KILL TONY - KILL TONY #47

Episode Date: May 2, 2014

Sam Tripoli, Ian Edwards, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Missy Martinez, Tiffany Haddish, Brian Redban – Date: 04/14/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. DeathSquad's having a huge auction. I don't know how else I can pay for the studio, so I decided to dip into my own personal stash of shirts and stuff. I'm pretty much just cleaning out the studio and finding miscellaneous items, and I'm putting them on eBay for sale. These are items that are no longer in print or they were like one of a kind type things. I know I have a lot of random sizes of old t-shirts that have never been worn. Right now there's, as this recording, there's six t-shirts up for sale, two of the, or three of the

original and three of the, uh, the second shirt, uh, including two of the or three of the original and three of the uh the second shirt uh including two of the shirts are from the first press run where i just did a short run of t-shirts just to see how it looked it was my first t-shirt so i only made a hundred of them and uh pretty rare uh and i had a few of those uh where you could tell if it's within the first hundred, if you don't, if you have a tag on your shirt that says like the size shirt tag, that means it's in the first hundred. So I have a, you know, a lot of rare stuff I'm going to be putting up there just to try to get some money to, to pay for everything. Um, the new shirt is, I've been running into some problems here and there, but it should be announced very soon.

And the current shirt, the Death Squad shirt, still, there's still a few different sizes in stock. And you can get that at shopsquad.tv. But for the eBay auction, just go to deathsquad.tv and you'll see a big eBay box on the right side. Just click on that for all the different auctions. Or just go on eBay and search for Red Band. That's my username on there. And check it out. Also, Death Squad Live. I have a big announcement. We're doing a Death Squad Vegas show this month. I will be announcing the dates and the tickets on sale very soon. Just go to DeathSquad.TV or follow me on Twitter for all the information. I know it's going to be me, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Sarah Tiana for sure. And we might have some

extra surprise guests. And the day before that, we're actually going to be in Vegas already because we're going to be a guest on Douglas Movies with Doug Benson. So it's going to be a great Vegas surprise this month. And so tickets and everything, all the information will be announced very, very soon. Within the next day or so. So check us out. DeathSquad.tv. Also, right now

you can get tickets to DeathSquad Comic Con, which is three shows, two nights. We got Kill Tony Wednesday, July 23rd and then followed right after by thunder pussy it's a doubleheader night of death squad at the american comedy co and then thursday july 24th the following day we are doing a death squad super show we're just going to bring a shitload of comics it's going to be a bunch of fun bunch of. All the tickets can be found at DeathSquad.TV. And again, that's July 23rd and 24th during Comic-Con 2014.

This is our, I think, our fourth year, third year of doing Comic-Con. And, of course, it's at the American Comedy Co. Go to DeathSquad.TV for all the information of all our live shows. Also, please subscribe to us on iTunes. Kill Tony and all the different shows. Can be found under one name. Just open up iTunes. Search for Death Squad.

And hit subscribe. And now. Here's a brand new episode. Of Kill Tony. Hey this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony Volume 2. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow, how exciting everybody.

Fuck yeah, jam packed back of the room for this episode 47 of Kill Tony. That's how I like it. I like it when the back of the room is filled because who needs an energetic front row when you could just have, you know, I feel the spirits of the podcast listeners fill up this room. That's how I try to rationalize my low turnouts on some Mondays. What is going on, Tony? It's a beautiful day. It's another fun Monday. I'm excited to be here. We have a big weekend

coming up. We're going to Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver this weekend, which is going to be crazy. You, me, Tiffany Haddish, the Cat Pack, reunited again, and that's going to be a lot of fun. Fuck yeah. I was just talking to you about this outside. I'm not really used

to the drinking that I was two weeks ago so I'm kind of nervous this week and I kind of cut back, been working out and doing all this healthy shit this last week that I'm kind of scared to drink that much. What is that? Who's stirring? Is that you? Oh my god. Please stop that.

There's an ice cream machine. Can we get seat 47 a blender, please? It's unbearable. Oh, my God. I'm not going to drink like we did in Texas. That was too much. I learned from that. That day flying out of there, I felt like I was dying.

For a week after that, you thought you were dying. That fucked me up. Whatever happened to me, whatever close to liver failure or whatever the fuck that was, was unbearable. It changed my life. Speaking of flying, you saw what happened at the U.S.

Airways today. Did you guys see that? Little plane in the vagina. That was interesting. It's funny how everybody jumps. You just start reading some of the comments on Twitter and how many people just immediately went to, oh, they found the Malaysian air flight, blah, blah, blah. Right.

It's funny. Yeah, I saw a few of them. There gets to a point to where if I find something out 45 minutes after it happens, I'm like, fuck it. It's too late. Even if I have an original take on something, I'm just like, I don't know. I don't want to play into it.

Did you even think of any? Well, I was going to write a Southwest tweet about how that plane's probably in an asshole. I didn't really figure it out all the way. I didn't construct it in perfect joke format, but maybe it would have been like, what you can't see is the Southwest plane fully

inserted. See how I enunciated there? What really sucks is these poor people that have these jobs that get paid to tweet, and then they accidentally make one wrong little, like that person copied and pasted the person that sent the tweet to them and just replied to it, not looking at the actual link that the person pasted them. Right. So it's kind of funny how these poor kids, they're probably like 19 years old,

you know, like getting fired and they're probably going to get sued from U.S. Airways from like costing them millions of dollars. Yeah, maybe. That's such a powerful position to have as like a tweeter for a big company like that. Oh, this is awesome, everybody. This is great. Oh, I'm so excited.

Oh, hi, Sam. That's fucking perfect. Sam Tripoli, everybody. You're going to see him in a little bit. He's very excited to be back on the show, as you could tell. It was a powerful knock. Well, I'm excited about this. For those of you that know the show,

you know that every week we have a head of security to keep us safe. It was originally the Iron Patriot, a man in a $4,000 customized Iron Man, red, white, and blue remixed suit. And then he quit on us after episode 30-something. He said that he got too big for the show and that he was moving on to bigger better things if you followed him on Twitter you would know that

none of those things panned out for him and he's deeply apologetic about ever leaving the show but to show him how replaceable he was we have decided to have a new patriot each week since he quit we had this one on before.

She was our first ever female head of security, and she is back once again. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Tiffany Haddish, a.k.a. Iron Haddish, a.k.a. Patriotica. Fuck yeah. Powerful Tiffany Haddish is in the building. What's up? What's going on?

I love that. I love you in that suit. You do? Is it sexy? Hell yeah. You rock that shit. All right, Big Daddy. I love your dreads coming out of the bed.

Are those called dreads? No, they're called kinky twist. Oh. Kinky twist. Kinky twist. Yes. Fuck yeah. That's real, right?

What's real? There's really kinky twist on my head. Why do you call them... Do people call them kinky twist or is that like a Tiffany Haddish original? You use kinky hair to twist it and then it locks and then it looks kind of like a dreadlock but it's not.

It's synthetic kinky hair. It's pretty sweet. It looks like the Predator. Is that the right mask? Josh, what happened to the eye Josh, what happened to the eye lights? Oh, great job, Josh. The world's worst producer, everybody. Josh Martin, notoriously

always fucking up. Figured out immediately how to do it this time. Wouldn't even wait. You just forgot, there's just a button inside that you have to press? You want to do it real quick? Since it's still early on in the episode, we could probably still... We could edit Josh out.

There it is, everybody. Look at that. Oh, it's in my eyes now. Game changer. Now we can see. Fuck yeah. So it's good to have you back, Tiffany. Welcome. Thank you for having me.

You excited about this weekend coming up? Very excited about this weekend. I'm planning on getting laid. Really? Yes, in this outfit. Now, are you looking to get laid in Portland, Seattle, or Vancouver? Have you hooked up with a Canadian before? No, I've never done a Canadian before.

I'd like to see that bacon. Oh, I bet you would fucking change a Canadian boy's life. I'd change any boy's life. Well, yeah. No, I know that, but I mean, seriously. If I get on that dick, that's it. There it is.

Patreonica style. Pow, pow, pow. Is it harder to get guys with that hair because that to me it scares me that hair scares me if i didn't know you all kind of guys are always hitting on me i took a boxing class today and every instructor tried to touch my ass so how many instructors were there like seven every instructor wow yeah It was one of those intensive classes. What was it for again? Boxing. Boxing. Yeah.

Wow. I'm going to whoop ass in Portland. Fuck yeah. Just beat up whoever you get laid by. Just fucking show them. No. Are there black women in Vancouver? Or is she going to be the only one?

Have you been there before? Yeah, I've been there before. There's black people there. We just got word from the back of the room there are four black women in Vancouver. You're going to be five. They're all Ethiopian as well. They're Ethiopian. I love it. I'm so glad

to have you back. As always, I always have two of my funniest friends on each episode and this week will be no different. In fact, I'm very, very excited about this one, guys. It's the great Ian Edwards and Sam Tripoli, everybody. Ian Edwards, one of my favorite comedians, writes on Two Broke Girls. Sam Tripoli, the creator and host of The Naughty Show, Punch Drunk Podcast. These two guys I work with just about every night doing

stand-up comedy together. Welcome, guys. Sam, you've been on this show before. Welcome back. Ian, this is your first time. Welcome. Thanks, man. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I guess we'll find out. Heck yeah. Have you ever seen anything like

Patriotica over there? Yeah, on Hollywood Boulevard. What's up, Tiff? What up, though? Fuck yeah, Sam, you're texting already. I love this. Yeah, I'm letting everybody know where I'm at. Oh, you're tweeting it. Yeah, come down to the comedy store, get some.

Perfect timing to tweet that the show is happening. It's instantaneous, son. Perfect timing to tweet that the show is happening. I'm really excited. It's instantaneous, son. Tiffany, do you do the but and those thing that's popular right now? Like, but that hair though type thing? Oh, yeah, but it depends on who I'm talking to. Right. I can't stop doing it.

