KILL TONY - KILL TONY #50

Episode Date: May 30, 2014

Rowdy Roddy Piper, Bob Oschack, Stephen Glickman, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron Madonia, Brian Redban – Date: 05/12/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. Big news, guys. Comic-Con 2014 at the American Comedy Company. We are going there for, I think, our third year in a row. But we have a big announcement. You guys already know that on July 23rd, Kill Tony is going to be there. First time ever at the American Comedy Co. And it's followed by an episode of Thunder Pussy.

And then the following day, July 24th, we are having a huge comedy show. Now, you guys already knew all this shit. But guess what? Burt Kreischer is going to be joining us. All three shows, all two days. Dude, that's huge. And that means this will probably sell out. So get your tickets now.

Don't wait. Go to DeathSquad.tv or AmericanComedyCo.com. Get them now. Again, that's July 23rd. We have Kill Tony, followed by Thunder Pussy. And then the following day, we have a Death Squad super show. So, get it now. Also, we need help.

Death Squad is almost out of money. Yep, it sucks. I know. You know, I'm just not selling the t-shirts that we used to now, you know? But we have a studio auction. These are limited edition items. Like, we got this death squad this new

t-shirt it's just a beta test shirt only made 50 of them so if you're a collector get on that we also have a couple other things like we have a hat that's on there right now uh we have a couple cell phone cases for your iphones and a poster um anyways check it out go to death squad.tv click on studio auction at the top or click on the shop squad icon if you just want to get the new death squad shirt anyways figure it out yourself death squad.tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony Volume 2. Give it up for Tony Osgood! This thing on.

There we go. Yeah. Everybody. Hi, everyone. Fuck. Yes. I love it. How exciting.

It's a special Monday. This is episode 50 of Kill Tony, everybody. Yeah. Big five. Episode 50. One for each state. And the state of the union is strong. Wait. Patriot. Not yet. Josh. And the State of the Union is strong. Wait.

Patriot, not yet. Josh. What is going on? Everyone's being real confused. You're already blowing it, Josh. It's all happening, buddy. It's already begun. Josh already dropping the ball.

After he spilled tequila on me last week directly, which there's video of that on episode 49, I guess. Yeah. Or is that 50? That was 49. Yeah, you're right. But the video should be. I guess it's not out yet, but the video will be. Yeah.

We had to film the first half of the episode using an iPhone. Yeah. And I think I caught Josh. It was so funny. In the motion right an iPhone. Yeah. And I think I caught Josh. It was so funny. In the motion right here, from right there. He puts it right on the corner of the table. Yeah.

Really, really blew it. Yeah. But keep it going for Josh Martin, everybody. He tries to keep, tries to keep everything on its hinges. Great guy,

Josh Martin. So, hell yeah, guys. Thank you, live audience, for coming out and sitting so far away.

Nothing better than having the front of the room empty. Really big confidence booster. Always exciting. I really can feel that energy because I have long reach.

So, fuck yeah. Anyway, what happened this weekend? What's going on in the world? Anything? Yeah, we did an episode of Thunder Pussy when Benji went crazy on some hecklers. Oh, that was a Thunder Pussy.

Not Thunder Pussy, Ice House Chronicles. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's weird. We had a good friend of ours have to deal with an annoying group of hecklers, and then we had to deal with the aftermath of a comedy club not backing the comic. You know what I realized lately?

Is that the hecklers are, I feel like, I mean, this is just a newer theory that I have. By the way, I just celebrated seven years of doing stand-up comedy, guys. Oh! Which is interesting. It's fun to have been doing something seven years.

I don't think I've ever done that. Anyway, but something I noticed lately is I think the hecklers are heat like animals. I think that when it starts getting warmer out, people get chimier because they get a little bit drunker. They get a little bit hotter. The fucking

chemicals are rolling. So they think they have something that they want to say. Yeah. It always happens when you come in groups, too. Like if you have more than four people, more than four people in a group, that becomes a party. And so now you have like this party aspect of like, damn, we have a whole table. We actually are a party. Yeah.

It's like Game of Thrones. The pack gets bigger and shit gets crazy. But it was interesting having to deal with that. But if you're listening to this, you can always check out Ice House Chronicles because Benji literally gets off stage thinking he's about to get shot from this gang of Mexicans. And luckily we had big Earl Kennedy there.

Oh, that's great. He's a force to be reckoned with as far as what you visually think he's capable of. Right. But he's a big softie on the inside, so that's funny that he was the one chosen. And then Benji went on the podcast, and you could tell

i was shaking it's a shame it wasn't a thunder pussy because it would have been great to have the video of him getting heckled and him like because benji's great at laying into people you know he's on team evil roast with me like it's like he just sees the stuff that he holds back and doesn't say is the funniest stuff that like'll only say to a top, you know. Anyway, you guys get it, I'm sure. This live audience is a blast tonight, Brian. I know, it's great, right? We had 17 reservations tonight.

Did you know that? 17 reservations. And I'm pretty sure that there's not 17 people in here. But it feels like 18. Maybe they were on like Malaysian taxis or something. That's it. That's one of our new sponsors, Malaysian Airlines, Crystal Geyser,

and McDonald's, everybody. We still got McDonald's. I'm loving it. They make me say that part. It's so weird that you do that. I was listening to an old episode the other day and you really went into it because you were reading my cup. And you were just like, free Wi-Fi at all locations. I just think it's the funniest thing.

I want to see if McDonald's attorneys will send us something like, can you not mention our product? I think it's so funny that McDonald's is this huge corporation, and I'm saying that. Right, because then we would have to acknowledge it. Right. Because McDonald's like this huge corporation. And I'm saying that. Right. Because then we would have to acknowledge it. Right. Because then we get to acknowledge it. It makes me wonder if they'll complain about us backing their product. Right.

If they're like, I don't know if you know this, but like we work with the Olympics and things like that. You're a live podcast. What's that? Queefing? What's the queefing? What's the queefing? Let's just put it this way. We don't get it. But we love you, McDonald's, all the time, especially your new

strawberry banana iced tea mix debuting next month. Only at McDonald's. I'm loving it. And don't forget the shamrock fries. They're not just old fries. When is St. Patrick's Day?

It already happened. It just happened. That wacky St. Patrick. He gets by me sometimes. He was like a big deal, I guess. Anyway. You don't know what you did for St. Paddy's Day? No, what did I do?

I don't even know what time of the year that is. Isn't that weird? I'm trying to remember what I did. We probably did something. When's St. Patrick's Day, guys? March. That was like recent. Holy shit.

What day did it fall on? What day did it fall on? Anybody know that? What happened? St. Patrick's Day just disappeared, huh? What day did it fall on? What day did it fall on? Anybody know that? What happened? St. Patrick's Day just disappeared, huh? We did a kill Tony on St. Patty's Day. Did we really?

And we didn't even acknowledge it once. Did we acknowledge it? No? Are you serious? Even weirder yet, we're just finding out that it was St. Patrick's Day now. This is some crazy shit. Whoa. That's scary.

What did we drink in Dallas? I'm telling you, man. Something. Fucking concrete cowboy. That just keeps coming up every episode. That comes up more than McDonald's. Brian and I got roofied, we're pretty sure, when we did a road trip. We have no idea who roofied us.

We came in contact with like 200 people. And we were fucking destroyed. Something terrible happened that night. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad. It's kind of like bad when you're a kid and you got molested but you don't remember because you're regressing it. I think something really bad happened that weekend to us. I don't know what that's like. But what's weird is

if you take all the photos of all the people I do remember and put it on the table, it could go either two ways, like awesome, or what the fuck did we do? It was a weird one. I've never had that happen. We should probably get tested. Dallas. That place is fucked up.

By round of applause, how many of you have been to Dallas? That's a lot of people. All right, fuck it. A lot of people from Dallas. A lot of famous people. A lot of popular people. I love Dallas. Dallas is such a great city that they even had a TV show named Dallas.

It's a shame I can't think of any major people from Dallas. Wasn't Boss Hogg from Dallas? Boss Hogg? Yeah, wasn't he? It feels like he was. Isn't that the show? No, the guy from the Dukes of Hazzard. He was from Dallas.

Boss Hogg. Guys, let's get this fun train moving along. We call that our monologue because you can catch mono while we're in the middle of it. With no further ado, every week we have a brand new Patriot representing a different species of some kind, a different take on an awesome, awesome character. This week it's very, very exciting to introduce his first time as the patriot. Put your hands together for the Iranian patriot, Hormoz Rashidi.

Oh, shit. There's some blatant Middle Eastern dancing. Oh, my goodness blatant Middle Eastern dancing Oh my goodness Very Middle Eastern Oh shit He's Iranian as fuck Yeah How's it going buddy?

Very good Very good Fuck yeah I love that he's blatantly the Iranian patriot because you can see his hairy arms sticking through his sleeves. Yeah, and his... Bram, bram, bram, bram! And I don't think that's his speaker.

