KILL TONY - KT: Behind the Tape (Ep: 785 Duncan Trussell + Kurt Metzger)
Episode Date: September 20, 2026An exclusive, behind the scenes look from KT Episode 785 KT guest Duncan Trussell + Kurt MetzgerDuncan Trussell, Kurt Metzger, Pat O'Neill, Dedrick Flynn, Martin Phillips, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzal...es, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Grooveline Horns, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Monica, Colt McNeely, Steve Glass, Nathan Poling, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 09/07/2026 Watch Kill Tony and other exclusive content, ad free! Plus tons of perks. Get Kill Tony + for $5/month now at https://killtony.supercast.com/ TalkSpace: Find the licensed provider that’s the right fit for your need and get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com AG1: For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at https://DRINKAG1.com/KILLTONY Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
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It's Joe White.
Joe, how are you now?
How are you now?
How are you to eat today, Tony?
How much?
How are you, 383?
Yeah.
I filed for 183.
I fucking love killed Tony.
I'm getting picked tonight.
I'm getting picked tonight.
I'm getting picked.
Dick, dick riding ass boys, all right?
But we're out here.
Real comedians, is it recording?
Real comedians out here in Austin doing the motherfucking thing.
All right?
My name's Lingo.
See me on the other side.
Huh?
Why are you here on Labor Day?
Is it Monday?
That's why I'm here.
I moved to Austin for this, so I want to be famous somewhere.
Might as well start here.
When I first moved here, I had a one minute set ready for Kill Tony.
Time went by.
I had another minute that was funny than that one.
Time would by.
Now I got this new minute that he was funny than him other two.
So if I can get on and do this job,
Oh my god, it's gonna be owned.
Please kill Tony Call my name, J.P. Madison, man.
Trying to tell ya, I haven't been through it to get to it.
How many times have you signed up?
At least 35 times, 35, 40 times.
And not a single...
Nothing.
Ain't never been picked out once.
So, maybe tonight would be tonight, but I'm gonna keep on trying.
I mean, I started comedy in 94.
I was a teenager.
Hold on, let me show you something.
Let me show you something.
Look at this.
I was in, this is in 94, this was my first headshot.
I started comedy in 94.
I went on the road for a while, then I moved to LA,
then I moved to Miami.
But I've been doing this for a minute, son.
I ain't, I'm a seasoned veteran, you anything?
You are the fucking man, B.
I swear to God, you have more swagger than everybody put together up here.
I know that song.
Hey, Keena, is this lighting?
whiter than normal or something?
Joe White.
Did you get laid this week?
Do you have any close?
I did when I lay down on the sofa.
That's the closest I came to get laid this week,
is laying on the sofa.
Oh, nice.
What did you do on the sofa?
I had a date with my hand.
Oh, okay.
Did you look at porn on your phone when you did that?
No, no, I'm past sale.
You have enough in the spank bank.
You've made a lot of deposits.
Yeah, I don't need that.
I don't need to pour it.
Now let me ask you this.
When you're picturing a girl in your mind and you're jerking off, right?
Because you're a little bit older.
I'm guessing that you picture a girl with a full bush.
Am I right?
Oh, no.
Never.
Really?
Oh, no.
Total turn off.
I would have guessed you're a bigger bush supporter than the Republican Party.
No, no, no.
I live with that for 25 years.
I'm over it.
That was back when I was very.
Wow.
Your ex-wife had a big bush?
She trimmed it a little bit.
She was Hispanic, so, you know, kind of goes with a territorial.
They're good at landscaping.
Hi, Heidi.
Hi, Tony.
Oh, my God.
Oh, nice.
You look so nice.
Why do we look so nice?
Redband, you didn't get the memo.
Wow.
Red band.
Yeah, your basic instinct.
Red band's never gotten the memo.
He forgot that we're supposed to be nice.
His Wi-Fi is not working.
Is this recording?
Are you recording?
Yeah, yeah.
Are I supposed to say?
No, no.
What's up?
Uh-oh, don't get this on camera.
