Know Thyself - E159 - Jaiya: The Ancient Practice That Turns Sexuality Into a Path for Awakening

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

World-renowned sexologist and Tantra teacher Jaiya reveals how sexuality, intimacy, and awakened pleasure can become powerful tools for healing, spiritual growth, and self-realization. We explore why society has shamed sex, how suppression distorts our relationship with our bodies, and how ancient Tantric practices can restore our connection to the sacred.You’ll learn how to harness your life force energy, expand your capacity for intimacy, transmute darkness into light, and unlock your unique Erotic Blueprint. Try Pique Life tea and save 20% for life & get a free frother:https://www.piquelife.com/KnowThyselfStart your free trial with Wix:https://bit.ly/3SXG2qKAndrés Book Recs: https://www.knowthyselfpodcast.com/book-list___________0:00 Intro 2:14 Sexuality as a Path to Awakening3:59 Why Society Shames Sex6:46 The Link Between Distortion & Suppression 8:55 Coming Into Right Relationship with Sexuality12:04 We’re Missing Our on the “Symphony” of Intimacy 16:44 Why We Must Desexualize Our Mind20:22 Beauty & Subtlety of Awakened Pleasure 26:15 The Lineage of Tantra & It’s Doorway to the Divine32:55 Ad: Pique Life34:20 Tantra Isn’t Just Sex 39:48 How to Make Anything in Life Pleasurable43:52 Transmuting Darkness Into Light48:46 Ad: Wix50:41 Orgasms: Men vs Women58:39 Harnessing Your Life Force Energy1:04:49 Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Man1:07:16 Erotic Blueprints: Your Archetype for Pleasure1:24:25 Eros vs Sexuality 1:28:43 Becoming Integrated with These Tools1:33:29 Rekindling Your Sex Life with a Longtime Partner1:38:49 The Synchronicity of Coming On This Show1:41:18 Practice to Bring This Into Your Life1:43:28 Conclusion___________Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/missjaiya/https://theblueprintbreakthrough.com/https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/https://www.youtube.com/@knowthyselfpodcasthttps://www.knowthyselfpodcast.com

Sexuality, when we are empowered and it brings us sovereignty. I see a lot of harm in our world. Sex is something that we've suppressed and made wrong and bad and a lot of shame about. When we make that bad and wrong, then we make humanity bad and wrong. When we make that divine, everything just gets to be sacred and the face of the beloved is everywhere.

Now you start to have the recipe for having pleasure become a pathway to conscious awakening. It's beautiful that we have tantra today because so many of us can't go live in a cave. Tantra was born out of the householder can become enlightened. It involved staying in the world. It was harder. It was more difficult to attain enlightenment.

And so it becomes much more accessible. Talk to me then what's possible. If you're going to become an amazing lover to yourself or to another person, the main key to that is people talk about loving yourself all the time. But for me, it is awakening to the truth of who you are. Because when you understand who you are, you can't help but love yourself. And when you have unconditional love for you from you, then everybody gets it. Hey, everyone.

Welcome back to know thyself. Our guest today is a world-renowned somatic sexologist and tantra teacher who has devoted over two decades to understanding human sexuality. She's the founder of the erotic blueprint, which is, if you don't know, like the love languages for human sexuality. And through her books, her media appearances and teachings, she's really been supporting people, release shame around sexuality. understand sexuality as a path into self-realization.

Chaya, thank you for being here. It's a pleasure, literally. Yeah, it's interesting. I've heard you speak to how, for many, sexuality is the final frontier of personal growth. And whenever the topic of sexuality comes up, I feel like everybody in the room, their butthole clenches. Okay, everybody relax your butthole right now.

Hi, everybody, full permission. It's fascinating though, right? Because the very reason we're all here, a lot of us have resistance around. And so I would just love for you to set the stage in how you feel best as to why you feel that sexuality for many is the final frontier of discovery. I think that sex is something that we've suppressed and made wrong and bad and a lot of shame about instead of seeing it as a portal to the divine. It actually is this portal to us being more embodied as divinity. And so what we've done is that we've made something that everyone comes from. We've all come from sex.

Somebody somewhere had sex for you to exist here today. And when we make that bad and wrong, then we make humanity bad and wrong. And when we make that divine, when we make that sacred, then we make all of humanity, divine and sacred. We make everything around us, that. And I think a lot of this conversation around like we get tense or it's because we don't see sexuality in that light and because we've been taught and conditioned differently. And one of the things that I think we make this duality of the sacred and the profane, the word profane, profanum, means just outside of the temple. We took sex and put it outside of the temple.

And if we look at things like non-duality where we start to merge those things, we bring it inside the temple, or maybe there's no inside or outside, and everything just gets to be sacred in the face of the beloved is everywhere. And maybe love is just trying to remember itself in something that we've made profane or dark.

And I'm game for like, let's go into that place and help love remember itself out of the darkness. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, thank you for sharing. what do you say is the prevalent causes as to why that pervasive shame and conditioning exists? I think we can look at it from a couple of different levels. One is spiritually, if the key to enlightenment, we put it into a place that's taboo for us to look at.

I love Alan Watts, and so, you know, he says the taboo of knowing who you are. So the key to enlightenment in this very secret hidden place. And then we built whole structures and concepts around it and made it taboo to look at that. So we could look at it from that lens. We could also look at it from a power lens. Sexuality, when we are empowered and it brings us sovereignty. It brings us this empowerment where we don't rely on certain things within society anymore because we are sovereign within ourselves.

We don't need those external things to be happy. And so therefore, if we cut that off, that empowerment off, if we cut that sexual pleasure off from people, then we cut off the ability for them to, to be sovereign. And so I think that there's also, not saying that there's like maliciousness for per se in that, but that there is an unconsciousness, an ignorance in the world. And that that could be a reason why we've made it so taboo. And maybe we just like to play the game of forgetting. Maybe so we can remember one day. When somebody goes on the journey of becoming a sovereign

an individual, like aligning their mind, body, spirit. It's so easy to focus on the health habits. And, you know, if you're an entrepreneur or business, like all these areas around money and relationships and success that seem like the lowest hanging fruit for many of us to improve our lives. And then there's that last rock that many of us don't want to look at, which is where so much of our power lies that we would not always like to admit. And when I meet individuals who have like very clear centered sense of self, their relationship to their sexuality is usually also in that place. And I've also met many spiritual teachers that you could say are spiritual teachers or individuals who are influencers in the health and wellness space. And I've been in this industry

for a while. So I've seen a lot of individuals. And I've also gotten interesting feedback from the women around my life that have in certain circumstances expressed to me distortion and someone's sexual energetic field. And it's always disheartening because you look at people that are supposed to be unconscious powers of leadership. And it goes south quite often, unfortunately. And so what do you think is the link between distortion and suppression? And then we'll make our way into this all coming back into everything.

right relationship. Yeah. When we suppress something, when we're pushing it down, it becomes twisted instead of learning either how to transmute the energy or how do we work with sexual energy? Because to me, sexual energy is our liveliness. It's our life force energy. So as soon as we start to suppress life force, it starts to come out sideways. And that's where we get the distortion is because with so much suppression, where is it going to go if it's not going somewhere healthful? And that could be into creativity. There's so many places that we can utilize our sexual energy. But when we make it bad, wrong and suppress, that's where we get the twist. And then also, I would say, because there's also stages of development, and so we can develop spiritually and then not develop the psychosexual lines

of our development. And then we're still stunted. We're still teenagers or toddlers. I think most people have only touched like the very tip of the iceberg of what's possible sexually. I mean, teeny, teeny, teeny tiny little bit of it. And we don't even know because we don't even, we're not even given the platform really to explore and expand and the wisdom and knowledge and to develop along those lines. So meeting somebody who's really sexually developed as well as spiritually developed, I think is a rare thing in the world.

It can be really understood in terms of viewing sexuality as life force energy. I think we like to split things into like logical ways of deducing things. Like these are all the individual areas of life. And of course they're all intertwined. And our creativity, our verver for life, our passion romantically, like all these things are intertwined and in many ways connected to the same source of energy. And so when you think of sexuality and understanding sexuality and our sexual energy as like life force energy, and I know we'll be able to pull on many threads throughout Eros and Tantra and your background around these things. But viewing the coming into relation with these things as a path to self-awakening,

I'm just curious, how do you set the stage for thinking of reclaiming sexual energy into our path of self-remembrance? I think part of being human is this ability to transmute things. And to take something, as I mentioned, this, maybe it's in the darkness or it's, it feels like it's in the shadow and to transmute that into unconditional love or to transmute that into the light. And so what is right relationship? I think that can sometimes be an individual choice of, well, right relationship for one person may look very different from someone else. But just like any tool or path for awakening, we could think about psychedelics or meditation. I mean, we can get lost in the tool as opposed to seeing it.

as something that we are in a relationship for, for our remembrance. And to know that we have to surrender in some way to the path all the way, one person's definition of enlightenment, I can't remember who said it, but it was to take any path all the way to the end. And I was like, oh, I've done that with sex.

