KILL TONY - KT #462 – QUARANTINED #17

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 07/08/2020 THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: ROMAN ED – Anyone who’s dealt with erectile dysfunction knows how awkward it can be to talk about inperson. Luckily, there’s a simple, convenient solution to get the treatment you need, withoutleaving the couch. Visit GETROMAN.COM/KILL for a free online visit and free two day shipping.

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show, and you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere. That's DeathSquad.tv. Tony has his own website. Go to TonyHinchCliff.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his own tour dates and his merch. That's TonyHinchCliff.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode. He sells prints of them. Go to RyanJEbelt.com and pick up some cool Kill Tony stuff. And last but not least, the official merchandise of the DeathSquad universe is ShopSquad.tv.

There you got some DeathSquad hats, shirts, and you also got some Kill Tony shirts left. That's at ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band. Come to live from the comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for TonyHinchCliff. Hello, everybody. I'm right here next to you already. Brian, hello, Brian Red Band. Hey. Look at you with your mask on. Feels great to be back. Whoa. Put it back on. Whoa. Look at her pretty microphone. Those are very cool. Yes, we have new microphones and we have disinfected microphones. We're rotating in new microphones as we go.

It's an exciting time. What do they call it? The new normal, right? Anyway, it's good to be here. I'm excited about this. We are back at the comedy store. There is a parking lot full of people that hopefully are watching the live feed of this show right now. David, you want to go check on that real quick? Instead of looking at your fucking phone, these people are unbelievable. We haven't missed a beat here at Kill Tony. It's exciting. We thank you to Betterbox. Thank you to L7 Studios. Thank you to Death Squad Studios. We've been all around. Beautiful Los Angeles. Any studio that wasn't looted, we did a version of this show at.

We went all around and now we are back home live streaming to people in the parking lot. That is what it has come to. How's it looking over there? We'll see. We're back at the comedy store, back at weird things that are happening. Exciting stuff. Well, in any matter, it's definitely going to be on YouTube in a few days or something like that, right? I'm excited to be here though. How's it going, David Good? Oh, it's not streaming. Okay. We'll figure that out. Will we? Who's going to figure it out? Me. That's what I'm doing with my left hand. Oh, look at that. Well, you could use both hands if you want because I am so excited right now that I am bonered up, dude. I have a full boner right now and you look. I know there's a lot of

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off and free shipping with the code killtony at manscape.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com and use the code killtony. Yippee-doo-da-day. That's done. We have no guests tonight as with all of the more quarantine-esque episodes. However, we do have a band and they every single episode commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They disappeared to the back about 15 minutes ago and have been preparing for tonight's show. We have no idea what they're going to be. Maybe it's some of our favorite characters from the past. Maybe it's brand new characters we've never seen before. Let's all find out together. It's the best band in the land, the killtony band, Jeremiah Watkins, the return of Carl

McCris and Joel Jimenez, everybody. Here we go. Uh-oh. I know that music. I know that music. And so does the, yes, thank you. So does the YouTube algorithm for sure. Hello. It's the Cat Burglars, everybody. The return of the Cat Burglars. How exciting is this? Welcome, guys. Very famous characters known for saying Cat Burglars. That's pretty much it. I love it. And you guys were also on the, uh, the 2020 band calendar. What month were you guys on? I do not know. Oh, you don't know? I remember you guys being on there. They sold out of 2020 band calendars. That is a technicality. There is a stack somewhere in somebody's closet. Oh, well, I'm sure it was close. The Cat Burglars are here. I'm excited.

Your name's just Cat Burglar, right? Cat Burglar. And you're also Cat Burglar? Cat Burglar, too. I can't give my identity, but I do have to be completely honest. Business has been a little slow right now because everyone's at fucking home. It is very hard to sneak in if you're at fucking home. You didn't have an accent there for a second. And then it came back. They do not have accents. I'm, uh, I'm, uh, good at disguising. It's an American Cat Burglar. Okie dokie. And, uh, then what do we got back there? What's your name, little cowboy? Uh, Phil. Um, it's just, it's fun watching Chroma, uh, figure out what the room is like with no audience for the first time. Anyway, back to you in the studio, Tony. It was just as good seeing Joel figure out the audience

for the first time. I love this. You guys are having a cat fight, a cat, cat burglar fight. It's true. We are stealing Tony's time right now. Hey, well, welcome guys. I'm glad that you're here. We're going to have some fun today. And this, the return episode to the comedy store. Very exciting stuff. I haven't seen, uh, Cat Burglar 2 reminds me of a guy I haven't seen in months named Chroma Chris. And I'm very excited, uh, to be this close to someone like you. I have no idea who you're talking about Tony. Okie dokie. On with the show we go. And, uh, I have some, uh, some exciting stuff. We have, uh, some people are here. And we also have the bucket of destiny is active tonight. There are a grand total of four predetermined healthy people in the bucket of destiny tonight.

And, uh, some new couple old. And we're going to see how it goes. Um, but first to get the show started with a bang. Ladies and gentlemen, a legend on this show. You have to wait. You have to wait like a professional. Uh, he is, uh, the longest tenured regular in the history of the show. Um, he is known as the big red machine. This is his first time back at the comedy store in a long time. He was so excited that he almost ran up on the stage before I even said anything about him at all. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the return to get things started of William Montgomery, everybody. Here he is. Wow. What's up, y'all? I'm, uh, now Hispanic. You can call me Selena. I do F COVID 14. I am making a sequel to saving Silverman. It's where I

convinced Jonathan Silverman not to jump. Uh, did anyone else think the granny and Mrs. Doubtfire looked like Robin Williams? Uh, all it takes is a tongue to make the peace sign vulgar. That's a pussy, Joe. Um, I'm making a new butterfly effect movie, but every time the story is retold, you just end up being a basketball player. Mitch told me that. That didn't work, you piece of shit. Um, if we're talking about Syria, we're not talking about Jesus. We're talking about Brandon. Fuck yeah, William Montgomery. The return of William Montgomery, William, how are you? It is so nice to be here. I feel a breeze

on my penis. Is it chilling? Nope. Well, actually your zipper is down. Now you said you broke your shorts last week. You told me this. Uh, you still haven't fixed them or bought a new pair of shorts. Yeah, I gained weight and now I bought a size 40 waist. Uh, and it turned out to be too big. It was a little too husky. Let me see. What do you have a belt there? Yeah, you do. You have a little elastic belt. Oh my God. Look at your stop. Basically, I'm still working at the storage in a place. I think I'm fired now, but I was showing someone, uh, I don't know, 10 by 10 to my 15 something telling them the amenities and I felt a breeze on my penis and I looked down and my penis was poking out of my boxers. Is that true? It's true. So it was out of your boxers and out

of the open hole in your pants. It was just my penis head was just out of my boxers. How about your pubic hair? Have you been manscaping? I have never messed with my pubes. So that's a little beef I got with y'all with the manscaping. Yeah. I think the women, uh, like a full bush. You do. Have you ever, but you've never even seen their reaction to anything else? No, I have. In South Korea two years ago, I was there. The women were like, Oh, you have red. Oh, you have red. Yeah. Wait, wait. What did they say? Oh, you have red. Yeah. You have red. What? Hair. Oh, red hair. That's what. Oh, you have red. Yeah. Oh, okay. And I show to my pubes and some of my pubes are longer than my penis. Yeah, you need a manscape. I'm not manscaping. What were you just saying?

Who said that? It was the cat burglar. I'm glad it wasn't you, you motherfucker. Whoa. Cat burglar, too. That first thing you said tonight was not good. Wow. What did he say? Oh, hey, what's up? I like it. Jemima. He didn't even say that, William. He's a racist piece of shit from Arkansas. He went to the University of Arkansas. Did you just see Mrs. Doubtfire this week for the first time? I did. I saw that in Aliens 3. Aliens 3. Well, what an interesting where do you usually watch your movies at? What library? At a library. That was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Redman, I wish you were Jamaican like Sean Paul. Why do you why do you wish that? I was hoping that was going to get a bunch of laughter.

It took me a while to write that one. There's nobody here. There's not even people in the room. How come? Hey, Redman, I wish you were Jamaican like Sean Paul. William, what'd you do this week? Anything, anything healthy? I got, well, I got my review back from work literally after two years. You would think I was the worst employee they've had. I didn't get a raise. I still make minimum wage after two fucking years. But they give you, they give you health insurance benefits. What was that noise? I picture me being with Princess Diana, just with the drunk guy driving, just him making that noise before he hits the pole. That's actually what happened. There it is. That's what it sounded like. So William,

two years minimum wage still at this job, but they give you health insurance. Is that correct? They do. And do you ever use that health insurance? I do. What did you use it for during the pandemic? I have what people called a hammer toe, a ascending testicle. I have a testicle in my ball sack that goes up into my tummy. I had to pay. Is that what that is that protrudes out of your tummy? I had to pay $1,500 out of pocket. Oh my goodness. Hey, Michael, shut it down, dude. This isn't working out. And I hate that bitch came with you. You know I hate her, dude. Oh my God, William. Get her the fuck out of here, William. Nobody's even over there. Dude, Michael, you know I hate her, dude. Nobody's over there, William. You have a lot of anger in you

this week. I do. After the bad report at work, I swear to God, Tony. What exactly did that report say? Word for word. I want to know exactly what the report said. It said I don't do good at the sales calls. It said I have low energy. Let's try it. Let's see what one of those feels like. I'm calling you right now. Okay, I'm calling you. You pick up. Hey, thanks for calling storage, et cetera. This is William. Hi, William. Oh, okay. I'm interested in having a storage unit. I need to put some shit in it. What are you storing? I'm storing a bunch of baseball cards. What do you need to store? Baseball cards. How long do you need to store? A lot of them. How are you getting your things here?

