KILL TONY - KT: Behind the Tape (Ep: 786 Donnell Rawlings + Sam Tallent)

Episode Date: September 26, 2026

An exclusive, behind the scenes look from KT Episode 786 KT guest Donnell Rawlings + Sam Tallent Donnell Rawlings, Sam Tallent, Pat O'Neill, Dedrick Flynn, Martin Phillips, D Madness, Michael A. ...Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Grooveline Horns, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Monica, Colt McNeely, Steve Glass, Nathan Poling, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 09/14/2026  Watch Kill Tony and other exclusive content, ad free! Plus tons of perks. Get Kill Tony + for $5/month now at https://killtony.supercast.com/ Cardiff: Get fast business funding without bank delays—apply in minutes with Cardiff and access up to $500,000 in same‑day funding at https://Cardiff.co/KILLTONY Meriwether Farms: Upgrade your snack game with real American beef and get 20% off your first order of Meriwether Farms Natural Beef Sticks at https://meriwetherfarms.com using promo code KILLTONY.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Yes, sir. Another kill Tony Monday, man. Everybody's great. Everything's going fucking great. This is the place to be. If y'all missing out, I feel sorry for your sucky-ass life. Mike guest one, guest one. Mike Chet. Mike Check. Mike, guest one. Cool. Mike check, guest two. Mike check guest two. Cool. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Who's who? Who? Who? Who? is ready for the best night of their law. Awesome, thank you. Who's ready for the most regular night
Starting point is 00:00:58 that could ever exist in the world? All the way to red band, one at a time. It's gonna be a regular night. Whatever you can. We have to get the panelists for tonight and his flight got delayed like really bad. The show starts at like 8.30. We're gonna be coming it pretty close.
Starting point is 00:02:07 So we're gonna go pick him up at the airport, bring him back here. I don't know them about it. Policies are as low as $30 a month. $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at ethos.com slash kill Tony. Application times may vary, rates may vary. Trust pilot rating as of 8-1, 2026.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Look at Joe White here. I mean, I'm gonna get rich so fast. This is incredible. Joe, how old are you? 184, Tony. 184 years old. Yes. Make some money.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Go to Ethos today. I'm some fun. Without a doubt, that's Part of dot CO slash kill Tony today. 892. Joe, you're perfect. It's far a nickel. Here, Joe, stay close.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Stay behind that curtain. Wait until I call you out, okay? I'll be the best ad read ever. Yeah. Before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up.
Starting point is 00:04:24 You get every new episode ad-free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes, behind the scene stuff. Extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too.
Starting point is 00:04:45 It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtony. Dot supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtony supercast.com. All right, back to the show. Hey, let's talk to the small business owners out there listening right now.
Starting point is 00:05:13 You know, running a business is tough. But you know what's actually painful? Trying to get a loan from a traditional dinosaur bank. They treat you like you're asking for a personal favor. Drown you in endless paperwork and make you wait weeks just to say no, it's absolutely ridiculous. I know how the banks have worked forever. It's terrible. Joe White, come on up here and tell them what it used to be like. Red Band. That's where Cardiff comes in to save the day. They are America's favorite small business lender
Starting point is 00:05:38 because they actually understand entrepreneurs. No red tape, no corporate headache, just simple, fast, access to the capital you need to grow, upgrade equipment, or hire more help. That's right. If you've been in business for at least one year and make at least $20,000 a month in revenue, you can apply right now for up to $500,000 in same-day business funding. at Cardiff.co.co slash kiltony. That's cardiff.com.com slash kiltony. The application takes just three minutes and has zero impact on your personal credit score to apply. So stop begging big banks for your own growth, approval in minutes, funding the same day. Go check them out today. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff, borrow better. Let me tell you how bad banks used to be. Joe,
Starting point is 00:06:18 what year did you ask for your first loan? 1892. See what I'm talking about people and Joe knows. That's why he signed up at Cardiff. without a doubt that's cardiff dot co slash kill tony today like kind of viral i'm ready bro oh dude they fucking hate you dude they hate you dude they hate me why because you got understand redid is like the area for pathetic white dudes to thrive so they don't have to do anything accomplish anything in their lives so when they see an accomplisher it fucking grinds their gears especially accomplisher that has had more limitations than they have you
Starting point is 00:06:54 You feel what I'm saying? And they're mad because I'm confident because to them, the only way they would be confidence is arrogance because my confidence is confidence. I can deliver on everything I say in do. Can not one of them see me in pull-ups? Can not one of them see me and getting money?
