KILL TONY - KT: Behind the Tape (Ep: 787 Harland Williams + Jeremiah Watkins)

Episode Date: October 3, 2026

An exclusive, behind the scenes look from KT Episode 787 KT guest Harland Williams + Jeremiah Watkins Harland Williams, Jeremiah Watkins, Pat O'Neill, Dedrick Flynn, Martin Phillips, D Madness, M...ichael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Grooveline Horns, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Monica, Colt McNeely, Steve Glass, Nathan Poling, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 09/21/2026   Watch Kill Tony and other exclusive content, ad free! Plus tons of perks. Get Kill Tony + for $5/month now at https://killtony.supercast.com/ Incogni: They can't harm you, if they can't find you! Use code KILLTONY at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/killtony  Cardiff: Get fast business funding without bank delays—apply in minutes with Cardiff and access up to $500,000 in same‑day funding at https://Cardiff.co/KILLTONY   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Joe White, this is Jeremiah Watkins. Joe's the man. He's been our photographer since we went to Vulcan Gas Company. Oh, awesome. How old are you now, Joe? 185 years old. How crazy is that? What kind of cigarettes do you smoke? Marlboro Red.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Marlboro Red. How many hookers have you had this month? Zero. Oh, he held that, but guess what? Three. Three. Thirty. That's right.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Bro, can I see your shirt? Man, I'm doing good, especially now that I'm here. I had my daughter bring me. Really? Yeah. Where you from? Michigan. Damn, when did you fly in? Yesterday to San Antonio, and now we're here with my niece in Austin. And is this your first time seeing the show?
Starting point is 00:01:00 Yes, sir. Wow. Yeah. Well, I've seen it on... Video before, yeah, yeah. There he is. The man, the myth. I get so many reports about how hard you're killing on the road now. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:01:15 And you know what I tell people? I tell them all the same goddamn thing. I go, look at what he's been doing. There's no... He's been going so good. Yeah. People are like, no, you don't understand. He's getting standing ovations every set.
Starting point is 00:01:28 I'm like, he's the only one out of all you guys that works fucking Tuesday through. Sunday. Yeah. He's going to get standing ovation. Everyone else is like, I do three 15 minutes sets a week. I don't get any standing ovations. Well, yeah, there you go. You gotta do the work. Yeah, which is crazy because I work twice as hard with half of it. Mm-hmm. But we know you have a fat cock, Aaron. That's all that matters. Yeah. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you know, it's not.
Starting point is 00:01:59 Nah, that's what big dick people say. I know. I tell people all the time. I got a little da, I got nothing there. It's fun. Little dick guys never say, I got a little deck. They go, I got a big dad. That's how I know you're working with a fucking, you got a second cane under there. That's what you got.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Want to compare? Flasset or hard? Yeah, let's do it. Hold on, give me one second. Are you a little, l'l-a-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l. Are you certain? Circumcised years ago? No.
Starting point is 00:02:37 What? You're kidding me. Are you fucking kidding me? No, I am. Are you? Are you? Are you? Friends with this guy for the owl?
Starting point is 00:02:47 I am. Good. That's amazing. It's a Canadian luxury. Most Canadians avoid the long lines of your free healthcare. Alright, before we get into it, I gotta tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Pee! Plus, here's the deal.
Starting point is 00:03:06 You sign up. You get every new episode ad-free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand-new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes, behind-the-scenes stuff, extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month.
Starting point is 00:03:30 That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of five. things. Links in the description or go straight to killtony. Dot supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtony supercast.com. All right, back to the show. Yeah, that's what I would do. Oh, hey, you know, we all value our privacy, but thousands of data brokers are working behind the scenes to collect and sell your personal information. These companies build detailed profiles, including your home address and phone number, selling them to advertisers or exposing you to identity theft and scams. If you've ever Googled yourself
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Starting point is 00:05:12 Hi, cutie, fine. How are you? It's good to see you. I'm sorry, just like, hey. Who is this? Well, that's Nicole Fitts. Okay. I didn't kill him, but I did stuff him.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Great. Yeah. Got him young. Real young. Yeah. He didn't live long, but his life was very precious. He was good. I actually made you some things, because last time it made it sound like I'm not a comedian and I actually am.
Starting point is 00:05:33 So that's for you. I picked some sparkles that were more manly, black sparkles. And then if this is my death punch card, so if you ever need to have me stuff something, they made me come back in this line because apparently my different characters caused some red flags. Okay. You want to know some crazy shit last time I came here? Adam Ray was on the panel and I came at desk with two days. Look at this.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Wow. Wow. And I'm manifesting that shit. Look, I put Tony on my nails. And then look at these bitches. Get these big... Oh, two. I got the whole band, motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Oh, yeah. Where did you get the shirt? My daughter had it made one of her friends. Wow. Yeah. That's incredible. From DeComsy, Michigan. That's your daughter right there?
Starting point is 00:06:29 Yes, sir. Wow, that's cool. You want to come in? Yes, yes. Hi! Wow. So excited. Yep, yeah, yeah, look at the back of the shirt.
Starting point is 00:06:39 Oh, wow. Oh, wow. And where did you get the shirts? I made it. Oh, you made it. Wow. Because there was nothing like this on the merch, you know. I looked on the merch.