A car? Yeah, actually, yes. Okay. Five by five. 77 bucks. How does that sound? Man, you sound like a shitty salesperson. Come on, Tony. You start at the smallest storage unit? Five by five. You have baseball cards. Five by five. What are you back in South Korea? Yeah, I'm in South Korea right now. Five by five. I have a question for William. Cat burglar. Yes, do you ever rent out your stomach as storage space because there's a lot there to work with? That was really funny. William, other thoughts about watching Mrs. Doubtfire this weekend? By the way, the granny in Mrs. Doubtfire was Robin Williams. That's why she wasn't really. What happened to him? He had a disease or something. Why did he kill

himself? Oh my goodness. Yeah, no, that's that's mental. It was funny. I loved him when he played the genie. Yeah, Aladdin. Loved Aladdin. You ain't never had a friend like me. Yeah, I was in Aladdin. Oh, you were in Aladdin. I was in Aladdin. Wow. I didn't I didn't notice you there. What character did you play in Aladdin? I played one of the street urchins with three the three Barcy twins. Judith, what are you all fucking doing here right now? William, don't acknowledge anything that you I'm kidding. We I kissed one of them one time and the two brothers. No, there's nothing. There's nothing going on over there. Okay, okay. Just focus on the questions. So the bar sees what's going on. Why'd you do that finger thing? What? Don't worry about it. We're about being funny.

Huh? What do you mean? I've been waiting. I'm about to lose my job. Yeah. Why don't you bring it to the stage, ma'am? What do you mean bring it to the stage? Let's talk about you losing your job. That's seriously. What do you mean? A lot of particles going on. I'm sick right now. They measured my temperature. I have 101. Wow. That's a fever in my book. That's a joke for all the health department people watching live right now. Yeah. Good luck to the piece of shit that talks in this thing next. Danny, Danny up in the bird's nest just put his mask on too. Good job, Danny. You pussy. No, don't make fun of Danny. No, yeah. Look, I'm telling you, I was kidding. Danny, I love you, dude. I tried to warn you. You can't remember when we kissed two weeks ago. No, don't do that. Oh, it doesn't

work. You can't make fun of Danny. I know I love him. There you go. Danny, give me the peace sign. Okay. How's your relationship going? Are you still with that girl that beats you up? We are, we are going to Las Vegas tomorrow. Oh, that's cool. Going to Vegas tomorrow. Are you going to take that other comedian that she was fucking before you? I am thinking about it. The guy, it turns out the guy is very nice. We met a couple weeks ago at a bowling alley just in the parking lot. They're obviously closed, but we met each other. He seemed super nice. He's coming along with us to the Bellagio. Yeah, I bet he is. I bet you guys are super excited. He doesn't have pubes. I do. So it's sort of a, it's sort of a hodgepodge. What happened to his pubes? Did they all get lost

in your girlfriend's vagina when you were sucking her? It was an issue of a fire. Oh, who's, who started, who's going to start the fire? I swear to God. No, but seriously, if y'all asked me, who's sort of one of my, one of my biggest fantasies is being with that guy who brought all the weapons up. He brought all the weapons up to that hotel room in Vegas and started shooting all of those people at the country music concert. I swear to God y'all, in my fantasy world, when the South Korean chick is looking at my pubes and I get pissed and I'm hanging out with the guy that used to go out with my girlfriend, I'm going to be clutching on to one of my weapons, break out one of the fucking windows and start fucking shooting. I noticed you started sweating a lot more when

I brought up that comedian that was fucking your girlfriend before, like you're covered in sweat. I did. I don't know really. The first eight minutes you were up here cussing at everybody, having a good old time. I brought up one guy fucking laying pipe into your girlfriend. Now you're dripping with sweat. What am I supposed to do? Another story. What am I? You say that. Go friends, vagina. It's not funny anymore y'all. I think we're going to get married in Vegas this week. Oh my God. Are you really thinking about that? I'm really thinking about it. You should go back to that bowling alley and split. Can you say that a little bit slower? Have you ever considered that there's probably never been a worse time to go to Las Vegas than right now? Do you think it's

safe if I wear a face mask? The new slogan is what happens in Vegas comes back with you to Los Angeles. That's true. You might not, if you go to Vegas, you might not be able to join us this week. Yeah, you won't be able next week either to do your brothers and curses. Come on. Kill Tony. Come on. Don't go to Vegas. Come on. No, stay in LA. Come on. You work for minimum wage at a storage facility. You know what I heard earlier? Are you going to go there and put your 60 bucks all on black or something? Everything's closed. I put it on red. Okay, I really do. I'm looking forward to playing roulette. Talking about, yeah, the podcast. I loved it. Two people alerted me. Bert Kreischer and what's his name? Tom Segura. Tom Segura. At the end of their podcast today,

they had a freestyle episode. So I love it, but I see that and it horrifies me. Why? And I start thinking, where do you motherfuckers live? Do y'all think I don't drive a car around? Do y'all think I can't find your policies on some sort of winding road? Do y'all really think I have anything to lose? Because I swear to God, I fucking don't. Okay, I will find where y'all live if y'all keep stealing my shit. What did that? What happened? Oh, that is right. Bert Kreischer famously says he took my nightmare thing and then and then he took the freestyle thing. And again, what was the freestyle thing? What freestyle thing did you just at the end? David Lucas and I are saying we freestyle. Oh, I didn't know that you guys. Some people alerted me. I never made it to

the end of one of the episodes of your podcast. So that's pretty funny. All right, William, fun times, dude, way to get the party started here tonight. This is very unorthodox and audience-less. It is so nice to actually see y'all tonight. Yeah, for sure. This is the first time that we've seen William in months because we're dead. And the Barcy Twins. Let's give it up for them, y'all. The Barcy Twins. Absolutely. There you go. William Montgomery, everybody. William Montgomery. There he goes. He touched me. You don't start the fire. Hey, look at that. A new microphone. Shout out to David Deary helping us out big time tonight. Keeping everything nice and clean. It's incredible. Thank you, David.

How about a big hand for David Deary? Oh, there's only a few people. I miss him. A few staff members. Okay, we're going to go to the bucket for the first time in months. How about that? The first time in months that we go to the bucket, we're going to see which one of four names get pulled out. Oh, this is very exciting. I just hung out with this last man, this next man. Last night, we are good friends. He is not only a great comedian, but one of the most promising employees here at the Comedy Store. A guy that hangs out late. He's part of the cool kids. Ladies and gentlemen, a good friend of mine. Ladies and gentlemen, the great Mitch Burrow, everybody. Here we go. Mitch Burrow. Thank you. I really hate being fat. I used to not be fat,

because I used to be in the Marine Corps. What bothers me the most is that I've been the same size now for five years. Still, whenever I see somebody that I haven't seen a month or two, they'll come up to me and be like, damn, Mitch, you look good. Are you losing weight? I'm just like, how fat am I in your memory that every time you see me, you're just like, oh, that's not as bad as I recall, actually. I miss not being fat because I used to fuck a lot more. Just at all, really. I used to fuck sometimes. I miss it. I actually lived in Asia for three years. I fucked a lot of Asian chicks when I was over there. It wasn't like a fetish or anything, just more of what was available at the time. One of my friends found out they used to fuck a lot of Asian chicks and he got

excited. He was like, dude, I love Asian chicks. I want to hook up with more Asian chicks. What's the secret? And I was like, well, I moved to Asia. So I don't know how much you're willing to commit to this, but that's what I had to do. Fuck yeah, Mitch Burrow. Absolutely. Mitch is a great comedian here at the Comedy Store. Very, very, very happy that you're here with us. We've been kicking it this weekend. We've been hanging out, having fun, and I was able to sweet talk you into coming on here. Yeah, I was happy to do it. Indeed. Yeah. It's been three months since I've done stand-up comedy, which I think was very obvious. No, that was great. That was great. I must admit, though, you look great. You've lost a lot of weight since last night. Since last night? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I feel like I lost some weight after last night. Yeah, we had fun last night. Mitch and I all just come out and say it. We smoked DMT last night. Wow. We did. Yeah. And Mitch smoked a lot more than I did. I fucking went to a place and then I looked at Tony and I said, oh, you're a bad person. Wow. You saw that with your mind's eye? I saw his soul. Oh, fuck yeah. You don't even need DMT for that thing. That's very true. You could just do this show and find out. How did Tony act on DMT? Was he talking about himself still? No, he didn't say he wanted to watch more reruns of this show, though. That is true. I do love watching reruns of this show. There wasn't a certain duality to it, though, because even though he scared me, I still grabbed onto his shoulder.

He wouldn't let go of me. I was like, you're my anchor? And I need you because I can't go to this place again. Yeah, I was keeping him. Even though I'm a dark spirit, I was keeping him right where he wanted to be. When people smoke DMT, they see God. Tony just sees himself. Oh, there's the first Joel Berg chant in months from someone back there. I like that. Hey, Joel. I love that. Yeah, that was fun. What did you see in the experience? Did you see any visuals? I told you, I saw that Tony is a bad person. That was it. It encompassed everything. Well, the problem for me was I don't know if I just hit it harder than everybody. He really did. He hit it much harder. And I don't know if you even remember this. You did two rounds.

