KILL TONY - KILL TONY #450 – QUARANTINED #5

Episode Date: April 17, 2020

David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Joel Jimenez, Jessie Johnson, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 04/13/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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we're always by your side. Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number one rated online broker by Money Sense. Get started today at Questrade.com. Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions to the shows. You could also click on tour dates to find out where we're at next. We have a bunch of new shows being rescheduled every day, so check it out. I know that Miami, Florida is going to be July 31st through August 1st. Then we have Skankfest Houston. It's been moved to September 25th through the 26th. Then we have Kill Tony Mania. It returns to Sacramento October 14th and 15th. San Francisco for Kill Tony Mania 16th, 17th, and 18th. And then Tacoma, Washington has been moved October 30th through the 31st.

Go to DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates for the latest updates. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. That's the official website of Tony Hinchcliffe. And he has tour dates and he has some merch there. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist. He draws every episode. He drew the book.

He has posters. And he has a huge sale going on right now. So go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, ShopSquad.TV. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. And you also have the Kill Tony shirt there. Go to ShopSquad.TV. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey guys, this is Red Band, and this is Kill Tony. Here's Tony Henscliff right there. Hello, everybody, and welcome. Here we are, another beautiful day, another fun episode of Kill Tony coming at you. This is the real deal. We are streaming live. Brian Redband is here. We are in studio at the great Betterbox Studios. And we are streaming live on YouTube.com slash Kill Tony. So that's a real thing. So go there and watch it live sometimes. We're at Betterbox Studios. We just ate a bunch of delicious Vito's pizza.

I look forward to it every week. Me too. It's unbelievable. What was that one you made today with the chicken and the peppers? Yeah, chicken serrano. Chicken serrano pizza. It had what felt like some of that Tabasco jalapeno type of serrano. Oh, so good.

My goodness. Unbelievable. Go buy yourself a candle at damngoodco.com. Get a candle. There's a bunch of good ones. Take a picture of the candle. Tag Kill Tony on Instagram on the stories, and we'll repost it. So that's exciting stuff.

The candles are going like crazy. They actually almost ran out of their inventory this week. Send in the pictures. That's the motto around here. Send in the pictures. The great Ryan J. Ebelt will be drawing. He is drawing. He's probably already started,

at least my guess is some type of scribble is down on paper right now because he draws every episode, all the prints, posters of every episode of every show including the road shows are all available for sale at ryanjebelt.com and he's having a massive sale right now on sale everything's on sale i have a bunch of ryan j e-belt artwork all around my place brought a few of them here are a couple of my favorites that's's my favorite one right there. Classic. I got that right next to my red neon clock. I go to the frame store. I ask the frame people for a nice frame, and they frame them nice. Spend an extra few bucks, then it looks great forever. It's like an adult thing that you never did until you grow up. You never think about framing something when

you're a kid. Now it's the best part. Now the whole thing isn't complete until you go to the frame store. You take one of the little corner pieces you match it up you look at everything like a goddamn adult get your life framed people get it together oh boy a bunch of kill tonys on the road we were supposed to be doing we were supposed to be in boston this past weekend miami the weekend before that those all got rescheduled it looks like right now now, July 31st and August 1st at the Miami Improv Combo shows where Tony Hinchcliffe is headlining. Wow, that sounds exciting. I wonder what he'll be talking about that weekend.

And Kill Tony shows after all of those. The fun thing is that October, booming, man. Very exciting stuff. The Road to Kill Tony Mania in Sacramento is back October 14th, 15th in Mania, 16th, 17th, and 18th of October as of now. Also, Bakersfield is in there right on the way. We might be doing a show in Bakersfield and then continuing on to Sacramento just straight through. I have a nice little short, maybe three and a half hour, four hour drive to Sacramento instead of that long one. Uh, yeah. Tacoma,

Washington, October 30th and 31st, November 19th, Washington, DC and the 20th and the 21st. Incredible. Blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. September 16th through the 19th moon tower has been rescheduled for that is beautiful. Um, Austin, Texas and other fun stuff. believe november is also uh maybe

skank fest south i don't know what's going on this is all we'll all see what'd you do this week anything fun same i got tested for corona today uh i got negative test results wow that was fun now now i kind of feel bad because i kind of wish I had it already. And, you know, it was fine. Nothing's flattening your curves, my friend. I saw that you've been mastering your flight simulator program. Yep. Flying like a mother. Just landing, challenging myself.

I fly like a pilot now. I score with pilots. That's great. I'm scoring better than pilots sometimes. Have you seen the, I guess, is it Microsoft Flight Simulator? I don't know if it's out yet. The new one that's about to come out using Google Maps technology. Yeah, there's a bunch of them that are very, very, very realistic.

I'm excited to see how that one comes out with the Google Maps thing. Because Google Maps doesn't even fucking work for me in real life. So I doubt it's going to work for me in real life so i doubt it's gonna work for me on flight simulator i hate google maps i hate google maps and i hate uh what's the one ways i don't believe ways i think ways is like a conspiracy you're funny because you're one of the few people i know that actually hate google maps and ways but if you love apple maps i know i love it i swear by apple. Because I know Apple Maps is wrong sometimes, but I can read when they're wrong. If Waze is wrong, you're fucked. You're on a one-way fucking off course.

You can't get back on. Waze is a bunch of, there's a bunch of drama people on there that are like, I just saw a police officer and there's an accident. And they don't know where the shit is. They dropped the pins in the wrong places. In LA, I don't buy, I'm not into Waze. Bunch of morons out here with too much power. Waze gives the people power to decide where they think something's happening. I can't get into it. And then you got all the people on Waze listening to the people on Waze and those people are all going the same direction. They're all, all right. Look, let's be serious here.

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We're in tonight's episode. It has already begun. As with all of these quarantine episodes, no guests in studio. We are all practicing social distancing, just like you should all be doing the same at home. Very exciting to announce that the band is here, though, all separated from us from what is considered by federal and state law to be a safe distance away from one another. We are essential workers, and these guys are an essential part of the team. Every episode, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They've been preparing around

the corner here for 15 minutes saying, do not come out, whatever you do. We are getting ready. We don't know what they're going to be. Last week, they were a couple of weeks ago, they were the cast of Tiger King. Last week, they were a bunch of European tourists. So let's all find out what they are this week. Maybe it's the return of famous characters we've seen before. Maybe they're brand new, like they have been the last couple of weeks. Let's find out what they are. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the best damn band in the land, the Kill Tony Band, Jeremiah Watkins, Jesse Johnson, and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez.

Whoa! Oh, hey! I know these guys. It's the gangsters. It's me, Tony. How are you? Oh, you're new. I know these guys, but you, you're brand new.

Look at this. Hello. How you doing, Tony? Hey, what's happening? Remind me your name. Vinnie Mancino. This is my lovely mother to my right over here. Lucia.

Mother, say hello. Hello. Oh, it's an honor to be. Thank you for having me, Vinny, on the show. Wow. I love Italian mothers so much. I was just talking to mine yesterday. You call her?

Yeah. You called her yesterday. Yeah. You hear that? Yeah, that's nice. I'm sorry. I didn't call you today. I'm kidding.

He's a great son. What's your name one more time? Lucia. Lucia. Lucia. Lucia Mencino. Yeah, you can call me mom. Okay, I'll call you mom.

That's beautiful, Lucia. Welcome to the show, Vinny. Good to see you again. Welcome back. Where were you on the road last time I saw you? Yeah, I was, you know, over in Vancouver a little bit. I came back to the States. I saw Tiffany Haddish here.

Oh, wow. Yeah, it was the last time I was with you guys. My goodness, that is incredible. I mean, you're one of the few characters on this show whose hairline gets more and more forward every time I see you. It's the Italian way! Hey, I love that. I love that. And back here, clearly, we have one of the characters from Scarface.

The name's Rocco Fantini, Tony. Rocco Fantini. Yeah, let me just say the show starts on time when that Tiffany woman's not here. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I absolutely know what you're saying. Eight o'clock on the dot. And that's all I'm going to say.

On the dot. Now, Rocco, remind me of something about you. Are you just a normal Italian guy? I don't say nothing. I don't see nothing. All right. All right. Don't don't say nothing. All right. All right. Don't ask me no questions.

All right. You guys look fantastic. I absolutely love you. I just got my mom out of Italy so she could get here in the States. I don't think that's exactly how you're supposed to do it. Yeah, I took her out of Italy. She's here with us now. Nice and healthy and strong.

Have you guys had any symptoms or anything like that? No, nothing more than the normal. But, you know, I try to give him a hug. I try to give him a kiss. now nice and healthy and strong have you guys had any symptoms or anything like that though nothing more than the normal but i you know i try to give him a hug i try to give him a kiss he says no corona i can't mom i can't yeah it's likely story ah don't even give his own mother a hug you believe that ah is that true vinny no open mouth kiss her right now i don't care did you get your mother out of italy before you were born because she sounds like she grew up in Brooklyn, man. Rocco Fantini. I'm losing my mind.

Throwing a square. You keep my mother out of your mouth. I'm just trying to throw the feds off. We got Gage and Anthony in the booth. What is it? Strange time underscore? Strange taste underscore. Engage underscore

T-I-J-E-R-I-N-A T-I-J-E-R-I-N-A We have amazing Gino is across the studio from us. We have the great Charlie from Vito's Pizza. Those are two good boys, Gino and Charlie. That's right. Vito's Pizza, yum.

That is good, authentic pizza. Where's my camera? We right. Vito's Pizza, yum. That is good, authentic pizza. Where's my camera? That's right. We fucking love Vito's Pizza. It is absolutely incredible. If you're anywhere near the L.A. area, order Vito's. Google it. Vito's Pizza.

Exciting stuff. Shall we begin, ladies and gentlemen? What are you guys saying? Here we are in episode number five of Quarantine Kill Tony. So here we go. I have no idea the people that are coming up. I actually do recognize

a couple of the names, but I did not select them. Our good friends Gage and Anthony go through the submissions each week and they have created a list. They have a bunch of sets that have been pre-recorded that we're going to listen to of what people have written it's not really you know what's the email also a lot of people have been asking me it's uh kill tony quarantine at gmail.com yep that's right

so now you have for next week um and uh yeah so then we interview them afterwards sort of like a normal episode of Kill Tony. But I would say that, you know, timing and pacing during the performance part doesn't really matter because it's almost impossible to measure what that would be like in front of a live audience. So it's more like a sort of like a writing and speaking showcase, I would say. Well, let's get it started. Your first comedian, a one word name. This is going to be the comedy stylings of Sam. Here he is, Sam, everyone.

I'm currently the executive director at a nursing home during the coronavirus. Not ideal. The building is a dementia-certified unit. Dementia's sad, but it has some positives. I recently learned some new magic tricks. I do the trick and they're like, where'd the ball go? Where'd you come from? Another guy goes, hey, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice. I'm going to find out if you're naughty or nice. if I do two tricks This guy is going to turn into Santa Getting old isn't fun My Instagram used to have girls in bikinis Now they're all married with kids

And it looks like I just follow babies I didn't always want to run a nursing home When I was 10 I wanted to be a truck driver Get paid to see the country Then I hit puberty Still wanted to be a truck driver, get paid to see the country. Then I hit puberty. Still wanted to be a truck driver, get paid to masturbate. There you go.

A minute from Sam. Nailed it. That is amore indeed. Sam, how are you, my man? Doing good. Doing good. Doing good. Awesome. I love it.

Heck yeah. Where are you talking to us from? Outside of Boston on the South Shore. Lovely. And what do you do again? You're a nurse or an executive what? I'm an executive director at a nursing home, so I run a nursing home. Wow.

Can you take care of my mother for me over here? Hey, come on. Don't do that. He brought his mother, Lucci, all the way from Italy here, but don't worry about her. We got her in good company here. So you are just outside of Boston. What are we talking about? Swansea?

No, north of that. Okay. Good. Somewhere in between Boston and the Cape. Okay. Very good. And so what's it like? Smurf Village? You look like you have a little Smurf house going on there. Yeah, there is. It's adorable. You're in your parents' attic? No, I'm in

our third bedroom. Good to see you. I was wondering what the Mario Brothers were up to during the quarantine. Three bedrooms, you're making a lot of money locking up all these old people, huh? My, easy. So let's get right into it. You're at the nursing home. How many people are sick there?

What's it like right now? My building right now has none. We got ahead of everything. It's been a crazy month and a half, but we're trucking along. Every day is something new, but we're getting through it. Well, there you go. Have you ever done stand-up comedy before? I did an open mic once this year, but I'd like to get on stage. The baby joke is great, man. That made me chuck a laugh out loud.

Yeah, it made us all laugh out loud. You got a full studio laughing. That's right. When did you try it? Right before my 30th birthday in October. In October. Yeah. And then all of this happened.

