KILL TONY - KILL TONY #55

Episode Date: June 30, 2014

Bret Ernst, Mike Lawrence, Eleanor J. Kerrigan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Iron PeteeC, Brian Redban – Date: 06/16/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have all the links to subscribe to us on iTunes, Stitcher. You can go to our Death Squad store and get the limited edition Kitty Kat t-shirt. Or we're having studio auctions right now with really limited edition gifts just to pay some bills. We also have our live shows. We're going to be in Comic-Con 2014, July 23rd and 24th. It's going to be Kill Tony, Thunder Pussy, July 23rd.

And then the following day, a big comedy show on July 24th at the American Comedy Co. This is going to be amazing, guys. Go get your tickets now before they're gone. Go to AmericanComedyCo.com or DeathSquad.tv that has all the links. Go to AmericanComedyCo.com or DeathSquad.tv that has all the links. Also, me and Sam Tripley are coming to Florida August 8th, 9th, and 10th. Tampa, Jacksonville, Orlando. Tickets are going on sale very soon. Go to DeathSquad.tv for all the information.

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Get up for Tony! Let's quit! Everybody, it's happening again. Welcome. How are you? Live audience, we're here for Kill Tony 55, everybody. This is very exciting. It's good to be back in the States.

I spent this weekend in Canada. It's good to be back here on Kill Tony, brought to you by, you hear that ringing? What is that? That's the values that we have going on right here. McDonald's, our lovely sponsor, has some awesome things out right now. A SeaWorld celebration. SeaWorld. Text 26739 to SeaWorld for your chance to win

a SeaWorld celebration sea of surprises brought to you by McDonald's. I'm loving it. I spent this weekend in Canada, and I'm glad to be back. Did you drink like we usually drink? No. Because you're with Joe Rogan. I ate like a man.

Did you? I was there with Joe Rogan and Brian Callen, who's also like a manly man. And by day two, I was in the hotel gym lifting weights. It was like the opposite of one of our trips where I'm just laying in bed like, why did I do that last night? I was like, I'm going to make my life better. So those guys are inspirational. Did they get you to eat steak, though, or any kind of meat? Did you have a cheat day?

No. It's not cheating when you feel good from eating healthy and uh so no i didn't have a cheat day however i did eat a lot of sushi god is that good stuff am i right people for those of you that can afford sushi in the room a lot of rising comics here so not a big sushi crowd but, but they do love McDonald's, and me too. I'm loving it. The Quarter Pounder Burger. What's your choice today? Hashtag

hashtag myQPflavor. So you can tweet your favorite type of Quarter Pounder to McDonald's at hashtag myQPflavor. That's an actual thing, by the way, that's on this box. Who are those people that do that?

Crazy. Oh, you know what? I like mine with bacon and onions. Hashtag myQPflavor. Like, why would they make it just a quarter pounder flavor? Why wouldn't it be hashtag myburgerflavor? You know, then they would cover all the burgers. Why just a quarter pounder?

You think that you think that whistle could get taken care of by something in the back keep going for Josh Martin everybody at Josh Martin comic keeping an eye on things always keeping us safe

from everything yes exactly we have a big announcement that I'm excited for. Oh, yeah. This Friday, everybody, this is breaking news. This Friday, we're going to be doing our first and probably only Kill Tony from the Ice House, a very, very

special event, 10 p.m. Ice House with our guest, the powerful Joe Rogan, everybody. We'll be joining Kill Tony for the very first time. He refuses to come to the Comedy Store, as you probably know if you know anything about stand-up. So we're doing an ice house there with him

and his big, beautiful, strong mind. We tried to get Joey Diaz on the same episode, but he couldn't make it, so we might have to come back and do another one with just Joey Diaz. Yeah, which would also be so much fun. And he's the only other guy that refuses to come here, so we gotta get these two super hilarious

monsters in on this show. They love stand-up, so they totally would get it. But if you're a comic, you could sign up tonight. Just talk to Josh about it, because it starts at 10 p.m., and you know, we wanna... This show's gonna sell out, so this is gonna be a huge sold-out show, so it's gonna be Josh about it because it starts at 10pm and this show is going to sell out. So this is going to be a huge sold out

show. So it's going to be great for you guys to do a minute in front of a sold out Joe Rogan audience. And it's also going to be listened to by a lot of people. So if you get the chance to, if you have Friday night free, it's a great time to sign up. Yeah, just don't fuck up, alright?

Yeah, you don't want to bomb in front of Joe Rogan, guys. That would be embarrassing. It'll be fun either way. I don't want to steal any jokes either off the internet or anything like that. You definitely don't want to do that. However, if you did do a minute of Carlos Mencia's material, that would be pretty

funny. But it would piss some other comics off, probably. That he stole those from. Never mind. Anyway. McDonald's, I'm loving it. Thank you. Tonight, it's another fun show. I'm very excited. We always have a

patriot to keep us safe and protect us from anything crazy that might happen. Our head of security tonight is a return patriot. He's one of our favorite patriots and one of the best. It's the Iron Patriot, everybody is a return Patriot. He's one of our favorite Patriots and one of the best. It's the Iron Patriot, everybody. Stoner Patriot. Pete Cornacchione.

Superpower. Super pothead. We love him. He's the Iron Patriot. Many Patriots we've had, but this is the Patriot, one of our favorites. How you doing, Pete? I'm loving it. He's on Twitter at PDC,

also a fan of McDonald's. How do you like your quarter pounder? I like dank quarter pounds. I like four of them. That's a whole pound. Wow, look at that. He's doing math on us. Who would have thought that the stoner doing math, but I guess

if it's measuring out pot, then that makes sense four quarter pounds do make up a pound hell yeah uh it's good to see you're up to a third grade math level um how are things things are good tony yeah yes i rode the train here you did yes uh with this gentleman oh wow we got stuck I had to wait 20 minutes. You didn't see me, but I saw you. Right. He's surprised because he can't imagine that you...

He wasn't wearing that suit when he was on the train. No, I was. You were? Yes. I had to wear it the whole way here. I can't sit down. I love it. You play it so real.

Totally committed. Well, we're glad to have you back, Pete. What happened to your car? It's parked on the hill because I'm an alcoholic. Oh, that's right. Oh, you left your car here last night. Indeed, and the night before. Oh, fuck yeah.

Why even have a car? I've been thinking about that. Why have a car when those IKEA lights... Actually, I did some more math besides the quarter pound math. And I could take four Ubers a week, and it would be cheaper than my car payment. Well, there you go. That's all you need.

Yeah, I mean, if you add in insurance, if you add in all the extra shit. All that shit. Gas. Gas. Uber X is amazing. I'd love for them to be... My car is like $800 a month if you include gas and all that shit. Oh, God. I never even thought about that. You could probably just live off Uber now, or Lyft even.

For sure. The new mobile soccer app is available now at... Oh, shit. That's their mindset. At MCD.com. McDonald's, I'm loving it. Guys, our two guests tonight. I always have two of my funniest friends and two of my favorite comedians at the same time be guests on this show.

One of them has done it two other times. He's from New York City. That's the great Mike Lawrence is here, everybody. And the amazing, amazing from Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Tour and so many other great things. The great Brett Ernst, everybody. They are both here. Thank you, guys. Welcome.

Good to have you. Two of my favorite people. Welcome to the show. Brett, how you doing? Welcome. I'm doing good, Tony. You been on the road a lot lately? Yeah.

Just, what was I? I just got back. Well, I guess, does Tahoe count? Yeah. Yeah, I just came back from Tahoe. It's beautiful. Yeah. It is.

It was actually nice. Yeah. How about you, Mike? What's going on? Things are good. You know, Spider-Man 2 had some good moments in it. I was upset at how the Rhino was underused. And Electro was basically the Riddler from Batman Forever.

He told jokes and saved people's lives and that's the first time we've seen that in five Spider-Man movies. I'm doing okay. I didn't see the new Spider-Man movie but have you seen Godzilla? I fucking hated that movie so much. The first one

scarred me. The first remake that I didn't realize. Like Godzilla had calves. Yeah. And the remake. Yeah, it was like, what is this? They made him too likable. They gave him too round of a face. So it was just like a giant green

Barney. It wasn't intimidating at all. But this movie, what they did was in the trailer, it's nothing but Cranston. And then there's no fucking Bryan Cranston in it. Right. Yeah. Which pisses me off because I look like his failed stunt double.

I'm really upset by that. Did you see the new Tom Cruise one? Yeah, it was great. Edge of Tomorrow. That was great. Wow. Tom Cruise still doing it. Who would have thought his days of thunder are still continuing?

The weird thing, any time Tom Cruise is in a science fiction movie, it's weird because what he actually believes is way more bizarre than any movie that he's ever been a part of. He's like, look, I'm fighting these made-up aliens because the real ones gave me opportunities. Yeah, it would be like Tim Tebow starring in like a fucking Bible flick. Oh yeah. I met him this weekend.

I met Tim Tebow. Good dude, right? Yeah. It was, it was, it was cool. He's a very nice guy.

It was at the UFC. I was at the live event in Vancouver and I had just met him. Right. And then I go over to my seat, which is close to his. I was in the front because I was with Rogan. Then they put him... Seth Rogen.

They cut to Tim Tebow after I meet this super nice guy. Nice to meet you. I love stand-up comedy. Super nice to meet you. Then they put him up on the Jumbotron five minutes after that and the whole audience booed so much. I felt so bad for him. I don't get why people hate this guy.