Look out.
Before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something.
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We're giving members a brand-new angle of the show that's never been seen before.
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Back to the show.
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This the real is the right here.
Memphis Pemper.
Yeah.
Pimp, 3.1.
Yes, sir.
And then Memphis Pimp.
And then Memphis Pimp.
Oh, my God.
They don't mind.
Hey, I'm staying on the bitch.
I don't care if she's blind, cripple of a car.
You know what bitch ain't lazy.
You gotta come with.
That's how I do.
All day.
Rain, sleep, or snow.
Yeah.
Hey, black, brown and white.
I'm gonna pimp of this motherfucker.
You're going.
You're going.
You know it.
Tell him.
Yeah.
See, he was on, like a week or two ago, blew it up.
I'm just waiting on my chance.
I'm waiting on my shine chance to get on there
and do the damn thing.
So come on, pick me, man.
Come on.
My boy, Justin, my boy, Justin,
he's famous.
Hello, Josh.
Next up right here he's got all of us on he on, bro.
He's got he gets back like that.
All right kill it, dog, for real.
You're trying my brother.
Oh my god, you're still up.
He's got nervous.
You have to go pee.
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If I tell Kurt to strike only when necessary, he'll probably listen, right?
I feel like he did good last time.
I feel like he did good.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
All we can do is hope is crate him to Adderall.
What do you call it?
Ratio is correct to that.
He is great a chaginney.
Does he have you completely hooked on it yet?
You already went through, right?
You went through the feel-free thing.
They got the best deal.
You still dabble in it?
Do you know how much cratim I have to take a day to not shake?
Like, I have to understand how much fucking cratim I am so addicted to, I have to take, like, it's like a, it's almost like a garbage bag size, bag of pills.
I just have to constantly.
Oh.
I never like creatively or not.
I like those feel freezers are.
You never liked them.
You loved them.
I remember you.
The funniest thing about it was real.
everybody thought I was addicted to cratim and then just leaning into that as much
that's possibly good because it would make me feel sick you drink one of those fucking
things you have to throw up like mid by the end of the night I've never tried
shit's nasty but the they were selling apparently at 7-11 they made it illegal now
but they were selling cratom totals that were like a temp 10,000 times stronger than
the yeah well they made that that illegal
That was like creative E or something like that.
Yeah.
Did you dye your beard?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Oh, red hair.
Wow, it's very, very dyed this.
Oh no, it's really died right now.
Did you fall asleep with the dye in or something?
No, I used dark brown instead of light brown.
Whoa.
It's good.
Yeah, get the fuck out.
Old beef Chuck Norris over here.
Tony, what are your thoughts on dyeing your beard?
I don't, I think gray is cool.
is cool. I'm so excited about the gray hairs I've coming in that I'm like I was so excited to have started.
Yeah, I, every once I'm I'm gonna pick it around. Yours looks amazing. You literally have the two.
I mean, you're fucking set. O. G. Cush. Not before the show. Not before this show. Yeah. I would have
thought I smoked before stand up. Um, sometimes. Not really. I chain smoke cigarettes, but
For this thing to be able to host the fuck out of it
and know where I'm going next and know what to ask next
while also letting people talk at the same time
while also trying to wonder if they're going to do good or bad
and keep it entertaining while not making it repetitive.
No, Sativa locks me up.
Does the opposite effect.
Yeah, Sativa's...
I used to love Sativas for like 15 years
and then I don't know, man, you know, our shit changes.
and evolves.
Some people get allergic to your other kid.
Yeah.
I'll tell you this, if you're into a setiva, our head band leader, John Dees, has a
setiba that will make me at least pace and sweat.
Oh, that's it.
He's got it.
No one's got it better than John Dees.
I've accidentally hit his blunt a couple times and it's a nightmare situation.
We brought this up to you before.
We spoke to joint together outside of stand-up by a hundred.
to stand-up live Huntsville, probably like eight or nine years ago.
Before I started to...
Yeah, I was there with Jeremiah Watkins, right?