Like, I took that as far as I think it could possibly go. I don't actually think there's an end to any path, but to take it as far as you possibly can go with it into mastery and to surrender fully to it, but then not get so lost that you're now in a relationship that isn't right relationship. And with sex, I think there's so much because of this distortion or because of disconnection, we can utilize sex as something that's recreational instead of recreational, just like we have with many ecstatic practices, like dance, music. It can be recreational or it can be recreational. And I think that that has always been something in my brain is

like, am I using this or am I in relationship with this to recreate myself? Or am I just in an unconscious pattern of not being awake with it? Have I fallen asleep with sex? Or am I awake and now I'm utilizing it to recreate, to remember, and to transform? Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting because it feels like we have this seeming dichotomy of living in one of the most sexually liberated eras of humanity, but also the era with the most prevalent porn addiction and sexless life and infertility and sexual dysfunction. And so it's like, it's, I think, coming to the surface more and more now to be able to have these conversations in a space where it's more safe to do so. What do you think about the reality of, like, I guess, how disconnected we've really been. come with our sexual energy.

And you mentioned how the suppression then comes out sideways and it becomes distorted in all these ways. But you've been working with people as a sexologist for so long. And so you've seen the effect of the cause of not being in touch in harmony with our own sexual energy. Yeah. I see a lot of harm. I see a lot of harm in our world.

A lot of shadow in the sex that people are having and a lot of unconsciousness. But mostly, I think what saddens me is the possibility that's untapped. And so instead of this beautiful thing being so full of aliveness and awakening, we are, it's almost like how we treat our planet, you know, in some ways it's like we're extracting from it. and we're, it's like if we had a master symphony, and instead of playing this beautiful symphony with all of the instruments, we're hitting one note over and over and over again.

And we're hitting that one note not even with awareness, and we're hitting that one note hard, and we're hitting that one note loud and we're just doing that over and over and over again and it saddens me that people can't hear the symphony and instead they're just going again to the one note it's like it's like banging instead of playing a symphony yeah I would like to take that like metaphor that you gave

and like zoom in onto the individual sexual experience for a second because because of our I guess culturally conditioned relationship to sexuality. I've heard you speak to how we build these somatic habits and these tendencies of relating to our own sexual energy. When attraction arises what happens physiologically with our breath, with our lack of connection of awareness to self in the moment, part of self-awakening and becoming a conscious individual is like becoming conscious of every aspect of what it means to be human.

And so sexuality being one of these tools, one of these areas. where it's so easy to slip into unconsciousness because of how enchanting it is neurochemically, you know, even just looking at it from that level. What are these somatic habits that we build and what does it look like to actually build awareness into our relationship with their own sexual energy? Yeah, so the somatic habits,

I often liken them to, we find a pleasure route. Let's just say, let's give an example of like, okay, we kiss and then we touch genitals and then we have oral sex. and then we have intercourse. And that's a pattern that's like, okay, that works, that worked. Let's do that again.

And that's like the one note on the piano. And then that becomes a rut, which eventually becomes a grave. And just to talk a little bit about neuroplasticity, neuroplasticity is when we keep repeating something over and over and again. Now we've got that neural groove or that neural net that's now made that highway. And when we don't do that over and over again,

that highway then goes away or it keeps getting strengthened either way. But what I think is even more interesting that I just heard about recently is metaplasticity, which metaplasticity is like the soil, the fertile ground in which we become neuroplastic. So they call the plasticity of plasticity. And orgasm, they say the expanded states of consciousness create that fertile ground and open up that fertile ground than for us to create new neural highways. And so orgasm is an expanded state of awareness. And so orgasm gives us the possibility to open up more metaphysticity so we can create new somatic habits, new somatic pathways, and start to play symphony. And so the the groove that you're creating, because we are not taught to be very creative within sex, I'm going to be. I'm going to

come back to music again because I feel like when we play a piece of music, we're tapping into something creatively that has a lot of variety. That's pleasing to us when music has that. And so with sexuality, same thing. If we're just playing the one note without the creative variety of the symphony, then we aren't feeding our brain in a way that is even more pleasurable or gives us more possibility or more awakens new neural nets within the brain. I want all of us to be able to hear the music of what sex is. I feel like we don't even know how to define it really. Our definition is so limited and that's why we have these somatic habits. Speaking of pornography, you know, there's a somatic habit that gets wired in as well. Somebody watches something,

you see a certain visual and you do the same thing over and over and over again. That's another example. And so- Building that rut that you spoke to, like, It hijacks your dopamine reward system and then you keep like, becomes habitual. Exactly. And then when you go to be with a partner, you don't find that as pleasing because you've created this other dopamine route, right, where you're getting that hit all the time. And, you know, some of us would rather have that dopamine hit than the true connection and more variety of our hormonal makeup of what's happening in our brain.

And that more variety again creates the metaplasticity, which is the soil in which the seeds grow. and we want to have that soil. If we don't have the soil, then the seed can't grow. We actually don't change. What do you think about, I mean, I know the statistics around male addiction to pornography has been on the rise more and more. And building that rut happens pretty pervasively, I think, within men. And when you talk about their, like, reward systems being hijacked and you start to, like, you start to see the world through the sexualized lens

instead of like the erotic lens which is like life force energy and we can talk about that but what do you think about how to desexualize your mind have you heard of like that kind of phrasing of it because a lot of individuals feel an inability to be able to connect with other people and you know whether it be romantic relationships or otherwise because they have like their neurology

has been hacked by kind of seeing the world through an overly sexualized lens. Yeah, I feel that the lens in which we're seeing the world creates our reality. So if you are seeing the world through this over-sexualized lens or you've been wiring yourself a certain way,

then when you see something that looks attractive, you don't actually see a person. You see what you're wiring, you're seeing a thing. you're seeing it through the lens. So you're not seeing the wholeness of, it's hard to see the other. It's hard to really see the depth of what another human being is. And so we lose something very, very valuable in our connection.

And we lose the connection to the heart. And sex is a full body, full brain, full spirit, full everything. And I think that, again, we lose the sacredness of seeing everything as sacred. We now see object instead of sacred being, divine being in front of me, with their own sovereignty. And that's, I think that could be the cause of so many things that are up in our world today, you know? And again, there's like, there's a heart wrench inside of me sometimes of, wow, I wish they could just see. I wish they could just hear the beauty that's there. But our neurology can get hijacked, as you mentioned, to see something else.

So we have a different reality. Talk to me then what's possible. this level of beauty in depth and symphony that you speak of, what is like the promise if somebody really decides to dive in and to explore this, not just in this conversation, but as a deeper exploration in their life, what becomes possible in terms of your experience of life? What have you, I guess, unlocked in your journey of being human on this path for so long?

Talk to us about that. Yeah. Yay. Oh, wow. Being on this journey so long, I have come to understand that anything is possible and that orgasmic energy is the fuel to unlimited possibility. And I came to that very young. Early in my sexual development, I decided that God and sex were not separate. And that I could find just as much pleasure on a meditation cushion as I could also in my bed. And so they weren't this thing that became separate.

Sex and spirit were co-joined for me. And in my early self-exploration of pleasure, I would pray and self-pleasure at the same time. And it became this way of manifesting my reality. And it also became a way of experiencing God. And it also became a way of pleasure in the way. side of this human body. And then when I began to explore with partners, in my early 20s, I started having mystical experiences. I mentioned that orgasm is this expanded state of awareness, of consciousness. And one of my very first experiences was someone just kissed my toe. And it was someone who I'd

liked for a really long time. So there was a lot of anticipation and build up for like a couple years. I was waiting for that kiss. To kiss was, yeah, we're waiting for it. And the moment he kissed my toe, it was like this energy shot through my leg and up through my body. Some people might have said, like, it was a kundalini awakening. He must have felt his ego fluff up real big after that. Just takes a toe kiss. It's just a toe kiss.

We still talk about that to kiss. We're still together to this day. And my body started shaking, and we ended up in a. tantric position called Yab Yom, which is where the Shakti, the feminine, is sitting in Shiva's lap. And he's, we're just holding each other and weeping. And we started remembering all of the iterations we'd ever been together in all other life, lives. And he just started kissing my chest. And he was saying to the feminine, because I was no longer me, and he was no longer him. We had become divine. And he's kissing and he's saying, I didn't know, I didn't know.

I'm so sorry that I hurt you. 2,000 years I've been suppressing you. It was like the masculine was speaking to the feminine. This moment we're just tears. And we just both remembered that we were one and that we were God. And that was my first big mystical experience came through a to kiss. So what's possible? What's possible?

