KILL TONY - KT #788 - WHEELER WALKER JR + SAM TRIPOLI

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

Wheeler Walker Jr, Sam Tripoli, Pat O'Neill, Dedrick Flynn, Martin Phillips, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Grooveline Horns, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Monica Colt, Steve Glass, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 09/28/2026 THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SuperCast: Watch Kill Tony ad free and get tons of exclusive perks. Get Kill Tony + for $5/month now at https://killtony.supercast.com/ TalkSpace: Find the licensed provider that’s the right fit for your need and get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com Meriwether Farms: Upgrade your snack game with real American beef and get 20% off your first order of Meriwether Farms Natural Beef Sticks at https://meriwetherfarms.com using promo code KILLTONY.PrizePicks: Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TONYand use code TONY and get $150 if you win your first $5 lineup!  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for Everything, The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out Shop Squad.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shop squad. TV. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill T'Ton. From the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up at Tony! It's Glenn!

Mando Castillo Rale. Sos on the horns. Treisleches. The great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, ladies and gentlemen. A whole lot of Latinos over there. We have the great and powerful missile strike. Matt Mueling on the electric guitar. The great John D's on the keys.

And believe it or not, this man right here, that's the great D-Madness, live in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. We got quite the hoot-nanny lined up for you here tonight before we get started. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up. You get every new episode ad-free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand-new angle of the show. show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience.

You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes, behind the scene stuff. Extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtony.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity. opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtony supercast.com. All right, back to the show. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. Getting started is easy. Sign up online and get paired with a license provider typically within 48 hours.

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or simply have a dedicated space to talk. mental health support can make a meaningful difference. And as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com and enter promo code space 80. That's SPAC80 to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to Talkspace.com and enter promo code space 80. A Talkspace therapist will be in your corner for whatever comes up. To talk through your hard relationships, share your pride and big accomplishments, and be a place for you to vent, day or night. When you make space for a therapist who just gets you, life just gets brighter.

Talkspace therapists are all licensed with an average of 10 years of experience. Talkspace is covered by most insurance plans and maybe no cost to you. Go to talkspace.com to get started. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? You know, I'm excited about this one. This one's been on the books for a while. This is two guests that I just cannot wait to watch them mesh together and have a lot of fun with them. Both of them are repeat guests.

One of them is one of my favorite country rock musicians in the world. The other is one of the best comedians in the world. The first guy to ever let me open for him on the road 19 and a half years ago. I consider him a big brother in stand-up comedy. Again, the other one, not only is the original one, not only is he a first. rock star. He is, what I believe, the funniest musician in the world on top of one of the greats. Your two guests tonight, ladies and gentlemen, make some fucking noise for the great Wheeler Walker Jr. and Sam Tripoli. Oh yeah. Welcome Sam Tripoli. There you are. We're doing it. He's

got World War debate in a brand new 30 Minutes special on Gas Digital. He actually wears his own merch, ladies and gentlemen. Sam Tripoli has arrived. Jordan wore his own sneakers. Why can't I wear my own shirt? That's right. You're killing it, Sam. And make some noise for the return of Wheeler Walker Jr., ladies of John.

His brand new album, Pullin' Out, is available everywhere. And the Pulling Out tour starts, I believe, in two weeks. You can get tickets for that at Wheelerwalker Jr.com. We are so excited to have you guys. You guys both know how this crazy show works. I love it. Over 250 innocent souls signed up to perhaps get the opportunity to perform one minute on this stage.

And then an improvised interview takes place. If I pull their name out of the bucket, you know there's 60 seconds of uninterrupted time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts their set and then anything can happen. I conduct an interview. The whole show's improvised. you guys ready to start this fucking show or what? I'm going to let this

I'm going to let this porn star looking librarian nerd pick the first name and while we wrangle that bucket pool I have a golden ticket winner right behind that curtain ready to perform a brand new minute to start tonight's show. He is, I do believe,

statistically, the newest golden ticket winner. This is his first time ever cashing in which means it's his second time on this show. What you've seen in this new era of Kill Tony is that a golden ticket winner can become a regular. A golden ticket winner can get downgraded and barely used ever again after that if they struggle. It's tough living out here. Very competitive era of Kiltony. Ladies and gentlemen, making his first appearance as the Golden Ticket winner makes some noise.

A brand new minute from Shane Camp, everybody. Here we go. I would like to dedicate this to Glenn. In 2009, a man named Glenn went missing. And now I have 14,000 followers on Instagram. How are you? Now, I have written the two most important jokes that I have ever written. They are so important that I have kept them locked away in a safe in my closet next to a couple of Kiwis.

Now, I've got cash money, $300. Who likes to gamble? Because the first joke will get a stander. ovation. Any takers? Come on. $300? For this to work, I kind of... Anybody. Anybody? Anybody? $100. $100. You, sir. The first joke will get a standing ovation. The second joke, I dare not tell. It's dangerous, too dangerous. That's why I've kept it locked away in a safe in my closet next to a couple of Kiwis. So I will not tell the second joke. Please, Tony, don't make me tell the second joke.

I will get canceled. It's just too much at risk. All right, here we go. Please like me. Dating is hard out there. Am I right? Oh, all the apps. Nobody ever looks like their profile picture.

It's especially hard for me. I've been married for 12 years. She just started working from home. Nah, we've been together a long time. I love my wife. If something were ever happened to her, I don't know what I would do. Probably run from the cops, hide out of a buddy's house, wait till the dust settles. Fun fact about my wife, she is deathly allergic to Kiwis.

If she even so much as touches a Kiwi, she will die. Which is why I keep a couple of Kiwis in a safe in my closet. You know, for protection when she's on her period. or she gets mouthy. I'll just put them in my pocket and just crisis averted. Oh, now I don't want this to affect your decision to give me a standing ovation, but anyone who gives me a standing ovation

will get a Glenn refrigerator magnet. I have enough for everybody. So no one's standing? The joke is over. No one, you get to keep that $100, sir. No, give it to the bartender or something, but I lost Ferrant Square. So that was my joke.

Please don't make me tell the second joke. I will get canceled. You know what? I think we need the second joke. I don't want to interrupt your time here, but I got to have that second. All right. Oh, God.

What kind of car did the Asian eye doctor drive? Catarach. Partial standing ovation from the crowd. Absolutely incredible. Oh, D. Maddening. is standing. Dee, you're hitting wheeler in the back of the head

with a bass guitar. Sit down, B. Jesus Christ. Dee madness of all people committing to the joke. Absolutely wild. Shane, those better not be real hundreds. It's not my money, Tony.

Okay, where'd you get it from? My brother gave it to me. Your brother gave you $100 bills to give out? Yeah, he gave me $1,000. Okay, well, just stop giving them to people. You hold on to those. You're going to need them.

I don't think that cataract joke is going to pay the bills, exactly. I think I heard that when I was like, it's one of my first favorite jokes when I was a little kid. Wait, is that already a joke? Without a doubt, Shane. You must be kidding, right? I've got brain damage. I don't remember anything from the last few years.

It's all good. The rest of your set, I love. I love the brain damage. You're so odd and confident at the same time. Where do you go to write in, like, cemeteries or something? Yeah. Yeah, but I'm in a van in a cemetery, so I don't set foot on them. Wheeler Walker Jr.

Am I the only one who thinks that the intro wasn't long enough? Too much jokes. Too much jokes. It was a lot of setup. But again, I like your oddness. There's something about it. You had me at the edge of my seat. I thought the Kiwi thing was the joke.

But it turns out that wasn't even the joke. You accidentally were funnier in the middle of your joke than at the end of the joke. I thought that deserved a standing ovation. It was no accident, Tony. Wow. You are a true professional, Shane. What else do you have in that little briefcase?

I'm guessing a lot of Glenn magnets. No, those are backstage, which, by the way, I will be. outside giving them. I have enough for everybody. Tony, yes. I got something here for you.

Is it $700 cash? According to my math. Sorry about that, Wheeler. Sorry about that. It is a $20 bill, and it is a personalized Glenn pen. Okay. The pen has your name on it,

and it was supposed to have a quote with the pen people freaking screwed it up. It does have my name on it and a picture of Glenn. Yeah. That's just for you. What does the $20 bill have to do with anything? Well, if you take me on the road to open for you, there's plenty more where that came from. Wow. Wow. What an incredible deal.

This is an amazing deal. You are on your way to superstardom. You understand how show business works. You give me $20 bills, and I make you vast sums of money. That's called trickle-down economics, everybody. A very slow trickle. The pyramid scheme of comedy. Yeah, $20 at a time. Work some strippers. That's right. That's right. And I have to take my clothes off at night,

just like everybody else. I take my pants off just like everybody else. I jump out all at once. Shane, how's your life changed since winning a golden ticket a few weeks ago? Obviously, you have vast sums of money now. You have a suit. I mean, you've really gone for it. I think you've invested all in on yourself, it appears. Well, my life is completely changed since winning the golden ticket.

The biggest thing that's changed, Sidney-N-Sweeney knows who I am. Whoa. She watches the show. Wow. Yeah, and so, can I get a close-up? Yeah. Yep. Sydney.

I want you to ask Scooter to leave the room and lock the door. Now, put your face real close to the door. camera or the I'm so put your face close to the screen don't say anything Sidney what can I say I got

famous too late you're with Scooter I've been married for 12 years crazy but Sydney this is a personal invitation I want you to come to the show sometime hang out with me in the green room

please leave Scooter at home in fact I have a second cell phone just for Sidney it is an active line so Sydney if you're out there and you want to come to the show just dial 850-266 0788

I love your work Sydney I'll see you soon wow that's amazing Shane Camp you're about to have so many overweight 40 year old dudes calling you it's going to be incredible

hey yeah this is Sydney Sweeney You can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, right? Did Sidney-Sweeney liking you and you writing jokes about killing your wife kind of start at the same time? Well, actually, this is true, a week after my appearance, Scooter and Sydney were reportedly having issues. Coincidence? Yes. That's amazing. That is amazing.

Shane, what a way to get the show started with your odd, amazing style. The great Shane Camp has cashed in his golden ticket. I love it. I love it. It's one of our odd ducks, and I like having a few odd ducks in our little petting zoo that we have.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for our first bucket pool of the night. This is where we find all of our talent or lack there of talent. Sometimes it's a crazy person that just wants some attention. Sometimes it's the next big star. Your first bucket full of the night

getting an uninterrupted minute and then an interview goes by the name of Curtis Parks, everybody. Here we go. Hello, hello. Any parents out here? Yeah, yeah. I'm a new dad, I'm a new dad. Trying to be a good dad too.

But sometimes being a good dad comes out like a bad cop. I'm chasing this toddler around just like, hey, what's in your hands? I said stop. Show me your hand. I said stop. Oh, did you? You swallow it?

Oh, you didn't do nothing? Then what you're running for? And then I shoot him, and that's... Discipline my child. He's okay, he's okay. He'll be... He's three-quarters white. He's, you know, I'll let you do the racial arithmetic later,

but he'll be just fine. I don't know if you guys know, but white people are doing just fine right now. They're the only ones with spaceships. You know? You know anyone ethnic with a rocket ship? No. Not even certified pre-owned.

Nope. Went away, thank you. I'm Curtis Parks. Thank you very much. 54 seconds from Curtis Parks. Curtis, this is your first time on the show, right? Yes, sir, yes, sir. Welcome.

How long you've been doing stand-up? Since early 2000s, like 01 or something. Okay, where at? Where did you start at? Florida, you know, went to Florida State and then New York, you know, I was up there. We kind of like, kind of realize now, I like kind of half-assed it.

I only did it a little bit, you know, get it here and there, you know. But yeah, I'm trying to hit it really hard now. Now I've got a kid. You know, I want to really do it, do it for real now. I love it. How old's the kid? Five.