Starting point is 00:07:06 Not one of them see me in fronties. So regardless, they can't. That's exactly why, because you can go down my history and you see, he fly, he used to be fat, he'd get money, he's funny, and he knew he was funny before he got a ticket. And he said that shit.
Starting point is 00:07:23 What you mean? You're not hate me. I did it and I said it. How could you not hate it? It's either you're inspired or you hate it. What are we doing right now? We are picking up Sam Talent. The show starts in a little, an hour and four minutes.
Starting point is 00:07:38 So this is actually pretty scary because we're really cutting it close, actually. So yeah, let's see, is Sarah good at banter? Can Sarah banter with Sam Talent? We'll see. I'm going to try my best, Nathan. I'm really going to try. No, you got this.
Starting point is 00:07:51 You got this. For the most part, I feel like I'm pretty good at just, like, talking to people, you know. It was crazy whenever I was in Miami, I was in the airport lounge and I was, I was, like, going all over the place, like, up, down, bathroom. And I thought I was being pretty annoying. And then this guy was like, are you Sarah Sloan from Kill Tony? And I said to him, I'm like, oh, wow, I'm not used to being recognized outside of Austin. And he was a good looking guy.
Starting point is 00:08:19 And, yeah, we were talking about tech, because, yeah, we were talking about the Apple Wall. We're having a great conversation. And then he's like, oh, I'm going to Austin. I live in Austin. I moved there in January. And yeah, it's one of the things where it's like, he's a nice guy, good looking guy, but it's just like what he's supposed to do?
Starting point is 00:08:37 Wow. Dang, Sarah? Yeah. And so then I was kind of like thinking, oh, what if we sat together? You know what I mean? But then, and we might up, who knows? But then seconds before,
Starting point is 00:08:55 I get on the flight, they upgraded me to first class. And I was like, okay, well, skirt, skirt. And so then, but then I made sure, because you know, whenever you're, like, you're walking past first class, and they kind of look at you like you're like a poor girl. Well, or a poor boy, like you. Oh, yeah, but like, so then he was walking past
Starting point is 00:09:16 and I made sure to, like, look up and smile at him, like, hey, I'm just like you, even though I'm in first class. Yeah. Yeah, but then I was like, it's one of the same words, like, I'll probably never see him again, right? Like, should I have done something? Should I have like, you know, been like, hey, what's your Insta or something? I probably should have, but.
Starting point is 00:09:39 Yeah, at least Insta. I should have done that. I should have done that. I don't know what I was thinking. Wow. He might see this, though. Yeah, right. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:09:48 There are some people that do like you. They like the confidence. People that work hard. How can you hate someone that work? I can't hate a grinder? How can you hate a dog? The only reason you hate a dog is you're a bitch. I'm a bitch made, all right?
Starting point is 00:10:02 You're a bitch with no puppies. You're a fake bitch. Ah, you're the worst kind of bitch. That's why you hate it. Because you ain't, you want to be me so bad. There's a half finished zero sugar A&W root beer. That's fine. Oh, it's yours?
Starting point is 00:10:19 Yeah, yeah. I thought she drove a foster kid to soccer practice. Oh, I won't sleep tonight if I finish the whole zero sugar. Do you feel like a lot of standups are getting away from drinking and all that? You know what, dude? Like, I'm so far removed from stand-up. Like, I do the road on the weekends, and then, you know, when I got something to promote, my friend shows, I'm part of the greater community, but, like, I don't know about, I don't hang out with comics a lot, you know?
Starting point is 00:10:48 So I really don't know, like, what they're up to much. I know that after a while it's really hard to be really good at stand-up and drink every night just because, like, you're hungover and you're not 100%. But some guys build it into their act, you know? Like, I don't know. Seems tough. And then there's a lot of pressure with stand-up. Like, Shane would drink beers, and people are like, oh, he drinks a lot of beers.
Starting point is 00:11:14 It's like, yeah, I mean, there's hundreds of millions of dollars depending on him being funny all the time. like maybe let the guy have a couple blood lights. Just the crown's very heavy. Yeah, I've heard he can drink like unlimited amounts. Yeah, I could drink beer like Shane. I think that's why he likes me. I'm one of like three people
Starting point is 00:11:36 he thinks is funny and also I could drink beer a lot of it. So I think that's why we got along. Dang. Yeah, but like, I mean, dude, 30 beers? Easy. Not easy, but multiple times 30 beers for me. Miller Light, not Anheiser Bush. I haven't forgotten what the Nazis did.