If you don't know this. You're going to make the worst old white guy ever. You just ask the most white questions to black people all the time. Are you enjoying that chicken and that waffles? Are they fun? It is. It is. Chicken, waffles,

and watermelon are some of my favorite things. Have you heard that, though? Have you heard the thing that's popular? Right now, I think it started off with a video where people are saying oh, hey, what's going on with that? Comedy gods. Thank you

Comedy Store by the way for always keeping up on your equipment. Electric bill. Always great. But there's like this saying like if somebody posts a photo of like a fat kid eating a taco and he's really fat and the thing under the picture says, oh, I love tacos, somebody will make a comment like, but that fat kid, though. It's the dumbest thing to try to explain, but once you get it, it's so addicting to do.

You have no idea what I'm talking about. No idea what you're talking about. Redman, you're growing old. Stop trying to keep up. Tiffany, is that about right, though? Yeah, it pretty much is right. You could be like, it's a fine dude. You'd be like, oh, he got a nice car.

And then your friend would be like, yeah, but what about the muscles, though? What about the muscles, though? And then you'd be like, yeah, he got a job, too. Yeah, but what that money do, though? What that money do, though? It's so retarded. Wow. It is.

The kids are fucked. That sounds bad. That's like a new thing? That's a youthful thing? Yeah. It's a useless thing. Yeah, you call out all the other good stuff that's good. You know, one person said one thing, you say something else.

Like when Red Band was like, I like your hair. And I could be like, what about that ass though? Yes, exactly. Does not sound right. So that means the ass is good. Yes. And you're saying, but what about that? Oh, right.

So it's like a better than. You know what's even better than that? Why are you looking at that? Well, you can look at this. Right. Right. Got it. But once you get it, it is so addicting, and you will just be doing it all day.

Every Twitter is that, every comment. You will just be talking. I told Tebow, our friend Jason Tebow, about it yesterday, and he says he can't stop doing it. I'd be like, hey, look at that chick, though. You'd be like, look at that her sister, though. Right? That's how it go? Ian, what do you think about this contagious Ebonics thing that seems to be happening?

I don't know why the word Ebonics got to come into play. What are you doing saying? I don't know. I think it's whack, though. That's what I think. I love it's whack though. That's what I think. Yeah. I love it. So as always, 25 comedians signed up for the opportunity to do one minute. You guys know that your minute is up when you hear the sound of a kitty.

Meow. Meow. Oh, boy. Meow. There it is That's the minute And you know that you don't want to run that minute Or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear Sounds angry tonight guys

Teaches you immediately Not to run the light and show business Tiffany did you have any questions for Ian or Sam, by the way? Well, I wanted to ask Sam Tripoli about his podcast on Playboy TV. Yeah, it's on Playboy. It's on radio. Oh, Playboy radio. Yeah, what about it? I want to know, will you ever be on TV?

Will I ever be on television? Yes. Who are you, the voice inside my head? Who are you, my mother? Someday, let's hope. I mean, yeah, we're working on it. It's always a process with the wonderful people over there. It's a great place, very happy.

And you crushed on the show. Oh, thanks. I would like to come back if possible. Well, you act like you're on a great place. Very happy. And you crushed on the show. Oh, thanks. I would like to come back if possible. Well, you act like you're on a blacklist or something like that. No, you're welcome to come back anytime you want. Thank you. Just walk up. I will. In that outfit? Why not? Might as well.

And then I'll strip out of it. And bring the glitter. Oh, the glitter, yes. The glitter. We talked about glitter. What about that fleshlight, though? Boom! Do you have a question for Ian? Yes, Ian.

I know of your great success in writing. And I was just wondering, what are you writing now? And can I be in it? See, that's how you make it. You ask. That's it. Tiffany, you can I be in it? See, that's how you make it. You ask. That's it.

Tiffany, you can always be in anything I write. Aw. Hey, what about me? Sam, you too. Aw. Well, then why I ain't never been on a boondock then? It's a cartoon. It's a tough role to get.

Okay. Sounded like you sold him, though. So you've asked us two questions about how we can help your career pretty much thank you no problem that's it for my question I love it by the way just a quick shout out

to our sponsor McDonald's I'm loving it what about that McRib dough nothing better than the new strawberry lemonade shake I'm loving it. What about that McRib dough? Nothing better than the new strawberry lemonade shake. Only available at your local McDonald's where I'm loving it. What about them chicken nuggets dough? They're free Wi-Fi now.

Awesome. What about that homeless guy pissing in the corner dough? We love McDonald's here on Kill Tony and thank you for sponsoring us, McDonald's, where I'm loving it. Fuck yeah, everybody. So over 25 comedians signed up for the opportunity to do a minute after their minute's up. We talk to

them. Maybe we try to help them with that joke. Maybe we just ask them questions, try to figure out more stuff that's funny about them. Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to begin Kill Tony 47? 47! Can you believe it, Brian? How many? 47! I didn't even know there were 47 comedians in the world.

No, this is episode 47. 20-some comedians signed up. Put your hands together for your first comedian tonight, everybody. It's Adair Connie. Bring the noise! There he is. Get them in front of me! Oh, shit. Shit got real.

It's Adam. Adam? That was so... Yeah, that looks like Adam too, dude. It does look kind of terrorist-y. Adair... Okay, gotta have a hook. Look at the space. It does look kind of terrorist-y. Yeah. Adani. I do what I can.

Okay. Got to have a hook. All right. Minute starts now. All right. So I'm dating for the first time in 10 years after, you know, you have that old marriage that gets you that divorce. And the only thing that 10 years, like, really does make easier is porn.

That's it. Porn is the only thing now that it's easier to do than it was 10 years ago. Dating now, it's like really hard. You got to Facebook, Twitter, and it's like I can't figure it out. But Facebook is also like wants to be a wingman. It's like you flip that switch to single, and Facebook's like, hey, ladies, you know about my man Adam? Like all the ex-girlfriends just start coming. Oh, Adam's single again.

Let's try it again. Even the ones that dump me. They're just like, hey, let's try it again. I'm like, it again i'm like i'm the same guy well no i know how to masturbate myself to sleep now let's give this a ride but it got it got really awkward because like i had an ex-girlfriend we had an abortion and it got weird we just went separate ways and she's now like hey let's try it again i'm like no we're not good together why would you say that like i don't know what you called it, but last time we were together, we killed a person.

Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. That's it. That's exactly a minute. Fuck yeah. Adam. Yes, sir. First of all, I love the fact

that you wear your sunglasses on the top of your head when you do stand-up. I always love it when people do it. That style is my favorite. Basically says, what if tonight's the night that the sun comes back out again

for the first time ever? Blood lunar, bro. Blood lunar. What's blood lunar? I'm learning more things. What about that red moon, though? I can't believe this is going to be the repeated joke of this fucking podcast. Thank you, Brian.

For bringing. It's like crack. We're right here. We're dying every time we hear that. Like a little bit of our soul just dies. Why? Because you guys are both black? Yeah, we're just like, ah, yay.

That's so weird. White people found something else. Has that been going on a while and we just found out about it? Oh, dude. Do you know about black Twitter? Yeah, see? What? There's black Twitter?

Stay away from black Twitter. You guys just... What's black Twitter? Oh, that's... What? We can't go on black Twitter? We're blackpeoplemeet.com or... Listen.

Isn't both of those things just world star hip hop? Yeah. Black people do that. What about that comedy though let me uh can i just say something i was very nervous at first you started off uh i don't know if you were just nervous at being on stage here doing this thing which i could understand um when you started the joke you went one way then you said about porn, and then you never went back to porn, which you just threw that

out there. Yeah, you can't do that to somebody who works for the Playboy channel. Yeah. You gotta finish that. I need to get paid, though. What about that full penetration, though? What about that Benjamin, though? Listen, my point is there's no reason to talk about porn.

You've added this just to make the joke longer And you just confuse people Because you brought it up You're like, okay, this guy's going to talk about porn Let's see what he has to say And then you just go nowhere with it Then you just jump in to date I don't think he knows what he's doing yet, though I understand

How long have you been doing it? I just started my third year Third year, you don't really know what you're doing How long have you been doing it? I just started my third year. Third year? Yeah, third year, you don't really know what you're doing. Okay. How long have you been doing it? Three years. So, like, two years, four months. Was that code?

Do you think there's some code? No, he's just trying to get some shit together. Right. And I think he thought there were some jokes and punchlines in there that were punchlines. Yeah. And they didn't work, and he just kept going. But I do like, you know, at the end, that was a solid joke. It's a great joke.

Last time, it's a great joke. It's not just a joke. It's a really great joke. Last time we were together, we killed somebody. Yeah. That's fucking funny. Very funny. So just think about how you came up with that.

That is a whole separate joke than what you're trying to talk about right now, which is you're trying to talk about you've been married for 10 separate joke than what you're trying to talk about right now. Which is you're trying to talk about you've been married for 10 years, and now you're trying to date. That's one joke. Now a whole other joke is, you ever had exes hook up with you? I had an ex who we had an abortion together. Wants to get back together.

And she's like, I want. Then you go into that. Too many words. That's why I used it. Yeah, it's like I told every time i come on here that seems to be the number one thing is like trim the fat only say what's pertinent to your punch line because when you're young and you're new and you want to start doing comedy you just you're trying to fill up as much time so you can open somewhere or feature somewhere right

but then you get away from the the rolling laughs like someone like ian edwards has where like every line has a joke to it, which takes time, man, but that's the first step is just knowing you've got to be clear. Only say what's pertinent to your punchline. Got it. Where are you from, Adam? Boston. Oh, nice. You've been out here for three years?

You've been out here for three years? You started there? No, I started telling jokes in Dallas, Texas. Great scene. I just got here last night from San Diego. Wow. Great scene. Did you just come here to do this? No, no, I'm out here now.

I was out in San Diego for just about over a year and a half. Let me guess, a minute? That's hilarious. This is your first set in California? Second. I just did the coffee shop out on Sunset, the rock paper. This is your first set? Yes, sir. In front of people. This is your first set? Yes, sir.

In front of people. This is my first set in front of people. I like doing this stand up and hearing... Vanilla latte? The smoothie machine. But we killed somebody. Fuck yeah. I think it's good.

You know what I like? It's original. I didn't expect that. Fuck yeah I think it's good You know what I like It's original I didn't expect that Yeah

I mean I hate when I can Almost tell What jokes Somebody's gonna do Right By what they look like Walking up on stage

You went totally different And I thought it was Really funny And you got something To build with When I wrote that I had no idea it would work I was like

I wrote it And I was like This is never gonna last Right Try it in front of Normal people Not a bunch of Sick fuck comics Who think Raping abortion is never going to last. Right. Try it in front of normal people, not a bunch of sick fuck comics who think rape and abortion

is a perfect punchline. That's a funny joke, though, for real. It is a funny joke. Thank you, guys. But just use that as the roadmap for your other jokes. Some kind of reverse engineering. No, just look at how...