I did two rounds, yeah. And he did a lot of funny things. He was killing the entire time for 10 minutes straight. I should have done it before this set. He's sort of rough to do DMT around, because all he did was talk the entire time while everybody else is just sort of like wham, wham, wham. Mitch is like, you're a fucking dark spirit. But he also said it was funny. Annie was sitting there on her boyfriend's lap and out of nowhere, he goes, what the fuck? Are you two dating? They'd clearly been clearly dating caught me off guard. And then there's also a dog on Annie's lap. And it had been there for like 30 minutes. And he's like, oh, fuck where that fucking dog come from? Are you dating? I don't know if anyone's ever

done drugs before, but it fucks with your perception of shit. Yeah. And DMT might be the strongest one. Is that your first time doing it? No, I've done one of those pins before, but it was my first time doing it with that many people around. I've done it with one person with me. So that was a little more relaxed. This was, and plus, like no one got as high as me. So then I was like, am I okay? Yeah, which is something I ask myself a lot of times anyway. Mitch not only hit the DMT pin, he also hit the KFC pen. He has a vape pen that is just the flavor of chicken. It's just a straw that I suck gravy out of. So that's fun. Mitch and I were having a lot of late nights here, heckling and playing around with the great Don Barris. Towards the end here,

we were on a real run. Just constantly trying to get pussy and it wasn't working for me. You were. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then Tony would just make fun of me thinking that I could have sex. It was great. Oh, the audience is loved it because you are, you're a, you're a very handsome guy. You're a good target for that. How long have you worked at the comedy store? I've been at the comedy store since Halloween of 2018. Okay. That's awesome. Halloween's a fun night to start, huh? Yeah. I just put on the costume and then I decided to keep doing it. I guess. Yeah. People are like, oh, look, someone dressed up as the Michelin man for Halloween. The Cap Burglars are here. Have you ever burglarized anything? Did you loot anything or anything like that this year? Just, you know,

houses when I was in the military and I write. Oh, okay. Is that a thing that a lot of American soldiers did? Right? Wow, that's a bit of a real bit of quickly. No, it's like you go on the like old bases and stuff and you're just like, oh, shit, the fucking AK-47. That looked, that looked cool at home. Hell yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Did you, did you take anything that you, you still have that you really like? No, I didn't, I didn't transport anything that cool back, but I did have some friends that now have AK-47s tucked away somewhere. Okay. Do they like check your bags? Yeah. So we worked on helicopters and so we were able to like take the floorboards out of the helicopters, stick the stuff under the floorboards and then fly back with like we just

smuggled shit back. With children's shoes and clothing. I'm glad you added shoes to the end of that. All right. That's even creepier. Just bring in Delia, his fans back. I shouldn't have said that. I should have said that. I fucked up. No, it's all good. It's all good. There's no Delia fans here. This place is 21 and over. So just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Chris, he's not watching. He might be actually. He actually might be. There's nothing else going on. He didn't, he didn't even, he didn't even want to do the show six months ago. Now he's watching it. How does it feel, buddy? No, I'm kidding. Just joking. Again, I'm joking. Anyway, yikes. What's the youngest girl you ever hooked up with, Mitch? Segway.

That's a Segway right there. Last year I fucked a 22 year old. Hey, look at that. And then the next morning she goes, so how old are you? And I was like, how do you think I'm 39, by the way? And I go, how do you think I am? And she's like, like 30. And I was like, no, I'm 39. And then she never talked to me again. Oh my goodness. She should see you since you lost all that weight, dude. Yeah. Yeah, you look great, dude. You look great. What kind of, what kind of, do you do any exercising, anything to get the heart going? Yeah, you saw me last night. I was wrestling a 19 year old. He was wrestling Curtis's, I believe he's a blue belt son. He is a blue belt and he was Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fucking your

world up. He did. He did beat me three times. You probably have a good, what would you guys figure it out? 150 pounds. I'm probably, I probably weigh 150 pounds more than him. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, it was hilarious. I mean, we were fucking dying. I mean, to be fair, he trains. Yes. Yes, it was blue belt versus. And also, you know, I don't know. Curtis is hearing it. He was fucking corner manning him the whole time. No one was sitting in my corner being like, Hey, do this move. No, we were all laughing. They were just like, you know, do the move where you sit on it. Do like swing, swing around, get him in a full guard. Like no one was helping me. So, you know, like that's the fucking bullshit that I have to deal with. Okay, I'm fighting on

my own out there. I ain't part of the fucking Nelson clan, apparently. You look like you train though. Like Choo Choo trained. Oh, fuck. Yeah, you got choked out a couple. Did you go unconscious the first time we were all? No, I'm a bitch, dude. I tapped real quick. Okay, that's as soon as I felt his arm around Monday. He didn't even do it that hard. I was just like, yeah, we're done. Yeah. Normally when Mitch taps, it's on a drive through window that's closed at nighttime. Oh, fuck, yeah. So what have you been doing doing during this quarantine to fucking stay sane? I do a lot of camping, do a lot of off roading in my Jeep. Yeah, you do have an awesome Jeep. In fact, I'll tell this quick story is that one of the days one of the nights I was

out coming, I think I was coming from one of the shows. And I drove by what I thought was Mitch's Jeep and the guy was actually shaped like him. I got next to him and I rolled my window down and this is a true story. I was like, Mitch, Mitch and the guy had headphones in and he turns and he looks at me and he goes, the fuck did you just call me? He thought I was calling him a bitch. But it wasn't you. No, he actually knew who I was and he was upset that you would get us confused. I love it, man. Very funny videos. I also, one of you guys were in quarantine. You and the other door guys have been making your own series and it kind of was fun to watch because it kind of made me feel like you guys really do act like that when you're at home, like wearing your

door guy shirts and like, yeah. So we made like we were missing work and we just decided to start making videos of us checking IDs and shit. And then the first video we posted got 125,000 views. Wow, that's great. I had it pinned on my Twitter because Chris Delia retweeted it because we included his Netflix special. Oh, so I've since unpinned that. That's a shame. That's a shame. You must have gotten so many hits on. Yeah, I got a lot of new young fans. It worked out good. There you go. I love it. And what is your social media so that people can follow you? Everything is Mitch Burrow at Mitch Burrow. Tick tock Twitter.

M-I-T-C-H-B-U-R-R-O-W. Yeah, man. Is that different than Joe Burrow? Oh, he's Bert. Yeah, he's a UGH. No, I think he's got an S on the end. Okay. Or maybe we're maybe we're cousins. Yeah, something like that. I mean, obviously, world-class athletes. Now, you're from Atlanta outside of Atlanta. Let me ask you something. Let me ask you something. You're a real look at you. I mean, you're a real big. I don't like the Confederate flag, Tony. What do you think about the statues, though? What about the statues? Take them down. Take them down. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Those aren't my fucking heroes. Right. You know, if there was some fucking NASCAR

shit that people were fucking up, I'd be upset. You love NASCAR. I love NASCAR. That's right. What do you think about the Bubble Wallace situation? I love him. I wish he'd win a race so I could feel better about supporting him. Yeah, it is weird, right? I mean, come on. I mean, there's got to be some black drivers out there that could win. That's what we really never win in NASCAR. I mean, have they ever thought about, like, jumping out of the car and just sprinting to the finish line? Is that an option? Because they're pretty fast. Wow. That's a stereotype. That's a good stereotype to have. I think it really matters. I think I think it's all about the car, like what car they steal, you know, before the.

Oh my goodness. Red ban. Red ban. Yeah, it's a joke. You guys all want to do it together. You know, the problem is that it's hard for them to see the track because the windows are tended. Oh my goodness. I was going to say they never finish a race because they keep getting pulled over. Oh shit. Oh my God. You know, they they banned the Confederate flag from all of the races, but the only race that they really banned it from is the white race. Oh, that's a goddamn shame. That's one of my favorite races. New York, New York Marathon. The white. Oh, Jeremiah, I didn't recognize you. That's cap burglar. All right. Well, Mitch, so much fun. I'm so glad you did this. Hey, man. Yeah, I don't regret it. I fucking love

you. You're an awesome guy on stage and off. And I think that the fans at home watching are, you know, we always introduce them to a lot of people that always blow up, you know, preacher Lawson. And I mean, look, they like fucking William Montgomery. I'm like William Montgomery just not retarded. Right. Exactly. Come on. Who do you want your hero to be? Not that fucking guy. Exactly. You construct. I just want to take William out. That's my whole I'll come back every time you just fucking get rid of that guy. Serious joke writers hate silly people. It's just a nature of the game. William Silly. Andy's in your weight class and that's you know what I mean? You guys are competitive. You guys are going out for the same roles,

jelly roles and dinner roles. All right. Thanks. I enjoyed it. Mitch Burrow, ladies and gentlemen. Fuck yeah, Mitch. Fun times. Yeah. Easy breezy. Yeah. Mitch is, Mitch is hilarious. Did he, did he start off in the La Jolla comedy store? Is that believe he started off in Atlanta, right, Mitch? Seattle. Hell yeah. Absolutely fucking doodling. All right, we're going to go back to the bucket again. We're back to the bucket again. And your next comedian. I know this guy, ladies and gentlemen, he is about to go on stage for the very first time in his entire life. He became one of everybody's favorite employees here at the

comedy store when he started. Definitely one of my favorite employees. I made sure nobody ever picked on this kid. I absolutely love them with all my heart. Super silly guy. I coined his nickname that everybody calls him for him and that name is cackles everyone. His very first time on stage here. Cackles. Here he is. Cackles. If you could tell what I look, my mom used to clean condos. I believe that Filipino girls are the poor guys Chinese girlfriends. I used to date a Latina girl and then I realized Filipino girls are mixed with both and I realized I can have a wife without cheating. Oh, I believe you not live in life until you get molested. I really don't have much. No, I don't know. Cackles everybody in and out 36 seconds of bloody murder.

I missed you. I missed everybody here. That was incredible. Cackles. That was great. You have a very unorthodox style of half written jokes and I like it. Straight from the heart. Straight from the heart. Straight from the life. I love it. As you could tell by the way I look, you can tell my mom used to clean condos. Yes, sir. I go around and tell school all the teachers that my mom's clean condoms. Oh, condoms. Oh, because you thought that it was you got them confused. You thought it was condoms. I love that. That's adorable. Cackles gained popularity here very quickly by being just a very positive guy around the comedy club. He runs food. He runs it fast. Runs it hard. You've been staying in shape during this quarantine. Of course. Yes. Yeah. I've been practicing

around the chicken at the house. You still practice running chicken tenders even while you're at home. That's just incredible. I love it. He stays in shape all year round. You look like you live behind a pawn shop. He looks like he lives in front of a pawn shop actually. What part of town do you live in Cackles? Glendale. Oh, okay. Have you lived there? Have you lived there since you moved here? Yes, about like seven and a half years. You brought your mom to the comedy store a few times. She's always had fun. We're friends with your dad, PDC. Oh, yes. I miss him. I haven't seen him since the lockdown. He avoids me. Like he does with all his kids. Your mom knows how to party. She gets down at the comedy store. Oh, yes, she does. I had a banner for her. I was like, mom got chill out.

Yeah. I once saw her vomiting in a trash can in the parking lot one night. Yeah, it was hilarious. Poor Cackles was holding his mother's hair back. I'm like, damn. I'm like, Cackles is hooking up with some chick that's vomiting. And then she lifted up her head. I'm like, oh, hi, Mrs. Cackles. You remember that? You remember Mrs. Cackles? Yeah, they call her Mrs. Cackles. Sorry, Mrs. Cackles. What does your mom do for work? She's actually, she's on disability. So, yeah, she don't work no more. Hell, yeah. What kind of disability are we, are we claiming here? She gets OCD and OCD, I think it's called, and she has like a brain disease. More like Icy. Orange. And also OPP. She goes down with them. She's down with the OPP.

