KILL TONY - KILL TONY #8

Episode Date: August 5, 2013

Jeremiah Watkins, Earl Skakel, Sara Mostajabi, Kimberly Congdon, Iron Patriot, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 07/22/2013 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV. Please check out our Death Squad store. The new Death Squad shirt is shipping this week. Go to ShopSquad.TV. Also, me and Tony are coming to Phoenix, Arizona in September. All our tour dates and everything can always be found at DeathSquad.TV. If you haven't seen a live Death Squad show, it's pretty sweet. We bring in a couple people and we come to your town and it's people that you know from

the podcast, like Tony. So check out DeathSquad.TV for our tour dates, and check out ways to get to see this show, Kill Tony, which is a live podcast every Monday at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, California at 8 p.m. It's free, and you can just get your tickets to reserve your seats online at DeathSquad.TV or thecomedystore.m. It's free, and you can just get your tickets like to reserve your seats online at DeathSquad.tv or TheComedyStore.com. It is followed by The Ding Dong Show,

which is also free, so check us out Mondays at The Comedy Store. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is RedBank coming to you live from the Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for your host, Tony Hinchcliffe.

Fuck yeah. How exciting. Hi, Tony. I was five and he was six. Fuck yeah. How exciting. Hi, Tony. Wow, it's good to be here again. How you guys doing out there? Holy shit, this is a big crowd for a Kill Tony episode. This is very exciting.

Word's getting around. Groaning and groaning. I fucking love it. Hi, everybody. Welcome, welcome. Fuck yeah. Big weekend this past Welcome, welcome. Fuck yeah. Big weekend this past weekend, right? Fuck yeah.

I'm so sore from walking around looking at comic books. Yeah. Brian was at Comic-Con in San Diego leading the Death Squad regime into the American Comedy Company for big midnight shows. Yep. And I was in Corpus Christi texas by myself uh doing gigs uh there yeah how was it like where that's like near uh that's like in the middle somewhere

right it's actually farther uh east yeah it's right by uh the gulf of mexico on the texas side so um yeah it's right there with sel's from there. They have this big statue of Selena right across from where I was staying. Gomez? No, the original Selena. Her full name was just Selena. She was like the Mexican Madonna

and she got shot and killed. It was a big deal. The Iron Patriot is here obviously. shot and killed. It was a big deal. Remember Jennifer Lopez? Oh, hey, everybody. The Iron Patriot is here, obviously. Holy shit. This guy really knows how to... He's like Ed McMahon with Tourette's.

What were you saying? It's hard to get a word in edgewise. You talk so much. Well, I didn't introduce you yet. We're at the part of the podcast where... You son of a bitch. You know we always say hello. We talk about our weekend, and then where, you son of a bitch. You know we always say hello. We talk about our weekend

and then we check in with you. Look at you over there. I'll wait patiently. Sorry. People have been hitting you up on Twitter so much. My ego's growing. My head is getting bigger and bigger every day like Jupiter. There you go. Luckily, it still fits in that iron helmet.

So the statue of her, is it like she's laying down on the ground? No, they actually made the statue when she was alive. I mean, they made it of her alive. They didn't take the part where she was a corpse and make a stone image of that. But that would be something. They'd probably get more press or whatever.

Yeah, they need to do more dead statues. That's true. Why do they always try to encapsulate these heroes at their greatest moments when they could get them at their lowest? Yeah, or it could just be like a funeral. You're seeing them, you didn't get to go to the funeral, you get to see what they look like dead. Yeah. Like they're just resting.

I'd love to see a decomposing statue of John Lennon or something. Or a statue I guess the wording would be a statue of a decomposing John Lennon. There you go. So Iron Patriot. The Iron Patriot

is here everybody. Put your hands together for him. Yeah and there was tons of you guys out there, and it was really comforting to be around them because I felt like it was you. Yes. And you were the only one that I know

that has a voice modulator, though. So you come up to this really badass guy. There was one guy that had this huge turret that rotated like it was shooting and stuff like that, and he comes up, and you're like, well, hey, nice costume. He's like, oh, thanks. You know, and it's just...

It was muffled, right? Thank you very much. But, no, it was really cool. And are you excited about all the announcements? Yeah, people have been telling me. I read some things on the internet. I looked at a bunch of costumes. There was a lot of people doing cosplay that looked real cool.

Why weren't you there? You know that you can travel places and you don't have to wear the suit, right? For those of you that don't know, the Iron Patriot suit is fucking like real and crazy that he has to take the bus here from where he lives because he can't sit down in the suit that's not a joke he literally like if you offered him a ride he wouldn't be able to take it he has to stand up the entire way so the only way you can do it is by getting on the bus and a fun fact

is they never charge them. No, no. They went by me one time, though, because they didn't know I was standing for the bus. They thought I was just a crazy dude. I tried to go like this. And they just went right by me. My buddy's here, Matt from Hornblasters.com. And if we could get a mic on him.

I don't know if you know what a hornblaster is. No, I don't. This is exciting. He started the company, I believe, what was it, 92 or 93? 2001. 2001? Wow, brain fart. But it's those cars that have, like, train horns in them.

You know, where you're like, what the fuck was that? You know, horns. Yeah. Wouldn't it be awesome if he had that somehow attached to him? That would be. But the Patriot makes some great noises. I appreciated that bud you gave me last week,

Tony. It made me feel very special. The what? That bud you gave me. I liked it. My awareness is growing every day of a reality. I now realize that we're floating in infinity in our trip through eternity. Consciousness is always showing us what we want to see

and truly believe. Wow, those are some new ones, by the way, first of all. For those of you, again, that don't know, the Patriot's also notorious for his marijuana-induced deep thoughts. He's very philosophical at times.

I started singing to the weed. I liked it so much. Doobie doobie doobie do. Doobie I love you. Alright. Some are better than others. I'm the cyber sexy sex bot made of steel. I am programmed to make all the ladies squeal. I have

boots of aluminum and circuit board abs. I'm impervious to hackers, chlamydia or crabs. Super Sonic Sex Machine. Super Sonic Sex Machine. I'm thinking of doing a Broadway musical, calling it

Super Sonic Sex Machine, because that's what I am. Fuck yeah. I could definitely see you on Broadway. I mean, not inside any of the theaters, but outside on the sidewalk, totally. I could definitely see you on Broadway I mean not inside any of the theaters But outside on the sidewalk Totally I could picture that Square cut or pear shaped These rocks don't lose their shape

Diamonds are a girl's best friend That is fucking amazing Right there that was awesome That was creepy On the boats and on the planes They come to America. Never coming back again, they come to America. All right, all right, all right.

Okay, Patriot. We know that you know some songs. We get it. We get it. Okay, well, thanks for letting me carry on that far. I'm karaoke from hell Oh my god That's awesome

I fucking love you man Matt with this guy He makes these videos though Where he's just driving down the street And just honks it And records the people Fucking shitting themselves And you still have my

Hornblasters.com right? Yeah It's an audible rape Have you ever gotten in trouble for that? Yeah I had a lawsuit up until last week Finally settled after three years Wow I'm at hornblasters.com, right? Yeah. It's an audible rape. Have you ever gotten in trouble for that? Yeah. I had a lawsuit up until last week. Finally settled after three years. Wow.

What happened? Did you cause an accident or something or make a dog have a seizure? Some hearing loss, allegedly. Really? Wow. I didn't even think about that. How'd they get you? They saw your license plate or something?

Someone was at a car show. They honked the horn, and it all came back to me. But it's all gone. We're good. Wow. So is it technically legal to have that? There's no law against having an air horn on your car. I mean, you can get in a lot of trouble with a chainsaw from Home Depot if you use it the wrong way.

Right. So you just try to not be a dick with it. Wow. But that's what everyone kind of does with it. Right, yeah. Bees a dick with it. It's so fucking fun, though. Yeah, it seems like fun.

Like, watching people react to it, it's one of my favorite things in the room. I love that. I love shocking people. I saw one of the funnier videos I've ever seen in my life. I can't remember what it was, what the actual thing is. Somebody in this room might know, but they did this prank on people where they put this scary little girl in an elevator. Oh, yeah. That's awesome.

I must have been the last person to see this but I mean it was unbelievably fucking hilarious so they put this little creepy girl on the other side of a panel and then people get on an elevator and they hit the floor and then the elevator stops and the light goes out and this little girl comes out of the panel of the elevator so all of a sudden she's in the elevator just standing there and then the light flips on and these people

just fucking lose their shit it's unbelievable so check that out if you haven't because if I say it's a funny So check that out if you haven't. Because if I say it's a funny fucking video, that means you have to watch it. Because I hate everything. Could you do a... I would love to do a prank show like that. Wouldn't that be so much fun?

Oh, absolutely. That's the kind of shit I mean. Me and Ari Shaffir had this thing where this guy gave me a box of this stuff that he created called Liquid Ass. He was... In college, he created it because he was a scientist or something.

That was his college project. And it's like one little teardrop of it makes the whole place smell like fucking shit. It's just disgusting. So I had boxes of them. I'm not going to use that much. So me and Ari took all this money, like dollars,

and just drenched it and then put them on the ground. And we recorded it from a car. And the problem, we never released the video. I think it might have been on a Death Squad podcast somewhere where I showed it. But we never released the video because what happened is only kids picked

it up. And so it would be like a family, like, oh, mommy, look! And then the kid starts crying and wipes it all over its face. oh, mommy, look. And then the kid starts crying and wipes it all over its face. That's awesome. And then it got bad, so we decided to take it somewhere else because we're getting kind of nervous because there's all these kids wiping their hands off. I love how the baby, after it finds money, it's still in front of you guys.

