KILL TONY - KILL TONY #472

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

Jimmy Shubert, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Jessie Johnson, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 09/07/2020     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show, and you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere. That's DeathSquad.TV. Tony has his own website. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his own tour dates and his merch. That's TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode and he sells prints of them go to ryanjebelt.com and pick up some cool kill tony stuff and last but not least the official merchandise of the death squad universe is shopsquad.tv there you got some death squad hats shirts and you also got some kill tony

shirts left that's at shopsquad.tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the road, famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of kill Tony. Give it up for Tony. Feels good in here. Still feels like there's, you know, 500 people here every Monday.

Especially how they cleared out all the chairs. It feels better and better every single time that we are here at the Comedy Store. You know what? I like the show more without an audience. Who needs tons of validation and happy, smiling faces? You know, the real joy in this is entertaining ourselves. And you know what? I think I'm going to shock the world here, but I think we will never

go back to having an audience again. I think you might be right. I just like seven people interrupting each other with microphones all at the same time. I like it like this. How about you guys? There you go. Feels like an AA meeting in here right now. This is super exciting. Welcome to another episode of Kill Tony. How are you, Red Band? I'm great. How are you? We're getting through it. We're doing it. We have our own fun little things that we're doing, getting through life during these wild times and excited to be here. The great Ryan J. Ebelt is joining us.

Yeah. Look at that stud muffin right there. He draws every single episode and he's drawing this one tonight. He draws all the tour posters. There's a new Kill Tony design shirt that he's slinging his own art design. Really cool stuff all happening at ryanjebelt.com. And click on the Kill Tony banner and see all the amazing stuff that he's making. It is absolutely incredible. We support artists here,

believe it or not. We make fun of artists a lot, but we don't make fun of Ryan J. E. Belt. He is one of the drawing artists, and that is what I consider off-limits. However, comedians and musicians will get tortured. And actors, especially actors. The only way I could make fun of Ryan J. E. Belt is if I drew a drawing

to insult him. His beard's out of control right now. Look at that beard. That's the biggest I've ever seen. Ebel is if I drew a drawing to insult him. His beard is out of control right now. Look at that beard. That's the biggest I've ever seen. It really is. He looks like the father from Teen Wolf. It is absolutely incredible. It is shocking what's going on over there. We're going to have fun tonight.

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completely blown. Woke up with energy at 545 AM on the dot like I do every single day now and felt great all day long. Yeah. And I mean, I drink so much Gatorade and stuff like that just because I feel like I'm always dehydrated. I don't drink enough water. This changes it. Now I'm just drinking water and I don't have all the extra crap in it like sodium. And they're not even a sponsor and we love all these guys. Yeah, exactly.

Liquid ID is not a sponsor. I just wanted to just organically happen that I just brought that up, even though we might send them that clip. And, you know, who knows? Maybe next week they will be a sponsor. So stay tuned. But, God, what a game changer. Hangovers, heat. I mean, it's just great.

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Minimum $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Draftkings.com for details and we're back excited to be here another episode of kill tony live from the comedy store and one of the great things about this show being at this place is that you know this is home to me i've been here for 13 and a half years at the Comedy Store, from a door guy to a paid regular, every single inch of it I love. And a big part of the reason why I came here is because of the amazing history and the badass comedians that are a part of that history. And tonight's guest

is a massive, massive part of that history and the current reputation of absolute murderers that perform here. This guy's one of the great comedians of today and one of my favorite comedians of all time and one of my best pals. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the great Jimmy Schubert, everybody. Yeah! Hey, now! Yes!

Fuck yeah! The new album is out on iTunes. Zero Tolerance with the great Jimmy Schubert. How are you, sir? Pick a copy up if you want to laugh for 57 minutes straight. That's right. Absolutely. We golfed the other day, and you had me laid out before we even hit hole number one,

telling me the story of that guy that went on the audition. Yeah, it was a guy who was up, you know, it was just one of those show business antidotes. Guy was in a commercial audition, and it was in New York, it was in August, and it's like on the 33rd floor, and it's hot. It's like 110 degrees, and it was a stupid little commercial. You sit down on a chair, you take off your shoes, and you do some dance and feet thing, right? And you're sitting on this metal chair. This guy sits down on a chair, he bends over and takes off his shoes,

and then he just rips a massive fart. It had to be about a minute and a half against the metal chair, loud, you know, one of those. And the guy's so embarrassed, he gets up and runs out of the room. He's embarrassed. He's mortified. He gets all the way down to the bottom floor. He walks out.

He realizes he left his shoes upstairs. So he's got to go all the way back up to get his shoes. And he walks in, and people are hanging out the window with the fan, just trying to get rid of the stink in the room. And the guy goes home. He feels like an idiot. About three days later, he gets a call from his agent. He goes, hey, you booked that job.

He goes, how the fuck did I book that job? And he shows up at the commercial. He says, how, why did you book me? It was the worst, one of the most worst moments. He goes, first of all, it was priceless. We didn't watch anybody else's audition. We just kept watching yours and laughing our balls off and rewinding it and watching again. And again, we must have watched it 300 times.

We said, fuck it. Give the guy the job. So he got he got the job. So, you know, people beat themselves up on auditions. You know, there's always a little. This is how Jimmy starts beating you in golf. He makes you laugh so hard before it even starts in 100 degree weather. Get out there.

It's 107. There's no golf carts. We're walking. There's no golf carts. They forgot to charge it. It was like they forget to charge. You know, it doesn't take much to run a golf course except charge carts. And, you know, one of the grass once in a while, you know.

And so we're out there and we make the turn. And Tony slips me into Mickey, that stuff you were talking about. Liquid IV. I gave him some. He gave me some liquid IV, bro. Game changer. I started striping it down the middle just because I didn't want to. I was so exhausted.

I want to just walk directly to my ball. And it was unbelievable. But, yeah, we got it in. It was a hell of a workout. Yeah, we had a good time. A lot of laughs, a lot of fun out here making the best of it. And I'm excited you're back here on Kill Tony. We've had fun. You've been on the show a couple few times. Yeah, man. Glad to have you back. And you might remember there's a band on this show. Nice. Every single episode they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They've been backstage

getting ready. They stay in character throughout the show. Could be a new character. Could be characters we've seen before. Let's all find out what they are tonight as I present to you the best damn band on the land. The Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Jetski, Jesse Johnson, and Chroma Chris.

Uh-oh. Here they are. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Here they are, some postmen. We've seen this crew before for sure. There's a lady post. There's a postwoman now.

My goodness, with a tight little jerry curl. Look at that thing. And then, yeah, there's a whole crew here. My goodness gracious. Welcome back, Mr. Postman. I remember you. I remember you sounding sort of Native American last time you were on the show. Can you remind me of your name?

My name is Walter Fig. Walter Fig. Yeah, you do sound Native American last time you were on the show. Can you remind me of your name? My name is Walter Fig. Walter Fig. Yeah, you do sound Native American still. I hail from Fort Wayne, Indiana. Okay. But I am 100% European, I guarantee you. You're European? Yeah, in my village that I was raised.

Well, welcome back to the show, Walter Figg. Thank you. And then look at this little adorable little jerry curl we got over here. What's your name? Hey, what's up? I'm Hamatha. You're Hamatha? Hamatha?

Okay, just want to make sure. Oh, Redwood's getting hungry. Uh-oh. Hamatha, are you a lesbian postwoman? I'm straight as an arrow, Tony. Okay, all right. I can guess what anybody is in their package. How long have you been a postwoman for?

Oh, about 35 years. 35 years, all right. And then what's your story, sir? You seem like an actual postman. The kids call me Merv the Mailman. Okay. Merv the Mailman. All right.

Why do the kids call you that? Because they're mean little shits who think they run the neighborhood. But I run the neighborhood. Oh, my God. It's my mail all right merv oh my goodness every single character that chroma does that's a little bit older looks exactly like sully sullenberger the hero miracle on the hudson he can't help himself merv and i always land my crashes okay and over here, it appears as though we have what seems to be a young Mexican Miley Cyrus type.

What's your name? It is a party in the USA. My name is Carl Malone, Tony. Oh, that's right. You are Carl Malone. The mailman. The mailman, Carl Malone. All right.

This is exciting. Carl Malone. All right. This is exciting. You postal workers, Walter, it appears as though you guys have been politicized by the left, but they're just making big budget cuts because mail's down

33% over the last four years. We guarantee you delivery of your mail in exactly three weeks' time. Thank you, Walter. Thank you, Walter. Thank you, Walter. Hamantha, what do you think about the recent budget cuts? Hamatha.

Hamatha. You can call me Ham. Okay, Ham. Whatever is easy. I like a lot more packages to sift through. Sometimes I open them up, look inside, play with it a little bit, and put them back. All right. Well, there you go.

Good to know you can trust your current post office. You still use the post office ever, Jimmy? Yeah. Occasionally. There's nothing wrong with a little snail mail, but whenever I go to the post office, I always go, what was your backup plan? Blacksmith?

What are they, $ know, I mean, what are they, $27 billion in fucking debt? The stamp is like 37 cents. How do you lose fucking money delivering fucking packages? I mean, I guess Amazon Prime, they deliver Amazon Prime packages for free. What'd you fucking charge for? How dare you bring up that company?

I'm sorry. Amazon is a postman's N-word. Oh, sorry. I didn't know that. So we got the mailman. We got the great Jimmy Schuber. We got Red Band and the soundboard. And I have a bucket.

It's a bucket of destiny. We had people that were chosen and signed up and chosen before the show. And let's get the party started. But before we go to the bucket, there's only one way to get a real Kill Tony party started. And it's with a guy that they like to call the party starter. This guy, loved by many, including myself, one of my favorite top young rising comedians

in the world. Some people call him the Big Red Machine. Some people call him the Holy Moly. Some people call him the Big Red Machine. Some people call him the Holy Moly. Some people call him the Nuclear Belly Button. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the great William Montgomery. Here we go. Here he is, live in the flesh. 60 seconds uninterrupted from William Montgomery.

I like my women like I like my coffee wrapped in styrofoam. What's the difference between a Lakers fan and a Clippers fan? Trick question, they're both going to die in an earthquake that will strike on August 27, 2020. Hey, you're either La Quinta in or La Quinta out. That's an impression of my landlord asking me to pay for my continental breakfast. I'm at the point where I just hope my son turns out either gay or straight. And Jimmy, I have to say I loved you as the detective in the Italian job. Thank you, sir.

Okay. This is closing out. Closes out with a compliment. 40 seconds of jokes, 10 seconds of compliments. And here we are with the great William Montgomery. Hi, William. How are y'all doing? I'm drunk as shit tonight.

Oh, my goodness. No, I'm kidding. I'm not. No, I know. I can tell. We can tell when you're drunk, believe it or not. Yeah, you're very happy when you're sober. Yeah.

It's true. It really is. You're happy and effective. You're timing, you're pacing the jokes, even though the coffee styrofoam thing, very risky to open with that. But you know what? It established your oddballness right from the get. You followed it up with joke, joke, joke,

an inevitable earthquake happening August 27th of 2020. Is that true? That is on Thursday. Three weeks ago, yeah. Yeah, Thursday, three weeks ago. My goodness. That's interesting. Three weeks ago, yeah. Yeah, Thursday, three weeks ago. My goodness, that's interesting. Three weeks ago. It already happened and the earthquake didn't even happen.

Yeah, but I think it might happen on the August 27th. Okay, what makes you think that? A premonition, if you will. What if that actually happens? Yeah, tell me about it. What if it actually happens? Tell me tell me about it. What if it actually happens? Tell me about it.

Some old school biblical fucking shit just swallows up fucking Los Angeles. Jimmy, where would you go? Where would you go? I'm going to Delray Beach, Florida. Boca down there with my people. How are you going? On an airplane? Can I go with you?

Yeah. Cool. Come on down. Where would you go? Can we exchange numbers or something or how do what how do i get on the plane if you weren't invited to delray beach just then with uh with jimmy where would you have gone if there was an earthquake probably panavidra beach in florida are you just you just come it's on the atlantic coast if i would have asked you five minutes ago what you would do if there was a major earthquake, what would you have said?

I would have said Phoenix, Arizona. Would you drive there or would you walk there? I would have flown. You would have taken an airplane during a massive earthquake. I would have flown. An earthquake swallows Los Angeles and you'd get on an airplane? An airplane is the safest place to be in an earthquake. That is actually true.

