KILL TONY - KILL TONY #52

Episode Date: June 17, 2014

Jimmy Shubert, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Autistic Patriot/Joshua Meyrowitz, Brian Redban – Date: 05/26/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV. We are coming to Comic-Con 2014. Yay! It's going to be July 23rd. Kill Tony is going to be there. So get your ass out of the seats and try to do a one-minute set, because we need you, open micers. Make sure you come there. But we also want you, audience members, who want to watch the open micers. So go to DeathSquad.TV. You'll see the ticket links.

It's July 23rd, Kill Tony, live in San Diego at the American Comedy Co. for Comic-Con 2014. And right after Kill Tony, we're doing a Thunder Pussy show. So if you've always wanted to see one of those, this is it. Right after Kill Tony, July 23rd. And then the following day, July 24th, we are doing a huge comedy show of nonstop comics. In the past, Jim Norton, Joe Rogan, Doug Benson's been there. We've always had whoever's in town for the Comic Con usually wants to try to do some comedy.

So they do guest sets. So it's going to be a huge, awesome show. So check it out. July 23rd and 24th, three shows, two nights at the American Comedy Co. Go to DeathSquad.tv for your tickets or AmericanComedyCo.com. Also, me and Sam Tripoli are coming to Florida. Tickets are going to go on sale soon. August 8th, 9th, and 10th, Tampa, Jacksonville, and Orlando, Florida. Tickets are going to go on sale soon. August 8th, 9th, and 10th. Tampa, Jacksonville,

and Orlando, Florida. So go to DeathSquad.tv for the links. And last but not least, the Death Squad kitty cat t-shirts almost sold out. Go to ShopSquad.tv to see if your size is available. They run a little big, so if you're usually a large, you might be a good medium, etc., etc. But also check out DeathSquad.tv's studio auction. These are a bunch of limited edition rare items, like very small limited edition, like posters and T-shirts and iPhone cases. We only made 10 iPhone cases, so the last one's up there right now. Anyways, check it out. Everything can be found at DeathSquad.tv.

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Van coming to you live from the road-famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for Tony H. Klaas! Oh, snap. We did it again, everybody. Happy Monday to you, everyone. Okie dokie. Fuck yeah.

Hell yes, everybody. So good to be here. Believe it or not, guys, this is episode 52, our one-year anniversary of Kill Tony. A very special... I mean, it's just 52, but... Has it really been a year? That's ridiculous. Crazy.

Crazy. Crazy podcasting. When you're persistent, you can do anything, guys. And you could tell by the energy in this room that this whole thing is fueled with pure hope it's actually a pretty good turnout for Memorial Day oh yeah, no, I love it, I'm so happy you guys are here, this is very exciting

it's always my favorite day of the week is Mondays now who's with me on that, Mondays are the best, right? okay but fuck yeah, so I'm happy to be here we have two amazing guests tonight Who's with me on that? Mondays are the best, right? Okay. But fuck yeah. So I'm happy to be here.

We have two amazing guests tonight. The energy in the room is great. Did you say butt fuck yeah? I think I did. But fuck yeah. But fuck yeah. That's interesting. Never thought about that. Butt fuck yeah. Subliminal butt fucking's going on

every day we don't even notice true whoa maybe this is uh maybe this is a part of being gay that i didn't know about is that i unconsciously deep inside there's just this homosexual dying to get out through linguistics don't take any approach you're the new tony hinchcliffe you don't you're not that's. You're not gay anymore. But fuck yeah, everybody. But fuck yeah. That's what the subtitle of this episode will be. But fuck yeah.

It was another fun weekend. Things keep moving along. Yeah, I went to actually San Diego, hung out. Loved San Diego. Went to American Comedy Company where we're going to be there for Comic-Con July 23rdrd and 24th we're gonna have kill tony there oh shit comic-con we're coming by the way that reminds me to uh give a shout out to the lovely people over at mcdonald's oh yeah uh always kicking out great products we're very happy to have them as part of the team here on Kill Tony. So thank you, McDonald's.

I'm loving it. I have to say that part or else they don't count it as a... Yeah, we loved it so much I don't even have any left to show you. Right. Oh, I don't eat McDonald's, by the way. I haven't had McDonald's in years. Right. But I think it's the best, and McDonald's. I'm loving it. It's cheaper than buying cat litter.

I wouldn't know about either of those things. Cat litter is like $10. I bought cat litter today. It was $14 for what is like one and a half boxes of litter. Wow. It's a scam. It is. And I pour most of it in there because I just don't want to change it for a couple months.

I bet you have a sandbox of kitty litter. Yeah, it's pretty big. They have their own beach. It's for six cats but I just leave it in there until it gets so hard and furry it looks like a cat. You have the kitty litter holder of a cat lady. Right. A six cat kitty litter box. Right.

Holy shit. But it's more... Put your hands together for Brian, everybody. Obviously, having a litter box is one thing. Having a six... Prepared for cats. Prepared for cats. Just out of pure laziness

of not wanting to change cats. And it's cheap. It's more expensive than a whole meal for your family at McDonald's is what I was trying to get at. Oh, yeah. Totally. And McDonald's, thank you so much. You guys are the best. Anyway, what else? Oh, yeah, you went to San Diego.

I started Instagram this week. Yeah, it's about time, man. You should get on that Facebook now. What do you think is going to take off next? Because I just got on Instagram, guys, and I think that company has some potential. Yeah, you need to do more of those. You need to do more of Vine. You have one of the greatest dogs ever. got on Instagram, guys, and I think that company has some potential. Yeah. You need to do more of those. You need to do more of Vines. You have one of the greatest dogs ever.

I just can't get into the Vines. Yeah, but you could fuck with your dog all day and make Vines on Instagram. You have the cutest dog in the room. Put your hands together for Josh Martin, everybody. Be very careful around him. He's very accident-prone. Extremely. His entire life he's just apologizing to people for things.

So it's rough for Josh but we love him here. Keeps everything on its hinges. So yeah. What else? I went to the zoo and I found out some cool shit about it. It sucks when you go to the zoo because I loved

going to SeaWorld before Blackfish. It was so fun. You got to see sharks and swim with dolphins and do all this cool shit. But then after you learn about all of it, you can't go there. I wanted to go there, but I couldn't. I was almost thinking wearing disguises and going to SeaWorld. You should have gone disguised as a killer whale to SeaWorld. No.

But then I went to the zoo, and I almost felt bad about the zoo. But what's funny is that everybody at the zoo kind of hinted at, like they were trying to just lay down some groundwork just in case if they become the next blackfish. Like we went on the zoo tour, and during the tour they were like, you know, here at the zoo, we're nonprofit. That means all the animals that we see here, we hate seeing animals in cages. But, you know, these are endangered species.

If you went to SeaWorld dressed like a killer whale, they'd probably think you were a huge fan and be like, hey, look at this guy. He dressed up like a killer whale. And then you can go inside SeaWorld and just walk up to people and be like, help me. It'd be so awesome. I don't like your fat jokes that you're doing to me. Why can't it be an eel? Oh, I see what you thought.

No, I didn't think that. Alright, guys. Let's get this thing. Where were we talking about zoos? Who loves zoos out there? Am I right, people? Okay, let's get the show moving. Guys, if you know anything about this show, you know that we always have

somebody here to keep us safe. There's always a patriot amongst us, and this week's no different. Our head of security this week, this is his first time ever being the patriot. He's a big part of my life, a very funny rising comic known as Josh Meyerowitz.

But tonight he is autistic. Wait, the autistic patriot. The superhero of autism, the autistic patriot, everybody. That's real autism under that suit. How's it going, buddy? I am sweating more. Wow. Sweating more than usual?

Yeah. Wow. I am a sweaty human being in an Android suit. Are you stuck right now? Do you need oil or something? Your arm is still lifted. I see what's going on. Just seeing what's comfortable.

Hell yeah. I love it. So is this your first time wearing a helmet, Josh? Yes. Very good. What else is going on? What did you do today? Anything fun with your superhero powers?

I flew by other autistic people and blasted them because I don't like other autistic people. Yeah! That's right. Josh is one of the few autistic people who is against his own kind. He's anti-autistic people. Why do you hate autistic people again? Because of my own feelings of inferiority. Wow.

Man, you doing a podcast interviewing other autistic people would be hilarious. You just bashing them the whole time, make them nervous and fall on the floor and fish out or something. Yeah, a sweet combination of awkwardness, fear, and bashing. Yeah. You can call it all apologies. I don't think that's been done yet. I love how he's stuck, though. He looks like a G.I. Joe character.

It's true. Sometimes he just turns into the Tin Man over there. Look at that. All right. I love that the vest couldn't close on you. That's awesome. Most people wear shoulder pads while wearing that outfit, and the outfit goes over a set of shoulder pads.

Not only did he fill out the outfit, but his vest, if you look, isn't even strapped shut, people. That's true. That's when the autism can't even be shielded by armor. I actually made use of your sponsor, McDonald's. Oh, yes. He loved it a few times. You've got to say the I'm loving it thing I'm loving it

fuck yeah there you go cha-ching every time you hear I'm loving it that's another fucking big lump sum of money that we get from McDonald's guys we love you McDonald's thank you so much I'm loving it anyway

I'm so excited to have Autistic Thunder on Twitter, Autistic Patriot here. Josh Meyerowitz is one of my favorite people, and we're going to have a lot of fun tonight. Thank you so much for being part of the show. Thank you. Are you going to keep us safe? Safer than autistic people can keep people. How safe is that? It's a little curious.

