KILL TONY - KILL TONY #444

Episode Date: March 25, 2020

Michael Lehrer, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Jessie Johnson, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 03/12/2020 THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: ZIPRECRUITER.COM – TRY IT FOR FREE AT ZIPRECRUITER.COM/KILLTONY HELLOTUSHY! A sleek bidet attachment that clips onto your existing toilet and sprays your butt completely clean with fresh water. It’s called TUSHY, and it’s the best thing you can do for your butt. Go to hellotushy.com/KILLTONY get 10% off your order Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number one rated online broker by MoneySense. Get started today at Questrade.com. Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. The following episode was recorded a couple weeks before the the craziness happened here with the coronavirus uh we've been kind of sitting on some episodes just so that you guys have some new fresh content that you haven't heard uh if you wanted to listen to any of our past episodes go to deathsquad.tv and you'll have video portions of the show you'll have every episode of kill tony there you'll also have our tour dates once we start having them uh right now we have no tour

dates uh everything's being rescheduled. Check with your venue if you had bought tickets to a canceled event because of the coronavirus. Don't forget Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything Tony and Ryan J. Ebelt. He's having a big sale. He's the house artist. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last, ShopSquad.tv.

ShopSquad.tv is all the official merchandise of Kill Tony and the Death Squad universe. So here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony! Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from Ventura, California for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Ventura, California. We're here in a big-ass airport hangar. Make some fucking noise.

we're here in a big-ass airport hangar. Make some fucking noise. Yowie wowie. How exciting is this, everybody? The last live audience episodes of Kill Tony right here tonight in Ventura. The only live audience shows that weren't cancelled

because Ventura literally doesn't give a fuck. Make some noise for the great Brian Redband. Hey, everybody. We're here. It's a real live show. It's all going to happen here tonight as scheduled. We just got word today that almost, pretty much, and this is not official until you've checked social media,

for those of you listening to this episode, but it appears as though, indeed, until further notice, there are almost no live audience episodes of Kill Tony happening. This Monday's coming up episode at the Comedy Store will be zero audience members, zero bucket, and only regulars and band members on the episode. A special Kill Tony called Live Stream Dead Crowd episode of Kill Tony. Live from the original room, our first ever time streaming

out of the Holy Chapel room of the Comedy Store, the original room, a very exclusive room made specifically for stand-up comedy. The main room will be getting gassed like yes, and it's going to be crazy. The belly room's closed. Everything is closed.

But we're here tonight. You guys excited to be here? That's good. Have you guys been keeping your assholes clean? It's a very important thing to do. You should break up with your toilet paper and treat your butt right with tushy. Wiping your butt with dry toilet paper

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Go to HelloTushy.com slash KillTony to get 10% off your order. That's HelloTushy.com slash KillTony. Get 10% off your order right now. Hell yeah. Maybe we'll slide another one of these ads in there throughout the show. And there's also dates coming up, technically. If you're listening to this, maybe we'll be going to some of these.

Skankfest just got officially postponed today. Skankfest South postponed. I'm technically still going to Tacoma next weekend. Most likely not. Maybe. Who knows? Again, go to my, this is a very a very live audience this is a very special episode i don't know if you guys know this there is a there is an absolute pandemic going on i feel like there

might even be a couple people here that don't even know perhaps maybe you didn't hear but uh yeah technically we're going to miami uh Miami April 3rd and 4th. Maybe Boston April 9th, 10th, and 11th. Moon Tower. It says it on this piece of paper. It says it, but I don't know. It's great. Exciting.

Luckily, we don't make all of our money off live shows. Anyway, so let's just get right into tonight's episode. This is a very, very exciting time being here in front of a live audience. We're going to get it all out of our systems. It's going to hold us over for at least a few weeks. Hey, look at this. The great Ryan J. E. Belt's here, everybody. The actual house artist of Kill Tony.

You've seen his work again and again and again. Every single episode he draws. Tonight he's behind a piano. Look at that. Oh, wow. There's a huge faggot in the room, too. Look at that guy. Look at that guy.

Look at that sloppy piece of shit over there. Is that the guy that burnt down all the homeless encampments by the beach a few months ago? Is that the guy? Or did your place get burnt down? Anyway, shut the fuck up for the rest of the night, sir. We would hate to have to kick you. You know how big of a piece of shit you have to be to get kicked out of this venue? So just shut up.

I'll tell you who I will allow to interrupt this show. There's a band, everybody. We have a band with us. They're on every single episode. Every episode they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They were getting ready in a room that was a dry storage facility of some kind. Performing next to a stockpile of toilet paper.

Hey, grab that for me. Anyway, so we don't know what they're gonna be maybe it's brand new characters maybe it's the return of famous characters that we've seen before let's all find out together make some noise for the best damn band in the land it's the kill Tony band Jeremiah Watkins Joel Berg Joel Jimenez Chroma

Chris is here and jet ski Jesse Johnson is here, everybody. Whoa! Brilliant. We are at the winery in Ventura, California, and it appears as though we have some wine tasters here. Some sommelier. Sommelier? Sommelier? Oh. Oh, look at that.

Tasting some of that sweet, sweet what appears to be cranberry juice colored wine. It's coronavirus now that I clinked glasses with these peasants. Oh, there you go. Welcome. That's Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everybody. Look at him.

Good to see you here. Always looking slightly like a beautiful woman, no matter what the character. And how about that? Look at the band leader. It's Jeremiah Watkins, everybody, live in the flesh. There he is. What's your name tonight, sir?

My name is Alexandre. Oh, wow. Like, Valexandro? Alexandre. Alexandre. It's never easy with you. It's never hard with you. Hey, whoa, what's that supposed to mean?

Are you gay, Alexandre? Are we finding out that fast? Are you a gay wine taste? I don't know. Are you gay, Alexandria? Are we finding out that fast? Are you a gay wine taste? I don't know. Are you gay? Yeah. I don't know. Grapes are a fruit. Hey. And what's your name over here, Joel

Berg, Joel Jimenez? The name's Heinrich Meinklang. Wow. Jesus. All right. We'll just go with Heinrich on this one. And look at that, everybody. It's the newest band member, Jetski Jessie Johnson, everyone. There she is. And what is, who are you?

My name is Chardonnay, and I am Chardon gay as well. Wait, what? You're Chardon gay? Yes, it appears we're all gay tonight. Oh, wow. Everyone's gay. Speak for yourself, homo.

Oh, my goodness. Wow. And then over here we have Chroma Chris, everybody. The man on guitar, everyone. Orange ample. Hello, Tony. Yeah, what's your name? Grape. Gilbert Grape. Oh, everyone. Orange Ample. Hello, Tony. Yeah, what's your name? Grape. Gilbert Grape.

I'm not gay, but I may be artistic. I mean artistic. Oh, wow. Could we get more piano on the side of the stage, please? I love it. Ryan, you know how to play piano at all

oh okay well I would say you could join the band sip on some wine but we all have our roles here how about a hand for the band everybody very very exciting stuff so we have the band we have Brian and his wacky soundboard we got Ryan J which brings me to this, everybody. The Bucket of Destiny is here.

The official summer tour of last year's Bucket of Destiny made it all the way here again to Ventura, California. And a bunch of people signed up before the show. If I pull your name out of the bucket, you know how it works. You get 60 seconds of stage time uninterrupted. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry Paddy's bear. Is Paddy's the right reference? All right.

And then we interview you. We talk with you about your life. You're going to be extremely close to me, so if you cough, sneeze, sniffle, or anything, I'm having them drag you out of the building by your fucking ankles, so psychologically prepare yourself for that. Don't touch anybody. Don't touch anything. This is a special, extra special

no-touch episode of Kill Tony. Everybody agree? We cool? You guys ready to start this fucking show? Alright, then let's do it. Anything can happen. There goes Jorge Masvidal running across the room. There's a lot of celebrities up here in Venturi.

You never know who you're going to see. Okay, I pulled a name out of the bucket. Your first comedian going on stage tonight goes by the name of Fiona Reid. Here we go. Getting it started. With Fiona Reed. Fiona Reed.

Hey, hey. Black listed already? Another one dead from coronavirus. How's that humanly possible? Is Fiona Reid in the one restroom that's inside of this facility? The one toilet, one room restroom? The fire hazard of a restroom that's here?

Is Fiona Reid here? Well, who signed her up? How the fuck does that happen? It's not a fucking thing. Yeah. When she gets here, lock her out. Lock the fucking door. Have a friend sign you up.

Jesus Christ. Do people think we have like a heart or something? Oh, well, when she gets here, let me know. Fucking idiots. Blacklisted permanently. She will never be on this show. If we perform in Madison Square fucking Garden, if I pull a name out called Fiona Reed, I'm just going to go, oh, right back to the bucket. If she's in traffic, I hope it's human traffic. human traffic. Hey!

Pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's see if this lady made it. Make some noise for Kiana Marquez, everyone. Kiana! Here she comes. The episode begins now. Come on, everybody. Make some noise for Kiana Marquez, everyone.

What's up, guys? My name's Kiana. A little bit about me. I get lip injections. I know what you're thinking. Should have gone with tits. I'm not on Tinder or Bumble, but I've been thinking about getting one

just so I could talk to my boyfriend more. I'm a local from Ventura, and I'm always running into people that I know, people that I've seen before, and it's partly because I'm from around here, but mainly because I used to work at Planned Parenthood. So I'm recognizing a lot of familiar faces. Working at Planned Parenthood was a lot of fun.

I remember this one time I was working at the front desk. This guy came in for an appointment. Right after he checked in with me, he was like, hey, this might be really random, but I accidentally locked my keys in my car. So he asked me, he was like, you wouldn't happen to have like a coat hanger or something that I might be able to use to unlock my car with, would you?

And I was like, dude, we stopped using those weeks ago. Okay. Fuck yeah, Kiana Marquez. That's great. Awesome. Look at that. Incredible. A local from Ventura, born and raised.

