KILL TONY - KILL TONY #59

Episode Date: August 1, 2014

Moshe Kasher, Erik Griffin, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Guatemalan Patriot/Kenney Lion , Brian Redban – Date: 07/07/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Don't forget to go to DeathSquad.tv and click on our tour dates. This is the brand new tour date calendar. You see all the shows that Death Squad is doing, including next week in Florida. Me and Sam Tripoli are going down to Tampa on Friday, August 8th at the Crow Bar. August 9th we'll be in Jacksonville at Underbelly. And August 10th, Orlando at Will's Pub. All the tickets can be found at DeathSquad.TV.

Just click on Tour Dates. And just added, Santa Barbara, Velvet Jones, me, Ryan Sickler, and Sam Tripoli are going to be there August 16th, 7pm. Go there. And don't forget, if you want to find out all the information on everything, DeathSquad.tv is where to go, including our store, which has T-shirts, hoodies, hats, posters, stickers, everything. So check it out. And don't forget to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. All right.

Here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the road famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, volume two. Get up, Tony. It's good. Fuck yeah, everybody. Hi, everyone. Wow, how exciting. Holy moly, this is like a real thing going on.

I came in extra early today to test it out. I came in early last week, and you know what? I think I'm coming in early from now on. It's giving me a heart attack when I see you coming around. Hi, everybody. Look at this cool crowd we have. It's a bunch of pretty people, and these guys over here. See that, everybody? Jokes are already happening.

Wow. Fuck yeah. Comedians up top. Good to see you guys. This is fun. This is episode 59 of Kill Tony. Yes. 59.

59 episodes. Very, very fun. It's been a crazy week in comedy since I last saw you. Yeah. We've been going up a lot. We had a fun 4th of July weekend. Independence Day. Opie and Anthony, right?

Yeah, that's what I've been dealing with. I've just been glued to that the whole weekend. I'm a big fan of Opie and Anthony. I don't know if you guys heard all the shit that went down over the weekend. It's very interesting. Who doesn't know by round of applause? All right, so this amazing radio duo has a straight guy, Opie,

and the funny man, Anthony. Jim Norton's on the show also, a hilarious comedian. Classic competitor to Howard Stern and other comedy radio. Anyway, Anthony's taking a picture in Central Park, right? Yeah, he was in the middle on the streets, downtown New York. And he was taking pictures at like 3 in the morning. And a woman just dressed up in a miniskirt,

probably street meat, but who knows. He took a photo of her and she got pissed. And so she just charged him and started attacking him, punching him in the face. And then he tweeted that... He just tweeted a bunch of stuff. Some of it's considered racist to a lot of people,

including Sirius, who fired him. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's the crazy twist. Yeah. The show's canceled. Well, it's not canceled. They fired him. So now...

They own the show, so they can do anything they want with it. They can do whatever. I don't know. Wow, that's exciting. Yeah. Fuck can do whatever. I don't know. Wow, that's exciting. Yeah. Fuck yeah, everybody.

I think what I found interesting, I'm actually, I want to talk to our guests about this now that I think about it. So we'll bring this back up in a second. Okay. You know what I'm excited about? Comic-Con coming up at the end of July, everybody. Kill Tony live from San Diego's Comic-Con, everyone. So for those of you listening in San Diego, if you're a comic of any kind and you're interested in trying out a minute on Kill Tony at Comic-Con,

you will be able to sign up that night right before the show. Right. And what's cool is that there's a lot of clubs down in San Diego. You know, you've got the Comedy Store in La Jolla. You've got the American Comedy Club. You've got the one that's down the street. Mad House. Mad House.

And there's a huge community down there that doesn't really always mix with the L.A. people. So they might not know this show very well. So if there's people in L.A. that are going to be down there for Comic-Con, this is going to be an interesting change. It's going to be a fun mix because we had a blast when we were at the La Jolla Comedy Store for Kill Tony, which was crazy. But combining Comic-Con, San Diego, and this, I must say, it's an amazing show. So when we combine all those things, it's going to be a lot of fun.

And we're also going to have Thunder Pussy and a comedy show. But there's a new tour schedule for all the Death Squad shows at DeathSquad.TV now. So it has all the information there. So all that information. You know what we get to do now? Bring out our head of security for tonight's show, everybody. Listen to that light golf clap. We were able to – okay.

I guess Josh is just bringing – come on. We were able to... Okay, I guess Josh is just bringing... Come on. Josh Martin, everybody, the producer of the show, has the comedic timing of a fucking suicide bomber. Really just... What were you going to do? Run him out the whole way?

No, I didn't know he was following me. I was just going to pick the mic. Really? What did you think he was? Did you just think you were leaving him up in the green room in that suit? Yeah. So you were just going to strand him there. While you came in that suit? So you were just going to strand him there. While you came and fixed the mic, you were just going to leave this little...

I almost gave it away. Our patriot and head of security this week is the first ever Guatemalan patriot, everybody. It's Kenny Lyon, everyone. Suit it up. All right. It's the Dizzy Patriot, everybody. Obviously a very, he came in spinning around in circles, ponytail tucked in. This is your first time ever being the Patriot. Is that right, Kenny?

That is correct. Fuck yeah. Anything you want to say to the people? It's an honor to be here, protecting everyone. Just want to say something. Go right ahead. If anyone decides to get out of hand, I brought my lasers. Not only is he the Guatemalan patriot,

he's also the extremely stoned patriot. So I'm really glad that he's going to be daydreaming next to the stage, keeping us all safe. I love it. Kenny's one of the cooler, positive, very stoned, hippie, young comics on the scene. He actually, when he's not protecting us as the Guatemalan patriot, he actually

runs one of the goofiest open mics I've ever done in my entire life. I did it a few weeks ago just because he invited me and I like Kenny. He says, I'm doing an open mic at a pizza shack at Santa Monica in Highland. I go looking for this place and it's literally a little

tiny shack that only serves outdoor pizza and he's in the parking lot shack that only serves outdoor pizza. And he's in the parking lot of a plaza with two karaoke machines hooked up to one mic. So it's like surround sound in the parking lot of a pizza place. There was eight chairs set up and just in the, if I'm not mistaken, it's on a handicapped spot, correct? Yes, okay. And it was just unbelievable. I'm telling you, it's got the show, it's got the hipness and goofiness

to actually blow up. People thought I was kidding. I'm like, this show can be fucking huge in a few months if you keep doing it. How often do you do that show? This Friday. 7-Eleven. Pizza chat. You posted something a few weeks ago.

Do you do it every Friday? No, it's a once a month show. I think you should do it every Friday from now on so that maybe it can gain traction. Because once a month is not going to cut it. I'm sorry. You posted something a couple weeks ago or so, something famous about that parking lot. It was like in a movie or something like that it used to be an el pollo loco or it do you remember what it was yes red

band i was uh doing my daily my daily smoking weed and watching big lebowski you do that daily the big lebowski That's correct. Oh my god. It's filmed in that parking lot. I've seen. It's almost like maybe if you didn't smoke pot once, you'd remember what the Big Lebowski was like the next day. And you wouldn't have to re-watch it every day.

That I see. That's an interesting routine. Fuck yeah, most people brush their teeth. Kenny Lyon watches the Big Lebowski. Put your hands together for him. He's our patriot keeping us safe. I'm so excited about our two guests tonight, everybody. They are return guests. Both of them have been on an episode before

and they're two of my favorite people. Two of the funniest people out there. Two of my really good friends. Put your hands together for the great Eric Griffin and Moshe Kesher, everybody. Moshe Kesher, Eric. Moshe Kesher, Eric Griffin. It's going to be so much fun. Welcome back.

So good to have you guys. Oh, thanks. Two funny pals. What's happening? Moshe, you're all over my Netflix. Every time I log in, it's recommending me so hard. That's dope. You're all over my YouPorn right now. That's so fun with that.

Is that because he did a you porn? You would guys like me. I feel like you could. Joe Rogan calls me super twink. Super twink is just like a child, right? I think it's a boyish, bony looking... That's a regular twink. But a super twink is just like a nine-year-old boy.

I think so. That's sweet. Yeah. We'll have to check Urban Dictionary for that. You think that Urban Dictionary has a phrase for a sexualized nine-year-old boy? Probably. In the hood, you know how we fuck nine-year-old boys.

Super twink. And Eric, workaholics, and we just shot a fun sketch together uh last week nothing from these people it's all right no no all of you fuck all of you eric and i have this crazy problem when we're when we're near each other we just uh go off on we just start writing uh sketch videos that we never end up shooting i I know, and they're hilarious. But if our ideas were – if we ever made any of our ideas, we would be viral. So just putting that out there. You just got to take my word for it.

This is like a word tube. In six months, we're going to get it together. Just watch. He won't even have time. It will be called Kill Bob because he can't do this anymore. Who's the Bob? I don't know. It would be somebody. Bob Saget maybe. Bob this anymore. Who's the Bob? I don't know. It'll be somebody.