But you didn't go back immediately? Did it go okay for you um it was all right it was a small crowd but um how long of a set did you do like five minutes uh a little under that but yeah yeah that makes sense where'd you do it at it was great um in cambridge at the middle east okay that's a dangerous place to perform. A lot of people bomb in the Middle East. Come on. It's hysterical. It's hysterical. Thank you. The mother loved it.

Lucia loved my Middle East bombing joke. Baby bombing. Do you ever try your material on the old dementia ladies at your nursing home? Yeah, from time to time I do. They laugh and then they forget what they were laughing at. Hey! Forget about it. So, that's pretty hard, right?

How long have you been doing that for? A few years. Yeah, and you watch people go, right? When you form a bond with somebody, they slowly wither away, basically, right? I watch people go, but in a different way. You know what I'm saying? Because he kills them yeah it was uh it was a tough job before this happened and uh now now we got our hands full it's so wild that uh that nobody's had it it almost seems like at this point you're in the clear because you're not letting visitors into the nursing home or anything like

that right nobody can really come in and contaminate the place except him yeah that's i can get the gas station and bring it in i don't know i trust this guy this guy wore goggles and a mask for his 60 seconds i trust guy looks like a sexy edgar allen poe yeah there's a nursing home in burbank that uh somehow one person got in with it and gave it to like 12 people oh that's what happens that's what happens those old people are fucking like banshees you ever catch old people fucking at the nursing home uh yeah don't you tell you rat you freaking rat what what did you see what what was going on in there what it smelled like gold bonds you get a couple uh you get a couple people forming bonds um in their in their later years and um you you get viagra and all all sorts of stuff to keep it going they're forming

bonds you mean gold bonds this guy whispers his best jokes to me i already made a gold bond joke like two minutes ago the most backwards fucking filter. He says stuff out loud. It's all right. And meanwhile, he whispers the funniest things at the perfect time. He also whispered to me, what do you call James Bond in a nursing home? Bond. Gold Bond. How you doing?

What are we doing here? Come on. He whispered that to me. Where's Joey? No shoes. I missed him. Oh, my God. What ethnicity are you, Sam?

Lebanese. Oh, very good. The Italians and you, Sam? Lebanese. Oh, very good. The Italians and the Lebanese are very close. No, very close. Italian light, you know? Yeah, there's a lot of respect between the two cultures. I know. That's like Sarah that you met with my father. My father's Lebanese.

Lebanese as it gets. That's a Lebanese woman. Which means you like girls. No, that's lesbianese. That's a Lebanese woman. Which means you like girls. No, that's lesbian-ese. That's a different thing. Okay. Lesbanon. You're from Lesbanon.

Yeah, Lesbanon. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what you're talking about. It's a country full of gay women. What are we doing? All right, all right. Is that your bedroom? No, it's not.

No, he green screened the dorm room behind him. You have three bedrooms yourself? I live with my wife. Oh, wow. My wife. See out there on the outskirts of Boston, you can have a fucking three bedroom house with a normal job. Anywhere outside of LA.

Yeah. Sort of. Yeah, it's great. I made a little music room and we have a kid coming. Oh, you have a kid coming. Are you jerking them off or what that's beautiful boy boy boy or girl don't know don't know wow if it's a you know if it's a if it's a son maybe name him covid i don't know that's a weird time to have a kid like uh are you

still able to go to like the nurses and doctors and get tests and shit that you usually have to get? I can't go, but my wife can. Well, obviously, they wouldn't send you home. You know, when you have the help, when's the child coming? September. September. Tony wants to see a kid come for the first time. Come on, what are we doing? Come on.

I believe that, no, I just want to say that I do believe that we have a good few options here if you're looking for a godfather for your child. Maybe Vinny or Rocco. What makes you guys think, if you guys had to give a pitch on why you should be the godfather, what would be your pitch? Listen, I'm well connected. Your son with me won't turn out to be a little... You know what I mean?

He'll be a real guy. Really give it to the ladies. Look, I'll make sure he doesn't hang out in the black neighborhood. That's what I'm saying. That's all. I don't know. I'm giving this one to Rocco. What do you think, Sam? It's a close one. I think I'm going with Rocco.

I love this guy! He did a sign up. This guy! You keep your mouth one. I think I'm cool with that. I love this guy! He did it so nice. This guy! You keep your mouth shut! I love it! That is awesome. Anything else crazy we should know about you, Sam? About your life or your history?

Were you born with webbed toes or anything like that? No, pretty straightforward. I worked for Aerosmith for a year uh right out of college which was uh which was pretty neat they're they're kind of from around this area so wow what uh what did you put them in a nursing home yo it's my mom's right there oh wow what did you do with aerosmith i was an assistant engineer so uh kind of like a gopher but uh you know did whatever i need to set up the studio every morning any good stories that you remember like something crazy that happened um it was just the

every day was was pretty wild um they're all really really nice guys i worked face to face with them all day and and they worked really hard. Working face-to-face is a scary way to work with Steven Tyler. Hey, you ever take a nap on those luscious lips of his? What are we talking about here? Were you crying when you met him, and now you're trying to forget him? Yes. Listen, you ever work with Bon Jovi?

No. Then I don't care. My goodness. That is so cool. Well, Sam, it was so nice to meet you. Very, very funny. Thank you very much. Definitely keep it up.

And when this quarantine ends, go do some sets, man. The 60 seconds that you chose, very funny. Appreciate it. Thank you, guys. There you go. Sam, everybody. It's Kill Tony, Dave. It's all happening.

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So growing up as a redhead ginger, you get name called and bullied, yada yada, but you also get asked a million times do the curtains match the drapes? And the answer is no, not really. Because if they did, then I would have the hair of Annie putting a fork in a light socket.

So, my drapes do not match the curtains. I also always got hit on by black guys which I mean it's whatever nothing weird but I think I've come to the conclusion why I got hit on by black guys more than white guys and that's because if you rearrange gingers, you get... Wow. Wow. Wow. Sarah, after... My God, even the cat

tried to stop you from doing that N-word joke. That was incredible. Yikes. Hello, Sarah. Howah how are you good how are y'all i can't quite oh now now i can hear you hi sarah how's it going hi good how are y'all good you have such an adorable country twang where are you um right outside of charlotte north carolina oh charlotte north carolina absolutely doodly right by the speedway am i right yeah pretty close yeah no doubt about it i could tell just from the dialect uh that's awesome what do you do for workout in charlotte i'm a pest control technician

oh business is booming out there i got a couple rats i need you to take care of for me all right red band's got an entire angry cat board in front of them your cat was very very funny uh we would like to give it uh your cat is the first ever golden ticket winner in the quarantine. Cat wanted you at the ice house. Just got booked at the mice house. Boom. Fucking jinxed on it. So you have at least one cat.

What's the dog back there? What's that scrappy little fellow? That's Kimber. I've got three cats and two dogs. Wow. Look at that that you live by yourself yeah yeah oh nice no uh no no boyfriend or husband or anything like that no i'm happily divorced oh how long were you married for uh right at two years two years and how long you've been divorced for um it was a year in january wow so interesting why what what made it uh what made it end what happened there um i grew up and he didn't he was just a lazy drunk yeah type of thing

yeah that happens and i just say say, if you want your curtains to match your drapes, I can punch you in the pussy real quick! Oh my god, Vinny. Vinny, where did you learn how to talk like that? I'm sorry, Ma. I forgot you were in my presence. In front of your own mother. Unbelievable. He's a good boy.

So once you got divorced a year ago, what happened? Did you start dating? Did you get out there, or do you just sort of lay low? I've only dated one guy last summer. I've just been too busy with my job. And like, I just bought my house a couple months ago. So awesome. That guy that you met, what happened there?

Do you meet him on a dating site or something or just organically? Yeah, I met him on a dating site or something or just organically yeah i met him on a dating site and um he ended up being a little cuckoo was it farmers only no bumble why was he cuckoo what was cuckoo about him um so he was really big into conspiracy stuff which was cool but he like lived for it he was really big into conspiracy stuff, which was cool, but he lived for it. He was very obsessed with it. And then he broke up with me because I woke him up to a blowjob and I disrespected him, is what he told me. Oh my God. Okay, I don't know how to tell you this but this guy was a

little light malofas if you know what i'm saying okay if i've ever been woken up with a blow job i'm like thank you where did you learn this vinny you're mine forgot you're still here mother's sitting right next to you you're gonna give to give me a broken heart. Oh, my God. You woke him up with a blowjob. Wow. He must have thought, like, someone lit his lap on fire or something like that when he looked down and just saw your... He waited until the next day to break up with me and told me I disrespected him. Oh, that's even worse than...

That's even worse than anything. Did he... Wait, let me ask you this. Did he let you finish the blowjob? Well, we had sex after. Oh, man. What? That means he was definitely something else is going on, right?

I guess. And then he, like, ghosted me, so. Yeah, there was somebody else. Wow. That had a better blowjob mouth no okay these people don't judge her blowjob i'm sure she's good she's got one of those down south blowjobs those are i mean yeah i mean she gives redhead you know what i'm talking about blowjobs fire you think he would have liked it. It was an inside job.

That's right. It wasn't the first time, so I don't know. Wow. My God. This guy's personality is flatter than the earth. The curvature of the earth, because he's a conspiracy theorist. He should have said Eddie Bravo. On a scale from one to a thousand,

he gives that blowjob a 9-11. You made one tower fall that day. His penis. Mom, why you gotta explain it in front of my friends over here? What are you doing? I forgot you were here, Vinny. I got jokes too.

I got jokes too? Oh my God. You're a beautiful young lady lady you could do so much better absolutely that's why i agree you got that country style you got a big ass house all to yourself you look like wendy from the you the wendy's girl that makes brian you know that's i've heard i've heard brian redman say a lot of things that might be the fattest thing I've ever heard him say. It really is. It's incredible.

He speaks in food. He weighs things out on the McDonald's metric system. Hey, Wendy. Yeah. Anyway. So what do you do for fun, Sarah? Well, I like to go to comedy shows, and i've been to a lot of ufc fights i was supposed to be going to new york this weekend for 249 but yeah i was at one point also supposed to go to new york this weekend for 249 yeah it's very sad times yes it is what have you been doing in the quarantine to uh keep yourself occupied well i'm still working um so but when i get home i just i've been playing call

of duty and oh what seems like a perfect girl i know know. This is incredible. Red band is... Blowjobs at night and plays Call of Duty when she gets off work. Wait, no. We're in the morning, Brian. But that's when Brian wakes up. Is that right? What is morning? Good morning.

It's 10 p.m. You can give Brian one of those wake-up blowjobs when you get home from work at 5.30. That is incredible. So you work with bugs and rats and all that stuff like that. Have you ever found something that... I mean, that's disgusting to me. You don't care with dead rats everywhere and shit like that? It doesn't faze you.

No, and I mostly deal with new construction homes, so I don't care, like, with dead rats everywhere and shit like that? It doesn't faze you. No, and I mostly deal with, like, new construction homes, so I don't really see too much. Like, I see a snake here and there or some termites, but that's about it. That's incredible. What's your least favorite pest? There must be something that makes you squirm a little bit, right? My least favorite pest is a bug. Spiders.

Spiders? Yeah. Right. You never get over spiders. Yeah, you hate bugs because the FBI is bugging your place. You get it. There you go. I wanted to make sure that got out clean.

I hate spiders, too. I knew a kid. I made him dance. I shot at his feet. It's a good fella's joke. Yep. Absolutely. It's just incredible what's going on with your dog back there.

Has anyone ever told you your dog looks like an older version of Liam Neeson? You guys want to take turns roasting the dog? Look at him. That's a cute dog. No, I know. He's adorable. I said he looked like a human. That's like a compliment in dog world. We can't roast the dog more than the Chinese would.

You know what I'm saying? Hey, come on. That is incredible. Anything else crazy about your life, Sarah? Any wacky hobbies that we'd be surprised to know or anything? You had a parent that had one arm or something?

No, nothing crazy I can really think of interesting interesting i'm a twin that's about it oh there's a sister out there or brother sister wow sisters or brothers in my neighborhood you know what i'm saying oh god rocco you're so racist uh and you guys are identical twins? No. The only thing we have in common is our red hair. You guys both have red hair.

Yeah. I look like my mom. She looks like my dad. Oh. I was like, what's up? Well, I mean, like, none. That's how it's named. She has a mustache and a nice dick. Adam's apple.

My goodness. So, Sarah, you ever do a stand-up comedy before? No, I haven't. I mean, I've just been listening, like, to this podcast religiously for the past year and have kind of been thinking of things here and there. And there's not a lot of stand-up around charlotte or gastonia so that is true charlotte has the comedy zone inside that hotel right yeah well inside the mexican restaurant oh yeah it is a mexican restaurant sort of isn't it it's like a haunted

house vibe everything goes black and it's all it's all like welcome to the comedy zone everything goes black that's when i get out of there oh my god rocco you're out of control all right do you have any other crazy redhead traits is uh you have you have like a lower tolerance for pain or anything like that yeah yeah yeah huh lower tolerance to pain and like the dentist, they always have to use extra numbing for cavities or when I got a root canal and all that fun stuff. Damn right. Well, I love it.

