael, stick around up here. He don't got no choice, motherfucker.

Just wait right there. Duh. The compilation video of that is going to be beautiful. Get on it, Janice. I love it. Let's get the band back up here. And I want to go to the bucket one more time, everybody.

Huh? One more. One more time. Let's do it and then we'll get out of here. Here we go. Did you guys have fun tonight? No one has more fun. By the way, I want to say you've probably been my favorite episode of this show.

I think you're one of the funniest motherfuckers here. Seriously. One of my favorite episodes. Absolutely. Yo, I know you was preparing, but I was preparing too. Yeah. For your show? No, yeah.

I was Googling niggas. I respect it. I love it. It was like this, soas. I respect it. I love it. It was like this, so you do know the rundown of the show. I was like, yeah, nigga, I'm waiting for this nigga to try to fuck with me. No, I'm the only one that doesn't make fun of the guests on this show. No, but you was really serious about it. And I don't disrespect you.

You're a friend of mine. I don't disrespect you. And I know you're running the show. I don't want to be like, just come and fuck your show up. But it was so funny because you took 10 minutes to tell me not to interrupt for one minute. It's true. Fun fact, you can catch Donnell and I opening up for Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle April 24th in Nashville at some giant amphitheater. We're going to have

fun that night. It's going to be a good time. I pulled one last name out of the bucket. This is it. And your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Andre Mulligan. Andre Mulligan. Let's see what happens here. Stick around other comedians just in case

he doesn't make it. Is there an Andre Mulligan back there? Uh-oh. Nope. It smells black. It does. That candle smells. Tony said my candle really smells black. It's true.

It does. It smells like Abercrombie and Fitch. The store next door. It's like Chess King, if you remember Chess King. Wow. Red band throwing Hail Marys on the candle jokes here. All right, that person's blacklisted. There you go. Thank you.

Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for your final comedian of the night. His name is Liam Sullivan, everyone. Liam Sullivan. Here we go. We got movement coming from the corner. Here he comes. Here he is, everybody.

Oh, we know this guy. One more time, good and loud, for your final comedian of the night, Liam Sullivan. I'm straight, but my parents think I'm gay. It's a really good book I'm reading. But actually, I'm trying to come out of the closet. It's a really good quote from Chapter 5. I don't know why I'm reading this book.

I used to run around with my cousins. We used to pretend we were horses eating a bunch of raw hay. And with our shirts off, just nae galloping around. Last Thursday was really a good time. I think we should change the title for what we do when we browse, put our numbers in on our banking information online. That can't be called a portal. Make the task more exciting or just fucking

change the name yeah guys thanks so much fuck yeah liam sullivan welcome to the show liam fun fact i don't know if everybody caught it but donnell totally almost interrupted him uh five seconds in his set it's like he forgot what we've been joking making that funky noise he can do it it's all good we love you don't know so Liam you've been on this show before right yeah one time yeah uh-huh how long have you been doing stand-up for? This is like my fourth time doing stand-up. That's it? Yeah.

You've been on this show before. It was a skinny break in between the times I was getting up. That's it, yeah. Skinny break. First time was with you and then... Skinny break between getting fucked by producers. I don't know. What the hell?

Skinny break. I thought you said the show was almost going to be over, so I don't just... No was almost going to be over. No, it's beautiful. Four times. So have you only performed basically here? I've been signing up here a lot. Then I found to go other places would be a more beneficial way to do it.

Hollywood Hills. Going up other places. That's right. Tuesday through Sunday. What is it? I remember. He's the guy that lived in the... Spilt the milk, yeah. Hollywood Hills.

Spilt the milk? I was freaking out about that, too. That blew my mind. What's the thing? Can you say the part that I would remember? Why don't you explain it? No, I was at the same... If this is what you're talking about,

I was on the same episode as him. Okay, still dead air. You're going to mention the thing that you... No, I don't want to bring it up if he doesn't want to bring it up. What guy am I? Bring it up. Weren't you living at some producer's house? Hollywood heroes.

You got the wrong guy. There you go. I trusted you, red man. So Liam, tell us about your life. What's been going on here? Tell us fun facts about you. How does this candle smell, nigga? Good question.

It's just like Old Spice or Axe deodorant. That's all I'm getting. Oh, shit. That's all I'm getting from you right now. Oh, shit. I don't know what to say, Donald. He just said my candle smells black. Why don't you just throw Irish Spring up in there and just get it over with?

So, Liam, let's talk about your life. Tomorrow's my birthday. No one cares about that. What have you been doing with yourself up until this point in your life? Give us something about your life, Liam. My life? Yeah. He knit that sweater yesterday himself, man.