It's true. I think it's the safest place to be during the middle of a pandemic because they got the middle seat open now. Nobody's true. I think it's the safest place to be during the middle of a pandemic because they got the middle seat open now. Nobody's flying. I love it. What do you like, Jimmy? What airplanes do you like? Hey, you're asking a lot of fucking questions.

You got a subpoena? Again, I loved you in the Italian job. That's why I'm starstruck right now. You're a great detective in that. Absolutely. Absolutely, William. Is that a new t-shirt? I've never seen you wear the tie-dye before. No, I've had it. Wait, is this new shorts?

Oh my god. Nope. It's still open. Has anybody sent shorts? We tried to get you some shorts. No shorts have been delivered yet. What do you keep in your cargo pockets? What do you got there? Let's play a game called What's in Those Pockets? What's in those pockets?

Whoa, I can't. I can't. And turn that fucking sound down. Oh, you don't like that one, huh? No, and I can't do it. Come on. I got contraband in here. Pull something out of your...

I got contraband in here. Pull it out. I got contraband in here. Come on, man. You're fucking out in the dude. Pull it out. I got contraband in here. Come on, man. You're fucking out in the dude. Pull it out. Pull something out of those pockets. Whoa, keys.

All right, what's in the other pocket? That's not even the pocket I cared about. I want to know what's in that right thigh pocket. Don't pull out your dick. It's not his dick. I wish it was, but my dick is very close to my tummy. So there's no way it could be. We know.

You have big belly button energies. Yeah, that noise I made sounded like that. Pull something out of your- This is my wallet. Whoa. Where's your Ridge wallet? My Ridge wallet? I don't like that company.

Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. I refuse to buy from those fucking people. They don't like dicks. Oh, Jesus Christ. I refuse to buy from those fucking people. They don't like dicks. Okay. That's what I read. That's what I read. They don't like dicks or his dicks. Hey, what's a

dicks? What's in your other pocket? It's the AM FM digital vibrator from Wham-O. Apparently. Jimmy, stop. We're just making notes to edit that out because they're our sponsor. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I'm kidding.

Have we given you a Ridge wallet? No. We haven't? I need one. Can you run to that back room? Who's got one? Grab a Ridge wallet out of there. Who's got one?

Yeah, we've got one for you, William. We've got one grab a ridge wallet out of there who's got one yeah we've got we've got one for you william we've got one for you will you use it if we give it to you yeah jimmy what are your thoughts if i try to get into showbiz dust what sort of stuff should i apply for at this point bro i would fucking get something with benefits because it doesn't look like show business is coming back. Is that a fucking joke? What's that? Is that a fucking joke? Yeah.

What do you mean by that? All right. This is what he does. He gets weird like this. No, I know. I'm pissed. Here's your Ridge wallet. Hey, look at that.

Thanks, bitch. It's a Ridge wallet. Oh, he's been drinking. No, William has been drinking. Yeah, I'm pissed. Oh, my goodness. So let's take it from the top and let's pretend, because that Ridge Wallet part that you said

is definitely not going to be in the episode, even though it made the room laugh. So put that in your pocket, and then I'm going to go. And then we'll just play it as we go. Ready? Okay. And action. What else do you have in your pocket, William?

Tony, it is so nice to be here. Yeah, we already did that. Where do I start? Let's take it from the top. What's in your other pocket? My back pocket? Yeah, what's in your back pocket? I actually have a Ridge Wallet. Whoa, Ridge Wallet. Point that at the camera.

Can we zoom in on that? Really good company. They hate ****. William, you're so stupid. That's why I support them. William, you're out of control. They hate **** in this ****. Put it back in your pocket.

Now we have to do it again. We'll be here all night if we have to. Get ready for the Zoom on this. And action. What's in your other pocket, William? What do you got in your back pocket? Oh, it's just a Ridge wallet. Really? Let's see.

Take a look at this, guys. Oh my god, it's still in the box. That's an actual Ridge wallet. They hate fucking dicks. William. William, you can say anything other than that. We're gonna have to edit the shit out. I don't think you understand. Jimmy told me to say that. We're not live right now. Jimmy told me to say that. We are

not live. Jimmy, get my back on this one. I put him up to it. Yeah, he put me to say that. We're not live right now. Jimmy told me to say that. We are not live. Jimmy, get my back on this one. I put him up to it. Yeah, he put me up to it. All right, let's do it one more time. Can you send me a copy of this deleted scene? All right. I think that's going to be their new national campaign, the Ridgewilders. Yeah, they hate ****.

Actually, we might leave this in, actually, now that I think about it. What's in your other pocket? Oh, I got a new wallet. I think it's from a company called Ridge Wallet. Okay, let's take it from the top. Hold on a second. Don't say you got a new wallet. It's funnier if your wallet is still in the box, William.

You don't need to say you got a new wallet. Okay. It's funnier if your wallet's still wrapped in plastic. But it's in a box. You don't need to say you got a new wallet. It's funnier if your wallet's still wrapped in plastic. You don't need to say it's new. You always just carry a box of a wallet in your pocket. What's in your other pocket? Man, I actually have a wallet I've had for like five years now. It's called a Ridge wallet.

Wow, Ridge wallet, and it's still in the box. They hate that. That's fine. We can keep that in there. That's beautiful. You know, that in there. That's beautiful. You know, that defeats the purpose of the Ridge Wall of keeping it in the box like that. Oh, my goodness.

Jimmy. Oh, he hurt his belly on the mic drop. He hurt his own stomach. William. What happened there? Montgomery. Not a lot of people know this, but if William shaves his beard, he becomes young

Louis Anderson. Yep. Whoa, that is true. Real quick. Whoa. That's why he keeps the beard. Wow. A lot of people called him young Louis Anderson. You could say that. I could. I could say a lot of things. You could say a bunch right now. Alright. Anything else happen in your

personal life this week? Cooked out some salmon last night on my Weber grill. You cooked salmon on the Weber? Really good. Really? I would not trust you cooking fish on a grill if my life depended on it. It was delicious. I could be starving.

I could have not eaten for days. And if you're like, hey. Tony, you're lying. I'm a good griller. You know what he cooked the other day? A frozen pizza on the grill Oh god It's delicious

I could have walked from Phoenix, Arizona to here Starving And if you're like, hey, I'm putting salmon on the grill You want some? I'd be like, I just ate Jimmy likes it though Wouldn't you eat a frozen pizza I made? Yeah, you know, in the old days When these guys used to drive to these gigs

They used to put the frozen people under the air filter. The frozen people? The frozen pizza. What do you mean frozen people, Jimmy? Don't make me come over there. Okay. Oh, man. They would put the frozen pizza on the air filter and close the lid and it'd drive to the air filter.

The air filter? By the time they got to the gig, the pizza was cooked. I don't get it. He's crazy. Just ignore him. He's crazy. Just ignore him. He's the only one like this. So firecracker here out of the number one spot, William. You have a real spunky attitude.

Yeah, I've reached my boiling point. Your boiling point? Yep. You have a temperature? What did he temp in at today? Let's look at it. We're going to check. I think it was 104.

We check everybody's temperature. 97.3. Soft rock FM radio. Yeah, my favorite radio station. That's what I was about to say. My temperature was 54. Is that normal? Wow. Fig. Walter Fig. Walter Fig. What do you think about

his name being Walter Fig? I love him. There you go. Well, William, we love you. Nice to see you. You're one of the true greats. Nice to see you, Jimmy. After the show, let's exchange numbers and hang out maybe. Sounds good, William. Cool.

I'll hit you up after we get done. Perfect. Is that a joke? You're smiling. I don't. There he goes. William Montgomery, everybody. There we go.

And it has begun man he's a postman he's the motherfucking postman all right the mic's getting switched out and cleansed what an exciting time we live in. The new normal. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. Welcome back winter with a Starbucks drink in hand. Whether you've been waiting for a pistachio latte and pistachio cream cold brew,

or are in the mood to shake things up with the new iced hazelnut oh shaken espresso need to cozy up with a tea latte there should be nothing stopping you from achieving all your goals you've got this pulled a name out of the bucket your first comedian getting up tonight this guy got up made his debut a few weeks ago ended up uh ended up having a dance competition at up, made his debut a few weeks ago. Ended up having a dance competition at one point during his set. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the return of Jason Rodello, everyone.

Here we go. Here he comes. Here he is. Jason Rodello, everybody. All right. All right. I said yes. I'll stay in bed, that is my style. And Donald Trump is running wild.

All you pedophiles Get the fuck out of my face This is the quarantine This is the quarantine No, I'm not gay. But I did just get a Disney Plus subscription. So I'm just feeling a little adventurous lately. Oh, speaking of gay,

David Lucas merch now available online. Yeah, supporting black-owned businesses, you know what I'm saying? Just make sure don't get the one that looks like overweight Shaquille O'Neal with burnt broccoli on his head. Whatever you do, stay away from that one. Thank you.

Wow. Jason Rodello. Yeah. And that song sounds exceptionally good from the band. That was a good one. Thank you. I've been practicing for generations with my family. How old are you again, Walter? 167. Thank you. I've been practicing for generations of my family. How old are you again,

Walter? 167. 167. Wow. What a young Native American you are. 100% European. Why do you say that? You're so clearly a Native American. I'm a white. Oh my goodness. Just trying to fit in, I guess. All right. So welcome, Jason Rodello. Good entertaining minute. Didn't know which direction things were going there. Neither did I. Then it went good. Thank you, man.

Appreciate it. Absolutely. Would that have been a little bit of a killer in a big room, you think? No, it was great. You used the space allotted to you. You brought a lot of energy. It was quite incredible. It's like you committed to the dance

number yeah this guy's a hell of a dancer man yeah this guy's this guy's a monster i mean i gotta book what i gotta book man if i gotta show the audience you never know who's gonna be in the audience gotta just show them all realms using all the tools in the box exactly have you ever done any musicals or just you just dance uh no musicals actually i did cirque de soleil that was my first like big break break of a dance job. I didn't sing, but we did a lot of- What'd you do in Cirque du Soleil? What show?

What Cirque show? Oh, this was in, it was one of the international ones in Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan, yeah. I talked about Kazakhstan on my first appearance here. Okay. Yeah, so that's a whole other story. What did you do in the show? Just danced. Oh, okay. appearance here okay yeah so that's a whole another story what did you do in the show just danced oh okay so we we were actually like backup dancers kind of like fillers for you know little transitional moments and our specialty was we had uh the hoverboards you know the ones that

you just kind of like yeah you know i don't have one right now but right just that whole thing yeah that's cool let's go i saw a kid going down the street on one of those the other day He's standing on the board letting it fucking take him down the street And I I looked at what is the left right the walking fucking too much for you to move your own body weight around the planet Or even a lazy shift with even a skateboard. It's like one of the four wheels. Yeah, no, it's not Skateboard I get but a hoverboard you just standing on it. It's not you just skateboard. A skateboard, I get, but a hoverboard, you're just standing on it. You're just letting it take them down the street. Like, how fucking lazy could you fucking be?

What do you think about these hoverboards, Walter? I saw a child floating on one of these, and I thought it was an ancient demon. Have you ever seen an ancient demon before? Yes, only in caves. What year was that? 1800. Oh, my goodness. You have a lot of life experience.

So, Jason, tell us more. What have you been doing since the last time we saw you? How long have you been on stand-up? This is my second time ever. Right. This is the second time you've ever done stand-up. Your debut was on Kill Tony. This is your second time ever. Right. This is the second time you've ever done stand-up. Your debut was on Kill Tony. This is your second time. Literally, I'm just debuting here. You've accumulated

two minutes. You have a girlfriend, right? Yes. How's life going? Very hot girlfriend, by the way. Ah, Red Band. Yes, man. I just wanted the Red Band seal of approval. That's it. As long as that's a girl. Everybody knows Red Band's got the best taste out of anybody. I know you do.

But, yeah, so me and my guts. What was that? What? Someone say it. You said taste. I said taste buds. Your initial gut instinct of not repeating it was correct. Carl Malone.

Look how pouty David Lucas looks on that shirt. It really is. It looks like that's what he looks on that shirt. It really is. That's what he looks like after he has to work out. I was looking forward to a couple shirt roasts. But you already roast David kind of every week, so it's just nothing new, I guess. It's true.

I can't do it this week, though, because he actually called in sick with a headache, which it looks like he also has a headache in that picture. He looks like if Thriller let himself go. Yeah. Really does. A lot of people don't know this, but if you turn David's head upside down in that, it turns into a drawing from Bob Ross. It's the bottom of a tree.

