KILL TONY - KILL TONY #675

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad.tv and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. Everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Starting point is 00:00:33 Hey y'all, it is going down August 9th and 10th, our biggest shows ever. Kill Tony, live from Madison Square Garden in beautiful New York City. There are still very few tickets available for the live shows in New York, and if you can't make it to New York City, you can watch the live stream all of your favorite cast and characters of the show. It is going to be absolutely historical. We are holding absolutely nothing back. We are so pumped about this event and everything we've ever done up to this point

Starting point is 00:01:10 feels like practice to us. All the other arenas, all the big shows, the development of all the characters, the growth of all the comedians, August 9th and 10th, it all comes due ahead. Killtonylive.com for the live stream and tickets at Ticketmaster.com for the live shows. Hey, this is Red Red, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of their lives, huh?

Starting point is 00:02:27 Yippee! You made it! You lucky motherfuckers made it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by DraftKings, Game Time, and Talkspace. This is Kill Tony. And this is the best fucking night of their lives. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by DraftKings, Game

Starting point is 00:02:39 Time, and Talkspace. This is Kill Tony. And this is the best fucking night of their lives. You're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by DraftKings, Game Time, and Talkspace. This is Kill Tony. And this is the best fucking night of their lives. You're at the number one live podcast in the world Brought to you by DraftKings, Game Time and Talkspace. This is Kill Tony How about a hand for Red Band ladies and gentlemen? And how about a hand for the best damn band in the land, huh?

Starting point is 00:02:58 We got the full squad here tonight Groovline Horns makes noise for Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, and Raúl Vallejo, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande. We are joined by the amazingly talented Freak of Nature, Marcus King tonight ladies and gentlemen, who just brought shock and awe to the room. His new album, Mood Swings, the hit single Delilah, out now. Go listen to it. He's a fucking freak of nature. We also have the great, of course, John Dee's watching over us. And we have the great and powerful Dee Madness listening over us. A hell of a goddamn show as always in store before we get

Starting point is 00:03:47 started here's a little bit from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. Indeed, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms, Red Band.

Starting point is 00:04:29 Squarespace is so easy to use, Tony. It's by far the best way to create a professional-looking website with minimal effort. Start completely personalized website with the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint. Choose from professionally curated layout and styling options to build a unique online presence from the ground up. SquareSpace Blueprint. Choose from professionally curated layout and styling options to build a unique online presence from the ground up. Tailored to

Starting point is 00:04:49 your brand or business and optimized for every device. Easily launch your website and get discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools so you can show up more often to more people and grow the way you want. No doubt about it. Make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools except credit cards PayPal and Apple Pay. Ineligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with afterpay and clear pay. Sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses.

Starting point is 00:05:16 Or sell files your customers can download like PDFs, music or ebooks. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash kiltony to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do. Who wants his last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario.

Starting point is 00:05:53 Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit kinexontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show? Yeah! You know, every single week when I book this thing, I always try to make sure that I'm dialed in with what's happening in the world. And sometimes we bring people in from within, from within our own family to be featured on this for the full show.

Starting point is 00:06:26 This guy's coming off a very, very big weekend in his life. So, uh, just one guest tonight, but you know, you know him well. Hall of Fame member. The man who has the record for all-time appearances on the show. The most interviews on the show. Some people call him the Virgin from Vermont. The Tijuana tarantula. The Memphis Strangler. The Baltimore Bobby Bonilla. The Vanilla Gorilla. This is indeed the big red machine. Make some noise for William Montgomery! Wow!

Starting point is 00:07:27 Tony, I am so happy to be... No, I'm kidding. No, Tony. It's so nice to be here. I'm so excited. I made it. I literally just got back from Paris, France about an hour ago. It was a real big opportunity for me.

Starting point is 00:08:01 They were telling me I finally was going to be able to headline the fucking opening ceremony of the Olympics. Obviously, Tony. I was so excited, and then I fucking pretty much bombed. I don't know what fucking happened. Everybody's saying I'm making fun of Christian people, and that's not the case. I was just having fun. So it's so nice to be here.

Starting point is 00:08:21 I'm glad I was able to make it here tonight. It was amazing. We all saw you. You didn't tell anybody that you were going to do that. You kept it a secret from all of us. You wanted to surprise us. We would have given you some notes perhaps on how to handle it differently. Well, Tony, I thought I would finally go out on a limb on my own. I'm very sorry. I mean, that really Red Band, I'm sure would have had a bunch of really great ideas on it. So I really, I'm sure I should have asked Red Band. I mean, his fucking ass would have made it hilarious probably. I mean, he's so funny, but yeah, no. I mean, I should have asked for your expertise. I mean, it's so funny, but, but yeah, no, I mean, I should have asked

Starting point is 00:09:06 for your expertise. I really should have because I was just thinking I'm going to be Dionysus. I'm going to have some fucking fun out there and that's the best I knew how to do. And here we are. So I guess my only question is why are you, why do you still look like that? God, Tony, I started raving again. I'm on something literally. I think it's called candy flipping. It's to CB and MDMA. I want some of that still.

Starting point is 00:09:36 But yeah, no, Tony, I haven't been asleep yet. I can't get the fucking pain off of my body. It's literally I don't know what I'm going to do. It sounds like a jet engine in my fucking apartment, and now I can't. Yeah! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I'm so excited about this.

Starting point is 00:09:52 You're gonna be on the entire episode. One more time for William Montgomery. Here we go. Whoo! And so it begins. And you know, we've been rotating regulars lately. We have so many greats. And so it begins. And you know we've been rotating regulars lately. We have so many greats that we've been using to open the show in our new rotating opening

Starting point is 00:10:14 format. And William, obviously you know how the show works, but there's 259 people that signed up tonight for the opportunity to get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And that's what happens. But for your first comedian, the bear is out of commission

Starting point is 00:10:42 because this is a very special treat, ladies and gentlemen. You know, we have regulars, we have golden ticket winners, and then in the history of the show, 11 years, tens of thousands of bucket pulls in the history of this show. And the man that is starting tonight's show, truly, I mean, it is unbelievable. Only got pulled once before. He's only done stand-up comedy ever. One other time. Meanwhile, he is one of the most requested comedians, one of the most requested legends in the history of the show. He flew in for this. Ladies and gentlemen, his second time ever doing stand-up comedy. Starting tonight's show, I present to you

Starting point is 00:11:29 the long-awaited return of... Gary Falcon! -♪ Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon What's up, Austin? How about William Montgomery right here? I've never wanted to suck off a Smurf more in my life. All right, here we go. See how this plays out. My name is Gary. That movie Oppenheimer bombed in Japan. Yep.

Starting point is 00:12:17 Do you ever fart at the bar and then forget that you farted? And you're like, who smells like semen? ["Laughter"] Heh, heh, heh, heh. Look at Tony. What a weird-looking muppet. He looks like if Jim Henson were asked to build a faggot. ["Laughter"] I... I want to go to a restaurant, crowded restaurant,

Starting point is 00:12:48 and be like, oh, my God, on my phone, like, my wife's having a boy! And then everyone's like, hey, and they cheer. And I'm like, oh, shit, my phone broke up. She's having an abortion. I like being at a bar, and when a woman asks where the bathroom is, I point to my mouth. That's it for me. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:13:16 Gary, get over here. Join the show. The long awaited return of Gary Falcon Gary. There's the sound of the Falcon that is Gary. Come and go. That's all you need to know. Or go and come.

Starting point is 00:13:40 Right, Ben? Let's go. Couldn't be more excited to have you back, Gary. William. Thank you, Tony. Thank you, William. Anything you want to say? Were you kidding about sucking off the Smurf day? Was that a joke or? I don't know. Was I?

Starting point is 00:13:58 I don't know. We'll maybe figure it out by the end of the evening. Yeah. cool. I'll fucking downplay a fucking avatar or cosplay an avatar. Sorry. It's fine. I'm actually going as honestly I feel bad for lying you people. I was in over in France, but I'm actually the colloidal silver guy.

Starting point is 00:14:22 I started I try to make it as the singing, now I'm going back to colloidal silver, so. Love it. I'm on board. Ladies and gentlemen, while we go wrangle the other, our first bucket pull of the night, why don't we get a quick minute from a legend of the show and a golden ticket winner? This is a brand new minute from Drew Nickens ladies and gentlemen here we go Hanging out with women is great But energy drinks are better I Mean they keep me out of trouble because

Starting point is 00:15:08 you can't get a Red Bull pregnant I made up a pickup line can I make you a Cowboys quarterback so I could make you choke when it matters I have no game. My mom says I have stepdad energy. You know stepdad energy, where you pay the phone bill, but you're not allowed in the group chat. Stepdad energy, where you dress like you wait at the mall massage chairs, but all your family's spending your goddamn money Stepdad energy where you raise a kid they become a pro athlete then their father comes out in real life I think I have more like special needs uncle energy hold the pedophilia

Starting point is 00:16:07 Yeah Special needs uncle energy. Hold the pedophilia. Fuck yeah. True Nickens. Hi. Oh my god, it's Gary Falcon. It is, it's Gary Falcon. You're very excited to see him. Yeah, I like that hat. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:20 Thank you, Logan Palsy. Gary's got a mind of his own. I love it. Gary can get away with anything. I love it. That's right. Hell, yeah. Drew, that was great. I love it. Can't get a Red Bull pregnant. Have you tried? No, my dick's too big. Very good. I can't get it in the hole.

Starting point is 00:16:51 We got it. We knew what you meant. We knew what you meant. Absolutely amazing. William Montgomery, have you ever seen anything like this? I could have used your pizzazz. I could have used your fucking enthusiasm Friday night in Paris. I mean, people are saying part of my problem was I wasn't being energetic enough. So I

Starting point is 00:17:11 really could have used, I could learn a trick from your book. I mean, you were, you were on it tonight. Are you serious that your Dick, you couldn't fit it in a can because it's too big. Are you kidding? You actually, there's a small hole in the Red Bull can and I'm not allowed allowed around knives so I can't like cut a hole in because maybe if I cut a hole in the full Red Bull can I can fit it in. Why aren't you allowed around knives? Okay. Yeah, I forgot. It's you. That's right. Absolutely. How could I forget? Could you fit it into a red bull? Oh, maybe.

Starting point is 00:17:52 I love it. Drew, you are a wild, wild boy. Anything else crazy going on in your life? I just did my first self-produced show yesterday. Wow. Over in Plano. Yeah. I did 20 minutes for the first time. It was great. Wow. Over in Plano, yeah. I did 20 minutes for the first time. It was great. Wow, you did a 20 minute set.

Starting point is 00:18:09 Yes, sir. Okay. What did you find that your challenges were during that? My challenges is I like to go really high energy and I don't like to stop. Right. So what I'm realizing is, is I have to take a break, reset, and then go again. Yeah. What do you do? Just sit silent for 30 seconds.

Starting point is 00:18:28 No, no. About five seconds. Take a sip of water, you know, strategize. Maybe wink at a lady in the crowd. You never know. Yeah. Do you ever sleep? And like for us, I feel like you sleeping is just like, blah! Ah! That's fucking dream! Let's fucking go, dream!

Starting point is 00:18:49 It's got to be so intense. That's a compliment, by the way. Thank you. I just want a video of you sleeping. These are some of the best evaluations of Drew that I've ever heard since he's joined the show. Gary, you are spot on not only as a comedian, but as a guest. Blessings. Drew, thank you for getting the show started. There he goes.

Starting point is 00:19:18 Hi, this podcast is sponsored by Game Time. Guys, believe me when I say my life is centered around live events, live comedy, live music, you name it. That's why I'm excited about Game Time. Guys, believe me when I say my life is centered around live events, live comedy, live music, you name it. That's why I'm excited about Game Time. Game Time makes getting tickets for concerts and events faster and easier. Even if you don't buy tickets right away. Prices on the Game Time app actually go down the closer it gets to show start time with killer last minute deals, all in prices, views from your seat and their lowest price guarantee.

Starting point is 00:19:40 Game Time takes the guesswork out of buying concert tickets. Errrrr Red Band. There are so many good live events coming to Austin, Tony. We got the original M out of buying concert tickets. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr deals plus you get views from all the seats in the venue. Incredible Red Band, save up to 60% off buying last minute tickets for sports, concerts, comedy and theater. Game Time offers the lowest price guarantee. Game Time will credit you 110% of the difference not to mention your purchases covered with the most flexible customer service policy in the ticketing industry. So take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, use code

Starting point is 00:20:21 KILTONY for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply, again create an account use code kill Tony for $20 off your first purchase terms apply again create an account redeem code K I'll T ONY for $20 off that's why download game time today last-minute tickets lowest price guaranteed hello there this podcast is sponsored by zip recruiter you know finding great candidates to hire can be like finding a needle in a haystack it is impossible there's too many resumes and not enough candidates with the right skills or experience, but not with ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter finds amazing candidates for you, fast.