Have you guys, you guys drink Fago? No. No. What are you, what is your mom drink? She likes Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew. There it is. That's what I'm saying. PDC. Absolutely. He's got Mountain Dew energies. A little bit of champagne and Mountain Dew. Cackles was born. Oh, that's all it takes. That's good. That's called doing it. Doing it. Do the do. My goodness. And your father, what's up with him? Where's he at? I've actually never met him. Never met him. Well, we got good news for you. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cackles is here. Oh, nothing on that. But if I say, he's going to start the fire. I was excited. Oh, there he is. His father is here.

Has your mom ever told you anything about your father? No, not really much, but I did find him on Facebook just recently. Oh, wow. What's that? Like, do you message him? I did, but he asked me to borrow some money. Are you serious? Where did he live? Where did he? In Iowa still. Wow. He's like, I borrowed 100 bucks. I'm like, what the fuck, no.

Damn. He opened up with that right away, huh? Well, he took like a month to ask. Wow. Do you know what he does for a living? I do not. I don't think it's much if he's asking his son for 100 bucks right from the get. You're just there on Facebook. Oh my goodness. This is incredible. This is like,

this is like the trash that builds up at the bottom of a trash can that has like a liner in it. But like, you know, you don't like scrub the bottom of the trash can every single time you take that liner out. Like, it's usually like, it's sort of like, you know, sort of like builds up after. Cut to cackles doing DMT with you. I would do cackles with them. I mean, I would do. Oh, you guys heard it. Sante, I would do cackles with them.

I would do DMT with cackles. All right. That's what I'm only think some gay. So come on now. That's not helping much. Why does she think you're gay? Because I had like my tooth removed. I had like two wisdom teeth.

Your mom thinks you're gay. Yeah, because when I came up after that, they had me asleep from the anesthetics. So when I woke up, I was like, first thing I said was talking about the golden pony and calling you masters. Oh, that's hilarious. I think you're some gayer than you know. That is hilarious. Why would you talk about Tony when you're coming out of consciousness? Have you ever been put under?

Yeah, but the last thing I did was talk about you and I see you. Well, I know you. I know you didn't talk about me, but when you came back from being put under, were you thinking weird things? No, I was more like amazed, like, where am I? Am I at the hospital? Who was with you? Uh, uh, ex-girlfriend.

My mom made a video of it, too. It's so bad. Really? Yes. Oh, I got to see that. Oh my god, send it to us so we can put it on this episode right here. I don't have it right now. No, not right now.

But down the, that we're both, send it tonight or tomorrow or something. All right, I'll do that. What else have you been doing during the quarantine to keep yourself busy? Oh, not really much smoking weed. And like, I got a job making mass part time and not really much is trying to avoid everybody. Just not get sick. You have a girlfriend right now? I do, yes.

Yeah, where'd you meet her at? Um, actually online on Facebook. Whoa, look at you making all the relationships on Facebook. That's how it happens. An app most people have deleted at this point, but not you. You're thriving over there. I do. My goodness.

That's where my fans are at. So what does your girlfriend do? She actually don't work, no. Oh, wow. Does anybody that you know work at all? No, I'm the one that fucking works, me and my brother. My goodness, gracious. And is she, is she, uh, how does she have money then?

A family. Wow. By the way, that's why he's called Cackles. I don't know if you guys can hear, but after everything he says, he goes, Cackles famous at the comedy store. It's crazy to think that you're like the richest person out of your family and everybody too. It was like shit.

And you're a food runner at the comedy store, which has been closed for months, but they've been taken. They took care of you. Right. What part of Iowa are you from? Boone, Iowa. Was there a happy Joe's close to you? I don't really remember.

All right. Happy Joe's. Legendary pizza no longer open. How long ago has been closed for like eight to 10 years, probably. That's right. I forgot. Jeremiah has some, um, some family members in Iowa. Some of the very,

Can I tell a story about you meeting my aunt at the show? Yeah, sure. Go ahead. So Tony, uh, we're doing a meet and greet after the show. And Tony and Brian are waving me over saying there's a line of people here to take pictures. I say, I'll be with you at one moment. I haven't seen this family for years. A couple of family members, right?

Yes. A couple of family members. And, um, uh, it's my aunt and, uh, that whole side of my mom's family. They come to see the show in Des Moines, Iowa. And, uh, and Tony comes over again. He's like, Jeremiah, seriously, there are a lot of people here. I'm like, oh, yeah, they're literally like, we'll wait. Well, we're going to wait.

And so a second line started for a group picture waiting for Jeremiah while he's talking to these. Fuck and go ahead. So I introduce Tony to my aunt. I say, Tony, this is, uh, some of my closest relatives here from Iowa. And Tony goes without hesitation. Well, you must not be that close. I didn't see you at his wedding. And me and let, and let me paint the picture a little more.

This is my poorest side of the family that could not afford to fly to Los Angeles to come to my wedding. And instantly, uh, you see why people consider Tony a bad person on DMT. Look, I was just trying to connect. I don't even think she heard me over the, over the sound of her oxygen tank. You know what I mean? Like, one of my aunts has an oxygen tank. That is, uh, that is actually true. She is breathing problems.

Tony was roasting her as soon as she, uh, went to the car. Very sad affair. I laughed, but I cried on the inside later that night. Look, I mean, you know, that's what they, you know, that's what they get. They get a little light roasting. I didn't see you at the wedding. Just killing them. You know, that wasn't that bad.

I forgot about that too. Wow. I did not forget. I love it. Well, look at that. Cackles reminded us of, uh, the Iowa trash that Jeremiah's related to. We're connected by the trash. Absolutely.

We're all connected by the trash. I'm Ohio trash, red bands, Ohio trash. There we go. Joel's family drinks puddle water out of the LA river. Puddle water boy over there. Chrome actually comes from a good white family. It's like the Bruce Wayne of kill Tony's powerful parents. They were murdered at a young age.

I'm just kidding. Your parents are alive. The Mendes brothers, um, actually just my dad is alive. Oh, okay. I fucked up again. There you go. Don't do DMT with me, everybody. No, seriously.

Thank you, Tony. It was great. There he goes. Cackles, everybody is first time ever on stage. Having fun up here, kicking butt. We're moving along. Cackles. All right.

Here we are. David Deerey. We love you. David Deerey works. David Deerey works with the great powerful Donnell Rawlings. And the new Joel Berg podcast. Yeah, literally two of the funniest people I know in the world. David Deerey works with all of them.

The man behind the fucking mask. He's at David Deerey at MF David Deerey on all things social media. He's a great guy and a great help and a great positive energy and spirit to have around. Keeping this thing moving along, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to another regular everybody. This young man is a hilarious joke writer, hilarious roaster. I'm so excited to see him back in front of a very small audience. Ladies and gentlemen, the great David Lucas is here in the flesh.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The world is crazy right now. Black people ask for equality. And white people started taking niggas off of breakfast foods. Like, I want black people on my fucking pancake box. Don't nobody want no fucking aunt Susan's pancakes. White women don't even know how to make pancakes.

They only know how to make French toast. They want us to stop saying the word master bedroom. They want us to use the word primary bedroom. Like that's the gayest shit ever. What the fuck is wrong with the world? I'll be damned if I buy my mansion and refer to it as the primary bedroom. Like, no, I fuck my bitches in the master bedroom. My kids sleep in the secondary bedroom.

Pretty soon you ain't going to be able to get a master's degree. Like, I don't know what the fuck we're going to name it. Just call it a salary degree. That's the safest shit you can do to satisfy these. White people are the ones getting mad at this shit anyway. It's not even black people that are mad at these words. That's the craziest part about it. Thank God.

Wow. Minutes go faster than I remember them. Yeah, right. That was a fast one. I think the quarantine we kind of were lenient on the minute. Some people did like two minutes. Minute and forty seven. I think a toadie back on his day.

Look at you. David Lucas, you are back. And by back, I mean you gained all the weight that you lost. David lost weight during the pandemic and then went home to Georgia to visit his parents. Gained it all back and you are back. I gained like 15 pounds. They gained it all back.

My goodness, Grace. Tony sat on a bottle rocket for four to July. That's actually that's actually true. I did sit on a bottle rocket. You put your booty to the sky and started farting. That's true. I actually took a dildo and I put it in one of those tubes. And then I sat on the tube and I lit the fuse

and the dildo shot into my booty hole. And and I made the noise of a firework. Yeah. Yeah. Like that. That's what I did when it flew into my butthole. That's what I sounded like. Oh, and then I went boom.

It's so good to be back roasting on this stage. It is. Absolutely. Look at you. I mean, under the bright lights is exciting. You look fucking fantastic. I love the tie dye, the camo shorts. It's all blended in.

You look fucking great. You got your shit on, too. You look like a Russian spy nigga. That's me. That's me. They sent me to spy on you. Like you will snipe a nigga from a gay club. I mean, that's why I live in this area.

I love the West Hollywood area. I go up top on the rooftops and I try to snipe gay people. I shoot them with dildos and booty holes. So, David, what have you been up to this week? What's going on in this world? Shit, don't been on the road like two times since the quarantine. Yeah, you've been doing a lot of work. Yeah, two, three times.

Getting back tight with my exercise and shit this week. What kind of exercising have you been doing? I got a trainer. You were at the national hot dog eating competition this week. Nah, that was you. You was putting them in your ass. Well, I fucking did 100 hot dogs in 30 seconds. That's it.

They call my butthole Joey Bestnut. Yeah. Tony said, give me mine without the bun. You can put it sideways in his asshole. Yeah, they call me a hobayashi. Okay. Is that a hot dog eating reference? Yeah, it's a hobayashi.

Ba, ba, ba, ba. Old fucking hot dog eater. So, what have you been eating? It's been going on. Still fish, nigga. I ain't fucking gonna eat shit, though. I ain't fucking, yeah. Yeah, but like how much fish are you eating?

Are you getting sick of it? I eat a lot of vegan shit, though. You know what I'm saying? Like, I probably eat fish like four times a week and at other times like... French fries. Yeah. You eat a lot of French fries.