Yeah, what's up? That's very exciting. How long have you been doing stand-up? About two and a half years. That's great. That was a great set. You got laughs the whole way through. Not easy to do.

The first comedian up of the night. Thank you. That's great. Congratulations. So two and a half years, all here in Ventura? Yeah, yeah. I started, actually, I started with Jessie. Whoa. Yes, and let me say, I here in Ventura? Yeah, yeah. I started, actually, I started with Jessie. Whoa.

Yes, and let me say, I would stomp her grapes. Look at that. My goodness gracious. And so you're out here. How long did you work at Planned Parenthood for? Is that true? I worked there for about a year, a year and a half or so. What did you do there?

I was, well, I started front desk, and then I started doing medical billing. Oh, wow. Yeah, much better to work the front desk than the I started doing medical billing Oh wow Much better to work the front desk than the back dumpster At a place like that Do you ever have to take out the trash? No Do you really get lip injections? I do

Why not the top one? Oh my god Yeah now that I look I can't imagine how tiny your lips must be without them. I would smile and it would disappear. Wow, you must have no actual lips at all. Look at those. You get injections and you still have tiny little thin lips.

Can you whistle or only do dogs hear it? I actually whistle. Can you whistle or only do dogs hear it? I actually whistle. For those of you just listening to the podcast, her lips are as thick as about two pogs. Remember pogs? You would stack and try to knock over with a slammer. You have pogs for lips, lady.

It's incredible. Luckily, you're a very beautiful girl, but I mean, of all the things that you get injected, I can't believe it's your lips. Mind-boggling. Just teeth without those, huh? Pretty much. How long have you been getting lip injections?

I started about a year ago. How often do you do that? Just once? About every six months. How long has it been since the last one? Beginning of December. I need to go back. Oh yeah, you do. When you get it, is it that horrible Donald Duck?

Oh, yeah, I love it. That's great. It's the best part. It's crazy that Porky Pig doesn't like Donald Duck. Kiana, what do you do for work now? I was doing medical billing for the past five years,

and I got fired about a couple weeks ago. Ooh, why'd you get fired? I got thrown under the bus by my boss. Oh, why? You gave him lip? Joelberg is here. She just had me do something in billing, which then fell back on her.

And she was like, well, I didn't tell her to do that. So then she fired me. Somebody had to go. I'm happy it was me. Wow. So what are you doing now? How are you going to survive? Well, I got fired.

And then the next day, got hired at a winery in Malibu. So now I do basically what those guys do in the back in Malibu. Oh, wow. So you work with this company, basically. No, it's a different one. Oh, it's a rival. What vineyard do you get your grapes from? Oh, that's a good question.

What vineyard do you get your grapes from? It's Cielo Farms. I'm familiar. Alexandria knows a lot about wine. What's that one that you're sipping on over there? This is from New Guinea. New Guinea? Oh.

You barely responded to me there. Is that what you said, New Guinea? New Guinea is. Wow. I have a connect who gives me wine from Old Guinea, but that's another story. Hey. So, Kiana, what else about your life? Do you have any fun hobbies? Anything crazy about you?

You ever win an award or anything like that? No awards, just participation awards. Oh, you're a loser. Very nice. I don't know. Were you ever in the Girl Scouts? You ever sell thin lips? I mean thin mints.

No. Now, do you get vaginal lip injections as well? Ah. No, I do not. I could help you with that. So why not the boobs? Why didn't you get the boobs? Those are next.

Well, they were going to be. I was going to buy boobs this year, but then I got fired. Are you going to go crazy? Are you going to get like triple E to match then I got fired. Are you going to go crazy? Are you going to get triple E to match the lips? I don't know. Maybe some C's. Right now I have A's.

Maybe go a little bit bigger. These are C's. I don't think they'll be C's. I'll have to test. Let me film later. Oh yeah, absolutely. He's also pregnant with quadruplets if you want to feel that. So what do you do for fun in Ventura? We're just here for one night only.

So what's cool to do around here? I like to day drink, go to brunch. It's fun. Talk, you know, mainly judge people with my best friend. It's kind of fun. Where do you go to judge people? Where's a good place to people watch around here? Well, I live in Camarillo, so we go to, like, Lure, 2088. I don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, different restaurants. You have a boyfriend? No. Single, huh? Yeah. Why do you think that is? How is such a beautiful girl single? Because every time I date somebody, they dump me. Why do you

think that is? Because, I don't know, I think it's them for sure. What do they tell you? Some things don't age as well as wine, Tony. What do they tell you when they break up with you? Well, the first guy that broke up with me, I've only been in like two relationships,

the first guy said, he's like, I feel like we've run our course. Uh-huh. So he aborted the mission. I feel like you've run your course. How about the second guy? What did he say? Second guy, he just he said I instigated it. I don't think I did but he said you instigated it? He said I instigated the breakup but he never

texted me back or gave me attention. Wow. And that joke about the Tinder joke that I said is about him because he was on Tinder while we were dating. My goodness. Luckily, you've kept a stiff upper lip. Incredible. That's crazy. I can't believe you've only had two boyfriends.

How old are you? 28. Oh, wow. 28. Only two boyfriends. There's definitely something wrong with you. Yeah, there's a secret. Yeah, there's a secret. 28, that's a good year. I mean wow. 28. Only two boyfriends. There's definitely something wrong with you. Yeah, there's a secret. Yeah, there's a secret.

28, that's a good deal. I mean, I dated. You dated a lot. Yeah. You have a lot of one-night stands? Yeah. You do? I do.

Oh, wow. Our new Ventura regular, everybody. It's so exciting. You want to go to the ice house? It's not open, but I got the keys. Hey, hey, hey. My God. You got so excited when you do that leg shaking thing. You want to go to the ice house? It's not open, but I got the keys. Hey. My God. You got so excited when you do that leg shaking thing.

The whole stage shakes back and forth. All right, relax. I'm going to knock shit over over here, those fucking thighs. All right, Kiana. I mean, you know, we're making all these sexist jokes and whatnot, but seriously, your performance was really cool, really awesome. You had jokes the whole way through. You kept them short. They all had punchlines. Great stuff. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Kiana Marquez.

She's on Twitter at Kiana Laughs. All one word. K-I-A-N-A Laughs. Wow. Red red wine from the band over there. better than ever that horn section looking good in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport coupon clipping promo code searching it takes skill speed sweat unless we're talking kudos new phone

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Want to travel the world? International Experience Canada provides opportunities for young Canadians to get a work permit in over 35 countries and territories. Visit Canada.ca slash IEC. A message from the Government of Canada. All right, make some noise for your next comedian, David Freitas. Or Freitas. Freitas.

David Freitas. Oh, hell yeah. One more time for David Freitas, everyone. What's happening, everybody? My name is David Freitas. I'm Mexican, Hawaiian, Chinese, and Portuguese. I know which just sounds like an elaborate way of saying I'm Filipino. I actually, I'm actually not Filipino.

I get confused for being Filipino all the time. I was standing in line about to buy fish, and this guy came up to me and he said, excuse me, sir, what is your name? And I said, David. And he said, ah, David, which I still to this day don't know what clicked for him as a Filipino. And so I said, I said, yeah, I'm David. And he said, sir, are you Filipino? And I said, no. And he said, oh, you're a Filipino lookalike.

So now I just go around, if you want to hire me to be a Filipino At a party, host a karaoke event If you have any jobs As a male nurse I'm looking for work It would be really great I actually I used to be

Oh thanks, sorry, thank you David Freitas Freitas Hell yeah. So you're not Filipino. No, I'm not Filipino. What are you again? Mexican, Hawaiian, Chinese, and whoa.

That was Filipino Grigio. An alcoholic just got its wings. So what are you, David? Mexican, Hawaiian, Chinese, and Portuguese. Wow, look at that. You are definitely eligible for the coronavirus. That's for sure. Like three times, yeah.

Let's see what you look like with those glasses on again. You look like a different... Look at this beautiful lesbian. I mean, just out of nowhere. Hello. I don't know if you've ever been with a Hawaiian lesbian before, but their pussies taste like pineapple pizza. It's amazing.

Somewhere over the rainbow. Hey, I like that. That is a true Hawaiian lesbian reference in multiple ways. I'd stomp his grapes if you know what I'm saying. Hey, like that. So, David, fun times. You are definitely an ethnic human. You can put your glasses back up if you want, whatever at that. So, David, fun times. You are definitely an ethnic human. You can put your glasses back up.

If you want, whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. Whatever makes you comfortable. Thanks, yeah, I didn't really want those on. No, it's okay. Are those a prescription? No. You do those just for the looks, right?

They're just there to block out glare. I have sensitive eyes. Ah, look what a pussy. Yeah. How old are you, David? I'm 29. How long have you, David? I'm 29. How long have you been doing stand-up? For about four years.

Four years? All here in Ventura? Ventura and San Diego. Oh. Yeah. You have places in both? You used to live in San Diego? No, I used to live in San Diego.

I started in San Diego about four years ago, and then I moved back up here when I got two DUIs. Oh, wow, two DUIs. My goodness. Yeah, you definitely have some Chinese blood running through you. What did you hit? The off-ramp. You hit a wall?

Nothing. The off-ramp. You hit a wall? No, I just veered off onto the side. On the shoulder. I was swerving. He doesn't know he was drunk. I love it, man. What do you do for work? I'm an HR administrator.

Yikes. Let's go back to the DUIs. What do you remember about getting DUIs? Do you remember a moment where you realized you were fucked? Yeah, I was fucked. I was trying to follow this girl that invited me to her hotel. She told me that her room number was like 512 and it was at the Marriott. And I was driving around yelping every Marriott because I didn't remember which one she said it was. Oh, fuck.

How many different 512s did you knock on? Zero, actually. I don't know. There are no 512s. Was it around here? It was in San Diego. Oh, so she lied to you. I think so.