Starting point is 00:20:53 And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash kill Tony, red band. Tony, I love ZipRecruiter. It's the best way to hire. ZipRecruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology

Starting point is 00:21:10 starts showing you qualified people for it. So ditch the other hiring sites and let ZipRecruiter find what you're looking for. The needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address Zippercruter.com slash KilToni again that's Zippercruter.com slash KilToni

Starting point is 00:21:32 Zippercruter the smartest way to hire To the bucket we go ladies and gentlemen, this is where shit gets wild. This is where we meet people all at once This one got ran around from the bar across the street He's now here make some noise for your first bucket first bucket full tonight. We're gonna meet them all together. This is the debut I do believe of Ethan Kim. Everybody Ethan Kim. Here we go. Hi, my name is Ethan. This is is first time to stand up comedy in America. I just come to Texas. Everything is just so big.

Starting point is 00:22:12 People, cars. I come all the way from North Carolina, bro. I'm from the South, man. I grew up in Charlotte. Hey. Yeah, no, I have that Southern pride. Yeah, but not Korea, right? I live in New York now, but I moved from the South, and I think I'm the only person in New York

Starting point is 00:22:34 who actually misses the South, right? Like, especially during election season, right? One thing I miss about the South are those political ads, right? You guys don't know what I'm talking about, right? In North Carolina, we had these political satire ads that didn't even try to hide the racism. We had this one guy named Bill Graham, who was running for governor.

Starting point is 00:22:52 And in his ad, he talks about how China is polluting our rivers. China is turning our beautiful American waters into goddamn miso soup. Woo! You mean wonton soup bro, they're turning our rivers to wonton soup, right? I guess 2024 bro, if we're gonna be racist, let's at least be educated about it, right? Yeah, but no, I miss the South, I think especially during...

Starting point is 00:23:20 Go ahead, you can go ahead. I want to hear more. You miss the South on what? I miss the South during the election season. I feel like it was too dead in New York when Trump got shot. Right? Like people had bigger things to do. Right? Okay. Holy fuck, dude. It's tough. Holy shit, dude. It's a tough industry. I'm going to keep that one in the North, dude.

Starting point is 00:23:37 Ethan Kim, ladies and gentlemen. That shit kills in New York, huh? I wouldn't say kills. I would just say like slightly beats. I love it. Ethan, how long you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up for about six months. Six months. I love it. You're by far one of the funniest female comedians we've had on the show.

Starting point is 00:23:58 You are a beautiful, beautiful girl. Red band is hard as a rock right now. It's hard as a rock right now. It's hard as a walk. W-O-K. I love it. So about six months, what made you, how old are you? I'm 22. Beautiful. That's amazing. You started at 22. Started at 21. Yeah. Great. That's a great time to start. What made you want to do that? Um, I have like very supportive Asian parents really. Yeah, that's I know I know Bumble it's actually unbelievable, dude I see all the other Asian comedians in New York talk about how their parents are like disowning them for doing this. Yeah

Starting point is 00:24:38 Oh fuck, but no, I uh, I have really supported parents and they've always encouraged me to like pursue artistic stuff. So yeah Amazing. I felt like I want to do something. I love it. That's great. Yeah six months in solid Setups are a little long, you know little unrelatable, but I mean you're you're gonna get there six months. You're right on pace You have you have good stage presence. You seem like a cool guy Thank you seem like you caught all the put Pokemon that there were to catch every single one dude Yeah, single one in New York City is a booming guy. Thank you. You seem like you caught all the Pokemon that there were to catch. Every single one, dude. Every single one. Yeah. New York City's a booming city.

Starting point is 00:25:08 Got to catch them all. You know what that noise means. You're a little Wubber Duckie. Can you do an impression of a Wubber Duckie? Can I do an impression of it? I don't know how to. It's impossible. How do you do that?

Starting point is 00:25:24 It was a trick question. You answered it perfectly correct. So you know a lot of Asian comedians in New York City? There aren't a ton. I know the local ones. No one huge though yet. No one big yet. Yeah, there's no one big over there.

Starting point is 00:25:37 That's a good point. There's someone that we know, right? There's someone that we know that moved to New York. Who? That's actually his middle name. So Ethan, how do you make a living? How do you pay your bills? Very supportive parents for that. I actually have like a nine to five.

Starting point is 00:25:58 I'm here for a work trip. And I quickly changed to come do this. So I mean, this is my dream, but yeah, I have a nine to five, but. what do you do for a nine to five? I do sales. Yeah. OK, what are you selling? I sell toothbrushes.

Starting point is 00:26:10 Really? Yeah. What kind of toothbrushes? I used to sell pads and tampons, but I didn't have the expertise. So I moved to toothbrushes. So yeah, a little of that. But yeah. William, a toothbrush is something

Starting point is 00:26:21 you use on your teeth to clean them. Yeah, well, I was just wondering when you were saying that, where do you sell them in the bathroom of a Panda Express or something? I confuse them with chopsticks, bro. Okay, I'm kidding. Yeah, no, thank you. I've been hearing people talk about toothbrushes and I was wondering what they were.

Starting point is 00:26:43 Yeah, this is my dentist, Hacky Chan. What kind of toothbrushes are you selling? Are they normal toothbrushes? Soy sauce flavored, I don't know. No, no, come on. No, I sell Oral-B. Oral-B. Yeah. Oral-B? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:00 The electronic ones. Yeah, dude. Tony likes Oral-D. I do. I love Oral-Ds. I really do. So they're electronic. Are they different than the competitors? How would you sell them?

Starting point is 00:27:19 Sell me on a toothbrush. Let's get a spotlight on them. You sell me your toothbrush. You need to buy it over here. Your teeth are more yellow than my skin. It is a very nice toothbrush. No, it's okay. Ethan, do it how you do it in real life. Sell me a real toothbrush. If I like actually had to sell you a real toothbrush, I'm actually pretty lame because I actually do like traditional sales so I'm just like and I hate that I'm an account executive. Alright sell me a tampon. Okay there you go.

Starting point is 00:27:52 Okay well I have to ask what ethnicity do you identify as? I identify as black. Okay well then I would have I would recommend a pad because ethnic women over index and using pads because people of color tend to have heavier flows you stereotyping me I'm gonna get fired fuck it's my last I got a pad I have a home I have a place where I lay my head to rest. Why you be telling me I need a bath? See, this is why my people don't even like your people. I'm gonna push you on a subway track. All right. Ethan, do you have a girlfriend? I just broke up with my ex because she was just a sick person

Starting point is 00:28:47 Just very sick in what ways was she sick leukemia? Very good see you got it for 22 you got a little there's a little something in there putting all the effort in like she's Just staying there. I had to pull the plug. Yeah amazing Okay, tell I don't have a girl. No. Amazing. Pull the plug. Okay. I don't have a girlfriend. No. But did you break up with a girl? No, I didn't have a girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:29:09 You've never had a girlfriend? I have had a girlfriend, but not recently. Okay. What are you doing? What sign was she? Cancer? What? Her before me.

Starting point is 00:29:25 So when's the last time you had a girlfriend? Well I was, gosh, I was like seeing this girl a couple months ago, but I graduated and she has another year left of school, so. A couple months ago. How long have you been in Texas? I've been in Texas for six hours. Six hours. Yeah, I'm literally here for work and I landed and had meetings and then just rushed over

Starting point is 00:29:42 here. Just killed Tony. So how long are you in town for? I'm in town till Friday. Yeah. Town till Friday. I'd love to give you five minutes on the secret show Thursday. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:29:51 Thank you so much, man. That's a wild success. Wow. Thank you. You're six months in. Sign up again next time. Maybe it'll get bigger. There goes Ethan Kim to start

Starting point is 00:30:05 the show, ladies and gentlemen. Ethan Kim. We have many famous Kims. Hans, Congdon, and now Ethan has joined the fray. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of, oh, I know what that noise means. That must be Heidi's here, everybody. Make some noise for Heidi, everyone. Look at her.

Starting point is 00:30:30 Isn't she just fantastic? Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Corinne Aaliyah. Everybody, here we go. Make some noise for Corinne, everybody. ["The Rockin' Bunch"] for Corinne everybody. Any of you guys here fans of pro wrestling make some noise. Yeah, it's not really fucking idiots. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:30:56 Me and my boyfriend have been doing this new move in bed recently called the Vinnie Mac. Yeah, it's where I sex trafficked that ass and then shit all over his face. Thank you. It gets better. We have another one we've been doing called the Drizzy Drake. Yeah, that's the one where he fucks kids and acts black. Thank you. he fucks kids and acts black. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:31:29 You guys like conspiracy theories? Clap your hands. All right, so you guys like pizza? Gate? The craziest thing about pedophiles is that they can't even win a race. Yeah, because they always got to come in a little behind. People that think that pedophiles hurt kids the most have clearly never heard of a good old Sandy Hook.

Starting point is 00:32:00 See you. All right. Corinna Leo. Welcome, welcome. See Welcome. Have you been on this show before? Yeah. One other time? Yeah. Nice. I love it. How did that, how did this go compared to that time?

Starting point is 00:32:11 You think? I think this one was better. Yeah. Absolutely. How long have you been doing standup? A year. One year. Where are you from? Louisiana.

Starting point is 00:32:19 And how long have you been here in Austin? A year and a half. A year and a half. Okay. All right. Is it true to you been here in Austin? A year and a half. A year and a half. Okay. All right.

Starting point is 00:32:28 Is it true that you and your boyfriend really do those moves in the bedroom? Yeah, he's gay. He likes pro wrestling, so yeah, I make fun of him all the time. Yes. Okay. Very good. Does he think it's real? You said it wasn't real.

Starting point is 00:32:42 Does he think it's real? That would be insane. I know. I know. Okay. What ethnicity are you, Koreanalia? I'm Kajastani. Okay. So half Pakistani, half Cajun? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:58 Like... My mom is Cajun. Okay. When did you get fired from Lululemon? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay. When did you get fired from Lululemon? That's a good question. When did you get fired from Lululemon? Okay, Corinne. So a year and a half in Austin, one year doing stand-up, what made you wait six months before you started? I started because of my boyfriend, honestly. Your boyfriend's a stand-up comedian? What made you wait six months before you started? I started because of my boyfriend, honestly. Your boyfriend's a stand-up comedian?

Starting point is 00:33:29 No, but he knows a lot of comics here. And he's the reason I started. We went to shows together and I was like, why not me? And I just started. Yeah. Do you work hard at this? Yeah, I try to go up every chance I have and work on my stuff. When you say every chance you have, what does that mean?

Starting point is 00:33:49 So I have a full-time job as well. What's that? I'm a trainer. I'm a fitness trainer. You're a fitness trainer? Yeah. Okay. Is there something you specialize in in particular in fitness?

Starting point is 00:34:00 Group fitness. It's my own business. So I run my own business and then I try to make time for comedy too. Okay. What's it called? Rage and Cajun Trainer. Rage and Cajun Trainer. So you're like high energy or something when you're there?

Starting point is 00:34:14 Or is it like this? You're like, hey, we might even work out. Come with diarrhea? Yeah. What'd you say, Gary? Does it come with diarrhea? Yeah. Cajun Trainer.

Starting point is 00:34:24 Yeah. All right, She's like, mm. All right, squat. Uh. We love you. Squat harder. Squat harder. Mm. This is region Cajun workout time, everybody.

Starting point is 00:34:38 Oh, my goodness. All right, everybody, let's get in a circle and do some jumping jacks. All right, Red Band, Jesus. You're allowed one an episode. It's been 11 years. More spice! More underwear!

Starting point is 00:34:54 Is everybody ready to shit their fucking pants today or what? It's going to be raging. It's going to be caging. All right, so here's what we're going to do. First, as you notice, there's a hot wing in front of each and every one of you. We're going to eat the hot wing, and then we're going to do somersaults.

Starting point is 00:35:15 Here we go. Ooh, this is an extra hot one. My goodness, we're really raging in here. And we're really caging in here. This is... You gotta admit, no false advertising here. You should probably just work at a Lululemon, bitch. Holy shit!

Starting point is 00:35:37 And also, what could I have done differently during my performance on Friday in Paris? What do you think? Did you watch? Did you see what I did? Did you see what What do you think? Did you watch? Did you see what I did? Did you see what he did in Paris? Did you see? No, I didn't watch it. I just watched everybody get angry all over the internet.

Starting point is 00:35:52 Yeah. What'd you hear? What are people saying? Yeah. Lots of things. They're angry at you. They were really raging. They're angry at you. They were really raging. They're angry at you.

