KILL TONY - KILL TONY #771 - BRAD WILLIAMS + TIMMY NO BRAKES

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Brad Williams, Timmy No Brakes, Pat O'Neill, Dedrick Flynn, Martin Phillips, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Grooveline Horns, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 05/18/2026 This episode is sponsored by: Shopify: Launch your dream business with Shopify. Sign up for your $1/month trial at https://Shopify.com/KILLTONY & start selling today! ZipRecruiter: Try it FOR FREE at http://ZipRecruiter.com/KILLTONY Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for everything, the golden pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquod.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquod.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Toney. from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get it up for Tony! It's great! How about you make some noise for them? Huh? Feels good in here tonight. You are at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony brought to you this week by Netflix, everyone.

The roast of Kevin Hart is out now on Netflix. Believe it or not. Isn't that incredible? There you go, right on Q. And Kill Tony. Media shot live in Las Vegas on, came out on April 20th is also out. So go over to Netflix. Check out all your favorite things.

Shout out to Asphalt 3D, who makes a bunch of quirky, awesome 3D things. You know, there's a special thing, a little behind the scenes here that you guys don't know. When I take the names, I put them on a special thing with little magnets. And I know who was first and sixth and seventh all the way through to nine. And then I usually pick 10 or 11, just for sure. shits and giggles. There's little mic stands. There's the little clip on the mic. It's all made by asphalt 3D. So I'm about a hand for them, huh? And Netflix, you love Netflix. You all have money. You're here. Madison Square Garden, August 7th and August 8th. A lot of other fun things

happening. Tickets at Tony Hinchclip.com. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it tonight's episode possible for you right now. Starting something new is terrifying. I remember thinking, what if this fails? What if I put all this working for nothing. Who's going to want to watch an open mic on YouTube hosted by a roast god and a sound effects guy, but taking that leap ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made.

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Go to Shopify.com slash kiltony. That's Shopify.com slash kiltony. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Ladies and gentlemen, every single week, I book two of the funniest guests in the world this week. No different. Well, one guest this week.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for him. He is a brand new special out on YouTube. You know him, you love him. Make some noise for the great. Brad Williams, everybody. Come on and have a seat there. Special live on Short Street is on YouTube.com backslash Brad Williams.

Comedy. Welcome, Brad. Yeah, that's right. I'm actually not Brad. I'm just a new character from Adam Ray. Very advanced costume. Very advanced. It's amazing.

This makeup is incredible. How did he squeeze into that thing? I love it. Thank you for putting the booster seat on the chair, Tony. I really appreciate that. It's amazing. We're going to have so much fun tonight. It's been a while since you've been on the show.

Normally, I'd book a second guest, but I mean, oh, oh, shit. We know what this means. Normally a big second guest pops up on stage when the lights come back on. Let's see what happens here. All right. Wait, who's that? Wait, who the fuck is? It's Timmy Nobray!

Oh my God! He's over there! Man of the people. And the history of the show is joining us for his first time ever on panel. How the fuck are we doing? Hey, nice to meet you, young boy. That's good.

I'm Timmy. What's your name? Brad. Brad. Hell yeah. Timmy, welcome. Is this your son? We do both look like

reject Jeff Dunham puppets. Shut the fuck up. You need a nap, bitch. Oh my God. Get this guy a juice box. Come on. That actually sounds delicious right now. Heidi, if you get Brad a juice box, that'd be great.

Timmy No Breaks, ladies and gentlemen, one of the biggest stars in the history of this show. Biggest and blackest on YouTube, the new special. YouTube.com backslash Timmy, no breaks. exciting is this. Yeah, it was just a matter of time. Can we turn my microphone up and everybody's house down, please?

Is that possible? Also, why is mine red in yours as gold? What do you? You want to switch? Yeah. Okay. Change my mind. Whatever you want, Timmy. You get... Oh, wow, you literally don't know how to do this. If you talk to me like that, I'm going to hit you with this golden penis. I'm going to strike you, bitch.

Whatever Timmy wants is you know historically, I let him do in the show's history. He's the true alpha dog. How about one more time for the best damn band in all the land? Fernando Castillo Ramos or as I call them tres leches. With Michael Gonzalez,

they make up nachos Belgrade. This is the great Matt Mueling on the electric guitar, John B's on the Keys. And this is D. Madness, live in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Are you guys fans of the show at all? That's D. Madness, everybody. I don't know what's going on out there tonight.

But there's also a fucking robot here for some reason. I don't know why. I think the band got paid a certain amount of money or something. That's Neo. Neo, everybody. That's important that we say his name. There's a robot here. Okay.

Hi. Hello, Neo. You know how to wave. Hello, Neo. Very good. All right. Brad and Timmy, you guys know how the show works? Over 200 plus, maybe three.

Feels heavy tonight. There is a lot of names in this bucket. Signed up for the opportunity to get 60 seconds on this stage. You know, their time is up. you know, the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood Bear, which rudely interrupts them and cuts them off.

And then I conduct an interview. The entire thing is improvised. Absolutely anything can happen. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show, or what? Wow. Amazing. Guys, we're going to get it started with one of our new elite regulars. Now, he is a brand spanking new regular,

made a regular just last week. He was the first ever person upgraded from a golden ticket winner to a regular. You've seen him before. You know him. You love him. Now writing a brand new minute every single week. This is the first time he's ever been on the show, waking up that day, knowing he was going to be on the show. His first appearance is a regular.

Make some noise for the great. Pat O'Neill, everybody. So girls named America are always fucking Mexican. Think that's enough to fool us? Nice try. We've got problems in this country, folks. How do we stop homelessness? We tried fentanyl now.

What? There's only so many cigarettes I can lease. You aren't even supposed to call them homeless anymore, right? They prefer the term toilet protesters or something. It's hard to keep track of. People want to change the name of everything now. A few years ago, we got rid of the Redskins again. second time's a charm

something I think we need to change the name of is the NAACP the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People Whoa! What year is it? Should be the National Association for the Advancement of African American people. The NAA, AA,

AAP. Or more easily said, the NAPE. Oh. Okay. Oh, my God. The man has arrived. Un-fucking believable, my friend. You are so damn funny.

Thank you, buddy. Thank you. You just are so funny. The America joke, the fentanyl joke, the Redskins joke, and the nappy joke. All the way through. Batting a thousand. I want to talk to one of my, I mean,

absolute biggest superstars to see his thoughts on not only Pat O'Neill's set, but the regular ship that he has risen to. Yeah, you look like Rick and Morty. Look up, look. There's good stuff, Pat. Good stuff. Hang in there. You know? Keep signing up, Pat.

Oh, yeah. I forgot. There's a show going on. Amazing. Brad, you ever seen anybody quite like Pat O'Neill? I'm really happy you're here because now I'm not the weirdest fucker on this show. Pat, how's life going? This is your first week as a regular.

How's your life changed so far? Went out, hit the town, celebrated with a few surely temples, you know, just... Hell, yeah. Living life, I don't know. I love it. It is true. Pat is sober. Meanwhile, he looks like he's on a bit of everything.

It's absolutely... residual effects, but... Yeah. What have you done? Why are you sober? Can we talk about it? Or is it going to trigger you or something? Or was it just, did you do, like, all...

the Adderall all at once? How do you end up looking like that exactly? Well, Adderall, I don't consider a drug, but yeah, I stopped drinking. Nice. Things weren't going well drinking for Pat. Yeah. Stop that, and cocaine closes your nose, and I like to breathe when I sleep.

Very good. Pussy. I just say, I've been looking up to this man for some time now, nearly two months. You're not talking about him, right? I just never happened in my goddam. I was like, what the fuck you're talking about?

This guy's 11 years old. What are you fucking talking? This is my make-a-wish. You're going to die, my friend. Pat O'Neill, you're absolutely fantastic. Pat, you look like you have about five of me buried in your basement. Well, I do. Brad, take that again.

Take that roach again. take it again. It didn't hit. So I think if you take it again and you say, that's a punchline afterwards, it might hit harder. Let me just say. The only reason I don't think it hit is because I don't think it's believable that Pat O'Neill has a basement.

That's the only part I think was missing. If he would have said in his like vent ducks or something like that. See, yours didn't hit either. So I think you should take it from the top. And I think you should maybe act out a basement, be like, I'm in a basement. I'm giving advice you. I think you should take that from the top.

Do the act out again. Well, you take it in the bottom. You son of a bitch. Matt O'Neill, you got the show jump started. Thank you so much. The newest regular on Kiltony, Pat O'Neill, an undeniable force of nature. We're going to keep it moving.

This is an interesting name. Make some noise for your first fucking bowl of the night. You guys know how this works. We meet them all together. or anything can happen. Could be the next superstar, could be a one and out crazy person. Anything can happen. Makes the noise here first bucket bowl of the night. It's Darian Terry, everybody. Darian Terry. I mean, this right.

I imagine if you lived in a world that make you take a test to prove that you were not gay. And all they had to do was accuse you off it in public. And you had to take the test. Salem, witch trial style. Kind of like, hey, bro, I think you're gay. There's no way. There's no way. way that I'm gay. I have a wife and kids. No, I think you're gay and on the down low. All of a sudden the crowd surrounds the accused. Test, test, test. All of a sudden, you find yourself in gay court in front of an all-gay court judge. You sir have been accused of being gay on the down low. How do you plea? Not guilty. I'm a straight man. You said been found guilty of being gay and on the down low and have hereby been

sentenced to two years in an all gay facility. Dirty style. Get the oils. No! Take that, take that, take that. No, but you don't really be crazy though. If you were gay and you couldn't come out on your own accord, oh no, somebody wanted to strip that away from you. They wanted to do you dirty in front of your friends and family. All right. Wow. Okay, Derry and Terry. Welcome to the Is this your first time on this show? Yeah, yeah, it's my first time. Okay. Wow.

I'm not exactly sure where to begin here. I do. Yeah, Timmy. You're fucking gay, dude. This guy is talking about gay people the whole time. I'm like, have you looked in a fucking mirror? I love that. Yeah.

I love that. It is absolutely incredible. I don't exactly know how to upload this information that I'm gathering here. I mean, where are you from? Let's start there. I'm from Kansas, but I live here now. Okay. Yeah.

Why do you look like you went to Miami to get dipped in chocolate? Oh, good. I like that one, actually. Yeah, you know what? I love the Miami look. I think it's sexy. I think it's sexy to wear button-ups, and I think this look represents me well.

Okay. Timmy. No home open. Yeah, give it up for me. Okay, don't step on my punch. Okay, take it, right? Ready? Mr. T cells.

Okay. Isn't T cells like the gay thing? Yeah. That was fucking great. What's your problem? I just want to know where you shop because I'm pretty sure your shit would fit me. I love that shit.

Hey, T.J. Max, son? Oh, yeah. Or Ross. No, I know a Baby Gap shirt when I see it. Oh, the baby Gap? Terry. How long have you been on stand up? This is my first time.

You decided to start on Kill Tony. Fucky. Why haven't you done an open mic or anything like that to even prepare? Do you think you might just be doing this for vast amounts of attention? Well, I've always wanted to actually go on the show. It looks really fucking fun. It looks really fucking fun. So I was just like, ooh, and why not start at the top?

I'll tell you why. What if it goes terribly wrong? And then you got nothing. What do you do for work? What exactly? Who do you manage on only fans for a living? Oh, no, no. Actually, I work in the corporate world, so yeah, I work for an insurance company.

Really? You? Wow. Okay. Tell us more about your life, Gary. Well, I do a lot of, I work out a lot, I do a lot Jiu-Jitsu. I have a lot of fun, basically. Either I am working out doing Jiu-Jitsu.

