KILL TONY - KILL TONY #483

Episode Date: November 29, 2020

Brian Moses, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Jeremiah Watkins, Jessie Johnson, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 11/16/2020  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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with the new iced hazelnut oh shaken espresso? Need to cozy up with a tea latte? There should be nothing stopping you from achieving all your goals. You've got this. Think about something you're good at. Now think about how you got there. Think about something you're good at. Now think about how you got there. Chances are you had someone to help you get started. If you're thinking about starting to invest, Questrade's award-winning support team is here to help you learn how to become a better investor. From placing your first trade to setting up customized stock alerts, we're always by your side. Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number one rated online broker by Money Sense. Get started today at Questrade.com. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show, and you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere that's death squad dot tv tony has his own website go to tony hinchcliffe.com there you have everything golden pony including his own tour dates and his merch that's tony hinchcliffe.com

ryan j ebelt he's the house artist he draws episode, and he sells prints of them or books. Go to ryanjebelt.com and pick up some cool Kill Tony stuff. And last but not least, the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe is shopsquad.tv. There you got some Death Squad hats, shirts, and you also got some Kill Tony shirts left. That's at shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of kill tony hey this is red band company live from the world famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of kill tony give it up for t Hedgcliffe. Wow, this is so exciting. Boy, do you feel it just running through your veins?

Oh, my God. Wow, thank you guys so much. Thank you. Hi, Brian. How are you, buddy? I'm doing good. How are you, buddy? I'm great.

Everything's fun. It's good to be back here at the Comedy Store. Yeah. Home sweet home. Home sweet home as they shut down Los Angeles. Yeah, we found out they were going to shut down again. Very, very exciting stuff. But that's not stopping us. That's still a couple days away.

And I'll tell you who's not scared. The great Ryan J. Ebelt is here tonight, everybody, as he is every episode. He draws every single episode of the show, and all those prints are available at ryanj.ebelt.com. He's just an amazing artist. Look, he's already started tonight's episode. Ryan, why don't you give one more wave and a head turn? That's my favorite part now.

That has become my favorite part. It's the best. Shout out to Vito's Pizza, keeping us fed before today's show, and our friend Gino from Speedweed, always hooking us up when we need weed, and also through the great Betterbox Studios, which is where we shot many of the quarantine episodes of Kill Tony.

And here we are for another one. You excited about this, Brian? I am absolutely insane right now with excitement. But before we start all the festivities, this is a little word from our amazing sponsors that made this episode available to you right now. Here they are. Hey, y'all. According to a recent Forbes article, working from home could transform the job market and create global competition for every role. This means that if you're an employer, you're competing with even more employers to find the best candidates for your job.

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That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com. Use the code killtony and find yourself a better life. All right. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what, huh? This is very, very exciting. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy, first time guest on the show, however, been pulled out of the bucket multiple times.

We know this guy. He's a friend of mine. He's a great, great comedian. He's a door guy here at the store, part of the elite Navy SEALs, if you will, of renegade stand-up comedians. And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the great Mitch Burrow, everybody. Wow. Look at this. Moving on up in the world.

Mitch Burrow, everything's shaking for this guy. He's an overnight success, been in the game for eight years. 14. 14 years, wow. The only person to ever go from getting pulled out of the bucket to being a guest. That's right, the only person. The only person to ever go from getting pulled out of the bucket to being a guest. That's right. The only person ever. Yeah. The only person ever. That's never happened before.

Anyway, how's it going, Mitch? How's life? Things are going great. The fans of the show don't know I have a baby on the way. Wow. Look at that. Everybody's got a baby on the way. I do. That first thing about me being the first person to go from bucket to get, that was a lot. But I do really have a baby on the way. Wow. Is this the girl that you've been talking about recently on the show? Yeah, the one that lets me have sex with her and stuff.

Yeah, she let me finish inside. It was great. Whoa, wait. Well, how did you make the baby? You just leave it in a little longer than normal. And it's like, oh, we fucked up. Wow. But we're excited.

We're excited about this mistake. Are you? Yeah. Yeah, we're real excited. Because, you know, babies are fun, man. They fall over and shit. So I'm excited. Things that fall over are fun.

Yeah, I think you're going to be a good dad, though. Me too. Because I like when kids learn on their own. You just let them make mistakes and film it, and then it goes viral. So I'm excited about that. You're going to be one of those dads. You're going to be like bad baby. I am going to exploit this child for everything it's worth.

TikTok the fuck out of that baby. All right, well, speaking of babies, baby. I am gonna exploit this child for everything it's worth. TikTok the fuck out of that baby. Alright, well, speaking of babies, there's a bunch of people that I have to work with every single week. They are a band, ladies and gentlemen. If their costume is babies, that is gonna be insane. Every single episode

they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They've been preparing in the back. Let's all find out together what they are tonight as I present to you the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony Band. Jeremiah Watkins, Jetski Jesse Johnson, and Joel Berg Joel Jimenez. God, we used to have so much fun.

Oh, hey, we know these guys. They're here to deliver the baby. That's right. Baby delivery by FedEx. We've seen these guys before. I believe the last time was in La Jolla, California. You don't forget a bunch of FedEx delivery people when you work with them. How are you, FedEx guy?

Hi, my name's Teresa Teresa and I'm gender fluid. My pronouns are who, what, when, where, why, and they. Teresa. Teresa. Good to see you again, Teresa. And I don't call it male or female. I just call it postage. Wow.

Okay. Thank you. I thought I made it clear in my writer that I would be the only one with a kick-ass mustache on stage tonight. Don't worry. You are. And what's your name, young lady? Hi, I'm Rhonda, the former manager of the Arizona branch. But we have all just transferred recently to the new Austin branch.

Wow. People are moving. People are moving. People are moving. And who are you back there, young Bullwinkle? The name's Clarence, and honestly, I hate it here. It seems like a very irrational decision by my boss to move us to Austin so quickly. I mean, we were so settled in our branch, and then all of a sudden, just a big move happened.

Well, I'm really proud of the team for just going with the flow. Yeah, we couldn't have any more support from our branch. We never get called babies or anything by our superiors, and we're also welcome with a smile every day. You could thank Corona for that also. Don't forget that, guys. Oh, Corona is the name of my if friend. All right. So that's the band.

They're here. We got Mitch. We got Red Band, the soundboard, everything. And I have four people waiting from deep in the back of the room, all spread out, socially distanced, waiting to see if, well, not really if, but when their name will be pulled. to see if, well, not really if, but when their name will be pulled. You know, there used to be at some points up to 150 people's names that they signed in a bucket.

I would just pull them out. Yeah, even more than that. So different. Instead, here we go. We know what we're in for. I'll tell you from this angle, it looks pretty exciting. So let's have some fun. Let's start the show.

But there's no better way to do it than with a real fucking ace in the hole. You know what I mean? A real fucking go-getter. A real fucking little dirty dirt ball. This guy right here kicking off the show, one of my favorite human beings, an unbelievable comedian, a new minute every single week. He's the big red machine, everybody. It's the great William Montgomery.

Here he is. Here he is. The great William Montgomery. Every night I lay in bed staring at the ceiling hoping that the Miss Piggy poster doesn't fall on me. Anyways, have you ever seen Miss Piggy naked? I'll send you the link. Did you all hear about the money Harvard gave back

when they heard it was from Jeffrey Epstein? Just kidding. Harvard condones that. Kamala Harris has come out against legalizing prostitution unless it involves sleeping with the mayor of San Francisco to boost your career on the one hand I feel bad about slavery on the other hand I watch documentaries about Africa and I'm like damn y'all better be glad you boarded the ship. All right. All right. Cutting it up a little early there.

51 seconds. I like it. I was hoping it would be close to a minute, but it was nine seconds off. You really? Yep. You really? You really? That was great, William.

How about a bit of another hand for William, everybody? Come on. Out here, still writing jokes, writing a new minute every single week. Not easy to do. A lot of these people on this show, it's their first time or it's the return of them not being here for months. You have the toughest job, and every week you just shine over there, don't you? Why are you making that face, William? Zach, can you zoom in on William's face?

Why is he making that? He looks like a bad boy. What's happening? Awkward conversation starter. William and I dated a time ago. We did. It was nice. I loved it. William, why are you making that face tonight? What's going on? I don't know. I'm not meeting to. What face am I making? Hey, William, I might have missed one of your jokes. What was the one about Africa again? Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't do that one again.

Out of all the ones. I wasn't sure if I missed it or not. No, you just basically. Have you ever seen the documentaries about Africa? Beautiful place. I know it is beautiful. David Attenborough does a great job. I know, I love it there.

Got a new hat there. What's the F stand for? For Florida Gators. William, what's up with the face that you're making tonight? I know, I mean, the light is making me do it. Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline, Tony. Is everything okay? No, the light's making me do it. Did you eat acid before tonight's show? What's going on? What did you do today, William?

What did I do? I ate some tamales Where did you do that at? In the kitchen? It's a place What is the place called? It's called like the tamale kitchen That seems pretty on the nose

Do you think William has ever told you the truth about it? No I don't think so Yeah the tamale kitchen It was really good I had a chicken and green chili tamale. Wow. Yeah, it was really good. Wow.

Just a couple tamales? That's all you had? Yeah, a couple tamales and a couple of chicken. What are those things called? You put stuff in the middle of them. Tacos? Yeah, tacos. I had two tacos as well.

Sometimes if I eat a lot of tamales, I call them too many. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck? I'm going to start using that. That was funny. Yeah, dude, you can have it. That's exciting about your child. Oh, don't talk about my child.