Curious? I love that. Yeah, you never know what you're going to get. Heck yeah, buddy. How are you feeling? Comfortable? I love how excited you are. You're probably the person that's been the happiest to put on a superhero suit. Sure. It's not something I do every day, but I love it.

I love it. I'm loving it. Cha-ching! Guys, let's get this thing rolling. My two guests tonight, two of the funniest people I know, the wacky and awesome Jeremiah Watkins and the

super talent himself, Jimmy Schubert. So let's get him up here. Jimmy Schubert and Jeremiah Watkins. Jimmy's on Last Comic Standing. He was just on Intel Underground. Jeremiah can be seen on many hilarious YouTube clips. All my favorite YouTube clips are Jeremiah. But it's funny because it's true.

You guys are great. You've both been on the show before. Welcome back. Yes, we're alumni. Thank you. Good to be here. We're Kill Tony alumni. Hell yeah.

And I love it. What have you guys been up to? How's everything going? You know, doing a lot of this. I saw you blowing up on YouTube. Man, I saw your clip on the recent Last Comic Standing, man. You fucking killed on there. Yes, man. You fucking killed them. Have you already felt the wave

of new fans? No. A couple people follow me on Twitter and whatnot. Other than that, no, not really. That's great. But it's good to be a part of it. It's really cool that I think Last Comic Standing has been on the air for three years

so for them to bring it back and the executive producer is Wanda Sykes, who is actually a real comedian, kind of helming the project. I think it's better that a professional comedian runs that portion of it because they wanted to, this year, they wanted to kind of put everybody's process, what a stand-up comedian's process is, and kind of like put that on display. what a stand-up comedian's process is and put that on display. It would take a comedian that's done it before, somebody who's made their living as a professional comedian to understand that and put it out on national television. I didn't think I'd get it.

I had to audition for it, and I got invited. Then we got to the invitationals and made the semifinals. I don't do a lot of television because I don't have the act for it. I'm a little filthy, but certainly it's a challenge to come up with TV spots every week that you can get past the standards and practices people. So for me, that's what it's about. And I'm just kind of like getting outside my comfort zone because I'm not really a reality show guy. You know, I've done some acting on sitcoms and stuff, but not so much reality shows. So we'll see what happens.

Congratulations, man. I was so happy to see you on that. Thanks, man. It is awesome. It's good to be a part of it. I think they've got power in the judges. I mean, you look at Roseanne Barr. I mean, some people don't like her, but you can't argue with the success she's had.

I mean, some people don't like her, but you can't argue with the success she's had. I mean, I watched her. When I was a doorman here, shit, almost 31 years ago, I was a kid. I watched Roseanne come out here from Denver and I watched her in the original room and she did an amazing fucking showcase set for Mitzi there. Then Mitzi took her to the main room and she blew it up after that. And then, you know, I saw her

on the Tonight Show like two weeks later and then she had her own sitcom and she was off to the races. Yeah, I heard she got that Carson in the main room. Yeah, basically. I mean, if you saw the set, you would just go, wow. I mean, it blew everybody away. And then Keaton Ivory Wayans, who's the producer of In Living Color, which is a groundbreaking sketch show, was on Fox at the time,

but he's also directed movies. He's head of the Wayne's family comedy dynasty. I mean, for one family to have that much talent, I don't know if it's actually legal. And Russell Peters, I mean, the dude's the nicest guy in the world and a real true international comedy superstar. I don't think that you can find anybody that's done what he's done in comedy that's done it internationally.

I mean, Carlin and Pryor at their peak were not playing. I was in Hong Kong not too long ago doing some shows, and this guy was selling out 6,000-seat theaters two nights in a row. I mean, so there's a lot of star power with the judges. Wanda Sykes is helming it. They've got a lot of great talent. I love that they, I love, what I love what they did this year with the show is they didn't open it up to, you know, the fucking douchebags. I mean, I'm a talented guy, but I want to sleep on a sidewalk for 12 hours between a guy in a clown outfit and a guy in a fucking chicken suit to get my fucking break in show business.

You know what I mean? suit to get my fucking break in show business. You know what I mean? So I love because you can't fucking pretend that any Tom, Dick, and Harry's gonna walk off the fucking street and compete with professional comedians who've been doing it 15 fucking years.

You know, it's a fucking, don't fucking insult me. It's insulting, you know. You go down to the improv and fucking Meta World piece is fucking look, the Lakers ain't calling me in off the bench and throwing free throws. Stay in your fucking chosen profession, douchebag. I mean, it's insulting. It's insulting when you do this for a fucking living.

Oh, yeah, like I'm fucking soggy to dunk tank clown like any fucking jerk off that thinks he's funny can step up on stage and fucking do it. It takes fucking years, man. It takes fucking years to get good enough to do it, and writing and performing it. So I love that they cut that portion of it out of the show. I'm super excited to be part of this season, because it hasn't been on for three years. They brought it back. I think, you know,

comedians can talk all the shit they want about the show, but I will tell you this. What's good for comedy is good for comedians. And I think this show is great for fucking comedy. And you can argue with the judges' picks. That's another thing. But I think this show is great for fucking stand-up comedy. I'm glad they brought it back, especially this year,

because it's going to premiere the comedian's process. And people from all over the country have been called in to do it. And a lot of people have years underneath their belt, 15, 20 years. I mean, they went with some experienced pros because the problem with the show has always been in the past. As the show goes, it gets less funnier and less funnier because the comedians don't have a deep bench of material. So this year is going to be different that way. It's going to be, you know, just funny after, you know. I mean, a lot of the guys that I've seen are really super talented.

I've been doing it for a long time. So that's good. It's almost like they're kind of going back to like almost season one or when they had, you know, like those guys on that, like the, I mean, that's the pilot. They had Doug Stanhope on, you know, they had, they had all these crazy, like old school comics. Who won that though? Dad Fan, right? Dad Fan, yeah.

Isn't that insane? Yeah, Doug Stanhope. Did you say Doug Stanhope? He was on the pilot of the last comic. Yeah, but I mean, you know, Dat Fan won it. So what does that tell you? Yeah, right. Last comic standing, you know, I could go up against somebody that has six years in and probably lose going with the, you know.

You don't really have a lot of time. You've got four minutes and 30 seconds. And the problem is, you know, I'm used to doing 45 minutes to an hour. Right. So you've then got to take a little chunk of your act and make it not seem like you're starting in the middle of your act and kind of frame it the right way. And I think those shorter sets are tougher to do because you have to come out and actually put a full performance on a four-minute and 30-second set where, you know, I mean it's fucking national television. set where you know i mean it's fucking national television super awesome is that it's you telling us about it because if you know anything about stand-up comedy in you know anywhere west coast and east coast jimmy is the fucking man so like when the fact that they have him on that show and

that he's getting to show up because you've been going before and after and destroying and burying. It just turned into a fucking ego massage parlor in here. You've been burying. But you have actually, what I'm getting at here is that you actually have an interesting spot in my comedy life because comedians talk with each other nonstop and you have the spot of my favorite joke. What's that? The one about the... Conjoined twins?

The mafia. The egg. Oh, the egg thing. Yeah, that was the set that I did on the first show. But, you know, that's the other thing you've got to do. You've got to think about strategically. You've got to think about what fucking pieces of your act you're going to do throughout the competition

so that you can maintain... I mean, there's some real strategy involved in it. Oh, I can't even imagine. You don't want to come out and fuck with your strongest shit. You want to do stuff that's strong enough to keep you in it and then hold back some of your strength. You already got the two generations of chicken that's already out there. Yeah, it's already out there. I didn't get to see it.

You didn't get to see it? No. It's like fucking dipping your hamburger in the milk. It's not kosher. No, legitimately, it's not kosher. I was just doing a gig at a kibbutz and it turns out it's fucking not kosher no legitimately it's not kosher i was just doing a gig at a kibbutz and it turns out it's fucking not kosher jeremiah what's been happening in your world what have you been working on oh you were just on a tell underground oh wait a second no that was jimmy too uh those jimmy's

well i had a i had a coffee bean audition that uh you know fingers crossed for and uh and i've been in la so long that i call job interviews auditions now. Nice. I love it. He went through the X-ray machine at the L.A. airport and put that on his resume. I was on the security footage at the 7-Eleven

underneath my co-star on fucking Murphy Brown. That sounds like a real credit, like you know somebody. Was that you, or did you say you were a co-star on Murphy Brown? No, no, I never did Murphy Brown. I'm fucking sure I was on it 15 years. Reference is a little data.

It's the best I can come up with. I'm in the fucking moment. I want to come up with something that was offbeat, but, you know, it's fucking, you know. It sounded so real that I had to check it. Sure you did. No, I've got a, I'm excited. Next month

my improvised stand-up show which is Thunder Pussy on Death Squad. We're debuting it at The Stand in New York next month on June 18th. So I'm pretty excited to do that. Nice! I hear that's a great venue.

I hear The Strand is a great venue in New York. The what? I heard that Strand is a great venue in New York. The Strand? What is it, The Stand? The Stand, yeah. Whatever. All right.

They know what the fuck I meant. I am sorry. Say it in my good ear. The Stand. The Stand. All right, cool. I hear it's a good venue. The Patriot always has a question for each of our guests.

Let's get to that. Patriot? Yes, Mr. Schubert. I'd like to know if you've ever had a dirty bit that didn't make to show. I mean, what's the dirtiest one that didn't make to a show? They all make it to the show. It's whether people walk out or not is what I worry about. That's the one that made people walk out or not is what I worry about. They all, you know.