Poppers. Training or really just hanging out, chilling. Yeah. Instead of one of those things, you could start writing jokes. I could do that too. I could do that too, yes, yes. Do you ever do any big jiu-jitsu tournaments or showcase that skill that you actually practice and work on? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do a multiple of those.

I'm a multiple-time world champion of the championship. Oh, my God. Okay, there you go. That's interesting. Tell me that before I fuck with you. Jesus Christ. I'm getting closest to them. Throw bread into the audience.

Let me see it. That's not exactly how Jiu-Jitsu works, Timmy. Yeah, you would know, okay, guy. Again, it doesn't make you gay knowing Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, it does. Look at your fucking peer right here.

What are you talking about? You've got to go roll around on a man. You're going to take it in the ass. I love this guy. Funny. What would you do to Timmy if you've made you mad? What would your first movie? Next question.

Giatine. Geithin chook. All right, perfect. Darian, have you ever had to use your world championship knowledge of jiu-jitsu out there on the streets? Does anybody fucked with you? Is this what you're doing

with the hair and the shirt and everything? Are you baiting people into calling you gay and being like, what the fuck did you say? Get over here. No, I've never actually had to fight somebody in the mean streets of Austin. So that's a good thing. That's a good thing.

I don't think they would want to do that. But at the same time, though, people do stupid shit. Right. In these world championships, you've won them on an elite level, or is this like some kind of tournament you threw together? In the backyard? No, no, no. Yeah, I be JGF World's.

Yeah, so I'm a BGGF world champion in Purple Belt, brown belt, and I just got my black belt in December. My jiu-jitsu people are telling me that that is legit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Amazing. What else would we find interesting about you, Derrick? Do you know how to swim?

Oh, fuck, no. You don't. So the enemy that could beat you is that in which is the most present element on the planet. Well, that's the funny part about that shit, man. I really do live up to that black steel time. I can not fucking swim the same old life.

Johnny no tsunami. Yes. Have you ever almost gotten in trouble? Do you, like, go into the water up to your waist or something like that? Well, I'm trying. Okay, so crazy. Like, in college, we used to do this thing. I wrestle in college, but they would go, we go to the YMCA.

My coach was like, all right, guys, we're going to go and do swimming workouts. We're going to do something real. And I was like, why have we wrestle, like, fucking girl, man, that's real. But we go there and then, like, we jump in the pool. And he was, like, trying to have us do laps. I can not do one fucking lap. He's like, having us do laps in a deep end. I break out.

I go over to the lady, and I was like, hey, let me get the floaties. I came back with. fucking floaties on. And he's just like, you need to take those off. It's like, no, I'm not. So I just do the workout with fucking floaties. But it was cool.

Let me ask you this. Other than not being able to swim, what else do you think is the blackest thing about you? Damn. My dick. No, let me see. I think I know, I'm really into hip hop.

We'll say that. You could tell exactly how you said the words, hip hop. Well, no, no, no. Those are you from the streets. No, I just grew up with it in my life. In Kansas? Up in the main streets of Kansas, yes.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it goes down to Kansas City area, if you didn't know. So, yeah, yeah, it's not. Tech nine? Huh? Tech nine, right? Am I right? Tech, nine, nine.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tech nine goes hard. All right, perfect. Here's a little joke book. Little joke book for a big man. Little joke book for a big man. Sometimes I accidentally sound like the president.

Oh, I'll tell you what's not gay. That right there. I do not want that shit. Can you give me something that isn't Tony's water, please? Okay, that's not true. That's not a thing. No one talks about that. That's not a thing.

Never mind. Do you want something to drink, Timmy? Can I just get like a sparkling water and some garlic bread? Sparkling water and garlic bread for Timmy, please. There you go. Sparkling water. What a little diva. Not gay at all, sparkling water.

Is this how the entire episode is going to be? You hit yourself in the face of the microphone. Are you actually calling me? I'm calling you gay. You're calling me gay? I think you're Timmy fucking all cakes. I think you fucking saw. Heidi, did you know that according to CNBC,

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It's true. I've been hat fishing women professionally now for a very long time. And the key to doing it right is to make sure the hat does not come off until the clothes come off. Because by that time, she's committed. It's too late. Got you, bitch. Got your ass. Didn't know I was ugly, did you?

Ha ha. Recently, I've been told that with my hat on, I look like an ice target. With my hat off, I look like an ice employee. I can't help that I have resting ice face. And that's my time. I thought that was a minute. I thought I planned that all right. 15 seconds left.

15 seconds. All right. Yeah. All right. Okay. So you're out of material. That's everything else is story type shit. Okay.

There you go. Perfect. Some people say that's my time when it's their time. I was wondering if you had anything else. But you just, that was all the time that you had. I've rehearsed this so many times, and I swear to God, it was a full minute, but... Have you done stand-up before? Yeah.

Okay. How often? How long? Three years. Okay. Yeah. Perfect. Seems like...

Hey, Carlos, how does it feel to meet your son? DJ chaotic. Where have you been doing it for three years? Here in Austin. Okay. What do you do for a living? DJ. You're a DJ.

Yeah. Are you better at... DJing or stand-up? DJing for sure. How long have you been a DJ? 13 years. Okay, that makes sense. What makes you want to do stand-up?

Honestly, I help manage a place called the Green Room in North Austin and starting that up. We started doing comedy shows, so I got into it like that. Are you sometimes funny when you're DJing? Like, are you doing things like, you know? Yeah, I mean, I do a lot of weddings and private events, so I slide in some humor whenever it's appropriate. Oh, Jesus Christ. Slippery cigarette. Thank you very much, sir.

Almost like that kind of sometimes. Let the house on fire there. So slippery little cigarette. Timmy, no breaks. You do private gigs sometimes, weddings, bar mitzvahs. All the time, bar mitzvahs, weddings. I did a brisk and stuff. The kid lost his dick.

But yeah, what, you know, What made you, you know? Perfect. So DJ Chaotic, what's the craziest thing that you play like EDM, I'm guessing? No, I do open format, man. I've been in Texas for a long time, so country, Latin, hip hop. Those are like the main genres, you know. So you play for whatever audience is in front of you?

Yeah, yeah. So if there was a bunch of black people in here right now, what would you play? Set it off, Lilboosie. Off the jump. That's what I'm going with. Okay. Yeah. Let's check in with John Dees here.

What do you think about Set It Off Lilboosie? I don't know that. I don't know that song. No good. No good. Is that what you're saying? No. I don't know that song.

You don't know set it off, Lil Boosie? A white guy talking to a black guy. I mean, that's some stuff and some shit, though. All right. You thought that was fucked up. Yeah, and I love black. How about if this was a rave, an EDM crowd. What would you play?

First song you play. Got to get it set up. Medium's not really my genre. Yeah, not a boo, it's this. It's not. Okay, let's say it was a country bar. What song are you playing? Zach Top, Never Lie.

That's a... Oh, Michael Gonzalez confirms that. Yeah, yeah. All right, DJ Kion. Well, I mean, kind of really didn't leave that much of an imprint here tonight. I got to be on it. I'm from the Cayman Islands. I moved here 15 years ago to be a rapper.

That never worked out. You tried rapping? Yeah, I did it for a little while. Do reggae, shit like that. Can we hear a verse? Do it. You guys want to hear some bad rap? Yeah.

Well, hold on, hold up. Wait. Instead of rap, can I do some reggae shit? Oh, better yet. I love any... White guy reggae. I love all kinds of gay, especially reggae. So, let's do it.

And beat you. Do it on that one. That was right there. That's Timmy's Alley right there. Yeah, fucking look. I do, I do wait. Give him a little, what kind of reggae beat do you want? Michael.

Yeah, I'll ride with it. There you go. He'll ride with it. All the way from the Cayman Islands. DJ, chaotic, everybody. Yo, yo. Pull up in my ride. She quick to get inside.

She dug down and she hide. Then we skirt off and we slide. She went like eyeside every time her lips collide She won me up inside cause good loving I provide She give her one bun cause we never have fun She say without her toy she can't even come But then she bucked this rude boy Give her pussy real joy

Dealing with the real McCoy Bye so to get deployed Stacking at attention Relieving all her tension No feelings get mentioned Because that's an apprehension Can't do that Alright

Hypnotizing me My God. You guys are pedophiles, so... Brad's a grown man. He's not a kid. I think you're confused to me. 42? Yeah, 42?

Yeah, fucking right. He is. He's 42 inches high. Okay, DJ, chaotic. Here's a little joke book. There you go, my friend. We're going to keep it moving along. Shows crazy so far.

A couple people that really fucking suck. And obviously, anything can happen. out of this bucket. But it's set it up good. Now you know it's real. Now you know the show is real. When you get that feeling of, holy shit, I think I can do this.

That's how you know. You're at Kiltony. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Chris Caruso, everybody. Here we go. I know what you guys were thinking. I didn't know getting older men I was going to look like Alex Jones.

That ever happened to anybody. And not even like the cool, like, making the frogs gay, Alex Jones. Like the sad, divorced dad, Alex Jones. And I've got the documents to prove it, folks. Okay? I've got them. I like conspiracies. I was watching Clinton testify in front of Congress the other day. And he just had a shit-eaten grin on his face the whole time. They were like, Mr. President, do you remember where you were when those pictures were taken? I know it's been a long time, but try to remember. And he's like,

oh no, I remember exactly where I was when those pictures were taken. And it's just him and like, I've seen a matching, matching, uh, polo shirts, you know? And, uh,

there was a, you guys hear about the, uh, there was supposed to be between Donald Trump and, uh, and Bill Clinton an affair. And, uh,

yeah, Clint will be in there like, I did not have sexual relations with Donald Trump. But I think Trump, if he did it, he would have been in there the next day in a press conference, like,

nobody sucked Bill Clinton's dick better than Donald Trump, folks. Nobody did it. Nobody could do it. All right, that's Chris Caruso, everybody. Hey, Carlos, how does it feel to meet your dad? Chris Caruso, welcome. Is this your first time on this show?

Yes, it is. Welcome. How long you've been to one stand-up? About two and a half years. Where at? Dayton, Ohio. Hey, we know Dayton. That's a rough city.

You still live there? Yep. What do you do for a living in Dayton? I sell security systems for a living. Oh, you must be. Business is booming, huh? Oh, yeah, they love it. Number one for metal theft in the country.

Yeah, like copper? Is that what? Oh, yeah. Wow. And they're stealing it out of like old houses or something? Anywhere they can get it, Tony. Wow. Amazing.

And so tell us more about your life, Chris, just the normal everyday thing. You have a family or anything? You have a son. Nice. How old's your son? 11 years old. You still with the baby mama? No, of course not.

What happened there? What happened there? How long was she around for? A couple years. And then you guys just went your separate ways. Yeah. You stopped banging her. That's it.

That's it. You didn't want her around anymore. Is that how it ended or did she cheat on you or what? No, it was just mutual. We just grew apart as people. Damn, that's sad. Somehow that's the saddest way. Like I always like it.

Like, yeah, I caught her cheating on me with a giant black guy or something like that. Like a black belt and jujured, like a world champion jujitsu black guy with blonde hair or something like that. But it's just really the saddest possible thing nowadays is them just growing apart naturally. Brad. That won't happen with my wife because I can't grow any of them. That is true.

That is true. There is no growing up. You have a wife? Yeah. Oh, my God. I didn't know. I didn't know they married that young. Tom, can I ask a question?

Absolutely, Timmy. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom? It's a motorboat, man. I go for that. Very good question. Do you motorboat only the tits or are you an asshole motorboater? Yeah.

You eat ass? No, no. No, you refuse. Have you ever tried it? No, that's not for me, man. Do it. Just try it once or a time. Thanks, Red Band. You've never...

You want him boat about Red Band's tits? No, I'm going to pass on that respectfully. You've never tried. You've never tonged an ass once? No. You've eaten that accident? No, you know, that's kind of a weird accident, but yeah. Fred, I got a question.

