KILL TONY - KILL TONY #478

Episode Date: October 30, 2020

Sara Weinshenk, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Jessie Johnson, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - 10/19/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Chuck out our website, Death Squad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show. And you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere. That's Death Squad.TV. Tony has his own website. Go to Tony Hinchcliffe.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his own tour dates and his merch.

That's Tony Hinchcliff.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the Hinchcliff.com. He Belt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode and he sells prints of them or books. Go to RyanJ.eBelt.com and pick up some cool Kill Tony stuff. And last but not least, the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe is Shop Squad. Dot TV. There you got some Death Squad hats, shirts, and you also got some Kill Tony shirts left.

That's at Shop Squad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. This is Great Man. I'm going to be live from a rural, famous company store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Here's Tony. Hey! How you doing, Brian, Red Band? Good, buddy. How are you?

Another beautiful day, a beautiful Monday here in sweet, sweet Los Angeles, California. The fires have subsided. The president is back in the White House, and the state of Kill Tony is strong. Joining us this evening, as with every single episode, ladies and gentlemen, look who it is, guys. It's the one. It's the only Ryan J.E.E. Bell. Look at him, Ryan Jee. Whoa.

And I think of my goodness, really, that classic turn to the camera of Ryan J.E. Belt, a southern charm of a true Texas gentleman. Every single episode of the show is drawn by Ryan J.E. Belt in a beautiful, beautiful way. And all those prints are available at Ryanj.e.bilt.com, including all the tour posters of all the past shows in every single one of your favorite episodes of Kill Tony. All Ryanj.e.e.bel.com.

Sometimes he does fun options. He has some cool. A few new limited edition t-shirts for sale. Brand new Hinchcliffe's Notes, Throwback T-shirt. And I absolutely love. It's my new favorite t-shirt. I very rarely get a chance to wear t-shirts nowadays due to your golf habits. But when I do, I go with a Ryan J.E. Belt T-shirt.

Nice. I am stuffed up to the gills today on delicious Vito's Pizza. here everybody there's pizza here it is just incredible we eat like back-dun freaking uh warlords over here we eat pizza warlords warlords Italian warlord hey what's up I'm on a tell you warlord we have pizza we have lots of pizza and two days ago I ordered a ziti I didn't every week I'm addicted to their big ziti I had it I didn't even bother you Charlie I ordered the normal breadsticks this time so I didn't even want

to bug you. It was early. I had it for breakfast. It was like 11.15 a.m. Absolutely love me some ziti. Gives me fricking power. The great Gino is here for Speedweek. The Carmelch Studios kept the momentum of the show rolling for us when we were indeed of a slightly larger than small studio and we had a lot of fun over there, a lot of memories. Remember that? The Tiger King came out. The band was the Tiger King. It seems like just yesterday. Absolute insanity over there. All the people's zoos. zooming in and all that wacky stuff. And thank you, Gino.

He's here tonight. We're going to have fun. Five people are in the bucket, pre-selected. They've been waiting weeks for the opportunity to go on in this show. We even have a guest. But before we get to that, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors of Kill Tony that make this episode even possible.

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Wow. I feel like I was just shut out of my cannon. I'm so excited to start tonight's show with us tonight as a guest, one of the first ever regulars on the show, in the show's history, a young lady that has gone on to be a full-time comedian, full-time podcaster, and a gosh-darm charismatic sensation that everybody wants to hang out with and be around. One of my favorite human beings on the planet, one of my favorite top young rising comedians.

Make some voice for the great Sarah Weinstein, everybody. Yeah. Shank is in the bank. Welcome back to the world famous comedy store. Thank you so much. So excited to be here. We're excited to have you. You're the host of the podcast, Shank.

That is right. S-H-E-N-K. Yes, Shank. Not to be confused with Jeremiah's character, who always just escaped from prison, who's known as Shanks. Oh. But that's with an A.

We're going to have a shank off. He shanks people. You're just shank. Yeah, I'm just shank. Like a slightly Jewish shank. Yeah. S-H-E-N-P-H-N-Pet. Yeah, I'm a Jew-ified shame.

So welcome back. You used to write and perform a brand-new minute every single week. Back when this podcast was just a gosh darn experiment. Yeah. And here you are. What's been seven years? It's been even longer, right? Yeah.

Oh, has it been seven years? I mean, we've been doing to kill Tony for seven and a half years. How soon into it did you start? Right around episode like 16? Wow. What's that? Just three months, four months into the show, and then there you are. Right there.

That's crazy. So it has been, it has been seven years that we've been working together. That's crazy. And we get to work together tonight. You know what's only been a part of the show about six, six and a half years? The band. There's a band on this show. And every single week they commit to being different characters.

We never know what they're going to be. They were running behind on time tonight on it. You know, on these shows, I mean, it's incredible. They had all the time in the world to prepare. They're out here freaking eating the crust of their pizza. Yeah. Sharon Krusties. And it's time to start the busties.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's see what characters are committing to tonight. It is the best damn band in the land. It's the Kiltony band. Jeremiah Watkins, Jorbert, Joe Hamanaz, Jetsky, Jesse Johnson, and come with her. And I would have joined the band this if I knew you guys were going to do this. How much fun are you guys? This is very exciting. This is the first time we've ever had golfers on the show.

I think I would remember this if it happened before. So welcome. It appears maybe, oh, this is a caddy, I do believe. Some type of hybrid caddy that keeps his bag on his arm while pulling out a golf club. And wearing the glove, not on his hand, but in his hand. He's holding on to the glove. This is a very interesting strategy I have yet to see on the course of keeping the golf bag on. Is he a caddy?

I think he's a caddy. Are you a caddy? That's there is dumb. Wow, what's your name, Caddy, man? Flynn. Flynn. Okay, Flynn. So welcome to the show.

This is your first time here. I'm positive of that. I have somewhat of a decent memory. And I remember that it's your first time. Have you ever seen the show before, Flynn? Big fan, Tony. Big fan. Well, I'm glad you could join us.

And then back here we have what appears to be a young female professional golfer. What's your name? Hi, I'm Veronica, and I love golf. What do you love about golf, Veronica? I love writing the cards and getting drains and fresh air. It is a big part of it. Well, welcome to the show, Veronica. We're excited to have you.

And what's this young man back here? This looks like a young Bill Billingsley. What's your name? The name's Cat Lumber, Tony. Cat lumber. Now, what? How do you think you ended up

with a name like that? Well, Tiger Woods was already taken. Oh, wow. I fell right into your little trap. Also, Tony,

we heard that you've been having some trouble holding onto your clubs, and I got you something. Oh,

I've been having trouble holding onto my club. Do they just let him in a coffee club? I mean, this is very interesting.

Holding onto the clubs. Oh, wow, this is beautiful. Look at this. It's a, it's a driver with a chef.

I'm the famous purple dildo. It's a butter. Oh my goodness. Hey, a butter. Look at that. Instead of a putter. You'll never lose it again. Look at that.

That is very bad schlaret. There you go. You thought all the way up to handing it to me now. What are what supposed to do? There you go. Thank you, cat lumber. He thought you were going to swallow it, Tony. I love that you would decide to give it to me instead of just coming out with it yourself.

I only like sandwiches. Okay. Sandwich. Yeah. Sandwiches instead of sand wedges. Look at this. We got the pun man Brian Redband here today Live in studio. Whoa, whoa! So Flynn, Veronica, and Pat Lumbert joining us golfers in the first time in the show's history. For sure, not in the first time in the show's history. The great Sarah Weinstein, Red Band and his soundboard. Everything's ready to go. So what do you guys say? Should we start the show live in the one-famous comedy store? So it turns to the great David Deerby has happened tonight. He's back right.

Yellow Springs, Ohio. Let me hand from David Derry, everyone. And he is. Just spent months with Dave Chappelle in the middle of Ohio. And now he's back. And how about a hand for Lieutenant General Zach Bogus is here, everyone. There he is a little salute slash looking for things

with the sun in his eye. So let's start the show. I have a bucket with five names in it. But you know what? Why would we start with that? When we can start with something that's sure to get the party started here, this young man, one of the longest ten-year regulars in the history of Keltony.

He is an unbelievable joke writer, an unbelievable performer. He has his first-ever headlining gig coming up. I believe at the end of this week, is that correct? Ladies and gentlemen, here to debut a brand new, never heard before a minute before doing his first ever long 45-minute-to-an-hour headlining. It's a guy that I'm very proud of that I love deeply. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Big Red Machine, William. I recently got back on Facebook.

Apparently my entire family is dead. I saw a picture of my new baby cousin, and I can tell he has his mother's eyes and his father's penis. I enjoy seeing white and black people come together, but enough about my porn preferences. So my phone died recently. I guess I should have been wearing a mask. My girlfriend ovulating so hard.

She barking. I didn't know how to end that. That's it. She what? What did she do? She's ovulating so hard. That she what? She barking.

She barking. Like a dog. I think you should say that part. Barking like a dog. Yeah. I didn't understand what the last things that you said. She barked. She barked.

I would say that you should say she's, I mean, I don't even think that she's barking like a dog makes it any funnier, but I think you should at least say it's the people. people understand. What does ovulating even mean? That means that they're having, it's what happens, I believe. Could have a baby? After the period or during the period?