There you go. How about you, Liam? How about your life? One of my life, I used to swim a lot. Yeah. Right now, I'm going along FaceTime chats with my friends from back in Toronto.

Back in Toronto? You have that don't fuck with cats energy. That's what it is. For sure. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I should do. Sitting around and thinking, saying I should try to figure this out. He had a good age to figure shit out. What's your age again?

I'm turning 23 tomorrow. Wow. Nobody likes you when you're so excited about it. Nobody gives a fuck about your birthday. Keep your arm down, motherfucker. It was like, yeah, and it was like, nah, we good. 23 is the age, I think, that birthday is where you realize the birthdays are over. Like, 21 is one of the most fun ones, and then 22 you're like, oh, nobody even called.

And then 23 you're like, shit, it's all over now. Tony, can I offer a perspective that only somebody sitting from the back can give? Sure. From the back you look like Teen Beat, but from the front you look like Manfeet. Okie dokie. It's a different perspective.

It's a different perspective It's a different Man you got roasted brother I said different perspective I'm sorry you're welcome Yep yep yep We're gonna keep He said he look like man feet Yep yep yep

Wow Currently brainstorming better Okay Joel Berg Joel Berg is one of the only people that literally Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Wow. Currently brainstorming better punchlines. All right, back to you. Okay, Joel Berg. Joel Berg's one of the only people that literally will just keep digging the hole deeper every time. I'm Mexican. There you go. Very good, Joel.

Great. She like the way that I woo. Let it go. She like the way that I woo. Joel takes losses like Deontay Wilder. He's literally like, hey, my costume was heavy on the way out here, man. Yo, that's fucked up. Why did you say Wilder's name and look me right in my eyes?

You pull me like this. Yeah, come on. Here we go. Your friend. That's right. The guy with the Halloween costume. Never forget. That's our one, Tyson Fury.

Yeah, it was awful. Liam, so what's your sex life like? You seem like the kind of guy that takes women back to the inside of your piano or something like that. I was going all over the place for it at first to see some girls meet them. And then I live with three other guys and one girl. Or two other guys and one girl. And I just found that close pussy would be the answer. That what? You didn't pronounce pussy right.

I just like... That's not how you was forced to say pussy. Like, pussy. I don't say it, no. I know you don't say it, nigga. I know you don't use that word. Yeah, it's pronounced pussy, you pussy. He's like, oh, don't say that word around me.

Don't say that word around me. When's the last time you had sex with a woman? Well, no, so I shortened my reach, and I just started having sex with my roommate. Have you tried a cousin yet, man? So it was yesterday. Yesterday. So your roommate, the girl, or one of the guys?

The one. He said short. See, white people can say shit. It don't sound nasty. Yeah. He said, I shortened my reach. Yeah. And had sex with my roommate.

That was going far. I would have been like this. I fucked a bitch in the other room. I don't know. It didn't seem right at first. So what was that like? Is that something that just slowly started to build? How did that start?

You fucking your roommate? Were you watching a movie one night? No, he was fucking a bitch in the other room. Fucking a bitch in the other room? That's a pussy. Oh, my God. Could you stop saying that word, bro? Don't say it no more.

Wow. Unbelievable, literally. He has those Joaquin Phoenix Joker energies going on, right? I've been told that. I've been told that. This is like the first 20 minutes of the Joker. Flew it. My goodness.

Flew it. Do you have any special sexual maneuvers that you do on a lady in the bedroom? Any big moves that you specifically do? Anything like that? Yeah, I got one called the don't tell mom. How about you, Liam? No, we just try to stay connected when we're switching from I'm going on top and then I'm going to slip around. We just try to stay in there.

Why is that? Are you afraid that she'll go dry or something? No, he's trying to sit in because he got a little dick, son. Do you like choking girls? Do you choke? Are you a choker? Are you a choker? Do you like to choke?

I've dabbled. Yeah, I could tell. It does. You do have that. What's that shit y'all do, Tony? Oh, you don't do that? No, what's that shit? Itall do, Tony? Oh, you don't do that? What's that shit?

It's autoerotic asphyxiation. Axe-fix-i-ation. Anybody that can pronounce that did it before. You know it's like this. Oh, I'm about to come. You ever do that, Liam? You ever do anything like that? That's always something you do when you masturbate. Have you ever done that?

No, I've never done that, no. What's the craziest thing you've ever done sexually in any way, shape, or form, Liam? It's probably outside on a rock in Malibu. It was just cool to be out there. It was what? A rock in Malibu. I just had sex outside in and I really just like wild

location it just yeah okay let's check in with Dave gun yeah sometimes I auto zone erotic asphyxiation I just jerk off a heart rate of hearts you know I'm saying yeah Wow my goodness Liam do you have a job did I ask you that already I I'm just here on my here's an an actor on a visa, so it's pretty specific, so I'm not working right now. What type of acting do you do? Are you in anything we might recognize? Unsolved Mysteries or something like that? Not in my browser.