I think that's just his pubic hair. Fuck yeah. Too soon. Never too soon for an Iranian, right? Never too soon. Maybe tower too soon with you guys. Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim. Oh, shit.

Pretty sure that's our... Pretty sure a plane's gonna fly into the belly room, everybody. I love it. So tough, so Iranian. Then he's gotta giggle like a little girl. You're like a baby getting tickled. Fuck yeah. Well, we're happy to have you, Hormoz.

Thank you for... What's your Twitter handle? Hormoz Rashidi. Oh, yeah. Hormoz Rashidi, guys. They don't really like him that much. I think they're scared. Yeah, everybody is sort ofozer Sheedy, guys. Fucking... Oh, they don't really like him that much. I think they're scared. Yeah, everybody is sort of turned off by the Iranian people.

What's the problem with the Patriot guys? You're not feeling it? Wow. Wow. Iran! Iran! Iran! Iran!

Damn. Normally, that gets a big round of applause at this club, but surprised it's not. Luckily, we're going to have a lot of fun throughout tonight's episode, so thank you for joining us. I'm glad that you're our patriot, and to me, you're the finest patriot that I've ever seen.

And a great Uber driver. Yes, definitely. Fuck yeah. you're the finest patriot that I've ever seen and a great Uber driver yes definitely fuck yeah I love having I love having a good Iranian friend wearing seven year old pajamas

fully committed and that's what it's all about but that's not what the show's about guys it's about stand up comedy everybody yay and I'm so excited to have two of my funniest friends on tonight's show But that's not what the show's about, guys. It's about stand-up comedy, everybody. Yay! And I'm so excited to have two of my funniest friends on tonight's show. This is very exciting. So what do you say we meet them, huh, guys?

Tonight's guests are two of my very best friends, everybody. It's the great Bob Oshak and Stephen Glickman. It's amazing. Bob Oshak. Considered by many a comic's comic. A cold-blooded assassin. And Stephen Glickman. A hilarious guy. Like me.

Used to work at the comedy store and then went on to big fun things. We both did. You worked at the comedy store? Get the fuck out both did. You worked at the comedy store? Get the fuck out of here. You worked at the comedy store also? Yeah. What did you do here?

I was in cover booth for seven years. Get the fuck out of here. Oh my God. My first time I moved out here in September of 94, I did an open mic two days after I moved out here. I do the open mic, finish. Shit goes well. I don't know.

Barris was emceeing. Don Barris was emceeing. Freddy Soto working the door. A guy named Jason Hart's working the booth. You know, some guys. And then I went to the bathroom and the manager comes next to me at the urinal and he says, great job. Mitzi wants you to work here. Okay?

I've been in town for two days. Two days. The manager of the comedy store tells me Mitzi wants me to work there. What I didn't know is she wanted me to work in the cover booth. So basically, she wanted me to work as a ticket taker. And I wound up working as a ticket taker for seven years before I became a regular here. Wow.

But I guess there's something about my comedy that didn't really come across as funny as much as it did trustworthy with money. Right. You know? But that's how I landed. I had to work the cover booth here for a couple years. Yeah. It's a compliment of sorts. She doesn't let

a lot of comics around the revenue stream. Right. So take it as a compliment. We're a select fraternity. I was not allowed anywhere near the cover booth. Case in point. Just in case you're wondering. They were like, how's your math skills? And I was like, I can't spell math.

So I'm not going to. What did you do? I worked as the phone secretary in the office. And I took, where Tommy is right now, and I would take everyone's avails every week. And I actually had to, I was the one who had to call uh rogan and tell rogan he was banned because of the uh because of the fight between him and i had to do that call what was that call like it was fucking rough dude i call him up and i'm like hey oh so like

mitzi calls me and she's like, tell Rogan he can't. I don't know. I'm doing a voice. You can't tell him he can only perform here on a weekdays, not the weekend. And I was like, OK, all right, no problem. So I call him. I'm like, hey, Joe. And he's like, all right, give it to me straight.

What happened? I was like, Mitzi said you can only perform here on the weekdays, not the weekend. And he was like, all right, all right, no problem. I was like, okay, bye. Phone rings again. I'm like, Comedy Store, and it's Pauly. And he's like, hey, bro, call Rogan and tell him he's banned for life from the club. And I'm like, Pauly, I can't do that because I just called him because Mitzi, your mom,

just called to say he's only banned on the weekends. Have you ever heard this story before? I have heard a version. That's amazing. You're like the middleman in this amazing moment in stand-up history. Yeah, so Pauly was like, you gotta call him, bro. He's like, I'm the boss, bro.

Call him and tell him he's fucking banned, bro. So I called Rogan. I was like like you're banned for life that's what paulie just told me to tell you and rogan and rogan goes like this what's about to happen to you is gonna be rough and i was like to me and he was like i'm really sorry and he took all the phone numbers from the phone list because there's like five lines that call into here and he gave all all the information out to all of his fans and told them to call in and tell us that we were pieces of shit so i'd answer if i'd be like comedy story be like fang it like oh really really

hang up hello so good one after another for like two weeks that's how it was it was fucking gnarly that is amazing I also had to fire I also had to ban Michael Richards for life from the club I had to call him too Mitzi made me call him and he was like he was like hello

and I was like hey Michael Mitzi told me to tell you that you're banned for life and he was was like, I know. And then just... I was like, I really liked you on Sight. Hello? It was just over. Yeah, actually, he was here,

and he did a set before he did the famous set over there. I guess he had a rough one here, huh? Yeah, and I watched that set, and then talked to him a little bit out back and he was with this girl and he just seemed very out of it. That's what I'll say, out of it. And then I called Rogan that night and I'm like, dude,

get down to the comedy store right now. Michael Richards is with this crazy person and they're both really messed up. Fucked up. They're fucked up. Both of them are really fucked up. And then he's like, no way, or whatever. And then Michael Richards got in a car or whatever and went down to the lap factory

and did the N-Rant thing. So it was just like, I knew something was happening that night with him because he was that fucked up. That's amazing. How lucky you are to be that phone guy for two crazy spots like that. I had two weird moments. Those were my two weirdest moments, I think.

Also, there was a moment where I'll never forget when I first started working here. Tommy, I said to Tommy, hey, I don't want to be like a tattletale or something, but PJ Stansberry was smoking marijuana in the hallway. And Tommy goes, we're just happy he's not doing cocaine anymore.

Ladies and gentlemen, my good friend and one of the greatest human beings in the world, Rowdy Roddy Piper is here. A real honor, sir. Holy shit. That is amazing. Thanks for being here.

Wow. Phenomenal. Hi, Roddy. How's everybody doing? Good. Been on the road. How's that going? I did this silly series called Legend House. How's everybody doing? Good. Been on the road. How's that going?

I did this silly series called Legend House. Yeah, I'm obsessed with it right now. I've been telling everybody about it. Has anybody seen this show, Legends House, on the new WWE Network, guys? Big show, huh? You're so fucking missing out. Okay, well, I did Wife Swap the week before. It's true.

Celebrity. Yeah. And, you know, wife swap the week before. It's true. Celebrity. Yeah. And you know they don't tell you. And so I'm trying to figure out, and the lady, they fly one one way, the other the other way. I'm supposed to make them walk, I suppose, excuse me. How else are you going to get them there, Rod? And you don't know. Stick with me now.

You got to give me a little bit. All right. Wrestler. When Andre the Giant comes, you'll appreciate my ass. Right, man. What was he talking about? Legends House. Thank you.

Legends House. It was really hard. They locked me up for a month with seven other guys. Sounds like kind of a porn, doesn't it? You know him? I used to, this kid here. We'll just change this whole format around. Watch, I'll give you one of the most beautiful stories you've ever heard.

And it's this kid here so i i'm they put me here jimmy kimmel has a sense of humor and put me in here to get me ready for a one-man show on broadway i ended up you're like i don't drink you know anymore or nothing and that's all you do here is drink. So I taught myself the piano. I can't do fucking stand-up comedy or shit, though. And this kid used to park cars and work on his way up. And so he's very shy.

And he brought me over one time. And he says, I've got to tell you. I'll cry, man. And, uh, I know. And he called. He was a little boy.

Just him and his mommy. And they were very poor. And what he would do is he would have his pillow. And he, for like five, six hours, he just wrestled the shit out of this pillow. And every time he got it down, he'd go, Mom, count! I'd talk to her. Her from the kitchen would go,

One, two, three. And he did that for years. And he was starving, so I took him over to a Denny's. I'm not kidding you. You don't even know the half of that story. This story has been told on podcasts before, but from my point of view, which is even crazier, which, you know, the time that you took me. So I was down and out.