Bob Saget, maybe. Bob Saget's going to take over for Kill Tony? Yeah. It's like, I'm down on my luck, man. I guess what we need is, Eric, we need one of those people, like those court reporter types. Yeah, stenographer, just like right here. They're just continuously.

Well, I don't know why we wouldn't just use our phones and record. I don't want it to be archaic with our technology, but. Anyway, so Moshe. Tony. What do you think about the Guatemalan patriot? No offense, but isn't he like a crazy downgrade from the last dude when I was here?

Not spiritually, although mentally. Yeah, the costume, right? The costume is straight up. This is like underoos now compared to... You guys were both on the show when the actual first Iron Patriot was on. I mean, your lasers are straight up nightlights for where I want to take a

piss at two in the morning. It's actually all upgrades. He can now sit down. He can do a lot of things like jumping and running. What happened to the other dude? He went crazy. He was just an old model. He went crazy? The guy that had a $16,000 Iron Man suit? That guy went crazy?

That is so hard to believe. I don't think he finished the payments on that suit, actually. Fuck, yeah. Yeah, it is a bit of a downgrade. One could say from appearance alone, but the personalities, we rotate into New Patriot each week now. So we've gotten a vast array of different personalities and this and that. Not quite the structure that it once was. Kenny almost fills out that pajama top.

Kenny, do you use this as a credit when you go on the road? As seen in the underoos at the comedy store? I love sad Iron Man. It's almost like a frown instead of a... How do you get the helmet to frown? Fuck yeah. Well, I'm excited to have you guys

and comedians have signed up for the opportunity to do a minute. Oh yeah, Kenny, do you have any questions for our guests? How do I get booked? That's a good question. How did you get booked for this gig? I don't know, man. So my question is, the speaker is near your genital area?

Is that how that works? That is correct. This is crazy. That would be great. Someone's trying to blow you and you're just like harder. And it's right there. A little bit more to the left. This Iron Man suit is like if Tony Stark was on government assistance. harder. It's right there. A little bit more to the left.

This Iron Man suit is like if Tony Stark was on Government Assistance. That is. It's all Amazon Prime. Oh, that's a great new show. Project Iron Man. Tony Stark, one of the featured thousandaires of the United States. We need to start someplace. So, how do you get booked is your question?

That is correct. For what? For real shows. Oh, wait a second. Hey, hold on a second here. Shot fired, Tony. Son of a bitch. That's exactly what the first Patriot did.

This is streaming live. He used this as a launching pad. And that guy went from 4,000 Twitter followers to almost 2,000. To Bellevue. He's in Bellevue now. That's a mental hospital in New York, guys. Am I going to get more Twitter followers from this? Is that what's promised?

Yeah. Tony has a Twitter promise. I get water and like two or three hundred more or just actually two or three? I guarantee one. It's Iron Man. Fuck yeah. So you guys know how it works. You guys have both been on, so you know the deal.

Comedians and new people. Comedians come on and do a minute of stage time. Then we talk to them about life and their comedy and what they look like. At the end of the minute, you know your minute's up when you hear the sound of a kitty. You can barely hear it. It's such a tiny little baby kitty. Do you guys hear it? It sounds like this.

Okay. I see what's happening here. Is that like a super twink? That's like a female super twink. And then you know you gotta wrap it up when you hear that cat. It's a lesson for all of comedy. You can't run the light or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then you're going to bring out Diplo right at the end.

Right. That sounds like a 1989 sound effect from a rap song. Whoomp, there it is. Fuck yeah. So you don't want to bring out that bear. And our podcast listeners who complain every week that the bear is too loud and they had to rip their headphones out. Really? You don't want to make them mad.

There's a thing because it's loud. Here's a funny thing. As the listener, you should also learn the thing. If you hear the little cute kitten, you're like, maybe I should turn down my little volume a little or unplug my little It's a lot of work to listen to this podcast. It's a real tactile experience.

Change your tampon? I'm going for a jog, but I'm going to turn my volume down. So, fuck yeah. Don't run the light, people. You guys ready? Episode 59 of Kill Tony. I'm so excited. I'm so excited because

I know we love comedy. Your first comedian tonight. Oh, this is an interesting one. She's known for at times going into depressing subject. And sometimes when keeping it real goes wrong. Sarah talks about real life stuff sometimes that scares the hell out of people. But she's back, and her name is Sarah Kenny, everybody. Oh, shit.

Wow, Sarah missed her spot. So that means she just got Kenny blacklisted. Fuck that hole. There you go. Well, he just had his moment, huh? He got a laugh. And, Kenny, that is how you get booked. Exactly.

That's one of the best, that's one of the fun traditions of the Patriot is they all have a different sound effect. It used to be pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, but obviously it's evolved into fuck that hoe. Your next comedian is David Neeker. It is! Woo!

Soccer like a soccer, like a soccer, like a soccer. Woo! Soccer like a soccer. Thank you so much. Throw it to the ground. Thank you. Is it working? There it is.

Is it working? David Neiker. I went to Salt Lake City not too long ago, and I went to visit the Mormon temple. They don't let you into the temple, but they let you into this congregational building. We walked in. Over every doorway, there's a six-pointed star.

I'm Jewish. My name's David. That's my star. So I said to the Mormon lady, hey, what's going on with the six-pointed star? She said, oh, that's the star of Jubilee. Hey, you can't just put Belie on the end of it and pretend we're not going to notice.

What's she going to do next, show me a Muslim flag? Oh, that's the Mormon flag of Allah you guys are terrific that was it 52 seconds of thunder and lightning David Meeker that's cool you did exactly a minute so you planned out that part where the mic didn't work for the first ten seconds.

That's good timing. They say comedy is timing. That was great. I thought I heard the kitty. Heck yeah. What? I thought I heard the kitty. Oh, first of all, hearing a man of your size say the word kitty is entertaining as fuck.

It's adorable. I thought I heard the kitty. You can see David. He's got quite the build. Something very professional wrestler-esque almost. Yeah, you don't look like you visited Salt Lake. You look like you founded it. Oh, fuck yeah.

Definitely a lot of salt in that diet. Sodium! Fuck yeah, David. That was the chroma genes. I thought that was a good setup. You got me on the second one with the Muhammad. I laughed. Did you really go to Salt Lake City?

Yeah. What else did you see there? What's that place like? It's sort of crazy. Everybody sort of dressed like JCPenney catalog. Khakis, plaid shirt tucked in, hair parted on the side. What were you doing there? Scaring people?

Yeah. Salt Lake City Comedy Carnival, which was a festival that I got selected to do. It was a lot of fun, actually. You definitely look like the kind of person that would work at a festival. I don't know if a comedy festival is the festival that you look like you would be at. Like the parking lot of a jam band concert is what you're saying. Yeah, or like, hey, step right up to the crazy five-minute freak show of death. We got an alligator lady and all that stuff.

I like how the top is different from the bottom. It feels like you're missing a Russian hat or something to finish that off. Yeah, I am Russian. Oh, well, see? Oh, wow. Look at me. Oh, yeah. I like your look, man.

I do. It's cool. I always say that. It's just how I look. No, but I always say that to somebody that's twice my size with a beard that terrifying. I think you're a great looking,

you're a great guy. It's just how I look. And I just look like this. Well, you didn't always look like that. Well, you didn't always look like that. Well, I didn't always have the beard. Right. The beard is lovely. It is truly,

it seems like it's rough. Tony can't grow any hair yet. That's true. I only grow it on one side of my face. He's really jealous. I only grow hair on one side of my face. You bet he was good to me, but it's not like it's an accomplishment.

I will give you a note on your comedy. I feel like you're more confident now and engaging now than you were in the joke. I feel like you should be twice as engaging when you're performing as when you're in the middle of a conversation. You know what I'm saying? I felt like when you told me that the do-believe thing,

I almost didn't hear you. I felt like I was taking too much time. I think I felt a little rushed there. This is a tough situation. For everybody else that's about to come up, try to get that nervousness out of the way before you get up here. You took the bullet.

The mic didn't work, but you still got us to laugh. So just in the future. I like the punchline too. I don't know thought that was funny. Come with it. For everybody else that's coming up, if you're nervous,

don't fucking bring that bullshit to the stage. You know what I mean? We can't deal with your fucking nerves up here. It's do or die, you piece of shit. So just chill out and have a good time. Careers have been made on Kill Tony. How were the audiences in Salt Lake City? What was that like?

It was pretty good. I guess it was sort of an alternative comedy festival. It wasn't the, like, I was talking about the local club, which I think is called Wise Guys. And for the local club, you have to be able to do an hour of G-rated, like, nine-year-olds in the audience material. Oh, yeah, super twink material. So this was sort of the alternative, a festival

set up for the alternative to that. And it was just regular funny comedy. It was a good time. You know who he reminds me of? Remember that toy that had the magnet? He had like a big red nose and he had the magnet and he made the beard? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.

You have a good look. Are you like a motorcycle person? I actually am. Yeah. But I haven't ridden in a while. I got in an accident. I've been staying off for a while. All right, look.