It starts crying at the same time. And then starts wiping its face with the dollar bill and so the the we decided to move because we didn't want to get in trouble because we felt bad and so we went to burger king and same thing this old man wearing a camo uh thing and his little like little one like once goes to pick it up and the guy likes like take like it was like no stop and then he goes and picks it up and then puts it down and then kicks it into a puddle of water. Then he turns around and he only had

one arm. He was a Vietnam vet. Oh, wow. So we decided to stop and we didn't record anymore. We were just like, this is not meant to be. One arm. Oh my god. The Comic Con though, the amount of Asians was out of control.

But there got to too many parts where you couldn't move. You had to stand like this and you just kind of got stuck because people were like, oh, vampire diaries and shit. Where there's one point where this girl was dressed up as Finn from Adventure Time with the really short shorts. And Finn, by the way, is a boy character in a kid's cartoon.

But as an Asian, a tall Asian wearing it, it's fucking hot as hell. It's like a tranny somehow or something it's badass but she's like stuck next to me and my hand was just like constantly like touching her like leg part or some kind of skin right there and i'm just like wow this is awesome i'm like going like this and it's suddenly this big fat guy in front of me wearing nothing except a speedo it wasn't a real costume he just like was like like i could wear speedo and so like he kept on like a real costume. He just was like, I could wear a Speedo. He kept on backing up. That was his thing.

He just was there to get in these parts of crowds where you can just touch other people. I think that's what his costume was, crazy pervert. Then somebody brushed my dick and I thought it was the Asian and I looked over and it was Wolverine. Oh, wow.

Well, I mean, if Wolverine's going to brush your dick, it's good that you made it out safely. Comic-Con, by the way, best party ever. Fuck AVN, fuck all this other stuff. Comic-Con, Potter Girls, just amazing. Amazing. I still haven't made it there, but I bet it's just filled with adorable little Asian girls

just covering up their mouths and giggling. Oh, yeah. A lot of it. Like, I just picture this, like, hee-hee, ho-ho, hee-hee, and just tons of cameras and flashes and Asians and chicks. There's a lot of Iron Patriot-type people, like, in crazy costumes. Were you in a Chewbacca costume or something? I saw you in something brown and furry.

Oh, no, no, that's my... I bought a new bathrobe, a Chewbacca bathrobe. Oh, okay. That was cute. One of the cooler things I saw on Reddit yesterday was that Brian Cranston from Breaking Bad, one of my favorite shows. I don't know if you guys saw this, but look it up. It's hilarious.

He wore a Heisenberg mask and was walking around all of Comic-Con dressed as Heisenberg. I mean, it looks exactly like Heisenberg, but it's, I guess, a mask you could buy. And so then... Who's Heisenberg? Oh, it's him. It's his character in Breaking Bad. Right. So he's wearing his own mask, right?

But he's totally mingled with all these people. He was walking around wearing it the whole time. And then they're doing the panel. They call him up. He comes out of the crowd dressed like that. He takes off the mask, and it looks exactly like him. Wow. The place goes was is it on video that guy's so fucking cool in real life yeah and just and professionally more and more i find out about this brian cranson guy you know

the agility you have to have to be able to play that fucking guy in breaking bad and the dad from malcolm in the middle That's fucking craziness. Like, there's a lot of great actors, but they're not, like, you think of De Niro, but it's always De Niro, and you think of Walken, but he's always playing Walken. There's actors that just play the same roles. I mean, sure, they're great roles,

but that's agility. This fucking guy's intense. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the return of that. We're sponsored by Hornblasters and Breaking Bad, by the way. Well, I'm excited about tonight's guests and I'm very excited to bring them up and get this party started in no particular order. The first guy I'll bring up,

I've known him for years. We are back-of-the-room assassins together late at night. This is a real comedy warrior. He does tons of spots. He opens up for Rob Schneider. He tours the country. One of my funniest friends for more than six years. Put your hands together for my pal, Earl Stakehold, everybody. Big Earl. Fuck yeah. And also another amazing stand-up comedian. This guy caught my attention when he came on the scene a few years ago,

just being absolutely hilarious. And one of the things that blew my mind about him was that he was always doing a different set completely. He wrote more new material constantly. I couldn't believe it. I thought only I was noticing. Every time I hosted, it would be a different three minutes. Soon that became my intro for him, and we became great friends. I think

he's the future of Saturday Night Live and one of the best impressionists I know and another one of my funniest friends. It is Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. This is exciting because you guys come from two totally different spectrums of comedy, in my opinion.

What Earl has in a dark, evil, fun, joke style, ground and just beat him with jokes and change directions and just crushing, change directions and just crushing with standing there and being just like a, almost like a statue. Jeremiah is flying around the stage being just a goofball. So I'm excited about this chemistry to have you two guys on a couple of my funnier friends. No mercy. No mercy.

Fuck yeah. Earl, how long have you been doing stand-up? 13 years. Wow. In the jungles. Wow. And Jeremiah? I've been doing stand-up for about four years and improv for seven years. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, you're like big in the

improv world, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still like to keep up with my improv. I did the Second City program, done some classes at Groundlings, and yeah, I still perform. I try to perform at least a handful of times a month, yeah. Yeah. I've seen both of their asses before.

Really? Oh, yeah, Red Band definitely has. You've seen my ass. Oh, jeez. I do a great Buffalo Bill impression. It's one of the funnier things that happens late night here sometimes. Like I said, Earl, our friendship usually is based from one in the morning and later. For the last, I mean, over six years.

You were here when I got here. And we've always been late-night dwellers. We've always played in the band together with Don Barris, which we used to do a lot more often a couple years ago, where we just play airplay, basically, music for hours and hours. Oh, yeah. We had a couple shows that went until like 4 or 5 in the morning, back in the day.

Hell, yeah. Hell yeah. Big time. Sometimes we would watch the sun come up. That's not all that came up. There's some crazy stuff that happens here late at night. I highly recommend it. Yeah, that's one of my favorite things when you come out.

That really makes my day. One of the funnier things, especially if there's a comedian on stage that we know that's just doing terribly, that's always the best case scenario for this. He goes behind the black curtain. Back here. So the comedian can't see. Right.

And then comes out completely... With his dick tucked between his legs. Like an angel. And just slowly scoots up behind the... And what's great is the person who's on stage thinks that they're getting this gigantic laugh from their material. Because he'll wait usually until it's a perfect time. And the place just erupts. Because the person's like, oh, thank you.

Oh, you like that one, huh? And that's the part where everybody really starts dying of laughter. Because they don't realize that we're laughing at the naked guy behind them. Well, the best was one night I knew this guy's punchlines so every time it was coming I would whip out my dick. So he's killing.

I mean, just standing. Oh, next night he does the same set to nothing and he comes up to me after. He's like, Earl, I don't know what happened. Last night I killed with the same jokes

because my dick wasn't behind you. Ah. Oh, it's fucking awesome. I'm just trying to help out. I love it. And Jeremiah, I'm, uh, what I love about Jeremiah is I just cannot picture a world where

Saturday Night Live exists in a few years without you. Oh, thanks, Tony. I appreciate that. I don't know how many of you know him, but his impressions are unbelievable. You guys know Jeremiah? Yeah. There you go. Unbelievable.

Hilarious. Always original characters, always fun. Patriot, what do you know about these two guys? I went on the Internet. I looked at all the impressions you did. I noticed one of them was Justin Bieber. One was Justin Timberlake. Yeah, yeah.

And you're very skilled and diverse. Thank you, Iron Patriot. I appreciate that. I love how you picked two guys with the same name and pop stars. My dad is in the Iron Patriot suit tonight. Oh, nice. It's Mr. Watkins. Yes.

The truth is out. That would be so weird if that was true. Oh, nice. It's Mr. Watkins. Yes. The truth is out. That would be so weird if that was true. He's my dad the whole time. Or if it's actually somebody we really know. Oh, that would be... Actually, I've never seen his face.

And I've... How many? Seven episodes with you? Six episodes? If people want to see me, they can go to my Facebook on Twitter. I have a link to shows

where I look like. Why is the microphone at your dick, though? It comes out of my chest. The sound comes out best comes out that way. I bet it does. Yes.

Fuck yeah, man. Yeah, I'm a very complex creature. I'm sure you are. Iron Patriot, have you used Tinder yet? What's Tinder? It's this application

where it shows a girl and you can either like it or hate her. You go through her photos and if you like it, it puts it in this pile. If she looks at it and likes your picture, then it makes a chat room so you can talk to that person. Wow.

One of my new things that me and Benji started doing over the weekend is figuring out that all you do is you just like every single girl because it ups your chances. So we're now addicted to it. And I'm averaging about 5,000 per hour. By the way, what this means is now the entire time that Brian's out at night, by the way, and we're all hanging, and there's a chance where if she was right in front of him, he could meet a great girl, he's too busy staring at his phone,

pushing this button all the time, waiting for some Tinder whore to come find him. I mean, you're not going to find a 10 on Tinder, bro. Oh, you don't even know. I've actually found most of the girls I know on here already. How long has this app been out? Like six months or so. I don't know, a year.

It's in beta, bro. You've got to get ahead of the curve. This guy I met said that he's been on almost 30 dates with girls from Tinder, and he's hooked up with almost 90% of them. Oh, my God. That's pretty good numbers. That is good numbers. But if you want the real whores, you've got to go on Backpage.

I know, and then cross-reference it on the erotic review. I know. And fling.com, too. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Well, what do you guys say we get this party started yeah as always we have a ton of comedians that have signed up

I think we set a record tonight comedians come up and they do one minute each at 60 seconds they are made aware of running over their time by the famous cat meow. And if they go over and they won't stop, they might get the West Hollywood bear. That's right.

Starts off soft with a little kitty meow, but if you go too far over. And whatever you do, you don't want to have to make the Patriot make his famous noise when people miss their spot, they get blacklisted. So there you go. Any of these things could happen at any given moment. You never know what's going to happen. We have a huge bucket of comedians

tonight. I'm so excited. The energy in this room is great. You guys ready to get this thing started? Hello! Fuck yeah. Hello! Alright, well, I pull out of the bucket. Lucky number one, David Liu. Talking about racism.