Five years old. And you still with the baby mama? No, sir, no, sir. No, sir. Okay, what happened there? What happened with the baby mama? Sam Tripoli loves single fathers. He is one.

It's okay. It's amicable. It's good. You know, we're good. Yeah. Could be better, but definitely could be worse. Definitely could be worse. Definitely could be worse, but no, that's good.

Absolutely. I love it. So is the five-year-old with you, full time or you just get it on weekends or we kind of split he's with his grandmother right now because we both we both work on the road sometimes so like right now he's with his grandmother in penicola what does the mom do where she works on we're both like hired guns for brands so i travel all the time we both travel so like i mean we used to travel with the kids so i mean that's how that's how we taught him numbers like in the elevators and hotel numbers like oh what's three

you know so now he's about to be in school so i'm trying to get off the road okay he's a good kid all right good kid no learning disabilities or anything it seems like seems like all the kids nowadays Everyone's autistic or has a helmet or something. No, I'm really lucky. No, I'm really lucky. You know, he's a healthy kid. He swims great. He's, you know, he's a Floridian kid. Like, no, he's good. He's good.

He could do a three-point turn in his power wheel before he could talk, you know? Oh, wow. He's already better than most Floridian drivers. He's great. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Now, what have you been doing for work this whole time?

Like, I'm a hired gun for brands. Like, I travel and do, like, you know. What does that mean exactly? Last time someone said this, last time someone said they were a hired gun for brands, It turns out they give out samples at a Costco. After I did a lot of digging, we ended up literally finding out. He's like, well, I give out samples at Costco. I'm like, you're a hired gun for brands?

I've done that, but I started, you know. Wait, you do that? No, no, no, no, no. I have. But no, I'm a tour manager, so, like, if it travels, like, I did, like, a mobile bar for a big brand that everybody knows, like a big bar. You know, I did that. I was in the spirits brands.

Like, I did a lot of, like, alcohol and, like, liquor and rum. But that also hurt my stand. because like, you know, when you're working with beer or liquor. That's what hurt your stand-up? Fair, fair, I'll take that. I'll take that. I think Pedro Pascal stole your everything, dude. That's what I did. He did. That guy's out there

with the same exact head and body just fucking making it. I'm not trying to catch up, man. You're out there teaching your kid numbers with the hotel rooms and shit. That's all. There's something missing here. This is incredible, Curtis. That's great. You have a girlfriend now? Oh, no, no. No, I'm over. that. You're a good looking, what do you mean? You're overwomen? I want to focus on my kid and

really put my effort into stand-up. I really, you know, like, like, listen to you on podcast or Joe, I realized I was not doing as much work or not doing as much writing. Like, in Stan, like, I did pretty good in New York, but I literally just did a little bit. Now I'm like, I really want to hit it hard right every day. I love it. Like, I even saw Shane after he won that golden ticket in Pensacola and one of the things he said after his set, he's like, I can out ride him. I'm like, that's what you got to do. You just got to write every day. That's what you got to do. What's that thing on your necklace? Is that some type of...

Oh, it's like a gift, you know? So I'm part Filipino, so like I associate with my Hawaiian island people. You know, it keeps me good luck on my travels. So what is it? It's the Hawaiian hook, you know, the Hawaiian fish hook? Oh, okay. Okay. No, Red Band thinks you're gay, though.

Red band's one joke on everybody is that they're gay. Oh, thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. It is. It is a compliment. If you're not fat and disgusting, he assumes you're gay. That's Red Band's entire, that's his range, as we call it. Curtis, do you have any special skills or talents or hobbies or anything?

You seem like the kind of guy that really knows that. Whoa, DJ. Oh, my God. What's your D. Turntable. Whoa, what's your DJ name? Curtis, just Curtis with an X instead. Whoa.

I'm with Red Band now. Curtis. DJ Kirtz. Kirtz. Kirtz. DJ Kirtix. Kirtik's with an X? Yeah, yeah.

Wow, that is so cool. I've been on stage. I did theater. I did Shakespeare. You know, I did a theater guy. The X is at the end of Kirtix? It's Kirtis. Instead of an S with an X, yeah.

Okay. Kirtix. Kirtix. Yeah, Kirtix. Did you just go with your first idea that you had? You're like, what's the DJ name? Kirtix will work. Let's go with that.

It works. No reason to think about it anymore. What'd you name your kid? Miko. Miko. Miko. The next. The next.

He was conceived with my ex, but yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Look at that. A little quick, quick boy. So you're half Filipino. What's the other half, Curtis? Caucasian, Missouri country boy. You know, he joined the Navy to see the world,

and you don't get much further from Missouri than Tokyo, and that's where I was born. And how about the baby mama? She's a white lady? Yeah, I mean, I let you know. I knew you do the racial arithmetic later. Yes, yes. What?

That's what I said. He was like, three-quarters white, the joke earlier. I don't even know what race you are. It's like, you. You can check other. It depends on who you're doing. If ICE is here, you're Filipino, right? But if someone else here, you're...

You look like... Yeah, you know, it depends on what it is. You know, like, you know, my driver's license. I'm a Caucasian. You know, my scholarship applications out of Pacific Islander. You know, it depends, you know? You could be anywhere.

You could be the ICE agent or in the back of the car. You know what I mean? Curtis, I like your style, man. Keep writing. Keep going. Here's a medium joke book. You did it. There you go.

Curtis, part. Getting tonight's show started out of the bucket, representing a man of the people, one of the 250, the first one pulled tonight. There he goes. Kurtz, everybody. Curtis Parks, aka DJ Kirtix. Oh, this guy's fucking yawning in the front row.

The show just got started you, little. Jesus Christ, pick it up. Get a Red Bull or something, you fucking homo. That's what you love to see. You look out, just a guy in the front row, with, Mm-hmm. Tired ass, bitch.

You yawn again, I'm switching you with somebody in the back row. I'll move a whole couple up from the back. Get your yawning ass out of the front. Yawning an air, looking at, tired ass, tube of toothpaste, looking ass. You like beef sticks? I love beef sticks, Tony.

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And code kill Tony for 20% off your first order. All right. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Frank Kid, everybody. Here we go. Frank Kidd. How's it going? Hey. I try not to be sexist, but growing up in this day and age is kind of hard sometimes in the society.

I'll give you an example. One time I was at work and I was talking to my female coworker and she told me she thinks modern day feminism is like female terrorism. And my first thought was, wow, that's a lot of internalized massaging you got to work through, sis. And then my second thought was, what's female terrorism? Like 9-11, but they miss? Is that what female terror?

I'm just asking, ladies, is that? You try to hit the Twin Towers and land in the Pacific Ocean. Is that female terrorism? Is that it? Y'all know how a white guy will be about to get into a fight? And he's like, you're gonna be sorry when you find out who my dad is. How about it, that's a Jewish guy, and he's like, you're gonna be sorry when you find out who my uncle is.

You're gonna be sorry. when you find out who my cousin is. You're going to be sorry when you find out who my second cousin twice removed dog sitter is. The CEO of Viacom, actually. You know, I think anti-Semitism is ridiculous. Keep going. I want to hear the end of this. Keep going. Keep going.

I think anti-Semitism is ridiculous. Like, it's kind of crazy because you can kind of invent whatever you want, you know? Like, there's people that believe that Jewish people have a, giant space laser that controls the weather. That's insane, right? Because that would require you also

to control space. Space is part of the weather. So why wouldn't there be a Gaza-sized meteor hurtling towards Earth? They would save themselves, look, I'm not on their side. I'm just trying to say that would save them a lot of trouble. Thank you. Frank Kidd, closing strong.

With an interesting conspiracy theory, Sam, this is your specialty. What do you think? If they control the weather, wouldn't they control? You control the weather for sure. What makes you say that? How do you know? New York gets a lot of rain.

Isn't that where they are? I mean, it's just been proven. I mean, there's just... Wouldn't you want me pull up fucking the internet, dude? That's what I fucking do. Jews run the weather. They put a lot of pollen in there, though. That seems like their natural enemy.

That's kind of a... A little wrench in that theory It's a really good point So you don't think twice you're on the weather because of pollen? I don't know I wouldn't put that in there if I was them, just saying, but you know

Are we about to debate? They shot down a satellite above Iran and they finally got rain. I mean, it's like this isn't fucking mystery boys but you know I mean I could break it down for you guys if you really got about

Frank kid let's talk about it. How long you've been doing stand-up? That was a great set. About four years? Where at? Which part of Detroit exactly? Just kidding, Atlanta. Where are you from? Atlanta? I'm actually from Saskatchewan. No, I'm fucking sure.

Houston? No, no, I started in Baton Rouge and then came here. Oh, nice. Okay. Awesome. And what do you do for work? Amazon, you know? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Not where you're from. What do you do for work? No, I... Ew. This guy.

Can I interrupt for one second? Yes, absolutely. The great Wheeler Walker Jr. I'm wearing shades. Is there a guy right here? Okay, there we go. Frank, I like your style. How old are you, Frank?

25. Nice. 25. You started at 21. You're right on pace. You're living the dream. How do you like Austin, Texas? It's pretty good.

A lot of homeless, but you probably hear that like 20 times a night here. Yeah. But yeah, it does speak to, you know, the severity of the problem, you know. Which is? A lot.

It's very severe. They're also right here. They're right where all the comedy clubs are. I saw you walk in and I was like, he just walks in like this. Yeah, I'm at home here. I know all of them. They're all my friends. I got them on my side.

I'm like the guy when he goes to prison, you go to the biggest guy. That's what I do with the homeless. All their names are right in there. Yeah, they're all here. These are my people. Every time I see a homeless person, they're like, Tony, I've been signing up for eight weeks.

I go, here's a $20 bill. and a pen with my name on it. Frank, kid, tell us something interesting about your life that would surprise us. You seem interesting. You seem like a cool black guy that also has, like, conspiracy theories and kind of a white perspective.

Were you adopted by white parents? No, I was not adopted by white parents. You were raised by your grandmother? No, I was... Okay. I'm just going to keep guessing here. No, I'm kidding. My parents in Virginia.

It was northern Virginia, so it was like a nice area. That makes sense. That makes sense. That checks out. What do you do for fun? What are you up to, Frank Kit? Play basketball.

Somebody tried to pull a gun where I was playing basketball the other day. That was pretty... Was it you? No, I was... What happened? Take us through the process here. So these two guys started arguing, and then I was trying to get in the middle of it.

And as I was talking to one guy, the other guy walked the length of the court, grabbed his backpack, and reappeared with his hand in his bag as I turned around. This is a... scene out of white men can't jump. I've seen this movie. My good friend Woody Harrelson. And I was

trying to be tough, but I also don't want to get shot. So I was just like walking away as I was like, hey, bro, chill out, y'all don't got to do all that. Yeah, you can chill out, bro. I just kept disappearing. Right. What was the argument about? Somebody was foul in or something like that? Probably something like that. You weren't even listening?

No, it's... Damn. Whenever something happens, you just got to... It's just what happens. It comes with the territory. Absolutely. No doubt about it. Tony. Tony knows what I'm talking about. I hoop all the time. I be getting guns pulled on me all the time. Can I say... The way he talks trash.

This dude's... He's got the look. He's got the delivery. With some jokes, I think this guy could be a comedian. Am I wrong? No, you're spot on. He's got it. The 9-11, but myths, very funny.

Anti-Semitism, very interesting. You had me on the edge of my seat there. I thought was great. Yeah. What's your love life like, Frank? What kind of big booty bitches? are you hooking up? My girlfriend is actually pretty thin.

Really? And she's black. And she's black. Whoa. You would think I'm dating a white woman. I'm not dating a white woman. I want to put that out there. Oh, my goodness gracious.