Wait, he's a fan of stand-up comedy and he complimented you? Did he think you were one of Jeff Dunham's puppets? No, he didn't compliment me. However, I actually auditioned to be one of his puppets and they wouldn't take me. You've got to be more racist towards Muslims yeah it is crazy what that guy can pull off who profited more off 9-11 than Jeff Dunham

I would say Ahmed Ahmed if you're a puppet at cartoon you get away with everything if you're a real at cartoon, any of that type of shit, you get away with everything. Yeah. If you're a real-life person, that ain't happening. It's amazing. Jeff Dunham's just like, oh, I didn't say it. He said it.

If you're a cartoon man, I wish I had that Porky Pig money. Fuck. That's strong. Heck yeah. The merchandise, that fucking guy's killing it. Oh, God, yeah. Jeff Dunham? No, the Porky Pig.

He was saying if you had the Porky Pig money. Patriot, do you have any questions for our guests? I actually do. I was doing some research today, and I know that you were a manager of McDonald's. Did you go to McDonald's University, or did you work your way up from the fry stand? I worked there for seven and a half years. Wow. And I was never a manager, so you got your fucking facts wrong.

Oh. You think you know me? That question brought to you by our friends at McDonald's. I know. This right here, you fucking piece of shit. You knew I worked there. And he has this right here. Is there a swastika inside of this so you could offend me in two ways?

a swastika inside this so you could offend me in two ways? The home of the golden arches, McDonald's, where you can tell us what your choice flavor is today at hashtag myQPflavor. Did you have a question for Brett, Patriot? Well, I did have a question for Brett, but I was worried he was going to punch me in the throat.

So, what's up with you punching people in the throat? That's an interesting question. Yeah, I don't know. I've never really hit anybody in the throat. Your costume doesn't have a throat. I think you're fine. I'm safe. Where'd you get that?

I did hit a manager at McDonald's in the throat one time. Boom. Wow. I read it on Wikipedia. Boom. You racist motherfucker. Haven't my people suffered enough? Haven't they suffered enough?

And even your voice just reminds me of my voice in the drive-thru. This whole podcast is so depressing. I love it. Our buddy Josh Martin used to be the manager at a McDonald's as well.

And now look, look at how far he's come. Look at him now. He's now in the back of the belly room switching knobs on and off just like in the back of the belly room switching knobs on and off, just like in the deep fryer days.

All these McDonald's questions were unplanned, but I'm glad that we got some extra promotion in for our friend. Now, we are at episode 55 of Kill Tony. You guys know what it is. Stand-up comedians get the chance to do one minute on this stage and then

talk to us afterwards. We talk with you about the bits. Maybe it's some advice. Maybe we ask you questions. Just know more about you. We just talk. And maybe you'll get some help out of it. Maybe you'll learn something new. Welcome to Kill Tony 55, guys. You know that you did a minute when you hear

the sound of a kitty. Aw, that means you better wrap it up, or you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Yeah. Angry bear, guys. I just imagined a fat, bearded guy fucking a horse. That's what that sounded like. There was a lot of extra animals in there.

The birds chirping? Yeah. I guess the bear is hibernating this time of the year, not being too aggressive. So respect the time. Don't bring out the bear guys. The listeners hate it. It's so loud when they listen to the podcast on headphones.

And give each other the energy you're not giving us right now. Yeah, exactly. This is very, very mellow, but I'm excited that you guys are at least here. I think we got a lot of this audience from the Wax Museum on Hollywood Boulevard, but not very voluminous, but they're definitely present.

This isn't an Anna Gasteyer SNL sketch, so please give us some energy. I love that you're burning Anna Gasteyer from SNL. She hasn't been on the show in six years. She was my manager at McDonald's. She was really mean to me all the time. Heck, yeah. So let's get it started, guys.

Are you ready for Kill Tony 55? Kill him. Here we go. Your first comedian doing a minute tonight and then talking with my friends Brett, Mike, me, and Red Band and the Patriot. Your first comedian is Tyler Miznarik, everybody. Here he comes. Spider-Man, Spider-Man, just whatever.

Spider-Man, into it, anytime. Hey, so Roman numerals. We still teach kids that, and I don't get that. I'm pretty sure the only reason we teach kids Roman numerals is so they can keep track of Super Bowls. That's all I figured out so far. That make sense? It's a stupid, outdated system. We still teach people it.

Like, if you were to write the number 38, it'd just be 38. But if you were to write it in Roman numerals, it's XXXVIII. It's stupid. You know who did an event in Roman numerals? The guy who had to spend four hours chiseling that shit in a granite. Wasn't his thing. What really pissed me off, though, was like, first grade, I just figured out what letters are.

I just figured out what numbers were. Then some asshole walks in and is like, hey, by the way, sometimes letters are numbers. Deal with that. That's it for me, guys. Thank you. 52 seconds of Tyler Mesnarek talking about Roman numerals. I'll give that a V-I-I out of X. Yeah, Roman numerals were the

first common core. Common core? What's that? Anybody fucking read the news? Yeah, Roman numerals were the first common core. Common core? Yeah. What's that? No? Yeah. Anybody fucking read the news? Is that from Game of Thrones or something?

No, it's the new curriculum that's fucking up math and fucking everybody up. It's making it more complicated. Is that true? Yeah. Wow. That's stupid. I guess I'm an asshole for reading. I'm sorry. Once you guys got your smartphones, Google it.

Common core. Core. Oh, common core. We'll just stick to the comic books. The nerd in me gets so scared when a jock starts talking smart because I'm like, they're evolving. No. I was a nerd. I know.

I know. But you don't see. I was captain of the bay team. Domestic and stamped. What's up, kids? You want a fucking rocket? You seem like you beat the shit out of a nerd and then Mega Man'd his knowledge.

Yeah, fucking the Patriot thinks I hit people in the goddamn throat, and now you think I beat people up. God, you guys, stop profiling me. Anyways, I liked it. I thought it was good, man. Thank you. To do a minute is fucking...

It's tough. Yeah. It's a great joke, great premise. You a minute is fucking, it's tough. Yeah. It's a great joke, great premise. You know, good for you. Thank you. Yeah.

I love it. That might be the best. I liked it. I mean, also good for you. I can't say, I'm not charming good for you. I can't say, like, I'm not charming like this guy. I am. But I think, you know, there's other places you could go with it. Do you have more to that?

It's just, like, what is it actually about? It was all pleasant, but it never evolved. It never transcended what it was. It was nice. It was Frasier funny. It would have transcended if you knew what Common Core was.

Then it would have transcended. I think it would have been a nice political fucking joke. I think it's interesting. The guy who wrote it doesn't know what Common Core is. I know it would have been a nice political fucking joke, but you know. I think it's interesting. The guy who wrote it doesn't know what Common Core is. I know what Common Core is. I don't know the Roman numerals.

I think it served its purpose. I think there's more places you could go with it, you know? Their numbers outlasted them, you know what I mean? It's like, who would have thought that those crazy Roman gladiators would be like, you know, they're so tough and amazing, but their form of math and numbers outlasted them and all of their armor.

I still think the Common Core would have been funnier. Or that you have to really hate Arabs not to use their numbers and stick to the Roman ones. That's good. That's good. That's good. I like that one. You could do something with Triple X, maybe.

That's how Triple X was because it was three tens. You don't want to watch Triple X porn because girls who are 30 don't turn you on. Even Roman movies about Roman, like 300 was written in American. It wasn't written in Roman numerals.

That was about Romans. I think it was about the Greeks. It wasn't written in Roman numerals. And that was about Romans. I think it was about the Greeks. Oh, yeah, whatever. I guess I'm a dick again. All those greasy whatever they are. What's the number two in Roman? Or something maybe like I took a V. I took a number two or whatever.

What I was wondering about is like because it's, you know, three is I, I, I, but then 4 is just I, V. Why does that work like that? Because now you have to subtract. V means 5 and 1 is less than... Whatever you say, you're H4 positive. You're H4 positive.

That's a good one. How long have you been with the stand-up? Also, we use them for Rocky movies. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Rocky 5 doesn't count, by the way. Is that just to make Rocky seem smarter? It goes 1, 2, 3, 4, and then 6.

5 is like the 13th floor on a building. We know it's there, but you just don't talk about it, and it shouldn't even be fucking recognized. You mean the one where the boxer has H4? Yes, that one. It's really hard

to even watch that movie. They don't even play it on TV or anything. Oh, it's so bad. I love that his nickname is, his real name is Tommy Gunn, and his nickname is The Machine. In case you didn't get it.

And then in Rocky, and then in the last one, Rocky Balboa, the guy's name is Mason Dixon, and his nickname is The Line. Wow. I just imagined like Stallone, you know, because some people don't understand what we're talking about.

Tyler, fun stuff. Thank you so much. I was impressed, man. Good shit. Thank you. I appreciate it. Stretch it out.

Keep working on it. Solid minute. Yeah. Cool. Awesome. Tyler Meznarik. Thank you, guys. Good job, man. He's on Twitter at Tyler Meznarik, M-E-Z-N-A-R-I-C-H.

So say hi to him on Twitter, people. That's fun. Brett, I always ask every first time guest this question. Mike, you've been on a couple times, so I think you've answered it. So I'll just ask Brett. Yes, I find you attractive. Oh, thank you. Okay, well, moving on.

I would also thrill Tony. Was there anything that you did on stage when you first started stand-up that you can't believe you did or said or talked about? Like something embarrassing looking back at it. Now it's going to look bad because we talked about the punching of the throat. But I lost my temper. The first job I ever had, I was a house emcee, and this guy just was a drunk, being a drunk dick.