Anything's possible. Love remembering itself is possible. us having mystical experiences, rewiring our brains, health, manifestation, and we can unpack any one of those. But my favorite is remembering. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the Orange One. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette.

with a flame thrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. For those that are on the path of awakening, it's the expanding of the container of our awareness

and with that comes the pitching up of sensitivity. And so for some, it might sound super left field out there to think of like, think of like orgasms being possible from very subtle energy interactions and we'll go into the erotic blueprint and all the different ways in which people receive pleasure differently which I think is a super helpful framework and I know has supported millions of people but it's interesting to think that for the vast majority unfortunately of humanity what is needed for them to receive pleasure not even sexually but just sort of this like

serotonergic kind of experience of pleasure within the body. It requires a lot, like a lot of great. The one key really hard, really fast, you know, on the piano. And so it's cool just to think about the possibility for those that don't currently have access to a level of sensitivity where you gain pleasure from very, very subtle things in your environment, in your interactions. And, yeah, it's exciting. Yeah, the wind can blow the right way.

and just across the grays of a cheek. Ecstasy right there. It's everywhere. It's in every moment. I think many people on the spiritual path think of like meditation is like sit and meditate and wake up beyond the illusory nature of your thoughts. A lot of it can be derived from a more masculine way of viewing what awakening is. Avoid the emptiness.

Right. And then there's also that absolute dissolution of self going all the way into. the human experience and through pleasure, which is what you're speaking to, which you've mentioned even in those examples you gave, how simple sensations, things that you're perceiving can become a doorway to the divine and in a beautiful state that you have access to always, right?

And so for people that are a bit, like this idea is a bit more foreign to them, can you set the stage of, I guess, how old and deep the path of tantra is and understanding eros as as a doorway to the divine. Yeah. It's so interesting, just the path, you know, like, I think people get into this like, well, which path? The meditation path, the tantra path, the left hand, the right hand. I've been struggling with this one recently.

Just should I become a monk and be celibate and just do that path? And I've been on the tantra path for so long. And should I stay on this pleasure path? One of my beloved's Christian, he's always saying to me, you know, we've done the locusts and the meditating and the desert and all those things for many lifetimes. Like, no, this one's all about pleasure. Like, we're going to really do the pleasure path.

And I had this vision recently where I was listening this beautiful piece of music. And it's a 16-minute song that I just absolutely love. It just takes me on a journey every single time. and I close my eyes. I'm deepening into the music, deepening my breath. And on one side is all these monasteries. And it's all these monks in the monasteries with all their robes. And on the other side is just pleasure palaces of all the tantricas and all the divine consorts. And I'm on this little bridge path that's on water. And each time I step, a lotus flower opens up and blooms. And

the next step and the lotus flower opens up and blooms and I'm looking to the side. Should I go this side? Should I go to this side? Should I go this side? Should I go this side? Which path? And I keep walking and the lotuses are appearing rising and dying and rising and dying. And I come to the end and there's just white. And then I realize, oh, the path just appears before me. It doesn't matter. I don't have to choose between being a tantrika or being an aesthetic and sitting on the meditation cushion, I just allow the path to appear. And in that moment, I absorbed into this blanket of white and there was no more me and there was no more path. And it was just this, just suchness, just I amness. And it was like Buddha and Jesus and all the masters were there. And they're like,

welcome back. Like, we've been waiting for you to realize this. And it was just such a profound moment because I think I've struggled so much with, is it the tantra path and all the things I've been teaching are, is it this monk path? And to just have that all let go. And to answer your question, coming to that, tantra is very ancient

and it came out of the ascetic saying, no, this is the way, this is the path. The path is to denounce the world, let go of the world, let go of pleasure, become celibate.

And the householders and women really saying, because even in Buddhism, they were saying, well, women can't become enlightened. You have to wait until your next lifetime to be born as a man. So you get enlightened. And I think that there was... Such a dude thing to say, eh?

Yeah. You know, one of my inspirations is Bajriogini from Tantric Tibetan Buddhism. And she kind of came in a female... She didn't kind of come. She came in a female body. And went, fuck off everybody

like I'm going to show you that enlightenment doesn't mean gender you know that it's beyond and to recognize the divine within the feminine form and I love her and all of her forms and she had many many forms because part of it was this isn't about the form

and this is about the soul and so tantra was born out of this the householder can become enlightened we don't have to denounce the world and it's actually through the world and some people saw it as a higher path, not to, again, say that there's a right path,

but some people saw it as a higher path because it involved staying in the world. It was harder. It was more difficult to attain enlightenment, you know, having children, and running a household, and having a job and all of these things. And I think it's beautiful that we have tantra today

because so many of us can't go live in a cave and so it becomes much more accessible. And you spoke also to the kind of the masculine way of the void, the emptiness. But in tantra, right now I'm studying very deeply Sri Vidya Tantra, which is a royal path of tantra. And it was only the Brahmins who were allowed to study tantra, this form of tantra and the royals for many, many years

until the 1980s, actually, when Sri Amar Tandanata, he was like, no, everyone should be able to have access. to this, and it is a path where everything is sacred. Everything is the opportunity for alignment. It is in the world. It is through the body. It is through our orgasm that we come to these different states

of consciousness into awakening. And also just to speak a little bit to mystical experiences, because we've been talking about mystical experience in awakening. And I think that there is a difference. There's mystical experience, which comes oftentimes with the ecstasy. and the bliss and the phenomenology and the ineffable.

And then there's awakening, the awakening that is when consciousness wakes up from itself, from the me, from this identity, from the self-centeredness, into what it truly is. And, you know, this is know thyself. And so I feel that when we truly know thyself, then we truly love thyself. Because we wake up from the personal eye, from the me. And people talk about loving yourself all the time.

And I think a lot of people think that that's like hot baths and like self-care. But for me, it is awakening to the truth of who you are. Because when you understand who you are, you can't help but love yourself. And the endgame of all this sex and all the things that we're talking about really is unconditional love for you from you. And when you have unconditional love for you from you, then everybody gets it. From that overflow.

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I resonate so deeply. And I think sometimes we solely conflate tantra with sexuality. And I would just, I would love to get your perspective, both on the path that you mentioned, that you're currently exploring. But then also what tantra really is as a wider framework, which sexual, sexuality is one part of. It's so interesting you mention celibacy because I've been practicing celibacy right now.

Me too. Awesome. I have like three more months to go because I decided I was going to do a nine-month period, kind of like a gestation period of celibacy, but I am having the best sex I've ever had. But I'm not having it with another human body. You're an energetic in the blueprint,

so you're referring to that. Yeah. So just to talk about the tantra practice, So my practice has become, it's like I wanted to prepare myself and just take a break. I think it's really great to take a break and to have these periods of celibacy and to practice like this. I think it's just part of, if it shows up in your path, then it's part of the path. And so I decided I was going to do this this time and during this time to really deepen my tantra practice. Because, again, it's not just all about sex with another person.

think that that kind of got popularized and westernized in a lot of the neo-tantric, you know, practices. And then also to speak about different paths where, like, I started in a path where it was like, you are the guru, you don't need a guru, like a lot of sovereignty within the path of tantra. And I practiced that for 30 years. And now I've decided to go in a guru path, which is very different, to have a whole lineage of gurus who then teach you. And essentially they were going to come to, you don't need the guru eventually. But for now, it's like really interesting to be in that path. And so Sri Vidja itself

has a lot of mantra, a lot of ritual. It's so beautiful. I mean, there's like all the flowers and just like what a flower means to hold a flower to your heart

and offer it to the divine. That in itself to me is erotic. It's like, here I am holding this flat flowers are erotic themselves. And it's from my heart. It's an act of devotion. And to me,

devotion is foreplay with the divine that's one step away from the orgasm. because orgasm is merging with the divine. And so to be that one step away and to stay in the perpetual foreplay with the divine, it's just like, oh, it's my favorite.

And so right now to be in the practice where I'm doing the rituals, I'm doing the poos, I'm doing the mantras, I'm doing the mantras, and I'm in such devotion to the beloved and inviting in these, I've been studying a lot of the consorts to the feminine. and okay well who do I want to invite in today to play with as a consort and to embody then the divine

and allow their hands to be on my body energetically this is like just in meditation so I'm like having like an orgasmic experience just all in the field and it is some of like I mentioned so I'm having some of the best sex I've ever happened or the best erotic energy through my body that I've ever happened, the have had the best orgasms I've ever had. They just go on and on and I keep saying, the goddess is relentless. She just wants me to keep having orgasms and orgasms and orgasms. I said this to my guru and he says, he says, yeah, because you're capable. So she loves it, because I can just keep going and going and going and going. And it's all energetic. And so I'm really enjoying celibacy.

Sounds like a horrible time. And you're speaking also to the subtlety, you know, because we've gotten to like banging the piano or that like rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub until there's an explosion. I call that like the genital sneeze type of sex. It's just like, okay, ah-choo. Okay, and then we're done. On with the day. As opposed to one of the things that I like to teach is if you're going to become an amazing lover

to yourself or to another person. or you want to have this epic sex we've been talking about. The main key to that is present time awareness. It's becoming the witness in the present moment and holding that witness awareness until that witness awareness transforms into oneness awareness because it's merged. There is no more subject and object.