Yeah. Wow. Where did you meet this beautiful, skinny black woman? On the, uh, they got a black dating app. Oh my God. What's the black dating app called? This is incredible. It's called B-LK, but half of them are like fat white women looking for black people.

Oh my God. Can you look this up? Can you look up BLK for me? I won. I did not know there was a black dating app. Can you use it with any self-service or does it have to be cricket wireless? How does BLK? I've never heard of BLK before. This is so exciting. Is it only... Like I told the secret. I shouldn't...

My bad. My bad. I shouldn't let them know. Oh, you know about this, John D. My bad. Oh, they're letting the secret out. D. Madness. Are you on? BLK? You out there catfishing these bitches? I know I told you I could see, bitch.

Look, I play in the Kill Tony band. You want to come to a show or something? Oh my God. Wow. Let's read the reviews. Do we have any reviews? Let's see the one-star reviews on the BLK app. And this motherfucker be telling me that I... Oh my God.

There's so many one-star reviews. Oh my God. Hey, it logged me out on its own. Now says you can't log in using numbers only email. Never sign up with an email, motherfucker. Oh, these reviews are crazy. Oh, my God.

First, you could join and make friends for social purposes. Now it's just about finding love, and it's too many fake pages and scammers. This app just hot until last week of September 2026. Wow. Oh, incredible. It shows me people 400 plus mile away, almost every swipe,

and gives me one or two people in my area every other day. That person lives out in the middle of nowhere. And they don't understand how it works. Waste of money, spell W-A-I-S-T. It's an alternative spelling. Honestly, I think we have a brand new show. I think I'm going to do a show I read black dating app reviews

full time. I mean, this is absolutely incredible. This is wild. The misspellings on their own are absolutely nuts. People on here selling their body

and men are on here trying to date men and this is not an LGBT app. They need to do better. To do is de Niro Un me gusto pejor What the fuck does that mean?

A lot of them on there? Where are my Mexicans at? Do you know? What does that mean exactly? Total is de Niro Toto es de Niro Allo de Niro Mijua Jouzae Pajar.

Everything is money and I want a massage. Okay, forget it. All right. Hold on. One star. Nothing but fat women with children in the St. Louis area.

That's a whole review. That's a review. Nothing but fat women and children in St. Louis area. Wow. It was a lot of swiping. It was a lot of swiping. Wow. Why?

Oh, my God. It's discouraging. Discouraging spelled D-Y-S-C-U-R. This is crazy. Frank Kid Frank kid you've let us down an amazing rabbit hole I don't know how did they keep it a secret for so long

how did this you keep apologizing to John Dease this is a secret black people were supposed to keep this a secret I didn't know but yeah now that I've seen I've seen how the last five minutes is going I'm sorry to interrupt but red band found another good review.

One star from August 17th. Deep Hope 77 said, nah. Frank kid. I loved your set. I loved the interview. You started at 21. You're 25.

I don't think anything can really stop you, man. You're here in Austin. You have to keep performing as much as you can, write as much as you can. Attack, attack, attack, dude. You're likable.

You got it all, man. Keep signing up. We'll see you soon. Oh, shit. With the catch. The catch and the handshake at the same time. We're having fun in here tonight.

Let's get another bucket pull up. This app stole my money. I pay for platinum. 100 bucks for three months. 100 bucks for three months. And it worked for two day before stopping. It still shows under my subscription tab in the iPhone settings.

The money indeed left my bank account. But I do not have it. have any of the paid features of the motherfucking app. I would leave a zero review if I could. Your next fucking poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Isaiah Washington. Here we go. Human beings are very intelligent,

but we're also very stupid. Dumb stuff excites us. For example, if a bubble where to fly in front of my face right now, somebody in the crowd would freak out. Where'd that bubble come from? a stand-up, bubble party at the Vulcan, you know, because he's gay. We love round things. We love circles. And we walk outside and we see a full moon, we freak out. The circle in the sky is so big today. I got to take a selfie. But this is also why we get into so many arguments and fights

with different people, because I can't agree with their circle of thinking, so I must destroy their circle. Even though we're all in a circle right now, circling around the sun. And if the circle were to stop, we're all dead. So what are we really fighting for? I guess just a piece of the pie. Only 3.14, y'all got that joke? For the rest of y'all that flew over your circumference? And if you didn't laugh at that, you're a square.

And I can't stand squares. And one day you're going to tell the joke in front of a large group of people and no one's going to laugh. Why? Because what goes around comes around, circles. Thank you. I've been Isaiah Washington. Isaiah Washington.

What up, Sam? if a three-year-old baby could do comedy that's how he would do it right there I like circles and squares and shit circles man I love it thinking about it and stuff man oh my goodness gracious you don't ever think about circles

I know Sam does let's check in with Sam Trippily you look like both the last comics cannot I'll be the jerk crow poppy man I'm feeling good man it is something Wheeler Walker Jr

Isaiah, I'm a country musician. Okay. Not a comedian. Yeah. But neither are you. Did me dirty, man. You don't see the future. I mean, I love numbers, and I love shapes, but that ain't my thing.

I understand. Isaiah, how long you've been doing stand-up? I've been doing it for seven years. Where at? Where have you been doing it? Fresno, California. Oh, yeah, the King of Fresno over here. Fresno, the city, man.

By 5'9. Absolutely. Sam once took me to Modesto, California. which is right near Fresno to perform at a convention of 7-Eleven owners. It was one of the first gigs I ever had. I had to do, what was it, 10 minutes clean? And you crushed. No, I bombed.

Tremendously bombed. I didn't have clean material. Oh, yeah. And it turned, I didn't believe him. I thought he was kidding when he said it was a convention of 7-Eleven owners, so I didn't write any jokes. I thought he was, I was just like, ah-ha-ha. And then it was, it was 7-Eleven owners.

Yeah, there's a lot of 7-Eleveners. What do you like to get from 7-Eleven owners? and you seem like a rolled... You seem like you go for the driest tequito in the case. Yeah, I got the 7-Eleven app, so I get points and stuff. You really do? Yeah, I do. Wow.

Come on, what are the one-star reviews on the 7-Eleven app? No, you know what? If you can look up the 7-Eleven on my killing. What's your go-to at 7-Eleven? On the taikito roll. You really will. That's what I guess. You love those teakitos.

I mean, you are a very oddly shaped person. For a guy talking about circles and squares, You got a lot of them on your body. Yeah, I know. I mean, you are. That's why I can think of that, man. Every day I'm looking at it. All I think about it circles, dog.

Right. Absolutely amazing. Isaiah, what do you do for work shaped like that? I work at the Vulcan and then, yeah. What do you do at Vulcan gas company? I just push people out and stuff like that. You're the door guy. Yeah, door guy.

Check tickets. What were you doing before Vulcan? I was back in Fresno, and I was working for special needs, like, adult. Center. Did they like that joke? Yeah, they really like that joke. All the kids with autism was like, hell, yeah. Circle! Yeah. They're like,

they're like, ah! Isaiah, what's your love life like with tits like that? Oh, man. I mean, bisexual girls love me, man. Oh, man, my love life right now is on, you know, I'm single right now. What's your ethnicity? I'm black and Mexican. Have you ever heard of the dating at BLK? Yes, I have.

Have you really? Are you on it? No, I'm not. Why not? I'm not black enough. That's a good point. Yeah. They want chocolate dudes on there. You know, when you mix, you on Facebook dating app, that's the other black site.

How does that work out for you? Do you get a lot of action over there? You know, one out of ten? Uh-huh. Yeah, that's a good. He's a one out of ten? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, come on, look at me, though.

I don't got many options, so I'm rolling with a puncher, dog. I'm in Austin. One out here in Austin is like a Fresno 5. That is true. going, we're good. That is true. We've seen the girls from Fresno. It's basically an episode of The Simpsons.

Yellow, there's nuclear power plants all over the place. There's some tens out there, man. Here's another one-star review from the Black app. Been on for 24 hours without a single match. Wondering if anyone is ever actually active on here. Here spelled H-U-R. Oh yeah Too many men that identify as women

And also too many men liking other men's profiles And even messaging me that clearly says They are only interested in women Not men who identify as women Or men that are undercover brothers I just think it's weird for a man To try to befriend another man on a dating app I need to put their phone down and go outside and mingle

You'd be surprised the people that use me That's a little deep I actually left that review I'm gonna be honest with you guys That's hilarious. People out here using me. Yo, Tony, can I tell you something, man? That happened last time I was on here.

Okay. But that was dope, man. So I told you, my father passed away, and you're like, oh, how's your father died? And I was like, because he was fat. You're like, ha-ha. Anyway. Right.

You asked what my dad does, and I was like, he was a rapper, and then you pulled up his song. That's right. I remember now. And there was only one comment. It was me being like, whoa, where'd you find this? Yeah. Bro, after the episode came out, bro,

like, I looked, like, at 4 o'clock in the morning, That shit shot up to like 50K views. And like it was dope to me like a little emotion, because like my dad was really chasing his dream his whole life. And then that moment, bro, like it was cool to see him. Your dad got the kill Tony bump. Yeah, he got the bump.

He got the bump. Yeah, I was like, man, that's dope as fuck. Then I got a little mad because nobody found me. Like my dad, dad, dad, caliphate is that. Yeah. Yeah, like nobody looked me up at all. Yeah. Looks like you got one move left.

Oh, man, but I took a risk with a circle joke. Next time I'm going to go a little quicker with his punchlines. I like your style, Isaiah. We'll keep it moving. There goes Isaiah Washington, ladies and gentlemen. All right. Clap for Isaiah, everybody. Hey there, football is heating up and everyone's pulling up because prize picks has all your picks in one place.

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Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. Run your game. We have a special treat for you, this audience, this show on this video. very night. He is one of the very few living members of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame, one of the

greatest regulars in the history of the show. We only get to see him if we're lucky once every few months or so. Tonight is one of those nights. I present to you one of the greatest kill Tony regulars of all time, making a rare appearance known for his roasting, writing, and stand-up skills. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the long-awaited return of the great David Lucas everybody. Yeah. I think white women are done. I think they cooked.

White feminism, white womanhood, that shit is over with, man. And it's Lindsey Clancy's fault. If you're watching the trial, there's 10,000 ugly fat bitches outside of the courthouse trying to use an excuse as to why she didn't do it. And I'm like, if that bitch would have killed three dogs, they would have burned her on the fucking cross. And they're trying to use the excuse, postpartum, that shit ain't real. I got multiple baby mamas.

And I wish a couple of them would have killed the kids, you know? But she says she heard voices. Since when has a woman listen to anybody, you know? And why the voices always tell them to do some evil shit, you know what I'm saying? Like, why the voices don't never say, suck that dick, bitch? Go ahead, stick a finger up there, let's get naughty, yeah. All right, that's my time. Wow.

Wow. The legend David Lucas. Hell yeah, what's up? Crushing, showing everybody how it's done. This nigga looked like Jamie Kennedy. What the fuck? Willa Walker, Jr. What's up, dog? How are you, my man?

Pretty good. How many times you said the N-word today? Less than 50. He is a country music star. Hell yeah, I like him. I like Willa Walker. What's up, Tauley? I love it, David Lucas. You look...

You look incredible. You look incredible. It's true. I might appear gayer than ever, and you're fatter than ever. So let the games begin, my friend. You said white women are cooked. If they were cooked, you would eat them, David. Tony, you're the type of nigger that take a shit

and bounce on the toilet, bitch. How did you know that? I love to do that. That's how you get the little dangleberries off at the end. You're the... that's just shakes on the toilet because it's breaking. The old fucking porcelain

destroyer over there. I can't imagine what your toilet sees. Oh, that bitch made Ford Tuff, d'ning of that? Your toilet's so destroyed, it's on the BLK app right now. You do good on that app. You're a fucking black man's dream,

We're here, nigga. White bitch? Why? We're here. Will the walk. Are you all right? That dica, drop the microphone. Old ass.