No, it's right before you get your period. Right before the period. It's when you're most fertile. It tastes the best. It's when your egg starts moving down. It's when you can fit three balls in the hole. Hey! It has already begun.

Flynn, nailing a golf joke from three-point range. Is that when it gets creamy, also? Oh, God, Red Man. Yeah, probably. What is that even? mean. Don't ask red band questions. I don't even mean.

I don't even get it. I don't get the barking part. Yeah, why would she bark like a dog? Because she's ovulating. She's wanting a kid. She sees me walking in the bedroom naked. She's barking like a dog. Can you do an impression of what type of bark that she does?

Oh! That seems more like a howl. I know. Wow. It's like a hound dog. It's like a hound dog. You're, you are. You are a smart man, William.

You said that you made a joke about interracial porn at one point. You like to see black people and white people come together. I do. Is that true? Do you watch interracial porn? Do you watch porn, William? I do. I think I've said it before.

I have a big handjob fan just because I feel like it's the most accurate thing I could be watching. Because I'm doing it to myself. Because that's what's happening. You are getting a hand job. That is an interesting way of thinking about it. I'll watch that. I'll watch some mature stuff. Do you ever watch hand jobs give?

by people that have red hair on their hand, because if you're watching that, then it's even more accurate. I was scared you were going to ask me if I watch hand jobs given by guys, and I have accidentally seen a couple of those. Accidentally? Not really.

Well, how much do you think you watched of one of those? Oh, God. Hours? Wow. No, 30 minutes. Do you remember any of the names of these handjob porn that you watch? One guy's name was Sean Dragon

Shoutouts Really good Love you Sean Dragon Wow is a good hand job It seemed like it Now was Sean the guy Giving the hand job Or getting the hand job

Getting it Oh Very interesting Really cool video Why do they call him Sean Dragon Does fire come out of his wiener When he comes

I don't know I don't know No it doesn't That's impossible No yeah I don't know Why they call that I don't know I like that

I like, Sarah? Are you watching interracial handjob porn? Good question. Yeah, watch that sometimes. Let me ask you this. Is it a black hand on a white penis or a white hand on a black penis? Both.

Oh, you like to switch it up. Oh, yeah. My goodness. I love that. What's your preference? I can't stop. Oh, wow. I really can't fucking stop.

Oh, my goodness. How often do you watch handjob porn once a day? I don't know, five times a day. Okay. That's a full-time hand job It's a full-time job William, how's your life going? You seem very present today.

You seem... Yeah, doing good. Yeah. I've taken Adderall the past two days. I've been writing literally 10 hours trying to compile all my jokes. I don't know how 45 minutes is going to go with a bunch of short jokes.

I'm worried. I'm nervous. It's going to go faster than you think. It's going to be very... That's what I'm talking... What? That I can hit 45 minutes? or then I can't.

You're definitely going to hit 45. You think? You need to no longer worry about hitting 45 minutes. I know. I'm generally confident, but I've been... Whatever you do, you can't get off early. I have heard a rumor that you have a weird habit of sometimes bailing early. I believe you did it in the window the other day or something like that or in the parking lot. Well, not tonight.

If it happens tonight, I got it all written out. I'm good to go for tonight. Well, you're not going to do 45 minutes here at the comedy store. That's impossible. No, that's what they told me. No, they didn't. They said I could practice tonight. Nobody said that.

Tony, the only... I was on the show on Showtime. They said I could practice. They saw my name on the credits. Cat Lumber has something he wants to say. Go ahead. Cat Lumber. Unfortunately, the time has passed.

Let's move on. What were you going to fucking say? I was going to say that the only thing you look like you bail is hay. There you go. Clearly the time has not passed. So from now on, if I tee you up, just do whatever you were going to do. Whoa, because daddy's liquored up, baby. There we go.

Cat Lumber. Continuing. where he left off last week. And I had six tee-up jokes ready to go later in the episode. But Tony, thanks a lot. I love that green. I love that green shirt. I love that red.

I swear to God, I didn't even notice that I literally didn't even, I forgot you guys are golfers when I did that tee up. You're such a golfer at this point. Is this part of your comment? No, no, it's just a saying. It's a natural thing. No, no, no. I think it's, you tease somebody up.

I think it's the golf, rub me up. Well, you know what? Yeah, it's just part of my, part of my life. Part for the course. Tony, I've been watching Tony, I've been watching her stories. You didn't say far from the course, William. Go ahead, William.

Are you actually flying on these planes or is that a flight simulator? I'm taking lessons now. I am officially. Tony, be careful. That's how you're going to die. That's how you're going to die. What are the planes that's going to go down? I've had a dream.

William. I've had a dream. I've had a dream. I'll let you run out of oxygen. Keep repeating it. You good? I just want you to be careful. I care about you.

Okay. Thank you so much for the care. You know who thinks planes crash? You know who says things like that? Dumb white trash people. So don't be a dumb white trash person. It's a 737 Boeing business jet. You never hear of those crashing.

It's almost absolutely impossible. It literally never happens. Never say never. Oh, okay, William. Again, this is an ignorant way of thinking that you're showing. You know what? I don't think you're going to be able to hit 45 this weekend when you headline for the first. Yeah, I don't think I am either.

I think you're going to start trying to bail. Not if you're flying him to Eureka. Listen, Tony, he's going to be able to. He's hitting at least 103. You know what I'm saying? I think you're going to fucking try to bail out at 28 minutes. I think I am too. No.

It's not an option. Worse comes to worse. Keep your fucking jokes written out and glance at it. Also have a couple stories. That's fine to do, isn't it? It's fine, but be very weary of leaning on it. Yeah. Just have the in-between talk also.

Like, when you're doing material, just, you know, don't be afraid to, like, you know, talk to a couple people in the audience. A little bit. And then go right back into it. Yeah. Be comfortable. Try not, because I have a feeling you're just going to speed through everything, and then you're going to be like 20 minutes. What are you going to open with?

Let's do a little thing. Let's tee up his intro music one more time. Son of a bitch. Oh, Jesus. That's twice. What? Tea up once again. Okay, yeah.

Okay. Very good. So here he is, ladies and gentlemen, headlining here in Eureka. We want to see your opening joke. We want to see your opening energy. Put the mic in the mic, Mike, Stan William. Ladies and gentlemen, this ex-guy is headlining. You know him from the comedy story.

story you know him from Kill Tony. Here he is the great William Montgomery. Eureka, how are you all doing? I've heard about your castle. That's good. That's good. What else? Give us one more.

What are you going to follow that up with? I obviously got the recessive gene. The interesting thing is both of my parents are black. Wow, okay. Starting straight with a racial show. Yeah, you should probably maybe go, you know, I looked up a lot about this place, you know, continue the Eureka thing a little. Yeah, a little bit of Eureka. I know, I know.

I agree. I came here today, as you could tell by the way I look, I came here on a hot air balloon. You could say that. That'd be a great follow-up joke. Or actually, I was thinking doing some Eureka Springs, Arkansas jokes, pretending like I'm in Eureka Springs. No. Nope. Okay.

Nope. Do the hot air balloon thing because it's on you. What do I say? What do you mean? It's a little bit self-deprecating, yet it's adorable. You know, the person who brings you up is naturally going to say. you know, that you live in L.A. or whatever, that you perform at the comedy store.

They're going to know that you had a little bit of a trip to Eureka. So you say, after the Eureka thing, I love your castle, blah, blah, blah. As you could tell, by the way, I look, I came here today on a hot air balloon. That's what you say. Because you do, you have a hot air balloon look to you. Am I right? No, a thousand percent. I don't know what it is.

There's something whimsical. There's a glimmer in your eye. It definitely looks like you. Really, Sarah? Yes. Yes. Tony, what if he goes, I knew I was in Eureka, because I went into a store and a guy said, man, Eureka.

Nope, don't do that either. Don't do that. Don't do the other thing. You were going to do it. So the castle and then the balloon stuff. The castle, hot air balloon. I can get right into it. As you could tell by the way I look, I came here on a hot air balloon.

Say it straight to that camera right there. Hey, what's up, Eureka? As you can tell, I, uh... Nope. Hey, what am I supposed to say? As you can tell by the way, I look. Okay, as you... Hey, Eureka, as you can...

As you can tell by the way I look, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. It took about eight hours. Nope, no, no. The punchline should be at the end. As you can tell by the way. You don't need to. What should be the punchline? What should I say?

The hot air balloon is the punchline. I've never known. As you could tell by the, what? Jeremiah. Jesus Christ. As you could tell by the way I look, I came here today on a hot air balloon. Hey, Eureka. Really nice to be here.

Do the castle. joke and then do the second show. Okay. This is headliner training here at Kill Tony. Here we get... Okay. So at the very beginning, log up to the mic, get the microphone.

Ladies and gentlemen, William Montgomery. Big round of applause. Here we go. Here comes William Montgomery. Eureka, what's up? Really nice to be here. Where's y'all's castle? But seriously, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. You fucked it up again, William.

That seemed good. What are you mean? By the way I look. As you can tell by the way I look? The joke is about what you look at. What did I not say that? So they wouldn't assume that you came here on a hot air balloon. Say, by the way I look.