Well, Sarah, thank you so much for participating and you were so much fun to interview. And I loved the cat and the falling off and you're, you're, you're taking a chance on an N-word joke. Hard to pull off. But you and the cat as a tag team did it together.

It was awesome. Thank you so much. Sarah Hefner, everybody. Bye, Sarah. She's on social media. At gingers underscore anatomy. That's gingers underscore anatomy. She has to have a deep secret, right?

Is that what you call it? A secret? I mean, that thing is deep for sure. Waking up guys with blowjobs and playing Call of Duty and he breaks up with her? What the fuck? It's like, there's just that area, man. It's like people, you know, I don't know. It's a bunch of tough guys around there. Just like, oh man, I can never get a girl like that to love me.

You know what I mean? Like either they don't have the confidence for a girl like that, or they think they're better maybe than a girl like that, which they're probably not. Cause everybody in that area, it's like all about blondes, like blonde bimbos, you know,

not for everybody, obviously, but you know, like the stereotype of like, Oh, that's what I want. I want the cheerleading captain. And she doesn't look like the cheerleading captain. She looks like,

you know, the hot chick at Hogwarts or something like that. What are you thinking, Vinny? Am I going on too long for you? What the hell's wrong with the blonde bimbo, huh? Hey, I mean, I don't know if that's what you're into. I'll tell you what's wrong with the blonde. You're not going to bring home a daughter to me. Mom, how many times do I got to tell you?

They're not whores. They're girlfriends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll talk about it later. All right. We have a regular on this show. We have three of them, actually. We're going to talk to them tonight, starting right now.

We have the great David Lucas on the line. David. David Lucas. Hi, David. How's it going, man? What up, dog? What's up? How's it going, dude?

What's shaking out there? The lowest angle in the West. Hey, Tony, I heard yesterday you went Easter dick hunting. Oh, wait. Why did I go Easter dick hunting? How did you find out about that? Yeah, I took them and I put them all in my booty hole Easter basket. You had dildo shaped peeps. I love it.

Yeah, no, yesterday must have been different, not so different from you than every other day, because you're always looking for eggs that you've left around your house. Because you're overweight. You didn't color your eggs, you colored your dick. That's true. I colored my dick. Somebody say colored!

We all on a pizza restaurant? That's Roccocco on the drums he's a little bit racist oh yeah what did you do to celebrate uh easter do you do anything do you eat some ham what'd you do no you know you know uh meat brad fucking took some uh cbd edibles turn your phone sideways yeah what are you doing yeah there it is what was he doing before it's just ver it was vertical and bad now it's good you had some cbd edibles wow how many from speedweed nah uh my sponsor elevate oh okay there you go. How much edibles are we talking about? Are we talking about... I think it was like 100 milligrams.

Wow. That's a lot. That's a lot. Oh, that's why I was on cloud nine. That's a lot, but for your weight, that's not that much. You're on cloud nine. Jeez. Filled with helium.

What did you do for Easter, Tony? Nothing. Drove out to the ocean. You didn't put on your Easter suit? Yeah, no, of course. I actually wake up in my Easter suit. I have a tradition where I put my Easter suit on the night before, before I go to bed.

It's filled. I got dick holes and booty holes hanging out of uh my pocket it's just i have an array of dildos and booty holes and um and i have a dildo wait what you're just lying now i said tony got fucked by a nigga in a rabbit suit all right yeah they hurt more the second time you said it i'm gonna be honest i was gonna say I said Tony got fucked by a nigga in a rabbit suit. All right. Yeah, it hurt more the second time you said it. I'm going to be honest. I was going to say the exact same thing.

But I can't. I guess Tony is bifurious. You know what I'm saying? That's true. I am. I like to hop around every once in a while. So you've been walking a lot. Jeremiah looked like he invented breadsticks.

Yeah, and it looks like you ate them all you fat boy these italians don't take it easy hey i get your deep dish pizza smelling ass about here i take that as a compliment yo you get your deep dish ass smelling out of here. You can see life's fat chicks. Alright. So I've been watching you on Instagram. You've been walking a lot. You've been walking miles and miles and miles every single day. Do you have a scale at your apartment? Nah, bro. I just measure by how my clothes fit.

They're getting big on me. Go to the truck stop. Oh, wow. Who said that? Who said that? Who said that? Who said that? Red Band got you on that one out of nowhere. Come on.

Red Band, if you ever shut your goddamn hairbrush built body ass up. Hairbrush built. You know how hairbrushes be big up top and skinny up the bottom? I like that one. I always like it. Red band shape. Red band shape like a bag of blood. A pack of blood.

I love that. Red crossbody ass. Oh, my God. Wow. So you don't have a scale. You're measuring yourself. You said that you're probably losing weight by how your clothes fit. Your clothes are getting bigger.

Yeah. So when I started exercising before, like a year and a half, two years ago, I focused too much on weight loss. before, like a year and a half, two years ago, I focused too much on weight loss. So now I'm just focusing more on being healthy and doing healthier things, making healthier choices. So I'm not like I'm focused on being healthier. And then the weight loss will be a byproduct of me being healthier instead of just strictly focusing on the weight. On your Instagram yesterday, I saw two little pots of macaroni and cheese in the oven. Were those both for you? No, nigga.

I got a brother who needs to eat. Oh. When you say brother, what are you talking about? He's already black, Rocco. It doesn't matter. That's twice as bad. Right. That's a double homicide.

Yeah, man. You got a brother that's a brother? Is that your cilantro smelling ass? His brother. Cilantro pizza eating ass up. Oh, my goodness. You're out of control. You've been roasting people, I believe, daily on Instagram. You and I went at it pretty wildly the other night.

Yes. That was pretty dope, man. Yeah, I was zonked out of my mind. And we sang a few songs together. I'm smoking so much pot as of late. I say that like an undercover audio slave yeah we were singing i told him the other night he puts the slave in audio slave solid joke thank you yeah anything else crazy in life happening david what else is shaking anything on the horizon or anything like that tony you put the

a in gay oh come on you put the Y in gay. All right. Your parents are healthy. You can't spell Tony without spelling booty hole. That's not true. Yo, that's a fact. That's not true either way you say it.

That's just simply not true. There's no N in booty hole. Hey, there's no N anywhere near me. I'll tell you that. Do your gay fact checker online. Dickopedia, you know what I'm saying? Oh, my God. I'm sure if you take Tony Hinchcliffe with your middle name,

you can get KY Jelly out of that. Oh, my God. You put the jelly in KY Jelly. He puts the peanut butter. All right. He puts the cocoa butter in the basket. Or else it gets the hose again. All right.

Hose is spelled H-O. Get out of my neighborhood. All right. Everybody healthy, dog. My daughter told me that she hates the coronavirus. Aw, that's so cute. How old is your daughter again? 27.

They don't understand being quarantined. I hate the coronavirus. That is adorable. Brian, don't ever do the voice of a black woman again. Never again. Automatic, automatic, non. looks like that table wine is kicking in you know what i'm saying hashtag table wine somebody called bill maher because we have a new rule around here uh oh my goodness what do you think about that thing that happened this week

uh with bill maher saying that uh we should totally be allowed to call it the China virus? You think that's allowed, David Lucas? It's always interesting. You're the rare black conservative-leaning comedian that I know. I mean, bro, they did call the Spanish flu the Spanish flu. When Ebola dropped, did you see how hard they were hitting Africa? About that's where it came from. Hell yeah.

And then over there in China, bro, they fucking kicking Africans out. Yep. And beating them and shit. So it's like, man, call that shit the Chinese flu, dog. Damn right. Yeah, I agree. Fuck that. Guess we have more in common with the Chinese than just pasta.

You know what I'm saying? All right. Okay. Nah, Joe. That ain't it, dog. Well, David, you look great, man. You're glowing. I don't know what's going on there.

Thanks, bro. Something's happening. You swallowed a fucking candle like a jack-o'-lantern. All right. You're smiling. You finally seem like you're all caught up and rested since that crazy trip to New York and Atlanta and all that stuff. You're out there flying. Oh, man.

Yes, dog. No, but for real, though, dog, like, when I got back from New York, I was just on edge for, like, 15, 16 days because every time I felt a little something different in my body, I'm like, ah, shit, that's it. You know? And I didn't want to be responsible for fucking killing my mom. So there was a lot of stress going on coming back from there. You know what I'm saying? 100%.

Absolutely. Can you imagine being on edge for two weeks? Yeah. No, it's been crazy. Edge of the seat? Anyway. I don't know.

All right, David, you're the man thank you so much everybody follow david lucas funny on uh social media and uh he roasts people every day on instagram david lucas everyone there he goes All right. Fun stuff. So let's just keep it moving along, everyone. Our next comedian goes by the name of Omar Chirkawi. Omar Chirkawi. Hey, here's Omar.

Hi, my name is Omar. I'm from Morocco. Yeah, man, this's Omar. Hi, my name is Omar. I'm from Morocco. Yeah, man, this corona shit, it's been tough. It's been a tough couple of weeks on everybody. I've been in self-isolation now for about six, seven years. This is nothing new. I've been doing this shit. If anything else, it's a little bit funny to me how people cannot wait to leave

their houses and it's only been a month. And I just realized I rarely leave this room. How is that for social distancing? That is peak social distancing. It's like that movie Inception, A Dream Within a Dream. This is self-isolation within self-isolation. I'm not going to lie, I'm not a master at it yet. I'm trying to get into that third level. You know, a dream within a dream within a dream. I have the apartment,

the room. All I can see is that closet in my room. Maybe I'll be living in there for a while. Although that's a little bit on the floor. Wow, Omar Maybe I'll be living in there for a while. Although that's a little bit. Wow. Omar. Sure.

Cow. Hell yeah. All right. Omar. Hello. You're in Morocco, huh? Yes,

sir. Heck yeah. I always love it. I love it. When we're, when we talk to people from around the world that's what a lot of the listeners have been saying they want to hear more Rocco this episode

you're Rocco I know but it's in North Africa and I can't get behind that look what he has on the wall though he's got some godfather he's got the L, though. He's got some Godfather. He's got the Godfather. He's got the Lakers. I love that. That is very nice.

Half of it's good. Yo, Vinny. Yeah. Hey, how you doing? Hey, that's a great poster. I like that a lot. How you doing, man? Can you take your hat off real quick?

Why? Rocco wants you to take your hat off. Wow, Eric Griffin looks great. Wait for the Eric Griffin. Griffin, we're Griffin, yeah. All right, that's enough. Less is more, guys. Less is more.

Yeah, tell that to your face. That doesn't make any sense. That literally doesn't make any sense. Are you working algebra problems out there on your whiteboard? What's going on back there? Yeah, I'm a teacher. I teach civil engineering. And now with the corona i you know i record the

lessons and i send them to students wow that's so cool this is what teachers are like in morocco you'd be a student here in america there you're a civil engineering teacher are you really a Lakers fan? Why the Lakers? I used to the first basketball related stuff I watched was Kobe and from that moment on I was like a Lakers fan. Ah, heck yeah.

Interesting stuff. I live 15 minutes away from Staples Center and I'm not even a Lakers fan. It's incredible that you're on the other side of the world. Yeah. Are you a basketball fan at all? Yeah. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. He is. What's the main sport there though? Right. Soccer, right? Yes.

Football, football, not soccer. Right. Of course. Indeed. Do you play any sports? I used to play basketball, but i am too short for it how about hobbies what do you do for fun nowadays i just uh i just watch movies you

know uh netflix and stuff series i watched recently the first time I watched Taxi Driver, and I got some weird vibes from it, because it looks like the Joker, the Joaquin Phoenix Joker, and it's weirded me out. It was weird. Don't you see the resemblance between Taxi Driver and the Joker of Joaquin Phoenix? Without a doubt, yes. There's sort of a method behind that the the current joker was based loosely based off of martin scorsese's uh the comedian movie was that it king of comedy king of comedy and that was made by scorsese right after or before he made Taxi Driver.

So it's all right there within the same realm. Oh, so you're a teacher in Morocco, but if you come to New York, you're going to be a taxi driver. You know what I'm saying? I don't think so. I speak English. You just got word from the listeners that now they want less Rocco instead of more Rocco. You could move to less Rocco. He's breaking your balls, Rocco. It's alright, man.

Interesting. So you have a wedding ring on your left. Yeah, go ahead. Can I just say, Mrs. Lucia, how you doing? I'm sorry, Vinny. I'm sorry, Vinny. You better watch your mouth, alright? My husband's a very powerful man. Your husband's a very powerful man.