You shocked me, dude. This nigga look like curly goes to crack a barrel. The movie Curlis Go? All right, fuck it. You're much bigger than you are on YouTube. Well, your ass look like a poker dealer for rats, nigga. You, uh...

Same Tripoli looked like a Russian pretending to be a Mexican. Look at that shit crazy. Jose Tripoli. I'm cool with that. David, you're absolutely crushing it in life and everywhere you walk. It is amazing.

This motherfucker fuck you, bro. Checking his phone. What's on your phone? Okay, so... You have a postmates coming or something? I got some plan B for you, look. All the black guys on stage, I know you're pregnant, bitch. I only get hit up on the black app

to bail people out. You bail me out one time, without money. Remember that? Just word of them out. Totally got me out of hand. Well, you did get enough. fight on 6th Street and I do know all the police officers. He called me fat, bro.

I don't play that shit. Not with people that don't know me. You gotta know me to call me fat. That didn't call me fat, bro. I wasn't going for it. Hell yeah. What are the odds? Is that really zip up that jacket?

It looks so far apart. I mean, it is incredible. We ain't gonna try tonight. Hold on, let me try. Fuck it. Let's see if I can. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, do you believe in miracles?

Whoa, I think we got a chance. It's very stretchy material. Oh, oh my goodness. Uh-oh. It's no. Oh, my God, you are so misshaping. It is incredible. David, what's been going on in life since the last time we saw?

You shot a movie? Yeah, my movie is out. A lot of people either love it or hate it. it. But people say I stole the movie. Well, that's what you people be doing. Tony got a movie coming out called Dix Over Austin. Oh, come on. How dare you? How dare you tell people about my other career? But no, I got this new show, and this one network loves it, and I'm running it at the

Hollywood Improv on October the 29th. And at the Brooklyn Improv, November, November the 4th. What's it called? It's roast therapy, bro, because I feel like this. A lot of, especially white people, go to therapy and don't get no fucking better. So my show is roast- No fucking better. That's the headline.

You're gonna get better here. But I made a show to where you really come on stage, tell me your problems, and I either tell you that you're a bitch or I roast the shit out of you. Right. It's a great idea, man. People from the audience? Yeah, so we have these little intake forms, and if you want to come on stage, you get roasted, You sign up before you come on stage, and it's like a doctor intake form.

Age, sex, married, single. Have you ever thought about filling out a doctor intake form? You son of a bitch. David, we love you. I think this nigga dying, bro. God damn, man. That's what fucking? What's going on?

It looks like a statue at Cracker Barrett. That's crazy. Damn, boy, even through your head I can see that. head. God damn. Top of your head look like a scream, though, nigger. Even D. Madness can see that. You'd be

nice to the panel, David. You'd be nice. Show respect. What you got to say, Master Splinter? David. What did I do? I sat through your set, motherfucker. I'm joking, Will it.

David, you are the man. Every time you come in, you fucking destroy the room. We love you. The legend. David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. All right, back to the bucket we go. Someone's got to follow the legend, David Lucas.

And they go by the name, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Pamilicious. It's Pamilicious. I can cross this off my bucket list. And as you can tell, I'm old as fuck. So

one last item. on my bucket list. So I have to be honest with you, I'm not from Texas. I'm from Minnesota. Do you all know anything about Minnesota? It's cold. It's so cold, my nipples are still hard. And I could put your eye out from here.

So I move from the land of 10,000 lakes, Minnesota, to the land of 10,000 pickup trucks, Texas. And I gotta wonder, Is Texas the state of remedial math? Because all the pickup trucks say it four times four. I want to take my tits and scratch equals 16. God damn it. No child left behind my ass.

Pamalicious, welcome. I like your style. Thank you. That's what I love about this show. That's what I love about the power of the bucket. is we can just go from a, you know, we go from a giant black man to the type of woman that he would impregnate immediately.

Welcome, Pam. How long you've been doing stand-up? Okay, Tony, there's a little story here. I bet there is. Okay. So a long time ago, almost 40 years ago, I was a touring comic. I was a feature.

Okay, who were you featuring for? Oh, gosh. It doesn't matter if you don't want to say. No. Oh, man. I met so many people working. Okay. I opened for Ray Romano.

Nice. Okay. And Antonio, Funny Bone. All right. Late 80s. Wow. I met Jeff Foxworthy. I met Jeff Dunham.

Wow. And he was such a sweet kid. I said, you know, how do you want to introduce me? And he said, anyway, you want to, ma'am. So sweet. And he only had the two puppets. Jose on a stick and peanut. Wow.

Yeah. Amazing. And I met Brett Butler. Wow. Yeah. You viewers of the show are going to have to Google some of these people. So Pamilicious, what made you stop four years ago? Well, you know what, Tony?

I got tired of being on the road. And I was traveling in my little Honda Civic. And I was listening. And I was listening to, you know, eight, well, we were advanced eight tracks, little cassette tape. You were listening to some Julio Anglicius or something? Yeah. Okay. All right.

And it was a little scary on the road. I got to tell you, it was a little scary on the road as a woman, a single woman. Yeah. Yeah. Because the comics were horn dogs. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was in Marietta, Georgia one night after doing a show. Uh-huh. the headliner and the other guy were sharing the condo with me. Uh-oh. Yeah. And they went out to some other clubs and shit. And they come

back to the condo and it's two in the morning. Pretty early for comedians. Go ahead. And they start doing lines of Coke. I can hear it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And one guy... Sam Tripoli, our senior co-correspondent, is pumping

his fists with excitement. And one guy said to the other, do you think she'll do us both? Wow. I'm a single woman. Yeah. Did you? No. But what I did is I dragged my mattress, a single mattress, dragged it off the bed, put it up against the door,

crawled over the nasty, shaggy carpet. Was that your pubic hair? I'm just kidding. Go ahead. You know what? back in the day though, man, I had a bush. I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine.

I can't even imagine what you had going on down there, Pamela. You know what, Tony, I was sort of, you know, I was fucking hot. Yeah. That bush is so big. You still have one of Jeff Dunham's puppets down there. That's right. Peanut, peanuts down there. Hell yeah.

But my husband, Walter, looks like Walter. Oh, wow. He does. You have a husband? Yeah. He looks like Walter. Yeah. So, Pam, you stopped because of that night in Marietta, Georgia.

The two guys just grossed you out. They grossed me out. Name him, name him. Maybe they were joking. You'd think they were just kidding? I don't want to say their names. No. They're probably not working that much anyway, right?

I think he's dead. Sam Kinnison. That's him out of nowhere. I thought you said this was four years ago. 40. Oh, shit. 40 years ago. I was in my 30s.

Oh, my God. I told you I'm old as fuck, right? You think she's 34? I'm 71. Hell yeah, Pam Alicia. Hell yeah. So that's a true story. Kinnison said you think she'll bang both of us.

Yeah, yeah. And was the opener? Was that Carl LeBove? No, it wasn't. Was it Mark Marin? No. Which one of the Coke heads back then was it? No, I think it was just a guy from Marietta.

Oh. That just hooked up with Sam Kinnison for some, you know. For some drugs. So they had gay sex? No. No. I don't know what happened. That's a wild story, Pam.

So you took a 40-year break. I've been mishearing this the whole time. I got married. Uh-huh. I married. No, no. I married a tall Texan, cowboy. Uh-huh.

Yeah, he was a bass playing man, too, yeah. Okay. And I had a child with him. Uh-huh. I didn't get married for the first time until I was 40. Okay. And I had my son at 42. Whoa, look at that.

He crawled out of that thing, huh? He did, yeah. Yeah. Wow. And he just turned 29. Wow. What does he do now? He's a bartender out at Hyatt Lost Pines.

Oh, sure. Okay, you should have let Sam Kinnis and get you pregnant. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I wouldn't even want to push that fucker out. No, I know. Why? I know. I'm just kidding.

So, Pam, what made you want to restart stand-up? Is this your first time doing it in 40 years? No, I started about, you know, five or six months ago, just doing open mics. Okay. Going over to the creek in the cave and stuff like that. So you live in Austin full-time? Yeah, I do. I love it.

I love that you live in a city, coincidentally, where you could just pick it right up and just start again and have fun. That's right. How exciting. You're just riding off. So what happened, Tony, is I turned 70. Uh-huh. And I was taking a road trip and I was listening to some great tunes.

And I thought, Pammy, when's the last time you really felt good about what you were doing? Yeah. And I thought, man, that goes all the way back to the 80s when I got laughs. And so I thought, you know, I'm. I may be old, but I'm not dead. I love that. I love that. That's so exciting.

So I do have a second husband in his name is Walter. Really? Yeah. So the first one died? No. We divorced. Oh, okay. Okay.

And what does Walter do? Well, you're going to have to edit this, Tony. Uh-oh. Walter is a lighting director, and he's work for you. Oh, I know, Walter. That's our lighting director. He just... We just worked with him on Saturday in Dallas.

I was up there. We don't have to edit... You were there? Grand Prix. And I signed up, but you guys didn't call my name. Well, it's a random bucket. You got pulled tonight. This thing's a white...

It's like your pussy. It's just huge. Anything could happen. It's a bunch of white shit in there, some cocaine from the 80s in there. I know. But here you are. Destiny called.

Walter's great. But you know what? I waited for a real. really good man and Tony can tell you Walter's the man. I don't know. I don't work with anybody more than once unless they're great. There's a lot of lighting guys out there

and Walter is the absolute best. That is absolutely incredible. What a small world. You girls hang out for the best, you know, hold out for the best. Yeah. Look at that. She's talking that that's a guy with long, blonde hair you're talking to it. Those eyes are a little

messed up, Pam. I'm not going to lie. No, I'm kidding. So, Pam, let me ask you, well, now that I know Walter's your husband, it's not fun to talk about your pussy anymore. That's okay. You know what? Do you use any of these new little toys to masturbate with, these high-tech toys?

You know, they have the rabbit, they have the this. I feel like you've used an actual rabbit at one point in your life. Well, why the fuck not? Whoa, look at this. This is crazy. This is one of your church buddies, Sarah Sloan. This is amazing. Oh, back in the 80s when I was in my 30s, I had a waskywabbit.

Whoa, look at that. Wow, what is that? That's one of the little ones? Yeah, but you know, it has that extra thing. I have one up my ass right now. Yeah, I keep one up there so that I can stay serious during the show. When I laugh, it tries to pop out, but I have an extra plug to lock it up there. Go, butt plug.

Yes, I have a double butt plug. Double prong. It's like a European electrical sock. I don't know what I'm saying. You got me going crazy out here, Pam. Well, Pam, I mean, I absolutely love that you signed up for this show and performed here tonight. Like I said, I love all different shapes and sizes of people. And you're leaving here with a big joke book.

You're going to catch this Mamma Jamma? I hope so. There you go. Boom. Yeah. That's what I was aiming for. Yeah. I was aiming for those Minnesota points.

There are some noise for the great Pamolicious, everybody. There she goes. Inaction-packed show so far. Back to the bucket we go. Hell yeah, we love you, Pam. Nice to meet you. What a sweet lady. Your next bucket pole goes by the name of Tyler Marsh,

everybody. Tyler Marsh. Hi, hello. I'm Tyler. I'm a metrosexual. I like to jerk off on the bus. Good to see you, sir. How are you? Actually, you're creeping me out, man.

