KILL TONY - KILL TONY #467 – QUARANTINED #22

Episode Date: August 14, 2020

Ali Macofsky, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Jessie Johnson, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - 08/10/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Chuck out our website, Death Squad.TV. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show, and you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere. That's Death Squad.tv. Tony has his own website. Go to Tony Hinchcliff.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his own tour dates and his merch.

That's Tony Hinchcliff.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house. artist, he draws every episode and he sells prints of them. Go to Ryanjeebilt.com and pick up some cool Kill Tony stuff. And last but not least, the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe is Shop Squad.tv. There you got some Death Squad hats, shirts, and you also got some Kill Tony shirts left. That's at Shop Squad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band. Come to you live from the world famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony Hitchcliffe.

Just a couple dogs hanging out in the doghouse. We are live from the Comedy Store, Brian Redband, how are you? Hey, man, how are you doing? It's been a long time. It's been a long time. Shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step two. We are back at the world famous comedy store for another episode of Kill Tony. Live on the sunset strip. But before we get into it all, here's a little bit more from our amazing sponsors.

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episode of Kill Tony, including all the tour posters, and those are all for sale, sometimes for amazing auctions at Ryan J.E.Belt.com. We have the great Gino from LA Speedweed is here. Always incredible. Got us through the hardest part of this pandemic. Let us use the Great Better Box Studios. Go get yourself a candle at damn good candleco.com. Damn good candleco.com. And they even have a hinge me. I'm dreaming. They sold out, but I do believe perhaps they restocked that. And yeah, check out Caveman Coffee. Use the promo code Kill Tony. Get some Caveman Coffee, save some money, using the promo code Kill Tony, and delicious Vito's pizza. Here's Southern California.

Abidi, abidi, abidi, abdi, abdi, abdi, abdi, abdi, abdi, abe. In fact, not only do I eat their pizza, but I have been completely addicted to the baked ziti as of late. I didn't get to tell you, Charlie, I did it again this week. I did it again. I did it again. I postmated it. I almost want to, if I were to put on the special instructions on Postmade, if I was going to be like, what's up, Charlie, throw in a breadstick, you would see that, right?

Okay, I'm going to do that from now. Because those little breadsticks, you brought that one time, are like, I don't want to say they're better than the big bread sticks, but I mean, hello. Are they garlic? What's the deal with them? They're just tiny. I'd rather have, like, a couple tiny ones than, like, they have crazy bread sticks there. But it's like, for me, it's like a lot of work. I'm looking at this thing, like, God damn, it's like a loaf of bread.

I mean, it's great. I just want a little bit of bread. You know what I mean? I don't need all that bread. It's like you. You would love the normal breadsticks. I don't really. I don't really.

A little brach. You know, my new favorite thing is getting Fetuccino-A-Alfredo and then adding mushrooms to it. Oh, damn. It's like cream of mushroom soup almost. Hello. I get the baked Ziti from Vitos and I added the, they have like small meatballs there.

Either that or you like cut them in half or something. You just break them up. Oh my God, it's so fucking good. I mean, it's crazy. It's like a new, I have to make sure I'm not doing anything physical afterwards, you know. like riding an e-bike or anything. Hey, man. No serious exercise afterwards.

But anyway, a lot of fun stuff happening. I'm excited to be here. And we have a guest tonight. Very excited about this. Ladies and gentlemen, this young lady joining us for this entire episode, I can say with no ego at all, is one of my favorite human beings.

And she is truly Kill Tony royalty. I mean, she started on this show at the age of 19 years old. She became a regular at the age of 20. At that point, the comedy store enforced a rule that people under 21 aren't allowed in the building at all for any reason even to perform, which was a controversial law at the time, because you were allowed to perform on stage as long as you left right afterwards back then. So she had to break her tenureship of being a regular, and on her 21st birthday, she came back

to be a regular. Did it for years. Now opens up for the likes of Joe Rogan and a lot of the other best comedians. in the world, including her own headlining dates as of late. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you truly, one of the truly greatest regulars in the history of the show, a woman that has a full-fledged comedy career in an unbelievable podcast. I love her with all of my heart. One of my favorite humans and favorite comedians, it's the great Ali Makovsky, everybody.

Remember that music from when she was a regular? Wow, look at her. The baby girl is all growns-ups, everybody. Hi. Hello, Allie. How are you? Oh my gosh, I'm good. I'm so happy to have you here.

I'm so happy to be here. I am a big fan of yours. I get a little bit starstruck around you. So this is exciting. Welcome, welcome. Thank you. You've been doing a lot of skateboarding on your Instagram as of late. It's very inspiring.

Yeah, so I've had like this skateboard for four years because I thought that if I got a skateboard, skater boys would fall in love with me, and that didn't happen, so I just stopped skating. And then this guy came over to my house to look at a room that was open, and he mentioned that he was a skater. And so when he was leaving, I saw my board that I haven't ridden road. Yeah.

Okay. In like four years, and I'm like, what do I do with this? Can I sell it? Do I just give it to a kid? And he picks it up and he looks at it, and he was like, this is my pro model. skateboard. So now we've been skating together.

Wow. Yeah. Are you learning fast? Kind of, somewhat, to some extent. Well, I actually had Allie. I asked her if she would bring her skateboard here with her, and you did. I brought it. So I'm thinking maybe at the end of tonight's episode, if she's willing to do us the

honor, I'm thinking maybe you could try a little trick here on the greatest stage in the history of comedy. How'd be amazing? I'm pretty nervous about that. I am nervous because I ate shit. so hard today just like trying to do a cool turn to like put my skateboard in my trunk like I wasn't doing anything except trying to turn and I fell so hard there's a lot of people that fall down on this show but you know what they pick themselves up and that's what matters in the end I believe that's

what the great Michael Kane said in all of the Batman movies it's about picking yourself up oh that's Bain that was Bain I got I get all my voices Batman voices if I do eat shit and like end up handicapped do I get to be become a regular on the show. Absolutely. You will become a regular. Yet again, you will be, we have many wheelchair regulars now, and you will be added to the club. You guys can come out in a little choo-choo train once in a while. Okay, Ali, I don't know if you remember this, but there's a band on this show. Yeah, and they're the best band band in the land. Every single episode, they commit to being different characters.

Let's find out what they are tonight. As I present to you the best stand-band in land. It's the Kieltony band. Jeremiah Walkins, Joelberg, Jolimenez, Chroma, Chris, and the Jetsky, Jesse. Johnson. Here we go. Oh, this is scary music. What is this? Oh, my God. Chesky, get out there, show these people what's going on. I literally have no idea what they're supposed to be, by the way. You guys all work at like a haunted house, a Halloween house or something? Welcome ghouls and goblins to Channel 9's horror-themed show. Wow. Ben Oregon is in for a scare tonight.

Oh my goodness. I thought you were Tommy Wiso from the room for a second. I did not hit her. I did not. Oh, hi, Jeremiah. That's not Jeremiah. What's your name? My name's Vincent Shadow.