As you can tell by the way I look, you could say that if that makes you more comfortable. Just literally I remember the BG song. Oh, I can tell by the way I love. So there you go. Thank you, Flynn. Thank you. Flynn so much. Let's try it again.

Shewhorning another song into a song. segment that does not need singing. So as you could tell, by the way I look, I came here today on a hot air balloon. Hey, Eureka, as you can tell by the way. Do the castle joke. Crazy. There he is. William.

Eureka, nice to be here. Where's y'all's castle? As you all can tell, by the way I look, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. Good enough, good enough. Eureka, he's got it. You know what? We got some mail for you here today.

I'm opening it up right now. Williams wearing one of his new pairs of shorts. I am. Thank you so much for shorts. It's become a weekly segment on the show. By the way, Eureka is known for Brendan Fraser. Is he from there? Yep.

Good to know. Him in Lloyd Bridge is pretty much the only people. That's interesting that he's from Eureka. I always thought he was more of an Encino man. Yeah, I thought he was an Encino, man. There you go. See? There you go.

Do that as a joke. Do that. It's a good Eureka joke. Hey, you know, I found out, Hey, y'all, I found out. found out that Brandon Fraser's from here from Eureka, but you know what? I always thought he was more of an Encino man.

Yep, just like that. Perfect. What do we got there? Be careful. Looks like a shirt this week. Looks like a shirt. You're going to throw it at it? Let's see.

All right. So you go try on that shirt and we're going to do another fashion party here in a little bit, okay? William, you're going to kill it. Congratulations on your headliner said. You can tell by the way I look out of the air balloon. No, it's man. No, it's not to talk.

And heaven loo is that I'm right Because I look like William Monke, Very good Okay, pulling a name out of the bucket. William, you're going to get that on for us? Okay, there we go. And to the bucket we go.

You guys excited? Woo! All right. Starting off tonight's show, ladies and gentlemen, your first comedian out of the bucket goes by the name of Camden Pace. Here we go.

Camden Pace. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Candin Pace. Here he is. Hey, everybody. I'd like to do a one-minute comedic improv if I could get a word from the panel. Dog. Dog. There was once this young lady, and she was walking through New York City,

and stepped over this dog shit left by this really huge dog. And it really pissed her off. And then she's like, you know, I've got to go just get out. out of here. I need something that looks like the country. So she starts walking across Central Park and she's noticed everyone having picnics and they're out because of course by now they're not wearing masks hopefully. And everything is going to find. It's a beautiful afternoon and she knows this guy. He's peeking at her from behind a tree and he's just totally gunning her down. And she's like, oh my God, she's so distraught and she takes off and runs six city blocks all the way up to her

mom's apartment there on the Upper East Side and she's crying and she's hysterical. And she's And she says, mom, I was walking across Central Park. And this guy was jacking off to me. And she's crying and her mom said, oh, honey, just enjoy it now. Because one day, that'll all come to a stop. There you go. Camden Pace. With a little improvisational minute there.

Okay. There you go. Hi, Camden. Welcome. Hey, Tony. Thanks for having me. You took a big risk. You improvised a minute.

you've been asking me for weeks if you can have one of these spots and look at you. You came in, guns ablazing. Light on your feet. Camden, how long have you been doing stand-up

and or improvisational activities? Let's see. It's been since June of last year. So what is that? Maybe 13, 14 months. Yeah. I think I started June of last year. And you started what?

Stand-up? Started doing stand-up. Fell into it completely by accident. Where at? Where were you? Over at flappers. Flappers, okay. I got talked into going to what I thought was an open mic,

and I actually just wanted to see everybody to do it. I didn't want to do it. You didn't know you were going to be the best comedian that flappers had last year, your very first time ever on stage. So how did you find the time? Did Tenacious D take a break last year? I'm sorry, I missed that. No, it's okay.

He says that you look like the un-famous guy from Tenacious Day. Kyle Guest. Yeah. Okay. I get that. But yeah, I just went by Flappers and everybody was doing this thing and they had material prepared. Did your cousin Jimmy Kimmel give you the spot? No.

No? Because you look like cousin Sal. Do you get that a lot too? That I've heard. Right. Yeah. I've actually heard that a little bit. Okay.

That makes sense. But the way it all started, someone said, once you sign up and go up there and just do three minutes, I was like, well, I don't have any material. I just, I've never been in a comedy club. I was 50 years old. I'd never been in a comedy club. And I got up there and Josh was overseeing everything. He was the booking agent.

And I basically told three minutes off just off my hip on what it was like. Do you remember anything that you talked about in that three minutes? Can you give us a little one liner from it? My experience coming from Georgia and moving to L.A. And how it's okay to smoke weed out here, but you can't smoke a camel. The most judgmental people it seemed were the ones who I'd light up a real cigarette and everybody would like just shoe me away. thought, you know, I thought it was the strangest thing because I'm from Georgia. I didn't know.

I wasn't. It was a whole different culture. Yeah. You know, completely. But anyway, I got booked on my first gig from that improv and then it just happened. What did you get booked on? What exactly? What the fuck exactly did you get? Someone gave him a joke writing book. It was a little five minutes set on a Friday night in the Uhoo room. That's awesome. A little tiny room over there. Very good. And you love you love drinking UHoo, don't you?

I love UHUHU. I grew up on UHUHU. It's a chocolate drink. It is. Red Band drinks at all these. riding a sea bike. It's gross. I used to love it, but then I found out

there's no milk in it and then it made me really hate it. Yeah. No, it's just like water. It's chocolate water. Yeah, it's a chocolate drink it's called. And if you let it sit out,

it gets like there's a gummy residue at the time. Yeah. If you don't really shake it good, it's weird. Sarah Weinstein, what do you think about all this? I think that my question is this. You really wanted to come on the show.

Did you think about perhaps writing something before doing it? Yeah. Do you have anything prepared? Yeah, I had some jokes, I thought, and I thought, but you know, this, I want to challenge myself and just fly into something. Did you barely even cover the dog thing? You turned dog into dog shit and you said everything like incorrectly. I hate when that, when people did that. You said that the lady was in a park and she stepped over dog shit. You didn't say step in dog shit.

I have really big dog, though, that left that pile there. And that it made her mad. Why would she be so mad if she stepped over it? Because she almost stepped in it with those really nice shoes that I left out. Oh, you left that part out. Just out that part about the really nice shoes. Leaving parts out. Can you retell it again but include the nice shoes? No, no, don't.

Don't. He's kidding. We could all imagine that. He's kidding. The really nice shoes. I just feel sorry, but I feel like if you're going to talk about jacking off in this climate, we got to have some punchlines. It's true.

Yeah, like maybe the greens were a little bit slicker than usual that day. Or maybe she slipped in those brand new shoes. Yep, she slipped and come. Just say it. She slipped in. Come to say it, it'll punch up the joke. She slipped up like, yeah. Say she had nice lady's shoes on.

She slipped in some cum and she started vomiting uncontrollably. She slipped in a tad. She slipped in a tad. She's slitted dog poop all of them. Okay. Flynn, Flynn, Flynn, Flynn, Flynn. If you keep this up, we're going to take away your country club membership. There we go.

I know how to threaten a golfer. So Camden, what have you been doing your entire life? You're 51 years old now. started at the age of 50, so what have you been up to this entire time? Have been acting, getting some actual gigs. What have you acted in that we might recognize you from? That you would recognize me. First thing that got me into the screen actors guild was finding Steve McQueen.

I was actually a stunt driver. Wow. And got a... Somebody said driver? I was a driver. My goodness. Yeah. And then I got a comedy...

Actually, I was on your show last July, and that got me booked on a comedy web series called The Vamps Next Door. How does this guy keep getting booked? This guy gets booked on everything. My God. This show launched my actual comedy acting career so far, and I've had some pretty, got one audition just came in today, so I've got to turn that. Oh, yeah?

What's that audition for? It's a, it's an untitled feature film at this point. You gotta be kidding. Where I'm playing an alcohol. I'm playing like an alcoholic dad. Let everything happen a little bit more than what you are. I'm trying to get more information from them. Keep going.

Yeah, it's a feature film where I'm playing like a. alcoholic dad, but he's like, funny dad, he's not a, he's not a means. Do you have a take on the character already? Can we see a bit of it? It just came in this afternoon, so I have not looking at. Can you just say, can you just say something like a drunk father would? Like, let's say I'm coming in late and, uh, and I'm your son and you're mad at me. Tony, I'm so proud of you. Have you ever gotten drunk before?

I just... I just... This guy's on mushrooms. My father's on mushrooms. I came home late from a party and my dad's on mushrooms. He's crying, telling me how much he loves him. My dad's on mushrooms. Coming to Nickelodeon.

I just worried about it. Mom fucking walked out. All right. Dad, you're on mushrooms again? We definitely need some character work on this one. Sony, this is how I started golf. I just showed up and they were like, hey, do you want to play?

And then there's a long line of people who never got to play because we held up the corner. That happens. That is the thing. I did get stuck behind a group of seven. A Korean family yesterday. A group of seven. They booked back-to-back tea times, and then they played together.

If you're wondering how awesome that is, it's not. So shout out to that awesome Korean family that literally held up me and two unbelievably incredibly great golfers. South or North. You know, they were very suspicious. Oh, this is the music that they were playing in their golf carts. They didn't have a Bluetooth. They had a single tooth. Did any of them get a hole in Oon?