Oh, look at that. Look who's questioning the guests all of a sudden. Can I be the grandfather? Look at the new host of the show, everybody. Look at this fucking guy. Can I be the grandfather? Look at the new host of the show, everybody. Look at this fucking guy. Can I be the grandfather? Can I? William, what else happened this week?

Any other highlights of your week this week? Anything stand out to you? I almost saw, I thought I was seeing my girlfriend's grandfather die. That was pretty exciting. You got to say that? Not in a good way, but a scary way. Yeah. What happened?

She met you? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to have fun in here tonight. What happened with the grandfather? Had a bad seizure. Was it a stroke? Yeah, it was like a stroke slash seizure.

My God, how old was he? So now I've turned into his personal chauffeur, which I didn't sign up for that. Did you bring him with you here tonight? Yeah, I think he's in the bathroom still maybe. There's just a seizureed out girlfriend's grandfather? Correct. Did you perform, were you like a first responder? Did I perform oral?

Why did you ask me that? Why did you ask me that? Why did you ask me that? That seems weird. To help him say a lot. Yeah, like when he started having the seizure, did you try to help him? What happened? What were you doing? I was just watching.

What am I going to do? Can you give us an impression of you watching the grandfather? Wow. And you just the grandfather? Wow. And you just did nothing? What was he doing? Well, the ambulance people came. Can you do an impression? Can you look at that camera there that Zach's behind

and do an impression of the grandpa having a seizure? That's what a seizure looks like? That's what you've been doing the whole time up here tonight. That's the face I was asking you why you're making. What's going on in that house? What did you have, seizure tamales? He had little seizures. That's great.

So when he was having a seizure, you just sat there and stared at him the whole time? Well, the paramedics came. Well, I mean, they came like 10 minutes later. Well, if he would have done anything, that's a legal search and seizure. What does that mean? You know what that means, William. I do know what that means. Wow.

So your grandfather had a seizure, but he survived. He's alive. He's alive. Yes. What are you guys keeping him? It sounds like you're just saying that he's alive so you can collect his, like, unemployment benefits or something. Are you guys collecting a check on this guy?

Yes. Wow, look at that. Is he in, like, a vegetative state? No, he seems normal. Everything's all right. Yeah, he seems really normal. I think that's the first time Mitch has ever said vegetative before. He's never seen a vegetative, and he's never said a vegetative before.

Man, well, you also got in a car accident. Whoa. Oh, yeah, I did. I was... Who gets reminded of that shit? Oh, yeah, I did. I went to a McDonald's on Friday morning, and I was leaving the McDonald's. And before that, my –

Breakfast. Breakfast at McDonald's. Yeah. What did you get? Two sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits and a hash brown. You went with the biscuits, huh? Two of them. And a single hash brown?

What did you wash that down with? Water. Water? Gross. I was real dehydrated. I don't take you as a water guy. I picture you the orange high C. Yeah, I go for the orange drink instead of the orange juice.

I got the water, and up to this point, my car door wasn't locking properly, so I had to hold it when I was driving. Hold on, William. I'm sorry. Red Band just said that that was like a normal thing. I prefer the orange soda pop to the orange juice for breakfast. Didn't you as a kid

rather have the orange drink? This is why you're fatter than me now. Orange juice has way more sugar than the orange juice. My goodness. Substituting orange juice for the orange drink. I mean, I was making a joke about it.

I don't do that now, but as a kid I used to do that. The Heisty was awesome when you played sports and they had that big yellow container. You didn't play sports? I have a question. As a kid, did you have an E-Trike? An E-Trike has been called on the field. They don't even have those. But they should. Red Band's new business.

E-trikes. Yeah, so I'm taking a left out of the McDonald's and a... Is it a two-lane or a four-lane? It's a four-lane. Oh, boy. You're making a left out on a four-lane? I am. Did it identify as a highway or a traffic road i think an expressway

okay maybe it was a byway buying i think it was an expressway go ahead william you're making so i'm taking a left and next thing i know i was hung over i wasn't in my right mind i was looking at my sausage biscuits and i pull out and you're you're pulling out what, the biscuits? No, just my car. Your pull-out game is even worse than Mitch Burrow. Well, in this situation, it was. I was taking a left. I was pulling out of the McDonald's driveway, and next thing I know, somebody's to my left, screeching their tires, hawking.

Well, that means you didn't look. I missed it somehow. I've never been in a car crash. I've never been in a car crash. I've never been in a car crash. Let me ask you this. Did you eat your biscuits yet? No, not yet. They're just in your bag?

Are you by yourself? I had to wait like an hour later. It turned into a whole ordeal. Are you by yourself on this trip? I'm by myself. Really? Yeah. So the bag's just sitting on the passenger seat.

It's sitting on the passenger seat. I slam on the brakes. Why do you slam on the brakes? Because the lady's coming at me. She sl slam on the brakes. Why do you slam on the brakes? Because the lady's coming out, me. She slams on the brakes. If you would have hit the gas, you probably would have been fine. I don't know. People were coming on the other way. Jesus, what did you do?

There's traffic everywhere. Did you just not look at all? Were you still drunk? I can't remember. You just kept the momentum that you had in the parking lot just going. It sounds like a suicide mission that you were on. The only time you hit the brakes was when you saw a car screeching. When she was right there to my left, I hit the brakes.

My fucking door flings open because it doesn't lock correctly. His passenger side door doesn't shut correctly, so it just flung. Shut up. So my door, my driver's side side door when i hit the brakes really hard it flings open very hard and it slams into the front of her car so the door flies open does your food fly out of the door no it's just there and i'm just looking at the lady and i did it did you put a seat belt on your bag of mcdonald's i put my food in a car seat it was on the floor i have a baby seat for my car it was on the floor. And then I was wondering if I should just drive off.

She was looking very angry. Why would you think that? Of course you wouldn't do that. Yeah. What, drive off? Turn this basic fender bender into a felony hit and run. I know I didn't. Wait, what?

What'd you do? He thought about driving off. I thought about driving off. Of course he did. No, he's a wild man. That's how they think. This is our first reaction. He's a rebel. Look at the way he's a wild man. That's how they think. This is our first reaction. He's a rebel.

Look at the way he's built. The police would never find you either. Be on the lookout for a car that when you hit the brakes, the passenger door swings open. Right. I'm guessing you drank a lot, a shitload the night before. You were probably still drunk. Yep. I wouldn't necessarily say that, but I was hungover.

I've been doing real good on the drinking recently. It doesn't really seem like it. over. I've been doing real good on the drinking recently. It doesn't really seem like it. You're hung over, not looking either direction, pulling out of a McDonald's, causing massive accidents. What happened to the lady that hit you? Was she hurt? No, she was pregnant. You pulled out in front of my girlfriend? It's a pregnant Hispanic lady. What are the odds?

at Hispanic lady. What are the odds? Never heard of one of those. We met up in a neighborhood and we exchanged information, but I didn't get her information. She just got mine. Oh, that's great, William. Great job. I just wanted to get out of the situation.

I didn't want the cops to come. Oh, boy. Well, she probably doesn't have a driver's license or car insurance. She said it was her boss's car, and now I'm waiting. Now I'm waiting to get a text back. What kind of car was it? What kind of car was it? I think a Toyota Camry.

Oh, jeez. What kind of boss drives a Toyota Camry? My God. Yeah, I don't know. I'm still waiting to hear back. I don't think you're going to. You're back. I haven't heard back.

No, you were the best person for this lady to run into because she's definitely never going to reach out to me. Well, how is her car going to get fixed? Well, El Jefe is going to take care of it. I hope it didn't sound like he was. My dad's busy, dude. I'm a little worried about it. I'm not kidding.

I'm a little worried about it. I haven't heard back. Hell, yeah. What else, William? Anything else? What happened then? Is your cart ruined? No, I actually took it to a really nice man,

and he fixed all the locks for free because there was a recall on the locks. Oh. Fixed the locks? Yeah, he fixed all four. Your passenger side door closes now? Well, all of them but the driver's side shut, but now they're all fixed. My only issue with that is I've never had doors open just because they weren't locked. No, no, his door wouldn't shut.

It would shut, but then if you went around the corner, you could fly out the side of the car. I left it like that for like a week or two. I put on the car alarm and nobody just tried to open the door because the door would have just come open. I feel like people who just had to ride with William long enough just eventually sabotaged it so that they could get out easier. William, I'm going to ask you a question that I've asked

you a few times up here. Are you really saying that this squinting thing that you're doing tonight is because of the same exact thing? Kind of. I'm not even... In fact, I believe they turned the lights slightly down. Yeah, they did. Yeah. Who the fuck is that?

That's your... Do you want to shut up? Yeah, I can't hear you. Oh! You don't mess with that guy. I'm kidding, Raphael. I'm kidding. He's kidding. He's just kidding. Damn it.

I'm goofing. It's even brighter. Look at the look on his face. Zach, you get in on it. It's just incredible. Are you on some kind of medication right now? Some pills or something? Because of pills?

Xanax. Did you cry all night? Did you try Xanax? I'm kidding. No, no. It's been a while since I've done that. All right. Yeah, it's been years.

Okay. What happens when you take Xanax? I get on autopilot and I wake up the next day and I look at my telephone and wonder what I spoke to so-and-so about for 15 minutes. Somebody you haven't talked to in years. That's what happens when I take Xanax. I black the fuck out, and I call people, and I look at my phone, and I talk to them for 15, 20 minutes, and I just worry about what I say. That's perfect. You keep on repeating the same questions over and over and over and over again, too,

when you do that. I could. repeating the same questions over and over and over and over again, too, when you do that. I could. Yeah. William, I'm convinced you're holding in pooping your pants right now. I'm just going to let you go. It really does.