Starting point is 00:06:52 I'm going to get some more merch, but I thought this was awesome. Yeah. Hope Tony likes it. That's a great idea, honestly. Long time, long time fan. From the beginning. From when? 13 years ago. Yeah, from the beginning. How are you, buddy? Fuck, yes, sir. How are you? How are you? I'm good, man, really good. I love it. This is Jeremiah Watkins. Hey, Jeremiah Watkins. Hey, Joe. What's up? We met through Jeff Ross in New Orleans. Oh, no way. Yeah, yeah, we had that first. Yeah, good, man.
Starting point is 00:07:28 Yeah. My dearest friend. How are you? You hungry or anything? We got food, drinks, the usual, sushi by scratch. Make yourself at home, Zach. Jack, it's all over the news. You're at Chili's.
Starting point is 00:07:40 40 times today. He was in Chili's. Oh, that was like news. That was like news. I saw it on my, I saw it on my feet. It's like, oh, Zach was on 40th of the Lamar. What is the famous? It's like, it's like a,
Starting point is 00:07:55 It's like a mean Chili's, like everyone, it's in a funny place, and then everyone decided they're just going to kind of make it famous, and it's become a thing. It's like an Austin inside joke. Cool. Yeah. People were finally saying, we decided you're 40-5 in the market. It sounds sketchy. You put it like that. That's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Dude, last time I saw you, man, I remember I was in shock. I didn't even know what was going on in back of that alley. Bro, that was like seeing someone's life changed in that moment. It's weird. I quit my job the next day. You know, well, I got that hotel. Gary Owen put us up in a Marriott, me and my wife. It was awesome.
Starting point is 00:08:32 But then I moved, went back, quit my job the next day. Some fans helped me raise money for rent. I live here now. So I just got the place today, sign the lease. And, yeah, I'm here now. And that's my brother. He drove me here. Ryan.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Yeah. And I got big plans on this next episode I'm going to be on. Dude, huge, historic. What wait till you see? I'm not, I'm exploding out of my skin to do it, dude. Yeah, I'm telling you, I swear, bet on it. It'll be this month, you know, I put my availability for the end of this month, make sure I get down here, so I'm waiting on Word for sure.
Starting point is 00:09:12 It was good seeing you, man, dude. You were there for me after. Oh, that's, yeah, dude, everybody's been so sweet, dude, I was crying, reading some of the stuff that people sent me. Yeah, like a baby, it was so sweet. I couldn't believe it. I was never, you know, anyways. But yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Just sign up for the open mic at the mother ship. Haven't done that before. So trying not to sweat too bad. But, yeah, do the open mic. And now I'm here, I'm going to start hitting mics all the time, every day, all day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, now since I quit my job, I'll get eight hours of writing. You know, I just set a clock.
Starting point is 00:10:00 And, you know, I walk away, eat, stuff. like that, but, you know, eight hours I'm around a notepad or computer. So hell yeah. Yeah, trying to move fast because you only get one shot, as we all know. Hey there, let's talk to all the small business owners listening right now. You know, running a business is tough, but you know what's actually painful? Trying to get a loan from a traditional dinosaur bank. They treat you like you're asking for a personal favor. Drown you in endless paperwork and make you wait weeks just to say no. It's absolutely ridiculous. Red Band? That's where Cardiff comes in to save the day.
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Starting point is 00:11:21 And I'm just like, good. Oh, David? I don't know. How about a gross set? I don't know. Good one's dead. Very good. Good.
Starting point is 00:11:34 I love it. You got stuff from, you know, the last 15 years. Yes. And, uh, oh my God, there he is. Oh, the very best. Ladies and gentlemen, one half of the, one of the reigning, defending guests of the year, the great Harlan Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Future Kill Tony Hall of Famer.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Hall of Famer. God damn right. Hi guys. All right, what are we got? Joey Smith was a comic called Steve on. Okay. Yeah, I come here, this is my 17th week in a row to come, to kill Tony. They missed one week a few months or so ago.
Starting point is 00:12:23 I came here, I didn't know that they weren't doing to kill Tony. So, but it's been 17 weeks in a row. I'm coming, trying to get on. Trying to make it happen. They're going to see me. They're going to see me. They're going to see me eventually. Oh, very confident.
Starting point is 00:12:39 Man, I've been getting on, I'm actually feel blessed that I haven't been called yet because I've gotten a lot of stage time. Because 17 weeks ago, I was not ready. I thought I was, but now I'm ready. Now I'm an interview part, the minute. I'm ready to go. I'm excited about it. This whole thing right here, that's it.
Starting point is 00:13:01 It's my two guests, whatever they are plugging, and then a loose structure. Aaron Belial, that's him. Golden ticket winner. Dedrick. Zach Epron. Aaron Belial. He doesn't talk. He speaks through a Bluetooth speaker.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Oh, I see you. See that? Dedrick Flynn goes up in the middle. Something special and silly that you'll see. Pull, pull, pull, pull. Yeah, those are all pools. And then, of course, the great Pat O'Neill. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Yeah. Yeah, he's always hard. He's been 2025. Huge impact. Literally the best ever doing. Wow. Yeah, his silliness and my like, my straight man to his goofiness is epic.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Yeah. Oh, I'm so cool. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a good one. And Jeremiah here used to be in the band full-time for the show. for the show. So every Monday he was our fun saxophone player.