I had been grinding it out here. I'd been working here. This is an awesome story. I swear to God. I've only got a couple of them, but this is a good one. And crazy thing is, is that i had run out of everything like i'm the kind of guy that would rather not work a day job and fucking struggle to figure out the next thing than to be miserable and sell my soul at that point i was too deep into stand-up at the time

this is like i don't know five four or five years ago anyway but it was like So I was done working a job, but I was still just doing stand-up and working here and getting fucked. And I had run out of all money possible. Like, money, money. Turned in change for food. I mean, there was probably a paycheck coming in a few days from here or whatever, but I was done, done.

And I laid down on my air mattress that was in Amy Hawthorne's living room. And I laid there in the afternoon and I laid down on my air mattress that was in Amy Hawthorne's living room, and I laid there in the afternoon, and I was out of all money, and I didn't have another meal coming. I mean, I had been hungry and broke before in that little time span because it just happened. But this time, I'm like, you know what?

I'm not going to go chase down a meal. I'm just going to lay here and just see what happens. Like I was like done. I had just literally for the first time sort of just given up. And a few hours later, my phone rang with Piper, who said his first words were, can I take you out to dinner? And that. And then the next day

I got an awesome, very well paying writing gig. So it worked out. That's the moral of the story. But that's a true one. I was actually giving up. What's more depressing than laying in a fucking air mattress in a Hollywood living room?

And then it was literally like you knew. That's a fucking awesome story. Yeah, it's a good one. It's awesome. Well, first off, Roddy and Tony, I'd try to fit a few more punchlines.

It got deep. It did get deep. No, I mean, I'd try to go like 20, 25 seconds between laughs. Right. But it had heart.

It was really good. Thanks a lot, man. Good luck with everything. Yeah, a great prop would help. It would be awesome. That's what we're supposed to do. That's right. I love it.

That's what we're supposed to do. All right. Well, I don't drink. Now what am I going to do? Piper, you want to watch some stand-up comedians with us? Will you show over? You are kicking me out. No, no.

No, we love you. Here's what we're going to do. I'll go. I love the stand-up comedians. You know? Don't want me? I'll just take my jacket and go. Give him a chair.

Why don't we just all squeeze in? How's that? Can we get an extra chair? Will you help out comedians with some advice? Do you have a few minutes? Yeah, come on, Roddy. Please. Come sit here.

Come here. Come here. Here's what happens. You've been on the road there, big guy. Hey, wow. This is really happening. This is the greatest. This is the greatest.

I feel really good about everything. Ladies and gentlemen, Roddy Roddy Piper is in the room, everybody. I don't know. If you guys are half as excited as I am right now, then you've already... Then you have come running down your leg at the thought of Roddy Piper being here. I just watched They Live like three days ago

for the 5,000th time. And I was like, I did not know he was going to be here, so I immediately... Me neither. This is the greatest surprise ever. This is episode 50 of my show, Piper. The coolest. I'm sorry? This is episode 50 of my show, Piper. I'm sorry? This is episode 50 of this show. 50? Yeah.

50, baby. You betcha. Is he violent? Piper, here's how it works. This is the format. In this bucket, a bunch of comedians who were signing up for the open mic downstairs also signed up for this show.

Now, downstairs, if they get picked, they get put on a list, and they do three minutes in front of that room. On this show, if they get picked out of this bucket, they come from wherever they are in the room. They do one minute of stage time with that mic and mic stand right there. And they do stand-up for just a minute. We don't interrupt during that 60 seconds. They know their 60 seconds is up when they hear the sound of a kitten. Did you hear that? That's 60 seconds.

You're a sick puppy, you are. And then if they run the light after that, they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Hey, boy. Come on. Come on. Come on. All right. Yep. It's an angry bear tonight And then after that minute's up We talked to them about how we Felt about their minute Like we just Constructive

No no it's not about There's no winner or loser about their minute. Like we just, what any constructive I don't want to hurt nobody's feelings. Oh man. No, no. It's not about, there's no winner or loser. It's not a contest. It's just constructive criticism in any way.

Anything you liked about them, anything you want to find out about them, anything you would add or take away or anything. It's just, you just throw it out there

and they can take and leave whatever they want. And then we pull another name out of the bucket. Many mistakes I got, I can't throw many rocks. I'll take it easy on the kids. You throw all the rocks you want.

You've literally thrown rocks before. I'm pretty sure I've seen that. Alright, so what do you say? Are we going to get it started? You'll help out some young stars tonight with us? Awesome. Ladies and gentlemen, this is episode 50 of Kill Tony, featuring Rowdy Roddy Piper, Stephen Glickman, and Bob Oshak.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the Iranian patriot Hormoz Rashidi. Your first comedian doing a minute tonight goes by the name of Jared Levin. Yeah! a minute tonight goes by the name of Jared Levin. Yeah! Jared Levin just missed his spot, which means he's

blacklisted. That's what happened. That was hysterical. Nobody knows how to blow it up like the Iranian Patriot, guys. Put your hands together for your next first comedian, David Bass, everybody. David Bass.

Awesome. Here he comes. David Bass. Hello. Hey. I'm David Bass. How are you guys doing tonight? Great. Last name's Bass. It's like the fish. Bass is like the ale. Some famous people have the last name. Lance Bass.

I just found out we're related. His ancestors are my ancestors' slave owners. So waiting for that check. Just flew back from Alabama. Mobile, Alabama. And boy, my arm's tired of black people. My whole family's from there, where all the black people are from. But they shouldn't be, am I right, white people? I'm kidding. I love white people. My whole family is from there, where all the black people are from. Well, they shouldn't be, am I right, white people?

I'm kidding. I love white people. Do you prefer it be called Caucasians? Yeah? Someone told me that. A Caucasian is like an Asian, but with a bigger package. It's a compliment, really.

Except for the Asians. Are there any Asians here? No? That's a good thing. Let's see. Where should I start with this? I was thinking about this. I was watching the Food Network today,

and I was watching Rachel Ray make one of her famous dishes within a half hour, which took me like two hours to make. She was making... Oh, good. Fuck yeah. David Bass, everybody. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. How yeah, David Bass, everybody. Thank you, thank you very much.

Thank you. How long have you been in L.A.? A few weeks now. Oh, awesome. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Hell yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up for?

On and off a few years. Lethargically, terribly. Hey, you're making it happen. You know. Yeah. One day at a time Absolutely Were you doing it in Mobile? No, I was doing it in Boston, Massachusetts

Okay For how long again? A few years on and off About five years I haven't been counting You know, sometimes I take breaks And like, you know Work at a restaurant

Until I get fired And then I go back to Santa Comedy Ah It's multitasking It's like you look for comedy breaks and work at a restaurant until I get fired, and then I go back to Santa Comedy. It's multitasking. It's like you look for comedy, you write some jokes, you write some resumes. You work a job. Yeah.

Oh, sure. Do you ever talk about your job history when you're doing this? I was writing this book called The Resume. Thank you. It's an 8x11 memoir of Bostonians' past failures. It's not selling well. I'm just giving it away. They're constantly being accepted.

But... I love it. What do you want to do? Do you want to be a stand-up comic or not? Yeah, I mean, I've always wanted... At first I wanted to write. I was like writing these little chronicles. These little gay chronicles about these boys and then I was drawing doodles for it. And then I ended up

judging for stand-up comedians. I was judging comics at a sushi bar in Boston on Boston Street. And I ended up doing stand-up. And I was actually pretty good at it, on and off. You know, and so, yeah. So you do want to be in it to win it. You are actually. How often are you going up

on stage? Not a lot here. I've been a little bashful, a little shy. Okay. The guys are hustlers here, and it's hard to get in. Yeah, but if you make it here, Not a lot here. I've been a little bashful, a little shy. Okay. Don't be. The guys are hustlers here, and it's hard to get in. Yeah, but if you make it here, you can make it anywhere, right? I heard that in New York one time. It's one time in New York.

I heard that one time, but yeah. Just be in it. Yeah, I would just say you're very likable. Play towards that. Do you agree with me? Yeah, you're a likable guy. You've got a likable thing. Yeah, and you've got a likable. Play towards that. Do you agree with me? Yeah, you're a likable guy. You've got a likable thing. Yeah, and you've got a likable face.

I like your face. Thanks. Piper, what do you think of David Bass? Good shoulder length. The shoulders are nice. I just started working out. Wow. So, yeah.

So far. So far. Let's check out the hair. Let's see the hair. Oh, I'm doing this thing where I'm... Sort of like a Virgil, right? I'm shaving. Oh, yeah. So far. So far. Let's check out the hair. Let's see the hair. Oh, I'm doing this thing where I'm... Sort of like a Virgil, right? I'm shaving off the hair right here so it looks like I'm balding. But later on, I'm just going to shave the whole thing and I'll be hot again.

That's a good, solid move. Thanks. You should shave your whole head. That's probably going to be good. I'll do it later on. And then just leave the sideburns. Yeah, like little chops? Yeah, that's the move, man.

I like this. Then you can look just like me. You guys have any comedy advice? Yeah. Just give me more advice on your looks. I can just do that. That's all right. I model.