Starting point is 00:11:59 That Nazi beer. I mean, the Bush family don't look too deep into them. He just got off the jet, open up for Fluffy. Stay busy. Stay busy. That nigga, my cousin, my barber, my best friend, my B. What that nigga don't do? That is amazing.
Starting point is 00:12:24 What that nigga don't do? You got some vodka so I can hit it. I got must be in you need. I used it. Hey, that nigga really need to go to take. That nigga really didn't. He really do, but whenever it comes. Y'all niggins be on line thinking you can separate men and much of men.
Starting point is 00:12:47 You can't. You can't, we family. Hey, he can have my job. You ready. He better at me. We're better at him. He better than you. Shit, fuck is y'all talking about.
Starting point is 00:12:59 Hey, Gordon. Hey, Gwett. They're gonna'all. I wish Reddy was a real place to be come shoot it up. Oh, right. Beat your ass on me. Man, you can't get that shit on MapQuest or nothing,
Starting point is 00:13:18 but we're gonna blow y'all dick's out, man. Come over there, Atlanta, come talk that shit, boy. Man, say MapQuest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't MapQuess, really. I can't Matt Quest. You too. Y'all can talk all day, bro.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Come to the block. We're gonna see you, boy. These work all the time. They fly for free, too. No, don't know. I didger, I've ever met an IRS later? Nah, them niggins be taking pictures with me. They just want to meet me, mate.
Starting point is 00:13:48 This thing ain't no... Why I give a fuck about a goddamn dude crying online? That's gay. I'm not here to make men happy. That's gay. I had a father, my nigga. I don't need you. I'm here for the bitches. I'm here for the people that get bitches.
Starting point is 00:14:02 You don't get bitches. That's why you're mad. Why the nigg is talking about you for you? You know, you're mad. Oh, Tom. Hey, sweet niggia out there, you can't call it. Today's sponsor is Merriweather Farms
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Starting point is 00:15:04 they're savory packed with nine grams of protein and easy to take anywhere. He is easy to take everywhere. Whether it's work, the gym, or Brian's bedroom, where every snack becomes a cry for help. Tony tells me they also taste delicious just like him. That's right. And unlike most things Brian puts in his mouth, you can proudly tell your family about these. So, get your beef sticks today. Go to Meriweatherfarms.com right now and use code word kill Tony to get 20% off your first order of beef sticks. That's M-E-R-I-W-E-T-H-E-R farms.com. Maryweather Farms natural beef sticks. Like Joe, it's real American beef. Like Heidi, it's bold flavor. And enough protein to help you survive another open mic or one conversation with Red Band.
Starting point is 00:15:48 I'm ordering some right now. Great, maybe chewing will finally keep you quiet. That's Meriweather Farms and code kill Tony for 20% off your first order. Oh, thank you. Tell Tony, because I know he was scared. He was like, drive, sit. You heard him, right, Nathan? Yeah, he's like, drive safe, drive slow.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Oh, yeah, don't let people know Tony's a nice guy who cares about his friends. It's bad for the brand. Yeah. I don't want to kiss his butt, but yes, he's very, very caring. People are like, isn't Tony Inchcliff pure evil? And it's like, if he was a bad guy, would I do his show? Like, I don't need to sell out Milwaukee bad enough to, like, you know, hemorrhage my soul hanging out with ghoul. Literally all these relationships he's built over the years because he's so evil.
Starting point is 00:16:36 He's like, yeah, he's like a wicked, awful man. He's backbiting. He sucks blood. Yeah. He's not a homosexual. Like, all these lies. It's crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:47 He loves women. I'm in, okay? He does. I mean, I was with him on his fucking birthday. I saw that guy be horny in public. When we were in London, it was like three days of just being horny after dark. Oh my gosh, you did the London episode.
Starting point is 00:17:00 I forgot about that. Well, that was purposeful. No one will ever see it until we're all dead. I told him, dude, we should do a 30 for 30 where it's like, we're very self-effacing. We admit all the reasons it went wrong. And you just satirized like what an awful show it was. Because it truly was a bunch of elements
Starting point is 00:17:17 that made it impossible to succeed in there. Yeah, yeah. And like if you would just like do it like, you know, like a Netflix doc, it would be very, very funny. And also, you know, kind of humanizing for a figure like Tony who carries himself like he's infallible, you know. But you got to protect the business. This is K-Fa, brother.
Starting point is 00:17:40 I would love to see that episode. I never got to see it. Oh, God, it was awful. It was the worst thing I've ever been involved in in show business. For sure. Like, we all tried our best. It was like, they would scream. They just all got drunk for six hours and never, like, they just would yell.