I didn't even get, like, I just said, hey, how's everybody doing, you know? And he just started in on me, and I didn't know how to handle it. So I just brought the next guy up right away, and then I went in the back, and the manager was yelling at me, and a guy came up towards me,

and I just lost my temper, and then I got fired. What's that? Mega Man. For the four podcast listeners that got that, that was Red Van playing Mega Man. You're nine minutes behind. Previously on Kill Tony.

So what do you mean by lost your temper? I just, I got, I got like, you know, not physical with him, but we kind of threw him out. And then the manager, it would cause a whole fucking commotion. Whatever he was like, we threw him out from the mortal coil that we call life.

No, and then that was just very unprofessional. And like, I didn't even, I didn't know what I was doing. Right. You're saying everything except that you killed the guy. No, the manager, the guy was being a dick. I mean, he was being a dick. I mean, can I be honest with you?

The only thing I was upset with, I wasn't upset with throwing him out. I was upset with the way I handled it when I was on stage. And the guy that was opening, I didn't even do any time. Right. And that's pretty much the first major fuck-up of many. Gotcha. I didn't put this show before me, so to speak. Right.

Gotcha. Yeah, which is a common mistake a lot of new comics do. Yeah, totally. They don't acknowledge it from on stage and set the tone. Well, there's also the thing with comics and jet like la new york is a different thing than being on the road you know la new york a more showcase club so you get guys doing 15 minutes you know 20 depending on where you're at and everybody follows each other where when you're on the road there's actually a headliner that people fucking

pay tickets right one person and the first guy is supposed to just warm everybody up and not fucking screw the show up and get fired. Where was this that you were the house MC? Boca Raton. It was in Boca Raton, Florida. Wow. Boca nuts. Remember that place?

My mom used to perform there. And then it became the New York Comedy Club. No, she literally did. My mom was a comic for 15 years. Really? Who's your mom? I'm the first joke she delivered. Was that her joke or yours?

It's both of ours. You guys co-wrote that together? It's in their DNA. It's the first time it hit. It was supposed to miscarry. But... No, yeah, she did Uncle Funnies and all that. What was your mom's name?

Alice Can. Named after the asshole she remarried. Wow. He's a great guy. No, no, but yeah, so she did comedy for, yeah, a long time. Wow. We're both from South Florida. Well, I mean, I grew up in Jersey, but went to high school in Florida,

and we both are from Davie, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys know the legend Bert Kreischer growing up? Of course. Well, not growing up, but I knew him in Tallahassee. His nickname, much like Tommy Gunn, The Machine. Bert's an old friend, man. My mom saw Todd Berry at his first

ever open mic. Wow. In like 1986, yeah. Well, how'd that go? Probably killed, huh? No, she did okay. Wow. In like 1986, yeah. How'd that go? Probably killed, huh? No, she did okay. No. She said he was great. And then he fought. They did a co-headlining gig a few years

after that. And they were going to pay her less and he fought to make sure she got equal pay. Wow. So your mom was a comedian. What did your dad do? Her until she divorced him He worked at a hospital Oh wow

Yeah And then they divorced He didn't want her to be a comic I bet Most people probably don't Yeah As couples The same awkward tension

That's in the room now Was in my family for 20 years To say that Well nobody wants to be fucking, you know. It's very hard to have a stable relationship and do stand-up at a certain point in your career. Yeah. It's very hard. I look back and I respect her a lot.

She was a nurse and a comic and a mom all at the same time. Amazing. Let's give it up for your mom. Yeah. Mrs. Coleman. If you're listening up for your mom. Yeah. Mrs. Coleman. If you're listening. Colon? Yes, Colon.

You think she married Gary Coleman? He didn't have sex with her as much as he just crawled in her vagina and cried. Your next comedian, a favorite here on Kill Tony. Very funny guy. It's been a few weeks since we've seen him. Put your hands together for Brett Banta, everybody. Hi, my name is Brett Banta. I don't like my

name. I wish I had a name like a gladiator, like Maximus Proximo or Trattoria! The name Brett Banta really wouldn't work in the movie Gladiator. The king would be like, who will lead the armies to the north of Germania? Trattoria?

No, I will, Brett Banta. I think NFL football players are kind of like gladiators. I like it when they say their name and where they went to school before the show. But I'd be too embarrassed to do that. It'd be like Peyton Manning, Tennessee, Jack Youngblood, TCU, Brett Banna, Georgia Tech, Louisiana Tech, ITT Tech, DeVry, University of Phoenix, online, art school. What would art school football sound like? What would that be like? Would they play on grass or canvas?

The announcer would be like, yep, the Miami Hurricanes, 100. The Cal Arts Abstracts, three. Miami's playing with the Wildcat offense. The Cal Arts Abstracts are playing with perspective. Woo! Thank you. Brett Banta, always fun.

I love what's going on there. Lots of Woody Banta. Did you really go to all those different tech schools? Did you go to multiple tech schools? Where did you go to? I bounced around. I went to school in Florida.

I went to a junior college in Florida Florida. I went to a junior college in Florida, and then I went to a junior college in Colorado, and then I went to school out here in Colorado. What school in Florida? I went to Pensacola Junior College. Sounds competitive. That was terrible. Isn't junior college high school? Yeah, pretty much. That sounds competitive. That was terrible.

Isn't junior college high school? Yeah, pretty much. I really think that it would be funnier if you actually said the names of those actual three schools that you went to. It makes it realer. I agree with Tony. I was waiting for DeVry and University of Phoenix Online and the text. If you're going to do it, keep it real. That's actually going to be funnier. Pensacola Junior College, some other

junior college, and then finishing off at CalArts. If you say it like how you just literally answer the question, Brett Banta. Brett Banta's a badass name. It sounds like one word, like Barbosa. Brett Banta. Brett Banta. I like the name Brett. It's a very badass name. And it sounds like one word, like Barbossa, you know, Brett Banta,

like Brett Banta. I like the name Brett. It's a very strong name. Very masculine. But you say it. They only get me one T. That's the way to do it, dog.

People don't know. It's an androgynous name. Two Ts is feminine. One T is masculine. Good for you. You're a man. I saw his name on Melrose

at the improv and I had to get one T, and I did do it. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Too many two Ts out there posing like one Ts, man. It's bullshit. Some people add an extra T on my name. I'm like, no, they did it. For you listening to the podcast,

Brett Banta just said that he saw Brett Ernst's name on the improv and got so excited that he did a Tiger Woods arm pump. I think you've got to say your name slower because you say it fast and it does sound kind of cool. Yeah, it does sound very badass. Incredible hulky. The prophecy has spoken of the legend

Brett Banta. Brett Banta. See, it's pretty cool. From Cobra? Yeah. Hey, I was going to say you I said you got a cool-ass name. Cobras. Together, it did sound good.

I agree with you. Be specific. Why make up fucking Pensacola Junior College is ten times funnier than fucking DeVry? Totally. And then the audience will be able to feel the realness instead of them going, oh, he's just naming places over and over again. This is a jokey joke. If you keep it real on the thing,

but what I think is what makes it funny is the way that you answer it in the end. You go, and I finished up at CalArts. If you say that like that, because it is what the joke's about is how those guys say their names before NFL games, and they are always very specific. And if you went to an Ivy League school, then you could throw

those, but you're a fucking degenerate, so you might as well ride with it. Just be, if you went to an Ivy League school, then you could throw those, but you're a fucking degenerate. Yeah. So you might as well ride with it. Just be honest, you really fucking My parents went to gnarly Ivy League schools and then they just, that was it. I went to, yeah. Think of the horrible woman you'll get to fuck when someone yells out, I went to

Pensacola Junior College too! Right. Yeah. So wait, you said Pensacola And she'll get to be Betty Banta. Pensacola Junior College, too. Right. Yeah. So, wait. You said Pensacola. And she'll get to be Betty Banta. Pensacola Junior College. I went to Front Range in Boulder. Oh, fuck. And then I went to Cal Arts.

Yeah, there you go, dude. There's your three anyways. You know anything like Brett Banta sounds like Bruce Banner? Yeah, it does. It's a good superhero alias. Yeah. I think you've got a cool fucking name, dude. Yeah. Especially the first one. It's really fucking. alias. Yeah. I think you've got a cool fucking name, dude. Okay, thank you.

Especially the first one. It's really fucking. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I like that when he says that, Brad Bant. Enough of this Banta banter. I like the Whitney Banta line. I got nothing. What the fuck?

Did I put my name on this show? I don't think they like us. But that's really funny stuff. The football thing and the first thing. It's still with the football thing. You can go right into that arts thing afterwards since you actually did finish up at art school. How's that going for you?

Did you ever use that degree for anything? I did, but I don't want to anymore. What the fuck are you going to do with it? Yeah, it's not. It's like communications. It's fucking useless. Unless you want to teach. do it. Yeah, it's not. It's like communications. It's fucking useless. What always blows my mind is why do people finish and get an art

degree when after probably about a year in art school, you should be able to just make a degree good enough to just fucking... I like how you're thinking, Tony. A little comedy action. You know, like the mild manner disposition of him and the last guy. Like, comedy doesn't get enough credit for how many shootings it prevents, you know?

Absolutely. No, definitely. There's a lot with the art school football thing, too. Like, you know. That was funny. When they draw plays, they must look fucking amazing.

Just on the chalkboard. Right. Do a thing on, like, uniforms. Like, are they well-designed? You know, like, how would that be? How would art school football be like?

And then again, you don't want to beat the premise up. You know what I mean? Yeah. Are they well-designed? How would that be? How would art school football be like? And then again, you don't want to beat the premise up. You know what I mean? I think you're just one thing over to... Right. You know what I mean? You're staying in the pocket, which is good. How long have you been doing stand-up? Almost two years.