Holy shit. Oh, David Liu. Blacklisted. No respect. David Liu. Blacklisted. No respect. No respect. David Liu, everybody. Oh! Hey! I knew he was there.

What's up? What's going on, guys? Did you just go? What? You got it. All right. You guys like racism? I like racism.

Yeah. I just don't like how quickly people get offended when it's not something that's bad. My white friend was like, hey, David, you look like that guy from Fast and the Furious. I was like, that's not bad. Which one? And he was like, all of them. And then it kind of bothered me. I was like, all right, blanket racism kind of hurts when you lump us all together. But I didn't know that was something that only bothered small minorities.

It doesn't bother white people for some reason. Every time I've tried it, I'm like, all you you white people look alike You guys just look at each other like Well that's fucking impossible I don't know what this Chinaman's talking about You don't have to be a different race to be racist So it can be anybody My girlfriend's also Asian But she's a different kind

I'm Chinese, she's Korean We get along fine, but the parents are kind of weird Like whenever I go over to her house It's always awkward because her dad doesn't speak English and I don't speak gook, so we're just looking at each other like, I don't know what you're trying to tell me, sir. Relax, guys. I looked it up.

That's the right one. Thanks. Fuck yeah. That was awesome. I love the timing on that. He did a little head turn and the cat meowed. It's like he knew exactly what 60 seconds was. I know. You figured that out. You've been timing on that. He did a little head turn and the cat meowed. It's like he knew exactly what 60 seconds was. I know. You figured that out. You've been working on that timing. Fuck yeah.

It's incredible. Fuck yeah. Racism is always funny. And you're Asian, so you get to talk about... Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, everybody hates us. That's funny. Does your girlfriend have any friends? Yeah, she has a couple of friends.

Cool. Do they have big tits? No, they're all Asian tits. Earl's so sad. She has a few with implants, though. Oh. Koreans love implants. I don't know if you guys know that.

Dr. Fisher, Cannon Drive. Are they single? Are they what? Are they single? No way. There's a rich Asian doctor that buys the implants. Yeah, that's true. They're not getting those from their shifts

over at spa day or whatever the fuck. If they're traditional Koreans, their parents will pay for it. If they think their kids are ugly, they'll pay for that shit. Wow. Do they work at any of the rub and squirt parlors? I'll look through her cell phone later on tonight. I'll let you know.

Just let me know. What kind of Asian are you? I'm Chinese. Yeah, the powerful one. You're going to be the guy that we all go to when they invade. Like, please tell your fucking people to chill out, David. I'm from Taiwan, though, so they don't like us either. China doesn't like Taiwan either.

So you make good baseball mats. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Do you know how to get a green card for, or I mean a Visa card for a Filipino or smuggle out a Filipino? He's asking for a friend. Yeah, for a friend. I mean, I could research it,

but no, I don't have one. And have you ever known another Chinese person? Have you ever known anybody that actually has worked at a rub and tug? No. You can add all these questions that we're asking you to your racism bit, by the way. Yeah, yeah. You been here before? You cop?

You cop? Earl's having flashbacks right now to last week wait last week how about Saturday what's your membership number no no they check for a tan line

on your sock in case you're a bicycle cop is that true yeah get the fuck out of here that's real I could ride a Zagat's guy to massage parlors

oh I might need your help. Fuck yeah. David, that's all really funny shit. Keep doing your thing, man. That's awesome. That's at Lou Dave on Twitter. L-I-U Dave. Talking about racism.

Awesome. One for one. I love it. Your next comedian, Josh Martin, everybody. A.K.A. the worst producer of any podcast ever. He's one of the producers of the Kill Tony podcast. He sets things up terribly, and he does a mic check, and he has a speech impediment.

Josh Martin, everybody. That's me, guys. Guys, I finally live I finally have an apartment to sleep in which is great I used to sleep in my car it's great I love my new place hate my roommate though

he takes a lot of dick pills like a crazy amount of dick pills like I went to him like why do you take so many dick pills? Because it gives me confidence in the bedroom. I know I don't need dick pills. Because you don't need confidence in the bedroom

and an air mattress in the living room. It's not needed. I'm just going to eat this sandwich like a goddamn man. I'm actually lying about everything I just said. I don't have an air mattress. It's just my back seat in my living room. I took it out of my car.

It's great. Yeah, that's all. There he is, his 60-second suicide note, everybody. Jeremiah. I think a way to improve this joke a thousand percent is if you change dick to wiener. I think that will drastically improve the joke.

My friend takes a lot of wiener pills. A lot of wiener pills. Oh, yeah. Amazing. There you go. Definitely. No fucking doubt about it. That's amazing.

On the topic underneath this sign-up sheet, it says dick pills. Next time I see it, it better be W-E-E-N-A-H, Weena pills. Weena. Now, did you do that same bit last week? Yes. Oh, Jesus. Really? Yeah. I, Jesus. Really? Yeah.

I took the changes I made and did it. All right, well, you're on two-week probation. Two-week probation? Yeah. That's ridiculous. There's tons of comedians here trying to get up. You're the one that puts the names in the bucket. How many fucking Josh Martins can there be? This thing's filled.

I just picked you. There's only one. All right. There he goes, everybody. Josh Martin. It's not going to thing's filled. I just picked you. There's only one. All right. There he goes, everybody. Josh Martin. It's not going to get better than the Wiener pills. Yeah. There's no punch-up we can do to that.

That's it. There's nothing wrong with taking dick pills, either. He's great. That's my little tiny pal, Josh Martin, at JoshMartinComic on Twitter. I'm just surprised he just did the same joke. He just wasted. I know.

It makes no sense whatsoever. One minute, man. You could do a new joke. Talk about rape or something. I didn't even think of it that way. It's just the fact that he's trying to work out that specific 60 seconds.

I was just wondering why you would want the people that listen to it this I think he's doing it as like a press thing so that you can have a bunch of people just tweet and I'm like what a fucking idiot two weeks in a row dumbass you're gonna get a lot of that

I thought about it and it just seemed like a big tent you should do a Schwarzenegger impression that'd be killer for me fuck yeah be killer for me. Fuck yeah. Be killer, all right. Anyway, your next comedian, who I just pulled out of the bucket, I believe that says Melissa Shoshahi.

Yeah. Fresh out of the potty. Look at that. That bathroom door swung open. I love it. What's up, guys? Hey, sexy. Alright, starting. Hey everybody. So I'm seeing a guy right now that I met off Tinder, right? He is so hot. He is so hot that you almost forget he doesn't have a car. You know?

And I get so mad at myself because like I'm stuck in traffic, like trying to pick a scrub bus up and I'm like so mad at myself. You know, I'm like, oh my god, I cannot believe I'm putting myself in this situation. I cannot believe it. And I see him at the bus stop and I'm like, oh my god, get in. Get in. Now you are hot.

But here's the thing. Because he doesn't have a car, like he doesn't have a job. Because I pick winners. And like I asked him the other day, I was like, so what did you do? He's like, yeah, I had a meeting. Like meeting of the minds. Like, okay, what else did you do he's like yeah I sent out an email like you just sent out an email of something productive that you've done today it's just a vicious cycle that I continue to do there it is 60 seconds

fuck yeah I got confused there because you said that you met him on tinder but then what about the bus stop he told you said that you met him on Tinder, but then what about the bus stop? He told you to pick you up. Yeah, he doesn't have a car. Right.

But would you say that you found him at the bus stop? No, no, I picked him up. I picked him up. Oh, so he told you via the Tinder chat that he's at a bus stop. Is that what you're saying? I'm asking you. I'm confused. No, no, no. I was just saying I met him off Tinder.

But at a bus stop because he doesn't have a car. But when you said the bus stop thing, what did you say? How did you say that? What did you say? I go, I get so mad at myself when I see my bus stop. I'm like, oh, my God, get in. That's confusing. Yeah.

Because it sounds like you're talking about two different guys or something. You said, I don't know. Now it's weird. But you say that you met him on Tinder, and then it seems like you're meeting him again at a bus stop. It seems like you're meeting somebody else. Oh, okay. Yeah, I thought you were talking about two different dudes.

Yeah. Oh. It just seems like you're some kind of crazy. I am a little crazy. Whoa. You can see the whites above her eyes. Oh, your feet are exposed. Comic Patriot has a foot fetish.

Does he really? This is the part of the show where I let him judge one of the female comedians' feet. Oh, I did wash it yesterday, so it's the same thing. Oh, there you go. What nationality are you? I'm Persian. Wow. So that washing of the feet thing,

that's like once every few months, right? Anyway, Patriot, what do you think about her feet? Can you see out of it? I would like to make her my Persian princess. There you go. I'll massage your feet her my Persian princess. There you go. I'll massage your feet during a romantic comedy. Heck yeah. And nothing feels better massaging your feet than fiberglass.

How long have you been doing stand-up? Like three years now. Wow. In L.A.? No, Seattle. Oh, okay. How long have you been in L.A.? For a while now, yeah. In L.A.? No, Seattle. Oh, okay. How long have you been in L.A.? For a while now, yeah.

A while being... Well, I've been going back and forth. So I came out here for college, and then I went back to Seattle, and then I got back here again like two years ago. Cool. How fun. What did you study in college? Communications. Really? Yeah, because I didn't

want to be a doctor or a lawyer, and communications was like the easiest thing ever. So what do you, you want to do, wait, alright. That's why Tinder's so much easier. You just have to put... I mean, I've done this like 5,000 times since the show started. I fucking love it.

I like your style. You guys have anything for Melissa? You remind me of a Persian Whitney. No, I'm serious. That's a compliment. She's like the biggest comic in the world, you dumb fucks. Heck yeah. I can see it. You're like Whitney Gibron-y.

It's great. It's awesome. You have the best of both very successful worlds. Okay, thank you guys. Yeah. I don't know if you'll be the face of NBC, but I'm sure Al Jazeera is looking for somebody, and it's going to be great.

