KILL TONY - KILL TONY #91

Episode Date: April 6, 2015

Brody Stevens, Mark Ellis, Byron Bowers, Pat Regan, Sara Weinshenk, Kimberly Congdon, Tony Hinchcliffe, Josh Martin, Brian Redban - Date: 02/03/2015 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV. Check out our website, click on Tour Dates, and you'll see that we are in Vancouver 420. Me and Tony Hinchcliffe are bringing Death Squad back to Vancouver on 420. You dirty hippies. And also, May 12th, me and Tony are going to San Francisco, to the San Francisco Punchline. Me and Tony are going to San Francisco, to the San Francisco Punchline. And the following day, May 13th, we'll be in Sacramento at the Punchline in Sacramento. Me and Tony's mini tour starts very soon. So check out DeathSquad.tv.

Click on tour dates. Also, go to ShopSquad.tv. That's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. And you'll see that there's a pre-order right now for Itchy All Over. It's a t-shirt that has a print all over the front and the back, all over the fucking shirt. And we're doing a pre-order right now, so you can pre-order it. And it ships mid to late April, so get on it right now so you can get your size guaranteed. Because you know how it goes.

Shit's limited edition, and once it sells out, it probably isn't going to come back. So get it now, shopsquad.tv. Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com, for all your Tony merch and info and tour dates and vegan recipes I think he's going to put up there pretty soon. He has a nice truffle butter made out of bean and grass. Anyways, here's a brand new episode with good audio for once again. Thank God of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Road Famous Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2.

Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe! What? Holy shit, everybody. Welcome, everyone. Happy Tuesday evening for you. A rare Tuesday edition of Kill Tony. Happy to be preceding the great other comedy store show known as Roast Battle. Happy Tuesday to you all.

Welcome, everybody. How are you guys? This is like a real live show in here. Speaking of live show, you guys that are live here in the audience are part of episode 91, which is basically the first live, live streaming Kill Tony ever. And HD. You guys are double live. There are people around the world that can hear your laughs and your reactions.

So thank you for being here. This is very exciting. We've always wanted it this way, a new sound system, a new streaming live show out of an old historical club like the Comedy Store. And as of right now, it's bumping. I'm looking at it. Yeah, and just to note that there's going to be

two versions of Kill Tony, at least for a while. When you're watching online, the live streaming one, that's just so you guys get a taste. You get your episode the day it comes out. But then we also are going to be releasing a 4K version of Kill Tony with better sound, better video, about a week to two weeks after. So it's going to be a whole different new thing. Higher quality. Higher quality for all you listeners that I got to meet another group this week in Vegas.

Yeah, we have 110 people watching right now. Wow. We are over capacity of the fire hazard of the belly room. And I just tweeted it, so maybe more people will be joining us. So let's do it. It's fun. We have it again. We have one sponsor, one sponsor only.

Her name's Elise Lane. She cooks us a meal every week. She's at the Girl with a Pan on Facebook and Instagram. She's Elise Lane on Twitter. Tonight she made us grilled chicken caprese sandwiches. I had some weird tofu thing. It was good. It's great, except my hands have oil all over them now.

Well, you pretend like that's anything different from your usual creepy self. Guys, it's a live show, and anything could happen. Like, normally we would have cut that beginning part of banter out completely, but no, you saw it. It just happened. We talked about Brian's greasy hands for a second too long. Guys, every week lately we've had a musical guest, and some of you guys that are here in the actual room got to hear him earlier

because he plays while the audience gets sad. He puts on his own little cool concert here, because why not, while people are seating, have a live show already going on? He's one of my favorite artists that I came across in 2014. One of my favorite new musical guests. Put your hands together for the great Pat Reagan, everybody. With a brand new song every week.

Kill Tony exclusive. The musical work of Pat Reagan. Hey, guys. Yeah. The audience, I don't think is very happy to see me, yeah. Uh, they, I, I, I, uh, the audience, I don't think is very happy to see me, Tony. I think they're like, you already did your part on the show. Because as, as Tony was saying, I warmed it up.

Here's a song, though. You guys want to hear a fucked up song? We love you! All right, here's a fucked up song. It goes like this. Uh, the mic's a little hot. Oh, can you, is my guitar on? Uh-oh

josh fuck yeah super live yes super live all right super duper live show oh my gosh uh-oh yeah pleased. Pleased to God. Here's my song. Sorry for the aggression. Walking down the street, it all seems beautiful to me. I stand up straight and seem to walk a little faster. Going to the shop and making talk with Mrs. Locke

You know she's got the happy face of a disaster Yes, and everyone smiles and waves at me And I wave and smile back But there's one thing that they don't know I've got a gun in my backpack I've got a gun in my backpack I've got a gun in my backpack I've got a gun in my backpack, backpack I've got a gun in my backpack

If they only knew they'd probably shit their pants Oh, oh, oh, make a stinky, stinky doo-doo Pie! Oh, oh, oh, but they're unaware of the real circumstance I've got a gun in my backpack A fucking gun in my backpack A fucking gun in my backpack I stole it from a dead man, dead man And now it's in my red backpack

Nobody knows I got a gun in my backpack Nobody sees I got a gun in my backpack I'm walking down the sidewalk with a smile And a gun in my backpack i'm walking down the sidewalk with a smile and a gun in my backpack i love the gun in my backpack an ounce of weed in my backpack backpack of baggages in my backpack Pat Reagan! Thank you. With another brand new song that we've never heard before. Super live, streaming.

He's on Twitter at Patty Reagan. And by his album, Pat Reagan is a piece of shit. Pat Reagan smells like shit. That's available on iTunes and Spotify for free. And check out him and Jeremiah Watkins. You might know him from Thunderpussy. He did a great video for Funny or Die or something like that. It was really great.

Yeah. The drug video. The drug video. Yeah. They're hilarious, and we're very excited about Pat Reagan's new Kill Tony presence. Guys, every single week on this show, we have a head of security. guys every single week on this show we have a head of security uh normally it's a young rising comic coming through the ranks uh who is a you know a head of security for us keeps us safe and asks questions tries to learn with the rest of us uh this week we have our most credited patriot of

all time he's actually a kill tony super regular guest a death squad powerhouse one of the most credited comedians we know and get to work with, one of my very best and funniest friends. Put your hands together for the great Brody Stevens, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Our best patriot ever.

Chelsea Lately, Hangover, Hangover 2, Due Date. Enjoy it on Comedy Central. His own Comedy Central half hour special. You got it. Push and believe. And then present.

Yes. Live in the flesh. You've seen him on everything. Comedy Central. HBO. HBO Go. I'm here. Check, check, two. There he is, live in the flesh. He's our patriot.

I decided to be a part of the first online show. You know, Tony, I have HD also. I finally got HD. You did? Yeah. Heart disease. Oh. You got it.

You did it again. Brody's already on fire. Have a seat. It's great to be playing the role of Iron Patriot when I've worked with Iron Man. Due date, you got it. Robert Downey Jr. Opening scene. Oh yeah, you were in that. Yeah. Thanks for not applauding. How do I want me to sit? What about after the opening scene? What happened after that? I went home.

It was after that. Yeah. Did you come back or anything? No, I was one and done. Oh, okay. I do one scene and I get out. I love it. You know, that's how I do it.

And I'm excited here. Hello, internet. Hello, high definition. I'm excited. Welcome to us stream. You could probably just turn off your little microphone thing. You don't really need to wear it if you're screaming into the microphone. So I'm going to yell that for screaming after I did two hours of professional audience warm-up today in front of 150 people.

That's right. I come in here, and I am up maybe two percentage points than I normally am and I get beat down. You don't do that to me. Brody's got a little bit of a soft side for such a rugged patriot. Yeah. Brody, I'm really excited to have you on. You're talking about your two hours

of crowd warm-up that you did on At Midnight today. Yeah, I've been fired up recently. People don't see the dark underbelly of show business and what it takes to make an Emmy-nominated television show. You got it at midnight. Nothing. Great.

I love it. Well, Brody. I'm excited to see the fresh crop of talent. Yeah. And I'm excited to work with your two guests. Me too. And it's always an honor to be here with Tony Hinchcliffe and Red Band. Let's do it.

That's right. Here we go. Every week we have two. Josh, just unplug that microphone. That's ridiculous. Every week we have two new guests come on. Wait, let's do one thing. Yeah.

You know, I'm here being positive. You know, I'm being a good sport. But let's keep, you know, the headpiece in. I'm doing this. Let's be nice to me. No, no, no, no, no. But the headpiece goes to a speaker that's on your kneecap. Right.