Yeah. Usually two-year comics, they get out of the pocket. They make a joke, but you're staying in it. Yeah. Which is good, man. You know? They make a joke, but you're staying in it. Yeah. Which is good, man, you know? Yeah, again, man, I think doing under three minutes is probably the most difficult thing in comedy. No doubt about it.

Hands down. Brett Banta, everybody, did it again. One T, Brett with one T. One of our favorites here. Strong. He's on Twitter at BrettJBanta, one T, JBanta, B-A-N-T-A. It'd be funny if you spelled Banta with two Ts. one T, J, Banta, B-A-N-T-A.

It'd be funny if you spelled Banta with two T's. One of our favorites here. Always hilarious jokes. Let's keep this fun train moving along. Your next comedian goes by the name of Chris Levkalich. Yeah. Here's Chris. Thank you.

I read a story recently about a British soldier in 1918 who had the opportunity to kill Hitler. He had him at gunpoint, and he let him go. I was like, holy, that's mind-blowing to me. The only way I can reconcile that is the fact that no matter what happens for the rest of your life, nothing is going to be worse than the day you let Hitler go. Like, nothing at all. You'd be like, I just lost my job,

my girlfriend left me, my house burned down, totaled my car, and it's like, well, not as bad as the day I let Hitler go. I feel like the only thing worse would be if you had another chance to kill Hitler, and then you let him go again. You were like, mother fu- ah, shit, he got

away. You know what? That guy, there's something about him. I like his eyes. Thank you very much. Fuck yeah. I see a different angle. You'll never win an argument again. Like, you can never be right. Like, you lose all kind of fucking

credibility. Like, you're arguing with your wife. You're like, you know what? She's like, listen, honey, I don't feel like doing this this day she's like well whatever you let fucking hitler go asshole yeah you know like it's yeah like what about millions of deaths congratulations asshole and it'll always be the thing it always you can never shake that that and it'll also be the thing that you know people know about you before you meet them. Like when a friend's introducing you, it's always going to be,

hey, this is Chris, and he's the one that I told you about earlier. Oh, that's Chris. He's the first person to feel guilty for going to a synagogue for two reasons. Or I think what was missing is I think you should create a reason as to why he didn't. You know,

because like the idea of him seeing him again and all that's funny. The true story is Hitler was actually injured and he wanted to spare the guy's life because he was a young Hitler.

It was 1918, so it was like 20 years. Yeah, because he was a soldier. That's where his kid came from. So what if he was like, what if he was like, I'm not going to kill Hitler. What am I, a monster? But something like that.

Or if he thought his mustache was adorable or something. I don't think he was rocking it then. Was he rocking that shit then? He had already been rejected from art school. That is a kicked out of art school mustache. There's an art school joke with Hitler. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Hitler actually drew a picture about it. He painted a kicked out of art school mustache. There's an art school joke with Hitler. Hitler actually drew a picture about it.

He painted a picture of the guy. Of the guy letting him go? Isn't there a comic book origin of a villain? Isn't there something to make a metaphor with that, even in history where somebody got let go in a movie and they end up coming back? Well, the burglar in Amazing Fantasy XV,

which is the first appearance of Spider-Man, he lets him go, and then he shoots Uncle Ben. It's like Spider-Man's uncle. Yeah, Uncle Ben, which makes a great race. And he realizes that with great power comes great responsibility. He let the fucking guy that killed Uncle Ben go. At the end, you said, you know, I let him go because he had nice eyes. You could say he had nice baby blue eyes.

Oh, wait. Here we go. Check it. So now, okay, it's a suit. What if the guy had. He could have used it for motivation to be a suit. Like, he spends the rest of his life trying to make it up to the world that he let Hitler go. Like Spider-Man.

So now he fights fucking Germans. For no reason. What if the dude had blonde hair and blue eyes and that's why Hitler thinks that's the ideal kind of person? Oh. Now we're writing a fucking movie. Yeah. I love that. And he finds out the guy's Jewish or something.

Right? And it torments him. Did we just come up with a prequel for Valkyrie? Is that what we just did? I think we did. Wow. Anyways, it's a deep joke. A lot of layers.

Yeah, definitely. I did not see it going this far. Anyway. We just came up with 10 different history channel specials. Like, literally. And all of them would be more accurate than the shit they put on now. The man who let Hitler go. You know what I mean? I hate those fucking history channels.

They don't follow the common core. Nah, you know what it is? Is that they lie on those. They're always adding fucking dialogue. You mean like mermaids being alive? And you end up watching it. You're like, are they real? That's what I love. You remind me of

the guy in the Spider-Man movie who cheers Spider-Man on at the end. Go get him, Spidey! Do it for the towers! Dude, you're fucking joking. Is that a joke? That was me, dude. That really was you? Yeah, that was fucking me. Are you serious? Yeah.

Are you serious? Yeah, that's serious. You were in Spider-Man? Yeah, I'm the guy? Yeah, that's serious. You were in Spider-Man? Yeah, the guy fucking going, that was me. Wow, that was... Well, I just want to say... You're pretty observational. That that character of guy who cheers on Spider-Man goes against 50 years of continuity in which New York always hated Spider-Man

because of J. Jonah Jameson's tutorial. Well, I took artistic... I took, like... I improvised that. You improvised ruining my childhood? Is that what you did? They're supposed to hate Spider-Man. Well, yeah, I know, but I just...

I didn't feel like this guy would hate Spider-Man. I felt like he would like Spider-Man. You know the citizens of New York are wishy-washy because they hate him and then love him like five times in that movie. Yeah, it's the same thing they do with the Giants and the Yankees and every other fucking team. Chris, keep working on it, man. You're in Spider-Man 1?

You got a handler. That was believable. I wouldn't believe that. Well, I mean, I am a good actor. Thank you. I can imagine Sam Raimi saw you at a Boca Raton open mic after you threatened to kill him, and he's like, I'll put you in Spider-Man.

Don't hurt me. By the way, you know who was in Spider-Man? Joey Diaz. Uncle Joey Diaz was in fucking Spider-Man. And Jim Norton. Spider-Man, you have to get through me first. Cocksucker. And my favorite wrestler of all time, the Macho Man Randy Savage.

Oh, yeah. The Bone Crusher, right? No, no. Now, here's the funny thing, which you won't laugh at, but his character's name was Bonesaw McGraw in the movie, but in the original 1962 comic, it was Crusher Hogan, but he hated Hulk Hogan so much he refused to go by that name.

Now, didn't Hogan get that name from him? From Crusher Hogan? It wasn't so much that. It was that Vince McMahon Sr. fetishized Irish people and wanted to give them an Irish name. Even though he was an Italian. Yes, Terry Bollea. The plot thinkings. Anyways, good shit.

Does any woman in here have any witness in their vagina at this point? Show of hands. All the women left ten minutes ago. Chris, thank you so much. That's Chris Lepkalech. The samurai sword and the fucking toy are always a good enticer. Women love that. Hitler's, that was another, could have been a shooting.

We're saving lives here. Absolutely. You know what Brett was in that was really, really have been a shooting. We're saving lives here. Absolutely. You know what Brett was in that was really good? Weeds. He played a bad gangster. Yeah, thank you. Right before the show got bad. Yeah, right before it jumped the shark.

I was the shark. Yeah. Wasn't it the season where they moved to Mexico? It was the end of two, beginning of three. Right, yeah. We were in a house and like fucking, I was Armenian

and I killed her husband. That was the only episodes I watched. You played an Armenian? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's awesome.

Any connecting eyebrow ethnicity. That's who I go in on. Brett Ernst, shades of a greaseball. Any guinea shit, any of that stuff. Now, do you get threaded or do you just Gillette it off? I get this.

It's a different type of wax. It's the wax. Women will know what I'm talking about. It dries and then they rip it off. It's not with the cloth. I try to do threading. It's too much. Listen, I'm an adult.

I groom. It's what I do. Speaking of waxing, speaking of waxing, I got to tell you that I saw something amazing today that I want to share with you guys. I went to the car wash, and Denzel Washington is there. He had just come back to pick up his car. His car was getting washed, and there was a Mexican manager of the car wash

who goes, you know, thank you. It's so nice to meet you. I watched Denzel get in his car. This was all happening 10 feet from me. Can you do that Mexican impression again? That was pretty fun. Thank you. It's so nice to meet you. I watched Denzel get in his car. This is all happening 10 feet from me. Can you do that Mexican impression again? Thank you. Nice to meet you. He really was just like that. Carlos Mencia ain't got nothing

on you. That's right. I'm actually more Mexican than Carlos. Aye, aye, aye. Zero percent, but I ate a quesadilla a few days ago. Anyway. You have someican in you then oh you son of a bitch um so denzel's there and uh he gets in his car oh thank you so much and denzel ignores his thank you and i see he's running his finger along the underside of the

inside of the car and then he looks at his finger and he goes you guys didn't wash my car and the guy's like oh no he no, we washed it. And he starts running his finger under other things. And he gets out of the car. And the guy's like, no, we washed it. He goes, no, you didn't wash it. I brought it here clean for you to wash the inside and the outside and then wax it. And it looks great.

But you guys didn't wash it. So don't tell me that you washed it. You just waxed it. You waxed it, an already clean car. He goes, no, we washed it. Denzel gets out, opens up his hood, lifts it up, runs his finger along the underside of the hood and looking at it, and he goes, there's no water under this hood.