I think those tamales are brewing. I kind of do have to take a shit. I kind of honestly do. I really can tell you really wear it on your face the whole time. It just looks like you had to shit. Now it really looks like you have to shit. You could be the first person to poop your pants. What if we just keep you up here the whole episode? Put him right there so he has to sit here.

William, thank you so much. Another unbelievable performance. Fun times. The great William Montgomery, everybody. And it has begun. The show has begun. I reach my hand in the bucket. What a stud.

William Montgomery. All right. The great David Deary over here switching out the microphones. The backbone of Kill Tony sanitizing the mic stand. Can't see, but he went over with one of those steamers beforehand. He grazed it with spritz. Before we moved to Austin, I used to be the backbone of this band. Okay.

Thank you so much, Clarence, everybody. Clarence. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping! Romo code searching! It takes skill, speed, sweat! Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet,

and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney+, and Amazon Prime prime all starting at just 99 a month stack more spend less the happy stack only at kudo conditions apply all right pulling a name out of the bucket here's moha everyone it's time for moha this guy's been on the show before he's back last time he was on we found out he had a third nipple. This should be exciting.

It's Mohawk. What's up, guys? I'm Somalian. Every time I say that, people will be like, they think I'm aggressive because of the Somali pirates and, you know, Captain Phillips. I'm the captain. I'm also Swedish, the most friendliest country. I grew up in Sweden most of my life, Stockholm.

And in Sweden, when we walk up to guys, even if they're guys, we go up and we go, hey, what's up, bro? We give each other kisses on both cheeks, hug each other real tight, rub each other's back, give each other compliments. You smell really good, bro. So we are borderline gays, but we are very friendly.

Not gays at all, right? So you got that side of me. And also in America when you beef with somebody and it's over, you shake hands. We just walk up to each other in Stockholm and just start making out with each other. I'm sorry, bro. But we're not gay. We're just

very friendly. Borderline gay. And lately, guys, I've been hitting, I've been lucky with the ladies. I've been hitting out of the park. Every girl I go home to, I've been hitting, I've been lucky with the ladies. I've been hitting out of the park. Every girl I go home to, I've been smacking. Every girl that takes me to her house, I've been hitting. It's because of this little thing called rape, guys. Surprised?

So was she, by the way. I'm the captain now. Whoa. Frightening set. Step on into the light, Moha. Take a big step forward there so that light can get you all in it. Spotlight's a little dark. Did you say you're from Stockholm?

Yes. It's weird. You seem like you have a different type of syndrome. I'm Somalian, but I was raised in Stockholm all my life. Oh, you didn't get it. No, sorry. No, it's great. Welcome back, Moha.

So remind us, how long you been doing stand-up comedy? I started writing in March, and I started doing mics in June, July. How's that been going for you? Great. What happens out there? You go out there? I've done mics, Gary's, Joel's, Bill's, Ted's. I've been trying to do two, three mics a day now.

Me too. That's only like five months. So the good news is you haven't invested that much time into it You can still quit I'm not quitting bro You're not going to get rid of me It's my dream It's like those women that you raped in that joke

I'm not going to get you to stop I quit that You're forcing yourself upon stand up right now They keep saying no no means no. Please stop. So what are you, what are, what's doing mics like during this time? Because I don't really know. Nobody can really fathom

what the open mic scene in Los Angeles is like, so tell us. Less, and it's a lot of parks, a lot of outdoors. Punks? Parks. Parks. Parks. Sorry, English is my third language. A lot of parks. Alright, geez, whatever. A couple of outdoors. Punks? Parks. Parks. Sorry, English is my third language. A lot of parks. All right, geez, whatever. A couple of indoors.

It's probably a lot of... Sounds like it's your fourth language. It is. It's a lot more comics, isn't it? Like, there's not really audiences anymore. It's more just comics. No, that's the thing. You're doing mics, and you're getting no laughs,

because it's just a bunch of comics. And they're like, who the fuck is this guy? Oh, that's why. So you just have to keep doing your thing. Does it feel like it's a hard time to be doing it or a good time you feel like you have an advantage because if stuff was booming there'd be more fish in the sea or whatever i feel like it's harder to do comedy now because nobody's paying attention to you said but you like the struggle i like it because i feel like once we get audiences, I might get some laughs then.

Maybe. Yeah. Look, you got one guy laughing at you right now. Your hopes and dreams. Just the voice of God just cackling in the back. He's like, well, I feel like one day when I get a chance with an audience, I'm going to do pretty good. Somebody's just like. Yeah, it might be the exact opposite.

You have like a false sense. Right. You know, your act because no one's telling you. You're only, what if you're only good during pandemics? Who said I'm good? You haven't said nothing yet. You're right. Nobody did. That's a really great point, Mo, huh?

But I mean, yeah, you tried. What did we talk about tonight? Somali in this, I'm the captain now, and then what? What was the part where you made out with the microphone? What was that? Oh, so I was saying, like, I'm Somalian, but I also have Swedish in me because I grew up there most of my life. And in Sweden, you know, we are very, like, friendly guys.

We kiss each other on both cheeks. And we give each other hugs. We don't mind rubbing and giving each other compliments. Oh, forget Austin. Tony's moving to Sweden. Oh my god. Oh my god. The backbone of the band. Jetski, you are the best and indeed

the backbone of the band. I thought you were going to say indeed I'm moving to Sweden. I've been to Sweden. It is Sweden. I've been to Sweden. It is unbelievable. I've been to Stockholm. Thanks. Absolutely incredible. It reminded me of being inside

of an incredible snow globe or something like that. I thought you were going to say being inside of a man. It's okay. All right. One tip I would give. Come on.

You guys do the same jokes every week. Oh, Red Band's getting hungry. One tip I would actually give you, though, your accent is pretty good. Like, you can understand you, but you do kind of go a little bit faster. So, like, when you were doing the joke about kissing your friends and stuff, I missed the whole part, like, that's in Sweden, that was a thing. So maybe emphasize, like, major parts of your act a little bit more so that it gets to the audience.

Cause that's an important part. Cause you just said, start saying that you were making out with people like, wait, what the fuck is he talking about? And if you're going to do it, don't make out with the microphone. It's frightening.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Also, I was trying to make sure I hit that minute. No, go over. Well, thank you for the advice. I mean, the most, I appreciate that. Also, I was trying to make sure I hit that minute. Thank you for the advice. It was a queef.

The most important thing is doing it at a pace that works for you. Look at you. What else has been happening? If you would have just cut out the rape stuff, you could have talked slower and then not gone over a minute. What was the rape stuff? I missed that part. Yeah, it's really hard to... This is what's good,

is your set raises a lot of questions about what you were talking about. I mean, if you'd listen to it, I'm sure... You should do, like, Q&As. You should just do, like, three-minute sets when you headline. Just do three minutes and then take 40 minutes of questions afterwards.

Oh, yeah, what was the one about... So, comedy with the Q&A right after. What? Comedy and then Q&A after. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah, I think that's the biggest hurdle you're going to have when you have a real audience in front of you,

especially since an audience is also a lot more loud. You know, they're talking, they're shuffling, they're making noises and stuff. So those little kind of words and stuff, you got to really make sure it comes through because if not, you're just sitting up there talking and they're like, what the fuck? What else is going on at these mics? Any drama, anything like

that? Because when I was doing open mics, people were getting arguments. There was a bunch of little fucking slutty comedians. There was all this stuff going on, right? Oh, yeah. All that and more. Like what? Give us something from your own life. I mean, we... Come on. Give us something good. I don't know. You probably know this is a comic. We hang out till like 5 in the morning. Sure. We don't eat late at the Hollywood

Tire or something. Yeah. So what happened? We roast each other like for hours. Come on. Give me one good memory. You've been doing it a few months now. You're going to all these mics. You're hanging out till 5 a.m. What's something crazy that happened? Oh, we did a mic. We went to this mic place we always go to. And then there was like a bunch of punk rock star people and goth girls. And we're like, what the hell is going on?

What was the last thing? Godzilla? Goth. Goth girls. Goth girls. Wow. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? And they said, yo, we had a show earlier.

And they ended up staying. That was the only time we had an audience actually and they were in the front and it was fun and then they were on drugs and doing all kinds of crazy shit it was funny man wow that's crazy did you find out who the band was I don't know who the band was it was a bunch of different people with their audience

were they laughing yeah they enjoyed the comedy they were on drugs everybody loves comedy. They didn't expect the comedy. They were on drugs. Yeah. Everybody loves comedy when they don't expect it. You know what I'm saying? You do drugs? Just smoke, that's it.

I mean, if you were on drugs, Tony, and this guy walked up in front of you, you would lose your shit. I bet. Your hair would be trippy. Since the 80s rapist. You ever try any other drugs? You ever try like Somali? Oh yeah, in Somali we have this thing called

cat leaves. That deserves more audience. No, it's okay. That's one of the ones that's what we call a slow builder, but you would need an actual audience. Yeah, that joke takes about an hour to kick in. Yeah, that's a that one is a... You got to drink extra water, too.

Stay hydrated with that. What else, dude? What's your love life like? You out there just fucking terrorizing innocent young women? Actually, I'm still trying to get some dates on these apps. You can talk the rape, but can you walk the rape? No, I can't. No.

No? When's the last time you got laid? What was that like? You can talk the rape, but can you walk the rape? No, I can't. When's the last time you got laid? What was that like? It was a couple of months ago. It was amazing. I imagine a lot of clawing and scratching. No, it was a lot of balls deep action. Balls deep action?