Vincent Shadow. I'm going to write that one down because that seems easy to forget. Vincent Shadow. And who's this little golly gobble? When you think of the shadows, I will be there. All right. Who's this little googly goblin you got here? Is that Edna Scissorhands over here?

Hey, I'm a skeleton. Oh, you are? What's your name? Just skeleton. Oh, hi, Skeleton. Welcome to the Shetzerhands. Show Skeleton. You came out.

You were all silly and stuff. You swing that arm. That's like your trademark. Whoa. A lot of it can do with these bones. And then who's this young cowboy back here? Good evening. Skeletons and Creatures of the Night.

This is your host on AM 6.6. Terror Hour. It's Gouli. Thank you for dropping in. Goolee? Your name's Gouley? That's his career. These are my favorite band characters of all time.

I know it's early in the show. I don't want to curse it. I don't want to ruin it, but I already love these guys. Does someone say curse? And there's a beautiful woman here. Absolutely stunning. What's your name, little lady? My name's Jol Vira.

And I am a regional horror host in Texas, Channel 9. Oh, my goodness. You really put the whore in horror. Well, you just stole my opening joke, but. Back to you in the studio, Tony. She thought of that for three months. Just big bold letters at the top of the page. Do not forget.

Do not forget. Hoor, whore. Oh, that's great. Well, Joel Vyra, hopefully you have a little bit more up your sleeve, even though you don't have sleeves. Oh, you're getting into it. I like it. Oh, my goodness.

This is a Halloween spectacular, everybody. Hey, welcome to October 31st. The great David Deary is here helping us out. We have a very fun episode. I do believe, planned. So let's just jump right into it. This first guy kicking it off. He's been on the show a couple times before, and he's back.

It is Kyler Bentley, everybody. Here's some music, because here comes Kyler Bentley. Yeah, here's Kyler Bentley. Hey, I live in a... a senior living facility. And I know what you're thinking. I'm too young, but they have a saying where I live. It's you're only as old as you feel. And I feel like a dirty old man. So I fit in just fine. I just found out I'm next on the list for a HUD housing rent voucher. So I'm waiting for one of my neighbors to die. Yeah, it's kind of weird hoping for that to happen. But I'm a

I know who I hope it is and oddly enough it is not the alleged pedophile. Yeah, he's a good guy. He lets me use his Wi-Fi. They say there's a lot of cliches about the senior living facility. Like every one has an Esther living there. It's not true. We have two esters. So somewhere there's a senior center missing an

Fuck yeah Tyler Bentley Getting it started with a bang I love that performance Very very funny senior living facility Is that true? I'm not sure I've never seen evidence of pedophilia there

No I mean you live in a senior facility Yeah that's cool My mom once lived in a senior facility For a couple years It was interesting It wasn't really, it wasn't like a facility. It was like a luxury apartments just for old people. Your mom?

But she qualified. Yeah, she was old enough. You had to be like 60. I didn't mean, actually, maybe you had to be like 50. It was like 20 years ago. Wow. It was for just a couple years. But it was awesome.

Anyway, so is it like, how senior living in a facility? Is it like what I'm talking about was like separate apartments in a building? Is this like more like a nursing home or what are we talking about? No, it's like a regular apartment complex, but you got to be senior or disabled to live there. Okay. Is it mostly senior? Yeah, I've got like a lot of surrogate grandmas that, you know, give me cookies. Heck yeah.

Do you get hit on? Because I heard they're like super horny and they're on Viagre and shit like that. That's like the number one thing I hear. You're so handsome. He gets lots of blow jobs there and they call it Meals on Wheels. Oh my goodness. Whoa. Glarp, glurp, glurp.

Gouls and gals. Oh, my goodness. channel 9. Welcome to Kill Tony. That's very exciting. Hello, it's a ghost. Do you guys ever play games? Do they have like community events or anything like that?

Oh yeah, bingo's a big, big thing there. Do you play bingo? Favorite bingo number is B9. Wow. Yeah, it perfectly describes bingo. It's not really fun, but it's not cancer either. That's true. Benign tumor.

I heard bingo is actually pretty fun. I know a lot of hipsters that would go there and go to the bingo hall. Red band's favorite bingo number is I-8. Tony's favorite one is come in his mouth. That's not how bingo works, Brian. That is not how bingo works. That is not how it works. However, that is my favorite bingo.

Do you ever do stand-up for the seniors? I actually was doing a monthly show before COVID hit. I'd get a bunch of other open micers and people I know to come and cheer the old people up. How's the COVID hit the assisted living place? Oh, it's like Hitler running the place over there, man. It's on serious lockdown. Yeah, it's wild, right? Masks required, and even if there's nobody around you, where's your mask?

Right. Yeah, exactly. People are freaking out. Has anybody gotten it? A lot of ambulances swinging by as a late? No, crazy enough, nobody's had the COVID there. That's good. It must be in a nice part of town, not too far east, huh?

No, it's really far east. East. Oh, it is? How far? I mean, not far east, like China Far East, but Montclair. Montclair? Yeah. It's about 45 minutes from here. I'm looking at Joel Vyra. I will put this nail in your coffin, Tony. Joel Vyra is our senior East L.A. correspondent. Yeah. My favorite bingo number is be quiet. Joelberg. Wow, real Joelberg chant. Look that good job joel viro whoa getting started with a little whoa you ever steal any like jewelry or anything expensive from any of these old people that are about to die good question uh no my neighbor

says he has a ten thousand dollar domino set though oh red red band or dominoes like cheesy bread that's expensive 10 000 cheese bread that must be the best cheesy bread ever 10 thousand dollar dominoes that's only a week at my place Wait, why would that be? I don't get it. It's my impression of red band. Ooh, a reverse. Hello?

That sucked. You called him to tell him? Yeah. Oh, it's a bitter ghost. Kyler, what's your sex life like? Have I asked you this before? No, but that's how I know that you're not gay, Tony, because only straight guys ask me that question.

There you go. It's pretty much non-existent. Rock solid science. But that's not because things don't work. It's just I have no game. Well, you know what? We have good news for you. Joel Vira is ready to have anal sex.

Here we go. Look at those hairy armpits. Can you do that? Have you ever been to Transylvania? Hey. There you go. That's a fucking slid that right in there. Go get the purple dildo.

Oh, shit. I love it, man. Well, Kyler, I love that we're able to squeeze you in here and up here. What do you got planned for the rest of the night? Anything crazy? I got Aphrodite waiting in my access right outside. Oh, I love that. Yeah, so it's going to be a tight squeeze this evening.

Oh, black magic. Hell yeah. Cocoa butter. Allie. Ali, you've seen Kyler around the circuit, right? Yeah, it's so nice being here because I haven't seen him since, you know, all the stuff closed down. And I always ask him lots of questions about his wheelchair situation. And you are bad at spitting game because I feel like, you know, there could have been some moments where I would have busted down on that chair.