Sounds like she was from Tijuana. Yeah. My goodness gracious. Wow. But you remember that. You still remember to this day, room 512. Yeah, 512. And then so since then, I got a breathalyzer in my car two years ago.

And so I couldn't drink and drive. And so then that's when I picked up cocaine because cocaine doesn't go into a breathalyzer. I knew I liked this boy. You do cocaine, Alexandria? What? That's so interesting. I never would have guessed that about you.

I very rarely see that in any of the characters that you do. He has an eight ball on his nose. Look at that. Oh, look at that. And then... Brian, do you really want to get this started?

Oh, my goodness. I'll have a little. Yeah. You know, he just wants a little. Of course, this guy doesn't go over his limits with anything in his life. Indeed. Fun talks.

The old cocaine talks on Kill Tony. So how much cocaine do you do? No, not anymore. I quit that and drinking two months ago. So how much cocaine do you do? No, not anymore. I quit that and drinking two months ago. You've been sober for two months? Completely sober? Yeah. Wow, look at that.

So what do you do? What do you fill your time and energy with? Cocaine. I just eat. Now I just get fat. What do you like to eat? In-N-Out fucking meatloaf I just eat. Now I just get fat. What do you like to eat? In-N-Out fucking meatloaf burgers. Meatloaf?

What the fuck? What In-N-Out trough are you visiting? Objects in the room. Pizza. Just fucking everything that has cheese and bread and fucking everything. Oh, look at you, you fat fuck.

I'm a fat fuck. God, you're a pig. I love it. So what do you like to do for fun other than eating food? This, I stand up. I play saxophone. Oh, wow. Do you bring your own saxophone by any chance? No.

You don't have one in your car? You have to blow a breathalyzer to get it out of your trunk? No. Coronavirus, I forgot. I just went for a fist bump there. No, I don't carry it around when I do stand-up because I prioritize stand-up over music. Oh, wow.

Good lord, yeah. You could definitely never combine the two. That'll never get you anywhere. Am I right, Alexandria? You're so right. Wow. David, anything else crazy? Let's talk about your parents. Which one's which? Yeah, so my mom was born in Oxnard, but her family was from Mexico.

No shit. I knew that as soon as you said Oxnard, but her family was from Mexico. No shit. I knew that. As soon as you said Oxnard. You weren't like Oxnard, and I'm like, oh, that must be the Chinese-Hawaiian. And my dad's everything else. Yeah, Chinese, Hawaiian, Portuguese. But his family was from Hawaii.

Everyone was born here, so I'm American, I guess. You ever go back to Hawaii? It's fucking boring. No, I haven't been there yet. Wow. You can't get laid there or at a Marriott. 5'12".

Late joke. Anyway. You sound like a lovely blend. Thank you. Wow. Interesting stuff, David. How about the last time you had sex with a woman? Because it seems like if you still remember room 512 from years ago,

I feel like you don't get a ton of pussy thrown at you. You know what I mean? No, no. I get no pussy. I've been in a relationship for three years. Oh, wow. What does she do? She works at a call center Booking appointments for

Veterinary hospitals Jesus Meow She's getting more pussy than I am Shut the fuck up Sorry So why don't you guys have sex anymore What's going on with your sex lives

I would like for him to swish that joke Around in his mouth one more time And spit it out and never say it again. So when did the sex stop? You've been with her for three years. When the cocaine stopped. Yeah, when the cocaine stopped. Was she doing it too? No, no,

no, she wasn't. Okay, so what happened with your sex life? Let's talk about it. I don't know. I guess when I started eating more, I also started watching more porn. Now when she wants to have sex, I'm just like, yeah, we could. Or I could just wait until you leave. Or I could just eat this In-N-Out meatloaf. Wow.

So what's your guilty pleasure on porn? Tell the truth. What's your favorite fucking dirty, nasty thing? When the microwave dings, he comes everywhere. Hey. Oh my god. For those of you just listening, Alexandro multiple times now sips from

this goblet of cranberry juice, swishes it around, spits back in the glass. He probably saw that people do that when they go wine tasting, but they don't spits back in the glass. He probably saw that people do that when they go wine tasting, but they don't do it back in the glass and drink it again. Then you're doing it wrong, imbecile.

We've given him too much time to think of a safe answer to this question. I'm going to go back to it. Okay, so I guess the real estate porn is like my favorite. Where there's like a check. You guys are all familiar. All the guys are familiar.

I actually, I'm going to be honest with you. I really do know what you're talking about here. It's pretty good. A lot of my favorite, a lot of the things that I've searched have led me back into real estate porn. A lot of women with big tits that love taking hot loads inside of them for some reason are also selling real estate at the same time. I thought you meant I thought you just meant porn where I'm able to buy a house in LA.

Do you know my friend actually does real estate porn. She's done it for a long time. The reason why they do it is because they rent houses and instead of furnishing them they just made up the idea like it's for sale. Brilliant. Looks like we're just going to have to fuck on this carpet.

So real estate porn, what else? Pizza porn? You're the only guy that jerks off at the part where the pizza arrives. You're like, oh, that's it for me. That's a happy ending right there. The transaction's over. Lesbian porn. Everyone loves lesbian.

Even women love... Oh, this chick doesn't love lesbian porn. David, shut the fuck up. I don't like it when you create your own tangents. Don't bother this young lady. Look at that guy she's with. That's an actual man. You see that, David?

You think he wears glasses to block the shit of eyes? That dude will slap the shit out of you. He looks like if the Pringles guy became a cholo. Hey, fool. Once you pop, you can't stop, homie. He does look like a tough Mexican Pringles guy. David, fun times, though, dude. Thanks for coming on.

Thanks for signing up. Good luck with everything. Congratulations on your sobriety. David Freitas, everybody. Lil' Davey Fritos on social media, all one word. God, does the band sound good tonight. How about a hand for the band, everybody? Okay, I believe we've seen this young lady before.

Make some noise for Blue Ball, everyone. Blue Ball. Blue Ball. Here she comes. She's been on the show in Los Angeles before. She's here for you now in Ventura. One more time for Blue Ball. All right.

So all this great news we've been hearing about, it's public now. It's out there. I guess my butthole is back on the market. Ever since Kobe died, I covered up my lower back or upper butt tattoo that said reserved for Kobe. I guess that's not going to happen now. So anyway, yeah.

Too soon? So I was driving down here. I had reservations for food, nice restaurant in Ventura. And then I got high as fucking traffic. So I smoked out and then I hit the In-N-Out. So I don't know how that restaurant is maybe I'll come back next time we're here wow

there you go, Blue Ball everybody she's back again for those of you that just listened to the podcast blue ball is a uh is a uh slightly uh what would we call that what's your age i just turned 52 52 years old 52 years old and she has what we call crazy eyes, everybody. She has wild eyes. She has a story to her. Now let's talk about it. What made you think that saying

that you reserved your butthole for Kobe would work? Well, 15 years ago. He was a successful, successful, rich basketball player, right? He'd rather crash into a mountain than that asshole. West Coast. Yeah, well, like, 15 years ago, I saw him play, and I saw, basically...

You saw him play? Do you think he was looking at the stands like, hey, who's that 37-year-old out there with the crazy eyes? I might shove it in her butthole. Do you really have that tattoo? Is that a real tattoo? I just had it covered up. Are you being serious? Yes. Are you fucking

serious? Yes. You could tell the truth. It was reserved for Kobe with an arrow. Shut the fuck up. Can I see what you covered it up with? It's covered up. What does it say now? It says reserved for Bobby now. No, now it's just

nothing. It's random. Dinner reservations for Kobe's steak. It's best before. Best before... Do you like butt sex? Is that your thing?

No, nothing's my thing right now. I've been... Did you used to? No. Then why would you ever put that tattoo pointing to your asshole? Yeah, why wouldn't you put it on the front and point it towards your vagina? Because, you know, the whole Colorado thing...

Or perhaps get a face tattoo and put it towards your mouth. Because on the front it says, the front says, reserved for Patrick Ewing. No. No. That's a Joel Berg chant right there. Are you guys going to do it, or do I have to do it for you? I have to teach you how to be a live audience here?

Oh my god. Patrick Ewing. The biggest, blackest basketball player you could think of. My goodness gracious. So why your butthole? That is a good question, Red Band Hat. Welcome back to Why Your Butthole

with Tony Hinchcliffe. I know that's Kobe's style, and I know that I have... Is that a known thing, that Kobe liked the asshole? I mean, did you not hear about Colorado? Welcome back to Black Stereotypes with this guest in Ventura. If you were bent over butt naked courtside, and there was no one else there other than Kobe, I still think he would pass. That's good, right?

I've never seen someone return a free throw before. No, thank you. My goodness. I guess I'd take anyone that got down on all fives. On all fives? What does that mean? Because he has a big dick? Right.

Oh, okay. You have a dirty mind on you. True that. Tony, I don't think I'm gay anymore. So, Blue Ball, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is my second minute. Second minute ever? That's it?

You've only been on stage twice? That's it. Well, this is better than your first time. I do remember that, right? Yes. Yes. Yes, imagine that. The first first time. I do remember that, right? Yes. Yes. Yes, imagine that. The first time was worse, everybody.

No, I'm kidding. Well, how come you don't perform other places to get more reps in, to get better? I have a tendency to pee in my pants. What? What? What'd you say? Yeah, you heard it. I have a little incontinence issue when it comes to, like, stress.

Do you really? Yes. Do you wear diapers or anything like that? It depends. You wear Depends? No, don't make that joke. Don't laugh at that, you fucking assholes. I will not accept the fact that I have an audience that would laugh at a joke like that coming to see my show.

Do not laugh at that. I'm very mad at you now. So you're saying that if we stress you out enough right now, you'll pee your pants? No, just like when I hear my name called, I'm like... Wow. Really? You dribble a lot like Kobe. Hey, look at that. Red band.