You know what comics don't do? They don't look at their best joke. I tell every young comic, look at their best joke and see how they wrote it. And then apply it to the jokes that they're trying to write, the formula. You know what I mean? Because people,

when I was a young comic, you come up with a joke and sometimes it's by luck. And you're like, you got these jokes that work and then you got the jokes that don't work. You don't know why those don't work. You don't know why this one works. But you should examine the shit that works and it'll help you make the shit that doesn't work, work don't know why those don't work, you don't know why this one works. But you should examine the shit that works and it'll help you make the shit that doesn't work, work.

Within that little bit, you have three different premises. You have trying to date after marriage, which is a great thing and I always tell women that guys flirt when they're in a relationship because they gotta keep their kung fu strong. Girls just gotta

doll up again and they're getting dick slung at them everywhere. I'm fucking a relationship so I keep the kung fu strong. Girls just got to doll up again and they're getting dick slung at them everywhere. I'm fucking a relationship so I keep my kung fu strong. But then you got that. Then you got how's Facebook ruins fucking dating too because now you're like your dating credits up for everybody. Then you have old dates and we killed somebody.

There's three different premises right there that you could expand on. I'm going to do that. I really appreciate you guys. That's Adam Conant, everybody. Welcome to Los Angeles, Adam. You live here now? The newest L.A. comedian, everybody.

Adam Conant. It's going to be fun to watch your soul die. He just got in today. Did a coffee shop and then this. That's exciting. It's new. Did you ever have a joke when you first started out that you can't believe that you ever did on stage

that you're embarrassed about? Yeah. For sure. For sure. I used to have long hair down here, and I used to have a joke about... Is that true? Yeah.

That sounds like the beginning of a joke. No, that's a true story. I had hope at one point. And I had a joke about how I lived in Vegas, and we would do stand-up at the Hard Rock Casino, and they drug test at the Hard Rock Casino, which is ridiculous because everybody on the walls are drug addicts. And you took them all down.

I said, all that would be left would be Lyle Lovett, and I had this thing where I put my hair on top of my head. Wow. Yeah, and it was just completely retarded. But it worked. And that's, it was just completely retarded, but it worked. And that's always weird when you don't, you have a joke that you don't know why it works.

Right. But every time you say people explode with Latin, you're like, I don't have no clue why that works. Ian, how about you? Did you do something embarrassing? Yeah, I got tons,

I had tons of embarrassing jokes and I ain't going to do them because they were embarrassing. Why the fuck would I tell you the shit now? That's the best dancing. Both of us used to have really long hair back in the day. Yeah, we did. I used to have dreads. Full on dreads.

Kinky twists. No, no. Kinky twists and dreadlocks are two different things. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I learned something. I guess I'm wrong. But they're both just as dirty, right? No.

Can you clean those better? Like put them in a washing machine? Just like you clean braids. What the fuck? In a washing machine? I don't know how you clean braids. It's shampoo. Okay?

And you scratch it and wash it and blow it dry and boom, you're ready to go. Damn. Because it's kinky twist, you're ready to go. Damn. Because it's kinky twist. It's going to stay twisted. What? But what about that weave, though? That part, though. What about that weave?

What about that watch, though? Ian, you have one of those Samsung gear watches. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you love it? Have you taken any upskirts using the camera? I think you can use it for titty shots, but not upskirt. Yeah, titty shots. It would be weird if you throw it down there, but you can use it for titty shots but not upskirt. It'd be weird if you go down there.

You can do it like that. This year, man, that's the big thing. Apple's going to release one of those things. Everybody is releasing watches right now. Are they catching on? I felt like it's almost like Google Glasses where they thought they'd be everywhere and only creepy fucks have them. It's great if you work out.

Because there's like heart meters in there and step meters. And the watch is nice. I'm talking to Google Glasses. I only know gangsters with those watches at this point. Yeah. Ian Edwards. What up, mom? Comedy gangsters. Shit. I think the watch is bullshit, though. I mean, I got it because I got it for free, but

might as well just be on your phone. Yeah. Unless you're like trying to get... Can I get my watches out for free? Yeah, you gotta hit up the... Let me guess, you want one. I don't have that much. Yeah, yeah.

You can make a phone call with that watch? Yeah, yeah. That's the only good thing about it. Like, it's better than the headset. Like, you can talk. Everybody can hear

your conversation. Remember back in the day, like sci-fi movies? Yeah. Hey, I'm here. Roger. James Bond type shit. Yeah, that's badass. Yeah, Patriotica type movies. Hey, I'm here. Roger. James Bond type shit. Yeah, that's badass.

Yeah, Patriotica type shit. I need one. Oh, shit. I'm going to put that on my Amazon wish list. You have one? Yeah, I got one. Those aren't just for adult film stars anymore? No, it's for cute comedians, too.

That's why something costs them. Does any guy have that, by the way? Any dude ever put up an Amazon wish list? No. Do you really have one? Yeah. Really? Yeah, for the studio, though.

It's all stuff for the studio. Unbelievable. Give me free shit. People are always asking, like, hey, how can I help Death Squad? And I'm like, you could either donate, buy a shirt, or you want to donate something to the studio. That's why I have a wish list. What's on your wish list? How do people see your Amazon wish list?

You just search Death Squad or my name. It's on DeathSquad.tv. So somebody has to go look? He tweets it every other five minutes. Oh, okay. My wish list is Tiffany Haddish. What's on it? What's on it right now?

I got one of them. I'm on a robot vacuum cleaner really bad. The Roomba. Yeah, the Roomba. I put that on there. I also got some unicorn T-shirts that I really think is hot. There's some Pocahontas panties that I really want. Vintage Disney drawers.

Really? Vintage Disney drawers. Yeah, I want some shoes, some Jimmy Choo shoes, a little vibrator. That's on the wish list? I'll get you that. Sammy has something in his trunk of his car. That's what I do. The vibrator that I got from that show I did for you, Sammy, it broke, man.

No, you broke it. Don't act like you just opened it. It didn't work. You fucking jamming it in there every other day. It's not waterproof. I need a bathtub. I need a waterproof. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I like to play with myself in the tub every now and then. Like, we playing shark and shit. Ay. Da-na-na-na. Da-na-na-na. All right, I'll get you one. Thanks.

I'll bring it over. Playing shark and shit. Playing shark and shit, though. Yeah. I love it. Your next comedian, everybody, is Steve Cotronio. Is there like a time limit for them to get up here? No.

All right, let's get into it. Let's talk about the one talent I actually have. I'm a drummer. I've been drumming for about 15 years now. And that's the amount of respect that usually gets. Being none whatsoever. No respect. After the gig, it's the guitarist, front man, just chicks.

Chicks falling out of the sky. What's a drummer get? Bunch of dudes. Dude. Dude. Dude. Seriously, dude? Kick-ass drummer, bro. And that's cool to hear, don't get me wrong. Not as cool as a rim job. That's all I'm saying, all right? I'm a drummer, that's what we like, all right? Every time I tell that joke, a drummer gets his red wings. Every time I tell that joke, the drummer gets his red wings.

Let's not get twisted. My claim to fame as a drummer is I used to play with George Clinton. The third. Y'all didn't even know he existed. We were going to form the band Parliament Lights, you guys. It was going to be fucking great. Thanks, I'm Steve. Fuck yeah Did you say rim job?

I did Fuck yeah, that's what happens Boom, clack, boom, clack Give it to me, clack Boom, clack, give it to me Sound just like her. I have no idea what you're doing right now. Red Band, explain black culture. That's Erykah Badu, rim job.

Jiggy jiggy, rim job. Hey, come on. You're going to have to pay royalties. Did you really play with George Clinton III? We were set to record together in Tallahassee, and he bailed. Unbelievable. It's just too hard to explain that on stage. George Clinton III? We were set to record together in Tallahassee and he bailed. Unbelievable. It's just too hard to explain that on stage.

We had a recording session and it didn't happen. Then you have to hope everybody knows his dad. A lot of people do, but not everybody does. I've experienced that. It's a 20-year-old girl. She knows who you're talking about. Do you know who he's talking about? Tell me who he is real quick.

George Clinton III. Who's George Clinton? I know what she's going to guess. She's going to say that's Bill Clinton's cousin. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. It's all right, though.

It's okay to say you don't know. I think somebody whispered it into her ear, though. George Clinton isn't jazz. I said 20-year-olds, right? That fits in there? Well, you should say thank you. It's a compliment. Yeah, definitely. Definitely a compliment.

How come she does everything you say? I say something, she gets lippy. Okay. Fuck yeah. So, Steve, how long have you been doing stand-up? A little bit over four years. Where are you from? D.C. mostly.

D.C. mostly? Yeah, school in Florida. How long have you been out here? I just passed five years. Nice. Yeah. And you still play gigs? No, I don't really play gigs out here.

I have my kit out here. Is that your rape kit? No. Drum kit. rape kit? No. Drum kit. Yeah, thank you. There you go. He got drums on his t-shirt. You really believe in the drums.

I do, I really do. There's two people here with a uniform. I got them set up in my one-bedroom apartment, and I got some mutes on them. It's like a dick tease. You don't get a lot of pussy, do you? It comes and goes. It comes and goes on.

That's cool. But that's sort of what you're talking about with the whole drummer thing, right? Yeah, there's never any respect. I would play in... I've fucked a lot of drummers. Really? I don't think anybody's surprised by that,

how you've been going. Boom, boom, boom. They're great. So you call a drummer getting respect getting pussy? That's basically what you're saying. That's one way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, I always heard that drummers did get pussy. Do you think maybe you're the drummer that did get pussy? That could be it. I've always heard drummers get... I heard it goes lead singer, then drummer gets pussy. You're the unicorn drummer. Yeah. I got the anomaly.

The biggest thing, because I think he has his joke. It's shortened down. Everything's a quick jump to a punchline. I think it's like, how do you get into that? Because I think when you said drummers don't get pussy, I was thinking, I've always heard they got pussy. Yeah. My mind went against that train of thought, too.