Don't bring your pitties. I just want to point out that we're dressed the same. What the fuck's going on? Oh, yeah. Do you ride a motorcycle? Yeah, we're like the dance crew right here. What does that mean? Next guy.

You look like more the kind of guy that would ride in a sidecar of a motorcycle. But a really little one. The co-pilot. With super twink driving, right? Fuck yeah. You guys both wear shirts that easily hide spilled ketchup. And look like you eat french fries quite a bit. I do.

That's a lucky break. Every shirt I have has a stain on it. Do you have that problem? It just gets probably trapped in the beard. It's with the beards. Yeah, it's just like a little built-in bib. It's my food catcher. All right, David.

Awesome. Thanks, David. Thank you so much. Fun times. Thank you. Salt Lake City. Sarah Kenny just moved to the front seat after somebody tell you that you were blacklisted?

You weren't just blacklisted. Word travel. You were blacklisted with extreme prejudice. Yeah. There was misogyny involved. Iron Man got real hood at the end. I made three stops to find his hands up. Oh, that is...

Is that true? In honor of... Oh, God. In honor of Eric's shirt... Talk about a stain. Come on up and do a minute, but in honor of you being on your period, you're only going to get

40 seconds instead of one minute. No, I'm kidding. Go ahead. Sarah Kenny on her period, everybody. Fuck yeah. From rags to riches. She's back on the show. She's been red-listed, everybody. Come on, I can do this. Sarah Kenny, everybody.

I'm sorry, Sarah Kenny. She's just looking for spotting. We decided to have an intervention for this friend of mine. And I was pretty nervous because I never did anything like that before. But it didn't go at all how we planned. She ended up convincing all of us to try Coke. And I guess what I learned is that interventions are pretty fun. And I would probably do another one, given the opportunity.

I was at a coffee shop and the guy next to me asked if I'd keep an eye on his laptop while he went to the bathroom. I guess he thought I looked honest. But then I had to mess with him a little bit. While he was in there, I got on his computer and I updated his web browser. And when he got back, he had no idea

how safely he was using the internet. You guys can probably tell from my accent that I'm vegan. I'm not super strict, though. Sometimes I'll let myself have a little kitten. There you go. There's the cue. She nailed it.

Speaking of timing, that was okay. She brought it. Sarah Kenny, everybody. Even fitting in a kitty at the end. Wow. You should do more stand-up when you're iron deficient. Don't say that around Iron Man over there. He'll scream fuck that hoe again.

Oh, shit. Some kind of shimmy from the Patriots. Some kind of very awkward shimmy. Sarah, that was so fun. What was the beginning part about again? The intervention. Oh yeah, that's funny. I didn't see that coming. There's probably more

to add on to that with the fact that I just felt like you were already in and there's your friend's probably going to die. Yeah, but we all had a good time. Right.

It wasn't real. Well, I can appreciate what you're trying to do with your material. It's kind of alt-ish, like misdirection type of thing. There we go. No, I'm just... I appreciate that, but I just think that I know you only do it in a minute,

but that first one could have gone a little longer. You could have embellished on that a little bit more. But I like your direction that you're going in. I see what you're trying to do. But sell it. Believe it. Don't make it... It kind of felt like you were just like, you know, right? Right?

Part of the it. Don't make it... It kind of felt like you were just like, you know, right? You know, and it's like... Part of the alt thing would be to like, you really believe what you're about to say. And that's what makes it funny. When you say, like, you really went to an intervention. It has to come across like that. So it's like, performance is important. So just keep that in mind. That's what I think

about it. Yeah, no, I actually agree. I thought that the first punchline was funny. It was a good, it's a one-liner. And then the second thing, it wanted an act out of you acting like you were on Coke, saying some Coke shit, or just dropping it and just doing a one-liner. Go one way or the other.

Well, what you were trying to do is say, I love cocaine, I'm addicted to it, I want to do it. It's really fun. But what you said was like, I think I'll try it again. And like I wanted, you know what I mean?

The second joke, I didn't actually understand and maybe that's my fault because everybody laughed. The laptop? Yeah, I didn't get it. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Well, at first, I had a version of that joke where I like actually fucked with something on his computer in a bad way. But then I thought, what if I just updated the safety features? See, that's what I'm saying. That's like a performance thing.

That's like a very alt-y, like, hey, you know what I mean? And I was with her on that. She just didn't sell it. Interesting. Maybe I'm – I must be wrong because everybody laughed. But I think it would have been better for you to say – updated the browser to me doesn't say i downloaded norton antivirus software or you know what i mean yeah i know i mean it's just it's a maybe i'm wrong i i get that it's a misdirection you're gonna mess with somebody's computer you mess with it to go to a porno side

no i fixed it that was the joke the joke was that she didn't go the mainstream way that's the joke of it yeah maybe this is how i feel about alternate comedy anyway this is like how i feel about alternate comedy anyway. This is how I feel when I'm listening to it too. I go, what the fuck was that? Why is that funny to people?

But I get it. That's what I'm saying. Why is that guy's career going better than mine? It's complicated. Most of them aren't though. I would never say that. No, I can speak to it too.

We've been having this argument since the day we met basically. Which is that club comedy is as bad as alternative comedy. Bad comedy is bad comedy. Good comedy is good comedy. It doesn't matter what package it's in. I mean, there's shitty comics that are at the Laugh Factory, and there's terrible comics that are at Meltdown,

and it's all just the same. I agree completely. I agree as well. But what I'm telling you is that she was trying to be alt-y and didn't sell it well enough. Right. That has to do with your persona. You have to really be like – it's like Stephen Wright or something. He just says things in a monotone way, but you got where he was coming from.

I didn't get where you were coming from. You wanted that to just be funny on its own, and I fixed his computer, and we're supposed to go, oh, I got it. You didn't do that, but I get where you're supposed to go, oh, I got it. You didn't do that. But I get where you're going with it and keep working on it. Okay, my opinion is that specificity is funny. The more specific the more funny it is. And so how safely he was browsing isn't as specific as

he had no idea that he now has 64 gigabytes of clean RAM or whatever thing that is specific. Yeah, put some details. I gotcha. I'm a computer nerd. I can do that. Yeah, I like that. You clear just cache and, you know.

But it's funny you said that about the porn because the first time I told that joke, that's what I said. Well, I'm a mainstream porn. That I navigated to a porn site and cranked up the volume. And I respect that. And I got new laughs. I go for the easy laughs. No, I think that's a good instinct, actually, is to take your material and say, okay, well, what's an even more interesting twist that I can put on this than the thing that

somebody's thinking? Yeah. And I'm saying, you could have done that if you didn't. You just didn't sell it well enough and I agree with him. Some specifics really set that off. But you're going in the right direction. I give her an endorsement. Fuck yeah. The style of Sarah Kenny, everybody.

She's on Twitter at SKenny, everybody. She's on Twitter at SKennyComedy. She's on period at right now. Fuck yeah. Just letting it all flow. Sarah Kenny. Very exciting. Kenny,

you're Guatemalan. Have you ever been with a girl while she was on her period? No, but I have taken a girl's virginity. It's a blood joke, guys, is what he's trying to do. The blood for blood thing. I would have gone salsa, you know, since he's from... Okay, I would like that, yeah. All right, nobody got that one.

I think they got it, they didn't want it, you know? It's so gross. All right, nobody got that one. I think they got it, they didn't want it. It's so gross. All right, let's move on. Because it's chunky. Yeah, exactly. I didn't want to say the word chunky. I'm glad you did, though. Do you guys remember if when you were on last,

did I ever ask you if there was something that you did when you first started comedy that you regret or that you're embarrassed about? Did I ask you that? I started asking that around episode 30-something. I don't know. I remember my first... I think one of my first... My first joke I ever wrote was about having a big nose.

But I remember doing this other joke about Superman. And I see... I'm sure half the comics in here probably had the same joke. It's like, I have my glasses, so I'd be like, you know, Clark Kent. Look at me. I'm Clark Kent. Now I'm Superman. Put my glasses back on. I'm Clark Kent, you know, Clark Kent, you know, look at me. I'm Clark Kent. Now I'm Superman, you know. Put my glasses back on. I'm Clark Kent again, you know.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I was. That is embarrassing. Yeah, when I look back on it now, I'm like, ah, you know. There's certain topics. You know what? I tell you, in this day and age, the internet, especially Twitter, makes topics hacky fast. You know, it just makes it like, okay, you can't talk about that anymore because everybody's talking about it.

So, you know, you just got to be aware of that kind of like, you know, you just got to be aware of stuff. There's certain topics you just never can talk about. Like, I don't want to hear anyone ever talking about the side effects of medication. Like, that's one of those that, like, if you have a joke like that, go kill yourself right now. Don't ever do that joke on stage ever. So, tear that out of your book because that's just one of those ones that you just go, all right, that's done. No one's ever going that joke on stage, ever. Tear that out of your book, because that's just one of those ones that you just go, alright, that's done. No one's ever going to talk about that.