So how often does that happen? I mean, you've only been on the show twice. Did you pee your pants last time? As a matter of fact, I was wearing a diaper that night. Wow. You thought Kobe Bryant would take off your diaper and fuck you in the ass? One of the greatest basketball

players of all time. I wonder if there's a middle-aged lady in a diaper that I could fuck for. I had an open backdoor policy, so I was kind of hoping. You look like your porn name would be Gwen Step Mommy. that I could buck fall. I had an open backdoor policy, so I was kind of hoping, you know? You look like your porn name would be Gwen Step Mommy. Or Reba McEntire as fuck.

Blueball, what have you been doing with your life up until this point? What's going on? You wearing Big Jay Oakerson's pants from when he was a grade schooler? Yeah. I just, yeah, just doing my he was a grade schooler. I just do my thing. I live by myself. I travel when I want.

How many cats do you have? Zero. Zero cats? No dogs, no cats. Wow. You live by yourself. How long have you lived by yourself? You have a lot of plants, fish. You have something, right? There's something wacky going on in that place. No, I'm starting to get into this thing.

I play poker. I love watching MMA and all that stuff. Wow, you play poker. You watch MMA. You are desperate for dick. Wow. You are just like, this is the fakest Tinder profile

from a horny woman I've ever heard. I'm into poker, MMA, food, not that long of walks on the beach and all that. I'm into Ed Hardy, dinosaurs, Axe Spray. You ever work in the adult industry? Have you ever been a stripper

or anything like that? No. What have you done for work your whole life? How have you made money? I have made money. I sold cars and made a lot of money back in the day. Really? Yes. Like you sold cars? I worked for Toyota for about 20 years.

Ah, Toyota. What's the most expensive Toyota you ever sold? Land Cruiser. Fully loaded with financing and all that good stuff. Wow. Fully loaded, just like your diaper after I say your name. I just got a good look at her face.

She looks like Melissa Villas Sr. Oh, my God. Well, Blue Ball, fun times. Did you have fun tonight? I had a great time. Thank you, Ventura. Well, there you go. Blue Ball, everybody.

She's on Twitter. It's Miss X Stacey. M-I-S-S-X Stacey. She has a secret also, right? Oh, she has a few secrets, dude. She has a couple few secrets. That's the kind of girl you let over your place one time. She's just never leaving.

She's staring through your windows for eternity. She does that law, like, I live here now because I've been here for two days. Those crazy crazy used car salesman eyes that she has. Want an Accord? Huh? You want a Civic? Huh? This episode is brought to you by Starbucks.

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or older. Ontario only. Please pay responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. Alright, pulled another name out of the bucket. It's a Honda. Make some noise for Matt Blair, everybody. Matt Blair. Oh, here he comes. Here we go. Ooh. Wow. Matt Blair. Oh, here he comes. Here we go. Broken glass everywhere.

One more time for Matt Blair. A little bit about me. Six foot, two inches. No reason to get excited. Those are actually two different measurements. Just got a bidet. Pooping like a boss now. It's like a water pick for your butthole.

Here's the deal. I'm an avid pooper. Been doing it for years. Pretty much mastered the skill. No doubt. But this bidet, y'all, it's a game changer. Itchy asshole?

Gone. Lower back pain? Gone. Thought I had a herniated disc. Turns out, I just got a dirty butt. I need to start making better decisions in my life. Starting with this jacket what the hell was I thinking I look like I'm here to put out a fire

I look like Paddington Bear if he sold Molly at a rave I look like Georgie from It if he grew up to be an adult with PTSD I look like Bye Curious George Hey I like that Fuck yeah Matt Blair if you grew up to be an adult with PTSD. I look like Bi-Curious George. Hey, I like that. Fuck yeah, Matt Blair.

Matt Blair. Made fun of himself. Made all the good jokes. We don't even have anything left that we could possibly make fun of about you whatsoever. I do know what you did last summer, though. I didn't understand a word this man said. My guess is last summer he moved here from Long Island.

You have a thick accent on you, sir. Is that born and raised in Ventura? What are you? Phoenix. What? Phoenix accent. Phoenix. I'm from fucking Phoenix.

What are you? Phoenix, New Jersey. Hey. A-Z, Phoenix. Where the fuck do you think I'm from? Phoenix, like raised from the ashes, like a tomato pizza. I love it, man. So you're from Phoenix, Arizona.

How long have you lived up here? What are you doing up here? I've been following you around. I went to La Jolla, the comedy store. Now I'm here. I've been trying to get on this show for a little over a year. This is my 11th attempt.

Get the fuck out of here. You've tried 11 times to get on. Wow, that is so cool. I've been driving back and forth. I've been driving back and forth from Phoenix since November. Wow, that's a long drive. That's six hours at least, right? Yeah.

My goodness, and especially on a bird scooter. I mean, I can't imagine how long that must take. You look like Nate Diaz and Mark Wahlberg had a baby. That's pretty good. I'll take that as a compliment. Did you buy that jacket originally thinking this is going to be a sexy-ass jacket, and then everyone made fun of you,

and then you had a new 10 minutes of... No, no, he had to buy a raincoat after he got his bidet. It's so powerful. His gang name is Big Bird. I love it. So what did happen? What is that jacket? Did you inherit that from someone or something like that?

Was that one of the original 9-11 firefighters jackets or something? I got it in fucking Arizona in the home of the 9-11, you know, where the towers came down. Oh! My fucking sons, the name of the basketball team. Hey, Phoenix, yo, you fucking idiot. Go ahead, go ahead. Where'd you get the jacket from?

From my dead sister. Whoa, really? Is your dead sister? She passed away in 2006. Hey, I got a dead sister. She wanted to be an actress and comedian, and this is actually her last gift. She left me.

Oh, that's so cool. So I wanted to integrate it into my act. Fuck yeah, man. That's awesome. So that's the story behind it. How'd she pass away? Fucking opiates. Pain pills. Oh, yeah, pain pills. That'll happen. That'll happen, especially when she has a brother like you. You know what I mean?

It's just like she's got to escape. No, I'm kidding. And that was in Arizona too? Yeah. Yeah, they have a real epidemic going on there. Did you ever have any problem with those? Yeah. Yeah. I've been off them

for four and a half years. Four and a half years off the pain pills. Not easy. Just smoke weed every day. That's good. Take my fish oil. Goddamn right.

That's a good way to help yourself get off of those things. Was that a hard transition? I can't imagine. I just got really into jujitsu, actually. I got addicted to jujitsu, actually. I got addicted to jujitsu and just took

edibles like a madman. Heck yeah. Absolutely. That's beautiful. Just like the doctor ordered. Do you still do jujitsu? Yeah, I've been out for a little over a year. Do you think they're going to close the gyms down because of coronavirus? I think they already did.

That's just what they told him. They didn't want him to come back anymore. They're like, I can't get this guy in an armbar with that fucking jacket on. Wow. So Matt, that's so cool that you travel so much following the show around. What do you do for a living? I'm a personal trainer back home. Oh, wow. Look at that.

Getting people's lives in order, huh? Yeah. I get paid to have my time wasted about 80% of the time. Right. Because it's a bunch of fat fucks that don't end up following through, right? More or less. Yeah, absolutely. If you were to personal train each one of us on stage, what would be the advice you

would give, starting with Red Band? Well, I mean, Jesus, that's a seven-part question, Jeremiah. I'd have to see how he moves he might actually move pretty light he doesn't move this is his workout that's what he just did

that's called a red band press right there actually the blue whale is one of the fiercest hunters in nature I've been saying that for years. That's what you learn at Jujitsu. You never know. I'm a sperm whale.

I'm not like a fucking animal, but I might be a teddy bear. That is true. That's right. That is absolutely true. That's what we call Red Band, the blue whale of Kill Tony. I think he looks like a human teddy bear. He does. Look at him.

He's adorable. Absolutely. Love you both. Look at him. He's adorable. Absolutely. Love you both. Big fans of both of you guys. Thank you. Indeed. We're a big fan of you, Matt. What else about your life?

What do you like to do for fun when you're not doing jujitsu or anything else? I like to play baby roulette. Baby roulette? How do you play that? Tell us. Teach us. That's where you come inside a girl and you both know that she's not on birth control. Tony, I... where you come inside a girl and you both know that she's not on birth control. The plan

isn't to get her pregnant, but if it happens, it happens. It's a real man's sport. I don't think any of those girls are keeping that baby, dude. I don't know. Have you met Blue Ball back there? I don't think she can get pregnant anymore.

If you come inside of her, she'll just piss the cum right out. So it's like a self-cleaning system. Baby roulette. It's fun to say. It's even funner to play. Yes, Tony, I think I'm gay again. You're a funny guy, Matt Blair.

How long have you... Did they ask you this already is what did you what did you say four years all together and mostly in arizona right what for four years stand up three three uh-huh very cool and this is your first time performing in california uh no i've performed at flappers um audition mic. That's been the only mic I've been able to get up. That's so cool, man. You're fucking doing it, dude. You're hustling around. You got off fucking pain pills.

You look like you're still on them, but you're off of them. And that's, you know, it's just magical. The fact that you're doing this and sort of keeping your sister's legacy alive, it's fucking awesome. You're a genuinely funny guy. It's so cool that you're so hungry. A lot of people fucking give up. Sometimes after one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times trying to get on this show. People

say, oh, the fucking, I don't have good luck. Or, oh, maybe it's rigged. Or maybe it's this or that. But you stayed fucking persistent. My mom pleaded with me on the way here not to go. I was like, fuck that. This is a great opportunity.

Yeah. All those scared motherfuckers can hide. Yeah. I'm going to go get mine. What was your mom's theory? Why did your mom say you shouldn't come? Because I'm with my baby mama right now. Oh, you are?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Where's your baby at? Inside my baby mama. Oh, looks like someone lost the old game of roulette, huh? Yeah Seven year streak snack The house always wins, my friend

The house always wins Wait, she's drinking right now You know what we should do? I don't know what you guys think But I think we should call his mom And tell her how good of a job he did here tonight, huh? My phone died. Your phone died?