It's the bark of a tree. It's a Bob Ross painting Yeah Extra explanation So Jason what else has been going on with you? It's been a few weeks since we've seen you What else is happening? Getting life together Getting the mental together

I like to call it a creation vacation So just with content and just everything Literally just took a vacation. For the self. Creation vacation. You know. Yeah. I'm literally doing the opposite.

I'm taking a vacation vacation. Oh, yeah. It's lovely. Yeah. That's good. You're a young buck. You're out there making a name for yourself. Since you're dancing so much,

do you do a lot of TikToks? You seem like you'd be really good at TikTok. Well, that's the thing, man. I took a break from everything. So with TikTok, I know I can kill it on that app and i'm not trying to be cocky because i you know dancer right comedy the whole thing yeah but uh i haven't like took my full stab out of yet but i will though soon yeah and if you guys have a tiktok you know do some collaborations or whatever oh shit we do not no jimmy you should check out my tiktok yeah i fucked that i'm a fucking grown man i'm not on tiktok you're tiktok you know who goes and watches tiktoks fucking pedophiles that's who watches

fucking tiktoks you're a bunch of 14 year old girls fucking dancing around it's pedophile season one out to a fucking tissue of love. Watching these fucking cuties. I was so anti-TikTok. And I was like, this is how much I hate TikTok. I'm just going to put a TikTok out there. Like, just me opening a box. It got 3.1 million views. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Wait, really? Yeah. I mean, it really is. It's ridiculous. Like, I mean. It just goes to show how many Chinese people there are. That's what it is.

Well, that's what they say. China is spying on everybody using TikTok. And if that's the app they're using to spy on people, they must think we're a bunch of fucking morons over here. Because, dude, some of those TikToks are like, what the fuck? Everybody thinks they're a star on TikTok because they have so many views. But it's like nobody's an American watching that shit. Actually, question. Do you think

the TikTok standard is going to change the scene of comedy or what do you think? Because the new generation now... Absolutely 0% chance. Have you ever seen Vine stars do stand-up comedy? Yeah. Damn it, you got me there. You ever see YouTube stars do

stand-up comedy? Yeah Yeah I've seen them try Where'd you get those slacks man They're pretty fucking Oh these old things Yeah man I like them From Urban Outfitters Wow

Urban Outfitters nice Look at that I'm completely joking though Santy Alley They're like 10 bucks Yeah But they look You know if you rock it

Right enough You can see Yeah They look good man You got style dude Thanks man What else has been going on in life You have any nightmares lately if you rock it right enough you can see the urban outfitters you got style dude thanks man what else has been going on in life you have any nightmares lately i had a crazy nightmare the other day this

creepy doctor and all he kept saying his jaw was wired shut but he was vomiting through the through his teeth and he just kept saying i'm dr ku he wasn't as. It was an old white man. Sort of looked like Walter Figg and he kept saying, I'm Dr. Koo. I'm Dr. Koo. And just spray, spray. And the crazy thing was he followed me in like other dreams that night. Like I was like dreaming about something else and he came out and I'm Dr. Koo.

I woke up that morning and I googled Dr. Koo and obviously of course a bunch of Asian people started flying on my screen. Google morning and i googled dr ku and a bunch obviously of course a bunch of asian people just started flying on my screen google esther coon go ahead go ahead carl malone i just wonder if anybody out there is a dream uh expert please tell us what that meant yes tell us tell us what it means if a doctor with a jaw wired shut completely yet vomiting through his teeth means yeah that's interesting yeah it was a lot it was

so fucking it really it was one of those ones where like i mean i literally googled it when i fucking woke up that morning i'm like what the fuck doctor have you ever used a dream catcher before no i haven't but do you have you happen to have any since your wife dr ku will never visit you again if you hang a dream catcher above your bedpost. Thank you. I have a dream catcher. You do? Fuck yeah.

What's her name? What? What's her name? Angel. Oh, okay. Walter. Walter, relax. Straighten up that microphone for a second there. You're really...

If you're hearing this, Dr. Koo, you are not invited into Tony's dreams anymore. Thank you. Thank you, Chief Walter Fig. Jason, any nightmares lately? I never got an answer out of you. Nightmares? No.

I think I'm the type... I don't even remember any dreams, like ever. I think since I was the age of 10. I don't know what it is. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's a bad thing. Is that a bad thing? Yeah, you get to live your dreams out there. Yeah, I mean, I have daydreams. That's the thing, and that's the catch is that sometimes, usually I can control

my dreams and like this and that, but like fucking Dr. Cooke, it was scarier than like anything I've seen in a movie. The whole time I'm like, why is there a doctor in my dream? Why is his jaw wired shut and why the fuck is he vomiting? And you can Google that stuff too.

There's dream interpretations. All this stuff means something apparently. Frightening. Scary. You're going to have a dream of Dr. Coo holding Chucky's hand and walking... Dreams are one of the craziest things because nobody really is in that big of a hurry to figure out what the fuck

what the fuck they are. Like we still don't there is no like there's been no real breakthrough. Oh the acid Tony took a few weeks ago just kicked in right. I was just about to ask that yeah. What are dreams dude? Honestly probably means you just need to drink more water, honey.

Flying dreams. It's the simulation theory. Flying dreams are crazy. Dr. Ku could actually represent the coronavirus and the pandemic because it's completely out of your control. It showed up out of nowhere and you're wondering why are you here? Wow. You know what?

Walter Figg, Hamatha, and Carl Malone, thank you all for your wisdom. Merv the Mailman, do you have anything you want to say about Dr. Q? You don't have to use the mask, dude. If Joel has it, you're going to get it, Chris. Sorry, I was a little late on this one. What's up? Fell asleep back there.

Dozing off over there. I see you. Okay, Jason, so much fun. Congratulations. Your second time ever doing stand-up. Thanks, man. We had fun with you. There goes Jason Rodello.

Critiques? No, I'm joking. Jason! Thank you! Jason Rodello. Step back from that ledge, my friend. Please step back from that ledge, my friend. Please step back from that ledge. Switching out of the mics.

Getting a sterile mic. Sterile mic. I used to be in prison. Sterile mic switch. I used to be in prison with a man named Sterile Mike. Do you have dreams of the same place over and over? I have a hotel that I'm constantly dreaming about. It has the same elevator. It's a fucked up hotel.

It's flooded. That's a reoccurring dream you have? I guarantee you that means something. You should Google that. You say some people have dreams where their teeth are falling out. I have dreams where I'm being chased by a freaking axe murderer

and I get spaghetti legs my legs don't fucking work and I can't run like I have those kind of dreams I have had I have one that happens once every couple few months where I'll have a hair in my mouth and I'll pull the hair out but it'll be extra long and I keep pulling it and it turns out that it's tied to the thing

in the back of my throat and like I'll like yank it and you like feel that and it's like I know I start freaking out and then I wake up it freaks me the fuck out I have like great you know Wes Craven used to use his like nightmares for like to inspire

him and like things like that and the doctor come telling you Dr. Koo was scarier than anything I've seen in a movie I thought you were going to say you were pulling a hair out and as you pulled it out your head started to unwind like a sweater. No, it was coming from there. Like a doll. Like a t-shirt.

Okay. And you know, I'll also say this. Is that I've been on Chantix before. That medicine that's supposed to get you to quit smoking. Oh, yeah. And one of the things that they say in their ads even. They have to say it by law. which tells you a lot about it, is like they cause suicide-inducing dreams. It's not me, bro.

When I was on Chantix, I was having oral sex with this supermodel. And I woke up and I was like, you bastard! I couldn't get back into the dream. Oh, I had the opposite. I had the most frightening dreams ever. I had dreams where I was flying. And you know how you normally wake up when you land? Yeah.

I didn't. Instead, the camera zoomed out to me on the ground. And then it rolled me over. And I'm in a coffin. And I'm watching my family watching me in an open casket. And you're like, it's long form. Wow. It's not like, whoa whoa and then you wake up it was like it felt like it was like 45 minutes of me watching each

member of my family and the camera's like on the open side of the casket so like you see like me laying there and them just coming up and looking like so it was all long the shantix is the worst thing ever yeah if you're planning on quitting smoking just try anyway but do. The shantix is the worst thing ever. If you're planning on quitting smoking, just try anyway, but do not take shantix. Yeah, I had dreams of flying dreams, but I could only fly feet first. Like, I couldn't fly like Superman. I would fly feet first. I was like, I couldn't steer myself. What a nightmare compared to Tony's.

I couldn't steer myself. What a nightmare compared to Tony's. Wow. You have superpowers and you can only fly feet first. Meanwhile, Tony is dying and watching his death repeatedly and seeing a doctor. But the crazy part of that whole dream that I said isn't the flying and dying part. It isn't the landing part the watching your family mourn your death was like that's that's when like i'm like oh i have to absolutely stop taking this because that whole day after that you feel like you've already lived and died sort of in a weird way because you're

like oh that's what that's all that life is you you die, and that's it. And that's when I started realizing, oh, this shit's in my system. This is what those warnings and a couple people told me about. One time Jimmy had a nightmare where he was given a million dollar check and they could only give him bundles of thousands. That was a fucking nightmare

and nobody had changed for a thousand so I couldn't buy anything okay I pulled another name out of the bucket this is fun we're having fun here this evening I pulled another name out of the bucket this is another guy that made his debut on Kill Tony just a few weeks ago and he's back again

ladies and gentlemen it is the return he's here again. Ladies and gentlemen, it is The Return. He's here for his revenge. Had a rough first set on this show. Let's see what happens here tonight as I present to you The Return of Moja, everyone. Here we go. What's up, guys? What's up? What's up with everybody hitting on deadbeat dads?

Everybody's always like, fuck these deadbeat dads. Fuck these niggas. But nobody ever thinks about them kids. Maybe the problem is the kids. Have anybody ever said, maybe the kids ran out of the dads out of the house? Ever? I doubt it.

Maybe these little devils made the dad regret that he came in that bitch ever. Don't you hate when you go to fast food joint and first thing you see is a bunch of fat people in line? You're like, this shit's going to take forever. Damn, nigga. It's about to be, them niggas about to order the whole fucking menu right but at the same time if there's a bunch of fat people in line you know that shit's gonna be fly it's gonna taste bomb so i'm like you know what i'm chilling um so the thing about this mask everybody wears during coronavirus is if I can fart through my pants, through my boxers, and smell it through the mask, you think this crazy disease is not going to go through my fucking mask? That's my turn.

Thank you. There you go. Moja. Moja. I believe Dr. Anthony Fauci said the same exact thing about masks recently. Oh, I had no idea. No, he didn't. I'm just kidding. No, he didn't say that farts have anything to do with it.

Hi, Moha. What's up, guys? How are you? Remind people, where are you from originally? I'm Somalian. Somalian. I was raised in Sweden. Right, right. Thanks for having me back. Somalian. And your parents are both Somalian. I was raised in Sweden. Right, right. Thanks for having me back. Somalian.

And your parents are both Somalian, right? Yes. People think I'm Brazilian, Caribbean, because of my crazy look. But I'm 100% Somalian. What are your parents' names? My daddy's name is Aiden. And my mom's name is Hoken. Hoken?

Hoken. Hoken. Hoken? It's kind of difficult to say. What's it mean? It means nowhere else. Hey, for the rest of your day. Exactly.

Right. How did you wind up in Los Angeles? I went to school in Seattle. I hated the rain, so after college, I came down to L.A. It seems like one of those guys that would jump into the wheel part of an airplane. The wheel. Right, and come down. Yeah.

Come down that way. That's my uncle. Your uncle did that? No, he didn't. Stop it. Samoja. You ended up in Seattle. When did you come to Los Angeles?

About five years ago. Five years ago. What have you been doing in this city since you got here? What have you been doing for work and stuff? When I moved down here, I liked the party. I liked the weather. You liked the party? What kind of parties are we talking about?

Clubs. Clubs? How do you get into clubs? So what I did is I actually decided to work for the club so I can get in without paying. Guys always pay a lot of money, right, to get in the club? Right. Well, they also pay a lot of money to get in the club, but they don't start working there after they pay. I wanted a burger really bad, so I started working it in and out.

That was my idea. But you know what? It worked. I got hired. I worked there for three years, partied. Now I kind of regret that. I didn't start my comedy career a long time ago. Right.

So what's like your best night at a club? Tell us about that. Tell us the truth about that. I invited 25 girls. It was a good night for a promoter. Oh my goodness. I got all kinds of bottles and they were feeling me. They were feeling the boy, you know? Yeah. I ended up getting some sloppy toppy. Oh my goodness. Is that true? Yeah, a hundred percent. Wow. And I ended up going home with another girl. Wow. So that was the best night for sure. Oh my goodness. What bathroom did you get a blowjob in?