Okay. I was like, yeah, I thought drummers got pussy. So maybe there's something about how you're the one thing. Every time I tell a girl I'm a drummer, I get pussy. So I don't understand. So maybe if there's a way for you to get into that, there's this whole notion that guys in bands get pussy, and how you were in a band, yet you got no pussy.

Or you're only getting dick. Yeah. Well, that could be. That's pretty funny. But all the jokes. It would always. Well, that could be. That's pretty funny. But all the jokes. It would always. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It would always be guys after shows.

Be like, man, you were fucking killing it up there. I'd be like, cool. How about some ass from a chick for a change? That would be nice. Is there something about your drumming that makes you look like you might like men? I don't know. I've never thought about that. Jerk off the drumsticks or something.

I think that's a great line right there. Maybe it's something about my drum that just rings up, I love dick or some shit like that. I think there's one of the codes I didn't know about of the gay world. I always felt drummers got laid. So I think you're kind of going against the grain on that. And you kind of got to talk about that. Apparently.

But I think your writing style is good. I didn't see you waste any time to get to a punchline, which seems to be the biggest thing when I do this. I think it's fine. I just think that opening thing kind of made you grind the gears with the crowd a little bit. You definitely have a great body for drumming.

You look like a drummer. As I said, a drummer's probably the most smelliest and sweatiest. Oh, he's fucking foul after a show. Yeah, but those lead singers in leather pants, that's gotta be nasty. You're at least sitting, dude. Yeah, but I'm doing

karate. Most by far there's no real breaks for me that's true how come like during drum solos the drummer never talks be like hey ladies I'm a I had a few

I wanna get laid hit this shit you know what I'm saying what about the drummer though you know what I'm saying? What about the drummer though? You know? What about this solo though? Hell yeah. It's just too much focus counting and breathing hard because I'm going way harder than usual.

If I start yelling, yo, how about getting some pussy after this though? Like, I'm going to fuck up the solo and then definitely nobody's going to want to fuck me up. What's more important, the solo or the fucking YOLO? That didn't make sense, but you know where I was going with that. Maybe you could lick the drumstick to let the ladies know. Or maybe you could use your dick as a drumstick.

I feel like the guys would be more into that. Yeah, definitely. I don't know. You said you breathe heavily while playing drums? No, if I'm doing a solo And I'm like really into it Like I'm not going to be able to start yelling I'm going to be thinking about what I'm doing

And counting in my head And shit like that Alright, do it at the beginning before I get going This one is for you Boom, boom, and then you go crazy Go crazy after that? Yeah, that makes sense I thought this was a get pussy.

It's going to ruin so many songs. You're going to beat that pussy up like you beat them drums up. I hit the drums pretty hard. I don't know if they would like that too much. I blew out the bottom head of a drum once. Damn. That's powerful. It was not my drum either, though.

He blew some other dude's head? Some other dude's bottom drum out. Always to the penises. The only thing getting blown are my drums. Do you play a lot of reggae? Is that why you were with Clinton? No, at the time, I was playing a lot of jazz and blues. George Clinton III

was big into reggae a lot of young chicks like jazz a lot of young girls go to jazz shows no exactly maybe that's a problem yeah yeah blues rock band we had some fun ones but they just usually didn't give a shit about me afterwards. Who? The chicks at shows. Right. What type of chicks came to these shows? It was college. It was college chicks.

College chicks. Surf club. Are you sure you're not like, you're like waiting for chicks to come up to you. You got to step to these girls. You're like in the cut. Well, I'm not going back to college. Why? Aren't you playing there?

You're talking about. No, this was when I was playing. I'm talking about your personal life now while you're drumming. With your look, I'm surprised a lot of college chicks didn't come up to you after the show and ask for help with their final. Computers. I mean, college chicks are attracted to confidence. So what's your self-esteem like for real, though? Yeah.

What's that like, though? Seeing somebody now. Oh. So you're confident though? Seeing somebody now. So you're confident now? The microphone just gave up on him. The microphone's like, this guy's full of shit. This is too perfect. The microphone does not think

you're confident. It made it sad. It got it self-conscious. Steve, good stuff, man. Thank you so much. Steve Catronio, everybody. He's on Twitter. Did he say he had a girlfriend? Yeah.

Maybe that's why the joke is rough, because it's not... Sometimes when people tell jokes that aren't necessarily real at the time, the crowd can sense it. I don't know. You ever see a rich comic going, oh, I'm so broke.

You're like, motherfucker. Yeah. Save that for the real broke people. And it doesn't come off as real. OK. Just a thought. It's true. That's absolutely true.

Steve Cotronio is on Twitter. It's Steve Cotronio. And Adam Connett is on. I am Adam Connett. Connie. Connie. C-O-N-N-I-E. Yeah.

Adam. Adam, not the best at handwriting however funny first day in LA Iron Patriot oh okay just getting a drink how's it going over there

it's hot up in this motherfucker why do you have to wear the mask you don't have to wear the mask if you don't want to take the mask off there she is, everybody. The beautiful. Stunning. It's like some

Disney film. That Velcro is destroying the kinky twist right now. It's like an Iron Man avatar. Hi, Tiffany. I've seen this porno before. The one with her and Josh That'd be a creepy one No it wouldn't

Anything that Josh does is creepy No it's not I think they want to bang I saw some chemistry between the two of them I would love to watch Tiffany Haddish just dominate you Right Just break his dick right off I love that Can I get a ringtone of that? Break his dick right off. Oh, yeah.

I love that. Can I get a ringtone of that? I dominate that ass. I dominate that ass. I dominate that ass. I dominate that ass. I dominate that ass. I dominate that ass. We just got to hear Josh talk dirty and poorly at the same time.

I dominate that ass. That's the best fucking accent in comedy. Put your hands together for your next comic. His name is Tom Zawacki. Zawacki. Here he is. Hey, hey. Start now.

I was at Ralph's the other day trying to decide which type of honey mustard to buy when a woman with a shopping cart politely walked in front of me. As she did so, she said, excuse us. And I thought, that's odd. She's by herself.

Why would she say us? And I looked down and she had a small accessory-sized dog in the child area of her shopping cart. Something about that. Something about the way she said us just made me want to cut her fucking head off. I got so pissed. It was like zero to ten.

Fuck your dog, lady. Your dog has no idea what's going on. He's not judging you, and he does not have enough social awareness to comprehend this interaction. Excuse us as if I give a shit. Leave your fucking dog out of it. It's not like I hate dogs or anything. I love dogs.

But a dog, especially one smaller than a slice of a loaf of bread, does not need to be included in your apology. There it is. Thank you. There you go. Thank you. That sounded like a blog. What was the grocery store?

That shit happened. What store was it? It was Ralph's. Ralph's. I don't like how you lost confidence in the joke while you were telling it. I totally did. I was like, fuck, I got no laughs. I didn't even know you were, in the joke while you were telling it. I totally did. I was like, fuck, I got no laughs.

I didn't even know you were like, can we start? And then you just were like two sentences into your joke. Was I? And I know you only got a minute, so probably in a normal set you'd be like, hey, what's up? But I think that's important, too. Yeah, you still do that. Hey, guys. Has this ever happened to you or something like that along the lines?

Yeah, it sounded like you were reading a blog. Reading and then blog. That was like the worst incident. I'm just going to keep it 100. That part though. I think the premise is funny. The lady said, excuse us. She said, excuse us. And then what did

you say? I was just baffled. I was like, why did she say us? She's by herself. But what exactly did you say back? I said nothing. There was no actual word. She said, like she just literally walked past me, said excuse us, and then kept going. I was like, why did she say us?

And I saw the little dog, kind of like he was like, yeah, what up? He kind of like turned his head. And I was like, oh. And then it was just over, and I was baffled. Yeah. That's what you should have been saying right there. And then I went back to trying to pick out the honey mustard. Yeah.

You know, sometimes when you have a funny story, just the story by itself, it's a funny premise, but what actually happens as it plays out for real may not be as funny. So you have to take that funny premise, and you've got to add some stuff, even got to fake it a little bit, you know, raise the stakes, which would have been funny. He's like, hey, excuse us.

She's like, us? She's like, me and my dog, and then you go into this crazy dog lady, and then the dog doing, what up, bro? You know, like right there. That's funny shit. All right. But just like you got, again,

it just seems like it takes too long to get to what you're trying to say. Yeah, it almost just like you got, again, it just seems like it takes too long to get to what you're trying to say. Yeah, it almost seemed like you were saying it backwards, like that movie Mentor or something like that. I was trying to figure out. Memento? Memento, yeah. Mementor. Mentor.

Mementor. It's hilarious. But yeah, when you were saying it, I was kind of like, all right, I see what you're saying, but you're going such a weird path. Like that movie, Momentor. Starring Richie Guy. Yeah, and you could go into people that bring their dogs into restaurants and airplanes.

You know what, I think he uses anger to sell that joke, but he lost confidence. It didn't come across. You just don't care about this shit, man. You don't care about this shit that much that if they didn't laugh at the first part, you lose confidence in the second part.

Have fun. When I was young and I used to go over to the improv and all my friends were first starting to bubble up and starting to work from open micers to book shows, and they would go over to the improv and they would tell their first joke. If it didn't get laughed, you would just see it just crash and they just grabbed that plane and just flew it into the building you know i'm saying like they did not and that's not it man if you don't get it on the

first one you'll get on the next one yeah it's not over you get on the one after that yeah sometimes they don't even know that that was supposed to be a funny part. It could just be a part of the funny setup. You're the only person that knew that. Yeah. What I do like is that you brought back the Kramer haircut. I think nobody's done that. To do it in front of Ian Edwards and Tiffany Haddish is very brave, and you deserve points for that.

It used to be more fro-y, and I kind of tamed it up. Did the honey mustard come back at any point? That's another question I wanted to ask. See, that's where I lost it because that's usually where it gets a laugh. As opposed to just saying, oh, I was at Ralph's. I was at Ralph's doing something silly, literally trying to pick a honey mustard and then this other ridiculous

thing happened. Oh, you were in front of the honey mustard when it was happening. I was trying to decide which type of honey mustard to buy and then she walked by. You probably got to pick a stronger product. Well, I think it's funny because it's a weak product. Or go into honey mustard a little bit. Right.