Starting point is 00:17:54 You'd be like, like, one of the bucket pulls would be like, so I rode the train from Bristol and a bunch of people would be like, fuck Bristol. Like 6,000 people like, Bristol sucks. Go home. And then like me and Tony would like look at each other and be like, okay. It was really difficult. I heard one of the complaints was that they wanted the panelists to be British. Oh, I mean, for sure.
Starting point is 00:18:14 We thought it was going to be Pierce Morgan. But it was his mom's birthday, last minute. So, yeah. And I had all these great jokes about Pierce Brosnan. I was going to call him 007 all night. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So, yeah, it should have been someone British for sure, but they tried.
Starting point is 00:18:31 And also, I think people wanted a bigger name because it was across the pond, and that totally makes sense. There's bigger, you know, jewels in the crown of the show. I'm kind of like without the, I'm kind of like Chris Benoit. Like, I'm really respected. without, you know, like I work hard, like I've been all over. All the pros like me, they respect what I do. You cool being dropped off at the front or do you want to go in the back? What it was best for you?
Starting point is 00:18:56 I think we're going to blow the surprise, though, if I get in front. So probably out back is what I've done historically. Sushi, look at it. Sushi. My country. My country. Oh, let me, uh, hold on. I'm going to.
Starting point is 00:19:16 With a hand, make sure with the hand. Thank you very much. Do you approve as it as good as Tutsi from Japan? This is good. This is really good. I don't know what it's coming from. Look at the bar thing. Good, good as Japan.
Starting point is 00:19:34 A little bit Japan benefit, yeah. Done. I'm gonna get four. How are you? How are you? How are you? I put my hat on that there. Yeah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:19:48 I just don't, I don't have energy to go out there and talk it everywhere. There he is. That's the boy. Big bro in town. Makes the show the exciting spectator is... The breeze wave. Yeah. Not these guys.
Starting point is 00:20:05 The band is fucking sick. They're so good, man. When we were in London, we didn't have the band. I think if we have the band dude, the show is like totally usable, because they're such pros. But it'll also cost a million dollars to fly. I understand that. I understand that. Hi, Sam.
Starting point is 00:20:26 I'm good. What's up? Hi, buddy. I'm so glad you, too. Good to see you too. Good to see you. Glad to be here. We're going to be so much fun.
Starting point is 00:20:34 You and Donnell, I mean, absolute chaos meets fucking, perfection. It's gonna be great. I'm excited. Donnell Relics. You met Berkeley? Yeah, man. I'm excited?
Starting point is 00:20:47 Yeah. Whatever you're doing? I'm doing it too, bro. That's fucking jam, all right? It's going to be glorious union. I know a perfectly booked show when I make one now. It's been 13 years of this chaos. This is a double juggernaut.
Starting point is 00:21:03 It's like a vanilla chocolate perfect shake when it's swirled like that is what it's going to be. Chaos is what it'll do. Absolutely chaos. Are you done looking at hot pictures of yourself? I like your Are they going to run me together? I like the word of it.
Starting point is 00:21:27 I like your boots. Are they Toccova's? You can save 10% by using the promo code cult sonny at Tocobos.com. All you have to do is sign up for emails and text message. Just a new message. So, chat, you can have it go through all your email and it will go, no, you need to return to this.
Starting point is 00:21:50 You can get to get a photo You can contact you eat A schedule You come up with your g-mail to it And then anytime you have a question about your email like There was a photo I took with a one girl five years ago
Starting point is 00:22:06 I'd be like here's one of five girls Like it's having AI Go to your Gmail It's called a schedule It's talking about how much You use today You probably use the stuff at the same
Starting point is 00:22:15 It's right It's definitely He doesn't He uses more than he drinks, that's for sure. I don't remember the last time I had to put some water. Where? It's a weird.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Tony's tap water. It was... But I dream... But I dream Gatoria. Oh, G2. Oh, G2, well then you're, that's why you're so strong. It's not sugar, when I have like, you know, like canned water. It's not sugar, it's high-fructose corn syrup.
Starting point is 00:23:02 But if I don't have that, then I'll just be like, I'll have G2. You live here now, Kuntzai? Yeah. Wow. Thanks. I love it. Thank you. I love it.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Yeah. When did you move here? Two days ago. That's great. And then once we introduced you to Peter T. teal, you'll be on the payroll and then you'll just have to follow the CIA mission that we're all on. We're all being paid by someone that's trying to ruin the world. Teal boys, unite!