Unfortunately, looks are about 90% of the battle making it in comedy nowadays. Really? So seriously, I could probably give you a bunch of material advice. That's all going to evolve. But truthfully, if you want to make it in stand-up comedy, just honestly don't take this the wrong way. Don't wear shorts on stage.

Yes, that's 100% true. Literally. I'm not trying. I mean literally. Wear, just dress a little nicer, and then hit the material a little stronger. You have a good vibe to you. You buttoned your shirt wrong, too.

You know that, right? It's leg day, for one thing, and it's a snap-on shirt, so I'm kind of just half-assing it, like my comedy. No, it's because you wore it one button up. I'm fixing it now. No, you know what?

There are... Look. This is a fine place to come and perform at, but there are lots of other places in town This is a fine place to come and perform at, but there are lots of other places in town to... It is so true, though. Dressing the part is a very big deal, and that's one of the things that Piper taught me. Piper always dresses the part,

even when it's too hot outside to wear a leather jacket. He's always doing it. That's part of it, man. That's what comes with being who you are. He went through that snowsuit phase. It was rough in the summer. There was a lady named Ella Fitzgerald and she told me,

give them a good beginning and a great ending and they'll forgive a lot in between. So if you come up here and instead of, I know you're trying to find them, have one that works. Put it in your pocket. Then the race thing right from the top, they weren't warm enough. It was funny.

Just weren't warm enough. And then have a way to get out of it and it'll give you the confidence in the middle. And one other thing about Elephant's Gerald. It's true. Elephant's Gerald. This is amazing. That's Jedi shit right there.

That's fucking good advice. This is a great format for you, Pipes. This is going to be good. This is, I love it. David, thank you so much. Please sign up again. Come back again soon. You did a great job.

This is awesome. You did a good thing that you did with your good face. You know, I've told so many people, like, Oh, David Bass is D. Lee Bass on Twitter, by the way, guys. You know, I've told so many people, like, when – Oh, David Bass is D. Lee Bass on Twitter, by the way, guys. D. Lee Bass. He's only been in town a couple weeks. I see charisma.

But you want a Coke? Josh, can we get a Coke for Pipes? Thank you so much. No straw. What are you saying? Nothing. Deposition. Yes, no, I do not recall. Allegedly.

For those of you that don't know, on top of being one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time, sorry to mention this, Piper. I'm sure you get annoyed everywhere you go. But also, he was the first wrestler to establish an

improvisational show from within the mainframe of pro wrestling, which was called Piper's Pit, where he would interview other wrestlers. And you improvised most of that, right? All of it. Especially the screaming, the high-pitched screaming. They were killing me.

The high-pitch? Yeah. It became very competitive because the first guy I had on, there were some rules you're not supposed to say about other guys. I'll give you one. If you're fighting

some guy, you're young and he's a little older, every time he passes the cemetery, two guys chase him with shovels. Don't say that about him. Does nothing for business and you get the dog knocked out of you for it. But thank you so much. So this Piper's Pit, I didn't know what to say because I just didn't know. And there was this Puerto Rican gentleman right here named Frankie Williams. And I'm going, you know, know it's live a lot of folks you know I what am I going to say and I said so where are you from Frankie Williams the only Puerto Rican I know has got freckles

the thickest in the thickest Puerto Rican accent he said I'm from a Columbus Ohio we're rolling you got him but you suck as a wrestler. You should have been a shoemaker. And he fought me and fought me. I got him on the back like the... Ow, you bastards. Every time you think you got all the answers, I change the fucking question.

Yeah, that made history. That's just how that happened. Holy shit. Alright, let's keep rocking. Your next comedian, doing a minute, put your hands together for Tyler Meznarek. Yeah, Tyler! Tyler!

Thank you. I'm from Montana and I moved here to LA, which as you can imagine, it's a hard transition, going from a place that always survives movie apocalypses to a place that never does. It's tough. I live in such a flyover state.

The aliens from that movie Independent State, they flew over us. They could have just cruised by and turned on their little city blaster and probably got us, but the alien in charge was just like, no, don't even waste the alien gas. We gotta go to Houston. Houston. They blew up

Houston in that movie. I had no idea the stakes were so high until I moved to Los Angeles. They blew up Houston. What's left? Albuquerque? Nothing. No idea. You know, that's how that happens. I'm gonna call that good.

There you go. I forgot the last part. You have something, Bob? Don't give up. Keep going. Until you hear that fucking cat. Do not give up. Yeah. God's sakes. Do whatever you gotta do, Tyler. Do not give up. Yeah. For God's sakes. Do another one. Do one more. Whatever you gotta do, Tyler, do not give up. Don't bail before the light.

We got Roddy Piper here. I'll be goddamn if you're gonna leave before that light. Alright. You do one more joke or I'm gonna punch you in the face. The best thing happened to me the other day. I was in my car listening to NPR and it was right after the Oscars and the lady says,

oh, this is amazing. Steve McQueen, director of 12 Years a Slave. The first African American to ever win Best Director. Another woman interrupted her and said, oh, actually, he's British. Then she immediately said, oh, I'm sorry, first black guy. Drop the mic. Drop the mic. Drop the mic.

Drop the mic. Put your arms in the air. Put your arms in the air. Oh, hell yeah. Put your arms in the air. Silence. Silence. It's bravado, brother. It's bravado.

All that's missing with you is the bravado. You are a fucking gift to them, not the other way around. Yeah, bro. Remember that. Remember that. You came out here from fucking Montana? Yeah. Are you kidding me?

And you're going to walk off stage before you do the full minute? Never again. I never want to see you before you end. You do it. You are you know? Dude, that shit's hysterical. And don't pussy out on the fucking Independence Day joke. That movie made

a bajillion dollars. They play it every Independence Day. It is a fucking shitty movie. I still tell jokes about that movie. You should fuck it. There's another movie that you can update it to, like the fucking Godzilla movie. Update it to something else.

Don't chicken out on it. Fucking really go for it. Thank you. Own your shit. Come sit up here. I think we have room for one more person. We can probably fit you back here. And if you start wearing hipster glasses in a month from now, I'm going to punch you right in the face. I swear to God.

Don't you do it. All right. But you see what I'm saying? Yeah, man. Literally own it. Take it. Take it. It's yours.

This is your opportunity. Because I can't give you specifics on material right now, but I can give you on fucking confidence and grabbing the stage, okay? I mean, you want to talk about grabbing the stage. Here's a guy who knows how to grab the stage. Doesn't know the stage he's on right now, but this is a guy who can grab the stage, okay? After the zoo, we're going to Hong Kong and Disneyland.

You started great, though. You walked up, you took the mic, put it away, and then fucking went right ahead. It was very pro shit. And then you backed out, and you're like, I forgot the rest of my shit. I gotta get out of stage. You got material.

If you got shit to do, keep doing it. And from the technical standpoint, you're talking about aliens not wanting to visit Montana. Well, I think you could go one deeper than even an Independence Day. I think you could really talk about how you could go into it by maybe mentioning something about not only do human beings not want to visit it, but I don't know. Maybe you did, but maybe I just didn't hear it.

This is how much Montana sucks. Right. We can't get aliens to blow it up. Aliens don't even go there. They'd rather be in the middle of the desert in Roswell, not to mention movie aliens don't even go there. You could build this so that by the time you're in your Independence Day thing, you're already deep into it.

It's like that movie Contagion. They had all the red dots of where all the disease were. It's just like open area. You can't even get a red dot. We can't even get AIDS in our town. That's good though. Play up the whole Montana angle because trust me, no one here knows

what it's like in Montana. But that's your strength. How long have you been in LA? Year and a half, almost two years. You come out here for this? Yeah. To do stand-up? Yeah.

Was there any stage time whatsoever in Montana? I was stage coach. Not really. Did you do, no, hold on. There may be something funny here. Did you ever do stand-up in Montana? Yes. They had some one-nighters,

Triple Run did one-nighters and then I emceed a poetry open mic for my college. You have to talk about what a poetry open mic is like in Montana. Yes. Trust me, the shit will write itself. Go home tonight and write that bit. And then you can do one of the poems

and just write a fucking poem and pretend like you saved it and be like, this is one of the poems that people would read and just read a fucking poem and read, like pretend like you saved it and be like, this is one of the poems that people would read and just read a funny poem. Right. People trying to blatantly plagiarize Dr. Seuss.

Yeah. Thinking nobody else has seen it. This next one is called The Cat in the Hat. Yeah. There was this one time like a, like it was like a gang

of like leather gang of like leather poets like hipster hipstery chains leather poets sounds like the worst

punk band of all time we are the leather poets thanks for coming out everybody but they would boo they would go up there

and they would they would just it was right around like high bush era like with Dick Cheney and so they would just go up there and they would just, it was right around like high Bush era, like with Dick Cheney. Yeah. So they would just go up there and be like, fuck George Bush. Fuck Dick Cheney and his oil dick. Fuck him back to Afghanistan.

