KILL TONY - KILL TONY #775 - JOE ROGAN + THAT MEXICAN OT

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

Joe Rogan, That Mexican OT, Timmy No Brakes, Pat O'Neill, Dedrick Flynn, Martin Phillips, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Grooveline Horns, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 06/22/2026 THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:  ZipRecruiter: Try it FOR FREE at http://ZipRecruiter.com/KILLTONY  PrizePicks: Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TONY and use code TONY and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for everything, the golden pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquod.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquod.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Toney. Comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get over and Tony! It's good! Make some fucking noise. It's going down here. Texas. Oh my God. How we feel?

Am we ready for tonight's show or what? It feels good in here. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the awesome sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to get tonight's show started? I think you guys have to do better than that.

You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? A week, I book this Mamma Jamma as good as I possibly can. My God, am I proud of this week's work? I mean, you know, you never know who you're going to get here. Sometimes it's just a fucking some of the best comedians. Sometimes it's a funny rock star. Sometimes it's a this, it's a that. It just doesn't get any better than this.

It doesn't get any more fucking Texas than this. As I present to you two of my favorite Texas residents. One is one of my favorite rapper. in the world who happens to be fucking hilarious and an unbelievable live performer. The other one of my best friends, one of my favorite comedians in the world, and without a doubt, the undisputed

biggest podcaster in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's guests that Mexican OT and Joe Rogan. Ladies and gentlemen, comedy mothership. Ladies and gentlemen, the pride of Texas, that Mexican OT's first time on panel.

here tonight. Virgil, say hi to these beautiful people out here. How we feeling, Texas? I feel good, man. Blesses, blessings, baby. We're so thrilled to have you. Ladies and gentlemen, it is without a doubt the return of the great Joe Rogan is here,

everyone. Always happy to be here, Tony. We always have a good old time. We keep our finger on the pulse watching the next levels of talent or untalent, as we've seen many a times on this show. over 200 human souls signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds on this stage. You know, their time is up in the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts their set. I conduct an interview. We find out more about them and what they can talk about, about the interesting facts of their lives. We're going to let this trans school shooter pull the first name out of the bucket here tonight. Congratulations to you,

just to show the authenticity of the show, a normal human future assailant picking the first name. And while we go wrangle that bucket pool, we have a golden ticket winner here to give us our first minute of comedy tonight. This is only his second time ever on this show. Everybody fell in love with him

when he won his golden ticket just a couple months ago. Make some noise. This is the second ever appearance of golden ticket winner. Martin Malloy, everybody. Here we go. Hi, I'm Marty.

They say if you're being bitten by a dog, just like your finger up its butt, and it will release. But in my case, I think that's why that dog was biting me in the first place. I like to wear sunglasses to funerals, so when people look at me, they think, that's the killer.

Have you ever seen a really fat guy in a bad mood, and you know he's in a bad mood because he's a really fat guy? Have you ever seen a guy working McDonald's in a bad mood, and you know he's in a bad mood because he's a guy working in McDonald's? Have you ever seen a really fat guy working in McDonald's? in a good mood, and you know he's in a good mood, because he's a really fat guy that worked at McDonald's.

Okay, I'm a really fat guy that works at McDonald's. 50% discount, ladies. I had some more fat jokes, but I ate them. A bidet is just a drinking fountain for your thirsty, thirsty butthole. I told this woman I had a big dick. She said, I don't like big dicks. I said, do you like liars? Martin Malloy, ladies and gentlemen, has done it again.

Absolutely fucking joke machine. You, I mean, you are just unstoppable, Martin. We love you here. Step up to that mic. Okay. Yeah, I want to update my diagnosis. Yeah. As you know, I'm schizophrenic.

Yeah. But I'm also bipolar. So after I kill someone, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Absolutely perfect. I love it. We love you. We love you, Mark. I want to talk to you about my talk space.

Okay, let's talk right into that microphone. I'm, I joined Talkspace, and they're going to help me with dieting and stopping gambling. My family staged a gambling intervention for me. They bet me I wouldn't show up. Martin, what are you gambling on? I can't picture you. Really? One time I won $50,000 in the lottery and a $20 scratch off in Ohio,

and I spent a whole $50,000 on lottery tickets. I did buy a car for $500, but that was it. Wow. What an amazing business model. Can I drop my Instagram? Oh, okay. Why don't we just take it one step at a time here, Martin? I know you have a list of things you want to get to.

Okay. But you said you're using talk space to help with dieting as well. What are you trying to get off of? Pop. You're on pop. Pop. Yeah, I drink seven or eight pops a day, and I eat at least a large peroni pizza a day.

I started dieting like three days ago. I haven't lost anything yet, I don't think. Marty, what kind of medication you are? I'm on chytopine, which is syracos, which is really good. I'm on tracidone, which helps me sleep. And I'm on vitamin D and some other stuff. Okay. Big drop off from tracidone to vitamin D, by the way.

There is a world of difference between those two drugs. Whoa. What happens if you get off them? I go crazy. What? I, uh, my family will send me to the mental hospital, which they did one time they sent me to the mental hospital because I was asked to be on the Howard Stern show

because I was schizophrenic if my head gave me winning stock picks. And my mom said she'd have a heart attack, and my boss said I'd be fired. So I canceled my appearance. And then my family sent me to the metal hospital so I wouldn't appear on the show. Damn, those cock blockers. Well, look at you now.

Yeah. How long have you been doing comedy? Since November 2004. But I couldn't do it for six years because I had in a large prostate and I had to pee every three minutes. And I couldn't work. I couldn't work because they wouldn't give me a catheter.

I don't know why they wouldn't give me a catheter so I could work. I just had to lug around a bucket of pee all day at work. You are a national treasurer. Yes, he is. We need to keep you alive. We need to keep you alive and out of jail, sir. That Mexican OT, this is that American OCD.

Glad you guys get to meet. Can I talk about the frog jump? Sure, yeah. Talk about the famous Cleveland Frog Jump. It's Valley City, Ohio Frog Jump, and I have a booth there July 19th at the Frog Jump. And I'm trying to go one step further and be the Grand Marshal. So if you know anyone in Valley City that runs the Frog Jump,

tell them to make me the Grand Marshal. Oh, I'm sure our fans. What are we even talking about? It's a... Well, Tony asked me last week if I had any hobbies, and I said I did. And I did go to the Valley City Frog Jump. And the first time I did it, they told me to hold onto the frog tight. I held out so tight that I killed it.

And so I'm selling, I'm selling frog stress balls to say, don't kill me Marty on them. This guy is a marketing machine. It's unbelievable. You can get them at very funny comedy. Tom. Okay. Martin,

so this is a competition in which they judge the length in which the frog jumps. They jump three feet and they're going to spread out parachute in the thing.

And you jump three? Explain it one more time a little bit slower. Okay. There's a parachute that they spread out and it's circular. They put the parachute

on the frog? On the ground. It's a big parachute. Okay. And you jump three times and they measure the distance from three times three jumps

and to the center and that's how you win. I've had the second longest jump one year. My nephew Jimmy has won the frog jump two years. Was you and your family the only people who entered? No, lots of people go there. You seem like it'd be a fucking line around the block. I want to talk

about my doctor prescribed me Viagra. Let's go. Let's talk about that. We're more a blue shoe people here. What do you? What did he describe it to you? What was his directions? He wanted me to use it with a girl.

Oh. How odd and how uninclusive. I had to lie to him and tell him that it's for me and my girlfriend when really I just use it to masturbate. Wow. I love it. So you'll pop a Viagra, then what?

You open up a website? No, I just masturbate. You don't use like a magazine? You're staring a corner of the wall and say, I'm a bad boy. Maybe if you weren't jizzing on your frogs, they'd win the competition. are in a sticky situation.

Are you giving it to the frost? I bet you pop big lows. It's a lot of extra weight. I just think of my love interest, Julia Mary. And Julie Mary, my love for you is stronger than any restraining order.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Let's go. You are amazing, Martin.

Oh, Redfin. I got something for you. Tony's got a maidenianian. by illegal's wristband on? And I got one for you, but I have to special order because it's XXL because you're fat. Oh, you just got roasted by your future self.

That is amazing. Wow, Martin, I got to tell you, you are a... Hey, there's one that you want to ask you. Uh-huh. Before I go, can I get a second golden ticket for my other personalities? Buddy, you have whatever you want. You keep doing jokes like that

and interviews like this. You're unstoppable. I got another Viagra. I got another Viagra. Okay. My doctor prescribed me in Viagra is five pills for only $10. That's just $2 per Kardashian. That's just a joke.

I have much better taste than that. I love you. Martin, everybody loves you. The Kill Tony Universe loves you. You did it again. Congratulations. Martin Molloy, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much, Mark.

Sure. Say your Instagram. My Instagram is Cleveland Comedian. Please follow me a Cleveland comedian. Thank you. No doubt. Follow Martin Molloy. This is a sweet man.

This guy's bipolar and has it together more than most of these bucket pulls. It's incredible. And to the bucket we go, this is where we found Martin. This is where we found all of our regulars. Everybody has a shot. Ladies and gentlemen, your first bucket pool

tonight. We're going to meet them all together. It goes by the name of Patrick Cassaday, everybody. Here we go. What's up, everybody? Watch out there. Give it up for my dad, everybody. That's a hell of a...

You guys like impressions? All right. impression for you. I'm going to set this one up. This one is Kermit the Frog. He's going over to my grandmother's house. I was sex with her. All right. Hi, ho.

Kermit D. Frog here. He's called my grandma, oh. All right. I have a better one. This is a better one. This one is Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's at a gang bang with Kermit the Frog at my grandma's house. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Camet, you be front. I'll be back. All right, that was dumb. All right. What does a gay... No. What does a straight horse... I'm gonna fuck that out. What does a straight horse say to a gay horse?

What's you doing back there? I got one more. How come everybody says, if I had a time machine, I would go back in time and kill baby Hitler. But nobody says, I would kidnap him and raise him right. I don't... All right, that's my time, guys. Oh, wow.

Dude, you need to get on some of Marty's drugs. Yeah. I'm prescribing you. Trasidone and vitamin D. Get on that stuff. You think him already stealing him? No. Wow, what's incredible

is we found out during his set that there's one woman over in this area that will laugh at absolutely fucking anything. If you just leave a space like you did a joke, there is a random woman over here that will crack the fuck up. So keep an eye on that for the rest of the show.

There's a woman that will laugh at the most unfunny shit ever said. Unfunny. I mean, the impressions weren't even spot on and they were impressions of the people. I mean, those are the most impressioned impressions.

Yeah. I'm still working on those. Yeah, you're still working on a lot. Hell yeah. It's about 11th month in comedies. I think your odds are better of playing for the actual 49ers than...

You're not wrong. Patrick, how long have you been attempting stand-up? This was about 11 months. 11 months. And how often are you performing? Well, I got a full-time job, so that kind of cut into it. the job? Night crew manager

at H.E.B. Oh, nice. All right. There's a redeeming quality about you. Without a doubt, we love H.E.B. here at Kill Tony. Huge H.E.B. fans. Tell us what working the night crew at H.E.B. is like. It's not easy for Winter 53. Well, neither is comedy, obviously.