Starting point is 00:23:33 Yeah! What's the name of the ramen place again? Tondo ramen. Dengu Rami. Tundu Rami. You go go there, Toronto, Clinton Street, college in Clinton. Please. Say hi. Mention my name, you get 10% on.
Starting point is 00:23:59 I'm like, you got another puppy cut. What's sending me a podcast? Oh my goodness. I'm fucking terrible, dude. I kind of like 12 in front of it, so I think that's what shit knows. We got a little Elvis Presley. She's cut it too. She's got it too short.
Starting point is 00:24:19 It's not to work. It looks good. It looks great. Yeah, we got about 10 minutes. How familiar with you with the Elephant channel? Everyone's aware of it. But, you know, it's part of the freedom of the expression thing. If you don't like what's going on in Austin,
Starting point is 00:24:41 he's totally cool to make a video. A lot of people who ain't here don't really know what's going on. That guy's making a lot of points that are kind of surface and strange. But he presents something to him. very compelling way. They're very beautiful. He's just like, like how he, oh good, yeah, film this.
Starting point is 00:25:01 Yeah. Film me saying, I think those videos are beautiful. I plead the fifth. No, I don't think that those videos would do so well if they weren't like so artistically done. Because they're just podcast fringe videos, but people get to think they're really smart because they're like into those
Starting point is 00:25:19 instead of like too lazy to try, you know? Right, right, right. I don't know. Boy, crazy to narrative. All that shit. is so gay. As we used to say. Comedy being taken seriously is gay.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Comedy gossip is gay. You know what? I said this to Derek. It's like, because I hadn't seen more of those videos in a minute. And I told them, like the comedy bubble
Starting point is 00:25:41 is going to burst when those videos disappear. So the fact that a new one came out was like, okay, we're good. That's the canary in the pool line. Well, of course I watched them thinking, well, I hope I don't show up in here. And then I watch it and I say,
Starting point is 00:25:51 why wasn't I in there? Oh, no. What the hell? I turned it off for one second and I was in one of the opening shots and I was like, yeah, yeah. This is too much. I know. And actually you work to disprove their thesis of racism and, you know.
Starting point is 00:26:03 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Inconvenient truth. I know, well, it's, what's it called? The irony being that if you look at the lineups here, they're super diverse always. The irony being if you look at your mustache, there's a bunch of coal saw in it. Oh, okay. Take this away from you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:26:21 That's all right. We're a brand new episode of Kiltoni. That's me. There's no one back, so you know, I just like... You make, um, because I'm half Chinese and so... Us Chinese people were taught to hate your kind, but... But you're cool, bro. I like, I appreciate you, bro.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Sonny put the war crime. Yeah, I see it. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. I got the status go on viral where I was like, I was like, y'all names can you hurt my Philips, you're not the Falcons. Wow. Like, legitimately, the Falcons skipped over every draft pick, their fucking Philadelphia picked up, and then won a Super Bowl.
Starting point is 00:30:48 They watched them play UGA, in the stadium, in the stadium, and still go, no, I don't know. What about this dude from fucking nowhere, dog? It's just, you pisses me from going on to the verge starting this week. No, I don't know what the fuck is. No, man. You know what the fuck is. What's hard when you don't have a franchise quarterback and things gets tough.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Crazy, it's not that he was a white dude trying to tell a gangster story. Right. That's different. Yeah, that we took him the court, we sued the shit off the bitch-a-ha-ha-fuckers. Yeah, yeah. We pumped those marks. Yeah, motherfucker. Esquire, bitch.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Y. Top dog law. Happy you be here, bro. I mean, you think. You're kidding. You say that, Tony? First time, too.
Starting point is 00:31:37 He said, no, no, no, no, no. He called me a Y-N. You know what that means? It's tough. Story, and he says that I'm pooling into this. It's next to a Texaco. Like, there's so much unnecessary information. You remember when he said Texaco?
Starting point is 00:32:01 Of course, it's all I remember. That never came back to anything. There was no reason. He told us everything except for the actual... You should tell him like, hey, pretend you're on the biggest podcast in the world and you're trying to entertain millions. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Chad Ross up here, and I'm like, tell us something. Well, there's a lot of crazy stuff down you. That's an actual quote from the channel. Well, there's a lot of crazy stuff. People have said to that I did, follow me around with the camera. I'm like, well, there's cameras on you now. What do you got? It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:32:29 I'm gonna say it, maybe, any second, but I'm not. I could, but I'm not going though. This is my one opportunity till I go back to Frisco. Population, by the sounds of things, 15,000 people. Anything can happen. Who knows? This next bucket. could be a fucking superstar. Make some noise for young, Spent. Spent.