You didn't wash my car, so there would be some remnants of water under here. He's like, no, we washed it. Did it go through the fucking thing? Yeah, well, that's what the guy said, but I don't know if they did. I think Denzel may have been right about this. Even though the car looked fucking magnificent, he was proving his point that they didn't wash it. So you got to watch Denzel be intense in person.

Exactly. No, I swear to God. That's like watching a Kardashian fuck a black person. You got to see someone who is the best at something be the best at it in that moment. That's incredible. And it just kept getting better and better. He goes, there'd be water under the hood if you guys washed it. It's a hot day.

The water probably dry. And that's when Denzel really gets overdrive Denzel. He was pissed that the Mexican just became Jewish for no reason. You mean to tell me. You mean to tell me. Did he do all that shit? You mean to tell me. No, better than that. He just went, is it washed? He always does that.

Maybe the guy was a good dryer. Yeah, that's what I was saying. What if he just dried? Maybe the guy was like, no, I know how to fucking dry. But they don't dry under the hood. You know that. Well, hey, I'm taking Denzel's part on this one. But didn't he watch the car?

Here's the great part. Hear me out on this, guys, is that he goes, there would be water under the hood if you washed it. Mexican guy goes, no, it's a hot day. Water could have dried. He goes, now you're just making excuses. And that's when I'm glancing at the people that are sitting on this bench next to me, all of us pretending like Denzel isn't seven feet away from us.

Blatantly Denzel. One of those guys that's like six foot three or four, you know what I mean, and thick. They're built like stars. So you're not like, is this some guy that looks like Denzel? You feel like that for five seconds, racist inner self where it's like, oh, is that Denzel Washington? Then it hits you. You're like, oh, fuck. That's definitely Denzel Washington.

How did that become racist? Did he just morph into a regular black guy? No, I'm saying there's that moment where you see a black guy that looks like Denzel and you're like, oh my God, is that Denzel? Because you relate it. But then you're like, oh shit, no, it's actually Denzel. It's not really racist.

Then we later find out it was just Reginald Vell Johnson from Family Matters the whole time. I was a police officer for 25 years. I helped John McClane secure Nakatomi Plaza, motherfucker. Denzel didn't want a free car wash. He didn't want money back.

He just wanted to let the guy know that he knew that they didn't wash their car. And it was the most amazing fucking thing. What kind of car? An unbelievably – Prius. Oh, my God.

It was a fucking unbelievably beautiful, one of those giant old Chevelles, like muscle. But the color of the car was what really was amazing. It was like a light yellow banana, like a light banana. Not deep, bright yellow. This beautiful light tone, almost like butter. Absolutely. You know that later that day, he went to Mexico to bomb that guy's village and was just like, is it clean now?

It's clean now, isn't it? But what was amazing was that it started with the guy going, just wanted to let you know I appreciate you coming here. And Denzel just from the very beginning as he's saying that, not going, oh, thank you. Denzel doesn't give a fuck. He took the window of the compliment. He doesn't need your compliment.

Right. Through a window, by the way, because he was in the car when that happened. I always watch my car go in. I don't know. I blame Denzel for that. I doubt they would really skip that part. They would still just run it through. Yeah, why would they do that?

They wouldn't do that. He was running his finger into the shit, and the guy looked, too, and he went in with the rag. Oh, I'll get it now. And he got in the car. But when Denzel got out and he got in, Denzel opened that fucking hood and the storyline got better, you know? There's no water under the...

Now, what was more entertaining? Watching that or somebody watching, like, who's this creepy dude in a sweater fucking staring at Denzel? Right. All of us were. I've been there. The people next to me had their camera out.

They're like, I can't fucking believe it. Who'd you ever mark out on? I'll tell you who I creep. I creep Stallone out. Really? Yeah, and Piper when he first got here. That's so funny you say Piper because my biggest mark out ever, even though it happened quick, was Brett the Hitman Hart,

who was hanging out with Rowdy Roddy Piper right downstairs. One T. Brett. He was hanging out with Brett Hart, and I was walking to the back to smoke pot. This is downstairs. So you go through the kitchen, and there's a little side room there that you normally just walk by when you're going straight out the back door. But Piper and Bret Hart were there, and there was a sewing machine, and I think there still is, on the right-hand side there against the wall. So it's against the wall, but you don't even notice it. It's right next to the wall. So it's against the wall, but you don't even notice it. It's right next to the door.

But when I saw, I saw a leather jacket out of the corner of my eye, and then my peripheral happened fast. You see stringy black hair. The stringy wet hair, and I swear to God, it was exactly like that. And then I saw his face, and I literally fell, like it physically pushed

me like a hard breeze into this sewing machine, and I'm just oh sorry hello Brett Hart really does have the hair of like a stripper who had to work a double you know definitely super greasy looks so terrible yeah my wife was like I've never seen you I've never because I never really cared about

that type of shit I mean especially being in the business so long and when I saw Piper I freaked out oh yeah she didn't even know who he was pro wrestlers hit comedians. Anybody from my childhood, I freak out over. Especially pro wrestlers. Like when I went to Disney World and I saw Mickey. Oh, Piper, come here. That fucking freaked

me out, man. Your next comedian goes by the name of Joe Carl. What's up, guys? Any Jews in the house? Anyone? Nothing bad ever happened from outing yourself as a Jew? Don't get scared. I'm actually half German, half Palestinian.

And although I was bred like a shih tzu chihuahua to hate you, I love everyone. like a shih tzu chihuahua to hate you. I love everyone. I even do a lot of bar mitzvah shows and shalom festivals, and sometimes I kill and sometimes I bomb. It really just depends on what side of the family comes out that night. By the way, I've been working on that bit for a while, and not once has anyone called me on the fact that there's no such thing as a shalom festival.

has anyone called me on the fact that there's no such thing as the Shalom Festival. I kind of want to find out what that is, because now I'm actually interested in it, like what a lay Gentile doesn't know about. Fuck yeah, there you go. 49 seconds of Joe Carl. All right. The Shalom Festival thing, I mean mean there's got to be something

I like the bomb and kill part I don't know about the Shalom Festival but the bomb and kill idea is good how long have you been doing stand up? I'm back in it for about a month and a half I can tell you're kind of new but

see the thing is up front when you greeted us I didn't know if you were Jewish A month and a half. Yeah, I was going to say, I can tell you're kind of new. Yeah. See, the thing is, up front, when you greeted us, I didn't know if you were Jewish. Oh, yeah. That's why, you know, but then you made the Jewish joke. I mean, I do. I could see the blood on your hands. He knew right. He hit me and he said, no.

He's not the one I want to say. He's like, I'm German and Palestinian. Yeah, you know we control show business. Like, things you might not want to say. It's like, I'm German and Palestinian. You know we control show business. Things you might not want to say out loud. I think there's something about that, though. I think there's totally something in that. You could totally pass as a Jewish guy, and I think that there's a joke in that.

Exactly. I was going to say, if you establish that up front that you're not, or just go in, I'm German and half Palestinian. People think I'm Jewish and go that way i mean i would say like you know just dig deeper because like the bomb and kill thing is one part well then it's just clever it's it's it's it is like a month and a half in joe and there's nothing wrong with that because you're about the half end but just start to think more and i mean this is the best thing about starting and i'm sure you'll probably agree is that you get to fail as much as you want and it doesn't fucking

matter yeah right so experiment and tinker you know look up every you know thing about palestinians and germans in your life and i just feel like I've heard that Muslim equals bomb so many times and I feel like you can go further than that. Yeah, but that's still a unique angle, I think. Yeah, and the way that you look... The German and the Palestinian.

I think you should say something like, and especially as an opener, since you're only a month and a half in, you're going to want to acknowledge the way that you look. So I think an interesting way is you could do it anyway. Like, I look Jewish. Or you could even say something like, I know what you guys are thinking, another Jewish comedian.

I'm actually half Palestinian, half German. But this is, you know, God. What side do you relate to more? The American side? Well, no. That was funny. I'm serious. serious like what side like i i mean both equally my parents still loved each other so you know i don't know well well then i'm what i'm saying like i'm i'm wait you want to be a comedian and your parents loved each other

good luck with that no i i don't really what i meant is that like is there an ethnic background there are you just like for instance, like, I'm mostly Italian. I grew up in an Italian household, and it was very thick in tradition and all that other stuff. But I'm still American, but I relate more to that than my German side. Here's the thing. It's, like, exactly even. Like, my mom's from Mississippi, and my dad's actually from Palestine. Well, see, I'll tell you, there's a lot of great Arab... I made a joke about him before, but Ahmed Ahmed

and a lot of those other guys, I don't know if you ever watched them, but they dig into areas sometimes that they go a certain way and you think, and then they go a little deeper. Aaron Kater's a good one like that, too. Connect with your German side. Or you can even talk about

how the Palestinian and the person from Mississippi got together through their shared love of anti-Semitism. You know what? Here's the thing. Actually, most of my jokes have nothing to do with Arab or German or anything. But it's a minute, so you got to get into it. Yeah, because I'm not actually big on the whole. Well, let me tell you what to do, man, because I'm more of a storyteller, bro. I really am.

Spend that minute and just go into a story, and whether it hits or not, just – but see, it's so hard to do it at a month and even a year or three years because you still know you're on stage. It's like after 11, 12 when you really start to fucking see the matrix, so to speak. You know what I mean? Well, the thing, too, is that – But it's great stuff.