Yeah. Oh, geez. So tell us about it. What goes on there that would surprise people? Well, you get to, you know, you get to rock out to your music the whole time. I didn't, I've ever have to. You're on the ox at H.E.B.? I'm on the, no, I'm on the, I don't know what that is.

That's like a Bluetooth system. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, it has Bluetooth. So you literally got to go down the aisle and tell them something because they're just rocking out. So, but night cruise is different than, obviously, day. What's your home life like, Patrick? You seem like the kind of guy that.

I wasn't an RV for the first 10 months. Uh-huh. And then just got an apartment. On 41st Street by my HV, so. Nice. By yourself? Yeah, it's me and the dog. One bedroom?

One bath. One bath. And what kind of dog is it? It's a white lab. What's the dog's name? Nala. Wow. Martin has his finger up his ass right now somewhere.

41st Street near the H.E.B. He's sniffing it out. So, Patrick, let's talk about your life. Have you suffered any trauma or anything like that that might be funnier than Kermit and Arnold Schwarzenegger, gang banging your mother? there's something in your real life? Grandmother, hey. No, I don't know why I got mad at that.

There's lots of trauma in my life, yeah. Like what? Well, I was on this show in... Oh, perfect. Great, I'm sure. In September 24, and the night the show aired, I had a big party and all my friends watched with me, and it was actually better than this.

Uh-huh. Here we go. Right after the show. Right after the show, I got a call from the hospital and my mom would die. Oh, shit. She must have seen your performance and just stopped. I did kill.

I did kill. That was one time. Wow. That's incredible. So mom died at... Yeah, so I went from like the highest high to like the lowest low in like one second. Damn. It was actually, it was tough, but it took me about 10, 12 months to sell their places and then move out here.

That's perfect. I've been doing about six to eight open mics. A week. Well, there you go. So. So you're trying. Don't you have like a, do you think you have like a better joke than what you? You said you killed the first time you were on the show?

Well, my mom died, so. That's what he was saying. But you did well the first time? I got a big joke book. I think it was going to do to the interview, not so much of my material. What happened during the interview that went so well? Just told you my story about taking care of my dad and how he died. Oh.

So really, I mean, I haven't killed twice. But yeah, it was just like a, you know, we walked him. You know, we watch the show together all the time. Ah, that's right. It's coming back to me now. Patrick. So what else is going on, man? It has to be something exciting in life.

There has to be something to bring the morale in the room up a little bit here. I'm ready to jump in front of a fucking train. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is probably going to go the wrong way, but I just bought a new gun. Oh, a new gun. Oh, shit. Wow.

Jesus Christ. What does it taste like? Copper. Have you gone to the range or anything with it? I haven't. I don't know if you can recommend a good indoor range. Yeah, there's a range. It's called the range.

Go to the range. I could probably find it. Amazing. So what made you get the gun? It was a good deal from a friend. Wow. He wanted to buy this gun. I was like, yeah, I'll buy it.

Gave you a good deal on it. Good deal. $200. Do you think he, is there a reason why it was such a good deal for this gun? Zero numbers filed out. That's kind of weird, but... All right. Well, Patrick, go fill up that big joke book I gave you last time, buddy.

I'll do. I actually turn it into an autograph book for all my favorite comedians. Well, there you go. Got a lot in there already. I love it. Patrick Hasaday, everybody. Keep writing, Patrick. Do something different next time.

All right. Oh, my God. There she is. That always cleanses the room. I'm always looking for little ways to save it. time. I'll answer emails while I'm waiting for coffee, order the same household stuff on subscription, so never have to think about it. And if there's a way to avoid an extra air, now I'm doing it. Time is the one thing you never get back. Everybody's got their own little system,

right, Red Band? We all have our own time saving hacks for everyday life. But if you're a business owner, how can you save time hiring? ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter has a new feature that quickly lets you see the most interested, qualified candidates first. So you save time by meeting the right people faster. And right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash kill Tony. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology finds qualified candidates quickly. Candidates can even tell you in their own words why they're interested in your job. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2.

Save time and meet great candidates sooner with ZipRecruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash Kill Tony. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Kiltony. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Clarence Clamclap, everyone. Anything can happen here. But what up? Hey, hey. So I moved my mom in with me recently to help her out financially is what I'm telling people.

And I'm trying to find something to watch together the other day, so I go to put on Talladega Nights. And she's like, I can't watch anything with Will Ferrell in it. He's an asshole in real life. So then I go put on a new girl. Love Zoe Day Chanel. She goes, I can't watch anything with her in it. She's a bitch in real life.

And I go, Mom, you like Kevin Spacey. We all remember what he was doing in real life, right? He's got him little boys by the bussy. My mom told my brother and I, if it wasn't for us to, she wouldn't move back to Hollywood a long time ago. And I said, Mom, you should have, and you could have taken us with you, I would have been one of those boys. I had a pretty cute mouth and I could keep it shut when I was younger.

How ironic it would have been if she had the crush on Mr. Spacey and I was the one that got to fuck him. Pull a real Kaiser Sosea on her, you could say. and I would have been one of his usual suspects. Thank you very much. Clarence Clam clap, everybody. Wow. You even got the lady that laughs at everything

to shut the fuck up. That's incredible. Nice. Amazing Clarence Clam clap. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've done like 10 mics to kind of like prepare for this because I didn't want to be like one of those douche balls that had nothing prepared.

Well, you were halfway there. Halfway there. You prepared something? Nothing. And how long have you been attempting to start your own militia? Since I picked up this jacket from a thrift store, I guess. Hell yeah. All right, Clarence.

So how old are you? I'm 36. 36. What made you want to start stand-up now? Well, I do music normally, and I can't find a drummer. At least the drummer, I'm a bassist and a vocalist, and I live out in Las Vegas, and either drummers are in 10 projects or they used to play drums a lot. and they don't anymore so they don't have a kid and they have a life or they want to play one type of music like and it's usually death metal and I like you know life is ebbs and flows I like to play it all like punk I like hip hop alternative all that shit I think you answered a whole different question sorry so I started comedy because it's easier to do by yourself I'm sorry what was that O T what did you say bro I said my high ass listening to him I don't say that's

answer your question. I started comedy because it's easier to do by yourself. Oh, got it. Yes. But you play the bass. I play the bass. And you've been playing that for how long? Like 13 years. Okay. And you're in a band right now? I'm in a project called Clarence and the Claremclaps where I play all the characters. So I gave myself split personality disorder. Wow. All right. Well, okay. Yeah. I'm sorry. All right, Clarence. Do you make money doing that? Or is that just like more like a passion project? It's a passion right now, man. I would love to like do a little tour. I would love to just find a drummer, but how long, uh, what do you do for an actual living? I'm a certified nurse assistant. Really? You're a nurse's assistant. Yes, sir.

So what do people say when you show up next to their hospital bed? No, so I got a, it's a very low maintenance client. I work for him in home and I go to his house. And I clean his house, um, help him out with duties throughout the day, pays the bill. and helps support my mom. You support your mom? Yes, sir. Where's your mom at? Las Vegas.

What's wrong with her? So she's retired. She's on a fixed income of $1,400 a month. And in Vegas, that's like rent in a lot of places. I mean, unless you win a lot of money gambling. Hey. Well, I must have done wrong in my past life because I fucking suck at it. Why does she live in Vegas?

We both live in Vegas. That's where you're from. Born and raised. Born and raised. Born and raised. What made her pick Vegas is the place to raise you? Ooh. Uh, is that where that's a good question for her.

Is that where she was born? No, she was born in California. And then my grandma was the original showgirl. They moved to Vegas. So she kind of got raised out there. And then she moved back to Santa Monica and then like back to Vegas. So she's been back and forth. Tell us something interesting about your life that makes you different than everybody else.

Let's see. I, uh, I quit meth by my life. by myself, no rehab. Quit meth? Yes, sir. Perfect. Let's talk about this. All right.

Thank you. Now we're talking. Here we go. I'm trying to find out what happened. Damn, that's a part I'm trying to forget. Well, let's go. Let's start here. How did you start on meth?

What happens exactly to where you're like, fuck, I'm out of weed? Let's try me. Tell us about the first hit. Yeah. The first hit's incredible. Yeah, yeah. Take us through it.

How does it start? Are you by yourself? Are you with a friend? What happens? I was with guys? that sold me weed in high school. How were you dressed? How were they dressed?

How were you dressed? Probably Echo Unlimited gear and shit, Sean John or whatever. Got it. Yeah, yeah. Keep going. Yeah, probably Air Force ones. And then, you know, we're high as fuck.

And they just busted out the pipe and started twisty turning out. He's like, you want to try this? And I was young and susceptible. How young? I was, I was 15. 15 and you started meth. Yeah.

Woo! Let's go. Vegas, baby. So what happens? You hit that sweet, sweet rock, and then what? That's funny. I stayed up a while, and then I walked home. It wasn't too far.

Talk us through the first hit. Yeah. Describe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. And use your words. What's it like?

It's like, it's like the best. fucking, God, man. It's ineffable. It's really ineffable. And that's why you chase it. It's really ineffable. Like, you are so, like, high and you escape all reality.

And that's what it's really for, is to escape reality. And I fucking, that's what I was trying to do. There's a couple people trying to escape reality right now because of this amazing interview. So how did you get off of math? I did it for 10 years. And I always knew I would get off of it

because I hung out with people that were older to me. And I just like, I don't want to be fucking 40, 30, even 25 still doing this shit. Yeah. Right. So I was, I got ripped off at Subway one time trying to get a bag. So that was like. That was it. Yeah, I was like, this leads me to the same shady people, the same shitty situations.

And I was smoking weed in the subway bathroom looking to myself like, look, this shit doesn't do that to you. How long have you been off, Matt? July 14, 2014. Oh, 2014. Wow. All right. Thank you. All right, Clarence, clam, clap.

Well, we will be on the lookout for you. Here's a little joke book, my friend. There he goes. So much, guys. Clarence, Clam, clap. We're going to keep it moving along here. Some tough interviews out of this bucket so far. There goes Clarence.

You guys having fun out there? I told you. Anything can happen. Could be the next talent, could be an insane human being. That's biggest accomplishment is stopping the meth that they, started. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Zavi, ladies and gentlemen, Zavi.

What's going on, guys? I bought the sweater specifically for this, and this is like my 10th time trying to sign up, and so I've just been bringing this every time, and I was excited to put it on when they called my name, and I just realized this is a girl's sweater. Do you want to know how I know it's a girl's sweater? Where's the rest of it? This is crazy.