No, nigga, I don't. You have French fry energies. What kind of energy do you got? King Wabbo? Do you eat like impossible meat or like beyond burgers? Yeah, I fuck with that. Yeah. That fat burgers and shit.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I don't ever get tired of salmon, though, bruh. And there's so much different types of fish like that you can mess with. Because you know, like... Like what kind of fish have you had recently? Snapper, halibut.

Pollock, king salmon, regular form-raised salmon. Catfish. What else? Cat-back-lan. What else? Sea bass. You ever go down on a girl and it's fishy down there and you're like, I'm used to this?

Oh, mess don't kind of hose, bruh. No. You can smell it. What kind of hose do you mess with? Clean, the ones that vagina smell like water. Do you ever go down there and then make a U-turn? Absolutely. You put your finger in it first, then you know...

You bring the finger up to your face? Right, right. Do you ever go down on a girl and bring up a dead bird in your paws? Do you, Cap Burglar? Is that ever happened to you? Cat-back-lan. Is that...

You do that ever? A dead bird. Yeah, that's an interesting graph. A spirit of an aborted baby, maybe. Wow. My goodness. I love it. So you're back at the comedy store.

You are a former employee of the comedy store. I'm still an employee. I just ain't working. Right, right. Exactly. Yeah, that's what I meant. And how do you feel? Is there anything different?

Is there anything how you don't remember it? Outside of the thousands of people that you bump shoulders with and say, what's up, it's the same. It's just so dope being here right now to actually be on this stage. And you smell the comedy store. The comedy store has its own smell.

Walking up the ramp and coming into the courtyard area and seeing some familiar faces that I haven't seen in four or five months. So it's just a dope experience. And like even at the beginning of the show when I heard the music, I'm like, damn, like just hearing it in this room, it's way different because you don't have

some of the bodies in here to muffle the sound, but just hearing it over the loudspeakers. Like, goddamn, I'm emotional right now. So yeah, absolutely. Yeah, definitely. For those of you wondering what the smell is, it always smells like brand new carpet. Yeah, we get carpet every week.

Yeah. There's a thing happening right now with them changing. They want to change the team names of the Washington Redskins, the Cleveland Indians. You're the closest thing to a Native American that we have on the show. So I'm going to ask you what are your thoughts on that? Actually, my mother's father's mom is a Native American.

She left us a whole bunch of land in Georgia, though. So she, yeah. Oh, how much land? 40 acres? So it trickled down to me, I was left eight acres and all of us were left like eight acres. My grandma did her thing back in the day. Oh, that's great.

What did you do with your eight acres? It's up there. It ain't been developed yet. But you know, when I get this bred, I'm going to put a little lake house on there with a lake and some animals. I want a tiger. I mean, it looks like you've already had a lot of bread.

Anyway. But shit, change them names, bro. I don't give a fuck. Like, symbolism isn't something that bothers me, bro. Being from the South and making Georgia, there's a sign at our train depot that says colored waiting room. That shit don't bother me because it's a part of our history.

And like, when I was a kid, my mom took me there to see it and she's like, this is what black people had to go through back in the day. So it was a learning experience for me. And now that they're probably going to remove it, I'll never be able to do that to my daughter. I was saying this before. They should just make, maybe in Washington, D.C.

or something like a huge museum, take all the monuments they're taking down and have them all in there. So you could be like, you know, like, or. But taxpayers got to pay for that fucking museum. I mean, ticket sales, you know. I don't know, bro. The shit don't bother me.

It's symbolism, bro. It's like, when you look at a cross, that's a pagan symbol. A lot of people use that as a remembrance of their savior. But it's like, do you think about Jesus getting his ass kicked when you see that? Like, I do, you know? It's like symbolism, dawg. It's pagan.

So it's like, that shit don't bother me. It's like, we have way worse problems than that than to be worried about a fucking statue. How about Antjamima? What are your thoughts on the Antjamima? Leave that bitch on the box, man. That shit pisses me off. I know.

It's crazy. Well, the family of Antjamima are like, no, we want to honor, like, that's our whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On the podcast last week, you know, we pulled up a lot of stuff that had, you know,

like a racial past behind it, like even the ice cream song. Yeah. The ice cream song is the most racist song ever. The one that you hear every ice cream truck on. Really? Na, na, na, na, na, na. It's like asking, like, do a nigga want a watermelon? Yeah, it's crazy.

Are there like lyrics to it or something? Yeah, bro. Do you know how it goes? Like a nigga want a watermelon? Hey, hey, hey. No. Yeah, 100%. I promise, I promise it is.

Really? Let's do it. You've sang some white people songs on the show before. This one's no different. This is the ice cream song. Make sure it's not the Master P version. The Ice Cream Man. The 1998 classic.

I got the song. Nigga love a watermelon. Ha, ha, ha. No. Yeah, I love it. No way. You're fucking with me. There's no way that that's what the Ice Cream Man song is.

Warning, this video contains offensive material. It does not reflect my personal views. Now, this video was edited with some old cartoons, but the lyrics are here. No, this is just an old cartoon. Might have fast-forwarded a little bit. Yeah. This isn't the Ice Cream Man song. Okay, we're going to wait.

All right, this is crazy. You can look at it on your own, but the shit's racist as fuck. Wow. Yeah, that's incredible. But you know, like, I don't know, bro. It's like, you know, a lot of people like Trump because he's very like, you know, neurotic and he says a lot of things. Like a lot of people don't like Trump on the emotional level outside of a logical level.

And Trump said something that really stood with me last week, when he said, if you erase your history, you'll forget your history. And I really like, it's like, you know, just say like, we're all wiped out by something and all those statues are gone. You'll never kind of have what happened or you won't have any remembrance to what happened. You will not have context for the reasons. Yeah, so it's like. I've always said, I've always said, you know.

Books would be destroyed, you know, but statues. Yeah, books are the easiest to destroy. But you know, first, if only there was some some place we could go to look up anything we wanted in the whole world like the Internet. I don't know. It might be the conservative South and me that doesn't mind the statues. You know, like I grew up. You know, Jeremiah collects pictures of racist statues.

He has hundreds and hundreds. He's a pure Christian. I mean, that would haunt Jeremiah. He had anything. Why do you talk about that? He posts that shit on Instagram like every week. No, I don't believe that. I don't believe the guy who thinks every statue is a civil war statue is what you are confusing.

Oh, that's only statue. You care about is the Bob's big boy statue, right? That's true. And they're actually changing that. Did you see that? What are changing? I swear to God, it was breaking news when I pulled in the lot. Something I know.

I'm not even kidding. The Bob's big boy. They're changing. We're about to lose this shit. I'm going to look this up right now. Look how sad. That motherfucker is just ridiculous. I've never been like, what are they going?

Like, like statues in general are going to be canceled. They're not going to make any more statues. Whether you're going to have a statue now, just babies, a bunch of baby statues. Big boy restaurants replace iconic mascot with obscure character named Dolly. Fox News seven hours ago. Look at this. Watch the tears blow down Red Band's face. Unless she's Asian.

How about going vegan tonight? This is the first time Red Band has said in his life, this is another age. That's not going to say it. He can't. But that's the headline. He can't believe it. Yeah, they're changing it to Dolly. He can't believe it.

Red Band's like, are they taking auditions or this new statue? Why? What's what's wrong with the Bob's Big Boy? I'm going to tell you right now. I'm going to tell you right now. Red Band said, according to the recipe. According to the news outlet. Ba ba ba ba. Hold on.

I mean, the owner. It's not even a real person. Bob is a. No, it is. Hey, I don't believe this. Shit. Big Boy restaurants. Sometimes even big boys have to move on.

Big Boy restaurants recently announced the arrival of a new chicken sandwich to its menu to celebrate the new item. The restaurant dusted off a forgotten character from its history, Dolly, to replace the big boy as the restaurant's official mascot. That's Dolly, by the way. Okay. This is just an advertisement for a chicken sandwich. It's just like I hop when they changed it to I whatever fucking idiot.

I have Dolly, a character that was featured in the Big Boy comic book series from the 1950s. Will now be the company's permanent mascot. Fox 8 reports. Fox 8. All right. He ready to protest now. What are you? Why do you say Fox 8 like that?

Like it's not a very. The new t-shirt's not my big boy. It's the local news of where the headquarters is. Fox 11. I'm just kidding. You're right. It was it's a temporary change to promote the chicken sandwich. But I love how mad you got me upset.

You got his blood pressure. Fuck that. Oh, he's got no plug on his equipment. I'm out of here. I'm going home. We see Red Band on the local news circling Bob's Big Boy with his electric bike and a little sign. No, honestly, I was thinking about like, oh, I'm going to buy all those old statues. Red Band was about to drive that Tesla into the news station.

Red Band's going to protest and no justice, no peace outside of. No justice, no 10 piece. Still got it. I love you, David Lucas. We had fun here tonight. They're going to David Lucas, everybody. We're going to keep it moving along here. It's all happening.

We're flying through it. We're going back to the bucket. I was going to say that would have been the dumbest thing ever if they did that. No, I really did think I misread it. And then then I just say, what did a fake cartoon character do? I know it's crazy compared to the real cartoon characters. All right. This is exciting.

This is this young man's first time ever on the show. He was recommended to us from the great Michael Lair. He was featured in a Michael Lair video last week. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds in an interview featuring Martin Morrow, everyone. Here we go. His Kill Tony debut, Martin Morrow. Thank you. Thank you.

It's an honor to round out the diversity portion of the show. This is good for me. Like David, I'm also from the south. I'm originally from Birmingham, Alabama. And I get asked all the time where I've been called the inward the most. And surprisingly, within my 21 years of living in Alabama, it was actually more within 10 minutes in Chicago. It was in Wrigleyville, which is my first mistake.

And this white guy was there and he was buying up shots for everybody in the bar. And he put his arm around my shoulder and he goes, hey, I'm more of a nigga than you'll ever be. And then hands me a shot. And I was very upset by this and I wanted to fight him, but I couldn't because I had a shot to take. And I realized in that moment that my alcoholism definitely trumps my feelings on racism, like that is where I'm at.