Starting point is 00:14:07 So like every, he's been on, he's been on, he's been on hundreds of episodes. And this is his first time on in a really long time. And him and Harland have a chemistry and are very silly and funny together in their own things. So can it's like, like, the shit, he kind of got to hit the shit on a lot of the shows. Yeah, and they're in a, you know, I'm learning the art of the football coaches and how they operate. And like, they after win is like, I mean, I don't know what to compare it to. Probably, you know, you after winning in Academy Awards, you know, it is just every win is the biggest win. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:14:59 Yeah. Yeah. They have fun. To be their last one? It's just in the only of the... Such extreme highs, and I'll tell you this. It's such a serious arc for. Like, you think, you know, we maybe enjoy our process, right?
Starting point is 00:15:14 I mean, I'm in the comedy business. I'm sure when you're shooting a drama, maybe it's different, right? Yeah, yeah. But... Hey! Richard Guantito. I saw my boy Marks. The defensive advisor at half time.
Starting point is 00:15:32 Hi. How are you? Good to see you. I saw Mark Stoops at half time of the Texas Ohio State game. I saw Mark Stoops at half time of the Texas Ohio State game and I'm looking at this guy, he's right in front of me. And I'm like, how do I know this guy? Because he literally looked different. He's down by 20 points at home to the Buckeyes and he looked his face.
Starting point is 00:15:57 looked, his face looked different. And we kind of like looked at each other and like that. There was no smile from him. There was from me. I'm like, oh, you know. And we shook hands and said. And I mean like, a different fucking person.
Starting point is 00:16:14 And if it was you, I didn't say. I would break out of it. I mean, like, it was a whole different person. Wow. It's crazy. And I was even telling him that this Saturday night, I'm like, you know, a week ago, I saw you at half time.
Starting point is 00:16:27 He's like, it doesn't. Yeah, we shook hands. Oh, he was locked. Oh, he was locked. It really is. It's as crazy as it gets. That's so stupid. You want to come see me?
Starting point is 00:16:42 I want to come to your line. No, this is my line. You walked in my line. Because she made me come up to your line. Why did she make you want? As she said, I'm not in a system. Okay, so you will need to fill out another one. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I thought you would take him me like, on a magic school bus ride. No. That's okay. It's all good. I put much on happening. Jeremy's slack. Yeah, that's my show.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Well, see, he just doesn't know me here. I know he goes to the black picture, but we're all the same color when we turn off the light. Have you been using your... My lighter? You better. Yes, ma'am, I have. You probably got a lot of requests.
Starting point is 00:17:20 But you're like, this is one-on-one. This is one-of-one. One-one. All right. All right, my love. Good luck. Thank you, my love. I would love you.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Meat out. Yeah, just shave water. Oh, wow. What happened? Yeah, yeah. I don't think I've ever seen you without a hat. Yeah, always had a hat. Put this on for a second.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Oh yeah, there's my guy. There's my guy. Okay. They had the same, you know, how they cooked them, steamed them, but they always had the same fries. It was a little square watch. Yep, they were awesome. Guys, see?
Starting point is 00:17:59 I got one more note. Can we rain in? Michael's wardrobe. Bro, what are we talking about, bro? I'll take my shirt off right now. What is going on? Who shirt is this? You think only you are the band member that got notes?
Starting point is 00:18:12 No, that's my sister. That's what these things are I know. Yay. You got the... Well, well, one. There he is. My boy. My boy.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Oh, I never shop before. It goes all the way up to my... Easy. There it is. The whole stuff. Why? It's the one is it? It's me.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Oh, okay. Yeah. I drew the portrait and then they tattooed it. Oh, nice. Nice. What's the portrait of? It's me. Where?
Starting point is 00:18:43 I'm like looking into a, like a old ball. When did you get this? I've had it for seven years. Where is it? My whole side of my body. No. Yes. A few guys never seen that.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Hey, shut off that camera. Just kidding. I would never. I never. No, I never noticed. We'll be right back after these messes. I hit every spot I can. I actually got my first paid gig coming up just by doing open mics.
Starting point is 00:19:09 They saw me, they liked me. So I got an open, I got a gig in Corpus Christi. October 2nd, Stephen Duncan, come and see me. That's awesome to hear, dude. Yeah, thank you. And where did you get these grills in your mouth? Oh, I got them in Corpus Christi. Paid 2,500 for it.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Oh, shit. Now I look as cool as I feel. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you get him? I just feel like I should have always, I should feel like I should have been born with it.
Starting point is 00:19:39 Chris, is that the canvas tonight? That's crazy. John Page made that costume. Holy shit and you're gonna do the arc on it? Are you auctioning it off or something? I don't know if you're gonna auction or sell it. You have to get a special mount for it? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Hey, made that mount on everything. Go on the easel. Yep. That's cool. Yeah, I did not love me. Are you gonna paint the neck or the next stand? Nah, this is just the place holder. Yeah, when I give this back to him, he's gonna be the customer and everything.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Do the finishing touches to make it look pretty. See what we can do in two hours. Hell yeah. All right, sit right away, everybody. Hello again, Nathan. Before, for whatever reason, a few years ago when I bought my place, Google Fiber, for some reason you couldn't do Google Fiber there. And now you can. And holy shit, just bha-h-h-you can just feel it.