And I don't like it, because I'm getting fat. I don't know if it looked like it, but I'm getting fat. So this happened, where my friend gave birth and I was at the hospital and I was taking a picture of the baby. I was taking a video and I was right here in front of the baby and I didn't want to make any noise because the baby was being so cute doing baby things and I was like oh this is beautiful I uploaded it to Instagram and then all of a sudden DM started coming I was like oh man they love the baby and then one of my friends message me and his message was bro why are you breathing so loud I was like oh fuck I'm breathing

like a big guy this is crazy I deleted it I didn't want people seeing it all of a sudden it's too late you sent it to the friend group and my friend was like oh my god why does it sound like you're gonna eat the baby. It was wild. Oh, I don't like it. I'm doing fat things. I was eating yogurt the other day. It dripped on my phone and I licked my phone. I didn't want to waste it. Oh, no.

But yeah, I guess I'll end it at that. My name's Chavi, guys. Thanks for having me. Holy fucking shit. This is incredible. What an anomaly. I mean, you acknowledge that you're wearing a woman's hoodie. But you don't acknowledge that you're wearing a fucking dress. I know.

I'm keeping it real with the culture. So I'm repping. That's what I'm doing. What does that even mean? We've had many Filipinos on this show. They all wear pants. Yeah, I know. Those fucking quitters. Okay.

Yeah. How long have you been in America? I got here two months ago. And you're from the Philippines. Well, surprise, I'm Canadian. That's, I didn't want to throw that too early. But yeah, hey, this is what a Canadian Filipino looks like. This is all starting to make sense.

Wow. So how long have you been? been doing stand-up comedy? Coming up four years. Four years. What part of Canada are you doing this at? Toronto. Okay.

And do you always wear a dress? I'm kind of confused. Yeah, so it's called a Pereo, and they typically wear these on the islands. And with this weather, you guys got to try it. Do you wear underwear underneath that? I got boxers.

So you're basically wearing boxers and a dress. Yes. Freaky man. You know what I mean? This guy knows what's up. Nope. Okay, cool. All right.

This guy got scared. He's like, I don't want to catch gay. Yeah. Oh, wow. So, how often do you wear the women's clothes? Well, men wear this as well. Sure, they don't. But no, especially if it's hot, I'm always wearing it.

So since I've been here in Texas, I've been wearing it. Okay. And a hoodie. This was specific, it was cooler back in April. So it was like, oh, I'm going to get called. And it didn't happen until now. but I was like, I got to commit to the bit. How often do you sign up for the show?

I've signed up every week. Every week since April? Since I've been here, yeah. Okay. You got here in April. Yes, sir. Do you live here now? I do.

Okay. What do you do for work? Just this, really. You do stand-up comedy for work? Yes, sir. You're going to starve. How do you make money doing stand-up? So I'm an actor as well,

and so I'm just riding off the work that I've been doing on that. So, since I'm not working. Where can we find your acting work? You can find me on Netflix. You could find me on Amazon. What on Netflix? Netflix, there's a show called The 100. I've been on that.

There was an Emmy-nominated show called Made. I've been on that. I had longer hair back then, too. So if you watched that, you might see me in that. Okay, so you make money acting. Yes, sir. All right. When's the last time you got an acting gig?

I'd say two years ago. Okay. So, and you were getting those when you were in Toronto? So I'm also saying, so I've been getting work in America as well. That is, yeah, that show. Season 7 This guy's Googling my IMD now Look at this gay guy searching up another gay

Oh shit That look That look The look of Making it out of here Amazing How will he ever describe Do his boys outside

How to find the guy It's a motherfucker in a dress Looking ass bitch I just got to get rid of his glasses and then you won't be able to see. Amazing. So Zabi, tell us more about your life. Other than your old acting gigs, what do you do for fun?

You seem like an odd bird. I am an odd bird. For fun, I watch a lot of movies, so that's like my... Come on, you could do better than that. Other than watching. I used to do moitai. I'm a former champ, so I do boxing instructing every now and then as well. Okay.

Let's see some shadow boxing. Show us some of that moitai. Okay, wow. Wow. Looks like a dude in a dress would beat the shit out of me. That's another reason why I'm comfortable wearing this because guys have been like, yo, that's gay. I was like, oh, fuck you up.

You think you go whoopo? No, I can't move him. No. He'll take me down to the ground and it'll be a good time for me. I think he could take you. Freaky man. Freaky man. I just felt that.

Someone doesn't do it. Wow. Zavi, what's your love life like? So I have a girl back home. Surprise. In Toronto? Yeah. Right now she's wondering where all of her clothes are. Does she dress like a man?

Are you guys one of those wacky Canadian couples? She's very tomboyed. So, yeah. She's always on like Adidas tracks. Shocker. That's why I like it. Amazing. What does she do for work?

She's a head chef at a. the Japanese restaurant. Nice. Very cool. Thank you. And she cooks good food for you. Amazing food, yeah. Wow.

How do you contribute to the household, Zavi? Good sex. What are your tricks in the bedroom? Explain to us what a girl could expect. In a night with Zavi. First off, you come in, you unravel your dress, expose that you're just a guy in an underwear

and a hoodie with glitter all over it. It comes off easy. That's what. That's what that is. Then you have to spray a fire hose at their dry vaginas. That's what the head game's for, guys. You got to use the tongue. That's how you lube it up.

Did he just yuck at eating vagina? No, I'm yuck at you. You eating vagina. You're imagining me eating vagina. Joe, what the hell? I'm sorry. You put it in my head. Any magical moves?

Do you have any big moves in the bedroom? I say I love you. That's all the time? It's, it's my thing. My kink is love. So, I know. Wow. This is getting weird.

Yeah, we're pulling teeth up here tonight. Zavi, what's the best gig you've ever had in all of comedy? The best gig I've had in all of comedy, this one. All right, perfect. This is, yeah, this is amazing and having you guys out here. Thanks. Well, congratulations. You got pulled out of the bucket.

There's a medium joke book for you. Zavi, ladies and gentlemen. Ooh. It's a scorching sports summer, and you can make all your picks on prize picks. And every game in soccer's biggest tournament is getting more important. Plus, with big tennis slams and major golf tournaments on the horizon, there's no better place for all your summer sports picks than prize picks. America's number one sports picks app.

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prize picks, America's number one sports pick app available in all 50 states, including California, Texas, Georgia, and Florida. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Again, download the app today and use code Tony to get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Prize picks, prize picks, America's number one sports pick app. On to the next one we go. Who knows one of these people may have prepared to set and might be answering questions in the interview part. Make some noise to your next bucket bowl. Nick Thomas, everybody.

Nick Thomas. Here we go. Oh, what's up? Ladies and gentlemen, fuck boys and e-girls. How are we doing? So, I very recently came out to my dad as gay. It was a big one. I know.

You guys kind of reacted the same way he did. No one was real excited about it. But it's fine because I'm not even gay. I was just trying to ruin his birthday. That was the whole goal. I just didn't like that he was having a good time, if I'm being honest. That's all it was.

You guys do with that? Just mess with your parents for no reason. One time I told him that white people have no culture just to see what he would bring up to defend. You know what he brought up? The Civil War. And I'm like, I'm so glad we're in public so people can see you defending the Confederacy

as like a cultural thing. You know, it's just what we did. I like dealing with old white guys. My boss is an old white man. Very old, very white, very southern, but very liberal white man. He just doesn't know how to approach these topics, though. He'll just walk in and he'll be like, you know what gets, bothers me about these fucking homos? And you're like, oh, my God, where's he going with this?

And he's like, some of their families just own them. That's horrible. They're trying to find love just like the rest of us. And you're like, that's sweet. I'm glad you think that. That first sentence needs some work, though. That was pretty brutal. He's like, you know what pisses me off about immigrants?

And you're like, what? And he's like, they're coming over here for a best. better life and some of the immigrants what what is it no that's fine oh okay okay so nick welcome how long you been doing stand-up uh collectively probably about eight years eight years eight years where at el paso austin taylor but mostly around texas but i'm trying to get around more where do you live austin right now about to leave though where you leaving for seattle why seattle uh i've been in Texas my whole life. I'm pretty fucking over this heat, man. Very

tired and sweaty all the time. What made you pick Seattle specifically out of all the northern areas? Mostly the weather, but also really just I've always every... You're picking Seattle for the weather. Yeah, dude. The rainiest, cloudiest city. Bro, have you ever been to El Paso? I've seen rain

like three times in my life. I'm very over it. I want to see some... Bro, Obama's someone kill himself over there with all that got down right. He needs what he said you need a stay in Texas man we're gonna need a I wish

boom how it that sounded funny I wish I could understand I could catch a contact high so I could be on his level it made sense to me I heard the kill you it'll make you want to kill yourself

part thank you yes I'll say he's gonna bomb a show and kill himself over there all that right I love it. Can we save that? Obama. Can we save that to the audio file? He's going to bomb a show and kill himself.

I think he means bomb on a show and kill himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there we go. Yep. Thanks, Joe. Thank you. Hell yeah. I love it.

You'll be back, dude. Seattle sucks. Terrible. Really does. What do you do for a living, Nick Thomas? I work at a brewery. I'm a bartender. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Off the glasses. I was going to guess that you design nuclear bombs, but it's a brewery. Brewery is a whole different thing. What's that like? Tell us about that. What are things people wouldn't know about working at a brewery? It's all the fun of a bar, but with irresponsible parents.

They're just like, oh, they have benches. We can bring our kids there, and they just get drunk and lose their kids. That's awesome. Yeah, I've seen that. The one I work at has a disc golf course. Oh, nice. And I don't know where the bodies are. buried, man. But they're out there.

Okay. That's here in Austin? Yeah. There's a brewery with a disc golf course? There's several. What's it called? Live Oak. Okay. Live Oak Bruin. Well, I definitely won't ever be there. Don't. Yeah, don't. You'll run into Burke Kreisher. Don't do it. Okay.

Fun. Nick, what's your love life like? It's going pretty good, actually. I'm getting divorced. How long were you married for? Four years. Together eight, total. Okay. Thanks, bud. So, why are you? getting divorced. Have you ever been married?

Sure, yes. You know then. No, you know, for real, we tried the Polly thing, and don't do that. Yeah, no, don't. Don't do it. Four years? Yes, correct. You hear the girls?

Ew. Yeah. I wish that was my outward response when she brought it up. I was, ew, like, no. So how soon into the marriage? Whoa, whoa, hold on. She brought it up. If I'm being honest, we've thought about it.

was supposed to be an open relationship or like, we're just going to have sex with other people. It'll be fun. And then she caught feelings for another guy. And nah. Black guy? No. Okay.

Well, it's not the worst possible nightmare then. She's Latina. She caught feelings for another Mexican dude. That's right. That's how it happens. That's what happens. Stay with your own, I guess. Was this in El Paso?

That was here. Wow. Of course it happened here. So how soon after you guys got married did this come on the table that you guys wanted an open relationship or was a pre-marriage? It was about two and a half years into the marriage. Okay. Yeah. And she brought it up.

You agreed. How many different girls do you think you hooked up with during that time? During that time, about five other women. Okay. And when you would just find them at the brewery or wherever. No. No, dating apps. There's dating apps specifically for like poly, open people.

And what did you learn out there while with your wife from, hooking up with these other girls? Were you enjoying it? Was it great? Was it disappointing? As long as someone doesn't catch feelings, it's fine. Right. But then you... This is going to get sad. Go ahead.