So they can't hear any of that. Why am I doing that? Why is there a speaker on my, you know, I'm not normally the Iron Patriot. I'm Steven Brody Stevens, comedian who doesn't have a fucking microphone on his hip. Whoa. Thank you. I'll bring down the internet. I love this

We might be breaking the internet right now There's a lot of Whoa Go to Radio Shack and spend 10 bucks And get another one Radio Shack went out of business today Brody That thing's now worth like $800 Then get it at SkyMall

Alright Thank you Brody That thing's now worth like $800. Then get it at SkyMall. All right. Thank you, Brody. I'm very excited to have you on. I apologize for my antics. I love it. It's great. It's a live show. Anything can happen.

Guys, our two guests tonight, two of my favorite comedians. You haven't seen them on the show before because this is their first time, but these are two guys that I do comedy with all the time and know that they love it and are going to have a lot of really goofy stuff to say. Put your hands together for two of my favorites. It's Byron Bowers and Mark Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Here they are.

Come on in, gentlemen. Two of my favorite people in the world, Byron Bowers and Mark Ellis. You guys know Stephen Brody Stevens? He's on fire right now. One class thing before we get going. Well, we're already going, but go ahead. Byron gave me a high five. Mark Ellis.

I couldn't see you, Brody. You couldn't see me. There's a light Coming out of my palm There was a light Shining in my eye Because the security guy Isn't doing his job correctly You're coming at me?

It was shining right in my eyes Yeah I could have tripped Brought the whole internet down There you go Unplug the wifi Let's laugh at everything I say And make this a good night

No you know what Brody I've seen this happen before It shows where Brody gets off to a bad foot There's negative energy So right now I want to offer an olive branch I'm going to give you a high five right now Thank you Wow look at this

You could have burned his hand Wow that's amazing That's great for the podcast listeners That got to listen to that high five happen. Well, they saw it, though. No, it's true. They felt it. Guys, we all know Brody. He's on fire right now.

I'm relaxed. I'm good. Every week, our Patriot actually asks the guests a question, not me. So welcome, gentlemen. Good to have you guys on. We're going to have a lot of fun. Patriot, go ahead. All right. Obviously, the Super Bowl was a big thing. Mark, you're a football fan. Yes. Where did you spend your afternoon or early evening watching the Super Bowl?

I watched it for the very first time. I watched the Super Bowl at my apartment. I had people over to my place. I invited friends. I didn't get the Gmail. Yeah, me neither. Yeah, who are these friends, Mark? Yeah, where were you?

I was alone at Buster's and Dave's. It was a very select group of people, Brody, and you tend to, I don't know how to put it, when you watch sports, you tend to get a little too invested, and there's thin walls at the place. You're right, I don't know. I get into it. But there's a hot tub and a gym, and you do thin walls at the place. You're right. I get into it. But there's a hot tub and a gym and you'd do well at my apartment complex. Where do you live? Crunch? And we laugh. This guy's good. Heck yeah he is.

What's your question for Byron? Byron, you're a big car guy. You're a photographer guy. You're a photographer guy. You're into photography. What are you using for your camera these days? Do you use an iPhone or do you get high-end camera equipment? Because he has a great photo blog.

I use iPhone and I try to take pictures at 11 or like 5 p.m. 11 a.m. or 5 p.m. But the sun is perfect. Oh, and no cops out. Yeah, it's all about lighting, you know. Was that a racial joke, Brody? Yes, it was. Welcome to February.

Wow. And we laugh. Let's go. But I live in a gentrified neighborhood, so cops don't really look for black people in my neighborhood. Only Latinos. And I had a black guy at my Super Bowl party, so you're welcome. Wow. That's right.

It wasn't you, but no, it was, you know. Brody, where did you watch the Super Bowl? Alone in my apartment waiting for Mark to invite me. It was a very select guest list. I watched it at home. I had a good time, and I'm excited to be here with Byron. I'm excited to do all this. This is an exciting show, and for me to be

asked to be here, Tony, thank you very much. I'm excited to have you on. Let's do this. I figured since we were live streaming for the first time, why not put a more combustible component together to really blow this thing wide open. You got it. I'll blow it. I went to Carney's.

Jesus. Chili dogs, be with me. That was scary. Brody, just to let you know, the sound actually goes through the side of that mic, not the top. Like, if you try it out, make some noise. Two, one, yes.

Now talk to the top of it. Two, one, yes. Okay, well, if you turn it more to the side, if you go... Josh Martin, can you... what are you doing back here? Josh is watching the live stream from the back of the room. It's one of those R&B single mics where you used to be in that sound. You got to hold the headphones to really feel it. Well, guys, welcome to the show.

This is craziness. This is where a bunch of comedians sign up for the chance to do one minute and then be on a live podcast. We talk to them maybe about their minute. How do I do? Maybe we ask them questions about other things they could talk about. We just get to meet everybody right here. The freshest crop of comedians.

Some are brand new. Some are some experienced guys from around the country. Comedians, you know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. Did you hear that? Listen to how adorable that is. One more time. Let me get some milk for you out here. No, it's just a sound

effect, Brody. Don't get some milk. There's a cat outside. Do you have milk candy? Let's go, guys! Where did you get milk from? I like how Brody always has a saucer of warm milk just in case a kitten shows up. That's not milk.

You got a sex joke to get a reaction. Brody always has a saucer of warm milk just in case a kitten shows up. That's not milk. You got a sex joke to get a reaction. Brody's going dirty. You hear the meow at 60 seconds, but wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Okay. Okay. All right.

There you go. And obviously that was the West Hollywood bear getting out of class at a circus, slowly waking up, and then stepping on some kind of other animal. I'm really excited about tonight's show. Are you guys ready? It's episode 91 live. Double live. Double live.

Internet. Internet, make some noise. Your first comedian tonight goes by the name of Megashia Jackson. Oh, my God. I made it. Oh my god. They picked my name. Why? Because I had eight letters?

What happened? What the fuck? How'd they pick my name? What the fuck is this? One minute. Okay, shit. Well, I'm from Kansas and I live here now and I have fucking three kids and I have gray hair on my pussy and I like big dick and I can't stand soft dick niggas with lying ass. Am I cussing or what?

We're live fucking, you know. What? You want a question? What do you want? What do you want? I'm here in L.A. What do you want? What do you want?

I could be Cat Williams. I could be Robert Lewis. I could be who you with? Who you want? What you want? What you want? Yeah. What?

Who's Robert Lewis? Your daddy. Oh. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I thought he Lewis? Your daddy. Oh. What, what, what? I thought he was like the UFO man. He's the light. That scared me. I didn't know what was going on.

Are you going to come attack me when my time is over? No, don't, don't. What? What's wrong with him? Anyway, my jokes are like racy and they're like nasty and they're like sexy and they're like everything. But you can look me up on Google Instagram Facebook what else they got Google Plus and all that M-E-G-A-S-H-R-A

Megesha fuck yeah you can stay up stay up here this is the part where we get to talk to you and figure out what the hell that all meant okay go for it I mean one minute I mean what the fuck what are you doing one minute did you just suck a smurfs dick no no what happened was I mean, one minute? I mean, what the fuck? What do you do in one minute? Did you just suck a Smurfs dick? Why don't you do it? No, no.

What happened was... La, la, la, la, la. Everybody. La, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la. That should have been your first 20 seconds. I like the Smurfs. I'll do that when I get off.

New opener. Fuck yeah. What is your story? Let's see. My story is if you, you know, you know, if you use drugs too long, you'll go to jail. Fuck yeah.

Hell yeah. My story is if you work long, you'll get paid. That's right. My story is I don't swallow, but I'll fake it. Holy shit. How the fuck do you do that? How the fuck do you fake it? You know what?

Okay, if you're at home, you can have a sock on the side, and you're working it. You're like, and it's going on. They're like, oh, yeah, baby. I'm like, say my name, bitch. And they're like, say my name. I'm like, yeah. And I put my other hand there. There's a whole bunch of spit.

I'm like, super head. I watch the video. You're like that double stroke thing. And then you're like, when they come, you're like, yeah, and I put my other hand there like a whole bunch of spit, like super head. I watched the video. You're like that double stroke thing, and then you're like, when they come, you're like and you put in the sock. That is one happy smurf. That is... Somebody called the police on you there for a second. I don't know if you guys

heard that. I love that. I want you to do two things right now. I want you to just take a deep breath. There you go. Empty out all your pockets. Digging all my pockets. Are you on any substances currently? Do you have a beer before the show?

I have a shot and a beer and some butts. Fuck yeah. Was it blueberry kush? I think it was Fur Daddy Kush. Big Daddy Kush. I made me turn blue. I didn't look at it first.

Who ripped your jeans? Did you pay for that? Bebe ripped my jeans. I'm a Bebe freak. I wear Bebe a lot. I go to the gym a lot. You live here in LA? I just moved here one week today. From where?