How'd you accidentally tund somebody's asshole? It was eye level. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That deserves a bigger fucking pa. He was waiting. This midget newspaper boy deserves a fucking bigger fucking pa. That is a good one.

But you have eaten pussy before, am I correct? Do you enjoy that? I don't think anybody really enjoys it, but, you know. Whoa. You're making Dayton, Ohio seem worse. This is a very pussy-eating crowd you're in front of tonight. This crowd loves eating pussy. This guy's shaking his head.

No, oh, he's, yeah, he's disappointed in you. He corrected it. He was going, I can't believe it. And then he gave me a thumbs up just to make sure that I know that he's into eating pussy as well. Everybody here is into eating pussy. Can you describe to us exactly what it is that you don't like about eating pussy? The texture. The texture of the pussy.

This guy, this guy over here, you know you're not supposed to actually eat it, right? It's not like oysters or something. You're not supposed to swallow it down. You're supposed to like lick it and find a pace and a rhythm and like smooch it or something. Seal your lips around it and kind of do a slight sucking in and out motion. Dude, his ex must be disgusting. Yeah, I think so. That's why it only lasted a few years, right?

Have you been with other women since? Yeah. Yeah. Are you currently dating anyone? No, I'm not. Are you on any of the dating apps or anything like that? Not for me. So when's the last date that you went on?

last person, you just meet people like at a department store or a bar? Yeah, gas stations, that's where I like to... Oh, okay. All right. I'm starting to see why you don't like eating pussy or ass, Chris. That gas station pussy can be very tricky. You know what I mean? That's my best bud. Very, that is, we are best friends. Chris, I love it. Are you sponsored by Adidas by any chance?

Yes. They dropped Kanye and they picked up Chris Caruso, Security Special. out of Dayton, Ohio. Adidas is in absolute shambles right now. They're currently losing money. Their stock is sinking right now from a non-pussy-eating man wearing nothing but Adidas.

Nike is skyrocketing as we speak. Nike, the brand of pussy eaters all around the world. When you see a pussy, remember, just do it. All right. Chris, I got to tell you, we're running out of little joke books fast tonight. It's a rough one. Chris Carruso, come back, sign up again. Do it again sometime.

These people, anything can happen. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. There's actual garlic bread, ladies and gentlemen. And a fucking juice box, everybody. You can make it up. I swear to God, this show is improvised. Meanwhile, Heidi finds a way.

How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? Go to her website, Heidiorgina.com. A bunch of great stuff over there. I was a little boy to get off of you. Everybody is thrilled. I hope camera too is taking this up. This is Kill Tony. It's like a great, it's just a great moment.

That is adorable. I don't know how Heidi does this. It doesn't make any sense. Like you would think this is all produced. Oh my God. That juice box? It's blippy, by the way. That's a blippy juice box.

Okay, wait. All right. Okay, let's just, let's take it easy here. Let's, let's not throw things in the audience. Just a reminder that lawsuits go to joe rogan.com, not Tony Hinchcliffe. All right, here we go. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Eric Spicely, everyone. Here we go.

Anything going to happen? Yo, what's going on, Austin? How are you guys doing? You guys are good? Yeah. I just moved here, bro. They're like fucking Friday, man. Yeah.

I grew up in America, but for the last 10 years, I've been living up in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. or as our president likes to call it, gay Alaska. Say what you want about Canadians, man. It's nice being in a place doesn't have guns, you know. I feel safe walking around just having these goofy fucking ears, man. It's that Dana White privilege, bro. Cops are nice to me. They didn't even know what race I am.

These ears are from Jiu-Jit-T, you guys know what that is? Wow. Some people think it makes you look tough. Some people think J-Jitsu is a bit, como se d'i-sehomo erotic, right? I've been doing a half my life, guys. I've been to black belt for years. I can honestly say, pretty gay. Fuck, dude.

You just want a golden ticket here and kill Tarnit. I don't know what the fuck's going on, but... You're good, you're good, buddy. You did not win a golden ticket. He's joking. He's joking. Eric, welcome to the show. How you? Welcome to the show. How are you? I'm good. You are a scary looking fellow.

Thanks, well. Without a doubt, you look like jujitsu. You look like the guy, jujitsu. Yeah, yeah. I've been doing it for a while. Holy shit. And you really are a black belt, right? Yeah, yeah. Did you know the black guy with blonde hair that was here earlier?

I did not know the black. You ever hear of a guy named Darian Terry? Oh, shit. Oh, you just noticed. Oh, I'm a midget. Yeah, my bad. Are you in town on Thursday? I'm sorry?

Are you in town on Thursday? I am, yeah, I just moved here. You want to do a secret show? This episode is chaos. How's the robot doing over here? How are we feeling? Yeah. It's actually Aaron Plyle, everybody.

He's in there right now. You just put a little cloth over his face. Eric, so where are you from again? What'd you say? So I'm from New York City, but I've been living in Canada for like 10 years. Why have you been living in Canada for 10 years? Why in the world did you choose Montreal? all Canada.

So I used to fight in the UFC. Yeah. And I got signed and then I moved there to Trent TriStar, like GSP and shit. Yeah, yeah. GSP's the man. That's awesome. Are you still doing it? I don't fight anymore, no.

I just coach and train. Perfect. Amazing. So the fights in the UFC, what was that like? How did that go? Explain to people. Most of us just picture it. We dream about it, but none of us like, look at this fucking fat Italian guy.

Like, I mean, we watch, we imagine, like, that would be my walk. I'd come out the first. Phil Collins in the air tonight. Yeah, I would do that too. Tell us what it's really like. Training's exhausting, and then what's that like? It fucking sucks, dude. Yeah.

You gotta fight black dudes and shit. Yeah. Fuck, I'm mushing Russian Muslims and shit. Yeah, they're crazy, right? And they just shoot low. The Russians just take you down, and now it fucking hurts, and they're throwing elbows and stuff. So how many fights in the UFC did you have?

I think I had eight, but the CT is a little, I don't really remember. You know, I'm? Absolutely. That's a rough one. What was your main song that you came out to? Good question. I used to come out to train in vain by The Clash.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I like to have a weird gay song, so it doesn't look tough. New York, right? They're from New York, right? I don't know. You're right about that? Okay, maybe not. They have a song about New York, I think.

Okay, Eric Spicely. So, eight fights, if you had to guess what your record is? I was, I think, two and five, so I'm going to have seven fights. Yeah, it's very hard. It's a tough. A lot of people don't know Keltony's Ari Maddie. Oh, and three. Not in the UFC.

Didn't make it to the UFC, but in the lesser leagues, all time, oh and three. Deport him. Deport him. We're enemies. Hey, Kaysa follow up. Yeah, go right ahead. How much time do you have? I've got about like 15 minutes.

15 minutes? I feel solid about you. I'm going to be doing the San Jack open mic in a couple days. You want to do three on that? Yeah, sounds great, buddy. Fuck yeah. Okay, there you go. You just got booked on an open mic with Timmy No Breaks.

Eric, so tell us more about your normal life. I mean, you seem like you would be good with the ladies, right? They probably are into some scary orangutan-looking man. It's mostly dudes, honestly, bro. It's mostly, yeah. Girls will approach me, but so their boyfriends can fucking hit on me and shit. Right. Yeah, mostly dudes.

Everybody in town has just been like, what's up, bro? Fucking head nod. I'm like, all right, man. Right. That's me. I'm the gay one, according to Tibbon. Or it's like chicks that want to get like fucked up. Like, they're like, yo, I want you to punch me in the fucking. Oh, wow.

I like this guy. I like this guy. Eric, what else about your life would we find surprising? Any other fun facts about Eric Spicely? I used to do pro wrestling. Oh, wow. Yeah, I made it to WWE. How long?

How long were you there for? No, I didn't. I just got to try out. I didn't. I didn't make it. They told me I was too small. Basically told me to get on steroids. They had a wrestler

named Hornswoggle that was a dwarf, so I think it's just because you sucked. Is that fucking you did? Holy shit. We all look alike. Honestly, I'm not going to lie. Is there any truth to the fact that training for the WWE is harder than training for the UFC?

I thought it was much harder for sure. A lot of puking and stuff, right? No, I didn't really puke. I mean, I'm doing a lot of cardio and stuff. It's just a lot to remember. Getting punched in the face is like you're on autopilot. You just train and then you do it. But this is like choreography and like fucking, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Well, Eric, how long you've been on stand-up? Two and a half years. Two and a half years. Okay, perfect. Well, you're going. You're a talent. I can't tell if you were fucking with mirror.

No, I like your shit. I like your face, you know, well, your face is fucked up. But like, you know, you got, I like the woman being stuff, maybe say, retard a little bit more, and you'll be good. You'll be good. You'll kill it in Austin. I'm serious. Keep writing, Eric, it's a little joke book for you this time,

but who knows what can happen next time. There he goes, Eric Spicely, everybody. Much like Eric's record with bucket pulls, we're O and four tonight. There's some napkins for you. He's got one garlic knot left. He's truly committed to this bit. He's literally eating garlic not. everybody. Makes noise to your next bucket pool everyone. It's Louis

Cervantes everybody. Elia. I have a problem with talking to girls. I'm not really good at flirting. Like for instance, this morning I was leaving the gym and I saw this really hot girl walking towards me. I was like, I'm gonna want to talk to her, I'm going to do it so I held the door for her and she walked by. She goes, thank you so much and looks down at my feet. She goes, I really like your shoes and verbatim. What I said back was mm-hmm, I bought them. She's going to be single forever. My last girlfriend wasn't really my type.

She used to put me in hypothetical situations. Like one time we were watching 51st dates with Adam Sandler, and she goes, you like this movie? And I go, yeah. She goes, well, let me ask you something. If I lost my memory, would you stick around and tell me, or would you leave like an asshole? And that's how she said it, so I knew what she wanted to hear.

I was like, no, I'd stick around. I'd remind you of all the cool things we used to do, you know? And at the end of every night, I'd remind you how much you begged for A&L. Louis Cervantes, everybody. Carlos, how big is your fucking family? This is incredible what's happening here tonight. I like those guys. There's a lot of the same guy.

You do jiu-jitsu at all, Lewis? No. No. And I honestly, man, I've only been in Austin for a year. And when I got here, I realized this was, like, the style. I've been doing this since I was 11, so it kind of pissed me the fuck off. I don't like it.

You started shaving your head at 11? At 11 years old, yeah. That's incredible. What made you do it all the way back then? My cousin did it. He actually came home from the Navy Thanksgiving one night and surprised everybody. And at the time, I had long, luscious, curly, beautiful hair,

and he took me to the garage and shaved it off because he's a dickhead. I don't know. Mexicans love landscaping. Yeah. That's right. Lewis, what do you do for work? I'm an A.V. at the Moody Center.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Fuck yeah. The arena? Yeah. Nice. Absolutely amazing. For those of you wondering what that question was here in Austin for some reason.

There's like 15 different moody things. There is. It's crazy. Yeah, I just work at the arena, though. That's awesome. That's fucking fantastic. How long you been doing that? Not that long.

At beginning of the year, I think since, beginning of January, middle of January. What are some of your favorite shows that you've done so far? Oh, man. I just did George Strait. Nice, yeah, he was here this weekend. George Strait was pretty fun. Yeah.

He did the round, so he just had the stage in the middle and packed the fucking place out. It was cool. That's awesome. Fun gig. I mean, if you're doing A.V. and Austin, that's the place to be doing it. Yeah, I didn't realize. I mean, I heard Austin was Music City, but it's like every fucking door on the street. It's crazy.

It's very special. And people get to confuse. Nashville often gets that credit, but that's really only, literally, basically only country music, whereas here it's all different kinds of music. Yeah, all the genres. Yep.