You feel compared to the other people, and it just doesn't matter, and they're like, no, no, it's fine. That's why I dated other... That's why we're dating different people for different things, and you're like, so I'm not enough? And it's basically that forever. So how did you find out? Was she very open and honest with you when she caught feelings for the Mexican? Yes. Really, it was my fault. Go ahead. It was your fault?

It was my fault. I should have just at that moment been like, hey, I'm not cool with this. I don't want to do this anymore. But just I... What did you say instead? Cool. Oh boy. Yeah, that's a big mistake. Don't be a people pleaser, guys. Don't do that. Right. Wait a minute, you think if you didn't do that, it would have worked out?

Oh, no, but that's definitely where it started. Right, but is it better that it just ends? Yes. Yeah. That's why I said my love. life's going great. Have you been dating since? A little bit, yeah. How's that been going? Actually pretty good.

Take us through what a date, a magical date with Nick Thomas looks like. Well, we pick a brewery. Now for real. Now for real, we pick a brewery. And then? We just go off for some drinks. I like chatting with people. I like getting to know people.

It is really weird on a lot of the apps they want to start off with like, I want Princess Treatment day one. And you're like, I don't know if you're worth that. Right. I want to get to know you. I want to talk. What's your big line when you're trying to close? After the drinks, you guys are giggling,

or you like want to come back in my place, listen to vinals, meet my wife? Say, you ever been? I'm like, you ever been Polly before? Yeah, this ain't going to work. Now, I don't really, I'm very bad at closing the deal. I'm not going to lie. I'll meet a girl out in public,

and I'll try to be like, hey, you want to come back to my place? And it never seems to work. Really? Let's get Heidi out here. Let's see how this goes exactly. I want to see what this looks like. Oh, shit. You want to see how bad of a closer you are.

The great Heidi. It's going to be so bad. It's a no pressure situation. There's Heidi. This is the typical kind of girl I'm sure you match with on your dating apps. Oh, totally. Totally. I'm sure it's just...

Hi. Hi, Heidi. How are you? I'm doing good. I really love your glasses. Thank you very much. Let's say the date's been going great. Heidi's giggling.

Heidi, give him a little flirtatious lines so that he could maybe think that he can close with you. Let's see what happens here. So is it going to be your place or mine? Ooh, easy setup. Which is closer. Whoa. I have no idea where you live. Let's keep it that way.

Your place. Don't put me in your basement, sir. That's all right. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I won't do that. Wow, you're still trying to blow it. It's right there for you. It's all very easy.

Let's go back to your place. Yeah, no, that sounds great. I don't know if I want you in my room It's all right I'll Get a motel Absolutely perfect I understand completely

Gotcha It was great meeting you I hope you like the brewery And It was great but there was all these kids running around They're fucking nightmares I hate it for real

I know I agree We should try to have kids one day No I'm good Still down to hook up, though, if you are. I'm just saying. All right. It seems magical. I think there's something here.

If I ever want Heidi to be murdered, I'm going to hook you guys up. This is magical. Heidi, thank you so much. The lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks, Heidi. Cheers. And Nick Thomas, you're out here. You're trying your best.

Here's a little joke book. Sign up again. Give us a better minute. Squeeze it all in. to a minute next time. There goes Nick Thomas, everybody. There he goes. There he goes.

He's on his way. You know, the word Pauley has been mentioned a few times during that set. And if you accidentally say the word Pauley five times on this show, you'll never believe who magically appears. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you one of the most famous, greatest,

unbelievably close friends. One of just the brothers of comedy. Make some noise for the one of the one. and only Polly Shore, ladies and gentlemen. You guys, thank you, thank you. I was at a restaurant recently. I asked for a fucking menu. You guys, remember menus?

And they say, we don't have a menu. We have a QR code. I said, I don't want a fucking QR code. I want a fucking menu with pictures on. I just smoke some weed. Like beef, me eat fucking beef. I don't want a fucking menu. I don't want a fucking cue.

I just jerked off on porn hub on the shit. All right. Anyways, moving right along. Okay. Speaking of Pornhub, do you guys watch Pornhub? Yes. How many people love Black.com? That's my favorite section.

Have you guys seen Black.com? No? Okay. I guess I'm not going to do that fucking joke either. The fuck. All right, black.com basically, I fuck this whole thing up, bro. Shit, no. Fuck, fucking turn it off, dude.

Can you undo this shit? You want me to bring you out again? Yeah, bring it out one more time. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat for you. You'll never believe who's coming out next. I present a man that was raised in comedy

clubs. His babysitters go by the names of Richard Pryor, Sam Kinnison, Robin Williams, one of the all-time greats, the son of Mincy Shore. This is the one and only Holly Shore, everybody. That's what in Hollywood

they call fucking take two. Take two. Anyways, I tried to join Scientology recently. You guys know Scientology? The sad part was is they wouldn't accept me. How sad is that shit? I think I'm the only celebrity in history that the Scientologists are like, we're good. Thank you. If you haven't been to the Scientology Center, it's in a place called Silver Lake. Silver Lake is like a hipster community. You guys know hipsters? There's juice bars. You go into juice bars, right? You go to fucking juice bars. The cool part about the juice bars, the guy working there can look at you and tell you what

juicy thinks you need based on the pigmentation of your skin. So I walked in last week. I I'm like, what do you think I should get, bro? He's like, oh, fuck. He goes, brother, you can use the face melter. I'm like, what's in it? He's like cayenne, olive oregano, lemon, ginger. It'll build up your immune system. You have AIDS, right?

My name's Polly, not Charlie Sheen, bro. What the fuck, bro? I just can't. I just kidding. I don't know. I was watching news, bro. I fucked up. Sorry, man.

It was great, Polly. We loved it. What was the black.com joke? Everybody wants to know. I can feel the crowd. wanting to know. You ask a lot of questions. Well, black.com is a particular site on

on Porthod, which just dedicated the black dudes having sex with white girls. I know that's very sensitive, but here in Texas, but we're in fucking Austin, and that fucking shit happens a lot here in this fucking little. Anyways, so what happens is basically the black guy pulls the stick. No, I don't want to do this. No, come on. We want to do it. We need this.

We need this, Paul. But, L'A! Let me see your teeth, bro. That's badass. Come on the fuck with me, dude. Joe. What pesto? No, so...

What's up, bro? Okay, so... Fuck, I'm going to stand over here. I'm getting a little scared. No, just kidding. So you see, right? You've seen... Have you seen it?

No? Yes, yes, yes. You've seen that? Fucking... Of course, Fred Band's seen it. We're... So basically, if you haven't seen it, the black guy pulls his penis out,

It's fucking wild. It's fucking wild. And I'm not, I don't masturbate to it. I'm just like, I'm in shock. It's fucking crazy. It's like fly. And the white girl always grabs it, and she puts in at the camera,

and she's like, oh, my God, it's as big as my arm. This poor girl's from Newport Beach, dude. Her poor father doesn't want to know fucking 18 black guys are fucking quadruple teaming her fucking little child. See, that's why I didn't want to do it. I know, I see. I get it. I get it now. Polly Shore, what's been going on, man? We miss you. We love you around here. Catch us up. Yes, yes. It's good to be here. Thank you guys for having me tonight.

Thank you so much. I like coming here because I get downstairs. There's my mom's bar dedicated to my beautiful mother, Missy Shore. Yeah, start of the comedy store. And she's watching over you guys and she loves what you guys are doing. So that's why like to come. I don't know if she liked your black.com joke, though. I got to tell you. It's not good. It's not happening.

He doesn't have an ending. I don't like it, Paulie. It's not happening. No, I like coming to Austin because Joe's here and the club's here, and I like everyone. It's like a family community. So I like coming back once in a while and checking it out. Hell yeah.

So it's cool, yeah. I like this. We love you, dude. Thank you. I like this new Silver Fox thing you got on. Oh, yes. This is new. That's the thing.

It's like I was thinking about maybe going to Walgreens. and getting some, what's it called? Hair dye. Oh, yeah, you were, you did you do that, right, Red Band? Yeah. Some of it? He does? Yeah. So, yeah, so I'd like to get the hair dye and maybe, you know, mix it. What do you guys think?

No, leave it? No, they like it like that. They like it like that. Okay, so I'll leave it like this. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. The what? Yeah, yeah.

That's cool. Any big projects you're working on or anything like that? Um, yes, we just did the, uh, the second short film for the Richard Simmons thing, trying to get that going. Yes. I'm trying to get it going. You know what I mean? Everyone's excited except for you people. But anyways. No, I just shot that. Uh, and then that's coming out soon. I have a documentary series that I've been working on for a long time and that's pretty exciting. What's the documentary about? It's, uh, I can't say. Okay. It's, it's been, it's been in the works for a long time. It's been going on for about 10 years. Okay. Yeah. And it's, uh, it's called Once, Once upon a time in Hollywood. Wow. And it's like a 10-part series. And the late-grade Bob Sagitt is in it. And also,

what's going on, bro? Are you cool? All right. And there's some great comedians in it and great, great, my sister's in it. My sister and my brother Scott's in it. So it's cool, yeah. All right.

Well, we'll keep our eyes peeled for it. Pauly Shore. We love you so much. How about a hand for the great Polly Shore, everybody? We're just going to keep it moving right along. We have one of our great regulars here, everybody. And boy, oh boy, has it been a very interesting few weeks for this young man? He was just, he just spent 23 days in a Japanese prison, everybody.

Very exciting stuff, and we're going to hear all about it right now, as I bring to you a man once known as the Dark Storm of Atlanta, now the Dark Storm of Austin and the Last Black Shogun. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the return of Dedrick Thuron. Flynn, everybody. Here we go. Hey, I do it. Kineechi wild bitches.

They can't hold me down. Guys, I don't mean to bring down the mood. I do want to do a toast while I was locked up. Somebody very near and dear reporting me passed away. So if you got a drink, I would ask you just hold it up. Here's to a very good friend of mine. Here's cheers to Spirit Airlines. I miss my dog, man.

I just, I thought I was in jail before, but nigga, coming back to no, nigga, $30 to go to Florida, nigga, now we gotta pay full price because y'all got rid of, nigga, I love Spirit, all right? And I know, I know a lot of y'all love customer service, but, nigga, I don't, I don't wanna talk,

I don't wanna meet everybody on the plane. I'm already hung over or high, like, I don't wanna say hi to everyone. You can't say hi to niggas, oh, Spirit, you walk out and they just like, go sit down, nigga, that's, Don't lock eyes with me, nigga, there's,

and then people would talk bad about spirit, they'd be like, they always fight in those spirit. Yeah, nigga, ain't no Wi-Fi. We gotta watch something. Like, this is a good fight, nigga, and I'm over to taking over the commentary like Joe Rogan. You know what I'm saying?

Like, a UFC event. Y'all, that's my minute I love y'all. Welcome back. Dedrick Flynn. Well, well, well, well. Normally, week after week after week, there's really, we just talk about the last place that you were on the road.