What's the one that made people walk out? No, I do this bit about, it's the Venus Butterfly. It's about, you know, how you properly, how you, it's called a proper technique for orally satisfying a female companion. And it's basically the pinkies go in the leather cheerio. The middle fingers go into the sausage wallet. With the index fingers, you're moving out the roast beef curtains. And with your thumbs, that's where you're going to rest your chin. You're going to rest your chin on your thumbs. And then you throw a couple tongue darts in that sausage wallet,

and you don't quit till you, you know. Yeah, that would be a bit. Although the finger banging the midget bit is a good one too. But, you know, that's... But I don't just do dirty shit, all right? I could fucking just... I got a lot of fucking clean shit too. Much love.

You're fucking asking a lot of questions. How about for Jeremiah? You got one for him? Jeremiah, I noticed your sets are always very improvisized. Improvisated. He just improvisied that word. Improvised, yeah.

It's pure tech, buddy. I'm not a smart man. Jeremiah, Jeremiah, how long have you been doing improvisation? computer tech buddy. I'm not a smart man. Jeremiah. How long have you been doing improv... Improvisation. How long have I been doing... Josh, you got it. Come on, Josh.

You need to say improv. Improvisation. Thank you. From the beginning. It's been about seven, eight years since I've been doing improv. And you've been doing stand standup how many years total? Uh, coming up on five. Sweet.

Yeah. Good question, Patriot. Now, can I do the bit that I retired in my act that's too dirty to do? Okay, I'm gonna have to... Oh, great. Get up to do this real quick. You know, Jeremiah, he's very physical. Uh, he's on, uh, First Comic Falling.

And you'll see, I mean, you'll see why I retired this bit, but you ever see those girls that just look like dick mongrels? They're just like, they just want it. You're just looking at them. They're just like,

give me that dick. Give me that dick. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Give me that dick right here, right now. Give me that dick. Give me that dick. Yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Give me that dick right here, right now. Give me that dick.

Give me, give me that dick. You guys see that? You guys ever see those girls? It's retired. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's retired. I did it for you.

I did it for you guys. Thank you so much. It's going to translate great for the podcast listeners. Pretty much, he pulled down Jimmy's pants and just started going to town. Yeah. Well, let's get this thing started, guys. It's Kill Tony 52, the one-year anniversary of Kill Tony, everybody.

Yes. A lot of comedians signed up tonight, so it's super exciting. They signed up for the chance to do 60 seconds. Bro, is anybody going to bring up the fact that you have a fucking spare fucking Iron Man in the fucking balcony, bro? It's not just...

I mean, there's like an Iron Man standing by, and there's like an Iron Man standing by, and there's a fucking Iron Man in the green room. Is everybody fucking... We have a lot of spare parts here. Nice. If something happens to Josh... C-3PO's back in there fucking taking a silver pickle. He'll be right out.

Silver pickle. He's back in the green room bed from launching a silver pickle. I love that you even have parts, you have names in your head for genitalia of robots and stuff. That's so great. Sausage wallet, the leather donut, and the

silver pickle. Sewer pickle. He's in the bathroom launching a sewer pickle. Oh, that's some shit. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for explaining that to the remedial fucking autistic fucking patriot.

Comedians, you get 60 seconds. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitty. How adorable. Don't run your timer or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I love that. Is that a goat in there? You got me with that one,

because I love that it started different. Normally it ends different. It started off with a little parakeet. I love that. It's like the parakeet totally got eaten By that bear I don't know if you guys picture wild animations When you hear sound effects too

But if you didn't take acid that time Then I'm sorry I didn't really take acid ever I've never done acid You don't strike me as a guy with drop acid Yeah, I like doing mushrooms I've eaten acid I fucking love mushrooms If they came in a box like Wheaties My picture would be on the cover Yeah, you don't strike me as a guy with drop acid. Yeah, you like doing mushrooms. I've eaten acid.

I fucking love mushrooms. If they came in a box like Wheaties, my picture would be on the cover. They're fucking delicious. What's your favorite thing about acid? I'm not really an acid guy. I'm more of a mushroom guy. Yeah. I love mushrooms.

I fucking like mushrooms. I like edible marijuana and fucking a glass of wine. That's as fucking nutty as I get these days. I like edible marijuana. And fucking a glass of wine. That's as fucking nutty as I get these days. I love it. Let's get it going, everybody. Your first comedian tonight. Are you guys ready? It's Marcus Evans. What's up, people? Game call. Meaner than a junkyard dog. Now leave, Ron.

Leave your gambler. What's up, people? I had this mean teacher growing up. She caught me and my boys talking during the test. She was like, you boys write minus 50 on the top of your papers. I'm like, minus 50? How the hell are you going to start off with minus 50 for talking during the test? I didn't even get all the answers.

You take it off minus 50. You get the answers first. You want something to grade. What the hell are you going to grade if I don't get get all the answers. You take it off minus 50. You get the answers first, you want something to grade. What the hell are you going to grade if I don't get the answers first? The most I was aiming for was a 65 to 70 anyway. Now it leaves me about 15 to 20%. I shouldn't have put anything down. I just got a minus 50 grade that day.

Is that my timer? I was speeding because I knew it was just a minute. That's why I was just... You got 30 seconds left. I dropped my iPhone the other day, and I didn't do that much damage to it. So I went to the AT&T store to see if they could fix it. They said they couldn't fix it, and they gave me a number to a place where I could get it fixed. I didn't want to hear about going to another place to get it fixed.

Then the clerk got an attitude with me. He was like, well, this is an iPhone. You just can't put crazy glue on it and fix it. Now, why would you say that to an angry customer? It's like somebody telling you to relax if you feel like putting a stranglehold on somebody. You better be glad I didn't have any crazy glue on me. I would have glued the phone to his face. I was so angry. So mad I got

thrown out of the store. Thank you. Whoa. I heard the beginning of the parakeet on that. You were so close. No, wait. Marcus, Marcus, come back. Where are you going? How's it going? Do you normally talk that fast?

No, because I only had a minute. That's why I was going like a thousand miles per hour. I'm sorry. I only had a minute, so I just wanted to go as fast as possible. Wow, that's one approach that I've never seen before. Especially when you're doing a math joke with so many numbers. I was doing like division in my head trying to figure out what the hell you were talking about. It's the new math.

What kind of test was it? Was it a math test or was it a history test? What kind of test was it? I don't even know. Those details are important. Okay. And if it was a math test and she took off 50, there's no way you could fucking pass a test like that. Right.

I mean, what the fuck? I'm not even going to take the rest of the test. If you take it off 50, what the fuck? I'm not even going to take the rest of the test. If you take it on 50, what the fuck? The best I could do is get a 50. I mean, how else I could do it? Even if I get every fucking answer right, I'm going to get a fucking 50. Exactly. So why even fucking take the test now?

Yeah, I think it's... I like it when you say it. Yeah, exactly. That's a number. That's what I should have said to her. I should have said that to her. Well, you know, fucking take it and you say it. Yeah, exactly. Let's number it. That's what I should have said to her. I should have said that to her. Well, you know, fucking take it and work on it. But I think that, you know, I realize you only got a minute, but you really got to fucking connect with an audience.

You got to take that minute and fucking connect with an audience. Every fucking shitty shit I've ever had in my life is because I didn't take a minute and say hello and fucking connect with the audience. Because then you're talking at them or you're talking over them and no one's ever going to that you just never have that connection but uh i liked it yeah i liked i liked the stage presence and i liked your uh delivery thank you sir and uh you know when you do short sets i mean granted this is a minute but it goes for all sizes of sets that are shorter take your time and let the people find out what you actually sound like. Like, for example, I mean, it never ends.

I mean, you had to throw together short sets for both your weeks on Last Comic Standing and the Attell thing. I mean, it's just, what, six, seven, eight minutes or whatever. Yeah, they're short sets, but you don't want to rush. You just want to make the quality of the set.

The quality of the set is more important than the quantity of fucking jokes you're jam want to rush. You just want to make the quality of the set. The quality of the set is more important than the quantity of fucking jokes you're jamming in it. I'd rather listen to a guy do a fucking minute and set up a great fucking premise and then get fucking belly laughs. If you start... You're talking too fast. You've got to let people get on the train

before you pull out of the station. Right. There you go. You know, what I was thinking, if before you pull out of the station. Right. There you go. And, you know, what I was thinking, if you did want to stick with that joke, is that you can say something like maybe you started writing your own questions to the test or, you know what I mean, to get extra points. I don't know. That's good.

And if the best you're working for is an F, then. Jeremiah? Just piggybacking on what Jimmy said, said really on this on this one there you go autistic uh patriot anything just a reiteration if anything slow down don't rush do it how you want yeah thank you marcus evans he's on twitter k mark 18 he's k mark 18 on twitter nice to meet you marcus let's keep this fun train moving Twitter. Nice to meet you, Marcus. Let's keep this fun train moving along. I want to wear one of them fucking Patriot suits.

I want to wear that shit in the bedroom. With a fucking crotch release. A crotch release. Just a fucking plate pops down. No, what I'm doing, I can't hold it. Wait, has it? Masturbating while wearing that suit? No, crotch release.

Oh. Redman, has that suit been washed yet? After, I think it was somebody... Who was it? Josh would know. I think it was after Earl or... That's a new suit. Oh, it's a brand new suit. Yeah, I think we got too much queef in it or something.

We just started getting this. Is that a rental or is that an actual Iron Man suit? That's an Iron Man suit. You own it? Yeah, I bought it off him. You don't want to rent an Iron Man suit. Your next comedian is Jason Van Glass, everybody. I'm huge on Vine.