The men's room or the women's room? Since I worked there, I took her to a bathroom upstairs. Oh, a secret bathroom. That sounds like one of Jimmy's nightmares. Yeah. Yeah. That's Joel Berg right there

cranking one from deep. I love it, man. Is that your bathing suit? Are you rocking a bathing suit at the Comedy Store? What did you do today? This is my bathing suit. Today, all I do is watch basketball. Oh, you play basketball?

Yes. Do you have a basketball with you? I wish I did. You don't have one in your car? Even though, no. No. I'm pretty good at basketball. I would have loved to have seen, if you would have had a car or a basketball, I would have had you go get it.

You would be the first person to show us some basketball tricks in the history of Kill Tony. Damn it. He looks like an NBA 2K avatar. It's true. It's true. What club was it that you worked at? I worked in a lot of clubs. I worked at Playhouse, Super Club, Warwick.

He looks like a 2K creative player avatar if you set all the settings to zero instead of 100. Before the muscles and everything. Yeah, exactly. Strength, zero. Don't make me take off my shirt, Tony. What? Don't make me take off my shirt. No, let's see.

Let's take off your shirt. Now I want to see what you what you're threatening to uh to hide from us because you look malnutrition from the outside so oh wow all right yeah there's nothing there we have the exact same we have the exact same body moha i mean i do the same thing i pretend like there's a lot there but you're shaped exact that's exactly how i am. Wait, what are those things? Do you have nipples underneath your nipples? Are those tattoos?

No, I have four nipples. You do have four nipples, don't you? I do. How did you see that, Tony? Because I have 20-20 vision. Because you took your shirt off. I've never seen four nipples. I've seen three nipples, but I've never seen four. Yeah, I wish I never took off my shirt. Oh my goodness. Are those Lee Press four nipples. I've seen three nipples, but I've never seen four. I wish I never took off my shirt.

Oh, my goodness. Those Lee Presson nipples, those ones on the bottom? That's a hilarious character. He said he forgot. He said he wished he hadn't taken off his shirt. That character is funny. Guy who forgets he has four nipples. You've had four nipples your whole life, right?

Have they always been prominent? Yes, but I don't really consider them as nipples. Like an udder then, right? Yeah, they're just like black dogs. Yeah, utterly disgusting. Oh, my goodness. Is that a thing that runs in your family? No, and it's not nipples.

It's just a couple of weird things. No, those are nips, dude. You got nips, bro. They're underformed nips. They're like little, let's just start it. It could have been four nips, dude They're underformed nips They're like little It could have been four nips Because they're at the exact same place On each side perfectly

You should get them pierced That would be funny I should do that People will be like, what are those piercings? And you'll be like, look closely And still say, how did you know that I had four nipples? Yes. Even though they're pierced.

Yes. That's incredible. Look at you. It's like constantly having a threesome, having four nipples on your chest. Yeah, it's not the best part of my body. If you look... Well, all right. Just be one other human.

Yeah, exactly. I really fucked that one up. Have you ever had a girl suck on any of the bottom nipples? Unfortunately, yes. Really? What does it feel like? I didn't like it.

You didn't? I'm very insecure about them. And this girl was like, can I suck on your bottom nipple? I was like, bitch, no. What the fuck are you? I didn't like it. I'm very insecure about them. And this girl was like, can I suck on your bottom nipple? I was like, bitch, no. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, you haven't had Hamlet try it. Yeah, if you like to try Hamlet. I mean, twice the nipples, twice the fun. That's right.

You're beautiful, baby. Twice the trips. My goodness gracious. Have you ever... Has anything ever come out of them like oat milk or anything like that or no they're not nipples oh you can you're in denial dude denial is not just a river in somalia if you if you're saying they're not nipples what do you what are you saying they are just like moles i would say moles or. But they're on the exact same spot, perfectly

exactly on the same side. But they're not like nipples. If you look at them, they don't have... Oh, no, no. But when people have a third nipple, it's not like it has a little nipple part to it. It's like when people are born with an unformed twin. You know, I'm gonna send you to see Dr. Ku

and he's going to... We're all going to have nightmares about that. I'm telling you, if you see this fucking guy... Tony, when you play golf, you're never going to yell four the same anymore. No, I'm going to yell, nipples! I mean four! Seats!

Moha, has anybody ever... Has it been an embarrassing moment? Did you ever have... Were you bullied as a kid? You ever get titty twisters in high school? Yeah. No, people usually don't notice them. Right.

Usually girls, but they don't. Oh, well, yeah. Well, this is my, you know. You have to realize that I'm like a predator, but I like scan people for their insecurities, and immediately when you took your shirt off, I'm like a predator, but I scan people for their insecurities, and immediately when you took your shirt off, I'm like... Four nipples, four nipples, four nipples. Takes you ten minutes to give this guy a purple nurple.

I love it, man. The color nurple. I wish I never took off my shirt. I took them off because I thought I was going to go up on the players, making the 2K. I thought I was going to go up on the players making the 2K. I thought I was going to go up to 2. You know you could put your shirt back on. Yeah, you could put it on now.

Only Tony wants you to keep it off. You could put it on now. Why do you have your bathing suit on? Just because. This is not my bathing suit. This is my swag, bro. That's a bathing suit. My swag.

That's a bathing suit. Actually, I dig those shorts, man. I like the shorts. I like the shorts, bro. The shorts are great. Yeah. So far, we've had two guys that had good slacks. It's true.

Mice also have four nipples. A little fun fact for you. Moha, have you ever been diagnosed with any diseases of any kind? No. I've been lucky. Yeah. No STDs or anything like that? Nope.

Always strap up. Always have a condom on me. Really? Let's see it. He gets a bitch one. Oh, my goodness. Look at that. That, always strap up. Always have a condom on me. Really? Let's see it. He gets a bitch one. Oh, my goodness. Look at that. That's my brand. Wow, the crowd goes wild here.

Hey, advice. This is a crowd that shockingly is pro-safe sex. Dude, that's confidence, bro. Says one right in his front pocket. Yeah, because, you know, I'm always ready for that, you know, to give the bitch balls deep action, you know what I mean? Oh, my goodness. Yeah, when he doesn't know about love, he can fit in a restraining order.

Seriously. My goodness gracious. Stay ready. Is that a common turn of phrase where you're from? Give the bitch balls deep action? No, just this me, bro. I'm different. I love it, dude.

A magnum condom. Looks like it. What's the expiration date on that thing? Check it right now. I just got it last night. bro. I'm different. I love it, dude. A Magnum condom. Looks like it. What's the expiration date on that thing? Check it right now. I just got it last night. 4-4-04. I keep running out of condoms, man. I love that he only has one.

You know, he just pull them out like a whole roll full of them. I'm getting lucky tonight, bro. Yeah, it's true. I mean, if you have one, you might as well carry two, right? Yeah. Jimmy, you know what's funny? One time I did fuck a bitch and then I had one. And then 30 minutes later, I met a bitch at the casino and she was trying to get the balls deep.

And I was like, oh, I have no more condoms. Ah. Come with me to the room. I'll give me some condoms. Sometimes it's good to have two. Yeah. Wear them like Mexican gun belts across your chest when you walk into a place. Absolutely.

We don't need the stinking badges. Fucking Rambone over here. That's right. Yeah. Wear them like Mexican gun belts across your chest when you walk into a place. Absolutely. We don't need no stinking badges. Fucking Rambone over here. That's right. Any advice on my comedy? Was it funny? Did I do better this time? Oh, your comedy. Sure.

What did we talk about? Deadbeat dads. Keep the condom in your pocket. Kids. Yeah. Maybe the kids ran them out. Not going to lie. The nipples may have outshined your act.

out you know not gonna lie the nipples may have outshined your act now it's uh you know you you sound like a guy that's just getting started in stand-up comedy this is it you need to have third time ever yeah you know this is what it sounds like this is what it's like right now you're you're uh dealing with broad topics and you're not getting into real meat and potatoes instead of saying, you know, maybe the kids ran the dads out more specific things as to what exactly you're trying to, what point you're getting across. I mean, you have an angle there, you know, deadbeat dads, maybe the kids ran them out, but something specific on what, when do they decide to leave why did that kid uh how could that kid be a disappointment so early on what was the dad hoping for you have to ask yourself these questions when you're covering a topic like that in order to get to a real punch line you know your punch line there is maybe the kids ran the dads out but it's like that's just really your

true setup you know what i mean gotcha yeah i know what you're saying like that would be like a like you know colin kaepernick was such a disappointment even his original birth parents didn't want him something like that you know i see where you were going with it i see where you i see where you were going with it carl malone i was gonna say he could say his dad left because he had four nipples. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Put it on yourself. Like I had four nipples. That's why my dad left. I gotta go deeper when I'm writing

my jokes. Balls deep. Yep. Balls deep, dude. And we'll see you next time. The great Moha, everybody. There you go. Thank you for having me, guys. Moha. Adios. Yeah. thank you for having me guys moja adios yeah

it's always funny when somebody's like hey aren't you gonna talk about my comedy and I'm like well do you really want me to do that well I mean it's hard to do when it's like your second or third time if you keep on doing it three years from now you're gonna be like if you listen to your set three years from now you're going to be like if you listen to

your set three years from now you're going to be like that is the worst shit i've ever heard you can ever fathom i mean i had a good set my first ever set ever and uh then a lot of them after that were absolute dog shit and that joke it's funny i should have said this when he was up uh asking me about that but like the joke reminded me of a joke that I had early on that was fucking dog shit. And I was like, I was basically talking about, you know, a lot of people talk about how much the traffic sucks around here. You know who I hate are the pedestrians, the pedestrians. Like it was like so it was like it was like horrible Seinfeld. I'm like, who are these pedestrians?

Get a fucking car you dorks these people don't know when to they they need they they need lights to tell them when to walk and like it was so bad there's nothing funny about it and even i don't know but the point is it's like no matter what everybody has dog shit jokes in the beginning. Yep. Because if I, let's face it, if I had dog shit jokes, anybody can. And it's hard to listen to yourself. You know, those old jokes. Yeah. Speaking of good jokes, David Lucas couldn't make it here tonight.

He's out with a headache. However, I have found a replacement for him. One of my favorite human beings on the planet. Another guy that went golfing with us the other day. Ladies and gentlemen, comedy store door guy, great comedian, a comedy vet out of beautiful Georgia,

a state in the United States of America. I present to you the great Mitch Burrow, everybody. He's back. Mitch! Great Mitch Burrow, everybody. He's back. Great Mitch Burrow, everyone. All right. It sucks having a southern accent. The thing that sucks most about it is everyone hears it,

and they just automatically assume that you're racist. And I hate that. Because me personally, I hate racism. I hate racist people. I hate anyone that uses ethnic slurs against minorities. I think those people are ignorant and I don't want to be associated with them. And see, like right now, you should all be clapping and agreeing with me. But instead, because of my accent, all you heard is I hate minorities and something about those

people. I used to be in the Marine Corps. I went to Iraq. I don't know, did anyone else here ever go to war? Just me? I'm the only hero? Okay, no big deal. The thing about going over there is like, that's not the hard part. Coming back is what's hard, because everyone treats you different. I remember as soon as I got back from Iraq, everyone was always like, oh my god, Mitch, when you were over there, did you ever shoot anybody? I was like, no, relax, I was a helicopter mechanic. They were like, oh, thank God you never killed anyone. I was like, Jesus Christ, I never said I was a good helicopter mechanic.

Wow. That's how it's done. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful. Great for you to come in. Real jokes. Real fucking stand-up comedy right there. Thank you for your service, by the way. Absolutely.

It was the least I could do because I had a GED. Very well written. I had a lot of options. Very well executed. That's exactly how you do it. That's how it's done. Thank you. Yeah,encer suck my dick yeah fucking spencer with his jugs of piss the thing that gets me about that he says his excuse was there were lesbians having sex on the couch if i mean that would be like me going oh shit i think i gotta go

take a piss real quick right You know, just like anyway. Lesbians having sex on the couch is also another one of Jimmy's nightmares. Another one of my nightmares, bro. I've led a very sheltered life. So, Mitch, what else has been going on in life since the last time we had you on the show? Mitch, honestly, how long did it take you to recover from that round of golf the other day after we walked 18? It didn't bother me at all, man.