But sometimes it falls flat. I remember one of our conversations, me and you have something in common, is that. we don't orgasm. Whoa. I didn't want to bring it up. There you go. My goodness. Was that a secret?

Looks like the only nuts being busted here tonight are in the peanut gallery. Where. Okay, put your phone down. That joke brought to you by John's manure company. On 3rd Avenue,

go get you manure. Wait, is that a Channel 9 reference? Yes. Kyler Bentley, ladies and gentlemen, so much fun. Thank you. The great Kyler Bentley. I like the bullet.

What? Oh, yeah. Kyler Bentley. Kyler Bentley. Kyler Bentley stand up on social media. Absolutely. That's where you can follow him. All right.

Let's see. What do we got here? What do we got? I don't see William or David in this room. that correct? Oh, at the same time? Okay. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, tell one of them to come over here. God, it's unbelievable. I mean, it's just, I mean, just, amateur. Yeah, absolutely. It's like, sub-retarded, like to call that retarded. You know, when Allie, when Allie was a regular, we didn't have to deal with such annoying, annoying, waiting, ready, everything written, prepared,

professional, ready to go. They cost me so much. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Allie, Ali, Allie, it's in your head. In your head.

Zombie, zombie. Okay. All right. Go grab Tony Gidley. I pulled Tony Gidley out. He works in the kitchen here. This is very exciting. This is going to be.

I believe his first time ever doing stand-up comedy. Here he is Tony Gidley. We got him, David. We got him. Gidley. Tony Gidley. It is Tony Gidley. Here he is.

Tony Gidley, everybody. Here he goes. Here he is, Tony Gidley. Should I have my mascot? No. Okay. So do you guys know what the, you guys know what the most popular 2020 children's new names are, G. Lane and Maxwell. Too soon? No. There's a few couple. There's a couple months left in the

year. She's still got some time to die. Let's see. I'm really out of breath, not even running. So I was hanging out with my little cousins anyway. And I opened up the refrigerator from my little cousin. I said, you want some of the seven up? And he's like, no, I'm only six. And I was like, all right, well, do you want some of this Coke? And he said, yeah, line it up, motherfucker. And we had a good time. Basketball all night. So, yeah, I was at a bar watching Steph Curry.

I hate, you know, I love to hate that guy. So I'm sitting there screaming at the TV. I'm like, fuck Curry. I fucking hate Curry. Curry sucks donkey dicks. And then just then a guy came out from behind the bar. He said, excuse me, sure, but curry is very important to our native cuisine. Take it easy, bro.

Plus it can hit the three. Wow. There you go. It is in your head. The zombies are in your head. Tony Gidley, welcome to the show. This was your first time doing stand-up comedy? Incorrect.

Oh, you've been doing it a while. I started in 2019 in January at a potluck, and I've been doing mics and a show called Comedy Chow ever since. Awesome. Okay. It's your first time on Kill Tony, though. I've signed up, but I've not been on. Correct.

Okay. You look a lot different, by the way, than pre-quarantine. It's true. He started drinking water. He was very dehydrated. I used to make fun of him for not drinking enough water, and now you are completely hydrated. Yeah. Yep.

You've been exercising a lot? You've been out on your e-bike? Nope. No? Oh, you're an e-biker? No, I just... I don't know what the fuck that is. No, it's nothing.

Have you been exercising? I just hiked, just went for a hike today. That's it. See, when you're, let me just catch you guys up on something you might not know. If you're truly white trash, all you need to do is work out once and you get compliments for like three days. People are like, oh my God, you look great. Do you do something? It's like I went on a 30 minute hike earlier.

That's it. I got all of my fucking unemployment money just recently. Oh, really? What'd you do with it? How'd you spend it? I bought some hiking shoes. Wow. Did you spend $10,000 on?

Domino's? No, but I could. You got hiking shoes? What else did you get? I got a couple of pairs of shoes. You just bought shoes. Jesus. I think somebody went looting on Melrose in June.

I spent all of my money on shoes. Size 15. You're making a grave mistake right now, Tony. Six feet away, motherfucker. My goodness. So what kind of shoes did you get? I actually got shoes that are like Nike all conditions gear.

So they're called ACG, which is actually my initials. ASG? ACG. ACG. All conditions gear. Oh my goodness. They're the most comfortable hiking boots that I have worn. Wow.

Where are you hiking? Just Kenneth Hahn primarily. He specializes in trash piles and landfills. Yeah. I grew up on like 14 acres in the woods. Is that true? where were the woods at? Michigan.

Oh, what part of Michigan? Right in the middle. Right by the capital. Oh my goodness gracious. Wow, you are truly just born in an ashtray. Absolutely. That is incredible. What do your parents do for work?

Both retired now. What did they used to do? We worked at a factory? Yeah, I worked at plenty of factories. My dad was a Vietnam veteran, is a Vietnam veteran, Marine. I can see you carried on his looks, the bandana, the facial hair. You look like a young Vietnam vet yourself. 100%.

This is the longest that my hair has ever been, but yeah, totally. Yeah. And how about your mom? She used to be a bus driver. Absolutely not. She's a prison warden. Whoa. Close.

I was close. Bus driver and prison warden are right next door at the White Trash Family Employee Benefit Place. They have the same shapes, too. Yes, absolutely. Very, very strong. Your mom has broad shoulders? Sure. Oh, you know she does. Come on, dude. She's a stout young woman still, yeah. Do you remember any stories? Like, was there any, like, she always got stabbed once? Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. Well, not she didn't get stabbed, but she would tell me that guys would, like, cut themselves open just to, like, be able to go to the hospital or whatever.

Oh. And then eventually that, that fucking scar would just open up. up with their finger. I call that flirting. So they could just go to the hospital or whatever the fuck was going on. You call that for-played Joel Vira? Flirting. Oh.

They made her like, they made her all kinds of crafts and like they painted pictures for her and shit. Oh my goodness. Hey, this is a picture of me raping you, bitch. And they also masturbated in her. I used my own shit to paint it.

What did you think about that joke that I just made skeleton? I'm laughing to the bone. Oh, my goodness. What's something that, what's something crazy that we'd find a little bit wild about you, Tony Gidley? You seem like you have a lot of skeletons in your closet. Crazy? I'm not very crazy.

I make beats. You do? Make a lot of beats. You do? Can you beatbox a little bit for us right now? I guess I could beat. Here we go, everybody is one of the rare live performances that we're getting. He's putting on his mask.

He's going future on us. Yeah, who would have thought beatbox? would be one of the most dangerous things to do. He's got one of the official killtony masks on. This is very exciting. He's a big fan of the show. Represent.

That's right. Middle. Oh, shit. That's your from a nipaphram yet. That's your from a nipa. Yeah. That's your from a nipa bam yet. Oh, there comes that bass.