Yeah, talk about it. I mean, I'm looking for honey mustard. Tampons. He said try to buy tampons. Then it becomes hacky. That's true. And you've heard a thousand guys going, guys, you ever go to the store to get tampons?

And then they don't know the price. So they're like, price check on tampons. And you're like, oh, there goes my manhood. You know, it's just like, that's kind of been done. I like more if you were really looking for honey mustard. Were you really? No, yeah, that was like a true joke.

No, yeah? Okay. I'm just saying, yes, I was looking for honey mustard. What were you going to use the honey mustard to eat? I like putting it on sandwiches. What's your favorite kind? This guy applauds. What was going through your mind when you were picking one?

Do you want the sweetest honey type of... There's the regular honey mustard, but I'm like, that's played out. Fuck that shit. And then they have spicy, but then they have extra sweet honey mustard. It's already sweet because it's honey. Have you ever tried to make your own honey mustard?

There's so many different types. Jack Daniels your own honey mustard? There's a lot. There's so many different types. Jack Daniels had a honey mustard. And I was like, and I bought it. That was the one I bought and it wasn't good. And then you can talk about how you're just on this fucking vision quest for honey mustard. And then this crazy bitch bumps into you

and is like, excuse us. And it's just her. Now you're going into that. How angry were you when she said excuse us? Everything you just said about the honey mustard thing, there's something there. Now you're going into that. How angry were you when she said excuse us? I would definitely, everything you just said about the honey mustard thing, there's something there. And even with the Jack Daniels one, like, you could get it, and then you find out that it doesn't get you drunk or something. Maybe

add a few, like, celebrity chefs have their own kind of mustard. Who would have honey mustard? What celebrities? Richard Ray. Dog the bounty hunter. Caesar the dog whisperer. Yeah, just Richard Ray. Richard Ray. Dog the bounty hunter. Caesar, the dog whisperer. Yeah, just like weird people like that.

Not even chefs. You know what they should do? Remember Crystal Clear Pepsi? Fuck yeah. They should make clear mustard so that when it gets on your shirt. That just looks like jizz. Yeah. It'd be weird.

It just looks like jizz. Jizz on your sandwich. Yum, yum. No, I swear it's honey mustard. That'd be crazy. You'd look at your cheeseburger and it had a bunch of honey mustard on it. Your cheeseburger would look all warped

because it'd be clear. But it'd be thicker clear. It'd look like hand sanitizer. Like glitching your cheeseburger. That'd be sweet. Glitching. Look at that. That sounds dead.

Glitch. Sounds like somebody's going to die off of that. Yeah. That's why they stopped doing Crystal's going to die off of that. Yeah. That's why they stopped doing Crystal Pepsi. Notice how they just kind of... Yeah, that was very creepy. It looks like water. She was around for like 10 months.

Yeah, it was the most fun 10 months. Did you see that guy on the internet that drank a bottle from like 1990 or whatever? He bought it off eBay. Yeah, he was like throwing up everywhere. I thought, bro. Bad move. Sam, do you remember up everywhere. I thought, bro. Bad move. Sam, do you remember the old days at Deskwater? I used to have a box of this shit called Liquid Ass,

which is this thing that just one little drop would make the whole place smell like assholes. This guy on YouTube, I forget his name, but I tweeted it the other day, drank a whole bottle of it. Wow. And how many hits did that video have?

30,000. That's it? Yeah. That's not worth it. And you tweeted it? So it probably had 100,000 after that. No, I don't think so. I don't know. It's amazing how those things blow up. There's nothing like working on a craft for years and years. I went to the big

YouTube comedy event. I was there and there was a red carpet and everything. And there to the big YouTube comedy event. I was there, and there was a red carpet and everything, and there's all these amazing comedians and stuff, and it's all mixed together. Great comedians going down the red carpet, and then there's the YouTube part of the thing, too. So there's a cat that's falling asleep being walked down a red carpet.

It was so devastating. A grumpy cat? Yeah, there was a bunch of cats. Imagine if you were doing a set and you invited representation to come see you and all of a sudden Tommy came up and goes, hold up, we have the guy

that drank a bottle of liquid ass. He wants to go up and do a quick five. Imagine that. That's what we are as a society. The liquid ass dude is a mini celebrity. There's Vine celebrities now too. Some of my friends are Vine celebrities.

Some of mine are too. Horrible human beings. My fish is in Glamour magazine or one of their magazines for being on Vine. Who's this? Simone and Brittany. I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at anybody getting famous. One of their magazines for being on Vine. Who's this? Simone and Brittany. Both of them. Unbelievable.

Yeah, I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at anybody getting famous. I mean, they on there shaking their ass and spitting in their mama face. They deserve it. Spitting in their mama's face? No wonder they're big. Yeah, that girl's big. Would you spin your mom's face to be on the cover of Vogue?

Hell yeah. You were thinking about that one. I'm going to suck up all the snot and everything in my body and spit it right in and be like, Mama, this is for Vogue. What about LA Weekly? Would you do it for LA Weekly? Nah.

Nah. How about Black Tail Magazine? Nah. Would your mama do it for Black Tail Magazine? Maybe. She likes black guys. Does she? No.

That didn't sound believable. It didn't. It really didn't sound believable. Tom Zawacki, stretch it out. Get the honey mustard in the mix, man. Funny stuff, dude. He's on Twitter at Zawacki Tom. Z-A-W-A-C-K-I. That's your real last name, huh? Am I talking too much?

Wow. Fuck yeah. Not enough honey mustard jokes out there Not enough, you could be the honey mustard guy It's true Have you seen the honey mustard comedian Tom Zawacki? Free honey mustard for the first 50 fucking tickets There it is

Here he is, a new name Put your hands together for Dennis Wilson everybody Dennis Wilson, everybody. Dennis Wilson. Worst at swearing, worst at calling, and chocolate cream. Here he comes, here's Dennis. Say it publicly, and you're insane. Chocolate cream. All right, what's up, what's up?

What's up? I was driving across country the other day from Texas, and I had this weird thought. I want to steal a cow. Because nobody's watching them. I almost had one the other day. But I don't have a truck. I got an SUV.

I couldn't get that third seat down. So stupid. I got an SUV. I couldn't get that third seat down. I'm from South Central Los Angeles, so a lot of my friends get killed every day. So I'm starting my bucket list. So a lot of people, they do stuff on their bucket list that's dangerous, like skydiving. That's for pussies. I want to slap a cop. People say, aren't you worried about

getting shot? Like, no, I'm going to slap him in a public place. Somewhere like Denny's. Right in the middle of eating his Grand Slam. eating his grand slam. Don't worry about it. Fuck yeah, Dennis Wilson. Thank you guys. All right. Dennis, fuck yeah.

Represent, yeah. Funny stuff, dude. Funny stuff, man. My first advice, if I could, I don't want to jump on anybody. Next time your name gets called, just walk, dude. You were out of breath for the first 30 seconds, dude.

You're fucking power walking up here. Take a breath. You deserve it. You're funny, man. Heck yeah. You're from South Central? Talking to the mic. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry about that. You're from South Central, yeah. How long you been doing this? Four years now. Four years. I like the way you came to stage. You seem, I don't know, you said it was out of breath, but it just seemed like kind of nonchalant.

And I said, I hope this guy keeps this nonchalant, I said it wrong, throughout the set. Okay. And you did. You just said, all right, you know. I liked it, man. It's funny shit, good jokes. Original stuff.

Yeah. I heard jokes. Original stuff. I ain't heard any of that stuff. His parking tickets are high, man. What? I had to feed that guy. I didn't know that, but I was just like, you were kind of out of breath, so I just didn't want you to die on stage. What would you have done

with the cow? I think I would have liked to have heard why you would want to take the cow. It's only got a minute, Tony. Well, he went on to different things, though. Really, he's part of my bucket list. I believe that me rescuing a cow is on his bucket list. That's funny.

That's another piece I just didn't get. It's fun. I think it's good stuff, dude. I think it's funny. It's original. I like the Denny's line. Good stuff, dude. I think it's funny.

It's original. I like the Denny's line. I mean, we can nitpick the transition into the Denny's line about like you could just say, nobody's asking you about getting shot. You could be like, I ain't worried about getting shot because I'm going to smack them in Denny's. You know what I'm saying? But that's just nitpicking at that point. It's just really funny stuff. I would raise your voice a little, though, without interrupting your calmness

and how your vibe is on stage because you have a great vibe, but it's really hard to hear you. I had you kind of lift it up to the max, too, and the volume over here. I'm not a loud talker, actually. We'll put the mic closer to your mouth. Yeah, and you can just eat it. Are you a San Fran fan, or are you just wearing the hat?

Yeah, I like San Fran, but I bought the hat when I was in San Francisco. Oh, gotcha. So I like it. It's just a sentimental thing. Where were you driving when you saw the cow? From Texas. Oh, wow.

Yeah, my father's from Austin. Oh, cool. It's funny, dude, but I appreciate that because two of my favorite comics is on the panel tonight, so I really appreciate it. Oh, thank you so much. Me and Redman are so happy. Good answer, bro. No, thank you. I appreciate that. Really funny stuff, dude. are so happy. Good answer, bro. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Really funny stuff. There he goes. Dennis Wilson killing it. In and out. Doesn't have a Twitter, so find him on Facebook. Get on black Twitter, yo. He's my first uncle on my granddaddy's side. Really?

Mm-hmm. I believe you. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, shit. He's your first uncle on your granddaddy's side. Really? Mm-hmm. I believe you. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, shit. He's your first uncle on your granddaddy's side. Yeah.

So he's like, yeah. Tiffany, where are you from again? South Central Los Angeles. Wow. 54th and Western. Have you ever seen Dennis before? Yep. There you go.

At the weave spot. At the weave spot? No, weed. Oh. That's where you see your uncle at? Yeah, that's where most people see their uncle. Just pure... She's just even money, dude.

She just can't go wrong. Hilarious. I love it. Who's next? Let's keep bumping it along. Exactly. Please make it be the man with the wig on. I know. I'm trying so hard.

Do we ever do that? No, I'm trying so hard. I'm trying. I'm trying to pull it somehow. I have no idea what the name is, but hopefully this is it. By the looks of things, it could be by this name. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Chad Strong. And what it seems.