You look like you don't wash your hands after you jerk off a kid. I'm creepy. Why don't you turn around for the rest of this now? I'm Tyler. I like to do some shitty impressions. You guys want to hear an impression? You guys know Jesus was a Jew? Yeah? This is my impression of extra Jewish Jesus. Okay? This is ex-Jewish Jesus. Okay? This is ex-ex-Jewish. extra-Jewish Jesus.

I didn't know I was paying for everyone's sins. Wait till my father hears about this. I don't know. I don't know. Well, thank you. There you go. Tyler, Marsh. Good jokes. Rock solid. How long have you been doing stand-up, Tyler?

About two years. Where at? Austin. All in Austin. Nice. You born and raised here? No, I came from Ohio. What part of Ohio? Northeast Ohio.

What part of Northeast Ohio? I lived in Newton Falls. Newton Falls, wow. I think I once got a concussion there. From Youngstown, Ohio. You know that, right? Yep, I know that. Newton Falls, that's like a suburb of Youngstown.

Yeah, it is. 30 minutes out about? Yeah, about. Hell yeah. Okay, what do you do for work, Tyler? What exactly do you deliver for work? Is it food or people? Food.

You are? Are you a postmates driver? No, I work at Creek in the Cave. Oh, yeah. You work in a food truck? Yeah, I do. Okay. Yep.

Hell yeah. How long have you been doing that? About a year and a half. Nice. You get to do some spots here and there and also make some money. Yeah, and I host a riff mic on Wednesdays. Yeah, I've gone on a couple roast battles. It's been really fun.

Shout out Creek in the Cave. Hell yeah. We love the Creek in the Cave, the great Rebecca Trent. I think they're celebrating, what is it, six years or something now or something like that? Or at that location. And then I think what? 20, 10, 10 years overall? Is that what it is?

They just had their big anniversary. Yeah, I think it was 20 overall. Yeah, I think it's 20 overall. That's right. I was there, but I don't remember. I get all these things confused. So tell us about your life, Tyler. You have any special skills or talents?

You seem like the kind of guy that does a little... You've got special needs. Yeah, what are your conditions? Tell us about your conditions. No, I used to take care of a lot of people with conditions. I was a male nurse before I was a... cook at the creek. Tell us about being a male nurse. Well, it's kind of like being a chef. I mean, we both work with vegetables. That's pretty cool. Okay. Yeah, yeah, being a male nurse was fun.

You know, just a lot of guys calling me gay and stuff. Just fucking same as you. Yeah, everything everything stays the same. Tyler, what's your love life like? You banging anybody in the food truck? I haven't banged them in the food truck yet. That'll be a on the bucket list. You have a girlfriend? I do. I have a girlfriend. We're coming up on like a year now.

What does she do? She's also a server. She also brings people food. You guys live together? Yeah, we do. In a studio apartment or a one bedroom? Studio. Studio.

Do you have any pets? No pets. Do you have an aquarium of some kind? No. Do you have any plants? No. You don't have a single living thing in your house at all. No.

Just me and my lady. So in the studio apartment, It's you and the lady. You guys are squeezed in there together. Does it ever get a little where you just want to get away? I once lived in a studio apartment 20 years ago or so. I lived in a studio with my girlfriend, who at the time was a female comedian. And sometimes I would just go sit in the bathroom to get some peace.

That's where life is. When you're in a studio apartment with a girl, you're just like, just get me out of here for a second. But it's too hot outside. So you just go sit in the bathroom. Do you ever just go sit in the bathroom for some peace? This is going out. No. You don't want to disappoint her.

You want her to think you're actually... Yeah. The server's out there making tips. Putting it all together. Tyler, do you have any special moves in the bedroom? Oh, man. I don't eat pussy. Is this true?

Are you being serious right now? Hold on. Wow. This is one of the only... ways we've learned to get the kill Tony audience against you is being anti-pussy eating. So tell us how did this trauma start, Tyler? This happened to us just a couple few weeks ago. We had a non-pussy eater on.

A guy was on his way of perhaps of getting a golden ticket. And out of nowhere, he goes, the one thing about me, I don't eat pussy. The whole crowd turns on him. I'm like, here's a little joke book. See you later. He was so close. Is it because your girlfriend has a dick? Is that why?

No. No. When did you... You've obviously eaten a pussy before, right? How old were you when you started eating pussy? Oh. Let's give us a ballpark here. Probably like 14.

14. So what happened? Was it a weird pussy or something? You could say. And it... You could say. Was the smell off or something? No, it was just like...

It traumatized you? I think it's a trust thing. What do you mean, exactly? Break that down for us a little more. You know, like, I don't want some... Like, somebody else. Guys, I don't know why you guys are. playing music right now. Hold on a second.

Jesus. Dee, relax. D's so mad that you don't eat pussy that he's hitting an F chord, an A chord, and a G chord right now, and you don't even know about it. They actually do that sometimes. That's not my joke. It's theirs, by the way.

But I did properly place it at a proper time. Why don't you eat pussy? Take us through it. It's just, I come in there. You know what I? And you think there's no self-cleaning mechanism in there. There's no regeneration. Once you've come in there once, it's gay to eat that pussy.

Is that where your brain is? It's not once, but it's like, I come in that thing daily, dude. I mean, like, how fast? You eat it first, though. Red band has the proper method. He says you're supposed to eat the pussy first and then come inside of it. He doesn't do either one, but. What are you talking about?

His girlfriend is a waitress, though. You know, that swamp ass that the waitresses have. All right. Back to the soundboard for Red Band, everybody. Now, let me ask you this. Why are you coming in there so fast that you leave no time to eat it? Does she ever bring up the fact that you don't eat her pussy? Now, the so fast part was you.

What does that mean? He said, coming in it so fast. I was like, come on, man. Like, I just don't eat pussy. Okay, whatever that was. Let's take a step back. Let me ask you this. does she give you oral sex sometimes?

She does. boo this man. Boo this man. Heidi's putting a curse on you. She's giving you the curse. Wheeler Walker Jr. took a little pee break there. Wheeler, let me catch you up.

The guy does not eat pussy. Well, Pamilicious sucks of dick. That's what you were doing back there? Holy shit. I worked fast. She works faster. So Tyler, have you ever eaten your girlfriend's pussy? You've been with her a year?

No. You've never once. Not even a smooch, not even a little peck. No. Have you ever even seen her pussy? Have you ever looked at her? You just stick your dick in there like Dee Madness says, ah, it feels good. You don't do what?

I do that first. You're damn right. I know, Dee. I know you eat pussy. And if I know anything about a blind man, nobody eats pussy better than a blind guy. Trust me. I don't know how I know that, but I'm just making an assumption. When you lose one thing, you tend to be really good at other things.

He can play the bass guitar, the regular guitar. He plays the drums, the violin, and he eats pussy. You say it's a trust issue, so you don't trust your girlfriend's pussy? Good point. I'm not in their pussy, and then I'm like, I just don't trust that the, He puts the nut in the pussy He doesn't eat it up. It doesn't just live there after you nut it.

What do you think it's an Airbnb or something? What do you think of your growing sea monkeys in there or something? What do you think? You think that's where sea monkeys come from? So have you ever ate her ass then? He's definitely never eating her ass. This fucking pussy, that's like asking of a kid that's

afraid of the bathtub swims in the deep end of the pool. Are you fucking kidding me? You think this guy's eating ass but not pussy? How backwards do you have this? What do you watch? The end of the movie and not the beginning? He doesn't come in there. What do you think is happening?

Do you think the guy skips the entree, goes straight for dessert? He's like, I'm not going to eat that pussy. I stick my dick in that. It's literally what he said. It's literally what I said. You were back there letting Pam suck your dick. He actually said that.

If she asked you to do your pushing, you're like, I'm good. She's asked why I don't, and I told her what I just told you guys, and she was like, that's crazy. You know what? Your girlfriend has reviews? like black.

Pussy fucked up. Well, Tyler, you had a great set and normally you would get a big joke book, but you don't need pussy, so you're leaving with a medium-sized joke book, Tyler. I'm sorry, it's a weird show.

We're not racist here. We're not anti-Semitic here to people's, you know, our reputation is wild. But the one thing we are against is people that don't eat pussy here on Kill Tony we're not Republican we're not Democrat but we are a pussy

eating podcast am I right oh yeah we have another regular to get to ladies and gentlemen this young man writes and performs a brand new minute every single week not an easy job here he is with a brand new minute ladies and gentlemen the dark storm

of Austin Texas this is Dedrick Flynn ladies and gentlemen here we go I'm still drunk from early Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. One more time. Professor Darkstorm.

For Professor Dark Storm. Will someone help him with his tripod that he definitely never practiced setting up before? This is absolutely incredible. Hey, Tony, you sit on tripods. Okay. All right, David Lucas Ultra Light. Hold on a second.

Just set up your tripod before you start trying to roast me. You really are drunk right now. No, I'm distinguished. That, guys, help him with this tripod, please, for the love of God. I don't know. This is first time showing up. They don't pay me good enough to get a fucking easel that can work.

Guys, Professor Darkstorm, can I talk to you guys? Women often talk about that they have to go to a gas station to get aggressive compliments, right? And they complain about it, but I would like to ask you, ma'am, what do you know about having to bartend a brunch and you have

to bartend for a bunch of drunk, single moms drinking milferitas? You know what a milferita? So a milferita, a milferita is a margarita drinking by drunk moms, right? And they get more aggressive

with their compliments from how long they've been stuck with kids and how horny they are once they keep drinking the margaritas. Right? Because alcohol is a spirit. It is a spirit, and tequila is a spirit that makes you fun and a hoe.

It makes you fun and a hoe. And they're going to say things very aggressively as you keep serving them, the milferitas, and they'll be like, you know I've had chocolate before. They say that to me, right? But to keep the tips going, you have to flirt. You be like, bitch, you keep campaigning. You're going to get elected.

Right? Because I love drunk single moms. Right. And the problem with drinking is some people think that you have to stop drinking, but I think you should upgrade your drinking. You can't be old and drinking two ingredient cocktails, right? Because if you get pulled over by the police and you have seven Vacaerables, it is immediately jail.

You have a DUI, you are going to jail, and you have to put that thing in your car to breathe in there. But if you get stopped by the cops and you say, sir, I had seven vodka martinis, he's going to be like, Senator, what are you doing out here? What are you doing? We'll drive your car home.

We all have to go to work tomorrow. I know you. My favorite thing to drink, though, regardless of it, I like to drink. I'm kind of pissed off. to the fact that you can get to go wine bottles, but you can't get to go box wine, right? Because I thoroughly believe in slapping the bag.

Right? I thoroughly believe in slap in the bag. Slap in the bag is important. But you have to slap the bag like you slap your girl's ass because it sends the serotonin from their ass to their brain, right? And it reminds them that they are a bad bitch, right? And so you slap the wine bag, right, to send the serotonin through the bag

and you got her trick because she's been a bad girl oh she's been a fucking bad girl she's been a bad girl you gotta slap the bag you like we don't talk like that in this fucking household how dare you say the N word you a white wine perfect the dark storm I'm out

the dark storm Cedric Flynn the old black doctor Yes, I am. Old Black to the Future over here. Come on. Old Dr. Hoodat.

Come on. Old Dr. House arrest. Come on. That's good. That's fucking, right. Welcome. I love this. I couldn't see anything on your easel board

other than an incoming lawsuit when it falls on one of these blonde chicks in the front. No, no, no, no. It's a bunch of science. You wouldn't understand it. It's too much science on there. I don't want to get into too much science because I love science, and I'm an intelligent, distinguished,

I got a degree from D's University. Did you know about the black app, BLK? Yes, I've squandered about on there. And in dubively, I have gathered several five black specimens on there and gotten to the bottom of it. I am not, scientifically, the last dude up here is gay. He's not even a bit of it and that's gay. And that's scientific fact.