I'm at my peak physical condition. I actually know for a fact that you're lying about that. You leaked to somebody the next day. I can't remember who or how I found this out. But somebody's like, yeah, no, Mitch couldn't make it. He has sore legs. I'm like, oh, yeah, we played eight years in a row. So, all right, here's the thing.

I need to get some of those sleeve underwear things that you guys talk about. Sheath. Sheath underwear. And you're goddamn right you do. It's unbelievable. It wasn't necessarily, like, exhausting, but my thighs were just, like, arguing with each other the whole time. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so that was tough. And then I didn't have Tony giving me fucking performance-enhancing drugs on the course. Liquid IV. Liquid IV, man. Actually, I'll even leak this information. The guy that was playing alongside Mitch in that group was Jetski Johnson's boyfriend. And he actually has sheath underwear. Wow. Jetski Johnson's boyfriend. And he actually has he has sheath underwear.

Wow. Jetski's boyfriend, not him. Right, right. Totally different person. I do want to say something about that. So we were all going together, but so he and I played as a twosome behind the rest of y'all, which was great, but at some point in time, he was ranked third in state when he

was in high school, so I was playing with someone who was like a professional golfer almost. Yeah, it was crazy. And then I'm fucking 300 pounds and out of breath by the third hole. It didn't make me feel good. Right. That's Canada. It doesn't count. It actually was New Mexico.

Never mind. What did you say, Carl Malone? Her boyfriend, Jetski's boyfriend is Canadian. So I was saying to take that shit back over there. Yeah. Can you win a state championship in Canada? Or is that like a territory championship? He was in New Mexico.

Oh. From Canada. How did you shoot? What was your score out there? I don't remember. You didn't keep score. It was one of those days when I do really good, I can tell you immediately. But I probably quit keeping score in the 10th hole.

Yeah, that was brutal, man. I'm just like, we finished. You didn't. It was a 109. I remember very clearly. Okay, well, you didn't have to tell people. We can have secrets, man. You know?

I love it. Mitch, how long have you been doing stand-up again? You're a comedy vet. You've only been in L.A. a short while. 13 years. I've been in L. five yeah and uh been at the comedy store for you know a year and a half but the last five months don't count right i love it and you've come on fast everybody's fallen in love with you you're friends with everybody here yeah i'm a 15 year overnight success yeah it's coming on

hey that's real fast man that's what it's all about, man. The thing I got going on now, Jet Ski and I were doing a podcast together. It streams live on the Comedy Store YouTube. So that's fun. I jumped on it. We had fun the other day on there. Yeah. And, you know, that's it. It's a weird time.

You had a video on TikTok trying to do that. There's just no live entertainment anymore. Yeah, you're a weird time. You had a video on TikTok trying to do that. There's just no live entertainment anymore. Yeah, you're a TikTok star. You do hillbilly psychic readings, right? Is that what it is? Oh, redneck psychic. Redneck horoscopes. Oh, right.

Yeah. Can you give us an example of what that's like? Nope. Here's the thing. It's all fake. The only reason I ever got into horoscopes is because if I was at a bar and I was talking to a girl, I'd be like, hey, what's your sign? And it doesn't matter what her sign was. She said stop.

Stop. Boom. Boom. So I'm a Leo. Regardless of what their sign is, it would always say that we would have good sex oh my so i'd be like oh let's check up our compatibility real quick and i'd be like oh well our relationship's out of the question but if we fuck oh my it's gonna be good because nothing about me says good fucking but my horoscope does the The idea of you pulling out the horoscope move, though,

while meeting a girl, it's so weird to me. Hey, what's your horoscope? Hey, girl, what's your sign? It says we can't be in a relationship, but we could have unprotected sex tonight. Yeah, that's my style. Hey, girl, what's your sign? I'm an Aries with a penis rising.

Come on. Who wants some of it? Come on. Check your cock. Who wants it. Come on. Who wants some of it? Come on. Check the cock. Who wants it? Come on. I love it, Mitch. That's great.

That work for you a lot? The horoscope? That's charming. You make them laugh. No, it never worked. It never worked? What is something that's worked for you in the past?

Like a pickup line or something like that? Because you're a charming fella. Just pushing them down in the bushes. How do you go about it? Is that too much? Nothing.

I don't know. I guess just getting to know me. It's never just like, oh, let's fuck this guy. It's normally like weeks of just wearing them down, and then they're finally like, there's something here. How many times are you going to tell me you're in the Marine Corps? I get it. Because the interesting thing about you is you carry your weight really well,

if that makes sense. Have you always been a bigger guy? I might fuck Tony after this show tonight. Have you always been like a big guy? Because Red Band's a big guy, but he looks like he's new big, right? You're not old big. You haven't always been big. I switch back and forth all the time.

You look like a guy that just carried too many bags from the grocery store. You're like, fuck, I might have to sit a couple of these down. I guess the Marine Corps gave me a base to go underneath it that doesn't make it look too slovenly.

You got a condom in your pocket, bro? I don't wear condoms. I'm just saying that you don't even wobble or anything when you walk. I'm not a fucking loser. Okay, forget it. Forget it.

Oh, hey, by the way. My compliment to you has turned into an insult. No, I appreciate it. I get what you're saying. But I do want to say one thing. The last time I was on this show and I was talking about reading the comments, and I was like, actually, they're nice to me. I might even go on there and someone would be like, you know what?

That guy Mitch, he ain't that fat after all. There was a whole bunch of comments where they were just going, hey, that guy Mitch, he ain't that fat after all. There was a whole bunch of comments where they were just going, hey, that guy Mitch, he ain't as fat as they say he is. So, shout out to the fans. I love y'all. There you go. They know what's up. So, just a little review. So, your approach is, you might

not like me now, but you're getting tired. Both of our endurance is not going to be able to handle this. Hell yeah, man. Have you been in a helicopter since being in the marines no I don't think so no I have not been in a helicopter a lot of airplanes

what kind of helicopters did you work on it was the CH-46 when I was in the marine corps that looks like a penis with two... Yeah, I flew in one of those. And then when I got out... Yeah, it's the Alpha Class Chinook A-47. So the Chinook is the 47. That's the Army version.

It's a little bit bigger than the 46, which is what I worked on in the Marine Corps. We had an Apache Escort. Oh, really? An Apache for every hour it's in the air

requires 12 hours of maintenance, but you probably already know that. I had a Cherokee escort. Did somebody say Apache? Yeah, that's you. You're an Apache. There we go. I had a Spanish escort, a Thai escort.

I got a bunch of escorts when I was in the military. Which one cost the most? Yeah, but you did. They were all about $25, $30 each. Yeah, that's a good price. Good conversion right over there. US dollars? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's good price. Good conversion right over there. US dollars? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's like 600 baht when you're in Thailand. I hope you borrowed a condom off of Mohawk before you went in there. No, they were professionals. Okay. You don't pay to get a disease. That'd be crazy. I mean, a Thai hooker, I mean, they eat raw dogs.

Okay. Thai hooker jokes, people. All right. This was so much fun, dude. I mean, especially, you know, William has his own very, you know, silly style. Jason Rodello, his second time ever on stage. Moha's third time ever on stage. And for you to come in and really show everybody in this room

how it's done you know you sat on those beats on the first one and then it all paid off in the end and then boom boom boom with the second and uh it's just great man pure stand-up comedy not easy to do in a gigantic high ceiling room with 12 people spread around that seats 500 and you did it 13 years guys you could be here doing this good as well 13 years hell yeah thanks everybody there he goes mitch burrow i mean he makes that joke about 13 years you could be here, but there's like, you know, I don't know. I'd say fucking 90% of the people that do it 13 years.

I think that's funny. How about one more hand for Mitch, guys? Yeah, one more hand for Mitch. And how about a hand for the microphone guy, switching them out with safety protocols, wiping them down. Now, this guy was actually on just a week ago and he's got another minute and we're gonna get an update from his wild story that we found out about

last week ladies and gentlemen this is the return of ryan joseph here we go here he comes yeah Yeah! So I applied for this apartment online, and I got rejected because of bad credit, so I got to drive over there just to show them that I'm white. Uh... I got a lot of problems at retirement homes. A lot of STDs going around. I used to volunteer at a retirement home.

You wouldn't believe how many STDs these 95-year-olds have, and they don't warn you. I think it's pretty sexist to say that a man and a woman can't have a platonic relationship. I have so many female friends that are fat. Yeah, I don't get women. It's like, if you don't want to have sex with me, why'd you get my Uber? My dad's got PTSD from his time in Vietnam. Apparently he burned down this village full of women and children.

It was like the craziest vacation ever. Wow. Wow. We are playing with fire right now. Pure momentum. Unbelievable set by Ryan Joseph. One of my favorites recently. It's incredible.

He's killed every time he's been on this show, and this time he's especially wild because it's been two weeks in a row. Those are great fucking jokes, sir. Hey, that means a lot. I'm a big fan. Absolutely. Your delivery, even your look. I noticed today that you have this sort of like Jim Brewer.

You have like a comedian face. I really do. It's good. It's a good thing. It's a compliment. It's a good thing. Yeah, it's a good thing. Now, yeah, I can't give you enough props.

Every single joke, fucking great. I loved every single bit of it. Dude, that means a lot. I have no tips, no advice, no fucking nothing. So let's get to the nitty gritty. Remind everybody what we found out about your relationship that ended one week ago today, correct? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. So tell us about that.

Yeah. It's like I'm like, why did I come here and talk about it? It's just I know I have to talk about it. Basically, this girl I've been dating for like four months during quarantine. She's been like accusing me of talking to women that I've previously been talking to before we went exclusive. And I was like, I would have deleted these girls' numbers if you would have deleted that other guy's number you were seeing. She's like, I'll delete his number right now. And I was like, what about Instagram?

She's like, no, I can't do do that so i knew something was up right i think that's where we left off right exactly and and it was interesting and we had a long talk about uh about that yeah now it's been one week one fucking hell of a week and what happened this week tell us about dude i feel like i'm dying anyways um what is it about like like vaginas that do this to you it's your heart it's not your it's not the vagina it's not your penis it is your heart so you're you're a good man and last week you were so confident like no i don't fuck her it's over i went right over there dude i. I think it's also... Did you really? Yeah, she's in my apartment right now. Oh, hell yeah. All right, so here's... No, first arrest is...

She's over there at your apartment right now while you're here with the guy she knew from Instagram. No, no. All right, check it out. So I knew something was up, right? So I got really devious. I'm not proud of my behavior. Apparently, this guy's like a

copywriter or some shit he's up in like washington state in a cabin she said he doesn't live here in california so i was like i'm gonna message this motherfucker and i was like hey man what's up man my name's ryan um i read i'm looking to write a book are you a copywriter he's like yeah hey how's it going oh my god this is amazing this is unbelievable yeah for those of you listening at this moment and you're like holy shit this sounds unbelievable i'm telling you your beliefs are confirmed this is awesome yeah go ahead ryan then i was like yeah you know i'm gonna write a book i mean are you in california he's like well i live there but i'm in washington right now i'll be back He's like, well, I live there, but I'm in Washington right now.

I'll be back. I was like, cool. So I see you're like mutual friends with so-and-so. Oh, shit. When's the last time you talked to her? Because she had swore she'd never talked to her. We went exclusive in June, and she swore she would never talk to him. So anyways, he's like, oh, we talk all the time.

I saw her like three weeks ago oh shit it dude fucking like sank my heart and i was like cool and i i took a screenshot right like now the rage is coming out the evil the darkness oh yeah yeah and um i took a screenshot and i sent it to her and i was like it's over bitch and dude like the insanity that just went in right so then it starts kicking up right and then he I guess she messaged him right away being like that's Ryan that's Ryan and he goes like dude you're being a psycho control freak which is kind of true but whatever it's their fault and I was like I was like dude are you fucking my girlfriend and he was like keep fucking around no actually i was nice in a way because i was like dude man to man like what's going on just tell me you know fuck it right i'm not gonna like

you know it's over or whatever and he goes keep fucking around and he sent me a picture of a knife and he's like and i'll show you oh my goodness yeah dexter i know right so uh yeah i know dude she's like fucking a retarded dexter yeah it is a retarded dexter to send the person a picture that you can take a picture of and send to the police well that's what i said to him i was like dude the and i knew how to use the word so I wouldn't get threatened. I was like, oh, the cops will love that picture, man. And besides, don't ever bring a knife to a gunfight. So I left it vague whether or not who had the gun, right? But like, I want to kill this motherfucker still.