I got you right now. I wrote some of these jokes while I was in jail. Do y'all want to hear some of these killed Tony Jones? In Japan, ladies and gentlemen. It was a 24-hour lockdown, so I ain't had nothing to do but to be with my thoughts and shit. So I was just doing push-ups and write, Joe. Can I get a spotlight, please? Hey, Joe, what kind of bird don't fly?

Jail bird? Come on. I had to jail. In Japan, they don't use lotion. So it's been 17 days since I used lotion. I'm ashy as fuck, and it costs a thousand yen to get a bottle of lotion, and it takes seven days to get there. Nigger, I'm so white that if I was in jail in the U.S.,

they would just let me go. Not because I'm white, but because of who my father is. And I call him by his first name, Joe Rogan. I didn't know he was gonna be here. I was in jail. When I got arrested, I looked at the cop and I was like, you're making the biggest mistake of your lousy career. I was so white, the people on Reddit finally like my jokes.

Bidja ass, niggins. I was so white, they'd have to call me the snowstorm of Austin, Texas. I'm so white, Uncle Lager would just want to smell me. I'm so white, we're really doing it, Red Band. It's a Jeevart joke. I read 17 books in jail because that's all the books they had in English and one of them was the Bible

and I read the Bible front to back and it's just a whole book about God putting his favorite niggas in jail so I am a main character for Christ like I get some like some comments was like I would never go to jail and yeah because you're too weak

God knows you kill yourself but God, the devil was like, we're going to lock that nigger up in Japan, and God was like, Dedrick? Jail is tough, but for three summers, I drove with no AC and power steering was out in the south. This is what scientists call Hot Lanna, if y'all have ever been out there, or as the black locals call it,

oh, hell no! This one ain't got nothing to do with it. It just says granola tastes like outside or a number two pencil when you ain't studies to use. Also, nuts are just wood berries. That's all of it. You can have that one. That's going to be worth something one day.

Wood berries. No doubt about it. What's the food like in Japanese jail? It's like jail food, but like, the nigger, I'm so tired of terriaki anchovies. They would just be like a bowl of rice, like just unseasoned, and they just put. put shit on top of the rice.

Sometimes they'll put in one McDonald's chicken nugget. Oh, wow. And then that's when you really realize you was in jail. I would never just have one nugget. Like that, like, where's the rest of the nuggets? But sometimes they put like a cut hot dog, just one piece of it, or like a piece. Sometimes we got taco rice.

It was just ground beef. Like, whatever they called beef, it looked like nothing I seen before. Like nothing I seen before. And they would just have a couple pieces of lettuce and cheese and we mixed that. It was jail. I thought, no, don't get me wrong. I thought how y'all y'all thought this nigga in there eating sushi and haba-chi. Like, them niggins are just, like, when did they throw the shrimp in your mouth?

That's what I thought. I thought they was, but they don't do that there. They really put you in jail. Like, American jail is so much easier and nicer to Jeff. The J in jail stand for Japan. And were there other English-speaking people in the Japanese jail? Diggas, no. The only time I got to talk to English was talking to English for anybody is when I was sleep.

Like, if I had a dream, like, that's the only time I got to talk to diggas in English that wasn't like an interpreter for the police. So they just mad at me in English, and I don't want to have that conversation. So sometimes, like, even if I was having a nightmare, I try to stop the nigger trying to kill me. just so I could talk to him. And just, you did get a gun. He was chasing me one night.

And I was like, hey, bro, can we just talk for a minute before you? Because if you kill me, I'm going to wake up and I'm going back to jail. He's like, it ain't that bad. I was like, it's in Japan. He's like, oh, nigger, tell me y'all. And then we just talk about the band. That's amazing. I was going to say, thank you so much, Joe and Tony for helping me get a lawyer out there.

That was super sick of y'all and taking care of me. I cry reading that letter. That's real, yeah, guys, the bigots, the biggest, the racist assholes over here, took care of me when I was in Japan. So take that, Reddit again. I fucking hate Reddit, these pussy-ass, fat neck niggins. They look like pelicans on keyboard. Y'all niggins, skin dry, bro.

You got to get, you got to get lotion. You can't even, and that's why women's hair care products are better than men's hair. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm done doing that. No, it's perfect. You're nailing it. Dedrick, we're so happy that you're back and safe. I love y'all. Take y'all.

Dedrick Flynn back from a Japanese jail. Could have been there for years, but instead, 23 days. Ladies and gentlemen, we're back to the bucket we go. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Julia Mary, everybody. Julia Mary. Hello, yes, it is the Julia Mary that is Marty's next victim. I'm really happy to be here a little bit about me.

I grew up in a super strict Christian household. Then when I was 21, I took an Ancestry.com test and got diagnosed as Italian and Jewish, which was confusing. Another fun fact about me is I have something called Dwayne syndrome in my right eye. It's not quite a lazy eye, but it is noticeable if I don't control it. And I've been teased for it my whole life. People called me alienized, freak girl, moose pussy, you name it. But I realize if I make a joke, we can all laugh together.

So I'll show you what I'm talking about. So, like, this is the normal side. Thank you. If I don't position myself correctly instead of that, people will see this. Yeah, it's worse if you don't react. Guys are too into it. They're like, oh, my God, it's cute.

I like my girl's a little disabled. I will say, though, I have, like, no peripheral vision on the right, so I am the perfect girl to cheat on, because I can't see what you're doing on the side. I'm Julia Mary. Julia Mary, welcome, welcome. So, we have heard of you from Martin Malloy. He's made you famous before you were even ever on this show.

This is your first time on, right? Yeah, it is. You live in Cleveland? Yes, I do. Your whole life. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, very exciting.

How long have you been doing stand-up? About six years. Awesome. All of it there, right? And basically hilarities. Yeah, I work on something called The Funny Bus, which is like a B-Y-O-B history tour of Cleveland. So it's like if your history teacher was drunk.

So that's where I do a lot of my stand-up, which is a good time. Are you driving the bus? No, no. Not with an eye like that. No. It's a hard right turn we're taking. Tell us more about Dwayne syndrome. Is that from since you were a kid?

Yeah, so I think it's because my mom did, like, drugs probably. But, like, the muscles in one of my eyes, like, didn't fully develop. So I just like, like I said, it's not quite a lazy eye. It's like an unmotivated eye. I don't know. There's D. Madness. He has the laziest eyes you've ever heard of in your life. They've never worked.

A white girl up here with a lazy eye, D. Madness. Can you believe that? Look, he's just laughing. Lazy eye. That ain't shit. Six years. How do you make a living, Julia, Mary? Well, the funny bus.

And I sell World War II action figures. on eBay. Whoa, now I'm interested. What type of action figures are we talking about? Right. Good guys or bad guys or boat? Depends on who you're asking. All good guys. All good guys.

I got the job because my old track coach's husband collected all the toys, but then he, like, killed himself. And so now I have this job. Sorry, that was dark. Hold on a second. Your husband killed himself? No, not yet.

My old track coach's husband. Old track coach's husband and you inherited the World War II action figures. Yes, I did. Here we are. How did you end up inheriting all of them? She knew I needed a job and knew that I didn't have a car so I could work at home. And yeah, it's really, it's good. I've learned a lot of, a lot of history.

I learned who Dwayne Duke was. Who, that's not the right person? Who was that? I'm thinking of the guy that founded the KKK, but I think that's the wrong name, which is good, because why would I know? that. David Duke. They knew it. He was one of the action figures? Yeah. Wow. How did he end up being a World War II action figure? Well, they're not just all World War II, I guess. Hold up. When you say good guys, what do you mean? There's soldiers from all around the country at different eras of the time. There's a lot of German soldiers. A lot of, I don't, yeah, a lot of stuff,

but not like super. You sell a Nazi memorabilia? And I'm Jewish. I'm like Hitler's worst nightmare That's really Jewish Yeah That is Very Jewish to be making money Selling action figures Of the bad guys

This is really interesting That's crazy That the track coach's husband Had all of these Yeah and he had like some kind of sickness So he was like I'm going to buy all these So you can when I retire Or when I die

You can retire on them but I guess he just... You could retire on racist action figures. Surprisingly, she didn't want to sell them. Is there a website? It's on eBay. This isn't exactly what I came here to plug. But hey, it's called Collector's Corner on eBay.

Collectors Corner? And what would I look for? The Adolf action figure? I don't think I have any... Sure, yeah. Wow. I'm glad I came on Kill Tony to promote my World War II business. Well, we find out...

the most interesting things about everybody. And this is definitely something that we've never had on the show before. Is someone who inherited a bunch of bad guy action figures. It's kind of unheard of. There's a few collector's corners. Is there a specific one that is yours? It's got like a... Collector's Corner isn't exactly the most...

It's got like a book as a little icon. And this is the... I should have thought of this before, I guess. But no, it's called like Collectors Corner. Okay, so there's Collector's Corner. Okay, so this collector's corner, which is like a page on eBay. Yeah. Right.

So what's your Nazi stuff? You're going to have to search it. Actually, I don't have any of those listed, but if you get me a PO wax, I'll send you one. I'll autograph it. So how do people contact you if they want to buy Nazi shit? How do they know you have it? They can kind of figure out by the other stuff we have, and they're kind of like, hey, do you have any Nazi stuff? And I say, yeah.

And then I send it in the mail. And God smiles. So what stuff do you have that we could find? Just a reminder, this is a Cleveland comedian, not an Austin comedian where you think that the Internet says that we all sell Nazi memorabilia online. This seems to be it. I think Red Band found it. Do you have a vintage fireman steel helmet from the Russian, German War? No, I don't.

But this is. It's okay. You're the one that sells racist action figures. I mean, don't be shocked that we're interested. I'll send you guys a link. Hell yeah. You look like a water burger right now, by the way. Wow.

Redband only sees fast food bags. Thank you. I need it humbled a little bit. Jesus Christ, Red Band. It is actually an incredible analysis. You do look like someone shoved you in a water burger bag earlier. That is iconic here. You wouldn't, you wouldn't, it's like the...

This you? This stuff right here? Yeah. I found you. Oh, my goodness. There it is. Sometimes I try to like put my hand in it. So the guys are like, whoa, it's a hot girl selling this, maybe. Yeah, those are, uh, those are action figures, all right.

Have you ever gotten a crazy request from one of the buyers? Anything ever odd happening there? Um, no, just very, very specific request for like very specific soldiers that were Nazis, I guess. Crazy. I've asked for, people have asked me to send me all their, the Adolf Hitler's I have. But, you know, I just tell myself it's history, but then I remember I'm Jewish and I'm like, this is funny, so it's okay. It is. And I charge a lot, so it works out.

And you have a husband? I have a boyfriend. Okay. But his name's Kyle, so like, you know. What does that mean? He's got what's coming to him. No, I'm just kidding. But he does have a house, so I'm playing the long game for me and Marty.

Nice. which I do want to say when we got here, Marty informed me, he said, just so you know, I've moved on, I like someone else. He's like, I have to lose weight before I bag her, though. So don't let him trick you. Marty fucks. I believe it.