Starting point is 00:36:05 I love it, Corinne. Amazing. So, uh, how does that go for you? You have fun training people? Yeah. You notice a change in their body. What would you recommend Red Band do? He's the color green right now.

Starting point is 00:36:22 It's called olive, Tony. That's not what olive means. I should wear yellow shirts. It would be good on my skin color. That's weird. Your mom likes me wearing red shirts. So... It's kind of weird. She can't afford it.

Starting point is 00:36:42 She prefers you and yellow and me and red. That's fun. Amazing. Oh, yeah. She can't afford it. She prefers you and Yellow and me and Red. That's fun. Amazing. Corinne Aaliyah, do you have any special skills or talents other than stand-up comedy? Yeah, I've been training Muay Thai for eight years. Oh, will you put the mic in the mic stand and show us a little bit of your Muay Thai?

Starting point is 00:36:59 Can we get some Muay Thai music over here? I don't know how to say. Oh, god. Just shadow box a little bit. Pretend like someone's trying to steal your purse or something. But he's in front of you. He's that way. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:37:15 Whoa, good head movement. Great. Oh, my goodness. Great. OK, great. Great. Amazing. Yeah, I'll beat the shit out of you.

Starting point is 00:37:26 You try anything with me, I'm gonna beat the fucking shit out of you. My mom is visiting me this weekend and I told her... That's crazy. My mom's visiting me this weekend. I told her I would take her here to take her to her bar. My mom's name is Mitzi. Oh wow. Yeah. That's incredible. See, you're not Jewish?

Starting point is 00:37:51 No. Your mom's name's Mitzi. Yeah. She's not Jewish. Are you sure she's not Jewish? Your hairdresser is. Thank you. I don't get that. Thank you. I don't get that. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:38:09 Yeah, she runs a barber shop called Truish Jewish. Well where's your mom at tonight? She's staying at a hotel, like down south. Down south? Yeah. In Mexico? No. Right here.

Starting point is 00:38:30 It was a cheap room. I didn't know what to do. She's staying down south. It's a four hour drive. I realized every hour. I can't even stand. I saved so much money. How far south is she? Probably like 15 minutes from here south.

Starting point is 00:39:08 Does she like to drink? No, actually she's sober from alcohol. Well, I was going to invite you to invite her to Mitzi's tonight, since her name's Mitzi. Yeah. Mitzi, the great Mitzi. I want her to get a photo with the sign at the bar. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:22 Yeah. That would have been cool, but it's not gonna happen now. If we brought your mom into that bar after this show, there's no chance she'd be able to stay sober. It's known as one of the places that breaks people. They literally have to leave immediately. There's red neons, there's smoke in the air, and the vibe is absolutely ridiculous. It is a sober person's hell.

Starting point is 00:39:42 She wouldn't stand an absolute chance. How long has she been sober for? A year and a half. Yeah, she wouldn't survive. There's no chance. Oh, man, I took my mom to get a picture with a sign and all of a sudden our lives are ruined. Pfft.

Starting point is 00:39:56 Ha ha ha ha ha ha. But congratulations on getting pulled out of the bucket. You're very fun. You have great charisma. So likeable. Check out Ragin' Cajun. There she goes. Corinne Alea.

Starting point is 00:40:14 Fun. We're having fun. This is good. All right. Your next bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of J.T. Abbott. Here we go, J.T. Abbott. Whoo!

Starting point is 00:40:30 Hell, yeah. How are we doing tonight? Whoo! Good, good. Uh, my girlfriend and I broke up recently. It's all good, you know? We didn't really see eye to eye all that much. She said tomato. I said cunt.

Starting point is 00:40:48 Um... What's up with rock climbers, huh? audience laughter Get down from there, you know? audience laughter Get down from there. You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know?

Starting point is 00:41:07 You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know?

Starting point is 00:41:14 You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know?

Starting point is 00:41:20 You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? Dog shit weed. Dog shit. And I think it's dog shit because it's named after a dog shit airliner, Delta, you know? Like I feel like if they wanted to get you really high, they should have named it Malaysian Flight 370.

Starting point is 00:41:36 Because then you just get so high, you get lost, you know? All right, cool. Thank you so much. That's my time. Very good. JT Abbott. My goodness. What a twist during that set. The broke up girlfriend tomato cunt

Starting point is 00:41:54 made me think that you were going to suck. And then all of a sudden, boom, what a surprise. It was like a misdirect. Because the get down from there was amazing. And you followed it up the momentum with the Delta. Amazing. How long you been doing stand up? I'm on three years now.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Great. Where at? All of it here in Austin? I grew up in Plano, Texas. So Dallas area. Yeah. I can tell. Yes sir. No, I'm saying I can literally tell now. We've been here long enough to where I can tell when like comedians have kind of like been built around here, around here, here in Dallas and Houston. It's just a different kind of three years. Yes, sir. If you spent the last three years starting in New York

Starting point is 00:42:33 or LA, it's kind of like one year here. I feel what do I know? Everything. Anyway. But it's just, you know, times evolving and being a Texas comedian is a little bit different than everywhere else. So, are you based out of here now? I just moved here on Tuesday. Oh, congratulations. Thank you, sir. Absolutely. What's your living situation like?

Starting point is 00:42:55 I currently live on an exotic animal ranch. Oh, yes. I'm glad I asked what your living situation is. Tell us more about this exotic animal ranch that you're living on. Currently it's not cool, because it's this fucking cunt of a camel that won't get from behind my fucking car anytime I want to leave.

Starting point is 00:43:12 Oh my God. It is, it's cool. There's a, my sister owns an exotic animal ranch. Oh wow. And so. That's amazing. And so I got to move down here and live on her property for free for a little bit. So shout out to her.

Starting point is 00:43:25 You have to help out with the normal stuff around the ranch. He wants to know if you have to pick up shit. You see, Red Band has a one track. You see any calluses on these hands at all? Yeah, no, they don't trust me. I don't feel like with that type of shit. So now see, you didn't even notice that there's no calluses on his hands. The little things, Soft hands, man.

Starting point is 00:43:45 But the camel's a cunt. Why do you call everybody a cunt? Ooh. You use cunt a lot. Good word, I guess. I don't know. Your parents still together? No.

Starting point is 00:43:53 Right. Oh, god. But your dad's still alive? He is, yes, sir. You communicate with him? I do, yeah. What does he refer to your mother as sometimes? It's just a psychology moment of the show

Starting point is 00:44:04 where I like to see if... Is there any words that he sometimes calls her and which might... Before or after the divorce? Let's go with after. After. Nothing that, like, points out to me. He's happily remarried,

Starting point is 00:44:17 so he doesn't really bring her up too often. How about before? During the divorce, there were some choice words, definitely, that I think cunt may have been one of them, for sure. And you heard that at what age? They divorced when I was 15, so. Very, very, very into your, that's a very cunty age.

Starting point is 00:44:36 Yeah. It is. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. It really is. What do you do for work? I am jobless at the moment. Did you save some money in Dallas?

Starting point is 00:44:47 I did, yesterday. Yeah, I did. I put money in my savings. So jobless. But what do you, how do you plan on surviving? I mean, I'm currently living for free on my sister's property, like I said. And then, I don't know, just kind of see how the world takes

Starting point is 00:45:02 me for a little bit. And then what kind of animals are on this exotic animal ranch? I might be interested in attending. I love cunty camels, so... We have a... I already got one foot in the door. And you have camel toe. I do. I do have the toe of a camel between my legs. A lot of people often...

Starting point is 00:45:18 It's a buff cunt. Right in the middle of that fucking... It's a real raging cajun down there. Look at how it's gonna... Is that a barbecue wing in my pants? I don't think so. Oh, sharded! Eat me up! Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:45:43 Okay, what kind of animals are there? So we had the camel that is, I'm talking about is brand new. So we have two camels. They have two camels. I shouldn't say we. They have two camels. They have lemurs, zebra, kangaroos, like African tortoises that are like fucking huge wait wait wait so that are the African tortoises faster than the They as anyone have they've you ever noticed your wallet is missing and then you go to the you go to the tortoise area They have huge They have huge dicks. They do fuck often. Do they really?

Starting point is 00:46:31 They do. They do. Yeah. They make really weird noises when they fart. You heard the noises turtles make when they fuck. Yeah. And it's louder. Sounds like a good subject for another podcast.

Starting point is 00:46:43 That's amazing. I mean, maybe Red Band has a point. Is there noises that African tortoises make when they're having... Hey baby, get your ass over here. Hey, back that slow ass up for a second there baby. That's it. Hey, I think I love you. Oh man, I came inside of you. All right. See you later now. All right, that's no one wants to hear tortoise noises. No, stop Red Band. Red Band, stop playing tortoise sex noises. That's it's so bad. All right.

Starting point is 00:47:22 Can you do an impression of the noises that they make? I sure as hell try yeah, yeah, it's more like a oh Wow Wow Very very good Amazing funny enough that is actually what my mom my dad used to call my mom was oh Amazing. Funny enough, that is actually what my mom, my dad used to call my mom, was, oh!

Starting point is 00:47:46 Yeah. There you go. Right, right. Full circle. Amazing. Absolutely. Red band still looking for tortoise. Oh, gosh!

Starting point is 00:47:53 Like... It's really the face they make is what's incredible. It's kind of like a... Yeah. Oh. Oh, that's crazy. That is crazy. Those are the white tortoises, though. Those aren't the...

Starting point is 00:48:09 Hell yeah. Okay, so what else? African tortoises, lemurs, zebras, zebra, the famous, both black and white animal. What are they up to? Just one zebra? One zebra, it fucked the donkey.

Starting point is 00:48:28 The zebra fucked a donkey? That's how a Red Band's made. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. So now they have an animal called a Zedonk. Are you serious? Look up a Zedonk. That's unbelievable. Well, now I'm hard. This is absolutely incredible. A Z-donk. Z-donk. What does it look like? Does it look more like a donkey or a zebra? It's like a donkey and

Starting point is 00:48:53 then it has like one black stripe that kind of goes down its side. Oh, wow. Absolutely. Oh my goodness. Look at that. They are adorable. It's like he has like long stockings on his legs. Yeah, he looks like a zebra all the way up to the chest and then it looks like a fucking donkey. Look at that absolutely incredible Old zebra pants. All right. What's the most interesting thing about your life before I let you go JT shit I think the exotic animal ranch kind of yeah takes the cake right now. Yeah Yeah, try and comedy in Austin, Texas. JT, feel free to come back again. Sign up again. We'll see you soon. JT Abbott, ladies and gentlemen, leaving with a big joke book.

Starting point is 00:49:35 Yep. Indeed, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms, a red band. Squarespace is so easy to use, Tony.

Starting point is 00:49:56 It's by far the best way to create a professional-looking website with minimal effort. Start completely personalized website with the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint. Choose from professionally curated layout and styling options to build a unique online presence from the ground up. Tailored to your brand or business and optimized for every device. Easily launch your website and get discovered fast with integrated, optimized SEO tools

Starting point is 00:50:22 so you can show up more often to more people and grow the way you want. No doubt about it. Make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools except credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay. Ineligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with afterpay and clear pay.

Starting point is 00:50:38 Sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses or sell files your customers can download like PDFs, music, or eBooks. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash Kill Tony to save 10% off your first purchase

Starting point is 00:50:53 of a website or domain. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants his last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively

Starting point is 00:51:12 on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Well ladies and gentlemen, we got a little African tortoise of our own around here. He's one of the top young rising comedians in the world, fresh off of, always sold out shows around the world.

Starting point is 00:51:43 Very very very hard position he's in, writing and performing a new minute every week. Here's a brand new minute from the great Cam Patterson, everybody. ["The New Minute"] ["The New Minute"] So, when I go to new places, I like to go on guided tours to find out where I'm at. But I have a rule about guided tours.

Starting point is 00:52:11 If I go on a guided tour, I respect the tour as much as the tour guide respects the tour. When I was in Green Bay, the tour guide respected the tour with utmost respect. He loved the Green Bay Packers. I felt like I was on the team when I was in Green Bay. These are the people I love. I was like, I fuck with team when I was in Green Bay. You know, these are my people. I love them. I'm like, I fuck with you, hell yeah. We on the same boat. Let's ride. I respected the tour with my utmost respect.

Starting point is 00:52:32 I went to Louisville this weekend, and I went to Louisville Schlugger's museum and factory, and the tour guy was like, nigga, these the bats. You see them? These the bats. Do what you want. So I gave two fucks about that whole tour at all, right? So at one point during the tour, they had, like, these bats you could touch.

