KILL TONY - KILL TONY #480

Episode Date: November 13, 2020

Benji Aflalo, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Jessie Johnson, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - 11/02/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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need to cozy up with a tea latte, there should be nothing stopping you from achieving all your goals. You've got this. Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show, and you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere that's death squad dot tv tony has his own website go to tony hinchcliffe.com there you have everything golden pony including his own tour dates and his merch that's tony hinchcliffe.com

ryan j ebelt he's the house artist he draws every episode and he sells prints of them or books. Go to ryanjebelt.com and pick up some cool Kill Tony stuff. And last but not least, the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe is shopsquad.tv. There you got some Death Squad hats, shirts, and you also got some Kill Tony shirts left. That's at shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up right, Tony Hinchman. Yeah, here we are again.

We're doing it again. It's another one. We're here. Feels like a strong crowd. It almost feels like it used to be. It almost feels like 600 people all at once. Or belly room. This is very exciting. We're just chasing a dragon here. It's real, real, real

fun. How are you, Brian Redband? Absolutely awesome. Absolutely awesome. That's good. I'm glad that you're awesome. Very, very exciting stuff happening. Hey, look, everybody. It's the great Ryan J. Ebeld. He draws every single episode.

Wow, look at him. There's the classic nod and point right to the camera that we love. He draws every episode of the show, every single tour poster, and a lot of the new cool designs for some cool shirts, limited edition shirts, and amazing, amazing every single episode. RyanJEBelt.com for those prints. He's been doing auctions. They've been doing really well.

He's absolutely killing it, and he's already, I believe, starting perhaps the outline of what could be tonight's episode. RyanJEBelt.com for that. And you know what? I've got to say, I am just filled to the brim with happiness because I have pizza up to the McGillicuddies of my skull thanks to our good friend Charlie from Vito's Pizza, everyone. What's your Ziti count for the week?

You know, it's funny you mention that. I'm actually a zero Ziti for the week. I went Ziti-less. I went cold turkey instead. And by that, I mean I got the cold turkey sandwich from Vito's Pizza. Nice. I didn't. They don't have a cold turkey sandwich.

But I got the Romeo. You do have a cold turkey? There we go. The Big Don. I'm going to try that next time. Is there a Vito's in Burbank? I don't believe there is. You should start seeing if you can get a special

Postmates or something like that I'm telling you it is so addicting it's absolutely incredible and Charlie's a great guy Grace over there it's an incredible team and it's one of my favorite Italian restaurants in all of LA it actually is my favorite it jumped everybody so Charlie's here

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I know that. I drink it all the time. It gives me so much energy. Sometimes I'll eat Vito's pizza, and, you know, you get the pizza buzz going on in your head, and I just take a couple sips of that caveman coffee, and it knocks everything right into position. So before we get started tonight with a very, very exciting episode,

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There's a few people here. I'm not gonna lie. People at home. There's a few people. There's the comedians. There's our people. You know what I mean. It's getting kind of hectic. We have a guest tonight, everybody. Very, very exciting stuff. I's our people. You know what I mean. It's getting kind of hectic. We have a guest tonight, everybody. Very, very exciting stuff. I love this guy. I do too. I mean, truly one of

my best friends in the world. This guy and I have been hanging out. We've been door guys. We were door guys here together 13 and a half years ago. Me and this guy. Just tearing tickets, letting people in, trying to do whatever we can to get three minutes or five minutes on the different stages around. And now we're both

paid regulars here at the Comedy Store. He travels all around the world. He's an annual writer for Comedy Central Rose. Also the creator and star of his own show, Alone Together. Ladies and gentlemen, one of my best pals in the world, it's the great Benji Aflalo, everybody. Here he is. Here comes Benji. Wow, there he is. Hi, Benji. Hello. How's it going, man?

I'm so happy to be here. I know, it's exciting, right? I haven't been here in months. I know, it feels like the old days. It feels cleaner here. It is cleaner. It feels like the old days. It feels cleaner here. It is cleaner. It feels cleaner. You can feel it.

And you look so much buffer. I'm buff now. What do you do? I lift heavy weights. Oh, yeah. That's the trick. I was just telling my friend the other day, the one thing that I'm missing is heavy weights. I'm losing muscle mass very, very quickly because that's the only type of lifting that I like to do.

Heavy. Heavy. Yeah. Come with me. I think a lot of reps are for the ladies. It wears down your joints, too, for no reason. You've been lifting a lot of these papers, though. Look at how many papers you have. That's right.

That's what I have to do. All the on it kettlebells are sold out, so I'm stuck lifting piles of paper. Okie dokie. So we have Benji, and Benji, you've been a guest on this show numerous times, and you know that there's a band on this show, correct? Heck yes. And you know that every single episode they commit to being different characters, and that we never know what they're going to be.

I saw it backstage. Oh, you saw them already? I peeked. Wow, look at you, you sneaky little devil. But we don't know what they're going to be. And it might be new characters that we have never seen before. It might be the return of some old classic characters. And we're all going to find out together right now who the band is tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best damn band in the land.

It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Chroma Chris, and Jesse the Jet Ski Johnson. Wow. Wow. This is very exciting. Lots of flannel. I do believe this might be truck drivers. I have a feeling that these might be truck drivers.

I got it? Yeah. Look at this guy. You don't seem like you would be a great truck driver, sir. What's your name? My name is Rustin Fields. Rustin Fields. And how long have you been driving trucks for? 32 years, Tony.

18 wheelers? Yeah, 18 wheelers. Do you have cerebral palsy or something? What's that limp? I got some hip problems. Sometimes I can't feel the right side of my body. And then also I've been blind for 20 years.

Oh my god, you're blind. You guys might not be able to see at home. Can you lift that hat up a little bit and maybe we could, maybe look at that camera with the red light there. Maybe we could see. Can you zoom in a little bit? He's literally blind.

David, you know how to zoom in, right? Lift your hat up a little bit there, Rustin. Oh my God. Oh my goodness. He's completely blind. That's ridiculous. How do you drive trucks like that? It's a seven cents I got. Oh my goodness. He's completely blind. That's ridiculous. How do you drive trucks like that? It's a seven cents I got.

Oh my God. Have you ever hit anything? Oh, no, no. Okay. Oh, that's awesome. Well, nice to meet you, Rustin Wheels. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight. Look at this.

Is this a female truck driver? Yeah, that's right. What are you, a female? Me? Jesus. I thought I was a guest on this show. Toot toot, you little bitch. Okay.

Okay, all right, all right. What's your name? Listen, they call me Whore Wheeler. And let's just say I call an oversized load a load. She's never taking a load on too big. She likes cum. Thank you. Thank you, Rustin Wheels.

All right. And we have another little truck driver back here. Seems very polite, like he rides in the back of the cab sometimes. But you drive trucks? Yep. Full license, CDL license driver, Tony. Wow. You said license like three times out of six words.

That is correct. What's your name? My name is Finn, Finn Diesel. Is it Finn, Finn Diesel, or is it? Finn, with an F. F-I-N Diesel. Okay. And then back here we have absolutely what appears to be a Latino type of truck driver.

100% Caucasian. Oh. What's your name? My name's Truck Norris. Truck Norris. We have Truck Norris, Finn Diesel, Whore Wheeler? Yeah, you got it right, buddy.

Why would they call you that? She's a whore. Yeah, what don't you get? And I drive trucks. They made all those cumload jokes. I thought it was all pretty clear. Some stuff ain't nuanced, Tony. It just is what it is.

Four-wheeler rhymes with four-wheeler, and I don't see how a four-wheeler... Because those other dicks I'm sucking are the four-wheelers that I'm not driving. Okay, all right, all right. And we got Rustin Wheels, blind as a bat, never been in an accident in his life, Benji Aflalo, ready to go.

Red Banner and his big wacky soundboard. So let's start tonight's show. You guys ready for this? I'd like to give a special shout out to a couple people in tonight's audience. Because I don't know if I got to do this last week, but I'm going to do it this week for sure. Ladies and gentlemen, here in this audience, two people that were at episode one of Kill Tony seven and a half years ago before we traveled the world,

before we started selling out the main room every Monday in an unprecedented maneuver. Lainey and Jerry are here, everybody. Look at them. I think one of seven people that were in the audience our first episode. Yeah, absolutely incredible. And they come every single week since.

And they just started coming back. They, you know, it's just super cool. Because they're, you know, they're a little bit, I don't know, I don't want to say they're older, but they're not like the youngest people in the room, that's for sure. You know, it takes a real set of balls to come out nowadays. It shows their love for the show, and we love them as well.

So Lainey and Jerry are here, and I just wanted to say, you know, if they catch the coronavirus at a taping of Kill Tony, then they died doing what they loved. You know what I mean? Okie dokie. Let's start the show. We have five people, semi-pre-selected, pre-tested, temperature checked, and tested for the coronavirus. We tested all of them. Red Band takes a tube and sticks it deep up their nose and runs it.

Anyway, I pull their name out. You know how it works. They get 60 seconds over there on that side microphone to do stand-up comedy and try their best to be funny. And then I interview them about anything in the world. Maybe I find out more about their personal lives. Maybe I find out about their stand-up comedy history and things like that. And everybody here is going to join me.

It's a bunch of truckers and Benji Aflalo. Did you have something that you wanted to say? Rustin Wheels? The blind trucker is just staring at you. Oh, I don't think he knows that he's staring at me, though. You're staring at him. Well, my eyes are on the road right now. So this is it.