No, we think Marty fucks. We totally think Marty fucks. We're on to it. What does Kyle do for a living? He works at a chocolate factory. Wow. This is incredible. This is the most misfit

fucked up night I've ever been apart. Yeah. The chocolate factory, I mean these soldiers are incredible. Joe just keeps showing me Nazi soldiers. And they're like good action figures. They're like Ken dolls kind of. Solid. Yeah.

You can pretend. Does Marty know that your boyfriend works at a chocolate factory? And if so, is that who Marty's losing weight for? That's a really good question. I don't think Marty wants to know much about my boyfriend. He doesn't ask. Right. So this chocolate factory, what exactly is he doing?

They make, I'm literally like Charlie in the chocolate factory. Well, I think you're more like one of the umpalumpas, but it seems like he's Charlie in the chocolate factory. Do you get free chocolate? Yes, I do. Yeah, I can't love candy bars. I thought he was lying. I mean, yeah, so I sell World War II action figures and he works at a chocolate factory, you know. Cleveland stuff. Yeah, you really sent the autistic Avengers from Cleveland tonight with me and Marty. It is incredible. You could buy the Nazi shit right from your page.

170 bucks for a brand new, absolute. Yeah, 179.99, actually. Oh, my God. I mean, that is a black leather jacket that guy's wearing. You spend your ears writing jokes to the moment like this. The whole time, I kind of just been showing them my action figures. I mean, yeah, it is very interesting. So Dwayne syndrome, does that

Oh my God, okay, that's crazy. What the fuck, bro? He's got the Iron Cross or whatever that is. I mean, that is a straight up actual, that's just as Nazi as it gets. My God, that is incredible. This is crazy that you have these in your house. Yeah, I have a lot.

It's, yeah, I can't believe this is happening right now. Julia, what's another fun fact about your life before we get you out of here? something wild that you think is only happening. I had an exorcism done on me when I was 18. Oh, tell us about that. Let's go. We were at like a super, super culty Christian church

and all the elders got in a circle and put vegetable oil on my forehead because I gave my boyfriend a handjob in church. Oh my God. But I haven't given a handjob since, so I guess it worked. Wow. So you gave your boyfriend.

boyfriend a hand job in church. How did the other churchgoers find out about this? He told them. Yes, who got a hand job, but not an exorcism. Wow. And so they made you get an exorcism because they thought there was a demon inside of you that likes giving hand jobs. Yes. Yeah, I've been to therapy. I'm fine. How did the exorcism go? What'd they do? They just prayed over me a lot. And then, yeah, it wasn't really that exciting. I should have, like, projectile vomited or done something cool. But I was more just, like, traumatized. But, yeah, it was a good time. And they used oil?

Yes. Did you use oil during the hand job? Was it a dry hand job? No, it was honestly a dry one. Wow. And you finished them off to completion during church. I was, we were in the nursery at church. Whoa.

Whoa. There were kids there. They're working. This show is so fucked up. There were kids in the... Wow. Oh, my God. This is all starting to make sense now.

I'm just as confused as you guys are, okay? Wow. Well, you know what, Julia? Since you're out there giving hand jobs in church, you're the first person out of the bucket leaving here with a big joke, but congratulations. Julia Mary.

Oh, there she goes. I thought I sent you off. There she goes. Julia Mary, everybody. Am I supposed to leave? Yeah, that's it. You did good. Julia Mary, everybody.

buy some Nazi action figures from her eBay. They are incredible. I'm actually surprised eBay allows that. That's... Yeah. This is full-on Nazis. Look at this. There's one former Nazi

trying to sneak out of here right now. He's like, I'm going to get out of here before they find my action figure. Look at this fucking guy. Holy shit. He's got to cross on its neck and everything. Oh, my God. This is nuts.

All right. Well, as you've seen, anything can happen out of this bucket. We're going to go back to it again. Make some noise for Ivan Volkov, everybody. Ivan Volkov. A lot of Americans don't like MAGA. Because truth is deep inside. They cannot stand maggars.

And I get it. They can be loud, annoying. When there's a lot of them together, it kind of looks like they're up to no good. And you know, at least one of them has gone. And it is not all of them, but you know, it is all the time them. These magas act like the whole system is against them. Before election, one of them porch flaggers invite me to Trump rally.

And I was like, Magar, please. I don't even go to you people's side of town. I still remember when they betray Elon, they told that Magar to go back to Africa. And he was one of the good ones. Like normal person, I drop M-bomb when Tesla cut me off. But it is okay. Some of my best friends are maggars. Recently, I found out I'm one half myself.

You know how I know this? How? I'm curious. How do you know this? I don't like niger. You don't like what? Niger. It means black person. Oh, okay. I was hoping that wasn't what you were saying. And here we are.

I love them. You love them. Oh, okay. Got it. Very good. Okay. Ivan Volkov. This is a night of amazing bucket polls.

This is all very interesting. Ivan, how long have you been doing stand-up? This is second time in 10 years. Second time in 10 years. Yes. And you're from Russia? From Mexico. Oh, okay.

Perfect. This is Mexican exit. What the fuck is going on? Rogan, did you put mushrooms in my coffee before this? This is a real episode of this show. This fucking bucket's out of control tonight. That's a Mexican accent? Yes, sir.

You're not Russian at all. You never went there. This is just like a character you do? My father, he comes after a collapse of Soviet Union. He comes to Mexico, meet mother. And, you know, you have me. That's true. Yes.

Wow. So your dad's Russian and your mother's Mexican? They're both Mexican now. We don't talk about dad's citizenship. Okay. You have a girl? Is that what I'm seeing? You got something in those teeth? Yes.

Look at that. This is the Russian OT we have up here. Okay. Absolutely incredible. Look at that. This is very nice. This is very nice. He's a very successful rapper.

He's actually Mexican. Yes. Me too. Yeah, totally. Were you born in Mexico? No, I was born in New Mexico. San Antonio. San Antonio.

Very good. What do you do for work, Ivan Volkov? I do electrical work. You do what? Electrical. Electrical? Yes. Okay.

How many World War II action figures do you own? About three. About three? Yes. What do you do for fun? You have gangster energies. You have big pinky ring, big bracelet, the grill.

I'm trying to figure out. What do you got going on? Got a lot of different things I like to get into. You know, I like to play cards, you know, smoke cigar. You know, take care of garbage, you know, things like that. Take care of garbage. Like you take the garbage out. Yes.

Right. Wow. You have a girlfriend, wife. What do you got? I have a wife. She also comedian. last year she got really sick and did not do

like how you say cooking, cleaning for three days. Uh-oh. It was hilarious. It was very good. The what was very good? It was her joke. She did not make a dinner and wash clothes. Right. So she played prank on me. She played a prank on you. I'm like this, yes.

Okay. What happens when your wife doesn't cook or do laundry for three days? She gets right back on top of doing that. Do you have kids? No, no kids. How do you, why do you not have kids? So the winters are very hard in Mexico. I can't figure out what the fuck's going on here.

I can't, this makes no sense. Is that your real accent? Yes. You really sound like that all the time? I speak like this, yes. Mexican was my first language. He's crazy. This is true. He'll have the Spanish, I perfectly.

What did he say? He's got it. Oh, the band agrees. Ask him a question in Spanish. See if he answers. Oh, well, I got that one. The city is a city that's a general Terran.

Wow, he's good. Wow. This is incredible. I mean, if Trump met you he would deport you so fast it would be crazy for so many reasons I don't trust anything about him

Austin very interesting to me tell me about it in the street yes and I think you know they homeless problem big issue right there is simple solution I cannot wait to hear this

you start advertising company Homeless people, very easy to see. Right? You pretend you don't see them. That's how much you see them so much, right? So what you do is you see homeless man in wheelchair. You create advertisement for him.

He holds advertisement and get paid. I know why I skip Lake Day. Why don't you join Gold's Gym? Yes. They could be used as human billboards. Yes. Yes. You know, is your car dirtier than me?

Go to car wash. This is brilliant, actually. Profit, come in, you know. You say you're helping homeless, right? And then you give them back rehabilitation. American rehabilitation, not the, you know, Soviet style. No, no, no, no, no. What do you do for a living?

You have a brilliant, brilliant marketing mind. I do electrical, but... How do you really make your money? I've always dreamed, you know, Tony, of coming to America and making it big in advertisement with homeless people. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this before. Ivan Volkov. You were one of the wackiest Mexicans I've ever met in my entire life.

Was it crazy being raised in Mexico with such a thick Russian-American accent? I think I learned English from only movie available for me in Mexican Video Store. What was that? It was Seanaton Connolly Hunt for Red October. Oh, yes. Russian horror film. Very bad. He turned himself in.

No, no, no, no, no. It's very scary for me. Wow. My father don't like. What's another fun fact about Ivan Bolkoff that we'd be surprised to know about you? You have any silly, weird hobbies or any weird hobbies? or any weird quirks about you or anything, any weird habits.

I do pretty good Patrick Warburton impression. Patrick Warburton, the guy that played Julia Louis Dreyfus' boyfriend in Seinfeld? Is that the right guy? Right? That is the most random-ass impression. But let's hear it.

Let's hear your Patrick Warburton. Yeah, that's right. Oh my gosh. Wow. You are so fun. I like your style, Ivan Volkov. I got a big joke book for you. You got to come back. Sign up again sometime. The Russian, Mexican, American super hybrid. Ivan Volkov, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. The guy spoke Spanish. The band said he checks out as a Mexican. I don't understand it anymore. I don't even know what the fuck is going on tonight. This is what the show is. It's crazy. Anything can happen.

Make some noise to your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. It's Jake Baker. Jake Baker. I hate autistic people. I mean, I love autistic people, but they're assholes. Like, I have an autistic brother, and I love my autistic brother. But I went home a couple weeks ago. And for context, my brother is 6'5, 280 pounds.

Big dude. I go home to visit him, I walk through the door, I go, Hey, Zach, what's up? And he punches me in the face. I try to throw a punch back out of him, and he catches like fucking Neo. He's just like, whew-ch. And he pins it behind my back, sweeps my leg,

and slands me to the ground in about five seconds. I'm screaming, I'm crying. I'm like, where the fuck did you learn that? And he just responds with Ninja Turtles. And he leans into my ear, one, ear by ear. He's like, season three, episode two. minute 15 Splinter teaches a lesson

that was a title episode I hate autistic people oh there we go in there all in there yeah Jake Baker welcome Jake

how long have been doing stand up six years six years where at Lubbock and Austin okay is Lubbock were you were born and raised yes yes it was was. Okay. What do you do for work?

I am currently unemployed. I got laid off because of AI. Oh, wow. Yeah. How long ago did you get laid off? January 30th. Okay. How much money do you have? Right now, uh, $43. $43. And when is rent due? The first. So like a weekish.

So what is your plan exactly? I am getting tested for sperm tomorrow. Oh, nice. How much does that pay? They're giving a bonus for the screening process, $1,500. Hey, that's pretty good. That's if my sperm is good. Do you think it's good? Well, my grandfather had 14 kids.

My dad has four kids, so I think I have zero kids, but maybe. Yeah, you have a chance. Maybe. What is your rent? What is your monthly rent? $1,600. $1,600. So, wow, you're just about $60 short.