That's another Whitney reference, guys. Put your hands together for Melissa. It's at Mel Shashahi. Great job. Good job. Follow her on Twitter at Mel Shashahi. Your purse. I'm pretty sure Hornblaster's just found a new date for the night

How did he end up with our purse? Anyway This guy's a fucking magician He's got the puppy and everything This guy's just fucking chick bait over here He's got a little puppy and a service vest This is a new name I haven't heard before Pick your hands together for Norman Towns

Oh yeah This is a new name I haven't heard before. Put your hands together for Norman Towns. Oh, yeah. I love the inversion of the Price is Right. Fuck yeah. Let's go right now? Yeah. All right, check it. This is some true shit today.

Has anyone ever asked somebody what they do, and they tell them everything but what they do because they're having because i met somebody today i was like yo what do you do he was like oh you know getting it doing it making it you know what i'm saying he's like just still doing it you know success i'm like okay can you put this on an application like what do you do? He's like, yo, you know, just still doing it, just getting it. I got it. You know what I'm saying? That's what it is.

Like, he gave me a business card. Everybody has business cards out here. He gave me a business card of a business card. It said, put your name here. I was like, what the fuck is this? But no, that's how it is, man. It is, really. But I love being in L.A., though, because in L.A., people have more connections

for you than for themselves. The only place in L.A. This dude was like, yeah, I could put you in iRobot, too. I could put you in Tropic Thunder, too. I could put you in everything. But where do you work at? Just a question. I'm like, so do you have the connections, or do I have the connections?

All right, cool. 60 seconds? Fuck yeah. That's some funny shit. How long have you been doing are we going? All right, cool. There you go. 60 seconds. Fuck yeah. That's some funny shit. Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? Probably like eight months. Wow. That's incredible.

That's great. And you're from here in L.A.? Phoenix. Wow. And you started out here. Yeah, I started out here. I started out here. How cool. Yeah, it was just...

Yeah, you have a great charisma, a great cadence, and that's fucking some funny stuff. What was that first part? Oh, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm getting it. I'm doing it. Yeah, that's funny shit, man. Appreciate it.

What do you do? Well, I work at a beach camp right now. I hang out with little kids at a beach camp, and then part-time at Adidas. Fuck, yeah. It's a summer job. That sounds like fun. That's what Sandusky said.

What are you saying? This guy's a pedophile? It's possible. He's funny. No, I'm not. He's likable and funny. That's likable and funny. That's their first personality traits. It's possible. Oh my god. I love it. I want to go to beach camp now.

I was just thinking of how fun that must be. What do you do? Just make sandcastles? Yeah, sandcastles and surf. It's funny. Is it only water? Yeah, it's a lot of rich kids. A lot of rich kids. That's cool.

You could kidnap those kids and make a lot of money. That's hilarious. That's fucking hilarious. You should definitely take that and talk about that. Because what you're doing for that summer job is, what's fun is, you know, only you can talk about that. And there's so much more to that. You know, working at a summer camp and building sandcastles and shit. Like, do you smoke pot? No, I don't smoke that shit.

I know, huh? Well, what's the fun in building sand cans? Because I go to sleep and my face is just like this all the time. Wow. I wish I could get high like everybody else, but I just go to sleep every time. Really? Yeah. I'm going to make a weird face.

I think you're hanging out with boring people, man. Hey, Red Band, he needs sativa because the sativa doesn't stimulate your body. Yeah, that's an upper. You've been only smoking like indica and stuff probably. Yeah, that's probably what it is. By the way, do rich kids, when they make sand castles, is it more like sand homes? I liked it.

I liked it. What? Because they're so rich that that's like what their house looks like. They use up like all the sand. They have guest houses. It's like concrete. Fuck yeah.

I like how sandcastles was the first thing you said when we asked you what you do at this job. No, I said sandcastles and he agreed. Oh, okay. But I just hang out, swim, get in the ocean. That's so fun. Well, there you go. That's a great job. I've never heard a black guy say that before.

Yeah, I know. I just love getting out to the ocean, swimming around. It's almost like you're dropping that as a credit. We're in a swimming pool. You know, man, you know what I like to do? Just swim and shit. Not eat watermelon. You know.

Whoa. Whoa. Well, it's a joke about stereotypes. Anyway. Very good. Earl also has this knack for going, whoa, whoa, whoa, and like starting awkward moments. No, not at all, man. I marched with the blacks.

All right. What's the other part? In the opposite direction. Norman Towns doing this eight fucking months. You're a little killer, dude. Jeremiah, you have anything you want to say to him? Jeremiah's from Kansas, so he doesn't know how to talk to black people.

This is my first black interaction. I thought it was funny, man. That's great. It's fun I thought it was funny, man. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's fun. At Norman Towns on Twitter. At Norman. Appreciate you guys.

Very likable, dude. There you go. Very likable. Extremely. Fuck yeah. Norman Towns. Look out for that guy. He's going to make it. Oh, my God.

This fucking guy. Oh, boy. The face of AIDS. Jesus Christ. He's a to make it. Oh, my God. This fucking guy. Oh, boy. The face of AIDS. Jesus Christ. He's a door guy here. He's also one of the gayest human beings ever. I mean, he'll be the first to tell you how huge of a flaming homosexual this guy is, which I have no problem with unless you're annoyingly gay.

And this is his name. It's Ricky Luna. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Hey, how's it going? So, I'm gay. I'm so gay, my favorite color is

balls. I've been in love one time, and for me, love is like the Holocaust. Never forget, never again again here's the thing it was Thanksgiving and I was with my boyfriend and he looked me square in the face and he said I'm going to get you to stick your fist up my ass I said you're a disgusting pig

two months later and the best thing about fisting is that when your fist is lodged in another person's body you can feel their heart beating and that is so romantic okay that's it fuck it's a lot of interesting shit going on there uh i love the fact that he's telling you he wants to be fisted at Thanksgiving for no reason. That never comes back again. He was playing video games. Wow.

Yeah. This is kind of gross, man. The heartbeat. You can. You can feel it. Yeah, it's really... Oh. Oh, my God.

Do you jack off when you watch Philadelphia? I've never seen that movie. Which way do you... Do you stick it in like this, straight, and then turn it like a... You get it like this, you go like that, and then you curl it under when it's inside. Okay, I think this needs an act on.

For those of you listening, you don't want to be watching. Iron Patriot has something to say. And it's Thanksgiving. That's literally stuffing the turkey. Yams! There you go. Yes!

Yes! Patriot's killing it over there tonight I love it What do you think about the Iron Patriot, Ricky? You're so gay that I want to know if you'd hook up with the Patriot What type of work would you go through? You know, I like furries I like yiffing and all that

And this is kind of like weird cosplay stuff What the fuck is yiffing? Yiffing, dude You don't know what yiffing is? No, I don't. It's like when two furries get together, they don't have sex. Their sex act is called yiffing.

So it's like they pull out their genitals through the flap, but they keep their costumes on and they have sex with each other. So always smell the crotch area of a furry. Yes. I'm so hard right now. Wow. No, yeah'm so hard right now. Wow.

No, yeah, he's very masculine. He looks, those are my favorite colors, red, white, and blue. You mentioned your underwear. Red Bandit, did you see my picture with Bobby Lee? Yes, I did. Yeah, he tricked me. Yeah. You didn't know that was going on, did you?

I didn't know he was going to take his pants down. No. I guess that's not the first time he showed his dick, is it? No. Definitely not. And it won't be the last. My favorite thing about Bobby Lee is he just pulls down his pants and takes a photo

in front of him. I also took a photo, and he goes, don't put that online. I'm like, he just did this in the parking lot outside. He's pulled down his pants on Comedy Central before. I don't understand why

he would not want it on the internet in the parking lot there. I guess proper censoring. Ricky, you're really great. Are you really dirty? Your whole act is completely just... Yeah, I'm trying to get... I'm actually trying to do cleaner stuff, but none of

this today has been very clean. He wants to talk about cleaner stuff, but he also wants to talk about his real life. So those two things sort of conflict. I need to step out of my comfort zone and get into some clean material. Yeah, maybe talk about felching or something. Felching? I don't do that.

I also am pretty dirty and I also, I also, I'm pretty dirty and I have a lot of clubs and audiences that often hate that. Yeah. And, there is ways to like,

still do the same material, I think, but just make it seem a little bit more cuter. Right. Instead of more like, fizzing ass, oh,

ha ha, I just said that. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Right. Because the thing is,

I have a, what you have to do is like, I gave him a little fisty poo. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like. Because the thing is, I have a... All you have to do is like, I gave him a little fisty poo. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, just make it adorable. Okay. Just kidding.

That's not going to work. I love it. That's Ricky Luna at Ricky Luna Live. Ricky! Yeah. There he goes. A lot of comedy store employees

and former employees so far. Oh, yeah. This guy's cool as fuck. Very fun to watch. Young, rising stand-up comedian. Put your hands together for my pal, Teddy Ray. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah.

Hello. That's Teddy Ray Comedy. Funny motherfucker. What's up, y'all? Fucking right. God damn. Funny motherfucker. No. Okay, just checking. All right. Okay. You didn't mention this when you mentioned the minute thing. You didn't mention that I'll be standing next to, like, Hollywood Boulevard's finest. It's not water.

What? What's wrong? Just pretend like he's not there. What are you afraid of? You have a run in with the Iron Man at some point? You have like bad memories? Having flashbacks to your experience with Tony Stark or something? Nah man, it's cool.

I'm good. I'm good. Here he is. Teddy Ray everybody. Put your hands together. Start it over again. Alright, I'm going to get into it. I'm gonna get into it I'm broke I need money I need money cause I need bitches

that's pretty much where I'm going I don't know people think I need like their help with getting bitches and that's not the case thank you I have people come to me and they say aw Teddy I got the perfect girl for you and it's never the perfect girl for me

it's just always a female version of me if nobody else wanted to fuck your cousin what makes you think I do I can really I can do bad all by myself trying to be famous that's something else by myself. Trying to be famous, that's something else. You too? Yeah. All right, for sure.