You have your mom's number? You have it memorized? Let's use this guy's phone because I don't want your mom to have my number. There we go. This is perfect. Put it on... Dial the number, put it on a speakerphone. Oh, it's Sprint.

Look at this. Sprint. Wow, look at that. My goodness gracious. This must remind you of your days being a pill head. Now, guys, we have to be really quiet for this. So, like, try to hold in your claps and stuff. Yeah, everybody keep quiet.

Put it on speakerphone and put it right to the bottom of that thing. Just like that. Yeah, let's see what happens here. Turn that volume up. Upper click there. Oh, yeah, sprint. Absolute dog shit. Yeah, looks good to me.

Here we go. Put it up there. Oh, here we go. Yeah, put it right up to that, right against it. Hello? Hey, Mom. Hi. It's me.

It's Matt. Hi, Matt. And it's me, Tony Hinchcliffe, one of the top Young Rising comedians in the world. Oh, yeah? Yeah, your son got up on my show, and he did an amazing job tonight. That's wonderful.

You know, he played out here. He got to play out here at the Celebrity Theater in front of 2,300 people. Oh, wow, he did? Did you go to that show? Did you go to that show? Or did you not support him when you tried to talk him out of coming here tonight? No, I went to that show.

Oh, I see. You only support him on the big shows where it's close to you, where it's easy, huh? No. No, he's been wanting to get on shows. He talks and talks about it. No, I love it. So I'm so happy that he got to.

I hear a lot of noise going on over there. Are you masturbating right now? What? No, I'm too upset. But if you were going to masturbate, what would you masturbate with? Oh, my God. I have no idea. It's okay, Mom.

You can tell them. She's laughing. And I got you a speaker phone. Oh, my God. Wait, say that. I'm in charge of a grocery store. Peter. Peter.

Hey, hold on a second. Mom, Mom, are you there? Yes, I'm here. Let me ask you this. When you made Matt, were you and your man just trying to play a good old game of baby roulette? I didn't hear you, sorry.

When you made Matt, was Matt an accident? Were you playing baby roulette? No, he was an accident. He was an accident. But a good one. Hold on. Wait, you just got a big laugh.

What did you say after accident? But a good one. Oh, he is a good one. He had a great set tonight, and he had so much fun tonight, he said that he's getting back on the pain pills. We're just kidding. We love you, Mom. You made a good kid here.

He's about to cry. He's shaking up here right now. I don't know. We did it again. There goes Matt Blair, everybody. Matt Blair comedy. Moms love me. I can get away with anything with anybody's mother.

Fun fact, all moms love me. I was raised by a mom. My mom's older than everybody's mom, so I've already dealt with an old mom. You didn't feel weird about saying that to his mom about the masturbation? No, did you hear her laughing the entire time? She's having the time of her life. She's out there.

I'm pretty sure she was in the middle of a gangbang or something like that. I'm always blown away when Brian gets embarrassed. I can't take that. Meanwhile, if his mom got pulled out of the bucket, he'd be like, so what does your asshole smell like? No. You ever have anything fall out of your butt?

She doesn't even know I'm a comic or I do any of this. Hide that. There you go. Okie dokie. Anyway, back to the bucket we go. It's something with parents. I just, you know, like when we, like William's parents. I know, because you're weird about your parents. Yeah.

We, like, don't know Red Band's parents. They're always, like, on the other side of it. They never come to shows. They always, like, drop them off or something like that. It's, like, very bizarre. He's always like, bye, guys. Get out of here before we get to see them. Leave me two blocks away, mom.

Yeah, it's always super mysterious. I can't imagine what you're hiding because I see the things that you're proud of, so I don't even know. His parents look like the outsider on HBO or something like that. They're still forming or whatever. Oh, you guys don't have HBO.

This is Ventura. That's right. That's another ten dollars a month are you kidding me we got stars encore i already got netflix i can't do that if it ain't on youtube i ain't got it okay at enterprise we know you're constantly on the move getting this thanks mom fixing that you reach a destination and then it's on to the next and when life is moving at the speed of well life enterprise is right there with you around the corner and around the globe we'll keep you moving forward. Enterprise. For lives and drive.

Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for your next comedian, KC, everyone. KC. KC. One more time for KC, everyone. Yeah, how we doing? Yeah, I work a job. I like to start out with a brag.

I work a job. I work at a grocery store. It's not a good brag. I work this job because of racism. It's the only way I can put it. I went in to be a cashier. A lot of my money handling skills said I could count without using my fingers. A lot of lies.

They only hired me because they found out I was Mexican and I work produce. It's messed up. I stack a lot of strawberries. I sell oranges. I work with a five-dude named Jose. It's a real racist place. But I stay because I get benefits, and that's dope. I get a lot of benefits.

I get free food. That's like the dopest. I steal it. But I don't even call it stealing. It's gathering, okay? I'm out there foraging through the produce aisle. I got to do it, okay? I got hand tattoos.

I'm dumb. I got a job. I'm real dumb. I got a GED. You guys know what that is, right? It's an acronym. It stands for I Could Have Done Better. Probably on this set.

Thank you, guys. Hell yeah. Casey. So what was that last one? GED stands for what? I Could Have Done Better. Could have done better. But that doesn't even...

Good enough, dude. Oh, okay. I get it. I like your style, dude. You have like a white hillbilly accent. Latino everything else. It's like white Malcolm. Yeah, he's like white Malcolm. That's what I was...

No, he's not. It doesn't's what I was thinking. He took the work. No, he's not. That doesn't make any sense. So welcome, welcome. You have face tattoos? Look at you. You're the real deal. Put that mic up closer to your mouth.

Hell yeah. Man, you have tattoos on your thumbs and shit? You ever been to prison? Jail. What'd you go to jail for? Oh, yeah. I just noticed the Raiders hat. That might as well be a... That might as well be the old...

Yeah, I got a Raiders hat, too. I belong in jail. I've been a couple times with stuff, like drugs. Drugs? What kind of drugs? I mean, I had some pain pills, too, but I don't quit, so... Oh, shit. We're about to call your mom, dude.

No, I'm kidding. You still work at the grocery store? Is that true? Yeah. I used to work at a grocery store, shit. We're about to call your mom, dude. No, I'm kidding. You still work at the grocery store? Is that true? Yeah. I used to work at a grocery store, too. That was my first job. The day that I turned 16. Me, too.

Is that the age when you started working in Ohio? I was 15. 15? Yeah. Maybe it was 15 back then for you. Yeah, it was 40 years ago. Yeah. Oh, my God.

I'm pretty sure I had to be 16 to legally work. Maybe I was 15. But anyway, I was a bag boy, and I used to do that, too. I got addicted to a bunch of weird foods. There was one period of time where I got... Because you would do the returns and stuff, and you can sneak away with food. How many of you by round of applause have ever worked at a grocery store?

That's a lot of people. I think that's a pretty normal thing. And they have the thing called the go-backs, backs right so I would always try to do go backs because I'd be so sick of bagging groceries and I'd sneak away and I'd just start pounding food and there was one point where I got addicted to eggnog when I was a kid just regular eggnog

I would find it just normal non-alcoholic eggnog and I would just chug as many as I could I got in with a guy in the dairy department. He would just slide me eggnogs. What the fuck? He'd put it in a head of lettuce. Like, hey, what's in there?

I don't know. I was just jacked up on regular fucking frothy eggnog. It was my favorite. It was my favorite part of the Christmas season. You ever drink eggnog out of a lettuce? Welcome to another episode of Ever Drink Eggnog. You ever drink eggnog? I've never had eggnog.

You've never had eggnog? Latinos never try eggnog. That's a weird fun fact that I learned when I moved out to California. It's haunted, fool. Yo, I don't even know what part of the egg that comes from, Holmes. Yo, there's like the yolk, the shell. Where's the nog, dude? That's like some chicken placenta or something.

I don't understand eggnog. Do you know what eggnog is? If you had to guess. Yes. Hold on. To save the world from coronavirus. You had to guess. Yes.

Hold on. To save the world from coronavirus, if we put you responsible, if the only thing to save the world from this pandemic was you making eggnog without anybody interrupting them when I asked the question, what would you mix in a bowl to make eggnog? Nobody cheat. Do not cheat, you fucking stupid fucking meathead over here. This guy's all wired up on Alpha Brain and Shroom Tech over here.

All right, you gotta make eggnog. Your time's up. Say it right in the tip of the mic. To save the world from coronavirus, don't know excuses, only the ingredients. Go. Wait, what? I'm just throwing some eggs and milk. I don't know what the hell. That's like what I think it is. I'm just throwing some eggs in milk. Hey, just say, wait, what? I'm just throwing some eggs in milk.

I don't know what the hell. That's like what I think it is. I don't know. Actually, I don't know. It's pretty close. I just realized. It's pretty close. A little nutmeg in there, a little cinnamon, sugar. That's what it is.

Some turmeric. I don't know. Hey, turmeric. I think you're close. That's close to the color. Just fun fact. Mexican eggnog is called rompope. What?

Mexican eggnog is called rompope. Oh. No one gives a shit. My goodness. This guy's never tried eggnog. However, it looks like he was born in a bath filled with horchata. Rompope is the name of my gardener. Wow. So you still work at the grocery grocery store You're trying to stay out of trouble

What's your love life like? I've heard a rumor that guys with face tattoos Love making love is that true? I heard you guys don't even fuck You just make love like romantic stuff It's very sweet every time Yeah I got a girlfriend When you guys have sex do you bag it up?

