KILL TONY - KILL TONY #79

Episode Date: January 3, 2015

Erik Griffin, Jason Gillearn, Sara Weinshenk, Kimberly Congdon, Tony Hinchcliffe, Light Skinned Patriot / Jerron Horton, Brian Redban – Date: 11/10/2014 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Check out DeathSquad.tv for all the shit that you need to know about Death Squad and Kill Tony and all the shows we do here. We have video portions to all our shows. We have ways you can help us by donating or going to ShopSquad.tv, which is our official merchandise of Death Squad. That has T-shirts, hats, stickers, posters, and all the money that we get from that pays for everything we do here at Death Squad, including we just upgraded our cameras to 4K. So look for some future episodes and some better quality videos,

especially for Kill Tony in the very future. Also, check out our tour calendars. Go to DeathSsquad.tv click on tour dates and you'll see that we have a bunch of shows coming up not only do we have the Ice House every Friday in Pasadena

that's every Friday we do a show there but we also have Kill Tony every Monday at the world famous comedy store and that's where we kill kill tony it's a free show that's every monday at eight o'clock but we also have the new death squad secret show coming to the comedy store and that is january 14th and it's going to be a special naughty show edition with joe rogan ari shafir jim Jeffries, Morgan Murphy, Sam Tripoli, myself, Tori Black, Caden Cross, Joanna Angel, Remy LaCroix, and Bonnie Rotten.

I love Bonnie. She's awesome. So yeah, it's going to be a big night of comedy and porn. It's going to be great. And that's January 14th at the Comedy Store. 90 Show. Secret Show Death Squad. Also, January 24th, if you live in Vegas, Death Squad is coming to do a free show That's right, free, we barely ever do free shows on the road

Because that's just crazy But anyways, Saturday, January 24th, we're going to be at the South Point Hotel and Casino It's the Dirty at 1230 Death Squad edition And that's 1230 AM, Friday, January 23rd slash saturday january 24th you know because it's at 12 30 in the morning uh but anyways death squad vegas free and it's a first come first serve show so get there early to get your seats uh so check it out all right guys here's a brand new of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous

Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony Volume 2. Give it up for Tony! Let's go! Yippee-doo-dah-day

everybody! How do you do? It's Monday night. Exciting. Holy moly, we're back home again. Guys, we just did a Kill Tony in Toronto, everybody, Friday night at a sold-out movie theater. And now we're back home, happy to have 23 people slam-packed in this belly room. How are you guys doing Monday night?

Me and Brian were in Toronto. We flew in today ballet room. How you guys doing Monday night? Me and Brian were in Toronto. We flew in today. We had to bed about 3 and was at the airport. Had a little airport sleep. Did a Joe Rogan podcast. Came straight here. I have no sleep and just got stoned. So I could tell

this is going to be the most retarded I've ever been. I could barely make sentences right now. Well, then, how about you just don't make sentences? All right. Everybody, it's going to be an exciting time. Our chef, Elise Lane, our one and only sponsor, is sitting right there, ladies and gentlemen.

Put your hands together for her. Unfortunately, we couldn't take the whole cast to Toronto, but it was crazy being famous in Toronto. We're famous in Toronto, by the way. That's pretty cool. We're not famous here. That's fine. I can handle that.

It's only been seven and a half years. No big deal. But I go to Toronto. I mean, look, we took an Uber from the roaster on Jeremy to the hotel. Well, no, that's not for a clap. I don't need an applause on we took an Uber. Where do you think? All right.

And what's crazy is Dustin Diamond was on the roast that we did, and he was going back to the same hotel. So he goes, hey, you mind if we jump in your Uber with you? Or he goes, do you mind if I jump in the Uber with you? So Dustin Diamond ends up sitting in the front of the Uber, you mind if i jump in the uber with you so dustin diamond ends up sitting in the front of the uber and me and brian sit in the back and the driver's like holy shit brian redman you got you i've seen all your podcasts by the way by the way and he almost killed us uber is brand new in toronto if you guys don't know, Deadmau5 was, as a promotion tool, the first day Uber was in town

a couple weeks ago, Deadmau5 drove around people in his Lamborghini. Now everyone in Toronto thinks that's what Uber is. So we almost died. Anyways, I know this guy's listening, but you're a nice guy, but you almost killed us a million times in this Uber job. Yeah, that was crazy.

We did give him five stars, but then you wrote a note the next day. Well, the map, like you get a receipt, and the map... This guy wrote a letter to Uber the next day. The map looked like the outline of Pac-Man, if you were just to outline the whole Pac-Man maze. And I was like, honestly, I love this guy.

He was nice. It was his first day. He almost hit so many... He was way off course. We almost died at one point, but we did 15 shows in Toronto. One of them at the theater. It was un-fucking-believable.

Me and Brian were what we would call in the comedy world on-fucking-fire. Yeah. Clap for that. Not Uber. It was a blast. So thanks to No Susquehanna, our great friend Jason from Columbus, Ohio, played the Canadian Patriot. He was our first ever Canadian Patriot.

We tricked him. He's from Ohio. We just had him say A a bunch of times after he said something. And they all believed he was Canadian. So his questions were like, so you're Swedish. What's that like, eh? We called him the Canadian Patriot. And then at the end we told them

that he was from Ohio and we crushed their dreams. Because they never really had a Canadian Patriot after all. Alright, not a lot of people in this room know the Patriot backstory. And then we did a bunch of shows. We also went to a marijuana cup

with Puff Mama at the Comedy Underground. It was unbelievable. A marijuana cup. We went to the Cannabis Cup. A top secret 70 entrant Cannabis Cup between the hours of 3 and 4 one day when we had to go on the road for an hour and a half road trip

to a neighboring city for a gig called London, Canada, which is such a bad city that I'm not going to go to London, England based on the principle of how bad London, Canada was. I always wanted to go to London, England and now scratched it off because London, Canada is so bad. And so we went to the Cannabis Cup before the road trip. So what happens is an hour and a half long road trip turns into a six-minute road trip, everybody. That's what it felt like.

We got in the car high as a kite. We both thought we were having heart attacks. And then guess what? You're in the town that we're going to go to. What a boring hour and a half drive that would have been had Puff Mom not been so nice at the Cannabis Cup. And I was sweating. It was a car that was like the size of this right here.

We were all in this really small car. It was during a rainstorm and fucking heart attack. Put your hands together for your wait staff here tonight, everybody. Getting us all liquored up. Isn't she amazing? I'm so excited about tonight's episode. Looks like you're eating something delicious there. Yeah, it's really good.

It's like some kind of Caesar wrap or something. Well, let's not say too much because this is the beginning of the show. And every week, Elise Lane, our one and only sponsor, gourmet chef Elise Lane, recipe checker. Gourmet chef, Elise Lane, recipe checker. She has a bag full of goodies that our guests and us have enjoyed the hell out of tonight. And I used to say the delicious meals that she would make for us, I would say. But what do we know about me? Perfect enunciation.

Perfectionist. So I wouldn't mess up. But it's funny because the recipes are sometimes challenging and hard to say. Sometimes it's a French recipe. So we thought to ourselves, wouldn't it be fun if we had our runaround producer, the guy that does the backbone of Kill Tony, Josh Martin.

You hear that thunderous applause that you get, Josh? I just wanted you to soak that in for a second. I'm pretty sure I just heard somebody drop a pin in the main room. He reads the recipes, and it's always fun when, if he messes up or stops or pauses for one second, he gets tapped in the balls by Brian Redband. Yeah. But I don't know.

This doesn't really seem like the crowd Can handle something like that on a Monday night Would you guys be interested? Alright, fuck it, let's do it It's Josh reads the recipe or gets hit in the nuts Here we go Now I'm gonna hand it to you, but after I hand it to you That's when you have to read it You don't get to analyze it

Alright? I'm just gonna to fuck it up. I know it. It's got to be a light tap, Brian. Put the ninja star down. Look what I've created. I've created a zombie. Oh, I didn't sleep on the flight,

so we killed Josh. Oh, it's okay. All right, so don't hit him too hard. You guys ready? Monday night, are you ready? If he stumbles on a word, he gets hit in the nuts That's a live show on a Monday night That you fuckers didn't pay for

Are you ready for Josh Reads A Recipe? Here he goes No stuttering, Josh Tonight we have crispy chicken Caesar wrap Which is oven-baked chicken thigh Marinated in cumin and olive oil. That's it.

Oh, he doesn't get hit twice. Just keep reading now, John. Shaved romaine lettuce, creamy Caesar dressing, heirloom tomato, bouchetta with lemon crispy chicken skin and wrapped in flour tortilla. Alright. Only one tap,

even though I've never heard of the dish named bouchetta before. Steve Bouchetta. But luckily, Red Band didn't either, so you got through on that one with bouchetta. Bouchetta. That was great.

Elyse Lane cooks us amazing meals. She's at thegirlwithapan on Facebook and Instagram, and she's on Twitter at Elyse Lane. Put amazing meals. She's at the girl with the pan on Facebook and Instagram and she's on Twitter at Elyse Lane. Put your hands together for her everybody. Keep it going for Josh Martin everyone. Come on. He just took a shot in the balls for you guys. That's like secret service shit when you take a bullet for the president.