Oh, it's not him. It's unbelievable. You better meet with your questions. You got it, actually, on that. You mentioned Black Twitter, and I think that would take off just perfectly, because it's easy to get people to go to bitter.com. I'm 24 years old,

and all of my friends are having children. I don't have kids because I'm fucking years old and all of my friends are having children. I don't have kids because I'm fucking scared. And the thing for me is that I'm also, I remember how I was when I was a kid. And so that scares the shit out of me. Kids' minds are fragile and it's just easy for them to not know the difference between right and wrong. And so that's why for my first grade show and tell, I pulled my dick out. And I had very little to show but a hell of a lot to tell.

But I'm very I am very very nervous extremely but I'm passionate because there was one point in time I opened like slammed open the what was you telling you do stand up like you're asking the hottest girl in school out.

Yeah. Is that your girlfriend back there? And you can't look her in the eye. Is that your chick? Is that your chick? It is. Did he hit on you like that? Was he like, oh, shucks, lady.

Love to see you sometime. It's my first time on stage. Oh, wow. There it is. We did it again. Yeah. All right. We got to play the mole. That explains everything. You just broke your

comedy cherry. All right. All right. Let's do it. Where are you from? I'm from Montgomery, Alabama. I bet. And how long have you not been doing stand-up? 24 years.

24 years, all right. How long have you been in L.A.? A day. Okay, so welcome to the future. Thank you. I got a question. Yeah. You're from Alabama, right?

Yes, that's right. Hold on, take it slow. He's not used to black people talking to white people. Take it slow. I'm not looking in his eyes. Unless you're catching footballs, he doesn't want to hear it, okay? I just want to know, when you said you pulled out your dick for show and tell, and you didn't have much to show, but you was telling,

what was you telling? Like, my Uncle Joe touched my balls right here. My sister touched my nuts over here. I didn't say anything. What was you telling? I got halfway through. What was was telling? What was you telling? Like, my Uncle Joe touched my balls right here. My sister touched my nuts over here. I didn't say anything. What was you telling? I got halfway through. What was you telling? Zip that shit up right now.

Did your uncle touch you at the weed shop? Yeah. It was just yesterday. Okay, this is cool. There's a lot of stuff going on here, man. For your first time, ballsy as fuck. Okay. To come on this show and do it.

That's some ballsy shit. Hands out of the pockets. That's just right there is just, people are just like, you're a wounded animal and you're surrounded by a bunch of fucking lions and they just ate you the fuck up. And that's okay. It's your first time. It's all

psychological, dude. It's all psychological. I mean, you'll be out here long enough. You'll see people who have no jokes that just have this confidence and can sell it. Don't look down. If you're too nervous, you don't want to make eye contact, find that empty chair right there.

And look at the empty chair. Find empty spots where no one... But at least you look like you're looking at the crowd and then you give across some confidence. I look at tops of people's heads. When I'm feeling like I don't want to look at somebody in looking at the crowd, and then you give across some confidence. I look at tops of people's heads. When I'm feeling like I don't want to look at somebody in the eyes, or whatever, I'll just look at the top of their heads.

It looks like I'm looking at them, and I am kind of looking in their direction. Sometimes, man, I'm just too stoned. I don't want to look at people's faces, because I'll just freak out. I always look at the back of the room. I always look at the wall in the back. What's the ring on your right hand? It's a class ring.

High school? Yeah, high school. You're on the way there. Yeah, I think it's about time to put that away, Chad. Yeah, it is. It is. Wow, you're very innocent. Yeah.

You need to start drinking more Jack. I can't wait until you have a fucking meth problem. I didn't have enough before I came up here. Plus, I'm an IT guy, so that doesn't help anything at all. What does that mean? We could have talked about that. I'm a programmer. A computer programmer from Montgomery, Alabama.

Did you go to ITT Tech? I want to know, did you go to ITT Tech? No, I went to Auburn University. Read his class ring, you'll find out. That would have been funny if it was an ITT Tech class ring. Oh, no. Because then I wouldn't be able to talk at all. He's seen a commercial.

Let me ask you something. What were the jokes that you were trying to do? I have one about... Like here, this set. What were you talking about? I was talking about just pulling my dick out in front of my first grade class as a show and tell because I thought that was...

Did you really do that? A friend did. Okay. I tried to try to the teacher stopped him you tried to pull it out after no I didn't oh he um he just started to but she put us up to that this this is first time so for me personally I ain't gonna say much you just keep doing it until you get less nervous, that's all. Get on stage, dude. It was great. I'm jittery as hell. For completely shitting the bed, you did awesome. I mean, I told my girlfriend, I was like, I come up here, if I just shit and piss myself, I probably feel okay.

This is a classic first set because you're doing it on a podcast, so you'll never forget that moment. I've been listening for about a year and I just had no other way to come out here other than vacation. So you're going back to Alabama? Unfortunately. Is there open mics all over the place? No. So you just wanted to get on the show? I just wanted to do comedy. Well, great job.

You've been listening to this for a year? Yes. Oh, wow. Thank you, Chad. That's amazing. That's only 46. We always wondered where our one listener from Alabama was. No, there's a lot of Death Squad in Alabama, man. Really you, Chad. That's amazing. That's only 46, though. We always wondered where our one listener from Alabama was. No, there's a lot of Death Squad in Alabama, man. Really? There's a lot. I did a show with Rogan at the Nashville Zanies, and it was just all Alabama Death Squad.

So Nashville Zanies doesn't have an open mic? Well, no, no, no. I mean, the only one that I know of is in Birmingham. I saw Tom Segura and Christina Pachewski there. Awesome. They were the only ones that I've ever, ever seen to come out to Alabama. Are you going to pursue it or are you just

bucket list? We could make some money in Alabama. Let's do it. I think after tonight, I mean, this kind of broke everything and I really want to. I'd like to do it even if it's just as a hobby and not a full-time thing. Why not? I mean, I'm finishing up my master's, and I want to be a professor,

so that's kind of the main thing. Professor of comedy! What are you getting your master's in? I'm getting my master's in MIS, so the Master's in Information Systems, and then moving on to that in the doctoral level. But a minor in pussy dough.

Holy shit. That's amazing. What about that PhD, though? Oh, right. I got you guys all addicted to that shit. I know I did. Yeah, you did now. That's great.

Great job, dude. First time. There he is. Bucket list. You're a smart dude. Not on Twitter? Yes. You better be on Twitter.

You're an ITT tech. Yeah, it's Strongest Comic, or at Strongest Comic on Twitter? Yes. You better be on Twitter. You're an ITT tech. Yeah, it's Strongest Comic, or at Strongest Comic on Twitter. So you've got Strongest Comic Twitter handled, but you're not 100% sure if you want to do it or not. I have, like, 20 followers, so of course. By the way, this guy just got his first IMDB credit. Fuck yeah. Must be nice.

There he goes, everybody. Chad Strong. The pride of Alabama. Roll tide. There he goes. I'm still trying to get the... The tranny guy. The guy with the beard.

I feel so bad because he has to get up every time to get ready. And then when he... The disappointment. All right, I'm going to try it again. Like his dad just walked in on a dress. Maybe this is him. Put your hands together for Kevin Farr. Darn it.

Somebody tried to steal my identity. Didn't work. Like, I wish if people, like, stole your identity, like, identity theft, they couldn't just steal the good stuff, like your name, your social security information, your credit card info. Like, I wish if you stole somebody's identity, like, you actually had to steal, like, you had to become them. Like, that's a deterrent.

Would you take that $30,000 line of credit if you had to become me? Maybe. Take that shit? You look healthy. Like I might have good credit but I'm also a sexual deviant. So enjoy that entertainment system

you got on the credit card that you opened up on my name but you're going to be watching some pretty fucked up shit on that TV I don't have time to go into it more so let's just end it That was great Kevin Fard I was really worried about that joke

because you've all heard that joke of somebody stealing the credit. Let them have it. I was so worried, but then you took it to a really cool level, so that's good. I was more worried about the pauses. What's up with the pauses? I just pause.

He's a pauser. I think even though I already know what I'm going to say, I don't know. What's your nationality? Persian I know the 100% Somebody say what

I heard what You're 100% I know pelvis I know pelvis Persian Elvis I'm friends with the Iron Sheik No big deal compliment or is that a i know pelvis i know pelvis persian elvis maz jabrani oh yeah yeah dropping names i'm friends with the iron chic no big deal that is a big deal yeah one thing i uh i just again when you come up here when you rush into it it already starts off like okay what what

this guy seems already nervous even even for a minute it'd be like hey what's up everybody then go into your joke. You could cut so much out of that joke. Because once you get to the part with your porn and all that stuff, people are laughing. But you're all over the place with the, you know, taking it. Just be like, what if they sold your identity? What if they had to steal everything? Not just my crap.

How about my porn addiction? Then, boom, you're right into it and you were getting laughs right there. So it just seemed like, again, there was a lot of excess explaining that takes away from what you're doing. Sam, I don't even think he's listening to you. I'm listening! I'm listening.

He's giving me blue steel the whole time I'm up on stage. He's Persian. He's like, man, I'm so rich, I don't have to listen to fucking Sam. I'm not rich. I'm not a rich Persian. He's like, man, I'm so rich. I don't have to listen to fucking Sam. I'm not rich. I'm not a rich Persian. You're the one? Fard is your full last name?

Yeah. That's interesting. You're like a very lucky Persian to just have a simple last name like that. How long have you been doing it? Two and a half. Weeks?

That hurt. Again, I think you have a funny premise. Again, Red Baron's right. It was different. Do you know where they stole your identity from? Was it the gas station one? No, it was was i don't know what happened it's one of those ones where they left like a message on my like dad's and like my

home phone's answering machine and they're like trying to scare me into like calling them and saying like you don't give us your information we're gonna they they made up like the federal crime we're from the and. And you fell for it? No. The guy was an idiot. He had an accent. So how did he get your identity? I said he tried to steal my identity.

Oh, they didn't end up getting it. That's just an entry into it. I've had that shit happen three times already. I had the IRS after me because they said I owed all this money for owning all this property. We're talking about identity theft, not chlamydia. No. Feedback. But the guy, the last guy that did it, I guess it was this guy from Africa, and he worked as a job as Brian Reichel.