Hey, grocery store. Fuck yeah. They might produce a child at any moment. Fuck yeah. Once you go back, you ever put it in her cart? I'll get it back out of the shopping cart. What's your girl like? Is she like a little feisty Latino girl that's face tattooed? Is she like a little feisty Latino girl?

Is she like Gabriel Hernandez's mom? She has that face makeup. There's only like three pictures of them out ever. Yo, we got ready. I got ready for these. What do you guys like to do when you're not going? Cat litter, aisle seven. When you guys like to do when you're not going to work? Cat litter, aisle seven. When you guys go out, when you guys have a big date night, where have you gone?

What have you done? I'm real romantic, so I take her to Buffalo Wild Wings. You trying to take Brian out? I'm trying, man. I want to be on the Ice House. Wow. But, like, yeah, we go out. We go to little diners and stuff.

She white, so. Oh, she white. Yeah. Wow. Hashtag she white, though. Now, you've been with Latinas before, though, right? Yeah. What's your, why do you, is there something about white women that you prefer over a Latina?

Lots of things. Yeah, she got a bed and a weighted blanket. A weighted blanket? You didn't even need to say the weighted blanket part. You had me at, she got a bed. She got a weighted blanket.

Sold. What do Latina women sleep with? What's that like? Me? Well, like, not in a good way. Like, it's like my backseat of my car. It's not a good thing. No, I mean, like, you said the white women have beds and weighted blankets.

What do Latino women sleep on? Yeah, I don't know. Outside. Outside. In a puddle? The weighted blanket just has, like, I don't know, outside. In a puddle? The weighted blanket just has, like, tigers on it. That's inside, all right. Wow, my goodness gracious.

KC, any other fun facts we should know about you? How long have you been doing stand-up? Uh, like nine months. Nine months, absolutely, look at that. How pregnant's your baby mama? Like eight and a half. I just won a contest at the Ha Ha Comedy Club on Tuesday.

I'm going to be doing more shows there. That's great. I am funny. We believe you. We believe you. Absolutely. You guys that go to Flappers, go to Ha Ha instead. Way better open mic.

Way more realistic to what the actual comedy world is like. Sure. Yeah. I say go to the comedy store or die. Y'all never picked me at the comedy store. But hey, look. You know what I mean? But you got to be persistent.

Just because you ended up getting lucky at the Ha Ha doesn't mean you're not going to eventually get lucky at the comedy store. It's like the lottery. You can't win if you don't play. Look at old homeboy over there, Matt Blair, 11 times driving from Phoenix to Los Angeles to La Jolla all the way to fucking, I wouldn't, out of all the drives,

this guy drove to fucking Ventura in the rain. Hours and hours of rain. How far do you live from here? I stay in Burbank now, but I'm from Ventura. Oh, you're originally from here. What part? What part? The east end of Ventura. I'm from Saticoy. Oh, okay. Saticoy, absolutely.

What kind of Burbank area? Lake Street? What are you? I stay at the Planet Fitness now. I follow Malcolm. He's there. Yeah. There you go. Okay.

That's exciting. How about your baby mama? What does she do for work? She actually is away right now. She works on the show Survivor. She's working on set right now. Yeah. She in Fiji.

Oh, wow. I don't know how to tell you this, but she's not coming home. I wouldn't. My goodness. What's the big line from Survivor when they put out your candle or whatever? You are the biggest loser. No.

Your time has come to an end. Oh, you're trying. Yeah, that's it. There you go. It would have been better if I could have just thought of it and ended with that. All right, we're going to edit that part out. And, well, Casey, the tribe has spoken. Ah, we had fun with you here tonight.

There he goes, Casey, everybody. Casey does comedy. The letters. Casey does comedy. Thank you. Casey does comedy. Thank you. Alright, here we go. Your next comedian

from the bucket of destiny, Ventura, goes by the name of Connor Corsentino. Connor Corsentino. Here he is Make some noise for Connor everyone Alright thank you We got any Disney fans in the house? Yeah

So you guys might know about the Little Mermaid Maybe Yeah one person If you guys might know about The Little Mermaid. Maybe. Yeah, one person. If you didn't know, Disney's making a live action remake of The Little Mermaid. And Ariel is now black. I think you guys are actually supposed to clap,

not laugh. One person. Cool. But when the internet found out, they were pretty upset. They were angry. They were freaking out, as the internet tends to do. Personally, I don't care. But how do you think she feels when she finds out she's got to get her hair wet? Listen. Listen. Listen listen Thank you, listen The water's all CGI

It's not even real You got nothing to worry about I did hear though They're talking about changing her name Which I think is a little ridiculous If anything we could just mispronounce it Right? Ariel, maybe she's from the city

Ariel, with her homeboy Flounder Thank you Okay Hell yeah Welcome, welcome, Connor Corsentino How's it going, man? Good, how are you?

Good, good, you're a racist I was so worried, Tony, that when he said they changed her name, he was just going to say they changed it to the N-word. Yeah. That's good. You made the long drive from El Rio to be here tonight? El Rio? No, I'm from Ventura.

Oh, Ventura. Hell yeah. Fantastic city, named after the great baseball player Robin Ventura. I don't know if you guys know that anyway um uh so uh what do you do for work connor i work in construction i work in a we build pools uh-huh yeah we build pools do you do you build pools uh i'm more of like a supervisor i meet with inspectors and stuff. Oh, you make the Mexicans build the pools. Yeah.

Right. I don't make them. I mean, it's their job. You look like one of the undercover cops from McMillions. Anyway. I didn't know Larry the Cable Guy had a son. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you like to do for fun, Connor? You're from Ventura, born and raised. I should have known by the sweatpants you're wearing. That'll do it. I like to smoke a lot of weed. Ventura. Ventura's got a lot of hiking, so I take my dogs out on hikes. Nice. How many dogs do you have?

Just two. Just two of them. What are their names? Otis and Abby. Otis and Abby? Otis and Abby. Otis and Abby. Wow, you gave them real white trash names, dude. How to do it.

Otis, Abby, come on. Get over here. Get her. Come on, keep up, Otis. Abby. Abigail. Yeah. You have a girlfriend, a wife?

No, single. Wow, single. Single. So Otis and Abby and you, huh? That's the three of us. You ever masturbate in front of your dogs? No. Yes. Oh, you do, Alexandria?

Sometimes I lay out a big old cheese plate and just go to town. Oh, my goodness. Gracious. You really growled on the word town there. Yeah. I think it's funny. Did you just swallow some of the wine that you've been spitting back up? Yeah he's been doing that.

I've been noticing he's been drinking that wine actually. Wow you're fucking disgusting Alexandria. Yo disgusting. Alright well Connor that's interesting stuff. Silly boy. How long have you been doing stand up? About a year now. About a year.

All of it here in Ventura? I've gone to L.A. a few times. Yeah, what have you done in L.A.? I've done the Mint, and just like a few, I've done the Downtown Comedy Crawl. Why do you think you're single? When's the last time you went on a date? I actually went on a date yesterday. What was that like?

What happened there? How'd you meet that girl? It was good. I know her from Mutual Friends. What was that like? What happened there? How'd you meet that girl? It was good. I know her from mutual friends. She works at one of the bars around here. I've been hanging out with her a little bit lately. Uh-huh. Did you build her a pool?

No. No? You didn't lay a little foundation? I mean... Did you get in her deep end yet? So what ended up happening? Where'd you guys go? Yesterday we went to Ojai and just

went to like a few breweries, hung out. Oh, that makes sense. Nothing happened. You're just like, oh, hi. That was it. Yeah. I've hung out with her before, though. You went to a few bars? How many drinks do you guys think you had? Like if you had to guess. Each drink. Like five or six.

Five or six drinks that you couldn't close. What happened there at the end? What happens at the end? What do you start doing? Just listing off sports facts or something like that? I want to know how to not get laid after having six drinks with a girl. That's impossible. I'd love to be able to figure that out. What exactly do you

have to fuck? You just start farting like look what I can do. It's like what happens there? You just start farting like, look what I can do. She's like, um... Um... What happens there? She had a going away party to go to after. But I hooked up with her twice before.

That's what she told you? That sounds like the most made up thing ever. I have to go. I have a going away party. Why wouldn't she bring you? I'm having a going away party for you right now. You have to leave. I'm going away from you.

I need to water my cactus. I'm sorry. What do you mean a going away? She had six drinks with you and is like, I have to go to my party now. It's for me. I'm going away. I'm going to drive there too. Did she pregame to go on another date with somebody else? I think so, man. Some of these Ventura girls,

my guess is that their men don't have the money. Did you see the dude with the face tattoos that was just up here? Works produce. They have a dumb white boy like Connor get them all liquored up and then they go fuck face tattoos and play baby roulette

until the morning comes. That's too real. That's too real. I think that's real. Do you think there's some truth to that maybe? Nah. You really think that she went to a going away party? What's she going away for? One of her friends was leaving.

Did she have a Kobe Bryant tattoo? My goodness gracious. Six drinks. So at the end, what did you do? You dropped her off somewhere? Yeah, I just dropped her off at her house. You dropped her off at her house. Did you lean in, hug? No, I made out with her. Oh, you made out with her. For how long? I don't know, like 10 minutes maybe? 10 minutes.

Did you do anything with your hands? Grab her butt? Maybe a boob? Two boobs? Anything like that? Under a shirt? Her face. You grabbed her face?

I grabbed her face. Jesus Christ. You ever grabbed a girl's face and you made out with her? No. Okay, Red Band, relax. Red Band grabs his own face when he makes out with a girl. Like Macaulay Culkin. Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening.

So you grab her face, two hands? I'm just like, you know, just going. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus Christ. You're assaulting this person. Nate Diaz like slap you just did. So you went two hands on her face. You squoze it?

You pinch her cheeks at all. Nope. You tug on her ear like that or anything? A little ear tugging. What? Really? A little ear tugging. Oh, yeah.

You don't know about the ear tug? No. You don't know about the ear tug? No. I always just put my hand on the top of her head and push down. Oh, Red Band. Red Band. That sounds like a case.