Starting point is 00:21:02 And I twitch sometimes now, but it's good. It's fucking great. Oh, perfect timing, Aaron. There he is. The old roaster. Aaron Belial. That always goes well. Him and Dedrick are two guys that think they're roasters. You are a real ass, after I like compliment
Starting point is 00:21:21 them, I'll be like, what you're doing is magical. Like, good one, asshole. I'm like, what? What? He's ready to roast. Always on the defense over here. What are you talking about? I'm a great roaster. All right. More like a toaster.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Oh, come on. The way you move. Very stable. Go hype? Yeah, super. Nice, that's awesome. You're right here. Nice.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Feeling good? Let me drink it. Can you feel my heartbeat? I do. Separate. I do a split here. It's not AI. My friend videotapes this. Fair hand.
Starting point is 00:22:14 It's just in A.O. We just watch. We do it. We do it a little different. Oh, just watch. We do it a little different. If you take old photos, any old photo, you just go with the chatchip-D and just go unblur.
Starting point is 00:23:24 It is the most amazing. You're talking to one of the most handsome men in the world right now, telling him that if he goes to Chad GBT, you can put in old pictures of himself and punch it up. You're statistically. I love this. I love this. I love this. that it just so happened to be Zach fucking F-Ron
Starting point is 00:23:41 you're staring this with. You can't just say it's all info. No, that's not that. You could have said it to anybody else. You're looking directly at literally, perhaps, statistically the best-looking man in the world. Hey, you know you could take old pictures of yourself. Put it through Chad GPT.
Starting point is 00:24:01 And you won't be disgusting anymore. And we're all using, like, cell phone cameras, you know, as cameras. Sex is eating chicken. Like, yeah. just eating chicken like yeah okay you fucking pig you fucking pig that's what he's thinking i know it he's a nice guy but i know he's thinking you're a pig his photo is taken on his cell phone 15 years ago and does that look like a 4k photo right now wow five chinese that's a sick yeah uh yeah this old photo like old cell phone is what i mean i don't know either one of those people that's called dana white uh it's called dana white uh it's called diana
Starting point is 00:24:37 Who's the other guy? That's you? Yeah, here is another famous guy you might know from the movie, Oh, uh, ah. Babies. Me and Atamigat put in, I think it was 500 bucks when they were at just the absolute bottom of the odds to win the Super Bowl this year. And I mean the bottom of the odds.
Starting point is 00:25:04 If they win the Super Bowl, me and Atamigot, I think they win the Super Bowl, Adam Eaget, I think we win like something like $35,000. The New York Giants. We got this coach now. Yeah. That's when we put it in. They got Harbaugh and we're like, what is it, what, what's going on? And now look at them.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, shit. Well, there goes 500 bucks. Thursday, right? I think I'm gonna go Harlan next to me and Jeremiah at the end. Now this part's interesting because you guys are too silly guys, right?
Starting point is 00:25:48 But the important thing is that that end person doesn't get disengaged from the panel. Sometimes the last seat kind of like scoots that way and is just kind of watching this way the whole time. Whereas you wanna stay square with the table and turn your head that way. Does that make sense? Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Because we all wanna stay connected and synergistic. Because if you look at me with a microphone up to your mouth, I'm gonna tee you up clean for whatever. You can also go at any period you want, as long as someone else isn't talking at the time, as you guys know. You know, Jeremiah was in the band for hundreds of episodes. I've heard them, but I don't think I believe it.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Yeah, so it's pretty wild. It's wild. So you've been on more episodes than really any panelists ever. And you're one of the reigning defending guests of the year. But you're both extra silly. This is a silly episode naturally. I've changed a little since we lost. Oh, okay. Polly's gonna be popping in to start the show.
Starting point is 00:27:00 Aaron? I bumped you down to quarter of the way down, so you'll be up like three, four, or five. Maybe four or five. Polly, then three, four, five are you? Just be down there. What do you think of? It is.
Starting point is 00:27:16 I don't even say no. There's obviously a good, but. And I don't think people remember my last time on here because it's been so long and no one cares. Yeah, callbacks don't really work, unless it's like. I was just thinking like, hey, here to make up for the last time. They love you, Pauli.
Starting point is 00:27:39 They love you. They love you. They have no idea what you're talking about. Last time was funny, he would... What happened again? It just got... I had to stop and start over again. Oh, that's funny, yeah. Yeah, you could... if that feels organic, we could do it again.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Like I start doing my stand and I fucked up, I'm like, dude, I gotta do this again. You know what I mean? It's great. Yeah, I need to call me back out again, but they fucked up. If you feel it, I'll do it. Yeah. I know, I missed you today. I had it all timed out.
Starting point is 00:28:16 I took my nap early so that we could sauna and cold plunge. I was out there all by myself. Polly and I sauna and cold plunge together, for those of you that don't know. That's right, that's a thing gay guys do, Red Band. It's not for health reasons at all. It's so that we don't have to Photoshop ourselves 10 years from now. Whoa! Wow! Tell Chad GPT to get rid of those dark circles around your eyes. Look at it still. Still doesn't take the roasting so well.