I very clearly remember that stop on my tour
as being one of the, you know, just wonkyest fucking...
It was brand new, too.
So, like, they didn't even know what it was.
In 380 seats in the middle of nowhere, Alabama?
Exactly.
I've probably sold 100 tickets, maybe.
Lucy reached out and headlining it,
the day of the Iron Bowl.
And I'm so scared.
Wow.
Hey, that's great, though.
It's the Saturday after that begs.
I mean, look, you know, if, you know, people will want things to do.
They'll want to be out of the, you know, out of the house.
And they haven't announced the time of the Iron Bowl yet, so I'm just fingers crossed.
It's that early afternoon, yeah.
Then everybody just shows up hammered.
I made that out of class.
Yeah.
It's tricky.
That's what you got to do now.
Sometimes that never ends.
Sometimes you'll be doing the Chicago Theater
while the Bulls are in game seven.
Sometimes you'll be doing MSG
while fucking the Yankees are playing the whatever.
Like shit like that never ends.
Just because you can sell more tickets or whatever,
like God's hilarious.
He is so funny.
So many nights where like John Mullaney and Kevin Hart
are doing the other arenas or theaters in town,
like every time.
There's always something.
It's always game seven.
It's always, this is their fur,
they're the underdogs,
they shouldn't even be in the playoffs.
Always.
Stanley Cup.
This, that, yes, sir.
You know, I haven't eaten in three days,
but I really have to shit right now.
God damn it.
Hey, Mother Ship, how are you?
Come up with something better than...
Jesus, we're halfway through the show, you asshole.
We talked about that last week on this show where it's like,
how are you people still coming out and going,
Hey, Austin, Texas, how are we tonight?
You're an hour and a half into the show.
They're good.
We got it.
You waited four hours to sign up for the show
and you're wondering, you think we're just failing?
I think we're just flatlining tonight for the first time.
It's unbelievable.
Oh, it really can be.
And then once in a while you have to have a, you got a gem?
You, you. Me and you both.
How does it feel to be the king of poker?
Well, I'm playing against a bunch of mentally handicapped people.
So, David Lucas is, I mean, beating.
Let's be honest, I beat Pone, okay?
Wasn't trying to do that.
He's my best bud.
Everybody knows we're going to Mexico together.
In two weeks, just me and him, fucking best buds.
Yeah, I had to teach him what was up, you know?
I had to teach him how to play the game and how to not let the game play him.
And I think he learned a lesson, which is, don't fuck with me.
Yo, are you trying to kiss me right now?
Look at this guy getting his own key to the city.
I have it in my calendar.
I think I might.
I think I might come shock that your liberal fucking fan base.
You asked him what's in their refrigerator.
I'll ask him what they do for work.
He's kidding. He's kidding. He's kidding.
He's kidding. He's kidding.
Don't ask any questions during the show.
But I'd like to get to know the contestants.
You're going to put in you.
No, no, no.
Everybody's so much.
I will do what's in there in Frigernier.
You do the words.
For your question.
Paying down, I'm gonna take my dick out on three.
One, two, three.
But please, for the love of God,
nothing longer than seven minutes of a version of a song.
I'm being dead serious.
You guys ruined it for yourselves last week
with that 21 minute fucking elevator music remix bullshit.
I'm literally up here going, I do the same thing every week.
John, John.
John.
John.
Every week when you guys go down there,
like during Runaway, the whole room is like,
holy shit, unbelievable.
I go, yeah, they're the fucking best damn band in all the land.
Watch this.
And every week, everybody's happy.
The whole way through, they go,
I can't believe this is part of the fucking production.
And then last week, everybody here's going,
are they still doing this?
Red band?
The whole room.
And we love you guys.
We're your biggest fan.
There's my point for you.
Oh, yeah, they have to be jumping.
It was a 21-minute version of some Stevie Wonder shit.
And by the way, you have B-Madness right there,
knowing the lyrics, able to sing, and you got you.
Just, de-de-de-l-l-de-l-l-d-d-d-d-l-d-s.