He gets hit in the nuts for this show. He's on Twitter at Josh Martin comic. A lot of people were asking about him in Toronto. They missed him. It took two guys to replace him. Yeah, that was hilarious. On Kill Tony Toronto.

Two guys running around with their... Like chickens with their heads cut off. Yeah. For some reason I've never said before, but I... I called them the Josh Martin brothers. Yeah, it was crazy. Guys, every week we have a brand new patriot that keeps us safe he's our head of security uh used to be a guy named the iron patriot that was a crazy guy in a four

thousand dollar suit uh and he did the first 30 or so episodes he stood right there and had a you know a mic underneath this crazy suit and a speaker box in his crotch. But then he said he got too big for the show. He said that he was irreplaceable. So we've replaced him every single week since then with a new person to show him exactly how replaceable he is. This week is a first time Patriot that I'm really excited about

because these are always the most fun ones when it's a young, fun comedy store like Rising Comedian and he asks to do it. That's when you know it's always a blast. I'm really excited because this is one of my favorite rising young talents here at the comedy store. Put your hands together for Jerron Horton. What we might

even call light-skinned patriot. Light-skinned patriot. What's up, Jerron? What's up, Tony? Y'all good? Fuck yeah, man. So tonight is the first night ever that the speaker box has completely died in the normal setup that we have.

So it looks like you have a... What is it? Are those walkie-talkies? It's new. It's a new thing. It's 2015. It's a simpler form of... I think you have to keep the button held down, Patriot. I don't know if you ever learned how walkie-talkies work.

It's not going to work? All right, well, let's just put the mic in front of his face. Guys, put your hands together for Josh Martin, taking yet another shot in the balls. You have to grab that out of his little side pouch thing. Oh, shit. This is a debacle. Patriot, how's it going?

Going great. No. That mic's probably not on yet. Talk again? Check. Check. Oh, shit. There he is, everybody.

You look sort of tiny in that. Like, you're one of the bigger guys. They stopped wearing the football part of the costume. Yeah, I'm not wearing the pads. Oh, that's what it is. You wanted to show off your true muscle form. Yeah, man. Keep it simple, man.

I can't tell. There's something funny about the look. Do you have a skinny neck or something? No. Is that what it is? I just don't have the shoulder pads on. Or the shoulders, I think. Like, you're missing a part that's not even the shoulder pads.

It's like he's missing those rings around his neck, like, you know, that you see in the National Geographic. It looks like you have a wrist for a neck. Like a wrist-neck patriot over here. I love your style, man. I appreciate it. You've been listening to the show. You've actually done...

You were one of the original people that would sign up for the show. Since then, you've been hired by the store and you crushed at a roast battle a couple weeks ago. An amazing job. Thank you. And now look at you now. Yeah, I'm the Iron Patriot. This is what can happen, guys, if you keep focused.

That's right. You could end up in $35 worth of Amazon Prime decorations. I love the tennis shoes. You could tell that you are definitely a black guy underneath by how clean your white tennis shoes are. That's why we couldn't afford to get the speakers fixed. I had to get these shoes. You know what I'm saying? Damn right. It's a shame there's not speakers coming out of them. Guys, this is episode 78 of Kill Tony.

As always, I bring two of my funniest friends, two amazing comedians that have been on TV and all that great stuff. They're always hilarious and this week's no different. My guests are both return guests. I'm so excited to have them on at the same exact time. This is going to be like an eclipse

of some of my favorite people. Put your hands together for the great Jason Gelerne and Eric Griffin, everybody. Jason Gelerne from underneath the table. He's doing upskirt video the whole time with his phone or something. Welcome, guys. Have a seat, Jason. It's all happening.

Eric, how you doing, buddies? Hey. Welcome. Back in the house. Cheers, T. Hey, thank you for having me, us, and Pussy. Fuck yeah. Jason loves Pussy.

He has Pussy Tourette's. He says it about every 45 seconds. It loves pussy. He says it. He has pussy Tourette's. He says it about every 45 seconds. Ninja star? Yeah. Okay. Hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello.

I'm excited to have you guys back. We didn't hear much what you were talking about. We were just talking about fucking soccer. Sports in general. Oh, yeah. You're into soccer, huh? Love soccer. I in general. Well, just sports. All sports. Oh, yeah. You're into soccer, huh? Love soccer.

I've seen you play the video game up here. Yeah, I love it. I love that game. Nobody cares. These guys don't care. Right, yeah. There's soccer fans. Soccer fans, by applause. Soccer fans, there you go.

See? It's growing, eh? Told you. That's funny. That guy clapped and went, ah, really? I'm a follower. So you guys have done this show before. I'm excited to have you back.

Patriot, do you have any questions for these guys? Yeah, for sure. I got a couple. Oh, God. First one's for Eric Griffin. Who do you think is the most famous person in the world? The most famous person?

Barack Obama or Beyonce. It's probably, you know. Be honest. It's probably 60 or 55, you know, 60, whatever. I can't do math. 55, 45. Thank you. I don't know.

I think Barack Obama's more famous. Oh, fuck. It's a no-brainer. Yeah. Just because he has the... Well, until Ellen's tweet, he had the most retweeted thing on the internet. Nice.

What kind of question is that? Is this political? I don't get it. No, just a random question. This is Jerron's planet. This is an inside reference. Well, that's a sweeping indictment of the world to say that. He started – I walked by the corner.

You know how everybody – this place is scattered with comedians always talking. Sometimes people will be debating something. You know what I mean, Eric. I mean this place is – Sometimes people be debating. This is a hotbed for comedians with crazy opinions going for it.

People be debating. He only be half debating. Can you hashtag that? Hashtag people be debating. Alright, there we go. Big time. Here. And I say it that way because... And that was the debate about who's more famous? And I walked around the corner one time and I hear all the guys.

And what I like to do is I like to pop into a group like this, you know what I mean, when it's all happening and they're all getting fiery and just drop knowledge as hard as I can for five seconds and then be out. It's a guaranteed laugh. You could pretty much say anything. But that being debated was the most stupid debate I've ever seen here. The fact that this guy in his heart of hearts was passionately saying, Beyonce is more famous than Barack Obama. But check this out.

If you want to go all-time, though, if you want to go all-time famous, it won't be anyone political. It'll be like Michael Jackson or Elvis or something like that. Oh, yeah, I agree. Maybe Abraham Lincoln is in there. The Beatles or something. The Beatles, you know. Not even the Beatles.

John Lennon probably over the Beatles. That's actually an interesting question. Who's the most famous person of all time? Jesus. Probably Jesus. Yeah, definitely Jesus. But we want someone real, you know what I mean? So Santa Claus would be more famous.

I guess Michael Jackson. I'm just saying, who's more famous? Jesus, Santa Claus, be more famous. I guess Michael Jackson. I'm just saying, who's more famous? Jesus, Santa Claus, or Michael Jackson? Hitler, right? Well, infamous. Yeah, Hitler's pretty famous too, right? Hitler's probably right up there with Jesus. As far as famous, that's taught

everywhere. If they were comics, could Hitler bump everywhere. Yeah. Like if they were comics, could Hitler bump Jesus? Yeah. Would they come to Jesus? Hitler wants to do quick 10. He's going to go up before you. I don't know.

They would fight. They would be like Lady Gaga and Madonna. Those two would be always fighting who's more famous. They'd make out at one point for publicity. Jesus and Hitler go tongue deep. Oh, no. That's the line? That's the line?

I just hit the line with that? No, because I'm thinking this is going to keep going. It's going to be like an 80s sitcom. They're going to be roommates. Jesus and Hitler. Don Knotts is going to be the landlord still. What's your question for Jason Galern, Patriot?

Yeah, question for Jason. Speaking of 80s sitcom, I was going to ask you, have you seen the new Too Many Cooks video? Is that like rap or some shit? No, it's not. I don't know. People be rapping. I've never heard of that.

What is that? I'm old and out to lunch, so you got to tell me what the fuck that is. It's like an 11-minute spoof on like 80s sitcom intros, but it just keeps going on and it gets kind of weird.

It's like watching a nightmare happen. It came on Adult Swim. Oh, no, I haven't seen it. It's funny. It is hilarious. And during the audience load-in at the theater on Friday night in Toronto, we played audio of the entire, I think it's like an 11-minute long song that is the catchiest song ever.

I swear to God, it's written by the devil himself. We just ruined your brain. Try to forget it as fast as you can. Alright. Anyway, so that happened and we've been promoting the shit out of them while they keep getting bigger and bigger. Too Many Cooks.

So watch that video. That was on Adult Swim. Google it. Too Many Cooks. You'll laugh for 11 minutes. We can just watch it. I lived through all that shit in the 80s. I remember all those fucking shows. Family ties. Well, you do too.

Yeah, I'm old too. What's your favorite? The 80s sitcoms were great. Can I tell you my favorite one? Go. Golden Girls. Oh, God. I swear to God.