Goose and boo. Wow, that was incredible. ACG. Wow Beatbox If your mom's a prison guard Let me search it That is incredible

And speaking about Finding out how hard you have to work it You're actually working in the kitchen right now You are on duty You're the only person to get paid While being a guest on Kill Tony In a very, very long time That's what I'm talking about

That is absolutely incredible How do you like working in the kitchen Here at the Comedy Store? Oh, it sucks It does? Yeah What do you dislike about it? Just the grease.

Just greasy. Yeah, it's a lot of grease. If you can't handle the heat, you're going to love hell. Oh, my goodness. I heard they have s'mores there. That's heaven you're thinking of. How the fuck are you going to cook a smore in heaven? They have, they have.

Yeah, you have your own. Air friars. They have air friars. You can cook it anywhere in hell. Microwaves. Snap your fingers. You're in heaven, baby. I can't go.

I'm jealous. Are you guys, did you guys, all you guys go to hell when you died? We're alive, we're TV shows. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Channel 9, bend Oregon. Oh, so these are just characters

that you guys play. We are regional TV horror host, Tony. Oh. Wow, that laugh was very scary. How'd you do that? well when things are buried deep between your legs with secrets then it just comes from the bowels of goodness of the bottom of the taints oh god all right uh tony oh okay tony that's very back to the kitchen you go tony gidley everybody what's your social media tony giddley 28 Tony gidley 28 it's in your hair right we're having fun here

Hey, look, one of the regulars is here. They were both performing at the same time in a fucking window during the show a minute ago. But one of them is here. You know this guy, very controversial figure. A lot of people say he is the most beloved person ever. A lot of people absolutely want to murder him on site. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the big red machine, the red dead revolver. The redhead with the bread shed.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is lights. out William Montgomery You y'all I wrote this set when I was in New York City last week I was about to perform at showtime at the Apollo bunch of blacks spoiler alert

smashing pumpkins is a cool band name if I named my band after my high school hijinks we'd call ourselves shooting schools I miss the old weather channel. Show me some lo-fi graphics accompanied by elevator jazz.

Now you've got world strangest weather and shit is programming. Bitch, I got you two. Hey, Redband, when you receive a gallon of Nugenics in the mail, don't blame me, queer. That's a testosterone joke. Red Band is pretty much a bitch. Wow. Yeah, are you gonna really look at me that way, Red Band?

Wow. William, closing on a joke calling Red Band a bitch. That is not an angle very much used on Red Band. When I saw Red Band, I was at his place three nights ago. I was at his glory. I would never let you at my house, you fucker. I was in his glory hole in his bath. annoy the fuck out of me.

I saw it's or any Oriental Are you gonna use another racist term from the 90s you fuck? Wow. Are you really gonna say that? No, no. Are you calling my girlfriend?

You said I can watch. Are you calling my girlfriend Oriental bitch? You said I could watch. Oh, red bands, Red band's walking over there. David, are you on camera? You think I'm a bitch? You think I'm a fucking bitch?

You're gonna do this? We were friends the other night. We were friends the other night. This is great. I watched his Chinese girlfriend suck his dick. Right now they're like blood brothers, but like with COVID instead of blood. And some bubble-ish bubblegum? The Corona Brona's William and Redband.

The Bubbellish. Hey, Red Band, I did send you the Nukes. Oh, he's about to get his pistol. Oh, Red Band. I know he's cleaning. Y'all are in for a treat. This is about to be on Lively. Red Band is about to murder me.

Red band, that's not how things work. Yeah, where do you think we are, the Orient? Bringing a new meaning to Death Squad. Yeah, where is the Death Squad, the Orient? William, William. Let's talk about your set a little bit here. What set? I didn't see anything.

There was some really... You would say that bit, William. That set was very disorienting. William. Thank you. I appreciate that. William You had some really great jokes in your set

I really like the smashing pumpkin school shooter joke It was very very good very well written Very in your style and your voice Well-paced well-timed out and got a big laugh How's this week been going for you? It's been pretty good I am now a salesperson A singles person

No a sales person for the board game Jumanji. I've been playing a bunch of board games. Try to get that die out of my hands because you're not going to be able to. I'm playing Jumungi tonight. Jumungi? I'm playing Jumongi.

Okay, Brian. You know my least favorite board game? Live. I sort of don't like Monopoly. What do you think about Monopoly? Whoa. Red Band is very mad at you for, calling his Oriental girlfriend Oriental.

This is really interesting. He is mad. I saw her suck his penis two nights ago in his fucking shower. And I think all the listeners want to know. Where did you see this out? He just, he's not loud at my house. Me and David hang out and have barbecues all the time. I won't let him my house.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Plot hole with that story. Hold on. Plot hole with that story. Redband doesn't shower. Yeah.

This is wild. But he stuck his penis. It looks a lot like mine. You weren't in his house, correct? I was in his bathroom. I saw his thing come through the hole, very slow. What did his thing look like? Sort of like a squirrel grabbing onto a pecan.

What did it look like? Hold on who messed my joke up? Who said that? It doesn't matter. I'm kidding, I love you. William, what did you say that it looked like? It looked like when Red Band stuck his penis through the shower hole and his Oriental girlfriend was bending over. It looked like a squirrel holding on to peanuts.

A squirrel holding on to peanuts? A squirrel holding on to peanuts. And I didn't know what to do. What noise does a squirrel make? Okay. I heard a bunch of that. William, you're really good at making animal noises. Can you do a cow?

How about a horse? Hold on. Oh, that's what a horse says? What else? Go me more animals. Okay. A skunk. Ah!

All right. How about a walrus? Hey, he is. Wait, that's an Australian person. It's an English. English person going to the match. Okay. How he is?

How about a dolphin? What noise does a dolphin make? Flipper. Okay. This is really, this is really good. gone downhill fast. All right. I don't think it has it?

One last one. Do an impression. Allie, get my bag. Do an impression of a dog. I'm going to lose the fucking caboose. I love that joke. What do you think about

William's style and delivery? You know, I love William. How long were you the regular? I feel like how long were you doing it? I've now been doing it a year and seven months. She's longer than you. I don't remember.

It's all a blur. I'm wondering. I have a random question. Would you ever replace Will I Am from the Black Eyed piece? Yes, last time I heard he was a part of Queen. Do you like Black Eyed Peace? I like when Will I Am sings the Bohemian Rhapsody song, and I just get into it.

And I can't help but think, where is Red Band's Chinese Girl Proop? I want to see you. her put her lips around his penis. Hey, where's your girlfriend that beats you up, you little bitch? Yeah. Why don't you show me another bruise every week from you getting hit, you little

famickie? Are you fucking with me right now? Did you read all the news? She's in the hospital. Why? Why? Because she'd hit herself and then called the cops and said that you did it? She got in a fight with a ghost. Really? I'm kidding. That would... I've been

watching a bunch of date line. That is a date line. All right, William, before we let you go, can we see your impression of a mosquito? Of a what? Mosquito, the bug that flies and sucks the blood of people. Hey, dude, just take your socks off. Could you do an impression of me?