I mean, you have a good area to fucking dig in. Yeah. But do you think that was one good area to fucking dig in. Yeah. But do you think that was one of your better jokes or not? Yeah, it's my opener. It's typically my opener

and then I go into stuff that has nothing to do with ethnicity. Okay. Yeah. By the way, that's my wife over there. She's a teacher

and she went from being like super into you whenever you mentioned Common Core and then you said it sucked and then she instantly the glaze over her eyes. I used to teach too.

It's terrible. Every teacher I know that's experienced fucking hates it. Her entire career surrounds being a Common Core leader. She was like, oh, he knows about it. Have you seen a Common Core math problem? Is that what Louis C.K. was tweeting about the other day? Yes, it's fucking garbage. I'm an English teacher.

Oh, God. Yeah, well, I'm saying the mathematics is fucking garbage, and anybody that defends it has never been in a classroom. Math is dumb anyway. It's always been dumb since the invention of a calculator. Now that we have an iPhone, why do we need to do math anymore? There's no math necessary. Are you fucking serious? How do you think you got the fucking calculator

and the fucking thing? No, no, no. I'm talking about force math. I'm talking about when you're in college and you're taking Algebra 3 for some reason for an English degree. Yeah, I agree with that shit, too. There's no reason for that shit.

No, I suck at math. How long have you been married for? Three years. Good for you. Wow. I like how you had to look at married for? Three years. Good for you. I like how you had to look at her for approval of that. You kind of have a Woody Harrelson from True Detective vibe. I like it. God damn it, Cole.

I agree, though. They shouldn't force you to take fucking geometry and shit. I hated it. I could get a degree today if I took two more math classes. That sucks. Basic college algebra, I failed three times. We were talking about the what's-his-face earlier that said all the MITs and the DeVries and stuff.

There was a teacher in New York, I forget what school, but it was like a DeVry, that just got caught 29 years. She's been a teacher with them, and she doesn't have a degree. She was the dean of the college. And does she still get a pension? No, she got fired.

They fired her. And it's just hilarious that that shows you right there how unimportant it is. DeVry. Oh, yeah. It's all bullshit. Well, I don't think it was DeVry. I think it was something like that, though. Yeah, teachers suck, man.

What did you do up until this point, Joe? He's like me every night and then he just leaves. That'd be the best thing ever. I work in production. I moved out here four years ago. What part of production? I'm a producer in the motion graphics industry. Commercials, advertising,

copywriting. I actually used to come visit here and I came here with my fake ID whenever I was like 19, and that was right before you guys did the Wild West thing, so you guys were here all the time. You guys were like the first comics I ever saw. Oh, cool. Yeah, it was really cool. Well, I'm glad, man, that you're here now. You doing a lot of spots, or are you being lazy?

No, I'm in it. It's every week now. Every week? Yeah. What does that mean. It's every week now. Every week? Yeah. What does that mean? Like three times a week. All right. Well, come on.

What do you want them to do? It's fucking tough, man. It's true. It's tough to get stage time, bro. That's why he's here doing a fucking minute. Seven to ten a week. You could do that. You got to be doing at least seven, I think.

Yeah, do seven one-minute sets. No. I think. Yeah, do seven one-minute sets. No. And hopefully in fucking ten years, you'll get ten minutes. If you never truly try, then you never truly fail, and I don't think three times

a week is truly trying. I agree. If there's a website, I don't know what it's called anymore, you might be able to remember. There was a website that listed all the open mics. There's Comedy Bureau now. Bad Slava. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm just, I'm just like, I know you have a job and everything, but I feel like you got at least like five to seven or it's not worth it. It's a hobbyist. Yeah. I agree. Hot Cafe has it every day. It costs five bucks. I go to Sal's a lot. Anytime I can. Yeah. I agree. Hot Cafe has it every day. It costs five bucks.

It sucks. I go to Sal's a lot. Anytime I can. There's places everywhere. And it's going to start off quantity over quality, and then you'll realize. Seven years. Seven. How about you?

Nine in November. 11, but I took three years off. Yeah. I don't know. I've been doing it a long time. It seems like now, I don't know if there's more or less stage time now. Yeah. I talked to you guys about it last time I got up. I did it for a year, like hardcore.

That was when I was living out here by myself, and I went seven, eight times a week. You've got to do more spots. You've got to want to go out and do spots. Yeah, absolutely. And if you don't want that, then you're just going to end up doing it. Also, utilize it, man. A lot of people come in, they get their time, and they dial it in. Yeah. You know? Like every fucking spot is valuable yeah i don't think it's just the material either sometimes it's just being on there and being in the moment that you got to

focus on you know but it's hard it's hard to it's hard to to figure it out in a year and if you're doing the only if you can only do three a week then you got to be writing a lot you got to be trying new stuff you got to record your sets and listen to them. That's a good question. Do you write on stage or off stage? Off stage, yeah. You write off stage? I mean, I work as a writer, so yeah, yeah.

That's probably – yeah, I think you could be writing one. Yeah. Well, good job, Joe. Stop being late. No, I'm kidding. Stay in it. All right, guys. Stay in it.

Live your dreams, Joe. Give it up to his wife. Joe Carl. Teaching the youth. He's on Twitter at Joe Carl underscore AS. What's the AS stand for? Abussocker. Wow.

Is that German or Palestinian? Wait, what did he say? Asssocker? No, Abussocker. Abussocker. Why not use your real name? It's long. But it's unique. Is Carl your middle name? But it's unique.

Is Carl your middle name? Wow, what a terrible middle name. Be yourself. I would say use your real name, Abu Soccer. Right there, it's interesting. That's the worst middle name ever, right? Yeah, I'm sure that's what he wants to hear. And coming up next, what is it?

How do you say it? Ass Soccer. Ass, ass, ass, ass muncher. There's already enough fakeness in Los Angeles. People should use their real names. No, but I agree. Then people after a while will know it. Yeah, it's catchy.

Yeah. Your opener is everybody fucking your name up. Do you remember when Zach Carl was in the three Hangover movies? Exactly. I love that. I'm a big believer in that. A few morons have told me to change my last name and you definitely... What is it?

Hedgecliff? Hinchcliff. Hedgecliff? You're about to say Heathcliff, right? I'm a big believer in make them learn it, make them learn how to spell it, make them love it, then change it. Or else they'd be boring Anthony Michael. Which would suck. That's why my whole cause is to get that one T

fucking recognized. Unlike Brett Butler. I know. Two Ts. Your next comedian's name is Sean K. That's easy. Oh, bitch. Get out the way.

Get out the way, bitch. Get out the way. Oh, bitch. get out the way. Get out the way, bitch. Get out the way. Oh, bitch. How's everybody doing? I actually said to myself, the only way I would truly know I'm funny is if I can make Denzel Washington break character. That's one thing in my mind. But it's funny, man. I got to apologize, guys.

See, I'm not the same when I don't sleep. I get a little bit out of character like Mel Gibson on a good day. See, my friends, they all hate me and they all complain that they say I start acting like the Wendy Williams show. Because whenever I don't sleep, I don't know if you guys have ever seen the Snickers commercial, but I turn into an old angry black woman when I don't sleep. And it's really strange because my mother's even worse. When she doesn't sleep, she turns into Kanye West. And I'm like, here, mom, you need a Snickers bar. You're not the same when you don't sleep. And yeah, I'm just like, here's two cups of coffee, three packs of sugar. Just wake up, Mr. West. And people say that white people don't hit their kids. That's

true. My mom never used to hit me. She just throw the heaviest thing at me and hope to God it would knock me out. Broomsticks, chandeliers, my father. Whatever that was close to her, she'd try to hit me with. That's it. Alright. Sean K. Hitting the full minute. We heard the

kitty meow for the first time tonight. Alright, Sean. You're missing punchlines. Let's talk about it. Yeah, you brought up Kanye, but you did nothing with it, your mom being Kanye. You set up a lot of premises. It was, let's go, Denzel Washington, Mel Gibson,

Wendy Williams, Kanye West. You basically just did a modern We Didn't Start the Fire. Dropped a lot of names. No, what I was going to say is I feel what last time, I was really uncomfortable on stage, and today I felt like even though I didn't get as much laughs as I did, I felt much more comfortable. That's great.

I feel like, to me, that's just growth in itself. First of all, I want to comment, strong head of hair. Fucking like it. The top of his head looks like the bottom of my chin. Fucking strong. Yeah.

When I heard you say Wendy, I wasn't thinking you were going to say Wendy Williams. I thought you were going to say you look like Wendy from Wendy's fucked screech

from Saved by the Bell. It's like if one of the wildlings from Game of Thrones did stand up. Yeah. I don't know about a wildlings, but maybe a White Walker. I saw a few people leave during his set.

He looks like a wildling. I was one of Variety's comics tonight's watch. Game of Thrones jokes, guys. I had a Game of Thrones tweet. Yeah? Yeah, who the fuck cares? It's a stupid goddamn show. Oh, you don't watch it? No, I'm kidding. I'm tweet. Yeah? Yeah. Who the fuck cares? It's a stupid goddamn show. Oh, you don't watch it?

No, I'm kidding. I'm joking. Oh, okay. I'm trying to get the nerds angry. Right. I love it. Yeah, you really scared me. My joke was that Lannisters always pay their debt.

Yeah. Apparently, they don't have student loans in King's Landing. That's great. I like this set, and I'll tell you why. Punch lines you can add later on. He's right. There's no fucking punchlines. I didn't even know where you were going with shit.

Right. I'll be straight up, but that doesn't matter because you're trying to be in the moment in the pocket, and you didn't run. You didn't bail out, and I can tell maybe you're more of a storyteller type, right? That's where you're going. So you write on stage, not off stage, correct?