Wait, wait, wait. I swear to God. I think that's the funniest show ever. Golden Girls is one of the best shows ever. High five on that. People think I'm crazy when they say that. It was well acted. It was well written. Extremely well written. Yeah, but we're such an ageist society that we think that

you have to be young to do anything. The Comedy Central or someplace like that, they think that, well, if they're not 25 with horn-rimmed glasses and whatever, then they can't fucking... If a channel like Comedy Central replayed, if they bought Golden Girls, that type of thing, and just put it on, they would be shocked at what would happen.

Hilarious. But that's why the show's still on the air. Oh, yeah. You know, if the show's still on the air now, it's funny. This is the one thing I don't like about, I'm going to have to say something like, this is why I don't like

Mulaney's show, you know, because he's saying that he's like Seinfeld. Hey, buddy, we could turn to TBS and watch Seinfeld. Yeah, right.

I don't need to see the shitty version of Seinfeld. I just fucking turned the channel. So it was like Seinfeld, the 10-year pilot for his show? You know what I mean? So I was just like,

that's why, you know, I like watching those. TV Land is great. What a great idea. What about Fantasy Island? I just played my... No, it doesn't stand up. It doesn't hold up.

Three's Company. I was a big Three's Company all in the family. That's my favorite. Three's Company. Three's Company is the finest. Yeah, I'm the Larry of workaholics. That's right. Three's company all in the family. Three's company is the finest. Yeah, I'm the Larry of workaholics. That's right.

Three's company is the best. Well, let's do it, guys. Let's get into Kill Tony. You guys have done this show before, so let's do it again. Ready? I want to talk more. Sorry. Oh, we will.

You guys know how it works. Comedians get 60 seconds of stage time. Comedians, you know you're 60 seconds up when you hear the sound of a kitty. And then we judge you. There's the sound of the kitty. Comedians, you know you're 60 seconds up when you hear the sound of a kitty. And then we judge you. There's the sound of the kitty. Don't go over your timer or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. All right. I thought you meant Jerome was going to come out.

What? Nobody remembers Jerome? Jerome? Yeah, he used to do comedy here all the time. Oh. I get it. That one was just for me, I guess. That was totally inside.

It was like a UCB show. Over 30-some comedians signed up for the chance to do a minute tonight and then talk to us afterwards about whatever we want to talk about. Ready? Yeah. Your first comedian tonight goes by the name of, ooh, we know him. He's been on a hot streak lately. One of our newest favorites on the show.

He started signing up like four or five weeks ago. We've been having fun with him ever since. He's very, very good at somehow getting picked out of this bucket. Put your hands together for Tam Pham, everybody. Too many crooks. Ow, ow. Too many crooks. Too many crooks.

So I get jealous of a lot of comedians because there are certain jokes and women that I can't do because of my ethnicity. So I'm going to try doing some role playing. Now, I know this is weird, but I'm going to count to three and I'm going to stop being Asian. Okay. One, two, four. Okay, you can tell I'm not Asian now because now I'm bad at math. Yeah, I hated that too. So I'm just going to go ahead and I'm going to do...

Sorry. Sorry, just ignore that. I'm just going to go ahead and I'm going to do my set as this non-Asian ethnicity. And we'll just see how this... Oh, man, my knees. Sorry. They are not used to supporting the weight of an average-sized penis.

Light-skinned patriot, how do you guys jump so high? There you go. Obviously, a something else noise Tam Fam Fuck yeah Done it again

You always wear the Tam Fam comedy shirt Every time It started off It was warm when you started wearing it You were just wearing that And then a couple weeks ago It started getting colder You put on a long sleeve t-shirt

and you come in tonight hoodie, gloves, hat still the Tam Fam comedy shirt I already know it's the one Tam Fam comedy shirt you have because I've had to ask you that every single time you've been on did you break into here? that's what you look like

cat burglar they still let me on for some reason. Fuck yeah. Well, you're Asian. That's for sure. And it's fun that you're talking about it. Okay. You step

in here. I will say I really thought something was wrong with your knees. So... Then when you did that, I was like, oh, that's great. That means you're a way better actor than you are a comic. Right now. And that's okay.

That's a good skill to... I saw what you're trying to do. You keep doing it more and more and more, then you'll be so much more comfortable weaving in and out of, like, the reality that you're creating. So you're a little nervous right now and all that. But you just got to keep doing it because then the way you did that,

I was like, oh, is something wrong with him? You know what I mean? So that's great that, you know, you have that. So now you have to just learn how to execute it better, and then it's going to be great. So keep it up, buddy. Or just not do it. I mean.

I mean. Yeah. Or just not do it. I mean... I mean... Or that, but... I mean, it's not even a rip. Just go in. That bit, you can just do it as a fucking joke. You don't have to... I mean, I'm not a big physical, you know, unless it's done... Well, there's no right or wrong way.

I mean, some people are physical, some people aren't, you know. But that's why I'm saying I don't know if he was physical, because I thought, oh shit, do we need to get something for him? Yeah, I was genuinely concerned. Yeah, yeah. Great acting, that is my point. You definitely sold the knee injury very well.

He sold the shit out of that. But again, I think I see what you're saying there. When I first started, I was doing some physical things. I think a lot of comics do that. And it's really not who I was. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But I did it because that's how I first thought of the joke. But at the same time, if you're not into that part of it, it's just as easy as literally saying, I don't think my knees could handle the internet. Yeah, just take the meat out of that joke and just say it like you're a normal person. Yeah, but see,

I'm not going to tell someone how to do comedy, you know? Right. So what I'm telling you, no, because it's like that's the way they would do it, but I'm not telling you how to do it.

Not necessarily, though. The dude's... No, but what I'm saying is he could be doing like a... This is like some sort of like art piece, too. Some people want to do comedy like that, you know,

where they just want to be weird. And I would be like, oh, well, that's great. If you can capture that in one of those weird sets, that would be great. Yeah, but if you don't need it and it doesn't add anything. But that is what it is. For those people that bring chalkboards up and do all kinds of crazy shit.

Well, what about his shirt? Well, I mean, this is his thing. That's what I'm saying. So you're telling him to cut the meat out and he's dressed... I'm just saying that was a funny bit. I mean, this is his thing. That's what I'm saying. So you're telling him to cut the meat out and he's dressed, you know. I'm just saying it was a funny bit. I mean, it's a bit, you know, you're talking about Asians and math and shit. I would steer clear of that. But it was a funny, like you're a good joke writer.

I don't think you need to, you know, jump around or whatever the fuck. Bend over? Yeah, he's working it out, though. You'll find a middle ground. I think you're funny. I think you're a good joke writer. I think all you need is jokes for sure. Yeah.

When are the Tam Fam sweatpants going to come out? When somebody pays me to do this. So 2020, 2021. Yeah. It's going to be a minute, buddy. Keep it up, though. You're Vietnamese, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Patriot, have you ever been around a Vietnamese guy before? Not really. I don't really look. No, no. The better question is you probably have, but you just don't know, right? Yeah, that too. I'm not racist, but I'm not too fond of Asians. What the fuck was that?

Is that from your MySpace? Or what the fuck? That was awesome, is what that was. I'm not racist, but I'm not too fond of Asians. Wow. That goes on the all-time great quotes board immediately.

Where that board exists, I have no idea. But fuck yeah, that was great. You don't even like Asian girls? That came from the heart. I like Asian girls. So you're just racist against Asian guys? Mostly. Yeah, mostly.

Not racist. I just don't like... Them. You don't like them, is what you're saying. I used to work before I was a patriot. I used to work at a casino in Vegas doing security. And we dealt with them all the time. And it just keeps getting better.

Dealt with them. I know, that's almost you people. They're cool. Right. They're cool. That's what... That's payback. That's amazing.

So you had to, you know, kick out some Asian guys. Not really. Not kick them out. Just that it's their culture mostly. Oh, gee. Okay. This is... We just lost our one Japanese follower.

Tam Fam, how do you feel about the way he's talking about Asians? What do you think your dad would say about that if he was in the room? He'd probably not be happy about it. What do you think he would say? I don't do impressions of my dad. Despite the math. Again, you don't have to do the impression. You can just say what he would say.

I don't think he speaks Vietnamese. You don't have to. It's as if he can't do it unless he can do the impression. Right. He can't quote Martin Luther King or anybody because he would have to be like, I have a dream today. All right.

All right, well, hey, thanks. Let's give it up for him, right? Can we get to the next guy? Wait, Jesus, what the fuck? Can we? Spent a lot of time on the first guy, so. Thank you, Tan Fam, or whatever your name is. I thought you were a fan.

It's only you, Bobby Lee, and Pauly Shore that have done that so far. So let's move it along, shall we? All right. He was good, but there's other people that are... Listen, that note you just hit, by the way. First of all, if I was one of these people in here, I know that every single person here is like, let's move it the fuck along.