Your husband's still alive? Yes, yes. He's alive in our hearts. Oh, wow. I mean, my God. Not at all. How long ago did he pass away? It feels like an eternity. I couldn't say.

My heart is so broken. Your heart is so broken. You can't say when. She came from the funeral, obviously. Yes, too soon. Too soon. How did he die? Can you tell me how he died?

Even though you don't know when, can you tell me how? Yes, it was an accident. Ma, how are you not remembering how Bob died? I've said too much. I've said too much. I've said too much already. What kind of accident was it? Let's just say it was a slip. All right, you got your answer now.

Let's move on. I want to break the third wall right now. I wish we had a red laser to go on Jesse's head. First of all, it's a fourth wall, you moron! You're a moron! It's the fourth wall, you moron! You're a moron! It's a third wall here, you idiot! Look what you're doing to my family! Fourth wall, who gives a shit?

All right. We still got Omar with us, everyone. So, Omar, I noticed that you had a ring on your left hand on the ring finger, on the wedding ring finger in your video but that's not on there now what's up with that did you get divorced yes it's just one week no no i don't know why i i i did it in the left hand i don't know why okay all right yes interesting stuff now i i found uh i found your set to be interesting because you're from Morocco, but really almost, and I loved,

I appreciated the hell out of the incredible subtitles. Very well-produced video. Yes, thank you. Very well cut. That is so appreciated. Especially for having to do this. That's way better to see the subtitles and actually see images and stuff like that.

It helps. However, I will say. see the subtitles and actually see images and stuff like that helps however else we are just the perfect distance uh just the right amount of delay for us both to keep tying at the exact same time um the production was incredible. Everything was great. Uh, however, your 60 seconds was literally about as funny as the Corona virus. Morocco, what's going on? I have allergies. All right. I'm sorry. All right. Um, is standup comedy popular there in Morocco? No, not at all. I don't think so. It actually works. It's reverse. You know, you get famous first from a sketch or something, then you do stand up, you know, you don't work your way. Go ahead.

How's Corona doing there? Like, is it is it pretty bad there? Actually, Morocco was one of the first countries to apply quarantine and self-isolation. Now we have 1,800 cases. 150 recovered. 150 died. But yeah, it's not that bad. But also you have to be responsible. When did the quarantine start there, the lockdown? Do you remember about?

I think a month ago. Right. Yeah. lockdown do you remember about i think i think a month ago right yeah see that's the interesting thing is a lot of these places like they'll say like you know we were the first we attacked it early on then you find out like it was all basically the same time it's just u.s media likes to tell the story of us doing things extremely late and uh like we were unprepared for this like anyone knew what was coming omar i got a question for you said it's reverse in morocco now do you have any examples of comedians that actually did that path because i've never heard of that before just curious not not from morocco for example uh gad el maleh you know gad el maleh? Yes. He's Moroccan, actually. You know that?

Wow. I didn't, actually. He's got that Russell Peters thing going on. He's from one place, but people think he's from another place. I don't trust those people. Yeah. He's Moroccan, you know. He's the one that intervenes

in the USA. Heck yeah. Anything else crazy we should know about you? Anything insane? I don't know. You said the set was bad, so I bombed, right? Mission accomplished. I bombed on something American.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's really, you know, I don't really consider it bombing if you're 60 seconds. This is a special. These are very special episodes. If there was an audience out there sitting quietly, awkwardly laughing at your setups once they realized one joke was over. I think that's really bombing. There's just sort of like not being that funny on this version of this show. And I think that's exactly what you fell into. But if you want, if you're honored by the thought of you bombing on an American show, then my friend, you really did it here tonight.

You really sucked it to us. I take the bombing joke away from you. I did it first. Indeed. So mission accomplished, but it's that kind of mission accomplished. I did it first. Indeed. So mission accomplished, but it's that kind of mission accomplished. Like when George W. Bush stood in front of the sign that said mission accomplished,

and then we stayed at war with that country for another decade. It's that kind of mission accomplished. Yeah. Awesome. There he goes. Omar, thank you so much. Omar Cherkawi,

everyone. C-H-E-R-K-A-O-U-I-O-M-A-R-R on social media. At Cherkawi Omar with an extra R. The band killing it. Here he goes. This is that part every episode where Jeremiah learns a song in front of us, everyone. Here we go. The part that the people have been asking for.

They're like, we want more of that. Your next comedian goes by the name of Matt Burrink. Matt Burrink, everyone. Here we go. Here's another song. What is this song for? everyone here we go here's another song here it is a minute from matt burring starting now i don't believe in conspiracy theories but i do find it strange that a lot of notorious murderers throughout history have three names, like John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacy, Hillary Rodham Clinton. I went on a blind date with a mortician. It went really well. She told me that she doesn't date very much because being a mortician tends

to creep people out. That didn't bother me at all because she was funny, smart, very attractive, stony red hair, pretty much my type. But I did have to ask her if she was a mortician and single. Did the coffin match the drapes? I texted her for a second date,

but she ghosted me. Typical mortician. After this pandemic, stuff is over. Thinking about starting a new career. Want to open a fondue restaurant called Dipshits. Thanks, everybody. Take care. Matt Burry. Hello, Matt.

Look at that Ryan J. E-Belt poster right there. That is so cool. What's that one from? I remember that. What is that, Summer Tour? Yeah, Seattle. Wow, that's so cool. And that's where you are?

Yep. Heck yeah. Looking like you're working behind the Pike's Place fish market, throwing fish at people. What do you do for work, Matt? Well, I'm a goddamn hero. I work at Trader Joe's. Yes, an American hero indeed.

It's a good Italian guy right there. Came over from Italy, started a company over here, blew up. That's true. They have their Italian line of food, Trader Giotto's. Oh, I'm very familiar. Trader Giotto's. Great mini tacos. That's true. They have their Italian line of food, Trader Giotto's. Oh, I'm very familiar with those. Great mini tacos. That's right. Great mini tacos, according to Red Band. How many of those mini tacos

can you eat? I think four to six is a good one. Forty-six? Forty-six? And how many McDonald's cheeseburgers is that? About three hamburgers high. Right, about eight quarter pounders worth of tacos. Have you had those mini tacos ever? No. Great.

Favorite Italian dish. I love it. Matt, how long have you been at Trader Joe's? About two years now. Nice. And you do like, everybody sort of does everything there, right? Yeah, include coronavirus. Do people get it at your location?

Not at our location, but I'm expecting it any day now. I'm sure it's going to happen. Interesting. What makes you think that? You smoke a little bit of marijuana every once in a while? No, I'm actually straight edge. Oh, wow. Are you holding a baby rattle right now?

He plays with rattlesnakes. I don't think so. It's like a little rattling noise. It's the beard rustling the microphone. That's what it is. It's the beard hitting the mic. I'll hold it down. Real question. Do they make you cover up the beard in its entirety while you're a trader?

Well, right now we have to wear face masks, so I'm just wearing a bandana that covers the whole thing. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Heck yeah. Look at you, just a real tough guy in that Trader Joe's. Interesting. Interesting. You ever have to kick anybody out or any trouble ever go down at the Trader Joe's while you're there? I mean, I personally don't have to do that, but it happens pretty often. You know, I almost bled out at a Trader Joe's. Oh, yeah, Tony almost died at a Trader Joe's. Oh, wow. I bled like a stuck pig at a Trader Joe's probably less than a year ago.

A crazy kombucha accident. I think I've talked about it on this show. What do you have? It would have been the gayest way to die. I know. Trust me, I know. They tried to call an ambulance. So we have to call an ambulance.

I'm like, you do not. I started running. That's a real Hinchcliffe right there. You do not. I got up and started sprinting away with an open wound. Can you imagine the write-up on TMZ or whatever? Tony Hinchcliffe, left fellow comedian, died from a kabocha at trader joe's there you go yeah you're not supposed to drink those rectally

that's why they call it come booch only when tony drinks it hey okay hey but seriously thank you for working during this time. I feel really bad for all the grocery store people. Like, my local grocery store, I'm like, how are they working in this situation? Do you guys have, like, do you think going to the grocery store is safe while working at one? Or do you see stuff, like, you're like, oh, I wouldn't, I shouldn't be here right now. I mean, I can only speak to my store,

but I think we're doing a pretty good job. We limit the amount of people that can come into the store. Right. So that's kind of nice. We're cleaning constantly. How many quarter pounders worth of people are allowed in the store at once? No, I'm kidding. So fun stuff. I liked your set.

Thanks. When you do, you know, they say that there's a rule of three. I don't really agree with it. But you did a joke with four things, and the fourth was Hillary Rodham Clinton. And even though you're right, there are those criminals with three names, I still sort of would say that you could just do hillary rodham clinton third and get to it a little bit quicker and get out because that all makes sense but uh oh yeah it makes sense president i'd also say maybe uh check

those jokes on twitter because i've seen a few of those before i'm not saying you took them but like sometimes when you talk about current events you're gonna run the risk of finding other people that have also like what like which one sounded the hillary rodham one the the mortician one being ghosted by a mortician you similar sort of thought it's all right it happens you're you're you're you're a newbie it takes so you know when you when people are just starting out they try to they try to make people laugh they try to do things that uh you know feel like it the stuff that they've heard and they don't really know it but as you do it more and more often have you ever done stand up in front of an audience just one time i killed tony in seattle i knew i think we've heard those jokes

before because we've heard him before because i thought i heard those jokes before too but did you do a similar joke? No, I did a joke about a guy shitting in 24-hour fitness showers. That's a new joke! I painted that joke. That's interesting. Were you on the early show or the late show there in

Seattle? I was on the late show, The Last Comedian. Were you the Southern Bells on that one, I do believe? We were the News show. The last comedian. Were you the Southern bells on that one? I do believe. Or was it the newsies? Yeah. Newsies. Yep.

Ah, fun, fun. It was great. Heck yeah. Matt, what else about your life should we know about? I mean,

not much. Uh, I mean, last time we talked, I was living in my truck. And now I actually got a place to live. That's great. Oh, cool.

How'd you manage that? I knew some people that had a room for rent. So I figured, get a room during this pandemic. That's probably smart. Yeah, for sure. What are those books behind you? What kind of books are you reading? Those are albums.

Well, there's some records. I'm reading Mark Twain. A book. A biography about Malcolm X and then a book about the making of Do the Right Thing. What do you think about him having a biography of Malcolm X? It sounds like he's trying to date a black chick. Have you ever fucked a black girl?

No. No. I'm open to it. Let's not be so too hasty. You know what I'm saying? Well, that's fun. Well, Matt, congratulations.

Your second time on Kill Tony. That's fun. Well, Matt, congratulations. Your second time on Kill Tony. That's fun. What is your love life like nowadays? It's been a while. Listen, he just moved out of the truck. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, give me some time. That's true.

How long have you been out of the truck now? Since January. All right. Well, yeah, we're getting there. It's almost that time. Once this quarantine's over, we got to get you out there, get the mask off, and have some girl wake you up with a redheaded blowjob or something like that.

And if you're waiting for a black chick, it's going to be a while. All right. Yeah, can you connect me to her? Yeah. Yeah, we have that. You can go to the website, plentyofblacks.com. Okay. Anyway, there goes Matt Burring.

Thank you, Matt. Matt Burring is on Instagram, at Von Burring, all one Instagram at Von Burrink. All one word. And look at this. We are joined by the man goblin himself, the one and only William Montgomery,

streaming live right now. Hello, William. How are you? How's it going? I'm giving blowjobs on blackpeoplemeet.com. Oh, my goodness. No, just kidding. Hey, Red Band, sorry I missed your Black Party, Panther Party last night. I was DJing a homeschool prom. I'm having trouble sleeping these days, so I downloaded a white noise app

and it just ended up being the Seinfeld theme song. It just ended up being the Seinfeld theme song. One thing I've learned during this quarantine is that I'm not actually allergic to cats. I guess it all depends on how you cook them. Hey, Tony, does all this mean we're going to have to wait two more months for another Madea movie? No, but seriously, I was actually looking at Wikipedia. Madea's criminal record is extensive there it is william montgomery everyone a new minute from william there you go

i would say that that white noise Seinfeld joke is the real first joke of the night, almost basically, sort of. That's a real professionally written joke. Wait, Redban is informing me that he wrote the same joke this week. Redban wrote a new joke, and it just so happens to be the same one

that you wrote, William. Yeah, I posted an Instagram story. Yeah, I bet his pussy ass did. I posted it. I posted an Instagram story where it was just my backyard at night and it was completely quiet and I just put white noise, you know, and then I thought, oh yeah, white noise

because you're not helicopters and gunshots. Shut the fuck up, dude. You saw my fucking Instagram story. Do you see this shit around my eyes? I'm in Morocco right now. Where'd you write it down at? On paper? How was the mini tacos that you had the other night?