Like strip club voice, that kind of thing. Oh, that drives me crazy. Have you ever read Andy Kindler's Hack Handbook? Oh, I've got to get that. It's online. Anybody can read it. It's Andy Kindler's The Hacks Handbook. You read it, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then invariably you get something you do. You're like, fuck you, Annie Kindler. Suck my dick. You don't know shit. You fucking hack. Yeah. This is hack. This whole hack thing.

Hack is hack. So, you know. I used to do a thing where I would act super hip hop on stage. And I thought that my look kind of belied you know it was a because I grew up sort of you know I was an African American teenager and so then alright and then

I had the opposite of an identity crisis I figured out I was white but then I like weirdly psychologically brought it back to armor myself with it when I started comedy so I would do this thing where I looked like kind of a geek, but I was doing this kind of hip-hop

slang stuff. And I now realize it was mostly a defense mechanism. It was mostly like, well, let me put a thing between my personality and the audience so that nobody can get to me or whatever. But these days, it's just like, I'm feeling it. You know what I mean?

I see what happened there. But now you can's just like, I'm feeling it. You know what I mean? I see what happened there. But now you could do that at an alt show and it would be like, oh, he's doing a hip hop character. And it would be okay. We get away with murder, man. In this comfortable environment. I love it.

I know some people still that actually and I won't name any names, but I know some people that have gotten successful, and they blatantly have that shield, and now they have to stick with it, you know? Like they got success while being a hip-hoppy white guy who's not really like that offstage. He's not like, yo, what up, man?

But he sort of is onstage. And now he's stuck doing that forever, and it's not even him that's going to suck. No, I tell you what's not cute is a 35-year-old comedian like trying to act hip-hop. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still at it. What's up, what's up?

Beastie Boys. Everybody's like, no, you're two decades too late. What are you talking about, Moshe? What are you talking about, boy? Where are the ladies at? Where are my Public Enemy fans at? Oh, they don't exist anymore. First of all, this is the whitest shit ever.

Well, that's the point. Is this your hip-hop? Because this is some corny-ass white bullshit. That's the point. That's the joke we This is some corny ass white bullshit. That's the point. That's the joke we were making. No, because white people... We're getting saved by the bell. Yeah, that was the exact thing we were doing. Hey, where's all my

black homies at? It's like that. I doubled up on that one. That was overkill. I said black and homies. I went way over the top. Isn't that what Anthony tweeted? Yeah, same shit. Because apparently only a white guy can assault you on the street and you can talk about it.

Because if somebody else of color attacks you on the street and you tweet about it, you're a racist. So I think that's dumb. just to go back to that issue. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. I see. But he then called black people animals. I think that was more the problem people had with it. I think he was calling that woman an animal.

He said these people, so he couldn't have been talking, unless he had a weird psychedelic experience where she became a group. I think people are nitpicking the guy's words. It's true. If you had to ask him, I think, you know, when you're upset and you say these people, you don't mean all people. What he was referring to is that

that woman was there and then some other black guys sat around and watched him instead of helping him. But then he said we've really come a long way from the civil rights movement. Look, I'm not saying he should have been fired. I'm just saying it wasn't like... What are you saying, Moshe?

I'm just saying it wasn't like he was being like, oh, it could have been interpreted as a racist. It was definitely racist. But... If you were listening to the whole backstory of it, I think everyone knows what kind of racist he is. He's very jokingly about it

and he's not very serious about it. He's talking about certain issues in New York that's going on with violence in the black community. I don't think he was trying to be funny. I think that it's hard. I'll tell you because

I used to get beat up by black people. Here we go. Hard, I'll tell you, because I mean, I used to get beat up by black people. And I'll tell you, it is really hard. That's as shocking as the guy with the Iron Man costume going crazy. It's really hard to not seem racist after you got beat up by a black guy. That's my point. That's how I feel about it. It is.

What are you supposed to say? Okay, I hear you, and everybody has their own response to anger, and you never are pretty when you're angry. But if a white dude beat you up, it's not very difficult for you to not be racist towards white people. I would say that he was an animal. Right, that's my point.

He could have said the exact same thing. These people, then you would refer to, you'd have been like, well, does he mean street people or people on the street? Like, if they were all white, he could have used the exact same wording. That's my point. So because he didn't use the, you know, because it was people of color, then all of a sudden it becomes racist.

And it's like, I find that nonsense. Man, what do you know about this issue? Anyway, back to me and my opinions on the black community. I'm just telling you. He's doing his character right now. See, that was the hip-hop persona. Is that more genuine?

Awesome, thank you very much. That means a lot to me. I've never even thought of savages as a negative or a racist term. Especially when you work with people, I call people savages as an awesome thing. You could be an awesome lovemaker and they'd say, he's a savage.

Yeah, but context is absolutely everything. Yeah, if I saw you do a kickflip and I was like, dog, you're a savage, that would feel very different than if I ran up to a group of black dudes in South Central and was like, what's up you bunch of savages? How about getting beat up? Hey, he must think I'm dope. How does he know I skateboard?

If a white guy did the exact same thing and you called him, wouldn and you called him a savage also? But don't you know that there's a historical context for the term savage? A lot of people don't know that. I did. I had no idea. I learned it. I don't know if you're thinking about historical context when you're getting your ass beat by a hooker.

But he wasn't. He had time. And I'm telling you. Look, I don't want to go on the record because I don't think anybody should get fired for things that they say. Especially a shock jock who's known for being shocking. Yeah, it's like fuck them for thinking. All especially a shock jock who's known for being shocking. Yeah, it's like fuck them for thinking all of a sudden now being like, hey, this guy. All right.

I found a link to the tweet so we can read them and then we can maybe we can we can decide if they sound racist or just like a guy going through a process talking about how cool Savage is where he was hanging out with. Before we hit the tweets, I just want to say that Kill Tony supports all black people and Anthony Cumia from the O.B. and Anthony show. This message brought to you by El Pollo Loco, bringing the heat one Serrano pepper at a time. Sponsorship, huh? Wow. That's when you know your podcast has made it. Speaking of black people, we're sponsored by chicken. We support everybody. Thanks, Tony. That was real smooth.

Speaking of the savages. Because it gets crazy at El Pollo Loco. This is interesting. This is interesting how every tweet is like, to me, and I'm a liberal, I know that I know who I am. I know that I always am more likely to...

Jew. I'm a Jew. You're the one that did a joke about your big nose. You might be Jewish too. But it is weirdly almost totally racist and then back off every single tweet. Should I read them all?

Yes. Mind you, he just got punched in the face and didn't punch back. Right, okay. And he had a gun on him. Well, because if he would have punched the girl back, it would have been all about that after that. It would have been like, you hit a girl. Oh, and you're racist. And it's like, oh, my God.

What are you supposed to do? There's some stuff where black stuff doesn't really come up. He calls her a cunt and a dirty, filthy pig. And then he says, she punched me five more times. She's lucky I was a white legal gun owner or she'd be dead. Then five... Okay. Then five blacks

started giving me shit. I told them to back the fuck off. This wasn't their show. The cunt punched me again. Seems white boys don't hit back. Lucky savage. I wish a cop was around. Oh, blah, blah, blah. They aren't people. That's one tweet. They aren't people. I'm fucking... Wait, wait, wait. These aren't people. That's one tweet. They aren't people. Wait, wait, wait.

These aren't people are not connected to anything. It could be a bunch of white people again. But you're looking into this because the person's black. Well, he has brought up her race multiple times in this Twitter thing already. And the race of the other people. So I'm just saying there's no way he didn't know maybe this could be conflated to me talking about the rape. What was the tweet before they aren't people? Wish a cop was around, although she said she'd tell them I sexually harassed her.

Lying cunt. I hope she gets shot in her ass fuck face. Ugh. Ah. Getting a good laugh. That's at least, that's important. This is not only a person that's beating him up, but also saying if he calls the police, he'll say that he tried to rape her. Nobody thinks she's awesome.

Nobody's like, she's a great person. But you're defending really, really... No, I'm not. No, he's not defending it. I'm not defending anything. He's vague racism at best. Okay, well, let's keep going. Very liberal media right now. There isn't a media. There's just what he said.

No, you're being the liberal media right now. No, I'm not saying anything. I'm just reading it and listening to what people think here. If she had said this black bitch hit me, all black people in the world are animals. That's why it would be bad. Okay. All right.

Then they aren't people. I'm fucking livid. If I was an illegal savage, I'd have shot her. The violence in her was so predictable. I hope she gets killed. It's a jungle out in our cities after midnight. Violent savages own the streets. They all come to defend this pig.

I had to yell at them like dogs. Did you get any photos of her? Yup. Animal, pig, cunt, fuck, bitch. Why'd you get hit for no reason? Reason? I was white. Savage, violent animals prey on white people.

Easy target. This cunt had no clue how lucky she was. She belittled... She belted me ten times. I had a gun. Animal. The cunt kept walking into my arm. I hope a homeboy beats her to death.

No, an animal bitch used its instinctual violence on me. We just lost El Pollo Loco. I just got the text from El Pollo Loco. That's what I have them in my phone as. Okay, so the last two tweets. The last two tweets. The switch to violence is immediate. No discussion, just violence.