So, Lewis, are you from Austin? No, I'm from the Bay Area, California. Okay. How long have you been here? How long have you been here? Since March last year. Okay. So you got that job at the Moody Center pretty fast. Yeah.

I mean, I would have liked to have had. it before I moved here, but yeah, you know. Great. What was that like that beginning period before you had that job? Just a lot of kind of figuring out Austin, figuring out what I want to do, and figuring out the comedy scene, just kind of doing side hustle stuff.

Some door dashing, of course, just to stay afloat. What are some things that surprise you about Austin that are different than the Bay Area, other than less gay men shitting on the sidewalk? A lot less, a lot less gay men. Still people shitting on the sidewalk. That's something I'm trying to get used to the homeless here, a little more aggressive than back home?

Why don't you use a toilet? Gig-Gay. It's me every time. You had really good delivery. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it was so good I thought it was Dejornos. All right. I'm smart.

So every time I say Dejornos, I get $100, so I might say it a couple more times. But really, it was good delivery. I liked it. Thanks, Timmy. Yeah, no problem, man. Yeah. looks like you have a dickhead. Yeah, thank you.

Yeah. Lewis, tell us something about your life that would surprise us. It's true. I do look like a dickhead. It's not lying. A lot of people don't know that I'm 80% or I have 80% hearing in my right ear and 60 in my left from a skydiving accident. Ooh, what was the accident? I went up congested and jumped from 18,000 feet, congested and it blew out both my ear drums.

Oh. That's really lame. I thought it was going to be like I fucking hit another guy in mid-air change that story man you're on Kil Tong come on your stereo just being honest

your stereo must be annoying though for like movies and shit like that right you're never mind more importantly the job that you do for a living at the arena that must be hard yeah it I mean you you going into it with fucking

bad hearing is like finding out that your Uber driver is D madness like you're like you're like really getting away with murder over there. Oh, you know, I guess that just shows how good I am at my job. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. Lewis, what's your love life like? Non-existent.

Why is that? Why is that? I don't know. Probably because I look like a dickhead. No, last date that you went on, what was that like? We went and got something to eat and talked most of the time. Couldn't get a kiss or a hand hold or nothing. No hug.

Wow. Wow. No handhold. No handhold, Mike. I would not be so hot on yourself. You know, Brad has a wife. There's hope for you. Thanks, Brad.

You can do it too. And you have jokes and you have punchlines. It was so nice to hear fucking real punchlines from a comedian out of here tonight. It was so stuff full of punchlines. I thought it was like, you know, stuff crushed with DeJornos. Yeah.

Wow. Another hundred bucks. Lewis, here you go. Here's a big joke book. We're going to keep it moving along. There he goes. Louis de Vanquez, everybody. All right, another bucket pool.

We're flying through them tonight. Make some noise for your next comedian, everybody. It's Michael Kay. Here comes Michael Kay, everyone. Here we go. Do, do, doodoo. The band's playing music. Bands playing music.

So I was thinking a lot about addiction recently. You know, a lot of people addicted to alcohol. They won't admit that they have a problem with it. Now, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a shopaholic. It's where I spend just way too much money at the liquor store and get drunk all the time. No, I used to do a lot of drugs, actually. Let's hear for drugs. I used to use this thing called the Silk Road.

Do you guys know what that is? Yeah, all right, nice. If you don't know, it was a dark net marketplace where you could get anything you wanted, shipped discreetly to your house, using cryptocurrency, right, to keep it pseudo-anonymous. And since they cut out the middleman, like, the prices were so low and the quality was super high,

you could get a gram of the most beautiful, uncut cocaine straight from Bolivia for like 50 Bitcoin. I don't know if you guys are up to date with the current price of Bitcoin. This was 15 years ago. Let me put it this way. Have you ever partied so hard

that you snorted a Lamborghini? Because I snorted. four Lamborghini dealerships, the top four in North America. There you go, Michael Kay. Very interesting. Is that true? Like, is that real stuff?

That's unfortunately very true, yeah, yeah. Wow, so that was back then, huh? Yeah, I was very early in the space. Was it only cocaine that you would buy off of that? I haven't done it since then, because it was so good. I couldn't be able to do it again. Really? It was just so nice.

Wow. Amazing stuff. amazing stuff. So it was just cocaine that you did buy off of there. Just out of curiosity. I don't really understand the entire dark way. And I actually am really stupid, so I had it shipped to me where I live, which is in Japan. Actually. Did you save any Bitcoins?

Oh, yeah. No, so I have like a whole Bitcoin saga after that just because... Can you tell us about it? Yeah, it's really long. So I used to work for this exchange that was called Mount Gawks. It was the... It had 90% of the world's exchange. You guys know about Gox?

Yeah. Oh, fuck. So I was the guy who put out all the shitty press releases telling you why you couldn't have your money. Sorry about that. The guy who was running it, he lost 600,000 Bitcoin. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

And that's like tens of millions of dollars? No, billions. Oh, shit. Billions of dollars. Yeah, I have no idea. I don't know anything about it. So I got subpoenaed by the Southern District of New York. for that, uh, pre-barara.

Wow. That was fun. Amazing. Yeah. So it's made you rich and then it caused a lot of trouble. I did all right. It happened. It happened.

I got subpoenaed the day my first child was born. It was a perfect, no, it was a perfect away message. Like, sorry, my daughter's born. I can't respond to your subpoena. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I did respond to the subpoena.

How many kids do you have now? Three. You still with the baby mama? Not for the first two, but for the third. third one, yeah. Okay. So you have a new baby mama? Yeah. Right. I don't call her that. So the third kid is with your wife? Yeah, with my

partner. Back in Tokyo. Oh, okay. She's Japanese. Yeah, she's Japanese. Very nice. Is she 18 or how old is she? Red band and Ashby and Aztec? Red band wants to know? Yeah. So where'd you meet her at like a sushi restaurant or something? We were working together. What do you do in Japan?

Well, I'm producing comedy shows, actually. We're on tour with Kansai, actually. Kansai Yasuda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Kansai's on our tour. We're doing... He was supposed to be here, but we couldn't get him his visa in time,

so he's stuck in Canada. Yeah, our president's a little tough on that right now. Yeah. Don't talk about him like that, Tom. Don't do that. It's okay. It's okay. He likes it.

So you're doing English-speaking comedy shows in Tokyo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Japanese shows also. Wow, you can speak Japanese fluently? I speak... I do all right. I've been there like 22 years. Oh, amazing.

Can we hear some jokes in Japanese? Yeah, can we just... I don't know any Japanese jokes, actually. Can you just say it? No, I wouldn't... I'm not even going to embarrass myself. Can you just yell out like Godzilla in Japanese? Go do Zida.

There we go. Oh, fuck. That was authentic. That was very authentic. I'm a regular Kansai Yastada, yeah. This guy rocks. Yeah. So we're doing a U.S. tour now

and with everybody all around for next month with Japanese comedians. Same with Japanese stuff. Just a little bit more. Can you just say a sentence in Japanese? Anything at all? You've been there 22 years. It doesn't have to be a joke.

It can be anything. Oh, okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. I'm picking over for a sake. Take it over. After I ask the question, you go ahead. That makes sense. Perfect.

I have the gold microphone show. That's sick. So here's what I want you to do. I want, because you're going to kill if you do this, I think. It's an experiment, okay? I'm an advanced comedian. I've been doing it many months. And so,

two months. So I want you to do, you know, English words, but with a Japanese accent. Ah, that I excel at. Okay, let's hear it. Yeah, what do you want to hear? I don't give a fuck. All right. Well, and really anybody can do this.

So the key, the key with Japanese, it's not just the words. Just fucking do. All right. My name is. but I am not Japanese. I am American. Okay, add audience laughter and pose for that. All right.

How about an actual sentence in Japanese? Why do you do that? Just really anything. You've been there 22 fucking years. You can just say something simple. The easiest thing to just say is Namabiro, please. What does that mean?

Just like a beer. That's helpful for you anywhere. Okay, perfect. So I think I know about you. Kim Kongden recently went there, and I've always wanted to go there so bad. Great question. Is the audience mostly like military?

No, no, no. We have a lot of like tourists now, but there's a pretty solid, like, local contingent. It's packed like every night of the week. We do like two, three shows a night. See your other two kids are Japanese as well. Yeah. So you have three Japanese kids.

Three, yeah, half Japanese. They very smart. How old's the oldest one? Twelve. 12. So is it smarter than you yet? Oh, yeah, she's definitely smarter than me. I'm not the smartest, though. Wow.

Is she bigger than Brad? Yeah, well, he's sitting down. I can't really tell. But maybe. His feet are not touching the floor. He's literally the same height, whether he's sitting or standing. That's my boy. That's my fucking boy. He stood up and literally

I floated. He almost accidentally ate you ass. Michael, you're leaving here with a medium-sized joke book. Congratulations. Welcome to Kill Tony. The first giveaway a big one. Oh. Red Band wants his name. Very

interesting. I got to take a shit. Okay. There you go. Timmy's going to take a shit. Make some noise for your next bucket pool, everybody. Very rough handwriting here. So I'm just going to basically guess. Make some noise for... Okay, or nice.

I was a comedian in Japan. Yeah, for 23 years. Yeah, I was super successful in Japan. Yeah, but I gave up my entire career everything, everything, to take me up, to take me in here, right? Yeah, sometimes my American friend called me Kamikaze. Yeah, I'm a Kamikaze, yeah. Do you know Kamikaze?

During World War II, Kamikaze pilot flew with just enough. Failed for one-way trip, just one-way trip. And they crash into American warships, right? Yeah, I'm Kamikaze. But to be honest, America is so expensive for me. So every three months, I go back to Japan to make money. Yeah, I'm Kamikaze. I'm Kamikaze.

Yeah, I'm Kamikaze. I'm Kamikaze. I'm Kamikaze. Who can check one extra back for free? Yeah, I'm Kama Kama Kaze. Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming down. English never improves.

Wow. I'm guessing that you know the last guy, right? You came here with Michael Kay? Yeah, I know him. You're part of the tour or whatever? Is it just a complete coincidence? Oh, sorry. I can't understand. Hold on. Hold on. Bring Michael Kay back out of here.

Go grab Michael Kay. Finally, we found a good purpose for Michael Kay, everybody. We're going to use them as a translator to talk to the actual funny comedians. that we found out of the bucket. He's my friend here. This is incredible. Michael Kay, come on up here.

Help me, help me. Michael, is this guy on the tour that you brought from? Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Kino, can you get that? There we go. Yeah, he's on the tour. Amazing. This guy's fucking hilarious.

Dude, Diceke is huge in Japan. Amazing. He's the man. How do you say his name? Diceke. Diceke. D'u-moto. Oh, my goodness.

Amazing. Yeah, he's a killer. Welcomea, welcomea. Ohio. I'm from Ohio. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. It means good morning.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So we're gonna kind of use you as a translator because he's got the one minute set. He's definitely a kamikaze. And, uh, but I'm gonna ask him some questions here. Daisake, Daiske, uh, what do you, uh, what do you love about America? America, what's like, what?

Oh, so, comedy. Oh, look, who knows how to speak fucking Japanese, all this, fuck. No attention whatsoever. He's like, the only thing I know how to do is order a beer, Tony. Daring a head. You go straight fucking into it when you're under actual pressure. Yeah, so too, everything so too, you know? So, T-O-O, right?

So, yeah, America and Japanese, so different. Everything too, so in America. So homeless, too homeless. You know, gay people too. Gay people too gay. Yeah. Yeah. Everything too, right?

Yes. The penis, two inches. Yeah. You're too small, we. All right. Timmy, no breaks is back, everybody. How we don't? Whoa.