I want to get up here, too. They didn't all sign up. Cam Fam's a fucking – somebody like that's a critical part of a show like this. Fucking – look at him. He's wearing his own shirt, for Christ's sake. This is what this show's all about, man. Well, if it was – Your next comedian goes by the name of Jeremy Lopez. I've been paying the name and ain't changing a thing except won't accept all the rules in it.

I'm a fool, man, fool, no mule in it. Hella cool shark tools on full. What's up? What's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up? How you doing? How you doing, man? All right. I was reading a newspaper the other day that Bill Cosby's raping people.

Let me tell you something. If Bill Cosby wants to rape you, let him fucking rape you, man. He's one of the best storytellers of all time. The best. And you can be like, the best, man. You can be like, Richard Pryor

was better, and you can be like, yeah, Richard Pryor was good too, motherfucker, but guess what? Richard Pryor wanted to be Bill Cosby. Fucked it up. Fucked up. He did. He did. He wanted to be Bill Cosby when he first started, guys.

That was my joke. I was thinking the other day, I would suck Justin Bieber's dick, you know? I would, man. That's something you would remember for the rest of your life, man. You'd be 80 fucking years old, and you'd be like, fuck, man. You'd tell some kid in the park and shit.

Like, fuck, man. Hey, come over here, little kid. Let me tell you a story. The time of the year. Fuck, yeah. Jeremy, I love your style. You just crush, man. Fuck yeah.

What the fuck was that? I like the Bill Cosby thing a lot. You seem passionate about it. I have a friend, Willie Hunter, who won't even acknowledge that Michaelson ever had anything strange about him whatsoever he's such a big michael jackson fan he's like i don't even oh that's not even we don't even talk about that like he just gets you know he's shut but but

michael jackson comes on the radio he's the fucking first one like doing whatever the hell michael jackson does you can't even say you can't even say pedophile. He just walks away if you mention pedophilia with Michael Jackson. Which is hilarious by the way. If you respect somebody's art so much who the fuck gives a shit what they did? Jerry Sandusky wasn't that good of a football coach.

But if Jerry Sandusky would have been all time undefeated you know what? People would have been like, let him fucking coach, dude. Jerk off whatever the fuck you want. But the guy wasn't that good of a defensive coordinator. That's why they were trying to get Hitler's music out there. His artwork's pretty nice.

But I love your approach, man. Fuck it. Thank you. Bill Cosby. By the way, I just want to talk about this cosby thing for a second with everybody and that's that i haven't looked into it at all and every time it gets brought up to me like it literally just goes in one ear and out the other because i'm on sort of on that page of like look look man, guy has 30 more comedy albums than anybody. Just let him

fucking do whatever he wants. Stay out of his way if you're afraid of being raped. You don't want to get raped? Get the fuck out of Bill Cosby's way. He's earned a walkway. And if you're in the walkway, fuck it. I'm not saying anybody

in this room can rape people. I'm saying Bill Cosby can rape people. Okay, I lost everybody on that one. Who the fuck's Bill? By the way, you can't let Bill Cosby rape you. He's like 75 and has only eaten Jell-O his whole life. Just fucking put up a fight. I'm going to drug you with the pudding pop.

Well, what's's the is that true is that from the comic yeah there's 13 different people that are saying that they were drugged and raped by Bill Cosby from 1970 to 2004 I want the Eric Griffin report on this

um I don't know if he I want the Eric Griffin report on this. I don't know if he... Can we talk about him? Yeah. Go ahead. Well, the bit... The bit... I mean, if you're going to do topical jokes,

you want to do... I don't want to say funny topical jokes, but what was the bit? I don't even understand the bit. You just wanted to be raped by Bill Cosby because why again? No, I said let you get raped by Bill Cosby because he's one of the greatest storytellers of all time. Yeah, explain. I'm a fucking simpleton.

Well, that's his joke. Well, don't tell me. I don't understand the joke. Because he's the greatest storyteller of all time, he should be able to do whatever he wants. In this case Rape you And then tell a story about it Am I missing something? Either way

He's saying that he's accomplished so much That you should just take the butt raping Would you actually do that? Would you actually get raped by Bill Cosby? Or just a finger? I mean, we know you really would suck Justin Bieber's dick, that's for sure. But the question is, would you let Cosby go

fucking balls deep? My real question is, and I'm not, this is not a, don't take this the wrong way, it's not a put down or anything, but I'm just asking you, why do you personally think saying that is funny? Like, where do you think the laughs are going to come from?

When you're saying it, like, what is the laugh? Is it the shock of it? No. Then what do you think is funny about it to you? Truth of it? It's truth? What's the truth? Is it truth?

You didn't answer quickly when we asked you if you'd let Cosby buttfuck you. No, no, but I'm saying what's the truth to you? I don't know. Is this like therapy? What do you mean? Why are you tired? Well, my point is this. If you can't answer why you think this joke is funny or what's funny about it,

then that's why it's not working the way you want it to. And is this part of like a bigger picture or a bigger bit, this thing where you're just sucking dicks and taking dicks? Is this like your thing, like a half-hour comedy special where it's just like, I totally let fucking, you know. Are you gay or no? You are gay or no? Yeah, I'm gay.

Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, I mean, then fucking keep talking about it. I mean, straight up gay. I would say talk about what you, who you are, what you are. So to me, it wasn't clear that you were gay because it wasn't clear. He's doing a bit. I'm gay. You what?

I'm full on gay. He is gay. Yeah, straight up gay. He's gay. I don't think so. No, he's doing a bit. Take that back. Okay, well.

Yeah, he's. It's no big deal. I'm genuinely curious if you're gay or not bit Take that back Yeah he's It's no big deal I'm genuinely curious If you're gay or not Take that back Because two of your jokes One's talking about Sucking a guy's dick

Which is cool If you're into it One's talking about Getting raped by a guy So I was like You know It would be a So I should drop those jokes

No no no no The first one yeah And the second one Gotta laugh but Alright then I mean topical bits I'm just you know Unless a topical joke Is really fucking funny, I wouldn't do it.

Because you're not going to do that joke in a couple weeks from now. You shouldn't do it fucking tonight. So just drop it. All right, then. I'll drop it. I really like your stage presence, though, and I think anything like that kind of works for you in a weird way because you're still fun to watch.

I didn't really watch you and go like, ugh, get off stage. It was enjoyable the whole time. It's definitely got something for sure. Yeah, I mean, just tag some shit into it if you want to keep it. All right, then. The sunglasses are a new thing, huh? Yeah, I'll be rocking these sunglasses. I like them.

How long have you been doing that for? About six months now. Six months? Yeah. I've never seen you in the sunglasses, right? You always wear sunglasses? No. Maybe when I did this show, I took them off.

But I usually rock them. Are you from LA, bro? Yeah, I'm from LA. You're from LA? Cool. Whereabouts? From Pomona. Pomona?

Okay. Cool, cool. All right. Fuck yeah, man. Well, you're funny. They're right. You definitely have your own thing going on there. All right, then. Yep. It got weird. All right. Fuck yeah, man. Well, you're funny. They're right. You definitely have your own thing going on there. Yep.

It got weird. Jeremy Lopez. He's on Twitter. It's Lopez. Thank you, Jeremy. TamFam's on Twitter. It's TamFamComedy. That's P-H-A-M.

I hope I'm not coming across the dick because, you know. Oh, for sure. No, no. I'm not. I'm not. When people go. Because these are two. They're comics.

And they're going to, like, you know, he's a I'm not. I'm not. When people go... Because these are two... They're comics, and they're going to... He's a great joke writer. Drop the shit. The fucking T-shirt, you're not going to be wearing that in five years or two years. Maybe you should just fucking drop it and move on with your shit. And then I thought he was gay, so I don't know. I was way off. He's a cool guy, a funny guy.

Typical teacher talking over here about the students, right? Fucking assholes. Just trying to help. I don't know. Just roll with it. Sometimes it gets crazy here. Phil Tony's like a mushroom trip. Like the people, sometimes things like that happen. Where the worst thing that can happen, by the way,

which sort of just happened when he said that he was gay and he wasn't, is when people bullshit because well yeah that's what i'm saying that we're trying no no but i get but that's what i get that if he's like doing a care he wasn't gay yeah you know that no no i'm saying he was doing no he's doing a character up here and then he came up and he was like well i'm gonna continue doing this you know like and i'm like oh he's that guy and i'm okay with that. I'm okay with him going up. He didn't want to work on jokes or whatever. He wanted to come up here and perform for these people in this environment.

Some people come up and they legitimately want to hear what we have to say or some people are coming up to like, yeah, so I get that. He was one of those guys. That's why I'm like, well, okay, all right, do your thing. I love it. I'm just, you know. S All right. Yeah. Do your thing. I love it. I'm just, you know. Suck that dick.

We're going to tell you. Suck that dick. Have a good time. Okay. This looks like a new name. Put your hands together for Adrian Estrada. All right, Adrian. Too many.

Too many. Too many. Too many. Too many. Too many. Oh, shit. Another Asian. Can you deal with that?