Singing the lyrics with your right hand, playing the bass with your left.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Ever since you got your key to the city, this is how you have.
Tell me more.
Okay.
As long as I'll keep you sure.
The crowd's attention span.
We want to keep on.
We're going to play 12 songs too.
As long as you don't talk in between every song we're going.
I got a speech for every white person in the crowd.
It's going down.
This is my impression of a...
Hello, Superman.
I know friends.
How are you doing?
How am I doing?
Are you just going?
I'm going.
Do you see that?
Do you see that black guy in white?
Do you see that black guy and white face over there?
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying. You would have loved getting to hang out with it because you two are
You guys?
Yeah, you know.
When are you going?
I'm going, um, when did your mom show up?
I can tweak it so that we time it right.
I just don't want to miss it, you know?
I'll just give you a hot contact.
You got enough flip?
liquid you think? Yeah, I just want to pee on stage.
What are you doing?
There are you, you know, just a couple people asked me to get some.
Those are your friends, those two?
You gotta be nice to me because we're on camera.
But seriously, you just bring, why do you have to bring people with you?
Can you film this?
Um, there he is.
I, uh, I asked for VIP and then I think they gave in the room, but I can put it.
Why?
It was just three friends.
I figured it was okay.
Dude, what do you want me to do in the future?
From now on, there's the, there's the...
You don't come in here.
They don't come to where there's free drinks and food.
I didn't.
Your guess?
I asked, I asked for.
You asked Sarah Sloan?
Yeah.
Right.
Okay.
I just said, I was like, I assume the green room is packed.
VIP or regular spot.
It was three.
Right.
And then I'll just, I'll specify.
Right.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
Are you still in a room?
Do you want me to tell them?
I go.
What about favorite artist?
Okay.
From that.
That's from now.
You got it.
You have enough Red Bull, though?
What are they sober?
They all had a big breakdown at some point.
They hit bottom.
Your friends all hit bottom at some point, I know that.
All right, well, good to see you, man.
That's literally my best friend.
It's just so nice, you know.
It's so funny.
This is, and, of course, I'm like, my pickup line is like, you don't like an expert.
He's like, you look like an ex-man.
With the black latex leotard, like the red sash for a Halloween.
So hot.
And she's blonde.
Guys, we want to talk about a fun that we're raising money right now.
This is first ever passion on this brand new golden ticket.
Just wanted a couple of weeks ago.
Ladies and gentlemen makes some noise for your first meeting at night.
Very funny, man.
It's brim-free.
Just ran in from 6th Street, getting the shit scared out of me.
I got came up to me and he was like,
like, hey, you want to buy any fentanyl?
I didn't know you could get that shit on purpose.
I thought it had to be a surprise.
You know, like an engagement or a finger in the butt.
Some of them are surprises.
I just thought you had to get fentanyl on the side
with an order of cocaine.
I didn't know you could get that shit a la carte.
I'm scared the hell of it.
Loves you.
I was like, more fun.
There's something about you guys
that when you're in trouble,
it's like the best thing ever.
It's me, me gay.
It's me, Omar.
I want a
Jemo
and I used him
Yeah, I switched up what I was gonna do
because I wanted to get that quick pop up top
So I decided the fentanyl thing
And then I did the call of my dad thing
Wait, when did you switch it?
Right, kind of like 30 seconds before almost
Well just like I, the bit that I was gonna do
Yeah, I just, I don't know, it was just I went with my gut
That's everybody's advice was like, go with your gut,
gut said you're not going to get this one out as clean. This one you've been, you know, I've been
doing that dad joke for a while. And also I think three years ago when I'm bombed, I think I've
attempted that joke before and then it's too long so I bailed out. So this time I got it out
clean and I feel good about it. So how did this time on Kill Tony feel than your last time
when you won the Golden Ticket? So here's how it felt different. I was just having a good day at work
and I got surprised with it last time.
Today, I've kind of had all day to hype my, like freak myself out about it.
It's crazy that I decided to switch the bit, but I'm glad I did.