Starting point is 00:52:54 And I would actually see some colorful bats in the distance. So I said, mm, I'm going to go to the colorful bats. And I started swinging the bats, doing all kinds of crazy with the bats and shit like that, knocking dust off my shoe. And then at one point, the tour caught up with me, right? And they were like, hey, now these bats over here are the untouchable bats that we sell to MLB players.

Starting point is 00:53:12 And I was like, oh shit. Somebody tell Aaron Judge I'm sorry, right? And how fucking that bad up. Now the funniest part about the tour was, on the tour was a bunch of like high schoolers and shit that love baseball, cause they want to go to MLB when they grow up and get older. And I believe in dreams.

Starting point is 00:53:26 I'm a dream chaser myself. I told them, I said, oh, you niggas right here, oh, y'all, oh, nine of y'all. I hope most of y'all make it to MLB. Then I walked away. Then I remembered, wait a minute, any of you niggas Dominican? And they was like, no. I said, well, y'all are fucked, brother. Y'all not gonna make it.

Starting point is 00:53:47 I'm sorry. Y'all not gonna do it, gang. Y'all gonna be accountants or something like that. That's it. Amazing. One minute and 49 seconds. Oh, shit. Of new material from Cam Patterson.

Starting point is 00:54:01 We gotta shake it up. We figured it out. Absolutely. That was fun. Absolutely. You did it again. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. That was fun. Absolutely. You did it again. Went to the Louisville Schlugger factory.

Starting point is 00:54:09 Yeah. A little bit of Schlugger. I love it. That's a good trademark. Making S's, S-H's. That's how you're supposed to say it. Schlugger, all that shit. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:54:19 Eat some spaghetti. Spaghetti. Oh, you call that spaghetti? Spaghetti. You don't call it spaghetti? Spaghetti. Oh, you're kind of saying spaghetti. Spaghetti. Oh, you call that spaghetti? Spaghetti. You don't call it spaghetti? Spaghetti. Oh, you're kind of saying spaghetti.

Starting point is 00:54:28 Spaghetti. Yeah, I hear it now. I love it. Spaghetti, white lady. Oh, you got a nice dress on, hell yeah. Yeah, they get it, absolutely. Yeah, spaghetti. Yep.

Starting point is 00:54:37 Hell yeah. Absolutely. So Louisville, is that where you were? Yeah, I'm pretty cool were? Yeah, pretty cool. It was decent. I ain't had no real bad time there. The city looked terrible, but other than that, it was fun. The city looked horrible.

Starting point is 00:54:53 The city looked horrible. They had a basketball arena there for the Louisville, for the college. You know the name of the basketball arena? No. It's KFC young center No way, I swear to God. Did you eat it? No, that's true. I swear to God Look at all right now. The name of the basketball center is KFC young center That's where they put all the niggas and the basketball team

Starting point is 00:55:19 At the KFC young center. That's it fucking crazy Well, we're gonna name the basketball state. Let's name the Kool- Center. That shit fucking crazy. What we gonna name the basketball stadium? Let's name it Kool-Aid and Watermelon and Reno. Fucking stupid, dog. It is really the KFC Yum Center and it's yum with an exclamation point. Sir, you keep pumping your fist about this. What's the reason behind you loving the KFC?

Starting point is 00:55:45 Are you from there? Used to deliver beer to the KFC Yum Center. Any niggas home? Any niggas at the KFC Yum Center? Where are the niggas at the KFC Yum Center? Hey, leave it on the dose there. You ain't got no Hennessy, nigga? It's the KFC Yum Center Center. What you talking about?

Starting point is 00:56:07 They passed on Newport grape soda. Oh my God. What a crazy name of an area. Did you experience any racism there? No, it seemed like a pretty regular place. It seemed, I mean, obviously it's Kentucky. That was Nah, it seemed like a pretty regular place. I mean, obviously it's Kentucky. That was racism, but that wasn't racist to me.

Starting point is 00:56:29 Not to my face. They probably was saying that when I got off stage, like, that nigga pretty funny, you know what I'm saying? But not to me, you know what I'm saying? Amazing, amazing. Dad was there? Yeah, dad came. My mama came too.

Starting point is 00:56:40 Oh, nice. Mama came, yeah, it was a great time. It was fun for the whole family. They hated each other the whole time, so it was beautiful. I love it. It was a good little West name. I love your mom and dad are together. They hate it.

Starting point is 00:56:50 My mama hates it. She hates it with her whole heart. Yep. She hate that nigga. Yeah. My dad was stalking my mom the whole trip. Swear to God. We went out, we went to go get breakfast early in the morning and we didn't tell my dad and

Starting point is 00:57:04 we leaving the hotel. He was, where y'all going? And he was in the lobby for no reason. Oh y'all trying to leave without me? I want to come eat breakfast too. He was just there. He wanted breakfast. No, he didn't want to stop my mama.

Starting point is 00:57:12 I don't know what I was saying. That's what it is. He still trying to get some from her? Nah, I don't think so. Who knows? I think so. Are your mom and dad banging anybody, do you know? I hope not.

Starting point is 00:57:20 My dad married. I hope my mama don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. I hope my mom don't fuck with my mom. Who knows? I think so. Are your mom and dad banging anybody, do you know? I hope not. My dad married, I hope my mama don't fuck nobody forever. Have you ever asked her if she does anything with anybody?

Starting point is 00:57:37 I will never ever ask that crazy question. I will tell you. That's fucking insane. Mama, who you fucking right now, mama? You fucking anybody right now, mother? It's not about who, but are you fucking anybody is a good question. I'm scared, man. I'll tell you this, my mama did a real good job of me growing up.

Starting point is 00:58:00 She never brought nobody around me, like no other guys and stuff. But it was one guy she always brought around. Then when I got older, I realized there was two different guys. They just looked the same. Yeah, that's how we all feel about you people. That happens to us all the time. Can I tell you something, Tony? He was white. I'm gonna let you off the hook. We'll save that for another day. Hell yeah, appreciate that. Look. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 00:58:25 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:58:33 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:58:41 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hell yeah, appreciate that. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. -♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey uninterrupted for Jordan Brady. Here he is. Alright, any bisexuals in the house? Yeah, you guys are always like ladies and gentlemen. Very selfish. Sex is very complicated, you know. What's that? A Catholic Church joke? Okay. Yeah, it was a quick question, man.

Starting point is 00:59:26 You think Quasimodo's safe word is, mmm, sanctuary? I have a hunch that it might be. My ex-girlfriend's safe word was, um, Quasimodo. At least I think it was that. I know rings a bell. My buddy's growing a big pineapple in his backyard and he was showing it to me and without prompt he was like, hey man did you hear apparently pineapple makes your cum taste good. I was like oh yeah or is that just big pineapple in cahoots with big cum. I said of course I know all about that, man. He goes, for real, girls tell you that? I said, what girls?

Starting point is 01:00:12 All right, that's my time guys, thank you very much. All right, Jordan Brady. So I'll tell you, man, I've been paying a lot of attention to everything tonight. This is a tough job I have. A lot of people, you know, they don't know the thankless job that I have here, but I have to pay attention of attention to everything tonight. This is a tough job I have. A lot of people, you know, they don't know the thankless job that I have here.

Starting point is 01:00:27 But I have to pay attention to many things at once. Sometimes it's hard, because you're getting the next people ready, and this and that. There's so many different variables going on all at once. But I will tell you, one of the things that I noticed is that both Gary Falcon and Blue William Montgomery laughed throughout your entire set. Thank you guys.

Starting point is 01:00:47 Yeah, the bad news is that without a doubt, they were laughing at how unbelievably stupid all of your jokes were. Shockingly dumb jokes. Yeah, I wrote them that way, it's fine. Yeah, no, it's your brand it seems. I thought it was great. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:04 He also looks like a door guy at the Holocaust. It is incredible. William, you have something. Yeah, I thought you were great. I loved just the very beginning. What was it? It was something about bisexuals.

Starting point is 01:01:20 And then you said ladies and gentlemen, I think that really immediately got me because I was thinking to myself, what is that? What does that mean? Yeah. But in the best of ways. Yeah, because you're bold. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:33 Yeah. Oh, man. There were so many places you could have gone with that setup. It was incredible. When you said gentlemen, we were all like, what the fuck? You could have said ladies and anybody.

Starting point is 01:01:50 You could have said anybody, anybody and anybody. You could have done anything and said you just said what everybody says. Bisexual, yeah. Yeah. My favorite thing is that you look like the bad guy from every 80s movie. Yeah. Like, you're gonna take over the ski resort from every 80s movie. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:07 Like you're gonna take over the ski resort and people are getting fucking fired. It's my summer, man. It's my summer. It is incredible. You look like you've had some ups and definitely downs. Definitely. Are you stricken with anything at all? Is this just normal?

Starting point is 01:02:24 Has God hit you with any of the doctors diagnosed anything? Are you stricken with anything at all? Is this just normal? Sure. Has God hit you with any of the doctors diagnosed anything? Just a very tired stoner. Okay. Why are you so tired? What do you do on an average day? I'm a, well I'm a dad. I have two kids. Oh, you do? Yeah. My God, that is crazy.

Starting point is 01:02:41 I know. Feel bad for him. Sorry guys. Wow. That is incredible. So there's more of you? Yeah, unfortunately. crazy. I know. Feel bad for him. Sorry, guys. Wow. That is incredible. Yeah. So there's more of you? Yeah, unfortunately. Slightly better versions. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a blessing.

Starting point is 01:02:52 It's crazy to think that there's two Zadonkis out there running around somewhere. Yeah. Evil. Ha ha ha ha. Eek. Oink, oink, oink, oink. Ah!

Starting point is 01:03:02 Little Zadonki impression. Solid. We're getting a little Zadonki in here. Little Zidane in front of him. We're getting a little Zidane in here. Okay. Jordan, what do you do for a living? How do you raise these two kids? I'm a full-time musician. Oh, really?

Starting point is 01:03:16 Yeah. I've been on the show before, actually. I played a drum solo. You played drums? I did. You were a good drummer? I'm pretty good, yeah. John Dee says you lost.

Starting point is 01:03:25 I mean, I know he lost, obviously. He's here. And I barely know him at all. Where he would have been the full-time drummer if he won. Did you come close, do you think, George? I think I came pretty close. I don't know. Do you really think you came close?

Starting point is 01:03:40 I think I came pretty close. Have you been thinking about it ever since then? I try not to. I stay pretty busy. You know, it wasn't my best solo of my life, but yeah. Have you been practicing for a better solo? I just practice all the time, every day, all the time, yeah. Wow, that's incredible.

Starting point is 01:03:54 Michael practices it all the time, every day. I don't know. What do you guys think? Should we have a Mexican drum off in here? Michael, you've been called out for a rematch. How do you feel about this? You good? Let's go, he says. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a Mexican Drum Off. I'm sorry, Michael.

Starting point is 01:04:15 This is the first time we've ever had a rematch, ladies and gentlemen. So, this is interesting. I guess the rules kind of stay the same, I guess. Doesn't really seem fair for a rematch if Michael won the first one. He'll be going for handsome Frankenstein. Ha ha ha Look at that, a face only a, not even a mother could love, it's incredible. So since this is a rematch and not the real one,

Starting point is 01:04:52 I guess there should be a special stipulation. I've had a little time to think about it. So maybe if you win, you get to be the drummer one other time at some point. That would be great for you. Not for us, probably. But then again, we could make fun of your wacky face the whole time. I mean, it is incredible.

Starting point is 01:05:10 There's so much we haven't touched. It's amazing. Your eyes are close together. Johnny Carson eyes. Yeah. Robert Downey syndrome. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, you guys know how it works. Drum solo, and then Michael does a drum solo, the audience votes. Ladies and gentlemen, our first ever rematch

Starting point is 01:05:33 of a Mexican drum off. This is Jordan Brady, ladies and gentlemen. One, two, three, four. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yes, you've thought about it since then. You've thought about it every minute of every day. You've neglected your two children in lieu of practicing

Starting point is 01:06:38 for the chance that this opportunity might arise yet again. And you hear those horns, that means trouble has arrived. The reigning, defending, all-time undefeated defender of his throne. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Michael Gonzalez. Let's go! So Wow!

Starting point is 01:07:47 Jesus Christ Almighty! The devil has arrived! El Diablo La Cons Consuela, muchacho. This drum circle turned into a cum circle. Good job. That was amazing. This is Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr and Brady winning the Mexican Drum Off. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? Another undisputed victory that will haunt this man. But both phenomenal.

Starting point is 01:08:39 Oh yeah. Both phenomenal. Absolutely. You can't fucking do that. You fucking bullshits. No, I never. Don't come after me right now. You've been nice all fucking night, dumbass.