Yeah. And that is if the sperm is fully operational. Is this your first time selling your sperm? Yes, but I don't think I'm going to donate. Just do the check the sperm part, because that's where you get the bonus. You don't have to keep donating. Just get tested. If your sperm's good, they give you the bonus.

I don't really get it, but okay. I don't either. It's just what the website told me. I'm really banking on the $1,500. Yeah, there's extra money, though, if you do it, you know, the sperm part of it, right? You're not donating sperm, are you? There's no way you're... I used to.

I used to scoop it in a container. Yeah. Okay. Red band, everybody. Yeah. That's the great contributor. Red band. Okay. So, Jake, what do you do for fun and stuff?

Like, tell us about your actual life. I like the swim a lot, roller skate. I paint figurines. What kind of figurines are you paint, paint? Warhammer 40K, that's what I do. What's that? It's kind of a post-apocalyptic universe where AI took over

and then humanity killed all the AI so that humans took over the galaxy. It's a lot of a space racism. Oh, wow. That's the franchise. Space racism. Okay, where do you do this swimming at? Mainly my apartment, Barton Springs, whatever.

Your apartment. Oh, you have a pool in your apartment. Yeah, that I still have currently. I still have the apartment. Yep. Yep. Hopefully those sperm can swim as good as you can. Yes.

You won't have the apartment anymore. What's your love life like? I have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend? I do have a girlfriend. Where'd you meet her at? Bumble. Ooh.

What was the first date? We made out and we watched a horror movie in my apartment. What was the horror movie? Hunt for Red October. No, it was Evil Dead 2. Wow, that's an interesting movie to show a girl on a first date. Yeah, she said not to show horror movies, and I just forgot it. And we just made it out.

It was a great first date. It's been about three years. Amazing. Yeah. What does she do? She works for the student abroad office at a university. Do you live with her? No, we live one floor apart.

Wow. Yeah. She above you? She's below, man. Amazing. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Why do you guys live so close but not together? We both have parents who would murder us if we, like, moved in together before we get married, that type of thing. Ooh. Yeah, they believe in, I believe in Jesus, but they believe in more Jesus. Right. That's how it goes. Too Jesus. Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, more Jesus. Super Jesus. Yeah, super. Love it, Texas. That makes sense. What job did AI replace that you had? Well, technically, it was another area. in my department, but I guess legally they have to just get rid of a broad spectrum of people not to get sued or whatever.

But I was a project coordinator. I did like installation projects for like IT AV projects, like network racks, cabling, things like that. That was the coordinator for all that. And how did they let you know that you're getting fired? They put a random meeting calendar at 8 a.m. and then said, hey, it's not based on performance, but you're gone. You're fired. They told you at 8 a.m.? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it sucked. And they sent you off immediately?

Pretty much, and it sucks. They just got a new apartment, which was more rent. So that really sucked. I was really counting on the money part to keep going. I was pretty good at my job. Yeah. So what's your plan now? The sperm thing.

Yeah. I got an interview tomorrow to be like a VR robot technician, like we're like I control a robot. That's cool. Yeah, apparently it's for like to send the robot out to like do emergency stuff. Like if there's like houses on fire, whatever, they send the robot in.

Oh, wow. So I guess I'm going to control it for training purposes. Okay. Doing that. And I have like just a shit ton of interviews lined up. Hopefully I get one of those. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, Jake. Do you really hate autistic people? No, I love them. I've just been around them my whole life, like my brother and other special needs people. But they are profoundly, they're huge assholes, profoundly. All of them. They're very mean people.

They're never like aware of their own annoyances because they're all annoying, but they're always annoyed at each other. Like I remember like one kid, he had this thing where he would like constantly shout like tits and fuck. He would just shout it all the time. And another person. Red band.

Pretty much, yeah. And my brother hates this guy and they would constantly just walk away from each other. I'm like, yeah, but Zach, you constantly just flick your finger and flip people off all the time. That's what my brother does. He just does this all this all. with my foot his finger.

And he's always like, why are people always mad at me? Like, maybe you stop flipping them off and punching him in the face. I think that would help. Got it. I think that would help a lot. But my girlfriend's also black. I know you like that stuff.

Oh, really? Yeah, that is very interesting. That leads to a whole other line of questioning. Yeah. That really sets me up for success here. I do like that stuff, which is stuff that is different. than normal.

Yes. I was picturing a white girlfriend this entire time, a boring Christian white girlfriend. Black women kind of love me. It's kind of weird. That makes sense. Why do you think that is?

I think I have like this appearance that they could like beat me in a fight type of thing. Wow. So you showed a black girl, evil dead two? Not the best thing, I would say, but...

It worked. It worked. Have you been with other black women before? Yeah, all my life. Wow. So you prefer black women over white women? No, I like all women, but it's just black women just come up to me and they're like, hey, I like you.

And I'm like, oh, okay. Amazing. And I take their number or whatever. What have you noticed is a difference between black women and white women in the bedroom? Bedroom? Mm-hmm. Sorry to my mom who believes in bigger Jesus, but I think they're just nicer. I think white women of date are just mean.

They're very mean. Yeah. And they like gross stuff. Like what? Like, just like derogatory things. Like they want you to like mean to them. Right. I don't really like that.

No. You like being nice. I like nice. I like horrifying them with a horror movie and then we touch the boobs, that type of thing. Not exactly the answer I was looking for, but... That's the answer. That is the true answer. Yeah.

I will say I've been trying to get back on this show for four and a half years. You've been on this show a long time ago. Yeah. I've signed up every week since. for a four and a half. Wow. Yeah. Thank you.

That's incredible. I think I have the record sign up like 215 times, something like that, not getting on. That might be. That could easily be. That is another interesting fun fact. You're giving great interview facts

deep into this interview. I've had 10 concussions. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's a lot of black women you've been with. Yeah. How'd you get 10 concussions? Mainly being a dumb ass.

You'd think like sports and shit, but no, I remember once, like, the garage door is opening. And I was, I was, I just got dumped at the time. It was high school. And I got out of the car. I was running to the garage because I just got Grant That Photo 5. You were very excited. I wanted to kill some people, that type of thing.

Yeah. Anyways, the garage door opens, and I run at it, and I forget to duck my head, and it just pancakes me. And I wake up maybe an hour later. I'm like, I'm like, ah, I just got to play Grand The Fado. I didn't even think about my head. I just went and put Grant Fado for five hours. My mom came home, like, why is all this blood here?

Yeah. And I didn't have anything to tell her. Amazing. Yeah. Are you sure you've signed up every week for four and a half years? Yeah. Well, Jake, keep doing it. Here's a medium-sized joke book.

We'll get you back up here again. Maybe another four and a half years is signing up, and you'll be up here in no time. Thank you, Jake. The bucket has a mind of its own. This looks like an interesting name. Make some noise for Boone Blocker, everybody. Boone Blocker.

Here we go. It's a Boone Blocker, everybody. Hell yeah. Normally I have to follow some ugly male comedian to the stage, but I had to follow Heidi this time, so that was pretty cool. Should have fucked that up. Woo!

No, with this golf shirt from the waist up, I looked like I was driving the Tiger Woods. From the waist down, it looks like I was driving to Tiger Woods. Hell yeah, there we go. When people see me, they ask me a lot of stupid questions. One girl was like, are you sure you don't have sleep paralysis? I was like, you dirty bitch, I have paralysis paralysis.

No, I do like to use the dating app for people who can't walk well. It's called Stumble. Just me and Governor Abbott on there. No, I don't support Governor Abbott. I just voted for him five or six times. I know. I hooked up with the real girl, and she put her finger in my ass. I didn't even know until she told me later.

That ass. Get got there. Fuck yeah, boom blocker. Welcome to the show. This is your first time on, correct? First time. Long time sign her upper. First time being here, Tony.

Thanks for having. How long have you been signing up for? Like over four years, like over 50 times. I saw. First one I saw live was with Mr. Rogan here and Jetty Johnson over at the Vulcan. So I've been signing up a lot since then. Welcome, welcome. How long you've been doing stand-up?

Well, not the stand-up part, but I've been doing comedy a little over three years now, Tony. Three years. So all of it here in Austin. Yeah, for sure. It's a lot of fun. What happened to you? What are I in the chair? A car accident.

Okay. Yeah. How long ago was that? No, it was actually a game of musical chairs, and I won forever. No. How long ago was the car accident? When I was 24. 24.

Was that your fault? Yeah, it was my fault. What happened? I fell asleep when I was driving home. Had you been drinking or anything? Yeah, but thankfully my blood alcohol level is below the legal limit, you know, so I didn't have hamstrung up by the police, you know? Yeah, I love it.

So, Boone. So you got into the accident at 24. How old are you now? 48. 48? Yeah. Okay. And what do you like, what do you do?

What do your days consist of? Well, um... Red band. Red band. Come on, Red band. Here's the thing. Normally when you hear that sound, it's getting another one of my kind in one of those vehicles, but, uh, not me, red band, not me.

All right, another swing and a miss. There we go. You're good, Boone. Stick with the question here. What do you do for fun? Oh, fun. I like to go to football games, Texas football games. Nice.

Yeah, I got, last time I went to a game, or last year I mean, I, this was like a real girl, you know, like a walker. And so like, I was getting, I said it, I used to be one of you, so I know it. No, I was getting set up with this girl, and it turns out that her husband was actually the one that cheated on her and broke up the marriage. He was also in a wheelchair. And I just started laughing hysterically and, you know, equality. So, God damn it, started so well. And, uh, no, no, I go to football games, watch my nephew a lot, a lot of comedy, sign up a lot, try to get up as much as I can.

That's fun. Yeah. Boone. You have a girlfriend? I do not. What are dates like with you? What can people expect? Uh, my favorite thing to...

Red band. Behave yourself. Sorry, Boone. Go right ahead. Red band. You keep mocking me like that. You'll be using one of the... those vehicles is soon, soon, soon, Red Band. I, uh, what's a date like me?

My favorite thing to do is I match with the girl on Bumble, and then I only send her pictures from the waist up. Oh, hell, yeah. And then show up in my chair to see how charming I can be before she throws me out of the establishment. No, that's a lot of fun. I don't really do that. Fuck, sorry.

But it is fun to think about. Boone, what's the worst set you've ever? ever had. What did that feel like? Holy shit. It felt like, it felt worse than when I got paralyzed. And I bombed so bad. Do you remember where it was? Absolutely. I can tell you what date it was. No, I was, is it the creek in the cave? And yeah, so the guy, they have a steep ramp. And so to get up the ramp, I have to like pop a wheelie to get started, you know? And the guy was like, I'm right behind you. He wasn't behind me. I didn't fall or anything, but then I'd get up. The host got my name wrong. I went off

on that tangent. And then I totally forgot the walk-up song. I had the sound guy played Jesus Walks by Kanye West. Damn. But it was going so bad that I totally forgot the song and I went downhill from there, Tony. And downhill is not good for a guy like you.