Just the nuts hanging out. Jesus Christ. My goodness. Where'd you meet that girl? FedEx. This app called Bumble. Oh, you did? Did you meet her somewhere or did you take her somewhere? I mean, we went out on a date, outdoor patio, and then we went back to her.

When you come, what sound do you make? Oh! That's a classic for the long time That worked almost perfect It was the exact same sound That's the sound I make It really was pretty crazy Hit the note of the sound effect Alright, Moja

Anything else? Hey, follow me on Instagram Alright, shut up, dude Jesus fucking Christ Thank you, guys There he goes, Moja. Anything else? Hey, follow me on Instagram. All right, shut up, dude. Jesus fucking Christ. Thank you, guys. There he goes. Moja, everybody. You know, Mitch is from the great state of Georgia.

Mitch from Georgia. Also a Marine. Veteran, yeah. A veteran of the United States Marine Corps? Yeah. Oh, you're welcome. So let me ask you something. You're a Marine.

You're from Georgia. What is seeing a guy that looks like Mohawk, what does that make you feel like? What if that guy was like, hey, I'm moving in next door to you and yours. Sorry if you don't understand me. It's my third language. No, it's great. Come on in. I don't know why you would ask me that.

Yeah, right. Whatever. I don't believe that for a second. He's my third language. No, it's great. Come on in. I don't know why you would ask me that. Yeah, right. Whatever. I don't believe that for a second. He's calling it an airstrike. Where's the gun? There's no gun. What if that soundboard gave me PTSD? Like, I just fucking...

Do you talk under the desk? You start crying. What if that soundboard gave me PTSD? Like I just fucked it. Do you talk under the desk? You start crying. I'll fix you. All right. Let's keep having fun here. Ladies and gentlemen, I pulled another name out of the bucket. This name is Mario Tanti.

Here we go. Mario Tanti. Mario Tanti. Here he is. Mario Tanti Mario Tanti Here he is, Mario Tanti Back in high school I had a friend that would always try to get me to listen to the band Primus But I could never get into it because he had a lisp and he would call them Primeth Lately I've been watching a lot of 90s movies that I grew up on but now that I'm older they're starting to make me sad like I'm always halfway through Clueless before I realize that Brittany Murphy's dead

I watched a few Spike Lee movies to try and educate myself on black history apparently that's not how that works all it did was teach me that I'm the white devil. I think suicide girls' tattoos are annoying. It's like, we get it. You love the movie The Crow, but do you need the entire script tattooed on the inside of your pussy? A lot of girls on dating apps now,

they're only there to promote their OnlyFans Or they want you to spoil them And it's like the nerve of these whores You know Not wanting to give their pussy away For free anymore Wow Mario Tanti Coming in

Pure momentum The whole way through An incredible minute of comedy, my friend. Thank you. You're doing it, huh? You're just out there fucking writing real jokes. I appreciate that so much. Thank you.

Killing it. I could tell that he was a writer, by the way. When he walked up, he didn't swing his arms at all. Yep. You were on a fucking mission tonight. It's the lack of confidence. He's not wasting any more energy walking. Pure focus.

Straight to the fucking point. Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. Thank you. Incredible. What have you been doing? What's changed since the last time we saw you? Because that's your best set I think I've ever seen. Thank you.

I think it was too. It was great the whole time. That was my best set, everyone. Thank you. I appreciate it. There you go. Exactly. Sometimes you have to remind them.

There's a global pandemic happening. I'm not up to much lately. I'm just doing the yoga five days a week. Oh, that's helping you. Yeah, it is. That's helping you. Is it, you think? Yeah.

Do I look taller? What does that make you think when you hear him talking about doing yoga five days a week? Well, I know he does it at the park near your house, and I'm wondering if you have seen Tony yet. I haven't. I've seen Rick Kosick, and that's it. I saw Alex Hooper there one day. That was it. Yep, that makes sense.

I'd like to get into yoga. Yeah, yoga would probably like to get into yoga. I don't even know what that means. But, yeah, have you ever tried it before? How far can you stretch? Have you ever tried to touch your toes? I can touch my toes. It's just I don't like's that sit down thing where you're

on your shins i don't know if you know this but red band can suck his own dick pre-covid come on that's the only that's the only red band famously on the uh in front of a massive theater in what toronto or something like that i thought it was the memories that i have of like shit that i've seen looking out that way wait he sucked his own dick on stage well basically he did do the thing and i mean his butt did end up just he laid down on his back that's how he did it he brought his legs and butt and it just folded like a goddamn fucking waffle machine it's pretty good like a fucking george foreman grill it was just sort of open i can only kiss the tip of it, though, and that's gross. Who wants to just kiss a dick?

Why would you tease yourself like that? That's how you make your little George Foreman grill tease. A couple months ago, I had a dream that I could suck my own dick, and it was weird. I had a dream that I could suck my own dick. I think we've all had that dream. It felt like I was sucking my thumb. It was weird.

If you're homophobic, it's a nightmare. Hasn't everyone tried to suck their own dick once? At least try. Come on, bro. Jesus Christ. Look, I can do it. It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's boring. You can deep throat yourself.

Fun fact, if you do a bukkake on yourself, it's called a yukake. Thank you. Unlocked a new a yukake. Thank you. Unlocked a new level with that joke. Thank you very much. So, Mario, what else has been happening? Now that you're doing yoga five times a week, how's your body reacting to that? What else is happening? I breathe better.

It's weird. I can breathe in easier. You look like you might have had sinus issues. I do. I have. I'm very like. Which means you look Jewish. I'm very phlegmy

from all the smoking and shit. You're what? I'm phlegmy from all the smoking that I've done. What kind of smoking do you do? I used to smoke. I haven't had a cigarette in like two years, but I smoke weed here and there. What brand cigarette? Hold on. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Camel Lights. No. Parliaments American spirit Virginia flams Marlboro red Newports Holy shit Does anybody have a Newport

I just want one We have unlocked an Italian guy that looks Jewish And smokes like a black man. And can also suck his own dick, apparently. Yeah, only in his dreams. Yeah, in your dreams. You're like, yeah, I had that last night. Why Newport's, though?

Just from high school, that's what we would smoke. Let me ask you this. When you had a dream about sucking your own dick, did you do it on your back with your feet over your head, or was your butt planted and you did the hard lean? He did it on his stomach and wrapped it all the way around

and fed it like one of those beer helmets into his mouth. I think I was just like sitting up in bed. One side of Newport, the other side of his own cock. When I picture this guy sucking his own dick, I just picture him standing up and then just bending over in half.

Yeah, I'll be able to do it. Wow, look at that. Like those birds that drink the water? A few more months and I'm out. Well, in the dream, the dick just bending over and half. Yeah, I'll be able to do it. Wow, look at that. Like those birds that drink the water? A few more months. Well, in the dream, the dick just came off his body. As soon as I can suck my own dick, I'm done with the yoga. Wow. It's not good.

What? The sucking dick thing. It's just like it's a horrible idea. In your head, you just think it's a great idea. Hey, look who it is well sam tripoli ladies and gentlemen comedy store royalty walking through the room right there sam sam take a step right there look at that camera from right there say wave to these people actually there's not going to be any light on you there he is look at that sam tripoli there he is

multiple time kill tony, of course. Many of his own shows. The Tin Foil Hat Podcast. What's that? Are you all moving to Austin? No, I don't think everybody. We're already there. Are we being transferred to Austin, Tony? No, no. I think you guys are going to stay back.

No, we're going to figure it out. You guys are our road date babies, probably. Yeah. Maybe we can get UPS to figure it out. You guys are our road date babies, probably. Yeah. Maybe we can get UPS to send you out there. Sam, what's happening in the world? What's shaking with you? What are you up to?

You know, just fight lizard people, bro. Fight lizard people. Absolutely. Taking control of the pedophile zombies. That stole the election. Yep. Don't ask. Yep. All right. Thank you. stole the election. Yep. Yep.

All right. Thank you. And one more time for the great Sam Stripling. Check out his Patreon he does with Brian Callen. Very popular right now. Yeah. Conspiracy Social Club.

Okay. Next week. Or wait. Maybe not next week. Come wait, maybe not next week. Come to Austin. Yeah, come to... Yeah, I don't know if you... Wow, is this my internal monologue

shouting from the dark? Are you guys moving? Nobody said anything to us yet. Hello, Tony? Why aren't you responding to my text messages? We found out we were being transferred from Twitter. We were supposed to have a meeting before, but you guys only come out of your fucking hut for pizza,

and then you scurry back in. Yeah, pizza hut. Did I make it on as a guest, and now you're moving to Austin? No, come on, Mitch. You're going to be just fine. You have a baby on the way. You need to raise your child. Do you want to come to Austin with us?

Sure. There you go. He's moving on. Play a song for this man, you peasants. You son of a bitch. I was going to take the order, but then you called us a peasant. All right. Mario, anything else we need to know about you before we let you go?

No, that's it. There he goes. Great set. Great time, Mario Tanti. We're keeping it moving. Bye, Sharona. All right, Mario Tanti. We're keeping it moving. Bye, Sharona. All right. This is fun.

This young lady, I believe, made her debut about a month ago or something like that. She's back. Here is Jill D'Souza, everyone. Here we go. Jill D'Souza. Hi, guys. So when I was growing up, I played mostly men's and boys' sports, mostly ice hockey.