Yeah. But it felt like slam poetry. No, I agree. This is what you gotta do. He's right. There was no fucking punchlines. I didn't know what you were stopping at. You were just throwing out premises, but that's okay. How long have you been doing it? Two years? A year. Talking to the mic.

A year, roughly. So what you want to do is you want to start trying you've got the, like you see your jokes in scenes, right? You're going to have to record it and you're going to have to, don't, exactly. You're going to have to record it. Don't be lazy. You're going to have to listen. First of all, what the fuck are you trying to say?

Where are you going with it? You know what I mean? Again, you're going to have to figure out where the joke... Remember, it's a story. People are listening. We're waiting. They're waiting. They're waiting.

You were just throwing out analogies. I could see you were trying to go somewhere. Take the time, listen to it, and figure out and say to yourself, what's the main idea of this joke, and then get to it. Does that make any sense? You did the same thing last week, and that was the same advice last week, is where you really need to listen to your sets, record all your sets, and really write it down.

Don't be afraid to write it down and be like, all right, every, say, 15 seconds, I need at least a up or a laugh or something like that. Just build it into your stories. But you need to really, I mean, if you can get a story first, that's cool, but you need to really have the jokes to be a comic or you're just, you know, like a poetry guy. Yeah, absolutely, because I can relate to what you said.

I always have the vision of the story, because I used to actually write sketches, and that's probably what was more of a... But remember, though, you've got to put that right in it, man. You've got to figure out where you want to go. Absolutely. Are you a fan of stand-up? Do you love watching stand-up?

No, absolutely. No, no. I mean, I've been all my life, since a child, yeah. Who's your favorite stand-up? Well, for. I've been all my life since a child. Who's your favorite stand-up? Carrot Top. Louis C.K., all the redheads. He's more a carrot bottom. Chappelle has a tremendous influence

on me. Watch those. This might help. Look at some of his sets and map out where the punches are, where the laughs are, and use that as a diagram. Because there should be,

even if you're not getting the laughs, opportunities for where they could occur. And there just weren't any tonight. But yeah, like I said, you know where you want to go. You just have to put the time in to get yourself there. You never even turned into the black woman that you foreshadowed that we were about to see. I know.

I was waiting for Kanye West to act out so badly. Right. But fuck yeah. How long have you been doing it? Just a year. Awesome. All in L.A.? Yeah, yeah.

Cool. How many times a week? I try to go up every night, every single night. Do you have any jokes about the way that you look? I mean, just this one. He's like, what's wrong with how I look? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? No, I have a story about it.

Sorry to let the cat out of the bag. And the voice, too. You kind of have like a black set. No, he does. Where are you from? Are you from the south? I was born in Florida and then moved to New York

when I was 19. I grew up in Fort Lauderdale. Where? Broward County. Me too. I went to play. Western High School, yeah. Charles W. Flanagan.

That's how old I am. They didn't have that fucking school. Charles W. Flanagan? Flanagan? Who is that? Where is that? What did that guy do?

Fuck him. Yeah, seriously. You heard it on tape, people. Charles W. Flanagan. Flanagan? Who is that? Where is that? What did that guy do? Fuck him. Yeah, seriously. You heard it on tape, people. Charles W Flanagan. He used to book Boca Nuts. It's a restaurant. No, Flanagan, Jay, on the beach. How old are you, Sean?

21. Wow. You're going to be a monster one day if you keep it up. Do you do a lot of spots? I try to go up every night. Even in the big three, improv and the? I try to go up every night, even in the big three, improv and the factory, just going up everywhere every night.

Well, I'll tell you, these offshoot rooms in LA are sometimes better than the major clubs. Because it's a whole different thing, man. You've got to go somewhere where you can really fucking experiment. I was going to ask, the thing about what I was trying to create with the vision of this punchline was the whole Snickers commercial. I saw what my tag was trying to recreate. the thing about what I was trying to create with the vision of this punchline was the whole Snickers commercial.

I saw what my tag was trying to recreate. All you were trying to say is that when you're hungry, you turn into a Snickers, and you're trying to figure out who you are. The lack of sleep deprivation was what I'm trying to say. What was the Mel Gibson thing at the beginning? Oh, I just get out of character. He was trying to tie it in. Yeah, tag. Getting out of character, like Mel Gibson on a good day.

I'm sorry. I meant the Denzel thing I thought you were trying to pull that in I was trying to pull that in You can't do much in a minute too I was trying to do too much But I felt comfortable Then try and do less The thing is the show is established

As a minute and that can't be used As the crutch every time We know what it is Everyone gets a minute You work can't be used as the crutch every time i don't feel because we know what it is everyone gets a minute exactly i mean you work within the laws of that minute i've mentioned this a few times it's much better to try to do 50 seconds and stretch it out on stage than it is to rush a minute 30 and try to get as many jokes out because then you're just talking fast and nothing's hitting and you lose your natural cadence. So it's always important for comedians to know that. None of my sex has lasted more than a minute,

and I've had second dates a few times. One minute's one minute, but what's the difference between a new comedian who has 15 minutes doing one minute or a guy that has an hour that's putting together a Tonight Show set? You don't see somebody doing a five-minute Tonight Show set and trying to put eight minutes into that five minutes. And then the chicken crossed the road, and then I did this, and then I did that, and then Dead's All Washington, and then Mel Gibson.

It's that, and it's also being recorded. You just got to do the time that you're given in your voice. You also don't. You can't get, I think, an over five-year comic. I couldn't do a fucking minute. There's no way. What do you mean? I could not do a minute.

There's no way. You have one joke that's at least a minute. Or you could take one and chop it down. It's like going backwards. It's almost how the USA basketball team lost to the pick and roll. You know what I mean? When you get so back to basics, it becomes more difficult once you're ahead further. Does that make any sense?

I mean, a lot of my material is like... I mean, I could do it one joke. I mean, the point isn't on the show that they're doing a set. It's not like a showcase. Well, I'm I'm I'm saying I'm on your side in a sense that a minute is is more to him. Like he's trying to do more. Yeah. When if you have like a just, you know, that that story was what that wasn't even a minute.

Right. It was. Yeah. Yeah. It was a minute. Minute. That was exactly. Yeah.

Get off right on the cat. Do 45 seconds. Exactly. And it take your time. Uh huh. You know seconds. Exactly. And it'd take your time. Uh-huh. You know? It's so much better to take your time on this show, and it actually makes you sound different instead of just a speed talker. What was that sign, Josh? What does that mean?

Next. Huh? Yeah. What? 9.30. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. The fuck out. Thank you so much, Sean K. Thank you 9.30. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. The fuck up. Thank you so much, Sean K. Thank you. Adorable.

Adorable, voluminous hair. Wow, it's almost 9.30? Yeah, time flies on this show. Do you edit this shit? It's 9.32. Time flies. We have 15 minutes left, and this is when we spend time with our two regulars. Since we started the show, we've had two girls that come on and do a new minute each week.

Always something different. A brand new minute each week that they work on. And sometimes it goes great. Sometimes it goes good. And sometimes it's a train wreck. But it's always fun and we love to watch them grow. They will be with us at Comic-Con and this Friday at the Joe Rogan Kill Tony at the Ice House. Put your hands together for your first regular.

She dropped out of college at Florida, where you guys are from. Florida's a theme tonight. Yeah. The home of the Gators. She just had a few months left before her degree, and she said, I want to try stand-up comedy. So she came on Kill Tony, and she's been with us every week since. College dropout,

Kill Tony regular, it's Kimberly Condon. Yeah. Was that music in honor of your accent from 20 minutes ago? Guys, put your hands together for Kimberly Condon, everybody. Here we go. Thank you. Thank you. I think that if we aren't going to take the guns away from people,

I think that maybe it's a good idea to start profiling the kind of people we sell to. Like, we should definitely be able to judge someone. I think that if you can't take a picture that's not creepy as fuck, you can't buy a gun. Have you seen the mug shots? You never look at the mug shots and you're like, that guy's dapper as fuck.

He looks good. He looks nice. They never look nice. They never have eyelids. That's a whole thing. And I noticed that a lot of the massacres, they're never women. So I think that's a big issue, is men. Hashtag yes all women.

I mean, I think it's because we already see enough bloodshed. I think it's time to start making them bleed. I don't know where I'm going with this. There you go. You're safe. You did the minute. These poor girls. Towards the end, they always panic because they want to do, you know, it's great.

You did it. Very good job. Thank you. Nailed it. I love it. Driver's license photos. Fucking money. Yeah, totally.

They always take a fucked up picture. Right. I love that they don't have eyelids. The mugshot, yeah. It's so hilarious. You ever see those fucking stripper eyes where they're like, hey, what's your name? I wanted to say, do you agree that people in mugshots look like they're terrified? Because I want to be like, you're the monster.

Why do you look, I feel like a lot of people, they look like. Well, I've had a few. I mean, it just depends on what they're getting arrested for. The no eyelid thing, that's funny. I had to go, what? Oh, because their eyes are so big. Maybe no eyelid. I think dapper as fuck isn't the wording that you want to use.

You know what I mean? I would use anything almost else other than that. You don't want people thinking people translating dapper as fuck. It's like you could go any way you want. You don't ever look at the picture of those guys and say, I wonder if he's single. And you can go somewhere too.

Yeah, exactly. You want to give them the vision that you're trying to... You don't want them wondering if you are single. You can go somewhere too with the fact that we're trying to you don't want them wondering if you were saying. You go somewhere too with the fact that we always say we didn't expect that person to do it and then it goes back to how creepy

the photo is. Because the photo that they use is always taken before the shooting and everyone's like, we didn't know it was going to be this guy and he's wearing like a Pantera shirt. And he has those eyes. I think that's a great angle. You know what, now that you say it going to be this guy and he's wearing like a Pantera shirt. And he has those eyes. Yeah.