But then a buddy of mine came in, a little white guy, he's from like the south side of Chicago, bald head, red hair, very angry. And he was like, hey, man, why do you look so sad to go? Oh, that guy over there just called me the inward. He goes, don't worry, I'll handle it. And the thing I learned is that if a white guy from the south side of Chicago tells you who handles something about racism, don't believe him. Like he's going to make it way worse because then he approached together.

Hey, hey, you call my buddy a nigga over there? Huh? You call my friend a nigga? You see that little milk dud shaped dude over there? You call him a fucking nigga? Huh? You call him a nigga? You and me outside right now. It was the first time I've ever been confused by racism. I was like this, needs to change.

Thank you guys. Fuck yeah, Martin Morrow. Welcome, welcome. How are you? I'm good, how are you? Man, can I just say the band sounds so good with a return, especially of Chroma Chris. I mean, what that adds to a saxophone and drums having a little bass behind you. Yeah, kind of knocks it out.

The it really, it really fucking kills the dying cat. It's like the it numbs the it's like when the it's like when they give you a numbing shot before the big shot of something like it's like, OK, you're going to feel a small pinch instead of a fucking is the only band in show business gets reprimanded for playing their instruments. Oh, wow. Look at these idiots over here doing their jobs. Oh, we were complimenting you guys. Oh, yes.

It sounds like a dying cat, the saxophone man in the corner. Who said that? I did say that. I mean, I mean, you have a keyboard, right? It was it was nice meeting you. Yeah, by the way. There you go. OK, welcome, Martin.

Thank you. So how long have you been doing stand up? About 10 years, 10 years. And you're originally from Chicago, Alabama originally, Birmingham. That's right. But comedy wise, did you start there? I started in Alabama. Yeah.

OK. And you came straight to LA from there. Alabama, New York, Alabama, Chicago, Alabama, LA. Wow, in Chicago. That's a lot of Alabama. You're like Forrest Gump. You go around the world back to Greenbow and then out again. Yeah, a lot of deaths in the family.

OK, that'll do it. Hey, wow, you're very quick. Look at that. Red band still got it on the buttons over there. Oh, jeez, jeez. Ever since the box big boy thing happened. No, I forget how to use all this equipment now. Interesting.

What part of Alabama? Birmingham. Birmingham, that's right. And are you like in the city of Birmingham? Are you in a cool little suburb? Like right outside of it in town, kind of Roebuck. Roebuck. Roebuck.

Hell yeah. I have a friend from, where's Willie from? Oh, I know Willie. He went to the same college as me. Oh, Auburn. He's from Huntsville. Yeah, you're an Auburn tiger. Yes.

Huntsville was the name of his city though. He had a little fucking suburb. It was a must fuck. Must a fuck? No, it was, it doesn't matter. Oh, God, I almost remember. He's going to be so upset. I'm so close.

Tony. Ask him one, somebody ask him a question. I think of it. What made you move to Los Angeles? I wanted to start my career as a feature at best. So. Okay. I thought that this would be the place to do it.

That's great. Did you enjoy New York? Like the comedy scene in New York is pretty nice. You get a lot of spots and stuff like that. Yeah, I mean I was kind of like, I was 21 when I moved there. So it was, I did like the creek and the cave a lot there. Oh, the best place ever. Yeah, because I lived in Queens.

So just travel the train, LIC. And it was fun. Do you ever go to a skank fest when you're in New York? No, I was there in 2010. So. Before a skank fest. But I would love to now if I had the money for a skank fest. Well, that shit's not going to happen.

Yeah, no, never again. 10 more years or so. Yeah, no. Nope, no skank fest for quite a bit. No fests of any kind, it seems. How did you meet Michael Lair? At Second City, we both did Second City. He was like the older cool kid before me.

Like he would get high between shows and stuff. I've asked a lot of people about, you know, who went to Second City and said that, you know, Michael Lair is known in Second City as being one of the biggest assholes in Second City, like a drama queen, you know. It's Heflin, Alabama. Heflin, Alabama. What do you know about Heflin?

Not a goddamn thing. Oh, OK. But what do you love about Birmingham? Good food. That's about it. There's not really like a lot to do there. It's like, well, now it's growing. It's like a weird hipster art community.

Like a bunch of people move from Brooklyn to Birmingham and they kind of turn it into just like. Yeah, Alabama, that kind of thing. A lot of racism there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what's what's like one of the more racist things that's happened to you?

Is the most racist stuff that's happened to you been in Alabama, New York or Chicago? I'd say a tie between Chicago and Alabama. OK. Well, I think the worst racist stuff happened in Alabama. Like there was one time I was doing a show and this guy came in and he had a cowboy hat on.

And I like said, oh, you look like Sam Elliott. And he said, shut up, nigger like that. Oh, shit. And he just like he flashed his gun at me. And I was like, all right, there's no one going to do anything about this. And like no one did anything. So I just left.

Wow. Yeah. Have you been pulled over a lot in your life? Like, do you feel like that you feel that you're treated weird when you get pulled over? Yeah. But then I'm like, I wear glasses. So I think that's when they kind of.

That's the secret. Yeah. Glasses or glasses or like when a cop sees them and is like, oh, OK, Jesus, put this gun away. Yeah, but you're going to get me. But I guess you're just going to read a book. That's right. I love it, man.

All right. So now how long have you lived in LA? A little under three years. OK. What do you do for work? I'm a copywriter. Oh, I thought you were going to say you're a cop for a second. No.

That you kept going. Copywriter. What exactly a copywriter? Like you just make sure you type in people's copyrights when they ask you for one. No, I do like tweets and stuff for different companies. Oh, yeah. Oh, a copywriter.

Yeah, with the W. W R I T E R. As opposed to R I G H T E R. Gotcha. Yeah. OK. Yeah, it's a living. I got to tweet at Nicki Minaj once. So I was sick.

Would you tweet at her? I made up like fake rap lyrics about Walmart and she was like, hell yeah. She was really enjoying it. So. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, good. Yeah, good for us.

You meet any other cool celebrities while here in LA? Or bad celebrities? Ooh. I went to Jeff Ross's house once. I think we were there, yes. But I was like, I shouldn't be here. And I remember I like they. How old were you?

Red band. This was I was like three years ago. So stupid. I was 20 something. You get it, whatever. But no, like they were playing Cisco and I was on shrooms. And I was like, I wonder what Cisco is up to right now. And everyone was like, this guy fucking sucks.

So I stopped talking. And then you looked at Tony. Well, you were high on the shrooms. Never mind. It was a call back. Yeah, it was a call back. I got it. I liked it.

I liked it. Thank you. Yeah, man. We're here. Fuck yeah. That's right. All right. Well, that's cool.

That's fun. How'd you end up getting to Jeff Ross's party? Like someone took you or something? Yeah. A friend of mine was like, hey, do you want to go to this thing? And she didn't say where it was. And then we ended up going. I was like, all right.

I was like, I'm too. I feel like this is out of my tact. Were there other cool comedians there? Just him. That was really it. Oh, wow. Jeez, must have been one of those Sunday services that he has up there or something.

Very Christian time. I love it. I feel like you're very upset with me for calling out that you were there, too. I don't know. No, it's good. I frequent there. Yes.

Yeah. Everybody here has been to a Jeff Ross party, except for Red Van. Except ma'am. Oh, man. It's not invited. He doesn't. He doesn't invite.

Doesn't invite me. People shaped like that. Yeah. Oh. You have to get brought by somebody. Oh, OK. That's the secret. Well, I hope that you find nobody wants to take ownership

for that showing up to the swimming pool cannonball. I guarantee you there are way worse looking dudes there. So maybe at the party you were at. I don't know. I wasn't at that one. I mean, they come and they go. What are you going to do? What was that?

Oh, special skills or talents of any kind? I played trombone. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Do we have an extra trombone later on anywhere? I played that for a month.

Maybe check your booty hole, Tony. Oh, wow. Do you have a trombone? Or did you? I did. I bought one off of offer up about a year ago. So yeah, I guess back home. That's awesome.

Back home here in LA? Yeah, in my apartment. Do you practice in your apartment? I do every now and then, yeah. Your neighbors ever complain? No, they're like old, so they don't really care. Oh, that's cool. Fuck yeah.

Yeah, they're not going to. How long have you been playing trombone? Since the sixth grade. Uh-oh. We would like to invite you to play trombone with us when the company store opens up properly one night. Just come and play with us. Look at that.

I love that. Yes, thank you. Absolutely. A guest band member. You watched it happen here, right here, live. That's really all I wanted. Hell, yeah. I was like, as long as I can get in the band.

I mean, hey, it's fun. It's a lot of fun. You get to be a character. You get to have fun for two hours. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Once the ice house opens up again, too, I would like to have you on an ice house show.

Yeah, I would love to. Thank you. Absolutely. I would like to suck your dick after this show. Wow, look at that. Wow, I guess, sure. This has been a while, so I'll take it. I'd like to watch him do that and film it.

Wow, wow. Yeah, I mean, we're going to help him. I'd like to watch him watch that. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. This is an awesome. You'd be inside me while that happens.

I was going to film that. It's like an inception of dick sucking. Look at that. One big boy closes. Another one opens. Off the big boy. There he goes. Martin Morrow, everybody.

Thank you so much, Martin. Fuck yeah. We're going to keep it moving along. This is it. The final bucket pool. Ladies and gentlemen, I happen to know who's left in the bucket. There's only one name left. This is the final piece of paper that I'm pulling.

And they are absolutely kill Tony royalty. I have been hit up via social media relentlessly the past two or three weeks because you know them as the stars of season one episodes of The Star. Because you know them as the stars of season one episode one of the floor is lava. It's been a long time. Ladies and gentlemen, all three of them.

I present to you the great Verzi triplets. Hell yeah. The triplets of Verzi triplets. Here they are. The Verzi triplets. Hey, what's up? So we've been balding a lot since the last time we were here. We've been balding.

We just got hair transplants, actually, because we've been balding at different rates. Like we have different faces now. Yeah, like I have a marriage face. I have a relationship face. I've got a sit on my face. One mic's nice. We broke quarantine about a month ago

to go to Lake Havasu, Arizona, which if you haven't been, Arizona is just a retirement community on meth. Lake Havasu, Arizona. The people tanned there for about 50 years too long. They all got this leathery skin. They kind of look like used tobacco pouches. We went out there.