Yeah, they were pretty good. I can't believe you didn't let me in your fucking place. Are you guys having your own podcast right now? Is this Brothers of Cursive? All right. Well, we say brothers. I love it. How are y'all doing william we're doing good is that eye makeup you're wearing yeah take a look no yeah i've

seen it the whole time it doesn't work as well if you close your eyes by the way oh there it is yeah look at that took me two hours to put on who did that to you who did that to you i'm currently in morocco right now a nice lady named theresa sanchez uh hell of a lady we were let's see her uh having she's not here right now she's sitting across from me on the couch she's not here right now yeah she's super nice lady theresa just spin the phone around real quick there's nobody on the other side just spin it around there's nobody on the other right now william you have three seconds or else you're no longer a regular on this show one two three just turn it around just turn it it's in your fucking Turn it. You're waiting for her to leave the room.

What button do I press? You don't need to press a button. Just turn it. What button do I press? Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, you son of a bitch. Oh, my God.

Yeah. You son of a bitch. Oh, my God. All right. William, what have you been doing to pass the time this week? Any new hobbies in the quarantine? I've been watching a bunch of... Who is the guy who was in all of the... He was in that movie where he's a detective back in the past,

a big rock, almost hits him at one point indiana jones i've been watching a bunch of harrison ford movies wow you thought he was a detective that is a weird that is one of the most bizarre actors to watch all of his movies a basically you know a good actor but sort of a mainstream sellout, I would sort of say, right? Like, I mean, not really considered a great actor, more of an action type of... What are you talking about? He's great for a little boy. What's your favorite? What's his most amazing acting?

His most amazing acting? Yeah. Well, I think Indiana Jones is really good. Okay. I mean... Star Wars. The Fugitive. Mandarin.

Definitely not Star Wars, because he wasn't in the mandalorian right the mandarin you're the best show in this world you're saying that harrison ford is an amazing actor he's obviously a great actor like you could put him in any movie and be way better than most actors could you put him in forrest gump no you couldn't put him in Forrest Gump? No. You couldn't put him in Forrest Gump. He's not that type of actor. That's why I'm saying he's not that great of an actor. He's like an action actor. A fugitive. Fugitive's a great movie.

What Lies Beneath. You know that one, Vinny? Yeah, you've never seen What Lies Beneath? It's been a long time. Patriot Games. You're in present danger. He's more of like an action movie actor. This is like saying Vin Diesel's great in

Gone and Fast and Furious or whatever it is. Alright. Cowboys and Aliens. Penguin has the Batman movie. The second Batman movie. Penguin. What's his name again? Danny DeVito. Cobblepot. Yes. Yes. DeVito has a good

guy right here. Great name. Heck yeah. So you've just been sitting around watching a bunch of shitty movies? I have. Thinking about brushing my teeth, thinking about flossing. I have not. Did you get a haircut?

They look good. You got a haircut. No, Mort's just falling out. Looks good. I know somebody that cuts hair. Gravity's your barber. Who do you know that cuts hair? I don't know. Someone that's on the other side of that phone, probably. Oh, turn it around real quick, William.

William, turn your phone around. Like you did it before, just turn it around. Do it right now. Now walk that direction take us for a walk before the phone call ends take us for a quick little tour i'm not going on any walk right now why i can't is that what harrison ford would do are you serious? You stumped him? Yeah. Harrison Ford is also, a fun fact, is he is a notoriously bad pilot. That is true.

Like a horrific pilot. Like he's had more emergency landings than basically any other 10 pilots combined. I've also heard from inside sources that he's just stoned to the gullet at all times. He has his ears pierced on both sides. You can't really get... With danglies. You can't really get stoned before flying. Not when he's flying, just in general. Yeah.

Yeah, stoned before a flight stop. Who the fuck said that all right william well all right well that was probably my best set thank you so much that is true that is one of my favorite sets from you i'm for real this time there he is william montgomery everybody there he is william montgomery Montgomery. Oh, God. We know this guy. What are the odds of that?

You guys both writing a white noise Seinfeld joke the same week. Yo, Rocco wrote a black noise joke earlier this week. No, I didn't. All right. Your next comedian on this list. We all know this name very well. He is a legend in the history of this show he uh famously has an instagram that uh always blows up on this show we always look at his past instagram posts and laugh at his hashtags and his incredibly what some would call douchey posts,

but he's a guy out here hustling, a good looking guy, you know, everybody's trying to make it, everybody, you know, and he's doing a good job for himself. So let's see what he's written lately.

This is 60 seconds from the comedy stylings of Kevin Mac. Here he is. God damn it. Here's Kevin Mack. A lot of people are going through some tough times right now in my life. Pretty simple. I'm dating a 20-year-old cam girl. So things are great. The hardest part of my day is finding ways not to say,

this is what's wrong with your generation. There was a point last night where she was sucking my dick, and I compared the skin on her face to the skin on my very old dick. And it took everything I had not to say, call your fucking father and fix whatever issues you have right now. Because I care about her. I care about her. I made the mistake of telling my friends that she's a cam girl on my free cams. Now I have to hear, every time she gets a tip,

I have to hear, thank you, please don't tell Kevin we're fucking 74. Oh, what a gift. I appreciate it. Kevin's dick is much smaller than mine, 87. I have shitty friends. Shitty fucking friends

kevin mack this would be the shorter one yes oh my god yes you got the laugh you got the laugh there you go all right we There you go. All right. We're here with Kevin Mac. Here he is. He's literally working out, ladies and gentlemen. Just when he couldn't possibly be any wackier. This guy's out of control. How are you? Look at the webcam facing his bed below him on top of the TV.

You can actually see a camera. It is incredible. That's my Apple TV. That's my Apple TV, Red Band. Don band don't get any ideas you're damn right look at you a real manly setup you have there you have the brahma bull horns the whole bull skull on the is that a bison perhaps on the uh on the wall we have there hey um it is a bison indeed and uh that was fun man i i literally went from i tried to like i tried to give your background of history on the show by saying he sort of has douchey posts on instagram but we're all doing good here this and that and then as soon as i you know tried to

set you up properly after saying that you're douchey i reset it and then you come out guns ablaze and yo so i'm getting my dick sucked by this 20 year old cam girl and basically went right into your brand it's absolutely hilarious so what's her name oh brian yeah you could probably get her you could probably get her some followers right now yeah i don't know actually i don't know how that works you get that kill tony fans over there tipping a bit. Yeah. Check her out on OnlyFans.

Her name is Delaney Lane. Delaney Lane. Look at that. Not the first time you plugged her today. Am I right, guys? Hey, Anthony. It's me. You're coming into your role.

That's right. They used to call me Joey Slaps. It was just a slap. Come on. We ever talk about that? Life is good, man. We never talked about that on the show before i'm sitting here i'm enjoying the sense of my uh my damn good candle damn good co.com for your damn good candle everybody's got one nowadays. So, uh, let's talk about it, man. How's, uh, how's life been going? You got a 20 year old cam girl. We know your love life's good. That's always been good for you. What else is happening? You stay insane during this crazy time. Yeah, I'm not,

um, I'm not buying into the hoax. I've been out, uh, running trails and hiking and riding my motorcycles and doing backyard workouts. And yeah, not buying into it. I love it. Well, I mean, my grandparents are dead. Right. I agree. No, I got you there. I'm with you that all the stuff that you said pretty much is social distancing.

By the way, you scared me there when you're like, I'm not buying into the hoax. I'm out here doing things. And then you named a bunch of things that you do by yourself out there i'm out at edm parties i'm out at ed hardy conventions right i'm playing solitaire yeah you're playing solitaire in the middle of a park you're uh you're uh all right i'm not i'm never hiking or i'm never hiking or riding my motorcycles alone oh Oh, you have a side cart, huh? I got a lady on the back. Whoa, look at that.

You haven't lived life until you've got a handy on the freeway. Is that a real story? That is a real story. Of course it is. She ejected you off from behind. On a motorcycle. On a motorcycle. On a motorcycle. Now, where did the cum go?

She didn't finish it. Oh, but you were able to... It don't count anymore! You gotta complete on the bike! Alright, you were able to get hard, though? Is that true? Yeah, it was on the five freeway. Wow, you turned that motorcycle into a stick shift.

Am I right? All right. What time of the day was this? Because, I mean, can you imagine just being stuck? Can you imagine just being stuck in traffic and there's just everybody's laughing and pointing at you getting jerked off on a motorcycle? Before she was on the bike, it was the 10 freeway. For those of you listening to this show that might not know Los Angeles,

the five freeway is a six lane, usually packed highway. Yeah. Not very free flowing. I could barely do the 134 before I come. Yeah. Brian's never gotten jerked off on the five, but he has scratched his asshole on the one. Yeah.

All right. Let's talk about your Instagram. Is it, is it still legendarily a douchey? Oh, look, the guys brought it up. Are the viewers at home can see this right now?

Wow. So you can actually see what we're talking about. Look at this. It's a picture of him and his motorcycle faster than Corona in parentheses. at home can see this right now wow so you can actually see what we're talking about look at this it's a picture of him and his motorcycle faster than corona in parentheses ride or die hashtag motto hashtag motorcycle hashtag motorcycles hashtag ride hashtag bikes hashtag bike hashtag bikers hashtag biker boy hashtag bike god hashtag bike life hashtag indian motorcycles hashtag freedom hashtag free hashtag live love road fit fitness fitness motivation model fitness model hashtag gym hashtag muscle hashtag Hashtag guys with tattoos.

Hashtag ink, inked, fit fam, and fitspo. Hashtag a guy jerked me off with a bike. Hashtag bottom. Bottom. That is incredible. Wow, look at that. Oh, God, here we go. Oh, my God. No, wait, go back to the other one.

Wait, if you have a camera in your hand, who's taking a picture of you? How did that work? Hey, get a picture of me with my camera. Oh, God, to the other one. Wait, if you have a camera in your hand, who's taking the picture of you? How did that work? Hey, get a picture of me with my camera. Oh, God, look at this one. Hey, this is that inception that that dude was trying to figure out. Hey, all right, scan back down there. Now go down. Go back to where we can see all the pictures.

Roll down. Go down. Left. What's that one? What's that one with him in the grass there? What is this? What is that? I am a man tiger.

I stalk the grasslands man panthers are pussies to me oh that oh you're calling out brian callan oh okay yeah you guys are both you guys are both shirtless quite often guys are like guys are both that's the homie i see i gotcha i got you you guys both uh work out and mix your comedy in with your bodies. Wow, is that one supposed to be silly too? That one top right there? Click on that one. The one where he looks like the bad guy from Superman 3. That's a good haircut. I can get behind right there.

Wow. Look at those hashtags. You got hashtag haha in there. I got a hashtag sexy messiah in there, too. Oh, my God. You son of a...

Now, do you find that a lot of people are searching for the hashtag sexy messiah? You'd be surprised. I think it was like 5,000 posts with hashtag sexy messiah. There you go. That's what I was asking. Thank you, Kevin. A lot of Jesus porn out there. Do you check your, what do they call that, like analytics and see how much... messiah there you go that's why i was asking thank you a lot of jesus porn out there do you

check your uh what do they call that like analytics and see how much uh this hat these hashtags get you is that you can do that on instagram right yeah i can i can basically see how well um each hashtag performs for each picture wow let's see. Let's see the top of that Instagram page. I want to see his numbers and statistics, what he's got going on here. What are we at? Look at you, 110K, following 159 with only 318 posts. Those are great stats. Thanks, man.

I'm blowing up on TikTok right now. Jeremiah, you've got to use more hashtags. You ever think about this? Look at Jeremiah. He up on TikTok right now Jeremiah you gotta use more hashtags you ever think about this Jeremiah seems so defeated Jeremiah posts 314 times a day and only has half as many followers do you want to put your Venmo out there right now Kevin Mac

with your Venmo next streak on Jeremiah wonders Kevin Mac. I've already been on Jeremiah Wonders. No, Vinny, no. No, don't do it. No. Oh, no, Vinny, no.

Oh, Vinny. You put the no in Vinny Mencine, no. I put the Venmo in Venmo. Hey, how you doing? How you doing? Put it down. How you doing? Has your girl tried to get you to go on Chatterbait with her,

like wear a mask or something? Have you tried doing that yet? She wants me to do a video with her on OnlyFans. Yeah. Dude, you should absolutely do that. Hell yeah. Get a GoPro for the motorcycle. You know what I'm saying?

Just wear a mask. I can't risk it. CBS would not be happy with me at all if that got out. That's right. You were on Why Women Kill on CBS All Access. Yes, sir. When does that go back in season? We're about to shoot season two in August.

Wow, that is so cool. Is it the Mandalorian you have on in the background? Yeah, yeah. I'm in season two of the Mandalorian, too. Can I tell you a real thing about our friend Kevin Mack?