Kansas City, Missouri. You were that in L.A.? I just moved here one week today. From where? Kansas City, Missouri. Oh, my God. You were that in Kansas? Hell, yeah. Holy shit. Look at the big, dumb, funny show. I'm always a host there, and I'm, like, at the Uptown. I mean, I love this.

This is my new thing. I fucking left my last job, left my kids and my grandkids and shit. That's how you do it. That's what I call following a dream. There you go. Hell, yeah. It's big dreams out here. It's a big city. Dr. King did and shit. That's what I call following a dream. Hell yeah, it's big dreams out here. Dr. King did that shit.

He left his family, you know, went on the road. Byron, I think Dr. King had a slightly more important message than what we just saw for this minute. I think Dr. King could have gotten the dream shit out in a minute. I don't know. I'm not sure. I left my kids for this shit.

This shit is going to totally make the ultimate highlight reel of this show. If Dr. King had a fake come swallow story, it would have had the same impact on the world. It actually makes it. I'm sure Dr. King have gotten squirted before. Don't play. I mean, I'm sure she just let loose like. I'm going to absolve her of all of her neglectful mother's sins because she said she left her kids and her grandkids. I'm not neglectful.

They're grown. I'm a grandma. If your kids have grandkids neglectful mother sins because she said she left her kids and her grandkids. I'm not neglectful. They're grown. I'm a grandma. If your kids have grandkids, then fuck them. They can raise them themselves. Grandma's time to come out here and fucking suck smurf dick and do heroin. I left them, though. When you're a grandma, I'm not sucking no dick. Fuck you, okay?

It just looked like I sucked some dick. Fuck that. I am not fucking my way up. If your posse is not here, I don't see the dope man. I don't give a fuck. I ain't sucking no dick. It just looked like that. How many roses to get you to suck dick?

What? Roses? You know what? If they had a lot of zeros. I don't know right now. Ask me next week. What do you do for work? Right now, I've developed 37 products.

Holy shit. 37 different products. Legal products? Children? They're legal. like massage oils. They're good for everything. They're all natural. You can like with it, you know,

or you can like put it on the pussy and fuck with it if they're dry cock, you know. Well, where can I order such a product? On fabulousmagasia.com. Fabulous Magasia. Fabulousmagasia.com. And that's where people can buy your sex oils.

It's more than sex oil. It's used for like, if you were African American you would know about oils. You know what I'm saying? You gotta have oils money. Oh, I need some of that. You need oils. You need oils. You need oils.

It's a black thing. Well, your feet might need some of your balls. They get kind of red and wrong. I've seen white balls before. So when you say 37 products, you mean 37 different oils? No. That's just one product. That's one product of the 37.

What's number 37? Like, what's the worst product? The worst product to me would be like a skin tonic. And it's where you mix another product together, and it makes, like, your feet soft or feet soft or your balls get rejuvenated. Do all of the 37 things make you softer? Kind of, sort of, yeah. They're for your hair, your skin.

They're all natural. My great-grandmother and my grandmother made the products, and so I just got smart and developed them and got my name patented, and they're called Megatia. Were they slaves when they invented this? You know what? It's actually a Hebrew name, so it's from the Bible, so we're more biblical. So if we have to be slaves, then fuck it.

The Jews were slaves too at one point, I believe. You know what I'm saying? Everybody's been a slave. You know, hey, if I was giving up some pussy, you'd be a slave for this pussy. Hey, I don't know about that. Look at people's faces. But they all white, you know what I'm saying? But look on the internet.

How many more pluses? Did we get any likes for that? You know, I tagged for like that. We're getting a lot of oil orders, and that's the important thing. That's what I'm talking about. Hell yeah. Roller orders, cap orders, rain bonnet orders. So you're doing the stand-up now.

You left the, well, the oil thing sells itself. Yeah, I left the kids. You left the kids. I left my house. I left my dog. I left my business. I left my little boy toy. I left all of it.

What was the business before the oil thing exploded? I owned a hair salon, and I do makeup and hair. And I teach young women how to do their own hair and makeup because I feel like the celebrity kids or a lot of women don't know how to look good. They're like, I woke up like this. That's a fucking lie. But if you teach them to do it themselves, that's kind of why the business didn't work. But I mean that I think that every woman, my business worked good.

Okay, look it up. Whoa. I feel like every woman should know how to do more than one thing. Some women, black women maybe more, but some women only can do like one hairstyle or no style. And they're like bald-headed or they're like wig queens. This is wig capital. I last, like Miss Piggy, I was like

where am I at in Hollywood or fake wood? It's crazy. But on the hair salon, our community is like being a drug dealer. Hell yeah, it's fast money because I do a good job. And I mean, like, women want to look good. But why would you leave that? Did you get saved?

I'm tired. Yes, I did get saved. But I was just like tired dealing. I'm ugly. I'm fat. What do I do? My man cheated. I'm like, look, if you ain't, you know what I'm saying, getting down when it's time to

get down. I feel like all women that are married should be professional hookers. Like, if you don't know how to ride a dick for 10 minutes. If you can't ride a dick for 10 minutes and suck it, you stupid. That shit. That feel like all women that are married should be professional hookers. Like, if you don't know how to ride a dick for 10 minutes, if you can't ride a dick for 10 minutes and suck it, you stupid. That shit, that shit. What you get married for?

Why'd you get married? Niggas. Fuck your doctorate degree. If you can't ride a dick for 10 minutes, you stupid. Men want pussy. All they want is pussy. You stupid.

So, nigga, Shia. Nagasha. All right, all right. Any woman running for president, if you can't ride a dick for 10 minutes, you stupid. Stupid. Hell yeah.

We don't give a fuck about policy over here. You gotta be married, though. Forget the married part. Yeah, Sarah Palin's the smartest bitch in the world. Hell yeah. And her baby, too. Like, ooh. Yeah, it wouldn't go that far.

Jesus. Just rub some oil on that baby. It'll be fine in the morning. Hell yeah. That oil can heal. Oil can heal. Putting that ad in the shit, too. So how often do you get on stage?

You started doing comedy. I'm getting on stage every night of the week right now. I do at least three days a week in Kansas City. You just got off the plane and started getting on stage everywhere. When I got off the plane, I went to the J spot. And then I went to Compton, California with Roy Anthony. And then Monday, I was at the Maverick Flats.

And then today is Tuesday, right? What's up? There you go. Tomorrow, I'll be at the Comedy Unionick Flats. And then today is Tuesday, right? Right. What's up? There you go. It is. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be at the Comedy Union. I think I got invited to that. And then I'm just trying to get active. So you're saying, like, you just want to do pure stand-up? What else are you into?

No, I want to do everything. Almost everything. If you were going to have your own show, what would the show be about? It would be about women, like, having insecurities, but then getting their hair done, and I'm like, oh, shit, I'm fine. Or even, like, me and just... So you just want to do a whole show of just like makeover like real stuff no not makeover bits but just like real shit like when they come in like one girl was like her boyfriend just had literally kicked her in the chest I'm like bitch don't come here like don't come here

mad at me I'm trying to make you look good but she had oil on her chest no no no she had oil on her scalp you know I'm saying that maybe on her body she's like they have it on her chest. No, no, no. She had oil on her scalp, you know what I'm saying, and maybe on her body. She probably did have it on her chest. Okay, you're right. You're right, because we need oil on. It's a black thing. Y'all laughing, but hey, we need oil. What is the oil for, actually?

Well, certain skin has, I mean, certain cologne and stuff has alcohol in it which dries out minority skin. But the oils, it don't. It actually goes into the skin. Or like, you know, like your mom probably has dry scalp. You know, your feet fucked up. Man talking. Go ahead. It's your business.

Explain to her. Explain to her. But what it does is as you heat up, the oil, it goes it, you know, exudes. Oh, shit. Wow. I got a small business idea for you, for the website. It seems like you're catering to one specific market, and I think you need to expand to white people. Yeah.

It's for white people because you guys get drank out. You need to sell me an oil that's going to make me as a white dude. Uh-huh. Like, I don't want an oil that Byron's going to buy. Okay. I want an oil that only white people. So, say if you were getting a body massage and you want a nice lavender oil or. Pumpkin spice.

White people like pumpkin spice. Okay. Pumpkin or even lemon to cut that odor. Do you have any that smell like cash? Cash. Yes, it's called money oil, actually. And it's made with the biblical sense from the Psalms 52 in the Bible.

Oh my God. You got anything made from shit from the Quran? You know what? Just a little bit of coconut, but yeah. Well, there you go a little bit of coconut, but yeah. Well, there you go. Magasia Jackson, everybody. Thanks for meeting us. Thanks for picking me.