When will that be addressed? Oh, right, never. Slavery did it. Oh, okay. There's a deep-seated problem with violence in the black community. To try to address it, you'll be exiled to Racistville, but it's real. Peace out, y'all. He didn't say the last part.

I don't know. I don't know. I think... See, I... If you've listened to the show, you've heard all this before. This is about a thousand episodes before. Sirius Radio had no problem giving him a check for

saying the exact same shit on radio. And we talked about this today on the Joe Rogan Podcast. He's the one that brought that point up. But if you were to take all his tweets, sit him down in front of a microphone, and he would have said it the exact same way he's done it every single time before, he would still have a job. There would be no problem about this, because how

he is explaining it sounds horrible in 140 characters. You know what's interesting also is that had it been a guy, he would have fought back and he would have had an outlet and that outlet is... Oh, and he wouldn't have tweeted it, you're saying? Right, exactly. That's interesting. No, I mean had it been a guy, they would have fought and

he would have had an outlet for it. When you get... Well, he probably would have pulled out his gun and that would have been another situation for it. When you get him... Well, he probably would have pulled out his gun, and then that would have been another situation. Right, exactly. It's interesting, though, because white guys have got to pull out a gun on black people. I think either way, he still has his job. We already have a precedent for that.

I think that Twitter is used at times nowadays as a device to let your anger out and get comfort from the people. Yeah, white people, just don't... I'm not saying don't be racist. Just don't do it on media so that everybody can see you do it.

Why do people... No, no, but that's his job. I hear you, but it's not... But what I'm saying is this. Him being a racist on the radio and being a racist as a person and him being mad at this, what happened to him,

they're not mutually exclusive. You can say it. Say the N-word. No, I'm... I don't give a fuck. It's not mutually exclusive. You can say it. Say the N-word. I don't give a fuck. It's not mutually exclusive. What I'm saying is his track record of being a racist, because he probably has a little bit of that in him.

After you read the tweets, I was like, well, yeah, he's a veil racist a little bit. It's okay. We live in a country where if you don't like people, you can express that. But at the same time, what happened to him is also not okay. And if he could be angry about that all he wants. And he could say the things he said all he wants because that's how he felt about it.

And if you take away the language of savage and jungle and all that stuff and you put in smarter, alt-y words, the message is still clear. There's problems with violence on the street. There's problems in low-income communities. All these kind of topics. If you want to wrap it up and make it sound nice, fine. But it is what it is. We just got El Pollo Loco back.

El Pollo Loco. Damn, I need some chicken right now. El Pollo Loco, if you want to make it sound nice, come have some chicken. We are bringing the heat. Wow, that was a racist little... Oh, I am an avowed racist. Oh, did I not make that clear?

I'm just also very sensitive to it on social media. All right, sorry. Let's get some more comics up here. Speaking of races, there's many different races. This just got crushingly unfunny. People, I picked the next name, and it's Cheryl Luder.

Cheryl Luder. Cheryl Luder. I'm excited. I'm excited. What's up, you guys? I have been unemployed so long. I have given up looking for jobs and started looking for dates.

You know, just so I can see what it feels like to work again. An unemployed woman is actually the perfect date. You know, she has low expectations and high appreciation. Dinner and a movie, and I feel totally spoiled. All that food and shelter. It's awesome. Sometimes, though, I don't feel like I'm on a date with a guy. I feel more like I'm on a play date with his penis.

You know, you have to keep it constantly entertained. You're always cleaning up after it. And you just hope and pray that it goes down for a nap when you want it to. Quickly, while we're on the subject, some advice. Blowjobs, it's time to have a new word. Like, it has the word job in it. When you're making 76 cents on the dollar, the last thing you want to do is go back to work again, okay?

It's 2014, get some creative marketing. You'll be getting more head than you knew what to do with if you just called it anti-aging throat moisturizer. So close. Fucking buried a cow during that. Did you hear that? Wait, what was it? Anti-aging? Anti-aging throat moisturizer.

Oh, okay. Get on board. The blowjob joke is probably the oldest joke that everyone's ever done before ever taking the job part out of it and going, oh, it's a job making a job joke. I've heard two comics that have that same joke. You've had two comics?

I've had both of them. Message received. I will say this. I think that what you're trying to do, like, I get it. No, no. For real.

It's like an alternate thing. No, for real. What you didn't do is you didn't sell it. You know, like, you don't believe the things that you're saying. You didn't put anything behind it. I get that you wanted to come up and the joke is,

I don't have a job, so I'm going to start dating. So that's a layered joke. That's about women don't have to work, we just need a man. That was the point of that, right? No. Then my point is this,

then you really haven't expressed what you're trying to say. And it's hard because in this environment, after we just is this, then you really haven't expressed what you're trying to say. And it's hard because in this environment, after we just had this heated discussion about racism, then you gotta come up and be bubbly.

Right. You know what I mean? And your accent was so strongly white that it felt like you were being more racist than Anthony. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. The first few syllables are like, I think that's racist. Are you doing a bit right now? Because we just discussed this problem in society So I just think that if you figure out who you are and if you can come up and just do that

Well, it's hard It's the hardest thing to do If everybody could do stand-up comedy There's only like 2 or 3% of all the comics in the world that are probably actually working. The rest of them are like, you know, tragic open micers, you know what I mean? Trapped in an Iron Man costume. You know what I mean?

So this is – it's not for everyone, you know. This is like playing the piano. You have to practice every single day. You know, it's an art form that you have to really practice. So I wouldn't go away from what you're trying to do, but you need to express what you're trying to do. Then what was the point of that joke? If you're saying, I don't have a job, so I'm going to start dating,

what was the point of that then? To you. How long have you been doing stand-up? Can she answer that? Almost three years. Almost three years? How often do you do spots? Spots at open mic shows. Any of it. I go up at least three times a week. How often do you do spots? Oh, talking to the mic.

Any of it. I go up at least three times a week. For three years? Pretty steadily? I had a chunk of time out of there that was not steady at all. Huh. I still want to know what the point of that joke was. In your opinion. I just have a lot of free time and I'm depressed.

I need to have my mood elevated. You guys can all learn from something right here. Most of you don't know what your jokes are about. How can you come on stage and say something and you don't know what the point is? Because check it out. How the fuck are we supposed to know the point of your joke if you don't even know the point of your joke?

Was the sound effect really necessary right there? I'm just saying, like, that's really, like, I think, and that goes for professionals. That goes for professional people. Most people don't know what their jokes are about. They think because they say words that that's what the joke's about. Especially buzzwords like rape or racism or something. They go, well, that's a rape joke. No, probably not. It's probably

about a monkey that did whatever. I don't know. I'm just saying, if you don't know what your joke's about, then what are you saying it for? You're so right, too. We have this all the time that happens where people come up and you're really like, wait, they're just kind of talking about something vaguely. There's no wrap around.

There's no story to it that actually gets to a point that we go, oh. It's just kind of like babbling. Words are visual. You don't have to say a lot of words. Just know what you're talking about. You can bring images to people's face. If I say the words bloody stool, you know, I mean, that's a clear visual is in your head.

Yeah, it's a British dude describing a chair. Alternative. What do you mean? You're so alty. I'm sorry, I should be a mainstream comic and just fuck the stool. At least people would be laughing.

You guys are out of... This is the funniest fucking comedy show. We, we've literally been having this conversation our whole friendship. This is our fifth podcast talking about the difference.

Especially since, in my opinion, as a guy that knows both of you, I look at both of you like right in the middle of both of those things. I mean, I think that...

So it's funny... I don't know what you're saying. It's funny for me to see you guys both like... Wait, can I just say this? You know, what people think alternate comedy now, it's not really what it is anymore. It's funny for me to see you guys both like... Wait, can I just say this? What people think alternate comedy now,

it's not really what it is anymore. I have a new definition of this. Well, I'm glad you're here. I'll let my people know. It's really about intelligence. It's really about the use of vocabulary. It's really about... A lot of the people are very educated. They've had college degrees.

They are professional writers. And that is expressed in their material and how they perform their material. And that's really what it's turned into now. I mean, the nerds have hijacked that. And I don't think it's a bad thing, you know, because people come up and, you know, a lot of people started comedy. They didn't go to college. They think, oh, I'm going to make it now. I don't need to get educated.

And, you know, the people that are educated, they're the ones running the business. So it doesn't mean. Yeah, again, I got to disagree with you. I mean like Dennis Miller is the most verbose. Yeah, but that was like – you're talking about 30 years ago now? I'm talking about people. I'm talking about right now. It's just a vocabulary thing?

No, no, no. I'm saying that's just part of it. I'm just saying having a rich vocabulary, being educated, being well-read. I think all those things, the good alternative comedics now, that's part of what they have. The truth is there's no such thing as alternative comedy or mainstream comedy. There's just comedy.