Timmy. Timmy, you need to clean up... What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? Dyske, Dyske. What the fuck do you just call me? Dyske.

I think he called you Andrew Diceke. All right, let's talk about it for a second here, Dice Gay. Yeah. So how long have you been doing stand-up? 23 in Japan. 23 Japanese years. And then I moved in New York two years ago. You live in New York now.

Yeah, and now New York, and I started learning English in two years. You just learned English two years ago. Yeah, everything memorized now. Amazing. Everything. And you lived in Japan for how long? I've been there 22 years. 22 years.

Couldn't give us a fucking sentence in Japanese. Every say something funny. Like, you can't just... Well, all right. So, Dyske, what do you do for work? You make all your money doing comedy? Yeah, just comedy. You make money doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So in Japan, so real story, every three months I go back to Japan to make money, and then so open mic. And in Japan, I make money, you know, he's really a star in Japan, so he's really a star in Japan, So he sells hard tickets in Japan. He goes back to Japan for a month or two at a time and just tours the whole time and then goes back to New York.

Wow, I love this. He finds in New York. Amazing. What an amazing anomaly you are, Daiske. So 23. How old are you? 45. 40.

Holy shit. What the shit? Yeah. So Asian, Asian. So if there are Epstein Island in Japan, pitophiles panic. Wow. Did you used to have like really big legs or something?

What do you mean? What does he do me? The pants are humongous. That's the fashion. Oh, yeah, I understand he's a racist. Yes, very good. I wanted to be, I went to meet up. This is Texas.

This is Texas. This is Hector. I'm going to you. All right, all right. This is incredible. Daiske, you have a, are you in love? Do you have kids? Do you have a family or anything?

Sing-o-Sing-Ru. Sid, you get a lot of action in Japan. I bet there's a lot of fans that like to bang you after shows. Am I correct? Can you translate that for me, Michael? What? What? No, what?

No. So when I came to here, I broke up. So dumped her, my girlfriend. Racist. Oh, that's my friend. Me too. Right. In where you come from, what do they do with when babies are born that come out like Brad?

What? Brad. What? Translate it, Michael. Kalakazi. What kind of. What's going to do in Japan? Yeah, but so yeah, Japanese people are same told.

I gotta go to Japan, guys. Yeah, you might be Andre the Giant Japan. Regular, regular style. Yeah, I'm going to tour with you to Japan. I love it. I love it. Nice. This is gonna be awesome. I'm gonna take over. Yeah.

I'm gonna sit in a chair and my legs are gonna touch the ground. It'll be fucking sweet. Sweet. Diceke, what is your favorite American cuisine? And when you translate, Michael, speak into the microphone. Just say it, ask them. Into the microphone. What the fuck I'm talking about?

Amazing. Please say pussy. Fluent fucking Japanese. So, you know, food trucks are Mexican food. I love Mexican food. Ah. Yeah, I love, I love. But I don't like slantle, you know?

No, wait, what? Slancho. Slantre. I hate, I hate slantro. The smell, the taste, especially pronunciation. Okay, dejornos would like a fucking word with you. Yeah. Pronensation is fuck slantor.

Amazing. Slantro, I hate the hell and our sounds. What is your favorite thing to eat when you're in Japan? Japan? Favorite Japanese cuisine? Sushi. Sushi. He doesn't understand it if you just use the accent.

He'd do Italian on him. Sushi. He's a Japanese of cuisine. No, no. Speak of flu into Japanese. You like, uh, nigeri. Onigiri, yeah. You know, on yigiri.

Yeah. Yeah, I like shrimp. I use shrimp. Why'd you look at his penis? You are what you eat. Do you have any Japanese or American comedians that you looked up to, or that got you into comedy? Great question, Red Band. The rare, unbelievably great question from that.

So, which is... What's... Yeah. So, you know Japanese comedian? Yeah. So, but Japanese comedian, you know, downtown. You know, so very famous comedian. But, so America is so different.

So, five years ago, I watched on YouTube, you know, George Carling. Ah, George Carlin. Yeah. George Carlin! Who is comedian? Who is comedian? And then I decided to come to America.

Yeah. Yeah, because of George Carrey. I love that. That's a great answer from a great question. I'm about a hand for red band and dice gay. Let me ask you this, Michael, because I'm curious. How many of these kamikazis did you bring with you to kill Tony today? Including Conce, it would be five.

Okay, very good. So there might be. I love it. There might be more selected later, but I'm very glad to meet you, Dice Gay. Is there any females in the group? Yes. Oh. Really? There is?

I love you to you. After party, yeah. Dice Gay, I'm going to give you a big kiltony joke book. I want to make it a good one here. There you go, my friend. Boom. How about a hand for the Kiltony debut of the Osage? Thank you.

Thank you. Hell yeah. Are you here on Thursday? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you invite him to the... It's Moon Tower Week. So what the fuck does that mean? That Moon Tower owns the...

Oh my God, you sold out to that. No, no, no, I just picked people like Jeremiah's larbillers. Oh, got it, got it, got it. It's very exciting for the show. It's amazing you can't give this guy fucking five minutes, but okay. Yep, go ahead. So from tomorrow, we will start our tour around the world. Around the America, please Instagram, check me, Dajake Muramoto.

And just to make sure your Instagram is Instagram. Instagram is D.N. I-I-S-U-K-E. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, M-U-R-A, Muramoto Dyske, okay. Okay, see you one day. Dyske, I like your style, buddy.

Oh yeah, there it is. Miramoto Dyske 1-1-2-5. If anyone's looking for the Wi-Fi password, it's on the back of the router. Miramoto Dasake 1125, all lowercase, All lowercase letters. Good fucking luck.

That's the first time someone's sold negative tickets from a promotion on this show. Comedian Diceke. Brad, what sort of comedians do you look up to? All right. Every single fucking one of them. All right. Let's keep it moving here. Ladies and shit.

Gentlemen, your next bucket pool. This looks like a real American name. Everybody makes some noise for Remington Blankton. Windsor, everyone. Oh, my goodness. How the hell are y'all doing? All right, that's enough crowd work. I want to preface this first joke

by saying that I do not condone police brutality. I think it is not cool. However, if you think about it, where would rap music be if cops were always nice to black people? You know, there'd be no too, No, Biggie, no ice cube.

No ice cube. Do you want to live in a world without the movie? Are we there yet? I was giving my roommate a ride the other day, and she was like, Remington, why is your car so clean? And I was like, well, I lit her. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Jokes. Set up punchlines. We haven't really seen anything quite like it tonight, believe it or not. We're an hour and some change into the, show. I worked really hard on it. I didn't want to disappoint you, sir. You're amazing. How long you've been doing stand-up? I started right after all the COVID restrictions lifted. So, we're at? Little Woodroves and South Park Meadows. I was the door guy there.

You're in Austin. Yes, sir. Amazing that you have gone under the radar this long. How long have you been signing up for the show? Since this past New Year's Eve, I signed up a couple times. I signed up a couple times when I had tickets and stuff, but I kind of left it for people who were living in their cars really going for it, you know, because I didn't even know if I was good.

I like the fact that you took time to prepare and get ready for the show. Some people make the absolutely ridiculously, mentally ill mistake of starting on this show for attention, some people this. Oh my goodness. You guys are so out of control.

Did you jump into the mirror? or what happened here? You got cocaine on your nose. I don't know what you're talking about, man. This is natural. Amazing. That's a pretty good bit. The Lago.

You look like Rick. Just Rick. Yeah. Carlos, why's your psychiatrist here? Amazing. So Remington, Blake Windsor. You are incredible. If you had to guess how many minutes like that you have,

how long would you guess? That minute was so smart and funny. I got about 10 ready to go. That's great, man. Fantastic stuff. So Remington, let me ask you this. How do you make money nowadays? I was in the Army.

And while I was in, I got an owie. I bet you did. So I get about as much as a school teacher does for breathing. Thank you for your heroic fucking... I wasn't overseas. I got it while I was in the U.S. Doesn't still get... What happened, and can we ask what happened?

It was a training accident. Snow is a lot harder than I thought it was. And I fell off this obstacle course thing and severed all the tendons that connect your collarbone to your shoulder blade. Ah, yeah. That sucks. And now I get paid, though.

That's great, man. That's amazing. I mean, it's, you know. It's awesome. That's great for you. Anything could have happened. I mean, had you not had that injury? You could have...

Had to go work at Home Depot? Could have been injured overseas. Something like that. So Remington, tell us more about your life. We'd be surprised to know about you. You have any special skills or talents other than being a very good joke writer? I got kick-ass ankle jewelry.

Whoa. Oh my God. You got to be fucking kidding me. Of all the people that we've had up here tonight, remember, there was a guy named DJ Coyote earlier. You're the one with the fucking ankle monitor? Yes, sir. What did you do to earn that amazing piece of hardware?

I got two DWIs in 14 days. Oh, my God. Take us through this process. So the first one, let's just go through it. Let's take a guess. Give me a ballpark of what you had to drink that night. I like drinking. I'm a fan of it.

I tend to do Crown Royals and Coca-Cola's, and I throw in shots of tequila in between. Like a straight guy. Yeah. I had to drive all the way back to New Bronzeville, so I stuck with Dosecchi's. Oh, wow. So how many Dosecis do you think you?

you had the night of the first DUI. Just a ballpark's fine. 15? Sevens, okay. That would have killed me. Yeah, seven's a lot for Brad. That's what I told the cop at least. Okay.

But seriously, it was about that amount? I mean, I guess when he started in the morning and just, what did you blow? Oh, God. Timmy. Don't. That's a question for tone. Don't finish it.

Okay, very good. Okay, stick with me here because I find, DUI is very intriguing. So, how close were you, how close were you to New Bronfels to home when you got this DUI? I was actually turning into my neighborhood. I got pulled over.

And is normally how it happens. That's why I asked these tough questions. I got pulled over for not using my blinker. And I was in a turn-only lane. I thought it was implied. Yeah. I love it. Okay, so this is a big one.

Do you remember on that first DUI, the moment you knew you were fucked? Was there like a question he asked you that you answered incorrectly, and you're like, oh, God. He was like, where are you coming from? And I said, home, but I was going... Ah, yeah, that'll do it.

See? This is interesting. Now... They're tricky, you know, police. They are. They are. Okay, so let's switch to the second DUI. Two DUIs within 14 days. You probably shouldn't have been driving at all this time, right?

No. But there you were. And then how many drinks do you think you had this time? Same amount, ballpark? Ballpark, same amount. How far? I just like from morning to whenever I go to sleep, just white claw. Okay.

But I mean, again, seven, that seems like a low amount from morning to night. It was probably more. That's just where I lose count. Right, exactly. Okay, so this one, was it a little more like the midway point, or was this also very close to home? It was midway point. Yeah. But, you know, like, they ask you for your license and insurance.

Oh, yeah. He was just like, how much of you had to drink tonight? Like, with his head back. And I said seven. Oh, yeah. That'll do it. And he was like, how long have you been drinking? I said three and a half hours.

Went out to do the field sobriety test. Went Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-E-O-N-M-K-J-I-H-G-F, E-D-C-A. And he was like, you have to wait for us to ask that. This is Hill-Tone. Wow. Turn it got some news that when he came in, he was wearing brass knuckles. Wearing brass knuckles? That is protection from the homeless.

That makes sense. All right. To and from the car. I'm not a dangerous. That makes sense. You have to defend yourself out here on these streets. Have you ever had to use the brass knuckles? No, not yet.

Very good. Good. Wait, are you serious? Yes. Like a bit? Or is that true? No, we're being serious. I carry them around.

I used to carry a stun gun, but... Am I the only person that thinks is fucking crazy to have brass knuckles up to just punch a fucking homeless guy? No, that's why it was brought to our attention and featured on the show. I don't want to get mugged. Get bear sprays better, though. Oh, okay. Red band walks around with bear spray, just in case if he wants to freshen his breath a little bit. All right, Remington, Blake Windsor, I find you so intriguing.