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that. Thank you. So, Camden, is there anything else crazy about your life or your history, a fun fact about you that we need to know about before we let you go?

I did 10 years in federal prison. in for armed bank robbery. Wow. Awesome. You should lead with that, all right. Let's go back to the woman slipping and come, okay? Wow, this is very exciting.

Was this in Georgia? Yeah, it was in Georgia. And you had a gun. I had a fully automatic AR-15. Oh, my God. And you went to the teller with, what, a note? No, I went in and it was a takedown. It was a takedown.

You said, give me all your fucking money. Yeah, I got in the vault. Did you go in with a gym bag? I was like an Army C bag. Wow. Did you take the money? Yeah. And you walked out?

Yeah. Well, I ran out. You ran out. And were you by yourself? By myself? Holy shit. And you put the bag in your car, van, truck. And then you sped away.

How far did you get? I went. They had a helicopter on me in no time because I didn't realize. Yeah, I didn't realize that it was across the street. Somebody was behind a gas pump and called it in. And then when I went down the road. How did they call it? it in you put a ski mask on before going in?

Yeah, I had a mask and getting a huge bag of cash with a fully automatic AR-15. Oh my God. So they called it in. They go, I just saw a guy with a ski mask and a gun and a giant bag running to the bank. I think he might be robbing it. They had a helicopter on your truck. How long do you think you were in in the bank for before escaping?

How long do you think the whole take down was? About three minutes, seven minutes? 90 seconds. 90 seconds. You're running out with a bag and they already had a helicopter on you? Yeah, probably about eight minutes. after I left the tank. I went through a crossing guard at school,

and I looked in the mirror, and I could see him get on the radio like that. Then it's just wop, whoop, pop, pop, pop, up, pop. How many stars in Grand Theft Auto is that? Actually, Gameology, I did four shoots for them on the Grand Theft Auto series on Heist, on bank heist.

That's on gameology on, if you look that up on YouTube. Weird flex. Did you think you could get away with it? Like, were you 100% like, oh, I can, this is easy? You know, a lot of people do. A lot of people get away with it. If you go in with a gun, though, really raises the stakes.

The big difference between Robb. This was my second one. Oh. Part of the plea deal was I pled to the one I didn't get away with. Wow. So you got away with one and you're like, and then how much did you make out with in the first heist? Oh, I'm here to tell you people, they don't carry more money and they actually need to operate with. So it's not like the movies.

No, I know. About $6,000. $9,200. $9,200. See, this is good. Jesus. Yeah, it does not. Yeah.

How about the second one? What do you think you had in the bag? Did they count it? My guess is... 25,300 something. Wow, that's a good one. Jesus, you almost had it. But you could also just take somebody's wallet as a credit card.

You that has that much on it or something, you know? I have a question. Yeah, go right ahead. Okay. You should, in my opinion, write jokes about how you're a shitty bank robber, because that's actually funny and interesting. Absolutely. First is coming on here and been like, give me a word.

Dog. You have such an interesting history. You could literally be the bank robber comedian. The shitty bank robber. The shitty bank robber. Stealing our time. Uh-huh. That's what all my trolls say.

All my trolls say he sucks as a bank robber because he got caught. Which, yeah. Heck yeah. Yeah. Don't do it. A lot of, there's actually, there are a lot of, there's a spot in the marketplace for a comedian that, uh, that steals a lot because Carlos Mencilla is, uh, Anyway, so you were in federal prison in Georgia.

That must have been rough, huh? Well, actually, the thing about the feds is it's not like state jurisdiction. They can put you anywhere in the country because you're in the federal bureau of prisons. Where did they send you? I was in six different penitentiaries in those 10 years. Wow. Started off in Atlanta. They went to FCI Edgefield, South Carolina.

Okay, it doesn't matter. Let me ask you this. Everywhere. What is your least favorite memory of all your prison time? Was there a time in which you were threatened? perhaps, you know, you drop the soap or anything like that. Did someone try to take advantage you? Because you do have a nice, fat ass on you.

You would be a good bottom. I, yeah, I had two correctional officers handcuffed me and put my head under water. Oh, wow. Toil water? No, it was out in the yard. It had rained that night. There was about how much water. Why did they do that?

They had their knee on my neck underwater because I wouldn't cuff up. And so it was Operation as Lieutenant, two correctional officers took me down and put my head in the water until I finally. to write about all this, dude. You have to write a little tiny book and then go through it and figure out what's jokes and what's not. Yeah, I mean, it's... You can perform in prisons. Yeah, people told me, you know, you could write jokes about this, but if I guess from

my side, I've yet to see the funny part of so much of that. Yeah, that's what's interesting. You know, there's a lot of people when they first start there that way. I have one friend, for example, that when he first started, he didn't want to talk about the speech impediment that he had because he's been dealing with it, his entire life. And I'm like, you don't get it. You have to do it.

Months and months and months and months and months. And then a couple years went by. And then he really started talking about it. And he's had a career ever since. He's where he works continuously. He did a fucking baseball stadium last week. Talking about the great Josh Martin, Kiltoni legend, one of the first producers of the show.

And you'll feel like a real comic then I feel like. Yes. You have something of value. And it's very therapeutic for you. It's going to help you get over that time and utilize it. You can turn all that prison time and all that negativity into a true positive by having your own voice and brand. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, Camden Pace.

On to the next one we go. Very interesting. Come back again sometime, Camden. There goes Camden. And here's music from the band that plays when someone's done performing. Yay. Fucking awesome. There's only a 14 and a half minute long segment there.

Totally makes sense that the band wouldn't be present. Gonna be honest, it's hard to tell when you want us to play and not to play on the show. It's very, very easy. It's been the same ever since. It's when the comedians come up and when they go down, other than the two regulars. Unless Tony's already talking to somebody, like when William was over and he was in mid-conversation, of course you wouldn't want to. Now, during the interview part, there wouldn't be songs. There wouldn't be singing unless it's a short, quick, very funny thing.

There wouldn't be musical parts then. And then when they're done, you would play. and when I pull another name out of the bucket you'd play, which I'm going to do right now. So I think you know this. I think we could all just keep it down a little bit. It's been years. What do you mean you don't know when to play?

Like, okay. That's a real conspiracy theory there. Very excited to pull another name out of the bucket. Here we go. The name that I have pulled out goes by the name of Bobby Ludlow, everybody. Bobby Ludlow. Here we go. Like an eagle, let that spirit carry me.

Hey, it's Bobby Ludlow, everyone. Hello, hey, how's going? My name is Bobby. I talked to aliens, but I think they muted me. People say I sound like Mitch Headberg. I'm not as funny as Mitch Headberg was, but funnier than he is now. All right.

For $10, you can get one gram of weed or 40 quarters worth, depending on how you look at it. I'm writing a sitcom about a narcissistic Asian. He has a speech impediment. It's called Everything is Wong. Rape whistles do not work underwater.

I almost drown. We need to fix this. Dolphins rape. Only the good die young. I'm sorry, Grandma, about that. They say that you block out traumatic memories as a child. I hardly remember being told I was adopted

the first time. But the second time, I found spray paint before I was prescribed riddling. We used to play a game called Become a Ninja School. We weren't good at naming games because we were high, huffing paint. There you go. There's a minute from Bobby Ludlow. Like an eagle. Unto the sea.

Hey, fly like an eagle. Let that spirit carry me. Welcome to the show, Bobby. Hey, thank you, Tony. How are you? Where are you from? I'm from Pomona originally. but I've been kind of traveling all over the place for a while.

Okay. Stuck in a little desert town for the last. Ugh, too long. Wow, what little desert town? Rich Crest, California. It's a Navy kind of affiliate. Is that near 22 Palms? 29 close.

Yeah, 29 Palms. On the way to a mammoth, kind of a thing you drive past. Right. Okay. What made you set up shop out there? I got drug out there by my family, basically. Everyone either goes there for the Navy or, like, my grandpa had, health problems, so we went out there for the weather. Okay. What kind of health problems did

grandpa have? He was just getting old. He couldn't remember shit. Right. Okay. So now you live out in the middle of nowhere. How do you keep yourself busy out there? What do you do for work? Right now I'm doing like construction, mostly tiling, bathroom, showers, floors. Okay. Awesome. And what do you do for fun? For fun. I'm doing all kinds of stuff. Dirtboarding, skateboarding. Dirtboarding? Oh my goodness. Dirtboarding. You go down like dirt hills. Right, right. On boards.

I just got into it. So it's just like skateboarding, but with bigger, like, aired up wheels. Wow, this is exciting. That's like, uh, that's like fucking white trash golf right there, dirtboarding. Dirtboarding is like a classy fucking sport up there in Ridgecrest. Uh, you have friends that you dirtboard with? No, no one. No one does anything.

Yeah. It's a very lonely sport out there, dirtboarding. But you have fun with it. Yeah. I think recently I was the first person probably, I think, to skateboard down the, California aqueduct. Oh, wow. How far did you go down the aqueduct? 60 feet. Oh, my goodness. Probably. I don't know. Not that far. Wow. Wow. What's your love life like? Do you have yourself a little little country girl out there in the middle of nowhere? Someone, some little white trash girl.