Good news is, though, is that I saw a lot of dicks. So, like, I knew what I was getting into when I really got into the game. A lot of people get surprised, you know, but not me. A lot of people think that my dad is the reason behind this, like that he really wanted a boy but actually my dad hated when I would do boyish shit like burp or like call him a pussy for crying at the humane society commercial he really hated that shit but my mom was actually the one behind it she actually Karen'd me in every sport that I ever played I wasn't even good I

would like chug orange juice to try to puke so that the coach didn't put me on. Yeah, it's a true story. It's really sad. But I think that my mom was actually just trying to, like, live her lesbian dreams through me. That's a whole other story. It's too much for the minute. But, um,

so, like, a lot of people think that, like, oh, I'd be really good with guys, right? Because, like, I hung be really good with guys. Right. Because like I, I hung out with guys that much. Um, but the truth is whenever I would like lean in for a move after a date, um, I would think it would be going well and he would be like,

chill bro. That's gay. Jill D'Souza, everybody. Welcome back, Jill. Thanks. How's it going? Good.

How long have you been on stand-up? About three years. Three years. In New York, is that right? Yeah, mostly New York. I just went here in May. That's right. Yeah.

How's that been going? Have you been running into Moha on the open mic circuit? I actually have. Wow. Yeah, I've seen Moha around. Yeah, you don't forget that fucking head. Yeah. Was he balls deep in you?

Absolutely not. No, of course. Come on, red band. I'm not hanging out until 5 a.m. I got shit to do. Right. Like, wow, what type of shit do you have to do? I have a job.

What's your job? I work in corporate innovation. I have a good title, corporate innovation. I have an MBA and everything. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, but my job is on the East Coast, so I have an MBA and everything. Oh my goodness. Yeah, but my job is on the East Coast, so I have to be up really early.

Okay. Yeah, I'm just working from home. And you do it on Zoom or something like that? Yeah, pretty much. You said that you had a story about your mom, lesbian, something that was too long for this, but now I'm intrigued. What are you talking about? Oh, I don't know. Me and my gay cousin were talking about this and we think that my mom is like a dyke low-key is your gay is your gay cousin

a boy or a girl a boy are you a lesbian i'm not you would think so right because i dress like i mean i thought just because you you said the word dyke and then i think you're they're the only ones that are allowed to say that. I know. So that's actually part of the longer bit is that like I'm allowed to say dyke because I dress like this. I don't think that's how it works. No, it's not. You have to be the thing. Like black people can say the n-word and I

can say faggot. But everyone thought I was a lesbian. Oh, you could say faggot? That's interesting. I can say e-bike. My sister's a lesbian and she said the only people that are allowed to say dyke are people who eat pussy. But what if everyone thought I was a dyke for like half of my life? Then am I allowed to say it? Why would they think that, though?

You don't look anything like one. I didn't look like this until like two years ago. What did you look like before? You guys could look at my MySpace if you want. MySpace? What the fuck? Then you could look at my MySpace if you want. MySpace? What the fuck? Then you'll know what I really looked like back then. Can't you just describe it?

I looked like a different person, too, on MySpace as well. Oh, really? Yeah. Are you 40? Who the fuck was on MySpace? Yeah. I'm 26. You were seven years old when MySpace was out.

I hope people weren't looking at a seven-year-old and being like, look at that dyke. I was like 13. Yeah, probably. I mean, I did that to my sister all the time, but that's just what brothers do. I feel like your sister's going to come for me now because she's going to watch this episode and she's going to see me say dyke and she's going to be like that. I don't think you're a real dyke. I think you're like a powerless.

You're like an e-dyke. Yeah. There you go. That's for the long time compliment right that's a compliment yeah low energy low energy i don't know what to do with that yeah all right uh but do you have a boyfriend now i don't how long you been single for i don't know a long have you been single for? I don't know. A while. A long time. Years. Geez. Why do you think that is? Yeah. I don't know. I don't have a lot of time, I think.

I don't know. I think that's it. Wait, you're going to die soon? You have ALS? Are you lonely? Do you ever get lonely? Not really. I don't know.

I've lived by myself for a long time, so I like it. Well, I don't think you even know what it's like being with somebody. That's what it seems like to me. Like, how would you even know? When's the last relationship that you were in? 2018 is my last relationship. Oh, that was only two years ago. Jeez.

Okay, so two years ago. That's not that long. How long did that relationship last? Like five years. Wow! Yeah. Geez Louise. Have you thought about having a baby?

Because I wasn't in a relationship for a long time. Are you shopping around? No, I got a girl pregnant. And then that's how we stayed together. He's trying to get rid of his baby. He's like, do you want one? You know, there's things, if you're really lonely, there's a lot of things to help you out. Yeah, without a doubt. In fact, you can have pictures sent to you from people

in your family or your loved ones with the new skylight frame. It's a photo frame you can update instantly by email from everywhere. It's a great way to feel close to those who you love, even when you're separated. That's amazing. Tony, you got to maybe get one of the band for when you leave. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I got one for you.

You are killing me tonight. But seriously, the Skylight Frame is amazing. Go to skylightframe.com. Use the code TONY. Get $10 off your purchase now. Important. Absolutely. Super important.

Do you have a picture frame that rotates pictures with people? I don't. I think my grandma would just send my horoscope to it all the time. Well, see, that's good, though. That's a nice connection. You'd wake up and look at the frame and say, how my grandmother thought of me? I don't know. Anyone with the same email address can do it, too.

So it's great for groups and families. Yeah. That's S-K-Y-L too. So it's great for groups and families. Yeah. That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T dot com. Why, you guys, I'm going to buy this. This seems like a great purchase. It's great. Is there a promo code in case she really actually does buy it tonight? It's funny you mention that.

It's just the word Tony. Oh, wow. It's so easy to remember. Thanks, Tony. You could have a bunch of lesbian stuff on there. Yeah, it's so simple that even my non-tech savvy mom and dad could set it up and use it. Oh my God, so my grandma could send me stuff all the time. Even a woman who's often confused as a lesbian can use it.

That's true. Oh man, yeah, we are a little dumb sometimes. No, we're not. We're not dumb. Somebody asked, have you tried hooking up with a girl before? In college, yeah. You did? How'd it go?

Where'd you go to college? Well, Tampa, USF. You scissor? You went to Tampa? That's so crazy. Jesus Christ. Red band. What the fuck?

No one starts at scissoring. Yes, you do. That's not lesbian first base. Yes, you do. You have to have a director on set to yell that out before people actually do that yeah scissor and scissor that's zucchini in the middle no i haven't scissored that's fine guys what's your favorite part about uh doing stand-up during the pandemic what do you like about it um nothing matters That's my favorite part.

That's an interesting theory. You can really say whatever you want, you know, and, like, no one's really going to see it. No one's really going to care. I was, don't, you still can't say racist stuff, just so you know. A lot of people do. I don't. He's, like, worried about me because I said dyke.

I'm not going to say racist stuff. No, but a lot of people do, I don't. He's like worried about me because I said dyke. I'm not going to say racist. No, but a lot of people do and they get away with it. The Somalian dude's just talking about raping people. What the fuck? Yeah, I also tried to talk to him about not doing that. Yeah, I can't believe we just glazed over that shit. I know. I didn't. Yeah, I know.

I heard you. Who knew the guy with the giant mustache should be like the PC guy? Yeah, he looks like what enemy, but he's a friend. Excuse me, guy. Zay. I'm so sorry.

I'm fucking it all up. There it is. Have you seen the sitcom Step by Step? No. Okay, you look like all the characters from the show. Oh, shit. You got a real Topanga thing about you, too. Okay, that's like all the characters from the show. Oh, shit. You got a real Topanga thing about you, too. Okay, that's like a compliment.

There is. Topanga Canyon. All right. Jill, you have any special skills or talents or anything like that? No, I don't. Ironically, she's great at eating pussy. Nothing? I didn't claim that.

Juggle or do a magic trick or anything? No, I don't do any. Nothing you do? You didn't claim that. Juggle or do a magic trick or anything? No. You can't play an instrument? No. My mom wouldn't let me play an instrument. Why? I don't know. She thought it was too feminine or something. I don't know. I asked to play an instrument. She said no.

Put that bass guitar down. You talk with your mom regularly? You're playing congos like a real lesbian, honey. Get away from that set. Bongos? Okay, that sounds easy to take out. You guys picking masculine instruments? It's just funny that her mom was like, music is too feminine.

Right. I don't know. I don't have an explanation either. It's very bizarre. It is. All right. Well, Red Band, what do you think about this? What do we do with this thing?

I mean, I have a few ideas, but I don't think she's down. Oh, God. Jesus. Why would I cue you up? I thought you had something loaded up on the soundboard. I didn't think you were actually going to start suggesting things. You're a corporate what? Innovator. Innovator.

Innovator. Yeah, corporate vice president of innovation. Okay, and so like on just an estimated value, what's the annual salary for that? Oh, no. I'm not going to tell you what my salary is. Well, because I need to know if this is worth it or not for you. Because I used to make over $100,000 working for Boeing, and I fucked up because I do this now. Oh, yeah. Well, I make over $100,000 working for Boeing and I fucked up because I do this now. Well, I make over $100,000.

When you leave this building, you never fucking come back. You saying you're not good at anything, you need to find something. You need to take up fishing or bowling or something and don't ruin your life. Not everyone can be Tony Hinchcliffe. That's true.

Now call her the N-word, man. Let it free. Let it out. That's true. That's true. Now call her the N-word, man. Let it free. Let it out. Jill, fun times. Good luck. I hope everything continues to... Come move to Austin. There you go.

Red Band's inviting you to move to Austin. Used to be Ice House. Now just move to Austin. Must be nice, Jill. Joe Rogan's trucklehead. At least you got an invite. All right. There she goes.

Jill D'Souza, everybody. Corporate innovator doesn't sound like you'd need a degree or anything for it. I might look into it. I know. I'm very innovative. Yeah, I wonder what that actually means. You probably just got to wear a suit or something. Probably.