I put my hands up on your face. That is when you get maced Wow Still the band Connor Corsentino Anything else crazy about your life we need to know about? When I was 17 years old When I was 17 My mom sent me to rehab

For smoking weed True story How'd that go? Did you find recovery? No, I still smoke weed Yeah, I still smoke That makes sense What does she think about that now?

Does she think she made a mistake or is she still back? No, she's not happy She used to work for D.A.R.E. Oh, the fake Nancy Reagan bullshit propaganda? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one. Yeah, I make her very proud.

Wow. You ever build her a pool? My dad did. Oh, your dad works at We Build Pools as well? Yeah. Oh, we're finding out a lot here. Yeah. Looks like this pool runs in the family, huh?

Looks like the floaty doesn't fall far from the all right all right connor my goodness you got sent to rehab at 17 yeah did you have sex with someone when you were in rehab i heard rehabs like basically like so you just make out with girls before they go to going away parties? No, it was outpatient rehab. So I lived at home, but I had to go to these classes three times a week. And one of the weeks was family night, which means you have to talk about your drug use in front of your family, and your family talks about how it affects them. Oh, God.

Yeah, it was pretty cringy. Hey, I'm 17. I smoke pot sometimes. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. And I was the oldest kid there and the only one for weed. Wow. Yeah, so just the biggest bitch, for sure. Yeah, no, yeah, you still are.

Yep, there we go. Connor, thanks for coming on the show. Fun times, too. Congratulations. Connor Corsentino, everybody. Yeah. Valentino, everybody. Well, everybody, you want good news or bad news?

You want the bad news? Okay, William Montgomery, because of his job at a storage facility, could not make it here tonight. Yeah. You guys want more bad news want more bad news david lucas uh could not make it here tonight yes however there is a third regular on this show ladies and gentlemen he's a goddamn sensation he's the one you would think Wouldn't be able to make it

But this guy's a goddamn warrior He made it to two shows in La Jolla on Sunday And he's here for you right now Ventura Make some fucking noise for the great Michael Lehrer Here he comes. Yeah, everybody. Keep it going for Michael Lair.

Michael Lair. He's dancing with a girl in the front row. I love it. Here he is. One more time for the great Michael Lehrer, everyone. Yeah, let me fucking hear you! I get messages from around the world of disabled people I inspire. But if that becomes my fan base, this Wanderie is going to look like a go-kart track. I think a winery would rather be known as a Nazi winery than a disabled winery.

Hear me out, hear me out. Disabled people take up a lot of room. They don't want a lot of medicine. They don't drink a lot of room. They're on a lot of medicine. They don't drink a lot of wine. I bet Nazis drink a lot of motherfucking wine. Thank you for supporting my video. Fuck yes. The one.

The only. Michael. Raw dog dynamite fucking lair is in the house. Ventura, California. Yeah! Use some real ones here for sure. Some real ones. No doubt.

You having fun in Ventura, Michael? I am. I have a couple things to bring up. Go right ahead. All right. One, earlier everyone clapped for a super guy. We're at a fucking winery,

alright? That's bullshit, fuck him. Two, oh my God, I have got to meet Matt Blair a few times. Sweetest guy.

I saw the chick he got pregnant. I don't know if it's wife or girlfriend. And then it turns out he's this great comic. So fucking cool. Let's hear from Matt Blair.

Absolutely. Matt Blair getting a shout out from Michael Lair. Very cool. That was... I mean, no one's more heartwarming than me. But that was pretty fucking close. I love it. How was your trip up here today?

In the rain? You fucking made it? I slept and I made my nurse-like girlfriend drive. Hell yeah. She's here. It's cool. You'll see her. She'll be the one who's like, no more wine.

Have you been drinking some wine here tonight? Fuck yeah. Yeah, you can see how my teeth are bad. And I've been smoking some weed. Yeah, Ventura keeps it real. and I've been smoking some weed. Yeah. Ventura keeps it real because, you know, I don't see any black people here.

But when the guy with the face tattoo started, the audience started talking to him like a black audience does. And I'm like, oh, you best come correct and venture on. Yeah. No, that's absolutely true. No doubt.

Absolutely true. They have a certain type of blacks here. They're called Mexicans. Yeah. You have a lot of black friends? You're originally from Chicago. No. Like everything else about you, your memory is garbage.

Why? Why is my memory garbage? I'm from Flushing, Queens, baby. Right, that's right. I'm a New Yorker. And yeah, I was my white mic. I was the black guy cause everyone else was black

see the Marvin Terrell fuck yeah speaking of flushing a bidet saves you money on toilet paper and for only $79 you can go to hellotushy.com slash killtony and get 10% off your order. You ever use a bidet, Michael?

It's the same water you brush your teeth with. Yeah, I use my toothbrush to clean my asshole. Yeah, that's basically a bidet. Yeah. Yeah. Um, no, no. Um, I have, um, a stable and wet nurse's shoes lying

in my DM who basically perform the same activity. For only $79. They say hello to your tushy, huh? I love that. Well, listen, man. Well, Michael, what else?

Anything else crazy? We absolutely love you. What else are we doing here? I'm just chilling. One thing that I want to point out because it's a one because it's a bunch of chatty fucking Cathy's. Yeah. Yeah.

Whoever's talking over there, we need to shut them up. Like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. It's theater night. Yeah. Everyone over there has to shut up. Support live theater. Yeah.

Somebody tell the lady with the haircut like a poodle to shut the fuck up. I'm watching her talk right now. Poodle lady, shut up. There you go. She's clapping. Gotta go and get something this bitch. Yeah, there you go. All right.

I'm chilling otherwise. There you go. All right. I'm chilling. Otherwise, I'll probably have a costume change for this second show. Yeah. If you haven't bought tickets yet. I love it. I haven't seen a shirt like that since Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead.

That's exciting. What? Well, with a shirt like this it makes it easier for fans to suck on my titties. Ladies and gentlemen, you just

can't beat it. A fucking absolute comedy monster. Raw Dog, Dynamite, The Unstoppable Machine, fucking Punchline City, Michael Lair, everybody. Come on. Come on. Did he just break a glass?

Did he just break a glass? He just ran, straight up ran over a wine glass on his way out of here. It was absolutely awesome. That is at least the fifth or sixth broken wine glass we've had here. Kill Tony shows no mercy here. It is basically, they could have had a fucking, they could have had the insane clown posse here and broken less wine glasses than we've managed to do wow

you guys want to go back to this bucket one more time huh let's see what happens here we've already had a couple ladies up so whatever happens here happens let's see. Make some noise for Seth Frost, everybody. Seth Frost.

Big pop from the crowd. Perhaps a local sensation. Seth. Come on, people. Make some noise. Your final comedian of the night, Seth Brocks. So a couple weeks back, I was pretty fucking lonely. I was down in L.A., and I went to a website called Backpages.

It was really hard to pick, though, because they all write their usernames like Xbox Live names. names you know capital x lowercase c capital u lowercase m slayer 69 x uh yeah so after that encounter i had to go to the doctor um and while i was there the lady said so you have, the last time you had HIV was 2016. Like, fuck, I didn't know I could get it again. But, like, I'm screwed. I don't have Magic Johnson money. Like, that's not going to end well for me. Luckily, I found out she just meant to, she forgot the word tested.

Don't have HIV. I'm lucky. On STDs, though, I found out my parents have one. Yeah, I'm the herpes of my parents' relationship. Yikes. Seth Brock. Man, I could really hear everybody on the other side of the room talking during that extremely silent set that just happened up here. How you doing, Seth? How do you feel, buddy? I'm doing good.

You are? Yeah. That's great, man. How long have you been doing stand-up for? I don't. First time. No, not the first time. Oh. I've done it like eight times, but it's been like five years. Five years since you've done it last, huh?

Who's talking over there? Like, you have to ask yourself. Hey, fat guy with the big beard. Hey, system of a fucking down cake over there. You, fat boy, fat, short, big beard guy. Yeah, you. Look. Look.

Why are you talking? Are you a comedian? So then, why are you talking? Are you a comedian? So then why are you talking? But you were talking with the girl behind you a second ago. Why are you talking to people over there? Are you drunk? No, but you're not listening to the question. Why the fuck are you talking? It's a simple question.

It's a live show. You get it now? Right, very good. You get it now? Right. Very good. You fucking fuck fuck. Stupid idiot. Bunch of morons. Oh, this. Oh, that. Oh, you got a fist bump from another retard. That's great.

Look. They're all just lining up. These are the guys that went and chased down the balloons that the Scientology people let go the other day. Maroon! System of a Downs. We already...

There you go. Thank you, Chroma. Really, just a minute and a half late on that one, but... Beautiful. System of a Downs Syndrome. Oh, there you go. That's from episode 13 of Kill Tony, but... It's just a callback. Yeah, it you go. That's from episode 13 of Kill Tony, but it's just a callback. Yeah, it's a callback.

Episode 444. It's a four-year callback, you imbecile. Six, six, six and a half year callback. Six, six, yep. For the record. We barely heard anything from you tonight, Gilbert Grape. Is there anything else?

The wine is just now kicking in. Can you just try to make more jokes about that guy right off the top of your head? I just want to see what's going to happen here. I actually can't see him. Look at him. He's the fat, fat, fat, short, ugly. The one that really stands out is having no likable qualities. That one right there who talked through this guy's entire set. I watched him.

He got nervous because the first comic, the girl with the super thin lips was talking to him. He looks like Chris Pringles. He looks like what? System of an idiot. There it is. There it is. That's like a guy hitting home run derby with his eyes closed. The final moment of the movie.