Oh, you know, actually I moved into a trailer recently so I could get laid more. God damn right. How's that working out for you? It's all right because the wife's still in the main house. Oh, okay. Look at that. How long you've been married for? Actually, not even really married, but we've been together probably like on and off, like 14 years. On and off. 14 years. When you say on and off, what caused some of those breakups that you went through? Prison.

Oh, you went to prison too. Look at this. This is a very special episode of jail Tony. I know this show's becoming just... This is very exciting. This is the clientele that's willing to come do this show during a pandemic. It's a very, very high-quality people, you know. What was it? Grand Theft Auto?

No, no. I was drunk. I was like basically the first like 21 years of my like conscious life I just spent as a selfish just piece of junk. And now and now you're sober? Yeah, two and a half years, almost three years sober. Look at that. Very cool. Look at that. How do you, how do you stay sober? What helps you? Don't drink alcohol. Oh, I like that. That's a very simple way of doing. That's a very, I live in a trailer way of thinking. I like that. And so you dirtboard, what else? What else are we talking about here? I've been hanging out on Discord a lot lately. Okay. With the Kill Tony people.

Oh, cool. You guys shout out. Shout out to the Discord. Absolutely. And so 14 years on and off, are you guys still having sex? You and the what you call a wife? Yeah. How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom?

I'm real inventive. Like how? Like costumes and like. What kind? What kind of costumes have you worn recently? Recently. I'm a dinosaur. Recently I tried to do like a Will Smith.

I felt bad for him after the whole Jada Pinkett. Oh shit. I tried to come in all fresh prints. Blackface? No, just this fun hat with the little box. I fell dirtboarding. Wait, you did role play as Will Smith? Yeah, just to like boost his ego.

Hey, just came in from a cab all the way from Philly. Oh, man, did that guy smell you later? Like that? Yeah. Or was it like men in black? What Will Smith are we talking about? It seemed like... Wild Wild West.

Wild Wild West. The worst will. Yeah. So you come in as Will Smith. Who is she? Good question. So she takes turns being... DJ Jazzy Jazz.

She takes turns being lots of things probably. I don't know. Say that again? She probably takes turns with like being a lot of things in my head. So like give us an example. You come in with a spinny hat. And she's laying in the bed, right? She's like, I want a ham six, Bobby.

And then you come in from another room with a spinny hat, and what do you say? I say, West Baltimore, born and raised. That art school is where I was playing. Okay. All right. All right. There you go. I mean, I like what he's doing.

Yeah. Will Smith. What else? Give us some more examples. He's a character. So basically, yeah, just trying to surprise her with things, like, put little notes in her bag and in her clothes so she reads them all day with like little sexy saying.

Aww. Like what? Like I'm going to rip your bra off as soon as you come through the door or something, you know? Just like little sweet things. And then you also live in the trailer so you can fuck other bitches too? Yeah, these are jokes. Mostly jokes.

Right. Mostly jokes. Very, very interesting. Not here, but like the trailer jokes kind of. Yeah, absolutely. What's your favorite beverage? Surge, Mountain Dew. I wish I had any beverage right now.

My favorite beverage would be like anything. Anything. This lip is stuck to this tooth. Is that true? They're becoming friends. I don't like it. Wow. Ridgecrest problems.

That's what we call that right there. Bobby. Oh, that's privilege. All that dirtboarding. Oh, the PG gay tour hooked me up. Look at that. I'm just kidding. Whoa.

Oh, shit. You brought you water and you call him the PG gay tour? You woke Stephen Dragon over here. He's not going to let that slide like a dirt board. So Bobby. How long have you been on stand-up comedy? First time. Wow.

First time ever. Look at you. How old are you, Bobby? I'm 33. 33 years old. And is this something you've always wanted to do? It is. I did a little bit of improv, and I did, like, some theater stuff a long time ago.

But then I was just drunk. Just plays, like Shakespeare. Can you be a drunk dad? Yeah. I'm not drunk. What do you mean it's morning? I don't care. Where's mom?

That's how you play a drunk dad. Where the fuck's Camden pace at? You see that Camden? Take notes from Bobby Ludlow. How long has your dad been selling propane and propane accessories? Damn it, Bobby. Oh. Well, Bobby, so much fun to have you on.

Very, very, very smooth performance, you know. I would definitely, you know, you acknowledged Mitch Headberg, and then you sort of did a little bit of like very Mitch Headberg style. I would try to really, you know, tap into you. You're a super likable guy. You're very charismatic, right? Yeah, I definitely think that you have a lot of potential. I think that you, especially for your first time doing stand-up, you had some great jokes.

Your perspective, you have to own it. You know what I mean. You know that you live in a trailer. You know that you go dirtboarding. You know what you are. Ride it out. That's not Mitch Heedberg at all. You're your own thing.

Just because you're a Mitch Headberg fan doesn't mean that you have to, you know, write and perform along that type of pathway. Ladies and gentlemen, what is it the last name again? Ludlam. Ludlam. Ladies and gentlemen, that's Bobby Ludlam. His Kill Tony debut, his stand-up debut. Yeah.

You know, before we get to our next comedian, why don't we check in on the sensual and sexual stylings of the great William Montgomery. Let's see what his new outfit looks like. Here he comes. Where's William at? Here comes William Montgomery. Here he comes.

He's coming out. Wow. Look at this. There he is. Did someone order a tree stump? A tree stump delivery man is here. A guy wearing. Okay.

Dude, this guy looks like Uncle Herschel off the menu. Yeah, Uncle Herschel is one of the items at Crack. barrel if you knew anything about cracker barrel yeah unlimited biscuits and gravy this guy is dressed like a young caramel macchiato very exciting is that from the kid oh cool there was a little weed in there my goodness people just shipping weed very excited oh blood blood in the bag there you go that's not as exciting as a blunt look at how he's standing william you this is a that's a power stand this is a new segment he's very very sensual. He's very sensual. Are you getting this, you bit?

Yeah. Oh my goodness. William's yelling. He's double D jointed. William, you look like if Bigfoot had small feet. Whoa. Ryan J. E. Bell, I don't think I've ever seen him laugh so hard at a joke. Then the Bigfoot small feet joke that Joel just did. This is incredible. Loves a good Bigfoot joke. Yeah, you liked it a lot.

Hey, how's the Burrack? stock market this season. What size shoe do you wear, William? You sort of do have tinier feet than I would expect for a larger man like yourself. That's not a 12 and a half. You're lying. That's a 45. That's not a 12 and a half.

Jeremiah wears a 13. Okay. I'll allow it. His toenails are the longest part of his foot. He'd wear an 11 if he trimmed his toenails. All right, there he goes. William Montgomery, everybody. And now it's time for me to bring up his cohort in crime on the hit podcast Brothers and Curse of the other regular on this show.

Unbelievable joke writer. Very, very, very, very strategic surgical roast star. Ladies and gentlemen, this is David Lucas. There he is. Here's a David Lucas. If you drink White Claw, I'm convinced you'll suck a dick. White Claw is white people's Hennessy. They love that shit.

Cleavage on women is sometimes better than seeing their actual titty. Like cleavage be looking so good and then a girl take her bra off and that shit looked like it was put in a blender. What the fuck happened to your tinnies, bitch? I like big ariolas on the girl. Like if your ariola don't look like a McDonald's sausage

Patty, don't come holler at me. And if my tities are bigger than yours and you try to fuck me, I don't respect you. I'm not wearing a condom. And after we finish fucking, I'm going to throw the condom on your back like a uno card. I'm convinced that women get fake tities

for other women. No man gives a fuck how a titty looks. Do you know how many fucked up tities guys suck on? Like the other day I sucked on the girls' titty. I don't know. There we go. Yeah. There you go.

David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Jesus. Really on the high register on the horns on that one. I get that fucking police, police funeral music. What song was that? Bridge over troubled water, Simon and Garfunkel. I love it.

The saddest shit they don't play tonight. They play it for me. Nick, I thought a police was being buried the way they was playing that shit. 21 Gun Salute after that. Go back to Red Band's pre-recorded soundboard. Let's go to the songs that he can just access rather than use the live band.

Oh, shit. I'm just saying. It doesn't matter. Forget. Right, bro. Old white woman's funeral. I was confused. You said you don't like wearing condoms,

but when you're done fucking with her, you're going to throw it on her back. Did I say that today? Yeah. No, I didn't. Yeah, you just did. Wait, say, what do you say? I said if my tities are bigger than yours.

No, no, no. You said, you said, I refuse to wear a condom and then he said but when I'm done fucking I'm I pull it on the back and flip that's a joke I've done before you did tonight you just did it no I'm pretty sure I did what do you think you said the joke that I said is

if my tities are bigger than yours I don't respect you if you try to hook up with me after I'm done fucking you I'm gonna throw the condom on your back like a uno card right I swear you said you didn't like condoms awesome before that I don't like condoms but that is nobody likes

condoms no one's like I can't wait to Put on this condom. I said not wearing condos tonight. And then you said, then you're going to throw it on her back. And I was like, wait, that makes that. I probably did. I don't know. I'm not wearing a condom.