You guys ready to start the show? Okay. So before we go to the bucket, why don't we kick it off with something special? Ladies and gentlemen, there are regulars on this show. And this first comedian doing a brand new, never heard before minute of stand-up comedy is one of our favorites. This is the longest tenured

regular in the history of Kill Tony. He's coming off of his second performance ever after his first headlining show in Eureka, California. Kicking off tonight's show, this is it. This is the beginning. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you

the Big Red Machine, the devil's child himself, William Montgomery. You guys like craft beer? I like crafts too. My parents' minivan is not where I lost my virginity, but if you could help me find it. I'm actually pretty crafty, and by crafty I mean doing drugs in my parents' carport. Y'all seen Black-ish? I have a new TV show idea called Racist-ish. Y'all seen Black-ish? I have a new TV show idea called Trans-ish. Y'all seen Black-ish?

I have a new TV show idea called Trans-ish. Y'all seen Black-ish? I have a new TV show idea called I'm Doing Drugs at My Parents' Carport. I love how everyone that hopes Trump goes to hell will probably meet him there. That's all I got. That sound means it's a minute. William Montgomery. William, how are you, man?

I've been better. What's going on? You seem a little disheveled this week. Yeah, I'm totally disheveled. I continue to make pozole. Yeah. I ate some pozole earlier. How much pozole have you been eating?

I don't know. What is that? He got a crock pot a couple weeks ago. It's a Mexican dish. Aren't you Hispanic? No, I'm not Hispanic. Oh, okay. You look like it.

Oh, my God. You look that way. Yeah, I heard you the first time you said it. Yeah, okay. I said it again. Okay. Okay, perfect. Have you ever seen William before?

Yeah, I've seen him before. We've met outside before. Benji had to pick him out of a lineup. Yeah, you want me to say what you look like? I thought you were about to say, do you want to say what we did? We kissed. That's not true. Tell him. Tell William. I would never kiss you. Stop it what we did? We kissed. That's not true. Tell him. Tell him. Tell William.

I would never kiss you. Stop it. We made out one night. That's not true. Yes, it is. Benji. I'm starting to believe William. We made out one night.

My goodness. So, William, let's talk about it. What did you just learn what the word craft is this week? Yes. How could you tell? Because you had so many jokes with the word craft in it. You had four jokes and two of them involved the word craft. Did you like it, Benji?

I liked it, yeah. Cool. But still, it's why he brings it up. It's a little repetitive. There's so many words out there. And you also split them up with other jokes. Yeah, that's called stand-up comedy. What?

I think you have a craftitude problem. Craftitude? That's not a word. Have you seen the movie The Craft? Yeah. Have you ever listened to the band Craft Punk? I love Craft Punk. Yeah, what's your favorite song from them? Dancer Self Clean.

How does that sound? Sing it. That's an LCD Sound System song. DLC Sound System. It's D.L. Hughley Sound System. All right. All right. It's getting out of control. That would be the best band.

DCL Sound System starring D.L. Hughley. I would listen to that. William, how's the drinking been going? It's been good. Take a look at it. Thanks, Benji. That's the at it. Thanks, Benji. That's the crazy thing. You started with me.

Thanks, Benji. I was starting post. Why do you say that? I was starting post. I've been doing good. And you came at me. Whatever, Benji. We kissed that night.

We didn't kiss. Yeah, we did. Stop it. What kind of kiss was it? Did you put your tongue in his mouth? I put my tongue in his mouth. No, we didn't. Stop.

I'm starting to know you're really getting into it. Come on,? I put my tongue in his mouth. No, he didn't! Stop! I'm starting to know you're really getting into your energy. Come on, Benji! I kissed you that night. No, you didn't! And you responded. No, I didn't! I didn't kiss him back and he didn't kiss me! Yeah, you did! This is make-believe!

Yeah, you did! Stop it! Yeah, you did! Hey! We loved each other! No, we didn't! We loved each other! No!

Yeah, you did! You loved me! Leave me alone! I loved you! I'm just trying to be a guest on your show! We loved each other. Yeah, you did. You loved me. I loved you. I'm just trying to be a guest. Leave me alone. We loved each other. Alright, alright, alright. Jesus Christ. I thought there would be a big button coming any second.

I thought you guys maybe pre-planned something. It's literally the worst podcasting in the history of podcasts. It looks like the steroids are working on Benji. Yeah. I don't like your joke. Benji!

Oh, shit. So, William, what else has been happening this week since the last time we saw you? Just a bunch of pozole went on. Jeremiah had a music video shoot. That's right. I went on there with him on a boat. My back is burned.

Something tells me by the look on Rustin Wheels' face that maybe William wasn't supposed to mention that or something, or is that just your face? Are you smiling? I can't tell what's happening over there. You missed some spots on my fucking back. I'm burned badly on my back. Can we see your back right now?

Wait, you put lotion on his back? Did you rub sunscreen on his back? It was a spray! Don't look at me like that! I didn't touch him! My God. Can we see your back? Can we see the burns?

Yeah, let's see it. Yeah, let's see it. How many of you want to see William's back, huh? Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah, let's see it. How many of you want to see William's back, huh? Oh, my God. Wow. God. Oh, my goodness. Where's the burns at?

Oh, I see it. You all see that? A little. It's not really that bad, William. You're just a pussy. How is your stomach in the way of your back? Huh? I've been losing weight.

What are you talking about? Oh, yeah, you look great. That's what I was just about to say. Thank you, Benji. Yeah, I was right about to just say how awesome you look. And Benji, I was about to say how awesome you look. Thank you. I've missed you.

Oh, I think you guys are about to kiss again. I've missed you. Hold on a second. How have you been losing weight? What have you been doing to lose weight? A sit-up machine. Is that a machine? Is that a machine that you watch do sit-ups?

How does the machine... The YouTube video I watch somebody do sit-ups on a machine. No, really. I've lost, I don't know, 15 pounds recently. How many sit-ups do you think you can do? God, probably 400. Okay, can we see you do 400?

It's going to take a while. Can we get some sit-up music for William? It's going to take a while. I'll do some. Okay. General Zach Bogus, you want to hold his feet or something? Nothing better than holding William Montgomery's feet during a global pandemic. There's some good sit-up.

Wait, square up to the camera, William. There you go. Yeah, like that. But William, every time you come up, every time you come up for a setup, look directly at that camera, okay? That one over there, the one with the red light. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping, promo code searching. It skill speed sweat unless we're talking kudos new phone internet and streaming bundle with the happy stack you can sit back and stack up the savings on kudo internet a sweet phone plan netflix disney plus and amazon prime all starting at just 99 a month stack more spend less the happy. The Happy Stack. Only at CUDO!

Conditions apply. Here he goes. William Montgomery will now perform 400 sit-ups. Zoom in a bit. Oh yeah, look at that. Look at that camera. Look at the camera, William. Look at how funny

this looks. This is podcasting history right here. If you don't tell your friends to listen to every episode of the show after this, and this is just the beginning. Does Joe Rogan have people do sit-ups on his show? No. All right. I believe he's at eight or nine.

Boy, the castle is crumbling over there. Big trouble. Oh, he's done. There it is. There you go. There you go. That's it. How many did we get off there? There's like six or seven. Maybe eleven or twelve.

Was anybody counting there's six I think he's got a fat tire there there he goes look at that look at the struggle to get up this is actually the best part of the entire thing

that was actually the real sit up was him just sitting up he's having serious problems I'm starting to think he's semi-retarded oh that's a semi-retarded. Oh, that's a semi-joke. Whoa. William, are you okay?

He throws up a kidney. Who said that? It was your favorite lover boy, Benji. I'm kidding, Benji. I knew it was you. I knew you were kidding. That's why I didn't respond. Are we hanging out after this?

Who's the next? What's going on? Yeah, no, this is it. That was it. William, you're so goddamn charismatic, and you're so much gosh darn fun. You know that? Hey, can I add something to one of your jokes? What?

Your blackish joke, the third one, when you say something about the carport. You should be like carport-ish. Okay, I'll think about that. You know what I mean? Because everything was ish, ish, and then you said something like, and hanging out with my mom.

I'll think about it. I'll think about it. Thank you. William, have you started drinking again? Nope. So you've been sober. You're the only guy that I know that gets sober and starts to look more drunk every week after that.

He was drinking. I'm not drinking. I stopped. On the boat near Saturday. He was drinking on the boat. No, I wasn't. Are you lying? No, I wasn't.

Tony, you know last week when I was real loud in the green room? Yeah. I had brought Chris a gift of beers. Oh, come on. And William stole two of them. Come on. William, what the fuck? I paid you for that.

Yeah, I know, but I just had to tell everybody. But not until you got caught. I paid you for that. Not until you got caught. All right. You're supposed to drink. Like, you're supposed to. It's okay. Thank you, Benji. No one wants to look at you and You're supposed to drink. Like, you're supposed to. It's okay.

Thank you, Benji. No one wants to look at you and think you don't drink. Like, you drink. What does that mean, Benji? It means like you drinking is the way the world works. What does that mean, Benji? It means like Niagara Falls is water falling from one place to another and you drink. I love it.

That was a good illustration of that. Niagara Falls. Benji's one of my smartest, funniest friends. I love it. That was a good illustration of that. Niagara Falls. Benji's one of my smartest, funniest friends. I'm saying accept yourself. And I think he just nailed you really well. And if you didn't drink, I'd be even more worried that you look like that. Ladies and gentlemen,

that is the comedic stylings of the great, the powerful William Montgomery. There he goes, everybody. On to the next one we go. Step back. Not wearing a hat this week. That was weird. Yeah, bold maneuver. Showing his lump.

Yeah, he's got a lump in his skull. Have you ever had that checked out by an actual doctor, William? Yes, I used to think it was cancer, but it's actually just a birth of that. Oh, wow. All right. This is very exciting.