We went to party because we were like, there's going to be some young college girls. We'll get some pussy or something. And we went to the party channel. And it was literally just old people that were flashing us. And I've never seen boobs unravel out of a bikini before. It looked like CVS receipts coming down. Timing.

In our defense too, the guys were the same exactly. The guys were the same exact way too. Man, their balls just dangled in the water. They had those big old hacky-sackers, you know, those big old fucking things right there. They're like fishing lures. Yeah, that's about as well as I thought it would be. With one mic, thank you guys for having us.

Ladies and gentlemen, the long-awaited return of the Versey Triplets. The Versey Triplets. It's on the Versey Triplets. You guys have your own theme song. I'm so excited you guys are here. Thank you for having us back. It's been, I think it's been over four years.

Really? It's been that long? It's been that long. You could tell you guys have improved a lot since last time. You're getting a little risky. Yeah, we couldn't have gotten worse. We couldn't have gotten worse. We legitimately did just get hair transplant, so. Really? Three of you?

I saw. Yeah. Back to back to back to. That's incredible. So he got his Tuesday, Wednesday, and then Thursday. So we just cranked him out. Oh, you guys are adorable. I feel like your parents almost named you guys that.

I'm Tuesday, this is Wednesday, I'm Thursday. They hand the mic to one another. Yeah, we got pictures and everything. Two and a half weeks ago. My goodness, that's awesome. That's why he's got like little red scabs and stuff in there. Oh, you guys are adorable. You're all good.

You're all good. Did that all happen after the floor is lava? Is that something in the dye when you guys fell in the water and your hair just started coming out? Netflix money. Yeah, we got the Netflix money now. The ball thing did happen a little bit after that, but yeah, we got fucking embarrassed on this.

Yeah, I actually rewatched it today after I hit you guys up and invited you to come on because I wanted to talk about that. It's very interesting. Literally every single fucking day since that came out, it's a show, right? It's like a game show. It's kind of the old game.

You can't touch the floor. And it's sort of a really big deal because Netflix is it's really just them jumping into the game show field for the first time and they're doing it at 1,000 miles an hour and they're pushing it hard right on their front page. And that's their whole marketing thing is they have the ability to sort of shove shows

right down your throat. And the floor is lava is one that they are certainly doing. You guys got beat by a group of pastors. Pastors and then a mom and her two twin son and daughter who are about 18 years old. Yeah, we got beat because we're short legitimately because we're five foot four. Yeah, low centers of gravity.

Everything was slippery. Which one was the one that slipped on the bottom step that didn't swing hard enough? Yeah, that was you. They played the classical music to my face. Oh man, you really how are those things sort of soft? Are they foamy? It's like in between.

It's a little hard. Yeah. But I landed on my arm mainly, so it wasn't as bad as it was. Right. And we got turned into a meme too. And then the thick one, the little linebacker. The little linebacker boy was stuck on the triangle, the pyramid for like what it felt like an hour and a half.

It was about that long. They cut it down a lot. Yeah, it was pretty sad. Spinning around up there. So here's a few of my questions. One is the liquid. Is it warm? Is it cold?

Does it taste like anything? It's pretty warm. It's a good temperature. It's like it's kind of like orange chicken, like that consistency, that sauce. OK. Kind of like that. All right.

It tasted like the sweet and sour sauce too. It was kind of thick. Oh wow. If it's just covered in sweet and sour sauce, then in that case, I mean. Sign me up. Red Band's bed is lava. Hey.

That's where William's been the last three months. Yeah, our DMs have been blowing up. People either despise us or a few of them like us, but it's mainly been gay guys that have been sliding in our DMs. Really? Non-stop. Welcome to my world, gentlemen. That is the story of my life.

One of the pictures I got was just some guy's asshole and he's like, do you like boy pussy? Wow, heck yeah. He wants to be your new lava. Wants to be your gay lava. We're thinking about starting in Onlyfans because we have so many gay followers. But the gay followers outnumber any of our regular followers.

Because Sean is like a, he's a power bottom. Oh yeah. Totally. Like if you look, I got a fat ass. He's got a very nice ass. Wow, look at that. Look at that little bop. A little bop.

A big bop. That's incredible. So I think we're going to sell out his boy pussy and see what we can do for him. You don't have to do like gay shit. You can just be like shirtless and stuff, like clean the house, you know, putting suntan lotion on each other.

Exactly. Yeah, do the splits, do that kind of stuff. Yeah. But if you guys decide to do the triple suck off with one another, I mean, then you guys are going to get rich quick. The little triangle. Yeah.

The little triangle. Seven Centipede, yeah. Yeah. You should come and do it if you want to do it with us. We could do photos together. Yeah. You know what? Let's get rich.

The boy pussy train. Yeah, that's it. I'll be the caboose or the conductor. You would be right in the front, I think. Yeah, you would be the child. Leading the way. Right. I would just have a bunch of Verzi.

A Verzi train. Yeah. Yeah. Coming down. Certainly. So not a lot of people know this, but your fourth brother is here. This is William Verzi.

Hey, how's it going, y'all? My name is Jackson RL Stein. Oh. I love these guys. We were in the Army together. We were doing spec ops. They were the three twin brothers. I was the redheaded stepchild.

OK, hand them back the microphone. Yeah, that's what they want to touch it after William. Now we have, there you go, go on. Oh, you have one more thing to say? There was a time in 2005 we were all in Afghanistan, just sort of dreaming of better times at our mom's place as St. Louis, Missouri. But no, seriously, two of our buddies got killed.

We are in a foxhole, me and the Barzi twins. OK, there you go. They're the triplets and they're the Verzi triplets. There goes Jackson. There goes Jackson RL Stein. Everyone, for those of you wondering who that was, that was Jackson RL Stein. I saw you guys are tick-talking a lot.

You're actually taking over the Netflix tick-talk, or you did that already. They asked us to do Floor's Love at Home, so we made our own course. That's cool. I was actually, there was a part where I was thinking about having you guys do some trickery here today, but we don't have a camera operator.

I was going to have you guys jump from chairs and to tables and whatnot. We do have the red floor, though. Look at that. Yeah, we can do it, you know? I mean, it certainly is. You guys must feel right at home here. Oh, yeah.

Is that something that you, now when people recognize you, you're like, oh, will you jump around on things for us? Yeah. We haven't gotten that yet. No? Yeah, I think a lot of people have been surprised that we were comics, actually. Like, oh, you guys are comics, like, yeah.

Right, because they're like, you guys weren't funny at all on the app. But you were. I thought you guys were hilarious. I loved it. And I think the whole Kill Tony fan base did, too. You guys were really silly. The subreddit was a little rough.

We went on the subreddit and we're trolling that. Oh, yeah, you can go on that. Half of them were good. Half of them were shitting all over. Yeah, you don't want to go to the credits. I know that. Yeah, that's the worst place to go. I don't mind, though.

Like, I don't mind reading the subreddits. Right, of course. Speaking of being shit on, I mean, you guys could do that in your only fans and get rich. That's true. That's true. Well, how much will be charged, though, for that? I feel like we need to make our tears.

20. Well, you start off at 20 bucks. OK, 20 bucks. You know, you shit on each other's feet. $30, you know. Go up for that. And then the more the higher up you go, the more you raise the money.

Shins is 35. Kneecaps, 40. Thighs, 45. And then there's a huge jump if you shit on each other's penises. But then it goes lower again through the midsection and increases again on the face. I mean, I'm game.

You know, I have the good ass. So you guys have to volunteer as the canvas. Capricorn disapproves. Poop goes in kitty litter. I got a question. Go ahead, Joel. As a fellow balding man, did you guys ever just think about just like shaving it?

Just letting it go? What was the decision behind getting the plugs? The fact that we're already short, we didn't want to be bald as well. So yeah, we can't be balding triplets. And his was the worst by far. He actually had more hair grafts than we did. Now, is this the thing where they cut it off

the back of your head? No, no, no. That's like what Joe Rogan did. This one, they literally suck out the follicles individually, and then they replant them in the front. The back of the head looked like a beehive for a little bit there. How long is a little bit?

We'll show you a photo. How long is a little bit? It was, it healed up in two weeks. We got it two and a half weeks ago, so it's all good now. Was it painful? They numb the shit out of you, so it's not like that bad. OK. Yeah, right.

Jesus. Wow. That's frightening. So it looks like a lot of pores and a lot of blood in the back of your head. Holy shit. Did it hurt when they picked out the? No, they give you, they give us like three valium,

and then they numb your head pretty good. But I mean, our heads wrap for two whole days. Oh, wow. And then we have to wash it with a cup. That was the first time I ever did drugs. I'd never done any drugs. What did you think? What were your thoughts?

I puked pizza immediately out of my nose. You puked pizza? Yeah, I puked it. We had CBK for lunch, and then I shot pepperonis and mushrooms out of my nose from the valium, yeah. When you were on these drugs at any point, did you think Tony is a bad person? There you go, that's what happens.

If you know me and you take drugs, you see that I'm a bad person. But thank you guys so much for coming. This was incredible. A lovely appearance, and we love you guys. Is there anything else you want to talk about? Am I missing anything? Subscribe to our TikTok at Verzi Triplets.

Yes. Verzi Triplets. Verzi Triplets on everything. Thank you guys so much. Check them out on the Floorz Lava. Yeah. Yes, on Netflix. I was excited to find out the temperature and everything

of the lava, and I'm glad I got to ask you guys. Yes. Thank you so much for having us. Indeed, there they go, the Verzi Triplets, ladies and gentlemen. Very exciting moment right now, ladies and gentlemen. This is this final regular's first time back at the comedy store in a long time.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is the great and powerful Michael Larrer, everybody. Here we go. Michael Larrer. Michael Larrer. All right, here he is for the first time back at the comedy store in a long time, the great Michael Larrer, everyone.

Welcome to Michael Corona, the Corona version of crippled hardthrob comedian Michael Larrer. I fuck draw dog a MacBook Pro this morning. Thank God, no floppy disk. All hard drive, baby. A Roomba vacuum gave me herpes. She sucked it off the bathroom floor, I think. If you think my voice sounds weird, you should see my cock.