If you could do it over Zoom, that sounds pretty cool. If you're making over $100,000 over Zoom. Look, guys, I've just been thinking about the direction of the company, and we need to be more innovative. How many hours a day is that? Seven and a half. Seven and a half on Zoom. Not even a –

Not all on Zoom. Oh. Not all on Zoom. She's using Microsoft Word Processor sometimes. Microsoft Word Processor. Wow. Don't bring up Word Processor.. Microsoft Word Processor. Wow. Word Processor.

Tony wants to get one for Christmas. He hasn't forgot about it. Oh, my God. You guys know about that? Yeah. We know everything, Tony. Yeah, there's nothing left. Excel spreadsheets. I'm good at PowerPoint.

Is that true? Are you? Yeah. How did you get good at PowerPoint? I made $100,000 a year at Boeing. I had to put pictures of airplanes on slides. Yeah. How did you get good at PowerPoint? I made $100,000 a year at Boeing. I had to put pictures of airplanes on slides. It'd be like, now we got to take this part and put it to this part.

Mitch, how does it make you feel that I dropped out of high school and we're on the same stage right now? Dude, I dropped out of high school. I had a shot at a good life. And I was like, you know what? Let's fucking roll the dice, baby. Mitch, you have a baby on the way. You shouldn't talk like that. I know, I'm so sad for the baby. I used to have a good life. And I was like, you know what? Let's fucking roll the dice, baby. Mitch, you have a baby on the way. You shouldn't talk like that. I know, I'm so sad for the baby. I used to have a good life.

Like, the baby's gonna be able to watch this episode one day. He liked his life at Boeing. Making just, you know it's just a hair over 100,000. That's why you keep saying over 100,000. You know it's like 1,000.

I made 177 one year. Whoa! All right. By the way, that's the first thing he's said to me all night without a smile on his face. It was the most stone cold. Do not disrespect the salary that I made 14 years ago. Stop smiling to tell me you made $177,000. Did you know Fahim?

He also worked at Boeing. Yeah, he was an engineer. I was in management, but we never worked together. I was in Seattle after he had already come down. Bowing! It was a great job that I fucked up. I pulled another name out of the bucket.

We're getting there, ladies and gentlemen. This guy actually, probably, out of a lot of people during this pandemic that we found out of the bucket, probably is the newest star of the pack. This guy comes on pretty regularly throughout these times and keeps us updated about his life and his wild Filipino ex-girlfriend. Let's see what happens this week.

It's Ryan Joseph, everyone. Here we go. It's Ryan Joseph. I don't know if you guys heard, but they're letting sex offenders out of jail because of COVID. So I thought I'd stop by. I don't like girls that are screaming bad. It's weird. I knew this one girl, she would scream as soon as you locked the door. I went to Catholic school

and all my friends are coming forward now with these allegations of sexual, emotional, physical abuse and they could have just told me to stop. emotional and physical abuse, and they could have just, like, told me to stop, you know? My girlfriend likes it when I send her, like, videos of me jerking off, and she's always asking how I keep the camera so steady, but, like, no one's got the camera skills like my dad. I've only been in love with one girl my whole life and I got her name tattooed on my arm. And it's a bad idea because every girl I date now is always like, who the hell is Casey Anthony?

Wow. Absolutely incredible. My goodness. Another one just right from the get. Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, and out. I had to show Mario how it's done. Well, I mean, I was going to say that's exactly what I was thinking of was you and Mario came out.

He's a friend. They're two new regulars. If you're going to do jokes about raping people, that's how you do them. Pay attention, Mario. I have the best rape joke. It got me banned from open mic. Oh, yeah? What's the rape joke?

It goes, I don't write rape jokes. There's nothing funny about a woman wearing the wrong dress. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's great. And you got banned for that? Yeah. They told me I need to learn how to write and that I'm not funny.

It was called like Bert's Backroom. They would just have periods on stage. I'm such good friends with Rachel. Is that who banned you? I call her Rachel Cunhurt. How many of you think we should get him unbanned here this evening? No, she's gone, dude.

Well, then you're good. She got shut down. Did you go back there yet? No, she got shut down. Oh, the whole place got shut down. But she was collecting rent, I heard, even though the lease was up. Oh, the whole place got shut down. But she was collecting rent, I heard, even though the lease was up. So, you're a friend, man. I'm not saying anything.

Hold on. She was collecting rent. She rented the place. Well, my buddy was going to rent the place because her lease was up. I feel like I'm talking shit. Yeah, dude. Burn those bridges. You are. It's great. you're on a show it's entertaining you can always move to austin with us where it goes let's see where it goes no my

buddy was gonna take it over and the landlord said she like moved out a while ago the rent's been up but she was holding like a zoom mic saying please donate to help me keep paying the rent your buddy is is that weird guy. Yeah. Like Johnny or Josh or some shit like that? Oh, no, no. That's the guy that took it over now. I don't go there. He's like crazy. Wow. I don't even know what you guys are talking about. It's very inside baseball. I never swim

this low in the fish tank to see what's going on. Tony doesn't speak open mic. You have to translate to him. Where is this place at? It's over on Melrose. You got like 10 minutes over like five bucks but everyone wait you pay five dollars and you get to do 10 minutes get the fuck out he's gonna have a problem with that's a lot of hollywood mics or you have to pay for time or you have to buy a beer it's good though because like you know what are they who do they have there? Why would they even have humans there if it's a bunch of comedians that can pay to get on?

Because, so, one of the draws to it is when you pay them, then you get locked in the room until the show's over. You're not allowed to leave. Oh, fuck. Wait, what are you talking about? It's a literal comedy escape room. Oh, my God. You can pay me $5 for five minutes at a time, but also don't

even think about leaving. Well, you guys don't let us in the store, so whatever. Why do you keep on farting in the mic? It's called queefing. No, I actually like it. Is that really what that was? What are you talking about?

Was that an actual fart? Did you put the microphone to your butt and release air? I think it's the fifth one tonight. I heard two of them. One of them, he really went back to position A very quickly because I looked right over at you, and you were looking at the comedian pretending like you didn't do anything.

But now you've been caught. You've been caught brown-butted. It was so powerful, I almost blew your mustache off. I've been caught brown-butted. I've had a almost blew your mustache off. I've been caught brown butted. I've had a couple farts like that. I know what to do. Queefs. I queef out my butthole too. Hell yeah.

My goodness. Alright, well, for those of you listening, those sound effects aren't sound effects at all. They're coming straight from Teresa's... I'm trying to prove myself. I need to take over the soundboard in Austin. Well, much like Teresa's queefs, the winters in Austin are short, cold, and windy. Joel.

I'm sorry, Mitch, for talking shit about your friend. Oh, I don't care. I'm in a bad mood. Why are you in a bad mood? I love this. You might be the only person out of thousands of people pulled out of the bucket that have ever found

a way to properly tee me up for during this interview. I'm always digging, trying to figure out, like, did he ride a unicycle? Did he go to college? But not you. No. He's trembling. He's so fucking angry. Yeah. What are you angry about? Tell us, Ryan. Like, I'm on paid administrative leave from where fucking angry. Yeah, what are you angry about? Tell us, Ryan. Well, like, I'm on paid administrative leave

from where I work. Yeah. And, like... Why? Why are you on paid administrative leave? Dude, like, the women there do not like me because they're, like, they've been going on my YouTube site,

my podcast, they've been going on my tweets, and they reported all my comedy to the HR and the Office of Diversity and Equity. And I got fucking letterhead with all my jokes printed out, dude. Oh, my God. Really?

That happened to me at Boeing, man. Really? Yeah. I don't feel alone. Does it feel good to be a published comedian? I know. I know. You know what they call it?

They're fucking haters, dude. They see your fucking talent, and now they're trying to fuck up your life there because they have no dream. Is that why you stopped working at Boeing? You got in trouble? I got written up because of some stuff that was on the internet, but I left on my own volition. Where in the contract is that?

Like, is there like a part? You are a representative of the company. Like, I mean, I was a manager, so I was like a representative of the company. I don't, for some reason, I don't think he's in management, but I feel like... He represented the Boeing really well

because he weighs 747 pounds. I do not. That's an exaggeration. I'm sorry, 737. The women at your job are much like the summers in Austin, hot and oppressive. Okay, thank you, Clarence. When you asked him what was wrong at his work, I knew it was going to start with those women. Dude, yeah.

Well, it started, like, this is the second time. What's one of the jokes that they have printed up can you tell us one that they took time to type out the the black the black girlfriend one is what's that one it goes um i used to i used to date this beautiful black girl and um she broke up with me and i've been trying to avoid her but i saw her walking down the street the other day so i like i ran to the other side and then she called me she's like did you try to avoid me today by going to the other side of the street I was like you're not my girlfriend anymore you're just black that's incredible that's a great show can I just another great show I I used to have a

black girlfriend as well I used to talk about her in my act dude if you just put on like a hundred and something pounds you have a chance to be just like me. Well, I never had one. It's just I made that up. Oh, so you... I like Latinas. No, I'm kidding. No, I never... Black girls like me, though. They used to say, Ryan's black inside in high school.

So, what do you think they meant by that? What do you think they meant by black? Just because I'm always kind of like... I've always been kind of crazy, I guess. You think black people are crazy? I've been, yeah, I guess I just That was one of the jokes they printed out. Black people be crazy.