And sex is such a great way, well, great sex happens when you're practicing that, but it's also, sex is so close to the pleasure, of non-duality. For those people who've had the experience of a non-dual state of awareness, either where you're the witness of an I-Amness or that witness fades

and you're just in the suchness of everything, that is orgasmic. And what if this whole universe is just one big orgasm? I mean, that's just a different frame of like... I mean, the big bang, it just seems like the universe having one big explosion, orgasm, you know?

and all of the creation that is on the other end of it. And I know you speak to just how orgasmic energy is one and the same with creation energy. You're tapping into the zero point field of infinite possibilities. And that can be leveraged in so many different ways depending on where you're at. You spoke to, and I would like to explore more, this conscious self-pleasure practice, whether it's a partner or it's a self-pleasure practice. Again, sexuality being one of the areas where it's most easy, oftentimes to slip into unconscious habits. And so for an individual who's whether they're on a path of celibacy right now or not,

and they want to build that conscious awareness like you're speaking to, that witness awareness going to oneness awareness, and can use these opportunities of self-pleasure as a path and as an opportunity for, deeper awakening to self. What is a conscious self-pleasure practice? What does that look like in practice? And then we can go into orgasms and stuff like that too. Awesome. Just start with your breath. So a lot of us can notice stay present to an inhale and an exhale coming in out of our nose and notice the temperature. And then just notice how pleasurable it is to breathe. I think we forget like, oh, this inspiration. We're drawing spirit into the body. And just breath itself can be orgasmic if you allow it.

It's like that metaphysticity I was talking about earlier. If we don't have the soil for the neuroplasticity, that this is all pleasurable. Everything is pleasurable if we allow it. One of my goals was to make everything orgasmic and I hate throwing up. And I was like, can I make the thing I hit? I really hate it. And one day I felt really bad, and I was like, oh, I think I'm going to throw up. So I'm going to make this pleasurable. I'm going to practice this. And instead of, I was like, well, what is it actually?

Like, if I could take it down to its subtlest form, what is actually happening? There's a big bang coming out of me. There's an explosion coming out of me. That is orgasmic. And so I just started equating it. And then it just became, it became orgasmic. I actually became orgasm. Like my whole body disappeared.

and I just became this energy that was flowing out of me. And my son and his caretaker were in the other room, and they're like, are you okay in there? Because I was just like moaning through the whole thing. Wow. And I was like, I did it. I made like the worst thing that I experienced orgasmic. And so for anybody who's in a celibacy or a self-pleasure practice,

to make it conscious is just to have that frame in your mind of like, what's the pure energy of this? thing. If we take all the labels off of it, if we take that it's good or bad off of it, and instead we just go to, what's the pure frequency? What's the pure vibration of it? I think fundamentally at the bottom of it, it's all orgasmic. Everything is created out of orgasmic energy. We are created out of orgasmic energy. The egg says, yes, sperm, come inside of me. And the sperm comes in and boom. And that goes into two cells. And that goes like, that is a miracle that that happens and we're exploding over and over and over again. And so we come into these,

what appears to be form, solid form, which we know now, you know, isn't that. But that is all happening right now. And all you have to do is tune into it with your awareness and that's becoming consciousness. That that frequency, every one of us was born in love and the vibration of love and the vibration of orgasm. And that ecstasy is available just with a thought. I think what you mentioned and also in your story is like it so much of the suffering is derived out of resistance, whether it's conscious or subconscious to whatever our experiences and to kind of dissolve the resistance that we have, whether it's a moment of attraction or arising of sexual energy, we often lose connection with awareness of our breath. And that becomes the beginning steps of an unconscious habit of masturbation or whatever. And so it sounds like keep awareness of your breath. Keep awareness in general.

Anything else? The other I would say is moving. So you become aware of the sexual energy and then where are you moving it? What are you doing with your sexual energy? We're unconscious to what we're doing with it all day long. And I think that's where people feel like there's a lack of integrity because we're unconsciously moving our sexual energy towards or we're doing something with it.

become conscious of what you're doing and then consciously move it. So I talked about transmutation. Like we're here to transmute these things into beauty or transmuted into love. So part of my practice also, and this is something that I learned in studying Vajra Jogini was how are we moving and utilizing wherever that is? If we tune in right now, if everybody just tunes in right now, to like, where is your sexual energy in your body as you're hearing this conversation about sex, like, where is it in your body? And if you tune in and then add conscious breath to breathe that somewhere else into your body, breathe it up if it's in your genitals, into your heart, not that it's bad wrong in your genitals, just if you breathe it up into your heart

and breathe it into unconditional love. Or, um, are you familiar with yes? He's Shagyo. I have no idea what you just said. So she was also a Dekini and Tibetan Buddhism. And she, one of the things, Tonglin, do you know, the Tonglin practice comes from this? So Tonglin is a practice of transmuting darkness into light or transmitting suffering into light, yes. Yeah, so many of us have that notion of inhale

the good shit, exhale the bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Just like putting it in reverse. So she, her story, and what a part of it I love her story, is she was this princess, she left and went around, you know, traveling around, and she was studying all this spirituality, became enlightened.

And a group of bandits attacked her. And they were raping her. And she was transmuting the rape into enlightenment. And they all woke up through the rape. And then they followed her and protected her for the rest of her life. This is like a story in and like an ancient text or something. This is a story of her life. She was a real woman.

And so Tonglin practice came from this. Oh, I don't know that was its origin. And so this practice of transmuting the darkness into light came from her ability to do that. And so how do we, in that, in the moment of greatest darkness, in the moment of greatest suffering, transmute that energy into light? It's such an incredible path.

I mean, you look at Jesus on the cross, forgive them, for do they not know what they do. And I think in the neo-spirituality where spiritual practices and ideas have very much so been captured by capitalism, there's a lot of, of great things that have come as a byproduct of that, but one pitfall is that it can fall into sort of solipsism and narcissistic tendencies when you're overly focusing on self. And so that practice of inhaling all of the pain in the world and transmuting it through

your body because you have the capacity to do so and inhaling love and compassion and meta for the world around you is an amazing reframe. It helps me not feel so alone in my suffering. You know, I was recently one of my beloveds. was diagnosed with stage four cancer and was told he only had three months to live. And so what I did every day during the time that I was caring for him and his cancer

was I would take everyone in the world and connect with everyone in the world who was suffering with the same thing, a beloved dying of cancer. And started to just bring that through. And then when I connected to everyone else who was suffering with the same thing, my suffering felt more bearable

and also transmitting his suffering into something that was more bearable. And I was using pleasure as fuel. Like pleasure is fuel for transmutation. So the more that we have pleasure, the more that we have that sexual energy, wherever that is, and we're allowing that to express.

One of the things I love that you said was a lot of our suffering comes from resistance to what is. And so if we're resisting the truth of what is, instead of allowing ourselves to transmute that, I think that then we start to, I mean, I just Kate would come into incredible peace and incredible love because I could feel the love for every being who was also in the same position that I was in that moment. And it lightened everything and it allowed me to care for him in a very special way. And luckily, he received a miracle and he's cured.

Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm so happy to hear. Yeah. Not just through that. He also had some treatment. Yeah. Yeah.

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in my daily habits and routine, I think just helps bring that energy in. And so thinking of life force energy as creative energy, as sexual energy, as one in the same across the board has been super helpful for my own life because we can do so many different things with our energy, right? And that's a beautiful one in connection with somebody. And that's also great when it's used for service of something greater in your life that you want to. When you think about orgasms and how it's different for men and women, And also ejaculation as it's different for men and woman. Yeah, I would love for you to share your thoughts around that because they are very different.

Yeah, the energy flow is different in the body. So energy in masculine expression of orgasm often goes out the body. And for the feminine, it often comes up through the body. Orgism and ejaculation controlled by different parts of the brain, which a lot of people don't know. and so it's different parts of the nervous system. And people think that orgasm ejaculation come together for the male body and that it's different for the female body, that that actually doesn't go together. And so it's mostly just because it's how things have been come wired, but we can separate it out.

So men can be multi-orgasmic and have as many orgasms as they like. They can have non-ejaculatory orgasms. They can have orgasms that have orgasms that have. less refractory period in between. So these are some of the, again, possibilities just in like what can happen in our body when we're talking about physical sexual orgasm. And then for the vulva body, people with vulvas,

that can be more of like a clitoral orgasm, a vaginal orgasm, an ejaculatory orgasm, a transcendent orgasm. We've been talking a lot about those kinds. But we have this capability to experience really unlimited when it comes to this. Even we all have the plumbing, as long as you have the plumbing.