Huge on it. And I've been waiting over a year for somebody to bring Vine up in conversation so that I can mention how popular I am on the unpopular social network Vine. But it wasn't until tonight at the start of this podcast when you guys brought it up that anyone ever brought Vine up in conversation. So I'm just going to use this opportunity to get the

word out there about my 9,000 Vine followers. Sounds pretty good. It's actually a useless social network to be popular on. 9,000 followers just means 9,000 people downloaded Vine, followed me, and then never used

Vine again. It's worthless. Meanwhile, Twitter, I'm not popular at all on Twitter. Last week when I tweeted all caps, retweet this or I will kill myself, it got zero retweets and one fave. Yeah, that's 55 seconds of Jason Van Glass. I like that. Yeah.

Yeah, it's an interesting thing. How'd you get so popular on Vine? You can name yourself anything on Vine, even if it already exists. So as a joke, I named myself Cute Cat Videos. Wow. Have you posted any cute cat videos? It's almost all cute cat videos. Oh, really?

Sometimes I post other animals and the children that follow me hate that. That's something you totally have to talk about then. I'd like to hear about that. How come you didn't do that? I have so many, I mean, just that premise is, I have so many followers because I named myself Cute Cat Videos.

And especially if you get into it just like... Well, I had more than a minute. But just like how you set it up tonight, it almost seems like there's this inevitable, huge plethora of punches coming because you... It's the opposite of who went before you, Marcus Evans, is there was no setup with him, so we didn't know what he was really getting at, so we sort of had to write it. Your thing is completely set up for you to then tell them after you've set up that you have followers and we're wondering why and this and that, that you can have any name on Vine, cute cat videos, and then when the children that follow you,

like that's all beats of an actual joke that will progressively kill and get better as you keep staying in that pocket of just talking about cute cat videos. And you don't like Twitter, but I'm guessing you go by your normal name on Twitter. You didn't get that handle, CuteCatVideos. No, I'd be huge if I had that Twitter handle.

I wonder how many followers that person has. Yeah. I like the idea. Never mind. I was thinking of a math joke now. Do you guys find yourself going into math jokes really fast? Like, I was thinking, all right, Vine is six seconds long. He has 9,000 followers.

How much is that? Four minutes of video if everyone watched six seconds. If you had one YouTube video of that, never mind. Wow. I was trying to compare... Whatever you just said made me dizzy for a moment,

and I almost passed out. I was talking out loud. What I was getting at is Vine videos are so short, so if you have 10,000 Vine followers, that's the equivalent to 10 people watching one YouTube video. Yeah. They're so short, and I have such bad ADHD, I can't even get through the whole six seconds.

I only make about three seconds. Fuck this. Do you have a lot of cats, Jason? I have one cat and my roommate has a cat as well. So there's two cats in my apartment. Wow. Do you make them do cute things or do you capture them doing cute things? And like you'll see them doing something and you grab the phone.

Sometimes I'll get like a laser pointer or if they're doing something strange, I'll try and capture it. Yeah, the cute cat video processing machine. Hardly anyone's still on Vine, so it's not like a really active part of my day. Here's a great idea. You take Ceram Wrap and put it in like a doorway and then use a laser pointer so your cat runs into the kitchen and hits the Ceram Wrap because it doesn't see it. And it bounces back like 10 feet. It's great. Oh, that's awesome.

Here's a good thing to do with your fucking cat. You fucking put a wire on it and then you play Sopranos, and when you find the wire, you take him out back and pump two in the back of his head. Fucking rules are rules, all right? The motherfucker was going to turn state's evidence to Mr. Cat. Mr. Whiskers.

Me and Mr. Whiskers were playing the Sopranos, and the fucker was wearing a wire. What happened? My cat died. How'd he fucking die? We were playing Border Patrol and he didn't have his paper

so I fucking shot him. You were playing Border Patrol. You know, what I, I have a friend of mine spends $900 a month in medication

for his fucking diabetic cat. That's how fucked up we are. We don't know how to eat ourselves, but yet our fucking bad dietary habits spill over to our fucking animals and now a cat has fucking diabetes and you're dropping $900

a fucking month on fucking... He has no social life. He's got to shoot the fucking cat up twice a day. Hey, we got an extra ticket to the Kings game. You want a cat? I got to get home to the fucking cat. Dude a day. Hey, we got an extra ticket to the Kings game. You want a cat? I got to get home to the fucking cat. I'm like, dude, that would be one dead fucking cat. A diabetic cat.

I mean, you know what I mean? Fuck, you put another bowl of milk out. There'll be another cat come along any fucking second. One that doesn't have diabetes. We're looking at your video. I think my most recent video is especially unpopular because it's of ducks. Yeah, there's just ducks in this video. Wow.

Did you look up his vine? That must drive people crazy, a video of ducks under QCAT videos. The children don't like it. I'll tell you what, if I had to watch a fucking anymore, is that from his vine? Yeah, you know, you should do fucked up shit once in a while where there's a cat outside and it's playing. You just see a hand kind of poking out of the ground or something like that, like there's a body in the bush. But you never draw any attention to it.

Hey, you want to be popular on Vine? Why don't you try bestiality? Fuck one of them ducks. See how many tune in for that. No? Nothing? Jeremiah, any input on this pussy fest?

I know you only had a minute, but I definitely would like to hear more about you tweeting out, retweet this, or I'm going to kill myself. True story. I don't know. If you knew the people who were posting around that same time, whenever you saw them the next day or the same day or whatever, like, where were you? I don't know.

That kind of thing. Right. Or you could also tag that after you say it got one fave. And then you decided to tweet, please don't retweet this or I'll kill myself. Yeah. Or you could take a six fucking second video of you actually fucking chewing on a large caliber round and fucking retweet that

and see how many fucking people follow you then. That'd be a lot of followers. No, that'd be a lot of followers. Jason, thank you so much. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Fine times. Jason Van Glass is on Twitter at Jason Van Glass.

Two weeks in a row he kicked ass. He was on last week, remember? Jason Van Glass. Sounds Twitter at Jason Van Glass. Two weeks in a row he kicked ass. He was on last week, remember? Jason Van Glass. Sounds like an action hero. It does, doesn't it? Jason Van Glass. Jason Van Glass. This summer.

This summer. If you love... Broken Glass. Starring Jason Van Glass and his cat videos. This is very exciting. This is this guy's first time on Keltoni, and I know this because I know him, and he just started stand-up comedy tonight, everybody.

His name is Jordan Lee, everybody. Here he comes. Jordan Lee! Here we go. Thank you. So I saw a homeless couple sharing a slice of pizza this week, and I realized that I'll just never be a good husband. She got all the toppings, and then she got to lick the sauce off the crust,

and then he ate the crust. And he seemed cool with it. I couldn't get it until she smiled because she didn't have any teeth. She literally didn't have any teeth, so it's probably a tradeoff for great blowjobs, I would guess. But he seemed cool with it, even taking the carbs for it. It dawned on me, I was like, there's not many women that I would let lick my pizza.

And then I was like, where do people like this meet? Do they do this everywhere they go? How do they split a Big Mac? They're pretty much the perfect couple, and they're homeless. They figured out how to make it work. I actually have a job, and I can't make anything work. There you go. Good.

Good job, George. I'll tell you the thing that I thought of in the middle of it. I'll just jump right into it. Is this your first time doing stand-up? Yeah. Remarkably awesome. Great stage presence. Yeah, remarkably comfortable for a first presence. Yeah, remarkably comfortable for the first time.

Yeah, I love the, I love that premise and the thing that I was thinking is that you'd probably let your girlfriend eat your ass

but you won't let her lick the sauce and cheese off of the slice of pizza. I mean, just take the dough? What kind of bullshit is that?

Or I would say, if you want this fucking cheese and toppings, you're going to have to eat it out of my ass. What? No, that's not cool. There you go.

You can go. You can. Listen. Paching. You're going to have to eat it out of my hairy moss bucket. You're going to have to pry it out of my. I swear to God, I would buy your coffee table book of just. Jimmy Schubert, names I have for asshole.

I would just like... And you flip the page and each one is a different... Rubber wallet, the fucking... Each page should be a new one with a little animation. You should totally write this fucking book to me. It should be a pop-up book. Or a pop-down book. Everyone looks like an asshole. Yeah, man, I like your observational thing, so I thought it was good.

Obviously, you've got to put some punchlines in there. I mean, but I thought it was – I like the premise, too, and I thought your stage presence was great. Thank you very much. Yeah, I've known you for years, Jordan, and you're a big fan of comedy and uh you have good taste in it so it's no surprise to find out that you came out with a good premise and the trick now is just going to be wanting that wanting that feeling this summoning knowing how to summon that feeling of getting that pop those moments in between where you're going to leave for gaps for the audience to laugh and you're going to bank on those moments yeah moments is the only thing you're missing there.

And also, I think you need to grow out a Don Quixote beard so you can praise some of the alt rooms. Yeah, that'd be great. I don't know if you need glasses, but glasses turn you into a star. Exactly. Yeah. I thought, yeah, dude, it definitely didn't look like you were doing stand-up for the first time.

And I've known you offstage for quite a while. It's pretty cool to see how just confident you were with it because I've seen a lot of people on this show that when they do stand-up for the very first time, it's very clear. So, yeah, hats off to you for that. That was great. Thank you. There you go, Jordan Lee. Thank you so much. Jordan the Jordan Lee. Jordan the Lion. At Jordan the Lion on Twitter. Anything from Josh?