And so then I went to the job, and I'm like, is Brian Reichel there? He goes, actually, he hasn't been showing up lately. I don't know where he is. I'm like, well, I'm Brian Reichel. Who is this guy? He goes, what? No, you're showing up lately. I don't know where he is. I'm like, well, I'm Brian Reichel. Who is this guy? He goes, what? No, you're not. And he showed me a picture.

It's this huge black dude named Brian Reichel from Africa. He said, yeah, he barely speaks English, and he just works on the golf course. So Red Band is not your last name? No. Oh, no, absolutely not. I think the joke about being a broke Persian is really funny. Do you ever talk about that? No. No.

No. Because you just want to be good looking on stage. Get all the ladies. He wants to be the Persian Seinfeld. He looks like a Persian. What's up with hummus? He looks like a Persian Superman. Thank you.

What's up with buying all the buildings? Are your parents super duper Persian? Nah, not really. I'm not from L.A. You guys are in L.A., and there's L.A. Persians. I'll travel in packs. I'm from a town that has, like, two Persians, so I don't really fit in.

They literally just... Most of the Persians in this town, their parents own a building. Yeah, I said that. Oh, you said that? What town are you from where there's only two? It's a small town called Davis. It's in Northern California.

Northern California. There's a college there, right? Yeah, UC Davis. That's where they grow weed at, right? What about the weed, though? What about that weed, though? Up in Humboldt. Do you smoke weed weed though? What about that weed though? I've been humbled. Do you smoke weed though? You know.

His mother's listening. No, we don't know. Do you? Yeah. You're having trouble telling the truth. Yeah, I think you have... I'm very nervous. That might hinder your comedy.

You've got to open up. Or you've got to find the truth that you are comfortable talking about. Because comedy, you've got to talk about truth on stage or else it just rings hollow. Some people can get away with it, but the masters, the best ones, there's a lot of honesty going on on stage. You seem really adamant about not revealing any

real truth about yourself. It's the Persian blood. Is that that Persian pride? No. I just don't smoke weed a lot. But you were very hesitant like you do but you don't want it to be on record on a very popular podcast.

Yeah. How many backpacks? but you don't want it to be on record on a very popular podcast. Yeah. Man, you give up information pretty quickly. How many baby mamas do you have? Great question, Patriotica. I don't do it a lot. You don't do what a lot? She said baby mamas.

So you don't have sex a lot? She said baby mamas. So you don't have sex a lot? Yeah. Are you gay? No. Wait a second. It's all right if you are. It's all right if you are, dude. You are amongst friends, bro. We got a person in the back that would like to talk to you.

He don't do it a lot. He don't do it a lot. Do you have a wife? No. Oh, okay. Do you have a girlfriend? 28. Okay.

And do you have a day job? Yes. What is that? I'm an attorney. Holler at your girl. You are rich. Stop playing games with your lying ass. I'm not rich.

I'm not rich. Why would you be afraid? Hold on. There's a difference. Even though you're in debt from law school, you're drawing a check. And I don't make a lot of money as an attorney. Compared to the open mic scene, I'm rich.

To Garagos? Okay, you're not rich compared to Garagos. But I'm sure you're bringing in a little cash. What kind of attorney are you? Yeah, let's hear this. I'm a criminal, mostly. I got plenty of clients for you. Let's talk.

I know a gang of people need it. You can make some money with these dope criminal, mostly. I got plenty of clients for you. Let's talk. I know a gang of people need it. You can make some money with these dope dealers, though. What about them dope dealers, though? I think you need to start getting a little more honest. Open up. He's an attorney. It took me a long time. He's going to sue us all, so we better just treat him fairly.

It took me a while to be there. going to sue us all, so we better just treat him fairly. It took me a while to be there. I used to just do observational material, but I really feel like once I started getting more honest on stage, there comes a more appreciation of what you're doing. And that's just my opinion. I think you need to take a chance and reveal some stuff about yourself instead of just thinking you're always being cross-examined the whole fucking time. Yeah.

You scratch your neck all the time? Huh? Do you scratch your neck all the time? Like when you're doing your little... I do scratch my neck a lot. Yeah, like a crackhead. You found the secret. Wall Street in this motherfucker.

Wall Street. That's cocaine. Wall Street and this motherfucker. Wall Street. Cocaine is here. But that coke though. I like him though. Thank you. After you heard he was a lawyer. I'll take that shit.

Would the village elders be okay with you dating Tiffany Haddish? Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Haddish. You wouldn't be stoned to death? She has like a Haddish, right? Yeah, Haddish.

Sounds close enough, right? That sounds good. Haddish. I could be really hairy, too. If I let everything grow, I could be super hairy. She's fairly dark, Papa. All right. She's clothed enough Yeah, I am clothed

All you gotta do is dress like a ninja When you meet his parents I'm witty Put the mask back on and we're good Love is in the air It's a little open in the back of this outfit Fuck yeah That's gonna be one dark baby It's a little open in the back of his outfit. Fuck yeah.

That's going to be one dark baby. Kevin Fard, everybody. There he goes. Kevin Fard. Chewbacca. At Kevin Fard on Twitter, F-A-R-D. Great, great, best Persian name to get through TSA for sure. Kevin Fard. Fuck yeah.

As part of the show, we're going to move on to three regulars who go up each week. Can't get the trainee up here? No, unfortunately not. Is the trainee a regular? But please come back. Hopefully you'll come back next Monday and give it another shot back there. We'd love to have you on. He probably won't leave because it's hard to walk in that dress.

So he'll be here until tomorrow. Or next week. I'm not even going to be here next Monday. No, we will. I will. I love it. Your flight's coming in early? Earlier, yes.

So you're just going to leave me behind? Yeah, I have to. I'll be gone too. You're leaving me behind too? I got my ticket early I think I'm leaving before all you guys I leave at 8am I'm bringing my dog

this first young lady you might recognize her from her previous works in the adult film industry she has started comedy here on Kill Tony and the few times she's been been on, it's always been hilarious. We're very happy to have her back.

Put your hands together for the one and only Missy Martinez. Boom. So, getting old sucks. And I'm noticing it more and more. It's little things. Like, it takes me a lot longer to get out of the booth at Denny's.

I'm not getting carded as much anymore, which is really insulting because my implants are only three. It's really affecting work for me. I have to stretch before I do a scene so I'm like a German shepherd with hip problems. I would bathe in the blood of virgins.

I would do something really drastic like that, but for the life of me, I can't find a virgin in L.A. But I think I'm going to quit porn when I get to the age where I need to have my cum pre-chewed before I swallow it because it's a choking hazard. Fuck yeah.

There it is. Another new minute. Multiple punchlines floating them out there. I like the last, and it is Another new minute Multiple punchlines, floating them out there I like the last, and it's strong Yeah, that's hilarious I just think people should say hello I love Missy, she's a good friend of mine And obviously, I think the world of her I think she's very funny

Again, just come up on stage and be like Hey everybody, dango into your jokes That's just a note But I'm better than everyone else. Sometimes I can come off on stage and happens from the stage. That last joke, you could even go on how you

pre-chewed your cum and stuff. You could even describe it or compare it to a bird, like baby bird. Regurgitative state and I should do a contest where a lucky fan can do it or something. And you need to talk louder still, every week. Still? Yeah, you're really quiet as fuck. Something might be up with that mic.

I tried. I really tried. I projected. You gotta pull it from your uterus. From your uterus, girl. You gotta make that motherfucker vibrate from the inside to come out your mouth. I've heard Tiffany talk out of her uterus before, by the way. I'm going to do

Kegels the whole time while I get critique. There we go. There we go. I think your jokes are funny. Yeah. Give Tiffany the mic real quick. I want to hear Tiffany talking to that mic just so we can hear the difference of like... Talking to the mic like this

right here? See? Like that? Boom. What is this, baby? She ready. Speak up from the uterus. Yeah. It's powerful. Now try to talk, Missy. My uterus. Now you're in the Wu-Tang. That's how you should do it. O-D-B.

Wu-Tang's for the children. O-D-B. Yeah, just a little louder. Okay, I will project. And I think it's so interesting because what you do is, for most people, would be so hard to do. Yeah, when I feel when you come up on

stage, you're nervous. You know, which is interesting. But I think that, again, you gotta fake the courage when you're on stage. I can fake, sir. Yeah, exactly. So you can fake the courage when you're on stage I can fake sir exactly so you can fake

fake there were times where my jokes would carry my confidence my jokes were better than my confidence on stage and then I just realized I just gotta fake confidence which is again looking into the crowd when you drop punch lines you're

and you don't have a lot of faith in them and you see a lot of comics do this their eyes drop and it signs the crowd that you don't have confidence in them but in that material and that you see that a lot happening you have to you have to deliver the material and this isn't screaming and shouting at the crowd but you have to deliver the material like it is the voice of God. Like this is the commandments. This is truth. And you deliver that and in return, they feed off that.

That's just my opinion. I've just seen it. You got to deliver like if you don't believe it, no one's going to believe it. Okay. Right. Do you have any critique for me?

I think you are confident. I think you are confident. It's the bra. I don't think you're shy. Just like Sam said, when you come on stage, he's been saying it to every comic and you came on and you didn't say hi. That was hilarious to me.

She's not going to say hi. She wasn't listening. Besides that, I like the jokes. I think the jokes are funny. How long have you been doing it? This is only my eighth time up here. I've only done it on Kentucky. German Shepherd with what?

Hip dysplasia. With hip problems. I love that she's talking about getting old when you look like you're 24. And that's the only thing. You don't look old. Like at the oldest. But in your profession, you've got to say, in my profession, getting old, boy. Yeah, that's a great line right there.

Because I'm like, you're not that old at all. But you might be old for porn, for athletic porn. I was really nervous, so I ran through it. I was going to say, I'm 27, which is like 80 in porn years. Right. But you might be old for porn, for athletic porno. I was really nervous so I ran through it. I was going to say I'm 27, which is like 80 in porn years. Right, there you go. Boom. And everything else makes sense. There you go. Which would explain the German Shepherd line.