And they would just go and they'd say that. And then I'd go up there and I'd be like, I'd make like a masturbation reference. And then the coffee place would just be like, whoa, ease off on that, all right? You don't want to talk about that bop it reminds you of jerking off thing, you know? Yeah, work on that. Yeah, definitely. Piper, Tyler sort of reminds me of an out of shape The Miz.

What do you think about that? Is that a pretty good analysis? No, but you know, I might do one of two things. I might go get a red plaid Pendleton shirt, because that's what they wear in Montana. Or at least go get a shirt with a collar, because it makes you look clean, and the audience is more apt to kind of like you,

because you're taking care of yourself, even though you're poor. God bless you all, but no. Yeah, you throw on a fucking alligator. I'll buy you the shirt. Sometimes it's all in, you know,

you are what you think and you are what you feel. Boom, you've got to kind of snap into that. Play that up, for sure. Great job, Tyler. Thank you so much. That's Tyler Meznarek. He's on Twitter at Tyler Meznarek.

Tyler, M-E-Z-N-A-R-I-C-H. Fuck yeah, this is very exciting. Bob, you've been on the show before. Once before, yeah. Steven, there's a question that I always ask people on their first time that I want to ask you and Roddy. Sure. Was there ever anything you did

in the beginning of your career? Maybe, I mean, obviously you, Glickman, you know, on stage, anything you said or did that you can't believe that you did, or Piper, something very early on in your thing that you can't believe you did, which I'm sure the list probably looks like Schindler's. It's got some things on it.

I was trying to think of a long list. Schindler had a pretty long list, right? He has a long list. Not long enough. I don't think that was written on a Post-it note or anything. Anything you can't believe that you did? In the beginning of my act, when I first started doing stand-up, everything I wrote was sex jokes.

That's kind of how most comics started. They write lots of sex-type jokes. Or if you're a dirty kind of person, that's what you write, and that's the kind of shit I would write. And then my mom came to see me do stand-up three months into doing stand-up, and I did a joke about retard porn.

Oh, boy. In front of my mom. That'll do it. And she hasn't, she's never let that one go. Like, she still brings it up. She's like, I don't understand who would watch it. I don't believe that it's real. And I think it's offensive that your mind would come up with that.

And I was like, no, it's fucking real. I have one. I'll play it for you. mind would come up with that. I was like, no, it's fucking real. I have one. I'll play it for you. So, yeah, that was like, that's, you know, an early screw up, I guess, in some ways. That's awesome. Piper, how about

you? What do you got? Could be from anything. Baby Jesus. Something that I wish I hadn't done? Maybe. Or maybe it's just something embarrassing, something you can't believe that you did.

Oh, I got all those categories figured out for you. I'm just doing the editing for you. It's a different answer for you. One time, I wish I wouldn't have done this one. Let's try to tell it quick. I wrestled this guy. His name was Bad News Allen. and he was an Olympic Judo player but he was just a social wrestler

and I had to wrestle him in Toronto Sky Dome and he's a black gentleman, I'm from Canada so I pay him myself half black that ain't nothing myself half black. That ain't nothing, nothing. So, and you can see it's 63,000 people that come out. I'm dancing like this. I'm trying to be like

Michael Jackson. They're doing the same thing you're doing. Like, what the fuck is he doing? And I'm half black. So... Split right down the middle. I'm pretty sure I remember. Part of me started to grow. It's a lopsided thing.

Aerodynamic. And so they bought this black paint so when I would wrestle, the sweat wouldn't take it off. So, you know, I went out there and had a pretty lackluster match with this guy and came back and I'm set down and the lady goes and five minutes later my cheek is bleeding.

See, there was this solution just looked like water, but Andre the Giant and Arnie Skolin dumped it out and filled it with water. Now, I'm in Toronto, Canada, half black. I can't get it off. I swear to God. And so I proceeded to, you know, go out and get drunk as I possibly could. And the next morning, and don't judge me because, you know, it hurts me. I woke up with all my clothes on my bed.

And this hotel my hotel door room the door to my hotel was gone and I had there was a cowboy hat in the middle of the I don't know cowboy hat there

and I had had a four foot Mickey Mouse that I bought for my daughter and when I woke up I forgot I was half black and then I saw, holy shit, because I got to go from Toronto to Portland, Oregon. So I got the cowboy hat, since it might be a friend of mine. I put the cowboy hat on, and I got my briefcase here

and my four-foot Mickey mouth there. I want to tell you, when you come through half white and half black, they get the fuck out of your way. And the next plane to Chicago, the stewardess lady had a problem and wanted me to check Mickey, and fuck you, I bought him a first-class seat, and we all drank all the way home. Wow. That is such a cool story.

Well, I'm sorry I did that. That's an amazing story. Mickey got a first-class ticket. That is such a cool story. I'm sorry I did that. That's an amazing story. Mickey got a first class ticket. That is such a great ending. Oh my God. How is that not a movie? How has this not happened? I love it.

You know that in Saints Row 3, the video game, you can play and hang out with Roddy in the game. Really? And you can reenact. It's amazing. He's in the game. You get to reenact scenes with him. in the game. Really? And you can reenact, like, it's amazing. He's in the game. Like, you just get to,

like, you get to reenact scenes with him. It's amazing. That is so awesome. It's true, right? Yeah. That's the fucking, the fucking coolest thing.

You know, the store is in GTA V. You can come right up to that door right there. No way. Yeah, the one that's right next to this stage. That's fucking crazy. That's around the back

of the comedy store in the parking lot or you could just come here. Yeah. Right? You could just come here to this stage. That's fucking crazy. It's around the back of the Comedy Store in the parking lot and up the block stairs. Right? You could just come here and hang out with this guy. Of course. Do all these folks just come to watch you do this podcast? Some of them do.

We have some regulars there. There's Jerry and Laney over there. Hi, Jerry and Laney. Howdy. Your jeans smothered? Laney's already dropping names over there. Howdy. Your jeans, buddy? It's really... Laney's already dropping names over there. Little Miss Royalty.

I love it. It's gracious. This is the saddest Iron Man I've ever seen. It's so depressed. How are you doing over there, Iron Pit? I'm good. I'm waiting for my opportunity to throw some stuff. Thank you.

Of course you would, Iron Man. Oh, shit. Fuck you. Oh, my God. That's amazing. This is so much fun. All right. Are you guys ready for your next comedian or what? Let's do it.

He goes by the name of Charlie Talbert, everyone. Here he is. much fun. All right, are you guys ready for your next comedian or what? Let's do it. He goes by the name of Charlie Talbert, everyone. Talbert. Oh, wow. God, I haven't seen you guys since I roofied you in Texas. How's it going? Mr. Letterman, evil me. I always wanted to be you growing up. I still wear skirts to this day.

You remember the two towers? Good to see you again, you fuck. No, no, I'm just kidding. Good to see you. How are you? God, you're up. I still wear skirts to this day. You remember the two towers? Good to see you again, you fuck. No, no, just kidding. Good to see you. How are you? God, you're gorgeous. What's your name? Sarah. Sarah, Jesus, you're amazingly beautiful. God, you're... I saw you sitting here alone. Excuse me, sir.

You ever just look at a chick and think, God, I could overpower her? As a friend, who desperately wants to have sex with you? No, I'm kidding. I do want to have sex with you. I'm just getting into the dating scene, guys. I'm getting out there.

I tried this thing, Tinder. You guys have all heard of Tinder. Every comedian talks about it. If you haven't heard about it, it's this app where you grab the screen, you see her face, and you swipe right if you like her. And if you don't like her, you swipe left. Well, I did that like 70 times, and nobody got back to me except for my cousin, who showed me how to use the app.

So I got a date next Friday. I'm very excited. But I'm going to do this the old-fashioned way. I went out into the real world. I met a chick. She started talking to me, and she's like, I really like you. And I was like, I really like you, too. So I grabbed her face and swiped right. There you go. Thank you.

Sweet. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. What was right before the Tinder one? What was the joke right before the Tinder? Overpowering the woman. Talking to a before the Tinder? Overpowering the woman. Overpowering the woman. That really just made the whole room uncomfortable. It's really pretty

much like showing your dick and having a big open wound. I need to get this fixed. And then putting it away and trying to do a bunch of jokes. You pretty much just put a big bomb in the room and then tried to climb back on the jokes. You pretty much just put a big bomb in the room and then tried to climb back on the hill. It's like an Ari Shaffir move.

Yeah. You pretty much said you wanted to rape her. But as a friend. I know, but the joke was rape. She's right there. You're a lot bigger. Here's my beef with it.

Here's my beef with that thing. Is that you went for that. You played that angle and then when it got weird you pulled out. You pulled back. You could play it one of two ways. You could obviously

be a comedian just joking about wanting to rape her, or you can not mention raping her. But you can't... Don't do things halfway, whether it's rape or whether it's painting yourself black. You know what I mean? Go all the way

with it. Just rape her fully. Or don't rape at all. Go black or just stay white and enjoy the first class ticket. But you know what I mean? I agree 100%. There's a lot of weight on those comments. You know what I mean? When you put this outfit together today, right, this is, you committed to this situation.