Like, it's a good bit, and it's about my dad.
It's kind of on brand to the other stuff,
but my next stuff will be more about dating and things that aren't my dad.
But now we got the dad stuff out.
So, yeah, I'm feeling good.
More.
Yeah.
Probably him and then you.
Really, definitely.
Because it's a small gap between.
You get married for it, like eight months.
Wow, I'm amazing.
Luce you're stuck it out.
You get.
Do you have a count
I do?
I do.
What I had way to brush my hair, like,
400,000 brushes.
Yeah.
Four thousand brushes.
It's like driving without power steering.
Yeah, I found out there's a lot of work being a hot girl.
Girl, tell me about it.
Girl.
Girl.
Hi, it's us.
The first two kill Tony regulars.
It's us.
In the house.
Not the list.
We made this.
This is built off pussy.
This whole thing is built off pussy.
This whole thing is built off our clits.
Don't say that.
She takes it back.
I don't.
Okay.
I had to be your voice crack a little bit when you said it, right?
All right.
So how do you get burned?
What edits do you just make?
I just sat to run it and a lot of it bombed and I'm just on the fence about some room.
I cut.
I might cut.
Obama's dick got beat.
Yeah, Michelle Obama's.
a horse cock, that bitch is a horse. Cool, cut that. Trump's been renaming everything, like he just renamed Epstein's Island to never been their island. Pussy Grab.
Fuck. You might be nice. Okay, cool.
Little did they know, Gomer was a real need. I think Gomer would have visited our local
Puckings where he got that foot long San Ticha on a stick, picked it up and said if this was just charmed.
Show me your face, I can blur you in pose.
I'm Hans Kimmer. I'm Hanski as where.
I'm also Hansky.
You just gotta start to tell the bunch of played out racist jokes?
Whoa, you gotta cut back.
Okay, good, perfect.
Why are you covering your face?
Because you try to get us and Peyton Ruddy fucking executed.
That's why.
Because I remember what happened to those other guys.
And guess what? We haven't seen Peyton Runny since.
Lord knows what happened to his ass.
Put his ass in the news all.
Fucking creep.
Stop looking on my ass, you fucking pervert.
I'm going to leave you with this.
This weekend marks 25 years
since the most heinous acts
was perpetrated on mankind.
Silver Side Up by Nickelback was released.
Fortunately, the Twin Towers came down that week
and gave us a welcome distraction.
Sir, when you...
Instant Pickles.
Now, how long does it take to put on your makeup and to stress up?
25, 30 minutes now, got it down.
Do it, I'll do it every day now, so.
It's like second nature.
When did you come up with this character?
It was based on Puddles Pity Party.
The singing clown, if you look for him out there, he's, um, he inspired me.
I met him on stage a couple of times, and that's where it came from 10 years ago.
That's incredible.
And who are you behind the mask?
Like, what is your ethnicity?
What's your race?
Well, I'm Caucasian English guy.
That's it.
People think of my black guy under him.
I'm not.
And where did you get your dark sense of humor from?
It's great.
My father, who's sadly no longer with us,
but that's where he came from.
When do you want to become a comedian?
My father, actually.
I mean, I was going to get on stage
when I was 19 and a mothballed that,
and I took a break.
And I made my day.
when I was 55 so it was quite a break have you ever tried getting some eucalyptus and perhaps
rubbing it into your hands have you tried this muscle rub muscle rub that's a winner I had
was one of the sign-ups there and the Asian lady licks to me had got the
yeah that makes sense you're young young he'll just be like that famous
Asian Trump depression that was close you've done up since that this is actually
first time. Wow, incredible, tricky, amazing. Most people start and warm up before talking
about black guys barbershops, four houses, and Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm talking about the black guys again.
I actually, so apart for each strokes in Baton Rouge, they're a horrible competition and I, I didn't get no laughs,
everyone's constantly pregnant on the other. I bet. Barber competitions be like that.
Because he wasn't always a full-time roster guy. You know, he wasn't on Monday night prior.