Starting point is 00:28:59 The big sensitive babies, Matt Muelling at heart. No way. Bob Bigger's sorry? Yeah, he's like a cast. Oh my. Who is? How do you know? Old guy, right?
Starting point is 00:29:13 Yeah. I've seen it? No. Somebody said he was a troll that's got me kind of like, what? Yeah, but that's joke. Well, that's, oh, the old troll means gay. Like the old term of trolling, but it's being gay. No, trolling back in the day used to be pegged.
Starting point is 00:29:30 I would say save it for the episode, but please don't. No. That's what it used to mean, though. Trolling used to be, like going out and finding gay guys. Oh, like trolling. Oh, like you're really. This is Paul Schaefer, the David Letterman. And they're a lot of John Carson, right?
Starting point is 00:29:49 Well, I did David Letterman a lot back in the day, and I used to see them, you know, like during their standing, you know? You know? That was great. Lederman was awesome. On the vocal. How ya doing? Right by the beach for a second.
Starting point is 00:30:32 Yeah, yeah. Let's be coming and run. Did you have a fun birthday weekend? birthday weekend? It was so good, too. You deserve it. Do you have to pee? You have to pee? This is the final pee warning. If you have to a little bit, you're really gonna have to in two hours, yeah. I'll go first so that you guys feel comfortable about the pee. Look Tony in the eyes. Don't look Tony in the eyes, all right? Only look at bird pics.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Never look her in the eyes. He'll turn to stall. Medusa. Medusa, Heidi. Are you first? Dedrick, come on, keep moving. Keep moving. There's three disabled people.
Starting point is 00:34:27 I know, everybody's got all curled up. I'm that shit. And... friends with me. Makes it no warmer. Like every, like I'm like, I'm a different person now. I rest like most of the week now, like I relax. I'm not just out fucking draining myself. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:35:05 You host in in one room, me hostin in the other. Batman, little boy, fat man, little boy. Can you believe it? You know, we live in a dream. Let's go. The King of the King of the One. The prince out of your gas. You guys know Fuzzy? Fuzzy's literally one of the funniest human beings on planet.
Starting point is 00:35:22 He's going to literally be one of the biggest comedians in the world one day, yo. Literally? See, he laughs. That's how you know that it's serious too. You getting this? Are you getting this for the behind the scenes? Fuzzy's literally the man. Who's in there?
Starting point is 00:35:39 Carol Channing. Polly? Dude, I just got to pee. Hold up everything for me real quick. Good, Plot goes to Whistle, bro. Dude, just hold up everything for me real quick. I just got to, I was talking to Zach. I have to peat.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Come on, Harlan, we gotta get one last little group picture before we start. Okay. Where do you want me? Right next to Jeremiah. And then you just keep your head, like, kind of like between us, like sneakily like that. So guys, one, two, three.
Starting point is 00:36:28 That's perfect, then you're like in the background, like, hidden. background like hidden. I'm going to bring you guys up at the same time in about three minutes. Okay, great. Remember, have fun, enjoy the process. Can you use fun in a sentence? Well, Funderberg, Lawrence Funderberg once played basketball at the Ohio State University. Got it. No, that's all I need. I got it. Get out of here. Have fun.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Thank you. Remember, Mike, if you have something that you want me to get to you on, Mike, Ann, look at me. You got a clean. So you go, at any time but no double talk please this fucking night of their lives because we don't want you guys yelling anything out during the show so it's cool that's how it is now you can't show sponsors exactly you can't show anything you can't even show what you want to show
Starting point is 00:38:03 next week everything's gonna be fine next week and you can tell the whole internet oh yeah here's a guest world it's so awesome it was so much fun Don't go on my way as to this and tell people what's that. We like to beat everything close to the first year. You look good. How's it going? You got to have a game. Fun shit.
Starting point is 00:38:23 So, we're going to see. Just got back from Atlanta. This is from Atlanta here. You're like. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Huh? I'm thinking, but it's different. The point here is tone people.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Oh, it was Duncan and Metzger? Yeah, very serious, yet hilarious. It's a serious episode. Ari Maddie and Yakoff, the Russian connection, Gary Owen and Brian Simpson, what some people would call an urban episode. Well, let me warn you right now, if you're not into silly shit, you can get the fuck out, because this episode should be pretty silly. One of the guests, has been on more episodes of Keltongi than anyone, I think, ever. for he was once the leader of the band on Kiltony. Isn't that crazy? How many you've been fans of this show for what you've considered a very long time?
Starting point is 00:39:28 All right, not like many people. You're going to meet them tonight, luckily for you all, the other guest is the 2025 Kiltoni guest of the year. One of the greatest guests in the show's history is back tonight. I present to you.
Starting point is 00:39:47 The combination, two of the best comedians working today. The great Harlan Williams and Jim. Are you going to be in Dallas? Yes, yeah. Are you? I think so. Oh, really? I don't know, maybe.