Thanks for your service. I'll try. Alright. People tell me I look like Steve Aoki all the time. Like all Asians look alike. But I do actually look exactly like Steve Aoki. You part the hair,

he makes music if you don't know. This is the only reason strangers talk to me. White people especially love to tell me this. Like they're doing me a favor. And as soon as they see me, they lock on with his face. Even across the room, just like a tractor beam. Oh my God. You look just like Steve Aoki.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. Seriously. Just like him. Thanks. I get it. You know an Asian. Congratulations.

You're a citizen of the world with a diverse mental rolodex. Now stop staring at me. Blink. Something. How about I give you this this is going to crush when you open up for Steve Aoki sometimes like an audience that knows exactly

who he is they're going to be fucking dying but I don't know who Steve Aoki is you don't either I didn't know either he's a famous play presser why would I either. He's a famous play presser. Why would I need that? Famous what?

He's a famous play presser. You know, one of those guys that just presses play. Oh, he's a DJ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll see him in music videos. That was him doing a joke. You see what I'm saying? That was his joke, and then we were supposed to get that he was being condescending towards DJ people. See what I mean?

I think you've got a great voice. I like your voice. You know what I mean? Like, it's physical. I like it. Lots of confidence. Yeah, great voice, but then you've just got to work on your material

because you don't, you know what I mean? You're just nervous and stuff, too. I get that. But, like, you know. Go right to the bit. Yeah, yeah. You could have cut out 45 seconds and been like, guys come up to you.

You don't normally just get 60 seconds, too, by the way. But in this case, you really should trim the fat, people, before you come up. You know? Yeah. If it's half your act. You know what I mean? And even if it's a longer set, trim the fat. Just trim the fat.

How long have you been doing stand-up? First time. Wow. Radical. Radical. That's so cool. I'll shut the fuck up now Wow, what made you want to do it?

I've been following a lot of comedians, podcasts, things like that I just like the way they look at the world and break it apart I thought I'd start with the obvious, but I guess it's not obvious to everyone Yeah, but the thing is, do you really feel those things that you were saying? Did that really happen? It happens all the time But so what but what happens when it happens they they tell me and i agree and they tell me again i continue to agree and they just continue to stare at me and smile all right let me tell you something what you're doing right now was a thousand times

better than what you did when you were doing your set yeah funny just better yeah well but what i'm saying like like, you're more, like, this is more who I believe you really are right now, how you were saying that. So the more you do it, you're going to be way comfortable. And I say continue with it. The first time, it's amazing. Yeah, right?

Good for you. On this show, it's a lot of pressure. Are you ever in a situation where it would benefit you and you do say that you're Steve Aoki? Haven't tried that one yet. Try it. Try it and then the bit will write itself.

Yeah, you got to put yourself in position. I got a girlfriend. Otherwise, I would capitalize on that. You have to put yourself in position. But you actually legitimately hate being called Steve Aoki, right? No, I mean...

Do you like his DJ work? You get it, but it doesn't... I do look exactly like him. So does it annoy you? No, it doesn't. It's just at first, whenever someone would lock on to me with those eyes i would just get excited like oh someone's coming to talk to me but then say that that's funny

yeah this is your realness i like that yeah you can be be real that's you know i don't know what are you guys yeah does he have a beard learn how to push a button it's not as bushy as this but he does have pretty much identical features. Yeah. I wouldn't have thought that, though. Like, if he didn't say anything about it, that's not what I would have thought. And I know who he is. Yeah, I was going to say, you're the only one here that knows.

Exactly. Because you're over there pushing your button. Yeah, I'm doing the exact same job for millions, billions, billions less. You watch Game of Thrones? No. Because you do look like an Asian Jon Snow. Anyway. As long as someone goes through making it.

I thought that was hilarious, by the way. Well, I would have too, but I don't see that at all. Well, that's what's funny is that it's an Asian Jon. Like it's not. Jon Snow just has long brown hair and a beard. Any Asian is all right. How long have you been? How old are you, brother?

35. 35. So have you wanted to do comedy a long time? Not at all. Just. Well, I mean, I was I was in the service. I was a cop for a while. Oh, wow.

Crazy. It was just recently that I've been checking out this guy. So cool. Well, you have a whole life experience to fucking talk about. Yeah. I mean, you were caught. Go with that.

That's a sitcom, dude. Yeah. What do you do now? Bomb. You're part of the Rampart scandal and you're... Eat shit.

But yeah, I'm just wandering, looking for... So cool. What if he said, I shot a black guy? By the way, for your first time on stage, acknowledging... That was hilarious.

Acknowledging the joke from earlier with the Patriot and... Oh yeah, that was good too. Way ahead of the game, you're right. For the first time on stage to be doing moves like that, that's good, too. Way ahead of the game, you're right. Yeah, for the first time on stage to be doing moves like that, that's awesome. And it shows that there's definitely, you know, are you planning on doing it more?

Was this just to do it one time? I'd like to. I mean, this was just this time. If you had fun tonight, you'll really like it if you ever get laughs. It gets really exciting, like every one of them. And then you really love it and you want more of it. I look forward to it. All right. Yeah, it's like a whole different thing than what you did. It gets really exciting. Every one of them. Then you really love it. I look forward to it. It's a whole different thing than what you did.

It's awesome. I'm honored that I'm here and you did your first time doing comedy. I fucking love it. That's full of shit. Great job. Cheers to you, brother. Keep doing it. Yeah. Oh, come on.

God, great. Do you have like a racist folder? Is that like... There's like a Jewish sound and like... There's bongo drums. Yeah, there's all of them. His name's Adrian Estrada, but on Twitter it says... His Twitter handle is

A. Kim Estrada. That's his girlfriend's probably. Do you have a stage name or something? My middle name. Oh, fuck yeah. So that's where you hide the Asian. Adrian Estrada doesn't sound the way you look at all. That sounds like a fucking 70s sitcom.

Adrian Estrada. Wait, what's that guy's name? Eric Estrada, right? Fuck yeah, man. You did it. We had a bunch of first-timers in Toronto. Like seven of the people. It was their first time on stage, and they were performing in a theater.

I was fucking jealous every time. Well, that's because of you, Tony. You're creating an environment where people feel comfortable, and they can come out here and test us out. I never had anything like that, so give it up for Tony. Thanks. Ow! I really like what you said, but what was the voice that you said it in? What was that?

What voice? That was a weird voice you were doing. You didn't hear it? Well, I have to listen. Ladies and gentlemen, let's not forget that it's all possible because... Yeah, that's my... I love that. It's Tammy Faye.

It's a tone, you know? I love that. You switched gears. Yeah. I like that. Okay, this looks like another new name. Put your hands together for Akilah Aluko. All right, Akilah.

That's the power that makes the world around. Oh, is it the waitress? Is it the waitress? Oh, that would be great. All right, Akilah. Welcome back. From ages

8 to 11, I spend every Saturday going to strangers' funerals with my grandma. I know you've heard of wedding crashers, but we were like funeral crashers. It started off with people that she knew from her church, and then they all died off. So then we would visit hospitals and see who had time left on their chart. The only thing I hated about is that we never stayed for the food after the funeral. And I would be like, Grandma, why can't we stay for the food? And she was like, that is disrespectful.

We don't know these people. We can't just eat their food. And I'm like, what's more disrespectful is that you took a picture of their son in the casket because he bagged your cabbage before. And she was like, a woman's relationship with the man who bags her vegetables is very special thank you very much all right yeah it's dark as fuck so what would you guys i'm just a little confused like what would you go to the funerals for if you weren't gonna eat that's

what i was upset about she would really want to support the person. Oh, wow. She felt like she needed to be there for them. Right. Do you have a nice heart like your grandma? That's very sweet. Yeah, I'm a nurse. Oh, you are a nurse. Okay, radical.

Well, I'm going to say what I loved is that you stayed on the same topic. Yeah. And even though it was only 60 seconds, I felt like it was a whole long conversation and that's a great thing, you don't have to come up here and do one joke, then I gotta do another joke that's how you build

a set because now that little chunk because when you're saying I'm thinking I want to know more about your grandma and so now that's going to be a whole 10 minutes on your grandma, what she looks like, what she talks like and then it's going to be like a specific funeral you went to. It said a lot about the relationship

between you and your grandma. That's great. You're doing a good job. All in a minute. Nobody else in this room can talk about that. Estrada, ultimately, if he keeps doing it,

he's going to talk about being a cop or whatever. You've got to talk about your own shit. I like how you just skipped over the other two. Yeah, I know. So you... No, but that's great. So that's... Continue with that. How long have you been doing it?

A year. Yeah, yeah. So you're getting... I hear your voice. It's not loud yet. But I hear... I see it coming. And you'll be able to really dig into that stuff. So keep it up.

Good job, I thought. Yeah, definitely. Really good. It was really dark. That's what I liked about it because it seemed real, but it also seemed like, wow, that's fucked up. And like you said, I really wanted to hear more about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's awesome. But it wasn't fucked up. Well, you only had a minute, but it was your grandma was like genuinely. Because that's what I thought, too. It's like, why the fuck are you going to these dead people? And she would really take pictures of them. Yeah, but the taking the picture thing, that's weird. Like maybe even finding, like I would love to see her open her closet. I just cleaned out her house, and that's why I did the joke.