You went red shoes, red tie, red hat, dress shirt. This is great. I think it's fine. All right? Like, you might not be doing this in four years from now, but maybe, like, in the beginning, you do a little shtick thing to, like, have a thing. I did the same fucking thing when I started out. Bob will let you know. At the fucking Friars Club when I was doing stand-up, I'd show up in three-piece suits and look like a fucking asshole, but

people knew who I was. And then you do 20 minutes of retard porn. Exactly. Well, the thing is, is I actually slowly went away, and that became this. This is a stick. Like, I wear, I've got 14 of these shirts, and I literally have 14 of these ties. I started out doing film and television, now I'm doing stand-up. I fucked up.

I know. So I switched it up to try this style, and this was like my eighth month. What do you mean you fucked up? Wait, wait, I want to hear a little more. What do you mean you fucked up? What did you start out doing? I've done about 34 films, about 20 television shows. Bit rolls?

Yeah. Have you ever heard of the movie Angus? Yeah. That was me. Oh, hey! Hey, that's good to see you, brother. Great, Angus, what's that about? Wait, tell me what Angus was.

I feel like I knew it. It was James Van Der Beek's first big movie, mine. It was about a big kid who falls in love with a girl, and he can't have her. So he rapes her. Yeah, he rapes her. No. And at the end, he gets her. He triumphs, that kind of thing.

Well, shit, man. This is what you should be... No. You should be talking about this, right? I do. I talk about how I was always busy. You do delve into more of this kind of stuff you don't come across as a guy

who should be doing gratuitous material for the sake of being gratuitous you don't need that I think you're kind of a likable warm guy you remind me to me is this an old reference

Norm from Cheers do you know what I mean you're like a Norm from Cheers in the last thing oh wow well fuck there you are. Holy shit.

Hey, Roddy. Back here, Roddy. Look. Look, there he is. That's the fucking movie. Warner Brothers movie, man. But you know what I mean? That's the kind of stuff

you talk about and perhaps talk about the... Well, do you feel like you slipped back? Do you feel like you've fallen or do you feel like this is a... Well, I left for five years. Why?

I wanted to get married, have kids, and then I got divorced and said, hey, I should do stand-up comedy. And this is my 128th time on stage. Okay, there you go. There's your journey. Talk about that stuff. That's the stuff that you should be talking about. Of course. I'm working on the Tinder joke. That's really the one that I'm trying to work with.

When you said that you feel like you went backwards, that you did it the wrong way, Piper had something. Yeah, where's he? You know what? I think you did fucking great. Well, thanks, man. Yeah, you know what? You did your homework.

You had something on everybody, boom to boom. And that, you know, so then you kind of, you know, you only had so much time to get over. You got all the energy the energy you got everything going you just need to tighten it up and make it work and find out where the punchlines are but other than that that's actually literally the first time

that joke's ever bombed but it's like staying in that moment is what I should do go with that moment and call myself out here's the thing here's the tricky thing about rape. I've got material on rape. I think everyone at this table

has some rape material. Are you playing the trailer to the movie? Yeah, there he is. Angus Bethune? I can't dance. Is that you? You're the kid? I can't talk to girls? That's him, dude. You're Angus, right?

Charlie Talbert. No joke. Yeah, he's Angus, man. But I can smash Rick Sanford's face in. Got a temper saver for the football field. I'm not going. You get to dance with Melissa LaVita. Happy Bates is in that movie, just in case you're wondering.

This is a fucking real movie. just in case you're wondering. This is a fucking real movie. I don't know. We're going to turn you from a large, pathetic virgin into a large, pathetic virgin with a new look. This is Wanda.

And she is your date? She's yours. Hey, dude. Awesome. When Angus dances with Melissa, she's never going to look back. That's my best friend in real life, Chris Owen. We just finished our 14th film together.

Wow. That's awesome. Give him a round of applause. Can I get your autograph? They live, Angus. Angus, they live. Look at that. That's cool.

I came here to chew bubblegum and tell jokes, and I'm all out of bubblegum, brother. I think we need to find this guy some more bubble gum, guys, because I don't think you want to hear any more. I love and respect you, Tony. Thank you so much. I love you, Charlie. I just found out you're a child star,

and it makes sense since you look like a big baby. When it comes to the right material to do a joke like that, When it comes to the rape material, to do a joke like that, if you put it on yourself, like, oh, I could never get her because I have to fucking rape chicks to make that happen. If you find a way of doing it, instead of it being like, you're a big guy, you saying to a girl, I could rape you, seems like a little... It just...

I got three daughters. Keep the rape thing out of the motherfucker. You got it, Roddy. I agree. You don't have to go there, man. I'll usually follow that up in a normal routine. I've never done a minute jam before. Yeah, I know what you mean.

But I'll follow that up with, you know what? There's nothing I can do to you. They need the same amount of equipment to find my penis. They need to find Flight 370. You know that. Hilarious. I do shit like that. So I bring myself.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Roddy Piper just said, don't do the rape joke. And Roddy will... I will never give another rape joke on stage for you, Roddy. There you go. For you, fucking Roddy. That's a lesson. Love Roddy.

Roddy Piper has spoken, ladies and gentlemen. Love you, Roddy. Thank you, gentlemen. Charlie Talbertiper has spoken, ladies and gentlemen. Love you, Roddy. Charlie Talbert, everybody. There he goes. Give him a round of applause. He's on Twitter. His handle is BigGuyInTheTie. Is that true? That's your real Twitter handle? I'm going to follow you right now, Charlie.

Yeah, but see, Angus raping somebody is kind of funny. Yes, I agree. So maybe if he brings up Angus first... That's how the movie should have ended. Just kidding. I can't get laid. I'm just going to rape this girl instead.

This summer, Angus is back. Let's get another comedian up here, shall we, guys? Sarah Kenny, everyone. Sarah Kenny. Hey. Hey, Charlie, look who it is. Oh, shit. Jump on her, Charlie.

Weird. All my jokes are about being raped. So I went down to the dumpster to throw out my baby. And well, what happened was all throughout my pregnancy, I drank non-alcoholic beer and my baby came out so boring. But the thing is, I didn't really need the baby. I just, I really needed the breast milk. And if you've ever had a breast milk latte, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. So I really hate, I really hate guys that ride these motorcycles that are very loud

to the point where you have to plug your ears when they go by. Because it's such an obvious plea for attention. And it's just like those guys who drive fire trucks, like also very much in need of attention. So it's really hard being such a large-breasted woman trapped in a game. It's so funny to think that you thought talking about being a large-breasted woman would stop the angry West Hollywood bear.

Angry West Hollywood bears do not care at all about breasts. No, they don't. 100% true. That's why they make the best enforcers at times. Seriously. All right. The dead baby thing. Let's just all pretend like that never happened.

She kind of saved it, I thought. Really? When she said it was from drinking non-alcoholic beer and it came out boring. I thought that was funny. That's a funny joke. That actually saved it for me. I'd just get right to that then. If that's worth it, then I would go I'd keep it short so that it doesn't

seem so real and dark and creepy in the beginning. You're opening wide. You could just say, I don't want to get pregnant because if I did I've done the non-alcoholic part by itself before. That joke's great. That's a great joke. It can totally stand alone. I was so creeped

out from the other stuff that going into that I sort of was numb to it, if that makes sense. Did you really have a baby or no? Is that a joke? Okay, all right. Have you ever really had a breast milk latte? Because it is pretty disgusting.

It's really sour. No, you've had one? Really? Seriously? This is a real thing? Yeah. Really? Seriously? This is a real thing. Yeah. Oh, wait, so I'm sorry to interrupt. I got a real solid question here.

Why are you doing material about having a baby and being pregnant if you have not had a baby and we're not pregnant? I'm just asking out of curiosity. Is there a reason for that, or do you know someone that was pregnant? I had some... God,

I feel like it comes up too often. I've been on here before and I did a joke about getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage and that did happen. So then that's kind of spurred some other material in my head. Got it. Oh, well then that makes sense. I love that there's

two people in the doorway right now pondering whether this is the show they want to be in or not, and that's the part that they just walked in on. Guys, guys, guys, stick around. He's about to rape her. Come on in, folks. It's all happening. Everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. We're about to make another

miscarriage, everybody. I'm sorry, Sarah. It's definitely too soon for that. She's laughing. She's laughing. She's laughing. Oh, they laughed. Fuck yeah.

Oh, thank you, guys. They did. They came in. Oh, they came in. The two newest audience members. We're drawing people in with Sarah's amazing... By telling them that I was going to get raped. Let's talk about the motorcycle thing, shall we? Sure.