I beg you to sign up again and show us another minute. Here's the big joke book, my friend. Thank you so much. One more time for a joke writer, a joke. Joe Teller, Remington Blake Windsor, everybody. Yeah. All right, everybody. We are going to switch things over to a golden ticket winner.

Now, this isn't just any golden ticket winner. This is a very compelling one. I gave this guy a golden ticket based on the fact that he was funnier in his interview than he was during his set. And almost every answer he gave was hilarious. It's a work in progress. This isn't one of those he was unbelievably. hilarious and so Tony gave him a golden ticket. This is a young comedian

that I think over the years is going to grow into something special or end up a fucking news headlines somewhere. Make some noise for him, ladies and gentlemen. This is the long-awaited return. His first ever golden ticket cation, the second time ever

on the show. Make some noise for Angel Diaz, everybody. Here we go. Keep it going for Kill Tony. Fuck yeah. All right, so I have a serious question for everyone involved in this situation right now. Who here likes anime? Yeah, fuck anime, honestly.

That shit is fucking gay. Like, honestly, the people who watch anime try so hard to convince you to watch it, too, that, you know, honestly, it feels like I'm about to go jerk somebody off while watching it. You know, like, it got to the point where, like, the people who, I don't know, man, like, it kind of throws me off, like, this whole anime thing. Like the other day, my friend was like, yo, Angel, we should do a couple of bumps of ketamine and go watch anime.

And I was like, nigga, do you want me to fuck you in the ass? Like, it got to the point, I don't know, bro. Like, when it comes to this ant, I don't know. Like, the people, like, I don't like the way they draw these women. Like, it's like, yeah, she has big titties. I can see them jiggling. But there's a fucking back, like, she's wearing a backpack. Like, there's lockers in the background.

Who the fuck is drawing this shit with a hard dick? All right, yo, my name is Angel Diaz. Angel Diaz, with another set, much like he had last time. But the interview is always very interesting with you, Angel. You're a very compelling character. Yeah, yeah, I am. I'm a good guy. How's life been since your last appearance on this show? Tony, I've been getting hella pussy everywhere.

Nice. I've been hitting it raw and coming inside all of them. Whoa, Angel, that's crazy. Why are you doing that Angel Diaz? You might need this soon. No, I won't. I'm doing it because it makes me feel good. Yes, it does.

Yeah, yo, give it up for hitting it without a condom, actually. Yeah, absolutely. I completely agree. 100%. This crowd is with that. This is a crowd. The angriest they've been all night is when a guy on stage holding that microphone said that he doesn't eat. Oh, hell not. Yo, pussy, yo, I, yo,

honestly, I make my girlfriend come every time. How do you do it, Angel? How do you do it? What's your method? Alright, so sometimes, all right, so I start off with, um, all right, so I start off eating her vagina in like, um, like, kind of like a slow way. Do you guys want me to do the facial thing? Yes, yes. Yeah, yo, I turn around. No, no, don't do it.

I, ha ha ha ha ha ha. He almost chased the first. He looks like a giant pussy. Go over there. He had a fat ass. He doesn't have a fat ass. Brad's got those fucking butter cakes over there. Fucking 11-year-old fat ass.

What? A big juicy tits backpack. He's got those fucking cupcakes over there, dude. All right. So Angel Diaz, back to you. When you make your women come when you do that. What's the next thing that you do right after that?

Do you tend to, what do you do? Do you do something? Do you do something after they, female ejaculate, if you will? All right. When I start eating the vagina, oh, what was the answer? Oh, my bad. So when I start eating the vagina, I'd be like, yo, bitch, turn around. And then she does, and then I just start eating it from the back.

And then I put my finger in her asshole. while I'm eating it from the back. You get it. You were too excited, actually. And then what? And then what do you do, Angel? After you put the finger in, our senior straight correspondent,

D. Madness is here. Famously homophobic. But when someone's eating a girl's pussy from the backside, throwing a finger in her ass, he comes back from the bathroom immediately. Oh, you wanted me to know what I do when, you said...

You just leave the finger in there? I put the finger in there, and then I wiggle it around. around a little bit and then, all right, so like to the point where it's like, I can touch like my own finger through the vagina. Ah, very good. The old telepathic alien touch.

We all know that maneuver. That's how I know I'm doing it good, you know? Like, once I feel my own finger. That's right. Absolutely, Angel, you're doing very good right now. Angel, what else have you been doing? You have any other hobbies that we don't know about that we didn't find out about last

last time you were on this show? Hobbies? Oh, not really. Yo, but I got hit by a car like two days ago. Oh, shit. That happens to some of the best comedians in the world. Happened to Sam Kinnisand, happened to Roseanne Barr,

happened to Brad Williams. Four times. Whoa. Yeah. Well, I mean. Makes sense. Those were black guys. That was a car.

Yeah. Amazing. Backed up over me. Amazing. Okay, so tell us about this car hitting you, What were you running from at the time? Um, yo, uh, uh, actually, yo, I wasn't even running. It was just like, all right, so the lady was fucking Asian.

Oh, we know. Guys, slow down. Like, it was, all right, so like, I'm not like a racist guy or anything. So pretty much, I get hit by the car. And then I said, yo, bitch, you don't see? And then I realized that she was Asian. I was like, you know what? Forget it.

Actually, I didn't see. My bad. Oh, my God. It was a kamikaze mission. Angel Diaz. So you're back in New York. That's where you live full time. Yeah, born and raised.

Yeah. What's going on out there? You having fun out there. What's shaken? You said, was shaken out there? Yeah, what's going on out there? I don't know the terminology that you kids speak, but like what's happening? Okay, so what's happening right now in New York?

Yeah. All right, let me think. All right. Let me actually give this like a good thought. What do you think about this new mayor, Mom Donnie, that you guys? have. Oh, okay, okay. I actually have a lot of things about to say about this guy.

Okay, great. Yo, fuck Mondami. I'm not gonna lie. You know what threw me off about him? It was just like, all right, his heart was in the right place. I'm gonna start off with saying that. But ain't no way you could actually make that stuff happen. This nigga said the bus is free.

Like, bro, like you guys are paying taxes. Who is this guy? And then like, I don't know, like, yo, fuck Monda. No, I can't say that because I'm gonna have to, I might have to fucking see this guy. No, you're not going to. and I see him. By the way, just to point out a crazy fun fact, you said that you can't make the bus free, people have to pay taxes, and somehow you, Angel Diaz, make more economic sense than he

does, the mayor of New York, even you who thinks anime is shaking tits with backpacks and lockers and hits it from the back, eats a pussy on the back and feels your own finger, and that's when you know you did a good job. You know that economically it doesn't work to lower taxes and give out the bus for free. You know that that's impossible. Isn't that incredible that you know that? And the new mayor doesn't know that. And the majority of New York voted for him.

Guys, I'm going to start this off by saying I'm running for fucking mayor. I'm running. I don't know. Where? I don't know. You could actually win. You actually have a chance. All right.

Anything else crazy happening in your life, Angel Diaz? All right, let me see. Oh, in Austin, yo, I've been staying with this one chick that, like, does OnlyFans. And, like, I slept on her floor last night. And, yo, guys, I'm going to start this off by saying, I'm not hitting that. And I don't want to.

Like, the other day, she was like, yo, Angel, I'm going to go and give this guy a foot job. But the way she said it sounded like she was about to go pick up some fucking change or some bullshit. Like, it was, I don't know. Like, that's what I've been up to here. I've been staying with this OnlyFans shorty. And I've been trying so hard to not hit that.

Like, it got to the point where it's like, I feel like, yeah, she is trying to trick me into hitting that. But, nah, I'm not hitting that. Why aren't you hitting that? Because she's, oh, damn, I shouldn't say this now. What's her screen name? Hold on, Red Band. Jesus fucking Christ.

When I ask the question, guys, let the fucking person try to answer for a second. Go ahead. Why would you not hit it with an only fan? Yeah, why would you not hit it? I'll tell you right now, it's because like if I do it

then like this girl knows what my penis looks like and I like it's going to make me I don't I just don't want her to I just I just don't want her to like to tell nobody like what exactly it looks like perfect that's a good answer that's not a good answer what makes no sense

but good I like it I like it's fun it's fun stuff thank you I think it's his way of being self-deprecating and saying that he doesn't have a penis worth the world knowing about. How would you know? Tony, I will show you my penis right now. I don't know.

No, I get it. It's a fun riff. I like that. All right. Angel, very, very great interview, as always. We think you're so funny. Thank you for coming back and we'll see you again soon. Golden Siga winner, first time cash in.

Angel Diaz. He'll be back. We're going to keep it moving. All right. Your next bucket pool. Uh-oh. Very high. expectations of the name. Make some noise for Ty Funny everybody.

Cut that shit, DJ. Got this pink sweater on. I just left a lesbian baby shower. They were all girls. Yeah. My cousin, she's like the stud out of the relationship. That was the first time I got to see it, so I ain't know what to say. I was like, damn, got a nigga pregnant. Got a nigga pregnant. But her, her husband. her baby mother beefing. So we're not sure if she might be a single mother and father right now, we're gonna see. I just got fired from my job for stealing my coworker lunch. Anybody ever stole a coworker lunch before?

Just me. I stole my coworker hot pocket out the microwave, out the sleeve. You ever help somebody look for some shit that you stole? I came out the break room with the hot pocket sleeve. Like, yo, niggas stealing hot pockets now? Just gonna leave a sleeve. Thank you. That's my time. Hi, funny.

Good minute. Is that a true story you really steal the Hot Pocket or it's just a joke, right? I really stole the Hot Pocket. Oh my God. What job was this at, what kind of job was it? This was at the YMCA when I was Aquatic Director. Oh, my God. Amazing.

What exactly were you doing at the YMCA? I was an aquatic director. You were the aquatic director? You were no fucking way, dude. I can swim better than everybody up here. Are you serious? Did-ass. I used to train with Michael Phelps. I'm from Baltimore. You trained with Michael Phelps?

Yes, sir. Holy shit. That's like me being the basketball coach. Or me being Jewish, you know? It's like me being the How to Make a Woman have an Orgasm Coach. Am I right? Because I'm so good. We're red band being skinny. I actually, I know something. You didn't say the M-Wit at all. Did you want to do well or not really?

Welcome to the show type funny. How long you've been on stand-up? I've been known for about 10 years. 10 years. All of it in the Baltimore area? Baltimore, a little bit of land in New York. I've traveled right. I've been here before. I love it.

You how long ago were you were on the show before or in Austin? I was on the open mic on the other side. At the mother's show. Yes, sir. Nice. Awesome. So 10 years, you're kind of going around everywhere. Where are you based out of? New York. Right now, Austin, Texas.

Oh, nice. How long have you lived here? I just moved down here, probably last year. Sweet, fantastic. How are you making money here? I drive trucks right now. You're a truck driver? Yes, sir.

Wow, amazing. What type of freight are you pulling? Food. Food? Yes, sir. Hell yeah. How many hot pockets are you stealing? At least 80,000.

Yeah. The loads coming in a little light. I love it, Ty. Take us through some interesting fun facts about being a truck driver, because none of us, can really even imagine. We just see you guys.

I do a thing where I try to make you honk. Do you respond to people that do that? Not for adults. For the kids, for the kids, for sure. Everybody always says that. He would do it for me. Yeah, you would trick them. You trick them.

You do the thing, you cover up your facial hair and then just go like that. I get, I have an unbelievable ratio. I'm sure some of my friends up in the balcony that maybe are watching can attest to this. But a little fun fact about me, you get me sitting shotgun in your car. I go nonstop.