Anything from the Autistic Patriot? Welcome to hell! Yeah, it's a real sword. Heck yeah. I think Josh is the whitest Iron Patriot there's been because he has New Balance sneakers for his shoes. Tony helped me pick them out.

That's right. Nice. When I first met Josh, he wore autistic shoes with the kind that just have the Velcro closure. He wore autistic shoes. He's got Velcros on right now. No, he wore autistic shoes, which are regular shoes, except you wear them on the wrong feet.

Is that what that is? No, it's great. Yeah, we met at the Grove, and I told him, you're going to love these shoes. Next thing you know, what happened? Wear them every day. Boom. Saving feet one day at a time.

Fuck yeah, guys. Podiatrist Tony Hinchcliffe. Well, I mean, I just knew that there's no way that those shoes could actually be helping him. You know what I mean? Right. A girl's not like, I want to suck your dick right when she sees your Velcro shoes. Yeah, right. But some bitches are into that, man.

Some bitches like a dude who has orthopedic walking boots. Fuck yeah. Some of that... Some of that much love. It's like a bad foot fetish. Yeah. Do you have any fetishes, Josh? Like, do you have a foot fetish or do you like nipples?

That's going to sound stupid, but huge tits. Huge tits. Do you have an areola preference? Do you like the big needy ones going to sound stupid, but huge tits. Huge tits. Do you have an areola preference? Do you like the big, meaty ones? I don't mind either way. So you like a big areola? Do you subscribe to Dark Nipple Weekly? Yeah.

I like all nipples. Huge breasts. Huge. I don't get it. Do I need to? Yeah, I mean, it's such a weird thing. Yeah, I don't know. For a dude to like, you know what I mean?

That's weird, man. It's like fucking weird. I don't. Like, I mean, like a big fucking tit with a giant nipple on it. That's some people are weird, man. Yeah. Do you ever do any dirty shit? You know, like smell the toilet seat after or like a.

Oh, pretty simple if you can't tell by the fetish after, or like... Pretty simple, if you can tell by the fetish. What kind of masturbation material do you have? Usually chicks with huge tits, preferably in terms of money shot, blowing a load on said tits. Wow. That's pretty descriptive. That's pretty...

Alright. He did it. I think we got the answer we were looking for. Get that girl in the back of the room with the D-cups up here. No, for real. Fuck yeah. Josh loves watching a guy blow a load on another girl's tits. Yeah, 50% cum.

It's a fantasy. So if he saw cum, you'd still get hard. Without the tits. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That conversation just took a fucking weird turn, man. He only watches the first half of the videos. So you actually like the excrement

coming out of the man's penis? Do you like a big bulb with a tent on the penis that reminds you of a tent? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck is going on here? Do you like little loads or big loads? It doesn't matter. What kind of tent? Do you like little loads or big loads? It doesn't matter.

What kind of tent? You like a yellow tent or a white tent? Look, you like a guy who's trying to blow a nut but can't and all that's coming out is fucking air? You ever see that? Or do you more like more liquid, more juice, less solid? What is it about the load being shot all over tents exactly? Hey, listen, Josh, you're not a copper

lagniaque, are you? What's that? You know, you lay underneath a fucking table and have a chick fucking defecate over top of you. As long as she has big tits, I guess she can do whatever she wants. Carte blanche. Do you trim your bush? No, it doesn't grow that big.

You said that so sad. I know. He's a very... Not only is he autistic, but he has a fucking disease that makes his genitalia look like he's 13. That's true. Damn, so you don't do any manscaping on your bush. It's just a fucking jungle. Yeah, there is. That's originally what you said about the shoes with the Velcro straps.

You rip out that fucking crotch plate. It's going to look like a button in a fur coat. Yeah, you don't want to have the autistic bush, man. Does it look like you're choking Josh Martin in between your legs? Yeah, you don't want to drop trowel and have your fucking balls look like... Who's the third stooge? Moe. Larry. Larry, yeah.

Larry Howard, right? Larry Fine, whatever the fuck his name was. I'm not against getting a full bikini wax, if anything. That's all there, too. When you piss, you have so much hair it comes out as a mist. He's got a little hypertrichosis Which is a South American werewolf disease

He pulls down his fucking trousers Have you seen it? Have you seen it in person? No, have you? No, I dated a girl who had it On her twat Heyo Heyo Is Josh Martin here? on her twat. Hey-o. Hey-o.

Hey-o. Is Josh Martin here? Josh, I need you to actually get this next person. She's the Asian girl on the front patio. She's next. So we'll skip her and then go to the next person. Yeah, get her and tell her. She's under 21, so she wanted to sign up for the show.

She could have waited in my car. Hey-oh! Hey-oh! Doesn't even make any sense. She could have waited in my trunk. That's funnier. Just working it out. Working it out.

You can't even be in the club, this club, if you're under 21. What is it with fucking Japanese porn now, bro? Why do they got to fucking always use the anonymizer over the vagina? Like the vagina fucking turns state's evidence of the mafia down. I'm not a big fan of Japanese porn. Anyway, next guest. Who's next? You're talking about the blurry thing.

The blurry thing, yeah. What the fuck is that? Drives me insane. Yeah. Drives me crazy. Really? Really gets on my skin. When you're having sex with Japanese, it sounds like you're fucking killing them. Ah! Ah! Yeah, that's the other part. Like you stab them with a flesh musket. You know what I do

when that happens? When I see Japanese porn and I was like, ah, fuck. I just go watch Korean porn. Here you go, everybody. The thing about Japanese porn is an hour and a half after I watch it. Your next comedian, everybody. Doing her minute. Our first ever,

ever, under 21 on Kill Tony. Put your hands together for Sierra Cattow. Sierra Cattow! Yeah. Hey, guys. So, yeah, I'll get right into this. I actually, a few months ago, I saw the Lego movie

with my boyfriend. That was really fun. It was actually really great for us, though. Yeah, because it's kind of about inanimate objects coming to life, right? And sometimes he has trouble getting hard. Yeah. No, I just like telling that joke because i have a boyfriend in it it's really fun yeah let's see uh oh my god i've been up here for what like 30 seconds now i've even told you what kind of asian i am so so rude so rude um so i'm actually i'm half Chinese half Japanese and I guess part American because I was born here

so I think I earned it um but yeah and you know coming from mixed background you know I feel like there's a lot of conflict especially when it comes to dating because the Chinese side of me is like oh you know Sierra find a nice Chinese boy to date and then and then the Japanese side of me is like no no find a nice Japanese boy to date and then and then like the American part of me is like, no, no, no, find a nice Japanese boy to date. And then the American part of me is like, I don't know, they're all yellow to me. Just choose one. That's the problem. There's like a bajillion of you guys. You do the math.

You're typically better at that. Meow. All right. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. There you go. Sierra Cattell.

So, Sierra, how long have you been doing stand-up? Oh, all right. Yeah, I guess I started when I was 16, so about technically three years ago. But I'm in school, so I kind of did it on and off. And now I go to school at Harvard, so I'm in Boston. And so now I come back summers and winter break and stuff to try to pursue it as much as possible. I do some in Boston, too. Harvard, I've never heard of it.

It's small. So what are you going to Harvard for? I as much as possible. I do some in Boston, too. Harvard, I've never heard of it. Yeah. It's, uh... It's small. So what are you going to Harvard for? I'm studying computer science. It's fucking amazing. I was talking to a dude who graduated Cambridge University and was a master's in fucking math,

and now he's doing fucking stand-up. Oh, wow. Yeah. That beats me, but... Okay, so... Yeah. Funny, though. Real good stuff.

Oh, thank you. I'm half... Oh, you're really half Chinese and half Japanese? Yeah, I am So, I'm half Japanese and half Chinese I'm conflicted I want to date a Chinese guy But the Japanese side of me wants to kill him That works too

No, don't the Japanese and the Chinese don't get along Yeah, I know So it's remarkable I don't know why I like that you're telling her that. You know, the Chinese and Japanese. You know how to get. Are you kidding me?

There's no fucking group more racist than the Japanese. Oh, I was just over in fucking Nanjing. I was just over in China in Nanjing. Holy shit. I'd never fucking heard about this. The fucking rape of Nanjing. Yeah, yeah, no. I went to the fucking museum.

I don't recommend it. My mom read a book called The Rape of Nanjing. Like, that was about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I think after that, she was like, kind of looking sideways at my dad, like, what's going on? Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck is going on? Like, yeah, who'd I marry, what? Yeah, the Japanese Imperialistic Army were not fucking around. You can go home and Google it later, people, because it's not that kind of show. So you're 19 then? Yeah, yeah. How long have you been in college?

I guess I just finished up my second year, so I'm going to be a junior, so about halfway. Are you ticklish? Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. Oh Oh my god. I mean... Oh my god. Oh my god. Me and my boyfriend

went to go see the new Lego movie, because he's 12, and you know, it's about an item and objects. I mean, you had a lot of great starts to jokes, but there was a couple punchlines, and you could have fucking boom, boom, boom, you know, but yeah. I mean, but there was a couple punchlines, and you could have fucking boom, boom, boom, you know, but yeah.

I mean, but... I don't like the boyfriend part at 9 seconds, or 9.42 seconds, but then you brought it back at 21 seconds by saying you didn't have one, so that was a cool part. No, I like that joke, because in that joke I have a boyfriend.