There was like a picture, a photo album, and I was like, oh, shit. I had like a flashback. Is she still alive? Yeah, she's still alive. Oh. So you were cleaning, you were robbing your grandma? No, we just moved into her house so we were just cleaning all her stuff.

Where'd she go? She lives in Compton. What? You're supposed to go to Compton with me, remember? No, I don't. What are you talking about? The last time I was here... So it's all coming out, Tony. The last time I was here, I told you I lived in Compton with my grandma,

and you said you would roll to the CPT with me. Oh, that's what they call it, the CPT. Listen, can I tell you something? Any chance corny white guys get to say that, they're going to say it. So he doesn't really want to go with you. I want to say it again. He just loved to say that. He was like, I'm going to roll to the CPT.

I was telling all my friends. Oh, I'm going to say it again. I'm going to say it later when you least expect it. I love this. Let's stick on the material. Does your grandma still go to funerals? No. Why? She's bed bound now. She can't walk anymore.

Thanks for bringing that up. Thanks a lot. Open mouth, insert foot. Just own it. Taking pictures. No, but listen. Just own it. Own it. Taking pictures. No, but listen, I'm sorry, T. You have a wealth of material from being a nurse that sometimes you don't think something's funny

because you live in it. So work on that. And yeah, it's just you and your grandma. All right, that's another sitcom. If I were you, I would you and your grandma all right that's another sitcom if i were you i would start writing a fucking sitcom about that and in seven to ten years you'll have you know 38 40 pages of a fucking of a show that nobody else has and you go in you know he's right you got a great voice in your funny yeah and you And you have to get on writing that sitcom now

because let's face it, we're going to need to cast a new grandma by the time it's finished. She's not going to make it. She's not going to make it. She's not. It's okay. Thank you so much.

But I'm sure her funeral... I'm sure... That's a different sitcom. I'm positive that her funeral, when she has one, will be jam-packed. Well, you're invited, so everyone can see.

You're invited to my grandma's funeral. Oh, you're sweet. Can I take pictures? Yes, you can. All right. I will definitely be there. Wow, what a sweetheart. Akilah.

Akilah, you're my favorite tonight so far, which means nothing, but you're rad. What is going on over there? I'm surprised you didn't play Beyonce or something. That was great. Okie dokie. Who's next? That was Akilah Aluko. She is A-K-E-Y-L-A.

A-L-U-K-O. She said Compton too? Compton. Got to fix that up. It's hard to remember that. I'm looking forward to my chance to roll to the CPT. Put your hands together for your next comic Jake Beckman The Country Music Awards

Are the fucking special Olympics Of the music industry Country bands never went out at regular music awards ceremonies, so they had to create their own, to create the illusion that hundreds of millions of people listen to their shitty music. I'm sure that some of the votes are unofficial, some get paid to vote, and some vote twice. The way country music has transitioned to shitty rock and roll makes it obvious

that they are becoming aware of how shitty, stagnant, and boring country music sounds. Mixing acoustics, banjos, and violins with electric guitars and drums makes a sound that completely contradicts itself. They just need to realize that country music is becoming a relic of a dying generation. The way that they have strayed from the original sound that created the country music genre is a statement that they agree

that the general overall sound of country music is boring, stagnant, mind-numbing, and retarded, which leads people to becoming Retardedly Um Jesus Alright You're talking to this No no I I have

I have a couple questions Yeah No he doesn't I do No no The answer to your fucking question Is no he doesn't really talk like that No no no

That's not even what I'm gonna ask Is like I hope not Like are you talking like that On purpose That's just how I talk man Okay I just talk like that That's not how you fucking talk That's just how I talk, man. That's not how you fucking talk. This is just how I am, dude.

It's nothing how you're talking right now. You're immediately talking differently. You just went from ShamWow, Casey Case, with a little bit of exit stage left even, and now you're talking kind of differently. I was waiting for those audio books. I was waiting for it to go boom. This is just the way that i always

talk this is how it is man no no but wait it's okay like i'm not yeah i don't have a problem with it i'm asking you are you talking like that on purpose or do you legitimately they're saying right now that you think you talk like that all the time when i get onto topics that usually grab my gears and i get you know some it just pisses me off. Then I start, you know, rambling and ranting. Okay, well, here's the thing. If somebody comes on stage and let's say they had, like if some chick came on stage and she had like gargantuan titties and never mentioned it one time, the whole time people are going to be like, she's not going to talk about these big titties? What's up with these titties?

Or it's like you go to a play. You ever been to a play and someone's earring drops, you know, and then you're just the whole time like, is somebody going to pick this fucking earring up? You know,

that's what you just did right now. Like, you were just doing this like, oh, and I'm okay with it. Okay. If that's like, if you would have just said like,

you know, I know I sound like a radio disc jockey, but this is how I talk. And then we would have been like, oh, okay, we're past it. And then we would have listened to you but like

you went the whole time doing that and the first thing you're thinking of is like is this a radio program is he doing a bit are you doing a character like and i'm okay with any of that dude he fucking wrote that it is written it's written and he's how many times have you done that in the fucking mirror how long you been doing stand-up i've been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up. I pretty much started this year. I got my album released on iTunes. Oh, he's the guy that released his record before he... Right when I started stand-up comedy. Have you been on this show before?

Yeah, one time. And you're the one that made the album? Holy shit, I've been waiting to talk to you. Hey, what's up, man? How long has it been? It's been like a year. Dude, dude. Stop talking. Okay. Just answer my questions. It's been like a year. Stop talking. Okay.

Just answer my questions. It's been like a year, right? It has been. Oh my god. I know. It's been a long time. And how long were you doing it at the time that you made that comedy album? Guys, let me catch you up. He made a comedy album. This guy's like a fucking superstar to me, by the way. This guy made a comedy album live after doing

it for a couple months, and he did it with, not even during a live show. He just did it for a couple months and he did it with not even during a live show he just did it into a computer speaker and like as in left left left pauses for laughter that wouldn't possibly happen in between the things and then on top of all that he added an echo slight echo to it so that it sounded like uh so it sounded like he was performing in front of a giant empty theater instead of just an empty room. And it was fucking epic.

You have been referenced quite a few times on the show since then, but I didn't know the name or anything. Wow, I'm like starstruck right now by you, Jake, because you were an instant classic.

Yes. Fuck yes. Somebody hacked into my bank account, though, through my debit card. Wow. Did they take the whole 30 cents that you made off that comedy album from the two listeners that found it so funny that they've downloaded it themselves? Yes. And the one download that we had?

And then my bank wouldn't reimburse me for my money, so I had to go back home, save up money to come back out. So I'm fucking back. I'm here. And I grew... That's what it took to get you back in show business? I grew 40,000 cannabis plants. That's what I did when I was gone, growing 40,000 cannabis plants.

Oh, man. Fuck yeah. 30,000. You perked up. Talk about that. Yes, I did. Well, Jake. Look at the potheads They're like

I'm gonna bring Scooby Snacks too So you're gonna You're gonna write You're gonna speak yourself out of that And I would say it's cool that you write that shit But you gotta slow it down And not even wait For punchlines like you did in your

first fucking comedy album. Just, you know, give people a chance to hear what you're saying. If you're genuinely pissed off about it, slow the fuck down. Get those moments. And yeah, just slow down. You're not going to be the same comic

as you were. That's going to happen naturally. I've only been on stage probably 12 times'll just, you're going to be, yeah, that's going to happen naturally, so. Yeah, I've only been on stage probably 12 times. Yeah, yeah. You really, I mean, you really made me panicky, like I didn't want to listen. I was like freaking out. It's like, what is he saying?

You've only done stand-up 12 times since last time you were on? I've only been on stage like 12 times. Ever. Ever. He performed in front of his computer. Yeah. Pretty much. I would say, take that fucking bit, don't throw it away, but rewrite it so it's not a big, long fucking pile of shit, and take a few bits that you're angry about about country music that pisses you off. Not just a pile of shit.

Right. A very big pile of shit. Just like it was a one-man fucking show. And Bryce Wright just plowed through it after hearing Akilah. It was just night and fucking day. Literally. And that's just your skin tones. Talk about growing fucking weed, man.

But did you come up here and did that on purpose, though? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I was trying to meet the time frame, and I did it a little bit faster, and I do slow it down a little bit just to get those moments. Have you been performing in empty theaters at all? No.

Tony, I tell you what. Let's take a listen to Jake's... Oh, we have? We were able to find some of it. We played a little bit of it last time, right? That was a year ago. Jake Beckman. Here was his first comedy album.

What was the name of the album? The Jake Beckman Mind Fuck. Oh, yeah. Okay, this one's called Legalize Cannabis. Uh-oh. The solution. Unfortunately, our society no longer practices or promotes common sense anymore, so either a good amount of you won't know what the solution is,

or you won't agree with me. This solution can provide our marketplace with more food, medicine, clothes, plastic, paper, stronger timber, oils, biodiesels, jobs, and... Holy shit! Right when I had my whole entire 43... Thank you. Thank you very much.