Starting point is 00:32:56 How long you've been doing stand-up comedy? I've been just doing stand-up. I've been writing jokes since high school, so I say, 05, I was about 15. I didn't start telling, like, on stage, like this shit, so I got out of prison. So, for my probation. So when was that? 2017, so I'll say about nine years. Yeah. It's just like so clearly lying to like say, oh yeah, I've been doing comedy long and I bombed.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should be, you should be, you should be living up in all life. Oh, fuck. I shouldn't say nine years right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would literally lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, this is like my third time.
Starting point is 00:33:35 I never done this before. Also, like, you know. Me with my entire history. I come up and bombing up. I don't even know any of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so funny. The next time I get the next time I go up and I bomb, I'll do that. He's my first time.
Starting point is 00:33:47 It's crazy. It'd be funny if someone... Wow, this guy is nuts. He's got crazy eyes. This guy's a menace. You've had to tell him that you can't understand a word that they're saying. He's overly excited. He's a menace.
Starting point is 00:34:06 I feel like this is Donnell's monologue. He can't do, like, in his... Yo, I just got to say this. Yeah. They got a different type of weed here in Austin. I don't know what they're supposed to be here. Fent my whole life and shit, crying and shit. Get the fuck out of here with that shit.
Starting point is 00:34:25 So I'm good. That's why I've been to make it. You sound like your mouth's dry. Let's get you a can of water real quick. Can we bring him a can of water real quick? There we are. Here we go. That's such a funny thing to do.
Starting point is 00:34:52 That's such a funny thing to do. I can't read. To her, there's De Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, the whole time the last guy was out here, Dee Madness was roasting his ass in the back the entire time. Incredible. D's brutal. I said, all right, I'm going to see you next.
Starting point is 00:35:18 If my lawyer said, whatever he just said, I would shoot myself in that. This, we're sweet and him, he said, I'll see you next month. And we're going to talk about the same thing. I said, all right. So then he's like, he's like to sit next month, he was like, Oh, you went there in the last one, I said. Yeah, he's like, ah. And then he was like, oh, this part, they're like,
Starting point is 00:35:47 right now. This feels like the first person that calls Top Dog Law. And then he, like, they got the gun too? I was like, I like, I wait, yeah. You had a gun? True shit, and he's like, well, you're looking at 30 years, buddy. That was my thought, but I see you next month. But you're like, 30 years.
Starting point is 00:36:08 I'm like, what the fuck? No, you're not going to give me 30 years. Fuck that. I'll see it. Like, as I would, like, once. I'm sitting there like, wait a 30 years. Hold on. I got to start.
Starting point is 00:36:17 I'm like, fuck, man. Because you're skipping. Come on the CD right now. 30 years. 30 years. I say 30 years. Fuck that. 30 years.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Shut your back. The CDs used to skip. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. That's how I was doing. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:36:33 Okay. Okay. So. God damn. When's the last time you spoke to your lawyer? I spoke English. I've been home for me. I've been out.
Starting point is 00:36:43 I've been free of me. You've been home in Houston. You're supposed to be in Houston right now. And you're not supposed to drink. I should put my name. No, I'm good. How much are you on probation? To Janebred.
Starting point is 00:36:57 To Janebred. You can go. You can go right. I was in 20. I was being dead right. Okay. Yeah. probation for 2017.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Hold for 10 years. Instead of 20 years in prison, I got 10 years in prison. I got 10 years. I stayed about trouble. And I really have to try to get my company for it. Maybe they'll just call your name. Right, I'll still, I don't trust my language, I don't like that. You feel me?
Starting point is 00:37:24 No, I don't know what the fuck you said. It's in Young Spence. I know we decorated it like it's the mother ship. We are in Young Spence's backyard. You know, the secret group, I've been the secret group all the time. Can I just bang me? Can I just go into pride? Okay, all right.
Starting point is 00:37:42 Young Spence, I gotta keep it moving, because this is the longest interview, perhaps as a show's history. Get them blacker out of here. Here's a big joke book, yep. That's my little brother, man, that's my daughter. I'm a day. I said, boy, you got it, man. I'm going to stop. I was like, hey.
Starting point is 00:38:03 That's my boy. I love pickleball. You did. This is a guy. That's my boy, man. But it was like you said, like, I know this one of the time. You're not.