Thank you. Magasia. Welcome to L.A. There you go. Wow. That was a great advertisement. Yeah, there's a lot of oil sales right now happening she's on twitter at what

that says show in out just show in out ok everybody ok whatever it is fuck yeah this is how do you feel about you seem a little quiet over there Okay, whatever it is Fuck yeah This is Brody

How do you feel about Magatia? You seem a little quiet over there Everything okay? Well, you know When somebody looks at me and interacts As a human being I talk back But I don't know

I've not done this And I was told Veminently Justiculately Veminently Justicular? Was it somebody who says that? Don't talk Don't talk Justiculately. Behemothly. Justicular? Was it somebody who says that? Don't talk.

Don't talk. Don't talk. So I don't talk. We just give him the 60 seconds uninterrupted. I understand. So that we can get a feel for it. Medesha talked to me twice. Medesha talked to me twice.

I don't know. It's not like I'm here every week. But I don't do the mic right. I don't talk into this. I yell. So you guys can just fuck off. Whoa. Wow.

Brody. You know what was dope about that? He was chewing his gum the whole time and didn't miss a beat. Yeah. Chew that shit, nigga. Chew that shit. Powerful. I love it, dude.

I love it. Thank you for your honesty. I'm going to make a gift for Bully Cho and Gong. Are you going to not interact? Are you going to Marshawn Lynch the rest of this show? Are you just going to? I won't talk during the act. That's all we wanted out of you, I believe, Tony.

You know what? The only thing is. Hey, we got to stop all this white on white crime. This is ruining it. But look, I'm not in this bit. You know what? You're getting a loose cannon in here. And I'm not.

It's not like I do this every week. I'm thrown in. I already got blasted for talking wrong in the mic. I got blasted for talking to Mahisha. Mahisha. So, it doesn't put me in a good mood. And my mood matters. You know why?

Because I'm Jewish. Whoa. Whoa. A lot of Aryans in this room, right? It doesn't put me in a good mood. And my mood matters. You know why? Because I'm Jewish. Whoa. Whoa. A lot of Arians in this room, right? I picked up on it. Whoa. Guys, you can't even get a joke.

I'm going back to when she said it was a Jewish thing. I say it, and you guys get tight. No wonder you're fucking open micers. Whoa. Brody is turning on everybody right now. You want to fuck with me? Let's go. Brody, everybody loves you. We're all huge Brody is turning on everybody right now. You want to fuck with me? Let's go. Brody, everybody loves you.

We're all huge Brody fans. When I said the Jewish thing, as a test, their freaking Aryan antlers went in the air. So they could fuck off. Magisha, do you have any of that money-scented oil we can rub on Brody real quick? Give him some of that shit from the Bible, from the Old Testament. You got it. I got it right here. from the Bible, from the Old Testament. I got it right here. Stop playing, my nigga. Alright. Let's go to the dabble.

Oh, God. I'm good. I'm good. I'm hold up. Oh, my God. I'd just like to point out there's no label on this. It's her personal bottle. It's a black-owned business. No credit cards.

Come on now. I might be holding anthrax as we speak. We're doing good just to get that. That is a giant. That's a year's supply right there. Of urine? I don't know what it is. That is a giant bottle of oil, everybody. Yeah.

Guys, moving on. Your next comedian doing 60 seconds uninterrupted. Put your hands together. Even if they talk to me, ask me, crowd work with me. Even if that happens. Let them die a slow death. They have 60 seconds without us interacting. Don't talk to me and don't look at me.

You got it? Thank you. We've seen this guy make his debut over the last few weeks. He's very, very fucking likable. I pretty much guarantee he's going to be a huge movie star. Put your hands together for Michael Perkinson, everybody. Just moved here from Florida a few weeks ago. Oh, shit, look at this, the frat boy.

Oh, my God. Michael Perkinson, everyone. Hey, Teddy Grahams are fossilized gummy bears. We've been eating ancient artifacts. That's fucking terrible. Brody, don't you think?

I like to leave Cheetos in the street to teach birds about risk and reward. That was a weak laugh. Fuck all y'all. No, I'm just kidding. God damn it. Oh, look, got to go to the arm. You think I have jokes on my arm?

It really just says quit being such a pussy. Oh, man, my therapist. I've been drinking a lot. and I said, hey, therapist. She said, well, when your friends drink beer, you should drink Sprite. So I just... Fuck. I was just about to punch, Tony.

Do it again. What is it? So I just found out I have diabetes. Take it back. Take it back. Rewind. Pretend like you didn't do it. My heart's pounding. I bet it back. Take it back. Rewind. Pretend like you didn't do it. My heart's pounding. I bet it is. He's still adjusting the mic. Michael, you're really excited.

Whoa. Whoa, Michael. Look at you. You're out of control. You're an animal up here. Look at this guy. I jerked off so hard I had to buy my hand the day after pill. All right.

I don't know if you heard the cat, but I was waiting for the last Hollywood. Whoa. Don't bring it out. Michael, how's it going, buddy? I don't know. Watch this. You want some oil for the mic stand? I bet I had a joke that was so relevant to everything she did. You want some oil for the mic stand?

I had a joke that was so relevant to everything she did it was miserable and racist It was a racist joke Very racist I almost want to hear this shit Michael, how long have you been here from Florida? Well, I've been in Hollywood for a month

and it's fucking this town's fucking miserable. All right. Was you in the Wolf of Wall Street by any chance? No, Michael was in the Pig of Wall Street. I just submitted for a Jonah Hill body double for Hail Caesar on LA Casting. So Wolf of Wall Street, I think that's what you're referencing. I don't know. Yeah, good job. You really figured that out. What did you think? You thought you were Leonardo

to fucking Caprio? I love busting Michael's balls. He's so likable. Look at that smile. I don't have any. I don't have a fight today. I mean, are you a buddy double for Wayne Brady? I don't fucking know. Michael, don't fight back. Don't fight today. I mean, are you a buddy double for Wayne Brady? I don't fucking know. Michael, don't fight back.

I heard it plenty of times, but I liked it. You're awesome. All y'all are likable characters. You've been in town for a month, you said? I've been in town for a month. Where's your current residence? You strike me as a couch sleeper. I am a couch sleeper. You got a

buddy out here? What's that? You got a buddy out here? I got a buddy. His name's Bud, by the way. I'm over there off Sunset and Gardner area. Is it indoors? Just in case, ladies. I'm not getting laid. I'm a realist here. Everyone's like, hey, sandals, shorts.

What am I going to get laid? Do shoes make you funny? Go fuck yourself. They help. Do shoes really make you funny? Hey, if you wear pants, people will take you seriously. Who gives a fuck? Good goddamn funny.

You just be funny. Goddamn jackasses. He's definitely going to OD. He's going to OD. Absolutely. He's Chris Fallon right here. He's like a young John Belushi. Physical hero.. Absolutely, right? He's Chris Farley right here. He's like a young John Belushi.

Did I say John Belushi? I meant Jim Belushi. Oh, thank you. Oh, son of a bitch. You're like a young every 50-year-old guy who plays a guitar at a Florida beach bar. Brody, what do you think about this guy? He's Peter Griffin. He's a real Peter Griffin. But everyone, I'm throwing out these things.

I'm from Florida. I could see you playing like, like Rick Glassman's brother on Undateable. You're not supposed to talk, Brody. We already discussed this earlier. You know what? Okay, hold that thought. First of all,

first of all, that moment, that attack, that attack, that attack wouldn't have happened if you guys didn't laugh. But that's your M.O. Let's laugh at Brody's expense. You want to play hardball with me? Let's do it. I'm right here.

And I work out with kettlebells. And I have a spin bike in my living room. So if you want to bring it, I'm here. I am 44, and I weigh 220 pounds. Michael Perkinson got Brody riled up. It's kettlebells

versus kettle corn. This is an exciting battle of the titans over here. Fuck yeah. I just snorted. What a fucking pussy, huh? Michael, I liked your joke style, though. It was very quick. It was very one-linery.

Who are your comic influences? Oh, man. I'm going to take heat for this, but no. Hedberg. Hedberg, I think it's a lost art with what he did. He punched quick. He punched fast. He wore pants?

And sandals? Did he? No, he wore shoes. He wore shoes, Mikey. Son of a bitch. You just listened to him. I saw his Comedy Central. I've seen pretty much everything he had. He doesn't have much. He doesn't have much. He doesn't have much. He doesn't have enough because

man, that's a shame to see him go. You're right. He was so different, but he was so engaging. There's a lot to say about that. How old were you? 12 when that happened? I heard about him fucking six years ago.

You look like the success story on a DeVry commercial. You know, he got his life together. It was either the military or DeVry, and he printed out his gift certificate slash diploma, and fuck yeah. Well, I parked my car responsibly the other day, and because I enrolled in DeVry, some drunk bitch hit it, so now I'm getting a paycheck.

Everybody fuck yourselves. Was that a joke? What was that? No, that's literally the only— I love how you immediately start to feel bad after you say something stupid. You cut yourself off at the end of that and started to apologize. It was great. That's literally the first paycheck I've gotten in L.A. is I got fucking hit.