There we go. Very funny, Missy. Missy Martinez, always funny. She's on Twitter at Missy X Martinez. Your next comedian dropped out of college from the University of Florida because she started comedy right here on Kill Tony, and she's been writing a new minute every week since. She's here again.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Kimberly Congdon. What's up? So, guys, I had to start taking a lift because i can't drive in la anymore i can't do it i'm too frustrated um like do you ever let someone out in front of you and then regret it because they drive like an asshole but then you feel like everybody else is judging you for letting them in. Or if someone pulls out in front of you and then they start going slower than you were originally going, it's like, oh, I didn't realize

you were in such a rush to slow me down. I hate when people do stupid shit with their cars. People that hang things from their rearview mirrors, like leis, the Hawaiian leis. The only people that have those on their mirrors can't actually afford to go on vacation. I don't know. What else to have about stupid drivers? You know.

I get bitter when I let a nice car in front of me because it's like I have a 99 Camry with no hubcaps and I feel like you just bumped me twice in life. There you go. Is your car older than you are? No.

I like how the special guest Tony are all chicks. Nice move. Yeah. Nice move on your part. It's so hard to be a female comedian. We took all the ones that actually wanted to do the show and we just gave them regular spots since everybody else is dudes.

Yeah. Works out. We're equal opportunity. Now, you have to come up with a new 45, a new minute every week. Is that the rule? Yeah. Have you talked about all your tickets that you haven't paid off? Yeah, that was like

week 9 or something. Episode 9. Lose the first joke by the way. That joke was just... Those you knows are killing you. They're really dragging you down. It's a crutch and people will pick up on it immediately.

You're telling them, that's the end of this joke and I'm moving on to another thing. And you don't really want to train people to know that you know. I think it's like you were just talking about. That's your head drop disconnect moment where it's like you know and people aren. That's your head drop disconnect moment where it's like, you know?

And people aren't going to go, yeah, we know. It's not going to be like Daniel Bryan where everybody, you start a thing and everybody's like, yes, we know. What's up with you know? I would say, again, you didn't say hello. Okay. So what's up? She did, but you know what? She said it so fast, she didn't even let people absorb it. She's like, what's up?

So you ever been driving? Yeah. And then you go into the Lyft, but you don't even say anything about the Lyft. A lot of people might not even know what Lyft is also. And if you're going to do Lyft, you might as well do Uber. And I did take an Uber, which is stupid. I was just... If you're going to say Lyft,

you got to go into what's funny about you taking Lyfts. You can't just... You ever take a Lyft? Don't you hate when you're driving and it's just, oh, what are we doing here? Right.

Yeah. But the thing hanging, the thing that's funny, you could also say like other things that people hang from their thing, like hot women's centerfold, like smelly aroma, whatever the things they're called. Air fresheners. Air fresheners.

You make it all the things that that guy will never get, like hot women, cherry, I don't know. I got pot pie chicken air fresheners in my car. What? That's hilarious. Is that true? Yeah, you can see it in my car. I got two pot pie chickens air fresheners.

Does it smell like chicken or what? It smells delicious. Can you get original or crispy? I got it spicy. Yeah. When I went to Turkey, they had it at the Turkey and Popeye's in Turkey, the country. They don't have chicken. I mean, they got chicken.

They don't have turkeys here. I thought your set was funny. Thanks. I think it's good I think you're getting better and better every time I see you always fun, good job, there you go Kimberly Congdon

Kimberly let me ask you a question do you like black guys? no, no let go of the mic just talk to me for a second I don't know what to tell you to say to me, but just talk to me for a second.

Like, I want to see how you have a conversation with somebody, like how your body is. Like, your demeanor. Your demeanor, you know, like when you're talking. When I usually talk? Yeah, right. There you go. When you're on stage, you're like this.

So you got to get to how you normally talk. So that's, you know, just work on that. Because, you know, this. So you got to get to how you normally talk. Just work on that. When you just came alive, you just came alive. Do that. That unconsciously will make you more confident on stage too. It's like tricking your brain.

You're having fun. They're having fun. That's the key. Are you down today or something? Do I seem down today? I mean, how your posture was, was very... She's ovulating. No, no. I'm not down today. No, I'm good.

Do you have the downs today? No. No blood rocket in you? I just felt like that joke, I had a lot of stuff towards the end that I didn't get to. And I'm just like... Because I didn't get to a lot of stuff I wanted to say. Good job, though. That's a bunch

of new minutes that you've obtained. And you talked about some people when you're driving, and like, the first thing you brought up, you didn't even go into that much, meaning like, right before letting people in and they cut you off. You said something right before that, and you

just brought it up, but you didn't give any example. And then the next couple you did give an example. You should have done a little example. Okay. Okay, sorry. Thank you. Thanks, Sam. There she goes, Kimberly Congdon.

Your final regular of the night, ladies and gentlemen. You know her from Kill Tony and from the Dysentery podcast. Put your hands together for Sarah Wine-Shank. Hey. What's up, everyone? See you killed. My mom's upset, she called me. Real upset.

My dad's fallen off the wagon. He's abusing trail mix again. It's confusing because the only trail he takes is from the living room couch to the kitchen. So I don't know why he needs a snack for that. Trail mix, guys, you know what the street name for it is? GORP. GORP.

GORP stands for good old raisins and peanuts. That's a thing. GORP stands for Good Old Raisins and Peanuts. That's a thing. GORP. Weird, right? Because, like, good old, like, that's what you call a friend. Oh, good old Jim over here. You don't call raisins and peanuts good old. At least I don't.

And what about, you know, those trail mixes where they decide to throw in M&Ms? I respect those. I think most people do. But I don't understand. Okay. Were you close to something there at the end? You don't understand what? Why they decided to put raisins and peanuts together to give people energy

because I've never gotten energy from just raisins and peanuts alone, so why would I feel more energetic from the hybrid of them together? I think it's a... Okay, glad you got cut off. Yeah, it's a... Okay, okay. The trail mix thing is funny, but you could almost say, maybe rewrite it to, like, he gets food...

Nah. Trail mix could be called any food that he gets when he goes to the kitchen i just found it interesting that you said that the only trail is going to the kitchen but yet he'll probably only go to kitchen get food so maybe make it so like any food is called trail mix or i don't know there was something weird there that when you said it i was like okay there's something there okay yeah his trail mix is bologna sandwiches, hog maw, I don't know, collard greens. I don't know, shit that makes it fat. Like corned beef or some pastrami and rye.

Yeah, that's his trail mix. Yeah, yeah. But it sounds healthy because... Gorp's a real thing, huh? Yeah, Gorp's a thing. That was your biggest laugh. Okay. And because you said, and the street name is,

which is laugh, then you wanted to explain, breaking down what the word was, which kind of, you lost people for a little bit. Okay. If you went into, imagine trying to find gorp on the streets. Yo, I'm slinging some gorp over here, whatever. Talk to Tiffany Haddish's uncle about how to do that. But, you know, just like, you just talk about,

that's the humor right there with the street name like it's rock or crack or something like that. I was thinking like it should be a verb like I'm trying to get gorp'd. Right. Trying to gorp tonight. Gorping. But breaking down the word, I don't know that might be funny, but you have to find a different way

of doing that. Just don't over explain it. Just break it down for what it stands for quicker instead of like trying to explain it. Yeah, it down for what it stands for quicker instead of trying to explain it. I don't know if you necessarily need to say what it stands for because the word is just funny itself. Right. And then you just go into trying to find Gorp on the street. Okay.

Going into shady areas looking for Gorp. Yeah, you could say your dad eat like a bird. He be in these streets trying to get that gorp though. That's so true. That is really funny to just basically call it bird food. That is pretty much what it is. I wrote down hamster food, but bird food's probably better.

Yeah, because you don't see a man really eating like a bird. That'll be funny. Yeah. And then you act out, I'm going to be eating his trail mix and shit. Garp dough. Sarah Wine Shank, thank you so much. Thank you. She's on Twitter at Princess Shank.

Guys, that's Kill Tony 47. We did it. Tiffany Haddish, you're coming with us this weekend. Haddish. Haddish. Haddish. Haddish. What's your Twitter again?

Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany Haddish. H What's your Twitter again? Tiffany Haddish Tiffany Haddish H-A-D-D-I-S-H And I expect 100 new followers off of this too That's right That's always the deal

When you do this You get 100 followers So Everybody Even if you're listening to this And you already follow Tiffany Go have a friend Sign up for Twitter

Just to follow Tiffany Yeah She wants more followers. And send her a dick pic. She'll send you back a butthole pic. No, I'll send you a tweet. And visit her wish list. She wants a Roomba or a vibrator.

She's got some stuff on there. Get her the Hitachi, fellas. Maybe you just need a Roomba that you can sit on. Fuck the Roomba. Yeah, that would be nice. All right. Ian Edwards, Ian Edwards comic on Twitter. what else is going on anything coming up uh you know just chilling that's it i love it we i think we should all as comedians make it our job to blow fucking ian edwards up because he's the funniest dude i know

i have no fucking clue why this motherfucker isn't the biggest name in comedy. Nobody writes better. Nobody. I mean, every time I see him, he's got five new minutes of just fucking airtight fucking comedy. I don't get this fucking town. I just think you should be the biggest dude in comedy.

And check out his podcast The Preposterous Sessions on iTunes with Zahra Mizrahi. It's hilarious. Well, thanks, Sam. I'm going to hire you as my publicist. That's my number one move. But good looking out. Sam Tripoli is on Twitter.

It's Sam Tripoli. You got The Naughty Show. What else is banging? Naughty Show, very excited. I will be doing a little Arizona tour with my good friend Brian Redband at the end of the month. Yeah, yeah. The 25th at the Hotel Congress in Tucson.

And then the 26th at Chili Bombers in Phoenix. And then hopefully by the time this comes out, my new CD, Believe in Yourself, should be on iTunes. So I really, really enjoyed the CD, and I hope that you guys will too. And I'm very happy, you guys. 46, it's a great podcast, and I'm glad you guys are killing it thank you

Portland Seattle Vancouver but I'm going to be in Brea Improv the 25th and the 26th opening for the great Dave Attell all week funny as fuck I'll see you there see you guys

thanks live audience thank you see you there. All right. See you guys. Bye. Thanks, live audience. Thank you. Thank you. This is the end. Beautiful friend. This is the end. My only friend. The end. Of all the love and love.

The end. Of everything that stands. The end, no safety, no surprise. The end, I'll never look into your eyes again. Thank you. you