Anyways, I'm sorry if I heard someone go, oh. It's okay. whether or not who had the gun right but like i want to kill this motherfucker still anyways um i'm sorry if i i heard someone go oh it's okay you don't know that pain he's been murdered before the girl you know we're going out with a girl for four months but dude it's like i know i know i get it bro it's like get it it's like pandemic two months yeah it's pandemic pussy bro it's like uh i guess because i felt like it was the only good thing that was going on right now. Yeah. Right. Everything's gone, dude.

Of course. Yeah. It's a global pandemic. You've been fucking a girl for the four months of the pandemic. Yeah. It's the only thing that you're used to. It's what you lean on. Let me ask you this million dollar question.

I think I know the answer. You said never bring a knife to a gunfight. Do you own a gun? Dude, when Melrose was on fire, I was like, these conservatives are right, dude. Everything they said. And I went and bought a gun. I love it. And it's fucking awesome to have one. What kind of guns did you get? I know. Fun fact, that night, I went and bought another gun. Dude, it's like the best thing in the world. You know that you could just end someone. Now I just sit around.

Remember Bud? I mean, protect yourself. Red flag, red flag, red flag. Protect yourself. In a way, I hope they do fucking defund the police because I'm going to go to fucking Washington State. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. By the way.

I never believed it. By the way, did he know that- I'm joking, I'm joking. I would never do that. We know you're joking, but let me ask you this. Do you think he knew that you existed? did she ever tell him that she was dating another guy it gets it gets right so she starts freaking out blowing on my phone and everything and i'm of course like it's fucking over but like i'm like addicted or something like to well i just

went over there to talk to her because she's blown on my phone. And basically she just said, you know, I ran into him at a laundromat three weeks ago. Damn, this bitch is a liar. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What are the odds? We were just fucking and now we're at the laundromat together. Copywriter. Well, Walter, Walter, he was helping her fold her panties, bro.

Yeah. Walter, you literally have like 30 times the life experience than all of us up here combined. Have you ever had anything like this happen to you before? Do you have any life advice for this young man? Well, years ago, my ex-wife faked her own death to escape my marriage. So I can't relate to the quote, bitches be crazy. Yeah. I didn't believe her, of course. Yeah. I didn't believe her.

Of course, right? I didn't believe her. So I, dude, I feel like guilty saying this because like. Hold on. I have another question for Walter Figg. How did you find out that she faked her death? In the newspaper, she said it was announced that she was marrying my best friend. Oh, my God.

And it was the morning paper that I was delivering. Oh, my God. And it was the morning paper that I was delivering. Oh, my God. What year was this? 1942. Oh, my God. And that's how he found out. That's in the year world. Marguerite, how could you do this to me?

Is she still alive? Yes, unfortunately. Wow. She was 10 when I met her. Oh, you brought her back to life life and you're not a Native American? It was a different time. Oh my goodness. He's about to fake her murder.

Okay, Ryan, tell us more. Of course, I didn't believe that shit, right? Right. We just ran into her at the laundry. Of course. I grilled her, right? And not in the good way. I grilled her.

You grilled her like william grilled yes so basically like like in june we decided to like be exclusive right and she told me like outright she didn't even have to tell me that she's like there's another guy i've been seeing but i'm not gonna see him anymore and i was like cool when we got back apparently she hooked up with him and then you looked at her and said why can't i be your priority yeah when you when you got back she went hooked up with him we went to we went to arizona right and then we got back she hooked up with him do you remember what you were doing or what she said she was gonna do when she went and hooked up with this guy she's like i gotta go do some

i'm sure it was some lie or something right You don't remember specifically? No, I don't remember. It's all good. But anyways, so she starts showing me the text. And she did send him a text being like, yo, I can't meet up anymore. She showed you the edited, you can delete text and then show people text. Like she deleted like that dick was so great last night, like those ones. You saw the proofread. Yeah. Plus, he's a copywriter.

I mean, he probably grazed over it too. Is there like little registered trademarks over some of them? This is a bad idea. No, you're good. You're good. You're good. We're just punching up the compelling series.

You threatened to kill a man and now you're saying that this is the part that's the bad idea. I did it in like a subtle way. But I'm joking if anyone's watching. It sounds like one of my nightmares, bro. I know. It's a shit show, and I'm embarrassed of my behavior, dude.

You live with my nightmare, bro. Dude, I feel so... Keep going, Ryan. So basically, the story is that was it. And she did send a text to him saying, you know, like, you know, this is, hey, I can't be your friend. Because she said she didn't want to stop talking to him because she didn't want to be controlled. Right. Even though, dude, I had no problem with her, like, being friends with her fucking ex-boyfriend or anything like that.

I didn't care. Right. But so I made, I was like was like all right you want to be together I was like send him a message proving that all your shit's true by saying you know I don't so she sent a message and she showed it was like hey my relationship with Ryan's more important than our friendship and this is why like when we ran into each other at the laundromat and we couldn't like you know do anything or i haven't done anything with you in a couple months you know blah blah blah and he goes that guy's a big red flag

so it means like i mean he wouldn't say that he'll be like oh and i fucked you yesterday like so i believe her you know yeah i don't still red flag though i don't believe it don't let her go to the laundromat anymore no that's why you. That's why you need to get a unit with a washer dryer inside of it. She's the only girl that goes to the laundromat and takes another guy's load. Oh! Oh! Ah! Remember what it used to sound like when there was 500 people in here and I'd make a joke like that?

Why am I doing this? You just need to let her borrow your iPad so she can sign into her cloud services on there. When she's sleeping, take the iPad in the other room and see what she's been up to. Wow. She's all for that. I don't want to be like that. You're like the evil Dr. Phil, bro.

You're giving the game... But anyways, I said it's over and she's just been blown up. Dr. Phil, F-I-L-L. Dr. Phil. That was Chroma Chris, so he doesn't kill me later. Also, this whole time I've been... You're back with her now.

She's at your place right now. She's been blown up on my phone begging to give her another chance. All my friends know about it and they think I'm like a little bitch, which I am. What are your friends saying? Get back with her or stay away? I know how it goes.

Once a cheater, always a cheater type shit. Absolutely. I know. Did you say once an eater, always an eater? Yeah, bro, you don't got to get emotionally involved. You can just put her on the business end of your flesh musket and not become emotionally attached to it. Basically, what I told her was like. That's the gun that he got. He got a flesh musket. Maybe you and not become emotionally attached to it basically what I told her was like that's the

gun that he got he got a flesh musket maybe you just beat her about the head and shoulder area with the snotty end of your fuck stick two three times I told her because like there's a part of me that believes what she said but most of me most of myself doesn't so what I said was like

okay fine we can like I'm just gonna wait and see until like you lie again I don't know what'll happen it doesn't so what i said was like okay fine we can like um i'm just gonna wait and see until like you lie again i don't know what'll happen let me ask you this let me ask you this why do you don't you think now might be the time are you aren't you the are you the kind of guy that could just turn this into a strictly sexual relationship because this might be the type of girl that you i've never been into that i've never been into like a casual sport fucking no it's not my thing it's not how old are you now 31 32 36 36 and you've been dating for four months yeah i know i'm dating i mean dude everything's this quarantine is fucked up okay like i'm insane now like everything's just fucked it just seems

pretty toxic for four months though i know yeah you're starting off toxic my advice would be this would be to even though you've never been that kind of guy to be in a strictly sexual relationship now might be the time to be like you know what i'm gonna disengage my heart but i'm gonna get you want to get on the right side of history because if she's just good in bed and that's what you like about her then you could end up being on the other side of that. You could be the guy that she goes to when she's in a fake relationship with someone else. Yeah, there's a certain power in not being fucking emotionally involved. Well, like, it's just naturally gone.

Like, when we're together, like, I'm changed. I don't know what's going to happen. Before you met her, were you beating off, like, fucking Megs from Silence of the Lambs? What were you doing? No, dude. I get around. You get what? You get around?

I was seeing other girls and stuff like that. Well, there you go. Put her on your list of girls that you see. Maybe call one of them up and bang one of them out. I don't know what to do. Bro, here's what you do. I don't care anymore. You're fucking tired of the bed.

You bring another girl over and you make her watch you fuck the other girl. And that'll fix you. Welcome to Jimmy's new haunted house. You can read about it in my new book. I'm fine, what the fuck's the matter with you? I did some more evil shit. I did some more evil shit. I went on Tinder, right?

Yeah. And I fucking took a picture, like a screenshot, and I circled the number of all the matches i got sent it to her then i found like the hot like you know a girl that was really hot match sent it to her and i was like fuck you like it's just gone back and forth i'm insane i know i'm a little bitch i'm doing everything wrong i don't even care anymore this is all interesting let me tell you something you have permission to come back anytime you want to do another minute and another update to this story because it's so compelling. This Ryan Joseph love story and your minutes are so

absolutely great that you have an open door policy here on Kill Tony. You seem like a real catch. A lot of girls out there would be interested. So, you know, girls they come, they go. But here at Kill Tony we're waiting for you to come. Tony, that means a lot right now.

Indeed. We're here for you. They have a GPS tracker on Amazon. It's $40. It costs $12 a month. It has a magnet on it. You put it on the car. It lasts two weeks per charge.

Slap it on her fucking hatchback, bro. Just fucking track her car. I'm just watching. I'm just watching. I'm just going to see what happens. Yeah. I love it. It all sounds emotionally healthy. Good for you. Yeah. I'm just going to see what happens. Yeah. I love it. It all sounds emotionally healthy.

Good for you. Yeah. Well, just keep us posted. Yes. Thanks, guys. You're part of the family here. Ryan Joseph, everybody. Ryan Joseph.

There he goes. Hey. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, how exciting. This guy, an absolute legend around the L.A. comedy scene. He is a legend of Rose Battle. He was on Kill Tony a few weeks ago, and because of his interview portion of the show,

we ended up getting featured on an amazing, amazing site called Fools Gone Wild. This is truly one of the top young rising Mexican-American comedians of the world. I present to you the return of Los Digits. Digits. What's up, fools? L.A. is a beautiful place to live in, man. You guys got crackheads.

You got the homeless people. You even got magical prostitutes out here, man. Which is kind of fucking crazy, man, because magical prostitutes make the world go round on your dick. Yeah, man. Fuck. Thank you, Mike. Hey, yo, fucking, yeah, man. L.A. is a pretty good place to be at, man, if you have no money, man.

If you ever want to go to Disneyland and have no money, just take some fucking acid and get your ass to Skid Row. You'll see all the Disney characters out there, man. You'll see Goofy, you know, a guy with heroin feet. You'll see a little Mickey Mouse Salvadorian dude asking for money, you know. Dinero, ha-ha. It's pretty fucking crazy out there, man. When I first moved to LA, I didn't have no money, man, and I was walking through Skid Row on Acid, and some guy invited me into

his tent. He's like, come in, nephew. Come on in. I took a little peek inside of the flaps, man, and I seen what the fuck was a crackless Narnia in there, man. I seen a half man, half crackhead in there. That shit was a magical place on earth, on meth. Low digits, everybody. I like that. Working out a long bit about Skid Row on meth. Homeless, magical crackheads and prostitutes.

Hell yeah, dude. I love them. There's a lot to it. Fuck yeah. Welcome back, Los Digits. Thank you for having me, man. Badass motherfucker. So fun.

And that guy delivers mail to my neighbor, dude. Walter does? Yeah, you need to stop going there, dude. Is that true, Walter? I need to stop what? You need to stop going there. You need to stop living here. Oh, my goodness, Walter.

Is that because he's Mexican? Yes. You don't like Mexican people, Walter? Not like him. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I'm building a tunnel to get back, Doug. What neighborhood is that in? Where do you deliver mail?

Los Angeles. Yeah. Wow, that's a big county. Skid Row, man. Skid Row. You been there? Downtown Los Angeles. Oh, very good.

Wow. Walter, you really know your way around. Yeah, I do everything on foot. You do? Yeah. You know, Walter has a piece of mail from the EDD. What's the EDD? Unemployment.

Oh my goodness. Is that for me? Yes, it is. And guess what? I didn't deliver it, you bitch. It's alright, fool. Your benefits have been expired, puto. Oh my goodness.

This might be one of my favorite rivalries ever. Low-stitches. You're a mailman from West Hollywood, fool, so you ain't that much of a mail fool. Hopefully I understand that joke in another two days from now. Oh, my goodness. All right, Walter. Relax, Walter.