I actually liked it. I actually liked that, but it doesn't seem like... That's his own genre. It's not really... That's kind of cool. I don't think... He was breaking your balls, T,

when he said you're waiting for laughs. You're not waiting for laughs. You're just talking into a fucking... Yeah, that's cool. Here's him talking about teachers. Uh-oh. They would stop doing to somebody who wasn't paying attention, and once that person realized what was happening,

they would retaliate by pissing back. And before you knew it, you had full-blown piss fest in the shower. Despite being a starting running back in the state championship game and being a two-time state champ in the 400-meter dash, I must restate and clarify. Oh, my God. It's just unbearable. You know what this reminds me of?

It's not comedy. It's just waiting. Something's going to happen. Do you remember when Brody was passing around this video that he did and it was him doing jump rope. It said

you wait till the end. Basically, he jump roped for two minutes and then just, that was it. At the end of it, you're like, what the fuck? It just left you hanging. That's what that was. But a whole album.

With those iTunes previews, though, it goes right into the middle of the joke. There's like, you know, you missed the setup and everything. That's why they have to buy it to hear the whole thing, right guys? Wait, did you sell any albums? Yeah. How many? One. And then somebody bought like separate tracks, so I have $14

on my TuneCore account. That's pretty... Good for you. So you sold an album? You know what? This motherfucker is ambitious. But the guy who bought it was Fizz. He was from Houston.

He was like, who says that you need stage time to drop an album? And he gave me one star. Did he say it like that in the comment box? Comments don't have voices. You just read them.

That's how the voice went in my head. How long is the album that you put out on the internet? It's been out since January 5th. How long is the album? How much time do you do it? 43 minutes. I can do 43 minutes right now. You can?

Yes. Ladies and gentlemen. Let's dim the lights. I'm almost with you. I almost want to see. Right. 43 minutes given. Trust me, dude.

It already felt like 43 minutes. We love you, Jake. Thank you so much. It's Jake Beckman, everybody. Good luck, Jake. More. Fuck yeah. There he goes, Jake Beckman.

Available on iTunes. One download and the guy was angry. Unbelievable. I'm with it. I want my fucking dollar back. This is some bullshit. I mean, Jesus Christ, is it in front of an empty theater?

It's gotta be. You know, it's not gonna... All right. Let's fucking do it. Let's get somebody else up here. Put your hands together for Tyler Misnari. All right, Tyler. Yeah.

Hey. I used to live in this house where I had to take care of a yard, but I didn't because I didn't give a shit, you know. One day I came out and there was this sign in the yard that said, hey, if you don't mow your grass below eight inches, we're going to fine you $300 or you're going to serve three days in jail. Yeah, three days in jail.

That's crazy. You know, what am I going to tell my cellmate? You know? Hey, what are you in for? Oh, I'm lazy. That's why I'm here. Hey, but don't try anything, although I won't stop you because I'm lazy.

I just think it's crazy that we live in a country, you know, where a woman can legally kill a person that's growing inside of her. But God damn it, if my grass gets above eight inches, it's a fucking problem. where a woman can legally kill a person that's growing inside of her. But God damn it, if my grass gets above eight inches, it's a fucking problem. What I'm trying to say is I'm pro-choice about grass, guys. Let it grow up. Why do we got to kill it? Government, stay out of my bedroom. Also my backyard.

I don't know if reincarnation is real, but if it is, every person who's ever been a member of a homeowners association is coming back as grass, guys. All of them. That's it for me. Thank you. Fuck yeah. A lot of funny stuff there, man. Oh, thanks. Hell yeah. Yeah, distinct voice. You know, you're obviously a joke

writer. You know where you're going. You know, that was good, right? You know, smart. Yeah, yeah. Funny, man. Really funny. Smart, funny. You've got to keep doing it.

Yeah, I've been doing it for years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the cutoff of doing this show? Yeah, because I don't think you should be on here. Yeah. Well, I mean, anybody can sign up, you know, and we can we could try to extend more truth so that he knows the next thing to go into. Like, there's just the minutes.

Good. Like, that's true. You're right. I mean, you know, you're you getting paid to do this yet? A little bit, but not really. Who's mowing the lawn at this place? That's where I lived in North Carolina and that really happened.

They sent someone from the city to come threaten me with jail time. Say that. There we are. It mean, it's already better because now, because people here are going to think like, what?

You just moved into a place where you have to, where the fuck's that? I've never heard of that. I usually say it, you know, it's a minute, so I was just kind of like getting right to it.

I don't know, you got to the part you wanted to get to. Yeah, yeah. He actually knew exactly where he wanted people to laugh, so I'm with him. How big did you let it get? How many inches did you let it get up to?

It was really tall. But I lived in the street that was right next to the woods. So it was my yard at the end and then woods. And so there was branches and shit all the time. It was crazy. I was never going to mow this fucking thing. My neighbors just hated me. And so what I did is I would just mow it

whenever I got the sign in my yard. And then I just let it grow for like a month. And they'd give me another sign. And then I'd mow it again. If I had one suggestion, it's like when you say you're in jail talking to the guy. And that was one of those jokes where you're like,

well, I know where this is going, right? But it seems to me you were more proud of it, so maybe you should try the opposite of that instead of like you're proud that you're in here for that, not... Not the lazy part? Yeah, you know what I mean? Because that's a joke that everybody...

You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, well, I'll be in jail, and what are you in for? I'm in for killing people. Well, I'm in for... You know, you don't have to necessarily do the obvious because you seem to be like a guy that's going to take it to a left turn anyway. So always think like that, I think. Just try it.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're funny, man. You probably have – how much time do you have? You have 20 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes? 20 minutes? I probably do like 43 minutes. 43? Hey, it's no album, okay?

It's no album at like an empty hall, but you know. You're funny, man. Really funny. Set up punch. I like it. Thank you. Thank you, guys. I like the point of view is what I like.

It's him. It's him. Notice that that's the dude here talking. That was the dude doing the bit. That's the same guy in the hallway. It the same dude so you know which is a hard thing uh yeah different every comic's different but you're already used so what'd you think of uh tyler msnark's work tonight he hates him no i honestly think tyler did a great job and he's fucking killing it fuck yeah yeah well what would you have what would you have the yeah. What would you have told him

had he been Asian? To fuck off. To fuck off. All right. Still racist against Asians. I'm glad I found this out about you. I'm going to watch your body language around Bobby Lee from now on.

But if it was an Asian girl. Tyler, thank you so much. Another great job. You're great. Tyler Miznar you so much. Another great job. Tyler Miznarx on Twitter at Tyler Miz. That's Tyler, M-E-Z, all one word. This is the part of the show where we get to our two regulars. They do a brand new minute each week since the show started.

You know these girls. Both of you do because you've both been here before. So let's see what they're up to this week, what wacky new minute we're going to get tonight. Your first comedian going up had a breakthrough set last week, talking about dustpans. She went balls deep into it, and we found out a lot about her style. Here she is for you again. It's Sarah Weinschenker.

Love Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. What's up? Right now, I have a shower door. Before that, I had a shower curtain. It's hard to decide which one's better. I've decided, fuck it, have both. I have a shower door, and covering it, I have a shower curtain. Because it's fun.

A shower curtain lets you decide the vibe of your bathroom. Set the tone. What do you want? Do you want sharks on your shower curtain? You can have it. You want flowers? You can have it. It's like a poster. It's fun. It's jovial. You don't get that with a shower door. The positives of a shower door are, well, there aren't that many. You're just exposed, and you have to have a squeegee. Squeegees are fucking weird. It's like a windshield wiper, but not for your shower door. It's like an over- Okay.

Okay. I'm scared. I wasn't sure. That cat came in hard tonight. That legit scared me. Well, I can tell that this is something that you're really dealing with in real life. Yeah. I mean, because it's completely probably unrelatable to almost anybody.

I mean, not a lot of people run into that problem. Yeah, because if you have a door door then there's rarely a rod you know what i mean like that rod would just be an extra one and put it over the door yeah you could if you if you were are you really doing that double coverage why don't you just put a tent around the entire thing or something like i wanted i didn't like the way my shower looked i felt like it was ugly it was the one with the door yeah and i felt exposed because i'd have to look at myself in the mirror while I was showering. Is it a sliding door?

It's one of the sliding doors? No, it's just... It opens. Ew. Yeah, it sucks. So, like, water comes out when you open it. Well, no, because my drain works. If there was water on the door.

Yeah. But there's not because I have a squeegee. What do you do with a squeegee? You got a squeegee or shower door. I've never squeegeed in a shower door before. That's such a girl thing. No. I don't think one guy in here even thought... Every guy in here just went, oh, wow, yeah, we should squeegee your shower door. I've never squeegeed a shower door before. That's such a girl thing. I don't think one guy in here even thought.