It's the slow pitch that I get. That was another retard joke. Whoa! How is this getting worse and worse? It's getting better and better. That was another retard joke. Whoa! Wow. How is this getting worse and worse? It's getting better and better. I guess the real point here is Seth Frost is so unentertaining that we ended up talking to the most hated man

in the back of the room during it. And the most quiet man on stage. That's me. Oh, my God. Wow. What I love is that Joel still plays rim shots no matter how funny or unfunny anything Chroma says is. Chroma, come on.

Really, just let it out. Let it out, Chroma. Come on, say anything. The new Little Mermaid movie is going to be called Lil' Mermaid. Whoa! Chugged it back. Wow. Seth,

anything interesting about you or your life or anything you've ever done in your entire life? I can ride a unicycle. You can ride a unicycle? Did you've ever done in your entire life? I can ride a unicycle. You can ride a unicycle? Did you bring a unicycle with you? No, you fucking do nothing. How about anything else? Is there anything like a story,

anything that your parents ever did? Or perhaps... Yeah, my stepdad was on MTV back in the day. He was on MTV? Kurt Loder? No, no. Nirvana opened for them. Pauly Shore is your stepdad? Dude, I had to cancel my show

tonight, right? A lot of people might be coming to Tony. I've been playing Baby Roulette through the 90s, bro. Yeah. Dude, I'm the Baby Roulette Grand Champion. Who's your dad?

His name's Steve Bragg. He's a band called Vomit Launch. Vomit Launch? Yeah, they broke up in like 92. Wow. I thought that show was about every girl that had their head pushed down by Brian Redband. No, that's just like a normal Friday night. That's stomach bile

It's actually a good thing Steve Bragg Is that it? End of an era Wow, yeah Anything else interesting about you or your life? Do you have any special skills or talents other than riding a unicycle?

No, I just do tattoos You do tattoos? I drink at the bar. Yeah? Well, you go down to the Red Cove a lot? I have no idea what that is. I don't live here, so... I live in Santa Barbara.

Oh, Santa Barbara. Look at you. Wow. It's like the high class area. No, I know Santa Barbara. I know what Santa Barbara is. Red Velvet. It's a real place.

I have a wine mixer there tomorrow. What does your mom do? What's the story with your mom? Currently, I don't. She works at a bakery, maybe. She was a sales rep for a long time. Oh, wow. Yeah, super exciting stuff.

She works at a bakery, huh? Yeah. Wow. This is very exciting, Seth. How about your love life? Anything interesting there? No, not so much. I mean, I guess last night we were at a work thing,

and this chick's baby daddy came up to me because she told him that we hooked up. He was like, we need to talk. Oh, yeah? I don't know about that, dude. And then what happened? Then what happened? She just dragged him away,

and me and my friends just laughed about it. And you ran away on your unicycle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need handlebars. How long have you been riding unicycles for? I think I learned when I was like 11. Wow, and you still do it? No, no. I still own it.

A black guy stole the front half of my bike. My goodness gracious. Wow. Can you go fast on the unicycle? I mean, yeah, it's just kind of like one speed really. There's no gear. Isn't it like a unicycle just like riding a bike with no

hands, like where you're just... Yeah, but way gayer. Yeah. I guess I could probably ride a unicycle. You can't ride anything, Ryan. Yeah, I can. You can't ride a fucking tricycle. You'd fall off. You have a low center of gravity there, man.

When's the last time you were on a bicycle? Like a year ago. Shut the fuck up. I have a bike. You are the weirdest liar. I have a bike. You don't have a bike. You don't even drive fuck up. I have a bike. You are the weirdest liar. I have a bike. You don't have a bike. You don't even drive your car.

You have a Tesla. You set it to auto drive. You're going to convince me that you rode a bicycle? Oh, yeah. Brian. I also rollerblade. Okay. Okay.

All right, Brian. Of all the things that you Instagram drunkenly late at night, maybe you should take one of you rollerblading or bicycling. I do. I have videos of that. Really? Yeah. I have the little GoPro camera on my helmet. Okay. Well, I think everybody would agree that we would love it if you would post some of that to your social media.

Redband on a bicycle. I'll repost it. Follow my friend, Brian Redband, everybody. The exercise king of the West. Hey, guys, I'm rollerblading in quarantine right now. I guarantee you these videos are you when you were like my weight from 12 years ago. Right?

Oh. When's the last time you were on rollerblades? A year ago for bike, and rollerblades have probably been about two years. The only person to get a flat tire on rollerblades. Oh, no. I'm just shocked. I'm just surprised to hear this. I'm surprised that you have rollerblades.

What the fuck? I'm just surprised. You go around Burbank in them? Yeah. I live in a place where there's no traffic, so it's just like fun. And no one's judging me or anything. Is that what you think?

Yeah. I could not be rollerblading in Hollywood. Those people pointing and laughing at their windows, you don't think they're judging you? Oh my god, that livestock is on rollerblades. Bob's big boy is getting ready for the X Games this year.

Those people aren't judging you. They're not judging you, Brian. They're settling out of court. Well, Seth, I mean, you are one of the all-time most boring people we've ever had in the history of the show. It's almost unbelievable.

I keep forgetting that you're actually here. It's mind-boggling. Most people do. I've literally, I've heard mannequins with pool strings on them, more diabolical characters than you. But you're good at giving tattoos. Weirdest tattoo you ever gave somebody? I tattooed crazy bitch, like right above a girl's vagina. Really?

On the other side, did it say reserved for Kobe Bryant? All right, there he goes, Seth Frost, everybody. And that is Kill Tony Ventura. We did it. Perhaps the second to last Kill Tony in front of a live audience ever. Because for some reason, about a week and a half, two weeks ago, like we normally do when a show sells out like this one, we added a second show,

which under every other circumstance in the show's history, immediately sells out. However, guess what? There's a pandemic going on. So if anybody doesn't have tickets to the second show and is excited about it, why not swing back around and come see another episode of Kill Tony

following this almost immediately. Yeah. So there you go. That's a big one. Because this very well is very easily, almost without a doubt, is coming up after this, is our last Kill Tony in front of a live audience for at least what appears to be

a couple few weeks at least. Month. How about a big hand for the leader of the band, Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. He's got a gig coming up this Saturday in Huntington Beach with Joel Berg and William Montgomery opening up for him. That's not going to be canceled.

That is a venue of less than 250 people, so it seems like that's still going to be on. March 19th and 20th, he's still on for Tempe. April 9th and 11th, he's still on for Sunnyvale Rooster Teeth Feathers, Sacramento Punchline, JeremiahWatkins.com for tickets. Sacramento, April 16th to the

18th, still on. New episode of Jeremiah Wonders out now with Stevie Weeby. Anything else that I didn't already say, Jeremiah? I've got these Milkman shirts that I'll be selling out in the front if anybody would like one of these. Size small to triple XL, so big boys, come see me. There you go. There's a

few of those out there. How about a big hand for the great Jet Ski Jessie Johnson, everybody. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. She's Jet Ski Johnson, all one word on social media. I implore you to follow

her. She's absolutely hilarious. Anything else, Jessie? Tomorrow I'm here in Ventura doing stand-up featuring for Ron her. She's absolutely hilarious. Anything else, Jessie? Tomorrow, I'm here in Ventura doing stand-up featuring for Ron Taylor. It's Jake Gallo's show at Beer Brats. Oh, that's great.

So if you guys don't have anything to do tomorrow, her and Ron Taylor are both absolutely hilarious comedians that you're going to know about for the rest of your lives.

I guarantee you if you see them tomorrow in Ventura, you will enjoy that stand-up comedy show. Hey, I didn't get to see the drawing. Look, everybody, it's Ryan J. Ebelt. Look what he did. Well, you all did nothing. He drew that. All the prints are available at ryanjebelt.com. He's unbelievable. I'll tell you who had a big breakthrough episode tonight. How about a big hand for Chroma Chris, everyone? Look at that.

Stole the show during Seth Ross' set. Who could forget classics like System of an Idiot? Chroma Chris is sponsored by Orange Amplifiers. Anything else, Chris? No, just shout-out to GNL Guitars. Shout-out to Ernie Ball. That's right. Ernie Ball, guitar strings, Some of the best in the world.

It's a big deal to be sponsored by them. Just like it's a big deal to be sponsored by Ludwig Drums. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez was here tonight, everyone. Joel's mostly sorry on social media. Anything else, Joel Berg? Nope. I love you guys. Thanks for coming out. He loves you, Ventura. Hey, guys. Look. It's David Deary. Hey,ura. Hey, guys, look, it's David Deary.

Hey, wow, look, it's the real deal, David Deary. That's the producer from Los Angeles, everybody. He makes it all possible. He very rarely gets to hang out with us. So show him some love. He's MF David Deary on social media and everything like that. Have someone else take it. You should be in it, David.

We'll have one of these buffoons take it. Ryan J. is also selling prints outside. Oh, yeah. Ryan J. has pins. He has some prints. Prints or pins? Prints. Absolutely.

And I believe there are going to be a few Tony Hinchcliffe pins for sale if anybody wants one. I do think we will touch elbows if you guys would like or something like that. I think that is germ-friendly, right? Yeah, sure. Hey, guys, check out David Lucas and William Montgomery's podcast if you haven't yet, Brothers in Cursive. It's fucking hilarious.

I love it. That's true. Thank you very much, guys. That's true. And this Monday, streaming live, if anybody's out of work early at 5 p.m., you could be the first to know right now that we are doing the Kill Tony podcast out of the original room at the Comedy Store

with zero audience members. So set a reminder on your phone, 5 p.m. in the Monday early evening, an episode of Kill Tony, retrospective live stream, dead crowd episode of Kill Tony. Retrospective live stream, dead crowd episode of Kill Tony. I almost called you Bakersfield. Ventura, we love you so much. Thank you guys so much for coming out.

Have a good night, everybody.素敵なアハルラララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララねえそう頑張らなくちゃカンプレッション カンプレッション お揃いのTシャツララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララララあそこにレジのシートなななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななななご視聴ありがとうございました