This young lady, I believe, made her stand-up comedy debut exactly one year ago to the day of today in San Francisco at Kill Tony Mania. This past weekend was scheduled to be the return of Kill Tony Mania, our big, huge annual event. This young lady's son was on the show, and he absolutely bombed. I believe he said that his mom was funnier than he was. I called her up, and she was indeed funnier than her son. Since then, for an entire year, she has been preparing a new official minute-long set of stand-up comedy, and she's going to debut it right now, here, live,

in the main room of the Comedy Store. It's Laura Liu. Here's Laura Liu. How you doing? Okay, I've been practicing and practicing. My husband, BMF, he's always picking fights with me. I have to look at him and say, honey, how's it going? Stop, Laura.

Stop, stop, stop. You have to talk right into the microphone. You have to talk right into the tip of that microphone. It's a clean microphone. Right here? Yeah. All right, let's start it one more time. Ladies and gentlemen, Laura Lou.

Here we go. Here comes Laura. Oh, and I crumble. Here's Laura Lou. Here we go. Here comes Laura. Oh, and I crumble. Here's Laura Lou. Okay, my husband, Bastard Motherfucker, he's always picking fights with me, and I have to look at him and go, Bastard, are you healthy enough to have makeup sex?

So what's better than makeup sex? Restraining order makeup sex. So he asked me the other day if I knew what a mulligan was, and I said, yeah, he's the guy that keeps doing it over and over again, right? So back in the day, when you wanted to get something green to smoke,

you'd have to go down to the trestle or somewhere sketchy, so I sent him off to get me something to smoke, and he came back and says, open your hand, and I opened it up, and he drops this big green grasshopper in my hand. I looked at him and said, bastard motherfucker. I said, big green bud, not big green bug.

So I'm knocking off my bucket list. And I did skydiving last week. And he sends me off in the plane and says, darling, I'll be praying for you. And I had to stop and think, what exactly are you going to be praying for? And so I love the camo pad. I went to the store, I looked around, I couldn't find any. Kept bumping into people wearing camo and said, oh, I'm sorry I didn't see you. Wow, look at that. How adorable is she i mean wow crumbles when you are not here

hi laura how you doing welcome back the restraining order uh makeup sex true story wow i was just about to ask about that. I got you again, didn't I? Yeah. That was hilarious. So you got a restraining order on somebody or what? My ex-husband, yes. Yeah. And so he came over to get the rest of the stuff out of the house. And one thing led to another.

And there we were on the living room floor going. Damn, on the floor. Is that carpet or hardwood? I believe it was carpet. Wow. That's nice. I got the burns to prove it. There you go. Absolutely. Wow. You still got them, huh the floor. Is that carpet or hardwood? I believe it was carpet. Wow. That's nice. I got the burns to prove it. There you go.

Absolutely. Wow, you still got him, huh? Yeah. My goodness. So was there a certain distance that he had to stay away? I believe it was 100 yards or 100 feet, but who was counting at that point? Right, exactly. And then after he was done, were you like restraining orders still on?

I let him get his stuff and get out. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. All right. Okay. Well, that's fun. How long ago did that happen? 35 or... Yeah, a long time ago. 35 years, probably. Okay. And what's your love life like now?

With Bastard Motherfucker? You're a beautiful... For those of you just listening to the podcast, I mean, she is a beautiful young lady. Laura Lou looks like if Elizabeth Warren was actually Native American. It's true, Tony. She is a beautiful young lady. Laura Lou looks like if Elizabeth Warren was actually Native American. It's true, Tony. She is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. Well, the last time you said it was a cross between Warren and Bernie Sanders.

You do. You look like both Elizabeth Warren and Bernie. So you look like the Democratic super god. God, yes. Thank you. But at the same time, you sort of look like Mitch McConnell as well. Oh, you get out of town? Don't talk to me about that. You look like Tom Petty and Samuel Adams. So when the same time, you sort of look like Mitch McConnell as well. Oh, you get out of town? Don't talk to me about that.

Tom Petty and Samuel Adams. So when the band came out, I thought... I feel like you look like you've been getting molested by the same guy for 70 years. 40 years. I'm sorry, 25 years. What did you get the restraining order for originally? Something you're familiar with, over drinking and you know. Over drinking. You know about this, right?

Hell yeah, dude. This is my future, Tony. Have you ever driven a truck before? No, not really. What do you do for work? What about a stick shift? You work at a cigarette store. No, I work for Safeway in the deli.

Safeway, I was so close. Safeway is a place where a Safeway! I was so close! That's right. Safeway is a place where a lot of people get their cigarettes. Yeah, she drives a flatbread. Do you smoke? Yes, I do. We used to smoke as well, and then we started chewing Lucy nicotine gum. Yeah, I was interested in it, and it's my

namesake, too. When she works in the deli, do you smoke meats, or do you smoke a lot? I sell the smoked meats. Oh my goodness, the deli, do you smoke meats or do you smoke? Hello. I sell the smoked meats. Oh my goodness. Look at you. And you smoke a lot of marijuana, huh? Oh, you bet. How do you like to smoke? I feel like you have like a bong that looks like a

corn pipe. Well, actually no, it's an antler pipe. And so I like the flower and I have my night flower and my day flower. And you were probably around back when, like, people were smoking, like, Vietnam style. Back in the Dallas Chaplin days. Wow, really?

Yeah. What's your favorite concert you've ever been to? Charlie Chaplin. Not that old. I think when we went to Beethoven's Fourth Symphony the Us Festival no one's old enough to remember this back in 40 years ago and we went to the country

version of it with Hank Williams Jr. and Willie Nelson rumor has it that I'm Willie Nelson's second cousin I can see it I can actually see that I don't know if a lot of people tell you that. You look like Tilly Nelson.

Tilly Nelson, there you go. Do you play any musical instruments or sing or anything? You seem like you might play the spoons or the ham bone. Nope. You ever play the ham bone? You know what the ham bone is? No. You don't even know? You know what the ham bone is, right?

Yeah. Yeah, look at this. Truckers. Oh, yeah. Truckers. So stupid, but that's what it is. How long you been playing hand bone for, Truck Norris? Oh, well, ever since I saw Willie Nelson and Hank Williams,

it's been a long time. 50 years? 60 years? 40. We don't think we know. Has anybody ever told you you look like you're dressed for your first day of school? So when the band first came out, you said they were truck drivers. I thought they were Trump supporters.

Oh, shit. So when the band first came out, you said they were truck drivers. I thought they were Trump supporters. Oh, shit. You look like the only fest you go to is the Grand Wizard of Oz fest. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Finn Finn Diesel dropping bombs over Baghdad back there. My goodness. So what do you do for fun nowadays, Laura Lou?

What's your favorite thing to do after smoking pot? You seem like a crossword puzzle specialist. Actually, I do a lot of puzzles online. Thank you. And, you know, with the COVID... The crowd used to go crazy when I would guess things like that. You know... Yes! I don't do a whole lot anymore with this COVID thing going on. You know, we were already pre-reclused

anyway. It's the hell to get bastard motherfucker out of the house, just go for a drive. I'm just a homebody. I'm a little scared about going out. I'm surprised I'm even here because I'm old. When you go to your hairstylist, do you ask for the Jar Jar Binks?

Oh, we just got to get a haircut. This is my own style. Is this one of Red Band's six impressions? Red Band's impression. Red Band's impression. There's only six of them. Hey!

You got a Jar Jar Binks? We's are going to get a haircut. Oh, my goodness. Impressions. There's only six of them. Hey! Starring Aphrodite as Jar Jar Binks. Oh, I miss Aphrodite. It's only six of them. Hey. Starring Aphrodite as Jar Jar Binks. Oh, I miss Aphrodite.

It's been a long time. Hopefully we'll get to see her soon. Laura, I'm sorry. Let me get this one question out. Do you do any impressions, Laura? No. Nothing? Nothing.

Really? No. That's where... Nothing? Nothing. Really? Never? Never.

First impressions, last impressions Like character work? Yeah Pretend you're like a business woman I do a good impression of bastard motherfucker I don't know Knock it off, I'm tired of it Oh, I love you

I'm sorry I'm in love with you I'm so glad that I'm behind a table so that nobody can see my complete erect penis right now. Tony, can we bring up the elephant in the room? I kissed this woman in San Francisco. That's right. Which leads

me to believe the only thing better than kissing a year ago in San Francisco is kissing again now, tonight, during the coronavirus. You should go kiss her again. Give her a kiss. Give her a kiss. The crowd's chanting. No, thank you.

Put your beard on. We got a glory hole back today. No, it's okay. When we met you, your son was the actual person that signed up for the show and did comedy and failed. Then you came up and did way better. Now,, your son was the actual person that signed up for the show and did comedy and failed. Then you came up and did way better.

Now, is your son still doing comedy? Or has he given up on it? I think he's given up on that. Thank God. That's what happens when your mom's funnier than you in front of a sold-out San Francisco super show. That's basically it. Well, he had the ulterior motive of doing the Mexican drum off. He did.

He wasn't really interested in comedy. And that was a lot of fun. Well, he had the ulterior motive of doing the Mexican drum off. He did. He wasn't really interested in comedy. And that was a lot of fun. And let me just remind everybody that that was one of the all-time great Mexican drum offs. I do believe I remember. What was the big button on your thing that night, Truck Norris? It was a dildo. You threw the dildo at him?

Oh, yeah. I came out with a salad bowl with a dildo inside of it. That's right. He was eating our salad. Yeah. He was eating a salad with tongs. I kicked his ass with pure skill then I kissed his mother in front of him. That's what it was.