Starting point is 01:08:50 Shut the fuck up. You've been nice all fucking night. I didn't want to fucking dress like this, dumbass. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. You've been nice all fucking night, dumbass. Shut up. Suck up! Shut up! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Suck off.

Starting point is 01:09:07 Get me out. The winner of the Mexican Drum Off, Michael Gonzalez. The winner. Jordan, put that mic stand back up there. Tell us, is there anything that you thought about since the last time you were on this show that you could have talked about in the interview portion that you didn't, that hasn't come up yet tonight? Something random.

Starting point is 01:09:30 A guy died in my yard when I was eight, outside my window. Oh my goodness gracious. Wow. I just died in your yard tonight. I must have been scared of you. Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon.

Starting point is 01:09:56 Yeah. You hear that sound, that means the Falcon has arrived. So, so, uh, Jordan, how did he die? How did he die in your yard tonight? He mixed, he got really mad. His daughter got engaged to her boyfriend that he hated so he took a bunch of drugs and got a big knife and started walking around the neighborhood. Was the guy that the daughter was- Vegan son! was the guy that the daughter was... Vegan saw it! Oh my goodness gracious. Oh my goodness.

Starting point is 01:10:28 Was he a certain type of person? You know what? I'm going to be honest, Tony, after all these years, never thought about it, but very likely yeah. It was East Houston after all, so. Wow. When you saw that... When you saw that...

Starting point is 01:10:44 When you saw that happen in your yard, is that what made your eyes permanently sad? That's right, I never got over it. Did you get a joke book last time you were on? I did, I got a big joke book last time. Well, perfect, everything is right on pace. Sign up again, there he goes, Jordan Brady. Thank you guys so much, appreciate it.

Starting point is 01:11:01 It's a fun episode tonight, we're having fun. You guys having as much fun as I am? Yeah. God damn it. I guess we're still number one. I mean, it seems like nothing can stop our undying trajectory. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian out of the bucket, this looks like a new name.

Starting point is 01:11:20 Make some noise for Owen Gallivan. Here he comes, Owen Gallivan. Hey everybody. Guys, here's something pretty crazy to think about. At one point, only white people said the N-word. Really did a 180 on that one you guys. The old switcheroo as I like to call it. Do you guys think it was like a slow transition? Like a hard fast stop and a switch? I like to think it was Abraham Lincoln's decision. That's what I like to think. You know, he like signs the Emancipation Proclamation, walks into a

Starting point is 01:12:10 room full of his boys. He's like, guys, I got good news and I got bad news. He's like, good news is we did it. We abolished slavery. Bad news? we can't say the N-word anymore. Kind of had to use that one as, like, a peace offering, you know? And all those boys were pissed at him. They're like, dude, why the fuck would you make that deal? That's, like, our favorite fucking word. And he was like, guys, relax. What are they gonna do? Make it cool?

Starting point is 01:12:42 Thank you. A perfect set. A perfect set. Pushed it to a minute, 11 seconds. That's right before the bear comes knocking. Absolutely incredible. Oh, and now that you're up here, the name wasn't familiar, but your face is.

Starting point is 01:13:03 You've been on this show before. Yeah, two times. Absolutely. I remember. I remember a guy that looks like Tim Allen's grandfather. Yep. It is incredible. You have a grown ass man's face.

Starting point is 01:13:13 Yeah, with a boy's body, yep. Yep. You look like the only guy to win to catch a predator. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Gary! Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon.

Starting point is 01:13:29 The crowd goes absolutely wild as Gary thrives again. It is amazing. So how do you explain your face? Did you perhaps work in the oil industry for a very long time? Just alcoholism, I think is the number one explanation for it. You look like Magnum GAY. It is. You do. You look like Daniel Gay Lewis.

Starting point is 01:13:55 Yeah. Last time you said Daniel Day Dinklage, because I'm short, but I appreciate that. You keep saying Daniel Day Lewis to me. I like it. I said that? I called you Daniel Day Dinklage. It was very funny. Oh, that's so funny. I love that. I called you Daniel Day English. It was very funny. That's so funny. Yeah. I love it when people remind me of the unbelievably hilarious stuff that I've said. It is absolutely incredible. What's your ethnicity?

Starting point is 01:14:13 Are you Daniel Day Jewish? Irish. My mom is from Ireland. I'm like actually Irish. Wow. I had to spell my own name wrong on the list when I signed up. That's how Irish I am. It's spelled E-O-G-H-A-N, but it's pronounced Owen.

Starting point is 01:14:29 Oh my God. It's Gaelic, yeah. Wow. Emphasis on the gay, I feel like he's gonna say that. I might as well just. You were great at the end of Philadelphia. I'm accused of being a Gaelic all the time. Absolutely incredible.

Starting point is 01:14:47 What do you do for work? I'm an engineer by day. Okay. How about you? You have any kids? No. You don't have a bastard in a basket? No. A bastard in a basket?

Starting point is 01:14:58 No. No kids. You're a bastard in a basket? Eat me out! Eat me out! You're a bastard in a basket. Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk!

Starting point is 01:15:08 Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk!

Starting point is 01:15:15 Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk!

Starting point is 01:15:21 Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! Eat milk! I work as an industrial engineer right now, which is just like process improvement on a manufacturing floor. It's pretty boring. Easy stuff for a guy like you, it seems. Yeah, you know, no big deal or anything. What do you keep in that front pocket?

Starting point is 01:15:31 Is that a pile of air? That is incredible that it descends. It was a zen. And then they made me digit before I got here. They made you throw your zens away? I mean, no, but I can't bring anything in my pockets. You know that. You run the show.

Starting point is 01:15:44 You guys really make them empty their pockets entirely. I think that's a great idea. That's brilliant. Absolutely. Pocket like a pot. Pocket like a pot. I love this idea. I love that we make people empty their fucking pockets. Fuck them. Anything could be used as a weapon.

Starting point is 01:16:02 And you know what? Good stuff. What else did you have in your pockets that you're missing dearly right now? Phone, wallet, notebook, pen. Very good. Normal stuff. Absolutely.

Starting point is 01:16:18 Okay, do you have any special skills or talents? Um, I can do cricket noise pretty good. Get the fuck out of here. How many of you want to hear can do a cricket noise pretty good. Get the fuck out of here. How many of you want to hear him make a cricket noise? Let's fucking go! This is Kill Pony! If I fuck this up, I'm going to feel like such a dumbass.

Starting point is 01:16:36 Wow. That is... Not bad, that was pretty great. Absolutely incredible. Even Red Band is agreeing, and no one hears crickets more than him. Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Starting point is 01:16:50 Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! He is our senior cricket correspondent. Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Starting point is 01:17:00 Ha-ha-ha! I call him Daniel Day Cricket. Ha-ha-ha! You always do call me that. Tony, how many dickets do you hear? Oh. Fucking gypsy. I hear them coming out of my ass every night and coming into my ass.

Starting point is 01:17:17 All right. Okay, enough with the crickets. That's an amazing talent. How did you come up with that? I honestly don't know. I just feel like I've been able to do it for as long as I can remember. Really? Like I just one day did it in like middle school I think. I honestly don't know. Did you grow up in the woods?

Starting point is 01:17:33 Yes I did. Yeah. In the middle of the woods in Massachusetts. I grew up there. Ah, the old Massachusetts. Hey, fucking crickets guy. What's going on? Keep it down, you fucking cunt. Absolutely amazing. Any other special skills or talents? We start with the cricket? No, nothing else, I don't think.

Starting point is 01:18:00 Okay. All right. What's your love life like? You seem like the kind of guy that would never stop eating ass. Ah It's given the opportunity. It seems like they would have to stop you Rather than you move on to the next level. Yeah You know, it's not great. I mean all I do is work and then and then do comedy so I don't have a lot of time But I went I recently went on like two dates with a girl that was cool. Ava, if you're

Starting point is 01:18:25 watching, I'm sad that you don't want to go on a third date. Oh my God. That is incredible. How long ago was the last date? Like a month maybe. I don't know. It's been a month? Something like that. You have her number? You want to give her a call right now? I'm not going. I'm not going.

Starting point is 01:18:42 I'm not. No, no, no, no. Listen to this crowd. How do you not want to give her a call right now? I'm not going. Listen to this crowd. How do you not want to give her a call? Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! She's not going to answer this. And if she does, we'll see. I think you might be surprised. Here, have me call her. You hit send, put it on speaker, give me the phone.

Starting point is 01:19:13 Shh, stop, silence. She's not even gonna remember me, it's gonna be embarrassing. Voice mail. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hi, Ava. I know this is gonna sound crazy.

Starting point is 01:19:32 This is Tony Hinchcliffe, the host of the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, and you're not gonna believe it. Shut up, guys. So you're here on a show, no big deal. I know it sounds crazy, but it's not. Everything's okay. Nothing I say is allowed to be sued

Starting point is 01:19:51 or Joe Rogan Enterprises or any of the production companies associated with the show. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm here with Owen. Do you remember Owen, Ava? Yeah, I do. And let me just tell you, so do you know this show at all? Do you know anything about Kil Tony?

Starting point is 01:20:09 It's okay if you don't. No, I don't. It's okay. That's fine. So he's in an interview portion of the show where I find out a little bit more about him. And I was asking him about his love life, and he said that he's just been on a couple dates with a girl that he really likes,

Starting point is 01:20:25 but that she... It seems like she doesn't want to go on a date with him again. But let me tell you something. This guy just killed onstage. It's a sold-out show. Millions... Guys, shut the fuck up! Jesus Christ, everybody.

Starting point is 01:20:44 As you can hear, it is a crazy sold out show, Ava. And so, you know, there's millions of people that are gonna see this. Your anonymity is completely protected. We just know you by your first name. Everything is fine. My question is, just for the sake of goodness gracious morality and the future of the universe,

Starting point is 01:21:09 is there a chance I can convince you to go on at least one more date with good old Owen Gallivan here? Wow, okay. Sure. Yeah! Ava, you're an absolute legend. And I'm going to donate $200 to this event so that you guys can have a good time. Even though, actually, he's an engineer. I'm not gonna donate anything. You know what, Owen, I would love to have you

Starting point is 01:21:52 on the Secret Show Thursday. Maybe you could take her on the date there. Thank you so much. Thank you, Ava. You're a legend. And you get, you and the guest, you and the guy that you actually wanna hang out with get to come to Killtony for one show.

Starting point is 01:22:05 I'm going to put you on my guest list in the future. Thank you, Ava. Are we good? Okay, cool. Awesome, Ava. Go Google Killtony. You're going to love it. Have a great night. Thank you. There you go. You didn't think it was possible.

Starting point is 01:22:23 Just takes a little pizzazz. You have to- That went way better than I thought it would. Yeah. Someone's going on a Daniel date, Lewis. Oh! Congratulations. My look at him, he's blushing.

Starting point is 01:22:39 I am. Totally changed colors. That made me way more nervous than the joke. That was fucking- I bet. You had a great set, great interview. You already have a big joke book? I don't, no. You only have small joke books?

Starting point is 01:22:49 I got one small one. Well guess what my friend, it only keeps getting better. There he goes. Owen Gallivan everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very, very, very special treat for you. So keep that energy up as I bring to you one of the great golden ticket winners of our history. You know him from Killtoni. You know him from America's Got Talent.

Starting point is 01:23:17 He quit his day job today. He just got stem cell injections for the first time in his life. A couple of weeks ago, this is the return of Aaron Belial. Alright guys, one more time for Aaron Belial. Hey guys, I'm dressed as Justin Trudeau. Last time on Kill Tony, I was offered stem cells from a company called Ways Too Well. As you can see, it's going fucking great. I used to look like the scrawny little pretzel boy. Now I'm perfect. And I can dunk.

Starting point is 01:24:27 I'm looking forward to jerking off with my left hand for a change. I've wanted to be able to say something for a long time, and now I can. No, I'm not the father. My niggas. Being black and disabled are oddly similar. Really just lost one disability and gained another. I used to be an inspiration. Now I only inspire the police. People used to yell at me asking to pet my dog. Now they yell, what up dog?

Starting point is 01:25:10 Wow. An amazing... Oh. Fuck. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:29 Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:35 Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:42 Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Aaron is that the end of your set? Yeah, okay. All right, Aaron Bile. That was hilarious That was great Yeah, the stem cells take up to 60 days to start taking an effect of any kind Yeah, uh-huh. Oh shit. Yeah. Oh All right, Tony thinks stem cell injections is when, I haven't actually gotten them quite yet.

Starting point is 01:26:07 I had to reschedule. Oh, well, look at you. Rescheduling on God's work, amazing. Tony thinks stem cell injections is when a guy comes in his ass. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is.