Red band knows this. We've traveled the country all around back when we used to have to drive from gig to gig, like absolute animals. Like we paid our dues. In any way, in any matter, I have a very high ratio. You don't think you would honk if a guy like me was like, please, please, come on, sir, please. Only if you had kids in the back. I would still kind of look at you suspicious.

Word for you, Tony. They do look at me a little suspicious sometimes when they do it in that one glimpse. If you're giving roadhead to Red Band, while you're doing it. Yes. Giving roadhead to Red Band while I'm doing it. Timmy One Note, everybody. Timmy One Note, hard at work over here.

Well, he's fucking gay, so I don't know what else to do. He doesn't give me a lot of stuff to work with. It's very hard to do. Fun fact, I never let Red Band drive a single mile on any of our road trips, correct? In fact, I don't think I let anybody drive. No, he was always in control of everything that we ever did. Correct. Okay, very good.

Ty, what do you think is the blackest thing about you? Knowing that you've had a job as an aquatic director and can swim better than anybody on stage, which is definitely the whitest thing about you, what do you think is the blackest thing about you other than the fact that you stole a hot pocket once? I don't know. I think the blackest thing is that we probably...

I don't fucking know. You run late sometimes? I mean, yeah, for sure. There you go. That'll work. We can start there. So there's a lot. And I smoke Newports.

Oh yeah, there you go. Perfect, absolutely. Shout out to Newports, official sponsor of Kill Tony. I love it. What's your preferred type of woman right now? What are you into right now? Anything that's a girl right now. I have this problem on dating sites where, like,

I was talking to this bad-ass trans nigger for like three days. He was a bad bitch. He was a bad bitch. The nigger was a bad bitch. Take us through this process step by step. Did you immediately know it was a trans? No, she sent me some titty pictures, so I sent him back a dick pick. Oh, yeah.

Then he sent me a dick pig. Got a new floating around the LGBT community. Did you swim away or anything? Amazing. That is so funny, Ty. Yeah, when a chick sends you a dick pick, that's no bueno, dude. No, bueno, no bueno. Amazing.

And how about here in Austin? Are you doing good with the ladies or whatever here in Austin? I mean, I'm just getting settled in, so we'll see. Right, absolutely. I'm sure. What's your living situation? You live in by yourself? Yes, sir.

Nice. A little studio apartment? You know it. And what's the craziest thing? If we were to open your refrigerator door right now, what would be the weirdest thing that we would find in it? Probably that trans man, that I was... You are so funny, Ty.

I ain't you know. You really are. You really are a funny guy. Welcome to the Kill Tony Universe. Here's a big joke book. Sign up again. Come back, Ty. Sign up again and come back, see us again.

We want another minute from, one more time for Ty Funny, everybody. Here's another bucket pool, everybody. We are coming around the corner. This should be about it. Make some noise for Bobby Ludlam, everyone. Bobby Ludlum. Up, Austin, Texas. How the hell are you?

My name is Bobby Ludlam. That's our first to Bobby and Alaska. Lincoln Union Delta Lima Alpha Mary. If any of you are fucking cops out there. I moved here from California because in California you have to suck dick for stage At least that's what I thought. Boy, was I embarrassed.

I was trying polyamory, which is Latin, for lonely on Friday night. I tried to get my girlfriend to have sex with me in the public restroom, you know, the family restroom at the public pool, and she said, no, what if we get caught? And I told her, don't worry, I'll just tell them you're my sister. I only play tag with non-binary,

so I can call them it. Bedtime must be a confusing time for the parents of a trans lad, Do you stop tucking him in? I drew an extremely detailed picture of Israel after a drone strike, and I accidentally invented a new form of art called hyper-Israelism. I don't always wear a watch if I want to know what time it is. I pull out my cock and someone says,

hey, your cock's out and it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And I go, thank you very much. Bobby Luddham. Amazing. Bobby, where are you from? I'm from California, Tony. Pomona, California. Very funny.

I love it. How about the accent? Where's that from? I just picked it up when I was working at Costco recently to mess with people. Thank you very much. Appreciate you guys. True fan of the show here. Oh, nice.

Hell yeah. Welcome, welcome. So Bobby, how long have you been on stand-up? I've been doing stand-up almost five years. Five years. Slip right back into it. Yeah, that happens. That Costco will get you.

Seriously, where you from? Yeah, but how do you have that accent? I don't. That was just for fun. Really? Just part of the show, Tony. I started on your show five years ago in L.A. Really? Yes, sir.

Been grinding every sense, trying to do this thing. Was this during the pandemic? It was. And it was one where you like sent in a video? No, I showed up at the Comedy Mother's Store, yeah. The comedy store. Yeah, no, I get it. It happens. So this was in the empty main room, basically?

It was right to a camera for my first time. Wow. An empty room for your first time. And you've been working hard on it since? Yes, sir. Yeah. The jokes are very, very smart. Not always absolutely hysterical,

but you have a very smart brain. Oh, thank you. Yes. Timmy, no brakes. Yeah, so you were doing an accent, right? It just drives me crazy when people do a character. Just be yourself, you know? Fucking cut it out and be yourself.

What are you doing? You don't need a fucking character in order to, Blow up a kiltov. Five years ago, Tony said the same thing. He said, start writing from the heart. You look like a crackhead, right, like one. Yeah, amazing. Here we are.

And so you still live in Pomona? No. I moved to Chicago for a couple of years, and now I just moved to Austin last week. Okay. I've been here one week. Wow. So this is your first time signing up for the show? I signed up three weeks ago.

I went on a cross-country tour with some first. friends from California to New York, and we stopped by here and signed up, but didn't get called. Is that when you decided to move here, or did you already plan on moving? I've been planning on moving here. Nice. And you plan to move here basically to do stand-up comedy? Yes, sir. What do you do to make money? All kinds of things right now. I got a job on Craigslist as a live-in caretaker for a 77-year-old man who has Alzheimer's. Wow. And they let me move in with him without even ever meeting me. Yeah. Wow. Luckily. I'm not a psycho.

Did they see a picture of you or anything? I wouldn't have gotten the job, no. Wow. Are you afraid they might find out about it from this episode? Perhaps someone's watching. No, they'll be okay. Yeah, and even if the guy's watching, he's going to forget about it anyway. Yeah, if he tried to call his family and complain about you, they wouldn't believe him anyway. They're like, ah, he's having one of his episodes.

He said the guy is a fucking Mohawk and speaks with an Irish accent. Amazing. Amazing. So what's that like? How long have you been with this? 77-year-old? So he has delusions and hallucinations. He's claimed that they're hiding drugs under his living room. He told me that the person who was taking care of him before was doing abortions in the bedroom that I'm currently staying in. Have you seen any hint of this? Are there any ghosts? A couple nights ago, he woke me up with a knife in his hand at three in the morning, and he told me there were three people that had broken into the house and they were currently in his bed.

that he wanted him out. Did you go check? I said, give me the knife. He gave me the knife. I said, I don't want you to fall. I went in, you know, helped him out, checked the bed, checked under the bed. So you really are taking care of this guy. I am. I really am. And they're paying you and you have a place to stay. So room and board, no pay, but free rent in Austin. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Is it far from here? Oh, about 25 minutes. Okay. And, uh, all right. So, how are you making money? Um, so I had to gig at Costco doing food samples and they told me it would transfer here. But as soon as I got here, asked for some availability and they haven't given me anything yet. So I'm currently looking.

I do all kinds of stuff, construction, and it should be pretty easy. But you have enough to survive for a little bit. Yeah. Survive is, yeah. Luckily, it doesn't take much for me. I'm kind of a minimalist. So, yeah, surviving. Same. There you go. What are your, like, hair gel expenses? Like, how much do you spend on that? I crush one blue chew up into some water, and I spray my head with it. That happens right there. Blue chew gold?

We love blue chew out here on these streets just to let you know. All right. So, Bobby, anything else crazy we should know about you? Any special skills or talents or anything like that? Yeah. Tons of weird stuff. I wrote a few of them down. I could beat any person on this stage at a staring contest except the madness.

For sure. Good point. What else you got? It took me three years to find out I got shot. Oh, tell us about that. So I got in trouble a long time ago. I had to go to jail. I went to jail and I got released on my own recognizance to prepare for trial.

And the first bit of time I was in jail was pretty uncomfortable. I was pretty broke. and I'd learned one of the things you could do is smuggle things back in with you to jail to make some money. So I got released and I decided to, you know, smuggle drugs back into jail when I went back in. And as I was getting the intake process, a sergeant came out and he asked the cop who was intaking us if I'd gone through the full body scanner yet. And he said, no, he didn't know how to use it. And the sergeant said, well, time to learn. And they put me through a full body scanner.

and the cop said, you ever been shot before? And I thought he meant he was going to shoot me because I was filled with drugs. And I said, no, sir. And he said, all right, I'm calling a detective down to open a case. And I said, why? And he said, what's inside of you? And I almost went, drugs.

And he said, you got a bullet in the back of your right kneecap. Did you know that? And I went, what? And he went, have you ever been shot? And I went, oh, yeah, that bullet. Yeah, I got shot. And he said, and you forgot? And I said, yeah.

And he said, get the fuck back in line. And I get back in line and I'm shaking, like visibly shaking. And there's this gangster dude next to me. He's got L.A. tattooed on his forehead, but not just the words, the whole skyline of L.A. tattooed on his forehead. And he goes, he goes, what are you shaking for, dog? You're a gangster. And I went, what?

And he went, dude, most people get shot. They brag about it. You got shot and forgot. And I said, and I'm only. also filled with drugs. And he went, what? We're going to party when we get in there. Hell, yeah.

Let's go. Well, Bobby, I like your style, man. It's incredible that you started on an empty stage during the pandemic, during the comedy store. And here you are. Wasn't that unbelievable, but I like the fact that you wore a Kill Tony shirt and that you're that big of a fan and that you're chasing your dream.

So here's a big joke book. Welcome to Austin, Texas. Bobby. Thank you. Lovellum, everybody. All right, one last bucket. We're going into overtime. Is that okay with you guys?

You guys still having fun out there? A little bit longer, because why the fuck not? Make some noise for Will Hunsinger, everybody. Will Hunsinger. Here we go. Feels good to be here, man. I love doing this shit. It's my favorite part of my night every night.

It's going to perform for you guys. I still got my day job and everything. My day job of an engineer. I got my degree in aerospace engineering, which is not what you want to hear right now. I know that. Because you don't want someone working on airplanes who has other dreams.

You know what I'm saying? We told too many kids they can, like, be anything when they grow up, you know what I mean? That's why the doors were flying off at Boeing because... Because somewhere the door guy just wanted to dance.

You know what I'm saying? You know what dreamers making airplanes, all right? You want autism making airplanes. That's... You want the type of guy when, like, his peas touches mashed potatoes, he freaks out. Like, that...

We're cool! And you're like, good, Tyler, good, okay. Calm down. Give him more Pokemon carts. We're paying him in Pokemon carts. We gave him a Charzard last week. He finished the whole fucking plane. This kid's incredible.

All right. Yeah. Have you been on this show before, Will? I have. Yeah, I remember you. Welcome back, Will. How are you? Feels good.

It's good. I don't know. Last time I was shit my pants, so this feels better. I'm happy this one. Okay. Tell us about the difference between last time and this time.

Well, last time. I was like in a relationship and you start pressing me on sexual shit right away. And I was like, I don't want to embarrass anybody. And now I'm single, so I'm just like, fuck it, who cares? Great. It was like a weird spot. So what were you afraid to answer last time? I don't remember.

I think you were asking me like bad sexual stories and I was just like, I don't want to say it's in front of three million people. So go ahead. What are they now? Oh, God. It's been weird, man. I'll be honest. Like the breakup, like we split up like a couple months ago and it was like not a good one.