I can break it down, Tony. Give me one second. Let me get my marker. I ain't going to do it. I'm lying. I love it. I love it. You have a minute every single week plus,

and I love that you're experimenting with fun, different things. You have the time, so you might as well take advantage of it. Absolutely. S&L fucking does sketches. We do a ton of different stuff here, stand up mostly, but you have that time to make it your own, and I love that you're getting a little wacky with it to me. I'm getting wacky.

Tony, can I break down something real fast? Oh, you have another page on there? Yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready for everything, Tony. The thing is, is that when I get online, Reddit hates me mostly because I'm black and successful. But they get online and they leave reviews, Tony, and I just want to say, because they message me sometimes.

And sometimes it's like, it's a cool roast. We can roast back and forth, but when it's racist, I do what they do. I call the police, right? I go on Facebook, they call me a nigger when I have 80,000 followers. I'm just a comic, and I want to say, caring about single white dudes online

about what they have to say, Tony, it's gay. That is true. That's the gay and sick. That is it. There is not a grown... See, I had a father growing up. I had a father growing up,

and my father would be turning in his grave if I ever had a Yelp review about some free shit. So I'm saying, if you wake up in the morning to message me, you don't like me, that's gay. All right, that shit is gay. I don't even, they call me Fast Forward Flynn. They don't make no sense.

They say they skip my set, but they also say I suck. How would you know, nigga, you didn't watch it? All right? So, just me. And if you're saying, you're a two-faced gay bitch. If you say those things about me, I'm sorry, I get pussy, my girl's tits and ass are amazing. I don't have time.

There's no, sir, sir, you look like a little. a grown man. Do you have a yelp? No, you wouldn't. You do what I do, right? If you go to a restaurant, you don't like it. You just don't go back, right? Or you let her leave a review, and then you put your two cents in. Like, yeah, that food sucks, and they didn't

have paper towels in a men's restaurant. Darkstorm. Yeah, you did it tonight, buddy. A fantastic presentation by Dr. Bedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. I love it. I love it.

On to the next one. We go back to the bucket ladies and gentlemen. We've had some, I would say some fun, interesting bucket pools. Last week we had some tough interviews. Even if the people had a good minute, they were giving us nothing in the interview portion. This has been fun so far. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It goes by the name of Honey Donowitz, everybody.

Here comes Honey Donowitz. I'm about 1.5 Milford is deep. So let's see how this goes. Guys, let's do this. I also eat pussy occasionally, so What's up? Yeah. I know people like to call this

the slur tourism capital of the world, but I don't think we get enough credit for our homeless people as an attraction. It's just like... Austin's like a movie. More like a scene, though. Beetlejuice's waiting room is a scene. It's just like it's all open wounds

and costumes out there. I can't be the only person. person here that was kissed by that lady in the ball gown outside, right? Okay, fuck. I feel kind of special now, but shit, you know? It makes me grateful for my house, because, like, I'm not even that stable. It's luck that I have four walls to be a freak behind, you know? It's luck.

But I did adjust to dudes jacking off on the street really quickly. I think that speaks to my personality, unfortunately. Oh, you know? But the one thing I didn't adjust too quickly is I'm used to having a day to do. for like at least a year and a half before he's spitting at me and calling me a fat retard. Honey Donowitz.

Welcome to the show. Honey Donowitz. Have you been on before? I have and I fucking kind of sucked and you're pretty cool about it. Yeah, I don't know if we're going to be that cool this time. That's okay.

Lightning doesn't strike twice around here. Welcome back, honey. Let me ask you first question because it's a theme of the night. Are you on the black app by any chance? No. Because I think you would fucking destroy. Yeah, she would destroy.

Yeah, she would destroy. Yeah. She would destroy. you would be like the star. I skipped all that because thanks to kill Tony, I got an only fans, and that's all I need. Oh, wow. Okay. How much you make it on only fans if you don't?

Not enough. I don't focus enough on it. Unfortunately, I love comedy. Just give me a ballpark of what you're making. Like $2,000 a month. $2,000 a month. Yeah. Okay, what's your rent?

A little less than that. A little less than that. How else do you make money? Is there another thing? I still have a day job. What's your day job? I run a sign company. here in Austin.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Okay. Cool. All right. You run a sign company. I do. I'm the president.

You're the president? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a grown-ass woman. Okay. It's cool. So hold on. Their boss finger blasts herself on the internet?

No, I don't have to do that because I got this thing here. I barely do anything. I just take pictures, dog. I don't have to show your butt hole. No, I don't even show hole at all. No hole. You don't even show your butt hole?

No, I don't have to. You hump pillows or anything? Nothing. No. So we booed the guy who doesn't eat pussy, but we don't fucking I'm an entrepreneur. Me and D-Madness

just cackled the same at that. That's very funny. We boo the guy that doesn't eat pussy but the bitch that doesn't show a hole. It's so funny, Sam. Honey, you are a very interesting shape of woman, if I don't mind you, Sam. I would agree with you.

What exactly is going on? You have a lot of olive oil in your diet or something? What's going on? Well, no, I, um, I don't know what it is. A lot of avocados. What do you eat? Like 17 avocados a day or something?

What is it exactly? I do it a lot of Mediterranean diet, basically. But mostly it's just like, I think it's because I grew up in the hood. It's just by osmosis. I think so. I think so. I could see. What hood did you grow up in exactly?

Houston. Houston. That would have been my third guess. What was the first two? Detroit. Okay, fair. Fair. And Atlanta.

Yeah, yeah. And then I would have said, then it must be Houston. And you would go, yep. And then the crowd would have. gone crazy. I was hoping for Philly, go birds. I bet on it. No, no, no. Philly would have been my, like, fifth guess. So, Honey, Donowitz.

How long have you been doing stand-up? Just over a year. Right. And does it ever really go really good? Yeah, yeah, it really does. You perform a lot? In black clubs? Yeah, yeah. I think we both know that. But.

Honey, the stuff that you did tonight, is that like your best material, or is that new stuff that you're trying out? It's medium new. Because you kind of, it never goes good when the comedian says how much they drank is their opener, right? You said you had what? You know, I was actually kidding. I didn't drink for this because I had a good feeling that I was going to get pulled. So I'm actually sober.

I do love the Milferita. So I thought it would be fine. What is it? Milferita. What is that? It's what Deidrick just had on the whiteboard. Oh, got it. Got it.

So you were doing the callback. Callbacks to his set, yeah. In the industry, yeah. Got it. Got it. And then you did a call back to the person before him, and then you finally got to your thing. I did, yes.

It took three and a half seconds, I think, though. A little bit longer, but it's okay. Who's counting calories? Why don't you charge anything for your only fans? Huh? Why don't you charge anything for your only fans? So it's free to subscribe, but then... That was quick work.

Fuck. Jesus. He is our senior only fans correspondent. But then they have to pay to talk. to me and that's what the guys They have to pay to talk to you? Oh, that's fucking nuts. Yeah. Do they have the other subscription

where it's all whole no chat? Nope, it's all chat. They just want to call me a dumb bitch. That's what I'm getting paid for most. Welcome to my world. How much does that cost? $5 a message. Do you take Apple pay?

Yeah. It's a low barrier to entry. Honey, tell us the most interesting thing about your life. Something wild ever happened? You ever have like a near- experience, have any special skills or talents, anything like that? You know, I like to consider this one of my talents and a lack of social skills, so that fucking

sucks. But, no, I'm really into bodybuilding and powerlifting. It's a goal of my, I broke my neck doing it. She's also into lying. No, no. All of this is fairly documented online, but... How did you break your neck? I dropped a bar on it doing a lift.

Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. But it's okay. It's cool. I survived it. But it's just like a disc, right? A broken neck is... No, it was my C3 through my C5 where it just kind of demolished. They're all steel now. It hurt your shoulder, I bet, didn't it? No, I couldn't feel my shoulder for a while, brother. That's how... It was a full break, yeah. That's kind of what I'm saying. It doesn't really hurt your neck, that those discs. It hurts your shoulder. When I see your I see bodybuilder. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in different shapes and sizes, guys. Not everybody is like, you know...

You're into squats, that's for sure. For sure. For sure, yeah. That's your specialty. Yeah, yeah. Right. How do you know when you're done wiping your ass? Probably same as you.

The question the whole world was thinking. No one had the balls to say it. It's weird when we have the same question. That's definitely one of those $5 messages, brother. That is true. That is true. Do you ever bidet with an exploded fire hydrant? Exploded fire hydrant.

Do you ever just like, ah, now's my time? A regular one just wear. You know, I don't have access to fire hoses. They like white girls, like real ones, not this shape. Honey Donowitz, do you have a boyfriend right now or a husband? No, I actually recently swore off dating for a while. Why? What happened to where you would swear it off?

I really like autistic guys. It's complicated, you know? No, really, seriously. No, that's actually, yes. So the last guy you dated was autistic? Dated is a strong word, but yeah. You were banging an autistic guy? Fuck yeah.

Was there anything weird, any weird routines about banging an autistic guy? Do you have to like go over there and watch Pokemon first or something? Anime, I think. Yeah, yeah, pretty fucking much, yeah. But really, is there an answer to that? Is there, like, something weird that comes along with? No, it's just like, they don't like loud noises or fast movements, and those are two main components of fucking, so.

All right. Yeah. Well, Honey Donowitz, here's a little joke book. Honey Donowitz, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. All right. On to the next one. Oh, we know this young lady.

She's very, very funny. Make some noise for her, ladies and gentlemen, coming off of a really great setter last time on the show. Make some noise for the great Emily Wade, everybody. Here we go. I hate when I'm not on my period. Because then I don't have an excuse to be a bitch. When I am at my period and you cut me off in traffic

and I call you a fucking cunt, I can be like, oh, I'm sorry. My tummy. But I'm not on my period. It's just like, damn. Is that who I am? That is a person. A raging fucking kind? Okay. Ma'am, can I ask you a personal question? You ever fart and it goes up in the other hole?

No. Okay. That's fine. It's just me. But is that one hole in the other? No, all of a sudden, I got a burp. I got both sets of lips reverberating. Talk about the pussy that talks back. All right, guys, that's my time. Thank you.

I'm Emily Wade. Emily Wade. Back again. Welcome, Emily. Thank you. Hell yeah. Very fun. Sam Tripoli.

You look like the after picture for the last comic. Like, you got on Samhick. Yeah. If she actually lifted weights and worked out. If she actually worked out. That's how she would end up.

I'm honored. She has a great ass. I aspired to that. It was a very hefty ass. Quite the low. if you will. Jesus, Red Band. That's his one fart noise per episode that he's a lot.

No, that was just my assholes. There it is. It's a little burp. My bad. Little Emily burp. The best part of her is she's so nervous, she shaked and her tits just wobbled the whole time. Do your tits do the same when you walk?

Get them, Emily, get them. It's always fun to have you on this show. What else is going on in life? Anything crazy? I just got hearing aids for the first time. Oh, wow. How's that going? It's going great.

It's kind of crazy. My hearing loss makes it hard for me to hear, like, higher-pitched voices. So you and... Yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. Women are hard for me to understand. Nice kids.

When did you read? realized you had a hearing problem? When I went to the doctor and they were like, yeah, girl, that's not good. But you got something for me? Where'd you find your doctor on black? Hey, girl, that's no motherfucking good, but we're going to need to give you some AIDS of some kind.

Hearing aids are pretty cool nowadays. Yeah, they are. They're like Bluetooth and shit like that. It's actually kind of cool. I actually can listen in on conversations if I connect to my phone and put my phone in a room, I can hear you when you're talking shit about me. Whoa, that's wild.