Trying to be famous. The thing is, I don't know, Hollywood not going to let me because I'm not a sex symbol. To them, to me I am, but they like, nah, we cool. So I got to write these little movies to fit myself, you know what I'm saying? So I'm writing this movie. I don't know if anybody would like to see it, but's called Adorable the untold story of Precious' brother starring me got Don

there you go the big gay bear is out look out that's fucking funny hell yeah couple great fucking jokes there I think a good sign of any performer is when you can already start making people laugh before you...

Like, you technically started him over, but I thought that was part of what he was deciding to do was to not talk for... This was just a weird, awkward moment. I love it. I just get a little concerned for the people that are listening.

Oh, they're just like dead air? Dead air, yeah. If you're asking, yes, it's dead air when you're staring at the patient. He was showing us his dead air. But yeah, that's fucking hilarious, man. How long have you been doing stand-up, Teddy? Three years, officially.

Fuck yeah. I love it. I went up against Teddy in a rap battle. I had to fucking slaughter him. You murdered me, man. Yeah, I'm sorry about that, bro. Bars are too heavy, man. It's like Redman.

Tony with punchlines. So much fun. Best stage presence yet today, I think. I like your stage presence. Oh, yeah. Teddy Ray, you're going to be a fucking star, man. think. I like your stage presence. Oh, yeah. Teddy Ray, you're gonna be a fucking star, man. Yeah. No doubt about it. Thank you, man.

This guy's a wilder beast. Damn, you really got a dog. Heck yeah. What's up, man? Wow. So what else is happening, Teddy? What's going on? Everything good?

Everything's good. People keep congratulating me because I booked Comic View. Oh, look at that. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Well, congratulations. That's so fucking awesome. Yeah.

That is so cool. How long are you going to do on that? Ten minutes. That is great, bro. Look at you. The most niggerous accomplishment I've ever had. Do they still do Showtime at the Apollo? Is that still a thing?

I think they do, but they don't air it. Oh, my God. Like, they set it up. They have the cameras and everything, but they just lie to the people. Wow. Has it gotten that ghetto, or what happened to it? It's just that unimportant at the moment. We got the voice.

America's got talent. Wow, it is crazy now that I think about it, because that was the original of that, but it was just ghetto. That's an accurate word. Instead of there being judges, it was just a fucking crowd that would just go crazy and boo the shit out of you.

Just a bunch of haters. Unbelievable. That's a million times worse, too, than just three fucking douchebag judges, too. They're bringing it back. And then the icing on the cake is they would have somebody come out, the guy with the fucking hook thing or whatever, right? He'll get your ass off stage. Oh my god. Are you saying they're bringing it back or are you talking about Soul Train?

No, they're bringing it back with Carl Weathers and they're going to call it Showtime at Apollo Creed. You haven't gotten to do that joke in a while. It's a debut. It's debuted right now. Really? Yeah, fuck yeah.

I fucking love it. That's great. I love Teddy, though. He's a great dude. Very funny. Thank you, man. Thank you. I appreciate that.

All right, let's keep it moving. That's at Teddy Ray Comedy on Twitter talking about I need money. Teddy Ray. Watch him on Comic View. When's that out, Teddy? Sometime in the fall. Sometime in the fall keep watching BET everybody

yeah keep watching BET and then you'll see it come on it'll be after a 227 episode BET HD is more scary than regular BET by the way oh yeah Jesus Christ

your next comedian's name is Kyle Henson everybody oh yeah pretty sure he's been on here before. Oh, yeah, this guy's a goofball. I've seen him before. There's a real ham and egger here. Oh, God.

There he goes. Oh, God. I'm an awesome uncle. My nephew is like, hey, Kyle, I really want a kitten for my birthday. I'm like, Jason, you can have whatever you want, man. Pick a color. He said, purple. He said, you can have orange.

Remember what I told you about Orange Sherbert? He's like, you're the shit, uncle. But I'm cheap, so in order to save on wrapping, I put the kitten inside of a Spagnuolo at his birthday party. Everyone's mad, upset with me. I'm like, you should be proud of Jason. It's the first time he beat some pussy up. It's okay, I can say, I'm like, you should be proud of Jason. It's the first time he beat some pussy up. It's okay. I can say that.

I'm half black. Thank you guys. I'm Kyle Henson. Whoa. Holy shit. Fuck, yeah. Only doing 35 seconds. Now, you've been on here a few times, right? Yes. Thank you. And I've been nice before, right?

Yeah. Okay. let me tell you what I absolutely hated about what you just did. Do you mind? I ironed my shirt today. Yeah, remember? You better iron that joke. There you go. Isn't your dick hanging out of your jeans right now? What is that going on down there?

Oh my god, what is that? It's a hole in my pants. I bet. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, god. Oh, God. One thing at a time. Fuck yeah. You hanging out with your little nephew with that thing hanging out? Jesus. It's right in his face, too.

It's a shame. Going to the beach camp, are you? What I hated about what you just did is, is it your nephew you're talking about? Yeah. about what you just did is is it starts is it your nephew you're talking about yeah you that you you did an act out for him and he's saying something that doesn't need an act out whatsoever and it seems like it wasn't real at all so it's just you're just getting people's attention it's the thing that i hate the most about the stand-up comedians that i hate is when they're going like this for no reason like jeremiah does a lot of physical stand-up,

but you don't notice it. It's the same with, like, our pal Jesus Trejo. Yeah, yeah, he's great, dude. Another unbelievable guy that moves around a lot. But he moves around a lot. And it's not like, hey, I asked my nephew something, and he's all like, bobbity, bobbity, bobbity, bobbity, because people don't talk like that.

He wouldn't respond to the question like that. I feel like audiences, too, because I do a lot of physical stuff, they will get mad at you if the payoff is not there. For what the joke ended up being, the beating the pussy up, you could technically make it a one-liner almost. And I usually don't tell people, like, you don't need the act-out. I'm usually like, oh yeah, act-outs are good, but in this case, you probably don't need to act out, like, the conversation between you and the nephew. Right, because it doesn't seem like any of it's real

all of a sudden. And it's something, you're talking about something so real about talking to your nephew that that should be real, but it seems like you're going, whatever you were doing. The garbage that I hate. Oh, shit. Anyway, I've been nice before, and tonight's not one of those nights. Whatever you were doing. The garbage that I hate. Anyway, I've been nice before. And tonight's not one of those nights.

You wrinkled your shirt and you wore the worst jeans ever. Got your dick hanging out. What's the deal with not buying a new pair of jeans, man? What's going on in your life? There's just a hole in my pants. What do you mean just a hole in your pants? It's right at the crotch, man. Yeah, it's right where your dong comes out. It looks like there's stuff a hole in my pants. What do you mean, just a hole in your pants? It's right at the crotch, man. Yeah, it's right where your dong comes out. It looks like there's

stuff hanging from your crotch. I'll get some new pants, man. I ironed my shirt one thing at a time. You say it like there's not a hole in your crotch. You're responding to me like, oh, there's a ketchup stain near the ankle of that. That would be like, alright, man, in a few weeks I'll get some more. No, that's an epic

situation you're dealing with right there. It's not good. It's comedy, not the fucking AVN Awards. Yeah. So get some new fucking jeans. Kyle Henson, everybody. Thank you, guys. It's been on the show.

I don't know how his name gets pulled all the time. Oh, look at this. Isn't that supposed to be like on a – Put your hands together for Derek Gruber, everybody. Yeah, Gruber. Really, Derek Gruber? Interesting. Oh, my God, that's unbelievable.

That was Eric Gruber. There's a Derek Gruber and a Derek Gruber. Wow. Holy shit. Minds are blown. Okay, everybody, I just saw my first C-rated restaurant in L.A., right? There's a grading system, A, B, and C, right? And the more health violations you get,

the worse the grade, right? But when I got closer to it and wiped the vomit off it, it was actually a fucking G. It was a fucking G-rated restaurant. But it was weird. You would never guess it by the name of the restaurant. You know, the restaurant's name was called Arm Pit Cafe. Well, I didn't

like it either. It was just a test. It was just a test. You guys pass with flying colors. That's it. I'm done. Is anything less than 22 more seconds? The grading system

for these restaurants, A, B, C. A is excellent. B is good. C is, eh, the cockroaches. There's no cockroaches in here. You probably should have stopped. Son of a bitch. Thank you. Oh, my God.

How long have you been doing comedy? Since February. You've got to talk into the mic. February. Oh, okay. Yeah, there you go. Then you should be talking about G-rated restaurants and fucking – that all makes sense. I mean, at least you're trying to stay in the same subject.

At least you're trying to grind out something about the lettering system, which isn't the – I mean, that's a premise that's used enough to where if you're going to go for it i mean it really has to be something like holy shit that's hilarious not after it doesn't go well you go i didn't like it either you know that's not or else that's just going to be the permanent punch line to the joke yeah um should i stay away from that like that altogether like because you know places sell food and shit. Unless you're going to write a funnier punchline, I would stay away from it.

There's something adorable about the fact that you followed through and you went with the armpit cafe there at the end, but adorable and funny are two different things. Big Earl, what do you think about Derek Gruber?

I can't believe there's two Grubers. Right? I know, man. That's crazy. Derek and Eric. You guys should hit the road as a duo act. Heck yeah. No, you know, two months in, man, or whatever it is, five months in, just keep at it.

Stay in the pocket, you know. No, you know, if a joke's not doing well just fuck it finish it anyway and work on it later yeah what are you laughing at yeah yeah there's a lot of jokes that i went back to and rewrote because i thought of you know new things new ways to do it and like there's a couple jokes my accent that were some of the first jokes i ever wrote and they're just now long stories because what i did is i was just trying to get the funny out of something that really happened and tried to do a one-liner instead of doing what actually happened in real life,

which is, I guess, funnier. It's easier and funnier to say, you know, as true as possible. Like, we all know there's not a G on a restaurant. Everyone knows that. So when you say G, we automatically go, well, you know, this is definitely not real. Here comes the misdirect. Yeah.