No, I think that's a great angle. And you know what? Now that you say it, I think there might be something in that they look terrified. But I think you have to

set it up by saying and they don't have eyelids. Their eyes are so always wide open after you say no eyelids. You know? Tag it with that. And then you could say

they always look like they're about to get shot. They look like they just saw themselves or something. Well, see, I would stay away. I mean, look, I it with that. And then you could say, they always look like they're about to get shot. They look like they just saw themselves or something. Well, see, I would stay away. I mean, look, I love generalizations. I think they're great. As an Italian, right? No, I'm saying I do.

When you speak in absolutes, then you have a fucking problem. But when it's a generalization, generally, they're always fucking just those types. But when you start getting into mugshots in general, most dudes that go to jail aren't fucked. They're not looking wide-eyed and weird. They look scary. I was kind of talking about massacres. Because I have this whole thing on the NRA that I'm working on.

Well, yeah. And by the way, all these notes, obviously, take them with a grain of salt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. You know, dapper, you could sell. If that's the word you want to use, use it. I like the fucking he's not hot.

He's handsome. Yeah, he's fucking handsome, that guy. Right. I love that scared, creepy fucking Pantera shirt. I love it. I think it's great. And the bloodshed, very, very funny. Oh, you can also put something on women, too.

Like, you know, most of these guys kill because of them. Or there's always a murder. Well, women always have a reason. It's like they kill their own kids. Or, like, they never just, like, go out and, like, fucking whole kindergarten class. I think that's exactly where you go next. Yeah, that's where you go. I think if it was a minute and a half, that's the next 30 seconds.

Yeah, exactly. Women don't do that. They do this. I mean, maybe next week you could even just... They kill their own kids, not other people's kids. Yeah, if you kill other people's kids, you're an asshole. If you kill your own kids, you're just cleaning

up after yourself. That's so fucking funny. That is so fucking funny. Oh my God, that's amazing. Yeah, that's great. There you go. Let's go. Put that in your pocket. Look, I had this idea. I thought it was going to work. I guess it didn't.

You move on from these things. Take that for sure and roll it right into the whole thing. So there you go. You killed Kimberly Congdon. Doing it. I love it because every guy looked like a shooter, and then we got the victim's rebuttal at the end. That was really appropriate.

Follow her on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. Again, these girls are with us at Comic-Con in July. Ice House on Friday. Babadiba. Your next regular, always fun, always goofy, always takes a little something and turns it into something a little bit bigger and crazier. Very fun style. Put your hands together for Sarah Weinschenk, everybody. What's up?

My mom's getting kooky. I was at my parents' house yesterday and on the fridge were just tons of fortunes from fortune cookies all over the fridge with magnets. I said, Mom, what's going on here? You look mentally ill. You can't be just collecting these fortunes like this.

It's weird. You're a smarter cookie than that, Mom. It's weird. You're a smarter cookie than that, mom. But no, but it's weird because it's in Chinese food, these fortune cookies, right? They're in Chinese food. But there's a certain allure that the East has. Like if we put the fortune cookies or the fortunes at the bottom of a happy meal, people would be pissed off. They'd be like, where the fuck is my ketchup?

What's this piece of paper? Where's my ranch? What's this piece of paper? I'm just sick of fortune cookies. I don't think they need to exist. I'm tired of that one guy who always yells, in bed after everything. That's so old.

She brought out the bear. That's a rare treat. Normally, the girls don't do that. They know better. McDonald's employees would never put ranch in the Happy Meals. That's the thing that we're taught the first week. I did get a sweet and sour sauce one time. We fucked up, and I'm sorry.

No, I love it. With the fries, it's strong. The vibe that I get immediately from this is that the real story might be funnier. Is your mom really putting fortunes on the fridge? Yeah. Is she eating Chinese food? Is she ordering

delivery? Is she getting it to go? Did she buy a box from Costco of fortune cookies just straight up, and it's just opening bags like, where's the one that says I'm going to find my new husband is she single or what? she's married to my dad but

they're comfortable they're cute but I was going to say that I forgot that's what happened I was going to say they don't have that the smarter cookie joke was cute like in a Garfield joke kind of way even you couldn't get it out they don't have that. I don't know. The smarter cookie joke was cute, like in a Garfield joke kind of way.

I was going to say my dad said it. Even you couldn't get it out. I couldn't get it out. It's such a joke. I knew that it was so corny. I've never seen you do that. I know. I hate Mondays because of jokes like that.

I know. And I'm like, I was going to say that my dad said that. I've seen you do 50 different minutes and I've never seen you laugh at yourself. Like I can't fucking believe I just said that. I've seen you do 50 different minutes, and I've never seen you laugh at yourself. Like, I can't fucking believe I just said that. I couldn't believe it either. I was like on the front.

Let's get back to the real thing. So did you ask your mom about the fortunes? Yeah. What did she say? She goes, you know, I don't know. Don't bother me. How many fortunes are on the fridge, and how many magnets does it take to put them up? Well, I was going to say what would be funny

because there's kind of something similar but just take it and run with it. The magnets have sayings on them and it's holding up a fortune and they're contradicting each other. You ever see those destiny, those magnets, those inspirational magnets?

The only reason why I said that is because my wife had one up there and then put the fucking, this stupid-ass card we got. And it was just like I was reading the magnet to read the fucking card. But you could do it with the fortune. Oh, yeah. You understand what I mean? You ever see the magnets that give the advice?

All you have to do is open up a few for it to really get contradictory. All you need to do is open up a few for it to really get... What if it's like you? Oh, sorry. All you need to do is open up a few for it to get really contradictory. You open up one where it's like, tomorrow you will find your true love and then your third one will say, savor the flavor of loneliness for a while and find yourself. And it's like, wait, what? And also,

because now I'm just thinking of this. I mean, again, you don't have to use it, whatever, but the fortune says something. The magnet says something. You have those stupid-ass fucking magnets that people make words with. You know what I mean? And there's all this shit going on in the refrigerator. Meanwhile, your mom has more lucky numbers than anybody else in the world right now. What if the whole thing is like as bad as it is that she has all those,

at least she doesn't go up to random Chinese people and ask them for advice? Yeah, I like that. At least she takes it in cookie form, but she's not like, please tell me, am I going to die tomorrow? How much worse that would be. Does your mom take advice in real life well or no? No, she gives advice well.

Maybe she's hacking the fortune cookie. Or the fact that you can't tell her anything, she can only get advice out of a fucking cookie. I'd ask your mom more questions about this. It seems like you're not very close. Yeah. No, we are close. But you don't care about this weird obsession that she's putting?

There's a lot of weird things going on right now. Why do people always think Chinese people are wise? Because they always look old. That's why. They always look so old's why they always look so old they're the only people that when you see them feeding ducks you think

they're also talking to them they're magical or something so young is actually one of my favorite Chinese people that I've met you make me feel you make me feel so young that's funny yeah I mean I want to know more You make me feel so young. That's funny.

Yeah, I mean, I want to know more about the real thing and maybe how you're scared that you might end up turning into that, that you would have that in your family would really concern me. If my mom started doing that, I would ask her many questions about what she thinks this is about. It seems like you didn't do that. You're just like, oh, don't bother you? Okay, cool. Just letting your mom go completely insane.

Yeah, now's the time to talk to her about a will. The Happy Meal thing didn't work, and not just because of the technical inaccuracies, but because of the fact that it's like they still, like with Chinese food, they still give you the sauces and the napkins and everything. It's not like you don't get it. Yeah, you get a toy in a Happy Meal.

It's better than advice. But I agree with Happy Meals are for children who are five and Chinese food is made by children who are five. But I agree with Red Band. I apologize. Now's a great time to talk with your mom about her

will find out if she'll leave you her fortune. Can I make a quick observation, though? That's funny. That's great. Exactly. Sarah, thank you so much. Sarah Wine Shank. Follow her on Twitter at Princess Shank.

That's KillTony55. This is at TheMikeLawrence on Twitter. Are we done? We're done. Yeah. Anything you guys want to promote? Do we call that one That's How the Cookie Joke Crumbles?

I'm at TheMikeLawrence on Twitter and MikeLawrenceComedy.com. I'm going to be at a comic book convention in Miami July 3rd through the 6th. Wow. That's crazy. When is this airing? Three weeks. Yeah. Three weeks?

Shit. I think I'm in Austin. Awesome. I'm in Austin. Great town. Awesome Texas. Go to BrettEarns.com, right? Yeah. B-R-E-T-E-R-N-'m in Austin. Awesome. Great town. Go to bretterns.com, right? Yeah, B-R-E-T-E-R-N-S-T. Cap City? Cap City, yes.

At Josh Martin Comic, always helping us out. One of our favorite patriots ever. At Pete E.C. on Twitter. Very, very great Twitter mind. Always funny jokes. Comic Con in July. July 23rd. July 24th,

we're doing Kill Tony followed by a Thunder Pussy. Then the following day, we're doing a comedy show because there's a lot of comics that are in town for Comic-Con that just want to do spots. It's going to be awesome.

We've had Jim Norton, Joe Rogan, Doug Benson in the past. Tickets are on sale right now at American Comedy Co. or DeathSquad.tv. Thank you so much to the live audience. Thank you guys for coming out

and always supporting. We'll see you guys next Monday. Kill Tony! Kill Tony! Bye.