I'm on this hospital show where I play a dying guy. Ah, look at that. Another role Michael Laird easily could have had. Ah! Get your own people. White on white crown, motherfucker.

Yeah, fuck you, Tony. Hey, I want to say, because of my disease, 24-7, it feels like auto-radiation. Yo, this motherfucker like automatic affectionation. Yo, this motherfucker pronounced that shit right?

Yeah, he did. This nigga pronounced that shit right, nigga? I'm going back to school, nigga. I'm going back to school. Thank you very much, Liam Sullivan. There he goes, Liam Sullivan, everybody. Guys, how loud can this place get for the great Donnell Rawlings?

He's doing Brea March 13th, one night only. He's in Buffalo, Jacksonville. He's got the Donnell Rawlings show available everywhere and the new Black Ash Candle. Go to DonnellRawlings.com. Check out his show. See him live. He's absolutely one of the funniest comedians in the world and I'm so glad you joined us

tonight, Donnell. One more time for Donnell everybody. Alright, can we stop? I don't want to interrupt. I love you, son. You got a dope show. I appreciate you having me and I appreciate anybody that fucked with me. I'm not the interrupter. I'm a funny motherfucker. Goddamn right. And I love y son you got a dope show I appreciate you having me and I appreciate anybody that fuck with me I'm not the interrupter I'm a funny motherfucker

and I love y'all grab a seat we're gonna take a picture real quick just one more minute guys he's the leader of the band everybody how about a big hand for Jeremiah Watkins everyone he's gonna be in San Antonio March 5th through 7th

Huntington Beach March 14th Tempe Improv March 19th and 20th Sunnyvale April 9th and 11th Sacramento with the punchline April 16th through the 18th he's got a brand new episode of Jeremiah Wonders out now with Bobby Lee's Jeremiah's stand up on social media Jeremiah Watkins on YouTube

anything else Jeremiah? Yeah just San Antonio this weekend and thanks for the love y'all Jeremiah's stand up on social media. There you go Jeremiah Watkins everybody YouTube. Anything else, Jeremiah? Yeah, just San Antonio this weekend and thanks for the love, y'all. Jeremiah Standup on social media. There you go, Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. Guys, it was her first episode, official episode at home as the full-time newest member of the band. How about a big hand for Jesse Johnson, everybody?

Darlene. She had an amazing stand-up comedy show in Swansea and absolutely killed as a band member in Swansea as well. That episode just went up today for you live viewers, so check out Swansea. She is Jetski Johnson, J-E-T-S-K-I Johnson,

all one word on all social media. Anything else, Jessie? Yeah, if you're in Phoenix, Arizona, I'll be there this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, March 5th through 8th, and then I'll be with you guys in Ventura. What's the website where they can get tickets for that? StirCrazyComedyClub.com.

There you go. Follow Jessie. See her live. She's coming with us to both Tacoma and Boston trips coming up. Jeremiah coming with us on all the other Kill Tony Road shows. How about a big hand for Chroma Chris, everybody, who was here tonight. He did it again. An official artist of Orange Amplifiers.

Chroma, what do you think about tonight's episode? Man, Tony was just a little bit hotter than my sister, man. Alright. Hey, Tony, I'd also like to give a shout out to GNL Guitars. I'd also give a shout out to the Top Shelf Brass Band. There you go. Top Shelf Brass Band. We absolutely love them. And look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebelts, everybody.

Look what he did while we were here. Wow. Black background, too. He drew that during the episode. And, guys, the backbone of the band on the drums, Ludwig's very own Joelberg Joel Jimenez, huh? Mostly sorry on social media. Again, also absolutely destroyed. It's incredible watching him grow as a stand-up comedian out there on the road.

It's incredible. He's mostly sorry on social media. Anything else, Joel? Nope. Love you guys. This was fun. How about one more time for Michael Laird, too, everybody who is here. We did it again.

Everything's happening. We're going to see you soon in Ventura, La Jolla this Sunday, Tacoma, Skankfest South, Miami, Boston, and a bunch of other fun shows. Remember, there's no show April 20th. Caveman Coffee, Vito's Pizza, Postmates, and Zip Recruiter. Use the promo code KILLTONY. Let them know that we sent you. Red Band, love you guys.

We love you. Good night, everybody. We're just gonna take a picture.そうすることでまるで 無我慢な灰色に染めます何かと理由を見つけては 飽きがたいので 固まって 固まって 何かと理由を見つけては 飽きがたいので Thank you.