Yeah, do one of Allie. Stand a little closer to the goddamn fence. That's very interesting. That's an interesting tape. Give me another one. Can you do an impression of red band? Hold on. I get it.

We're up in outer space now, but you all realize I am a dice shooting gambler. Is there any sort of, what's that word again? When you're up in space, is there any gravity in here? That's a great Brian red band impression. You put the ice that you were going to throw at you back in a cup.

Give me another one. It's actually pretty good. No, that's it. Okay. There he goes. William Montgomery, everybody. William Montgomery is a William Montgomery. It's a William Montgomery.

He is William Montgomery. We already did that. That was Kyla Bentley. My mouth tastes like Clorox. Yeah, that was a very bizarre maneuver. I mean, Trump said it would work, right? No, that's not what he said at all. At all.

He said that there should be some type of cleansing agent. in a vaccine, which there are in other vaccines. There's formaldehyde. He was actually right about that. And he was right about Sunshine killing it. But they don't go back and look at any of these things. Go ahead, Ali Mikovsky. Thank you, Mr. President.

Don't you produce his podcast with the... Yeah. I mean, I did. Oh, my goodness. Me and David have been looking for a replacement for a while. Oh, my goodness. You stop it, Brian. We actually talked last week about it.

You know what? I pulled another name out of the bucket, and we're going to knock it out right now. Ladies and gentlemen, this young man's first time on the show, put your hands together for Pedro Miho, everybody. Here he is. Here's Pedro Miho. Thank you for an introduction. So, you know what I find very unfair?

You know, I find very unfair when you're in fighting a girl. And her friends find it very odd that she is fighting you, so she gets into it. I also think that it's also unfair that, you know, she kind of takes her time. The guy usually just jumps in. No, fucks you haven't. so there's that there was a there was a time i i uh i had a girl that i was really into and like every other pursuit it ended uh with misery despair and uh self-loathe also known as memuelo memuelo would you like to say hi hello yes oh shut the fuck up all right so okay okay okay

so there was a there was a There you go, Pedro. I only have to. Only have to. It's okay. Pedro. Very good. Pedro, that was a very unorthodox set.

How long have you been doing comedy? I've been doing it for about a month and a half. Month and a half. You started during the pandemic? Obviously. How old are you? 25. Six.

25 this year. No, 226 this year. When? When's your birthday? It's actually next month. September. Yeah. September what?

22. We're Virgo. Wow. What's yours? September 8th? Oh, my goodness. Mine is September 11th. Wow.

That way you never forget. Oh, my gosh. Didn't see that one coming at all. I'm a regional TV horror host. It's also 9-11 because that joke crashed and burnt. 9-11. My favorite bingo number is be quiet. That joke was already made.

Why did the chicken cross? Okay. Pedro, welcome to the show. You are 25, going on to 27. very quickly. I still feel like you might be 17. Yeah, I just say he's like 15. You are.

You have those young ages. Any of your classmates? Forget, I'm not going to make that joke. Hey, what's your favorite science teacher? What's her name? Oh, boy. She was Miss Hope. She was.

He passed a test. Okay. Red band's still deeply affected from the words of William Montgomery minutes ago, still riding that adrenaline and perhaps a bleach poisoning running through his veins. Pedro, tell us about your life.

You're 25. What do you do for work? All right, so I don't really have a job except working at a factory whenever I feel like going. Why do you have such a lax schedule at the factory? Well, because I just feel like, you know, there's so many things to do throughout the day. Why do I need to be slaving over something that I... What kind of factory is it? You're such a bad comedian.

I feel like it could be the laugh factory. It's a cookie factory. It's a cookie factory. It's a cookie factory? A cookie factory? A cookie factory? Yes. Uh-oh.

Red band's new favorite? comedian of the year. I don't like sweets. Oh, I don't either. Your Instagram at 4 a.m. tells an entirely different story. Yeah, meat and cheese, a different story. You're right.

I love having that a night. So what kind of cookies are you making over there? You guys know the J&J... No, that's this brand name. Jenny, Jerry's... The whole cookie, you know, the one with the crazy hairs and stuff.

Yeah. taste nasty. The cookies that you make taste nasty. They taste nasty because they're not made with love. What are you good at? You make shitty cookies, you write shitty jokes. So what's like a talent that you have? Well, I did serve my country.

What did you serve? What did you do? You serve them cookies? What are we talking about here? Now I do. But no, I used to serve for the military back in 2013-213 to 16 for the U.S. Army at Fort Hood. Really?

Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. What branch of the military were you in? Army. The Army? Yes. Why do I feel like you're lying?

How many push-ups can you do? 25. I'm not going to do it, though. Why? Because I don't feel like doing it. What if we had William do 25 alongside of you? William, will you be down? Come on.

Here we go. Lay down, guys. Here we go. 25 push-ups coming from both of them. There's some armed forces music coming at you. Here we go. 25 push-ups. One, two.

Two, three, four. Come on, this is for America. Keep up, William. This is very exciting. Wow, this kid really was in the Army. This is very impressive. All right. This is very impressive.

Okay, guys, you're good, you're good. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough. This kid just dominated you in a push-up competition, William. How does that make you feel without using the mic? microphone. She's nowhere to be found. Okay, there goes William Montgomery.

Here he goes. He's hogging it up on his way back to his seat. Pedro, what's your love life like? I got a girlfriend that I don't like as much as I should. Wait, what? I have a girlfriend. I don't acknowledge as much as I should. Why don't you acknowledge your girlfriend? Because she's not here. Where is she?

That's a good question. What does that mean? I think she's with her family. What? What? Oh, this just in the weather report. I'm more than sure she's with her family. I'm pretty sure.

Merkie with a chance of moon tonight. Okay. What do you mean you're pretty sure she's with her family? What does this mean? Be more clear. It means that I don't like to keep tracks on her, but I know in good faith that she's with her family. When's the last time you spoke with her? Like about an hour before I got in here.

Oh, okay. So she's with her family. Jesus. Christ. You're paranoid or something. I don't know where she is right now. She's no longer with us. She's with her family.

Exactly. You have a really interesting energy. Thank you. Like when you walked out, you seem like really comfortable and adorable and sweet. And now you seem very like nervous and you're trying like I feel like because you're new you're like trying to figure out like who you are. But you're not being yourself. So it's really hard to like get a read on you.

And it seems like you're really charmed. and sweet, and you don't have to be like a mysterious bad boy with a girlfriend. Yeah, it's like a helicopter. He's having flashbacks to the war. Oh, God, Red Band. Actually, there was a shooting that it was there, and they thought it was me, but no, that wasn't it. Oh, my goodness. Wow.

Why did they think it was you? Dude, look at me. I'm white. I was the first kid. You're not white. Everybody looks at me, and they're like, hey, that's the white boy. No, they don't. You obviously don't know where I, you don't live where I live.

Nobody does that. Your name is Paige. and you look like a Pedro. Thank you. Oh, look at that. That is the whitest dance I've ever seen. I don't got it. I don't got it.