Starting point is 01:26:33 Red band is the only guy I know who thinks I can't believe it's not butter is stem cells. Jesus Christ, this fucking guy's roasting us. Can you believe that? All we do is help them. All we've ever done has been nice. We give you every opportunity, put you up in arenas and shit, and then here you come.

Starting point is 01:26:49 I guess my ass is filled with cum. Okay, I just nod along to that. Very good. Amazing. Oh, you're laughing? Oh, you have ability to use your voice box to laugh all of a sudden? He's faking it.

Starting point is 01:27:06 I call it like I see it. All right, well. Amazing. I love it. What else is going on, Aaron Belial? I was sitting at my desk with my regular paychecks and free healthcare thinking, how can I make my life worse? The closest thing I have,

Starting point is 01:27:29 I was sitting at my desk with my regular paychecks. Oh shit. Oh no. Yeah, that's right. You make fun of me, I fuck with your Bluetooth. I quit my job this morning. I have that kind of power here. Shit.

Starting point is 01:27:41 Wow. Wow. Are you getting a phone call right now? What is happening? Oh, I don't get I don't think I warned Gary. This is Aaron Belial. He has cerebral palsy that affected his voice box so he can't speak. This is Gary Falcon. Hi, how are you? Are you Stephen Calking? Yep, I said it. I'm good, how are you? I'm good, I love you. Uh oh, here it comes. I like you too.

Starting point is 01:28:22 Thank you. This is absolutely adorable. You know what? I'm going to give you guys $200 to go on a date. See, I'm nice. Look at Tony over there. Yeah, he looks like the center square on the AIDS quilt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh Aaron what else is going on? Texas is a hard lifestyle.

Starting point is 01:28:56 I can't shoot a gun. I can't paddle board. All this fucking brisket is making my ass bleed. What the fuck do you fucking people have against fucking broccoli? What the fuck do you fucking people have against fucking broccoli? This is going on tonight with you. You got a wild thumb over there. And why is it so goddamn hot? It's 110 degrees and I can barely walk. Without everything below the waist glued together.

Starting point is 01:29:29 That's true. That's true. I think pants ought to be illegal instead of fucking abortions. That's absolutely true. I agree with everything that you're saying. I know you're giving yourself one thumb down, but I'm giving it two thumbs up. I was walking up 6th Street the other day, and my laces came undone and I can't tie.

Starting point is 01:30:00 So I asked a security guard to help me with it. And he said, his words not mine. Sorry, I'm not a faggot. Wow. I would have tied it for you and then sucked your fucking cock. Okay, shut up. We're friends. I wouldn't suck his cock. I'd fuck him in the ass.

Starting point is 01:30:20 All right. What else, Aaron? Yes, you would. Yes, you would. Yes, you would. You don't get to decide when it sounds like a question, do you? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, that's you. Oh, very good. That's you. Red band. Jesus. The Olympics is to normal people like normal people are to disabled people.

Starting point is 01:30:50 You are impressed to see people pole vaulting. I'm impressed to see the fat people at Walmart reach the top shelf. It is, with the Walmart Olympics. Aaron, we love you. Anything else? Oh shit. It's gonna hit all the buttons at once. Aaron, we love you. Anything else? Oh, shit. All right.

Starting point is 01:31:09 It's gonna hit all the buttons at once. This is like when they do a fireworks thing and they accidentally light all the fireworks. You know what I mean? I can drop and sip and see. What the fuck do you have against fucking broccoli? What the fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck do you have a rock, rock, rock, broccoli?

Starting point is 01:31:24 What the fuck do you have against broccoli? Happy birthday! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Starting point is 01:31:32 Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Anything else? Not my best line. Okay.

Starting point is 01:31:39 I just announced a huge tour for the rest of 2024. I'm doing some dates with Martin Phillips and Heath Cortez too. Check it out. MuteComedian.com. I'm doing some dates with Martin Phillips and Heath Cordes too. Check it out. MuteComedian.com. I love it. MuteComedian.com. Aaron Belial, Martin Phillips, and Heath Cordes.

Starting point is 01:31:58 Joining forces, which is incredible. Because together, there are one... Hey, Tony, I've got to go to the bathroom. I've got to leave. Yeah.. Hey Tony, I gotta go to the bathroom. I gotta leave. Yeah. Is that okay? Yeah, go to the bathroom, come back. Yeah, and then you're gonna come back.

Starting point is 01:32:10 I have to go adult potty. Yeah, go potty. Go adult potty. Yeah. I have to make it number two. Yeah, it's okay. Might be three. It might be.

Starting point is 01:32:19 Might be a three. Wait, what's a number three? Splattergories? Spidergories? Splattergories. Spidergories? Splattergories, maybe, yeah. I have to go adult potty. Okay. All right.

Starting point is 01:32:30 You want us to- Pray for me? Yeah. Yeah, let's all pray for me and my potty. Hallelujah! This is how we potty! Pfft. Ladies and gents-

Starting point is 01:32:42 I have to take like what, three stairwells? Yeah, we're gonna have someone take you directly to the VIP restroom. Erectly? Yeah. Erectly. Erectly. Yes. We're going to have someone take you right there.

Starting point is 01:32:55 Okay, great. Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon, we love Gary Falcon, Gary Falcon. We love Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon. We love Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon. We love Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon.

Starting point is 01:33:13 We love Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon. We love Gary Falcon. Gary Falcon. We love Gary Falcon. You guys are running out of energy over here. I thought I wrote a good song there. I guess not.

Starting point is 01:33:26 You guys still with us? All right, we're gonna keep it moving along here while Gary goes potpots. And ladies and gentlemen, I've pulled the name out of the bucket. Here we go, make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Chin-Way. Chin-Way.

Starting point is 01:33:44 Oh my goodness, Chin-Way. Chin-Way. Oh, my goodness, Chin-Way. What up, y'all? I got some jokes. My ex called me up the other day, tells me you were the worst sex I've ever had in my life. Because of you, I am now into women. Hangs up. Now, that hurts because, honestly, I thought that he wasn't half bad.

Starting point is 01:34:09 Do y'all remember the beginning of COVID? A lot of people they didn't believe it. They were skeptical. Not me. I had it right off the bat. You know when I was a child I used to love monkey bars. Well, that's what my grandfather would call rap music. You know, I don't think I could ever date a girl that's tried to kill herself before. She sounds like she's got commitment issues. I'm guessing that's the minute, eh? Very good. Chin way. Very good. I like it. Chin, how long you been doing stand-up comedy?

Starting point is 01:35:04 Since March and November of 2021. November of 2021? But I've been kind of slacking for the year and a half of it. How come you've been slacking? I don't know. I don't know what happened. I kind of got bored of the Bay Area. I'm from the Bay Area. I didn't really like the scene. And kind of, you know, I don't know. Saved up a little bit, came here.

Starting point is 01:35:16 And now I'm finally getting the wheels rolling, you know. Okay. Absolutely. Okay. So you live in the Bay Area still? No, no. I'm here now. I moved here in March. You moved here in March. Very good. How do you like Austin, Texas? I'm loving it. I'm hearing way more country than hip-hop. Life's alright. I love it. People are more cordial.

Starting point is 01:35:41 It's good. What do you do for a living? I'm a little server. I'm a little breakfast joint. Okay, how old are you? I'm 26 26 very good and Okay, did you go to college I did I spent five years in Boulder Yeah, I did a lot of asset kind of develop my personality there And that was before we was legal and now California so I went there wait what that was before weed was legal in California, so I went there. Wait, what? That was before weed was legal in California, so I caught the wave.

Starting point is 01:36:12 Hell yeah. Just a through and through piece of shit. I don't know. No, no, no. You're good. You look like you're smoking good stuff. Yeah, his weed's so good, by the way. He's not even Asian, people.

Starting point is 01:36:24 You have no idea. This is all natural. Colorado weed will do that to you. Okay. So, you said that you sing. What kind of- Sorry? Did you say that you sing?

Starting point is 01:36:38 No, no, I wish. Oh, I heard- That's his last name. The coolest thing in the world. Right, I agree. Do you have any special skills or talents? I play a lot of poker. Oh, I heard... That's his last name. The coolest thing in the world. Right. I agree. Do you have any special skills or talents? I play a lot of poker.

Starting point is 01:36:48 I'm real proud of that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just a real... We're a gambler. Yeah. That kind of deal. How's that working out for you? We run like, not too well.

Starting point is 01:36:59 Not too well. I wonder if I can hold him in Texas, you know? I don't know. Yeah, it's tough. Is that what you do? Your poker's your game? Yeah, poker and yeah, it's only fair because you know when you're set at slots,

Starting point is 01:37:11 they never bring you drinks. But if you sit at the poker table, you know? Yeah. And they're always there. You like drinking too. And there you go. What's your drink of choice? I'm kind of trashy.

Starting point is 01:37:22 I like rum and Coke. Oh yeah. Captain Morgan? Sailor Jerry's actually. Sailor Jerry? Wow. Wow. Bringing me back to college. Look at you and you smoke weed every day? Yeah. That's okay. It's okay. I'm not your dad. You can tell me. It's okay. Do your parents know? We had an Asian comedian up earlier whose parents were supportive of his arts. I think supportive is a strong word.

Starting point is 01:37:58 I think throwing the towel is the right way to put it. I don't know about that one. Incredible. Incredible. What else do you do for fun, Shin? I like golf. I like fishing. You really play golf? You have like your own clubs? Yeah, I got this set of Ben Hogan's from like 1980. It's pretty cool. Wow. How did you get those?

Starting point is 01:38:18 Found it at someone's garage sale. They were selling it for like 10 bucks a club. I was like, I'll take the whole iron set, you know? Wow. It's a good deal. you seem like a fun guy yeah I'm happy you think that Tony it's really cool like happy no don't red band see you took a good moment you made it all weird and racist. Don't, no, don't, don't, no. Stop it. Red man. He's out of control.

Starting point is 01:38:52 Don't, don't mind him. So Chin, tell us something else interesting about your life. Do you talk to your parents often? Yeah, yeah, they're cool. I think they love me. Yeah. All these fake agents. But like nobody else, you know.

Starting point is 01:39:07 I think that's kind of how I would describe it. You have siblings? I do, I have an older sister. What does she do? She's like kind of like the pride and joy of the family. Engineer? Yeah, no, I think like bioengineer or something like that. 4.0.

Starting point is 01:39:20 Yep. How old is she? You know, respectable. Just's calmed down here. Is she into dying, bloated, drowning victims? There you go. They all are. No, I just think of my uncle recently. They all are.

Starting point is 01:39:33 It was... I love it. Amazing. Wow. Chin. Incredible. How's your love life in Austin going? Oh, it's going, you know?

Starting point is 01:39:44 No. We're looking around, you know? Yeah, looking around. We're gonna get the ball rolling. It's the, it's going, you know? No. We're looking around, you know? Yeah, looking around. We're gonna get the ball rolling. Same deal with comedy, you know? I've been kind of slacking a little. Have you been on a date? Oh, no, I haven't.

Starting point is 01:39:52 Have you kissed a girl since you moved to Austin, Texas? Oh, man, why you gotta cut so deep right now, my dog? You haven't? No. Is there a woman out there? You know, we have the best fans in the world here on Killtony. There is?

Starting point is 01:40:10 Are you willing, lady? It's gotta be, you agree to it. Wait a second, hold on, get up here. Wait, we know this young lady. Holy shit. A legend of the game. Ladies and gentlemen, oh my god. It's about to go down.

Starting point is 01:40:34 You ever had a fucking straight up cougar before? Tony the matchmaker. Dude, you're about to fucking get it, Chin. I don't think you know what the fuck's going on. Oh my god Oh my god It goes hard in the pain on this Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:41:08 Oh my... Oh my God. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Could you stay on here with me? Oh my God. I'm literally watching him grow facial hair in real time.

Starting point is 01:41:27 It's coming, it's coming. This is incredible. How old are you? I'm 26 baby, old enough. She thought you were 17 for a second. I just shaved today, that's probably my fault. Now you've done this before, am I correct? Yeah, yeah. No, I've never done this before, am I correct? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:41:45 You've been on the show. No, I've never done it before. Remind me of your name, I'm sorry. Oh, Chinn Wayan. I go through a lot of people. Not you, Chinn, I'm talking to her. You're not in Asia anymore. Let the woman speak.

Starting point is 01:41:57 Put the mic in front of her face, Chinn. My name's Lori. Lori? Lori. What? I'm the therapist, not the rapist. Right. You're a therapist. I'm the therapist, not the rapist. Right.

Starting point is 01:42:06 You're a therapist. I'm a therapist. And you've been on before. I have. That's right. Look at you. Aren't you just so much fun? My goodness.