How could I forget? You kissed his mother to end the drum solo. Did your son say anything about that night? You know, like on the way home, like was he upset? No, he agreed that I was a rock star and he was very proud of me. And you did it again tonight, Laura Lou.

It's incredible. I love that you prepared a minute to actually do. You have a cool style. You keep it in your own voice. A lot of fucking cocksucking motherfuckers and all that other shit that you said. I like that. You're not trying to be something that you're not.

It's super cool, and I think everybody enjoyed it, right, Laura Lou? Thank you. All the way from Spokane, Washington, there goes Laura Lou, everybody. Thank you, Laura. Thank you again. the way from Spokane, Washington. There goes Laura Liu, everybody. Thank you, Laura. Thank you again. There she goes.

Though I try to hide it. How exciting is that? So exciting. Is that Jar Jar? Oh, yeah. Did we just find, wait, was it? Oh, yeah. Yes.

All right. Okay. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Here we go. This is a new name. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, a first. I didn't play yet. Don't you look at me. You're the leader of the band. They weren't following me. He's mad.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it is her first time ever on the show. Make some noise for Jill D'Souza, everybody. Jill D'Souza. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Jill D'Souza. Hello. Do I just start now? Oh, hi, everyone. So recently, I went on a vacation

with my ex-boyfriend to Cuba. We were walking down the street there. Everyone was yelling, Maricon, Maricon. And I thought that was the name of the street. If you speak Spanish, it's definitely not the name of the street. And then I got back and I was telling my friend about it. And I was like, we were walking down the beautiful Maricón. She was like, you know, Maricón means faggot, right? So don't go to Cuba with a dude that only shops at J.Crew. When I was seven, I saw nudes for the first time. But the thing is, it's also the first time me and my brother saw my mom's nudes for the first time

yeah it was a really big bummer the first time he saw a vagina in real life he was probably like fuck so when I was a kid I was pretty bad my mom would literally put me on probation so that she didn't have to talk to me so okay my mom would literally put me on probation so that she didn't have to talk to me so

okay you want to finish it? oh yeah so while I was pissing in a cup my probation officer Gary would be watching me and would be like your mom wants to know if you're coming to Thanksgiving

she lowkey doesn't want you to come though 2, 3, four. Hey! Jill D'Souza. Hi, Jill. How are you? Hi, I'm great. This is your first time on the show, correct?

Yeah, yeah. How long have you been on stand-up comedy for? Three years. Three years. Where at? All of it here in Los Angeles? No, I just moved here actually from New York in May. You moved here in May?

Yeah. Because stuff was getting crazy there and it's something you've always wanted to do. Yeah. My lease was about to be up and I was like, if not now, then when, you know? Cool. Do you have friends out here and stuff? I'm making friends. I didn't know anyone when I moved here though.

So I'm making friends though. It's cool. I like here. What part of town did you friends, though. It's cool. I like here. What part of town did you decide to move to? Koreatown. Koreatown. Now, Benji, not a lot of people know this, but Benji is a real estate specialist on top of many, many, many, many amazing qualities.

What do you think about the market of Koreatown nowadays, Benji? Everyone thinks because you're Jewish, you know everything about real estate everywhere all the time. I don't know. My nose starts growing. I definitely know. Let's just say, one time, Benji showed me a house

to Todd Phillips. He's like, you want to come over and show a house to Todd Phillips, the director of The Hangover? And I was like, hell yeah. And that was just an average day of hanging out with Benji. No, I mean, that doesn't happen every day, but that's a true story. Benji doesn't look like a landlord to me.

Thank you. What do you think he looks like? A water lord. I thought he was Vinny from Jersey Shore when I first saw his face. Oh, look at that. You've been confused for both a Latino and an Italian so far. I'm 11% Italian. You are? According to my 23andMe. I'm 11% Italian. You are?

According to my 23andMe, I'm part Sicilian. I can see that. My goodness. And what's the other 89%? You know what it is. And what's your ethnicity, Jill? I'm Guyanese. Guyanese?

Yeah. Half white, half Italian. Wrong continent. What is that? You look like Shakira's cousin. Oh, half red. Wrong continent. What is that? You look like Shakira's cousin. Oh, thank you. My seventh grade bus driver used to say the same thing, actually. Is that a Shakira beat?

Yeah, my hips don't lie, bitch. Wait a second. I'm very interested to notice that Rustin Wheels, a blind truck driver, I think I just heard him do somewhat of a Shakira. Are you a fan of Shakira? Man, I love Shakira. And you sing along with her songs sometimes? Yeah, I mean, sometimes I do. What does it sound like when you do?

Whenever, wherever, he goes in my hand. Wow. Very good, Rusted Wheels. Very good. Okay. Okay. All right.

Rusted. Rusted. Relax. Jesus. I really enjoyed that. Thank you. All right. So, Jill, so you've been here since May.

Do you have a job? I do, yeah. What do you do for work? I am an innovation expert for a Fortune 100 company. What exactly? Oh, you're in a cult. Yeah, what do you do? What does that mean, innovations expert?

I do corporate innovation, so new products, services. I interview a lot of people to learn what products we should be making. Stuff like that. I have a real job. Must be nice. Unbelievable. What do you like to do for fun? Any hobbies? I do comedy.

I hang out with my dogs. I mind my own business. What kind of dogs do you got? I have a golden doodle and a blue tick hound. A golden doodle? Yeah. What exactly is a golden doodle? It's a golden retriever and a poodle mix.

He's actually calling in right now. Oh, he's all alone. His name is Bogart. He's really cool. You said you're Guyanese? Yeah. What is that? Are all your parents from there? My dad is. Do any of them remember Jonestown? They were there for that, yeah.

Wow. Yeah, but it was kind of far from where they lived. I mean, they didn't have a car, so shit's kind of far when you're walking. Do you guys not carry Kool-Aid in the house because of that? Yeah, they get a little triggered in the Kool-Aid aisle. You moved to L.A. with two dogs and no friends. Yeah. You drove here with two dogs?

Yeah. That's not a country album. I don't know what the hell it is. How was that long drive? How was that? It was nice. I was cooped up in my apartment in Crown Heights for, like, months. So it was actually really nice to get out.

The home of Matusiyabu. Had you saved up? To move? To move, yeah. Not really. I mean, I have a job still. So I'm remote, so I just turn on my computer. Did you stay certain places across the country when you made that drive?

Yeah. Did you stop at any truck stops? A lot of red roof ends. Ah, you hit the roof. What's the longest you've ever driven, Rustin? 43 days straight. 43 days without any rest? Yeah.

Were you blind then too? Blind as a bat. Wow, you could tell he's blind. He reminds me so much of my stepdad, like same person. Yeah. What qualities does your stepdad. Like, same person. What qualities does your stepdad possess? Lazy eye. He was a truck driver.

Big cock. Oh my goodness. Rustin. What, you've never seen your stepdad's cock before? Have you ever seen your stepdad's penis? No. Thank God, no. How about his cock? What about his cock?

Never mind. Okay, there you go. I'm sorry. These guys are truck drivers. No, thank God, no. How about his cock? What about his cock? Never mind. Okay, there you go. I'm sorry. These guys are truck drivers. They're very... Okay, you don't have to play a beat every time. No, no, no, no. All right.

They keep asking about cocks, and they go to Shakira for a while. Okay. Jesus. Rusty actually has a tiny cock. He's just never seen it, so he thinks it's now. Okay. Jesus. Rusty actually has a tiny cock. He's just never seen it, so he thinks it's huge. Wow. Is this true? Have you two ever hooked up? Oh, yeah. Just did it once.

Yeah? What happened? Oh, it was more than once. I just did a little role-playing and he didn't know the difference. Wait, what? You've been raping me while I've been blind? I'm Whore Wheeler, baby. Oh, my God. Beautiful.

She's a lot lizard. Jill, is there any other wild fun facts about you that we should know? Jill, are there any wild fun facts about you that we should know? Any special skills or talents or anything that you've ever done before? No, I'm sorry. I'm not. You speak to your Guyanese parents a lot? My dad?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, my dad's the best. And what language does he speak? English. It's an English-speaking country. Oh, that's right. Yeah, just a nice, thick accent, you know.

What does he sound like? Can you do an impression of him? Oh, it's like really West Indian. I don't want to do it. Red Band, you do. Red Band's famous for his impressions. Why don't you do an impression of her West Indian-sounding father? Impressions from Red Band.

Channel like Jamaican. I guess I got to get out of here. Spot on, spot on. Really good. All right. Jill, so much fun. Congratulations on your first ever kill tony set hopefully you'll come back another time and do it again i shall jill de souza everybody there she goes

yeah yeah yeah all right it's that time everybody it's time for another regular this young man truly one of my favorite comedians in the world. He has a podcast with the guy you saw earlier, the great William Montgomery, called Brothers in Cursive. They have a new Patreon that's out there killing it. I've been looking at clips of that. I'm a member of the Patreon. Everybody knows I support everybody.

Oh, yeah? You are? Yeah. I'm on the Patreon. I buy ornaments from Jet Ski. I support everybody here on Kill Tony any way that I can. And here he is, one of my favorite comedians, a great roaster. It's the great David Lucas.

Everybody, here he is. I went to a strip club in Tijuana. They had some really young assholes. They were so young they were doing homework in between dances they were like hey when it's over 10 do you carry the one or what

I think I'm the only person that think Trump has a big dick Trump has big dick energy nobody talks that much shit and have a small dick when he got out of the hospital from COVID, this motherfucker got on Instagram and said, hey, America, it's your favorite president, Donald J. Trump. Like, can you imagine you do that shit in

real life to your girl and you ain't got the biggest dick that she fucking shit? Like, if you don't get your goofy ass out of here, that's why I know Trump got a big dick. He really speaks by what Winston Churchill said. Speak softly and carry a big stick. And that's my time. Absolutely. That's it. Did it again.