Tony. Downhill is the best thing for me. It's the fucking uphill. That is true. It's uphill stuff that gets me. Boone, I like your style. I'm giving you big joke book, Boone. It's coming at you. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Here you go. I'm going to land it right on there. Bing bong. Oh, shit. I fucked up. Hit me in the legs. Didn't feel a thing. Perfect.

Perfect. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, everybody? Believe it or not, she's going to lift him down those stairs that's right behind there. Very strong. Let's get one more bucket pull up here, everybody. Your final bucket pull of the night

goes by the name One word name of poncho, everyone. It's poncho. What up, Austin? How are we doing tonight? Nice, nice. 28 years old, and it's the year of me getting known myself sexually. All right?

20 years old, a couple nights, prove it. 28 years old, I took a girl back home a couple nights ago, and, you know, we were going to my apartment. The first thing she did when we walked through, she pushed me against the wall. First off, didn't know I like that. Did not know. We started making out and it was fun and all that.

And she started rubbing up on my body. And then she got to my chest and like she accidentally cupped my tits. All right? I don't know if you had a stranger in your household cup your tits, but it's a fucking rush. I promise you that. And I'm drunk. I'm like, let's just see where the night goes. Fuck it. Let's see what you got.

And she looked in my eyes. She was just, you like that? You like that? I was like, get the fuck off me. What the fuck? And it sucks because I did enjoy it a lot. Thank you. I'm just going to end off on that.

That's my time, guys. Appreciate you. All right, poncho. How long have you been trying stand-up? Three years now. Three years. And that's it, huh? Just a chick.

Throwing you up against the wall, grabbing your tits? I mean, I just, yeah. You really are 28? Yeah, 28. And what do you do for work? Door-dasher. Ooh. Yeah.

Wow. Are you good at it? I got a 4.8 rating, so I'm pretty... 4.8's pretty solid. What do you think happened to that point two on your door dash? What do you think people would criticize about your door dashery? It's my time. Time. I'm a little late. You are? Smoked a couple splits before I drop with the order, so that's...

Okay. Yeah. You look like you'd smoke a lot more than that. Okay. What the fuck? I mean, you don't know what you look like? It's shocking to you? Do you say tortilla? Tortilla?

Oh, I thought you said I spoke tortillas. Like, that's fucking okay. No, I didn't say anything about a tortilla. Whatever you're hearing right now is wild. So, Pancho, where have you been doing stand-up the last three years? All of it here in Austin? Yeah, I'll hear Austin. Is this where you're from?

No, I'm actually from California, San Jose, California. How long ago did you move here? Moved here three years ago, February 28th. What made you want to move here three years ago? Took like five rounds of mushrooms. And the mushrooms told you to move to Austin. Yeah, they told me just leave everything you love behind and just go to Austin, just fulfill your dream, yes.

Wow. How has it worked out for you so far? It's pretty good. I like it. I mean, I'm getting up on spots here and there. You know, still trying to work my way up, but it's been fun. Yeah. Tell us about that process.

Tell the humans listening what open-miking in Austin, Texas is like. So you come, you know, you come to Austin, and you're like, damn, everything is going to fucking happen here. And they do open mics, like, holy shit. shit, I might be homeless, by the end of this. This is crazy. And then, you know, you just got to weave your way through all the crazy people. And then you finally find some people that are sane, funny. And then you kind of just, you know, go from there. What is your living situation? I got four roommates. How many bedrooms? Four bedrooms. Okay. So you have your own bedroom.

How many bathrooms? Four. Wow. This is a very luxurious apartment. Four bathroom, four bedroom apartment. It's in the ghetto. So that's probably why I have. Okay. Yeah. All right. What's your rent? What's your monthly rent? So it starts at $2,300, but we split it all the way through, so we're paying like $5.75.

Oh, that's fantastic. We have a guy that might be moving in there real soon. If his sperm doesn't work properly, you're going to be squeezing five into a four-bedroom apartment. Incredible. So door-dashing is your only source of income? You have any side hustle? Security on the side. Security?

Yeah. What type of security? You know, I do raves. Okay. You do look like a security guy at a rave. Hell yeah. Yeah. All right.

How about for fun? Tell us more about you, your personal life. Well, I'd say, you know, just talk to random strangers for fun. Uh-huh. And sometimes they really don't like it. They're like, just leave me alone. Fuck off. Yeah.

But then once in a while, you get a real heartfelt conversation. Like, damn, I'm kind of a piece of shit. What do you mean? Like, they just make you realize, like, damn, I'm not doing enough in the world. You give us an example I talked to this lady the other day She was like, I planned a fitness She was like yeah I come to the gym

And then I go straight to church To clean up the entire church Like literally just the made for the church I'm like damn I love even the nursery Does she clean the nursery at the church Because that's where the real messes are nowadays I don't know if you know about this

There's hand jobs, exorcisms With vegetable oil There's a lot going on Churches be crazy now Is Pancho your real name? My real name is Francisco, but my whole life just been poncho. Why does everybody call you poncho?

I don't know. You have no idea how you got the name? I just heard it from when I can remember it, and I was like, that's just my name. We'll go with it. What kind of car do you have, Poncho? Yeah, Chevy Cruz, 2011. Wow, 2011 Chevy Cruz. I don't know why I said that with so much confidence, but yeah,

I got a Chevy Cruz 2011. Why do you stick with door dashing and not UberXing just out of curiosity? Because my passenger C-built doesn't work. Yeah, a fat guy got an accident there And it just exploded I was like, okay, this is

Don't blame it on a fat guy, but... No, it is. I have to, bro, because I bought the car for him He, like, tried to act like it worked. I was like, all right, this is a working seatbelt, but he's just fat. He was the one that got in the accident. I was like, oh, you fucking scammer.

He got into an accident And he broke that seatbelt? Yeah. It's his car. Why would he be in the passenger side of the car? I was buying it from him. So he was like, yeah, we could test drive real quick and I, yeah.

That's why he was in the passenger. passenger side. I'm confused on this. Joe Rogan. Is that confusing? That's my fault. Is that confusing? Why would the guy who owns the car break the seatbelt if he was driving it and it was on the passenger side? Oh, I didn't ask him in that story, but I'm assuming

Everybody needs Marty's doctor. They want these motherfuckers. Get him on Trepa Zapatide, whatever the fuck it was. I think that's it. We have to have a pharmacist right up the other side of the curtain from now on. Pancho, give us one more crazy fun fact about your life?

Fun fact. All right. What do you think makes you different than everybody else? Do you have a weird childhood or anything crazy? Anything crazy? I mean, you know what, fuck it. It is what it is. I've had chlamydia eight times.

Wow. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, only deep into the interviews tonight, am I really getting anything? Everyone clams up for the first seven minutes, and then all of a sudden, Like anything else interesting? It's curable.

It's okay. It's curable, all right? Fuck you. So how the fuck do you get it eight times? Is it from the same girl, perhaps? Three times were from the same girl, for sure. Okay. But then the rest were just like, I'm just having fun.

No rubbers needed, you know? Where do you tend to meet these girls at? Oh, this is all San Jose, California right here. Ah. At raves? Are you working security? What's going on? No, this is some of a bitches.

I'm not going to lie. hood bitches, for sure. When you say hood bitches, you mean... Yes. Yes. You mean... Dorthas. Dorthas. Ah. The thick Latina ladies.

I like how you knew right away. I know what side you're talking about, bro. Mexican OT definitely knows. He's lived that life. Yeah. Eight times is wild. Eight times is a lot. Never had it once, and I'd do massage parlors.

Like, that's crazy. Well, I don't think you can get them from Asian hand jobs. Yeah, that's more syphilis. Right there. It's a wild one tonight. It's proof that the show is real, though. It makes it so that when there's an episode that's unbelievably entertaining the whole way through,

you're like, man, this shit's real, dude. I remember that one episode where there was 11 insane bucket pulls in a row. Pancho, eight times. So do you just keep antibiotics on you all the time now? I got a penicillin guy. I got him. Got him on lock. Wow.

Incredible. Well, good luck. We are giving you a medium joke book. There you go, my friend. Pancho, ladies and gentlemen. It has indeed been a crazy episode. There's only one way to end an episode like this, everybody. We have a regular here who is a fucking absolute machine. Ladies and gentlemen, he is the real deal. This is Pat O'Neill, ladies and gentlemen. June is Pride Month. And thank God, since queers are so low-key the rest of the year, I'm glad to finally be learning about him. Just last week, I met a non-binary black girl. Her pronouns were she.

Okay. That took a second. Got an amber alert earlier? Really not appropriate for something to vibrate that hard to let you know a kid's being fucked. Get out of me. That's all I see there looking for somebody. else.

And, you know, fun fact about those, because of, like, divorce and custody disputes, parents themselves are actually the perpetrators, and 90% of all criminal kidnapping cases. And the other 10% Puerto Ricans. So, fascinating stuff. I love numbers. Okay, thank you. Pat O'Neill has done it again. Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.

You would think other people would do that throughout this episode. But no, only Pat O'Neill did the joke after joke after joke thing. very interesting approach. We almost forgot what it was like. Jutes. Yeah. It's incredible. Some people did this eight years.

Some people did it four, three years I've written down here. And nobody did that. Nobody did one joke after the other just like that. No. I agree with Joe. They need more in medicine. Yeah. It's incredible.

That's a wild one. Mexican O.T. Hell yeah. American low tea. He is the man. He is the man. Pat O'Neill is the real deal. I had to say it before Joe did.

That was incredible. Incredible, Pat. What else is going on in life? Everything else good? Yeah, you know. I love it. I'm chilling, getting the shows together for, like, July and August. Hell yeah.

Yeah, easy week. You will be with us in August, August 7th and 8th. will be performing at Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. And you will be with us in November in Las Vegas, where we do the MGM Grand Dolby Live Theater. And of course, you'll be with us New Year's Eve here in Austin. Don't make any plans New Year's Eve. Fuck yeah.

You'll be doing the Moody Center. You'll be doing arenas with us here. So, I mean, you are just killing it, man. Let the record show for anybody who's watching this that does stand-up comedy. That's what to do. Don't ask the audience questions. Don't say... Who gives a fuck what they think?

Exactly. How are you guys doing? You having a good night, then I? Nobody cares. Just do fucking jokes. I mean, you are just a absolute perfect specimen every single week, time after time, after time. The only person, other than Dedrick,

that has to do this every single week. And meanwhile, you guys shine out of the pile of all of these different comedians. It's incredible what's going on with you, and we're happy to showcase at the great Pat O'Neil, ladies and gentlemen. Amazing. Amazing.

Wild episode tonight. Crazy stuff. Guys, how about one more time for Joe Rogan and that Mexican OT? So much fun. One more time for the best damn band in all the land. Red band.

I'll be in San Diego at the American Comedy Company with Pat O'Neill and Angie Strauss. July 9 through 11th. And yeah, like I said, Madison Square Garden, Las Vegas, and of course Austin, Texas here on New Year's Eve. guys, we love you. We did it.

God bless America. Wild episode. Thanks for joining us. We love you guys. Good night, everybody.