My parked car got hit by some drunk girl in a Mini Cooper. Whoa, welcome to L.A. Woo! Money. I'll take that dick and keep on fucking riding. Whoa. That doesn't make any sense. Wait, so some drunk girl hit your car and that's what's paying your bills?

This is a fucking Adam Sandler movie. I was moving home. I was moving home in three weeks if that bitch hadn't hit my car when I was blackout drunk. So she did us all a favor by keeping you out here. Yeah, the universe. The law of attraction. If that's the way you see it, man, that's a hell of a compliment.

Make sure you park in that spot. That's your favorite spot. You said she was driving... At this rate, you might get some pants in six months. She was driving a Mini Cooper when she hit you? Yeah, and supposedly Mini Coopers don't roll. How many tens of dollars worth of damages did she create by hitting you with a Mini Cooper? $2,500 worth of damage. Cosmetic only.

Cosmetic only. If you've ever been hit, that's fucking money in the bank. What's your drive? What kind of car are you driving? Unless vanity is your shit, then you're a pussy's your drive? What kind of car are you driving? Unless vanity is your shit, then you're a pussy. All right. What kind of car are you driving? You always say a little bit too much, by the way.

Just give the answer and then let us be funny. It's an 06 Altima. Oh, shoot. Never, ever had a problem. 06 Altima and you're getting $2,500 back? $2,500? I'm still driving the car, Tony. Oh, okay.

How close do I have to be next to his Fred Flintstone feet? Whoa, there you go. Let's go! He keeps walking out the door. That's why you wear shoes. Brody, I have six months of Zoloft unused if you need it. How dare you attack me?

I'm Lexapro for life. Ten milligrams. 10 milligrams. Respect it. Yeah, Michael, maybe you can trade your extra Zoloft in for some Dexatrim or something like that. Go to the pharmacist. See what you can barter up. I didn't know you could do that at a pharmacy. Just try to trade up shit.

Like, I got some really good Zoloft. What can I get? Me too. It's like, man, I'm so fat, man. I lose sleep over breakfast. Jesus Christ. Strike one. You think that's strike one?

Holy shit. You're just joining the game. I seriously do lose sleep over what's coming up. What am I going to do? Something delicious. Wake up early and call it an excuse. It's gotten bad. This town is fucking terrifying. What do you do an excuse. I mean, it's gotten bad. You know, because this town's fucking terrifying.

What do you do? Eat. I hate when we... That's all. You was fat when you got here. Don't blame me. All right. Ain't that much...

I hate how sympathetic of a face I have, because whenever he starts his joke, he's aiming at you guys. And then he sees that he's bombing, so he comes to me. Like, for support. Like, I'm going to be like, hey, you'll get him next time, slugger. You're the coach.

That's why. He won't let you call the plate. He won't let you rub your sleeve on him. So you're saying breakfast is your favorite meal? Well, no, it's not. I'm just trying to reason for the fact that I'm just doing nothing with my life. I'm like, oh, hey, six hours is a good time to eat again. And you should probably enjoy it. I don't know. Six hours is actually a healthy time to eat again.

You should probably enjoy it. Six hours is actually a healthy time to eat between meals. Yeah, but not in the amount I eat. Trust me. Where are you getting all this food money from? Where's your food budget? EBT. You probably could get a $2,000 bedroom apartment if you cut down on some of the meals. Does this bitch hit you with a

Minner Cooper every week? Does she just keep hitting you? I sleep on a couch. We've discussed this. We've discussed this. I sleep on a couch. I eat 7-Eleven fucking chicken wings and pizza. Look, I did it for a year when I moved here. You know what I mean?

Ain't nothing wrong with it. So this is just what it is, man. Grind. You know, you funny. You're just funny without bits. Look at you. Huh? Is the couch that you're sleeping on...

I didn't hear him. I didn't hear him. Is the couch that you're sleeping on in the kitchen of the place that you're sleeping? Why are you losing so much sleep over the thought of food? What is it? Do you really fucking sweat

when you think of eggs and shit? Why do you keep on adjusting the microphone? Well, the microphone doesn't go as tall as me, but no. When it comes down, do you think I'm going to get laid? This guy's like a giant seven-year-old. A giant seven-year-old

lesbian. That's what you are. It's unbelievable. It's Fortune's brother. It's less fortunate beamster right there. Fuck yeah. That's a home run. When you know you're not going to get laid by anybody who's worth laying, you just go fucking eat everything you can. Look, man, you got to change that attitude.

Yeah. There's women out here who fuck everybody. Yeah, for real. Boom shakalaka get pussy. I know you can get pussy. Go get it, Michael. That's Michael Parkinson going to get some pussy now. Mike. Michael.

Michael. Michael. Is this your real Twitter handle? Is this your Twitter handle now, Michael? This thing you wrote here? Yep. Okay, follow him on Twitter. I think I just got Michael Perkinson's disease.

Whoa, look at that. He went for it. Classic bit. Weighted. Follow Michael Perkinson on Twitter at GerberBabyGrownUp. That's what I called him a couple, the Campbell's Soup kid. Yeah. The grown-up version of Campbell's Soup Boy.

I've called him a lesbian all three times that he's been on. Works every time because he really does. He looks like a giant lesbian. He's a happy guy. Looks like that one that if you played softball and she was on the mound, you'd be like, oh, fuck. This is that one that fucking

throws the thunder. She throws overhand. Bertha's just throwing fastballs. She's got a sidearm underarm. Oh, shit. All right, here's another new name that sounds like they haven't been on before. Put your hands together for Peter Barrera.

Oh, shit. I don't see Peter Barrera, so that means he just got blacklisted Brody make some funny noises how dare you with this Peter guy he got nervous he thought I was gonna go after him but that's what makes you a tougher comedian there you go Michael thank you very much

who picked you up Access Paratransit oh there you go you got it the new Uber. Nailed it. Fuck yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Your next comedian goes by the name of Eric Carter. We know this guy.

Hillbilly. This guy is a real hillbilly. From the south. He just fell down the stairs and immediately picked himself up. Because he's from the south. Eric Carter, everybody. Oh, man.

It's great to be out here, but I nearly fucked up earlier. I wanted to feel like I'm living in a big city, so I didn't drive. I took the metro, and I went to Highland. Instead of going west, I went east. And I noticed, like, the Hall of Fame, the Walk of Fame dropped off, and then I looked up, and I said, Little Armenia. I'm like, man, shit, this ain't Beverly Hills. But I just walked in here, huffing and puffing,

and thank you, but just moved out here on New Year's Eve, moved from the south. It's fun being a southerner, but people give you a lot of hell. People always assume that I'm a racist based on my accent. That ain't true. I have a friend that's black. He got caught in a fire two years ago, and he's still pretty burned up. Oh.

But for the past few months, I've been working on oil rigs. And if you think I'm a piece of shit, you should see my operator out there. This guy had too many felons to be a Marine. He proudly bragged. Jesus Christ, Eric, what'd you do? Dude, I literally just walked in. I mean, like, I'm still. Why did we have to know about that?

That took 30 seconds off your time just doing that. 30 seconds. And then you did a joke about, are you saying that your only black friend is a white guy who got in a fire a couple years ago? Is that what you said? He's one out of three. Wow, you went for it, huh?

Yeah. He's one out of three. Were the other two white burn victims as well? The other one has frostbited the entire body. The other one... No, they're legit black guys. No one has no whiteite of the entire body. They're legit black guys. He has no lamps. They use oil.

They're legit black guys. They use our oil. Work on an oil rig. Could one say that your black friends are some riggers? Yeah. That's good. Why didn't you think of that?

Yeah. You should have wrote that down while that fire was happening. So, Eric, you're from the south. You're flustered. Where'd you walk from? I got off at Highland, and I walked the opposite direction

for five blocks, and then I saw the 101. I said, shit. And it was like 740, and I walked basically four fucking miles, huffing and puffing. Why did you keep walking? Why didn't you take a bus or something? I don't like buses. What about a Lyft that would have been $3?

Why didn't you jump off that bridge? The 101, baby. Even if you survived the landing, a car's going to hit you any second. But it would have been way funnier than what you did up here. Yeah. I was excited for your material initially because it was a great bit like, oh, shit, I walked the wrong way on Highland. I got to Little Armenia, and little Mark Ellis, who likes a happy ending,

is like, oh, shit, here comes a punchline. And then you just went into your first joke. And I'm like, wait, that was like half your set. It was just a setup to why you're on stage. And there was no joke. As a Southern, I like the accent. I like it. Is it real?

Yeah. Yeah. He put two syllables in oil. That's something. What part of the South are you from? Mississippi. Yeah. Oh, shit syllables in oil. That's something. What part of the South are you from? Mississippi. Yeah. Holy shit.