Walter, are you offended by the words of Los Digits? Hey, pretend my nuts are stamps and lick them, you bitch. You can't be offended by Walter. He's just a character, Digits. Don't worry about him. So, Digits, let's catch up about life. I mean, I follow you on

Instagram. You're one of my favorite people to follow closely. You're in my algorithm. I don't miss a video of yours. If you post something, it pops up immediately. So what's been going on in life? Catch us up the last couple of weeks since we saw you last. Well, I've been doing a lot of the roast battles here in the belly room now. Yep.

And I've been doing a lot of roast battles like england uh fucking australia tokyo heck yeah just trying to get my fucking uh i don't know just trying to get my shit up you know trying to get my views up just doing what you do but other than that man just shit working and uh yeah where you've been working i've been working a lot of places dog but one of them is a pizza place tell us about it uh this is the shit we're into. Yeah, shout out to NYPD Pizza out there, man. Hell yeah. But yeah, man, I just got a job during the quarantine. I was like, fuck it.

Make some fucking pizzas. You make the pizzas? I make the pizzas. I deliver them. You make the dough? Do I make the dough? Yeah, we make the dough in the back. Yeah.

Yeah, it's all fucking homemade. It's not as bomb as probably that pizza over there. Right. It's pretty good. Of course. Vito's Pizza range. You know what some guy told me there? He goes, he was another Mexican dude.

He said, I'm a professional pizza maker. Is that the fuck college you go to? Chuck E. Cheese food? Get the fuck out of here, man. So is this your first job at a pizza joint? Yeah, it is, dog. It's fucking easy. Of course it's easy.

What was the interview process like for that job uh that dude just called me he's like you want to work i said yeah fuck yeah dude hell yeah and you got the job yeah i got the job very few jobs or they go would you like a job and you're like yeah fuck yeah dude but pizza places that's like oh that dude's a badass. Yeah. So you work mornings or nights? I work nights. Yeah. What's your shift normally? Like 3 to 10?

Nah, it's 2 to 10, yeah. 2 to 10, yeah. I make my own pizza, though. 3 to 10, yeah. 3 to 11. I made some today. Really? Yeah, I make my pizza. I don't work there.

Steve Simone taught me how to do it. I make three pizzas, yeah. You made pizza? I make pizza from fucking scratch, bro. Oh, shit. Do you have the oven stone? It's more delicious than any pizza I've make pizza from fucking scratch, bro. Oh, shit. And it's more delicious than any pizza I've ever had delivered to my fucking house. Do you have the stone, like the oven stone? Yeah, I get the oven stone, cook it, it's 15 minutes.

Is it better than Beatles? Yeah, it's fucking great. I put sun-dried pizza, basil, fucking goat cheese on it. I make, you know, from scratch, but it's delicious. It's pretty good. We should link up and start a pizzeria, fool. I know, man, right? I'm going to go i'm a jewish pizzeria in a quarantine oh you're fired hell yeah uh so digits uh last time you were on this show i asked you about uh what's the uh pickup line that you

use when you first see a woman and your response was what's up fool and i go oh he starts right off with an insult and that little clip was featured on fools gone wild well yeah shout outs to fools gone wild out there dog little mr e homie i love fools gone wild you know lying you should try you should just walk up and point to a cooch and go you know that thing's just not going to eat itself. Yeah, no, sometimes I like to ask them, hey, how high are your socks, fool? That's what you say to a girl? Yeah, sometimes, you know, the higher the socks, the downer the foolier, fool.

Damn, is that true? If a girl wears high socks, she's got a bomb pussy? If she wears high socks, that means she's down for anything, fool. Really? Even karate chop a motherfucker in the neck. You can karate chop a girl in the neck? No, no, she'll karate chop somebody for you, fool. Oh, shit.

It's fire. It's called love. That's the type of girl. And she got high socks on. High socks, dog. My goodness gracious. Tell us more. Even under the pants. Tell us more of these cholo secrets to life that we have no idea.

There's a lot of them out there. I just can't be exposing them like that. You feel me? Oh, my goodness. Give us just one more. So high socks means that she's a. Oh, like pickup lines? Yeah.

Oh, damn. Well, I mean, it's not really a pickup line, fool, but. Yeah. You know, sometimes when they're, you know, I'll be like somewhere. I'll be like, hey, fool, you dropped that. And they'll be like, what? My number, bitch. That shit works.

Yeah, that shit works, fool. That shit works. Try it. It's pretty fun. It works. I love the bitch at the end. Yeah, it's strong. You got to let them know where they're from. Number, bitch.

Oh, shit. Digits. I fucking love it, man. So you've been going back out've been going out back out to palm springs at all yeah i work in palm springs right is that where you live i live there now yeah living in the indio indio so i'm going back and forth and then you know i like to party a lot and go to vegas and shit how do you stay cool during the days it's unbelievably hot they made this actual like they made this thing like You put it on the walls and shit.

Call the AC, dog. I don't know what you guys call it over here in LA, fool, because I haven't seen one over here, dog. Only at the Momo. What's the Momo? The Motel, fool. Oh, shit. The hotel.

My God. This is so cool. I always learn. The irony is that I learn more from digits than almost anyone else that comes on this show. I learn new words. I learn pickup lines. I'm going to use that tonight. I'll say, hey, you dropped that.

And the girl's like, what? My number, bitch. It's weird when a white guy does it, though. You hear that? Oh, you dropped my phone number, you bitch. You can say puta. Doesn't have any ring to it. Do we ever hear why your name is digits like i used to be graffiti artist fool oh yeah

and when i moved to la i just put a los in front of it for la you know los oh cool so i'm los digits now that's great forming alone as digits where can we see uh some of your graffiti um all on my website. I mean, not website, on my Instagram. Okay. And then everywhere else. There's one actually, my name up there on the bathroom stall, so check it out. Oh, don't graffiti the comedy store.

No, I didn't graffiti the comedy store. I just wrote my name. That's one way to do it. That's one way to get your name on the wall here. Yeah, you should have done it outside on the wall. Yeah, with white cursive. I'm not allowed outside on the wall. And then your Instagram is, what is it, Lowe's?

No, his name's on the wall. It's written in black. Yeah, it's L-O-S-D-I-G-I-T-S. That's my Instagram name. All one word? Yeah. All right. I'm across all platforms on Lowe's Digits, man.

And I got www.losedigits.com, fool. I love it. If you want to see my battles or anything, check that out. Absolutely, we will. Digits, thank you so much. Thank you guys, man. There he goes, the great Digits. Yeah. We got one more name in the bucket.

We're going to knock it out real quick, even though we're going long here. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a guy that seemed like he really wanted to get up earlier. He's been on the show a couple times before. It's been a really long time. So here we go. We're going to knock it out quickly. Bando, everybody. Here comes Bando.

Bando. Here he is. Ladies and gentlemen, Bando. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Bando. It's been a rough quarantine. I caught my wife cheating. My own eyes. She's sitting there. They were eating spaghetti. So I confronted them.

How dare you eat carbs? I don't know. Been on a carnivore diet now for about two years. I haven't eaten a vegetable in two years. If we're not counting like paraplegics. Anyways, people talk a lot about these masks. People talk a lot about these masks. I heard people arguing that masks are dangerous when they wear them when they're driving

because you can't see the other's face. I don't think that's going to be a problem because I can still tell when they're Asian. Anyways, a lot of people watching Netflix talking about that new Kevin Hart thing. I've never been a big Kevin Hart fan, you know. I heard his new special was a lot of transphobia and homophobia. So I think I'm going to check it out, actually. All right. I don't know, man. I like I like my women like I like my fish battered.

All right. Wow. Jesus Christ. I love this. I've always wondered what it would be like if Joe Rogan had brain trauma. This is exciting. You're like Joe Broken. It's incredible.

I get that a lot at the open mics. I bet you do. Everybody says you're like a generic Joe Rogan. I bet you do. Generic Joe Rogan. Generic isn't quite the same. I really believe Joe Rogan, if when he was a kid, really had an accidental taekwondo match in a room filled with cement and just bashed his head against something.

But it's good. It's good. Instead of on it, you have off it. It's like Joe Rogan, if fear was a factor for him. Have you really been on the carnivore diet that long? Yeah, I just hit two years on August 18th. Wow. Best health of my life.

It's amazing. I wonder what Joe Rogan would say about this guy and the set that he just had. Maybe we could call him, try to get him on speakerphone, and let's see what Joe has to say about any of this. Joe, are you there? You've got a lot of steroids and deadlifts. Where are you getting the lower back muscles to give someone a proper fucking?

Wow. All right. Joe just jumping straight into it as fast as he can. He's very passionate about this. So, wow. There's a lot there. Joe, do you think Joe, what do you think this guy should do about his wife cheating on him?

Look, gay people say silly shit. Oh, my goodness. All right, he thinks you're gay. Is there any truth to that? Are you gay? Absolutely not, 100%. No, Joe, he says he's not gay. That's all I'm saying.

I mean, you have to say something else. Come on. Sweet dick, yeah. Oh say something else. Come on. The sweet dickhead. Oh, my God. All right. He's completely convinced that you're gay. Have you ever done anything with a man at all? Nothing sexual, no.

No? What's the most sexual thing you've done with a man? Arm wrestle? I tag-teamed a girl once years ago with a buddy of mine. Whoa. That's so good. That was so good. That was a fucking crazy time.

Were you guys in there? You guys share the same hole at the same time? No, no, no. We double peed. One in the ass, one in the... You did do that? Oh, absolutely. One in the ass, one in the vagina.

But you didn't go double vaginal penetration? No, no, no. Okay. But one of your balls were hitting the other guy's dick. It could have happened. Yeah, but I can't come unless we're bagging scrotums. She was really a tack. I can't come unless we're bagging scrotums. I can't come unless we're bagging scrotums.

So let me ask you this. I'm not gay, but we're doing a DP. Were you on the bottom, the girl was on top, and your buddy was from behind, or were you the guy from behind? Both. We've switched around. Whoa, switched around. Was there one point where she was on the bottom, he was on the top,

and you were hitting it from behind, and it was the guy's bottle? You don't want to get hit with any friendly fire in that situation, bro. Did you guys end up coming at the same time? Yeah, I recall. There was a lot of worn out condoms all over the room. A layer of sweat just started pouring out of his forehead at the moment that I asked

did you come at the same time? He let the record state he was not sweating before he started sweating right then. Anyway. That was a good time long time my goodness joe do you think there's anything perhaps gay about what he just said but you can't let him get goofy like what do you mean by that exactly i never i mean this is on stage only i have like arguments with gay people but in real life i'm pretty passing okay okay all right forget it joe forget. This is too much information.

Oh, wow. So that's interesting, Bando. I'm glad that you made it in here. How long have you been doing stand-up? Just under two years. Under two years. All of it here in Los Angeles? Yep. Is this where you were born and raised?

Nope, Cleveland, Ohio. Oh, Cleveland, Ohio. Hell yeah. We're all Ohioans here. At least me and Red Banner. And that's where you were up until two years ago? Oh, no, I just started doing stand-up two years ago. I've been in California since 05.

Awesome. What do you do for work? Well, right now with COVID, I had a club in Long Beach called Therapeutic Noise Comedy Club, and I had to close down in June. I also used to own a security company, so I've been a security consultant. That's right. But I've already lost over consultant. That's right. But I've already lost over six figures of money because of this COVID stuff,

so it's been rough. Damn. Luckily, my wife works. Yeah, I had to close my club, which really sucked because that was kind of my passion project. Right. Of course, it's a tough time,

but we'll recoup. We'll come back. The economy was absolutely booming before this pandemic, and we'll probably get back there again. So now I'm actually a strength coach. I strength train out in Orange County where I live. Really?

I do like one-on-one, super slow, high-intensity strength training, super safe and effective. It's like one 30-minute workout a week. What kind of – what are we talking about? It's like medical-grade Nautilus-style. I work, I work a lot of old people out, you know, they come out, they get better bone density and get stronger. And they, you know, can you show us, can you give us an example of like one of the workouts? So, I mean, the idea of the workout is that you're just eliminating momentum. You're not counting reps, you're counting time under load

and like, it's just one-on-one. So I'm like really watching all their posture and everything they're giving everything they got they're taking all their weight are you talking about the guy when you were having a threesome again all this talk about posture and load you know you should get Mitch involved in this Mitch if he wasn't in the fitness protection program you get Mitch involved in it thank you

he was in the fitness protection he said he's been working out he got heavier silverware listen here's the thing I do that and then I do strength I do He was in the fitness protection. He said he's working out. He got heavier silverware. Let's sit. Here's the thing. I do that. And then I do strength. I do also carnivore coaching for people. So I help them change their behavior so they can actually stick to the plan.