Starting point is 00:38:15 I'm gay. She's really fresh. To see somebody that's an opportunity to do it and I'm straight to it. Exactly. I like that. And like,
Starting point is 00:38:25 and like, it's like, very horned penis. No, that's like, very horned penis. To her. It's the, We have a regular on this show that has the unbelievable beauty of having a great and perform in every single week.
Starting point is 00:38:46 This is a brand new minute from a new film. I don't believe the Dark Storm. This is a brand new set from Dedrick Glenn. I used to do like an open mic in Bedford every once. Yeah, yeah. It was an open mic? It was an open mic? like probably not when you were there.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Oh God. Yeah. What'd you go for? Major? Yeah. Yeah. My buddy went for it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:18 Yeah. That was like the best major. It was like one of the best majors there. Yeah. You definitely maximize the degree. Who was your major, Pat? It's funny because I was going to say that the concept. It's just like business management like generally, which is like funny because I had a couple
Starting point is 00:39:32 buddies that went for sports management and I give them shit. It's like, yeah, dude, you just fucking like. sports still and he would think like this is gonna but general management is fucking retardant just go for like financial accounting or marketing I was like
Starting point is 00:39:49 interview places like yeah so I'm gonna manage that's like that's not what happened okay so take us through that process of realizing that eating pussy is not for you what did you what did you notice I didn't eat a pussy until I was like 28 years old
Starting point is 00:40:05 well that's fucked up Damn, so you don't eat pork or pussy? Your life is fuck. No, I'll eat pork. Wow, you'll eat pork, but not pussy. Yo, what the fuck is going on right now? Okay. Was the pussy that you ate when you were 15 a little off or something like that?
Starting point is 00:40:24 It was fine. I was just doing it. I was like, you know, this is kind of gay. It's the opposite of gay. Take it from me. Take it from me. It is the opposite of gay. Okay, yeah, I'll take it for me.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Have you tried dipping a cucumber in it or something? It ends up as a pickle. I've never heard anybody say eating pussy was gay. But I heard that dick is gay. You're confusing as shit. I don't do either. Have you tried eating out a dick yet? Like, you might have liked?
Starting point is 00:40:58 Red band soundboards right there, my friend. Let me ask you this. You watch porn, everyone. once in a great while, right? Yeah, once in a great while. And you skip past all pussy eating things, right? Immediately. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:41:14 Do you skip past blow jobs? No, I check out what's going. And you'll watch insertion. You'll watch insertion, right? That is not gay. Hold on. Over here. You'll watch blow jobs and you'll watch actual sex, right?
Starting point is 00:41:32 No, now I don't watch blow. has the best delivery system, Redfin. I think, where you have a computer or... Thank you. Yeah. What are you going to do? Old favorite. You want to just do what I was saying there, I was just saying.
Starting point is 00:41:51 I think Chick-fil-A has an excellent system. Jets pizza is the best pizza on the earth. Just saying. What's the most interesting thing about your head? I get the four-corner, turbo crust, Jets 10 pizza, and I eat the whole thing. And that's how I got so ripped. So, I'm just like that you understand for 14, but a comedian before.
Starting point is 00:42:16 When did you get your hair cut? Like two weeks ago? Mm-hmm. I think it was probably, to four years ago, I was just getting up to anything that I didn't really have to run. I don't know that. When did you get your hair cut? Like two weeks ago?
Starting point is 00:42:36 I think it was cut before the last episode. Oh, okay. I think. I like fidget spin it. Yeah. I did it in the front and that cut it too short in the front so I'm just fucking working on. Damn. Look at it.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Fax! That's the next construction cut in. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah! One of the last theater shows I did there was like a stairs like this with metal bars and there was like five above.
Starting point is 00:43:09 There's like five of them. It's five stairs, like a triangle, two floors. There's like five stairs like this. Martin Phillips goes, wanna watch me jump down all of those? Me and Hans are like, no. They literally like swung his way down four steps. Holy shit, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:27 And you didn't break anything? No, he landed like fucking perfectly. They did it way better than I ever would have. If I tried, shit, bro. We still haven't gotten Hans on the behind the scenes, you know. Oh god Yeah Not only they're being
Starting point is 00:43:42 incredibly interesting Or absolutely nothing Yeah Yeah What part of Indiana? The part of Indiana? The part you don't want to be in So
Starting point is 00:43:53 Indiana In the area? No No That's the part nobody wants to be in here No West Linder Do they eat pussy of West Coffier? They do
Starting point is 00:44:02 How long have you been with your wife? Oh, long long long time 2016 years 26 Oh, fuck of shit I'm 44. Is that the only one that you've ever been with?