Save him for like paper views.
There'd be a big buildup.
You wouldn't see him for a while
and he would come out absolutely nowhere.
I'd like to think this next comedian
is our version of that.
Sometimes he's gone, comes back.
He is an icon.
An absolute freak of nature.
You guys are about to go nuts
as I bring to the stage for the first time in quite a well.
In fact, I think since killed Sony Media,
this is the long-awaited return
of the one and only...
I'm gonna fuck your girl.
Okay, relax, bitch.
Look, I don't know if you guys all know
these episodes are on a delay, okay?
Like, this episode's gonna be coming out in a week,
so I'm doing topical jokes
based on what I assume will happen.
This is crazy.
Do you guys see how Obama's dick pick got leaked?
Yeah.
Michelle Obama's?
She has a whore.
September 11th, yesterday was Rochechashana, Jewish New Year, where my Jews at?
Get the fuck out!
Thanks.
Wow.
Give you all the year, good.
You know what healthy anina is, Nathan?
No.
It's like, um, just like a supplement, but like coders in Silicon Valley, like the people that like might reduce mushrooms because they care enough about their job that makes them that much better.
just like have that with like coffee and that's like getting that gum it's like tiny bits of
healthy with caffeine in it and it makes it so you like you know when you get like jittery when you
have coffee you drink coffee yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't get jittery if you have got
healthy yeah i see yeah yeah would you learn this information i mean it was on you've never seen that
like thing on you've never seen like the shark tank reel about it because like yeah yeah yeah
yeah they're like one of those people that told them the fuck off and then that
like still made it.
Wow.
Okay, I see.
I don't know if you guys probably heard,
but we lost someone really important
in the Kiltone family.
And I, uh,
I just want to pay some respects to them,
so play the video.
Here it comes.
All right, here it comes.
Give it up for my special needs son
in the fucking sound booth right now.
All right, guys.
Here we go.
So up this is in and put it in once this bucket pole goes up.
Wow.
Wow.
Just like watching my set record from last week just so I know when to cut it off.
It's like you're supposed up.
No, you're so right because you're 420 joke.
I remember, like you posted that immediately, but like there's so many people who are reposting that and like getting so many views.
I knew that would be big too just because of what I've always said.
It was like I would like do my open mics.
but like fucking like 20 people in Rhode Island and it's like just like if the crowd reacts well with the joke
has nothing to do with like online was that has nothing to do with what the joke is about how good it is
and just like how the crowd reacts so I knew that one and I like got on top of it right away posting it
I'm gonna split this at you
That was dees.
That was dees.
The legendary
singing no break.
So let's see what happens.
See,
for this stage.
Jewel Tollie.
Everybody, everybody.
Dude, that was awesome.
Was it?
Yes.
Fucking,
every single time I get off,
I'm like, that's so.
I mean,
I was so funny.
It was like the first time I
prepared nothing for the interview,
and I was like,
what's been,
what's been going on?
Let me get you two right here.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess you can say whatever you can carry me in that bill on me.
Actually, Pat, could you stand with your foot right here on his, on his leg like this, like a model?
Yeah, sure.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
So your foot is right here.
And you're like this.
Actually, it should be.
No, not to it.
I'm definitely not doing it the other question.
Okay, okay.
All right, here we go.
One, two, quick.
Wow.
So, Pat is the alpha.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
See on my left.
It felt kind of a lot.
See my, Pat, show my life.
Let me just get you guys sit right here.
Oh yeah, that's fantastic.
That's a great one.
We haven't done too many.
I don't know.
I know.
It's a wild panel.
You're on one.
Yeah, yeah.
People think that you, uh, you snagged me because you didn't.
Like, I think I tried to fist bump you and you're already like,
You were already like, fucking out.
Yeah, I've seen.
People like, yeah.
Tadoneo fucking.
This is behind the scenes, baby.
You get on that shit.
Get off my black ass.
You ain't never seen nothing like this.
You ain't never seen none.
I'm working on a new character.
His name is Dedrick Flynn.