So you really don't have a boyfriend? Okay, so I wrote that joke before I did, but now I do. But I still tell the joke. I have a boyfriend. So you really don't have a boyfriend? Okay, so I wrote that joke before I did, but now I do. But I still tell the joke. I just make sure he's not here. And it's okay, because he's in Boston right now, so what's up? Brian, relax, buddy. This is a 19-year-old

Harvard student, Brian. If you're ever going to control yourself, now's the time. Yeah, Brian. You and your GED get a real good chance with the fucking Harvard grad, Brian. If you're ever going to control yourself, now's the time. Yeah, Brian. You and your GED get a real good chance with the fucking Harvard grad over here. Hey. Do you go up in the clubs in Boston? Because they have a pretty...

I mean, their scene, I heard, is coming back. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, so, like, yeah, I do. There's a lot in, like... There's one right in Harvard Square called the Comedy Studio that I do sometimes. I'm also, like, on campus, we I do sometimes. I'm also on campus. We have a group.

I'm also in the Harvard Lampoon, which is like the humor magazine. Conan Brown? Was that Conan Brown? Yeah, it's Conan Brown. Yeah, Conan Brown. Awful good comedy predigree. What do all those guys, when they go to Harvard, what do they get their degrees in? Different stuff and it doesn't really matter?

Why computer science? Oh, for me? Yeah, I don't know. I've been doing that for a while, so I was like, that's kind of how I got in. So I was like, okay, I should probably pursue this, even though I really want to do comedy. So I will do comedy after graduate,

but if I want to eat, I might need to... That's a long way to drive to find out the diner's closed. That's all I'm saying. Fucking holy shit. I'm going to get a fucking, I'm going to get a PhD and then I'm going to go hang in smoky nightclubs

with a bunch of fucking comedy perverts and tell jokes. Hey, you know, whatever works. That's awesome, Sierra. Whatever works, yeah. As long as I can do comedy.

I'm pretty sure that in a few years we're all going to be hoping that you hire us for something. Oh, God, okay. Just keep it up and keep doing a lot of spots

because you don't want to get stuck. After having this much fun, you definitely don't want to get stuck in computer science. And what are you doing out here? Are you from out here? I'm from out here, yeah. So that's how I started out here. Back here doing comedy like every time there's a break.

Do your parents know about you sneaking out and making a comedy? Yeah, I know. No, they don't fucking know. Don't lie to us. We're paying for a good education and you're out there fucking squ comedy? Yeah, yeah, no. No, they don't fucking know. Don't lie to us. We're paying for a good education and you're out there fucking squandering at the fucking comedy.

As long as, yeah, as long as I stay in school, I think they're going to give me the car. Legally, she's allowed to stay on stage for as long as, until we're done.

Right. Yeah, she's allowed to stay on stage as long as Brian gets to rub one out underneath the table. Jesus. Right?

I feel so bad right now, Sierra. I'm sorry. There's a bunch of you. Normally, I don't give a shit about anything, but, I mean, even if you were 19, that'd be enough. She is 19. But you're 19 and going to Harvard, so I'm very, very protective right now because... Listen, dude, she's going to get in fucking comedy.

She better fucking, you know... No, I know. I know. Do you want a toy? You can have it. Aw, dude, she's going to get in fucking comedy. She better fucking, you know. No, I know. I know. Do you want a toy? You can have it. Oh, man. Bro, why don't you fucking put her if you're going to fucking

be like that, put on a priest outfit, will you? I'm just kidding. You were awesome. You had great stage presence. Like, seriously, good luck with you.

But, you know, fucking kick ass in school because that's awesome. Absolutely. Get that fucking Harvard degree. Yeah. And keep doing luck with you. But, you know, fucking kick ass in school because that's awesome. Absolutely. Get that fucking Harvard degree and keep doing jobs. Good job. Comedy second. Do what you're doing first. Yeah, sort of, but at the same time, don't stop doing spots, whatever you do.

Just keep going up as many times as you possibly can while getting a degree because in the end, the degree is just a piece of paper and a title anyway. So the growth that you have between now and then is what's most important because you're way too likable and well-spoken, and you have your own thing too, and you've started so soon. It's so important.

The game changer in people that start young and later is it's blatant. Do Vine videos in between also. Grow your audience on Vine and Instagram. Vine videos. Oh, right, right. Social media. Put your hands together for the great Sierra Katow, everybody. Good job.

She's on Twitter. It's Sierra Katow, K-A-T-O-W-S-I-E-R-R-A, Katow, K-A-T-O-W. Oh, my goodness. Hell, yeah. How exciting. She's adorable. Yeah. She's going to be huge. Yeah. Yeah. She's adorable. Yeah. She's going to be huge.

Yeah. Yeah. She's smart. She's been doing it for three years and she's 19. Yeah. She's got a little bit of a jump in it. When she's old enough to actually go in clubs, she'll be really funny. Yeah.

No, yeah, exactly. She's got another couple years. I just rushed her out. Josh, are you into Asian girls at all? Oh, yeah. Even though most Asian girls do not normally have big boobs? That's fine. Yeah, and I was just in China, and that's the other thing that blew my mind.

Everything is fake in China. They got fake booze in China. They got fake watches, fake suitcases. I mean, everything's fake. The one thing they could use a little more fake of is fake boobs, and they're not here. Actually, it's pretty prevalent in South Korea. What? Thank you.

Excuse me. Thank you, Rand McNally Jr. I think we know what recent searches are in his search bar. South Korean tit plastering. They're really just Asian fake boobs. Wow. It's amazing how much cleaner of a word boob is than tit. Like, tit has

an amazingly dark ring to it, you know? It's a hard consonant. I like teet. Teet? Yeah. Teet? She had a nice set of teets. Are you talking about moms when you're saying that? Well, fuck. Yeah, you know, I mean, all women have the ability to become moms, but I think that's the thing.

You know, women get bigger breasts. You're going to get breast jobs. I think, you know, especially with all this fertility shit, if you're going to have kids six and seven at a fucking time, maybe instead of getting a bigger set, you get another set right underneath of the other ones you have. So get one put in the middle of your back for fucking slow dancing. Come on.

That is awesome. Right? That's brilliant. I've drawn pictures of this before. I can't believe that's not done more often. I can't believe no one's, I can't believe no girl's ever done it. Oh yeah? She's got big tits? I have four.

You know, it seems just like the kind of thing a woman would do. You know what might even be better? Is if, I mean, maybe I'm wrong on this, but I'm just spitballing here, guys, is maybe if the other set of tits is on her back so that if you're doing it doggy style, there's another set of tits there to stare at. Always fucking, always thinking, Tony, always thinking. Fucking mind like a steel trap you have. he's thinking. Fucking mind like a steel trap you have.

I think, let's fucking put him down like fucking six sets of, you know, like six. Like three sets of teats right down like a fucking pig, bro. Can you imagine a hula hooping? Girl hula hooping with tits on her back? Yeah. Instead of having babies in a hospital,

you just throw a clump of hay in a corner and she can go down there with her six tits and drop one out. Like a farm animal. Sorry. I can't remember. We were doing so good. We were releasing all that inner tension we had while 19-year-old Sierra Cattell was on stage.

This is a really empowering episode for women. Yeah. It's like, guys, ching chong ching. There's the Asian girl that left. You hit the gong. I didn't mean to say ching chong ching, but that was like the... That was the name of my waiter

this afternoon at the Thai joint. Is that... I love it. Guys, put your hands together for Tyler Miznari. I love it. Hey, guys. Let me tell you, I used to like cake.

I used to like cake, but then I had ice cream cake, and I was like, fuck cake. It sucks, you know? Like, cake sucks. It's just moist bread with frosting on it. It's worthless. Like, if I go to a party And they serve me cake

I get upset Like you can't afford the extra five dollars To put ice cream in this Fuck you you know I tell you that That's what happened to me And cake and ice cream cake To set up

That's why I'm afraid to experiment in bed You know I'm afraid I'm going to do something And I'm going to like it And I just can't not do that ever again. I'm just going to be having sex just like, yeah, I'm going to need you to put on the bear mask. I'm going to need you to

do that. No, I know you don't like it. That's part of it. That's part of it. You're not supposed to like it. Oh, the guy in the corner with the banjo? Don't worry about him. He's going to get involved later, but just worry about it. And hey, you in the corner with the banjo. I didn't hire you off Craigslist

and pay you $200 to hear you fucking strum. You got to pick it. You got to pick it like you're supposed to. All right, that's it for me. Thank you. There you go, Tyler Misnarik. Okay, in the beginning, when you're talking about the ice cream and the cake, there's something magical in there.

I don't know what it is, but it's true. Ice cream cake is better than regular cake, and it's better than cake and ice cream, right? One could say. Who prefers their cake and ice cream separate by round of applause? A couple people and one autistic, so two and a half. I like cake. I like ice cream. I have a soft spot for ice cream now.

What do you like more, though, cake and ice cream or ice cream cake? I mean, who's having cake without ice cream on it? What are you, a savage? What are you, a filthy animal? It's like having a piece of pie without a scoop of vanilla on it. Who does that? Yeah. I can't even talk to somebody who doesn't like ice cream.

Well, I mean. Let me say that. Pie or cake. What's that? Pie or cake. Fucking pie. Yeah. Pie all the way, man.

Fuck cake. You know, I'm agreeing with you. I hate cake. Cake's one of those things that as I got older, I totally got out of the cake game. Yeah, everybody does after your ninth birthday. Now, what's the... Hold down the button.