But even people without the plumbing, I had a friend who was paralyzed and he learned to wire his thumb as if it was his penis so that he could have the same experience. What a lad. Like, you know, just a thumb there and like right away.

So like, like, like, like what's possible in terms of, of like when we have fertile soil for neuroplasticity, we can rewire and we can wire different ways of pleasure. Like if there's something you're like, oh, I don't like that. Well, actually, you could shift that if you wanted to because maybe your partner loves it. I did this with one of my partners. He didn't like be pinching in his nipples. And so I was like, hopefully like a little crab. So I was like, okay, well, let's see if we could wire. Like, let's just see if we could change to that.

And we did. And we wired it so that now with a nipple pinch, he would get an erection. Human bodies are so fascinating. They are. As it relates to men, because I know there's many different Taoist formulas for men to to maintain vitality in your system. Like there are these various different Taoist and Buddhist equations formulas for the frequency of abstinence between ejaculation for men and to maintain their vitality.

One of which I've heard is your age minus seven divided by four. So, you know, not every day for most people. And you're talking to how the neurology and physiology is different for an orgasm or an ejaculation for a man. And there's been a big rise, if you like, online of like semen retention and the no fat movement. And I think it's because people have felt extremely depleted from unconscious habitual tendencies of releasing so often as guys. And yeah, so I'm curious, what are your thoughts on that when you've worked with men and the difference is there between men and women? Because it seems like on the women's side of things, it's just like more than merrier. Yeah. Yeah, different points of view, depending upon where you look.

So the Dallas always have all these numbers and equations. So I think it's really fun. And for me, I'm an experimenter in my own body, right? Of, well, what works for me and where do I feel most alive, where things are flowing best? I think that's really individual for each person. So you could try the Taoist and do the equations. And then in tantra, we would say it's okay as long as you're transmuting what I've been talking about where we're moving the sexual energy. And just another thing to say about transmutation while we're there is,

transmutation, you really know that you're doing it well when you first start to learn it because you'll lose a little bit of your erection. Your tumessence will go down a little bit. And that means you're drawing the energy from the pelvis or out of the penis all the way up through the body, depending upon where you're intending it for it to go. If you're intending it to go to the crown of the head or the pineal gland or the heart. And so with transmutation, if you're taking that deep breath and you're drawing it up, let's say you're drawing it up into the pineal gland for more of a spiritual experience, you're putting hydraulic pressure

into the cerebral spinal fluid and then into that pineal area. And the pineal gland can actually ejaculate fluid. And a lot of people don't know that. So you can have like a pineal gland ejaculation, which some people say maybe that is like a DMT response, which is why people can see visions and colors. Yeah.

I mean, those were my first psychedelic experiences happened because of sex. Because I was doing so much transmutation. and putting that hydraulic pressure there, that then I was getting brain, I was having these brain orgasms. Yeah, and they've studied this, like with the very small calcite crystals

that exist with Piazoelectric effect of the pressure that can release those things. Yeah. It's fascinating. And I love that. I love that our bodies. We have the pharmacy endogenously within ourselves to be creating these experiences.

And so, and it doesn't matter your gender. Anybody can have that. Sort of like you're a butthole. It's a place of equality. our pineal glands are a place of equality. Sorry, what was that? Botholes are a place of equality. No matter your gender.

We all have a ball. Right, right, right. Sorry, okay, got it. And second only to the clitoris in the amount of nerve endings. So, you know, it's also wired for pleasure. We don't think of that. Like, oh, wow, second only to the clitoris in the number of nerve endings. Why do you think female physiology is wired with so many more nerve endings and dudes? I think that we're wired that way biologically for reproduction.

so that I think there's a tie. A lot of people don't understand that reproduction is actually tied to pleasure. We think there's just like this thing that can happen as opposed to actually what's happening inside the uterus. There's a movement of the uterus with orgasm and with more pleasure, and that's all connected in.

So there are these ligaments, they're actually not ligaments, but they're named ligaments, that go in towards the clitoris and all of the more arousal that you have, the more that tips so that the semen sits in there and has more likelihood for pregnancy. So there are biological reasons

that we want to have more pleasure because it's actually changing the physiology of the body. And then you talked about the differences between men and women, like women having all this orgasmic capacity to have orgasms over and over and over again. I think men have the same capacity. It's just not learned.

It's not taught. Yeah, I mean, almost all of my like friends growing up and also like this place I worked and lived Maverick House beforehand. I remember talking on their show impulsive actually about this and semen retention. And it's just so foreign. Like I think in this conversation, we're kind of talking as if there's a lot of inherent kind of knowledge, which there probably is for a lot of our listeners. But for most people, the idea for a guy that you could have a long orgasm without coming is sounds like something out of a science fiction novel. It's like it's so antithesis to the kind of cultural paradigm of what it means. But I studied this

because I realized the importance of cultivating this energy. And the Ayurvedic lens of Datu Paranama, which is the refinement and distillation of bodily tissues. So from the food that we eat, that goes into the plasma, that goes into the blood in our system, that goes into the muscle and then the fat, and then the bone and then the marrow and then chukra, which for men is semen and ovus for women, that is like a 30-day cycle that cultivates. And the distillation, like the seven-stage alchemical journey of refining life-force energy within ourselves, which lead to Ujjas, which is like the fragrance of vibrancy of being, which, you know, very much so correlates to Kundalini awakenings and growing spiritually. And so there is a direct,

link between the depletion of semen, which is for us guys, the most potent kind of form of, of like what they say is bodily tissue that we have. And it's no wonder that there is an epidemic of pornography addiction and spiritual loneliness and depression, like all of these things are tied into one another. And so I'm curious what you think about the cultivation of Ujjjjah. And thinking about cultivating your life force energy. as a path to, and the Kudalini perspective, raise up the Shishuma channel and, yeah. Yeah.

So the first piece is this life force energy and where we're moving it, where we're channeling it, and are you depleting yourself and do you feel depleted from it? I have a lot of different schools of thought because I've seen some clients who've like really practiced this and then they get like clogged up energetically. and like get infections and stuff like that too.

With like ejaculation in particular. With ejaculation, of course. And which by the way is like having an orgasm and coming but like not having anything leave your body. Right. It goes back into your bladder a lot of times. So it's going in. And there were practices where people would practice this like sucking honey through the tip of their penis, sucking milk through the tip of their penis to learn like how to bring it in.

Wait, what? Yeah. Well, I'm not going to even ask, okay. And, yeah, there's, like, all these are really interesting practices that I got really into for a while, like putting things like a wet wash cloth over your penis. And then you would, you know, like, contract your pelvic floor muscles and lift and lift and lift. And then you would put heavier things and heavier weights and heavier weights. The key goals for guys in a sense. But, okay.

And this was to learn to not ejaculate. And so there's a lot of this practice of, again, in Dallas and Tontric texts of, not an Arieveda of obtaining the life force and not losing things. And then there's been some research just on prostate health of like, actually it's like good for us to ejaculate. And so I come back to experiment. And I, and the thing that the first thing that I thought of that really struck me was, why don't we teach these things? You know, like, I mean, maybe it sounds weird to put like honey up through your penis, like sucking honey through your penis. Still not understanding that one.

But the idea of why isn't sex transmutation or this idea that we can, as we're sexually developing, learn to not ejaculate but be in pleasure and learn to sit with being in high states of pleasure without the need to roll into orgasm or ejaculation? And what would it be to keep expanding our capacity for pleasure and to actually teach people that from a very early age, why are we? we so ashamed to actually give information that then can connect the heart that can teach us what to do with our sexual energy. So like you said, we're not in spiritual aloneness. And I don't want to make like self-pleasure or masturbation wrong. The word masturbation actually means shaming oneself. Really? Yeah.

Like with one's hands. And so like in the pedindle nerve, like it's the nerve. What does that like have like Catholic origins? What? I'm not sure where it originates. but the pudendal nerve is the nerve of shame. And so it's just so interesting that like even the way that things are named. And so Sherry Winston, who is a friend of mine, she's like, let's call it the external genital nerve instead of the pudendal nerve instead of the nerve.

Instead of the nerve of shame, like external genital nerve, that explains what it is instead of naming things. So even the way that we've named things or like cutting off parts of the body like the clitoris, they took it out of the textbooks. because it had to do with pleasure. So they didn't even keep aspects of the clitoris inside, and they only kept the aspects of reproductive organs in the medical textbooks. So, like, why are we not teaching and why are we cutting things out

that are accurate information about our bodies? Yeah, it's fascinating to see what's become the status quo based off of a moment in history of defining something etymologically. Or I think it's King Henry, who liked to see women give birth and the lying on their back position.