Real story. I'll roast myself right now. We did a video together. He posted it on his profile. It wasn't performing well, so he deleted it immediately. And that's the true story of my friend Kevin Mack. He died and he didn't notice.

I noticed, Kevin. I noticed you looking there. I've been waiting to confront you. Wow. Look at that. Good job. I brought his numbers down. Good job, Kevin. Oh my goodness gracious.

How long did you keep it up there? You're a powerful guy, Jeremiah. I can't let your numbers get too big. Then I got to compete with you. That's true. He wants to keep you down. Look at that. Very interesting. So what else is going on in life, Kevin?

Anything else crazy happening? I shoot my podcast in the very studio you are in right now. That's going very well. We just had Luke Rockhold on last episode, so that was pretty cool. That's awesome. What's that called again? I'm sorry? Hashtag podcast.

What's your podcast called again? Called Major Waves. Major Waves. So there you go. If you want to get inspired by Kevin here, if you want to be part of the fitspo, if you want to be part of the messiah bod, hashtag messiah bodies. Did they just work out in here?

This room we're in right now? I wonder why this place smelled like sweat. It smells like buttholes in here. Yeah, buttholes. That's what Brian thinks working out smells like, is buttholes. It's been a while. It smells like the 134 in here.

The 134. He's on Instagram at Kevin Mac. He's on TikTok. You're on TikTok, huh? Yeah, I've been on for like a month. I'm already up to 278,000. Look at that. Jeremiah.

There you go. You spend all this time with this guy and you care about your social media so much you spend so much time focusing on it this guy puts subtitles on him on the toilet shaking his lip meanwhile he's got kevin you gotta teach jeremiah your tricks of the trade Kevin, you got to teach Jeremiah your tricks of the trade. I'm going to start putting Jeremiah in a bunch of my skits. Hashtag nose job.

Hashtag. Hashtag analytics. Shut up, Tony. Shut up. Shut up, Tony. Tony, it's me, Bob. And I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do. Oh, yeah.

There he goes. Kevin Mac, everybody. Why Women Kill on CBS All Access. He's Kevin Mac on Instagram. At the Kevin Mac Bond. TikTok. All right. So here's something fun.

We just did two episodes in Ventura. As you guys may know, if you're some of the more obsessed fans, we are still holding on to episode 2 before releasing it just so that we can keep you guys jonesing to see an episode randomly just in case things go off the wires here. Yeah, we might have to take a week off. Yeah, who knows? We might need to

drop an emergency episode. A fun thing that we did this week is we released the first ever Roadkill episode which was a little. Yeah, it ended up great. Our friend Jeremy over at Rabbit View up in Canada made an awesome documentary series. One of my great friends, the great and talented Mick Vader, Scott, made some awesome graphics for it, some titles, and we released it. And you moved the cue ball, and everyone's been talking about you.

I moved the cue ball once because that was Jeremiah Scratched, and that is considered ball in hand. So even though I moved it, I could have walked around with the ball for a while or anything like that. But, of course, people on the Internet are going to be shocked and confused and appalled. There was no foul play, all right? That's right.

However, I will say that another one's coming soon. So congratulations to you guys because we banked a couple of those roadkill episodes. So that's going to be happening at some random time. It's just going to be dropped. However, along with us holding onto that second mentor episode, there was one young lady who,

and I'm sure Gage doesn't know this or didn't know this when randomly selecting people, but this young lady ended up on both episodes of that show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Stacy Blue Ball Ross, everyone. Here's a new minute from Stacy. Shut up, bitch!

Your mother's bandana fell down. I can't touch her right now. She's mourning her husband again. The whole thing fell down. She's mourning that song. All right, here it is. Stacey Blue ross with a minute hi guys on quarantine day whatever on sunday i think that means um hand jobs to everyone and uh i've been doing a lot of writing over this quarantine period, and I thought, why not work on something I've never worked on,

which is impressions. So here goes. Here's an impression of the last time I had sex. All right, I'm ready. Come on in. What? You're by yourself. Who's going to hold my tits up? And, oh, here's an impression of last time I had anal. That was it Holy shit

This place is chaos This is the This is the dumbest show of all time. This was a stupid show when we had massive sold-out theaters of audiences. This show is so much dumber with just us in a room watching these videos and then trying to communicate with these people. Hello, Stacey Blue Ball Ross. How are you?

Hi. How's it going? Hi, Red Bull and best band. I don't know what to do. Red Bull gives you chicken wings. Red Bull gives you chicken wings, Jesse Johnson just said as Lucia. That one came from above. Yes, we are here live in studio with Red Bull and the band for another episode of Kill Tony.

Welcome back, Stacey. How's the quarantine treating you? Unbelievable. I've learned a lot about myself. Yes. People normally try to stay six feet away from you at all times before this. So I can't imagine. What have you learned about yourself?

That I have come up with a lot of solutions that can keep me six feet apart and be safe. Well, I'm asking for social D while I'm social distancing. So, um, I don't know where I'm going to put the ad cause you know, no one's on my bundle and no one's on the dating apps, but, um, I'm not getting any phone calls either. So six feet or longer, a lot of things, a lot of things. My goodness. Yikes. Stacey, is it true true you made a joke about this

an impression of the last time you did anal have you done anal before no get rid of that board everybody want to do it together one two three red bull oh my god i love it i love it so have you have you done anal before yes of course who hasn't of course who hasn't wow hey my mother's here cover your mouth if i remember that's all she talked about in the ventura shows is how is she i know i said i said i had a tattoo that said reserved for kobe with arrow. Oh, that's right. The Kobe Bryant tattoo. My goodness gracious.

Yeah, we understand it. The hand signals like 19 times. Do you prefer anal to vaginal sex? Yes. I prefer anything at this point. It's the dry season. Wow, you lonely, lonely cougar out there. Look at you.

Little mountain lion. I'm like the rest of the world right now. My God. I'm not that bad. What have you been doing to pleasure yourself? How do you get through it? You're such a horny fucking lady. Yeah, good question.

You have a table wine ass dead. I've been opening table wine with my head. Table tennis? You have a Sibian or a washing machine perhaps that you sit on or anything like that? No, but I was thinking like if someone had a didgeridoo, they could be on the other end. Or like a canoe oar. Oh, my God. Or like a microphone stand with a microphone for my pleasure.

Wow, you've really thought through all of this. Like a really long dildo. Like a giant dildo. Right? Right. Or if someone had like a six- long day old subway sandwich roll because the fresh one would just get all mashed up and that's where you lost red van yeah he refuses to put subway in his ass mouth only not my ass but come on yeah right oh wow so i mean do you what do you do for work again, Stacey? I don't remember.

I work with for my cousin. He has a cabling company and we have been basically very quiet, very quiet. Have you thought about setting up an OnlyFans perhaps? Who? An OnlyFans where it's so it's what I just learned about this a few weeks ago on your Mom's House podcast. It's where you can do sexual acts for fans and they pay you money. Red Band is subscribed to OnlyHams.com OnlyHams?

I mean, they got good hands. Okay. Sign me up. I definitely would be down. Now, how'd you get your name Blue Waffle? Blue Ball. Oh, Blue Ball.

Again, with the food. Yeah, I was aggressively masturbating, and it was happening because I was really trying to be concentrating. And they said if you rub one out before you do anything that you need to be mentally prepared for, that if you actually do that. And I found myself just always trying to be mentally prepared, mentally prepared, mentally prepared. What was the question that I asked that she's answering right now? How did she get the name Blue Balls?

Oh, that's from your name Blue Balls. Yeah. If you Google Blue Waffle, you can see her vagina. I don't get it. What does that mean? the std save us all yeah oh that's horrible blue waffles and std to save you all from stopping a podcast to google why would you show us that yeah that's basically basically i i um i abused myself to a, I got beat my own pussy up. And so it turned blue. And when I went to the doctor, they said I had like, it was bruised.

I bruised myself. You really did? I said, oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Wow, that is wild. What did they do? Did you have to put ice on it? No, I just had to leave with my tail between my legs oh that's what it looked like it looked like a tail by the time you were done no no it looked

like a one singular blue ball so um when i showed up i was very uncomfortable sitting in my seat and they asked me why and i said, I have a blue ball and the name stuck. Oh my god, the last time I saw a pussy that sore, a red-headed girl dropped it during her set earlier in the show. Yeah, I saw that.

Fun fact, I hate cat pussy jokes, always have yet I've done three in the past seven episodes, I think. Yeah. Wow. Is that the craziest thing that's happened to you sexually, Stacy? You having to go to the doctor for a bruised pussy? That's got to be up there.

That's definitely got to be up there. How about with another human? Did anything crazy ever happen with another human? You ever have a guy like that? I've never even had a threesome, so I'm pretty tame. You're pretty much a virgin then. Vinny! Sorry!

My goodness. I forgot you were here. So you're on dating sites, huh? Are those latex gloves with the fingers cut out? Yes. Wow. That defeats the purpose fashionably fashionably safe she's an emo in quarantine

my god fashionably safe yikes i've done so many times the last month i feel like a regular you sort of are it is impressive three times in a month or so for you. I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be happier. And I love you guys. I miss you. And I miss the comedy store. And thank you so much for doing this every week. Well, Stacey, we love you. You are very bizarre, always very open and honest. And we absolutely love that. Your style of doing impressions and being physical. I love that you started the camera and then walked away from it. That was hilarious, by the way. Vinny. I'm very curious. You talk about how sexually active you are

with your masturbating. Have you ever thought of Tony Hinchcliffe whenever you've been masturbating before? No, I just learned about Tony like nine months ago, so no. So the baby's coming soon all right takes her much longer than nine months before she starts fantasizing about somebody no i fan i fantasize every monday before i go to the comedy store

she would fantasize about having something as big as tony in pussy. Exactly. You could use me as one of the six-foot dildos. Come up a couple inches short. You're like four-foot dildo. I'm so game. I love it. Stacey, we're going to keep this fun train moving along. There she goes. Stacey Blue Ball Ross. Thank you, Stacey.

Have a great night. I'm excited. This is one of my favorite parts of the show. Every goddamn week. I love this guy with every ounce of, and fiber in every quarter pounder inside my body. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the greatest human beings on the planet. One of the great comedians of our time. The great Michael Lair is here, everybody. Hello, Michael.

Hey. What's happening, dude? 1985 Witness, which featured best supporting actor nominee Harrison Ford. Ah, 1985? Yes, and then I was also watching 1991's Regarding Henry Where Harrison Ford Plays the disabled Person Wow Look at that so he does have some good I just haven't seen any of the good Harrison Ford

Acting movies I just thought he was an action guy You were wrong I guess so Absolutely Tony I spent all week running topicals i'm gonna do five topicals in a minute you go right ahead let's find out how many of these red band wrote this week as well all right i need a you guys never know when i start so give me a start and then let me know when that minute starts okay we're gonna do it right now ladies and gentlemen uh you know this

guy is one of the great regulars on kill tony here he is, the one, the only, the great, powerful Michael Lehrer, everybody. Here he is. Joe Biden has so much dementia. If he gets elected, he's going to staff his cabinet with his dead kids.

Joe Biden, the only sentence he can make is if he mass incarcerates minorities. Joe Biden, the only good thing about been on Jeffrey Epstein's private island. Joe Biden's presidential campaign slogan is alphabet soup. There he is, Michael Laird. That's exactly a minute right there there it was you absolutely nailed it dude you are the quarantine king of comedy let there be no question there's no one close this whole into what is this at four or five five episodes of these you are unstoppable

four or five five episodes of these you are unstoppable i wanted to can do the topical. Absolutely, you can. Some beautiful artwork behind you. Did you draw all that? What? Did you draw all that beautiful artwork behind you? Yeah, and then my hair broke. You incensed.

I'll fucking kill you. You almost got me there. What? Whoa. Hey, how'd you... Oh, it's burning. Hey, Michael, how'd you like to be part of the family? Hey.

Hey. They're Italian. I know. Mikey Wheels over here. Whoa, look at that. Whoa, is that a brush of a Shetland pony? What was that? Hey, look at that.

Is that me? That brush is shaped like a red ball. What am I doing over there? I've been inside for 32 days. I love this. This is like if Hitler let himself go. My hair is cool because I can comb it to look like a wig. Yeah. What else can you do?

That brush was pretty cool. You have any other cool brush tricks with your hair? Yeah. Whoa. Wait, is that a razor? Oh, my God. You're going to cut yourself. Man, you're crazy, man.

You're crazy. Is it electric? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on there? I think he's just massaging his face. Oh, no, are you shaving? Oh, get out of here. No, don't do it.

Oh, my God. Michael. Michael, no. What a mess. Why is he doing it? This guy is an absolute fucking icon.