I thought it was going to be like Snoop Dogg walked out and you're like, oh, this is for the G's. But luckily you didn't go there either. But I was afraid for you for a moment, but you went another terrible direction. Just be confident.

Totally, totally. You're already in the... I mean, the guy before you was saying the same type of stuff, and he was just moving around and bibbly-bobbling, so at least you're not doing that. And you don't have a hole in your jeans. That's true. That's very true. There you go.

Derek Gruber. Gruber, good job, dude. Trying to keep flying through this. So many people. So little time. Put your hands together for Keith Sewell. Wow, fan favorite. Folks, I know like every black comic is talking about racism,

but I grew up in Florida, so that Trayvon Martin case hit close. So after the verdict, one of my other Floridians, and he was like, man, I hate white people. Man, I can't believe they did this shit, man. We need to go back to Africa. I was like, hold up. I think you need to eat this. And he's like, what is it? And I was like, it's a Snickers because every time you get hungry, you turn into Malcolm X. Then he ate it and turned back into a white person. I was like, I got enough time I need help with wording of that

I don't feel like it's worded right alright Keith Sewell everybody first of all that's funny yeah it's definitely funny and I'm pretty sure there's a double joke in there when you said that he's a white guy right

wow yeah I mean it's pretty much there with the genuine There's a double joke in there when you said that he's a white guy, right? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty much there. The genuine note that I would give, if writing it properly is exactly what you're asking for, would be you have to figure out a way to let the first part breathe about the Snickers thing, or about the Malcolm X Snickers thing, and then the white guy thing. Emphasize it, too, because you kind of just said it under your breath. Yeah, and it's very, very funny. And what happened was it got like a double laugh within a laugh.

But first you could have gotten a bigger laugh without the double laugh on the first part had you just landed it without bringing it. I'm saying there needs to be space before that tag because the tag is just as funny as the punchline if it's said confidently. But on that, it was just, you have the ordering right. The wording is correct. It's pacing, actually,

that would be the note on the end part of that. Really let it breathe so that they're like, oh yeah, because it's from the Snickers thing. And then he turned back into, you know, that's even, however you want oh, yeah, because it's from the Snickers thing. And then he turned back into, you know, that's even however you want to say it because that's where it gets, like, really down to your voice. But, you know, just pacing is critical. Right, Earl?

Yeah, it would just be like Gruber, you know, be more confident and assertive because you seem like a little unsure and the crowd will pick up on that. You have to act like everything you're saying is the word of God. No, not cockily, but you have to act like, hey, this is a great joke. You're going to like it. And it is a funny joke. And definitely, your joke is funnier than you are confident.

So when you bring those two things together, it's going to be great. Fuck yeah. There you go. I love it. We're flying through them. That's Keith Stoll. You're not on Twitter, huh, Keith?

Oh, I know this guy. This was one of my favorite guests I've ever had on. He was from two weeks ago with Sam Tripoli. I'm really excited to have him back. Put your hands together for Ari Maness, everybody. Oh, yeah. Maness. There you go. That's at Ari Man Put your hands together for Ari Maness, everybody. Oh, yeah. Maness.

At Ari Maness. Maness. Ari Maness. The praying Maness. Guys, I don't think I'm racist, but sometimes I feel like part of me is a little racist. I went on a date with this beautiful black girl. She was so hot, we connected spiritually.

We did. Towards the end of the date, I kissed her on the lips hard. But my penis would just not get up. And I was like, damn it, dick, why are you so ignorant? I bet if her name was Samantha, you'd get up. As soon as you smelled cocoa butter, you went limp, you ignorant dick. That was it, actually. Holy shit.

I love that people talk shit. Like, you only give the comedian 60 seconds, bro. I know what my response is from now on. They only want to do 25 seconds, bro. That's all they really want. Half a minute joke. Yeah, I should have... What the fuck, Ari?

You do so much stand-up, you could have easily thrown in another zinger right there. I could, but I didn't want to time it wrong, so I would go over the minute. You need a little pep talk from the comic patriot. Comic patriot, why don't you give him something deep to think about? Yeah, I think he was overthinking it

about worrying about that next joke. Red Band isn't that hardcore. He lets it go a little over 60. I should have been. It's pretty hardcore. I watch him with the timer. That cat meows at 60, Patriot. I don't know what you think is going on.

There's a couple times where if I could hear it's about to, then I'll let it go over a couple. But then you've got to throw in the bear roar after that anyway. Yeah, if you go into Trixie territory, it'll stop you. I was looking for something deep, one of your deep marijuana thoughts. Do you have anything for Ari on that, Patriot? Just keep smoking the doobie and keep drinking.

No, I'm talking like Jesus Christ, Patriot. What do I need, cue cards over there for you? Say one of your philosophical sayings. We're all at the center of our own universe. The consciousness is showing us what we want to see. I guess I checked in with you at the wrong time. Hey, Ari,

I think it was last episode of the episode before you were talking about that date that went wrong. Have you contacted her again and tried to do a new date with her? Right, to catch you guys up real quick, Ari went on this date. Wait, what was the original thing? I went on a date

and we just hung out. Super hot chick, playboy chick. She wanted to hang out. He's like, all right, cool, let's

hang out. What do you say we smoke some pot and hang out at your place and watch something on TV? Basically, they were both asleep in no

time. And he blew it. The second date, he took her rock climbing, which is only something he's good time. And he blew it. The second date, he took her rock climbing, which is only something he's good at. And he took her there because he wanted to look cool. Yeah, I was the one that got to the bottom of that.

He was trying to impress her because he's very good at rock climbing. There you go, Patriot. No need to redeem yourself. It's all good. I've tried hitting her up a few times, and she kind of gave me the friendly, busy a night. I bet she's busy. Probably pounding some black dudes.

Yeah. Right. Holy shit. Let's turn this into a race. This hell yes came out of nowhere. So on to the next woman for me. No, don't give up. Keep that on the back burner.

Throw her a couple texts every other day. Like, hi, what's up? Send her a picture of a dog. If she doesn't respond, just keep doing it. Every minute. Why aren't you responding? I'm worried about you. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't be afraid to... That's how I do it. Don't be afraid to follow a black guy in bed. I mean, you have one of those stereotypically huge Jewish penises, right? I got it. It's circumcised. It's ready to go. There you go.

Fuck yeah. Ari Maness, everybody. I forget what he talked about. I'm just so excited to find out more about that other thing. It's so fun. Flying through them. Put your hands together for Mike Durgin. McCall. McCall.

Yo, that nigga Ari Maness was hilarious. Whoa. Yikes. For you guys that don't know, I am East Indian. I'm sorry about that. I did get that joke approved by the black audience this evening. But I will say, no, I'm just joking around with you guys. But no, I'll say, you know, with a hood on my head, I look like Trayvon Martin.

I'm with you guys. This whole trial has got me going crazy. I can't believe it. I'm an elite class of Indian called Black Indian. Came from Trinidad and Tobago. Raised in Miami, Florida. What I will say is that it's fun being up here, you know. Like, I got to say that being out in L.A., it's crazy.

So many people put you on the stage to be Indian. They want you to be Indian. That's what they want. The other day I got asked to be on set for Arrested Development. They're like, hey, we want to put you on set. They want you to be Indian. That's what they want. The other day, I got asked to be on set for Arrested Development. They were like, hey, we want to put you on set. We want you to be a part of the crew. We want you to be an Indian goat herder. I was like, all right, whatever.

I'll give it a try. I walked on the set, and there was a bunch of other Indians. They came up to me, and they said, oh, my God, I can't believe it. I can't believe you started the show today. You're an Indian guy on the show. What is your name? My name is Bunga Chugga. I was like, what are you talking about? My name is Michael. They're like, what on show. What is your name? My name is I was like, what are you talking about? My name is Michael. Like, what? Michael? What is your name?

Michael Ford. Don't you realize you're Indian? I was like, you don't realize. You already got the bear. You got the bear. Settle down. The bear very angry right now. Sounds like me coming. Yeah, blacklisted. Wow. I feel like there was a You got blacklisted. Wow.

I feel like there was a lot of things wrong. I had to do it. With that said... That's my favorite thing when the nice guy on my panel, you get to see good cop turn into bad cop once in a while. That's one of those moments. I've held back a little bit throughout this podcast, but I'm going to have to let it go. I feel like he's about to slice his head off with this fake sword.

No mercy. You came off very not likable. Right. What was the opening line again? I believe he used the N-word. The N-word, which I'm against. You said the N-word? I believe he used the N word Which I'm against You said the N word? Yeah, he said the N word

You better apologize Aziz, I'm sorry Yes, yes There you go. Oh, wow. Frick. Winning room. I've been waiting seven years to use that reference.

I felt like the just joke pacing was really off, if there was jokes in there. It was very in there. It was very rapid fire. I've never developed a one minute set yet. I was just doing it to have fun up here. Oh, wow. So you don't do stand-up? I do.

Wait, what was that? What do you mean you haven't developed a one minute set? When you started stand-up, did you go after a one minute set? Was that your idea? Was that it? Yeah. Before you have a two-minute set, you start with a one-minute set.

I started with a three-minute set, and I work up from there. Actually, I just did the NBC Showcase. It was the first time I've ever tried to do a minute set. It was fucking nuts hard. I would never do it again. For the six comedians in the room that just started killing themselves please stop the diversity showcase it's something else

oh my god wow you were on that thing I think like that's enough information to finally end that show once and for all like hey this guy showcased for this NBC diversity showcase cancelled permanently yeah I mean that was really terrible no I'm kidding I showcased for this. NBC diversity showcase canceled permanently.