Starting point is 00:40:04 With your schedule, like when you know you're going on to kill Tony and when you're not? I never know. You never know. I sometimes don't even know if I know. Sometimes I know that I don't know. Wow. When's the last time you're on? I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:40:22 He's like, oh, great. Do you want to do a shot? Oh, we should. Can I get it on camera? Yeah, that'd be funny to just for the shot. Yeah. To do a shot for the shot? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:33 Okay. Listen, I just want to say it's great to be here in Austin, Texas. You know, my family used to pay Tony $7 an hour to pick up phones. Now he treats me like shit. Thanks for having me on your show, Master Hinchcliffe. We tape the microphone every week. now? Yes, sir. You're just the first
Starting point is 00:41:25 person that wasn't able to It was hard to get it off, dude. It happens. Yeah, yeah, but it's good now. We'll see if other people have problems with it. We're going to keep an eye on. You know, we have Heidi in the back, maybe we get some loops.
Starting point is 00:41:39 She's just got loop. Heidi, can you come out for a sec just for some loop? Right here, give it up for Heidi. She's got some loop. Can you just kind of Louve it up with it? Ooh, it'll sit.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Look at that. You got to love it. Dude, the weasel. All right, one more time, Pauli. I just think like our spit on it. Ladies and gentlemen, okay, there are me votes,
Starting point is 00:42:10 Pollard, but it's still here. Good job, Holly. I got a little Jackie McDaniels from here. Jack McDaniel. A little hook back? Yeah. All the women are like pants in their way. Oh yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:42:27 We'll share the one We'll share the one To the good life and the good life To the good life And a good life And the Asians To the Asian Oh yeah he's Asian
Starting point is 00:42:42 I'm happy To the real age To intelligence To think forethought To protests To planning ahead Oh fuck. This was 2016, by old. How was it?
Starting point is 00:42:58 How was it? Oh, it was so good. Yeah, this is great. It tastes are great. Then we're fucked up. You've touched your breast cancer. Show in a couple seconds before you're chair. I'm not like it.
Starting point is 00:43:14 She's fine. I, uh, you guys heard of a horrible disease, ALS, yeah, that disease. Here on that's on. Thank you. Don't know about to tell you, everything I am about to tell you, 100%. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:43:48 How would a fragile feeling that? That's right. Who is this guy? That guy. That's got a hit. I'll take some of one. I think I got several. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:44:01 I'm doing all right now. I got a welcome that one. Pretty early and I just can't wait until she leaves, spread your legs and leaves the nest. That's what I'm waiting for with my daughter. You want your daughter to spread her legs? It's a joke. Oh, oh, wow. So how long have you been a freest feeder to fly?
Starting point is 00:44:25 Okay, baby. So I'm not going to be able to last for my shape? Sure. You were a fan of Twilight? I mean I lost my voice halfway through my third Tulsa show. Oh wow. I lost my voice halfway through my third Tulsa show on Friday so this is my flu game if it goes well and if not that's my excuse.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Still good overall but like I had to cut it short about like 10 minutes, yeah. I got a really fucked up dental thing that I have chronic pain from but I think it's from Mitzis last week yelling, all the smoke. And then, like, I headlined Tuesday. And, like, I did comedy every day. So, I did my headline five times last week. So, but we'll see. But, yeah, I don't, uh, I'm going to try to, like, not talk after this because I, like, literally haven't for two days in it.
Starting point is 00:45:37 So, like. The show's going on. It's crushing. Get fucking Pat O'Neill over there. You know what the fuck he going to do. know what the fuck about to have them, so maybe, you're unlucky y'all get to see my hand here
Starting point is 00:46:00 because y'all really soon get to see where the fuck they get the cooking net, but you know, gotta show y'all in the kitchen. This is real money. You know what's up? Experienced. You're gonna have? You're one at them?
Starting point is 00:46:14 Yeah. All right, thanks a place to your next spot. Are you guys? You guys got a fun out there. This is kind of a crazy episode. This one is off the rail. $100 bills flying. Make sure your next bucket, well it's Aaron Slaughter.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Action. So no. Oh. Oh. Well, you're filming this, so now I feel like I have to do something. You did a lot for last week, man. Well, they turned the fuck off, dude. No, I'm kidding.
Starting point is 00:47:00 Sorry, shit. All right, guys. My thing is a bit. God, you got all that? That sucks, man. Damn, what a nightmare. What a diva. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:20 Oh, bathroom? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're going to use the rest of it. Oh, oh. No, no, I'm done. Taking a quick, uh, quick restroom break. Who's in the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:47:35 How you doing? What's up, bro? How you doing? I see you. Sorry. Yeah, I did have a guy on my roster for rough stuff when I wrote that. Was he black? He wasn't, actually.
Starting point is 00:47:58 He was not? No, shocking. Amazing. It was my first Asian of my entire life. Whoa, an Asian climbed on that mountain, Mount Michaela? That didn't work out. Oh, my goodness. What happened with the Asian guy?
Starting point is 00:48:13 I don't know, fizzled out. Wow, he didn't love you for a long time. He did not. No. Wow. Where did you meet this Asian guy at? I'm talking Michaela. I'm crazy.
Starting point is 00:48:29 What's up with you? Well, you're the ideal man. Yeah, I'll act like because I anger. Yeah. You're pretty cool. Rick may go for it. I deserve it. The year thing wasn't an insult. I think they're cute. But take a shot, guy.