You will do anything for the love of the game, won't you? It's all the game. There is no game. It's all the game. There is no game. It's all the game. Oh, my God. I fucking love you. Reindeer games.

There you go. Another Harrison Ford movie. That was great. Wow. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hey, I'll get you a cut this afternoon, all right?

Hey. Look at that. It has hairs on it. Harrison Ford. this afternoon, alright? Hey! Look at us, Harrison. Harrison Ford. We've been talking a lot about Harrison Ford this episode. I haven't seen any of the movies where he does good acting. I've only seen the action movies.

Do you have any other Harrison Ford recommendations? I started the interview with two fucking you fucking moron. That was you. That was you. I'm sorry. We're flying through this. Regarding Henry.

That's right. I downloaded the INDMV app and I researched that joke to be prepared. Yep. You're untrustworthy. I know, I got you. I got you. It all gets mixed up here, moving this fast through an episode. I understand.

I understand, man. How's your son doing through all this is he still hanging out with you no he went to wyoming for the quarantine which wasn't even necessary you know what sucks about corona all these people are sick it's like i'm not even special anymore for real like an like an idiot i spent all winter strengthening my immune system by eating out homeless chicks. Yep. Yep. Can I say I love your new look? I love the new beard, Michael. You put the Abraham Lincoln in ALS.

What's the ALS? No, no, Michael, stop. Stop, no. Yeah, do more, do more. No. Just leave the goatee Smash Mouth style. No, don't do it, stop. Stop, no. Yeah, do more. Do more. No. Just leave the goatee Smash Mouth style. No, don't do it, Michael. Michael, don't.

Don't. Don't go up there. Don't go up there. Michael, don't go up there. Put it on low. What are you, my agent? What are you, my fucking agent? What do you care about how I shave?

No, you're right. What are you? What are you, your spank bank Yeah, I Sure copped it Call me untrustworthy again Pace the beer back on your face. I Love it Michael. Well, what else is going on anything else we should know about

um yeah i'm gonna be auctioning off my bike chain soon oh that's awesome yeah i got a custom box built for it and i got a professional voiceover artist and I got a model to do the promotional video and help her. Are you going to be the actual auctioneer for it? No.

I'd imagine prices would stay pretty low for a while if you're the auctioneer. That's good. That's good. No. I move too quick and sometimes you hit me at the side of the head. Now you got me.

You got me. I love you. I love you. That was good. How's the nurse slash girlfriend? She's good. How's the nurse slash girlfriend? She's good. I make her hide in the other room when I'm performing because that's what students do on stage,

and they need their private circles. Yeah, I agree. Whatever it takes to get that genius out of you, you are unstoppable. We love you so much. Anything else for Michael, guys? I miss you, Michael. Yeah, we miss you. We really unstoppable. Thank you. We love you so much. Anything else for Michael, guys? I miss you, Michael. Yeah, we miss you.

We miss you, buddy. We miss you, my friend. Thank you. I went on your website the other day. I was looking at your merch and you have everything. He's got bath mats. He's got shower curtains. He's got pencil bags.

You have like everything. Is this true, Michael? You have all types of merch at your store? Yeah. Dude, you wouldn't believe the shit. I gotta check out this website. It's michaelaircomedy.com, right? Yeah, you'll find everything in there.

Entertainment. L-E-H-R-E-R. Yeah, michaellarecomedy.com. michaellare, L-E-H-R-E-R, comedy.com. michaellareComedy.com I'm going to get myself some bath mats this week. I'm going to get some Michael Lehrer leg warmers. And if you can help Michael out,

send him some weed, by the way, guys. Right? You like people sending you weed. Please, but not in the mail. Oh my god. Look at all of that. Wow, that. Wow. That's incredible.

We have your website brought up on the main screen here. Everybody's seeing it. That is so cool. Yeah, I'm watching, too. Where are the bath mats at? Are you using one of his T-shirts as a bath mat, Jesse? Yeah, there's like rugs and stuff. Click on that and go to the Threadless side if you want to see the Batman.

Yeah, there's more. Like, that's funny, but all of it. Click on what? Well, I haven't been paid for that photo. That's on your website right now, actually. So, oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And then there's the tabs on the left, and those tabs have tabs. Are these temporary tattoos? No, man. Do people love me and they make drawings? This website has more windows than this studio. And I buy weed with it. Oh, my God. This is incredible.

Oh, my God. Look at all these. These are all skateboards. Jesus Christ. Michael Laird. How ironic. How ironic. You guys all have to check this out.

Go to MichaelLairdComedy.com. Click on all the merch. Go to the merch link when you get to the website under merch. And then once you're in the merch, click on the merch link. It takes you to a whole other level of merch. Can I show you one more thing on my site? You goddamn know you can, Michael Lair. You can do anything you want.

I gave you 20 minutes last week. Oh, yeah. I was a little open that's why this week i was really on the ball it wasn't you it was me brian will you do the fun one it should say fun the one on my website funny but there you go those are all businesses are starting Wait I could get shoes that look like my cat yeah Click on any of them I want cat shoes that look like my cat oh my god

Oh my God. Oh my God. It's cat shoes. All of these lead to different websites. Oh my God. I didn't even know it went this deep. Wait, go back. There was one that said something about American actors. It's cat shoes.

Shoes that look like your cat. And in parentheses underneath that, it said, it's not shoes for your cats. American actors against non-Americans portraying Americans. You were done. And in parentheses underneath that it said it's not shoes for your cat Oh my god, yeah been handed to be Americans. They're fucking around. They're making fun of us. We couldn't do that. I'm Michael Lair, an American actor

who hasn't booked a job in years. Oh my God. Sam Tripoli must have helped you out with this. Wow. That was an impression better than the real deal. Go to another one. Because Ren's doing I'm not even close Rency what's that

Wait what What is it Selling things for Ren It's just random stuff you're selling Oh that's incredible Yeah man I can't work anymore Wow you gotta check out this if you're listening to this podcast you got it you got to

check out Michael errors I can't I don't even want to give all these away you guys gotta check it out this is absolute homework assignment michaellaracomedy.com check out his website share it on social media tell your friends to check it out

tag him in it I'm sorry tomorrow I'm gonna be's late tomorrow I'm going to be on the live podcast of I'm Too F'ing High on Campfire Media

beautiful they can all catch you there follow them at michaellaircomedy.com and Michael Lair what's your social media handles again michaellairair Comedy and Instagram and Steve Martian 69 for Twitter. All right. There you go.

There he is, the great Michael Lair. I love you so much, Michael. Michael Lair, everybody. Take it super personal. Wait a second. Wait, what was that? What would you say, Michael? Chicken soup. There he is.

All right. We have another comedian. This guy actually is friends with Jesse Johnson. We found out about him last week. He let Joel use his tiger suit. Now that I'm seeing him, I know this guy. He's one of the very funny hosts of This Week Sucks Tonight. Here he is, Michael Turner, everyone.

60 seconds of Michael Turner. Here he is, Michael Turner. Here he is. Michael Turner. What's going on? Happy belated Easter to all of you believers out there. I myself, I was raised Catholic.

I think the strangest thing about being raised Catholic was probably turning 18 and being like, what the fuck was that? You know what I mean? Like, nobody's 19 and Catholic. That's not a thing.

That's a TLC show they're working on. It's coming on right after the midgets. 19 and Catholic. Because I actually, I question this shit. Like, I actually believe that the books in the Bible were written by other people that overheard stories being told, but they didn't understand exaggeration was a thing. Right? Like, hyperbole was really popping off in 0 BC and they didn't understand exaggeration was a thing. Hyperbole was really popping off

in 0 BC and they didn't know how to read it. They just heard some dude talking about a recent trip he was on. He was like, dude, how was that trip? He was like, it was fine, but weather-wise, it had to be raining easy, 40 days, 40 nights. I was like, dude, what do you mean? It was a three-day weekend, dude. It was monsoon season.

You built a boat? You did what to the zoo dude people are looking for you got your kids involved i love that michael turner everyone fuck yeah yeah what's up michael how's it going How are we doing? I'm hanging in there. I love it, man. I love the artwork on your walls. All my favorite American moments. What was that? Say that one more time. I missed that.

I've been doing a lot of YouTube diving here. So just trying to figure out kind of the truth and stuff. And I've got the whole HDR behind me here. I love that. Yeah. It looks like you basically cracked the case. That is about the order of events. The president on the left started a war with the Middle East by the time that a lot of the people angry about that got their revenge. They attacked there while his son was president.

It all started here. Don't forget about it. Yes, it did. That is the magic spot back into the left. No doubt about it. A lot of good YouTube links if anybody needs to be doing stuff in quarantine. Heck yeah, man. That is so fun.

And you are originally from phoenix arizona right so i'm actually originally from uh ohio like you know i'm from cincinnati though and then i lived in arizona for a while i did comedy started comedy there eight years ago yeah yeah mike mike and i started in arizona in a hockeyink. It was a dive bar attached to a hockey rink. So when we started out, there was a window behind the bar where you could see the rink. And you'd go do jokes and you'd hear the pucks on the glass or people breaking out in a fire right on your punchline. Talk about a nice house. A lot of Gordon Bombay jokes.

Heck yeah. It's like my ma has lived multiple lives. Oh, yeah. What made you go from Ohio to Phoenix? Arizona State University. So it's a great school. You can fall into undeserved pussy, which is always great. Yes, Arizona State.

You got it. You got it. Push and believe you ever see brody uh there or did he ever come back to perform for you guys brody did a couple shows yeah he was he was a good buddy of mine when he would come through we uh i took a couple of those photos if you ever see his instagram feed when he would do like at restaurants and stuff i took a photo of what a burger yeah oh wow no me there he is steve lee you ever see stevie weeby out there i don't know that one he went there yeah who was talking to me you look like an extra in a ricky martin movie what's going on oh my god how did you know watch your mouth michael turn Turner. That's Rocco. He's living La Vida Joca back there.

There you go. I love it. So, Michael, you just moved to L.A. recently? Yeah, I started living out here and moved out. I actually have a comedian roommate. You guys had him on the show all the time. Look at this dude here. Hey, what's up, brother?

How's it going, my man? What up, dog? How y'all living? We out here doing conspiracy shit, you know up, brother? How's it going, my man? How y'all doing? We out here doing conspiracy shit, you know what I mean? I love it. Clearly one of the... I'm trying to find out everything. It's awesome.

Clearly one of the big conspiracies going on in that apartment is this whole Corona social distancing thing. It's true. It's a small environment in here. That is awesome. You still able to kick out a lot of content during all of this too much it's it's yeah it's getting even worse so it's just all downhill but wow you know you're an only fan you should be good i love it man i love it that is so cool how do you how did you guys meet through chapelle lacey yeah yeah that's right yeah we're all connected chapelle's coming over later to watch john wick three so really social distancing little fun fact is uh i have a conspiracy theory myself that john wick three is the best john wick anybody watch all the john

wicks it's solid movies i completely agree thank you thank you i'll never forget where i was i was on a flight uh which they shouldn't be allowed to show that movie on a flight gives you too many ideas you know what i'm saying no it was great it was one of those flight movies it was one of those flight movies that i thought was going to suck. And I was planning on taking a nap. I normally sleep on almost all flights and I threw it on. And sure enough, instead, I missed a whole fucking three or four hour goddamn nap. All those John Wick movies are kind of like that.

You can't start a John Wick movie and stop it. It's sort of crazy. It's like a day every day. John Wick film. Because this John Wick crazy it's like uh my day every day john wick film because this john wick it's like all on a clock and stuff like they really fucking keep the plot flying right they're not all like that right well and it goes from the second one to the third one my guy doesn't even get a nap in before the third one starts yeah exactly harrison Harrison Ford would have needed a nap between those movies. Why? In Harrison Ford's defense, look at Harrison Ford

from 1977 to 1983. No one had a better stretch of movies ever. Star Wars, Blade Runner, Indiana Jones. That is true. And he was banging beautiful women. He was doing well. Back then, you could bang

13-year-old girls. Nobody even gave a fuck. Except for the 13-year-old girls. That's the time Stacy Blueball Ross had to go to the hospital for a sore pussy. I love it, man. I love it.

Fuck yeah. I can't believe you just moved out here recently and then this whole thing started. How does that make you feel? the la market yet but uh it's i don't know it can be disheartening but i'm just trying to stay stay positive i have a roommate that has 1.5 million followers so i'm trying to trying to just take and a fidget spinner i'll tell you yeah right now so everybody yeah you you made fun of the content creators before this the ig comedians are taking over, bitches. I love that. Mike, have you started making shirts that say this year sucks tonight? Yeah, that's probably the move.

Hey, that is a good, that's a great idea. That's why I said it. Sometimes I'm, Jesus Christ, the ego on this guy. My God, all it takes is one in a row for his head to go. Rocco only fans. That is my only fan to handle. Well, so much. Tony, we came out trying to get a show at the Comedy Store.