Starting point is 01:42:15 Isn't it funny how looks may be deceiving? This is her second time kissing a young man on this show. You know, I worry about the last 25 year old. What about that? He could be doing better or worse. The last guy, he was only 25. He'd been here about six months, no kisses. Oh!

Starting point is 01:42:33 Absolutely incredible. Maybe he got a date or maybe he's gay too now. Anything can happen. You are a killer. Personally, I'm still gay. Yeah. And I- You are. And I'm getting all the action, I'm still gay. Yeah. You are.

Starting point is 01:42:47 And I'm getting all the action. You look like you beat Les B in the video game. It is incredible. The final boss. I mean, it's incredible. Absolutely amazing. I mean, Chin, would you be willing to wear a wig and eat her pussy tonight?

Starting point is 01:43:08 As long as it's on camera. What? Hell yeah, you guys eat bats. You'll definitely eat old pussy. I'll put anything on the plate, motherfucker. I love it. Absolutely incredible. Lori, you have the best fucking sense of humor. I don't know how in the world such a powerful lesbian

Starting point is 01:43:28 gets our show so well and loves it so much, but I love that we have the kind of range to have the fucking head coach of a WNBA team here. Coming up, kissing boys. Absolutely unbelievable that this is the second time that you've done this, and none of the times you called for the manager afterwards. It is absolutely amazing.

Starting point is 01:43:57 Lori, how about you get a big joke book? I can't believe you don't remember me. I mean, I was famous in San Angelo after this. You were what? Famous in San Angelo. In San Angelo? Ooh. After Kill Tony.

Starting point is 01:44:12 After Kill Tony, they found out about you. Do you get recognized on the streets sometimes? A lot. Really? This show's crazy. I like always forget that like all of a sudden you can be like extremely, especially you. Cause I bet sometimes they think you're me.

Starting point is 01:44:27 They're like, hey, I know you from Kill Tony, you're the host, right? Got some sun in. See, self deprecation, ladies and gentlemen. You are so special. What do you do for work, Lori? Are you like really what I think you are? What do you think I am?

Starting point is 01:44:45 Gym teacher? Stop, Jesus. What do you do for work? I'm a physical therapist. Oh, that's right, absolutely. And I play with horses. Oh, you do play with horses? And people trust me with their children.

Starting point is 01:45:02 Absolutely incredible. Wow, amazing. You're actually pretty hot for an old dyke, you know that? Here's a big joke book, that's for you. I love you. Lori, you're a fucking legend. How about a hand for Lori, ladies and gentlemen?

Starting point is 01:45:23 Hey, Chen, I would love to have you do the secret show. Five minutes on the secret show. Wait, you want to do the secret show on Thursday? You want to do the secret show? This guy's fucking all of his bloods to his cock right now. I'm here, sorry. He's like, oh, I made it with a resmin. I can't think right now.

Starting point is 01:45:38 Everything's in here. I made it with a resmin. I have not had pussy, but I tasted it when I kissed the Rory You're on the secret show on Thursday you kissed up yes sir aiming bull dyke Absolutely incredible night for you. Yes Chin way ladies and gentlemen there he goes Chin way, ladies and gentlemen, there he goes. Thank you so much. Have a great night.

Starting point is 01:46:08 God damn. How about one more fucking time for Lori, huh? Let me buy her a drink, by the way. You know what, Lori? You and your crew are invited to Mitzis afterwards. How about that? That's a cool thing. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:46:27 All right. The band is amazing. So subtle. Your next bucket pull is from the inside, ladies and gentlemen. It is one of you representing you, this audience on this night. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds uninterrupted for one of your very own. He goes by the name of Jason Elrod. Oh, from right in the front. Here we go.

Starting point is 01:46:57 Jason Elrod. He was on recently. Oh, I remember that. That was the guy who was funnier than his friend. Ah, ladies and gentlemen, his second time ever on stage. This or on this stage, this is Jason Elrod. So I like to hear about all the things that people do to get themselves off entertains me. Spitting, slapping, name-calling, autoerotic asphyxiation. But my favorite thing I've heard about is where guys

Starting point is 01:47:35 like to sit on their hand until it falls asleep and then they jerk themselves off. Anybody know what that's called? Thank you, the stranger. Who said that? Actually like eight guys said that but... So here's what I like to do. I like to sit on my left hand about ten minutes till it loses all the feeling in it. And then I slap the shit out of my kids. And it feels like another parent is doing it. I call that the stepdad. Thank you, that's my time.

Starting point is 01:48:36 All right, another remix of the stranger joke that we've heard a couple times before on the show, but it's okay. Everybody's gotta do it. So how many times have you done stand-up? Let's find out about your actual life. Let's ignore the set and just move on to a rock solid interview here, Jason. How many times?

Starting point is 01:48:49 I don't know, I've been doing it about 10 months-ish. So. Who does he sound like? You sound like somebody. You said my voice was weird last time too. Yeah, you sound like somebody. I'm just gonna keep asking you questions while I figure out who you sound like.

Starting point is 01:49:06 Since the last time you were on, is there anything in the interview portion that you realize that that would be interesting to bring up in the interview portion of the show? By your entire life? Really? You can reference anything at this point? Well, you didn't ask me what the most interesting thing about me was. And my pre planned answer before was that I delivered my son via water birth at home. and my pre-planned answer before was that I delivered my son via water birth at home.

Starting point is 01:49:29 Wow, the poor man's birth. Wow. My goodness. Was it water or was it Mountain Dew? It seems incredible. We ran a hose from the shower to the bedroom to an inflatable tub. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:49:48 And the thing is, it was February and the tub water got cold eventually. So I had to like pale buckets of water out the fucking window and then run new hot water in like every hour or so. The most white trash childbirth I've ever heard of in my entire life. Did you give the kid a white trash name, boy or girl? It's Hunter. All right.

Starting point is 01:50:14 It's a Hunter, so was it a boy or a girl? Ah, I got you. Um, okay, so you had a boy. It's Hunter. Is that your only kid? No, I have a daughter as well. Okay, how old are these kids? Hunter's 16 and my daughter Ava is 11. Wow, and they're in school? You enrolled them in school? Are they making bombs in the woods right now? Me and Hunter's mom were super crunchy hippies. We tried to keep him like off the grid. That lasted like two years. And then we got him all his shots

Starting point is 01:50:48 and a social security number. So I was actually correct. Yeah. Sometimes you think I'm being funny up here. Turns out I'm a fucking psychic. Wow. So you guys were off the grid. When you say crunchy hippies, I've never heard that terminology before,

Starting point is 01:51:06 what do you mean by that? Give us some examples of what were the most crunchy hippie things about you. Let's start with longest you've gone without showering. Yeah, I'm about, like, three days right now. Right now? Yeah. Oh, fucking absolutely fucking disgusting.

Starting point is 01:51:23 It's been a busy, I've been busy. I'm absolutely disgusting. I swear to God, I've had three showers today. I wake up, I shower. I get in the cold plunge, I shower. I go swimming, I shower. I hit the sauna, I shower. I got a haircut today, guess what?

Starting point is 01:51:44 Showered afterwards. I took a nap. Got ready for work. Showered. And then there's you. Red band shits himself. There you go. There's a little contribution from Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. A little footnote, if you will. A little co-author.

Starting point is 01:52:03 Adding a contribution. The William to my Shakespeare, if you will. Shit myself, shower. Dark noise. All right, so, okay, you've gone three days right now. Do you not like it? I've always wanted, let me just really talk to you for a second, because I've always wondered, do people not like showers as much as I do?

Starting point is 01:52:29 Is it something in my genetics? Because my mom always had this thing where she would always go, you know, the one thing that I never take for granted is a nice hot shower. It's the most lovely thing in the world. Maybe she instilled that in me. Maybe she raised me kind of, not OCD,

Starting point is 01:52:43 because I just love it. It's not like a thing, ICD because I just love it it's not like a thing I go to you where it's like oh yeah I feel so fucking good you answer now what the fuck is wrong with you I want to know do you not find it unbelievably enjoyable no I fucking love it I've just been busy as fuck the last well it was a 16-hour drive to, bro. I've been literally sitting around papers every waking hour of every day that just say Madison Square Garden and have different comedians names and things that I want to do with these shows. I mean, I'm busy motherfucker. I'm busy like you could never fathom. We are fucking

Starting point is 01:53:23 whatever 12 days away from two nights back-to-back at Madison Square Garden you're fucking telling me you're fucking busy doing what emptying an ashtray what are you busy doing and tell me what the fuck is so busy about you so I actually I was setting up a podcast studio for a actually Layla Ingalls came over to my spot to do a podcast red band call me for a titty fuck. Fuck is that? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:53:53 What are you talking about? So I stayed up. I stayed up late setting up a podcast and the next day we had a roast show and actually got, I think I got perma banned from the bar for doing ketamine with some random guy. And then, uh, then today I drove 16 hours to get here. I just didn't have time. You drove 16 hours to be here today? I drove about 12 hours from Nashville where I did a pit stop at my

Starting point is 01:54:25 sister's but four hours from Cincinnati to Nashville. You didn't want to shower at your sister's? It was late and I didn't want to like inconvenience them and I'm like... Don't you think it's more of an inconvenience to sleep somewhere all stinky? I thought of that but I was like it, I'm tired. Doesn't it make you sleep better if you feel clean? Yes, but I had to make a decision, and I'm like, I need at least four hours of fucking sleep before I do the... You don't think three hours and 50 minutes of sleep

Starting point is 01:54:58 with clean balls would have been better than what you have going on, that fucking baked potato you got down there. No, it... Yeah, dude. You know what? I didn't want to inconvenience the person I'm staying with here either. You know what? I've never done this before, but I think we should have

Starting point is 01:55:20 Laurie smell your balls right now. No, I'm kidding, Laurie. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh, my God, we found Lori's girlfriend over here. Look at this Targaryen dragon queen over here. Holy shit. Look at the silver locks on this one. Oh, my God. Are you Lori's lady?

Starting point is 01:55:42 Did I find it? No? But you eat pussy, am I correct? No! Well then get up here and smell this balls. What are you talking about? Jesus, what's your fucking problem? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:55:56 All right. So what makes you a crunchy hippie before I let you out of here? I mean, I used to follow fish and have dreadlocks and sell LSD to strangers and... All right, that qualifies you. You are indeed a crunchy hippie. Where are you sleeping tonight?

Starting point is 01:56:15 What's your plan for now? I want you to find a shower. It's not that you're a smelly guy. I can't smell anything. I'm sure there's even smellier people probably here. There's probably a different ethnicities and whatnot that compared to a white guy with three days. I mean, some of these people out here,

Starting point is 01:56:36 I don't know if you know. What do you think the smelliest race is, if you had to guess? Oh, white people. Okey dokey, all right. He actually started to answer there. I'm gonna stop you there. All right. He actually started to answer there. I'm going to stop you there. All right.

Starting point is 01:56:47 You were on before and you got a big joke book. Am I correct? Correct. Well, there you go. Use it. Try to dig deep, man. You got to find original stuff that applies to your life. I dragged so much interesting shit out of you in this interview.

Starting point is 01:57:02 You need to be talking about that. You need to be talking about a crunchy hippie. You need to talk about how you need a shower, what you did today, and all this crazy shit. You know what I mean? I'm working on the personal stuff. You're green. You're trying to make people laugh. That's what you're trying to do,

Starting point is 01:57:18 and what you need to do is corny as it sounds, and I can't believe I'm getting this serious on an episode this funny. But you've got to really come from within, within your perspective. it sounds, and I can't believe I'm getting this serious on an episode this funny, but you gotta really come from within, within your perspective. Talk about giving a white trash water birth and dumping water out of a fuckin', probably an apartment window, not a house, right?

Starting point is 01:57:36 I have a bit about that, but it didn't get laughed, so I've never tried it again. Real works, doesn't need to get laughs at some fucking janky open mic in the outskirts of Tennessee. You need to fucking keep trying that stuff. Don't try this stuff that gets laughs in front of shitty audiences at a shitty bar somewhere. I appreciate that.

Starting point is 01:57:58 Stay loyal to yourself. Thank you. There goes Jason Elrod. A touching, deep, artistic moment for me. And by the way, Leila. Oh, oh, we do know Leila. We know Leila. She's awesome.

Starting point is 01:58:10 Leila is that little smoke show that was on before. Leila. Yeah, and she refuses to leave Ohio. It's a very sad story. She'll be dead soon. She'll die slowly, yet fast in Ohio. No, I'm kidding. Shout out Leila. Okay, one fast in Ohio. No, I'm kidding. Shout out Layla.

Starting point is 01:58:25 Okay, one final bucket pull. Sound good? Where the fuck is Gary Falcon at? He really had to go potty, huh? All right. One final bucket pull. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Anthony Walton, everybody.