Hey. Should I say or should I go now? Yeah. Hello. What's up, bro? That was great. I loved that. Yeah, I appreciate it, man.

I got my new... I'm starting a new party, dog. A party? Yeah, for a political... Like a political party? Yeah. Wow, what is it? Fats for Trump.

Oh, I like that. Yeah. I like that. So, just people for Trump? No, facts. Trump has a few healthy supporters out there. Yeah, all them ex-Marines. Goddamn right. Marines, Army, Navy.

Oh yeah, ex-Marines are all doing really great. I always thought it was called small dick energy. That's why he's acting like that. No, that's people who ride e-bikes. Oh, shit. You just got roasted by a handkerchief, man.

It is. This is an interesting look tonight, David Lucas. You got roasted by a pocket square. Hey, man, shut your gay ass up, nigga. Fuck all of y'all. Fuck all of y'all hillbillies. It is incredible. It looks like somebody melted crayons inside of a pumpkin.

What you got on there? You got on some scuba diving tuxedo wear, nigga. Show ass up out of here, bro. That is. I'm actually going scuba diving. You look like a hippie jack-o'-lantern. You're doing too much with your ghetto ass. Thank you.

With that stupid ass Abraham Lincoln beard on. Oh, man. You made him sick to his stomach. Tony looked like he going to the prom under the sea. I actually, that's actually what I'm doing right after this. I'm going to the prom under the sea. With Sandy Squirrels. I have to scoop a dive to get there.

I mean, what is that? Where do you even find something like that? The Beverly Center, nigga. Polo. You went to the Beverly Center? Yeah, bitch. This shit was like $200. Oh my God. Was it that much because of all the extra material that they needed to make it? The only way you could justify it is by

the price. Hold on. Let Redbat do his joke. It was real good. That's all right. I know it was good. Redbat said it's an El Pollo Loco. Just like every week. It's good. This is great. What were you saying? El Pollo Loco? That was a funny ass joke week. No, it's good. This is great. What were you saying? El Pollo Loco?

That was a funny ass joke. It was. It was good. That was great. It does. It sort of looks like, remember Chi-Chi's? Remember the wallpaper at Chi-Chi's? I used to go to Chi-Chi's all the time with my family.

I love that restaurant. What is Chi-Chi's? Chi-Chi's was like white people's Mexican food. And how old were you when you found out what Chi-Chi's meant? Remember when you're like, my dad used to go, it means boobies. I was still breastfeeding when I found out that's what it meant. We didn't have chi-chis here. I know.

You had actual fucking Mexican food. We had Acapulco, which was fun. Remember Acapulco? Yeah, I like that. Hey, Benji, you still got that old school Mustang? I once ate mushrooms. It was in a Baja Fresh. Baja Fresh on mushrooms changes you.

You can't eat Baja Fresh again after that. Baja Fresh straight, bro. By the way, it wasn't like a fun amount of mushrooms. It was like I just ate the mushrooms and was starving. Best Mexican food, though, for real, though, when shit opened back up, bro, salsa and beer in the valley. Oh, I heard that. Salsa and beer, bro.

I've gotten it to go. You got to get it. Bro, they got the best Mexican food, dog. You go, you can take a family of five for $100. Big portions. Oh my goodness, and that's how much you eat, so that's perfect. You know that, exactly. Family of five for $100.

That's great. How was the Mexican food in the children's strip club in Tijuana you went to? Oh, that shit, they had El Pollo chicken nuggets. That shit was trash. That shit really happened, bro. I went up in the strip club in TJ and them hoes looked real young.

You're not supposed to say that out loud. I mean, seriously. What was the Fisher Price of them? I left the Fisher Price. Well, at least the strippers had to leave. You had chicken nuggets. You didn't leave. Did it have one of them. I left the Fisher Park. Well, at least the strippers had chicken nuggets. You didn't leave. Did it have one of them signs that said you must be this tall to

strip on stage? You had to you had to solve a riddle instead of a pole dance. They were doing a monkey bar dance. Okay. They were playing Taylor Ball with their little titties. David, what else you been doing? Scotch bitch.

Shit, what did I do? I did some shows in Vegas this past weekend. What route did you take? The airplane route. Where'd you do Vegas? Huh? Where in Vegas? I can't think of the name of the club,

but I couldn't even post a flyer because they were one of them type shits. Yeah, they wouldn't even let me post a flyer. Was it a good audience? Was there a good turnout? Bro, it was way too many people in there for COVID, but it was a great turnout. Wow. It was a room for about 80, and they probably had like 120 in there. Jesus.

Did you feel safe? Thank you for being here tonight. Well, I stayed on the stage. Can you lick the mic? I stayed on the stage until they cleared the room. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, because I was like, they ain't doing no meet and greet with all these international motherfuckers.

So the dressing room was so you came right, it's like this. You came right out of the dressing room but you had to go this way to exit the club and I was like, come get me when y'all empty that motherfucker. I know what club you're talking about. Oh, you do? Do you remember when Trump was just sitting on stage

and he still caught COVID? Did y'all see the black guy in Macon, Georgia, my hometown, crowd surfing out that bit at the Trump rally? You're goddamn right. Hell yeah, that nigga was out that bit like it was a ride. It's the first time he swam. Hey, bro, let me tell you, black people in Macon can swim, bro. Yeah? Yeah.

Why is that? Because we got Lake Tobesofke. What's it called? Lake Tobesofke. Lake Tobesoff. What's it called? Lake Tobesoff. Lake Tobesoff. T-O-B-E-S-O-F-K-E-E. Wow. Toby is in that. Okie dokie.

Wait, can I get another shot at that? Sure, go right ahead. That's spelled Tobesoff-y without Toby. Not as good. Is that a reference to the movie Roots? Exactly. Thank you. You got it.

Why didn't everybody else? Because it's racist, Joel. God damn. You're damn right it is. I'm a truck driver and my name ain't Joel. It's Truck Norris, bitch. Okay.

Well, David, I mean, incredible stuff. I love it. I agree with you. I think Trump has big dick energy as well.

Did you see the way that he danced? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That motherfucker was... Did you see people? I saw a compilation of people mimicking the dance. It became like a real thing. It's a compilation.

They don't got as much swag as him, bro. Right. You know, I defend my boy everywhere I go. You know what I'm saying? Somebody was arguing with me the other day talking about Trump had a loan of a million dollars from his daddy and I was like nigga can I give you a hundred dollars right now you bring me back a thousand

right like you can't make a billion out of a billion if you wanted to bro it still takes some level of genius this it is very very true he is he is I read an article the other day that said he's a billion dollars in debt. And then and then if you get to the middle of the article, it says, yeah, he's a billion dollars in debt, but he's worth three point five billion dollars.

So he's worth two point five billion dollars, which which but they they mentioned that at the middle end of the article, which is the part right where liberals quit reading. All I know is his stakes are great. which is the part right where liberals quit reading. All I know is his stakes are great. The crazy thing about the taxes, bro, I just like information. Don't try to base something off of headlines. When they say he only paid $4.75 in taxes, the previous year he prepaid $50 million. Right, and he pays more in property taxes than most human beings do. I just like information.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, with the election coming up, it's a hot button issue. There goes David Lucas, everybody. All right, ladies and gentlemen, with the election coming up, it's a hot button issue. There goes David Lucas, everybody. Benji, did you already vote? Are you going to vote? Yeah, I voted. Okay. You already voted? Yeah.

Oh, we know what that means. He's riding for Biden. All right. I pulled a name out of the bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, his first time on Kill Tony. He's very excited. Put your hands together for Cody Held. H-E-L-D.

Cody Held. Dessert you. Never gonna. Never gonna. Here's Cody Held, everyone. All right, all right. What it do, boys? So we're going to start this off with.

So you guys know how all those magicians love to do disappearing acts? Well, my dad's the best magician out there. That man fucking disappeared for 16 goddamn years. Still hasn't come down to this day. You know, he said he was going to go buy cigarettes at a Walmart. But I'm pretty sure he got lost in fucking Ikea because he is still gone, man. I'm telling you.

Walmart is a hell of a drug. And if you get lost in that bitch, well, you're just like my dad, gone forever. Now, if you get lost in that bitch well you're just like my dad gone forever now if you guys know uh what is it you guys know the app twitter you guys know what i'm talking about yeah yeah yeah all right so can you just talk about how twitter's fucking users make that shit look more toxic than goddamn chernobyl like have you seen the radiation levels that fucking come out of those people's mouths? God damn, bro. My ex was less toxic than that.

Holy shit. And that bitch told me to fucking kill myself, all right? I'm telling you. She's fucking wild. So, and there's my time. Cody. How do you think that went? How do you think that was? Oh, fucking terrible.

Why do you think it was so bad? Because he didn't grow up with a dad who taught him how to... See, right there. Just like that, bro. Daddy issues. It fucks up your life. What's in your ear? Definitely not a headphone.

Is that a headphone? Totally. Is somebody whispering that set to you right now uh yeah totally it's the fbi agents telling me to fucking uh say this retarded ass shit wow cody why do you look at the ground when you talk like he's blind like me actually quite literally this light is fucking killing me right now look directly in it that's what you're supposed to do that That's how you get used to it. Yeah. If you ever want to make it, you got to look directly into the light.

Bro, do I look like a motherfucker? And if you ever get in like a car accident or anything and you see a bright light, you look directly at it. You walk towards it. You say, take me. Hey, you're going to tell me twice, man. I'll go right for that. What part of Orange County are you from?