Starting point is 00:49:02 All right. How bad it? Harlan, you've got it. Harlan, you look like the chicken from... You got carpal tongue or... Yeah, yeah. What is it? What happened?
Starting point is 00:49:16 We're trying to get you up for the boil again. Oh, I'm already here. No, tell them. Drew like Mario. Yeah, probably not did. Oh, hey, how are you? Lise me? We're out, but then next week, I go to L.A. and then California
Starting point is 00:49:28 and then I come back. I go to Buffalo next week, and then I'm here for a while, and then two weeks back to Canada. We do another boil. Because that was you with so much going. Yes. Why did you have your first looking like real cake and bro? I'm not going to do crawfish though.
Starting point is 00:49:40 I was sucking up in the shrimp than most. No, he was chungin a lot. Is there any way to see like pork? See what? Oh yeah, of course, of course. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Are y'all dating? Huh? Y'all dating? No. Okay. I'm getting cold from, uh. Oh, it's not Christina. That's weird. I don't have to be here.
Starting point is 00:50:09 I thought it. No, I said me. Like, Bolly killed an air, I'll kill there, I'll kill, but I don't think he's given out a piece. Oh, yeah. Oh, what happened? That's when they dropped it.
Starting point is 00:50:26 And now it's gonna stop. And you were giving me shit? That's crazy. Yeah, you turn the TV off. Yeah, and I turn it right back on. We're right back on, so... Whoa. I'm seeing for...
Starting point is 00:50:39 A.I. Harlan Williams. What the kilts, son. How you doing, my guy? Do you make your outfits? Is that what you're saying? Wait, that's insane. I make them for the arena shows. So I have four new outfits coming for the rest of the year and probably into next year.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Oh my god. How long does that take you to make them? Four hours now, I got it down path. I made it down path. pattern to make them and I made like the side little apparatus thing to shut it. So now it's super easy for me to make them. I just pick different colors and patterns and all that. Thanks. Wow. Do you learn what did you want to make these? Amish women.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Really? Yeah. Oh, should we go? Oh, Pat. Thank you so much. All these. Oh, fuck yeah. We're fucking go high. I've seen a lot of different things. There's only one way in N.N. So I'm like best ladies and gentlemen. This guy is an absolute freak of nature.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Every citizen, he follows. Both Harlan Williams, you guys got to see the great Pat O'Neill. He does this every week. He's fantastic. That was terrible. Don't say it was good. Harlan's the best guest in the history of the show. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Yes, absolutely. That one better in front of him. Oh, thank you. No, you are correct, Pat O'Neill on everything. You are the fucking man, and we absolutely love you. Thank you. Seriously, he was under the weather and did Brave coming out for you people, and we appreciate the hell out of that part of that.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Thank you, folks. We love you so much. The great and powerful Pat O'Neill, ladies and gentlemen, did it again. And that's tonight's episode. I hate the Falcons. They don't give a fuck about me at all. I think I'm going to choose another team this year, because it's dog shit.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Yeah, I didn't catch much to the game. There's nothing to catch. It was just a 35, 40 fucking point beat down. I saw you on Caleb Hammer. When was that? What was this, Trivia Night? Two years ago. That was two years ago?
Starting point is 00:53:50 I watched it like a month ago. Yeah. He's getting big. Yeah, he is, right? Yeah. He's like the number two podcasts now. Oh, shit. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Yeah, he came here. He visited. Damn, when did he come? Like a year ago? Wow. Yeah, what a night. I can't believe that there's so many gay people on the show tonight. No Asians.
Starting point is 00:54:15 Yeah. How did you guys meet? The fuck is up with that. The fuck is up with that. So many people, so many Asian in the world. It's a billion of us. But they didn't, only none of us is there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:29 None of us is there. Why? Why? Does you want to break into China or not? No, yeah. This market. Yeah. Just speak one Chinese. What I said?
Starting point is 00:54:41 It did. Millions will come in. Yeah. Millions will come in. Yeah. KT. Tatar? No, no, no. No, no.
Starting point is 00:54:50 KT. Tata? Yeah, you know KT Tatar? Yeah, it's so funny. It's so funny. Yeah. Is he... He's in LA. Have you met him?
Starting point is 00:55:00 Uh... No, I haven't met it. I only watching him on YouTube. Oh, yeah. I just might not. So did you read that they put them to now? Just like, we're just fake deca. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Okay, okay, I got it. I respect. Have you guys met like Ronnie Chang or Jimmy O Yang? I don't know. I met Jimmy O'Yang at the Rolls Battle. Really? Yeah, and I, he was judging. I was judging and then I bumped like really high Tony was there too Jeff Ross too
Starting point is 00:55:37 yeah and I burned it like completely fucking yeah I'm not good at insulting people oh you're a nice guy yeah I want to if I can I don't have this ability to yeah We got it. I think Jay might go downstairs. Yes, that was the shit. That was my first kill Tony at the Mothership Experience. I'm friends with this motherfucker right here. And, uh, good shit, man.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Thanks, man. It was long, but it was long, but... That's what she said. Yeah, it's right. Jay's in the mat. That was great. I did a lot of jokes. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:57:43 I don't know. I want to know. Yeah, he's gonna challenge you. My favorite guy was the guy. I do characters. I don't want to go get you. Just say, Adam Ray, wrote all this. Just say something like, Adam Raybill.