Every guy in here just went, oh, wow, yeah, we should squeegee that. That's like. Half the guys. I would just get a homeless guy to come in and just, you know. Half the guys in this room tonight were like, shower? Oh, yeah, forgot. Got to take one of those. Wait, that really changes everything for me.

Because my whole childhood I had to use a squeegee. Yeah, that's weird. Is that weird? What you should be talking about is your crazy parents. That sounds like a... Then I don't want water marks. There's a squeegee

next to your shower so then after cleaning your body you have to clean the shower? My mom was like, Sarah, you didn't squeegee. And I thought that that was like a normal thing. That's why I was like,

oh, I'm going to talk about squeegees and showers. That's not normal at all. No. Fuck. Wait, that's not like finish your food That's not normal. No. Fuck. Wait, that's not like finish your food. You know what I mean?

Yeah. That's a whole other weird. It's like a dewy neurotic move. Oh, that's the mom. Was there like family meetings? Like, you know, they would come in. Everyone into the bathroom. There are streaks on. That's definitely the kind of mom that ends up drowning her kids.

The one where everybody's in the dining room and she just walks in with a big pile of turkey. Did you squeegee the shower? What shower curtain did you choose for your bathroom? Right now I have a weird one. I'm looking to move into the united states but it's colored in every different color it's like the world map that's what i want but right now i have like men's grooming like shaving i don't know it's real hipster and weird well you know what can i say something um comedy wise i think that like as you're talking about these things you know because

what you're talking about like you need your personality to really come through because that's what's going to be funny because you're going to be talking about, you need your personality to really come through because that's what's going to be funny. Because you're going to be talking about normal things. It's not necessarily going to be jokes you're writing, but those things will come as you talk about this more. But I think that definitely you have to have a distinct, very Stephen Wright-ish kind of like one of these people that's doing a performance piece about everything you talk about. And then people are going to laugh the moment you just say anything. You're going to be like, so trash cans. And everybody's going to be like, I can't wait to hear about the trash cans.

And that's exactly what her thing is. Yeah, so you just have to make sure you're always in the pocket on that every time. If not, then it's going to just be like, why the fuck are we talking about this? What you were missing tonight with that minute was distinct punchlines. When you're just depending on the style, which is great, your style is amazing and your delivery is always great and always getting better. But when you're only depending on that to get you through and just that in perspective and no hard, this is going to get a pop type of thing, then it's too much work to carry that entire load, even though you're really good at that. But it'll come with telling the story,

because how many times have you told this story, or how many times have you talked about this? Just this time. You've got to get to this. About the shower. The squeegeeing. They'll come. The squeegeeing is something that's the crazy part.

And what shower curtain you end up choosing could be something. Yeah, like the vibe of my bathroom is this. Exactly. You could just go through some different references. You started off with a goat seat and then you're like, that's too gross. Well, I just want to, like the way she's talking about this, I want to hear about her whole bathroom. You know, what kind of fingernail, you know, clipper or whatever. You know, that's the kind of weirdness you got and I like that and continue with it.

It's good. Yeah, definitely. I'm sure we'll find out more about Sarah's bathroom. We already know, people that have been listening to the show know that we already have her entire kitchen pretty much figured out. Every condiment and every...

I gotta listen to the show. It sounds good stuff. Galern, anything else for Ms. Weinstein? No, she's a very sweet girl and I love Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. She's on Twitter at Princess Shank. That's all one word. Ending in S-H-E-N-K.

Your final comedian of the night, our other regular. She dropped out of the University of Florida after doing her first spot here. She's been with us 70-some weeks in a row. Put your hands together for the great Kimberly Congdon, everybody. Yay. Guys, I think it's so weird. I'm 24 years old. I think it's weird when people my age have savings.

You know, because the only thing I'm saving is anal sex for my husband. It's really weird. I think it's time for me to really grow up and start like an emergency fund in case I ever run out of weed money. I think that's important. I was dating a Mexican dude, and we broke up, but I'm over it. On to the next one.

Thank you. I went to Phoenix. I performed in Phoenix this weekend. A lot of white people. Smelled like really high tax brackets. That was fun. I think that if you ever start shopping inside of a Walmart, you should really reconsider your life choices.

You probably have. Okie dokie. How was that going to end? I don't know. I was making it up. Oh, wow. There you go. Fuck yeah.

Just writing right in front of everybody. OK. I had a third joke. It's all good. I don't know. Oh, the sounds of L.A. You know how they sell those cds with different sounds it was stupid back to the walmart thing yeah on to the next one's funny i

mean it's not the first time anybody's used one for one but i mean it's it's cute yeah but uh all the other stuff um what the fuck was the first one? What was the first thing you talked about? Oh, the emergency fund. That was a joke I have. Oh, yeah. The weed money. You know what I liked? Was you talking about other people your age having savings?

I think you were about to go down a really funny lane there. Yeah. I think, you know think thinking about that more is how it relates to you if you do have a savings or a checking or whatever. Here's what I think about that though.

If the joke is about young people don't have savings then yeah. But I think the joke was to get to her to say I'm saving anal sex. Right. And I'm saying she could do that too and then continue on.

Because it would have even been funnier because you would say that offhandedly. Right. Like the only thing I've ever said. You know what I mean? But then if you thought that that was going to be it, if that kind of thinking

is going to be harder to write more material because you're always going to be it if that kind of thinking is going to be harder to write more material because you're always going to be looking for the what's the shocking thing i can say here but that's okay too though if you're like oh that's like a one-liner person right you know what i mean well kimberly writes jokes i mean to me you're just a pure comic you're obviously going to be a comic for a lot of years and you're the real deal deal. So it really doesn't matter what the fuck you say in a minute. Thanks. You get to open up for Sebastian this weekend in Phoenix. Like 500 people or something.

560. That's the biggest show you've ever done, right? Yeah. How was that? It was amazing, yeah. That's so cool. That's really cool. That's amazing.

What did it, anything? It was crazy. It was amazing. I opened up two shows for them. I closed one of them. Didn't get to close the second one. Wait, you went up after Sebastian? Yeah, I closed the show out too.

Wow. What does that mean? That just means you just like say goodbye to everything. Oh, I gotcha. Right. Yeah, that's not closing the show. She didn't do a tight 45. Oh, no, no. What the fuck? Yeah, that's not closing the show. She didn't do a tight 45. Oh, no, no. What the fuck? Yeah, that's called hosting the show. But I didn't go up in between them.

Right, that's still hosting. Closing the show would be what Sebastian did, that big, huge thing that got hundreds of applause breaks. I didn't do that yet. Spit takes and all that crazy stuff. He's great, yeah. Yeah, he's amazing. He's truly one of my favorites to watch. A lot of fun.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Good job. Another new minute. Okay, bye. It's always tough to critique writing when they're doing a new minute each week. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's good. Always fun. Do that minute. Guys, we did it. That's what it's like. Kill Tony, yeah. It's good. Always fun. Do that minute. Guys, we did it. That's what it's like. Kill Tony number 78. It's in the books. That's it.

That's it. That's what it looks like. 78 weeks every week? Yeah. Wow. I mean, plus one last Friday was 77. A couple other ones. Good for you.

What do you got going on, Eric? Eric Griffin on Twitter. E-R-I-K-G-R-I-F-F-I-N. Well, you know, we're just shooting season five of Workaholics right now. I don't know. Comedy Central. Crossover fans. Jason Galern, every comedian's favorite comedian.

Anything crazy happening? You're hilarious on Twitter. One of my favorite people to follow. Jason G-I-L-L-E-A-R-N. Can't spell G-I-L-L-E-A-R-N without learn. That's it. Same shit. It's the name of his first album.

What else? Anything else? Any gigs coming up you guys want to promote? No. Okay. Well, catch me in Denver. I'm headlining Comedy Works, one of the best comedy clubs in the world.

January 2nd and 3rd. Jerron Horton's on Twitter. At where? Jerron Horton? Jerron Horton. J-E-R-R-O-N-H-O-R-T-O-N. Yeah, but I'd rather y'all follow me on Instagram, though. He'd rather y'all follow him on Instagram in the CPT.

Bagels can't be choosers, man. What are you on Instagram? Same thing. Same thing, everybody. So follow him on Instagram in the CPT. Bagels can't be choosers, man. What do you want on Instagram? Same thing. Same thing, everybody. So follow him on Instagram instead of Twitter. So instead of knowing what shows he's going to be at, you can just see pictures of shows that he already did. Really, really good marketing,

Jerron. Really brilliant. Really smart. Big future ahead of you in that costume. Thank you for being the Patriot. Josh Martins, Josh Martin Comic, Brian Redband of you in that costume. Thank you for being the Patriot. Josh Martins, Josh Martin Comic, Brian Redband. Death Squad Secret Show this Thursday in the main room, guys. Thank you, live audience.

I love you so much. Thank you. one you know what i won't hesitate to this one or two before i'm through so don't try to sing this i'm drop science well i'm dropping english even if yella makes it acapella i still express yo i don't smoke weed or sex because it's known to give a brother brain damage and brain damage on the mic don't manage nothing but making a sucker in you equal don't be another sequel you