Some of it looks... That's the hacky answer. But you're the hack. You're the mainstream hack. It's such a mainstream answer. You're the mainstream guy. Can we all just get along? What are you going to... It's such a mainstream answer. Yeah. You're the mainstream guy. That's like,

can we all just get along? What are you, the Rodney King of fucking... But it's the truth. It's like Rick Glassman pretty much only does clubs and if somebody looked at him who didn't know him out of context,

they'd be like, look at this alt comic here. Oh, he's super alt-y. But all he does is clubs, so what does that mean? I mean, there is something, there is abstract comedy,

which I think is true. Like Rick Glassman does it, Brent Weinbach, Reggie Watts. These are people that do weird comedy, which is a whole different thing. Because there's nothing weird about what Patton Oswalt does. It's pretty much just comedy.

But again, you're mentioning people that started the movement as opposed to what I'm saying is happening now. I totally have to pee. No, no, no, no, no. Stay right where you are. We're still in the middle

of discussing your bit. I'm just kidding. You inspired this discussion. She has to pee. No, no, no, no, no. Stay right where you are. We're still in the middle of discussing your bit. You have to pee? No, I'm just kidding. You inspired this discussion. She has to pee. Just keep at it. Let's do another one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is she going to do if she ever has a seven minute spot? Pee ahead of time and get a tampon. Oh, callback. I'm surprised she has to pee since she just shit on stage.

Hello! Man. Sorry, but she wasn't in the room to hear that, so it doesn't matter. Can I have your water? Is this live? Are people actually listening? Not right now. This one's going through quite the editing process.

No, I'm kidding. Let's do another one. Your next comedian goes by the name Frankie Wayne. quite the editing process. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Let's do another one. Your next comedian goes by the name Frankie Wayne. Whoa. Was that Master of Puppets into Mega Man?

Frankie, you just got blacklisted. Oh, that sucks. I mean, people are signing up and not staying around. That's some Hollywood shit. No, that sucks. I mean, people are signing up and not staying around. That's some Hollywood shit. No, because everybody that signed up tonight was an alternative comic, and they're afraid of you now.

No, Frankie's on his period. Yeah! Call back! Come on. Who's with me? Kenny, what do you got? Frankie Wayne just got blacklisted. Fuck that faggot.

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. Come onaggot. Oh, Jesus. Come on, man. I'm just waiting for the N-bomb. Please send an N-bomb. Kenny, that's not how you book things. That is not how you get booked. Come on, Kenny.

Actually, wait. If we're doing a comedy discussion, I think faggot is a great example of a word. This is very interesting. When I started comedy, faggot was a word that could get you a laugh almost automatically. It was like a comedy buzzword. You'd say it, especially in alternative rooms. It would get a laugh. If it was done ironically, people would go, ha, ha, ha.

And then slowly over time, I started to notice that the world evolved. It has nothing to do with comedy, to where it was an unacceptable word. And you could feel the shift. I always say it was good for the world, bad for comedy. Because I've excised that word from my act altogether. And for good reason. I think the world is a better place for it. But I think that's an interesting example.

That word doesn't work on stage anymore. Ho, unfortunately, still does. Eyes on the prize. But it works in my head, but there's no way he could tell that my head's laughing. Your throat moisturizer is laughing. When I heard it, I laughed

still, just because he said it and how he said it. Everything's context. He had a ridiculous outfit on in a ridiculous environment, and he said that. We laugh. I don't think anything's off limits. No, it's not off limits. A master comedian can say whatever they want at any time. I'm just saying

in general there are certain words that have a lot more power than other words on stage. I agree. And that has become one of them since I started doing comedy. I think because we all people talk about these kind of things and they're in the black and white and comedy's in the gray area. And that's political correctness. It's not in the gray area.

It's either this or that. And I think that's what's wrong with society when they watch comedy. But what's right with black sheep? You can get with this. You can get with that. Nothing. Thank you.

An applause break, but not one laugh. That's amazing. That's a new one. But that's all you really want as an alternate comic. Oh, fuck you. You don't want laughs. You want people to go, that was brilliant, Moshe. I want to scream the word callback every time I do one so that the audience knows.

Yeah, but they thought that was funny. No, it was funny. Callback. For your next comedian, he goes by the name of Jonathan Tumblin. He's here, Jonathan Tumblin. Yeah, black comic up in this bitch. Finally. I'm just glad he didn't get blacklisted.

Uh-oh. Can we fix this shit? Here. Thank you, Eric. Guys, I went home to visit. I'm from the South. I was in Atlanta recently. And I'm out here in L.A. doing comedy and things of that nature.

And my friends, they decided to show me a good time. So the check came around, and my boy, he got kind of pissed at me. And he was like, hey, man, what the fuck is gratuity and how many did you have? Like, is that shit good? I was like, y'all don't know what gratuity is either. I'm like, okay. Being in this stuff, like a lot of my friends, like they're not as articulate as I may be. And I told one of my friends who was coming out to visit, he was like, what is there to do?

I was like, we can go to the mall, go to the beach, we can go for a hike. And he was like, nah, nigga, I ain't trying to go to jail. You out there hiking computers and shit. All right, that's it. That's my time. Fuck yeah. Yeah. I forgot hike even meant to steal something. Yeah, I've never heard that.

I remember when I was on the streets and I knew that. They would hike you and beat you up. Yeah. One, I'll say, good for you for coming to this type of show and this type of environment and trying to be yourself. I think that's good.

But again, this is all just about nervousness and trying to be yourself. Because I think that if you were in a different environment, you would have sold all that with more ump. Well, the racism is heavy, man. No, no, but that's more reason to say something even about it. Listen, if you have something on your mind

or if you feel the crowd is feeling a certain way, I'd say the best way to get past that is to just say it. It really takes, you know what I mean? If you feel like everybody's uncomfortable, you go, wow, this room's uncomfortable. Even that kind of makes people go, yeah, we are uncomfortable. And the next thing you know,

they're like with you. Right. Oh, how about a black dude starts talking about racism now or something, you know, something, some such. Yeah, just something. Just read the situation

and comment on it because then you didn't give your best performance worried about these motherfuckers and fuck them. Who cares what these people think? You know what I mean? Just do your thing.

How do you feel about the Anthony thing? What would you do if a white woman hit you in the face? I'd probably have sex with her. Well done. Horse full of sex. That was your natural inclination to fuck white women. I like that. And you went right with it.

You see what I'm saying? Now you're being yourself. You're comfortable, but like I'm saying? That's like you, now you're being yourself, you know? You're comfortable, but like I'm saying, you were uncomfortable, and I just think that, you know, and you got your N-bomb.

Are you happy about that? Yeah, that was great. No, I would say, my only critique would be, I mean, you were nervous, and you're new, and that's fine. I think they're jokes,

and they work. My two critiques, well, first of all, you did the same joke structurally twice. I have a friend who misunderstood a fancy word and didn't understand what it meant. So I would say tell one or the other in a set.

And then the first one, I wanted an act out again from your friend. I wanted to know. Or some setup for why. You know what I mean? Because I knew what you were saying. And the joke is funny. But I think it would be funny if you had some dude that really didn't. He was looking at the check You know what I mean? Because I knew what you were saying. I knew what the joke is. Funny, but you know, I think it'd be funny if you had some dude

that really didn't. It was looking at the check like what the fuck, you know, and did a full act out, you know, or something like that. Yeah.

Yeah. You have to do an act out. What's that? Why can't he just use his words? He can. I'm just saying they didn't. It didn't. Oh, because he's a black comic.

Yeah. Yeah. Is that why he's got to be animated? Right. Also, he can't just be smart? He can't do that? Yeah,

I really wanted to see you have a towel also around your shoulder so that you could dab the sweat. Just like, I wanted to see you come out to a DJ.

You know what I mean? I wanted to be like, what's happening, everybody? Play the same song. Here's all the racism that's coming out, everybody. Here it is. Right.

I wanted you to say praise God at the end of your set. I wanted a lot. I said that to a white comic earlier. Get out of here. It's different though. Watch, I'm going to get fired from Sirius. I don't even have a job there. That'd be great. You got a letter.

You are no longer working. But for public relations, they have to fire you. But I like the hike. I like the hike joke. I thought that was funny. I liked it. Cool, cool. Yeah, I'm trying to work it out.

Just keep working it out. But don't be afraid to just be you. Yeah, I'm scared of shit, man. I don't know what happened, but yeah. No, but that's what I'm saying. But this is what, can I tell you something, people? This is just equivalent to when Shaquille O'Neal would say he can make all his free throws at practice, but he couldn't make them in the game. This is an example of that right now.