And after we finish fucking, I'm going to throw the condom on your back like a uno card. This is the inception of podcast right now. I can't remember what level. This is the inception of podcast right now. I've had a couple of drinks. There you go. The cleavage joke was a banger. It really was.

And it's very true. Sometimes you see the middle of that chest. And it's like, wow, look at the fun that's going to be had here. And then all of a sudden it takes a turn for the worst. Sometimes the ariolas, you know, they look like a, you know, a bad, like a tie-dye t-shirt or something like that. Or she pulling them titties out and they hang in like a black man in 1960. Oh, my God. Well, I don't ever really say that.

Well, that is your joke. I can say that. I didn't say the N-word tonight. No, that's good. That's good. Very good. Versatile. As a woman, I will say, I didn't realize that there's so many different kinds of boobs out there.

Oh, it's truly unbelievable. It's unbelievable. There's many things that can go wrong with boobs. Sometimes they point different directions. Sometimes ones, you know, and by the way, sometimes it's hot. Sometimes an offset of a boob is adorable on a girl. Sometimes it's frightening. Sometimes, you know, it's perfect.

Sometimes it's not so perfect. Also, real shit, bro. I like smaller things. titties. Yeah. Because when a girl on top, they don't be beating you up and shit, you know what I'm saying?

What do you mean? You're sick of getting hit in the face by massive boobs? That's the kind of life you have. This girls be having. How old are the women that you're dating where they're just hitting you in the face every time they're on top of hiding? You get a 26-year-old to have one kid

that got some big knockers that will... You're absolutely right. Sometimes, sometimes it's not about the banger, it's about the hanger. That's what I always say. Thank God cock and balls. Always perfect. Sometimes things...

It does never look weird. No, there's some weird cock and balls. There are, right? Yeah. It can be out there. What's something that you've seen that scared you? Well, personally, I prefer not to deal with a foreskin. Right.

Four! There we go. Perfect. Right. Right. Four skin's a thing that's out there for some people. they have to deal with that. I mean, you are born with it.

You know, it's not an extra part or anything. Oh, Joel's got the four skin, huh? You got the old, you got the old fucking, you got the old, the five skin where I'm from, dude. You got the old wet burrito back there, huh? Girls that get- Dude, he's got the five skin, the mole skin. Girls say that shit feel much better though.

Thank you. They say that it feels better with four-skinned. Yeah. To each their own. I say that too. How could it possibly feel better? Because you got like, you know, so you need to come fast.

than you already do? Like, why would you want that? I want to cut more off my dicks, you know. I'm not, I said women. What? All I'm saying is, Brian, next time you buy something, throw some of the parts away, why not? He has fat rolls around his dick. No, I'm just saying that people always say that, hey, it feels better.

Like, I don't need it to feel any better. It feels great as it is. You got a fupa? What? Brian's got everything. He's got every extra accessory. It's like his e-bike down there. He's got everything extra cooking.

And fucking, he's got a headlight down there. Like I keep saying, can't nobody fuck better than a fat dude that's in decent shape. Oh, there you go. You got the, you got the, I mean, you guys are both halfway there, it seems. I'm in better shape than red band. I don't know. I don't know. Can you suck your own dick because red band can't.

Well, pre-coron. Red band can't out. I know for a fact, Red band. I know for a fact, Red band can't get me in push-ups. No, probably not That's absolutely true He just gave up Is there any

Red Band? Let me ask you this Is there any physical competition At all of any kind That you think you can beat David Lucas Definitely e-biking Oh, look at that You don't want to race

You don't want to live in I will outforskin all of you Yeah, that's it bro That's you're not going to get me in any That's fun What else is going on in your world David Lucas? Shit had wrestling practice today

with grappling practice. I was supposed to have a match Sunday to do kind of like didn't want to wrestle me. You wrestle with Jay Moore on Friday, right? Yeah, I tapped him with a fucking Chase Moore. You don't know why you kids that think you're

wrestling keep talking about tapping people. That's not wrestling. I tap, no, I do catch wrestling, so you have submissions in catch wrestling. I guess so. Yeah, it's kind of like Brazilian jiu jit. It's basically Brazilian jiu jiu jitsu. So you have submissions in catch wrestling

so you can submit somebody. Are they like rounds? Like, what do you be talking about? So in a catch wrestling match, you'll probably wrestle like three people, 10 minute rounds each. One round per person? One round per person. Ten minutes straight, no breaks? No breaks, but, you know, if you submit them or tap them or pin them is a long time.

Yeah, it's very long. Well, you try. That's what Josh Barnett does. Yeah, you try to tap them or pin them before the 10 minutes is up. You just get 10 minutes. Sure, yeah, yeah. I've never went 10 minutes. 10 minutes is a very long time.

That's a long as time, man. Yeah. Okay. Well, David, fun times. I'm excited that you're getting exercise. Oh, yeah. And I'm also headlining in Miami, November the 13th through the 16th. Oh, that's awesome.

Hit me up, y'all. Very exciting. And also everybody who follows Brothers in Cursef and also follows Killed. Tony makes you sign up for our Patreon. Patreon.com slash brothers podcast. We, Red Band and Janice have cooked up so much stupid shit for us to do, bro. That's like. It's very exciting.

I donated my foreskin if they get enough subscribers. There you go. I saw you guys eating hot foods on it. Bro, that's only, that's like bottom level. The shit that they are submitting us to now is luck. That's very exciting. I wore makeup on the whole episode, bro. I hope my mom never sees it.

Very excited. David, you're amazing. We love you, the great David Lucas, everybody. There he goes. David. Lucas. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Okay.

Thank you guys. Thank you. See, that's when we don't know Is like if you are, when you're saying the name, do we keep playing or would you like us to reset? Nope. Nope. You got it.

It's very, very simple. And it's been this way for years. Pull it on the name out of the bucket. Makes some noise for your next comedian, Eric G. So now you would play. Here we go with music. Okay, Eric G, everybody. Beautiful.

It's great to be here. for this capacity crowd here at the Comedy Store. And it's been great. I've been doing a lot of Zoom comedy. Zoom comedy. It's interesting. It's been giving comedians all across America a unique opportunity that terrorists have been wanting to do for decades.

Because Zoom comedy is giving comedians the opportunity to bomb in multiple states simultaneously. But it's been entertaining. It's been entertaining to watch. But speaking of entertaining, we all been home watching a lot of TV. Netflix, we're all running out of good shows to watch. Don't worry, I heard they're coming out with a new season of the real world. MTV just finished it.

It's coming out next season. J'all hear about this? See the preview? It's Real World Special Edition 2020. Seven strangers pick to live in a house. Live together and have their lives taped. No one has a job and one of them has COVID. Let's see what happens when people stop being real and start being locked down.

Thanks, I'm Eric G. There's Eric G. There's a little stinger from the band. There is, Eric G. Welcome to the show, Eric. How are you? I'm fucking awesome. I love it.

Best day in my life. I love it. Well, welcome to the show. It's very exciting. We all remember you having being two-face at the end of one of the Batman movies, and now your face is back to normal. What is that guy's name? Aaron Eckhart.

What was his name? Aaron Eckhart. Aaron Eckart. But his character. was the mayor, right? It was on. Harvey Dent. What was that, Ryan? District attorney and his name was.

Harvey Dent, of course. That's what I was trying to think of. I'll take it. Thank you for smoking, too. You were talking for 50 seconds after the start of your set, and I was trying to think of Harvey Dent that entire time, and I gosh darn couldn't. I'm glad you're thinking of that the whole time I was talking.

You ever get that? From a lot of people. In fact, the host of the Zoom mic that I did the first time, he goes, yeah, it's good to have Harvey Dent. I'm going to do comedy. Yeah, you really, really truly look like Harvey Dent. How does that make you feel? Beautiful.

He's a good-looking guy. I'll take it. How old are you? Some guy outside told me, he goes, you're too good-looking to be doing comedy. I'm like, I'll take it, bro. I can't imagine how hideous that guy must be. He's outside right now. Shout out, buddy, you're beautiful.

On the outside. It's a pretty. What are you doing here? Yeah, you already got enough going for you. Yeah, exactly. So, Eric, tell us more about you. Where have you been all this time? So I live in San Diego?

and something interesting about myself. I'm going to ride my bicycle for Miami to San Diego in 14 months. Wow. Not an e-bike, Red Band. You should try it. It would be a lot easier. People suggest that. They're like, you should get one of those electronic bikes.

It would be way easier. Or a motorcycle. Or a car. A lot of things. A lot of things would be easier. Really, a lot of things would be easier than a pedaling bicycle. Redband, how many things? How many times do you think you'd have to charge?

Every 100 miles. A long time. For how long? How long does it take for that to charge from zero to 100? I got a fast charger, so it takes about 20 minutes. Whoa, 20 minutes, and then you get another 100 miles. Wow. And I have two batteries.

My goodness. There you go, man. Wow. I got two batteries out here, man, my Chevro legs. Yeah. Are you doing it for any reason, like a charity or something? So I'm on the board of a nonprofit and doing it to raise a half a million dollars for a medical clinic built it in Haiti.

Oh, very cool. Yeah, so a bike, I've done it a lot of endurance sports, and then long story short, we built this medical clinic in Haiti with some friends of mine after the earthquake and then biking and philanthropy and all these crazy ideas mixed up in one. I was like, I'm going to ride a bicycle from Miami to San Diego.