So this week's Sucks Tonight was a show that started in Arizona with myself and Al Warren Newton. And we're now a regular on a monthly basis at the Comedy Store. So we only had two or three shows this year. And obviously that's been on Hay. That's right. We'll be up there in the belly room, kind of like how you guys started. Absolutely.

Absolutely a great place to grow a show. No doubt about that, man. You've made it all the way. Your co-host moved out here as well he's actually still back in arizona but he's coming out once a month to do it and eventually probably will be out here when he can so that's great yeah i highly uh i highly recommend um uh as soon as things are back up and as soon as you guys possibly can to uh to make it weekly you know and really build super hard traction because it's sort of hard for people to remember like oh the

first one of the month the second one because you guys did it weekly in arizona right right hence the name so yeah yeah of course indeed yeah so like get it going and build momentum and i say that with everybody who starts a show people never want to hear it when I give them that advice to make a show weekly. But that's just simply how you have to do it. People will remember a day of the week and then it's on the back of their mind instead of trying to. You have to have it in your schedule, a monthly show. Especially when it's in your title. Jeremiah.

Hey, look, we got in where we could. They gave us a monthly show. You know how it is, cracking into the Comedy Store. I don't think there's a lot of shows that have ever started a regular show on the Comedy Store that have come out of state. So that's where we're trying to break the mold. Now 100%. Are you and Anwar doing anything remotely, like just to kind of keep the name flowing along or something like that? Yeah, we're doing a weekly quarantine.

Where could people find that, perhaps, Michael? Where could people perhaps find that? There you go. He owes you a favor now. Yeah, thisweeksuckstonight.com and then at thisweeksuck on Instagram.

Also, shout out to Tristan, too. He's a part of your guys' show as well. Shout out to Thomas Eppolito. Yeah, Thomas Eppolito. Good kid. Tommy Epps. Yeah, Tristan's baby boy used to be on our show all the time, and then Jeske's been on there, too, and her block coming career.

Yeah, it's incredible. I've seen it multiple times. I've gone to your show after doing shows in arizona i don't think you maybe you didn't know i was there but i was out in the darkness uh getting having some drinks and uh laughing and enjoying myself last time we were doing kill tony i think you guys followed us uh maybe the last and another time but another time the first time i saw was years and years ago at the place where um where they they serve empanadas outside or something. What is it?

Yeah. It's all good stuff. Love, love, love Arizona. Always so much fun. We're glad to have you out in LA. Shout out to you, Michael Turner. Thank you so much. Shout out to Trevor Wallace making a special appearance. Hey, look at that. Trevor Wallace. You guys already

follow him, but if you don't get out there, follow Michael Turner, not Mike Turner. We love you guys. Thanks for participating. We'll see you guys soon. There they go. Let's check out the drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt real quick here. Whoa!

Joey no shoes! Because he ain't got no shoes! Joey no shoes Joey no shoes What's happening Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Ever since the cop has got a hold of some shoes Joey you're killing it. What's going on? You have anything you want to talk about tonight? I Mean I gotta you gotta let me do a minute or not. Come on Joey no shoes about to do a minute. Start the clock, ladies and gentlemen. I present to you, you know him as the lead guitarist of the best damn band in the land. His first ever time performing stand-up comedy.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Chroma Chris, a.k.a. Joey No Shoes. Oh my god, wow. Oh boy, I didn't know I was gonna get called up I put my name in the bucket every week Tony never calls me all right let me see okay my pot dealer is now also selling pans if you're looking I know somebody If you're looking, I know somebody. My Jewish friend went out on Sunday and got completely hammered. His name was Jesus Christ.

Hold on. If you think about it, Hitler was just on a juice cleanse. Hey, Tony. Hey, Tony, did you hear about the Corona outbreak at the circus? No, what happened? It was intense. Hey. Tony. Hey, you can use that one next time you open for Rogan.

Thank you. I will do. Will do. Hey. So my girlfriend was showing me some world star videos. Yeah. If a black person says say that to me one more time, don't do it. It's a trap.

Alright, I got one more. I got one more. So I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I do think Columbine was an inside job. Wow. In typical Kill Tony fashion. Absolutely.

Joey, no shoes! Joey, no shoes! Oh, I got no shoes! Wow. Out of absolutely nowhere with perhaps the set of the night in character, dressed to the T's with the Ryan J.E. belts

perfectly framed behind him. He's got no shoes, the fucking guy. Incredible chroma, Chris. guy. Incredible Chroma Chris. Perhaps the set of the night. I just had to spread a little my coronavirus. Chroma. Oh, yeah, Chroma Chris. That's right, of course, indeed.

I love this guy. The band is so excited. Everybody's smiling ear to ear in this room. We're so proud of you. We miss you so excited. Everybody's smiling ear to ear in this room. We're so proud of you. We miss you so much. If the studio was perhaps four and a half, six feet bigger for the listeners, six feet bigger, we would have you in here without a doubt. And we absolutely love you and miss you.

And what a great way for you to pop in like a goddamn fucking star in the night. This is incredible, Chroma. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you guys for letting me call in. We love you. We missed you. There he is. The legend, Chroma Chris, everyone. See you, everybody. Wow.

Look at that. Ryan J. Wow. Look at that. Oh, my goodness. Ryan J., get closer there. Look what we got. Oh, my goodness. Get close. Ryan J., get closer there. Look what we got.

We got Vinny. Wow. We got Lucia. Hey. Looks great. Rocco. Rocco. There he is.

Because you're right. In the mob menace of Gino and Vito. We got the death squad kitty there. We got me with a cool microphone on that, a piece of paper. That's a dildo. Big Pyro, David Lucas, the Blunt, Michael Lair.

So they're gangster names. The Judge, William Montgomery. Oh, that's sick. Where's Red Band at? I guess I'm the cat. He's the cat. Red Band's's sick. Where's Red Band at? I guess I'm the cat. He's the cat. Red Band's the cat. That's right.

That's right. Because it's a blue pussy. Like a... Blue waffle. Like blue waffle. Blue waffle. There we go. I love that.

Ryan J., how you doing? You holding up, buddy? Oh, yeah, I guess I'm holding up all right. Can we see you are you naked or my god did you cut yourself for that red paint it's like a family reunion it's so good to see everybody's faces it is how are you doing buddy man your beard is. Man, your beard looks... Did you dye your beard? You have a nice beard right now.

Look at that fucking thick-ass beard. No, it just naturally... God damn it. Look at that. Look at that. You have great camera work there. Incredible what's happening here. Ryan J., how's life going?

What you been doing to pass the time? I've been watching Ryan J. He's been doing some awesome Instagram lives. Where he will paint and draw things right in front of you. Just out of nowhere. Mind-boggling fucking art. That's what I've been doing late at night when i'm done with everything else i've been trying to do sometimes me you and danny a couple times danny the main room sound uh

guy who does lights and sound for um yeah the lights and sound for the main room um legend of the comedy store one of the longest tenured employees there um and uh we've like all like sort of hung out in your instagram lives while you're drawing we'll catch up and talk about movies and shit like that it's really cool uh anything else ryan other than the sales going on at ryanjbelt.com anything else we should know about well i, I mean, there's something new in the shop. That's right. Ryan J. made a new Kill Tony shirt. Have you guys seen this?

No. There's a brand new Kill Tony shirt. RyanJEbelt.com. That's the only place to get it. Very limited, limited edition. So it's awesome. To see it, you have to go to RyanJEbelt.com.

Maybe you guys can bring that up, right? Look at this. Where is it at? So it's awesome to see it. You have to go to Ryan J E belt.com. Maybe you guys can bring that up, right? Look at this. Where's it at? Is it on there yet? Ryan? It's a real, it's in the store.

It should be on the front page or you can hit the kilting. It should bring it up, hit the kilt and it should bring it up. Oh, what is that? Is it there? It should be there. Is it that one to the right? Yeah, there it is. bring it up. What is that? Is it there? It should be there. Is it that one?

Yeah, there it is. There it is. Look at that. It's like a poster, but it's on a shirt. You can kill two birds with one stone. Oh, there it is. Get yourself the Kill Tony voodoo.

Your website crashed. The link isn't working. Everybody's on it right now. What about the select options button on that? Maybe that'll work. The one underneath that. Nope. Website crashed.

Got to get off that angel fire. What website company do you use for that? It's, uh, Got to get on squarespace.com slash kill Tony. Anyway, it's all good. There's a new shirt out there it'll be it'll be fixed within hours look how serious of a man ryan je belt is he's literally he has smoke coming out of his ears he's so mad at the link please buy this shirt he just announced that the shirt is for sale and we found out that the link doesn't work meanwhile michael layers just sold four skateboards ryan j we love you the shirts up ryanjebelt.com very limited edition there's a

wholesale going on posters shirts everything's there your favorite print from your favorite city or your favorite episode ryanjebelt.com, all one word. And that's another episode of Kill Tony. I had a lot of fun tonight. This was fun. Sam, Sarah, Omar, Matt, Kevin, Stacey, Michael, David, William, and Michael. We did it. Special thanks to Anthony and Gage back there in the booth.

Shout out to Betterbox. Thank you again, Gino. Go get a candle at gooddamco.com. Vito's Pizza, thank you to Charlie for keeping us all filled up with literally, I'm not lying, it is the best pizza in Los Angeles, without a fucking doubt. Don't let anybody lie to you, tell you that there's some janky New York pizza place in LA. There's not.

It's Vito or die. And that's it. That's another episode of Kill Tony. Let's check in with the band, everybody. Jeremiah Watkins, the leader of the band. Every single episode for years now. He is on YouTube at Jeremiah

Watkins. He's got a new episode of Jeremiah Wonders Out. Who's your guest this week? Tim Dillon. Whoa! Bringing in the heat. Hello. Instead of booking some like big janky celebrities, you're bringing in just the fucking funniest people. The goods. That's right.

Tim Dillon, without a doubt, will be recognized as the greatest standup comedian of all time. One day you heard it right here. I've said it before. I'll say it again. He will be known 20 years from now. They're not going to be talking about Chappelle. They're not going to be talking about any of the white guys. If I said their names,

I'd get in trouble because people would tweet your Instagram at those guys. Did you hear what Tony Hinchcliffe said about you? No. Tim Dillon is going to be known as funnier than everybody. He's on Venmo. Disgusting that he does this every week. He has no barometer for what desperation looks like. At Jeremiah Dash Watkins on Venmo. Disgusting that he does this every week. He has no barometer for what desperation looks like.

Add Jeremiah Dash Watkins on Venmo. It's disgusting. Do not send him money. Can I just say that people are already bullying me on Venmo, and Gray Morrison sent me a message that said, go buy yourself some followers, and he gave me a dollar. Yeah. I mean, you should be bullied.

It's very sad. How much for your soul? How much for 2% of your soul? I don't know. Is there a hit out on? All right. An unbelievable episode tonight. One of my favorite characters she's ever done.

Guys, let's all clap our hands for Jessie Johnson. She was Lucia the whole time, believe it or not. Jessie's at Jessie Johnson on social media. I love this performance tonight. Anything else we should know about Jesse? Just support your local artists. I think big business is doing great right now, and they will continue to do great. So if you have any extra spending money or can find a way to spend what you're looking for with local artists,

go find them and support them that way. There you go. There's Jesse Johnson. How about you, Joel Berg? Joel Jimenez. He's the backbone, everybody. Joel Berg. Nothing.

I love you guys. Happy to be doing this for you guys every week. Thanks for watching. Oh, Joel Berg makes a little cameo on the Tim Dillon episode. Oh, he does? Yep. What are you doing on? He might be playing some drums and jamming with one of our friends of the show's, Darwin.

Darwin started the band, I guess, is what I hear. Wow. I'm doing a, on 420, which is a week from today, I'm doing, we're going to be here doing an episode, of course, but before that, there is a massive, one of those online festivals taking place. Wiz Khalifa is on it. Joey Diaz is on it. I'm on it. I'm going to be for 10 minutes at some point between 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. roasting the day of 420. I'm making fun of pot culture and things like that for 420. And Weedmaps special comedy festival.

That's Weedmaps.com slash 420 so that's exciting um yeah and check out video games at red band on youtube uh youtube.com slash red band uh doing vr playing a lot of walkthroughs also uh check out the kill tony uh we released uh not only that documentary but uh we remastered the first one. And it has Dom Herrera and Ron White. We were talking about them, but you couldn't really see or hear them when we did that. And so check that out also.

Thanks a lot, guys. Yeah, the first quarantine episode from the Ice House. And yes, check out Roadkill. And thanks again to Jeremy up in Rabbit View. And he's from Canada. And that Vancouver episode two will be dropping soon really uh interesting um behind the scenes footage of your favorite live podcast kill tony thanks guys we'll see you again soon bye魂