That checks out. That part. When did you see your first black person? Three years ago. Really? Holy shit. So y'all don't got no TVs down there? Black and white.

I don't even know how to explain. They still show up as black. But they still don't show up as black On those black and white ones There's still white There's no black programming on black and white TV Oh my god Eric They think the Simpsons are Mexicans

So you were on an So you were on an oil rig For a few months What's that like It's hell Especially up in Northota six inches of snow below 20 degrees like what do you do how many hours a day are you working out 12 to 18 right and then what do you do after work just go to sleep and do it again yeah that's all there is to

do so what would you do for fun while on the oil rig because you were out here for a while you got a taste of the hollywood life and then all of a sudden you're on an oil rig in North Dakota, deep in snow. What'd you do to entertain yourself? Well, they set us up a nice cabin, so if I was off I'd just walk. A nice cabin to you? What's that? A famous trailer? An outhouse? A Job Day John? One of those fucking, like, what do you consider

a nice cabin? It was a double-wide trailer. Right. Fuck yeah. Exactly double the size of a trailer that you're normally used to. So did you have any prostitutes out there? It was like the Wild West. There were a bunch of them, but I stayed away from them.

STD's really high in that area. Higher than Hollywood. Have you ever gotten STD? Google Blue Waffle. I saw that. Don't put that image in my head. Blue Waffle disease. Have you ever... Google blue waffle. I saw that. What's a blue waffle? Don't put that image in my head. Blue waffle disease.

Oh, shit. What the hell is it? Google blue waffle disease. My tool post told me to Google it, and it's really high in North Dakota. That's not a real thing. Yes, it is. No, blue waffle is not a real disease. That just looks like a blue waffle, and somebody called it blue waffle.

I hear Magasha Jackson saying, yes, it is, and by the look of her lips, she knows about blue waffles. Yeah! If there's blue waffles happening, Magasia Jackson knows about it. Eric, have you ever been with a black woman before? Yes, I have. What was that like? Look how intense his eyes were.

Right, exactly. I've had three of them. Did she know she was with you? Yeah, she had. Sisters love me. No, shut the fuck up. Three sisters? Oh, I see what you're saying.

Soon as he found out. Soon as he found out. I thought he was saying that all three black women that he hooked up with were sisters. I forgot that they called themselves sisters. I thought people were saying that all three black women that he hooked up with were sisters. I forgot that they called themselves sisters. I thought people were actually buying... He just went from room to room to room in a house. Like, can I get your grandma too? Eric, tell us about being with a black woman.

What was that like? How was it to see that hair for the first time? That patch of pubic hair? Well, I was fortunate to have these shaved. These? These shaved. These shaved. These shaved. Not they shaved. You said these shaved. Yeah.

They're not even human beings. That's what you're saying. These shaved. That's like saying this bucket shaved. It's like you can't believe that they would do that themselves. I miss this shit. Right, exactly. It's just so natural.

He doesn't even know what's wrong. Look at it. He doesn't even see what could possibly be wrong with it. It's like you're describing the ordering experience on Amazon. Like, you're just like, nah, I'll go non-shaved. I don't want to deal with that shit. They had pretty asses. They were shaved.

Wow. Dude, there's a black guy right behind you that's going crazy right now. Hey, you ate that pussy, didn't you? One of them I did. I didn't eat the other two. The first one you tried? The other two, they were so damn worn out after I thrusted it to them. Wow, yeah.

Jimmy locked that pussy. I thought Jimmy locked that pussy. I thought Jimmy threw that pussy. What was your favorite thing about being with a black woman that you don't get when you're normally with white men? This is going to sound kind of crazy, but I like that coconut smell. Black girls have good sense. Oil.

Oil. It all comes back to the oils. Magisha's sales just went up again. This oil totally drowns out the smell of blue waffle, this stuff right here. And racism. No, it doesn't do that. It doesn't do that. No, it's not that strong.

It's the smell of coconuts that you like. Yeah, I get it sometimes. What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? Have you ever been serious about a young lady? Just a year. I travel a lot, so I'm never in one place for too long. Oh, you're a player.

Look at you. You're a walking Allman Brothers song. You just keep moving from oil rig to oil rig. And now you're here. How long are you going to be here before you go back to rigging? I guess whenever I run out of money. Do you have a date yet? Do you have a prognostication as to long are you going to be here before you go back to rigging? I guess whenever I run out of money. Do you have a date yet?

Do you have a prognostication as to when that's going to be? No, I just got a serving job over at City Walk at a Mexican restaurant. Hola, how you doing? Oh, my God. Me llamo. Hey, Mexican women love you, too. What, you want some kind of burrito or something? Uh-huh.

I like the tacos bel grande. These cooks speak English back there. These cooks speak English. Try the blue nachos. Can you tell us the restaurant? Can you give us a little pitch?

If you came up to us as a table, like, what would be your opening line? I haven't started yet. I just filled out my W-2s. Is it Camacho's? Yes. I've been to City Walk 10 or 20 times. You just guessed the restaurant? Holy shit.

It's Camacho's. It's right there. It's next to, they got an IMAX there. I've worked at Mexican restaurants before. I bet you have. One in Dana Point, one in Waco, Texas. He busted the place. So, like. Give us your

opening line. What's it going to be? Talk into the mic. How are y'all doing today? Y'all welcome to Camacho's. Let's go to another restaurant. Let's get out of here. Eric Carter, there he goes, everybody. He's on Twitter at CallMeEC. Anything else for Eric?

I'm upset when he was serving. He skipped me. He went over me. It's on Twitter at CallMeEC. Anything else for Eric? I'm upset when he was sorry, but he skipped me. He went over me. He didn't look at you at all. He knows where his tip's coming from. Come on, Byron. We got a different water fountain for your friend. You know, guys, I was saying we're talking about oil, and

Mark's a big football fan. There was a football player who was really into oil. He was on the Redskins. John Riggins. Diesel. Remember him? Yeah. Guys, I knew you wouldn't get that joke.

But assume when I say something and then I'm done, then you laugh. That's called a joke. And that's why I hang out with Major League Baseball players and whoever I want to. Because I'm positive energy and I look for the funny. Hey, Brody, Brody, there was a pitcher that was really into oil, too. Do you remember him? Oil Cam Boyd. Wow. Thank you.

Got it. Why did I get that? Ask me something not about sports. Eric Carter's on Twitter at CallMeEC. That was Eric Carter, everybody. Eric Carter, everybody. What do you think of Eric, Brody? What's the Brody report on a Southern boy like that?

I worked at Red Robin. I understand what he's going through. I like how he put down his coasters. That's his table. They'll check back after two bites or two minutes. Those are the rules. Always keep the water. Always filling up water.

You're going to do good there. Is it Hector Camacho? Is that who owns it? Hector Macho Man Camacho? Do you guys read newspapers or anything at all? Because I'm throwing out basic stuff and I'm getting zero. I pulled another name out of the bucket.

Go ahead. I'm going to start getting sexual. Alright? That's where we're going next. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Go ahead. I'm going to start getting sexual. All right? That's where we're going next. Because that's what you sickos respond to. Jesus, Brody. Masturbating. All right. You know it's a good live show when Brody starts threatening to masturbate.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. We know this young man. He just had his head shaved on this show a couple weeks ago. So you know he's going to be hilarious. Put your hands together for Kenny Lyon, everybody. There he is. I got straight A's in school straight absences I'm going to Sunday school

they're teaching me how to scoop ice cream from the holy book of banana splits I'll give time back laughter I'll give time back what? he's offering to give time back to the show so other people can use it oh I see what you're doing there say the banana splits one again

I'm attending Sunday school. They're teaching me how to scoop ice cream from the holy book of banana splits. Michael Perkinson's just clapping because you said banana splits. I love it. So you come in with all the confidence in the world. You're on a show where you only have to perform. I love it. So you come in with all the confidence in the world.

You're on a show where you only have to perform. I love Kill Tony. Thank you, Dead Squad. I love it. Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Just stick with me. Over here, buddy. This guy got a sponsor.

Just relax, Kenny. Just take it all in, okay? You did 13 seconds now. He on his way. Now, did you come out here with the intention of just doing 13 seconds like if you get picked you get you're like i'm gonna do the one thing about the a's and the absences and then that joke about banana splits that makes no sense whatsoever but i'm gonna sell the dog shit out of it and just go i'm giving my time back like you thought like was that the plan the whole time that and now this i talking well yeah

well i know i know that's this is the part of the show where we do that but i'm talking about during your set you know you just felt that in the moment yeah i did those two i started uh i opened with those two jokes uh all of yesterday i hit four mics i did last bookstore now at the other mics did you do more time than the 13 seconds? Or at also those mics, did you just drop the mic afterwards and walk out? Like, I'm going to give the rest of you all time like that. Nah. Whatever that beautiful line was that you said.