Hater's going to Haiti. Bingo. That's right. Don't hate the Haiti. Hate the game. Exactly. Very exciting stuff. What's something that you've done before

that takes? takes high endurance. High endurance. Well, something that's fun, just something that comes to mind and part of what I speak to young people about, I used to be a super fat kid.

Wow, really? How fat are we talking? We're about a deuce, deuce and a half. Wow, $2.50. My goodness.

I was a big boy, and I liked a party. Look at that. So how did you? At my party, I mean, sit at home every Friday night, eat a whole pizza to myself.

Wow. Yeah, it was great. That's exciting. I do some jokes about fat camp. I did fat camp for four years. Four years. Four years.

You did you four years in Fat Camp. Oh, yeah, locked up. So what does that mean exactly? What do they do at Fat Camp? Tell us about this. It means it's a lot like prison. It's great. There's a lot of subtle similarities.

This is great. And don't get me wrong. Shout out Camp Shane. That's not Camp Shame. Camp Shane. You should probably change it, right? Yeah, right? It was close.

People say that all the time. It's like, do they shame you have it? So tell us about Fat Camp. It's like normal camp. I did a summer camp before that. It's like a normal camp, but literally just full of fat kids and a lot less food. High walls, real high walls Because kids are trying to escape and shit

So do people like order things Or like try to sneak around like that's like You know in rehab clinics I hear that there's a lot of drugs That go on there There are people like sneaking smuggling foods in Things like that You're talking about the fucking black market Oh yeah

African American market We would say where there's a will there's a way And where there's a fat kid he will pay Wow That's the truth So what are what have some of the things things that you snuck into. For real.

Tell us of what you snuck into fat camp. Tell us about some like binges that you went on. So I didn't fuck around with any of the big things, but I had, I was so, I legit sold gum. That was a gum guy. Wow. What kind of gum guy? Oh my goodness. I'm trying.

I'm brand loyal. You said it was like, I would say four to five dentists recommend you pay me $5 for that pack of gum or get the fuck out of my bunk. Flynn? Now you said it was like a prison. Was there lemon bars? on the window? We wish. We wish. No, there was like, they

search your shit occasionally or at high walls because like kids would this is comedy if a kid would show up to Fat Camp. But his parents wouldn't tell me he was going to Fat Camp. Oh my God. So now all of a sudden there's just this giant fat crying kid. It was like, you know that scene in Shawshank Redemption? Yeah. When all the new fish come in,

exactly like that. Wow. So yeah, but no, it was great. I had a great time. Lost weight. But like prison too, it's like a system, right? You lose weight, but they don't teach you how to be healthier. Yeah. It's co-ed, right?

Yeah. And also, yeah. It just kind of starve you for like a week or two, right? Basically. You're in there for like three weeks, six weeks, nine weeks. You lose weight. You stay for four years? I don't understand.

Wait back. Oh, repeat offender. I lost like 200 pounds in fact camp over four years. Oh, my God. Just from crying. Right? I gained back the weight in between. Oh, my God.

cycle they get you in so you see their buddies the next year you'll be like what you're in for man god now is your diet different obviously I mean other than you you know riding your bikes and shit like that now you like super open red man that I'm like he still eats mac and cheese and he looks good right no I'm just fine

no I do a lot of vegetables how about bacon wrapped cream cheese stuffed jalapeno at 3 a.m you ever do that that's a plan tonight how old are you I'm 32 two days ago but not just ate for my birthday a fucking giant thing of mac and cheese.

You really did? Shout out to my girlfriend. Yeah, for real. Wow. I'm a fat kid at heart, man. I will eat. I'll prove it. Give me one of those meatas pizzas.

I understand completely. I just never gotten fat. I just eat like a fat kid all the time. We respect you. You get that little belly though. You know what it's so funny. A photo came up on Facebook, you know, where it says your memories and it was like me, you.

I think Jeremiah and Josh Martin were standing in the middle of the highway. And you have the biggest little pot belly. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, probably. I mean on the road, you know what I mean? Like, and that only lasts, like, literally about an hour or two. You poop and then it's gone.

It really. It really does. Like, it'll just sit there for a second if I eat fucking in and out with cheese sauce and animal style. But it immediately just consumes itself. I know you've heard this before, but there's like millions of fat people listening just fucking hating you right now. No, I get it. Do it. Do it. I eat eight Z-D for breakfast the other day.

I mean, I'm a goddamn animal. I mean, talking about fat camps could be really funny. Yeah. There's so much there. I think that's a great subject for you to explore. And just the way that you're talking about Fat Camp, you just seem like I got a chance to hear the real you more. And the interesting thing is you're such like the blatant thing about you is that you're a good looking guy.

You have a bunch of like skin that you keep tucked in your pants or something? Not that much. No, lose it slowly. This guy is four skin on his body. Yeah, I got a foupa just tucked in with four skin. No, I'm just, I lost it slowly. So how long did it take you to lose the skin? Four years to lose the weight, but the skin.

Well, it was a funny thing. I didn't like lose, I lost weight at like fat camp. I was still, this is the harsh thing. So I was from New York. I had to go to extra skin camp. I was from New York. I lost a bunch of weight at fat camp. I moved to California.

And I was like, all confident. I'm like, I just lost a bunch of weight. And I moved to California. And I was instantly the fattest kid in my ninth grade class. Oh, shit. Yeah. Got to go back to New York where I'm just medium fluff. Right.

But, yeah. No, I do it in my stand up. and we had about a fat camp and it was great though it's good times I love it man well this is very exciting go ahead Flynn I'm curious you said it was around

8th 9th grade what's the oldest age at this fat camp so it was young kids all the way from up to like 17 18 so do you think that some of the campers were sexually active during this time 100% oh wow you got late at fat camp

huh I did it was a meat market you put all these desperate horny fat gets together in just a matter of time. Oh my God. Slapping skin and, oh, it was brutal. The only thing you could eat there was pussy. Exactly. Hello there.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, so it was that it was pretty wild. Lots of, lots of first. All right. Lots of first at Fat Camp. Little Debbie, get over here. Hey, now.

Dude, I dated a ho-ho or two. Yeah, you're goddamn right. Get over here. Aunt Jemima. Oh. Give me that twanky. Every day. Every day.

We would talk about food like you talk about sex, though. Like, oh, damn it, yes. Oh, what I would give. Sarah Lamshanks. All right. Well, this has been a lot of fun. Come back again sometimes. I appreciate you.

Hey, shout out to Tony and the whole crew and being an inspiration of rising comedians everywhere. We appreciate y'all. Thank you, Eric. That's very nice. There you go. Very nice, man. G, everybody.

Jesus is our friend. I know that one. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, your final comedian of the night out of the bucket goes by the name of Christy Bellich, everybody. Here we go. Here she is.

It's Christy Bellich. Perfect, thank you. Global warming's a thing. We all know this because retarded, Nazi, Greta Wild Thornberry told us that it is. But I was wondering if global warming is something else. I wonder if it's just Mother Earth going through menopause. And the Pleistazone period or wherever where there were giant ferns and Jesus rode

T-Rexes to church was literally the time when she was actually going through her period. And now we fuel our cars with the spooge period blood of Mother Earth herself that reigns upon us when we fuel our cars, you know. And maybe that's why there's a psychedelic movement going on because Earth is sending out signals because she wants us to get conscious because she wants us to build better spaceships and move to Mars with Dad.

She's like, fuck you, get these Chick-fil-A wrappers on the ground, get out of here, you never did anything for me anyway. So that's my joke. Fuck yeah, exactly a minute. Christy Belich. There it is. Christy, I loved that performance. Very enthralling.

Very, very charismatic. You took us on a trip. You were lost in your set there, and it feels good when watching someone that doesn't look like they're thinking or trying to find words or looking at their notes. I mean, you really gave a true performance there. And very, very awesome. Remind us, how long you've been doing stand-up comedy? Six years.

Six years. All of it here in Los Angeles? No, East Coast, New York City, Maryland, and the road. Very cool. Absolutely. Awesome stuff. Did this go better than your last time? You've been on the show once before during this pandemic.

Yeah, I was on, but I did not get my minute. I went over the minute. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Okay. And tell us more about you, Christy. Remind us of your backstory a little bit.

I'm a former primate researcher from Baltimore, Maryland. I worked for the Department of Defense under contracts. I was supposed to be a veterinarian, but I ended up here instead. And I'm an astrologer by day. Whoa. Uh-oh. I love that. I'm into this.

You have any questions? You want her to astrologize you? Yeah. Go right ahead. What do I even ask? Oh, when's your birthday? April 19th? So you're an Aries.

Yeah. I'm a birdie. He's, does that mean anything to you right now? Well, I'm an Aries as well. You're a fire sign. What I feel, you're, you know, you're at the end of Ares, so you're probably like 28, 29 degrees of Ares.

So that kind of makes you sort of Torian as well. I'm a cusp. Sort of, yeah, your cusp sign. For Aries this year, we're going through something called Mars Retrograde, which will end on November. the 13th. That I know. Which is going to be kind of a difficult... Keep on. It's okay.