Good question. Orange County. Huntington Beach. Huntington Beach. How the hell did you know that? Boom! Orange County are you from? Good question. Orange County. Huntington Beach. How the hell did you know that? Boom! Orange County. Bitch, I fucking does this.

No doubt about it. They can't make eye contact and they seem weird as fuck. And they have Bluetooth headphones. I got these Bluetooth from my grandma for Christmas last year. I haven't taken them out since. They're stuck in there. Nothing but wax and Bluetooth. Honestly, I think there's more wax in this headphone

than there is a freaking candle. Well, why don't you take it out when you're not using it? Because I'm always using it. Let's be real here. What are you listening to right now? Some rock. I'm listening to the Blue Oyster Cult. Right now?

Yes. During that whole performance and on a podcast, you're listening to a song. Perhaps. So where do you draw the line? Like let's say Joe Rogan had you on his podcast. Would you be... Hey, what's up? Whoa! We got another

impression! Impressions from Red Van. Impressions with Red Van. That's a great Joe Rogan. I was gonna say, who's that? Joe Rogan? Gotta was going to say, who's that, Joe Rogan? Gotta get on it. All right. I mean, if you guys don't mind, I can do an impression, too.

Oh, yeah? Who can you do an impression of? Aussies. Australian people? Russians, Aussies. Okay, let's hear your Australian impression. This should be amazing. Oi, cranky mate, do you see that fucking crocodile there? Do you see that motherfucker?

Okay, let's hear some Russians. Oi, you... I got this. I got this. Oi, I'm Russian, mate. This crocodile's Russian, mate. You suck. Alright, alright.

Here we go. Ready? What a comrade dude. Do you see the fucking AK over there? Fucking deadest Stalin's AK. That motherfucker has seen more wars than your fucking entire generation. That's Russian? That's Russian?

Totally Irish. That was Scottish for sure. Scottish. All right, can you do a black guy? Go right ahead. Jump right into it as fast as you can. Oi, matey, I'm coming to get you people right now. Oi, matey, shut up before I fucking send you to the goddamn Crocs, all right?

Wait, what was that? Oh, that was fucking Aussie. That was Aussie? That sounded Russian. Listen, listen, listen. I get my fucking races mixed more than my goddamn family members. I'm going to do an impression of Ozzy Osbourne now. That's Ozzy Osbourne if he was Australian.

Go. You listen to music all the time. You can do this. Do I look like I listen to fucking Ozzy? Actually, yes. That's his thing that he likes to say back, I noticed. Do I look like I...

Yes, by the way. Take a breath, close your eyes, pretend you're at Warped Tour. Warped Tour? God, I haven't heard that name in a fucking long time. Alright, let's see. Ozzy and Osbourne. You've got

this. They're playing it. You don got this. I got this. They're playing it. You don't need to listen to it. I don't even know this song, bro. All right, put on some crazy train. Put on some crazy train. I got you. That's crazy train?

How old are you? That's crazy train? I'm 23, bro. 23, wow. 20 goddamn three, man. My goodness. And what do you do for work? I'm actually a Twitch streamer. You're a Twitch what?

Twitch streamer. I play games. What are you streaming? Fortnite? Oh, gods, no. He's streaming crack cocaine. He's just a tweaker. He said, gods, no. This guy's Greek. I show the fucking kids how to do it at an early age. It's either Animal Crossing or Warzone.

It's actually CSGO. What is it? CSGO. Counter-Strike Global Offensive. Wow. I don't know anything that's happening. That's like one of the oldest games. Oh, yeah. It's really fucking old. Like 90s? Yeahs like yeah i played you live with your parents i mean your mom no i live on my own really yeah how do you afford to live on your own no that's my job you make a lot of money twitching i'm not twitching yes i make uh just enough to live is that not the right terminology what do you call it hey you can call it twitching i'm a fucking twitching motherfucker you call it

streaming yeah that's what we call it yeah he just laughed in your face like you're an idiot and i was surprised i was like what's the right term i'm an old man compared to these fucking listen listen i'm an idiot too we get used to these things no no no i'm not an idiot don't get it twisted old man old man he just loved you in the same category and then you didn't like that at all yeah hey don worry, I'm an idiot from Orange County too. What's your Twitch stream account? It's SimpleStupid. No space, no caps.

Yeah, we're just a couple of simple stupid people. You know what I mean, bro? What do you do when you're not Twitching? Do you have any fun hobbies? Do you skateboard or anything like that? Meth and cocaine. Is that true? No. Have you ever done drugs before other than weed nah now nah if we're talking about hobbies though i mean games is

pretty much my only hobby music wildest night of your life what was that like do you have a wedding wildest night of my life all right i got this so party is about a hundred people at the very least i'm out here down in German boot glass one by one. There's at least nine of these. By the end of the night, I have found out I fucking bent the guy's support beam to his house to a 90 degree angle

because I thought the fucking pole was talking shit to me. Yeah, it was a fucking wild night. Fuck, that's crazy, dude. I was straight running into this thing. That's it? And then what happened? One time I did cocaine

and jerked off to feed porn for four hours. Wait, is that Joel? Dude, I do that without the... That's the trucker guy. That's the trucker guy. Definitely not Joel. No, it's the trucker guy, man. Yo, yo, yo.

I don't even know what feed porn is. That was oddly specific, trucker. Yo, yo, I do that. I jerk off to feed porn. That was oddly specific and it sounded a lot like Joel. Oh, no, that ain't him, man. One time I did meth and joined a Christian church for two years, man. Yo, what is foot porn like for four hours?

I mean, what kind of stuff? I mean, it's big, man. I could probably guess the size just by looking at it at this point. I have foot lockers in my future, you know what I'm saying? So wait, your name on Twitch is simple, is stupid spelled with two O's? Simple, stupid, no space, no is, just simple, stupid. But is it spelled with two O's? Yeah, simple stupid. No space, no is, just simple stupid. But is it spelled with two O's? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it. You have 238 followers. Yes, sir. And you survive on and you survive making a living off that. Your most recent video has eight views. Listen, I'm on a hiatus right now. All right. You're what?

I'm on a hiatus. I'm taking a break to myself. Okay. A hiatus is a break from telling the truth to people? You're right. Yo, listen, alright, that is actually my job. I live on my own. I fucking promise this. Do your parents pay your bills? My parents are dead, but yeah, totally.

Both of your parents are dead? Yeah. Wow. I can't believe your dad left you and still killed himself. Dude, everyone wants to kill themselves around me. You get used to it. How did your parents die? I don't know. A fucking car accident from what I remember. Really? Yeah.

Same time or two different car accidents? Same time. Same time. Wow. Where were you? At home, thankfully, with my grandma. So your dad never abandoned you? I mean, if you count dying as abandonment, yeah, pretty much.

No, you don't. No, no, no. I do. I do. When he died? You said he went and got cigarettes and never came back. You never mentioned because he killed his wife and your mother in a

car accident. Now what if he was driving to go get those cigarettes? Was he? Yes, he was. He was going to get those cigarettes and he never fucking came back. Do you know if your parents caused the accident? What did they hit? You never found out what your parents ran into?

I don't believe anything this guy says right now. Bro, I don't even believe what I say. Come on. I've been experienced with some wide loads, but this is a big old wide load of shit. Do I look like a load? Okay, you know what? You know what? You're right.

I do look like a load of shit. I ain't even going to ask. Come on. Give him some something. Give him some something. Here they fucking go. All right. Well, oh shit.

There it is. Oh my God. Well, Cody, I gotody i gotta tell you man how long did you did i ask you how long you've been on stand-up no no you didn't first time ever tonight right uh no i wish first time here um i've been doing it on and off for about a year now but like not too much i mean lately i've been fucking taking shit to myself. Yeah, it seems like it. So Cody, it was fun to meet you, man. Fun to meet you too, bro. Do some work, you know.

If you ever want to do it again, do something completely different than what you did tonight. Oh, you mean bombing the entire place? Talk different than you did. Just do everything different. A lot of people say be yourself, right? But I'm encouraging you, for the first time in the show's history, I'm encouraging you to not be yourself. Do anything else other than what you did tonight. Alright the show's history, I'm encouraging you to not be yourself. Do anything else other than what you did tonight.

All right. You know what? I'll take that to mind. There he goes. Cody held, everyone. Back to Orange County. Love y'all. And we're going to say goodbye. Wow. never gonna say goodbye wow it seems like just earlier this lady's name came up and now i think dreams are about to come true this young lady a legend here on kill tony famously one of the

ladies pulled out of the bucket more than any other human being in the bucket's history she has extreme extreme luck and she uh i believe she's 72 we're gonna talk with her all about it but uh she started here on kill tony and you know she got better and better and better every single time that she came out and uh she absolutely loves the show she's a big big, big piece of the puzzle here. And she's definitely her own flavor. I present to you, Kill Tony fans, the return of the great Aphrodite. Here she is. Wow.

It's the real deal. Aphrodite. How y'all doing? I need to make an announcement. How y'all doing? I need to make an announcement. I'm very proud to let you guys know that I have actually the wettest motherfucking pussy in the history of the Keel Tiny Show. I just wet this tissue up to prove that I got a wet pussy, okay?

I peed on myself in the motherfucking La Jolla 2 show. I peed on myself. So that just eliminates that goddamn Carla Levasco B or Cardio B, whatever her goddamn name is. She stole my motherfucking concept. I'm going to get my motherfucking royalties, bitch. I'm telling you right now. I want y'all to know, I know

some of y'all were, you know, that you might get the Cucci Lerona of the grabbing of the pussy of the virus and the juices flying out the back of your asshole virus. But don't worry about it. Because my cousin Ray-Ray is working on the curve. Yeah. My cousin Ray-Ray is coming up with a new one to help get rid of this shit.