Yeah. Well, no, because I'm not. I'm different than all the other white guys, okay? I got soul. I'm different. Sorry, is that paid leave? What did they tell you to do? Dude, I'm being investigated by this former

U.S. attorney that went to Yale and shit, and she's investigating my jokes and stuff, and I guess on the show, she's been looking at the show. Well, she's going to see what you're saying about her right now. I don't give a fuck. Wow. I don't care you're gonna

be unpaid administrative leave for a long time it's gonna turn into unpaid administrative i don't care anymore like seriously if they should care because that's how you make money what are you gonna do in this fucking economy right now see you picked the wrong time to get fired because they got rid of that extra six hundred dollars a week on the unemployment i'm gonna assume i'm gonna assume because that is stalking. I looked at the policy, right? And it says you cannot stalk anyone or you cannot cyber stalk anyone by going through all

their shit to use it against them. So you're going to counter sue? Yeah. Well, they didn't sue me, but I already talked to a lawyer. You'll counter HR? I am in HR. But... You work in HR? Yeah, it looks bad, I am in HR. You work in HR? Yeah, it looks bad, I guess.

Yeah. I mean, if I was a woman, I would have some issues bringing a complaint to you. I never brought it up in the workplace, though. That was the thing. Right, but do you understand if I was a woman that worked at your company and I saw the stories that you tell, because I've watched you. You're very

funny. First, I want to be clear. Thank you. But if I was a woman, I would be like, I don't think he's going to be on my side. But I'm totally different at work. I'm a professional. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. How long have you worked at this place? Like a year or so. Uh-huh. What do you like about it? What do you miss about it? I don't miss anything. Wow. Did you have an office there before? Yeah. What did it look like? What did you have on your desk?

Dude, it's soul-sucking. I just wanted to do comedy. Oh, I know the feeling, dude. Yeah. You wake up and you do the whole nine to five. You're like, I'm just wasting time. What was on your desk? A computer.

What else? Do you have a picture of something? No, it was just empty. I didn't put pictures of Nicole Brown Simpson. Dude, you want to know what the worst part about it is? Because you're going to get fired. But this whole time that you've been there at that desk job, and you've just been fantasizing about just comedy,

and you've been like, man, as soon as I leave this job, I'm just going to write all the time. And you know what? You're not. You don't write anymore when you're unemployed. It just doesn't happen. You actually probably write more because you're in a different experience. You know, like you're talking to different people.

Yeah. Well, it's hard to write when you feel like there's no future of stand-up. That's how I feel a lot of times. Oh, geez. My goodness. Come on. The vaccine's got a lot of times. Oh, jeez. My goodness. Come on. The vaccine's got a 95% rate. It doesn't matter.

They were already talking about, like, oh, once you get the vaccine, you still have to socially distance because you're still going to carry the virus. Dude, this is about, like, they're going to fucking keep us down. I don't care. Just like Nazi Germany.

I don't think that really makes any sense. We gave them power. They're not going to let it go. I don't think they're going to make you socially distance after the vaccine. Well, it's bad. I think when people say that you're black inside, they mean like you have no hope. Yeah, you are a

Debbie Downer for sure. Hey, I am a very happy person. Yeah, what's the happiest thing that you did today? Did you water a plant or something? I don't have my... I still have like the dead plants that my ex-girlfriend left there when she lived there. Jesus Christ, bro. This guy's living

in a fucking dead jungle over here. I've been gone. Did they break up? No, this was like two years ago. Oh, wow. The other one called me. I went to Vegas to the World Series of Comedy. Yeah.

Dude, it was bullshit. They let the guy to the World Series of Comedy. Yeah. The other one, like, dude, it was bullshit. They let the guy. The World Series of Comedy was bullshit? Oh, shit. I'm just, like, digging a grave. Fuck it. Like, let's see where it goes. You're going to watch this?

No, you can feel free to talk shit about those people. Okay. Jeez, what do you say about us on other podcasts? I like you guys, man. Tony, after you called, like, these guys called these guys crying faggots or liberal faggots. Oh, God. I realized that you were... Jesus, I was hoping they had forgotten about that. I realized you're one of my favorite

comedians because... Well, I like your jokes too. Thank you. Thank you very much. Anyways. But more your dark viewpoints. Yeah, dude. You're dark. I like it. Thank you very much. Dark humor is the best. Absolutely. Yeah, dude, you're dark. I like it. Thank you very much. Dark humor is the best. Absolutely. Yeah, they let the guy, I made it to round two,

and I got laps all throughout my set. And the guy that got like two laps moved on. I didn't. Why do you think he moved on? Because he brought a bunch of people. No, he volunteered there. Oh, geez. It sounds like a presidential election.

This is fucking shit. The guy that should have won yeah yeah i asked for a recount you know what the worst part about that they they say there's a ten thousand dollar grand prize you're you're the ten thousand dollars is in the form of feature gigs throughout the year no yes so you'll and each feature gig is only worth like five hundred dollars but so you you have to pay for your flight and everything to get to those places. It's a lot of scam shit. It is a huge ripoff.

The World Series of Comedy, I never did it. And they use your name and you have to promote it probably, huh? Yeah, well, they have satellite shows that you can pay for preliminaries. So if you're watching this and you're a young up-and-coming comedian, don't do it. It is a rip-off. Don't do half the shit. That or bringer shows.

What options do we have? It was really good, though, to be on stage in a real club in front of a real audience because these people are not comics, and they came just to watch a show. Yeah. And that was really awesome. But, yeah, they said if you win. Did you do anything fun in Las Vegas off this sad subject, it's like comedy contest. Snort a Coke of a hooker's asshole. Did you? No, I didn't. But that girl

that I talked about before, the Latina, she called me after forever not talking to her. Forever. It was like two weeks. This is the one that he was obsessed with, right? Yeah, for sure. Two months or something or a while. Then what happened and she goes are you there with uh so and so the girl that i um slept with that i fucked to get back at her and i was like what the fuck that's how you say hi and then she's like are you there and then and then she just like went off on me and then she sent me all these emails saying i love you i can't i can't live without you and all this shit.

I was like, wow. So passionate. I know. Well, she's Latina. I mean, that's what you want. I know. You want a woman who's going to like. Highs and lows.

I know. Yeah. So she's the one that fucked that copywriter? Yeah. Yeah. And then you fucked another chick. Yeah, to get back at her. To get back at her.

That's smart, dude. That's fucking 4D chess. Yeah. And I told her right away. But I don't want to talk about that. No. Yeah, to get back at her. To get back at her. That's smart, dude. That's fucking 4D chess. Yeah, and I told her right away. But I don't want to talk about that. No. Yeah, we're not. That's it. We had so much fun with you.

Unbelievable set. Great interview. The great Ryan Joseph, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

I think he's going to end up back together with that Latina chick. I do, too. My guess is he's probably going to knock her up sometime, and then she's going to T-bone William Montgomery pulling out of a McDonald's. Good callback. From depression to succession, ladies and gentlemen, this is my favorite part of the show, is getting to bring this guy up every single week

and see the amazing, amazing talents and just get to sit back and watch and enjoy a brand new minute of comedy from a true American hero. It's the great Michael Lehrer, everyone. Here we go. Thank you. Here he go.

Here he is. Michael Lehrer. Actually, I had a really bad week, and I wanted to not do my minute to talk about it. My doctor said I'm six months away from having to fuck like a marionette. Goddamn Obamacare. Goddamn Obama camp. So, in the interim, I'd like to collect as many internet mistresses as possible. maybe if I can tell the world a little

about me if that's alright and maybe the band maybe you want to play some smooth, sexy, slow stuff. All right. If you guys play super low, I bet we'd be able to hear everything. If you're here.

Here he is, About Me with Michael Lehrer. Hi, I'm Michael Laird. Both me and my wheelchair can fall comfortably in the trunk of your car. I can survive solely off clip bars and blowjobs. When you want time alone, I can play online poker for up to 18 hours in your linen closet. in your linen closet. I come with approximately one dozen outfits, several from the wannabe black eye collection.

I have handicapped parking, prescription pain pills, and the willingness to abuse both. My disease does not rob me of my handsomeness, so I'm great for selfies to make jealous your bitchy country fucking girlfriends. They don't know I'll never dance again. Also unaffected by my disease is my penis. Simply place me face up on your bed, water me three times a day, and ride me like a sipping masturbation machine. I am a prisoner in my own body. Forced to be incarcerated. Like the Central Park Five. Though I'll never be

exonerated, but you, my fair lady, can exonerate this nun. Women are often attracting to me the same as those who pen pal and propose to men on death row.

Not because we're both dying, but because they can tell I murdered people. The ultimate aphrodisiac. I'm willing to date high school girls. Now, before you read me the riot act, I'll only date high school girls that have been left or held back at least several years. In fact, I'll do you one better. I'll only date high school girls that got left back so many years they went into pornography at the age of 18. So to sum it up, if you're an 18 to 19-year-old female pornographer, I will be your valentine.

Wow. See you in hell. Wow. There's that dead stare right into the camera The classic trademark The slow zoom in Michael Laird does it again What a piece of art What a piece of work

Yeah, lost the last team though The incredible thing is that I watched you in the window In the front window at the Comedy Store the other day. Oh, God. Last week or a couple weeks ago. And you were doing some of that material. It's so interesting.

Part of your method to madness, it seems, is trying stuff out there and then bringing it here. Usually people debut stuff here and then take it out there. Well, I mean, I kind of go with what I have. And, you know, for the most part, I only have Kill Tony. And Mike and you helping me get him in that window. I'm more menaced now, so I'm making a home in Newark.

I'm able to kind of, I'm starting to hone in on what I want to do because I have a lot of cute disabled jokes, but I want to get really to the bone of it. You've got to balance it out, keep those in there to keep people leaning forward, and then hit them with the good stuff. He is the hottest dude I've ever seen in a wheelchair before. Absolutely.