Right. So then it became the way that they gave birth. Which is crazy. If you look it up, it's real. Like that's women, it's not like the natural position to give birth on laying on your back. Not at all. But this weirdo

changed the way that we do it medically. It's fascinating. Yeah, it's so interesting how we get these things that become part of our culture and we don't question where they came from when they aren't the natural way that we would do it. You know, like even laying on your back

for orgasm as well. Like, yeah, that's great if you have a curved penis that goes into a certain position, but we need to change that up and have different positions. And it became taboo even to have sex outside of a missionary position. When you support guys, I mean,

there's many great resources about becoming a multi-orgasic man in the microcosmic orbit and like utilizing your breath. to recycle this life force energy. For just as a point of resource, like if people want to dive deeper into exploring that, what are some good resources and just any thoughts you have on,

yeah, on how one could learn to utilize their energy in such a way. Your own self is your best teacher. Your own body is your best teacher. So the first thing is just to start to play with your body more in this way. play with your body with like building sexual energy and then breathing through so allowing yourself to just breathe up through that orbit um understanding anatomy energetically not just your physical anatomy so many of us don't even know our anatomy physically like especially when it comes to sex and and then let alone the energetic anatomy so montaccia is a great resource um his book multi-orgasic

man uh that but really I just come back to play. We get so serious about sex and we get so serious about this like way that we're doing it. We talked about the rut. We get into the rut of doing it the same way over and over and over again. Set aside two hours and just go, let me just stroke my finger and be completely aware and present and see how long I can be present in the present moment of witnessing what it feels like to just stroke this finger. and breathe, and let that pleasure keep expanding, and let that be enough, find the subtlety,

start to play with it and start to breathe it through. I really, really advocate for setting aside time to have an erotic practice, a pleasure practice, just like your meditation practice. And what if you combine the two, like we were talking about? So if you combine mindfulness with self-pleasure, now you start to have the recipe for deepening relationship with remembering what our bodies are actually capable of

and having pleasure become a pathway to conscious awakening. Yeah. Amazing. I want to go slowly now in terms of, to the erotic blueprints. Because I think a lot of the verbiage and the way you've been explaining things are inherent also in like an energetic archetype, which many people think of sex and more of the sexual kind of type.

And so where did this first, where did this blueprint come from? How did you first kind of stumble on this sort of creation and way of looking at it? And then we can make our way through it. And yeah, go from there. It was just on the street, actually. Oh, yeah. You were here, eh? Yeah, I used to live here.

Yeah. And so I was with a client and it was one day I'll never, I just won't ever forget it because it was just so profound. I was hovering my hands and I was showing his wife like, hover your hands over his body. And she had been trying all these different kind of sexual techniques. She was reading in magazines and books on him. And nothing was happening. Like he just wasn't being turned on. He wasn't finding arousal in his genitals.

something was just short-circuiting in a system. And so I was showing her like, well, let's go off his body. Let's just see what happens off his body. And I'm hovering my hands. And all of a sudden, he starts to get these big waves, like moving through his body, just rolling. And he looks at me with these big eyes. And he's like, what's happening? And she's looking at me with big eyes. Like, what is going on? And we start to just get a little bit closer. And he starts to just like, is like electricity is moving through his body and he starts to get an erection. And I'm like, you're wired energetically. And that was, does something sparked in my head? Oh, we're all wired differently in our eroticism. And he's not wired sexually. He's wired energetically. So all of his

arousal is going to be a non, non touch, which actually we're touching an energy field. But it's not in doing the one note on the piano over and over again. That's just not where his eroticism lives. And I got my notebook out after that session and then I had a client later that day. I was like, oh, he's sensual. You know, like, I started just to see the patterning from being with so many bodies. The pattern actually revealed itself to me. And I was like, oh, and then I just started just experimenting. Does this actually fit? Does this work? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Now I'm seeing the patterns over and over and over again. Yeah. So it was a way. for people to have a language to speak when oftentimes we're partnered with somebody who has a different language that us.

Amazing. And so then you went on the journey and like helping formalize this kind of context for for these different types. So what are the five and then we'll make our way through them? Sure. So the first one we've been talking about a lot. It's the energetic. And that's someone who's turned on by anticipation space, tease, longing, yearning. They like, like I was talking about hovering the hands over the body, they like having the ability to feel more with less. So they live in this subtle realm. And their superpower really is that they are orgasmic by just thinking, the wind caressing them.

They actually are more orgasmic than some of the other types. It's just that everybody goes too quick, too fast at them. and then they short circuit. And so the shadow side of the energetic is that they can feel like they're dissociating, they can feel like something's wrong with them, they can feel like they're not turned on, they can override boundaries very easily,

and so they're often judged as frigid or not sexual when the truth is actually they're very erotic beings. It's just nobody knows how to play their instrument. If somebody, what would be a telltale sign for somebody that is trying to, through this conversation, get context for what theirs are? Yeah, how would somebody know if they're more of an energetic type? The way that I test this is actually in the body, because the body tells the truth about what type you are. And so if you're someone who is more turned on by someone hovering their hand over your body or the anticipation and imagination that are going to kiss someone versus the actual kissing, that when you get to the kissing, it's kind of like,

but all the buildup towards the kissing was the turn on. Those are like signs. But it's mostly testing yourself in terms of actually physically, what is it this light, light touch? Is it non-touch? Is it the anticipation that's turning me on and getting really curious? I also think we, just like we lose play,

we lose curiosity. And curiosity breeds intimacy. So the more curious you are, the more intimacy you're actually building with yourself and another person. So get really curious about your body and just start to play, you know. Oh, what's this feel like?

Oh, what's this feel like? And see what happens. Amazing. Okay, so what's next? Sensual's next. The sensual. And the sensual is someone who's turned on by all of their senses being ignited.

So this is someone who, where the energetic loves all the space and tease, the sensual wants it's collapsed. They want closeness. So think more like slow dancing, really, really close with one another. candlelight, the environment being a certain way, music within the environment. When we think of what is sensual or romantic, context is really important for a sensual.

So having like the context of we haven't seen each other for so long. And now we're going to see each other again and we're going to reunite and there's going to be swans. That's a very sensual context or firelight, like these romantic notions. story story is very important for the sensual. And the shadow side of the sensual is that you get caught up in your head and you have a hard time feeling what's happening at your body. So you get disembodied. Like circumstance dependent. Very much so. Very much so. And if like somebody's breast stinks, you get distracted, the socks on the floor, like it can be like taking you out of the experience. But the superpower is that you bring the beauty to the erotic experience. So someone who's very

sensual brings the, you know, they are going to bring that environment. and they're going to dress up and they're going to do all the things that make them feel and help them feel like they're now in the erotic reality. Okay. Yeah. Sweet.

What's the third? What's the next? The third is the sexual. And this is what we think of when we think of sex in our culture. So this is someone who likes nudity, orgasms, getting to the point of it. They want to get straight to that pleasure spot.

Often penis and vagina sex. What we think of is sex, but that's the limited. definition of sex. And so, but the superpower of the sexual is that they bring the fun. They bring the lightness and they bring the ease to sexual reality. They're like, sex is easy. What are you guys all fussing about? You know, I hear this a lot from sexuals when I'm working with my clients. I'm like, I just don't understand why everybody's making you so complicated. It's like, it's easy. What are you talking about? So, but the shadow side of that,

of course, is there's not room for the other blueprints. Everybody else is kind of wrong. And the shadow side can also be this coming out sideways distortion, unconscious sexuality, not in right relationship with sex, that can come out in not a positive way. And so the sexual will often say everybody else is wrong, and I'm right, but that's because our cultural narrative is that sex is what we think of when we think of the sexual blueprint. But there's a whole other world out there.

and they can sometimes be resistant to that other world. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like most people are familiar with that one, standard notion of sexuality. Yeah. In that sense. Okay, so we got energetic, sensual, sexual. And then the fourth one.

Kinky. Kinky. So kinky is the taboo. And this means it's anything that's taboo for you. So, for example, I had clients who had sex and missionary position for 40 years, never had another position because it was taboo because they both grew up very religious and they were like

oh, Chaya, we had sex out of missionary position and it was so kinky for them so they were actually kinky blueprint because everything was so taboo even though it may seem very mild for most people but I think when people think of kinky they often go to another extreme and so this can include BDSM,

this can include psychological kinky play this can include physical kinky There's different ways in which that can express. But the underlying definition is the taboo is where the turn on is. The superpower of this is it's endlessly creative. I mean, we've created so many things that are taboo when it comes to sex that we have an endless world to explore within that realm. And so it can be fun, it can be creative.

There's a lot of communication that can happen within that. So there's a lot of actually kinky people have a lot of really helpful communication. they've gotten really creative and how they express and communicate about sexuality. And then the shadow side is shame. This is the blueprint that harbors the most shame

because it's like, oh, I want to do these things that are naughty that are the taboo. And so helping to overcome that shame within you or it's become so shameful

that it becomes your, again, a rut that becomes a grave because it becomes the only route to pleasure because it has so much juice around it. Is there a link between some sort of sexual suppression and the different types of like the need for a kink outlet in some capacity?