Hey, man, you ain't never seen none of this shit.
What you know about that?
What you know about that, motherfucker?
When you say there ain't no black people,
is that a double-name?
Were you up in two?
It depends on how many bucket balls they do.
Dude, I put a tear stick in my fucking bottle,
and that was not worth it.
Oh, God.
Whoa.
I was waiting back here to hear, like, who the video was about,
and once I was like that.
Yeah, it was pretty...
Yeah.
Did I not tell you about it?
No, I don't know.
I think so.
I heard the Martin Phillips show at sunset when I walked in,
and I was, like, telling people.
Yeah.
Oh, thanks, man.
So a little behind the scene stuff.
If you send some awkwardness between Pat and I,
Pat tried to fuck me and Mitzies the last episode I was on.
And, you know, I let him know I'm not gay.
And so it's a little weird, it's a little uncomfortable for him.
But I think I'm going to force him to be my friend,
even though he tried to anally fuck me anally.
So just make sure you got that.
sign up for a show you I have no idea you gets addicted you got a taste of that sweet sweet
crystal faint juice if you will in other words an interview part of the show the first time you
signed up it's amazing what happens here wow I don't think hoogie's quite the conspiracy
here you get one shot of hooty if you blow it that's it dude carfiel that's right
okay guys it is that time ladies and gentlemen there's only one way to end this show like this
I call them the anomaly, the real deal.
The baby's a job makes me like this.
Last week, my doctor told me how sometimes erectile dysfunction
can be the result of depression?
I was like, no, dude.
I'm sad because my dick doesn't work.
Stop talking about feelings like a chick and fix my fucking penis, please.
I want to come on his chest.
Look at that fucking shirt.
That's how...
Yeah.
Wow.
That is...
The Heidi shirt.
Heidi shirt.
Makes me feel better about doing it to myself.
It is an amazing shirt.
Available at killmerch.com.
Pat will be with us in Dallas, Houston, Las Vegas,
and the Moody Center on New Year's Eve.
We're going to have a lot of fun.
How about one more time for the anomaly?
The Real Deal.
Pat O'Neill, everybody.
First joke didn't do well.
Some fucking idiot yelled.
So just fucking fucked up the timing.
Oh really, yeah, yeah.
I just saw it at the table yesterday last week and I was like, oh yeah, give me one of those.
I was like, it saved me a week on my four trip.
You gotta order more stuff.
I order like 10 outfits a week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know my student sunglasses.
I don't need to hide my shit.
No, I'm gonna fake my death this weekend.
I'm not gonna tell anybody, but I'm gonna, eh, hey, it's a joke.
It's a joke, so you know.
I'm gonna miss you.
I know.
Is that beautiful?
I'm moving here.
I know.
Is that crazy?
I know it's crazy.
I'm glad.
It's like a drinking chura.
I know.
We've been talking about it.
All right, I guess I'll bring us with me.
Are you talking about Sarah?
She's a human being.
I'm not just a sexual object.
I'm also a human.
Is that your dog?
What?
No.
No.
What dog?
This is my second pee today.
This T.
So it opened up next to my house.
It's called HTO.
It's just iced teas.
It's the most amazing.
So now I'm just non-stop.
I'm drinking huge styrofoam cups of ice tea on it.
Oh, I love it.
But I have to pee so much now.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you won't get kidney scones.
Yeah.
I have a really, really cool location.
Oh, this dude?
Yeah.
Any other day.
Any day, yeah.
Any day, yeah.
Like, I don't work.
He's like parent when you're downtown.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry to interrupt.
You got a break up.
Why?
There's so much place to be in the middle.
I know, but I did that thing that you wanted me to do with the balloon in your asshole.
I should have seen that cut.
Dude, your last joke was great.
Oh, thanks so much, Kurt.
You were so funny, dude.
It's really like horribly sensitive to have to have to have.
Right.
That's great.
The missed time to air ones.
What?
The air horns.
They're so awesome.
You should have air horned yourself for you.
I know when you die.
Oh, I know.