It is made of Legos. I'm a strange one. I do not like food. Maybe it's because I have to call the Navy SEAL Team 6 if I want to take a shit. I cannot be canceled or me too. Because your typical jailhouse Wi-Fi cannot accommodate my needs.

The one thing bots and humans have in common. A junk drawer full of RCA cables. My body is just a vessel. I am now in the matrix. And the rumors are true. Keanu is homosexual. Got my dick very sucked by a Keurig coffee maker this morning. It's a conflicting experience.

Keurig suck it so good but they so bad for the environment. What is the deal with vocal chords? I mean, will these fucking cunts shut the fuck up already? You know, when I got this incurable disease I was pretty bummed out. But after watching these, little white ladies yell Black Lives Matter at African American police officers. Maybe I am the lucky one. Thank you very much.

That is my time. I'll be playing all weekend in Stockton. Get the giggly-piggly. Yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. Wow. Thank you. I mean, holy shit.

What a performance. Wow. Thank you. It was an app. Oh. Yeah. I thought you were doing a ventriloquism thing right there. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I thought you were doing a ventriloquism thing right there. I thought you were doing a ventriloquism thing right there. Oh, no. I was preparing for my future. And when I say future, I mean the winner. Well, I mean, I hope that's not the case. But I must say that you are in a bubble right now.

You look fantastic. Well, I forgot to tell you when you made me a regular, but I'm very fucking sick. Oh, you mean the Lou Gehrig's disease? Exactly. Yeah. And you can't get sick. You can't get the coronavirus is what you're saying. Well, no one can.

But to be honest with you, ALS is an immune is not an immune disease. So my immune system is better than all you pussy. Right. And no doubt about it. Yeah. Plus I turn all day, like eight to 10 hours. I turn. You get sun out on the patio.

Oh, yeah. Smoking weed. Oh, yeah. On the government dime. My life is better than anyone here. Yeah. No, I love it. That's why you're an absolute assassin.

Always dialed in a hot streak of murder every single week. Always get this. Yep. Their Easter is doing a video contest for disabled people. And most of them I have been disabled in their whole life. You can do it. Are you doing it? Hell yeah, man.

I'm going to fucking crush them. Yeah. Absolutely. 20 years of professional entertainment experience. Wow. That's so cool. Yeah, man. Hell yeah.

That's like if someone that's like if someone like got hit in the head with a baseball and then got to participate in the Special Olympics. Exactly. Or when they had to be a professional baseball player first. Yeah. Yeah. It's helping you fill in the blanks. You're right.

You're right. I love that. Absolutely. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Your episode of Jeremiah Wonders came out. That was great. Yes.

And me and him, you know, there's a lot being said about the problem in the world right now. In your bitch's mouth it says the most bad things about it. Yeah. I'm sick of that. And I'm like Tony needs to keep improv name out of his motherfucking mouth. Yeah. That's me and Jeremiah classically improv train.

Uh huh. So we started a group called the improv riders. Oh wow. And we ride into the sunset and show people that improv is great. Wow. You guys ride. I don't know what you ride, but what do you ride? A Furby.

A Furby. Yeah. There you go. That's some of that classic improv. Wait. Was that Special Olympics improv? What was that? I think we were submitting together right now.

I think Jeremiah is going to be in the Easter Seals film challenge. Hey, I've been getting a lot of messages saying you guys are using me because I'm disabled. No. If I fucking find that out, I will kill every one of you. Right. No. I will kill your families. Well, I mean, I will say that it does add to the compelling nature of the story that you

happen to have started stand up extremely late. We found you on the show with a debilitating disease. So what the fuck are you saying, Tony? I'm saying that, you know, honest, if you want the honest answer, I only want to see. Well, I mean, I don't know if I would have made you a regular if it wasn't for the ALF. If I walked, if I walked, I would not be a regular. Well, let me tell you something. You get up and start walking right now.

I'm going to lose my mind. I couldn't, but we took 12 hours making this thing. My, my nurse last girlfriend and me spend the last two days making this and we broke up three times. We went to bed very angry. I woke up at 6 a.m. to work on it without her fucking nose and fingers getting in my business because I'm the crappy one. And every time I'm like, all right, do this.

And she's like, how about this? And I'm like, why? She's like, I don't know. And I'm like, what is this? Oh my goodness. I heard a rumor that tell me if this is true at all, but I heard a rumor through the grapevine that you're currently involved in a lawsuit. Yeah, I'm suing Kevin James.

I found out I'm the original King of Queens. Wait, how are you the original King of Queens? I'm from Flushing Queens. I do not know my bio at this point. Wow. You're so fucking. Wait, you're going to break the plastic. Get excited.

You pushed me. You pushed me. Lean back. He's going to pass out. You know what? Your eyes are getting weary. Your back is getting tight. I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queens bar bridge tonight.

Is this the theme from the King of Queens? Oh my God. How do you know that? Because some of us are improvises. Oh boy. King of Queens is dope when I'm when they get off. Isn't the nanny also from Flushing? Yeah, friend dresser.

Well, I mean, why aren't you suing Fran Drescher then? I want nobody. What? She's hot as fuck, man. But what about that voice, though? Yeah, I love that, man. You don't like regional accents. I'm noticing that I'm noticing this week.

I understand. I understand. You're really pushing up against that plastic. Really hard. I'm noticing that I understand you a lot better. Have you been drinking a little bit less? I am. This is like when ET is trying to come back to life in advancing.

No, I am my girlfriend, Matt, because I am when I drink. You what? What? You shard? Shard? Yeah. Oh, shit.

Is that that's a part of the development of your disease? Yeah. Oh my goodness. How bad is the sharding been? Real bad. She was like, I'm going to leave you at this. Oh my goodness. Yeah.

She was like, you better slow down with those IPAs. I can't watch the seas every day. Wow. That's incredible. Yeah, but. Maybe you should think about sleeping in that plastic tube that you're in. I do.

I'm like Michael Jackson in the oxygen entamer. This will make me stay alive for three more months. Oh, red band. Come on. That's a fart noise. How's your son doing? He's great. I owe him a biology because when I get lifted and when I get

crunk, I like to wrestle. So, Colin, I'm sorry. And please come home. Hey, you know how we had two Marines here and then? Yes, we did. I served as well. Oh, really? What did you?

I was in Starship Troopers. Really? Yeah, you saw the picture the other day. I'm in that movie. Oh, yeah, you are in that movie. Yeah. So, I was like a Marine in space. Yep.

And they put us through a boot camp and a famous Marine named Captain Dale Dye who did platoon. He might have been an army, but he was the military commander. So, while we made this fake alien movie at this Grand Canyon location in Wyoming, we got this real military training and we'd have to do push-ups and it was so fucking awesome. Yeah, that sounds horrible. Yeah.

But now you're our Starship Trooper, Michael. Without a doubt. We absolutely love you. Thank you so much for being here with us live on this. The return to the Comedy Store. Follow Michael Lair at Michael Lair Comedy and everything. Michael Lair, he has amazing merch for sale. Here comes the drawing from Ryan J.

Ebert coming right at you. Yeah. We forgot to say that Ryan J. Ebert was here the whole time. Oh, my goodness gracious. How in the world did I forget that? Get a little bit closer there, Ryan. Let's see what you did here tonight.

Oh, a little chitchie train. How cool that is. You did it. There's actual trains. There was a lot of train jokes. A lot of it had to do with me getting butt fucked with every Monday's episode. And yeah, incredible. He's been auctioning off artwork.

It's all at RyanJ. Ebert.com. He's the house artist. He draws every single episode. And that's tonight's episode, the return of the Comedy Store. I hope the people in the parking lot had a good time. We plowed through some technical difficulties as always. You know, there's a lot of things here.

A lot of things switch, the wires, this, that. There's so many different variables here at the Comedy Store. Some things are old, some things are new. Special thanks to Danny Lucas for coming in and running the mothership for us. The big boards, all the power and the neon that happens here. And yeah, the fun times continue. My weekend in La Jolla for this weekend just got canceled today. They closed the bars in San Diego today.

But Jeremiah Watkins is going to Tempe, Arizona, July 30th and 31st. Literally a 600% increase in COVID in the past week. But you are scheduled to go there. Yep, it's not going to happen. But get tickets immediately, July 30th and 30th. I mean, there is literally no chance that happens. But he's coming. So if you're in Tempe or Phoenix and you want to go out

and you want to see a show in a public place with a roof, the Tempe Improv July 30th and 31st, Jeremiah Watkins. What else, Jeremiah? Thank you. I'll possibly be the Denver Improv the first week of August. But again, we'll see. Denver has a chance. Denver has a chance.

And Tempe has a chance as well. Adam Murray is my guest on Jeremiah Wonders this week. Michael Lair had a great conversation with him on Jeremiah Wonders last week at Jeremiah-Watkins on Venmo. And I thank you to the Comedy Store for being open and allowing us to do this great show here tonight. I can't believe Michael said we're using him. You're using us.

No, I can't imagine. Of course you do. These people are buffoons out there. Yeah, we couldn't add another straight white male regular if you didn't have ALS. You are technically correct. It doesn't change the fact that you're hilarious. Yeah, and this is the time of my life.

Yeah, we're all using each other here. Don't get it twisted. Yeah. The great Chroma Chris. Great to see you again, Chroma. Thank you, guys. Thank you. It's so good to be back.

Thank you. We fucking love you. The Bruce Wayne of Kill Tony. Back again. Thank you. Joel Berg Joel Jimenez was here tonight. He's at Mostly Sorry with the New Mostly Sorry podcast. Yeah, tomorrow we premiere at five.

We do these live chats. Me and David Deere. Yeah, and thanks again for David Deere. Miss him also. He's back. He's back. David Deere is back. Thanks to everybody.

Charlie from Vito's Pizza, the Verzi triplets, Martin Morrow, Keele Yolberg, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lair, Ryan Jebel, Gino, who kept us afloat at Better Box Studios. We will never forget that. Gino. That's for sure. Collette, everybody, Mitch Burrow and Martin Morrow and Cackles and the Verzi triplets.

We did it. Thank you to everybody who came in the parking lot for this, the first show back from the pandemic, the world famous comedy store. Thank you, everybody. Good night. Thanks, guys. Thank you.