I haven't seen that so much because I think all of the blueprints in some way have suppression. The energetics are ashamed and suppress themselves in some way because they tell themselves that they're weird. I know I've struggled with that one of like, gosh, I'm so weird. Like somebody just barely touches me and I started, you know, having these grand and orgasmic experiences. And I really had to reframe that. And to reframe, I don't want to suppress myself. I'm actually like, I mean, the being that I am is just this really huge, magnificent, orgasmic being.

So why would I want to hide that? And instead of telling myself, I'm weird every time that little part that once the suppress comes up, I just go, no, I'm a perfect expression of divine consciousness. And actually this expression is needed or else it wouldn't be here. And I think that's true across the board for all the blueprints. Like you, the expression that you are erotically is, is the perfect expression that's needed here. And we need all of these expressions. Oneness is diversity.

And so, and I also, once we get to one of the blueprints, there is for me a place that I think is where we completely stop suppressing ourselves. There is a true sexual expression that we all are. And I'll get to that. Okay. Is there a reason why someone's wired, one of these ways or the other? Is it just like the culmination of your life experience and like all these different factors

or is there a prevalent reason? I think it's a combination. I think that there are things in our lives that shape us to be the way that we have become because part of that is how our nervous systems got wired. And I think there's also something to be said for like how we came in as the expression that we were meant to be in this lifetime.

And so an example of this would be like, I'll go back to energetics again and myself is trauma can have a system become very sensitive to where they need a more attuned and subtle awareness during erotic experience. And I think part of why maybe there's dissociation and the short-circuiting is because there has been an experience in someone's history

where that system adapted to being hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant. And so also sensuals, a lot of hypervigilance is in the system where they're just like what's happening in my environment's where they can't come in. So the shadow aspect really can show us sometimes what might have happened in someone's lifetime that had them developed the way that they did. Or let's say with sexual blueprint, someone started watching porn at a very, very young age. They've now wired that in, which can be amasking sometimes over a true blueprint, but that becomes then an early wiring that our brain. is now, okay, sexual, that's what that is. That's what's most pleasurable. Got it.

And I'm assuming we're all combinations of different things, which probably go into the fifth one, which is shapeshifter. Yes. And yes, shapeshifter. So the shapeshifter is someone who's all of these things. So if you've heard yourself in all of them, it's likely you're a shapeshifter. The shapeshifter is like if these were languages,

they can speak all the languages. And they're great lovers, of course, because they can adapt to being whatever. anybody else is. And the shapeshifter in their shadow, however, is they're often starving because they are shapeshifting to be what other people are because they have that ability to adopt, and also because their sexuality is full spectrum. They have all of the blueprints. And if they've been developing in this and they're aware of it, then they are going to have, it's kind of like, I liken it to like a hyper sports car. And they can just like let loose.

all the ways. But someone needs to know how to drive that, you know, and most people in this world have not developed in the sexual line to the point to where they know how to even start to let that open and really take advantage to what a shapeshifter is. And to come back to what I think we all are, what I've seen through my work over the last 30 years is that as people go on this journey, we all become shapeshifters. And I think what happens is that we all start out. with this fullness of our sexuality. And then we cut off apart and we compartmentalize and make that one's not okay. Or we strengthen apart.

And so what most people are is they have like a high percentage of one and a little bit of the other ones. And by the time they end their sexual journey or they've deepened their sexual journey, most people come out as shapeshifters. So my theory based upon the 30 years of watching people, go on this journey, is that we actually are these full spectrum erotic beings. And Eros wants to express itself in all of the ways. And consciousness wants to play and experience in all of the ways to know itself better. And so in order to know itself better, we have this variety of sexual expression.

And to allow that variety of sexual expression without shame and do it consensually and ethically and with integrity. and with consciousness, we find the sacredness and all the expression, and then we come into wholeness, and the integration is the shapeshifter. Is there a difference in the percentage of men versus women who are certain types? Yes. So we've had almost 3 million people, I think, now take the quiz,

and in the quiz we ask what gender people are, and just so we can start to track, like, well, where is there? And what are the suppositions that people have? Like, a lot of people are like, all men are sexual, and all women are sensual. And my therapist told me to, you know, run her a hot bath and then she'll want to have sex with me. And I'm like, if it didn't work, I'm like, well, here's why it didn't work is because what we found was actually the majority of women lean more toward energetic and sensual. So there is some truth to the sensual.

So it's energetic and central. But what we found in people who identified as male was that it was pretty much across the board. Like there's a— Evenly split throughout the mall. So that was really— fascinating to see that this idea that, oh, men are super simple. Like, I hear this a lot. Like, men are super simple. They all they want is sex. I'm like, no, that's, that's never what I've seen in my practice. And that's never what I've seen through three million people taking this quiz that we

have online is that we're, I think we've done men a really big disservice of that judgment. And there's a lot more depth there at a lot of more expression that hasn't been allowed because we've pigeonholed an identity and we've put a projection that actually isn't true. And I really want to bust that apart. You're doing it. Yeah. Look at you go. What's the difference between Eros and sex or sexuality? What is Eros for people that have like no idea what that term refers to? Aros is the animating force of everything. it's in everything and sex or sexuality

when we go back to the blueprints the sexual blueprint is the act that we have defined as intercourse that's mainly what the sexual blueprint is like aiming for is like getting to the orgasm getting to the intercourse and I think we confuse that with what sexuality actually is putting the what the definition of what I've experienced directly of what sex is is very challenging because it's so ineffable and it's so magnificent and it's so big

and it's just I don't even have words and so the blueprints to me are this map to expanding our definition of sexuality into not just a tool for our awakening but a pathway a pathway for us to love, a pathway for consciousness to remember itself, because love loves loving itself. It loves that. It wants to love itself more. And so it made itself into two-ness. Sex is a way that oneness plays two-ness and learns about itself. And when we remember that and we experience that, then we start to see what sex really is, which is an opportunity to experience different states of consciousness and an opportunity to transform and an opportunity for us to wire ourselves towards more love, joy, bliss, ecstasy, what we inherently are.

and saying that sex is just intercourse is just one little teeny teeny of that iceberg I've been talking about. Yeah, this feels like it falls under the larger exploration of unlocking Eros in our life, obviously not just throughout sexuality as it's, of course, an amazing pathway and doorway, but throughout interactions with all life and within all of our relationships within human beings, like the cultivation of presence, especially when two people are present, whether they're romantically involved or they're just friends.

Eros is present when two people are present, you know? And so it seems like presence itself is like an aphrodisiac, you know? Amen. And that, I think people can be a bit confronted with that because then some people might perceive it as like, oh, and they've had experiences of walking into a crystal shop or someone stares at them too long. And there's, I guess, a shadow side of lack of empathy

and awareness of these things. But I know that like whether it's in my men's group or some of my best guy friends, like when we're really dropping in, reflecting on different things, supporting each other with things, there is an incredible liveliness that comes out in the presence born really being there and with somebody.

And it feels like so much of what you're referring to is like getting us to the point, to the experience of essentially the dissolution of self. It's like there's a lack of self-centeredness and egotism in your experience. And therefore, like less of a barrier between you and the experience of connecting with others as others. And that's just an incredible place to live life from because you're available to the synchronicity is and available to the gifts around you. And I think ultimately that's what so much of this path is unlocking for us.

Yeah, and just to take it a little step further is there's the presence and moving beyond the self-centeredness. And then there's the attunement. And I think what we really crave in sex and in connection with another human being is actually someone who can attune, who can resonate, not just come into coherence, but there's actually a resonance, especially for the energetics. It's like, I just want someone to,

I just want someone to attune to me to listen. And when we're in presence and we're out of self-centeredness, we actually can hear. We can hear what is and we're not in resistance to what is. And in that is the suchness. And when two are gathered, there I am.

I am. That, to me, is the ultimate orgasm. I didn't know that until later in my life. I spent a lot of my life, like, what is orgasmically possible? And part of my personal mission was discovering that, like everything that could happen with orgasm. And I never found a ceiling. It was just like, oh, there's more, there's more, there's more, there's more, there's more. And when I had the first experience, non-dual experience, I was like, that's the ultimate orgasm, because that is the merging with all that is. And when we talk about integration, you know, the sex can lead us to

these mystical experiences, these expanded states of consciousness, like as I mentioned, orgasm to me, is an expanded state of consciousness. How are we then integrating those experiences, integration meaning coming to wholeness. But I recently heard someone say they were quoting Rachel Peterson, and it was, what are you integrating into? And I was like, oh, I really like that because we think about integrating it into our life. Like, oh, I had this transcendent sexual experience or this mystical experience, and now I'm going to integrate that.