Starting point is 01:58:45 Anthony Walton. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Howdy!

Starting point is 01:58:56 Oh boy, I used to get bullied a lot. At home. Yeah, Mexicans are vicious, you know, they like to pick your biggest insecurity and use it as your nickname I Wasn't secure about looking Asian As most of you probably thought They used to call me Chino which just translates to Chinese and Then sing the song Chino Chino,ones Coma Kaka Nome Desu which just means Chinese Chinese Japanese eat shit but don't give me any

Starting point is 01:59:41 those fun to hear as a child, you know? You know, first all my cousins will call me Chino, then the kids, then all the teachers, which people thought it was my real name. Which I guess makes more sense than Anthony. Fuck yeah. Anthony Walton. Amazing. Fuck yeah. Anthony Walton.

Starting point is 02:00:07 Amazing. So what ethnicity are you, Lord of the Chipmunks? I was white and Mexican. White and Mexican. Yes, but if I do this, I look pretty Asian. You do. Yeah, you do. Absolutely.

Starting point is 02:00:24 What do you do for work? I do groundskeeping for apartments. Yep, you do. Absolutely. What do you do for work? I do groundscaping for apartments. Yep. You're Mexican. You kind of, you kind of is that say that I say what you do for work again? Groundscaping like I just pick up like maintenance for apartments, which a pro tip for... Hank Hill that I'm hearing? What is that? I'll do groundskeeping for apartments. Everybody's kind of sounding weird to me tonight. That's what happens with my dad being white you know he's it was like

Starting point is 02:01:00 Hank Hill RIP. It was like Hank Hill, RIP. Alright. Grounds keeping for apartments. Have you ever noticed somebody frantically throwing water out of a second floor apartment at any point? You're like, well, I guess I don't need to water that part of the lawn today. My goodness, I'm a real Mexican. Not in my property. Joe White here. The photographer, is he here tonight? Bring Joe up here. I want Joe

Starting point is 02:01:34 White is a special treat for y'all. You're going to get to meet the, uh, you sound like a 150 year old white guy. I'm going to introduce you to Joe White, ladies and gentlemen. Where is he at? I'm going to get him up here. You're not going to believe what he sounds like. Is Joe here? Is he coming? He's coming.

Starting point is 02:01:52 Where is he coming from? I was having a cigarette in the green room. I can't believe it. Tony said he wanted me to come on the show, and I don't know why. I don't know what this could possibly mean or be. I don't think I sound like a young Mexican boy but it turns out god damn it in this instance I do. You guys sound alike. You're gonna love this. Here he comes ladies and gentlemen we had to get him out of his coffin. Truly this guy one

Starting point is 02:02:23 of one of the oldest men on planet Earth, ladies and gentlemen. He's been our photographer ever since Vulcan Gas Company. Keep coming. I don't even know how to get on the damn stage. Shit. I've been shooting the pictures for so goddamn long, I've never even been on this stage before. This is all new to me. Do I have to empty my pockets too? I've been a goddamn photographer. Oh shit. Say it into the microphone, Joe. All right, I'm gonna ask you guys a question. You're going to answer first, and then you're going to answer second, and we're gonna see exactly how alike you guys sound.

Starting point is 02:03:26 So, oh boy. All right. So, all right, here is the question. Pfft. All right, Anthony, Anthony, what do you get if you mix the color red and yellow? Red yellow, you get some brown. Purple. No you get orange.

Starting point is 02:04:04 Okay. No, you get orange. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay, next question. What is the first verse of the national anthem? Fuck. Don't help him, Joe. Joe, don't talk to him. You have to sing the national anthem. What would be the words of the song?

Starting point is 02:04:31 You don't have to sing it. Just say it. Oh, oh, country tis of thee? That's... All right, Joe White. Oh, say can you see? This is incredible. You're being out-trived by a 1,000-year-old man right now.

Starting point is 02:04:57 Not a lot of people know this, but the first pictures that Joe White took was actually at the Last Supper. All right, y'all, now I need you to get on one side of the table for me. Freeze-frying. Ha ha ha. All right. So let's do a little special spelling bee round, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 02:05:23 This is the spelling bee portion of the dumbass Olympics live here on an episode of Kill Tony. Are you a good speller, Anthony? No, I'm pretty good. No. Joe, you're not a good speller? You're a good speller. Okay, here we go. The word is cinnamon. Anthony will go first with the word cinnamon and his old white guy voice. Here we go. I C I N M M O N. That is yet amazingly incorrect. You you managed to miss the easiest letter in the entire word. Ladies and gentlemen, hold on Joe, hold on. Ladies and gentlemen, spelling cinnamon,

Starting point is 02:06:12 this is Joe White. C-I-M-M-A-M-O-N. Very good, he did it again. He did it again. Make some noise for Joe White, ladies and gentlemen, a legend of the show. The man behind the pictures you see. Sometimes it's the great Troy Conrad as well, but Joe's been with us since the Vulcan days.

Starting point is 02:06:37 He's here every single Monday. He is the head of photography here at the mothership, believe it or not. I know, it's crazy to think that there's a man that can not get an erect penis anymore taking the pictures here at the mothership I'm kidding Mexico photos no I'm kidding he goes on vacations and somehow is surrounded by hot bitches all the time we're not kidding smoke cigarettes give it up for this mother he does he gets hard you motherfucker. He does. He gets hard.

Starting point is 02:07:05 You get hard, right Joe? Yeah, he gets hard. He can... Yeah, I'll get hard. I'll get hard as a goddamn rock. I was there when the wheel was built. All right. Anthony, you've been on this show before?

Starting point is 02:07:21 I've been on a road show like 2019 in Dallas. Okay. All right. Well, guess what my friend? You're getting a little joke book. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, Anthony Walton, everybody. Goodbye, Anthony. I didn't know whether you wanted me to leave or not. I didn't even know. All right. Well, I don't know if you guys noticed,

Starting point is 02:07:54 but the Big Red Machine is here. So if he's here, then who will close the show? I present to you one of the greatest additions If he's here, then who will close the show? I present to you one of the greatest additions to the show in its history, a man that we are on a mission from God to make a goddamn American. He is, without a doubt, the one and only Estonian assassin.

Starting point is 02:08:24 This is Ari Mati! ["Ari Mati"] ["Ari Mati"] Yo, yo. What's crack-a-lackin'? I was walking home shit-faced the other day. I was walking home by Lady Bird Lake. The next day I get back to the club,

Starting point is 02:08:52 the other comedians are like, hey, Ari, you don't do that. Because apparently there's a gay guy out there murdering gay guys. Because apparently there's a gay guy out there murdering gay guys. Now, I don't want to be homophobic, but ain't no gay guy gonna get me. You're not gonna catch me, brother.

Starting point is 02:09:24 Dude, I have a fully heterosexual sprint, dude. Aerodynamic, trauma-filled, might-be closeted. You're not gonna catch me with a... So fucking good. Not gonna catch me with a skip. Ari Mati ladies and gentlemen. Absolutely incredible. Fantastic fucking new minute.

Starting point is 02:10:04 Absolutely amazing. It's such a stupid joke. No, it's great. It's great. How's it going, Ari? Going great, you know. It's plenty of opportunities here. The visa is looking better and better. People are saying, yeah, the Estonian Assassin, I don't think that's good for immigration.

Starting point is 02:10:25 To have a nickname! Tony, isn't that girl, the cougar, the one that he kissed last time she was... Wait. Was it Laurie? No, I remember my angel, it wasn't her. Oh. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:10:41 My angel with the mama-loos. Mm-hmm. What are mama-loos. What are mama-loos? Big old tits. Those are big old tits, Michael Gonzalez. Those are tits. Gonzalez knows what's up.

Starting point is 02:10:52 Hell yeah. Tits ever heard of them, Tony? What are tits? What are those? Ew. We can talk about it. Gross. Ew, you mean those flesh bags?

Starting point is 02:11:00 I'm not even into those. Ew, gross. Ew, you mean those flashbacks? I'm not even into those. All right. I have huge balls that you would love. Ooh. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing,

Starting point is 02:11:19 boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing I love bowls, bowls of ice cream, bowls of pasta. I love it, Ari. What else is going on in the world? I don't know, you know, just, you know, that's the hardest part about the interview that, you know, like Hans Kim is buying AR-15s and shit. Cam is buying cars, you know, hanging out with chicks, dude. I'm just chilling and being happy. I love it. William, you've been closing the show for years.

Starting point is 02:11:49 What do you think about the great Ari Mati here? I think Ari is a wonderful pleasure. It's been a wonderful pleasure for me to get to know him. And I got to start right. We got to start riding bicycles together. I'm in a pussy, Tony. I got to start doing it with you. We got to start biking. But I think he's wonderful at comedy. He's a breath of fresh air. I love you so much. And he really is when he says he's hanging out with some chicks. Oh my gosh. Y'all should see his fucking ass at the Mitzis place after these different girls. They're all like actresses from Romania or wherever you're from Estonia. I'm kidding, yes, they're all from.

Starting point is 02:12:26 But it seems like he's doing good. Keep it up, you're doing great. Yeah, I have my like Estonian angels that sometimes come and visit, you know? Amazing. I love Estonian girls because you know, American girls are all like, I think, you know? Right.

Starting point is 02:12:45 Right, Estonian girls are honest about what they want. They don't know shit, dude. I love a girl that's fucking retarded. I wanna drew Nickens with a pussy, you know what I'm saying? She don't know callback, she don't know techniques, she thinks stand up is magic, dude. My ex-girlfriend was from the hills, dude. You want to DM my girl, I have a right. Fuck you. So fucking funny. Absolutely amazing. Well, Ari, I'm very

Starting point is 02:13:43 excited about your Estonian ascent to the mountaintop. Yeah, it's crazy. Watching it in real time. I know a lot that's going on behind the scenes and right down the road and right around the corner. It's a crazy ride, dude. It is crazy. It's amazing to watch a star actually go like a stranger in Estonia to a full-blown You know global superstar. Yes, so deserved you're so funny. Thank you so much hilarious on stage

Starting point is 02:14:14 And off and all around and everywhere. We sit the stonia. It's great There you go. It's a little gift from the Tourism Association of Estonia. I Love it. Did you guys have fun tonight? The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in. It is absolutely incredible. It is indeed William Montgomery and Gary Falcon. It is amazing.

Starting point is 02:14:44 RyanJEbelt.com to check that out. Perhaps buy the print. How about one more time for Gary Falcon, everybody, who didn't get to make it back. He's on the potty still. Gary wanted you to go watch Nick Swartzen's new special, Make Joke From Face. It's on YouTube. Find it,

Starting point is 02:15:07 track it down. It's Nick Swartz since new special. It's so interesting watches when comedians do that, they promote other comedians. That's so nice of Gary to, you know, he could have plugged anything he wanted. Instead, he goes to one of the greatest comedians of all time. He promotes him, Nick Swartz. And so make sure you check out Nick Swartz and special make joke from face. Why not watch it right now? Since this episode is over and you can like and subscribe to this show. A lot of people watch the show, but we need you to subscribe. This is what people have been telling me to say.

Starting point is 02:15:44 My producer, Yoni, gets very excited when I say the word subscribe. Our episode with Shane Gillis had 15 million followers. Fifteen million. If they all subscribe, it'd be crazy. Yeah. Fifteen million viewers. If they all subscribe, that would be crazy. How about a hand for the big blue machine? William lights out Montgomery.

Starting point is 02:16:12 The cranberry from Canberra. The Sicilian from Saskatchewan. The mulberry from Maple Street. William, anything you want to plug or promote? Please find me on Cameo. Look at my Instagram. I'm still traveling all around doing shows. Look at my Instagram.

Starting point is 02:16:32 It has the dates and everything. Thank you. There you go. We did it again. The stream from Madison Square Garden. Still available to watch. You can wait and watch the censored version, but right now you can splurge and go watch it. Right now probably. And so that's

Starting point is 02:16:55 happening and we love you. Thanks to DraftKings, Game Time, Talk Space, a lot of fun stuff happening. One more time for the best damn band in the land. And how about one more time for one of the top Young Rising musicians in the world, Marcus King joining us tonight. Why don't you guys take us out with a little something, huh? There we go, thank you, good night. Love you guys. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 02:17:26 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 02:17:32 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 02:17:39 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And we just like to do it for fun, yeah, yeah Everything we do is on one And we just like doing it for fun, yeah

Starting point is 02:18:11 Everything we do is on one And we just like doing it for fun, yeah, yeah Everything we do is on one And we just like doing it for fun You with all the wine You with all the wine The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. Thanks for watching!

KILL TONY - KILL TONY #675

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.