Starting point is 00:57:58 I wrote all this, Joe. I wrote them. I wrote them. The show needed to be, like, 20 minutes shorter. It was long. I think that's the most important thing with that show. It has to stay a certain amount of time because. That's great, brave value.
Starting point is 00:58:19 There was a lot of derailments. There are you? Yeah, you're right. What the fuck was that? They didn't even slap when he entered. What are they? They bought tickets like six months ago? No, that's the whole, the time thing's really important.
Starting point is 00:58:43 I'm gonna go to have a drink. It's alright. I used to have to do this job all the time with Rogan and shit. But it was like I would do it a whole weekend. I would come back back in the mini-d-v-tates. And I think it was like 45 minutes of tape. I would come back with 20. And I just had to like make a 10-minute story out.
Starting point is 00:59:17 And you had to transfer all the tapes. You know what I mean? Like each tape you had to just sit there in real time while it transferred. It wasn't like throwing, you know, files over at your computer. Holy shit. And your computer, like, just to edit something, it wasn't real time. You'd have to edit and wait for it to render and go, how's that look? And then let go, nope.
Starting point is 00:59:40 God, shoot myself. You're so spoiled. You're so spoiled. Yeah. Yeah, now I'm digital age. Yeah. I just look, I just go through my clips real fast. I look for when I look the hottest and then I just clip it and then I go, okay, that I look hot.
Starting point is 00:59:54 and then I don't care what's said and then that's the part that I use. Oh. The rest, throw it away. Yeah, yeah. I don't care though. No, yeah. It's hard to find a bad looking image though. Oh, I'd shock you then.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Really? Yeah. Well, maybe it's because I'm real picky and I know like how. Do you really sell farts? No. Dude, I had a great idea that I should, they're really selling them. Kule merch is really selling farts in a jar. I thought of selling bath water and my somebody had a good idea about selling my youth cigarettes because I only smoke like I'll take like two more drags and then I'll put it right there So all my used cigarettes are there with my lipstick on it. Oh wow. That's actually kind of weird
Starting point is 01:00:42 I know you're telling me But now I used to get so many DMs about you know nice things and or people asking about Tony people asking about the show And now it's like 600 every week of people asking me if I'm really farting in a jar. I'm like, let me go back. Oh my gosh. Holy shh. So bad. Dude, your DMs must be insane.
Starting point is 01:01:10 Do they want to buy it? There's people who want to buy it, yeah. We already had like 28 sales already, like the last time I checked, which was like two weeks ago. So it's probably been way more now. Yeah. I got to ask Monica about it. That's fucking retarded. You're telling you,
Starting point is 01:01:26 how much is a jar? $25. Yeah, how'd you feel about your set today? It was one of my best. Crowd was hard, though. Dude, this crowd was weird, yeah. I think it was one of my best, and I wrote all of it on the weekend,
Starting point is 01:01:45 so I feel good. Dude, all in one week. Wow, dude. Holy shit, dude. You've been on a roll, bro. That's what I've heard. Tony's been saying, like you've been just crushing on the road.
Starting point is 01:01:55 Yeah, it's been really good, man. I'm doing my best. When did you want to be a stand-up comedian? I never did. I just heckled at an open mic, and they asked me to come back next week. Wow. And look at you now, bro.
Starting point is 01:02:09 That's so crazy, dude. It was really cathartic to start because nobody ever fucking listened to what I had to say, you know. It's hard to be in conversions, but on stage they just have to listen. Dude, that's so true, bro. They have to, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:21 I didn't even have a phone until I was what like 14, and it didn't talk so like I never really got to be heard, but I did comedy, and everyone has to listen. And that felt so good. Yeah, man, it was just finally being heard. I never wanted to do it, but I'm finally like, oh, I can communicate my thoughts on stage, and I fell in love. I'm gonna go home and sleep. I have been on tour for two months. I'm home for six days, and I'm like I have no time to do killed Tony, so I had to do that. I never sleep. I had to ride all weekend.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Take care, bro. Get some rest, man. You earned it. You crushed, bro. This guy crushed. Thanks, Dad. It's like this again. Goochie girl, grab her hand. Fuck that bitch, she don't want to dance.
Starting point is 01:03:15 She's married. I'm just sad. French wins ain't doing right. If you ask me, because I was him, I would a married kid and ass. Was Gucci, my nigger? What's Louie, my killer? What's my dula? What's that jacket, my shiller?
Starting point is 01:03:32 Get some merge, bro. Is it going to be able to be it needs? No one knows what it needs. You're not. It's the people going, bro. Get some merge, bro. You are. Good job.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Oh, thanks, man. You did a good job. You did, well, you helped me a lot last week, bro. Like, you were in, I don't know. Do you be contact? Dude, you're all in. I don't know if you saw it, but you're all in. you saw but you're all in it. I did watch it.
Starting point is 01:04:19 It's good, man. Thanks, bro. You're good at this. Keep this in. Thanks, dude. This guy, it's one guy. It's one guy. Thanks, bro.
Starting point is 01:04:28 Doing everything. Gotta be everywhere. Give me a kiss. All right, come here. Open mouth or close? What do you want? Open, open, open. Oh, my God.

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