What have you heard? I was in the airport, and I overheard a group, like a bachelor party, and one dude looked at the other, and he was like, dude, what's empathy? My flight was leaving, so I didn't have time to explain it to them,

but hopefully they learned. That is hilarious. Empathy is a thing that most people, most men learn later in life, I do believe. Women learn it. early for some reason. Then they have to explain it to some guy after telling them they have no

empathy. Yeah, I got empathy beaten to me, so. Oh my goodness, by who? My mom. Is that how you lost your hearing? Oh, I saw I got my first concussion. Damn. What did your mom beat you with? Anything she could mind? Wow. Mainly her fists. Was there anything special that you remember? My grandma would always hit me with a spatula. She would chase me around with a spatula, a wooden spatula back in the day. You had a yardstick? Wow.

How about you, Sam? Nah, my parents tried one time and I fucked them up. Sam's Armenian, so his dad would spray cologne in his face when he would misbehave. Very bad boy. You're bad boy, Sam. No, dad. That's exactly how my mom sounded. No, she didn't hit me with anything special.

Her favorite thing to do was to bash my head against walls and then call me a dirty little whore. That's a lot. That is exactly what my mom used to say to me. Emilio, I'd love to have you on the secret show. Here's a big joke book. Take one of those. Bing Bonn.

Oh, thank you. Every once in a great while, well, let me put it to you this way. Very often I get hit up by managers, agents, you name it, show biz people, and they say, I want my client to do your show. And 100% of the time, I say, now, that's just not how it works. We're doing something special here. We have a bucket. If I start going against the bucket, it'll just start to break the integrity of the show.

Other than that bucket, of course, I have my own people that I think it's long-term storytelling to show their growth. Sometimes it's a step backwards. Sometimes it's a step forwards. The point is, I never really debut anybody that I don't personally know on this show. And then, a couple weeks ago,

the ultimate exception happened. My assistant, the lovely Sarah Sloan, one day said to me that there's a man that wants to start stand-up comedy. And that man is the creator of Fire Festival. In which I have watched, I think, three, four, five fucking every documentary about this thing that's ever happened. So how excited am I to introduce for his first time ever doing stand-up? Ladies and gentlemen, this is the creator of fire festival, Billy McFarland.

Wow. This is the lies it's been all night. My name is Billy McFarland, and yes, I am the creator of fire festival. Relax, guys. If I organize this, you still be stuck at the fucking airport. It'd be a little grateful, all right? Recently, I went back to this little island called Utila Honduras to do another fucking festival. Everybody told me I didn't learn any lessons, and I'm here to say, that's bullshit. First, I learned how to apologize in Spanish.

Second, I googled Honduras prisons. I quickly learned to give a fuck about customer satisfaction. And third, being here tonight, my first ever comedy night, I see all these great comedians. They bust their ass for 20 years to beg for a Netflix special. I only had to serve four, so I guess I'm doing something, right? When everybody asks me what's next, the answer is pretty easy. When things don't go right, you just got to ask for some more money.

So I'm really excited to meet my hero here, Tony. Tony sells tickets first, then he pulls names out of the bucket, and you're stuck with guys like me. Tony, all I can say is you're one cheese sandwich away from that jail cell, baby. It's not so bad. Billy McFarland, ladies and gentlemen, with his first ever stand-up appearance. This is special.

Billy, I am so intrigued by you and what you've done. I find Fire Festival and its legacy to be one of the most interesting things in the world. Because I'm not that much of a party guy, right? Like, I like drinking with my buddies and listening to music, right, over the ox or the Bluetooth or whatever. But I'm not one to go really to a festival. But I love the fact that there was all the... these douchebags that really wanted to be part of the hippest, next, coolest thing and take selfies and get out there. And you gave them nothing. They got on planes and they headed up in, I don't know

if you guys know as much as me, but it might be the most diabolical story ever. I implore you when this episode is done. There's one on Netflix. There's one on Amazon. I think they're basically everywhere. Everybody made their own Fire Festival documentary. It is the greatest. You know about this, right? The FEMA tents. These people all bought luxury loges and stuff

and they showed up. Billy. First of all, welcome Billy. We're happy to have you. It takes a lot of courage to come on this show. You did really good. You went through your stuff.

You had no notes the whole time. You survived to fuck you from right off the top from a guy in the audience that apparently tried to go to one of the festivals How much do I owe you? It got like 400 bucks.

Don't give it to him. Don't give it to them. So what made you want to start stand-up tonight? What are you up to nowadays, Billy McFarlane? Yeah, when you asked everybody how long they've done stand-up for, I hope I got to ask. I think it's like, what, 45 seconds now? Yeah, you did a full minute.

You ended at 59 seconds on our clock. It was great. That's your first time. We actually did three festivals in the past year, so yeah, that was pretty cool. Where at? Two in Utila, Hunt. and one in Turks and Kekos. That was pretty sweet.

Who'd you have playing there? Anybody interesting? Mostly rap, I think most people like electronic now, but like French Montana, Ray Schremert, Bobby Schmerd, Bobby Schmertes. You had those guys? I know all about those guys. Believe it or not, even though I sound and look like this, I know every single person

you just mentioned. That's amazing. And people showed up, huh? How much, just out of curiosity, how much does a ticket to your show in Utila run? Because that's a Yeah, I still owe 26 million, so not enough. Right.

When the guy was passed down hundreds before, I got a little excited. You are such an intriguing character. Again, I don't know if you guys know as much as me, but he famously makes deals to the artists, and then, I mean, I don't even know. It's impossible to explain in such a short amount of time. I'm not Jewish, no. No, if he was Jewish, the festival would go off without a hitch.

Everyone would be happy. everyone would make money, they would do it again and again. I mean... I didn't know would have siphoned off some money. And trust me, if he was Jewish, he wouldn't have had such bad weather at the original fire festival. That's the other aspect.

You throw a storm in the mix. Shit gets crazy. Wheeler Walker Jr. is one of the biggest country music stars in the world. This must be interesting for you to be up here. It's cool to meet such a successful promoter, right? Thank you. That was my fire festival, you're set.

Billy, you got through it. What else have you been doing? What is a guy like Billy McFarland do for fun? How do you pass the time? I had a baby eight days ago. Whoa, is that your first kid? First kid and excited and was really concerned, but the baby did not look like Bobby Smurta.

So that was her relief after some time in the island. I was a little scared. That's fun, Bill. Did you show up for it? I was there. I was there in the hook. That is so fun. Wow.

Amazing. So you did the Fire Festival, flamethrowed it, just destroyed everything, and then a woman was like, hey, nut inside me. Yeah, where'd you meet this lovely lady?

Was it at one of the festivals? I met her right after when I was on bail. So word of advice to the ladies, don't date a guy who's on bail. It doesn't go well. Where is your case at now? I'm free. And actually, not lying, my former cellmate, who got out seven days ago, is actually here.

I just saw him for the first time in years. Wow. He just flew in from Chicago. So what's that, Beto? Wow. Am I'm a moderate. Beto, no more gang signs. How much time did you do?

I did four years. Oh, cool. You did four years. Where was that at? All over, but I kept getting in trouble, mostly in Detroit, Michigan area. Wow, that's got to be rough, huh? Yeah, pretty bad.

Is that how you booked Bobby Schmurda? Did anyone think you were Jared from Subway and want to fuck you off? How did you keep getting in trouble in prison? Tell us about the process of being like a promoter, white guy. You seem kind of like a, you know, you seem kind of like a sensitive human being, and there you are in a fucking federal prison, right?

Yeah, I had a cell phone. trying to talk to my girlfriend turned wife now that didn't go so well. And then I did a podcast over the payphone, and that was one of my worst ideas. I've had some bad ones. You were doing a podcast over a pay phone? Yeah, they didn't like that. Wow.

How many episodes did you do? I recorded the trailer, and then they're like, McFarlane. Time to go, buddy. Was the cell phone that you had, obviously? You weren't allowed that. You snuck that in there? Generally against the rules. Right.

Yeah. How do you charge a cell phone? in prison. Do you have electrical outlets in yourself? I can't discuss something. People hide parts in some really bad places. Oh, wow. You had a charging. Do you get in your ass? I did not. I had a, I had a

booffer, as he called himself, who he was a dedicated ass man. Did you... Did you... Wow. Did you... Your service must have stunk. Bread, man. Where's your good joke sound? Bring it up.

Red band. Old stinky service. Hell yeah. Wow, that's amazing. How much do you have to pay the booffer? Like, I think 40 bucks a month is. Wow. He had to continuously keep booffing.

I would have done it for free, but... Billy, this is amazing. What else can you tell us about prison? I mean, again, you famously, again, you guys... I'm sure you have some of you, but you really have to watch these documentaries. I find it to be the most intriguing thing on planet Earth. Because you, through a lot of this stuff, we're living kind of a life of luxury, right? You've always had a decent, sometimes vast sums of money, it seems.

And, I mean, it must have been a real drop-off being in prison. Yeah, I flew here a commercial today, so life is rough. Say that again? I flew here a commercial today, so life is rough. Right, right. probably Southwest. This is a big Southwest. It was bad.

Yeah, that's rough. Billy, again, what's the craziest thing you saw in prison? Four years all over federal prison. My cellmate, who was a really good guy who had been there for 20 years, he stole a clothes iron, and I guess he was able to get away with it, and he made his case that he has every night for two years. Whoa. That was pretty cool.

Wow. Good dude. Did you get to watch your documentary in prison? I went outside by myself, and, like, slowly like paste around the rec yard but everybody else watched it so it's pretty pretty sad wow

you never watched it never watched it oh I think you would find it to be amazing oh I can you might be if you watched it you would hate you I think so too what were the cassidias made out of

I'm curious to know and did the boofer bring the ingredients we separated church and state there I love it. Billy, a very courageous maneuver making your stand-up comedy debut here. Is there anything you want to promote or plug that might be happening or not happening?

I wasn't coming here to raise money, but... Just kidding, guys. Thank you for that opportunity. Really great to be here. Beto, thanks for coming out. Billy McFarland, ladies and gentlemen. You can't make this shit up. One of my favorite documentary characters of all time.

He's alive. He's a real guy. That's Billy McBarlin. Do you guys know who the fuck that is? You've seen the documentaries? I mean, yeah, boo. I mean, at the same time. Wow.

It's fucking amazing. It's like if the lady from, he should be more hateable, you know, like he seems too nice. And he does throughout the whole thing. Like, it's like crazy. He's like trying his best, but there was like four people

that were supposed to run an entire festival. They're like, we don't know what to do. He's like, let's just do it. we're going to do it. And God was like, no, you're not. It's not happening. All right. Well, ladies and gentlemen, back to the bucket we go.

Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Joey Smith, everybody. Somebody told me I looked androgynous the other day. I said, you mean to tell me I look like I can breathe on land and in water? Is that what you're trying to tell? I love complaining. Anyone else in here, white? They like to say we don't have culture,

but let any white person in this room get a cold meal so if we don't show you some fucking culture. You know what I mean? I love complaining. It's my favorite thing to do. I've been doing this new thing where I just call Amazon and tell them I'm not happy. No order involved.

I'm just not a happy person. You know, if you do that for 35 minutes, they'll give you a $15 gift card. Do you believe that I was? Start standing up there. going, hey, let me talk to Jeff real quick. All right, I've been Joey. Who's that?

Joey Smith, 52 seconds. Very funny. You've been on this show before, right? I'm not. Really? I've not. You look familiar. You're a funny guy.

Thank you. I appreciate that. How long you've been doing stand-up? Coming up on eight years in December. Nice. Where were you doing it for eight years? San Antonio and then here. Awesome.

Awesome. What do you do? You just do this for a living? So I do this, and then I have a sales job as well that I do a 9 to 5. Yeah. You do it from home or you have to show up to an office. No, I get to work from home. I get to be a scumbag from the comfort of my living room. It's pretty amazing.