And then I also am putting together what's a conflict anger management kind of coaching program for people. So you only eat meat. There's only been meat in your mouth. Again, not talking about the threesome. I pretty much eat once a day, and I eat about two and a half to three pounds of ribeye. Typically on workout days, I'll throw some eggs or some seafood in there.

The only thing I eat that is kind of off carnivore is I consume coffee. But I do it with butter, like a bulletproof style. I do coffee with butter and collagen. Yeah, I'd say coffee still keeps it carnivore. I was doing an Atkins diet, the Chet Atkins diet, just liquor and cigarettes. I didn I'd say coffee still. I was doing an Atkins diet. Chet Atkins diet. Just liquor and cigarettes. They didn't lose any weight.

Wait, who's Chet Atkins? He's a fucking blues musician who fucking shot heroin and fucking, he's a fucking horrible person. He died. I'm gonna look him up. His music's great.

I'm looking him up. I love a good blues artist. That's a hard diet to do because I did keto for like seven months, six months and just not being able to eat fruit I did keto for like seven months, six months, and just not being able to eat fruit like broke me. Oh, yeah.

For me, it's like I used to be 110 pounds heavier. So like seven years ago, I changed. I did the keto thing. So to me, carnivore is easy if you progressively get to it. The lack of fruit is what broke you. Reduced all the processed foods and all the fruit and all that. Yeah, dude. I love fruit.

I love watermelon and peaches, apples. I'm a big fruit guy. I miss blueberries probably the most. Fruit. You sound like it. You have any papaya? Do you have some papaya, some mango? I don't like mango.

It tastes like carpet. You don't like mango? How do you know what carpet tastes like? Fuck chemical taste. Oh, you've had some bad mangoes. No, it has a weird chemical-y taste. Once you cut the seed out of it, you can put those two halves together. Fuck it.

Fuck mango. All right. Well, Bando, we're running out of time. We got one more legend to get up here. But thank you so much for coming through, man. I'm glad we were able to get you up here. to get up here, but thank you so much for coming through, man. I'm glad we were able to get you up here. Fun fact

about Bando getting up tonight is that I had already had four people sign up and I happened to be in the back of the parking lot talking with our next and final comedian of the night and I was having a conversation with him and out of the

behind me, out of the corner of my ear I heard some guy go man, so there's no chance of sign-ups? And one of the managers was like, nope, it's already been, you know, they already have enough people that are committed to the show, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And this guy was like, fuck, man, fucking shit, fuck. And I'm like, oh, I gotta get this guy up. So how about one more time for bando everybody they need some fruit that's a that's the that's the the gateway to my heart is if i hear you cuss only cuss words five times in a row i go i gotta help this person speaking of the gateway to my heart i'm completely undoubtedly in love with your final comedian of the night. You know him. You're in love with him too. I present to you the great

Michael Lair, everybody. Don't have enough time. We have a lot of time. You can go as long as you want. Michael Lair, everybody. No, Tony. It's my show. And this show is a bastion of toxicity. And this show is a bastion of toxicity.

And I am prof-toxic. And I'm here to help soulmate. Now, I cause a lot of the toxicity. Underneath the thin, violet character of Hammerita is a Jessica Johnstone, and she told me I called her too much. And I accept that. I don't reject that. I don't reflect that. I reject that.

I don't reflect on it. I inject on it. I don't catch on it. Now, the rest of you have a lot of lessons to learn about toxicity. Rebban, I wrote a play for you to perform. All six of you, please distribute the scripts. Oh, my goodness. There's scripts being handed out right now by ProfToxic, everybody. Please. ProfToxic, what is it

that you do again? I'm Michael and I'm the number one ALS comedian in the world, but I'm also a ProfToxic in the world, but I'm also a proud toxic in the

academia of thespianism, finding toxicity in the arts. Tony, please read the cover and then begin the play. The cover is unbelievable.

This is Kill Toxic, a live action manual regarding the toxicity that is everything Kill Tony. I can't wait for this. This has been a long time coming, and here we go. It starts over there. Hey, Jesse, what you up to? Blowing out my trumpet spit valve. Very dangerous in the age of Corona. LOL.

Hey, wait. Can I just stop for a second? I think you guys should do impressions of Jeremiah Watkins and Jesse Johnson. Oh, I understand now. Can we take it from the top? I apologize. And action. Hey, Jesse.

What you up to? Blowing out my trumpet spit valve. Very dangerous in the age of corona, lol. No doubt. You're so funny. If you were not my sister, I would so date you. No doubt. Even though you are my brother.

But the main reason we should not date is because we work together. No doubt. I did not consider how our incestuous affair might affect our co-workers. No doubt. I did not consider how our incestuous affair might affect our co-workers. No doubt. Moving on, do you ever get tired of Joelberg and Chroma Chris looking down on us from the ivory tower of patriarchy that is the so-called drumstand? No doubt. I look forward to a time when everyone in the Kill Tony band performs at the same elevation. Can I ask you something, Gilbert? No doubt, Chroma Chris.

Doesn't Jeremiah and Jesse's relationship just gross you out? No doubt. They are definitely having sex, and they are definitely brother and sister. But sexuality is fluid, so it's not our place to judge no doubt no doubt hey what is the name of this thing that i hold that makes the sounds that's a guitar oh guitar right right it's funny no matter the song my hands always feel like they're building and taking a part of a machine gun. That's PTSD. We all have it. That's why I take sponsored Kratom. My PTSD comes from feeling marginalized by Jeremiah's endless parade of saxophones.

No doubt. You know, Jeremiah's tiny saxophone is a personification of microaggression. No doubt. I got a lot of speaking parts in this one, it turns out. No doubt. But I'm not worried about that. I'm more worried about Tony might be Satan. Tony definitely worships Satan

No, I think Tony is literally Satan The mark of the beast festers and swells on the back of his fucking neck Well, I don't know about all that But would it surprise you to know that I hail Satan? No doubt No doubt. No doubt. I understand that you may not see eye to eye with Tony and I's satanic worship, but no doubt we appreciate

your service to America that allows Tony and I, Italian and Mexican migrants, the freedom to worship Satan. No doubt, but I really think Tony might be the devil. No doubt, but fuck it, and let's hear that machine gun purr hey red band yeah tony can i have some of that sponsored CBD cream?

I think I got a mosquito bite. The back of my neck feels on fire. No, you might be Satan, but we'll figure that out after we sell 10,000 of these butthoses. Feels like nowadays all we do is figure things out. Thank God we have you along for the ride. Dr. Red Band! Honestly, nowadays I consider myself more of an environmentalist. I just

want to E the world. I'm changing my name to Brian Eban. No doubt? No doubt. Doing my part to save the world. One assistant rotation of my bicycle pedals at a time.

Maybe Kill Tony is like one of your stupid fucking e-bikes. We all power ourselves from week to week, but sometimes we need a little assistance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hub, hub, yeah. And depending on how much delicious Vito pizza Charlie

stuffs in my fucking face, I may need a little more assistance than usual oh Joel Berg good night and hail Satan from everyone on the blah blah blah kill Tony podcast wow

wow that was powerful extremely well ridden prof toxic Wow. That was powerful. Extremely well-written, ProfToxic. Well, I hope you all learned a lesson. We did. Yeah, and you are a saint for sure.

No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. Kill Tony is just a big fucking e-bike it's just a big e-bike on the internet yeah man man power with a little

help from david deere and a little is a strong word no doubt prof toxic i only have one more question for you before we end uh this strong word. No doubt. ProfToxic, I only have one more question for you before we end this

episode. Why are you so wet? It appears as though even your glasses are covered with sweat. The halls of academia are a nervous place nowadays. No doubt.

No doubt. No doubt. Well, Prof Toxic, what are you going to do next? What are you going to do next? I think I'm going to talk to those stitches about me out of my misery, man. Prof Toxic, ladies and gentlemen. What an episode. Kill Tony. Check out Zero Tolerance,

the new album from Jimmy Schubert, available everywhere on iTunes. Thank you, Michael Lair. MichaelLairComedy.com for everything Michael Lair. Believe it or not, I do believe ProfToxic was from Michael Lair. I mean, it was so incredible the entire time. I didn't even notice that was you. That was my favorite thing that you've done.

You're absolutely incredible. Halfway through that script, I thought to myself, how the fuck did this happen that this genius fucking came to us? And did you see him doing the conductor? I mean, it's just unbelievable. Well, you know what? You know what? Life is hard, and we all go through human shit on micro and macro level.

And no doubt I am. And individually, we all have our crosses to bear. level and no doubt I am and individually we all have our crosses to bear but all I fucking know is Tony and Brian Bradband gave me rocket fuel

for the rest of my life and I will always be grateful for that thank you brother thank. Thank you. Thank you. And you give us rocket fuel too. There's a synergy. Goes both ways.

Let's check out the drawing from Ryan J. Ebeld. He draws every single episode. Look at that bad mama jamma. Damn. It's like a magician's box, right? It's a magic box. KT Magic. Absolutely awesome. There's the band. There's magic box. KT Magic. Absolutely awesome.

There's the band. There's the cat. That's me. Absolutely unbelievable. RyanJUBelt.com for that. Those prints. Everything. Every tour poster. New shirts. RyanJUBelt.com One more time.

How about a hand for the great Jimmy Schubert joining us? Hey, thanks for having me on, man. It was a blast. Absolute Comedy Store royalty. His new album, Zero Tolerance, is available on iTunes. Go get it. We love you, Jimmy. Thank you.

The great Jeremiah Watkins was Walter Fig tonight. He's on Venmo at Jeremiah-Watkins. Who you got on the podcast this week? Well, if you've missed the last couple weeks maybe, you might have seen the Kill Tony band on there. There's some new Dr. Phil Jeremiah Wonders episodes and I've got a new breakfast show

where I eat cereal with friends and strangers over the internet. And then lots of stand-up clips on Jeremiah Watkins YouTube. thanks for having me absolutely jeremiah watkins the great jetski johnson everybody she's on social media jetski johnson and uh she's got some new merch that is absolutely awesome it's actually the coolest thing ever brand new jets Ski Johnson ornaments.

You could use them as Christmas ornaments, but they're really what we would call an any occasion ornament. You can get them by going to jetskijohnson at gmail.com. I got it, yeah. Yeah, I'm shocked that that was available. jetskijohnson at gmail.com. They're $20 and $25, plastic or glass, right?

And she showed them to me before the show. Have you seen these yet? They're so cool. She makes them herself, handmade, one of the, you know, greatest characters

in the history of the show. You gotta check these out. Check them out. They're on her Instagram, at Jetski Johnson, and she's selling them, and she'll send them to you. Right, Jetski?

Thanks, Tony. Yep, that's the latest scoop. Am I missing anything? No, that's it. Buy a Jetski Johnson ornament. Go to jetskijohnson at gmail.com. Maybe you can even go straight through her Instagram. But why not send her an email?

She'll respond to you. Yeah, either way. Exactly. Just put all occasion ornament. Well, Hamatha, great stuff tonight. Any occasion ornaments handmade by Jetski Johnson. Guys, how about a hand for Marv the Mailman. Marv the Mailman.

That was actually Chroma Chris all night. Tell us more, Chroma. Yes, you can follow me on, I'm only on Instagram and Vimbo at Chroma Chris. What do you think about tonight's episode, Marv? It was first class, Tony. And also Hail Satan. Hail Satan indeed. Always and forever. Guys, spoiler

alert. Carl Malone, that was actually Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez everybody. Joel, tell us more. I'm at mostly sorry. Send me money on Venmo as well joel dash him and his why not absolutely send us all money why not i'm on patreon patreon.com slash hinchcliffe roast university i go over roast history roast advice roast battles comedy central roast all the way

back to rickles the friars club we just talk about what i love talking about the most which is making fun of people if you want to get better at it you can learn a lot at roast university check out a virtual red band check out brothers in cursive we have a new patreon we have a bunch of new stuff that we're doing on there including a video game show on their patreon uh go to death squad dot tv yeah's right. I have a bunch of new shirts up at Tony Hinchcliffe.com to golden pony gear dot threadless.com. Oh, Jeremiah has something.

I forgot. My merch store is now open. Jeremiah Watkins.com. It's been down for a little bit. It's back open. It's back open. Everybody. You wanted it.

There it is. Jeremiah Watkins.comcom thank you so much for coming out everybody thanks for watching we'll see you guys soon