He's a hot dude, period. Michael Lair has got fucking pure swagger. I mean, look at the way he looks straight into that camera. Zach, give us one more slow zoom in here on this. He's been voted multiple times the hottest member of this show. His style has changed, and he actually looks. That look back, it's incredible. He looks about 10 or 15 years younger than he used to.

He's so good at that. When he looks away and looks back. Oh, my God. I want a side-by-side frame of him and William Montgomery. Whoa, that was a good one right there. You have very model-esque looks to the camera, Michael. I think most women would pick him over William Montgomery. Yes, for sure.

Absolutely. Yeah. You know, I used to be very. Surprisingly, William looks like he's going to shit his pants more than Michael Laird, who actually shit his pants. Just kidding. Michael doesn't shit his pants. Not yet. I'll blow my

brains out before that. No, you can shit your pants here anytime. That's honorable. Speaking of... You'd make it hilarious. It'd still be stinky as fuck. No, we would buy special diapers. Ceram wrap. We would have David Deer

meet. He would come over and wipe you off as many times as he does at Mike's stand. We would have David Deer meet put duct tape around the seals of the diaper. You ever hear of diaper seals? Oh, yeah. Is that one of the

sponsors for this show? Are you about to go into a live read? Yeah, use the password Austin, Texas to get 50% off. Anyway, I just stepped on my next joke. Back to you in the studio, Tony. Hey, I have great news. About diaper seals? No, I won the World Series. I won the World Series. Congratulations.

Oh my God, you're the best. It's a great organization. Wow. Wow. Wow. You probably looked out your Vegas hotel room and saw some loser arguing with some ex-girl on the phone. He said that. I didn't follow that at all. Oh, you were talking.

It was him. Yeah, it was him. He came in. Ryan Joseph. Yeah, indeed. Ryan Joseph. Very funny. Yeah, it was him. He came in. Ryan Joseph. Yeah, indeed. Ryan Joseph. Yep. Very funny.

He, um, I had a potential home invasion. Oh, shit. This week. Whoa. Yeah. Tell us about that. So, I hear a bunch of keys at the door. Like, uh, lying on a big key ring.

Like, someone trying in my door key after key after key and then they're banging like crazy at the thing about my disease when I get anxious you know in tiger mode or whatever

tiger mode yes I thought you said tired imagine in tiger mode or whatever. Yes, tiger mode. Yes. I thought you said tired mode. Imagine... Tiger mode. Michael Lerga's tiger mode. Yes, you've seen many... I've seen many of those National Geographic documentaries

where they zoom in on a tiger that's sitting on his butt in a wheelchair. They sleep like 20 hours a day. Yeah, man. So I wake up from Tiger Mode and there's a guy pounding on my door

screaming. We have actual sounds of all of these things. Yeah. They're great for the flow of the story. So he's screaming the flow of the story. So, he's screaming and I'm like, I get

what's going on. These buildings, people get off on the wrong floor. Right, that's what happened with that cop in Dallas. We've all been there. So I'm about to go, excuse me, you're in the wrong apartment.

And then Claire comes in and she's like, my youngest, last girlfriend. She's like, what's going on? And I'm like, and she's like, shh. And I'm like, trying to assess the situation. And then fucking Superman kicks the door. Oh, shit. And like Jurassic Park,

you know, when you're looking at the door, I seen the metal bend. Oh, my God. I'm like, oh, this is about to happen. Yeah, you're about to switch into super tiger mode. Yeah, exactly. Tiger mode, like when at the pool. Honey, get me out of here.

So I'm sitting there, but I'm really good. honey get me out of here so I'm sitting there but I'm really good I'm probably better than the rock in stressful situations better than the rock right because you're like an actual rock exactly

it's why I'm so good on camera I'm dead inside absolutely show them one more time oh my god. Look at that fucking... Zach, where are you? Come on. Oh my goodness. Wow. Alright, go ahead, Michael. Um,

he kicks in I was in middle band and like Colette is calling 911 and private security and the front desk. And I'm staring at the door and thinking, this dude's about to come through. What am I going to do?

I'm sitting just like this. You're going to do absolutely nothing. Yeah. It's the only thing. No, I'm in. Do you forward, reverse, or? I am the human, too. What would you do?

You should have just pulled out your dick and started rolling towards the door. You know, he would have run away. I know, but it has been classified as a dangerous weapon. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm, like, in my guy mode, and I'm like, and I start going. Oh, shit. And he thinks a big truck's about to back up. And I'm like, you're at the wrong apartment.

You're at the wrong apartment. He thinks he broke into a retarded ghost house Yeah You're at the wrong apartment Three dumb guys What was the ethnicity of the guy? That's not important Yeah it is

He was a four foot tall Chinese man He was a Chinese guy? That's why I was able to kick the door down so easy. I have Superman kick. It's funny you ask because it was my neighbor who lives upstairs. And I'm convinced they have a drill wrap recording studio in the bathroom. A wrap recording studio? Oh, yeah.

It might just be video games, but they party. Yeah. It turns out the guy sure thought his cousin was fucking with him, but he still tried to kick in

his own door. Seems reasonable. Maybe it's something else. Like a woman fucking somebody. So it was your upstairs neighbor. Thought he was at his apartment and just the reasonable decision he made was keep the door down. His keys weren't working.

His keys didn't work. He thought the locks were changed. And he thought his cousin's side was playing them. Oh, shit. He thought the locks were changed. And he thought Cousins side was playing them. Oh, shit. Did the police come? Yeah. And I, oh, that's the best part. Collapse, like, we're pressing charge, or she asked, should we?

And I'm like, we ain't pressing no charges. In fact, I'm going upstairs right now. And I'm going to talk to him. You have an elevator at your place or was that extra hard? You ever seen us, Linky? Yeah. I'm like that name reversed.

You fucking cheeky bitch. Wow. Cheeky bitch. I've never been called a cheeky bitch before. Anyway, I go. Is that to me? Yeah See until he called you cheeky I thought he had a speech impediment

Turns out he's just British Slinky by the way Also the name of the guy that tried to kick in the door Slinky Jenkins Not a lot of people know him. He lives on the third floor. Go ahead. I go up there and

What were you going to say? He's like, Colette, we're not pressing charges now. Carry me upstairs. Oh, that's funny. You were talking about Bert's back room before or whatever. And I hang out at these places once in a while.

And I went to a similar place the other day. I don't want to call in on my name. Fourth wall? What? Fourth wall? Well, fourth wall is funny because 10 years ago no it's not 10 years ago i worked on the cruise ship with second city with joe who started fourth wall which is slot comic spots for five bucks apparently he he meant it, that shit.

I don't know. When you were on the cruise ships, did you have to use your parking brake a lot? No, motherfucker. I ain't always been like this. Tennessee man. He didn't have to use his parking brake. Jesus.

My goodness, Mitch. Why would you do that? You're about to be a father. You don't have him making jokes about how you're morbidly obese. What a cheeky Mitch over here. Tony,

before the show, you offered to chew my pizza for me. Yes, I did, and that offer still stands. You want to do it right now?. Yes, I did. And that offer still stands. You want to do it right now? That's called foreplay. Oh, okay.

All right. One, I go to one of these new Islam Inbrow Corona spots. Yeah, Corona spots. Yeah. Like, it kind of converted into a nitrous drug then for karaoke. Is that what you did? No. Wow.

What did you sing? I sing Always Around the way, girl, dancing, mother, or giving heartbreak. A nitrous drugged in for karaoke? Yeah. That sounds amazing. Yeah, man. They got it going on. One way.

But they had the tang fried on them balloons and shit it was real cool Michael Lair we love you so much MichaelLairComedy.com for everything Michael Lair so much fun here's the drawing from Ryan J. Ebel coming right at you right down the barrel unbelievable there's Mitch there's me

there's Red Band and the band how about a big hand for Mitch Burrow everybody making his debut on the panel so much fun stuff happening tell these people where they can find you Mitch How about a big hand for Mitch Burrow, everybody, making his debut on the panel. So much fun stuff happening. Tell these people where they can find you, Mitch. At Mitch Burrow on everything, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and that's about it. How about a big hand for the leader of the band, Jeremiah Watkins, everyone.

He has a new special coming out December 8th. Tell them more about it, Jeremiah. You can preorder it now at jeremiahwatkins.com. My debut one-hour special. It helps with banner placement on the different platforms, so I'd appreciate if you do that. And then just, Jeremiah, stand up on social media and a lot of great Jeremiah Wonders episodes. Love you guys. Jetski Jesse Johnson absolutely dropping nuclear missiles today.

What's going on, Jetski? Not much. Thank you so much, ski johnson handmade ornaments available jet ski johnson.com oh yeah they're anytime ornaments not exclusively for christmas you could use them any time of the year for anything she makes all of them by hand and we do a podcast together on the comedy store's uh oh wow youtube channel so check out that i did that one and it just disappeared yeah we're bringing it back. Yeah, we're bringing it back after the holidays.

They're bringing it back after the holidays. Sounds like a Spotify deal might be in the works with Mitch and Chetsky's podcast. Guys, the backbone of the band. Of the band and of the band only. It's Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, everyone. Joel's mostly sorry. Tell us about it, Joel.

Oh, nothing. Shout out to Ludwig Dr us about it, Joel. Oh, nothing. Shout out to Ludwig Drums. Mitch, I love you. You've always been funny. It's glad to finally see you on the show. I love your podcast with Jesse. There you go. And I want to thank Jeremiah for taking us to Arizona to open for him this weekend.

It was great. That looked like fun. Red Band. Nothing much, guys. Thank you. There you go. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. you