Starting point is 00:44:12 I got one. I got one. Collegula. Collegian. Yeah, that's right. But you know, I mean, I don't know what it's like to get my period. This is... This is perfect.
Starting point is 00:44:24 I'm choking on my slit right now. Oh my God. Just go on 30. Speaking of where you're two, speaking of periods, you're getting a little rest of my friend. If you're something you want to do, keep practice. Sign up.
Starting point is 00:44:39 against him, Tim. The bucket wants a mysterious way to go watch. Your first tilt on the appearance by Joel Cash. Four weeks into his career. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I had this one sat aside for me. This name, sat aside for me the entire episode.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Because I'm so excited to bring up this comedian. Face the noise for the long-awaited return of walking. Ladies and she, gentlemen. Hey, bull! No, John. Wait for the interview. 60 seconds, uninterrupted.
Starting point is 00:45:35 One more time for Juanita, everybody. And the transgender woman. I am brave. Buying $13 dresses at Ross is brave. How many of you in here have a vagina makes noise? He? One's so bad. And pussy so bad.
Starting point is 00:46:23 There's women getting like a surgery called vagioplasty. trimming their lips off. And I'm over here like, you're gonna finish that? I'm trying to get a little to-go box. Donnell, box is a euphemism for vagina. Juanito, ladies and gentlemen. It was only William Montgomery. And how you paid me back, you told.
Starting point is 00:47:10 Listen up, motherfuckin. We are his biggest fan. You are his biggest fans. I mean. Oh my god You was like Uh-huh That's coming up
Starting point is 00:47:38 You are an evil friend Woo Oh my god I love you So good to see you guys Thank you I'm fucking amazing I didn't say shit in my interview about
Starting point is 00:47:55 That's crazy Wow That's a big of life man You have what a wild coincidence Slow nose leaf from I think I blew a blood vessel in my brain for laughing. And I saw Troy over my shoulder.
Starting point is 00:48:38 You have picture that way for something. I got better jokes next to it. I'm a hand for Donna Rawlings. When there's a louder, I know what happened. Oh, I saw you there. What's your fucking name? Hey, what up, gay guy? Hey, look at this fucking figure.
Starting point is 00:51:59 Okay, did you get that? Did you get that? Literally this guy's gay, so saying that... This guy's homosexual, so like, yo, he didn't mean that, dude. He did not mean that. Oh, what's up, dude? Yeah, anyways, shout out 996. I've got to 9-9-6.
Starting point is 00:52:19 I've never poured the drink, for the record. I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna say this real talk. Last year, the dovest episode was me and Rob Schneider, and I'm not taking the person, whatever. whatever. That was a great episode. Rob Schneider got guests in the year. If this don't become episode of the year, and I'm putting out there,
Starting point is 00:52:50 and if I don't be considered as the best guest, and the words of Donald Trump is rigged. We want to recount. We want to recount. We want them balance. We want the mail-in balance. Man, the balance of everything. And the fact is, I'm going to tell y'all, did kill Tony Fakes?
Starting point is 00:53:09 I wanted to give up on y'all. I wanted to say fuck y'all. I wanted to say fuck kill Tony fans. But I realized he created a platform where people come for something. I was like, I kept asking myself, how can I get, not did these people like me to get, understand me.
Starting point is 00:53:23 And what you're going to understand about me is that pound for pound funny is funny. Oh, yeah, that was a classic episode. And Pat O'Neill, as funny as he is, and I like his confidence and everything. The show was over after me in one year. It was over. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:53:50 Yo, it was so beautiful. And I'm telling you, because remember the last time we was here, I asked for Juanita. And the last time I was like, and they was like, no, we saw Juanita on the street. And Juanita was like,
Starting point is 00:54:02 we can't get in there. Yeah, she was trying to get in. I was like, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know, maybe you got to tuck your dick in or something to get in here, whatever. But it was great. It was great. It was great.
Starting point is 00:54:15 We connected with someone that's passionate about comedy as, Man, let's go get fucked up. Easy. We ain't gonna get flat, why? I don't gotta drive. That's true. And I don't have to fly the plane.
Starting point is 00:54:32 Oh man, this is, you know how I feel? This feels like that night, the Rob Schneider joint, when I left Adrian at the bar, I was like, there is nothing, like we was up here so high. I was like, there's nothing that's gonna be bigger than what we just did. I'm going home and go to sleep. But I'm gonna go downstairs and go. But I'm going to go downstairs and get a little drinky, drinking now.

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