Drug dealer, that's what you are. Drug dealer? No, it's more of a garbage disposal type situation. I'm selling a lot of those. If you guys need one, let me know I got them in my trunk. Maybe a black t-shirt would be better. Yeah. Yeah, that is a big white shirt. Yeah, yeah. I'm out here looking very big and white. I apologize about it. Joey, what do you do for fun when you're not doing stand-up? You know, I like to do, I like to do, you know, nature stuff.

I'm dating this new chick right now. She's big into nature, so trying to get into that. I don't look the part, but I hopefully will eventually. What are you doing out there in nature? Just fucking dying, dude. The whole time. It is scorching out here. Yeah, I'm like, dude, I need a fat bitch this time.

I can't do it no more, man. I want to watch TV. TV again. Where's that at? Yeah. Yeah. You got to tell the nature lover that there's fucking National Geographic on there. Yeah. You guys can chill.

I love it. Joey, how long you've been with this, girl? It's only been like a month. Okay. What's the most nature-ish thing that she's taking you to do? It's bike rides. Everything's a bike ride. Oh, no. Everything's a bike ride.

Have you pulled the red band? Have you gotten an electric bicycle and never peddled once? Yeah, exactly. His pedals look like. Have you ever seen a quadriplegic shoes? It's got an electric bike. He's never used it. Is that the face you make?

I'm going to switch it up. I'm going to get a Walmart cart and just kind of ride that around with her. That's going to be pretty fun. Yeah. So what's your girlfriend look like? What kind of chick do you pull? I go way out of my league. It's crazy, man.

You can like, I'm going to clip it. and just put pictures of them right here, but, I mean, it's tattoo artists, hot shit, you know what I mean? This one's an influencer. It's pretty sick. We went to high school together, and out of high school, she became a stripper. And that was pretty cool. She started doing, like, stripper content.

And then now she's doing, like, dog training stuff, and she's doing great. Wow. No, no, no, here's the thing. I've seen those videos. Yeah, she's doing great. She's doing great. Yeah. But, I mean, I honestly cannot help but feel like I brought this bitch out.

the club. You know what I mean? I really, I can't stop listening to Don't Tolover. I'm like, walk around. She don't want a street. No, I'm like, I can't, I can't help it. That's it. That makes sense. A stripper turned dog trainer. Yeah, yeah. Who knows how to lay down, roll over, and bark better than them. Yeah, yeah. Very true. Absolutely incredible. And I'm guessing Joey Smith, since you're pooling someone hotter than you, that you are pro-eating pussy. Am I correct? Oh, it's, I'm like Donald Trump when it comes to eating pussy. I'm the greatest of all Hell yeah. There's a woman that just,

you're exciting the crowd so much. A woman with a broken arm just took off her cast, ladies and gentlemen. She has an actual cast. She's pulled her arm out of the cast in order to pump her fist. I'm not even kidding, ladies and gentlemen. It's a real thing.

Don't let her slide out of the chair. It will happen. It's happened before. Joey, do you have any special mood? Do you have any pussy eating advice for perhaps? We've found out of the chair. only recently that some men don't eat pussy. That could be him ducking.

There's a guy ducking. This is the shame. Oh, that guy eats pussy for sure. I'm sorry, sir. Look at that fucking guy. Look at that. I would never. That's Joe Rogan's stepdad right there.

Look at this fucking guy. Holy shit. That guy doesn't just eat it. He stalks it and hunts it down to it. Yeah. He eats it, swallows it, digests it, kicks it out again. He goes again. Do you have any pussy eating advice out there for anybody that might be listening?

little shy. We had a guy on earlier that said, I don't eat pussy because I come in there. Ew. What? Yeah. What the hell? That's so crazy to be like, hey, I came. I guess I'll do the same for you now. All right? Let's try it out. Here's what I will say, fellas, about eating pussy. The sex starts the minute you start making out, right? You can do that for 45 minutes to an hour, right? Eat her pussy for six minutes, fuck her for four. You guys fuck for an hour in ten minutes. You guys get that?

Wow, look at that. That is some wisdom that I was not expecting young Joey Smith. That is some confucius. Joey Smith once said, sex start on making out. Does your girlfriend measure that in dog time? We do have to have a little doggy towel for accent. I will say, you know.

Wow, Joey Smith, you are a riot. Red Band. I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. Thank you so much. And that just so happened to Joe. Joey Smith, you're amazing. Thank you. Joey Smith is going to the Secret Show on Thursday.

And I'm so excited about this bucket pool. This young lady is one of our favorites from the Comedy Store in Los Angeles. We are so happy to have her back. Make some noise for the return of Angie Stroud, everybody. The great Angie Stroud, one of the top young rising comedians in the world. Thank you. I feel like every comedian nowadays has a joke about 9-11, trans people, and Michael Jackson.

So I have done The Impossible and put all three of those things into one super joke. This is that joke. A trans woman walks into a bar in the World Trade Center. She walks up to the bartender and orders a sex change on the beach. Bartender says, I'm sorry, we don't have that. She says, it's okay. I'll just use the bathroom. He says, ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

She says, why? Because I'm trans? He says, no. A plane just hit the building. She runs out of the building, bumps into Michael Jackson. He instinctively blurts out, he-he. And she says, it is she-her. Wow.

God damn, that's a great joke. Holy shit. Angie Stroud is back. Angie, that is fantastic. This is my debut. This is my first time. Doing that joke? Doing Kill Tony.

Really? Yeah. I feel like we've had you on before, no? No, first time. I'd remember. Wow, amazing. That's crazy to me. I feel like over the years you've been here.

Maybe we just saw you afterwards or hung out or something. So good to have you on, Angie. Is that a hiccup? Is the king of podcast hiccuping live for the first time in 13 years right now? What happens? Do you get the hiccups when there's an actual funny female comedian around you? Is this, are we learning something about Red Band? Angie, fantastic. Remind us all.

How long you've been doing stand-up comedy? I've been doing stand-up for seven years. Seven years. And you started at the comedy store, right? Yeah, I'm a door guy at the comedy store. I started in college. I was driving a bus, writing jokes, and now I take the bus. Yeah, that's awesome.

I'm moving up. Yeah, you're right on schedule. I love it. How's the comedy store treating you nowadays? It's fun over there, right? Yeah. You know, I was parking the cars for a minute. All your favorite comedians I've sat on their hemorrhoed pillow.

It's a charmed life. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing sets hosting. I've opened Sam Tripoli show. He called me the N-word. It was amazing. That happens.

That's how you know you're in the real game. That's how you know I like you. And you worked a lot at the comedy store, huh? Yeah. Does Mark Marin ever give you a $5 bill and ask for change and tip you $2? or did he change since we moved here to Austin seven years ago? There's a lot of witnesses to this. I know that's all...

Mark Marin famously asks for change for 8.5. You can't make this up. But anyway... There's a lot of comedians that will bring a $2 bill. Oh, that's crazy. And they'll be like, that's for luck. Oh, yeah. Wow.

Yeah, it's a real booming economy out there nowadays. Angie, that is so fun. You know, as crazy as life is, and as much fun as we have here in Austin, the Comedy Store, obviously, has the dearest place in our hearts. And you're one of those people that I saw a long time ago, and you're really holding it down over there,

and we love that. So thank you. The great Angie Stroud, ladies. You're a great show. One of the great... I love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. I would love to do. And you know what else I'll say, Angie?

because I wield a lot of power, and I find it to be so fun to do this every once in a while. We do now, our show started in the belly room. How long have you worked at the Comedy Store? Three and a half years. Three and a half years. Our show started in the belly room of the Comedy Store 13 years ago. Now, when we go back to Los Angeles,

we do the Intuit Dome or the Forum, all the biggest arenas in L.A. usually do it about once a year. And I'll tell you this. Next time we do Los Angeles, I'll give you a set in one of those arenas. How about that? You'll make your arena debut

there in L.A. And here's a big joke book to take with you. Where can people find you? Give your Instagram or something. How do people find you? Follow me on Instagram at Angie St.R.O. Thank you guys very much. Angie Straub.

Well, there's only one way to end an episode like this, ladies and gentlemen, that is with one of the greatest regulars in the entire show's history. This man is a freak of nature, absolutely unstoppable. Not only is he one of the greatest regulars in Kiltony history, I can say with no ego and no hesitation that I do believe he is my personal favorite stand-up comedian in the world, period right now. I call him the anomaly, the real deal. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new minute from the great Pat O'Neill. During COVID, I lost a lot of weight, intermittent fasting. Or is it known in Africa, life?

Okay. There's no KKK in Africa. Just mosquitoes, nature's clan. All right, switching topics. Midgets might seem like they get drunk faster, but that's really just the way they walk. And you know how to deal with a Jewish mission? Easy bake oven.

A small across. Okay, thank you. Unbelievable. It just reminds us all why we do it. Just so fun. Sam, this is probably your first time seeing Pat O'Neill, right?

It's a tsunami, dog. Yeah, yeah. It's an honor, buddy. That was really funny. You are an intense dude. I love it. Thank you, fellow. Thank you.

I love that. Wheeler, you ever see anything? That was the best stand-up I've ever seen in my life. Hands down. And I saw a chick who turned down rape from a same kinnison. Yeah. We did see that earlier.

We did. Pat, how's life going? Everything good? Yeah, yeah. I heard you guys talking about that black app a lot. The BLK app. Oh, yeah. You know about this? Oh, yeah. I was on there. You're on there?

Yeah. I was trying to order KFC. Can you imagine a guy who would do worse on that app? I thought they were still calling it Black People Meat. It was confusing. Oh. Oh my God. Pat, you are so fun.

Love that shirt, Pat. I like it too. Killtonymerch.com. That's right, killmerch.com. That is the brand new Killtony Pat O'Neal shirt. Pat O'Neill's shirt. Oh, we have a lot of great stuff. D. Madness glasses are now for sale.

And my personal favorite, Heidi's Farts in a Jar. It is an actual Killtony Mason jar in which she has farted into the jar. You can buy them and you open it and you sniff it. And that's what Heidi's Farts smell like. And we did do one, one out of the thousand that we made. red band farted into the jar. And we don't have that one labeled. So good luck.

It's Russian roulette out there. Are they moving? Are they moving? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're flying. They're on pre-order right now. Hundreds of these jars have been sold.

Am I correct, guys? Sarah? Yep. Okay. I just hope the asteroid cut. Sarah, can you confirm the four jars, please? You know what I think would be cool, Pat? is if you and Wheeler switched places,

and Wheeler Walker Jr. plays us out with a little, absolutely. A little classic hit of his, a reminder, his new album, Pulling Out is available everywhere. The Pulling Out tour starts in two weeks. WheelerWalker Jr.com. He's one of the biggest country music stars in the world.

Sam Tripoli's new special is on the guest, digital YouTube. Andy has World War Debate available everywhere. How about one more time for the great Sam Tripoli everybody tonight? Samtribly.com. Five of stuff.

One more time for Pat O'Neill. And ladies and gentlemen, playing us up tonight with his hit song, Fuck you bitch. This is Wheeler Walker Jr., ladies and gentlemen. A one, two, three, one, two, three. You packed up your stuff.

It's rarely over. Said you've had enough There's one thing I'd like to say For you leave Hey Fuck you bitch You broke my head

Fuck your dog Hope you never caught bitch Hope you wind up A lot Jerking off To pictures on myself But before I just scream, hey, fuck you found someone new. Well, I hope he does it for you, but it's not.

Fuck you. Say something. I love you guys. November 13th and 14th. Get tickets. Tonyhengeflip.com. We love you. God bless the miracle.

Tripoli.