Yeah, I mean, that was really terrible. No, I'm kidding. I mean, I feel like any time you use the N-word, you just kind of have a bad set coming. You don't have a chance. It's very rare that you can use... And even the The stereotypical Accent thing I see a lot of foreign comics

Do that And I would If you have to use it, use it But I would steer clear from that Absolutely You have no business saying that word I want to be that comic that breaks that rule one day. Well, you broke it.

Successfully. We all want to be that comic, but it's not going to happen. Right. You've got to scan the room. You realize there's like 20 big black comics in the room. Big buff, yeah. The comedian that utters that word successfully will never in his life have ended up saying,

I don't have a one-minute set developed. Those two things, it's a different person. And you called the Jewish guy the N-word. I don't get that. What did you exactly say again? Because I missed it even when you repeated it. I'm going to make you say it again. See if this is the one where Norman Towns kills you.

No, I'm kidding. Say the E-R, Andy, not the G-G-A. Right. Be very careful. Hey, I'm not saying it. No, I know. Say it again. I said that nigga Ari Manning is a spot.

Oh, my God. Patriot, did you just realize what's going on? Is that Michael Richards underneath that thing? Yeah. Did the brothers give him a pass because he's so dark? Not at all. Oh! What about, hey, let me ask you.

Remember when I did that rap a couple weeks ago? And I said the N-word? Do I get a pass because it was in the lyrics? Yeah! And people don't know if I'm black or white anyway because I'm a doctor. Right. Oh, we know you're white as fuck, first of all.

There's no doubt about that. People don't know whether I'm black or white. That comedian asked me tonight if I was black. That one black guy that was up here, he asked me. Jesus. There were a few black guys up here tonight. The one black guy that was up here, he asked me. Jesus.

There were a few black guys up here tonight. Yeah, I mean. The one black guy? The guy with the cool texture to his skin. Jesus. Wow. A whole other level of creepy. Wow.

This just got real. Holy shit. Dang. Holy shit. Cool texture. What do you think? Do you think he has a drapery appliance? Oh, man. God damn it.

All right, let's just move on. There he goes, everybody. That's Macaulay Mike Durgin. Even his Twitter handle's terrible. At M-M-G-L-O-G-A-L-I you're not ever following him there he goes Mike Durgin

I'll see you on Crenshaw I think we have time for hopefully one or two more before closing it with our classic our two favorite ladies put your hands together for Dean Parach yeah Dean I believe this is Dean walking towards the stage Dean Parach. Yeah, Dean. Dean.

I believe this is Dean walking towards the stage. Slowly. Fuck yeah. Alright, they say LSD one of the negative side effects of doing LSD is that you're going to have an acid flashback. Years later you're going to start tripping out of nowhere. I don't really see how that's a negative. It kind of just sounds like a money saver at this point. I'm not really that good at small

talks. I usually start conversations out with, well, yeah, where the fuck is my money? I wanted to join Match.com, but I'm excited about joining Match.com, especially the Strike Anywhere section that they have. When Jesus had to... There's a river in front of Jesus, and so if he couldn't walk on water, he wouldn't be able to get across it. To get across.

I'm not a heavy drug user. I weigh like 160 pounds. When it's dark at night, I smoke Marlboro Lights. It's hard to get an erection. Ambien is really, really effective. You did this show a couple weeks ago, right? Tell me if I'm right.

I think I gave you the same note then. Did I tell you that you weren't doing anything funny until towards the end? I'm almost positive that that's what... The first ones are funny. I just fucked them up a little bit. Well, let's not overplay that. No, no, no.

He was the one, I'm guessing, that was little bit. Let's not overplay that. No, no, no. He was the one I'm guessing that was holding the microphone really far away from his face. So now you're doing both things at once. And you did that a couple times where at the end of the joke, you'd be like, blah, blah, blah, blah. The important part of the joke.

You're not even selling the joke. You know, you have to... And there's definitely the ones ones I remember from last time. I'm almost positive. I don't remember much about these shows after they happened. But I'm like 95% that the same thing happened then where I'm like, these are not great. And then all of a sudden I'm like,

that's a great little one-liner that I don't think I've heard before. It's kind of like I pick up the rhythm like there's some that are blatantly better than others and no matter what whether you're doing one minute three minute five minute thirty minute you got to start with some bangers man to get people on your side because you have gems hidden

in there that are much better than what you're giving out at the front and it's just old school fundamentals to you know wake to make people like you in the beginning. You've got to memorize it, man. You must be great on Twitter. You must be great on Twitter

because you're really good at the short little bangers. Did you see what my Twitter handle is? I am a Twittard. I'm Twittarded. I'm not on Twitter. I'm not on Twitter. You're not on Twitter? No.

You should be on Twitter. And you should also try to memorize at least a minute of jokes. It's hard, man. You break your momentum when you look down. I feel like after you look down. Right, right. And then you look down.

And I feel like after you say a punchline, I mean, you've got to give the audience the cue that it's the end of the joke. Because you would start to trail off and look back down because you weren't really believing in the joke. So looking down is a big part of it, huh? Yeah, yeah. Whenever you look down, it's like a, yeah. And you're never going to be able to do that on stage anyway, so if you can't do a minute, you might want to just stop. Meaning memorize a minute. It's not that hard to look at jokes

and look at the possibilities of segues and have a reminder somehow to set off some kind of cue for something. I'm going to pull one more. There he goes, Dean Peraccia, everybody. He's not on Twitter. A one-liner comedian, not on Twitter. This guy's not a marketing major at all.

If that Twitter's not taken, I'll make it. Fake it till you take it. There you go. Good one, Earl. All right. I think we only have time for one more from the bucket before we start our always interesting closing segment. So put your hands together for Jared Campbell, everybody.

Jared. Shout out. Marble, don't say nigga no more. That ain't cool. I'm going to say nigga as much as possible just to take advantage of it. He looked like niggas that gave him the okay to. Nigga, you ain't talk to me. What kind of shit was that?

See, now, I play football for the University of Miami. Like, that's the closest you're going to get to being in a gang full of niggas. And it's different because, like, now I'm out here hanging out with all kinds of white people and shit. Like, all the kids I was in school with, I didn't really fuck with. They out here hanging out with all kinds of white people and shit. All the kids I was in school with, I didn't really fuck with, they're out here now, so I need them. And I'm learning white people. I make a good first black friend. If you're trying to get involved with a group of niggas, start with me.

I can ease you into that shit. I'm hood enough to know all the slang, but I'm also white enough to know how to explain it to white people through episodes of Seinfeld. Basically, Elaine is acting ratchet when they go to India and break up a wedding. That's ratchet behavior for you. Elaine dancing, that's twerking. Wow, hilarious. That was great.

How long have you been doing stand-up? About two years. Two years, all here in L.A.? Yeah, about a year and a half in L.A. Wow, man. There's some funny shit going on there. That was really funny. You really know who you are, and you're, like, owning it.

It's incredible. That's really great. I'm a really big fan. Very likable, man. Hell, yeah, totally. And you just own it. I mean, I feel like a lot of the notes today were, you know, own your punchline, own your joke, stay in the pocket, stay confident. I feel like that was the majority of notes.

And, you know, that's what you obviously were just throwing that at 1,000 miles an hour. I mean, you really just were believable. It was easy to believe that you could be hilarious i also like how you address that you used to play football because you're pretty buff dude and sometimes like people like kind of question like things about you on stage it's like the elephant in the room like well how what's why is this dude so big and then you know you address it right away get that out of the way and then you keep moving with the jokes and then people they're settled they don't have it they're tuned into your only your jokes and not you address it right away, get that out of the way, and then you keep moving with the jokes, and then people, they're settled. They're tuned into only your jokes and not you. Fuck yeah.

Where do you do spots at? Where are you? We try to get anywhere possible. Me and a couple of my teammates from the University of Miami, we do a show once a month in Echo Park. So there's a bunch of former Hurricane players that are just doing comedy right now? The fuck is that shit? These dudes just went to school out there and they did

comedy a couple times out there. Wow. How wild is that? What position were you at Miami? Free safety. How long ago did you play? I graduated 2011. Wow. Wait, were you at the game where they played the Buckeyes at Ohio Stadium? I was hurt that game, so I didn't go.

Oh, well, good thing you weren't there or else you would have gotten hurt again. Yeah. Because the Buckeyes beat your ass that day. And I was there. That's right. Just a little shout-out for my Ohioans that are always listening. I-O, motherfuckers. That's right.

It snuck it in on you. You didn't think I was a big college football fan. I'm going to three games this year. One at Ohio Stadium in November. One at Cal in September. And the National Championship whenever the fuck that is. Motherfuckers.

Anyway, you're hilarious, dude. I'm sure I'm going to see you again. That's at Jared Quat's an interesting Twitter handle. Q-U-A-Y. Jared, Q-U-A-Y on Twitter. This guy's the fucking future right there. Did you submit for Comic View?

No, I didn't do it. Holy shit. You better go kill Teddy real quick and get his fucking spot. There he goes. Is that Jared Kwai? Jared Campbell. Funny motherfucker. All right.

Jared Quive. Jared Campbell. Funny motherfucker. All right. Well, this is the part of the show where we talk to two ladies that have been almost completely and utterly originally built out of these walls. Two Kill Tony regulars. Two lovely young rising stars only in the game for a few weeks. Always doing a new minute.

And it's always fun to watch them grow and give them notes and hang out with them and talk to them about what's going on. So going up first, let's put our hands together for these. Ever since episode one, the only female to be on every episode of Kill Tony except for the episode that she missed. Put your hands together for Sarah Mostajabe. the episode that she missed. Put your hands together for Sarah Mostajabi. Holy shit. There she is. What's up, bitches? You know, I'm not really sure

that I'm supposed to be a comedian. I'm, like, still figuring it out. All that I'm supposed to be a comedian I'm like still figuring it out all that I do know is that nothing makes me laugh I overanalyze everything and for some sick reason I need strangers approval so here I am

clearly I want attention right you know I was a really lonely kid. I used to catch bees for fun. And they would sting me a lot. This is how I found out I was a masochist. So it's worked out well as an adult. You know, I actually would really like to get my happiness on track,

but I couldn't find an app for it. Dude, you guys, please. God damn it. Every night at 4.30 in the morning, I download a vibrator app and delete it six minutes later.