Now, how do you feel now with the new shaved head? You had a big hair of dreadlocks. Do you like it better? I love it. I love it. My job loves it. Actually, my job, my boss is Jay Thomas. He was Sam Kinison's old manager.

This guy gives more shout-outs than, like, 106 Jams. It's unbelievable. This one. Next one goes out to Magasia Jackson, my sweet love. If you didn't know, he had long hair, what, last week, and he had a knot or a cocoon's nest in it that was just dead hair, and it looked like he had a bump.

Yeah, what you need to know about Kenny Lyon is that he smokes pot constantly. He's a really big freeloader of pot, and he just stands anywhere around the comedy store where he thinks people are smoking pot, and he just stands anywhere around the Comedy Store where he thinks people are smoking pot, and he'll just join you if you start smoking pot.

That's just exactly what he does. And so he's trying to clean up his life a bit, so he got rid of this disgusting, matted, wormy-looking dreadlock that he had. He shaved his head on this show for an astounding three minutes of complete silence. It was a total failure. I never should have booked it that way.

And so now Kenny, this is what's happening. What's the job that you work at? I'm an usher at the Dolby Theater. You're an usher at a theater? They do the Academy Awards there. Wow. That's cool. Did they recognize

you when you came back to work after you had shaved your head? No. They thought that I was, they were doing a Chinese concert. He kind of looks like that guy we fired last week. Hey-o. Kenny, did you get to work the Academy Awards? Yeah. What was that like?

Man, it's the best, man. It's the best. Three years in a row you've been working there? I try to hook up with chicks, the Academy Awards? Yeah. What was that like? Yeah, man. It's the best, man. It's the best. Three years in a row you've been working there? I try to hook up with chicks, the whole thing, man. How does that work out for you? I kind of got close because I'm right there guarding the door. Wow. Do you have any hot gossip?

Yeah, what do you see at the Academy Awards? It's all old popcorn. Did anybody try to, did any hot starlets try to have sex with you? Was anybody like, oh shit, Manny. I want to fuck Manny Pacquiao with leukemia. Hey-o! You can't just high-o really great jokes.

You can't high-o two jokes that went more than your entire set. That's kind of illegal. Hey-o! During the Academy Awards, do you ever get mistaken for Maddox, Angela Jolie's child? Now that's a joke. There you go. That felt good.

Thank you, Kenny, for being a part of that movement. Love you. Movement. I love when Brody, you guys got to watch Brody when he closes the main room Kenny, Kenny, they know, they know You and the shoutouts, Jesus Christ Non-stop Now you live with your mom

And you said that she was gonna be really happy If you cut your hair And this is like the update on that How's mom feel about the new haircut? She's still mad that I don't have a full-time job Right She lied to you Wait, but you got the theater gig So how many, did you just work the Oscars? Pretty much Mad that I don't have a full-time job right

Wait, but you got the theater gig so how many did you just work the Oscars pretty much And then you're off the rest of the year. Yeah, I'm clocking out bitches see in 2016 You see people in a theater one day a year Wow I don't know what your mom thinks as an immigrant, but where we from in America, nigga, you made it. Hey! You made it. Yeah. You're living a dream. Yeah, you made it.

You made it. Whoa, Brody getting excited over there. I almost said it. I'm sorry, guys. Be careful. The guy from Breaking Bad sitting right next to you, the black guy. Oh, shit. There he is. I saw him eating potato chips out of

a backpack earlier. It was the highlight of my night. I know there's just one little bag of potato chips in the backpack, but I was picturing if the whole backpack was just potato chips when he was eating it. It was the most adorable thing, but I didn't want to draw attention to it.

It's like a kid's book. It's a magical backpack that keeps creating potato chips. It's never ending. To my secret. There he is, everybody. All right. Kenny, thank you so much. Thank you. You're a wacky dude.

Solid. Solid. Once a year? Shit. I just want to say it's an honor sitting over here with former Major League Baseball player Tony Gwynn. There he is. May you rest in peace.

Yeah. Did you get that? He got the reference. Thank you. Yeah. Brody Stevens. I did a John Riggins and a Tony Gwynn. So you threw athletes that are still alive.

So now we're just going to reference dead athletes. A question that I always ask my guests when they're on for the first time is, was there anything you said or did when you very first started stand-up comedy that you can't believe you did? You know, like how probably at some point, like, Magesha's going to look back on tonight's set and wish that she said other things.

You know what I mean? Like, probably. There were a lot of Hawaiian shirts in my past. Whoa! There was a lot of Hawaiian shirts in my past. That! There's a lot of Hawaiian shirts in my past. That's a classic youthful. When I landed at the comedy store ten years ago, I had a lot of Hawaiian shirts

when I do the open mic. It was like, that was my funny shirt. How would everybody know I was funny unless I had the Hawaiian shirt? And on really big Saturday nights, I had the Hawaiian shirt with a Van Halen shirt underneath the Hawaiian shirt just to double up how much I fucking love to party. Oh, shit. I get the

feeling Byron's not going to have the same answer as that. Hawaiian shirts and Van Halen t-shirts underneath them for you, Byron? No, I said pretty much fucked up things like I still do. I called a lady a gook one time.

Oh, wow. Was she Asian? Yeah, she was a... Was she Asian? That's like the Asian N-word. Yeah, she was a Vietnamese woman. She was talking during the show. She was Vietnamese talking during the show.

And I was like, hey, shut up, gook. And she was like, you shut up, nigga. And the whole place got started. Everybody else was white. And it was like you shut up nigga and the whole place got sucked up cause everybody else was white and it was like a standoff and I was like you know what I deserve that I apologize always let the Vietnamese win that's just the American way

yeah I fucked up I guarantee you right after that set they sent up a white kid in a Hawaiian shirt to clean up the room just to put everything back together you know how many people it takes to kick out an asian woman oh here's a mistake then doing the gong show in atlanta was a mistake because they boo they like to boo and um i was on stage and a gong just flew at my feet instead of them hitting it they was like nigga you know what to do with it as in the gong myself

you know what I mean did you do it that's so funny no I kicked the gong into the audience and the nigga just threw himself at the gong it was horrible wow that's amazing I hear horror stories out of Atlanta are we going to bleep out the n-word on this podcast

because I'm an audition alright Brody. This is like a no-win situation for me. You guys know that, right? You're killing. People are going to rave about you. You're doing well. You're crushing. We have a great synergy, Brody. I don't know. I'm already

on the chat room and it's not looking good. I'm not speaking well. You know what? I'm loving the show. Let's keep pushing. Here we are. We're at the part of our show where every week we have two regulars that go up and do a brand new minute every single week. It's insanity.

All of our fans have gotten to watch them grow like over the last year and a half, a brand new 60 seconds each week. They do it as well. So put your hands together for your first comedian going up tonight. You know her as the college dropout. Dropped out of her senior year at the University of Florida once she started stand-up comedy here at the Comedy Store on

this show. Brand new minute from the very funny Kimberly Congdon, everybody. Here she is. What's up, everybody? Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out pretty soon. And a lot of girls were really into that book. That was a really big thing a few years ago. A lot of chicks masturbated to Fifty Shades of Grey.

Not me. I couldn't. Too many paper cuts. I'm just kidding. I really don't know how people do that. I don't know how people masturbate to books. What are they like? Ooh, words. I like that noun. I don't get it. I'm starting to

realize that I have a type of guy and that type is unavailable. And I don't know? I'm starting to realize that I have a type of guy and that type is unavailable. And I don't know if I like unavailable men because my father was unavailable or mean guys just get me wet. It's too real. The other day a guy

messaged me on Facebook and he said he would give me $25,000 if I gave him a blowjob. And I'm not a prostitute, but I feel like $25,000 buys a lot of Listerine. Kimberly Congdon. A brand new minute. That's fun. Thanks. Kimberly Congdon. A brand new minute. That's fun.

Thanks. You did it again. Thank you. Anything for Kimberly, guys. What do you think? Brand new minute each week. How would that affect you? How would you guys handle that?

Have you used the previous minutes in other sets, or was it just like, now is it just a challenge to do this show, and then it's like, fuck that minute, it's not that good? Wait, I don't understand the question. Do these minutes translate to other shows you do? Oh, yeah, I use them in some of them. Yeah, the good ones go to the overall pattern. I go back and I look at them, and I pick the ones I like,

and now they're all starting to connect because they talk about a lot of the same things. I saw you before. I definitely think it's good. I think what they're doing is a good exercise. I wish I would have had this when I started. I'd probably be a paid regular by now. You are a paid regular. You're not a paid regular?