It ended in firemen, right? So what's that about? Well, I had actually never told that one before, so I had no idea. But yeah, it was just like, I feel like motorcycles are guys who want to get attention. But fire trucks go by and they're equally as loud, and they're clearly not trying to get attention. But, you know. Yeah, I see the idea. It needs to be changed.

Fleshed out, yeah. Maybe start with the ambulance, maybe, or do it backwards, or no? It is interesting. It's a wild... You know what I'm going for. I just, yeah, it's new. I haven't really worked on it too much, so.

Talking about something that's really hard, like, emotionally hard to talk about, like a miscarriage on stage, making it funny and doing it for yourself and getting some good material in there for it. That can be great. Just don't trap yourself into thinking that you have to do that forever because it's your – Oh, no. I mean, it's good. That particular joke is really funny. You just don't have to

do lots of material on it. You could just do one joke about the pregnancy and then just fucking hop ship and move on to something else. Motorcycles and whatnot. This is something I just real quick. How long have you been doing? About a year and a half. Year and a half. Do you feel

as a female comic, and this is just a genuine question, do you feel uh as a female comic and this is just a genuine question do you feel predisposed towards doing edgy material to stand out or just because of its stand-up comedy and it sort of lends itself to being kind of edgy do you feel like you're doing it because of that or because that's truly what you want to do on stage um i i just do it because that's what makes me laugh. That's what entertains me. So you like doing darker material.

I do. So it's an intentional choice. You're not trying to fit in or try to fit a certain type that's perhaps trending. Okay, okay. No, that makes sense. For sure.

As long as you're doing it because you want to do it. Because you know what I mean. Especially female comics. Sometimes they try to be dirty to fit into the

unfortunately all male club that seems to be stand-up comic for the most part. And you don't come across as an inherently edgy person. And I don't, I mean, not that I hate kids, but I don't love kids. I don't really want to have kids. So I do enjoy making jokes about getting rid of them. Not having them. See, just you telling it that way made it much funnier than if you were to say it

like real deadpan. There's almost a joy in you saying, yeah, but you're so sweet, and yet you're telling me with a laugh that you enjoy getting rid of children.

There's something cool about that. You're having fun with the line. Piper, what do you think about all this? You have three daughters, right? You have three kids. I think she's beautiful. Thank you.

I think a little more wholesome. You know, I'm a dad, you know. But you're so beautiful, naturally. And, like, you kind of shine. If you just told them the truth, I bet you they'd love you forever. Really good stuff. That's a really good point. You know what?

Sometimes for me, when I want something, sometimes I try too hard. Instead of just like... Because then the timing's right. And they get a chance to know you through the beats. Yeah. I do feel like in the minute time frame, I rush it a little. My timing's maybe not as...

Yeah, because you're nervous. You're trying to keep them rolling or all that great stuff. But you're so pure, you're hitting them with that right out of the chute. Like, you know, where you go from latte, you know? Clubbing baby seals. It's kind of like...

Ooh, that's good. Great job. Give her a round of applause, everyone. I love it. Now he's grabbing her. Oh, shit. What was that? Every set she has, she's always dark and mysterious like that. I really want to see what your personal life is.

Do you play a lot of video games? Are you a comic book girl? How many cats do you own? Zero cats. Zero cats. I do write something. Oh, she writes video games. See, I knew there was something there. That's what a video game writer is like.

That's a cool chick right there. That's a girl that has a webcam show that she doesn't tell anybody about. Oh. I see, I see. Yeah? Guys, let's get... How are we looking on time here?

Nine, two, nine. We got one more. Okay. Piper, how you doing? You okay? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, keep it going for our special guest.

Thank you so much for popping in. I'll see you in a bit. You are the greatest, Piper. God, that's so cool. Isn't that amazing? Amazing. Where's he going? He's a... You know, Piper is a paid regular here. Yeah, I knew that.

What did he say about a piano? Oh, he goes and he plays the piano. Uh-oh. Hopefully that main room shows over. I don't know if there is one tonight, actually. We just got started about that. Oh, really? I think Roddy may be back up here in a couple minutes. He might just start playing the piano anyway.

All right. Who's going to stop him? No one's going to stop that guy. When he first came on stage, I just saw somebody coming towards the stage. I'm like, this guy's not going to stop. He's going to attack. I think he was going to attack one of you guys. I'm like, he's going to.

Oh, wait, who is this? How do you guys know? I have no idea. Oshak, do you have gambling debts? I didn't know what I was going to do. You are fucked. I knew he was regular here, but that was kind of cool. That was pretty awesome.

That was really cool. Did Roddy think we were just going to spend an hour and a half on his act? Is that why he kind of took that scene? No, he didn't know the format coming in. Oh, okay. He was just popping in to say hello. That's awesome. He really did grab my neck pretty hard, though.

That was no joke. That guy is tough as shit. He's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very strong. A funny quick one about him is he was hanging out here a lot. We were doing stand-up together and he made friends with a lot of us here. He was talking about his shoulder hurting a bit for a few weeks. After the few weeks of being busy and this achy shoulder,

we found out that his neck was broken. So when he says, ah, my shoulder's hurting a little bit, that means he has a broken neck. Literally, that's how tough of a human being he is. That's amazing. I'll, like, complain for a week if I stub my toe or something. He's like, hmm, something's a little bit wrong. Ugh.

All right. And then, like alright pop it in he wouldn't acknowledge it for a while it's amazing toughest guy I know fuck yeah guys your next comedian everybody goes by the name of GT why do comedians I'm gonna let you try to convince me to

Hello Why do comedians adopt dogs? Why do you fucking comedians adopt dogs? You just don't get it, people. When you're in and out of the comedy store, in and out of the improv, in and out of strip clubs, in and out of cafes, networking, trying to make it.

Yeah. While your dog is home alone. While your dog is home alone, horny and naked. Yeah. Well you're out every fucking night trying to fucking get laid and fucking trying to make it. Alright guys, how you guys doing? I love that. Most comedians start with, hey, how you guys doing?

He ends with it. Wait, he's still doing his act, I think. Are you done? Holy shit, that was terrifying. Can't believe Roddy left before he came up. He must have known that

that was going to happen. Piper's instincts are so good. He's like, you know what, guys? I'm going to get out of here. It was a weird journey. That was a weird minute-long journey. I felt like most people were scared and or just had no clue where you were going. Then suddenly, we all thought we knew where you were going, and then all of a sudden, we were scared and or just had no clue where you were going. Then suddenly we all thought we knew where you were going.

And then all of a sudden we were scared and confused again. All in the period of about 45 to 50 seconds. There was a big laugh there that happened at one point, but it was off of her laugh. Everybody heard somebody laugh and it made them laugh that anybody would laugh at that. Then all of a sudden everybody was cracking up and you took a beat. You probably thought it was your laugh. It wasn laugh at that. Then all of a sudden, everybody was cracking up, and you took a beat. You probably thought it was your laugh. It wasn't.

It was just a random laugh. Were you laughing at me, or were you laughing at my jokes? That's good. Are you doing that? Is that a character that you're doing, or is this a real thing? You know what? I'm confused myself.

That's true. He goes in and out of it. I've seen it. I've been watching GT for years. I used to host downstairs, and he's done this a couple times. So he comes in and out to where he'll be like

this guy that wants to do comedy that writes jokes and this and that, and then he'll just fucking turn into this. I can't even describe the other thing. Tony was one of those guys. I really quite sure if he liked my stuff or he didn't. I don't know. Is he the same model as the Patriot?

No, no, he is not. He is not Iranian. Wow. Obviously a very defensive Patriot over there. He does not want to be lined up with that. Iranians and Armenians don't really see GT is the reason for the Armenian genocide.

Oh shit. Settle down GT. That's a joke. Jesus Christ. You get a couple Middle Eastern people next to each other. Next thing you know it's fucking Yeah. One genocide reference. Suddenly someone's Mr. Thinskin.

Come on, GT. We're just talking about wiping out race. Thank God there's no Jews on stage. That's all it takes. Oh, Steven. This is really awkward. You're Jewish. That's my character. I really can't tell.

Sometimes I'll be like, is that really me? It's not really me. I'll be videotaping myself. I think you yelling about dogs is kind of hilarious. I think it's terrifying and weird that you're doing it, and I kind of like it. I want to do a special version of Kill Tony with you one episode where we have you come on and my guests

are just two psychiatrists instead of comedians. I want to see what their actual feedback is. What was your father like? The fact that you went back to the jerking off dog for a moment,

I do believe you're bipolar. I just want to put a drop cam in his house just so I can log in at any time and just see what he's doing. You own a house? You should put it in his taxi cab. Just watch the movie The Room. You'll just know.

It's basically the same. So you've seen, you've watched GT evolve through the years. Was this... The lack of evolution. Was this new material tonight? Oh yeah, definitely new material. I was honestly shocked at how good your

impression of the dog was that you went into in the middle there. I had two dogs. One of them got hit by a car. Oh shit. Don't use that in the act. Let me ask you this did he have the other dog put the car out of park to run him over

no it was a suicidal dog joke everybody it would have been not only a suicidal dog but one that communicated to the other dog to get into the car to take the parking brake off I mean it was a dog suicidal and with a plan and and it went nowhere.