Yeah, but why's it got to be Shaquille O'Neal, though? Because he can't shoot free throws. Okay, yeah, good point. All right. This is like going into an audition room and not being ready. So that's what doing comedy for years and years and every night prepares you so when a situation comes, you can be yourself. So that's why you have to continue to keep doing this

and keep doing it and keep doing it so you won't be in a situation where you're going to freeze up because you never know in this town. You never know. That is the truth. Somebody could have just been back there and been like,

you know what, I like how that guy did that and next thing you know, you're off and running on something else or a better show. You never know. So you can't, you know, don't squander your opportunities because of your nerves. That was a lesson I learned, like, right when I moved to

LA, I was doing that Westwood Bruco open mic. And I felt, because I had moved from San Francisco where I had moved beyond open mics. I was like, I'm too good for that. Or you thought you did. I thought I did, exactly. And I moved here. Nobody gave a fuck about what I was doing in San Francisco, so I needed stage time,

so I did this thing. And this guy came up to me, and I felt like my ego was like, I shouldn't be. And then this dude came up to me from a management company at this open mic, and it was like this illustration of what LA is. It's like, even at this stupid open mic, at any moment, there could be somebody who I need. My first TV credit ever doing this Showtime thing. But anyway, Darren Carter,

you guys know Darren Carter, the party starter. He called me and said, yo, can you come to this show with me? And it was like deep in the Mexican hood. It was like somebody had gotten shot there a month before. It was like the worst place. But he wanted me to ride with him so he could go into carpool lane.

You know what I mean? So I went and I got on the show and Alex Romundo, who was one of the Latin kings of comedy, he was on that show and he was about to film something for Showtime. So I go and he happened to be going after me. So everything came into place.

But needless to say, he was like, yo, you should come do this thing. And then I got this TV credit from being at some shitty show. This is what I'm trying to point out to all you motherfuckers. You're actually at the world famous comedy store. You're literally at a place where dreams have been made. And if you're going to come up at any time and be on stage, just think about that. Try to do your best, regardless if it's an open mic or whatever it is. That's funny.

You could have been at home being too good for going to that show. Exactly. Nothing happening. I could have been. And that led to other things. So I'm saying you never know. It's true. You got to bring it.

All right. All right. All right. Jonathan Tumblin's on Twitter at jsherlockt. So for you listeners out there, you could tweet at Jonathan. What were we just talking about? I don't know. Oh, about doing your best on stage and knowing that there are people, there are eyes everywhere. Oh, totally.

And yeah, absolutely. Also, one other thing, too, is a really big manager, Rick Messina. You guys know who Rick Messina is? Well, you wouldn't know, but he manages Tim Allen, and he used to manage Drew Carey. Those are the only two clients he had for like 25 years, major clients. But anyway, I was showcasing for him one time, and he said something very interesting to me.

He said, you know, I didn't want to... Because I was at the Laugh Factory, and it was a packed crowd. And he said to me, you know, I want to see you at a bad show. He was like, I want to see how you deal with that environment, like 10 people, and maybe it's not going well. Because that shows my real personality.

So again, no matter where you are, try to be you as much as you can because that also shows something to casting directors or somebody in a crowd because you all have big aspirations. So you're just not putting in the proper work. I saw a comic run out of a show because he did not like the audience.

He didn't like the situation so much. He just was like, I'm done. And he just walked right out the front door. If there was anybody that was there, they would have been like, what the fuck just happened? You never know. He just watched somebody quit. Something that he signed up for.

Another name. This is fun. John Mitchell. I think it's fun. Does that mean you're not having fun? What was that supposed to mean? Was that sarcastic? No, I just like, why was he asking me that?

No, I mean, it was fun. You know what that means. John Mitchell, you just got blacklisted. Another person? That kind of sucks. What's it going to be? People don't like the racist night here at the... Don't do it, dude.

Blacklisted! Oh, wow. You dialed it way back I wanted Ho-faggot For some reason I bet you he was thinking about it Just for the hell of it

That is correct That's good What Just some Oh this guy you know what? I just hung out with him over the weekend. Very funny, one-liner type of comic. His own very cool style.

Put your hands together for my pal Gabriel Killian. Gabriel. Killing it with Killian. Have you noticed how just about every time you're finally ready to kill yourself, you get hooked on a new TV show? Fucking Game of Thrones, man. HBO has already saved my life six times.

I want to meet a McDonald's employee who does it for the pussy. Whenever I see a girl driving a really small car, I think, compensating for a big vagina. Currently the number one most viewed genre of porn on the internet is Japanese anime porn. I don't get it, man. I mean, it's nowhere near as good as Puerto Rican anime porn. All right, thanks. Well, let me go first.

Because I already like you. All new jokes. No, never say that. Let me just say that. He just lost me with that arrogance. That's my biggest pet peeve is when somebody's not doing as well as they want and they go, I tried to try the new shit tonight. I was like, alright, dude.

We get it. You bombed. But I already like you because I've seen you before. I think you're really funny. I think you're... You know what you have that is very... And I could tell these were new jokes because I heard your other stuff. I like the McDonald's joke a lot. But what you have

that's very rare, and I don't know that I have it. I don't know that any of us... I don't know. You are funny. You are funny. Even beyond your joke, your energy on stage is ridiculous to me. Like, in a good way. Thanks, man. That's a very rare quality. Like, Felipe Esparza has it. Zach Galifianakis

has it. Like, there's certain people who just, like, they make me laugh just with their affect. And that's a big thing. That's very difficult. It's not even a thing you can cultivate. It's like a... So, I think you're funny. I like your jokes. I like... I mean, I don't even know how to really categorize you. You're like a... I don't know. I don't know.

You're like, you know, Hedberg who works at a car wash in Glendale or something like that. You know what I mean? But anyway, I think you're funny. Thank you. Some of the jokes were weaker than others, but I've seen you do well before. So, yeah. All right. Go ahead.

What do you got? Oh, I mean, I liked it, you know? I just, you know, if I had to give any tip it would just be you know like get it there and like own it initially you know like you kind of soft at first and then you kind of like

revved up you know I know it's only a minute but it's like but I like that you just came out there and it was like instantly like this is who I am

I wish he hadn't said one liner and all that shit right because I was like prepared for that so I wish he hadn't said that and you would have just done that it would have even had a bigger impact for me.

But I like it. I think you should continue what you're doing. You know what I mean? I think that's a great point. There are a few comics in comedy that have your kind of energy, which is fucking zero. Like no energy. Stephen Wright, Morgan Murphy, Todd Berry. All three of those people know how to fucking dial in immediately within that like super soft almost barely there

energy and kill because they completely own it and it's difficult sometimes I could be like sand sort of slipping through your fingers like how do I be at a zero flat affect and still throttle a crowd so that I think that's and the other thing about that is you also got to know that like why are people laughing

like why like some might say well it's the jokes and it's like in this case it's it's like 50 50 right like you have to know that that like part of why people are laughing is your whole essence your whole persona and then the things you say are just really accenting that it's just like a like a cherry for it so you always got to remember be aware of that like you're you know and then however if you're always. So you always got to remember to be aware of that. Like you're, you know, did you always do that too? Did you not take the mic out of the mic stand?

Is that something you always do? I take it off sometimes, but just a minute. No, I'm just curious because that's like, I like that as if like, you know, you're not really doing stand-up comedy, you know? So when people keep the mic and you just had your hand in your pocket and you're just kind of like speaking out about stuff, it's like a strong personality.

You don't have to be like – that's still this equivalent. So know that that's part of why people are laughing at you. You know what I mean? Yeah, I remember the first time – first person I really saw when I first got a job here, leave the mic in the mic stand was Al Madrigal. And I hadn't really seen it live that much. And he was blowing my mind in it because there's something about if you can leave it in the stand and

kill the whole time. Caparillo does that. Jay London. And there's also a thing where you get a big laugh and your first big laugh, that's when you grab the mic out of the mic stand. It makes you look like a god. I knew this was going to happen. Hello, everybody.

Just getting to work. Gabe, thank you so much. Great job. Gabriel Killian. It's on Twitter, at Gabriel Killian. So fun. I'm just saying,

what I liked about him right now, he really had an attitude. I'm beyond these motherfuckers. He looked over at us like he should be sitting here with us. And I like that as long as you back it up with follow through. There's nothing wrong with a little hubris. No one's been great in anything without having an ego. You're damn right.

No, you don't think so Mitch Hedberg didn't have an ego I guarantee Mitch Hedberg had an ego anybody that wants to be on stage any human being that thinks it's a good idea to be on stage for an hour every night having a group of people listen to their thoughts has an ego

that doesn't mean they don't have bad self esteem or they're not humble also but they think they're the shit. They think what they have to say is worth listening to for an hour. Yeah. I'm just saying sports is a good analogy on life. Those athletes, like Michael Jordan,

he was probably the greatest ever. He's probably the most horrible human being to be around. You just hear what people say because he was just driven. His Hall of Fame speech, he was calling people out. I'm better than you. I was better than you. He had to be like driven. His Hall of Fame speech, he was like calling people out. I'm better than you. I was better than you. He had to be like that.

That's why he was great. If you don't think you need to think like that, then it's the reason why most people don't make it. There's no – people that make it in this business, it doesn't mean they're a good person. I mean it doesn't all lend itself to that. No, there's a little bit of like, you're horrible sometimes. Some people are great people.

Not all of them, you know. Not all of them, for sure. But I'm just saying, we're damaged goods doing this kind of thing anyway. I see what you're saying.