You've been a paid regular for six months. Yeah. Two years. Even Brody's a defendant. I than that. Yeah, there you go. Even Brody's a defendant. I pay attention. Basically what I'm saying, I think this is a good training ground. Absolutely.

They weren't booing the shit. There ain't nobody booing you. You know what I mean? This is great. I would have loved to come up in this environment. Have you ever read Fifty Shades of Grey? I tried to. That's why I made the joke, because I just don't get how people can get into it.

You tried to read the actual paper version of it? Yeah, and then it was just really sexual on paper, and I was like, you could just watch porn. Right. Do you think that you've gone so far down the porn path that now a mere book can't get you off anymore? I'm pretty deep in the porn path. Probably. Well, this is interesting. I don't know. Books. I found a book in this chick's drawer

you know how they got the drawer with all the condoms and shit and uh they do? women condom drawers condoms don't match you know how we got a box all the condoms got the same wrapper female condoms they don't match you just be like which size is my size

you know yeah all the options it's weird man two vibrators cause one's broke They don't match. You just be like, which size is my size? You know? Right. Like going to the foot lock or some shit. Yeah. It's weird, man. Two vibrators because one's broke. Sorting condoms in a book. Is this true? Are all the drawers the same?

Do you have a drawer like that? I don't have a book in mine. Or a broken vibrator. But I do have different condoms. They collect condoms, man. We do. Interesting. So if you get a guy back to your place and you like him enough, are you just like, go to the drawer?

Yeah, I send him to the drawer. Send him to the drawer. And he's like, there's no fucking books in here? You're like, sorry. Kimberly? Yeah, hey. This is a personal question. Oh, yeah, of course.

Did you happen to lose your virginity at Barnes & Noble? There you go, Brody. You're nailing it. That's going on my demo reel. I'm back. Fuck yeah, Kim. You did it again. Another new minute.

You're looking more comfortable on stage. I am? I don't feel like it. I mean, it don't matter as long as you look. You'll never really feel am? I don't feel like it. I mean, it don't matter. As long as you look, you'll never really feel that way. You might, but yeah.

Confidence. I was going to say that, but I'm trying to keep my words to a minimum. Very confident, Kimberly. It's always going to be hard. You never really get that much more comfortable on stage because once you keep doing good, then your expectations just go high with whatever you're doing. You know what I mean? And that Listerine joke was the best joke we've heard all night. It goes, like, Listerine joke and then, like,

Magasia's advertisement for a website. Right. The oils. Yeah. You know how you did a joke, that joke you did, that didn't hit like you wanted to and you just, like, you kept going? Yeah. That's how you know you're getting comfortable on stage.

You're like, okay, fuck it. Let's go. There you go, Kim. And by the way, there's a great open mic out in the valley to my apartment. Wow, Brody. I'm on fire. He's going for it. Closing strong, Brody.

There she goes, everybody. The great Kimberly Congdon, everybody. She's on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. She was on the Joe Rogan experience with me, Brian, and your next comedian, the final other regular who does another new minute each week, normally talks about something goofy and breaks it down bigger and expands an inanimate

object into something wackier than that. Very funny. Put your hands together for Sarah Weinshank, everybody. I don't understand people who have spice racks. I just don't feel like it's necessary. I feel like they want to be taken seriously in the culinary world. There is no need to have 16 spices.

There just isn't. What the fuck is coriander? Why do you have that? It is not the late Middle Ages. We're not going to be trading spices for furs and silks, guys. Thyme, but with a T-H. When you sound that shit out, it's like, fine. Like you have a lisp. Makes no sense. Saffron.

What do you use saffron for? Cumin? Spelled like cummin? C-U-M-I-N? It's confusing. All right. Crush Fest. All on one thing.

Stayed in the pocket. Spice rack all the way. That's great. I have no time for that or no time for that. I was waiting for that little time. You're totally right. I mean, at first I was like, wait, now you're going to talk about spices? I love nutmeg and cinnamon and a little thing here and there.

But then you're right. There is so many fucking spices that just suck. What do you even use them for? You did a great job of picking out the obscure spices that people have still heard of. Right. Like nobody knows what the fuck coriander is or what it's doing in your food, but we've all seen it there before. Right. A lot of people think that cinnamon and saffron are just Magatia Jackson sisters.

and saffron are just Magatia Jackson sisters. But the truth is there's spices as well. I like that one. You really need to have a kitchen set sometime where you do a 15 minute joke of all the different

things like Tupperware. We've heard a lot of this kitchen stuff. That's why it's really exciting for me to see Spice Rack and see that it's already ready to go. That's what's crazy about what they do. Writing a new minute each week is 52 writing minutes a year.

If only half of that sticks, that's amazing. There's your half hour. You can wire it together. If the stand-up doesn't work out, do you have a background in culinary arts? No. I mean, I can fuck around in the kitchen.

I can make it taste decent. You know? Hold on. Michael Perkinson just came in his pants. Did you just raise the roof, too? You literally raised your hands like you were on Space Mountain when you just heard about a girl that might be able to cook you halfway decent shit. Yeah.

Anytime a girl says the word kitchen twice, Michael freaks out. Look at that doof ball. What is he? You're going to make it, man. I can't believe you brought down the security at Jurassic Park by yourself. That was so crazy.

That's not it. That's not it. That's not it. Damn you, Newman. Wait, we got to show. I think that you and Michael should go on the road together and you just say, what the fuck is coriander? Then he tells everybody. Yeah, exactly.

That actually goes well in blue waffles. You guys just unite it. You guys would be a great team. Nothing better. Nothing better. I was going to call him a pig again. Forget it. Seasonings.

You're not that fat, by the way. There's a lot of. But your face is. So don't clap that hard. Guys, by the way. There's a lot of... But your face is, so don't clap that hard. Guys, I love it. That's Sarah Weinshank crushing for a minute. Nicely done. Her and Kimberly Congdon.

We're watching monsters grow here week after week with those two. She's Sarah Weinshank. Princess Shank on Twitter. Like to see her spice rack. Whoa, Brody going for it again. Somebody let Brody jerk off on them, please. He's getting a little horny over there. Brody, you're on Twitter at what?

All Things Brody? Brody is me friend? What is it now? Brody is me friend on Twitter. Thank you very much. And once I settled in here, I thought we all connected. Totally. Great synergy.

Thank you, Brody. You're one of our best Patriots ever, especially on this first ever live streaming episode. Big shout out to at Josh Martin comic Josh Martin sitting right over there in the ugliest t-shirt in the world. He has been hustling

around all day, setting everything up. Panicked at one point. We've done 91 episodes. He's never panicked to me before. Was panicking before this one. Told me that I should give him the information about the Patriot not dressing up earlier than 10 minutes before the start of the show. Is that me? Josh, I think

you might be taking things a little too seriously. It's okay. Yeah, he was upset that you were only wearing gloves. You're mad at me, Josh? No, no, no. It wasn't that. He called it unprofessional. Yeah. That's what he told everybody.

Yeah. Well. But thank you, guys. Maybe it was. And to our amazing guests, 5150 Ellis on Twitter, Byron Bowers on Twitter, SchmoesNo. Go get that on iTunes. Subscribe on YouTube. Yes.

SchmoesNo is unbelievable. That's where I check into for all my fun movie reviews Because I love fucking movies How great was Birdman you with me Birdman thinking she win best picture I totally agree Hopefully when Kenny Lyons seating people At the Kodak Theater you can slip that in the envelope Byron anything else you want to promote

We are live Guy Code every Wednesday At 1130 That's a popular show And the Eric Andre show Well that just ended Guy Code every Wednesday at 1130. That's a popular show. And the Eric Andre show. Well, that just ended. So tune in.

I'm going to film something else this year because I will. ByronBilesLive.com and Facebook and Twitter and all that shit. Lovely. Thank you guys so much. I am doing the 311 cruise at the end of February. What is that, Tony? 311 performs on a cruise ship with like 4,000 of their biggest fans. There's a bunch of other shows that go on. I'm opening for 311.

Wow. A band that I love. No big deal. Congratulations. Just getting paid to perform with a band that in high school I would save my money to go see, which is pretty fucking surreal. So I'm excited about that. 420 Vancouver, guys. Death Squad, 420.

Tweet at Comedy Central that you want to see Tony Hinchcliffe on the hashtag Bieber roast. Annoy the dog shit out of them until they simply can't take it anymore. roast. Annoy the dog shit out of them until they simply can't take it anymore. Do whatever it takes to try to get me on that thing so that other people that don't watch podcasts know how amazingly hilarious I am. Two million total views tonight on our live stream.

Two million. I'm pretty sure we went over the fire capacity of the belly room. Thank you so much, live audience. Red Band, anything else? Love you guys. Thank you. Roast Battle is next! Roast Battle!

Midnight! Woo! Ready, ready, ready. Thank you.