But I floated it out there. You should give that joke to Charlie Talbot. Too much work. Do you have a Vine? Because it seems like you'd be a Vine celebrity. Oh, yeah. A Vine. No, I don't.

My cousins are all like, Hey, you should get on Vine. You should get on this. I'm sick and tired of this Twitter, Facebook. Suck my dick. And time over. Stay perfect. There you go.

That's it. That's a sick second. Suck Facebook. It's like high school. The only thing I would add to that is while you're doing the impression of your high-pitched cousins, you just... That could be like your get or die. That could be a whole series of Vine videos.

The jerk off. I'm over it, man. I'm over the social media crap. It's videos. I'm over it, man. I'm over social media crap. It's like high school all over again, bro. People stalking me. People want to know what's up. People unfriending me. People coming back, want to be back friends again.

And cut. There we go. That's it. That's fine. And then it repeats over and over and over again. You want to be friends again? Maybe do it in just just tighty-whities while eating a hot dog in a bathtub or something.

But you could totally become a Vine celebrity. These people are making fucking killer. And then you can go do your comedy wherever the fuck you want to based on six seconds, seven seconds. And you're sick of everything. I'm going to log on to Vine. So there you go, GT.

You're sick of everything. That's your angle. You're sick of everything. Just try it out. I'm sick of it, bro. What do you think of trees? Trees. If you ever see an Armenian in a tree, if you ever see an Armenian in a tree,

most likely that Armenian up on that tree is the branch manager. And cut. Branch manager. You're a branch manager. And cut. Branch manager. You're a branch manager. That was brilliant. Brilliant. GT, congratulations.

You're done being a stand-up comedian. The future is bright. You have a whole future in Vine. You know what? There's a spoken word slam in Montana looking for you, GT. Seriously, brother. Go for it.

Hang out with the leather poets. Thank you. Amazing. All right, everybody. This is the part of the show where we have our two regulars come on seriously brother go for it hang out with the leather poets thank you amazing alright everybody this is the part of the show where we have our two regulars come on that work out a new

minute each week and how exciting so let's do it again everybody you know her from dropping out of college at the University of Florida and she started right here

on this show and she's come back every week since with a brand new minute. Put your hands together for the great Kimberly Congdon, everybody. Here she is. Just divide it and please don't knock it until you've tried it. So to all

of you bitches. Was I supposed to keep dancing? Yeah. Oh. I was giving you an Ellen moment. Late. Alright. Okay. Well, giving you an Ellen moment. Late. All right. Okay, well, this has been weird already. Guys, no,

women are confusing. We're weird characters. I feel like there's different excuses for us to be confusing, though. Like, okay, we're the only people

in the entire world that want these two things at the same time, food and weight loss, which doesn't make sense. But I feel like there's some things that are excusable, like being in love, because there's a thing called pheromones.

Have you guys heard of that? It's basically your body telling you it wants to be with somebody. Mine are really in tune. I matched with my pheromone partner July of 2012, and man, did those pits smell good. It was weird. Guys think I'm inviting

them over to watch movies and hang out. But I'm just trying to sniff their armpits. Which is fine. What about armpits, guys? Those are weird and smelly. Sometimes I want to braid armpits on guys and do weird things to boys and their butts and things.

Wow. All right. That really worked out, this plan. I feel like that. You like that bombing, right? Very much so. Thank you. I think you have a great idea.

I mean, I don't think you have the right approach yet. I totally think that there's something with pheromones and smelling and something there. I don't think you need to ask people whether they know about it and those things. You guys know about that? There's no point to ask questions. You just

want to tell people things. You want to give them information. So, yes, pheromones is a thing and yes here's what you do and and it's you're asking uh there's just questions there so it's just the front end is so filled up and there's ums there that just stand out they pop hard because the way that you talk um has these has these like chords you know like i don't you guys know what i'm talking about so so when you hit that and you end up at an um it's like a very it really stands out more than even if i say um like the way that i'm talking right now it's like a bop it a bop it a bop it a bop it a bop you know what but if but if but if i was going, guys, you know, I can't even

do an impression. My mind's like blank. I noticed it also because it was really like, um, you were almost making it a part of it. You go up and down notes. I feel like that's also sometimes just not knowing what I want to say in my jokes. I'm trying to

just fill things in as I go and sometimes I just don't have anything. And when you have a minute, you're like, I need something now. So I'm like, uh. But I think that's part of it is that you don't need something now and that you can riff whatever just comes out and you can fail, but it's better to take the chance

and let it rip and fail than it is to try to figure it out really quick right in the last second and figure it out and do it rip and fail than it is to try to figure it out really quick right in the last second and figure it out and do it and then fail. You know what I mean? So it's better to at least sound calm and sound like yourself.

And doing a new minute each week is like the hardest thing in the world. We talk about this all the time. I feel like it's getting harder too. Of course. But I don't think it really should. Start having more one night stands and stuff.

The comedy will find you. Yeah, definitely that. I feel like I don't know. And also I try to talk about my opinions and stuff and at 23 my opinions change all the time. So I'll think one thing one day and the next week I'll be like

I was a fucking idiot last week and I don't think that at all anymore. So it's always... Yeah, but remember if you think you're a fucking idiot one day it'll change again and you'll think you're smart again. That's part of it

because your opinions change so much. So play into that. All I know is I have no idea what your bit was about to be honest. Me neither. If you into that. All I know is I have no idea what your bit was about to be honest. Me neither. But if you do figure it out, I don't,

I mean, it's hard to write on a new topic. You have to ask yourself questions about pheromones. Like, you have to ask yourself what is it that you like about it?

How do you try to get a whiff? How do you try to sneak that if you're really into it? How, you know, why do you, what do you notice Do you really try to get a whiff of guys' armpits?

By the way, I totally agree with her on this. I think that there's a... You ever smell a woman? You know what I mean? Like the actual... There's a reason why the bodies do that, and it is for that reason. It's because they make healthy babies.

It's true. Why do you think Axe body spray is a thing? Yeah. do that, and it is for that reason. It's true. Why do you think Axe body spray is a thing? Yeah. That's exactly what it is. No, it's different. They figured out a certain smell. We got to rock. I got to move on.

Thank you so much, Kim Congdon. Okay, bye. She's on Twitter, add Kimberly Congdon. I'm sorry, I got to fly. Great job. I lost track of time again. Your final comedian of the night, the always goofy and lovely Sarah Weinshank, everybody.

That ass and flip that click. You know I like that freaky shit. Girl, you know you look so cute. Throwing that pussy the way you do. What's up? Guys, you think married couples stay together because they both love the bed so much

like they don't know who's gonna get that bed if they separate you think they stay together because they don't want to put the sheets on their beds alone because that is the hardest shit in the fucking world that's it's own job

it's like having a child like changing a diaper you gotta strip the bed you gotta take everything off the bed worlds. That's its own job. It's like having a child, like changing a diaper. You got to strip the bed. You got to take everything off the bed. And some of those things are still clean, like the pillowcases, they might be clean, but the sheets aren't, but you want to do them all together. It's a pain in the ass. And you put it in the washer, you put it in the dryer, guess what happens? Still not dry. Because that duvet cover, guys, takes a long-ass time to dry. And then when it's time to put that duvet cover back onto the comforter, you've got to line the corners together.

And that's when... Yeah, you can't keep going. Sarah Weinshank, everybody. Unfortunately, we've run out of time. So this is going to be a special thing that we do where we'll update you on the something or other next week. I'll save a few extra minutes at the end. We need to say something real quick.

We have a hard out. I have no idea what... She's like a broke-ass Natasha Leggero, and I like it. It's very funny. It was very instructional. It was very instructional. It was very instructional. Yeah. How about we talk to her

after the show and then next week we'll talk about this again. We'll bring it back up again. I just learned what a duvet cover was recently

so you can't just be throwing out duvet covers. I was like there's going to be the guy that doesn't know what a duvet cover is. I'm so sorry we ran out of time. Bye.

We're out of time. Follow Bob Oshak on Twitter at Shackknife. I'm so sorry guys Glickman at Stephen Glickman on Twitter

and funny guy from TV on YouTube how about that for an ego maniac watch Big Time Rush what are you season 6 Workaholics

season finale Workaholics Hormoz Rashidi oh that's awesome Hormoz Rashidi is on Twitter at Hormoz Rashidi thank you guys

so much for listening thank you so much live audience for coming out to episode 50 of Kill Tony. Thank you so much, everyone. Stick around for the Ding Dong Show. I do when I'm fucking.

And when I'm tired, the riches are sucking. I double team with a friend of mine. Luke's in front and I'm behind. Just riding you like a pony. While you suck my dick, making me horny.