It's called, bitch, get out of my car before I punch you in your motherfucking face vaccine. Oh, yeah, it's going to work. It's a very strong one. There it is. A new minute from the great Aphrodite. Hey, hey. Woo-hoo. Wow. What a sweet, sweet thing you are. I'm so glad to see you again. How are you?

Fantastic. I do not have the Cucci Lerone. So let's talk about your set tonight what do you mean you have a very wet pussy because i peed on myself but what when did that happen on the la jolla 2 show you don't remember i peed on myself i told everybody i peed on myself on the what on the la jolla 2 show when we went on tour. Oh. Remember the second set? I peed on myself. God, you're doing callbacks from last March. So that means I have the wettest pussy in the goddamn key of tiny history. Sometimes we recollect things in our life that we realize that other people don't care about as much as other people.

And one of them was you pissing on yourself. I don't hold that as a near and dear Aphrodite in memory. I've got others in the Rolodex. I just want a credit for the wet ass pussy in the goddamn show history. That's all. Oh, that's right. Why do you call it Kill Tiny? You know it's Kill Tony, right?

I know. I know. But he's a little tiny. I mean, you know. Me? No, I'm just messing with you. You talking about me? Yeah.

I'm just making fun of the show title. Kill Tiny instead of Kill Tony. But why would you call it Kill Tiny? Oh, I get it now. Because you're a little guy. You're a little guy. The fuck do you mean I'm a little guy of the show title. Kill Tiny instead of Kill Tony. Why would you call it Kill Tiny? Because you're a little guy. What the fuck do you mean I'm a little guy? You're mighty though. What the fuck is this supposed to mean? Of all the people to stab me in the back.

What kind of Game of Thrones shit is this? I've always been nice to you. I'm mad. I'm mad. You're bringing out the mouse. And I need some cheese. I miss you, Tony. Welcome back to when tiny guys find out they're tiny. Oh, my goodness.

It really hurts coming from you, Aphrodite. I'm sorry. I don't mean it. I don't mean it. Tony, her whole persona is a pussy piss. Like, just relax. Coming from another tiny... You know older people

pee on themselves all the time, Tony. I'm 65. You're 65 years old. 65, October 10th. What makes you piss yourself? Is it like you laugh and you pee a little? It's just part of getting older, dear. You just piss when you gotta piss? You can laugh and piss. That's what I'm asking. You sneeze and piss. Spicy food, piss? Yeah, just the thought of piss and piss. That's what I'm asking. You sneeze and piss.

Spicy food, piss? Yeah, just the thought of piss and piss. So are you reluctant to hydrate because you're worried? You're like, I might as well be dehydrated otherwise I'm just going to be pissing everywhere I go. Well, I try to watch it because I don't want to pee in public.

Peeing at home is okay but what are you going to do with no diapers? Right. What the fuck is happening? Afro, what have you been doing during this pandemic? You're a very, very social woman. A little fun fact is that the night that everything, absolutely

the final fucking night that everything shut down, you remember that night Afro Dighty? Yes, I do. The final, final night, and everybody knows I'm a young, staunch Republican. So, of course, I don't believe in this shit. I'm going partying. I'm trying to find things to do. Anyway, I'm kidding.

But I remember that the Top Shelf Brass Band was playing that night featuring Aphrodite. And I've always wanted to have a chance to see them. The Comedy Store closed. The Improv was closed, the laugh factory was closed. For the first time ever in Los Angeles, me in Los Angeles, since I was a fucking kid here, I had no spots, nowhere to perform,

no comedy clubs to hang out at. And I looked at my social media, saw Top Shelf and Aphrodite were performing. And Top Shelf, of course, has been featured on the show many a time, so it was Aphrodite. And I walked Top Shelf, of course, has been featured on the show many a time. So it was Aphrodite. And I walked into that New Orleans-style fucking bar. And I had, all by myself, by the way.

The Sassafras. The Sassafras. And I had the best goddamn time having drinks and watching you sing your fucking heart out. It was so cool. Thank you, Tony. Who would have thought that the Top Shelf was Aphrodite's tits?

Never forget that you came out. We still thank you to this day. We'll give you something on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell? Oh, Jesus. Afro, maybe there's some new listeners that

haven't ever heard you sing. Why don't you hit a note real quick for the people at home that have never heard your powerful voice before. I know you're not warmed up, but maybe you could just jump right into something real quick for us. Do you know any real big fish? No, I don't know any big fish. I'm pretty sure one's probably fallen out of her pussy before. Chroma Chris said she only knows big fish. Okie dokie. Here's

Aphrodite giving us a little taste of what her voice sounds like. Here it comes. Here it is. I'm just gonna freestyle something because I wasn't prepared. Exactly what I was hoping you were gonna do. Here's Aphrodite. Oh shit. She's got the band.

Here it comes. Hey, when you know I'm talking to you, you're my lover. I only want to be with you. You make me crave for you all night. I really want to be with you. I never met a man like you. Baby, baby, I never met a man like you. Oh, you make me hot.

Baby, yes, you do. I'm warming up on you. Oh, you make me hot. Baby, yes, you do. I'm warming up on you. You're my... You're my lover. Yes, you are. Wow. Yes, you are. There it is.

You make me want you. Put a big button on it. There you go. Thank you, thank you guys god i miss you all wow that's so lovely afro daddy how i miss that beautiful voice and your beautiful face and your incredible fucking energy thank you so much for joining us i want to let you know that top shelf brass band featuring aphrodite we're going to release a song called I Fell in Love on the 24th this Saturday. Please check us out. There's a lot more coming. I have some singles on my own. Alright, that's enough of your fucking plug.

Alright! Aphrodite, everybody. Yes, thank you. There she goes. Aphrodite. Aphro. Aphrodite. Aphrodite. There's Aphrodite There's Aphrodite Alright

Here we go Lots of ladies on this show tonight Your final comedian out of the bucket goes by the name of Claudia Casalal Casalal Here we go.

So I go to Burning Man, of course. If you're not familiar, Burning Man's where a bunch of rich people spend hundreds, thousands of dollars to spend a week in a hot-ass RV in the middle of the desert doing drugs all day. Poor people have it too, but they call it Bakersfield. Even though I go to Burning Mead, I'm not like into like a bunch of the hippie trippy voodoo stuff. Like I'm not into crystals. Crystals are bullshit. People get so into it. Like they have these huge ass crystals on sale on the West side for like $40,000. Like dude, if you have $40,000 and you want to draw energy from a rock, buy cocaine. One of my burner friends like tried to get me to go on a juice cleanse with her once and I was like, dude, fuck juice. And she was like, uh, that's anti-Semitic. That was my time.

There it is. They nailed it. 58 seconds. That's fun. Did you have fun? I did. How long have you been on stand-up? Like, if I want to be like, how seriously, like a a year and a half, probably. Okay, all of it here in L.A.?

Yeah. How long have you been made of Kool-Aid? I've been a unicorn all my life, thank you. Okay. What do you do for work? So I'm, like, in, you know, this is quarter-life crisis here. I was in tech doing head hunting until May. And then I was like, I'm going to be crazy and like go after my dreams like in a pandemic.

So what dreams? Comedy. Oh, no. What are dreams? And I also like singing stuff. Oh, you do? Can we get a little? What kind of music do you like to sing we get a little, what kind of music

do you like to sing? Evanescence? A lot of. You seem like a big Evanescence fan. You look like a dive bar Billie Eilish. Oh.

All right. She's not a smurf. I was just saying like, I'm like the Billie Eilish person, but I'm not even like the original like Billie Eilish knockoff. Yeah, we know.

Can you do it? You want the band to back? You guys know any Billie Eilish person but I'm not even like the original like Billie Eilish knockoff. Yeah we know. Can you do it? You want the band to back? You guys know any Billie Eilish? No. Can I do like a weird thing I did on TikTok once? It's probably not gonna work. I really wish you just would have left out that you did it on TikTok before.

That makes it seem really cheap to feature it now on this, the number one live podcast in the world but you know what? We'll edit that part out and just say, here's a little something that I wrote just for this. My bad. I'm just kidding.

Go right ahead. This is an impression of Christina Aguilera having a COVID scare. Okay. Every day is so wonderful And suddenly it's hard to breathe That was it. That was it?

Okay, I was waiting for the crazy part or something. It just sounded good. It sounded like Christina Aguilera. So what was the COVID part? It's hard to breathe. You should have ended it with a cough or something. It just sounded good. It sounded like Christina Aguilera. So what was the COVID part? It's hard to breathe. Uh-oh. You should have ended it with a cough or something. I did more of a uh-oh than an uh-oh.

Oh, my bad. I was curious. I wasn't sure it sounded nice. Maybe if you sang like, I tested positive for coronavirus when Christina Aguilera was here. That would make it very clear. Yeah. So, Claudia, what do you do when you're not singing or doing stand up or working

what else about you you seem like you have I've got COVID in a bottle baby come on let me out I'm dirty I do a lot of that I do some like silly podcasting and I paint

I paint like two paintings a year it kind of gets me in my meditative state you know it's nice I did a painting I was inspired when the virus hit and stuff I did a painting of like Trump holding a Corona

that was really fun oh I of like Trump holding a Corona. That was really fun. Oh, I get it. I get it. Yeah. Trump holding a Corona. Like a beer. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. How did it come out? Good? It was awesome. It was actually really funny because I don't know. I was like gonna

include some like quotes and stuff and I was like let's like not have it be political and it actually went to a Trump supporter in the end so it was really fun yeah they have the money to buy things like that right anyway so okay you make art you sing

you do comedy what is what would you consider your specialty what do you think you're best at out of all these different art forms I think you do any poetry? No, not really. I can't really take myself seriously. Are you from Phoenix is a great

question and I also, much like Joel's Orange County pick earlier, I'm going to double down on that. I'm going to even go more specific and say Tempe, Arizona. I'm going to go Phoenix or maybe Sacramento. That's a great third. I'm going to go Phoenix or maybe Sacramento. Ooh, that's a great third. Portland.