I'm going to keep chasing it. I'm going to experience, chase that, and keep going for it. And I learned through my life, I could check all the boxes, right? I had the great job, the money, all the external things that people want. and I have the great orgasms. And I think we talked about the final frontier of sexual, of personal growth being sexuality. And I think a question to ask yourself is,

is that just another box you're checking? And what are you actually seeking? Because even great sex isn't going to bring you that ultimate thing that I think so many us of office are even chasing. And can we go to allow that to just bring us closer to that, to that self-realization or trans? sentence where we're out of self-centeredness, we've merged. And so it's just, it's just

such a powerful conversation. I really want to thank you for having the conversation because I think people just don't consider this pathway. And to come back to tantra, and they say it's one of the most powerful pathways because it's a faster path in some ways. But it also can be a more dangerous path if you're not integrating it. And if you're not ready for it, you know, sometimes people have these premature Kundalini awakenings or, and this happened to me when I was young. I mean, I used to explode. I said I was explode people when I was a teenager because I had all this big energy and then like for three days people couldn't function, you know, like after, after having an erotic encounter. And I got afraid to like,

be with people because I was so afraid I was going to explode them or blow them up. But at that time, I didn't have the tools. I didn't know how to help someone integrate the experience. I didn't even know what was going on or what was happening. And to come back to what are we integrating into, how can we integrate into the experience that we're having as opposed to the other way around? That, to me, is like a totally new frame

and something that now I'm practicing more because there's having the mystical experience or having the glimpse of awakening, and then there's resting in it and abiding in it and no longer chasing it, but actually becoming someone who's resting in that. And I think that that comes from integrating into, versus trying to integrate it into your life.

There's like that reciprocity and flow of energy that's moving us into somewhere, like into a direction, into, like we have the deeper experience of connection with self, and then that leads to deeper, expression and our energy towards life. For somebody that just heard about these different erotic blueprints and different types and are experiencing, which there are a variety of issues from infertility to sexless life, like you spoke to this possibility of attuning to our partner's experience and our own

internal experience. And so what advice do you have for somebody who's maybe been in partnership for anywhere from a couple years to a decade or two and want to rekindle their sex life, but keep hitting a brick wall. And I know you've supported many people with this. It just seems like the longer with somebody, the more opportunity there is to continue to meet somebody. And it seems like it comes in waves in terms of people's experience of sexual desire and

aliveness and the connection. And so, yeah, when that fluctuates, what does one do? I think the first thing is to not make it a problem. Yeah, it's kind of that like, oh, if we start to resist what is. Okay, this is here. It's okay. We actually are meant to fluctuate. I think that people make it like we're supposed to go like up, up, up, up, up in some linear thing or relationship always has to be hot.

And yeah, maybe we do want that or desire that. But you can make it hot in the fluctuation by allowing, oh, this is here. This is fluctuating. We had a big life change. Things are stressful. Illness. Having a baby. Like there's all kinds of things that can happen in life that will affect our sexuality. Esther Perel, one of my friends, she says, we have multiple sexuality, not one sexuality. And I really like that, like allowing yourself to change throughout your lifetime. And even your blueprint is going to fluctuate. And so I think the first state is, oh, here we are. It's not a problem. And it's nothing, there's nothing wrong.

with us. How do we want to approach this time in our lives? And let's have a conversation about it. If there's big charge, meaning there's big emotional like, oh, this isn't okay and that resistance is coming up, then have someone to support you to actually transmute or transform that charge to work with it and understand, like, well, is that a part of myself that's coming up? Is there something here that needs to be healed? Is there something physical that's going on? And again, getting curious because that will keep you in the intimacy versus making anybody wrong bad or that there's blame going on. So get support, make an agreement that, yes, we're in this fluctuation. How are we going to work together with the fluctuation, not against each other in the fluctuation,

work through any emotional, big emotional charges? And then the other is to understand, And usually it's one of four things in the fluctuation. One, it's biochemical. Something is happening in the body system with the biochemistry. One, it could be physical. Something's changed where now sex hurts. Sex is not supposed to hurt. There are so many people who have painful sex.

It's actually not supposed to hurt. So it's supposed to feel good. And so if sex is hurting, there's something going on, physically, psychie emotionally. So that's the third one is emotional, what's happening in the emotional realm. And then the final one is what's happening bioenergetically. So if you can look at all four of those realms

and then seek to understand and just get really curious and see if there's something there in that fluctuation. Another thing that I think can create, can help people kind of boost out of that, something called the Passion Trifecta. We often in closeness lose the space that energetics love so much, but also the thing that creates

attraction. So a passion trifecta, it is to have an obstacle of some kind that you consciously create. So an obstacle in sex might, if you're in sexual blueprint, might be you have to keep your panties on during this whole sexual experience, but we're going to do all the sexual things, but we're going to do them around the panties. So that would be like an example of an obstacle that would be consciously created. To have something novel or new, we lose novelty. And we could also have something naughty, which can create novelty.

So obstacle, novelty. And then the third one is mystery. How can we bring back more mystery into sex? I mean, to me, sex is endlessly mysterious. I don't want to figure it all out. I want to be in the mystery of it all. and the mystery aspect could be something as simple as like don't don't share the same bathroom you know don't brush your teeth together like sleep apart for a little while and find out

if mystery starts to bring you back together into more like curiosity yeah that's great yeah thanks for sharing yeah it seems like that all be super helpful um Wow, yeah, we've covered a lot and going all over the place. This has been so fun. I know you have, you said you mentioned you haven't been doing podcasts a couple months. I'm just curious, how did you find out about this podcast? I know I reached out because I was interested in obviously doing this, but what happened? This is a super fun story.

So I, someone had sent me one of the episodes that you had, and it was the episode with Zach Bush. and I listened to it and as I was listening to it I was like, hmm, maybe I want to do that podcast and this is such an amazing interview and I was like, I was doing experiment at the time

on manifestation and I do oftentimes with like orgasmic energy like using orgasmic energy to go into the field and visualize what it is that I want to manifest and kind of send a message through the field

and so what I did was I was just like I'm going to go into the field so I dropped in And I was like, I'm going to send a message and see if it gets picked up that I would like to do this podcast. And that was like on like a Thursday or Friday. And on Monday, my assistant reaches out to me and says, Andre from know they know they self reached out to do the podcast. And I hadn't told her anything. I was like, oh my goodness.

It like totally worked. You got my message. There we go. I called the ping. So just like really funny how like I was just like there's something where I was just like, I need to like. know this person. Like there's something happening within this community of like just the great work you're all doing, the guests you've had on the show and everything that I just felt like super compelled to be part of what you're creating in this world and what you're sending out

into the universe. So thanks for listening. It's been such a pleasure. Yeah, it's an honor. I'm glad. you know we haven't dove into a lot of these topics very periodically but pretty much never as like a focused episode um so just kind of looking out there into the into who might be a good person to do this tango with and yeah you just feel very clear and in your center um and have a good appreciation for the complexity around this all and nuance throughout it all and um and yeah it's such a such an important, often not talked about topic that has so many amazing areas of exploration that we can continue to, and I'm sure in the future will. Yeah, we could have gone down any wormhole very deeply.

There's so many. If you had like a last teaching for somebody to re-explore the relationship with their own sexuality and the power of that that you would want to leave people with, does anything come to mind? Yeah. And it's so interesting when people say the phrase, come to mind, because I often go, what comes to my body? Anything else come to body?

What comes to body? What comes to body? What comes to mind? And the first thing that comes in is this feeling of a way that we express love for ourselves is through pleasure. and to continue to explore what pleasure means to you in a healthful way so that you can come back to yourself through the body.

My way has always been exploring consciousness through the body, through the breath, and through this thing that we call pleasure. And so instead of pleasure being something we push away. I invite you to explore the path all the way to the end and see what happens. In the meantime, I'm going to keep exploring it all the way to the end

to see what happens. I don't think there's an end, though. It's fascinating how we can rewrite our relationship to what brings this pleasure and how we can perceive the difficulties in our life also as an opportunity for growth and finding pleasure. too. You know, it's like we often have this notion that we want our life to happen when we want

and how we want. But the reality of that if it actually happened would be a very boring, monotone life. Yes. So like there seems like, and so much of what you've been talking about, deep pleasure and the surprise and mystery of life that we can become attuned to. And, and yeah, so thank you so much for all of the reflections throughout this conversation. And it's been such a joy. Yeah. What if pleasure is right here, right now, always, eternally. Yeah, that's what I'd leave people with. Find pleasure right here, right now. Thank you. Let us know everybody who's been tuning into this episode. In what ways this has resonated, confronted different things in your psyche, all of it. I'm super curious to see how this dialogue has, what is

inspired in you. And Jaya, we'll link down stuff where people can stay connected. with you down below. Is there any other things you want to point people towards though that you have going on or now? People can take the quiz online you can link to that.

That's one way also that you can find out what your blueprint is and yeah, I'm around on all the things so I'm sure you can find me. Sweet. Thank you so much.

Thank you all. Until next time, be well.