I like the music. But yeah, it'll be... It's going to be a difficult time for you, but it's regarding career. Obviously, we're all going through the COVID bullshit. But for Aries this year, it's up to us to, like, find our warrior, our... Kind of like our... What is it? Zina, the Princess Warrior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm a Gemini, June 8th.

Tell me what... Tell me what's going on with me. June 8th, you are... Same birthday as Kanye West. You're a mid-Gemini, so... It's the day Anthony Bourdain hung himself. That's a... Well, you're a very carmic person.

You're just not a Gemini. You're a little bit of something else. You're a deeper Gemini than other Gemini. You have... I agree. But also the North Node of Fate is going to take you into 2021. And I think the last time we did talk about, like, how... You know, your job is to help a community, but your job is to also change the voice of a community as well.

That's right. So with that, it's like the Kill Tony platform that you're bringing other people towards. You're going to have two different things because you're a Gemini. So that's true. That's one of the things. So did any of these horoscopes see COVID coming or what the fuck? Yeah. 2020 is the year of the Great Conjunction that starts on, you know, there's a couple of different ones.

January 12th, April 4th, June 30th, and then the next one coming up is November 12th, the day before Mars goes direct. What about a vaccine? What do you have for a vaccine coming out? Okay, so this gets into conspiracies and weird stuff that I saw on. I saw that, oh, fuck, your people are going to come after me. They're going to be like this. There is no my people.

We're split 50-50 here. This is a very centrist podcast. So the biotech industry is going to be pushed in the year of 2021 through 24, but because of the biotech industry, what they're going to start doing is gearing vaccines towards more

genetic markers, something called MRI markers, which so people who invest look at something called mesoblast because that's going to help you. But yeah, they're going towards more biogenic messenger

RNA markers. So I think it's like, they're changing. the game basically. Yes. What about August 4th? Oh, that's my mom's birthday. It's also Barack Obama. It's the best president of the world. And also...

In the whole wide railroad. And I think it's also the Queen of England. So you're a seven-degree Leo. Seven-degree, wait, wait, seven. Seven-eight-degree Leo. For you, with the compassion that you hold, the hardest part of you is having to cut away the people that sit on your on your on your um back if that makes sense no it's easy for me to do now but

yeah like the people that sit on the back of his e-bike is that way you're seeing are you seeing yeah just go over a bump real fast i see an electric motor on a bicycle i got it i see i see two unused pedals can you guess what my sign is you feel like a fiery speed Spirit. There's a lot of fire around. He is. He's a flaming homosexual. What are you looking in a mirror? I feel fire, but I don't know your sign right now. I'm a little nervous.

Yeah, it would be so cool if you did. I'm so nervous right now. Give her the sign. Tell her what you are. How about month? I need a little more. I'm skeptical. What's your sign? I'll do one. With astrology, what we do is we read birth charts. And when I read birth charts, I look at time. Yeah, she's not misclay. My birth chart is, no, I'm a Capricorn. You're wrong. He's like Capra Street corn, though, because he's Mexican. I'm December 15th.

Oh, you're the fire. Okay, so you're Sagittarius, your fire. So, okay, so Capricorn is where the year of the great conjunctions that we're going through right now are all in the sign of Capricorn, which is basically capitalism itself, which right now we're seeing the fall or change or transfer. Over 70% of the COVID cases in Los Angeles is Latino people. The Capricorns, if you will. And what about our Sagittarius friend Flynn over here? What do you got for him? So for you, Flynn, with your lime green shirt,

you're going to be experiencing eclipse cycles that began June 5th that are taking you through June and November of this year, end of November, early December, and through May of next year. And what that's doing is that's, basically re-magnitizing you and redirecting you because you're Sagittarius, you do have to take the full sleep into your own sort of, like, way. You're so, your journey. Wow.

Independent. I mean, like, I want to take mushrooms with her. Yeah, it sounds like fun. Like, get Reiki. That's all she does in the desert. You do eat a lot of mushrooms, correct? Yes. Absolutely.

She's like one of the Mario brothers over here. Aye, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could tell by her set, she does a lot of mushrooms. Yeah. And I loved every second of it. I loved every second of it, too. This is a very, very special segment. I think we need to get our horoscopes read on this show more often.

Yeah, we should start doing that. Get a little taste of our future. Yes. Got to lock you into a spot or something like that, like some type of monthly. How about the first Monday of every month from now on? How about that? I would love that. You'll come.

You'll do a minute and then you'll tell us our futures. Isn't there cards and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Bring your tarot deck. Yeah, bring something with you next time. How about a big hand for Christy Bella, everybody.

Really? Yeah. All right. So this is an exciting time. inviting is the night when Jesus was born.

That's it. That would be where it ends. Thank you. There you go. Okay. So, ladies and gentlemen, this is a very exciting time. This young man, who I'm going to bring out right now, just in a wild turn of events, had to go back home for a little bit to Wyoming,

and he sent us in his set this evening. You know him as my favorite comedian on the planet Earth, and truly one of my best friends and one of my favorite humans of any kind anywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, sending in a set, I present to. you the great, the one, the only, Michael Lairor. Amazing set by Michael Lights Out Lairor. And we did it again. That's another episode of Kill Tony, live from the world famous comedy store.

Make sure you check out everything Michael Lair at Michael Lairor Comedy.com. He is one of our favorite humans, and he will be back with us very soon. Hey, let's check out tonight's drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt. Here it is. Wow, look at all the golf happening. You got me and my back swing there. The band is golfers. Sarah Weinshank, Putten in the front.

Oh, yeah. That's accurate. Very, very cool. Unbelievable. The complexity of these prints. I feel like you could literally watch it increase every single week. Ryan J.E. Belt.com to check out every print, the limited edition T-shirts and everything else that he does.

He's absolutely incredible. How about a hand for Ryan J.E. Belt, everybody? And keep the applause. going for the great Kill Tony legend and icon. The great Sarah Weinshank was with us all night tonight. She is the host of the podcast Shank available absolutely everywhere. What else, Sarah? Follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Princess Shank.

That's Princess Like Normal. And then another S-H-E-N-K. I post jokes. I post my podcast, all that shit. Yep. Check it out. She's a legend. One of our favorites of all time.

How about a big hand for the leader of the band? Flynn, Jeremiah Watkins. He's got Jeremiah Wonders He's got eating breakfast with Jeremiah He always has an amazing guest Dan Soder I noticed Came out a couple weeks ago

Yeah Pete Holmes Yeah I have my debut one hour special Coming out on December 8th And you can pre-order it now On my website Jeremiah Watkins.com is through comedy dynamics And it'll be available on Apple TV

And Amazon and all that stuff There you go It's coming December 8th The debut one hour special From Jeremiah Woggins Hey, you know what I just noticed Is that that wasn't Veronica, that was Jetsky

Jesse Johnson the whole time. Hey, everybody, how's Jetsky? Brum-brum, rum, rum, rum, rum, Brum-brum-bram. She's Jetsky Johnson on everything's social media. She has brand new decorations. She has ornaments. They are anytime ornaments.

I'm putting them all over my Christmas tree. I have a couple cacti that they're hanging from right now. How many have you bought? I lost track. I've now bought nine of them. Wow. Yeah. It's incredible.

Absolutely is. And they all arrived. That means there's only about four left. Oh, my goodness. You only made 14. Wow. 24. Okay.

No, that's cool. But I really appreciate all your support. And check it out, Jetskyjohnson.com. Jetskyjohnson.com for those. They really are. They're super awesome, handmade. Every single part of the craft is made by the great Jetsky Johnson. He's been killing it in the window, killing it at stand-up comedy.

you're just so much fun and such a little positive firecracker here on Keltony. Speaking of firecrackers, you know who loves lighting off firecrackers are Latino people and Joel Bergberg Joel Jimenez was on drums all night tonight. How about a big hand for Joel?

He's mostly sorry on everything, social media. He also has mostly sorry the podcast. What else, Joel? Nothing. Love you guys. Stay safe. There you go. Chroma Chris has a new music video out. Make sure you check that out. Follow him on social media and all of that good stuff. What else? Red Band.

Check out Brothers and Cursef on Patreon. It's Brothers Podcast. Also, I do Brian Holtzman's podcast. He's a really funny guy. Holtzman. Tony's going to actually be doing his podcast tomorrow. Check it out, Desquod. Wednesday.

Wednesday, Desquad. TV. And I have a Patreon as well. Patreon.com slash Hinchcliff and a lot of fun stuff happening there. In fact, I just recorded a recent episode with the great Jeremiah Walkins. We talk about our entire history of roasting. I mean, this guy's been part of everything. Kill Tony, roast battle, historical roast, absolutely everything.

Very interesting that an unbelievable charactery, silly comedian has such a fluent roasting background. But that's what happens when you do all the shows. And you got your hands in all the cookie jars like this guy. Go ahead, Jeremiah. November 1st through 7th, I'll be in New York if you want to come catch me at a rooftop show. or something. I'll be making the rounds out there. And I am doing stand-up comedy in Dallas, Texas,

November 13th through the 16th. Those are all stand-up comedy shows, and I'm going to go spend some time in Texas. Maybe look around at some special places, November 13th through the 16th. Love me some Texas. I hope everybody had fun here tonight. Have a good night, y'all.