I'm trying to... What is it? What I was hoping you were going to say was that when you were having sex with the woman that you were going to do a callback to ice cream, that there was no ice cream there because you have it set up at that point

where you're at ice cream and cake and cake without ice cream, but then you wanted to have sex with an ice cream cake. With ice cream cake. Well, not with an ice cream cake, but you wanted to have sex with a girl while eating an ice cream cake. That's how you got her into bed. You said, if you let me have sex with you, I'll give you a piece of ice cream cake. And then all of a sudden you're in a position where you might not even be able to finish without ice cream cake.

Okay. Or something like that. A bit of our fog machine Brian Redband, everybody. The amazing smoke effect. Yeah. Straight across this way. Did you have a bad experience with cake when you were a kid? Did you get cake at every party?

Yeah, I probably got cake at every party, yeah. Normal cake. I do remember that moment when ice cream cake came out, and I was just like, I've been doing it all wrong. That's when they put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. You ever see those? Yeah. Goober. Goober Grape. Yeah. Okay. All right. same jar you ever see this yeah goober goober great yeah okay all right tyler yeah um what were we talking about cake and ice cream and then what do you do with the sex thing uh i just thought

it was like the same thing because it was just like uh i had ice cream cake and i couldn't go back so like if I do something weird sex like I'll like it too much and I just never go back. First off what would be weird for you sexually to do? I mean like cause you skipped over that part like a bear mask I mean I would think

the craziest visual sexual thing you could do that you could fucking paint with words and then go and say that you know what I mean like I got you know I don't know what it is off the top of my head but that's i mean you started to do that a little bit but i i mean i would set up set it up with that you know because i'm afraid if i like it what's wrong with that you wouldn't be able to do it again is that what you're saying uh well i don't know like i think it's like that fear of like finding out you're a deviant.

Listen, you've got to fucking lean into that. I am a fucking deviant, all right? I've got ropes and a fucking blindfold and some fucking jellies and shit. I'd rather fucking have it and not need it than need it and not have it. You know what I'm saying? I mean, seriously. I've got a fucking riding crop and a cat of nine tails. I don't use it all the time, but it's nice to switch it up. You know what I'm saying?

Have you ever dipped sourdough in icing? Does that taste like cake? Sourdough in icing. Have you ever? You got an electric fist that plugs into the wall? I mean, who's not a fucking deviant? You know what I mean? Pornography makes more than fucking music, sporting events, fucking live concerts. Everybody not a fucking deviant? You know what I mean? Pornography makes more than fucking music,

sporting events, fucking live concerts. Everybody's a fucking deviant. You know, lean into your deviancy. Where it goes is like, I couldn't do like a... Unless you're running home with a birthday ice cream cake and you fucking just do that. Where it was going is like, I never got into butt stuff.

Any butt stuff. It's never been my thing. Things going in my butt. Me putting things in butts. Yeah, I get it, man. It's a fucking, you know, shit comes out of there. Why are you going to fuck with that one? It's a perfectly good vagina two centimeters away.

You know what I'm saying? A dude just said, my man. In the audience. My man. I don't get it. You speaking the truth, man. That butt stuff, not for me. A lot of anti-butt people in the crowd. But it's like, I could never fist

somebody because I go to the beach and I'm picking out sand out of my fingernails for a week. I'm too disgusting of a person to ever do disgusting things and keep the hygienic level going. Look, Josh, you into butt stuff, man? No, not really. Word. Josh, have you ever been in the shower and just put a finger in just to see what happened?

Like what does it feel like and stuff? Probably much. Just once in a while. Oh, much. Just once in a while. Oh, okay. It's amazing how just once in a while starts with just once. You really don't know

and a while's coming. Once in a while. He throws a pinky up there and next thing you know, this guy's doing deep knee bends over a fire hydrant. And he's down at the mother load on sling night. One more fist in there, and the next time I show up, I get a free admission. Yeah. All right.

That's what happens when you do it once in a while. Next thing, you're taking a fire hydrant up the ass. Tyler, I don't really remember anything that you did. We started with ice cream cake and we went balls deep. Thank you so much. Fun times. I love the fact that you're dressed more autistic than Josh Meyerowitz tonight.

I love the blue on blue. No, that's actually the new fall JCPenney line. It's from the unfuckable collection. I love it. Thank you, Tyler Miznar. Good job. It's been on a lot lately. I'm pretty sure he's from some crazy state, Montana or something like that.

Holy shit. Can you imagine that? What are your thoughts on Montana? I've been there. Yeah? Yeah. There's no speeding fines up there. You got a cop pull, should I ever give them 20 bucks? They do now. Oh, they do now? Yeah.

What did you fucking do to ruin it? You can still pay cash tickets right there. Okay, that's cool. Wow, that's cool. You could just pay it right there? Get the fuck out. It's like 40 bucks. Wow.

Just fucking boom. That's great. But it's Montana. That's exactly how it should be. But you got to live there. I mean, that's the... They don't have postal service anyways. I saw a dude driving this fucking race car Porsche.

It was like the S5. But I'm going, why would you fucking drive that car in Los Angeles? You're just going to sit in fucking traffic in it. I mean, Montana would be a place you would have a car like that because it's an actual fucking race car. In Montana would be a place you would have a car like that because it's an actual fucking race car. And you're driving around L.A., you're stuck in traffic in a fucking powerful race car. It just doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

The best is when they just hit shit on the streets, too. I mean, that's what I notice a lot is a little pothole and those things break pretty easily. Guys, we have two regulars that go on at the end of every episode. They've been with us since the beginning of the show, and they still are, and it's always fun. And every week they do a different minute of material. So let's do it again. Going up first tonight, you know her as a college dropout from the University of Florida. She went on Kill Tony, and she said, Screw the rest of my college.

I'm a comedian now. Put your hands together for her. It's Kimberly Congdon. Yeah, fellas. Yeah. Your girlfriend got your butt. I don't get it. Shake it.

Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake that healthy butt. All right. Cut it off before I can dance. I get it, Brian. Hey, guys.

I feel like maybe I'm one of those kids that has repressed memories of being molested. Like, I feel like maybe that's just me being dramatic, you know? Like, I just want a story to tell. I don't know, though. I was talking to someone. I'm like, you know, it could have happened. And he was like, you know, you do talk about your absent father a lot, maybe he did it.

And I was like, no way, my dad never showed me any affection. Like, at all. Like, if anything, he was just molesting other kids. Which is bullshit. I'm like, hey, molest me. Get right here. You birthed me. Easy access.

Here it is. Baby butt. Did I take it too far with baby butt? All right, I'm sorry. I take that back. But, you know, like, I don't know. I don't think it was my dad, but my mom does get really excited to see me.

Whoa. Parakeet warning. I don't think it was my dad, but my mom does get really excited to see me. Whoa. Parakeet warning. We never. Oh, strange. Fuck yeah. So where were we? I'm really drunk.

You are? Yeah. Wow. Look at that. She's really drunk and she has daddy issues. Perfect combination. Yeah. What'd you do today?

Memorial Day barbecue? No, I stayed in bed and watched Game of Thrones and drank. Wow. How fun is that? It was great. It was the best day ever. Yeah. So here I am.

That sounds like a perfect Memorial Day to me. I like the bit. I didn't really like how you said it, though. You said a lot of... With a lot of slurs, and he said, and you said, and he said. It was too much of that. But I like that new addition. I thought there was another part that you had said before. Oh, yeah. It was a little dirtier.

Before I had said, you know, so then my friend got sexual and was like, why don't you try to bring up those repressed memories by doing something sexual? So I called my dad and neither of us have ever done that before. Right. See? Nobody likes me fucking my dad. It's not a thing that the crowd enjoys. Right.

Yeah, when you got into easy access and stuff, it took it to a weird... Baby. A little too creative. Yeah, it did get really weird. I got a boner. And it's on Tony's lap, right? Exactly.

A lot of people think it's just a leg. It's actually a penis with a sneaker on the end of it, bro. Anyway. That gets a much love. We got a much love from that.

You just set off... You just said the right word combination to set off an autistic guy's, what do they call that? A tick. I just set off his tick. Yeah, much love. That's what he says when he gets excited. So how long have you been on stand-up? A year and like five days. It'll be a year.

A year and five days. Cool. How's it going? It's going great. It's a lot of fun. I like it. I like the attention. I like being looked at.

Hey, guys. Well, she's being honest, so that's good. So how about the writing of the jokes? Do you like writing the jokes? I do like writing jokes. And what's your goal? I want to do stand-up full-time. I don't know exactly what I mean by that yet, but I do want to do stand-up full-time. I don't know exactly what I mean by that yet,

but I do want to. I'm not a 9 to 6 kind of girl. You know that about yourself, right? Yeah, I just kind of want to just do stand-up on TV or on the road or whatever. That's what you want to do? Yeah. Well, good for you.

Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. Yeah, I think it's all great, as always. Since you're writing a new minute each week, it's always tough and goofy. The one thing that I'd say about this one is, you know, don't apologize when you said baby butt. Either you say baby butt to stick that landing or you don't. You don't go divisively, hey, baby butt.

Oh, you guys don't like baby butt? Was that too much? I'm sorry. I take that back or whatever you said. It's just like if you're going to say baby butt, then follow it up with more baby butt or turn it into something else. But don't apologize and pretend like you didn't say it knowing that you wrote it because people will feed on that type of they know. People can tell because you said baby butt. So if you said something that you didn't plan to say at all, then that wouldn't happen. They know that you thought of baby butt.

So when you say sorry about baby butt, people are like, oh, she's apologizing for baby butt. But you've got to just own baby butt. I'll trademark it. Yeah, trademark baby butt. It's my thing, guys. No one takes baby butt. I'll trademark it. Yeah, trademark baby butt. It's my thing, guys. Where were you at earlier today? Were you an extra to a Michael Jackson video? What happened?