You're our senior East Los Angeles correspondent. What do you think about this guy? What race would you call him? This guy's my cousin, eh? Oh, shit. There you go, man. Oh, damn. God, I thought that was fucking digits for a second over there.

He's only a white guy at the Million Man March. Yeah, we were featured on a fool. gone wild. Did you see that? Oh, what? We were feeding a clip of, did you guys see that? Los D digits was on a viral, a massive Mexican,

it's basically like World Star, but for Latinos, on the episode where I asked him, what's your first pickup line when you meet a girl? And he goes, what's up, fool? That's the whole clip, and it just keeps going over and over again.

It's really funny. That's great. Where are you going, man? All right. How long have you been with this, girl? For about three years. Is she Latino as well?

Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. Is she? Yeah, she is. Have you ever gotten her pregnant? How many times? 20? I don't want to talk about it. Have you ever gotten her pregnant?

No, I just, that's... Oh, gosh. Pedro, this is an interview. Interviews are supposed to be compelling. How about we talk about the military? Yeah, this is more interesting than... Was your girlfriend the one who inspired your joke about getting in fights? No.

What was that joke? I was confused. So, I thought the joke was funny, because... I was trying to make a longer joke, and it did not work out. I didn't have enough time in order to get to that joke. So at the end, there was a good punchline in. Pedro, I like your style, dude. You just keep writing, keep trying, don't give up.

There's something in there. There's something deep in there. But I'm always good at one good talent that I have is I can spot somebody before they even do anything decent of what their potential is. I have a good barometer for potential, and I see you being a teapot full of potential. Thank you so much. There he goes.

Pedro Miho, ladies and gentlemen. The king of potential. Fuck yeah. One of the comedians with the most potential we've ever seen. All potential, that guy. Pedro Miho. Shitty cookies. Shitty cookies.

Shitty at his factory. He was bad at the military. He's a bad boyfriend, but a lot of potential is a comedian. We have another regular, ladies and gentlemen, roast God, joke writing guru, one of my favorite human beings. Ladies and gentlemen, it's David Lucas.

Here he is. Let's do this shit. Here he is. The great David Lucas. Yeah. The WNBA is back, and these holes are complaining about their pay. Everybody knows the WMBA sucks.

I think they should be paid by the hour and if they get over 20 points then you can get a bonus bitch but you're not getting what LeBron gets. Nobody wants to pay thousands of dollars to sit courtside to see a game full of layups until you hoes are throwing alley-oops

and breaking backboards sorry man what the fuck? Oh shit What the fuck? No it's because Tony has to talk to William like he's

a kid. All right, man, fucking, that's the end of the joke, bro. That's the end of the joke. David Lucas. That was great. WNBA is the perhaps the most

unwatchable sport ever. You think so? Oh, yeah. You watch it? I don't mind it. I think baseball is way worse to watch. Have you ever watched a WNBA game? Oh, WM? I'm sorry. I said NBA.

No. We're talking about the WNBA. Oh, my God. I'm in tears. The way you talk to Williams. I mean, it's just unbelievable. And by the way, it works. The way I talk to William works. I gave him the old shaky finger immediately. It's all so hard. It works.

I get direct results. I've known William for a while now. I've communicated with them many different ways. I used to communicate like an adult, like a human, like I, like someone that respect somebody. And now I'm stuck communicating the way that works. A lot of hand signals, a lot of this, a lot of that. Very good.

Good job, William. Tony, next up you'll be communicating by Ouija board. Hey, Tony, the Allie tell you that she aborted our baby? Oh, is this shrill? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Fucking Allie. Wow.

I'm surprised David. You ain't told nobody? That's why my nickname is Back Alley. Oh, I like that Back Alley. We were trying to have a. Big's baby in hopes that they would be like the greatest comedian ever. Oh my goodness.

She got scared seven weeks in. Wow. She must have let Donnell get her pregnant instead. You cheated on me? You know, I don't like to be exclusive. Yeah, that's why she went out of town because she was sad and shit. Wow.

We would have the ugliest baby. I'm handsome. Well, you're handsome too. That's so cool that the last comedian and let you use his military sleeping bag as a T-shirt tonight. Did you wear that shirt last week? Or a couple of weeks ago. Same outfit.

He was actually a couple months ago. A couple of months ago, I wore the same outfit. He's from the hood, Fort Hood. Tony's dressed like a gay marathon runner. That's what I am. I've come out as both a marathon runner and gay in this past week. Yeah, motherfucker. Sprint to the dick.

That's right. I sprint to the dick. And when I hear the gunshot, I go, oh, my God, no. What do you think of the baton is? Right. When Tony hear a gunshot, he called the police. That's right. I do. Even if I'm the one shooting it, I'll call the police on myself. Excuse me, there's a gay man with a gun. Sir, is it you?

Right. Anyway, David, you talked about the WNBA. Women playing. Allie, what are your thoughts on the WNBA? You're very pro-women. You are considered by many to be a feminist. You're very much, some people say the next Amy Schumer. Better. What? Better. That's my mother. I know. I'm kidding, David. That's a joke, David. Come on. Yeah, I don't watch. I don't watch if, no. Right. No. Yeah. And I also think that they don't deserve equal pay because they're not getting the same amount of views. You are exactly correct. It's not because of like a men, women thing. I think if more people appreciated WNBA, then I'd be all for it. But people aren't into it from what I'm. aware of. You are absolutely right.

The ratings make it so that it is an absolute laughable joke. The only reason that they don't get rid of it, in fact, because it is truly unwatchable. The only reason companies lose money just to have the image of being

involved with women, but nobody's watching. I think it's good, though. At least it's there, whether they're losing money or not. Maybe there's some young lesbians out there, not sure who to look up to. Ellen's out of the picture for them. That is true.

They can look up to Tony still. Oh, Joel Vira, how dare you? Hold on. Keep Angel playing for a second. I like this segment that we're into right now. Because now I'm going to switch over. I'm going to go to Skeleton on this one. Skeleton, another lovely lady of Kill Tony fame.

What do you think about the WNBA? You're very pro-women, usually. Let's see what happens here. I'm, you know, if they want to play ball, let them play ball. Wow. I think they should do it in skirts, though. No bones about it. Skeleton is, oh, yes.

That's how they do it. They got to do that shit naked. They hit it with a trumpet. Yeah, but Tony, the more to add to that joke was you don't even see women that stand up for women sitting court tie. You never see Beyonce or Oprah at no damn. Hell no. Absolutely. Absolutely not.

There's nobody courtside. I sat court side at an L.A. Sparks game for 125 bucks. Yeah. That's not in crazy. Why would you do that? took my daughter to some shit Jesus Christ There was a positive experience with your daughter

The only court side seats David has ever had was at the mall In the food court Wow A long way to get there Shut your bisexual Mozart licking ass up Oh Shut your hamiflage ass up

You look like Beethoven's lover He said hamiflage That motherfucker wrote a waltz Will you roast me And you just bought some mules Hello. Oh shit. Allie's asking for a roasting right now.