I definitely think you have to believe that you can be one of the top comics in the world to even come close to it. If you're shooting to be in the,

you know, in number 200, then you're probably not even going to come close. I stopped doing comedy for a long, because I went to a class when I was like 22.

And my mom, like went to, my mom was so excited for me to do this that she went to a management class. And this big manager came to talk.

And my mom convinced this guy to have a meeting with me. I'd been doing comedy not even at all, okay, just like in a class doing some open mics or something. That was it. And I remember the guy, he said to me,

what do you see yourself doing? And I said, well, you know, I want to be a working comic. And he said, he goes, okay, how do I make money off that? He was like, dream big. You should have came in here and said, I want to be a millionaire, and I'll tone you down. And I always remembered that because it was like, dream big. You should have came in here and said, I want to be a millionaire and I'll tone you down. And I always remembered that because it was like, yeah, I had

small time dreams. I was sitting in a room like this with my notepad. I didn't think big. I want to be a movie star. I want to be a television star. I want to travel the world. I want to think like that. Dream big. And then if you don't achieve it, the process

of trying to achieve that, you're going to accomplish great things. I think the problem in LA, for me, is that people are so like haters. They're haters, right? But people are so worried about the minimal

success of the person next to you. I would get a 12 o'clock spot in the OR and I would see the list and go, what the fuck is this? And there's always some bullshit comic standing next to me going, well, at least you have a spot. So you're telling me that this 12 o'clock spot in the OR, that's your aspirations. If that's your aspirations, get the fuck out of my face and this business. Boom. Powerful Eric Griffin, everybody. Wait, I want a message.

All right, well, segregation, listen. No, I'm kidding. No, I... Call back. I should have said call back. God damn it. No, I agree, but I also think that one of the best quotes I ever heard in comedy was you're not in competition with anybody but yourself.

Right, exactly. That's exactly what I mean. Don't worry about what someone else is doing. It's hard to even talk about it with people. I'm on this show. If you watch Workaholics, so people see that and they go oh my god, you're on Workaholics. That must be great. Listen, I'm seventh on the call sheet

and I'm not in every episode. So I strive for more. But I can't talk about that with some people because there'll be people going, well god, you're on a show. Your life must be great. So I strive for more. But I can't talk about that with some people because there'll be people going, well, God, you're on a show. Your life must be great. It's like, ugh, get the fuck out of my face. Simple dreams.

Don't have simple dreams. Yeah, these are simple-ass people with simple-ass dreams getting on the number one show on Comedy Central in a regular role. Stupid simpletons. See, here we go. No, it's a great thing.

I'm not saying it's not a great thing. I appreciate it all the time. But what I'm saying is if I talk about wanting more, I get that. I'm not hating on you. I'm not that. I'm saying also it's important to always be grateful for what you've gotten. It's just like sports. You two are out of control.

It's just like sports. It's just like sports. If you win the first game, you go, I won the game. Now move on to the next week. Right. It's just like sports

because I got the ball right now. It's my turn. Wow. I stole it from you because you're not a strong offensive player. We absolutely have got to move on

to our final portion of the show. We're running out of time. We have two regulars that go on at the end of every episode since the beginning of the

show. I'll tell you a little story about my next guest. These two comedians go up every single night. They're going to be doing Extra Fest. We're going to only get to speak with them literally for about a minute. But at least we learned all about chasing your dreams.

Now available, the Eric Griffin Chase Your Dreams calendar. You're taking away from their time. Put your hands together for... She dropped out of the University of Florida because she started comedy right here on Kill Tony and she's been doing a new minute every week since. Put your hands together for Kimberly Congdon. New minute.

Hey, that was great, Brian. Thanks. Guys, this girl started following me on Instagram. She started liking some of my pictures and I was like, that's fine. She liked like 13 in a row and I was like, let me check this bitch out.

So I started following her. She sent me a DM. Two pictures of her pussy. Thank you. Thanks so much. Which is like, fine, that's fine. I'm not gay. But I guess I'll keep them.

And then she sent me a video. And I thought it was going to be something cool. But she was just fucking her dog. This is a true story. She was fucking her Rottweiler. I don't know if it makes a difference that it's a Rottweiler, but that's like manlier. She is.

And they're like best friends. I started looking at their pictures, and they're very close. And they hook up all the time, I guess. That's what she said to me. And I was mad at first, and then I tried to look at it from the dog's point of view. Like she – okay. What'd she do?

Oh, no. I won't be able to sleep tonight. She just got trolled. That's all that happened. She walks him. She picks up his shit. She blows him. I want to call the Humane Society, but I don't want to break his heart.

Do you think it's a real person, really? Or just because, I mean, you have this – No, it's so fucking real. How do you know? I got so obsessed with it. Didn't I ask you the other day and you said they only had three posts? No, that was my Tinder date. Boom.

Everybody. Well, that's out there now. Why would your Tinder date have three posts? I almost went on a fake one. You could follow her on Tinder. Are we doing commentary? Yeah. I mean, I would say the same thing.

It's like our discussion about saying faggot or saying the N-word on stage. There are certain topics that have so much gut punch to them that they better be the best thing you've ever written. And so to tell a story about a woman fucking a Rottweiler, I want you to swing for the fences on some level. I know you just wrote it this week, but I'm like, I'm still stuck on what the fuck are you talking about the whole time? Not even, and that's nothing offensive towards your writing.

It's just like, I'm still thinking about the woman fucking the Rottweiler. And I'll say, I like that you're like, you got an attitude, you know, and I like also that you came and dressed like a girl. Like you came like, you know, because this also that you came and dressed like a girl like you came like you know because this is hard for female comics you know they all think they have to dress down

and like look like a tomboy or something like that if you keep a strong persona and like do it and still try to be attractive I think you'll be one of the few that can be able

to pull it off so stick with it you know what I mean I'll take that what you think I mean I don't want to argue with you anymore

oh shut up Kim great job Kimberly Congdon everybody I'll take that I don't want to argue with you anymore Oh shut up Kim great job Kimberly Congdon everybody She's on Twitter Spend more time with her But we are running out of time So I'm just going to bring up your final regular

Always fun, always goofy Put your hands together for her You know her from Kill Tony and Dysentery It's Sarah Wineshank, everybody. Really? What's up? Been realizing that my dad is a weird guy. Like, he's just a weird guy.

He has no interests. His only interests are law and music. And that's it. He works all day, comes home and watches palladia for hours it's affecting everything he gives me the weirdest advice i called him today and i was like dad i need some advice and he said this baby it's a wild world it's hard to get by just on a smile i was like dad are you quoting cad stevens to me and pawning that off as your own advice?

He said, yeah, how'd you know? Like, because it's not the first time, Dad. He always quotes music, like classic music songs, like classic rock songs. Like when I got dumped, he was like, think about it like this. Would he turn his back on his best friend if he put you down? Would he sleep out in the rain for you? I was like, Dad, are you quoting when a man loves a woman? And he's like, yeah, how'd you know?

It's all the time. All right. I think you could start that where you're 30 seconds in, and all you need is the, my dad gives me advice. Yeah, I just didn't know if I needed. You could be right into Cat Stevens and maybe even a more popular reference for the second one or something. Yeah. And I

got two things for the first is I wanted a second punchline on the second example. So I didn't want the same thing. Yeah. My dad says it all the time again. Now I wanted why? Because I don't know. I don't know what the joke is, but yeah. Why? Well, because, you know because I used to be in the Isley Brothers, or you know what I mean? Or whatever.

Yeah, like a cover band. All the time maybe you get advice, you know, like, what do I do about this dad? Let me tell you a story about a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. You know, like blatantly popular famous songs. What do you do, dad? Take the midnight train? It goes on and on? Or whatever it is.

Look, I was going to say it turns into musical theater advice or something, like practice. I feel like I'm in a musical theater or something. Definitely cut off what he said. It's a funny premise. Because it sounded like an inner monologue from The Wonder Years or something, how you presented it with the very long beginning. Okay. But what you were saying, that'd be funny if it was an incredibly vulgar hip hop song,

like Two Live Crew, like Pop That Pussy or something like that. And you're like, Dad, you know, are you quoting 2 Live Crew? And he's like, no, I'm genuinely telling you to pop your pussy. I love you, my daughter.

Or whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much, Sarah. We're out of time. That's Sarah Wine Shank. Follow her on Twitter at Princess Shank at Kimberly Congdon.

You guys have anything coming out you want to promote? At Eric Griffin at Moshe Kesher. That's good. Yeah, at Moshe Kesher, Eric Griffin. MosheKesher.com. With a K, E-R-I-K, Griffin.

Yeah, also with a K, K-A-S-H-E-R. Thank you guys so much. So fun. So glad to have you. Kenny Lyon did a great job as our Guatemalan patron. We'll be arguing in the hallway if you want to continue to watch us. We'll be hugging in the hallway. Follow Kenny on Twitter at Kenneth Lyon.

It's like we are the world of comedy. One of our favorites. Come see us in San Diego or one of the many other fun places that we're going soon. Check out our calendars to see where we're going to be near you. Thank you so much, live audience. Have a great night.