Apparently loneliness comes with a plus 10 dexterity boost. She made the bear come. The bear sounds, holy shit. Why is he so angry? It sounded like a different bear. It sounded like Teddy jacking off in the back. Luna's in the back popping a boner.

What was the last thing you said that was funny? Yeah, the beginning part was kind of almost like a narration of the Wonder Years. I grew up in a small field. I always became angry. The beginning part was extremely uncannily unlikable. Slow. Too slow.

You opened up with, I don't have any fun, I don't enjoy this. That was actually that first, I don't know if I'm supposed to be a comedian. That was actually the first joke that I ever wrote. Right. It sounded like it. It's not a joke, by the way. Might be the last one.

The first time that I ever did it, though, it did really well. Because it made it really... Did I miss the punchline? Wait, what's the joke? Where did it, though, it did really well. Because it made it really... Did I miss the punchline? Wait, what's the joke? Where did it do well at? In an open mic. Okay. And I've been trying to rework it to make it funnier.

And perhaps that's why it didn't go over as well tonight. Did I miss the punchline? The punchline is that we kind of all are here for the same kind of reason and that it's like we have this, we overanalyze everything we're pretty nothing makes us laugh and

that we're addicted to strangers approval. The thing with that is that that's just a fact. That's not a joke. Yeah. Stranger's approval feels good. And yeah. Yeah.

That's why rock bands want to be successful. It's why comedians. I mean, it's definitely. Sure. There's a lot of people that are like, I just do it for my artistic integrity. Well, I'd love to see if you're more excited at a sold-out theater with people going crazy. You know what I mean? Everybody is into that part of it.

I like the vibrating app joke. You could add more to it. You could say something like you keep on getting water damage and stuff like that. Maybe go into that more. That was probably the best one because it's actually literally true. Right. Well, it'll always be that way. That's not some mysterious coincidence. That's actually how it works be that way. That's not some mysterious coincidence.

That's actually how it works. I know. That's why I said that. I felt like the beginning was a little bit more sad. I'm extremely like sad girls club. But if this is like your onstage character, the kind of like emo, like depressed type girl, is that like kind of what you're going for? Well, you know, like they said, I've only been doing this for like a month and a half.

Right. So I'm really like, I'm pretty, I feel very comfortable and very strong in front of people. Right. Like that's not like a weak part. But I am still trying to identify really what my presentation of myself should be like. Okay. Because there's so many different facets of who I am. I'll tell you exactly.

A huge note. What? Smiling and seeming likable. You have to spend your first five seconds seeming likable, not like this. Nobody wants to hear some bullshit from somebody that thinks that they're better than them. Match your adorable outfit with your smile. You're sexy as fuck. You're adorable.

But then you're angry up front. Right. You look, you're sexy as fuck, you're adorable, but then you're angry up front. Right. And meanwhile, this entire time after your set, you're smiling and we're talking back and forth because that's actually who you are. Yeah. But you walk up there and you're like. Maybe then I am not that comfortable being myself on stage yet. And that's something I should work on.

Well, that's natural. That takes years. I did like the idea behind the bee joke. I was thinking maybe like the only reason that you... I wrote that entire set while we were doing the podcast. So, okay, you're prepared.

Very fucking busy. Okay, so the idea behind the bee catching joke and being stung, I thought it'd be kind of a funny thing to just like, if you're going to continue with this character, like, I just caught bees because and I wanted them to sting me because

I wanted to feel something. Because I was too young to cut myself? No, no cut yourself references. Yeah. I don't know. That's also, I mean, that's something that I do want to work on because that's also a true story. Like, I really did not have any friends and I would just catch bees.

Boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. We are all that person. I don't understand why you have to act like that. No, it's because it's hilarious. That's why you have to act like that. For being honest. It's because I'm that guy.

Yeah, we're all aware. There you go, I know. Okay. Exactly. Was this what I do. We're all aware. There you go. I know. Okay. Exactly. Thank you. Was this a Tony Robbins seminar? Thank you. We're all that person.

Anyways, yeah. Hey, great job. And smile more. Be likable. Patriot, what's your input on most jobby this week? At Sarah Dresses on Twitter. I like the direction. She got away from talking about how hairy she is, which I think that was a good one.

Which is great. I agree with that. And you moved that vibrator joke up to the beginning, I think today hit. But I like the direction. You were doing some different stuff, and just the only way you get good at something is doing it over and over. There you go.

Patriot, your advice was amazing. There goes Sarah Mostajabic. Sarah Dresses on Twitter, guys. Sarah Dresses, the legend slayer, the king slayer. There she goes. Are you guys ready for our final lady of the night? Always exciting. Power regular and newest full-time resident to Los Angeles.

That's right. She dropped out of fucking college this week, everybody. Put your hands together for Kim Congdon. Oh, yeah. Right into it. How are we doing? Good. Good.

I'm single. So that's going on. Yeah. I'm single. It's going really well. I think I'm the one. I had a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend.

He was so cute. For Halloween, he dressed up as a crab. And I copied him. I had a boyfriend. He was so cute. For Halloween, he dressed up as a crab, and I copied him. I was imitation crab. Oh my gosh, I just went blank. I could try this one. Have you ever met someone, have you ever just met someone, you didn't even have a conversation with them, and you automatically hate their face? I feel like they should have a special term. There's some facial features you just can't forgive.

Like, I don't like big nostrils. It bothers me. I don't like those kind of people. I don't like to be around them. I'm like, I'm racist against some faces. I'm facist. That's what I like to call it.. I'm racist against some faces. I'm facist. That's what I like to call it. That's right.

That is adorable. I see. You might be the most likable comedian. Look at that. See? That's amazing. That's awesome. Yeah, I really dropped out of college, though.

Why'd you do that? Three days ago. To be a comedian. That's cool. That's cool. I had one year left. Oh. You might want to just go back and finish that. It's not happening.

I have one class until I graduate. And that's the dumbest idea because now I won't get my degree because I will never go back to that. But it would be cool to say I had a degree instead of like I just didn't want to take two math classes. Yeah, it's not even math classes. It's like film and acting classes I have left. But I'm here

already. That's one way to look at it. You are here already. I mean, if that's what's holding you back from graduating college, then that's interesting. Well, one year is a long time, though. I'm glad I dropped out when I did. Fuck that shit. Fuck college.

If you stick with it, if you really stick with it and become a comic, you're going to love it, and it's the best job in the world, and you can make a lot of money doing it. It's extremely, extremely full-time. You've got to love it, and you've really got to love it. That's the trick. That's very exciting that you quit school to be a stand-up would you would you say that and i don't know whether to be uh years will tell before i'm

excited about this or not but i'm gonna ask it anyway uh would you say that being on this podcast and starting here influenced you to drop out of college? And do stand-up comedy? Being on this podcast helped, yeah. Okay, there you go. Assist from Tony Angelo. I need you to make it now. Yeah, I know. Really badly.

This is going to be the saddest podcast. He could be a good or bad influence. Yeah, and hopefully it's not like, way to go, Tony, you're responsible for this shit. Right. I'm just coming out crying. I'm living on Skid Row. Awesome work.

Kim Congdon. Hey, what's the Twitter handle you're using now? Kimberly Congdon. Kimberly Congdon. C-O-N-G-D-O-N. Congdon. There you go. There she goes, everybody.

She'll be back next week and every week because guess who's not going back to college? Fuck yeah. As always always an unbelievable time this is my new favorite part of the week i'm so glad you guys made it out earl what do you got going on that uh you want to promote any anything coming up a couple shows with rob schneider oh fuck yeah we're at check his website and uh you know just trying to make it man i'm not gonna check his website but uh, you know, robschneider.com or whatever it is. You don't know what cities you're going to yet? Canadian dates, like Edmonton, Vancouver.

Oh, that's awesome. I love Canada. We were just in Toronto. So much fun. I'm headlining a white power meeting in Simi Valley. Anything else? No, that's about it. That's at Earl Skakel on Twitter, correct?

Yep. Jeremiah? anything else no that's about it that's at earl skakel on twitter correct yep jeremiah uh go to www.jeremiahwatkins.tv there's always uh new sketches new videos i've got a bunch of impressions that kind of stuff up there definitely you're always pushing it so fun to watch and uh stand up on the spot.com i run the improvised stand-up show with jeremiah watkins the second thursday of every month at Rant LA and Tony is a regular of the show. One of the most fun shows. Probably has some of the best buzz amongst comedians out of any show. It's truly improv

meets stand-up and you're right there at the helm hosting them and it's great. Yeah, thank you buddy. And at Jeremiah Stand-Up on Twitter. Yep, at Jeremiah Stand-Up on Twitter. Boom. Thank you guys so much. Brian. Iron Patriot. Yep, at JeremiahStandUp on Twitter. Boom. Thank you guys so much. Brian. Iron Patriot. Iron Patriot at ComicPatriot on Twitter.

Shout out to our pal at JoshMartinComic and Luke Hurl at DudeCityFilms. I'm at TonyHinchcliffe, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Jeremiah is wearing the new Tony Hinchcliffe equation shirt. Those are available at TonyHinchcliffe.com or KillTony.com, which I just bought. Thank you very much. Oh, nice. That's good. We should have done that at the beginning, right?

Yeah. Thanks, Brian, as always. And thank you guys all for coming out. I'm sorry to those of you that didn't get up out of the bucket pool. Come back next week. Hopefully we'll get lucky. And thanks for coming out. Up next, the Ding Dong Show.

Yeah. Donnie Barris. Donnie Barris. Until this day, sometimes I cry He didn't even say goodbye Take the time to lie