Allie looked like the type of bitch that commit suicide after she get fucked. Wow. That joke died. You look like you cut yourself when you can't find your hair tithes. The only thing she squirts is blood when she's slitting her wrist. Ooh, there with those. Okay. All right.

Over there. Vincent Shadow. Just really saying everything that comes to his head right now. That was quality. That was quality. Rewind the tape, Channel 9, Bend, D'Aar. Anything else for the alley roast? Joeberg looks like the homosexual Mona Lisa.

Oh, you know what? I'm a woman. Fuck out of here, nigga. You want to see my tits? You stand up when you pee, motherfucker. The manalisa. And David Lucas sits down when he pees. Okay.

Okay, Vincent Shadow. Thank you. William, did you have your hand up for a second? You did? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Give him another mic. He's not speaking to my mic, and then I use it again.

Say it. Yeah, I'm sick as a motherfucker. I've been around a bunch of blacks in Georgia. All right, man, get your eyes on. This is the host of... Man, get your Confederate flag. These are the hosts of brothers in cursive. General Lee, this General Lee grandson.

All right, go. Go ahead. Hey, Allie, I loved you in Spider-Man, too. Jesus, William is out of control. Hell yeah, bro. He's spit in my mouth. Oh, my goodness. Tony, you should spank him on stage if he acts out.

You know what, William? You probably like it. Tony going to like it too much. We are COVID. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Oh my goodness gracious, Vincent. You are wild right now. What's going on over there?

You've been licking bleach pads? Hell yeah. Okay, there goes David Lucas, everybody. There he is, David Lucas. We love you, David. Great stuff. We're flying through them tonight. We're getting through them.

We are flying through. Look, they're wrestling. Take along. But ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da. Run, run, run, run away. There they are. They are wrestling right now. Whoa, they are having a physical fight.

Oh, my goodness. Wow. The only thing David is slamming is a grand slam at Denny's. All right. Guys, we are out of bucket pools on this short bucket night, which means only one thing, everybody, we have one more regular, everybody. I mean, ladies and gentlemen, some people call him the warlock of Kiltony. Some people have said the goat of the moat.

Some people have said the best of the dressed. The chairmen of the board. The feels on wheels. The Rolling Thunder is his Indian name. We know him as Michael Lair. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, I'm Michael. Michael Lairn can be here.

This week, I'm a, most clone. I'm personal but I talk mostly and sing mostly about Cologne. Before you see me,

you smell me. All right. So, I love Cologne, especially if you live in one of those cities that has shit in the water. Am I right?

right? I mean, I bet Jeffrey Epstein wore a cologne smells like teen spirit. Remember from the

70s they had that Cologne high karate when I went out of business they were like bye karate

and one more about Hey, if the scientist formulating coronavirus, maybe works on a coronavirus vaccine. Then Calvin Cronk with a If they ate a Colonna vaccine, Calvin Klein would

Have that bitch in two weeks I always smile like a maceous Look at my face and trace me I'd look like salmon spacey You can smell me from spacege Wow post cologne Most cologne Cologne.

I wear the most cologne. I thought I smelled something. That's you. Oh, Tricarone, on a tobacco rub on. You don't need clothes when you got Cologne on.

Wow. Yeah. My goodness, this is very impressive. How many songs about Cologne do you have? You like that setup, do you? Oh, my goodness. Oh, okay. Drinking.

Cologne. until I'm done. It's so weird. Red Band actually sprayed you with cologne. Yeah. I keep my cologne with me. It's his mating ritual.

You know how guys who get fucked by horses they gotta spray their butt holes with a horse cologne? Oh, I definitely lit up. She knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Allie and I both know about taking a horsecock once in a while. Brian, what? I'm sorry, I'd spray too much. I know. It's unbelievable. He had a drink tonight. That's all it takes for Red Band to start throwing ice and spraying people with coal. I understand.

He's wasted. I don't drink as much anymore. I spend my money on Colon can't afford food. I'm always hungry, but at least I look good. Oh, you rhymed food with good on that one. That's incredible. Yeah, I'm most cloned. That is very impressive.

That is just... I love butter. In Parliament cigarettes. Oh, that's how he smokes him. He puts them straight to the head. Brian just had a heart attack. Drinking corn is poisonous. Wow.

My goodness. That is just absolutely incredible. Skeleton, what do you think about most cologne? That's my godly. Come again? Go ahead, Skeleton. What do you think about? What does me have a ghouly?

Okay, what do you think about most cologne skeleton? I can't smell, so I don't really get it. That's right. Skeleton lost her sense of smell. Yeah. Well, I don't have lungs. I've lost a lot of streaming since Corona. Because most of my...

Most of my... Hey, isn't it my shot? I don't know. Most Cologne, you're in the rap game. You probably have sex with many women in night. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you a question here. Have you ever,

have you ever by any chance had any STDs? Yeah. My goodness, gracious. Oh, what have you had? The seven to 21 day ones. Whoa, that's a lot. Gonna be ever had nothing. What I said?

last week once I going into the doctor right? Yeah. There was some community. I go look at this. That was months ago by the way we talked about this. It wasn't last week but yeah. Dude, I found a low disorder.

The only reason I'm on this show is because I'm disabled. That's not true. Oh. It's because you're very abled. Not disabled. Your dad abled. Well, I abandon my son, so I'm definitely not that. Oh, that is a...

That one left a little stink in the room, if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, from Fahrenheit to Vago Rubin, to Carnar to cool water. Do you have any Dracula noir? Dracula noir. Wow. A lot of time. He's a freestyle rapper, too. You can do anything.

Do you have any raps about, do you have any raps about homemade colognes? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. You want to hear it? All right. Are you thinking of it right now? Well, we ask these questions back and forth.

I'm going to kick your ass for him and asking that. No, I'm just kidding. Homemade cologne. Come to my home and I'm making it up. I love the act out of the bat. Yeah, I'm a witch. Come bitch and sniff this. Oh, you trick-ass bitch while you get a spitz in your eyes.

No, you can't lie now. Oh, you're better to die from clone poisoning because there are alcohol in it. I spray our cologne, I get around and I spend it. Wow. This is one of the smartest and dumbest segments

in the history of Kill Tony, without a doubt. It's absolutely, most Cologne, a brilliant character. Man. This is, Before you see me, you can smell me.

Does the album come with any, like, scratchy samples or anything like that? Like a magazine where you, You open it up and smell? Yeah, it's like smell me in the elevator when I'm not there. Run your milk and I don't care.

I cannot describe in any words how much I love you. Yeah. Well, can you describe it with a penis in the butt? What? What did you just say to me? A penis in the butt. What about a penis in the butt? Can you describe how much you love me by putting your penis in my butt?