That's so great. Red and black leather. Nice. Just starting a new thing. That's what you wear when you watch Game of Thrones? I was getting into character. You know what they call the hard-on you when you watch Game of Thrones? I was getting into character. You know what they call the hard-on you get from watching Game of Thrones?

It's called a throner. Game of Bones? Alright. Guys, I'm pretty sure we've laughed as much as we're going to laugh tonight. Great job. I'd like to do a minute. Gaping baby butts. Yeah.

Dot org. That visual imagery of a baby butt that looks like a fucking. Gaping hole. Like a fucking old catcher's mitt. Like a hallway. Just fucking gross. Oh, my. Did you say you want to do a minute?

We'll have you close it with a minute after we do our final comedian. I want to see what this is like. Okay, perfect. Your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, is the other regular, always goofy, always fun. She turns a little something into always something crazier and more diabolical than it usually is. It's the hilarious Sarah Weinshank, everybody. Don't turn it down when you really want to say, yo, baby, let's get down. What's up?

I was at a barbecue earlier. The spread was so wild. There were ribs. There was a biscuit. Biscuit, that's a very bold carb choice. You don't see too many biscuits in LA. There was a biscuit, and then there was corn on the cob and then my friend who was hosting the party asked me if i wanted corn on the cob holders i said started thinking about it like why do corn on the cob holders even exist

did a germaphobe think of that? Was he like, no. Don't want to get my dirty hands on this corn and then put it in my mouth. Something wrong about that. Did someone have a fear of touching a bare piece of corn? Maybe. Why aren't there holders for other things?

Like apples. Why are there just holders for corn? There you go. The holders are for because corn's fucking hot when it comes off the grill. And the butter. You don't want to get butter all over your hands. Yeah, and you don't want to get butter all over your hands. But I do think there's something there, and that's that the corn holders are in the shape of corn.

In fact, that word, corn holder, I like your corn holder a bit. That's another butthole name. I like your corn holder. I like your corn holder. Speaking of corn holders, I like your corn holder. You mean a pickup line at a barbecue? Man, you have a beautiful corn holder. Look at that. Jesus. I want to sniff your corn holder. You mean a pickup line at a barbecue? Man, you have a beautiful corn holder. Look at that.

Jesus. I want to sniff your corn holder. That's a one shapely corn holder. I was thinking, I just wanted to talk about corn holders, and I should have just started with the corn holders instead of the barbecue stuff, I think. No, no, no. The barbecue thing is great. I mean, you have it all set up so that you could go on a whole run of barbecue things, especially in your style. You could talk about – I can picture you doing a sloppy Joe bit and this and that.

The biscuit thing I think is funny. My favorite part that you didn't really get into is when you say you don't see many biscuits in LA. It's almost like you really don't. It almost turns into – it seemed like – what I sort of pictured just for a moment was that you were going to go off on like a racial type of thing where biscuits are like, you don't see many biscuits in L.A. Normally they're down in the south. Start talking about Sloppy Joe. And no, that's the guy in the corner who shows up at the fucking party, gets too drunk and fucking vomits on himself. They call him Sloppy Joe. He comes every year. drunk and fucking vomits on himself. They call him Sloppy Joe. He comes every year.

Well, I wanted to talk about how if I have a wedding to go to, I just buy nice corn holders because it's like the cheapest thing that you can get. When you have to go to a what? A wedding. No, people are registered. Do you buy corn holders? No, but I was thinking that that's a great idea for the

future. Like, oh, I got you these vintage sterling corn holders. No, it is a great idea as a wedding gift if you ever want to talk to the people again yeah they said the corn holders yeah we just used forks growing up we were too poor for two forks on each end wow i've never heard of that did i just love fucking chewing it right off the cob like a fucking little typewriter bing bing bing know, back when corn was natural before fucking Monsanto and they genetically modified the organism

so it's not even... I just saw a picture. It was like a piece of GMO corn and a regular corn and the squirrels got at it and they wouldn't even touch the genetically modified and they devoured it.

And fucking oddly enough, the squirrels fucking use corn holders devoured it. And fucking oddly enough, the squirrels fucking used corn holders to eat it. See, I knew I fucking had to pull that joke out of the fucking... It's a callback. Hey, can I get a drink before we shut this piece down? Can I get a vodka?

Can I get a kettle of one on the rocks? You know, it's my shift drink. Maybe you could just use the corn holder to pick the corn out of your teeth. Oh, yeah. And that might be crossing the line, even at a barbecue. Or maybe you could just cut out the middleman

and jam the corn on a cob up your ass. Because that shit don't break down anyway. I think there's something... I usually call... When I eat corn, I like to see how my digestive tract's working. Like, I fucking eat the corn, and I put it on the fucking stopwatch.

How long will it take for that corn to go through my system? It lets me know I'm healthy. That's interesting. I didn't realize I could do that. I actually wrote a report. We had to do a thing for, remember We Are the World or whatever that shit was in the 80s? Yeah. Like Africa, or whatever the Africa song was.

But what is that song? We Are the World, right? We are the world. We are the children. We all have to write a report, like our things, our ideas to help the kids in Africa. And I actually failed it because I wrote this whole thing. And I was being 100% serious that we should just feed them corn

so they can keep on eating it over and over again. They could just wash it out and then eat it again. Yeah. You know what's funny? Because it wouldn't break down. It would just wash it out and then eat it again. Yeah. You know what's funny? Because it wouldn't break down. It would come out looking like a fucking ear of corn. If all you ate was corn, it would look like, when you shit, it would look like a fucking ear of corn.

Right. That's what you're getting at, right? Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I wrote as a kid. And I thought it was making sense because it's food you can keep on eating over and over again. That's so funny.

Yeah. Especially if it's packed through your fucking bacteria-filled lower GI. No, I mean, it's clean. I wrote, you clean it and stuff like that. No, you run it through the filter once in a while. Yeah, especially if it's packed through your fucking interior filled lower GI. Clean it and stuff like that. Yeah, take the flies out. Fucking gross. I love it. I think there's really something in the corn holder thing about it looking like corn.

It seems like what else would you eat with the things in the side that doesn't look like the thing. You can fucking go after a cucumber with a fucking pair of corn holders. And you can do a pickle with a pair of corn holders. It's anything. It's pretty much anything you don't want to handle. So if,

I mean, it could even be, if you want to get sexual, it could be a penis, but like putting, because you don't want to, you don't want to have to handle a penis. It's kind of gross.

Make a little Frankenstein. In case you guys got general warts, you use the cornhole. Oh, my God. Before you take a load of toddler juice down your goozle chute. Goozle chute. Goozle chute. That's a new one.

Yeah, see? You fucking. Sarah Wine Shank, thank you so much. She's Princess Shank on Twitter. Kimberly Congdon is. Kimberly Congdon or is it Kim Congdon? Kimberly Congdon. Can I do a minute?

Yeah. I want to see what this feels like. Ladies and gentlemen, doing one minute. Put your hands together for the great Jimmy Schubert, everybody. I'm okay? I'm okay, thanks. How graceful was that? There's a lot of tablecloth. I used to be a fucking dancer.

Anyway, I was out having dinner the other night. I walk over. The waiter finally brings the food over. And I'm getting ready to eat. This other guy pops out of nowhere and goes, fresh pepper? I was like, are you scared the hell out of me? What do you got there, a table leg? How much leverage do you need on the pepper seed?

You're not pressing apples. I'm looking for a tangy accent on my salad. Besides that, isn't pepper always fresh? You ever bitten into something and said, this tastes horrible? How old's this pepper? You didn't leave it out in the shaker all day, did you? That stuff will spoil. Anyway, the guy with the

peppermint, this guy had the worst case of carpal tunnel syndrome I've ever seen in my life. He couldn't get any traction on the wheel. Nothing was coming out. You know? Finally, he puts the pepper bazooka up on his shoulder. Boy, a team of busboys came running over and worked it from the back end.

Which I thought ruined the presentation. Because that's why you go out to eat. It's all about presentation. Even the way they word things. Would you care for some dessert? What do you mean care for? Like open up a viable, emotional place for it in my life and take care of it

and support it when it gets old? I want you to say what you mean. You still hungry? Yeah! Guys, that is episode 52 of Kill Tony. Thank you so much. Follow Jeremiah Watkins at Jeremiah Stand-Up. What else is going on? Look up Thunder Pussy on iTunes at Under Desk One.

Jimmy Schubert. Jimmy Schubert. Jimmy Schubert. All Jimmy Schubert. Just go to my website. You can get to everywhere from there. Last Comic Standing, guys. Check out a lot of Comic Standing.

Follow the hilarious and awesome Joshua Meyerowitz. Last comic standing, guys. Last comic standing. Final student watch and also, yeah, cool. Follow the hilarious and awesome Joshua Meyerowitz. He's at Autistic Thunder on Twitter. One of my favorite patriots, by the way, dude. Yeah, definitely. We can't wait to have you back. Thank you so much to all the listeners. It's been a fun year.

And to this live audience in particular, thank you guys so much for being part of it. Thanks for coming out on Memorial Day. That was nice. Yeah, exactly. Ballsy move, people. And also, remember, thank you for the armed service personnel for all you do for us to keep us safe and protect our wildlife. Enjoy your Memorial Day. Hell yeah.

And the brownies. How's that for a nice time? I love that, absolutely. For the troops, everybody. For the troops. And Girl Scouts, awesome. And Girl Scouts. Thank you guys so much. Good night. Good night. Outro Music