Like, because sometimes you got to have a breakup and you're like, hell yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, we've all been in that breakup. And the other times you're in the breakup where you're like, man, I'm going to watch saving Private Ryan all night tonight. Like that's... So it's just been sad, weird shit, you know? Like, we were in Tampa the other week. I was doing shows out there, and there's a lot of swingers out there.

And this couple came up to me after. And they were like, my husband... This woman was like, my husband likes to watch. Like, would you be interested in that? And I was like, yeah, he's about to watch me crying your arms tonight, bitch. I'm not down for this shit, dude. I'm not ready. I was like, if you could just sit in that chair and tell me he's proud of me, that would be way...

I just need a hug, dude. I'm good. I'm not. Dude, shout out Blue Chew, man. It works for Coke Dick and Depression. Did you know that? It's fucking had my back. Blue Chewold actually does.

It has things that affect your mental health that make you feel better. It is true. Yeah. Will, what else is going on in life? Yeah, I mean, it's been weird running around awesome. I've been here for like a year and a half. Comedy's going good. We've been busy there.

I moved here from Vegas, and Vegas was fucking nuts, so it's kind of good being in- What did you do for a living in Vegas? So I went to school for aerospace engineering, so I worked for like a jet engine company for a little while. And then now I work for the city of Austin, fucking water department.

Fucking gotcha guys. We're doing our best. No, that's great. I like it here. But yeah, Vegas worked in this is a giant, dangerous chemical plant that's now been like shut down, and that place was fucking sketchy as shit because it was all like condemned,

and it was weird. It was weird, because like, you'd be in these, like giant, these giant chemical buildings and stuff, and then they'd be like, there'd be a chain link fence through the middle of it, and they'd be like, yo, that other half of the building is condemned and radioactive. And I was like, that's a chain link fence.

Like, I don't think we're going to be all right. And then also, like, we're on the same roof, so condemn's not great. I don't like this. But, yeah, that place was sketchy as fuck. And then I worked for the water department out there for a little while. I used to go inside of pipes, and that was cool and drive robots and shit. But engineering stuff, you know, it's cool. You know.

Yeah, I'm crazy. You went inside of pipes? You seem like... Yes, you are more suited for me. Yeah, okay. We took your work, man. That's my bad. Fucking...

Check in with the great Timmy, no breaks here. How you doing, Tim? Hey, pretty good. I got a question for you. Please. When death comes, will you be ready to go, or will you cling to the life because you're terrified you never truly lived?

Perhaps the greatest question in the history of the... show from the elite super regular Timmy No Break. Is he been doing this shit all night? Is this just me? Repeat the question please one more time? Could I have it once more? Nope.

I'm not doing it. I think he accidentally answered it by wanting it a little bit more. I just, I mean, now that I've been in the room with Timmy No Break's, I feel pretty satisfied. I'll be honest. This is, I feel great being with you, Tim. Follow up question. And tricks in the bedroom. Yeah, I roll play.

as you usually. They have me put on the jacket and sunglasses and just fucking talking an accent the whole fucking time. Wow, look at that. Look at that. Willie, no break. Yeah, try masturbating like that. Will Hunsinger.

Anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you go? I mean, shit. I mean, like I said, I'm just down bad right now. I wish I had some more crazy shit. It's been... I saw I had a weird sexual interaction with a girl who didn't shave right and that was weird. That was a few weeks ago. Tell us about that. What do you mean didn't shave

right? So like, because okay, because she thought like shaving, you know, like she shaved, like when I saw her, like, it was like a wedding and she was like, oh, you're lucky, like I shaved just for this. And I was like that's cool, you know, and then she took off her dress so she had shaved, like it was

shaved. And then she went up on the, I went to go down on her because I'm a gentleman. And thank you. And then she put her legs but she didn't shave anywhere underneath. Did you get what I'm saying? Ah.

Like, she thought shaving was just this. She never did, like, fucking one of these in the shower. I've never put my leg up on a table either. Brad Williams, ladies and gentlemen. So I was down there, and, like, I wanted to go for it, but, like, I was just, it was looking at, like, like, a pussy with mutton chops. Like, it was...

It was bad, man. It was weird. I didn't like it. I don't know. Yeah. That threw me. I was like, I'm not fucking anybody for a while, I think. I'm going to take a break.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fun times, Will. We're going to keep him moving along. There he goes, Will Hunt singer, ladies and gentlemen. One last bucket pool.

What do you guys say, huh? Make some noise for him, ladies and gentlemen. It is the name that goes by Sean Glazer, everybody. Sean Glazer, everyone. Here we go. I've been on TikTok way too much. To the point where I'm just like watching ads all the way through. You don't have to do that.

You can just keep scrolling. I saw an ad for a product called Boom Boom Stick. A little chapstick size tube. It's got smelling salts in it to wake you up before work. Comes in flavors like mint and mango and citrus. Their tagline, it's legal cocaine. I don't know about you guys. I've done illegal cocaine.

If it doesn't taste like loose change, I don't want it. Get that blueberry bullshit. out of here. Do you have a nickel-flavored boom-boom stick? Saw an ad for a speakeasy. It's a little ironic. I thought they were supposed to be a secret. I feel like Al Capone would be rolling in his grave. He saw these people selling a martini for 20 bucks. Calling it a vermouth, bait, or Gensberg or something gay. Sean Glazer. Hey. Hello. How are you? Welcome. I'm good. How long have you been on stand-up?

Four years. How long have you been doing jiu-jitsu? About six Really? No, I just lift Okay, there you go Timmy, follow-up question on that Since you wanted to start this Yeah, you kind of ate it

And I'm not talking about Dejornos, so Sean, where you from? I'm from Des Moines. Nice, I love it Yeah, shout out Iowa Yeah, there you go Anybody? You live in Austin now?

Yeah, I moved down a couple months ago. Well, welcome, welcome. What's something crazy we should know about you? in overtime right now. I'm two years sober? Whoa. Purn.

Pia-Ber-P-Ber-P-R. Everybody, darn it, Tavern, do you want? Everybody, Sean Glazer, everyone. Here's a medium joke book. Here you go, buddy. Boom. All right.

Hey. You get to 780 episodes or whatever. Sometimes you just get to do whatever the fuck you want. You know what I mean? All right. Williams' dealing

with a family tragedy. Maddie is doing sold-out shows around the world. Timmy No Break's is sitting right here. Dedrick is dealing with a family something. It's all true. Everything I'm saying is true. So, to close tonight's show, I decided to go with an old veteran of the game. A true, true legend of the Kill Tony Universe, who I'm sure has a rock-solid brand-new

minute for us. Here to close us out, family style. America's favorite uncle. Make some noise for David Jolly, everybody. How y'am, brum, burn. How y'all doing tonight? White people in Puerto Rico. Hell yeah, man.

I've been thinking about life lately, man. I've been thinking about my aunt Rose a lot. She was one of my favorite people on earth. She had dementia. Y'all know how dementia work, right? When they get older, they old, but they're living in the best moments of their life. And I talk to my aunt Rose,

and she'll say something like, hey, David, you want to go on a hay ride? And I'm like, Hey, right, who this bitch went to school with? Huckerberry Finn? But the crazy part about dementia is that ain't never going to change. We're going to be dealing with dementia in 40 years. But can you imagine them kids from the day with dementia in 40 years? Somebody, Grandma, jump up at Thanksgiving.

Give me a mop and a sock for this wet-ass pussy. Grandma, get that BB out of them mashed potatoes. Six, seven, six, six, seven. Thank y'all. Y'all, y'all been a whole bunch of fun, man. David Jolly. 55 seconds from David Jolly. Great stuff.

David. Timmy, no breaks? Yeah, uh, how's SNL going? Hey, I ain't gonna lie, Timmy. You're my favorite homosexual, man. I swear to God, you this. Okay. You're gonna regret that.

No, I'm not. No, all right. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck I'm gonna call you something. Uh-uh. Uh-oh. I love you, man. You are out of living. All right.

Whoa. David, how's life going? Man, life's great, man. You know, got me a new set of teeth on the road every weekend. You know, got a girl. You know, life pretty good. Who's this girl? A chick, a girl.

That's black. Whoa. I don't know. I mean, I ain't going to say a name. Relax. My black. My mama live down here, though. Remember you talked to my mama that day on the phone?

Yes, I did talk to you. Yeah, I moved my mom in with me. So, yeah, things going to. pretty good moving from Florida so she can be a little easier on her you know what I mean she's from Orlando you know we're from Orlando but uh I moved to here around like Thanksgiving so you know she just getting on my fucking nerves every day yeah tell us about that what's mama doing oh you know she cooking and cleaning shit up you know I usually wash like once a week but every time I come home now she just washing shit you know what I mean cooking what's mom

cooking she is spaghetti chicken you know chicken we love that chicken Is there chicken in the spaghetti? Yes, I'm tied together. Red band. I promise you that was not on purpose. In his defense, in his defense, the soundboard is labeled in alphabetical order and chicken and chimp are right next to each other.

I'm looking at it. Look, they're right. Turn the fucking thing up. I don't know why you pretend like your job's harder than it is. See? They're right next to each other. I ain't even here that shit. Right next to crow and dog.

Right? And your girlfriend. He's saying that your girlfriend is a fat black woman. Hey man, you're a fat white man, red man. We're using friends, red band. I can't wait to diabetes catch up with your ass, you motherfucker. You big fat bitch you. You're dating a skinny black woman.

Nah, she's like a thick one, you know. She ain't that, though. She can see her feet, motherfucker. You know what I mean? She ain't that big, you know. Where'd you meet her at? I met her in life. I'm just saying, like, in a store, like, well,

you know, I just walked up old school style. No internet, you know, like, what up, baby girl? What store was it? Ross. Oh. My God. Fucking I love Ross, man. Hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. What's the blackish thing about you? This big old dick. You know what you're going on. Yeah, yeah. Wow. How big is it, David?

Whoa, Tony, you freaking Freddy motherfucker, you all right? Just give us a number, David. Just give us a... 35 inches. Hold on. I'm trying to... Hold on. I can't measure it in a while, you know.

Wait, that's the wrong one. Sorry. Okay. All right, David. Anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you? Not really. Oh. Did you get that wacky shirt off of, did you steal that off of a giant teddy bear or something? Like, what is that?

I bought this at the polo outlet on the clearance rack. Okay. I like it. It's a nice shirt, aren't it? I don't know what you just said. I didn't understand that. I purchased this shirt from the polo outlet. I get it.

I understand. Thank you. Came off the shirt. That's right. Crystal clear. All right, Tim. David Jolly, we love you. Thank you so much. There you go.

David Jolly, we did. That's an episode of Kill Tony, brought to you by Netflix. The roast of Kevin Hart is out. Kill Tony Mania is out. Get tickets for Madison Square Garden, August 7th, and 8th. Two totally different shows. You can get combo tickets and come to both nights. That's what I would do, because if you're, if not, you're not a real fan.

Shout out to Asphalt 3D one more time. Brad Williams. New Special Live on Short Street is on YouTube.com. Backslash Brad Williams Comedy. Thank you, Brad, for joining us. The man, the myth, the legend, Timmy No Brakes, ladies and gentlemen. Biggest and Blackest on YouTube. YouTube.com back slash Timmy No Break.

What a fun episode. Red Band. I'll be in San Diego, July 9th through 11th at the American Comedy Code.com. And I love you. I love you, Neo. How about one more time for the robot joining us, playing the tambourine, everybody? All right. Let's check in with the art of Chris Rogers over there.

Let's see what he drew tonight. Oh, Brad and Timmy. Amazing. Amazing stuff. Why is this? That's great. That looks good. All right, we love you guys.

Thank you so much. Good night, everybody.