Jesus, most cologne. My goodness. Now I see what types of smells you're covering up over there exactly. Blot a butt sac. I'm spraying and I'm spraying on you. I'm dabbing. I'm dumping on you. I'm speaking.

What does your face tattoos say? I see some face tattoos. Yeah. It says, Sean, right here. she's the godmother improvization oh cool Chicago's second city royalty right? No I'm proud of limping

and then they says sleep me it's wait what sleep me William William no you're not allowed to interrupt my question

No, you can't come over here. No, no, no, no. Sleepy dreamer? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The answer is no. Well, no. It gets awkward if you come near me now. Yes, very awkward.

You see my only person. I'm a monster. If William came over now, I will fucking kill him. Yes, absolutely, I agree. Ali Mokovsky with a question. You sent me a DM. a while ago that confused me and I just wanted to get some clarity

on that. Did he ask you for one of your wigs? No. This has happened before. You might end up in a Rambo or monologue. I remember it, Ali. Yeah. You said that you don't like my ex-David. I don't believe I have

an ex-made. Yeah, I got mixed up when I'm mutual friends. Oh. But there's a David. Well, you know, Dan Finner did, right? Yeah. We're homeboys,

a lot of us. She doesn't... You do back or chose or you used to, obviously. But their friend there's David, I thought he used to date you,

and he's the bitch. I want to fucking kill that guy. Why do you hate this guy so much? You know how I'm disabled, and every day is a blessing. Yeah. You mom does.

Oh, you see. Go ahead. Well, I came home from a company show, and it was one of my friends in LA, and I was so exciting. And I'm like, I'm back. And he was like, you know, like, I describe them as fay hipster bitches. You know, where those are the guys that Ali absolutely fault. head over heels. He's like, oh,

Desjard Dix, someone, oh, I'm a man, oh, my man. Michael, Lair, I absolutely

love you. I love most cologne. I love all of your characters. Uh, the Dice Man. What was that? Andrew. Injured Dice.

Play. Three blind mice, see how they run. Who has the thought I'd be jealous of mice. I love you so much Michael Lair. You did it again this week. Most Cologne in instant classic and Kill Tony history.

Wait, wait, wait, hold off on that music because, uh, speaking of Allie falling head over heels. No, let's not do it. You don't want to do a skateboard trick. Let's have Michael Laird do the skateboard trick instead. Uh, no, that was tonight's episode. You can hit the music. Ali Mokovsky's on social media on all platforms. Michael Lair is Michael Lair comedy.

Check them out. Watch all of his stuff. He's an absolute genius. He's the best. We love Michael Lair so much. Michael Layercom.com. He's got a bunch of amazing merch. Anything else, Michael?

Um, yeah. Okay, there you go. Absolutely. Let's see that drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt tonight. There it is. Whoa, a very cool-ish drawing. My goodness. Frightening, Channel 9.

Beautiful drawing. Everything's available. Ryan G.Belt.com. The great Ali Makovsky was here. Thank you. Legend. The record holder for the longest tenured regular in Kill Tony history. So much great stuff going on.

You are at Allie. Not Alley back on everything social media-wise. Is that correct? Yeah, I deleted my Twitter, but I'm on Instagram and not Ali Mac and I have a podcast called Resting Bitch Why do you delete your Twitter? Because Twitter sucks. Yeah, Twitter sucks. You'll be off

it like a year. I like it for promotion. I like it for promotions I'll come back at some point. Only garbage people follow it though. You just end up with garbage fans if you promote too much on Twitter. Speaking of promoting too much, it's Jeremiah Watkins everybody. The host of Jeremiah Wonders. There's is Venmo for those of you that feel like giving away

free money. Oh, Venmo at Jeremiah dash Watkins. I'll be headlining in North Carolina this weekend. Come see me, Lexington, Kentucky. The following weekend. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. It's okay.

It's okay. No need for the spotlight. Keep going, Jeremiah. Keep going Jeremiah. And then I'll be it, Acme, Minnesota at the end of the month, and there's a new Jeremiah Wonders with Donald Trump on. Look out for it.

There you go. Jetsky Johnson, everybody. Very professional, everyone. very good. Keep it moving. Jet ski. Thank you so much. Social media is Jetsky Johnson. Yes. Thank you so much. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Kroma Chris was here tonight, everybody. Croma, what do you think about tonight's episode?

Oh, it was to die for Tony. Awesome. Joel Berge, Joel Jimenez was Joel Vira the whole time. I just figured that out right now. I'm mostly sorry on everything. Mostly Sorry podcast on everything. and if you think I'm a hot bitch, send me money on Venmo. Joel Dash Jimenez, fuck it. Come fuck this sexy pussy.

That's right. And Venmo for Jetsky Johnson is at Jetsky Johnson. For those of you that actually read signs on the show. Well, that's something I would love to. That's a Venmo Jetsky Johnson, all one word. J-E-T-S-K-I-J-O-H-N-S-O-N-S-O-N. She picks her spots on the show, hits grand slams, really picks her moments. Venmo Jetsky Johnson.

That's the first time we've plugged that in the history of the show. You can also follow at Chroma Chris on Vimmo as well. Oh, wow. Chroma Chris. There you go. Give it away. Joelberg, you got a Viguerg. What's your Vimmo?

Joel dash Jimenez. Wow. That sounds like, why not give money to some people that don't always beg for it, you know? Or maybe it's a good idea, trend setting. Go ahead, Allie. What's your Venmo? Allie McCofsky. And you know what?

Michael Lair, what's yours? Because, you know, you probably have a lot of bills and stuff. Yeah. I just hit a big stock, Tim. So. What's your Venmo? Comedy 6.9. No, it's not.

Comedy 6.9? You got that? That's your Venmo? Well, if it's not, you're going to get money to some stranger call it. Is that right? It's not. Cash up my memo, everything. Okay.

There's no way your comedy 69 on it. Benmo. Well, just double-check with him on Twitter before you send anything. If you don't know the answer, you could just say, I don't know. Wait, are you going to apologize me when you find out you're wrong? I will. You will? Yeah.

You will? Yeah. You will? I will. You will? I will. You will. I will.

I will. He is actually Comedy 6-9 on Venmo. Wow. Well, you know what? I'm sorry, Michael Lair. It won't be the first time. You know what? I'm going to give some money to you.

You know, I'm going to give some money to you also. No, I just suck real big. I don't want any money. Spread the wealth. Michael Lair makes and sells incredible merch, so he really doesn't need sent money. You might as well just go buy some awesome Michael Lair stuff at Michael Comedy. No doubt.

No doubt. All right. We love everybody. Everybody's great. Shout out to Charlie from Vito's Pizza. Gina from Speedweed. Ryan J.E. Belt. amazing show. Thanks again to our sponsors.

And we'll see again. To the comedy store, guys. We love you to comedy store. Yeah, it's incredible. It's all happening here at the comedy store. Check out the live shows on the patio streaming live if you're ever in town. Grab some Vito's Pizza on your way. Have a great night, everyone.