Nah, I mean, I actually have been in LA longer than anywhere else now. I've been here eight years. Where are you from, though? Where are you from? Rhode Island. I lived in Fresno for a few years. Oh, shit!

Fresno, for those of you that don't know, the perfect middle between Sacramento and Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah, the Midwest of California. That's fair. The Tempe of California. That's fair. Without a college. You look like if one of the characters from Inside Out became human.

Hey. All right, that was pretty good. All right, I like that. Yeah, that was pretty good. Yeah, that was good. I went to summer camp in Fresno, Riverway Ranch Camp. Cool. Claudia, do you have a boyfriend?

I don't. When's the last time you had one? It's been a couple years. How did it end, the last relationship? He broke up with me. Thank you. Why do you think he broke up with you? It was just like a not working.

I don't know. I guess he just wasn't into me. He said he didn't think that I was into him. He said that he thinks that you're not into him. He's like, look, I don't want to be with you anymore. I feel like you're not into me. To be honest, I think it's like he tried to, he said he was like one of those Jewish guys who wasn't like super Jewish.

But like, I think he really cared cared and like he broke up with me. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop. Hold on. Let's go back. What did you just say about super Jewish? Like he tried to, you know, like how some Jewish people are like religious Jewish and then some people are like, I'm Jewish, you know?

And like he tried to be like the second one. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I got this. I got this. Go ahead, Benji. Okay, so there's very religious Jew-y people who are like, you better be a religious Jew. Then there's just Jews who think they're better than everyone else,

and then they don't want to breed outside other Jews, because a lot of you people turn out like, look around. So it could be that, where he's dating you, and then he's like, fuck, I gotta meet some sort of Jew-y girl. Yeah, he broke up with me on the first day of Hanukkah. Oh my goodness. The first gift. Wow.

Do you at least get to light a candle or anything like that? Or any of the fun, what the Jewish people consider super fun? To be fair, I completely didn't realize it was Hanukkah. Oh, you came over in a Christmas sweater and Rudolph antlers? Fair. I completely didn't realize it was Hanukkah, so... Oh, you came over in a Christmas sweater and Rudolph antlers? She comes over, she just signed a bad loan, bought a Wave Runner, all sorts of Christian shit. She's like, what? It's Hanukkah? Let's make casserole. Isn't that what you guys do, too?

No, we don't. Was that the first Jewish guy you dated? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Now, Benji, a little fun fact about Benji is that you like, you're sort of into it. No, I've grown up. I'm not like that anymore. Really?

I know where you're going with this. You don't like goys anymore? I don't like goys. No, I like goys, but I will still date non-Jews, but I know where you're going with this. Yeah. Yeah. So that's changed. What do you think made you grow up and not be solely into? but I know where you're going with this. Yeah. Yeah. So that's changed. What, why,

what do you think made you grow up and not be a solely into, because I mean, I look at a girl like Claudia and I know your type. We've been very good friends for a long time. Yeah. And what, what do you think? You know,

cause you used to be into girls that maybe they were white. Maybe they had a couple of tattoos. Maybe, you know, just say, say the words, you know, you were into like, like yeah I'm not saying

that Claudia is this right what ethnicity are you Polish super Polish oh yeah that's white as fuck Benji white girls I don't know I just feel like no I'm sure she's a great girl did something happen with a white girl

that had like a multicolored hair tattoos that made you not like them anymore? I've had a lot of, yeah, gnarly things. I mean, it is what they say. Once you go white, you got to take flight. You know what I'm saying? You got to get out of there. All right.

All right. Well, Claudia, any other fun facts about your life that we would be really surprised to know about you? I mean, are there really any surprises at this point? Sometimes. Sometimes people will be like, oh, shit, yeah. You said something about Billie Eilish. Do you sing like her, or is that just the hair, the style? It's just the hair.

When I wear my sweatshirt and I'm all sad looking. You're like Billie Eilish. Yeah. Jesus. I mean, all right, that's pretty good no no what did i want it no he's blind god damn it leave him alone why why though huh why eyelash her name's Eilish, but she looks like an eyelash. Why does she look like an eyelash? No, no, no.

No amount of drums. No amount of drums is going to help this show. She doesn't look like an eyelash. For her to look like an eyelash, she would have to like... Wait a second. Why are you just playing the drums fast? You should have gone with bluey eyelash. Bluey Irish.

I don't have a good idea. I'm pretty good. All right. I'll just open and shut you fucking idiot. Yeah. Kill Tony 2020. Suck it, COVID. All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, Claudia, did you have fun here? I had lots of fun. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on. There she goes. Claudia Casala. Cas on. There she goes. Claudia Casala. Casala. There she goes. Claudia Casala.

Casala. Step back from that ledge, my friend. We're done with the bucket. So let's see what the superhero himself truly truly one of

my favorite human beings on the planet one of my favorite comedians it's time for your third and final regular you know him you love him this was sent in by the great mich Laird. A lot of people are disabled just because they're fat. I've been one in a million disease. You're the burger king. I ain't fucking with you just because we both take Gabapentin. of a pen. My disability is inspiring other people with disabilities to try comedy. Please and then became a comedian, do not contact me. I've been in these comedy streets for like two decades. I'm way too sick to read your sick-ass, trash-ass jokes.

I am not an inspiration. I'm an alcoholic drug addict. I fuck up. You kill yourself. I get sued. My elephant man fingers can't handle the paperwork. I'm not your average disabled guy. I still make love to ladies who can walk. Someone not fastening my wheelchair.

And there you go. Michael L Lair did it again make sure you go to MichaelLairComedy.com and that's another episode of Kill Tony everybody we did it live at the world famous comedy store and while you all sat there doing nothing and enjoying this episode Ryan J. Ebel drew

the entire fucking thing. The entire damn show. Let's look at what we got tonight. Wow, look at that. It's a big truck with my fucking face on the front. And you got Benji in there. You got Red Band. You got the band.

David Lucas and William Montgomery and Michael Lehrer are the wheels. Absolutely incredible. I mean, what a mind-blowing drawing, and to have done all that in the hour and a half that we've been recording this show is fucking incredible. Make sure you check out all these prints at ryanjebelt.com.

Get your own. How about a big hand for our guest tonight, my good friend Benji Aflalo. Benji Aflalo is on all things social media at Benji Aflalo. All one word. B- on all things social media at Benji Aflalo. All one word. B-E-N-J-I-A-F-L-A-L-O. Got it.

Spelling bee champion. Obviously. What else is going on, Benji? I don't know. Nothing really. I got a new car trying to exercise. What kind of car did you get? I got a Tesla.

What kind of Tesla? The Model 3. Nice. Oh, my goodness. That's great. Yeah, I just got tense on it today. By the way, it's a beautiful tax write-off. Ask your tax guy about it because of how much it weighs. It can be considered anyways, we'll talk later,

but I'm talking about getting the whole thing for free kind of write-off. Oh, wow. Look at this. Okay, thank you. How exciting. Wow. Very presidential of you guys to avoid taxes like this. Alright, well congrats on your Tesla. We'll go out and we'll race cars sometime at the track.

Okay. Okay. Alright. Benji Aflalo. How about a big hand for the leader of the band, everybody. Jeremiah Watkins was here all night tonight. Absolutely killing it. That was rustin' wheels the entire time. Great stuff jeremiah uh what else uh i just got a new bag of doritos um things are going pretty well uh and then i have a new

uh one hour special uh it's my first one hour special it's coming out on december 8th uh on amazon prime and you can get on a lot of different outlets and stuff like that, and I'm very excited for that. You can get it pre-ordered at jeremiahwatkins.com. Great stuff. That's Jeremiah. Lift up that hat again. Show the people on the video. Oh, my goodness.

Rust in wheels, blind as a bat. And how about a big hand for the great jet ski, Jesse Johnson, who was here all night tonight. Absolutely incredible. She's selling ornaments that she made with her own bare hands, everybody. I have 75 of them, and you should buy them as well. Go to jetskijohnson.com. You owe me like thousands of dollars now.

Seriously, they're handmade. You can use them for Christmas, but we like to call them anytime ornaments. It's a really cool piece. It's her first ever merch. It's absolutely adorable. These things are incredible. Go to jetskyjohnson.com and support her. That's Jetsky.

Chroma Chris was here tonight on the bass guitar. There he is, the great Chroma Chris. He's on social media at Chroma Chris. What else, Chris? Nothing. You can check me out on Chroma Chris at my social media, but I also got a new YouTube video out on orangeamps.com. That's it.

He's officially sponsored by Orange Amplifiers, and you know who's sponsored by Ludwig Drums, the greatest drum maker in the world. Believe it or not, it's Joel Jimenez, aka Truck Norris. What else is going on, Joel? Nothing. Thank you, Damon, for all the work you do. Watch Alone Together with Benji on it.

It's a really great show. I'm a big, huge fan of it. I'm happy to be here. You guys, tonight was really fun, and I love you guys. Have a good night. Absolutely, it was. The great Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everyone. That's about it. What else, Red Band? Check out DeathSquad.TV. Check out Brothers in Cursive on Patreon.

Thanks a lot, guys. Absolutely. We'll see you guys next week for another fun episode of Kill Tony. Thank you so much, everyone. There you go. Go home. Go home. Wheels up, boys! you you