I was thinking of that, but I'm hair horns so many times.
I told Tony I almost want to like Saturday night, like have Janice go on my Instagram guys.
Just give me some time and stuff like that.
Or Sunday, or Sunday night or something.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sunday night.
What?
Yeah.
Good red band.
That sucks, though.
I'm glad though he said natural causes,
because if he would have said like a car accident,
then every time I was in the car, I'd be like,
fuck, fuck, here we have.
I got some ice from Flintstone vitamins if you want.
You can chew on them all week and stay nice and healthy for us.
It's so weird that you, you're eating those
because I just watched a documentary about them.
About Flintstone vitamins?
Yeah, I'll send it to you.
There's so much different.
They're not the same.
Do you guys follow with an adderol?
No, so I don't know.
I've had like the craving farms that I ordered some on Amazon.
They were like $26.00.
When I was a kid, I would just eat those like candy because my mom wouldn't give me candy.
Right.
Yeah, they're just eating your food.
They're so good.
Nothing's the same.
They're not the same, but they're still really good.
Well, it was created, just watched a documentary bit.
No.
Does it give you long?
No, they're just, they're not.
They're just, they're as shittiest you think they are.
Yeah.
They're not with one of it.
That makes sense.
And Betty, I think, whatever, Fred, not, no, Barney's wife.
Wilma?
Wilma?
I guess she was the only one that didn't have a Flintstone.
I think it was her.
And then people got mad from that they made her.
But all the little boys wanted to liquor.
This is a documentary.
So it was one of those, why am I watching this?
Yeah, yeah.
But I've got to be watching it.
I got to watch it now because I've been eating them.
every day.
They're not going to do anything for you.
Just eat candy.
No, they have literally like zero nutritional value.
For like children, they're like 100%
if you're like under four.
You're just wasting money for the taste.
That's what I wanted them for.
We're not.
Yeah, lots of food die too, I bet.
Yeah, lots of food die.
No, but I'm saying there's candy.
I'm sure I can get you connected with like a Japanese heart candy
that tastes like it that's cheaper, you know?
Sure.
Dungan.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
See you guys later.
I got to crash.
Man, I flew from Seattle this morning.
I'm a big of here.
I'm a bummer.
Come on, dude.
I'm an old day.
We need to hang out.
I would love to hang out.
We need to, we've got to geek out more often.
Yeah, we got to nerd out sometime.
Suck each other's days.
Yeah, we got to slap it off.
Yeah.
The old day.
You know, we got to go a week.
I know.
Oh yeah, you only got a few days.
Yeah, I'll come over tomorrow, man.
Yeah, I love nerding.
Hell.
I do, too.
You're actually the least slutty.
She's actually the least slutty person I know.
Even though she looks like hot sex,
like she looks like she is just dripping with sluttiness.
She is actually the least slutty person.
Seriously.
Don't you wish I was like a little, a hair more slutty?
I mean, no.
I don't.
Honestly, you know, if I was single, I would take the slow road.
I'd be like, let's go to church together.
Yeah, that's what I want.
I would make keys for her, you know.
I would take the slow road.
I wouldn't let you make any, I would make all the key.
I would work out.
I would lose weight, it would be my normal self.
You'd be your best self.
Whenever I'm not in a relationship, I just transform it in like three months.
I'm like, I just lost 80 pounds.
Working out like I'm only eating lettuce and stuff.
It's pretty fun.
I just haven't been able to do that in 12 years.
Thanks, Janice.
We love you, Janice.
I miss it though, I miss working out, but yeah.
Janice is pretty healthy.
You can't work out with you.
You can come work out with you.
I'll pick your out.
Wait till Jamis is gone.
I'll be there all day.
Yee!
So, man.
Oh man, that's crazy work.
I appreciate you though.
Everyone loves you, dude.
That's wild. I love it.
You should film you.
Ah, come on, man.
Shout out to everybody out there always watching us, always supporting us, man.
We all love you.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, bro.
Appreciate it.
We'll see y'all next week.
